Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The classroom went completely silent as a stranger walked inside, carrying his stuff to the teacher's table. Everyone was staring at the tall redheaded man, mouths hanging open at the sight of the black tattoos that seemed to go everywhere.

"This is the substitute?" Someone hissed incredulously.

"He can't be, he looks like a punk!" One girl said.

"I heard we'll be having a replacement... Is that really him? Gosh, he's so hot!" Another girl squealed.

The man rolled his eyes at the not-too-subtle way the pupils were showing either an interest or displeasure of having a substitute teacher. But, that's the way it goes with a bunch of teenagers, so he sighed and turned towards the classroom.

"My name's Abarai Renji. I'm pleased to be here and I hope we'll all get along until Miss Ochi returns."

His voice was deep and a bit gruff – perfect for showing who was in charge. 

"What's with her anyway," a female voice asked.

"So nice of you to worry about your teacher, but the matter is private. I can't tell you anything more." The substitute smirked at the small brunette, who in turn blushed furiously.

"Michiru-chan is blushing," a couple of her friends giggled.

"Alright, alright, that's enough," Renji chuckled, already used to the people's reactions on his looks. "Now, I want to get to know you too," he said and took the school register from his desk, going through it.

He called out the names and turned his gaze to the students that raised their hands once they were called. He'd ask everyone about their hobbies and future plans, chatting a bit longer here and there. It seemed the kids were getting over the initial shock and were starting to like him.

"... Kurosaki Ichigo," he looked around until he connected the raised hand with a long arm, a skinny shoulder and a mess of unruly orange hair. 'So we have a punk in the class,' he smirked to himself. 'I just hope he's not a troublemaker.'

"So, Kurosaki-kun, how about you?"

"What about me," the teen seemed completely apathetic.

"Hobbies, plans, hopes and dreams?" The teacher gave a friendly, encouraging smile.

"None..."

"What do you mean 'none'?"

"I mean I have none," the brandy eyes tiredly focused on the substitute. It seemed like all the sadness in the world resided in those eyes, almost making Renji to take a step back.

The class fell silent, everyone avoiding looking at the kid. Renji found it peculiar and decided to leave the teen alone.

"Alright, if that's the way you feel," he sighed and resumed calling out other names, breaking the tension in the class.

*****

Later that day, Renji was sitting at the teacher's lounge, flipping through the register to see how his new students were doing before he came to substitute. His thoughts kept going to that orange haired kid, wondering what his problem was. He knew that teenage years brought a lot of awkwardness and confusion to a young mind, but every time he saw such a troubled kid, he got worried.

He hardly noticed when someone else came in, jumping slightly in surprise but then he smiled, recognizing the school's psychologist.

"Unohana-san," he gave a little bow.

"Abarai-kun," the woman smiled kindly, "how was your first day?"

"It went good, thank you."

"The students didn't give you much trouble, I believe?"

"No, they were nice. A little surprised at the beginning, but they're okay. Though, I've a question..." Renji scratched the back of his head. "What's with that Kurosaki kid? He seemed somehow indifferent... empty, if you know what I mean. Does he have a problem?"

Unohana sighed, shaking her head slowly. "Such a sad story... Kurosaki-kun lost his mother and he has been like that since then. He just closed up and now he won't let anyone in."

Renji felt his heart sink. Poor kid. "When was that?"

"Almost two years ago," the woman said.

"And he's still like that... That's a long time. What happened, if I may ask?"

Unohana went to the sofa and sat down, motioning for Renji to join her. "A traffic accident. Ichigo and his mother were walking together and a car appeared out of nowhere. His mother only had time to push him away, but she was hit and... She didn't even make it to the hospital. The poor boy was crushed. At first he wouldn't even talk to anyone, but when he finally did, the first thing he said was that it was his fault... that she would still be alive if it weren't for him."

"But it's not..." Renji gaped.

"I know," Unohana sighed. "He's scheduled to come to my office at least once a week and whenever he feels he might want to talk about it. But lately, he just comes over when he has to and asks me how I am, and that's it. I feel like I can't reach him."

"That's awful," Renji stared down at his feet. He'd never imagined he'd end up having a student with such a backstory. "What should I do, Unohana-san?"

"Well, all the other teachers just let him be. He gets good grades at the exams, so nobody is forcing him to be active at class if he doesn't want to. I don't agree with that method, but I understand they feel sorry for him... Ah, it would be so nice if he starts to open up to someone..."

"Do you think if I could maybe...?" Renji asked, a little uncertain.

"Well, if you are willing, that would be nice. You are young, maybe you can connect better."

"Alright, then I'll try," he smiled and thanked her.

*****

The next day, the students were having a literature class and Renji decided to make it more active, picking the students to read certain passages or poems and then explain what the writer wanted to show, or how they saw it.

His eyes fell on the Kurosaki kid. "Kurosaki-kun. Why don't you pick a poem and read it out loud? Let's hear what caught your eye in this book."

Ichigo stared at him incredulously. Well at least something besides emptiness was in those eyes now. Renji was surprised when the teen started flipping through his book. When he found what he was searching for, he straightened up in his chair and cleared his throat.

"The Message, by Jacques Prévert," Ichigo read out softly.

"The door that someone opened
The door that someone closed
The chair on which someone sat down
The cat that someone petted
The fruit that someone bit into
The letter that someone read
The chair that someone tipped over
The door that someone opened
The road where someone is still running
The woods that someone crossed running
The river in which someone jumped
The hospital where someone died."

The class was quiet. Some were staring at Ichigo, some were staring down at their desks and one girl was crying quietly. Inoue Orihime, as Renji recalled.

Renji tried to swallow. "Uh, well... That was an interesting choice..."

Ichigo narrowed his eyes on the substitute. "She told you, didn't she?"

"Yes, she did." There was no point in lying to the teen.

"Great," Ichigo muttered, slouching back down in his seat. "Now you can start acting like all the other teachers and leave me alone."

A few gasps resonated through the room.

Renji frowned. "I had no such intentions. And that's not the way to talk to your teacher, substitute or not." He almost smirked seeing the genuine surprise on Ichigo's face at being scolded. "I want to talk to you after school. Come and wait for me outside the teacher's lounge."

Ichigo managed to remove the shocked look off his face and replace it with indifference. "Yeah, whatever."

"Good." Renji nodded and then turned to the rest of the class. "Now, let's continue... Ishida-kun, your turn..."

The redhead felt like he'd won the first battle, smiling a little to himself as he felt Ichigo's eyes following him around for the rest of the class. At least he'd gotten his attention.

Chapter Text

As Renji gathered his stuff in his bag and left the teachers' lounge, he noticed the teen waiting for him in the corridor.

"Kurosaki-kun, I'm glad you waited for me."

"Yeah, well, I only did it so I don't get in trouble. You sounded serious." Ichigo shrugged.

"I was serious. Look, I wouldn't even dare to think I know how you feel, but I have no intentions tiptoeing around you like others do. I think you need people acting normally, not fussing over you all the time."

The teen blinked at him, surprised. "I... I guess..." But his frown came back in a second. "But that doesn't mean I'll talk to you. I know Unohana-san wants me to open up or whatever and that's out of the question."

"Maybe it would be easier for you if you talked to someone."

"I don't want it to be easier!" Ichigo snapped and took a step back, raising his hands in an apologetic manner. "I... Just forget it... Why do you care anyway?"

"It's a teacher's job, to help his students to grow up in healthy adults."

Ichigo snorted humorlessly. "Good luck with that."

Renji sighed. "Don't be like that. I just wanna help you."

"I don't need your help. Nobody cares about that. They all are really sorry and always cautious around me but they don't really care. I don't see the reason why you would, either. That thing you did in the classroom... When you asked me to read, I... It was cool. I appreciate that. But that's all there is to it."

"Okay. But if you ever wanna talk, tell me."

A tiniest smile appeared on Ichigo's face as he turned to leave. "We're not friends, Abarai-sensei. You're only my teacher."

Renji continued to stand there for a couple of moments, smiling to himself. Well, this went better than he thought it would.

*****

Aside from destroying himself in the gym, jogging was the next best thing for relieving stress. Since he'd moved to Karakura, Renji had been fascinated with the river bank and the sunsets in the background, so when he went jogging he sometimes ended up there, if not running the whole route beside the river.

Jogging was also his time to think. He thought about everything and anything. He thought about what had been going on recently, about his own hopes and dreams... Being a substitute teacher or a teacher at all wasn't exactly the whole thing he wanted. It was just temporarily. He'd always wanted to open a youth sports center. That would've been awesome. He knew it would take a long, hard work but it wasn't impossible.

There, he could be a trainer, a friendly older brother figure. That was something he would be most comfortable with because basically, he was a big kid himself and being an authority as a teacher was a too serious roll for him.

*****

Running one early evening by the river, Renji noticed one of his new students sitting on the grass, doing nothing in particular, just looking at the setting sun. Looking at him from the back, Renji didn't even have to guess who it was, seeing the orange hair glowing even more bright from the sunlight.

The redhead jogged over to the teen, smiling friendly when Ichigo noticed him.  

"Abarai-sensei," Ichigo blinked at him. "What are you doing here?"

"Can't you tell?" Renji asked, grinning. The grey hoodie he was wearing was damp around the collar, beads of sweat were running down his temples and neck and his red hair, tied into the usual high pony tail, was all soggy at the ends.

Ichigo rolled his eyes, a tiny hint of a smirk appearing on his lips. He then cast a look at the redhead whose skin was glistening in the fading light. His eyes shot up to the tattoos on the man's forehead, then on those on his neck. "Why do you have so many tattoos?"

Renji chuckled, "I thought they would look cool."

The teen's jaw dropped. "That's it? No deeper meaning?"

"I was an eighteen-year-old punk. Looking cool was enough at the time."

"You ever regret having them," Ichigo asked, eyeing the redhead's collar. There seemed to be more tattoos down his chest.

"Never," Renji smirked. "They're a part of who I am. Besides, I only got my arms tattooed when I turned eighteen. All of the rest came later."

"Your arms?" The teen asked incredulously, scanning him up and down. "Where else?"

"My upper arms," Renji corrected, "My chest, stomach, back, neck and forehead."

"Wow..." Ichigo breathed. "You know, you're an attraction for the girls in my class."

"Sheesh, their mothers would be thrilled," the redhead laughed, sitting down next to Ichigo. The teen was smiling, shaking his head. "What," Renji asked.

"I just can't believe you're my teacher."

"What, I'm too laid back? Not all teachers are stuck-up old hags, yanno?"

Ichigo sighed, his serious expression returning. "Why are you doing this," he asked with an accusing look in his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you acting all friendly and stuff because Unohana-san asked you to?"

The redhead sighed. "No. And she didn't ask me, you know? She just told me your, um, story... And I asked if I might help somehow... Hey don't give me that look. I thought if we became friends, you'd be more open cause I'm a guy and not so much older than you."

"So you are doing it because it's your job."

Renji groaned. "Listen, it's hard to explain... I'm a big kid myself. And I think every kid should be happy and healthy. I know that's wishful thinking but if I see that I might help somehow, I try. Ever since you decided to read that poem out loud, I knew I could help you, if only a little bit."

Ichigo kept silent, but didn't look upset anymore. It's been a long time since anyone talked to him so leisurely, without the familiar pity in their eyes and a face saying 'Aww, poor boy'.

"You mean it." It wasn't a question.

"I'm glad you realized that," the redhead smirked and decided to change the subject. Too much of talk could only make Ichigo shy away and close himself back to the kid Renji met the first day of his substituting. "Hey, wanna join me sometimes?"

"Jogging?" Ichigo asked.

"Or gym, whatever. Both, if you want."

"Um... Okay," the teen nodded. He needed an activity and now that his teacher asked, he was given an opportunity. He'd never wanted to do anything on his own so he felt relieved, knowing that he'll be having company and guidance.

*****

A month passed since Renji had asked the teen to join him in his activities. They would meet up at the gym three times a week and went running two times a week. Ichigo finally relaxed a bit around him and began initiating conversations, even though he never talked about himself – he always asked questions and skillfully changed the subject whenever he sensed that Renji might ask him something back.

It was somewhat amusing to listen to Ichigo going around a question and ending up not answering it. The kid was really bright and it was a shame he didn't communicate more, and not only with him, but with anyone.

During that month, Renji tried to include Ichigo to the class' activities, to at least talk about literature. He noticed the kid liked it and he'd read anything he was told.

*****

It was a rainy Friday afternoon and everyone seemed to be doing their best not to fall asleep at class. Renji watched the class, smirking at their lowered heads. He gave them a few minutes to read "It is the hour" by Lord Byron and when the whispering and noise between the teens grew, it was time to ask them questions.

He glanced at Ichigo and decided not to call him out, feeling rather ridiculous at that point. After a month, he started to feel a bit stupid always asking "Kurosaki-kun, what do you think?"

"So," he altered his question this time, "can anyone tell me what natural elements we can find in here?" As per usual, he heard sighs from all the corners of the classroom, the students glancing at each other in embarrassment. When it came to poetry, it was especially hard to get anyone's opinion.

But then, he saw a single hand in the air and smiled, feeling the happy tug of achievement in his heart. 

"Yes, Kurosaki-kun?"

"Um, well, there's the nightingale... And the stars and leaves... The water..."

"Good. And what can we see from that? What does Lord Byron want to show us?"

"He sets a love scene in the nature, so I guess he wants to show that love is also a natural thing... Beautiful too, if we compare it to the things he put into the poem."

The other students were staring and Renji felt he was grinning like an idiot. What surprised him more was that Ichigo offered him a little smile of his own.

"That's very good," he praised after straightening his smile and turned to the others with more questions.

Maybe it would soon be time to try and talk to Ichigo again. But before that, Renji decided it would be best if he went to Unohana-san and ask for her opinion on the matter.

Chapter Text

It was the end of a school day and Renji had just gathered his things and made to leave the teachers' lounge when Unohana-san came hurrying in with a concerned look on her usually serene face.

"Abarai-kun... Good, you're still here," she approached him, clasping her hands.

"What happened?"

"Kurosaki-kun got into a fight with Oshima-kun in the schoolyard," she said, her voice betraying her nervousness. "Kagine-sensei managed to separate them, but I think it would be better if you talked to him and calmed him down."

"Of course," Renji said, already going to the door and holding it for Unohana-san to pass through. "Do you know why it happened?"

"No," the woman sighed, "Kurosaki-kun won't talk to anyone and Oshima-kun keeps swearing... because his nose is broken," she trailed off, shaking her head disapprovingly.

Renji almost smirked. Almost. He knew that Oshima was nearly two times bigger than Ichigo and way more defiant, so at least he got what he deserved. That is, if he'd started the fight.

*****

Approaching the schoolyard, Renji found Kagine-sensei holding Oshima back while the ridiculously bleached blond tried to go back to Ichigo, yelling that he was going to wipe the floor with him. At the same time, Ichigo was sitting on a bench, surrounded by his friends. Renji already knew the bunch – Ishida, Sado, Asano, Kojima and two girls, Inoue and Arisawa. They were always somewhere near the blond teen.

Ichigo was glowering and by the miserable looks on the girls' faces, he still hasn't started talking. He even swatted off their hands and turned his head away when they tried to take a look at the bruise under his eye and the split lower lip. Renji glanced down, noticing how Ichigo was gingerly rubbing his right fist.

Just great.

"Abarai-sensei," Kagine grunted, pushing Oshima away, "Glad you dropped by... These two were going at each other like crazy!"

"I can see that," Renji muttered, eyeing the bigger teen's bloody nose and mouth. "Any idea who started it?"

"I'm not even sure anymore," Kagine sighed, "Kurosaki and Oshima seem to hate each other since before high school. But if you ask me who's the bigger troublemaker, I'll have to say - this ray of sunshine over here," he nodded towards the fuming Oshima. "As far as I know, Kurosaki had never started a fight except when he's defending someone else. But that's not the way to handle things, ne, Kurosaki?" He yelled over to Ichigo.

"Then it's okay if I get him outta here?" Renji asked, glancing at the teen.

"Sure. I'll take care of this one."

Renji nodded and went to Ichigo, gently patting Inoue's shoulder as he passed by. The girl seemed the most sensitive of them all and Renji felt bad for her. He smirked when Ichigo's eyes focused on him and gripped the teen's upper arm, tugging him to stand up.

"Come on, you're going with me." When Ichigo's brow furrowed more, he added, "No arguing. Come on," Renji said more softly, giving him a convincing look.

The teen sighed and nodded wordlessly. He followed Renji down to the street, but then stopped and stood there, giving him an uncertain look. "I should probably go home..."

"You should. But first, you're coming with me."

"Where?"

"To my place. I'm not letting you go home looking like that," Renji tugged the teen to start walking again. "It's only a ten-minute walk from school."

"Okay."

Renji glanced at him. Ichigo looked very tired. "How are you feeling?"

"My hand hurts," the teen shrugged.

"No wonder. You messed him up real good, you know?"

"I guess..."

*****

The rest of the walk remained silent. When they arrived to a big apartment building, Renji led the way inside and up the stairs to the fourth floor. Ichigo waited for him to open the door to his apartment and followed inside.

The most of the apartment was a large living area, with a desk and a laptop, one big sofa and a TV in the corner. To the left of the front door was a kitchen, big enough to contain everything a kitchen needed, plus a small dining table by the window. In the further left corner of the living room was another door which led to a small corridor with two more doors on its right side. The first led to Renji's bedroom and the second to the bathroom.

It wasn't an especially big place but it was nice and comfortable. And Renji loved it. After almost a year in Karakura, he finally made it look like someone lived in there. It was warm and cozy, if only a bit lonely...

He turned to the teen. "Well, here we are. Sit down and I'll get the first aid kit from the bathroom."

Ichigo nodded and settled on the sofa, still looking around the place. He stared at the full bookshelf beside the TV, wondering if Renji really read all those books. He must have or at least he planned to – it would be pointless to have them otherwise.

"You can borrow some, if you like," a deep voice startled the teen.

"Oh," Ichigo blushed, "I didn't mean to stare but... So many books... What kind?"

"Hoo, any kind," Renji chuckled, "From poetry and classical novels to fiction and fantasy... I mean it, I'll lend you whatever you want to read."

"You'll do anything, just to make your students read more, right," Ichigo asked, smiling a bit. He was already past the point of shying away from the redhead.

"Correct," the redhead laughed and then sat down beside the teen. "Now let's take a look at those bruises..." He gently gripped Ichigo's chin and turned his head left and right before taking a wet piece of gauze from the little tray he'd brought and began to clean Ichigo's lower lip.

As the boy hissed, he smirked apologetically. "Sorry. I'll be gentler." His brows furrowed in concentration not to cause any unnecessary pain while he gently applied the pressure to cool it off a bit. "Can't do much about your lip... Good thing it's split, otherwise it would swell up like a bee sting."   

Ichigo snorted and made a grimace quickly after. "Ow..."

"Don't laugh," Renji scolded with a smirk of his own. He then took a small bottle of clear liquid and poured some on a cotton ball. "This might sting a bit. Hydrogen peroxide. So tell me," he drawled while treating the teen's injury, "What caused this anyway?"

Ichigo huffed and remained silent, his mood dampening gradually.

"Hmm?" Renji hummed, raising an eyebrow.

"He called me a mama's boy. That I'm pathetic and can't live normally without my mom."

Renji kept silent, still gently cleaning the injury.

"I think he deserved it," Ichigo said, wincing slightly at the burning sensation on his lip.

"Well he did, to tell you the truth, but... I never told you that," Renji smirked and finished with the teen's lip. Then he gingerly brushed his fingertips over Ichigo's left cheekbone, examining the forming bruise. He only had some kind of a gel for bruises, but he knew it worked wonders. He took the tube and squeezed some out on his fingers before gently applying it to the bruised skin.

"I mean, he doesn't even know how it is," Ichigo continued, looking nowhere in particular, just letting Renji take care of him. "He doesn't even come from a bad family, he's just a jerk... He still has both his parents..." The teen trailed off, taking a shaky breath. "He doesn't know how lucky he is."

Renji listened as the boy opened up for the first time. He paused with the treatment, and just observed him, showing him that he was listening.

Ichigo squirmed in his place and lowered his gaze to the floor. "I don't wanna talk about this anymore."

"Alright," Renji nodded.

"Thanks, sensei."

"No problem," the redhead smiled and patted Ichigo's knee. "Alright, now let me see your hand and you're done. Are you hungry? I was planning to order a pizza. I might as well order two, or a jumbo."

"Uh, thanks but... I don't wanna bother you..."

"You're not bothering me," the redhead laughed, cleaning the boy's knuckles with hydrogen peroxide. "So what would you like to eat?"

"Something spicy?"

Renji grimaced. He wasn't too enthusiastic about spicy food. "Two it is, then," he grinned, finishing up and putting all the medicinal stuff back on the tray.

"You don't like spicy?" Ichigo asked, relaxing into the sofa.

"Not really, no. Let me take this back to the bathroom and then I'll order our pizzas, okay?"

"Sure," the teen nodded and then paused. "Mind if I take a look at your books?"

"Of course not! I told you, you can even borrow them if you want." Renji said and disappeared in the bathroom.

Ichigo stood up and slowly walked to the bookshelf, tilting his head to the side so he could read the spines of the books. There really were all kinds of books. He picked out a really expensive looking one that was incased in black leather with silver print on it - 'The greatest love poems'.

Ichigo opened it and on the first page, he noticed a dedication, written in fine calligraphy. The one who wrote it clearly was an expert at it. 'Paris is a lonely place without you. All my love – B.'

So it was a gift. Ichigo felt like he was violating his sensei's privacy and before he knew it, he was blushing furiously but that didn't stop him from flipping through the book. The curiosity was stronger and he wondered if he could find out a bit more about this 'B' person.

There was nothing more in that book that didn't belong there so Ichigo put it to the side and reached for another one. This time he picked it by the title – anything involved with Paris or France. The one he took was something of a tourist guide for Paris. All the hot spots, museums, streets and other possible attractions. He opened the first page and smiled as he found another dedication.

'I hope this will encourage you to come with me. Love, B.'

'Again only a 'B',' Ichigo sighed to himself. Well, he was getting nowhere with this. He put the book back and picked out a couple of fantasy novels that he'd heard were good. He placed them on top of the book of love poems and hoped it wasn't too much to borrow in one go. Just as he sat back down on the sofa, Renji was back with a phone pressed to his ear.

"Yeah, so that's one 'diavolo' and one 'margherita'. Abarai. You've got the address already. Yep. Alright, thanks." He grinned at Ichigo and flopped down beside him. "The food's on its way."

"Great, thanks," Ichigo offered a smile of his own and glanced at the TV that Renji turned on.

After a few moments, the redhead's cell rang and he walked away to answer it. Ichigo wondered about the none-too-happy face Renji made before answering it, but he couldn't hear one word of the conversation as the redhead closed the bedroom door after him.

What could upset him so? Was it 'B'? Ichigo felt more and more curious and kept glancing back to the bookshelf, thinking he still might find something in there. And then his eyes got caught on a title. It wasn't really a title, and it wasn't really a book. It was a photo album. Would it be very wrong to take a peek?

Chapter Text

Figuring he could always say he went to take a look at more books, Ichigo crouched down in front of the bottom shelf and slowly reached towards the album. He snorted when he noticed that his hand was trembling with anxiety, knowing he could get caught. But then again, along with the album, there was a whole set of Encyclopedia on that shelf. He pulled out an A-C volume just to be on the safe ground in case Renji walked in on him.

Okay, now he could take a peek. He cautiously took the album from the shelf, settled down in Indian style and placed it in his lap. Opening it on the first page, he saw several baby pictures, all taken in some sort of a kindergarten. The baby in the photos had bright auburn hair, so it must have been Abarai-sensei.

Flipping through the pages, he saw baby Renji with several different ladies, surrounded with other children, small and bigger. None of the ladies resembled him in any way and Ichigo began to wonder. Maybe it was a kindergarten album or something like that.

But then he saw photos from birthday parties, little Renji blowing out candles, grinning into the camera, surrounded with those same ladies and other children. Ichigo turned the page and felt his throat tighten. One big photo was taking up the whole page. Those ladies were standing in the middle of a playground, along with a dozen children and Renji among them as well. In the back there was a nice, big house with a plaque by the front door. 'Miss Saiko's children's home'.

Ichigo felt like crying.

In a second, he forgot all about his curiosity over the mysterious 'B'. Not wanting to intrude even more and risk crying like a little girl, he quickly closed the album and pushed it back onto the shelf, along with the volume of Encyclopedia. He got up and went to the sofa just in time to sit down when Renji came out of the bedroom, angrily shoving his cell phone in his jeans' pocket.

Ichigo glanced at his sensei and suddenly felt relieved for not being caught. "Um, sensei... Are you okay?"

Renji granted him with a tired smile. "Yeah... Jus' fine. Don't worry 'bout me."  

The teen wondered if the lazy drawl was because Renji was upset and didn't care about the pronunciation, or because he was at home, not trying to set a good example for the students.

Trying to lighten up the atmosphere, Ichigo smirked. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Smartass," Renji barked a laugh.

After the initial shock, Ichigo joined in the laughter, although a bit more reserved than Renji.

*****

Soon their pizzas arrived and they've spent a several moments just eating and watching TV. After a while, Ichigo kept glancing at his teacher and, remembering the photos of the little child with auburn hair, he couldn't but wonder.

"Sensei, do you dye your hair?"

"Heh," Renji chuckled and licked his fingers clean from pizza sauce and grease. "Yeah... I'm not naturally so red."

"So, you're more like... what?"

"Hmm, more like orange-brown. The first time I dyed my hair was on a dare when I was sixteen and I kinda liked it. Been like this since then."

"Do you have a photo?"

"You mean from before? Sure, wait a sec," Renji got up and went to the bookshelf, taking the same photo album that Ichigo was looking through earlier. He opened it from the back and took one loose photo, showing it to Ichigo.

The teenager in the photo was grinning at him the same grin he often saw on his teacher. Ripped jeans and a studded leather jacket, accompanied with the long loose hair that fell onto his face made Renji look like a teenage rock star.

Ichigo stared, wondering how he would get along with the teenaged Renji. Well, he wasn't so much older than him... Ten years, tops.

"How old are you now?" Obviously, his mouth decided to ask the question before he'd allowed it to.

"I'm twenty-six." The redhead grinned, guessing what was going through Ichigo's head while looking at the picture. "So tell me, orange-brown or fiery red?"

"Uhh... Either," Ichigo glanced from the photo to Renji's face and back.

"Gosh, you're a real help," the older man teased, relaxing his hands and letting the album lie on his lap. Both he and Ichigo glanced down at the other photos visible on that opened page. There were more photos of the sixteen year old Renji and some other kids, and one where he had his arm around a small woman. Ichigo recognized her as one of the ladies on the older photos. He took a deep breath and decided to test the waters.

"Who is that," he asked softly, pointing at the lady.

"That..." Renji smiled gently, looking at the picture. "That's Miss Saiko."

Ichigo remained silent, watching as Renji flipped through the pages, revealing more pictures with Miss Saiko and others.

"I grew up there," the redhead said as he came to the big group photo that Ichigo had already seen.

The teen glanced at the picture and then at his sensei. There was a mix of sadness and concern in his eyes, making Renji sigh.

"So, I guess this is the reason I want to take care of kids and found a youth center," he smiled, trying to lighten Ichigo's mood. "Please don't give me that look. I grew up happy, having everything I needed, all thanks to these kind ladies. Don't feel bad for me, okay?"

"Okay... I'm just... I'm sorry..."

"Thanks... Ichigo."

Renji smiled as the teen's brow smoothed and a little smile appeared on his lips. He knew he had to get more familiar with Ichigo for the boy to actually open up completely and they were on the good path. Calling him by his first name gave away his friendly affection and he hoped it would encourage the boy to see him as a friend, not just a teacher. 

*****

That night, Ichigo cried himself to sleep. He cried for the little baby Renji who grew up without real parents. He cried a little for himself as well, for his mom who died saving his life. So often he thought if it was worth it. Why his life was more important than hers? He could still see her worried face as she pushed him out of the way with all her might. He could still see what happened next. The whole horrible accident was engraved in his mind and he hated himself for not being able to do anything about it. Maybe, if the car hit him, he would have had more luck and then she would still be alive. The myriad of 'what if's was constantly buzzing in his mind and sometimes it was easier just to shut his brain off and spend the day on 'auto-pilot'. Get up, eat, school, home, shower, sleep. That was the most common pattern since the whole thing happened, but he noticed that lately, his days had become more fulfilled, and maybe, just maybe, a tiny bit happier.

*****

A week later, Ichigo was sitting in his place, waiting for the class to start. As Renji came to the classroom, the students grew a bit quieter, but there were still whispers and hisses among them.

"He's so sexy..." He heard a girl behind him talking to her friend.

"I saw him in a t-shirt the other day. He's got tattoos on his arms. I wonder where else..." The other one giggled.

"He's like a tiger... Or a lion... Look at his hair... You think it's natural?"

Ichigo suppressed a chuckle. He knew all those things. And it kinda felt nice. He felt like he was privileged to know all that. Then the comments went on.

"I love when he's concentrating and his brow furrows just a bit... He's so handsome... And his voice... I could listen to him all day long...I wish he stays in our school after Ochi-sensei returns..."

"I wonder if he has a girlfriend."

Ichigo stared, listening to the girls' chatter. That's right, he'd completely forgotten about 'B'. It would be devastating for the girls to hear about Renji having a lover in Paris, waiting for him and asking him to go there.

When he thought about it, Ichigo wouldn't want him to leave either. He began to really appreciate the connection that had developed between them and it would feel like losing a real close friend if Renji left. He figured he should try to find out more and at least stop the process of getting attached to the redhead if there was any chance he might leave. There was no way Ichigo would let someone else as close as he let him.

As he kept looking in Renji's direction, their eyes met and the redhead smiled and winked at him. Ichigo wasn't completely certain, but he believed that his heart had skipped a beat at that moment.  

Chapter Text

Weeks passed since Ichigo got into a fight with Oshino and in that time, he'd been at Renji's apartment a couple of times more. He didn't have any chances to sniff around but as the time passed, he became less enthusiastic about finding out anything. He felt stupid to constantly think that Renji might eventually leave Karakura, or Japan for that matter.

If that happens, he won't be able to stop it.

He read those three books he'd borrowed and almost got depressed from all those love poems. Do people really feel that bad when they're in love? What's the point then? At first he really couldn't get the pain and longing depicted in certain poems. He liked when he'd stumble upon a fresh, lively one that was celebrating love. That made more sense to him than moping around feeling sorry for oneself.

When he went through every poem in that book, he began to wonder why his feelings about losing a close friend like his sensei were so similar to those in the poems. It surely wasn't anything close to love, was it? Ichigo had never been in love, so he'd know when he would start to feel something new... Right?

*****

"Hey, you brought my books back!" Renji greeted the teen as he opened the door and let him inside. "Liked them?"

"Yeah," Ichigo smirked, not wanting to confess he didn't really like half of the poems he'd read.

"Huh," the redhead scratched the back of his head, "I'm surprised. I don't care much about at least half of the poetry in there," he pointed at the black leather encased book that Ichigo had already put down on the coffee table.

The teen's eyes went round with surprise, while his cheeks flushed a tint of pink. "W-well, uh..."

"It's okay," Renji laughed, "You can be honest, you know. It wasn't an assignment or anythin'."

"Okay," Ichigo managed a bashful smile.

"I bet you liked those fantasy novels better, yeah?"

The teen nodded and shifted his weight awkwardly. Renji eyed him while putting the books back to their place. "What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing," Ichigo sighed. He felt he didn't have the right to ask, but he did anyway. "What happens when you stop substituting?"

The redhead paused, as if to think what would indeed happen. "Well, I guess I might stay in school as a regular teacher if I'll be needed. Or I'll go about my business and try with that youth center I told you about."

"But you'll stay in Karakura?"

"I'm planning to, yeah."

Ichigo visibly relaxed before suddenly remembering. What about... What about that mystery lover of his? What if he decides to really go to Paris? Ichigo couldn't possibly ask about that, even though the most obvious evidence was on the first page of the book, plain as day.

"So..." The teen murmured insecurely, "we'll continue to hang out... like this?"

"Of course! Oh, wait," the redhead snatched his vibrating cell phone from the coffee table, flipping it open in front of Ichigo. "Sorry, I gotta answer this."

Ichigo shrugged and sat down on the sofa, waiting for Renji, but he didn't expect him to answer the phone while in the same room. It felt nice that he was so opened to him. Just as that thought formed, an alarm went off in his head, hearing how Renji answered the call.

"Hey sweetheart," Renji drawled into the phone. "What's up?" His lips stretched into an honest smile.

Ichigo could hear a woman's voice on the other end of the line.

"So, how's Paris?"

Ichigo's eyes went wide. 'Sweetheart? Paris? That must be her! Dammit, why am I so intrigued?' He continued to listen while pretending to leaf through that day's newspaper.

"Wha'? You're coming back? When?" Renji sounded pretty excited. "Next week? Aw, I knew you'd miss me too much," he chuckled. "Okay then, start packing. Love you too, bye."

Renji grinned to himself as he put the phone away. He then turned to Ichigo but couldn't wipe the happy look on his face. "Sorry," he smirked. "So how 'bout that movie?"

"Oh, sure," Ichigo smirked back. Well, if she was coming back, there was really no reason for Renji to leave, right? That made the teen happy, but... He wished that he too could make him smile like that. He had no idea where this feeling came from, but it was there, nagging in the back of his head.

*****

A few days into next week, Ichigo noticed that Abarai-sensei's mood was rapidly dropping. He didn't dare to ask what was going on, but when one of the teachers stormed in during a class and whispered something to Renji, Ichigo got really worried. Renji hurried out with a pained look on his face, not even excusing himself to the students.

After school, Ichigo decided to visit Unohana-san. It was a Wednesday anyway – the day when he had to come and talk to her.

"Good day, Unohana-san," he bowed after entering her office.

"Hello, Ichigo-kun. How are you today?"

"I'm fine," Ichigo went to the chair on the other side of her desk and sat down, heaving a sigh. "I'm worried about Abarai-sensei. What happened today?"

"He had an emergency phone call, but I don't know the details." The woman smiled gently. "You always worry about others, ne?"

"Well yeah... He's been a real good friend to me... Of course I'm worried."

"Did you talk to him? I thought it might be easier for you to bond with him and talk about yourself... The age difference isn't that big and he's a very nice young man."

Ichigo shrugged. "I talked a bit... After that fight... you know?"

"I know. Oh, I wish you didn't fight... You are such a good boy, and you have good grades... Why react to the empty words of bullies who don't know better?"

The teen turned his gaze to the window, anger flashing in his eyes. "He deserved it."

"I am aware that he should have thought it through before insulting you, but please, try to restrain yourself in the future. Alright?"

"Yeah," Ichigo sighed, slouching down in his place.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing... I should be meeting Abarai-sensei in half an hour but I don't know if he's gone somewhere or whatever..."

"And you are disappointed?"

"Yeah... I really, um... I really like him."

"Well, that's good. I hope you'll be able to confide to him when you feel the time is right. Do you want to talk about anything else?"

"No," Ichigo smiled. "You know how it works with me... But thanks, Unohana-san. May I be excused?"

"You may," she sighed. Another day without any result. She hoped that Abarai-sensei will be able to bring something out of Ichigo. "Have a good day, Ichigo-kun."

*****

Despite knowing he might not show up, Ichigo waited for his sensei by the riverside for at least half an hour. That's when his cell phone beeped a sound for a new message.

'I'm really sorry but I can't see you right now. I don't feel so good.'

What? Why? Ichigo felt kinda betrayed. Renji wanted him to talk about his problems as to a friend, but he never knew a thing that happened in Renji's life. What made Renji feel so bad?

He began walking before allowing himself to think it through. He wanted to show his sensei that he was there for him too, whatever his problem may be.

After several minutes of nearly running to Renji's apartment, he was there, pressing the button on the door-phone at the main entrance to the building.

"Yeah," Renji's voice crackled out from the device.

"It's me," Ichigo said and waited. There was a short pause before Renji buzzed him in, not saying anything more.

As he arrived to Renji's floor, the redhead was already waiting for him with an open door. "Hey kid," he said tiredly, "I'm sorry 'bout today."

Ichigo waved it off, approaching Renji. "What's happening?" He paused, noticing how pale his sensei was and how his eyes were reddened as if he's been crying. "Are you okay?"

"Hah," the redhead chuckled, barely making a smirk, "Unohana-san told me you'd be like this. Come in," he stepped aside and put a hand on Ichigo's back to gently guide him inside. "I've got some fresh tea... Want a cup?"

"No, thanks," Ichigo stopped in the middle of the room and turned to his teacher. "Tell me what's happening? Why are you so sad?"

Renji sighed and went to the sofa, motioning for Ichigo to follow. The teen noticed how there was a pack of tissues on the coffee table, a block of paper with scribbled numbers on the front page and Renji's cell phone. Raising his gaze back to Renji's face, he waited for the older man to start talking.

"You remember Miss Saiko, right? " When Ichigo nodded, Renji continued. "Well, the thing is... She's been living with cancer for years now and... Despite all the treatments, she's getting worse..." Renji's voice wavered a bit.

"She's in the hospital, here in Karakura because she can't be at home anymore... She needs morphine for the pain and constant care," the redhead made a face, trying to smile. "Can you believe, Karakura is her home town so she wants to be here when she..." Renji couldn't finish the sentence.

Ichigo didn't know where to look. He knew the feeling all too well. "I'm sorry," he managed to whisper out.

"And today," Renji went on like the teen didn't say a thing, forcing the words out of his mouth, "today, they nearly lost her... she was clinically dead for a minute but they managed to get her back... That's why I got that phone call... The doctors said it could happen any day now."

"I don't know what to say... How can I help you?" Ichigo asked, desperate to console him.

"Just... Talk to me... I don't know..." Renji leaned forward to put his face in his hands.

But what could Ichigo say? He's a seventeen year old kid, trying to comfort a grown man, his teacher for that matter. But, Ichigo did know at least one thing.

"W-well, you know, at least you have more time to get in peace with it... You know, say goodbye to her... I didn't have that opportunity..."

"I know," Renji whispered, not moving from his position. He felt a hesitant hand on his shoulder.

"You are able to accept things and let them go... You can tell her how much she means for you and tell her how happy you are. How she made you happy cause she loved you like her own child..." The boy's breath hitched, making Renji lift his head up.

"Ichigo..."

"I never had the chance to say goodbye to my mom...  There were so many things I wanted to tell her after that happened... I still catch myself thinking how she would smile when I get a good grade, or how she'd laugh when I do something silly... I still wanna tell her things... I wanna tell her that we're managing somehow... I wanna tell her about dad's crazy ways to make us all laugh again, about how Yuzu is more and more like her as days pass by, how Karin is doing great in her soccer practice... I wanna tell her about you..."

Hot tears blurred his vision and trickled down his cheeks. It was the first time he cried in front of someone since his mother died and the fact that it was Renji made it somehow easier. He feared it turned out selfish because of the monologue about himself, but Renji didn't seem to be upset.

Ichigo felt a warm arm around his back, a big hand comfortingly squeezing his shoulder. "You gotta talk about it, Ichigo... It will hurt less every time," Renji murmured softly.

"I miss her," the boy finally cried.

"I know... I know..." Not knowing what else to do, Renji embraced him tightly, shushing when Ichigo sobbed into his shoulder, clutching at his shirt as if he was drowning. He waited until the miserable sobs diminished, just holding the teen tightly against himself and petting his hair.

"You're right," the redhead said softly, rocking him back and forth. "I have to tell her, even though she already knows. It's nice to hear those things right?" He only felt a nod as an answer.

No more words were needed at the moment, just a comforting touch and warmth of the embrace. Renji kept holding the boy until he felt him relax and sag against him when he fell asleep. Slowly maneuvering him to lie on the sofa, Renji managed to pull free and then went to fetch a blanket from his bedroom. He laid it over the sleeping teen and stroked the fluffy orange hair once more before going to the kitchen to see what he could make for dinner. It will obviously be for two. 

Chapter Text

It was already evening when Ichigo woke up. He slowly blinked and looked around, confused for only a moment. The living room's lights were off, but it wasn't completely dark since there was a glow coming from the adjoined kitchen.

He was a bit stiff from lying in the same position on a sofa for a couple of hours, but overall, he felt warm and cozy. Safe. He sighed and snuggled into the fluffy polyester blanket, pressing his cheek against the soft material. It smelled like Renji. Like his embrace where he fell asleep. He suddenly wanted to be back in those arms, protected from the world.

He sat up slowly, rubbing at his eyes and sniffing the air. Renji was cooking something good. He heard him working in the kitchen, the food sizzling on the stove.

"You're up," he heard Renji's voice. It still didn't sound as usual, but at least it wasn't so depressed like before.

"Yeah... I'm sorry 'bout... that..."

"No sweat. I figured you'd be hungry so I made dinner," the redhead murmured a bit distractedly while distributing food into two plates.

"Thanks. It smells good. Chicken?"

"Yeah, with steamed veggies," Renji smiled a bit. "Sit down."

Ichigo obeyed and thanked him again when Renji put a plate in front of him. "Itadakimasu."

That big, gentle hand landed on his head and ruffled his hair before Renji sat down as well and began cutting the meat on his plate.

Ichigo observed his hands for a moment before giving himself a mental nudge to stop staring. Too many confusing thoughts were drifting around his mind so it was for the best if he ignored them until he had time to face them and think.

"This is really good," he said after trying a bite of everything.

"Thanks. I'm glad you like it," Renji smiled.

Being on his own for so long was a good enough reason to learn cooking for himself. When he turned eighteen and finished high school, he couldn't stay in the home for abandoned children anymore – he had to find a place of his own. Of course that Miss Saiko helped him out with the rent and food money until he'd found a job. And he repaid it all the first chance he got.

"Hey, um... I don't know if I'll be able to hang out with you for the next few days... I guess I'll spend afternoons in the hospital," Renji murmured quietly, the sadness nearly overwhelming him again.

Ichigo watched him for a moment, mulling things over in his head. He chewed and swallowed the food in his mouth and leaned forward with a hopeful look. "Do you have someone to be there for you?"

The teen almost regretted asking, remembering that Renji's girlfriend would be coming back any day now. But he guessed he still had the next day to keep him company – he didn't want Renji to be alone if something happened.

"Well, no..."

"I'll go with you," Ichigo offered.

"I can't ask you to go... You've got your stuff to do..."

"No, really, I'll go. Visiting hours are after school right?"

"Yeah... Thank you," Renji didn't know what to say. The boy was so sweet, so compassionate... And stubborn. The redhead managed a smirk, observing Ichigo. He had a face and body of a teenager, but his eyes looked much older. He remembered his first day of substituting, how he was taken aback with the sadness residing in those deep brandy eyes. He wanted Ichigo to open even more. What happened a couple of hours ago was a huge deal and it couldn't stop there.

It felt good to know how much trust the teen put in him; it felt good to comfort him, to hold him close. Renji knew he shouldn't go down that path, but he could at least admit that Ichigo was a person to wish for. Friend or a companion, either way, he was as equally sweet as messed up. Renji wished to be able to 'save' him. He wanted to save him but it wasn't just about being a teacher anymore. It was much more than that and it was beginning to worry him.

*****

The next day, Ichigo went with Renji to the hospital and waited in the cafeteria. He didn't want to get in the way or anything and besides, he didn't even know the woman. The most important thing was that he was there if his sensei needed him.

He entertained himself with newspaper and crosswords until the visiting time was over. After a couple of minutes, Renji joined him at the table and sat down heavily. He looked drained.

Ichigo gave him an inquisitive look.

"I dunno," the redhead drawled. "She's barely awake..."

"Did you tell her?"

"I tried," Renji sighed. "She wouldn't hear it. Kept saying it's still not the time to say goodbye. She's onto me, man," the redhead actually laughed. "Knows me better than anyone."

Ichigo wanted to know him that good. He wanted to know everything. Well, there were some things he already knew – big stuff, like his tattoos. He knew about them all and still felt privileged because nobody in his class knew that. They've just seen those on Renji's forehead and neck. He also knew how his eyebrows drew together when he was concentrating hard. How his nose wrinkled just a little bit when he was annoyed. He knew the entire range of Renji's chuckles and smirks. And what each represented.

Ichigo didn't realize he was staring until his sensei poked him in the forehead with his index finger.

"Huh?"

"I said it's time to go," Renji gave a lopsided grin, seeing the utterly confused look on the teen's face. "What were you thinking about?"

Ichigo opened his mouth, only to close it again, blushing a bit while his heart pounded crazily. 'What the hell is happening to me?!'

"Um, nothing... I just remembered I have homework to do," he lied.

"Then let's get going. I'm your teacher after all. Can't make you slack off," Renji patted his shoulder while standing up.

*****

As the two exited the hospital and started walking together down the path to the street, Ichigo noticed a small, raven-haired woman coming towards them with a smile on her face. His eyes darted to Renji, who was deep into texting someone on his cell phone.

"Renji," the woman called out, waving at him.

The redhead nearly dropped his phone and after shoving it into his jeans pocked, hurried towards her. He effortlessly lifted her into a bear hug, making her squeal and giggle. The happiness over their meeting was evident. Ichigo felt his chest hurt like it never hurt before.

Chapter Text

Ichigo stood there awkwardly while Renji hugged the air out of the tiny woman. He never felt like that before... So miserable. He suddenly felt like he didn't belong there in any way and really, really wanted to leave. That's when Renji finally let her go.

The woman caressed the redhead's face with both her hands, a loving gesture that Ichigo also painfully noticed, and turned to the teen, offering a hand.

"Kuchiki Rukia, pleased to meet you," her eyes glittered in a mischievous way. Almost like she was smirking at him instead of smiling.

"Kurosaki Ichigo," he murmured, eyeing her, almost expecting her to pull a prank of some sorts.

She nodded and turned back to Renji, taking his hands into her small ones. "I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner. How is she?"

"Bad," Renji sighed and cast a look on Ichigo. The boy was looking politely away, hands in his pockets. The redhead noticed how tense he was and felt like he should be apologizing to him. Pushing the thought aside, he glanced back at Rukia and squeezed her hands. "Visiting hours are over for today, but you can go with me again tomorrow."

"Of course I'll go. I owe her so much," Rukia sighed. "Well, if there's nothing we can do at the moment, can we go and have a bite to eat?"

"Sure! There's this fast food place nearby, if you still like cheeseburgers," Renji smirked knowingly.

"Gah! I would kill for a cheeseburger!"

Ichigo sighed, hearing the conversation and already prepared himself to say goodbye and go home. There was no place for him there, honestly.

"Ichigo, you comin?"

"What? Me? B-but you should probably... Hang out and talk... And I have homework to do..." 

"I don't remember giving you one," Renji grinned and then laughed as the teen blushed bright red. He also noticed that Rukia gave an intrigued look but didn't say anything.

"I shouldn't interrupt your time with your girlfriend..." Ichigo tried again, now desperately wanting to run away and hide.

Before Renji could answer, Rukia snorted and waved a hand. "Oh please, I'm nowhere near his list of preferences."

Renji rolled his eyes while the small woman patted him on the back and giggled.

What the hell did that mean? Ichigo scratched the back of his head and stared at the weird couple. Okay, so she wasn't his girlfriend. Oh, that's right, Renji's secret lover always put a 'B' as a signature. But was it an ex or not? And Rukia must be connected somehow since she too was in Paris. Maybe it was Rukia's friend or a sister?

*****

"So, please tell me how's this goofball doing as a teacher?" Rukia asked the teen, munching on a cheeseburger bigger than her hands.

"Hey you're undermining my authority here!"

Ichigo felt a bit more lighthearted so he dared to make a joke. "What authority?"

Rukia burst into laughter, barely managing to swallow the bite before it all would go to hell. "Oh man, you're good!"

"Great," Renji grumbled, feigning to be upset. "Should I leave and let you two have fun?"

"Aw, don't be mad," Rukia drawled, leaning in and planting a kiss on his cheek.

Ichigo observed with amusement how his sensei grumbled something, but smiled anyway. Now he could see it for real. The two were more like siblings. Okay, so he couldn't picture himself being that close to either of his sisters but that was probably because they were so younger than him. Renji and Rukia seemed to be of the same age.

"So," he decided to join the conversation again, "how did you two meet?"

Renji smiled a bit sadly. "At Miss Saiko's. We were there together until we were twelve."

"I'm sorry," Ichigo blurted, feeling very ashamed.

"It's okay," Rukia smiled. "You couldn't have known."

"Um so... Twelve? Weren't you allowed to stay until you're eighteen?"

"I was adopted by Kuchiki family. I wasn't so sure I'd like it, but Renji convinced me to give it a try. They were so nice to me, like a real family. The only tough part was that they decided to expand their business to France. Eventually the whole family went and only I and Nii-sama stayed to finish school and college. We joined them in Paris six months ago."

"I guess you like it better here, huh," Ichigo commented, his brain going into overdrive, trying to figure out all that jumble. So who was B.?

"By the way, Nii-sama sends his regards," Rukia said, somewhat cautious.

"I couldn't care less," Renji muttered.

"But Renji, he..."

"I said I don't care. Drop it. Please," the redhead sounded convincing enough, so the next few minutes passed in silence.

Ichigo sat there, playing with the straw in his drink, avoiding looking at either of them.

"See, now you made him feel weird," Renji accused his childhood friend. "Sorry kid, we shouldn't have had this conversation in front of you. That was rude of us."

"That's okay... Um, anyway, I should be going now... My dad is waiting for me." He stood up and looked over at Rukia, bowing a little. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Kuchiki-san."

"You too, Kurosaki-kun. We'll see each other again, I guess, since I'm back," she smiled, this time genuinely.

"Have a good day, sensei," Ichigo turned to the redhead, smiling as the words left his mouth.

"See ya tomorrow kiddo."

Seeing the look on Renji's face as he said goodbye to the young man and then watched him go, Rukia's eyes widened in surprise. She knew that look all too well.

"Renji."

"Hmm," the redhead hummed absentmindedly.

"We gotta talk."

*****

"What's the matter, Ichi-nii? You seem really distracted today," Yuzu asked sweetly as she brought a pot of curry to the table.

Ichigo glanced at his little sister and shook his head. His thoughts were on his sensei, wondering about Rukia and that other person... He gradually wanted to spend more and more time with Renji and now he was actually jealous that Rukia stayed with him. On the other hand, he thought it was ridiculous – there was no way that Renji would suddenly realize he wanted to be with her and then do something and then he and Rukia would be together and never hang out with him again... Ichigo hated himself for being so damn paranoid and couldn't figure out why it was happening to him. Why was Renji so important to him? If that was, in fact, real jealousy, then was he maybe in love with---

"Helooo?" A voice rang in his ear, interrupting the last line of thought. Ichigo jumped in his seat and stared at his other sister.

"Karin, what the hell..."

"Leave him be, girls," Isshin chuckled. "He must have some hottie on his mind. After all, it's mating season..."

"Puberty, dad," Karin rolled her eyes, disgusted with his choice of words.

"Dad," Ichigo said absentmindedly. "How did you know you were in love with mom?"

Isshin grinned like he'd won a best father award and sat down next to his son. "Now, why is my boy asking me that?"

Ichigo groaned. "You know, just forget I asked."

"Alright, alright, sorry! Erm, well, how did I know? I just did. I couldn't imagine being away from her for too long. I started to notice every little detail about her that made her such a wonderful person... My heart would begin pounding like crazy whenever she was around..."

Isshin chuckled, "Not to mention I was a clumsy, nervous wreck in her proximity... And then I finally asked her out on a date."

"So you felt all of that before you started dating?" Ichigo asked.

"Yeah... And when we had been dating for several months, I knew I wanted her to be the only woman in my life." Isshin gave a warm, somewhat sad smile, remembering his love. "You should ask that girl on a date if you feel that way."

Ichigo squirmed in his seat, his cheeks flushing. "Uh, it's not that simple..."

"Why? She doesn't like you back?"

Ichigo wondered how his father would react if he told him that it wasn't a 'she' and that it was his teacher. He wasn't sure which of the two was worse.

"I... I don't know..."

"I'm sure you'll work it out somehow."

Ichigo sighed. Yeah right. He was a seventeen year old kid and Renji was a grown man. His teacher. A man. There was nothing to work out.

Chapter Text

Is this love that I'm feeling? Is this the love that I've been searching for?
Is this love or am I dreaming?
This must be love, 'Cos it's really got a hold on me...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Whitesnake, "Is this Love"

*****

After walking Rukia to her apartment, Renji slowly walked home, replaying the conversation they had in the fast food restaurant after Ichigo had left. Rukia demanded answers which he didn't know he had. She saw, and she knew, after only one hour of sitting with him and Ichigo in that restaurant.

The redhead came to a stop when he was on the riverbank, just watching the sunset. He wished he had company to put his arm around, to share the moment. It was his own choice to be alone. Well, it was better this way, without the constant regret and misery.

He had the option to move to Paris. He had it, and he refused it after realizing it would be too much for him. Not knowing the language, he wouldn't be anything more than a tourist there. Byakuya had the best intentions inviting him there, so they could resume being together, but he didn't seem to understand that Renji wanted and needed more than just a life on his family's expense.

It was his decision to let him go. Did he question his choice? Of course he did, at first.

Of course, the fact that Byakuya still called him and sent him invitations didn't help much and he was getting annoyed at the man for not understanding that it was making things harder. He'd already told him that it was for the best if they broke off for real, but Byakuya refused it, didn't take it seriously. It made Renji feel like a toy. Like his opinion didn't matter at all. And he slowly began to realize that Byakuya was more of a pretty face than a considerate person.

Even with the occasional memory bursts, now he could finally say he was over Byakuya. So far, it was going well.

*****

Today, Rukia told him that he was having that look on his face while watching Ichigo. He wondered if she was so good at reading his facial expressions or he was getting rusty with acknowledging his own feelings. 'In denial' was maybe more accurate.  

So, when he was wishing for someone to hold tight and watch the sunset together, the first picture that came to his mind wasn't made of ivory white or raven black anymore. It was a bright, sunny orange. Bright, crazy hair, peach skin and warm brandy eyes on the sweetest person he knew.

When it had started? He had no idea. Would he still want to spend every minute of his time with Ichigo, trying to get closer to him, if he had known the things would go this way? ... Yes, he would... But that was all it could be. He was a teacher and even though the kid might have a thing for him as well, it would be too wrong and could possibly end up with him in prison for seducing a minor.

His mind decided to go back to 'the kid might have a thing for him' and Renji cursed his childhood friend for emphasizing it.

"He keeps looking at you with those big puppy-dog eyes and every time you talk to him, he's all smiley and flushed. An idiot would be able to notice."

Nice. Now she was implying he was being an idiot, as well. Of course he noticed. Who wouldn't? The kid was stunning. Renji believed that half of Ichigo's class would kill to get such a look from him.

He didn't even realize that his hand reached into his jeans pocket and toyed with his cell phone. He was considering texting Ichigo to ask him... No, to tell him... What exactly? That he wanted to hang out? But the kid just got home. He stared at the little screen and then nearly dropped the phone when it suddenly vibrated in his hands.

He smirked. It was like telepathy. The message was from Ichigo.

"I apologize for being the third wheel. I know you haven't seen each other for a long time."

Renji sighed. What third wheel? His fingers started typing. "Don't apologize. We invited you, remember? Whatcha doin' now? If you wanna hang out, you can drop by."

Okay, so he did invite him in the end. Oh well, it wasn't that Ichigo's house was so far away from his apartment, so Renji hoped it wouldn't be too big a trouble if he did decide to come over.

His cell beeped again.

"I'd like to, but I already have plans with Chad and Ishida. Tomorrow?"

Chad? Oh, that's right – Sado, Renji remembered, smirking. "Yeah, tomorrow, after hospital."

*****

The next day, Renji didn't come to school. Instead of having a substitute for a substitute, the literature class was dismissed and the kids were allowed to do what they wanted, as long as they stayed in school and around it.

Ichigo was sitting on a bench in the schoolyard with Chad and Keigo, nervously checking his cell phone every few minutes. He wasn't sure if it would be okay to text Renji... He didn't want to bother him, while worrying at the same time. He felt awful.

"I wonder why Abarai-sensei didn't come today," Keigo started the conversation, eyeing Ichigo. "Do you know?"

Ichigo sighed. "U-huh..." He toyed with his mobile some more, avoiding the inquiring look from his friend.

"You hang out with him pretty often. What do you do anyway?"

"We run, or go to the gym. Or hang out at his place and eat pizza, whatever."

"Haaaa, I knew it" Keigo wailed, "I bet you're doing it for the grades, nerd boy! You'll turn into Ishida!"

"I'm not doing it for the grades," Ichigo muttered. "He's been a real friend to me..."

"Are ya sure it's not just a way to make you talk?"

"What? No!" Ichigo nearly jumped, suddenly very annoyed at his friend. "Maybe that was one of the reasons he always tried to talk to me in the beginning, but I know it's not like that now!"

"Suit yourself," Keigo shrugged. "But don't be disappointed when he leaves and you never hear from him again."

"He won't," Ichigo had enough of the conversation. He knew that Renji would never do something like that, but then again, hearing those words from Keigo made him feel a bit doubtful. What if he really...? No. Would he leave? Really leave?

"Screw you, Keigo," he spat and got up, deciding to get inside the classroom. The girls would at least leave him alone if he scowled hard enough.

*****

When the school day was over, Ichigo hurried in the direction of his sensei's apartment. He didn't really believe he'd find him there, but he could wait for a half an hour or a bit longer for Renji to show up.

He got lucky and slipped into the building just as one of the neighbors was getting out. It looked like it might start raining so he was glad he managed to get inside, at least into the hallway. As he suspected, there was no answer when he pressed Renji's doorbell.

Ichigo sighed and slid down against the wall. He hoped no one would think he's a burglar, waiting there on the floor. Oh well. This was more important. He took a notebook from his school bag and scribbled down his homework while he waited.

It passed more than an hour and he was still there. He felt like he waited for long enough and that he should leave, but then again, since he was waiting for so long, he might as well stay longer... He looked towards the window at the end of the corridor and saw that the sky was darkening menacingly. In the distance, he could hear a low rumble. It's definitely going to rain.

His stomach twisted when he heard footsteps on the nearby stairs. He got up on his feet and waited as the footsteps got closer. A tall figure with a hoodie hiding his face came around the corner and for a moment, Ichigo wasn't sure if that was his sensei.

"You're here," the man murmured, approaching him. A slightly trembling hand pulled the hood off, revealing a tired face.

"I... I wanted to..." Ichigo stuttered, pulling the bag strap on his shoulder, not sure if he should leave or wait and maybe talk to Renji. "H-how are you?"

"Not too well," Renji shrugged, jingling his keys as he unlocked the front door. "Come in." He stepped inside his apartment and held the door for the teen.

"Sensei..."

"It's over," Renji said in a flat voice. "It's... it's over. She's gone." He dropped his keys on the coffee table as he passed by it and went to the window. "They called me in the morning... It was bad. I, uh... I managed to tell her but I don't know if she heard me," Renji rambled on and on, making Ichigo want to cry.

The teen was standing in the middle of the living room, staring at the redhead's back, just listening to him talk until he heard a change in his voice. Ichigo's throat closed up in empathy and he made those few steps to stand by Renji's side.

"I think she heard you," he said quietly, gazing up at his sensei.

Renji's tired eyes focused on the teen and as he wanted to respond, the first tear rolled down his cheek.

Ichigo watched it slide down and drip onto Renji's hoodie and as an instant reaction, he stretched his arms and embraced the tall man around his neck, offering him comfort. His heart ached as Renji's arms slipped around his waist, holding him tight against himself. He felt how the redhead's whole body shook with emotions and could only hold him tighter.

Unconsciously, his fingers slid gently up and down the nape of Renji's neck, feeling the warm skin. He remembered how the redhead comforted him when he broke down a few days ago, how nice it felt to be in his tight embrace. It was nice to know that someone cared. Someone other than his family. He couldn't describe it, but he felt it was important, too. 

He could feel Renji's chin digging into his shoulder and his warm breath on his neck. It almost made him shiver, but knowing the situation, he kept holding on wordlessly, closing his eyes and readjusting his embrace around the other man's neck.

Ichigo had no idea how long they just stayed that way, but eventually, Renji gave a deep sigh and straightened up slowly. His hands slid up to the boy's shoulders and squeezed them.

"Thank you," he rasped.

Ichigo shook his head and gave a faint smile, glad that Renji seemed better. He looked up at his sensei and again felt his heart skip a beat. They were so close to each other. Renji's eyes held his as the hands on his shoulders slid even further up and cupped his face. The redhead's thumbs slowly caressed his cheekbones and then he felt a gentle bump as their foreheads came together.

Renji was looking at him with his eyes half-closed and never in his life did he notice that a man could be that breathtaking.

Chapter Text

Ichigo was overwhelmed, feeling Renji so close, his big hands on his cheeks, his warm breath against his lips... Was it just a special moment, or the redhead saw him that way too, Ichigo had no idea and at the moment, he didn't think it really mattered. Nothing mattered but Renji's warmth pressed close to him.

He swallowed nervously and kept looking at his sensei, who in turn kept caressing his face.

The loud chirp from Renji's cell phone made them both wince. The redhead slowly let him go and reached into his pocket, checking the screen before answering.

"Hey Rukia... I... I'll be fine," Renji reached out and gently squeezed Ichigo's shoulder in a thankful manner. "You don't have to come over. Yeah, Ichigo's here." Then he gave a tiny smirk at something that Rukia said. "Sure, I'll tell him. Bye, sweetie."

Ichigo blinked, giving him a curious look.

"Rukia said 'hi'," Renji murmured, looking a bit uncomfortable. "You... You'll stay?"

The boy's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "If you want me here, of course I'll stay,"

This great, big man looked so vulnerable right now that Ichigo wanted to keep hugging him for the rest of the evening. But that would be ridiculous, right?

"I want you to stay," the redhead said, visibly relaxing. It seemed that he really didn't want to be alone that night. It should be something to talk about, not try to hide, so Renji acted on it, even chuckling a bit.

"Uh, this must be really weird to you... I'm really not my usual self today."

It hurt a bit for Ichigo to hear. So the embrace and every touch in between was not the usual Abarai-sensei. He managed a sour smile. "It's okay... I don't mind."

"I didn't mean," the older man stumbled over his words, "I didn't mean that's a totally opposite of me... You know? It's more like... I allow myself more than I would... or should..."

So he must have seen Ichigo's painful smile and tried to alter his answer. Ichigo shook his head and looked at his sensei, this time without the sour look on his face. "I'll just call my dad, so he doesn't worry, okay?"

Renji let out a breath he wasn't even aware he was holding. "Sure."

*****

"Are you hungry? I could make you something," Ichigo got into 'Yuzu mode' without noticing until the words were already out. It probably ran in the family.

Renji shifted on his seat on the sofa and eyed the boy a bit suspiciously. "You can cook?"

"Yeah," Ichigo sounded offended. "... Probably," he added silently, slouching into the sofa mattress.

The redhead couldn't help but chuckle at the teen's stubbornness. "Probably?" As Ichigo got flushed to the tips of his ears, Renji gave a gentle smile. "You don't have to do that. I didn't ask you to stay so you would cook for me or anything."

"I want to, okay? You should just take it easy and sit right here on the sofa and do something you enjoy..." Ichigo scratched the back of his head. "I can make pancakes..."

"You're really something, yanno," Renji shook his head. "I wanna keep you company while you do that."

"You're scared there'll be egg shell in them, huh?"

The redhead snorted at the accusation before his expression fell into a guilty look on his face. "I'm... I'm having too much fun considering... Considering today..."

"Hey... It's okay," the teen scooted closer until their shoulders were touching. He leaned into the warmth of the other man, nudging him gently. "You knew this was gonna happen, you know? You're prepared... It's not a bad thing to laugh or have a bit of fun. That doesn't mean you don't respect her... She'd be happy for you, that you're not suffering... What mother would like her kid to suffer?"

Ichigo bit his tongue, realizing that he's the one that has been moody all this time, before Renji came to substitute in his school. His mother would definitely want him to stop blaming himself for what happened.

"Don't be like me," he added, giving Renji a sincere look. "You have to think about yourself now..."

"I'm trying to," the redhead murmured, inclining his head to the side.

"About the things you want..." Ichigo continued.

Renji slowly shifted in his seat, turning to the teen.

"F-for example... That youth center..." The boy stuttered, again lost in those deep eyes. In the slightly darkened room, Renji's eyes looked almost unnatural, such a beautiful shade of mahogany.

"S-sensei..."

"I'm gonna get in so much trouble," Renji whispered.

"What for?"   

The redhead observed him silently, his hand sliding up where it was before, caressing Ichigo's cheek. As the teen gently gripped the other's wrist, keeping his hand against his face, Renji pulled him closer until he was in his arms. He got a close view of the tattoos on Renji's neck but forgot all about them when warm fingers gently tipped his chin up.

Ichigo felt his heart throbbing all the way up in his throat as Renji pressed his mouth against his and kissed him gently. He timidly returned the kiss, trying to remember how to breathe when his lungs began to burn from the lack of air. Ichigo tried to calm his racing heart as those soft, warm lips increased the pressure before pulling away.

"For this," the older man whispered against his mouth, his fingers sliding into the bright hair, just above Ichigo's ear. "For having the thoughts that a decent teacher should never have about his student."

"W-what if the student has the same thoughts," Ichigo asked with a shy but hopeful smile.

"Does he," Renji murmured, nuzzling the boy's lips.

"He does," the teen breathed, closing his eyes and blushing at the confession. Feeling Renji's lips moving against his as he spoke was making his head swim and his stomach flutter.

"That still doesn't make it appropriate," Renji said softly but didn't pull away, his fingers still gently playing with Ichigo's hair.

"I don't care," Ichigo said, shivering even as he was in a warm embrace. His breath hitched as Renji kissed him again while cupping the back of his head, holding him close. He had no idea what he was doing, but it all felt insanely good. The gentle slide of lips and only a hint of tongue was all he could focus on, except for letting his hand explore the broad chest before going to Renji's neck to trace the tattoos on the soft skin.

Ichigo had never been kissed before, but somehow he could tell that Renji was doing it great. He was gently nipping his lips, slowly moving his own against them. His tongue was slowly sliding between his lips, just to tease. It was controlled and light, enough to create desire for more.

Just as the teen found some courage to respond more eagerly, the older man pulled away, caressing his face. Wordlessly, he started to kiss his jaw and neck before embracing him tightly, burying his nose in his hair.

Ichigo closed his eyes and relaxed in his arms. He was unconsciously rubbing his face against the material of Renji's hoodie, enjoying the softness and the scent that lingered all around the redhead. It went straight to a place deep inside his chest, which made him want more kisses from that man. He turned his head, sliding his lips over the tattoos on Renji's neck before reaching his ear.

"Kiss me again," he asked quietly, taking a deep breath after the words have left his mouth. He felt the hold around him tighten for a moment and then lips claiming his in a flash, this time a bit more demanding.

Ichigo mewed as the sinuous tongue delved inside his mouth, stroking his own. The heat was burning his cheeks while tingles ran down his spine and pooled in his lower belly. At the moment, he was ready for anything. He would do anything.

His arms slowly wrapped around his sensei's shoulders as he was gently pushed to lie on his back.

Chapter Text

While lying on his back with Renji's weight on him, Ichigo practically melted into the sofa mattress. The slow but passionate kisses from his sensei almost made him want to cry and laugh at the same time, the redhead treating him like something most precious.  

He felt a warm, dry hand sliding under his t-shirt, up his side as the older man kept kissing him. Those loving lips slowly moved down his neck, the strong fingers pulling onto the collar of his t-shirt to reveal more skin.

Ichigo didn't know what to do with his hands, so they ended up sliding around Renji's torso and holding on as he continued his exploration. He felt the strong muscles flexing under the hoodie from the way Renji was trying not to put his whole weight on him. He wanted him closer.

The teen tightened his hold around Renji's back and pulled him closer until the redhead gave in with a soft grunt. Ichigo gasped in response, feeling Renji's arousal against his thigh. It was both thrilling and confusing, making something in his belly coil, sending strong pulses of pleasure through his whole body.

Soft lips were nuzzling his neck, sharp teeth gently nipping the skin as the redhead just barely moved over him. It was almost too much for the teenage virgin.

"Ah, sensei!" He mewled, a strong shudder passing through his belly. He wanted to wrap himself around Renji and never let go.  

Renji pulled back and gave him a heated look, full of passion while cupping his face. How that man managed to control it, Ichigo had yet to learn. The redhead kissed him, slowly sliding his tongue in and out of his mouth, coaxing him to respond equally.

The redhead let his hands roam up and down Ichigo's sides, sliding again under the t-shirt, caressing the young skin. Ichigo was lost in just feeling. He gave a shaky sigh when Renji shifted lower, nuzzling his chest while pushing the shirt up to reveal his stomach. The lower he got, the higher the shirt went until it was hiked up all the way under Ichigo's arms.

He wanted to cry when he felt Renji's lips on his stomach. They were soft and warm, but still they burned his skin. The redhead kissed and nipped around his bellybutton before sliding back up, looking him in the eye.

"Stay with me, Ichigo."

The boy smiled a bit. "I already said I would..."

"I know, just... Stay, like this..." Renji nuzzled his cheek, while gently sliding his hand up and down his side.

"I will," Ichigo said softly, taking hold of Renji's arm, feeling the firm muscles.

The redhead smiled and kissed him gently, obviously reigning over his lust that was undeniably pressing against Ichigo's leg.

At the same time, Ichigo thought he was going to pass out from feeling it. "S-sensei..."

"Call me by my name," Renji murmured, pulling back and straightening up on the sofa. He smirked at the teen. "Sorry I jumped you like that... Ah, it's been a while." He reached out and pulled Ichigo's shirt back down, caressing his sides at the same time. "I don't wanna scare you off."

"S-sure," Ichigo agreed a little breathlessly. He wouldn't mind continuing, but at the same time he felt relieved that Renji wasn't pushing him. The man was so considerate... Ichigo wanted to hug him for that, but restrained himself, not wanting to look like a clingy girl.

Renji offered him a hand and hauled him up from the lying position he was in. "I'll ask you for those pancakes some other time... I don't want you working in the kitchen when you can be here with me. Let's order something and stay here. I just wanna relax, like you said."

"Okay."

*****

Ichigo knew that his sensei was a kind and gentle person, but he had no idea how much that man loved to cuddle. After they've eaten their meal, Renji pulled him close while they watched a movie, put his arms around him and just snuggled him. Without any sexual connotations, the redhead just gently caressed him and nuzzled his hair, only kissing him on the lips a few times.

"Are you sleepy?" Renji asked as the teen yawned.

"Maybe a bit..." It was almost 2 am and he was already considering asking the redhead for a blanket or something so he could sleep on the sofa. He didn't even realize he was pressing close to the other man, almost using his shoulder as a pillow.

Renji gave a gentle smile, and leaned in, catching the boy's lips in a slow, lingering kiss. It continued to another one, and another one. Renji cupped the back of his head and caressed his cheek, deepening the kiss. He purred into his mouth, his hand sliding down his arm to his waist, holding him close.

Ichigo mewed, feeling a new rush of excitement surging trough his body. His sensei's lips traveled down to his neck, tickling and sending shivers down his back. He remembered how he wanted to be called by his first name, so Ichigo took a deep breath and gathered courage to do so.

"Renji..."

"Oh damn," the redhead groaned and grabbed the teen, pulling his leg over his lap. "Come here," he murmured and guided Ichigo to straddle him.

The boy sat there a bit awkwardly for a short moment until Renji's arms closed around him and firmly held him close. He forgot about everything when the man continued to nibble on his neck. He felt him. He felt Renji's hardness against him and he couldn't keep still anymore. Throwing his arms around the redhead's neck, he rolled his hips.

As Renji suddenly stopped all actions, for a moment he thought he did something wrong, until he looked at Renji's face and saw his expression. Before managing to say anything, Renji was kissing him deeply, both his hands grabbing his butt cheeks, kneading and squeezing, holding him down while rolling his hips underneath him. It felt exquisite and Ichigo let out a keening moan before he could shut his mouth.

Noticing, Renji nuzzled his jaw. "Don't hold back with me..." Their eyes met, Renji's burning with desire. "Help me get over this day..."

"I will," Ichigo swallowed and closed his eyes, kissing the redhead on his own initiative. He almost squeaked out loud as everything under him suddenly moved. Renji had gotten up while holding him tightly in his arms and made towards the bedroom.

"Wha! Put me down!"  

"No way, I'm being romantic," Renji grinned and pushed the door open with his foot.

"Sensei!!"

Before he knew it, he was lying on Renji's bed with the redhead on top of him, kissing him into oblivion. His t-shirt somehow appeared in his line of sight and went effortlessly over his head. Ichigo let out a nervous little chuckle at Renji's eagerness to get him naked, but he couldn't blame him. He felt exactly the same.

He tugged on the redhead's hoodie and pulled it up. It got stuck on Renji's ponytail and messed it up when he finally yanked it off, pulling the hair tie with it. The fiery red hair spilled down, curtaining Renji's face and tickling Ichigo's chest.

The boy stared up and down, taking in the hair and the tattoos on Renji's arms, chest and abdomen.

"Oh my god... You... You're..." Beautiful. Ichigo trailed off, slowly running his fingers down the jagged ink markings.

Renji took his hand and pressed it to his chest, just over his heart. As the teen felt the strong muscle pumping inside, Renji guided his hand up, over his neck, into his long hair.

The boy was grateful for the silent tips. He wanted to please Renji, so he did everything without hesitating. He ran his fingers through the long, silky tresses, smiling as the other man quietly purred and inclined his head towards the touch.

Ichigo reached out with his other hand and pulled the other man close, gasping at the skin-against-skin contact. Renji was warm and smooth, and so big and broad that Ichigo suddenly felt like he was twice his size. He felt safe in his arms. He closed his eyes, taking in Renji's scent. He wanted to be covered with it. He wanted to smell of him and know that it's because they made out half naked in Renji's bed.

The redhead's skin was so soft and smooth that Ichigo wanted to spend at least one whole evening, just kissing it and brushing his lips over every inch available. He had no idea he was able to have those feelings and wishes, but it felt so good that he almost giggled out loud while Renji was holding him, worshipping his mouth.

Renji rolled them to the side, one hand sliding down slowly to play with the buttons on Ichigo's fly.

"Is it okay," he asked quietly, placing a short kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"Yeah..." The teen rasped, already so aroused that he feared everything would be over the moment that Renji touched him. He unconsciously held his breath, feeling the buttons popping open and Renji's fingers slowly, sensually touching everywhere around, but not where he'd want them the most.

The big, warm hand slid to the back, cupping his butt under the jeans material, rubbing slowly, warming him up to the boiling point. Ichigo imagined that if he were a cartoon character, a little red thermometer would explode above his head right then.

Renji pushed him to lie on his back, while he got up to his knees and slowly, slowly tugged the jeans off his hips and legs. Those warm hands slid up and down his thighs, fingertips pushing just an inch inside his boxers. It was driving him crazy.

"Wh-what about you?" He managed to ask, his hips doing tiny movements of their own. He'd kill for any kind of friction.

The redhead smirked and yanked down his track pants in one motion, kicking them all the way off before settling next to the reclining teen. Holding himself propped on one arm, he let his free hand to run up Ichigo's thigh, to his hip, fingers barely touching the outlines of his shaft inside the stretchy material of his boxer briefs.

"Hnnn... Haah, th-that's..." Ichigo panted, writhing under the light touch.

"Good?" Renji murmured, nuzzling his jaw. "Want me to take these off for you," he tugged at the waistband, smirking as he felt warm wetness under his fingers.

"Y-yeah... Take 'em off... And yours..." Ichigo grabbed the other man's arm, helping himself to turn to his side, reaching out for his sensei.

Renji smoothly did so, not getting too far away from the boy, pressing their bodies together once everything was taken off. Ichigo gaped when his eyes fell onto Renji's manhood. Feeling it pressing against his belly was causing his own to twitch and leak beads of pre-essence.

"Touch me," Renji purred, taking the teen's hand and leading it to his hip. Ichigo would have to do it on his own from there.

A young, trembling hand traveled those few inches and Ichigo gasped as he took hold of the hard, velvety length. Renji was really big. The teen mewed, liking that fact beyond his expectations. He stroked it slowly, enjoying the way it fitted in his hand.

"Is this okay?" He asked quietly, blinking up at his sensei.

"Mm, yeah... Wait," Renji bit his lip, shifting lower. Aligning himself with Ichigo, he gripped the teen's wrist. "Together..."

Ichigo whined as Renji's arousal was pressed against his own and the redhead's big hand closed over his, leading it slowly up and down both shafts.

"Aah, Renji..."

"Easy..." Still leading Ichigo's hand, Renji rolled on top of him, holding himself up on his other arm, his knees on the outer sides of Ichigo's thighs. It was easier to kiss the teen that way, and just slowly move his hips along with their hands.

Ichigo looked like he was about to cry, his eyes glassy from the sensations, his plump lips slightly parted. Renji caught Ichigo's lower lip and gently sucked on it while slowly, slowly and fluidly moving above him.

The boy felt under his hand that they were wet and dripping, and it only made his desire grow. He stared down at their erections sliding over one another, Renji's hand firmly stroking, while the redhead was moving at the same time. The sight was too much.

"G-gonna..." He grunted, staring at the other's flushed face.

Renji let out a shuddering breath against his lips and stroked them harder until Ichigo convulsed underneath him, making a mess all over his abdomen. The older man growled, the steady moves of his hips faltering as he shook all over, pressing his face into Ichigo's neck.

Ichigo felt the additional wetness on his belly as Renji went stiff above him, just breathing raggedly into his neck. It felt warm and wet and Ichigo felt so relaxed that he was ready to fall asleep immediately, not even registering the sticky feeling that ensued.

He smiled sleepily as Renji slowly nuzzled just under his ear, slightly tickling him.

"Satisfied?" The redhead purred, moving his head and looking the boy in the eye. He looked pretty tired, but he was smiling contently.

"Yeah," Ichigo took a deep breath and suddenly blushed. He'd just... And with his teacher... He pursed his lips trying not to laugh, while his blush turned into a deeper shade of red.

"What are ya doin'?" Renji chuckled, slowly pushing away from the boy.

Ichigo quickly shook his head and grinned, sliding his arms around Renji's neck. "I really liked this... I like... Being with you..."

"Me too, kiddo," Renji whispered, tenderly kissing the young lips.

*****

After cleaning up and getting back to bed, Ichigo couldn't wait to fall asleep in the safe warmth of his sensei. He twisted and turned, making Renji laugh, until he found a comfortable position, practically glued to the redhead's side.

All went well until he was woken sometime in the middle of the night. Renji was sitting on the bed, with his legs over the edge, hiding his face in his hands. By the silent sniffles, Ichigo could tell that he was mourning and sadness overcame him as well. He reached for that beautiful man and rested his head on his shoulder while trying his best to embrace him all the way around.

"It's okay," he whispered into the darkness. He felt a gentle hand caressing his cheek before Renji turned and pushed him to lie back down, joining him and pressing his forehead against Ichigo's temple, his lips an inch away from the boy's ear.

"Thanks Ichi," he murmured and snuggled closer, wrapping his arm around the teen's waist. 

Chapter Text

Almost two weeks had passed since Miss Saiko died and since Renji had found comfort in the arms of his student. The funeral was small and simple, just how Miss Saiko would've wanted. There were people who Renji hadn't seen in years, Rukia was there too and, of course, Ichigo. The teen was the only one who came not even knowing the woman; he was there for Renji and the redhead appreciated it immensely.

Renji was pretty depressed that day, but as more days passed, he was slowly returning to his normal self. Ichigo was there for him, either as a silent comfort or a cheerful company who'd distract his thoughts to happier things.

Slowly but surely, Renji was beginning to believe he was on a good way to end up happy with how his life was going. His substituting job was still on, and it now brought him even more joy not only because he was able to see Ichigo every day, but because he didn't have to think of ways to get him to open up.

After their first night together, Ichigo became even more trusting and opened, practically laying his heart out for Renji to see. All the stuff that had to do with Miss Saiko and her funeral were causing him to talk about his mother and there were a few times that the two young men were comforting each other at the same time. It just worked that way. Each time Ichigo cried his heart out, he seemed to feel better than before. Renji believed it was a good therapy for both of them.

The only problem seemed to be their societal roles and the fact that Ichigo was still a minor, but that was hardly what either of them thought about in the newly found romance. Besides, the only person who knew about them was Rukia.

*****

Ichigo felt like he was being courted. The redheaded, tattooed punk that was his substitute teacher was a gentle and patient boyfriend. Of course, they couldn't be open about their relationship while being in public, but Renji would make it up within a moment when they'd enter his apartment. They would spend the evening cuddling and kissing, not going anywhere further than what they did on their first night.

Ichigo never experienced something like that, and everything Renji did to him, or for him felt so nice and warm. He'd get tingling butterflies in his stomach every time Renji would start kissing him or nibbling his neck and it would always make him smile and just purr affectionately.

*****

One Friday evening, Renji had a different idea. It was already late evening when they finished their training in the gym and they were walking to Renji's apartment. Ichigo had gotten a permission from his dad to sleep over at 'a friend's house' so he was extra cheerful.

As they were in a deep discussion about various exercises, Ichigo didn't even notice that they've taken a different route to the redhead's building. When he did notice, Renji was already leading him through Karakura Community Park.

"Aren't we taking the longer way?"

"Yep," the redhead smirked, casting a look to the left and right and then sliding his arm around Ichigo's shoulders.

The boy smiled and pressed close. There was no one in the park after dark anyway and they were able to show some affection before getting to Renji's apartment.

"I wish I could do this more often," the redhead sighed, stopping and smiling down at Ichigo, putting both arms around him.  

The teen relaxed against his sensei, savoring the warmth of his body in the cold autumn air. He couldn't explain it – he loved how it was chilly outside and how he could feel it on his cheeks, but at the same time there was Renji keeping the rest of him warm.

Renji's soft lips descended on his own and Ichigo only had to close his eyes to forget that they were standing in the middle of the park. He loved kissing. It always made him feel a bit lightheaded and flustered, and Renji was always there to give him more.

Lost in the sensations, he didn't hear the footsteps down the path. Just as he felt Renji's skilled tongue gently sliding inside his mouth, the older man suddenly stopped and pulled away.

"Why did you..." Ichigo murmured, gazing up at the redhead. Renji was looking somewhere behind Ichigo's back with a slightly disturbed expression. The teen turned to see what it was and as his eyes met the cobalt blue ones of his classmate, he felt a blush creeping onto his face.

"Ishida..."

"Uh, hi... Kurosaki, A-Abarai-sensei..."

Ichigo felt Renji tensing up, but deep inside, he was glad that the redhead didn't let go of him. He wasn't sure, but he sensed that he'd be slightly offended if Renji had jumped away from him at the sight of someone they both knew.

"Ishida-kun," Renji greeted, smiling a bit at the curious, but otherwise not disapproving look the raven teen was giving them.

"I was just... um, passing by, you know? Uh, went to buy sewing stuff..." Ishida lifted the bag he was holding in his left hand.

"No need to explain yourself," Renji said amiably.

"Well, have a pleasant evening," Ishida blurted out a bit too fast and began walking.

"Hey, Ishida," Ichigo called out.

"Yeah," the other boy turned.

"Can I call you tomorrow?"

"Sure," the raven haired teen nodded and smiled a bit. "Bye Ichigo, Abarai-sensei."

"Bye," the blond murmured after him.

"That went well," Renji chuckled. "I guess the shock will wear off by tomorrow."

"You think?"

"Oh believe me, I've had my share of homophobes... This is a very good reaction! I just hope he doesn't blurt it out to a wrong person or we might get in trouble," Renji said lightly, but the concern was visible in his dark mahogany eyes.

"He won't," Ichigo assured. He knew Ishida. Even if he would want to tell someone, he'd at least wait until he talked with him. Ishida wasn't a person who'd share the details about other's privacy just like that. "But I wanna talk to him tomorrow. I feel like I owe him an explanation... He and Chad are my closest friends, you know?"

"It's great to have a friend who understands you."

"That's Rukia-san for you, right?"

"Yep, but please, call her Rukia. She already complained that it makes her feel old when you use honorifics."

"Alright," Ichigo laughed and took Renji's hand. "Let's go?"

"Sure," Renji planted a short kiss on the teen's lips and tugged him to start walking.

*****

Lying contently in Renji's arms, Ichigo nuzzled his chest, taking in the masculine scent he liked so much. "Renji?"

"Hmm," the deep voice rumbled pleasantly from deep within.

"What did you mean when you said you had your share of homophobes?"

The big redhead chuckled. "Let's just say that I forgot myself a few times while being out."

"Was it bad?"

"Nah... Sticks and stones, baby."

Ichigo sighed. Renji was already going out and kissing other guys when he was just a sniveling kid. He frowned and hid his face in Renji's shoulder.

"What's the matter, Ichi?"

"Nothing, I'm being stupid."

"Come on, spit it out."

"Well... You were like... doing all this stuff while I was still in elementary school... I guess I'm just jealous..."

"Alright, but answer me this. Who's with me, in my bed right now," Renji smirked and nuzzled the boy's hair, waiting for him to look at him.

"I am," Ichigo's smile widened.

"You are," Renji squirmed in his bed until he had both his arms around Ichigo. "You've no idea how you're making me feel..."

Ichigo just hummed in response, snuggling close to that loving warmth. He never thought he'd like cuddling that much and it was a pleasant surprise. It again passed through his head that he was feeling safe and cared about while in Renji's arms. He never, ever wanted it to stop.

Chapter Text

Ichigo nervously shifted from foot to foot as he gathered courage to press the doorbell in front of Ishida's apartment.

He already had a speech prepared in his head. Two days had passed since Ishida saw him kissing their substitute teacher and Ichigo spent every minute of his free time trying to think of a good enough talk for his friend. He even browsed the Internet for advices – 'Coming out to your friends' and stuff like that, even though his friend had already seen him.

He hoped Ishida wouldn't get too freaked out or weird in any way. He knew him good enough to know that their friendship was safe, but he still had no idea how the other teen would act around him until he gets used to the situation.

The blond took a deep breath and pressed the doorbell. Ishida answered the door almost immediately. He'd been expecting him, after all.

"Hi," Ishida gave a friendly smile, stepping aside and inviting Ichigo inside.

"Hi," Ichigo managed out and came in insecurely, his legs nearly giving out – he was that nervous. And even worse, he'd forgotten everything that he had prepared to say to his friend.

"You should sit down, Kurosaki," the raven teen eyed his nervous posture. "I know why you're here, so why are you spooked like that?"

Ichigo laughed a bit too loud. "I've no idea... But thanks, I'll sit... Where?"

"The kitchen," Uryuu led the way. "I'm making us tea."

"Okay..."

"So," Uryuu smirked, "Wanna tell me about it?"

Ichigo slumped down on a chair and rested his elbows on the kitchen table, meeting Ishida's eyes. There was no teasing there, only curiosity and a kind of caring.

"I don't know where to start."

"From the beginning would be nice," Ishida smiled, leaning back against a kitchen counter next to the stove. The water still hadn't started boiling. 

"Okay... Well... I had no idea before... you know. Before Renji came to substitute..." He glanced up at the sly smirk Ishida was giving and immediately altered his sentence. "Before Abarai-sensei came to substitute, you know how I was... And then when he found out what happened to me, he kept making me talk in classes and, well, I was kinda shocked..."

"I know," Ishida said casually, turning the stove off and adding tea leaves into the pot. "We were all shocked when you actually talked out loud in front of the whole class. I wanted to ask you about it, really. How did he manage to get through to you?"

"He treated me like he would any other kid. There was no pity, no tiptoeing."

"Huh. And then?"

"We began to hang out at the gym, and I went jogging with him. It was cool. I had fun. And he's a fun guy. It brought us kinda closer and it was then that I began to notice... Stuff..."

"Stuff?" Ishida asked curiously.

"I was really happy when I knew I'm meeting up with him. And the first time I was in his apartment, after the fight with Oshina, you remember?" When Uryuu nodded, Ichigo went on. He told Ishida about the mysterious 'B' and the photo album, about Rukia and Miss Saiko and about how he realized he was being jealous. Ichigo asked Ishida to keep silent about Renji's past because he knew the man was still sensitive about Miss Saiko.

With warm cups of tea in their hands, the two friends talked about every little thing that happened and Ichigo found himself relieved, talking to Ishida. The raven was curious and full of questions and it felt really great to be able to share things with him.

*****

"... And that's when... He kissed me," Ichigo murmured, blushing a bit. That memory still made him feel tingly warmth inside his belly.

"You're really smitten, huh?" Ishida smiled. 

The blond chuckled. "Yeah," he said in a soft voice, his expression turning into somewhat dreamy. He couldn't wait to meet up with Renji later and tell him how good it went with Ishida. And he could hardly wait to spend the evening in those strong and warm arms, as well.   

Ishida watched him silently before leaning closer over the table. "Can I ask you... something?"

"Sure," Ichigo blinked.

"Did you...?" The raven teen asked, his light cheeks turning slightly pink. 

"Did I what?"

"You know... Do it?"

"Ah, no," now it was Ichigo's turn to blush.

"I don't believe you," Ishida snorted.

"Well we... did stuff... but not that."

"Yeah, that would probably be too soon," Ishida murmured.

"I guess," Ichigo shrugged, not really having an opinion, and silence filled Ishida's kitchen.

Ichigo observed his friend, unconsciously still trying to find some kind of distaste in his posture, but finding none, he began to finally relax. Still, it was awkward and uncomfortable to talk about sex with someone like Ishida. To talk about male-male sex was even more awkward.

"Okay, new topic," he announced with a hopeful smile and the other teen got the hint. He refilled their cups with tea and began an aimless chat about nothing and everything. Ichigo was grateful for a friend like Ishida.

*****

Later that evening, Ichigo happily ran up the stairs through Renji's apartment building. He felt too energetic to wait for the elevator so he ran, and barely noticed so. It felt great to have good friends and to be able to share personal thoughts with them. He finally felt like a normal teenager, or at least what he always thought how a normal teenager should feel, aside from being in a relationship with his teacher.

He grinned.

*****

As Renji opened his front door, two long, wiry arms flew around his neck, followed by a blur of crazy orange hair, pearl-white smile and warm, brandy eyes. He couldn't but chuckle as he accepted the happy burden in his arms and kissed those smiling lips. Ichigo was so enthusiastic that they stumbled back together until reaching the middle of the room and falling onto the sofa.

"I see, the talk with Ishida went well," Renji laughed as Ichigo got off of him and settled down on the sofa cushion next to him.

"Yeah, he's great! I always thought he was too uptight, but I guess I was wrong," the teen smiled.

"Well, I'm glad," Renji ruffled the messy hair. "You deserve to be happy."

"I am. I really am," Ichigo became a bit more serious in his honesty as he leaned closer and bumped his forehead gently against Renji's temple. "I have you now."

"Come here babe," the redhead murmured, pressing the boy against himself. "You've made me very happy, too... I better thank you," he smirked, fingers lightly tickling Ichigo's side.

"I might like that," the boy already shivered from the loving touch. He welcomed Renji's smooth lips against his own and the warm tongue that gently slid inside his mouth, sending a surge of excitement through his body. He melted into the redhead's hold, letting out a small, needy sound from the back of his throat.

Renji purred and resumed kissing downward, leaving the teen's mouth with a wet sound that almost made Ichigo whine out loud. Warm hands found their way under Ichigo's shirt, sliding across his ribs down to his lower back, keeping him close.

Slowly, Renji pulled the shirt off of him and caressed the smooth peach skin, his fingers reaching and touching every ridge and curve of the boy's torso.

Then he gave Ichigo one last kiss before sliding down from sofa to kneel on the floor between his legs, massaging his jeans-clad thighs, giving him such an intense, heated look that the teen began to shiver with excitement. Renji's fingers started undoing the buttons of his fly and Ichigo bit his lower lip in expectation.

"W-what are you doing?" He asked wriggling his hips nonetheless, as the redhead tugged the jeans down his legs.

"You'll see," Renji smirked, gently nibbling and kissing up the boy's left thigh.

Ichigo stared at his sensei, feeling the nervous quivers in his belly as Renji's lips slid closer and closer to his underwear-trapped erection. The redhead had his eyes half-lidded, a flush of excitement adorning his cheeks as he pressed his mouth over Ichigo's package, gently nipping at the hard flesh.

His face burning, Ichigo let out a shivery moan as his length twitched. He watched the wet spot on the dark cotton of his boxers slowly growing, feeling the pre-essence oozing out in slow droplets. 

"Renji," he mewled as the man kept nuzzling him through his underwear, and judging by a tiny smirk, obviously enjoying doing that to him.

Renji stretched out more, dipping his tongue into Ichigo's bellybutton, while tugging his boxers down. As the boxers went lower, so did his tongue, until he tasted the boy for the first time.

Ichigo was nearly hyperventilating, watching the tip of his erection disappearing in Renji's mouth. That slick, wicked tongue kept caressing him in slow circles while Renji was still busy with his boxers. With a haze in his mind, he couldn't comprehend why Renji wanted his underwear completely off, until the redhead pushed his knees apart, completely exposing him to his view.

"Uhnn, sensei!"

Renji paused his activities only to give him a wolfish grin and push his legs up. "Slide lower."

The teen stared at him for a second before scooting down a few inches. Renji pulled him even lower, so that his behind nearly fell off the sofa. "H-hey..."

"'S okay," the redhead purred and took him back into his mouth.  He kept changing between sucking and tonguing him, every now and then releasing him and just kissing and licking all the length.

Ichigo whined, rocking his hips as Renji kept up the sweet, sweet torture. He was rapidly getting close, his abs burning and arms shaking from the tension as he tried to hold his body propped up. He wanted to see everything, still barely believing this was happening to him.

But then Renji stopped and moved his attentions lower, pushing the teen's legs closer to his body, causing him to lie back against the sofa completely exposed. Ichigo's cheeks burned with embarrassment at what Renji did next.

The warm, wet tongue slid over Ichigo's tight sac, going even lower, teasing his perineum and then... Oh.

"Renji!" He couldn't recognize his own voice. It was a high-pitched yelp, half shocked and absolutely mortified with the 'dirty' action, and half amazed just how sinfully good it felt.

Renji only grunted, continuing the pleasurable assault. Sliding one arm under and around Ichigo's thigh, he reached out and stroked his erection in slow and even rhythm while softly tonguing the pink ring of muscle. 

"Hnn... Hah..." The teen's eyes rolled back at the sensations. The embarrassment was soon replaced with burning lust as Renji stiffened his tongue and circled around his entrance, picking up the pace with his pumping hand.

Ichigo's toes curled, heat spreading through his body. He felt his heart beating all the way up in his throat while white invaded his vision. He was so close. That's when Renji surprised him again. The slick, stiff tongue pushed its way inside of him and Ichigo sobbed in pleasure, shuddering as the first pulses of orgasm rushed through his body.

"Re... Aaah, Renji... Renji!" He repeated the other's name as a mantra, spilling his essence over his heaving chest.

The redhead's breath quickened to the point of panting, but he didn't stop until Ichigo rode it all out and relaxed back against the sofa, still mewling softly. 

Renji gave one more soothing lick against the impossibly tight, still virgin entrance, smirking at the way Ichigo jumped at the touch. He lifted his gaze and was presented with such a lovely disheveled view that he simply had to tease.

"How was that," he asked, kissing a hip.

"You even have to ask?" Ichigo murmured, too blissed out to talk properly. Pleasant warmth was slowly circulating through his body, making him feel lightheaded and a bit sleepy.

"Staying with me tonight?" Renji asked, slowly caressing his sides.

"I can't," the teen sighed. "But," he smiled, "that doesn't mean I can't stay a little while longer to... Return the favor," he murmured a bit nervously.

"I don't want you to do that if you're feeling uncomfortable," the redhead gave a reassuring smile and crawled back up onto the sofa, next to the naked boy, pulling him close.

"Well, I..." Ichigo blushed. He was curious, but his shyness was still stronger than that. He would have done it if Renji insisted, but he was grateful that he didn't.

"It's okay," Renji nuzzled behind Ichigo's ear.

"Well then," the teen sounded relieved, "I can do this..." He rested his hand on top of the throbbing arousal in Renji's jeans.

"All yours, babe," the redhead purred, relaxing back into the cushions as Ichigo popped the first button of his fly.

*****

Later that evening, Ichigo was sitting in his room, staring at the screen of his computer, but not really paying attention what was there. He kept thinking of what happened earlier, a small smile on his lips.

His cellphone vibrated on his desk and his smile widened after reading the message.

'Can't stop thinking of what I did to you,' it said.

Ichigo spent the remainder of his evening with a prominent tent in his sweatpants, typing messages to his sensei.

Chapter Text

"Hey, Ichigo," Isshin called out as his son came into the living room. "Sit down and talk to your dad."

The teen eyed him for a moment but then shrugged and joined him on the sofa.

"What's up?"

Isshin grinned and ruffled Ichigo's hair. "I noticed you've been acting strangely cheerful for some time now. I'm happy for you."

"Yeah..." The boy gave a light smile.

"So... Who is it?"

"Huh?"

"You're in love," Isshin chuckled. "I'm not that old, I still can recognize love, yanno? So, who is it?"

Ichigo blushed a lovely shade of pink. "Erm... No one you'd know..."

"Is it the same girl we were talking about when you asked me how I knew I was in love with your mom?"

For a moment, Ichigo looked like a fish out of the water, opening and closing his mouth a few times, unable to speak coherently. "Uh..."

"So it is," the older man exclaimed happily. "What's her name?"

"It...It... ah..."

"Alright, alright, you're still shy about it, I understand," Isshin smiled and patted his son's shoulder. "But... Do I need to go over 'the talk' once more, or do you remember everything important? Protection..."

"Dad!!!" Ichigo interrupted, now red as a tomato. "Could you please not talk about that?!"

"It's only natural to want sex at your age..."

"Shut. Up." The teen gritted his teeth and hid his face in his hands.

"Oooh, and you've got a hickey ... right there," Isshin teased, lightly poking the side of Ichigo's neck.

"Wh-whatever!" Ichigo sputtered and briskly stood up.

"Where are you going? Dinner's almost ready," the older man smirked.

"Not hungry right now, gotta study," the teen mumbled, yanking on his collar in attempt to hide that blasted hickey. He'd completely forgotten about it and now... 'Ugh, leave it to dad to notice everything and make a show out of it...'

"That's my boy, taking his academic responsibilities even though his heart's on fire," Isshin praised, with full intent of teasing his son. Still, they both knew it was their way of bonding and that Isshin was truly glad that Ichigo had finally started to resemble an average teen with not too much worries on his mind.

*****

As he climbed upstairs, Ichigo made a tour towards the bathroom and checked his reflection in the mirror. There it was – a dark red mark on the side of his neck, just under his jaw. He snorted and shook his head as a shiver ran through his body the moment he remembered the most recent heated exchange between him and Renji.

However, tonight was reserved for studying, since he had a test the next day – a literature test at that. Renji had already made it clear that there was no way in hell that he was going to go easy on Ichigo just because of their... status.   

The teen sighed, figuring it was kinda fair and okay, even though he'd be very grateful at least knowing the questions in advance. But Renji had insisted he learned all the required lessons and refused to reveal a single question that was going to be on the test.

Not even fifteen minutes into his studying, Ichigo's cell phone started buzzing with an incoming call. He smirked and answered it.

"Hey sensei," he greeted teasingly.

"Kurosaki-kun," Renji accepted the little game, "are you being a good little student?"

"Yeah... One lesson left... Ne, Renji?"

"Hm?"

"Do I need to learn lesson 12?"

Ichigo heard a low chuckle from the redhead. "We went through this Ichigo, you gotta learn everything, like all the other students."

"Well, had to try one more time," the teen shrugged and sighed. "So why are you bugging me when I should be studying," he gave a light smile, knowing that Renji would feel it being there.

"Wanted to hear your voice," Renji purred.

"Right," Ichigo snorted and barely managed to stop himself from giggling. "You're so corny..."

"You didn't mind it yesterday," the redhead husked into the phone.

Ichigo nearly whined. Renji's voice... It did funny things to him. "Uhm, by the way, your mark on my neck has officially been noticed."

"Oops," Renji chuckled, "Well, I guess I should be more careful... Just kissing and licking from now on, I promise," he said, the low purr never leaving his voice.

Ichigo's breath got caught in his throat.

"Hmm," Renji continued, "remember what I did to you... That time on the sofa?"

"Y-yeah," the boy breathed into the cell phone. "Renji..."

"You were... so sexy. I couldn't resist you. Damn, Ichi, I wish you were here now. I'd do it all over again, right now."

Ichigo closed his eyes, shivering slightly. Renji wasn't the only one that wanted to do it all over again. With all the tests piled up in only two weeks, Ichigo couldn't spend as much time as he wanted over at Renji's place. He had to study and they've only had a couple of heavy make-out sessions in the past week. Ichigo craved for his sensei's touch.

"Ichi," the redhead asked softly as the teen remained silent.

"I miss you," Ichigo whispered, his cheeks burning. When Renji chuckled into the phone, he blinked. "What?"

"Nothing," the older male drawled, "You're cute when embarrassed."

"I'm not cute."

"But you are embarrassed?" Renji laughed.

"A bit," the teen admitted, smiling.

"That's alright," Renji said amicably. He had a feeling that Ichigo wouldn't be up to 'sharing fantasies' over the phone, so he really wasn't disappointed. "How about you come over to my place tomorrow after school and we hang out?"

"I'd like that," Ichigo murmured, the smile never leaving his face.

"Then it's a date," Renji said with a chuckle. "Alright babe, I shouldn't bother you anymore. Be a nice student and go study for tomorrow."

"Hai, sensei."

Renji groaned. "Don't tease me like that..."

Ichigo laughed quietly, loving how that single word could work Renji up. "Okay, okay, I'll be nice. Well, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yep. Goodnight Ichi."

"Night," Ichigo said and ended the call. He absentmindedly thumbed the device, smiling to himself. He was happy and it felt... really nice. He was looking forward to spending the afternoon and evening over at Renji's and... Cuddling with him and kissing and... Everything. He sighed, feeling the heat pooling in his nether regions. This was ridiculous – just thinking about Renji made him feel like that. And how on Earth he could study with all those things on his mind?

"Damn you," he muttered, not really upset that his mind was full of Renji. He gave one more sigh and turned the page of his textbook, revealing the beginning of Lesson 12. It was going to be a long evening.

Chapter Text

With the spring break over, Ichigo and his classmates were now seniors of Karakura high school. Miss Ochi had reported that she would be away for an indefinite period, so Abarai-sensei was still there as her substitute.

Ichigo was thrilled.

One morning before school, Ichigo was sitting in the school yard with Ishida, Chad and Keigo, just chatting and waiting for the bell to ring. The blond teen noticed the familiar figure coming through the school gate and approaching them.

"Hey guys," Renji greeted with a broad smile.

"Good morning Sensei," Ichigo responded, trying to act casual and not too happy to see him – which he completely failed and earned a warning look from Ishida.

Good thing that Chad usually kept things to himself and Keigo was... Well, Keigo was just Keigo and too whacky to notice anything strange. Giving a wink, Renji kept walking towards the school's entrance where he met up with Unohana-san. Ichigo shortly wondered about it because the woman looked straight at him before turning and entering the school building.

*****

"Abarai-kun, if you don't mind stopping by my office?"

"Sure," Renji scratched the back of his head, following Unohana inside the room. "What's up, Unohana-san?"

"I've noticed that Kurosaki-kun is progressing. He's really opened up to you."

"Yeah," Renji smirked, "He's great."

"I know he is, Abarai-kun, he is such a sweet boy, but..."

"But?"

"I couldn't help but notice how he acts around you and how he talks about you during our sessions. Please don't feel offended in any way but I believe the boy is crushing on you. So, I just wanted to warn you to keep some distance, don't encourage him to like you even more than he already does."

She paused, seeing the strange look on Renji's face. "Oh, I'm sorry. I just want what's best for him. And I guess it's only puppy love. You came into his life and turned it around... It happens sometimes... Teenagers can confuse admiration and love..."

"No, no, it's ah... It's okay..." Renji gave a strange smirk. "I'm not offended."

"Haven't you noticed?" She seemed curious.

"Well, no, I haven't..."

"Hm. Oh well. I won't be taking more of your time, Abarai-kun. I just wanted to tell you this," she smiled gently.

"Okay, uh, thanks?" Renji smirked back at her. "I'll be going now," he bowed a little and left her office.

Great. The last thing he wanted was for Ichigo to be lectured for crushing on his teacher. Renji knew he wouldn't really be lectured, but Unohana-san could mention it in conversation and make the kid uncomfortable. Renji had never really kept his preferences secret, but this time it was necessary. It could turn out really... Bad. He shuddered, deciding not to think about it. Surely, he had more luck than to have this bite him in the ass in the end.

*****

Renji kept thinking about what Unohana-san had said throughout the day and deep into the evening, even though Ichigo was at his apartment, sitting next to him on the sofa and looking at him expectantly.

"Renji, what's wrong," the boy finally asked, nuzzling a scruffy sideburn. He was craving for attention but Renji seemed so distant tonight.

Renji sighed. "I, uh... I had a conversation with Unohana-san. It was about you."

"About me? What did she say?"

"She knows that you're crushing on me."

"What??"

"Calm down," Renji threw an arm around Ichigo's shoulders. "She thinks it's one-sided. Cause I'm there for you and all... That you... That you think you like me that way and so on."

Ichigo kept silent.

Renji turned to look him in the eye. "Ichigo, you... You do want this, right? Am I taking advantage of you?"

The boy shook his head, avoiding the eye contact.

"Words, Ichi. I need words from you, not a nod."

"I..." Ichigo's voice broke and he swallowed before continuing. "I can't even describe how much I want this. Why does everyone think that I don't know what I feel? That sucks!"

Renji stared at him wordlessly.

"You've no idea how much I... Like you," the boy blushed. "I'm here because I want to be, I let you hold me and kiss me because I want you to hold me and kiss me. I'm not confused!"

"I believe you," Renji whispered, smiling softly.

"You better," Ichigo said with a frown. "It's not like I'm some lost puppy and you're the first person to pay attention to me."

"I know. I just wanted you to say it out loud," Renji cupped the young face with both hands and kissed those pouty lips. "So..."

"So...?" Ichigo's cheeks got flushed almost immediately at the contact.

"So now, I'd like to take advantage of my student..."

Ichigo gave a breathless chuckle, wrapping his arms around Renji's neck and pulling the man on top of him. "If I let you do that, will I get an A on my next essay?"

"Mmm, yeah..."

Ichigo perked up. "Wait, for real?"

"Nope," Renji laughed, nuzzling the smooth skin under Ichigo's ear. "Now shush, I've got work to do," he murmured, sliding a hand up Ichigo's shirt. Pressing his lips to the boy's neck, he sucked until he heard a needy grunt and felt Ichigo writhe under him.

In one quick yank, Ichigo's shirt ended up on the floor and Renji did his best to do the same with his jeans and undies, leaving the boy naked in front of him.

"Oh damn, just... Perfect..." Renji sighed, reminding Ichigo of a hungry wolf. He quickly yanked off his own clothes and covered Ichigo's body with his, hissing at the warmth of the naked skin. He kissed the boy, roaming his hands everywhere, squeezing and rubbing and finally positioning Ichigo's legs around his waist. He grinned like a predator.

"R-Renji..." The teen whispered, tightening his hold around Renji. "I... I fantasized about this..."

"Yeah?"

"I want it."

"Don't tempt me, Ichigo..."

"What, people do it all the time!"

"Yeah, but--"

Ichigo squirmed under him until he was propped up on his elbows, scowling at Renji. "But you still think I'm not sure, is that it?"

"No... It's the one last thing before you're completely mine..."

"So what, you're not sure you want me?" Ichigo was rapidly losing his temper.

Renji then decided to scowl back at the teen. "Of course I'm sure, I'm not an immature kid..." Realizing what he'd said, Renji shut his mouth with a loud click. If Ichigo's glare could grow darker, it just did. "Ichigo, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"No, you're right."

"What?"

"Of course you're questioning me. I'm not really reliable, with all my problems and stuff. Right?"

Renji groaned, sitting back on the sofa, rubbing at his forehead. "Why do you take offend at everything I say?"

"Because I'm an insecure, immature kid!" Ichigo yelled before Renji silenced him with a kiss. "Ren... mhhh..."

"Shut up." Renji murmured, hauling Ichigo up on his feet and dragging him towards the bedroom. Reaching his bed, Renji pushed the boy on it and settled on top of him, holding him down while reaching to his nightstand with his free hand.

Renji had bought a bottle of lube, knowing that they'd come to this point in their relationship, only he wasn't expecting it so... soon.

"Ren..." Ichigo twisted and writhed, trying to wrap himself around Renji.

"Shush," Renji smirked and squeezed some of the viscous fluid in his hand and took hold of Ichigo's raging arousal, making him groan out loud.

"Calm down babe," Renji purred, sliding his hand slowly up and down the shaft before moving further down, slick fingertips teasing the virgin entrance. "You're really sure about this?"

Ichigo smiled and nodded. "I'm sure."

Renji leaned in for a long kiss, slowly pressing a finger inside Ichigo's warmth. The boy went stiff for a short moment, but then melted into the mattress, relaxing his muscles the best he could.

"Okay?" Renji murmured against his lips.

"Y-yeah..."

Just as Renji kissed Ichigo again, the doorbell rang.

"Expecting someone," the teen smirked even though he'd tensed up immediately.   

"Nah. Whoever it is, they'll go away," Renji shook his head, now nibbling at Ichigo's neck and shoulder, moving his finger deeper inside. "Relax Ichi..."

"Trying to..." Ichigo grunted as the doorbell rang again. There was no way he could relax now. He was starting to feel nervous and slightly cranky, wondering if Renji was right. Maybe it was too soon after all. "Renji...?"

"Hm?"

"Um, I..."

"Got it," Renji kissed the boy again, slowly removing his finger. "You okay?"

"I'm sorry..."

"'s okay Ichi. I know you're still pissed and cranky... We'll get back to this some other time and," he smirked, "I'll do my best to make it special..."

Now there was knocking on Renji's apartment door.

"Wow, someone's tireless..." Renji rolled his eyes.

"See who it is, or they'll stay here all night."

"Ya think?" Renji laughed and embraced the boy. "I'll be right back. I still wanna get you off," he winked and walked out to the living room, gathering and putting on his clothes before he'd answer the door.

"Jeez, keep your pants on, will ya? I'm comin'..." He yelled over the repeated knocking.

"So, what's the emergen...cy..." Renji yanked the door open and stared in surprise.

"Hello Renji."

"Byakuya..."

Chapter Text

"What the hell are you doing here?" Renji demanded with a frown.

"I'm glad to see you too. How are you, Renji?"

"I'm great but no thanks to you, that's for sure."

Byakuya sighed, leaning against the door frame. "Aren't you going to invite me inside?"

"I'm busy."

"Renji..."

The look on Renji's face somewhat softened, almost as a conditioned reaction to Byakuya's soothing voice. "Look, I can't talk to ya now. I've got company."

"Oh? So you've really moved on. I thought Rukia was over exaggerating."

"Why would she?"

"A man can hope, right?" Byakuya smirked. "I miss you, Renji."

Renji made a face, feeling the familiar burn behind his eyes. "Don't say those things. I've ended this more than a year ago."

"You still care about me."

Renji decided not to comment on that. He sighed and gave Byakuya a long look. "You're back or just visiting?"

"I haven't decided yet. It depends."

"Depends on what," Renji asked even though he already knew the answer.

"On you. I've realized that I really don't want to be without you. So if that's what takes to be with you, I'll move back here."

"Then you can book a flight for Paris first thing tomorrow morning."

"Don't be like that..."

"Why not? You've never considered my feelings or anything, and even now, you're still doing it! You don't care that I'm happy with someone else. You just want me for yourself."

"We were together for years, this certainly isn't..."

"Well, you don't know that! As far as I'm concerned, it might be for life!" Renji shouted, actually surprised that he really did mean that. To stay with Ichigo forever – or at least that much of 'forever' that an average human life provided.

"Who is he?" Byakuya tilted his head to the side.

"You don't know him."

"I'd like to get to know him, if you will allow."

"I don't know yet. Depends."

Byakuya smirked at the way Renji played his game. "On what?"

"You and I, we can be friends but nothing more. You can go or you can stay, I don't care, but I'm done with you in any romantic way there is. I don't want him to meet you like this."

"Why are you so protective?"

"I'm not. I'm just being nice and considerate."

Byakuya opened his mouth to retort, but then looked over Renji's shoulder. "Oh, hello there."

Renji turned in a second and saw Ichigo at the end of the small corridor that connected the bedroom and living area. He was wearing Renji's sweatpants and t-shirt and just stood there awkwardly, staring at Byakuya.

"Hi," Ichigo croaked.

Renji wanted to scream. He took a step to the side so Ichigo wouldn't think he was hiding something.

"What's your name?" Byakuya asked calmly.

"Kurosaki Ichigo."

"Kuchiki Byakuya. Pleased to meet you," Byakuya said, not moving from his place in the doorway.

"You're Rukia's brother?"

"Yes I am..."

"And he was just leaving," Renji added, throwing a look at Byakuya.

"Of course. I just dropped by to say 'hello' to a really, really good old friend..." Byakuya's look was positively smoldering as he purred out the last words. "I'll call you," he added and left.

Renji barely kept himself from slamming the door violently.

"Renji?"

"Yeah."

"It was... him, right?" Ichigo walked over to the sofa and flopped down. "The one who signed those books and asked you to go to Paris?"

"How do you know about that?" Renji asked in wonder, sitting next to the teen, taking hold of his hand.

"I saw the dedication in that book of greatest love poems. Remember, that I've borrowed?"

"Yeah, I remember. So, I have some explaining to do now, huh?"

"If you don't wanna..." Ichigo shrugged.

"No, I want to. I don't wanna hide anything from you."

"Um so... Do I need to be worried?"

The kid was so nervous. He was looking at Renji, but he was tense and knowing or not, he kept chewing on his bottom lip. Renji immediately pulled him into an embrace.

"No baby. You'll never have to be worried. Ya hear me? Never." There was a nod against Renji's neck. He sighed. "So, what else do you wanna know?"

Ichigo slid out from Renji's hold and leaned against him, staring at the muted TV. "Tell me your story. How you've met, what happened... That stuff."

Renji thought about it for a minute, just petting the crazy strawberry blond head that was resting on his shoulder.

*****

He'd met Kuchiki Byakuya when he was twelve. Byakuya was fifteen and the Kuchiki family had just adopted Rukia. When they came for her to Miss Saiko's house, Renji only remembered seeing perfection out of this world, incarnated in ivory skin and raven black hair that was falling freely around the boy's shoulders.

It didn't bother him much that it was a boy, just like him.

The child's fascination was forgotten for the next several years. Rukia would come to visit occasionally, but always without her new older brother.

When he was eighteen, he was invited to spend the summer with Rukia and her family. Of course, he then met Byakuya again and that was it for him. After several days of feeling lovesick, he decided to confess his new feelings to Rukia.

It felt amazing to find out that the other had his eye on him as well. One thing led to another and Renji had spent the remainder of the summer with Byakuya in his arms.

He was in love with him, he loved him, he burned with emotions for Rukia's older brother. He believed that Byakuya had loved him as well, only in a lot more toned-down way. It was more like he'd let Renji hold him and do everything he wanted. It sometimes looked more like patience than love but Renji never doubted the relationship he had with the noble heir.

They had been together until the Kuchiki family decided to move to France – for how long, nobody could tell.

When Byakuya asked him to come and live with him in Paris, he'd almost screamed 'yes' but stopped himself, realizing something. He'd follow this man to the other side of the World just like that, without questions?

The more Byakuya explained further, the more Renji didn't want to go. He realized that he would be nobody there. He didn't speak the language, so he wouldn't be able to teach. He would just be there and would do nothing until Byakuya returned home after a work day.

And when he asked why Byakuya wouldn't stay in Japan, he answered that it wasn't part of the plan. He had finished college and was ready to take over the business, so he was needed in Paris.

Byakuya thought that Renji would have liked the life he was offering him. He wouldn't need to do anything, just be there with him. As strange as it may have sounded, Renji was offended. Byakuya had asked him to give up on his dreams and plans, give up on his whole life and just come to live at his family's expense in France. Some would accept it in a blink of an eye, but Renji was too proud.

What hurt the most was that Byakuya didn't seem to care about all that. He was actually surprised when Renji turned him down.

'I thought you knew me,' were the last words that Renji told him before he'd left for France. 

*****

"And that was eight months before I met you," Renji ended the story.

"So he was your first? Like you're mine?"

"He wasn't my first kiss, but all other stuff, yeah."

"Who was your first kiss?"

Renji laughed out loud to that. "My good friend, Shuuhei. We were fifteen and curious."

"You never mentioned him."

"Yeah well... We kinda stopped speaking to each other some years ago..."

"Too bad. I can't even imagine being like that with Chad or Ishida. What was the fight about?"

"About Byakuya and him not being good for me. Hah, I guess Shuu was really right. I kinda didn't want to hear it at the time. Man, was I dumb."

"You should call him. He meant it as a friend."

"I should... I will."

"Renji?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Thank you for telling me all that," Ichigo snuggled close.

"Thank you for listening," Renji chuckled and held the boy close. "By the way, I love how my clothes look on you... but..."

"But?"

"But they need to come off now..."

Chapter Text

Several days had passed since Ichigo had met Byakuya, and he nearly forgot about it all. He felt safe and he trusted Renji. What happened in the past should stay in the past, he believed. Ichigo also encouraged his sensei to get back in touch with his childhood friend, Shuuhei. They've talked a few times over the phone and gotten together once, but Ichigo hadn't joined them, believing it was for the best that they had the time to talk to each other alone.

*****

The following Saturday, after finishing homework and helping his dad with trimming the hedge, Ichigo had taken a hurried shower and quickly pulled on the first jeans and T-shirt he found in his closet. He couldn't wait to meet up with Renji.

Ichigo was supposed to come over, but he hadn't texted his sensei the whole day. He figured nothing had changed in their plans and gazed into the hallway mirror one last time.

"Lookin' good," he grinned at his reflection and yelled a goodbye to his dad.

As Ichigo left the house and began walking down the street, crossing three blocks, he was pulled aside by a very firm hand. He swiftly turned around and saw a raven-haired man with pale, flawless face and slate grey eyes.

Ichigo gaped. "You're..."

"That's right, you remember," the cold voice answered. "Now, listen to me very carefully, boy. I want you out of the picture."

"W-what?"

"Renji belongs with me. He's pretty stubborn but I know that eventually, he will come to his senses. Now, to make that faster, I will kindly ask you to step aside."

"You can't ask me that! I... I care about him." Ichigo felt weird saying it to the man, but it was true.

"Oh, that is such a nice thing to say, but you see, you're in my way. If you do care about him, like you say, you will break it off. Today."

"No way," the teen barked angrily and yanked his arm free from Byakuya's hold. "There's no way I'm doing that! Are you crazy? You can't just show up and expect him to take you back! He's with me now!"

"You didn't let me finish," Byakuya murmured, his eyes growing hard on Ichigo. "You will break it. Otherwise, someone might call your father and your school..."

Ichigo's eyes widened in horror as Byakuya continued.

"And someone might mention that everyone's favorite teacher is having an inappropriate relationship with a student. Now, you don't want Renji to end up in prison for seducing a teenage boy, do you?"

"You..." Ichigo's voice trembled with rage. "You can't do that..."

"Oh, I can. And I will."

"You don't care about him at all," the boy gritted his teeth. If there weren't for the huge bodyguard waiting by the car, he might have considered attacking the rich bastard.

"I do care. And I know that you do as well, and that you won't allow it to happen. Right?" The thin lips stretched into a barely visible smirk. Ichigo's resolve was fading.

"I..." Ichigo was barely holding in the sudden tears that threatened to burst. He felt weak. "I'll tell him what you did."

The raven haired man let out a chuckle. "Didn't you hear what I will do in case you don't leave him today?"

Ichigo sensed he might start feeling sick. This was too much. He stared at Byakuya who was just standing there, observing him calmly. He tried to breathe but all he managed were short, shallow gulps. He was familiar with this feeling – the verge of a breakdown.

He couldn't leave Renji... He couldn't hurt the man who was so kind and loving... But he couldn't be the reason for Renji to be sentenced, either... Ichigo would never want it to happen... And he saw that Byakuya meant every word he'd said.

He'll have to do it, for Renji's good.

"And be sure to break it off properly because I'll know," Byakuya added as an afterthought. He looked so emotionless that it was infuriating. "I can find out anything. Today, boy. The sooner the better."

Feeling like his head was full of cotton, Ichigo quickly turned on his heel and hurried down the street back to his house.

Ignoring his sisters' worried looks, he stormed up to his room and locked the door before leaning against it and sliding down to the floor. There, he didn't need to hold back. Hot tears blurred his vision, creating streams down his cheeks. Of course something like this would happen. It was too good to last.

He understood that Byakuya was serious and the mere thought of Renji being prosecuted made him nauseated. He gritted his teeth. At least... At least he could prevent it. He wished he could tell his reasons to the man he adored, but again, Byakuya had set out the rules. 

Ichigo sat there on the floor for good twenty minutes, just staring at the wall.

Finally, with a shaky hand, he reached into his pocket and fished out his cellphone. He stared at the picture he had as a background on the little screen: Renji grinning lazily and reaching out to snag his phone. Ichigo wanted to scream.

He felt his throat tightening as he dialed Renji's number. He closed his eyes, waiting for the other man to pick up.

"Hey Ichi," Renji answered happily, "Aren't you on your way here?"

"No," the teen sounded hollow. "I won't be coming over today..."

"What's the matter?"

"I don't..." Ichigo took a deep breath, sniffling a bit. "It's over."

"What's over?" He could hear the puzzlement in Renji's voice.

"Us. It's... I can't be with you anymore..." His whole stomach was quivering but this was for the best, for Renji's sake.

"What, why? Did I make you angry or something? Come on Ichigo, you're just pullin' my leg, aren't ya?"

"N-no... I mean it... This... It was a mistake... This is not what I want anymore..." He cried into the phone.

"Ichigo," the redhead's tone grew serious. "We should talk about this in person."

"No. I don't want to see you now," Ichigo lied. "I won't give you trouble at class... I promise..." His breath hitched as new tears rolled down his cheeks. "I'm sorry... Goodbye, Abarai-sensei," he whispered into the cellphone and ended the call.

Ichigo felt his heart breaking as the phone almost immediately started vibrating with an incoming call from Renji. He declined it and turned the device off. Pulling his legs to himself, he hugged his knees and cried, letting the heavy sobs shake his whole body.

*****

Renji was staring at the cellphone in his hand.

Ichigo just called him 'Abarai-sensei'. Ever since the first night they ended up together, Ichigo had called him by his first name. This was like a punch in the stomach.

Ichigo just broke up with him.

He tried to call him, to get at least an explanation, but the boy had turned the cellphone off. Renji never felt so miserable in his life.

After several moments, his phone rang and he answered it without even checking.

"Ichigo..."

"It's me," Rukia chuckled, "Don't you look when you're answering?"

"Sorry," the redhead murmured.

"Alright, what's wrong?"

"I... I'm not sure..."

"You sound weird. What's up, Renji?"

"... Ichigo just dumped me..."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean exactly that."

"What, why?!"

"I have no idea!" Renji yelled, throwing his free arm up in the air. "I haven't heard from him the whole day and now, he calls me and says it was a mistake and that he doesn't want me anymore."

"Wow. Well... Was he pissed?"

"Not exactly," Renji rubbed the bridge of his nose. "He was kinda stressed out."

"Maybe you should just leave him alone today, and you can see each other tomorrow or something... Maybe someone found out you two were involved and now he doesn't want to be bugged about being gay? Or maybe..."

"Stop that, Rukia," Renji grunted. He really didn't want to believe Ichigo would be like that. But it was a possibility. And it hurt to think that might be the reason.

"I'm sorry... Do you want me to come by?"

"Sorry babe, I just wanna be alone."

That's what he was. Alone. That broody, sweet young man won't be coming over. Renji won't hold him in his arms or kiss him.

Saying a barely audible goodbye, Renji leaned back into the sofa and stared at his hands. Was it really happening? He set the sound on his cellphone to loudest possible, so he wouldn't miss if Ichigo happened to call him. Was it too much to hope for?

Chapter Text

After refusing to come down for dinner, or even having something to eat in his room, Ichigo kept sitting miserably on his bed, twirling an over-used paper tissue in his hands. He stared at the small crumpled up ball and then began to unfold it, the soft material all soggy from his tears. He wouldn't have done it with a tissue he'd blown his nose into because that would be just disgusting. But this, this was okay. It was the most he could do at the moment, as his mind was blank.

He felt like his brain had just shut down, after getting overloaded with emotions and memories, images of his sensei, his Renji...

Ichigo kept looking at his tissue. He liked the feel of the cold dampness against his fingers. The tissue was so fragile... Only one harder push with the tip of his finger, and it tore up. He guessed his heart was like that at the moment - all soggy and torn into shreds. He snorted humorlessly.

During those several hours after he'd broken up with Renji, he'd already forgotten about the fact that the tears kept running down his cheeks. It already felt normal; the wet, sticky feeling on his face, flowing down to his jaw and tickling his neck, or getting onto his lips. He wasn't even able to taste the salt in them anymore – he got so accustomed to it.

His nose was completely clogged up and it burned from the constant wiping. His eyes burned. His head was pulsing with pain. Every time he moved his eyes, he felt it in his forehead like everything was going to explode... Or implode. He couldn't decide.

Thankfully, the sobbing had stopped and he could breathe freely at least through his mouth, because he had already been on the verge of vomiting several times. 

Taking a fresh tissue, he blew his nose and lied down on his bed, turning his back to the window; the street lights were making his headache worse. Not that this helped either, but it was at least something.

He blinked slowly, feeling like he was doped up with heavy medication. The day before, at this time, he had Renji. And now, that was gone.

The thought made him take a shivering breath, new hot tears soaking the pillow. There was nothing else he wanted more than to call Renji, run to his place and to just forget about everything. It hurt so much, knowing that there was no chance he could do it. But he had to keep Renji safe; he'd never forgive himself if the man he loved so much ended up in prison because of their relationship.

He just hoped Renji would forgive him one day.

*****

When Ichigo next opened his eyes, it was already a new day. For a moment, his mind was blessedly blank. He then realized his head was still aching and everything came back. Forcing his tears back, Ichigo sat up and squeezed his eyes shut.

He was tired and hungry and probably dehydrated from all the crying. Thank God it was still weekend, so he won't have to face anyone but his dad and sisters, and he could deal with them. His dad knew when to shut up, Karin never butted in, and Yuzu was always supportive without asking too many questions.

So, he put on his sweatpants and a t-shirt, and dragged himself downstairs where his family was already having breakfast.

"You okay son?" Isshin stared at him with a worried expression.

"Eh."

"What happened yesterday? Should I be worried? Will the police come knocking at our door?"

Ichigo had to smile at that. "No. I just... I just..." He didn't know how to say it. Not even closely. He landed on the chair next to his dad's.

"Love troubles?"

Dammit. "...Yeah."

Isshin gave a heavy sigh, while the girls just looked at each other, took their plates and scrammed upstairs.

"Let's hear it then. While you think your dad's so cool and handsome, I got rejected and hurt many times just so you know."

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "I don't think you're cool or handsome. And what should I tell you?"

"You really hurt my feelings," Isshin smirked. "Now seriously. What happened? Did she dump you? Did you catch her with someone else?"

"I... no..." Ichigo hesitated.

"Did you two have a fight? You know girls can get weird sometimes... And they say nasty things out of spite."

Ichigo kept looking at his dad, feeling something rising up within him.

"Is she the only girl you've been with?"

Something broke inside of Ichigo.

"It's not a girl, okay!" He suddenly yelled, finally making Isshin go quiet. "It's not... A girl."

"Er..." Isshin looked genuinely confused and Ichigo could imagine the wheels turning in his father's head. "So not a girl... Haha, a woman then?"

"Dad..."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm just joking... So..." Isshin scratched the back of his head.

"So..."

"Yeah..."

Ichigo squirmed uncomfortably, wondering if he should have just kept quiet. After what seemed like an eternity, Isshin cleared his throat and gave an encouraging smile.

"You know you can talk to me Ichigo."

Ichigo took a deep breath, gathering courage at the same time. "It's just... I don't have much to say. It lasted for a while and now it's over." Saying it aloud almost caused him to tear up, right there in front of his father. The grimace he made didn't pass unnoticed.

"Ichigo..." Isshin sighed. "Look. It may sound harsh but teenage relationships are sometimes like that... I know you're hurting but believe me, it'll pass and several years from now, you'll probably laugh how much you thought it was important. I guess this wasn't the right... hm, guy... for you."

"It was me who ended it."

"Why are you moping around then?"

"Cause I did it for his good. Dad, it's complicated. I really don't wanna talk about details. I just did it so he wouldn't have problems because of us. Because of me. But he doesn't know that, so now he probably thinks I'm the biggest asshole in the whole World."

"So selfless..." Isshin shook his head, looking at Ichigo in wonder. "But are you sure it's a good decision?"

"It's the only way."

"Wow," Isshin huffed. "He must have some weird parents..."

Wincing a bit as his dad clearly thought it was one of his classmates, Ichigo just shrugged.

"Do you need some time away from school and him? I can write you a doctor's note," Isshin winked.

"No, thanks. I'll manage somehow."

Ichigo mentally praised his dad for being so cool and understanding.

"Okay. If you change your mind, tell me."

"I will. Um, dad? I just... Are you disappointed in me?"

Isshin was always so loud and crazy, a manly man with soft spots for his twin daughters, always encouraging Ichigo to go do men's stuff and hunt girls... Ichigo needed to hear it directly, so he wouldn't doubt it in times of insecurity.

"Disappointed?" Isshin asked. He reached over to Ichigo, ruffled his hair and left his hand on the back of his son's neck. "Now listen to me. You're my kid. My first born son, my pride and joy. I always knew you'd turn out just fine, and knowing what kind of person you are... I'll never, ever be disappointed in you."

Ichigo stared, feeling strangely relieved.

"Okay?" Isshin patted him on the cheek.

"Yeah," the boy croaked.

"Good. Now eat your breakfast."

"Itadakimasu," Ichigo murmured and began to pick through his meal.

It still hurt. It hurt beyond belief. In a situation like this, he would run to Renji and tell him the great news... Now he was alone.

But then again, he had his dad on his side and it made things a bit better.

Chapter Text

It was a Friday night and after finishing up with school paperwork and grading exams, Renji lay back against the sofa and stared at the TV. He'd put it on mute while he was working but now it was too quiet in the apartment. A little more than a month ago, he would spend an evening like this with Ichigo in his arms.

He still wasn't over it and the teen still avoided him. He honestly had no idea why Ichigo changed his mind, and to that measure that he wouldn't even talk to him anymore. It hurt. It hurt more than it hurt him to send Byakuya to France alone, when he still cared about him. 

He really had it bad. He'd promised himself that he wouldn't cry about it and get all depressed, but that was easier said than done. He missed the little twit terribly. If he could have only talked to him, maybe to explain something that the kid had gotten wrong, straighten things up. What was the reason for Ichigo to break it off just like that, over the phone? 

Renji was feeling extremely down. They've had an exam at school that day and while observing the classroom and the potential cheaters, his eyes went to the strawberry blond-haired boy too often. And on top of that, he noticed that Ichigo was rapidly withdrawing into his old, silent self.

It hurt Renji to witness that.

While they were together, Ichigo's feelings were evident. What happened inside of his head? Maybe he'd gotten overwhelmed, too young for a relationship, or was it too early for him to accept his sexual preferences? Renji would have let him go if he'd really wanted to go because of that. He would have understood. Sort of. But he would. What bothered Renji the most was that everything was fine between him and Ichigo... And then it wasn't.

His cellphone brought him out of the morose thoughts. He didn't recognize the number, but he answered anyway.

"Hello?"

"Um, hi... Abarai-sensei? " The voice sounded familiar.

"Yeah. Who's this?"

"Ishida Uryuu. I apologize for calling you this late... " 

Renji had to concentrate to understand; the background noise was way too loud. 

"What's the matter, Ishida-kun?"

"You have to come and get him... " Ishida sounded worried and a little panicky. 

"Who..." Renji asked even though he already knew it was about Ichigo. Ishida wouldn't call him otherwise.

" It's Kurosaki! You have to come, sensei... He's out of it... "

"What do you mean?" Renji felt dread creeping into him. 

" He's totally wasted! I don't know, but it's too much, way too much... Please, sensei... I don't think he's well... "

"Where are you?"

" In a club next to the construction site, a block away from our school. "

"I'll come right away," Renji said, already getting up. There was no need to think it through. His Ichigo was in trouble. 

" Thank you, " Ishida sighed and ended the call. 

*****

As he hurried to the club, Renji's stomach was already tightening up nervously. He had no idea what he'd find there. What condition was Ichigo in? 

The music coming from the club was too loud and Renji didn't like the sight of the entrance. Too many skanky-looking girls and inebriated guys. He wondered what Ichigo and his friends were doing there in the first place. There were no bouncers or security of any kind, only drunken and otherwise affected young people. Too young, Renji mused. 

As he got in, he frowned, trying to find a familiar face. There. He saw a few familiar heads close to each other. Ishida looked extremely worried, while Inoue seemed to be seconds from starting to cry. The others were somewhere in between. Renji had to push his way through the crowd, receiving a few unfriendly grumbles, but as soon he'd made eye contact, people would close their mouths and look away. He really could look vicious when he wanted to.  

"Oi, Ishida," he yelled over the music as he approached the teen. "Where's..."

His eyes fell onto the orange haired boy that was placed into a booth, resting his arms and head over the table. Renji hurried over and gently caught his shoulders, shaking him.

"Ichigo, can you hear me? Look at me."

The boy didn't even blink, just kept his eyes half closed, his head lolling to the side as Renji straightened him up. He didn't seem receptive at all. Renji held his head between his hands, forcing him to look at him. His pupils were so dilated that the brandy color of his irises was barely visible. The redhead knew immediately that he'd been drugged. 

"Who bought you drinks?" He asked the kids, already knowing that scenario from his college days. 

"H-how did you know," Inoue asked with eyes wide with surprise. "There were some guys that bought me a drink..."

"And?" Renji was impatient. That girl could ramble on and on without exactly getting to the point. 

"I had my own drink already, so Kurosaki-kun... He... Took it..." Her lower lip began to tremble. "There was something in it, wasn't it?"

"You got lucky," Renji frowned at her. 

"Is he going to be alright?" Ishida asked, his face a bit paler than usual.

Renji sighed. "How much did he drink?"

"Five... No, six shots and that drink that Inoue-san got."

"He'd be mildly affected from six shots... It was the drug that knocked him out," Renji murmured more to himself than to Ichigo's friends. "Good thinking, calling me, Ishida," he patted the boy's shoulder.

"A-Abarai-sensei," Orihime tugged at his sleeve, making him face her. "There's one of the guys that bought me a drink," she pointed across the smoky room, towards a guy that was pointing and laughing right back at them.

Renji's vision went red.

In seconds, he was in the guy's face, grabbing his shirt and slamming him into the wall. "You think it's funny, you twisted fuck?!"

"It was a joke, dude!"

"You wanted to drug that girl, that's not a joke," Renji snarled, barely containing himself from punching the other man. 

"She's not your girl, man," the guy mocked on purpose.

Just as Renji made a fist, preparing for a fight, he heard Ishida calling in alarm. He slammed the guy into the wall once more and let him slide to the floor. "Make sure I never see your face again."

Luckily, the punk's friends were intimidated enough not to try and go after Renji as he hurried back to the booth where Ichigo was.

"What happened?"

"H-he tried to get up, but his legs are useless," Inoue was now outright crying, large tears forming in the corners of her eyes, dissolving her mascara. 

"Ichigo, stay still," Renji ordered.

"Nnn... hah..."

"What is he trying to say?" Ishida asked.

Renji took in Ichigo's features again. He didn't seem to be aware of anything or anyone. 'Maybe for the better, ' Renji thought. ' He'd probably bolt if he knew I was here. '

"I dunno, but I'm taking him with me," he said to Ichigo's friends. 

"Are you sure," Ishida asked a bit sharply and the two shared a look. He must have known, Ichigo must have told him about the break-up. 

"I'm sure, Ishida. He's safe with me and I'm taking him home tomorrow morning. I think he wouldn't want his dad or sisters to see him like this."

"True..."

"Okay, then we're off," Renji took Ichigo's arm and wrapped it around his neck, hauling the teen up effortlessly. 

Ichigo grumbled in protest, a small burp escaping his mouth.

"Shit, I gotta get him outside, now !" Renji hurried towards the club entrance.

"Wha-?" Ishida squawked.

"He's gonna hurl!"

Just as Renji predicted, and it was sheer luck, Ichigo’s stomach had decided to empty itself on the sidewalk the moment the redhead dragged him out. The rest of his friends followed them and Inoue started crying again.

“It’s fine,” Renji grunted, helping Ichigo stand while he continued to heave. “It’s better to get rid of it all.”

“Are you sure?” Inoue sobbed.

“It makes perfect sense,” Ishida nodded, trying to look away. The sounds were a bit too much for him.

Renji studied Ichigo. His face was covered in a sheen of sweat and was sickly pale. He knew that the nausea was far from over, but he needed to get the kid home. He can’t spend half of the night hurling in the street. 

“Ichigo, can you hear me?” He asked the blond. No response. Just panting and grunting. He affectionately petted the back of his head and neck, not caring at the moment that he had an audience of worried teens. “Gonna take you to my place now, okay? You’ll be fine.”

“Do you need help, Abarai-sensei,” Sado asked. 

“Uh… Sure. We can walk him together. Thanks.” Renji carefully gripped around Ichigo’s upper arm and gently straightened him up. Sado did the same on his other side and they slowly began to walk towards Renji’s apartment. The group quietly followed.

*****

The walk took about thirty minutes and several puking stops. Luckily, it seemed to diminish and, honestly, Ichigo had nothing more to puke. Sado helped Renji drag Ichigo to his apartment and then greeted quietly. 

“Take care of him, sensei.”

“I will. Thanks, Sado.”

“No problem.”

Now alone with Ichigo, Renji adjusted his hold and led the teen to his bathroom. He desperately needed a shower and clean clothes. 

Ichigo murmured something, his head lolling on one side.

“What was that, Ichi?”

“Toilet…”

“Need to puke again?” Renji hurried him to the toilet, but realized what’s going on when Ichigo started to fumble with his zipper. 

Cursing inwardly, Renji helped him with that too. As the teen relieved himself, Renji became aware of a thing that most people (thankfully) realise when they’re older. When you love someone, you absolutely get to see them at the lowest of their lows, when they’re most open, most vulnerable. Be that illness or embarrassing situations like this one. Ichigo would surely be mortified if he knew that his ex, his sensei nonetheless, was helping him to take a piss.

“Okay, done,” Renji awkwardly stated the obvious. “Now shower, and then bed.”

Ichigo just followed along, like on auto-pilot.

Renji slowly undressed him, feeling guilty all the while. He remembered when taking his clothes off was for a whole different reason. It really hurt, but he needed to do it. Ichigo just stood there, holding on to his shoulders for support, his eyes closed. Renji wasn’t sure the kid even knew where he was or who he was with. 

With Ichigo completely naked, Renji steered him slowly towards his shower cabin and tried to get him inside. The teen almost fell when he lost Renji’s support and the redhead figured he’d have to get in the shower as well. He lowered Ichigo to sit on the toilet while he hastily stripped himself down to his boxers. Those were easy to change later and he thought it would be just wrong to get completely naked with Ichigo at his current state.

“Come on, now.” He picked the teen up again and walked him inside the shower. Ichigo shivered and clutched onto him when he turned the water on. 

“No…”

“Shh, it’s alright. You’ll warm up.”

The teen coughed and dry heaved a couple of times. Renji couldn’t tell if he then sobbed or took a really loud breath. He held him up and slowly rinsed his skin with the warm water. 

“I can’t stand…”

It was the first partially coherent thing that Ichigo said.

“I’ve got you. Relax.”

“No…”

“We’ll be out in no time and then I’ll put you in a nice, warm bed.”

Ichigo whimpered and hung onto Renji, pressing his forehead against the older man’s shoulder. 

“Hey, there’s no reason for crying. You’re safe.” Renji petted the soaked strawberry blond hair affectionately, even though it hurt him. Who knows what had been going inside of that head of his. 

“Renji…” The teen sobbed and tightened his hold. 

The redhead wasn’t sure if Ichigo was aware that he was there, or was it just a cry for help in his drugged up state.

“I’m here. Come on. Let’s get you a towel.” He turned the shower off and reached for a big towel in which he then wrapped Ichigo up. 

He led the kid to his bedroom and sat him down. “Gonna find you some clothes.” Renji opened a few drawers and found a shirt and a pair of sweats. 

Ichigo was still shivering but he seemed a bit better. He still wasn’t making eye contact and kept tugging on his towel to get some more warmth. 

“Come on, legs in, butt up.” Renji dressed him patiently, first sweats, then shirt and tucked him into bed immediately. While leaning over him, he noticed that Ichigo was watching him.

“Hey.”

“Uh…” The warm brandy eyes filled up with new tears.

“Don’t cry. Sleep now.” Renji caressed his cheek. “You’ll feel better in the morning.”

A cold hand came up from under the blanket and gripped Renji’s wrist. He kept it like that until his eyes fluttered closed again. Renji stayed by his side until he was certain that the teen had fallen asleep. 

“I miss you so much, Ichigo.” Renji whispered, freeing his wrist from Ichigo’s hold and kissing the boy’s knuckles softly.

Maybe, just maybe, Renji thought that they would talk in the morning now that they are alone, and that Ichigo would maybe tell him what’s going on. Clearly, the kid still had feelings of some kind for him.

Renji quietly changed his clothes and curled up on the bed next to Ichigo, just listening to his steady breathing.

*****

Chapter Text

The first thing Ichigo felt was warmth.

A soft sheet against his skin. A familiar scent in the air.

The air smelled faintly of detergent and something that was just... Renji .

And for a second, it felt like he’d never left.

Like nothing had changed.

Like waking up here was still the most natural thing in the world.

Then the sinking realization hit him like a punch to the gut.

Renji’s bed.
He froze. Eyes wide open now.

He didn’t have to ask himself where he was or why.
He knew.
He remembered too much — and too little.

He sat up slowly, trying not to breathe too loudly. The room looked exactly the same as the last time he'd been here — but everything felt painfully different.
His heart started racing, not because of shame or confusion, but fear.
What if Byakuya finds out? What if Renji gets blamed? What if… everything falls apart?

Barefoot, Ichigo slid off the bed and tiptoed toward the door.
The hallway was dimly lit by soft morning light.
He followed the scent of coffee and the faint clinking of dishes.

Then he saw him.

Renji stood in the kitchen, shirt slightly wrinkled, stirring something in a pan. He glanced up — and their eyes met.

Renji didn’t say anything at first. Just gave him a quiet, soft smile.

“Hey. You’re awake.”
His voice was warm, casual.
“How’re you feeling?”

Ichigo opened his mouth… but no words came out.
He looked down.
Then up again.
Swallowed hard.

“…I’m not sure.”

“Coffee’s fresh. You want some?”

Ichigo didn’t answer right away.
He just nodded and walked over slowly, almost hesitantly, and sat down.

He didn’t look at Renji.
Except — he did. Through his lashes. Quick glances. Half-seconds too long.
Like his body didn’t get the memo that his mind was trying to stay distant.

Renji poured him a cup and placed it gently in front of him.

“How’s your head?”
His voice was low, careful.
“You scared the hell out of everyone last night.”

Ichigo stared at the cup.
He didn’t lift it. Didn’t speak.

Renji sat down across from him, watching him in silence for a moment.

“…Did I do something wrong?”
The words were barely above a whisper.
“I mean… was it me? Did I push too hard back then? Is that why you…?”

Ichigo blinked fast.
His jaw tightened.

“It’s not you.”
A beat.
“I didn’t want to. I had to.”

Renji frowned.
“Had to what?”

Ichigo finally looked at him.
Red around the eyes. Voice shaking.

“Leave. Break up. Hurt you.”

His lip quivered. He pressed it into a thin line, but the tears welled up anyway.
He turned his face slightly, trying to shield himself from Renji’s gaze. A quiet sob escaped him.

Renji leaned in, elbows on the table.

“Hey. Don’t do that. Don’t cry alone, not here.”
A pause.
“Did your dad find out?”

Ichigo shook his head. Then nodded.

“He knows I wasn’t with a girl. He doesn’t know who it was.”
He swallowed.
“But he’s not the problem.”

Renji’s brow furrowed.
“Then who is?”

Ichigo wiped at his face roughly.
“I can’t tell you. I want to, but I can’t.”

He stood up suddenly, pushing the chair back.

“I have to go.”

Renji reached out without thinking — his hand closing gently but firmly around Ichigo’s wrist.

“No.”

Ichigo froze.

“Not like this. Not again.”
Renji’s voice was still quiet, but lower now. Firmer.
“If you're going to leave, at least give me the truth. I can take it. I just… can’t take this silence anymore.”

Ichigo’s mouth opened. Closed.
He looked down at Renji’s hand on his skin, then at the man himself.

And in the silence that followed, only his breath could be heard.
Shaky. Hitched.
His shoulders trembled.

Renji didn’t let go.

Ichigo still stood, his wrist caught gently in Renji’s hand.
He bit his lip, looking like he was holding in a scream.

Then suddenly—
he let go. Of everything.

“Because I was scared, okay?!”

Renji blinked, stunned. Ichigo’s voice cracked.

“I was terrified! I still am! You could go to jail, Renji!”
His voice rose despite himself, trembling with panic.
“You’re a teacher! I’m just a kid in everyone’s eyes! If someone finds out, they’ll ruin you!”

He looked away, heart pounding.

“Byakuya came to me.” He said it flatly, like it had been carved out of him.
“Told me that if I didn’t walk away, he'd make sure you lost everything.”
His voice broke, tears rising again.
“He meant it. You know he did. And I couldn't—I couldn't let that happen.”

He pulled his wrist back, but didn’t walk away. His breathing was shallow, shaky.
Eyes brimming with tears again.

“I thought… I thought if I broke it off, if I stayed away… You’d be fine. Even if I wasn’t.”

Renji stared at him, frozen.

Ichigo ran a hand through his hair, voice barely more than a whisper now.
“You matter to me, Renji. I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you because of me. I need you to live your life, to be free, to do what you love...”
He paused, swallowing hard.
“…even if it means doing it without me.”

A beat. A breath.
His eyes dropped to the floor.

“Because I—”
He hesitated.
Then looked up and said it.
Soft. Breaking.

“—I love you.”

Renji’s heart stopped.

Just for a moment, everything went still. The room, the air, the world.

And then the weight of it hit him.
All of it.

How selfless Ichigo was.
How he'd carried that fear, that sacrifice — for him.
And how different that was from what Renji had known before.

Byakuya had once asked him to follow him across the world for his own sake.
Ichigo had let Renji go — for Renji’s sake.

Renji stood up slowly.
Ichigo took a step back.

“Don’t,” Ichigo whispered, voice panicked again.
“Please don’t. Don’t make this harder.”

But Renji stepped forward and pulled him in.

Ichigo struggled, feebly.
“Let me go. Please. Don’t—”

“No.”
Renji held him tighter.
“Not this time.”

Ichigo’s fists pushed at his chest once—twice—
then gave up. His hands curled into Renji’s shirt. His forehead rested against Renji’s shoulder.

Renji’s hand slid up the back of his head, fingers threading into the soft mess of strawberry-blond hair.

“I love you too.”

Ichigo let out a shuddered sob.

“I never stopped.”
Renji’s voice was low, firm, steady.
“And I’m not letting you carry this alone. We’ll figure it out. Together.”

Ichigo didn't say anything.
He just nodded against Renji’s shoulder, fists still clenched in his shirt, shaking.

After a long moment, Renji gently leaned back. His hands rose slowly, cupping Ichigo’s face between both palms.

“Look at me,” he whispered.

Ichigo’s eyes opened — glassy, red, raw. Beautiful.

Renji leaned in, their foreheads touching first. Then his lips brushed Ichigo’s with aching softness. No urgency. Just the kind of kiss meant to undo damage.

It lingered. Not deep. But full of meaning.

When he pulled back, he looked into Ichigo’s eyes and smiled, quietly.

“You have no idea…” he whispered, “…what an incredible person you are.”