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English
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Published:
2023-01-28
Completed:
2023-08-17
Words:
920
Chapters:
2/2
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Happily Ever After

Summary:

Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen were both reincarnated into the Dance era following Season 8.

This is a crack fic.

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"The best ASOIAF Fic ever written!" - Your mom

"Please have sex with my wife!" - Your dad (Unprompted)

Notes:

I wrote this drunk, loosely based on an actual idea I had for a fic. The only part meant to be taken seriously is bitching about Stans and the show.

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

As Jon plunged his knife into the Dany’s heart he felt sad. “Wow, I can’t believe that she threw that huge of a lead. I kinda blame myself for this. I feel bad now!” He thought to himself. As Drogon flew in and saw his mother dead in Jon’s arms he felt sad. “Wow, sorry I got your brothers and mother killed. #ShitHappens.” As Drogon reared his head back, Jon thought he was going to be burnt. “Fair play” he thought to himself. But instead of burning Jon, the guy holding his dead mother, who he just murdered, the Dragon instead burnt the Iron Throne for some reason. “Wow, that’s a really shitty metaphor for the pursuit of absolute power leading to people to become monsters. If only the plot behind the first like 6 seasons wasn’t about how the Throne wasn’t the seat of power, and Tywin, Jon Arryn, Ned, and Cersei were the real power behind the Throne at any given time.”

After hearing that, Drogon looked at Jon and said “Shits whack, bro. I kinda forgot about that! Also I hate Show! Sansa, her character post s4 is simultaneously unbelievably misogynist, like someone whose never met a woman’s idea of a smart woman, like she rants about how they should punish those whose houses didn’t align with the Starks in 7x01 while literally no one present except the Mormonts did, incredibly stupid as in her only successful scheme through the entire show only worked because Dany went mad, and her stans are super fucking annoying online. It’s absolutely no shock to me that there’s such an overlap between Stansas and Aemondwives since both are objectively terrible characters who killed their kin (Rickon and Lucerys) in a quest for power. It’s fucking crazy how there are more fics tagged Sansa/ Aemond than there are for every other time travel/ reincarnation pairing you could think of combined.”

“What’s a pairing?” Jon Asked.

“Fuck if I know” Drogon said as he hit a sick dab and flew away into the sunset.

Jon remembered he was still sad, so he picked up Dany’s body and jumped off a cliff into the sea and they both died.

Jon woke up again, not dead, “wow the gods must not like me” he thought to himself since he wasn’t dead. He was a baby, the bastard son of Daemon Targaryen and Lyanna Stark. He was name Jonaenys Targaryen. “Wow, this is just like my last life!” Jon thought to himself. Several moons later, Jon’s grandma died birthing a baby. The baby’s name was Daenerys. Dany was reincarnated too! Throughout the year, baby Dany would do nothing but glare at Jon and hit him. They played with their cousins/ nieces Rhaenyra and Laena. One day, when they were both old enough to speak Jon apologized to Dany saying “I’m sorry I murdered you Dany”. Dany looked at him and said “it’s okay jon” and then they never acknowledged it again. They both sounded like babies by the way.

Time went on as they all grew. Alicent Hightower was their age (this is show cannon btw) and they were all friends. They played the kissing game, and since Jon was the only boy, they all kissed him. At some point he and Dany started fucking. Rhaenyra saw them and wanted to join in. Then Laena. Alicent also joined at some point. Otto Hightower being a scheming bitch caught word of it, and went to the king for some reason. Viserys was kinda mad. He yelled at Jonhaerys.

“Jonothor! You fucked my daughter and my sister! Not cool bro! You’re in trouble!” Viserys yelled.

“Uncle your grace, I’m simply built different and horny. I also fucked your cousin and your hand’s daughter.” Jonaemon replied.

“What shall be my punishment be, uncle your grace?” Jonghal asked.

“You’ve dishonored all those women, you shall marry them.” Viserys said, laughing a cruel laugh, that was both a laugh and cruel.

Jonathan was devastated. You see, he was a Green which meant that he hated women. He just wanted to have hot gay sex with his dad and Corlys (who in this universe is played by Don Cheadle).

At the wedding, Otto was mad. Corlys said “Trans Rights!” And everyone was happy with that except for Otto. Otto is an asshole so he’s transphobic. Otto got killed and everyone cheered.

For the bedding they had all sexed sexily. And they all sexed sexily sexer sexter.

(bonus extended lore, in semifirm canon)
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

Nearly forty moons later, his first child was born. His wives had magical properties where childbirth would last a prolonged time due to a curse inflicted by King Aragorn Targaryen ten thousand years ago. Alas, Alicent gave the first birth and was shamed by his wives for it. But Prince Aenar Targaryen would be born. His other siblings born in the following 124 moons would be Gaemon, Uteaerys, Taelor, and Aenys.

 

Chapter 2: Expanded Aragorn Targaryen Lore Update

Summary:

The Curse of Aragorn Targaryen

Chapter Text

There once was a good king, named Aragorn Targaryen. Aragorn was the fairest and smartest king in all the lands, who was truly the one true Discord Contributor of them all! One day he had a vision of a 78 month long pregnancy and was super horny all the time in main, and the other King of the Greens said that was weird and banished him. 

His banishment led to House Targaryen and it only started then. Also his clones come and spread his gospel to the masses from time to time.