Archive of Our Own ^beta

Life wasn't always kind to everyone and Wooyoung knew that quite well, a victim of it himself. It wasn't like he was complaining though, he had stopped doing that long ago. When he first got yelled at during a storm for crying out, being told how "Mommy won't come hug you so just shut up already" had been enough for him. He had realized that one he had nobody but himself and two that complaining about things was useless and only made others angry. 

So he stopped doing it. He didn't complain to his caretakers when they gave him barely any time of the day in the orphanage he grew up in. He didn't complain to his brothers and sisters when they would use his compliance to their advantage. He didn't complain to the family that had taken him in when he realized it was only a facade of kindness to look nice for the public. He never made his problems known and decided that he was absolutely capable of taking care of his own self. 

Until San, son of a family his own foster one was close to, came into picture and tried to erase all that Wooyoung had ever known. San was a sweet man, don't get him wrong, but he was known for trying to fix others. Trying to help anyone and everyone. 

Wooyoung wasn't broken to need fixing. Or... He was but he would never admit it. Never confess that he too would cry bitter tears. No. Those were for people who were allowed to shed them but he was not. He was a capable enough to pick himself up and go through another day. 

So when one day San held him in his admittedly way too warm and comfortable embrace telling him how as a human being he is allowed to feel his emotions not always wear that same mask of indifference... Wooyoung lost it. Pushing the slightly broader man away from himself before standing up to earn a bit of power. 

They were almost the same height but now San had to look up and was too shocked to stand himself so Wooyoung took advantage of that and looked him right in the eye. 

"Don't you dare start with that. I've known you for years, since I first came here and I know better than anyone that you always go ahead and give people those encouraging lectures of nonsense. I am not your fucking damsel in distress that you need to come save with your sweet words. If you don't like my face you're very much allowed not to see it and fuck out of my room right now." 

And San was left speechless, gaping at him. Wooyoung was sure he had gotten him. Called him out for his pitiful attempt to play the savior... But then San’s expression changed into something more firm. He almost looked scary and if Wooyoung hadn't known him since half his teenage years all the way to his early 20s... Maybe he'd run. 

"This is not about me or my satisfaction when I help someone who needs help. This is about you and how for all those years I've known you I have never seen a genuine smile from you. It's about how it's killing me to know you keep everything inside of you as if you're scared to put them into words. It's not about wanting to help someone, it's about me being greedy, wanting to know that for once you're ok! Do you think I don't know? That you're hurting? I've heard you even. That one time I visited and heard sobbing and all you had to tell when I opened the door was ‘I'm fine’." 

And this time it was Wooyoung that was too stunned to utter a single word. Staring at San like his words burned him. Was it really that obvious? Had everyone seen it? Maybe that's why things never got better. Maybe San was also growing tired because it was so obvious and it shouldn't be. Wooyoung shouldn't need... Shouldn't want... He was strong. He could take care of himself and needed nothing and no one and that would make people satisfied with him... So San was always unsatisfied with him? Did he stick around just to try making him better? 

His head started spinning and for a moment he thought he was flying till he wasn't and the cold floor under him reminded him this was life and there were no flying humans. There was pain blossoming on his face and a hand on it coming back red made him realize blood was coming out of his hurting nose. He could hardly focus till he realized San was calling for him. 

"Wooyoung! Oh my... I'm bringing the med kit. I'm so sorry I didn't mean to..." 

And Wooyoung hardly managed to look up at the man who looked at him with so much worry... No. It should have been pity. It should be. That's all this empathetic man felt. He felt apologetic and pity for the mess Wooyoung was. He found his voice again. 

"I don't need you. I don't need anyone. I can take care of myself."

And now the worried face also seemed pained. As if the words stung. 

"I know, but you shouldn't have to." 

And with that he was gone, leaving him confused on the cold floor that was now more bloody than he'd like to admit. Did San leave? Was that the last straw? Well... He wouldn't complain. He couldn't. Even when tears gathered in his eyes and he started crying worse than he ever had. He couldn't complain that the man listened to what he asked and left him alone. Let him deal with his probably broken nose by himself. 

Except that San didn't take more than two minutes to come back with the medical kit he had mentioned before, pulling him on his lap and starting to clean up the mess even if some got on his pants. 

He worked carefully, touch gentle and like a feather as not to add to his pain. It felt like Wooyoung was no longer there. Or he was but his mind couldn't quite grasp what was happening. San was taking care of him. And Wooyoung let him. Staying still and trying to stop himself from crying any more tears but he couldn't. It was like since he started then there was no way back from it and his eyes poured all the anguish his heart felt. 

"My sweetheart..." 

San’s voice was so comforting... It was like the embrace he had held him in before. Made him feel what he guessed was a feeling of safety. He didn't remember anyone giving him this before. 

"It's ok. I am here, yeah? I would never leave. I will never do that to you. I'm here ok? I just needed to get this so I can properly treat you."

Was he consoling him? Trying to explain himself? Whatever it was, it was working. He felt like something heavy was off his chest when San told him he'd stay. That he just wanted to properly treat the injury Wooyoung brought on himself. 

"I am sorry, I shouldn't... You shouldn't have to do this for me, it's my fault..."

Wooyoung said that in a quiet tone but San heard it clear as day, giving him a stern look. As if Wooyoung shouldn't say such things. 

"You're hurt. In so many ways. And as someone who cares, I want to do this for you."

It was like he wasn't talking about his nose and somehow... Wooyoung found comfort in that too. He didn't know he needed these words but... 

"Are you saying these things because you mean them or you're trying to make me feel better?" 

And there was the truth. He hoped San would be honest with him at least... That he wouldn't tell him he means it just so-

"I mean them with every bit of my being." 

His eyes met Wooyoung in a way that left no room for doubts. The way they burned with sincerity... Did San always look at him like that? 

"What if it gets too much? If I am too much?"

San had stopped wiping his nose clean and was checking if it was broken, making Wooyoung wince a bit before apologizing on the spot for it. 

"You can never be too much. People made you feel like you can't use your own voice to communicate your pains and fears... But not me. I want to hear it all. Just like a mountain I want to be able to stay firm by your side. Like an umbrella, protect you from the bad weather in your head." 

And Wooyoung melted and cried again and it was not from pain. No. He felt the happiest he had ever managed to feel in his whole life and it was San that gave him that. 

"Thank you..."

Was all that he managed and it meant so much more. It was filled with all Wooyoung could feel and every ounce of gratefulness he had in his body. San understood, he could see it in his dimpled smile. Was the world always so colorful or… Or was it that the sun had decided to shine for Wooyoung finally in the form of cat features and dimples? 

Whatever it was the two of them looked at each other for a long period of time but it didn't feel uncomfortable. It was actually… Peaceful. San looked content too like this. 

"I think your nose will be ok but will surely bruise for a few days." 

San said after moments and Wooyoung had half forgotten it despite the dull pain that lingered. His nose was already bandaged and everything that could be done was done. And he didn't lift a finger. 

"You could stay over and make sure it heals."

He offered and knew what this meant. He was giving San the chance to take care of him. And maybe... It was him being greedy as well. Greedy and wanting more of these bright days. Greedy and wanting San. 

"Sure thing." 

Wooyoung didn't feel bad for wanting.