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Sanzo had been in a sour mood all day. Well, his attitude was colder than usual; his temper was more unfavourable and indiscriminate in its retaliation. Even Goku hadn’t been exempt from it.
“What… what’s that all about!” Goku snapped. “I’m just trying to he—”
“I don’t need your help,” Sanzo replied icily. He crossed his arms atop his knees and returned his gaze to the pouring rain outside. “In fact, I don’t need you at all.”
Goku froze. A number of emotions were clashing around inside of him now. “You… you don’t mean that.”
“Oh? So you know better than me now?”
Goku knew that Sanzo could be mean—sometimes even cruel with the way he delivered the truth—but this was… If he said that, then…
“Fine! I don’t need you either!” With that, he spun on his heel and ran out of the room. Sanzo didn’t turn to watch him leave, and he squashed down the guilt that threatened to rise inside of him.
Hakkai and Gojyo were in their own room a few doors down having their own conversation about the weather and about how Sanzo’s attitude had sharply declined when they heard the door slam down the hall.
“What the?” Gojyo muttered as Hakkai stood up. “What the hell is that about?”
“I’ll go check.” Hakkai crossed the room and opened their door just in time to see Goku tearing down the hall. That wasn’t a good sign. “Goku!” He raced after his friend, and he just barely managed to catch Goku before he could run out into the rain. “Goku, what’s wrong?”
“Let go of me!” Goku struggled against Hakkai’s grip.
“Don’t be absurd.” Hakkai knew that if Goku really wanted to get away, he would be easily overpowered, but as it was, Goku wasn’t trying that hard to escape. Hakkai banked on this and hoped that comforting the younger man would be the way to go. “Let’s get away from the door, alright? I don’t want you to get sick.”
“Just let me go, Hakkai! I’m just a burden anyway; it doesn’t matter if I get sick or not.”
Did Sanzo say that? Hakkai kept himself from sighing. He softened his grip, but his other hand came to rest on Goku’s shoulder. “Goku, listen to me. You’re not a burden. Just stay and talk with me, alright? Tell me what happened.”
Goku didn’t relax, per se, but he at least stopped struggling enough to let himself be guided back into the inn. Once Hakkai had guided Goku to a secluded table and was confident he wouldn’t run, he ordered a round of food and drinks for them both before returning to the table. He brought his chair closer to Goku’s side and folded his hands on top of the table.
“Alright. I’m listening,” he said gently.
And Goku talked, not just about the situation but about what he was feeling, what he had been thinking, and how he had hoped everything would happen. Even though there was something old about Goku’s soul, he still had the naivete of a child, and because of that, he didn’t hide his emotions. He told things as they were, or as he perceived them to be, and he was honest in a way the other three weren’t or… just didn’t allow themselves to be anymore.
But Hakkai patiently listened. It was his hallmark after all. Even when Goku paused long enough to devour food through his tears, Hakkai didn’t say a word because he knew that more of that refreshing honesty was just around the corner. He allowed Goku to eat to his heart’s content; after all, it was being charged to Sanzo’s card (Hakkai didn’t envy the person who had to balance those books at the end of the month).
Finally, after the dishes had been cleared from their table, Goku crossed his arms over the wood and mumbled misery, “Is it really so bad to want to help him…?”
Hakkai placed a hand on his back. “Of course not, Goku.”
Goku looked up at him suddenly. “Then why won’t he let me?”
“Because it’s Sanzo we’re talking about.” Hakkai smiled sympathetically. “He’d sooner throw himself into a horde of demons unarmed than let himself be vulnerable.”
“Yeah, he would. But…” Goku ducked his eyes then his head until he was staring at the table once again. “Doesn’t that get lonely?” he mumbled.
Hakkai didn’t answer immediately, waiting to see if there would be more that followed, and he wasn’t disappointed when Goku continued:
“I mean… I’m guessing he’s had it rough in the past; I can’t figure out why else he’d be so mean. But he’s got us now. And I dunno about you guys, but I care about him.”
“We care about him too, Goku.” Hakkai lifted his head to indicate the room where he and Gojyo were staying. To his surprise, Gojyo was there with his back turned and leaning against the railing. A thin trail of smoke wafted into the air. “In our own way, of course.” Hakkai stared back down at his companion before sliding his hand up to Goku’s shoulder and pulling him close.
“Tell you what: let me talk to him this time. I think I know what’s going on with him. And if that doesn’t work, we can knock some sense into him.”
Goku stared up at him. “He’d deserve it!”
Hakkai laughed gently. “He would. Trade rooms with me too. I highly doubt I’ll be able to soften his mood easily.”
“You think Gojyo would mind?”
“Considering the circumstances, I think he’d let it slide.”
“Well. Alright.” Goku pressed against Hakkai’s body for a hug, which was easily returned. Hakkai looked up just in time to see Gojyo push away from the railing and head back into his room. “Thanks, Hakkai.”
Hakkai returned his gaze downward and squeezed his friend tighter. “Of course, Goku. Anytime.”
The room was somber when Hakkai stepped inside. Sanzo was still perched at the end of the bed just as Goku had described; the sight was completely disheartening. Though Hakkai didn’t know the full story behind Sanzo’s mood, he could understand how the rain could carry… unfavourable memories.
Sanzo didn’t move as he spoke, “I thought I told you to scram.”
“Did you now?” Hakkai replied cheerily as he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. For extra measure, he locked the door with a twist of his fingers. “I’m afraid I didn’t get the memo.”
“Hmph.” Sanzo hunched forward onto himself to rest his chin on his forearm. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to see how you were doing.”
“How does it look, Hakkai? Don’t be stupid.”
“I’m not doing anything of the sort.” Undettered, Hakkai drew closer to Sanzo. He placed a small bowl of stew on the table. “If you want something to drink, I can see what they have downstairs.”
“I don’t need you to baby me. I’m fine.”
“I would beg to differ.” Hakkai stood upright and smiled at Sanzo’s harsh profile.
Of course, the blond wasn’t looking in his direction, wouldn’t dare entertain the thought. Instead of taking that as the clear dismissal it was meant to be, Hakkai walked over to the window and leaned against the wall beside it. It was truly coming down outside; he could barely see a foot past the glass. It was also cold. He could feel the chill trying to creep in through the window, and he suppressed the urge to draw closed the curtains to maintain some of the room’s warmth.
The silence persisted, colder than the glass Hakkai leaned against. It was oh too obvious how unwanted his presence was, but he wasn’t going to be scared off because Sanzo was in a mood. The complete opposite, in fact. The worse Sanzo acted, the more obvious it was that he needed the company.
“You’re wasting your time, you know,” Sanzo said finally. His tone was still aloof, but it wasn’t as sharp as it had been before. Progress. If anything… he sounded tired.
“Am I?” Hakkai tilted his head against the wall, and though he kept his gaze on the rain, he watched Sanzo in his peripheral vision. “And here I thought I was just enjoying the sights with a friend.”
“There’s nothing to ‘enjoy.’” Ah, the bitterness was back. Hakkai set aside any future jokes to lighten the mood. Sanzo sat upright slowly. “It’s just as miserable outside as it is in here. Don’t push yourself to be the ‘good Samaritan.’”
“Thankfully, being good has never been a hardship for me.” Hakkai adjusted himself now so that he was looking at Sanzo. That movement was enough to earn him a passing glance at least. His lips twitched up at the sight. More progress, however small. “I just want to be here for you.”
“And you were. Now get out.”
Hakkai ignored the dismissal. He looked over at the food. “You should eat before it gets cold.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“But you will be, if you truly aren’t now. We haven’t had a good meal since yesterday, and while this isn’t necessarily the best, it’ll at least do the job.” Okay, one last joke. He couldn’t help himself.
This time, Sanzo looked at him, really looked at him. With small movements of his jaw, he rolled the cigarette between his teeth. Hakkai could see the cogs turning in his mind as Sanzo tried to figure out a way to get him to leave.
“If I eat, will you go?” Not his best attempt, but an honest one.
Hakkai just returned the question with his signature smile. “You know I don’t like to make promises I can’t keep.”
“You…” Sanzo tightened up a hand into a fist, but he let it go almost as quickly. He forced himself to relax with a heavy sigh. “…are annoying.”
“Not the worst thing I’ve ever been called, I assure you.” Hakkai watched as Sanzo finally uncurled and slid to the center of the bed to sit in front of the small, round table. “Would you like anything to drink?”
Sanzo stared at him again, one part annoyed and the other part resigned. “...A beer’ll be fine.”
“On it.” Hakkai nudged himself away from the wall. “I’ll be right back.”
This was as much of an out as he was going to give Sanzo, and he strutted out of the room assuming that that had been inherently understood. When it came to Sanzo, they were more often than not on the same wavelength. So, he wouldn’t insult the monk’s intelligence by spelling it out for him. Just like with Goku, if he truly wanted to be left alone, it wouldn’t be impossible to say or do something to enforce as much.
However, when Hakkai returned, he found that the door hadn’t been locked at all. In fact, it hadn’t even been closed, though he left it ajar when he left. Hakkai closed his eyes and sighed gratefully before gathering himself and stepping inside. He raised two glasses as he closed the door again. This time, he didn’t lock it. Trust for trust after all.
“Hope you don’t mind if I join you.”
“Might as well. Otherwise, it’d just be pathetic to drink alone.”
“Trust me, I’ve had one of those days.”
Hakkai used one bottle to uncap the other, which he then handed to Sanzo. Afterward, he used a small pulse of his qi to pop the cap of the one he still head. He stood at the side of the bed furthest away from the window. Sanzo took a swig from his beer before setting it down and continuing to eat his food.
“Have you now?” he asked drily.
“Mhm. Back when Gojyo and I used to live together.”
Sanzo scoffed. “I still can’t believe it. Knowing the guy now, I’m wondering how you could stand it.”
Hakkai laughed openly. “Oh, come now. He’s not that bad.”
Sanzo paused in bringing the spoon up to his mouth and stared at his companion flatly.
Hakkai curled a hand in front of his mouth to stop himself from laughing again. “Well, I’m serious. He was actually rather pleasant to live with. We fell into a rhythm pretty quickly, especially because I’ve always been something of a homebody. Sometimes, he would be gone all day, and that left me with time to just cook and clean and just enjoy the space to myself.”
“Hmph.” Sanzo stirred his stew again. “Lucky him having a househusband.” If it were anyone else, Hakkai might have said that there was a hint of jealousy or judgement, but Sanzo’s sarcasm was as dry as his wit. If this was him joking back, then Hakkai was going to take that as a win in his book.
“I’m sure he wouldn’t have admitted to seeing things that way, especially back then.” Hakkai took a chance and sat down on the bed. When Sanzo didn’t stop eating, he stretched out his legs and continued, “But we were pretty close friends. Still are, but it was different when it was just us. Whenever it used to rain like this, it was hard for me to hide because there was only the one room.
“Gojyo was kind enough to give me space, but I… never told him what it was all about. And he tried to figure it out. He asked and guessed… He always opened the floor for me to say what I needed to.” Hakkai trailed off. He stared at the bottle for a few seconds before taking a drink. “But I just never could.”
“So… what? Are you going to tell me now?”
“No, Sanzo. I’m not.” Hakkai looked at the blond now. “And I don’t expect you to tell me anything either.” There was a beat of silence. Sanzo didn’t eat; he just stirred his spoon, knocking aside meager chunks of meat and vegetables. “But I want you to know that I’m here to listen to whatever you have to say. If you want to say anything at all.”
“Hmph, how noble of you.”
“Well, I try.” Hakkai smiled. “The more we travel, the more I realise that this world could use simple kindness. Everyone and everything. Even you, Sanzo.”
No reply. He can’t say that he honestly expected one either. They ate and drank in silence. When everything was finished, Sanzo pushed himself across the bed until his back was against the wall. He pulled his lighter from his pocket to light his cigarette as Hakkai picked up the table and moved it across the room. Confident now that he was going to spend the next little while here, Hakkai went to sit at the edge of the bed again and began removing his boots.
“The rain just… reminds me of when I was young,” Sanzo said slowly. “It makes me think of my master, the Sanzo who came before me.”
And that was all. That was enough. Hakkai smiled gently, but he wiped the expression, replacing it with a more serene neutral one, once his boots were removed. He scooted back until he was also against the wall, but he pressed himself side by side with Sanzo. He wasn’t scolded; he wasn’t shoved away.
“It reminds me… of a loss that will haunt me forever, I think,” he said softly.
Sanzo didn’t say anything. He just placed a hand on Hakkai’s thigh as a sign of solidarity. Hakkai looked down and was moved by the gesture. He’d take that and everything else Sanzo had given him thus far. The smell of smoke was familiar at this point, especially because he had lived with Gojyo for so long. He could never indulge in that particular vice, but he hoped that it was serving its purpose and helping Sanzo relax a bit.
And if not, well, maybe he could convince the man to slowly kick the habit…
But then, where would that leave them if Sanzo needed a way to calm down? Hakkai had a few ideas, but none of them seemed to fit quite as well. He side glanced to the other man as Sanzo drew his hand back to himself. He took one last drag before blowing out the smoke and stabbing out the cigarette on his sleeve.
“Doesn’t it hurt?”
“The material is thick enough that I can’t feel it,” Sanzo replied. He pulled a white pack out of his robe sleeve and stashed the cigarette in with the others.
“Sometimes, I’m truly mystified that you’re a monk,” Hakkai joked.
“Yeah, yeah. You and everyone else—get in line.” Sanzo stashed the pack again and looked out the window.
Hakkai’s mind was going again. While Sanzo wore the somber attitude very well, he knew how heavy a burden memories like theirs could be. Even when the rain lifted, the mood would follow them for days, haunting them even when they pretended to be fine. He… had one way to calm Sanzo down. Though they had only done this a couple of times before, he was confident that he wouldn’t be turned away now.
“Sanzo…” Hakkai raised a hand to smooth it up the length of Sanzo’s arm until he gently squeezed the slender shoulder. “Perhaps the demons of your past have haunted you enough for tonight.”
“That right?” came the flat question. Sanzo didn’t turn.
“As I said, I won’t make you talk, but let me be here for you.”
Nothing at first, but then Sanzo turned slowly and gave him an up and down look.
“Focus only on me.” Hakkai moved his hand to cup Sanzo’s cheek. “Let me share your burden, just for a little while.”
Sanzo scoffed, but he didn’t move away. He drew closer, and Hakkai shifted so that he could lean back easily. He kept himself propped up with an elbow, and Sanzo hovered over him. His hands flattened on the bed to either side of Hakkai’s ribs.
“You sure are persistent…”
Hakkai chuckled. “Sometimes, you need to be reminded that you have people who won’t give up on you.” He tilted his head and added cheerfully, “Of course if that didn’t work, Goku and I were going to take a more heavy-handed approach.”
“Tch. Wise guy.” Sanzo bent lower. “I’d love to see you try.”
“Is that so? Well, there’s always time to—”
“Shut up, Hakkai,” Sanzo ordered before sealing their lips together in a kiss.
‘Gladly,’ Hakkai thought. He smiled against his lips and moved his hand to cup the back of Sanzo’s head. His fingers brushed against the nape of Sanzo’s neck, and he was rewarded with a shudder, which Sanzo quickly covered by shoving him down onto the bed.
Hakkai wasn’t very vocal in bed; this much had been pointed out to him before, but now that he was traveling with other people, he found that he actually had to try to keep himself quiet. Whether he was giving or receiving, whenever he was with Sanzo like this, his voice always threatened to rise beyond his control. The monk was still learning how to best take him apart, but the damnable part was that he was a quick study. Hakkai bit down on his bottom lip as he dug his nails into Sanzo’s arms. One thrust made him gasp sharply, and Hakkai turned his head. He pressed the back of his hand against his mouth as he let out soft huffs and stifled moans.
“Stop… ha-hiding from me.”
Hakkai cracked open an eye to stare up at Sanzo. “Y-you’re one to talk—ah!”
“And you shouldn’t be talking at all.”
Hakkai laughed breathlessly. He hesitated to move when another moan caught in his throat, but he smiled around it. His hand went to join the other on Sanzo’s body, and he held on for dear life. Sanzo held onto his hips to keep Hakkai at an angle that was perfect for the both of them; he kept a steady pace, which deep but not necessarily hard and made Hakkai melt underneath him.
When he could keep his eyes open, Hakkai stared up at Sanzo who was framed by the light pouring in front window. The rain was heavy enough to at least cover his moans and panting, but he knew that wouldn’t be the case if he was any louder than he was now. Sanzo was looking at him, but it was hard to say if he was really seeing him. Hakkai tightened around Sanzo’s cock and relished in the throaty groan he earned in return.
“Still with me?”
“Y-yeah. Fuck, Hakkai.” Sanzo shifted his grip and took hold of Hakkai’s wrists. He pulled his arms back until he drew Hakkai’s arms taut and used that as leverage to pull Hakkai into his thrusts.
This also had the added bonus of preventing Hakkai from hiding his pleasured expression. For some reason, that was more embarrassing to Hakkai than the sound of his own voice. He turned his head away and sighed out his moans in an attempt to keep himself quiet. Sanzo’s pace increased, built in intensity, and Hakkai trembled as he tried to keep control of himself.
Every thrust was stroking a spot inside of him that made him see stars. Hakkai huffed now as Sanzo pistoned inside of him; he whispered “Sanzo, Sanzo, wait, I— oh! There! Sanzo, Sanzo, ha—!” The pleasure was electric, and he felt pride in hearing the soft groans from Sanzo as well. Hakkai pressed his lips closed, and his brows knit together as he felt a tingling heat build inside of him. He shifted his hips and rocked his body more to one side to change the angle and—
Oh! There!! His eyes flew open as the pleasure hit a fever pitch inside of him. Hakkai leaned his head back over the side of the bed, and he stared blindly at the wall. Every thought was wiped from his body; all he could think about was the feel of Sanzo inside of him, of the way his body folded as Sanzo leaned over him.
Sanzo released Hakkai’s wrists as he pressed their bodies together. One arm cinched around Hakkai’s waist; his other hand gripped the sheets tightly as he chased his own release. They stayed like that, lost in each other for minutes until one of them sought a kiss. It was hard to say who. They were so far beyond themselves, but once their lips met, it was a heated, searching kiss. Hakkai held Sanzo’s face with both hands as they tasted each other.
Hakkai’s body tightened around Sanzo; it begged where his words couldn’t, and Sanzo replied in kind, hammering into him until the bed loudly knocked against the wall. Hakkai couldn’t care even if he wanted to. His every thought was consumed by Sanzo and the inescapable he felt that mounted until it blinded them both and consumed him whole.
“HN!!” Hakkai’s body arched underneath Sanzo’s. A hand shot down to grip the monk by his bicep and hold onto dear life as he spilled between their stomachs. He panted openly through his orgasm, and his eyes rolled back until they closed when he felt Sanzo fill him from within. Hakkai moaned, luxuriating in the feel of their bodies riding the high together. He rolled his hips, and Sanzo matched, still slowly working inside of him and panting softly against Hakkai’s neck.
“Sanzo…” Hakkai moaned when they were still joined. He slid a hand down to grip Sanzo’s hip, not knowing if he wanted the monk to continue or stop, but Sanzo made the decision for them both.
“Stay.” It was a command. He gripped Hakkai’s wrist to hold him, and Hakkai let out a weak moan.
“I… I can’t.” It took a lot to push Hakkai into hypersensitivity, so there was this long, blissful stretch of warm pleasure for him to bask in. Though there was always the risk of him becoming greedy and overindulging himself…
“Stay.” The word brokered no further argument. Sanzo nestled himself closer and made his home inside Hakkai’s body.
Hakkai moaned again when they kissed; it was slow and deep, and Hakkai couldn’t stop himself from occasionally squeezing around Sanzo just to wring another moan from the man. They broke apart for long enough to shuffle to the middle of the bed together, but once they were settled, Sanzo took his time exploring Hakkai through the kiss. It was enough to leave Hakkai pleasantly dizzy when they parted again.
“Happy now?” Sanzo grumbled.
Hakkai leaned his head back and sighed as he looked at Sanzo anew. “There he is. I knew he was down there somewhere.”
Sanzo rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”
“What else am I supposed to do to pass the time?” Hakkai rolled his hips pointedly.
“You could rest and give me a minute.” Sanzo laid on top of him; he tucked his face into Hakkai’s neck.
A laugh, a gentle swipe of a comforting hand up and down the length of Sanzo’s back. “Alright, alright. I suppose you’ve earned it,” he teased. Though, he was glad that they had made it this far. “You know… you should apologise to Goku when you get the chance.”
“Don’t talk about him right now—are you crazy?”
Hakkai grinned. “I’m just saying.”
“Idiot. You’re really going to make me put in some effort, aren’t you?” Sanzo muttered. After a hard sigh, he knocked his temple against Hakkai’s. “Fine, just… be quiet, okay?”
“Sure thing, Sanzo.” Hakkai turned his eyes to the rain now. It had lessened, though not by much. Still, progress was progress. “Whatever you need~”