Chapter Text
He never thought this would happen, that things would end like this and this was certainly an end. Of course that would be it. Despite all of his talk, all of his bravado and long winded speeches it had been the one thing he hadn’t accounted for. Himself. His own emotions and sense of security. His own attachment and capability, not willingness, to do what needed to be done. He’d been willing, more than willing, but when it came down to it he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t pull that trigger and those few seconds of hesitation from him had been enough to seal everyone’s fate. In the end all of his contingency plans meant nothing and all because of him. He just couldn’t kill his best friend.
It had all happened so fast. He’d barely had enough time to process it all and before he knew it he was being dragged through the watchtower by Flash after having been beaten within an inch of his life. His ears were ringing, his right arm dangled uselessly by his side, he could hardly stand on his own two feet, his suit was slick with blood, and not just his own. Barry’s words were foggy, muted, far away. Shock. He was in shock.
He felt a solidness at his back and let out a pained noise as Barry lowered him to the floor and leaned him against the wall. It took more effort to breathe than was normal. There were many, many reasons behind that but after everything that had happened he figured it was best to assume internal bleeding. Hemothorax, his mind supplied. If he didn’t figure out a way to drain the blood soon he was going to be in serious trouble. Not that he wasn’t already in serious trouble.
“-uce! Bruce!” Barry yelled and tapped his cheek with the back of one hand. “C’mon can you hear me? I need you to listen to what I’m about to say.”
Bruce’s lips stuck together as he opened his mouth to rasp out an affirmative.
“Okay good, because we don’t have much time.” He spun around and began furiously typing on a nearby console.
Where?….Oh. He recognized where they were. It was one of the lesser used hangars in the watchtower. It was mostly used to house some more volatile things while people figured out how to use and repair them. It was also used as a place for Bruce’s more….unstable experiments. He’d nearly blown himself up on more than one occasion in this room. Right now the place held something they’d been trying to fix up and figure out, at Bruce’s behest of course. An inter-dimensional portal had several uses but a good one would be finding out a way to somehow shield them from any intrusion. If they could avoid another Justice Lords incident that would be great.
Not that it mattered anymore. Things had gone so very wrong. So, so much worse than the Justice Lords. He’d have taken that scenario over this one any day of the week. At least that world had hope.
He shook his head and sucked in as deep a breath as he could manage. He leaned forward and hunched over himself with a hiss. Barry’s head snapped in his direction and he looked torn between helping Bruce and continuing what he was doing. He decided on the latter. His keystrokes were almost too fast for the computer to follow. He’d tried his best but Bruce had yet to put together a computer fast enough to keep up with Flash.
“Now, I know this thing was kind of your baby, pet project, whatever. Doesn’t matter now.”
No, it really didn’t.
“Either way it was fixed up enough to get it running.”
Bruce let out a cough and another wince. He put his good arm against the wall and used it to push himself to his feet. Barry looked like he wanted to protest the action, but he didn’t.
“Heh.” He let loose a mirthless chuckle. “Looks like you pushing yourself so hard finally did come in handy.” He said with a roll of his eyes.
Bruce would beg to differ. It always came in handy.
“The only problem is that the circuitry is not going to hold together for very long.”
“You’re planning on starting this thing up?” Bruce rasped as he limped forward.
“Yup.”
“Why?”
“There are a lot of other universes out there. A lot of places, a lot of versions of us…..” He paused and looked at Bruce with an expression he wasn’t able to decipher. “a lot of chances that this universe doesn’t have.”
“Barry,” Bruce growled as he grabbed hold of the man’s shoulder. “what are you thinking? We can’t do this.”
He hunched over and gave another pained groan.
“Yes we can.” He nodded.
“No.” Bruce used what little strength he had to pull Barry around to face him. “No, we can’t. This,” He sucked in a pained breath. “this is our fight. Our responsibility. We can’t bring this on anyone else.”
“And that right there,” He grabbed Bruce by both shoulders. “that is why I’ve made this decision.” He spun back around and continued furiously typing away and jumping through every hoop that Bruce had put into place to start up the half dead machine. “I don’t expect you understand Bruce. That’s just not the kind of person you are.”
“Barry.” Bruce growled a warning.
The man ignored him.
“As you know, we don’t exactly have to start this thing up all the way to take a peek at other universes. I got to say Bruce, your stuff works fast. It can almost keep up with me.” He turned around and gave a wink. “Almost.” He turned back before Bruce could say anything. “Anyway, I’ve had enough time to search through a few things and I think I found what I need….actually I’m almost certain I’ve found what I’m looking for. Nice world. Good world. Almost identical to ours. A few differences but, to be honest, it’s exactly those differences that made me choose this one.”
“Barry.” Bruce growled again but the man continued to ignore him and quite frankly that pissed him off. Bruce did not like being ignored.
Barry continued rambling in a way that sounded suspiciously like he was buying time.
“Minor differences really. I’m not exactly certain how those differences have affected this world but it’s still the best shot.”
“Barry we can’t do this.” Bruce said as he limped around Barry, back facing the portal that Flash was trying to start up.
“You’re right.” He sighed as the machine started to crackle. “We can’t do this, but you can.”
The way Barry was looking at him made Bruce very uncomfortable.
“Barry shut it down.” Bruce snarled.
“No.” Barry replied quietly with a shake of his head. “I really, really don’t expect you understand this but I don’t have enough time to try and make you understand it.”
“Barry we can’t bring other people, another world into this.” Bruce said and gave a yelp of surprise as Barry shoved him away from the console.
“I’m not.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he slipped the mask off. “This thing isn’t stable enough to stay open for long. One power surge, one use, and this thing is fried.”
Bruce took a cautious step back. What Barry was saying, how Barry was acting was starting to worry him.
“This is going to be a one way trip Bruce.” Grief threatened to choke his words. “And two living things can’t go through at the same time.”
The portal whirred to life behind him and an ice blue light filled up the room.
“Barry.” Bruce whispered. “Barry what are you doing?” He wasn’t quite sure why he asked. He was pretty sure he knew the answer.
“It has to be you Bruce.” He said as he stepped in front of Bruce and cut off his best escape route.
He wasn’t exactly capable of vaulting the railing at this moment and Barry knew that.
“If anyone deserves to live it’s you. I know you won’t, don’t, understand or agree. I hope one day you will.” A tear trailed down his face. “You have a rock solid set of morals. A line that you will not cross no matter what and you….you keep us all in line with that.”
He leaned down and pulled a large sea bag from beneath the console. Bruce hadn’t even seen it.
“That’s why it has to be you. The world is better with you in it and I know you don’t think that. It’s another reason. The way you talk, all that confidence, yeah it’s there but you’re humble in a way that we’re not. All this power can kinda go to our heads. You actually look for your own faults and you’re not afraid to point out anyone else’s.”
Bruce’s heart beat violently in his chest. Before he could open his mouth to tell Barry how very, very wrong he was the lights flared red and the system’s alarm rang out. Bruce couldn’t help the wince at how loud it was.
“He’s here! Listen to me Bruce, it has to be you!” Barry yelled over the noise. “This world is going to give you a chance that you don’t have here!”
“Barry don’t you dare!” Bruce thundered as his eyes darted back and forth, calculating his odds.
He knew he wasn’t fast enough, would never be fast enough, to get away from the Flash but right now he wasn’t even capable of trying.
“I’m so sorry!” Barry yelled before throwing the bag at him.
Bruce caught it out of reflex and didn’t have enough time to dodge the kick to his chest, cushioned by the bag, that sent him flying back and through the portal. The last thing he saw was Barry waving at him with a bittersweet smile before a red and blue blur slammed into him and he was gone.
Each time he went through a portal it felt different. They were all built differently. This one seemed to stretch all of the stars in the heavens into a horizontal band that pulled him forward by his chest and dear lord that hurt. Like he’d fallen onto a slide of solid ice that dipped and spun like the most fucked up roller coaster in the universe. It only lasted a few seconds before he slammed into cement and dust flew up around him. He coughed and groaned and choked back a scream of pain. Once everything stopped spinning and he had the time to think and get his mind in order he did scream.
He howled in rage and agony and grief in the way that only a broken man could. It echoed off the walls of the empty warehouse around him. He screamed and screamed and screamed until he began to understand that he could not be found like this. So weak, vulnerable, helpless. With his cowl shattered, and blood smeared across his suit. He had to get it together. It was getting harder to breathe. He needed to get out of this suit. His fingers felt numb as he fumbled with the clasps and switches needed to remove it. He grit his teeth and choked back another scream as he peeled off the ruined kevlar and metal piece by agonizing piece.
The only thing he kept was the cape. It had many uses and the one he needed now was a thermal blanket. He needed to keep himself from going into shock again. If he did that here, now, after everything that had happened, he would die. He would die if he didn’t get help soon. With his shaking hands and many injuries he knew he wasn’t capable of treating it all himself. He needed to drain the blood from his chest but he wasn’t stable enough to do that alone.
He rolled onto his hands and knees and vomited painfully before grabbing the bag Barry had thrown at him. He opened it and found a variety of supplies and gadgets that Batman commonly used. Plenty of weapons, medical supplies, and a spare suit that he’d somehow managed to jam in alongside everything else. It was mostly full of cash. A lot of cash. God, what did Barry do? Drain his bank account? There were stacks and stacks of hundred dollar bills. Well, at least he didn’t have to worry about that. He did need to find a place to stash Barry’s hastily packed go-bag. He pulled a set of civilian clothes out and painstakingly put them on. He took a batarang and cut through the clothes to mimic the cuts and slashes that littered his body. He didn’t have to try hard to get them just as filthy as the rest of him.
He needed a hospital and fast.
With great effort, he pushed himself to his feet and stumbled to the nearest window. He recognized the place. He was in Gotham. Barry dropped him into an abandoned warehouse in what had to be one of the worst places in Gotham. How was he going to get in and out of a hospital with the injuries that he had without raising alarms? Without people, doctors, asking a lot of questions? He had to figure that out later. He didn’t have time to waste. He grabbed one more handful of dirt and scrubbed it into his sweaty hair and took as deep a breath as he could before limping toward the door.
Once he made it out he squinted in the bright light of the sun. He blinked away the stars in his eyes and looked around. The place was a lot worse off than the Gotham he was used to. Hastily or completely unrepaired chaos and rubble. Like there just wasn’t enough of what was needed to patch the place up completely. The place had always been a wreck but it had been a little better than this. It was one of the more common places Gotham’s villains tended to frequent.
He groaned and cradled his useless arm to his chest as he stumbled onto the sidewalk. The streets were empty and he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing at the moment. He needed a hospital fast but he also didn’t need people seeing exactly where he had come from. He needed anonymity for as long as possible. The world began to blur and spin as the adrenaline slowly faded. He pulled his ragged cape tighter around himself as he grew cold and, with nothing to anchor him, started to slip back into shock. If he was lucky people would just think he’d gotten mugged or something. Just another victim of Gotham’s criminals. He just had to stay on his feet. He just needed to keep moving. That’s the only thing that filled his head.
“Stay on your feet Bruce. Stay on your feet. Stay on your feet if you want to live . ”
He felt a fingernail snap as he clawed at the wall to keep himself upright. He opened his mouth and began to gasp for breath. His feet started to drag as he began to lose his motor functions. He grew dizzy. He couldn’t breathe right. God, he couldn’t breathe. He just needed…..needed to….keep going.
“One more step.” He kept telling himself.
His mouth was dry. All he could taste was blood and dust. His ears continued to ring and the world began to grow fuzzy.
“Keep going Bruce. You have to keep going.”
But his legs were shaking and his hand was slipping off the wall as his world began to spin. He gagged and vomited onto the pavement. He leaned against the brick wall beside him as he tried so desperately not to fall forward. He barely heard someone scream as he wobbled and began to tip over despite his attempts to stay upright.
“Honey, call nine one one!” He heard the man’s voice like he was miles away.
He couldn’t help the violent recoil as someone grabbed his shoulders. The sudden motion threw off what little balance he had and whoever it was quickly grabbed him beneath the arms before he hit the pavement. It felt like all of his strength had left him in one fell swoop. He was lowered to the ground and faintly overheard someone else on the phone scrambling to give enough information to the person on the other end of the line. He could barely speak and he could only hope that these people would have the sense to relay it all to the dispatcher.
“Hemothorax.” He gasped.
“What?”
“H-hemothorax.” His voice was little more than a dying whisper. “Compression fracture, right ulna, radius. Spiral...fracture...r-right humerus. G-grade….three….c-concussion…..”
His chest rose and fell in short and quick breaths. He couldn’t take a full breath.
“P-probable…” He choked on the words trying to leave his throat.
“Buddy, buddy. Calm down okay. Try not to talk an ambulance is coming.”
“Prob..able….s-skull...f-fract-fracture.” His vision was beginning to tunnel, but he could hear the man on the phone repeating what he was saying.
Thank god because he couldn’t speak anymore. All he could do was just try and keep breathing.
“Keep breathing Bruce. Keep breathing. Just a little longer.”
He honestly wasn’t sure if he was going to last long enough for that ambulance. He had to hold on though. He wanted to live. By god, he wanted to live. He’d had worse injuries, but it was different this time. He didn’t have anyone to call. He didn’t have a single person to help him. Help him as Batman anyway. It took so much effort to breathe. Too much effort. He was sliding in and out of consciousness. The man above him kept telling him to just hold on and Bruce wanted to growl at how gentle his voice was and tell him to fuck offwith that. He wasn’t made of glass. Even if it did kind of feel that way right now. He heard the siren and saw the glaring lights before he slipped away entirely. He only hoped that he’d wake up this time.
He did wake up. It just took longer than he would have liked. He woke to a harsh combination of pain and noise. He blinked at the sudden light and sucked in a breath that he let out in a long hiss. He grit his teeth and worked to sit up. He looked out the doorway to see doctors and nurses running passed. The place was littered with screams and Bruce knew a catastrophe when he saw one. He wondered who it had been. What kind of villains did this Gotham have? Who was out there taking care of things? Taking care of his city? It was still his city he decided. It was Gotham. Dirty, dingy, riddled with crime and corruption and seemingly not enough funds to deal with it all, but he loved it all the same.
No one had noticed yet and he could thank the chaos for that. Especially seeing as how he seemed to be in the ICU. No surprise considering his condition when he’d first turned up. He looked around and began to access his situation. There was a cast on his arm and he was littered with bandages. Of course he had no clothes, wrapped in one of those awful cheap paper gowns. It should be easy enough to steal a pair of scrubs. It wouldn’t be out of the question for a nurse to have a cast. Getting out should be simple enough. After all, he’d managed to escape from the watchtower infirmary on multiple occasions while various superhuman beings actively tried to keep him there.
He needed to act fast though. He quickly leaned up and unplugged the heart monitor to avoid setting off the alarm and having this turn into a code blue and sending people running to his room. He disconnected himself from the cables and wires before pulling the IV from his arm. He could feel various stitches pulling at his flesh and he winced briefly. He stood and pulled the curtain to cover anyone’s view of the bed. After that it was more routine than anything else. He made his way to the bathroom to get a look at himself. He’d been out long enough that the bruises on his face were almost imperceptible. That was good. As long as he got himself into the right clothes he could probably just walk right out the front door. It was actually a lot easier to escape a hospital than people might think and even if he was caught they couldn’t legally keep him here against his will. He’d just sign out AMA. He had several personas that he could use to bullshit his way out of this situation. The most they could do was keep him until they got him some proper clothes, but that was more time than he was comfortable with.
He didn’t know exactly how this world worked. He didn’t know the differences and Barry had said there were differences. Was there a Batman in this world? Was there another version of him? No, he quickly corrected himself. From the way Barry had been talking Batman didn’t exist here. He’d like to have that faith in Barry anyway but he didn’t want to take any chances.
It was easy enough to slip into what he needed. Someone had even left a pair of absolutely hideous crocs in one of the cabinets. As much as it pained him, he put them on. Seriously who thought that these monstrosities were a good fashion choice? He was going to burn them once he had the opportunity. He’d consider it as doing their owner a favor. He wouldn’t wish these on his worst enemy. That always was one of his faults. He had a very particular fashion sense and he did not mind being vocal about it. He’d once been told that it was one of the few “rich bitch” mentalities that he had.
He removed any visible bandages and took a deep breath before stepping out into the hallways. He made sure to keep his head down and turned away from any cameras he caught sight of. Better safe than sorry. If ever there was a time to be paranoid, it was now and, according to everyone he knew, he was pretty good at being paranoid. Yeah…..knew. The thought made him pause for a moment. He quickly shook his head and kept walking. He stepped to the side, knocked into a nurse, and snatched the photoless ID badge off his shirt just in case someone decided to take a closer look.
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” He scrambled, hands up in an apologetic gesture.
The man hardly slowed down and Bruce gave a small smirk. Within a few minutes of weaving his way through the halls he was in sight of the doors and that is when his plan went awry.
“Hey! Hey you!”
Bruce stiffened. Oh, he’d really rather avoid having to do this.
“Did you hear me?! I need you to get this kid out of the hallway. Take her to observation room two. Now!”
This was a much better scenario than what he’d been thinking. He spun around with a nod and walked over. He grabbed the bed and began to wheel the kid out. His brows creased as he looked down at her. She didn’t look….there was something about the way she was moving, how she was breathing. He looked behind him for a moment before grabbing the girl’s file and flipping through it. He could read a great deal faster than was considered normal. It was useful.
“Hey there kiddo, how you doing?” He asked with as bright a smile as he could manage through his own pain.
“My chest hurts.” She whimpered as she shifted on the bed.
“Yeah? Does it hurt when you breathe?” He asked as he held up her x-ray to the light.
“Yes.”
“What’s your name?”
“Hannah.”
“You just hang on there Hannah. You’re gonna be okay.” He waved down a couple of people exiting an elevator in front of him. “Hey! Hold that elevator!”
He slipped in without so much as turning a head and, once the doors were closed, he moved over to check her pupils.
“My chest hurts.” She said again and Bruce winced in sympathy. His hurt too.
“Yeah? Where’s your mom? Can you tell me where she is?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is she at home?”
“She’s with my brother.” Hannah rasped.
“Your brother? They downstairs?”
“I don’t know.”
As they rode the elevator he opened her file again and made a few hasty scribbles.
“That’s okay. We’ll get ahold of her for you.” There was a ding as the doors opened and he grabbed the head of the bed to wheel her out. “Hold on there kiddo.”
He moved down the hallway as fast as he dared. It was a short journey to their destination. He called out to a nurse before she went through the doors of the OR.
“Hey!” He quickly handed her the open file. “They, uh, they sent this one from downstairs.”
She opened the file and read it briefly before turning and shouting at one of her co-workers.
“Daniel. Get this one into room four, stat. Thomas already has that one ready.” She said as she pulled the kid away from Bruce.
“Bye-bye Hannah.” He said softly before the doors shut and he was left alone in the hallway.
“God,” He rolled his eyes as he moved back to the elevator. “What kind of doctors do they have here?”
What was mostly needed for a good old fashioned hospital escape was confidence and it was good that he had it in spades. It would seem that it was even better that he knew what he was doing medically. He’d had enough experience and training. It was easy enough after that to just slip out the doors. Once he was out of sight he leaned against the brick wall of the building and sucked in a pained breath. He knew he couldn’t keep this up for long. He needed to get back to that bag. Where was he? He peeked back around the corner. Gotham general, of course. Damn, he didn’t have a cent on him. No chance of a bus or cab ride. It was going to be a long walk. He could do this. He could do this.
It felt like forever before he made it back to the warehouse where he’d stashed the bag. He opened it again and changed into a different set of clothes. He reached back and grabbed a vial of morphine, thank you Barry, and gave himself the smallest dose necessary for him to be fully functional. He was already sweating and he was certain he had gone pale by this point. It really was a good thing he had such a high pain tolerance. One that had been trained into him sure, but it was there none the less.
He made his way to the nearest motel, a seedy and run down thing but he needed a bed. He needed to lie down before he fell down. He flashed a friendly grin to the employee at the front desk as he requested a room. The person was less than friendly but Bruce really didn’t care. He was probably going to be living out of this place for a bit while he figured out his options. The man nearly forgot to give him the wifi password and Bruce was infinitely thankful for the fact that these people were not, in fact, savages.
The moment he got through the door he dropped the bag with a loud thud. He locked the door and sat down on the bed. Finally he let himself run back over everything that happened. Once he was safe and set up it all came rushing back and he didn’t know how long he spent staring at the horrid carpet but by the time he looked away it was dark out. Suddenly, now that there was no longer anything else for his mind to focus on, it all became too much. He’d quite literally lost everything. He wanted to be mad at Barry. He really did, but just couldn’t find it in him. Barry had been right. Bruce didn’t understand. He really didn’t understand. Of all people to save why did it have to be him? Had this really been the only option left? Escape? Had there really been nothing else that could be done?
God, he’d just left. Gone and left an entire universe because he failed. It was his mistake, his inability to follow through on his own plans, that had led to all of that. He’d gone and let the world burn. He couldn’t even risk trying to go back. It was too dangerous. Even the smallest chance that that fight could bleed into this world was too much. No, he was stuck here. Helpless. Hopeless. The killer of an entire world.
His head fell into his hands and he cried. He decided then that he would do whatever it took to keep that from happening here.