Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

His was beaming with excitement when he finally was getting picked up for his first fashion show by one of his favorite designers. When he had gotten the invitation he had never imagined getting there, making all of this a reality he had never dreamed about. This was just like how it played out in the movies, those really weird ones were the main character gets whatever he wished for so suddenly that he doesn't know what to do, how to act and sadly, mostly gets into pretty embarrassing situations. Intak hoped that that part wouldn't come true for him tonight.

"I still don´t get why you are the only one who had been invited. I love designer Yong too. But whatever. Call if anything happens. We are just going to be in the studio trying to get the last song done, ok?", Keeho offered, sensing the nervousness oozing off of his younger friend who was repeatedly looking at the mirror, checking over his outfit. He had gotten a few options by their stylists and he had wanted to pimp it up, make it worth being shown at the fashion show.

"Thanks. But I don't think I will need it. I will be pretty late home tonight too. When I get to hang out with one of my favorite designers. Can you believe it that it I am going to see Designer Yong's fashion show? That is so insane. After everything he accomplished he still invited someone like me to his fashion show", he teased Keeho who had been whining about not being invited for way too long. Actually, Intak would have preferred having Keeho with him. The older had a cheerful vibe that made everyone instantly like him. Intak on the other hand could be a little more awkward with people he didn´t know. But he wouldn´t tell Keeho that right now.

Instead he let his jittering fingers move over his already styled hair, trying to make it look a little more flawless than it already did. He wanted to impress the designer, one of his dearest role models. Or at least he didn't want to disappoint him when he had invited him after hearing how big of a fan Intak truly was. He still wasn't able to believe it had all played out this way. This was a once in a lifetime chance.

"Yeah, sure. Snap a few pictures for me to commemorate the short wave he will send your way. And don't go out for too long. We have a busy schedule coming ahead. It is just about six weeks now until the next album drops", Keeho reminded him, determined but still with a sweet tembor to his voice. Despite their bickering and his own slight disappointment of not being invited himself, he wanted the younger to enjoy this experience. It could be once in a lifetime so he wasn´t one to hold his team mate back.

"Sure, don't worry. I'm an adult now", Intak prided himself on that. Finally, finally he was no longer underage. He was an adult. With a playful side still in him, but legally an adult nonetheless.

"Barely, barely an adult so don't get ahead of yourself. And don't drink too much, ok?", Keeho continued on, making an exhausted whine come out of Intak's mouth.

"I get it. I'm going to be careful. So don't worry and get back to work before the others can finish the song without you"

"Fine. See you tomorrow and have fun", Keeho said before smiling at the younger who seemed so grown now in his outfit, with his hair styled like he was meant to go on the runway himself and bewitch whoever was getting the opportunity to watch him majestically glide over the floors, the same way he did when dancing.

"Thanks", Intak said, smiling brightly at Keeho, before looking for the last time at the mirror and checking himself over. He was on his way to his best experience ever. He just knew.

His hands were a little sweaty while he was getting brought to the event area, taking way too long to drive to the outskirts of Seoul. It was an old industriel factory, with high walls and probably even higher prices for a drink. The rough exterior of the building was a perfect contrast to the lavishly looking interior design, screaming of money and power. Somehow it made his gut feeling turn from nervous to mostly uncomfortable. Sure, when they had been on tour, they had stayed at fancy looking hotels but they didn't seem to be a match to how this was looking. Even with the carefully picked out outfit he felt out of place and dramatically underdressed for the occasion.

"Intak-ssi?", a woman asked when he was just standing in the waiting area, surrounded by other people talking with each other and sharing whatever gossip there was to spread.

"Yes?", he asked, thankful to get the opportunity to have someone come up to him. Someone who wasn't much older or stuck deeply in conversations with other people.

"I am Bok Eunjin. I am designer Yong's 2nd assistant. He asked me to escort you to your place before the show. It is near the front of the runway"

"Thank you", Intak just answered, unsure of what he was supposed to say to the woman in her early thirties, looking just as much glammed up as he did.

She walked ahead, guiding him to his place, next to a woman who was busily scribbling down notes on her phone.

"Hello", he said and bowed down quickly before he sat down next to her. She barely lifted her eyes as she reciprocated the greetings.

He wondered what she was so busily writing down when she finally let her fingers rest and looked up at him, scanning over the outfit and staying for a while on his face, as if to see behind his skin and figure out everything she could with one look.

"You seem familiar. Are you a model too?", she asked, voice sounding a little less interested than the choice of her words would have suggested. She had picked up her pen once more to write, only sparing Intak a few glances from time to time.

"No. But I am still in the Entertainment industry", he spoke, unsure of how much he should say.

"Oh really?", she suddenly got a little more interested, turning slightly more towards him, revealing in the process the press pass around her neck. Intak nodded, afraid of saying something wrong. If she was a journalist, he needed to be careful with what he said and how he did.

"In what field? You look like an actor. You are tall and handsome and young", she spoke, letting her eyes move over him clearly checking him out now. He was used to it but it still gave him a weird feeling when it happened. She was older than him by a couple of years but he was an adult now. So he shouldn't find it weird. Not in the slightest.

"No. I am an idol, just turned 20", he spoke softly, trying not to disturb the conversations next to them as well as not disclose this information to too many people.

"Wow. You have the looks for that", she said before turning back around and focusing back on her work. Intak took a deep breath. He was used to getting complimented on his looks, it was a base necessity to look pretty when you wanted to be an idol but it still bugged him a little. Too many people were using it to discredit talent and hard work, making him question how much he truly deserved what success they had.

"I am back. I hope you weren't too bored", another voice suddenly spoke up, a woman nearing them that looked the exact same as the one already sitting next to Intak.

"I had company and enough work to do. There are so many interesting people around that told me stories that could be fitting for another exclusive", the first woman spoke while still letting her hand grace over the phone in her hand.

"Hello, I am Han Donghee", the other woman introduced herself with a short bow when she looked at the "company" her twin sister was talking about.

"I am sorry about the behaviour of my sister. Yaehee is always searching for the next big story. I hope she didn't bother you too much", she continued on, cementing what the pass around the other sisters neck had already told Intak.

"No, not at all", Intak said, politely bowing a little.

"Why do you only ask him? You never look out for me", Yaehee accused her twin sister and bit back her tongue as if she had poked right into a nest of wasps. Donghee seemed hurt for a second before she continued on their banter.

"Because I know you would just get up and leave. You always do this without saying a word once you think you found a story to write about"

"As if you weren't the same. Were you able to get everything done? You weren't seen, right?", Donghee's sister Yaehee asked, looking at the younger of the two who had taken a seat next to her. Intak was now barely able to see her but his ears were still focused on listening in on their conversation. It wasn't much else to do before the show anyway.

"I tried my best but it is pretty hard. I still want to throw up thinking about it. But I need to get this clear and I found a pretty good spot for that, I think"

"Well, whatever you find out has the potential of being a great story in the end. It might even throw the master, king Yong of his throne with a single punch", Yaehee smiled, a sight Intak hadn't seen from her before.

"It is more than just a story. It is about justice", Donghee mumbled, her eyes getting glazed over by memories she was still in the process of working through but she hoped getting justice for others would help her get justice for herself too.

"Justice? Nothing that can be done to them would make it better. They would need to be buried to not be able to hurt anyone anymore", Yaehee spoke, malice dripping off her tongue, making Intak wonder what exactly they were talking about. This seemed rather serious and it made him feel even more out of place. He hadn´t been confronted with something so dark yet. He had grown up in a household where everything dark was kept away from them and even now it seemed unreal when he heard about murder cases and stuff like that through the news. This wasn't something that was supposed to happen. At least not in his world.

The chairs around the massive runway filled up more and more in the next couple of minutes, showing the start of the show was soon to be had. They all looked like he had imagined people who were keen on fashion looked. And he wanted to fit in. This was one of his passions after all, besides dancing of course.

So when the show finally started, it felt amazing seeing all those creations he had always just seen through a screen, right in front of his eyes. One after the other walking by him, shining like the millions of dreams they were supposed to represent. Intak felt like he was in paradise for the twenty minutes one creation after the other was shown on the runway.

And when the designer of them, one of the stars of the korean fashion scene Yong Sooyoon was walking right in front of him, he felt kind of star struck. This was what he had dreamed about when he first got the invitation for the show. And it even got better when the designer looked at him, waved at him and welcomed him right when the show had ended.

He had long forgotten the twins next to him or the photo Keeho talked about when the designer stepped next to him, a smile stuck on his lips as he received praise from everyone around them.

"I am glad you could make it. Now enjoy yourself at the afterparty", he quickly spoke to the young idol, before taken backstage by another male assistant Intak didn't know the name of. Nonetheless, he felt beyond honoured that the designer himself, the living legend, had talked to him. If he wouldn't feel even more out of place by doing it he would just smile from ear to ear, showing everyone how happy he was. But with the chic look a lot of the guests and he himself were sporting, it wouldn't work well. So in honour of his outfit he decided to just hop along to the bar on the other end of the massiv open room. He needed a glas of water to cool down.

"A glas of water please", he asked politely when the barkeeper looked confusedly at him.

"Sorry, we don't have that. I could give you a soft drink", he offered. Intak's mind instantly went to the amount of liquid calories he would intake with those but this was a day of celebration so he just nodded and pushed that thought back in his mind. He shouldn't ruin this amazing day for himself. No, he had other people to do that for him. But he didn't know that. He didn't know what was awaiting him as he happily drank the soft drink, letting the sweetness coat his tongue and give him a false sense of security. In the darkness the tiger was ready to pounce. He just didn't know it yet.

Chapter Text

He felt just weird. He didn't know how he could verbally explain it to anyone other than saying he felt weird. He was really hyped up, emotionally all over the place while inside he felt the rising panic that wanted to break through this happy spell that held him down. This wasn't supposed to be like this. He drank the rest of the soft drink, hoping that hydration would help with getting a sense of reality back into his body and mind and he shook his head trying to get rid of some of the fog that seemed to have solidified in front of his eyes. Even though he wasn't sure if that was even a thing.

"Wow, you are pretty drunk already, aren't you?", one of the twins asked, he wasn't able to separate them. He hadn't been able to do it before he drank this killer drink, cosplaying as a simple soft drink, and now he wasn't even sure if he would be able to separate his younger brother from his father. He seriously needed to get out of here before he could create a scandal for himself.

"Hey, are you fine?", the voice asked again, looking at the idol who seemed lost, maybe drunk but Han Donghee wasn't able to notice any biting smell from him so she wasn't too sure it was really alcohol. Although he had seemed happy and bubbly the last ten minutes she had tried to oversee all the party guests. Maybe he was just a light weight and it had quickly turned him like this. Considering he seemed pretty young, she didn´t doubt that could be the case. But still, drunk or not, she wanted for him to get back home safely. Preferably before he was able to drink more or barf out anything that was upsetting his body.

"Should I call someone to get you?", she asked looking at him he couldn't be much older than 20, maybe 21, 22 but not older than that even if he was pretty large.

"Yes. yeah.. there is.. there must be... my phone somewhere", Intak mumbled, trying hard to just say what he wanted. But forming logical sentences and being able to say them out loud was an almost impossible task at the moment.

"Your phone?", she asked, looking for something he could have placed it in. When she wanted to turn around and ask for help, Intak almost dropped to the ground, his limbs as heavy and lethargic as his thoughts. He felt incredibly helpless and defenseless, hoping to have found a nice person that would help him.

"Woah. Are you ok? Should we call an ambulance?", she asked, a little freaked out by this whole ordeal. She became doubtful of her first instinct to think of this as some drunk young adult. With every minute seeing how his condition worsened without any indication why it happened, made her more sure of that. He was acting strange.

"No..no.. my phone", Intak continued mumbling, while he tried his best not to slump down all together on the floor. This was embarrassing enough. He didn't need an ambulance being called for him, the barely legal idol, to top the night off. No, that would be horrible. He would never be able to look Keeho in the eyes.

"Ok, ok. Where is it?", she asked, trying her best to help the young guy who seemed completely lost.

Intak tried to remember as the words began sinking in. He tried to remember where he had put his phone. He was sure he had taken it with himself to the show but where had he put it? Despite trying everything he could, the answer just didn't seem to want to present itself to him.

"I...don't know", he spoke, words slurring together even more.

"Ok. Do you have a number I can call?", she asked sweetly doing her best while around them the party seemed to be going on just fine. Nobody noticed or seemed to care about what happened between the two of them.

Intak shook his head, his mind too hazy to remember anything at this point.

"You are still here?", a voice suddenly called out behind them, the other twin walking briskly towards them.

"Yeah, I think we need to call an ambulance for him. I think there must have been something in his drink. Look at him", Donghee whispered towards her older sister who looked towards the young idol who seemed to be barely conscious at this point.

"What the hell", she mumbled before looking around, searching for someone before she locked eyes with them.

"I get him help. Stay with him until I come back, ok?"

She didn't wait for Donghee to answer before she was off into the crowd once more. The younger of the two leaned down towards the young male, looking closely at his face, trying to remember why he seemed so familiar. She couldn't though before her sister came back with two guys next to her, picking the idol up and getting him backstage.

"Are you going to call an ambulance or something?", Donghee asked, nervousness still gnawing at her insides.

"They have a medical professional that will take a look at him backstage. Don't worry. You can go back and write your article about the great new fashion finds presented in this fashion show", Yaehee spoke before following the two guys who were carrying Intak. Donghee followed them leave through the crowd, a bad feeling gnawing on her insides. So she decided to watch over the other people partying right now, looking out for other females.

"Thank you, Yaehee. Please don't write about that. I don't think it would be good for an idol", Bok Eunjin spoke as Yaehee came to a stop next to the two bulky guys in the backstage area.

"An Idol? Right, I remember him saying that", her voice barely being able to outscream the club music blasting through the speakers.

"Hwang Intak, P1Harmony. More or less still rookies so I think they would appreciate you not writing about it", Bok Eunjin told her smiling apologetically.

"I don't think it would be a good story either. Sure, going partying is not seen as such a noble thing when you are an idol but I don't think too many people would actually care"

"Right. No one should care about stuff like that. He is legal after all and just totally wasted", she spoke, a grin growing looking at the idol.

"Don't think so. He doesn't smell like it", Yaehee wondered what this was about, afraid her sister´s words were true. But why would someone drug him? That didn´t make sense. But that left only one other option.

"Do you mean he did drugs? At our show? Yaehee, are you serious? No, no way"

"It would be the only conclusion I have. They don't smell. You wouldn't know. Maybe he did"

"Wait", Bok Eunjin said, walking over to the idol who had been put down on a bench, mostly out of it, unable to fully open his eyes or engage in anything happening around him.

Her fingers quickly went over his pockets, roaming over his body while she pulled out a small plastic package with little white powder in it. She stopped. Fully stopped her movement, trying to make it a little more obvious than necessary to get Yaehee's attention fully on her.

"Found something?", the young journalist asked, while inching a little closer, wanting to get a good look at it.

"No, not really", Bok Eunjin quickly declared, trying her best to get her acting skills out and sound the least convincing she could. She just needed to get Yaehee's attention while seeming like she was just a bad liar. Tentatively but determinedly moving towards her goal.

"You are lying. You are really bad at acting, you know that, unnie?", Yaehee fell for it, moving closer to them and stopping next her and looking down at the small plastic bag.

"He did drugs?", she asked totally frozen. She hadn't expected it. Not with how the young guy had acted until this point. She had always prided herself on being good at reading people but maybe she became a little too confident in that assumption. After all, you made the most mistakes, when you were overly confident and loosing focus.

"I can't not write about this. You know it, unnie. This is a scandal in the making", she spoke, already reaching for her phone to snap a picture, feeling a little guilty to do so. But she knew that this was a story worth writing about and he needed to learn a lesson. He was an idol. He should have known not to do this shit. And she wondered what he lied about apart from this. Did he do other illegal stuff? Should she get more into it, investigate further to save his fans from falling for a guy like him? After all, the burning sun scandal was still way to prominent in her mind. What if he would be the next idol to do something like this?

Her mind instantly drifted off to dark places. She couldn't let it get that far. She needed to stop him before he could hurt someone. She wasn't going to watch someone get hurt again. Never. Not after what that crazy idol had done to Donghee. No, she forbid herself from thinking about that right now. She just got right into action, getting her phone out to take pictures, getting Bok Eunjin on them as well. But she didn't care. She could always censor her face. But this needed to be done.

Blood was boiling up inside her veins, making her unable to notice what was really going on at the moment. Blinded by rage and incredible guilt that had festered in her heart, she just continued on, taking pictures until she bid goodbye and ran off to write the exclusive article, promising to not expose her long time friend.

"Don't worry, unnie. Nothing is going to happen to you", she spoke before she was long gone in the crowd, leaving Intak in the same situation she had meant to prevent.

"Ok, get him to the room", Bok Eunjin turned around to the two bulky guys, pointing at the door to the room she had prepared for tonight with exactly this goal in mind.

When she got inside, Namgung Young and Yong Sooyoon were already waiting inside. Excitedly looking forward to their little ordeal.

"Thank you, Eunjin. Do you want to join us?", Yong Sooyoon asked as he watched the confused boy getting put down on the massive couch. Intak wasn´t able to comprehend anything any longer. He felt he wasn´t even alive anymore. This must be a dream.

"No, thank you. I leave your fun part up to you. I already had my fun", she spoke before wanting to leave but turning around once more.

"Wait, we need to take a picture first", she said, before laying down next to Intak, draping his arm over her body and snuggling real close up to him, before snapping a few pictures, just in case she wanted to have a little more fun.

"Finished?", the designer asked as he was now getting a little less patient. With the boy he had been waiting for finally in his clutches, he didn't want to wait any longer.

"Sure, do whatever you want. But please don't hurt his pretty face. We might need that still", she spoke, as she climbed off the couch, storing her phone back in her pants.

"For what? You still want to play with him after this?", Namgung Young asked confused. He wasn't the brightest as Bok Eunjin noticed time and time again.

"I make sure this special time stays private and leaves the door open for a future session. Got it? When I think about it, maybe this isn't enough. Call me back in when you stripped him. Pictures with clothes on, even if a girl is on it, isn't as good as the ones that are way more incriminating, way more personal, way more scandalous", she spoke with a crackle escaping her lips.

"You are purely evil", Namgung Young breathed out, seemingly shocked by the idea, which amused Eunjin even further.

"You just got that? Now get to work before we loose more time. Sweet little boy will want to get home in a few hours because the stuff is going to kill him. He will need a little baby sleep", she continued on.

"Did you give him the hard stuff?", the designer asked but Eunjin quickly shook her head.

"I didn't need to. He was out like that just be a few drops of the less potent stuff. He is barely legal, remember. He doesn't seem to have much experience with any kind of drugs, be it alcohol or other stuff. He would have known otherwise. Now get to it", she ordered again, stepping outside for a minute to let the boys get a first taste of their afterparty meal for this show. A tradition. Eunjin wasn't sure if it was such a great tradition to have. But a tradition nonetheless. And traditions were meant to be cherished.

Chapter Text

Intak felt the hands all over his body, ripping at his clothing, prying it away from his lean form that uselessly lay motionlessly on the couch. He wanted to push the two away as they were taking his previously carefully picked out outfit of, he wanted to get away, back to the dorm, back to his members. At the thought of them he just wanted to cry. He needed a hug. Desperately.

"He lacks a bit of muscle. I expected a little more from a dancer like him", one of them spoke, while his bare fingers were gliding over Intak's chest, making him want to crawl away or better just spit in his face. Anything really to get this to stop.

"Thought so too but I guess we just have to work with what he is providing us with. At least he has a pretty face", the other said, letting his hand rest on Intak's cheek, inching closer to his lips before gently outlining them with one of his fingers.

"Pretty", he mumbled once more, before leaning closer to get a kiss from the idol who just let his head fall to the other side before the man could do what he wanted to. He couldn't really fight back, his body unable to do anything helpful so he just needed to do his best to passively help himself and let the gravity do most of the work his body was unable to at the moment.

"He doesn't want it", the first guy spoke, laughing at the failed attempt of the other.

"Because he doesn't recognise me. Hey, sweetie, Intak, don't you recognise my face? Did you have too much to drink? I am your favorite designer? Don't you remember how happy you were after the show when I talked to you?", he whispered softly, leaning closely to the idol to make him not only hear his words but feel the proximity of their bodies. As if that was needed in the first place.

Intak wanted to say something in return, speak out how much he resented the man in front of him, how he had never expected this to occur. He could be quite naive but no one would have expected this, right? He wasn't just too dumb to recognise what was going on, right? The others, the company would have never let him go here if they had any suspicion in the first place. No, this was too sudden. This was something no one had expected.

"Hey, listen to me. Don't drift off. The music is playing right in front of your face", the designer spoke slightly annoyed by how everything turned out. Intak was too far gone. The drugs they had given him too strong for him to fight against them any longer.

"She might have given him too much. Look at him, he is barely conscious when he should be fine", the other said, noting the glazed over look in Intak's eyes.

"Well, she probably thought he would have more muscles. That would have helped but now. Well, we have to do with what we do. Now, let's get him ready for the photos so we can finally continue on to the highlight of the evening", they said before doing exactly that. By this point Intak had lost the connection to this world. He was floating in space, unable to notice anything but the pain, the pain that ripped through the endless nothingness that was his existence at the moment. He didn't remember if he cried, if he screamed, if he begged them to stop hurting him. He just remembered that the evening hadn't turned out the way he thought, how he previously hoped it would.

It was almost lunch when he came back to his senses, noticing that he was in his bed, laying under multiple layers of plain blankets he wasn't able to recognise. He still felt weird, sporting a heavy headache that seemed to be bouncing wildly inside his head while his body was just sluggish when he tried to move it slightly.

"Ah", he left out a pained gasp as he tried to turn a little more and noticed the pain, the incomprehensible pain that tore him apart, making him unwilling to ever move again. He couldn't if it was this painful. So he just stayed there, his thoughts still fuzzy while he tried his best to remain calm even as the burning question of what the hell happened, rose up more and more.

"You are awake", someone suddenly said, way too loud for his liking. He scrunched up his nose and closed his eyes to minimize the effect the loud voice had on him.

"Wow, you were totally drunk, weren't you? Didn't Keeho tell you to not drink too much?", the voice spoke once more, and he was finally able to recognise the voice as Taeyang's. His hyung looking worriedly down on the younger, though a smile was tucking at his lips. Intak was sure that a joke was just waiting to be spilled. But despite how much he usually liked his jokes, he couldn't bring himself to look forward to it. Not now. So he intervened before it came to it.

"Where is Keeho?", he asked, voice barely recogniseable and both of them were just slightly taken aback by the low volume in which Intak spoke. So his voice had gone away too, great, he thought to himself, wanting even more to see his leader and get lost in the older's embrace. He was so confused and needed a guiding hand.

"Management called about two hours ago. Seemed to be serious so he went to the company to talk to them. Asked me to take care of our hung over baby in his stead. I don't even know why. He knows I am not really good at doing this", he elaborated a little before sitting down on the bed and looking at his younger friend. He looked so different. Taeyang wasn't able to pinpoint what exactly it was but there was something that rubbed him the wrong way. But he didn't say anything about it, just resorted to asking if he needed medicine or water to get over the headache and getting him just that in the end.

"You should have been more careful. We have to be back at the company tomorrow", Taeyang spoke softly after offering the medicine and water to Intak who was unsure if he would be able to get himself up enough to not spill anything.

"I don't remember drinking that much. Actually, I don't remember drinking at all", Intak mumbled, unsure if his memory was indeed correct. No, it must be true. He wasn't hung over. He couldn't be. But everything was just black when he tried to remember anything that happened after the show.

"Well, that is the point, isn't it. You drank so much that you can't even remember it. When the manager brought you home last night, you looked absolutely wasted, like you see in the movies. Your clothes were all crumbled up and you didn't seem anything like the sweet boy who left just a few hours prior", Taeyang explained, grinning a little at the image he had in mind. The boys had gotten grown. It was weird seeing the younger like this but he guessed that was just how things developed when they were getting older.

"I get it. But don't do it again. Keeho was really afraid something happened to you. He was hovering around you all night, trying his best to make you comfortable but you wouldn't let him touch you. You basically screamed at him to stop when he wanted to change your outfit. So he just put all the blankets he could find on top of you to make you feel comfortable. But I don't think the stylists are going to be very grateful for you sleeping in the clothes. Well, whatever, as long as you are fine", Taeyang explained shrugging his shoulders, while shedding a smidgen of light on a part of the night Intak had no memory of. But the last sentence sounded just as much like a question as it did like a statement, making Intak still hovering in the unknown. Was he fine? He didn't feel like it. Neither physically nor emotionally. He did not at all feel fine. But he didn't know how to address that. When he had really just had too many drinks than he should consider this as his rightful punishment for that decision. And any other option was just not plausible for him at the moment.

"Hey? Are you fine? Is the medicine working already?", Taeyang spoke, his fingers wanting to lay on Intak's forehead to see if he might have caught something else, but he quickly recoiled as Intak jumped away from his touch, groaning in the process because of the pain he submitted himself to by moving. But he didn't want to be touched. Well, he didn't know that but something inside of him told him he shouldn't let anyone touch him. Even if that was the cool guy he very much adored at any other given moment who was sitting in front of him, smiling while a confused look was casted onto his features.

"Are you sure, you are fine?", he asked once more and Intak couldn't remember ever stating that. Wasn't that just something everyone else assumed that he was fine. That answer was not nearly enough to describe the complexity of emotions he felt inside of him.

"I don't... Hyung", he spoke, noticing how tears had welled up in his eyes, slowly dripping down his cheeks. He was just as confused by that action as the boy sitting in front of him.

"What happened, Intak?", Taeyang asked but the other couldn't answer. Didn't know what to really. And he thankfully didn't need to as Keeho came in at that moment to join them, forehead creased up in worry and heavy eyebags that documented the restless night he had spent beside the younger boys' bed.

"Hyung", Intak mumbled looking at his leader he admired so much. He always felt comfortable in Keeho's presence. There was just something about the older that was like nothing else. But right now, he wasn't sure if that statement still stood. There was more to Keeho's presence that stood out at the moment, there was more than just pure exhaustion. Worry? Anger? Confusion? Intak wasn't too sure but he willed himself to wait. Keeho always seemed to have an answer so he wouldn't doubt him right now. He couldn't. He needed his leaders guidance to figure the things out.

"How are you?", the leader asked while slowly sitting down next to Taeyang on the bed.

"I don't know. Everything hurts and I am just so confused. I don't remember anything, hyung. I don't know what happened", he spoke, his voice sounding better than when he had first tried speaking but it was still rough, still like he had sung or rapped throughout the whole night. He didn't think he did but he couldn't be too confident in his own memories right now.

Keeho nodded, slowly thinking about how he should approach this conversation. His thoughts had swirled around that the whole ride back to the dorm but he hadn't made a final conclusion. He couldn't think of a way to break this down in a nice way. In a way that wouldn't completely destroy his younger friend. He didn't believe the story for one second. But it was everywhere. So many media outlets had already written articles about it, made theories and assumptions about him, about them all. And he knew that the police would sooner or later want to have a talk with him about it. What they were referring to was illegal. It was so unlike Intak but nobody outside of the people that knew how he was, would believe that. The proof was too clear, to unavoidable. They would kick him out of the group rather sooner than later. They had already insinuated that to him. Such a scandal could do the worst things to an relatively unknown group.

"Did you just drink too much yesterday?", he finally brought himself to speak even if just a few words.

"I don't remember drinking, Hyung", Intak said, confused about what his dearly respected Hyung was referring to.

"What is this about, Keeho?", Taeyang asked head on, not wanting to drag this out. He sensed something was seriously wrong. Not just with Intak but with this whole situation and now Keeho acting all weirdly, made him incredibly nervous.

"There are pictures. Bad pictures about Intak. They company is talking about how they want to deal with it but it is difficult. They want you to talk to the authorities today, give a sample of urin to test it", Keeho began spitting out all the random facts that were engraved in his mind since the company had talked to him about it.

"What? Sample? What is going on?", Intak asked, his mind unable to register the information given to him, still lacking behind.

"They think he did drugs? What? Why would they think that?", Taeyang asked, completely repelled by the thought.

"Because there are photos that highly suggest that. We need to deal with this, ok Intak? I will be by your side throughout. Don't worry. We will get to the bottom of this. I will not leave you behind. Promise", Keeho spoke, hoping that his words were going to be coming true. No, he needed them to come true because he couldn't stand the idea of loosing a member. No, that was never going to happen. Not on his watch. And definitely not under those circumstances.

Chapter Text

It had hurt so much to get out of bed, his whole body screaming at him to stop. But he needed to do whatever Keeho asked him to. This was bad enough and he was incredibly greatful that his leader wanted to help him so he needed to do this. He needed to do everything you could to figure this out.

So he did his best to do everything Keeho asked him to. He quickly got changed, ignoring the pain and the suspiciously dark bruises covering almost every part of his body, while his mind was in constant panic mode. If it was as bad as Keeho said, he knew that this could be the end of his short lived career as an idol and he didn't want that. The thought of that alone made him want to cry out. This was not how it was supposed to be. This hadn´t been his plan or even on his mind when he went to the show yesterday.

They had gone to the company, got blood and urine samples without talking much. Neither of them able to find a topic worth talking about in the face of this crisis. Keeho wanted to encourage the younger but he didn´t know what to say to do so resulting in him just keeping quiet throughout the whole process. After that they just went back home, already late into the night.

"We just have to wait for the results to come back. But until then, I don't think I need to tell you that you are going to stay in the dorm, don't show your face outside or online, ok?", the manager talked to Intak, while said boy looked outside the window, the world moving fast in front of his eyes, drifting away just like all hopes and dreams inside of him seemed to do.

"When it comes back negative, his contract won't be terminated, right?", Keeho asked tentatively, his voice strained from all the tension. He didn't believe it. Not for one second would he believe that Intak was supposed to have taken illegal substances. Not him. Never him. The photo have been edited or something must have happened that had led to this. Maybe Intak had too much to drink and some random woman just snatched him to take a photo like this. Maybe someone planned this to attack them as a whole. It was all rather unlike just the same as the possibility of Intak taking drugs.

"We don't know that yet. Depends on how the public responds. If they don't want him here anymore, there is not much we can do. We can wait it out for a few weeks but we can't stop your activities so close to the comeback. It would cost us too much money. For the next comeback in a few weeks, no matter the results, it is sure he will not participate", the manager explained what he had been told, sad about being the one to announce such unfortunate news.

"How is that fair? When he is proven innocent he should be allowed to do what he wants", Keeho argued despite knowing that it would be useless. He was well aware how it worked.

"It is not about fairness. In other jobs, jobs that don't rely on people liking you for you to sustain your career, it would be no problem. If I was accused of something like this, maybe there would be a period of surveillance but after I am cleared of all charges, it would be fine. But my job doesn't rely on the media and the general public, let alone fans liking me. It depends on the emotions of those who feel affected by this in one way or another", the manager answered knowing full well that Keeho knew that as much as he did. However, maybe it was good to hear it once more, to be reminded of what it took besides the dancing and singing to be an idol. This job came with no insurance.

Intak nodded to himself, allowing the possibility of that to happen sink in. But what bugged him was that he couldn't even remember why. Despite his constant want to remember anything from last night, he just couldn't. As if he just slept through everything they proposed he did.

"I don't remember", he mumbled to himself close to tears once more. Keeho took his hand, earning a shocked gasp and Intak wanting to pull away before the younger gripped his hand back, seeking comfort from his leader.

"Maybe we should talk with the one who took the photo, the journalist who started all of this. She must know what happened. That might help you with getting your memory back", he proposed but the manager quickly chimed in.

"Don't give her more reason to write about this story. She will just use it for her advantage. This story will spread even further with every detail we give them. Do you understand?"

"What is the alternative? Not helping Intak get his memory back. Then what? We will just not find out what happened? You just rely on kicking him out if it is too much of a hustle to get this right?"

Intak squeezed his hyung's hand, silently asking him to stop but Keeho didn't seem like he would do that any time soon. His mouth speeking out all of the frustration that had built up facing this. How could anyone even believe it?

"I can't. Promise me, that when he is proven innocent, you will help me in helping him remember what happened and led to this"

"Don't obsess over that. You can't be sure he even is able to remember anything even with the right stimuli. Don't get lost in that thought and focus on the future, on the possible change this might bring"

"There will be no change. We will not abandon Intak like this", Keeho stated, his voice clear and dripping with conviction. Intak looked to him and nodded quietly. Maybe he needed to think the same way. He should look towards the future and rely on the others to help him get through this. He shouldn't care about what happend. He shouldn´t think about loosing everything when he needed to keep going on, keep fighting. When facing a crisis or a disagreement he had always been the most positive out of them all. So why couldn´t he be the same now? Wouldn´t couldn´t he just move on and forget everything?

However, once they came to a stop and he needed to get back out of the car, he second guessed that thought. He was still in so much pain that he wondered if alcohol could truly do this to someone. He wasn't sure. He never drank much. And when the older members had done it, they were whining about headaches but not full body aches like he experienced.

"Don't do anything until I call you with the results", the manager said as they were quickly getting out of the car.

Intak nodded, too focused on getting out of the car without showing how badly he was hurting. He didn't need to get Keeho into more trouble because the leader would probably demand for him to see a doctor and the manager didn't seem to be up to driving them around town for any longer.

However, Keeho looked back at the manager, a grimace present on his features as he spoke.

"Sure. We are just going to take care of Intak because you failed to do so", he said before continuing on.

"Keeho, if I hear one word or even have the impression that you contacted Han Yaehee, than I will relay that information to the higher management. So don't test me", the manager warned before they closed the door and the one in charge drove off.

"Han Yaehee?", Intak asked, trying to stay strong as his back seemed to be burning up in flames of pain.

"The journalist who started all of this. She is the one responsible"

"I think I have heard that name before", Intak mumbled before getting escorted inside by his leader who he was incredibly thankful for.

At the same time Han Yaehee was swiftly scrolling through the comments of the original article she had posted. It had the desired affect which made her all the more glad. All those people were able to see what the idol seemed to truly be inside. All those innocent souls would be spared because he wouldn't have the power over them any longer. Power Dynamics were scary, especially the ones you weren't even aware of.

She enjoyed reading all those comments as she suddenly noticed her phone asking for attention. The name of her sister brightly flashing at her.

"Hello, how are you?", she asked as she took the call.

"Finally I've been able to reach you. Where the hell have you been through all this?", her sisters voice sounded agitated, strangely angry for the cheerful woman she had managed to become after the incident.

"I'm at work of course. The stories are going viral and I need to keep track of any new information getting in. Haven't you seen the news?", she asked, delight still swinging through her voice.

"Sure, I did. That is why I ask you to come home, now", Donghee demanded. Yaehee, high on feelings of success and justice didn't notice it and instead just began a fruitless argument.

"Why? There is still work to be done. I know it is really late but this story is mine and I will make the most of this opportunity. I need to spread the message to get everyone away from him. It will be for their best", she argued while continuously scrolling through the pages.

"Have you actually gone insane? I know you are in this field because you enjoy the gossip but this? You enjoy ruining a man's whole life because you get views and a bit of appreciation from your boss out of it?"

"This man's life deserves to be destroyed. You know how they get, those idols. You of all people should know and appreciate my work", she began but was soon stopped by her younger twin sister.

"Shut up and come back home. Otherwise I will reconsider changing my name and my face so that I will never be associated with you ever again", she said.

Yaehee wanted to respond, now more aware of how mad her sister sounded, but the call had already ended. She didn't understand. After what had happened to her sister, she thought that she would be the first person to understand her thought process and support her idea of making sure every person that were to ever seem to be a threat of the same or similar magnitude would get eliminated instantly. But seemingly she was alone in this fight.

Despite that she didn't want to loose her sister so she just packed up all her things to be ready to write anytime something new came up and she needed to be ready for that and quickly got in her car to get back home. To fix something she didn't know was already broken.

-------------------------------

When Intak stared at himself in the shower this evening, his mind having left behind some of the panic got back into thinking. The dark bruises that seemed to spread all over his body making him wonder what could have lead to them. Alcohol didn't do this, did it? How could he not remember getting any of these? He could remember pain but whenever he wanted to find out why that was, the thought slipped from his mind. Maybe despite his consciousness wanting to know what happened, his unconsciousness was trying to get him away from that thought in hopes of self-preservation.

"Everything alright, inside?", he heard Keeho ask through the closed door. The oldest had worked through the much needed talk with the other members to prepare them for any possibilities. They hoped it would never get this far but they needed to know that it very well could, even despite his conviction that Intak was innocent.

"Yeah", said boy answered, trying to mentally prepare himself for the pain he would experience once he tried to move away from the position he had stayed in throughout his whole shower experience. Dancing for once not at all on his mind.

"Do you need anything? Can I get you something?", the leader asked, noting the curious look on the others´ faces as he stood in front of the bathroom door asking the questions. Normally they felt comfortable enough to just walk in when someone was showering but with how Intak seemed to have withdrawn himself he didn't want to push him further away.

"No thanks, hyung", Intak said before convincing himself to just get out and get to bed. He wanted to sleep and rest and hope for the pain to go away quicker that way. It needed to. He didn't have time or patience to deal with this.

So he got out, trying to keep his whimpering and whining to a minimum before he quickly dried off and got himself into his loosely fitting outfit. He didn't need any further irretation of his skin. It was hurting enough as it was.

When he got outside, he saw the others lurking around the near area of the bathroom. He smiled to himself, glad that they seemed to watch out for him.

"I'm off to bed", he announced to no one in particular before he slowly went off to the bedrooms.

"Wait, Intak? Don't you want to wait for the call. It should be any minute now", Taeyang suddenly emerged from the room next to their shared bedroom.

"I just want to sleep, Hyung. I want this to be over as soon as possible and sleeping might help with that", Intak simply stated.

"Doesn't make any sense", Jiung chimed in, going to the two of them who still stood in front of the bedroom door.

"Please, just let me rest", Intak begged, voice almost breaking.

"Sure. Do you need any more painkillers before that?", Taeyang asked looking at the younger.

"Painkillers? What happened?", Keeho asked confused, now making the group of people standing in front of the bedroom door pile up to four.

"Just headache. Don't worry. And I don't think they are really helping. But thanks, hyung", he said, turning around to finally get to bed when suddenly Keeho's phone was beginning to sing a sweet melody, making the leader immediately pull it out and take the call. The other two jumping out of their previous spots to know what was up. They were all stressed about this. So when Keeho finally ended the call without having said anything, the tension was cutting through all of them. Intak felt it too, bubbling inside his anxious thoughts. This might be the end. Maybe he should have prepared a few last words or chosen a better outfit to wear for this occasion.

"What is it, hyung?", Jeongseob asked, inching closer to see any reaction on Keeho's face that would indicate what he was looking for. But the leader just looked straight ahead, confusion demanding attention in his mind. It didn't make sense while it made the most sense ever. He was right and he was mad he didn't have the chance to scream just that into the face of this brainless journalist.

"Negative. They didn't find anything"

Chapter Text

Yaehee was kind of exhausted when she finally got home, anxiously ripping off her shoes before stepping inside the living room where her sister was sitting on the couch, laptop standing on the coffee table next to it, opened but Yaehee wasn't able to see what was on it.

"So you seem to still care about something. That is good to know", she spat out, her own eyes were cast to the floor, unable to look her twin sister in the eyes. The one she resented the most right now, beside herself.

"Of course I care. You know I do. You know I love you more than anything, have supported you more than anyone else", Yaehee began while walking towards her, confused why her sister was acting this way.

"I wouldn't say that. I really wouldn't"

"What? Why? What is even happening right now? Why are you mad?", Yaehee asked, now standing in front of her a few minutes younger sister who she hadn't seen like this in years. It scared her. It felt like she was back to her former self that was prominent after the incident.

"Mad? Don't think it fits here. I'm not mad. I am furious and hurt and overwhelmed and apologetic and so much more than that, more than you are able to understand, you will never even begin to understand because you don't care about anyone but yourself"

"What? Why are you saying all of this?"

"You even asking that shows how ignorant you are. Weren't you the one ruining a life of an innocent idol?", Donghee said, still facing the floor. She couldn't look up at her sister. She had wanted the older to come and talk in person but she wasn't able to face her yet. She needed to prepare herself for looking her sister in the face, the very first person who had tried to help her after the incident and the very first person to jump and hurt someone else. She wanted to scream and cry and shout all the profanities she could think of at her sister. But she also knew she needed to stay level-headed to make her sister see it, to make her understand how what she was doing was ruining lifes. And to be somehow able to deal with her own rapidly growing feeling of guilt.

Yaehee took a deep breath and took a seat next to her sister, her eyes stuck on the floor as well.

"That is my job, Donghee. And I know that you don't understand it but it was necessary. Idols have too much power over people outside of the business. Just imagine him meeting a fan. No, that would end horribly. He would take advantage of her and use her for his own good"

"You don't know that. You can't just assume something because you think it might be true, when you don't know. You just don't know that", Donghee held back to not scream it in her sister's face.

"Of course I don't. I can't look into the future. But I hope my article took care of limiting the risk of it happening because of him. It is not about never letting it happen again. I know I can't achieve that but I want to limit the chances of it happening. I know that is difficult for you to understand", Yaehee tried her best to paint her perspective for her sister in a warm toned voice. She was afraid of what the conversation might bring for her sister. She didn´t want to trigger any bad memories in her.

"So you hurt someone without knowing anything because you wanted to stop him from potentially hurting other people. That is insane. You must know that"

"No. It is not. I know what it did to you back then. I was right there, unable to do anything. But now I can. I want to prevent it from happening again. I did this, publish the article and will continue to do it to prevent it from ever happening again"

"No, you just wanted to punish someone. Someone who seemed close enough to what you imagine that person looked like. You just wanted to punish him to feel less guilty, to feel like you did the right thing. Your emotional blindness let this happen. You know that, right? He is another one on the list of the people you did all the wrong things for", Donghee let out, looking her sister dead in the eyes while tears were visibly accumulating in her own.

"Donghee..", Yaehee breathed out, shocked by the state her sister was in. She never imagined coming home to this. She knew Donghee wasn't always too keen on her work in the entertainment industry and had hoped she was just once more mad about Yaehee being insensitive in one of her articles but this seemed to go deeper, making her wonder what connection the two of them had. Previously, she had the impression her younger sister and the idol had just met at the fashion show but maybe she had been wrong with that assumption.

"I'm sorry", she suddenly heard her sister say making her inch closer to her.

"No, I am sorry. I never wanted to make you cry, Donghee. I really am sorry"

"This is not about me. This is about what happened. Not to me, but to him", Donghee spoke before turning the laptop in a way that made it easier for Yaehee to see the footage being played on it. She was frozen in place as she watched herself talk with the second assistant of the designer, Bok Eunjin, while the idol was barely conscious anymore.

"What the?"

"Remember? I told you I am researching about a certain topic, a dangerous topic. This was it. I had informants, so I installed the cameras to get a good look on the behind the scenes. I never expected to see this. I left him in your care, Yaehee. Why did you do this?", Donghee asked, but Yaehee was just staring at the screen looking closely at the situation she had already witnessed once. Looking at it now she was certain he had done drugs. He seemed like it. So she wasn't sure why her sister was making such a fuss about this. She seemed to have written the truth and now with the footage the story was even better. No one would be able to believe in the lies their company would publish. No one would be able to stand by his side when the evidence was this good. This was the end of it. He wouldn't be able to come back and potentially hurt someone.

"You have the footage. You have the story you were waiting for. Use it to write the best story you have ever written and gain a permanent standing in your company. They will never be able to get rid of you again, while you can make sure that he will never be able to hurt someone. This is perfect, Donghee. A win-win situation. Congratulations, you did an amazing job as a journalist"

"Are you serious? This isn't just a story. This is a person's life that was destroyed, painted down on video for the world to see? No way. And even if I wanted to incorporate it, it is difficult because it was illegally taken so I couldn't use it for an official article. On top of that the content of the video is not directly related to the drug incident. This is far worse, Yaehee. You let this happen"

"What do you mean?", Yaehee asked confused while her sister skipped forward, tears rolling off her cheeks as she stopped at a point in the video where the door opened and there was for about half a minute the possibility to look into the room, showing something that made bile rise up Yaehee's throat. Her heart seemed to stop as she watched the boy, she had pointed out to be a drug addict, get beaten and groped by the designer and his first assistant. She could barely breathe, her head spinning as she didn't know what to do. What to think.

"Donghee, I am so sorry you had to see this", she mumbled, unable to form any coherent thoughts. Her head feeling like it was floating above in the clouds while she tried her best not to be triggered by what she saw. Was this how Donghee had been handled by those vicious idols?

"You shouldn't apologise to me. This boy, what had he told you, barely of age? He was assaulted because you left him there"

"I never could have known this would happen"

"No. You couldn't have. But you could have stopped for one second to try to understand the situation as it was presenting itself to you. A barely of age idol getting weirdly absent without smelling like alcohol one bit, a sudden drug possession and you didn't even once think about getting him an ambulance. That would have saved him. Maybe his reputation would have suffered a little but not like how it is now. To remind you, how it is because you did this to him. You posted this article with the picture. You didn't beat him down but you made sure he would never stand up again", Donghee spoke, voice full of hatred while her eyes kept watering.

"I am so sorry. I failed you again", Yaehee spoke.

"Stop making this about me. He is the one who got hurt", Donghee spoke, a restless finger pointing in the direction of the screen where the door had thankfully closed while tears continuously spilled from her eyes. Yaehee wasn't sure if she would have been able to stomach seeing it again. It was bad enough the first time.

"I am sorry. I am incredibly sorry"

Donghee took a deep breath, trying to fight back the rest of the tears. The parallels to the time after the incident were too prominent, too painful. And she would have liked to take all the guilt and pain away from her sister but she didn't dare to because she had enough guilt of her own on top of knowing how it felt when this happend. And she was afraid that this time their relationship would not recover.

-------------------------------

"Negative. They didn't find anything suspicious", he reported before letting a smile break through his lips. He just couldn't hold back. Not any longer. So he just dove right in and desperately hugged Intak, letting most of his nervousness bleed away while he held the younger who seemed too overwhelmed as soon as he had been encased in the breathtaking hug. Pained moans escaping his lips and trembling fingers tried to push the older away, as alarm bells started furiously ringing in his mind.

"Intak, sorry", Keeho began but grew even more concerned when he saw Intak trying his best to smile away the pain and compose himself as the older had stepped away.

"Everything's fine, hyung. Everything will be fine now", he said quietly, trying his best to hide the pain and panic that was still all too prominent in his mind.

"You are still in pain", Jeongseob deadpanned looking at his older friend who seemed much smaller than his usually tall form would promise.

"It's nothing. Everything will be fine now", he said, wanting to turn away but Jiung stood in his way.

"Tell us if you are hurt. We can't help you if you don't let us", he insisted while trying to make his voice as smooth as possible to not push him away too much.

"I don't... I am... I just don't know anymore", he began, fighting off the tears as best as possible. He didn't know why but he felt like he was breaking inside. His usually positive aura seemed to be gone for good and that was making him even more anxious. What if this was still the beginning of the end? What if it would get worse?

"Can we help you?", Keeho asked before guiding Intak into their room, sitting him down on the bed.

"I feel lost and I am in pain. I just don't remember why?", he finally broke down a little, trying his best to stay as composed as possible.

"Where? What hurts?"

"Everything"

"Did you break anything when you were drunk? Ripped any ligaments?"

"I don't know", Intak continued on before getting the courage to lift his baggy clothes a little.

"I just found these", he said while showing his hyungs the countless bruises decorating his torso and spreading to parts they were unable to see.

"What the hell? How did this happen?", Taeyang asked, stunned and afraid of the answer as the question left his lips.

"I don't know. Can you get these from getting drunk?", Intak asked, hope spreading in his eyes. Maybe he just walked into different things while being drunk and got them from there.

"I don't think so. Unless you get into a fight. These look horrible. You can't remember getting them?"

"No. It probably is nothing, right? Did the manager say something when he brought me back?", Intak asked, fear spreading inside of him but he tried to stay level headed. There needed to be a very logical answer to the questions restlessly bugging his mind. There was just no way for anything other than the most obvious to have happened.

"He said you were most definitely drunk. Someone else called him for you. A woman. Maybe that is the best point to figure more out. The woman", Keeho explained, trying his best to provide all of the group members with the needed stability and comfort to keep going.

However, when the door bell rang and another manager came in, seemingly stressed beyond believe, Keeho wasn't sure he would be able to provide neither stability nor comfort for much longer.

"You need to get back to the company. It is getting out of hand. We need to a find a solution before it goes too far"

With a quick look at the clock he knew that though it was far into the night, they wouldn't get much sleep altogether. And that maybe being proven innocent didn´t change nearly as much for everyone else than it did for the boys. What did facts matter in the end when it was so easy to burn Intak to the ground for good.

Chapter Text

"Why? The results were negative. They found nothing. We just need to state that and tell them that the articles are written with ill intend"

"The results being negative doesn't necessarily mean anything. He might have taken something that just gets through the body quicker and slept in to make sure it would never be able to be found in his body", the manager explained, trying to get the boy in question to follow him with a swift motion towards the door. Intak felt sick. He was incredibly confused, in pain and plain exhausted although he had slept almost the whole day. He just wanted this all to stop.

"Are you serious. What drug would that even be? No, I think there is something more behind this. They can't possibly believe he would do this. Really, what is wrong with them?", Keeho began arguing, stepping in for his younger friend who seemed so different. Alcohol, if he even consumed anything which he claimed he didn't, didn't have such an affect on somehow, atleast not after just one night. Sure, Intak hadn't been drinking much before, so maybe going over his limits would make him seem like this but Keeho didn't believe it for one second. Something must have happened for the positive and overly confident boy to suddenly turn like this.

"It's not important, Keeho. Tell the company whatever you want but we should get going now. The PR team is waiting for us", the manager said before dragging Intak behind him. The boy had to pull all of the last strength he had in himself together to not fall flat on his face as he was just pulled along. His limbs still felt weird and were hurting beyond believe while his heart was racing because he was getting pulled around.

"Stop. He can barely stay up on his own feet", Taeyang jumped in, helping the larger boy to stay upright and gently putting his arm around him, watching the youngers reaction closely. Jiung got to the other side, grabbing onto Intak as well, while the two youngest seemed to be overwhelmed, unsure of what to do or to say. This was so out of the ordinary for any of them and they just relyed on the older to sort this out.

"We need to go. You can tag along if you want to but Intak and I are going right now", the manager spoke with strictness in his voice that demanded to be taken seriously.

"It is the middle of the night. Why can't you talk about it in the morning?", Jiung asked while looking at the manager who was just standing in front of them, having lost his grip on the younger idol who seemed to be struggling quite a bit.

"We need to sort this out now so that we can take the necessary steps in the morning. Do you understand the severity of the matter? Have you looked online?", the manager asked, now trying a different strategy to get the others to bring Intak to the car so they could finally head to the company.

"We didn't", Jeongseob said, speaking up a little less confident than he usually would.

"I did. I have seen the articles and I get that you need a strategy. But you need to understand that Intak is proven to be innocent. He is obviously unwell and needs to rest. Getting him to the company into more meetings in the middle of the night is not going to help him recover from this", Keeho began explaining the situation from his point of view but the manager just looked at him, raising an eyebrow before taking a deep breath.

"I know you want to believe that he is innocent. I applaud you for the brotherhood, really. But this is a business matter. If we can't solve this now, the whole group can be affected. When it comes to dealing with a crisis like this, being on time and responding to the public opinion is essential to get through it smoothly. And the opinion online is pretty much divided between people who are like you and people like the journalist who started all of this. Some are sure that he did something wrong, so we need to communicate with those to lessen the impact on the general public they might have"

"Fine. But I will go with him and we get back here as soon as possible. I suppose all activities are canceled for tomorrow anyways but if not, I demand them to be canceled. We can talk about everything else tomorrow, ok?", Keeho proposed earning a few confused looks from the others but he knew that they would eventually gather that the fight was useless. They wouldn't win. They couldn't win. And maybe the other was right and they needed to sort this out quickly before their comeback would be affected. They worked too hard on it to just throw that away.

"Great. Then let's go", the manager said, quickly walking ahead out of the dorm.

"I'm sorry, Intak. Let me help you get to the car. We will be quick, ok? You can sleep afterwards", Keeho promised feeling incredibly guilty as he softly pried the other two of the younger, draping his own arm around the other's middle to steady him. A few pained grunts later he was taking the first steps.

"Don't let them hurt him anymore, Keeho. Protect him", Taeyang said as he looked at the backs of the two who were slowly moving towards the door. He hated this. Intak and him had always been really good friends and he had enjoyed the warm banter between the two. But right now that felt like it never truly happened. This Intak wasn't the one he used to know.

"Of course. Take care of the others while I'm away and get some sleep. I figure we are all going to need that", Keeho said before going outside and to the car that was waiting.

"I am sorry", Intak mumbled and challenged himself with a soft smile but it felt heartless, soulless, nothing like the puppy like smile with infectious joy he was usually spreading. And that alone broke Keeho's heart even more. He needed to get to the bottom of this.

"No need to apologise. I know you did nothing wrong and I will be by your side just like I promised, ok. We will find a way to deal with all of this", he renewed his promise trying to get as much assurance as possible into his words. Intak needed to believe him.

"Thanks, hyung. I don't want to leave", Intak mumbled on. Keeho noticed how heavy the sleepyness was still weighing him down, making him even more sure in his suspicions. Intak didn't do drugs but that didn't mean someone hadn't been able to drug him. He made a mental note to check how certain drugs would affect people, what possible risks and factors he needed to look out for in the next couple of hours. Even if they couldn't spot anything in his blood and urin samples, that didn't mean that Intak needed to be fine again. Besides, Keeho didn't even know how they made the tests with what standards and background. His mind was loosing itself in all the technacalities just to not think about the obvious, the one thing that was screaming loudly inside of him. If Intak truly had been drugged, which seemed increasingly likely and he wasn't able to remember anything from the night. What truly happened? Did whoever had hurt his younger friend succeed in their endeavor?

-------------------------------

Donghee was still sitting on the couch, her eyes fixed on a crook of the cupboard that they had dearly loved for years. Her mind was trying to escape the images she had seen, throwing her violently back into her own assault she had survived, barely for a matter of fact. Her sister had been by her side since the first day of her recovery but there were still sometimes situations that made it hard for her to deal with them. Road to recovery wasn't easy, not stringent. Especially certain thought patterns were way harder to get rid off than anything else.

"Don't you want to have a drink or eat something? You have been sitting like this for hours", Yaehee came and sat next to her, a quick look at the clock showing her the ungodly hour of the night they were still up for and the amount of time her sister hadn't moved at all, seemingly stuck far away in her own mind. This was something Yaehee was more than accustomed to but it scared her now that it had returned. It had been a while since it last happened.

"Don't", Donghee just whispered. Her fingers encircling one another and Yaehee wasn't sure if that was a display of discomfort, of fear, of nervousness. It didn't matter what exactly it was because she was sure it was a negative emotion. She hated to see her sister like this again. Everything about this situation reminded her too much of how it was years ago.

"I will try my best to help him, ok? I can write something or ask them to take down my article", she offered knowing already how fruitless of an attempt of stopping this it would be. And she knew Donghee would know too.

"You know it doesn't work like that. I suppose everyone is already canceling him online. This is done", her sisters voice sounded foreign to her ears, so emotionless and cold. Just like years ago.

"Well then just anonymously post the video. Prove this boy's innocence"

"No. It's not proving his innocence. It is proving that he was assaulted. Nothing more and nothing less. He could have still taken drugs"

"Why would he?"

"That's not how that freaking works, Yaehee. I thought you knew that. This will brand him as a victim. I know how that feels and I won't take away his decision to do whatever he wants with this", she spoke, her voice wavering just a smidgen, almost impossible to notice. And her eyes were still staring mindlessly off into the distance. She was too far in her head, in her old memories that it scared Yaehee even further. What had she done to her younger sister?

"Well, then send it to them. They can use it to sue them"

"They would probably show it to him, either before or atleast then in court. He can't see it yet. He would be instantly pulled back into the feeling, the memories. We can't make him relapse so soon. He needs to have an opportunity to heal first"

"Do you think he has any way of healing right now when everyone is talking shit about him?What do you suppose we do than, Donghee? Nothing? Wait for this poor boy to get shredded alive by netzinens? To loose his job? His dream?", Yaehee asked exhausted and frustrated with the way it was all working right now and the role she played in it. If she could go back in time she would change it. She would never let her sister go through this again.

"No, I need to talk to the oldest in the group or the leader or something like this. They at least need to know that he is innocent. He is going to need a strong support system around him to get through this", she spoke, now finally turning her eyes away from the cupboard and towards her sister.

"A strong support system", Yaehee whispered lowly, the thought sinking in and hurting her heart just like the first time her sister accused her of this. She knew that back then she was in so much pain and needed to redirect some of it, spread the blame somewhere else, to survive this. But she never forgot it. How could she? It was ingrained in her mind, in her heart and little things like this were able to pull it right back into her consciousness, relapsing her in the pain she felt back then.

"I know that I have been of no help. Not after the incident and not now. I never meant to hurt you again", she spoke directed at her sister.

"Stop!", the other just screamed out of nowhere, resulting in Yaehee backing up a little, giving her sister room, afraid to have upset her.

"Stop apologizing to me, even thinking about me in this situation. I am just as bad as you are. I don't deserve your apology. I don't even deserve his", she said before standing up and heading into the direction of her room.

"Don't do anything anymore. You have done enough as it is. Good night", she spoke while she was opening her door and closing it behind herself.

As soon as she was in the comfort of her room, she broke down, doing her best to not just flat out scream out all the agony inside of her. She was such a massive hypocrite, she couldn't even believe her own words. She was blaming her sister while she was the first one who should be blamed. She had been the first one who failed him, who let them take him backstage, who let it all play out. She had been the first to turn a blind eye. And the worst part was that her sole reason of being at the fashion show had been to not do that.

Chapter Text

Taeyang was anxiously scrolling through the discourse online. He knew it would only make him mad but he still felt the urge to do something, anything for that matter. He had hurried the others to go to bed but he himself couldn't do it, wondering if the younger ones were as restlessly laying in bed, unable to just fall asleep. He wouldn't be surprised if it was that way and he wouldn't blame them.

How did Keeho expect them to sleep now anyway? With everything that had happened, with the uncertainty of what was to happen, weighing them down? Now he wished he had gone to the company with the other two as well. At least he would have been able to do something then. Even if just making sure that Intak didn't fully break apart. He seemed to be so close to it. And everyone who knew the younger was aware of his seemingly forever burning flame of passion. It was growing weaker and he was afraid of it loosing its last sparks.

When he finally heard the code being typed in, he jumped up and got out of bed, almost running into Jiung who was on the same path towards the entrance. So he had been correct about them being just as restless as him, at least to some extent.

Slowly the door opened and Keeho almost fully carried Intak inside. The younger unable to hold himself up any longer. The other two immediately got next to Keeho and took their younger friend from him.

"What happened?", Jiung asked with a low voice to not wake up the youngest two who were hopefully able to rest a little.

"Get him to bed first", Keeho said, making the others carry a obviously dead exhausted Intak to his bed, tugging him in before going back to meet Keeho who seemed almost just as exhausted.

"Let's sit down in the living room", he proposed and walked ahead, the others trailing behind their leader.

"Now, please tell us what they said"

"Have you looked online?", Keeho asked in return, making both of them look down on the floor.

"A lot of people are defending Intak, well not a lot but some. The picture is perceived as pretty convincing and the source of the first article isn't as shady as some others so they get credited as trustworthy by a noticeable amount of people. It's difficult. They asked Intak to write a hand written letter to apologise for causing concern and outrage. But kicking him out is still on the table. Well they called it regrouping him but it is just that. They will kick him out when this doesn't get resolved quickly and it doesn't seem like it right now. Well, I think Intak wants that as well", Keeho said, earning confused gasps from his friends.

"What do you mean he wants that?"

"He loves doing this"

"I know. And he doesn't want to leave. He told me over and over again on the ride to the company. But when they told him about everything he just began to cry, told them that he can't remember doing anything wrong and asked them to believe him. They didn't so he just gave up and said that he would resign if it doesn't get better"

"But why? He did nothing wrong. He said he is still unable to remember anything?"

"Yeah. That was another thing I want to talk to you about. I don't think they are too far of with talking about drugs. I just think that Intak either didn't mean to take them or was forced to them take. He wouldn't do that willingly, I think we all know that. But the symptoms are aligning quite well with certain drugs that are given to people to...", he just couldn't say it. Just thinking about it made him want to throw up.

"To take advantage of them", Jiung finished, face hard as he let that thought sink in. This was so far from their reality that he couldn't even fathom suggesting it himself.

"I guess so", Keeho mumbled, uncomfortable with the conversation and the implications it had. This was serious. Way more than he felt confident in dealing with.

"We need to talk to him. Get him checked out. Maybe we are just mixing the indicators wrongly together. There might be another solution", Taeyang spoke up, trying his best to stay optimistic, something Intak was usually known for. He had always adored the younger for being their ball of positive energy and he knew he needed to step in and take that role until Intak was able to be his old self again. And he really hoped the younger would eventually.

"You are right. We need to get to the bottom of this, help him remember"

"Maybe he doesn't want to", a voice suddenly said, making them all turn towards the dark where Jeongseob's head was peaking out.

"Why are you still awake?", Keeho asked.

"I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about this. Intak might be unable to remember because he lived through something traumatic and his brain is trying to prevent him from collapsing. We all saw the bruises. It can't mean anything good. But those are just physical relicts of what happened mentally. He is protecting himself and we shouldn't work against that. After all, what good would it do when he remembers? Him remembering won't be used as real evidence", Jeongseob spoke while going closer to them, sitting down next to Keeho.

"You might be right. But what can we do then? We can't just let this unfold"

"What about the journalist who wrote about it? We could talk to her, ask what she saw. That might help us get a better picture and enable us to be a better job in helping him. He wouldn't need to remember but we would be able to know more"

"Do you think that the journalist would tell the truth? Why should she? She would probably just write about us talking to her to find out what happened or maybe she would twist it into us trying to silence her. I wouldn't trust journalists that easily, especially those of the kind she seems to be"

"Well, right now there is nothing we can do. Let's try and get a few hours of rest before we talk to Intak and hopefully get him to a medical professional to get him checked out. Then we can come back to this conversation and figure the rest out from there", Keeho spoke before looking fondly at his members. He was afraid of what this might do to them even if he hoped this would get them all just even closer together. Being stuck in a crisis could lead to two things: bonding together more than ever or breaking fully apart. And he sincerelly hoped it would be the first of the two.

When the morning rolled around, Intak was still dead asleep and the others were running low on any kind of patience. The atmosphere of the online discourse had gotten worse over night and they had been confronted with the growing wrath of angry people.

Pictures from the fashion show with Intak on them were spreading around, everyone trying to tell the story of the idol that got to go to THE show of the Seoul fashion week and decided to do drugs at the after party and drink alcohol until he was so out of it that the picture had been taken. For them all that was the easy solution. And there was nothing, no information or pictures that were able to show up a different reality.

But faced with all the backlash, the designer had made a statement referring to the case and stating that it was the action of one individual none of the staff were aware of and wouldn't condone if they had known, painting Intak in an even worse light.

"I need to go to the company and talk to them before they throw Intak out. Make sure he has something to drink and get him to a doctor, ok? Taeyang, I rely on you to keep this all running, ok?", Keeho spoke, stressed out beyond relief. He didn't want to leave them alone and wanted to take care of Intak himself. But he needed to be there, at the company when they would decide about the future of the group. That was his job as a leader afterall. And he hoped the others would understand.

"Ok. We are going to wake him up in an hour and get him to a doctor. Don't worry. We are going to be just fine", Jiung spoke up and tried to look as responsible and dependable as possible. Even if just to ease Keeho's mind a little.

Which it did. The leader sighed, rubbing his cold fingers over his eyes, still burning from the restless hours he had spent not sleeping in the night, and then setting them one of the two others of the hyung line.

"Make sure Shota and Jeongseob are fine as well. They might want to be strong and support you but I think they are as shocked and hurt as we all are. We need to stick together to help each other and especially Intak get through this, ok?"

"Oh and call me when something comes up", he said before heading towards their dorm door, leaving Taeyang and Jiung in charge.

"Do you know which doctor we could go to?"

"Maybe we should ask a manager about this. We could just tell them that he isn't doing good and needs a medical professional looking over it. They can't just lock him inside here if he is not well", Jiung argued before getting his phone out to call the manager they were closest with, the manager he felt like was going to come and help them if needed, despite what the higher management said. He would try to find a way around it.

So while Jiung called him, Taeyang looked into the room where the other two were still laying in their beds, seemingly asleep. But he knew better than to believe this. He softly sat down on Jeongseob's bed.

"We were heading to the doctor with Intak. Keeho is at the company. Stay inside and take care of each other, ok?", he whispered, trying to not wake up Shota who really seemed to be asleep. He didn't know for sure though. Shota was able to do anything and surprise them at any given moment.

With Jeongseob he had been right though as the younger slowly opened his eyes. They seemed clear, indicating that he had been awake for a while.

"Ok. Do you think he will be alright?", Jeongseob asked his older friend, searching for any kind of emotional support. The way he had analysed the situation, he knew it would be difficult. But he needed someone to tell him otherwise. They would all come out of this just fine.

Taeyang didn't know how to answer that and felt weirdly out of place once more. He was the fun one, making them laugh more often than not. He wasn't the best at hitting those emotional points. That was Keeho's part or maybe even Jiung's but never his. However, he needed to do his best to help the others.

"I don't know. But we will do our best. Ok? We will try everything we can to not let anything happen that could hurt Intak and all of P1Harmony", he spoke carefully choosing his words to be on par with realistic measures as well as be uplifting, even if just a little.

Jeongseob smiled, but his eyes were the part Taeyang was drawn to. They weren't smiling as much as he was used to. They were filled with tears that were hidden behind a mask the younger seemed to hold onto. Either for his own sake or that of the older, Taeyang wasn't sure. But he knew he needed to dedicate some time after they would be back to look after the younger two and play games with them. They needed as much of a normal surrounding as possible.

When he got back to the hallway, Jiung was still nowhere to be seen so he just dipped into the other bedroom to have a look at how Intak was doing. Now, just laying in his bed everything seemed almost normal, almost like their world hadn't turned up side down suddenly.

"Hyung?", Intak's voice reached his ears, pulling him back out of his thoughts. He crouched down once more, giving him major flash backs to the same situation not even 24 hours ago, though it seemed like half a lifetime ago at this point.

"Do you need anything?", Taeyang asked, noticing the clear pain and fear in the younger's eyes.

"Hyung. I can't remember", Intak mumbled, while a few tears began to roll down his cheeks, making it almost unbearable for Taeyang. He had seen the younger cry multiple times already. In fact he was pretty certain he had seen Intak cry the most out of all the members. But that didn't mean it felt any less meaningful. With the 5'11 feet tall guy rolled together into a ball, encasing and thereby protecting himself like this was hard to just stand by and watch. And it reminded him of the conversation they had had earlier. Intak wouldn't take drugs. Someone drugged him and hurt him, if the bruises where anything to go by. But why? Why would anyone do that to another person, let alone the golden retriever of the team?

He didn't get to ponder on that thought much longer before Jiung quickly entered and asked them to get ready to see a doctor that would hopefully be able to answer some of the burning questions that not only Taeyang but Intak himself had. Answers were needed even if they weren't sure they were prepared to hear them yet.

Chapter Text

The air felt musty inside the company, making it harder for Keeho to breathe. But maybe he was just experiencing this because he was stressed beyond believe. He had been in heated discussions for hours on end and wasn´t sure how to continue on. A lot of people at the company thought it was best for Intak to just resign from the group to not cause any more negative headlines for them, told him that people had left groups for less and that he, Keeho himself, should ask Intak to do the same. He couldn't. Never could he ask the most passionate of them all to just resign. To even suggest that was beyond enough that was understandable for him.

He got into the lobby, hoping to find a place to just get his thoughts together for a second. He needed to think, to just find anything he could do or say that would magically resolve the issue. Anything that would be more helpful than whatever little his mind had come up in the last hours.

"Keeho-ssi", he suddenly heard someone call his name, making him turn towards the voice.

"Oh, hello", he said to one of the women who were always around the lobby, doing their work. He wasn't sure what they were doing but he was sure it was important.

"Hello. There is a woman waiting for you. She's been here for about an hour waiting. She said she needed to talk to you", she explained.

"About what?", Keeho wanted to know before heading in the direction the woman had pointed in.

"She said it's about Intak and she really needs to talk to you as soon as possible. That's all I know. I asked her to leave but she wouldn't until she had the opportunity to talk to you"

"Oh, right. She gave me her card. Here", she said before handing over the business card she had received. Keeho looked at it closely and sighed. Just another journalist. Just another of those who were trying to get a story out of them to climb up the career ladder.

However, even if he knew he shouldn't do this, he felt like he needed to do anything that could help Intak out. So he nodded and thanked the lady before he headed to the area in which the woman was waiting.

He saw her as soon as he rounded the corner. She was sitting on one of the couches, knidding her hands together profusely while looking outside, watching the traffic move by quickly. But as soon as she noticed him coming closer, she sprung up and bowed to him.

"Hello, I am Han Donghee. Thank you so much for coming", she said and bowed multiple times.

Keeho was confused but still highly suspicious. A pretty front didn't necessarily mean a pretty back.

"Hello, I am Yoon Keeho. You said you wanted to tell me something about Intak?", he asked her, seeing the nervousness drip of her face like waterfalls. Interesting, he thought, and highly unusual for a journalist running around to write dirty stories about celebrities. Most of them were pretty shameles. And he himself thought of that as a necessity for the job to be able to write like they were about other people. Or they needed to be highly judgemental and self-rightous. Now thinking about it, he didn't have the best image of a journalist in mind.

"Right. I was at the fashion show of designer Yong. I was actually sitting more or less right next to Intak throughout the show and we had a short talk before and after it. I was there to write a story and well, I feel the need to apologies to you first. I am so sorry about what happened to Intak. I know how he must feel right now, at least on some level and I hope you all are there to support him", she began telling her story, incredibly nervous about it. She wanted to make it right, wanted to do anything she could but inevitably just felt like stitching up the least vital wounds they had. They would probably bleed out either way.

"What are you talking about?", Keeho wanted to know every little detail to determine whether he could trust this woman or not.

"I am sorry. This must all be a lot for all of you. Not just what happened but what is going on online and probably in your company as well. All I want is give you everything I have to make it easier for you"

"To make what easier?"

"I don't know. To give you a better opportunity to help Intak recover from this. I know how it is like. I was there a few years back. I was right there and I was still too blinded to see that he needed help. No, I saw that he did but I didn't think far enough", she rambled on, her thoughts and emotions terrorizing her mind.

"Could you please tell me what you know about the evening?"

"Ah, yeah, sorry. I noticed Intak wasn't feeling well almost immediately after the after show party had started. I offered to call someone for him, to get him an ambulance because he was acting weirdly"

"But you didn't", Keeho deadpanned, unsure about the level of truth this story could provide.

"No. That is why I am so sorry I let this happen. Like I said, I had been there a couple years back. I know how it feels to get drugged, to have other people take you away to...", she struggled with saying it out loud, admitting it to a stranger. She was very much still dealing with it. Over the years it had gotten easier, she had learned to trust herself again and to not resent herself and other people as much any more. But this was something out of her comfort zone.

"They hurt him, right? They hurt you?", Keeho tried to help and get as much as possible out of her. Maybe this was all just a story, maybe he was wrong in trying to dig deeper but he wanted to, felt like he needed to.

"Yes. I am so sorry"

"So you are here to tell me that Intak didn't take drugs but was drugged and you didn't help him. Why?", the leader needed to know. It didn't add up. Nothing did really.

"I wanted to give you this", she explained, handing over a flash drive that seemed rather conventional.

"What is it? There is no virus on this, right?"

"No, wait"

She got her laptop out of her bag and put the flash drive in, starting the video before looking back up at Keeho. She knew she needed to prepare him for what was to come. He needed to know it was bad. It had been quite triggering for her.

"Please know that this video is quite disturbing to watch. So I would understand if you didn't want to see it. I just wanted you to have it and be in the position to use it. I just wouldn't show it to Intak. It would be too triggering for him, ok?"

"What is this?", Keeho mumbled, afraid of what was to come.

"A video from the night of the fashion show", she said before turning the laptop towards Keeho and letting him see some of the horrors his younger team mate had to suffer through.

Keeho couldn't believe what he was seeing, barely able to watch past a few seconds as the two man were physically assaulting his younger friend that was laying passed out on the bed. The sight itself was horrific, something that wasn't ever supposed to happen, let alone be filmed for other people to watch.

"How do you have that? Why?", he was near tears, turned away from the screen being unable to watch even a second longer. He didn't want to throw up here so he needed to keep it together.

"I told you. I was there to write a story. My plan was to place the camera there to film the backstage area to get to the bottom of this"

"To the bottom of what?"

"I had received information from some former runway models of Yong's shows that he had been attempting to assault them after the show. Seeing my history I knew I needed to gather evidence for them, to expose him for the things he has done. But I never thought it would be this bad. I am sorry about that. And I will never be able to forgive myself for my mistake. No, not really a mistake. I was too honed in on the fact that he had supposedly targeted his female models that I didn't consider it when I saw Intak. I thought he was drugged but I didn't think he would be the very same person I came to protect that night. I am so sorry I failed him then and I am so sorry I failed him again now when the first articles came out"

"So you were there to stop the designer from sexually assaulting them? And you think that it happened to Intak?", Keeho asked, voice wavering, still in shock about the information he was suddenly provided with. He had thought about this, no it was a thought that once crossed his mind and was never after that considered. But seeing this, he couldn't just continue to ignore it.

"I was. And I am sorry I didn't do what I was supposed to. I am so sorry he has to go through this"

"Through what? What do you think really happened to him?"

"Keeho-ssi?", she noticed how white Keeho's skin had turned, the younger seemingly breaking apart in her hands. Unsure of how to help him she closed the laptop screen and breathed slowly before speaking up again.

"I am sorry, Keeho-ssi, but I have strong reason to believe he was raped"

-------------------------------

"Can you tell me where the pain is coming from? Do you have any other symptoms?", the doctor began his examination with some questions.

"Not really, I have a headache, my back and my stomach hurt. My legs feel weird, like I have lost all strength in them", Intak explained, while the doctor wrote down what he was telling him.

"What about other symptoms? Do you feel nauseous or sick?"

"A little. But it has gotten much better throughout the last day"

"They told me you blacked out. But what is the last memory you have?"

"I was at a fashion show. I met two journalists and I had a short talk with the designer. But after that I'm not too sure what happened. I can't really remember anything", he spoke, his fingers instanctly searching for his head as if he could just obtain the knowledge by forcebly pulling it out of his head through his hairs. He knew it didn't work like that but everything felt so incredibly useless and he just didn't know what to do, how to feel.

"Did you have a drink before the period started that you can't remember?"

"I think so. But it don't think it was alcohol. I didn't want to drink at the event"

"But you had something to drink?", the doctor asked again, putting down his pen and looking at Intak closely.

"I did", Intak spoke, almost certain that was right. The doubt concerning his own memories was spreading further and further. It made him uncomfortable, afraid that he was missing something important. Maybe the answer he was looking for was right there.

"Ok. Can I take a look at your injuries?", the doctor asked calmly. Intak nodded, hesitantly gripping the hem of his shirt before pulling it over his head, showing off the spectrum of colors that were spreading on his torso.

"How long has it been since the incident exactly?"

"I don't know, more than 30 hours at least"

"Do you feel confused or drowsy?", the doctor asked as he got his blood pressure measurement device out to check whether or not he had hypotension. It would be unlikely taking the time since the happening but he didn't want to risk anything.

"What? No, I don't think so"

"Ok. Let me get your blood pressure quickly but I think we should make sure that there are no internal injuries you might not be noticing as that because you are in pain overall. OK?", he spoke calmly once more, but Intak struggled to be just the same. Two days ago he was just a relatively normal young boy that got one more of his dreams fulfilled. Was this the price he had to pay for that, that he got too many of the things he wanted?

"Doctor, what is going on?", his voice sounded nothing like the confident one he usually was speaking in. It was near breaking.

"Ok. So I think that you suffer from anterograde amnesia, meaning amnesia where you can't remember anything that happened after taking a certain drug. Those wounds on your body seem to have a matter of force as their origin so I want to make sure that it is just surface level stuff and doens't go much deeper. I will ask for a CT scan shortly. Please wait outside in the meantime", the doctor explained before getting to the phone to call the people in the respective department.

"Ok. Thank you", Intak responded while bowing before heading outside where Taeyang was waiting for him. However, he didn't get to say something much before the older told him something he hadn't thought about before but that let his blood freeze in a matter of seconds.

"Your mom called, Intak"

Chapter Text

Breathing seemed like something unusual to him. Air was like an assailant his lungs tried to protect him from. They painfully crunched together, providing nothing but pain.

"Keeho-ssi!", he heard someone scream at him, trying their best to help him get out of the shock he was experiencing. He couldn't though. He didn't want to get out. He let this happen. He had cheerfully waved goodbye to Intak before the boy had went, bickered about not being able to go with him, when he so desperately had wanted to. How could he have let this happen.

"Keeho-ssi, you never could have known what would happen there. You couldn't have. Even I didn't and I pride myself on supposedly knowing all the signs", she spoke to him, successfully breaking him out of his trance as his fiery eyes were set on her.

"Right. You were there for the sole purpose of this and you still let it happen. Why are you here again? To see how what they have done affects us? Do you somehow get a sick sense of happiness out of seeing other people being hurt the same way you were?", he babbled before he was able to stop himself. He knew it was wrong. Consciously he would have never said this. Sure he was savage or deadpanned sometimes but not evil. He didn't get anything out of hurting other people just because he felt like it.

"I get that you are angry at me and all I can do is offer my support and ask for forgiveness. I am truly sorry this happened and I will do everything I can to help you all get through this"

Han Donghee was near tears when she looked up at the boy. All those words were cutting so deep into everything she had worked hard for to get back. But she knew she deserved them. She knew she was one of the people to blame for this and she would never shake off all the responsibility she had in this matter. Even if she wasn´t the one who had hurt the young idol. She had let it happen. That was enough for her to want to punish herself once more.

"Please calm down so we can have a quick talk about what you want me to do. I will try my best to do just that", she spoke in a soft voice, trying her best to help Keeho out of his initial shock reaction.

It took a while but eventually, he was able to take full breaths again without his lungs feeling like they would collapse on him any second.

"What do you suggest we do? You have the most experience with this"

Keeho didn't want to say it out loud, couldn't just yet phrase it with his mouth.

"I don't know. This case is pretty different from mine. We have video evidence of the assault, or at least parts of it. We need to collect every piece of evidence we can find to make it easier for Intak to decide if he wants to press charges or not. If he thinks it is a lost case, which in cases like these it mostly is, than he will be less likely to take the chance. Afterall, you being idols doesn't make it easier. And I know that having this scandal on top of the other one is not going to be pleasant. Because it is going to be complicated but I guess that is what we should do", Han Donghee explained calmly but still with an edge of nervousness peaking through.

"I think I should talk with Intak and the management team. We need to figure out a strategy for this. Thank you. Can I call you when I need something else?"

"Sure, just give me a call and I will be around", she promised before handing over the flash drive and packing the rest of her things up before heading home. She felt drained, emotionally unstable and quite frankly horrible. This being a step in the right direction helped, but Donghee knew she and especially the boys had still a long way ahead of them.

"How did it go?", Yaehee hesitantly asked when her twin was finally back home.

"Don't know"

"What? You don't know? What do you mean?"

"Exactly that, Yaehee. I don't know how this will turn out. But I am sure I did the right first step. Did you take the article down?"

"I did. They weren't very happy about it but I insisted that we needed to investigate this further. I still can't believe this. Eunjin Unnie would have never let this happen. Never. This doesn't seem like her"

"What makes you think that?", Donghee asked confused why her sister had such strong emotions against accepting the obvious.

"You know her. She was one of the few people that was there for you after the incident"

"She had no knowledge of what happened to me. You can´t give her credit for luckily being at the right place at the right time, don´t you think?", Donghee deadpanned, as if the mere fact made it less of an achievement and more of a slight move of human decency.

"Doens't change anything. She was there when we needed her. When I needed her and now this. She never would have let this happen", Yaehee sounded convinced, as if the thought of this possibility alone sounded more than absurd to her ears. She shook her head once more and was opening her mouth to say something but Donghee jumped in just in that second.

"You have seen the footage. You were there that night. You know that she must have been involved somehow. Even if you just think about it. The designer and his first assistant assault someone, while she brings them there, opens the door and takes pictures. So how can she not be involved in any of this? You need to start accepting the obvious"

"The obvious? Sure, then why shouldn't I go and ask her about the obvious?", Yaehee pressed further.

"Sure. You can just tell her that I have footage and gave it to the group so they can decide if they want to press charges. What a great idea", Donghee spat out sarcastically, fearing for the short-circuited thoughts of her older twin.

"You really have no trust in my abilities as a journalist, whatsoever, do you?"

"How can I after you wrote an article in the heat of the moment, single-handedly destroying a young man's career?"

"You know that was a mistake"

"Yeah, I do, but mistakes can reoccur if you are too confident. Don't forget that they can ruin everything. How many more people do you need to destroy before you realise that?"

Both of them stopped arguing as Yaehee began nodding her head, breathing seemingly casually but way too quickly. Her eyes were moving around, trying to distract herself before she would be able to let her tears escape her eyes. She hated how right Donghee always was. If she hadn't been too confident back then, her younger twin wouldn't have been hurt. And now was just the same, if she hadn't been too confident in her assumptions about Intak, she wouldn't have let other people hurt him and then destroy his reputation as a sweet treat after dinner, resulting in hurting her own sister once more. She was the one to blame. Just like back then.

"I'm sorry", Donghee began, noting the distress holding her older twin hostage.

"It's fine. You are right. I should go back to my room and think about the whole situation before I try anything that might hurt people again", she said before turning around and going right where she said she would. She laid down on her bed, her eyes staring at the ceiling as she let all the thoughts and emotions run through her. At the end of it, she was however still certain, she needed to talk to Bok Eunjin. She needed to. So she did.

-------------------------------

"What?", Intak's voice was barely above a whisper as he was too shocked to make it any louder. He didn't think about this and now that he was confronted with it he wasn't sure he wanted to talk to his mom, to hear the disappointment first hand, to have to tell her he couldn't remember. But what was the other option? He couldn't just not talk to her.

"What about my phone?"

"Hasn't been found yet. Management suggested just getting a new one. Your mom tried to reach you after reading about all of this but when she couldn't she tried everything until she reached the manager who brought us here. She is worried sick about you", Taeyang explained, his eyes watching closely for the reaction this certainly would have on the younger.

"I...I don't know what to tell her", he mumbled, fear striking on his features. He longed for her comfort but he wouldn't really get that. Not with his mom in Yangju. And he wasn't sure he wanted her to come, just to feel the comfort of her hug. He needed to explain everything to her, she would be worried and probably crying and he couldn't, didn't know how to deal with that while he was still in so much pain.

"Do you want me to call her back and tell her everything we know?", Taeyang offered seeing how conflicted Intak felt.

"Maybe that would be good. I need to have a CT scan taken now anyways"

He didn't dare to look up, while he walked away to find the place the doctor had told him about. A scan because he wanted to make sure he didn't suffer from internal bleeding or ulterior overlooked injuries. That alone was surreal, but considering all the things that had happend in the last 48 hours, he wasn't sure this would even make the list of the wildest things.

Taeyang watched the younger go and quickly got his phone out, dreading the conversation almost as much as Intak did. He knew this wasn't what Intak's mom was hoping to get but he also knew how difficult it was on the younger. The whole situation overall, but especially now telling his mom about it.

He tried to think of the best way to start this, resulting on not getting a "perfect" way. He just needed to do his best. But when he finally convinced himself to go through with it and call Intak's mom, he had another call come in on his phone.

"Keeho? What is going on?", he asked quickly, nerves spiking up even more.

"I have bad news and good news for you. We got hidden camera footage from the night it happened", Keeho started, sounding exhausted and hesitant, somehow fragile which didn't sit well with Taeyang's overall nervousness.

"What? What does it show?"

"Is Intak around? What did the doctor say?", Keeho asked before he wanted to tell Taeyang everything he knew as of now, he needed to be aware of the condition Intak was in.

"No, he is getting a CT scan. But I don't know much about it. Now tell me, please. What is on the footage? Can we use it to clear everything up once and for all?", Taeyang asked hesitantly. He didn't want to get his hopes up too high in fear of getting disappointed again. But this opportunity was just to perfect. This couldn't just turn out as bad as the others.

"Not sure. But that isn't why I am calling. We suspected he was drugged, right? Well, the footage kind of proves our suspicions to be true. Don't tell Intak though. Please don't tell him anything. We need to get him through this somehow"

"What? Is there something on the footage that shows what happened after Intak's memory is gone?", Taeyang put two and two together quickly, shutting down any emotion he had concerning this. He had no time to be emotional right now.

"There is and it is bad. Really bad. I have seen it and I wouldn't want any of you to watch it as well. You can't. It is just heartbreaking and I can't imagine how Intak felt and ", Keeho couldn't continue talking as a sob crawled through his lips and demanded him to take a shaky breath. Talking about it brought the memories of it back to the forefront of his mind and they were still just as horrific as the time he had first experienced them.

Taeyang nodded, calming himself down with it.

"What is the plan now?"

"Take care of Intak at the hospital. Make sure he gets every treatment he needs. I have talked with management and we tried to gather a plan to deal with this. We need to prepare to take legal actions. Tell the doctor to document everything so we can use it at a later point in time"

"Shouldn't we talk with Intak about this?"

"Do you want to tell him that he was assaulted? He can't remember and maybe Jeongseob was right. Maybe he doesn't want to remember. I don't want to remember what I witnessed happening on screen too and I just saw a snippet of what went on. We can't confront him with this. He needs time and space to heal"

"What if he doesn't?"

"We will find a way. We always have"

"That would usually have been Intak's line. Intak's job", Taeyang reminded them both and he heard a wet chuckle from the other side of the line.

"It still is. I am just his substitute until he comes back"

"If he comes back", Taeyang mumbled to himself before ending the call. Keeho didn't need any more negativity coming his way. And still believing in a full recovery was difficult for him right now. Especially as the worst hadn't even transpired.

Chapter Text

Yaehee was nervously waiting for Eunjin at the office of her older friend. They had known each other for about eight years at this point so Yaehee was just unable to believe what her twin sister had told her, no matter the amount of proof she would bring forward. This was just not right. It couldn´t be. Sure, they weren't as close to each other as they had been in their college days but this, she would never believe the older woman would do this. She wouldn´t deceive her, using Yaehee for her own good and be involved in hurting someone the same way Donghee had been hurt.

But she needed to be sure. Her own judgement had been flawed enough over the last couple of days and she wanted to see if a conversation between the two would be able to clear some of the suspicion off of her.

"Sorry for making you wait, Yaehee. It has been crazy the last couple of days. You must be aware of the effect your article has had. We got so much more media coverage and people sending in interview requests. It was actually insane. I never would have guessed that a singer from such a small group that just few people are aware of would be able to produce such a scandal. Well with the right media against him and the right people by his side, I guess it is not that impressive of a feed", she chatted freely as she sat down in her chair opposite the younger.

"I guess so. And to be honest, that is kind of the reason I am back as well. With everything going on, I want to work on more exclusive stuff about that night. Someone who does drugs must be into some other shady business. Do you know anything about that? Do you happen to hear or notice something else while he was high?", Yaehee questioned, interest glittering in her eyes.

"Well. I saw him with a woman that evening. They seemed to be making out but I wasn't too sure. There was a lot going on. Why? Does your boss need more exclusive material? Wasn't this enough for him?"

"Well, you know how the media machine works. You constantly need new material to be on top of the game, to stay relevant. Isn't it the same with you? Don't you always need new ideas to create a fresh collection. How do you do that?"

"Well we always get a boost of energy at the end of the show. It leaves a lasting impression on us as well, you know. Concerning the tea I can serve you, I might be able to find the woman he was making out with, get you an exclusive interview or something of that nature. Just if you are interested", Eunjin offered, her smile on her lips, concealing the weird feeling bubbling inside of her.

"Sure. Of course I am interested. What kind of a question even is that, unnie? Please give me any information you have about this. I smell a good story ahead"

Bok Eunjin was smiling at the younger and just nodded. Her fingers slowly gliding over her phone who was becoming her most precious possession. She would need to take good care of it, as it could make or break her career and those of her friends.

Yaehee on the other hand wasn't too sure what she had won by going to meet Eunjin. She was similarly unsure about the others´ involvement as she had been before. Any hope of getting something useful now lay on this mysterious woman her older friend wanted to connect to her, to write a story. She wasn't sure that was where she was truly heading, if getting a good story out of this was something she was even considering anymore, but she needed to at least sell her usual conviction to Eunjin to not raise suspicion. After all, she was a decent actress. At least decent enough to not force them to question her demeanor, those who didn't seem to care too much about anything other than themselves after all.

When she got home Donghee was anxiously awaiting her arrival. She wasn't too sure if her twin had gotten the message to not alarm Eunjin about the video or anything really that had went on. And she feared the consequences if she did.

"How did it go?", she asked as soon as she heard the door open.

"Well, considering everything that could have happened, I might consider the result a win"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You will see soon enough. Now what is your plan concerning the idols themselves?"

Yaehee expectantly looked at her twin who seemed completely in control. She really hoped she was. One of them needed to have a solid plan. And she knew that she was always the weak point in action so she wanted to rely on her sister whenever she could. Donghee was better at judging a situation. She had always been. Tragically, Yaehee had been too proud to acknowledge her shortcomings in that regard sooner. But since the incident, Yaehee had tried her best to not loose herself in emotions and stay by her sister´s side. She was just unsure of how well that would work out for either of them.

-------------------------------

It took Taeyang a minute or two, or maybe even a lot more before he was able to process all the information Keeho had dropped on him. How had this nightmare had just become worse he wondered while his legs started to feel sluggish. This wasn't right. With this added knowledge he felt even less prepared to call Intak's mother and tell her something, definitely not everything, but enough to appease her. A mother, being presented with the reality he had to encounter right now, would break apart. Intak would hate him for it. Most definitely.

So with a final deep breath he finally called the woman he was meant to call. And it didn't even ring twice before the call was already picked up on the other side.

"Hello?", the woman asked, anxiety loud and clear in every syllable that escaped her lips.

"Hello, Intak's mother. It's Taeyang. Intak asked me to call you and get you informed on the case", Taeyang began but Intak's mother immediately intercepted.

"Where is Intak? Why isn't he doing it? Is it true? Is he feeling guilty? That can´t be, right? Intak wouldn´t do this"

"No, no. Don't worry. We are just at the hospital right now. Intak's getting treated at the moment so he isn't able to talk to you personally", Taeyang tried his best to calm her down but she didn't seem to be in the right mind to be open to it, or maybe he was just doing a pretty bad job as she was already latching onto his next words.

"What? In the hospital? Did he get hurt?"

"Yes, but the doctors are taking good care of him", he continued his pursuit but was cut of by a fearful cry on the other end of the line, before it was silent. He was unsure of what to do, what to say. He hadn't expected this to happen. Intak's mother always seemed so strong but facing this alone without hearing from her son in days must have worn her out. After all, he was her son.

"Can you tell me more about this. I just don't understand it. What they are writing about is not something my son would do. I don´t believe that for one second. But why are they writing something like this about him. They must know he is a good young man", she continued sounding a lot more stabil now.

"I don't know the full story yet. We are still working on finding every source of information that could provide us with a better picture. Right now we just know that he was drugged at the fashion show. And we are trying to figure out who did it and what there motive was"

"He was drugged", she whispered to herself, as shocked as every one of the boys themselves had been. This happened in dramas but not in real life. Even if it actually did, then to others but not to someone oneself knew. Well, scratch that. Everyone was possible. They just had to learn that the hard way.

"Please let me talk to him as soon as possible. I need to hear his voice, know that he is fine. Please, Taeyang-ssi. Please let me do that", she asked, almost begged and Taeyang didn't know what to do than to just agree, unsure if Intak would even want that. But that was a problem of future Taeyang to solve.

So he waited around until Intak came back, looking almost the same. Tired eyes, stressed out features laced with the still unmistakably visible pain. It was so different from his usual appearance but shockingly Taeyang had already gotten used to it in this short amount of time.

"Any new information why you are still in pain?", he immediately wanted to know, wanting a better understanding of how the injuries fit in with what he knew, what Keeho had told him.

"I seem to not have any inner bleeding, so that is good at least. The radiologist said it would have been pretty unlikely anyway because I would have died by now. But I guess it is better to be safe than sorry", he spoke slowly, devoid of his usual passion and energy.

" What about the bruises? And the other symptoms?"

"Seems to be pretty surface level and should be gone in a few weeks. Nothing much to worry about", Intak explained matter of factly, wanting to stay as unemotional as possible. He just felt like he would start crying as soon as a small trigger was brought up. And he desperately wanted to avoid that.

"I called your mom. She wants to talk to you", Taeyang finally spoke out what was weighing him down since he had ended the call. And he was immediately reminded why he had been. Intak frantically shook his head, his hands dismissively but hectically waving around, trying to communicate what his words couldn't. He wouldn't do it. He just couldn't.

“You don´t have to if you can´t but maybe this can help you. Try it out”, Taeyang asked of the younger who was still shaking his head.

“I don´t know what to tell her. I don´t know anything about the night. She will be so disappointed in me”

“I don´t think so. She is just incredibly worried about your safety and health. She wants to make sure you´re ok, that you are safe. If I am telling her something or it is you talking to her doesn´t have the same effect”, he explained and Intak just nodded, slowly entertaining the idea of participating in this event that had been set up by his older friend. Even if he was still afraid of it. Oddly enough, he usually loved his mom more than anything. But that was the thing. He loved her so much that he didn´t want to disappoint her with this now. Whatever "this" actually was.

“Ok”, he mumbled after taking a good minute to go through the different options but coming up with nothing that was truly worth considerign. He would just have to go through with this, show his mom that he was still alive so she would be fine and he could have his peace back. He needed that to finally figure out what was wrong with him.

Taeyang closely watched as he gave his phone to Intak, noting the stress and fear on the younger´s face multiplying rapidly. He wished he could take all of that away. All the pain, the fear, the confusion, everything that was hurting his friend. But he wasn´t able to do that. The only thing he could do was to offer to be there for him, to not leave him alone again. Maybe that wasn´t good enough but that was all he could do.

“Do you want me to stay?”, the older asked but Intak shook his head. Talking to his mother would be fine. He would be fine. And Taeyang needed a break. He had been waiting all this time here, staying up late to take care of the younger. He should be able to rest. It wasn´t very fair of Intak if he demanded even more attention and energy from his friend because of his mistake.

“Ok. I will go over there. If something is going on, you can just scream or just call me over, ok?”

Intak nodded again before watching Taeyang go and slowly typing in his mother`s number. Once again, it didn´t ring even twice before his mother´s voice was heard from the other side of the line, sounding obviously different from usual. Teary, exhausted, fearful. So many things that were completely foreign to Intak and made him want to cry once again. He had hurt everyone around him because of something he did that he couldn´t even remember. He must be a horrible person.

“Mom”, Intak cried out, sounding much more like a hurt animal than he had anticipated. His tears already rolling down his cheeks as he tried his best to compose himself. Just hearing his mother´s voice was breaking every dam inside of him and letting all the pain pour out. If he would allow himself to be even more selfish right now, he would wish for his mother to come by and give him a hug only a mother could give, a hug that would promise everything would be alright.

“Intak”, his mother cried out just the same. She was incredibly glad to finally hear her sons voice after everything that had been written about him, what other people had said about him. She wished she could see him right now but she wasn´t sure Intak wanted to see her. If he didn´t want to talk to her, seeing him would definitely be too much.

"Mom", he said again, this time a little more composed.

"I am sorry, mom. I promise I will fix this", he spoke before his mother even had the chance to say something in return. Intak wanted to reassure her it would be fine. Everything would be fine. Everything would be. Until it wouldn´t be anymore. And that point in time was right around the corner to destroy everything they had carefully built up once again.

Chapter Text

Yaehee was nervously nibbling away at the piece of apple she had made herself in order to pass some time. Eunjin had promised to send her a picture, she had been telling her about, in the next few minutes and just waiting it out was making her too anxious.

“What is wrong?”, Donghee asked while she watched her sister´s form nervously chewing on the same piece of apple for the last few minutes.

“I´m waiting”, the older of the two twins muttered.

“Ok. Waiting. But for what? What are you waiting for that elicits such a prominent nervousness?”, Donghee wanted to know as the anxiousness seemed to attack her as well. What if her sister had done something again? What if her visit at Eunjin´s place would make it worse again. After everything had calmed down significantly they didn´t want to risk it bubbling up again.

Suddenly Yaehee gasped as she saw the message with the attached photo. It was showing long hair laying on the bare chest of a presumably sleeping Intak. The implication this picture held was weighing heavily on the older twin. She just didn´t know how this fit into everything she seemed to have gathered about this situation.

“Show it”, Donghee demanded as she stepped next to her sister to have a quick look at the photo that would paint an even worse picture of the young idol.

“Where did you get that?”

“From Eunjin. She said that Intak was hanging around with a girl that evening. She wanted to give me something so that I could write a story about this”, Yaehee explained while she was already thinking about what she was going to do with this.

“But you are not going to do that, right? You don´t make the same mistake more than once”

“I have been guilty of that plenty of times”, Yaehee began, tears threatening to wet her cheeks but she pushed them back. This wasn´t about her. It wasn´t back then as well. She wouldn´t make this mistake again. At least she didn´t want to.

“What the hell. I was next to him from about ten minutes after the fashion show to the time you saw him. He didn´t do anything weird. So this picture must have been taken after he was drugged. You really want to make a photo public showing the abuse of a male idol by a female? There are so many levels of fucked up-ness with this that I just want to throw up”

“I wouldn´t. Don´t worry. Weren´t you supposed to go to a meeting to the company anyway. Take the picture with you and tell them about it. Maybe they can take precautions. I don´t think Eunjin will sit still when I don´t release it. She seems to be a much more active participant in this whole story. I just still don´t understand why”, Yaehee tried to calm her down. She wanted to help. She really did but she noticed more and more that her sister didn´t trust her concerning this matter. She understood. She didn´t deserve the trust anyway.

“Ok. That sounds like a reasonable plan”, Donghee just answered before getting herself a copy of the picture. After that she got ready to head straight to the company building where she was supposed to partake in a meeting with the management and PR team concerning this matter. Keeho had asked her to come and be there as she would be able to understand what Intak would need better than the others.

Intak himself was not supposed to know about the meeting as they feared of triggering him by discussing topics he was still unaware of. Even if some of them thought it would make it much easier if he would be triggered and be able to remember what happened, Keeho was strongly against it. With the way the drugs seemed to be working, it was rather unlikely for the idol to remember his own assault. But having to see it play out on a screen could still be highly retraumatizing. So that was a clear “No” for Keeho concerning Intak´s participation in the meeting.

However, despite everything they tried, the young man himself had a different opinion on this. As Keeho was getting ready to go to the company, Intak kept pestering about it.

“Isn´t this about my future as an idol. Don´t you think I should be present in that case? Don´t you think I should have a say in it. Or at the very least hear directly if they plan to kick me out of the group? All I want to do is to just get back on stage. Please let me be there and convince them that we can fix this. I am sure it will die down quickly and we can resume with the overseas activities”, Intak argued. Since he had talked with his mother, the fire inside of him had been ignited once again. He wanted this to get over with as quickly as possible to just get back on stage. He wanted to perform again. The stage was the place he felt most comfortable and most like himself, so he just wanted to go back to that. He felt ready. He didn´t care about this anymore and just wanted to move on. Despite the questions about what happened that night still bugging his unconscious, he desperately wanted to move forward and forget about it all.

“Intak, we will be discussing things that could potentially be pretty triggering for you”

“We won´t know until I see it”

“That is not how that works, dummy. Once you get triggered that´s it. The damage is done. You can try it out but you can´t undo it”, Taeyang jumped in, annoyed with their constant arguing in the morning.

“Isn´t that with every decision you make. You can´t reverse them. They will have their effect on you even if you try to act against the consequences in the future. The damage is already done”

“Well, yeah, that´s just life. Look I don´t care. If you want to torture yourself with it, then do it. I´m not going to hold you back like that idiot over there. But don´t come complaining about it afterwards”, Taeyang coldly spoke. He knew it would be futile to try to hold Intak back. He didn´t want the younger to go back there, as he seemed to be much better already, not as lost in his own mind and thoughts any longer. But he couldn´t make the decisions for him. He could only offer his opinion. In the end it was on Intak to make the final call.

“That idiot over there?”, Keeho asked sounding much more offended than Taeyang would have expected. Well. Couldn´t change that now.

“Would you really object that? Look at yourself right now and tell me truthfully that you see yourself as something other than an idiot. Let him do what he wants. He will know what is best for him. You made it clear enough that you disapprove of his decision. And so do am I, but it doesn´t matter much in the end. Let him have his choice”, Taeyang snapped back, trying his best to subtly tell Keeho what he was thinking. They knew being ruled over after being assaulted wasn´t optimal. Especially, when the oppressors were they people you wanted to rely on and get support from.

“Oh fuck you, Taeyang”, Keeho mumbled, understanding exactly what the older was getting at. He hated the consequences this had already but who was he to force his friend to be a simple bystander when decisions were made for him. Maybe this could even help him get closure on some thoughts the younger had been struggling with.

“Fine. Come along”

Intak smiled sweetly, relieved that they were allowing him to hopefully push this forward as well. Physically, he was feeling better day by day so he just wanted to get back into the line of work of that was awaiting them. It was almost weird to have so many consecutive days without any schedules. And even if they had been hectic on a different level, Intak was looking forward to getting back into the usual schedules. Those were much better than whatever had been going on over the last couple of days.

Still it was odd when they had settled down in the meeting room. Intak was surprised to see the woman he had met at the fashion show. He wasn´t sure how she fit into the picture. But he reminded himself to wait patiently for what they would throw at him. He was ready. He felt ready. Nothing could stop him from going back on stage. Whatever state he had been the last couple of days. That was long forgotten. That didn´t matter anymore. What was important now was how they would go on.

“I wasn´t expecting you to partake in this meeting”, one of the managers said as he looked at Intak´s tall form sitting proudly in his seat.

“I wanted to know what is going to happen. Since this concerns me I want to know what is going to be done in this case”

“Very well. I suppose you know Han Donghee?”

“I think we met before the start of the fashion show”

“Were you able to remember anything else from that night?”

“No. Why? Is that important?”, Intak asked confused. Wasn´t this just about reestablishing him as a decent guy in the eyes of the public. Getting answers concerning this matter wasn´t necessarily on the top of the list of the topics he expected to come up.

“Because we intend to go to court with this case and we might need your testimony in this”

“What? To court? Why?”, Intak wanted to know anxiously. His eyes immediately searching for Keeho who was looking at him with something akin to guilt or fear. Intak wasn´t too sure and wasn´t able to provide the necessary brain activity to figure it out as the manager kept going on simultaneously.

“Sure. There is nothing better than that to prove your innocence. We will go to court against the news outlet and everyone else who steps forward to spread those lies. And with everything going on it would be even better if we would also go to court against designer Yong and his first assistant. But that is ultimately your decision. We would just strongly advice for it and support you legally in the process”

“What? What are you even talking about?”, Intak watched the managers closely, searching for an immediate answer that would make this all fine. Something easy to solve.

“Has Keeho not told about the existence of the video showing a snippet of what happened that night?”

Intak´s eyes snapped back to his leader who was now raising his voice in a fruitless attempt to stop them from talking about the video. He was truly afraid of what this information alone could do to his younger friend. However, that same friend stopped him as his eyes bore into him from the side and his voice spoke up before Keeho could really get his point across.

“A video? Hyung? Is that true? Did you know about this and not tell me? Why? Am I that fragile? Was that the reason why you didn´t want me to come. You wanted to keep in the dark about this?”

“No, I, well yes but not because of the reason you are thinking of right now. I don´t want to cause you anymore pain when you are still trying your best to get back on your feet. You don´t need to be exposed to it. In fact, you will never watch it. It is horrendous. I watched it and I didn´t want you to. Please trust me, Intak”

“You know I was plagued by the question what might have happened. You could have provided an answer for that. And you just decided for yourself you wouldn´t give me the choice. Well thanks. What a great leader you are. Making all the hard decisions for us. We should be forever thankful for your sacrifice”, Intak began to spit out everything that had build up inside of him since the incident. All the pain and fear resulting in this speech. He hated this version of himself but that was rather irrelevant in this moment. Everything that mattered was getting this all out. Standing back up seemingly stronger than ever. What he failed to notice was how everyone´s eyes turned sad upon seeing the youngest in the room break down.

“Intak..”, Keeho tried but the younger wasn´t finished yet.

“What? Nothing you can say would make this better. You used my trust in you to deceive me. Did the others know? Were you all aware of video footage of this being obtained, watching it and then being all mighty and deciding against showing it to me, laughing at my cluelessness and constant mental turmoil concerning this?”

“That´s not true. I know you are hurt. And you have every right to be. Scream out it all out. Get rid of it so you can get a clear head again”

“Oh, do I not have a clear head right now? Is my response to your betrayal too emotional for your liking?”

“No. Be emotional. Let it out. Do it. Tell us how you feel. Let us know how we should see this. Help us understand”, Keeho answered, tears brimming in his eyes. He was hurt. Intak was so right yet so wrong at the same time and both of it felt like bricks being thrown at him. But he needed to forget that for the moment. When he wanted this to have a good ending he needed to try and get Intak somewhere. So he waited for the next angry response of the younger who had stood up to tower over him. However, he stayed silent.

“Intak?”, Keeho asked after a few seconds.

“Tell me what happened”

“I don´t think..”, Keeho began and Donghee nodded along as he looked at the older woman for guidance. She was the only one in this room who had experience with dealing with this kind of situation. He needed that right now and was very thankful for her help.

“I don´t care what you deem to be best. You don´t want me to watch the video. Ok. Fine. But tell me what happened. Don´t let me imagine something for myself. Don´t let me torture myself like that. Think about all the possibilities my imagination is feeding me. You are not protecting me. You are just prolonging my suffering”

Keeho took a deep breath, his eyes looking once more at Donghee who nodded once again. She knew it was better to tell him. She knew how it was to give the imagination of an individual too much room regarding this matter. She had seen the impact of it first hand with her sister who was still struggling with it. And she hoped telling him would prevent the inevitable of him seeing the video for himself.

“Ok. It shows how they punched you, repeatedly physically assaulting you”, Keeho spoke out with the last breath he held. He watched Intak closely to see how the younger reacted to it. The bruises had been a good indicator but hearing this now could still affect the younger.

“Why?”

“We don´t know”, one of the managers answered deeming this the perfect moment to jump in and emphasize their plan again.

“That is why we would like to bring this case to court. Figure everything out there”

Keeho´s eyes snapped to them. He noticed their excessive framing of this and wasn´t a big fan of it.

“OK. Just do it”, Intak answered before the leader could say anything.

"Great. We will help you to remember what happened. Don´t worry. This will all work out just fine"

Chapter Text

Donghee hadn´t been able to tell them about the picture before the bomb was set. As the meeting was running pretty smoothly, they got notified about the photo that was spreading online, shifting the atmosphere of the meeting once more into an icy cold. The managers acting quickly to asses the situation and set multiple responses into action to be able to keep somewhat of control over this.

Throughout it all, Intak just sat silently, struggling to stay in the moment. The anger seemed to have burned through every ounce of energy he had been able to preserve for himself. However, now he felt weak, helpless. He desperately wanted to get back to how it had been before. He didn´t want to be confronted with the reality that that might never happen again. Maybe he wouldn´t be able to ever stand back on the stage. Maybe him living his dream of being an idol would return to him just dreaming about it.

“We will get this sorted out”, Keeho explained, trying his best to help the younger get back the fire he had displayed just minutes ago.

“Sure”, the younger responded, avoiding looking his leader in the eyes. He was conflicted on how he was supposed to feel about him withholding important information from him. Even if the intentions had been good, he struggled to forgive it so quickly. All this just added to his growing desire to turn back time, to never have to go through all this. He wanted to escape in the past or far in the future. Any point in time really that wasn´t right now.

“Intak, you should return home before someone can see you walking around in case this catches on more fire before we are able to control it. We already informed a manager about it”, one of the PR experts informed the younger boys before returning to whatever he was working on right now.

“Don´t worry. I call the others and tell them about what is going on. Try to calm down a little. You can always ask the others for anything you might need. I will come back to the dorm as soon as possible”, Keeho jumped in, tentatively putting a hand on Intak´s shoulder. The younger nodded, seemingly cold as he struggled to accept his quick defeat.

After Intak left, the meeting continued like nothing had happened. It was weird and Keeho was unsure if he found it reassuring or frightening. Those people did their best, sure, but there were at no point emotionally invested in any of them. While he was internally torn apart because of the younger, they seemed completely fine. Maybe he was unprofessional, but he cared too much to just hide it. He needed to be better. He needed to be a good leader for them, for Intak. Therefore he vowed to himself that he would do anything he could. And starting on that resolution, he went to Han Donghee as soon as the meeting was over.

“Please help me understand what I can do to help Intak. It feels like everything I do is wrong and not helpful at all. No matter how good my intentions are, those are not enough if the outcome isn´t good”, he weirdly started the conversation he feared right now. What if he was unable to do anything? Was that worse than doing the wrong thing? He wasn´t sure.

However, Donghee immediately nodded, thinking about the advice she wanted to give the young idol, thinking about what she would have liked back then.

“I can´t give you a universally perfect answer for that. Talk to him. Try to respect his boundaries but try to always be there. Feeling like you are not alone is already a good start. If you want, I could tell you about my story. Maybe that would help you already”, she offered, already emotionally distancing herself from the words that would leave her mouth as soon as she would start her story.

“If that is fine with you..”

“Yeah sure. If this has even a slight chance to help Intak I need to do this. So let´s start. It was a normal Saturday in October of 2016…”

Oct. 8th, 2016

Yaehee and Donghee were partying away. Since they had entered university in the end of february, they had not done spent one evening out and about, roaming the streets and collecting memories people seemed to supposedly have when they were 20 years old. And with their 21st birthday coming up, they wanted to check out a place they could use to celebrate at. A place they could take their friends from university to. A place to at least for a minute forget about all the stress and expectations.

They were completely new to the Itaewon party scene, making their knowledge about places and people to avoid rather sparse. So when they entered the club they had chosen for this first time, they didn't know it was one that was preferred by high profile celebrities. Not many knew anyway. And maybe that knowledge would have done nothing but make it even worse.

The twins enjoyed their first few minutes experiencing this club for the first time. The music was loud but kept at a volume that didn't make you go deaf too quickly. The first drinks, first a round of soft drinks and then soju, were good and the low percentage of alcohol made them loosen up a little.

Donghee's thoughts were still hung up on a project she needed to finish and hand in on time, when her twin sister shoved her a little towards a group of males who were standing just a few feet away from them.

"What is it?", she asked her slightly older sister, though she would never admit that she saw her as the older one, as the one she relied on.

"There are a few idols over there. Shouldn't we greet them. It would be very much unpolite not to after we looked at each other"

Donghee wanted to argue that she hadn't done that, but her sister was already at the table, bowing down a little and introducing herself to the five males that were sitting together drinking. They looked up at them, some seemingly uncomfortable, as they reciprocated the greeting. However, they invited the both of them to another round of drinks.

"Who are they?", Donghee whisper yelled at her sister at a moment she thought none of them noticed.

"Don't worry, I know them", Yaehee giggled while a bright smile was spreading on her face. She couldn't begin to enjoy this enough. She was finally able to meet some of the idols she had been crushing on for years. This was heaven, the older of the twins whispered to the younger, as she drank another shot that was piling up to a suspicious amount of alcohol for the young woman.

Donghee was much more apprehensive about this. She wasn't as much into the whole idol industry as her sister was. While Yaehee had spent almost all of her free time on them, Donghee was much more into knitting and sewing. She had guy friends but she wasn't into flirting much. Yaehee was different to her, though she spent a lot of time while her sister was working on another sewing project, showing her music and talking about school and boys. Before this night, the sisters had very much been good friends, almost inseparable. At the end of it, there was a very apparent rift that drew them apart.

Yaehee was full on flirting with one of the idols at one point and Donghee had warmed up talking with the others as well. However, she still remembered that they wanted to check this place out for their birthday party.

So she leaned over to her sister and tried to get her attention which was with the increased level of alcohol in her bloodstreams and the loud music playing not as easy. But still, somehow, she managed to do it.

"Are you ok?", she asked, sensing the heightened alcohol and fearing what it might result in for her sister.

"Should we get home?", she continued on, trying her best to get through to her sister who seemed to rather enjoy her time with the idol who was sweetly smiling at her.

"I'm fine. Don't worry", Donghee was uncertain whether to believe or twin or not but she gathered it was best to just continue on with their plan.

"How could I not? Well, I think we should get going soon. I will take a quick look at the bathrooms to determine if they are good or not and then we should take the subway home. Do you think you can do that?"

"I don't want to go yet"

"We could take you home. One of my members is picking me up in like thirty minutes. We can take you to your flat", one of the idols offered sweetly but Donghee was too cautious to just accept the offer. She didn't know any of them so getting into a car with them was probably not such a bright idea.

"Yeah, let's do that. That way we can still chat a little while we drive", Yaehee quickly agreed to it, making Donghee take a deep breath before she hesitantly nodded. At least they weren't separated, even if that gave little comfort to the younger of the two.

"Well I will take a look at the bathrooms then. See you in a few minutes", Donghee announced before heading off, wanting to get a thorough view at them. She didn't want them to stink as badly or be in bad condition. After all, inside she was much more of a classy person who needed order and security, while her sister was more free spirited.

However, when she returned after her inspection, her sister and the idol she had been heavily flirting with for hours, were gone. She quickly looked around, trying to catch them on the dance floor or near the bar area. But to no avail. They were gone.

"Where did my sister go?", she asked the two idols of the five who were still around.

"She went to get something with him. They will be back in a minute. Don't worry. Here, I ordered another soft drink for the both of you. I gathered you might want something to clear up a little before the trip", one of them said before taking the seat right next to her, watching her drink half of the drink. They waited, five minutes...ten minutes went by without Yaehee resurfacing. Donghee was about to ask again when the one sitting next to her let his fingers glide over her back. She recoiled at the touch, the unfamiliar and unwanted hands were spooking her out.

"Sorry. Are you not ready for a little flirting?", the other asked softly.

"No. Sorry, I just want to go back home with my sister. Now, preferably"

"Well, that is unfortunate. After we spent so much time on you two", the other said, confusing her further. What were they even talking about? She felt like she needed to go, get out of this, before it was too late. But not without her sister. Gosh, where was she?

"Well, you can't force someone to enjoy it. Despite, you as an idol should have no problem getting girls you want, don't you? There is no reason for you to force anyone", she reasoned to the best of her abilities. She tried everything she was capable to concoct right now. Anything really, to stop this.

"True. We shouldn't waste our time with someone as pitiful as you"

"Right. Because taking advantage of someone pitiful like me is not up to the standards of an idol", Donghee mumbled, trying her best to concentrate on anything other than the helpless situation she felt stuck in right now. No one paying attention to them and she couldn't possibly scream loud enough for anyone to notice her. And even then, would they think she needed help or she was just another drunk crazy girl.

"Shut up", one of them snarled, agitated by her snarky remarks.

"Just deal with it. We will get what we want anyways", the other explained before putting his hands on her face, watching her every feature closely.

Donghee jumped up to get away, but fell to the floor as her muscles were unable to hold her bodyweight up any longer. She felt a cloud of smoke appear in her mind, her limbs having lost a lot of strength in the last ten seconds. What was happening.

"Don't worry, Donghee. You're sister is in good hands and probably enjoying herself right now. Because she wanted to. Don't get it twisted. It is only you who we need to work on convincing a little more", he said before helping her stand up and smiled at her.

She looked in horror at him before everything turned mushy, scents and sounds mixing together, creating a whirlwind that pulled her down into the darkness.

“It was quite difficult for me to deal with. Even after days past by I was not able to, I just didn´t feel like a human being anymore. Not after what they had done to me. I couldn´t get back up on my feet. It was just all too much. My sister was always by my side, looking completely exhausted. She couldn´t sleep because she blamed herself for this happening. Every time I asked about her she always wanted to cry and told me how sorry she was. By despite everything she never left my side and tried her best even if she was unaware of what I needed. She just continued offering me everything I could ask for. And I mostly didn´t know what to do myself. I just did what felt right and what didn´t. That is something you should try as well. Tell Intak that he should try to tell you what feels right for him and then let him do that. But stay by his side and protect him from destroying himself. That is something that might happen.

That is what happened to me as well. It made my sister break down even more and she vowed she would use her platform and influence as a journalist to make sure that idols would be kept in check, that she would help make people understand that we don´t know and should never blindly trust people we don´t personally know. She wanted to make sure that no one would ever get hurt again because of this”, Donghee finished her long story, noticing how anxious she felt inside again. Reliving all of this would probably never not have an effect on her. No matter how much she pushed the emotions away from herself.

"But she did. She let them hurt Intak. What happened that evening? Do you know anything more about it?", Keeho asked, afraid of the answer.

"I am not quite sure but I think Bok Eunjin drugged him and manipulated everything in the way she would get the most out of this. I always saw her as a good friend, especially after the incident happened, but I don't think I should. She doesn't deserve to have any friends in her life. Yaehee was wrong in assuming that you can just not trust celebrities. Some people you feel close to still turn out to be different. That is just how life works. You need to practice finding good people"

“Sadly, that might be true. But we don´t have the time right now to dwell over those thoughts. What we can do though is be active. We might be able to figure something out to get this done with. I think that is something Intak is yearning for, to get back on track with our schedules”

“If that is so, I will do everything I can do to help you”

“Thank you”

“Sure. Let´s go. Let´s get Intak the justice he needs right now”

Chapter Text

Intak was letting his fingers swiftly move over his phone screen, effectively turning the music up, drowning out any other sound. He just wanted to get lost in it. He began moving around to the beats loudly vibrating in his ears, gaining a sense of normalcy back. At least until his limbs were demanding attention, aching with every move.

It had been about two weeks since the fateful night but most of his bruises were still brightly blooming on his body, marking him for a seemingly endless time, despite some of them being already in the last stages of healing. Too many beautiful colors on his skin, haunting his mind more than the actual events he was unable to remember. He tried to convince his mind that he was just exhausted, that it was muscle ache from spending too many hours in the dance studio, but he knew that that wasn´t true. And he hated it. Normally he would just give it a few days, with his bad memory eradicating everything that wasn´t seen as abundantly important, but he wasn´t too sure it would work that way this time around.

He took a deep breath and turned up the volume once more, trying his very best to drown out his own thoughts. Maybe he was able to not only make the world around shut up but also his own mind. However, as his previous experiences had told him, that wasn´t really an attainable goal. His mind unwilling to stop its constant alarm bells ringing, his thoughts spiraling out of control more and more. He was sick and tired of it.

His last hope was dancing until he was able to dive into the rhythms and hide inside them, protecting him from everything he tried to run away from unsuccessfully.

But that didn´t happen. Despite doing his best, dropping to the floor and jumping up, pushing past the limits of his body in his current condition, he was unable to do that. His mind too strong or annoyingly persistent to be fooled by his tricks. This wasn´t enough. He needed to be back on stage, back in the practice room. Maybe changing the location would make it easier to reach the blissfully empty state of mind he was longing for.

Despite his burning urge to get out he knew he couldn´t. He hadn´t been allowed to leave the dorm over the last couple of days. The others were in smaller quantities, but he hadn´t seen anything but their dorm for far too long, adding just more stress to his already worn out mental state.

“Do you want to rip your ligaments apart by this?”, Jiung suddenly spoke, seeing how the younger was breathlessly dancing in their room, eyes distant and glazed over by something the older wasn´t able to name. It was quite the sight to see. It was so incredibly casual while simultaneously being rather straying from what was deemed normal with their passionate dancer that had always been dancing around wherever he was. However, not in the last week and especially not like this. He was naïve and sometimes too slow when anticipating the risk of what he was doing, but now he seemed to be actively wanting to hurt himself. It would have been a lie if Jiung told himself that he wasn´t worried. Very much so.

Intak was still oblivious to the olders´ presence, he dropped down once more, his left ankle bending to the right, making the younger fall completely down to the floor as pain was shooting up his leg. And for a second that was all his body screamed at him, the constant turmoil in his head stopping for a second.

A sigh escaped the younger, thankful for the pain that seemed to somehow be able to give him some relief. However, as he looked up, he finally noticed his older friend standing next to him, his forehead creased in deep concern. He swiftly took out his earbuds as he saw the lips moving without getting the verbal cues his friend was trying to communicate.

“Talk to me, please Intak. What is going on? Do you really want to hurt yourself?”

“No. I just wanted to dance”, Intak explained, wanting to keep the most vulnerable things to himself. He had been hurt enough already. He wasn´t going to take a risk. Even with the people he held closest to his heart. And maybe even those specifically after what had went down at the meeting.

“Then ask someone to go to the company with you. Maybe dancing in the studio would be better than here”

“Sure. Thanks”, Intak spoke, a lifeless smile plastered on his lips, eyes blankly staring right at the concerned face of his friend, before putting his earbuds back in and trying to stand up. His foot was still hurting slightly, but that was the distraction he was actually quite glad for.

“Don´t”, Jiung tried to stop him but the younger just waved his helping hand away before smiling at him once again and leaving the room to relocate his dancing to another one where he would hopefully wouldn´t attract an audience as quickly.

Jiung watched the younger go without trying to stop him again. It was fruitless anyway. It had been days since Intak hadn´t blocked off all of their efforts to help him, resulting in the younger seemingly getting worse and worse. Jiung wasn´t quite sure what had happened at the meeting but he knew that it couldn´t continue like this. They needed to do something.

He quickly looked for the others, noting the youngest seeming lost in playing games. For days they had been either playing or at the company working on little side projects. But nothing concerning P1Harmonys usual schedules. All of those had been postponed to an uncertain date in the future, making all the members unable to do much of anything right now.

Moving on, he found Keeho and Taeyang sitting in the kitchen, their table looking disturbingly, unusually clean. They had time to be less messy and even if Jiung would enjoy the change, it felt oddly unfamiliar and threatening. This was out of the ordinary. Just like everything else since the morning Intak had been brought back after visiting the fashion show. Everything was wrong since then.

“Jiung?”, Keeho asked as he saw the lost look on the face of the dancer.

“What is going on?”, he continued, trying to ease as smoothly as possible into this conversation.

“Intak. He is still blocking us off. I don´t know what to do”

“Try hugging him. He wouldn´t be able to pass up on that opportunity”, Taeyang bluntly responded, having thought about just doing that way too many times for him to be comfortable with.

“He knows I hate it. Doesn´t matter. I would be open to actually good suggestions, thank you”, they argued. That was an occurrence that was increasing with every passing day with significant worsening of their situation.

“Stop, both of you. It´s not helping”

“Neither do your actions, dear leader”, Jiung shot against Keeho who had tried to break off the impending fight of the other two.

“Jiung. Stop that”

“Why? You didn´t stop this either. You didn´t do enough to..”

“I know. Jiung. I know. Thanks again for reminding me though. My own grueling thoughts weren´t enough for me to deal with to begin with”

“Seemingly not if you let this continue on. Intak is actively hurting himself now. We need to finally do something, anything for that matter. Have you talked with the company?”, Jiung shot back. The three oldest repeatedly fighting over the last couple of days. The atmosphere was tense. They were all stuck in an emotionally overwhelming situation for too many days on end already.

“I did. They said they are still monitoring the impact the release of the picture had. But until now it doesn´t seem like there will be another storm arising. But they want us to lay low for another week before wanting to test the waters. You know, it might be difficult and we need Intak to be back on track but I don´t see that happening right now”, Keeho explained doing his very best to sound as calm as possible, despite his own inner turmoil pushing through the surface more often than he would have liked.

“He can´t. Look at him. He is not the person he once was. The way he is presenting himself right now, that is just a shell of his former self. We can´t allow him to hurt himself any further. He should step back or we need to find another way for him to release some of the tension and fear. He is going to break down otherwise”

“I know. I just. I don´t feel like we can do anything right. Everything I think I knew is being challenged right now and I don´t know how to deal with that”, Keeho acknowledged close to tears that he desperately fought back. He saw no need to make this conversation even more emotionally taxing for everyone involved.

The young boys were sharing quick hurt glances with each other. All of them feeling lost in this situation. Keeho thought back to the conversation he had about this, about how to deal with the consequences the night had for all of them. Han Donghee had tried to help him, providing him with guidance he was desperately looking for, but he noticed that he didn´t know anything. He was supposed to be the one to call the shots. However, simultaneously he felt like he was the one that was most underqualified to do so. This wasn´t it. He needed to change something.

As the hyungs had been stuck arguing once more, the younger two had stopped playing, listening in on their conversation before just stopping all together.

“Do you want to talk to him?”, Jeongseob asked as he watched how still Shota was sitting on the floor, controller laying lifelessly in his hands. The youngest had noticed that his Japanese friend had been lost in his thoughts for days. He had tried to entertain the two of them as their hyungs wanted them to not get involved in what was going on. As if that was even an option to begin with. Jeongseob knew how much the other was suffering in silence. Shota wouldn´t flat out tell him but the rapper had noticed how the older was constantly worried about Intak. Especially now that the oldest in the maknae line was seemingly loosing himself while almost completely distancing himself from his friends.

It was heartbreaking to witness. This whole situation was a mess. Even though their management seemed to be happy about how things had developed, the idols themselves still had to deal with the fallout of it all. Even if it wasn´t shown in the public they had to figure things out, understand Intak and try to find a way to help him.

“I do. But I wouldn´t know what to tell him. I hope he knows he could talk to us if he wants to. We aren´t the hyungs. We wouldn´t be overbearing or be mad. We would just listen”, Shota suddenly spoke up, gaining all of Jeongseob´s attention. The youngest had thought about that too. He wanted to talk to Intak, tell him everything Shota had just said, but somehow that felt so out of question. Maybe he was afraid that the oldest of the maknae line wouldn´t even want him to listen. That would hurt, sure, but he was also certain that he needed to at least make the offer.

Just as his mind tossed this idea around for a little, trying to find the best way to approach the problem, it offered another solution.

“Maybe we could go to the company with him, dance with him. That is what he wants after all, isn´t it? Maybe it can help. And if not, the studios are right around the corner. We could work on some music or even just listen to some. Could help him and us. It would give all of us something to do”

Shota was looking with big eyes at him before slowly nodding, a tight-lipped smile appearing on his lips, showing the hesitant response the older gave the youngest member of P1harmony.

“Let´s ask him”, he responded a little more lively now. He was looking forward to it. He loved dancing with his friends. Dance overall was something he very much enjoyed and trusted in, so he was certain that it could have a positive effect on the older.

They both quickly left their room, the arguing of the older members still too loud in the background, before they went to find Intak. Said boy was currently dancing away, breaking his body and mind in hopes of miraculously finding the cure to his pain. It was too overwhelming and he desperately sought release.

“Intak hyung”, Jeongseob tried to get through the music they could hear the older dancer listening to even though he was wearing earbuds.

“Hyung”, Shota tried as well but they couldn´t get through to Intak by talking to him. The older was just unable to hear it. He had effectively pushed them away and focused solely on his task at hand. They had told him that he wouldn´t be doing anything until further notice anyway so he didn´t know why he would need to communicate with anyone at the moment.

However, as he turned around, he almost collapsed to the ground as he didn´t expect his younger friends to be in the room with him.

“What are you doing here?”, he asked confused, quickly getting his earbuds out.

“We wanted to talk to you”, Jeongseob began but Intak just scoffed before starting to put his earbuds back in. He didn´t want to listen or rather he felt unable to listen to what they had to say. The hurt of the betrayal of his leader still sitting heavily on his mind. He was mad. Not just at Keeho, at all of them. And he wasn´t really sure where that came from. Normally, he wasn´t one to hold a grudge. But apart from the pain there was only anger he was experiencing at the moment.

“Hyung. Please listen to us”, Shota spoke, trying to stop the older dancer from shutting them off again.

“Why should I? Did you ever listen to what I wanted? Oh, sorry. I am being quite inconsiderate right now”, he shot back, venom and pure sarcasm dripping from his tongue. The other two were taken aback. This wasn´t the Intak they knew. This wasn´t the messy, clumsy but kindhearted dancer they all had grown to love over the years. Jeongseob knew that he must still be dealing with what had happened but he hadn´t expected it to show like this.

“You don´t need to listen to us. But we just wanted to tell you that we are on our way to the company and you could tag along. How does that sound?”, Jeongseob offered a little more shyly than he ever would have if the older wouldn´t be showing this side right now.

“No”, Intak quickly responded. They were taunting him, right? As far as he was concerned, he wasn´t exactly allowed to leave their dorm. And he wasn´t sure he wanted to. At this point he had been locked up in there for such a long time that the thought of going back outside, exposing himself to the risk it seemed to come with, was frightening. He felt ridiculous even thinking about the matter like this. He was too dramatic. He had gotten a little roughed up, so what. That happened all the time. It wasn´t like something…something serious had happened, he told himself. He had done that for quite some time and it still sounded off. He hated it. Whatever had happened was long over. Why couldn´t he just let it go? Why was he so determined on trying to figure something out that had no answer? Why did he need to torture himself?

“Think about it. You could dance in the studio all you want. Shota and I could stay or leave you alone. Just how you want it. You could get away from this dorm for once. Don´t you think that would be good?”, Jeongseob advertised their idea the best he could.

And Intak finally let those words in. For a second his mind provided him with pictures of the times that had once been. They had been so beautiful. Intak wanted to cry just thinking about them but he stopped himself before he could. He was torn. He wanted to experience the joy he once had. His heart was screaming at him to do it. He needed release. Any form of pain release that was offered to him. So he quickly nodded. Rushed up in a stream of euphoria and mindlessness. He didn´t think. He couldn´t. This was his chance, maybe his one and only chance to get back into the dance studio as an idol. He didn´t know. But he felt like he needed to experience it one more time. At least one more time.

“Fine. I´ll tag along”

Chapter Text

The music was loudly banging against the heavy door, bouncing between the walls of the dance studio. Finally, after countless days of being locked away, Intak felt like he could breathe once more. His eyes stuck on the mirror, following his limbs move with less grace or power than usual but with just as much passion as ever. Technical skills, he could earn back, but the passion, the very thing he had build his whole self on, was still there, not in need of any mending. He would be fine. Now looking at it, there was no doubt in his mind that it would be just like that.

His head was lost in the music, his racing thoughts finally slowing down a little, giving him the space to breathe comfortably. It felt like salvation. And Intak wanted more. He wanted this to never stop. Being addicted to finally feeling like this again, he looked for the younger two who were still quietly stretching a few feet away from the dancer.

“Would you mind joining in?”, he asked with more hesitancy than he would usually had. But after everything that had happened, this was not really a normal situation. He noticed the way the others were acting around him. And despite of him being thankful for the considerate nature of the others, when all he wished for was wanting to feel normal, that considerate nature was more biting than healing. They were too stuck up on treating him like glass, not noticing that he feel like he had been completely broken. Maybe he was fragile at this moment, he wasn´t too sure on that. But right now he would rather shatter then be put into layers upon layers of material to shield him of from what he once considered his life.

“Sure. If you want us to”, Jeongseob answered, noting the hurt look on Intak´s face, not understanding what that meant. Did the older change his mind? Did he rather stay alone now that they were advancing towards him? Or was it just the way he had responded to the question? Should he have been more gentle? Or even more demanding? He wasn´t too sure and Intak didn´t elaborate on his thoughts one bit. He just smiled shortly before returning his eyes to the mirror.

Shota was already standing next to him, talking to the older about what dance they wanted to try, when Jeongseob joined the two of them. Doing his best to blend in as naturally as possible in this situation that felt oddly tense. However, he wasn´t sure whether he was the one making it tense or even just the only one of the three who would have described the situation as such. Insecurity, uncertainty. Those had been steadily growing over the last few weeks. Shaking up their strong bond.

“Let´s do black hole”, he spoke before he noticed himself speaking up but the other two immediately nodded, their eyes sparking with enthusiasm. Jeongseob was glad that he seemed to have done something right. He hated always thinking about this in advance. But it was better than the other option, right?

Intak changed the music to the song they had mentioned and they immediately got into the formation they all had practiced countless times. It was a well used clockwork being back on time.

After the first one, Intak just let the music run through all their songs, all of them trying their best to remember the dance steps for everyone one of them even if it was quite challenging sometimes. Sure, muscle memory was a strong tool the human body provided, but some of those they had just learned a few years back and never done again. Not once. Until now.

“We should call the others and invite them to join us”, Intak suddenly spoke up as they were taking a short break to hydrate their worn out bodies.

“We should. Let´s call them”, Shota spoke before Jeongseob had a chance to intercept and think about this longer. They weren´t really supposed to be here in the first place. Maybe the older members would be mad. But if Intak wanted it, he guessed it was what they needed to do anyway. They had gotten the passionate dancer out of his self-made walls of protection already. There might be no better time than now to try mending their bond that had been suffering under the current circumstances. And what better than by something they all enjoyed: dancing.

When Shota called their leader, the three oldest were right in the middle of a breakdown, ending abruptly when Keeho told the others that one of the youngest was calling.

“Steph, come and join us at the studio. Intak Hyung, Jeongseob and I have been dancing for a while and wanted you three to tag along”

“What? Why didn´t you call beforehand?”, Keeho asked fighting his bubbling feelings of anger? Fear? He wasn´t sure. Hadn´t been for the last couple of weeks. He had been a mess. They all had and none of them had been good in dealing adequately with their own emotions. But now with Intak being back in the studio, this might actually spark a positive development. And him asking them to join them was something Keeho should have been massively thankful for. And still, inside of him anxiousness remained in the background of his cocktail of emotions.

“Come on, Steph. We will wait for you three to get here”, Shota continued without answering any of the questions the older had directed at him. Shortly after he just hung up, leaving the leader no chance to demand more answers he probably wouldn´t be getting anyway. It was weird but Keeho suddenly felt like this was right, that this was the right direction to move in.

“Get ready to get to the company. The others are in the dance studio. We should join them”, he told the other two who had been closely watching the reactions of the older to the phone call he had just made.

“What is this, Keeho?”, Taeyang asked, annoyance breaking through in his tone of voice.

“Let´s go”, he spoke joyfully, trying his best to lighten the atmosphere around the three of them. And it did need some convincing before the others finally agreed and got ready.

When they finally arrived at the company, the other three were just getting back into dancing. They had made a short break that they had spent with some chatter. It was close to something Jeongseob would have considered normal. Something they would have done in a usual training session.

“Hyung”, Intak said and stopped as soon as he noticed the older ones getting inside. As if he had forgotten asking them to come along, but rather than that he had just tried to not think about it. He knew he had disappointed all of them and was continuing to do just that and it made him anxious getting to see that hurtful expression on their faces. Especially on Taeyangs. Jiung might forgive him, Keeho would probably too but Taeyang was someone he couldn´t tell if that was in the spectrum of possibilities. And he was afraid of loosing his friend. His mind was a mess. He didn´t know what to feel right now and his thoughts were restlessly bouncing around from issue to issue, adding to the intensity of feeling awful.

“Let´s get to dancing before we risk another fight”, Taeyang suddenly spoke up, putting his bag down and moving closer to the mirror to warm up. A thankful smile was quickly showing up on Intak´s features before he reminded himself that this wasn´t over yet. He needed to stay alert. Maybe another argument was just on the horizon and the peace they seemed to enjoy was as fragile as it felt like. But maybe Intak was wrong in that assumption. Maybe this was the new starting point for all of them.

“Right. Let´s go”, Keeho said with joy bouncing around aimlessly in his voice before he stepped next to Shota, quickly thanking the younger for the brilliant idea before warming up as well.

As they got to practicing, the routine was coming back to them fairly quickly. They had spent so many hours practicing together in this room that it had weirdly regular feel to it all. But as the hours went along, they were finally spotted by someone, not anyone but a certain someone who wasn´t all too pleased at seeing him.

“What the hell are you all doing here? Wasn´t it clear for Intak to stay in the dorm? What got into you?”, he suddenly entered the room with heavy steps that were thundering with a dark omen.

Keeho looked shocked as one of their managers was stopping just right before him and the other boys. His eyes showing the sternness his voice had been portraying mere seconds ago.

“We wanted to move on. Didn´t you say that the picture didn´t stir up much more steam? Maybe it is time for us to get back into working, to practicing. We need to move on otherwise it will more and more difficult. You know how this business works. One day you are the most interesting, newest toy to play with and the next your uninteresting. We shouldn´t risk getting tossed aside for another group so easily”, Keeho argued, giving his best to quickly present a perspective their manager would agree with. Maybe he wasn´t thrilled about Intak being back in the studio, whether that was about him dancing despite his still healing injuries or just because he was told not to leave, didn´t really matter. What truly mattered was how they would move on from this point. And Keeho just knew that working, being back in the studio as the six-piece they were, was helping mending their strained relationships.

“I get that. But you should have told me. I would have talked with the higher management about their plans. Imagine them finding you here and seeing at as defiance”, he began but Taeyang jumped in.

“Good. They should. What good does locking us in our dorm rooms do? We are gone from the eye of the general public. I get that. But apart from that? Don´t you think working idols are better idols than once who just sit out and watch the industry moving along without them?”

“Taeyang, you talk like its been months. It has only been a few weeks”, the manager answered, sensing the unresolved conflict in the room, the frustration and the uncertainty in the boys that had been building up.

“Because it as well be months before we see the light at the end of the tunnel when it continues to move forward like they want it. Don´t you think we should think about continuing our scheduled events in the US? They wouldn´t be as obsessed with this “scandal” because they have other issues they focus much more on. Don´t you think this is the best option for a soft reboot in a future that is relatively soon?”

The manager standing opposite of the six boys was taking a deep breath. Taeyang was probably right and he remembered talking with the other managers about this possibilities. But he had wanted to wait for Intak to step forward to show them that he was ready to move back to being on stage. He hadn´t considered it happening so quickly but he wasn´t one to complain about it. But despite this, he needed a definite answer before bringing this issue back to the higher management.

“Intak, do feel good enough to get back on stage? Have your injuries healed enough? How do you feel mentally?”, he asked cautiously looking at the younger who was still profusely sweating, seemingly back at dancing for multiple hours at this point.

“I´m fine and I would like to continue on with our scheduled tour stops in the US”, he answered shortly, trying to get the most important message across without trapping himself in a net of his feelings. He felt like that was something that would end badly if he stepped too close and allowed himself to be swallowed. But maybe he was wrong about that. He couldn´t know, right?

“Fine. I will talk with them”, the manager finally stated, ready to turn around but Keeho instantly stepped along.

“Please let me be a part of that discussion to accurately represent our perspective and our wishes”

“Sure. Why not. Let´s go”, the manager nodded, before going on, Keeho quickly following him out of the dance studio, leaving the other five on their own.

As the door closed behind the two, the silence was quickly spreading throughout the room. At least until Jeongseob spoke up.

“And what do we do now?”

“Get back to dancing of course. Let´s go”, Taeyang stated as if that answer was the only thing that seemed logical.

So they did just that. Despite them all being already tired, they continued on. They needed to get back in perfect shape if they would start their tour stops in the US in a few weeks. And they desperately hoped they would. But hoping wasn´t enough. They needed confirmation that they could continue on.

And finally the answers were walking back into the room in the form of their leader who seemed torn. He looked at his members, a shallow smile gracing his lips as the others immediately stopped and crowded around him.

“What is it?”

“What did they say?”

“I don´t know where to start”, Keeho began, a nervous hand rubbing along his still slightly sweaty neck.

“At the most important part, you dumbass”

“Well, it is complicated”, their leader stated, looking the others dead in the eyes. All of their hope seemingly crashing under the words that were going to be shared between them at this very important moment in time.

Chapter Text

“Why? Why is it complicated. God damn it, Keeho, just spit it out”, Taeyang mumbled agitated, the stress levels rising so much that it made him want to jump his leader if he wasn´t going to give him an answer soon.

“Well, it isn´t that easy. I have talked with them. They want to talk with Intak, get a second opinion on his current condition before letting us go to the US. But I am pretty sure they want us to finish the schedule. They are just afraid of possibly hurting us or the group´s image by going forward. But they face the same fears even if they resulted to canceling it. In a crisis situation like this, one must carefully consider everything that is to be seen and thought about. So, Intak, what do you say? Should we do this?”, the leader looked at the younger who was staring him down, eyes focused on him and still a mile away from all of them.

“Yes, of course. Let´s do it”, he suddenly burst out full of conviction. Intak was sure this was the right path to forget everything that still plagued his mind.

“Good. Then we will go forward with contributing in the scheduled events. You should see a doctor soon to asses your physical as well as you mental state. And remember that you can always drop out if you feel like it is getting too much, ok? We love you to be with us on stage but if it would hurt you on your recovery journey, we wouldn´t want that for you, ok?”

“I know, Hyung”, Intak nodded along, sweat dripping down his exhausted looking features but his eyes still held a gleam of joy. He was getting his footing back. Little by little he would do it.

“Great. Than let´s go”, Jiung spoke before getting back to practice. They all did. Enjoying the thrill thinking about their next concerts brought them. All of them had already prepared themselves to cancel them all, had tried their very best to keep their emotions regarding that in check but now that it seemed to turn out just fine, the sudden burst of energy was spreading through the room and creating the magic they usually just shared on stage, when everything just fell into all the right places.

When they stopped once more, one of their managers had stepped inside and was watching them carefully, who immediately used the silence to speak up.

“I heard about you inquiry for the company to continue with your schedules. I am looking forward to it. We already scheduled a couple visits at a local hospital for you, Intak. We want you to stay healthy throughout it. Apart from that, we only have a few weeks left to get back into the groove of the concerts. But as I was able to see, you seem to remember most of what was important. Despite that, we will schedule the dance practices with the background dancers and revise the tour choreography before we can move on. You know the gist of it all. Those will be a few hectic weeks. Be prepared. I am glad that you all feel good enough to continue on with the original schedules. I am looking forward to it all”, he spoke with a professional smile staying on his lips throughout it all. After that he continued on with the work that was now needed to be taken care of.

And despite them all knowing how stressful tour preparations could be, this time it both seemed even more exhausting but also even more rewarding. They treasured the hours they had together, slowly mending their crumbling relationships. But they all also noticed the tension that was still present. With everything that had went down in the last weeks they were afraid of the public perception they would have to experience, afraid of what their fans might say, if they would even turn up to their concerts. They knew that certain scandals were perceived differently by international and Korean fans but that didn´t mean that all of them were like this. What would happen if the fans present had believed the lies? What would they do then?

When Intak went to the hospital to get his weekly health check up, he was always tense about the results. He didn´t know if the medical professionals would have the power of prohibiting him from performing, from getting back to work, but he also wasn´t too eager to find out if they did. He hoped that stepping back on the stage, in front of their fans would be the final missing puzzle piece to feel like his usual self fully once more. Being back in the studio was helping a lot but nothing could top being on stage. This was his job, his passion after all. And he didn´t want anyone to stop him from persuing it with all he had to give. Despite the others still casting him countless worried glances whenever they were dancing, afraid that he would end up hurting himself either physically or mentally be going forward. They didn´t seem to think he was truly ready to move on. And even if he might at times be wary of that too, he would have wanted them just to believe in him like they had done before. He would do it. But his team mates, his friends, seemed to doubt it.

Overall, they were still more or less hovering around potentially touchy subjects and actions. Afraid of doing something wrong, afraid of hurting the thin layered peaceful atmosphere they protected. Despite that though especially Shota was doing his very best with his wild antics and ideas shining through every hour they spend while preparing together.

“Intak”, one of the managers suddenly spoke up, his hands resting around his phone while he abruptly stopped their current practice. It was the last one in their normal dance studio of the company. They would have about three days of practice in a bigger place with all their backup dancers before heading to the US to start their next tour leg.

“Yes?”, the younger asked, nervousness immediately breaking out inside of him. If only his name was called out his mind had learned to be tense, to anticipate something, anything that would not be desirable. Something he needed to be prepared for in the best way possible. He wasn´t too keen on noticing this change in behaviour in himself but he had worked to accept it. He couldn´t do anything to change it now. And just hoped that with each passing day, the remnants of the past would wither away into a common occurrence he would grow accustomed to.

“Could you please follow me? We need you to be present at a meeting regarding your case”, the manager spoke leaving little room for any disagreements. However, one of the boys still dared to speak up.

“Why? What happened?”, Taeyang´s voice was strong, demanding to be taken seriously. That was something that had been festering inside him since it all went down. Everything concerning one of their own he wanted to know what was going to happen. He wouldn´t take shit from anyone.

“We just want to discuss the lawsuit we were preparing ourselves for over the last couple of weeks. So his presence at the meeting is just to make sure he is informed of all the steps the company will take in his stead while you are away in the US. So let´s go. We shouldn´t make them wait any longer”, the manager explained with every last ounce of patience left in him.

“I want to come along”, Taeyang spoke up once more. He was afraid of them triggering the dancer once more and wanted to make sure that someone was at the very least by his side when they would do it.

“Fine. Just tag along. But we need to hurry”, the manager gave up easily, his eyes focused on his phone. So Taeyang just came along with Intak who was looking like a lost puppy, making little stabs reappear in the olders´ heart. He wished this would all just end. The younger should just be able to return to his happy, go lucky self and not be constantly brought back to a past he himself could not remember but had to face the repercussions for. It was just so incredibly unfair. But because Taeyang wasn´t one to blindly believe in the impossible, he wanted to try and cushion each fall the younger would have to take because of this.

When they finally entered the meeting room, the two idols were met by the legal representatives of their label, all sitting neatly in their suits contrasting the worn out sweatpants the two had opted for considering they had only anticipated meeting each other in the dance studio. But now in the face of the man in their formal attire, they felt massively underdressed for the occasion.

“Please take a seat. We would like to move forward quickly. We all probably have somewhere else to be and something else to do”, one of the men said, sparking an uncomfortable feeling in Taeyang´s chest. Intak felt just the same. This was too personal even if it seemed to be not personally taxing at all. It was just odd.

“Ok. We searched for every information and last bit of evidence we could use to present a strong case in front of the court. However, we had to notice that it is quite limited. The video evidence we have, was illegally taken making it unusable in the courtroom. Considering how difficult it is to even prove the physical assault case, even with the medical records, we decided to drop the sexual assault claims. We don´t have anything to make them believe it happened. Not even the victims statement. So, if you are fine with it, Hwang Intak, we will move forward with the physical assault claim and try to get a good result with it. Considering the defamation case, we are still working hard on presenting a strong case in that too. Please be patient just a little longer and we are confident to be able to present you with satisfying results”

Taeyang was struggling to take in a full breath. They hadn´t told Intak about their theories concerning that night. They didn´t want him to spiral any further. Suddenly he felt even more glad that he had insisted on coming here with the younger. A tentative hand moved towards the dancer but before he was able to reach him, Intak´s voice was already speaking once more, seemingly recovered from the initial shock.

“That is fine. Please proceed like this. If that is all, I would like to return to our practice”, he spoke, before standing up, quickly bowing and making his way towards the door. Taeyang quickly followed him, stunned by the cold reaction of the younger. He had expected screaming, crying maybe. But Intak seemed calm and the singer was unsure of whether or not that was a good sign.

“Intak?”, he addressed him as they were both quickly moving back in the direction of their dance practice studio.

“Yes? What is it?”

“What just happened? Are you fine?”

“Sure, why shouldn´t I be? They seemed pretty well prepared and evaluated the chances they had with each different approach. They will handle it just fine”

“You could tell them if you want them to do something differently, you know? You are allowed to spend time on this. No need to rush to get back to our tour dates in the states”

“I know. I just don´t want to get involved in this further”

“But why?”, Taeyang asked confused by the younger´s reaction to what had just told to the both of them. And finally Intak stopped in his tracks, turned around and looked at the older.

“What do you want me to do, Taeyang Hyung? And why exactly do you want me to show that exact reaction? Maybe that is something you should think about before being so confused about what I am providing you with. Think about that hyung? Do you want me to cry? Do you want me to scream and make a big scene because of this? And if so, why? Why can´t you just accept that I don´t care all too much about a past that slipped away from my mind. That isn´t mine to begin with. We bother gaining something back that wasn´t mine from the start? Why can´t you let me move on? Get back to the one thing that gives me strength? The one thing I am deeply passionate about? Is that somehow hurting you? Is it?”

Taeyang was stunned, unable to move or respond, any possible response had already escaped his reach, his mind blank. He just stood there as he watched the retreating figure of the younger dancer. Was he right? Was Taeyang projecting whatever idea he had formed in his head of how the younger should react to any new information coming out on him? And if so, why? What was the reason? Wanted he to feel needed because he could take care of the younger if he made him out to be in need of care? He wasn´t too sure.

However, no matter the reason, he felt like he was finally getting closer to the solution of their problem. The problem that had bloomed that night was finally offering a different way to get to a new beginning. Or maybe this was just a mirage they had collectively created through sheer desperation

-------------------------------

Yaehee was quickly skimming over the text she had just written about the idol who she hadn´t been able to forget for the last couple of weeks. Her decisions of the past still heavily weighing her down, making it hard to continue with her usually cheerful outgoing work performance. She was hesitant, was thinking deeply before writing anything. It was strange. She hadn´t been like this since it happened. Since it happened years ago.

“What are you eyeing down so much? Is it something your colleague wrote once again? Is it that bad?”, Donghee asked as she put down a cup of coffee next to her sister who had spent much more time at home writing there. Effectively spending much more time with her younger twin in the process. However, it was also affecting the already torn relationship she had with her boss after demanding her article about Intak to be taken down.

“I just try to figure out if this is good enough to post the way it is”, Yaehee honestly reported to her sister.

“Let me have a look. Maybe hearing my opinion can help you figure out how you feel about it”, Donghee offered and Yaehee allowed her twin to read through the text she had written as something akin to a peace offering.

“What? Why did you write this?”, Donghee asked after she had finished reading through the lines.

“Some outlets are writing about them continuing their tour like originally scheduled despite his scandal. I wanted to offer a different approach to the topic, make them understand what had truly happened better”

“Do you still feel guilty about what you did?”, Donghee asked, knowing her sister considerably well, at least when it came to this.

“No. I just don´t want another wave of hate to reach him so quickly after that. I know I messed up in trying to protect people from them but I want to make it up, I want to do something to help him get back what I wrongfully took from him”

“I mean, I guess. And considering it wasn´t even true, I guess it is kind of the right thing to do. To right out your wrongs. Still. I don´t know if you should publish it like that. Maybe coming from the same person who first posted about the story would make your words and therefore the different perspective even more unbelievable. The public would just think you were bought by the label or that it is a PR stunt. I don´t know how much good this would actually help Intak or it would rather just help your aching conscience”

“What? No. I am sure the people would understand. I am sure they would see it as the original journalist being convinced by the evidence that was shared. This would help. Trust me”, Yaehee spoke, a lifeless laugh hanging on her thinly stretched lips.

“The evidence that no one will ever get to see. You should stop Yaehee. It is not helping. We all make mistakes and despite yours doing quite some damage, you can´t really undo it. You should just learn from it and change your ways of thinking”

“It doesn´t matter. No matter how I act, how I view this situation and the one back then, I always tend to make the wrong decision. It doesn´t matter how much I try to change, how much I try to avoid making the same mistakes again, I still end up in a worst place. Why can´t I get one thing right for once?”

“I didn´t say that”, Donghee tried to pull back but Yaehee was already lost in her own thoughts once again.

“No, you were absolutely right with that. Thanks, Donghee. But I can´t just stop. I need to do something to make this right. I couldn´t back then with you but now I feel like I finally can”

"No, Yaehee, stop. You should focus on a different topic. Let them deal with this"

"I will find the evidence to prove his innocence once and for all. Watch me make this right. Ok. I know you don´t trust me and you have every reason to do so but please let me do this. Let me show the world what truly happened. Just this once I will finally do what is right"

Chapter Text

A cheerful laugh rang through the silence of the performance venue. Intak was hunched over, laughing loudly about the words Shota had just shared with all of them, being completely random but always very pointedly the only logical thing the Japanese would ever say. He was their ball of reason in the most random moments while simultaneously being their biggest and best entertainer at any other time. The duality as most would like to coin it was the one thing that made him the one true Shota.

“Don´t do this. You will hurt yourself”, Taeyang coldly spoke as he watched the younger try to do some stupid stunt he would proud himself on doing once the concert would start. It was just another way for the younger to make the nerves go down. All of them felt it. It was the heavy atmosphere of a future unknown to them approaching in a tempo that was making it impossible to ignore its presence. Despite that they held on, concentrated on what was important and used the short breaks in between that to get comfortable back on stage after the weeks they had just went through. The night it all happened feeling less and less significant to them.

However, it still mattered. As they were getting back to practice, Yaehee was on her way to Bok Eunjin. She needed to talk to the older woman, needed to understand what was going on, understand what she needed to do in order for the older to admit what they had done to Intak, to give everyone involved closure on this matter. The familiar feeling of shame and her conscience weighing her down, making it almost impossible to find a place and time to rest, to forget and move forward like the boys had fought to do. It was on her once again. She had done something thinking it was the right thing to do only for it to have horrible consequences. This had to stop. She would make sure it would.

“Eunjin”, she said as soon as she entered the working atelier the older was mostly found working on her own creations on those few moments she had for herself. Her dream of being a fashion designer that was more well known and respected still helplessly brewing inside of her. Even if she had only faced failure for years. She wasn´t ready to let go of it yet.

“Han Yaehee, I wasn´t expecting to see you here”, the older said as she stopped working on the project she had been fully focused on. A dress, dark as night with sparkles of something akin to stars, or other flying objects that screamed, dreamy, light, airy. The cut of the dress did too. Just in a different way. If Yaehee hadn´t been so hell bend on talking about that fateful night, she would have noticed and admired once more what the older had created. She was talented, no doubt. Yaehee had told her that countless of times. But Eunjin had always resulted to her standard response of “it doesn´t matter. I only get to make those on my own, for myself. It´s not my job. It is worthless”.

“I needed to talk to you”, Yaehee said, voice shaky and bright, fear and stress shining through it.

“Sure. What is it?”, Designer Yong´s assistant spoke, a tentative smile plastered on her lips.

“Do you remember the night of the fashion show? That, that is what I need to talk to you about”, she explained shortly, without saying much at all, trying her best to not let the older shut down before she had a chance to say what she wanted to.

“I do. Of course I do. Those are the nights that are the most stressful and also the most rewarding. I remember all of them since I started working for designer Yong”

“Yeah, I remember that. Was it five years ago? You were so thrilled. Told us that this would be the most important step towards your dream of being a designer of your own”

“It was. Quite some time ago, now that I think about it. Those were different times. But I am still glad for the chance to work with one of the best designers our country has to offer”

“One of the best considering the art he creates, sure. But when I think about what happened that night I would like to question whether or not he is one of the best in treating his staff and audience members”

“What do you mean?”, the other asked, showing only her most innocent looking smile, a smile that infuriated Yaehee to no end. She felt horrible for weeks, had suffered so much because of what she had done but the person she had always trusted, had always loved from the bottom of her heart and that had used that trust Yaehee had in her to make her do the worst thing possible to deflect from what she helped the two men do to the young idol, was not feeling one ounce of self-awareness and regret.

“I know designer Yong was behind the drugging of Hwang Intak. Behind that and the abuse and whatever else you let them do to this young man, a barely legal idol you invited because he liked the fashion designer Yong creates, just for you all to use him for your own wishes against his will. I now am able to see what kind of a human being he is. What he has done. What you helped him do. I know but I don´t understand. Please help me understand before I turn insane”, Yaehee spoke, all professionalism she prouded herself on because of her work in journalism flying out the window. She was laying bare, showing her true self as she watched her friend not even move a muscle, just slightly pulling up her defensive walls little by little.

“I am sorry Yaehee, maybe I should call Donghee. She should pick you up. You seem confused”

“I am not. I am just hurt by what you did. You were there, back then. You were by our side, helped us when we, when Donghee was hurt and struggled to get back up. You know what this does to people and you still went along with it. And not just this time, right? You did this over and over again. Not even blinking when you watched them hurt him”

“I didn´t watch them. I am not sick”

“But you still helped them. Why?”

Eunjin looked at her, Yaehee´s desperation making her want to open up and talk but she knew that that would be the end of her dream. She would never be able to work in this field as an assistant let alone a designer if she spoke up now. She had done everything for the last five years. She was far too involved in all this mess to back down now and let her selfish wishes guide herself into just more trouble. She shouldn´t. She had already risked her job by not being able to control Yaehee the way she had thought she could. Designer Yong had threatened her to be more careful, to make better arrangements. She wasn´t sure how she could do that but she needed to make it work. She needed to demonstrate her value over and over to remain in her position, to not loose the one dream she had been working towards since forever.

“We should not talk about this. How have you two been lately”, she spoke, trying her best to ignore the biting feeling in her chest. If everything was lost, she could at the very least rely on her ability to shut down her emotions. She needed to. She needed to survive this crisis. She had to continue on. She was just one step away from getting what she wanted. But as she watched her younger friend fight the tears it felt like stabbing herself. And it thrusted her back to a time she had forgot.

Oct 10th 2016

It was late afternoon, Eunjin was working through the design options she was meant to sent in for the job applications as well as looking through the emails that had been sent back by several magazines and designers. Barely a few months were left until she was finally finished with her design studies and she would be able to go out there and conquer the world. She knew it would be difficult but her eyes were set on her target. She knew what needed to be done to get what she wanted and she wasn't going to shy away from getting her fingers dripping with blood.

But when she got the call she jumped up. She hadn't heard from either of the twins for days and wasn't expecting anything. But when she saw Yaehee's name on the screen she had the sinking feeling that it couldn't be too good.

She went over to them, talked with them, cooked them something to eat, both seemingly fully out of whatever reality they were living in. It scared her. So she stayed for a few days, caring for the two sisters when no one else was around. She took it upon herself to take care of them, skipping a few of her last college days because she didn't feel comfortable enough to leave them on their own.

“Eunjin Unnie. Please tell me what happened. I can´t deal with this any longer. It is just like back then. When Donghee was hurt. You remember the time, right?”

Eunjin shook her had, desperately shaking away the thoughts that fought tooth and nail to stay, to haunt her. She had seen first hand what it could do. No, she needed to stop. That needed to be done. They could deal with it. People who worked hard enough, would get what they deserve. If she just worked hard enough, she would get her own fashion line with designer Yong. He had promised her that much. And that would be the start of her own fashion brand. She could do it. She would prove them all wrong. Maybe not all the means on her way there were morally fine but the end would justify it all. It would.

“You know how much it destroyed us. How can you let them do it over and over again and make sure the victims are so out of it that they would never be able to remember, never be able to speak out about what happened, never be able to fight back when you strip them of everything that one human would protect throughout everything. If you ever cared about us, please, you have to tell me why. I need to know what I supported unknowingly”

“You shouldn´t. Save yourself the trouble and go home to Donghee. Don´t make her worried about you. She would. You know her. She would be worried about her older twin running around instead of focusing on her job. Don´t make her sad. She doesn´t deserve it after what you did to her”

Yaehee couldn´t breathe. It felt like the air was stuck in her throat, wanting to squeeze the life out of her for what she had done. Eunjin was right. She had done this. She should stop. She needed it all to stop, she couldn´t continue on any longer. This was just torture. She was torturing herself after she had done the same to her sister. She was not even worth the air her own body was not allowing her to take.

“Breathe”, Eunjin tried to get through to her younger friend, she had grown to love so much. She hadn´t meant to hurt her this much. She just needed her to stop, so attacking the most vulnerable point the younger had, seemed like the easiest option. But being an easy punch to throw by somehow who knew came with its own set of consequences. She was aware she would never have the same relationship with the younger as before. This was the final nail in the coffin. After she had used the trust the younger had in her for manipulating her to make her write the article about Intak, this was the last thing she needed to do to end it all.

She tried her best to calm Yaehee down and push down any more emotions. It was for the better if they would never see each other again. Yaehee would not dare her, not tempt her to spill her best kept secrets. That would just end badly for the both of them. For all of them in fact. Designer Yong could not be brought down by them. It was a simple fact but one Eunjin had learned to understand the more she worked with the designer, the more she had helped him with the “fun” he liked to have after the fashion show, after a grueling six months of constant work and stress were coming to an end. It was just the way it was. There was no changing that. And she feared the day one would dare to do just that.

“It´s fine. Try to breathe. You are not dying today”, she felt stupid while saying all of this. But she felt uncomfortable. When no one was questioning her decisions she was able to justify them easily. It was a task she had mastered in the years she had been on this path. But when one of her close friends, one of the very few people she would even consider people close to her, was beginning to question her, it would take much more energy to keep going without looking anywhere other than that one goal. Did she even make sense anymore. She wasn’t sure. But eventually it didn´t matter. It had to not matter for her to be able to continue on.

She would just call Donghee and make sure they would not bother her again. She should forget the twins. She needed to. As her eyes looked up at the creation she had been working on, the dark dress with the white, glittering speckles like stars, she felt herself loose a tear on that. But in order to make it work, she needed them to forget. She needed Intak and his group members, their company and everyone else involved to forget, to leave the past to do its designated job. It was for the best. For them all.

Chapter Text

“What did you even think you could gain by going there? By talking to her?”, Donghee scolded her, she had done just that for a considerably long time. Yaehee was trying her best to hold herself together, to cover the tear tracks that threatened to expose her to her younger twin sister. She would not dare to show her. She shouldn´t worry about her. Yaehee didn´t deserve that. Not after what she had done. She felt like until this moment in time this guilt she had to bare, had become her sole personality trait, her only reason to justify her existence . She lived to right out the horrible things she had done.

“Yaehee, I know you feel ashamed and I know I had a heavy hand in making you feel that way but could you please look at me? Are you ok?”, Donghee asked, voice hesitant, aware of the damage she had done but simultaneously unable to figure out the best way to deal with it. Yaehee, for better or for worse, was usually the one who took responsibility for everything. Even though they were just a few minutes apart Yaehee had been the one to take responsibility for everything since the very beginning. Since they had moved away from their village to study in the big city of Seoul, Yaehee had dealt with most of the heavy lifting. Donghee had always just been there, not doing much to help her sister who seemed to enjoy baring the responsibility.

“I am sorry”, Donghee suddenly said out of the blue, which finally resulted in Yaehee looking up, wide-eyed at her sister. Donghee was shocked seeing the full extent of what her older twin had been through. Her face puffy and red from all the crying, eyes still teary and so incredibly hurt. The younger twin immediately felt like crying herself. She had used the years to try her best to heal herself by hurting her sister but never seemed to have stopped to think about what she had thereby done to her twin. Now, being confronted with that, she felt horrible. Like she had been the true villain of their story after all.

“Don´t be. I am sorry for hurting you over and over again”, Yaehee quickly spoke, trying her best to control the situation, to get back to the safety of what she knew, of what was the usual thing to happen.

“You didn´t. I am sorry for accusing you of being responsible for what happened. I am sorry for using you in order to heal myself from the trauma of what happened. I have been a horrible sister ever since we moved to Seoul. I am sorry for hurting you without even noticing. You shouldn´t apologize. I am the one who should”

“No, no. Don’t say that. You were right back then. I am the reason you were hurt back then. And I am still the reason you get hurt now. I just can´t seem to get it right. I am sorry”

“Yaehee, stop”

“No, you shouldn´t do this. We were fine the way we handled things so far”

“We weren´t. You are hurting and I am sure you have been without me noticing for a long time. I´m sorry I didn´t do anything. Me being hurt should not justify me acting like this towards you. We were both hurt back then. And instead of standing together and supporting each other, I used you to make me feel better”

“You were hurt. It´s fine”

“You were too”

“No, it wasn´t like that. I was fine. They didn´t force me. They never did. They didn´t hurt me, they didn´t do anything like what they did to you”

“What did they do, you never told me”

“Nothing, we just slept with each other. Nothing more. Please stop talking about this. I don´t, I can´t”, Yaehee whispered almost without being able to get through it. It was painful despite the time, despite what she had trained herself to do, to think. Being able to do that in front of her sister was something completely different.

“You don´t need to tell me now, I just want to understand what you have been dealing with. I know I am late but after everything you have done for me back then and literally since forever, I would like to repay the favor even slightly. I know I can´t repay you for what I have done, but please give me a second chance. I promise I won´t waste it”

Yaehee looked at her, tears slowly dripping from her hurting eyes, rubbed raw in an attempt to forcefully make them stop spreading tears over her flushed cheeks. It felt like one of her dreams, one moment where her sister finally started to show her that she cared about Yaehee, that she was more than just the easy one to blame whenever there was a need for someone like that. But she knew how this story would end. This had always turned into a nightmare, a nightmare she had desperately wanted to come true and one she wanted to avoid at all cost in fear of it turning out to be much worse than she could ever anticipate.

“I don´t know”

“Please”

“Fine. I will tell you my story. But please promise me you will not feel guilty. You aren´t. I was responsible back then and I still am today. I have accepted that so please don´t try to take that away from me because you feel bad, ok? Deal?”

Donghee hesitated, afraid of what her sister would tell her once she agreed. But she couldn´t hesitate. She would not do that and thereby show Yaehee that she would disobey her wishes.

“Ok. Deal”

----------

“Are you ready?”, Keeho asked as he looked at all of them separately, sparing them all a cautious glance, hoping to make them all feel seen and comfortable enough to go on stage. They had each other´s backs. He hoped they knew it and would find the needed courage to go back on that stage the same way they had left it a couple of months ago.

“Hell yeah!”, Jeongseob softly expressed while he smiled warmly at the others.

“Then let´s go. Cut the talking Keeho”, Jiung bluntly spoke before they gathered in their usual greeting, gathering the energy they needed for the concert.

Intak used his height to envelope them closely, enjoying the moment. He had been focusing on the performance, going over the dance moves endlessly to reassure himself that he had not forgotten, that he still would be able to stand up there and impress, to show the best sides of him. Pep talking himself through the next minutes until they finally started with the first song, he felt the usual rush of adrenaline push through his veins, making him even more focused, ride on the wave of the moment just the same as he always had.

He wasn´t sure what he had expected to happen but the cheers he got was definitely not one of the possibilities he had seriously considered, just hoped for in his weaker, more doubtful moments. This was much better than anything he thought was actually in the realm of possibility.

However, when they had finished the opening and were supposed to say a few words he struggled a little more than usual. Unsure whether or not to use English and get out of the situation with the excuse of his English vocabulary being limited or to result to Korean, but then needing the interpreter to step in who could alter the message by using specific vocabulary he wasn´t aware of. He knew he shouldn’t say too much, not tell them about anything that had happened as he could get a counter lawsuit of defamation in return. And he wanted to forget. He had forgotten. The event had lost its initial power. Because if there was anything Intak was good at, it was forgetting.

“Hello, I am Hwang Intak”, he began and resulted to speaking in English with what he knew, with what uneventful things he could articulate through it.

Once he was done with his more than usual ment, he felt a supporting hand from Jeongseob on his back. He wasn´t sure about the implication the younger wanted to communicate by doing this but he knew it didn´t matter. What did matter though was the unwavering support he was eternally thankful for. And he would make sure to tell them some day.

All things considered, the concert went well, leaving them all more relaxed to see their fears hadn´t come true. Despite the things that had happened, there were still people who were there to cheer them on, people who seemed to care enough to show up and not insult them every waking hour of the day. Seeing the comments online had made them believe in a different reality. Not many cared to hate him or the group over all, even if the amount of hateful messages and comments would suggest something else.

“That was great. Well done everyone”, one of the managers said as they sat down in the backstage area, tired, breathless and unable to do anything at the moment. Once the high of performing was vanishing, they could feel their exhaustion biting through their muscles, making moving painful.

“Is everyone fine?”, Keeho asked looking at his members sweating and worn out bodies and faces.

Intak just watched as they continued on with their after-concert-mechanisms. Packing up, getting ready to head back to their hotel rooms. He shed a few tears, exhaustion and all the emotional stress finding its outlet.

“Intak, what is wrong?”, Keeho immediately asked.

“I am so happy that I have you all by my side. Thank you so much”, he spoke without sparing one thought about anything else.

“Of course”, Keeho responded without question and pulled him into a tight hug. Usually Intak would have never let this opportunity to tease their leader pass, telling them how much he was sweating or how gross this was, but he just felt too thankful to immediately shoot out such a rude response. But nonetheless, his brain was hardwired on teasing the older so it eventually came after a few additional seconds.

“Maybe you should go and visit a shower. Having you up close makes me wonder how p1eces were able to not run away from you. You stink”

If he was honest, this was one of his weaker jabs, but still enough to get a heartless puff out of his leader before he put some distance between the two and smiled at him for a split second before returning the jab. Back to normal, the leader thought thankful for how things had developed. He was convinced it was all back to normal. However, another member wasn´t so sure about it.

So when they finally got back to their hotel rooms, had showered and tried to calm down from the intense adrenaline high of the show, Taeyang was cautiously eyeing Intak. He had done that since the night the younger had been brought back to their dorm after the fashion show, looking completely different from what he looked like before. Some of that glowing youthful attitude was back but he still had his doubts the younger wasn´t just pushing down any lasting impact it still had on him.

“You good?”, he asked as Intak settled down next to him in the bed. His hair was a mess, his jumper also haven seen better days but it didn´t matter in the safety of their hotel room. Here, there was no one to impress, no one to judge them on their attire. And that somehow made Taeyang feel confident enough to push this topic. He had thought about the words the younger had thrown at him the last time and wanted to see if they would be able to find a common ground. If they would be able to figure this out just like everything else had seemed to be.

“Sure. Exhausted but apart from that. What about you?”, Intak responded with a sweet smile dancing on his face that showed how exhausted the younger truly was.

“Seems kind of odd being back on stage after what happened”, Taeyang mumbled as he searched for a comfortable laying position in their hotel bed.

“So you want to talk about that, don´t you? You ain´t fooling me with this little act of yours”, Intak kocked his head to the side, watching the older spread his limbs widely on the covers.

“Wasn´t my plan to begin with. I wouldn´t fool around concerning this. Though even though if I were, you would have been an easy victim. But I would have done it in a way that would have made it possible for you to notice before the plan is in full play”

“I doubt it. Really but go on. I wouldn´t want to destroy your plans before they come into full fruition”

“Fine. Are you ok? Like really ok? Like mentally fine. I feel anxious as soon as we are back on stage. So I would totally understand if you would”

“I did feel anxious but it passed, just like all things always do. I am very thankful for all you´ve done for me since we became trainees who were working diligently towards their goal”

Taeyang nodded, acknowledging the kind words that had been thrown in his direction. And the hotel room lay quiet for a few seconds before the older spoke up once more.

“Have you thought about getting therapy?”

“I didn´t”

“Why not? Maybe working through all of what happened might help you move on more easily”

“Well there is nothing to work through. I don´t remember anything. The only thing is the crippling anxiety about loosing my job but as that is suspended for the time being, I don´t think I need it”, Intak explained, looking at the older who´s eyes were focused on him.

“Intak, I am glad you feel that way but I am just concerned that this isn´t healthy. It might be fine for the moment but what about what is going to happen once we are done with this? What if you have to pay for it much later?”

“I´m sorry, hyung, but frankly I don´t care if you consider it to be healthy or not. Forgetting is the only thing I can do. So that is exactly what I am doing now. When this is the only thing standing between me and the thing I want to do, I don´t care how I get there. But I will”

“Intak…”, Taeyang looked at him.

“I appreciate your concern, hyung. I do. Really. But that doesn´t change anything”

Taeyang looked at the younger who sunk down into the pillows of their hotel bed, big, squishy and oh so comfortable. They had deserved their break and even though a little bit of doubt was still sitting uncomfortably in the back of his mind, Taeyang chose to trust the younger for now. He didn´t want to jump to conclusions he made as a bystander who had a completely different perspective on that fateful night. Intak would figure it out for himself and he would be by his side making sure that would turn out fine. After all, if he didn´t trust in their puppy, who would?

Chapter Text

“Ok. I just don´t quite know where to start. All of it is just such a mess. I can barely remember every bit of information you might want to know. I always tried to push it away, tried my very best to not remember anything. And I did that for so long that I can´t anymore”

“I am thankful for anything you can tell me from back then”, Donghee tried to reassure her sister but she knew it wasn´t that simple. It had been years since then. She had needed so much time to get better and she eventually did but her sister didn´t have that. Yaehee had focused all her energy on her younger twin sister. And Donghee wasn´t sure if that had helped her to cope with it or just enabled her to push it away and never waste another thought on her own traumatic experiences. Healing was so different for everyone and she was afraid that she had allowed potentially harmful developments to take place in her older twin.

“Ok. Fine. I will tell you everything I know. But remember our deal”

“Sure. Of course. You can stop or take a break whenever you need it, you know that, right?”

Yaehee nodded, hesitant, anxious about what she was about to say out loud for the first time. She felt her head beating wildly against her chest and her fingers beginning to shake. However, just as she watched them move on their own forition, another pair of hands snaked around her own hands, warm, comforting, soft, her twin sister giving her the last nudge she needed before starting her story.

Oct. 8th, 2016

"Are you ok?", Donghee asked and Yaehee tried her best to focus on her sister. Gosh, how many drinks did she have? She couldn't really remember but she knew she needed to stop now. She was right on the spot. One more drink and she feared going over board with it.

"Should we get home?", her twin continued on, because the lack of answer seemingly prompted her to get anxious. Yaehee should avoid that. She wanted to enjoy the evening with the idol. That was something she always dreamed of. Having fun with the person she adored so much. The person she had known since years. Well, not really known personally but she still felt like she knew enough about him to really know him, to feel safe around him and his friends. Nothing would happen to them in their company.

"I'm fine. Don't worry", she quickly assured her sister, smiling at her.

"How could I not? Well, I think we should be going soon. I will take a quick look at the bathrooms to determine if they are good or not and then we should take the subway home. Do you think you can do that?"

"Yeah, let's do that. That way we can still chat a little while we drive", Yaehee quickly agreed to it, lost in her own excitement enough to ignore the hesitance in her sister's eyes.

"Well I will take a look at the bathrooms then. See you in a few minutes", Donghee announced before heading off. Yaehee looked after her, wondering if she should have gone with her, but the hand on her thigh made her snap around instantly. The idol in front of her had gotten closer, a different look prominent in his eyes.

"Would you like to take it a little further?", he asked, his tongue seductively running over his upper lip, while his eyes were busy undressing her.

Yaehee began to giggle, the alcohol in her brain making her way more up for anything of that nature. And when the idol leaned in to push a sweet kiss on her lips, she melted into the touch and enjoyed every minute of it.

"Let's have a final drink before getting ready", he said, putting the glass of alcohol in her hands after separating from her. Yaehee gulped it down, excited for the rest of this eventful day. But soon after her memory faded, too drunk to remember much of the sexual intercourse she had shared with the idol. She wasn't able to remember what she was so proud of. Her sense of security in supposedly knowing him and his friends had made her vulnerable, made her unable to see the red flags and run away before they had a chance to hurt them both. After this night, it wasn't just Donghee who never was the same again. Yaehee was too.

“I couldn´t remember their faces, being too drunk to remember them at that point, when it all happened. However, when the investigation of the scandal started, the police contacted me, informing me about the tape they made while we slept together. I didn´t know and I couldn’t believe it either. That just couldn´t be true. I knew it couldn´t. But no one could tell me it wasn´t. So I just continued on as if nothing happened, doing everything I could to take care of you because you were just so incredibly hurt and I was the one who was responsible for that. And that helped as well. I worried so much about you that I had no time to bath in self-pity. So you have no reason to feel bad about it”, Yaehee finally finished her story.

“So you hated idols not just for what they did to me but also to you. You were hurt so much by them as well”, Donghee concluded the story with a conclusion of her own.

“No. Or maybe a little but not really. I hated them for what they had done to you. I could you see you suffering because of it for years. And those emotions just are powerful. They make you forget about any logical thinking in a certain situation. But also because I was so incredibly stupid, so driven by emotions that I didn´t think about the possibility that the people I adored could have bad intention, that they could be anything else than perfect because I always perceived them as such. I didn´t want to think about the fact that they are portraying a role, no matter how honest they may seem, they have to play the role of the perfect idol who can be molded by the fans to their own desires. They may show some of their true selves but they have to continue their play. I never thought about that and it cost not only me but also you greatly. I am so sorry for that. I should have protected you better. You were in so much pain”

“But you also suffered because of that in silence for so long. I can´t even begin to imagine how painful that must have been, how lonely you must have felt. I was complaining and blaming you all the time without any regard to what had happened once you went with them. I never imagined that anything of that nature could have taken place, that they could have violated you too. I never dared to. I never wanted to think of such a possibility. And I am sorry that it took me so long to finally start to do it. Even if it is too late now, I want you to remember that this is not on you. They did that. They decided to drug me, they chose to rape me and… if you drank so much to the point that you can´t remember much of what happened, they raped you as well. You couldn´t consent to anything”

“But I wanted it before I blacked out. I felt so special when they were drinking with me. I never imagined it turning out this way. But I wanted it”

“That is not the same. In that moment you were unable to change your mind. Even if you wouldn´t have, the fact that you couldn´t is enough for it to be considered rape. And them filming it is even more horrific. I am so sorry”, Donghee said honestly, guilt and pain pouring into every single pore of her being and making her want to hug her older twin closely to herself and make sure she would be fine. She had failed to do so for such a long time, but now she would never use her own situation against Yaehee again. She deserved so much better and Donghee was determined to show her that and better herself.

“No, no. Stop Donghee”, Yaehee begged, feeling like the weight of the situation back then was breaking down on her. It felt awful. It felt just like it did before she had pushed it all away.

“Ok. Sorry”, Donghee immediately stopped, carefully watching her sisters reaction and facial features. She looked unwell and Donghee understood. This was not how this should happen. But she was no therapist. She could only do so much in helping her sister. She couldn´t replace professional help at any capacity. All she could do was provide the comfort and support she had failed to do the last years.

“No, you shouldn´t be sorry. It was my decision. I made the call that did this. It is on me. Just on me. I am responsible for everything that happened to you”

“You aren´t. Everything that happened to me and you was out of our control. We didn´t want what this resulted in. Please stop blaming yourself profusefully. We did nothing wrong. And we didn´t deserve what they did to us”

Yaehee´s eyes were quickly spilling countless tears once more, breaking out into full sobbing within seconds. And Donghee joined her in that. They hugged each other as they cried together, comforted each other. And despite the situation being heartbreaking on its on, Yaehee was glad that they were together, that they were by each others side through this. Even if the usual feeling of guilt was far from being gone, having her sister in her arms was already making her feel better.

-------------

They were getting ready backstage for the next concert. They had played four at this point, each going by with more ease then the one before it. The routine of doing this was returning to the boys. It was welcome all around. Keeho had stepped back into the quirky leaderrole he had always played. And the others as well. With every positive experience they collected, they got more and more relaxed with what they did, more relaxed with each other, easing back into what they were initially most known for.

“We need to talk to you all. There has been a development back home that we are carefully watching over that we think you should be made aware of. Despite our plans to continue the tour here, with everything going on, the legal battle, the change in public perception and the fear of the stakeholders at the company, we need to be agile whenever something new arises. I hope you know by now that this field of work is highly competitive and highly reactive. If something is deemed bad, the people associated with it are done with”, the manager began but Jiung chimed in, annoyed by the long exposition before the man finally said what he came to tell them.

“We know, hyung. We are very much aware of that. So please, just tell us what happened so we can continue thinking of a way to deal with it”

“Sure. There has been more articles. Somehow the impending lawsuit has gone public and now every news outlet jumped back on this topic. I just wanted to let you know that they might be something concerning this in your feed. But there is nothing to worry about. We are dealing with it the best way possible”

“What did get public?”, Keeho cautiously wanted to know. It could be really bad and he needed to know what he needed to be aware of concerning this.

“The indictment did, with all the details that were needed for it going through to court. I am sorry, Intak. This wasn´t meant to happen. We will do everything we can to protect you from this. But please be aware that this could come up in comments online and other places. I would recommend you not going online reading them for the time being. Ok?”

“Sure. I won´t. Can we get back to getting ready now?”, Intak shortly asked, showing his infamous innocent smile.

“Sure. Let´s go”

They quickly returned to getting their make-up fixed, their clothes put on their bodies, ready to go on stage for the next show, the next big event.

As Intak sat back down in the chair to get his make-up fixed, Jiung came up behind him, putting his warm hands down on his shoulders.

“Are you ok after that?”, he got straight to the point.

“Sure. I can´t do anything after all, so why bother with it. And the same goes for you. A situation we could have changed is long gone. I just let them deal with it. I trust that they won´t hurt me. I just don´t want to go back to that place. Even if I can´t remember, I don´t want to. I want to leave it behind. As soon as this lawsuit is done, I won´t have to think about it”

“So you aren´t curious about what happened back then?”

“I was. I was very upset with Keeho for not telling me about the video, about him knowing more about the situation than I did myself . But I left that behind me. It isn´t worth it. It destroyed what was already crumbling. I don´t want that to happen again. I want and need you all around me. You helped me so much throughout this but I feel like I am ready to stand on my own feet again”

“Well. Ok. If that is what you want, we will support you. But you can always come to us if you change your mind. And you can always reach out to other help. I hope you know that. We just want you to be ok”

Jiung nodded quickly, trying to show his support to his younger friend who seemed almost like he always did. It had changed Intak, but not as much as he would have expected. He didn´t let it. He didn´t want that to happen so he fought with everything inside of him that just wanted to stop doing this, lay in the corner and cry. He wasn´t the type to do this. He didn´t want to. So he wouldn´t. He chose to fight for the future he had always worked towards.

So they went back to getting ready. Getting their bodies and voices and also their minds ready for performing once more in front of thousands of people. The manager was going around, collecting their phones to make them concentrate on the last ten minutes before the performance. However, as Intak was handing over his phone, he saw that he had gotten a message from his mother.

“Intak, there has been a witness from that night coming forward. Are you ok? Can you call me after the concert?”

Chapter Text

He was frozen. His mind empty and his body unable to move, to hand over the phone his manager was reaching for. Was this true? Had there been a witness from that night speaking up? Would that help their legal case? Would this end even more quickly than he had thought. Would he finally be able to move on, to deal with the fallout in peace and silence, not constantly being thrown around by their lawyers and PR Team? He would love if that was truly the case.

“Intak? What is it? We have to go”, the manager spoke to the younger, trying to take the phone out of his hand but Intak pulled it back before he was able to. However, the younger finally looked at him.

“Is it true that a witness has publicly made a statement about the night?”

The manager looked at him, eyes wide in shock. The older had never been good at concealing what went on inside his head, inside his heart. And in this moment Intak was even more glad than ever about it. Because he could see the utter chaos happening in the others mind, the sheer fear of having wanted to avoid this conversation in this point in time and now not being able to do so. Intak saw that the manager knew. He saw that the older was troubled.

But he waited nonetheless until he spoke up. Sure, there was a show to give but this was more important. He needed to know, otherwise he would give an awful performance. He just knew. His mind would constantly be spinning around this one topic, unable to focus and loose himself to some degree in what he was doing, what he loved to do and what he wanted to do as long as he would be allowed to, as long as there were still people wanting to see him perform.

“We wanted to talk with you about this after the show. But I guess we should tell you now. There has been an anonymous witness speaking up, confirming the story you told us. The person attached pictures from the event to prove that the anonymous individual was there that night. We already talked about getting in contact with that person to help with our legal battle but we weren´t successful as of now. We will continue to try. Don´t worry”

Intak nodded, trying to sort out the mess of emotions he was experiencing right now. He hated this. He hated feeling so confused, so many emotions on the differing ends of the spectrum fighting over the dominance inside of him. He just wanted to feel fully at ease again. With his friends around him, he felt like that was a possibility. He felt like with the strong bond they had, with the care every single one of them put towards him in their own unique ways, he was one step closer to healing, one step closer to calming the fiery storm of emotions that didn´t seem to fully fade away.

“However, it also brought new attention to this case. Thankfully, it is not as bad as the first time but a lot more people are once again talking about it compared to the last couple of weeks. But we have a plan in place to deal with all of that and you can always come to us if you want to discuss the further process and the current progress we have made. We don´t want you to feel alone with this. Everything we can deal with, will be dealt with accordingly to ensure that we get the best possible outcome for you and the group overall”, the manager continued.

Once more, Intak´s head was moving in understanding. He was soaking up the information, glad to use them as distraction and possible focus point to not have his whirlwind of emotional responses in the forefront of his conscience.

“Talk to the other boys if you want to take a short break. We can let the people outside wait for a little while longer. Just make sure you are in a good condition to go on that stage and perform in front of those people. Not just physically but especially mentally. It wouldn´t profit any of us if you force yourself to do something you are not ok with. The upper management might not agree but they are not here, so their opinion is not as important. Ok? Do you understand, Intak?”, the manager spoke, his mind torn between what he was expected to do in terms of business and what he felt like he needed to do in order to make sure that the young man in front of him would not take any further greater harm from this.

Intak nodded once more, before his performance smile graced his lips. He would go up that stage and rock it. Like he always strived to do. Like he would always want to do.

“Ok. Then let´s go”, the manager said as the younger didn´t seem to want to respond verbally. And even though that made him more worried, he trusted that he would look for comfort from the right people. Maybe he just wasn´t on that list. That would be fine. The manager just hoped that Intak would be fine. That was all he wanted at the end of the day.

“Are you ok?”, Taeyang asked as he watched the younger come towards him, his expression having so many layers that Taeyang wanted to uncover all of them to figure out the emotional turmoil that had warranted them. But he wanted to work on not projecting his feelings on the younger, giving him the room to breathe properly.

“I guess I am. Would you still give me a hug?”

Taeyang was surprised but nodded, opening his arms for the larger boy to hug him, to get the comfort he was looking for. As he held the dancer in his arms he couldn´t stop himself however, to speak up once more.

“You can always talk to us. Or ask us for hugs. We are by your side. Always. Ok?”

“I know. Thank you so much”

“Nothing to thank us for. We care about you and want you to be fine”

Intak smiled, nodding, snuggling deeper, prompting the older to laugh sweetly at the dancers antics. However, he brought his arms tighter around him.

“I am sorry for causing so much disruption in the group”, he suddenly spoke what he had kept to himself throughout all of this. Maybe the comfort had made him want to share another one of his hidden feelings.

Taeyang stepped back and looked at the younger, thinking what the best way was to get his message across in a way to make the younger believe it.

“We weren´t ready to deal with anything serious. It just showed us that we all needed to learn and grow as a team. You didn´t disrupt anything. We were overwhelmed, confused, felt helpless and we showed that. I am sorry that we made you feel like that was on you. It wasn´t. It was just six young men trying to deal with the horror life had thrown at them. But I hope you don´t feel like you are burdening us right now? Because you don´t. You can ask all of them, Keeho, Jeongseob, Shota, hell even Jiung even if he likes to act all tsundere like. They would all tell you the same. Well not as eloquently as me, obviously, but you get the gist”

Intak smiled.

“You idiot. Why did I expect anything else”

He began to laugh, causing the other boys to gather around. They had given Intak space when he had discovered what was going on, when talking with the manager but now it seemed to be the point in time to return, to take part in whatever those two were up to.

“Who is an idiot?”, Shota asked, a silly smile dancing on his lips carefree.

“Who you think? Taeyang of cause”

“Be careful with that. He might not talk to you if you cross the line too far. Do you know your current strike count with him. You might want to be mindful of it”, Jeongseob warned, seeing the smile on all of their faces grow. Taeyang rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, let´s go on stage”

The others nodded and followed the oldest who was slightly sulking. Keeho put a warm hand on Intaks back and quietly asked the younger “Everything ok?”

“Yeah. Just learned that designer Yong might actually face any consequences for what he did”, he spoke distantly, like it wasn´t concerning him. That was safer for the time being. Especially with the concert coming up, he didn´t want to confront his emotions. He would do that step by step every day. He had to in the end. He couldn´t escape it and he knew he couldn´t move on if he didn´t face it all.

“That sounds amazing. I am glad. But you can still always come”, Keeho began but Intak stopped him.

“I know, hyung. Thanks. I am really grateful for that”

Keeho smiled and patted him on the back before creating the circle they always did before the start of the concert. They could already hear the crowd of fans screaming on the other side, excited to see the young men perform for them. Many of them unaware of the thoughts and feelings the idols were experiencing. But all of them with the same goal in mind: to have an amazing time. Intak wanted to unsure that would happen.

He was ready to go up stage, his heart beating out of his chest in joy and fear and excitement and all of the emotions he was able to experience once it came to this moment. The thrill, the feeling of being up there, of dancing in the blinding lights was something Intak would fight for. To be up on stage with those five people who were standing next to him, getting ready alongside him to go up and kill it. And despite his fear of what was to come once he was back in Korea, once the trial would officially start, once he would have to make a statement, once all of the hurt would strike once more, he wanted to enjoy the moment he had right now. He just needed to believe that his friends would be by his side, that all of their fans wouldn´t abandon him, abandon the entire group, that he had become stronger through all this. That he could learn to overcome this. Somehow. Sometime. Together.