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Chapter Text

The only time I can remember my wings coming out was when Thomas was in seventh grade. That was the first time he had gotten a crush on a boy, and I was all over it. Deceit, however, would not have it, as Thomas "wasn't ready to acknowledge his sexuality" yet.

But I didn't really mind, because I got this pair of pretty blue wings that matched my shirt. Roman loved them. He would take the feathers and braid them into my hair whenever he could, making Logan give us really funny looks.

I only had my wings for a couple months, then Thomas got over him. The sudden disappearance really intrigued Logan, as he didn't notice the connection. He kept questioning me, and even Roman constantly asked me when they would come back. That sent me—and therefore Thomas, since I hadn't learned how to compartmentalize yet—on a week-long irritable streak.

But they kept almost coming back out ever since. Whenever Thomas was with someone he loved, or surrounded by family, I would feel pressure in my back, right where my wings used to be.

The only sides that know about my wings are Logan, Roman, and Hailey. I doubt Logan and Roman remember, since it's been over fifteen years, but Hailey... well, I hope she does!

Chapter Text

I rise up in my room after a vlog and immediately wrap myself in one of my gold-leaf print curtains. Thomas was really emotional, which is tough on me, since I'm his emotional center.

Kiddo, you have to remember to take everything in moderation. I know I said it before, but listening to any one side too much can quickly become a disaster.

Logan and Virgil were also worn out, though, trying to keep him from letting Roman talk him into another relationship.

Thomas, do I have to remind you that you always fall in love when you least expect to? Roman pushing this is straight up counterproductive.

Thomas refused to listen.

Logan, love is not some mathematical equation that you can solve by just plugging in a number and seeing if it works.

And Virgil, I get that you're trying to keep me safe, but not every guy that I meet is going to be a homophobe. You're letting a small percentage of people dictate my life.

"Everything ok, girl?" my mocha-shaded best friend asks from the couch, a Starbucks chai-tea latte in his hand. I shake my head, unwrapping myself. "Cmere." He scooches over and pats the cushion next to him. I sigh and flop onto the couch next to him.

"Starbies?" I shake my head. He shrugs. "Suit yourself." He takes a sip of his latte. "Spill, hun. What's the matter?"

I sigh. "A lot.." I begin. "Thomas is really busy and it's stressful, which makes him emotional, making me emotional because that's part of what I am.

"Not to mention Roman... He's been pushing for Thomas to get a boyfriend. He brings up all these fantasies and ideals every time someone even mentions relationships." I bury my face in my hands. "I just don't know what to do, Remy!!"

"Hey, now," Remy says, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Everyone freaks out, girl! What matters is how you deal with it." I glance at him, not able to see his expression through his sunglasses. "Anyways, I'm gonna go. Call me if you need me, 'kay, hun?"

"Yeah, but Rem?" I say with a smile. "If you ever want Thomas to meet you, I can help you out." Remy smiles softly before sinking out.

~*~

Later that night, I rummage through photo albums, past Thomas's photos, until I find the one I'm looking for. I stroke it lovingly.

The picture is of me about a week after my wings came out. I'm wearing a braided feather crown, courtesy of Roman. My arms are positioned so that my wingtips appear to be attached to my wrists. Logan is in the background, seemingly glaring at the camera, but hard to tell since he always masks his emotions. Hailey is giving me bunny ears, her wings proudly unfurled.

I smile softly. We were so silly back then.

"Patton!" Roman exclaims as he rises up, interrupting my reverie. "I think I have an idea for the next vlog!"

"Really? That's awesome, Ro, you don't normally have ideas this close together!" I congratulate, putting the photo album away.

"You wanna help? I just thought of it and would appreciate it if I could bounce ideas."

"Sure, I'll be a soundboard. Your room?" Everyone's rooms rub off on the others, meaning I'll be able to think up good ideas easier if we're in Roman's room, since he's Creativity.

"Yeah, that's best. Let's go!" Roman reaches over to take my hand and pull me into his room.

"Wow," I breathe, looking at the red velvet curtains and the oak floor of the stage. "Roman, your room is beautiful! I mean, I thought it would be a castle, but this does make sense." A look of confusion crosses Roman's face before it's replaced by an almost pained look of realization that he quickly pushes down. It's clear he doesn't want to talk about what he remembered, so I let it slide.

I take a seat on the edge of the stage, my legs swinging. Roman sits next to me, one leg pulled to his chest.

"So, what was your idea?" I ask.

"Well, it's a little bit out there, but..." Roman sighs. "Do you think we could introduce Thomas to his sub-sides?"

"You mean like Remy?" I ask, overjoyed. Remy would never admit it, but he really wants his voice to be heard. Logan always says no, as Remy is in charge of sleep, which breaks his heart on the inside.

"Well, yes, Remy, but also Hope and Curi—"

"We need to start with Remy!" I interrupt, whirling around and grabbing Roman's shoulders. "It's his absolute dream to be recognized by Thomas!"

"Patton, I don't—"

"Pleeeeease???" I ask, giving Ro puppy dog eyes.

"Ok, ok, we can start with Remy," Roman concedes.

"Yay!" I give Roman a hug. "I'll tell him in the morning!"

"Ok, you do that. But remember that we're going to need Thomas's consent."

"I know," I groan, releasing the hug and moving my hands back to my lap. Remy is considered a lightside, but we still need to make sure that Thomas wants to know about him. I still have no idea why Deceit made it work like that.

"Just wanted to make sure." Roman stands up, then extends a hand to me. I take it with a small smile, and we sink out together.

Chapter Text

I leap up to join the vlog, bouncing with anticipation. I'm standing a couple feet away from my usual spot, allowing a space for Remy if Thomas lets him come up.

"Well, someone sure is energetic today!" Thomas notes. "What's up, Patton?"

"Oh, nothing, just excited!" I reply.

"May I ask why?"

"Well, we were wondering if you wanted to meet a new side?" Roman asks, a little nervously.

"What." Virgil pops up. "I thought we were done?" He has one eyebrow raised and is almost glaring. I'm slightly confused. Aren't Deceit and Remus the only darksides left?

"Oh, of course you have something to say," Roman mutters, rolling his eyes.

"Roman, let's be nice," I chastise. "Virgil, we're doing sub-sides." My dark son relaxes at that.

"Sub.. sides?" Thomas repeats slowly.

I sigh. "Logan!"

"Present," Logan says as he rises up. "What seems to be the matter?"

"Patton said something about sub-sides?"

"Ah, yes." Logan adjusts his glasses. "Roman, I told you this was a bad idea, did I not?"

"Yeah, but—"

"And I am correct in assuming that you allowed Patton to talk you into this?"

"Well, yes, but—"

"Against his better judgement?" Logan's voice has an edge to it.

"Logan, I didn't call you here to lecture us," I interject. "I called you so you could explain to Thomas the concept of sub-sides."

"Yes, of course." Logan adjusts his glasses before turning to Thomas. "The four of us, as well as Deceit and Remus, are considered 'main sides,' as we all represent multiple aspects of you. Sub-sides only represent one aspect."

"So you guys are technically just fusions of sub-sides?" Thomas asks.

"Yes, I suppose that is accurate."

"I never thought of it like that," Virgil adds in with a soft chuckle, "but it does make sense."

"Anyway, now that you get the concept, are you ready to meet one?" I ask Thomas excitedly.

"Absolutely!" Thomas exclaims in reply. I beam.

"Remy!" I call, and am immediately greeted by the side of sleep rising up between me and Roman, sipping a Starbucks mocha.

"Hey, girls!" he exclaims, nodding at us all. Virgil scowls slightly.

"Thomas, this is Remy," Roman introduces. "He's in charge of sleep."

"He also hates me," Virgil adds, resting his chin on his hand.

"You make my job difficult, hun," Remy explains with a possibly sympathetic shrug.

"So can Roman, and you don't hate him."

Remy is silent for a moment, then sighs. "Honey, I'm trying to grow out of petty rivalries." Virgil's face softens slightly, but immediately hardens again when Remy continues with, "You, on the other hand, are just plain difficult."

"Rem, we're all giving Virgil another chance," I chastise. "Please at least try to forgive him? I know he gave you a hard time before, but I promise he's changed." Remy is silent for a beat and I worry that I've upset him, but then he shrugs.

"It's your prerogative, sis," he says, then turns to Thomas. "Anyways, pleasure to finally meet you, Thomas! Hailey's calling me, so I gotta go, but I can't wait to talk to you again! Bye, Queens!" This last part is addressed to us all, with Remy waving as he sinks out. I chuckle, then step back to where I normally stand.

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" I say, talking to both Thomas and Virgil. Thomas nods enthusiastically while Virgil just rolls his eyes, but I don't miss his small smile.

"By the way, who's Hailey?" Thomas asks.

"Your hopeful side and probably the only light side other than Patton who didn't hate my guts," Virgil replies, only half joking. "She would always come check on me, and she wasn't afraid to come to my room and shine a light. It was.. comforting to know that someone loved me, even if they were just a sub-side. It gave me hope." Virgil smirks.

"Back up. I have a female side?"

"Yes, although it is only Hailey who is female," Logan replies. Did Virgil just flinch? "It is simply a product of your neurology."

"Also how we're represented in general," I add. "Any neurological disorders will affect how we develop and change our attributes, sometimes to the point where none of the main attributes match ours." Thomas nods after a beat.

"I mean, I can't exactly contradict you," he says. "You know more than I do and I've never met anyone else's sides."

"Well, it seems the matter is resolved," Logan says, adjusting his glasses. "I shall be in my room if I am needed." With that, the logical side sinks out.

"I'm gonna head out, too, kiddo," I add, suddenly uncomfortable. "Cya!" I sink out to my room as well, where I am immediately greeted by a squealing Remy. "Calm down, Rem," I say with a laugh. "You're going to break something." To my surprise, Remy actually pauses.

"Thanks, Pat," he says, a giant grin on his face. "Today was a dream come true. Imma go tell my baes. Thanks again, sis!" I chuckle.

"Cya, Rem." The side of sleep runs off.

~*~

Later that night as I'm sitting on the couch, Roman comes into my room, even giddier than he was last night. "Wow, ok, what happened?" I ask the moment I see Roman's face. He runs over and sits next to me.

"Well, I was in my room, trying to figure out what to do next," Roman says slowly, but I can still hear the excitement in his voice. I nod. "And suddenly I had a stream of ideas and they were racing and..." At this point, Roman takes a deep breath and a pair of red wings tipped with gold unfurl from behind him. I gasp in awe. "And then these came out."

"Ro, they're so pretty!!!" I exclaim, my voice going up at least two octaves. Roman smiles softly. I reach out and run my hand along the feathers. "And soft!"

"I'm sure yours were softer," Roman says with a chuckle. I pause.

"Wait, you actually remember that?" I ask incredulously. Roman nods.

"I didn't remember until mine came out, but yeah. Those feather crowns were really fun to braid." I blink in surprise.

"Wait, so if you remember, then does that mean..?" I start, knowing Roman can finish the thought.

"I mean, who's to say?" Roman replies with a shrug. "My memory was triggered, but Logan is a very extensive record keeper. He might even still be doing research on our wings. And as for Hailey, her's are always out, so there's really no way to know. For either of them." The last part seems like an afterthought.

Roman stands back up. "I'm gonna go tell Logan," he says. I nod, then return my attention to the mixtape I was listening to.

Chapter Text

I knock on Logan's door, wings proudly unfurled. "Come in," Logan calls. I open the door and peek my head in. Logan must be doing another project, because his desk looks like a tornado hit it. There are books scattered all over and the only lights are coming from his computer and his lamp.

"Whatcha doing, nerd?" I ask.

"Researching the effects of multiple neurological disorders in a singular individual, particularly how it affects the development of their sides," Logan replies, not looking up. "Is there a pressing matter at hand?"

"Well, it's not exactly pressing, but... I have wings."

"We all do, Roman. They differ between individual sides, but they are still there. I assume you came to tell me that yours have emerged?" The logical side finally looks up. "It appears that they have." Logan adjusts his glasses. "I will take note of this. Now, if you would please leave, my research is on a very open-ended topic." I nod.

"Happy studying!" I wish before closing the door. Immediately, I race to Virgil's room.

"My Chemically Imbalanced Romance!" I call, knocking on Virgil's door. "Open up, I want to show you something!"

"This better be important!" Virgil replies before opening the door.

"Trust me, it is," I tell him, a confident smirk tugging at the corners of my mouth.

"What in the world—" Virgil stops, then blinks a couple of times, visibly shocked. Then he goes back to a neutral expression. "Roman, we all have wings. Why is this important?"

"Because they look pretty!" I'm offended that Vigil isn't as awestruck as Patton was.

"Maybe to you, but they're nowhere near as cool as Hailey's."

"I beg your pardon?! They are the most amazing wings I have ever laid eyes upon!"

Virgil sighs. "Has anyone ever told you you're a narcissist?"

"You tell me that all the time."

"Well, it's true. Your ego will be your downfall someday. Anyways, thanks for wasting my time." Virgil closes the door in my face. I scowl and return to my room.

Chapter Text

Over the next few days, Roman's wings flicker back and forth between being in and being out. When they're out, he and Hailey work on in-air battle strategies. I sit down and watch them sparring mid-air, one occasionally darting underneath the other.

After a particularly long match, Roman lands, panting hard. "How'd it go?" I ask.

"Not fun," Roman replies as he wipes the sweat off his forehead. "Hailey has a new strategy and it caught me way off guard."

"Let that be a lesson to you," Hailey replies with a lilt of a laugh in her voice as she lands beside Roman. Today, her light blonde hair is in a ponytail. She has on white track pants and a golden yellow dri-fit top. The colors highlight her wings, which are white with a row of golden feathers at the bottom. Her light brown eyes shine with amusement. "Just because you don't know a tactic doesn't mean your enemy doesn't. You have to be ready for anything."

"Ok, Logic," Roman mutters, rolling his eyes. Hailey laughs.

"Come on, let's take a water break. You look like you need it." Roman nods, summoning some iced lemonades for the three of us. Each one has a miniature paper umbrella. Hailey rolls her eyes, but takes one anyways.

As Hailey and Roman discuss strategies, I find myself staring wistfully at their wings and remembering mine, and not for the first time. Roman looks over at one point and asks, "Everything alright, Padre?" I nod enthusiastically. Roman looks skeptical, but shrugs and returns to his conversation.

~*~

Later that night, there's a knock at my door. "Pat?" Hailey calls. I poke my head out from under the blankets to see her standing in the doorway to my room. She's already changed into a white, floor-length dress. "Virgil wanted me to check on you. Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine, Hailey," I reply by default, then smile to make it more believable.

"If you insist. Just know you can talk to me, ok?" I nod. Hailey smiles and leaves the room, dress fluffing up behind her. Once she's out of sight, I sigh and cover my head back up, letting a few tears slip out.

Chapter Text

I walk into Deciet's room, my footfalls making soft splashes in the layer of water on his floor. I would find it odd under any other circumstances, but the water reflects the soft yellow orbs of light on his ceiling, which are the only light source, so I don't mind.

"Dee," I call.

"Yes?" Deceit replies, keeping his back to me.

"Have you noticed how down Morality has been lately? Cause I kinda feel like exploiting that. If Thomas won't listen to me directly, then I'll make him listen without realizing he's doing it. If you don't mind, that is." Deceit lets out an aggravated sigh, then turns his head to look at me, golden eye shining slightly.

"Since when did you ask me for permission?" he asks. I shrug, causing Dee to sigh again. He turns to face me head on. His brown eye reflects the golden light. "You have to remember that Patton is not just Thomas's moral compass. He is his emotion."

"Exactly why I think it'll be easy."

"Yes, however, it could very easily backfire. You know that Patton keeps some of his emotions away from Thomas, mainly his sadness. "

"Ok, yeah, but if I make it strong enough..."

"Well, I guess I can't stop you, can I?" Deceit mutters under his breath. "Move along, now. If you insist upon going through with this, better hurry up and strike while the iron is hot, as they say."

"'As they say'?" I repeat with a chuckle. "Since when did you become Logic?"

"I'm just trying to get into character!" Deceit replies a bit quickly.

"Yeah, sure," I reply sarcastically. "Anyways, I'm gonna head out now. Cya!" Deceit nods before turning back around.

Chapter Text

A week after Thomas's introduction to Remy, I notice that Patton has fallen into a bit of a downward spiral. He's been more withdrawn lately and doesn't eat or bake as much. After a lot of thinking, I decide to check on him. "Can I come in?" I ask after knocking on Patton's door.

"One second, kiddo!" Patton replies quickly, and I immediately know that something is up.

"Patton, is everything ok?" I ask again, more of an edge to my voice.

"I'm fine, Virge!" I know he's lying. If there was one thing Deceit taught me while I was a darkside, it was how to spot lies, even in the most honest of people.

"Patton, I'm going to ask you again, and I would prefer that you don't lie to me this time. Are. You. Okay."

There is a pause, then Patton replies, "No, Virgil. I'm not ok... I promise."

I hold my hand over the door handle, stunned into silence. Patton, the fatherly and usually cheerful, happy-go-lucky side, just admitted that he isn't alright. I want to laugh at the MCR dad joke but at the same time cry at the openness Patton just showed.

"Pat.." I say instead, tears threatening to start welling up. "Can I come in? Please?" There is silence on the other side of the door, which I take as a yes. I walk in and sit next to my father figure. "You wanna talk?" Patton shakes his head and leans into me, resting his head on my shoulder. I notice a few tears slide down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Virgil," Patton says quietly after a few minutes of silence.

"For what?" I ask in reply, equally quiet.

"For always lying and saying I'm fine when I'm obviously not." Patton closes his eyes and a few more tears fall down his face. "It's a habit that I need to break, I know it is, but for some reason I just can't."

I sigh and wrap a comforting arm around Patton. "Pat, that's nothing you need to apologize for. You're protecting us in your own way." Patton smiles softly, but his face immediately falls again.

"You know, I've been off lately because of everyone's wings," he admits, not looking me in the eyes. "I just feel left out since I can't summon my wings. That's why Hailey always hides hers when I'm around."

I think for a moment. What Patton just said makes sense, but I don't know why. I decide to think more about it later.

"Alright, Pat," I tell him instead. "Just don't try to deal with this on your own, ok?" Was it my imagination, or did Patton stiffen at that? "We're all here for you if you need to talk. It's better than hurting yourself. Trust me, I know." I add the last part under my breath. Patton either doesn't hear or doesn't react.

~*~

I stay with Pat for a little bit before he falls asleep. With a small smile, I place him on his bed, then pull the covers over him. Patton hums softly as I run a hand through his hair. I smile again and lay down next to him, staying on top of the covers. Despite my best efforts, I fall asleep.

Chapter Text

I yawn and open my eyes to the sight of Virgil laying beside me, eyes closed and a soft smile on his lips. I let out a soft smile of my own and get up.

As I get ready, I catch sight of my wrists, which are scarred. I sigh. They wouldn't care if they saw! the voice says. You're just useless!

"No," I whisper, holding resolve in my voice. "They love me, I know they do."

It's just an act, Morality~!

"No. They are my kiddos. They would never lie to me!"

Oh, come, now. Lying isn't your job.

I pinch the heel of my hand, wincing. It makes the voice go away, though, which is what I need.

I'm about to step outside my room, but pause. With a sigh, I take my cat hoodie off from around my shoulders and put it on properly. I tug the hood up and resume my previous plan.

"Morning, Pat!" Roman calls when I get downstairs. He's sitting on the couch, wings tucked in but still visible.

"Heya, kiddo!" I reply with false enthusiasm, then glance around. "Where are Logan and Hailey?"

"No idea. Where's Virgil? He didn't come back downstairs after checking on you last night."

"Oh, yea, he fell asleep," I tell him with a nervous chuckle. "Anyways, I'm gonna get started on breakfast." With that, I skip into the kitchen and get out my ingredients.

As I'm whisking together the batter, I hear Logan saying, "... supposed to be beneficial?"

Hailey's voice quickly follows. "Because he's always showing us how much he loves us, so we should return the favor!"

"I said beneficial, not obligatory," Logan states as I see him coming down the stairs, Hailey right behind him.

"So?" Hailey replies as they round the corner. "Sometimes people do things just because they want to do them. Kinda like you with all those research papers you do on random things."

"Falsehood." Lo adjusts his glasses. "Those papers are for the purpose of garnering information so that I do not give incorrect information."

"Don't worry, Lo," I chime in. "Those instances are infinitesimal."

"Patton, that was one time!" I laugh at Logan's outburst, setting down the mixing bowl.

"I'm sorry, Logie, but I just love your reaction!"

"Pat's got a point," Hailey says from the table. "Bringing up your mistakes is the quickest way to get a rise out of you."

"You cannot 'get a rise' out of me. I do not have emotions."

"Actually, remember when we were puppets and you threw one of your vocab cards at me and it hit my eye?" Roman says from the couch, turning to face us. "You were seriously—" followed by a bad word.

"Roman! Language!" I scold.

"English," Logan replies. I sigh.

"Roman," I request, my voice slightly edged, "would you please say that without using any bad words?"

"Ok, fine," Roman grumbles, rolling his eyes. "Point is, I've seen you absolutely furious, Logan. So don't try that emotionless robot act on me."

"It's not an act!" Logan replies, seemingly offended. "I do not have emotions."

"Logan, stop," Virgil says from the stairs. "You're inviting snakes." Logan mutters something under his breath about how we already live with one, then shrugs and sits down in front of me at the bar, opening his book. I return to cooking.

At one point, Logan glances up and says, "Patton, you have flour on your face." He points to his cheek.

I wipe my cheek with my hoodie sleeve. "Did I get it?"

Logan shakes his head. "Allow me," he says, licking his thumb and brushing it against my left cheekbone, which sends a thrill down my spine and kicks up butterflies in my stomach.

When Logan pulls back, my cheeks feel like they're on fire and Hailey is smirking at me. "There you go," Logan says before returning his attention to his book.

"Thanks, Logie," I whisper, my voice high-pitched. Logan just nods.

Once I finish making the waffles, I whistle shrilly to pull Roman and Virgil's attention from their argument over who knows what to me, then say, "Breakfast is ready." My voice, to my surprise, lacks its normal enthusiasm.

No one seems to notice, however. Logan keeps reading, Roman and Virgil continue bickering, and Hailey continuously glances back and forth between me and Logan.

"What are you two even arguing about?" Hailey asks.

"Which Disney movie is better," Virgil replies. "It's mostly me pointing out the undertones in any movie he brings up."

"I believe you two already made an entire video about that, did you not?" Logan asks, finally looking up from his book.

"Exactly!" Roman exclaims, pointing his fork at Virgil. "So why are we still doing this?!"

"That is a wonderful question, Roman. Why are we arguing about this? Oh, wait, it's because you're an airhead!"

"Virgil!" I exclaim. "Apologize."

"Sorry," Virgil mutters, rolling his eyes. I sigh and push my plate away.

"Pat, you only had a quarter of your waffle," Roman points out. "Are you not gonna finish it?"

I shake my head. "Sorry, kiddo, but I'm full. One of you can have it." Hailey's hands immediately fly forward and she puts the remaining waffle on her plate, then drowns it in syrup. I chuckle half heartedly and stand up, then head upstairs before anyone can see me cry.

Chapter Text

"So, are we just going to ignore that?" Virgil asks.

"I mean, I got more waffles," Hailey replies through a mouthful of said waffles.

"Firstly, please do not talk with food in your mouth," I say to Hailey, then turn my attention to Virgil. "As for your question, no, we will not ignore the previous proceedings. I have been tracking Patton's behaviors across the past few days and there is a definite pattern. A few of the behaviors bear some semblance to symptoms of depression, however it is not concrete."

"What do we do??" Roman asks. "I feel like this is my fault!"

"Roman, I do not believe this is any of our faults. I believe we simply need to show Patton that he is loved."

"Isn't that what we always do, though?" Hailey puts in, thankfully not through food. "Show him how much we love him?"

"Then... kick it into high gear??" Virgil suggests, clearly unsure. Roman raises an eyebrow as if to ask if that's the best he can come up with. Virgil sighs. "Look, I'm trying, okay? Emotions aren't my department."

"It's not any of ours," I correct, "but least of all mine."

"But you still have them," Roman says.

"Falsehood!" I exclaim, then adjust my glasses. "I will not get into this argument again." I take the remaining half of my waffle and give one quarter to Virgil and one to Roman. "Now if you will excuse me, I must return to my room to analyze the new data."

"Ok yeah cool whatever," Roman says. I scowl, but do not engage.

When I reach my room, I immediately take my diary and take notes.

11/14
Only ate ¼ of waffles
Wearing hoodie properly
Was quiet at breakfast

There is a knock at my door. "Logie?" a quiet voice says. "C-can I come in..?"

"Of course you may, Patton," I reply, closing my diary. Patton opens the door, holding a blanket to his chest. It reminds me of a little kid coming into their parents' room after having a nightmare.

"D-do you think they hate me..?" Patton asks, looking at the floor.

"P-Patton.." I say, somewhat taken aback by the question. "Why would you think that?"

"Answer the question..." Patton's voice is a whisper, but I still hear it.

"Look at it objectively. When someone hates someone else, then they would be mean to that person. Are any of us mean to you?"

"No.. but what if you're all just acting?" Patton finally looks up and meets my eyes. I can see tears glistening in them, threatening to spill over at any second.

"Well, starting with Virgil. He hates Deceit, for reasons unknown. Therefore, he would not act. He has also related to me that he is concerned about you. Hailey has related this to me as well. She has always been there for you and sees you as an older brother. Roman... I cannot think of a convincing argument for him, as he is Thomas's ability to act, but me?" I smile softly. "Patton, I would never lie to you. I have emphasized multiple times that I dislike relaying false information, and therefore abhor lying."

Patton still does not look convinced. I stand up and walk over to him, then gently wrap my arms around him and lay my head on his. It does not take long before Patton's arms are around me as well. "Does this convince you?" I ask quietly. Patton gives a muffled noise of affirmation, but does not release me. I do not mind.

We stay like that for approximately three more minutes before there is a crash from downstairs. Patton pulls back from the embrace and says, "I should probably make sure nobody's hurt." I nod. Patton's hands linger over mine for a split second before he takes off down the hall. I sigh and add that event to my diary.

Chapter Text

There is a knock at Patton's door. "Pat!" the creative side calls. "You wanna go on an adventure?"

"Sure thing, kiddo!" the moral side calls back. "Just give me a second!"

After a couple minutes, Patton goes downstairs to find Roman bouncing up and down with excitement. "Yes! Come on, let's go!" Roman grabs Patton's hand and drags him to the backyard, also known as the imagination. With a flourish of his hand, the creative side conjures an entire town. Patton shakes his head in wonder, still amazed by Roman's abilities as Creativity.

"So..." Patton starts. "What are we doing, exactly?"

"I was thinking we would do a role play this time," Roman explains, his voice gaining regality as he starts to explain the storyline. "We are simple commoners sent by the king to do a great task: defeat the dragon witch once and for all!"

"You and that dragon-witch, huh?" The moral side chuckles.

"I'm too focused on this to think of anything else," the creative side explains. "We are reluctant cohorts, but eventually become friends, and perhaps even more."

"Wow, you could write a book about this!" Patton exclaims. The creative side chuckles.

"Well, my dear companion, are you ready to begin?"

"Ready!"

~*~

What do you mean, go up there?!" Patton protests. "You're the one with the wings!"

"Well, you're the one always making me do everything!" Roman counters.

"Not true! I cook!"

"You are not a woman!" Roman sighs. "Look, are you going up there or not?"

"Ugh, fine, I'll do it," Patton replies, then makes his way to the tree trunk and starts climbing. He makes it to the top and picks the apple. He's about to climb back down when all of the sudden—

Jump. The moral side pauses. Go ahead. It'll be quicker and besides, it just might get your wings to come back out.

"Pat?" Roman calls from below. "You coming?"

With a deep breath, the moral side leaps down from the uppermost branch. Upon impact, a sharp pain tears through his ankle and he winces.

"Patton!" Roman exclaims, rushing to Patton's side. "Oh, gods, Patton, are you alright?!"

"F-fine," Patton replies through tears, then flinches again. God, his ankle hurt!

"No you're not.." The creative side's voice softens. "Cmon, we can keep going tomorrow." Roman pulls Patton to his feet. "Do you need to lean on me?"

"No, thanks, kiddo," the moral side replies. "I told you, I'm fine." He begins walking, his right ankle protesting every time he puts pressure on it. Roman notices this and jogs to his side, then wraps an arm under his shoulders. "Ro, what are you—?"

"It's one thing when you lie about being upset, but if you're physically hurt, we need to know." Roman's voice is tender, yet remains firm.

But what if you're the one who's hurting yourself..? "I'll try, kiddo, but no guarantees..."

"All I ask is that you try."

When the pair gets back inside, Logan is the first to notice them. "Back already?" he says, glancing up from his book. The moment he sees that Patton is hurt, he takes full charge.

"Put him on the couch," he orders, not even taking the time to close his book.

"Guys, there's no need to—" Pattons starts, but Roman cuts him off.

"Patton. You're hurt. We want to help." There's an edge to his voice that shuts the moral side up immediately.

Once Patton is situated on the couch, his ankle on a stack of pillows, Logan comes over with an ice pack. Patton shies away from it.

"Patton? What's the matter?"

"Don't touch it," the moral side whispers, on the verge of a breakdown. The logical side senses this.

"Patton, I need you to breathe," he instructs calmly, setting the ice pack on the table. Patton shrinks back, almost seeming to have a panic attack. "Patton!" The moral side squeezes his eyes shut and sinks down into his room.

Logan sighs, then puts the ice pack back into the freezer and heads to his own room, ready to add to his diary.

Chapter Text

I sink into my room, needing to shut it all out. The noises, the voice, the memories, the doubts, the fears, the insecurities, all of it. I crawl into my bed, holding back the tears as long as I can before the dam breaks and I start all-out sobbing.

It does nothing to quiet my mind. I start pinching myself in increasingly sensitive areas, even putting pressure on my ankle, but nothing helps.

Once all of my other options have been exhausted, I open the lower drawer on my nightstand and grab the small wooden box at the front. After fumbling with the lock, I take a razor blade and press it against my raw skin.

I pause for a split second before digging it into my skin, drops of blood welling up. The voices finally stop. I sigh and make a few more cuts, daring with one to go right next to a vein, before putting it away and tugging down my sleeves.

I start to cry even harder. I feel like I pushed Logan away by refusing his help. And Roman... he does care, I know he does, but how much?

I end up crying myself to sleep, doubts and insecurities clouding my mind.

Chapter Text

I stand in my room, waiting for Camden impatiently. Knowing him, he'll take a bit, but this is urgent and I can't—

"What's up?" I sigh.

"Don't be nonchalant," I reply, my words clipped and honest. "Why did you make him have a panic attack?"

"I mean, Par and I were really close, you know this," Camden says, his nerves evident in his voice.

I scowl. "Do not try to justify your actions, especially with that traitor." I spin around and, in a split second, am standing in front of Camden, holding up him by the collar of his black leather jacket. "Now, I will ask you one more time. Why. A. Panic. Attack."

"BecauseIdidn'twanthimtobewitheveryone!" Camden replies in one breath. I release him and he lands with a quiet splash. "I'm sorry, Dee, I just needed to get him away from everyone and that was all I could think of." Camden sounds genuinely sorry.

I sigh. "Next time, don't be so impulsive. You're dismissed." Camden leaps up and is clearly trying not to sprint as fast as he can as far away as he can.

I shake my head. Why are the other sides such imbeciles?!

"They're not, you're just too smart for them. Why are you still friends with them?"

Because one of them is my boyfriend.

"You mean the wackadoodle Creativity? He's probably the biggest idiot of them all!"

Yeah, but he's my idiot. Now, if you wouldn't mind, I have to be present in the world.

" Fine, fine, I'll leave you alone for now."

I sigh again. Having a voice in your head can be exhausting sometimes. "Is this what you're going through, Patton?" I whisper to my ceiling. There is obviously no answer. With a sigh, I decide to settle in for the night.

Chapter Text

I'm in the living room, listening to music. Patton's sitting beside me. I'm not sure what he's doing, but as long as he's here, I know he won't do anything stupid.

I feel a spike in stress levels coming from Patton, so I push back my headphones. Remy has his arms around Patton's neck in a hug from behind. "S-sorry, Pat," Remy says. "Wasn't tryna scare ya."

"You're fine, Rem," Patton replies, patting one of his hands. "You just caught me off guard is all!" He chuckles.

"Patton, are you sure you're okay?" I ask. "You've been seriously jumpy these past few days. Heck, probably even jumpier than I am! Are you sure you're alright..?"

"Virge, I would tell you if something was wrong," Patton says, holding my gaze. I know he's lying, but let it slide.

"I'm trusting you to keep your word about that." Patton nods and I put back on my headphones.

The moment I do so, however, Roman comes dashing down the stairs. I scowl and push my headphones back again. "What do you want, Princey?" I ask, annoyance seeping into my tone.

"Wow, Virgil, no need to be so defensive!" Roman replies. "I just wanted to see if you and our beloved father figure wanted to go on a picnic!" I glance at Patton, who is still being hugged by Remy. "And Remy, too, if he wants."

"No need, hun," Remy replies. "Emile and I already have something scheduled."

"What kind of something?" Patton asks, waggling his eyebrows. I chuckle.

"N-nothing like that!" Remy exclaims, his face red. Patton nods unbelievingly—can't say I blame him—and stands up.

"I'm alright with it if you are, kiddo," Patton says, glancing at me. I shrug.

"I mean, as long as you don't invite any of the... others, I'm cool," I reply.

"Awesome!" Roman exclaims, beaming. "I'll go ask Logan!" With that, Princey rushes back upstairs. Remy follows him, probably to go to Emile's room.

"I guess I'll pack some food?" Patton offers. I shrug.

"Chances are, Princey's already got it all set up. But it wouldn't hurt. Cmon, I'll help."

We've already packed a whole basket when Roman comes downstairs, practically dragging Logan behind him. "Roman, I would have agreed to this escapade anyways," Logan says. "There is no need to drag me."

"Sorry, I just didn't want you to miss this!"

"Miss what exactly?"

"Family picnic!" Patton interrupts, holding the picnic basket. Roman looks at it, a little surprised.

"Oh, Pat, you didn't need to—" he starts, but I cut him off.

"Just let him be supportive," I say. Roman sighs, but lets the issue drop.

"Anyways, let's go!"

~~~

Logan, Roman, and I are sitting on the picnic blanket while Patton sits on the edge of the cliff a few yards away. I disengage myself from the conversation to watch Patton. I don't trust him to not do anything stupid.

"Pat, you ok over there?" I ask, visibly startling Patton.

"Yep!" Patton replies, not turning around.

"Patton, that cliff overhang is fragile," Logan calls. "I suggest that you get down."

"Logan, it's fine!" Patton replies.

"If you insist. However, my opinion still stands."

"Don't worry about me, Logie, I'll be careful!" The moment Patton says that, there is a sharp crack.

"Patton get down!" Roman exclaims. Pat yelps and tries to clamber away, but only succeeds in making the situation worse.

There are visible cracks in the rock now. Patton freezes, calling out for help, but he doesn't need to, as I'm already rushing over to him, my wings threatening to pop out at any second.

Just before I reach the edge, the cliff breaks, sending Patton falling with it. At that moment, I decide that I don't care if I upset him. I need to save him.

Letting my fight-or-flight instinct take over, I back up a few steps before getting a running start and leaping off the edge, my black angel wings unfurling behind me. I drop like a stone, making myself as aerodynamic as possible.

I swoop underneath Patton and hold him against me, making him give an audible gasp. "I've got you, Patton," I assure him.

I tuck my wings in the moment we land, setting Patton down cautiously. "You ok?" I ask. Patton nods, staring at the ground. I put a hand on his shoulder. "That certainly gave me a fright," I joke halfheartedly. Patton doesn't find it funny.

"Patton!!" Roman exclaims, running up to us, Logan behind him. "Oh, thank goodness you're alright! You're not hurt, are you?" Roman cups Patton's face.

"I'm fine, kiddo," Patton replies, his voice downcast. "Virgil caught me before anything bad could happen." I pat his head.

"Well, if no damage has been done," Logan adds, "then I suppose we should head back home."

"Please," Patton whispers.

"Then let's go."

~~~

Later that night, I'm replaying the events of earlier. I didn't notice it then, but Patton almost seemed like he wanted to fall..? I swear, if you broke your promise...

I can't sleep. Instead, I stay up, thinking of all the different possibilities as to why Patton acted the way he did. Every time, it comes back to one thought: Is he suicidal?

Chapter Text

I can't sleep. My mind is too active. I know Logan would tell me that this isn't good for my health, but he'd say that about a lot of things I do lately.

Nothing I ever try seems to work. No matter how hard I try, I can't get my wings to come out. Roman's done it, Hailey's always been able to, and I didn't miss Virgil's, even though he was fast to tuck them in.

With a sigh, I throw back the covers. Since sleep won't come to me, I decide to head outside, but not before writing a note. I leave it on my desk, then head outside. The crisp autumn air sharpens my senses.

I know there is a clearing in the woods surrounding our house, so I head there, leaves crunching underfoot. I lay down on the damp grass, my hands behind my head. The stars glimmer softly overhead.

My eyelids finally grow heavy. With a sigh, I close them and drift into a dreamless sleep, knowing nothing can hurt me.

Chapter Text

When I head downstairs the next morning, I immediately know something is off. I look around.

Logan is at the table, textbooks strewn around him along with his journal and computer. To my surprise, Hailey is next to him, pointing at things and conversing with him. Remy and Emile are snuggling up on the couch, watching Aladdin with Roman.

Then I look at the kitchen, where Patton is normally whipping up whatever is for breakfast, but it's empty. I try to shrug it off, but there are alarm bells going off in my head. Since I know better than to ignore them, I go back upstairs wordlessly.

When I reach Patton's door, I knock. "You there, Pat?" I call out. No response. I knock again. Still nothing. I open the door hesitantly, not knowing what I'll find.

When I step inside, the room is still. I start to worry. It's not like Patton to run off without an explanation, so the only other option is that—

No. I wake up later than everyone else, so he might have gone outside. I head back downstairs.

This time, Logan notices me. "Good morning, Virgil," he says, glancing up. "Is everything alright? You seem worried, more so than usual."

"Did Patton come downstairs?" I ask, not even trying to hide my rising panic.

"No, why?" Hailey replies. "Is he not in his room?" I shake my head.

"Virgil, he probably just ran off," Roman assures, his voice and eyes full of care. "There's no need to work yourself up over this."

"He doesn't normally run off!" I protest.

"He also does not normally withdraw himself from the group or be startled by any and all sudden noises and sensations," Logan replies. "And yet he has done both of those things. I would not be surprised if he has run off."

"But what if he didn't?!" I nearly scream as tears prick my eyes. I can tell that I'm about to have a panic attack, despite my best efforts not to. "What if— what if Deceit has him a-and he's hurting him and I can't d-do anything to st-stop him!!" I'm unaware of Logan standing in front of me until his hand is on my shoulder.

"Virgil, you are being irrational. Breathe," he instructs. "In for four seconds. Hold for seven seconds. Out for eight seconds. Ok?" I follow the exercise, one that I know by heart.

When I'm calm enough, I say, "It's still a possibility.."

"Would it make you feel better if we asked them?" Logan asks, a glimmer of worry in his eyes. I nod. "Very well, then. We shall pay the others a visit."

"Can I come?" Roman asks excitedly, a hand on the hilt of his sword.

Reluctantly, I shake my head. "You tend to turn any little thing into a way bigger deal than it needs to be."

"You do that, too."

"Yeah, true, which is why I'm bringing Logan. He knows how to keep a level head." Is that a hint of blush in Logan's cheeks?

Roman pouts, but says, "Fiine, you can take Logan with you."

I take Logan's hand off my shoulder, then rush upstairs to the boundary. You better not have taken him..

Chapter Text

As Virgil and I approach the barrier, I notice Virgil become more tense. "If you do not wish to do this, I can always go on my own," I offer. Virgil shakes his head.

"There are a lot of... intricacies to the others," Virgil replies. "And you can only learn them by living with them."

I sigh, but allow Virgil to continue leading. I would prefer that he not purposely stress himself, however I understand that he is adamant about this venture.

Just before we reach the border, I notice Virgil's fists shaking, but from anger or anxiety I cannot tell. Knowing Virgil, it is most likely a combination of both. "It is not too late to turn back," I remind him. "I am perfectly capable of—"

"No," Virgil interrupts. "Out of all of us, I understand how they work the best. Besides, it's harder to take two people than just one." I sigh, knowing I cannot talk Virgil out of this, and continue forward.

We stand in front of the border, and Virgil takes my hand in both of his. Knowing he is trying to calm himself down, I squeeze his hand before calling out.

"Deceit, if you would please come to the border," I say, my voice slightly echoing in the emptiness of the hallway. Our resident liar is quick to appear, his golden eye glowing in the darkness.

"This is quite a surprise, I must say, Logan. Whatever seems to be the matter?" he asks. "Oh, and Virgil? You're here, too? My, my, this is a shock!"

"Enough with your games, Deceit," Virgil growls. "Where is Patton."

Deceit looks genuinely surprised. "He's not with you?"

"None of us have seen him today, he is not in his room, and Virgil is insistent that he has not run off," I explain, using my free hand to adjust my glasses. "Which leaves only one logical option remaining, that he is with you."

Deceit is silent for a few seconds. "I.. You're wrong, Virgil," he says eventually. "He had to have run off. I don't feel him anywhere in our part of the mindscape."

Virgil hisses. "You have to understand that we are inclined not to believe you due to your duplicitous nature," I explain. Deceit sighs.

"I know. But believe me this once, I don't have Patton." At this point, I notice that there is no longer a glow coming from Deceit's eye. I equate it to his eyes being closed.

"Yeah, right," Virgil scoffs. "You're just trying to get us off your case. Well, news flash: I'm not stupid! I know your games, and you can't fool me anymore, you—!"

"VIRGIL." Deceit steps forward, and I see that his eyes are both open... and brown. "I'll say it one more time and one more time only: I do not have Patton with me."

Virgil sighs, then turns to face me. "He's telling the truth." I blink in surprise, but trust that Virgil understands what is happening.

"Very well, then," I say. "If nothing is the matter, then we shall take our leave." I begin walking back to the living room, Virgil clearly worrying again. I place a hand on his arm. "We will find him, Virgil," I assure. Virgil nods, clearly not believing me. I frown as we continue walking.

Chapter Text

When I see Logan and Virgil coming back down the stairs, I leap up, a hand on the hilt of my sword. "Well?? Search or rescue?" I'm excited for either option.

"It appears the answer is search," Logan replies. I let my hand fall to my side.

"Alright, then," I say. "Assemble the search party!!!" Virgil flinches a little bit, probably from the sudden noise, but chuckles. I smirk a little bit.

"I'll get Remy," Virgil offers.

I nod. "And I'll get Emile." Virgil snaps his fingers, probably teleporting himself to wherever Remy is. I dash past Logan and head to the library, one of Emile's favorite places.

Sure enough, I see the curious sub-side reclined on a beanbag reading a book. His ankles are crossed, but that's not what catches my eye.

"What did you do to your hair this time?" I ask with a chuckle. Emile dog-ears the page and closes the book.

"Oh, do you like it? Remy helped," he replies, cheeks tinged with blush as he adds the last bit. His light brown hair is dyed with pastel pink hearts in varying sizes and angles. They don't look perfect, but this was clearly by hand, so I don't mind.

"How has your hair survived a full 24 hours without getting messed up?" I now ask, mostly for my personal benefit. Emile shrugs.

I remember why I came. "Anyways, we need you for a search party. Patton ran off." The sentence is barely out of my mouth before Emile leaps up.

"What are we waiting for then let's go!" Emile grabs my hand and practically drags me down the hallway.

Once we get downstairs, Virgil is back with Remy. I see him fidgeting with his hood, something he stops the moment he sees us.

"Emile, what happened to your hair?" Logan asks. I don't miss Remy blush.

"Just trying a new style," Emile replies nonchalantly.

"Very well, then." Logan adjusts his glasses. "Is everyone ready?" Hailey, Remy, and Emile nod.

"Ready as I'll Ever Be!" I exclaim.

"Trying not to think about the what-ifs," Virgil replies with a chuckle.

"As I expected." Logan adjusts his glasses and tie. "Very well. Let us set out."

Chapter Text

The first thing I notice when I wake up is warmth on one side of my face and something prickly on the other. I open one eye partially to see dewdrops on grass right in front of my face. I'm confused for a moment before remembering that I went outside last night.

I sigh and sit up before looking around. Sure enough, I'm still in the meadow. A bluebird catches my attention. I watch as the bird spreads his wings and takes flight, sending a pang of jealousy through me.

Something feels off, so I listen intently and hear voices. Something inside me tells me to hide, but I ignore it and move closer.

"Anything?" The voice is tinged with a note of fear.

"Obviously not!" The second voice is annoyed, but also dramatic. I creep closer, careful not to make any noise.

"Look, I get that you're freaking out, but we will find him," the second voice assures. "If not us, then Hailey or Logan's group, alright?" I blink in surprise.

When I move to where I can see them, sure enough, it's Roman and Virgil. Virgil's stance is closed off, and he looks like he's shaking. Roman has a tentative hand on his shoulder.

I want to step forward, give my dark strange son a reassuring hug, but something stops me. Fear. I'm scared. Scared of what they would say. Would they hate me? Be mad? Ignore me?

I blink. Where did that come from? Of course they won't be mad, they're looking for me.

Don't kid yourself! They wanna punish you for running off. I take a step back, suddenly wary. I dash back to the meadow as silently as I can.

I hear wingbeats overhead and look up to see a flash of white and golden yellow. Hailey. I sigh, shrinking back a little bit more. Eyes in the sky. Of course. I hide in the bushes silently.

~~~

Just by hiding in that one spot, I manage to avoid being found. I never saw Logan's group, which probably included Remy or Emile. Once I'm sure no one's in the forest, I start quietly sobbing.

Not too long after, I feel a soft hand stroking my hair. I bolt up to see a female side wearing an orange plaid hoodie with bright orange eyes.

"Who—" I begin, but the side cuts me off by placing a finger on my lips.

"Who I am isn't important right now," she replies. "What matters is that I'm trying to help. Now, tell me what's wrong."

"Th-they were looking for me," I start, tears threatening to well up. "M-my friends. I ran away last night... I had the p-perfect opportunity to go back, b-but I didn't, a-and now.." I'm forcing myself not to cry. "What's h-happening in my head is that V-Virgil's having a panic attack, Roman's trying to think up a way t-to get me home, Remy and Emile are in the l-library trying to forget, Logan's trying to drown himself i-in research to distract him, and Hailey? W-we all know she had a drinking problem when she was younger!!" The dam finally bursts and I start sobbing again.

"O-or what if they d-don't care?!" I continue. "Wh-what if everyone is j-just going on like n-normal... without me." I whisper the last part.

The mysterious female side places a hand on my shoulder. "I can show you what's happening if you'd like.." I nod slowly. The side in front of me takes a deep breath, and soon I see an image of my family.

Virgil is pacing, but it's frantic. Roman keeps writing then erasing things in his notebook. Remy and Emile are cuddled up on the couch. I don't see Logan or Hailey.

Two more pictures pop up. One shows Hailey sitting on a tree branch, her wings tucked in behind her. The other shows Logan searching my room for... something, probably a clue.

The images disappear. I sigh. "Is that normal?" the side asks. I shake my head, a soft smile tugging at my lips. The side puts a hand on mine.

"I should be going now," she says. "Just know that I'm on your side, ok?" I chuckle. "What? What's so funny?"

"You made a dad joke!" I whisper. The side shakes her head, grinning, and stands up.

"Don't do anything reckless, 'kay?" The side winks. "I'm rooting for you." I nod and wave as the side sinks out, knowing that maybe I'm not alone after all.

Chapter Text

I'm at the couch, notebook on the coffee table, trying to think of something, anything, to get Patton back home. "Virge, can you help me out?" I finally ask.

The reply I get is quiet and doesn't seem to be directed towards the question. "... not having Patton when we asked him, but he may have found him first!"

"Virgil, are you ok?" He's still pacing and, even though I can't feel it, I can tell his heart rate is going up.

"Or what if there's wild animals like wolves in those forests and he's hurt?!" Virgil's voice is gaining volume now. "Or he might've fallen off of a tree trying to get food or—"

"Virgil!" I snap my fingers. The emo nightmare finally stops pacing and looks at me. I sigh. "First, please stop, you're going to work yourself into a panic attack. Second, do you have any ideas on how to find Patton? I can't think of anything."

Virgil stares at me. "Princey needs my help," he says, visibly trying not to laugh. I sigh.

"Do you have any ideas?" I repeat. "Or are you just going to waste my time?"

"No, no, it's fine," Virgil replies, a chuckle creeping into his voice. "There's actually one song, and it's supposed to be taken figuratively, but..." Virgil pulls out his phone. Not too soon after, my own phone pings with a notification. "I sent it to you. Go ahead and listen to it."

And I do just that. The song definitely reflects our current circumstances. "Candles?" I ask with a small smile. Virgil nods.

"Candles."

~~~

I step back to check our progress. Hailey's flitting around the roof, Virgil's on the balcony, Emile and Remy are tackling the perimeter, and Logan is lining the walkway. I'm off to the side, duplicating candles for everyone to place.

After a few minutes, Remus comes over and sits next to me. "I don't exactly think this was fully your idea," he says. I smirk.

"Virgil gave me a prompt," I reply.

"Reasonable." I glance over at my little brother. To anyone else, he seems fine, but I know him. He's worried, too, I can tell. I place a hand on his shoulder.

"He's going to come back," I assure. Remus nods, clearly not believing me. I suppress a sigh and wrap my arms around him, resting my head on his shoulder. "He will. I promise." Remus pats my hand.

"I hate to interrupt the bonding moment," Hailey cuts in, "but everyone's finished." I glance up. Sure enough, all of the candles are exactly where they should be. The only space missing is in the grass.

I start to flourish my open hand, but pause. "You wanna help?" I ask Remus. "You have powers in the imagination, too." Remus's face lights up and he nods vigorously.

I stand up, then help my brother up. "On the count of three." Remus glances at me, eyes shining. "Three..." We raise our hands. "Two.." I take a deep breath. "One!" I flourish my hand as Remus snaps his fingers.

Immediately, the lawn is covered in candles, all of different sizes. I catch Remus beaming at me. I smile back, knowing Patton would have never let us do this.

"Thank you," Remus says. "For letting me help, I mean. You didn't have to."

"You're right, I didn't," I reply. "But what kind of brother would I be if I excluded you?" I ruffle Remus's already messy hair. Remus giggles. "Stick around a bit?"

Remus is silent for a moment, then he wraps his arms around me. "Duh!" he exclaims. "What kind of brother would I be if I didn't?" I chuckle.

"It's decided, then. Cmon, let's head back inside."

"Let's."

Chapter Text

That night, as I'm looking at the stars again, I see a faint blue light from the corner of my eye. I turn my head to look at it, but I can't see it. Assuming it's coming from the sky, I climb a nearby tree.

What I see is stunning. The entire house is glowing pale blue. There's a small speck of red in the middle. I shake my head, confused. Why is the house glowing... my color. Everything clicks. I leap down and start running.

When I finally get back, what I see takes my breath away. There are candles everywhere. They line the walkway to the house and are scattered around the lawn. Some are on windowsills and there's even a few on the roof. Each one is lit with a blue flame. I also see a few lanterns floating around.

Standing a few feet away from me, in the middle of the walkway, is Roman. He holds his own candle, lit with a pure red flame, and it illuminates the tender smile on his face and the small wells of tears in his eyes.

"Ro.." I breathe, awestruck. "Is this all for me?"

Roman chuckles softly and nods before setting the candle down and walking over to me. He places a hand on my shoulder. "Don't ever run away again. Please." A few tears spill out of his eyes. "I missed you."

"Roman..." I reach up to wipe his tears away, my hands momentarily catching on my long sleeves. "Don't cry, kiddo, I'm here now."

"I know, Patton," Roman says, his voice catching ever so slightly. "And I never want to lose you again." I start tearing up myself, so I bury my face into Roman's chest and let the tears flow freely, my arms wrapped tightly around him. Roman doesn't hesitate to hug me back even tighter.

"Am I interrupting something?" Hailey asks. I can't see her, but I can hear the smirk in her voice. I want to tell her everything, but hold back so I only have to say it once.

"Get over here," I say instead. After a moment, I can hear footsteps on the pavement and I'm soon hugged from one side as well. I wiggle one arm out, then wrap it around Thomas's only female side. I run a finger along the spot on her back where her wings start, giving her silent permission to let them out. She does so and wraps those around us as well. I stay there, breathing in the scent of home, just enjoying this moment of calm before—

"PATTON!" The brief peace is shattered and I steady myself just in time to not be knocked over by Virgil tackle hugging me. "Don't ever do that again!" My dark strange son sobs into my chest. I pat his back reassuringly, not saying a word.

"Patton, are you alright?" Logan asks, walking up to us. "It is truly unlike you to run off unless there is something very wrong."

"I'm fine, Lo," I reply quietly.

"Falsehood. As I said, you do not normally run off unless something is truly bothering you."

What am I supposed to say, I couldn't stand being around everyone's wings and not having my own? No, they'll hate me! "I just needed some alone time, and I knew Remus wouldn't let me have that if he knew where I was." There. That's technically not a lie.

"You just have to scare me into submission," Remus says, high heeled boots clicking on the stone pavement. "Virgil used to do that all the time when he wanted me to leave him alone."

"That was different, Remus," Virgil said, his voice leaking veiled irritation. "First off, I was a dark side, and second off, I was able to scare you because of what I was. I could still technically do it as Anxiety, but it won't be as easy or effective as it was."

"Whatever." I can hear the eye roll in Remus's voice. "Either way, everyone else is waiting inside for you. Remy fell asleep and Dee wanted to stay with him." I chuckle.

"Lead the way."

Once we get inside, Deceit glances up at me and an obvious wave of relief washes over his face. "I knew you would be alright~," he lies, standing up to walk over to me.

I scoff. "No need to put on a brave face," I tell him. "Admit it, you were worried about me."

"Of course I was worried, Patton! You're the foundation of Thomas's personality, he has everything to lose if you're gone!"

"For once, Deceit has a valid point," Logan adds, walking in behind us. "Although I find it rather intriguing that he was worried. You are his complete offset."

"Even the apparent villains have a heart," I remind, casting a glance at Virgil, who winks at me. Then I realize something. I have to tell them while they're all together. 

Chapter Text

I clear my throat once everyone is inside. "Kiddos, I have something to tell you," I announce, trying to keep my voice from trembling. "Can everyone come into the living room?"

Not a minute later, everyone is in the living room. I'm in front of the blinds, my usual spot in videos. Remy and Emile are sitting on the floor and it looks like their thighs are touching. Virgil's sitting on the edge of the coffee table with Logan glaring at him from the corner of the sofa. Roman and Remus are sitting on opposite sides of the couch with Deceit leaning forward and resting his arms on the backboard. They're all here... This is my only chance!

I clear my throat again. "So, I'm pretty sure all of you have noticed that I've been acting a bit... off lately." Some nod, some hum in agreement, and Virgil mutters "That's one way to put it." "Well, there's something I've been meaning to show you guys for a while now.. It's ok if you don't care, I don't mind if you laugh, but I need to get this out." I take a deep breath before rolling down my sleeves.

I hesitate for a moment, hugging my arms to my chest. No, Patton, I remind myself. It's now or never. Before I can change my mind, I thrust my arms forward, showing everyone the scars that lay there.

I screw my eyes shut and wait for someone to scoff or laugh or something. What I don't expect is a pair of arms to wrap around me, pinning my arms in place. I struggle for a moment before I realize it's Virgil and he's openly sobbing.

"H-hey," I say, trying to reach up to wipe away his tears. "D-don't cry, kiddo, I'm alright!"

"Why didn't you tell us!?!"

"I.. didn't want you guys to laugh.." I reply, slightly ashamed. Virgil moves his arms so he's gripping my shoulder with one hand and cupping my cheek with the other. His eyes are firm, but shine with concern at the same time.

"Patton, no one's laughing at you," he whispers, his voice cracking.

I hear footsteps, then Logan is holding my hand gingerly, and am I imagining it or are there tears in his eyes?

"Logie..?" I ask. "D-did I do something wrong...?"

"No, Patton," Logan replies, and oh my god he is crying! "You made the right decision by telling us." That's when the floodgates open.

"I-I'm sorry!" I exclaim, burying my face in my bare arms. "I didn't want to bring anyone down!"

"Patton, it's alright," Logan reassures, running his thumb over my knuckles. "Your situation could have gotten much worse if you simply continued to bottle up your emotions." I half heartedly glare at Logan, knowing full well that he's telling me to do something that he is very guilty of, before sighing.

"I'll be outside if you need me," I inform everyone, the dejection clear in my voice. Before anyone can protest, I push my way out of Virgil's arms and head to the backyard, where I start openly sobbing.

~~~

Once my sobbing fit dies down, I lean back and look at the stars. It's a new moon, so they seem especially bright.

"Patton? How do you feel?" Logan asks as he walks up to me. He sounds genuinely concerned.

"I'm fine, Lo," I reply honestly. "Just thinking." Logan sits down next to me, the starlight highlighting his features. I catch my cheeks heating up a little bit.

"I have been thinking as well." Logan sits down and closes his eyes. "Patton, this... behavior. Is there a chance that it is due to your wings?"

"You mean that I'm the only one who doesn't have them?" I say, only half sarcastic.

"It is not that you do not have your wings, it is that you cannot find your trigger. If you would like, I could help you find it."

"Lo, it's fine. I'm fine." I say the last part strongly, hoping it's believable.

"Falsehood. This is clearly troubling you if you both run away and are hurting yourself." Logan places his hand on mine, making me blush a little bit more. His eyes shine with raw concern. "It is extremely troubling seeing you like this. I want to help you in any way that I can." Logan turns to face me. "Patton, please. What do you need me to do?"

"I..." I think for a second as butterflies in my stomach flutter. "Just stay here? Please?"

"Of course." I smile softly, then lean against Lo and rest my head on his shoulder, still holding hands. As Logan runs his fingers over my knuckles, I feel a wave of peace wash over me. I hum softly, the tension in my body fading away more with each second until it's gone. I slowly drift off until I'm asleep.

Chapter Text

Patton and I sit in silence for a short while before I hear him softly snoring. I glance at him and smile. He looks so peaceful when he's asleep. I pick Patton up and carry him inside.

Hailey is in the living room. She takes one look at us and her eyes widen. Her wings flap with astonishing alacrity, yet her feet stay planted. "Logicality..." she whispers, then sinks down. I decide not to dwell on what just happened.

I take Patton to his room. I lay him on his bed, then pull the blankets over him. I go to my room to get bandages. When I return, Patton is humming. I take a chair and pull it up next to his bed. I gingerly begin bandaging Patton's arms.

When I finish, I search Patton's room for razor blades. I find five scattered around and a plethora more inside a box in his dresser. All of them are covered in blood. "Patton.." I whisper, a tear slipping down my cheek. "Why didn't you tell us?"

As I am about to leave, I hear a muffled whimper. I glance back at Patton, who is tossing and turning fitfully. I walk back and sit on the floor where I can see Patton's face. He's crying.

"No.." he says, so quietly that I would have difficulty understanding him if I couldn't read his lips. "Don't hurt them... please..!" He begins to cry harder. I take his hand in mine, running my thumb over his knuckles. Patton slowly stops crying.

When I am sure that he is alright, I return his room to its original state and leave. I take one last look before closing the door and returning to my room to settle in for the night.

Chapter Text

I stalk through the hallway. These "little" intrusions of his are starting to become big problems.

My mind flashes back to seeing those scars in Patton's wrists. I was stunned into silence and, besides, I doubt he would have appreciated me adding into the conversation.

I shake my head angrily. Having Patton run away is one thing, but this?! I hiss softly. This was never supposed to happen.

When I reach my destination, I don't bother to knock, just throw open the door, startling the resident. "Dee, before you do anything rash, breathe," he instructs, standing up.

"Don't f*cking tell me to breathe!" I spit in reply, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him closer to me. His dark black eye shines with not only concern, but fear. I smirk inwardly. Good. Let him be scared. "He was never supposed to get hurt."

"Dee, what the hell are you—" He stops. "Wait. This is about Patton, isn't it?"

"Yes it's about Patton! He was never supposed to get hurt!!" I'm almost screaming.

"Deceit, I really suggest you take a chill pill." I scoff.

"And why should I?" I ask, putting my face just inches away from his.

"Because you're going to give Patton a nightmare." I blink a couple of times. "Our emotional states are closely linked now. If I get scared, he'll feel it to some extent."

I sigh, knowing he's right, and let him go. "Just.. be careful now, ok?" He nods. Satisfied, I walk out.

"Well, that certainly went according to plan~"

Shut up.

"Hm.. How about no?"

Dude, seriously. Shut up.

"Ok ok fine I'll shut up geez."

That was kind of you. But I don't think scaring him like that was a good idea, even if their emotional states weren't linked.

I know, I know. I just really care about him. I mean, he was my closest friend.

"Yeah, but then he decided you weren't beneficial to Thomas and threw you out."

I thought you said you were going to shut up?

He has a point, though. Is Patton really worth protecting that much? I mean, he can bounce back.

But he'll need help.

He has the light sides, especially Virgil. He's a perfect case for overcoming this.

Yeah, I'm sure he'll bring that up. But will it be enough..?

Chapter Text

"So? How's the plan coming along?"

"Good. Phase two is complete."

"Lovely to hear. When is phase three scheduled to start?"

"We may have to push it back, everyone is on edge."

"The longer we wait, the more time they have to help, and the harder the plan will be."

"I know. But they're also on high alert. If we move too soon, the entire operation will fail."

"Fine. Two days, we begin phase three. Deal?"

"Deal."

Chapter Text

A s I sit in my room, brooding like I usually do around this time, a gun appears in my hand.

Do it. You know they don’t love you. They’ll be happier when you’re gone.

I think for a moment before Logan’s favorite piece of advice comes to me: Think through your actions and prepare for each and every repercussion. 

“Who gets what?” I whisper to myself, closing my eyes to think.

Come again?

“Who gets what?” I repeat, my voice stronger. “Which of the others will get the different parts of me? I’d have to duck out so that I don’t hurt Thomas, but I can’t undo that if I’m dead. So who’s going to take over which parts of me?”

Well, which part of yourself do you find the most important? All of the sudden, three heart-shaped lockets are in front of me. They have fine, golden threads and seem to be emitting a glow from inside.

“I’m.. not sure. My main attribute is Morality, so I guess that?” One of the lockets stops glowing.

Now, would you say that selflessness goes with that?

“I mean, I guess..? Why are you as—” The first locker flashes and turns red. 

Let Creativity have that. Who gets emotions?

“Uh, I’m not sure…? Logan doesn’t like his emotions, but wouldn’t letting Virgil have them make Thomas more anxious..?” The other two lockets flash, one dark blue and one purple.

Guess it’s Russian Roulette, then, my dear Morality! Give them the lockets and, when you duck out, they get the attributes. But who has emotions, Anxiety or Logic? I guess we’ll find out in due time. Well, they will, at least!

“Ok,” I whisper, tears pricking my eyes. “But, before you go.”

Make it quick. 

“Are you really just a voice, or are you another side?”

Silence, then: That’s for me to know and you to find out, Patton.

I sit there, stunned. That’s the first time they’ve used my name… I shake my head and forget about it, deciding to instead give the others their lockets.

I start with Virgil, rising up into his room to see him sitting on the stairs, headphones on. I’m about to call out to him, but stop short when I see him hugging his knees to his chest and a dark patch surrounding him, its shadowy tendrils slowly spreading across the wall.

I walk over slowly. As I get closer, I can hear voices, but I don’t know what they’re saying. “Virgil..?” I whisper. No response. I take a few more steps forward and the voices become much more audible.

Worthless

They hate you

Not enough

Can’t protect anyone

Useless

Paranoia 

He’s better off without you

DARKSIDE

I finally reach Virgil’s side. “Kiddo, you ok..?” I ask, placing a hand on his shoulder. Then I feel his racing heartbeat and hear his fast breaths and it clicks. I hug him tightly. “I’m here, Virgil. I’m right here.”

It takes a minute, but soon the voices die down and I hear my son’s quiet voice. “P-Pat..?” 

“Hey, kiddo,” I reply. 

Virgil chuckles, then I feel arms wrapped around my torso. “Thanks for that.”

I kiss the top of Virgil’s head. “Always happy to help.”

Then I remember why I came. I reach into my pocket and pull out the locket with the purple glow. “Here, I got you something.” I hand Virgil the locket. He takes it and puts it on, fumbling with the clasp for a moment.

“I, uh, thanks?” Virgil stammers. “Why are you--?”

“Because,” I reply with a shrug. I regret not taking a moment to think of a proper excuse. “Now, I'm gonna go give Logan and Roman theirs. Cya, kiddo!” Virgil waves as I bounce off.

I decide to go to Roman first. He's in the imagination, as I expected, but Remus is with him this time. I'm not entirely sure what they're doing, but they seem to be having fun, so I decide to leave them be.

Logan is the only one left, so I go to him. I knock and poke my head in to see him reading. “Hey, Lo!” I greet with a smile.

Logan glances up. “Patton. Salutations. Do you need anything?”

I shake my head and hold out the dark blue locket. “Just had something I wanted to give you!”

Logan stands up and walks over. He takes the locket in his hand and starts to examine it. “Patton, this detail..” he begins. “This is exquisite! Where did you find it?!” He seems really excited.

“Huh? Oh, uh..” I rack my brain for a good excuse. “Roman made it!”

A faint smile flashes across Logan’s face. “That makes sense,” he says quietly. “Is there any particular reason why you’re giving this to me now?”

“I felt like it.” It’s the same thing I told Virgil, but sticking to one story makes a lie more believable. 

Logan doesn’t seem satisfied with that answer, but he puts the locket on anyways. “Well, Patton, that is very kind of you.” I beam, a faint warmth rising on my cheeks. 

“I’m gonna go start dinner,” I say. Logan nods and I head off to the kitchen, my heart heavy.

Chapter Text

I continue to stand at the door after Patton closes it. That entire interaction was inexplicably odd. I highly doubt that Patton would have gone out of his way to ask Roman for a favor for a "just because.” Since having another viewpoint would be the most beneficial route, I decide to ask Virgil for his input.

When I arrive in his room, he is sitting on the stairs with his absurdly large headphones on, as I expected. I also notice that he is  twirling a fine, gold chain around his index finger.

“Did Patton give you that?” Virgil stops twirling the chain and pushes back his headphones. 

“Yeah, it’s from Patton,” he replies. “Why do you care?”

“Where did he say it came from?”

“I didn’t ask, so I don’t know! Why are you asking??”

“I fear that Patton is hiding something from us.” My words are carefully chosen so that I do not distress Virgil.

“And why do you think that?”

“When I asked Patton where he got the necklaces, he replied that Roman made them. However, I know for a fact that he and Remus have been in the imagination for the past hour and twenty-eight minutes. That is far longer than Patton's average whim lasts.”

“Ok? And why is this concerning, exactly?” 

“Virgil, I..” I am hesitant to share my fears, but Virgil deserves to know what may happen. The more I consider the possibility, the more it becomes the most likely outcome. I take a deep breath. “I am worried that Patton has become.. suicidal.”

Virgil blinks a few times before he begins to laugh, confusing me greatly. “You're kidding, right?!” he asks. “This is all just some sick and twisted joke you and Patton made up!” Then Virgil begins to cry. “Please.. please tell me this is all a joke…”

I am unsure what to do. I cannot completely quell his fears without telling him a falsehood, and there is a strong possibility of Virgil knowing I committed a falsehood.

I tentatively walk up to Virgil and crouch in front of him. I place a hand on his shoulder. “Virgil,” I say, attempting to imitate a tone Patton has used multiple times during this type of situation. Virgil looks at me, and the tears in his eyes glisten in the low light of his room. “I do not know for sure if that is the case. I may very well be reading too far into this.

Virgil smiles faintly. “Thanks, teach,” he says while wiping his eyes. “Yknow, you're really starting to get the hang of working with emotions.” 

I blush slightly from the praise. “I believe I should return to my room now,” I deflect. I stand up. “Notify me if there are any developments, either on Patton’s condition or my hypothesis.” 

“Alright,” Virgil replies as he gives a two-fingered salute. “Cya, Lo.”

“Farewell.” I walk back to my room and process the current events further.

Chapter Text

I 'm listening to music when a text comes in from Roman.

Hey, Panic at the Everywhere!

I have an idea to cheer up our beloved father figure!

Ok, you’re telling me this why, exactly?

Because, as much as it pains me to say it…

I’m going to need your help.

I burst into laughter.

I’m sorry, what?! 

Princey, needing MY help!? Again?!

Virgil. I’m being serious.

Ok, ok, fine, what do you need help with?

I was thinking we could do a collaborative project? I send you a picture and you type lyrics on it?

Cool

Don’t You Dare Forget the Sun?

That’ll work. What are the lines?

I know you’re laying in bed / Contemplating your own death / Just look at what you’ve done / Don’t you dare forget the sun, love!

On it!

After a few minutes, Roman sends me a picture of sunlight peeking through storm clouds. I smirk, add lyrics, and text the picture to Patton. 

Wow, Virge… 

That was deathly accurate.

I stop cold, realizing exactly what he just said, then teleport to his room. What I see is everything I never wanted to happen.

Patton’s sitting on the bar, a gun pressed to his head and tears running down his face, but he’s smiling. His hoodie, which is normally on or around his shoulders, is on the couch where blood spray won’t reach it. My breath hitches, then I go into full protective mode, down to the voice.

“Patton Morality Sanders,” I order, voice echoing. “Put. The gun. Down.” Patton smiles sadly, then opens his eyes. They’re red from crying. His hand is shaking.

“Why?” he asks in a tear-choked voice that’s barely above a whisper.

“Well, for starters—” I start, taking a step forward.

“Stay back,” Patton interrupts in warming, trying and failing miserably to glare. 

I stop. “Patton, if you do this, you’ll break our hearts.”

“You have the memories.”

“But we can’t make new ones if you’re gone!” Patton’s resistance worries me ten times more than the gun he’s pressing against his head. I take a deep breath. “Ok, new approach. What about Thomas? You’re the foundation of his personality!”

“That’s why I gave you guys the lockets, Virge.” Patton’s voice holds a note of pride. “You, Roman, and Logan each get one of the biggest parts of me.” I guess Logan was right.

“But what about Hailey, Remy, and Emile?!”

“They can share my room.” Patton sighs. “Give up, Virgil. You’re not going to win.”

“I can still try!” I walk forward, determined to keep my father figure safe.

“Stay back!” Patton yells, and I recognize the fear in his voice as the one in my own heart. I continue forward, Patton telling me to stay back the whole time, until I’m standing in front of him.

“Patton,” I say, meeting his terrified gaze. “ I get it. I understand how it feels to be alone, even when you’re not. You make this illusion in your head that no one cares about you, that everyone hates you, that it would be better if you’re gone. But that’s not right. Because we do care. ” My voice is firm. “ We care about how you feel. We care about what you do. We care about your health. ” 

I take a deep breath. “Pat, when I was still a darkside, your caring attitude was the only thing that kept me going. Every time I thought about giving up, I remembered the smiles you always gave me, even when I was being a jerk, and I couldn’t bring myself to end it. Not when I would hurt you in the process.”

I can see in Patton’s eyes that he is considering putting the gun down, so I take my chance and extend a hand. “You were my lifeline. So, please, let me be yours.” After a moment, Patton slowly moves the gun away from his head, hand shaking and tears forming back up. Both of us move slowly as Patton hands me the gun and I take it, then switch on the safety and put it on the table.

Patton leaps down and wraps his arms around me, sobbing openly. I hug him back even tighter, the reality of what just happened finally settling in and chilling me to the bone.

“I’m so s-sorry, Virgil,” Patton says, sobbing into my chest. “I am so so so so s-sorry!”

“Shh… shhh.. It’s okay, Pat, it’s not your fault,” I reply, stroking his hair, a few silent tears slipping down my cheeks. “Just remember that we’re all here and that we all love you unconditionally.” 

“I know, kiddo, but the v-voice…” I stiffen.

“What do you mean, voice?” I ask, trying to keep my voice tender, but a hard edge still manages to creep in.

“Th-there’s a voice, and he tells me all of these things, and the only way to g-get him to be quiet is to distract myself with pain a-and..!” Patton starts crying harder. I continue comforting him, resting my head on his, anger bubbling up inside me. You promised you wouldn’t influence him.

Once Patton’s sobs die down, he pulls back from the hug and says, “I’m so sorry if I scared you, kiddo.”

“Patton, it’s fine,” I reply, my voice firm as firm as my hands on his shoulders and as strong as my gaze when I meet his eyes. “ Those voices can be unbearable, I know, but you can’t let them control you. Anything they say to you is a lie. I need to you remember that, ok? You are loved. ” Patton nods. “ Any time you feel like you should end it, tell me. I promise, I will drop everything and come running. ” Patton smiles softly. “ I am here. ”

“Please don’t tell the others,” Patton requests, a tear slipping down his cheek.

“Of course,” I agree, wiping his stray tear. “Your secret is safe with me.”

“C-can I go be with Logie..?”

“I was actually just about to suggest that. Come on.” I take Patton’s hands in mine and teleport to Logan’s room.

“Is there something I can help you with?” Logan asks immediately. He has his laptop open and some textbooks around him.

“Would you mind looking after Patton for a bit? I have some… errands to run.” Logan turns his head to look at us, gives me what seems to be a glare, then nods. 

“Very well, just be careful.” Well, he caught on quick.

“I can take care of myself,” I say, rolling my eyes, then turn to address Patton and Logan. “Anyway, you two have fun, but don’t have too much fun!” I wink, making Patton’s entire face turn red. Logan even flushes a little bit.

“V-Virgil!” Patton exclaims, giving me a light shove. I laugh, then walk out, holding on to the cheer. I know I’ll need to keep hold of it.

Chapter Text

V irgil approaches the barrier between light and dark side territory. His hands are in fists by his side and his jaw is visibly clenched. Rage bubbles up inside him.

“Little wing!” The anxious side stops and looks up to see a side wearing all black clothing—black jeans, shiny black lace-up combat boots, and a black leather jacket—on the opposite side of the barrier, waving at him with one hand, the other in his pocket, and a confident smile on his face. One of his eyes is jet black and his hair is streaked with the same shade.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?” Virgil growls, glaring at the black-clad side through his bangs. The new side chuckles.

“Aw, what’s wrong, Virgil?” he asks, his voice mocking. “Do you not want to see your big brother anymore?” Virgil’s head snaps up.

“We may go hand-in-hand, Depression,” the anxious side grits though his teeth, “but we are not brothers.” 

“Aww, why not?” Depression mock-pouts, clasping his hands over his heart. “You used to love me! Remember your old outfit? I think I inspired that.”

“Maybe you did, but those days are gone. Especially since you broke your promise.”

“Whatever do you mean, Paranoia?”

“I AM NOT PARANOIA ANYMORE!!!” the anxious side screams, at his limits with the side of depression.

“You can call yourself Anxiety, but you’re still one of us, deep down.”

“Maybe so,” Virgil says, knowing he won’t get anywhere with arguing, “but at least I don’t break my promises.” Depression’s smile falters for a split second, then returns stronger than before.

“Aww, are you upset about lil’ Morality?”

“You promised me you wouldn’t influence anyone. And yet Patton just tried to kill himself. That sounds like your influence.” Depression chuckles.

“Guilty as charged, then, brother.”

“Like I said, I am not your brother anymore.” Virgil’s words are clipped. “Either way, I can see now that, even though you’ve affected Patton so much, Deceit has influenced you plenty more.” With that, the anxious side spins on his heel and walks away, leaving Depression stunned into silence.

Chapter Text

W hatcha working on?” I ask once Virgil leaves. 

“The effects of neurology on side development,” Logan replies, not looking up.

“Still? You’ve been working on that for a month, have you not found anything?” I realize the question may be harsh the moment it’s out of my mouth, but Logan doesn’t seem offended.

“I have not found a definitive answer, no,” he clarifies. I take a seat on the edge of his bed and think for a moment.

“Maybe because it’s different for everyone?” I suggest. The scratch of pencil on paper pauses and Logan looks at me.

“Would you mind clarifying?” He sounds genuinely curious.

“Well, a lot of things differ from person to person,” I start. “It would only make sense that neurology, even the same disorder, would be that way as well.” Logan nods. “And then, since the neurology would be different, so would the sides. Right? And then maybe that means there’s no true neurotypical set!” I’m really on a roll now. Logan holds up a hand to tell me to stop, but I ignore it. “Actually, maybe there’s no such thing as neurotypical at all!”

“Patton, science has proven that—”

“So then wait. If there’s no neurotypical, then does that mean I’m not special!?” Unable to hold my energy, I leap up off the bed and start pacing.

“Patton..?”

“Because what makes me special is that I’m part of the neurotypical set so oh my god that would mean I’m not special wouldn’t it!” I start to tear up. 

“Patton.”

“I knew it! I’m not special and never have been!”

“PATTON.” I pause and glance at Logan out of the corner of my eye. I watch him stand up, keeping my back to him.

“You’re just going to agree with me, aren’t you?” I mutter, closing my eyes. I hear footfalls, and then Logan’s hand is on my shoulder.

“Of course not,” he replies, his voice tender. “Patton, look at me.” I open one eye, tears threatening to spill out. “ You are special, if not to anyone else, then to me. To me, you are so much more than you will ever realize. ” He lays his head on mine. “ I don’t care what you may tell yourself, you are worth every multiverse and more. ” 

I start to tear up again, but this time they’re happy tears. “Lo..” I whisper, then reach up to hold the hand on my shoulder. The only sounds are our breaths and heartbeats, both of which soon synchronize. I slowly let myself relax until I fall asleep.

Chapter Text

T he moment Patton’s body relaxes, I know he is asleep. I sigh softly and lay him on my bed, then return to my studies. My mind continues to drift back to Patton’s existential crisis despite my careful nudging. With a sigh, I add the event to my diary.

I still cannot focus, as I am hyper aware of Patton’s sleeping form. I shake my head and grab a book, then sit in my armchair and read. I have read the book countless times before, as is the case with the majority of my personal library, so I am able to let my attention wander.

When there is a knock at my door, in Morse Code for V, I insert my bookmark and say, “Quietly, now. Patton fell asleep.”

Virgil opens the door, chuckling. “Were you really that boring?” he asks, then smiles to let me know it was a joke.

“Virgil, that was not at all funny,” I inform him. I stand up and adjust my glasses. “I also must tell you something that is mildly distressing.”

“Ok, if you say it’s just mildly distressing, then it’s probably going to freak me out. What happened.” I notice that Virgil does not sound as if he is posing a question.

“While you and Depression were speaking with each other, Patton had what I can only describe as an existential crisis.” I recount the earlier events to Virgil, noting how he begins to fidget with his hood. “I would also like to note that self harm and existential crisies are two warning signs of suicidal feelings, adding evidence to my theory.” 

“About that..” Virgil interrupts, nerves evident in his voice. 

“He just tried to do it, didn’t he?” I ask, and Virgil nods. I sigh. “Unbelievable.. I will keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't try again while under my supervision. I trust that you will do so as well?” Virgil nods. “I will stay with Patton for the time being.” Virgil nods once more and walks away. I close the door and resume reading.

Chapter Text

I wake up slowly. The first thing I notice is the soft sound of pages rustling. Not  long after, I feel something lightly pressing against my torso and legs. Then I notice that everything smells like Logan, meaning I’m probably still in his room. I open one eye. My glasses are on the nightstand. I put them on, then push back the light blue blanket Logan must have covered me with and stand up.

“Ah, you’re awake,” I hear Logan say from behind me. I turn to look at him. He stands up from his armchair, puts in a bookmark, and walks over to me. “Are you alright?”

I nod, giving him a hopefully believable smile. “Of course! Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Patton, we’ve talked about this,” Logan admonishes, adjusting his glasses. “It is imperative that you not lie to us when you are upset. Faking a smile can be detrimental.” Logan’s voice is tender and I can see a faint blush on his cheeks. I sigh.

“Lo, you know it’s habitual,” I tell him, not meeting his eyes. “My natural instinct is to protect you, just like Virgil, except I’m trying to protect your feelings. And don’t tell me you don’t have feelings,” I add before Logan can contradict me. “You were the one who said that repression doesn’t work, so quit being such a hypocrite.” Logan says nothing. I sigh. “Anyways, I’m gonna head back to my room. Cya, Lo.” The farewell doesn’t sound as cheerful as it usually does, but I don’t care. I walk out briskly, fighting the oncoming tears, knowing I can’t let them show.

Chapter Text

L ater that night, Patton sits in his room, silently crying. He knows he can’t end it; every time he looks at the gun, he can hear Virgil’s voice. Lifelines are so effective, too effective sometimes. He sighs, unaware of the black tendril slowly creeping towards him until it's around his neck. The moral side only has enough time to let out a strangled yelp before he can’t breathe. He claws at the tendril hoping someone, anyone, heard him. Logan, Roman, Virgil, even Deceit or Remus, as long as he was heard.

Luckily for him, someone did hear. Virgil pushes back his headphones, not sure who he should check on, so he decides to check on Patton first. “Hey, Pat, I thought I heard a scream, is every—” The anxious side stops short when he sees Patton, then runs over to him, cursing under his breath. “Hang in there, Pat. LOGAN! ROMAN!”

“Yes, em—” Roman begins as he rises up, then inhales sharply. “What the hell?!”

“This is… not good.” Logan adds, adjusting his glasses.

“Understatement,” Virgil mutters, then at a normal volume, asks, “What do I need to do?” The panic rolling off of him in waves is only amplified by Patton’s.

The creative side forms an orb of light. “Virge, move,” he commands. The anxious side takes one glance at him and hugs Patton tighter. The moral side responds by weakly grasping Virgil’s shoulder. His vision is starting to blur at the edges and black spots are popping up.

“No. I need to read his aura, and you’re going to mess it up.” The anxious side’s voice has a hard edge to it and his eyes are almost… glowing? Roman blinks a couple times, then reluctantly sighs and lets the orb dissipate.

Virgil turns his attention back to the moral side, whose eyelids are starting to flutter. “Patton. Stay with me.” The anxious side takes a deep breath and his eyes glow full white. He moves a hand to the shadowy tendril, careful not to touch it. His hand hovers there for a moment.

Virgil mutters something unintelligible under his breath, then orders in a no-nonsense tone, “Camden Depression Sanders, get in here right now.” 

Depression pops up, clapping. “I’m impressed, Virgil! You’ve never been able to do this before.”

“Well, my loved ones have never been in danger before, either,” the anxious side snaps sarcastically, meeting Depression’s eyes with a hard gaze of his own. “So that’s probably why.”

“Fair enough, fair enough.” Depression flicks his wrist and the shadowy tendril around Patton’s neck slinks back. The moral side slumps over, his eyes closed. With a dark chuckle, the side of depression sinks out.

Logan walks over to Virgil and Patton, then takes Patton’s wrist. After a moment, he sighs. “His heart is still beating,” he informs the others. “He is merely unconscious. Allow him time to rest. He will wake up, I assure you.”

“You guys go ahead,” Virgil says, his voice tired. “I’m gonna stay with Pat.”

“If you insist.” The logical and creative sides walk out.

With a sigh, the anxious side carries his father figure to the couch, then gets blankets and pillows to surround him with.

Chapter Text

A bout an hour later, Hailey, Remy, and Emile run in. “We heard what happened, is Patton ok??” Emile asks.

“Relatively,” I reply, stroking Patton’s head, which is in my lap. “I knew Camden could be a bitch, but this is extreme.” 

“Wait, this was my COUSIN!?” Hailey exclaims. “Ooh, where is he?! I swear, I’m gonna kill him!” Hailey’s wings extend even further.

“Hailey, NO,” Remy orders, his voice firm. “We are not killing anyone.”

“W-well then, I-I’ll break his arm!” Hailey stutters in reply. She still sounds angry, but her wings are retracting.

“Violence isn’t the right way to go about this, Hope,” I say, catching Hailey off guard by using her attribute. “Trust me, I understand. I wanna snap his neck a thousand times over just to hear it, but Patton wouldn’t want that.” Hailey sighs.

“Yeah, I guess not…” she replies reluctantly. “But when he wakes up, could you ask him for permission?”

I chuckle. “No problem, Hai,” I reply. 

“Cmon, let’s leave them be,” Emile says, turning around to walk out. Remy and Hailey follow. Hailey glances back over her shoulder and gives me what I can only guess is a sympathetic look before heading out.

~*——__——*~

That evening, Logan comes in. “Virgil, would you like to come downstairs and eat dinner with us?” he asks, eyeing me and Patton with something close to... jealousy? 

“No thanks, Lo,” I reply, shaking my head. “I’d rather stay with Patton.” 

Logan nods. “If you insist. Just realize that you cannot stay by his side at all times. You will need to take breaks to rest, nourish, and relieve yourself.”

“Yeah, I get that, it’s just… I feel like this is my fault, yknow?” Logan motions for me to continue. “It’s just.. I’m the protector of the group, and then Patton got hurt, and it’s just…” I sigh. “I don’t even know anymore, Logan. It’s just this complicated jumble of obligations and guilt and a lot of other stuff, and I feel like staying is the only way to make sense of what’s going on.”

“Very well, then. If this is what it requires to untangle your convoluted ball of emotions, I shall leave you be.” With that, Logan sinks out. I sigh and take another look at Patton. 

Normally, when he sleeps, he has a calm smile, but this time his face has remnants of fear on it. I run my thumb over his cheek, wiping away a stray tear. Soon my own eyelids grow heavy. I settle so my head is next to Patton’s, then close my eyes and let a light sleep overtake me.

Chapter Text

A s I come to, the first thing I notice is a slight throbbing on either side of my neck. Slowly, I open one eye. There’s a lot of black, dispersed with purple. I smile and open my other eye as well.

Virgil is asleep next to me, a small smile tugging at his lips. I ruffle his hair and push back the blankets. Virgil whimpers and reaches his hand towards where I was, catching me off guard.

I giggle, then grab a photo album and sit down next to Virgil, who immediately snuggles up against my leg. I place one hand on his head and the photo album in my lap. 

About halfway through, Virgil stirs and his eyes open. “Patton, what are you—?” he starts groggily, but snaps to the moment we make eye contact. “Patton!” Virgil’s eyes light up and he springs forward to wrap his arms around my neck. “Oh, Pat, you’re ok!!”

“Yeah, kiddo,” I reply, hugging Virgil back. “I’m okay. What happened, exactly? I remember you telling me to hang on, but I couldn’t, and then I woke up and you were asleep next to me.”

With a soft growl, Virge pulls back. “Well, Depression was the one who attacked you. He let you go once I confronted him, but by then you were already out cold.” Virgil chuckles. “Also, Hailey asked for permission to break his arms.”

“Denied.”

“Thought you’d say that. Anyway, we should probably head downstairs.”

I nod. “Lead the way, kiddo,” I say before noticing the mischievous grin sliding across Virgil’s face. Before I can ask what he’s planning, he picks me up, wraps my arms around his neck, and takes off. “Virge!” I exclaim through laughter. “Put me down!”

Virgil doesn’t let go of me until we’re downstairs, where he deposits me on the couch. I look at his face, his eyes, and notice pure, unburdened, and unbridled joy in them, something I haven’t seen in my dark strange son since… well, ever.

“Well, look who finally decided to re-enter society!” Roman exclaims before turning to me. “Glad to see you’re awake, Patton. Virgil hasn’t left your room at all since… the incident.”

“Which was approximately three days, eleven hours, and twelve minutes ago,” Logan adds in from the breakfast area.

“Aw, kiddo!” I say, heartwarmed but also concerned. “Did you eat anything?” 

“Yeah, Logan came in every day to make sure I had at least one meal.”

“You probably need to eat, too,” Logan adds in. “If you would like, I can prepare a bowl of soup for you.”

I open my mouth to refuse, to say I’m fine, but stop. There’s something in the way everyone’s looking at me, eyes full of worry and concern, that makes me say, “Yeah, some soup would be nice.” Logan smiles and heads into the kitchen.

I eat surrounded by everyone and think maybe, just maybe, I made it out of the woods.

Chapter Text

W hen I head outside, Logan is sitting on the edge of the porch, much to my surprise. “Hey, Lo,” I say. Logan doesn’t seem surprised to hear me.

“Salutations, Patton,” he says. I walk over and sit next to him. The full moon creates highlights on his face.

“So..” I start, legs swinging. “What’d ya wanna talk about?”

“Well, I actually have something on my mind, something that has been for a while.” I raise an eyebrow. “You see, Patton, I have grown quite fond of you over the past few years.” I catch myself blushing. “I cannot help it. You are kind, funny, caring, sweet, childish, innocent, and so much more.”

“Well, I could say the same thing.” Logan glances at me. “You’re smart, you know how to handle anything, and you’re really cute when you’re mad.” For once, Logan doesn’t correct me. “I honestly don’t remember when I didn’t feel this way for you…” I take a deep breath. “I don’t remember when I didn’t love you.” 

Logan sighs. “Is that what this feeling is?” he asks. “These butterflies in my stomach, the heat in my cheeks when you draw near? The desire to be right by your side, the wish to hold you dear?” I chuckle.

“You sound like a poet,” I remark. “It’s cute!” I slide my hand onto Logan’s. “And, yes, that’s what love is.”

“Well, then, Patton,” Logan says, “I love you, too.”

I’m suddenly aware of just how close we are. The moment feels right, but I don’t want to push Logan past his boundaries, so I ask first.

“Hey, Lo?” I ask, my voice a whisper. “Can I.. can I kiss you?” Logan doesn’t say anything, but I can see him nod, so I lean in.

We’re both cautious at first, but my heart is on fire and I taste remnants of Crofter’s and this feels so right and—

Logan pulls away first. “Patton, that was… extraordinary,” he breathes. I love his voice with the faintest trace of a British accent, the way he talks, the way he kisses, and I want more .

I kiss him again, passionate and desperate. I’ve never felt anything like this, this passion, this desire, this overwhelming need and I open myself up to it with no restraints because this is perfect. I can imagine myself spending forever with him, being his one and only, never letting this go, never letting him go. It’s a wonderful visual that fills my heart with unbridled joy and love and adoration and need, an unabashed need that I may never be able to fill no matter how long we’re together and—

When Logan pulls away again, I whine softly. “Patton, I understand that you are enjoying yourself, but there is something I feel the need to bring your attention to.” I raise an eyebrow. “Your wings, Patton.”

I gasp and whirl my head around. Sure enough, my wings are there, and they haven’t changed one bit. I bite back a squeal, giddy with excitement.

“Shall we go tell the others?” Logan asks, standing up and extending a hand to me.

“Maybe later,” I reply, but take his hand and stand up. “For now, I just wanna enjoy being with you.” Logan nods, still holding my hand. I hum softly, my head resting on Logan’s shoulder, our hands intertwined, and a wing wrapped around him. I can definitely get used to this.

Chapter Text

Dear Diary,

I did it. I actually did it! The key to my wings was love. So no surprise that they came out when I kissed Logan. Oh, yeah. I had my first kiss!! With Logan!!! And now we’re dating! ... I think. I’ll check with him in the morning, but I’m pretty sure we are. Anyways, this may seem like a fairy tale ending, and this feels like the point where I would say that we all lived happily ever after, but I have a feeling that

my story has only just begun.