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Chapter Text

Regulus’ knuckles turned whiter and whiter as his grip on the bar of the skating ring grew. His lips formed a thin line. His eyes though were quite the opposite. They appeared to be on fire.

“I won’t have you starting a discussion about this detail,” the man in Regulus’ company said angrily. The few hairs that were still on top of his head were greying rapidly, and the sour expression plastered on his face wasn’t exactly welcoming. Not then, at least.

“I don’t need a fucking assistant,” Regulus argued, his voice remained calm.

“Jesus, Black,” the man swore, shaking his head slowly, furiously. “Your biggest competition yet is coming up and you know it. It’s not hard to accept some help.”

“I don’t need a spaniel following me around,” Regulus seethed. Rage was taking over and he knew it. The Black blood in his veins was waiting, waiting…

His coach sighed. Though his sour expression remained, he did lower his voice, even though they were the only two present. “It’s not a dog. It’s someone who’ll aid you. It’s nothing bad, kid.” He was quite mistaken, of course. Regulus his parents had arranged all of this. They wanted to watch and guide him. With an assistant, they’d have eyes on their son at all times. They’d put the idea in his coach’s head, and now Regulus could do nothing but try to convince the old man he didn’t need one.

“No.”

His attempts weren’t of much success.

“Yes, and that’s the end of it.” His parents always took care of their actions. Everything would work out the way they wanted. Everything always did. All was in their control, even Regulus.

“Fine,” he seethed. “But only if I can choose who it’ll be.”

“Reg-”

“That’s my condition – the only one, so you better-”

The man sighed, shaking his head once again. The few hairs on his head moved with, bouncing at the same time. It was only one condition. It seemed rather fair to agree to at least this. Regulus would be stuck with a stranger soon enough. They could at least do this, he thought, his last bit of hope coursing through him.

“Give me a name when you have one, and I’ll arrange it,” the man said after a short pause. A thin smile fell onto Regulus’ lips. If he could choose the person, his parents would have less hope of convincing the kid to work for them. “Now,” the coach began again, but the boy cut him off, already knowing very well what was expected of him. It was always the same.

“Yeah. I’m getting my ass on the ice.” The man nodded, and the sound of Regulus his blades biting the ice echoed through the empty rink.

❄

The rink was probably the coldest it had ever been. Still, sweat was dripping down from Regulus Black his now pale forehead. His calves were aching, begging for a rest. He’d been at it for quite some time. It was necessary. All of this was. Victory would be worth the effort in the end.

His feet finally steered him toward the exit. He huffed once, twice. The grinding sound of his blades against the ice stopped once he came to a sudden halt, almost colliding with another figure.

His skates were met with the smoothest ice he’d ever skated upon-

“Watch out!”

“Omph!”

Regulus’ arms flied into the air, taking the other with him. He then found himself on top of this person, and his eyes flared when the realization dawned upon him. He lifted up his hips instantly, already attempting to find a rougher surface with his skates, but they kept on slipping, unwilling to work with.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he growled almost when he succeeded in getting upright again. “Resurfacing the ice while people are still on it?!” Only then could he get a proper sight of the young man he took down in the fall. He was narrowing his hazel eyes at the pair of glasses inside his hands, most probably checking for damage. Then, he arranged them perfectly on top of his nose, his dark hair matching with them.

“You were the only one on it,” he pointed out earnestly.

“So?”

“You were exiting.”

Out of pure frustration, one of Regulus his hands went through his own hair that’d grown slightly too long to his own liking. The action revealed his high cheekbones, who on their own caught the man’s attention instantly. “I haven’t fucking gotten there yet.” His eyes snapped up to the man’s, catching him in the act.

“What’s gotten you all pissed off,” he reacted, his brows furrowed. Their argument echoed through the empty place. It did the loud voices justice. “You fell and took me with you. For all I know, I should be-” One glare of Regulus Black was enough to make him quieten down. His eyes flickered back to the ice, but before they did they ended up lingering shortly on the blackness of Regulus’ outfit – and how his body was reacting to the recently finished exercises.

“You were in my way.”

“Oh? I was in your way, huh?” The young man let out an actual laugh. “Couldn’t you just turn? You are wearing those shining-ass skates, after all. You should at least be able to simply turn.”

Regulus stared at him, disbelief almost fully clouding his vision. “I’m a professional ice skater.”

“Yeah, and I’m the president of the United States,” the man mumbles, emphasising his British accent.

“I’m a gold medallist.” He’s received with a snort filling his ears. He would’ve taken a step back, if he hadn’t been this shocked. “I’d show you,” he spoke, “but you’ve already wasted three minutes of my time.”

“So sorry,” the man said, though flatly. During Regulus’ eyeroll, a nametag caught his instant attention.

James Potter.

Content with this information, he brushed past the man, his skates bringing him smoothly to the exit. With one hand resting on the side of the hallway for extra balance, he briefly glanced back before making his way back to his bag on the bench. James Potter was busy resurfacing the ice again. He reached into it, and his fingers dug into it in search for his phone. A number is quickly dialled, and the words flied off his lips easily.

“I have a name: James Potter.” He sneered. “Get him to work for us and I might let him follow me around.”

Chapter Text

Regulus’ long, black coat barely missed the snow underneath his feet. Even though it was bellow zero, his hands did not hesitate as he lit his cigarette with upmost care. Once finished with it, he revealed a pair of dark leather gloves and put them on.

The familiar sound of snow cracking underneath one’s feet made him sneer, especially when they came to an abrupt stop. “You’re here,” he said, fighting the urge to let out a laugh he’d been holding in ever since the call to his trainer.

It took a while before the other replied. “We had one argument, and you do this.”

“When was it again…” Regulus voice faltered as he pretended to think. “Ah,” he said before clicking his tongue. “I cannot seem to remember. You must’ve really been not worth my time.” He turned around to face James Potter, who, unlike Regulus, wasn’t as elegantly dressed. He wore not even a coat. Only a wide sweater hung loose on his arms. That was all. The dark jeans did not help, either. Regulus eyed the pieces of clothing, disappointed in his help’s choice of clothing, though unsurprised.

James shook his head, a growing feeling of anger making his head ache. Regulus Black had tricked him into this. There was no dismissing an offer of the Black family. “Fucking asshole,” he swore without thinking of it. “Now I’m stuck with you, getting you coffees and stuff.” This particular choice of words seemed to amuse Regulus profoundly. The corners of his lips quirked upwards, unkindly still.

“Don’t tell me you liked smoothing the ice. That would really be miserable.” His hand flattened the side of his coat, the leather sliding over it all too easily. “And I don’t drink coffee.”

James his eyes narrowed at him, and he would’ve balled his fists if he could have hid them inside pockets.

Regulus continued, “Tea is what I prefer. Just so you know. Tomorrow morning you can begin bringing it to my camper. It’s already shown to you, I’m assuming?” James nodded unwillingly. His furious breathing quickened with each word that escaped Regulus’ lips.

“Great. Welcome, James Potter.” His smile widened. “Follow me.”

❄

Regulus had a plan. He was going to do everything possible to make James Potter his time as miserable as possible. Whenever he wasn’t training, he’d read novels in silence, no music or anything. James would sit there, in the camper, in silence. His brows would be furrowed, his eyes falling closed, and Regulus would point this out with a sly smile plastered on his lips. He’d love it.

But even during this first step, something went wrong. James’ face wasn’t falling the way Regulus thought it would. James sat there, looking rather content with the peaceful silence filling the camper. His eyes scanned every inch of it. He took it all in with a painful pleasure. Regulus did not smile slyly. He’d curse inside of his head, hating the way the dullness wasn’t dull at all for James Potter.

When he noticed James’ eyes sliding over some of his novels that were stacked up behind him, he sat a little more upright in the couch. “What are you looking at?” he asked, his own brows now furrowed, which was… as angering realisation.

“Just your books,” James answered calmly. His eyes snapped to Regulus with incredible gracefulness. Regulus hated it.

“You do nothing but look around,” Regulus said, irritated. “Surely you’re sick of it now.”

James smiled. “Not really.” He simply shrugged. “I’ve been thinking that it’s so nice here, I suppose.”

Regulus pulled a face. No. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. “Nice,” he echoed, more confused than anything. “How so?”

James allowed himself to look around once again. His eyes slid over the window next to them. The thin, white curtains let the light through, lighting up the whole space. It brightened up the wooden, walls, the wooden ground underneath them. It even got that far that it shone a light on a picture frame at the end of the short hallway. James looked at that, too. It was Regulus when he was only a child, at the beginning of it all. How fragile he was then, how little the darkness in his face has changed. How badly he’d began hating the competitions ever since. Regulus looks away from it and at James instead.

“The curtains’ oldness make the light sort of yellow, and it gives comfortable vibes. I feel almost as if I’m in the English countryside. If only there’d be birds chirping. I try to imagine it as I sit here sometimes.” The whiteness of James’ teeth as his smiled didn’t quite anger Regulus now. It surprised him more.

It made Regulus almost wish there were bird sounds indeed. He shook the thought of his head, and his expression darkened again. Something had to happen to James his cheerfulness.

He tried sending James for tea, but refusing them when James would put them before him. They were never to his liking, he’d tell James, and he’d have to go back each time to get Regulus another drink.

Finally, at one point, Regulus thought James Potter would resign. It was when James heard the unsurprising news that the tea wasn’t as good as Regulus wanted it to be for what must’ve been the twentieth time. James his eyes narrowed at Regulus, and he breathed in exactly two times before moving his delicate body again. Regulus waited for him to leave the van and the terrain altogether. He wanted to get rid of the young man so badly. He’d never found one so infuriating. No one had ever resisted the urge to throw the hot tea to his head. No one had ever stayed this long. Today was the day, Regulus was sure of it. James would leave his position as Regulus’ helper. He’d finally pulled the trigger.

But instead of doing anything out of Regulus’ several ideas, James Potter didn’t do no such thing. He allowed his body to fall down onto the couch, the table in between the two of them. He closed his eyes and smiled softly. Warmly. Like the sun shining through the damned curtains.

James Potter began talking to Regulus – about the smallest things. He talked about the temperature, the amount of tea bags left. He talked about the dogs he’d seen walking with their owners. He talked about every detail of the van.

And Regulus didn’t stop the young man. He was tired himself. Maybe he’d tired himself out more than he did James. Maybe he was in shock.

With all the topics of their recent talks flooding his head, he listened to James, though never truly reacted. He’d pretend to be reading, but for some reason, James took the silence as Regulus’ answer. And he smiled. James Potter never stopped smiling.

“You can’t be enjoying that, can you?” James asked at one point. Unaware of the subject of James’ talk now, Regulus his eyes snapped up to James’ face. He sat there, gloating. By now, the helper probably realized he’d taken a perfect revenge.

“My book?” Regulus his voice sounded hoarse, an effect of his long silences. He glanced down at the novel resting in his hands. He’d actually really been enjoying it.

“Yeah. It’s fiction.” James gave him an odd look.

Regulus flattened himself. “I happen to dislike the act of constantly reading non-fiction,” he said in all honesty.

James only shook his head, showing his clear disapproval. “I’ve read about it. It gives critic on the politics and the way modern humans are living. It’s practically-”

“What would you have me read, then, James Potter?” Regulus’ lips quirked up. He felt quite daring at the moment.

“Easy,” James replied quickly. With crossed arms over his chest, he sat a little closer to Regulus. “Something about the supply and demand for gold, for starters. It wouldn’t hurt you to do some research on the current importance of the media in the economy, either.”

Regulus couldn’t believe what James was saying, mainly because he’d just fazed out of fiction novel. He blinked twice. “Too economical. It’s a no.”

History nodded, accepting. “History perhaps?”

“History can interest me sometimes, I must say… But you’re suggesting it, so nope.”

James’ lips parted, but closed speedily. He let out a low chuckle. “You’re a pain in the ass.”

“And you’re working for me,” Regulus bit. “Get me some more tea before you finish today, James.”

James does as he’d been told, and surprisingly, with him now gone, Regulus found himself in complete silence. He wasn’t used to it anymore, which was one of the reasons he found himself looking around the camper, too. He frowned expressively, the plan he had in mind already forgotten.

When James came back, the cup in his hands filled the space with a certain aroma. Regulus body relaxed, enjoying smelling the tea as it got placed before him.

It’s almost as if James had been paying attention to his preference of tea.

“Thank you,” Regulus mused happily. “I’ll think about the importance of tea in the economy as I drink it.”

The corners of James’ lips curled up slightly, but when he realizes it, he shakes his head slowly in order to hide it. “You know,” he began, “in case you enjoy doing so, I can bring you an interesting book to read tomorrow.”

The words flied off Regulus his lips before he can swallow them down. “Sounds just great.” Fortunately, it was nothing more than a mere mumble. He glances over his book, at James, who’s throwing his bag over his shoulder. “Bring one for yourself, too. Then you won’t be completely wasting your time here.”

James doesn’t look at Regulus again, but his smile is radiant as he steps out of the camper.

Chapter Text

The camper was not quite the same without Regulus Black. James eyes fell on his watch. The hand of it continued moving, though James remained frozen in the entrance. Eventually, he awkwardly went to sit down on the couch. Looking around in silence had nothing of pleasure when alone and unable to anger Regulus. It appeared to be quite boring.

Time passed, and James began to fumble with his fingers, nervous. Regulus barely replied to James even when they were together, but this emptiness was unnerving. He watched the books he brought with him. They were stacked on the table, waiting for a sarcastic remark of his boss. He probably would not even read a word out of them.

James shot upright, unable to handle the unbearable silence.

Regulus hadn’t told him of any activities. He’d told him nothing. He could’ve easily slept one or two hours more this morning.

The absence of another was almost gnawing at his insides. His fingers curled around one of his non-fiction books, and he found his way outside with it. A coldness fell on him, attacked him almost. He held his book a little tighter.

He found his phone inside of his pocket and did not hesitate to dial a number.

Regulus’ coach accepted the call. “James Potter, I don’t have time.” His voice was stern, as if this was final.

“Where on earth is Regulus?” The words came out with more anger than he intended. Perhaps the cold had already taken its toll. “I can’t find him,” he added in a somewhat softer tone.

An unwelcome snort filled James his ears. “He’s with me.”

“And where is that?” The loneliness had been enough. James would go to them.

“The ice rink, of course. He’s training.” James almost allowed himself to let out a bark of laughter. Of course. The ice rink.

“It wasn’t on his calendar,” James remarked after a short pause. He shook his head, his foot tapping up and down due to the frustrating coursing through his body.

“Boy,” the man, Kreacher, started, his voice more irritated than anything. “He’s a professional skater. He’s almost always here. Besides, Black thought you’d be better off in the camper. It’s even colder here than it is outside.”

“It’s my job to stay with him,” James blurted out.

For a moment, there was only silence on the other side. James was about to lay off the call when Kreacher said, “Well, come, if you want, I guess. But he’ll not be needing anything anytime soon. We’ve just started.”

❄

Regulus was dressed entirely black. He hadn’t laid an eye on James yet, but James had seen him instantly. Regulus was moving at an immense speed, stretching his arms at the same time. The rink was entirely empty for Regulus, Kreacher and James himself. There was no sound except for skates biting against the ice.

James silently allowed himself a spot on the bench, still unnoticed by the others, and looked at Regulus’ graceful movements. The young man twirled around, one skate off the ground and his arms parallel with his upper body. Pushing once, he skated forward before he turned another time, though this time only a hundred-and-eighty degrees. Then, his chest heaving, he skated backwards, making exactly two turns while doing this.

“Yes,” Kreacher commented as he clapped his hands together. “You’re doing great.”

Regulus turned to face his coach, his elevated expression already falling. You’re doing great. The words were almost an insult to him. Regulus had done this and much more. He had a golden medal! He shook his head, but didn’t utter a word.

“Now, as you’re skating backwards, I want to see you turn, kid,” his coach instructed. “Only half a turn, though, so when you’re on your feet again, you’ll skate forward.” Regulus nodded obediently. This, too, was nothing for him.

He took off again, and as he did so, his eyes fell upon a pair of curious eyes watching him. In a mass of emptiness, James Potter was sitting there, watching him. Regulus narrowed his eyes instantly, unaware of the time James came in. How long had he been looking at him already, at his training? Regulus looked away, attempting to shake the paranoia out of his head.

He did what was asked of him by his coach. Kreacher put his thumbs up, but Regulus’ attention didn’t stay on him. It returned right to James, who was now grinning at him, as if this was nothing more than a show. Even at this distance, Regulus could see James’ eyes glistering brilliantly behind his glasses. The corners of his lips curled up.

Kreacher cleared his throat. “Let’s speed things up.”

❄

“That was awesome!” James exclaimed, his hands swinging through the air. He’d sat down almost all day again, reading and viewing Regulus’ training. Regulus thought that to be the reason for this new boost of energy. He nodded reluctantly. This sort of immense excitement had long left him when it came to ice skating. It could’ve been years since he had felt it. He loved the sport, yes, but throughout the years it became more pressure than a game on ice. It had changed, and maybe he did, too.

His body fell down onto the couch. They had returned to the camper once again. Regulus felt the lack of his own energy lessen with the second. His chest felt tight. But James had enough liveliness for the two of them. He, on the other hand, couldn’t help but rambling on about the themes of his non-fiction books, pointing out the smallest details about them already. Regulus listened, but he couldn’t dual James’ enthusiasm, though he wanted. James didn’t mind. At least Regulus let him.

After a while, James decided to read instead of talk. Regulus had grabbed himself a paper and some charcoal that were put away somewhere inside a drawer. He sketched some figures, the charcoal staining his fingers entirely black. Sometimes, he glanced at James, seeing him with his lips pursed or muttering a comment or two to himself. It amused Regulus profoundly how, in only a few weeks, he managed to be content in James’ presence. He couldn’t even say he hated James’ rambling anymore.

“So,” James spoke.

With a thud, James his book landed on top of the table, open still. “You’re retiring after the competition,” he stated, though the unsurety in his voice proved it to be a question, too.

Regulus watched him closely before nodding. “That’s the plan, yes.”

“Why?” James asked genuinely. “You’re still young. You could do a great deal more.”

Hearing these exact words, Regulus winced. “Unfortunately,” he began, a pained expression falling onto his face, “my limbs are failing that expectation of yours. Injuries are becoming more and more frequent.”

James smiled a sad, understanding smile. “Are they so easy to get?”

“Depends, really. The fall. The movements. The moment, even.” Regulus paused. “Remember when I took you down with me when we met for the first time?”

“I certainly do. You necked me with this job.” There was no true anger nor frustration behind his words, though. Quite the opposite, even: his eyes were sparkling.

“Exactly,” Regulus said, smirking slightly. “Don’t even try to get on my bad side, Potter. But to get back to my point, that fall could’ve easily ruined the plan to even join this competition.” His eyes flickered to the sketch in front of him. His fingers curled around the charcoal again.

But James couldn’t keep still. Curiosity took over, and his head filled itself with questions. His head tilted closer to Regulus, causing him to glance upwards and raise his eyebrows, waiting for the questions to come.

“Why do you skate, Regulus?” James asked. His eyes were glued on Regulus’. His had a certain seriousness inside of them.

For only a second, Regulus’ eyes widened, but his face flattened soon after. “I skate because I’m good,” he replied quickly. Perhaps too quickly. He stared at the skeleton before him – the darkness of it – and blinked at it. Thoughts crashed down upon him.

Regulus Black was indeed good at what he did. He danced on the ice, like a prince creating pure magic. His talent was trained. It was his parents’ creation. He was their creation. Each medal, each victory added fame to their family name.

His forehead crinkled visibly. He let out a deep breath before speaking again. “I skate because ice is my doom and my solitude,” he whispered. James heard his words clearly and nodded before returning to his book.

Regulus his eyes were still on the sketch.

He always felt powerful on the ice. His skating was his parents their will and his partial freedom, if you could call it that. When he would move himself over the smoothness of the pure substance, he sometimes could spot his reflection in it. But somehow, it wasn’t truly his. On ice, Regulus would become another person entirely.

His jaw a little tighter, he left the sketch for what it was. His lips weren’t as flat. Instead, a soft smile placed itself on them. Regulus’ eyes were vibrant, an ocean of emotions that only the thought of ice skating could awaken in him. The ice was a mirror to euphoria, though doom still. But when skating, his arms embraced both. The ice was where Regulus Black is the happiest, competitions aside.

Regulus began sharing this happiness with James more often now. He frequently took him to the training, and James would read his boring books and remain utterly silent. The boy was practically a ghost, transparent in the room.

Regulus saw him ever so clearly, though. He would glance at James, trying to see if he had noticed how Regulus had aced the double axel. He’d see James’ eyes flicker to his book, but the grin was always present. He’d always seen.

It was almost as if their roles switched when entering and exiting the rink. Outside, James would be the sun, shining his light on everyone and everything. He’d radiate euphoria and kindness. Inside, it was Regulus who stood out completely. Even in his darkest outfits, he’d be the one people stared at. They’d take him in, gasp sometimes. It wasn’t his talent alone. It would also be the concentration and dedication written all over his face. It was the effect of skating. James thought him to be ethereal sometimes.

Regulus chest heaved as he let the ice carry him. His head fell a little backwards as he tried to focus on Kreacher’s words.

“You want to land a quadruple axel, kid?” he asked, his tone sharper than usual. “Then fucking get the extra revolution right, Black.” The impact of the words caused James to flinch from on the bench. His eyes were right on Regulus, practically begging him to glance at him, wanting to reassure the skater. But Regulus did not look at James. His eyes were right on the ice.

“I will.”

“When?” Kreacher snapped. “Because you’re time’s almost up, Black. You can’t keep letting your old injuries get to your head. They’re in the past.”

“They’re not,” Regulus argued, turning sharply. His eyes were right on his coach, daring him to continue.

“You’re back on the ice,” Kreacher said. “Act like it.” For a moment, James expected Regulus to snap back – or to argue, at least. Regulus didn’t do any of those things. He simply nodded, though slowly and unwillingly. As Kreacher made his way toward the exit, he scowled at Regulus. “Practice until you’re worthy of skating on this level, Black.” And then he left.

James watched Regulus for a moment more. His arms were slacking at his sides as he allowed his skates to drag him until he came to a terribly slow halt. A familiar feeling of worthlessness fell onto him, and he could collapse then and there. He was exhausted, both mentally and physically. A violent cough came deeply from out of his lungs.

James did not look away.

Breathing hard, Regulus shook his head, as if trying to shake the darkness out of his head. This would be his last competition, he reminded himself. The last one. He could do this once more. He’d done the triple axel before. He scored gold because of it. A quadruple axel would get him out of the industry. It could give him his life back.

Regulus balled his fists, and allowed himself a moment to simply breathe in and out. Then, he took off, like he’d never stood still in the first place. He pushed his feet apart, trying to gain the essential speed. James watched him with pursed lips, gradually realizing Regulus would do everything necessary to ace this axel.

He had to.

It was the only way out.

In pure concentration, Regulus gritted his teeth. He did not even notice James Potter taking a step closer to the ice. With a balanced posture, he pushed down. His right leg shot in the air out of pure muscle memory, and then he turned.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

James’ lips parted as he watched.

But Regulus was too close to the ice to land another spin. There was no time-

There’s no other way out

Even with every muscle and instinct of his begging Regulus to land as he knew he must, he closed his eyes and turned his body once more.

Only way out

But this last spin was one too many.

The blades came in an abrupt contact with the ice. His last turn got broken down, his balanced stance now ruined. Regulus’ eyes flied open just in time to see the closeness of the side of the bar. His figure flashed forward, the ice sending him right there… He tried to put his hands between them, but they’re of no help in lessening the impact.

With a loud thud, his body hit the wall. Regulus didn’t cry out. He never does anymore. A wave of pain shot through his limbs, and he felt his body stiffen instantly.

It was another who cried out. The sound of it echoed through the ice rink, together with the colliding of a book with the ground. James sped forward, not on the ice, but the path around it.

“Regulus,” he let out. He ran until only a wall was splitting the two of them up. “Are you okay?”

Regulus blinked at the rink before him. He didn’t acknowledge James watching him from over the wall. He let his body fall back down onto the coldness of the ice. “I’m fine,” he croaked, his voice betraying more than it should.

There was a wall between them. James couldn’t have seen much. Regulus felt his head fall backwards, most probably out of fatigue.

“I saw you fall, Regulus.” He sounded panicked. Regulus’ cheeks burned, more out of shame than anything else.

“Skaters fall al the time. It’s nothing.” His tone had grown harder.

“It wasn’t nothing,” James argued almost immediately. Regulus imagined the young man to be frowning angrily on the other side. “Look, I’ll get you ice.” James Potter was a sweet torment. He’d help Regulus if he simply asked. James would help him without questioning it.

“No, you won’t.” Regulus reached for the bar and held it as he pulled himself back on his feet. Once done, he looked straight at James, whose eyes were peeking above the grey wall. Regulus did not show emotion as he spoke. “I’d like for you to go back to the camper. I’ll be here longer than expected.”

James’ eyes narrowed in response. “That’s not good for you,” he said. “You just fell. Surely you’re hurt!”

Regulus wanted to laugh at him. Instead, he raised his chin and cruelness flooded his eyes. “Go to the camper, for God’s sake, Potter!” he ordered. His voice portrayed the mixture of aggressiveness and adrenaline coursing inside his veins well. “Read one of your stupid books, I don’t care. I need to practice without you meddling with it.”

James glared at him, but he got the message. He took a step back, his eyes still locked with Regulus’. “Fine,” he bit back. “I’ll go. I’ll stay there, too. These trainings fucking suck.” His chin tremored, and Regulus was sure it would haunt him forever. James turned around and went back to retrieve his book from off the ground. Right before he was completely out of sight, Regulus heard the young man yell, “Damage your body however you like.”

Regulus his posture sagged.

Damage your body however you like

He let the words sink in before swallowing everything down.

James did not lie. He stayed in the camper. He never did come to Regulus his trainings again.

Chapter Text

Flowers were blossoming, and the sun peeked through the clouds more often than before. James loved hearing the birds sing their songs as he retrieved Regulus’ usual cup of tea. The sun had already risen and James was sure Regulus would soon do the exact same.

With the cup firmly in his hand, he opened the door of Regulus’ camper with the other. It swung open perhaps slightly too wildly, and he put the cup onto the table.

A groan shook him widely awake. Fighting the urge to jump into the air, James quickly turned around, spotting a figure on the couch.

Regulus laid there, squeezing his eyes closed. He rubbed his face, wincing when his fingers were met with a deep cut on his chin. He let out a deep sigh when realizing morning had already come.

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” James crouched down beside him, eying the wound closely. The blood had only dried a little, indicating Regulus had been wounded not too long ago. Yet, he hadn’t called for any help.

“Good morning to you, too, James,” Regulus said, his tone sarcastic. He still hadn’t opened his eyes.

“A good morning?” James bit. “What the hell happened to you?”

Regulus chuckled, but when the action moved his chin enough to hurt, he quit moving altogether. “Got a small cut. It’s nothing…”

James scoffed as he took in the amount of blood spread out on Regulus’ face and neck. “You cut your chin open! That has to be stitched.”

Now, Regulus his eyes flashed right open. The abruptness of it made James move backwards. “It does not,” Regulus told him, calm. He could feel the dried blood sticking to his skin, though. It hurt to even speak.

“Can you stand up?” James asked, ready to aid him. When Regulus nodded but only blinked afterward, James knew quite enough. He’d lost a lot of blood, making James wonder how long, exactly, Regulus had been laying here already, bleeding, alone.

James arranged the stitching up. He called someone to help, and they came. Regulus did not know who it was, and he stayed silent the entire time. His eyes were on nothing and everything. He was watching James and he was not. He was getting stitched up and he felt like he was bleeding still.

He found it odd how this person, who James knew personally, came right when called, without another thought. It was something alien to Regulus Black, how one could have friends like that.

“Thanks, Peter,” James showed the man out as Regulus remained frozen in his own camper. His body was trembling. “I appreciate it.”

“No problem, mate,” the other, Peter, replied. “See you soon, yeah?”

“Of course.”

And then James headed back inside, his phone in his hand, saw Regulus curling his small self up into nothing more than a sad ball. A glass of water was standing on the table before Regulus. An aspirin was placed next to it. Regulus stared at it as if it was the only thing holding him together - the knowledge that something could take his pain away. He’d been stitched up, but that didn’t mean all wounds had been closed. Some were still tearing Regulus apart. He was suffering still.

James felt like he was pressing the knife deeper into Regulus as he placed his phone onto the table. “Your coach called me, said he wants you at the rink.”

Regulus nodded. “Okay,” he rasped as he blinked slowly. He pulled himself up on his feet, but stopped when James reached for his arm. Their eyes locked for a moment, and James said, “I don’t think you should go.”

Regulus straightened himself and turned his face, so he was looking right through the window with the yellowish curtains James liked so much. “There’s no other way out, James,” he told him carefully. “This is it.”

James’ eyes shone a thousand words, but he only said four. “That can be true.” Regulus felt like he was falling through the air, waiting to collide with the ground. His rock bottom. He felt it coming. It was so damn close.

“But you can’t go back with that spirit.” James pointed to Regulus’ head, smiling softly and sadly at the same time. “You’re a skater,” James continued, “You told me ice skating was your solitude.”

“And doom,” Regulus reminded him.

James shook his head determinedly. “Don’t let anyone or anything destroy ice skating for you.”

Deep inside of himself, Regulus wanted to scream. He was about to tear one of his long curls out when he smiled, a sad hint in it. It was an instinct of him, really. Smile through the pain. Pretend you’re strong enough.

The moment his parents saw their way to fame, they put their claws into their sons. When his older brother, Sirius Black, got himself out of their dangerous game, they threw Regulus to the wolves. Their youngest. Without a second thought.

There was no other way to get out.

Winning was it. It always had been. One last victory.

“Ice skating has a bad place in your head now,” James stated, like he knew. But he couldn’t understand. No one could. “You should reverse it again.”

“It’s not that simple…” James his hand was still on Regulus’ arm. Regulus felt his skin so vividly under the touch. It hurt, though this kind of hurting was something entirely different than the stitches. It was a soothing ache. Regulus couldn’t quite describe it.

“It could be,” James told him. A smile crept onto his lips. It provided the darkness of it all with a touch of light.

Regulus narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re thinking of something and not sharing it.”

“Indeed.” Regulus waited calmly for James to speak up again, but he didn’t. His eyes sparkled as he loomed over Regulus on the couch. Regulus watched as he wet his lips.

“Share it with the class,” he pressed.

James stepped back, closing his eyes, chuckling. “Make me.” A mischievous smile of his directed at Regulus, he crossed his arms over his chest.

“You’re my assistant,” Regulus stated calmly. “I could truly make you.”

Hearing this, James rolled his eyes. He laughed quietly. “You’re so boring. God.” When he saw Regulus’ warning stare, he gave in. “Fine. You could, um, teach me how to skate?”

For a moment, Regulus’ eyes widened. Then, he tilted his head slightly, his curls falling before his dark eyes. “And that’s supposed to brighten up skating for me?”

James’ hand went through his own hair. “Possibly,” he said.

“Are you,” Regulus began, a smiling crossing his face as he shook his head slightly, “entirely sure you aren’t proposing this for your own gain?”

James pursed his lips. “Let’s say fifty-fifty,” he admitted. “I want to help you, but I’d like to be able to skate, too.” He’d seen Regulus train on the ice – he’d seen him fly. The words in his books weren’t as interesting when he was at the rink with Regulus. Regulus’ dance was way more captivating, James was sure.

Regulus thought about this, leant back into the couch as he did so. Finally, he nodded. “I’ll teach you.” James clapped his hands together and let out a pleased laugh.

Regulus eyed him. “Before my morning trainings.”

James’ expression fell. “You're kidding…”

“You asked for it, James,” Regulus said. He covered his own smile behind his hand as he, very subtle, rubbed his chin. “You wanted to skate, eh?”

“Yeah,” James grumbled. “Just not so early, Regulus! Can’t we arrange something else?” His eyes were wide, pleading almost.

“And during your hours? I should think not,” Regulus told him off.

James nodded. “Okay. Yes.” He cleared his throat. “Thanks.”

“You better not make me regret it,” Regulus warned the young man, pointing his index finger at him, the blackness of his nails catching James’ eyes. Compared to Regulus his face, the blackness of the nail polish stood out like shadows would during daytime. He’d lost a lot of blood. Still, James’ expression softened. The blackness of his nails fitted him so well.

“You won’t.”

He did not dare promise it yet.

❄

It was too early. James rubbed his tired eyes as Regulus was retrieving him a proper set of skates. When he came back to find James on the bench, he laid them before the young man. They weren’t much compared to Regulus’ shiny set, but they would carry James onto the ice. James fought a smile when he saw them.

He stuck one foot in, glancing at Regulus who was sitting on the bench opposite of him, and focused on Regulus’ skates. He was already crisscrossing his laces over each other. James felt himself staring at the immense speed of it. Regulus’ fingers practically flied over the boots, getting the job done in no time. His hands flied over the laces, knotting them ever so tightly in the end.

Once ready, Regulus looked up to find James watching him so intently. He smirked. “You got yours on, Potter?”

James struggled to get his gaze back on his own skates. “Uhm,” he hesitated. “Not really.”

“Didn’t they teach you before starting your job here?”

James bit on his tongue as he struggled in running a lace around a hook. “I’d just started, you see.”

Regulus smiled to himself. He was already moving toward James. He rested his bodyweight on his knees, ignoring the way James was hovering over him. Focused, Regulus began taking care of James his laces. The middle of the boot hadn’t been tightened enough, so he tugged roughly, only realizing his own strength when James pulled back slightly.

“Sorry,” Regulus said as he threw his curls backward, concentrating.

“No, no.” James smiled kindly. “It’s all right.” He wasn’t looking at his skates anymore nor Regulus’ hands on them. He studied Regulus’ curls, and then his eyes moved to Regulus’ face. He was biting his lip out of pure concentration. James felt his chest tingle at the sight of him. The lace ends were taken care of too quickly.

Regulus moved upwards again. “Let’s go.”

And then he was gone, leaving James with dry lips and a certain vulnerability with it. James followed behind Regulus, all of him focused on not tumbling on the ground already. He hadn’t even looked at the rink yet. Flexing his fingers, he made his way to the bar.

“Don’t skate too wildly,” Regulus spoke somewhere before him. James glanced upwards. Regulus his eyes were glistering. He was excited, though James detected a hint of nervousness, too. Especially in his voice. “I don’t need to see you fall.”

James nodded. He felt his own anxiety evaporate into nothing at all. Instead, it got replaced by another thought. He’d seen Regulus fall how often now? Regulus did not mind how badly he hurt himself. It was nothing compared to freedom, he’d tell James. That’s exactly why James never returned to the trainings anymore.

But this wasn’t a training.

This was to help Regulus. Mainly. Regulus had to discover his pleasure in skating again. He had to see the beautifulness in his own talent once more. He had to see his own ice skating as James saw it. Absolutely astonishing.

“You okay there, James?” Regulus asked, and James blinked. He’d been staring, he realized. His cheeks heated up, a certain redness appeared.

“Yeah. Just stressing,” he blurted out.

“Remember it was you who suggested this.” Regulus tilted his head. A grin lit up his face. It shone so brightly the darkness underneath his eyes was easily looked over. James nodded, though unsure of his own idea. It’d been quite some time since he set foot on ice, and even then, he had never been very stable upon it. He’d never been as relaxed on it like Regulus. His facial expressions must’ve been betraying him, because Regulus skated to the bar. It stood between the two, keeping them apart. James remained on the ground still, Regulus on the ice.

“I’m not planning on letting you fall,” Regulus said firmly. He held James, who swallowed visibly, his gaze. “I’m not, so get your arse on the ice.”

James did. He didn’t fall the moment he set foot on it, which he interpreted as a good start. Regulus, on the other hand, frowned deeply. “Don’t arch your back like that.” James straightened his curled back, but had to reach for the bar again, his balance failing him. Catching Regulus’ eye roll, he freed his grip and decided to push himself forward once, then another time.

“You look like you’re about to throw up, James.”

“What?” James’ head turned to Regulus rapidly, his eyes narrowed at the ice skater. This precise action made his body lunge forward. He felt his feet attempting to run forward. Without success. They slid backwards, and he-

Regulus’ arm curled around James’ middle, causing James to cough out of shock from the sudden rescue. The two their eyes locked, and Regulus’ pinched expression said enough. James was making it hard for Regulus to keep him from falling.

“How on earth did you get your job at the rink?” Regulus questioned, his middle still glued to James’. Neither of the two moved away from the other.

James’ eyes flickered to the ceiling and then back at Regulus his stare. They’d never been this close, and it made his stomach tense. “They, um,” he mumbled, “they didn’t ask about my skating skills.”

“What skating skills?” Regulus asked, serious. Instantly, James’ ears turned red, and he shoved Regulus away. Then he straightened himself, breathed in and out.

“It’s just the skates, I’m sure.” James pursed his lips.

“Oh, it’s the skates.” Regulus chuckled lowly, earning a glare from James. He gestured toward the entire rink before them. It was empty, like most of the time when Regulus was on the ice. People would only be able to enter again when he was off the ice. Especially with the competition coming up, no one was allowed to inspect Regulus’ routine. “You should be able to do some basic gliding.” James nodded, though he hesitated before marching. He lifted up his foot while the other held his weight and slid. “Good,” Regulus commented as James repeated the movement. “You’re already stroking. Now try a turn. Go right.”

James set his leading skate down, pushed off-

“Right, James.” Regulus groaned. “Not left.”

“I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“That much is clear,” Regulus said coolly, making James grimace. He skated next to his assistant with more ease than James could ever dream of. He slowed his pace and commanded, “Look at me and repeat.”

Slowly, Regulus turned his body toward his right and pushed his leading skate off toward the same direction. Easily, he glided to the right, making a short turn so he faced James once again. “This you can do, right?”

“Let’s see,” James said before he began. Regulus his face softened as he watched him. James did excellent – he turned to the right his time, and he succeeded in not colliding with the ground. He  continued gliding, still unable to bring his skates to a halt. His arms stuck out, each to their side, for stability. Again, Regulus came to skate next to James. His hand moved through the air, his fingers briefly grazing James’.

The touch slid away before James could really, fully comprehend it. He glanced at Regulus, who was looking forward, and adjusted his posture again.

A challenging smile came upon Regulus’ lips, and he quickly turned his body. Now, before James and very much skating backwards as James glided forward, Regulus said, “A tad faster, James. You’re almost at the speed of a crawling child.”

James beamed. Regulus felt his lips part as he gazed at the brightness of James Potter. His chest flustered knowingly. One of his curls fell before his eyes. He shook his head, all of his curls now dancing and bouncing. James watched the movement of his hair, and, to Regulus at least, it all felt so… intimate. Realizing this, Regulus turned himself around again. He swallowed slowly. He was beside James, who had mastered striking now. But Regulus wasn’t thinking of skating anymore – his head was full of James.

Intimate.

He felt his chest tense. It wasn’t like before. It was as if his lungs deceived him. No air was filling them up. He felt himself struggling to keep skating in a straight line.

James must’ve noticed the absence of Regulus comments, because his index finger ran across Regulus’ wrist, trying to steer Regulus his attention back to James himself.

It didn’t help – on the contrary, even. The simple touch made the thoughts zoom even fast through his head.

“You could’ve called me, y’know,” James spoke.

Regulus flinched at the suddenness of it “What?”

“When you cut your chin,” James explained kindly. “You could’ve called me, Regulus.”

“It was nothing.”

“It was not nothing,” he bit back. “Even Wormtail said it was wise to have called him.”

Hearing this absurd name, Regulus frowned. “Who?”

“Peter, the one who stitched you up – that doesn’t matter.”

“James, leave it,” Regulus commanded uneasily. His heart was pounding, almost tearing him apart, Regulus was sure of it.

“No, I won’t just leave it, Reg,” James declared, his voice growing stronger and stronger with each word slipping off his lips. “You’re hurting yourself and you’re going to continue. You’re not taking care of yourself as you should.”

Regulus froze. It was the smoothness of the ice who made sure he continued to move forward, with James.

Reg

James had never called him so.

His hand hopelessly rubbed over his chest, wanting it all to stop. He couldn’t control his breathing. He couldn’t control anything. Everything was coming at him all at once. “Please,” he begged. “Leave it.” The words were nothing but a mere whisper.

He liked skating with James – loved it, really. When competing and training, he felt forced. With James, he felt better and more relaxed.

Happy.

Intimate the word echoed in his head. All colour had drained from his face. He didn’t know what he was panicking about. He didn’t know why his body was reacting this way. But he couldn’t stop it.

James turned to him, worry drawn over his face, taking away his brilliant smile. Regulus could hardly look away as it faded away. He loved James’ smile.

“Is it your stitches? Are they hurting too much?” James craned his neck as his face came closer to Regulus’ to inspect the. The whole of Regulus tensed. His eyes fell onto the darkness of James’ eyes.

The thought of moving forward only a little came to his mind.

He felt like throwing up. He didn’t know what was happening – perhaps what had been happening for weeks, months.

James had told Regulus he wouldn’t regret teaching him to skate. But now, James his words felt like a pure lie.

Regulus faced James, a new flaming fire inside of his gaze. “It’d be better if you didn’t come into the rink anymore.”

“What?” The worry that flooded James’ expression disappeared. He furrowed his brows, rather surprised by this turn of events.

“You heard me, Potter.” Regulus spit the last word.

James had, in fact, heard Regulus his words, but that didn’t mean he wanted to. His own eyes portrayed a war of emotions now, too. James Potter was burning, though he wasn’t sure of what. Anger? Yes. Surprise? Absolutely.

Something he couldn’t quite name?

Perhaps.

Chapter Text

Things changed for the worse.

The competition was coming nearer and nearer. Regulus stayed in the rink for longer periods. James stayed in the camper, like he was told to, reading his non-fiction books. Although, sometimes, he allowed a fiction book of Regulus to fall open and let his eyes wander over the words printed on the paper. He’d never tell Regulus though.

Whenever Regulus and James were in each other’s presence – in the camper, specifically – the air grew sort of tense. Regulus would never ask for tea anymore, but James would go by himself and bring him cups anyway. Each morning, a cup awaited Regulus, like before.

Before the accident? No. The what? James did not know what, exactly, had happened. He only knew there’d been a switch in Regulus’ behaviour.

During the months the two had been put together, Regulus had opened up rather quickly. He’d shared his personal thoughts with James. He’d allowed him in the rink… for a part of it. He’d shared this piece of himself with James, and now, with all the pressure falling more and more onto his shoulders, James could see Regulus putting distance between them again. It bothered him – of course, it did – but what could he do? James had to undergo it, though unwillingly.

Regulus Black was beginning to become an entirely different person. His patience had shrunk immense amounts when he did ask James to do something for a reason James didn’t know, either. It almost looked like he wanted to prove something to himself.

James could now truly see the effect the competitions had on the young man he’d first hated and had grown fairly fond of now. He didn’t mind the sarcastic comments anymore, though there were fewer of them at the moment. He didn’t mind Regulus’ unsubtle glances at him. Actually, he’d began liking this especially. It meant Regulus hadn’t entirely shut him out.

He did mind the distance the stress was creating. It almost became unbearable sometimes, for both of them. A darkness was growing underneath Regulus’ eyes. James didn’t like it at all.

“Do you want another cup of-“ James began, but got cut off immediately.

“I’m quite fine.” Regulus his voice was calm. He was immersed in one of his books, his eyes not diverting the pages. For him, time to read was close to nonexciting now, with the competition being in only a few days. He savoured it when he could, allowing the world he’s in to fade away and escape to another.

Are you? James wanted to ask him. Are you really? But Regulus never locked eyes with him anymore. He never gave James the chance to ask him questions. But somewhere deep down, James knew he actually didn’t have to ask the question. He knew the answer – could see it, even.

Regulus was not okay. The pressure to win was growing with each training and each thought of the competition. It shrunk his soul bigger and bigger amounts every day. He’d be a mere puppet in his parents’ hands, playing to their will.

  ❄

The day before the competition, Regulus realized he was no longer the young kid with excitement rushing through his veins when his coach updated him about the upcoming days. Instead, he felt like a hundred years of worries pulled him down as he stood. He felt small and broken. He felt awful.

Kreacher gestured for him to sit down as he blocked the door without realizing it. Regulus listened and did so, finding an empty spot on the couch next to James. He made sure to avoid touching James, though. He’d done so for the last couple of weeks. In fact, he’d done everything to avoid James entirely. The man’s presence alone made Regulus’ chest heavy, like something was weighing him down. He hated being in the same room as James Potter, but he wanted nothing else, too. He couldn’t trust anything or anyone anymore, not even his own thoughts. It was a lonely battle, and Regulus didn’t know how long he’d still be fit enough to fight it.

“Keep calm today, kid,” his coach instructed him. He had this cool aura around him. He always had at competitions. Like he knew Regulus was about to victor. Still, he added, “We don’t want anyone seeing what you’re capable of just yet.”

Regulus raised his brows slightly. “They’ve already seen it. Most of my competitions were broadcasted.”

“True,” Kreacher agreed. “But most of these skaters haven’t seen you in real life. There will be, yes, but not all. Besides, we cannot risk any injuries now. So, keep calm and do not try to impress during this practice session.”

Regulus hollowly nodded, and James carefully watched him. He knew Regulus was losing his battle, could see it happen before his own eyes. He couldn’t fathom Regulus’ strength to fight his whole life with all of this – his parents, ice skating, the pressure. He couldn’t even believe Regulus was still standing.

“You’re doing good, Black.” Before heading out, Kreacher gave Regulus an encouraging pat on the shoulder, causing Regulus to flinch instantly. James almost shot upright at the sight of it.

“Thanks,” Regulus mumbled quietly as he recovered himself. His eyes remained right on his feet. Then, he got up, ready to leave for practice. He didn’t even take in James’ presence.

“Reg, wait.”

Regulus froze, as if it was a command. James sadly smiled as he watched Regulus turning to – finally – face him. “Look at your skates before getting on the ice, yeah?”

“I wouldn’t be able to put them on otherwise, James.” Reg returned a weak smile. “I will.” James grinned at the young man as he made his way out of the camper, barely holding in the urge to twirl around out of excitement.

Regulus, unaware of James his enthusiasm, forced his feet to bring him to the ice rink. James would come later. He’d promised earlier that day. He’d bring him tea, probably. Regulus felt his limbs relax at the though of it. These unasked signs of kindness were getting him through all of this. Even though his nights were spent widely awake, James gave him that one bit of energy he needed to continue his training.

Because of James, Regulus would get to the end of this all, he knew.

The bench was full save for one spot. Regulus hurried himself to it, eager to see why James had asked him to look at his skates, angry with himself for his eagerness. His fingers curled around the laces of his bag as he let his head fall backwards. His head hurt and the rest of his body felt nothing but numb.

Only two more days. Then he’d be off. He’d be free.

He rapidly opened his bag, plucking his skates out with upmost care. They’d been his companions through hours of blood, sweat and tears. They’d fought the ice while he fought with his demons. One day he would bring them to somewhere that wasn’t a rink. Somewhere nice, and he’d skate on them, unconfined to the rink.

He placed them onto his lap, carefully avoiding the blades. Something glittering caught his attention, and his fingers moved over it. A tiny sticker – a bright star. Regulus smiled sadly, his longing gaze plastered to the star.

How he’d treated James these last few weeks… It might’ve hurt Regulus more than it did James. It had to happen. Regulus couldn’t change himself, so the only solution was to change his behaviour.

There had been a change that Regulus couldn’t do anything about, whether he wanted to or not. While ice skating with James, the touches, the kind words, Regulus discovered a certain desire inside of himself, one he’d never expected to find himself facing. How could one fight wanting another so fiercely it was perceptible in the hardness of their strongest bones? All Regulus did know was that their was a need for James attention inside of him, and he wasn’t ashamed. He just knew it wasn’t possible, not in his family, not when freedom was so, so close.

A thickness appeared in his throat at the thought of James finding out. God, Regulus thought, he’d resign before the sun can rise. He cast one last sombre glance at the sticker before putting on his skates.

He swallowed the image of James leaving down and looked before him. He couldn’t think of James, not on the ice – not anywhere. It’d been nicer than he could have expected, having someone to discuss book topics with. To debate whether the smell of coffee or tea is best on early mornings. Regulus shook his head. To be there before and after his trainings, waiting for him, whether it was to ramble about dogs he’d seen when retrieving tea or today’s rainfall.

It’d been nice.

But that was all it could be.

The rink was flooding with other skaters. Rivals. Regulus straightened his back, sharpened his gaze at every and each one. He couldn’t allow them to see him like… like this, really. Like a mess, perhaps. He didn’t know how he looked. His eyes stung, so fatigue was bound to show on his face. His heart ached, but that they could not see nor know. No one could but Regulus. He’d just have to get over it.

He put on his skates, vividly remembering the act of helping James with his skates. His fingers slid over the sticker once more, and then he got himself on the ice, where he knew people would watch him. They’d keep him in the corner of their eyes and never let him escape. He was, in their head, their biggest rival. He was the best. There was no denying it, not by other skaters, not by the jury tomorrow. Regulus would win tomorrow, and he’d put all of these skaters in their place already had his coach not forbidden the act of doing so.

He began striking a little, letting his fingers go through his long curls, as if to draw the attention to those instead of the way his posture lacked the strength it’d had at other competitions. His body wasn’t as strong as it’d been before, but that didn’t mean it didn’t posses all the strength it’d need to victor. Regulus jutted his chin, put on a smug smile, and sped his pace. He moved around the other figures with ease and perfect gracefulness. If one wasn’t already gawking at him, they’d be soon enough. He carried out a single loop or two, and then he found himself doing a double salchow.

People were watching… They were waiting for him to do more, show what he was made of. Their eyes lingered on him, requesting him to reveal the ancient Black blood flowing through his veins.

Keep calm today, kid

But these jumps were too easy in their eyes.

They didn’t understand Regulus his fears nor the prison he found himself in. They couldn’t, not with his parents hiding everything so well.

His heart pounded and his chest heaved, practically asking him to execute an axel. Regulus pinched the palm of his hands as he slid between two other skaters, begging the adrenaline to stop pressing the axel in his head.

We don’t want anyone seeing what you’re capable of just yet

Regulus had to show them something – scare them off. Show them he was okay.

Competing had taken so much from him; his freedom, his body, parts of him he’ll never find again, no matter how badly he searches inside of himself. It couldn’t take the respect toward him, too. It was the last thing he had control over. These pairs of eyes – the public had taken their toll on him as well as his parents. He wouldn’t let them think him any less worthy of gold.

He took off, faster this time. He flied over the ice, passed by many awaiting stares. A thousand images plagued him, but he could only think of his next step.

No one was before him.

He could do the Lutz, he knew. It wasn’t axel, but it was good. He could be good – better even.

Regulus squinted his eyed. Then, he launched his body into the air from the outside edge of his right foot. Holding his arms close to his chest, he turned his body around.

The eyes were everywhere. He was used to this, but these… They were like poison rotting his self-confidence to the core.

He turned and turned before his left foot met the ice in a smooth movement.

Regulus Black landed himself a triple lutz with a sneer taking over his face. He could see then that this was the beginning of the end. This jump was only the start of the two upcoming days. Soon, he’d find himself in the rink with a proper public, a rink for him alone. He’d find himself ending all of this once and for all.

Smugly, he made his way to the bar. They were watching him still. Maybe there would always be eyes watching him. Regulus did not know. He now stared right back, felt the rivalry tense the air. His hand rested on the bar when a glimmer made him turn around once again.

His eyes fell on another skater. A man whose locks of dark hair fell slightly before his eyes, so he threw it backwards as his skates carried him forward. He must’ve loomed over Regulus without a problem, Regulus being rather short. Something drew Regulus to the young man – a scar crossing right over his face, from his jaw up to his eyebrow. It wasn’t a terrible sight at all – quite the opposite, even. Even from afar, the man’s eyes mirrored a warmth, which glued your eyes upon him. It was a peculiar but modish combination.

Regulus watched him more carefully, not because the scar nor his gentleness or height.

It was the sparkling Regulus recognized instantly.

His eyes fell upon a sticker plastering to the man’s ice skates. It wasn’t the same as Regulus’, but a tiny sparkling sticker nonetheless.

❄

Regulus Black always thought it’d be his parents who would end up betraying him. He’d expected it – prepared for it, even.

He never thought to think of James Potter being the one to put a knife in his back. He never could imagine it. He didn’t deem it necessary to prepare himself for James betraying him as he occupied himself by filling his days with training, reading, and debating with James over every single topic he could think of.

Oh. How wrong Regulus was.

He paused before his camper, in the pouring rain, closed his eyes and let his head slump forward. Water was dripping down from his curls, but he could stand here, in the rain, for eternity. There was something soothing about the block of weight in his clothes and hair. He could almost imagine the water its weight competing with the heaviness of his heart.

The door was quickly thrown open, and Regulus stepped in, only to halt in the doorframe, the water falling onto the wooden floor. He had returned earlier than compromised with Kreacher, taking James by surprise. He was lounging on the couch, reading one of Regulus’ novels. If he wasn’t hurting, Regulus would’ve smiled and discussed his annotations in the book.

But he was hurting. Hell, James had shot an arrow right through Regulus’ heart and torn it apart. The image of James looking up at him caused a cry to come out of his burning chest. Immediately, James’ sparkling eyes faded away and got replaced by a worried frown. “Reg, are you okay?” James hastened himself toward Regulus’ shaking body. When he rested a hand of his on Regulus’ arm, Regulus jerked away from him, his back pressing against the closed door.

“Remus Lupin,” he croaked. It wasn’t a sentence, only a name, but James understood. Regulus noticed, because James stood a little straighter, his eyes were just slightly wider. Regulus didn’t get more response than this change in James’ posture. So, he pressed, “Do you know Remus Lupin?” Again Regulus found a scream building up in his chest. He might’ve been overreacting, but everything was crashing down on him, anyway. The last piece that reminded him of his somewhat happy self– before all this confusion and stress – had ripped him apart. James.

He only had to hear the confirmation of James himself, because he knew the skater with the sticker on his boot. It was a rival, one of many Regulus had to watch out for. He hadn’t done so well enough.

“Want me to repeat?” Regulus snarled. “Do you-“

“Yes.” James stiffened, his eyes avoiding Regulus’ furious ones. James had loved gazing at them before, but now… Now, they were on fire, and that fire was meant for James. “I know him,” he added in nothing but a whisper.

“I know.” Regulus nodded. “You’ve known him for how long, exactly?” He was playing with James now. It was a game easily won. A Black had power. Power enough to find out everything. But then why hadn’t his parents looked into James enough? Had they and did they just not inform their son? Would Kreacher have known?

Had Regulus been betrayed on all sides?

“We’ve known each other for years,” James answered, calm. “He’s my best friend.”

Regulus wanted to scream then. How come he hadn’t found out sooner? His heart might’ve not been this fractured. He might’ve not been bleeding this much.

He rested his entire weight on the door, his head close to exploding by now and his eyes closed. He wanted to rip out his delicate curls as his fingers went through them. He swore he could’ve gone wild. Maybe he had.

“Regulus,” James began, “this doesn’t change anything.”

Another blow.

Regulus his eyes shot open upon hearing this. “This,” he screamed, “changes everything!” He pressed the palms of his hands onto his eyes, as if to hide the tears, which were threatening to spill. “You went to Lupin, didn’t you? Shared all you saw during my trainings? Why else would you have gone to them? Why else would you sit there, in the cold and silence?”

He’d trusted James so much – too much. He’d began caring about the young man. So badly. He’d laughed with him. Opened himself up for the first time since his brother had left him. He’d seen James as an equal.

“No.” James shook his head. He attempted to reach for Regulus, because he had to understand… Regulus had to understand that he’d never share all the details he’d noticed during the trainings with Remus. The way Regulus would pinch his lips as Kreacher talked to him, probably stressed and unsure of his capability. The way Regulus would glance at James and the pinching would stop.

Regulus had to understand that James had gone to the rink with him because his eyes were practically glued to him every time he was on the ice. That James wasn’t even capable of reading properly when they were there. He wasn’t capable of anything but stare at Regulus in there.

James had so much to tell Regulus. He had to understand.

“Well, you probably got money out of it and maybe even gold for Lupin,” Regulus said. “I hope you’re happy about it.”

James was nothing more than a statue, unable to get a grip on the fact that Regulus couldn’t understand. The rage was too far into his system. It was hopeless. James’ body felt too heavy, and his heart was aching. Had this always been what was meant to happen to the two of them? Was this it?

Regulus his voice deepened as he growled, “Now, get out of my fucking sight!”

It was a true command.

James and Regulus weren’t equals, Regulus realized. Never had been. Nor friends – or whatever that was going on. Regulus had always been above James Potter in position, and James Potter had always been above him through betrayal. It had always shifted. It had never been just the two of them, together.

James lowered his eyes and walked out of the camper, passing Regulus, without a complaint. His arms slacked against his sides. It was for the better.

It was only when the door was closed once more that Regulus lost his balance. He crashed against the wall, shattering the picture frame of his younger self to pieces.

Regulus Black had nothing to fight for anymore.

He had nothing left.

Chapter Text

The moon had never been quite as bright as tonight. To be there, in the darkest moment of the night, pale skin lit up by the shining moon, Regulus felt bare. He blinked at the stars decorating the rest of the sky where the moon could not be. The iciness of the wind was nothing to the war raging inside of his mind and body. He felt a moon himself, doomed for eternity to be apart from the sun, always by darkness engulfed no matter how hard it shines.

“It’s a full moon,” another voice commented, shaking Regulus out of his daze. He glanced at the tall figure next to him. The irony of the two meeting now was almost laughable. Regulus let out a sad bark of laughter before his lips touched the cigarette resting between his fingers. He inhaled.

“You shouldn’t smoke.” The figure eyed the smoke escaping Regulus’ lips. Before their eyes, it danced in the wind, like Regulus would on ice. He hated how even then he couldn’t get figure skating off his mind. “Especially not with the discipline you’re in.”

Again, Regulus ignored the voice. He closed his eyes, hoping to find himself alone when he opened them once again, only the moon accompanying him.

“The competition’s tomorrow.” Regulus turned to the other, and, as if to annoy them even more, he blew the smoke into the cool air. It adored the scars on Remus Lupin’s face.

A familiar tug in Regulus’ stomach appears when he himself speaks. “Well, a sportsman isn’t supposed to send a man of his to the concurrence, either.” He paused to inhale and blow out the smoke once more as Lupin watched him in silence, his face not betraying any emotion. “I don’t give one shit if I smoke or not. It’s my last competition, anyway.”

Then, Remus Lupin did flash Regulus a humiliating smile. “Sending a man of mine? How so?”

“Sending your buddy as my assistant,” Regulus said, “making me care about the goddamn guy. Making me believe James Potter would never even think of using everything I taught him against me.” He gazed at the moon, clinging to his cigarette as if the world was ending.

“Wasn’t it you who wanted him to take the position?” Lupin cocked his head, smiling still.

“Fair mistake.” Regulus shrugged. “I wanted to annoy him.”

“Ah.” Lupin clicked his tongue. The action made Regulus’ blood boil. “Sounds like karma to me.”

“Fuck you.”

“Not tonight, no,” Lupin mused. “Have to be in top shape. I have a feeling this season’s gonna be a bitch.”

Regulus didn’t react, didn’t think Lupin worthy of it, truly. He tossed his cigarette away and stomped it out underneath his shoe, earning a nod from Lupin. The two stared endlessly at the night sky – Lupin, especially. He watched it with a certain connective gaze. Regulus didn’t quite dare name it, but if he had to, he’d almost call it gravity between them.

Once the silence had stretched long enough, Lupin his lips parted. He didn’t turn away from the shining moon when he asked, “You really think that was what James was doing?” A genuine question.

“Don’t even try to change my thoughts on this.”

“They’re not right, Black.”

“Again, I don’t give a shit,” Regulus bit back. “When all of this is over and I’ve taken a step back, I’ll be able to smoke when I want and what I want. I’ll be able to damage my body how I want and rethink all of this. I’ll get to do it all.”

Lupin only shook his head at this. He took a step backward, moving himself toward the other side of the parking where, presumably, his own camper was standing. Regulus didn’t turn or watch. Before entirely stepping out of Regulus’ sight, Lupin paused and said, “James would never. It’s about time you realize it. If you, during all of the time you spent with him, got to know him even a little, you’d know.” Regulus pursed his lips and shrugged. When no reply came, Lupin rubbed his face. The tips of his fingers lingered on the scars on him. “I’m not even competing tomorrow,” he admitted.

“What?” Regulus turned instantly, but all he received was Lupin’s back.

“I’m not, so don’t worry about James giving me information or something.”

“Why?”

“Hurt my ankle.” Lupin shrugged, and Regulus didn’t know his voice well enough to trace the possible lie.

Eventually, he wet his lips and said, “I’m… sorry to hear that.”

Lupin let out a sorrowful chuckle. “Me, too.”

❄

Regulus faced a closed door. The ache in his chest was tearing him apart. It was fury and longing all at once. And it was all meant for James Potter.

The first time he dared to put a name on the longing he felt for the young man, they were both on the ice, and Regulus was terrified. He had tried to push it away by sending James himself away. He tried to create a wall, but putting a wall between James and oneself is nearly impossible, if not entirely. But Regulus tried. He thought he had to.

And then when he found about James and Lupin’s friendship, Regulus felt himself crumble. He had felt all these urges;  he had felt this desire to make James Potter smile, read his stupid nonfiction books with him. He’d wanted to do absolutely everything together with James.

But he broke down instead. Tried to put distance between the two once more. His thoughts had run their course, convincing him ever so well of how he cannot trust anyone but himself.

You went to Lupin, didn’t you? Shared all you saw during my trainings? Why else would you have gone to them? Why else would you sit there, in the cold and silence?

No

James hadn’t lied to him – ever. If anything, he only spoke what he thought was right. James Potter was this… painfully good, good person. He shone so brightly one had it rough to keep apart from him.

Regulus couldn’t help but be mesmerised by James Potter, the young man he thought to be the sun’s twin flame.

James would never. It’s about time you realize it. If you, during all of the time you spent with him, got to know him even a little, you’d know

Perhaps Regulus had known. Somewhere he really had, but his thoughts… They’d been unmerciful to his pierced self. And he hated how he let them push James away. Again.

So now, Regulus blinked at the door before him. He’d put up a wall, forced James away. There was only this door now, keeping them apart. Which is why he lifted his shaking hand and knocked.

Three times.

Wishing James wouldn’t show up.

Wishing he did.

Wishing he had enough words inside of him to speak with him.

Footsteps were audible on the other side, and then, Regulus heard a hand patting the door ever so softly, searching, searching… When the door opened, James was there, squinting his eyes, trying to puzzle out who was standing before him without the help of his glasses.

The sight of a half-naked James without them took Regulus by surprise. James had been handsome before – with glasses and a T-shirt. And without… nothing could compare. Regulus was sure of it. “James,” he breathed.

James flinched when it dawned upon him who, exactly, stood in front of him. “Regulus?” he asked with wide eyes. Then, his brow wrinkled up and he asked, “What are you doing here at the hotel? You should be asleep. Your round is in a few hours!” The words flied off his lips. He clearly had more of them than Regulus.

Regulus attempted to speak but failed; he opened his mouth, trying so hard. Only a sob came. His hands rubbed over his entire face. “I-I don’t know who to trust anymore, James,” he admitted as he let his arms fall against his hips. He stood there so, so still and broken. James didn’t need his glasses to recognize Regulus’ anguish.

He staggered backward a little when Regulus passed him quickly, letting himself in. His eyes fell upon a familiar pair of glasses on James’ bedside table, and his fingers gently curled around them. Regulus turned slowly, facing James again, and lifted his hands. Focused and slightly biting his lip, he placed the pair upon James’ nose. This was a more familiar sight, and Regulus felt himself soften when James blinked as his vision grew better.

“Hey,” James whispered and noticed their closeness. He frowned and asked, “You okay? What’s going on?”

Regulus laughed bitterly. “I’m not only trying to have the best round,” he began, “I’m fighting my parents, the concurrence, the reporters, jury with political interests. I’m fighting everyone, James. All the time. I can’t trust anyone. I-“ He gulped. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re not fighting m- It’s me, Reg. I wouldn’t…” James felt his hand move upward, reaching out to Regulus, but he stopped them by stroking his own chin. “Remus is my friend, yes, but I would never use what I know about you to his advantage. It hurts that you’d think that.” The wound Regulus had given James was displayed on his face and ever so clear.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated himself, unable to fix what he’d already done. His words were said. Feelings had already been felt. It’d already been done.

“But at the same time, I understand.”

Regulus felt his throat burn. Shame and hurt and longing attacked him so forcefully. His body trembled and he let his head fall forward, his eyes closed as he cried. Seeing this, James couldn’t help himself. He moved forward and allowed his arms to curl around Regulus, taking the crying man in his arms. Regulus melted in the embrace, and he swore he could hear the deepest part of himself – the one he’d tried to hold together all his life –shatter.

He broke.

Before James.

And yet, James would never understand. No one could. That was the hardest truth Regulus would ever face. No one knew what he’d been through – the pain, the betrayal, the constant fear. He felt all at once. All the time.

“It’s okay,” James told him, his voice soft. Regulus buried his face in the crook of James’ neck, like it was the only chance he would ever get. It might’ve been. He didn’t want to think of it.

“You know nothing…” he cried.

James pulled back, causing Regulus to look upward at him. With burning eyes, James held Regulus’ gaze. “Then help me understand what’s going on inside of your head, Reg,” he pleaded. “I want to understand you.” His quivering fingers travelled to Regulus his chin. They lead his face upward so his chin was lifted and his face was the closest it’d ever been to James. Regulus his eyes flickered from James’ lips back to his eyes. “Please let me.”

Hearing the request, Regulus felt his legs tremble underneath him. He was sure they’d give up on him sooner or later. James would never understand. But… Regulus could try to explain. He could try to open up to the ever so fragile person holding his face. He would try for James. He wanted to try for James.

“Okay.”

A lonely tear slid down Regulus’ cheek. Seeing this, James’ face closed the small distance between their faces, and he wiped the tear away with his soft lips. They lingered there, savouring the saltness of doom. Regulus’ lips parted. He was speechless. He’d never loved touch so badly. He craved more.

In a tender movement, James rested his forehead against Regulus’, smiling beautifully.

Intimate

Regulus his eyes twinkled at the thought. He had fled before, when the word came across. Now, he relished it. He never wanted to stop being this intimate with James. Hell, he was very sure he wanted even more.

“You should rest before the sun comes up,” James said.

“I know,” Regulus admitted, though he was sure it was unimaginable with this much adrenaline coursing through him. He wondered if it’d been possible even without. “I just couldn’t… I can never sleep.”

“Sleep here,” James proposed. “I-I can take the couch. Gladly. I don’t know, it might help to sleep in the presence of someone else.”

Regulus looked at him with parted lips. “Wouldn’t you mind?”

“Not at all.”

“The couch though?”

“I’ll survive a night on the couch, Reg.” James grinned as he turned to close the door, which’d been left open.

“I can take the couch. It’s okay,” Regulus said.

James rolled his eyes, grinning still. Said, “You’ve got one of your most important competitions tomorrow, you idiot. You’re not sleeping on the couch.”

Regulus narrowed his eyes. “I can’t take your bed when you’re sleeping on the couch. It’s rude.”

“I’m saying you should. Then it’s not rude.”

“I feel like it is, though.”

James chuckled as he shook his head. “You’re unbelievable, do you know that?”

Regulus remained silent. For anyone else, he’d never take the couch. For James, though, he would. Of course he would. His eyes flickered to the bed. “We can both sleep on a side. I wouldn’t mind.” The bed was big enough, after all. And Regulus truly wouldn’t mind.

James blinked. Then, nodded. “Fine by me.” He moved toward the closet and rummaged through it. Eventually, he revealed a pair of sweatpants and shoved them into Regulus’ hands. “To sleep in,” James explained as he eyed Regulus his dark jeans.

"Of course,” Regulus said quietly. “Thanks.”

“No worries.” James moved toward his bed, leaving Regulus on the other side of the room to dress. He climbed upon his mattress once more and carefully took one half. When dressed, Regulus found his way to the bed, too. He watched James, who had his head resting on his crossed arms, grinning up at him. It made Regulus return a smile, though his never truly matched James’.

The heaviness of James’ blanket fell upon Regulus, and he allowed his body to simply relax. He’d learned to live with tension through the years. It’d never really left his side. Now, Regulus felt like he could finally breathe properly. And he did. He let his eyes close, and rested his head upon one of the pillows thrown onto the bed. His lungs filled themselves with air, and he found himself drowsing off in no time.

James laid awake, though. He stared at the ceiling, noting the change in Regulus his breathing. Regulus had told him okay. He’d try to share his thoughts and worries with James. That’s all James wanted – more than he expected Regulus to accept to, even. And James found himself to be happy.

Happy that Regulus believed him.

Happy that they’d be more open.

Happy that Regulus was laying only inches away from him. It made his heart swell, and his fingers ache. Each and every part of him wanted to turn and crawl closer. Because the moment Regulus and his skin touched, he felt his chest explode. It was as if a sort of high came upon him. Touching Regulus Black was, truly, amazing. He wanted more.

And the way Regulus melted so easily into his touch gave him hope. With the image of Regulus’ body pressed to his from only half an hour before, James fell asleep, too, smiling.

Somewhere in the course of the night, as the moon began to shine ever so bright, the two their hands met and they didn’t let go.

Chapter Text

Light wasn’t what Regulus Black was going for. Normally, yes. At his last competition, most certainly not. His eyes flickered from the enormous crowd to the crimson red lines spread across the white shirt hanging lose on his upper body. The lines began where his heart would be under his skin. From there, the lines grew, twirled around until they formed one dark, red ocean.

Regulus smirked. Journalists could report however they wanted. He’d be the one to shine, anyway. Today, he’d rewrite the future so many others had planned for him.

He would give it all.

He would be it all.

James hand stroked over his shoulder – almost a caressing gesture, if it hadn’t been to make sure the outfit would be perfect upon the ice. “Tell me something,” James spoke up, eyeing the way Regulus was picking his lips so clearly. Regulus turned from the tribunes to James, his eyes burning. James couldn’t tell if it was anxiety or hope. Maybe both. Probably both, yes.

“What?” Regulus asked. His hand fell down at his side as he tilted his head in a curious manner.

James smiled at him. “How many teapots do you have?”

Regulus let out a real laugh. “Of course you would notice,” he remarked. “A whole collection of ‘em.”

James nodded. “I’ve seen several in the camper, but I’ve never seen you using them, though.”

"That’s right,” Regulus agreed. “I have someone to bring me tea, so I don’t have to bother making it.”

“Ah.” James clicked his tongue, grinning. “You bastard.”

And then they called Regulus’ name.

He looked at James. His smile had faded away slightly, but a sparkle was still visible in his stare. “Thank you,” he said softly, having seen through James’ plan to lead his thoughts another way.

“You thank me too often, Reg,” James told him. Then, with a fiery nod of his head, he told Regulus, “Ruin them all.”

This, of course, earned an instant smirk of Regulus, who’d been planning this all along. “Oh, I will,” he promised. Then, he took off on the ice, feeling James’ eyes on his back. His feet brought him easily before the judges, and he brought himself to a rest there.

It took only a few seconds for the music to fill everyone’s ears. Regulus closed his eyes, absorbed the sound. The feeling of it. The judges were right there – before him – but he refused to lay eyes on them – or face the fact he simply couldn’t without fear sweeping through him.

He pushed off, and the ice brought him backward. He turned once to the right, his arm dancing ever so gracefully in the air. It twirled around, as did his hand.

He turned, skating backward.

He turned again, now skating forward.

After so long, he knew each step so precisely. He knew everything, and he’d show them.

Light flickered around him, followed him. He danced on the music, on the ice. Regulus breathed in the glorious silence of the full tribunes. He knew then that he would remember this feeling for ever. He’d adored it once, and somewhere, he still did. That’s why he let it all in for one last time.

On the ice he was so much more than Regulus Black, the son of Orion and Walburga Black. The parents he loathed and loved at the same time. He’d never forgive them for using his passion and ruining it. They crumbled his love for ice skating to dust. But the moment he glanced at James, he was at peace on the ice once more. There was a sparkle of hope blooming inside of him. The crumbles were growing, like seeds under the shining sun. There was a plan for him, after all.

He pushed his feet harder and went for the starting half rotation. Then, he took off and went for the air.

He thought of James as he went for the first rotation.

His sparkling eyes.

His bright smile.

Regulus flied through the atmosphere, rotating and rotating… Thinking of this bright person in his life made him believe he actually could score a quadruple axel.

He wasn’t afraid anymore.

He’d fallen on ice. He’d hurt himself before.

But now he knew there was someone waiting for him on the surface. Grinning up at him. Regulus felt it – the energy. He couldn’t help but grin as he went for the fourth rotation before his skates found the ice again, sliding backwards.

The music was distant now. It’d faded away during his round.

It was over.

Regulus blinked and continued grinning at the pubic as they shot upright, clapping enthusiastically.

He’d done it. He’d landed the quadruple axel.

He turned his head to meet the gazes of his coach and James Potter. They were right there, standing and clasping their hands together. He’d never seen Kreacher this happy.

And James… James was indeed grinning at him. It was so vibrant. Regulus felt the oxygen leaving his lungs as he stared at the man.

This had been his last dance on the ice for the public. James knew it and he did. Kreacher had most probably heard the rumours, though Regulus had yet to clarify them. Yet, he found himself everything but eager to do so. Kreacher was his coach. His friend throughout all these years. He was very much employed by his parents, yes, but he also was the only one he found himself to trust after all these years. He’d grown so fond of the man, and he was sure that Kreacher, too, saw him as a dear friend.

It would be hard indeed.

❄

Regulus pinched at his lips. He’d put on a sweater James retrieved from him, and forced his limbs to relax. It was close to impossible, though. As he was awaiting his points, he couldn’t help but sit still.

“It’ll be all right,” James told him in a soft voice. “You were freaking amazing.”

Regulus glanced back at him, his lips twitching.

The moment his name was said through the speakers again, Regulus tensed up. The warm sweater didn’t help. James’ fingers intertwining with his did.

“For the segment of Free Skating, Regulus Black scored two-hundred-and-one point three points. He is currently in first place.”

Regulus smiled. He could breathe again.

“Not surprised,” Kreacher said, smiling. “Have you seen all these losers?”

James’ lips parted, baffled. “Regulus, you’re first.”

“There’s still others who have to do their round. Nothing’s sure,” Regulus told him, serious.

“Have you heard your score?” James exclaimed in response. “I’m telling you, you’re going to win.”

“We’ll just have to wait and see, don’t we.” Regulus cracked his knuckles, wanting the calm to remain. He could not hope for too much. Though winning was a thrilling thought, he didn’t want to be too disappointed.

But the numbers were in his favour, and that was very, very good news.

❄

It took three cups of tea and another seven rounds before the speaker turned on again. Regulus’ head jerked upwards. As did everyone’s, eager to hear the winners of the competition. Regulus’ eyes flickered to James for an instant. He, perhaps, looked even more nervous than Regulus felt in the moment. James fumbled with his fingers as he waited and waited. The frown on his face told Regulus he found the silence too stretched already.

“Our judges have decided our last ice skater’s results,” it sounded. Regulus’ mouth became nothing but a thin line. “And so the winners have been determined.”

He’d worked to this day for years. His entire life almost.

He’d given everything.

In fact, he had barely anything left.

As the reporter announced the judges’ names, Regulus his eyes traced the silent tribunes. Everyone was listening. He glanced at Kreacher, whose gaze was glued on the bord. His brows were furrowed, and if looks could kill, the glass would’ve shattered ages ago.

The last competitor’s points had yet to pop up. If it’d be less than two-hundred-and-one point three points, Regulus would win. If more, he’d lose. It was as simple as that.

Regulus wet his lips. His nails were digging into his knee. Please, he pleaded inside his head. Please, let it be less.

When his coach took a step backward, he knew the last round’s score had been made visible. It took Regulus a breath before daring to look up at the electronic bord.

It was a name he did not recognize.

Two-hundred point one.

Less than him.

Regulus had won.

He did it.

As the realization hit him, he locked eyes with another figure on his bench. He had to blink before his vision cleared and he noticed Remus Lupin’s familiar face. There was only kindness in the tall skater his expression. He smiled at Regulus. And Regulus found himself returning one.

There was a chance that, if Lupin had been able to join the competition, he might’ve taken the win. The gold. Lupin had worked for it, Regulus had seen. At the practice session, Lupin had this delicateness in his movements, even though his tallness wasn’t in favour on the smooth ice.

Perhaps Lupin would’ve won, yes. He’d wanted it surely. But he hadn’t joined. Perhaps he truly couldn’t. Perhaps he could and his ankle hadn’t been injured at all. Regulus didn’t know.

But at the moment, the smile the two shared was enough. They were both content with the result.

“I knew it,” James exclaimed next to Regulus, shaking him out of his thoughts. Regulus turned to him and watched with adoration as James’ eyes lit up. He cupped Regulus’ hands in his own, and said, “Reg, you did it.”

The sudden touch made Regulus’ breathing hitch. “I did,” he replied calmly.

“Why aren’t you up and dancing on a table or something? You should at least be jumping up and down, no?”

Regulus chuckled softly at James’ confusion. That was perhaps the greatest gift for winning. “It’s me, James. I wouldn’t do either one.”

“Not here you wouldn’t,” James said, leaning back against the bench. The growing smirk on his face promised Regulus that he’d hear from it again.

“I’m not ever going to jump up and down or dance on a table,” Regulus deadpanned. “Don’t even think about it.”

“I like imagining it, though.”

“Stop imagining it.”

“It’s glued against my eyeballs. I can’t possibly stop seeing you dancing on a table.”

“You’re horrible, James Potter,” Regulus commented.

“And you’re requested on the ice, Regulus Black,” James mused, grinning. Regulus nodded and his feet brought him, together with his coach, away from James. Now very much alone, everyone around James Potter began chatting. He simply smiled contently and watched Regulus move away from him. Once out of sight, his eyes fell upon the Converse on his feet. He let the tips bounce against each other, patiently waiting until Regulus arrives on the ice…

“Can I sit here, mate?”

James shot upright, and his face reddened at the thought of this stranger having seen him play with his shoes like a child would. “Hey-um-yes.” The person, a young man who must’ve been around his age, blinked down at James. He had hair up to his chest as black as Regulus his charcoal. James gestured toward the two free spots next to him. “Go ahead.”

“Thanks.” The stranger sat down and gave his locks a gentle shake with one of his hands. A slight scent of cigarettes stuck to him, and James felt like talking to him for unknown reasons.

“I’m James,” he spoke. The words had flied off his lips so quickly.

The stranger’s gaze flickered from the ice to James. A good-natured smile came upon his lips as he nodded his head. “Sirius.”

“Se-Serious ?”

The stranger snorted, shaking his head now. “Si-ri-us.”

“Oh.” James went through his hair as he smiled to himself. “Sorry.”

“Not a problem,” Sirius said as he focused on the emptiness of the rink again. “I’m not in time for one Remus Lupin, am I?”

James’ lips parted slightly, surprised to hear his friend’s name on this stranger’s lips. “He didn’t participate, I’m afraid.”

“How come?” Sirius frowned, his eyes on the ice still.

“Injured himself.”

Sirius pursed his lips as he glanced at the ceiling above. “That’s too bad,” he admitted. “Good-looking chap deserved better.” Of course, James found himself smiling again. Remus would hear of this. “For his looks alone, I’d give him all the points he wants.” James opened his mouth, ready to find out more about this Sirius’ precise thoughts on his friend. But his attention goes right to Regulus, who steps onto the ice, the sticker glittering for everyone to see.

“Ah. There we have him,” Sirius said.

James eyed the stare Sirius has upon Regulus. He swallowed just seeing the intensity of it. “Do you know Regulus Black?”

Sirius took a moment to answer. “I’m a Black myself, y’know,” he then admitted, his eyes not leaving the skater before them.

“You’re family?”

“We’re not very close,” Sirius avoided the question smoothly. “Let’s just say I support the kid from afar.” James tilted his head to his side, curious, though he did not press further.

Sirius, eager to turn to another subject, asked, “Are you also a figure skater, James?”

“Oh, no.” James let out a bark of laughter. “Well, not like them, anyway. I’m very much a beginner.”

“You look like it.”

James eyebrows shot up instantly. “Excuse me?”

His shock causes Sirius to laugh out loud. It’s a peculiar sound. “Take a joke, mate,” Sirius said.

Regulus, on the highest platform on the podium, bowed slightly to get the award. When he moved upright once more, the golden medal hung around his neck and sucked up everyone’s attention. James gazed at it, his eyes sparkling. Even though he liked his sticker, it couldn’t tip the award.

Sirius watched Regulus, too. Eventually, he wet his lips and spoke, “Looks like there won’t be no Remus Lupin on the ice today.”

“No. You’re right.” James stood up, grabbing the bag Regulus had left behind. He smiled kindly at Sirius. “I’ve got to go congratulate the winner.”

“Off you go, then.” Sirius gestured toward Regulus exiting the rink.

James paused, turning toward Sirius again. “It was nice meeting you.” Sirius only smiled and nodded his head, but his eyes followed James once he left. He watched this James place a smooth hand on Regulus’ back from steps away. James only kept his hand there for a second, but it had changed Regulus’ entire posture. Sirius watched them a little longer, but when James turned to point him out to Regulus, Sirius fled.

It was only deep in one of the hallways that he dared to take a break from running. His chest heaved, and it felt like his lungs would be giving up on him sooner or later. He leaned against the ice cold wall, his head falling back against it.

Sirius smiled to himself, a soft and honest smile. Somehow He had found the one free spot on all of the benches, and it was next to this James – and somehow, he knew Regulus.

Sirius’ little brother.

Regulus Black.

He’d won.

“Of course he did,” Sirius mused, excitement rushing through his veins.

“What’s that now?”

Sirius turned sideways, and his eyes fell upon a tall figure with a shiny set of skates engulfed in his arms. Instantly, Sirius grinned up at him. “Nothing,” he said. “Just talking to myself.”

“Ah. Well I followed you-“ Remus is cut off immediately.

“Well, well, well,” Sirius mused. His eyes glimmered beautifully. “You followed me.”

How their paths intertwined so nicely.

"I thought you had put a bomb underneath James’ chair or something,” Remus Lupin admitted, a shy smile falling onto his own lips.

“A bomb?”

“I don’t know. You ran away from James.” Remus shrugged. “No one runs away from James. Thought something had happened.”

“Shouldn’t you be going to this James, then?” Sirius tilted his head, flashing his teeth even more.

“Oh, no.” Remus chuckled. “He was busy, you see.”

“Yes, I saw it.” Sirius’ expression froze as the image of his younger brother came to his mind once again. He recovered himself, shaking his head slowly. “Sorry you had to worry. Nothing happened with James and nothing will. I rather liked the guy.”

“Yeah.” Remus’ smile widened. “He’s James.”

“Yes, well… Let me make the running up to you.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. Do you fancy we go and get ourselves something to drink?”

Remus felt his ears go red, but his shoulders relaxed. “I’m in.”

And off the two went to get themselves a drink and a nice bar of chocolate.

❄

Regulus pulled a face. “I told you,” he said to James, “I’m not going to dance or going to jump.”

James sighed as he followed Regulus back into the camper. His eyes flickered from young Regulus in the picture to Regulus before him. He let out a breath as he stared at him. “But I’m happy,” he admitted in nothing but a whisper. “People dance when they’re happy. I certainly do.”

“Oh, don’t pout!” Regulus accused, chuckling. His fingers slid before his eyes, blocking James out of his vision.

James’ hands covered Regulus’ and his face came so close that he could feel the skater’s warm breath colliding with his cheek. With a content smile, Regulus let his hands fall, and James held them with his own. The two stared at each other, their breathing synced.

"One day.”

“One day what?” Regulus asked, his lungs almost failing him this close to James.

James went to whisper in Regulus his ear with a lovely smile printed upon his lips. “One day I’ll have you dance with me.”

“I-I don’t dance.”

“Why, you dance all the time, Reg,” James said. “On the ice.”

“That’s different.”

“Is it?” James breathed as he moved back from the side of Regulus’ face to before it. He watched Regulus swallow, and allowed the tips of his fingers to come to a rest on the skin there. They slid over the softness of it. He wished he could trace every line and never forget.

“What are you doing, James?” Regulus asked throatily.

“I don’t know,” James whispered as he locked eyes with Regulus. You tell me.”

Regulus tilted his head a little to the side, watching James ever so closely. Now he had the chance. He didn’t know what, exactly, was going on, but he liked the closeness of it. He felt James’ fingers slip behind his neck, holding him near.

“You’re touching me,” Regulus breathed. “Going through my hair,” he added shakingly when the fingers began tugging at his curls.

“And…” James paused when Regulus took a tiny step closer resulting in the tip of his nose stroking James’ cheek. “Are you liking it?”

“Oh, I’m liking it,” Regulus smiled, and James could feel it against his skin. That’s when he lifted his other hand to Regulus’ neck and pulled him closer until their lips met. Regulus immediately reacted by letting his hands sneak in James’ own mass of hair. The pair melted in the kiss, their bodies pressed together like they had always belonged this way.

“Is this,” Regulus breathed, his finger tracing James’ lips, “to congratulate me?”

James chuckled. His heart sped up even more as Regulus was touching him still. “Not per se, but sure.”

“Well, thank you for this – and for coming to watch,” Regulus said softly as his lips connected w James’ again.

“There were so many there to watch you, Reg,” James told him.

Regulus looked up at him as his hand rested on James’ jaw. “You were the only one who mattered.”

“There-“ James was cut off by another kiss. He couldn’t quite stop himself form kissing the ice skater back. Only when Regulus took a breath, he spoke again. “There was someone else.”

“You told me, remember? I didn’t see anyone I knew.”

“He’d already left, I think,” James said. Regulus his hand moved James’ face closer to his, bringing him once again in an intimate embrace. “Wait, Reg,” James told him kindly.

Regulus blinked and waited for James to speak again.

“He told me he was a Black.”

“A Black?”

“Yes.”

“Who was it?” Regulus asked James. His brain began functioning again. Thoughts and worried attacked him.

“Sirius,” James said. “Sirius Black.”

Instantly, Regulus slumped back, his arms drooping at his sides. His face became slack, and James reached to give the young man more stability.

“What is it? Who’s Sirius?”

Regulus’ chest swelled, and he didn’t know whether he wanted to cry or smile. “He’s my brother,” he told James. “My brother came to look at me.”

Chapter Text

Regulus Black had fought so hard. Years. A lifetime, even. It wasn’t enough.

Not for his parents.

Would it ever have been enough?

“You told me,” Regulus said, “one more time. Then, I’d be done.”

Orion Black looked down at his youngest son. Regulus’ presence always felt like a nuisance whenever he was with his mother of father. They looked down at him – figuratively and literally. He felt like a mere child. “Regulus,” the man spoke, “You’re meant for so much more. You’re a winner. It’d be an utter waste to let you end your career.”

“Career?” Regulus snarled, his voice sharp. “Soon my body will be so broken nothing is left! My freaking limbs can’t keep up anymore!” The ache he felt more than ever recently wasn’t only a psychical ache. Mental pain plagued him, too. It always had, but Regulus never shared it with anyone. Not even Kreacher. Let alone Orion and Walburga. It was them, after all; they wouldn’t care.

“You’re exaggerating, Regulus,” his mother told him as she placed a delicate hand on her hip. “We saw your round yesterday.”

“On television,” Regulus mumbled under his breath. Nothing he wasn’t used to, really. Perhaps it was for the better that they hadn’t disturbed him during his big day. It would only have put more pressure upon his shoulders – and he had enough as it was.

“It was your best round yet,” his father stated. “Didn’t Kreacher tell you? You almost broke your personal record.”

"He didn’t need to tell me. I know.”

“Do you really, though?” the tall man barked. He slapped his hand on the wall behind Regulus, hovering over him with all his bruteness. His rage was radiating off him, and Regulus felt himself shrinking away. “You come here complaining, boy, saying your ability is faltering, while you’re only becoming better and better.”

“It’s normal to want to quit after a fantastic competition,” his mother chimed. The cruel smile was frozen on her lips. “You’re afraid you can’t do better than that. But you’ve done it before. Kreacher will help you become even greater, Regulus.”

“If you think that,” Regulus said, his gaze flickering from his mother to his father above him, “then you know nothing about the only son still underneath your roof.

“I’ve been telling you that I want to quit for years – and you’ve both been making me go on. It has to stop at some point. This is the right time. I just finished one heck of a round. I got gold again. This must be it. I’m done.”

His father scowled and finally took a step back. Regulus winced when the man threw his arms through the air. When he turned to face his son again, his eyes were taken over by the darkness entirely. “You’re done when we tell you you’re done.”

“But-“

“And that’s it!”

Regulus staggered backwards, now completely against the cold wall. His shaking hands rested against it. He got out before his parents could speak another word, though he knew they wouldn’t. They only barked orders at him. Never a kind word. Never a normal family.

One of his parents’ chauffeurs brought him safely back to his personal prison, his camper. He loved it, and he loathed it. It was his safe place as well as the place his parents have put him in, all those years, at competitions.

The moment he opened the door, James’ head shot up to look at him. His face perked up when their eyes met. A book was laying in his lap, nestled between the soft blanket Regulus provided for him. The moment he noticed the haziness and sadness in Regulus’ eyes, he reached out a hand, asking him to join him on the couch. Regulus did, and James allowed his arms to curl around Regulus his neck. He pulled the young man close to him. They stayed like that. Regulus remained silent. He stared before him, forcing himself to blink from time to time.

“Want me to get you a book?” James questioned as a hand of his now dug through Regulus’ mass of curls. This shook Regulus out of his unkind thoughts. He glanced at James, his eyes hallow. A simple shake of his head served as an answer.

“Reg,” James whispered as he leant closer. “Do you think talking about it will making it better?”

“I don’t know,” Regulus admitted, and his lips quivered afterwards.

James’ eyebrows drew together. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Regulus bit the inside of his mouth until he could trace the faintest taste of blood. His tongue covered the small wound. “Not yet.”

“All right.” James nodded, and he arched his back a little more for Regulus to lean into him even more. Regulus rested his head upon James’ chest. He felt the heartbeat underneath it. It comforted him somehow. “Want me to read out loud?”

Regulus forced himself to react. He wanted to – for James. “What’s it about?”

James pursed his lips. “Hierarchies.” Even though a low was pulling him down, Regulus’ lips twitched out of amusement. James noticed it immediately, and he smiled, letting his hand go through Regulus’ hair once again. “It’s very interesting, you know.”

“I believe you,” Regulus said quietly, “but I don’t need any proof. You can always read me one of my books, though.”

James looked at him. There was this look in his eyes that made Regulus melt even more into him. “Okay,” James told him.

Regulus’ eyes widened. “You don’t have to. It’s all right,” he began rambling. “I was joking.”

“Reg,” James spoke. He smiled softly and peacefully “I’d love to.” It wasn’t much, only a novel Regulus had read a hundred times before, but to the pair, it felt like so much more. James his fingers slid over Regulus’ palm, soothing him a little more with each touch they shared.

This was different than when they had shared a bed together. Regulus felt it, and James could, too. He smiled against Regulus’ neck and began to read out loud.

The doom in Regulus his blood could wait.

❄

Regulus opened his eyes, tiredness dragging him under again. He felt James’ warmth everywhere around him, including where his fingers were stroking now familiar circles onto Regulus’ back. He’s still reading the book, though now in complete silence.

“Hey…” Regulus whispered. His throat felt raw. Had he perhaps cried during his sleep?

“You’re awake,” James stated, and he looked down at Regulus. His body sacked a little deeper into the couch, allowing for Regulus to rest his head in the crook of James’ neck. Regulus swore their figures were made to fit together. James’ arm suited so well around him as he also held the book with his other hand. While Regulus leaned onto James’ body, he was sure that he would never complain if neither of them moved ever again. It felt strangely comforting.

Having someone to come back to. Someone who cares.

He didn’t know when it’d happened. In fact, he thought their comfortable behaviour to have been a slow process. It’d taken months. First, Regulus hated the guy. Now, he pressed his forehead against the warmth of James’ chest. How things had changed.

He glanced up at James again, whose lips were moving with the words he was reading. Regulus felt himself smile at the sight of it, which drew James’ attention. He laid the novel onto the table before them and rested his hand on the top of Regulus’ head. For a moment, a less-comfortable silence creeps over them. Eventually, James does speak up. “It’ll be all right, you know.”

Regulus feels his limbs stiffen. Did James know already?

“Quitting,” James clarified, and Regulus wished to cry out.

James did not know already. He was still thinking that the plan was going perfectly. That Regulus could get out.

Softly, James pressed his fingers onto Regulus his deep frown. “You’re not alone in this.” His head falls back then, on top of the couch its back, and he stares at the ceiling. “Actually, is one ever alone?”

Regulus pondered for a while. Then, says, “I’ve felt alone, yes.”

“And now?” James cocks his head, curious.

“Now,” Regulus said. His finger slid underneath James sweater and were met with the smoothest skin. He felt James’ chest rise and fall as he drew figures on it with his fingertips. “I feel like melting out skin together for ever. And keep you with me always.”

James his lips parted. He wet them. “So, so nice, Reg.”

Smiling, Regulus kissed the corner of James’ mouth. “I’m not nice,” he said. “Not to many people. Most of the time, not even to you, James.” Cruelty was so easily freed and shown. Regulus felt it always, in the redness of the blood flowing through his veins. And James puts up with it, even though he’s so, so different.

“You’re not mean, either, you know.”

Regulus asked, “Then what am I?”

The smile James sent him made his heart swell. “Someone who has a teapot collection,” he began, “whose French accent appears when they’re arguing. Who reads sappy love stories. Who likes his their tea very hot.” Regulus his fingers lingered on James’ chest. He was sure James could feel their heartbeats beat together through the touch as he continued. “You’re someone who sees everything and is seen by no one.” James pursed his lips as he stared at Regulus. “Not truly.”

“James, do you know thousands of people saw my round on television?” Regulus teased, mainly to avoid the way his chest tingles, bleeding. “Pretty sure people see me.”

“You can’t help yourself to bring that up, eh?” James smirked at him, chuckling quietly. Then, adds, “They don’t know you, though, do they?”

“No,” Regulus agreed. “They don’t.”

Now, James sat up a little straighter. As not to fall off, Regulus slid closer to him. James smiled, and his relaxed features made Regulus do the exact same.

“I like knowing you… getting to know you,” James told him as he pressed the side of his face against Regulus’. “I like that very much.”

Hearing these words, Regulus hauled himself up, slid his legs over James his legs. He was sitting in James’ lap. He felt more at peace than never before. And then he kissed James. On his mouth. On the top of his nose. And James kissed him right back.

But there was a certain tightness around James his mouth. It was worry that was drowning him. Worry for Regulus. Regulus his eyes lingered on it, and he knew what he had to do. He breathed in, felt his lungs expand, and out. With clear eyes, he watched James, their faces only inches apart.

“It wasn’t my last.” James knew what Regulus was talking about the moment the words left his stained lips. “They want more.”

“Reg…” James whispered as he cupped Regulus his face.

“I shouldn’t even be surprised, really. They’ve always wanted more and more. This isn’t any different.”

Greed was in his parents’ blood as much as it was in his. It was there, waiting always. Present forever. Regulus was there to be used, like cattle kept for whatever they could give. He was a tool. He’d always been a tool.

A finger of James weaved itself in one of Regulus’ curls, and Regulus realized then that the greed he felt was something else entirely. It was intense. It was very selfish still. And it was all James Potter. Regulus savoured the idea of never leaving his side as he watched James gaze at his features.

“Can’t you just announce you’ll quit?” James proposed. “They won’t make you take it back when it’s already spread all over the media.”

“Oh, James,” Regulus mumbled. A terrible sadness welcomed him at the thought of it. “Their power is undeniable. The media doesn’t stop them. My injuries can’t even stop them.”

James clenched his jaw, and his face hardened. He felt like he could rip their hearts out as his fingers carefully slid over Regulus’ dark brow. “We’ll find something.”

But what had Regulus not tried?

Only one person had successfully gotten out of Orion and Walburga Black their greed. Sirius Black. Regulus’ brother. Sirius, perhaps, had more talent in figure skating than anyone else. More than Regulus, surely. He was at home on the ice. He was a prince unable to be ruled over.

He was Sirius, and he got out.

Regulus felt his lips tremble. His older brother had run away years ago, before he could’ve began his adult ice skating career. He did not leave much – a letter or two, hidden in Regulus his books. Regulus never did see his brother again. As a kid, he would stare at the sky at night for years, wishing his heroic brother would return and take him. Regulus had wished for an escape every single night, and he had hoped his brother would be exactly that.

Sirius never got Regulus out.

He never even tried.

But his brother had come back today. James had seen him.

“What did my brother look like?” Regulus asked.

James kissed the top of Regulus his head and said, “His hair was as dark as night, and it was long.” Regulus smiled at this. Sirius had always liked his locks most when they were long.

But James knew what Regulus was truly asking him.

Of course he knew.

“He looked at you like you were the brightest fire he’d ever seen, Reg,” he breathed.

“Thank you,” Regulus whispered, and James hugged him a little tighter. Regulus let James pull him deeper into him. He welcomed the tenderness of it.

“Reg?”

"Yeah?” Regulus looked up from James his chest.

“Wat if we just.” James paused. “Left?”

Regulus had though about it before. The act seemed so simple: leaving. But he’d discarded the idea as quickly as it had come to him.

But now that James is the one proposing it, there’s hope connected it. Intertwined with the words. James does that – letting Regulus believe there’s something to hope for. That isn’t just some tunnel he cannot get out.

Which is why he says, “Let’s do it.”

Chapter Text

Regulus didn’t know what to take with him.

It was his camper; He should have been dragging whole shelves with him. He should have been fond of it all. But nothing seemed important enough at that moment. He just wanted to… to go, really. He wanted to get out and never come back.

He glanced at James, who was waiting outside, in the moonlight, allowing Regulus his time to think and process. In his arms was Regulus’ entire collection of tea pots. James insisted and Regulus didn’t have the heart to leave it behind.

Regulus looked behind him, at the camper, one last time. He sighed, relieved.

His own prison.

His safe place.

It’d been so much to him. Meant so much. And yet, it’d locked him up in his own nightmare and his parents’ dream.

“I’m ready,” Regulus declared. He had filled up a bag with some clothes and his fiction books. Most of them. The rest, he attempted to carry in his hands, together with his special bag that held his skates.

It was all that mattered.

“Okay.” James nodded. The sparkle in his eye was a determined one. He was ready to do what it took to help Regulus get out of there. He’d done enough – hurt enough. It had to stop, and today was the day.

Regulus exited his camper and was engulfed by darkness. James searched his face for a trace of hesitation or regret. There wasn’t any. Regulus was ready to follow in his brother’s footsteps and leave his parents’ fantasy.

“The last bus should be any minute now,” James said. He was so calm, and it was exactly what Regulus needed. The pair walked to the bus stop, which was just outside the rink. Regulus stared at the enormous building before him.

How many hours had he spent there? He danced there. Bled there. He hurt there most of all.

But he had loved it, too. At some point it had switched to pure exhaustion, but that doesn’t make the good moments vanish. He had relished the people’s eyes on him somewhere along the way. He’d loved their chants. He had loved the gold around his neck.

The golden medal.

Regulus let out a raw bark of laughter. He’d left it at the camper. That’s how he felt about it all; he was beginning a new chapter, another part of his life. And his old would be left behind.

The darkness was a beautiful companion to the two. The silence of the night was sweet. Only when the bus its lights disturbed the darkness did James really smile. He turned to Regulus, gesturing for him to head in first. “We’re getting you out.”

“We sure are.” Regulus grinned at him and his bag. It was an amusing sight: James carrying a linen bag with at least seven tea pots wrapped in yesterday’s paper.

Regulus stepped on the bus, James right behind him. Most of the spots were empty, it being in the middle of the night and all. The few that were taken were spread all over the vehicle. Regulus looked at his right, where a young girl was fumbling with a bracelet hanging to her phone case. She stared back, and Regulus left to find James and him a spot somewhere alone. He felt his lungs tighten. What if someone knew his parents? What if they informed them about the pair’s plan? What if.

If. If. If.

     Regulus picked at his nail as James placed the collection nicely on his lap. With pure concentration drawn over his expression, James glared at the bag, daring the teapots to move even an inch.

The bus drove them away from the ice rink Regulus and James had grown quite used to. It was the place where they met. In some way, it even was their special spot. But it was in the past now as much as it was behind them, literally.

“Where are we going?” Regulus asked James in a hushed voice.

James turned his face to the young man. “You’ll see.” Instantly, Regulus narrowed his eyes.

“You don’t have a plan?”

"I do.” James groaned. “Just wait a sec, Reg. Let’s wait until we arrive at the right stop. There are many ears, you see.”

Again, Regulus looked around behind them. No one was watching the two anymore, but one’s hearing couldn’t be put off. That’d be too simple. No, they could hear everything, especially with the silence dominating in the last bus of the night. “You’re right.”

“Of course I am.” James sent him a playful wink, a grin already growing.

The bus drove through the darkness, stopping only when a passenger had to step off. Even then, James and Regulus could hear the driver’s grumbling. It was late and he most likely wished for all of the people on the vehicle to just step off.

James and Regulus didn’t though. Not immediately nor quickly. James knew very well their destination, and he planted himself onto the seat in a comfortable position. Regulus couldn’t. He found himself wary of the situation now. What would happen? What would his parents do? What about Kreacher…

He shook his head. What he’d done was something good. It was an enormous leap into the unknown, yes, but it would prove to be fruitful. He’d be all right in the end.

He had to be.

James gestured for the driver to stop, and the bus came to a brisk halt. “We’re here,” James told Regulus, his lips grazing the skater’s earlobe ever so gently. Regulus shot into action, though his head remained on the seat, doomed to be lost in a sea of endless thoughts.

A light flickered in the depth of the street, and Regulus watched it do so. “Where are we?” he wondered out loud as James placed himself before a wooden door. He knocked exactly four times.

The door flied open, and a set of curious eyes peered through. James’ grin grew. “Hi, Moony.”

Remus Lupin nodded at Regulus, whose jaw had dropped entirely to the stone beneath his feet. “Come in,” he urged as he checked the street. There was no one, but one couldn’t be sure enough. James knew the way up, and Regulus followed closely behind him, up the staircase. Remus’ apartment had been left open in all his haste, and James allowed himself right in. Regulus waited outside, glancing at the tall person behind him.

“You can enter. Don’t worry,” Remus told him, his tone nothing but full of kindness.

“Thanks,” Regulus muttered, and he was met with the living room. There was a hearth, though not burning. A gigantic couch faced it, and endless stacks of books adorned the space. It looked like a cosy personal library.

It didn’t take long for Remus to push a cup of tea in each of his guests’ hands as they were seated on the couch. Remus made himself a nice cup of hot chocolate, and drank it rather quickly, even though it was very hot still. Regulus hadn’t said another word, and James only rubbed his tired eyes, fighting the fatigue attacking him. After a reassuring nod of Regulus’, he parted his lips and everything poured out of him – the lack of a decent plan and place to sleep. Their circumstances looked rather dark indeed.

Remus sighed deeply and began, “Of course you’re free to stay here. For as long as you want. But Regulus, you can’t just disappear,” he stated. “People know you. You’re bloody famous.” Regulus knew this and nodded in reply. The girl at the bus, he remembered, had a flash of recognition in her stare. Even in the middle of the night, people knew him, even though there had only been so few on that one bus.

“Can’t we just go somewhere where there are no people?” James questioned as he turned to Regulus beside him. “Would you like that?”

Regulus nodded again, but he was unsure of everything, really. His vision was blurry, and the words being said took longer than usual for him to comprehend them. He, too, was fighting his body its lack of sleep. He needed to rest. “Do you have somewhere we can sleep?” Regulus asked the kind giant. “It’s been an… adventures and long night.”

“I’m sure it has been.” Remus placed his hands on his knees and nodded. “When you enter the hallway, there’ll be a door on your right. It’s a spare bedroom that you can share.”

"Okay.” Regulus placed his weight onto his feet and found himself having a hard time to keep himself upright. He moved – though struggled to – to the hallway but paused before turning around the corner. His hand rested onto the wall, and he looked at the two friends sitting before the fireplace. “Thank you, Remus. For-for everything, basically.” He found himself watching Remus’ soft smile, though no more words were said. Then, he headed toward the bedroom that’d be James and his tonight.

Remus Lupin had given both of them a room to share. But that wasn’t what Regulus’ mind was thinking about. It was the injury Remus told Regulus he had.

I’m not even competing tomorrow

What?

I’m not, so don’t worry about James giving me information or something

Why?

Hurt my ankle

I’m… sorry to hear that

Me, too

When he had shown James and Regulus around, Remus hadn’t limped nor was he wearing anything to stabilize his foot. One would almost think he wasn’t hurt at all.

Perhaps Remus had simply stepped back from the competition – for James’ sake.

Perhaps he’d lied about the injury so Regulus could take the gold.

And it still wasn’t enough for Regulus to gain his own freedom, an unwelcome thought zoomed through Regulus’ head. He sighed; it was true, after all.

So, now he’s taking it himself.

His fingers curled around the doorhandle, but when voices caught his full attention, Regulus waited a moment to enter. It was Remus and James, still talking, still discussing about today’s activities.

"You’re certainly doing a lot for this one, Prongs.” It was Remus who had spoken. Regulus felt an amused smirk fall onto his fatigued expression at the mention of the nickname.

“Not enough, though,” James told his friend. “He’s still stuck.”

“He’ll always be a little stuck. Once you’re so high up in the field, there’s hardly any way out.”

“No,” James spoke. “That I simply can’t accept. I’ll get him out. I promised him, Moony.”

“That’s kind of you, but you shouldn’t make promises you aren’t sure you can keep.”

Regulus tensed instantly. Remus was right. It was a promise that’d prove hard to keep. But the fact James was willing to try meant more to Regulus than everything failing. Someone wanted to try. Someone wanted to try and get him out. And that someone was James Potter. It meant the world to Regulus, both the man and his kindness.

"I want to keep it,” James almost whined. “I want him to be free.”

Remus’ voice softened as he said, “I know, James. I know.”

❄

Regulus savoured the silence and hoped it would last forever. He’d left James in bed to prepare two cups of tea and assumed Remus was still asleep as well. The steam came in contact with his face and he blinked.

It was nice to not be waiting for training to come each second of the day. It was nice waking up and just… be able to get a choice in what to do, what to eat. Regulus smiled as he poured the warm water out of the kettle into the cups.

That’s when the entrance door flied open and a figure practically strode through the hall. Regulus blinked at him. At the long, dark locks hanging all loose. He knew these locks, though they’d grown several inches. He also knew the familiar locked jaw when one’s taken by surprise that ran through the family.

“Sirius,” he breathed. Completely unaware it was still doing so, Regulus’ hand continued pouring the water into the last cup. It spilled and splattered on top of his other hand resting next to it.

“Shit,” the two men curse at the same time.

The burning feeling made Regulus pull away. The kettle fell onto the ground, making more sound than he was supposed to hear all morning. He, certainly, hadn’t expected this. Seeing his older brother. Sirius.

“Wrong apartment,” Sirius lied. “Sorry.” In a second, he was turned around, attempting to try to get out already. This was worse than the burning feeling coursing through Regulus’ hand. He felt it in his heart: a slow and cruel stab.

“Sirius,” Regulus repeated more forcefully this time. Hearing his name this loudly off his brother’s lips made Sirius Black slow his pace. He came to a halt but stared at the tiles underneath his feet, his head filled with confusion.

“What’re you doing here in Remus’ apartment, Regulus?” he asked in a tone harsher than Regulus had expected the first words to be between them.

It made him scoff. “That’s the first question you think of asking me?” He clenched his jaw as he stared at his older brother with hallow eyes. “He let us stay here,” he added after a pause.

“Us?”

“Oh my god.” James stood there with wide eyes as his gaze flickered from Sirius to Regulus and back. He coughed between his words as he said, “That’s your brother.”

Regulus nodded slowly. “That’s my brother.”

Sirius watched as James walked over to Regulus. He curled his arm around Regulus’ waist and added the teabags that Regulus had already forgotten about with his other. “Nice to see you again, James. I knew you were shagging my little brother, by the way. You had this-this look when he won. I just knew it.”

James pursed his lips, his eyes narrowing only a little. “I do not have a look.”

“You kind of do, Prongs,” another added – Remus. A paper printed firmly in his hands, he entered the situation in his kitchen.

James scoffed. “That’s so not true!”

“Let’s get back to the point,” Regulus said over all of the mess going on, his tone sharp. “How the fuck do you know Remus Lupin, Sirius?”

“I didn’t even hear the bell,” James added.

“There wasn’t a bell,” Reg confirmed. “So, you’ve got a key.”

Sirius eyed Remus, who’d kept himself silent again. By the looks of it, he was going to let Sirius handle it, too. Sirius sighed and folded his arms over his chest. “I know Moony, all right.”

Hearing this, Remus couldn’t help but muse, “Is that all. You know me?” He had an amused grin spread over his well-rested face. His comment earned a glare of Sirius before he turned to James once more.

“Okay. I sort of met him after the competition. After we spoke.”

“Shit.” James laughed shortly. Then, recited, “Good-looking chap deserved better. For his looks alone, I’d give him all the points he wants.” Again, he laughed, and Remus’ cheeks reddened visibly. “That was quick.”

Sirius flashed him a content but cocky smile. “I don’t do slow.”

James nodded. “A key already though, Remus? That’s-”

“So you’re together,” Regulus stated.

Remus pursed his lips. “Well, we haven’t really discussed…”

“Remus,” Sirius said, “we do all the things couples do. We’re practically already married.”

“What happened to romance?” Remus exclaimed dramatically as he threw his arms in the air, an euphoric smile playing on his lips.

“I’m sure you can lend a book from Regulus,” James commented. “Plenty of romance in his fiction colle-“

“James,” Regulus warned him.

Sirius turned to his younger brother again, his eyebrows drawn together and his lips a thin line. “You got out?” he asked quietly. Three words and the conversation had been thrown over.

Regulus shrugged his shoulders, not even casting his brother a glance anymore. “No thanks to you,” he bit, causing Sirius to wince.

Remus eyed the two brothers. Then, nodded as if he understood his ears weren’t meant to be hearing any of this. He cast James a glance and called him. “I recently bought a cool biography. Saw it and thought of you. Care to see it, mate?” He pulled James behind him by the arm, and they left the two brothers on their own.

Regulus watched James’ figure disappear behind the corner of the hallway and sighed weakly. He knew James didn’t belong in Sirius’ and his situation and yet, he liked the surety and positivity James radiated at all times. Now, he felt bare almost.

Without James.

Oh, how hard he’d fallen.

He shook his head, even though he knew it would never get James fully off his mind. But now he had to focus on his older brother. He was here. They were together in the very same room. Together.

He cleared his throat as his fingers fiddled with a small bottle standing on top of the counter. “Want some tea? I remember you preferring coffee, but I made James a cup. It’ll probably be cold when he gets back if nobody drinks it.”

“Sure,” Sirius answered quickly as Regulus placed the cups onto the table and sat down. Awkwardly, Sirius sat down at the opposite side, avoiding Regulus’ determined stare. His fingers crawled around his cup, feeling the warmth of it. Slowly, carefully, he sipped from it.

“Liking it?” Regulus tilted his head, curious. He hadn’t touched his own yet.

“Loving it,” Sirius said, though his face was sour. He had the urge to spit the drink out. Still, his brother had offered it. He couldn’t. So, he swallowed the first few sips down, though his throat protested.

Regulus his lips twitched. “I added enough lemon juice for a whole family into your cup.”

“Jesus.” Sirius coughed. His fist punched his chest, as if that could get the sourness out of his system. “What did James do?”

His younger brother looked very amused. “No,” he said, “I added it after he left. Wouldn’t want him to get nauseous.”

“Oh, and I can?” Sirius scoffed and pushed the cup further away in a childlike manner.

“Yes. I’d have no problem with that, actually,” Regulus admitted before drinking his own cup of tea without a problem.

“Of course you wouldn’t,” his brother murmured. Silence fell over the two then, and Regulus rubbed his forehead. A headache had come, and he had a suspicion the tea wouldn’t be able to rescue him from it. His eyes flickered from Sirius to one of the tall stacks of books. “Take good care of Lupin, yeah?”

Sirius’ eyes shot up instantly. “Of course.”

“Good.” Regulus nodded, content. “He’s done a lot for James and me. He deserves someone taking care of him, too.”

Hearing this, Sirius smiled softly. “I don’t think he’s the one who needs to be taken care of.”

“No,” Regulus agreed, “I suppose not. Still, it’s nice to have someone looking after you.”

Sirius his expression fell. A certain sadness pulled its arms around him. “I’m sorry, Regulus,” he rasped.

“You might be,” Regulus said in a serious tone. “That doesn’t change anything, though. So I don’t care about your shit apology.”

“I was so young, Reggie.” Sirius his hands flied forward, trying to explain… “I couldn’t take care of you – not properly.”

Regulus snarled, “You left me – your little brother – in the hands of our parents. That makes you just as bad as them!” His chest heaved, and the anger in his eyes was burning. Sirius’ lips parted, and a single tear slid down his pale cheeks. He wet his lips as they quivered.

“I try not to be,” he admitted sincerely, his eyes cast down. “I felt like I didn’t have a choice, Regulus.”

“You always do,” Regulus said. “And I chose to leave with James yesterday. He gave me a way out. He did what you couldn’t – and what I was too afraid to do.”

“See? You could’ve left yourself but didn’t,” the older brother bit. “I did.” He balled his hands into fists and narrowed his eyes. “I fled without anything and I made it. I’m still here. You-you’re just…”

“I’m what, Sirius?” Regulus pressed.

“You’re nothing more than their doll,” Sirius told him, his voice softer. As if he regretted saying the words as much as he regretted them being the truth.

Regulus sighed and leaned back into his chair. His tone, too, was much calmer than before as he spoke, “Exactly. After you left, they couldn’t lose me, too. I was their only way to fame. I was the heir, then. There was no chance of getting out there before now.”

“What’s different now?”

There was a twinkle in Regulus’ eyes then. A happy one. “James.”

Sirius nodded as his fingers covered his eyelids. They’d found someone special both. They’d gotten out, finally. And perhaps they could stay out their parents’ grasp and together. Sirius wanted that. He wanted a chance to get to know his younger brother, even if he missed out on all those years. It didn’t matter. Though it did. But not right now.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated the words once more.

“We can’t change the past,” Regulus whispered. “It happened.”

“I know – and that hurts most of all,” Sirius replied, “because I would change it. Hell, I’ve spent years regretting leaving you, Reggie.” His tears told nothing more than the truth.

“Let’s forget about all of that at the moment, okay?” A thin smile came onto Regulus’ lips. “I’ll make you a cup of coffee.” He stood up and took his empty cup with him.

“Without lemon juice, please.”

Regulus frowned at his brother and scrunched up his nose. “Coffee and lemon juice would be a crime.”

Sirius only laughed.

Chapter Text

The fire danced before Regulus’ eyes. The flames twirled around, and he felt his skin prickle at the warmth of the hearth. A novel of his was laying in his lap as he drowned in one of James’ T-shirts. He’d have to go shopping for clothes soon. But now, there was only silence, the cosines of the fire, and his book waiting to be read. He sighed happily, taking a sip from his cup of tea.

“Oi, Regulus!” It was his older brother who peeped around the corner. Sirius glanced at Regulus’ woollen socks and chuckled. “You coming or what?”

With raised brows, Regulus deadpanned, “With you? No.”

Remus Lupin’s head popped up above Sirius his head. Regulus eyed the couple with an amused smile playing on his lips. “It’s going to be nice,” Remus argued.

Then, as if on cue, James appears underneath the two heads. Now, there were three pairs of eyes plastered on Regulus, all heads vertically lined next to the wall. James his eyes sparkled. “There’s going to be alcohol.”

“I’m all right staying in,” Regulus admitted calmly, glancing at the novel. “You three can go.” James clicked his tongue as the other two retreated to the door already. He found his way through Remus’ countless stacks of books and to Regulus Black. His arms curled around Regulus’ waist, and he pressed his face into the crook of Regulus his neck. Regulus smelled like him, wearing his clothes and all. It was a lovely sight for James. His chest swelled just looking at the young man.

“I’d love it if you came with us, y’know,” he whispered as his face now dug itself into the mass of curls.

Regulus’ lips twitched. “I quite like what I’m now, James.” But his breathing was already quickening at these touches alone. He doubted his capability of refusing something James wanted. It wasn’t far game, he knew. He was too fond of James Potter. And his heartbeat betrayed it already.

James felt it, too – Regulus’ heartbeat and the hastiness of it. He smirked against the skin at the back of Regulus his neck. His fingers crawled underneath the T-shirt and explored Regulus his stomach.

“I know you do,” he said. “But this is the first time we’re able to see Sirius get drunk.” Regulus raised his eyebrows again. “It’s going to be alcohol and music. Who knows what he’s going to do?”

“Do you want to get my brother drunk, James Potter?”

James his eyes widened. “No,” he answered quickly. “I just… I think it’d be good to loosen up a little. It won’t be, like, super mad. Just nice.”

“Just nice,” Regulus breathed as he leaned into James a little more. “Fine. I’ll come. Just once, though.” He closed his book slowly and allowed James to help him onto his feet.

James grinned down at him. “That’s more than enough.” Quickly, he pecked Regulus’ lips once before intertwining their fingers and leading him toward the hallway, to Sirius and Remus.

“It better be worth my time,” Regulus mumbled.

James sent him a playful wink. “Like I said, it’ll be nice – and maybe a little crazy.”

❄

Sirius Black was mental, his younger brother was sure of it. He poured shots down his throat without reacting even an ounce. And it was Sirius who climbed on top of the tables to dance for everyone in the pub. It was more than ‘a little crazy’, like James had told him.

There were countless drunken bodies moving on the rhythm of the music – and they were all pressing against others, one being Regulus. He huffed at the closeness of them all. He was too sober for any of this. So, he had to admit that he was grateful when James pulled him aside to the bar.

"You up for another one?” James asked him. Sweat was sticking to his forehead and in his hair. He certainly was a sight to see. But his smile, Regulus thought, his smile was the best of it all.

“Yes,” Regulus replied quickly as he let a hand of his go through his curls. He had sweat sticking onto himself, too, though he wasn’t sure whose it was. It made him cringe. “I can’t do this sober.”

“Is it too much?” James his eyes widened, worried. “We can go, if you want. I wouldn’t mind.” In reaction, Regulus rolled his eyes and smiled. He knew very well James was having fun. He liked being in the company of Sirius and Remus. He liked watching them being happy. They’d even created nicknames for who hadn’t one already in the beginning of their drunken daze. Regulus couldn’t ask James to leave, not now.

“I’m fine,” Regulus told James. “Only the sweat is really bothering me. It’s revolting.”

James flashed him a smile. “Always the sweat.”

“Give me a good few shots and I’ll be quite all right.”

“On it.” James nodded and ordered them. The drinks arrived almost instantly. Drunk and grinning, James clashed his shot against Regulus’. “Cheers!”

Regulus threw the alcohol down his throat, feeling the burn of it immediately. He swallowed it down and looked at James, who was already onto the next one. Regulus raised his brows simply looking at it. “James, you are unhinged.”

“Oh, do shut up.” James sent him a smug smile. “You’re loving it.”

Regulus drank another shot and smirked up at James. “Perhaps I am.” James adorably titled his head as he watched Regulus – truly watched him – with a content smile upon his lips. James had been going up in the franticness of this evening. He’d loved seeing Sirius dance and go wild. He’d loved it when he saw Remus taking care of the man. It warmed his heart. But this sight – Regulus Arcturus Black – could top absolutely everything. He had James captured.

Regulus stared right back at James and his smirk only grew. “We’re not alone,” he told James. “You’re looking at me like you want us to be alone.”

James his eyes twinkled dangerously. “The night’s still young.”

Regulus laughed. “That it is, James. That it is.” With that said, Regulus grabbed James his hand and pulled him in the mess of moving bodies once more. Somewhere in there was Sirius chugging down alcohol like a lunatic and Remus keeping him in check while also having fun. But right now, Regulus was with James. And he wasn’t going to think of anything else.

Pushing themselves through dancing bodies was easily done; being able to dance in between them was not. James struggled to keep himself up right, the freshness of the alcohol in his system already having taken its toll. Others nudged Regulus everywhere and he sucked in breaths each time. He held James’ hand a little tighter, feeling like he might get tramped if he did not.

There were too many people – and the alcohol hadn’t worked as well on him as it had done on James. Too many moving bodies. Too much sweat. Too much noise.

Regulus rubbed his chest. It didn’t help.

Nothing did.

Everything was going too quicky and he couldn’t control it.

“James,” he spoke. “I’m going for a smoke.” He felt himself stiffen a little more with each person pressing into him. He felt out of control. He needed to get out.

James turned his attention from Remus and Sirius next to them to Regulus. “Want me to come with you?”

Regulus glanced at the couple, too. Sirius was almost entirely attached to Remus Lupin. He kissed the man with every bit of adrenaline coursing through his veins. It was… quite the sight. As Sirius pulled back, Regulus could see that his face was free of any worry. He looked very, very content. Content with Remus in his arms. With his life, maybe. He looked in love and free.

Regulus wondered what he himself looked like. A mess now, most likely. He really had to get himself outside right this instant.

“No, it’s all right,” he said as he forced his lips to put on a smile so not to worry James more than he’d already done. “Stay with them. I’ll be back.” Still, James eyed him, as if trying to read Regulus’ thoughts. It was impossible, though, because there were hundreds of them zooming through Regulus’ mind. It was crazy. He was going crazy.

He needed air.

Quickly, gently, James pressed his lips to Regulus’. Instantly, Regulus his face softened, and for a few seconds, the worry that had glued itself onto his features faded away, like it never had been there. James took a step back soon enough, though the burning sensation of the drinks he had consumed earlier this evening lingered on Regulus his lips. “Don’t go too far,” James told him softly. “I told you that the night’s still young, but I’d like you to be close to me, anyway.”

“I’m very much enthralled by you, James Potter.” It was the dangerous combination of alcohol and panic speaking. “I’d never willingly go too far away from you.”

James grinned at him, also very much drunk. “You’re an idiot, Regulus Black.”

“I am,” Regulus admitted, grinning right back at James, though stiffly. “But very much your idiot, so deal with it.”

“Happily.” James winked at him. “Now get your arse out of here or I won’t be able to keep my hands off you anymore.”

Regulus forced himself through the people. His lungs refused to work with. He found himself rubbing his chest more often as he dug through the swarm of humans. He wasn’t used to any of this. Sure, he’d come in contact with countless of persons at the rink. All the time, people watched him as he skated. He was always in the spotlight. But this wasn’t the spotlight.

This was a storm of bodies, sweat and the music its vibrations.

The coldness of the night greeted him ever so kindly, and Regulus laughed at his silly thoughts. Oh, how panic made him go absolutely, positively crazy.

His lungs filled themselves with oxygen again, and he found his muscles relaxing once more. He conjured a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it hastily. Blinking at the night sky, he spotted two figures accompanying him in the darkness of the alleyway out of the corner of his eye. They were two shadows, strolling underneath a tapestry of stars.

And very much moving toward Regulus.

Before he was able to even touch his cigarette to his lips, he heard one grumble, “It’s going easier than I thought.”

Regulus pulled his cigarette back, and blinked at the pair of men. They were closer now – and they weren’t tall, but certainly taller than him. Their shoulders were gigantic. Regulus drunkenly staggered backwards. The panic that had gone away surged inside of him again. He swore under his breath, finally comprehending the situation he found himself in.

He put his hand up into the air, gesturing for the two to come to a halt. Surprisingly, they did, more shocked by the action than anything, truly.

“Wait a sec,” he ordered them calmly, the cigarette sitting between his fingers. “Let me get a taste first. I’ll need it.” He breathed in, keeping his gaze right on the two. As he exhaled, the smoke swayed around him in marvellous patterns. He savoured the taste. Then, nodded. “Go ahead.”

Their fists flied toward him, and his lips parted at the quickness of their aggression. He stumbled backward, more the shots their doing than reflexes, honestly.

It caused the men to miss. Perfect.

He would’ve let out a laugh – was planning it, actually – but his feet came in connection with something grand behind him, something he’d clearly missed. He let out a gasp. Then, his head connected with something solid.

And Regulus Black lost consciousness immediately.

Chapter Text

Regulus jolted awake without the energy to open his eyes. His head ached fiercely where he had fallen… the night before? How long, exactly, had he been unconscious? As he became more in touch with his body its sensations, he guessed a long time. The coldness of the atmosphere around him had crawled underneath his skin. He was shivering ridiculous amounts, had done so while unconscious, too.

There was a person somewhere around him. He heard their loud breathing. It was so silent in the space between them; he guessed he might begin to hear the other’s heartbeat, too.

It wasn’t cowardice that kept his eyes firmly closed. It was the heaviness. Regulus Black felt like death itself.

“I can tell by your breathing that you’re awake, kid.”

Regulus recognized the voice. Hell, how could he not? He had heard the voice every day for the last few years. He’d grown up with it.

“Coach.” He greeted the man with a sigh as he opened his unwilling eyes. Blinking, he found himself in the camper. It was strange, now it was icily cold inside. It had never been. Not literally, after all. There was a certain hollowness in the air, even. It wasn’t the same without James.

James.

What would he think?

Where was he? With Remus and Sirius still? Was he worried?

Regulus’ head pounded even more.

“I had someone check out the wound,” Kreacher told him softly, his eyes scanning Regulus’ expression. “It’ll heal.”

“Okay.” Regulus did not know what to say. He wanted to go to James – and to Remus and Sirius. He wanted to get out of this place. He thought he had. He hoped to never be between these walls again. He loathed being here.

Kreacher added, “You’ll be able to begin skating again within no time.”

Hearing this, Regulus felt a violent stab in his abdomen. It was fear and shock. It was everything together attacking him all at the same time. His eyes shot up to Kreacher’s. “What?”

“I get that you wanted to party a little after the win,” Kreacher spoke calmly, “but we can’t let a hangover ruin your schedule.”

Regulus let out an empty bark of laughter. “You think that was what I was doing?” He let his head fall backward, though regretted it when he felt the sting at the back of his head.

“You were at a club, drunk. Yes, I do.” Regulus was ready to argue, had parted his lips already, but was cut off before any sound could roll of his tongue. “Your parents were furious, of course. But they recoiled when I told them I had a short rest planned for you, anyway.

“Naturally, they won’t want this rest to stretch out too long. So, we’ll begin tomorrow morning.” The man moved himself toward the door, and Regulus pulled himself up with a saddened look in his eyes. “Try to get yourself together, yeah?” Kreacher sounded… worried, perhaps. But there was a fair warning planted in his words, too.

Still, Regulus wouldn’t. Never again.

“I won’t do shit,” he growled. Finally, he trusted his feet enough to carry his weight again; he stood up, though clumsily. For a few seconds, everything spun around him, as if he’d gotten a whiplash, too.

“Black,” Kreacher began, “It’s a hangover. Nothing serious. You’re fine to go on the ice again.”

Regulus looked at him. “It’s not that, coach. I just-I can’t do this anymore.” They were honest words. it was the first time Kreacher heard them – from Regulus. He’d never quite dared to say them out loud in the presence of his coach nor had Kreacher ever discussed the rumours about wanting to quit with him. Maybe it’d been to painful. Maybe Kreacher expected they were full of shit. But now, Regulus was finally telling his coach the truth. The man deserved at least that.

“You don’t want to.” It was a statement as much as it was a correction. “It’s okay to feel this way, but don’t let it ruin everything we’ve worked so hard for.”

“I both don’t want to and I can’t anymore,” Regulus told him, casting his eyes at the ground. “I don’t like skating as much as I used to, coach. I used to love it. I didn’t want to do anything else, but now… I hate having to spend my time doing nothing but training. I want to do other things. I want to read and travel – I don’t know. I want to live. And I can’t, because my body hurts too much. It’s just as done as I am.” His chest heaved; His breathing was going crazy at this point.

His coach looked at him in silence. For a moment, coach and pupil stood there, thinking, waiting… “You really want to quit, Black?” Kreacher asked him as he rubbed his chin. It wasn’t an accusation. His words didn’t have any cruelness to them. Kreacher wasn’t like his parents.

Right?

“I do, yeah,” Regulus admitted, shrugging up his shoulders. “After the competition, I went to my parents and told them. They obviously didn’t let me. That’s why I left – and that’s why they had men take me right back to this place, as if I’m a mere child that has to be leashed.”

Kreacher his eyes unfocused for a moment. It dawned upon him that things were changing. They had been for quite a while – and it was so clear – but he hadn’t wanted to realize. He hadn’t want to accept it. But now, with Regulus before him, he knew the matter couldn’t be shoved to the side again. A top sporter shouldn’t be forced into ruining their body and their other existing dreams. His pupil deserved more than that.

“I’ve seen you grow up, Black,” he spoke. “You’re no child anymore. You’re a man, and you should be treated as such.”

There was a sad haze dawning over Regulus fragile expression as he said, “I’m only a way to fame to them.”

“We both know you’re so much more than what they see in you.” His coach paused. His lips formed a thin line as his hand slid over his rough cheek. “I’ll do it.”

Regulus cocked his head to the side. “Do what?”

“I’ll send out the news that you’re officially retiring and that you will enjoy your well-deserved peace.”

Regulus gawked at the man before him as he possessed the weight of the words. Never had his coach really spoken about the retirement-factor. But now he had. And it was the first time Regulus felt the normally constant tension in his head lessen. He lifted his chin and smiled gently.

It was nice to imagine, but it was impossible. It seemed impossible.

“My parents. They-”

“They can’t harm me much, kid,” his coach cut him off. “They can try to begin playing a game with lawyers, but you’re the star. If you want to quit, they can’t do anything about it.”

“They’re powerful,” Regulus argued.

“They?” Kreacher raised a brow, visibly amused by the weak argument. A laugh escaped his lips. “Do you know how much power you have?”

Regulus only blinked at him.

“You are the powerful one, Black. You’ve always been, but they’ve blinded you. Manipulated you.” His tone grew sharper. “It has to stop, and I think it’s about time for me to train some more newbies.”

“Newbies, huh?” Regulus his face softened. “Make sure no one becomes better than me.”

Kreacher laughed again. “As if. Plus, it’s close to impossible, I’m sure.”

“Good.” Regulus nodded. His coach grabbed for something in his jacket’s pocket – a set of car keys, it seemed. Regulus eyed them, curious.

“Now, get in my car.” The door of the camper got thrown open. A gust of wind found its way inside immediately, and Regulus breathed in the freshness of it. “Let’s go for a ride.”

Regulus his lips curled into a content smile. He was finally going to get his deserved taste of freedom.

It was nice to talk about the endless possibilities of Regulus’ future during the ride. They drove for what felt like eternity, but it was fun. It wasn’t anything like the trainings. They were simply two comrades, rambling about whatever what came on their mind.

It felt like a sort of goodbye.

“Where can I drop you of, kid?” Kreacher asked him. Regulus turned to his coach, looked at him. He knew everything was finite. All would end, at some point. His training. The competitions. This, too.  He only hoped the man wouldn’t forget him, ever.

The sessions had been cruel sometimes, yes. He’d hated to even as much glance at Kreacher from time to time. But he was still his coach. Regulus looked up at him. Always will.

Regulus recited an address – one a good walk away from Remus’ apartment. Even if this was Kreacher, he couldn’t lead anyone to the apartment. So, a good several kilometres away from there it was.

“All righty,” Kreacher said as he began typing the street name.

Regulus blinked at him. “Wait,” he spoke. “Is it okay if we take a detour first? I sort of need to look at something first.” He did. He’d planned to sneak off somewhere particular, a spot he had yet to share with the trio who was, presumably, searching for him as of right now. Then, he admitted, “And I rather like this.”

“Good for me, Black. Good for me.” His coach’s lips curled upwards. “And same.”

❄

The smell of freshly baked cinnamon rolls filled Regulus with a content feeling. He watched Kreacher’s car disappear around the corner from behind the coffeeshop’s window. The place wasn’t too crowded. It was rather nice, actually. Some students were chatting and attempting to finish an assignment, though failing to do so because of all the gossip they’re sharing with each other. There was an elderly lady who ordered a chocolate muffin, her dog patiently waiting outside.

Regulus allowed his body to fall into the seat its cushion. He felt his limbs relax. He hated to have gone back to the camper and vowed he would never do so again – for real this time; he’d make sure of it.

He had retrieved exactly four drinks: one for his brother; one for Lupin; one for James, of course; and one for himself. He’d called them with one of the barely functioning payphones. He’d been fortunate enough to find one, call James, and wait until the group showed up. He wasn’t planning on leading anyone toward the apartment. It was still too risky at the moment.

He wished he had one of his books with him, though he was also fond of watching strangers go on about their lives. He listened to the gossip still being shared, he nodded his head kindly to the elderly woman who was heading out now. He liked it all. And for the very first time, he could like it. He could spend his life watching others, reading and drinking cups of tea. He could find peace again.

He spotted James first, Remus and Sirius right behind him. They practically ran inside the coffeeshop, earning more glares than one. James apologized quickly with reddened cheeks. It was an adorable sight. It made Regulus laugh, something he hadn’t been able to do enough these last few years. Hearing the sound of it, Sirius turned and locked eyes with his younger brother. Remus followed his gaze and smiled, relieved, when he found Regulus sitting in the corner by the window. “Prongs,” he told his worried friend who frantically searched all tables one by one. “He’s right there.”

With wide eyes, James turned and broke into a run once again to find his way toward Regulus. He threw his arms open and sprinted toward the skater. It was a warm, relieved embrace. It meant very much to Regulus, but most of all, it meant home. Regulus chuckled as he watched James, who’d already crawled right onto his lap. James pulled back and stared right back at Regulus. His curls were a clear mess – and the stitched wound at the back of Regulus his neck!

“Where. Were. You?”

His fingers traced over the wound, making Regulus wince. “Sorry,” James apologized in a gentle whisper. “Oh, what happened to you, Reg? Who did this?”

"You’re hurt?” Sirius pressed, his expression already transforming. Disdain crawled onto it. “Was it our parents?” Remus placed a soft hand of his onto the fists Sirius was already balling.

“Yeah,” Regulus told him. “It was. Or at least people who work for them, anyway.”

“Should we call Wormtail?” Remus seated himself opposite of the two embracing each other in the seat. Sirius slumped into a chair beside him.

Remembering this Wormtail well, Regulus shook his head. “It’s been looked at already. It’ll be fine.”

“What,” Sirius breathed, “happened?”

“They took me yesterday –  at least, I think it was yesterday. I don’t know how long I was kept unconscious there.”

James his softly shaking palm rested on Regulus’ jaw. “It’s been almost two days, Reg. You’ve been gone for almost two entire days.” His other hand crawled underneath Regulus’ sweater, feeling the warmth of his skin for reassurance that it was, indeed, true; Regulus had returned. He was back with James.

“Two days,” Regulus whispered. He’d thought it’d been only a night, maybe. He certainly hadn’t expected this. He shook his head, forcing the thought away. “Well, um, Kreacher and I talked.”

“Kreacher who?” Remus raised a questioning brow.

“His coach,” Sirius and James replied at the exact same time. They grinned at each other.

“I explained everything, and he understood.” Regulus his lips trembled. “And he accepted that it was time to end my career and that he could begin a new part of his own.”

James pressed his nose into the crook of Regulus neck. He never wanted to leave his side ever again. “That’s good.” He smiled against Regulus’ skin.

“James, we’re in public, you know,” Regulus brought up, though he was as euphoric as James was. He felt the fingers draw patterns onto his stomach and the nose brush his cheek. He’d missed James his touch, even asleep.

“I missed you.” James pouted at Regulus. “I was worried.”

Regulus smiled and pressed his lips to James’ forehead. “I’m here now.”

Sirius cleared his throat, causing the two to turn to him. “Are our parents just letting you go, then?” His forehead crinkled.

Regulus could snort hearing these words in one sentence. “No. Of course not. I’ll hear from them again, I’m sure.” Regulus nodded his head, and his face tightened again. “Kreacher told me he’d take care of it.”

“And you think he’ll succeed?” Remus asked.

“I’m the skater.” Regulus shrugged. “Hell, I’m an adult. If I want to retire, I can. God.” He clenched his jaw. The fight surged through him. He had Black blood, after all. He knew what he wanted – freedom – and now he was so close to getting it. He wasn’t going to let anyone take it again.

Remus glanced at the drinks, making Regulus smile again. He gestured for Remus to take his. “Hot chocolate for you, Lupin,” he said. “Go ahead.”

“Thanks.” Remus returned a smile. “I think you’ll win, by the way.” Regulus cocked his head to the side. “Skater’s voice goes above all. You shouldn’t ruin your mind nor your body. You’ve already broken so many records. You’re it, Black. Everyone will listen to you.” The words were like a wave of calmness colliding with the war inside of Regulus’ mind.

“Remus,” he began, “can I ask you something?” Curious, Remus waited patiently. “Can I use your car in a few weeks?”

“Of course.” Regulus smiled warmly, feeling all the pieces of his life’s puzzle fall together. Finally. Everything was going to be okay.

Chapter Text

The blanket of white clouds was breaking apart, revealing one of the bluest skies Regulus had ever seen. He gazed at it as his hands turned the steering wheel of Remus’ car. He wasn’t alone in the vehicle. In fact, James was right beside him and Remus and Sirius were in the back. They, too, were curiously peering outside of the windows since none of them knew were, exactly, they were heading. Only Regulus did.

The English countryside had many secrets, and while Regulus wanted to unravel them all, he could only concentrate on the hand resting upon his thigh. His gaze flickered to James for a second, whose eyes were already upon him, and Regulus’ lips twitched. He never wanted the drive to end.

“What are you looking at, James?” he happily mused.

“You,” James immediately replied, allowing his fingers to crawl a little higher on Reg’s leg. “Duh.”

“Duh,” Regulus replied, smiling.

“The colour is returning to your face, did you know that?” James brought up.

“I didn’t.”

“It is,” James told him. “You look happier.”

Regulus nodded as he took a turn. “I am happier.” Fields stretched out miles before them. Greenness was returning to the land. It was a gorgeous sight to see. It felt like a heaven created specifically for him. His heart swelled at the sight of it all. There weren’t any other cars to pass. There weren’t any busses’ pipes screeching, ruining one’s hearing. It was peaceful here – and that’s exactly what Regulus wanted. He needed to embrace his freedom entirely. What better way to do it than bringing the trio to his happy place and surprise them with something extra?

“Me too,” James said softly.

Regulus raised a brow, amused. “Weren’t you happy as my assistant? Wasn’t the pay good enough, James Potter?”

James cocked his head to the side, his face flushed. “I meant I’m happy you’re happy, you idiot!” He jokingly slapped Regulus on the shoulder, laughing.

“Remus,” Sirius cried oud as his face rested in his hands, “these lovebirds are simply too adorable. I can’t.” Remus chuckled in response, smiling gently.

There it was, in the distance. Regulus could see it – the others, too, though they didn’t yet realize how important the house before their eyes was. The car found its way through the tiny road easily, and Regulus made it come to a slow halt before the gravel path.

“Why did we stop?” Remus asked as a frown came onto his forehead. “My car didn’t give up on us, did it?”

“No. No, it didn’t.” Regulus shook his head in a reassuring way. For a moment he only breathed in and out. Then, looked at the building to the right of them. It was a house with brownish bricks typical for the countryside. He gazed at them before his eyes fell upon the soft reddish roof. Trees surrounded it, as he’d seen a week before. Ivy had curled around one wall of the house, like in a fairy-tale. Not very English-like were the French windows with brown shutters. Regulus had loved the windows and the shutters before and loved them now, as they reminded him of his brother.

As if on cue, Sirius asked, “Where are we?”

Regulus looked at the three with a content expression upon his face. “This house…” He trailed off as he again turned to stare at the building with included meadows around it. “My retirement. I want it to be here.”

“You bought yourself a goddamn house?” Sirius blurted out. “Without informing us?”

“I’m informing you now,” Regulus said. He opened the car door and stepped out. Then, leaned onto the top of the car, feeling the sun radiating, as if welcoming him to his new home. James did the exact same, though he only blinked a little longer because of the suddenness of it all.

Regulus found his way next to him and brushed his arm against James’. “There’s a rink not far away; I might teach some kids how to skate. And there’s a nice lake on the property, so during cold winters, I’ll be able to skate here.”

“Reg,” James breathed. “I’m very happy for you.”

“Yeah, well, here’s where you come in, really,” Regulus said slowly. He traced James his face for any sign of dislike or hesitation. But the surprise still took over James’ expression. There was nothing else to read. “The house is rather big, so if you ever want to visit, and you know, maybe stay for a little while – or longer – I wouldn’t mind, of course.” James laughed at Regulus being a rambling mess. “Or always. I wouldn’t complain, honestly. I’d love it if you lived here with me-”

“God, Reg,” he began, “I’d like that.”

Instantly, Regulus let out a sigh, relief washing over him. Then, he turned to the other couple admiring the house. Remus and Sirius had gotten themselves out of the car, too. Regulus said, “There’s a huge stable I can get renovated. We might be able to make it a nice little place for when you guys want to come by, too.”

Sirius scrunched up his nose as he watched the blueness of the sky being met with a set of dark clouds already. “When I’m on a holiday, I’ll be going to the sun, thank you very much.”

Remus, on the other hand, smiled and nodded. “That’d be cool, Regulus.”

“But how on earth did you buy this?” James questioned.

“Please,” Regulus deadpanned, “I’ve won more competitions than you can imagine and I’m-”

“A gold-medallist,” James finished the sentence for him. “Yup, I know by now,” he teased. Regulus nudged him into the side, but James simply curled his arms around the skater. He smiled down at him, feeling the warmth of Regulus’ body and embraced it.

“Let’s just say I had more than enough to buy this place.”

“But when? You were with us ever since you got back from your coach,” Remus asked.

“When Kreacher got me out, I asked him to drive us here first,” Regulus explained. “I’d seen this house when I went to a competition at the rink here some time ago. I adored it – and the moment I realized I was free, I knew that I had to do everything in my power to get this place.”

He turned to James again and intertwined his fingers with James’. The gesture felt hopeful and euphoric. It was freedom electrifying them. “Come with me?”

James nodded without hesitation. He followed behind Regulus Black, leaving the other two behind them, with the car. The countryside air filled their lungs as they made their way toward the tall front door of the house. Regulus conjured a key out of his pocket, one he’d been guarding for a week already. He admired the tiny piece of metal. Then, he gently placed the object in James’ hand. “Go on,” he pushed James. “Open it.”

“Me?” James asked. “But it’s your house!”

“It’s ours if you want,” Regulus told him.

James swallowed. “Thank you.” He slowly, carefully slid the key in and turned once. Twice. The moment the door opened and the sunlight brightened the entrance up, Regulus felt like his war was over. He’d fought for so many years. He’d given everything, and finally, he had the possibility of happiness gifted to him. There weren’t competitions anymore, no pressure. Just James and him – and their cosy house on the English countryside. It was what he had dreamed for his entire life, though he hadn’t known it yet. He hadn’t know it would be James Potter being with him when he retired. He hadn’t known he’d ever be in the company of his long lost brother again. And he hadn’t dared to think of calling Remus Lupin a friend – because that he was: a friend. Regulus had found his happy place. And even if he hadn’t been able to score this property, he would have been quite fine and happy with these people. They were his home now, too.

Regulus lead James through a door to the right. There was the kitchen with green tints. It wasn’t too old, though not too modern, either. Regulus loved the serenity of it. It was so, so perfect – all of it.

He was so excited that he hadn’t noticed James, who leant against the counter, staring at him. Regulus grinned while finding his way between James his legs. James immediately let his hands dig through Regulus his curls as he returned a knowing grin. Then, their lips connected hastily and hungrily. The kiss tasted of newness and hope and excitement. Regulus his hands refused to stop exploring James’ body.

“Will I get this treatment in every room of the house?” James smirked at him.

“We have all the time in the world.” Regulus his hand slid over James’ groin.             

“We do. I’d be honoured to inaugurate each and every spot of this house with you.” James his mouth found the exact spot on Regulus his neck where he knew Regulus would go crazy. His lips planted themselves there, and-

“James,” Regulus spoke as his breath left his lungs, feeling absolutely enthralled by James Potter.

“Don’t you want to?” James asked him as he continued sucking the soft skin right there.

“Very much.” Regulus breathed heavily. “But I’d like to show you something first…”

“Now?” James pouted against Regulus’ neck, letting his tongue slip over the spot once more.

“Right now,” Regulus said, making James groan. Regulus pressed a kiss on James’ cheek as a promise. “Otherwise you would make me forget before I can show you it.”

James his finger slid over Regulus his jaw. “Hell, yes, I would.”

“Exactly.” Regulus moved deeper into the house, James right behind him, and he pauses when he comes to stand before another door. He glances cheekily at James before throwing it right open. The opening reveals a lake before them, in the garden at the back of the house. The water glisters with the sun shining down at it. It’s huge – and would indeed be perfect for Regulus to skate on it during winters, if the cold would allow him to.

But that wasn’t was what Regulus wanted to show James.

Instead, he crouched down and took a heavy bag into his arms. James took it into his own and looked at it. “What is it?”

“Open it,” Regulus told him, smiling widely.

James did. His hand slid into the bag, coming into contact with now familiar objects. “You’re kidding me!” The bag fell onto the floor, but James held the set of ice skates close to him. He gazed down at them.

“You can now prove it were the skates causing you to skate horribly,” Regulus told him.

James let out a bark of laughter. Then admits, “Well, it might’ve been me.”

“You don’t say,” Regulus deadpanned, rolling his eyes, though smiling meanwhile.

“But I can train now,” James eagerly pointed out. His eyes fell upon a tiny sticker glued to the side of one of his new skates. It was a sparkling deer.

“And I’ll help.”

“That sounds nice,” James said.

“And maybe a little crazy,” Regulus added with a smirk upon his face as he used James words from some time before.

“Good thing I like crazy.” James winked at him. Then, he carefully put the skates back into their bag.

“I can tell by the way you fly through your nonfiction books.”

James eyed him. “Okay, that doesn’t count. It isn’t crazy I like to read books about the economy and stuff.”

“Right, James.” Regulus laughed softly before pulling James closer to him again and kissing him, which he planned to do many times more here, at home. Their home. James deepened the kiss and forgot all about his nonfiction books or the other two waiting for them on the other side of the house. He forgot everything but Regulus Black before him, kissing him.

“I love you, James,” Regulus breathed as he stared at the clearest and most beautiful pair of eyes he’d ever seen. James looked at him with parted lips and reddened cheeks.

“My chest’s exploding. Argh!” He hid the redness taking over his face in Regulus’ chest, making Regulus laugh once more. It was a beautiful sound, and James wanted it to never stop. He’d do everything to make Regulus laugh again and again. God, he’d fallen so hard.

He looked up again, Regulus his face already being so close to his. “Say it again, please.”

 “Sorry.” Regulus shrugged not so innocently. “Wouldn’t want you to get a heart attack – with your chest almost exploding and all.”

James chuckled. “Too bad. You have to.”

"Why would I have to?” Regulus asked him as he softly tilted his head to the side.

“Because I’m also so in love with you, Reg,” James admitted.

Regulus his lips twitched as he heard this. “I know,” he teased. “Now let’s inaugurate all the rooms of our house.”

“Let’s.”

They do, and the two take their time, loving the other.

Always.