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At the end of the day, Javier doesn't have to think hard when he says the words, "I think I'm in love with you."
Lloyd's wide eyes and slowly falling jaw are amusing, if anything. Gives him an incentive to continue. "I'm pretty sure I have been, for a while now."
"Are you for real?" Lloyd interrupts, looking from Javier's face, to the air right next to his face then back in rapid succession. "Is this actually happening?!"
He stifles a smile. "Am I confessing to you for real? Hard to imagine, but yes."
Lloyd scowls, in a way that really just makes his face adorable. "Jerk." He waves his hand. "There's no way that you-"
***
The moon is high in the sky, and the night is silent when the words just tumble out of Javier. "I think I'm in love with you."
Lloyd turns to him so fast, for a second he worries about the noble getting whiplash. "...what?" he breathes out.
"I'm pretty sure I have been, for a while now" Javier goes on, unbothered. He smiles. "It'd be hard not to, when you are…" He gestures at Lloyd. "So you."
Lloyd blinks at him, then at the empty air beside his head. Blinks in bewilderment some more.
Then, "Sorry, what? You used to hate me."
"I used to hate the person you were before." Javier corrects. "I do not hate you. Lloyd Frontera – the original one – I admit, I still hold only contempt for. But I have fallen in love with you."
Lloyd's eyes are blown wide open in a familiar panic; the one he exhibits every time Javier brings up his theory. He grips his shovel with both hands, mouth already opening to form denial-
***
Javier has a relaxed hand on his sword, as he watches his master walk, shovel thrown over his shoulders. "I think I'm in love with you."
Lloyd stumbles, and Javier is there to catch him. "What the fuck" Lloyd whispers, right into his face. "Am I having some weird dè ja vu right now?"
Javier contemplates letting the noble stand, but since he is apparently confessing, keeping Lloyd in his arms doesn't seem like such a bad idea, based on all the romantic scenarios he has seen other people exhibit a liking toward…
Still, Lloyd eradicates himself from his arms. "What the hell," he continues muttering, then suddenly stares up at Javier. "...go on."
Javier, having aimlessly stood there, straightens once more. He thinks back to what he wanted to say after the initial confession. "I'm pretty sure I have been, for a while now."
"The same thing," Lloyd mutters, staring at an empty spot beside Javier. "Why is he-"
"Lloyd?" Javier asks. His master is clearly agitated and that puts him on guard as well, falling back into their usual dynamics. "What's wron-"
***
They are performing a routine inspection, Lloyd has said. Javier is unsure why said routine inspection needs to be carried out in the middle of the night, but he has come to trust this man, and besides, the atmosphere is pretty nice. It prompts him to say, "I think I'm in love with you."
Lloyd stops walking.
He doesn't turn around.
"I'm pretty sure I have been, for a while now" Javier says, and somehow, Lloyd echoes his words. The knight blinks in confusion. "...Lloyd?"
"This is a loop. It has to be" Lloyd mutters, not even turning back. "What other literary device could this be? But how did it get activated and why is it so concentrated-"
"What loop?" Javier asks, striding over to stand in front of his master. "Lloyd?"
Lloyd's eyes are clouded over, thoughts spilling out a mile a second, Javier can't make heads or tails of it. "How can I help?" He asks forcefully, when there is a lull.
Lloyd's face clears all of a sudden, lighting up. "Jav-"
***
Javier used to wonder about romance and love, unable to comprehend why so many people thrived for a partner. He had the Frontera couple as a good example of what love should look like; he knew that it took time and effort to build such a relationship. And he knows of no better builder than Lloyd Frontera, so really, the confession comes easily, "I think I'm in love with you."
"Javier!" Lloyd calls loudly, spinning on his heel. He does it so fast, he almost falls over and Javier barely rights him in time, putting his hands around the noble's waist. Somehow, that means that Lloyd's own hands land on his shoulders and that their faces are very close now.
When Lloyd opens his mouth to speak, Javier expects a lot of things. He doesn't expect Lloyd to say, "We're stuck in a time loop!"
"A what."
"A time loop! Time keeps replaying over and over again, from the moment you decide to start confessing" Lloyd explains hurriedly. He doesn't seem to mind that they are so close together, that Javier has yet to let him go. Or maybe he just hasn't noticed, absolved in his theory as always. "Can't you feel it with your mana powers?"
Javier reaches out, surveying the area, but, "No."
Lloyd deflates a bit. "So it might not be human magic at play here…"
Javier debates on whether to take Lloyd for face value or not. This 'time loop' thing sounds a bit like his usual distraction schemes…
"But then what is it? And why does it keep resetting?"
Javier comes to a decision: this must be Lloyd's way of trying to gently let him down. (If only Lloyd actually let him go while his affections were being turned down.) He opens his mouth to speak-
***
Javier barely even thinks of what he wants to say, when Lloyd suddenly turns back to him. "'I think I'm in love with you.'" He says, as if taking the words straight out of Javier's mouth. The knight's breath hitches. "That's what you were going to say just now, wasn't it?"
Javier feels something heavy settle in his chest. "How did you know that?"
"We're stuck in a time loop – time keeps replaying these past few minutes" Lloyd explains impatiently. "But I can't for the life of me figure out why it keeps resetting and the messenger is useless as always-"
His confession is being ruined by time itself. Javier can't find it in himself to be angry.
Yet, as Lloyd grumbles on about a messenger and some heavenly wrath, he can't help but feel like he is sinking; his feelings are clearly only a burden to Lloyd-
***
"WHY DID WE GET RESET AGAIN?!"
The words he was about to say are swallowed with his next breath.
"You've startled some birds," Javier points out, watching the flock of frightened animals flee from their vicinity. Lloyd doesn't seem to care; fuming, as he throws his shovel on the ground.
"I can't fucking figure it out – what's causing the reset? Messenger, get your shit together! You're supposed to be omnipotent, aren't you?!"
"Who is this messenger you are shouting at?" Javier inquires drily. He can't help but place a hand on his sword. Lloyd going berserk out of the blue like this is just a bit out of character…
"Well I don't fucking know either! Ask that almighty someone who sent me here then!" No answer to Javier, just wildly gesticulating to thin air… It's like he is communicating with someone, Javier notes. His heart drops; who could Lloyd be talking with…?
"What do you mean I should be paying attention to Javier, I'm trying to save him!"
Javier stays where he is. How ironic that Lloyd is the one trying to save him…
***
Javier simply says, "I think I'm in love with you," and Lloyd groans so loudly, it's a rejection in and of itself.
The knight knows when to take a hint.
***
"What the- We barely spent a few seconds in the last one!"
Javier swallows back the words that want to come out. Instead, he lets himself marvel at Lloyd's figure, bathed in the moonlight, muttering something that only makes sense to him. (As long as it's not the lullaby, Javier will leave him to it.)
"Why did we spend so little time- Wait a second."
The noble spins around, pointing at Javier. "You are not traveling along with me" he states.
Javier thinks, dumbass, somewhat fondly. "How could I not be traveling with you?" They are literally walking together.
"If you did, you wouldn't keep repeating the same lines," Lloyd declares.
Javier has no idea what he is talking about, but he has long since grown accustomed to Lloyd Frontera's oddities.
"Lines?" He repeats instead. "Do you believe me to be some character in a novel?"
Lloyd pulls a weird face at that. Then mutters, "You're repeating the same thing, that's what starts the loop every single time…"
"What loop?" Javier asks, but is ignored.
"Pay attention to Javier… But I am paying attention to him! When am I not?!" The sudden declaration warms something in the knight. Lloyd, in his own words, is always paying attention to him.
Maybe he should just come out and say his bit…
"I think I'm in love with you."
Lloyd stares at him nodding. "Yeah, the same damn thing – like a script, next you'll say, 'I'm pretty sure I have been, for a while now' and the reset always happens a bit after…"
Javier scowls. "How did you know what I was gonna say?"
"I've lived this scenario at least half a dozen times by now" Lloyd replies absentmindedly. "But you don't always get to say even the second line, because-" He suddenly stills. "Javier. Continue whatever you were trying to say."
"...why?" It's a stupid attempt to stall, but stall he will. Lloyd usually never explains his plans to him; maybe Javier can get a little more insight this time…
"I have a theory and I want to test it."
Javier nods slowly. "...right." Very unhelpful explanation, as usual. Still, he tries to think of what he wanted to say, deep down, for a while now.
"It'd be hard not to, when you are… So you."
Lloyd has his thinking face on. "I think I heard that one before…" Then he blinks and seems more aware of Javier than ever. "But you hate me, don't you?" He asks, voice growing small.
"I do not hate you," Javier denies, shaking his head. "Lloyd Frontera – the original one – I admit, I still hold only contempt for. But I have fallen in love with you."
"Yup, definitely heard this one before."
Javier glares. "Shut up." If he is to be confessing, he wants to do it properly. Without these interruptions.
Lloyd sticks his tongue out in a very childish manner, and Javier can't help but smile. Okay, maybe these interruptions are too much of a Lloyd thing, he admits to himself.
"I have fallen in love with you, because, if one can spend enough time with you, you're very easy to fall in love with," he continues smoothly and is awarded by a gasp and Lloyd glancing away. His cheeks are slowly growing red.
"That's new" comes the quiet comment.
Pride bubbles up in Javier. See, I managed to surprise you, he thinks. You, who always seem to plan for everything in a matter of seconds.
"Your charisma, your innovative mind, your caring for other people-"
"I don't care for other people!" Lloyd protests.
Javier gives him a flat look. "The ant nest in the mines."
"That was purely for personal gain-"
"You did manage to turn the situation to your advantage," Javier has to admit. "But then there is Cremo-"
Lloyd makes a noise like he wants to say something, but falters.
"-the Maritz Wetlands, near everything in Magentano…" Javier considers the noble for a moment. "I might not always agree with the method you're using, but it's plain to see that good deeds follow your path."
"I'll have you know, they are very selfish good deeds!"
Javier smirks. "Oh, please."
"I am a very selfish person! I only care about money and my-"
"'Sweet-sweet retirement'" they finish together. Lloyd looks put out by this, quieting. "You're lying about that," Javier states simply. "I don't know why, but you are."
"Am not-"
"You care so much about all the people of the barony." Javier's smile turns gentle. He knows the same devotion, after all. "You want them all to live and work happily, safely…"
"Happy workers are prone to working better, that's a psychologically proven fact" Lloyd butts in. "And what kind of a boss would I be if I didn't put safety first?! That doesn't make me a good person though!"
"You care for the Baron and the Baroness, even though they are not your real parents."
No comment on that one. Javier hesitates for a moment, feeling like he is on hostile territory.
"...you care for me" he says, barely above a whisper.
Lloyd still hears.
His head whips to meet Javier's eyes, blinking in surprise. When he speaks, it's one of his custom answers. "Of course I do! Who would protect me if you didn't!"
Javier holds out a hand, and after a moment of hesitation and shooting a 'is this a trap? It better not be' look at him, Lloyd accepts. "I can hear it in the way you scream my name when I rush into danger for you." Lloyd's breath catches, his cheeks glowing pink. "I can feel it in your smile when you tell me one of your lullabies. I know it's there when you ask me to come with you, wherever you may go."
"That's kinda your job" Lloyd mutters.
"It is," he agrees. "But I've been following you for you, for a long time now."
Lloyd can't really say anything to that. Javier enjoys the sight of him opening his mouth to speak… then closing it. He repeats it a few times.
It's honestly adorable, especially from the man whose expressions sometimes put the devil's to shame.
"I do not know if your care for me could ever translate to love," Javier continues, although, sometimes, when Lloyd looks at him, or makes a random comment, he can't help but wonder… "But my care for you is love. I love you, Lloyd Frontera."
Words he never expected to say, and yet… They ring true.
Lloyd purses his lips. Then, almost inaudibly… "Kim Suho."
Javier only hears it because of his enhanced senses. "Excuse me?"
"Kim Suho." The noble stares up at him, a familiar determination igniting in his gaze. "That's my name."
Javier is the one softly gasping this time. "Kim Suho…" he repeats, reverently. After all this time… Kim Suho, his mind, his heart, his soul sings.
Lloy- Kim flushes. "Why are you saying it… like that?"
Javier smiles, even as he deadpans, "I just confessed to you, Kim, and you have to ask?"
The flush increases. "Call me Suho. Kim is my family name." Oh, interesting, Javier thinks. His real name is similar to one of the countries I read about… Could he be originally from there?
"Suho," he says, outright grinning when Suho's face grows an even darker shade of red. "I love you, Suho."
Suho makes a noise of distress and Javier laughs. It's so freeing, being trusted with that name. His real name.
It is a risk, a leap of faith from Suho's part – just as Javier's confession was. It's trust, offered because of Javier's confession.
"How can you just say that," Suho mumbles. "For all you know, I could be a demon from hell possessing Lloyd Frontera's body."
Javier hums, still smirking. "With the faces you sometimes make, I wouldn't rule out the possibility."
"Hey!" Suho looks at him in annoyance, and tries to draw his hand away.
Javier, on a whim, spins him into an embrace. Suho's back is to him, and he whispers into the other man's ear, "But you care. And I love you." Since he first said it, it's been easier and easier to say the words. It's intoxicating, being able to tell L- Suho how he really feels, to let the bundle of emotions in his chest out like this… Javier feels drunk with joy.
And yet… "Is this okay?" He asks, arms hovering around Suho. The other man has become breathless when Javier half-hugged him from behind. And has yet to say anything.
Doubts starts to creep into his head. "I am aware 'care' for someone does not equal love-" the knight begins, as Suho moves.
Moves to turn around, hook his arms around Javier's neck, until they are close, face to face. His breaths tickle Javier's nose. "Stay," comes the simple command, and the knight's resolve strengthens. He doesn't want to push me away, Javier notes. Suho wants me to stay.
Suho, who, currently, is making one of his weird faces. It's one of the planning ones, based on the determination in his gaze, and Javier waits patiently for him to think, resting his arms around Suho's waist.
He can feel Suho's heart and the manaheart around it beat to the same rhythm just a little bit away from his own. He is not surprised to find that Suho's and his rhythm is almost identical.
"Javier."
At long last, the knight thinks sarcastically. The small euphoria from before is back; rarely has he ever been so glad to be alive than with Suho around.
Suho exhales, then opens his mouth… Except nothing comes out. He tries again, irritation visibly rising. "I- You- This-" He groans, burrowing his head into Javier's shoulders.
"You don't have to say it back," Javier says, carefully. "Especially if it's not true – I won't resent you for it-"
A slap on the back of his head. "Will you shut it with the self-depricating crap? You usually have more self-worth, Javier!"
He can't help but smile at the outburst. There is the eloquent Suho he knows.
"And I want to say it" the engineer continues angrily. "The words just don't want to come out!"
He wants to say it.
"You deserve to hear it, and I deserve to fucking say it," Suho grumbles, still hiding in Javier's shoulder.
He wants to say it. He wants to say he loves me back.
The knight carefully raises Suho's chin so they can look each other in the eye. "You don't have to say it for me to know you mean it, Suho" he explains quietly. "Not all love is verbal."
"Still." Suho looks visibly pained. "I… You're my favorite," he bites out.
"Favorite." Javier savors the word and what it means. Favorite.
His heart beats with a renewed force; a rhythm of Suho's making.
Before he can say something sappy though, Suho is already talking. "Does this confession business come with any bonuses by the way? Like, very kissable lips, right over here… Currently lacking a lot in terms of kisses from a certain swordmaster…"
"Is that so?" Javier dips him in one, smooth move. Suho gasps in surprise, staring up at him with wide eyes. "That is a rather big problem… I shall rectify it right away."
The first kiss is very prim, and proper, and could fit onto the cover of a book. But when Suho brings him down for the second one, they thumble over each other in their haste to not knock their teeth, but still be together, it feels all the more real.
***
Javier is walking with his young master, his love, this time, not behind him. They are not holding hands (it seemed to be too much for Suho) but their shoulders keep bumping as they walk. It's familiar and new at the same time; because it's still them, but some truths are out. Javier won't deny that he feels easier for them.
Suho halts suddenly, his grip on his shovel slackening.
"The loop," he mutters. "We didn't get thrown back."
Javier watches him, also more alert. "Is that bad?"
Suho shakes his head. "No… But I don't understand. All the other loops had you confessing too, so why did it happen in the first place? Was someone purposefully messing with your confession?"
Javier, silently, tries to recall what loops are and what Suho means by 'his confessions'. Suho said something about living the same scenario multiple times, no? And then urged Javier to confess, even knowing some of the words himself…
"What happened the other times?" He asks. "What made the… loop begin again?" He hopes he is using the word correctly.
Suho stares ahead, thinking. "It was the same, with you confessing and me reacting – though after a while I just wanted to get out of the loop, so I kept on trying to figure out why things were happening…" He shoots a shrewd look at Javier. "It had something to do with you, that's for sure."
Javier debates the merits of asking him, but… Enough secrets shared for today, he thinks. He doesn't want Suho to lose his trust in him.
"But what? 'Pay attention to Javier', messenger said… But I did! Only after the loop started did I try to make sense of the situation!" Suho muttering out loud is a form of trust in and of itself. Javier can't help but watch in amusement at how he gestures around, pulls at his hair…
"Was your reaction the same each time?" He asks, absently. He managed to confess – and found his feelings returned. No 'loop' is going to bring him down.
"No of course no-" Suho halts, his body freezing up suddenly. Javier waits for the revelation to come. And it does. "...I kept on denying your feelings."
…not going to lie, Javier expected a lot, but not that.
"...you were doing what?" His stomach sinks. For a moment, he can't help but think, didn't you mean it, Suho…?
But of course he did, he corrects himself. He meant it, he's just a fucking idiot who denies happiness from himself for some reason. Javier knows Suho. Knows that he is prone to masking his real feelings and intentions when it comes to even the most mundane things. This shouldn't be a surprise.
And yet, it kind of is.
"Did this 'loop' keep on happening until you finally admitted you love me back?" He asks, glee filling his heart. I'm the luckiest person alive, if so. Some higher power really is looking out for me.
"Wha- No fucking way!" Suho shouts, enraged. "Are you fucking kidding me?" Javier snickers. "Fuck you and your dumbass protagonist abilities!" His face has grown red, both from the screaming and the embarrassment.
He's cute, Javier thinks, not even minding how Suho's face contorts to devilish images with all the yelling. He steps forward, smirking. "It turned out to be rather convenient for you, didn't it though?" He grabs Suho's hands, bringing the other closer.
Suho halts yelling immediately. "...maybe" he mumbles. "Still. What the fuck is wrong with these higher powers messing with my life?" Javier doesn't know what to say to that, but it seems like Suho is not expecting an answer. "Oi. Javier."
"Yeah?" Javier casually draws the other into a hug, relishing in the fact that he can do it in the first place.
"Kiss me again."
He smiles, teasing, "Should I really?"
"It's an order from your lord!" Suho insists. Javier hums, mockingly.
"Is that so?" He cups Suho's face.
"Yeah," Suho agrees, his breath ghosting the knight's nose. "Kiss me!" He demands again, smirking.
Javier rolls his eyes fondly. "But of course, my lord."
And so he does.