Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

(Certaminis enters through a portal, and looks around.)

Certaminis: …Hey, this isn’t a party! What the hell!?

Dusk, a being made of equal amounts of Light and Dark appears on a field

Dusk: Who the hell are these people? I was supposed to meet up with Shade and Lumina

Stellar, a Bat with the stars in her wings, suddenly appears sleeping upside down on… thin air. She hasn’t woken up yet.

Certaminis: …Well, no Hopper, so… *starts dancing* I’M NOT YO DADDY I’M YO GRANDPA!

Dusk: WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

Stellar wakes up.

Stellar: …what the- WHERE THE HELL AM I?!

Dusk: THAT’S WHAT I WANNA KNOW!

(BFDI Rocky comes through a portal)

BFDI Rocky: Alright, consider me signed up for… Whatever this is- some kind of job I think? I didn’t read the whole invitation.

Stellar: God damn it. I hate it when this happens.

Dusk: What is even happening now?

Certaminis: Ay, it’s the bell guy! 

Dusk: Did you just say bell guy?

Stellar: THE BELL GUY?!

Certaminis: Yes I did. What about it?

(DS also comes in through a portal)

DS: Alright. I’m here to chew gum, look at porn, and host shit, and I don’t fucking have gum.

Certaminis: My man! Up top!

(DS high-fives Certaminis)

BFDI Rocky: YOOO. My man! 

(DS attempts to high-five Rocky, but just ends up slapping him in the face ‘cuz of the no arms thing)

BFDI Rocky: Ow-

DS: Oops. Sorry about that.

Dusk:... I need a drink.

Stellar: …Do we even have anything in common?

Dusk: Do any of you hate triangles?

BFDI Rocky: Nah, don’t really see what there is to hate about some shape.

Certaminis: We all host shows! And if that triangle’s name is Hopper, then yes.

DS: I’m still hosting TWSGS. Also, I prefer octagons. It’s not like Hajime knows what those are.

BFDI Rocky: Host two shows at once coward.

DS: Bet. Also, octagons are the sexiest shape. Fight me.

A portal pops out to show Maverick

Maverick: Did Someone say triangles? (Triumphant music blasts on.) Yes, it is I, the most iconic voter in CECU history, the one and only Maverick!

DS: Well, shit.

Maverick: DS?! As in my great enemy who tries to take me down in the voting reasons for no reason?!

DS: …Yup.

Stellar: I don’t host shows… Anymore.

Dusk: I was supposed to but I ended up here. Also, I haven’t heard of a Hopper, but I have heard of a Her.

Certaminis: Oh yeah, the pronoun lady.

Maverick: Ah Her, another one of my greatest rivals. All you need to know is that she’s a bad host and is a prick who goes off on people when they have bad grammar.

Stellar: So what now? I’m bored.

Certaminis: IDK… Host a show together?

BFDI Rocky: Oh hell yeah, ROUND THREE BABY!

Maverick: Sure why not. Being the host of two shows will make me even more prominent!

Stellar: …Why the hell not? I’ll fire up my person summoner

Stellar pulls out a ray gun that has “Steal-a-tron” written on it.

Maverick: Wow. That’s a thing. It’s definitely not as incredible as mine though! Behold, the metal glove so powerful that it snapped half of the universe’s living beings once, the Infinity Gauntlet!

Maverick puts on the Infinity Gauntlet and snaps his fingers, snapping in three contestants behind him.

Behind Maverick were two ducks, one black with rarely much attire and one white in a sailor uniform, and a large gorilla, likely a Kong.

DS: Why the fuck not. But Rocky, don’t you need to contact your co-worker about this shit?

BFDI Rocky: Oh shit you’re right.

(Suddenly, BFDI Rocky has a phone.)

BFDI Rocky: Hello, yes. So what’s the verdict on hosting two shows at once? …What do you mean you don’t help with this, you’re my coworker! …No, I didn’t just choose a random number and go with it. I fully intended this. Now answer. …All good? Alright, awesome. They gave the ok! I’ll get Napstablook to host while I’m gone.

DS: I should probably contact Computer and Everybody about this.

(DS whips out a phone) 

DS: Yo. Computer. I’m taking a small leave. I need you to host. Oh. You can’t? Well, then have Ayano do it. She’s the first alphabetically. …Wait, no that’s Axol. But still, have her host. Baldi could co-host I guess. Alright, thanks. Tell Everybody not to look at my search history. Also, make sure Blake kisses Yang. Okay, thanks bye.

(DS hangs up)

Dusk: Sure why not? It could be fun, lemme just message Shade and tell him my situation

Meanwhile, in IC:Tsa

Shade:... “gets a message”... “messages back”.

Lumina: What was that about?

Shade: Dusk is gonna take a while to get here.

Lumina: Give or take?

Shade: A year.

Lumina:... WHA-

End of Meanwhile

(Certaminis pulls out a phone and starts to text Izuru.) Izuru, manage everything while I’m gone. Keep everyone alive. Thanks, your boss Certaminis. (He then puts his phone back.)

Stellar shows people her summoning gun.

Stellar: Anyone want a shot?

Dusk: Sure, fuck it

Certaminis: Ooh! Gimme gimme gimme!

Stellar: Take it if you want. Imma make a house or something.

Certaminis takes the gun, and uses it to summon a goat king, a white guy, and a teen made of pure antimatter. He then gives the gun to Dusk.

Certaminis: …On second thought, I could have just snapped my fingers to summon them here… Oh well!

Asgore Dreemurr: …Where am I?

Neil Cicierega: This ain’t the Wicke-Wicke Wild West…

Anti-Mia: Finally! A break from Eli!

Dusk ditches the gun and gives it back to Stellar, he then pulls out an Axe and cuts three holes in reality,out come a Man wearing armor and crown, a manchild with a rune on his forehead, and a teen girl who landed face first.

King Knight:... My first day of being pardoned and this happens…

Kaos: What treachery is this? Explain this at ONCE!

Lofi Girl: … What… is this?

Stellar: Thanks, but imma just-

Stellar makes the gun float in this air, before pulling out some scissors.

Stellar: Cutting reality is funnier anyways.

Dusk: Agreed sister

Stellar: Welp, guess I’m adopted now.

Stellar then cuts out three portals, which summon a tired woman with no sex appeal, a sentient cluster of yellow and white blocks, and a kid on a wheelchair.

Reagan: What the hell? God Damnit not another random rift.

Thirteen: Oh no! I got unlucky again!

Timmy: …Timmy?

Dusk: Better tell Shade about who and who not will be able to come here. Don’t wanna destroy another universe.

DS: Pfft. Amatuer. Try exploding reality.

DS takes out a fucking grenade and tosses it behind him. Not even bothering to look at the explosion like a fucking badass. Three portals open. One dropped a girl with a witch’s hat and cape, another dropped a blonde boy in armor, and the final one dropped a gray cat. Stellar claps at the scene, which looked weird because her arms were wings.

Himiko: Nyeh… Where am I?

Jaune: Huh. Whaddaya know. I DIDN’T die from falling into the void.

Tom just looks around, confused.

Himiko: Don’t tell me this is another killing game…

Jaune: Killing game?!

Himiko: …I don’t wanna talk about it…

BFDI Rocky: Oh shit, people are bringing in their contestants in cool ways. Well guess what? I’m gonna be lame!

A teenage girl with a pink sweater and a pillow just appear.

Staci: Eh? What’s this?

Pillow: Oh look, a fat David looking thing!

Staci: Rude!

Pillow: I just said what was true.

Staci: Oh- so what is this-

BFDI Rocky: Just chat and whatever, we’ll probably explain later. Emphasis on probably.

Staci: Oh! Well my Great Great Great Great-

Pillow hits Staci in the head, just smiling as she does it.

BFDI Rocky: Oh shit, waitt- everyone else is getting three people. Well in that case…

Suddenly, as if it were nothing, Arceus, the fucking POKEMON GOD THAT ONE appears.

BFDI Rocky: There we go!

Arceus lets out a cry that could be heard by everyone.

Himiko, Jaune, and Tom turn around and see Arceus.

Himiko: Cool…

Jaune: WHAT KIND OF GRIMM IS THAT?!

Tom’s eyes bulge out of his head. He screams.

King Knight, Kaos, and Lofi Girl, also turn towards the almighty God of Pokémon.

King Knight: SWEET MOTHER I WANT MY MOTHER!

Kaos: … is that a light goat?

Lofi Girl: Holy shit Pokémon real?!

Arceus: WHO HAS SUMMONED THE ALMIGHTY GO-

BFDI Rocky: Hi.

Arceus looks down to see BFDI Rocky, a purple bell much smaller than himself.

Arceus: …

BFDI Rocky: …

BFDI Rocky: You’re part of a competition now. Have fun.

Pillow pokes Arceus, who immediately turns to look at her.

Pillow: What?

Arceus: You just… Poked me. Without a second thought.

Pillow: Yes.

Arceus: …You are… An interesting creature. Oh, and forgive my outburst earlier. I was just… Caught off guard.

Yet another portal opens nearby. Out steps a tall squid with a clarinet, a sex-crazed maniac, and Quagmire ;).

Steel: I told myself to get up early to beat the portal traffic, and what do I do? Sleep in. All the bloody exposition’s probably done by now.

Squidward: Well at least me being here means I’m away from Spongebob for once…

Squidward experiences Vietnam flashbacks, it’s pretty intense

Quagmire: Giggity 

Quagmire runs off to check out the ladies

Steel: DAMMIT WE JUST GOT HERE QUAGMIRE!

Shavis: I appear to be late to you guys, but I was here earlier. Still, I don’t mind when you believe I was here. I kind of have all the time in the world as long as I negate it, and yes I was the one that sent the invitations, but I suppose that is old news now. My name is Shavis and yes we are going to have a competition.

Suddenly a black void starts tearing out in the middle of the group up in the air. Inside the void, two clear eyes show up and the void expands to drop by three contestants.

The three contestants that dropped from this void appear to be a young monochromatic boy that landed on his four red hands while he himself stood in the air before settling back down, an orange-haired girl in a green jacket with a pair of big black goggles that was caught by a triangular ufo with a tentacle coming out from it before settling her back down, and a green-haired prehistoric boy that just fell flat on his face.

Orange-haired girl: Okay, so all I remember is some bizarrely indescribable entity asked me if I want to know the secrets of the omniverse and then took me in. I didn’t get time to answer, and I wanted to say no. However, I guess in the long term I needed to say yes. Besides not even a minute in and there is already crazy amounts of distortion everywhere.

The monochromatic boy just stared at her with no emotion while the green haired prehistoric boy just got up to see the orange-haired girl.

Green-haired prehistoric boy: LOVE!

The green-haired prehistoric boy then bowed down to the orange-haired girl while the monochromatic boy and orange-haired girl looked at the green-haired prehistoric boy, the female looking in confusion while the boy looked indifferent.

Stellar: Be right back, gimme a sec.

Stellar rips a star off her wing and tosses it on an empty field. The star then explodes and turns into a hotel.

BFDI Rocky: Based.

DS: Cool.

Dusk: Nice

Maverick: It’s all the words that you guys would use to describe Jason.

Stellar then starts screaming out of nowhere.

Stellar: FUCKWHYDIDIDOTHATITALWAYSHURTSASHELLOWOWOWOW!

DS: Well, rip.

Certaminis: …Well, that’s one problem solved! But what about the prize?

Stellar is curled up into a ball in the corner.

Dusk: Ooo, I have an idea, I’ll steal Shade’s idea before he can use it.

Dusk snaps his fingers, and out comes a special device, the WWW, also known as the Wish Waker W. You can hear the scream of a teenager from another universe screaming Dusk’s name.

Certaminis: Cool! Let me add my own prize to the pool…

(Certaminis snaps his fingers, and not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE Reality Chromebooks appears in his other hand.)

Dusk: Thought those were destroyed?

Certaminis: I play by my own rules. Deal with it.

Stellar gets back up. A light bulb appears above her head.

Dusk: Fair enough, you okay lassie?

Stellar: Idea! We can add a wish to the prizes!

DS: Sounds kinda cliche, but okay.

Dusk: I literally added an item called the Wish Waker, you need a Genie or something?

Certaminis: Also, Five Reality Chromebooks are very strong when combined. They create astral circuits, which are the first step to getting Golden CPUs!

Stellar: …What’s a Wish Waker?

Dusk: “Sigh” The Wish Waker W is an item that can give anyone with the authority to wish for literally anything in the known multiverse of possibilities, as long as they prove themselves, and follow the Genie Rules.

Stellar: …Oh, sorry I didn’t know. Been kinda living under a rock for a few years now… literally.

Dusk: Aye, don’t worry about it, I do too.

DS: What? Like a Battle for an Amazing Wish?

Certaminis: More like Battle for Infinite Amazing Wishes…

Stellar: Too on the nose… How about… Dysfunctionally Indiscriminate Competition…

Beat.

Stellar: …Kinda Stupid?

Dusk: … Dicks?

Certaminis: Awesome.

DS: I love it already.

Stellar: =D

Maverick: A perfect companion name to SEXMAS.

Shavis: I can live with that.

BFDI Rocky: FUCKING PERFECT. I love dicks.

Pillow: That’s gay.

Dusk: YOU GOT A PROBLEM AGAINST GAY PEOPLE YOU FUNKING PILLOW?!

Pillow: Nah.

Dusk: Oh…

DS: I just realized how gay a majority of my cast is. …Not that that’s a bad thing.

Neil Cicierega: I watched two Ford-brand American trucks having sex once. It would make a grown man cry.

Jaune, Himiko, and Tom just back away slowly.

King Knight: … What the hell is a Truck?

Stellar: …I'm gonna tell them… later.

DS: I dunno. I feel like I’d be the one in this group giving the “birds and the bees” talk.

Stellar: …I… unfortunately agree. Then again I’m probably the oldest here so… yeah you do it.

DS: Okie dokie!

DS walks over to King Knight.

DS: Hey, King Knight! Wanna learn about sex?

Stellar barely manages to hold her laughter in as DS traumatized King Knight.

DS: Alrighty, just scarred him for life. Now what?

Certaminis: …Wait, I have a wonderful idea!

Dusk: Do tell

Certaminis: …Flavio.

BFDI Rocky: Certaminis… You fucking GENIUS.

DS: The one true chad.

Stellar: Bravo! What a wonderful Idea!

Shavis: I mean it could work.

Stellar wing claps again

Dusk: Flavio? I’m sorry who?

DS: You haven’t heard of the Flavio? Man, you need to watch CDCAT.

(Certaminis snaps his fingers and summons Flavio.)

Flavio: WARIO YOU LITTLE- what where am I-

BFDI Rocky: Flavio, my man! You’re balancing two contests now. Cool, right?

Flavio: Well, if anyone’s gonna do it then it should obviously be me! I’ll be able to win both easily!

Dusk: Oooooh, that Flavio

DS: So you do know Flavio.

Certaminis: Yeah, he’s cool.

Maverick: OMG Flavio! The great Flavio! The one who always barely survives eliminations by a hair like a legend! Remember me? It is I, the one and only king of voting reasons himself, Maverick!

Flavio: Wait WHAT- YOU’RE LIKE- WHAT- HUH-

Maverick: Yes, it’s me! Maverick! The one who does all the cool plot stuff in CDCAT! And yes, I’m a triangle with Minion overalls!

Flavio: I- Well then, it’s great to finally meet you in person, Mav-y boy! Kind of- I’m still figuring out a lot of stuff about your intentions and all that- I GOT MY EYE ON YOU

Flavio tries to make a menacing face… It doesn’t look menacing at all.

Maverick: Well as long as you don’t use that eye to betray me I’m fine with it!

Timmy: TIMMY! LIVINALIE!

Lofi Girl: … I’m sorry what?

Himiko: I don’t like it here already…

Asgore Dreemurr: I think the little boy is trying to do something.

Timmy: Timmy!

Jaune: …Or maybe not.

Tom simply shrugs.

Stellar: Okay… next is… teams if I remember correctly.

BFDI Rocky: Ah yeah, I usually have 21 guys- having this much is new to me.

DS: I have fucking 36-

BFDI Rocky: Yeah, you fucking madman.

Certaminis: And I have 24!

Maverick: I have 24 too. 24 buddies!

Dusk: We have how many exactly? Shade said he also had 36. So I guess you and him are both mad.

Shavis: The one I am involved with has 36, so yeah that is a perfect description.

DS: Indeed.

BFDI Rocky: Well I believe the contestants were basically brought in batches of three eight times with the exception of Flavio, so that’s 25. 5 teams of 5?

Dusk: Unconventional number, but sure why not?

Certaminis: Sounds good to me.

DS: Same as LDMGS.

Stellar: Hmm… So do we spin a wheel like LDMGS as well or something? I had my teams choose themselves.

DS: Same here.

Dusk: Lumina and Shade had them interact, maybe we can see who talks more with each other and from there they make the teams?

BFDI Rocky: I just kinda chose some and rolled with it. First time around I chose based on groups that formed, but we can’t really do that here.

Maverick: I don’t even know what I’m doing yet. Since my show didn’t even start because of HOW MUCH OF A PROCRASTINATOR I AM!

Dusk: This is a dilemma.

Staci: If only my Great Great Great Great Great Aunt was here, she invented Team Forming! Before her, people always worked individually.

Kaos: That sounds stupid, but most importantly hard to believe.

Jaune: Maybe you could try being more honest.

Staci: Eh? What do you mean?

Quagmire: Well my Great Great Great Great Great myself invented the you and me together. Giggity.

Staci: Oh, you wanna be on a team with me? Awesome!

Quagmire: Wait, I meant sex-

Staci: This is the first time someone’s wanted to be on a team with me! Well, excluding my mom.

Reagan: Oh will you all SHUT UP?! I’m already losing my mind just being with you all!

King Knight: How about YOU shut up and try to help us peasant?!

Reagan: Fuck this, I’m gonna find a way out myself.

Reagan walks away, passing Thirteen, who is sitting, looking worried at the events happening.

Neil Cicierega: Floor Corn.

Asgore Dreemurr: Everyone, let’s all calm down-

Lofi Girl: I like your attitude goat man, but they’re not gonna listen

Timmy moves over to Asgore.

Timmy: Timmy!

Asgore Dreemurr: …You are precious and I will protect you.

Timmy is blissfully unaware at the moment.

Lofi Girl: Huh… universe proves me wrong yet again then.

(Neil is eating toy food.)

Thirteen gets up, and walks to the nearest person.

Thirteen: Uh… Hi.

Neil Cicierega: Hello. Do you like Smosh Mouth?

Thirteen: …I-I don’t know what that is, was I supposed to?

Neil Cicierega: SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME! I AIN’T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!

Thirteen gets blown to bits as the ones that made him pass out. What an unlucky guy. The ones that are still awake try to gather their passed out brethren.

Steel: I am already regretting joining this show.

Stellar: Well ya can’t back out now.

Steel: Watch me. 

Steel backs away from Stellar like a pro gamer

Stellar: Oh. Shit.

DS: I guess he can back out.

BFDI Rocky: Bro proved you wrong, I think that means you owe him $5 now.

Stellar: Think he’ll take the Sun as payment instead of money?

BFDI Rocky: Only one way to find out!

Stellar goes to Steel, and pulls off a star on her wings. This causes the time to become night since she took the sun.

Stellar: Here’s your money.

Steel: …this is the fucking sun. What do you expect me to do with this?

Stellar: Well shit.

Stellar throws the sun back into the sky. It’s day again.

Stellar: Fine. Here’s 5 bucks.

Steel: Awesome, I’m gonna go get a soda.

Flavio is seen looking around.

Flavio: Alright, gotta find the best teammates!

Pillow walks up to Flavio and drags him away.

Flavio: AHH! GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!

Pillow does not listen, continuing to walk aimlessly.

King Knight: Huh, well, this is gonna be hard. But there is no challenge too big for a King such as myself!

Anti-Mia: Wha -

King Knight: You there! Girl! Would you like to be in a team with me?

Anti-Mia: …Sure, why not?

King Knight: Great! I promise you won’t regret this!

King Knight lifts his staff over Anti-Mia’s shoulder, as if knighting her.

Anti-Mia: This is so cool.

Arceus seems to be observing everything, not saying a word. He sees Pillow drag a helpless Flavio away.

Flavio: Ack- hey- let me go already!

He decides to not intervene.

(Neil is now groovin’.)

Squidward: You call that music? 

Neil Cicierega: …

(Neil then starts playing Spongerock [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aK0XqK9mbMk ].)

Squidward: Hmph, watch and learn from a real artiste.

Squidward begins playing his clarinet. He is predictably very bad at it. Everyone around him covers their ears in excruciating pain.

Pillow goes over and slaps the clarinet out of Squidward’s hands.

Squidward: HEY!

Kaos: Ugh, thank you, that was worse than Glummy’s lessons.

Pillow: I just felt like slapping someone.

Kaos: Whatever, you want to be on a team or what?

Pillow: Sure! I also picked up this guy.

Flavio: LET ME GO-

Neil Cicierega: * Neil has joined your team. There is nothing you can do about it.*

Flavio: Man, I don’t get to do anything today!

Reagan: Come on…

Reagan is currently searching for stuff to make a machine. Currently she has found almost nothing. While she’s doing this, Thirteen finally reforms, now scared of Neil, running away from his group. 

Stellar: …Why do I have that feeling that a team is almost done?

Dusk: No idea.

Certaminis: Good! The quicker the teams are made, the quicker we can get things going!

Orange-haired girl: Well, I honestly have no idea what is going on since things are happening so quickly.

Shavis: Go form teams Futaba.

Futaba: Oh right, I guess, also my name appears to be just said out of the blue, but I am Futaba Sakura.

Futaba then awkwardly pulled out her hand in front of anyone, likely the monochromatic boy or the green-haired prehistoric boy. Eventually, the green-haired prehistoric boy took the opportunity and shook Futaba’s hand in a fast and violent manner, vibrating her in a comical fashion.

Pogo: POGO!

Futaba: Ooooookkkkkkkkaaaayyyyy, ccccaaaannn yyyooouuu pppllleeassseee ssstttooopppp?

Pogo eventually stops after a lengthy handshake.

Futaba: Ow. sigh At least you finally managed to stop. sigh Now if only I knew the name of that monochromatic boy there.

Omori: The name is Omori, and I am here because I sense something is wrong with the Dreamer.

Futaba: Huh, you can sense distortion.

Omori: In a sense, yes.

Futaba: So, you know something wrong is happening here. You want to join forces?

Omori: Hmm, sure why not?

And so, Omori, Futaba, and Pogo are in a team. Meanwhile, Quagmire and Staci are still together..

Staci: Ooh, who should our other teammates be? So many options!

Himiko, Jaune, and Tom are just standing in a corner lmao.

Staci: Maybe we could take one of them! Maybe two, or maybe all of them!

Cut to those in question

Himiko: Nyeh?

Jaune: Are they talking about us over there?

Himiko: Probably…

Jaune: We should go meet them!

Himiko: Why bother?

Jaune: It’s always nice to meet new people.

Himiko: I guess you’re right.

Tom just nods and the three walk over. Cut back to Quagmire and Staci.

Quagmire: We’ll take the hot chick. Nobody else.

He says, not knowing Himiko is a minor. But Quagmire be Quagmireing.

The trio walk up to them.

Jaune: Hey, guys. Can we join your team?

Staci: Oh, if we join that’ll be five! A full team!

Himiko: So… Can we?

Staci: What do you think, teammate?

Quagmire: As long as I get the chick, sure.

Himiko: …

Jaune: …

Jaune unsheathes his sword. Himiko almost throws up. A strange presence could be felt on Quagmire’s back as if someone had an intent to kill him.

Jaune: Wait… Where’s Tom?

Tom had walked off. Cut to the hosts.

Dusk: I am this close to calling the police.

Certaminis: *rapidly dialing* 911911911911911911911-

DS: I already have “91” dialed on my phone.

BFDI Rocky: Jokes on you I already have them on the phone- oh wait that’s my coworker again.

Dusk: How many jobs does your co-worker have?

BFDI Rocky: Zero.

DS: Thought so.

We cut back to Lofi Girl who was hanging around Asgore and Timmy, confused as ever

Timmy: TIMMY!

Asgore Dreemurr: How thoughtful of you, Timmy. *turns to Lofi Girl* Also, you’re part of our team, OK?

Lofi Girl is still confused, but gives a thumbs up.

Thirteen walks around, until he bumps into Kaos.

Thirteen: …hehe… please don’t hurt me.

Kaos: If you become my servant, I shall spare you… number.

Thirteen: …Uh, Okay… Thank you…

Neil Cicierega: Oh look, we’re teammates! How fun!

Thirteen is very scared now.

BFDI Rocky: Wait- Flavio, Pillow, Neil, Thirteen, Kaos- that’s five! There we go, we got a full team over here!

Stellar: HELL YA!

Certaminis: Good Job! Now then, what is your team name?

DS: 5 bucks says it’ll be accidental.

Stellar: Knowing one of the contestants, I won’t bet on it.

BFDI Rocky: You’re on, bud.

DS: Bet.

Oh yeah Thirteen splits into Ten and Three. Don’t say his name. Three lands on one of his teammates.

DS: Oh shit, forgot about that lmao.

Flavio: WHOA!

DS: So your team name is Whoa?

Stellar sheds a tear as Ten and Three become Thirteen again.

Stellar: Beautiful.

DS: Register it.

Dusk: Nice

BFDI Rocky: WAIT-

WHOA!

Flavio

Pillow

Thirteen

Kaos

Neil Cicierega

Flavio: Aw, really?!

BFDI Rocky: Mother fucker-

BFDI Rocky gives DS five dollars.

DS: Fuck yeah!

Stellar: This is why I don’t bet.

Certaminis: Same.

Dusk: Betting is for lowlifes… then again, I do gamble from time to time.

DS: Hey, at least their team name isn’t “Oops”.

Quickcut to TWSGS, where the entirety of Oops sneezes at the same time. Even the eliminated people. Cut back to here.

Flavio: Ah man this sucks!

Pillow: I like it!

Thirteen looks worried since he caused the accidental name.

Meanwhile, Squidward is still grumbling after Pillow disliked his music. A tired Reagan is nearby, passed out on the floor due to drinking before being sent here. Squidward sees the body.

Squidward: Well, she can’t be worse than the rest of these idiots.

Reagan would have agreed if she was awake.

(Elsewhere, Asgore approaches Arceus.)

Arceus: Ah, hello there.

Asgore Dreemurr: Hello, good sir. Would you be interested in joining our team?

Arceus: Seeing as my initial plans were to let fate decide my team, I believe this will do. Very well, I will join. I believe you’ll find me a very strong asset for this team.

Asgore Dreemurr: That is good to hear.

Tom walks in.

Asgore Dreemurr: …Ah, a cat. Would you like to join our team too?

Lofi Girl: Aww, cute kitty.

Tom nods. Fun fact: Tom can canonically speak. He just chooses not to. Like Henry Stickmin.

Asgore Dreemurr: Well, that is five. I supposed our team name will be “Painful Dreamers.”

BFDI Rocky: Did I hear FIVE?! What’s your team- oh.

DS: Okay then. Was honestly prepared for another accidental name.

Certaminis: I’m getting it down!

PAINFUL DREAMERS

Tom Cat

Asgore Dreemurr

Timmy Burch

Lofi Girl

Arceus

Arceus: Painful Dreamers, hm… Yes, that will do nicely.

Timmy: TIMMY!

Lofi Girl: I will forever question what you are trying to say.

Meanwhile, we cut back to King Knight and Anti-Mia, who haven’t made any progress thus far.

King Knight: Well so much for trying nice I guess. HELLO IS ANYONE WILLING TO JOIN OUR TEAM?

Staci: (distant) Yah-

Himiko: (distant) NO!

Anti-Mia: We have free… something…

King Knight: “murmurs'' I hate giving out free things, but desperate times call for desperate measures. WE HAVE FREE DRINKS!

Himiko: (distant) IF IT’S PANTA, THEN YOU’VE GOT THE WRONG PERSON.

King Knight: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT PANTA IS, SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?

Jaune: (distant) WHAT ABOUT MILK? RUBY TOLD ME SHE DRINKS THAT.

Omori, Futaba, and Pogo were seen passing by looking for any members of two or one

Futaba: Okay, I will be honest I may not be able to get ourselves any team members with my social stats, so is anyone else here able to communicate.

Pogo: HUH!?

Omori: There appears to be a team there.

Omori said as he pointed to the kingly knight and an anti-mattered teen.

Anti-Mia: Oh hi there! You guys wanna join our team?

Futaba: Yes, please I don’t know if I can handle having to ask anyone.

Omori nodded while Pogo bowed down in front of Anti-Mia.

Pogo: LOVE!

Anti-Mia: …I have a boyfriend, but he sucks, so okay.

King Knight: Love is overrated anyways, unless it’s love for your mother.

King Knight says this in a sad tone, as he remembers the last words his mother told him.

Futaba and Pogo appeared to look a bit sad and confused. The former due to wondering about the words King Knight said especially about mom while the latter just doesn’t understand why he states Love is overrated yet wants to hug the guy. Omori remains neutral.

A void suddenly appears

Shavis: So, it seems you have made your team King Knight, Anti-Mia, Omori, Futaba, and Pogo.

King Knight: Indeed I have! And it was thanks to me and my knight; Anti-Mia!

DS: Yippie kay yay, mother fuckers. Team name?

King Knight: Hmmm, any ideas? Preferably something to do with gold?

Futaba: Anyone else wants to chime their preferences before agreeing on a team name. I want something to do with hacking.

King Knight: What is this hacking you speak of?

Futaba: Well assuming that that indescribable man is true to his word and you don’t know it. Hacking is the gaining of unauthorized access to data like secrets through systematic digital means mostly from a computer.

King Knight: Good lord! You remind me so much of that woman Plague always hangs around with!

Omori: Well, if you are going to talk plenty about it, at least make it short before it takes the whole night.

Pogo was seen trying to make a fire for some reason and succeeds with an entire pillar of fire forming from it leaving some embers behind

Anti-Mia: Oh! How about GOLD Plenty Ember Night In Secret?

DS: That’s pretty long.

Jaune: (distant) Bow-chicka-bow-wow.

King Knight: What was that? it reminds me of Plague, therefore it is irritating.

Stellar: Tell them guys.

Certaminis: Don’t worry, I’ll acronym it!

GOLD P.E.N.I.S

King Knight

Omori

Anti-Mia

Pogo

Futaba Sakura

BFDI Rocky: BASED.

Dusk: AHAHAHAA, OH THAT’S SO GOOD!

DS: NO FUCKING WAY! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA-

Maverick: WHY ARE ACRONYMS IN THESE SHOWS ALWAYS LIKE THIS?!

King Knight: Wait… OH YOU HAVE GOT TO BE-

Anti-Mia: …Fuck.

Futaba: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Omori is bewildered and Pogo has a hearty laugh despite likely not knowing what happened.

Stellar: HAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE IT!

Certaminis: Ironically, I am immune to low-brow sexual humor.

DS: Then why the hell do you watch TWSGS?

Certaminis: Because it’s high-brow sexual humor.

DS: Ah.

Dusk: Oh unlucky you

Stellar: Well, GOLD P.E.N.I.S- HA! -we will never let you live it down.

BFDI Rocky: Enjoy the fucking penis joke-

DS: I know I am.

King Knight: Well, you live with what you can take, onward my subjects! To victory!

Stellar: Yeah, and you get gold DICK!

DS: So… When do we get gold pussy?

Dusk: Don’t ruin the moment

Stellar: Eh, we’ll call them that if we feel like it.

Cut to Jaune, Staci, Quagmire, and Himiko

Jaune: We still need one more member, guys.

Himiko: Where are we gonna get one of those?

Big Man spontaneously appears. He just stands there, menacingly.

Big Man: Ay!

Quagmire: Okay what the hell is that thing?

Jaune: WHOA! When did you get here?!

Himiko: Maybe he used magic…

Big Man: Ay ay ay!

Jaune: Oh my Oum, he’s adorable.

Himiko: Stop being so cute. I might just have to hug you.

Jaune: I’m gonna call you Big Man. Is that okay?

Big Man: Ay Ay!

Jaune: Glad to have you Big Man.

Staci: Oh yay, we’ve got a full team now!

DS jumps here out of nowhere, accidentally drop-kicking Himiko in the crotch somehow. Himiko crumples to the floor in pain.

Himiko: Atua, why?!

Big Man: Ay?! 

DS: Oh shit, are you okay?

Himiko: No… This is worse than the time Tenko-chan Neo-Aikido threw me…

Jaune helps Himiko up.

Himiko: Thanks.

Jaune: You’re welcome. Here.

Jaune’s hands start to glow. Himiko suddenly feels the pain go away.

Himiko: Woah… Cool magic.

Jaune: I don’t think semblances are magic, but thanks.

DS: Anyways, name time, bitches.

Big Man: Ay?

Jaune: Oh. We’re…

Jaune sneezes.

Jaune: …Goddamnit.

DS: Goddamnit? Cool name.

Himiko: Wait, no-

Stellar: WOW! TWO IN ONE DAY! I’ll put the name down.

GODDAMNIT

Jaune Arc

Himiko Yumeno

Staci

Big Man

Glenn Quagmire

Stellar: You love to see it.

DS: Yeah, lol.

Dusk: Glad I didn’t bet like an idiot.

BFDI Rocky: I should be offended but you are completely right.

Dusk: Thank you good bell.

Staci: Yah, my great great great great Grandfather invented naming things. Before him, we didn’t have anything specific to call anything by! So sad…

Himiko: I’ve been around Kokichi long enough to know that’s a lie.

Staci: Lie? But it’s true!

Himiko: Yeah. And my magic is fake.

Big Man: Ay ay ay. Ay ay!

Quagmire: This is why we should’ve been Quagmire and the Giggities. 

Staci: Ooh, giggities? Never heard of that!

Big Man: Ay.

Jaune: Is it anything like bow chicka bow wow?

Quagmire: Oh you’ll love it. Giggity.

Himiko: I can guarantee you I won’t.

Reagan wakes up, then looks at Squidward.

Reagan: …Shit, how long was I out for?

Squidward: How should I know? I just got here.

DS jumps here.

DS: All the other teams have been made.

Stellar: And yet your team only has two. Where’s the other three?

Dusk: Did one of you pass out while the other one was grieving an instrument or something?

Reagan: …Yeah that’s probably what happened.

Dusk: Damn… that was a complete guess but I’ll take that W.

BFDI Rocky: Should’ve bet you were right.

Dusk:... Fuck you’re right!

DS: Well, 💀

Reagan: …Yep, this is definitely like home.

Certaminis: Hold on, give me a second…

(Certaminis snaps his fingers, and summons Donald Duck, Daffy Duck, and Donkey Kong.)

Certaminis: There we go! All solved!

Maverick: Wait, you three haven’t been doing anything this entire time! I can’t just have my choices become background characters that have no screen time and then get out early as a result! That goes against everything that I stand for!

Daffy: Background characters?! I’m not a background character! I am a star! It must be your cameras focusing on the wrong people!

Donald: What’s the big idea? Why am I not being focused on?!

Daffy: Oh, Donald. It must be you! You and your unintelligible speech! It must be your despicable actions that got us into this mess! You must be the reason that they aren’t focusing on me like they should!

Donald: Me?! Why you little-

Donald Duck and Daffy Duck have a big angry brawl against each other.

Maverick: Yes! Yes! Drama! That is how you get popularity, screen time, and development my little duckies! Now if only the Kong could do the same…

Donkey Kong has just been chilling, eating a banana the whole time.

Reagan: …So this is our team? Shit.

Squidward: I say we cut our losses now.

Reagan: Alright, this seems better than home… somewhat.

Donkey Kong looks offended and punches a wall so hard, the sun burns everyone's eyes by the revelation of sudden light. Shavis just shades the group he is around from the Sun’s harmful UV rays knowing it never really does anything against him.

Dusk: Oh no, light, one of my components, whatever shall I do? Wonder how everyone else is holding up?

Stellar: HEY! I JUST PUT THAT BACK BITCH!

Donkey Kong give zero fucks, and proceeds to continue to eat the banana.

Squidward: (literally on fire) WAAAGH!

Certaminis: Joke’s on you! I made myself immune to sunburn!

DS: Holy shit, the sun. I haven’t seen that thing in ages. I haven’t touched grass either…

BFDI Rocky: Could be worse honestly.

Dusk: Finally, someone gets my point of view.

Maverick: Eh, the sun’s annoying. Makes things too hot when it’s more comfortable cold.

Daffy: AH! MY EYES! MY POOR DELICATE EYES!

Donald Duck: (Laughs hard at the opposing duck.)

Stellar snaps her fingers and summons a sun that’s not as bright.

Stellar: Better.

Certaminis: Okay then, now say your team name! No accidents this time.

Donald: I say that we should name our team-

Donkey Kong just screams.

Certaminis: … Good enough!

MONKEY SCREECHES

Daffy Duck

Donkey Kong

Donald Duck

Reagan Ridley

Squidward Tennisballs Testicals TENTACLES

Donald Duck: Aw phooey!

Daffy Duck: Monkey Screeches?! Do I look like a monkey to you?!

Reagan: Motherfucker.

Daffy Duck: I believe that I am not a mother- whatever that other part is either.

Donkey Kong laughs in response.

Stellar: No Mom Fucking here, this is legit.

Certaminis: And that’s all five teams! Thank God we’re done.

DS: Well that was quick. (Despite the episode being thirty pages long.)

Dusk: I love this already. I can tell we’re all gonna be great friends by the end of this.

Stellar: Definitely!

Silence.

Stellar: …what now?

Certaminis: I got porn - femslash, yaoi, and het. Y’all wanna fap?

BFDI Rocky: Eh, pass.

Stellar: Hell no. Goodnight.

Stellar flies away, revolted by the thought of porn.

Maverick: Nope. Can’t have any more weirdo controversy after what happened with Marcy. I’d rather stick with SEXMAS if you’d ask me. Speaking of which, I must continue it or my greatest weakness, that being procrastination, will get the best of me.

Maverick also goes away to work on his own show.

Dusk: PORN YOU SAY!?

DS: Hell yeah. Lemme just make the poll.

DS walks off.

Dusk: Alright, you do that, I’m gonna make some hot chocolate for all of us. Unless you guys want something else. Hmm, I wonder what’s happening on the other shows.

Shavis: (“Good, things seem to be going well for this show. Eventually, I will find hosts that will help me in my quest. I should try to participate more.”)

Dusk: Buddy, you do realize that a lot of us can read minds right?

Shavis: (“Eh, I may or may not be aware. I need your help anyways when the time comes. I also may have intentionally have done this.”)

Dusk: Eh, fair enough I guess, just don’t try anything funny and we’re good.

Shavis: (“Same here.”)

DS walks back in.

DS: I’m back with the poll, guys.

VOTING HAS ENDED! THANK YOU TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO VOTED!

On a deserted stretch of field, Steel stands looking at his surroundings, completely and utterly lost after wandering off, and unaware he is no longer part of the competition

Steel: WHERE THE FUCK IS THE SODA?

A very faint Biden-esque “SODA!” is heard

Souda Kazuichi: Right here, bro!

Steel: …What the fuck-

END (for reals)

Chapter Text

(The episode begins with Certaminis showing DS an ancient Egyptian-like tablet. It features Shiver and Anne making out, while Iris gets kicked in the crotch.)

Certaminis: As you can see, lesbians and crotch shots have existed since the dawn of time!

DS: Interesting… Very interesting… Especially since that’s the SAG cast.

Dusk walks into… whatever they are doing.

Dusk: … I’m not even gonna ask …

DS: Good answer.

Stellar bursts into the room.

Stellar: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT LOOKING AT SAG BEFORE I UPLOAD THE EPISODES?!

DS: Wait, that’s canon?

Stellar: Only in an alternate universe. Unfortunately I was there. The Vag shot is still in my tapes, but those lesbos specifically never happened.

Certamins: Funny how things are, am I right?

Dusk: You are right lad.

DS: Indeed.

Stellar: You think that’s cool? DS, I have an offer.

DS: What is it?

Stellar: You name a team, and if that team wins, I’ll show you the first ever VagShot. If that team loses, I’ll delete the recording.

DS: Hm… Goddamnit might win… But I’ll go with Painful Dreamers. They literally have god.

Stellar: Very well, be ready to never see the first VagShot ever… if you dare…

Certaminis: They have an 80% chance of winning. I think he’s good.

Stellar: …I’ll start preparing the tape then, but It’ll shatter if Painful Dreamers somehow lose.

Cuts to the contestants around a table in a room discussing things

Futaba: Okay everyone, welcome to the first meeting we will have in this competition.

Jaune: Thanks for having us.

Himiko: Nyeh… Why are we here again?

Jaune: One of life’s greatest mysteries, but we’re here because Futaba called us.

King Knight : This shall be interesting. “He says as he pets one of hits rats”

Reagan: And where is she anyways? I’ve been trying to get out and see what happened to my world, but everywhere I turn nothing happens but those things taunting me.

Futaba: Well, I am Futaba here. Futaba waves over at her side in a bit of an awkward manner. And basically I called this meeting because of umm… things here.

“Awkward silence”

King Knight: Come on, you can do it, say it with more vigor!

Jaune: Yeah. Don’t be afraid to speak up.

Himiko: Be more open, I guess…

Anti-Mia: Confidence is good, I think-

Tom nods in agreement.

Timmy : TIMMY! He seems to agree

Futaba: Yeah! I called this meeting because of the obvious elephant in the room and that is the fact there is potentially something bigger than just a competition lurking about.

Jaune: A bigger elephant?

King Knight: What witch craft could you possibly be referring to?

Himiko: Why does witchcraft have such a bad reputation? It’s not that bad.

King Knight: I was literally put into a whole bad deal because of a Sorceress so you tell me.

Himiko: Don’t blame the magic. Blame the user.

King Knight: Then I blame Plague Knight.

Futaba: Well, for starters. Can you see this? Futaba’s goggles suddenly erupt and behind her the UFO forms.

Staci jolts back from the UFO.

Staci: Oh my! How’d you do that?!

Jaune: Whoa!

Flavio: It’s sorcery I say!

King Knight: HOLY MOTHER!

Himiko: Neat magic.

Pillow: I like UFOs.

Asgore Dreemurr: Intriguing…

Futaba: This is my persona, Al Azif, and usually it activates whenever I am in the Metaverse or anything similar filled with lots of distortion such as palaces. I would also have my attire changed, but I am still in my casual clothes so there has to be something more going on.

King Knight: I think I’m gonna go insane soon.

Himiko: The Metaverse? You mean like a virtual world?

Thirteen: This all sounds weird… I don’t like it.

Jaune: I’m not really comfortable with this either.

Arceus: It would seem that your universe has a lot of intriguing properties.

Reagan: Ah, yeah the Metaverse. Heard about it a million times. That Mandela Effect bullshit really proved it.

Neil Cielcirega: I hate Facebook!

Thirteen: So that’s why we’re all here? That’s why none of you can split or rearrange?

Kaos: I already knew that! Color me disappointed.

Omori: I think we all can figure out that we are from different universes at a glance to each other.

Jaune: I mean, yeah. Of course we’re from different universes. It was mentioned in the form.

Himiko: Didn’t you guys sign one of those?

Tom nods. He had signed a form.

Timmy: Shakes his head LIVINALIE!

Flavio: I just got transported here from another competition I was in!

Futaba: I didn’t even get the chance to respond

King Knight: You signed something? I was let out of my work and then I was teleported!

Omori: I knew about this.

Pogo shakes his head no somewhat understanding the question

Lofi Girl: I didn’t even feed my cat before arriving here … I hope my neighbor can feed her.

Asgore Dreemurr: I did not… I was simply teleported here.

Reagan: Since when was there a fucking form? I got forced out of my home!

Squidward: I thought I was being invited to the Bikini Bottom Orchestra.

Quagmire: I was in the middle of some sweet sweet giggity, then I ended up here. Really hope she didn’t finish without me, if you know what I mean.

Himiko: Knowing you, she probably did better without you.

Niel Cicirega: When I was just a baby…. My momma told me “Son, you’re gonna be in a competition someday”...

Thirteen: Oh! I got unlucky and tripped in a portal…

Jaune: That’s pretty sad.

Arceus: Being pulled out of my own home was… Intimidating at first to say the least, hence my outburst when it happened.

Daffy: This is child’s play compared to what I have gone against before! I once fought against someone who could change the world at his own whim, I’ll be able to deal with this!

Tom gestures to the screen. He was pointing at the people writing this.

Anti-Mia: I think Eli tricked me into signing the form-

Kaos: I was in a fight with those foolish Skylanders! Before arriving here.

Donald: All I wanted was a nap! Why did I have to get dragged into this?!

Staci: I got pulled out when telling someone how my great great great great great uncle invented coffee pots!

Reagan: That was definitely for the best.

Staci: Eh?

Reagan: Anyways, now that we got that done… How do we leave? Because I have shit at home to do and a society to keep dumb.

Daffy: Look, society will always be dumb.

Futaba: I don’t know, I believe I watched those parody shows and a way to leave is to be eliminated, but I don’t think you go home per say when you are eliminated.

Anti-Mia: Maybe you go to the basement when you are eliminated? Or Ohio? 

Himiko: Maybe there’s some sort of lab there…

Omori: …

Asgore Dreemurr: Don’t be silly. That’s just absurd and inhumane.

Arceus: I must agree. It seems very unethical.

King Knight : I hope the elimination you speak of isn’t… execution.

Himiko: E-EXECUTION?!

King Knight: I mean, other kingdom’s do it, I don’t know how this one runs! What even are the rules DAMMIT!?!?

Reagan: It’s 2023, not the fucking Dark Ages!

Neil Cicirega: …FUCK, I GOTTA MAKE MOUTH V SOON!

King Knight: … I’m sorry, could you repeat that? I thought you said 2023.

Reagan: I did. 2023. 21st century.

Donald: (“in almost gibberish”) I don’t even know what year I’m in!

Himiko: 1937, if I had to guess.

King Knight: … “He slams his fists on the table” WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

Jaune: 2023? I come from 82 AGW.

Reagan: Shit, it’s worse than I thought.

Jaune: Still, the Dark Ages were a while back. We have technology like scrolls.

Omori: Isn’t it obvious that we all also come from different times? Pogo is a literal caveman.

Himiko: I mean, yeah. It was mentioned in the form, too.

Kaos: There are Robots and Dragons where I’m from, I don’t think time is the issue here.

Lofi Girl: And this is why I stay in my room like the good introvert to society to help students while they study that I am

Jaune: That’s nice.

Futaba: Oh, a fellow introvert.

Himiko: Same.

Squidward: Ah, fellow connoisseurs of the fine arts I presume?

Lofi Girl, Jaune, Futaba, Himiko: No.

Squidward: Plebeians.

Staci: Oh! I can say that I was on a show like this too! Mine had us leave by some catapult… We were also given some toxic marshmallows.

Anti-Mia: I host a show called THRSTOPDEARS with Eli… It’s fun!

Thirteen: I’m pretty sure that’s not supposed to happen…

Timmy begins rolling around in his wheelchair, heading to a window. He looks out the window, seemingly surprised and confused.

Timmy: Ah?

Opening.

Asgore Dreemurr: …What is happening, Timmy?

Timmy points out the window, where some weird stuff is happening.

(DK slaps Timmy away, wanting to see what’s happening at the window. Timmy falls out of his wheelchair because of this.)

(Certaminis is outside on a ramp with a skateboard, while the other hosts watch.)

Certaminis: Watch me do a kickflip!

Stellar: Do a flip! Twice!

BFDI Rocky: Three times even!

Dusk: Try a Somersault! Do a Barrel Roll!

DS: Do everything in that order. Coward.

Shavis is taking notes

Certaminis: Here we GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

(Certaminis jumps off the ramp, and does three kick flips, followed by a somersault and barrel roll. He goes through the window and hits Neil, knocking him over. Neil then knocks over Thirteen, who hits King Knight, and so on, causing all the contestants to fall in a domino-like sequence, except for Timmy because he already fell.)

(A certain triangle host walks in.)

BFDI Rocky: Oh, hey Maverick. You just missed the sickest flips.

Dusk: And good ones at that.

Maverick: I missed it?! I missed it yet I wasn’t even able to get the first episode done yet?!

Stellar: Sounds like a skill issue ngl.

Dusk: L

DS: Major L.

Maverick: I don’t have skill issues!

Dusk: You’re just in Denial, the other 4 stages will come! Don’t worry!

BFDI Rocky: I’m a speedy boy, I’ve got like 11 episodes already.

DS: I’ve got 7.

Shavis: As of the time I am doing this side-plot. My target hasn’t even made a single episode nor the context fic.

Maverick: Oh by the way Rocky, I haven’t even told the contestants anything yet Ramune already threatened to shoot someone. Apparently it was to get one of my contestants to “talk about Bruno.”

BFDI Rocky: Sounds like Ramune. She must’ve somehow heard the song and wanted to rebel against it.

(Certaminis gets up and sees the contestants knocked over.)

Certaminis: …Oops.

Niel Cicirega: SEMI-CHARMED KINDA PISS

Stellar: …The contestants are watching us.

Dusk: We should make an announcement and kill one for the fuck and fun of it.

BFDI Rocky: Not it.

Stellar: Not it. For the announcement I mean. I still want murder. To a degree.

DS: Same here. Not it.

Certaminis: I’ll do it!

Dusk: Not it, for the announcement, but I wanna do a little amount of tomfoolery.

Shavis: Eh, I was planning to do the announcements anyway. I need it.

Maverick: Murder’s cool. It ups the stakes!

Stellar: Who do we murder anyways?

Certaminis: Quagmire. No contest.

DS: I second that.

BFDI Rocky: Bring Volo here just to kill him.

Maverick: NO. Volo is cool!

DS: Dude. He literally got landslided.

BFDI Rocky: Volo fucking SUCKS I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him.

Maverick: You know what? I’ll just… I’ll- (He gets out a phone.)

(The phone shows a Minion on it.)

Maverick: Dave! Do some cool secret mission to recruit Volo as a second host of SEXMAS!

BFDI Rocky: WHAT THE FUCK?!

DS: Well, 💀

 Dusk: Whoever has died before and somehow came back!

Stellar: Hmm, What about Kenny? He sounds like the guy.

Shavis is holding Quagmire’s head.

Shavis: Um, I already just killed someone and left the body there.

DS: Based.

Dusk: Oh shit… I wonder how the contestants are reacting to it… or maybe they didn’t even notice.

BFDI Rocky: Eh, I’m sure it’s not that bad.

The contestants are all screaming over Quagmire’s body. Except for Himiko and Jaune, ‘cause quite frankly, he deserved it. Omori isn’t screaming due to his neutral expression. Anti-Mia runs away and barfs in a nearby bush. Lofi Girl quietly agrees despite her screaming, ‘cause she has knowledge of it. Arceus is also not screaming, having seen death quite a lot. Same with Asgore and Neil. Reagan just doesn’t care about it, after all, it’s Quagmire. Pogo doesn’t know what is going on and screams causing damage. Pillow, instead of screaming, starts writing things down.

Stellar: …I don’t wanna revive them, I like to keep my stars thank you very much. 

Dusk: I don’t do reviving, I take souls, I don’t give them back.

(Certaminis sighs, and snaps his fingers. Quagmire is revived.)

Quagmire: WHAT THE HELL?

DS: Shoulda kept him dead.

Certaminis: Gotta keep the contestants sane somehow.

DS: They were sane?

Daffy: How dare you call me sane!

Shavis: Well I can also be the designated revives person just go deny the death and they will be back near me.

Stellar: Well we gotta revive them, no gaslight about death. They're gonna know at some point, and by then it’ll be impossible to gaslight them. They gotta know.

Dusk: Ok, let me turn on the announcement then.

Stellar: Pinches her nose We should’ve just stole Kenny or Volo and killed them for a bit. That definitely would’ve been better than this.

BFDI Rocky: That’s what I’m saying! Fuck Volo.

DS: No thanks. I’d rather not lose my virginity to him.

Certaminis: I’d lose my virginity to that bunny girl from MHA!

DS: Same.

BFDI Rocky: I’ll probably be a virgin for like, my whole life. Love being a loser.

DS: Same yet again.

Dusk: I don’t have a virginity, I have a vitrinity. And if Shade doesn’t do anything, he might stay a virgin forever.

DS: Oh damn, is Luminade canon already?

Dusk: Idk, it’s none of my goddamn business.

Certaminis: Let’s just do the announcement already…

Dusk: Ok

DS: Yeah. Let’s do it!

Shavis: Always wanted to hold the votes.

Dusk teleports them all to the hotel and pulls out a megaphone.

Dusk: I’ve come to make an announcement, Shadow the Hedgehog is a bitchass motherfucker- Oh wait wrong announcement.

BFDI Rocky: No, keep going.

Certaminis: PISS ON THE MOON!

BFDI Rocky: SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG, YOU HAVE A SMALL DICK.

DS: Don’t worry. I have it.

DS takes out an index card and takes out a megaphone.

DS: Ahem. OBJECTS I’VE SHOVED UP MY ASS-

The contestants look at them in shock and disgust.

Timmy: Gross!

Donald: (“in almost gibberish”) Having peace is impossible!

DS: NOTHING YET.

The contestants looked relieved for a second there. 

Shavis: Okay, how about I try to be the one who leads the announcements such as with the votes we set up early for opinions.

Stellar: DS, what the fuck- You should’ve used the Eggman speech.

DS: Fair enough.

Dusk: I should’ve just continued that ;(

Certaminis: *pulls out a form* Ok, let’s see here… Hah! I’m the most popular host! Also DS, BFDI Rocky and Maverick are somewhat well-known, but who cares? FUCK YOU, HOPPER!

DS: Sick.

Maverick: I mean the most popular host is probably the host who started it all but whatever. Hopper does suck though.

Shavis: Honestly, it just somewhat makes sense. I am… not known to anyone until this show.

Stellar: Eh, I’m okay with not being voted. AG never aired, so what can ya do.

Dusk: It makes sense why I don’t have votes, but I don’t think they “ He points at the contestants” have an idea of what’s going on.

Jaune: (in the audience) I do! It was mentioned in the form!

Himiko: (in the audience) Wait, how did you even sign the form? You were falling, weren’t you?

Jaune: (in the audience) Bold of you to assume I didn’t sign it while falling.

Certaminis: Oh yeah, we ran a popularity poll for you guys. Some people are more liked than others, I’ll say that.

Daffy: (in the audience) Let me guess, I’m the most popular.

Stellar: I’ll tell them. Gimme the damn megaphone.

DS: Sure. Hand this to Stellar, Dusk.

Dusk gives him and thumbs up and takes the megaphone and passes it to Stellar.

Stellar: Attention Freaks; It’s me. Now listen. We invited you all to compete for a shitload of prizes that are basically anything you want. You’re competing or you’re gonna have a bad time.

Flavio: I’m not a freak!

Kaos: I mean, in a way we’re all freaks.

Stellar: Everyone is a freak depending on one person's view, and everyone is a freak because we exist.

BFDI Rocky: I say fuck it everyone is objectively a freak because fuck you.

DS: Valid.

Shavis: A life lesson to everyone. Normal is overrated.

Dusk: Amen to that… Just kidding, I'm an atheist!

Maverick: Yeah and I’m a triangle!

DS: I am a polytheist. I believe in Atua, Arceus, and Monty Oum.

Certaminis: Would you not say “Athem” then? Also I’m a God, so yes.

Dusk says nothing, and instead laughs at a photo that always makes him laugh. The photo is of him killing people.

Stellar : Anyways, I believe you all talked to each other to know your competition by now, and by the way you can’t leave my dimension. Reagan stop FINDING A WAY OUT OR I'LL KILL YOU AND KILL YOU AGAIN!

DS: You’re just quoting all the Eggman memes today, aren’t ya? I shall do it, too. SNOO PING AS USUAL?

Shavis: Even if you somehow make a foolproof plan to leave I can always drag you back.

Reagan: Fuck.

Flavio: They were eavesdropping on us!

DS: Should’ve expected that, tbh. Rocky does that to you all the time.

BFDI Rocky: I was more focused on Certaminis doing some sick flips myself.

Lofi Girl: Cool flips by the way.

Certaminis: Why, thank you!

Squidward: Oh sure, butter up the hosts.

Maverick: Yes! Butter up the hosts! It’s actually a pretty good idea!

DS: Maybe add some complimentary cheese to go with the butter on your toast of suck-uppery.

Lofi Girl: Hey, I don’t make the rules, and neither do I know them, so it’s best to make a good first impression.

BFDI Rocky: Well word of advice, insult me and I’ll probably agree with it.

DS: If it’s an insult towards me, it’s probably true.

Futaba: Well that interaction checks out some things I feared yet knew were true.

Asgore Dreemurr: Staying here for a while? I suppose it will give me time to reflect on my sins.

King Knight: Sins? What sins?! No, I haven't committed any sins. What are you talking about?! Hahaha…

Anti-Mia: I really needed time away from Eli, so I’m not complaining-

Neil Cicirega: You don’t wanna see my hand where my hand be at.

Quagmire: I would if you were a female. Giggity.

Jaune and Himiko: (simultaneously) Shut up, Quag.

Shavis: Quick reminder, I can kill you without you realizing you died Quagmire.

Thirteen: Maybe I’ll have a bit of luck here then… maybe…

Timmy: TIMMY!

Certaminis: Moving on… Kaos is the most popular member from WHOA! Followed by Neil, Pillow and Flavio in the same place. And Thirteen got no votes… RIP Bozo.

Thirteen splits, before reforming.

BFDI Rocky: Big oof for Thirteen, chances aren’t looking so great when your team loses.

Thirteen ended up splitting again from saying his name. He reforms and is very anxious.

Thirteen: Stop- STOP! Don’t say my name!

DS: Unlucky him.

Kaos: YES! My might extends even to the realm of the stupid Portal Masters! Bow before Kaos!

Pillow: No.

Kaos: Shut up.

Neil Cicirega: Cause I'm the right one… On my touch-tone, touch-tone telephone!

Flavio: Clearly my presence in two shows just made my popularity grow even more!

DS: I wouldn’t count on that. One voter for Pillow said “she's a funny little goober. do some trolling. by the way can i have an anti-vote for flavio thanks”

Flavio: How dare!

DS: They dare quite easily.

Dusk: Even more easily than betting.

DS: Should I read out more votes, or…?

Dusk: Yeee.

DS: Okie doki! Next up are the Kaos voters with “Sorry Flavio but Kaos is literally the one character from my childhood I will NEVER give up on. I was a Huge Skylanders fan for the longest time.” and “His vibes are off.”

DS: Next on the Painful Dreamers’ side of things, Asgore is the most popular with 4, followed by Lo-fi and Arceus tying with 2, Tom getting 1, and Timmy getting 0.

Asgore Dreemurr: Oh? That is interesting to hear…

Lofi Girl: Tying with a god… that’s a win in my non-existent book of W’s.

Arceus: I am satisfied with that.

Tom crosses his arms and smiles.

Timmy: Huh? He seems both confused and worried.

Stellar: Sigh. Well anyways, what did the voters say about that?

Dusk: Idk, who made the poll?

DS: Me.

Shavis: Anyways, We have yet another nearly close one with Gold P.E.N.I.S. as Omori is in the lead with three votes. Futaba, King Knight, and Anti-Mia having two. Finally, Pogo has none. An unnecessary thing to note is that Omori somewhat made a comeback like Kaos, but that wasn’t mentioned.

King Knight: Ugh, If only, but I guess in this case, I can take silver, congrats boy!

Futaba: Oh, so close. I somewhat feel like I was initially winning there, but congrats Omori.

Omori still remains Neutral despite that award, but Pogo is saddened that he got none.

Shavis: If it makes any of you better, especially Pogo who comes from a game not known, a voter has stated and I quote ahem “wait king knight was the one from shovel knight ??? i thought it was from some obscure piece of media that like three people saw because i didn't read the tags also futaba based. second choice would probably be omori also also who is anti-mia also also also pogo live a live based ”

Pogo feels a bit better from this.

DS: Oh yeah, uh, I think Anti-Mia is the mirror counterpart of Mia, one of the TWGOCYES hosts.

Anti-Mia: That’s true.

King Knight: If one of you could explain to me your vocabulary, I would be very thankful for it.

Futaba: Well, based, in internet slang, means that you don’t care about what other people think, at least what is defined in the dictionary when I got curious. It is mostly used in context as cool. Also, thanks for voting for me, random internet voter at least I assume it is broadcasted somewhere on a net. Man, multiverse theory is weird.

King Knight: I was referring to every word he said in that second sentence, but I’ll take it for now.

Shavis: There are also votes for Omori, or at least reasons that sound like they support him, that go, ahem “planning on getting Omori sometime soon lol” “the emotion mechanic will be interesting lol.” , and “Emo ass kid” . Now with the Gold P.E.N.I.S. out of there

BFDI Rocky: Hah, Penis-

DS: Dick jokes fr.

Dusk: PP.

People began to burst into laughter. Both hosts and contestants except for King Knight, Futaba, and Omori.

Stellar: Hey, at least your team is already memorable.

Thirteen: …What is that anyways?

DS: I got this.

DS walks up to Thirteen and traumatizes him with sex ed. Thirteen is now sitting down, curled up to process the birds and the bees. DS walks back.

DS: Done.

Certaminis: Peak comedy!

Stellar: DS, you really are a miracle worker.

Dusk: And a fucking genious.

DS: Thanks. I try.

BFDI Rocky: Imma read out Goddamnit’s results-

DS: Go for it.

BFDI Rocky: This is the only team where there’s actually a tie for first place! Himiko and Big Man got three votes. Meanwhile Jaune got two, Quagmire got one and Staci got zero, kind of expected.

Big Man: AY AY AY!

Himiko: Nyeh? People like me? That’s surprising…

Jaune: Nice one, Himiko!

Big Man gives her a pat on the back with one of his fins. Jaune does so as well. Minus the “fins” part.

Quagmire: Only one? That’s worse than the time Peter- BFDI Rocky knocks him out before he can do a cutaway

Staci: Aww, I thought I was doing so well!

BFDI Rocky: Far from it. Someone even asked to have an anti-vote for you like with Flavio.

Staci: I don’t get it, what am I doing so wrong?

DS: No clue. Maybe people just think you’re annoying. Anyways, that vote was for Himiko, by the way. “everyone else on the team is mid (barring big man) also can i have an anti-vote for staci and quagmire too thanks”

Big Man : Ay! “He replicates what can only be described as a Manta Ray giving a thumbs up… or the middle finger, go wild.”

Jaune: Wrong finger, Big Man.

Big Man seems confused as he does not have fingers. If only Frye and Shiver were here, they could clear things up.

Reagan: Knew it.

DS: Next, we have Monkey Screeches. Shavis, if you will.

Dusk: Break time, see you in two days.

DS: Have fun!

Shavis: Okay, I guess I will clarify things before reading the results for Monkey Screeches and reasons. Yeah, some hosts have things to do, but due to how time works with me, here, and there they might be back sooner or later than they say. Overall if you are wondering why hosts don’t appear much it is likely they are busy doing something else, likely with their own shows. Don’t know what to say about the contestants however.

Maverick: Yeah, look at us. We all have other shows to host. So we’ll be kind of busy going in and out. However, I have Volo doing stuff right now so I can do stuff, although I have to be back in a bit.

DS: Yeah. I have TWSGS. Also, “going in and out” you say…

Shavis: Anyways, the first part of the main event with the votes of Monkey Screeches. Donkey Kong stomps the polls with 5 votes. Squidward takes second with 2 votes. Reagan and Daffy take one vote each. Finally, Donald has 0 votes.

DS: RIP Donald, I guess…

Certaminis: Monke.

Daffy: Only one vote?! You voters don’t have any taste! Except for the one who voted for me, they have good taste. 

Donald: Aw phooey! What did I do wrong to get no votes?! And why did the dumb monkey get the most?!

DK: “Shrugs like that one Smash Bros taunt.”

Squidward: Nice to see there’s at least two people in this world who recognise a real artiste when they see one.

<<<<<< Some time later >>>>>>

Dusk: We’re back bitches!

Lofi Girl: You left us for an hour!

Himiko: Yeah! Now I have to go pee.

Jaune: Why didn’t you just pee while they were gone?

Himiko: I didn’t wanna miss the votes…

Jaune: Our team’s votes were already revealed, though.

Himiko: …Fair point.

Shavis: …Okay ("wtf was that"), how about those reasons with one prominent voter stating, ahem “WHY! also donkey kong fcuking shit up is my favorite form of comedy shame that i don't think he was mentioned until halfway through the chapter Up.”

DK slams the floor in joy, shaking the ground and everyone on it.

Donald: Tttthhhhiiiiisssss iiiiiisssssss wwwwwhhyyyyy hhhhheeeee’s liiiikkkeeeeddddd?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

Himiko: Aaaaaappppppppppppppaaaaarrrrrreeeeeeennnnnnntttttlllllyyyyyy…

Jaune: Cccccooouuuuulllldddd yyyyoooouuu pppllleeeaaassseeee ssstttoooopppp?

Kaos: Ttttttttthiiiiiiiiiissssss iiiiiissssss wooooooooorrrsssttttt thhhhhhhaaaaaannnnnn tttttthhhhhaaaaatttt BBBBBBaaaaaannnnnnddddddiiiiiccccoooooooooooootttttttt!!!!

Anti-Mia: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Staci: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ccccccccaaaaaaaaaannnnnnn’ttttttttt ffffffeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllll mmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyy llllllllleeeeeeeeeegggggsss!

Donkey Kong used Earthquake, Arceus equipped the flying tablet, Arceus is unaffected.

Shavis: Others include, ahem “ MONKEY SCREECHES ” and “OOH OOH AH AH”. Also there is Frost’s “JUMP. MIGHT AS WELL JUMP.”

DS: Based Little Z reference, by the way.

Dusk: More of an Alpharad kind of guy myself.

Maverick: Both of them are pretty cool. At least they’re better at hosting things than Her!

Dusk: … You have anger issues.

DS: You’re like Certaminis, but instead of hating Hopper, you hate Her.

BFDI Rocky: HA-

Stellar: Never underestimate a host and the bullshit they can pull. It’ll kill ya- MANY times!

Dusk: I think at least half of us at our worst can make a supernova.

Stellar: I made a black hole once. It was a good breakfast.

Maverick: No but she’s gonna like, doom the universe. I know it.

BFDI Rocky: I still think people should just fuck off of ECERA until there’s actual danger personally-

DS: Why the hell is there so much angst in the CECU, anyways? Can’t we just dick around without having to deal with multiversal bullfuckery?

Maverick: Because me. And the fact that I like angst and like to create it. And also because Her is evil and is planning to destroy us all. And also because Hopper isn’t able to hide his problems and makes it noticeable in the show.

Certaminis: HOPPER?! HE FUCKING SUCKS!!

BFDI Rocky: …No comment.

Dusk: This is why romance is better than angst.

DS: Then why the hell does TWGOCYES have so much angst? That show’s filled to the brim with crackships.

Shavis: Probably because lore has angst whether you like it or not

DS: I mean Lore is in LTT, and that hasn’t had angst. …Yet.

BFDI Rocky: It’s because I voted for them, voting Lore stopped the angst. Trust me.

DS: And you’re sure about that, right?

BFDI Rocky: I also made the Hello Mario joke.

DS: Classic.

King Knight: Excuse me? Aren’t you people supposed to be hosting a show?

Shavis: …Yeah…

DS: We just need between-votes banter as filler.

Stellar: Don’t worry, we can pull our crap together in a snap. CONTINUE.

Shavis: Say should we reveal the overall votes?

Dusk: I say we go for it! Let’s see these bitches cry!

Stellar: Definitely.

DS: That’s a horrible idea. Let’s do it!

Shavis: Then let’s show who was the most favorite amongst the voters and who those voters like in general.

“Drums are heard in the background”

DS: Where the hell are those drum noises coming from?

Stellar: Don’t ask. =)

Dusk: Don’t worry about it :D

BFDI Rocky: Don’t look at me-

DS: Tom! Stop playing the drums!

Tom was playing the drums. He puts the drumsticks behind his back and smiles sheepishly.

DK grabs the drums and decides to play them with his hands.

DS: Oh damn he’s doing the SSB4 final smash thing

BFDI Rocky: Okay, who gave the contestants access to the instruments! Say, song playing is a good challenge I’ll write that down-

Dusk: Ah yes, soothing music to the ears… and probably a lot of bleeding ears too.

Shavis: So anyways, not only was Steel on this poll, but he also has one vote. He can thank the gigachad that voted him for that.

BFDI Rocky: Said gigachad voted everyone!

Stellar: …Imma go. I’ll be back.

Stellar does the peace sign and straight up disappears.

Dusk: Damn… that’s cold.

DS: Well bye, I guess.

Certaminis: I wonder where Steel is now…

(Jump cut to Steel and Kazuichi, who are standing in front of a sign labeled “Welcome to Ohio, the Buckeye State!” An apocalyptic city with aliens and mass destruction can be seen behind the sign.)

Soda Kazuichi: Are you sure this place is safe, man?

Steel: I dunno. But there’s probably soda here.

Suddenly, pineapples.

Steel: …This does not help us in the quest for soda.

(Jump cut back to the hosts.)

Shavis: Next for those with two votes, they include Pillow, Thirteen, Timmy, Pogo, Jaune, Staci, Quagmire, and Reagan

Thirteen splits, but quickly comes back together.

DS: (from under the piano) Honestly expected Jaune to get more.

Jaune: Eh. You get what you get.

Quagmire: Speaking of getting what you get, how about some giggi-

Quagmire is thumped by Pogo

Pogo: UH HUH! Pogo nods at Jaune sympathetic about getting so little votes especially since he got none

Dusk: This is what you get for breaking the fourth wall way too much. We had to buy a new one!

Dusk points to a wall that looks different to the rest, 

Jaune: What do you mean ’breaking the fourth wall’?

DS: I don’t remember him doing that, but okay, I guess…

Dusk: … wait shit I used the wrong fucking script. 

Stellar: Back.

Dusk: Oh that was quick, ya brought popcorn or something?

Stellar: We’ll, mainly I was putting out flyers for interns, but-

Stellar pulls out a Snack Set: Party Edition Box

Stellar: I picked this up in the meantime- for 10 Dollars! What a steal!

Dusk: What a deal! Let’s agree to not give any of this to the contestants!

Stellar: Amen!

Donald: I should get popcorn if I want popcorn! You shouldn’t take this away from me!

BFDI Rocky: Well, then consider this… Skill issue.

Maverick: Yeah, go gain some skills if you want popcorn.

DK and Daffy laugh at him. Reagan smiles.

Donald: Skills?! You want some skills?! How about this?! (He punches Daffy in the face.)

Daffy: (Clearly hurt) Wow. What bad skills! I will show you skills! 

(He tries to punch Donald. Donald dodges and Daffy punches the air. It’s super weak and pathetic.)

DS: Duck fight! Duck fight! Duck fight! Duck fight!

BFDI Rocky: Amazing. They’re both losers!

Certaminis: It’s like watching an incel and a white knight fighting to the death!

DS: It’s almost impressive how badly they’re doing. I thought for sure it would’ve been more badass. Like in the DBX!

Maverick: They can be badass if they decide to live up to their full potential. This… is not their full potential… I think.

Stellar: Yo DS! Get your ass over here! We got the Snack Set Party Edition!

DS: Oh damn okay. 

(Certaminis watches Shavis, while eating caramel popcorn.)

Shavis: People with three votes include Kaos, Neil, Tom, Anti-Mia, and Futaba

Tom is indifferent about these results.

Futaba: Man I was off

Neil Cicierega: 3QUALS THR33

Anti-Mia: I mean, it’s acceptable-

Kaos: Grrrrrrrr, well at the very least I still did better than the rest of my team.

Shavis: For those with four votes, they are Flavio, Asgore, King Knight, Big Man, Daffy, Donald, and Himiko

Stellar: * Chewing Popcorn * Knew it.

DS: *also eating popcorn* Classic Ws.

Maverick: Yeah these are some iconic choices.

Donald: Yes! I’m iconic!

Daffy: I already knew that I was iconic.

Flavio: What was that about doing better than the rest of your team, Kaos? BOOM! People have taste!

King Knight: Well, four is better than none, so I’ll take it!

King Knight does a little celebration dance with his scepter. He ends it by bowing and confetti dropping from somewhere.

Himiko: I guess people like my magic…

Big Man pats her back, while celebrating.

Big Man: Ay ay!

Asgore Dreemurr: Four is better than none.

Shavis: Finally, we reach the most anyone has with five votes given to Lofi Girl, Arceus, Donkey Kong, Squidward, and Omori

Lofi Girl: Huh. Didn’t think people would like me that much… nice.

DS: Squidward? I guess the people voting have shit taste in music. /j

Squidward: WHAT? My music’s not that bad!

Stellar: Don’t think that’s what they care about.

Maverick: Yeah they probably just find his constant failure and depression relatable.

Squidward: WHAT? I DON’T-...oh my god.

Dusk: “Shocked Gasp!” YOU DON’T KNOW THE BEAUTY OF EXPLOSION IN E MINOR!? How dare you based sir!?

Stellar: SORRYBROIMSORRY!

Dusk: … OH WAIT NOIWASTALKINGTODSNOTYOUI’MSORRY!

DS: I listen to Stick it to ‘em, Not just a theory, Riddle me why, Invasive species, and some other Brandon Yates tracks. Explosion in E Minor is pretty good.

Dusk: … You’re safe… for now.

DS: I was talking about the music Squidward makes, not Brandon. Brandon is the GOAT alongside Therewolf.

Dusk: Amen to that, I mainly was referring to it since they got Squidwards voice actor for it.

Omori takes notice of this. Arceus seems to look satisfied with tying for the most. Donkey Kong beats his chest so hard, another mini earthquake occurs.

Stellar: …One more Earthquake and I’ll make your death count equal to Kenny McCormick-

DS: Oh my gosh. She’s gonna kill DK.

BFDI Rocky: That bastard!

DK responds by shooting her with his coconut gun, which fires in spurts, and since it shot her, it’s gonna hurt.

DS: DK. *clap clap* Donkey Kong.

Dusk: DK, “clap clap!” Donkey Kong is here!

Stellar: OH WELCOME TO HELL, APE.

Stellar grabs DK and disappears with the monkey, possibly giving him hell.

DS: Oh damn. She’s going apeshit.

Dusk: Was that pun intended?

DS: Yes. Very.

Jaune: …Should we be concerned?

Maverick: No because DK will go bananas on her. He’ll be fine.

Himiko: Nyeh… Okay…

Shavis: Who here wants to show who each voter likes the most as their personal favorite and one they will root for.

Maverick: Someone! Probably.

BFDI Rocky: Um… Them.

BFDI Rocky looks at Arceus.

Arceus: I… Have no strong feelings one way or the other.

BFDI Rocky: Arceus wants you to show it.

Donald: What if I don’t want you to show it because it’ll destroy my inner pride?

BFDI Rocky: You heard the man, SHOW THE DAMN RESULTS!

DS: LET’S DO IT!

Certaminis: YEAH!

Donald: WAIT I WANT MY INNER PRIDE INTACT!

Dusk: No

DS: The only pride we care about here is LGBT pride.

Jaune: I mean, most of team RWBY is gay, so…

Dusk: And also Princes of Pride.

Maverick: Ew, RWBY. The evil manipulator Yang is from there,

DS silently flips Maverick off. Stellar reappears, covered in blood. DK isn’t seen.

Dusk: HOLY SHIT SIS ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!

Certaminis: …Nope. Not gonna ask any questions.

BFDI Rocky: The fuck happened there.

DS: The dong expanded.

Suddenly, a meteor appears, but this wasn’t any normal meteor, this was, THE LEADER OF THE BUNCH, YOU KNOW HIM WELL, AND HE JUST KICKED SOME GALACTIC TAIL! 

He ended up landing on BFDI Rocky.

BFDI Rocky: Ow.

Dusk: … Note, don’t mess with DK.

Stellar: …So it turns out if you make a star look like a banana, DK will eat it. Also, it turns out DK has his  infinite life thing from 64. Found out after he spontaneously combusted. This is all his blood… and some of mine. I’m not injured… yet.

DS: It appears that he’s gotten bigger.

Futaba: Faster and stronger too, I know this song why didn’t I sing along.

DS: HE’S THE FIRST MEMBER OF THE DK CREW!

BFDI Rocky: CAN SOMEONE GET THE DAMN MONKEY OFF OF ME-

DS: I dunno, dude. You’re a lot closer to the problem.

Dusk: Do it yourself. I ain't getting near him!

Certaminis: Time to fix a random problem!

(Certaminis picks up DK, and slaps him silly. This causes Donkey Kong to get angry, and recreate that scene from Avengers where Hulk beats up Loki, only Certamis receives the painful result).

DS: And this is why you don’t mess with Konkey Dong.

Dusk: Amen to that as well.

Maverick: Of course you could have just teleported him off and not have to deal with any pain but whatever.

Stellar: …I’ll just go back to eating.

Certaminis: Owie… nope! I’m done with this shit!

(Certaminis snaps his fingers and resets DK to normal, before teleporting away.)

DS: Oof. Dong just got shrunk, slowed, and weakened too.

Shavis: Seriously, can someone read the most favorite votes? I feel like I did my part.

Dusk: Yeah we're just delaying at this point.

BFDI Rocky: I’m sure Donald’s inner pride won’t be damaged at all.

Daffy: Or it will and it will be glorious!

BFDI Rocky: True that.

Donald: NO! NO! PLEASE DON’T! I NEED MY INNER PRIDE!

DS: Inner pride is unnecessary. Look at me, for example. I have no inner pride, lmao.

Maverick: Yeah, I just got cucked by some RWBY girl who probably has caused the death of this multiverse and I’m fine! So don’t worry.

(Certaminis comes back, a Band-Aid on his face.)

Certaminis: I simultaneously have all and none of the inner pride!

BFDI Rocky has the vote reasons.

BFDI Rocky: I have the forbidden texts.

DS: Oh shet.

Shavis: Yes say the results and reasons before we get distracted again

BFDI Rocky: Oh right, yeah. So Anti-Mia, Arceus, Futaba, Squidward and Asgore got one favorite vote while Neil and Kaos got two. One of the reasons we got was “First of all, NEIL CICCERIGAAAA Second, I like Omori, So by definition... I like Omori.”

Omori: ...

Neil Cicierega: You get a lifetime achievement award!

BFDI Rocky: Neil’s other vote was “GRRRRR WOOF BARK WOOF GRRR” which 💀

Neil Cicrega: WHO LET THE DOGS OUT? (Who, who who?)

Maverick: I probably let the dogs out.

Dusk: You look like a person who would let the dogs out.

DS: I blame Kokichi.

BFDI Rocky: It was absolutely Kokichi. Another vote said “they're fun to see” about Pillow, Asgore, Lofi Girl, Arceus, King Knight, Pogo, Futaba, Donkey Kong, Donald, Squidward, Himiko and Omori.

Daffy: Donald and not me?!

DS: Apparently.

Donald: It’s nice when someone other than me loses their pride for once.

DS: Says the one who lost the DBX.

Dusk: They both technically lost to Bugs.

DS: Fair enough.

Futaba: I think that one was my voter which is a score for me.

BFDI Rocky: Correct, Futaba.

King Knight: I don’t really consider myself funny per say, but thank you either way!

Flavio: What does Pillow have over me?!

Pillow: A kidnapping record!

Asgore Dreemurr: I suppose I have a small “fan base” now.

Reagan stops herself from saying something about it. It’s best not to mention certain things to others.

Anti-Mia: You people don’t even know me-

Certaminis: Oh, I gotta go. Time for my 3 A.M. Hopper hating rant.

BFDI Rocky: Real quick part of a Rickroll Squidward’s vote was just “Let”.

Squidward: Let? What kind of reason is let ?

Stellar: WAIT… why did we include the Rickroll reasons?

Dusk: I have no fucking clue.

BFDI Rocky: Ask the person who got the vote reasons. …Wait, I got these ones-

Stellar stares at BFDI Rocky… MENACINGLY!

DS: Actually the meme is standing menacingly, but close enough.

Stellar: DS, just let me have my moment.

Dusk: Yeah, let my sis have her moment!

DS: Kay.

BFDI Rocky: …I gotta go now-

Dusk: You’re going nowhere, you’ll fall so help me.

BFDI Rocky: Unfortunately, my coworker is calling-

Dusk doesn’t care about no coworker and swipes BFDI Rocky by doing a low to the ground kick. It misses.

BFDI Rocky: …Okay, what?

DS: The hell was that supposed to do? He’s literally floating above the ground.

Dusk: Idk I’m just doing dumb shit today.

BFDI Rocky: Anyway I’m FREEE-

Pillow takes BFDI Rocky by the string and starts swinging him around.

BFDI Rocky: WHOA-OAH STOP THat-

Maverick: Don’t worry man, I let you go. I’ll just use a portal to get you there. Here, I’ll come with you, since I have to leave too.

Stellar: What’s with everyone going? Something I missed?

Maverick: I dunno. But what I do know is that you can’t stop me no matter how hard you try! Farewell fellow hosts!

Maverick snaps in a portal as he and BFDI Rocky leave through it. 

(Certaminis comes back, feeling confident and happy.)

Certaminis: Nineteen minutes and thirty-seven seconds of expressing my hatred of that fucker! A new record!

DS: Maybe it’s just the hosts’ writers need to leave, while the other writers continue without them.

Shavis: I guess that just makes us the only five left Stellar, DS, Dusk, and the recently returning Certaminis, but before we start the mid part we have one last voter to address.

Stellar: Alright, say it. I don’t got the votes.

Dusk: Dew it.

Shavis walks to the center now looking a bit more humanoid and as he gets to the center…

He dances with the words appearing as he says

Shavis: Never. Gonna. Give. You. Up. Never. Gonna. Let. You. Down.

A down note suddenly appears after the mention of Down and crashes to the floor.

Stellar: FUCK! WATCH IT THAT ALMOST CRUSHED THE PARTY EDITION SNACK SET!

Certaminis: Do you want us to eat slop?

Dusk: ARCEUS DAMMIT! 

Arceus: Yes?

Dusk: Sorry, I just name random gods at random. SUN WU KONG FUCK!

DS: That was a Rickroll? I just thought the voter recommended the down arrow from FNF.

Stellar: You WHAT?

Dusk: Excuse mua?

The Down Note from Friday Night Funkin’

Recommended by the dude who Rickrolled us.

Dusk: Holy Shrek, it’s the arrow from hit Indie Game Friday Night Funkin.

Stellar: DS, if I wasn’t slightly tired from that fight with DK, I swear to ANY GOD, we would’ve fought.

DS: Heheheh…

Stellar: Attempting to ignore that… We should probably start the challenge… when the other hosts come back.

Dusk: Yeah, anyways Steel was the most liked eliminated contestant, that was the announcement, not me pissing on the moon, let’s move on.

BFDI Rocky: STEEL WAS THE MOST LIKED ELIMINATED CONTESTANT?!

Stellar: Obviously. He’s the ONLY eliminated contestant in DICKS.

Certaminis: Process of elimination!

Shavis: Also, Gold P.E.N.I.S. and Whoa are the most liked teams with three votes, Painful Dreamers have two votes, Monkey Screeches has one vote, and Goddamnit has zero. So with all the votes and some reasons finally out of the way, let’s start our midsection moment. Also, BFDI Rocky just came back temporarily just to say the obvious before dipping.

Dusk: Everyone, grab on to your non-existent seatbelts, AND PREPARE TO PUKE!

Dusk whispers into his ear “That will be another challenge”. DS’s face lights up.

Shavis: If any of you have vomiting problems please ask me and I will remove that for the time teleporting

Overwhelming silence, until…

Jaune: Yeah, uh, I have vomiting problems.

Dusk gives him a bag. Simultaneously, Shavis removes his vomiting problems.

Jaune: Thanks.

Dusk: Let’s just get this over with.

Stellar: Wait, but didn’t I-

Stellar gets interrupted by- the interruption is interrupted by Donkey Kong.

Shavis: Well, time to go before we get further distracted.

Shavis ports everyone in the area and then everyone is suddenly located in a floating castle of some sorts. Jaune promptly pukes into the bag he was given way earlier.

Stellar: Welp, my bag is full now.

Jaune: Ugh… Still have motion sickness from my Beacon days, I guess…

Shavis: Oh yeah…

Maverick: (Returns) The great Maverick has returned! And seems to have missed a bunch of puking, nice!

Stellar: Welcome to the very first challenge of DISCRIMINATE-

Dusk: Sis, just say DICKS.

DS: You didn’t even get the name right…

Stellar: Fine…Sorry the name itself is pretty long it kinda blurred together- WELCOME TO THE VERY FIRST CHALLENGE OF DICKS!

Certaminis: No matter how serious I am, that name is still funny.

Maverick: You guys have weird taste in names. Well, so do I! That name will always be funny! I hope so. Otherwise this show will get outdated and unfunny real quick…

Stellar: Your first challenge, The Hyrule Jump, starts here! As you can see, there is a ledge somewhat above us, right there.

Stellar points to the ledge they were underneath.

Stellar: Your goal is to get your entire team to that ledge. Use any means necessary! The last team to still have someone not on the ledge WILL be up for elimination!

Certaminis: Oh yeah, and once you get to the ledge, you can’t come back for your teammates. So plan wisely.

DS: Oh, one more thing. So you know how if you turn around there's some land? Well if you climb that you can reach the ledge. That’s obviously VERY illegal. Don’t do that.

Dusk: Or else, you get blown into a million particles of light that give you more pain than a black hole… somehow.

Shavis: Okay, let’s not waste anymore time. I don't care how long you take. I am removing pointless shit. Begin the challenge.

Shavis later drags DS while holding out a screen.

Cut to Goddamnit

Jaune: Anybody else feel like we’ve been standing here for about a month?

Big Man: Ay.

Himiko: Yeah, actually. It’s weird…

Jaune: So first off. Is anyone here good at climbing?

Staci: No, but my Second Cousin Jessie is! If only we could get some tips from her…

Himiko: I don’t have enough mana for climbing…

Quagmire: *inhales*

Jaune: No, Quagmire. Climbing and sex are not related in any way.

Cut to Gold P.E.N.I.S.

Futaba: Okay team, we need a plan to get all of us to the other side.

King Knight: I may have a solution for that!

Futaba: Well, let’s hear it out.

King Knight: My loyal team, may I present you my loyal minions and first followers!

He reaches back and pulls out five rats all attached to helicopter blades packs, all holding a sort of golden anchor. King Knight waves his free hand on them and throws some confetti. His team looks at him confused.

Anti-Mia: Uhhh… I don’t think the rats will work…

King Knight: Oh come on give them a chance! These little babies can carry me, many men, and an entire shop.

Anti-Mia: Okay, whatever you say-

Anti Mia stops mid sentence when King Knight extends the rope to let the Rats fly, and like he said, they could carry him, without much effort it seemed.

Anti-Mia: …Huh.

King Knight: Grab on to my foot my loyal subjects!

Pogo grabs on first. Omori follows up and Futaba thinks about it before gesturing to Anti-Mia in an awkward manner to go before her. Anti-Mia just shrugs and grabs on and Futaba follows last.

King Knight: Onwards my subjects, take to the sky!

The rats somehow start spinning faster, and faster, so fast that they almost clash with the ceiling, but they manage to stabilize. Without effort, they lift the entire team.

King Knight’s Rats: Rats, rats, we are the rats! Celebrating yet another birthday bash! 

King Knight: Sing with glory, and sing with honor! Remember what me and my… mother… taught you…

Futaba: …huh.

(Gold P.E.N.I.S then reaches the ledge. King Knight snaps out of his trance and gives his rats headpats and some treats, Futaba looks at him in worry.)

BFDI Rocky: (While eating popcorn) Well that was quick. Kinda lame, but whatever..

Maverick: I mean, you can be both quick and enjoyable! The Mario movie was like that! But yeah, this lacked tension.

Shavis returns with DS

Shavis: Huh, did the first team to the ledge seriously do it without any major problems.

Certaminis: Looks like Gold P.E.N.I.S is the first one to finish. Guess you could say they… came quick.

Dusk: I’m not gonna say anything  .

DS:

Maverick: None of you guys make any sense.

(Cut to Whoa. Kaos is toying with some sort of doohickey, while the rest of the team is watching.)

Kaos: Come on, come on!

Flavio: Five bucks says he‘ll fail!

Pillow: 10 bucks says someone dies!

Neil Cicierega: 15 bucks on floor corn.

Thirteen: I’ll just stay out of this…

Dusk: Good idea.

Kaos manages to get a spell to work, he fires it at Flavio, he glows, starts floating and… explodes into a mushy mess that explodes into light particles.

Pillow: You now all owe me 10 bucks.

Kaos: … And nothing of value was lost. Who’s next?

Certaminis: What is wrong with you people?! You killed Flavio!

DS: So? Bro dies all the time!

Certaminis: Eh, true.

(Certaminis snaps his fingers and revives Flavio.)

Flavio: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT KAOS-

Kaos: I was trying to use a flight spell, but I guess your face got in the way too early and turned into an explosion spell.

Flavio: Implying that MY face is the problem? The nerve!

Pillow snatches 10 bucks from Flavio’s pocket.

Thirteen: Maybe I can help? I have something…

Thirteen forms into a 13x1 shape, and rays sprout from his sides. He tries to fly up, but accidentally crashes into a rock and collapses to the ground in 13 ones. The ones then reform into Thirteen.

Thirteen: Owie… Nevermind…

Neil Cicierega: Let me do something, THIRTEEN.

Thirteen immediately splits. The three land on Neil. 

(Neil takes the three and the ten and forcefully shoves them back together.)

Neil Cicierega: Bustin' makes me feel good.

Thirteen shivers while looking at Neil.

(Neil suddenly grows red horns on top of his head, and his head turns into a lemon. He grows greatly in size, towering over the other members of Whoa. Flavio looks terrified at this, Pillow is just smiling. Thirteen is horrified. Kaos looks in question of his existence.)

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍: 𝚃𝚆𝙾 𝚃𝚁𝚄𝙲𝙺𝚂 𝙷𝙰𝚅𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚂𝙴𝚇! 𝚃𝚆𝙾 𝚃𝚁𝚄𝙲𝙺𝚂 𝙷𝙰𝚅𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚂𝙴𝚇!

Kaos: … What?! 

Flavio: WHAT DID HE TURN INTO WHAT?!

Flavio starts running around in a panic. When he runs in front of Pillow, she smacks him down and he falls unconscious.

DS: I believe he is referring to the act of sexual intercourse between two vehicles designed to-

Thirteen: NONONONONO!

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍: 𝙼𝚈 𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙲𝙻𝙴𝚂, 𝙼𝚈 𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙲𝙻𝙴𝚂, 𝙸𝙽𝚅𝙾𝙻𝚄𝙽𝚃𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙻𝚈 𝕱𝕷𝕰𝖃!

(Reality glitches for a moment… before all members of Whoa suddenly teleport to the ledge. Neil reverts back into his normal form.)

Neil Cicierega: Ladies and gentlemen, Spirit Phone Number 5.

Kaos: … Yeah I still don’t get it. But good job “dude”!

DS: Well, that’s one way to do it. Whoa is safe!

Flavio then wakes up.

Flavio: Wh… Huh? What-

Thirteen: I DON'T KNOW, AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

Pillow: Questions are for the weak.

Kaos: Although the stupidest question is the one that isn’t asked.

Neil Cicierega: Wow wow west.

(Cut to Monkey Screeches.)

Daffy: Look, I’m a Tune! That means that I can do anything, even if they are completely improbable! So let me make this easy for you all! Daffy, away!

(Daffy takes out a rocket out of nowhere, and sets it up. Instead of going up, it blows up in his and his team’s face.)

Donald: What’s the big idea?! Your “Tune Logic” meant nothing! 

Daffy: I’d like to see you try then!

Donald: Fine!

He tries to climb up, but also fails, just like Daffy. He does so more and more times, but each time still comically failing, until he bursts into rage.

Daffy: At least I’m not the inferior one.

Reagan is currently trying to create some machine with whatever she has. She’s surprisingly doing well. Donkey Kong watches in interest, without fucking anything up, just being chill with the events, since he knows that not even he can complete the Hyrule jump. Shit recovery and all that.

Reagan: Well, this is a new record for the least amount of time for me to make shit.

Reagan reveals her old arm-pack, now connected to a huge turbine that’ll help them fly. She basically made a jetpack with arms.

Reagan: Then again, a Jetpack is very basic for creations. 

Reagan wears and turns on the jetpack. Donkey Kong grabs the rest of his team, and hangs on to dear life, accidentally squishing the ducks.

Reagan: Hang on.

The entire team of Monkey Screeches flies to the ledge… except Squidward, as he slipped out of DK’s hand before take off.

Squidward: WAAAAAGH! 

Regan gives DK a dirty look, who sheepishly grins in response

BFDI Rocky: Finally someone doesn’t get an instant win!

Dusk: You can say that again, was getting to cliche, and speaking of which.

A portal appears above them, and out comes a cartoon character with a vest and a red bow.

Bendy (Bendy and the Ink Machine/Dark Revival)

Recommended by: mango65

Dusk: Lemme guess, Shade was trying to use the portal gun?

Bendy nods with a smile

Dusk: I should’ve guessed

Dusk opens his own portal and launches Bendy towards it.

Dusk: SHADE: STOP FUCKING SHIT UP!

Shade: YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

Her: DUSK YOU MOTHERFU-

Dusk closes the portal on them.

DS: Oh shit, that’s right! Recommended characters!

DS snaps his fingers. A blue anteater with glasses comes out of a portal, trips, falls, and breaks his neck on a small rock, killing him.

Sniffles, from Happy Tree Friends

Recommended by Dee

Shavis: Bro came and went just like that

DS: He’s a Happy Tree Friends character. What’re you gonna do?

Shavis: Well, time to show my part of the recommended characters (namely cause no one here will do it)

A hooded object figure and a green-pink haired cat appear from a portal that are just going to act like an audience because despite them appearing in the middle they were implemented late.

Polygondonut

Recommended by AriaWithoutaY.

Hoood/Nethr

Recommended by [the recommender preferred to be anonymous]

(Cut to Certaminis, who is playing Akinator.)

Akinator (Akinator)

Recommended by FrostForged

Akinator: Is the character you are thinking about… Hopper?

Certaminis: FUCK! How did you know?

Akinator: You responded “Yes” when I asked you “Are they your worst enemy?”.

Certaminis: Ah. Fair.

(Squidward then lands next to Certaminis, flattened into calamari.)

Certaminis: Ew! Tartar sauce!

Akinator: Shouldn’t you revive him?

Maverick: Nah, I want to see how eating a contestant feels like. 

(Maverick eats all the calamari.)

Maverick: That felt like eating someone who’s hopes and dreams are buried. Okay, now you can revive him.

(Certaminis snaps his fingers and revives Squidward at the beginning.)

Squidward: Barnacles! Well, at least I have a backup plan.

Squidward spits into his tentacles, rubs them together and begins to climb using his suction cups

(Cut to Painful Dreamers. Arceus looked up at the ledge, seeing those who already made it.)

Arceus: So it seems carrying others is allowed… Very well, I have a simple solution for this challenge. I will carry everyone to the end.

Asgore Dreemurr: That sounds like a good plan… There may be some slight complications, but I’m sure it will work out in the end.

Lofi Girl: Alright, let’s do it, let’s just hope Pokemon logic fails us now.

Timmy: TIMMY!

Tom:

(Everyone gets on Arceus, and he teleports them to the end. However, Tom ends up falling off halfway, because of the down arrow from earlier, which teleported during the teleporting.)

Asgore Dreemurr: … And therein lies the catch-22.

Cut to Tom at the bottom.

Tom:

Cut back to the rest of Painful Dreamers.

???: This is problematic.

Timmy seemed worried when this voice echoed into his teammates’ heads. This is because it seemed to be him saying it, which is odd, since he wasn’t even opening his mouth. Arceus, having recognized “Timmy”’s voice, looks over at him… Before going back to minding his own business.

Asgore Dreemurr: …

Shavis: With that the only ones left to focus on is Tom, Squidward and the entirety of Goddammit.

Lofi Girl: Eh, I’m not too worried about it, he’ll come here somehow. He may never catch that mouse, but against anything else, he’s good.

Cut to Goddamnit.

Jaune: There’s that feeling again! It’s like we’ve been standing here for a whole ‘nother week!

Staci: Eh? What are you talking about?

Big Man starts making certain gestures, but of course, since he has fins, no one can understand him.

Big Man: Ay ay!

Himiko: My magic detected some weird things happening to time, if that helps…

Staci: Maybe my great great great great aunt would know, she invented clocks!

Big Man: Ay ay ay ay!

Himiko: Lemme guess, before her people only used sundials?

Staci: How’d you know?

Big man starts getting tired and makes a gurgling sound, he spits some inky substance onto Jaune’s foot to get his attention.

Jaune: Ugh! So this is what it feels like to have vomit on your shoe. Which reminds me, I still gotta apologize to Yang for that.

Big Man loses his shit, grabs Himiko, and flops into the ground with her, creating a manta ray phantasm.

Jaune: What the-

Himiko: “gargled” Gee, if you wanted a hug so badly, you could’ve just asked…

Big Man, now in his inky state, jumps onto the lower part of the stage, and starts releasing bombs to propel himself and Himko towards the edge of the stage. Before touching the ledge, he releases three smaller phantasms so that they can carry Jaune, Staci and as much as he was weirded out by him, Quagmire.

Staci: Whoa, cool…

Jaune: Didn’t know manta rays could have semblances,but I guess this makes sense, considering Ruby’s dog…

The smaller phantasms begin to fail under pressure, and long story short now Staci, Jaune, and Quag are still at the bottom.

Jaune: Well, shit.

Big Man: Ay, ay. ( Translation: Well shit.)

Staci: Are we supposed to be going up now…?

Jaune: Welp, looks like we gotta find an alternative.

Staci: How about climbing? Would that work?

Jaune: Great idea, Staci! How’d I not think of that?

Despite everything, Jaune wasn’t being sarcastic. He legitimately hadn’t thought of that.

Jaune: So how do we climb this thing?

Quagmire: I think-

Jaune: Any other ideas?

Out of the blast zone, a missile shaped projectile landed next to them.

Staci: Oh, that looks like a missile! Missiles were invented by my great great-

Jaune: Wait, Staci! I dunno if this is actually a missile or not…

…

Jaune: Should we kick it?

Staci: Sure!

They kick it.

…

Jaune: Huh. I guess it doesn’t do anythi-

It blows up, killing them.

BFDI Rocky: Finally some content that’s giving my popcorn’s worth! …Anyone want any?

Dusk: 7.5/10, too much salt, get me some butter and cheese on it and we have a deal.

Certaminis: gib caramel

DS: I want Twizzlers.

Maverick: I’d go for some Skittles, and also some popcorn themed jelly beans.

BFDI Rocky: You got it! Oh, and also…

Staci, Jaune and Quagmire pop back into existence, right where they died. BFDI Rocky and Dusk then leave.

Jaune: Neat. Well, that plan was a bust. You got anything, Staci?

Staci: Hmm, climbing was my only one, sorry.

Jaune: Oh! I’ve got an idea!

…

Staci: …So-

Jaune: I got nothing. I just said that and hoped I could think of something.

Big Man flops down on the ground in defeat over where he was standing. Himiko pats him in the back.

Staci: Hmm, let’s look around to see if there’s anything useful!

Jaune: Good plan.

Jaune spots a rock.

Jaune: I found a rock.

Staci: Can we do something with that?

Jaune: Yup!

Jaune throws the rock at Quagmire.

Jaune: And that’s about it.

Quagmire: OW, GOD!

Staci: Oh-

Jaune: You see anything else, Staci?

Staci looks around and sees a small rocket ship.

Staci: What about this thing? My Great Great Great Grandfather would know about this, he invented rocket ships! Before him, no one could ever go to space!

Jaune: Can we even fit in that thing?

Staci: I… Don’t think so. Maybe we can ride on top of it?

Quagmire: You can ride on top of my-

Jaune: (covering Quagmire’s mouth quickly) Welp, when in Rome… Wait, what’s Rome? Never mind. Just hop on.

Jaune, Staci and Quagmire all hop on top of it. They… barely fit on. (that’s what she said)

Jaune: …So do we just-

The rocket activates. They fly up a short distance…

Staci: Oh, this might work!

..and then they immediately drop back down at high speeds, a small explosion is caused upon impact with the ground. They all die. DS comes in.

DS: Why do I feel like this team is gonna be the new Oops? Just… Minus the crackship.

Dusk: This is getting sad.

DS recovers them by pulling them out of his backpack. He then leaves. Cut over to Tom, who’s still by himself.

Tom:

Lofi Girl: TOM! YOU’RE A CARTOON REMEMBER? NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO PULL SOMETHING OUT OF THAT HAMMERSPACE OF YOURS!

Tom begins to think.

Tom:

Tom gets an idea, and like all cartoons, gains a lightbulb on top of his head. He takes out an ACME rocket (supplied by good toon friend of his, Wile E. Coyote). He lights the rocket and it flies into the air.

Tom:

Daffy: (From his ledge) Why does his cartoon logic actually work?!

Asgore Dreemurr: My word, it’s working! He’s approaching the ledge fast!

Timmy claps in excitement and joy.

Lofi Girl: ACME don’t fail us now!

The rocket blows up. Tom gets sent flying into the air, accompanied by his signature scream.

…But thanks to trigonometry, he flies in the direction of the end! He lands on the platform.

Arceus: Wonderful, I believe that means-

BFDI Rocky: That you’re up for elimination!

DS:

Arceus: …

BFDI Rocky: Wow okay you actually look a bit intimidating- I was kidding you’re safe.

(Certaminis slaps BFDI Rocky on the back of the head. …Or at least his body. IDK how bell physiology works.)

Certaminis: You’re twelve days late for April Fools, dumbass!

BFDI Rocky: Wait, we’re in April?

Dusk: Dumbass.

Stellar: Shut up. I’m trying to watch the challenge. Squidward and the majority of Goddamnit still have to make it.

Cut to Squidward halfway up the temple, using his suction cups to make his way up

Squidward: And they thought all I could do was play the clarinet. Heh, this will show them.

DS is watching from afar.

DS: He’s like Suction Cup Man.

Dusk: Look at him go.

DS: …Hey, you wanna know a confirmed character for TWSGS 2?

BFDI Rocky: It’s Kokichi.

Dusk: How do we know that’s not a lie?

BFDI Rocky turns into Kokichi.

Kokichi: I dunno, how do we know?

DS: Easy. We don’t.

Dusk screams and punches “Kokichi” in the face.

Kokichi: OWWW, that hurt! Anyway, let’s see what Goddamnit’s up to!

Jaune, Staci and Quagmire are still searching around for any items on the ground.

Staci: Come on… Something… Anything!

Jaune: How hard is it to find something that can help?!

Staci sees a few headbands that look like bunny ears on the ground.

Jaune: Oh. Not that hard, apparently.

Staci: Yah, headbands were invented by my Great Great Great Uncle! Before him, people only used hats to wear on their head.

Quagmire: Bunny ears? What is this, the Playboy Mansion? 

Staci: I’ll try one on!

Staci puts one on and she suddenly starts running faster than usual.

Staci: WHOAAA, how am I going so fast?!

Jaune: Let me try! It’s not like I haven’t worn bunny clothes before.

Jaune puts one on. He jumps so high he crashes into the ceiling, depleting a bit of aura.

Jaune: OW!

Staci: It makes us jump high too? Ooh, this could be our way up!

Jaune lands.

Jaune: Let’s try it.

Jaune runs and jumps, but he just ends up launching himself, losing control, flailing around, and falling into the blast zone.

Dusk: YES, OUR FIRST BLAST ZONE DEATH, LET’S SEE HIS REACTION!

Dusk snaps and brings him back to life.

Jaune: Well, that didn’t work.

Dusk, who was holding his phone on mic mode, was now disappointed.

Dusk: GODDAMMIT! THAT’S IT?

Jaune: Hey, you fall into an endless void once, you might as well do it again.

Jaune walks back over to his team. He then looks over to Squidward.

Jaune: Oh shoot, he’s actually getting so far ahead!

Staci: We gotta act fast!

Jaune: Quick! Let’s throw random shit at him!

Quagmire: Now you’re talking!

Jaune, Quagmire and Staci proceed to throw random shit at him. 

Squidward: WOAH! HEY! Who’s throwing all this stuff?

Staci: WE ARE!

Jaune: YEAH! WHAT’RE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?!

Staci remembers that she still has the bunny ears on.

Staci: I have an idea!

Staci jumps up and while panicking at first, is able to grab onto Squidward.

Staci: I got you!

Jaune: Great job, Staci!

Squidward: Get off me, you bottom feeder! 

Squidward begins to lose his balance, while Big Man and Himiko cheer for their team.

Himiko: Come on, Staci!

Big Man: AY AY!

However, Squidward doesn’t have to make too much effort in shaking Staci off, causing her to fall and die from the bottom blast zone. Squidward has slipped down quite a bit but is still on the temple.

Squidward: Phew! 

BFDI Rocky: And there goes Staci! I heard her Great Great Great Great Grandmother invented blast zones. Before her, there weren’t restrictions on how far you can fall on Smash Bros stages. How interesting.

DS: I heard that her Great Great Great Great Grandmother was fat.

Dusk: I heard the sound of her demise.

Certaminis: I heard the bird is the word!

Maverick: I heard that Death is coming and we are all about to perish soon.

Shavis: And I heard, that this joke ran its course.

Staci appears back with Jaune and Quagmire.

Jaune: So… Throw more shit?

Staci: Throw more shit.

Quagmire, Jaune and Staci throw more shit. Squidward tries desperately to dodge them but is slipping fast. Donkey Kong screams in worry.

Jaune: Hey, Squidward! I wrote you a song!

Squidward: …WHAT?

Jaune: I goes a little something like this:

Jaune takes out a guitar. He plays a single chord.

Jaune: FUCK YOU!

Jaune throws a Pokéball, and hits Squidward in the face. IT however doesn’t catch him, and instead, releases Kartana, who notices the shine on Jaune’s sword, instead of Squidward.

Dusk: BASED KARTANA!

Certaminis: LMAO, looks like he got hoisted by his own petard. Or peen.

Kartana aims his arms in the form of a blade, and points at Jaune.

Jaune: What is it doing?

Kartana: .niaga ,niaga tuc I tcejbo sselhtrow A

Kartana flies backwards and starts speeding up towards Jaune.

Jaune: Oh shit.

Jaune grabs his sword…

…and immediately runs away.

Jaune: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Kartana seems enraged at his cowardness, and to pity Jaune, he doesn’t cut him in half…

… he does however cut the entire stage in half, so that he doesn’t have anywhere to run towards.

DS: Oh fuck. That thing just turned this place into Midgar!

Dusk: I love that Ultra Beast!

Jaune: Fuck, fuck, fuck! Uh…

Jaune searches around. He spots a star.

Certaminis: Go Kartana and Squidward!

Kartana: !NIAGA !NIAGA !NIAGA ,tuc I

Jaune grabs the star and becomes rainbow colored. Kartana tries slashing Jaune in half, and just when he reaches him, he bounces off directly to the blast zone, just barely missing Squidward.

Dusk: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- Oh well.

Jaune: Phew. Thank Oum.

Jaune walks back over to his team as the power-up runs out.

Jaune: So what now?

Suddenly, a Smash Ball appears.

Staci: What’s that-

Jaune: We should do what we always do.

Jaune kicks the ball. It falls off the Blast Zone and lands next to Himiko, since it was the version that is gravity affected.

Himiko: Hm?

Himiko picks it up and closely inspects it. She then stores it for later use. How? Magic.

Jaune: Welp. Back to square one. And by square one, I mean throwing shit.

By this point, Squidward was closely getting to the ledge.

Squidward: (tired) Almost…there.

At this point, the ducks joined DK in cheering for the cephalopod.

Donald: Yes! Show them how the grumpy underdog wins in the end!

Daffy: And more importantly, if you don’t, we’ll sacrifice you to the viewers!

Staci: Hey Jaune, look!

Jaune: What is it, Staci?

Staci shows Jaune a jetpack.

Staci: It’s a jetpack! We could use this!

Jaune: Holy shit, you’re right! We could throw it at Squidward!

Staci: Yah! Wait-

Jaune: …You meant to use it to fly up to the ledge, didn’t you?

Staci: …Yeah.

Jaune: …I honestly don’t know what I was thinking there. Okay, you fly up to the ledge, while I distract Squidward.

Staci: Alright, let’s do this!

Staci takes the jetpack and starts to fly up to the ledge. Meanwhile, Jaune does what he does best and throws some shit.

(Squidward is almost at the top of the ledge. At this point, he doesn’t give a shit and dodges the things Jaune throws.)

Jaune: You know what-

Jaune assembles the Daybreaker, and fires a giant ass kamehameha sized laser at Squidward….

… It however, does nothing to him, as he has suffered worse from Spongebob at Tuesdays.

Squidward: (fried but still alive somehow) Too bad that didn’t kill me.

Reagan sees this from the ledge

Reagan: How the fuck-

Daffy: Tune Logic Reagan. Good old Tune Logic.

Staci then makes it to the ledge.

Staci: I did it, I got up! I won a challenge! Yay me-

Shavis: Not yet, not everyone made it, everyone needs to be here.

Certaminis: And Squidward is just two centimeters from reaching the end!

Jaune: Uh…

Jaune looks around frantically, but sees another Pokeball.

Jaune: …Fuck it.

Jaune throws the Pokeball down onto the ground. Out comes an Abra.

Jaune: (mentally) Please don’t kill me, please don’t kill me-

Abra: (mentally) Fack you.

Jaune: (mentally) Wha-

(Abra teleports him next to the ledge. At the last second, Jaune grabs on and climbs onto it.)

Jaune: Holy fuck, we did it!

Staci: Woohoo, we won!

Himiko: Let’s go!

Big Man: Ay!

Jaune: Wait, are we forgetting something?

DS: I believe your team is lacking some… giggity.

Jaune, Staci, and Himiko: …Fuck, we forgot Quagmire.

Big Man: … Ay. (Translation: …Fuck, we forgot Quagmire.)

Finally, Squidward reaches the top.

Dusk: FINALLY!

Squidward: Well it would’ve been quicker if Mr Butterfingers over there (he points at DK) didn’t drop me in the first place!

DK laughs in embarrassment.

Certaminis: Well, Monkey Screeches is finished. Which means Goddamnit is on the chopping block!

DS: Looks like I won the bet.

Dusk: Again, this is why I don’t make bets.

Maverick: We were taking bets?

Shavis: Well that was a long ending or short beginning depending on how you view what just happened.

Stellar: DS, you know what that means, right?

DS: I gotta go make the form?

Stellar: No. What I meant was…

Stellar pulls out a VHS tape.

Stellar: You can witness the first VagShot ever.

DS: Oh hell yeah!

DS happily takes the VHS tape.

DS: Time to watch a lady get kicked in the crotch, which out loud sounds really questionable.

Dusk: Don’t you witness that all the time tho?

DS: Yeah, but this one is special!

Dusk: Huh, I didn’t notice that.

Stellar: DS, you still gotta make the form before you watch it.

DS: Oh yeah, uh…

DS takes out a computer, types some shit, and hits enter.

DS: Viewers! Voting ended sorry .

Cut to the hosts back at it again in the white void.

Dusk: I feel even more dead inside than usual. I’m tired.

Stellar: You’re tired? I feel alive! Probably because it’s midnight. I am a bat.

DS: Same. I never sleep.

BFDI Rocky: Well I dunno about you, but I’m going back to my show to host that now. See ya!

BFDI Rocky goes into a portal.

DS: See ya for the crossover, Rocky!

BFDI Rocky: Wait, what crosso-

The portal closes.

Maverick: A crossover? Great, now I might have to finally catch up on TWGS. As if I’m not behind on a bunch of other stuff already.

Certaminis: Time to go home! ANAN lost again - gotta eliminate one of them!

(Certaminis opens a portal and exits to his universe.)

Stellar: I live here, so… DS wanna watch that tape now?

DS: Of course.

Dusk: I’m going to sleep. Take care everyone.

Stellar: TO THE BATCAVE!

Shavis: You guys go do that I am just going to be here reflecting on the things that happened today.

(Insert Batman Transition here)

Stellar and DS are in an actual cave on the planet, with a tv system hooked up to probably every console conceivable and a computer at the very depths. Dusk is seen sleeping mid-air with his cape acting as a cocoon at the back, not affected by the TV.

DS: Holy [insert god here]. I feel like I just stepped into the 3000s. …Or at least a Japanese movie set.

Stellar: Thank you! The couch is right there.

Stellar points to the ceiling, where the couch indeed is.

DS: Huh. Neat.

Stellar: Now anyways… would you do the honors?

DS: Of course.

DS inserts the VHS into the TV.

DS: Oh man, this is gonna be so good!

The video starts. Maverick flies in because he forgot to leave.

Maverick: I’m supposed to leave now righ- AAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! WHAT THE WHAT IS THAT?! NO. NOPE. NOPITY NOPE NOPE. I’M OUT. SEE YOU GUYS LATER. HAVE FUN WITH YOUR WEIRD CROTCH FETISHES. BYE!

(He leaves through his own portal.)

Cut to Pillow with money. She hums as she inserts her stolen 5 dollar bill into what seems to be a red vending machine. However, nothing comes out.

Pillow: Wow, nothing! Just what I wanted!

Pillow takes her nothing and moves on with her day. It’s then revealed that the vending machine was not a vending machine, but Roboty.

Roboty (Battle For Dream Island)

Recommended by White_Tiger

Roboty: .-- .... -.-- / -.. --- . ... -. .----. - / .- -. -.-- -... --- -.. -.-- / -. --- - .. -.-. . / -- . ..--..

Dusk is heard laughing in his sleep.

…

Meanwhile, at G.O.L.D. Penis’ rooms, King Knight is putting his rats in their respective cages.

King Knight: Rest well my subjects, you’ve earned it.

King Knight was about to go to bed himself, until someone knocked at his door.

King Knight: Who is it?

???: It’s me, Futaba.

King Knight: Ah, do come in.

Futaba comes in with concern written all over her face. King Knight approaches carefully and nervously puts a hand on the girl’s shoulder.

King Knight: Are you alright? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.

Futaba: Oh no, nothing like that, actually, I have something to ask you…

King Knight: Hmm? Well then, I won’t hold you, what’s on your mind?

Futaba: Well, you keep mentioning your mother a lot, and, I speak from experience but… did something happen to her?

King Knight flinches for a moment before sitting on his bed and offering Futaba as space to sit, she obliges.

King Knight: …If you’re wondering… she’s still well and kicking, it’ll take a ton to get her down.

Futaba: Oh thank god, but, if that isn’t the problem… Why do you always speak of her in a more sad tone?

King Knight: … Let’s just say, before all of this, I wasn't the best person… It's a long story…

Futaba looks at him solemnly, and decides to speak up.

Futaba: Well, I’ve probably met worse people than you, and I've got time, so… tell me more.

She says this with a smile, which in return, makes King Knight smile a bit, still being a bit sad, and even starts tearing up.

King Knight: Well, it all started a few years ago…

Cut to Woah’s Hotel room, where Thirteen looks in a mirror. He seems sad.

Thirteen: …I miss them…

Thirteen then splits into Twelve and One.

Twelve: At least we still have ourselves.

One: But of course!

12 + 1 adds back to 13.

Thirteen: Maybe I’ll finally have some luck… someday.

Flavio: HEY THIRTEEN!

Thirteen splits, and then three instantly crashes into Flavio. 

Three and Flavio: Ow! 

Three and Ten add back up.

Thirteen: Flavio, Don’t say my name!

Flavio: Oops-

Cut to Goddamnit.

Jaune: Man, I can't believe we're gonna lose a member.

Staci: Yah. I wish my great great great great great uncle never invented losing! Before him, people always won!

Himiko: Having one less member is gonna be such a pain...

Quagmire: I still can't believe you guys forgot me!

Jaune: Bold of you to assume it wasn't on purpose.

Himiko: It was probably a subconscious decision...

Staci: Probably.

Quagmire: Why you little-

Quagmire picks a up a rock and throws it at Jaune. He misses and manages to hit Himiko in the crotch. She bends over in pain.

Himiko: Owie... Do that again, and I'll be forced to use my magic to make your penis small.

Quagmire: Try me.

Himiko: Skidaddle skidoodle, your dick is now a noodl-

Quagmire: OKAY, I'D RATHER NOT RISK IT!

Cut to Shavis outside at the roof.

Shavis: (“That was disorganized and I know it. I am also aware that this is being read. If you or someone you know are interested in this please bookmark it to not miss out when another episode arrives. I just wonder how things will go the way it is heading.”) Well, time to intercept and advertise.

[In another universe, sometime later]———————

A poster lands on the grass in the middle of the night. A figure picks it up, revealing that the poster was asking for interns.

???: (What is this?)

While they’re holding it, a portal forms in front of them. Stellar comes out, tired as hell.

Stellar: So, it seems fate chose you. Very well then. Join us, and we’ll guarantee excitement, my new intern.

Stellar smiles, before leading the figure through the portal, for hopefully the last time.

Chapter Text

Open on Goddamnit at a table.

Jaune: Man, I’m bored.

Himiko: Same.

…

Jaune: You guys wanna play some Uno?

Staci: No, but my great aunt invented Uno! Before her, people had to pick other card games to play! Shame, since Uno’s great!

Himiko: That’s gonna be a pain, since I don’t have that…

Jaune: Everyone has Uno, Himiko.

An explosion can be heard from afar. Stellar is heard from the hall.

Stellar : GODDAMNIT!

Jaune: Yeah?

Staci: Yes?

Himiko: Did somebody call us?

Stellar looks into the room. She looks very tired, and seems to be holding something wrapped in a blanket.

Stellar: No, That was a swear of anger, not me calling your name. Now don’t tell the other hosts I’m up at Noon trying to escort someone.

Jaune: Phew. Almost thought it was time for the elimination.

Himiko: That couldn’t be it… This is a bonus episode…

Staci: Bonus episode?

Jaune: Since when could you break the fourth wall, Himiko?

Himiko: Maaaagic~

Stellar: Anyways… Don’t tell the host I am carrying something here, or else I’ll turn your insides out for the rest of the-

Dusk enters very tiredly with tomato in hand. DS also enters as well with a barrel full of crackers.

Dusk: What’cha got there?

DS: Is it a baby?

Stellar: Uhhhhhhhhh- WHAT'S THAT?!

Stellar kicks Himiko in the crotch and leaves immediately, going somewhere else in the hotel.

Himiko: Owie…

Dusk: That’s a little sus, and as a legal big brother (not really) it is my job to find out.

DS: You only say that ‘cuz you recently got into Among Us.

Dusk: Common misconception, that was Shade, not me.

DS: Ah, that makes sense. ….Sorta.

Dusk: Don’t think too much about it, I once took a blood sample from him while he was sleeping, the machine broke because it found a paradox. 

DS: I don’t normally think, so I should be fine.

Dusk: Good for you buddy.

Back to Stellar, who holed herself in the security room. She looks at the thing she is holding and whispers to herself.

Stellar : Okay, just gotta give you the gift of speech, and you’ll be good to go so I can finally sleep…

???: Who are you talking to?

Stellar looks over to who spoke, it is revealed it was Lofi Girl, who was writing some stuff down.,

Stellar: Lofi? Since when were you here? I thought you were watching Timmy or something.

Lofi Girl: I was in my room, but I got bored… also the door was open.

Stellar: Shit, I gotta lock that before they see-

Lofi Girl: What even is it?

Tom walks in, too. 

Lofi pets him.

Stellar: I can’t say! It’s a surprise! Now, you two do not tell the hosts about this, or I’ll kill you in the most gruesome way plausible.

Lofi Girl: Okay okay geez… although I don’t think that’s gonna stop Tom.

Stellar: I’ll freeze him for eternity then.

Lofi Girl, knowing the bullshittery of toon force, decided to not say anything else, and just continued writing down stuff.

Stellar: Anywho, gotta go.

Lofi Girl: K.

Stellar leaves once again. 

Lofi Girl: … So what do you plan to do with this information Tom?

Tom: Probably nothing.

Lofi Girl looks astonished at Tom talking, but decides to not push it. She didn’t need another boy across the window situation, she has had enough social interaction for today.

This time Stellar goes onto the roof.

Stellar: Okay, there’s no way someone can be-

Timmy: TIMMEH!

Stellar looks over to Timmy, dumbfounded.

Stellar: Wha- OH COME ON!

Timmy then seemed really focused all of a sudden, as Stellar could hear a voice in her head.

Timmy : You should really be more careful this time.

Stellar: Yeah, Yeah. I’m lucky he’s unconscious right now, but I’m almost done.

Timmy: Very well. I’m merely reminding to prevent past mistakes-

Stellar: Why are you here anyways? The roof is reserved for hosts and the next guys.

Timmy: I have my ways, and I thought you might’ve needed some advice.

Stellar: Whatever. I might as well show them already, and stop trying to hide your powers. It’s cliche.

Stellar flies off, leaving Timmy behind.

Timmy: I admit, it may be cliche, but it’s also strategic.

Cut to Shavis who is seen bringing the entire next challenge to the competition grounds and saw the whole thing despite not being in the same area as Stellar for the past couple of scenes.

Shavis: (“Don’t question my power audience. Also, shoot seems like interns will have to be today huh. I will get to that later.”)

Dusk teleports next to him.

Dusk: Bet there’s gonna be that guy in there that says “uhm actually” or some shit.

As if on cue, Stellar crashes in, tired yet satisfied.

Dusk: Sup sis?

Stellar: Sup- ITS FINALLY TIME!

Dusk: Time for what?

DS walks in rolling a barrel for some reason.

Stellar: MY BOY CAN BE SHOWN! I couldn’t make him speak yet- BUT HERE HE IS!

DS: So it was a baby! Good for you, Stellar. You’ll make a great mom.

Stellar: …What, no. I’m single and I’m never gonna have children again.

DS: I almost thought you were about to say that you were ready to mingle, but that’s just me-

Dusk: Damn, then I’m never gonna be an uncle. D:

Stellar: What I meant…

Stellar removes the blanket to reveal a wingless black bird.

Stellar: THIS!

DS: Second Angry Birds rep of the CECU? Wicked.

Dusk: Oh hey, it’s Bomb. Nice, I’ll bring the tnt.

Bomb wakes up, before chirping in confusion.

DS: Wait, didn’t we have an ‘only 3 characters per person’ policy?

Dusk: Oh yeah… wait, we don’t have interns, and the building is reeking…

Shavis: “Maybe, we can make an exception as they are interns meant to be by our side and assist us on things.” 

DS: It’s reeking? Can’t we just use our wacky host bullshit to clean it with a snap of a finger?

Dusk: I don’t mean that type of reeking, talking boutta the random holes that suck everything or everyone in and we gotta do something about it.

(Somewhere, in another universe, near an arena in the middle of nowhere, moaning can be heard.)

Stellar : Anywho, Imma give my guy some magic or just a change in reality so that he can speak.

DS: Oh, I know a guy who has something that can make animals talk!

Stellar: I think I would rather-

DS summons Phil from a portal.

DS: Heya, Phil!

Phil: Yo. What am I doing here? I’m not even supposed to appear until-

DS: Shush. Spoilers. Still got that creature communicator from Riddle Transfer?

Phil: Yup.

Stellar: Careful, he blows. Up.

Phil takes out a small megaphone shaped device.

Phil: Here ya go.

DS: Thanks, man.

DS takes the device and sends Phil back to TWSGS. DS then begins speaking into the device.

DS: Hello? Bomb?

DS lightly smacks the device a couple of times.

DS: Can you hear me?

Bomb: Could you be a bit careful? I don’t want to blow right now.

DS: Sorry.

Shavis: “And I am just going to get my intern out of myself.”

Out from Shavis walks out a well-dressed man in purple in a top hat and cosmic inner-lining who is surprised to be here.

Well-Dressed Man: “Now you could have just informed me we were starting now.”

Shavis: “Look RT I don’t care when I got you, but at least we didn’t wait til the end to introduce any of you.”

RTGame: “Okay then, I guess I will just get to know the others.”

Dusk: In that case, I know who I’m gonna call (he pulls out a phone), hello? I would like to speak to the big guy, you know who I’m talking about… Hey, so I need a favour, think you can come?... Alr, I’ll wait here. (he hangs up) He’ll be here soon, so expect reality to break in a few minutes.

DS: Oh shit, that’s right. Interns. Lemme just get out a list of people who wanted the job…

DS takes out a very long piece of paper. It’s so long that when it unrolls, it literally goes down an entire staircase.

Dusk: Damn, people are desperate.

DS: No, it’s just comically long. Only one person actually signed up.

Dusk: Idk if that’s more funny or sad…

DS: A little bit of both.

Stellar takes a piece of the long paper.

Stellar: I need this.

DS: Alright. Lemme just check who it was…

Dusk: On the meantime, is it just me? Or please confirm that the sky is turning pink.

DS: That’s just climate change.

Dusk: Idk, this feels different.

DS: Come to think of it, it does sorta smell like hamburgers.

Stellar: Well it could be- WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

Suddenly as if on cue, a yellow streak flew from the edge of the visible universe, and landed with such intensity that the building was shaken. The figure revealed themselves to be the one and only…

DS: Holy shit! It’s Ronald McDonald from hit fast food place McDonald’s!

Dusk: He has arrived. Ronald my friend, it’s good to see you.

Ronald: 夕暮れの私の友人、そして素晴らしいコスチューム、あなたとバディに会えてうれしいです。(Dusk my friend, and great customer, good to see you as well buddy.)

Shavis: “Well, I should have expected that we would meet those sorts. Good thing I left the subtitles on.”

Stellar: I smell Big Macs… AND I WANT THEM.

DS: I prefer the nuggets.

As on cue, Ronald takes Big Mac and Chicken McNuggets (with BBQ) out of nowhere and launches them perfectly into the hands of DS and Stellar.

Stellar (Big Mac in her mouth): Beauty has been achieved…

DS: Ye.

RTGame: “Well, I knew I was going to meet people from different worlds that  may or may not be familiar to me, but that is a strong start to what I can expect.”

Ronald: Rtさんを信じてください、これは私のような人に期待することは最も少ないです。(Trust me Mr. Rt, this is the least to expect from someone like me.)

RTGame: “Okay, and for the record I can understand Japanese just a bit. The subtitles help.”

DS: Isn’t McDonald’s an American company? Since when did this become Rivals of Aether?

Stellar: Yeah, but they serve Internationally. (She sucks the ketchup out of her big mac. Like a bat)

Dusk: And multiversally (he says while holding some Cheesy Bacon Fries). Way better than back on Earth, no offense Ronald.

Ronald: 何も取られず、私は改善に誇りを持っています (None taken, I pride myself in improvement.)

Stellar makes sure that Bomb can’t see the chicken nuggets, before sniffing something.

Stellar : Ugh , where’s that smell coming from?

DS: Is it the certain smell of bitch in here?

Stellar: No, it definitely doesn’t smell human. It’s definitely not the McDonalds stuff either.

Ronald: 私は、偉大な食糧戦争に従軍した古い友人のこの匂いを認識しています。誰も解読できなかった彼の雄大なレシピ。(I recognize this smell, of an old friend, who served in the great food war. His majestic recipe that none could decipher.)

RTGame: “Smells like KFC.”

DS: Oh yeah, that’s my intern.

On cue, a punk girl with a hammer walks in.

???: ねえ。(Hey.)

DS: Saiko Bichitaru, everybody! I snuck in an SMG4 rep!

Saiko: ここにいられてうれしいです、私は推測します。(Great to be here, I guess.)

Ronald notices her, and her smell of the Fried delicacy.

Ronald: こんにちはお嬢様、私はあなたが私の古い大佐の仲間の匂いを持っていることに気づきました。あなたは彼の食べ物のファンかもしれませんか? (Hello young lady, I notice you have the smell of my old colonel companion. Are you mayhaps a fan of his food?)

Saiko: 大きな時間。(Big time.)

Ronald: 私は技術的には彼の競争相手ですが、人々が彼の仕事と彼の食べ物を高く評価しているのを見ると、私の顔に笑顔が浮かびます。(As much as I am technically his competitor, it brings a smile to my face to see people appreciating his work and his food.

All of a sudden, a guy wearing a plain white shirt shows up right out of the blue, doing absolutely nothing.

DS: Wait, that doorway’s colored red! I think the narrator’s colorblind.

Well, it’s not my fault that I was born this way!

DS: Sorry.

???: “Hello there! What’s shakin’, everybody?”

DS: Nobody says that anymore-

Dusk: Yeah that’s old school.

???: “Oh.”

Stellar: We know you’re a boomer already. Just come out. We accept you.

???: “Very well then! I’m gay!” :D

Dusk: That’s an old meme, and could be considered offensive now-a-days. Unless you’re actually gay and I’m just overthinking things.

???: “You said come out, sooooo… Anyways, can I host?”

Dusk: … Who the hell even are you?

Shavis: “You were 1.5 episodes late Guy.”

Guy: “Well excuuuuuuuuse me, Princess! I’m technically the one who brought you all together! It was my contract you signed.”

Stellar: I don’t care, I haven’t slept in… what year is it?

DS: I’m too sleep deprived to keep count, lmao.

Stellar: Yeah, that’s fair-

Stellar passes out on the floor. Bomb hops over and pecks her to make sure she’s alive.

DS: Pathetic. Wait, what contract?

Guy: “The one I just said you guys all signed? Do I need to bring it out myself?”

Dusk: Yeah, none of us signed a contract, so you are clearly speaking bulls-

Guy snaps his fingers, causing a floating contract to appear. It has all the hosts’ signatures on it.

Guy: Ahem “You were saying?”

DS: Bro, that’s signed by some dude named “Cracker Barrel”, tf are you on about?

Dusk: And none of the guys I brought in signed anything, the fuck are you talking about?

An explosion can be heard before Stellar rushes back to the hosts.

Stellar: I'M UP- Wait a second… YOU’RE THE MAILMAN! SO THAT'S WHY EVERYONE IS IN MY DIMENSION!

Guy: “No, no, no! You see, you all signed my contract, so by agreeing to my terms, I let you all stay here to host a competition show! And the reason you don’t remember is because I wiped your memories!”

Shavis: “Yeah hard to believe with everything you are showing me.”

Stellar: W- Why would you wipe our memories if you don’t want us to not agree with it?! Sounds like the Bull is Shitting here.

Dusk: Nuh uh! No sir! The Devil is already over at ICTSA, and no way in hell is the contract real! That says “Duck” for Arceus’ sake!

DS: Blasphemy. That’s not even my handwriting. My handwriting looks like a cross between cursive and a blindfolded man trying to write Chinese kanji. With his feet.

Guy: “Are you suggesting I forged your signatures? I would never! Maybe you just have terrible handwriting!”

DS: I do have terrible handwriting. And my name isn’t even Cracker Barrel. Who the fuck even is that?

Stellar: Wait a second. (Reads through the contract) At least we seem to have a bit of superiority according to line 157.

(Suddenly, Certaminis suddenly appears.)

Certaminis: Sorry guys, I was busy with things… Hey, wait a second! You’re Guy Blanco! And that’s my (very fine) signature!

Guy: “BLANKO! With a K! Dipshit! It’s no wonder Hopper doesn’t even know you exist.”

Dusk: AHA, SO YOU WERE LYING ALL ALONG!

DS: The CC author doesn’t even read YAIDCOA.

Certaminis: 【B】 【R】 【U】 【H】

Stellar: Hey Guy, maybe you should at least give us our memories back if you wiped them. Then we’ll believe ya.

DS: And don’t just use those shitty flashback lights from DanganRonpa V3.

Guy: “Okay, okay, I’ll give you your memories back! Just, uhh…”

Guy pulls out those shitty flashback lights from DanganRonpa V3.

DS: I FUCKING CALLED IT.

Guy: “Hey pal, I don’t have anything else to use. Either this or no memories at all.”

Dusk: OH PAL-ESE, THAT’S FUCKING BULLCRAP!

Shavis: “Kind of impossible when I only know the truth.”

Stellar: Hey, V3 isn’t all that bad! Monodam is adorable!

Certaminis: Oh hell nah bro, the rest of the Monokubs are terrible and Cockichi is the worst antagonist. 

DS: Guess who my fav V3 character is.

Certaminis: Cuckichi?

DS: y   e   s

Guy: “Alright, time to flash you guys!”

DS: Bow chicka bow wow.

Stellar: Never say that again.

DS: No promises!

Guy flashes them with the Flashback Lights. The memories come flooding back, until he is smacked in the head by Dusk and Shavis, the former isn’t affected by mind based abilities and the latter just not there.

Shavis: (“Don’t question my abilities audience.”)

Dusk: Shut the fuck up! Anyone can see through fake memories!

DS: Joke’s on you, I’m wearing sunglasses, idiot. Also, I don’t have a mind- ANYWAYS. *smacketh Guy*

Certaminis: My memory is triple-fortified! I can tell that never happened! *also smacketh Guy*

Guy: “Ow! Stop that! You shouldn’t be treating the guy who brought you here so disrespectfully!”

DS: Skill issue! *triple smacketh*

Guy: “Dick!”

DS: Balls.

Dusk: Can’t we just kill him and get this over and done with? “He says as he kicks his dick”

DS: Shit, gotta maintain the balance, hold on-

DS proceeds to dial Red.

DS: (on the phone) Hey, Red. Could ya kick Blake in the crotch for me? Oh, she already got crotch-shot by pure coincidence and accident? Cool, just checking. *he hangs up*

Stellar: …So that’s why Guy isn’t a Mailman anymore…

Certaminis: …Anyways, what were you guys doing before Guy Fawkes over here burst in?

Guy: “Blanko!”

Dusk: Okay Blanka Street Fighter, whatever you say, go choke on a Pikachu smoothie.

Guy: >:(

Stellar : Interns. Bomb over there woke me up, so at least they’re useful.

Certaminis: Hmmm… that explains Ronald McDonald, Saiko, and RTGame…

Stellar: Saiko?

Dusk: The girl that DS called.

Stellar: Ooooooooh.

Guy: “I wanna have interns as well! I already know who I wanna bring in!”

Dusk: YOU ARE NOT A HOST! YOU ARE A HOBO! And not the funny kind.

DS: Phil Eggtree. No balls.

Phil Eggtree gets teleported to the place they’re at (again) idfk- 

Phil Eggtree: “Oh cool, I’m back for real this time. I guess you finally let Guy cook, huh?”

DS: Indeed.

Stellar: Guy, you know what? We’ll let ya host, but you can only have three interns and no contestants. Sounds like a fitting deal.

Guy: “Deal! I never actually intended to have any contestants in the first place, so might as well summon my second intern.”

DS: Go ahead.

Dusk facepalms.

Stellar : I have no regrets >=]

Guy summons a high-school teenager and the literal fucking state of Ohio.

MC: !

Ohio: “Oh golly me! I didn’t think we’d be starting so early! In any case, let me introduce myself! I am Ohio, the real life state! Pleasure to meet you!”

RTGame: “Well… welcome Ohio.”

Dusk: … I give up on my long gone sanity. Why is there an actual state standing next to us at full size?

DS: …I’d say something about this, but Anon hasn’t even gotten to that season yet-

Stellar: I suddenly have this weird feeling… it's been awhile since I last felt it- Oh wait it’s regret. Shit.

Certaminis: This is a dead meme.

Suddenly, rushing in from a portal, comes the great triangle man himself! No, not the one who tried to turn our world into a weirdness apocalypse, but the other one, the one known as Maverick!

Maverick: Guys I’m here! So what are we here for?

Stellar: Interns. Take it or leave it.

Maverick: Oh, so like the job I gave Volo in my show! 

Stellar: Have no idea who that is, but sure.

DS: You have horrible taste in interns.

Guy: “Maverick, my friend! What a pleasure it is for you to finally make an appearance!”

Maverick: Thank you! But also I don't know who you are and don’t know why I would already classify you as a friend. But thank you!

Guy: “Well, it’s quite simple, really! You are perhaps one of the most influential voters in the entirety of the CECU! My second favorite person overall, but still unable to even come CLOSE to my number 1!”

Maverick: Well, nice to have a fan here! But who’s number one?

Guy: “I can’t tell you I’m afraid for the sake of a dramatic reveal. But don’t worry, you’ll find out one day!”

Maverick: I love a good dramatic reveal! So I’m surprisingly okay with this.

Guy: Evil laughter

Maverick: That’s suspicious… but I don’t care! Let’s bring in my intern! Behold, this intern was rejected from CECU shows, many, many times, starting from her being replaced in my very own show because a bunch of weirdos convinced me to have the meme pick that is known as some random lady who’s fish died instead! But now, she’s here for redemption! Welcome, Mirabel Madrigal!

Stellar: You dirty motherfucker-

A portal comes up to reveal Mirabel.

Mirabel: Hello everyone! I know that I’ve been rejected so many times, but thank you for finally giving me a chance! I promise you, I’ll make you all proud! Thank you for answering my wish! For finally giving me the miracle I’ve been waiting for-

Maverick: Wait. Wait a minute. I just got word that there’s some new rule made for the CECU shows apparently. Let me check… um… wow… I, uh, I’m so, so sorry Mirabel. I never meant for this to happen. Look, I’ll just say it to you here Mirabel. 

Dusk: Oh boy.

DS: Ah geez.

Mirabel: Don’t worry, you have no reason to worry about me breaking your rules! I’ll be able to handle this!

Maverick: Yeah, well, here’s the rule. Rule 19: Mirabel is banned from ever competing lmao.

Dusk: Depression in 3, 2, 1.

Mirabel: (Starts to break down) But… why? What did I do?! Why does the world keep on denying me any chance to be anything more than a nobody?!

Maverick: Because life isn’t fair.

DS: Plus, it was a joke.

Dusk: Also probably because of the bomb strapped to your chest.

Mirabel: A what?!

The bomb blows up, but she miraculously does not die. Maybe this is a sign that the world is giving her a chance? No, probably not. Anywho, the person who strapped the bomb onto her comes out of Maverick’s portal.

Jack Horner: How did that bomb not work?! That girl was supposed to be blown into a million pieces and I was supposed to laugh at her misery!

Dusk: HOLY SHIT IT’S BIG JACK HORNER!

Certaminis: Such a chad.

DS: OH MY FUCKING GOD! I still haven’t watched Last Wish-

Maverick: GO WATCH IT DS. Also, are there any rules preventing me from having this guy as an intern?

Shavis: “Considering I have RT, no.”

Maverick: Nice. Horner, wanna become my intern?

Jack Horner: No. I’m not just gonna be someone’s lackey, my job is to lead those lackeys!

Maverick: You can torture the contestants.

Jack Horner: I’m in.

DS: Well, that was easy.

Maverick: Alright! You’re hired Mr. Horner!

Mirabel: How is the crazy maniac who tried to blow me up allowed to be a part of this show but not me?!

Jack Horner: Because it’s funny you piece of shit. Wait, I can curse in this world?! I’m not blocked by fairy tale censors?!

Dusk: You are allowed to curse as much as you like Mr Horner, so go off-board!

Certaminis: Except the N-Word. That’s gonna get us in trouble.

DS: Go on an hour long swear rant if you want.

Jack Horner: Fuck yes! I’m definitely staying here now!

RTGame: “Oh sweet, does that mean I can say swears as well like shi[youtube]... Even here, I still have it… No matter, more power to me.”

Ronald: Rtさん、なぜYouTubeの名前を呪いとして使うのですか?私が尋ねるかもしれないなら。(Mr Rt, why do you use the name of YouTube as a curse? If I may ask.)

RTGame: “Well that my friend is a story I would love to share, just not now though.”

Ronald: 十分です。(Fair enough.)

Maverick: Sorry Mirabel, but sometimes the villain gets what he wants and people like you are left in the dust. You don’t deserve this, but I guess that’s how the world treats you, and you might as well accept it. So farewell.

Jack Horner: Goodbye you useless twat! 

Mirabel is kicked by Jack into the portal. She tries to keep positive, but she then breaks down in tears. Poor girl. Why must everyone be so cruel to her?

Dusk: Wait… I don't think that was the portal back to her home dimension.

DS: I’m sure it’s not that bad.

We cut to Mirabel being awoken by a giant Space Dragon destroying a city, craving bloodshed and leading an army along the way.

Maverick: Oh well. Anyways, IS THAT RONALD MCDONALD?!

Guy: “No, that is the menace known as Burger King. The secret 26th contestant. He is very dangerous. Watch out for him- OF COURSE IT’S RONALD MCDONALD!”

Certaminis: As they say, “Hamburger Cheeseburger Big Mac Whopper”.

Ronald just glares at Guy before continuing his talk with Jack Horner.

Ronald: それで、ホーナーさん、あなたはパン屋を経営していますか? (So Mr Horner, you run a bakery correct?)

Jack Horner: Yes! Except the pies are horrible! You’d think that I’d get better pies considering the fact that at least five workers at the bakery die every day.

Ronald: それが良いビジネス戦術であるかどうかはわかりませんが、そのような場所を稼働させ続けるために、あなたの腕前を称賛する必要があります。製パン工場としては最高ではないかもしれませんが、お金で金色のガチョウにぶつかったことがわかります。(I'm not sure if that is a good business tactic, I do have to applaud you on your prowess to keep such a location up and running. As a baking factory it may not be the best, but I can see that on the money, you hit the golden goose.)

Another portal opens, revealing two scientists; a round-headed short green one with glasses and male pattern baldness and a tall cylindrical one with a flappy mouth and wild orange hair. They are both wearing lab coats and seem to be made of some sort of felt. 

Saiko: なんてこったい?! (What the hell?!)

Maverick: It’s about time we get a Muppets rep!

DS: (flailing his arms around like a mad man) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY

Beaker: (worried) Mee-mee-mee-mee-mee?

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Don't worry Beakie, it'll be good for you to get out of the lab and take a vacation. Besides, they promised me this would be perfectly safe.

Beaker: (reassured) Mee-mee-mee?

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Perfectly safe.

Suddenly, as if by sheer ironic coincidence, Beaker's har goes up in flames from standing too close to the edge of the portal.

Beaker: (panicked) MEEEEEEEEEE!

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Oh dear. Uh, send a postcard! Have a good time!

As Honeydew exits, Beaker runs around the room, freaking out, before DS hits him with a fire extinguisher. He falls to the ground in front of Stellar.

Stellar: Wait a minute, I don't remember anyone choosing this...thing?

DS: I uh, think this was the one who actually signed up by himself.

Certaminis: Based mistake, to be honest.

Dusk: Understandably so.

Beaker: (smoking but mostly unharmed) Meeeeee...

DS: You good, bro?

No response.

DS: Yeah, he’s fine.

Saiko: 私はちょうどサインアップした一体何でしたか... (What the fuck did I just sign up for…)

RTGame: “You should probably get used to this sooner or later.”

Ronald: 確かにサイコさん、やっぱりここからはもっとクレイジーになるばかりです。別のショーの別のキャラクターがかつて言ったように;そして私は引用します 「あなたはこの釘のベッドを作りました、あなたがつままれたときに私たちに腹を立てないでください」、引用の終わり、不快感はありません。(Indeed Ms. Saiko, after all, it's only going to get crazier from here. As another character in another show once said; and I quote "You made this bed of nails, don't get annoyed at us when you get pinched", end quote, no offense.)

Saiko: それは公平です。(That’s fair.)

Certaminis: Guess I’m not bringing my intern anytime soon… 💀

DS: What about that sexy bunny lady from MHA? She seems like good intern material. …Why do I feel like I haven’t talked in an hour- You know what, not important. What’s important is that we need some more sexiness in the show.

Certaminis: DS… that is perhaps the best idea you have ever had! She’s perfect!

DS: Really? I was half-joking, but if you think that she’d be a good pick…

(Certaminis snaps his fingers. A blue portal appears, and a dark-skinned rabbit hero falls out of it.)

DS: Oh great. More kidnapping.

Mirko: What the- where am I?!

Certaminis: You’re on a show as an intern! Isn’t that fun?

(Mikuro goes up to Certaminis and firmly chokes him.)

Mirko: AND WHY WOULD I DO THAT?!?

Certaminis: *choking* Please… I’ll give you…. Uh…. a super verison of your quirk?

(Mirko thinks about this for a moment, before dropping Certaminis to the floor.)

Mirko: …Fine. But don’t try to do anything stupid.

Certaminis: *breathes in deeply* Of course.

Dusk: Don’t take his word for it, we’re all fucking idiots, sooooo yeah.

DS: That’s my job. Don’t steal my identity as the stupid one. …Wait, that’s Rocky. Never mind.

Mirko: Not like I have a choice anyways.

Dusk: I mean, technically you do, it’s either you do it or you get sent to our version of purgatory.

DS: You mean horny jail?

Dusk: That but times 21.

DS: I thought it was times 34-

Dusk: I just said 21 cause it was the og funny number.

DS: Nah. The og was 2763.

Dusk: Really now? Damn, I gotta update my meme culture.

Maverick: Honestly, you’re probably the stupid one trying to go up against a host. You know we’re immortal gods right?

Rocky swings by late

DS: Hey, Rocky. You’re appearing kinda late into the episode.

BFDI Rocky: Wait, you guys didn’t get the letter I sent saying I’d be late?

Certaminis: No one uses physical mail anymore. Now it’s all electronic-mail.

DS: Oh, wait- Somebody did throw the letter M at me. Was that you?

BFDI Rocky: No, I would’ve thrown the letter L. for late.

DS: Or voLo. But at that point the L would’ve been so big that it would’ve crushed me.

BFDI Rocky: It would’ve been so big that it would’ve crushed everyone here.

DS: Speaking of crushing, you still got no ideas for an intern? Wait, that has nothing to do with crushing-

BFDI Rocky: Wait… I forgot about that. Shit.

???: AHHHH-

Suddenly, the blue Among Us crewmate falls out of the sky.

Maverick: Great, we’ve got one of these guys here…

Jack Horner: Hope he’s one of the murderer types! We can never go wrong with more murderers in the group!

DS: …I feel like a certain shitposter is gonna be happy about that one.

RTGame: “WHY!?”

Certaminis: Insert the obligatory “suspicious amogus” here.

Dusk: AMONG US.

Mirko: What are you even saying?!

Saiko: 私はもうクソ知りません- (I don’t fucking know anymore-)

Blue: Man, voted out again! Wait… This isn’t the afterlife.

DS: Nope! Welcome to hell, motherfucker! Call me Modeus, ‘cuz you’re about to be fucked! Not in the sexual way, of course. Professionals have standards.

Dusk: Be polite, be efficient, and have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

BFDI Rocky: Wait… Why’s this guy here?

Blue: Wait, you’re that dude that asked me if I wanted to be an intern! Remember?

BFDI Rocky: No.

DS: Sounds like a skill issue. Or at least a memory related one. You sure that pizza cured you?

BFDI Rocky: Everything’s been kinda all over the place for me, balancing two shows and one ended up going to shit and we’re still kinda recovering.

A portal opens up.

Wario: BFDI ROCKY! RAMUNE KILLED FLAVIO AGAIN!

Maverick: Flavio! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

DS: That bastard!

Dusk: THE MANIAC!

BFDI Rocky: Fuck- gotta go again!

BFDI Rocky goes through the portal.

Blue: So uh… This is a weird place.

DS: You don’t know the half of it.

Blue: But yeah, here to intern! I got the invitation to prove it!

Blue pulls out a form that he signed. The handwriting is… Questionable to say the least.

DS: That’s questionable to say the least.

I just said that.

DS: Right, sorry. Maybe that’s just ‘cuz Rocky doesn’t have hands.

Blue: Maybe. But yeah, says “something something intern something something just sign here”, I didn’t bother to read it all actually.

DS: Lemme see that…

DS takes the form. It literally says “something something intern something something sign here”. 

DS: Huh. Whaddaya know. It actually does say that. …Checks out. You’re hired.

Blue: Awesome.

Certaminis: I think that’s all of the interns…

DS: Let’s see… RT, Phil, Jack, Saiko, Ronald, Mirko, Blue, Ohio, MC, Bomb, and Beaker. Yup. Should be about it.

Saiko: それで、私たちは今何をしますか? (So what do we do now?)

DS: Just… Stay here, I guess.

Ronald: これは楽しいでしょう (This shall be fun)

Jack Horner: Staying here would normally be boring, unless I can torture you all. Can I torture- oh wait I don’t ask people nicely to do stuff I want so I’ll just torture them!

Maverick: Welp. Guys, let’s just go talk in a corner.

The hosts go to a corner far away from Jack’s rampage.

Shavis: “Anyways, I have been thinking about the last challenge and I want to make a proposition.”

Dusk: Go on my friend.

Shavis: “I thought about how certain parts happened, although the longest part was due to us deciding to give the contestants a feel of what they would be facing in future episodes, but this idea could be fun. Basically, we have a vote from the audience where they decide who should host the next episode. Whoever wins that vote gets to be the main host of focus that episode alongside their intern while putting their specialty into the mix.”

Certaminis: Ooh! Interesting!

Maverick: Good, that means that Jack’s maniacal rampages don’t have to happen every episode.

Dusk: That does sound like a good idea, but popularity could be an issue, like, 2/3 ‘s of us aren’t as well known as the rest.

Shavis: “I acknowledge that is a problem, and I have some ideas. One is that those that don’t want to host the next episode can opt to be out of the ballot and another is that the winner of that episode won’t appear in the next poll. Rules for this proposition may be added or removed if necessary as well.”

Certaminis: That sounds like a good idea. 

Dusk: Now you’re spitting great plans, I like it! Alright, I’m in.

Maverick: Works for me too!

Guy: “Awesome! For all those who agree to Shavis’ terms, sign here.”

Guy whips out a contract for those that agree with the plan.

Dusk: Hehehe, this is where the real fun begins 

He says as he also signs with his own blood.

Dusk: I like real formalities.

(Certaminis summons a pen and signs his name)

DS: …Yeah, I’m too stupid to understand, so I’ll just sign like everyone else is.

DS signs it with a paintbrush and a fucking stamp of approval.

Stellar: Hey, it’s the least that should happen.

Stellar spits on the contract, and the spit forms into a pretty fancy signature. She then makes blue ribbons with a medal that says “I signed the contract” and gives it to every host that has signed the contract so far. 

Stellar: Merry Fucking Early Christmas! I’m giving out because I felt like it!

Maverick: I deserve an early Christmas too! And I will as I get that epic ribbon with a medal by signing-

Suddenly, a portal opens, as the Minions come in a rush grabbing Maverick.

Maverick: Hey! I didn’t even sign yet! Wait, guys! I’ll sign it eventually! As long as you give me my epic ribbon medal! Although, to be honest, I have a weird feeling about that guy, that guy known as Guy. Just think that he’s a little sus-

He is dragged by the Minions into the portal.

Guy: “Alright Shavis, we’re waiting on you! I can just ask Taco Bell and Cool Ranch to sign later.”

Shavis looks on before approaching to write a name.

Shavis: “Shouldn’t you also put your signature down?”

Guy: “Sorry, I can’t sign my own contracts. Watch.”

Guy signs his own name on the contract. A second later, the signature vanishes.

Guy: “Prevents me from completely abusing their nigh-omnipotent abilities.”

Shavis: “...Fair I guess, not like it matters to me.”

Shavis then proceeds to put a name down.

Shavis: “Great with that out of the way we should really start on that poll right now. Anyways, I wonder what the contestants are up to.”

A powerful explosion is heard and we cut to a portion of the contestants back at the table discussing things

Futaba: “Okay, now I know what some of you might be thinking since last challenge and … I sense presences somewhere ranging from powerful to weak.”

Omori: “It took you that long to notice.”

Daffy: I thought we all knew that I was the most powerful from the start!

Omori: “...No.”

This saddens Daffy and Omori but it hurts Daffy more.

King Knight: That might explain the sky turning pink, and the air smelling of meat.

Reagan: And the loud explosions outside.

On cue, another explosion rings out.

DS: (distant) Ow.

Reagan : Case in point…

Lofi Girl: Hmm, might have something to do with the hosts.

Timmy and Thirteen look at Lofi Girl in curiosity.

Thirteen : Really? What could they be doing?

Lofi Girl: I don’t know.

She half lied. Thirteen then looked out the window.

Thirteen : Maybe I could check it out… oh, but I might mess up…

Thirteen thinks about what to do, before coming to terms with his decision and flying out the window in his 1x13 form. Kaos watches this happen and thinks out loud.

Kaos: Wait a minute… HE COULD FLY THIS WHOLE TIME?!

Donald: I wish I could fly!

Neil Cicierega: GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS-

Thirteen goes towards where the interns are and tries to fly down. However, he instead crashes into the ground, splitting into 13 Ones. This freaks out Bomb, who explodes, alerting the other interns and hosts.

Saiko: クソ! (Fuck!)

Ronald: あらららら！(Oh my!)

DS: This is like the third time today-

Jack Horner: Hey! Stop interrupting my beautiful chaos!

RTGame: “What the fu[youtube]. What more happened?”

Mikro: There are thirteen of these… weird red cube creatures, that’s for sure.

Jack Horner: No one told me that we have an exploding bird! He’ll be a fun weapon to use.

One (1): Owie!

One (2): Hello!

One (3): So this is where everyone is?

All of the ones begin to wander around, looking at the new people. Bomb stares at them as one of the Ones messes with his signature feather.

Bomb: This is getting freaky, and I think it’s pretty awesome.

RTGame: “Well, this is one of those fictional people I don’t know anything about.”

Stellar: Numberblocks! Get back together now!

Stellar gathers all the ones and shoves them back into Thirteen.

Stellar: Now, what are you doing here?

Thirteen: Well, everyone was wondering what was going on, so I decided to come check it out!

Stellar: Oh right, the contestants. Almost forgot about them. Well, Ten and Three, go tell the others we’ll call them to see what’s going on soon.

Thirteen: O-Okay… Are you sure-

Stellar: Y E S.

DS: See ya, 2 digit number commonly associated with bad luck.

Thirteen ends up flying back to the hotel out of fear, flying through the exact same window he flew out of before. He then rearranges his body into a more standard form, before looking at literally everyone else in the room.

Thirteen: So… I-I haven’t exactly figured out what was happening, but one of the hosts told me to t-tell us that they’ll call us out to see what’s going on later.

Kaos ignores this and screams again.

Kaos: YOU COULD FLY THIS WHOLE TIME?!

Thirteen: Of course, all numberblocks can fly with their rays! I tried flying last challenge, but I got split. I thought you already knew that! Oh well, unlucky me!

Kaos: … Whatever.

Donald: I’m a duck and have never been able to fly! You need to teach me!

Suddenly, something, or, someone suspiciously jumps out of the vents.

Blue: Yo what up it’s ya boy Blue and- ah fuck I’m late again.

*Cue the ever so iconic Tom scream*

Blue: What? I’m not that scary!

Flavio: No no, Tom has a point. You seem kinda… I dunno…

Blue: Don’t say it-

Flavio almost says it, but Blue smacks him. In another universe, a certain sus detector is saddened by the fact that he didn’t say it.

Daffy: It’s probably the word suspicious. That’s what you are! Suspicious! I think there’s also an abbreviation of that word, which works as well!

That certain sus detector mentioned before is even more sad that Daffy was so close to saying the word.

Asgore Dreemurr: I don’t understand the youth’s humor sometimes.

Flavio: I’m an adult!

Asgore Dreemurr: And yet, you are short.

Flavio: HEY!

Daffy: I’m also an adult! And I’m not short like the wannabe here is.

The other interns follow after

RTGame: “Wow, I am surprised those guys also hate that joke as well.”

Flavio: But I actually thought he seemed suspicious!

Blue: I literally get called “sus” when I’m not even doing anything wrong, it’s annoying!

Mirko: Oof. Tough luck, buddy.

Daffy: So that’s what the abbreviation is!

Pillow: I’d suggest doing more things wrong!

Blue: …How does that help?

Pillow: Oh, that’s simple: It doesn’t.

Saiko: あなたたちは非常識です... (You guys are insane…)

Miriko: そう、人は時々変な人になるのです (Yep, people are weird sometimes.)

RTGame: “That is subjective depending on how often one comes across insanity.”

Lofi Girl: Who the heck are these pe- ARE YOU RTGAME!?

Futaba: “Wait, I feel like I recognize one of those voices.”

Suddenly, Ronald teleports behind the two girls, who they get startled by.

Ronald: こんにちは (Hello there.)

Miriko: ああ、くそー (OH FUCK-)

Saiko: 性交- (Dafuq-)

Futaba: “... This … is a lot to take in.”

Saiko: 多元的な旅行はあなたにそれをするだけです、私は推測します。(Multiversal travel just does that to you, I guess.)

Ronald: ああ、私の愛する人、あなたはまだ何も見ていません。(Oh please my dear, you haven't seen ANYTHING yet.)

Miriko: 変なヤツを見てしまった。これなら何があっても対応できるよ。(I’ve seen some weird shit. I can handle whatever this is.)

Futaba: “...” (“I thought I was speaking Japanese… This changes everything.”)

Ronald: “Telepathically” はい、そうです、確かにそうです。少なくともあなたにとってはそうです。 (Yes it does, indeed it does. At least for you that is.)

Bomb then crashes through the window.

Bomb: “You could’ve said you all were coming here, ya know!”

RTGame: “Apologies, we were just found by one of the contestants and we wanted to see the rest”

Lofi Girl: Uhm excuse me, Mr RT, I’m a big fan of your content. Can I have your autograph?

RTGame: “Sure, just be glad I don’t have a bow and arrow on my person. Anyways, got anything to sign onto.”

Lofi Girl pulls out her notebook (which has a lot of cat stickers), and passes it to RT. RT later signs the notebook and passes it back to Lofi Girl. She makes a strange noise of excitement.

Lofi Girl: T-thank you!

Futaba: “That’s it you share the same voice as Joker. That has to be a reasonable explanation.”

RTGame: “Oh, you mean Johnny Anime.”

Futaba: “... What?”

Reagan: “Holy shit I’m gonna have a breakdown-“

Kaos: Who isn’t at this point?

Neil Cicierga: This must be an eighth world wonder!

Thirteen tries to pet Bomb, but the bird sneezes and explodes immediately, causing all 13 ones to ragdoll across the room, accompanied by pinball sound effects. One of the ones even bounces across the room like in Hoodwinked. Talk about bad luck.

Bomb: Oop, sorry there.

Jack Horner: You won’t have to be sorry when you join my collection! And in the bag you go!

Jack chases Bomb around to try and get him into his bag.