Work Text:
Inspiration struck at 3 in the morning. Teahyun didn’t know how his foggy, sleep-deprived mind came up with the lyrics, but it did. It might have been the fact that he woke up with an aching urge to call his sister. It might have been the fact that he was sick and hadn’t been able to see anyone but Kai and Soobin for half a week.
He hadn’t thought that getting pinkeye was that big of a deal, but given their idol status the managers had confined them to a hotel room with severe instructions to stay inside and call one of their managers if they needed anything.
He understood that it would be a disaster if a hater took pictures of them looking ghastly and spread them all over the internet. They didn’t need any bad rep before the release of The Dream Chapter: Magic.
Taehyun stared at the lyrics he had written again, wishing he could receive a hug from Yeonjun and eat one of his warm meals right off the stove. Wishing he could grab Beomgyu and swing him around the room in an affectionate embrace. He knew that wasn’t an option, knew that if he gave them pink eye all the promotional photoshoots, recordings and interviews would have to be delayed again.
They had already delayed enough as it was. If only Kai had been able to stay away from Soobin when he was first diagnosed they would have already been back on track, but he hadn’t been able to. And if Kai got sick it almost automatically meant that Taehyun got sick too with how much they interacted on a daily basis.
The lyrics struck a chord within him, igniting the loneliness that constantly smouldered inside of him and it burst into flame, singeing the walls of his heart.
He usually wrote lyrics to vent and decompress. Most of the time lyricising would improve his mood, but not today. Today everything was all too real and the lyrics cut deep into him, digging their hooks in deeply and refusing to let go.
Loneliness was a common plague, especially in the world of idols, when you didn’t know if people were only friends with you for your fame and it was difficult to find time to hang out with anyone other than the other members in your group.
Taehyun pushed away the computer he had used to type his song lyrics and moved toward Kai’s bed, hoping to dispel some of the coldness in his chest with physical contact.
He hesitated for a moment, hovering by the bedside and watching his dongsaeng sleep. He usually asked first if he was going to climb in bed with Kai, just because Soobin had made that a rule to help them respect each others’ boundaries. But Kai was sleeping and he hated the idea of waking the boy from his peaceful slumber to request something as simple as cuddling him.
He hesitated a moment longer, then decided that it would hurt more to stay alone than any scolding he might get would hurt. Besides, Kai was asleep and he would probably just stay for a little and Kai would never know.
He pulled the comforter back and slipped under it, sliding in behind Kai and slipping his arms around him. Warmth immediately flooded through him, and he closed his eyes with a sigh, relaxing into Kai’s back.
He stayed like that for a few minutes, a low hum vibrating his chest. Kai shifted in his sleep a few times, but not enough for Taehyun to think he had woken up.
He drifted off slowly, lulled to sleep by the sound of Kai’s breathing.
+x+
Soobin found them like that in the morning. Somehow in their sleep, they had shifted from Taehyun hugging Kai to Kai hugging Taehyun like he was one of his plushies, a leg slung over him haphazardly.
Taehyun woke to the familiar weight of his dongsaeng against him and breathed in his scent, feeling wrapped in a warm cocoon.
He slowly opened his eyes and came face to face with Soobin’s camera lens.
“Hyung!” Taehyun yelled as he leapt out of bed, chasing Soobin around the room.
The room wasn’t large, so it didn’t take long for Soobin to run out of places to get away from Taehyun, and he ended up jumping onto the bed where Kai sat rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“Quick, Kai-ah! Grab his phone!” yelled Taehyun as he cornered Soobin on the bed.
Kai obeyed, jumping on Soobin, always game for Taehyun’s antics even if he had no idea what was going on.
Soon all three of them ended up wrestling on Kai’s bed, the phone quickly forgotten when Soobin began tickling Kai.
+x+
It was their last day of quarantine before they could continue promotions and Taehyun was tired. Not physically, but a mental exhaustion that came from staring at the same four walls day in and day out had come over him.
He stared at his computer screen, going over the lyrics from the other night, feeling as if something was missing. He sighed and shifted back, suddenly feeling warm breath on the back of his neck.
He whipped around to find Soobin right behind him, staring at his laptop screen. Quickly shutting it, he directed an accusatory look at Soobin.
“Sorry, Taehyunnie,” Soobin said sheepishly, backing away. “It’s really good, though."
Taehyun glared at him for another moment and then turned back to his computer with a frustrated sigh. “Nevermind. If you’ve already read it you might as well help me get it right.” He moved over to make room for Soobin beside him.
For an hour they worked together, adjusting the wording here and there and reworking a few lines.
By the time they were done the song felt like it belonged to both of them, not just Taehyun, and they collapsed back on the bed, brainstorming a name that fit with the lyrics.
“Something about being alone?”
“You disappeared?”
“Alone with your ghost?”
“Maybe something shorter? We have a lot of long song names.”
“Ghost?”
“That makes me think of Justin Beiber’s song”
“Ghosting?”
“Ghosting”
They looked at each other with THAT look. This name was sticking, no matter what.
+x+
The weeks had blended into months, each day a chaotic blur as they promoted their album and attended award shows.
The busyness of the days helped him forget about his loneliness, but nights were still hard. He felt like his chest shouldn't be this hollow, especially since he had four people to talk to all the time, but he couldn’t help it.
He kept coming back to their song, Ghosting, a melody slowly developing in his brain.
It was December by the time he recorded his first demo of the song. He first brought the demo to Soobin, standing nervously as Soobin put on the headphones he was offered and gave the song its first listen.
He was worried at first as Soobin sat expressionless, listening to the opening, but his worry faded away as Soobin reached up and wiped a tear from the corner of his eye with his sleeve.
When the song ended, Soobin didn’t say anything, just hit the replay button.
In just a few hours Soobin was in the studio recording his own demo of the song. It was similar to Taehyun’s, but he had tweaked it here and there, changing things that Soobin had gotten so used to hearing one way into something entirely different that sounded amazing, but Taehyun could have never gotten to on his own.
Somewhere inside of Taehyun a pain grew at the realisation that something that had taken weeks for him to write and record had taken Soobin only hours to improve considerably. He wished that he had Soobin’s talent. He wanted to be a globally-recognised songwriter. He wanted to be invited by other artists to help work on their songs with them. He didn’t see either of those things happening soon with how much Soobin had to help him with his songs.
They recorded a few more demos, some more with Soobin alone, some with Taehyun, and a bunch with both of them, tentatively weaving in a few harmonies.
+x+
Soobin arranged a meeting with the production team within the next week. Taehyun was glad that Soobin was in on this too, or he would have never gotten the song in to be considered for an album.
There were more songs that they were considering as well, of course.
After the team’s glowing reviews of PUMA, Yeonjun’s song, and Maze of Mirrors, a song that they had all been working on together, Taehyun felt optimistic. They had only suggested some minor changes for the songs, but nothing drastic.
When Soobin stepped forward to present Ghosting, Taehyun’s breath hitched and the nerves kicked in with a vengeance. He looked sideways and took Kai’s hand, squeezing it under the conference table. Kai gave him an understanding look, and squeezed back before they both turned to face the table ready to accept any and all criticism and praise.
They had decided to show them a demo that Taehyun had recorded using the melody that Soobin had altered. The song filled the room and Kai smiled at him, showing that he was enjoying the song.
When the last chord faded there was silence for a few moments as the members held their breath, waiting.
“Are you kidding me?” The producer who sat across from Beomgyu finally burst out. “Is this what you consider music?”
“I agree,” said another producer, “It has no rhythm and the melody is not catchy at all. Not to mention the lyrics! They are repetitive and honestly quite depressing.”
Taehyun hung his head. He was not sure what he had been expecting, but this was not it. Kai placed a comforting hand on his arm and Taehyun shot his a strained smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes, and he knew Kai was not convinced.
There wasn’t a whole lot more discussion on the song, everyone knowing that discussing it further wouldn’t be of any benefit.
As they made their way out of the room Kai and Yeonjun came to stand beside him, sandwiching him between them as they went into Taehyun-protection-and-comfort mode.
Taehyun kept it together until they climbed into the van to make their way back to the dorms. The moment the door slammed shut and he was alone with the other members, the driver ignoring them like normal, tears sprang to his eyes and ran down his face.
He didn’t realise that Soobin had sat beside him until he was pulled into his side and his arms wrapped around him. From the other side of him Kai leaned over, effectively crushing him between two tall boys.
Taehyun was glad that they had nowhere left to go today except home, but then stopped short at the thought that maybe Soobin had scheduled the meeting for the end of the day because he had already known what the outcome would be. He knew he was overthinking it, but the thought wouldn’t leave him be.
He leaned a little away from Soobin, wrapping his arms around Kai’s waist and buried his head in the younger boy’s shoulder. It felt petty, but it was the only way he knew to protect himself.
When they got to the dorm Yeonjun went to the kitchen to make supper and Beomgyu called dibs on showering first. Soobin and Kai kept hovering around Taehyun, making him feel a bit stupid. Soobin had helped write the song too, and did he need anyone to comfort him?
Taehyun just felt like being alone so that he didn’t have to hide how deeply this blow had scarred him. So he shot Soobin a smile and asked Kai where the last place he’d seen his Japanese grammar textbook was, trying to act as much like himself as he could.
It seemed to work as Soobin turned away to go collapse on the couch and Kai answered his question before bouncing off to find the plushies that Beomgyu had hidden in his room the previous day.
Taehyun relaxed and headed to his room alone, the cold feeling crawling along his skin almost making him regret pushing the others away, but he reminded himself that he was being unreasonable and he should be fine alone, just like the others were.
+x+
Soobin and Kai had been staring at him from across the practice room for the past 10 minutes, looking away every time he glanced at them. Taehyun waited a little longer and then made his way over to them, giving up on them approaching him with whatever had their knickers in a twist.
“You’ve been staring at me for the past 10 minutes. Spill it.” He had a no-nonsense expression on his face and the two bigger boys cowered before him.
Kai glanced up at Soobin, then back at Taehyun before stuttering, “Well, um, uh, we noticed you’ve been off for the past few days and we wondered if maybe you, uh, wanted to rewrite Ghosting, uh, yeah.”
Soobin immediately jumped in, “I know they didn’t say to do that, but I know how attached you are to that song. You listen to it all the time when you’re alone.” Taehyun hadn’t thought anyone had noticed.
“You heard what they said,” he said, crossing his arms, “They practically called it trash. They aren’t interested.”
“Taehyunnie,” Kai whined, “Don’t say that! They were just being harsh. It just needs some work, that’s all. You showed it to them before you fully thought through all of it. This time we’ll make sure we like it and record a really good demo before we show it to them again.”
Taehyun still wasn’t convinced until Kai played his trump card, “For me, hyung? Please?”
The puppy-dog look melted his heart. Kai knew he’d do anything for him.
“Fine, but it better do better than last time.”
Soobin let out a whoop, squeezed Kai in a tight hug, and then grabbed Taehyun, spinning him around the room.
Taehyun couldn’t keep the grin from spreading across his face.
+x+
The new melody filled the room with its heart-tugging strains. It still carried some of the same underlying chords and basic chord progressions, but the entire vibe had been changed from dragging and depressive to something a bit more mystically sad with upbeat rhythm.
Kai and Soobin had helped him diversify the lyrics, incorporating a pre-chorus and another verse.
The demo-recording had gone smoothly and now they sat together, listening, ears sifting through every syllable and chord, ready to call out anything that could be improved.
“The pronunciation here should be inflected differently,” commented Soobin, “We used repetition to emphasize the line, but I think we should change it up just enough that it feels more unique than just saying it twice.”
They listened for a while longer, making a list of changes before their next recording.
By the time they were done it was eleven o’clock and Kai was falling asleep.
+x+
Taehyun couldn’t tell if he was more or less nervous this time. On one hand, he felt way more confident in their work, but on the other hand he no longer had any confidence that they would approve of anything he wrote with this concept because of their last reaction.
This time, as the chords faded away there was not the same disgusted look on all the producers’ faces. But there was still silence.
It was broken by a hesitant voice. “Isn’t this the same song that you showed us last time?”
Taehyun tensed up, grabbing Kai’s arm and ducking behind his shoulder as Soobin squared up, ready for a fight.
“We took the concept and reworked it. Earlier, not much effort was put into the concept before we presented it to you, but this time we took our time and made our best effort to present it as it deserves to be.”
It hurt Taehyun to hear his original version of Ghosting referred to in such a derogatory way. While he understood that their reworked version was much more musically sound, he felt an odd attachment to the original which he listened to every day.
“I can hear improvements since last demo, but something still isn’t quite right about it,” was the next producer’s comment, “It feels like the melody and words don’t quite match. You were going for more sad undertones, but all you ended up doing was confusing the listener.”
Another producer, one whose comments had always grated on Taehyun’s nerves, decided to chime in. “I get that you want to contribute to your music in more ways, but there is a reason we leave the real music making to the professionals. There is no way for you to produce anything worthwhile when you focus your energy on such silly concepts. You should be thankful we give enough musical liberty to even consider any of your lyrics, so you shouldn’t take advantage of that by bringing us whatever you pull out of the drain. Have some respect and at least listen to your music before bringing it to us.”
The comment cut deep. Taehyun knew that what they were saying wasn’t entirely true. They had listened to the various demos so much that Ghosting had been invading his every thought and even his dreams. But as he looked up, glancing around, the other producers seemed to find interest in various irrelevant items. No one rose to his defence, not even Kai, although he could feel the muscles in his back quivering.
His fingers tightened around the maknae’s bicep, fingernails digging in deeply enough that he knew it would leave a mark, but there was nothing he could do to stop it.
A sickly silence reigned in the room broken only by the sound of the projector’s fan whirling to life.
The head producer cleared his throat and Taehyun held his breath, not sure what to expect, but all he said was, “If that’s all for today, the meeting is adjourned.”
As they made their way to the van, Taehyun wasn’t sure why he didn’t cry. They all seemed to be frozen, functioning on autopilot as they did up their seatbelts and settled in for the short ride home.
There was a certain fear hanging in the air. They knew they had more artistic freedom than most other idols but they were also aware that it could be taken away at any second. Never before had that realisation been more real to them.
All the members except for Beomgyu had contributed to the writing of at least one already released song, but they were aware that the majority of their songs did not have any of their lyrics in them. They had been hoping to expand and further contribute to their songwriting, but this event seemed to be about to tear this away from them.
When they got back to the dorm Yeonjun turned to the rest of them, making eye contact with Taehyun, and spoke the first thing any of the members had spoken since that fateful comment. “It’ll be fine guys. We just need to work harder and not present songs we aren’t 100% sure about to the team.” Then he turned to Taehyun and looked him straight in the eyes, “and just give up on Ghosting. Nothing good is going to come from trying to make it better. You’ll just get attached and then want to present it again, which will spell out our disaster. So just forget it.”
Taehyun tried his hardest to not let the effect of Yeonjun’s words show in his body language, but he thought Kai probably realised with the way his shoulders immediately tensed up.
It felt like his heart was being torn out. Even his brothers were turning against him.
Taehyun fled to his room, climbing under his stack of blankets before the dam broke.
He was sobbing and shaking, not sure whether he was breathing or not. His first instinct at the void feeling in his heart was to reach for headphones and turn on the playlist he had made out of the various demo recordings of Ghosting, but the moment the familiar strains reached his ears it was all he could do not to double over and throw up.
It was a strange reaction, but the pain at hearing his song was overwhelming. It was as if it had betrayed him. Even a song in which he had expressed his deepest feelings was not enough. He was not enough.
+x+
No one came in to check up on him. Not even after he missed dinner and game night.
He wasn’t sure if the other boys were angry at him or just didn’t know what to say to him. He hoped it was the latter, but he highly doubted it. Even if they didn’t know what to say, the others would come to him and just hold him, murmuring sweet nothings, their presence comforting enough.
The void inside of him grew with time, each tick of the clock ripping it open a little further until it felt as if the hole inside him was so large it was going to swallow him whole.
In all the time that he had struggled through his loneliness it had never felt like this. He struggled to breathe, not sure what to do. Something told him that having his group mates near would not help. It would just remind him that he could have destroyed their dreams.
His hands shook as he pulled his phone from his pocket, looking for distraction. He stared at the blank screen for a few moments before opening Youtube and scrolling through various edits that MOA had made. They failed to bring their usual peace and anticipation, instead acting as another reminder that he was letting everyone down, even those he couldn’t name, but he knew loved TXT. Even if they didn’t love him.
Taehyun closed Youtube, thumbs hovering. His mind began to drift back to the conference room, replaying those harsh words, but he shook his head and refocused his eyes, debating starting a kdrama to distract himself. That was until he saw where his thumbs had unknowingly directed him.
His phone screen glared up at him, his sister’s contact staring him in the face.
He wanted to call her, but his thumb hovered over the phone icon, undecided.
Back when he had first dreamed of being a kpop star, Seohyun had encouraged him, opposing their father and reasoning for him when he couldn’t. She was the reason that he was even here, chasing his dreams.
Taehyun didn’t want to call his sister and say, “Hey, nuna, you know how you helped me come to the company and made me able to achieve my dreams? Well, I think I just wrecked that, boycotting both my and my groupmates’ dreams.” That would surely come across well.
The sound of Kai letting out a screech from somewhere in the dorm startled him and he jumped, grabbing at his phone before it fell.
As Taehyun settled back down he realised that in his fumbling he had somehow managed to press the call button. He stared at his ringing phone, something preventing him from disconnecting the call before Seohyun picked up. He could just pretend that everything was fine and let her voice act as healing balm in and of itself, couldn’t he?
The call went to voicemail. Taehyun didn’t know why it bothered him so much, but the brief moment of respite he had been feeling evaporated immediately and he began to shiver again.
He fell asleep like that, tears pulling the skin on his cheeks tight as they dried.
+x+
During the week since the fateful meeting the mood of the boys’ dorm had changed.
The meals they ate were mostly silent, discussion limited to their schedule and other work-related topics.
The house was not quieter, but the noise was different. Instead of laughing voices and blaring video games, the sound of dance practice videos, vocal practice, and rap filled the space.
It felt the same way that the tense days before they were chosen to debut had felt. Except this time it was worse. They had already achieved their dream. They already knew the taste of fame and the stage. And they were fighting desperately to keep it from being ripped from them. At least in part.
Taehyun spent his time alone in his room. He saw how hard the others were working and just being around them was a reminder that it was all his fault. It was his fault that Kai no longer went around teasing everybody. It was his fault that Beomgyu’s smile had not been seen in days. It was his fault that Soobin was having acne outbreaks due to stress. It was his fault that Yeonjun’s voice was hoarse from rapping.
So he stayed by himself in his room, laptop open, constant videos of songwriters explaining their process, tips, and must dos playing. He’d found one really good account that seemed to be geared toward more experienced musicians.
The studying was a good way to pass the time and distract himself from his current situation. His hand ached from the tight grip he had on his pencil, eyes sore from staring at his laptop screen, notebook full of pages of notes.
Guilt and loneliness would eat at him the moment he tried to relax. So he worked himself to the point where his eyelids could no longer stay open and an unconscious delirium settled over him.
Despite the fact that Taehyun was battling constant loneliness, he did not feel like he should say that he felt alone because he knew the others were also going through the same situation as he was. He wished they could help each other, but the only way he knew he could be helped with his emptiness inside of him was through the company of his fellow group mates, and they didn’t deserve to deal with his problems right now.
He wanted to help them too, but if he did so he knew he would unintentionally dump his issues on them.
So he made his way to the kitchen, intent on making a nice warm meal for everyone so Yeonjun didn’t have to worry about it. It was one small thing he could do to lessen his hyung’s burdens.
In the kitchen he pulled out the rice cooker and began the slow process of making bibimbap.
Supper time had rolled around by the time Taehyun was halfway through the process and Yeonjun came in as he began to fry the eggs.
The unexpected entrance of his hyung caused him to startle and bump his fingers into the hot pan. Pain shot up his arm and he jerked his hand back, swallowing a whine as he popped the offending appendages into his mouth.
Yeonjun rushed over to him, worry painting his eyes a startlingly dark shade of black.
He grabbed Taehyun by the elbow and gently pulled him toward the sink, turning on the cold water.
As his fingers were pried from his mouth and put under a stream of chilly water, Taehyun stared up at Yeonjun’s features that were so near to him. He didn’t understand how a human could be so beautiful.
His unburned hand came up and he traced his hyung’s defined jawline. Yeonjun’s eyes flicked to his hand, then face, in surprise.
Taehyun realised what he had done and drew back, embarrassed. All this time away from the others had obviously been getting to him.
“Taehyunnie,” Yeonjun’s concerned voice drew his gaze back to his face. Something about Yeonjun’s concern was different than it had been moments earlier. He no longer seemed concerned about Taehyun’s fingers, but something deeper, the thing that he could see aggravating his second maknae beneath the surface. The pain that cut deeper than a physical wound.
It was at that moment that Taehyun broke. He was no longer able to hold back his emotions for the sake of his head knowledge. For the sake of protecting the others.
Yeonjun caught him as he fell forward, and gently lowered him to the ground until they lay in a heap, resting against the kitchen cabinets.
“Hyung,” he wept, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He couldn’t stop himself from repeating it over and over, stuttering through hiccups.
“Aegi, hey, it’s okay,” Yeonjun tried to comfort him, but Taehyun could barely hear him over the buzzing in his head. “Tae-yah! Hey! Look at me!,” Teahyun felt his head being forced up until he was staring at his hyung’s face, “I don’t know what you’re apologising for, but whatever it is, it isn’t your fault.”
It took him a while to process the words, but when he did he felt an even bigger weight hit him. “What do you mean, ‘it’s not my fault’? Of course it’s my fault! If I hadn’t tried to write such a failure of a song and think it was good, then you guys wouldn’t be worried about our future! Don’t say you haven’t noticed the way everyone has been acting lately?”
Yeonjun’s face softened and he brought his hand up to his dongsaeng’s face. “Taehyunnie, that wasn’t your fault! If it hadn’t been your song, it would have been mine. Don’t you know that that particular producer is pretty stuck in their ways?”
“No, hyung! Don’t say that! You’re so talented at everything, especially songwriting. They could never truthfully say something like that about your music!”
Yeonjun almost smiled at the irony of his dongsaeng trying to comfort him while he was being comforted himself.
“Sure, they couldn’t say it truthfully about my work, but they can’t say it truthfully about yours either. That producer has been itching to attack our music and finally found a chance with your music because it doesn’t adhere to the concepts we’ve worked with already. What they said wasn’t true.”
“But if it wasn’t true then why did no one say anything to them to defend me?” Taehyun looked up at his hyung with doe eyes, shed and unshed tears making them sparkle.
The final underlying confusion still remaining on Yeonjun’s face was erased instantly. “Oh, Taehyunnie, I thought you had realised, but I guess not. None of us agreed with them, we just kept quiet to keep the situation from escalating and causing real problems. We thought you knew that too.”
“But then why is everyone acting so stressed and acting like our future is about to be ripped away from us?” Taehyun’s question caught Yeonjun off guard.
“I hadn’t really thought about it that way before, but I think that our lack of communication must have made the problem grow worse in everyones’ minds. I said some hurtful things right afterward and set a negative tone from the onset. I’m so sorry. We all let one small comment affect us too much.”
The tears that had been steaming down Taehyun’s face suddenly multiplied and he collapsed back against his hyung at hearing the comment that had been bothering him so deeply referred to as no big deal.
They cried together until all their tears were exhausted.
+x+
Yeonjun called a team meeting in the living room and they conversed over takeout, their original dinner ruined by neglect.
They spent some time talking about the producer’s comment, discussing its importance and the effect it should (and should not) be having on their daily lives. They all admitted their fears, and Taehyun began to feel better about everything.
That was, until Ghosting was brought up. At the mention of it, he immediately tensed up, his ease melting away in an instant.
The others noticed, glancing at each other with worry.
“You know, I think it was actually really good; especially the concept,” Beongyu commented, wondering how hard to push, “I mean, I know I can't say much given the fact that none of my music has been considered apart from those things that we all wrote together, but I think Ghosting had a lot of potential.”
Taehyun just shook his head, refusing to feel any false hope.
“Hyung,” Heuning-Kai chimed in, “I’ve seen how hard you’ve been researching songwriting lately. Don’t you think you should put that to use and try rewriting Ghosting. You know that that’s a song you can do well with because it’s so close to your heart.”
Taehyun hadn’t thought that anyone had noticed his research lately, let alone been aware of how much he cared about the concept behind Ghosting.
It was all too much and he broke down in tears again.
+x+
The biggest challenge they faced was getting Taehyun to listen to Ghosting again, but as soon as he did there was no turning back.
Strangely enough, he could now hear the flaws in it as his newly trained brain picked apart things that he had never thought about before.
In the first ten hours the demo underwent drastic changes and Kai and Soobin did their best to keep up to Taehyun, contributing where they could.
Beomgyu kept them supplied with snacks, too scared to try to help them because he hadn’t had any success with music writing to date.
Yeonjun checked up on them regularly as he worked on his own music, knowing that they needed more than just Ghosting to present if they wanted to call a meeting anytime soon.
When a group meeting was called half a week later no one was surprised at how beautifully the song had turned out.
+x+
This time around the meeting was the most tense situation the boys had experienced to date. They had prepared for well over a week putting in more research than they cared to admit. They had even chosen to hold the meeting on a day that Kai insisted was luckier.
As they sat in the conference room, waiting for the meeting to start, Taehyun couldn’t help comparing them to small children as they clung to each other as if their bandmates were their mother. But he was also very glad for the physical contact which had slowly been repairing the hole in his chest since their group meeting two weeks prior.
The production team made their way into the room, surveying the nervous boys as they took their seats.
When that producer entered the room the air immediately tensed up and Taehyun bowed his head, Hyuka grabbing his hands when he attempted to shrink inside of his sweater.
His stomach clenched, hollow from the breakfast he had skipped and bubbling with nerves.
Yeonjun started the meeting off with revisions of some songs that had been in the works for a while. Everything went well, making Taehyun get deja vu from the first time they had presented Ghosting. Everything had gone well then too, right up until the time that his song had started to play.
This time around Soobin gave the song a preamble; one they had worked on for a long time, deciding the exact wording so that they would be helped. “We know you did not receive this song well the last two times, but we would appreciate it if you listened to it objectively this time as if we had never shown it to you before.” He bowed and then stepped back to press the play button.
Taehyun couldn’t watch anyones’ faces as the familiar music played, too scared of seeing the disappointment on their faces again. He almost wished the demo wasn’t so long as he sat through it, tension building.
There was silence when the demo stopped playing. The same way there had been silence after the previous two demos of Ghosting.
Taehyun was about to spring up and admit that he had made a mistake presenting this and that it was all his fault when a voice beat him in breaking the silence.
“I don’t think this is half bad,” commented the producer. Taehyun had never really noticed this producer much before, but he was suddenly very thankful to have him on the team. “It needs a bit of polishing, but it’s well written for being the work of semi-trained songwriters.”
Relief washed over Taehyun. He wasn’t completely relaxed yet, but some of his previous doubt was alleviated.
“I agree. It definitely has potential,” another producer chimed in. Murmurs of agreement filled the room.
It wasn’t exactly glowing reviews, but it also wasn’t the same degrading comments as before.
A producer who had been rather quiet up to that point looked up, “I don’t dispute that this song is a huge improvement or that it is well written, but I really don’t think that, logically speaking, we could work it into one of your albums. We definitely don’t have enough time to work it into The Dream Chapter: Eternity, and it wouldn’t work with the album’s concept anyway. Or any of your concepts, really.”
At the first negative comment, the producer who had pushed them down so effectively last time perked up. “That’s right. TXT’s concept is very obviously rather upbeat and cute. Releasing a song like Ghosting,” They said the name with a disgusted voice, “Would not fit within your group’s image.”
Taehyun started to panic as he saw more heads around the table begin to nod.
“That’s ridiculous,” Yeonjun’s voice broke through the whispers, “What fool would limit a group to only one concept? Besides that, you have to look no further than the Eternally music video we’re working on right now to find a darker concept.” Taehyun knew that not all the people in the room were aware of the contents of their music video in the making, but he was sure they could figure out what kind of concept Yeonjun was referencing, considering that they had helped write and/or produce Eternally.
Soobin picked up on Yeonjun’s train of thought and continued. “Groups thrive best when they can show their fans that they are able to do many concepts. It demonstrates talent. If anyone practices one concept enough they can present it well enough to seem talented, but real talent shows when you can effortlessly switch between different concepts.”
More heads began to nod, but that one persistent producer piped up, “That doesn’t change the fact that we have no other songs like Ghosting in progress. We can’t release just one song as a new concept and then ignore it the rest of the time.”
In some ways Taehyun actually agreed with them. What they said made sense. They couldn’t just release a song like Ghosting without context.
“I have an idea,” Beomgyu’s hesitant voice broke the silence, “I’ve been thinking about this idea I have that has been developing over the past while. So you know how the pandemic lately has shut everything down and made people unable to see each other?” Heads dipped in acknowledgement, “I was wondering if we could build an album using the current situation. I was thinking we could use something like, ‘even if we feel alone, we can find hope in the knowledge that others around us feel the same thing’ as a theme for it. Something that tells others that they aren’t alone in what’s going on.”
Taehyun found himself loving Beomgyu’s idea. He was surprised the older boy hadn’t mentioned it before, but he supposed Gyu was always a bit hesitant when it came to his music making.
“We could change Ghosting to fit with that concept really easily.” Taehyun was becoming excited at the concept, “It already has to do with feeling lonely because people you thought loved you have ghosted you, and that could so easily be incorporated with the idea of it not being a choice, but being a result of being cut off and isolated due to restrictions.”
More ideas were thrown out and somehow the pitch meeting turned into an idea panel consisting of all the boys and most of the production team.
For the next week the production team went insane, working overtime on the new concept, the boys joining them as often as their schedule allowed.
+x+
Taehyun couldn’t believe that it had already been a month since the release of minisode 1:Blue Hour.
As they stood backstage, preparing for their performance of Ghosting on Day6 Kiss Radio, Taehyun looked over at the boys who had slowly filled his empty heart. It had been months since the last time he had felt seriously lonely. Sure, he still had off days, but nothing like he used to.
He was so thankful for these four beautiful young men who had become his whole world, protecting him from the loneliness of the world outside.
Taehyun's gaze shifted to Soobin as the older boy coughed and a frown pulled his eyebrows together as he made his way over to their leader.
“Will you be able to sing today, Hyung?” he questioned.
Soobin looked up and smiled. “Sure, Tyun, of course I can.” But his voice was strained.
“Nevermind. I should have known not to ask you,” sighed Taehyun, frustrated, “I’m taking some of your lines whether you like it or not.”
Soobin began to protest, which led to a fit of coughing. He looked up at his dongsaeng sheepishly. “But you don’t have time to memorise the line,” he complained.
Taehyun held up his casted hand. He had fractured a finger in his rush to meet some MOA during the filming of a variety show just three days after their comeback. “We can write the lyrics on here and I can just read them off during your part.”
Soobin glanced up at Taehyun and he felt a peace settle over his heart as the other boys raced over, helping him carry out his plan despite their leader’s protests.
This was his family. With them, as they grew closer and communicated more, he no longer suffered from crippling loneliness. Instead, he felt an inexplicable peace in their presence.
This was the feeling of home.