Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The alarm on Touya’s phone rang softly letting him know that it was six in the morning which meant it was time to start his day. Even though Touya did not have to go into work, he tried to keep himself and Shouto on a schedule. The doctors had said that with Shouto’s condition repetition and a schedule would help his daily life.

Touya groggily sat up in bed and stretched his arms up and over. When his back cracked like a glowstick Touya let out a sigh of content. Keigo was still sleeping and would not get up for a couple more minutes. He always needed multiple alarms to get out of bed unlike Touya who was a light sleeper.

Touya made his way out of bed and walked into the bathroom. He cringed when the bright light was flipped on but used the restroom before returning to the sink to brush his teeth. He took a look at himself in the mirror and laughed. He looked rough. After brushing his teeth he slipped into the shower. Touya loved to shower in the mornings because it always woke him up better than a cup of coffee could.

Touya got out of the shower and quickly fixed his hair before returning to his room to get some clothes. He chose some comfy black sweatpants and a T-shirt he had gotten from Natsuo for his birthday. It had a crab on it and said “I can be a lil’ crabby!” Touya begrudgingly put the T-shirt on since it was the last clean one he had left. He really had to do laundry later when he put Shouto down for a nap.

When he was done getting dressed he walked into Shouto’s room. Last night they repeated their nightly routine of Shouto having a nightmare and someone calming him so that he could go back to sleep. Keigo got up and held him in the recliner while Touya was able to keep sleeping. Keigo had placed Shouto back in his own bed last night as the nightmare was not a severe one.

Touya opened Shouto’s bedroom door and gave a small smile at the sight of Shouto curled up around his stuffed calico cat he lovingly named Soba. He looked so at peace this morning that Touya felt guilty to wake him.

“Sho, it’s time to wake up. Come on, that's it. Don’t you want to wake up and play?” Shouto slowly woke up and groaned. He was comfortable and did not want to move. He turned to curl deeper under the covers. “No, come on peppermint, I know you don’t want to, but you need to get up. You need a change. You can take a nap later. Come on kiddo, it’s time to get up.”

Touya lowered the railing and took the covers off of Shouto as he picked him up to readjust him on the bed on top of the mat they usually used to change him. Shouto was still groggy and not talking during the change which was normal, Shouto unlike Touya was not a morning person. After changing him, Touya left him on the bed while he walked over to the scale. Touya weighed himself. He was 171 pounds, the same that he has always been. He then made his way back over to Shouto to pick him up and weigh them together. He would then subtract his weight from the second weight to see how much Shouto weighed.

At the doctor’s office it was easier because they had a chair that Shouto could sit in to measure his weight. Touya did not have the room for something like that and Shouto could not stand on his own so the improvised version would have to do for now. Touya was afraid to look at the number on the scale. Shouto had been eating but it didn’t seem like he was getting any heavier.

Touya finally gained enough courage to look down at the number and his heart sank. Thirty pounds was not the weight he was expecting. He thought things had been going well. Shouto had been eating each day and drinking the nutritional shakes that he was supposed to. They still had to watch the portion sizes and were afraid to increase them without approval from the doctor because Shouto’s stomach was still rather small and would reject food if he ate more than what it could handle in one sitting.

Touya was going to have to discuss this with Keigo and his siblings. The doctors had warned them of a setback, but he was hoping that things would get better. He stepped off the scale and Shouto was still rubbing his eyes trying to get the sleep out of them. Touya gave him a kiss on his cheek and Shouto giggled. It seemed that he was more awake, which was good for Touya.

“Let’s get you dressed, but first it’s time for your cream." Touya set him on the edge of the bed while he grabbed a lidocaine cream off the dresser. Shouto had developed arthritis after the treatment from their father and would often have small flare ups. Touya could tell by the redness of his joints. Touya worked quickly to rub the cream on the areas that he saw were inflamed.

“D-d-dream w-weird had.” Shouto stuttered out while Touya was rubbing the cream on his delicate pale wrist.

“Really? Tell me all about it!” Touya was thrilled to hear Shouto talking. Any talking that he was capable of was music to Touya’s ears, no matter how jumbled his speech was Touya was grateful for his progress.

“Pan-panda cha-chase me f-f-forest in and and w-w-wanted soba! KeiKei s-s-sword had and and p-protect me! T-t-then KeiKei h-h-had wings-s red and and w-we were f-fly-flying!”

Touya took note of the affectionate name that Shouto had given Keigo. He had problems with Keigo’s full name and would call him “KeiKei” instead because it was easier.

“Wow, that was a crazy dream peppermint!” Touya had finished up with the cream and had walked over to the closet to get some clothes for Shouto to put on. He pulled out a blue and a green pair of sweatpants. Sweatpants were easier to get him out of for changing and were more comfortable than jeans or pants. “Which one do you want to wear, Sho?” Touya asked, holding up each pair.

“B-b-blue!” Shouto said.

Touya wasn’t surprised, Shouto did love the color blue. He then grabbed two T-shirts. One had a picture of a ninja and the other had All Might. Touya knew which one Shouto was going to pick. It was warm in the house and they didn't turn the air conditioning on so Shouto would be comfortable in just a T-shirt. “Pick a shirt Sh-”

“All Might!” Shouto said excitedly. All Might was every kids’ favorite hero. Shouto loved him and anything that had All Might on it.

“Ok, I hear you!” Shouto giggled. “Let’s get you dressed, Sho.”

Touya was quick to dress Shouto as Shouto helped to dress himself. His coordination was still off but he could still pull a T-shirt onto himself. Shouto looked at the front of his shirt and smiled.

“Ok, time to brush your teeth.” Shouto raised his arms for the universal sign that he wanted up. Touya picked him up and carried him into the bathroom. He heard Keigo’s alarm going off for the tenth time which meant that he would be getting up soon. Keigo would wake up after exactly fourteen alarms.

Touya placed Shouto on the counter and then grabbed his toothbrush and kids toothpaste. Touya made quick work of brushing Shouto’s teeth and helped him to spit into the sink. If Shouto was having a bad day he would then wrap Shouto’s fingers with bandages to protect from Shouto biting them when he was distressed. Shouto seemed to be having a good day, so Touya decided against it. They were a hassle to change every time Shouto got them dirty when eating.

Touya then grabbed the brush and combed Shouto’s hair and parted it so that the colors did not mix. He then took two hair ties and put Shouto’s up in two pigtails to keep the hair out of his face. Shouto was annoyed by his growing hair but was very apprehensive about cutting it. Touya had tried to do it himself rather than taking him to a barber but Shouto had a large panic attack at the sight of the scissors. So for now, the long hair would have to do until they could work through Shouto’s anxiety.

Touya picked Shouto up again and headed to the kitchen. He set him on top of the island while he reached for Shouto’s blood sugar testing kit. Because of Shouto’s severe malnutrition he had issues with hypoglycemia. His blood sugar would often spike low and they had to monitor it closely so that he did not get sick with it dropping too low. Touya was grateful that Shouto was having a good day because it made testing his sugar easier.

Shouto frowned at the sight of the kit but knew that it needed to happen. Touya loaded the lancing device with a fresh lancet and placed a testing strip in the machine. He gently took one of Shouto’s fingers and quickly released the needle. Shouto didn’t flinch at the prick, too used to this happening multiple times a day. Touya took the blood onto the testing strip and waited for the result to show up. Shouto put the bleeding finger into his mouth to stop the bleeding from the small injection.

Touya was ok with the number, it was low but not dangerously low. It was a typical reading for Shouto in the morning. He quickly disposed of the used testing materials. “Good job, peppermint!” Touya smiled while giving him a hug and a kiss on his cheek. Shouto smiled but kept quiet.

Since Shouto’s sugar wasn’t very low, he would be ok with waiting till breakfast was ready to eat. Touya picked him up and placed him on the couch and flipped to a kids space documentary. Shouto loved documentaries so he was pleased to curl up on the couch. Touya then went back into Shouto’s room to grab Soba so that he could cuddle her on the couch.

“Tha-thanks A-ani.” Shouto said while he grabbed Soba from Touya and quickly cuddled her.

Shouto always called him “Ani” which was short for Aniki. Shouto had names for Natsuo and Fuyumi as well. He called Natuso “Nat” and Fuyumi “Yumi”.

Seeing that Shouto was comfortable, Touya went to the kitchen to start on breakfast. Breakfast was quick to prepare since it was just oatmeal with some fruit and honey. Last week they had been eating eggs for breakfast until Shouto had an issue with the texture and would refuse to eat them and would cry if it was on his plate. They had to have a rotation of foods that Shouto would actually eat because Shouto’s preferences shifted every so often. Touya hoped that they could get him to eat eggs in the next couple of weeks for the protein.

Touya heard the shower stopping which meant that Keigo would be getting out of the bathroom soon.

He got everything ready then went to grab Shouto off the couch just as Keigo came into the room. “KeiKei!” Shouto said and held his arms out.

Keigo quickly took Shouto out of Touya's hands and raised him high in the air placing kisses all over him with Shouto giggling loudly. “Good morning sweetheart, how are you this morning?”

“Good!”

"That’s great! It’s time for breakfast now. Make sure to eat up as much as you can!”

Shouto laughed and Keigo kissed him one more time before he set Shouto down in his adapted high chair making sure to strap him in so he couldn't fall off if he was unstable.

Touya sat next to Shouto with a small portion of oatmeal, fruit, and honey for him to eat. Touya began feeding Shouto as he opened his mouth like a baby bird to be fed.

"So it's great that he is having a good day today." Keigo said after grabbing his and Touya's oatmeal off the counter and setting it in front of them.

"His numbers aren't good." Touya tried to be vague so Shouto wouldn't catch on that they were talking about him.

"Weight or sugar?"

"Sugar was low but fine, but he lost three pounds." Touya said grimly.

"How did he lose three pounds in three days? We are doing everything right aren't we?"

Touya continued to feed Shouto. "Yes, but the doctor said to prepare for the possibility of there being a setback. I just didn't think that it would happen so soon."

"So what do we do? That's a significant amount of weight for him."

"I will call the doctor when I put him down for a nap to let them know. I'm hoping that we can increase his portion sizes soon. He seems to not have stomachaches anymore."

Keigo finished up his oatmeal just as Shouto finished his. He took over and cleaned Shouto's face while Touya ate his oatmeal. Keigo got up and measured three quarters of a cup of juice and put in one of Shouto's special cups and then placed it in front of him so he could drink from it, careful not to give him too much and irritate his stomach.

"Let me know what he says. Have you told your siblings yet?"

"No, I'm going to talk to the doctor to see what my options are. I know the last time they had talked about putting him back on a feeding tube."

"I know he hated that, but the doctor will know what's best. Hopefully it doesn't come to that. I unfortunately have to leave. I have three flights today so I will be busy, but I will check my phone in between flights."

"We should hopefully hear back from the doctor today or tomorrow. If I hear anything sooner I will let you know."

Keigo got up from the table to finish getting ready. Touya finished his oatmeal while Shouto drank his juice. Touya got up to take the dishes to the sink and rinsed them off before placing them in the dishwasher.

He turned back to Shouto. "Done with your juice, kiddo?"

Shouto nodded and handed the juice cup over in his shaking hand. Touya took it and rinsed it out before placing it on the drying rack.

He could hear Keigo approaching the door so he unstrapped Shouto from his highchair and made his way over to where Keigo was putting on his shoes. "Say bye to Keigo, Shouto."

"Bye b-b-bye KeiKei! Love love y-y-you!" Shouto exclaimed as Touya handed Shouto over to Keigo.

Keigo hugged him back, "I love you too sweetheart! Be a good boy for Touya today!"

"I g-good!"

Touya took Shouto back while also leaning over to give Keigo a kiss. "Have safe flights today babe, I want you to come home to us."

"I will. I love you both." And with that Keigo left for the day. Touya was very grateful that today was a good day for Shouto or else Keigo leaving would be a totally different accord.

Touya navigated them back to Shouto's room because he could tell that Shouto needed a change. Afterwards he made his way back into the living room and set Shouto down on the cushioned play mat. Touya took out a puzzle and they put it together while listening to the space documentary. Shouto got distracted by the TV a lot so the puzzle took quite some time.

When they were done with the puzzle Touya checked the clock and saw that it was almost ten which meant it was time for his and Shouto's medicine.

Touya got up and took Shouto to the kitchen. He got out both of their medications. He took his anxiety and depression medicine quickly, hoping that Shouto would be inspired to take his own medicine.

Shouto did manage to take all his medicine with little complaint and for that Touya was grateful that today was such a good day for Shouto.

Touya quickly tested Shouto's sugar again and saw that it was higher than it was this morning but still low even after the breakfast and juice.

Touya placed Shouto back onto the couch and put on Frozen before he went back to the kitchen to prepare a nutritional shake for Shouto. Shouto would only drink the strawberry shake mix deeming the others "yucky". Touya also grabbed a banana for Shouto to eat, hoping he wasn't pressing his luck.

Touya sat down next to Shouto and gave him the cup with the shake in it. Touya made sure Shouto drank all of it while watching the movie before giving him the banana. The shake was more important for him to drink, the banana was just supplemental.

Towards the end of the movie Touya could see Shouto start to drift off, but also knew that Shouto needed a change. Touya paused the movie and picked him and Soba up and carried them to the room to quickly change Shouto so that he could get him into bed for a nap.

Touya placed Shouto under the covers and Shouto curled into them like a cat. He made sure Soba was nearby before raising the railing on the side of the bed so Shouto could not fall out of bed.

Touya used that hour and a half of naptime to quickly do some chores, including laundry which he so desperately needed to do. He also made sure to leave a message for the doctor concerning Shouto's weight loss.

Touya was just finishing up folding some laundry when he heard Shouto call "Ani!"

Touya walked into Shouto's room to find him sitting up in bed.

"Hey there kiddo did you sleep well?"

"Y-yeah." Shouto replied before yawning.

"You want to play for a little bit?"

Shouto looked at him with big mismatched puppy eyes. "T-t-trains?"

"Sure, we can play with trains." Touya quickly picked him up and checked if he needed a change, but found him dry. "But, you need to drink your special drink first."

"Straw-s-strawberry?"

"Of course. Why don't you sit on the couch and watch the rest of Frozen while I make it." Touya set him down and pressed play on the paused movie.

Shouto watched the rest of the movie while drinking the shake that Touya made. Touya went on to make some lunch while Shouto was occupied. Dinosaur chicken nuggets still seemed to be ok to Shouto so he made some along with some fries in the air fryer. It wasn't necessarily nutritious, but Touya needed him to just eat something.

Touya sat with Shouto while he ate his chicken nuggets before seeing Shouto stop grabbing food and stare at the window. Touya knew that he was dissociating which was a common occurrence. He watched for signs of discomfort to make sure that Shouto was not having a flashback.

He eventually got Shouto to focus on his chicken nuggets but his movement was delayed and his mind still seemed to be somewhere else. It was a good thirty minutes before the fog seemed to clear from Shouto's mind.

"You back with me, Sho?"

Shouto nodded but did not say anything. Touya had a feeling that Shouto would be nonverbal for a bit after dissociating.

"What do you want to do?"

Shouto sloppily signed play.

"Ok, but first we need to test your sugar."

Don't want to.

"You have to, we need to make sure you are healthy, come on it will be over before you know it."

Touya grabbed Shouto's kit and decided to do the test while Shouto was in his high chair. This time Shouto did flinch for the poke, but did not cry.

His reading seemed to be better than last time which made Touya happy. He looked up from the machine when Shouto tapped the table.

Good?

"Good peppermint, really good. Let's go play with trains."

Shouto's face lit up as Touya moved to unstrap him from the chair.

They played with trains for a good two hours before Shouto and Touya were both drifting off. Touya then got off the floor and stretched before picking a sleepy Shouto and Soba up and taking them back to Shouto's room. Touya quickly changed him before deciding to take him to his and Keigo's room so they could nap together.

Shouto was practically asleep at this point and did not react to Touya placing him and Soba on the inside of the bed next to the wall and covering him.

They slept for a good two hours before Shouto woke Touya up by tapping him not too gently.

"What's wrong, peppermint?" Touya asked groggily.

Wet. Shouto made the sign for.

"Ok let's get you changed."

Touya got up from the bed and did his usual stretch hoping his back would pop but it did not. He then picked Shouto up and took him back into his room. The change was a quick one while he planned in his head what to make for dinner.

He then took Shouto and Soba out to the living room where he placed them on the couch and put on a kids documentary about polar bears so Shouto could be distracted while he cleaned up the train mess.

Touya then made quick work of dinner making spaghetti for Keigo and himself and then made cold soba and some grilled chicken for Shouto. Shouto had been eating the same meal every night for two weeks and he hoped that Shouto would still be ok with the grilled chicken.

Dinner was quiet as Shouto seemed to still be a bit dazed from his dissociation earlier in the day. Touya was ok with the quiet as he knew that Shouto would talk when he was ready to.

Seeing that Shouto was still tired he decided to quickly bathe Shouto, diaper him, rub pain cream on his inflamed areas and lotion on the others, and dress him in a pair of Toothless pajamas.

Touya tested his sugar one more time for the night, finding the number to be acceptable. He then settled in the recliner with Shouto on his lap while he put on Finding Nemo.

Shouto was quick to fall asleep in his lap and for that Touya was grateful. He got up and placed Shouto in his own bed, making sure Soba was nearby. He tucked him in, kissed him, and put up the railing.

He knew with Shouto not every day was a good day, but Touya was grateful for every day he had with him.

Chapter Text

Touya woke up abruptly at the sound of screaming and crying, his heart rate skyrocketed in response. When the fog started to clear from his initial wake up he knew that it was Shouto screaming most likely from a nightmare. He scrambled to get out from under the covers, stumbling through the dark to navigate to Shouto’s room. The sight that he saw before him was a sight that he saw quite often.

The smell hit him before he could really process what had happened. There were times that Shouto would scream himself sick after a nightmare. It seemed like this was one of those times. The poor child was crying his heart out and Touya rushed to him and put down the railing and picked him up not caring about the mess.

“Oh ShoSho, it’s ok, it’s ok Aniki is here. It will be ok, I’ll make it all better.” Touya could tell that his diaper was soaked probably from terror.

Shouto was still crying his heart out, trembling in Touya’s arms.

“Baby it’s ok, I’m not mad. I will never be mad at you for this. It’s ok. Can you try to breathe for me? Come on Peppermint, I know you can ShoSho, follow me ok?” Touya then took slow exaggerated breaths trying to get Shouto to copy him.

Judging by the fact that his good eye was focused on him, Touya took that as a good sign that he was not caught up in a flashback.

“Come on Sho, it’s ok, Aniki is here. I’ll make it all better.”

Shouto most of the times he was like this was too overwhelmed to talk and would often become nonverbal. During these times he would also have a difficult time remembering the signs to communicate.

Today did not seem to be one of those days, “B-b-bad. Ani-i-i! It ba-bad!” Shouto cried loudly, tears and snot streaming down his face. His little fists curled into his shirt as tight as they could, afraid that Touya would disappear.

“Was it a bad dream, baby?” Touya asked, still not expecting an answer, but Shouto always surprised him.

“H-h-him hu-hurt, Ani! Hurt-ed! M-m-ad wa-was h-he! Bad b-b-ad Sh-sho!”

Touya kept bouncing him up and down in his arms in an attempt to try to get him to calm down so that he would not make himself sick again as the cries picked up again.

"Peppermint you aren’t bad. You are such a good boy. He was the one that was bad, baby. It’s ok. I love you Shouto, you are safe here baby. It’s ok, come on, try and breathe for me.” Touya repeated his exaggerated breathing and Shouto started to copy him. “That’s it baby. My brave little boy. It’s ok, ShoSho. Aniki will make it all better. It’s ok, I love you, it's ok.”

Touya repeatedly assured him while trying to console him for well over ten minutes. Eventually Shouto’s cries died down and Touya stopped bouncing him so as not to upset his tummy more now that he was calmed down.

“You ok Peppermint?” Touya knew that he was still terrified. He could feel how rigid he was in his arms with the occasional tremble.

“Yu-yucky Ani.” Shouto sad with a pout.

Yucky was an accurate word. Shouto seemed to get away from the sickness relatively unscathed. He had a bit of sickness on his shirt and his hands, but returning him to his bed was out of the question.

“I bet, let’s get you a quick bath ok?” Touya made his way to the bathroom and started to fill up the tub.

“No sl-e-e-eep Ani.” Sho said as Touya moved him about trying to get everything ready for the bath.

He knew that Shouto would not want to go back to bed despite desperately needing sleep. Each night he said the same thing but after much care he would fall back asleep. After a nightmare this bad Touya figured he would need help in relaxing Shouto.

Touya set Shouto down on the closed toilet where he started to undress him as the tub filled. He made sure to also clean Shouto up as much as he could with wipes before he set him in the bath.

“KeiKei w-w-want. Wh-where?” Shouto asked, still wearing the same sad pout.

“Keigo is at work Sho, he will be back tomorrow.”

Keigo had called last night saying that his flight back home had been canceled and he was stuck in Portugal. Touya was upset at the news and knew that Shouto would take it hard. Even though it was often that Keigo would be away from home at night, he really did miss him for the support he would give with Shouto.

Before Shouto could get upset Touya reached under the counter for the basket that kept the bath bombs. Shouto loved bath bombs and they were a good distraction for him as well. Touya made sure to buy bath bombs with essential oils for calming and for sleep.

“Want to pick, Sho?” Touya asked, holding the basket in front of him.

Shouto nodded then decided to pick the bath bomb that was shaped like a heart. He held it close to his chest to keep it safe until it was placed in the tub.

Having deemed Shouto clean enough, Touya turned off the water and picked him up. Shouto raised his hands over his head to keep the water away from the bomb as Touya gently placed him in the tub.

Touya then watched Shouto lower his hands into the water while still holding the bath bomb.

He giggled as the bomb disintegrated in his hands. “Bub-bub-bubbles!”

Touya smiled as he started to bathe Shouto. Usually at bath time he would give Shouto toys to play with, but the object of Shouto taking a bath now was to get him calm and cleaned as quickly as possible so that they could return to bed.

Shouto ran his hands through the pink and purple water, trying to fend off Touya from cleaning his face.

Touya quickly finished bathing him and let him sit in the water and play for a bit. The warm water was doing its job as he saw Shouto start to get sleepy.

Touya knew better than to tell Shouto that he was getting sleepy because the stubborn six year old would then try to assert that he wasn’t tired and would fight drifting off back asleep.

Touya unplugged the tub and let the water start to drain. When the tub was empty he gave Shouto one last rinse to get the rest of the residue from the bath bomb off of him. Shouto was more or less boneless at this stage so Touya was quick to get him dried off and diapered and dressed in his favorite polar bear pajamas.

Touya grabbed Soba, who miraculously did not get in the line of fire of Shouto’s sickness, and made his way to Touya’s own bedroom. Most nights Touya would need the recliner to get Shouto back to sleep, but it seemed that he was well on his way to drifting off without the recliner.

Given how talkative Shouto was and calm he became with the bath, Touya had a feeling that it was going to be another good day for Shouto.

Touya was wrong. Completely wrong.

Shouto went to sleep and woke up three hours later a completely different person.

What woke Touya up was the whimpers coming from next to him on the bed. He turned on the light on the side of the bed and gazed over at Shouto. Shouto still had his eyes closed but his face was scrunched in discomfort and his cries of distress were getting louder.

Touya knew that he was going to have to wake Shouto up, but he was unsure which Shouto he was going to get. The Shouto earlier was easy to calm down with time and was talkative. The other possibility was that Shouto would be woken to a flashback which was very difficult to manage.

Deciding that it could not go on any longer, Touya gently shook Shouto’s shoulder to wake him up. “Come on ShoSho, time to wake up, it’s ok baby.”

Touya continued to softly talk to him and shake him until he felt Shouto’s body give a jolt as he opened his eyes. Touya made sure to quickly withdraw his hand. If Shouto wanted touch, he had to be the one to initiate it.

“Sho?” Touya asked, as he moved the blanket to try to get a better look at Shouto’s face. Shouto’s eyes were unfocused and foggy, staring off into the distance not recognizing what was in front of him.

“Damn.” Touya was hoping for Shouto to have another easy day, but he knew that they were few and far between. He really wished he had Keigo here to help him. He also wished that he would have been the one to kill Enji with his bare hands.

Touya knew that he had to be cautious with Shouto now. Shouto’s flashbacks almost always followed a formula. The first stage he would zone out and not be aware of any of his surroundings. Then as Shouto grounded himself more with the help of Touya he would react to others movements but still would not be a hundred percent there. Then came the fear of everything and everyone around him. With the last stage Touya could then talk him down and try to get him to calm enough to accept cuddles from Touya.

Touya slowly and cautiously made his way out of the bed, careful not to jarr Shouto. He then turned on the large overhead light and then he grabbed his lighter and lit the candle that they kept near the bed for this very occasion. The candle was a eucalyptus mint candle that had a strong scent to it. Lighting the candle was a part of the action plan that Shouto’s therapist had come up with for his PTSD episodes.

Touya waited a good two minutes for the smell of the candle to permeate the room. The therapist had mentioned doing things in stages not to overwhelm Shouto all at once.

For the next stage Touya grabbed his phone and he scrolled to his Spotify. He put the Frozen soundtrack on for Shouto. It was one of his favorite movies so he was hoping the music would get him out of his flashback.

The last step involved Touya leaving the room to go into the kitchen. He reached into the freezer for an ice cube and took it back to the room. Shouto was still in the same spot. Touya approached the bed and carefully moved the blankets to expose his belly. Since Shouto’s hands had the blanket in a chokehold, Touya placed the ice cube under his shirt onto his chest, making sure not to touch him. The shirt held the ice cube in place. The physical stimulation from the ice cube helped to bring some awareness to Shouto.

Touya kneeled at the side of the bed and waited as the music played, searching for any change in Shouto.

Towards the end of "Love is an Open Door" Touya started to see a minor change in Shouto's features as his eyes darted around and his breathing picked up. He started trembling at the weight of the flashback playing in his mind. Touya knew to stay still so as not to spook Shouto any further.

The music kept playing as Shouto was fighting the demon in his head. Touya hated this. He hated waiting, unable to help Shouto further.

Finally as "Fixer Upper" was finishing Shouto's breathing bordered on hyperventilating and Touya saw alertness come to his eyes registering that someone was next to him.

Shouto gave out a breathless scream as he scooted away from Touya, not recognizing him as his brother.

“It’s ok ShoSho, it’s just Touya. It’s Ani. No need to be scared. I will never ever hurt you. My baby boy, I love you so much. Come back to me Peppermint.” Touya continued to reassure for a good eight minutes as Shouto still not quite there cowered near the wall.

Shouto then gave a violent jolt as his breathing picked up and he looked around frantically trying to become aware of his environment. Almost as if he was teleported from whatever horror he was thinking of to the present day. He saw Touya, but he started crying as he shook where he was curled up near the wall. He reached his right hand up to his mouth and bit onto his index finger, trying to regulate himself. Touya moved to get it out of his mouth and Shouto flinched violently.

“No ShoSho, let’s not use your fingers. I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Shouto it’s Ani, do you recognize me? Sho baby, come back to me. It’s ok.”

“N-n-o hu-rt. No n-n-o, pwe-e-ease n-no!” Shouto yelled, not recognizing that it was Touya before replacing his finger back in between his teeth. The scene broke Touya’s heart.

How many times has Shouto begged like this for his parents to just ignore him and mistreat him? It made Touya sick to his stomach whenever he would hear him beg.

“It’s ok, you are safe. I won’t let anyone hurt you. Shouto can you hear me?”

Shouto’s big teary mismatched eyes looked up at him as he continued to cry and tremble and bite his finger. Thankfully after Touya repeated himself for a good five minutes Shouto nodded and focused on Touya, eyes no longer darting around frantically.

“You want to come get some cuddles Sho?” Touya asked as he opened his arms.

Shouto nodded frantically and with his left arm gave the signal for uppies, not releasing his right index finger from his canines. Touya quickly picked him up and held him to his chest as Shouto began to cry even harder. Touya reached into the nightstand drawer for a pacifier they kept in a case. Shouto was old enough to not need one, but the therapist had noted in times of extreme stress it would be beneficial since Shouto often bit his fingers for self soothing and grounding.

Touya opened the case and took the pacifier in his hand. He then slowly tried to extricate Shouto’s finger from his teeth. He succeeded and gave Shouto the pacifier while frowning at his bloody finger.

“That’s better, Sho. My brave boy. It’s ok ShoSho, Aniki is here.” Touya rocked Shouto while he cried and furiously sucked on his pacifier.

It was sometimes easier to treat Shouto younger than he was. Due to his poor nutrition his growth was severely stunted and was about the height of a two year old. Also with the brain injury and trauma he often acted younger than he was for comfort as well.

Finally after ten minutes with Touya’s reassurance Shouto stopped crying and started wiping the tears away from his eyes.

“You ok, Shouto? Feeling better?” Shouto nodded. “Would you like to talk about it?” Shouto hesitantly nodded. “Do you want to talk about it but can’t talk right now?” Shouto nodded. “Would you like to sign it for me?”

Shouto gave the sign for “mama” which Touya was not expecting. There had been many times where Shouto relived the trauma from his mother, but it hadn’t been happening frequently. There were times where Shouto would ask him if he was a monster. Touya would laugh and say no, until one day he asked Shouto why he was asking. It turned out that Rei had referred to him as a monster child before she burned him.

“Oh ShoSho, I’m so sorry I bet that was scary. Would you like to tell me more?” Shouto shook his head. “Ok, thank you for telling me Sho, let’s get you ready for the day. We can relax together today, how does that sound?” Shouto didn’t give an indication of an answer other than clutching Touya’s shirt tighter in his hands.

Touya knew that today was going to be a struggle. It usually was if Shouto woke up with a flashback to start his day.

Touya made his way to the bathroom first where he helped Shouto brush his teeth and then bandaged his fingers for him, making sure to leave openings on the tip of them so that he could access them to check his sugar, which was going to be difficult today. Touya then used a warm washcloth to clean off his face gently. Shouto stayed quiet and still sucked his pacifier. Touya brushed his hair and put it into two pigtails to keep it out of his face.

Touya then picked him up and took him to Shouto’s room. It still smelled of sick from last night, but Touya would deal with that later. He tried to put Shouto down at the end of the bed but Shouto clung to him.

“It’s ok Sho, I’m just going to change you then you can cling to me all you want.” Shouto begrudgingly let go of Touya and layed back on the bed.

Touya was quick to get the changing supplies and also a set of ducky pajamas from the closet. He changed Shouto then took the pain relieving cream and rubbed it onto him before dressing him up.

Touya then headed with Shouto to the kitchen preparing himself for the impending struggle. He could tell Shouto knew what was coming as he started to grab onto Touya tighter and start to whine a bit.

“It will be over before you know it Sho, you know we need to keep you healthy. Can you be a brave boy for me?”

Shouto shook his head, Touya inwardly groaned. He walked up to the counter and set Shouto on it. Shouto had him in a tight hold and refused to let Touya walk away from him. Thankfully the testing kit was near enough that Touya could reach it. He quickly got everything set up while Shouto still hid in his chest.

“Come on Sho, it’ll be over quickly, can I have a finger please?” Touya could see the tears in his eyes but he eventually removed his left hand from Touya’s shirt and held out his index finger. “Such a brave boy I have!”

Touya was quick to prick his finger which today brought a lot of tears. Touya held Shouto and tried to shush him while he looked at the meter. It wasn’t too low, but it wasn’t great. It was going to be difficult to get Shouto to eat to try to get it up. Usually on bad days he refused everything and just wanted to cuddle with Touya or Keigo.

Eventually Shouto’s tears dried up and Touya took that as his sign that he could place Shouto on the couch while he made a quick breakfast. When he got to the couch Shouto was having none of it and refused to let go of him no matter how much Touya had pleaded.

This led to Touya trying to cook with an anxious child attached to him. Touya managed somehow to make scrambled eggs for him and Shouto. Blowing to cool them off, he began to try to spoon feed Shouto at the counter. It worked for a couple bites, but then after the sixth one Shouto had decided he had enough.

Touya finished up his and Shouto’s eggs before placing the dirty dishes in the sink.

Shouto lessened his grip on Touya’s shirt and appeared to be drifting off to sleep.

Touya carried him over to the couch and turned the TV to a lullaby video. He held him for a little while longer as the blinks Shouto had were getting longer and longer. Touya took this as his opportunity to lay him on the couch with a blanket and rushed quietly to get Soba from his bedroom.

With Soba, Shouto was fast asleep on the couch, giving Touya some time to quickly get ready and to hopefully clean up the mess in Shouto’s bedroom.

Touya showered and got dressed, leaving the door open to the bathroom to try to hear if Shouto needed him.

Touya had gathered Shouto’s sheets and threw them in the wash. He was finishing cleaning up the floor when he got a call from Keigo.

“Hey babe, how are you?”

“I’m good. I’m still on Japan’s schedule, it's messing me up.” Keigo chuckled.

“That’s why you should come back home to us.”

“I will, I will. My next flight will take me home and then I am off for three days and I get to spend it with my two favorite people.” Touya smiled. “How are the both of you today?”

Touya sighed, “I’m ok, stressed a little bit. Shouto had a nightmare last night which is normal but I got him back to sleep after I cleaned him up. He cried himself sick again.”

“Poor baby. I am sensing that there is more though.”

“Yeah, he woke up to a flashback this morning again and it was rough. It took almost an hour to get him to calm down enough. He bit his finger again. I just……I just feel like, am I doing something wrong?” Touya bit his lip to hold back the tears that sprung to his eyes.

“Baby, you know that you are a wonderful brother. You love Shouto with your whole heart. Shouto loves you just as much if not more. This was all thrust into your life and you are doing a good job. The therapist said that it wasn’t going to be easy because he has a ton of trauma. He was not loved and cared for until he came into our care. You are doing a fantastic job and I know it's hard because today is a bad day.”

Touya smiled weakly but stayed quiet for a bit, trying to not let the tears in his eyes fall.

“Thank you I-” Touya was cut off by a bang and then screaming and crying from the family room.

“What was that?” Keigo asked, concerned.

Touya didn’t answer him as he ran into the family room and threw the phone to the recliner as he saw Shouto crying on the floor.

“Shouto what happened?!” Touya yelled as he took him into his arms. Shouto cried his heart out as Touya tried to calm him down. Touya felt his anxiety grow. Shouto was far too delicate to be falling as hard as he did. What if he hit his head and made things worse? He was quickly starting to panic. He had just questioned if he was the right person to care for him and then he falls in his care?

“TOUYA!” Touya heard yelling from the phone that he had discarded.

Touya scrambled to pick it up, breathing hard, bouncing Shouto in his arms.

“Kei I-I don’t know what happened! I don’t-” Touya tried to explain his anxiety mounting.

“Sweetheart, calm down. Take a slow breath for me. Follow my breathing.”

Touya hesitantly followed his breathing and slowly began to calm down.

“First off, try to give Shouto his pacifier, he seems to be calming down but you know that will help.”

Touya took the pacifier off the couch and placed it in Shouto’s mouth, silencing him almost as he sucked on it and cried in intervals.

“Ok, that’s much better. Now can you please tell me what happened, my love?”

Touya took a breath before he answered. “I have no idea. I had him sleeping on the couch so that I could clean up his room. Then I was talking to you and I found him crying on the floor. I don’t think he rolled though.”

“Try asking him, put me on speaker.” Touya did. “Sho, sweetheart, my little boy, what happened?”

Shouto’s cries dwindled down to hiccups. “A-ani here n-n-n-o. Sh-sho h-him f-find. D-du-dumb legs w-wo-w-work no.”

Touya’s heart sank. This was his fault he was away for too long.

“Touya, stop blaming yourself. It was an accident. Sho sweetheart, your legs aren’t dumb, they just need to heal. They will be strong again and then you will be chasing us all over!” Shouto giggled at that and Touya gave a small smile. “But we don’t want you getting hurt, so you have to wait for us sweetheart.”

Touya squeezed Shouto tighter.

“O-owies KeiKei.” Shouto said with a frown.

“What hurts, baby?” Touya asked, chastising himself for not checking earlier. Shouto pointed to his arm, it would most likely bruise, but it didn’t seem like he broke anything thankfully.

“Just a bruise, it’s ok Peppermint. Want me to kiss it and make it better?” Touya asked.

Shouto nodded and held out his arm expectantly. Touya made a show of kissing it which made Shouto laugh.

“I need to go now, but I will be home later tonight my love. I love you both.”

“KeiKei t-too y-you lo-love!” Shouto said.

“Aww, thanks little man, be good for Ani alright?”

“Bye babe, see you later.” Touya hung up the phone and tried to use Shouto’s good mood after talking to Keigo to his advantage.

Touya took him into the kitchen and set him on the counter, thankfully he was able to get Shouto to take his meds as he took his as well.

“Want a snack, Sho?”

Shouto shook his head. “J-juice?”

Touya nodded, happy with that compromise. “Ok Sho.”

Touya got apple juice in a non spillable cup and gave it to Shouto who fought with his coordination to bring the straw to his mouth. He eventually got it and sucked on it enjoying the cold juice.

Touya then took him for a change and walked back into the family room curling up with Shouto on the recliner, watching Frozen with him.

It seemed that Shouto’s clingy mood had started to come back to him as he latched tight onto Touya again. They stayed that way till the end of the movie when Touya had to desperately use the bathroom.

Shouto refused to let go of him and Touya was forced to carry him to the bathroom. He set him down in the hallway outside the bathroom and had to talk to him through the door to reassure him that he would be right out.

This started the tears all over again. Touya was quick to finish before taking Shouto for a change while he cried.

Walking back to Soba and the couch, Shouto did not stop crying. He eventually cried himself to sleep with Touya’s gentle reassurances only to wake up thirty minutes later screaming and crying again.

“It’s ok ShoSho, it was just a dream Peppermint. They can’t hurt you anymore. It’s ok, my strong little boy.” Touya continued repeatedly to calm him down.

Shouto thankfully drank a shake while in Touya’s arms but refused any food. Touya was stressed, he didn’t know what he could do at this point.

After a diaper change they sat back on the couch with Shouto in Touya’s lap once again. Touya had put on Shrek which Shouto usually laughed at, but he didn't, which told Touya that he was dissociating.

When it was time for his blood sugar to be tested again Shouto did not flinch or give any indication that he had been pricked. Too far off in his head to realize what was happening. Touya would rather have him cry than this. His sugar was of course low, which was concerning but not unexpected as Shouto had eaten little all day.

Touya sat with Shouto on the couch trying to get him to drink more juice, which he thankfully did before he started to get tired again.

Touya was relieved at this as he was tired himself and ready for a nap. He took Soba and Shouto into his room and laid him down before crawling under the covers himself. In no time Shouto and Touya were cuddling and fast asleep.

They managed to sleep undisturbed for a good three hours before Touya woke up to quickly make dinner and put the dried sheets back on Shouto’s bed. He woke Shouto up to change him and feed him, which thankfully this time he ate a decent portion. Touya bathed him and got him ready for bed with little difficulty and then watched some of Finding Nemo with him to get Shouto sleepy again.

After a long and mentally taxing day Shouto was put to bed with Soba in his own room. No doubt he would wake in a couple of hours, but for now he was sleeping peacefully.

Touya then got himself ready for bed and laid down, waiting for Keigo to get home. Touya was unsure how much time had passed as he laid there stewing in his own thoughts. Before he knew it Keigo was in his pajamas, crawling into bed with him.

“When did you get here?” Touya asked, confused.

“About half an hour ago. You seemed to be dissociating a bit so I rushed to get ready for bed to lay with you. Come here, my love.” Keigo said as he gathered Touya to his chest.

This seemed to be what Touya needed as the dam he had been holding up all day finally broke and he was crying into Keigo’s chest.

Keigo let him cry for a bit while he held onto him tight and ran his fingers through Touya’s hair, giving him kisses on the head every so often. It was a good ten minutes before the tears started to dry up and Keigo just held him tight.

“Touya, I know that looking after Shouto is hard. I know because I have been there with you, but I know that I cannot be here all the time. I am sorry for that. I want you to know that you are an amazing brother. You love him so much and take care of him so well.”

“But h-he’s not happy!” Touya teared up again.

“Touya, my love, that isn’t because of you. It is unfortunately because of his horrible life before us. He has good days and he has bad days but he has a lot more good days now thanks to you. You are the light of Shouto’s life. He loves you so much and so do I. I know it's hard to remember the good days when he is having a bad day, but baby he is happy and living a wonderful life now thanks to you.”

“He got hurt today…”

“That’s bound to happen with kids. I know that it is a bit scarier when he gets hurt because he is so delicate, but just because he fell does not make you a bad caretaker.”

Touya frowned but did not argue. Still stewing in his emotions.

“Get some sleep my love, I will take care of Sho tonight and tomorrow so that you can get some rest and have a bit of a break. It will be ok my love. We love you so much.”

Keigo kissed his head again and held him tighter.

Touya was still uncertain, but for now he chose to believe Keigo as he drifted off to sleep.