Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It starts with admitting you have a problem in the first place.

There was the light scratching sound of pen to paper, it’s scribbling calculative and deliberate with most of the words that came out of a soft male voice. The only other sound was a clock among the gray and otherwise bland walls of the stuffy room.

‘Tick, tick, tick…’ 

The sound was hypnotic. Just because it was there to tell you time made it all the more easier to forget it was even passing. It became a droning, repetitive tool instead of a useful one at best.

The window was open with a screen to prevent insects and birds from entering the small space. It was the only thing that kept the room from being a cultivator of claustrophobia. If it weren’t for the window in mention, the reserved man speaking so softly and so thoughtfully would have never found something to relax with. Its openness allowed the gentle breeze of the wind inside. It was like a soft nudge telling him, ‘It’s alright.’

“We don’t have to talk about everything in one session. Don’t force yourself to ask for answers. The process to understand the mind is a time-consuming one and must be taken in gentle strides. Not every answer is the correct one.” This deep and serene voice seemed to quell the anxiety of the younger man sitting across from the office desk. Whether one would realize it or not, the relaxation of the shoulders and evening of breaths taken felt better when done involuntarily. 

His face was calm and understanding. His long dark hair parting from behind his ears made the man look paler than he already was. His eyes weren’t oppressive and held a gentle firmness about them.

“Xie Lian,” the pale man called.

The smaller, more timid of the two looked up gently, his posture was relaxed, but there was still a feeling of uncomfortability in him.

“Yes, sir?” 

“After today’s session, if you find that I’m a therapist who can work best with you I would like to schedule an appointment for next week to try and figure out some simple exercises for you to try moving forward.”

He started slow, but eventually nodded his head a few times fast. “I would like to try that, yes.” 

There didn’t seem to be any sign of protest in his voice as he spoke. It was all quite straightforward, with every word overthought and spoken slowly as if he didn’t want to say anything incorrect or offensive. There wasn’t any fear or panic Xie Lian could feel at the moment. The man writing down the things he said made him feel okay to speak about his insecurities. When Xie Lian had requested he open the window to let the air in, the man agreed with an issue that it was “his office.” 

He smiled. His voice never lost its coolness, “Good. Let me write this up real quick so you can give it to Ling Wen down the hall.”

Xie Lian was handed a small rectangle paper with new appointment notes. There was no need to box off the medication list just yet. Xie Lian didn’t think he’d have to take any sort of medications while he was trying to find himself again. Best to let that happen if it came to.

Xie Lian gave a polite bow and took his leave, “Thank you, Wuxiānsheng.”

He closed the office door with a soft click and made his way back down the hall the way he entered. He stopped to give the piece of paper to the receptionist who looked like she needed to take a nap. Xie Lian didn’t look too closely so as to not be rude, but he couldn’t help but notice the dark circles around her eyes despite the fact there was makeup evident on her face. 

“Excuse me, I have this to give you,” Xie Lian smiled. 

Ling Wen looked up from the computer screen and looked right back down at it. She was typing away for a few moments longer before she suddenly stopped and extended her hand out for the paper Xie Lian was still awkwardly holding out for her to take. His smile still held, just as awkward.

“Do you want to do it at the same time next week or would you prefer a different day,” She asked.

“The same time is fine!” Cheerily, his awkward smile was still present.

To be honest, he wasn’t really sure how to interact with this situation. The woman sitting in front of him didn't seem the most social, but he didn’t seem to think she was acting in a rude manner either. Somehow Xie Lian just chose to believe right off the bat that she was devoted to her hard work and made it into her personality. 

He knew someone like that.

She scribbled something on a small card, double checking that her information was correct, and handed it to Xie Lian to keep on his person a reminder to not forget.

He graciously accepted it with both hands and gave a small nod. “Thank you!”

The building was tall. Jun Wu’s office was on the top floor, music to his chagrin. Unfortunately the walk throughout the whole building was rather dull. All the walls were of a slightly faded wallpaper with some god-awful half-floral, half-circular patterns. The whole pace felt homely, but not somewhere you could really get comfortable. All of the waiting room chairs were hard and equally as difficult to find that sweet spot for your butt to forget about the furnitures’ flaws.

Xie Lian wasn’t unfamiliar with such decorations or styles of architecture. He’s been to many places in his life. One he felt most comfortable with was the traditional style of old temples and shrines, They were open and some bright. This felt much like the opposite.

His awful smile was in an attempt to not show how he truly felt in the physical space.

Opting to take the elevator on his way down, he saw many event posters hung up in bolted photo frames on the steel walls. 

One of them was for a certain social therapist named Pei Ming. Former sergeant commander in the army. He retired early due to his bad reputation as a womanizer, but managed to get his degree and license in the practice. The focus of the sponsored seminar was to gain confidence in yourself and your abilities. Wonder how that one would go.

The other one was of his own therapist who he just met not even two hours ago. 

Jun Wu.

He didn’t have the background of a general or anything that he (or the general public) spoke about himself as, but he did tell Xie Lian he was once a professor at a prestigious private university. That he had a degree in psychology with a minor in sociology. He said he almost went back for socioeconomics and political science. Didn’t know if he wanted to be a lawyer, politician, or teacher. Somehow he became a therapist. 

A well requested one, too.

He had a seminar in the next month about how to find yourself and how to accept life’s failures and turn them into stories of success. At least, that’s what it advertised on the paper.

He would have to see if he was free that day. Maybe he should invite Shi Qinxuan, Ming Yi, and Quan Qizhen to come along with him,

As Xie Lian stepped outside he adjusted his eyes from the cool building to the bright sun in the sky. He used one of his hands to make a visor while he pulled his phone out of his pocket with the other. He checked the time to make sure he wasn’t running late.

He also didn’t know the place his friend Shi Qingxuan wanted to meet up at so he wanted to make sure he arrived early to not look like a complete idiot. 

-

The streets were as busy as they should be for midday afternoon. Idle chatter filled the air and people wore all sorts of expressions on their faces and bodies.

All Xie Lian could think of was how nice it was to finally get a day out of the house and to himself for a bit. Although it wasn’t for the entire day, it was still nice to be able to choose what he wanted to do without being told what to do.

Hearing people argue and families laugh was a delight to Xie Lian’s ears. Who knew!

And as it turned out, it didn't take him long to get to the location Shi Qingxuan referred to at all. It was only a few blocks down and on a second floor location/ It was a very quaint place. Not too run down, but it wasn’t something that would gouge your eyes out if you looked at it for too long if you were lower class centuries ago.

It was a traditional noodle and rice shop run by a local family. Qingxuan saw it on the internet and immediately decided that they all just “had to go there.” 

Xie Lian opened his messages and texted the group chat the four of them were apart of and let them know he had just arrived and was going to get them a table.

There was a response immediately from Qingxuan, “Okay! Be there in 3! *winky face*”

Ming Yi only gave a thumbs up to the message while Yizhen didn’t seem to reply at all.

And it was exactly three minutes when Shi Qingxuan appeared at the door and sauntered across the room to the table Xie Lian had reserved for them.

If there was a word that would combine flamboyant and eccentric, it would perfectly describe Xie Lian's best friend Shi Qingxuan. Influencer, fashion icon, energetic, beautiful - all gave value to the wonderful Shi Qingxuan. They always carried a fan and fanned it in the air whenever they wanted to make a grand entrance and to let someone know they were there. Always vying for attention and demanding the spotlight, it wasn’t a big deal for Xie Lian. He couldn’t bring himself to care too deeply about it. 

In fact, it was quite the opposite. The more attention was off of him the better. If he happened to make a mistake at least no one would see. Xie Lian’s clumsy self would be forever grateful to let Qingxuan take the lead.

Trailing behind them was a depressed looking Ming Yi and sleepy Quan Yizhen.

It honestly looked as if Ming Yi could be doing literally anything else while Yizhen was dragged out of bed.

Xie Lian knew Yizhen’s long curly hair could be a hassle to deal with daily, but right now it just looked like an absolute mop! Quan Yizhen looked half dead and unaware of everything around him by the way he almost bumped into two waiters on  the way over. It had to be Ming Yi to pull him out of the way and help steer him in the right direction. 

As expected, this seemed to be the group’s dynamic. Xie Lian sat back and did things without anyone noticing him, Shi Qingxuan took the lead and often instigated situations, Quan Yizhen did what he wanted and decided that it usually would be to sleep, and finally Ming Yi was the one who would establish resolution and prevent chaos from breaking loose in the three realms.

It was a pretty balanced group in Xie Lian’s opinion. He was content with who he had around him. He couldn't like it sometimes, though. They could be a bit frustrating to deal with at times. Both Qingxuan and Yizhen could be quite stingy and hardheaded. Especially when it comes to listening to other people's suggestions. 

Xie Lian couldn’t help but give a wave and a shy smile to greet his friends. Qingxuan forced him to stand up so they could give him a big hug. A common greeting for the social butterfly they were. The contact made Xie Lian a bit nervous, but after a few times of this happening he eventually became accustomed and accepted the hug with open arms.

It wasn’t that he was afraid of contact, it was just that it wasn’t his preferred method of interacting with people. He respected other’s private space and wished that others would do the same for him.

“Oh, my sweet Xie Lian! How long has it been since we’ve been together like this!” Qinxuan dramatically greeted his friend.

“Uhhh, “ Xie Lian started, “”I think you’re exaggerating a bit. We hung out last week, haha…”

Qingxuan separated from Xie Lian with a playful huff, “You’re no fun!”

Xie Lian’s greetings to Ming Yi and Quan Yizhen were much more tame and civil in comparison. Just a simple hello and funny face to set the mood between the four of them. They all sat down and started browsing the menu.

Of course, it was Qingxuan who started the conversation to save from an awkward silence.

“So tomorrow night, we’re all meeting up at my place, right? I’ll have all of our stuff ready to go.” A gasp, “I can get snacks so that way we’re not spending all of our money!”

Ming Yi was the first to respond, “Snacks would be nice. I’ll be over early.”

Shi Qingxuan’s eyes twinkled. 

Ming Yi looked over at Xie Lian, “But that’s only if you grab Yizhen in my stead.” He deadpanned, “Your turn.”

Xie Lian sighed and gave a pathetic laugh, “As if I don’t run late already on my own.”

Up to this point Quan Yizhen had been quiet and held a blank expression. No one really knew what went on inside his head half the time so there was no way of knowing if he agreed with any of the plans that were being made. In fact, it looked like he was about to fall over and fall asleep at the table!

A few waves in front of his face caught his attention, thankfully. Xie Lian was trying to get his attention, telling him he would be over as soon as he got off of work tomorrow.

Yizhen’s eyes gained focus and he shook his head a little, finally paying attention to something being said. “Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll leave my door unlocked.”

“That’s so dangerous!” exclaimed Qingxuan. “At least leave the key under the mat so that way if you do fall asleep, no one would be able to break into your house and murder you!”

“I think you’re too paranoid, Qingxuan. Even if someone did try to break into my home and kill me, I’d beat them up first.” Yizhen responded nonchalantly.

“Just because you’re good at martial arts doesn’t mean you should give it the opportunity to manifest in your life’s course!” Qingxuan argued back.

Ming Yi and Xie Lian gave each other a knowing look.

Here we go again…

Xie Lian spoke up first, “Hey! I’ll be over as soon as I get off of work so if something were to have happened, I could report it or do something about it! No big deal! Besides! Yizhen lives in a really nice area! I don’t think the security there would let anything suspicious happen on their watch.” And there went his awkward smile. Not quite knowing how to calm down Qingxuan without them stressing for their friend’s safety, Xie Lian tried his best to play it off cool.

“But…” They trailed off, trying to think of something to say.

Ming Yi chimed in, putting his hand on Qingxuan’s shoulder in consolation, “Xie Lian’s has a point, Qingxuan. Yizhen’s place has good security. Plus Xie Lian is also good at martial arts, don’t forget. So if something were to happen because a door was left unlocked, I think either of them would be able to protect themselves without much issue.”

Shi Qingxuan gave a loud sigh in defeat and threw their hands up. “Fine! You win! But that doesn’t mean I won’t worry.”

Yizhen resumed only half-listening to anything that was being said to or around him again. He picked his head up from reading to look for a waiter.

“But that reminds me, Xie Lian.” Qingxuan became calm as quickly as they got flustered. “I need you this evening. What you’re wearing doesn’t have a lot of cloth, but it still looks ungodly big on you! I need to make sure your measurements stay right!”

Xie Lian laughed a bit, “This again? I’m not very broad, but I don’t if something doesn’t fit exactly perfect.”

Ming Yi interjected, “Don’t fight them. They did the same with me until they got everything absolutely perfect yesterday. Same with poor Yizhen.”

Bright eyes and a large smile whipped to Ming Yi. Qingxuan held up both thumbs with a hissed ‘yesss!!’.

“On top of that,” Qingxuan continued off of Ming Yi, “The Lantern Festival is literally tomorrow night! And you work until just before it’s supposed to start! I need you to let me finish this for you! Making these robes has been such a joy for me!” 

At this point Qingxuan was holding onto Xie lian’s sleeve, begging him to come over so they could finish it.

“Okay, okay!” Xie Lian gave in, unable to keep enough energy to argue with them. As much as Xie Lian loved Qingxuan, he still had to admit that they were a lot to deal with. Very loud and energetic - almost to a fault. They cared a lot for the ones around them, but it can be easy to feel overwhelmed by them if you let them take the lead for too long.

“I don’t have anything going on today, anyway.” Xie Lian smiled and rested his head in his palm.

“Waiter, I’d like all of this, please.”

Yizhen suddenly spoke to a waiter he called over. No one noticed him call one over nor did Xie Lian or Shi Qingxuan see what “all of this” was, but by the bulging of Ming Yi’s eyes clearly it must have been a lot more than the table could fit. Not to forget to mention it was only for him.

.-

It was just as Yizhen had said - he would just leave the door unlocked and let Xie Lian walk right into his apartment. And lo and behold there sleeping beauty was, completely sprawled all over his main room couch. Hair everywhere and half of his shirt buttons undone in random locations.

Waking him up was the fun part, though. Xie Lian and co had developed many ways to awaken Yizhen out of his deep slumbers. From pinching his nostrils and lips all the way to banging pots and pans around. But one Xie Lian hadn’t told the rest of the group was still a theory he had in his mind.

While Xie Lian was preparing for one of his many first therapy sessions, he stumbled across various articles and scholarly journals about the subconscious and how things being played or spoken around us while being asleep can affect our thoughts and memories.

Xie Lian cleared his throat and prepared himself for something no one on this Earth should be able to know or witness.

Finding his pitch and rhythm, he began to sing - very poorly - Toxic by Brittney Spears.

The words were foreign on his tongue, and he had only listened to the song a handful of times while riding around with Yizhen, but Xie lian knew for a fact that Quan Yizhen listened to American pop music when no one was around!

Yizhen’s eyes snapped open and he began singing along right where Xie left off and even continued into the chorus! XIe Lian’s eyes widened.

His theory worked! Sound can affect you even when you’re not conscious!

Suddenly Yizhen stopped and looked over at Xie Lian. Embarrassed, he said in a serious tone, “No one’s going to know about this.”

“No, I completely agree,” Xie Lian wasn’t going to tell anyone what practice he had to do in order to test his theory.

The car ride over to Qingxuans’ was quiet and uneventful. Especially now that it was no longer a secret (at all) that Quan Yizhen enjoyed the Westerns Top 100. Somewhere in him Xie Lian wanted to apologize for stepping into that line of territory, but at the same time he didn’t want to. It was just funny to him. Secretly though, Xie Lian’s wallet was screaming because of the cost of the ride to Quan Yizhen’s apartment. This was the best gift from the gods at the moment for Xie Lian.

With the silence being a little too unbearable, Xie Lian spoke up first, “Thank you for driving us over. And I’m sorry about the pop music thing. I just think it’s interesting how my theory worked.”

“Don’t worry about it. Ming Yi knows, but please don’t let Qingxuan know. They’ll never shut up then. I would never be able to get a nap in around them.” Yizhen was calm and focused on the road. It was a rare sight to see him not foregoing responsibility at the wisp of a moment. It bore the question of how Quan Yizhen could afford and have so many nice things when all he did was sleep all day. 

Xie Lian wasn’t sure of all the details. He had only met him after his discharge from the military, afterall. He would make a mental note to ask him about it when the mood was right.

It wasn’t too much longer before they reached their destination. They ran a bit later than they intended, and surely heard from Qingxuan when they called on the phone in a panic.

It was the moment they arrived when, with all their might, Shi Qingxuan threw the traditional robes at both Xie Lian and Quan Yizhen and forced undressed and redressed both of them to make the process faster. Like a whirlwind, Shi Qingxuan went through every detail of their masterpieces in the most chaotic fashion to make sure it was absolutely right. 

It was in this flurried panic that they forgot about putting makeup on their gege like they had originally intended.

“I’m okay, Qingxuan. Really! I don’t think my face needs it!” Xie Lian was trying to defend his poor skin from their assault.

“It’s not that you need it! It’s that it would make you look hotter than you already are ! Now close your eyes, dammit! You’re not gonna look like a bimbo if that’s what you’re worried about!” They forced Xie Lian to the corner of the backseat of the car as they piled in so they could work their magic. Yizhen then broke about ten road laws in the span of fifteen minutes.

In the end they all made it to their destination sort of safely… safe enough to where no one really died or got injured. Especially Xie Lian who had a liner pencil in his eyes for a duration of time thanks to the deniably aggressive Shi Qingxuan.

They examined their work on Xie Lian and gave themself praise. Putting both hands on their hips they gave a smug look and boasted, “The l’artiste is a genius!”

Xie Lian didn’t know if he should laugh or cry at this. He hadn’t even seen himself yet! How was he to know what they did to his face was acceptable? He never really fully agreed to it, either!

“Qingxuan, what did you do,” Xie Lian eventually groaned when Ming Yi and Yizhen both gave Xie Lian nods of approval. Looking at each other and Qingxuan with ‘yeahs’ and ‘looks good.’

This wasn’t to say Shi Qingxuan wasn’t going to take a photo of their handiwork and post it on social media, either. They would show him, but only after they got what they wanted first.

XIe Lian was the prettiest man in all of China right now and no one could convince his friends otherwise. His long brown hair parted down the middle and tied back into a loose bun on the top layer, allowing his face to to be framed naturally. His eyes were large and round with the touch of mascara and dusting of shadow on the lids. His lips were painted a beautiful red to match  the little red accents Qingxuan added at the last minute to Xie Lian’s robes.

After some awkward poses directed by Qingxuan, XIe Lian finally got to see the damages made by his friend. Xie Lian’s eyes widened - this wasn’t what he expected. He looked like a woman!

“I look like a woman! A very pretty woman! But still a woman!” Xie Lian paused. “What if a guy hits on me??”

Ming Yi was observing Xie Lian and taking extra photos for Qingxuan. “Say yes and hope he’s rich.”

XIe Lian didn’t know if he should laugh or cry. “Ming Yi…” he whined, “I thought you were on my side?”

Ming Yi chuckled, “Not right now.”

The group of four eventually found their way to the main street where the lanterns and lights would light up a bit later that night. Qingxuan, of course, was dragging everyone around to participate in fortune games, games for prizes, and grabbing food at various stalls. Each space between Yizhen and Ming Yi’s fingers had something on a stick between them. 

The street was absolutely crowded with families, couples, and individuals looking for a good time. Xie Lian’s wrist had been consistently held by Shi Qingxuan’s fierce grip as they used Yizhen’s height and hair as a beacon in case they got separated from one another.

The vibes were alive and rife with excitement and building tension for this big event. All around them there were lights strung up ranging from traditional candles and white lights to neon greens and blues in wacky shapes both kids and adults could point and laugh at. Some were shoddily done in respect to the gods or in honor of someone passed on. It was an endearing sight.

Xie Lian didn’t notice when his wrist was let go among the crowd. He was too busy looking at precious antiques that an older woman was selling and telling stories of. A small crowd of people began to form around the grandma, trying to listen amongst the chaos all around them. Xie Lian still couldn’t hear her very well, her voice was old and strained. She still had a smile on her face nonetheless and brought a few of the smaller children closer so they wouldn’t get trampled and could have the best chance to hear.

A few minutes passed by when Xie Lian looked up and around for his friends. Specifically searching for Quan Yizhen’s curly mop among the height of the crowd, but it was fruitless - Xie Lian was technically lost and by himself at the New Year’s Lantern Festival. Time was running out, too. 

People were starting to get antsy as they heard talk from lantern crews and security teams making their presence a bit more known to the crowd.

Xie Lian’s head whipped around, a bit more panicked now. He was still relatively calm, but dressed in a light drag getup didn’t exactly help him feel any better being by himself at this moment.

He sighed, “Oh, boy…”

Xie Lian began to walk around, looking a bit more desperately this time. His tall friend was nowhere to be seen. He would take a few small steps among the tight spaces and lift himself up onto his toes to see a bit more on the horizon.  He would push past people lightly trying to cause conflict or to hurt himself or others, but sometimes he really did have to use a little force to get through. His pace slowed when he started to see the lights of the lanterns fly into the sky. 

Xie Lian couldn’t help but be in awe at what he saw in that moment. Even while in the service, he was never able to get off duty to see a lantern festival. Maybe when he was a young buy, but that was a long time ago, and not in any recent memory. The illuminations of yellow and orange glows against the black and violent sky wsa absolutely gorgeous. It was as if the stars were brought down to the mortal realm for humans to touch and hold in the palm of their hands. Something so unreachable now became an attainable reality. The reflection that showed in Xie Lian’s brown eyes was pure childlike wonder as his mouth hung open just slightly. His breathing was slow, steady, and controlled as if he were manually controlling his vital functions trying to stay aware.

His head, turned upward to the sky, slowly inclined down to normal eye-level when from across the distance he accidentally made eye-contact with something also staring right back at him. He couldn’t tell much about the man from across the street besides the long hair and eyepatch because in those next few seconds he heard Shi Qingxuan yelling at him telling him they had to leave right now.

As Qingxuan grabbed Xie Lian by the arm and dragged him to the front end of the street where the group entered from, there were a couple of guards trying their best to make their way through the street in a slow chase. 

Xie Lian tried looking back to the man that was staring back at him, but found that he was nowhere to be seen anymore. Something in his heart told him to be a bit sad, but his friend dragging him through the crowd prevented him from thinking too hard about it.

“Can you run? Straight to the car!” They sounded out of breath.

“What happened?” Xie Lian was keeping up with his friend easily.

“Someone bumped into Yizhen and knocked his snacks out of his hand. He popped a gasket and punched someone out!”

Xie Lian’s mouth dropped, “HUH?”

From the other direction, Ming Yi and Quan Yizhen caught up with the two and hurriedly unlocked the car doors. Original seating arrangements thrown out the window. It was a get in and drive, buckle up when you can.

Qingxuan pulled out their fan when they were settled and seated and began to fan themself from how sweaty they had become, “Whew! That was fun!”

All Ming Yi could do was stare back at them in half disbelief and half exhaustion.

Qingxuan smiled and laughed, “Thanks for coming out with me guys! Even though Yizhen punched a guy out, It was still fun while it lasted.”

Xie Lian only smiled. After all, he did get separated until the end when they all had to bolt to the car.

Ming Yi turned back around and looked at Xie Lian, “Where did you go? You were with us until just before the incident.”

“Oh, well I remember A’Xuan holding my wrist for most of the time until they weren’t anymore and then I remembered wandering around a bit. There was a grandma telling stories about old antique items she was selling and showing off. Then I looked up and you guys were gone and the lanterns started to float up. Next thing I knew, A’Xuan dragged me out of the street saying Yizhen hit someone.” Xie Lian recounted everything he could, but he was unsure how to explain the moment his eyes met that stranger across the street. He felt something click in that moment, but it was too sudden to think anything serious of it. In fact, he was probably reading too deep into it. It was probably the lanterns creating a moment in his head. But still, best he keep that to himself lest Qingxuan got an idea.

Qingxuan grabbed Xie Lian’s arm and hugged him loosely, “Well as long as you’re not hurt and had fun that’s all that matters!”

Xie Lian smiled and leaned his head against Qingxuans’, “Yeah.”

Chapter Text

« Les gens accablés par les ennuis ne regardent pas en arrière ; ils savent trop bien que le malheur les poursuit. »

- Victor Hugo (1802-1885), Les Misérables

The ticking of the clock kept Xie Lian from going insane. It gave him something to focus on inside of the pitch black room he was firmly seated in.

It was like being trapped inside of a cage you couldn’t escape. 

His body was trembling with each passing moment, the only thing keeping him sane was the ticking on the wall. 

One, two, three…

Steady breathing - in and out. 

Four, five, six…

He would continue to count in his head as instructed. As hard as it was, it seemed to help bit by bit. But the longer he went, the more he noticed how unsteady his breathing still was. He was shaking. He was trying so hard to stay calm.

His body was on fire. From the crown of his head all the way down to between his toes Xie Lian felt like the heat was turned on too high that no matter how many layers he could shed it still wouldn’t be enough.

Xie Lian kept counting numbers. His eyes were wide open, but it was pitch black. Even desperately through the focus, he was searching for a source of light.

Seven, eight, nine… 

nine , nine, “...nine, nine…” 

He was caught. It was soft, but desperate. He kept reeling. Trying to pull himself out was harder than he originally thought when he walked into his session. He knew what today was going to be, and even told Jun Wu he wanted to proceed with this method.

Jun Wu was reluctant at first, but was unable to dissuade his patient. Part of the process was learning what worked and what didn’t work for oneself. It became apparent rather quickly however that in Xie Lian’s bashfulness he had no idea that, despite saying he thought of a way to work on his phobia, he didn’t have any idea. 

Jun Wu sighed mentally to not alarm his patient of his concern. Instead, he kept his face in the charismatic way he always had. 

He turned on the light, and immediately he saw the tension leave Xie Lian’s body. Jim Wu didn’t even realize he was holding tension in his eyes watching the person in front of him, a sheen of stress-induced sweat covering his face, trying their hardest to not writhe or lose their own composure. Before Xie Lian could look at his therapist, Jun Wu relaxed his upper face to match his lower. A soft and kind smile found its way outward.

Xie Lian’s eyes were wide with uncertainty. There was fear, panic, and a form of repression he couldn’t pinpoint. His breathing was erratic, but he controlled it well. Taking in breaths slowly through his nose  to control his inhale, he exhaled through his mouth to maintain steadiness. It was a trained habit he was thankful for. He didn’t realize his arms were glued like cement to the sides of his body; hands death-gripping the arms of the furniture he was in.

“It’s okay now,” Jun Wu called out. “You can relax. Breathe. Let me open the window.”

As Jun Wu walked over to open the office window, Xie Lian slowly began to unclench his body. His breaths were getting deeper and more steady with each new passing moment. His hands burned with already developing lactic acid. He tried to massage them, but it only provided temporary relief. He bunched a jacket sleeve into one of his hands and wiped the perspiration off his face.

Jun Wu eased himself into his desk chair and crossed his legs, letting his hands settle in his lap similarly. His voice came out smoothly.

 “Now that we’ve seen how that would go, let’s go for something a bit more practical.”

It sounded like he was half-insulting Xie Lian, but after declaring this was, in fact, something he thought would work for himself, Xie Lian felt he probably deserved the passive aggression. He laughed a bit nervously and rubbed the back of his neck with the sleeved hand.

“I guess I thought that if someone was here with me I’d be able to do it, haa.”

Jun Wu chucked softly at Xie Lian’s naïvité and began to write something on his notepad. There was a soft click from his tongue as he prepared to speak, “It… doesn’t always work as simply as that. I can understand where most people get the idea that it would, however. It’s as we find comfort in others where we can find the confidence to face our problems head on like that.”

“O-oh… I guess I never… thought of it like that…” Xie Lian looked at Jun Wu directly this time, listening intently. 

“How do you usually sleep at night, Xie Lian?” Jun Wu asked.

“Uh.. with the lights on?” He answered the question, but as a question. “It’s a  bit uncomfortable at times, but otherwise I wouldn’t be able to.”

Jun Wu raised his fine eyebrows in small surprise to XIe Lian’s original method. Jun Wu wouldn’t dare laugh, but he did find it rather amusing. He leaned back into his chair, his posture hadn’t really changed, but somehow he looked even more comfortable. “Let’s try this.” He repositioned himself and sat straight once more. “Go ahead and buy an eye mask. You can keep your lights on, but sleep with the mask on. Take it off when you feel uncomfortable.”

Xie Lian gave a shy smile and nodded at the suggestion, a bit embarrassed he didn’t think of it himself by how simple it sounded. An eye mask for pete’s sake! How come he didn’t think of that before he even came here!

“I’ll try it out. That uh, that sounds better than my idea already,” Xie Lian admitted.

Jun Wu smiled, “Good. Don’t force it. Give it time and you’ll be able to reach where you want to be. It won’t be immediate, though.”

There was a comfortable silence in the room. Xie Lian was no longer focusing on the clock on the wall, but on the breeze coming through the open window. He breathed in and allowed the breeze from outside to console him. He felt the breeze intensely on his cheeks as they were still flushed from his earlier episode. 

Rolling closer to his desk in his chair, Jun Wu put on his glasses and turned the monitor back on to begin typing notes. “Let’s call it for today. Your days seem to be going well and there’s nothing about your behavior that calls for any concern. Uh, besides your general shyness? Could be an unfamiliarity thing,” he explained. “Which reminds me, a colleague and I both have seminars coming up. As much as I would love to see all of my patients there, it’s understandable if you are unable to attend. But I think in your case with your general shyness, having a listen to whatever Ol’ Pei has to say might help with some other issues we don’t necessarily talk about here.”

Xie Lian just stared at his therapist with big doe eyes. He was listening, but what else could he say besides, “okay”? 

Jun Wu noticed and immediately waved his hand in front of him to try and settle some of the awkward air. “Heh, I’m not trying to chastise you. I want you to learn how to deal with your problems and grow from those things you learn. I’ve known Pei for a bit now, and I think he might help give some thoughts for quality of life purposes.

“I work specifically with trauma, and he’s more of a group seminar therapist. I feel like having a listen would be beneficial, is all.” Jun Wu felt like he spoke in a circle, but he remained his usual charm and tone. You could only make so much progress in sessions such as these. It’s not his intention to call his client out on his other issues he didn’t want to discuss, but there was a part of Jun Wu that wanted to boast about his and Pei Ming’s projects.

“Yeah, Um,” Xie Lian started, “I saw the posters in the elevator last time and I was going to ask my friends if they’d be interested in, um, going with me.”

Xie Lian had no idea why he was so nervous all of a sudden. Was it the sudden invitation his therapist directly gave him or was it because he had already planned on going? He wasn’t sure. Jun Wu’s voice was incredibly calm and Xie Lian found it hard to not feel like he was under a microscope.

“I’m glad,” Jun Wu admitted. He turned to Xie Lian and handed him a similar piece of paper from the week before. “Go ahead and give this to Ling Wen on your way out and I'll see you next week.” He got up to open the door for his patient and gave a wave as he left.

XIe Lian gave a small bow out of respect and made his way back to Ling Wen. Same deal as last week - she was typing away on her computer, gave minimal acknowledgment to Xie Lian, and eventually made it to putting his appointment in the system. Xie Lian’s smile still held its awkwardness, but he figured if it was going to be like this every time, then there shouldn’t be too much to worry about in what would become an every time meeting.

There wasn’t anything else for Xie Lian to do that day since he started taking his days off for his sessions. All of his friends were busy with their own work, and he didn’t want to disturb them, but man did want to punch himself in the face for earlier. And without at least Shi QIngxuan to vent to, he was going to sit in his own embarrassment until the day ended.

With a sigh, Xie Lian walked to the bus stop and waited for the next available ride to his route home. He crossed his legs and rested his head in one of his palms not realizing the state of absentmindedness he slipped into.

Time passed without a thought until Xie Lian noticed the shadows on the ground began to shift and change with the sun placement. How long had he been sitting here waiting for this bus? He took out his phone to check the time and saw it had been nearly an hour since he sat down. 

Strange, he thought. The buses were running earlier, otherwise how would he have gotten here? He checked the public transport app to see if there was a reason they had stopped running so suddenly. But as soon as he checked it there was nothing to show for it! It said all the buses would run as normal and there were no delays. 

He huffed in frustration. That can't be right. Then why weren’t they running? Xie Lian decided in all of his stubbornness he would wait a bit longer. He was determined the bus would eventually show up so he didn’t have to walk that distance home.

And continue to wait, he did. It was another thirty minutes before someone came up to him and told him that all the buses in the immediate area got into a bad collision and would be out of commission for the week.

Xie Lian didn’t know if he should laugh or cry, but the result of the fake smile he used to cope was almost comedic in situational gestures. “Oh, really? Thank you very much!”

Xie Lian rarely got angry, but he couldn’t deny the frustration that was starting to boil right now. 

He waited an hour and a half for a bus that was never going to come because nobody was updating the app. He could’ve at least made it to the supermarket to get his eye mask and some vegetables by now if he had known earlier.

He did a light stretch and began walking.

By car, he didn’t live too far away from the central city, but he didn’t live super close to it, either. He lived in a low to modest income community that worked with his lifestyle and habits nicely, but it was still a drag to get to and from places due to the distance it was from literally everything.

It took Xie Lian nearly forty minutes to get to his neighborhood supermarket. Once again, he found himself with a thin layer of sweat despite the temperature, but this time he felt more grimy due to the physical exertion. He felt gross. 

He had no idea why, but Xie Lian felt like something was after him today. His intuition was screaming that something was off. He wondered if it had started at his therapists’ office. He did feel a surge of embarrassment while he was there, and then sat outside for an hour and a half waiting for a bus that wasn’t going to come. As much as he tried to brush it off, there was this nagging feeling in the back of his mind that wouldn’t stop poking him.

The first thing he went to grab was the eye mask Wu xiānsheng told him to grab. The unfortunate thing was that all of the basic and normal ones weren’t in stock and all they had were the glittery pink and yellow ones. With a sigh, Xie Lian took the less offensive color to his pride and grabbed the yellow one. 

Better than nothing, is what he told himself.

Then it came to the sorting and buying of fresh produce - usually Xie Lian knew what good and bad produce could look like, but somehow his judgment finally misguided him. He didn’t realize until made it half way down the street that most of his choices were either already molding or about to go bad! How had that slipped his eye? He knew he wasn’t the best at making food for himself, but he wasn’t naïve enough to just grab anything off the shelf and take it with him. In fact, he inspected everything until he was certain that it was to his standard.

As he walked he kept looking around as if he would find something was there messing with him. Swapping out his vegetables at random while he wasn’t paying attention or poking him in the shoulder or arm to get his attention. Xie Lian furrowed his brows in frustration. 

It was when he got home and went to take his house key out that he really felt like something was out to get him. 

His key was nowhere in his pocket to be found! Did he drop it somewhere? His heart skipped a beat at the thought. He adjusted the bag in his arms and checked his other pockets for good measure and did, in fact, find a gaping hole in his back pocket. With a heavy sigh full of slowly boiling anger like that of a pot of water threatening to spill over Xie Lian lowered his head.

It was in slow motion: Xie Lian set the bag of groceries down on his doorstep and right next to it, in front of his door he slid down and sat there with a blank face. He had no reaction. This was just a bad day. That’s how he would describe it. Nothing he couldn’t get over. Trying to reassure himself that this was only temporary and he’d be back to normal tomorrow.

Deciding he didn’t want to look like he was breaking and entering into his own home, knowing the current stroke of luck he had today, he called Shi Qingxuan hoping he wasn’t disturbing her with her busy schedule.

“Hellooo~~” a bright sing-song voice came out the speaker, immediately giving Xie Lian something to smile genuinely about for the first time today.

“Shi Qingxuan,” he started, “I hope I’m not bothering you.”

“You would never bother me, Lian Lian! Whatsup?” There was something about the way Shi Qingxuan spoke that you could just hear the shape of their mouth or if they were smiling or frowning. It was an interesting characteristic you could get from them. There was no one else Xie Lian knew that had a personality that spoke as loudly and clearly as his friend’s did.

“Haha, well that’s the funny part, isn’t it? My keys fell out of my pocket and I have no idea where I could have dropped them.”

“Oh no,” Qingxuan exclaimed. “That’s terrible! Do you need me to come over? I should still have your spare on me!”

“Ahh, yeah. I was going to ask you if you could, but I wasn’t sure if you were going to be able to.” There was a smile on Xie Lian’s face now. His friend was coming to rescue him! How wonderful it is for others to not have bad luck at a time like this.

“Not be able to?” They sounded almost offended, “And what would you have done? Slept outside at your door like a stray dog?”

There was no response.

“Lina Lian! No! Try that response again!”

“I, uh…”

“Ugh! Don’t move, I’ll be over as fast as the wind can carry me!” They abruptly hung up.

Xie Lian looked at his phone screen as the call ended and felt a twinge of guilt for having to call his friend to help him out like this. The last thing he wanted was to pull people out of their work to deal with his problems. It was funny to Xie Lian because he doesn’t even remember when he started acting so cautious or insecure about his shortcomings like this.

Thankfully he didn’t have too much time to dwell on those thoughts because it took Shi Qingxuan less time to get to him than originally anticipated. They really did travel with the wind, it seemed. Not wanting to cause any more concern for his friend, however;  Xie Lian kept his rotting groceries as inconspicuous and covered as possible. 

“Lian Lian! I’m here!” Shi Qingxuan practically flew up the creaky wooden stairs that led to Xie Lian’s apartment. Despite that, their makeup and outfit were both immaculate and undisturbed. Such a feat was impossible for Xie Lian and his clumsy self, but it was nice to see that someone could be so effortlessly perfect in a seemingly stressful situation.

They hugged him tightly and patted down the sides of Xie Lian’s arms and smoothed the top of his hair. A gentle gesture that made Xie Lian wish Shi Qingxuan was the sibling he never had. 

An awkward smile followed by an equally awkward, “Hello,” was all Xie Lian could say.

“How did you lose your keys?? You have everything else, right? Wallet? Phone? Ofcourseyouhaveyourphoneyoujustcalledmeonit.” Qingxuan was running a mile with their words making sure that Xie Lian wasn’t completely disheveled or out of sorts at the moment.

“I’m okay, Qingxuan. You don’t have to keep doting on me,” he reassured them with a more genuine smile. “Apparently I have a giant hole in my back pocket and my keys slipped out. I have no idea where they could have, though.”

Qingxuan breathed a sigh of relief and started to pull Xie Lian inside of his home. “Take your pants off I’m going to fix them right now.”

Holding his bag of groceries in his arms he looked back at them, “Huh? That’s not necessary, I have more pants!”

“Yeah, but you’ll be wearing these again eventually, so let’s just remedy the situation,” they countered.

-

Shi Qingxuan was a beauty influencer and brand ambassador. On the surface people could only see their potential as a beautiful image to sell products and have a fun time. But underneath all of that they were very talented and took their craft very seriously. They had a beautician license and could create her own outfits and accessories. Most people didn’t get to see that side of them except their friends though they tried. Through trial and error they quickly learned her audience didn’t find that side of them very interesting even though it was what they enjoyed most. 

They and Xie Lian sat in his main living and kitchen area to fix the hole in his jean pocket and talk about the struggle Xie Lian had for the day. To Xie Lian, this was almost a waste of one’s energy, to Shi Qingxuan, this was a deed one would do for their friend because they love them and want them to be successful.

“So you’re telling me,” Shi Qingxuan stopped at a loop and started speaking with their hands, “that the buses stopped running because they all got into an accident with each other and no one thought to put any sort of notification in the app? And those vegetables you brought home just suddenly went bad as you were walking home?”

“Yes.” Xie Lian answered honestly. He started to poke and prod at the rotten produce, trying to scavenge for scraps he could potentially use from it. “I looked at all of these twice over and they were all fine before I even checked out!”

Shi Qingxuan suddenly let out a small gasp, their eyes widened and they put both of their hands flat on the table. You could almost see the lightbulb go off over their head. “You can call me crazy, I know I am. Ming Yi would definitely call me crazy!”

Xie Lian raised a thin eyebrow and looked at his friend with a newfound curiosity. “Yeah?”

They looked around  as if someone could be eavesdropping before they got real close to Xie Lian. Their voice was almost a whisper, “Have you heard of the Monkey King?”

“The… huh?” Xie Lian was confused. “Who?”

“The Monkey King!” They shouted. “You’re telling me you don’t know about that old story?”

Xie Lian searched his brain for a moment before ultimately responding, “no?”

Shi Qigxuan grabbed him by the shoulders and sat him back down at the table. They began to tell the old tale in true Shi Qingxuan fashion. Full of distractions and filler speech. Xie Lian listened intently.

“Okay, so we have all these Gods and stuff, yeah? Okay. so the Monkey King was basically a prankster born out of magic stone on this mountain somewhere and assumed to the Heavens. He knows and protects all the monkeys in the world, but he can also turn into like, a hundred things or something like that so he could pretty much take Heaven whenever and however he wanted to. Except it was also known that Heaven didn’t really like the Monkey King because of how mischievous he was. He played a lot of pranks.”

“So,” Xie Lian started, “What does that have to do with me?”

Shi Qingxuan leaned in, “Again, I’m crazy.”

Xie Lian nodded, “Yes…”

“I think The Monkey King has descended and is playing with you, Lian Lian. DO you remember anything weird besides today?”

That's when the lightbulb went off over Xie Lian’s head. “Oh! It was just last week, right after the Lantern Festival! The day after while I was going to work I tripped over my own shoelaces! Scraped my knee and all. And uh… there was this box that I didn’t think was too heavy when I went to grab it from the top of the storage shelf that fell and  hit me in the mouth!”

All Shi Qingxuan could do was listen with their mouth open, confused at how okay their friend sounded by getting hurt so often.

“Oh! Oh!” A memory appeared in Xie Lian’s mind. “At the Lantern Festival. There as this woman telling stories about some antiques she had! She let us touch them and everything! They were really cool!”

“And one of them was a monkey wasn’t it?” Shi Qingxuan deduced.

“Yes!” Xie Lina exclaimed.

“...” 

“Oh…” And the realization struck him. “Do you think that when I touched the statuette it cursed me?”

Shi Qingxuan put their hands over Xie Lian’s, “I’m going to need you to stop touching things, babe.”

Xie Lian lowered his head, “okay.”

A moment of silence passed between them.

“So how should I break the curse?” Xie Lian spoke first.

“You should try to find that old woman and tell her what’s on your mind.”

“Qingxuaaan,” he whined, “I’m not going to beat an old woman up!”

Shi Qingxuan huffed and crossed their arms, “Then you’ll have to go to a nearby temple and get a talisman or something. pray to the Gods to do something. I bet that damn Monkey’s laughing at you right now.”

“I’ll have to do that the next day I'm off work. Or least when I end my shift. I don’t think I’dbe able ot find that old woman again even if I tried. My best bet would be to check that same street to see if she lives or works nearby, but who knows. That’s like finding a needle in a haystack, you know?”

Shi Qingxuan thought about it, “Hmmm, yeah. But if you go to the temples in the end you have to let me know! I wanna go,too!”

It was strange. Xie Lian hadn’t thought about the Lantern Festival since they had their sudden departure. It was very lively and all of the things he saw were beautiful and gorgeous, but there was something unresolved in its significance in Xie Lian’s life. Something in his heart kept him uneasy about it, it felt. He still hadn’t told his friends about it for fear they’d think he’s the crazy one for even thinking about it in the first place.

It was just the fact he’d locked eyes with someone from across the street, and for the brief moment in time that there was non one blocking their vision from each other. How on earth was that possible? It was shoulder to shoulder traffic that night! But even for that brief moment there was a small spark - like a firework sparkler you can hold in your hand. 

Time slowed then. Every time he thought about it he could feel the skip of his heartbeat and the slight numbness his fingers felt from the unexpected arrhythmia. He had to control his breathing to make sure he didn’t start spiraling from thinking too much.

How could he bring this up to any of them? That he saw some stranger in a sea of people and time literally stopped for them to make eye contact? That sounds like an absolute fairytale! Who in their absolute mind would believe something like that could happen in real life?

Well… there was one person. And they happened to be sitting directly across from Xie Lian hemming his ripped jeans this whole time. 

If there was someone who was a bit crazy, it would definitely be Shi Qingxuan. They even admitted it not even an hour ago! Someone who had flair and mind for eccentricities of the world. An active romantic is what you could call them if you got on the topic. Not unlike a hopeless romantic, but they weren’t the type to dwell on every single flaw, is all.

As if they knew something was on Xie Lian’s mind, Shi Qingxuan looked up from their work and raised a perfectly done brow. “You’re quieter than usual, ge. What’s up?” They put their full attention on Xie Lian to hear what he had to say outside of his unfortunate monkey business.

Xie Lian was still nervous to say it. He’s never confided in his friends about something like this before, but now that he’s here he wondered if he should just… say it. Get it out in the open and off of his chest.

He breathed slowly, hesitantly, trying to find the right way to say it without it sounding too juvenile, “Well… have you ever… I don’t know.”

“Hmm?” Qingxuan leaned forward, reassuring their friend.

“Like, has there ever been a time where you felt like there was only you and someone else in a room full of people?” 

Blankly, Qingxuan took a moment to process his words before responding with, “That’s a terrible way to describe it. Try again.”

Xie Lian breathed in again in search of new words. “Okay… How about… you’re standing there minding your own business, but suddenly something makes the world around you pause?”

“Like when you see someone fall and you suddenly have the speed to catch them?”

“Uh, kinda. Except no one fell, but you lock eyes with someone instead.”

Shi Qingxuan’s eyes winded a bit. A twinkle present in their green reflection. An excited smile appeared on their rose-tinted lips, “Like you saw someone and it felt like love at first sight?” 

“Uhh, haha, I, uh. I guess? I don’t know? Haha…”

“Or maybe you just don’t know because you do know!How did this happen? When did this happen?What does it feel like?Did your heart flutter?” All of her questions started to blend together to Xie Lian’s ear. He wasn’t sure which question he should respond to first.

“Well, I mean. It was at the Lantern Festival just before you grabbed me and ran. Just after I touched that monkey statue. I was trying to search for you guys, but then I looked in one direction and there was this guy standing there. We just kinda locked eyes in the moment, but there was just this… pull that made me want to approach him somehow.”

Shi Qingxuan’s smile evolved into an open mouth, toothy smile the longer Xie Lian spoke, “Oh, my… I’m kind of jealous! Do you remember what he looked like?”

“Uh…” Xie Lian thought hard about it, “Not-”

“Waitaminute, did you say him ?” Qingxuan cut him off suddenly.

“Y-yeah… I don’t remember what he looked like, though!” Xie Lian felt a bit defensive as he waved his hands in front of him to dismiss the strange feeling he suddenly felt.

Qingxuan grabbed him by the wrist and stilled him, “Nonononono! That’s not what I mean! I kind of suspected it, but I wasn’t gonna pry! I just know you used to be super religious or something like that, so…”

“Oh… yeah.” there was a small blush of embarrassment dusting Xie Lian’s cheeks. He knew Qingxuan would never judge him too harshly or unfairly without hearing him out, but truth be told, he never really thought about his sexuality much before. He didn’t think he was going to now.

“okayokayokayokay ! Back on topic! Do you remember what he looked like? Was he cute?”

Xie Lian shook his head, “Nothing.”

Qingxuan put her head down on the table, disappointed. “Ugh! Man! Just when we could’ve gotten more gossip in the group!”

Xie Lian smiled and got up to grab his brand new yellow-sparkle eye mask.

“How about this one?” He raised it up for them to see. “I’ll have to live with my monkey madness for a minute until I find that woman, huh?”

Qingxuan laughed, “I love experimenting with colors and all that, but I don’t know if yellow is for you, hun.” 

“I’ll have plenty of curse stories for you guys to laugh at me with, though. I just thought that night was strange for me. I haven’t spoken to anyone about it. Not even my therapist.”

“That’s okay! You can trip a few more times, just don’t lose your house keys again!”

Chapter Text

“We are drawn to each other

Like drops of water, like the planets

We repulse each other

Like magnets, like the colors of our skin”

• Tite Kubo, Bleach (2004; 2008) vol. 4, Quincy Archer Hates You

It’s been three days since his conversation with Shi Qingxuan. 

In three days both Xie Lian’s water and heat had stopped working. Being forced to wear his puffy jacket and two pairs of fuzzy socks indoors made the mixed precipitation outside feel much like his now uncomfortable home. There was a phone call made to his landlord about fixing the issues but he was told it wouldn’t be until the end of the week when maintenance would be out. He held back a sigh while he spoke with the landowner, but he found it difficult not to let his frustration show in his voice. 

He had been especially avoidant about the situation to his friends when they asked him if they could come over and hang out. He didn’t want them overreacting to his situation and making his relationship with his landlord sour. He knew Qingxuan would be the first to say something and quickly drag Ming Yi with them. Alas, all he could do was sigh and go on with his days until then. 

Aside from his home falling apart at its foundation, nothing exciting was happening in Xie Lian’s life. He got up, got dressed, and went to work. He would go on his phone every so often to try and find different antique stores he could visit after work. Some he would have to just find the time before he had to go to work in order to ask around. But truth be told, there weren’t too many that were nearby, so Xie Lian would have to resort to taking the train if he wanted to continue his search.

He pitched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “I guess I’ll start close by and travel further out,” he told himself out loud.

His daily routine at work was incredibly mundane. All day he would work at a convenient store in the city and scan odd groceries and other various items and wish people a good day. Occasionally he and his coworker, Pei Xiu, would swap roles and Xie Lian would be the one to stock and be responsible for keeping the store clean. It was like this for about a year since he started. 

It was Pei Xiu who initially told Xie Lian about his current therapist. Xiu’s older brother was the infamous Pei Ming that Xie Lian would always see on posters advertising his live seminar. It was sort of funny, as much as Pei Xiu hated being compared to his brother, they sure did have a lot of similarities. They had a very similar facial structure and almost the exact same smile except this Little Pei didn’t have as much arrogance or moxie in those features..

Xie Lian felt a bit similar to Pei Xiu in that regard. He had a younger cousin that looked similar to him except his eyebrows were bigger and his eyes were a bit smaller than his own. He also had a nasty personality to boot, so the faster Xie Lian would get away from him the better he felt.

Usually Pei Xiu wasn’t much of a talker, but today felt different. Maybe the Monkey King was playing more tricks on Xie Lian? There was a smile upon Pei Xiu’s face and his face a bit gentler than before. In comparison to his usual calm and distant demeanor, one would be naturally curious.

“Xiu didi. What has you so happy?” Xie Lian asked.

“Hm?” He looked up, “Oh, uh. Northing…” Pei Xiu shook his head and tried to deflect Xie Lian’s curiosity.

“Oh, okay!” Xie Lian’s eyebrows furrowed just a bit, the half smile he was wearing the entire day dropped. He knew he wasn’t the most sociable person, but he didn’t think he was that bad to talk to.

Pei Xiu must have noticed his coworker’s expression change because he immediately followed with more words. “I mean, ge. It’s just…” He huffed, “There’s just someone I like and I don’t want it interfering with my job or my productivity, is all.”

Xie Lian blinked a couple times. The dark and mysterious angsty Pei Xiu liked someone? Xie Lian chuckled softly and smiled, “That’s okay! Don’t feel ashamed liking someone!”

Pei Xiu seemed to relax a bit hearing his coworker’s words. “Thanks, ge. I just don’t want people hearing my name while I’m with her and assume I’m a womanizer like my brother.”

“I think,” Xie Lian picked up a heavy box to move to the back of the store, “As long as you stay honest and true to your values no one would dare assume such a thing. Besides, I think the only one that should worry if you’re a womanizer or not is the lady you’re trying to woo.”

Pei Xiu let out a laugh he felt he’d been repressing for some time. “You’re absolutely right, ge. I guess I’m just overthinking it.”

A couple hours passed when it started to rain. Business was slow on the corner today, not that it ever got super busy either. But still, it would have been nice to have a bit more business to make the time go by faster.

It must be the work of that damn Monkey King. The forecast said nothing about rain today. If it did, Xie Lian would have remembered to bring his umbrella. In fact it said it was going to be a seasonal high today. How could they get it so off the mark? He sighed.

“Lian ge,” Pei Xiu called from beside him. “Are you going to see my brother’s talk? I know just based on his personality and style that he's not the one you see every week, but I was wondering if you were curious enough about him to go.”

Xie Lian looked over and made a face of thought. “Well, if I’m going to be completely honest, I wasn’t, no. But Jun Wu convinced me to go, so I was going to go with my friends so it didn’t feel weird.”

“Oh… well then can I come with you guys? Although I have a weird relationship with him, I haven’t seen him in a while. I would like to again.”

Xie Lian smiled, “Yeah, that should be fine. But we usually never have the same days off?”

“I’ll call out. I’m not worried about it.” he said dismissively.

“I see…” Xie Lian could never just take a day off like that. He felt he was too poor to afford the luxury and stuck to only taking necessary days off only.

The silence was awkward then. Xie Lian looked outside to see the rain still hadn’t let up. It was just about time for the sun to set as well. He leaned against the counter and rested his head in both of his hands. He sighed again.

“Um…” Pei Xiu hung around awkwardly, not really knowing what to do since everything in the small corner store was done and didn’t need anymore tending to. “Is something going on?”

Xie Lian didn’t shift his position, but moved his head to look at the younger man, “Kind of, but it’s not a huge deal. I’ve been having some bad luck lately, and my friend believes I may have been cursed by the Monkey King.”

Pei Xiu raised an eyebrow, “The Monkey King? Like the old tales? That sounds a bit… facetious.”

“I try not to be superstitious, but my friend is a real eccentric person and believes most of what they hear to be true or effective,” Xie Lian explained. “But to be fair, a lot of strange things have been happening to me the last couple of weeks. Like that box falling on my face, my water and heat going out, my food spoiling before I got a chance to eat it…” The more things he recalled the less confident he sounded in his situation.

Pei Xiu’s mouth hung open without him realizing, “Ge, what the fuck. You need to do something about your home! Nevermind that box falling on you!”

Xie Lian put his hands up to calm the younger coworker down from a distance. He laughed awkwardly to try and make light of the things he just said. “No, I know! It’s okay! I have things scheduled for the end of the week. It won’t be too long before I can properly live again.”

Pei Xiu huffed and crossed his arms, “Whatever you say, ge.”

-

Xie Lian found himself a couple of days later at Shi Qingxuan’s apartment getting ready for their afternoon adventure to the nearby Puqi Shrine. It wouldn’t be until tomorrow when the maintenance worker would come to his home to fix his water and heater, and he had to admit to himself that washing his hair with a bottle of water was a much harder task than he originally anticipated. Maybe if it were shorter it wouldn’t have been an issue, but the fact that his hair hung halfway down his back made the task much more so.

The last thing he wanted to do was to use the utilities at any of his other friend’s homes, but so much time had passed between his last proper shower that Xie Lian just felt dirty. He wasn’t one to usually complain, but after coming from his weekly appointment, he felt as if he were under a microscope in such a small room he occupied with Dr. Jun Wu.

Of course, when he asked Shi Qingxuan if he could come by before they went to Puqi Shrine to take a quick shower there was no argument or hesitation in his friend’s acceptance. The best part about it was that Qingxuan didn’t ask for a reason as to why he wanted to shower at their place at all. Thrown off a bit, sure, but nothing more than that. 

Shi Qingxuan’s life as an influencer… Xie Lian couldn’t help but be a bit curious, but he wasn’t jealous of the occupation. He wasn’t a huge fan of being in the spotlight unlike his eccentric friend, but he could tell there was a stress Qingxuan didn’t want people around him to know about. The business of always having to look your best was certainly not the healthiest, but Shi Qingxuan’s energy and upbeat attitude knew no limits or bounds.

Xie Lian felt a little guilty as he stepped out of the shower, but grateful that his body wasn’t covered in sweat and grime he desperately tried covering with cologne and deodorant. He leaned his backside against the sink counter after getting dressed and gave a sigh of relief, wiping his freshly shaved face with a towel. His hair was still sopping wet despite squeezing out the excess water and initial towel drying. Not wanting to take advantage of his friend’s selfless kindness, he ignored the hairdryer and wrapped his head in a used towel. XIe Lian opened the bathroom door to be greeted with the chill air that filled the rest of the apartment. The steam in the bathroom was making him sweat, and he graciously took in the temperature change as he exited. A feeling he surely missed from his own disastrous week at home.

“A’Xuan,” he called. “Did you want to go soon?”

From another room he heard them respond, “Yeah! Come here, though!”

Xie Lian followed the voice as it called back to him. A content smile present on his face. He saw Qingxuan sitting on the floor behind a coffee table covered in various makeup supplies and a small mirror. On a nearby couch Xie Lian sat down and crossed his legs and observed his friend.

“Yeah?” Xie Lian asked. 

There was concentration in Shi Qingxuan’s eyes as they did their face, but not enough for them to not have a full on conversation, apparently. Unless, Xie Lian thought, they were just that good.

“Okay, so I’m like, ready whenever I get done, but I managed to convince Ming Yi to join us! He said he just needed to make sure his fish were good, and then he’d join us!”

Xie Lian raised his eyebrows, “I almost forgot he had fish. He only speaks so much. Especially to me.”

“I’m so excited! Today’s going to be so much fun! I haven’t been to any of the shrines in a while! I hope I don’t offend any of the Gods!”

The skill that Qingxuan had between doing their makeup and speaking so enthusiastically was an incredible one to Xie Lian. He could never have so much diverted yet meticulous attention at the same time. He would think his head might explode. 

“Oh, about next week.”

“Hm?” More focus on the makeup now. Blush application was an important one to get right as Qingxuan hollowed his cheeks to find his cheekbones.

“My coworker, Pei Xiu, said he wanted to join us for that thing next week. Is that okay?” Xie Lian asked.

“I have no issue with it. You’ll have to make sure Yizhen is good with driving one more person around, though”

“I think he said he would be able to get a ride himself if not. He just wanted to sit with us.”

Qingxuan paused and turned to Xie Lian, “Is he the young cutie you usually work with? Mid-length hair, usually in a man-bun? Quiet disposition?”

“Uh,” a bit more than Xie Lian would have described him as. “Yeah, I… guess?”

“Wait, Pei? Like, my brother’s friend, Pei Ming?” They immediately asked as soon as the name connected in their brain. 

Xie Lian nodded, “Yeah. Xiu-er is his younger brother. Not too much younger, though. He’s the same age as mine.”

Qignxuan threw their head back and groaned, “ God! What I would do for Pei Ming if he wasn’t an absolute whore and also friend’s with my brother.”

“Well he’s the one of the ones speaking next week sooo…” Xie Lian trailed off.

A louder groan came out of Qingcuan’s throat, but before he could speak again his front door opened and Ming Yi walked straight in with that same mildly annoyed look on his face.

“Thank god it’s just you doing makeup and nothing else,” he said.

Xie Lian greeted his other friend, noting the full coverage, all-black and ripped attire. Sometimes he thought if Ming Yi was trying to hide himself among the crowd, he ended up sticking out more. Although in conjunction with the permanent scowl on his face he definitely didn’t scream ‘ come talk to me’ in the slightest.

“Ming-xiong….! I won’t be able to cope! You have to help me…!” Qingxuan whined without catching the dark-clad individual up in the conversation.

Seeing Qingxuan try and grab onto his legs in his nearing proximity, Ming Yi promptly backed away with his long legs that gave great distance. “I just got here, what the hell are you going on about? Xie Lian, control Qingxuan.”

Xie Lian just smiled and laughed without actually doing anything. On the surface it seemed as if Ming Yi was annoyed by their friend’s behavior, but deep down his lack of doing anything proved a point Xie Lian had held onto that he didn’t mind the extroverted behavior.

“Hey! I’m not a dog, Ming-xiong! Let me finish and we can leave!” Qingxuan complained over Xie Lian’s growing laughter and the awkward cringe face Ming Yi was now making at the prospect of almost making physical contact with something alive.

Their departure wasn’t long after as the whirlwind that was Shi Qingxuan grabbed both men by their arms and dragged them out the apartment and down the street to the nearest coffeeshop. A necessity in the modern world that one influencer couldn’t live without. A luxury to Xie Lian as the most he found he could do was enjoy the smells and calming environment they produced.

Xie Lian wondered if there was an aphrodisiac in coffee he didn’t know about. He looked at the menu's tiny font, impressed there were so many options for coffee alone. He usually drank coffee black from the pots at work, no idea how an ‘iced caramel macchiato ’ would taste. It sounded fancy, though! To him, at least. 

“Lian Lian! Do you want something? I can pay!” Qingxuan asked, holding on to Xie Lian’s arm in their playful skinship. 

“Ah, no thank you. I couldn’t ask you to do that.” He would feel extra guilty for using both his shower and his wallet at that point.

Qingxuan hummed and eyed his friend, not convinced, “I’ll just get you what I get, then.”

“I want the largest size you have, black. Thank you.” Ming Yi was ahead of them. He was very direct in his order and what he wanted, not participating in whatever the hell the two behind him were doing. This was an early start to a typical day in Ming Yi’s life. No one usually heard from him until it was way later. The only time one could get him to leave his home was by force and constant nagging - as demonstrated by the one and only Shi Qingxuan. It was truly a magnificent sight seeing him try to function as a normal human being in this regard.

Before Xie Lian could protest his friend’s generosity, Qingxuan had jumped in front of him and spoke with such lightning fast speed that it almost gave Xie Lian whiplash. “Iwanttwoicedventimacchiatoswithanextrashotofespresso.”

As Qingxuan inserted his card into the machine they looked at Xie Lian and stuck their tongue out accompanied by a wink, playfully mocking him. From the other end of the counter Ming Yi gave a light ‘pfft’ to the typical behavior Shi Qingxuan would display when people tried to decline their generosity.

“It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known each other nor how close you may be, you’re still stubborn enough to tell them no.” Ming Yi commented while taking a sip from the very hot coffee he received mere seconds ago.

Xie Lian whined, “But what if I don’t like it?”

“Then I’ll drink it,” Qingxuan said, raising his hand.

Ming Yi raised an eyebrow, “You’re gonna feel like shit.”

“No I won’t! I’ve gone forty-eight hours straight working with nothing but an abundance of coffee!” Qingxuan fought back, determined that if Xie Lian didn’t like what he got then it wouldn’t go to waste.

Ming Yi only stared at the shorter individual, his eyebrow still raised. If one didn’t know him well enough, it would seem he still looked just as bored now as he did when he walked in the shop. But there was a small glimmer of challenge in his eyes. All Xie Lian could do was stand awkwardly as he was still trying to somehow put the problem on himself.

The barista called their order and Xie Lian took a moment to observe the layers that made up the drink that his friend force-ordered him. He thought it was really pretty. The cream on top was especially nice. A good way to convince people to drink the beverage if they’ve never had it before. 

Two sets of eyes were staring at Xie Lian waiting for him to take a sip. One a playful set of green and the other a dark obsidian, contemplative on whether they should do something at all. Tentatively, he followed Qingxuan’s lead by stirring the drink in his hand a few times and took a small sip. Unsure of the taste, he rolled his eyes up in thought and went back in for another, more generous swig.

“It’s…” Xie Lian smacked his tongue in his mouth, trying to draw out the taste leftover, “I don’t know if I enjoy it that much?” He didn’t hate it, but after having so much convenient store black coffee and whatever generic coffee they allowed on base while he was on duty, it was hard to see the immediate appeal in something so sweet. Yes, there was an extra shot of espresso in there, but the caramel was so overpowering to him that his mouth almost immediately went dry.

Pushing Qingxuan out of the way lightly with his elbow, Ming Yi grabbed the beverage out of Xie Lian’s hand and held it up so the other wouldn’t be able to snatch it. As Ming Yi would call it a ‘disaster in the making.’ “I’ll take it, so don’t feel bad about wasting it.”

Qingxuan huffed and clicked their tongue, annoyed. Ming Yi looked over at them knowing they’d complain. “I’m also taking this because they don’t keep restrooms at shrines as old as the one we’re going to.”

“You’re so mean!” Qingxuan whined. Their drink still very full. 

“Not mean, just practical. You haven’t even made a dent in your own, yet. Calm down.” Ming Yi took a sip of his drink, the cup almost fully forward as if he were close to done with it.

Xie Lian grabbed Ming Yi’s shoulder to gain leverage  and jumped up to grab the raised drink. “It’s not a big deal, guys. I don’t mind it, so don’t make a fuss. People are starting to stare.”

“Hm.” Ming Yi really couldn’t care less about whether or not Xie Lian wanted to drink it.

Qingxuan on the other hand pressed their lips together to not make another audible complaint. They were holding back so much it looked like their face would explode. They eventually pressed the cup of their cold drink to their lips to relax a bit. Their brows furrowed at their friends' nonchalant nature.

-

Spring was just around the corner, but it was still chilly outside. The sun bearing down on them, however, had different plans. 

The walk to Puqi Shrine was pretty ordinary; nothing crazy happened and Qingxuan decided to window shop most of the way there until they got to the outskirts of town. It was about halfway there when they started complaining that their legs hurt and wanted tot ale a break. 

Ming Yi, always on the opposite end of whatever Shi Qingxuan said, sarcastically asked if they were the ones who suggested they come along with Xie Lian. Of course this was met with rebuttal, albeit a weak one. 

Xie Lian chimed in with a, “Well, think about the long terms of walking long distances like this?”

Qingxuan raised their head with a small gasp, “I can get a bigger ass if I do this…” More to himself, but still said loud enough for people around him to hear.

That wasn’t exactly what Xie Lian had in mind, but whatever gave his friend motivation to keep going was enough for him. 

The steps leading to the shrine were shaded by plenty of trees hanging over, leaves dead on the ground and the few strong finally falling, not being able to stay on during the cold weather. The concrete steps themselves looked like they were swept only a few days ago, the wind pushing and pulling fallen leaves back to their unkempt state over the last few days. Every step came with a light crunch underneath. The shade provided by the trees made the temperature drop and the air sharp. The deeper the breath the more it pierced the lung.

Curious, Xie Lian looked behind him to see how far up the steps the trio had gone. The incline was incredible! He was surprised he hadn’t felt it in his thighs yet. Ming Yi seemed to be as stoic as ever in their ascent. Shi Qingxuan however… they were completely hunched over, trying their best. They breathed deeply, but it looked like with every deep breath they took the more they hunched over in agony. He was about to climb the stairs on all fours at this rate!

“Gods! I’m gonna die!!” They heaved.

Ming Yi walked down and pulled them up by the armpit, “You’re overreacting. Stand up straight and you won’t suffer as much as you are. Move.”

“Why are you always so damn aggressive, Ming-xiong! Lian Lian! Why can’t you push me to be my better self!”

“Ah! So you’re self-aware!” Xie Lian joked. 

“Ugh!” Qingxuan groaned.

Eventually, the trio made it to the shrine. It wasn’t huge or grandiose like those of the elemental gods, instead it was quiet and quaint. There were only a couple attendants taking care of the shrine - watering plants, guiding worshipers in burning incense, and keeping trash and debris that found their way there over the night off their doorstep. One of the cultivators standing by the door greeted the small group with a smile and gave a bow.

“Welcome to Puqi Shrine, home to the Gentle God. Have you worshiped here before?” He asked.

“No! This is our first time!” Shi Qingxuan said excitedly.

“Then, please. Keep your voices low and meet with the cultivator inside one at a time. He will guide you.” The cultivator’s hand opened a beaded curtain allowing entry to the dimly lit room inside.

From what the three could see there wasn’t anything extravagant or flashy inside. Two scrolls with beautiful calligraphy hung on either side of a wooden base with symmetrical candle structure, a censer between the two. Just above the whole structure there was a golden Buddha statue. Its eyes were closed, but it was smiling serenely - unjudging.

Unable to hold his excitement, Shi Qingxuan, in their usual fashion , wanted to go first with cries of, ‘Me, me !’ Ming Yi was going to protest, about to explain that this trip wasn’t for them, but Xie Lian put his hand on their shoulder to stop him and gave a smile.

“It’s alright. We can all pray.”

“Hm.” 

As Shi Qingxuan entered the small temple, the cultivator inside stopped them and had them give proper courtesies before going in further. With wide eyes and open curiosity, Shi Qingxuan did everything the cultivator said with the most timid gestures as to not offend the Gentle God, or at worst Buddha himself.

“Hold the incense with your left hand, and pray,” the head cultivator said with a soft voice.

Shi Qingxuan gave a slow, deep breath to relax their mind, their head going down with it.They searched their mind for the right words to say. Maybe it was insincere to search for words while kneeling before God themself, but the internalized fear of saying the wrong thing to higher powers wasn’t something Shi Qingxuan really thought about until, well, they got there.

Softly, they began to pray. Their voice was shaky, but they eventually found their courage.

“Next week… my brother is coming into town to see his friend and wants to crash at my place. I have to take a week off of work so he doesn’t grow suspicious of who I am. Please help me keep my secret.”

They guided the incense to the censer to finish out his prayer. The cultivator guided them up and out of the temple, telling them to walk backwards to not offend the Buddha. Like a foal, they tried very hard to keep their balance, but eventually made it to the hanging beads to the temple entrance. Here the head cultivator inside stopped them and hung a talisman around his neck.

“May your prayers reach God’s Ears, young one.” The cultivator bowed and allowed Qingxuan to give their leave.

Xie Lian smiled warmly at Shi Qingxuan, “How was it? How do you feel? I saw you got nervous.”

“Yo! There’s nothing in there, but like, I was afraid I’d break everything!” Qingxuan released a deep, relaxed breath they were repressing from their stress.

“Clumsy.” Ming Yi said.

“Hush!” Qingxuan pointed a finger at him, “like you’re any better!”

Ming Yi tilted his head sideways, “Hm?”

“I’m going now,” Xie Lian announced. As if he’s done this a million times before, he bowed to the cultivator opening the entrance and stepped inside wordlessly. He greeted the head cultivator inside the temple with a bow as well. Unlike the awkward wreck his friend was in before him, he ceremoniously took the incense in his left hand and kneeled before the statue and censer. 

It may have been a while since the last time Xie Lian prayed. With his luck (or lack thereof), he’d be lucky if God even heard him whisper. “Gentle God, I’ll be frank - I’ve been cursed. I’ve been convinced the Monkey King has it out for me by my friend. I’ve never been the superstitious type, but too many things have been happening. So if you could please watch over my well-being and wallet that would be very kind. Or, um… talk to him? Tell him to stop? Help me find the old lady who let me touch her statue.”

Xie Lian sighed at his apparent rambling and quickly ended his prayer. He placed the incense upon the censer and followed the proper procedure out of the temple. The head cultivator guided him and stopped him at the beaded entrance, placed a talisman around his neck, and wished his prayers be heard.

Xie Lian walked his way over to his friends who were, almost, patiently waiting. Qingxuan’s nerves must have calmed because they were in a very good mood when Xie Lian came back out from the small building. Probably excited for doing something new or just simply getting out of the house on a non-work related trip. Xie Lian gave his signature smile at the two waiting.

Qingxuan grabbed Xie Lian by the arm on instinct. “Lian Lian! We have to come back in the future! Ming-xiong! Your turn!”

“No. I don’t pray to the Gods, sorry.” Ming Yi said flatly.

Qingxuan pouted at their friend’s behavior. “Boo! You’re lame! At least do it for the spirit of the occasion!”

Ming Yi walked over and poked them in the forehead, “No. I’m hungry. Let’s leave.”

“Lian Lian~!” Qingxuan whined, “Ming-xiong’s always hungry!”

Xie Lian could only laugh at the banter. He couldn’t deny the claims Qingxuan made, but he also wished Ming Yi would have at least made an attempt to pray about whatever even if he didn’t sincerely believe in the Gods. His fish? Pray for the good health and happy growth of his aquatic friends? Ah, it wasn’t his place to say anything about that, though. He’d come around if he wanted to.

-

The rest of the week went by soundlessly. Xie Lian’s home essentials got repaired, and his second trip to the supermarket proved better than the last. None of his fruits or vegetables spoiled on his walk home, and the weather held true to the meteorologist’s forecasts.

His last meeting with Dr. Jun was exactly like the one before. Work with the sleep mask, try to get comfortable with it. Alternate days in which you use to not overstimulate yourself. It wasn’t too bad. There were a couple days he couldn’t sleep very well and others he was out like a light. He didn’t have much consistent progress, but he was reassured this was normal even if he tried convincing himself otherwise.

“Instant gratification is a plague infecting many people young and old. Try to have more discipline and patience about your own progress, Xie Lian.” Jun Wu’s voice echoed in the back of his head. He was right, Where had all of that discipline Xie Lian spent most of his time practicing gone? He even made it a point to teach it to his squadron while he led his troops.

It was no time to think about the past right now. On a train full of people, he missed his stop! His distraction to the words and actions of his not-so-distant-youth came and stayed with him entirely too long. He sighed. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at his situation. This time he couldn’t blame it on a Monkey King - nothing bad had happened to him since he visited Puqi Shrine with Shi Qingxuan and Ming Yi. Plus, he still wore that talisman around his neck for extra measure. This was entirely on him.

Xie Lian had gotten off work early to check a store a little distance away so he didn’t have to get home super late, but that plan was up in smoke now, huh? The next stop the train was going to make was in a small mountain village. All he could hope for now was there to be a train heading back home.

Thankfully, the village was a quiet one. It was full of rice paddies and used basic water mills for most of it’s power. Power lines were still a necessity as a means of communication to the main government and city, but it didn’t feel cluttered like everywhere else. A few large buildings made of stone were around the bank edge of the river. Taking an interest to explore the area while he waited for his train, Xie Lian found that it was a small market of local products and foods. Smelling something delicious, he hadn’t realized how hungry he was. He turned around and found a young girl selling what looked like a tofu dessert. 

He walked up to the young girl and smiled, “How much for one of these?”

“21.69 yuan, please!” She happily said with a toothy grin.

Xie Lian gave her an even amount and waved goodbye.

“Thank you, mister!” She called out.

The wait for the next train home wasn’t too long. Maybe fifteen minutes from when Xie Lian sat down to eat his dessert the train was called to start boarding. There weren’t too many people heading back with him. It had thinned out considerably at the stop he missed earlier, but he didn’t notice that. With the few people in the cars, he was able to sit and relax a bit. All day on his feet at work and standing in transit to be polite and considerate to women and the elderly, he stretched his legs out and slouched. Not how one would typically see the twenty-eight year old compose himself, but who would know? Looking out the window, Xie Lian saw the sun just below the horizon and noticed the sky getting darker with the next few passing minutes. By the time he got back the buses would stop running for the day.

He sighed again.

‘Oh well.’

When he stepped out on the street the sky was completely dark and streets were mostly empty. He had a long walk home, but thankfully he was able to eat something before his long trek. The air was chilly, but with spring right around the corner it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. His apartment the week before had been much worse in comparison.

He made a quick pat to his butt to make sure his keys were still there.

‘Thank god.’

He walked down the strip, viewing shops currently closing or already closed. The only things that were open were small bars and smoke shops. Neither of which Xie Lian bothered to visit much. Maybe if he were in the company of someone who did, but never on his own volition. More of an ‘emotional support animal’ so to say.

For some reason, he wasn’t walking very fast for someone who was alone late at night on a big city street. There was something poking at the back of his head. Something pulling him.

Something pulled him.

Xie Lian stopped and looked around him. There wasn’t a soul close to him. He made a full turn to check behind him, but saw nothing. His golden eyes narrowed and his brows furrowed. Maybe he was tired. He couldn’t be too sure. It had been a long day with an unexpected day trip to a new location he didn’t know existed.

He began to walk again, trying to ignore the ever present feeling in his mind. He didn’t walk very far before he started to slow again. The longer he lingered the stronger this nagging feeling grew.

It tugged at him. Pulled him. How do you follow something intangible? 

Aimlessly he wandered. Trying to find something - anything - that would scratch the itch in his brain. The feeling was like that of elastic; stretching and shrinking with whatever distance was created between himself and his uncertain destination. He paced up, down, and across streets, bumping into the occasional drunk standing outside of the still open bars. Some of the buildings he saw that were completely abandoned he wandered into without caution.

He didn’t realize how late it had gotten until he looked at his phone to check the time. “Damn,” he said to himself. He had to work the early shift tomorrow. But the longer he pursued this… this feeling the more he felt like he was missing something important. Xie Lian let his head fall with a sigh of defeat. His hair fell forward and blocked out everything around him. If silence had a sound, he could swear this was it.

But he still felt that piece of elastic tugging at his heart this time. Somehow, he thought he had heard it speaking to him. It was telling him to look over.

There was a large glass wall with bright lights still on inside. The entire interior was a stark, sterile white, causing the building's lights to seem even more intense. But that wasn’t what caught Xie Lian’s eyes and made his heart stop beating right there in his chest.

It was a giant mural of glowing lanterns over the city harbor. Floating to the sky as a means to connect to the Gods and dearly departed. It felt like he was at the Lantern Festival with his friends again. Its beauty was exquisite and its attention to detail was flawless.

Xie Lian hadn’t realized how long he had been staring at the painting until he saw maintenance men coming around to carefully prepare to dismount the canvas. How long had he been standing there?

He was about to turn and walk away again, letting the feeling in his chest fade away, when his eyes suddenly made contact with someone as familiar as a passing memory. 

The man had stepped out from behind the freestanding wall the giant work of art was situated on with his hands clasped behind his back. He was wearing extravagant red robes tailored with a modern attitude, but the base influence was still there. There was a black trim on the white undershirt of expensive clothing, silver jewelry adorned and accented the front. Those silver chains hung all over the robes; surely a fashion statement Xie Lian never understood. There was even the faint glitter of metal from underneath the man’s long dark hair. 

The longer Xie Lian stared, the more he felt his face heat up. He noticed the intricate eyepatch hidden under thick bangs. The eye that stared back at him was dark and handsome. It held him in place.

That pull - that stretch - that tugging sensation - snapped. 

Almost. 

That elastic feeling that Xie Lina let drag him around the dead street of a city finally pulled so tight.

The man he saw through the glass - he was the same one as that night. Seeing him closer and not across a sea of people should have brought him a sigh of relief. 

But he was so beautiful. 

Skin so pale, not a blemish to be seen, and hair so dark, falling perfectly into place letting his best features show. His clothes looked to be made of the finest materials he could never hope to afford unless he hit the lottery.

No one was on the street.

Time seemed to stretch as they started into each other through the invisible barrier.

It was just them in this small pocket of time.

They didn’t know who each other were, but for some reason…

Xie Lian was crying.

Chapter Text

“If I were rain,

That joins sky and earth that otherwise never touch,

Could I join two hearts as well?”

• Tite Kubo, Bleach (2004; 2008) vol. 3, memories in the rain

But… why?

Why was he crying?

There was absolutely no build up to whatever this moment was for him to start crying now. Who was this man? This mysterious man with only a glass barrier between them had only made one other appearance in Xie Lian’s life, and it was only for a fraction of a second in the middle of a crowd on a national holiday!

Xie Lian had no idea what kind of expression he wore on his face. The only thing he knew was that there were tears falling down his cheeks and his hair probably looked like an absolute mess from the day he had. In hindsight - Xie Lian probably looked like a madman or one of the drunks on the street!

The man had an unreadable expression, but it didn’t seem to look malicious or confused in any way Xie Lian tried to decipher in this frozen pocket of time shared between the two. His eye neither narrowed or widened at the prolonged staring, but instead gave Xie Lian a quick once-over in curiosity. Only then did his face make a change of expression. Their eyes met once more when the man, in all of his expensive glory, made a motion that looked like he was going to say something, but remembered the giant glass wall between the two of them.

Xie Lian regained his own awareness when he saw the person in front of him finally move. He almost forgot how cold it was outside until he felt the cold breeze drying the wet tears on his cheek. He shivered slightly at the now conscious realization and sucked in a breath.

Oh, how slow time was moving for poor Xie Lian. manually having to keep check of his vital functions while simultaneously figuring out what he was doing here staring some stranger down as if he was the final piece of the puzzle he was looking for. He didn’t notice the man in red moving towards the entrance until he felt another presence on this lifeless street.

“Excuse me,” a deep voice called out from a distance not too far away.

Xie Lian turned and quickly shook his head, trying to force-dry tears that were still there, but also trying to shake the dazed stupor he still found himself in. The man started to make his way over to Xie Lian. He walked in long, quick strides before stopping a few feet away. He kept his hands behind his back.

The man spoke again, this time a small chuckle carried his voice, “I appreciate the emotion at my artwork, but I must ask you if you’re alright. It’s quite late for someone to be out appreciating the arts.” 

The voice, from how the air carried it at a distance, was loud and direct, but the way he lowered his dynamic and spoke with charm and curiosity sent a shudder down Xie Lian’s spine. He blamed the wind chill. There was a fullness to the stranger’s voice that left a satisfying hum in Xie Lian’s ear.

Xie Lian had to crane his neck upward to look at the man directly in his eye. And how captivating that eye was. It was a deep obsidian with what Xie Lian also thought to be the thickest eyelashes he had ever seen in his life. 

‘Has to be makeup,’ he concluded to himself. 

A smirk appeared on the man’s face, an eyebrow lifted with the slight tilt of his head to the right. The bangs in his face fell just out of place, allowing Xie Lian to see it more clearly. “See something you like?”

Xie Lian jumped a little, coming back to reality. How long had he been staring? 

“Yes! I-uh, wait! No! Well, Yes, I’m fine! No to the-uh…the other…” Xie Lian looked like a tomato at his responding outburst. Once enthralled in the man’s beauty, now he struggled to even look in his direction. 

This must have amused the man because he was chuckling pretty loud. One of his hands found its way to his chest for support. “Lovely,” he said. “That you’re not in any distress, I mean,” he added. 

“I…” He… he was teasing Xie Lian! Where there should be anger at this realization, he could only feel embarrassment for fumbling just moments ago. But there was also this feeling that he couldn’t get angry at the man. Nothing felt off about the interaction with him. In fact, something in the back of Xie Lian’s mind may have enjoyed the thought of someone like this messing with him. He quickly pushed the idea away.

“I’m fine,” Xie Lian said with confidence this time. His tomato red face dulled to a dusty pink now. 

Well, here they were… here he was! Now how do you start a conversation with a stranger? Xie Lian could have made this easy on himself and excused himself for the long walk home, but no , he had to stay out and try to not make himself look so weird. 

But it seemed the taller had much better skills in charisma because it wasn’t that he was the first to speak, but it was the way he effortlessly pulled him into a conversation. “If one would kindly indulge a stranger on a chilly night, if you’re not out here to wreak havoc on the street’s nightlife, then what has you up so late?”

God, Xie Lian felt a bit jealous at the ease of his words. It’s like they just dropped off his tongue with no effort. 

Xie Lian cleared his throat. He may as well answer the guy. “Well, see…” he adjusted his weight on his hips, “I accidentally visited a small village in the mountains and caught the last train back here. I was, um, on my way home.”

“Accidentally?” The man said back with immense curiosity. “How does one accidentally visit a village using public transport?”

“I missed my original stop. It was already getting late when I left, so I ended up getting back here not too long ago,” Xie Lian confessed. “I’m on the hunt for something, or someone. Whichever comes first.”

The man’s eyebrow raised, the smirk still on his face, “Oh, you must be a pretty dangerous person, then.” 

Xie Lian softly laughed and dismissed his claim, “Oh, no. I’m nothing like that. Sorry to disappoint you.”

Xie Lian was just talking to a stranger, but this stranger sounded almost… playful with his choice of words. It made Xie Lian forget how informal this encounter was for just a moment, but it begged the question: who was he? The feeling that kept pulling at his chest earlier had disappeared as soon as he made eye contact with the red-clad man. It was actually replaced with the intensity his presence alone provided. 

He feigned a smile and shook his head, “And here I was hoping I had met a bad boy.” He chuckled softly at his own sarcasm. This caused Xie Lian’s cheeks to heat up again. 

A man wearing a face mask and a tasteful choice of dark clothing walked outside. He called over to the two men still chatting in the cold. “Sir! We’re not done yet! We still need you!”

Xie Lian couldn’t see any fine details from the distance they shared, but it looked like the man just wanted to sleep from what he could at least make out to be the dark circles under his eyes.

With an annoyed sigh, the taller man bowed his head slightly before extending his hand to Xie Lian. Unsure of the intention, Xie Lian hesitated, but eventually placed his hand atop the other man’s with the lightest amount of pressure in case something happened. Thankfully, it was nothing more than an over exaggerated goodbye. This man clearly had a thing for theatrics.

His hand was large and well manicured compared to Xie Lian’s own small and rough laborious hands. The ironic thing Xie Lian immediately noticed as this transaction took place was how delicate he held his own hand, and how strong and supportive the stranger’s in front of him were. It was a little funny, if Xie Lian were to be honest. It made him smile a bit.

“Thank you for entertaining someone such as myself at this hour…” His voice trailed off a bit, it was the first time it seemed he struggled to find something to say.

“Xie Lian. You can call me that.” there goes that dust of pink in his cheeks again.

“Xie Lian…” He said it slow enough to get the feeling of forming it in his mouth before he smiled once more. “Thank you, for tonight. It's been a pleasure being able to speak with you. I hope whatever troubled you earlier no longer disturbes you.”

Before the man could walk away to the guy standing by the entrance, Xie Lian sounded almost panicked when he called out, “wait!”

“Hm?” Not in the slightest bit annoyed with the call.

“What… do I call you?” Why was he so afraid to ask for his name when he just gave his away so easily? It almost felt embarrassing. Almost. 

“Call me San Lang,” is all he said before he gave what could be the equivalent to a wink with someone wearing an eyepatch and walked away.

Xie Lian kept staring at the back of San Lang. There was an elegance in the way San Lang moved. His stride was long and held purpose, his shoulders were relaxed and pulled back, and his head was held high. Oh, what Xie Lian would do to have that within himself once again. Slowly, he peeled his eyes off of those red clothes to keep going in his own direction.

-

It wasn’t that long ago since he said goodbye to San Lang. but he still couldn’t understand the feelings he felt. He had no idea what possessed him to seek someone he didn’t know out. It was a curiosity he’d never felt in his whole twenty-eight years of life. Sure he had curiosity over phenomena or objects or ideas, but this was about a single person! What was going on! Talking to a stranger in the middle of a dead street after they found you crying outside the window! 

Xie Lian’s inner frustrations and embarrassment eventually found their way to be vocalized in the following moments. Everything around  him was tuned out and hsi body was running on autopilot; legs taking him wherever that was in front of him, voice talking to himself trying to make rationality a thing in his life once again. First the Monkey King, now a goose-hunt to appease the Monkey King, and now a stranger by the name of San Lang managed to create and hold a conversation through what could be interpreted as a stalker-like situation.

He was so inside of himself that he failed to notice the rumbling of a vehicle next to him. It wasn’t moving very fast. You could hear every crunch of rubble and debris under the tires and… feet? Was it following him? It seemed to be moving in perfect time with him. He even made it a point to walk just a bit faster than he was. There was a rev of the engine. Nothing loud or crazy, but just enough to pull Xie Lian out of his thoughts.

“Huh?” Was whoever it was calling him? He looked over. 

Boy, oh boy. Now This was a surprise. “Feng Xin?” He asked slowly.

Feng Xin smirked, “Who else would dare think they could pull you out of whatever string of theories or thoughts you have inside of that head of yours?”

What a small world this is after all.

Xie Lian still couldn’t believe who was in front of him right now. He hadn’t seen Feng Xin since they arrived back at the capital after the skirmish. That was just over a year ago now. He didn’t know what Feng Xin chose to do moving forward. He had considered him a friend since childhood, but after the mishap that had occurred under his guidance, the shame Xie Lian felt overwhelmed him to the point that he couldn’t even be in the same room as him. All he was able to do at the time was apologize with his head down before they went their separate way.

“What are you doing out here? I thought you were still in the capital?”

Feng Xin dropped his smirk, “I could ask you the same thing. I was having a night out with some work buddies. Gotta keep morale up, you know? And as I was leaving I thought I saw you and wanted to see if it was actually you.” He paused and chewed the inside of his cheek. His mood went a bit somber. “Mu Qing and I… we had no idea where you ran off to. We even tried reverse searching every social media account we could think of  to see if we could even find a sliver of a trace of you. You have us worried, man.”

Xie Lian bowed his head, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do after everything that had happened... But Feng Xin, I know how you are, but Mu Qing? No way. In the end he wouldn’t even look at me.”

Feng Xin crossed his arms. “Yeah, that sounds typical. Asshole… but knowing him I doubt it’s because he’s mad at you. He’s just a prick.”

“I think he’d say the same about you,” Xie Lian said.

Feng Xin nodded, “He absolutely would. So the feeling’s mutual. Hey, I don’t know what you’re doing out here so late. Do you need a ride somewhere?” 

Xie Lian looked at the motorcycle Feng Xin was on and paled for a moment. He had never been on a motorcycle nor did he understand how two people could ride on this comfortably or safely. He shifted subtly in discomfort at the thought.

“It’s okay. I’m okay walking, really.” Xie Lian didn’t know whether he should laugh about tonight or cry - there was too much going on! Running into a striking stranger who left a burning imprint in his mind and now a ghost from his past. The emotional stress would undoubtedly catch up to him one day.

It was too late, though. Feng Xin had dismounted his ride and was already preparing his helmet to put on Xie Lian’s head. “Nonsense. I’ve known you since you were taller than me and you’re still trying to run away from everything. I’m not that mean, you know.”

“I know, it’s just…” The helmet was settled on his head and being tightened. “I don’t want you to go out of your way to help me when it’s not that big of a deal.”

Feng Xin ignored him until he seated himself on his bike once again, scooting a bit forward and patting the space behind him for Xie Lian to get on. “So if it’s not that big of a deal, then it shouldn’t matter if you let me take you home, at least. It’s late and the people don’t always have the best intentions at this hour.”

“But-!” Xie Lian tried to protest.

Feng Xin raised a finger to cut him off, “Ah, ah! Come on, General," he teased. “We haven’t got all night.” 

Reluctantly, Xie Lian joins his old friend on the back of the motorbike. As uncomfortable as it was with the wind blowing against his body, he was grateful that he was able to get off of his feet for a time. And as grateful as he was, he did find it hard to admit how nice it felt to let his muscles relax. The feeling that filled Xie Lian’s legs and feet at the release of tension was instantaneous. 

Checking to make sure Xie Lian was secure and steady, Feng Xin revved his engine a couple of times and drove off. 

Surprisingly to Xie Lian, Feng Xin drove very carefully and within all the road laws. Usually he wasn’t the type to be constrained by every law in the book, but rather follow rules just close enough to where he wouldn’t get in trouble for them. It was almost a miracle he was able to make it to one of the squads on the frontline. 

It wasn’t too long before they reached Xie Lian’s home. What was going to cost him another hour on foot only took about 15 minutes on the ride he hitched. If the motor wasn’t so loud Xie Lian was sure he would have asked Feng Xin more questions about what his life was like now. Who knows if they’d ever see each other again after this.

Xie Lian shook his hair as it fell out of the sweaty helmet and handed it back over to Feng Xin.

Feng Xin hummed in thought, his eyes held a look of uncertainty and slight concern. He wasn’t the best with words, but he tried to not sound as awkward and Xie Lian looked, “Hey, it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other. Let’s exchange numbers or something. Do something fun, catch up, or whatever.”

“Sure.” Xie Lian was a bit surprised at the invitation, but accepted the phone Feng Xin held out for him without reluctance. “I’ll be busy next week, but I should be okay after that.”

“That’s fine,” Feng Xin said. “I’m still new to the area, so that gives me time to figure these roads out.”

Xie Lian’s mouth made an ‘o,’ “That explains it!”

Feng Xin raised his eyebrow and turned his head, “Explains what?”

“Nothing! Sorry, I was thinking out loud again,” Xie Lian laughed sheepishly. 

“Alright, then… well have a good night. I’ll text you when I think of something.”

Xie Lian smiled and waved his old friend off. There was something akin to relief that formed in his chest. 

-

-

-

The night of the seminar was a bit chilly. Xie Lian and company dressed a bit heavier, but not overly so as the day was warmer than usual. Insistent that the weather would get colder, Shi Qingxuan brought a couple blankets and scarves and threw them in Quan Yizhen’s car trunk.

Ming Yi, of course, was the one to tell them that they were overreacting. With how many people would be in the car, there was no reason any one of them would be freezing or dying. Well, maybe except for Shi Qingxuan themself if they didn’t stop whining. Quan Yizhen didn’t even notice his trunk opening and closing. 

Wanting to be away from it all, Ming Yi took his own initiative to sit in the front seat and wait for Xie Lian and Shi Qingxuan to settle in the back. 

“Yizheeenn!!” Shi Qingxuan whined, “Don’t let Mingxiong be radio DJ! He only listens to heavy music!”

Ming Yi, “It’s to drown out your incessant whining, Qingxuan.” However, instead of the heavy metal he usually plays, he turned on a different genre. “I don’t want to hear you whine the entire time, so I’ll just put on some math rock.”

“I thought we were going to listen to people talk, why are we doing math now?” Quan Yizhen only heard the math part. No one responded.

Xie Lian buckled himself next to Shi Qingxuan, “You’re being very considerate, Ming Yi.”

“Hm,” was his only reply. 

The backseat of the car felt rather spacious considering they had to fit one more person. Both Xie Lian and Shi Qingxuan were rather small in frame, but it wasn’t as if they would just fold up and disappear or constrict themselves even tighter. As he entered the vehicle, it wasn’t hard to notice how Pei Xiu was broader than the two of them. Maybe it was the fact that the backseat held three people now instead of two that it felt cramped. Maybe it was as Ming Yi said: the more people in the car, the warmer it would be. Either way, Xie Lian suddenly felt the backseat not so spacious anymore as he sat in the middle of Shi Qingxuan and Pei Xiu. Not one to outwardly complain about situations, he just brought his arms and shoulders closer to his body. 

It took them almost thirty minutes to find parking. Who knew so many people enjoyed what Xie Lian could only describe as mass group therapy or some version of a TedTalk. But to be fair, this was a free event, so who knew what the crowd turnout would be. 

The group of five had to park a bit away from the theater Jun Wu and Pei Ming were speaking at. Outside of the car felt much nicer than inside with all the bodies cramped together; there was a light breeze that seemed to help cool them off. The walk itself was only about six minutes at least, so it wasn’t too far. No one had yet to say a word until Xie Lian walked side by side with Shi Qingxuan. 

“A-Xuan. Where’s Shi Wudu? I thought you said he would be here?”

“He said he would be going with Pei Ming. He would meet us after the seminar.”

Pei Xiu chimed in, “If it makes you feel any better, I would rather not see my brother either.”

Qingxuan laughed, “Let’s not make this a battle of who’s older brother is worse. I love my brother, but he’s too stubborn and unwilling. Makes living carefree hard.”

Xie Lian, “He just wants you to be more responsible, I’m sure.”

“I agree,” Ming Yi replied.

Shi Qingxuan huffed, “And here I thought you were all on my side!”

Xie Lian smiled, “We are! But I don’t think your brother harbors and ill intentions-“

“Here?” Yizhen cut everyone off, pointing at a large, protruding neon sign above the sidewalk.

“Looks like it,” Pei Xiu said first. 

The five walked through the large glass doors and into the foyer of the theater. Everything was very well kept from the tiled floors to the walls covered from floor to ceiling in advertisements and posters for various shows and businesses. Theater floor associates greeted them as they handed them a pamphlet filled with information about todays speakers, their practice, and upcoming events. They called it ‘Jade’s Emperor’ - an upcoming summer series for those seeking help and guidance.

“Well that’s an interesting take for mental health advocacy. Why the name, though?” Ming Yi was of course the one to point out details in a sort of pessimistic, sort of curious way. 

“Who knows,” Yizhen replied. 

Shi Qingxuan, “Probably not you, buddy.”

Xie Lian chuckled. 

Pei Xiu was looking around at other guests and drink booths. To employees and then the posters on the walls. He looked up at the ceiling and then behind him at the floor. Xie Lian noticed his behavior and gently touched his arm. He didn’t say anything out loud, but he raised his eyebrow and tilted his head as if he were the question mark. 

Pei Xiu looked at him and shook his head. ‘I’m okay!’ An invisible statement. 

Xie Lian failed to pay attention to the person in front him when checking up on his junior because he slammed right into them. The person in question, however, stood as solid as a brick wall. 

“Guys…haaa” It was Shi Qingxuan, “They have alcohol. Thank the heavens!”

Before anyone could grab them they effortlessly merged with the slowly growing line of the table serving cocktails and local beer. Xie Lian caught up to his friend to make sure they weren’t alone. The other three had headed to the floor to find seats for the five of them. Ming Yi had assured Xie Lian that he and Qingxuan would be able to find them as soon as they entered.

“A’Xuan are you alright?” Xie Lian asked now that they were alone. He had noticed their behavior had been a bit off since they had visited the shrine.

They were a few people behind the tender. “Huh? Oh, yeah I’m great, haha.”

Xie Lian frowned at the answer. “I’m not forcing you to be here. Is your brother being around the issue? I know things between you two are a bit… strange.”

A sharp inhale to exhale, “You’re not forcing me to be here. I want to be here with you and everyone else.” Their tone was a bit defensive and slightly higher pitched than usual. Something had been bothering them and Xie Lian seemed to hit it straight on the nose.

Xie Lian knew better than to bring up Shi Wudu to his brother when he was stressed, but he knew too well what would happen if the situation wasn’t addressed in a timely manner, especially if they were going to a nice dinner afterwards by request of Shi Wudu himself.

Their relationship had always been a bit strange, Qingxuan and their brother. They loved each other the way family should; checking in and making sure there was nothing unfortunate going on at home was always something Shi Wudu made sure to do while he lived and worked in the capital, but he always found a way to be overly critical of everything that wasn’t in his revised and notarized version of the human blueprint. And truth be told, it stressed Qingxuan out to no surprise from Xie Lian. Unless in the traditional workforce or the military, Shi Wudu had a hard time taking anybody seriously, that’s just how he was. Being an influencer of any kind was something he would undoubtedly spit at. Xie Lian had already figured out this was why his friend was so nervous and stressed this past week. If his brother was staying with him then there was no way Qingxuan was able to create any content or leave any of their related belongings out. 

“It’s like trying to hide a dead body in the hallway closet,” Qingxuan randomly said bumping their shoulder into Xie Lian’s, their need to feel physical touch as a form of stress-relief present. There was no need to speak details with their friend because he already knew. It was a nice sense of security to have for Qingxuan.

Having made it to the table, Xie Lian only asked for an iced water while his friend ordered a mixed drink created by a local bar not too far away from the theater. The two made their way to the main room of the auditorium and looked around a bit for their friends. It was a sea of heads of different hair colors, sizes and shapes. This broad spectrum of people made them all blend together and look the same to the two men standing at the entrance. All of a sudden Qinxuan pulled Xie Lian’s arm with more force than they realized and pointed to a man, dressed in fine all black attire, standing and staring straight back at them with a comically bored expression.

“A’Lian! Over there! Ming Yi’s standing up and looking right at us!”

Xie Lian didn’t know whether he should laugh or cry looking at Ming Yi. Did they take too long waiting in line? Ming Yi always looks casually annoyed, like he’s not actually mad at anything in particular, but like he has a constant headache no amount of painkillers can help with. 

The path forward was pretty clear once they saw where Ming Yi stood. The crowd beginning to settle in their own seats also helped the two out quite a bit. The interior of the theater was very pleasant; various golds, browns, and reds made up the color scheme with the additional layer of yellowed lights from the ceiling blending together giving it a dull, regal glow overall. The seats were plush and modern compared to the rest of the interior, but they matched the atmosphere despite that. 

Xie Lian sat himself on the inside next to Pei Xiu who sat on the end of the aisle, Qingxuan was next to him. Following them was Ming Yi and Yizhen. Curious to see if there was anyone else he might recognize here, Xie Lian poked his head up, scanning the crowd slow but sparingly. After his run in with Feng Xin last week (and that San Lang guy), he was second-guessing how big the world actually was. Hell, maybe he would even find Shi Wudu before Qingxuan.

The lights began to dim with the announcer telling people to please silence their phones and no flash photography. People were rushing to get whatever final whispers they had of their conversations out. Xie Lian took this opportunity to look at his friends and coworker. He wasn’t sure if it was to make sure that they were still going to be next to him or if he was just moving for the sake of passing the next few seconds of time for Pei Ming to come out on stage and start the talk. Lo and behold after a few seconds the ex-general playboy who decided to teach people self-confidence skills came out on stage. There were cheers and a few woos and whistles from a few women in the crowd. 

He raised a hand to silence the crowd, his body language was open and a devilishly handsome,  overconfident smirk was on his face.

“Thank you, thank you! Ladies and gentlemen… shall I begin?”

–

-

-

The joint-seminar was a smooth operation. Xie Lian didn’t know Pei Ming personally, but he did have a brief interaction with him while he was serving his country. He wasn’t an unpleasant man to be around, but he was a lot to deal with sometimes. He certainly wasn’t the type to put up a front on who he was and from what Xie Lian could tell by the way he spoke and interacted with the audience, wore many of his extreme attitudes on his sleeve. 

Xie Lian found it quite funny when he would look over at Qingxuan and Ming Yi. Qingxuan would often roll his eyes and silently sigh at something Pei Ming had said. At one point Xie Lian could have sworn he saw him mouth the word ‘diva’ or ‘drama queen’ at one of the exaggerated examples he used. Ming Yi, on the other hand, just looked constantly dumbfounded. His head rested on the tips of his fingers while his mouth hung open in confusion and his eyebrows were furrowed slightly. If Xie Lian leaned over just slightly he could see Yizhen sitting there with a blank expression on his face. It didn’t look like he had any idea what was actually going on and was just simply existing. He made a mental note to ask him while they were at dinner.

To his left was Pei Ming’s brother. Xie Lian was curious to see how he would react to his brother’s methods of madness as they listened and watched. At some point when Xie Lian decided to look over and see, Pei Xiu only had a focused look on his face. There wasn’t any form of aloofness or disbelief on his face. At one point during one of their shifts together, Pei Xiu had told Xie Lian that he held respect for his brother, but with the way he was he wasn’t sure how to go about it. Maybe this was him trying to earnestly listen and understand his brother without an inappropriate conversation ruining the atmosphere.

There was a brief intermission between Pei Ming and Jun Wu. Pei Xiu excused himself from the troupe and left to the foyer. By the time Jun Wu came on stage Pei Xiu still hadn’t returned. A couple moments later Xie Lian felt his phone vibrate. It was Pei Xiu saying that he was with his brother and he’d see them after the talk. 

Qingxuan nudged Xie Lian with their elbow to get his attention and whispered into his ear, “Hey, your therapist? Kinda hot. But in a like, librarian way.”

Xie Lian had no idea how to respond to that so he just said, “oh,”

Jun Wu’s presentation didn’t last much longer than Pei Ming’s, but definitely had less audience interaction and more of a lecture vibe to it. But with the way he carried his voice and how he addressed the crowd with such respect and ease, most people couldn’t help but be invested in the theories, ideas and solutions he spoke about. Well, except for Yizhen, who at this point was fully asleep sitting up. 

Xie Lian listened to every syllable Jun Wu spoke. The way his voice would make subtle inflections and carry the definitions of phrases and examples with an invisible line of air that seemed to extend from him - you could almost visualize the words.

As Jun Wu concluded he graciously bowed and directed everyone to stop by the donations box by the ticket booth if they would be interested in donating to his non-profit and to sign up for his newsletter. Xie Lian didn’t have any spare money, nor did he feel the need to donate to something he didn’t know much about, so he opted to sign up for the newsletter along with Qingxuan as they all exited the building. Ming Yi and Yizhen both threw in some spare cash they had on them and opted to not get “random junk mail,” as Ming Yi put it.

True to his word, Pei Xiu met back up with the quartet with his brother and his brother’s company in tow - Shi Wudu and Jun Wu. 

Xie Lian smiled and greeted three additions to their entourage. He had seen Jun Wu not too long ago as per his regularly scheduled therapy sessions, and Pei Ming’s face was plastered all over the walls of the office waiting rooms so it seemed as if he were always there. But he had not seen Shi Wudu in a very long time. And boy, oh boy, he was still just as intimidating as ever. The last time Xie Lian had seen Shi Wudu was the day he handed in his uniform and told him he disgraced his friends and country. Although he was cold and unreadable in his expression, he managed to give Xie Lian some sort of direction to go and find Qingxuan. It seemed like that was the only time Shi Wudu allowed himself to let other people into his younger sibling’s life without an argument. 

And it gave Xie Lian his closest friend to date.

Not much was said besides formal greetings between everyone at first, but that would be settled over dinner arrangements Shi Wudu had set up for them. The restaurant he brought everyone to was a very large and upscale restaurant with a dress code requirement. And despite the large and intimidating menu of mixed cuisines, Quan Yizhen tackled it headfirst. On the second story of the building there was an exclusive bar for the rich and famous socialites who had a presence in the media. It took both Xie Lian and Ming Yi holding Shi Qingxuan by their arms to keep them from trying to sneak up there.

Pei Ming whistled very loudly while looking around at the interior of the restaurant. For someone who seemed to have a cocky smile on his face at all times of the day, it was almost hard to tell if he was impressed or not. Next to him was Jun Wu who was eyeballing a wine menu. Shi Wudu was more preoccupied trying to talk to his sibling, who, little to his knowledge, was trying to bolt out of the room.

After some time a waiter came to their group and took their order. Even the way the employees spoke was just as formal as the requirements to enter. Xie Lian wondered if they also required a degree to work in a place such as this.

“What’s with this lack of communication, guys? Let’s get to know each other a bit! We’re all friends of somebody we know here, right?” Pei Ming put his arm around his brother, who was on his other side, and leaned into the table and poked his eyes around at everybody expectantly.

Shi Wudu cleared his throat and looked to his friend. “Well, then, to the two I don’t know sitting across from me, I am Shi Wudu, Qingxuan’s brother. I certainly hope that you’ve been taking good care of him while I am unable to.”

“It’s th-” Ming Yi was about to say something when Qingxuan cut him off.

“They make sure I’m okay, brother. You don’t have to worry about me while I have them here.”

“Hm,” was all his brother would respond with.

Ming Yi looked at Qingxuan with his mouth slightly agape and shifted to dissolve the weird feeling he got hearing Qingxuan speak to his brother.

Xie Lian looked between both Qingxuan and his brother a couple times before sipping on his water once again. He tried his best to ignore the tension Shi Wudu could cause between people because of his brother. He saw it happen one time before with somebody Qingxuan wanted to date, but Shi Wudu absolutely lost it before Qingxuan could even finish what they were trying to say. That was a rough night for Xie Lian to try and comfort his friend. 

“Xie Lian,” Shi Wudu redirected his attention. “How have you been? You look better than the last time I saw you.”

Xie Lian smiled, “I’ve been well, thank you. I’ve been working on my issues under Dr. Wu’s guidance.”

“Oh?” Shi Wudu looked over at Jun Wu, who was playing the part of sommelier and casually listening in to the people around him. “That’s good to hear. I’ve known Jun Wu for a long time, and I have full confidence in what he does.”

Jun Wu smiled at the complement and tilted his head forward in acknowledgement. “You’re too kind, my friend. Xie Lian is making fine progress in his sessions. A lot of it has to do with the patient and not the doctor in these situations, you know.”

“Hm,” he responded again. He went back to Ming Yi and Quan Yizhen. “And how did the two of you become acquainted with my younger brother? I’m so curious to know.” But his tone was anything but. It was flat and doing the bare minimum of just being audible. It made Ming Yi’s eyebrow twitch just slightly.

While the other three occupied Shi Wudu’s unseemingly harsh questioning, Pei Ming rubbed his chin and called to Xie Lian, “Hey, you. Have we met before? Your name sounds sort of familiar.”

Xie Lian had to think about it. “Oh, um, probably? I used to run squad Xianle back during that skirmish on the border.”

“Oh! Now I remember. I only could hear about that event from the news and my good friend here.” He gestured to Shi Wudu. “I retired way too early.”

“Actually, I think I was in one of your training squads back when I was just a grunt. I was a bit older than the rest, but they were all much bigger than I was.”

Pei Ming’s eyes widened in excitement like he was putting a puzzle together. “I see! I do remember now! You outperformed everyone and was the fastest recruit to get promoted. I think I was in the middle of my scandal at the time, so I apologize if I couldn’t remember you clearly before.”

Xie Lian didn’t know to laugh or cry. This guy openly admitted he was involved in an alleged scandal between him and a foreign general of another country. No one proved anything to be true, but he basically said it was just now. 

“It’s, uh, quite alright. I didn’t do it to be remembered. Haha.”

“Brother, this is also the coworker I was talking to you about before,” Pei Xiu interjected. “He brought me here with his friends tonight.”

“Oh?” Pei Ming’s eyebrow rose. “I hope Little Pei here hasn’t caused you too much trouble.”

“Ohno no, he’s just fine.”

On his right he could hear Qingxuan whisper excitedly to Ming Yi about someone who came into the restaurant with a clothing brand they were obsessed with. Although their very restrictive brother was right there in front of them, they still found it very hard to hold in their excitement. Qingxuan even grabbed Xie Lian’s arm and started gushing to him when Ming Yi only gave the person a once over and hummed in approval, an answer Xie Lian couldn’t imagine Qingxuan would be content with. Before Xie Lian could look at Qingxuan’s current object of adoration, a crew of waiters appeared with a rolling cart full of food.

Silence enveloped the table now that everyone had their mouths occupied. Idle chatter between bites were here and there, but it was mostly Pei Ming trying to get to know his former underling, and Ming Yi trying his best to remain civil while listening to Shi Wudu talk about his accomplishments and how many medals he had. There was something said about how it made him appear as a real, honorable man in society, and how he wished more men tried to go for that honor. Yizhen remained disinterested in idle chatter, only speaking when spoken to. It was amazing how he still managed to look engaged physically even while completely absent mentally. He might have been Shi Wudu’s favorite person at this table besides Pei Ming and Qingxuan.

It was all of a sudden, but focus snapped into Quan Yizhen’s eyes as he looked over and saw a familiar man walking towards their table.

“Shixiong!’ He was surprised. 

Shi Wudu seemed mildly disinterested in the stranger while Jun Wu and Pei Ming just simply looked. Everyone else looked between Yizhen and the approaching man. He wore simple, all black, formal attire while covering his face in a black face mask. His hair looked to be a grown out two block cut, combed back to expose his eyes and forehead. His hands were behind his back as he approached and bowed at the table of men.

“Shixiong!” Yizhen called out again. “What are you doing here? Are you working?”

The man nodded at Yizhen wordlessly, a strange feeling was present in the air between them, but it didn't seem like Yizhen noticed it too much because he kept trying to lean closer to see if his shixiong would say anything.

“There is a request form a guest upstairs for the man named Xie Lian. Is he among you all here,” the man spoke. His voice was awfully monotone - worse than Shi Wudu’s - and plain. It didn’t hold much depth or interesting qualities that would make it stand out from a crowd of people.

Xie Lian raised his hand timidly as Pei Ming pointed at him in response to the question.

“Uh, hi. I’m Xie Lian.” He said softly. 

The man walked around to Xie Lian and outstretched his arm towards the direction he was intending to take him. “There is someone upstairs who wishes to be your acquaintance. If you could please follow me.”

This was strange. Xie Lian didn’t know anybody outside of the table here who would know his name or his appearance enough to know to find him. He looked around to his friends and company to see if he was actually going a bit crazy. When he made eye contact with Qingxuan they mouthed ‘ upstairs’ a bit in disbelief. Ming Yi didn’t face him or the man, but was playing with the remaining food on his plate. 

“Go and see what this person wants. If something happens just yell.”

Pei Ming crossed his arms and nodded in agreement. 

“Yes! Listen to your friend! Someone’s looking for you specifically. Hold your head up and show them how much bravado you have!”

Pei Xiu put his head in his hand after his brother’s interjection. 

“Not everything has to be a..-“

“Nonsense, Little Pei. Our dear Xie Lian looks confused, we should give him support! It’s a social gathering! Let’s encourage each other!”

Xie Lian, who was just as confused as curious, slowly got up and let the plain man lead him to a staircase in the far back corner of the restaurant. Two bodyguards stood at the foot of the stairs watching everyone around them, making sure they didn’t try to force or sneak their way up to the second floor. For a moment they looked at Xie Lian skeptically until they saw the boring man next to him. They looked at each other and moved just out of the way for them to ascend the sleek black steps. 

The upstairs looked very modern. Various ombres of cool blues and greens from the dim lights above accented to the reflective black surfaces around. All of the tables were about shin height and the furniture was slim and looked stiff. Xie Lian was immediately reminded of the waiting chairs at his therapist’s office and shuddered.

It wasn’t a very loud bar -  it was more of a lounge, really. Just a really exclusive lounge for the rich and privileged. A piano was being played in the corner to accommodate the guests in lieu of harsh house and pop tracks that Xie Lian usually heard out of places that served alcohol. The crowd itself was at a respectable volume; there were a few people here and there that laughed a bit too loud or spoke above a pleasing level involuntarily. The lounge was occupied, but it wasn’t over capacity or claustrophobically crowded. 

The man that led Xie Lian up here led him around a corner to a secluded area of the lounge that seemed to to muffle the sounds of the piano and chatter altogether. Close enough to still be heard, but far enough to not be associated with. The man stepped wide to allow Xie Lian to take center focus and bowed.

“Xie Lian has accompanied me here as per your request, sir.”

Xie Lian’s eyes widened. “San Lang?”

The mysterious man that Xie Lian kept running into and having random thoughts about was sitting there on the long leather couch. He was dressed in a slim and dark satin dress shirt with silver chains and a butterfly pendant around his neck. Matching black pants and chelsea boots to complete his look. There was a suit jacket lying nearby on the arm of the furniture. He looked relaxed and carefree, like nothing in the world could ever dream of bothering him. A large, almost seductive smile was on his face.

“Gege, “ he greeted. He took the sketchbook sitting in his lap on the low table in front of him and stood up to give a more proper impression. “Please, make yourself comfortable if you would like. Would you like a drink?”

Xie Lian didn’t know what to think. This certainly wasn’t where he expected to end up by the end of the night. And next to someone like this, no less. 

“Thank you, but I don’t really drink.”

He made his way around the table to the other end of the couch, not wanting to sit too close to San Lang, but still making his confusion just as clear with his body language.

San Lang sat back down, a smile still on his face, “That’s quite alright.”

A few moments of silence passed between the two. San Lang seemed content to just watch him for the time being. Xie Lian shifted a bit uncomfortably under his gaze, not quite knowing where to direct his attention, but his initial thought of ‘who’ and ‘why’ came back to his mind.

“How did you know I was here? Well, downstairs, I mean,’ Xie Lian eventually asked.

“I saw you at your table as I walked inside. I didn’t want to make a fuss with your loud friend so I kept going and gave Yin Yu my request to bring you up here.”

Xie Lian relaxed just a bit, “Why?”

San Lang raised an eyebrow, a hint of mischief danced in his eye. “I just simply wanted to have an opportunity to speak with you properly. And not outside in the cold with you crying at my work.”

A slightly embarrassing memory for Xie Lian. How could he just stand there and cry at someone he didn’t know and then speak so openly about his day like they knew each other for a long time.

San Lang spoke again, but more genuinely and less playful, “Are you feeling better? When we first met you were plagued by something. Have you found a resolution?”

Not feeling strange in his presence anymore, Xie Lian fully relaxed at his realization there was no danger anywhere near him. “I’m feeling better, yes. I don’t know if I have an actual solution to my problem, but I do have my temporary fix.”

Realizing that what he just said sounded like he did drugs, Xie Lian’s eyes widened and he threw one of his hands over his mouth while the other waved fervently in the air to somehow try and erase his mistake. He turned his body to be more open to communicating with San Lang as he did so.

“It’s not drugs! I swear! I meant the talisman I have been blessed with by one of the shrines near my apartment to ward off the Monkey King!”

San Lang’s eyebrows lifted and he hummed in amusement. His smile grew with him now showing his teeth.

If his soul could project out of his body, it would have done so right at this moment. How could a grown man closing in on his thirties talk about a mythical God of Misfortune like it’s an actual problem to someone who probably only read the stories as a child. 

Both of Xie Lian’s hands flew to his face to try and wipe the embarrassment away. How and why was he talking so much? He needed to shut up!

“I mean…”

A deep chuckle came from San Lang, his stare was unwavering on Xie Lian. Completely amused and letting him say whatever came to his mind. “Gege, you are funny. How could you allow the Monkey King to curse you? It sounds like he has judgment issues.”

Xie Lian sighed dejectedly, not wanting to answer his question. He already felt wave after wave of embarrassment the more he spoke. His brain was on autopilot of just wanting to respond so he didn’t stop to think if he was making sense or just rambling.

“Gege doesn’t have to answer me if he doesn’t not wish to. But might I ask a question?”

‘Thank god.’ “Sure.”

San Lang leaned a bit closer to Xie Lian and propped his arm over the back of the couch to support himself. There was still a decent amount of space between them, but a lot of that original distance was closed now.

“Please don’t think I’m being too forward in asking this, but I would like for you to model for a new piece I’m working on.”

… “Huh?”

San Lang poked Xie Lian’s forehead playfully. “I would like you to be my muse for a bit, gege. I see an elegance in the way you carry yourself I haven’t seen in many other people before. If this makes you uncomfortable then I apologize and will take back my words.”

Xie Lian blinked slowly and shook his head softly, taking  in San Lang’s words very carefully. On one hand he could be the subject of a rich artist’s work, and on the other this could be a trap for him to get kidnapped or something. But what was it that Pei Ming said earlier tonight? ‘Try to see yourself the way people that like you see you’? Something like that. 

“Uhh, I work a lot and do therapy on my day off, so…”

“I’ll pay you a commission,” San Lang suddenly blurted.

“Huh?”

“Take an extra day off. I’ll pay you by the hour for the time you give me. Or we can schedule before or after your work or therapy. If you’re not comfortable traveling, then I’ll come to you. I’m very flexible here, gege.”

He was too much. Xie Lian felt overwhelmed with what was happening, but was trying his best to keep his head afloat in the sea that was San Lang’s request of Xie Lian becoming a muse for him. 

Xie Lian sat back on his butt, not realizing how much of his thighs he was currently sitting on and reciprocating the lean forward. His eyes danced around, trying to think as rapidly as he could. He would feel bad if he rejected San Lang, but he also didn’t want to feel like doing something he wasn’t sure if he was even comfortable with in the first place. He made up his mind.

“San Lang.”

“Yes.”

“I appreciate your offer, but I don’t know how comfortable I am with being a muse.”

San Lang’s eyelid fell slightly. He looked a bit sad. “I see. Then I respect gege’s decision. I will ask no more.”

San Lang began to lean back and put the original space between the two back when Xie Lian suddenly touched the hand that was still on the back of the couch. San Lang looked straight at Xie Lian.

Xie Lian’s mind blanked - he wasn’t sure what to do now that he was here touching San Lang’s accessorized hand. His mouth opened and closed a few times trying to find words, but failed each time. 

Sensing his hesitation, San Lang called out to him again.

“Gege. Do not feel guilty. I am just a stranger. A mad artist. There is nothing wrong with your decision to decline. I am just a wishful thinker.” He smiled and continued to hold eye contact. “But if you would like to remain in contact in case you decide to change your mind, that can be arranged.”

San Lang removed himself from the back of the couch completely and grabbed his sketchbook and pen long forgotten on the table. He scribbled something quick and, before tearing it out and handing it over, did some dot work underneath the scribble. He finished it with a cute drawing of a fox with an eyepatch. 

Xie Lian had leaned over and watched him do this, still at a loss of words. All the talking he did earlier was now long to him. His initial impression of how easily words came to the man still stayed ever present. His ability to redirect or resolve a conversation that was put at a standstill was something Xie Lian could never hope of doing without it sounding borderline like a command in some way.

San Lang handed the torn out piece of paper to Xie Lian with both hands.

“I won’t ask for your information. If you would like to talk with me again I would be very happy, but if not that is fine as well.”

Xie Lian took the paper in his hands and smiled slightly, “Thank you, San Lang. I’ll keep this in mind.”

Chapter Text

“ Whenever I was asked what I wanted my first impulse was to answer "Nothing." The thought went through my mind that it didn't make any difference, that nothing was going to make me happy.”

Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human (1948)

Donald Keene (English Translation)

Every day for the last week Xie Lian had looked at the folded piece of paper forwards, backwards, and upside down thinking about how forward San Lang had been about his request for Xie Lian to become a muse for his next art project. In all honesty, he had no idea what that even meant for someone like him. He felt nothing special or exemplary in his appearance or the way he held himself - he was just a normal guy trying to make it on his own. Usually he would be open to new experiences or scenarios, but it was the abruptness of this that threw him entirely off-guard.

It made him a bit nervous.

But it was a strange sensation of the word; where he didn’t feel as if he were in danger being so isolated from a group of people speaking to San Lang, but it was a sense of uncertainty that flooded him. Shi Qingxuan was the kind of person who was, yes, forward and direct, but they also demanded a presence with those they were around. But San Lang didn’t give Xie Lian that immediate feeling. It was more like he held his intention forward while perfectly content with not being seen at all. That was what made him nervous, he decided, still confused about how to put the words together still.

Every time he looked at the sketchbook page, he followed the traces of ink both with his index finger and eyes. The writing looked rough and poorly practiced. Some of the lines were overlapped in a poor attempt to try and make it look smooth and elegant, but instead made it look more chaotic. Underneath the poorly written numbers were groupings of dots which Xie Lian quickly gathered were correlated to what was written above in case he wouldn’t be able to read his handwriting. That was something to discover though, seeing how bad someone’s handwriting could be that you weren’t able to read numbers without a key being provided underneath. The little fox wearing the eyepatch in the corner was a cute edition to the chaotic information San Lang had given him. It definitely made it hard to forget one’s face and mannerisms for sure.

How endearing.

He set the paper on the nightstand in his room and sat on the edge of his bed. It was no use pacing back and forth thinking about it, worrying about something that hasn’t shown any negative development. 

Xie Lian sighed into his hands. “I should really get a hobby…”

-

Therapy with Jun Wu was probably the best decision Xie Lian had ever decided to do for himself. He felt better in the mornings and was progressing better than he initially thought he would. What he once had seen as an endless dark tunnel now had a glimmer of light in the distance. 

Where most of his time at one point was talking about the traumas of his past and how much grief it caused him was now replaced with his worries of his current everyday life. He hadn’t even realized when his thoughts made the shift from ‘then’ to ‘now.’ It was a remarkable realization Xie Lian hadn’t paid attention to until the end of his session when Jun Wu had pointed it out to him. The confidence Jun Wu had given Xie Lian within the past couple of months made Xie Lian feel like he could accomplish anything head on with enough patience and work.

“Next week I won’t be in the office, so there’s no need for you to come in. Consider it a free day for your hard work.” Jun Wu’s eyes held no hesitation and only commanded the other to believe him in his honest opinion.

His hard work.

He truly had worked hard, hadn’t he? From being unable to sleep without the lights on to being able to leave just the desk light on was truly a feat. A year ago he would have found it impossible to get that far and had surrendered himself to just sleeping with the lights on until the day he died. 

“I would, however, implore you to come by a social group I am putting together for the community. We’re only a few meetings in, but anyone can come. It’s meant for those who might have trouble making new friends, especially as they get older. The need for people to connect never goes away, but what I’ve found is that people don’t make friends in their later years because they’re so certain people are already set in their ways and don’t have a need to connect any further. Which is just untrue. Xie Lian, would it be possible for you to attend? I wish to get as many of my patients involved.”

Xie Lian did, in fact, have a free schedule once he left the office, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to spend his evening off socializing with strangers. With friends, sure, but he just wasn’t a social person. 

He let out a contemplative sigh and lightly stretched his arms in front of him. “I would hate to say no, but I’m not really a sociable person like that. I think I’m one of those people comfortable with the friends I have right now,” he explained.

Jun Wu smiled warmly and began to reassure Xie Lian. “I can understand. But why not try to expand your outer circle? It’s always good to know your community a bit better. You can invite your friends I met at dinner. As I’ve said: anyone can come. It’s for the community as a whole. It’s just easier to start community groups from a similar place.”

“Uh, yeah. I mean. I can ask them. It’s kind of short notice, but if they’re available...” He trailed off with an open ended consideration, nodding slightly. He could see the vision Jun Wu was going for, which was admirable, but without saying it directly, unless his friends went with him he probably wouldn’t attend himself. 

“That would be fantastic. Let me give you the details and send you off to Ling Wen.”

Finishing up, Xie Lian made his way back down the boorish halls to the reception desk in the main waiting room, but instead of seeing Ling Wen diligently typing away and making endless piles of notes for herself, Xie Lian saw her trying her hardest to get rid of Pei Ming who made it his mission to invade her personal space. He was leaning so far over the counter he was basically behind the desk. The only thing he wasn’t doing was trying to reach out and grab her. Maybe he had some form of respect. 

Oh, this poor woman. Wasn’t that harassment still?

It didn’t take long for Xie Lian to reach Ling Wen and for Pei Ming to pull away from the counter. As always, Ling Wen looked bored and disinterested in anything outside of her work. Pei Ming, on the other hand, was interested in everything that had nothing to do with him. 

A smile beamed from the taller man, “Xie Lian! How wonderful to see you!”

“Hello, Pei Ming,” he responded not as enthusiastically. He turned his attention to Ling Wen who seemed to already working on something as soon as Pei Ming left the comfort of her workspace. 

Before Xie Lian could say anything she spoke ahead of him without breaking her focus. “I’m already aware of Mr. Wu’s schedule and will have you down for the week after, same time as always.”

Pei Ming casually put his elbows on the counter once more, but he didn’t go any farther than the inside edge. His fox like grin still on his face. 

“That guy… always moving around, huh.” Suddenly he faces Xie Lian directly. “Hey, Xie Lian. What ever did happen during dinner?”

“Huh?” For a moment Xie Lian sincerely had no idea what his senior was talking about. 

“When that guy came down to tell you someone wanted to talk with you.”

“Oh! That. I mean,” Xie Lian scratched at his nose a bit, “It was a conversation. I barely know the person, so there really isn’t much to say.”

Pei Ming sighed loudly. “I see! And here I was hoping something interesting had happened!”

“The most interesting thing the both of you can do is leave me in peace.” Ling Wen suddenly interjected, expressing her desire for it to be quiet in the office halls once more. 

Pei Ming had a mischievous smirk and looked at her again, “So I take it that’s a no?”

“Leave.” She sounded venomous.

Xie Lian smiled and waved a hand. “Have a good rest of your day, Ling Wen. Pei Ming.”

-

“A’Liaaaannnn…! Whyyy won’t you tell me anything!”

Shi Qingxuan was knuckle deep in a basket of fries, the sheen of oil and coarse grains of salt covering the fried potatoes now all over their hand and covering their lips.

It was as soon as Xie Lian made it back to his home when Shi Qingxuan had pulled up to drag him out once more. As much of a social butterfly as Shi QIngxuan was, they hated going out by themselves and always had a sixth sense about when Xie Lian was free. As disarming as it was, it was nice to not have to ask Qingxuan if they were available to do something.

“You’re fit into such a routine of work, home, therapy, that I know your schedule before you even have to say anything!” Is what they said when they forced them into the passenger seat of their car.

Now that they were sitting in the food court of a busy mall, Xie Lian realized there really wasn’t anything he could do to keep his friend from asking questions - not that it was his intention to, he just didn’t feel it was the right moment to do so. It was kind of funny though, watching Qingxuan complain into a basket of fries about a situation that didn’t involve them. And while they were at a public food court where the sounds around them just turned into white noise no one would focus on, there was a brief moment of relief at how there wouldn’t be too much room for embarrassment.

“Alright…” he began.

Qingxuan pulled their hand out of the basket and quickly wiped the oil and salt away with renewed vigor. Going into their ‘gossip pose ’, as they liked to call it, they straightened their back like it was story time in a children’s class and leaned forward with both of their forearms on the table to keep their balance. A way-too-excited smile spread across their face.

“So you remember that day where I accidentally went to a village in the mountains, and came back super late? So I ended up stopping in front of an art museum or exhibit, and this guy came out and spoke to me. We exchanged names, but that was it.”

“Stop. I’m so upset with you. You never told me this.” Fake hurt filled Qingxuan’s voice, but they were still smiling.

“Yeah, so it turns out that was the same guy. And he happened to recognize me and wanted to talk.”

Qingxuan’s mouth fell into an ‘o’ shape. “No. Fucking. Way. Xie Lian! Why didn’t he just say something to you when he saw you the first time! Why didn’t you tell me this sooner!” Everything they said were genuine questions, but the way they were condensing where words ended and began they all sounded exclamatory.

Xie Lian shifted his position slightly, still seated. He made a perplexed face trying to find a way to say his words next. He made a couple of sighs as he thought he found the way he would start, but quickly backtracked and did the same thing again. He did this a couple of times before he just word vomited whatever came to his mind because he realized he wasn’t going to get a perfect sentence out of this.

“He..” “Well…” “It was weird…”

“Okay…” Qingxuan was so focused on their friend that they didn’t even notice how hard they started to stare at Xie Lian. Their facial muscles grew tired and their smile slackened.

“It’s just… we had a strange passing conversation that night and all of a sudden we met again at that restaurant your brother took us to. And, oh god, I don’t know how to think about it… I didn’t feel unsafe or anything, but I think he’s a sort of strange guy. He was so forward when he spoke to me.”

Qingxuan felt the need to interject, “I am also forward when I speak with you.”

Xie Lian did one ‘ha’ and continued. “You’re forward when you talk with anyone. But no, I’m not saying that as a bad thing. But, no offense, you’re the type of person who lives off of attention. He didn’t give me that vibe.”

“So why is that strange to you?”

“He…” Xie Lian began to blush a violent red. Repeating the words felt sinful for some reason. “He asked me to be his muse.” It came out shy and insecure. 

Just as Qingxuan went to grab another fry it fell from their fingertips and onto their lap. His jaw hung open and their eyes were wide with surprise.

“Excuse me??? He said what?” 

“Yeah. He even offered to pay me a commission after I told him I work too much to do anything like that.”

Qingxuan shook their head in disbelief, “So why don’t you? Why haven’t you? Easy money! He was that hot guy in the Blackwater blazer, right?”

“I… guess? I’m not really into fashion like you are.” He shook his head and refocused the conversation, “A’Xuan, it’s not about the money! I don’t care about that! I don’t even know him… This just… I don’t know how to react to this! Of everyone in that lounge and I’m- ?”

“Oh, sweety. Oh Lian Lian,” Qingxuan cut him off before he could continue. “You undermine yourself. But I can understand where you’re coming from. That is a bit bizarre. I would’ve at least taken you out to dinner a couple times first.”

Xie Lian breathed deep to calm himself down before he resumed. “I’m usually good about strange situations - take those rotting vegetables I had a while ago. But this one actually confuses me. I think I’m nervous.”

The final fry. Shi Qingxuan unknowingly ate the entire basket the two of them shared. Too invested in the interaction their friend had, they hadn’t realized they had been shoveling fry after fry into their mouth as an idle action.

Slowly putting the last fry into their mouth they responded. “Well, unless you bump into him again, then I mean… He’s not stalking you, right?”

Xie Lian shook his head. “Not that I’ve noticed. But uh… he did give me his number if I changed my mind about it.”

“He did WHAT? Xie Lian, please, for the love of god. If you talk to him, be his friend, whatever! I need to see that Blackwater fabric up close. Get that jacket for me…”

“Your sense of trying to help me figure out whether I should trust this guy or not is very confusing. He seems a whole world away. I would hate to bother him out of the blue like that.”

Qingxuan grabbed Xie Lian by the wrists and lightly squeezed him. “Xie Lian, I think you should trust this guy…”

Xie Lian raised an eyebrow and guffawed, “For the fabric?”

“For the fabric.”

-

The next day after Xie Lian got off work he texted his designated support group of three and told them about the social group Jun Wu invited him to go to. Knowing it was a last minute invite, he was half expecting - hoping almost - for them to decline the offer. It was already late in the evening and the sun was close to setting. But it wasn’t a moment later when Shi Qingxuan responded first saying they were already out the door and on the way. Ming Yi sent a confused emoji and Quan Yizhen didn’t respond at all.

‘Well I guess that plans out the rest of my night.’

The nights were gradually getting warmer the closer to summer it got so the walk to the public meeting hall wasn’t too bad. It was a struggle knowing that the next few weeks would be a struggle trying to figure out the appropriate clothing to wear while trying to navigate the changing weather, unfortunately. Xie Lian figured Qingxuan was either already inside the building or was just about to pull into the parking lot.

As he pulled his phone out to send his friend a quick ‘where are you’ message, they beat him to it. Apparently they were already inside and looking around for Xie Lian, but quickly found Jun Wu and started talking to him to pass the time. When Xie Lian looked up to peer inside the building's windows, Ming Yi stood there in front of Xie Lian with that bored-into-annoyance face they always made. Xie Lian smiled in return.

“Thanks for coming.”

“Anything to get away from the person I was just with.”

“Care to share?”

“No.”

“Alright, then.”

The two immediately found Qingxuan near the back wall of the room speaking with the much taller and academically dressed Jun Wu. Jun Wu had his usual calm and mellow expression, his active listening skills were a solid ten out of ten while Shi Qingxuan seemingly spoke without taking a single breath. But instead of Qingxuan being the one to notice them it was Jun Wu who waved them over.

“Xie Lian and friend. Welcome. We’ll get started in a moment.” He put a gentle hand on Qingxuan’s shoulder. “If you’ll excuse me, then.”

“Ming Yi! You came, too!” Qingxuan beamed seeing their elusive and secretive friend out in public once more.

“Hm.”

Meanwhile, Xie Lian looked around the room and observed the people around them. There wasn’t a median age that could be clearly discernible, but there were a lot of older people with graying hair and a few that looked to be around Xie Lian’s own age. Most of the patrons seemed to already be comfortable with each other from the way they were laughing and joking with each other. There were only a couple of people who preferred to stay as a wallflower while everyone mingled. 

They seemed older and a bit more socially withdrawn from the way their body language spoke. Xie Lian decided that at some point he would try and talk to them. 

“Is Yizhen not coming?” Qingxuan went behind Xie Lian and hugged him from around his shoulders. They laid their chin atop one side. 

Xie Lian, “He didn’t respond to the chat, so I wouldn’t expect him to.”

“He’s probably at work.” Ming Yi was checking his nails, clicking his tongue when he noticed some of the black paint on one finger was significantly chipped. 

That didn’t escape either Xie Lian or Shi Qingxuan because they both looked over to him with raised eyebrows. 

Qingxuan beamed, “Ooh! You should let me do your nails one day! We could all have a sleepover!”

He didn’t look up from his hands, but Xie Lian noticed a very faint twitch of his mouth. 

“No.”

Qingxuan held Xie Lian tighter and pouted with their cheeks puffed, “Boo.”

The crowd suddenly got quiet and faced Jun Wu, who was standing on a conductor's podium they had pulled from a nearby storage closet. Jun Wu had that classic, warm smile on his face. He somehow managed to make eye contact with everybody before he began to speak. Qingxuan, still attached to Xie Lian ‘oooh-ed’ while Ming Yi looked skeptical at the entire exchange. His eyes narrowed and crossed his arms.

“Good evening, everyone!” He projected his voice across the room. “I hope all is well. Thank you for coming out once more for those who have, and welcome all the same for those who are here for the first time. Now that we’ve stated to get settled as a community, I believe we should let the recurring members describe their experience here. But for now, based on the colors white, black, brown, and gray,” he pointed to four corners of the room that had printed signs taped to the walls, “pick your favorite color. And make friends!”

Jun Wu made arm gestures gesturing the crowd to disperse and sort themselves accordingly. He stood unmoving, but not idle. He was still smiling and scanning the room, watching everyone’s behavior with each other and individually. 

Xie Lian immediately walked towards the white labeled wall while his friends walked over to different corners. Qingxuan ran to the brown labeled wall because “it went best with greens and other spring colors” while Ming Yi, to no one’s surprise, slowly walked over to the black labeled wall. There was no reason in particular why he chose the color white besides that to some, it wasn’t really considered a color. Ever since he stumbled on a random text thread on the internet he always found that debate to be an interesting one. 

A very cheerful middle aged man with enough of an extroverted personality to share with the class waved and introduced himself to the group Xie Lian was in. His voice carried well and sounded a bit plummy.

“Last week Dr. Wu had us choose our favorite season. He could have at least chosen the primary colors. These are a bit boring,” the man said.

“No, I think it’s an interesting point of view he has on choosing neutral colors,” Xie Lian quickly defended the therapist's decision on the bonding exercise.

The man raised an eyebrow and challenged Xie Lian’s defense. “Oh? How so?”

“You could say most people have a favorite color that’s some sort of pigment like red or green, but neutrals are a bit rarer in that case. Not many people think of gray or brown as their favorite colors, but white and black can be pretty popular. I have a friend who’s in the brown corner for other reasons because it’s not his favorite color, but he sees it as a way to accent his favorite color. I think this is a way for us to understand not just each other’s perspectives, but our own as well.”

“That’s very well put, Xie Lian.” 

Even though he stood taller than most people in the room, no one had seemed to notice Jun Wu come up behind them to listen in to their conversation, and he even managed to make a couple of the girls in the group jump slightly in surprise. His hands were behind his back as he nonchalantly sauntered around.

Before he walked away completely he offered, “Let’s remember to keep conversations civil and open-minded.”

One of the girls that Jun Wu gave a fright to decided to speak next, a small amount of confidence found its way into her voice. “Well, going off of that… Why did everyone choose white as their favorite color? For me it’s a color I think that can match anything. A lot of furniture in my house has white accents and I think it looks really nice.”

Before the first man had a chance to speak again, a small and weaker voice sounded at the edge of the circle the group now found themselves making. It was one of the older people standing against the wall by himself that Xie Lian wanted to make a conversation with.

Everyone got really quiet to listen to him. Although there felt a slight disconnect between Xie Lian and the man from earlier, there was a mutual respect for the older gentleman who wanted to be a part of the conversation despite the state of his voice.

“White was the last color I got to see my wife in before we had to bury her. She looked quite beautiful up until the very end. That was about four years ago.” He spoke slowly, but with distant affection that could be felt with no regrets.

Xie Lian and a few others smiled at the old man and gave their condolences and awes. There were a few other people who spoke with generic answers. Some didn’t know why they chose this corner, it was the simplest of the colors, or it was the color of fresh linen drying on a clothesline outside and reminded them of a clear summer’s day.

“And what about you,” someone called out to Xie Lian to give his answer. He was the only one who hadn’t answered the prompt the girl gave.

“Well,” he put his hand on his chin to think about what to say. You could say he was also one of the people who would have answered generically, but part of him wanted to answer honestly, as well. “I think white is one of those colors you can pair with anything. Especially lights. I think it’s a color that can be whatever it wants whenever the correct conditions are met. If you want it to be sterile, it can be sterile, but if you want it to be exotic, you can find another color to help it be exotic. Mutable.”

A few others nodded in retrospect. The girl who prompted the question smiled big at his answer hearing how he basically expanded on her own.

Meanwhile Qingxuan had the brown corner in an uproar with laughter and merriment. From what it seemed, every group had asked the same question of why they chose the color they did, and from there newer, more tangential conversations emerged and that was no exception for the group Qingxuan was in. Somehow they had found themselves in a lighthearted comedy hour about the color spectrum and why shrimp can see so many more.

“Could you imagine the colors I could paint my face with if only we could see the ultraviolet spectrum?” They said exasperatedly with full sarcasm.

Another person loudly said in response, “Hey we have black lights, right? Couldn’t we technically do that already?”

One more person joined in. “Yeah, but we still wouldn’t be able to see it without the blacklight, dumbass.”

The group was red in the face from laughter and off-hand comedic insults that they slowly descended into their own chaos the longer they went on. Unfortunately for the black corner Ming Yi found himself in, it was much more dull and not as exciting as Qingxuan, or even Xie Lian’s, groups. 

He failed to notice when he stopped listening to the other people around him talking. They were all just having a normal conversation about their favorite things to do outside of work. The other of the two older people standing along the wall placed himself into this group as well. Just like Ming Yi, he held no interest in this group conversation. Ming Yi looked over at the man, he had a dowager back and wore thick framed glasses in order to see.

Ming Yi leaned over to the man, “What brought you here to this… whatever this is?”

The man looked up at Ming Yi, even with his dowager hump, Ming Yi still stood at least a foot taller than the man. “I have nothing better to do. And my sweet daughter used to be so smitten with Dr. Wu before she died. The least I can do is support him here.”

Ming Yi’s eyes widened at the confession. “Sorry to hear that one, gramps. But you don’t have to be a part of some lame group to support somebody.”

The old man smiled, “Of course I don't. But I’m all alone now. It’s nice to just be around people sometimes. Even if they don’t wish to speak to an old codger like myself.”

“I see.” was all he could respond with. And with his ever-growing disinterest he managed to excuse himself to the bathroom to get away from the ‘ dull personalities’ he constantly identified them as.

Busy trying to see how his friends were faring in their respective groups, Xie Lian didn’t notice the conversation turn to something a bit more free and lighthearted. Everyone in his group started talking about their interests and what motivated them to face whatever challenges they may face in the day. It took a few sentences to be exchanged before Xie Lian could understand where they were in their new conversation, but upon further listening he realized that he should have not listened at all.

What normally wouldn’t have affected him suddenly gave him a strange sensation. Discussions of daily life, hobbies, and how they ended up where they are now were tossed around the group, some in depth, others not. There was a slow merging of the groups one by one through these conversations. Thoughts that had been nagging Xie Lian the last couple of days had left him in a less than desirable state of mind. He was spending his time working to live and taking the time to try and get better, so why was this getting to him now? He had great friends and was no longer in a place that felt like it had suffocated him in the end. Even Qingxuan had mentioned it the day before: he had a predictable schedule.

He had no idea why that made his head spin. Or why his brain decided to put that at the forefront of his thoughts now. Had he really had no variation in his life or routine? Why did he care about that now? He’s already had his first career, why should he stress about doing anything else now? Or maybe deep down he wanted to, but those feelings had yet to make it into a thought in his brain until tonight. 

Xie Lian had two options (and a secret third): he could stop the conversation and turn it into something else or he could just continue to ignore it. He looked around the room a few times, only really trying to find his friends in the mix, but failed to see them. His mood was starting to drag down at the thoughts that unwillingly entered his mind, and he was slowly beginning to hate it here for that very reason.

Figuring out that he wasn’t going to be able to do either of his initial options, he opted for his third one: run away. He quietly excused himself from his group, or what remained of it, and briskly walked to the restroom. He failed to notice the pair of eyes that were lingering on him in his self-realization.

The last thing he had expected when coming to the bathroom was to see Ming Yi washing his hands. His long sleeves were rolled up to expose tattoos on both arms. They hadn’t been friends that long and every other new social scenario brought about yet another surprise about Ming Yi’s character and personality. 

They made awkward eye contact. Xie Lian stood there for a few seconds before he shook his head and apologized. He quickly stepped past his friends and made it into a stall only to lean back against the door in a sigh of relief.

Ming Yi wasn’t the type who said much (or anything at all) to anybody. He kept things short and only explained what needed to be explained. Long conversations exhausted him and he would rather be doing anything else as long as it involved the people around him shutting up. He did, however small, have a heart for the people he found himself caring about. He wasn’t one to wear his heart on his sleeve the way Qingxuan did, but he knew the right time and place to be the type of person someone would need if he was feeling generous enough.

“It’s not like you to run off and hide in the bathroom over some idiots babbling,” Ming Yi observed. He was fixing his bangs now.

“Ah. No. It’s not.” Xie Lian knew better than to hide things from his friends. Qingxuan may be easy to distract and avoid the subject and Yizhen only sees what he sees in front of him with no thoughts, but Ming Yi was harder to do that with. He was much more socially aware than he would let himself admit. 

Ming Yi leaned his back against the sink and crossed his arms. “So what’s up? The longer you stay in hiding the more Qingxuan’s going to blow a gasket about not being able to find you when they need someone to hold on to.”

Xie Lian knocked his head against the stall door lightly and sighed. “I know… my head just hurts a bit…” He tried to lie. It was a half lie, at least. 

“Hm.”

There is a brief silence between the two. There was usually Qingxuan there to keep noise between silence and to prevent awkward moments that may arise. The two were usually the types to let people speak to them first, so for the both of them to try and initiate the conversation with each other and keep it going was a bit of an interesting dynamic to say the least. It almost made them look like strangers to the people who didn’t know. 

Xie Lian continued, a bit impulsively, “Am I really that predictable?”

“Maybe a little.”

Xie Lian lightly huffed, “Maybe a bit too honest.”

“Hm.” Ming Yi thought for a moment, the silence in the bathroom enclosing them once again. “If it’s variability you want in your life, then I guess I would say… don’t regret the things you want to do. If there’s something you want to do, or something that has you curious, do it. ”

He let those words fall to settle in Xie Lian’s mind, not malicious and with no sense of insincerity. “I… took a chance on myself and I don’t regret it one bit.” He offered again. “I’m going back out before that whirlwind thinks I’ve reclused again.”

-

Don’t regret the things you want to do. 

Don’t regret the things you want to do.

Xie Lian lay restless in his bed thinking about what Ming Yi told him. At the time that was all he needed to calm down as if it were an unspoken resolution within his mind that he didn’t need to think about. The rest of the night went well after Xie Lian had some time to himself to breathe hearing his friends… encouragement? But now that he was home and by himself and left to his own thoughts, the uneasiness came back. 

He tossed and turned in his bed, adjusting his pillow, trying to find some way to get comfortable to no avail. He sighed and hugged in frustration before he finally got up and paced around his small apartment. It was a poor attempt to try and tire himself out, but he was already exhausted. It was way past the time he would usually be asleep and he had to work in the morning. 

He went back to his bed and picked his phone up to look at the time. 

3am.

He groaned. He had to be at work in five hours. Tomorrow was going to be absolutely miserable. 

He put his phone back down. Next to it was the phone number San Lang had given him. It’s been a week since he saw him. Nothing strange had happened to him within that time. He didn’t feel like he was being stalked or harassed by anyone strange. 

‘Don’t regret the things you want to do.’

God, he was so tired. He couldn’t think straight. It was impulsive when he reached for the piece of folded paper and looked at it once more. Where his eyes should be bleary with exhaustion, he could only see where every poorly drawn line could begin and end. The dots underneath aiding him.

It was subconscious and habitual movements when he then reached for his phone and unlocked it. Settling his nerves when he scrolled for a bit on the internet to see what popped up at this late hour. 

It was sleep depravity at best when he opened up a new text thread and punched the number in at the top of the screen. His mind blanked and he had no clue how to say anything all of a sudden. He fumbled around his keyboard hoping something cohesive would come about. A part of him wanted to make some elaborate sentence about how he was sorry it took him a week to say something or even how late it was. But a reasonable part of him settled on something more simple, ignoring the time and suddenness that most people would find bothersome at most. 

’ Hello. Uh. Is this San Lang? This is Xie Lian’<

What he hadn’t expected was that same number calling him not a moment later. His heart skipped at least two beats just then. Whether it be from fear, nervousness, or lack of sleep, he hesitantly tapped the green ‘answer’ icon in the right corner of his screen. 

A pause. A controlled breath out. “Hello?”

“Gege.”

Chapter Text

“Bad things can happen to you, but it doesn't mean you have to have regrets. It's all about what you do with it.”

- Trixie Mattel

“Gege,” the deep voice answered through the phone. It made Xie Lian’s ear tingle hearing it this close. 

Like a fish out of water Xie Lian opened and closed his mouth as if sucking in air before he gave a timid response. “Uh, hello… San Lang.”

San Lang chuckled lightly at Xie Lian reintroducing himself. His voice was still close, but sounded a bit further away now. “Yes hello, Gege. Are you aware of what time it is?” It didn’t sound reprimanding at all, but instead sounded as if San Lang were teasing Xie Lian just a bit. 

“I’m sorry!” Xie Lian quickly apologized, guilt suddenly entered his mind. He knew he shouldn’t have messaged him this late. What if he had woken him up? Or worse, what if he was seeing somebody and he interrupted them?

San Lang laughed again. The same soft chuckle from just a few moments ago. Xie Lian wasn’t sure if San Lang’s tone was inherently this velvet-y, but it threw him off-guard every time. After their last encounter Xie Lian had built a case around the man to try and understand the persona of this strange artist, but even when he thought he could expect it, it broke him down once again. 

“No need to apologize. I’m working on a new project at the moment, so I’ll be up for a while longer. It’s nice that Gege is giving me company once again.”

“Oh…” 

Xie Lian could only blink. Now that he was here he had no idea what to say. What did he expect to happen? Well, truth be told, he had expected nothing to happen. It’s three in the morning. What person is even up this late. Answering his own question he concluded that it couldn’t be anybody normal or someone with a few screws loose. 

Light scratches came from San Lang’s end of the line. Some were fast while few were slow. There was the occasional click and clatter of something being dropped or picked up for the scratches to return once more. Xie Lian laid there listening. It was hypnotic in a way, listening to what could only be pencil on paper. He unconsciously dials his focus to the sound, paying closer attention to the weight at which San Lang strikes the page. He could hear pencils be exchanged and a fast, strong stroke soon after, for the exchange to happen again and smaller, lighter scratches to replace the force from before. 

He was brought out of his hypnosis by yet another hypnotic sound; that being San Lang’s voice. He spoke softly. 

“Gege? Are you still awake? You’ve been quiet.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I am. Sorry… I was just listening to your uh, strokes.” He sat up in his bed, his covers messily pooled around him as he adjusted his legs. Suddenly hearing how that sounded his face flushed and he hurriedly covered his face which could not be seen by other. “No, wait! That came out wrong! Wait…”

He could hear the smile in San Lang’s smooth voice. “Gege, please. I’ve already told you there is no need to apologize. If listening to me work brings me ease then by all means, listen with indulgence.”

His face still burned from the comment he made, but lessened just a bit when he was reassured and the suggestive comment was (thankfully) ignored. 

Out loud, he mumbled, “How do I even respond to that…”

“Just say okay, Gege.”

Oh goddammit. 

“Gege.”

“Yes?”

“Why are you up so late? Does something have you troubled again?” He asked this softly. Dropping the mischievous tone he was using all before. 

Xie Lian was a bad liar, but he tried anyway. “No, I’m alright. Thank you, though.” Immediately after speaking a deep, sleep-filled yawn escaped him. It was long and overdue. San Lang laughed. 

“How awful of a liar you are, Gege. If you do not wish to tell me what causes you stress then you do not have to. But I would hate for Gege to be unable to function tomorrow if he stays up like this.”

“I… I’m just not able to sleep very well right now. Something is bothering me, but I would prefer to not talk or think about it.”

His voice was so gentle, so soft that it by itself was making Xie Lian become drowsy. “Then let’s talk about something you like. What’s something that makes you happy, Gege?”

Gege.

The word wrapped around him like a weighted blanket. San Lang would draw it out just a bit. Just enough for Xie Lian to lean into the cadence of his voice. Why ‘gege’ though? Why not just his name? It all felt too formal for him. 

“Well…” He didn’t know. Nothing material popped into his head. He had fun going to Puqi Shrine that one day. “Do my friends count?”

“Of course. Would Gege like to talk about them?” There was a chain of blown air next to the speaker followed by light rubbing. 

“Ah, well I went with two of them to one of the shrines just outside of the city about a month ago. The two I went with, Shi Qingxuan and Ming Yi, they’re the complete opposite in both looks and personality. You may have seen them when you walked past us at the restaurant.”

“Mhm.”

“Yeah… I spend most of my time with those two. The curly-haired one works a lot, so that was a rare night for him to be out with us like that.”

Beginning to realize that this was just the way he was, San Lang’s voice began to fill with its playful edge once again. “And what about the others that were there?”

Without hesitation, Xie Lian found himself answering whatever San Lang was asking without giving it much thought. “Oh, they were just acquaintances. One of them was my therapist and another was Qingxuan’s brother.” 

“Your energetic friend was shaking the dull friend about my clothes. Which one was that?”

“That would be Qingxuan. They love fashion. They do makeup stuff on the internet. They eventually started gushing to me about it when Ming Yi wouldn’t indulge him about it. Something about it being a Blackwater brand. That’s his favorite brand.” The thought of Qingxuan grabbing and cooing over their interests made Xie Lian smile. He loved the passion they had for their craft and the things that would inspire it. Qingxuan was a lovely breath of fresh air on his darkest days.

San Lang didn’t offer much of a response after that. Just a small hum of acknowledgment. Xie Lian didn’t know how much time had passed since the phone call started, but he heard cases being closed and heavy switches being flipped. Suddenly the ambient sounds of whatever room San Lang was in disappeared and his breathing became closer to the speaker.

“Maybe sometime I can show you my closet to make your friend jealous.”

Xie Lian turned pink once more that night. “San Lang… that would be mean. I can’t do that to Qingxuan.”

“Hmm. I think it would be funny.”

“What about you?” Xie Lian suddenly asked, wanting to direct the attention away from him for just a moment.

“Hm? Is there something Geg would like to know about me? I’ll happily answer.”

“You’re too much, San Lang… I mean what makes you happy?”

“Hmmm,” San Lang thought for a bit, not really needing to think hard at all. “Well, I’m happy right now.”

“That doesn’t count!” Xie Lian cried.

San Lang pouted playfully, “Why not?”

“Because! Well… because! It-!” Xie Lian stammered. Why didn’t it count? “It’s too vague!” He eventually stumbled on. Another loud yawn followed.

San Lang laughed. “Wonderful… Well, then. I’m very happy that you finally contacted me. I was worried I had scared you off. Does that count?”

“I-“ He flushed more. “I guess it can.” A yawn.

“Good. Does Gege have to work tomorrow?”

Another loud yawn, “Yes. I have to be there at eight.”

There was a light tap on San Lang’s end. “Gege’s been on the phone with me too long! He should get as much rest as he can.”

Apparently time had left Xie Lian in the dust because when he checked his screen an hour and a half had already passed by them. His eyes, despite them feeling like there were weights holding them down at this point, widened in surprise. “Oh! It is late! When did this happen?”

“Gege enjoys talking on the phone with me, perhaps?” San Lang teased him again.

“Heh,” Xie Lian covered his face with his free hand. “I should uh, get to sleep now. I think I can finally sleep now.”

“That’s good. Goodnight, Gege.”

“Goodnight, San Lang. Thank you…”

“Always.”

Beep beep beep

Though talking with San Lang had eased Xie Lian’s anxiety for the time being, he was now faced with another problem - he was too giddy to sleep despite his entire body just wanting to lay and slip into unconsciousness. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting out of the phone call, but he found it to be pleasantly relaxing despite all of the teasing from San Lang to Xie Lian on purpose. His voice was so smooth and warm, it cradled him as their conversation went on, but then the sounds of San Lang working on his new project scratched a part in Xie Lian’s ear that felt really nice to listen to.

Xie Lian set his phone down and laid back on his bed once again with a soft thud. He stared at the ceiling and sighed, eventually covering his face with his arms as a way to suppress the secondhand embarrassment he didn’t know he was feeling. For what reason he couldn’t clearly say.

It took him a few moments longer, a few more tosses and turns, adjustments of the pillows and blankets, for him to finally drift away into the soft comforting lulls of sleep.

He did make it to work on time that morning despite feeling like he had been risen from the dead, but the small reserves of energy he had were always recharged whenever he thought about how nice the conversation he had with San Lang was. He seldom spoke on the phone anymore and often opted for texting instead, but that wasn’t his fault necessarily. 

Even Pei Xiu would notice how groggy his coworker was and even offered to cover his duties so Xie Lian could go home and rest. Xie Lian, of course, was too stubborn to accept this kindness and instead would make himself several cups of coffee - some spiked with energy shots - to stay awake. It was a bit of a concerning solution to a temporary problem, but Xie Lian assured his junior that he was fine.

It was around his lunch break when he saw that he had gotten a few texts from an unsaved number. Immediately he knew who it was when he read the first word - Gege. He must have been too tired to save San Lang’s number before going to sleep.

The messages were seemingly normal, asking him if he could settle a debate for him. Despite Xie Lian’s late reply to his question, he still received a response form the mysterious artist. 

>’I apologize if this seems a bit forward, but I need an opinion on what outfit I should wear for a meeting I have tonight.’

Well that was weird. Why would he want Xie Lian’s opinion on what outfit they should wear? If last week wasn’t an obvious indication of what Xie Lian “dressed nice” was, then this man was clearly blind in not just one, but both eyes. He owned no expensive or upscale seasonal clothing; everything he owned could be bought at a local clothing store for under thirty-five dollars. But before he could explain how he might not be the best person for this question San Lang had already sent two photos of him in front of a body-length mirror wearing two different outfits. A strange thing he noticed was how he cropped his face out of both photos. One outfit was a variation of reds and blacks and the other was an all red ensemble, both decorated by the silver jewelry he seems to always have on his person. No matter what he’s wearing.

For a moment Xie Lian just stared at both photos, his eyes lingered a bit too long on the shoulders, then the fingers with nails painted black and wearing silver rings on every other digit. His eyes would follow the silver chains around his neck and eventually fall to the exposed portion of his chest. The definition of his upper abdomen peeked through above the shirts he wore, One one hand he wore a button up he could control how deep the exposure was, but the red outfit was just a turtleneck sweater with a chest window exposing a good portion of the sternum. 

Xie Lian shook his head and recollected himself. In all honesty, he thought both outfits looked very nice on San Lang, but he couldn’t possibly give the final say in which he should wear. He seriously thought San Lang should ask someone with more experience in this!

’I think San Lang looks nice in both outfits. So the choice should be up to him. :)’<

Not a moment later he had a response.

>’I would still like to know which one Gege likes more. It would make this one very happy to know.’

This guy is impossible!

Xie Lian groaned internally, both from his own sleepiness and San Lang’s stubborn attitude. But if he had to really think about it, the button up red and black ensemble seemed to match the mysterious persona that he saw San Lang as. Not only that, but he said he was going to a meeting. Why would he wear something with a cleavage window to a meeting? Unless that’s just the crowd of people he found himself around. Xie Lian didn’t bother himself with those details. He sent San Lang his answer by liking the photo and following it with, ‘this one.’

>’Thank you, Gege. A wonderful choice.’

A few moments passed before he received another text from San Lang. Xie Lian laughed to himself and shook his head. For some reason San Lang reminded Xie Lian of a young child who would keep pestering their older sibling for attention, but for him it was quite endearing. His friends were always busy doing things so denying that having such recurring conversations during his lunch breaks made him happy would be a lie.

>’Is Gege at work? Did you sleep well after we spoke?’

’Yes to both. I’m on my lunch right now.’<

>’Make sure you get plenty of rest after you get off. If you had to be there as early as you say then it would be most unfortunate to exhaust yourself.’

Xie Lian didn’t notice he was smiling as wide as a schoolgirl receiving chocolate on white day. He held his phone with both of his hands like it was the most fragile thing in the world at the moment. The text conversation between him and San Lang was the only thing he was focused on. He wrote out how he was staying awake by the excessive amounts of coffee mixed with energy drink shots in a dark way of being funny. He knew it wasn’t good for him and could possible land him in the hospital, but that’s exactly why San Lang called him immediately after reading the message.

Xie Lian picked up the call, “Hello?”

“Gege! No! That’s much too dangerous. That’s too much stress on your heart. Please drink water and go home.”

“San Lang, I’m fine. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this before,” he calmly explained.

He could have swore he heard San Lang pout over his dismissal of the dangers. He huffed a laugh. “I’ll be okay. Please don’t worry too much about me.”

“That is impossible. I will constantly worry now that I know your methods.” He replied evenly and seriously.

And again, Xie Lian found himself becoming flustered at the other man’s direct attitude and feelings. He fumbled the start of a sentence before he made an excuse to save himself. “O-oh! My break is over! I guess I should head back now! Goodbye, San Lang!”

“Gege.”

“Yes?” He squeaked.

“You’re free to call or message me at any time. I would like to speak with you again once you’re not busy if that is alright.”

Never has somebody wanted to speak to him so openly and directly; he blushed. “Okay! Yeah, that’s fine! Uh, g-goodbye, San Lang! We can talk later!”

Xie Lian frantically hung up the call and leaned back in the seat he was in. He still had about fifteen minutes before he had to actually go back in, but there was no way he would have been able to talk himself out of that situation. He wondered briefly if San Lang had another sense that just knew what made Xie Lian a fumbling and awkward mess. He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes to rub away desperate sleep and drank more of his caffeine experiment. 

There was no way he could tell Qingxuan any of this. 

-

“So are you going to tell me why I’m blindfolded?”

As the usual ritual, Xie Lian would find his way into Qingxuan’s clutches once he clocked out from his job. This time Qingxuan had told their friend to show up, knock, and turn around. But when Xie Lian did he heard loud fumbling and a few curses from behind the door. He almost turned around before Qingxuan busted through the door and stopped him.

“No!No!” Qingxuan cried.

Then, out of the blue a lightweight blindfold was put over Xie Lian’s eyes and a loose knot was at the back of his head, strands of his hair being tugged and pulled by the piece of fabric being wound around itself. Involuntarily, Xie Lian stuck his arms out to get a feeling of the area around him despite being there several days and nights before. Then suddenly he felt his body spin around and hands on his shoulders leading him inside.

“I’m so excited to show you this! Ohmygod!” Qingxuan practically skipped as they led Xie Lian inside their home. Their hands were kneading at his shoulders in an attempt to release some excitement.

“Ow!” Xie Lian suddenly cried. He took a few steps inside after removing his shoes and something pierced him in the arch of his foot. He found a wall to lean on and took the thin needle out.

“Oh! My bad! I didn’t know some made it all the way over here!” Qingxuan gently took the pin needle from Xie Lian and continued to carefully lead him to the living room.

“A’Xuaan,” Xie Lian whined. “What are you showing me? Why am I blindfolded?”

“Shh!ShShSh! Just a moment!”

Xie Lian sighed. There was rustling all around him. It sounded like Qingxuan was spinning circles around the room picking things up and then discarding them in a plastic container on the table Xie Lian knew was nearby from his many visits. A few grunts escaped Qingxuan as they moved around and thought about what to do next.

“Okay, just…” They said aloud. “I think I have everything put away.”

Xie Lian was left awkwardly standing in the open space as Qingxuan padded out the room into the nearby hallway. He would have sought out the couch that was usually against the wall, but the fear of stepping on another pin was too present with the way Qingxuan was casually telling him not to step there or don’t go too far that way as they were leading him here. God knows what they probably left astray on the sofa. 

“Okay!” 

Why did he sound out of breath?

The blindfold came off and Xie Lian was met with every single light in Qingxuan’s house turned on at once. This was the last thing he expected out of his recurring visits; it almost felt as if he had whiplash of some sort. It was literally as if their house were lit up like a mining or excavation tunnel.

Xie Lian, “Qingxuan, are you digging for gold? Why are all of your lights on?”

They bounced up and down, absolutely vibrating. “No! Look! I just finished it!”

They brought forward a very well-made outfit on a mannequin. It was solid white with a few brown and gold accents here and there. The top was a mesh sleeveless crop top with an interesting hem design. A cropped jacket with brown lining on the inside to give it some interesting quality. The pants were pretty standard as far as formal attire went, but there was a sort of skirt material that wrapped around the waist and tapered down towards the left thigh.

Qingxuan continued, “I haven’t done the shoes yet! I’m not sure what type of shoe would look better between a flat, chelsea, or a longer type of boot, but that’s what I have you for!”

“Me? Why me?” Xie Lian pointed to himself.

Qingxuan was the only person that could get into Xie Lian’s personal space the way they did without Xie Lian complaining; it seemed because Qingxuan listed their reasons why they were slowly trying to take outer pieces of Xie Lian’s clothes off.

“Obviously you don’t own a mirror. You’re so pretty! Like, I know you have muscle definition and blah blah blah, but you have such a misleading face. It’s so soft and nice. Anyone that sees you wants to talk with you!”

“I guess, but not really.” At this point Xie Lian was aiding Qingxuan in the removal of his clothes without realizing it.

Qingxuan stepped away and threw their head back, “What do you mean ‘you guess’ ? Lian Lian, hottie pirate man gave you his number and spoke to you alone! Even my brother likes you! He doesn’t like anyone!” They began to take their piece off the mannequin and handed it over to Xie Lian. “Look, if you’re not interested in it that’s fine, but let’s explore your toxic beauty community potential!”

“Huh?”

“Clothes! Makeup maybe! Jewelry and all that! I think it would be fun for you! …and me,” they added softly at the end.

“I’m fine trying on the clothes you make. I think the things you create are gorgeous, but I don’t know about my personal closet. I’m just not that materialistic about the things I want.” The mesh top went on and fit him like a glove. “A’Xuan you don’t have my body measurements do you? Ha.”

“Ha, no. Well, maybe. Actually, yes. From the New Year’s Festival and those robes I made for all of us. I will say that I was thinking of you when I remade this design! I thought you’d look perfect in it!”

“You made this before?” He only found it a bit strange because he had seen every outfit Qingxuan had made since they became friends. For them to have made an outfit and not show Xie Lian would have been a cry for help.

“No! I copied last year’s Spring Collection from Blackwater. See, I love their designs, but it’s just all too goth for me! Black, purple and red aren’t my colors. And because I’ve never seen a white or bright colored Blackwater design, I decided to do it myself!” They explained.

Xie Lian nodded his head. “I see. That’s one way to get what you want.”

Qingxuan stared at Xie Lian once he had the full outfit (minus the shoes) on. The entire thing fit him perfectly. The material wasn’t too thick, but it wasn’t prone to ripping either. The way the outfit was constructed fit the slender body build Xie Lian possessed well. The pants sat low on his hips and the inseam fit his toned lower body. Suddenly Qingxuan gasped and ran to their bedroom.

“Lian Lian! Trust me on this one!” they called from a distance.

They came back with a couple palettes of makeup and some jewelry. “Okay! Let me do this and take a couple of photos and I’ll release you!”

“A’Xuan,” he laughed, “I’m not here against my will you know!”

Qingxuan applied a light amount of makeup on Xie Lian’s face; dark blush to match the accent colors of the brown and gold, a light amount of highlighter so it didn’t look so flat, and some stuff around the eyes to bring out that golden color that looked so pretty in the sunlight. Afterwards they put stick-on piercings on one of Xie Lian’s nostrils and then a larger one on his belly button. They put a pair of long earrings in holes that had been unused for a while, but thankfully never closed. 

“God, you look so fucking hot right now! I’m sorry! Actually no, I’m not. Because it’s true!”

Qingxuan didn’t use their phone camera, but instead used their professional DSLR to take the photos of what could be considered their proudest project to date. They posed Xie Lian in different respectful poses, and managed to get one sneaky risqué one before Xie Lian noticed and got embarrassed about it. 

“Delete that one! Shi Qingxuan!” Xie Lian complained.

“Haha! No way! I won’t post it, but I want to keep it as blackmail!” They held their arm up and away from their friend to keep the camera safe from getting its memory deleted. Xie Lian wasn’t trying too hard to reach for the camera as he knew Qingxuan was as harmless as they came, but he knew if he really wanted to he could since they were basically the same height.

“I’m gonna edit these and put them on my instagram. I’ll tag you in it. You can like it. You’ll look stunning, darling.” They consoled.

Xie Lian sighed loud and heavy, “Okay, okay. You win.”

They winked and smiled. “I know.”

The sound of the front door opened and closed softly, bordering cautious. Qingxaun didn’t seem to mind or notice the new intrusion, but Xie Lian poked his head around the corner to see who it was. Lo and behold it couldn’t be anyone else besides Ming Yi dressed in all black, decidedly wearing all of his piercings at once today.

“Why is it so goddamn bright in here? Turn it off before you start a fire.”

“Hello!” Xie Lian greeted first.

“Mingxiong! I was wondering when you’d show up! Come! Look at what I finally made!” They grabbed Ming Yi by the arm and pulled him to the living room to Xie Lian who was just about to take off the outfit altogether. A sound of protest started to sound out of Ming Yi’s mouth, but he was yanked so hard that it died before it could reach anyone’s ears. 

“How come he didn’t have to be blindfolded?” Xie Lian observed and complained. 

“Because he won’t listen to me like you do!”

Ming Yi only grumbled at the comment. His eyes widened at the sight of Xie Lian wearing the crafted outfit, but it wasn’t at Xie Lian himself, but at the outfit he wore. He slipped out of Qingxuan’s iron grip and stepped towards Xie Lian. He inspected the fabric and turned pieces over to get a closer look at the stitching and fabric used. 

“Turn around?” He asked Xie Lian. 

Xie Lian did as asked. It was strange being this close to his goth friend, but his gloomy aura seemed to lift as soon as he began inspecting Qingxuan’s work. He wondered to himself if this was something he enjoyed more than feeding his fish.

“The stitch patterns and seam lines are very well done. Did you recreate Blackwater’s Spring Collection from last year,” Ming Yi asked. 

Qingxuan beamed. “Yes! I knew you’d know immediately! Isn’t it great? I wish they would make outfits in brighter colors, though… think I could start a petition?”

“I doubt you’d get very far with it,” Ming Yi replied. 

Xie Lian was confused. In the whole year he had known Ming Yi he never knew he was as much of a fashion buff as Qingxuan. “Am I the only one who didn’t know you enjoyed fashion?”

Ming Yi offered a rare smile. “No. I doubt Yizhen knows either. He doesn’t seem to pay too much attention to much around him. Makes him an interesting fit at his job.” 

Qingxuan, “To be fair, he doesn’t talk about himself very often. Or express any emotions, either. So I wouldn’t blame anyone for not knowing. I just happened to meet him while shopping for clothes with Yizhen.”

“I have emotions… well.”

“No, no. I’m not saying it because I’m angry, I just wouldn’t have thought that… of all people…” Xie Lian explained before he felt things would be taken in a wrong way.

“I’m not worried about it,” Ming Yi reassured. “But Qingxuan, if you’re really determined to beat some sense into Blackwater about color palettes, why don’t you send their agency your redesign or tag them in your social media to see if they notice?”

“But there’s so many people that already do that because they want to be models. I would hate to be another one of those people.”

“I think he has a point, Qingxuan,” Xie Lian said. “There’s no sense in feeling dejected unless you’ve already tried. Even then, you’re not the type of person to stop just because you won’t succeed.” He smiled reassuringly; he knew how bad Qingxuan could get when they started to doubt themselves. And it could take a lot more than a smile and few uplifting words to bring them back to their usual brightness. 

Then Xie Lian looked over at Ming Yi and remembered what he told him the other night. 

“A’Xuan,” he said. “Don’t regret things you want to do.”

Qingxuan looked at Xie Lian blank-faced for a solid minute before they busted out laughing. They ended up doubling over with tears rolling down their face before they calmed down enough to speak evenly.

“Xie Lian! Please! Not from you! Oh my god! I’ll do it I’ll do it I promise! Just don’t say stuff like that anymore! I love you!”

Ming Yi covered his mouth and coughed to suppress a laugh from the whole ordeal. What worked when he said it only sounded cringey when Xie Lian said it. This was the opposing nature of their beings. 

Xie Lian blushed with embarrassment and lowered his head.

“Can we hurry up and order food? I’m starving.” Ming Yi began walking away.

Still returning from their laughter, Qingxuan, “Mingxiong you’re always hungry.! I don’t know who’s worse between you or Yizhen.”

Chapter Text

“Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better.”

- William Shakespeare (b. 1564, d. 1616)

Rock climbing.

They had all agreed to go rock climbing .

With his therapy session for the week canceled by Jun Wu’s prior engagements, Xie Lian had decided to make plans and take Feng Xin up on his offer to catch up with him and Mu Qing.

Seeing Feng Xin a few weeks ago certainly made Xie Lian’s head spin and old guilt resurface, but his friend’s unwavering confidence and honesty had eventually reassured him that there was nothing he needed to keep blaming himself for. It was still something he was learning how to do, but for that moment things had seemed okay.

The only issue now was Mu Qing.

In their youth, the three men had gone to school with one another and shared an unbreakable bond. Feng Xin would put himself headfirst into things, Mu Qing would offer his callous opinion of said things, and Xie Lian would stand there and smile until something went awry. But despite their headbutting personalities, they seemed to make it work for each other. Until they eventually graduated and went their separate ways. 

Feng Xin and Mu Qing had both enlisted in the military from the moment they first graduated, and according to Feng Xin at the time, that’s when hell broke loose. Feng Xin had only wanted to see if his friend was doing okay one night during dinner when Mu Qing just suddenly… snapped. 

“Yeah, he told me to just leave him alone. I tried to ask him what was wrong several times but he just ignored me.” Feng Xin had explained.

Fast forward a few years and Xie Lian had decided he wanted some change in his life, so he enlisted and found out soon after that neither Feng Xin nor Mu Qing had anything to do with each other. All those years of friendship and memories just went out the window. Learning that made Xie Lian’s heart ache a bit. He knew the two had such abrasive personalities in their own right, but surely they knew better than to just let the first things that came out of their mouths decide that that was how they would communicate? Obviously not.

Xie Lian moved through ranks rather quickly, and once again stood side by side with his friends, whether they saw each other positively or not, there was no other way for Xie Lian to describe it. Standing next to people he once knew? Standing next to his old friends, now strangers? None of those felt right, but damage had already been done in the time he was absent.

But now, somehow , the stars and planets had aligned themselves in perfect order and, as Feng Xin would constantly describe, the insufferable Mu Qing had actually agreed to spend time with them. Hopefully to mend a broken friendship, but there’s no telling if he has any ulterior motives or not. Although, there wouldn’t be much to gain from Xie Lian.However, Feng Xin might have more to offer.

As he was getting ready, a message chimed on his phone. Usually he would leave his phone on silent, haptics off, but recently he found himself in conversations with San Lang more often than not. Every message received would cause his heart to skip a beat. Although it should feel like messaging any other friend about idle business and small talk, San Lang just felt different to talk to. He was curious and introspective about Xie Lian’s life and interests, to which Xie Lian never really spoke or thought about. But he picked up on this rather quickly during their first phone call.

Their friendship, for some reason, felt as if it had always been there. Once Xie Lian made the move to contact San Lang, everything fell into place rather quickly. Though their friendship had only recently started, things felt much closer. San Lang would, everyday for the last week or so, send Xie Lian a good morning text. It was simple and polite, and would make Xie Lian smile every time it showed up on his screen. There would also be the occasional text throughout the day as well, but it was more of a rhetorical message. Or at least, Xie Lian wasn’t sure of how to answer some of the strange ramblings San Lang would say at random. 

It only happened a couple of times so far, but San Lang would call Xie Lian as he was getting ready for bed to ask how his day was. San Lang would be working like he was before, the asmr of an artist sketching never failed to somehow calm Xie Lian’s nerves. San Lang’s voice was a melody to hear every time.

Trying to hold back a stupid smile, Xie Lian responded to the good morning text he was currently faced with.

‘Good morning, San Lang.’<

>’Does Gege have work today? You had mentioned your therapist had to reschedule today.’

‘No. I’m going rock climbing today with a couple of old friends. Hopefully they won’t fight.’<

>‘Oh? Is Gege the athletic type? Call me if they cause you trouble.’

Xie Lian laughed and shook his head at his new friend’s antics. 

‘San Lang! They won’t cause me trouble!’<

>’;)’

Xie Lian smiled and sighed. He had the feeling the only person who would actively seek to cause him any trouble at all would be San Lang himself. Not in a derogatory way, but still in a way.

Another ding from his phone, this time from Feng Xin letting Xie Lian know he’s outside whenever he’s ready to leave. Xie Lian could only hope that this time they would be in an actual car and not on his motorcycle. The motorcycle was a fun experience, but he would rather not ride on one ever again if he had the option.

Grabbing a small bag with spare set of clothes, his wallet, and keys, Xie Lian stepped out and down the wooden steps of his apartment and found Feng Xian waiting by the curb. Thankfully, there was no motorcycle, but he could see somebody else sitting in the driver's seat. They had dark hair and stared at the cuticles of their nails. 

“Xie Lian! Took you long enough! Let’s go!” Feng Xin patted Xie Lian’s arm playfully rough. 

“Sorry, sorry!”

The other person spoke as soon as the two entered the car - Feng Xin in the front passenger seat and Xie Lian sat in the back. 

“Feng Xin I will drop kick you if you don’t wipe your shoe off.”

Mu Qing!

He did a good job trying to hide his face as Cie Lian got closer to the car, but he wouldn’t mistake that voice anywhere. Especially it’s malice towards Feng Xin. 

“What do you mean?!” Feng Cin cried. 

“You stepped in dirt and now it’s stuck to your shoe. Go find some grass.” He pointed to a patch of grass across the stress. 

Feng Xin grumbled, “I swear to god. You’re so high maintenance.”

“I enjoy taking care of my stuff with the most minimal amount of effort, thank you.”

Xie Lian chimed in, a bit wary of how he would be received. “Guys, please don’t fight. Let’s enjoy today, please?”

My Qing finally faced Xie Lian and decided to back off Feng Xin. There was something strange in his eyes. “Alright.”

Feng Xin, still upset at Mu Qing, grumbled his agreement and walked over to the patch of grass to wipe his shoe.

When they finally got on the road, the first thing Xie Lian noticed was how Mu QIng didn’t drive with any music or background noise. Neither he or Feng Xin were talking, so the only sound that coil db heard was the sound of the tires spinning against the asphalt. Honestly, Xie Lian wouldn’t have thought of him in any other way. He drove with both hands on the wheel and kept his eyes firmly on the road, minus the occasional glance at his mirrors. Just very… by the book about things.

Surprisingly enough, Mu Qing was also the one who broke the silence. “Have you been here before, Feng Xin?”

“Once. Before I started working at the station. It’s a nice facility.”

“I still can’t believe you became a firefighter.”

“Safer than a police officer.”

And it was just like that where the two of them completely forgot Xie Lian even existed. Or at least, for the brief moment Mu Qing started the conversation. Feng Xin had mentioned before how Mu Qing probably just didn’t know how to communicate with Xie Lian, but now that the two of them were this close in proximity again, he wouldn’t have minded anything he said. Just some acknowledgment that he was here in the conversation.

Until suddenly, “So… have you been, Xie Lian?” Mu Qing asked slowly, maybe even a bit unsure of how to start a conversation at all.

Xie Lian picked his head up, coming out of his own internal monologue. He looked at Mu Qing through the rearview mirror, his gray eyes were still focused on the road ahead of him. 

“I’ve been well. After what had happened, Shi Wudu suggested I move here, and recently I’ve been getting therapy.”

Just briefly, Mu Qing’s eyes flicked up to the rearview mirror to glance at Xie Lian. “That’s good.”

XIe Lian smiled. “I hope you’ve been well, also.”

Mu Qing didn’t respond to that. Xie Lian didn’t really care, though. He already knew how adverse Mu Qing was to any form of intimacy or care that came his way. Deep down he probably appreciated the sentiment, but his exterior was so cold it was always so hard to know for certain. 

“We’re here.” He said some time after.

Aside from the small conversations the three of them shared at some point during the drive, it was mostly silent. Feng Xin had sat with his arms crossed and only looked over occasionally at the other two people in the car. Apparently talking was the only thing he and Mu Qing had done because Xie Lian could immediately tell that things were still sour. But what was Mu Qing feeling? And if they were reluctant to speak with each other to this day, how much of it was Xie Lian himself? The thought of it made him anxious. Whether the three of them could still call each other friends now became a responsibility that fell on his shoulders. But then… was that even worth it?

The trio entered the facility with Feng Xin leading them. An employee got them settled on a wall near the back and they were left to their own devices. Of course an attendant was nearby, walking around and making sure nobody was about to get injured.

Feng Xin put his safety gear on and was about to start climbing when Mu Qing immediately stopped him and grabbed Xie Lian by the upper arm. Both Xie Lian and Feng Xin were confused by the sudden action, but Mu Qing spoke as soon as he stopped them.

“Stretch first.”

Okay, that was a smart idea Xie Lian could understand. He would begin to do light stretches on his arms, legs and sides when he also realized that he was still the most normal of the three even after all years apart.

Feng Xin began to lightly argue about how one didn’t need to do a full bod stretch every time they did a physical activity and Mu Qing would vehemently rebuke those claims.

“You don't need to do a full body stretch, dumb shit. Just stretch.”

“And I stretch and do a routine run every morning, today was no exception!”

“And how long ago was that? Your muscles are cold by now. Don’t be an idiot!”

Xie Lian was in a low side lunge when he thought about doing something, whatever he could do at this point. He tried calling out to the two. “Guys… please. Not right now…”

Despite how slim Mu Qing’s body looked, he was still very strong. Strong enough to overpower Feng Xin when caught off guard. He had Feng Xin on the ground, forcing him to stretch large muscle groups while Feng Xin all but complained underneath him. Mu Qing’s knee was pinned into Feng Xin’s lower back while his other foot was holding himself sturdy, effectively preventing Feng Xin from being able to properly pull himself up.

“Ow! You fucking brute! Get off of me!”

“I already told you to stretch. And since you won’t, I’ll do it for you.”

Maybe this was Mu Qing’s way of showing he still cared?

Xie Lian sighed and got up from his stretch. He saw the attendant walking over, presumably to see what was going on, but Xie Lian confronts him before he steps into the lion’s den. Assuring the young man that the situation was under control, Xie Lian lightly tugged on Mu QIng’s arm to get him off of Feng Xin. 

“Hey, you guys are causing a scene. Let’s try to enjoy our time before they kick us out.”

Reluctantly Mu Qing let Feng Xin go and got off of his back. He straightened his clothes out and walked a bit away to do his own stretches.Feng Xin grumbled as he got up from the ground. He reworked his joints and kneaded the spot on his back Mu Qing’s knee showed no mercy on.

Xie Lian put the gear he received on and began to climb one of the shorter walls. It had been a while since he had done any sort of physical recreational activities, or any strenuous physical activity at all. Not since he left the military, at least. But it hadn’t been as long as it felt, so his hibernating strength came back to him in earnest. 

Well, maybe not all of it. His hand strength was there and plentiful, but he seemed to lack the strength in his core. The more awkward of an angle he would have to climb or when he would have to release a limb at a strange angle he felt himself struggling a bit. Eventually he brought himself down, letting the rappelle guide him without plummeting to a broken bone.

Feng Xin called out to Xie Lian and Mu Qing at the top of a larger wall, holding on solely by his fingertips. Xie Lian thought it was absurd how there was a wall like that.

“You guys want to play a game?”

“No.” Mu Qing was quick to respond, also hanging off the same wall.

“Shut up, you. I think we could all agree on a specific color to grab on to, reach the top, and come down - all timed.”

Xie Lian shrugged, looking up at the two. “That sounds fun. But can it not be the one you’re both on?”

Both men rappelled off the wall and walked over to their shorter friend. 

“We should do yellow first.” Feng Xin suggested.

“Blue.” Mu Qing countered.

The two shared a look. Xie Lian smiled awkwardly, but peacefully nonetheless. Even if there was still tension somewhere in the air between them, this was a good start to getting his old friends back, or at least, becoming reacquainted and healing old wounds they could hopefully, one day talk about without walls.

-

“Gege. Why would you send me a photo of you with your friends fighting behind you?”

Another late night call. One could say it was unexpected, but after a few repetitive patterns, one would say they were waiting for it.

“I thought it was funny. I sent it to Qingxuan, too.”

“They look like a stressful duo to be around,” San Lang commented.

Xie Lian laughed. “You have no idea. It was nice… hanging out with them again,” he quickly added.

San Lang hummed in agreement. “I’m glad Gege is in such a good mood.”

Xie Lian lay in his bed, showered and clean from the day’s rock climbing, but far from being tired. Somehow he was still full of energy, but he knew sooner or later he would crash and burn in his spike of energy.

“San Lang, can I ask you a question?”

“Always.”

The single word made his face flush, but he refused to let it show in his voice. “Are you working right now?”

“I’m taking a break right now. I need to let my brain decompress before I continue. Why does Gege ask?” You could almost hear the fox-like grin through his words. 

Xie Lian bit the inside of his cheek; he was in too deep now. He already asked the question, he had to go through with it now. “Then… could you show me some of your stuff? Or, could I see it sometime? It doesn’t have to be right now-”

Just then he saw his screen light up and the request for a video call popped up. Xie Lian accepted and was suddenly met face to face with San Lang, this time virtually. San Lang smirked as he rested his head in his hand. 

“Gege should never feel anxious or embarrassed asking to see my art. I’m flattered.”

Although he had limited encounters with San Lang face-to-face, he had received enough images of him in various outfits with the question of which was better, this was the first time he had seen San Lang in a basic tank top with his bare arms and shoulders exposed. His eyes widened.

“I didn’t know you had tattoos.”

San Lang raised a brow and smiled wider. “I prefer to keep covered in public.”

Oh, Xie Lian was sassy because his next comment made San Lang turn the camera around. “And that’s why you have so many sweaters that expose your chest?”

San Lang had flipped the camera to an incomplete sketch that laid in front of him. It was vague, but it gave just enough detail for the artist to understand what direction they wanted to continue with and what the focus was. A lot of what Xie Lian saw was big, thick lines that gave general directions, and then a few smaller and lighter detailed images that would allow the eye to focus on a single point. Xie Lian found it fascinating to stare at.

“What does Gege think? Do you like it?”

“Mesmerizing…”

The camera flipped back to focus on San Lang’s face. “Gege is too kind.”

Without thinking Xie Lian spoke his immediate thoughts once again. “Can I see your whole collection someday?”

San Lang’s eye widened and his eyebrows raised. He was still resting his head against his hand. Xie Lian recoiled from his blunt request when he saw how San Lang reacted. He tried to explain himself to not make it seem so weird before San Lang stopped him.

“I mean-!’

“Gege.”

“...”

“I’m at my studio right now. If you would like to… see it.”

Was he feeling self conscious?

Was San Lang inviting him over to his art studio? At ten at night? Xie Lian blinked fast.

“Yes.”

“Oh?” San Lang’s mischievous smile reappeared.

“I mean… I would like to see it. Tonight. If you’re offering?” How Xie Lian started to stammer and become hyper aware of everything he said.

“Text me your address, I can send Yin Yu over to pick you up.”

“Yin Yu?”

“My assistant and personal security guard. You can trust him. He’s the one who brought you to me at the restaurant.” He explained.

“Oh. Quan Yizhen’s shixiong.” Xie Lian confirmed for himself.

“Send me your address, I'm going to hang up now and get the place cleaned up a bit.”

“O-okay. See you soon, then.”

Oh, what did he get himself into?

-

Just as San Lang explained, Yin Yu was at his apartment almost as soon as he sent San Lang his address. He had recognized Yin Yu from their brief meeting before - the short hair and glasses, but this time he wasn’t wearing a mask on his face. 

Yin Yu bowed when Xie Lian met him at his car, all black like his outfit. “Hello again, Lian-gongzi. Let me formally introduce myself to you this time: I am Yin Yu, Chengzhu’s personal assistant and security.”

“Chengzhu?” Xie Lian tilted his head in confusion.

“San Lang.”

“I could infer, I just never heard him say that name to me before,” he explained.

Yin Yu opened the backseat of his car and gestured for Xie Lian to enter. “I understand. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind explaining it if you asked him. He speaks very highly of you, Gongzi.”

A quick ‘thank you’ for opening the door before he spoke again. “No need to call me so formally. Xie Lian is fine.”

Yin Yu shook his head. “Now that you have become his saving grace I dare not poke the bear with a stick. You must understand.”

Xie Lian smiled and waited for Yin Yu to buckle himself in the driver’s seat. “I don’t, but I won’t ask.”

“Thank you.” Xie Lian could see Yin Yu smile through the rearview mirror. 

It felt funny. Xie Lian felt like he had been in and out of cars all day today. His usual routine would consist of him going out once via public transit, doing his business, and either going home through the same method, or through Qingxuan dragging him to their house or somewhere else. And it was especially funny because he would never go out this late at night unless he was already out with his friends. 

Thinking of his friends…

“Yin Yu, can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“What would you like to know?” Much like Mu Qing, Yin Yu was focused on the road and had both of his hands on the wheel.

“When you approached us at the restaurant, Yizhen called you Shixiong…” He wasn’t sure how to ask the question directly, but Yin Yu seemed to know exactly what Xie Lian wanted to ask.

“I used to instruct Qi Ying a long time ago when he first started out at the agency. I know how forgetful he is, so he might not have ever said anything to you or anyone about his job, but like me, he also runs security. I’ve been lucky enough to be employed by Chengzhu full time in recent years, so I’ve left the agency behind me.” Yin Yu explained easily.

“Then why did you act like you didn’t know him?”

“I…” Yin Yu sighed. “I respect Qi Ying, but I… He can be very clingy and attentive to people he feels a strong connection with and I don’t know how to respond to that every time.”

Xie Lian pondered the explanation for a while before speaking again. An early memory of his first encounter with Dr. Wu and his other therapists (that didn’t work out so well for him) struck him soon after.

“I see. I don't want to sound rude or presumptuous, but, to me, it sounds like you might have unresolved issues that, once you get the opportunity to talk about, you’ll know how to feel about it properly.”

“You’re very insightful, Xie Lian-gongzi. I will keep that in mind. I can see why Chengzhu enjoys your company.”

They must have driven for about fifteen minutes, passing large buildings and bright lights of the main city before taking a backroad that led towards the outer districts. Interesting how Xie Lian had lived here for a year plus and still hadn’t really gone out of his way to explore the larger part of the area he lived in. The search for that old woman he had since given up on did not count in his mind, but that unfortunate stop at that small mountain village was nice. 

Yin Yu broke the long settled silence. “I apologize if this looks unsettling. Chengzhu is a rather secretive person about his work and decided that a remote and abandoned building would be the best place for him to be undisturbed.”

“It’s… fine, I guess?” Xie Lian was distracted by the changing environment outside of the car. His temple was pressed against the window as his eyes scanned the trees and rusting industrial machinery. It was an interesting place to consider working by, for sure.

Immediately upon entering the lot, the first thing Xie Lian noticed about the building was that one, it was an abandoned warehouse of all places, and two, how all of the windows were boarded up and the intricate security system that was affixed to the front entrance. Somehow it felt like Xie Lian was going on his own undercover mission coming out to the middle of nowhere like this; he was lightly thrilled.

“For security measures, could you please turn around, Gongzi?” Xie Lian complied and a few moments later there were a few confirming beeps that came from the system.

“Please follow me.”

Because it was a warehouse the entryway was more like a waiting room or front office rather than that of an actual hallway. So far there was nothing extraordinary about it besides walls with peeling paint and an assortment of fresh canvases lined up along one of the walls and their corners, some unopened paint cans were placed next to them. There was another door that led into the main interior of the building, nothing fancy or special about it, just a wooden door. In fact, most of the place looked gutted the more Xie Lian inspected its current design. Somehow, without all the glitz and glamor of his daily outfit choices, this destructive and chaotic aesthetic all felt very San Lang to him.

Yin Yu knocked on the door before opening it. “Chengzhu, I have brought Lian-gongzi as you’ve instructed.”

Xie Lian peeked around Yin Yu to see inside the larger room, curiosity getting the better of him. He couldn’t see much, but could see easels and messy canvases with strips and sheets of paper strewn on the walls and ground. Walking further in behind Yin Yu, he saw much more than just the messy scene from the doorway. There were more canvases, paints and the like all neatly along the walls. Some he could see looked like complete projects while others looked half done. 

San Lang quickly came up to the two but only gave his attention to Xie Lian. gingerly holding out his hand for Xie Lian to place his own in. He was wearing an actual shirt now instead of the tank top.

“Gege. I’m so glad you came.” San Lang spoke softer than usual, the confession made Xie Lian’s heart skip a beat.

Xie Lian placed his hand in San Lang’s just as softly as San Lang had offered his own. Curling his fingertips slightly in Xie Lian’s palm, San Lang began to lead the shorter to a makeshift living quarter that was nestled on the far end of the very large room.

Before they left him completely, Xie Lian made sure to thank Yin Yu for driving him all the way here despite it getting so late.

San Lang had led Xie Lian to a large black couch, in front of it was a coffee table and a large TV hung on the wall. 

“Let me get Gege some tea. Please make yourself comfortable.” San Lang offered.

Xie Lian took a seat and allowed himself to observe the area more closely. There wasn’t really much here, but there was another doorway that San Lang had gone through, which was probably an old employee break room that he used as a kitchen. Looking to his right there wasn’t much, but he did see a large drawing desk with a closed sketchbook. Next to it some pencils were strewn around. That must have been where San Lang had been working from during some of their late night chats. 

Xie Lian was tempted to go up and flip through the covered pages, ultimately deciding against it as that would not only be a rude thing to do to an artist, but potentially a breach of trust between a friend. He turned to look behind him at the expansive room; He saw many covered paintings and more closed books. Plastic and paint covered the floor, it was a rainbow of colors. Xie Lian could only imagine how dirty one's clothes must get while having an occupation or hobby such as this.

He, again, wanted to get up and take a closer look, but the voice in his head advised himself not to. If San Lang was so secretive he felt that he had to work out in an abandoned warehouse, then Xie Lian wouldn’t push his boundaries like that.

San Lang eventually came back through the door and gently passed a cup of tea to Xie Lian.

“I apologize for the wait. I wanted to brew you something fresh.”

“No, it’s okay! I appreciate it. I would have taken old tea, too. I’m not that picky.” Xie Lian smiled.

And there’s that mischievous smile once again. “While the modesty is lovely, I must disappoint you by saying that you will only get the best treatment while here.”

Xie Lian decided to hide his oncoming blush by sipping the, still piping hot, tea while looking away. He weakly hummed a response. And as if he were super aware of his body movements, he could have sworn San Lang could see through him by the way he chuckled at his obvious avoidance to the admission. 

Backing up a bit and putting his hands behind his back, San Lang spoke again, “Whenever you’re ready, I would like to show you some of what I have.”

Xie Lian put the cup down and stepped toward San Lang. he nodded his head towards the chaotic arrangement that was the main floor - a literal exhibit on its own. 

San Lang took a slow pace, guiding his guest with him. As they would come near a piece San Lang would say a little story to build excitement, and then, with a deadpan nuance, would talk about the art’s name and some of the directionality he was trying to take with it. 

“It’s a shame that most of these don’t ever see the outside world or the general public.”

“Why spend so much time on them, then?” Xie Lian brushed his fingertips lightly across the abandoned paintings, following whatever direction or motion that was being created. 

“Hmm, that’s a good question. Why does one spend so much time doing something they enjoy even if it never takes off?”

“Fair.”

San Lang walked over to a large size sketch book. The edges were curled and bent from continuous wear and use; some parts were even torn or ripped. There were smudges of graphite and charcoal all on the generic cover and page edges. Instead of flipping through each page and talking about the images one by one, San Lang just gave Xie Lian the entire thing to go through at his own pace.

Xie Lian began to flip through the pages one by one, taking all the time he was allowed to have with it. As much as he loved the polished paintings and grandiose displays they were able to create by size alone, there was something about the rough outlines and harsh strokes of pencil to paper that drew him in. was it the aesthetic or the personality the images created that he liked more? He shifted on his feet just a bit when his back hit something solid and hands softly braced the back of his upper arms. He made an ‘oh’ upon impact and looked up behind him.

How long had San Lang been standing behind him? Was he observing over his shoulder? Xie Lian was so absorbed in going through the sketchbook his body didn’t register anything to feel awkward or embarrassed about. Even the apology he gave was short and noncommittal before he brought his attention back to yellowed pages and smudged lines.

San Lang’s eyebrow rose. “It seems Gege is enthralled by this sketchbook?”

“I love the paintings, but there’s something about the way pencil looks compared to paint that I think I enjoy more, but maybe it’s how chaotic you are with a pencil and how gentle you are with a brush.”

“What an observation… I haven't even noticed that…” San Lang’s voice was softer than it was a few seconds earlier. Xie Lian barely noticed the tone shift.

Xie Lian was interrupted from his browsing when San Lang laid his hand atop his, no doubt to get his attention which had been fully engrossed. He was currently tunnel visioned. 

“Gege, may I show you one more thing? I do not wish for you to be out so late if you have work early in the morning.”

He closed the sketchbook and held it against his body. “Sure.”

At the other end of the room was a giant canvas covered by a thick cloth. Large lights hung overhead and a portable lamp stood to the side next to a ladder that was just as tall as the art medium. There was a cord hanging over to the side that was attached to the large cloth covering the art. San Lang pulled the cord and slowly revealed an unfinished painting; the canvas had been painted solid black while white pencil marked a large majority of one side and the other side looked to be a bunch of different shades of whites and grays. 

Xie Lian’s mouth opened in awe. “Woah…”

“It’s not finished. It’s taking me considerably longer than my other works as the colors I’m using are very particular and can easily overpower one another if I’m not careful. Of course more will be added to it, but…” He looked over at Xie Lian’s face to gauge his reaction. “Does Gege like it?”

“It’s gorgeous, San Lang. I would love to see it when it’s finished…” Xie Lian’s eyes widened. “I mean, if not that’s okay. Just-”

San Lang quickly cut him off at that, “Whatever it is you desire, consider it done.” 

Maybe it was the way San Lang was looking at him, maybe it was the conviction in his voice. He couldn’t be so sure, but whatever it was had made something rise within Xie Lian. He wasn’t stressed, he wasn’t tired, he wasn’t worried about some Monkey King ruining the only groceries he would be able to provide himself for a few days, but most importantly, he wasn’t scared. 

This was a rather strange situation to be in for that to be something Xie Lian felt, but everything that had happened in his past now seemed to be just that. In his past. He wanted to see the painting when it was finished and he wanted to build a world for himself where he could laugh and enjoy his time with the people he cared about. He thought for a moment before realization hit him. He wanted, for the first time since his parent’s funerals, that he wanted to be happy.

“And that,” San Lang pointed to the sketchbook that was still being held tightly against Xie Lian’s chest. “You can keep that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. Positively. Don’t try and give it back. Give me a moment to grab my jacket and keys. I’ll take you home.”

Yeah. At the end of the day, Xie Lian finally realized what he was so desperately searching for this entire time.

Chapter Text

“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.”

― Federico García Lorca, Blood Wedding and Yerma

Part One

Shi Qingxuan was a bright-eyed and boisterous individual with too much love to give. Attentive and hands-on with their methods of madness, they were perfectly aware of everything around them. Other people, however, not so much. Well, unless you’re their closest friend who suddenly said they had other plans without giving an invite. That, to Qingxuan, was a red flag that something was up. For someone who always thought to invite Shi Qingxuan to whatever it was they did, Xie Lian sure was comfortable going out on his own all of a sudden.

When Qingxuan would ask Xie Lian what he was up to, he would just tell them ‘nothing much’ and their usual topics of conversation would continue. Now, this wouldn’t happen every time, of course. There would be plenty of times where the two, three, or four would hang out as usual, but it was sudden vagueness Qingxuan would get from their friend when they demanded they hang out with them in their usual manner to only get turned down. 

Not one to get discouraged, there was always the question of ‘why’ and ‘is everything okay’. But Xie Lian would let them down gently and told them not to worry and that they could hang out the next day if they were still available. That his plans were sudden and there was nothing he could do. This made the blood in Qingxuan run fast. The tips of their fingertips vibrated and pulsed uncontrollably and their arms shook just slightly. Anxiety ruled their higher functions and it took them all their willpower not to say something foolish.

Did they do something wrong?

Have they been too clingy lately?

Did they say something the other day that caused Xie Lian to become uncomfortable?

Did somebody say something to Xie Lian about them and it caused him to not want to interact with them as much anymore?

Qingxuan soon after called someone they knew could talk some sense and calm them down. Someone who could keep them from saying something stupid; the complete opposite in everything that made Shi Qingxuan, Shi Qingxuan - Ming Yi.

Going from quirky, upbeat and bright to mellow, relaxed and dark, Ming Yi’s dominant functions completely mirrored that of Qingxuan’s. Where one was an extrovert at extremist levels, the other would rather not converse with anybody unless he had something to gain from the interaction. A look into one’s closet could give somebody a whiplash of color and variety, the other would make somebody question if black holes could form on the planet itself. 

The feeler versus the thinker - that was their dynamic. And weirdly enough, despite all of their minute differences in interests and habits, this worked for them. 

“Yes, Qingxuan?” A monotone voice, barely awake, answered the phone. It was rough and gravelly - pulled from the depths of a grave, Qingxuan often made jokes about ‘raising the dead’ whenever they would call and wake him up.

Frantic words rushed out of Qingxuan’s mouth, some words made sense while others sounded like conjunctions of various words trying to be said all at once. Awkward laugher punctuated their thoughts periodically. “Hahaha… Mingxiong, hey. Ah. So, uh, haha.”

If one of the two was supposed to be the self-aware one, the other was definitely more socially aware, and could tell when something was wrong at the drop of a hat. 

“Stop. What’s wrong?”

“Uh…”

Ming Yi clicked his tongue, not in annoyance, but more in frustration that Qingxuan suddenly forgot how to speak while rambling in such a panic and because he was so fucking tired . “Don’t act like you forgot how to speak now. Slow down and relax your mind.”

There was a couple minutes of silence. Breathing occupied the call line between them; occasional deep breaths and yawns from Ming Yi and deep, unsteady ones from Qingxuan. Eventually, Qingxuan regained control over their breathing and was able to think in largely coherent thoughts.

“Do you think I’m annoying?”

Ming Yi took his phone away from his ear and looked at the screen in confusion to make sure he wasn’t hearing things. “Huh?”

“Mingxiong-!” Qingxuan cried, a bit desperate for an answer.

“We had this conversation a long time ago, why are you asking again?”

Their voice was tight and high-pitched from the anxiety and stress they were causing themself. It was their attempt to keep their emotions from spiraling once again. “Well, I-, I feel like Lian Lian has been avoiding me lately. I know I can be clingy sometimes, but I don’t think I do anything to make anyone uncomfortable enough to not want to talk to me-!”

Ming Yi sighed and pitched the bridge of his nose, “Qingxuan. Listen to yourself. I doubt that of all the people you know, Xie Lian is the one to drop you for being accidentally insensitive without trying to talk to you about it first.”

“But-”

“I can try to understand why you feel that way, but I’m also missing details. But I also know how Xie Lian is. And I know how you are. And the both of you have a strange friendship that I doubt will crumble just because he decides he wants to start doing things without us knowing beforehand.”

“But that’s the thing,” they whined. “When I asked him what his plans were he just said ‘things’! That’s so weird! He said it was out of his control and he had no choice! Do you think he was kidnapped?”

Oh, now they were jumping to conclusions. “I really doubt that’s the case. I don’t think a kidnapper would let their hostage text their socialite friend back-”

“But that’s the other thing! Lian Lian is SO nice that if he asked I’m sure they would let him!”

“I still doubt he was kidnapped,” he deadpanned. “Qingxuan. Maybe he just doesn’t want us to know about whatever it is, yet…” Ming Yi was trying his absolute hardest to try and keep Qingxuan level-headed, but he was so exhausted. He was fighting a seemingly losing battle trying to keep his friend from doing something crazy if this kept up.

“Qingxuan,” he yawned. “I’m sure everything is fine. When he wants to tell us he’ll tell us. Or just you. I’m not that invested in his personal life like that.”

Qingxuan huffed and plopped down on their couch as if they were dead weight. “I knooww, but-”

“Then let him figure it out. If he continues to get weird about it, or starts acting funny then be concerned. You, as you are, are fine. If he’s having issues, you are nowhere near that equation.”

If that was his best attempt at consulting, then Qingxuan was going to take it. Strangely though, Ming Yi was pretty good at it even if he seemed like he wasn’t. 

“Okay…” Qingxuan said sullenly. “I’ll leave it alone… for now! Next time he gets funny I won’t hold back,” they resolved.

“Hm.”

Qingxuan smiled softly to themself. A piece of their long hair woven through their fingers they had been unconsciously playing with while they were in the midst of their deescalating panic. “Okay then, Mingxiong. I’m gonna go. I can tell you’re still tired. Sorry for waking you up and panicking. Talk later.”

“You're worrying too much. It’s fine. Later.”

Qingxuan stared at their phone screen after the call dropped. All of their recent call history was between their manager, Xie Lian, and Ming Yi. Deep down they knew they were socially well-rounded, but their inner circle was small and few. And truth be told, they enjoyed their close companions in such a way, but a seed of self-consciousness planted itself in their head earlier in the week and they could feel it sprouting fast. 

Ever since Ming Yi told them that they should contact Blackwater and their team there was a feeling of excitement. A jolt of electricity rushed through at the idea that maybe, just maybe, their work would be up to par with that of the legendary stylist. Qingxuan spent hours, days and nights, editing the photos they took of Xie Lian in the outfit they redesigned as well as posing in it themselves and taking a few outdoor shots. 

Excitement soon turned into panic and uncertainty.  The more Qingxuan stared at the photos, editing, backtracking, and editing the same thing again, no amount of lighting could cover up what they eventually convinced himself was a ‘shitty impersonation’. They would pull at their hair and dig into their scalp with hard, manicured nails to alleviate their stress in any way they could. 

Trash would begin to pile around their living spaces with the neglect they eventually subjected themselves to. Takeout trays and dirty dishes were left unattended all while clean clothes would go untouched and hygiene ignored. 

It was two nights before that Qingxuan’s door was kicked open and an army of one rampaged through the entryway. Making as much of a ruckus as they could, they searched every room in the house before stumbling in the back photo office to find a disheveled and vibrating with anxiety. A mountain of empty energy drinks gave the takeout trays company.

Ming Yi had (literally) barged into Qingxuan’s home on a ‘wellness check’ and demanded an explanation to their recent behavior. The scowl on his face was deep and his body language yelled everything but inviting. But if it wasn’t for him forcing Qingxuan to take a break and take care of themself, they would have probably been hunched over on their computer still. And who knows, maybe their overreaction to Xie Lian declining their usual offer to hangout would have never happened. 

But Shi Qingxuan was not somebody who stayed down for too long, no! As a matter of fact, they were going to go out with or without Xie Lian. This finalized their resolve to take a break, and let the wind guide them to a happier and healthier perspective on the day ahead of them. 

Who ever said you needed to always have someone around in order to have fun? You should be able to enjoy yourself in the moment as it happens. 

…

“No.”

“What? You haven’t even heard what I was going to say!”

“‘ Have you risen from your casket yet?’ or something like that.”

Deciding to take themselves out was originally a good idea. Qingxuan had gone café hopping for the better half of their self-imposed adventure until they reached a bookstore nearby. They sat down in the air-conditioned building on a soft seat with a fantasy book they would have never otherwise looked at. Conceptually, sure, they enjoyed the idea of fantasy, but reading it? They would wait for the movie to come out in three years. 

This lull in movement was too much for Qingxuan’s hyperactive brain to handle. They would look at their phone several times over after they read a sentence or two, wondering when the chapter would end, until they unlocked it completely and looked at their recent calls. It had been a couple of hours since they left their home… Ming Yi was probably awake. 

“Mingxiong~!” They whined.

A sigh. “Yes, I’m awake.”

“I’m bored!”

“I know.” He said.

Qingxuan huffed and slapped the book against their thigh in frustration. “Come hang out with me, Mingxiong!”

“I’ll think about it”

“Boo, you’re no fun!” 

Qingxuan ended the call with a grumble and decided once again that they would explore another crevice of the city by themselves. 

-

A tall, dark clad figure sat down across from Qingxuan at a table full of sweet breads, assorted cheeses and their usual order of coffee. They stared at Qingxuan with mild annoyance, a cup of steaming hot coffee resting in their hands on crossed legs. 

Ming Yi spoke, almost disapprovingly, “What did you do?”

Qingxuan smiled brightly and swallowed a cube of cheese they were chewing, “Got my haircut!”

Ming Yi sighed and took a sip of his beverage. “Clearly.”

It wasn’t a bad haircut. Qingxuan’s hair had a natural bounce and slight curl to it when it was shorter, so when they decided on a whim to stop at a local salon and change their look, they opted for a short mid-length inspired cut. 

“When I got there I told the lady, ‘I want to feel Marilyn Monroe but a bit shorter. Something I can play with!’ And I think she did a great job!” They winked. 

Ming Yi raised his eyebrow and drank more coffee before he sighed again. From the situation or exhaustion, even he would never be able to figure it out. 

“I’ll settle for you having your breakdowns and doing maniacal things as a way to decompress. Just don’t do it and get pierced or tattooed.”

“Pfft! As if you’re the one to be telling me that! You’re covered in both! Why can’t I get a tattoo, Mingxiong~” They play-pouted at their friend, waving a piece of bread at them. 

Ming Yi leaned forward and grabbed the bread with his teeth. It had been the latter half of the afternoon by this point and he hadn’t eaten a single thing all day. He was absolutely starving, in fact. 

Qingxuan only stared in bewilderment at this. The two had known each other for a couple of years, but never had Qingxuan noticed how long Ming Yi’s eyelashes were or how nice their skin was. 

Ming Yi ate it in three bites before responding. “If it’s something you want, go for it. It’s you’re upset or frustrated when you get one, you’ll regret it later. Trust me, I have a lot of them. Remember?” He pulled one of his sleeves up midway on his arm and revealed a cacophony of ink. Some of it was beautiful, some was marred and random. There were only a couple of spots that looked like blackouts, but without a closer look, Qingxuan would never be able to tell.

Completely dropping the topic of their most recent haircut, Qingxuan was now focused on the tattoos and the piercings. They had known Ming Yo was a part-time piercer for a while, but had never actually seen him at his job. But then again, they never really went looking for that sort of stuff either. There was a strange fascination to it. Maybe it was the social stigma around body art and jewelry; on some people it worked, and for others not so much. Ming Yi just so happened to be one of those people that it worked for. And very well. There wouldn’t be a world Qingxuan could imagine Ming Yi in where he didn’t have his tattoos or piercings. 

“-So which one hurt the most?” They blurted before they put the complete thought in their mind before asking. 

Ming Yi slowly pulled another piece of bread towards him, his eyebrow raised in question. “What?”

“Uh, tattoo, or, uh, piercing. Haha. You have so many, I’m just, um, kind of curious.” They began to twirl and stroke a tuft of hair behind their ear.

Ming Yi leaned into his seat and tilted his head back in thought. He began to lightly touch various parts of his body, remembering the experience he had when getting his modifications. Something Qingxuan wasn’t expecting was how much he was touching his torso - his sides and abdomen specifically. 

How much of his body was covered? Did he have a full body suit? Qingxuan had never given it a thought until now. Their eyes would follow Ming Yi’s hands, wondering what lay under the fabric. 

“Well,” Ming Yi would casually let out from time to time, unsure if something was or wasn’t. “Actually,” he lifted the right corner of his shirt up to the bottom of his chest to reveal, not just and entire mural over his pale skin, but a large side tattoo of a fish skeleton that ended at his hip. “This one hurt the most. It took a while because of its size and placement. But the ribs just hurt in general. For some reason all the other ones on my body were fine, but this one? Not the funnest.”

He let the shirt fall and propped both of his elbows on the table and leaned forward. He adjusted his hands around his mouth and swallowed once. “As far as piercings go,” he opened his mouth and lifted his tongue to reveal a metal on the frenulum. As if the stud on the tongue itself wasn’t enough for him. “That one probably hurt the most. Don’t get that one if you get a piercing not on your ear.” He relaxed back into his seat, and drank his coffee casually. 

Qingxuan ‘ooh’ed’ softly at the first demonstration, but when Ming Yi leaned in again to show the underside of his tongue Qingxuan quietly held their breath, suddenly becoming insecure if they blew too harshly in their friend’s face. Their face warmed a bit.

“Oh, alright.” They quickly looked down and away. Suddenly finding immense interest in their sugary caffeinated drink. 

Choosing to ignore whatever the fuck kind of reaction that was, Ming Yi chose to not make it weird. “So what’s the plan?”

They looked up, mouth slightly ajar. “Huh?”

“You’ve been begging me to leave my home to hang out with you. What’s the plan?”

“Oh, uh… Wait! No! I’ve been out all day! I was about to go home when you decided to meet me here!” 

Ming Yi smiled. “Stuck with me, now. Think of something.” His cup of coffee was now empty and he went up to the barista to get another one. 

Smiled. Qingxuan couldn’t believe their eyes! They saw him smile once, twice? All within the last four months? And now he wants them to think?’ Unbelievable! The audacity of this man!

He returned with more coffee and a coffee cake.

The absurdity of-

“Let’s go out!” 

Eyes wide, Qingxuan slapped both hands over their mouth and stared in horror at Ming Yi, who was bent over in the process of sitting back down in his seat. He stared back blank-faced, if not more mortified than Qingxuan. 

The synapses in Qingxuan’s brain were firing at rapid speed to try and find a way to remedy this now awkward situation. Their eye contact with Ming Yi remained as hands slowly slid down his face, forcing them to eventually say something. 

“Oka-“

“Haha, I mean… we should go get some food. Haa. Since we’re both already out and all! And I can repay you for your time…”

They had overlapped each other, but Qingxuan failed to notice Ming Yi’s response as they completely dominated the conversation and buried whatever he said. This also caused them to miss the softening of their goth friend’s eyebrows. 

Ming Yi’s face was expressionless. He sat down fully and began to poke at the coffee cake, deciding to slide it over to Qingxuan. He averted his gaze to the window and stared outside. 

“Alright. If you’re paying, I’ll choose.”

Chapter Text

“The truth is I feel rather light headed and foolish in your presence, Cee, and I don't think I can blame the heat.”

- Ian McEwan, Atonement

“San Lang! I already told you! You don’t have to repay me for anything! I visited you, remember?”

There was no explanation to it, every time San Lang would do anything it would make Xie Lian giddy. Whether it was him casually making a remark about a person or a thing or trying to forcibly get Xie Lian to accept his random offers to go somewhere, there was always something that made him smile uncontrollably at the invitations or conversations. And thankfully most of them were through text or call otherwise San Lang would never let Xie Lian live in peace. 

“Yes, I do. And? You refused to let me take you to that little village you stumbled into. I would have loved to see it with Gege.”

“And too bad we didn’t meet until after.”

“I would still like to see it with Gege.”

“San Lang-!” 

Xie Lian’s lunch break was not where he wanted to be complaining like this to his new friend. He already got weird looks from Pei Xiu from time to time when he was doing idle tasks to look busy. Occasionally Pei Xiu would walk up to his senior and try to make eye contact with him to see if everything was alright, but Xie Lian always gave him a thumbs up and awkward smile.

Usually this wouldn’t be an issue or concern to have, but for the last several days Xie Lian had been reacting oddly to the phone calls he was receiving. A few days after this set of phone calls and texting started Pei Xiu caught on to something he wasn’t even sure Xie Lian knew. 

“I am only trying to get to know Gege better. How else will I be able to convince you to be my muse?”

Xie Lian laid his forehead on the table. “San Lang…”

San Lang continued to persist, “What time does Gege get off? I can pick you up after work?” 

Xie Lian sighed. “There’s no talking you out of this is there?”

San Lang hummed in thought. “If Gege is truly against going there with me, then I won’t argue. Gege’s wishes come first.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to go with you. You just keep saying too many nice things at once and I’m not sure how to react to them all the time…”

“Ahhh, I have Gege tongue-tied, I see. What an honor.” Xie Lian could visualize the mischievous smile that was probably all over San Lang’s face right now. While Xie Lian’s face burned at the admission, San Lang got what he wanted to hear.

“This one can refrain from saying such pleasantries if Gege would like. But if it’s time you’re worried about, then be rest assured: a car is much faster than a train,” he tried to persuade. 

He couldn’t argue the point. A car was faster than a train, plus working a bit earlier allowed Xie Lian more time to find hobbies. Ultimately, he gave in to the determined artist. “Ah, I guess San Lang wins this one. When did you want to go?”

“Oh? What time does Gege get off?” San Lang’s voice was usually very smooth and even, but there was a brightness that suddenly laced it. 

“In a few hours. But I’ll have to go home and change first. I’ve got a bad coffee stain from earlier.”

It was clear as day how in his own world Xie Lian was. Pei Xiu would try to throw him a look to poke fun at his coworker, but there was no way he would be getting his attention while he was still on that phone. Customers began to line up at the register. 

That, he did notice. He did a double take at his trash in front of him and at the young man who would soon need help checking people out. 

“Ah, San Lang, it looks like I have to go now. Little Pei needs help. I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Yes. Goodbye, Gege.”

It was the start of the late morning and early afternoon rushes when people would go on their own break from work or out running general errands. Xie Lian went just a bit over his usual thirty minute lunch, but there was no indication from Pei Xiu that he should come back. He cursed himself internally at the slip-up, he was so caught up in his conversation with San Lang that failed to pay attention to his job properly. 

Even though it was a corner store, Xie Lian was very good at doing his job. He was diligent, quick-witted to most issues and situations, and even managed to stop people from stealing on multiple occasions. The store’s business demographic may or may not have been affected by Xie Lian’s way of handling the situations. 

A few months earlier when Xie Lian still worked a later shift there was a group of rowdy teens that had entered the store. They wore oversized jackets with giant pockets, their intent was obvious from the get-go. They hovered over each other in the small ailes, looking cautiously at the front counter and at the back wall. They thought they were all clear when they emerged from the section of the store, but what they hadn’t noticed was Xie Lian washing the glass doors from the outside. He had seen the kids looking around and snickering with each other for quite some time before they decided to leave the store. But if there was one thing Xie Lian had learned from growing up with Feng Xin and Mu QIng, it was that if you play the aloof character despite already knowing the truth it will throw people off and dissolve their confidence in dishonest acts. 

So when they went to the exit and Xie Lian opened the door, pushing himself inside, he had asked if they were ready to check out. One of the teens was a much better liar than the others, but that didn’t stop the others from caving in at that innocent smile Xie Lian wore so well. He gave the appearance of such a gentle and frail man that most people couldn’t say no to him. If it wasn’t his appearance, it would have been his stubborn determination in asking them if they needed any help looking for something.

Once the rush was done it was almost time for Xie Lian to clock out of work. He still felt guilty for staying on his break too long despite the casual jokes that were thrown around between him and the younger, maybe a passing remark from a customer trying to make someone’s day better. When the store was mostly clear, Xie Lian began his ending shift procedure and spoke aloud to Pei Xiu.

“I’m sorry for going over my time today. I got distracted.”

“Hm?” Pei Xiu gave him a look. Not annoyed or angry, just… a strange look. Xie Lian couldn’t pinpoint what it could have meant. “You sounded like you were having a good conversation. You used to never talk on the phone before.”

The older one shook his head. “But that still doesn’t make it okay…”

“And I’m telling you it’s fine.” Pei Xiu smiled. “Now what’s their name?”

“Huh?” Xie Lian pretended to not hear what was asked. His ears turned red and his hands fumbled slightly when he counted his money drawer. 

“Oh, come on,” he laughed. “You can’t tease me about Banyue and ignore me when you’re acting the same way I did!” 

“But I’m not! San Lang is only a friend!” It was a borderline whine to get Pei Xiu off of his case, but it was a desperate attempt to keep himself from turning into a red vegetable.

“You mean that guy standing next to his car across the street?” Pei Xiu pointed past Xie Lian and through the window to a tall man leaning against a red convertible. 

Of course it was San Lang. Xie Lian should have told him to meet him at his house instead of here at his work. He was quickly learning how much of a ‘do it now’ means ‘do it now’ sort of person San Lang was, and as endearing as that was, wearing his coffee stained shirt and smelling overall bad in San Lang’s presence just made him feel embarrassed. 

San Lang met Xie Lian’s eyes through the glass and waved coolly with three fingers. There were a couple of women who were trying to get his attention, but it seemed like he could care less about them. Xie Lian couldn’t help sheepishly smile back.

“Lian-ge. I’ll believe you for now. But you should hurry up. It’s not nice to keep people waiting on you.” Pei Xiu teased. 

Xie Lian sighed and dropped his head in defeat. “Alright, I’m going now then.”

“Have fun on your date!” A customer had walked up to the counter. Xie Lian couldn’t deny the accusation before he left.

He carefully made his way across the street to meet tall man waiting for him. Upon entering San Lang’s immediate vicinity, his hand was taken and put against a cool forehead. San Lang must have had to bow over ninety degrees, but that was the least of Xie Lian’s worries at the moment. 

“S-San Lang!” Has a new red vegetable been discovered yet?

San Lang smiled up at him. “Yes, Gege?”

“We- Wha- what are you doing?”

He stood back up, not yet letting Xie Lian’s hand out of his gentle grasp. “Giving a proper greeting to someone who deserves it.”

Xie Lian shook his head quickly. “I’m hardly somebody who does!”

San Lang chuckled. “Nonsense. Gege deserves much more, actually. But let us hurry.”

San Lang walked backward leading Xie Lian to the passenger door of his convertible. Like the gentleman he was, he opened and closed the door for his guest and went to his own side. 

“If Gege doesn’t like the top down, please let me know.”

It was hard for Xie Lian to make eye contact with San Lang after the recent public display in front of his work. But also after how Little Pei teased him about having somebody new to talk to. San Lang really was too nice to him sometimes and was able to make him freak out in ways Qingxuan, Ming Yi or Yizhen could never. 

The car ride was, however, much faster than the bus. And it took almost no time for the two to make it to Xie Lian’s homey apartment. When San Lang dropped him off that one night it was rather hard to see the area, but now that it was day and you could see it much better, Xie Lian felt a wave of insecurity. True it was no abandoned warehouse with tons of space and magnificent pieces of art, but his apartment was really small and barely had enough room for him as it was. The last thing he wanted was-

“May I wait inside while Gege changes,” San Lang asked. 

“Sure!” He really needed to learn how to say no every once and a while. 

But it could have been worse; San Lang could have immediately dogged him for living in such conditions. After all, Xie Lian had only let a few people inside of his apartment, and by few it was mostly just Qingxuan. 

Thinking of Qingxuan, it had been some time since he had heard from them. He had messaged Ming Yi privately outside of the group chat a few days ago to see if they had heard from them. It took a few hours before he replied with, “They’re working themself to filth. Good now.” And then sent a photo with them cleaning up the trash in the house. One could assume this was an okay development. Xie Lian sent a quick text to Qingxuan to make sure everything was good. Hopefully they will answer this time. 

He walked over to his closet and pulled something casual out: blue jeans and a white long sleeve shirt. It wasn’t too cold, but it wasn’t that hot, either. He could always roll them up if he needed to. He grabbed his coffee stained clothes and put them in the bathroom sink he filled with water and some soap. Hopefully it would make getting the stain out easier, but he had a feeling that damn Monkey King was still laughing at him from somewhere. 

“Gege has a very lovely home.” San Lang was making small steps around the apartment, looking idly at plain walls and basic furniture. The kitchen fridge had a few things stuck to it. A small calendar, some photos, and a paper organizer on the side that held some old letters that seemed to have been aged and worn out from touch. 

“Ah, I suppose. But it does what it needs to for me.” He turned his head to be met with San Lang in close proximity to him. Well, mostly his shoulder. It’s one thing to know and see how tall somebody is, but it’s another when they’re right there. Xie Lian had to look almost straight up to look at San Lang’s face, but the eyepatch over his right eye and the hair parted in the same direction obstructed the view. 

Xie Lian’s phone dinged. Qingxuan had responded about fifteen minutes later than usual, but after not responding to anybody for a week, this was better. 

>”LianLian!”

>”I’m good now!”

>”Hang out today?”

Xie Lian walked back to the living room and looked back at San Lang. He never did tell Qingxuan about how his and San Lang’s friendship had developed over the last month. He didn’t want them to freak out and try to control what Xie Lian’s next move should be. San Lang could very well be just a weird guy, and attempting something further could possibly be the worst thing Xie Lian could do. But as much as he loved Qingxuan, it was very hard to tell San Lang he had to cancel for someone else. That would have filled him with endless guilt. Besides, he didn’t want to cancel this little trip now that he was halfway there. 

He was excited. 

“I’m sorry. I have plans :(“<

“If I could change them I would.”<

>”oh. Have fun! Get me a souvenir!”

He just hopes Qingxuan doesn’t overreact. They always acted like a lost puppy when their social needs are denied. 

“San Lang! Let’s go now!” He came up next to the taller man and gently pulled his arm towards the front door. He was smiling big and wide. 

-

It was a countryside drive. Open fields, farming fields, mountains and a few people riding horseback across the h paved road a bit further out from the main road. The weather was a lovely touch to the whole trip; with the convertible top down, the wind blew through both men’s hair. Only Xie Lian was playing passenger Princess and taking as many photos as he could on his phone. 

He didn’t really think to do this before when he took the train up this way, but the train windows also didn’t allow for a good viewing experience. 

“Oh, that’s so pretty!” He took a photo of a nearby river from above as they ascended one of the small mountains. The sunlight reflected off the crests of the waves, a kaleidoscope of colors mixed from the light's refraction. 

San Lang would look over occasionally at the excited man in his passenger seat. Wanting to be a considerate driver, he never kept his eyes off the road for too long. There was also the right side of his face interfering with him getting a clear view from his peripheral. Just knowing his Gege was enjoying the ride and taking in all the things he normally wouldn’t get to see in the city made him smile. 

Xie Lian relaxed back into his seat for a bit to look at some of the images he took. Some of them were really blurry and some had a bad focal point, but there were a couple that he really liked that he thought he took well. He looked over at San Lang, thinking about if he should show them to him once they stopped, but an impulse hit him. He opened his camera back up and took a couple shots of San Lang driving. His hair being blown by the wind, one hand on the steering wheel while the other rested on the gear shift. San Lang must have noticed because his smile grew just a bit wider, exposing his canines. 

And there was no denying that the way the muscles on San Lang’s face moved was something to ogle at. Some god must have kissed him when he was a child because there was no way someone should have features that well attuned to each other. 

Coming back to his senses, Xie Lian put his phone back into his lap, but he didn’t go back through his camera roll to look at the photos he took of San Lang. he couldn’t risk losing his cool in front of the man himself. Not while stuck in a moving vehicle with him, at least. 

The grin never left his face. “Could I see the photos Gege took along the way?”

Xie Lian fumbled with his phone, immediately locking and then unlocking it, to lock it back again. “Oh, uh. They’re really bad! I don’t think they’re worth really looking at.”

San Lang frowned at this. “I wouldn’t think that of Gege’s work. Is Gege certain he doesn’t want to share?”

“Mmhm!” He nodded hard once. He felt guilty about not wanting to show San Lang his photos, but he didn’t want San Lang to tell him a lie and say they were good images. Especially the ones of him. He would be teased for days if San Lang saw he kept those photos in his phone. 

San Lang pouted. “If that is what Gege wishes.”

Yeah. He felt kind of bad. 

San Lang pulled into a small parking lot that was just outside of the small village. It had a nice overlook of the valley and that same river Xie Lian had taken a photo of. He wondered how long they would be here, this spot would look gorgeous at sunset he was certain. 

“What is Gege thinking about?” San Lang appeared behind Xie Lian as he stood at the railing, looking out and lost in thought. 

“I was trying to imagine what this would look like at sunset. It’s a beautiful view.” He explained. 

He couldn’t see San Lang’s face, but he felt eyes on the top of his head. “It would, wouldn’t it?”

San Lang gently motioned Xie Lian to follow him towards the village. There was an unspoken insistence that he be on Xie Lian’s right side during their adventure. Xie Lian didn’t argue or try to rearrange them. 

Just like before, the village was quiet and serene. Few power lines ran through the area as water powered a large majority of the infrastructure around them. The air was clean and easy to breathe, the water was a crystal clear blue with no impurities. 

A large wooden bridge with large carved designs on the gate led the two into the main street. Kids were running around flying kites and eating sweets and adults were sitting around chatting with each other at local family restaurants. 

The village could be described in two parts: a lower and upper level. The lower level was where all the farming and irrigation took place as it began to get close and nestle into a shallow valley between two of the peaks. The upper level was more modern and had better infrastructure more like the suburbs. There was another part way in the back up a steep set of stone stairs that led to what looked to be a forest. People were coming to and from so it seemed to be either a walkway or a common hangout spot. 

“San Lang,” Xie Lian tugged on the other man’s sleeve and pointed toward the steps with his other hand. “We should go there!”

“It is whatever Gege wishes.”

San Lang let Xie Lian lead him through the streets, passing various locals and some tourists. There were some stalls along the way that we’re selling small trinkets and other homemade goods. Xie Lian looked over some of the items, inspecting each one with enthusiasm. San Lang tilted his head with curiosity, but more at Xie Lian and not what he was looking at. 

“Excuse me, how much is this one?” Xie Lian pointed at a small red beaded string with a small feather attached to it. 

The shop keeper walked over and held up five fingers. “Five.”

“I’ll take it!”

The keeper took the item off the display and put it in a small white box and then again in a small bag. Xie Lian was about to give the man a bill when San Lang rushed in front of him and had the man take his money instead. 

Xie Lian looked at the taller man incredulously. “San Lang!”

San Lang smiled at Xie Lian’s obvious flustering. “Hmmm?”

“I could have paid! It wasn’t expensive or anything!” He was a bit upset at San Lang for paying for him. He didn’t want San Lang to start paying for things he wanted while they were here or that they were out on an adventure that San Lang dragged him on. He sighed. 

The smile on San Lang’s face dropped quickly. Small panic flickered in his eye. “Have I upset you? I had no intention of making Gege upset.”

“No, I’m sorry.” He exhaled. “I just don’t want people to think they need to pay for the things I want when they’re with me. I might not make a whole lot of money, but that’s something I have to deal with when I get there.”

“I understand. I was ignorant. Forgive me.” San Lang bowed his head slightly as they continued to walk forward. 

“You don’t have to keep apologizing. I overreacted. I’m sorry.”

“But Gege, this one feels deep guilt now knowing I’ve done something wrong!” San Lang was playing again. Xie Lian caught on and tried his best to repress an oncoming smile. In the end he couldn’t help but smile goofily at San Lang’s playfulness. What could have been a much worse situation was easily diverted. 

 He was laughing by now, “Stop! You’re too much!”

“Whatever shall I do to obtain your forgiveness, Gege?” He was really playing it up now. Fawning over himself, exaggerating with the hand over the forehead. The head leaned over and a piercing eye looking right at Xie Lian’s half embarrassed, half amused face. 

It was always so hard to keep composure under the gaze that was San Lang’s. As a person, he seemed relaxed and carefree, goofy when he wanted to be. But it was the way he always presented himself confidently and coolly that made it so impossible to find the right words to say when his whole attention was directed at you. Xie Lian would Avery his gaze, even forcing his head to look forward sometimes, to regain his focus. What really didn’t help was the strange feeling Xie Lian would get in his chest and stomach every time he had a positive interaction with the artist. 

Once the duo made it to the top of the steps it was over. Xie Lian gaze was transfixed on what could only be described as a public garden nursery. Large trees and shrubs with blooming flowers with vivid colors surrounded the large walkway. Originally walking a steady pace, Xie Lian slowed down and began to take his time observing every individual flower. 

San Lang was, naturally, very close by. He would look at the flowers alongside his companion. Making a comment here and there about a fact he knew, but also about what sort of personality the flowers may have had based on their appearance. Even so, more time was spent with his eye on Xie Lian as he tilted his head and touched petals to get the best look possible. 

“How do you know so much?” Xie Lian idly asked. 

“What do you mean?”

“Flowers. Random facts. Anything, really?” He went and touched another flower. 

“Most of my early career was full of oil painting of flowers on canvas. Basic nature. Helps to know a thing or two about them so I don’t sound like an ass.” The artist laughed a bit at the end. 

Xie Lian looked at San Lang and smiled, humming an affirmation. He walked further down where there looked to be hanging Wisteria plants creating a natural enclosure towards another step of steps. He looked up and reached out to gently touch the ends of the plants. Serene and graceful as he did so, a flash came from behind him. He looked back in surprise. 

San Lang had his phone out and pointed in the others direction. He looked up from the screen and a small smile presented itself. “Gege can’t be the only one who gets to take pictures of people having fun.”

Xie Lian scratched his nose lightly. His voice came out small, “Was the flash necessary?”

San Lang’s smile broadened. “Forgot about it!”

Two two continued up the path for a while. The second set of stairs led to an unpaved road that led further up the mountain. An old sign was stuck into the ground urging all passerby to be courteous as this mountain houses a God of Old. 

Xie Lian initially wanted to turn back after reading this, deciding he’s had his fair experiences with the Gods, but San Lang encouraged him to continue. That they had already come this far. 

As they traveled down the path, slowly inclining, an uncomfortable feeling found its way to Xie Lian’s hand. it felt like it needed to do something, it was restless. Every so often he would bring it up to his chest and run his knuckles and fingers to try and soothe it, but the feeling would find itself there once again. And leaving them in his pockets while on an inclining path didn’t feel right, either. 

“Gege.” 

While rubbing one of his knuckles without having thought of it, San Lang had reached out and grabbed the hand gently, a hint of concern present in his gaze. 

Oh. That’s what it was.

Immediately his hand felt much more at ease and the restlessness had ceased altogether. Xie Lian flushed at the realization and his heart skipped a couple of beats. He couldn’t understand what was happening.

Having to forcibly bring his mind back to his body, Xie Lian shook his head. “It just started cramping a bit, that's all! Nothing serious!”

San Lang forward and took his hand fully. He began to run small circles and press and push into spots gently. Turning Xie Lian’s hand over to make sure he was getting every muscle and bone. 

“Even if Gege doesn’t think it’s serious, it’s still important to check on it. I would hate for Gege to develop arthritis early.”

First, San Lang’s hands swallowed Xie Lian’s in comparison. Looking at their extremities in such an intimate proximity made Xie Lian blush more. His hand may have felt less restless, but now it felt tingly and sensitive. He slowly pulled his hand away from the taller one.

“I-I think it’s, uh, fine now. Much better! Yep!” He tried to keep his face cool, but the smile was too tight and the eyes were too wide for his expression to be considered ‘calm’. 

On instinct alone, he went to make space between each other when his foot caught on a loose rock underneath him. If it weren’t for San Lang’s quick reflexes, Xie Lian would have been rolling down the mountainside until it flattened out. 

“Gege! Are you alright?!”

Nervous laughter, “Haha, yeah. I don’t think it’s in my cards to go visit the Gods today.”

San Lang quickly kneeled next to Xie Lian and quickly examined the leg he slipped on. There was a light dirt mark on his side, not deep enough to stain, but there would be discoloration until it could be properly washed. 

“Does it hurt anywhere?”

“No. I managed to catch myself with my thigh.” He motioned to the dirt streaks. “Besides, I’m used to falling on dirt like this. I'm fine.”

San Lang frowned again. “Gege should still be concerned about his own well-being even if he’s used to it.”

They looked at each other while they spoke. Xie Lian couldn’t disagree with his point. He should be more considerate of himself, but it’s not that simple. In the end he could only nod and say, “Alright.”

Just then San Lang pulled out his phone and stared at it for a minute before typing something. Once back in his pocket he stood and extended his hand for Xie Lian to take. 

San Lang smiled softly, “Shall we leave, then?”

There was just something about the way San Lang attended him. Something about the way he always made sure to make Xie Lian feel present in the moment. 

Xie Lian took the hand and let it guide him up. “Where to?”