Chapter Text
Today was a bad day for leonardo. He was overly stressed for no reason.
He woke up and just felt all sorts of wrong. It was cold in the lair, but the blue clad turtle ignored it. For some reason he always seemed to be more sensitive to the weather than his brothers. They loved the snow during the winter and always had fun during summer nights.
It was just a weakness, leo pushed it aside.
His brain felt flurry, he could think clearly but not about a particular thing. He was hyper aware of every feeling in his body. He could feel his blankets loosely around him like they werent meant to be there, the back of his neck itched, it felt like there was something on his foot, there was a dull ache in his shoulder from training yesterday. Everything felt wrong.
He could hear everything. His brothers were already up, which was wrong because leonardo was always the first one awake. It was an older brother thing.
The others werent being particularly loud but God he could hear them perfectly and it hurt his head. He could hear the rumble of the cars above as well as the water running through the sewer pipes.
On days like this leonardo would usually just lock himself in his room or the dojo, meditating or training depending on the feeling.
He had a feeling today that wouldnt work.
Not too long after he woke up, there was a knock at his door that made him flinch.
So it was one of those days. Super.
what the hell is wrong with me - leo thought
"leoooooooo are you awake?" it was mikey.
Of course it was mikey, hes probably the only one out of his brothers that wouldnt hesitate to bother him at any time of day or think twice that there might be a reason he wasnt around.
"y-yea mikey, ill be out in a minute!" he cursed himself for stuttering, trying to force his voice to be as loud as possible when in reality he was barely able to speak.
"alright bro just dont take too long cause raphies gonna eat all the food!" the orange clad turtle called out once more before footsteps led away from the door.
In reality leo really didnt want to eat. He knew he'd be able to hear himself and his family chewing the entire time. Someone would end up bickering and theyd get loud and shouty.
He didnt want food in his mouth, especially not any of mikeys cooking. He loves his brother and his cooking but it was always a slimy and soft concoction, and leonardo just couldnt handle that texture today.
Taking a deep breath, he tied up his mask and other 'clothing' items he wore as well as his katanas before making his way towards the kitchen.
"look whos finally awake, sleeping beauty over here" Raphael mocks from his spot at the table.
"hey leo howd you sleep? you're usually up before all of us" donatello asks curiously. Just a harmless question as a greeting, nothing more.
"fine. meditating in my room and lost track of time i guess" Leo forced out quietly.
He was lying of course, but no one noticed that specifically. Their worries werent eased though, their perfect older brother never lost track of time.
well except for those times - donnie thinks.
Those times where leos passed out from dehydration because he, mother hen you must stay healthy constantly worried about his brothers, forgot to drink water and hadnt had any in 2 days. Or all those times where he'll forgot to eat when he doesnt get reminded by his brothers sitting down for meals.
And why was leo meditating in his room this early in the morning anyways?
He hadnt been meditating and he hadnt slept well. He tossed and turned majority of the time he was trying to sleep.
The four semi-nocturnal sleep schedules were already messed up because they mostly went out during the night so they werent seen, but naturally they liked being awake during the day to hang out with april and casey. so sometimes it was a mix. They usually went out on patrol around 11pm, and stayed out for around 2 hours depending on whether it was a standard patrol or a set mission. They would usually try to be back at the lair before 4am and asleep before 6am.
"all cool bro! sit down i made you a plate. eggs and baconnnn with special ingredients! hint- they go on top of pizza!" mikey beamed excitedly as he hurried leo to sit in his usual spot where a plate was already placed and full.
It was scrambled eggs mixed with bacon, pepperoni and cheese. It didnt look horrible and raph and donnie were both eating and enjoying it.
It couldnt be too bad, he was sure it tasted fine.
Leo was right; the food tasted as good as expected, but he couldnt get over the slimy texture or way it sounded when he was chewing.
The younger brothers kept eating their food, occasional bickering that occasionaly got a little loud and startled leo out of his daydreams while he pushed his food around with his fork. He zoned out while trying to block out the chewing of food.
"-eo. leo! hello?" Leos head snapped up from his plate at the voice. Now all of his brothers were looking at him.
"i called out to you like four times dude" mikey grumbled overdramatically as if he was being ignored.
"sorry, whats up?" he half mumbled, trying to avoid eyecontact for too long. It made him uncomfortable sometimes, he always thought it was odd.
"you... you okay leo?" donnie asked warily.
He tried to sound non-accusing, knowing his big brother had a tendency to hide things like how he felt.
why cant i just be normal- look leo now they're worried about you! just be normal for once in your life.
"yea man you've hardly touched your food, if ya dont want it ill take it! mikeys cookin was actually good for once" raph interrupted dispite mikeys protests.
Leo pushed the plate towards the middle of the table, motioning for them to take whatever off his plate that they'd like.
Mikey and Raph started to fight over who got their big brothers food while leo just watched amused with a small smile.
"leo you know you've gotta eat. not hungry or something?" donnie asked softly.
The purple clad turtle was closer to the youngest of their brothers out of anyone, but leonardo and him had always had a special connection. They just understood eachother, and every now and then donnie noticed things about his older brother.
Things like what was happening today.
He had a theories about his brothers and their issues. Everyone was aware mikey had ADHD, and raph had his anger issues. Donnie himself believed he had mild OCD and anxiety. Leo definetly had some anxiety disorder, that much they were all sure of. But he couldnt help but think there was something else too it. It was hard to determine since leonardo was so secretive and always hid anything negative or difficult about his life- heck they all had pretty similar lives. Any time he tried to ask his brothers questions about his health he was immediately shut down.
Then again, he wasnt a trained psychologist.
Leo only nodded at the previous question and offered his reassuring "everythings okay" smile.
Donnie knew better, he couldnt shake the feeling something was up with his older brother.
The purple clad turtle decided to begin testing a theory hes had for a long time.
He began signing their turtle sign language they made up as kids.
'are you sure you're okay' he signed.
The turtle sign language, or Tsl like donatello like to call it, was something they made when they were kids and found out about Asl.
Mikey managed to learn majority of the basic phrases. Raph used to know, but now can only understand basic phrases and words and can barely sign them.
Leonardo and donatello were fluent in the made up language, as well as Asl. The oldest had always had a love for learning languages. He was fluent in Asl, Tsl, English and Japanese. He had pushed the thought that Tsl would be a good tool to have even if his brothers only understood the basics and forced himself to learn it perfectly, while the genius was the one who created the language in the first place so it made sense for him to know it off by heart.
'im fine don' leonardo signed back.
Donnie smiled at his brother and finished his breakfast. Inside his head his gears were turning.
Leo only uses Tsl when they're on a mission and need to communicate silently, or when he didnt want to talk. He'd never admit to not wanting to talk and usually force himself to mumble out a few words to prove it but sometimes he couldnt... was he going non-verbal?
His thought process was interrupted by his brothers leaving the table. Leo left the room without a word while mikey and raph went to the sink with all the plates.
"hey guys?" donnie got up from the table to take his plate the sink.
"whats up bro?" mikey answered while flicking water at a fuming raphael.
"did you notice leo acting different?" he continued. If they didnt he was going to explain why, but he wanted to see if he was the only one who noticed their older brothers mood.
"yea he got out of bed after us. that was weird cause mr perfect is always up first" raph answered with a concerned frown.
"and he went all quiet and funny. he didnt realise i was talking to him and barely ate my amazing food" mikey pouted.
"yea and now that i think about it he does this all the time. donnie whats up with him?" raph began to get frusterated. Was his brother hiding something from them?
"i honestly dont know" donnie sighed. He wished he had all the answers but he didnt.
"leo's gonna be fine dudes! its leooo. we've got patrol soon and im sure he'll be back to his normal big bro self" mikey beamed positively. He was sure his big brother would be okay.
The three soon left the kitchen, going to do their own thing until it was time to leave the lair.
-
"alright fearless what're we doing tonight?" raph called out from behind the leader.
The four were currently running across rooftops and leo really just wanted to go home. He wanted to go lay in his bed and hide from everything, maybe watch space heroes to make himself feel better.
"the purple dragons were planning to rob this warehouse, we go there and stop them then go home" leo replied as loudly as he could but the words came out just barely at a normal tone.
"okay guys this is the place" donnie stated when looking up from the map on his T-phone.
Now all they had to do was wait for the purple dragons to show up.