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Bruce Wayne had gone to a therapist just like everybody asked him to. Well, not everybody- only one person on account or the rest. A whole lot of his wayne enterprises underlings who were too afraid to say it to his face had Lucius pass on the request for him to have a work- ordered therapy evaluation. His sleeping in buissness meetings had apparently worried people about his mental health. Oh and also his many year long unexplained dissaperance after the death of his parents' murderer and whatnot.
And so in order to keep up his facade(and due to Alfreds nagging after he heard about the idea "it will be good for you master Bruce") he had gone, he didnt want anyone putting their noses where they didnt belong, and a 'mentally unwell' Bruce Wayne could cause higher ups looking more into what he was doing. He himself however, really didnt want to go. His privacy was already quite violated by being a celebrity. He told himself that it would only be a one time thing, just to get a slip about him being perfectly fine from the therapist so people would leave him alone. Bruce was already quite skilled in hiding stuff since well, he was the batman, so this would be a peace of cake. Or so he was convinced.
The therapist he chose to go to was one of Gotham's best - Dr. Jonathan Crane. He worked in a good clinic, that most rich people went to, as well as Arkham Asylum. Bruce found this interesting. Two very different places with very different people. He had to be experienced and put together - Bruce decided from reading his files. There was no way he wouldn't do proper research about who he'd be speaking to. Alfred had commented that he should mention that habit of his in therapy.
So here Bruce was in the clinics waiting room, about 8 minutes early and for some reason really anxious. Being this early for appointments didn't fit the bilionaire playboy Bruce Wayne persona, but he felt as though being late would cause a bad impression and he just wanted this to be over with, with as least problems as possible. He stared at a poster on the wall opposite of him, that said to take really deep breaths when panicking. Bruce tried. He inhaled as much air as he could but it wasn't helping him at all. His palms were sweating extensively as he obsessively checked his phone for any important messages. What if some catastrophy befell Gotham when he was there? Oh he should definetly cancel his appointment. Say something came up, maybe a meeting. He wiped his palms on his white trousers and looked at the clock. 4 more minutes till the appointment.
Why was he so worried? - he wondered. It wasnt as if he was that shy or anything. He started thinking over the worst-case scenarios. Was there any chance he might accidentally say something that could sell him out... He had to stay on high alert and watch out over every word. Or perhaps what if id't turn out that he was crazy, just like people said. He dressed up like a bat and fought crime for pete's sake. Maybe without even knowing about his late night antics, the doctor would deem him insane and he'd be sent to Arkham with all the maniacs he put there.. No! He shook his head at the worrysome thoughts plaguing his mind. Where were they coming from? He didn't usually think about stuff like that.
Deep breaths Bruce, deep breaths.
Just when he started mildly doubting his sanity, the door to the office opened and a really upset looking man left. He looked at Bruce whilst passing, the expression on his face was warning him of the terrors he would experience in the doctors office, like he was wordlessly saying 'now is your last chance to leave'. Bruce however, did not take the warning, and he felt he'd regret that. When he stood up, uneasiness rushed through his veins, which he instantly felt embarassed for. He was a grown man who had experienced way worse in life than going to a god forsaken therapy session! His body however, didnt share the thought and with every step he took towards the door it was like he was ignoring every single instinct he had, his head spinning with worry and stomache tightning from anxiety. Once he walked up to the doctors door, he knocked.
"Come in" a mans voice resonated from the inside. Bruce opened the door and looked inside. "Mr Wayne, i presume?" The doctor recieved a shy nod as an answer. "Please, enter, sit down." He spoke in a sweet voice. He looked just like on the file photo with well groomed hair and luminous cold blue eyes, visible behind rectangular glasses. Bruce did as instructed. He honestly felt like he would do anything this beautiful man asked him to at the moment. Dr Crane stared at him for a moment before continuing.
" Are you feeling alright, mr Wayne?"
"Huh?" What a straightfoward question - he thought, could he say yes and end the session now?
"You're looking awfully pale, here" Oh of course that was what the doctor meant. Dr Crane stood up and crossed the room. "Have some water." He passed Bruce a tall glass of water that was already full. Bruce grabbed it with a shaking, sweaty hand. He took a big gulp of the water that he didnt realise he needed, but the way it slid down his dry throat brought him so much relief. Dr Crane glanced at the clock after sitting on an armchair next to Bruce instead of infront of him, at his desk. Maybe to seem friendlier.
"Sorry i'm just a bit nervous." Bruce mustered out, his throat not painfully dry from stress anymore.
"It's okay. It is quite common to be afraid of new experiences. Now mr Wayne, what do you wish to talk about?" He asked with a polite smile.
Despite feeling a bit better now, Bruce didnt know what to talk about. He thought the doctor would take the lead. At the sight of his sheer dumbfoudedness, Dr Crane continued.
"Let me ask this differently, what brings you here?" Bruce took a deep sigh.
"My uh, coworkers seem to be worried about me and they think i should get assesed"
"And you, what do you think?"
"I think they should mind their own buissness." He said more hostilely than he wanted to. Instant regret waved upon him after saying those words and he tried to backtrack himself. "No, I mean. It's very kind of them to care, but seriously it is quite frankly none of their concern. It's not like I act like a lunatic.."
"Oh?" This seemed to have piqued Cranes interest. "You see mr Wayne, I also work in Arkham Asylam as a psychiatrist and well, many as you call them 'lunatics' are quite good at acting sane, they think they can hide who they are by an act, or a mask they put on. I can obviously tell- I have my methods-" the vague mention about methods for some reason made Bruces hair stand on end. He would have to look into the doctor's work at Arkham, because whatever he meant didn't sound good."-but, if I -obviously theoretically- let them out of Arkham- the sane acting ones. It would all be fine wouldnt it? Since they can be normal in the asylum, they would keep up the act in freedom and continue living as normal civilians. Right?"
"That sounds like a terrible idea." Bruce muttered after noticing the doctor was awaiting his input. "But there definetly have been people who were wrongly let out."
"Ha, not on my watch. Anyway I believe they would keep up the act for a little while, to not get sent back, but at some point they would go and kill somebody." He stared at Bruce almost accusingly.
Bruce stayed silent, not wanting to fall bait to whatever the doctor was trying to say.
"Hm?" Crane smiled, still waiting for his reaction. "Well in conclusion what im trying to say is that people act the way they do because of what they are expected to behave like by other people. Madmen will act sane to apeal to their doctors, and when there are no longer any doctors they are truly free to do what they want, without being judged, well even if they get landed back into the asylum soon after. Thats what true freedom is. Nobody to judge you. You act like the perfect role model and buisnessman for the masses. You- you have quite some expectations to fufill with your family name and your parents leaving behind such a legacy. You aren't free at all. Am I.. correct?" He put an annoying amount of emphasis on the last word as if he wanted to hear 'yes dr Crane oh you're so smart you see right through me!'
"No- Well, yes. I do have many eyes on me and so many expectations. But my legacy is not something I could just give up on it and leave. I've done that once before. My parents entrusted me with the wellbeing of Gotham and I must take care of it and it doesnt matter what i feel, or what 'act' i must put on as long as Gotham is safe." The doctor nodded along to what Bruce was saying, occasionally noting sonething down. Then, he glanced at the clock and upon registering the time, his cold eyes locked on Bruce like a predator observing their preys every move. Bruce continued speaking about his need to help gotham, when the dr interupted and instructed him to lie down on the couch.
"Tell me now Mr Wayne, what do you fear?" Crane asked after he settled down.
"Excuse me?" What did he mean? Why was he asking that?
"Close your eyes." Bruce did, on high alert. "And give in to fear. Let it overcome you and give up control." He was starting to feel a little dizzy, disconnected from his body and fully connected with the terror reigning in the inside of his mind. Like the only thing that existed now was fear and dr Cranes sweet voice, telling him exactly what to do. Telling him to describe just what he was imagining and seeing.
And what he could see were bats, so many bats - flying straight at him, hitting his face with their cold fast wings, the feeling of being paralyzed with fear, sitting at the bottom of the well he fell into. He couldnt tell if they were real or not but the feelling sparked another memory, and at that instant he knew he was falling down the rabbit hole of a sequence of bad memories that there was no return from. Once one was triggered- so were the rest. The next memory being the opera, the dancers, dressed in black with hideous bat ears on, doing tricks and climbing to mimic bats. He could basically feel the words he wishes he never said on his mouth, like he had only just said them seconds and not years ago 'can we go? Please?' Oh what he would give to not have said that. To have suffered just a bit more and get to the end of the preformance. And then he found himself in the alley. Paralyzed with fear once again and helpless against the man pointing a gun at them. Helplesly standing alone above scattered pearls and two corpses of the people he loved the most. Helpless. Helpless. Hel-
"Helplesness. Is that what you're afraid of the most?"
Dr Crane's voice cut through and he realised he must have been muttering and blabbering all this time.
"Or uh, the bats?" Crane chuckled "Oh dear you must hate the batman."
Despite the doctors jokes, Bruce was still in awful terror, reliving long gone trauma, bats still swarming his head and batting their wings against him. He mumbled out some pathetic "no no no"s as he tried to swat away the nonexistent bats untill someone grabbed his hands and forced then down to his lap. at some point during the attack of terror, he had sat up to not be as vulnerable. He was hyperventilating, not crying but unable to catch a proper breath.
"It's alright, Bruce. You're safe." He felt a warm hand on his cheek, then it moved to his shoulder. "You will get through this Bruce, it'll soon wear off." It then moved down to his own hands. The doctor held his hands on top of Bruce's, like he was shielding him. "Deep breaths, inhale with me... Now exhale."
Bruce was continuesly assaulted by the bats and kept squirming away from them. He couldn't hide his face like he wanted to, since his hands were being held down by the doctor's. But it felt nice- it felt grounding, but there was something besides that, something to the doctor's touch. He breathed like instructed but it wasn't quite enough.
"Please.. please" he whispered in a broken voice, already a bit embarassed of what he wanted to ask.
"What is it?"
"Please touch me."
The doctor didnt respond, he did however get up and sit next to bruce, on the same sofa. Then he put a hand to Bruce's chest and examined his pounding heartbeat. After a moment, he retrieved his hand and wrapped his arms around Bruce's massive torso, with one hand on the back of his head, messing with his hair a little.
"Shh now, now." Crane comforted. Despite all the trauma he was reliving and all the fear he felt, this was actually quite pleasent. The way the man's slender fingers played with his hair made him shiver. "It'll pass." The doctor reassured.
And just like he said, it did pass. Slowly but surely Bruce stopped feeling and seeing all that he did earlier, however he was still being held tight and comforted by the doctor. He honestly didn't want to be let go. His breathing steadied.
" How do you feel now?" Dr Crane had noticed he calmed down and stopped hugging him. When he took himself off Bruce, so did he seem to take off all of the warmth. He was so cold now, he wished the doctor would hug him again.
"Better"
"Excellent" his icy blue eyes didnt come down from Bruces face for even a moment.
"Doctor.." he had to ask. "What was all that?" It was all so peculiar, he noticed, now that he could actually form cohearent thoughts.
"You had a panic attack triggered by the thought of your fears it seems. You see Bruce, fear is nothing inherently bad, you just can't let it consume you." Dr Crane smiled at his own words, he must've have found something funny within then, something only he noticed or knew.
He got up from next to Bruce, making him feel even colder, and walked to his desk.
" You seem to be agitated, it could be because of work. I recommend you take a break, maybe go on a short vacation, romance a few women." The doctor chuckled. "You know, relax. You'll feel way better and people will stop worrying if you take care of yourself."
"Thank you, doctor."
"Oh and Bruce?"
"Hm?"
"Come back again if the uhh bats keep tormenting you, or if you just want to." He might've winked. Bruce wasn't sure if he had imagined that or if it actually happened. He didn't really trust his eyes at the moment.
"One more thing." Crane added after Bruce stood up and was ready to leave. "Here. Take these." He put a two small objects into Bruce's palm. A orange lollipop and a brave patient sticker with an image of a smiling jack o' lantern on it. Bruce laughed. "Also you might want to hold your breath on your way out through the waiting room. Theres a uh.. renovation going on. God knows whats in the air." He casted another wicked smile, aware of how bad of a lie that was.
"Huh, alright. Goodbye Doctor Crane."
"See you soon mr Wayne."