Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Sorry, let me just…fuck, ok hold on”

Blitz ran over to the driver side of his van, the Work Van, the Sometimes-You-Need-To-Sleep-At-Work Van, the I’m-Not-Bothering-Going-To-Your-Place-But-I-Do-Have-A-Van-With-A-Backseat Van. He fumbled with the keys, dropping them once, unlocked the door, and immediately started hurling items from the passenger side to the backseat. Beer cans, cigarette cases, entire wardrobes of clothing, all of it flying to the rear of the van, causing a tremendous clanking and clattering noise not unnoticed by Stolas. 

Stolas chuckled softly as he walked closer to the van.

“Blitz, you don’t need to go through all of this for me, it’s not the first time I’ve been in your van”

“Yeah well, fuck, well, it’s the (grunt) first time we’re going (toss) more than twenty miles within city limits”, Blitz grumbled out, “and this isn’t for you. Anyone who sits side saddle for this long doesn’t deserve a fuckin Diet Nope up their cooter for 2 hours”

Blitz exhaled, looking over his masterwork of last-minute cleanliness. It was…ok.

He wasn’t sure why he was so concerned for Stolas’ comfort anyway. Like he said, he’d do this for anyone who agreed to climb into this monstrosity. It was a daily battle between imp and trash, clearing the rear seats of dirty laundry way for Mille and Moxxie on workdays, making sure food crumbs didn’t get stuck in Loonie’s fur- going so far out of his way to offer to vacuum her fur from any offending crumbs, which never went well. 

So yeah, normal amount of clean. Normal amount of energy spent doing it. Nothing out of the ordinary.

…

Shit why didn’t I take this thing through a damn vacuum car wash or whatever before it was time to go, it was right there on the way, I pass it literally every single time I come over here, all “hey don’t use our vacuums unless you pay for the car wash” those fuckin fascists

“Blitz?”

Blitz blinked himself back into the conscious realm, looking through the driverside window to see a semi-concerned Stolas tilting his head to meet his gaze. 

Right, the door. Ok, this was something he could do. He just needed to unlock the passenger door. 

The door that had to be unlocked from the inside.

Ok.

Ok.

Blitz opened the driverside door and knelt down on the seat, leaning towards the passenger lock. At the exact moment he unlocked the door he realized he was kneeling directly on his keys.

Fuckin oW

He hissed inwardly and fell down face-first onto the passenger seat, groaning.

Stolas opened the door and lifted Blitz’s head up gently, his hand warm on the imp’s cheek.

“Satan, don’t hurt yourself on my account”, he laughed softly, slightly chiding, but with a gentle dad-like concern. “Are you alright?”

Blitz froze again for a moment, giving Stolas a once-over that, in reality, probably lasted a full calendar second.

Very rarely had the owl been in anything approaching civilian clothing. To be fair, Blitz had only seen him fully clothed or n-

Nope not the time to think about that. 

Stolas was dressed today in straight leg black corduroy pants and a white zip up turtleneck. Not sure what material. Looked soft.

Hand head hand hands on my head hands on my face hand face face pretty hands oh no hand Head HANDS

“Uh, YEP”, Blitz finally coughed up, jumping backwards and hitting his horns against the roof as he landed in the driver’s seat. “Knee, keys, wasn’t looking”

Head hands head 

In a swift move, looking straight ahead, he plunged the keys into the ignition and the van roared to life. 

“OKAY” Blitz commanded as Stolas eased his way into the passenger seat. “Show is in three hours. Takes about two total to get from the city to the place-”

“The temple” Stolas reminded, buckling in.

“-the temple, which gives us an hour wiggle room for gas and food and shit. We might could get to the doors just in time if we don’t fuck around, and that all depends on you. And your tendency to fuck around”

Blitz pointed a semi-accusatory claw at Stolas, who tittered from this sudden burst of authority coming from a man who changes his jeans maybe once a month. 

[You’re not supposed to clean jeans all the time, Stolas remembered being lectured one full-mooned evening, fucks with the, with the fabrics and softness and whatnot. 

He never forgot Blitz immediately after putting one foot into the wrong jean leg and falling down. The strained “graugh” echoing in his brain long after like the world’s stupidest song.]

“Ok, Mister Big Van”, Stolas said, arms up in a faux-defensive manner. “I promise there will be zero fucking around without written and notorized permission”

“Damn right you’ll notarize it” Blitz said under his breath, backing the van up. “Never been late for anything in my life-”

“-actually, literally , not true”

“-and I don’t intend to start now”

Blitz pulled down his sunglasses from the little holder thing under the rearview mirror and slapped them on his face. 

In a gruff voice he muttered, intense eyes towards his passenger, “let’s motor”.

Stolas was immediately broken, guffawing and leaning back into the chair. The van vroomed slowly onto the street.

Ok good, laughing at jokes, not talking about anything remotely deep or important right now. Doing good old man. 

The trip began. A couple hours on the way to a recital in a fancy old Goetian temple. It would be fine. 

Get out of the house, hang out with the bird, get dinner with the bird’s kid after the show, we go home, I fall asleep in my own filth, go to work tomorrow. Normal friend things being done here yessir. 

It had been three months since Ozzie’s. Two since they spoke again. It was never brought up, why even bring it up? It was a Thing that happened and then more things happened after that. Just a bad night, who cares.

Talking restarted…slowly. 

Think of a text exchange suddenly running dry out of nowhere. Basically becoming a No Man’s Land of zero communication. When you have two people absolutely petrified of addressing anything, bad blood, bad nights, good nights, good..blood?, that’s when it slowly dawns on one of them that a move had to be made to repair a bridge or it would never get done. 

So for a month Blitz and Stolas made an unofficial silent agreement to not be the one who budged, assuming the other would.

And this plan worked perfectly. No effort wasted from either party. Just peaceful reflection and lots of definitely not crying. 

Until Stolas’ phone beeped one morning.

It was around 7AM, the owl was barely awake, but the notification bell and the name belonging to it sobered him quickly.

Blitzy: teh red 

And that was it, the whole text. “Teh red” 

Stolas froze, a million thoughts and possibilities flying through his head instantaneously, trying to decipher this cryptic message, trying to see the hidden meani-

Blitzy: asugh sory was for mils 

Ok, Stolas thought, I either ignore this or reply. Either way he’s already seen I’ve seen it. I don’t risk anything not replying, but on the other hand…

…this technically was him budging first. 

Stolas: No problem! 

Perfect. Bland, simple. He could go back to sleep and think about this later. 

Bing

Nope. Stolas shot back up as awake from before. It had been about thirty minutes since he had replied to Blitz. 

Blitzy: its ok was tellin mil which plug 2w get fo r mox 

100 percnt the one 2 shut him up the most haha

A goofy smile grew slowly over Stolas’ mouth. 

Stolas: You might need to tell her to make it bigger then. Haha

One minute passed.

Blitzy: lmao they dnt make em that big 

The rest of the day went pretty silently. Via out in the garden attempting basic spells. Moving rocks. A third cup of coffee. 

Around 6pm Stolas’ phone beeped again.

Blitzy: heyh so this is realdly dumb but i was think ing about you 2dya and i mis talkkung to you a svbbitt and we dnt haseve to fukc bc i sdont wanna but like you can text me whenever its finwe i heard asbt the r divorce and yuo can txt me just to txt or whstever 

Stolas was used to Blitz’s textmanship by now, learning how to spot the lines of logic through what he could only assume were words pounded out hastily. 

It didn’t stop him from reading the message a good twenty times before replying. 

Stolas: Thank you, Blitz. It’s been…hard but I appreciate you offering your support right now. 

A minute passed. 

Blitzy: yeah liked i said its no big deal

Blitzy: so what r you doing 

Stolas: Well I was going to watch something on television but there doesn’t seem to be anything on.

Good, keep the conversation light. 

Blitzy: aint bene anything on all week i think everyone at tv land died

And suddenly No Man’s Land was active once more. Firing re-commenced on both sides. It was a kind of casual communication heretofore unknown between the two; terrible dad jokes, venting about paperwork, why isn’t This bloodstain coming off of This particular fabric. Light conversation turning deeper, it had honestly never happened before with them. It was friendly, it was sometimes flirty, but that’s their comfort zone talking. It meant nothing, the occasional compliment, the rare dirty joke, the stories of bad sex. Nothing deeper than friends talking about Things Friends Talk About. 

Good. 

This went on for about a week before Stolas stuck his courage right in the courage place and called Blitz up one afternoon 

Three rings. Usually the industry standard giving-up point. Halfway through ring four Blitz answered. 

“...hey”, Blitz answered, in an uncharacteristically low volume, like he was using his voice for the first time. 

“Hello”, Stolas responded in a voice missing much of his lilt. 

Silence, then a cough, neither party remembering who coughed. 

Ok it’s just his stupid pretty voice, you’ve heard it a thousand times, just fuckin-

“Sup”, Blitz burped out, attempting aloof and definitely not nervous.

“I just…”, 

Stolas had to think fast, he had to think thoughts, he had to think actual thoughts that weren’t directly spawned from any deeper feelings other than friendship.

“...missed talking to you. Over the phone. With uhrm…voices?”

Nailed it, great job. 

“I did too”, Blitz responded a little too quickly. “I’m sorry I didn’t, uh, call sooner? Whatever sooner would be? I don’t know.”

“No! It’s quite fine. You’re fine. It’s fine, Blitz”

Blitz. Ok we’re using the actual name here, he’s not gonna try anything, you can just pick up from where- 

“So uh did you end up finding that the uh, the shirt you couldn’t find”

This sweet idiot, Stolas thought, he was giving him an out from an awkward reintroduction.

“Uh, yes.” Stolas said, lost in thought. He snapped to. 

“Yes! It’s in shambles, but I found it under the couch. Covered in dust and Milo had devoured the collar Satan knows when. So…a pyrrhic victory but a mystery solved nonetheless”

Milo, the plant. Pyrrhic? Oh right, talking. 

“I thought that thing only ate bugs, how in fuck did it develop a taste for polyester?” 

“Honestly I am as shocked as you are considering the state of the house lately. I’m falling into old habits and Via is usually the one telling me to pick up after myself”

“You’re the dad, she can’t do that, that’s illegal” Blitz’s grin could be heard through the phone.

“I know!”,Stolas hooted. “But she’s right, there’s more cups and bowls that are my responsibility than she’s ever left around the house.”

Blitz grunted, adjusting his office chair with a small squeak in the background. 

“So you have two options here, you either make a cleaning list for yourself that you won’t follow because making a list for yourself is a fool’s game, or you burn the place down, find a new castle or whatever. These are your only choices here, Stol, think carefully”

“Wh-why don’t I just hire you lot to come over here and set everything aflame and we just say it was a gas leak?” Stolas sputtered through restrained laughter. 

“We’re absolutely not in the arson game anymore unless a body can end up in the fire, so maybe just crack open some cheap-ass fireworks and go to town. New identity, get a mustache, new name. Your new name is Greg”

“You’ve always been the best at naming things”

“We’ve been over this, Stapler works on multiple levels for a bitchin’ horse name”

“Sir-”

Blitz frowned and spun his chair back to the staff meeting- that he himself called- that he was now avoiding.

“Mox, I’m not re-litigating this shit with you”, he spat at Moxxie, “Stapler is a tough as nails name disguised as a cutesy one. She gets things DONE around here, what have YOU done lately?”

“Blitz we’re literally in a meeting to discuss the budget for next month”, Moxxie said, pinching his forehead. “We really only need your input on the plastic explosives and we can all leave”

“Hun, be patient. I don’t think he’s talked to the prince in a while”, Millie attempting conflict diffusion. 

“These idiots haven’t stopped texting for a week! This was coming whether we wanted it or not.” Loona yelled from her desk across the room, attempting conflict exasperation. 

“Everyone shut it and let me finish this call!” Blitz shouted.

“Ahem, Stolas can we please talk about your insurance fraud later when I don’t have literally my ENTIRE STAFF wasting time telling me how to use a phone properly”

“Of course, dar-”

Shit.

“Yes ofcourseblitz” Stolas babbled out. “I’ll um, just call me when you’re free. No, ah, no rush”

“Yes. Yes I will, ok bye” Blitz responded a bit robotically, not emotionally ready to process what almost happened. He hung up. 

Stolas spent the next five minutes screaming into a defenseless pillow.

“Oh I was so careful, dammit” he whispered harshly. “Shit shit shit sh-”

Ping

Much in the same way one would pull back a blanket at a morgue, Stolas picked up his phone, holding it back from his sight for a minute before peeking at its message. 

Blitzy: hey ur fine, old habits right? Ill call l8r, mox bein g a ginat bitch 

All tension left Stolas’ wiry frame as he slowly sank to the floor, leaning against the bed. He held a hand to his heart, his breathing slowing.

“It’s ok, it’s ok” he repeated to himself. “I’m fine, it’s fine, we’re fine, it’s fine”

He repeated this mantra a handful more times before responding. 

Stolas: You be nice to him. :c 

Blitzy: fuck you he’s wrong abt stapler

Chapter Text

What was that album cover with the two people in the car, one of them smoking a cigarette, “something something stole my sister’s boyfriend, it was all whirlwind, heat and flash”. 

That was what was currently happening in the stable at Millie’s folks’ ranch. 

This was back in the days where the Arrangement was The Arrangement and it was all transactional. A business had to be kept going, people depended on Blitz for money. Food and shelter, etc. As the boss he needed to keep his employees’ interests at top priority before all else.

What are those nerds going to do, form a union? There’s only four of us and they all need my stupid van to get to work. Talk about leverage. 

All of these thoughts and more filled Blitz’s head, intentional or otherwise, as Stolas rode him like a stolen bike in the largest hay pile in the stable.

He was not going to last long and thoughts of baseball and nude relatives went out the wheelhouse long ago. Thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of soft down against his hips and claws, the texture of hay providing a sort of waterbed consistency as he and Stolas moved together, and the goddamn sounds. 

The sounds. 

If the goal was to remain incognito during all of this fuck-making it was a goal Stolas had long since abandoned. As he rocked gently, then not-so-gently, then proceeded to bounce and grind slowly on Blitz the sounds that emanated were enough to put most farm roosters out of the alarm clock business. 

And the sounds, coupled with words of praise long replacing the stunted dirty talk of the early days, were not helping. 

“Oh, Blitz, ah, oh my sweet boy, ahhh, you feel incredible, just like that, ohhh, you fuck me just wonderfully, darling”

Blitz was in deep concentration as not to give up the ghost too early. Grocery lists, discarded horse names, every single punt to the nuts gifted to him by his adopted daughter, that snake Striker who nearly cost him everything. His business, his friends, Sto-

“Hey”

The rocking stopped. 

Blitz had an arm over his eyes in an attempt to keep himself in his brain, away from his occupied body. He felt the arm being pulled away slowly. 

“Blitz, are you here?” Stolas panted out, stroking Blitz’s face gingerly. The words came out in a hoarse whisper. “Hey…hey, are you here with me right now?”

Blitz opened his eyes finally. 

He looked up at four dimly glowing red eyes surrounded by matted feathers, connected to a body Blitz was currently inside of , and a face of gentle worry. 

Blitz felt pitiful underneath the weight of this idiot who had the nerve to be, on top of ridiculously good looking, concerned for his bedroom-mental space. He shifted his weight, earning a gentle yelp from Stolas. 

“...m’fine” Blitz eventually whispered, attempting to look away. 

“ Hey, look at me”

Stolas lifted the imp’s chin up to meet his gaze, never looking away. 

The height difference had its advantages. For one, direct eye contact was pretty much impossible in a casual setting. It would always be one looking down on the other, something Blitz was used to, regardless of who was doing the looking.

This was different. It was…hard to meet halfway. But he kept staring. His breath slowing to a gentle crawl, his eyes desperately wanting to close because, hey, it was easier to not look at something than it was to look at something. 

Stolas exhaled as he slid himself off from Blitz and lowered himself to his side.

“Talk to me”, Stolas said, “You haven’t said one thing to me since the festival ended and even during sex you’re usually more communicative than this. So what’s on your mind, darling?”

Some asshole with a cool horse and a big gun almost killed you in front of everybody and it would have been my fault for not stopping him in time and i don’t know why I would feel the level of guilt I would because this was only supposed to be a casual thing for the book and we’ve really only spoken outside of the arrangement a few times and

“I can’t…”, Blitz muttered, words coming out like being pushed through a fine sieve. “You…”

Stolas looked on patiently, a neutral expression on his face. Unreadable. Nothing to take in, making what came out next harder to say. 

“You…almost died today”, Blitz croaked out, eyes darting to his hay-mate’s hands. “And it would have been m- our fault for letting it happen”

Stolas hummed, nodding. A sort of go on look on his face. Room to talk at whatever pace he needed. 

“That Striker guy,” Blitz continued, “he was hired by someone, I don’t know who. He had a big fuckin…one of those angel guns Mox is always going on about. Blessed shit. He was going to take you out when you were cursing the fields.”

His speech grew slower, as if this was the most thought he had put into his words in a very long time. This 100% would have been easier had they not immediately been fucking beforehand. It would have been easier as a text. 

“We stopped him from taking the shot but…he got away at the last minute. I was looking for him all the place…I ended up in here…that’s why I was digging through hay and shit, I don’t know.”

Stolas took one of Blitz’s hands.

“Well,” the bird said too calmly, “I’m pretty sure I don’t have any gaping wounds that I already don’t know about”

Bitz bit back a laugh, “Gross”

“I’m here, right here. Not dead. And yes you let him get away but…”

Stolas absentmindedly picked some straw off from the imp’s horns.

“...you took care of it. You saved my life”

Aaaaaa, nope, not chasing that. 

“I mean, yeah, whatever” Blitz said, turning his back to Stolas. “We wouldn’t have the book, would have to either go back to killing other people in hell or close up shop. It was the smart thing to do…to keep you safe”

Stolas hooted, disregarding the sudden shift in mood, and snaked his arms around Blitz, pressing his chest to his back. 

“Oh of course, you have to think of your employees, Blitzy. Oh where would they be without you,” Stolas started with the overdramatic whispers, “ risking life and limb and ass and cock for the good of the cooommmmpannyyyyy”

He had already cheated death once, why not risk it all. Stolas began tickling Blitz at full force.

“Aaa! No! Ahhh fuckin aughh you fuckin diiick” Blitz sputtered out, attempting to force a frown.

“You saaaaaved my liiiiife, my heeeerooo”, Stolas tittered in mock-reverance, continuing his onslaught.

“I (gasp) will fuckin throw your t-twig ass (ahahhah) in a fuckin pit, I know where (ahH!) all the good ones areee!!!”

Blitz used his tail to help snake some distance between the two and he flipped himself on top of the bird, pinning his talons down to the bed.

Stolas continued laughing in spite of, or because of, Blitz frowning with real fire in his eyes. He slipped his hands out of the grip and reached up to the imp’s cheeks, giving them a pinch.

“I,” he said between gasps, “am never going to let you forget this”. He had a mad, toothy grin on his stupid, pretty face. 

Blitz put his head in his hands, starting to actually get frustrated. “Oh my satan I have a gun five feet away in my pants, I will use it, I will make it look like a suicide, and I am taking that book”

“Ha, come on.” Stolas said, gripping one of Blitz’s hands. “You’re not going to make a gun-in-my-pants joke and let me let you get away with it, are you?”

“Never my intent, dear bitch”

“Pfffffhahah, well why don’t you show me your intent then?”

Blitz sighed, growling slightly before abruptly pushing his hand firmly against the royalty’s blessed cunt. 

“My intent is to get at least one of us to shut up enough so I can finish you off” he said, leaning closer to the now blissfully squirming Goetian’s face.

“Yes, yes please, I think I’d like th-”

Words failed. It wasn’t silence that followed but it was loud enough to block anymore unwanted traveling thoughts. No faux-condescension, no breathless confessions. Just sounds made from meat against meat. Instinctual. Natural. 

They never brought it up again. 

“So how does this thing tonight work?” Blitz said, mouth half full of the chips whose bag was nestled in his lap. He honked at a pedestrian, as was his right, as a citizen of Hell. 

They were about an hour into their three hour trip to some ritzy Goetian temple. The first snack-and-piss stop had been made and they were making good time. 

“It’s a recital. Via has been practicing for it all month,” Stolas said mid-gulp of the admittedly fine gas station iced coffee they had picked up. “You’ve probably heard her tinkering away at the same, oh, few chord progressions over and over”

“And why couldn’t you just portal up there and save me $40 in gas?” Blitz made a grabbing motion for the iced coffee, technically his, but the bird needed some waking up. 

“ Because I thought it’d be fun. I don’t think we’ve ever been on a trip this long together, and frankly spending time with you helps me prepare for the abysmal ritual of being in a room full of people who probably think I’m a disgrace”

“Probably?”

“...Definitely”

“Doesn’t that bother you? Follow up question, do I need to hang out in the van for this whole thing?”

There was a beat of silence.

“I would love for you to accompany me to the recital, Blitz” Stolas eventually said, looking to the distance. “And…honestly the crowd will be made up of mostly other parents too concerned for their child hitting the wrong notes in public to make, as you’d say, a big fucking stink over me showing up with an imp in tow”

“Coffee”

“Sorry”

Blitz swigged down nearly half the contents in one gulp. They drove silently for a few minutes. Stolas humming to himself, looking out the window.

“So…I forget, what does she play?” Blitz eventually said.

“You know it’s the harp. You’ve seen her with it before.”

“I didn’t know that was a fuckin thing she was practicing at. Thought it was, i don’t know, a hobby you bluebloods do. Like, uh, polo? Eugenics?”

That got a snorting laugh from Stolas.

“She’s been practicing off and on since she was about ten. It was her mother’s idea, to give her something to do that was seen as-”

Stolas puffed up his feathers and lowered his drawl.

“ -dignified and worthy of the Goetian name. Not something ghastly like the piano, too many keys”

Blitz let out a loud “HA”

“There’s no way that bitch said ‘too many keys’”

“I swear on all unholy beasts, ‘too many keys’. As if the harp doesn’t have too many strings? I think she grew up on old stories about how the opulent ought to behave at dinner parties”

“You’re one to talk about old stories, old boy ” Blitz chuckled, imitating Stolas’ posh voice maybe a little too well. 

“I’ll have you know my library is only stocked with the classics”, Stolas said, flicking one of Blitz’s horns, “which you’d know if you spent any time reading a single book in there”

“Oh I’ve read plenty there. Imps In The Sheets, Big Asses 13, Daddy Long Legs…”

“Only one of those is real!”

“I’m aware!”

Their laughter subsided eventually. 

“...It was Big Asses 12, they hadn’t published 13 yet”, Stolas hooted, attempting to keep the bit going.

“You know which one I was referring to”, Blitz responded flatly, tapping his claws on the wheel as he waited endlessly to make a left on red. 

Maybe not the best thing to say? From either of them? Either way the van seemed to have been instantly vacuum sealed from the sudden lack of oxygen. Stolas blushed a deep crimson. 

“I..erm”

“Stol, I’m just giving you shit, you should know better by now that’s all I’m doing. It was a thing that happened and now we’re past it. We’ve moved on. And it’s fine.”

Yep! All of those things I just said are true! 

“Yes, of course, you’re right,” Stolas said, coughing to regain composure. “Sorry”

“Literally nothing to apologize for. Do you know what she’s playing tonight?”

“Pardon?”

“Your daughter? With the harp? At the thing?”

“Oh! Some Earth piece. I think it's recent? Someone’s accompanying her on vocals, I think a friend of hers she met through Sinstagram.”

“You sure this friend is on the up-and-up?”

“I’ve met them a handful of times this past week while they were practicing,” Stolas said, digging through his seemingly bottomless tote for a pen and notebook. “I couldn’t hear much but it sounded…pleasant?”

“I can do pleasant. I can do pleasant out the ass, I can take pleasant to the highest cliff and throw it down, declaring myself the most pleasant son of a bitch in Hell”

“If anyone ever could I’m sure it’d be you, Blitz”

Probably meant as a snide joke, it didn’t stop a small darker shade of red from appearing on the imp’s face. Conversation slowed to a crawl, Stolas doodling and jutting down names of signs and storefronts they would occasionally pass. Blitz switching between radio stations with every other song ( “ nah not what i’m feeling, none of this Steely Dan bullshit, I need Road Tunes”). 

“Cum-And-Go, Pork Hole, Pork Hole 2” Stolas muttered to himself as the signs for the respective eateries- at least they seemed like eateries- whizzed by.

“Every sign? You’re going to do this with every sign?”

“I can stop”

“...I mean, I can see them too”

“I can stop, Blitz”

“...you’re fine”

A beat.

“Shoe Pit, Wind Hole, what is a Wind Hole?”

“You know I see those things popping up everywhere and I have no fucking clue what they’re supposed to be?”

“You’ve never looked inside?”, Stolas started doodling different ideas for Earthen Retro signage for Wind Hole, or The Wind Hole, or Wind Hole Plaza. 

“Tinted windows, all of them. We had to meet a client at one of them and he wouldn’t let us inside.”

“How illegal do you think The Wind Hole is?”

“Are you implying that the chain of what-ever-they-are called Wind Hole is a front for something… nefarious???” , Blitz quipped leaning his head towards Stolas with an eyebrow wiggle. 

“Pfffahah, watch the road you fool”

They arrived at the temple a bit behind schedule, some pee breaks took longer than others, some altercations over cigarette prices went on for far too long. But they made it. Blitz backed his van into the parking space, wedged between two expensive looking cars. His collar got hot, what was he doing at this stuck-up nightmare festival. There’s no way there would be any other imps at the event, ones not serving drinks and tiny sandwiches. His van already stuck out like a sore thumb and the ticket taker in front of the lot had already given it and its various bumper stickers (“I Br8ke For Horse”, “My Piss Your Face”, the Spirit logo in a death metal font) a frowning once-over. 

“Are you ready?” Stolas asked, slinging his tote over his shoulder, feigning casual. 

“As I’ll ever be. Which is never” Blitz said, taking a huge swig of his fourth iced coffee, now turned to a warm sludge, aka The Peak. 

“Hey, you won’t have to deal with anything here you don’t want to”, Stolas reminded him. “Being part of this family has its perks sometimes, and one of those perks includes getting to shout at each other in defense of a friend”

“I’m honestly now looking forward to that”, the imp replied, hopping from the seat to the pavement.

“Well that makes one of us”

The temple was old. That was the first thing Blitz could think of. It reminded him of the churches he would occasionally zip by while chasing a sinner down topside. This one was tall, old, smelled like one thousand cigarettes being smoked at once, stained glass windows depicting scenes of Goetian royalty and their Grand Exploits. Ah colonization. Something to be remembered always. 

“These rooms need to be bigger” Blitz whispered harshly as he and the bird walked through the largest hallway this side of Pride.

Stolas stifled a hoot.

“Easily could get lost in these halls”

They entered the ballroom. A large open area with folding chairs sitting in front of a large stage, long tables showcasing baked goods, coffee from fancy decanters, sandwich plates. Weirdly low-key for a place like this.  littered with various instruments surrounding a grand piano. Guitars, electric and acoustic, horn cases, xylophones, harps in large protective cases. 

There was one harp case that caught Blitz’s eye even from what felt like a mile away from the stage. He would recognize that logo from anywhere, the IMP logo, stuck to the side surrounded by other little stickers. Blitz recalled giving Via a handful of the IMP stickers after the Loo-Loo Land fiasco as a sort of, I don’t know, apology gift?

Sorry for almost getting you killed, sorry for blowing up the theme park, sorry for fucking your dad and throwing your whole home into chaos, here’s a damn promo sticker for my business. What was I thinking?

[“Yeah we just had these printed up, been digging into the viral marketing thing the kids seem to be into these days. Kids still like stickers and shit right?”]

He remembered Via scoffing but accepting the sticker nonetheless, saying she’d find a place for it, “maybe the toilet”. 

“That’s no toilet” Blitz grinned though half lidded eyes.

“What’s a toilet?” 

“There is no toilet”

“Why did you bring up a toilet, do you need a toilet?”

“No, Stolas, I don’t need a toilet ”

Too loud. 

Avian heads swung around sharply, looking down at the toilet-talking Imp.

Ah yes, this is familiar. 

Blitz leaned into it. 

“I don’t need a toilet right now, I might later!” he snarled. The heads swung away, their point made and properly rebutted against.

There was a small hoot from Stolas, and a familiar one further down the hall.

“Dad!”

Octavia ran up and swung her arms around Stolas’ neck, pulling him into a huge hug. Stolas looked shocked for a split second from the surprise and then tightened the hug.

“Oh, darling, I’m so excited to see you perform tonight” he said, rustling her hair, uncharactaristically without a hat covering it.

She groaned, straightening it back down to the best of her ability. She was dressed in a black suit top and red tie, with a long green skirt and boots.

“It’s going to be such a mess”, she said, “we didn’t have much time to go over it and it’s going to sound so crappy”

“It’ll sound wonderful, Via, you’ve worked so hard on it, you’ve filled our house with beautiful notes for months now”

“ Dad”

Stolas caught himself. “Oh! I’m sorry” He whispered. “I’ll tone it down .”

“No, you’re fine, just, I’m nervous and …oh.”

Hers and Blitz’s eyes finally met. Their expressions matching perfectly: panic and annihilation. 

“Hey, Via” Blitz said after what felt like a lifetime.

“Hey…you”

“Blitz”

“Right the silent O that isn’t there”

“Right”

Another long pause. 

“You two came together?”

“Yeah, we uh (cough) drove up in my van from the city. Big ‘ol road trip! Snacks and..uh..eh…yeah”

Stolas butted in.

“Let me go get some coffee or something!” he said, mid dash. “You two get reacquainted!”

“But…” both Via and Blitz stuttered out, too late.

Blitz kicked at the ground, making a “well THIS is happening” kind of face. Mild bashfulness. Via wasn’t having any of it.

“Okay, what is this”, she finally asked.

“What’s what”

She waved her hands around the air. “ This. What are you doing here with my dad?”

“Honestly I don’t fucking know?” The act was dropped. “I have no clue why he didn’t want to just portal up here but he said he wanted to take a trip, see the sights, spend some time together-”

“Gross”

“NOT like that. It hasn’t been Like That in a while so just spare me the teenage grossout talk”

“What do you mean”

“I mean, I’m here as your dad’s friend, and as, uh, a patron of the arts?”

“You know it’s a free show right?”

“A connoisseur-”

“Ok, just stop”, Via was now visibly exhausted from this conversation, coupled with her nerves. “I honestly don’t care why you’re here or what kind of game this is, just…don’t fuck with my dad tonight. The last thing he needs is someone leading him on right now”

“...there’s no..augh, there’s no leading on. I mean it. It’s fine between us. He knows where we are, I know where we are.”

“And where are you?”

Shit. 

“We are…here, at this big, ritzy cave waiting to see some squirts croak out some moldy oldies. And based off what I’ve heard from your old man on the way up here i’m being promised something spectacular, so don’t skimp on the spectacle, missy”

Via held back a small laugh.

“Ok, ok, no need to get all detective talk on me. It’s fine you’re here”

“...thanks?”

Stolas came back, visibly shaken, coffee cup also shaking.

“Alright! Let’s go to our seats, I think everything is going to start soon” he said, smile attempting to hide his shaking voice. 

“Everything ok, dad”

“Yes, quite alright. Just…hoo, this coffee, it’s hitting pretty hard!”

All three of them stood in silence. Then the lights began to dim and a chime rang out, signaling the beginning of the show. Blitz and Stolas made their way to their chairs, Stolas notically not…himself? Whatever that looked like. It looked like he was suddenly balancing a bag of bowling balls on his back.

Blitz leaned over. “You good?”

“Stella is here”

Blitz went wide-eyed and started looking around, eyes darting.

“Where is she?”

“Near the back, don’t look. She’s there.”

Blitz absolutely did look, and did see Stella sitting next to some peacock of a man. Maybe a peacock? Without the overly-colorful feathers? What were these people anyway?

“Who’s the twink to the right of her?”

“Her brother, Andrealphus.”

“Well he looks like her brother. Same bitch face.”

Stolas couldn’t move or respond.

“ Hey ”

Blitz grabbed Stolas’ hand, earning a soft blush from the bird.

“She can’t touch you if I’m here. She’s not going to make a big fuckin stink at her daughter’s big night. She’s too stuck up for any of that.”

“How I wish you were right”

“Well if I’m not then we bolt and I key her bitch car”

Stolas hooted once and whispered, patting Blitz’s hand, “I’ll be fine, Blitz. Let’s just…stare dead ahead and focus on the show”

Blitz silently removed his hand from his grip maybe a bit too quickly for both of their liking. The lights went down.

Oh right, 

A recital

Oh god a recital. 

Chapter Text

"Sir, what the hell was that?"

Blitz swiveled his chair around, then back around when he realized he had swiveled too hard and needed to overcorrect. He grabbed the edges of the desk to balance himself. Moxxie was standing in front of the desk looking normally irritated. This would be an easy "fuck off, Mox, I am busy with [Thing]" exchange. 

"That what? That smell of annoying nerd in the office?", Blitz snapped. "Because we just fumigated last week and I've been worried some kind of critter is dead in the walls. Could be that. Ok bye" 

vrrt went the swivel back around. Too fast, Blitz was thrown from the chair to the ground. 

"Please get me a new, not fucked chair if you want some busy work, Mox"

"Your chair is fine, we just bought it and we bought it with the special Extra Oily Swivel Features so, once again, this is your doing"

"And once again, you're annoying me and not getting me or fixing a chair, what do you want"

"Wh-y-, you interrupted a meeting at the last possible moment before we could leave so you could flirt with the prince and talk about your horse that doesn't even exist!"

A huge gasp from Blitz eked out. 

"How dare you" Blitz croaked. "First of all I have nothing to prove regarding my horses. They are perfect and wonderful regardless of proof of existence! I've got my thing, you've got your stupid, your stupid fuckin...the lady on the podium who fucked her way to the top"

"Ok, sir, it's called Evita and it is much more complicated than her sleeping her way into power. She was a poor girl who dreamed of living the high life of Buenos Aire-wait, no, you're deflecting! I'm not here to argue Webber semantics with you. You took a frivolous phone call with the prince at a time when we just needed to buckle down and finish something."

"Can I ask you what is so frivolous about keeping a business relationship intact for the good of, let's see, the people I pay to be here?"

"I'm sorry, Blitz, but that whatever-it-was was not a business call"

Blitz was getting stuck. There's no way to dig up no matter how hard he tried. And he had tried. Only thing to do was to dig deeper into the dirt until the offending colors and shadows before him just got tired and left. It had worked before. It was a foolproof plan. 

"Well...maybe if you and Mils wouldn't stop getting all, fuckin, frivolous with each other at work we could actually get things done quicker!"

Moxxie, having been on the ass-end of this conversation more times than he could count had started to anticipate his marriage getting brought up as cannonfodder for this perpetually emotionally damaged boss of his to throw back in his face. For what reasons he could easily glean from the ways Blitz would harp on about Stolas post-missions, complaints and insults that revealed too much intimate information between the two of them. Things you really only pick up on when you're in an actual relationship. "He always smells. Like, not bad, but there's just a fuckin' smell every time he shows up. And it's not just his castle, that's more of a sandalwood. Also fuck that guy for putting candle names in my head, there's some actually important information getting shoved out. And another thing about why I definitely can't stand that tall idiot-"

And so on.

At this point, Moxxie wasn't having any of it. And he was willing to be mean if it meant both ending this conversation and maybe helping his boss stop making an ass of himself to the detriment of the company. 

"Well at least when Millie and I act frivolous at work we still want to talk to each other after the fact!"

Ok maybe not that mean. 

Two things could happen now; 
1. Blitz throws the previously offending office chair at Moxxie's head and he would either be concussed or dodge it completely. 
2. Blitz escalates his anger to the point of possibly threatening his and Millie's employment. It would be an empty threat but it would feel pointed and personal enough to resonate throughout the weekend and further into next week. 

Instead neither of those things happened. 

What happened was this; 

Blitz looked down at his desk, silently. The anger in his posture seemed to dissipate and he began to slouch further and further until 

whump

it hit the desk. Flat. Muffled groaning ensued. Then more groaning. And more.

"Sir?"

A sudden burst in groaning volume. Like Frankenstein being smothered.

"Sir, I'm sorry, I actually...didn't know that would...hit you like that?"

"nns'fine" came the prolonged response. 

There was nothing in either imp's personal wheelhouse for dealing with this situation properly. 

Moxxie lugged a chair over to sit next to his incapacitated boss. He hesitantly lifted a hand over Blitz's shoulder area before eventually lightly patting it. 

"dontfugginpatchronizeme" Blitz moaned into the plywood. 

"Sir, sit up" 

"no"

Moxxie grabbed Blitz by the back of the head and pulled it up. He flicked off some paperclips and lint balls stuck to his boss' face.

"You need to talk to him," he said. 

"Didn't you just come in here saying that talking to him is unprofessional or something? And on that note-"

whump

"let me be with the table"

Moxxie pulled Blitz's head up once more. 

"I mean actually talk to him about anything other than extended bits and old timey banter. I mean actually tell him how you feel about not talking for so long"

Blitz kicked at the ground, propelling him and his chair to the other side of the room, immediately losing balance and crashing to the floor. 

"Are you being literal with this deflection or do you just want to not talk to anyone at all about this?" Moxxie said, refusing to get up to help. 

"A secret third thing" Blitz said, dusting his jacket. "It involves you leaving my office and getting me coffee and we just not bring up that feathered goof-ass ever again, ever, as long as both of us are alive and in this office. Problem solved for everyone."

"I don't think that's going to work"

"And why not?"

"You still owe me coffee from yesterday"

Blitz's wallet flew into Moxxie's face. 

"Coffee, now, leave."

Moxxie sighed, knowing this wasn't getting any further. He got up and made his way to the door but stopped himself before leaving. 

"You know this can go one of two ways, right?"

"Yeah it opens and closes, both ways, like you. And your grandma", Blitz snapped, pushing his office chair back to the desk. 

"You know what I'm talking about. You either be honest with yourself or see where being silent takes you"

Nothing from Blitz. 

"I won't bother you again, but please for the sake of the company just try and set a good example for us all while we're on the clock?"

"It's all I ever do for you guys, Mox. Mr. Shining Light"

Moxxie sighed and left the office, closing the door. Blitz's office chair immediately collapsed into thirty distinct pieces, each more improbably un-fixable than the last. 

"Great" Blitz said to nobody. "Now I just live on the floor"

"Thank you, Bertrund, that was a very energetic performance for the tuba"

The recital was going as recitals go. Imagine a room full of people, an audience, one or two performers for every two-or-so audience members, and nobody wants to be there whatsoever. The air in the temple was warm and still. The kind of warm humidity that causes rubber to sweat and flake off. The kind that only happens when hundreds of people are crammed into the same space for a long period of time. 

It had been about an hour since it all began. Goetian child after child performing their pieces like deer already run down by the headlights they thought were their new, glowing friends. Blitz had a hard time reconciling being this bored but also having the energy to sternly, psychically sending "you better not fuck up" to their children's minds. 

All but one. 

Stolas observed each performer with the same amount of interest; clapping politely at the end of each tune, making soft "oh" noises when certain melodies hit his brain the right way, giving sympathetic smiles when certain melodies fell flat. He himself being in this position years ago. The trombone. He could barely lift the thing, let alone make anything pleasant come out of it. His father spoke to him less than usual, which is saying something considering how often his father asked for the boy's name. To the boy. 

"hey", Blitz whispered, leaning next to Stolas without breaking eye contact with the stage, now having an Eldritch hymn being tortured out of a piano by a young bird trying their goddamn best up there. 

"Hm?" Stolas replied, also keeping their eyes forward. 

"What's the rules here? Do we stay through it all after Via or can we vamoose when she's done?"

"Unfortunately I have to show my face at the post-recital something or other. It won't be more than me popping in and out but we have to stay here."

"Woof"

"It's not terrible, Blitz"

"No but it's worse seeing them fuckin struggle up there. Don't they have enough shit going on in their-"

"SHHH" came someone behind them, kicking Blitz's chair lightly. 

"Oh go kick yourself buddy" Blitz harshly whispered. 

"That's my kid" came the husky reply. 

"Then why don't you focus on not starting a dad fight in the middle of their big number, headass"

A low, angry trill came from the older owl. "Noisy imp", he attempted to say under his breath. 

Oh I am not blowing whatever hate-wad I got bubbling up right now on this random jerk. 

Blitz straightened himself out, facing forward once again. 

"Don't get him too riled up, Blitz" Stolas whispered. "I think he owns the land this temple is built on"

"Well tell him to mow the fuckin lawns" Blitz replied, earning a small laugh from Stolas who patted Blitz's leg. 

"Shhh" he said, "I think Via is next". 

The elderly peacock who had spent the entire evening walking up and down the three steps leading to the stage introducing the performances had thrown a curveball into her act. She stumbled on step two but immediately regained composure. 

"Next up," she spoke into the too-hot microphone, "we have Octavia from the Ars Goetia and her companion..." she looked down at her notes "Kee-ree-ay, performing a..." down at the notes again, "piece from...Earth" 

There was a small rumble in the crowd. Music from Earth hadn't been common in this temple. Not necessarily forbidden but not sought after either. 

Octavia ran up onto the stage and quickly unzipped her harp bag, revealing a medium-sized harp, black and grey. Kyrie, a shorter owl with glasses and an arm cast on their left arm walked over to where the mic stand was and fumbled with its height, having it slam down onto the stage a couple times before getting to the right level. 

The crowd was silent. 
Actually, the crowd was silent save for two dads making the biggest asses of themselves in recent memory. 

"Starfire! That's my daughter!" Stolas whispered from his seat but the kind of whisper where you want everyone to hear. 

"Hell yeah, sweetie, that suit looks bitchin!" Blitz flat out yelled, standing on top of his seat. "You got this!" 

A much louder rumble from the crowd. 

Via had no hat to hide behind tonight, she put a hand over her eyes for a moment and grumbled, then mouthing "yes yes I see you". She looked over to Kyrie whose mother was giving them the biggest thumbs up on the planet. Talons up? It was a sign of approval. 

Via gave Kyrie a "you ready?" look and the piece began, harp and voice beginning simultaneously. 

"I found a little plot of land
In the Garden of Eden
It was dirt and dirt is all the same
I tilled it with my two hands
And I called it my very own
There was no-one to dispute my claim"

Kyrie's voice was shaking near the start, finding its footing as the song progressed. Via played gently, the ornate progression ringing out throughout the halls. 

It was a strange song. For starters what was a hellborn Goetia doing singing about Gardens of Edens, having dinner parties at said garden, paying for it themselves? St. George and the dragon? It was blasphemy. And why was the daughter of high royalty only functioning as an accompanist, plucking on harp strings like a spider with six legs. 

These were all thoughts flooding through the minds of many in the audience. Stella was fuming in the back of the crowd. She and Andrealphus slipped out of the audience, embarrassed to be seen around such careless performing. 

The removal of her mother from the crowd both threw Via for a loop but added a small amount of comfort. One less pair of eyes judging. 

For his part, Stolas spent the better half of the first fifteen seconds of the song not bawling his eyes out. Second eight hit and he was done. He smiled softly as tears continued to pour from all four eyes. He fumbled for the tissues in his tote, dabbing his eyes. 

Blitz was...transfixed. He had pulled his legs to his chest in the chair about a minute through the performance and set his head on his knees, his eyes darting back and forth between Via and Kyrie. Not the kind of music he would be caught dead listening to whatsoever. Can't drive to it. Can't fuck to it. Probably shouldn't fuck to it. It wasn't sad enough to go on any kind of Cry Forever playlist. 

But it hit him. This simple song of friendship and verboten spirituality. He absentmindedly, still in hunched ball form, leaned against Stolas' arm, not breaking concentration with the stage. Stolas tensed up for a split second

and leaned back. 

The song ended. Polite, if scattered applause. 

And howling. Focused howling, chased with violent applause. 

Stolas was on his feet, Blitz standing in his seat. Kyrie's mother also whooping triumphantly. There was many a "way to go, sweetie" and "i'm so proud of you" from both parties. 

"Yass, bitch, support that kid!" Blitz hollered at Kyrie's mom, shooting finger guns. She shot them right back. 

Cool fucking mom. 

Blitz gave up. The chair would not repair properly. Yelling at the broken chunks wouldn't help. Crying wasn't helping either. All options had been exhausted. He would simply have to brave the chasm of not-being and being and order a new chair. 

He walked out of his office. Millie was finishing up paperwork on the couch, her tail twitching as she leaned closer into her paper-covered lap. 

"Glasses could help" Blitz said, walking by to the coffee on the adjacent table. 

"Kick in the face would solve all our problems" Millie retorted, half-playful, half focused. 

"Might could, might could. Mox bolt?"

"Yeah, had to run a couple of errands around town before we all head out for the weekend. Just crushin' some paperwork. Does this count as overtime?"

"Ehhhhhhhhhhhh, I'll talk to the boss about it"

"Pff, you better. Hey...did Mox talk to you about the meeting yet?"

Both ends. It comes from both ends of the M&M double-edged guilt dildo. 

"He attempted to but I think I made my point". This wasn't fair. Coffee was within reach. It was the one cup in the to-go container. It was calling out to him. 

"Well let me help make ours then"

A pen came flying through the air, clunking Blitz between the eyes. 

"Don't belittle my husband for trying to help you", Millie said, calmly re-ordering the papers in her hands. "You're welcome to spend time with us when we want you there but you need to just talk to the prince about all of this. At this point I don't even care if you two are doing anything romantic. You need to not be messing with anyone else's business, B. We're not always going to be ready and able to drop everything and entertain you-"

"I'm not a child" Blitz grumbled, rubbing at his temple. 

"Then quit acting like such a brawling, bawling little one and sack the fuck up. Get a hobby. Get out of town. If it isn't with the prince try and get Loona to go along, or just get some alone time. But I'm worried about you. We are worried about you. All of us." 

The air was as dry as Blitz's throat. He struggled for a retort, an insult, a goof, a pun, literally any medium of deflection. 

"You know, maybe if your hubby led with the projectiles he could get the point across easier", he finally choked out. 

"We have our own ways of dealing with these things. It's what keeps us going. I think you need to figure out your own way to deal with whatever it is that's goin' on between you and the prince? Because hun I think we're running out of patience for you two to just get your shit together"

A buzz on Millie's hip ended the conversation. 

"Phew, Mox is outside. You about ready to go?" Millie beamed, as if the last few minutes never happened. Quick to bounce back, this one. 

Or maybe just selflessly giving Blitz an out because hey it's the weekend. 

"Y-yeah, lemme grab my shit" Blitz grabbed his coffee and made a beeline for his office, flicking off lights, watering the lemon tree, locking doors. 

"Time to hit the fuckin bricks, Loonie!", he hollered back to an outline of Loona who had already dashed to the elevator. "Daddy's got a date with a pizza and literally nothing else!"

"Let's go, let's go, c'monnn, I've got shit to not do this weekend", Loona growled, hand hovering menacingly over the "Door Close" button. 

They exited the building, Millie jumping into Moxxie's arms and planting the wettest one on his forehead. Blitz rolled his eyes and got into the van. 

"C'mon, chucklefucks, get in, we have a long hour of barely moving to get through" Blitz said, starting the van up and unlocking the doors. He grabbed his coffee from the cupholder and pulled it up to his lips, only now glancing on the sharpie'd name on the cup. 

staypler

...

Moxxie walked by the driverside window to get into the van. 

"Hey, Mox" Blitz said, patting his head as Moxxie walked by. "Tell the coffee jerks to put some respect on that name and spell it right next time"

"Of course, Blitz", Moxxie said, smiling, climbing into the van. 

The van pulled out of the lot, the engines revved, and the IMP team immediately pulled into 5pm rush-hour traffic. 

"YEAH BUDDY LET'S FUCKIN DO THIS", Blitz screeched, slamming a tape into the player. Distorted and warbling trucker country blared out of the speakers. It was going to be a very long hour.

There were a couple of performers left still to go in the recital. The air started to crowd up the senses but the energy at least from one chunk of the audience was still palpable. If no one else was gonna psych these doomed children up as they plodded through ancient hymns and safer musical theatre tunes, the two dads in the sixth row belted enough praise for the entire ring. 

"Nice form, Albert!" Stolas cheered on as Albert stumbled offstage, flute and music stand under his arm. 

Blitz put two fingers in his mouth and blew. 

"Pfffffff, I can't whistle! Great job, kid! Showed the flute who blows who!" 

Eventually it was over. Two hours with no breaks had passed, scattered applause rang through the halls. Throughout the evening Blitz's huddling form stayed leaning against Stolas' arm. It had gone unspoken between the two of them, like it was just one of those things that happen. Like the occasional reciprocating pressure from Stolas leaning back, meeting the imp halfway. 

He was good at that, despite everything. 

"Blitz?"

"Hm"

"The show's over"

"Hm!" Blitz stretched out and cracked his neck. "For a bunch of wealthy, ancient beings you'd think these assholes would spring for something better than hard plastic and a half-inch of asbestos."

"No question" Stolas said, also pushing his arms into the air, pulling one behind his head. "The Goetia are not...entirely...(oof)...accommodating for most other sizes. Or species."

They relaxed back in the chairs, silent. Still leaning up against each other. 

Arm warm feathers arm hand

"I have to pee", Blitz blurted out, skittering away from the chair. "seeyououtside".
He ran towards the nearest door that read the most like "There's A Bathroom In Here". Stolas stood up, winced from the back strain, and made his way toward the open bar. 

"Bad chairs and no paper towels, I feel like the walls are gonna be made of styrofoam" Blitz muttered to nobody, kicking a wall. "Ah, nope, painful stone"

He rubbed his hands together, searching the crowd for the usually-easily-spottable 7ft owl that seemed to have disappeared. 

Outside, you idiot.

Oh that's right

Blitz made his way out, did a quick fumble for his keys, and heard some very loud arguing from around the corner. Blitz made the very wise decision to not make his way toward the courtyard out back from where the noise was coming from. 

And then he walked toward the courtyard out back where the noise was coming from because he was not going to miss this. 

"...absolute embarrassment on top of you showing your face here in front of nearly the entire group of elders!", came the first, suddenly more audible squawk.

"Since when is it an embarrassment to show support for my daughter's talent? It's more than you've done for her at nearly every other occasion in her life" Stolas bit back, not an insubstantial amount of liquid courage backing him up. 

Goddammit ok I guess we're doing This now.

Blitz came upon the scene. Stolas, Stella and Andreaphalus in a bickering triangle in the courtyard, rehashing a new variation of older arguments. Felt like the short version of classic bits: "Stolas Is A Disgrace", "Stella Isn't A Good Mother", "Andy Agrees With Her Sister", and everyone's favorite "You Fucked Something Lower Class Than Us". Blitz was wise to let these things peter out on their own, one party leaving in a huff, this happening in public meaning things couldn't get terribly ugly. He saw a jungle gym on a patch of mulch, one of those horses with a spring on the bottom, and Octavia sitting on a bench next to the horse staring daggers into her phone. 

The decision to get on the horse was as necessary and instant as it was to check up on Stolas' kid. 

"There's always these weird playgrounds up topside," Blitz said to Via, upping himself onto the horse. "Next to churches? They're always there and I see literally no one ever on them. Seems like a huge fuckin' waste of plastic and hard metal"

"hmm" Via responded. 

The rusty spring keeping the horse up squeaked terribly under the weight of Blitz. An imp but an adult one. 

"...You were really great up there" Blitz finally said. Via looked up at him. 

"I mean I wouldn't be caught dead rifling through whatever the folks who own this place call trash, but...damn, kid you've got skills here."

"...thanks" Via said, meaning it. "I was a little rusty, I hadn't really played harp in a while. Like a long while"

Blitz was struggling trying to find purchase on the horse ride made for children. 

"What made you- fuck- what made you want to pick it back up again?" Blitz asked, giving up and sitting on the mulch. The wet mulch. 

Via sighed. 

"Kyrie was playing some Earth music they were making a playlist of. That song came up and it just felt sort of...I don't know. It's a silly song but it felt kind of...cool? To sing in front of those people? All the Heaven and Eden stuff. I knew they wouldn't stop us from playing it because of...Dad but it still felt...did you ever do anything like that when you were younger?"

Instantly memories flooded back to Blitz of nearly every "Watch This"-style circus routine he had come up with in order to keep crowds entertained. Every bike stunt. Every spoiled milk drank for playground bets. Every horrible lay, every good lay. Every single thing set on fire at any point of his life including just this morning when he ceremoniously burnt his broken office chair behind the building and took selfies around the pyre. 

"A bit." Blitz responded. "Here's a spoiler alert, young teen, you never grow out of doing that kind of stuff once you get the taste for it."

"Fff, 'young teen'?"

"Moderation is the key in any addiction. Knowing your limits, testing them, but never pushing past them. But it is an addiction. Once you get your first positive reinforcement from being a huge asshole you never go back"

Via laughed. "Is it worth it?"

"Oh absolutely fucking not are you kidding me" 

Via laughed more. Brownie points were being earned. 

"You know, it's cool that you came. That you gave Dad a ride here. He absolutely could have just portaled here and back. He meant it when he said he wanted to spend time with you...He's happy you're both talking again"

"OK what gives, first I'm getting the shovel talk and now you're actively wanting me to get intimate with your pops. Pick a mood and stick with it"

"Ewww, come on", she kicked mulch at Blitz. 

A familiar purple light shone through Blitz's periphery. He saw Andrealphus wave a snotty "ta-ta" to Stolas and walk through. Stella remained. 

"Well aren't you going with him back to whatever hole in the ground you two are lurking around these days?" Stolas spat out. 

"Coincidentally, I also have an imp driving me around. Only I didn't have to stoop so low to hire mine" Stella retorted. 

"Hey"

Stolas and Stella looked down to see Blitz standing, looking impatient and huffy. Modus operandi. 

"You wanna know what kind of sick, depraved shit your husband had to do to get me to drive him around Pride with the windows down and the worst music you can imagine blaring out the goddamn windows?"

Stolas blushed hard, looking seriously hollowed out with worry as to what was to come. 

"He fucking asked me and bought me a damn coffee" Blitz said, "and then, OH YOU'LL HATE THIS, he offered to split the gas with me"

Stella rolled her eyes and stomped toward the parking lot. 

"Yeah come back anytime honey!" Blitz yelled in her direction. "If you want some really fucked up shit, he made me throw out my trash! He's really good at that!"

He looked back up at Stolas. 

The bird looked...fucked. His face was crimson-tinged, either embarrassment or bourbon. His turtleneck unzipped, his plumage spilling out. He was panting slightly like he had just run a marathon. 

"Hey, Stol, you good?" Blitz asked, lifting up his tail to wave in Stolas' face. 

In a swift motion, Stolas turned on his heel and opened up a portal near Via. He walked over, said some last minute words of love and encouragement, hugged his daughter goodnight and saw her through to her room on the other side of the portal. She waved and smiled at Blitz as she passed through. Blitz waved back, nervously. 

Fuckin shit he's going to kill me

Stolas walked back out, closing the portal. He walked up to and past Blitz toward the parking lot. 

"Let's go" he said, slightly dazed. 

Oh he's going to actually yell at me and kill me

Blitz followed Stolas back to the van. Most of the lot had completely emptied. Lot lanterns shown, illuminating bits of rust, cracks in the windows, scratch marks. Blitz walked to the driverside, pulled out his keys

and Stolas was suddenly behind him. 

"I had that handled, Blitz" a stern voice said in a low volume. 

Oh he's going to run me OVER

Blitz turned to face Stolas and looked up at his tired, blinking eyes. Eyes that didn't match the tone of his voice or the rigidity of his posture, but matched perfectly with the slight warble in his gait. The imp couldn't get a read on him whatsoever. 

"I...I know" Blitz stuttered. "I just, I wanted you to get out of there. I wanted us to get out of there. And I didn't want your kid to...hear..anymorewhat are you doing"

Stolas was leaning down, balancing himself against the wall of the van. He nuzzled Blitz's neck and cooed. 

"You..would be so good for her" he whispered. "You're such a kind soul, I knew you were. I don't know how...how I could've handled this day without you"

This wasn't entirely unwelcome behavior. All the same, Blitz froze up, his hands straight down his sides. 

"S-Stolas, c'mon you're drunk and it's...it's been a l-long day, your face is very soft and you know it is you asshole cut it out"

"You're so sweet, Blitzy"

There it was. 

Stolas placed gentle kisses up Blit'z neck, up to his chin- 

oh

-and captured the imp's lips in a slow, drunken motion. 

Blitz was frozen for about five seconds, each lasting an eon. The wheelhouse in his brain spun rapidly, attempting to play out a hundred different scenarios at once. Outcomes based on instinct, experience, immediate want and immediate need. While all of this was happening Blitz pressed back into Stolas' embrace, returning the kiss and running a hand through the bird's feathered head.

"my impish little plaything"

The voice rang darker and bloodier in Blitz's memories than its original output, when Stolas had rescued his team from the black tie kooks on Earth. Even in the act of going full feral, possession, demonic...was this all he was to him? Just a distraction from his own problems? Something to have fun with and throw away when he finally decided to grow up? 

Then why did he say that Blitz would be “so good for her”? Octavia? What did he mean by that?

All good questions, but Blitz was distracted by what was currently happening to his current face area. His eyes snapped open. Blitz made grabby motions for the car door handle. He yanked it open but fell backwards into the chair, sideways. Stolas leaned down and started rubbing his legs.

"I-I want to make you...I want to thank you for toni-" Stolas began moaning softly, losing more control of his smart word talking abilities. “I want to make you feel good , li-like you deserve to-”

Blitz could not stand it anymore. He really tried to be gentle when he kicked his legs at Stolas to kick him off. It probably didn't help that they were in a parking lot, which are usually made of tarmac. Stolas went back onto the ground, hard. He cried out an "ahhhhhh fuck" in a way that definitely wasn't becoming of royalty. Blitz stayed in the van and let Stolas hiss and groan in pain for a few moments as he collected his thoughts.

"Stol, are you hurt?" Blitz called out after a minute.

"Gloriously, tragically, magnanimously-" Stolas dramatically eked out from the tarmac.

"I mean your head, bodily are you in pain"

"Just-just the wind kicked out of me..." His speech was softer, sadder.

Blitz hopped up from the chair and helped his...person he came with up on his feet. He unlocked the back door and helped Stolas lay back on the back seats. Blitz closed the van doors, slapped his face around a bit, and made his way to the driverside. He hopped in and started the van.

"Whe-where are we going, dar-" Stolas started. 

"None of that" Blitz cut off. "Taking you back home. Get some rest"

"Did I do something wrong..."

Blitz didn't reply for a minute.

"You probably hit your limit on the bourbon and you...you didn't do anything...wrong, you just got drunk. Just relax."

"I'm sorry..." Stolas whispered. "I shouldn't have come on to you like that...I-I just wanted to show you how (yawn) thankful I was for today"

"You can thank me when your ass is sober. Now shut up." Blitz was stern but there was a hint of sadness in his voice.

They drove out of the parking lot, into the empty streets. The drive home was mostly silent, soundtracked by the mysteriously cool winds blowing through and gentle snoring and hooting from the backseat. Blitz was fiddling with the radio stations with the volume down low. Needing something to occupy his mind other than replaying what happened in the parking lot over and over. He eventually found an Earth country station, halfway through a song he recognized.

He half-muttered sang along.

turned twenty one in prison hmmnm parole
no one could steer me right but mama tried

The air was still when they arrived back at the palace around 1AM. Hell, for a lot of reasons obvious and unknown, seemed to regulate its temperatures on the balmy side, with slight variations depending on rings. Pride was always 71 degrees in the day, a cool 59 in the evenings. Blitz parked in the roundabout surrounding the garden-entrance fountain. He hopped out of the van and opened up the rear doors. He jabbed lightly at Stolas’ feet. 

“Hey” Blitz whispered. “ Hey wake up, nerd” , a little louder.

Stolas slowly rose from the backseat, eyes blinking separately from one another. He was in a still-sleep daze.

“Hmm, what time is it” Stolas muttered.

“Like 1”, Blitz replied, moving to help scoop the bird up from the seat. “Let’s go, lushy”

“Mmmmm, where are we going”

“You are going to bed, I am going home, and then you are gonna have the most deserved fucking headache this side of the river”

Blitz helped Stolas to his feet and guided him to the palace entrance. The bird swayed slightly in his steps, a combination of Bad Nap and Bourbon still coursing through his veins. An imp butler came to the doorway, looking put off but concerned.

“What did you do to him this time?” the butler questioned Blitz roughly.

“Easy, chuckles” Blitz said, attempting to move both him and Stolas through the hallway to the bedroom. “He had a long day and a worse night. I’m just here to get his ass to bed and I’m gone”

The butler sighed and started to walk off.

“Just be quiet, his daughter is asleep” 

Ok good, she was here and not with her mother. One less thing to worry the prince of blackouts.

They made their way silently to Stolas’ bedroom. Stolas weighed next to nothing compared to your garden variety imp or most houseplants, so Blitz easily plopped him on the bed with little struggle.

“Mmm, thank you Blitzy” Stolas hummed.

“For what? Shrt off” Blitz said, doctorly.

“Ooooh”

“Shirt off, bitch. Not sleeping in a turtleneck with the morning you’re going to have”

Stolas pouted and undid the zipper, sliding off the turtleneck. He slowly but surely kicked off his pants one leg at a time, with the last kick propelling himself backwards to the back of the bed.

“Mmmfmm” the Prince With Otherworldly Powers Over Time And Space mumbled into the pillow, half naked in a drunken, tired stupor.

Blitz pulled the blankets up to cover Stolas up.

“Ok go to sleep” he said. “I’ll…text me in the morning and let me know you’re ok”

“Stay?” came a tiny reply from under the blanket. 

Not doing this, absolutely not getting back into this bed with this drunken idiot. No matter how easy all of this would be to just turn back on again. Pretend everything didn’t happen. 

“I’ll stay” Blitz said, feigning irritation. “But I’m not getting under the covers and it’s just until you’re fully asleep”

“Mmm, thank you, Blitzy” Stolas stretched and poked his head out from the blankets.

Blitz sat on the bed and began scrolling through his phone. Stolas stretched out and put his head right on Blitz’s lap.

“Woah, hey” sputtered a jumpy Blitz. “Head off”

“Just…just let me lay here for a moment…please” Stolas half muttered.

Blitz didn’t respond save for a frustrated exhalation, knowing this moment would turn into all night very soon.

Stolas began snoring gently about twenty minutes later, a few hoots and putters emanating. Blitz looked away from his bookmarked Just Pictures of Horses At Sunset photo collection and saw Stolas’ sleeping face, still on his lap.

Blitz let out a soft sigh. And then his eyes went wide. And he began to stifle a laugh. He opened up his camera on his phone and immediately took a photo of the sleeping prince in his lap. Mouth open, drool slightly apparent, face smushed, makeup running a bit. 

Blitz looked at the photo with a sense of triumphant assholery. And then his expression softened a bit to disappointment.

Who was this for? And why?

The imp smoothed out some of the prince’s features, moving his legs so his face wouldn’t be so squished, and wiped the drool away. All without waking Stolas up.

Blitz looked over his handiwork and nodded. Stolas was still a sleeping, drunken mess. But…he was now as beautiful as Blitz ever saw him. He snapped another photo. Smiling, Blitz scrolled back and forth between the two photos, a sort of flipbook effect happening as Stolas went to being shagged out to peaceful and back to shagged out.

I will never let you forget this he remembered from back in the stable.

“Heh” Blitz chuckled out loud, stroking Stolas’ head. “We’re even, bitch.”

Chapter Text

Every single bone in Stolas’ body was on fire.

He spent the first thirty minutes of being awake pretending he was still asleep. Maybe, he would be able to fool his brain into falling back asleep if he kept his eyes closed and stayed perfectly still, being sure to keep his breathing at a similar pace. Is there a way to force REM? Stolas was in the middle of doing research to benefit all demonkind.

After 30 minutes he came to the conclusion that, no, there was no way to push back against the inevitable. He opened his eyes and immediately felt a shock of pain to his temple the moment he glanced at the sun. It literally threw him for a loop, jumping back against the headboard, earning him a small bang against the back of his skull.

OW. 

He attempted to regain composure, holding his head in both hands, and began the ritual of groaning against the hangover’s power. He sat there huddled for an indeterminable amount of time before his brain finally caught up with him.

Oh no

OH SEVEN SINS NO

The recital. The parking lot. Blitz reciprocating his drunken advances…and then suddenly not. The feeling of the tarmac slamming against his back, then nothing, then Blitz’s lap. Then darkness.

And Blitz had left. 

He had ruined everything, he was sure of it. The last desperate attempt to keep Blitz in his life as even a friend had gone up in smoke. His anxiety around Stella and her awful brother at the recital reaching such a zenith that he escaped into the strongest stuff at the bar.

Stolas grasped at his throat, remembering the smooth burn of the bourbon. He smacked his lips, his tongue tasted of it and morning breath. For a sacred temple he spent decades having to visit they sure didn’t spring for the good strong stuff.

He bitterly chuckled.

“Well,” he said to himself, “that’s it isn’t it?”

He flopped down to the bed, tearfully cursing himself. His foolishness, his uncouth behavior. His inability to just keep it in his pants for one goddamn night for the sake of his sanity and the imp he loved, even if he knew it wouldn’t go any further than fantasy ever again.

One eye caught a piece of paper leaning up against a glass of still water on Stolas’ nightstand. The bottle of Hed-Bad from his medicine closet next to the glass.

He nervously grasped the note before looking at it, slowly pulling it up to his face to eventually read.

Stol-

You hit it pretty hard last nite
Drink all of this and then drink another

Rest up bitch
Text me if you’d like

From
Blitzø

Pee Ess: i ran over a bush driving in last night. It was an accident
Pee Pee Ess: i drew this (see back of note)

Stolas flipped over the note and saw one of Blitz’s doodles. It was of him and Blitz riding atop a horse that was more detailed than either of them. Stolas’ doodle saying “2 da theeaterr”. Underneath was Blitz’s writing: “this is what you look like and sound like to me but it’s ok”

Stolas cackled uncontrollably, all tension suddenly vanishing. He had always loved the way Blitz depicted him as a gangly, feathery doofus. It never came off as rude or mean, it always felt like the most direct affection he had gotten from him. He had collected many of Blitz’s doodles left over from full moons past in his nightstand, and he added this note to his collection.

He downed the Hed-Bad pills and the glass of water, walking to the restroom for glass number two as the note instructed. Octavia came out of the bathroom in pajama bottoms and a band shirt whose name was jagged and indecipherable, like a bundle of twigs. Her expression matched his: we are up too early on a weekend for anything . 

He leaned down and kissed his daughter on the top of her head.

“Good morning, dear,” Stolas said softly. “Did you sleep well?”

“Nnnnnngh” Via replied “you look like you slept just as well”

“Simply a grown-up headache. Your dad overdid it a bit last night, I’m afraid. I’m sorry about your mother…”

“Dad, it’s fine” Via said, hugging Stolas with one arm. “Thanks for coming.”

“O-of course, Starfire”. Stolas was taken aback by this sudden display of affection from his daughter this early in the morning. “You played beautifully”

“Well,” she said, stretching and walking away, “your boyfriend liked it at least”

Stolas coughed out, his feathers puffing out.

“I! He-um, we’re…(sputter, cough)”

“Ahahahaaha” Via laughed as she made her way into the kitchen.

Well at least she’s in a good mood.

Stolas yawned, walking into the bathroom to officially start the day.

HONK

Blitz shot up into the air, falling off of his bed. He scrambled for his phone, whose alarm (set on a Saturday by mistake) had be set to Loud Sounds Of Morning Traffic.

“I need to delete that” Blitz moaned quietly, pulling himself up and turning off the alarm.

He climbed back onto the bed, started scrolling through social media mindlessly, and then the events of last night suddenly crashed into him like a freight train. Blitz slammed his eyes down hard.

God no let me have one moment brain please i know i treat you like a toilet just give me five minutes 

NO , went his brain, metaphorically.

Stolas’ weight against him during the recital, Stolas’ breath on his neck, his stupid fuckin face, his lips, Stolas’ hands slowly working their way up his legs…

Blitz opened his eyes and spotted his egregious morning wood. 

WELL. 

“ Ok, real fast”, Blitz lied to himself once more before going to the proverbial town using memory and memory alone. This wasn’t new, this was the procedure in order to get out of bed and be normal and have a day not concerned with The Bird.

He was a few minutes into what was no longer “Real Fast” when his phone buzzed.

“No…” Blitz pleaded, “come onnn”

His curiosity holding sway he used his free hand to check the incoming text. It was from Stolas. 

Blitz, 

Thank you so much for getting me home safe last night. I apologize for my behavior but I appreciate you being patient with me and staying by my side last night, for however long you were there before leaving. And thank you once more for accompanying me to Via’s recital. We both enjoyed your company splendidly.

If I haven’t scared you away, I look forward to our next drive together. It was great spending time with you in a way I’ve never done before.

Enjoy your weekend and feel free to text if you’d like. 

Stolas <3

“That…motherfucker…typed a g-goddamn letter” Blitz moaned, attempting quiet as he unwittingly pumped himself harder and faster, his eyes not leaving the glowing text. His pulse quickened and his breathing grew heavier. His tail flapped around seemingly without thought or control.

Staying by my side

His breath

Spending time with you 

His hands

The goddamn fucking heart emoji 

In a desperate attempt to shut it all down, his thumb awkwardly attempted to swipe away the text, but it accidentally swiped up and brought forth 

The photo from last night. 

The hot one. 

The not-gross one. 

And he couldn’t look away. 

Blitz knew his body enough, even in this moment, that this was going to be loud. At the last possible moment he grabbed his pillow and slammed it against his mouth as he rode out his climax. 

“Nnnnnnnnnnngh!”

His breathing slowed against the pillow. After a minute he pulled the pillow tighter, wishing to just smother himself right then and there.

He screamed into the pillow. Hard.

He was absolutely fucked. And the worst part was that he had no means to escape it at all. And he wasn’t sure if he wanted to either.

Stolas was leaning against the shelf in the shower, music blaring out of his phone that was directly facing the locked bathroom door. One hand over his mouth, the other wielding the shower wand, set to its maximum vibration, pressed firmly against his cloaca. He bit moans into his hand, clenching his eyes tight as he concentrated on not slipping and breaking his neck.

Maybe the worst way for someone with the power to fold space and time in on itself to go out. 

He panted through his orgasm, hanging up the shower wand and resetting it to a gentle shower, and relaxed against the shelf, letting the water hit his back as he lowered his head into his bent arms. 

He was a wreck, and worse still not the fun kind of wreck that appears attractive and exciting from a distance. This was his only outlet for pushing away all overpowering feelings so that he could interact civilly with the one who filled his brain with so many uncivil thoughts. He felt like the repressed teenager he once was, masturbating in the shower or a school toilet when things got too overwhelming. And even then, even now, having to remain as quiet as a sinner would in front of their deity. 

Stolas turned off the water and began to dry off.

Why must I suffer alone? 

…

Ok, overdramatic, old boy, you’re fully grown and have to deal with treaties and bills and ceremonies with bigger things at stake than this. 

...

You can handle this. It’s been worse before. 

Bing 

Stolas picked up his phone from the counter and opened up a photo text from Blitz. He covered his face in surprise.

It was two pictures, both of Stolas laying on Blitz’s lap from the night before. One where Stolas looked like a train had been driven over his face, and one where…he didn’t. And the second with Blitz’s hand on his head. 

Before Stolas could respond a second text arrived.

Blitz: hey drinky im not posting eether but which 1 wld look better as a company card for da holidzys

Stolas choked on a laugh.

Stolas: PLEASE NEITHER, and PLEASE delete them, I look terrible.

Blitz: fuck u i’m keeping both for science research ur not my dad 

Blitz: and you look fine 

Blitz: like one of thos statues wit h the no arms 

At least there was this. It was easy to spar jokingly and talk meaningless things with Blitz through text. It was just them, no judgment, no obligations. Freeing.

…he needed coffee.

“You look like shit,” Loona said, pouring coffee into a mug that said “Road Apples Tour ‘91”.

“Thank you, Loonie,” Blitz groaned, sitting at the breakfast table and immediately digging into the box of cereal on the table.

“You already got the prize out last week,” she said mid-sip. 

“Force of habit.” Blitz poured himself a bowl of sugary nightmares and commenced to munching, staring off into the middle distance.

This wasn’t normal. Weekend or not, Blitz was usually a morning person. At full energy and talkative from coffee number three by the time Loona had stumbled out of her room to tell him to shut the fuck up because there was no one there and he’s talking to fucking nobody you asshole it’s seven in the goddamn morning 

“Hey, uh,” Loona started. “You…ok?”

“Walking on the goddamn moon, honey,” Blitz said, pouring a mountain of salt into his coffee.

“That’s salt”

“Oh, cool,” Blitz said in a daze.

Loona cringed, grabbing the mug before Blitz took a sip and pouring it down the sink. Replacing the contents with fresh coffee, she came back to the table and put the coffee in front of Blitz and pushed the sugar into his field of vision.

“Ok, spill,” she said, leaning forward.

“Spillwha” Blitz said, mouth full of properly sugared coffee.

“Did you fuck him or what”

Pbbbbbbbtbtbbbbtttttt

“Loona! Come on, jeez, none of that at the table young lady”

“I’m 22”

Blitz grabbed a paper towel and immediately started cleaning up his spit coffee from the table.

“We did nothing, I dropped him off at his stupid temple and he fell asleep. He was drunk, I’m an asshole but I’m not cruel” Blitz was now holding Coffee Number Three in his hands, leaning against the counter. “Then I came home, had one single beer, and fell asleep listening to that whale noise tape you found in the trash”

“Her name is Enya”

“I said what I said”

Loona, sighing, pulled up her phone, scrolling aimlessly. Blitz was silent for a moment.

“Hey Loonie?”

“Mm”

“Am I a good dad?”

Loona sighed hard, knowing that at least partial attention was required for placating her on-paper adoptive father enough for him to get over whatever fixation he was currently playing out in his head and move onto something else.

“I mean, you’re not my real one, so that kind of puts you ahead of the game a bit,” she said, not looking up from her phone.

“Thought you said you never met your real dad”

“I said what I said,” Loona parroted. 

There was a pause as Blitz drank from his coffee, added some more sugar, drank some more, sugar, took another sip-

“...you try.” Loona said eventually. “You’re annoying and you’re always getting in the way of things, but you try. And you can be reliable…and you can even be a good boss on a good day.”

Blitz looked up, eyes wide.

“We’re good, in case you were wondering” Loona continued. “I’m not going anywhere. At least not right now on my fuckin salary”

“Oh, Loonie-” Blitz said, arms open wide for a hug.

Loona hurled the empty cereal box at Blitz’s face, hitting with a satisfying cardboard thwap .

“I said we’re good, not great, dumbass” Loona said, cracking her neck as she got up. “It’d help if you let me borrow the van today”

Almost instinctively Blitzo reached for his keys but froze.

“...why do you need the entire van?” He questioned, eyebrows raised accusingly. 

“I’m just borrowing it to drive around a friend today who needed to get out of the house”

“What friend?”

“ That is on a need-to-know basis,” Loona said, smirking and snatching the keys from Blitz’s hand and dashing out the door, “and you don’t need to know!”

“Just be back for dinner! Or whatever!” Blitz called out.

“Maybe!” Loona responded, revving up the van and zooming out of the parking space.

Blitz turned and looked back at the apartment.

“Got the whole place to myself,” he said out loud. “Can do anything. By myself. Yep.”

He looked at his phone sitting on the table. He then threw his phone in the fridge and slammed the door. 

“Definitely not going to call anyone specifically.”

Loona drove up to the palace gates and honked the van’s horn a few times, leaning on it the last to emphasize her presence. Octavia got up from the dining room table and grabbed her bag.

Stolas looked up from his paper. “Where are you off to today?”

“Uh, Loona, Blitz’s daughter? She was gonna drive us to the mall. I needed some more paint and…um…pencils? For art?” Via said, tying her boots up.

“Uh-huh. Now tell me where you two are actually headed off to.”

“I swear it’s the mall but the rest I can’t tell you. It’s not drugs.”

“You know you can just do them at home, it’s much safer,” Stolas dad-joked.

“That is a terrible thing for a dad to say to their child.” Via kissed her father’s forehead. “But thank you for your concern. I’ll be back for dinner.”

“Ok! Say ‘hi’ to Loona for me!”

Via was off. It was the weekend so, under Stolas’ new management after Stella’s absence, all of the servants were home for the weekend. Suddenly the palace felt hollowly claustrophobic.

“Well!” Stolas shouted to no one, causing an echo. “Here I am! 

…Echo!”

His voice echoed from the kitchen to the halls. He tittered slightly and then remembered.

That’s right, I’m alone. 

His eyes darted to his phone. His hand hovered above the phone as he weighed his options.

“Space,” he eventually reasoned. “Give him space. He saw enough of you yesterday.”

He took his coffee to the library and began to file through books he’d been putting off for a while now.

Blitz removed the beer from the fridge. A few minutes later he removed the eggs. Then, over the course of an hour the pickles, cheese, soda, leftover pizza, soy sauce, the baking soda. Each time he went for an item he took one glance at his phone. Which remained in the fridge.

“There,” he said, looking at all the food splayed out on the counter. He wasn’t sure what he was doing. But the phone was still in the fridge and he hadn’t touched it.

“Ok, time to put it all back.”

And so Blitz put back each individual item one at a time, each time taking a small glance at his phone for a new message. Then he closed the door and stood in front of the fridge.

He then repeated this process twice more. This was the act of a man proclaiming to Satan and all outdoors that he had control over his life.

He then walked to the living room and began to pace. To get his steps in. To be active.

“Maybe I’ll listen to something”

Blitz grabbed literally the first record from a rickety pile of Records To Be Put Back that never got put back and slapped it onto the turntable, randomly throwing the arm onto the thing, not caring who it was or what sound was going to happen. He just needed some sound other than the sound of his hooves pacing on the carpet.

A human woman’s voice came out of the tiny speakers on the side of the turntable, singing over floaty piano.

I get along without you very well
Of course i do 
Except when soft rains fall
And drip from leaves
Then i recall
The thrill of being sheltered in your arms-

The turntable was thrown directly into the outside dumpster on top of a pile of burnt fabric and bent metal. It was obviously cursed and not worth the time trying to fix it. 

“Ok I’m going to flip a coin. For fun. It doesn’t mean anything, I’m going to just flip a fucking coin like a cool fuckin customer who doesn’t care what side it lands on.” The Smartest Person In The World said. 

Blitz flipped a quarter into the air, caught it, slapped it down onto the top of his hand, peeked at the result, and immediately flipped it again.

“Ok one more time”

Flip, catch, peek.

“Ok one more time”

Flip, catch, peek.

“I guess you could write that off,” Stolas said into his phone which was between his head and shoulder. His hands busy with a box of takeout and chopsticks. “But do you really think it’s necessary to go that deep into it, though? I thought energy bills were just sort of taken into account and not a business by business venture?”

“Yeah you’d think but Mox wants us to itemize all this shit,” Blitz replied with leftover pizza in his mouth and the speaker on. “Like, ok, every time some fucker busts into our office with a crane or a fuckin hee-la-copter or what have you the building pays for the damage, but we’re stuck with the portable generator bill. Does that seem fair to you? Having to shell out for power to turn on the lights from a damn 9 volt while construction workers leer at you and your staff like we’re a bunch of fuckin dumb meat sacks?”

“Well you’ve been keeping your receipts for the generator rentals right?”

“Receipts?”

“Oh, Blitz, of course now you have to pay for that.”

“No no no I’ll just make up a number, people topside do it constantly and it almost never completely blows up in someone’s face”

They had been on the phone for a little over an hour. Blitz was the one who made the first call. Stolas was in the middle of re-reading the same five lines at the beginning of a Didion novel when he answered on the first ring. 

Stolas ordered himself some takeout-by-portal, Blitz reheat the leftover pizza, and they started talking each other through re-runs on their respective televisions. Who killed who, what horse was being set up for arson this week, etc. The conversation, save for the tax talk, was light, only slightly flirty, but casual. And fun. Stolas had found ways to make Blitz laugh in ways he’d never heard before, Blitz was able to keep his mind on one topic at a time.

When Octavia came through the door she gave her father a big hug and wandered to her room.

“Oh, Blitz, can I call you back tomorrow? I need to go bother my daughter with a board game I found in our attic”

“No prob, Bob. Remind me to send you that video where the penguin slaps the other penguin into the ice. It’s a classic work of cinema”

“Hah, I’m sure. Goodnight, Blitz”

“Night”

Each other’s smiles audible as they hung up. 

Loona soon made her way home, throwing a grocery bag into Blitz’s arms. He opened it up and pulled out a Val-U-Size bag of Stor-Brand Gummy Wyrms. The key to his heart. And heart disease.

“So did they find the horse who shot the farmer this week or what?” Loona said, plopping down on the couch, as if they were in mid-conversation.

Blitz blinked and turned his focus back to the tv.

“No, that son of a bitch is just trotting around like he owns the goddamn place, like he didn’t put all the dominos in a row on purpose!”

The terrible horse crime show continued in the background as Loona texted Via.

Loona: how’s yours?

Via: Well he’s trying to put this board game together and not pulling it off very well. But he’s in a better mood. Yours?

Loona looked over at Blitz who was shrieking obscenities through a mouth full of gummi.

Loona: much better. 

Chapter Text

If the jacket had eyes they would be following Stolas around the room.

Over the past few post-recital months, Stolas and Blitz had begun to spend more time together outside of work. Their calls became more frequent, for starters. First a couple of times a week, friendly check-ins, venting about paperwork and divorce proceedings. Then a few more times a week, conversations getting a little more disjointed, a little less business-like.

One late night Stolas received a call from an inebriated Blitz, who, over the course of the conversation, kept forgetting he was talking to Stolas. 

“ Yeah he’s this big tall dickhead with the feathers we used to go out i don’t know, he’s got…he’s got a great ass and like a LOOOOT of books i don’t think i can read them all, hey have you ever eaten beer cheese, it doesn’t fuck you up but it still tastes bad like you want it to, anyway you can like put it on a pretzel- ”

Stolas, blushing, nevertheless kept the conversation going out of, I don’t know, maybe blackmail? He was hooting and cackling despite losing a good hour of sleep.

“Blitz, where are you?” Stolas finally asked.

“I’m at fuckin hold on uh” the spiraling imp said through the receiver, his volume getting fainter as he asked around for where he was. It was quiet until Stolas heard an exasperated sigh and clanging footstomps.

“Hey loona honey where are we-”

“We’re at home, Dad”, an annoyed growl answered.

Stolas could hear a gasp.

“Hey new friend she called me dad she never does that”

Stolas heard the phone rustle as Loona picked it up.

“Ok I’m putting him in bed so he’ll talk to you when it isn’t close to the absolute ASS-CRACK of dawn, your highness.”

Stolas froze up.

“Um-I’m so sorry, I-” he began to apologize before he was hung up on. It took him a while to get back to sleep after that, feeling as though he had crossed a line. 

One day during his lunch break, Blitz was listening to Stolas talk over the phone about the finer points from The Porthole Myth when he looked down at his watch. He had half an hour left on his break. 

“Hey, Stol,” Blitz interrupted. “Do you wanna just…come here and talk?”

A slight pause from the other end.

“Are you sure?” Stolas asked, minor panic in his voice.

“Yeah, I’m eating a sandwich and if you’re already listening to me chew you should get to see it as well. Portal over to Nondescript Sandwich Shoppe on uhh…Fifth and Night.”

A minute later a portal opened up directly on the corner of Fifth and Night, across the street from the cafe where Blitz was lounging with his sandwich at an outside table. Stolas had thrown on a cardigan and shorts quickly before leaving. He waved and made his way across the street, a car nearly hitting him causing great obscenities to usher forth from the offending vehicle. Stolas parade-waved at the driver as he zoomed off.

“Great job,” Blitz said, “great entrance as always, your highness”

Stolas tensed up for a split second.

“Yes well, these things aren’t 100% accurate 100% of the time,” the prince said, sitting on the chair across from Blitz.

“I’ll be right back, you like it black right,” Blitz said grabbing some trash.

“Oh! You don’t have to-”

“ Nooope, none of that, no one sits at a table of mine empty handed.”

“I can get that for you if you need it”

“Stolas,” Blitz frowned, pulling a credit card out of his pocket with Moxxie’s name covered with a piece of tape with “Cumpany Card” written on it. “It’s covered.”

Blitz dashed into the cafe. Stolas was sitting out in public. In civilian clothing. Alone.

It was something he was attempting to become more comfortable with. Though the act of completely leaving the Ars Goetia clan was an impossible task, the prince was starting to plan out the act of being a more…public figure than the rest. He wasn’t sure what he would be able to accomplish other than ribbon cutting and crop-cursing right now, but he wanted to be free of the shame that came with cooping oneself up in the name of royalty.

And what this meant was being in public. Where people are. And can see you.

Thankfully, only a few faces turned to look at him as they walked by. The politeness muscle whipped into shape since childhood would take hold and he would politely wave at onlookers. It was all very awkward for everyone involved. What was a prince doing hanging out at a cafe with a B grade health inspection rating? Didn’t he have work to do? A wife and daughter to see to? A kingdom to keep in check?

No, he imagined his response, I have much more important matters to attend to. 

“Fuck, ok, they were out of the regular black so they just had hazelnut,” Blitz exclaimed, kicking the cafe doors open and wielding a tray with two to-go cups and a plate with something on it. “You can absolutely complain about it but keep in mind, company card.”

“Oh!” Stolas was quickly speechless. “I’m sure it’ll taste just fine, Blitz”

“Ok cool I also got you a cookie because they were on sale and I ate mine already”

Blitz sat down, plopping the tray onto the table with a clattering plastic thud. Stolas looked down at the cookie. It was gingerbread with a white icing dribbled across it.

He loved gingerbread.

“...thank you, Blitz” Stolas said softly, reverently, as if receiving a life-saving medicine.

“Don’t sweat it. Now what’s all this shit about pirates being unable to make glass while they’re out on the ocean? It doesn’t add up, they’re resourceful fuckers.”

Stolas was thrown for a split second and then threw himself back into their earlier conversation.

“It’s not that simple, the amount of sand needed-”

And so on. They bickered about the sea like a couple of elderly captains on leave, mouths full of coffee and gingerbread. They joked and jabbed at one another. And they made plans for a game night over at the palace that Wednesday.

It was the first time they had been alone, in public, at an eating establishment of any kind, since Ozzie’s. Stolas wasn’t thinking too much into it at first, just enjoying the conversation. 

When they parted and Blitz got into his van, he drove around past Stolas before he could portal his way home. He rolled down the window, honked the horn a few times, and flipped the bird off with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. Stolas was too tickled to be embarrassed by the sudden amount of onlookery happening.

Well he probably just left without it not knowing. 

Stolas drank from his morning coffee on Thursday, Blitz’s jacket hanging on the chair across from him. It was a black jean jacket, the pits torn from wear, a large black-velvet-painting style patch depicting a horse jumping over a burning planet below sewn haphazardly across the back.

Game night had been a success in the sense that games were played. Stolas taught Blitz card games he was unfamiliar with, and as more rounds were played the imp’s initial frustration at losing at something he just learned that night was replaced with the cockiness of a professional card shark when he finally got one over on the prince. Soft music played in the background, wine was had, delivery was delivered.

Casual, the goal is casual, Stolas kept repeating to himself internally. 

When it started to get late, Blitz announced that it was time to head out, saying “I have a big day of paperwork and nothing else tomorrow. It’s Thursday so either M or M go out on errand duty. Just a quiet day of zero bullshit.”

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Stolas said, holding the door open for the imp.

Blitz started to walk out, froze and turned around.

“Did you forget anything?”

Blitz paused for a moment to collect his thoughts and consider a few things.

“...nope!” Blitz said, chuckling a bit to himself. “I’ll uh…”

“Yeah I’ll, see you…soon? Or talk?”

“Yep!”

The two stood in front of each other for what felt like ten entire years. Stolas extended a hand to Blitz.

“Goodnight, Blitz,” he said, smiling, hand still extended.

Blitz studied Stolas’ hand. He was incredibly familiar with what that hand and its cousin, The Other Hand, were capable of. Tremendous destruction, intense passion. Right now it was just asking for a shake. Simple as that. 

Blitz took Stolas’ hand and gave it a downwards pump.

“N-night,” he said, looking down at the floor.

…

“Blitz?”

“Hm”

Stolas was chuckling softly. “You can let go of my hand now”

“Gotcha, ok”

“...Blitz”

Blitz was gone. He was lost in his mind, surrounded by the context of the past few months. Voices swirled, voices from his past telling him he was unworthy of a gesture as simple as a handshake from an ex-lover. Or whatever Stolas was, or is. As the storm clouded up more, he could feel his body move closer to the bird, wrapping arms around him for a tight hug. 

“Hey”, Blitz’s subconscious spoke out, watching the events unfold like an old movie, “ look what this guy’s doing”

Stolas was taken aback

And then relaxed and returned the hug.

“...thanks for still wanting to hang out” Blitz said, his voice above a whisper. "After...all of...just, thanks"

Stolas could cry but he held it all in.

“Of course, Blitz,” he replied, giving Blitz one more squeeze before letting go. “Any time.”

Blitz smiled sheepishly and then turned around to leave the palace, his feet missing a step as he stumbled towards his van. Stolas watched him as he got in, waved back to the prince, and sat in the driver’s chair. Not turning the van on for a minute.

“Oh!” Stolas was snapped out of his daze, closing the door, letting Blitz leave without eyes on him. 

Blitz honked the horn as his van eventually drove out of sight. 

Stolas stared at the jacket with his brain flooding with possibilities and scenarios.

He loves this old jacket, I have never seen him just leave something like this over here before. I mean, not counting the horse toys and his phones and his wallet

Ok he leaves things over here all the time. 

But never this jacket.

Without thinking too much longer about it, Stolas slammed his hands onto the kitchen table, pushing himself up, and in a declarative move he decided to make it his entire business to return this jacket to Blitz. 

He grabbed the jacket and went to the bedroom to prepare himself to leave the house. He scrubbed his face in the mirror, preened a few feathers, put on a nicer white collared shirt and a sweater vest and brown slacks and started to reach for the jacket he had tossed on his bed

when he stopped. His hand hovered over the jacket for a moment.

When else am I going to get this chance , he heard himself think. 

He picked the jacket up, gave it a once over, and slipped his arms into the sleeves, pulling the whole thing on.

It fit…strange. It was snug around his waist, only coming down to just above his stomach, but the chest felt blown out, hanging off his frame lightly, not quite fitting down against his body. And then the sleeves. The forearms were snug, with the fabric near the hands feeling stretched out, possibly due to Blitz’s gloves.

Stolas felt ridiculous.

He began uncontrollably laughing, waving his arms around, feeling trapped and insecure by the jacket at the exact same time. He exaggerated his walk and wobbled around his room, arms akimbo to the best of their ability.

He then got a look at himself in the mirror and he froze, looking himself up and down in the jacket. In Blitz’s jacket.

He stared at himself a bit longer, looking over the tears in the denim, the mismatched pocket buttons, the missing zipper. Had Blitz worn these on jobs? Were some of these tears from people who fought back, who attacked him? Stolas breathed in the jacket, the scent a strange concoction of copper and cheap deodorant.

Stolas hugged himself and the jacket tightly, shutting his eyes. After a moment he snapped his eyes back open and took the jacket off.

“Right, ok”

He threw the jacket into a messenger bag along with a notebook and pens. He then concentrated, breathing slowly, conjuring up a portal. He stepped through the purple light into the hallway outside of IMP headquarters.

Stolas inhaled and walked in, bending slightly to fit through the doorframe.

“I just want it on the record that I, as the boss, have the right to admit that I was wrong!” Blitz snapped at Millie and Moxxie in the conference room.

“Oh for a change?” Moxxie snapped back.

“Hush it, chode runner!”

“B, the rules are rules,” Millie said, rolling her eyes.

“Millie I am very, very aware of the rules, the rules I made about the Errand Boy Wheel I also made”

A clock-sized wooden wheel at the end of the table with an arrow in the middle was the cause of all of this. There were three options for the arrow to land on: one large slice saying Millie, another large slice saying Turd Burglar which was crossed out with Millie’s handwriting saying “Moxxie”, and an incredibly small slice saying “Blitzø”. 

And the arrow had landed on “Blitzø”. 

“Blitz, you can’t throw a shit fit every single time, like once every eight months, the wheel lands on your name” Moxxie sighed out. “We all agreed to the wheel, that it was a ‘fair and balanced’- your words- way to appropriately deal out the Thursday Errands without argument”

“Well, Mox, guess what’s happening now?” Blitz questioned.

“An argument”

“So clearly the system is broken”

“You invented the system”

“That’s correct”

“I’m not here,” Moxxie leaned back in his chair and returned to a book on Sondheim he had been meaning to get to. “Go to work, errand boy”

Millie burst out with laughter at Blitz’s wrinkled, furious face. He would be burning the wheel that night. 

“Um, excuse me?”

Stolas lifted a finger up to get attention from Loona at the receptionists’ desk. Loona looked up from her computer, then back at the screen, then quickly looked back up with eyes slightly widened.

“Uh…hi” she said.

“Hello,” Stolas said politely, “I, uh, hate to bother you all when you’re busy-”

The phone hadn’t rung in two straight hours.

“-but it seems Blitz forgot his jacket at the palace last night and I just wanted to make sure it got back to him.”

“S-sure…” Loona said, narrowing her eyes, instinctively sniffing the jacket. “Did you wear this?”

“Not! No!” Stolas sputtered out, coughing. “I’ll…I’ll just leave it with you then and leave”

“...he’ll be out of the meeting in a few minutes if you want to wait for him”

“I don’t wish to intrude”

“Honestly, dude, you can stay or go but there’s literally nothing going on today to intrude on. It’s up to you” Loona kicked her feet up onto the desk, pulling open a newspaper and draping it across her face. 

Stolas stared at her for a moment before walking over to the waiting room couch.

“Very well,” he said, sitting down, back straight, hands pressed against each other, thumbs desperately wanting to twiddle as a means of releasing any kind of stress.

It was about five minutes of silence punctuated with muffled noises of a struggle from the conference room before either of them said anything. 

“So…what did you two do last night?” Loona asked, newspaper still resting against her face.

Stolas shot upwards, blushing furiously.

“G-ame night” he said. “Card games and food. I-I assure you my intentions with your father are-”

“I do not care,” Loona shot back. “But just watch it around him. He’s been a little jumpy lately. Last thing he needs is to get the wrong idea from anyone”

Stolas felt the need to defend himself.

“I have to reiterate,” Stolas said, standing up and walking to the desk, “my intentions with spending time with Blitz are purely casual and friend-oriented. I do not wish to cause him any…any more harm than I already have”.

Loona’s ears perked up at that last sentence, she removed the newspaper and stared at Stolas, looking him up and down and giving him no quarter with her current emotions. They stared at each other in silence, Stolas’ expression soft but slightly wounded.

“...just be careful.” Loona eventually said. “Both of you”

Stolas smiled,

“Young lady, I can assure you I intend to be on my best behavior”

“ Well FUCK YOU”

The door slammed open, Blitz growling back at a smug looking Millie and Moxxie relaxing against their office chairs. Blinded by indignant rage, Blitz took three steps from the office door and walked face first into Stolas’ backside.

“Hnnk!”
“Oh!” 

Blitz froze in embarrassment but didn’t move his face.

“ Heystolashowareyou” he muffled into the back of the bird’s feathers. Stolas swung his arms around behind him, grasped the sides of the imp and in one fluid motion flipped him back to face him.

“Nice form.” Loona deadpanned, “Oh, Blitz you have a visitor”

“Thank you, sweetie” Blitz said, “Great job as always. Stol, what’s up?”

Stolas dug through his bag and unfurled Blitz’s denim jacket.

“I believe you left this-,” he started. He was interrupted by Blitz vertically leaping to all of Stolas’ height and snatching the jacket in a triumphant fashion.

“FUCK, I knew I left it at your place,” Blitz said, throwing the jacket on. “Never letting you out of my sight again, Missionary”

“Eww”, Loona said, putting the newspaper back onto her head and leaning back.

Blitz exhaled, finally feeling completed by his denim exoskeleton. Then he realized three pairs of eyes were staring, well four technically.

“What?” he questioned at M&M, looking at their boss with even smugger faces. “I left it over his place last night. It was game night. We played uh, Costanza”

“Canasta” Stolas corrected.

“Yeah, that. Both of you get to paper-working. Some shit actually has to get done around here while I’m bitchin’ around town”

“Where are you off to?” Stolas asked.

“Blitz spun the Errand Boy Wheel we spin every Thursday, and it finally landed on him.” Millie said. “He’s gotta go follow up on a client, negotiate our toner purchases, pick up water…”

“Wow you know the list so well you should go take care of it” Blitz half-pleaded.

“Wheels is wheels, B”

Blitz groaned, sliding a hand down his face. He then looked up at Stolas who looked a bit out of place in this office atmosphere, or at least felt that way.

“...do you wanna come with me?” Blitz asked. 

Stolas perked up.

“On…errands?” Stolas asked back.

“Yeah. I mean it isn’t gonna really be fun and it’s mostly gonna be me arguing with dickheads about bills but I could use the extra help with the water jugs, and it wouldn’t look as weird if I was actually talking to someone in the van for once…”

“I’d love to come,” Stolas interrupted. “To-to help”

“Yeah, cool” Blitz said.

Cool super cool everything is Cool everything’s OK went Blitz’s inner thoughts.

Silence in the office as M&M watched the whole awkward ritual unfold, Loona snored under newspaper, and two nerds agreed to do chores with one another.

“(FAKE COUGH)” fake coughed Blitz, “ok let’s go, I gotta grab some stuff at my place real quick first.”

“Lead the way!” Stolas chirped. 

They began to leave the office. Blitz poked his head back into the room.

“Anyone says anything and pay gets docked a month, I am not fucking around this time, none of you know anything, fuck off, shut up” Blitz spat at the company he was a genius at keeping afloat. He slammed the door behind him. 

Loona, apparently awake, stuck out a hand towards Moxxie. “Pay up.”

Chapter Text

The Van pulled up to the apartment complex, knocking over a trash can as it parked. 

"Every week," Blitz muttered, climbing out to pull the can back up. "Damm garbage people never put it back onto the curb."

He slammed back down the lid. 

"LITERAL garbage people," he continued, pointing a claw at Stolas, still sitting in the van. "And figurative!" 

Stolas rolled down the window and poked his head out. "Big words, there, dear," he chided gently.

"Shut it, Bird, not in the mood to whip out my dictionary. And thesaurus. And fuckin…yeah, make that face" 

Stolas chuckled, his face scrunched up. 

"You coming in or what?" Blitz asked, walking to his apartment door. 

Now this was new. Stolas had never been inside Blitz’s apartment before. Had never seen it aside from the occasional Sinstagram post. 

"Uh…sure," Stolas said, arching his way out of the van. "I thought you just needed to grab a few things"

"Yeah but I'll be dammed again if I spend the day doing this shit in my suit. Gonna freshen up."

Blitz walked through the door, Stolas bent to enter. It wasn't…exceedingly small. Stolas' head had to bend slightly not to hit the ceiling. But it was surprisingly roomy for an imp and a hellhound. 

"Won't be long, make yourself at home" Blitz said as he kicked dirty laundry and trash away before Stolas could judge his living room any further. 

"Gladly," Stolas said, sitting on the couch. Blitz went into his room where a sudden rush of rustling and grumbling soon was heard through the door. 

Stolas kept his hands on his knees as he craned his neck around to better take in his surroundings. 

This is…cozy. This is not at all what I grew up to believe constituted a home but…this place looks comfortable. I hope he's comfortable. 

And Stolas wasn't kidding. Aside from some grocery bags and shirts rather haphazardly kicked to the sides of the walls this apartment felt warmer and more inviting than the palace ever did at its best. The kitchen had mugs hanging from a makeshift hook-rack, the living room adorned with blankets and pillows, both normal and horse-shaped, on the coffee table were thick books with detailed pictures and diagrams of older weaponry, Earth weaponry. A modest shelf of DVDs, some titles Stolas remembered from the times Blitz would bring one or three over on more of the lower-stakes full moons. 

And on the walls there were posters, a framed adoption notice, wrinkled advertisements of Blitz’s circus days. They never really talked about it all in much detail, Stolas knew very little about Blitz’s full childhood, only picking up on context clues through offhand remarks and recent conversations about chronic pain. Stolas knew there were parts of Blitz’s body that ached longer when bruised than others, he put together from photos in the imp’s office that the white scarring that adorned his body wasn’t always there. He liked it, though. He knew Blitz was self conscious about it, but apart from the fantasy-adjacent feelings of being in the arms of a rugged and damaged adventurer, it was all a part of Blitz’s body.

And that meant it was perfect. Full stop. 

Stolas squinted his eyes as he got up to get a closer look at the photos. There were photos of Blitz’s employees, Moxxie and Millie, Loona frowning in half of them, a calmer disinterest in the other half. And Blitz was…

Oh. 

Oh no. 

Stolas’ heart shattered as he rubbed his thumb against a violent marker scribbling covering Blitz’s face in a photo. His eyes darted around. It was nearly every photo. His face scratched out.

Oh, Blitz…

A sob lurched into his neck. 

“Ok, you ready?”

The sob shot back down into the bird’s stomach as he whipped around to see Blitz standing before him. The imp had on a slightly-torn black shirt with a death metal logo splayed across the shirt, loose black sweatpants, and his black and red boots.

And the jacket. 

He had a bag slung over his shoulder as he stared up at Stolas with a blank expression.

“Yes!” Stolas exclaimed, forcing a smile and quickly backing away from the wall of photos as if he were simply up, walking around, taking in the majesty of a two bedroom apartment. 

“You look…comfortable!” Stolas said. “Like, actually comfortable. Relaxed.”

“Uh…yeah, thanks.” Blitz said, raising an eyebrow. “Like I said, I’m gonna be in the van most of the day so I need the boys to breathe so to speak”

“Pfff”

“Ok let’s go”

Stolas turned and made his way out of the apartment maybe a bit too quickly to give him enough time to wipe some tears from his eyes without Blitz seeing anything. Blitz looked up at the wall of photos, then out the door, then back up at the wall.

He inhaled

And exhaled.

“Ok.” 

“Blitz”

“Hm”

They had gotten into the van and Blitz was fiddling with the radio settings.

“You know…you can tell me anything, right?”

Are we really doing this right now? I’ve actually got shit to do today. 

“Yessss?” Blitz replied, pushing out the parking brake and moving his hands to the wheel before Stolas grabbed one.

“I mean it,” Stolas said intently. “Anything at all. My door is always open. My phone as well. You can talk to me about anything/”

Blitz let Stolas hold onto his hand a bit longer as he stared off into the distance, his brain pushing round pegs into square holes to decipher what to say next. 

“I…know” Blitz said, slightly dazed. He shook his head, focusing his attention back to the bird. “I know.” 

“Ok”

“Ok”

Ok. 

They drove off in silence.

“Oh, c’mon Vin, you know that old rule is horseshit right?”

Blitz was at a counter at Office Things 4 U (To Buy), a large warehouse-style store of office supplies. Computers, rubber bands, staplers, you know what these stores are like, I don’t have to explain it to you. Bunch of office stuff, stuff for an office. Like toner. Which was the subject of the current argument.

“Horseshit or not, Blitz, it’s the rule and to be quite honest you haven’t really buttered us up enough to bend it,” said VIn, the manager of the store, four arms folded in irritation. 

Stolas was away somewhere in the store looking at desks and being fascinated by plywood. 

“How long have we been coming here?” Blitz said, leaning against the counter the best he could standing on a stool. “How long, Vin?”

“I’m not getting into-”

“How LONG, Vin”

Vin pinched his forehead. “Since you was in the circu-”

“Since I was in the goddamn circus. My sister and I would come here and you’d always let us use the defective paper to print out flyers at half-cost. Ok? When I started I.M.P. we gave you a free kill for the use of a personal copy machine. You know how long it took to kill that guy?”

“A month”

“A month! Because you gave us the wrong coordinates and we had to go all the way to the fuckin South Pole to get him”

“He was already dead”

“He was dying, don’t give me semantics. Frostbitten and abandoned by his crewmates is not dead. We made it easy on him. You’re welcome.”

Vin groaned. “How long is this going to take?”

“It’s gonna take as long as it fuckin needs to for us to get our discount back”

“Blitz, Blitzo-” 

“Don’t”

“I like you. I like your little business, you do good work. You work cheap. That I admire. But you’re inconsistent. We had an agreement: you keep ordering the same amount of toner, you get the same amount of toner at a discount. You wanna talk about history? I don’t give my wife a discount and I’ve known her maybe a couple years more than you.”

Blitz rolled his eyes and folded his arms. “It’s been a light…couple of months”

“And I can sympathize, I really do.” Vin said, putting an arm around the imp’s shoulder in a car salesman’s attempt to buddy-buddy his way out of an annoying situation. “But we’re businessmen. Men of business. Me? I gotta make sure the numbers add up. And this order…”

Vin held up an invoice and slid it back over to Blitz.

“...it don’t add up. I can’t in good conscience give you your usual price on this amount. Maybe if it were a month’s supply. Two months. Not six. Absolutely not six.” 

Blitz stood up on the stool.

“You know I can take my business elsewhere right?” he said, puffing his chest.

“Will any other place have you?” Vin said, rising to meet Blitz’s dagger stare. 

“ Ahem”

Blitz and VIn turned their heads around to see Stolas standing next to Blitz’s stool.

“Gentlemen, I couldn’t help but overhear this small tiff over toner,” Stolas said calmly, “and I’d be more than happy to offer my assistance in clearing this up”

“I’ve got this, Stol. This guy is just motherfucking us like we aren’t his oldest constant clients”

“Gotta be constant to be a client” Vin said. He looked over at Stolas. “Who’re you, beanpole?”

“Prince Stolas” Stolas replied, a small air of regality in his voice.

Vin wasn’t stirred.

“Of…of the Ars Goetia?”

“I don’t pay attention to politics,” Vin said, “I didn’t vote for you. Are we done here? You wanna help your friend off the big boy stool and leave before you make a scene?”

Blitz growled but lowered his temperament when Stolas put a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s fine, Blitz. Let me just take a look at the numbers. I’m currently working as the palace accountant after ours, unfortunately, went with Stella in the divorce. May I?” He held a hand out toward Vin.

Vin rolled his eyes and slapped the invoice into Stolas’ palm. Hard.

“Thank you. Now, let me see…”

Stolas’ eyes worked their way down the invoice, glossing over every word. Every number. He bent his knees down to be at Blitz’s level and motioned the imp to go over to the adjacent counter with him. Blitz grumbled and scooched the stool over to the next counter. They began whispering, arguing at first but then getting to the numbers at hand. 

“Is this your usual-”

“No we usually try to keep-”

“Right so just try-”

“What are you two chatterboxes gabbing about back there?” Vin asked. “I have other customers.”

“Business meeting, old man,” Blitz snapped, “With you in a minute”

The whispering resumed. Stolas jotted some notes down on the invoice. Blitz suddenly clapped his hands together and let out a triumphant laugh.

“Got it!” he half-yelled.

“Is that ok?” Stolas asked.

“It’ll have to be, but…yeah. It’s great.” 

Blitz scooched back over to Vin’s counter.

“You’ve got used toner on you don’t you?”

Vin froze.

“...yeah? So?”

“Well even I know from the few faxes I’ve had to send to my lawyers,” Stolas said, “that the ink in Hell comes directly from hellspawned squids from Greed. It’s extracted gently from the creatures and processed and shipped to every ring.”

“We know this,” Vin said. “We’re talking about toner”

“Getting there. We also know recent cutbacks in the ink and toner supply industry have forced businesses, like yours as your door sign foolishly proclaims, to provide people with an experimental toner made from crushed up infant hellspawn squids.” 

Vin furrowed his brow and attempted to light a half-spent cigarette.

“Possibly,” he said gruffly.

“This experimental toner,” Stolas continued, “is not entirely illegal. It is currently used throughout Greed, Lust, Sloth, Envy, Wrath, and Gluttony”

Blitz clenched his fists together and shook them like he was awaiting a perfect touchdown.

“...but not in Pride” Stolas finished, narrowing his eyes with a slightly wicked grin.

The musak that was piped through the store seemed to be the only thing making noise for a moment. 

“...what are you insinuating?” Vin asked.

“I’m insinuating nothing, my good man,” Stolas said. “Just that if you did pay attention to politics you would know that the Goetia clan currently has a major pull in the ink industry in Hell. In fact, I seem to recall a full decriminalization of this under the table toner being on the docket at the next council meeting in a month.”

Vin’s cigarette trembled.

“Would be a shame if someone just, I don’t know, voted that measure down, putting businesses like yours in danger of being raided. Costing you business, costing you money, your livelihood. Now that, I’m insinuating.”

Blitz was rock hard. But still conscious enough in the moment to slide the invoice over to a dumbstruck Vin.

“The usual, Vin.” Blitz said calmly. “For six months”

“Seven,” said Stolas.

“Seven months”. 

Vin looked down at the invoice and frowned.

“Did you want it gift wrapped or shoved in a bag full of shit” Vin said, attempting to hold one card in this game.

“No bag necessary, brought my own,” Blitz said, opening up his canvas bag and wiggling his eyebrows.

Vin walked away to the backroom, cursing to himself, leaving the prince and the imp to themselves as the order was prepared.

“Stol-” Blitz started.

“Shh”

“That was-”

“ Not. Yet. Blitz.” Stolas remained completely still, upright.

The sale completed, Blitz bid Vin a fine farewell as he lugged the toner away. Vin flipped both of them off and immediately started telling an employee that if they had time to lean they had time to clean. 

Blitz unpacked the toner from his bag into the sturdy crate labeled “CHOREZ” in the back of the van. He climbed into the driver seat next to an already seated Stolas.

They stared at each other.

And burst out in hysterical laughter.

“You fuckin’ BITCH ” Blitz cried out, “You LYING WHORE , you absolutely have no fucking pull in the ink industry!”

“I did!” Stolas yelped through tears of laughter, “I did! I swear! I let my dues rollover and stopped going to board meetings and they just never called me back!” 

“I cannot believe that fucking worked oh my god ahhhhhh”

They cackled in the parking lot for minutes on end until they pulled away to the Weiner Place down the street to celebrate a con well done. They ordered and sat in the back of the van with the doors open, facing the sidewalk, and people watched as they ate, Blitz’s legs dangling from the bumper.

“I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a hot dog before” Stolas said, wielding the thing with both hands.

“You’re, what, 36?” Blitz questioned through the end of Dog 1, making his way to Dog 2.

“As well you know”

Stolas bit down on the hot dog, blinked, and wolfed the whole thing down in one bite. Blitz couldn’t help but stare.

“You don’t need to show off in front of me, I’m totally aware of your skills” Blitz chuckled, slurping his soda.

Stolas choked slightly and kicked the imp’s leg.

“Rude,” said Stolas, attempting to cover a blush with his drink. “So, what’s next on the to-do list?”

Blitz was making quick work of his crinkle fries.

“Watercoolerwater,” he said through chewing.

“Blitz, please swallow”

“HA,” Blitz stuck his tongue out, revealing a mass of chewed hot dog and potato.

Stolas cringed up and laughed. “Oh my sweet Satan, you’re impossible”

“You love it” Blitz swigged down the last of his drink. “Watercooler water. Seems like something we could just get from a gas station or whatever but,” he wiped his face and threw his trash in the food bag, “Mox says the place we’re going to has the best tasting water in Hell. I can’t really taste the fuckin’ difference but I like to throw him a bone every now and then.”

“See, I knew you liked him,” Stolas said, gathering his trash and putting it in the bag.

“Eh,” Blitz hopped onto the ground, walking to the trash can. “He’s alright. He’s a quick shot, he’s got a cute little ass-”

“None of that”

“-he’s loyal,” Blitz sat back down next to Stolas in the back of the van. “He calls me on my shit. Doesn’t let me off the hook.”

Blitz kicked his feet at the dirt, looking down, a slight blush crossing his face.

“You’re good at that too, you know.”

“O-oh, really?”

“I mean, you’ve been getting better at just sort of…I can’t really describe it…I felt kind of…I don’t feel beneath you so much these days. You talk to me like you’re just trying to talk to me. You’ve kind of loosened up since we’ve started talking again. It works for you.”

Stolas was beet red. 

“Y-you’ve really helped me on that end, Blitz.” Stolas said. “I mean it. Ever since L.A., the recital…my stars, you’ve shown me so many sides of yourself. You’re courageous, resourceful, you’re even kinder to your employees. I can only hope I’ve done the same. To grow some after all of this. To show I’m not just some old fool stuck in his ways.”

Blitz looked up at the prince, nudging his arm with his.

“You’re a fool but you’re not that old.” Blitz said. “And I’m glad my bad influence is finally paying off. I only spend every waking moment trying to ruin your brain with my bullshit” 

Stolas looked over at Blitz with a raised eyebrow and a crooked grin. Blitz stuck his tongue out and began crawling up and over the back chairs and toward the driver seat. 

“Come on, To Water”

Stolas stared down at his feet before smiling like a giddy schoolboy. He hopped up and closed the van doors, making his way up front.

“To Water.”

Chapter Text

“Bitch you are letting me the fuck over!”

Blitz honked his horn before speeding up to finally finagle his way into the left lane. Sweet relief, a bunch of speed freaks like him.

“Are you alright?” Stolas asked, holding onto the grab handle over the door a little tighter. “You seem to be dipping into the road rage a bit more than usual.”

“I’m fine, Feathers. This place is just a little bit out of the way, and I-”

Blitz rolled down the window and stuck his head out of it.

“-AM SURROUNDED BY FUCKIN DIPSHITS WHO CANT MERGE TO SAVE THEIR GODDAMN LIVES”

Stolas yanked Blitz back into the van.

“Eyes on the road”

“ YOU eyes on the road,” Blitz retorted, earning a deadpan stare from the bird. “...yeah! That’s what I thought.”

Stolas rolled his eyes and soon adjusted them to a small rubber suitcase at his feet. He hadn’t seen it before, he could only assume it slid under the seat and around the van floor. He reached down and put it on his lap, snapping the two locks open.

“Oh! Tapes.”

The suitcase was filled with cassette tapes from artists both hell-borne and otherwise. Stolas moved a finger up and down the rows, listening to satisfying clacks of hard plastic cases touching each other.

“You know,” Stolas started, taking some tapes out of the case and inspecting them, “you’re raised with one, concrete idea of art and culture and then one day you’re proven to be a philistine by a box of cassettes.”

“I don’t wanna be a dick about this,” Blitz said, hands patting the steering wheel in red-light-impatience, “but there is a good chance you’ve never heard of anything in there”

“No, you’re probably right. Head Felcher, Big Hoss and the Little Hoss, i think this logo just says “APE””

“APE rule, I saw them open for GG Allin when he came down here”

“The senator?”

“Right? Politics are weird”

Stolas hummed to himself as he took each tape out, studying it, eyes taking in each detail, every awkward band photo, every scrawled word and logo. He had a deep affinity for either the goriest displays of carnage or the most washed out photos of country artists from the 90s. The dichotomy of Blitz’s musical tastes clashing against each other.

There was one tape, loose without a case, with paper labels glued to it with no writing whatsoever.

Well I’m absolutely listening to this one, Stolas thought.

“What’s this one?” he asked.

Blitz looked over and suddenly double-taked.

“Hey fuckin don’t!” he yelped, reaching out to yank the tape out of Stolas’ hand. Stolas was too quick, holding it out of the imp’s grasp.

Stolas laughed, “What’s on this? A demo? A declaration of affection? Field recordings? Ooooh what a mystery”

“Stolas please do not- shit-” Blitz swerved back into the lane. “-please don’t put that fuckin tape in”

“I’m putting it in”

“NOOOO”

“I’m pressing play”

“Fuckin STOP”

It was too late.

“Blitz, whatever is on the tape you will get no judgment from me,” he said, attempting to calm Blitz down. It didn’t exactly work as Blitz went from looking furious to terrified, keeping his eyes glued to the road to distract himself.

Stolas pressed play.

“ -as. So that one was uh..”Held In Dark Grasp” by Ostretch. One of their softer ones. I don’t know if you really like that kind of stuff but I’m trying to get my money’s worth for this thing because blank tapes are really fucking hard to come by these days”

It was Blitz’s voice. Slightly distorted from a tape recorder’s built in microphone, his voice was quiet and slightly obscured by the recorder’s motor being installed foolishly close to the microphone. But it still rang clear enough. Blitz put his head in his hand and groaned.

“ Ok this one is a earth guy, uh shit hold on {sound of plastic clattering} ok ok this is uh “Museum of Flight” by this guy Damien Jurado. I thought hey a name like that he should be pretty hardcore right but he’s kinda soft, I like his voice though. iI think you’ll like this. OK. 

{sound of tape switching off, song beginning

Falling to the ground

I was anxious to be found

You can always go home

To the safety of your cloud

Don't let go

I need you to hang around

I am so broke

And foolishly in love

I turned around to love reveal-

Stolas switched the tape off.

Both of them were silent for a moment. Stolas felt it hard to breathe or move. He slowly rolled down his window and let the passing air hit him in the face.

Blitz, for his effort, did not intentionally crash into the nearest light fixture or building. Instead his face was darkened with a rush of blood, his eyes focused on the road like a staring contest champion gone rogue.

Stolas rolled the window up and calmly ejected the tape, placing it gently back into the suitcase, and placed the suitcase back onto the van floor beside his feet.

“...Blitz, I’m so-” he started.

“Don’t” Blitz emotionlessly fired back. “Just don’t. Can’t. Not right now.”

Stolas nodded slowly and went back to sitting uncomfortably upright in his seat.

“No no no no, goddammit no”

Blitz was pulling on the door handle of The Good Water Place, which was surprisingly closed. A note hung on the glass door from the inside read “ Emergency, closed for the rest of the day! Sorry! Fuck you!”

“There better be someone bleeding out you fuckers!” Blitz said, pulling on the door harder. “I wrote a check and everything! I’m fucking prepared for ONCE aughhhhhhh”

Blitz slid down the door to the ground in defeat.

Stolas peered through the glass doors, squinting his eyes. It was a front office connected to a football-field sized warehouse of millions of identical watercooler jugs stacked up against each other.

“Is there some number you could call?” he asked.

Blitz jumped up and pulled out his phone, searching for the GWP number in his contacts.

“Ah-ha! There’s gotta be someone manning the fort somewhere,” Blitz reasoned, dialing the number.

Suddenly the office telephone rang from the inside, its blinking light taunting the two locked out demons.

“The fort is unmanned” Blitz groaned, once more in defeat. “Can’t get the water. I’ll have to come back, Mox will pitch a bitch fit about tap water. Dammit, we drove all the way out here and the client meeting is on the other fucking side of town”

An idea popped into Blitz’s head. 

“Stolas,” he asked, “can you portal us into the warehouse?”

“Are you asking a member of royalty to commit breaking and entering in broad daylight?” Stolas replied.

“Possibly, yes”

“Blitz…”

“Come on, we’re not stealing anything. I’ve got the check right here for four jugs, down to the penny. I’ll leave it on the desk, we grab the water, we bolt, and I will deal with any fallout angry phone calls”

“This is a tremendous misuse of my abilities-”

“Stol, it’s five fuckin feet into the office. Please?”

Blitz’s eyes went wide with pleading. The Big Guns had officially been whipped out.

Stolas sighed and groaned into his hands, unable to say no to the idiot who had cursed his heart among other things.

“Let’s make this quick,” he said, his eyes glowing red as purple light shone from his fingertips. He flicked his hand towards the direction of the glass doors….

…and nothing happened.

Stolas grumbled and tried again. No portal.

“Got a little performance anxiety there, bud?” Blitz asked.

“Hush, I think something’s wro- OH. Blitz, look up”

Blitz looked up at a sticker at the top of the glass door and his head grew hot.

“This Building Protected By Wally Wackford's Anti-Magick Security, Pardner”

“That fuckin HICK” Blitz yelled out. “Ok fine we’re doing this my way”

Blitz went to the back of the van and grabbed a cinder block, dragging it with both hands across the pavement.

“You’re not seriously going to smash the door open” Stolas asked, looking on shocked.

Blitz grunted out a “yep!” 

“This is…you know how illegal this is right?”

“Of course I do,” Blitz said, panting from the weight of the block. “Very much, very illegal. But I wrote a check and I’m getting that water. Now will you please help me lift this fucking thing up and throw it through a glass door?”

Stolas was frozen with apprehension.

“Stolas,” Blitz said, mood suddenly a serious calm, “I’m not going to beg you. But please help me here. You won’t get in trouble, I promise. Whatever happens I’ll take the rap. It’s my company. They’re not gonna arrest a prince for throwing a brick through a storefront”

Stolas knelt down to Blitz’s eye level and gave him a hard look. He then wordlessly slid a hand through one of the block’s cells and helped lift it with Blitz carrying the other end. They stepped back from the door.

“Will you wait for me when I’m in the big house?” Blitz asked, staring straight ahead. 

“Absolutely fucking not,” Stolas replied.

“Good man”

On the count of three they swung the block into the air as it smashed through the glass door. Of course the alarms immediately went off. They dashed through the wrecked door frame into the office and through the warehouse doors.

“Grab jugs! Four!” Blitz yelled over the screeching alarms.

“I say I say you are a-tresspassin’ on these here grounds!” Wally Wackford’s recorded voice rang out of the intercom system, echoing throughout the warehouse. “ The authorities have been called and you WILL be pumped full of lead because they do NOT care about intruding critters whatsoever! And the owners of the premises will be receiving an extra invoice for replacing the glass! So, also, thank you, kind thief!”

Stolas waved a hand and four jugs of water levitated from their holder like they were filled with helium.

“Ok let’s go!” Blitz yelled. Both of them ran through the warehouse, a four-jug parade following them through the air, knocking over office equipment, crashing into lights, causing more damage than intended. Stolas ran outside with the jugs, while Blitz stared intentionally into a security camera and made damn sure they saw the check in his hand as he placed it on the front desk.

“I HAVE A CHECK!” he yelled, and then scurried out the door, jumped into the door Stolas had open for him and absolutely obliterated the ignition, slammed his foot on the gas and they zoomed out of the parking lot, going over a curb which knocked around the jugs of water in the back, and nearly crashing into an oncoming car.

But they were on the road.

They were both panting and sweating, absolutely spent from the mad dash. Blitz slowly started to decrease the speed to not look as suspicious on the road. Stolas wiped sweat from his brow, lifting up his shirt to finish the job. Blitz stared while the prince’s eyes were occupied (two of them anyway) and then snapped his face back to the road.

“Cigarette” Stolas asked, hand outstretched.

Blitz blinked and grabbed a carton out of his jacket pocket, slapping it down in Stolas’ hand. Stolas slapped a cigarette into his palm, immediately putting it in his mouth. Stolas attempted to start a light with his finger and thumb, snapping over and over. His hands were too sweaty and trembling to concentrate.

Blitz handed him a lighter. The lighter Stolas had gifted him after three months of the arrangement. It was silver with purple engraving of a bonfire. Stolas took the lighter, lit the cigarette,

inhaled 

and exhaled. Blowing the smoke out the window.

“I should be absolutely furious with you right now, putting me in that position like that.” Stolas said, his breath slowing to a gentle crawl. “Not giving me a lot of outs to say no.”

“Look,” Blitz started, “I’m-”

“But that was such an incredible rush , Blitz” Stolas continued, grinning wildly. “I don’t think I’ve felt that alive and…and instinctual.”

Blitz made a grimace to himself, holding a laugh back.

“I’m still mad at you for springing it on me but…thank you”

“Heh. You’re welcome,” Blitz said, a blush creeping in. “I’m…sorry for not budging on the whole B&E thing. I kind of…freaked out when I saw they were closed. I kind of went into today with like, a plan? And so far it’s been bumpy. Not that I, that I haven’t been enjoying all of this…with you…helping me and shit. I mean, you’re really useful out on the field. Even if it’s just you know helping me with errand boy shit, I mean you could do more than that, you have that power, and-”

“Blitz.”

“-like, I don’t know. You’d probably wanna just stay at the palace and enjoy being divorced with your kid and shit, and it wouldn’t pay all the great and you’d probably get really sick of me right away-”

“Blitz.” 

Blitz shut up.

“Are you seriously offering me a job right now?” Stolas asked, eyebrows raised. 

“I mean…no? Yes? Forget it, forget I said anything.”

“You know that’s not the first time you’ve done that, right?”

Blitz’s mouth puckered up with anxiety.

“W-what do you mean,” he asked.

“You don’t remember the day you came over to the palace? We were boys? I seem to recall it was after a spot of thievery as well. You offered me a job at your business…circus…business.”

“...”

“Well. I remember. And I’ll say now what I believe I said then…”

Stolas reached over and put a hand on Blitz’s lap.

“...I hope I’m qualified.” he spoke in a low volume, smiling.

Blitz looked terrified but…not entirely turned off. He looked into Stolas’ eyes. The prince looked nervous but…happy?

“I, uh, think I can move some things around and (gulp) find a place for you” he muttered.

Their faces moved closer together…

HONK. 

“HEY ASSHOLES FUCKIN MOVE IT”

They were snapped back to reality, the red light they were stopped at had turned to green a good ten seconds ago.

“Shit,” Blitz said, zooming through the intersection.

Stolas coughed.

“We-um” Stolas began.

“Yeah uh yeah”

“Let’s uh”

“Talk later”

“Yes, talk later.”

“Cool”

The two smartest people in the world drove on in peaceful, contemplative silence. Blitz finally put some music on, a random station mercifully ending their talk radio portion of the broadcast day. Soft rock began to patter out the speakers.

Blitz mumbled along to whatever words of the chorus he remembered.

“Learn to work the saxophone,
Hmmmfmm what i feel 
Drink scotch whiskey da da da”

“And die behind the wheel,” Stolas finished, looking out the window. 

They exchanged surprised glances. 

"Didn't grow up entirely culturally ignorant, darling" Stolas said, smiling. 

"Fuckin' A," Blitz responded, pumping a fist in the air. 

They continued the drive to the final errand, a last minute meeting with a client at their place of business, a roller rink. Two dads singing along to dad rock as song after song about drunken losers, jilted lovers, and horses blared louder and louder through the van speakers.

The air was a little different, a little sweet smelling. Both could breathe a bit easier. Nothing needed to be said right now. They seemed to be thinking the same thing.

I can't believe i love this idiot. 

Chapter Text

“Ok go over it with me one more time, I think I can crack it,” Stolas said, eating an apple he had stashed in his tote bag.

“So, like,” Blitz started, “ok. The song is called “A Horse With No Name”. The chorus is about this guy going through the desert riding on a nameless horse.”

“We know this.”

“It felt good to not be riding in the rain”

“Mhm”

“I’m gonna assume that the majesty of riding the horse in the desert is enough for this guy to be so fuckin gobsmacked that he forgets his own name”

“Almost there…”

“And then that last line fuckin shits all over everything. Every time I hear it I feel like the singer is tripping over it. Cuz there aint’- there ain’t no-”

“ There ain’t no one for to give you no pain”

“There ain’t no one for to give you no pain”

“There ain’t no one for to give you no pain”

“See, I get you’re trying to make it work, that’s what I always tried. It just refuses to fuckin sound good no matter how you say-”

“My dear Blitz,” Stolas declared with a Shakespearean flair, “ there ain’t no one for to give you no pain”

“There ain’t no one for to give you no pain”

“I can’t make it work”

“It can’t be done,” Blitz said, turning into the parking lot of Babs’ Skate Hutch, a roller rink on the outskirts of Pride, about an hour from Imp City. Imp run, imp operated, Blitz had been coming here for years and had built a steady friendship with Babs out of mutual respect for one’s business.

“What the FUCK, Babs!”

“I don’t know what to tell ya, Bud,” Babs said, shrugging her shoulders as she sprayed deodorizer into skates. She was a larger, butch imp with a Wrath accent. “These things happen”

“These things absolutely do NOT happen!” Blitz said, pointing an accusatory finger at Babs. Babs sprayed him with the deodorizer.

“No pointing,” she said. “It’s rude.”

“Ack phth, no, what’s rude is you weaseling out of our contract! You hire us to kill someone, we kill that someone, we shake hands, you give me a discount on nachos! That’s how this works!”

“The situation changed,” Babs said, continuing her busy work.

“You’re fuckin’ hiding something”

“Hey, shrimp, I’m not hiding anything!”

“Hey, baby, another kid got his hand caught in the crane game”

Blitz and Babs swung their heads around to see a slender blonde Sinner in work boots and overalls, with a red bandanna tied around her shaved head. Babs was caught.

“...I’ll be right there…Max…honey”

“That’s ok! I got it handled, he’s just a little scared.”

Max waved hi to Blitz and ran to grab a first aid kit. Blitz and Babs stared at each other.

“You didn’t-,” Blitz started.

“I didn’t,” Babs said. “I mean it didn’t…no one…augh. It’s complicated.”

“I got time, Babs. Spill.” Blitz sat on a stool at the other end of the rental counter, and kicked his boots up onto the counter, which were immediately pushed off by Babs.

“You know those Oujia board things? I used to think they were fuckin’ horseshit. Until I woke up one night literally being yanked up to Earth. By Max. And buddy you should have seen her. She was…a wreck. Like the house was destroyed, there was food and crap all over the place. It looked like she hadn’t slept in weeks.”

“Well that makes sense considering the guilt that comes from not stopping a jealous husband from beating the literal life out of his wife’s lesbian imp lover”

“It was awful seeing her like that. I couldn’t really…hold her or anything, I was kind of a ghost or whatever?”

Babs lit a cigarette, popping it in her mouth.

“A fuckin’ kids toy, can you believe that shit? But…we talked all night, we talked until the morning. We got a lot of stuff out in the open, a lot of fears, dreams. It was like we were talking for the first time.”

Blitz was leaning on the counter with his chin resting on his hands.

“So how did her husband bite it?” he asked, not entirely phased by the story.

“He came home from work one evening, she got him in the back of the head with a cast-iron pan. Went down like a sack of hammers. She called the cops, put back some whiskey and…”

Babs clicked her tongue, putting a finger gun to the side of her head. Blitz was now phased.

“I told her to wait, told her to wait for y’all to take care of him. Safe, clean, quick. I wanted her to be…to be free of all of this. To not have to take any more of his shit on her hands, for it to not be her responsibility anymore.”

She chuckled bitterly.

“Stubborn. It’s why I love her,” she said. “She came down here, found me, we needed a new head custodian. Would you have me say no?”

Blitz sighed.

“I would have reminded you of our non-negotiable finder’s fee,” he said. “If we hadn’t known each other for this long, I would have told you this was a really fucking stupid thing to do, that you were also fucking over another small fucking business, that we had a goddamn agreement”

Babs looked down, taking a few puffs of the cigarette.

“All fair,” Babs said.

“Having said all that, I think it was actually kind of cute that she killed her husband and then herself to work as a janitor at a fucking roller rink”

Babs snorted.

“You try stopping her once she’s got a thought in her head” she said, smiling. “I once saw her win a hot dog contest out of spite .”

Blitz groaned, leaning back into the stool before realizing it was a stool and not a chair so he fell to the ground. He stood up, leaning up against the bartop.

“We drove…like all over the place, all day.” Blitz muttered. “Sorry, I’m just…it’s been a long fucking day.”

“ We drove?” Babs asked. “Got a mouse up your butt?”

Blitz pointed a thumb behind him. Babs leaned over to look toward where Stolas was helping Max lean the crane game forward as she helped ease an imp child’s arm out of the crane game prize door. Babs looked back over to Blitz, then back to Stolas, then back to Blitz.

“I mean…good catch, pal,” she said, chuckling. “A fuckin Goetia. Boyfriend?”

“I…don’t know,” Blitz said, still watching Stolas helping the child calm down. “Maybe? We haven’t…a lot fucking happened.”

“I bet it did”

“Fuck offfff”

Babs laughed loud, coming out from behind the bar top, leaning down to Blitz’s level.

“Tell you what,” she said, digging through one of her pockets, pulling out a twenty. “Here’s $20 for the arcade and some snacks, and both of y’all come back here for some skates. On the house.”

“Babs you fucked me and my employees out of an honest day’s work and you think you can buy me off with video games and roller blades?”

“I’ll throw in some weed”

“Babs you’re a queen and I love you forever”

“I know. Now go have fun with your whatever he is, I think we have some skates in his size”

Babs handed Blitz the twenty and pushed him toward the arcade.

“And don’t fuck in the bathroom! Trying to run a goddamn fucking family business you cocksucker!”

Blitz rolled his eyes, and sheepishly walked over to the arcade.

Why the fuck am I doing this, why are we not leaving, we can just grab some fucking food on the way back, why am I still walking toward the arcade, am I actually about to ask Stolas to fucking hang out at a roller rink with me like we’re fucking 13 and we’re sharing each other’s jacket, why is he looking at me, is he saying something, wait, I should say something

“Yeah!” Blitz said a little too loud, answering a question that was absolutely not asked.

Every child and parent in the arcade stared at him and then turned back to their own business.

“Everything ok, Blitz?” Stolas asked, politely shoo-ing the previously stuck child off to go play.

“Uh, yeah. Yes!” Blitz slapped his pockets until he pulled the twenty out. “We’re done!”

“Oh! What was the meeting about?”

“...just needed to straighten some things out. We’re all good. Babs is good people.”

“It seemed like you two are pretty close. Old friend?”

“Old, good friend,” Blitz smiled. His eyes went wide. “Oh! Ok, uh…she gave us some money for games and snacks and uh…roller skates? Can you roller skate? You probably wouldn’t be into it”

“Actually, Via and I used to go all the time. Oh, I remember taking her once, the first time she stopped hugging the wall and zoomed off by herself.”

Blitz was staring up at Stolas, silently hoping he didn’t hear the offer of a…date?

“Let’s go get our skates,” Stolas said, beaming, dashing back over to the skate rental.

“o-Ok!” Blitz said.

Fuck, ok, we’re…on a…something.

The actual rink was the largest part of the building. Teens, kids, adults on dates, parents with small children, a seven foot tall owl, and an imp desperately hugging the wall. They were all enjoying, or attempting to enjoy skating around to the Hellborne and Earthen hits of yesterday.

Babs was losing her shit from the rental booth. Watching Blitz’s legs skitter around in an attempt to keep balanced with one arm against the rink wall in the most Cool Guy way he could muster. Max came in and dropped a box of knee pads on the bartop, walking behind Babs and putting her chin on the shorter imp’s shoulder.

“Don’t you laugh at him, I’ve seen you bust ass so many times on that floor the floor could sue for battery,” Max chided.

“He’s just a little guy, is the thing,” Babs chuckled, moving a hand up to scratch Max’s head.

“Boyfriend’s cute”

“Boyfriend is very cute. No clue how they fit together in bed.”

“I think a ladder is involved”

Babs guffawed, nudging Max aside. “C’mon, I’ll help you stock these”

“Blitz, do you require some extra help?” Stolas said after lapping Blitz for the tenth time.

“Nope! I’m cool here,” Blitz lied, “Me and the wall, we have an understanding here”

Blitz could not put it together. How was someone as gangly as Stolas perfectly suited for the rink? The old-style boots-with-wheels gave Stolas an extra couple inches in height, too. And yet he glided and spun like a fish through ocean water. 

Blitz was a hog on ice, his center of gravity forever fucked by years in the circus. He was pretty sure he had some flavor of vertigo from wire-walking, too. 

Stolas hummed along to the disco tune, enjoying the movement but missing the company.

“Are you sure you and the wall are on the same team, dear?” Stolas said, slowing down to skate-walk next to Blitz.

“We’re on the (augh) Not Fall And Break Our Neck team. We’re state fucking champions.”

Stolas laughed. “Come on,”

He held out a hand for Blitz to take. Blitz looked at the hand and something inside of him told him to cling harder to the wall. You and the wall are going to get through this without anyone else’s help, we don’t need his literal hand-outs to have a good time.

And then in a split second, the split second where Blitz’s brain wasn’t hounding him with ideas of safety of the heart and easy outs, Blitz took Stolas’ hand.

He felt his head get incredibly warm. “Fine,” he said, still trying to be proud. “But don’t fucking trip me or let go”

“Blitz, letting you go is the furthest from my mind”

The imp squeezed his temple. “Oh my god, I walked right into that huh”

Hand in hand, the two began to skate around the rink at a slow but steady pace. Blitz eventually found his rhythm, swaying his legs at the proper speed to keep up with Stolas’ longer strides. As they circled the rink, Blitz caught in his periphery Babs and Max making huge goo-goo eyes in his direction. He started to let go of Stolas’ hand but then he thought

Fuck it, i’m here on their dime. 

and squeezed it tighter, flipping off the pair with a snide grin.

“Oh, you wanna be cute?” Babs said, laughing. “Ok, let’s see how cute you two can get”

Stolas was on Cloud 9. He had thought things were awkward from the van ride over, when they had almost… oh god, I can’t believe he leaned in. I can’t believe I flirted with him like that. I can’t believe I’m skating in public and he’s holding my hand, this angry little idiot is holding my hand and he isn’t letting go. 

“Ok, folks, let’s slow it on down now,” Babs’ voice piped through the speakers. “Time for all you young lovers and you young lovers at heart to come out for-”

Blitz’s eyes went wide as suddenly the words hit his hearing in slow motion. Maybe there was still time to bolt, leave town, grow that mustache, learn how to farm-

“ -couples’ skate”

Blitz skidded to a halt. He was good at using the little rubber stoppers in the front of the skates. He was a pro at that. He was also great at avoiding eye contact.

He had been better at that, though.

Blitz looked up at Stolas who was just as shocked and stuck-in-slow-motion as he was. They stood in front of each other, each deciding they were gonna let the other one be the one to make the decision to leave the rink.

The song started as they still hadn’t made a decision. 

At that moment Stolas thought, well I helped him commit an actual crime today. I might as well see what happens. 

Stolas bowed to Blitz, one leg behind the other, extending a hand. 

"Do you want to dance?"

Blitz tripped on nothing, his feet frantically dancing to straighten himself upright again. He ended up skating directly into Stolas who helped prop him up. 

"I mean you could basically do anything to me right now and I couldn't exactly run away" Blitz babbled, being pulled back up to his feet. 

Stolas took both of Blitz's hands. 

"And if I wasn't in this position of grace and power?" he asked, hoping the double meaning wouldn't be ignored. 

"Yes I'll dance with you" Blitz grumbled, too short to technically lead but he still attempted to.

Another slow song began. Gentle piano and banjo, two human singers, light smattering of percussion. Blitz and Stolas swayed, Blitz allowing himself to be held up from falling while still leading the dance. The goddamn disco ball went off, retracting beams of light everywhere. 

Beams shot through Stolas' feathers, bathing his face in light. Beams hit Blitz's face, showing a haggard but handsome visage. 

It hit them at the same time, the same thought. 

Oh. 

The song ended, like a record scratch the music changed to energetic bar rock. It startled them both into realizing they were getting dangerously close to another once more. Blitz fell, busting ass right on his face. Stolas couldn't help but chuckle slightly as he helped him up. 

"I have, that uh. Food. I have weed. And van, let's food," Blitz got out with maximum effort. 

"Let's food," Stolas replied, leading Blitz back through the rink. 

Blitz dropped the skates off at the rental booth while Stolas grabbed their shoes from the lockers. Babs shot Blitz an innocent grin. 

"This shit better be good because I don't wanna remember letting you off the hook," Blitz whispered harshly. 

"Awww, love you too", Babs said giving Blitz a noogie. "Nice meeting you, hun! You two have fun now!

"Thank you, Babs! It was lovely meeting you both," Stolas replied, waving as they left. 

They both got back into the van and stared ahead. Blitz started the van. 

"You pick, I picked hot dogs," he said. 

"Feeling pizza?" 

"I'm always feeling pizza"

"So how long does this usually take to, urm, kick in?" Stolas asked, holding the worst rolled joint in the world in his hand, studying it like an ancient artifact of a lost civilization. 

"THAT," Blitz said, bringing the pizza and soda from the front of the van to the back, where they had parked on a hill overlooking the outskirts of town. "Will not get anyone high because it is going fall the fuck apart the moment you look at it wrong"

"I did my best"

"You did, and you should feel very proud of yourself, now scooch. Show you how a pro does it"

Stolas scooched over, Blitz plopped down and dug his container of rolling papers out of his denim jacket pocket. 

"How deep are those pockets?" Stolas asked, digging into a slice. 

"Well, how deep do you want them to be?" 

Stolas choked slightly. "Augh, Blitz, god, don't remind me of…Satan, I was an embarrassment"

"You weren't an embarrassment. That joint is an embarrassment, hand it over."

Stolas handed the worst joint ever rolled in the world to Blitz, who easily unwrapped it, preserving the weed on a paper plate. He pulled out a fresh paper, scooped the weed from the plate into the new paper. He licked the seam, making a bit of a show of it as he looked up at a transfixed, blushing Stolas. He wrapped it tightly. It was a little jagged, not completely smooth, but the foundation held a lot better than the piece of taffy Stolas was working with before. 

"You never run out of surprises, Blitz," said Stolas taking the joint back. "I've never seen you so concentrated on something that wasn't a drawing of a horse"

"Lay off, that takes years of dedication and hard work". Blitz flicked the lighter and lit the joint in Stolas' hand. "OK, just like a cigarette, but try and hold it in a tad longer. Peer pressure peer pressure peer pressure-"

"OK, ok!" laughed Stolas, swatting Blitz and his chanting away. He took a breath, Inhaled the joint, and held it, held it, held it, held-

"Not that long, dingus"

Stolas coughed out a spare lung, handing the joint back to Blitz while still hacking into the ground. Blitz was cackling like a maniac. 

"Ahhh, what a wonderful time I'm having. Sometimes it does feel sweet to be the teacher" 

"F-(wheeze)-fuck you, I think I'm dying"

"You're not dying, you're 35. Lie back and think of England, Stol. Let it wash over you"

Stolas lay back the best he could. The back of the van had been crowded slightly from the watercooler jugs and the bags of toner. They had put a blanket down and were watching the sunset break over the horizon. 

Blitz inhaled the joint, coughed in his mouth slightly, and exhaled. 

"You're not an embarrassment," he said, unprompted. "You weren't then, you aren't now. You just never fucked anyone who cared enough to figure out what you liked"

"And what was it that I liked?" Stolas asked, stretching his arms out. 

"Well, men , for one" 

"Touché"

"I got embarrassed by you sometimes but you're nothing to ever be ashamed of. Kind of wish I could be as-" (inhale) "- as open-" ( exhale) "and shameless as you can be sometimes"

"Would you believe me if I said it wasn't being shameless?" Stolas reached out for the joint again, Blitz handed it over. He puffed at it a bit more hesitantly, only coughing slightly. 

"Absolutely"

"Just thought…hey, here's this rapscallion, this rugged assassin. I should match his level of excitement and intrigue."

"You saw my house, you know how exciting it can get"

"Oh but it is, Blitz. I mean it. It's…it's you. It's all you and it's all I wanted to know"

"W-what is?"

"Who you actually were. Not some act or character." Stolas was chasing his pizza down with sips from a plastic cup of Dr. NOPE. "Just this…person. This complicated, messy, sad, glorious person. That's exciting. None of this-" Stolas waved his arms around in the general direction of the day's chores. "-this was all icing on the cake. If you just showed up today and said "hey feathers, let's eat crap food and get high in my van" I would have approached it with the same amount of joy as I approached this day of insanity."

Blitz was staring at Stolas. 

"That shit jumped on you quick" he said, a lazy effort in situation diffusion. 

"I mean it didn't hurt," the bird said, sheepish but feeling a bit weightless. 

Blitz put the joint out on the side of the van interior and put it on the plate. He sat and thought for a minute then lay back to meet Stolas. They stared at each other for a moment. 

"Question," Stolas inquired.

"Shoot"

"Did you leave your jacket over the palace on purpose?"

You can still run. Right now. Last chance. 

"...yes"

"Why?"

"I don't really know. Wanted to see what would happen?"

"Hmm"

More silence. 

"Question for you," Blitz muttered. 

"Hmm?"

Blitz's hand absentmindedly moved its way to Stolas'.

"...we really fucked up on this whole 'trying to be friends' thing, didn't we?"

"Hmm," hummed Stolas, noting Blitz's hand and inching his own closer. "Yes I'm afraid we didn't really do a great job with that today"

"So…what do we do?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know what do you wanna do"

"I don't know what do you wanna do"

Blitz positioned himself over Stolas. Stolas looked surprised for a moment but then reached a hand up to stroke the imp’s face. 

"I think one more bad decision won't be an issu-" Stolas began, interrupted by Blitz's lips crashing down onto his. A great tension in both of their bodies was released, both of them going limp with relief as they began to (slightly soberly) make out in the back of the van. 

Blitz roughly grinded into Stolas, purring into his neck. "I've been wanting…to do that since you came into the office this morning."

"I wouldn't have stopped you, dear," moaned Stolas quietly. "We have…oh, we have a lot to- ah- talk about"

"We will, we will '' Blitz panted, tears welling in his eyes slightly as an unstoppable force/immovable object situation happened in his mind. "I promise, I promise, I mean it"

"I know you do," Stolas, snaking a hand under Blitz’s shirt. "I can tell…it's different now isn't it?"

Blitz froze for a moment. 

"...it's really different," he concurred, proceeding to unzip Stolas' pants. Stolas frantically kicked them off, also kicking off the pizza box and soda. 

"Show me how different," Stolas said breathlessly. 

Blitz ate Stolas out in the back of the van, with the doors wide open facing the setting sun. The hill they were on was completely empty of campers or other parkers. If anyone happened to walk by and heard the commotion, they would be blindsided with the passionate howls of a prince forgoing his ribbon cutting and enjoying being a goddamn citizen of hell for once. For right now, it was just the two of them, and they could turn their brains back on tomorrow. 

It was around 9pm when the van pulled back onto the palace grounds. Stolas climbed out, wearing Blitz’s ill-fitting denim jacket. He turned back around to lean into the window to speak to Blitz who looked…shaken but not anywhere near as despondent the last time he had dropped the prince off. 

“Thank you for tonight,” Stolas said. “That was…that was truly one of the best days I’ve had in forever, Blitz”

“You’re welcome,” Blitz muttered.

“Are you alright?”

“I…I’m fine. I just…flashbacks. Bad flashbacks”

“I know what you mean.”

They stared at each other.

“Do you want to…come in?” Stolas asked.

“Stolas, you have no idea how much I want to. I do.” Blitz said, hands trembling. “I just need…I need some time. Just a little bit. I have to…think about some things…if we’re going to do this, I need to reckon with some stuff…”

“Say no more,” Stolas said, leaning in, taking Blitz’s trembling hand. “You take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere. I mean it.”

“Why are you so patient with me,” Blitz asked, “Other people aren’t”

“Other people don’t know how worth it you are”

“Am I?”

Stolas leaned in more, placing a gentle kiss to Blitz’s cheek. “Get some rest, Blitz”

“You too,” Blitz smiled nervously, a chaste kiss sending him over the edge that quickly embarrassed him more than fucking in a van ever could. “Goodnight”

“Goodnight, dear.”

Blitz drove away, not in a rush, not in a huff, just lost in his thoughts. Stolas waved and smiled, hugging himself and the jacket with a free arm.

He noticed a lump in the jacket pocket and reached in, feeling a familiar cassette shape. His eyes shot open as he pulled the nondescript tape out of his pocket, now with a note wrapped around it written on a fast food receipt.

Stol,
Might as well hear the whole thing.
I need some time to think.
Please wait for me this time.
Blitz. 

Stolas felt tears welling up as he smiled and laughed, holding the tape to his chest tightly. 

“...do I own a tape player?” Stolas wondered out loud. He walked through the palace doors calling out for Via to see if she had a tape player and if not some advice on how he could get one tonight.

Chapter Text

The attic door flung open. Stolas and Octavia’s heads popped up from below.

“I could’ve sworn the youths were getting back into cassettes,” Stolas said.

“I don’t know who The Youths are but those things never really sounded good,” Via said, climbing up the ladder.

“They have a certain, nostalgic charm”

“Is sounding out of tune and garbled part of the charm?”

“Actually, yes, I think so”

The Palace Attic was the size of a two-bedroom apartment. It’d have to be to accommodate the size of the Ars Goetia’s vast collection of ancient artifacts, paintings of exiled royalty, money in jars, a large hope chest labeled “Feathers of The Damned”, and the size of the Ars Goetia themselves. Stolas flipped a switch and after a minor delay the lights of the attic flickered on.

“Right,” Stolas said. “I don’t remember exactly how all of this was organized the last time I came up here, but try and find electronics and toys, that might be a good starting point”

“Is there a reason we’re doing this at 10pm?” Via asked, yawning. “Is the tape going to explode at midnight? What’s on it? Is it a bomb? Is it a demo? Is it a bomb?”

“One at a time, Starfire,” Stolas said. “Dig while you ask”

They wandered the haphazard aisles of the attic, pushing through piles of abandoned royal ephemera as Stolas relayed the events of the day to his daughter (leaning out certain elements pertaining to having sex in a van and a possible breaking and entering charge).

“So you think he made it for you?” Via said through a cough, having blown some dust off of a shoebox containing spare bits of fabric. “ Why do we have this?”

“I’m almost positive,” Stolas said, “I think. I thought I heard my name on the bit that we heard in the van”

“And…how do you feel about…all of that? Like, is he gonna move in?”

“Oh, I don’t know, dear. I don’t know anything for certain, we didn’t talk much about it. He asked for some time to think it over but…I can feel that’s just him wanting to be careful. And I don’t blame him. He’s led a rough life. I think he wants to be happy and doesn’t know how to let himself”

“That was…weirdly detailed for not talking much about it”

Stolas sat on the attic floor, putting his head in his hands.

“I don’t know what’s to come next, Via. The divorce isn’t finalized, all of this is happening. I’m trying to hold all of this together like a responsible parent should, like a good father should. I can’t even imagine how stressful all of this is on you, my sweet.”

Via sat down next to her father.

“Look,” she said, “It’s really weird for me to tell my dad these things, but I think you need to, you know, chase this. I think he makes you happy and I don’t think I’ve seen you happier since you’ve started talking again. And it sounds like he wants in on this, too. I don’t know what’s gonna happen next, dad, but I think it’ll be good for us.”

Stolas wiped his eyes.

“How did I get so lucky to have a daughter with a stronger emotional language than myself?” he said, hugging Via tight. She hugged back.

“Do you love him?” Via asked.

“I…I do.”

“Do you want to move in with him?”

“One day”

“Will I have to call him ‘dad’ or ‘pop’?”

Stolas laughed, “I don’t think we’re that far ahead yet, dear”

Via laughed, leaning back and bumping up against a strangely shaped object.

“Hey dad, I think this is something”

She pushed a mountain of tangled audio cords aside and pulled out-

“-oh Satan, no”

Stolas squealed. 

It was an Official Mammon-Brand Big Woobly Stuffed-Stereo-Friend. Ostensibly a demented cousin to the already terrifying animatronic stuffed animals/tape players on Earth, it was styled like “everyone’s” “”favorite”” “””dinosaur”” from Hell, with what appeared to be a cheap tape deck welded into its stomach.

“Perfect! Let’s go set it up in the living room!” Stolas said, picking up the Creature and nuzzling it. “Oh you used to love this little guy, it’d sing you to sleep and tell you stories when I was away.”

“I. REALLY hope this doesn’t work.” Via said, cringing at the mangled visage of plush and metallic plastic.

Blitz didn’t listen to any music after dropping off Stolas. For once he needed to hear the thoughts in his head. To reason with them. 

It was…an incredibly stressful day. On top of almost getting arrested he made himself look foolish in front of two associates, one of whom a friend. 

And Stolas.

He fell on his ass and face constantly. Stolas must’ve thought Blitz was touched, stupid, unable to control himself. Sure he can eat out like a champion but would a prince want to be seen with a clumsy idiot who couldn’t even keep balance?

Seen with, try just be with. 

“What does he want from me?” Blitz muttered.

Ok well this is an easy one, you know this already, one day he hit his head on a low clearance shelf or some shit and he forgot that you weren’t a loathsome, irritating, useless asshole. That’s why he thinks he lov-

He could barely get the word out in his head. 

But then what was all of that shit on the hill? Liking me for my shitty apartment? My business? My admittedly fantastic horse drawings? He called me a mess…he called me glorious. Is he confused? Why was he so warm…I thought birds were cold blooded…I don’t even know where I fucking heard that!

Blitz was lost in an argument with himself the entire drive. Amazingly while maintaining a safe speed, using turn signals, and not crashing into every third car. You spend enough time flexing a self-loathing muscle you learn to pat your head and hate yourself at the same time. 

He blinked, and he was parked somewhere. He looked up and saw the neon sign for The Dewclaw, one of the rougher queer-adjacent bars Blitz would visit when he was younger. Before all of this. He wondered if Judee still worked here. 

He sat in the van for about twenty minutes, lost in slow thought. 

…you have to check. One more time. You have to see if it’s worth it. You have to know that it’s what you want…if you’re too ruined by this idiot to appreciate the finer things in life; dick, booze, overwhelming noise. Or variations thereof. 

“Thereof???” What the fuck you have been hanging around that blueblood for way too long. Get your ass in there, old man, see if there’s anything worth staying behind for. 

“...one drink.” Blitz said out loud, knowing it was a lie.

“Aughhhhhh can you stop the head from moving around like that,” Via said, covering her face with her hat and leaning back into the living room couch.

The pretty useless Big Woobly animatronic head wriggled like a dying fish. The grinding of plastic motors to ambulate the neck was even louder than the tape volume at full blast. Stolas was doing his best to find some sort of off switch for the movement.

“It just has one On/Off switch!” Stolas blurted out, “I can’t-ahh-ok, I know what to do”

Stolas picked Big Woobly up.

“Sorry, dear boy,” Stolas apologized to the unfortunate creature, before snapping its neck and tearing it and the animatronics out of its body.

Via looked on with a face combining abject terror with admiration.

“...you didn’t have any attachment to this thing did you?” Stolas asked, placing the headless Woobly back down on the coffee table. 

“Not as much of an attachment as that thing had with its spine,” Via said, laughing.

“Happy birthday, I slayed the beast for you,” Stolas laughed, sitting down on the couch in front of the tape deck stomach. He hesitated putting the tape on.

“Is there gonna be like…any weird sex stuff on this thing? Do I need to leave?”

Stolas’ face flushed.

“Via, please! What do you take Blitz for?”

They both looked at each other flatly.

“I’ll let you know if you need to leave,” Stolas said, reminding himself of who this was all about to begin with. He inhaled, exhaled, and popped the tape in, making sure to rewind to the beginning. Stolas looked at Via, she motioned for him to press play.

Click

[sound of tape hiss]

“-ying to record something sweetie! Gonna be in my office for a while.”

“Whatever, no one’s called anyway”

“Good girl, keeping us posted”

[sound of footsteps, door closing, door locking, more footsteps]

Oh shit it’s alr-

[sound of punch-in]

Ok uh…this is Blitz. I think you know that if you’re listening to this. I probably gave this to you, probably made a big production of “hey don’t listen to my secret tape or whatever” but I uh…made it. For you. It’s really stupid and cheesy but we’ve started talking again and I don’t know i’ve never made one of these for anyone before. 

[sound of swivel chair leaning back]

We would always make fun of the kids who looked like they’d make mixtapes for their ‘sweethearts’ or whatever. And then you grow up and realize those kids were probably really happy just making those things for anyone, and…whoever got it must have been really special for them to sit through this whole fucking process. 

I’m…not good with…talking about these things. With anyone. With my employees, my daughter. I’m definitely not comfortable enough talking to you about it, otherwise why would i be making this thing and not just…augh.

Sorry. 

You're gonna hear me apologize a lot. I know you hate that. 

[sound of cough] 

Ok uh, this is a song by a topside band I caught two minutes of on a job. We chased this skinhead into a club and got him good. I wanted to stay but Moxxie insisted we “not make a scene” and “stick around with a dead corpse”, whatever. 

It’s called, uh, hold on…

It’s called uh, “Colossus” by uh, Idles. And uh…it’s maybe some angrier stuff than you’re used to.

Sorry.

Sorry for making a mixtape as therapy, Stol.

Ok.

[sound of punch-in, “Colossus” by Idles begins]

I was done in on the weekend

The weekend lasted twenty years

The world's best bulimic bartend

Tender, violent, and queer…

Stolas covered his face with a pillow a good thirty seconds into the recording. Hearing Blitz talk so openly when it was just him and a microphone, so candidly and warm. It made him want to weep with joy when his suspicions were correct. That this was for him.

“Dad?” Via said, poking the pillow.

“Hnnnnmmmmmmmmnmnn!!” Stolas cried.

“Are you gonna listen to the song?”

Stolas pulled the pillow away, wiping his eyes and trying to compose himself.

“I will. You can stay or go back to bed, Via. If there’s anything objectionable enough for you-”

“I know, I know, I’ll hold it over you until you die”

“That’s my girl”

They sat and let a litany against generational toxicity blare out from the tiny speaker.

Forgive me father, I have sinned, 

I’ve drained my body full of pins

I’ve danced ‘til dawn with splintered shins

Full of pins, full of pins 

Of course it was this fucking song. A favorite of his but one he used for moments more cathartic and rage-filled than what he was looking for at the moment. 

Blitz walked down the entrance stairs of The Dewclaw. It was a dark bar lit with bare electric red bulbs, covering pool tables, beer bottles, a broken karaoke machine, and the Barrel of Condoms in the corner with a blood red light. There was a small crowd slam-dancing and grinding against each other to a mix of industrial metal, electro, and hardcore.

The Barrel had seen better nights. It probably hadn’t been refilled in a year. The plastics inside probably hardened and useless by now.

Maybe I should live in the Barrel. 

“Blitz you fuckin’ queef, where’ve you been?”

Blitz jumped up on the barstool sitting next to a tough looking leather daddy and a sleeping truck driver to reply to Judee, the bartender.

“Judee I need whiskey,” Blitz said, attempting Cool Barfly. “I am 35 years old and I have too much on my mind and it has been a fucking DAY.”

“Sour, soda, pickle back?” Judee, a rail thin imp with a chipped horn and an eyepatch offered.

“One of each, gonna be a sitting and sipping kinda night”

“Need a tab?”

Blitz started to pull out his wallet.

“Pal, your credit is fucking useless here, man” Judee laughed.

Blitz pulled out the Cumpany Card. 

“Now, HIS credit is perfect,” Judee said, swiping Moxxie’s credit card from Blitz’s hand and taping a sticky note to it, writing on it “Bitchø”. 

Judee lined up a pickle back and some seltzer to wash it down. Blitz knocked the whiskey and brine shots down quickly before gagging.

“It never tastes good!” he cried out. “Fuck!”

“It’s not supposed to!” Judee said. “It’s more like a meal. Here’s your sour. Need the soda yet?”

“I’ll let you know. Keep it cold for me.”

“I’m not going to do that!” Loona yelled as Blitz made his way into the undulating crowd to rub up against anything that could pull him back for good.

This is a really smart and good idea.

[sound of song ending, a punch-out, Blitz finishing a glass of water] 

Throat, blech. 

Ok that was uh Hank The Lesser with “I Shot You But I Didn’t Want To”. I’d use it to rave myself up for the nights we had to really have to limber up for a crowd. 

Stolas’ attention was fixated on the tape deck, Song after song, genre after genre, message after message. He was learning so much about Blitz just from the way he would introduce a song or relay something that happened in his day. 

A few things he learned. 

-Blitz was an incredibly sad man. 

-Blitz was an incredibly nerdy man. 

-Blitz was secretly a huge softy, with songs leaning toward the sentimental, regardless of volume or performance. 

-Blitz loved cowboy songs, or songs about cowboys. 

-Blitz absolutely was not doing a good job of hiding his feelings right now. 

Oh shit i’m almost out o-

The tape deck clicked loudly, signaling the end of the side. Via startled awake.

“I’m up!” she said.

Stolas leaned over and kissed her on the head. “Go to bed, starfire, sleep in tomorrow”

“Mmmhm,” she said, groggily stumbling upstairs.

“Love you, dear!”

“Munnvyoudadnngh”

Stolas went to flip the tape over to Side B. He was about to press play when the landline phone rang.

“Who in hell is calling this late…” he grumbled, making his way to pick up the phone. “Hello? Prince Stolas speaking.”

“Hey”

Stolas coughed in shock.

“Blitz! Hi! Is, is everything alright?”

“Uhhhhhhhhh, not…entirely.”

“What’s wrong? Where are you?”

“I need you to p-promise me you’re not going to freak out on me”

“I…Blitz what happened?

Here’s what happened.

Blitz’s tongue was halfway down the throat of a tall, rugged Sinner with a spiked jean vest and a shaved head. They were in the bathroom stall, awkwardly, intensely making out. Blitz was now neck deep fully in his self-destructive experiment. Three drinks in, slightly tipsy, he grabbed the nearest guy who looked halfway by himself and made a motion for the bathroom.

The stranger’s hand was going down the front of Blitz’s pants.

“Ooh, nice present you got for me, partner” he said, grabbing Blitz’s cock hard.

“Ahh, easy there, daddy, I bruise easily and I don’t think you’re a r-register–registered n-nurse oh ok you’re pretty good”

Blitz was sitting on the toilet as the stranger started going down on him. Sloppy, aggressive, nothing like the care and seduction he had been getting used to. It felt fine. It wasn’t the worst blowjob he had gotten. He’d gotten worse from Stolas the first couple of times the prince attempted it. They had a long talk, maybe their first adult conversation, about the benefits of teeth or no-teeth. It was the first time Stolas made Blitz laugh.

Blitz was becoming lost in thought, dissociating from the sub-par blowjob, letting his body go into autopilot. The usual, “yeah baby,” “oh you suck me good, that’s right”, like it was coming from a recording.

His eyes closed, Blitz instinctively reached for soft feathered hair to run his claws through. Instead he was met with a smooth, veiny mass of flesh. He rubbed and prodded in an attempt to find some purchase, something to grab onto. He ran a hand over what had to be a sensitive area.

“Hey watch it, bud, I just got that the other day, it’s still healing” the stranger said.

“Got wha- Fucking what the fuck are you goddamn kidding me is that a motherfucking iron cross?!”

“So what if it is, you got a prob-”

Blitz kicked the stranger in the face, pushing him out of the stall. He yanked up his jeans.

“Out!” he yelled, kicking the stranger out of the bathroom, “get the fuck OUT. Fucking idiot, you’re in hell why the fuck did you get a stupid nazi tattoo, are you fucking twelve? Think you’re fucking edgy you dipshit?”

“Fuck you, bitch!” the stranger yelled from the floor, swinging his foot to trip Blitz and bring him down crashing onto a table, knocking glasses and cans to the ground. Blitz went full feral, bouncing back from the fall and pouncing on the stranger, landing heavy blows to his chin and head, getting a few punches onto the tattoo and some kicks below the belt.

The bouncer came over and pulled Blitz off the stranger.

“Ok you two, fuckin cool it. You, out”

The bouncer literally kicked the stranger hard in the ass, propelling him through the door up half the stairs. The bouncer then shoved Blitz back to the ground.

“You let US handle these creeps, ok shorty?” he growled down at Blitz.

“Fuck you, muscles. I’ve taken down worse!” Blitz cried out, the fight not out of him yet. He was trembling, eyes blinking rapidly. His breathing got quicker and he suddenly started feeling the room around him growing larger, then smaller, then he fell back down.

Judee jumped out from the bar and scooped Blitz up.

“Hey, hey, bud,” Judee said, suddenly her nursing degree kicking in, “look up at me. Fingers? How many fingers?”

“One, and fuck you too”
“Ok, did that guy give you anything? Did he give you a drink?”

“No, just had the drinks you made. We just made out in the bathroom and then…”

Blitz threw his hands up, mouth agape.

“A fucking iron cross, Jude. Like who are you trying to impress down here with that thing?”

“Ok, Blitz, can you get up?”

“Yeah.” Blitz stood up slowly, knees and knuckles aching. He felt like he was having a heart attack, his breathing got heavier and wouldn’t stop. Judee helped him to his feet.

“Kev, I’m taking Blitz to the green room to chill, watch the front”

An agreeable looking imp behind the bar gave a thumbs up as Judee balanced Blitz, walking him to the “green room”, basically a half-storage room with a ratty couch and a mini fridge. Judee helped Blitz sit down on the couch. She dug through the mini fridge, grabbed a tepid bottle of water, and handed it to Blitz.

“Drink, take this for the pain” she said, handing Blitz the water and two aspirin she pulled from her fanny pack. Blitz took it immediately, swigging down half the bottle.

“And this for the panic attack,” she said, pulling out a prescription bottle of Xanax, snapping a pill in half and giving it to him. 

“Fucking Xanax?” Blitz said, the room still spinning.

“Fucking take it now and lay the fuck down, asshole”

Blitz looked at the crescent moon half-pill, took it, drank the rest of the water, and lay back on the couch. Holding his head in his hands he started screaming into his palms.

“What the fuck did i do” he moaned.

“You made out with some guy in the bathroom and he turned out to be a creep,” Judee said, kneeling down to Blitz’s level. “It happens maybe five times a night here. You just happen to be Hell’s Little Exception and made it a fuckin production”

“Oh thank you for the reassurance”

“Oh you wanted reassurance, whoops”

Blitz laughed, wincing in pain. “Ahhh…I shouldn’t have come. I had an out, Jude. I could have just gone to his fucking house and gotten over myself. I had to be a stupid kid, had to see if I (ow) really wanted a relationship so I had to risk getting The Clap from a fucking nazi punk.”

Jude grabbed some ice from the mini-fridge and wrapped some paper towels around the clump of ice.

“Head,” she said, handing it to Blitz who plopped it on his head and face. “Lay here for a minute, call him”

Without looking Blitz stuck his hand in his pocket to feel cracked glass and plastic. He pulled what was left of his phone after the fight out of his pocket, bits falling to the ground.

Jude sighed. “Hold on, lemme grab mine. Fuckin’ mess.”

“Wasn’t my fault this time!” Blitz called out. “Mostly!"

A purple light shone through a light rain outside The Dewclaw about 30 minutes after Blitz made the call. A portal appeared and Stolas walked out in a beige overcoat. He walked down the club’s stairs and into a mostly empty room, a couple of older men leaning up against each other, swaying back and forth, bar staff running around to tables and gathering abandoned cups and cans.

Stolas walked up to the bar.

“Um, excuse me, is a Judee here?” he asked Judee at the bar.

“Right here, slim,” she said. “What can I do ya for? Only have cans right now”

“Oh, I’m here for Blitz”

“OHHHHHHHH, Fuck! Ok, yes, ok, yeah, ok, you’re Stolas. Ok, right. He’s told me a lot about you, I should’ve recognized, Ok, he’s back here. Come on.”

Stolas smiled politely and followed Judee back to the Green Room where Blitz was still splayed out on the couch, his eyes covered with another lump of ice in a paper towel.

“Ok I need you to remember I told you not to freak o-” Blitz said, not looking up.

“Judee, a moment alone, please.” Stolas said, calmly.

Judee stepped backwards.

“We uh, close in thirty minutes,” she said, taking another step back and closing the door.

Stolas kneeled down to Blitz’s level and didn’t say anything.

“I fucked up, Stol,” Blitz said quietly. “I tried to…trick my stupid brain…I thought I needed to know. Know that…it felt awful, Stol. The, the noise, the drinks didn’t taste good, the…he wasn’t you. He wasn’t, he wasn’t worth leaving all this for. Wanting to change for. I’m so…”

Blitz was tearing up, his breath becoming uneasy.

“I’m so fucking sorry…you shouldn’t be here…you shouldn’t have to deal with this. You shouldn’t have to deal with me …”

Stolas took Blitz’s head in his hands.

“Listen to me, Blitz” he said, sternly. “I cannot articulate right now how absolutely furious I am with you. After this entire, stressful, wonderful, stressful day, I offered you a night of comfort and you…did you mean to throw it back in my face like this? With a fucking…I don’t even want to think about that creep. ”

“No! I promise. I mean it, I…I can’t explain it. It made sense to me driving here, I just needed to know if…oh god I gotta say it…”

Stolas’ anger started to plateau. He still held Blitz’s face in his hands. He could tell Blitz had been crying, his eyes pickled with tears. Stolas stroked the back of Blitz’s head.

“I needed to know if this was real.” Blitz croaked out. “If what I was feeling was worth giving into. If I could just…be…with you and have it…have it work…and…fuck I fucked up so badly. This doesn’t make any goddamn sense, I’m so sorry-”

Stolas pressed a thumb to Blitz’s lips and pressed their foreheads together.

“Shh, stop talking, you…” Stolas whispered. “It makes…sense, for you. You felt you needed to punish yourself for wanting to be happy…I can’t say it’s healthy, but it’s something I’m familiar with.”

Blitz cried silently as Stolas held their heads together with one hand, holding the imp’s hand with another. “Shhh, just breathe, Blitz. I’ve got you.”

“I’m so sorry, Stolas.” Blitz whispered. “I don’t deserve you but I want to…to earn you. To know that I’m good enough”

Stolas placed a kiss on Blitz's forehead. “You have me, dear. You deserve me, and I’m here.”

Blitz wrapped his arms around Stolas’ neck, laying his head on the prince’s shoulder. Stolas held him back, rocking him gently. They stayed like that for about five minutes, Stolas allowing Blitz to dry up and get his breathing back.

“I need you to drive me home,” Blitz said suddenly. “More for the van than for me”

Stolas’ eyes went wide.

“I haven’t driven anything in 20 years, Blitz.” Stolas said, a nervous smile frozen on his face. “And you need me to drive us to the palace in your van?”

“Not the palace, my place,” Blitz said. “It’s closer, no highway.”

Stolas sighed, pulling Blitz into his chest.

“I haven’t forgiven you yet and you are making it worse” , Stolas said, laughing at the absurdity of this fucking day.

“Ten and two, ten and two,” muttered Blitz.

“Hush, I’m not completely useless,” Stolas said, backing the van up slowly over the curb, jostling Blitz off the rear seat. “Least I remembered my seatbelt” 

“Ok now run my head over”

“Climb back up, buckle up, let me put my five drivers ed sessions to use”

“Oof, yes, sir.” Blitz climbed up to the front seat, buckling up and leaning against the window.

Stolas drove the van slowly through the thankfully empty streets, lost in thought and nervous concentration. Blitz picked at some chipped fabric on the armrest.

They were halfway home before either of them said anything.

“Was anything about him good?” Stolas asked.

“The bar nazi? Hell no. Couldn’t kiss for shit, smelled like mold.” Blitz said, not looking at Stolas. “...he used his teeth. And not like interchangeably, I mean the teeth were present the whole time. It was miserable.”

“I know I asked you this already but why do you do this to yourself, Blitz? You have more people in your life willing to put up with you than not. And even if you didn’t you’d have me.”

“Hmmf.”

Blitz was silent for a minute longer.

“Maybe I think it’s easier to fuck up a good thing and bolt than try,” Blitz muttered.

“You’ve had how many drinks and you’re that succinct?”

“You’re suck-stink”

Some more silence.

“Stolas, I’m s-”

“Blitz if you apologize to me one more time I’m crashing the van. I mean it. I know you’re sorry, I know you feel bad, I…I know. Just…ok we’re here.”

Stolas parked the van on the street and helped Blitz out of the van, keeping him propped up as they walked to the apartment door.

“Which key is the house key?” Stolas asked.

“The uh, the silver one”

“They’re all silver”

“The smoothest one then”

Stolas tried one key, didn’t work, tried a second, it unlocked.

“Ok, come on, you,” Stolas said, helping Blitz walk through the door.

“I can walk, dingus”

“You sustained some nasty injuries, Blitz, and I’m not leaving you to deal with them alone, so for once please accept my lov-my help”

“I do. I’m sorry,” Blitz sounded completely spent, tired from the neverending day. “I asshept your love.”

“I, I didn’t mean to-”

“Nope! You said it, it’s out in the open, and I accept it”

Loona stared at them from the couch. She was halfway through a bowl of cereal and watched the most pathetic confession scene in the world play out in front of her.
“Uh…is he ok?” Loona said, getting both men’s attention.

“Hey, Loonie, Daddy got too fun and Dad 2 had to take me home” Blitz was now stumbling through the room slowly to the bedroom, his face a trembling mask of Everything’s Fine and I’m Not About To Sob Myself To Sleep. Stolas was beside himself with embarrassment. 

“You smell like old beer and blood, did you go to fucking Dewclaw without me?”

“Wasn’t planned, sweetie! Need to sleep. Thanks for the ride, Stol, t-talk at ya soon if you still like me! Night, gang!”

Before Stolas could say anything Blitz disappeared into his bedroom, closing the door. 

Stolas stood in the middle of the room like a fool. What the hell had just happened? He moved zombie-like to the couch, sitting next to Loona, who looked supremely uncomfortable. 

“He is the most frustrating man I have ever met,” Stolas said, head in hands, absentmindedly scratching a cheek. “I showed up to that bar and he was bruised and beaten and crying like a child after a playground fight. Anyone else I would have just portaled them back to their home. Your…your father made me drive him home, and he apologized for everything, and he…I hate him so much right now but I never want to leave.” 

Loona let him talk. 

“I know he’s trying. It was all going so well. Today was so wonderful. Stressful, fun. He just had to…augh. Why does he want to put himself through all of this? Why does he want to punish himself for being happy?”

“Because he isn’t happy,” Loona said, finally. “At least not like a normal person gets happy. He’s…he had a long, hard life before we met. Before he even met, or, re-met you. He wants to be happy but I think he wants it for the wrong reasons. He wants to be happy so we’re happy. That’s kind of his whole fucking deal.”

“But it’s making us all miserable”

“Yeah, dude, I didn’t say it was a good fucking plan.”

Stolas sighed, standing up and walking to the wall of photos. Frowning at the multiple crossed-out Blitzs.

“He doesn’t deserve to think of himself like this.” he said. “He doesn’t deserve all of this self-flagellation for anyone’s benefit, least of all his own.”

“So tell him that,” Loona said, standing up next to Stolas.

“We spent the past hour litigating this, my dear. And I know in the morning he’ll pretend like this whole evening never happened. Just to make things easier on the rest of us.”

They were silent for a moment.

Loona reached up to put her hand on his shoulder.

“So don’t let him off the hook this time,” she said

Blitz was in the middle of a rough sleep, his legs twitching, pumping out steps like he was running in place. His blanket only on half his body, he was clutching onto a pillow for dear life and moaning in discomfort.

His dreams were relentlessly weird and intense. Shapeless replays of the worst of the days’ events and ghosts from his past popping up with distorted “I Told You So”s.

“nnnnnn, “ he moaned softly, “fuckin, stop…Stol-...leave me…fuck..”

Blitz subconsciously felt arms snake around him, pulling him from the darkness of the dream. His eyes flickered open.

“Shhh, it’s alright, dear,” Stolas whispered. He had climbed into Blitz’s admittedly a-bit-too-small bed and held the imp tight. “Just a bad dream, it’s ok”

“Stolas…I’m so sorry, I’m go-I’m gonna make it up to you…” Blitz, half-asleep tearfully whispered.

“I know you will, Blitz, I know.” 

Blitz turned to bury his face in Stolas’ chest. “You don’t, you don’t have to forgive m-”

“Shhh, none of that. I forgive you, Blitz. Just breathe, try and get some sleep. It’s been a long day”

“You can leave me if you want”

“I never want that, I never ever want that, love. I’m right here. Just close your eyes. It’s going to be ok” Stolas placed gentle kisses on Blitz’s forehead. “I’m here.” 

Blitz’s voice grew very faint, words blending into each other.

“lnuveyoutoo”

Blitz drifted off, snoring slightly as his tail wrapped around Stolas’ leg. Stolas forced himself to come down from the high of a half-asleep reciprocation and held Blitz gingerly in his arms.

Tomorrow is going to be…a day, he heard himself think as he drifted off soon after. They were snoring softly, a mound of feathers and flesh splayed out on top of each other. It was around 3 AM.

Tomorrow was, in fact, going to be A Day. 

—

Chapter Text

Blitz woke up slowly. It felt as if his entire body were made of hardened paper maché; very carefully he checked to see if each limb was able to move on its own. Bones creaking under stiff, bruised skin, the occasional pop. Yes, everything was still in one piece, nothing missing, nothing broken.

And then he suddenly became aware of his head.

“motherFUCKer,” he moaned, slapping his hands onto the sides of his temple, squeezing to distract from a world record hangover. He curled up in a fetal position, groaning into a blanket cocoon and rocking himself back and forth. “Whyyyyyyyy,” he pleaded. Through a half-open eye he flicked at a dark feather poking up from the comforter.

feather 

SHIT

As if suddenly two pots of coffee deep he jolted out of the bed, rolling onto the floor still wrapped in his cocoon. The entirety of last night suddenly played through his brain, taking extra special care to not speed through the extremely embarrassing moments.

The nazi creep’s teeth on his dick

Crying in the green room

“I love you too”

“I love you too”

“I love you too”

“I love you too”

Blitz smacked his head to move the skipping needle from the last thing he recalled but shouldn’t be able to. 

He suddenly heard a voice coming from the kitchen, humming and hooting a familiar tune.

“ I turned around…hmmmmm…what did i learn…”

Fuck he’s still here

Ok let’s go over our options.
The window in this room is directly facing a brick wall with only a one foot gap inbetween so escaping through here is going to be tight and you’re not limber enough to make it work. The floors are squeaky directly in front of the bedroom door so your only way out is to jump from inside of the room to the front door which would end up causing more of a scene than just walking on the squeaky floorboards. It seems your only reasonable option here is to grab the lamp and start beating yourself with it until you die or pass out, whichever comes first. 

Blitz was reaching for the lamp when he smelled the very distinct odor of french toast and coffee.

You can beat yourself to death with a lamp after french toast, there isn’t a time limit on this.

Blitz threw on an extra large shirt that said “Horse Girl and President For Life” and quietly made his way into the kitchen.

He crept in, peeking his head around the corner and nearly passed out. 

Stolas was sitting at the kitchen table, reading one of Blitz’s books on the history of Earth Guns, with a notepad and a coffee mug sitting at both sides, respectively. Stolas was wearing a wrinkled white shirt and green sweater vest, brown slacks. He looked disheveled, exhausted, but with a wry grin on his face as he perused the book.

Blitz had never been more immediately, profoundly horny in his life. 

squeak 

Stolas’ head shot up.

“Oh! Good morning, Blitz,” he was cheerful despite his slightly haggard appearance. “French toast is in the oven, coffee’s where the coffee is, sit down when you’re ready”

Blitz was silent, his hands wringing together as he was motionlessly staring up at the DILF in his kitchen.

“Go on, dear,” Stolas said, taking a sip of his coffee and turning his attention back to the book.

Blitz grabbed a cup of coffee and opened the oven, turned on its lowest setting to keep the plate of french toast warm.

Goddammit that is the ultimate trick, who taught him that

He carefully took out the plate with a bunched up part of his shirt and clicked the oven “off.” He then sat down in front of Stolas at the kitchen table. Stolas didn’t look up from his book for a minute.

Blitz coughed, making a motion to say something.

“I-”

Stolas held a hand in front of Blitz's mouth. 

“Only questions,” Stolas said. 

“What?”

Stolas reached out to the egg timer on the counter, twisted it and clicked it to “30”.

“30 minutes. Questions only from both of us, starting now.” Stolas placed the egg timer on the counter behind him. 

Blitz attempted to protest but knew deep down it would be useless. Stolas had complete control over this situation. The motherfucker made french toast. Blitz was whipped. 

“Who goes first?” Blitz asked.

Stolas smiled. “Doesn’t matter. Might help if you started, though.”

Blitz nodded, taking a couple bites of the french toast. This was his bread, his milk, his eggs , his sugar and spices. And Stolas made it taste as if it were made from gold.

“Where did you learn to make french toast this fucking good?” he asked, mouth full of bread and coffee. Stolas leaned back with his arms folded behind his head, looking off into the distance for the memory. 

“There was a butler of ours. Friendly fellow. He was a good man. Probably saw more of him than my own father on most days. When I was about twelve he showed me the trick to perfect french toast every time.”

“Dry out the bread the night before?”

“You dry out the bread the night before. And you don’t soak it in the morning, you just dip it. A drop of bourbon in the batter doesn’t hurt either”

Blitz nodded, stuck from agreeing in the affirmative vocally he gave Stolas a very sincere thumbs-up.

“How long have you and Loona lived here?” Stolas asked, taking another sip of coffee. 

“Going on four years?” Blitz replied, holding his cup in his hands. “Our last place wasn’t big enough, and even now we’re kind of stretching it. We’re not in the best neighborhood as you could probably tell but I wanted to…to give her a bit of a leg up in feeling like an adult after being where she was for so long. At first, we kind of approached it in the long run as sort of a roommate situation, to keep her happy.”

Blitz looked down in his cup.

“She has her own room, she can come and go as she pleases. But I just wanted her to know that i…that I trust her. And I love her. And she can rely on me to help without being overbearing. I don’t do a very good job of communicating that last part”

Stolas extended a hand across the table. Blitz hesitated but took it into his own. 

“Why did you really want me to drive you up to your daughter’s recital?” he asked.

Stolas paused. This was your plan, you gotta answer.

“I legitimately missed you. As whatever you wanted us to be, I would have been happy just being in your company. The drive gave me a chance to see you a bit more in your element. And I loved talking to you on the phone so much I…I just wanted to put that voice to the face I missed looking at.” Stolas squeezed Blitz’s hand. 

Blitz remained silent, his blushing grimace communicating novels.

“Why did you actually leave your jacket over at the palace?” Stolas asked.

“You already asked me this”

“I want you to be fully honest with me this time. This is what this is all about.”

Blitz sighed, nodding. His response was a near whisper, visibly struggling with getting the words out.

“I wanted an excuse to come back and see you. Because even though that place is a cavernous fucking pit of despair because of your goddamn family you always make me feel welcome. You always made me feel welcomed.”

Stolas could cry but maintained composure. They sat in silence for a few minutes, holding each other’s hand as Blitz chowed down on toast, contemplating the next question. He drank some more coffee and finally spoke.

“Why didn’t you leave last night?”

That hurt. But Stolas could tell it wasn’t an accusatory question, wasn’t being asked by someone who was looking to be alone.

“Couple of reasons,” he replied. “I wanted to know that you were safe. I wanted to comfort you in your sleep, which for a while you needed- don’t protest- and I thought you needed a proper hangover breakfast. It isn’t a reward for your behavior last night, but rather me saying I will be here for you to help with anything but you don’t have to put yourself through the wringer to get that help.”

Blitz felt comforted by that. A clear enough response. 

Stolas sighed, swallowing a gulp.

“Why are there so many pictures on your wall with your face crossed out?”

It was as if all sound in Hell was removed instantly. The OFF switch punched into infinity. Blitz stared into his now empty plate, his hand now loose from Stolas’ grip like he was falling backwards away from the table.

The patience of a saint, Stolas let him get to his response on his own time. He patted Blitz’s hand, picked back up the book, and pretended to read for five minutes. It was the five longest minutes of Blitz’s life. 

“I don’t like myself.”

Stolas snapped to. The reply was the smallest he’d ever heard Blitz’s voice get. Blitz was holding himself, frowning and desperately trying to look at anything that wasn’t Stolas.

“Blitz, I’m so sorry,” Stolas said, “I didn’t mean-”

“Why do you want to be with me? And fuck up your whole life for this shitty apartment that…that smells and a cramped bed and someone who can’t even fucking function like an adult? Why do you want this? Why do you want me?”

The questions came out fast and barbed, with the intention to stun. It was effective. Stolas sat there, swirling around his coffee as he thought. He finally stood up, moved over to Blitz’s chair, and knelt. He took Blitz’s shaking hands and hummed softly, still finding the words.

“You are an incredible pain to be around sometimes,” he finally said, earning a surprised snort from Blitz. “You’re headstrong, crass, stubborn, impulsive. Thoughtful, empathetic, intuitive, incredibly handsome . You make me laugh. You made me laugh long ago. I never forgot that day, you know. I know you haven’t either, not really.”

“I remember stealing your shit,” Blitz said. “Tricking you.”

Stolas shrugged.

“True. But you didn’t leave when the job was done. You stayed until you had to leave. You could have just up and left, done and dusted. But you stayed, and when you came back all those years later you still stayed. You put up quit a wall but I know you care about the people in your life. Even if it pains you, especially if it pains you.”

Stolas stroked Blitz’s face.

“It’s something I know you’re good at. It’s a talent we all wish you’d stop feeding but I realize it’s part of who you are.”

Blitz leaned into the bird’s hand, allowing himself the warmth.

“But you don’t need to carry all of that weight alone, Blitz. I meant what I said last night. You have so many people here who love you and are here to help you. We’re not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere.”

He placed a kiss on Blitz’s knuckle.

“So stop trying to push us away because it’ll never work,” Stolas said with a smile.

Blitz sighed.

“You know I work really hard on that, right? To allow people to come in. You know it’s…it’s always going to be a struggle with me.”

Stolas nodded.

“And you’re ok with that?”

“I’m not ok with it in the sense that I like it, because you don’t like it either. But, if you’re willing, I’m saying I’m more than ok with being here to help you. At any time.”

They were silent for a moment more.

“Last question, I promise,” Stolas said.

“Shoot.”

“Did you mean what you said to me before you fell asleep last night? You don’t need to repeat it. I just need…I need to know, Blitz. That I heard what I heard.” 

Look man this is literally your last chance to jump through the window. I’m not giving you another out.

Blitz squeezed Stolas’ hand tight and inhaled.

“...I meant it.” he said, like if those words would be a sleeper-cell-awake code for the sniper to take the shot.

Instead Stolas climbed onto Blitz’s lap and wrapped his arms around his neck.

“You beautiful idiot,” he said. “I would’ve waited eons to hear you say it and you just muttered it in your sleep. You had the perfect excuse to deny it.”

“I really did,” Blitz said, smiling sheepishly. “Would have been easy to do, too.”

“I could hear the gears in your head turning, trying to find the best way to sneak out. Do I really activate your fight or flight that often?”

“Is that what we’re calling my dick now?”

Stolas guffawed. “Just kiss me you fool.”

Blitz hungrily captured Stolas’ lips, sliding his hands under the bird’s vest and curling his tail around one of his legs. Stolas straddled Blitz, shivering from his touch over seersucker.

The timer buzzed and they pulled away, startled and laughing, Blitz nuzzling into Stolas’ neck.

“Fuck, M&M are gonna be pissed. It’s like noon and I haven’t showed up yet and I don’t have a fucking phone to tell them what happened.”

“Took care of it, darling,” Stolas cooed, stroking one of Blitz’s horns. “Called them this morning, said you needed a sick day. Aside from some smug laughter they seemed to be fine with it. I portaled the water and toner to IMP a few hours ago.”

Blitz blinked.

“I have been up for some time,” Stolas tittered. "Made coffee, watered the plant, made you breakfast. Did a few crosswords."

Blitz blinked again. Stolas suddenly got ridiculously flustered when he felt something previously hidden from just a long t-shirt poke up against him.

“B-blitz! Did you seriously get an erection from me taking care of your work conflicts?” he laughed.

“‘Get’ implies it wasn’t there when I saw you looking like a fifties dad doing taxes in the goddamn kitchen,” Blitz growled.

“Is this you officially offering me a job as your secretary?” Stolas asked, eyebrows raised as he started to rub against Blitz.

“You are very lucky we don’t have HR in the building.”

Blitz lifted Stolas up into the air with both arms, over his head, earning a surprised scream from the prince.

“Aaa! What are you doing?”

“Bed.”

Blitz ran into the bedroom and plopped Stolas on the bed with a clumsy bounce. He pounced on top of the bird and started peppering kisses down his neck and stroking his thighs.

“Oh, Blitzy…oh my dear…” Stolas moaned out.

“Tell me what you need, daddy.” Blitz whispered into his neck. “You’ve got me in a very vulnerable state right now so you better fucking take advantage of it”

Stolas turned crimson.

“You have never called me that before”

“Well maybe you just need to dress the part more often.” Blitz growled. “What do you need?”

Stolas snaked his legs around the imp.

“I need you to eat me out and I need you to fucking do better than how you were in the van,” Stolas shuddered.

“It’s a VAN, what do you want from me?”

“I literally just said what I wanted”

“FINE”

Blitz swooped down between Stolas’ legs, lifted them up over his shoulders, and stuck his tongue deep up the prince’s cunt.

Stolas howled in surprise, biting his bottom lip and smiling like he won the lottery ten times over. Blitz went to town, drinking in the scents and tastes he long took for granted but never would again. He stroked Stolas’ ass and squeezed tight, rubbing his nose into the birdpuss he wanted to live beneath for the rest of his life.

“Thighs, squeeze me,” Blitz panted. “Need pressure, daddy.”

Stolas wrapped his legs around Blitz’s head, pulling him closer and squeezing his face between his thighs, earning a moan from Blitz as he ate more, occasionally pressing against Stolas’ clit, earning more squirms and squeals.

“That’s it, babe…” Blitz purred, “I’ve got you. Let go for me. Come for me, daddy”

Blitz went into overdrive, lapping up the growing wetness and moaning into the crotch as he tongue-fucked his beloved harder, as Stolas was soon pushed over the edge. Stolas turned into a fountain of praise, among other things, moaning out barely intelligible compliments and name-repetitions.

“Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou,” Stolas moaned out, squeezing his thighs tighter.

“Gonnafuckinpopstol”

“ah!”  Stolas unclenched his thighs as Blitz crawled back up to eye-level, kissing Stolas deeply, a cornucopia of tastes between the two of them. Blitz rutted against Stolas with a desperate tempo, his cock soaked with precum.

Stolas used his legs to pull the imp flush against him but still denying passageway, causing Blitz even greater distress.

“Ask, please,” Stolas whispered.

“Oh god you are mad with power”

“And?”

“May I please fuck your dumb little brains out, daddy?”

“ With gusto. ”

Blitz slid himself in, gasping from the sensation, it having been months since they had capital F fucked. His legs quivered before giving out completely, falling against Stolas and pushing up to the hilt, earning a gasp.

“Blitz, a-are you alright?” Stolas laughed.

“Four months,” Blitz moaned into Stolas’ chest. “It’s been four months since we’ve done this. I almost forgot how good you feel.”

“You’re not kidding,” Stolas said, sliding his arms under Blitz’s, wrapping them around his back. “Show me how much you really missed it,”

Blitz bit gently into Stolas’ shoulder, pumping gently into him and letting him fall into soft plumage, allowing himself to be overwhelmed by warm softness from all ends. True comfort and joy, like the christians would sing about topside. Stolas’ hips rose up to meet Blitz, cooing softly inbetween minor yelps.

“That’s it, darling, oh you fuck me so well, I’m never letting you go, I’m-”

Stolas put on a harsh, overdramatic whisper.

“-NEVER LETTING YOU GO”

Blitz cracked up, fucking him faster as they both laughed and hooted.

“Fuckin’ dork”

“Mmmmm! You love it though,”

“Y-yes…”

“You love me though.”

“Ohh…fuck…” Blitz was noticeably apprehensive but not completely against this curveball. 

“You don’t have to say it now, darling, I know, I know, it’s ok…ah…!... just kiss me, fuck me…that’s it…”

They were in the goddamn Missionary position. They were pressed up against each other, making out with zero space between them, Blitz’s pacing becoming more erratic and arrhythmic. Stolas bit down on Blitz’s bottom lip, hard enough to have a smidge of blood pool up where he bit.

“Ah…sorr-” Stolas moaned out, but was silenced with harder, deeper movements and noises that sounds like sobs of pleasure coming from the imp above.

“Stol, I’m gonna come” Blitz croaked, tears streaming down his face. “Fuck…”

“Come for me, Blitzy”

He hated how well that nickname worked on him sometimes.

Blitz slammed into Stolas, coming deep inside and feeling the inner walls tighten up. Blitz bit down Stolas’ neck, squeezing him tight.

“fffffffffffUCK” Blitz cried out, his body going completely rigid and then collapsing on top of Stolas, his cock sliding out with a satisfying plop. They were breathing loud and hard, dead to the world, could barely move limbs around each other, their mouths never closing.

Blitz, moaning as if his brain had been completely scooped out, stiffly raised an arm and patted Stolas’ head with his entire arm with broad motions. Stolas reciprocated, both of them moaning and giving each other “good game” congratulations as it was all they could muster in their condition.

“My brathtub is very very small but,” Blitz babbled out. “showler should be bigennuf”

“Showler” Stolas parroted.
—

Blitz did his best washing Stolas’ back in the cramped shower. Stolas was crouched down, attempting to give enough room to be washed. The bird hooted cheerfully as Blitz sudsed him up, preening stray feathers and shampooed his…head…feathers. Still trying to figure out what this stuff is. It felt nice, no matter what the terminology was.

Blitz was smiling but silent, lost in thought.

“You alright?” Stolas asked, washing his face with some lotion he had portaled over beforehand.

“Yeah, I’m great. I mean it. I’m just thinking.”

“Well that’s scary”

“Asshole,” Blitz sneered, pinching Stolas’ side. “My turn.”

Blitz stood with his back to stupid, flexible Stolas, who was able to bend perfectly to match the imp’s stature to wash his back.

“You having fun back there?” Blitz asked when certain areas were being paid attention to more than others.

“Blitz, I am having a ball,” Stolas said, kissing the top of his head.

Blitz scoffed, smiling and folding his arms. This was nice. If this became the new normal around here he wouldn’t complain. He’d actually love it.

“Hmmmmmmmmmmmm” Blitz hmm’d.

“Ok what exactly are you thinking about?”

“We never actually ever went on a first date.”

“Hmm” 

“Right?”

“Well what are you proposing?”

“I’m proposing I actually sack up and ask you out on a date. If you have the rest of the day free-”

“I do”

“-I’d like to take you around the town proper. If that’s alright.”

“If what’s alright, you asking me out or the date?” Blitz could feel Stolas’ goof-ass smile behind him as he asked that.

“May I ask you out, fucker?”

“You may.”

Blitz turned around.

“Do you wanna go out with me, Stolas?” It came out as a blurt, something said before any of the weight behind the words stuck around to lips long enough to leave an impact.

“Blitz,” Stolas said, leaning down and kissing Blitz softly, “I would love to go out with you”

“Ok,” Blitz couldn’t help but smile like an idiot. “Ok.” 

He turned back around, leaning his back against the bird. Stolas wrapped his arms around him.

“Wasn’t that hard was it?” Stolas chided.

“Shut up, you”

“Mmmm. Never.”

“That’s what I thought”

Chapter Text

“Ok, I’ll pick you up at 7 after I grab a new phone,” Blitz said, throwing on a sweatshirt and sweatpants. “Need to get into my civvies for some last minute bitch work around town.”

Stolas leaned down and raised an eyebrow.

“Thought I told you you were on sick leave today,” Stolas said, poking Blitz’s forehead.

Blitz swatted his hand away.

“This one can’t wait. Gotta bribe the coffee shop to not spit in Moxxie’s drinks anymore, it’s starting to get noticeable and if I send M&M they’ll just hock a loogie sight unseen”

Stolas grimaced. “You have such a playful command of the written word, dear”

“Glad you’re finally coming around to realizing this,”

“Well, I need to smooth some things over with Octavia this morning. She’s been worried sick and I’ve only texted her slight details.”

“Don’t traumatize your kid with details, lie to her, it absolutely will not come back to bite you on the ass later on”

“The thought occurred.”

They were both dressed, staring at each other.

“...I promise I’ll try and dress a little fancier than usual for tonight,” Blitz said.

Stolas leaned down and kissed Blitz softly.

“You wear whatever makes you comfortable and I’ll match that comfort ten fold” Stolas said, smiling.

“Ok but you know I’m most comfortable in those huge fuckin’ whalebone dresses”

Stolas snorted. “I guess we’ll be two sophisticated ladies out on the town, dressed to the nines for…whatever it is you have planned”

“Don’t worry, I got it all up here” Blitz said pointing to his head.

“For a change”

“ Hey ”

They kissed once more and Stolas opened up a portal to his living room.

“See you tonight,” he whispered, maybe giving Blitz a bit of a hip sway as he walked away.

“Get out of here, dork!” Blitz laughed, slightly turned on nevertheless.

“And clean your van!” Stolas shouted before the portal closed up.

Blitz waved as the portal zipped shut. He then took two steps to the left, positioning himself perfectly to the end of the couch, and fucking plopped down, sighing out a long, exasperated “fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck”

It had been one of the better mornings in this imp’s life, hangover be damned. Speaking to Stolas and thensome had a tremendous weight fly off from his chest. 

Now came a brand spanking new tremendous weight; keeping it up. Being a good…boyfriend. Being able to say words like “boyfriend” and “date” without turning into a stuttering mess, or worse.

Just then, Loona kicked her bedroom door open. She had over-ear headphones on with music blaring through. She stood over Blitz, looking furious.

“Is he gone?” she growled.

“Uhhh…yes?”

She slapped her elbow and slammed herself down onto Blitz, then flipping him over and onto the floor in a perfect DDT flip.

“I am so happy you two made up and figured some shit out,” she said through gritted teeth, “but PEOPLE LIVE HERE and don’t need to HEAR THE FUCKING END RESULT” She walked calmly to the kitchen to retrieve a beer and the frozen peas. 

Blitz stuck up a withered shaking thumbs up.

“U-understood, sweetie,” he moaned.

Loona plopped the frozen peas down on his head.

“Glad we had this talk.” She fell onto the couch, cracked open the beer and turned the tv on. “I’m taking a sick day too, don’t see why M&M need to hold down the fort with the two of us out, ya think?”

“No,” Blitz said, pulling himself up off the ground, “doesn’t seem incredibly fair”
Loona looked up at Blitz with an eyebrow raised.

“Don’t boss me , around, Missy, I was headed out anyway”

Blitz snatched the beer from her hand, took a giant swig, and left the house, the bag frozen peas balancing on his head.

Loona cringed and then yelled out the door.

“Buy new peas! Asshole!”

Possibly by coincidence, possibly by the mercy of an eldritch being, the IMP office was calm. Moxxie had taken the receptionist’s desk to answer the occasional phone call and catch up on paperwork. Millie was neck deep in the surprisingly labyrinthian inner workings of the printer, installing the new toner cartridges.

“Damn thing’s like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube,” she grumbled.

“I tried that once, “ Moxxie said, climbing down to her level.

“How’d that turn out for ya?”

“Well I learned I needed to not be as cheap with toothpaste anymore and spring for the double-tube pack”

“Ha!” Millie laughed. There was a satisfying “ka-chunk” sound. “Got it!”

She pulled her head out of the guts of the machine. Her hair was a mess, there was ink splattered in her face, and she was covered in sweat.

“Fuck you lookin’ at, Mox?” she giggled.

“Oh, nothing, just the prettiest imp this side of the pentagram”

“Aaaaa, I look a mess,” Millie laughed, hiding her face. Moxxie was leaning against her, kissing her face over and over. “Mox! Ahahaha, stop!”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“Absolutely not”

They both fell into the printer, making out among the wires and hard plastic. And everything was going fantastic.

SLAM

“Ok gang, drop your socks and grab your cocks it’s quittin’ time!”

Everything was fantastic.

“Just pretend he’s not here, hun. He sees by movement,” Millie whispered.

“Hey are you two fuckin’ in the printer? That’s new. Sounds uncomfortable.” Blitz was kneeling down next to them near the open printer’s entrance, coffee cups in hand. “Anyway, I’m sending y’all home, we’re all taking a sick day.”

“Is that what we’re calling it?” Moxxie asked smugly, both him and Millie exchanging knowing smirks.

“Shove it, Mox, you are literally in the wrong position to talk and don’t get on my ass I used that word right”

“He’s got you there, Mox” Mille said.

“ OH my satan” Moxxie climbed out of the printer. “Both of you”

“No lip, bud,” Blitz said, handing him his coffee, “here. You should notice a distinct "Not Including Spit” flavor.”

Moxxie took a sniff of the coffee and then a sip.

It was his order to a tee. And it did taste better than usual.

“How did you…what did you do?” Moxxie asked incredulously.

“Amazingly, in Hell, if you promise someone to kill someone else for free, Mox, doors just open up for you.” 

“Thank you, B”, Mille said, taking her coffee and kicking Moxxie’s foot sharply.

“Thanks, Blitz” Moxxie said, savoring the first perfect cup of coffee he’d been given in forever. His eyes glanced down to the writing on the cup and he frowned. Mille looked over and snorted.

“You do have a cute ass,“Cute Ass" " she said, squeezing Moxxie’s cute ass.

“HA” Blitz scream-laughed. “Ok you two get the hell out of here and do whatever it is you do when I’m not setting up spy cams outside your windows. Got some stuff to do before I lock up.” 

Blitz pushed them out of the door. “See you tomorrow!” He slammed the door and immediately dashed into his office, digging through piles of mail.

“Shit shit shit I knew I was saving it somewhere…a-ha!”

Blitz found a mailer from Subs 4 Subs advertising a Buy One get One Half Off promotion.

“He’s gonna love how frugal I can be,” Blitz said, beaming. "Mr. Responsibility"

And then, without warning, The Shame.

What the fuck dude a damn sub coupon, is this you trying? Think harder.

The internet, that’ll solve everything.

Blitz pulled out his new phone, the brand new glass screen protector already cracked, and started searching desperately for “first date places”, then “food first date”, then “why does my new phone smell bad?”, then “how to clean a phone without breaking it”, then “first date food ideas”, and finally found a place.

Hmmmmmmm. Mid budget, good reviews, intimate but not crowded. 

“Ok”.

He watered the lemon tree, flicked off all the lights, set the alarm, and drove home to take a second shower, having sweat clean through his clothes.

Stolas emerged from his second shower, having to properly preen and primp himself and make sure he smelled his absolute best. He dried himself off, humming a tune he remembered listening to as a teenager, smiling that he had someone to connect it to for once. 

“ It’s not the pale moon that excites me, that thrills and delights me, oh no, bum bum bum, it’s just the nearness of you…”

He dug through his closet, giving each garment a more skeptical once-over than usual, needing to find something that was formal but not anything that was going to make Blitz uncomfortable from overformality, casual but clean. His hand grabbed the cloak he had worn to Ozzie’s and he froze.

The star void that lined the cloak was shining, a little brighter than he remembered.

They talked about so many things, confessed so much to each other.

They had yet to even broach the topic of what happened at Ozzie’s. Too painful. Too…intimate of a wound for both of them, he imagined. They had shown the worser sides of themselves that night. Blitz’s deception and refusal of Stolas’ offer to talk it over, and Stolas’ naivety and shame. He could never be ashamed of his love for Blitz. But that night, with everyone looking at him, judging him for daring to shtup below his status as a prince. 

Prince Stolas with an imp’s dick in his mouth.

The only part of that thought that drove him to shame was the Prince.

There was no way out of his situation that didn’t involve immense sacrifice, bordering on danger. 

But that didn’t mean he didn’t deserve to be happy. To love, and to be loved, by someone who can stand to be in his company without payment or clout getting in the way.

Stolas put the cloak back on the rack, pushing it far, far aside. He picked a dark blue cardigan and a white undershirt, usually reserved for sleeping. He slid on some black dress shorts and grabbed a flower from the pot on his bedside table. He pinned it to his chest.

Ok, this can work.

“Hey, dad, come here!” Via called out from the living room.

“Coming, dear!” Stolas walked downstairs.

“I think you need to hear this,” Via said, hovering over the snapped-neck Woobly tape machine.

“Via, I wasn’t done listening to that yet!” Stolas half-chided. “What if there was something-”

“There wasn’t. But…ok let me rewind, it’s right at the end.” 

She rewound the tape, checking a few times to get the timing right.

“Ok, ok here it is.” Via pulled back. She made a motion for her dad to sit on the couch. He did, looking puzzled. “I’m gonna go upstairs, you stay here”

“Oh! Ok, dear.”

Via dashed out of the living room, with a visible smile.

The end of the last song faded out. Blitz did his dj routine letting Stolas know which song it was and why he picked it.

“Ok so this is the end of the tape. Uh…thank you? For listening to all of this? I’m really, uh, humbling myself making this, telling you all these things. That are SECRET so don’t fucking tell anyone even if they torture you.”

Stolas laughed at that.

“ That was a joke. I used to be good at those. I mean, I think I’m still good at them but the audiences change. Throwing good bits at Loonie and M&M, I get…varied? Responses? …I’m glad you laugh at them. That you…did laugh.

I put on a kind of bitch face about it when anyone who Knows Me knows me brings it up. That’s not many people. But I remember that day like I just woke up from it. I remember making you laugh, offering you a job at my clown business. I remember you hugging me when my dad came to pick me up. I remember hugging back. I thought I was gonna come back all the time. But dad found some other rubes to fleece and didn’t want to have to deal with your dad or attempt to…[sigh]...to change himself for anyone.

…in hindsight I can kind of see that as him wanting to remain…i don’t know, independent? Proud? But when he didn’t change for the rest of us, when we needed him to, we wondered what he could be proud of. 

[a very long pause]

Ok I uh. Hold on.

[sound of plastic clacking, random notes being played, volume being adjusted]

I wanted to play you this. I’ve been thinking about the moon a lot lately, for, heh, obvious reasons. There’s a song I never really paid too much attention to. Sounded too soft or whatever whenever it would come up on the radio or playlists or whatever. But talking to you these couple of months…I think I can do soft. I think I can change myself a little bit, to do soft.

Ok please don’t make fun of me later for this, I’m doing my best. 

[sound of Blitz coughing, two false starts, “fuck”, “ok”, sound of tiny digital piano playing simple melody]

The red moon is rising behind you

The ocean is pounding away

I held up a light to the smoke but

The redness blows it away

And the night is cold

And the clouds go by

Tomorrow morning

I hope to be home

By your side

The riptide is pulling me under

I'm drifting, drifting away

Tomorrow the sun will be brighter

The water will rise and wash us away

But the stars are cold

And the air is bright

And I see you now

You shine like the steel on my knife

The darkness is wrapped all around me tonight

I miss you

I miss you there's no one else

I do

I do

[song ends]

Stolas I love you. I may not say it like I really want to. Or how you want me to say it. Or how often. I’m gonna fuck this up. There’s a part of me that thinks this is a really bad idea, but when have I ever not followed through on a bad idea? I think you would be…i think I’d be happy with you. And I want to be happy. And I want to try. And i want to get better, and I want to let you help me when i need it. 

And if you fucking forget any of this or if i fucked up and you need convincing that i’m not just leading you on, i mean, i learned a song for you i didn’t know how to play. That took like a week to memorize. I don’t do that for anyone. 

[short pause]

Ok.”

Stolas wept into his hands as Via, having come back into the room halfway through the song held him tightly.

“Dad, it’s ok” she said.

“I know it’s okaayyyyyyhayahyhayhayhay, he sang me a sonnnng” Stolas sobbed. “He-he told me he loves me, an-and he wasn’t drunk, he wa-he wasn’t tired, he was right there and I know he meant it”
“He did, I could tell, Dad”

Stolas hugged his daughter back as tears of joy and released tension ran down his face, smudging his eyeliner. They stayed like that for a few moments as Stolas found his ground again.

And when the doorbell rang out the ground disappeared.

“Shit!” Stolas cried out, jumping to his feet. “He’s here. Oh sweet seven, I am an absolute disaster”

“It’s ok!” Via said, “It’s ok, go, uh, go finish up I’ll…”

Oh no i have to don’t i, Via thought

“I’ll keep him…busy? By talking to him?” she said.

Stolas kissed her on the head.

“Thank you, Starfire. I won’t be long.” Stolas ran upstairs, muttering in a panic. "Shit shit shit shit shit shit"

“ Please don’t be long,”  Via pleaded.

Blitz walked into the palace. It was rare but becoming more common for him to come through the front gates. It felt strange. He'd been around this place for so long, seen so much of it that other imps never would. He still felt undeserving of walking up to the front door, ringing the doorbell, and asking to be let in. 

He was dressed Nice. He had on his usual red collared shirt, one of his nicer black jackets, black pants, dark brown boots. He had a small bouquet of dandelions in his hand and a pick up line related to the dandelions brewing in his head.

He was led into the living room by a butler, grumbling that he was just on his way out for the weekend when Blitz arrived. 

"Hey don't walk any faster or anything for my benefit, bud," Blitz snapped, picking up on the judgemental tone. 

"Hmmf. Please wait here."

The butler left, putting a hat on and leaving the castle. 

"I'm sorry, Francis is kind of a shit"

Blitz’s attention shot over to Via who was reading a book on the couch. 

"I mean he's certainly the most charming one of the bunch. He only told me to go fuck myself twice on the way in," Blitz deadpanned, sitting on the chair across from Via. 

Via laughed, "He's family at this point. He kind of gets a pass from me and dad at this point. He makes the awkward family meetings a little less stuffy."

"He does seem like the life of the party, that's for sure. Everything…ok with your dad?"

Via looked up from her book. "Oh, yeah he's just finishing up getting ready for his big date."

Blitz was terrified. He got along with Via well enough. She wasn't stupid. She knew this was The First Actual Date. And he didn't want to blow it for Stolas or his daughter. 

"I uh," Blitz muttered. "Your dad and I, we…augh."

"I heard the tape."

Blitz couldn't see straight, so he just stared down at what he hoped was the ground. 

"That…he, that was for…I,"

"You don't have to prove anything to me, dude. You sang him a fucking song"

" LANGUAGE" , Blitz's dad instinct kicked in. Via laughed. 

"Just…do better this time," she said. "I think both of you just needed to try again. And not get gross in front of me."

"I can promise you I will attempt one of those two things but you know your dad is hot-"

"oh my god shut uppppp" Via cringed, laughing more. 

Blitz let loose a triumphant chuckle as he sat down next to her. "What're you reading, kid?"

"Book on taxidermy."

"Stuffing dead things with sand. I can dig it."

Via rolled her eyes but allowed him to look over at the book with her, cracking jokes and letting her ramble. 

About ten minutes later Stolas finally came downstairs. He had cleaned himself up and reapplied a lighter amount of makeup after removing all of the original layer. Stolas smiled, walking quietly not to disturb the two on the couch. 

"So why do you use an old flintlock gun anyway? Isn't it a pain to reload?" Via asked. 

"Sweetie when you get to my age you learn to admit when you buy something because it looks cool as shit," Blitz said, spinning the gun on his finger. 

"Can I hold it?" Via asked, visibly impressed. 

"PLEASE do not give my daughter a gun, Blitz," Stolas finally intervened, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. 

"I was gonna say no!" Blitz lied.

"Dad!"

"When you're 18 we will have IMP escort you to a professional range to practice but not a moment before" Stolas said, kissing her forehead. 

"Yeah, professional. We definitely use professional spaces and not the dumpster out back," Blitz said. 

Via sighed. "I'm going upstairs. You two have fun or whatever"

"I'll have him home before midnight, honey, don't you worry!"

Via shot Blitz a look, pointing at her eyes and pointing at Blitz. Blitz scoffed and smiled as she went upstairs. 

"Hey," he said, leaning back into Stolas' touch, putting a hand on the one on his shoulder. 

"Hello," Stolas said, scratching Blitz’s shoulder. "Did I interrupt a bonding exercise?"

"Maybe the most passive aggressive shovel talk I've ever gotten in my life. Kid's a natural pain in the ass. Takes after her dad." 

"Haha. Ready to go?"

"Just a second, wanna look at you"

Blitz hopped up from the couch, giving Stolas a few once-overs, going "hmmm". 

"Does it meet your legendary high standards, Blitzy?" Stolas laughed, posing with a hand on his bent hip. 

"It'll do, lemme see something right quick. Come down here."

Stolas leaned down and Blitz pulled him lower to plant an intense kiss on his lips, catching Stolas off guard. He moaned into the kiss and was about to initiate a full blown make out when Blitz pulled away. 

"You look incredible," Blitz growled, smiling wide. 

"Likewise," Stolas whispered. "Wow."

"I clean up alright. Oh!" 

Blitz pulled the bouquet out from Hammerspace and handed it to Stolas. 

"Picked em myself. I figure you plant them and they'll just spread around the garden, infecting everything they touch. Remind you of anyone?"

"Oh, Blitz, I can't cry anymore today. Even if it's all been from joy." Stolas kissed Blitz's cheek. "Thank you, darling".

Blitz stuck his arm out with the intention of Stolas snaking his through the gap, which he did after placing the dandelions in a glass of water on the table. 

"First date?" Blitz asked. 

"First date." 

"Feeling weird about it?"

"Incredibly. Just how I wanted it, though."