Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jake stares at the manila envelope. He runs his hands through his hair and tries to resist slamming his head forward on his desk. For someone who is very aware that his marriage is over, he is finding it surprisingly hard to look at divorce papers without his stomach turning.

He should call his attorney—Jay—to make sure everything looks like what the lawyers agreed to. Yunjin and him hadn’t wanted for the divorce to be messy, so he doesn’t think her lawyer will have tried anything tricky in the final paperwork. But still, he should have Jay make sure it all looks right.

Still, Jake can’t bring himself to actually open the envelope. It’s Wednesday, and he knows that if he doesn’t have the papers signed by Saturday morning, he will hear about it when Yunjin picks Ni-ki up. Jake shakes his head again, staring out the window of his office. The view is actually really nice. There are a bunch of shiny buildings and he can see the park he goes to eat his lunch on nice days.

“Jake?” someone knocks on his half-open door.

Jake sees Sunghoon standing there uncertainly. Sunghoon has been his friend ever since he started this job. They had both laughed at a stupid pun related to cereal and their friendship just spiraled from there because of how similar they are.

“Come in,” Jake says wearily.

Hoon steps in Jake’s office, eyes darting around until they land on the manila envelope. Hoon nods and asks, “final papers?”

Jake nods, rubbing his face with his hands.

“I came in to tell you that we will be working on the fruity pebbles commercial together this month…” Hoon trails off. “But somehow I don’t think that news matters much to you at the moment.”

Jake lets out a snort.

“At least you get Ni-ki today?” Hoon offers.

And that’s true. Jake gets Ni-ki on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and every other weekend. Since both Jake and Yunjin live close enough to Ni-ki’s school, the split is convenient for them. Jake would love to have Ni-ki live with him permanently, but he knows it wouldn’t be fair to Yunjin. Even if Ni-ki is mad at Yunjin right now, it’s important for the two of them not to lose their bond.

“Best part about Wednesdays.” Jake smiles. “Speaking of, I probably should get going so I am not late to pick him up again.” Jake rolls his eyes. “He never lets me live it down if I am even a minute late.”

Jake gives another look at the folder and shoves it in his briefcase. He will deal with the papers tonight after Ni-ki is asleep. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow about fruit loops okay?” Jake asks Hoon as he is checking to make sure he hasn’t forgotten anything to take home.

“Fruity pebbles.” Sunghoon corrects him automatically. “And sure. Don’t worry.” Sunghoon turns to leave, but he stops as he is in the doorway. “It’s going to be okay, Jake.” Hoon says. “It will all eventually work out.”

Jake nods, grateful for Sunghoon. Initially, Jake had thought Hoon was not a man of many words, but once they reached a certain level of closeness, Jake had realized Hoon was a big goofball with an even bigger heart. And as a child of divorce, Hoon has been a rock-solid support the past few months.

Jake shoves his earbuds in and begins his journey to Ni-ki’s school. This is Ni-ki’s last year of elementary school before he goes to middle school, and that thought kind of makes Jake want to cry. Jake and Yunjin had Ni-ki when they had been 24, so even though 35 isn’t actually old, Jake still feels like he’s getting old.

Ni-ki is defintely a handful. He has a lot of energy and can be very sensitive, but he has a great heart. Sometimes he has a hard time expressing himself, but Jake has gotten good at decoding Ni-ki’s moods. Unfortunately, Yunjin still hasn’t mastered it. He thinks the two butt heads so much because they are so similar.

Jake pauses at a stoplight and sees a couple holding hands as they walk across the street. He remembers how he affectionate he and Yunjin had been in the early days of their marriage. But, its been years since they’ve been like that. Jake shakes his head and starts walking when the crossing light changes.

Jake can see Ni-ki’s school up ahead. Usually Ni-ki waits by his locker or sometimes in the art room. Ni-ki loves all types of art. But he defintely gets his drawing talent from his mother—Jake can only manage misshapen stick figures.

As Jake goes inside the school, he sees a frenzy of parents running around. It’s a bit alarming. He can’t hear what anyone is saying, but he doesn’t like the frantic energy. He stops a mother walking in his direction to the door. “Hey, do you know what’s going on?” Jake asks.

The mom rolls her eyes and says, “apparently 5th grade was given a sex education lecture today.”

Before Jake can respond, he sees a little girl yelling at her dad. “I can’t believe you have sex with mommy. That’s disgusting!” Jake winces. The dad’s face is bright red and he looks like he wants teleport to another reality.

“Ah, that’s um-“ Jake isn’t sure how he is supposed to finish his sentence. The mom nods at him understanding anyway.

“A heads up would have been nice right?” The mom says and Jake agrees. She looks at her kid, who seems to be giving her the silent treatment, and then she sighs. She waives to Jake and continues her path out the door.

Reluctantly, Jake ventures further inside to find Ni-ki. Eventually, Jake spots him leaning against a wall. When he sees Jake approaching, Ni-ki strides toward him and says, “We need to talk.”

Ni-ki heads outside without even looking back for Jake. And Jake knows he is going to have a long night. He shakes his head and then follows after Ni-ki.

When Jake catches up to Ni-ki outside the school, Ni-ki doesn’t hesitate. “Okay, so I have some questions.” Jake motions for him to continue as they walk.

“Well, I am just confused by some of the things my teacher said.” Ni-ki frowns. “I feel like it doesn’t really make sense.” Ni-ki says. “But neither did the stork story that mom tried telling me once when I was 5 and wanted a baby brother.”

Jake laughs at that. “Point. You surprised us with that one, but I’m sorry we lied to you about the stork.”

“I don’t understand why you thought I would be comforted by large birds that can carry children to new homes.” Ni-ki shivers.

Jake remembers Ni-ki having nightmares about storks for weeks. After that incident, Yunjin and Jake agreed to try to be more honest with Ni-ki about those kinds of questions and just omit certain details that he doesn’t need to know.

But the topic of sex hadn’t really come up again. Sure, some typical biological questions came up. When he was eight, Ni-ki found Yunjin’s box of tampons and asked what they were for. When he was ten, Jake had to explain that spontaneous erections were a normal bodily function and there was nothing wrong with Ni-ki. So, it isn’t like they’ve never gone over certain things. Still, the actual topic of sex has managed to be neatly avoided.

“My teacher made it seem like sex was something only men and women do with each other when they love each other…” Ni-ki trails off. “But you and mom both told me that she is in love with Sakura.” Ni-ki picks at the hem of his t-shirt. “Can they not have sex?”

Jake blinks. Explaining lesbian sex to his son is the last thing he wants to do with his evening. “Um, well your teacher is wrong.” Jake starts. “Sex can happen between any two consenting adults.”

“What does consenting mean?” Ni-ki asks, confused. Jake startles at that.

“How was that not part of the sex ed talk?” Jake shakes his head. “But, um, okay.” Jake is pretty sure his face is beat red. He also knows he needs to not mess this up. “Consent is kind of like want? I um – there’s a video about tea…but I don’t think it’s really your age level…” Jake is talking to himself.

Ni-ki just stares at him. Jake takes a deep breath. He can do this. It’s awkward, but it’s a good thing that Ni-ki feels comfortable to talk to his parents about this. Jake centers himself.

“Okay, so if I get you a mint chocolate ice cream, you wouldn’t want to eat it right?” Jake asks.

Ni-ki nods, making a disgusted face. Ni-ki’s best friend at school, Sunoo, loves mint-chocolate ice cream, and Ni-ki is always complaining about how gross it is that Sunoo likes it.

“And even if I asked nicely, you still wouldn’t want to eat it right?” Jake asks.

Ni-ki nods.

“Okay so that means you wouldn’t consent to eating the mint chocolate ice cream.” Jake says. “And if I tried to force you to eat it or lied to you and told you it was a different kind of ice cream, then that would be wrong of me…” Jake pauses to make sure Ni-ki is following him. “Cause you didn’t consent to eating mint chocolate ice cream.”

“So, sex can be like forcing someone to eat mint chocolate ice cream?” Ni-ki asks horrified. “Why would you ever want to do that?”

Jake resists the urge to facepalm. “No, I mean, um not always.” Jake thinks for another second. “Sex can be great as long as both adults want to do it, but it is important to make sure the other person wants to do it. Just like it’s important to make sure another person likes the kind of ice cream you have before you ask them to eat it.”

“We didn’t talk about that at school.” Ni-ki frowns. “My teacher talked about penises being inserted into vaginas.”

Jake winces. “Um, yes. That is a type of sex.” Jake sees their building a block away. “There are many types.”

“Like ice-cream?” Ni-ki asks.

Jake nods.

“Okay, so since neither Mom or Sakura have penises, what do they do?” Ni-ki asks.

“I think your mom is the better person to answer that question.” Jake dodges. He’s trying his best, but really he shouldn’t have to be the only one to suffer through this. Yunjin should have a turn.

“Okay.” Ni-ki shrugs. “I have another question. Sunoo said his parents told him that he was an accident.”

They are so close to the building now. Jake really doesn’t want to be talking about this in the lobby, but it looks like he doesn’t have a choice. Jake nods at the guy at the front desk before steering Ni-ki to the mailroom.

“How does someone accidentally insert a penis into a vagina?” Ni-ki asks loudly, too loudly. Jake whips his head around to check for who else is in the area.

“Ni-ki, do you mind if we continue talking about this in our own apartment?” Jake tries.

“Are you embarrassed of the word Penis?” Ni-ki asks curiously.

Jake hears a sound and looks to see another man getting his mail. He looks like he is choking on a laugh. Jake wants to melt into the floor, but wills himself not to be embarrassed.

“Sunoo’s parents didn’t accidentally have sex…the accident was that having sex led to Sunoo being born.” Jake tries to explain.

“My teacher said that having sex means you want to have a baby. Did they not know that?” Ni-ki asks.

Jake is starting to think Ni-ki’s teacher is a bit close-minded. Maybe, he should talk to Yunjin about that. He wishes the two of them could have strategized how to give this talk. Instead, it’s just Jake right now.

“Your teacher is not right. Not all sex means you want to have a baby.” Jake tries. “Sex can result in a baby, but it doesn’t have to. It depends on what the people having sex want.” The other man leaves the mailroom, giving Jake a sympathetic nod as he goes.

“So sex isn’t special?” Ni-ki asks. “My teacher said it’s special and you should only do it if you think you are going to marry the person that you’re having sex with.” Ni-ki pauses. “But last week, I overheard you talking to Uncle Jay about him dating two different people. Can you want to marry more than one person at a time?”

Jake wants to slam his head against the mailboxes, but he doesn’t. Instead, he stops trying to open the mailbox and kneels down so he is eye level with Ni-ki.

“Sex is very special. It’s a very big deal.” Jake says, seriously. “It requires a huge amount of trust and it is a very intimate way of showing someone you care about them romantically.” Jake looks at Ni-ki nods. “I won’t say that you need to marry the person you have sex with, but it is a very serious thing and a decision that shouldn’t be made lightly.”

“As for marrying more than one person. That isn’t allowed yet. But people used to not be able to marry someone who is the same gender as them.” Jake says.

“Well, that’s stupid.” Ni-ki frowns. “Why does it matter who you marry?”

Jake smiles at that. “It doesn’t. You should marry whoever you love.” Jake nods. “As for what you learned today, I will be honest, I still think it is a bit early for you to be thinking too much about sex…” Jake trails off. “But I’m really glad you felt comfortable asking me these questions. You know, your mom and I are always here if you have questions.”

Jake really hopes Ni-ki doesn’t have any more questions. Ni-ki nods again, looking pensive. Jake rises to get the mail from the mailbox. After Jake grabs the mail, and the two head to the elevators, Ni-ki says, “Your talk was a lot different than my teacher’s. I will have to compare notes with Sunoo at school tomorrow.”

“You don’t trust I told you the truth?” Jake asks.

“I think you did. Even though your face got all red when I said the word penis, you were wearing your serious face when explaining stuff.” Ni-ki shrugs. “I knew my teacher had to be wrong because Jungwon asked if people had to have sex, and she said everyone will at some point in their lives.” Ni-ki frowns as Jake presses the button for their floor. “And I wouldn’t like that if someone told me that about mint chocolate chip ice cream.”

Jake defintely thinks Yunjin should talk to Ni-ki’s teacher, but he pats Ni-ki on the head. “Well, it sounds like she said a lot of wrong stuff. So, I’m glad you asked me about it.” Ni-ki smiles at that.

After dinner, Jake and Ni-ki sit on the couch and build Legos. Jake just bought new marvel Legos and Ni-ki has been surprisingly into them. He is currently completely concentrated, and Jake knows that the two of them could easily stay up for another few hours.

But, it’s a school night. Jake looks at the clock on his phone and then back at the Legos. Ni-ki really should be getting to bed soon.

“Hey, 5 more minutes okay?” Jake says pointing to the Legos.

“Are you going to tell me a story tonight?” Ni-ki asks innocently. But Jake knows the expression on Ni-ki’s face. He is gearing up for asking something.

“I always do.” Jake nods. “Why?” He asks suspiciously.

Ni-ki shrugs. “I was thinking you could tell me the story of how you and mom fell in love.” Ni-ki looks determinedly at the Lego he is placing.

Jake sighs. “Ni-ki, do you want to talk about the divorce?” Jake asks, guessing that’s why Ni-ki wants the story of him and Yunjin.

“No.” Ni-ki shakes his head. “I want to hear how you and mom fell in love. The real version. Not the, ‘oh we met and fell in love’ version.”

Jake glances toward the ceiling. He knows Ni-ki is struggling the most with the divorce. Since Jake and Yunjin are determined to get along, Ni-ki is having a hard time understanding why they need to divorce at all. Jake has tried to explain that it wouldn’t be fair to Sakura if Jake stayed married to Yunjin, but Ni-ki isn’t the biggest Sakura fan.

Jake has really tried to work on that with him. He doesn’t blame Yunjin for realizing she is into women. And he certainly doesn’t blame Sakura for dating Yunjin. No, Jake can’t be mad at either of them. And Ni-ki shouldn’t either, but well, he’s a stubborn kid.

“Hm. I think that story is a bit too adult for you still.” Jake says honestly. “Maybe in a couple of years.”

Ni-ki shakes his head. “No, tonight.”

Jake rolls his eyes. “You don’t get to tell me what to do, Ni-ki.”

“Please, dad. Please.” Ni-ki gives Jake sad puppy eyes that Jake is absolutely shit at resisting. He counts to ten.

“Maybe. But I have a couple of conditions if I am going to tell you this story.” Jake warns. Ni-ki nods excitedly, abandoning the Legos.

Jake holds up his index finger. “First, I am going to tell you a story about three women I had serious relationships with and I am not going to use their real names. You are going to have to figure out which one is your mom.”

Ni-ki smiles. “I like it. It’s like a love story mystery.”

Jake laughs. “I guess so.” He then adds his middle finger to the index finger that he’s holding up. “Second, it would take too long to tell all in one night. So you have to accept where I stop each night, okay?”

Ni-ki frowns but nods, showing he understands. Jake raises a third finger and says, “After I finish, you need to be nicer to your mom and Sakura. No more being mad at them.”

Ni-ki’s frown deepens. “I can’t just stop being mad at them.” Ni-ki crosses his arms. “They hurt you.”

Jake’s heart clenches a little bit at that. He does love his son even if he’s a menace. “They didn’t though. Your mom was honest with me, and I told her to try giving Sakura a chance. They didn’t go behind my back, Ni-ki.” Jake says. And it’s true. Jake did tell Yunjin to go for it.

“I know, but now you are all alone and sad.” Ni-ki says. “Mom should have been happy with you. You’re great.” There are tears in Ni-ki’s eyes, so Jake opens his arms motioning for Ni-ki to give him a hug. Ni-ki does and Jake pats the top of Ni-ki’s head as Ni-ki cries into Jake’s shirt.

“She couldn’t control that Ni-ki. Your mom does think I’m great. But she doesn’t think of me romantically anymore. And it’s not fair for her to pretend just so you and I are happy.” Jake says honestly. “Your mom deserves to be happy to.”

Ni-ki sniffles. “Okay, I accept your third condition,” he mumbles into Jake’s shirt. Jake rubs his head again. They don’t say anything for a few minutes. Jake just lets Ni-ki cry it out. It’s been hard for all of them to adjust to Jake and Yunjin living separately the past few months.

“You better go get ready for bed. Okay? I’ll meet you in your room in 20 minutes.” Jake says looking at the mess of Legos. Ni-ki gets up and walks toward his bedroom. Jake sighs. He knows that Yunjin and him are doing the right thing, but he really hates that they are putting Ni-ki through this. Still, he knows its better in the long run.

Chapter Text

Jake walks into Ni-ki’s room to see him huddled in his bed with all his stuffed animals and plushies. Jake bites down on a smile. “Got the whole collection tonight?” Jake asks.

Ni-ki nods. “I might need their help putting together the clues.”

“Makes sense.” Jake nods. “But is there any room for me to sit down?”

Ni-ki points to the rocking chair in the corner. Jake pouts but goes toward the rocking chair. “Okay, so you remember the three rules right?”

Ni-ki rolls his eyes. “One: you’re making it a mystery, two: you get decide how much to tell me each night, and three: once your finished with the story, I need to be nicer to mom and Sakura.” Ni-ki repeats in a bored voice.

“Good.” Jake hums. “Hmm okay, well our story will start when I was a freshman in college. So I was eighteen.” Jake thinks back. “During the first week, I went to my first party-“

“Like a birthday party?” Ni-ki interrupts.

“Um, no. It was like a welcome to college party.” Jake says. “People in college love to celebrate things…Anyway, I was at the welcome party, and I bump into this girl named…” Jake thinks about what the first name should be.

He decides on “Lisa.”

Jake isn’t sure what possessed him to leave his dorm. He’s not a party person. But, Jay, who has been his best friend for ten years, told him that he needs to try to be social. Jake desperately wishes that the two had gone to the same school, but instead, they are thousands of miles apart.

Jake is making his way through mass of drunken college students when someone shoves him into the girl next to him. Jake freezes. “Oh-I’m so sorry. I don’t even-are you okay?”

The girl laughs and it makes Jake’s heart flutter. “Don’t worry about it.” She says waiving Jake’s apologies off. “I’m Yunjin.” She says reaching out her hand.

“Jake.” Jake says shaking her hand. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Defintely better than I was a few minutes ago.” Yunjin winks at hm.

Jake hasn’t had much practice flirting with girls. He and Jay tended to stick to themselves in school. Still, he can recognize Yunjin’s interest. And she’s really cute. Yunjin has soft brown hair and is wearing a trendy pair of glasses.

Jake smiles back at her and leans in closer. “I could really use a milkshake and some fries right now. Any chance you’ve had enough of this party?” Jake asks, curiously.

Yunjin giggles and turns her head, seemingly looking for someone. “Let me just tell my friends that I came here with.”

Jake nods. “Sounds good.

“After we got food, we agreed to keep seeing each other.” Jake smiles. “Lisa was really funny.”

Ni-ki frowns. “But, if you are going to tell me about three different women, then it’s not very likely that my mom is the first woman.” Ni-ki takes his duck plushie and squeezes it to his chest. “What happened next?”

“Well, I realized I didn’t like my college and I wanted to be more politically active…” Jake trails off.

“I can’t believe you are really moving.” Yunjin sighs. “You haven’t even been here a full semester, Jake.”

“I know.” Jake says. “But I just don’t think this is the right school for me.” Jake shakes his head. “I need to be in a city when I can be more involved in politics.”

“There’s politics here.” Yunjin says.

“Yeah, but it’s still a small town. I need to be in a bigger city.” Jake asks.

“I don’t understand why you want to be a politician.” Yunjin says. “But I support you if you think you need to move.” Yunjin pouts. “I’m just sad that we will be doing long distance for a little bit.”

“It’s only one semester though, right?” Jake asks. “You said you will consider transferring after the year is over.”

Yunjin nods.

“Okay, so next semester will suck, but we can make it through it.” Jake says, smiling.

Yunjin walks toward him and brushes her hand through Jake’s hair, pushing it behind his ear. “We will make it through it.” She agrees.

“You wanted to be a politician?” Ni-ki asks, picking at the edge of his blanket. “But you work on commercials?”

Jake laughs. “At the time I wanted to be a politician. I really wanted to make an impact.” Jake shakes his head. “But I really enjoy my job now. I promise.”

Ni-ki nods. “Poor, Lisa.” Ni-ki says, frowning. “It must have been sad that you were leaving…I get sad sometimes if I don’t see you for a couple days.”

Jake’s heart clenches. Yunjin has mentioned this to him before. He knows Ni-ki misses him during Yunjin’s weekends. On the first weekend apart after Jake had moved out, Ni-ki called him crying. It’s gotten much better, but Jake knows Ni-ki still gets sad sometimes.

“I miss you to, you know.” Jake smiles. “If I could, I would have you live here every day. But that wouldn’t be fair to your mom.” Jake says. “She misses you when you’re over here.”

“Yeah. I guess that’s true.” Ni-ki mumbles. “It’s not that I don’t like mom…” Ni-ki sighs. “I like living with you both together.”

“I know, Ni-ki.” Jake says touching his hand to his chest. “I know it sucks moving back and forth.”

Ni-ki looks away, but Jake can see his eyes starting to water. “Do you want me to keep going with the story or do you want to go to bed?”

Ni-ki pulls his shirt up to hide his face; he probably doesn’t want Jake to see his tears. Jake gives him a minute to himself.

“Can you tell me a little more? Like what happened when you switched schools?” Ni-ki asks quietly.

“Sure.” Jake nods. “Okay, so when I moved colleges, I got involved in this college organization that helped with the city’s local political campaigns. I was pretty excited about my first day at the local campaign office…”

The office is bustling with people. There are a bunch of cubicles and everyone seems to be on their phone. The next election is in a year, so there’s a lot of canvassing and fundraising to do. Jake looks around for the guy he was supposed to meet: Christopher.

“New guy?” A man asks him, as walks by. He barely takes his eye off the paper he is reading.

“Yeah, I’m Jake. Are you Christopher?” Jake asks. The guy doesn’t stop walking, so Jake follows after him.

“Chris is fine. Look, we are super busy right now. Things move fast, but you’ll get the hang of it pretty quick, okay?” Chris nods, still not taking his eyes off the paper he is reading. Jake sees they are walking to a room in the back of the office.

“This is your new home for the next week.” Chris says pointing around. “See that paper tray that says: need copies? Your job is to make sure it stays empty.” Jake looks at the tray that has a stack of 200 papers on it. “Each job will have a sticky note with how many copies are needed and where you should bring those copies.” Chris explains. “But, before you get started, I’d love some coffee.”

“I? Coffee?” Jake asks.

“Yeah? There’s a Starbucks a couple blocks away. A black coffee with an extra shot of espresso should be good.” Chris points to the door.

“You want me to get you coffee?” Jake asks, a but stunned.

“Jake, it’s Jake right?” Jake nods. “There is a point in everyone’s life where they have to be the person to go get coffee. And today is that day for you.” Chris says leaving the copy room.

Jake shakes his head. What has he gotten himself into, he thinks.

After getting coffee for Chris and making hundreds of copies, Jake regrets his decision to volunteer. He didn’t think he was going to be writing speeches on the first day or anything like that, but he certainly thought he would have more important tasks than glorified errand boy.

The copy machine makes a buzzing sound and then a crunching sound and then it stops completely. Another jam. Jake is so close to losing it at the stupid machine. He gives it a mild kick and then rests his had on top of it.

“Are you trying to make a copy of your face? Cause I don’t think it will work?” A guy asks, sounding like he’s holding in a laugh.

Jake lifts his head quickly. The guy is tall. He has messy brown hair and large brown doe-eyes. He seems a bit intimidating, and Jake wonders if he is about to be asked to go on another coffee run. “Uh, I was just frustrated at the machine jam. Sorry. I’m Jake.” Jake says, reaching out his hand.

“Heeseung.” The guy smiles, shaking Jake’s hand. “No need to be formal with me. I am another poor college student roped into grunt work.” He says pointing around at the copy room.

“Really? How long have you been volunteering?” Jake asks.

Heeseung makes his way over to the copy machine across from Jake. “It’s my third week here. My friend thought it would be a good way for me socialize and stop playing video games.” He shrugs. “Not sure he was right, but at least I know how to order people coffee.”

Jake laughs. “A skill that has probably served you well here,” Jake says. “So, you aren’t really into politics?”

Heeseung shakes his head. “I mean I vote and everything, but I am not like the people here.” Heeseung says pointing toward the rest of the office. “I could never do this as a career.” Heeseung shudders.

Jake looks down at his shoes, picking at the hem of his sweater. He can feel his cheeks getting warm.

“Shit. I just offended you, didn’t I?” Heeseung asks. “You’re probably super into this kind of stuff, right?”

Jake winces. “I uh. I want to be a politician.” Jake says still looking down. “Or I want to make an impact, I guess. Sounds a bit silly to say out loud.” Jake looks up helplessly.

Heeseung waives his arms. “No. No. It’s not. I shouldn’t have stuck my foot in my mouth like that.” Heeseung says. “See? Beomgyu is right. I really do need help socializing.”

Jake laughs at that. “It’s all good. Though I can’t say I am much help with the socializing aspect. My idea of a night in is building Legos while drinking a cheap six pack.”

Heeseung smiles. “That actually sounds amazing.” Heeseung leans against the other copy machine. “You live in the dorms?”

Jake shakes his head. “Nah, I transferred, so I live in an off-campus apartment. What about you?” Jake asks.

“I live off-campus at my boyfriend’s.” Heeseung shrugs. “Saves money on rent.”

Jake nods. He feels a bit disappointed by the fact that Heeseung isn’t single, but he can’t pinpoint exactly why. He has Yunjin, so it isn’t like it should matter that Heeseung has a boyfriend.

“Smart.” Jake nods. “Well, anytime you want to play Legos, you are welcome to come over.” Jake says, trying to sound nonchalant.

Heeseung is about to say something, but a girl walks in with a giant stack of papers. “Hey, we need more copies…Also, can one of you go mop the bathroom? It’s really gross in there.”

Jake cringes and Heeseung groans.

“Rock, paper, scissors for it?” Jake asks.

“Interesting.” Ni-ki says.

“What’s interesting?” Jake asks, curiously. Ni-ki’s facial expression is the same one that he makes when he and Sunoo are scheming.

“Nothing. Just gathering evidence.” Ni-ki shakes his head.

Jake feels he is missing something, but he’s sure that Ni-ki will tell him eventually. Hopefully.

Jake still remembers the last plot that Ni-ki tried to execute. Sunoo and Ni-ki had decided that they would try to “set” Jake up with one of the moms at school. However, the mom in question was defintely not divorced; a detail that Ni-ki and Sunoo had intentionally omitted. Jake still has nightmares about her politely turning him down because she was married.

“Okay…” Jake says. “Well, despite a rocky start, things started to get a lot better after meeting Heeseung.”

“Hey, I think your phone is ringing, Jake!” Heeseung calls from the living room. Jake leaves the ramyeon cooking on the stove, so he can go grab it.

His phone is on the coffee table. Jake notices that Heeseung has paused the movie that they were watching. “You didn’t have to pause it while I cooked.” Jake says pointing at the screen as he leans down to grab his phone.

“Of course, I did. I don’t mind waiting.” Heeseung shrugs.

Jake smiles, answering his phone. “Hi Yunjin.” Jake says walking back toward the kitchen. “How was your exam?”

“It was fine, I guess. Did I catch you at a bad time?” She asks.

“Not really. I was just making some ramyeon for myself and Heeseung.” Jake says.

Yunjin hums. It’s the hum she makes when she is biting her tongue. “Everything okay?” Jake asks.

“You seem to spend a lot of time with Heeseung.” Yunjin says. “It seems like he’s over at your place every day.”

Jake rolls his eyes, knowing full well Yunjin can’t see him. “Not every day.” Jake says. “We just like the same things and we volunteer together, so it’s easy to spend time together.”

“And that’s great. But you’ve had to cancel the last two skype calls because of plans with him.” Yunjin says and it sounds like she’s pouting. Jake hadn’t realized he had missed two skype calls this week but he retraces the week and realizes she’s right. Shit, he messed up.

“I’m sorry.” Jake says, truthfully. “Can I make it up to you?”

“Probably. Are you free tomorrow for a skype call?” Yunjin asks.

Jake smiles. “For you, absolutely.”

“I’ll probably wear the goodbye present that you got me…” Yunjin trails off.

“Why would she wear a present on a video call? You wouldn’t be able to see the whole outfit?” Ni-ki asks.

Jake chokes. “Uh…Well that’s a good point.”

“Why is your face getting all red again?” Ni-ki asks.

“It’s not.” Jake mutters. “Anyway, Lisa and I hung up the phone and I went back to cooking ramyeon.” Jake says quickly, changing the subject.

Jake brings two bowls into the living room. Heeseung is frowning at his phone, but he puts it away as soon as he sees Jake. “I could have come in and helped you carry stuff.” Heeseung says.

“Nah, I can manage two bowls.” Jake smiles. “But, sorry, that took me a little longer than expected.”

“Everything okay with Yunjin?” Heeseung asks.

“Yeah, just setting up a skype date.” Jake shrugs. “I think I have neglected her a little bit this week, so I want her to feel special.”

“Damn. You’re such a catch.” Heeseung says taking slurp of his ramyeon. “And you make the best ramyeon in the whole world.” Heeseung hums happily.

Jake laughs. “Being nice to my girlfriend seems like a low bar to be a catch.” Jake points out.

“It might be a low bar, but a lot of guys find ways to trip under it…” Heeseung says pushing down the sleeve of his cardigan. Jake sees a flash of a bruise on Heeseung’s wrist. Jake purses his lips.

“Burn yourself with a curling iron again?” Jake points at his wrist.

Heeseung shrugs. “We don’t have to talk about it.” Heeseung looks out the window.

“We never talk about it. We have spent the last month hanging out, and every time, you show up in long sleeves.” Jake points out.

“Would me saying it out loud really make it better?” Heeseung asks. “It’s not a big deal. I’m handling it.”

Jake frowns.

“I don’t get it. Why were you mad that Heeseung burned himself with a curling iron?” Ni-ki asks. “Sometimes you trip over thin air, but I don’t get mad at you.”

Jake snorts. “No, you just laugh at me every time it happens, you little menace.” Ni-ki shrugs.

Still, Jake knows he has to tread carefully. He probably doesn’t need to get into all the details of this situation for the story to make sense. “Heeseung didn’t burn himself.” Jake sighs. “His boyfriend wasn’t very nice to him.”

“Why?” Ni-ki asks. “Heeseung likes Legos and ramyeon. So, he seems fun.” Ni-ki says.

“Um well, hm.” Jake says, a bit stumped how to explain this to eleven-year-old. “There are some not so nice people in this world. And they do some not so nice things.” Jake says. “Unfortunately, Heeseung was dating was one of those people.”

“That sucks.” Ni-ki says. “I hope that guy exits the story really quick.”

Jake laughs. “I will try not to bring him up too much, I promise.”

“He didn’t do not so nice things to you, did he?” Ni-ki asks, suddenly worried.

“No. He didn’t. Don’t worry.” Jake says, softly.

“Anyway, after my skype with Lisa the next day, I was feeling really good about things.” Jake says. “I was starting enjoy school. I had a new friend. And Lisa and I had a really good thing going.”

“You were happy you moved then?” Ni-ki asks.

“I was. I really felt like my life was coming together.” Jake admits. “And I was really excited because Lisa had booked a trip to come visit me the next month.”

“That’s good, right?” Ni-ki asks.

Jake nods. “It was. In fact, a week before she arrived, I decided I was going to propose to Yunjin when she visited.”

“At 18?” Ni-ki asks, shocked. “That’s only..." Ni-ki starts counting on his hand. "7 years older than me."

“I was19, actually.” Jake says. Ni-ki just stares at him. "But you're right, I was very young. Way too young to be thinking about marriage." Jake agrees. "But, at the time, I thought it was a romantic idea."

“I’m sorry, it sounds like you just said you wanted to propose to Yunjin.” Heeseung asks, staring blankly at Jake. They are sitting on the basketball court, tired after having played for the last two hours.

“What?” Jake asks. “When you know, you know.” Jake says, confidently.

Heeseung looks at him skeptically. “You guys haven’t even dated a full year yet?”

“So?” Jake asks. “I really feel like she’s someone special.”

“Is this about the other night? Cause I still feel bad about that.” Heeseung asks.

“No, I told you. You can always call me to come pick you up. No questions asked.” Jake shakes his head.

“Did you tell Yunjin why you had to leave your date with her?” Heeseung asks, nervously.

“No. It isn’t my story to tell.” Jake admits. “She wasn’t thrilled, but she’s over it. I promise.” Jake says. “Please don’t ever be afraid to call me.”

Heeseung nods, standing up quickly. “Another round?” He says pointing at the hoop. Jake’s legs feel like they are going to fall off, so he shakes his head.

“I’m beat. Can we just go grab food?” Jake says, blinking sweetly.

“Don’t do the blinking thing.” Heeseung says. “It’s not fair.”

Jake giggles. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” Jake blinks again.

“Fine, we can go eat.” Heeseung groans. “Just stop blinking at me.”

“Interesting.” Ni-ki says again.

“Seriously, what is interesting?” Jake asks. “You keep saying that. I’m starting to feel psychoanalyzed.”

"What does that mean?"

"It means I feel like you are judging me." Jake crosses his arms.

“I just think It’s just interesting." Ni-ki shrugs. "But, I agree think Heeseung is probably right. Your plan doesn't seem very well thought through."

Jake sighs. “I was an idiot.” Jake says. “In my mind, I really thought I was ready though.”

“Interesting.” Ni-ki says again.

“I’m going to throw a pillow at you.” Jake says. “Stop saying that.”

Ni-ki just smiles innocently. “Okay, so you were going to propose to Lisa.” Ni-ki prompts.

“Yes, her flight was scheduled to get in and I was going to take her to the park to propose…” Jake says.

“Jake, I really think we need to talk.” Yunjin says.

“Totally, but let’s just walk a little further. I have a spot in mind.” Jake says pointing toward the bench by the lake. “Let’s sit over there.”

“Okay…” Yunjin trails off.

They walk to the bench. Yunjin has seemed nervous ever since she got to Jake’s apartment, but he figures it’s probably the jitters of seeing each other in person after a few months. Yunjin sits down, but Jake doesn’t. Instead, he launches into the speech he practiced with Heeseung.

“Yunjin, I know we haven’t known each other that long. And I know we are really young. But, I feel like what we have is really special. And the last few months have made me realize how much I don’t want to lose you.” Jake says honestly.

Yunjin looks terrified. “Jake, wait…I need to-“

“I know that what I am about to suggest is totally crazy. But…” Jake pulls out the ring from his pocket. “Yunjin, will you marry m-“

“I slept with someone.” Yunjin blurts out.

“I-what?” Jake gapes. “You what?” Jake stares at the box in his hand and then back at her.

“I wanted to tell you differently, but I had no idea you were going to propose. Why on earth did you propose?” Yunjin says, her eyes starting to water.

Jake feels numb. “I-I thought…Who did you sleep with?” Jake asks.

“Felix.” Yunjin cringes.

“My old roommate? Seriously?” Jake says.

“Look, it was really dumb and I feel terrible. And-“ Yunjin starts explaining, but Jake’s phone interrupts her.

He almost doesn’t look at it, but then he shakes his head. When he sees it’s Heeseung, Jake answers right away.

“You’re taking a call right now?” Yujin asks, confused.

“Hey- is everything- “ Jake starts.

“I’m sorry. I know you are with Yunjin. I’m so sorry. But, I didn’t know who else to call.” Heeseung says and it sounds like he’s crying.

“Where are you?” Jake asks, worried. “Are you hurt?”

“I’m by the basketball court. It’s not too bad…I just can’t go home.”

“How bad is not too bad?” Jake starts moving away from Yunjin.

“Jake, are you really leaving right now before we even talk?” Yunjin asks.

Jake puts his phone on his shoulder. “Did you seriously cheat on me?”

“I know I fucked up. I just want to apologize, okay?” Yunjin pleads. “You have every right to be pissed at me. But can we talk about this?”

And normally Jake would. Jake wants to know how he and Yunjin were on such different pages. He wants to know how he misread their relationship so badly. But he also knows Heeseung is probably sitting by the basketball court, alone.

“I can’t right now.” Jake sighs. “Just wait at my apartment and we can talk later once I've cooled down.” Jake says throwing his apartment key toward her.

“Seriously?” She asks. But, Jake is already sprinting toward his car. He puts his phone back to his ear. “How bad is it Heeseung?”

“I promise I’m fine.” Heeseung assures him.

Jake drives quickly to get to the basketball court. Heeseung is sitting on the bench outside. He is hunched over, so Jake can’t see much. But then, Heeseung hears Jake’s car and looks toward him. Jake, tightens his grip on the steering wheel. Heeseung has a very noticeable black eye forming.

Jake stops the car, so Heeseung can get in. Heeseung looks at him sheepishly. “Did I ruin your proposal?” Heeseung asks.

Jake shakes his head and laughs. Loudly. And once he starts laughing, he can’t seem to stop. The whole day seems ridiculous. Who proposes to someone at nineteen, he thinks. They hadn’t even known each other for a year. What had he been thinking.

Jake takes a few seconds to collect himself and says, “No. you defintely weren’t the one who ruined it.”

“Really?” Heeseung asks skeptically.

“She interrupted me to tell me she cheated on me.” Jake sighs. “So, I think I can safely say it was ruined before you called me.”

Heeseung cringes and then says, “Ouch”

“Perhaps proposing when you're nineteen isn’t the smartest idea…” Jake shrugs helplessly. “Honestly, the whole plan seems absurd now.”

“It was romantic though.” Heeseung says.

“Enough about me. Are you okay?” Jake says gesturing to Heeseung’s eye.

“I look worse than I feel. I promise.” Heeseung shrugs. “I just think I should probably stay somewhere else tonight.”

“Tonight? Heeseung, you’re kidding, right?” Jake asks, incredulous. He still hasn’t started his car, but he notices Heeseung shivering a bit. He turns on the car so he can adjust the heat.

“I know I need to leave.” Heeseung sighs. “I’m handling it.” Heeseung says.

Jake tries to bite his tongue, he really does. But it’s been a long day. “You’ve been saying that for months and you’ve not handled it yet. So, forgive me if I don’t take your word for it.” Jake bites out.

Heeseung recoils. “It’s not that easy, Jake.”

“I never said it was. But I don’t think we can keep ignoring this.” Jake says, truthfully.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Heeseung says, firmly.

“Okay. Okay. Do you want me to drive you to my house?” Jake lets it go. For now.

“Yes, please.” Heeseung nods. They drive back to Jake’s apartment without saying a word. It isn’t until they are walking up to his door that Jake remembers he doesn’t have his key. He tries the door handle—surprised that the door is open.

“You leave your door unlocked?” Heeseung asks, confused.

“No, Yunjin had the key.” Jake says, walking in. And he sees his key sitting on the kitchen table. Next to it is a handwritten note:

Jake,
I know you don’t want to talk to me right now. And I get that. I had hoped I would be able to apologize and explain my side of things. But I know that you have every right to be pissed at me.

The simple truth is I am still really young and I felt lonely without you. Alcohol and loneliness is a horrible combination. I didn’t want to tell you over skype because I felt I owed you an apology in person. So that’s why I booked the flight.

As for your proposal, I think it’s amazing how you can be so sure about things. You have a whole vision for your life and that’s awesome. But I’m not like that. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. And I defintely don’t feel ready for marriage.

You have such a big heart, Jake. I am really sorry I wasn’t the right person for you to share it with.

Love,
Yunjin

“That could have gone better.” Ni-ki says.

“You think?” Jake asks, laughing a little.

“I think Lisa was right though.” Ni-ki says. “You both were too young.”

“Well, aren’t you smart.” Jake jokes. “But, yes, while I think she made a mistake, I didn’t stay mad at her for very long because she was right. I was way too naïve.”

“Still, it wasn’t nice of her to kiss your roommate. I think I am going to put her at the bottom of my list right now.” Ni-ki adds.

“You don’t think she’s your mom?” Jake says.

“Not right now. You were nineteen, right?” Ni-ki asks. “And you had me when you were…”

“24” Jake answers.

Ni-ki starts counting on his fingers. “So, you had me five years after this happened?” Ni-ki asks. “Lisa said she didn’t have her life figured out. So, she would have to change her mind pretty fast.” Ni-ki says. “Also, my teacher says that my parents are really young.”

“Your teacher has a lot of opinions.” Jake mumbles. “But 24 is young to get married. I will give her that.” Jake says. “It was probably too young, if I’m honest.”

“That’s what mom always says when I ask her about the divorce.” Ni-ki says. “She says that you guys probably got married too young.”

Jake winces. Jake has always been a romantic to a fault. “She has a point.”

“But your story is interesting.” Ni-ki says. “I have lots of theories and I haven’t even met the other two women yet. Maybe I should write them down in a notebook, so I don’t forget.” Ni-ki looks at his desk.

“Oh yeah? What are some of your theories?” Jake asks, curiously.

“Not telling.” Ni-ki shakes his head, but he gets up to grab some paper and his favorite pen that has soccer balls all over it.

“Okay, well I guess we should keep going then?” Jake asks.

Ni-ki nods as he settles back down with his notebook and plushies. Jake just shakes his head and picks up where he left off.

Chapter Text

“Okay, so that night, given the fact Heeseung had a black eye and I had a broken heart, we decided to indulge in some adult beverages…” Jake says wincing a bit at the memory.

“You got drunk?” Ni-ki asks, smirking.

“How do you know what that means?” Jake changes the subject, trying to glare sternly at his son.

Ni-ki shrugs. “Sunoo knows things. So, I know things.”

Jake could investigate further into that statement, but honestly, he’s not sure where it will get him. Besides, Jake already had to tackle a lecture on sex education today, so he doesn’t really feel like tackling another one on the dangers of alcohol.

“Okay…well, yes…I did indulge a bit…” Jake starts.

Jake is on the floor somehow. He remembers opening up the whisky with Heeseung, but he doesn’t remember deciding to lay on the floor. He looks around to see Heeseung passed out on his couch. Jake shakes his head. He feels dizzy, but the floor is starting to feel cold.

His apartment walls are really bare. He has always been a minimalist when it comes to decoration, but his current décor isn’t minimal, it’s just empty. Yunjin had a good eye for décor. She was also really handy with tools. She made her own desk for her apartment. Jake couldn’t even build the desk from Target.

Jake misses Yunjin. Sure, he probably had rushed into the whole marriage thing and she kind of sucks for cheating on him, but still, she was his best friend. Well, apart from Jay. And Heeseung. Okay, she was the third most important person in his life. He groans.

“You okay?” Heeseung asks sleepily from the couch. His eyes are still closed and his arm is dangling off the side of the couch, but apparently, Jake’s crisis woke him up. “Jake?”

Jake sighs. “I think I am impossible.” Jake mumbles. “I don’t know.”

Heeseung laughs. “I think your drunk.”

“I am that too.” Jake nods. He tries to sit up from his spot on the floor so he can turn to face Heeseung on the couch. He moves a bit too quickly, and he has to take a second to re-center himself. It feels like he is on a spinning wheel. “I just mean. Is it so wrong to have a plan? Is it so bad to believe love can conquer anything?”

Heeseung stares at him for a few seconds. “No. I don’t think it’s bad. You’re a romantic at heart.” Heeseung nods. “And you have a lot of love to give.”

“But now I don’t have anyone to give my love to.” Jake pouts. “She left.”

Heeseung shakes his head. “I think you give your friends a lot of love.” Heeseung says. “And, I am sure you will find someone new to give your love to.”

“No. I don’t want new. I am on a dating hiatus.” Jake says, resolutely. “You should join me.”

“I have a boyfriend.” Heeseung rolls his eyes.

“You should dump him.” Jake says simply.

“It’s not that easy, Jake.” Heeseung sighs. “If it was, then I would have already.” Heeseung sits up so he can run a hand through his hair. Heeseung has really pretty hair. Jake likes it best when it’s fluffy, but he also likes when Heeseung has his bangs pushed back.

“I think if I break up, I will need a fresh start.” Heeseung says gesturing at the room around him. “I think I would want to leave this place.”

“The city?” Jake pouts.

Heeseung shakes his head. “The country probably. I have always wanted to travel.”

Jake thinks about Heeseung leaving him next year and he kind of hates it. Next year, he and Heeseung were supposed to move in together and have Lego nights and watch anime together. But, Jake supposes they could still watch anime together over zoom. He did that with Yunjin sometimes.

Jake sighs. “If you want to travel, then you should. What about school though?”

Heeseung shrugs. “Eh. It will always be here for me when I get back.”

“Well, I support you leaving him even if it means you traveling.” Jake says. “You’re too wonderful to be treated so poorly.” Jake says flopping back down on the floor. His head hurts and he suddenly is struggling to keep his eyes open, so he misses the look that Heeseung gives him from the couch. Instead, he just falls asleep thinking of how he should buy more artwork for his apartment.

“I swear if you say interesting, I am going to chuck another pillow.” Jake cuts Ni-ki off before he can even begin to speak.

Ni-ki mimes zipping his mouth shut and throwing the key away. But then he immediately starts writing in his notebook. Ni-ki’s handwriting is much better than Jake’s when Jake was at that age. But Ni-ki’s spelling still needs a bit of work. Maybe this will be good practice for him.

“What could you possibly be writing down after that?” Jake asks seriously.

“Just theories.” Ni-ki says vaguely.

“Okay…well, anyway I was a bit sad for the next few months. I spent the end of the school year and summer sticking to my dating hiatus…” Jake explains. “Which mostly just consisted of hanging out with Heeseung in my apartment every night.”

Ni-ki nods, exchanging his notebook for his duck plushie. Jake bites down on a smile. “I was still working at the campaign and school was just about to start back up in a week when…” Jake continues.

“I think I am ready.” Heeseung says after the episode finishes. He and Jake are sitting on Jake’s couch. Jake has his head in Heeseung’s lap, so Heeseung can play with Jake’s hair. He says that Jake is like an overgrown puppy, but Jake can tell Heeseung doesn’t actually mind.

Jake doesn’t adjust his position and instead just asks, “Ready for what?”

“Ready to leave.” Heeseung nods. “I think I am ready to leave him.”

Jake gets up at that. Heeseung has spent most nights this summer sleeping on Jake’s couch, and he knows Heeseung’s boyfriend has not been thrilled at it. The less time Heeseung spends at home, the angrier his boyfriend gets. And the angrier he gets, the less time Heeseung wants to spend at home.

“Really? When did you decide?” Jake asks.

Heeseung looks down at his lap, picking a few of Jake’s hairs from his pants. “I, um, looked into a study abroad program.” Heeseung says, quietly. “Apparently, I can do my entire junior year in Europe.”

Jake’s stomach falls. “You already applied?”

Heeseung nods.

“And you were accepted?”

Heeseung nods again.

“You’ve known you were going to do this for a while?”

Heeseung winces but nods again.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jake asks. “Why wait this long? You probably leave in like a week or something.”

“3 days.” Heeseung says. “I leave in 3 days.”

Jake can feel his eyes starting to water. He knows Heeseung needs to do what is best for him, but the idea of losing Heeseung in 3 days hits him hard. Heeseung has been a constant presence all summer long.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jake asks again.

Heeseung looks up from his lap. His eyes are watery too. “I didn’t know how.” He sighs. “Jake, you’ve been so good to me the past few months. Truly, I don’t know if I can repay you for all the kindness you have shown me.” Heeseung’s voice is stilted. He clears his throat. “You’re my best friend and I didn’t want to upset you. I just wanted to enjoy our summer together.”

Jake nods. He gets it. And he knows Heeseung isn’t leaving to punish Jake…even if it feels like a punishment anyway. “Can we still watch anime together over zoom?” Jake asks.

“Of course.” Heeseung laughs. “I’m not leaving you, Jake. I promise. I am just leaving this place for a while.”

Jake feels a few stray tears escape down his cheek. He wipes them with his sweater paw and nods. “I know. I’m just going to miss you.”

“Me too.” Heeseung sighs. “I actually have kind of a corny request…” Heeseung trails off.

Jake motions for him to continue. Honestly, Jake doesn’t really trust his voice right now. He would feel better if Heeseung was the one talking.

“So obviously we are going to zoom and text and whatnot, but I was wondering if you also wanted to write letters to each other?” Heeseung asks. “I think it would be kind of fun to do old-fashioned letters, and I have never had a pen pal.”

Jake smiles. “I would love to write you old-fashioned letters.”

“So Heeseung is really going to leave you?” Ni-ki asks. “That’s sad. I would be pretty angry if Sunoo left me.”

Jake smiles. “I couldn’t be too mad at Heeseung. I knew he needed a fresh start because of his boyfriend.” Jake sighs. “It was the right thing for him even if it sucked for me.”

“Interesting.” Ni-ki says.

True to his word, Jake reaches down for the pillow next to him and chucks it at Ni-ki. “I told you to stop saying that.”

Ni-ki laughs and then turns back to his notebook to write some things down. “So, what did you do after Heeseung left?” Ni-ki asks.

“Well, that was actually when I met…” Jake thinks of another fake name. “Jennie.”

“About a week after Heeseung left, I met Jennie at a coffee shop in between my classes.” Jake starts.

Jake has one more class for the day, and then he has to go work at the campaign office for a few hours. November is just a few months away, so there is no shortage of things to do. Jake has even moved up from errand boy to phone donation boy. He spends his time calling people and trying to convince them to donate. It’s not the most rewarding, but he certainly doesn’t miss cleaning the toilets.

Jake takes a sip of his coffee as he opens his planner. Tomorrow, he has a lighter schedule, so he and Heeseung will try to video call and watch a few episodes of anime together. Heeseung has only been gone a week, and Jake is already struggling with the distance. But he knows they will get a more solid routine established as they work out the kinks these first few weeks.

Jake takes another sip of coffee and realizes there is a girl staring at him in the booth near the window. He frowns and looks down at is shirt. He didn’t spill anything. He looks at the table behind him, but there is no one sitting there. He makes eye contact with the girl and points at himself.

She laughs and motions for him to come toward her. Jake shrugs, making his way to the booth. “Can I help you with something?” Jake asks.

“Yeah, I just wanted to give you my number.” The girl smiles. “My name is Xiaoting.”

Jake startles at that. He did promise Heeseung that he would try to end his dating hiatus, but still, he didn’t expect to get asked out in a coffee shop.

“Uh, why?” Jake asks dumbly.

Xiaoting shrugs. “You’re cute, so I figured why not?”

Jake blushes. “I-uh. I’m flattered.” Jake admits. He looks at Xiaoting closely. She’s stunning. She has gorgeous auburn hair and strong features. And he likes her boldness. Her approach kind of reminds him of Jay: confident and direct.

“Do you have a piece of paper?” Jake asks.

Xiaoting smiles and reaches into her purse. She hands Jake her phone and says, “Just enter your number and text yourself, so you have my number.”

Jake nods, entering his name. “Are you a student?” Xiaoting asks as Jake is sending himself a text.

“Yeah, I’m a sophomore. What about you?” Jake asks.

“I just graduated,” she says. “Now I work for an online news media company as a journalist.”

Jake hands back her phone. “That’s really cool. I bet right now is a busy time with all the election stuff,” Jake smiles.

Xiaoting nods. “Oh yeah, it’s crazy right now. But I still manage to have some free time.” She winks.

Jake blushes again and gives a slight bow. “Well, I better get going, but I look forward to seeing you again.”

“Me to.” Xiaoting smiles.

“Jennie seems cool,” Ni-ki says. “Way cooler than you, dad.”

Jake laughs. But that has indeed always been true. Xiaoting is most defintely cooler than Jake. Her wife would also agree. Jake realizes that all three of the women in this story have come out as gay.

That’s kind of odd, he thinks. Maybe he has a thing for closeted lesbians? He shakes his head. That makes him sound pervy. And it isn’t like he knew they were closeted lesbians when he was dating them. Still, the fact that three of his former girlfriends have come out is a bit of a funny coincidence.

“She is very cool.” Jake nods. “I really liked how direct she was.” Jake smiles. “It’s gotten a bit better now, but back then, there was still some societal pressure that prevented girls from asking guys out.”

“What do you mean?” Ni-ki asks.

“Well, some people think girls shouldn’t be the ones to ask guys out.” Jake shrugs. “I never really understood it, honestly.”

“That’s silly.” Ni-ki agrees.

Jake nods. “Agreed.”

Ni-ki looks at his notebook and then back at Jake. Jake’s eyes are starting to get a bit tired, and he can tell Ni-ki is fighting sleep as well. “So… what happened with Jennie?” Ni-ki asks.

“Well, we met up about a week after exchanging numbers, and we really hit it off.” Jake smiles. “She was charming and always kept me on my toes.”

“Did you still hang out with Heeseung?” Ni-ki asks.

Jake nods. “Oh yeah, things did get easier once we established a routine. We usually zoomed twice a week and then we made sure to keep up with our letters to each other too…” Jake says.

Dear Jake,

My first letter. Wow. This is really weird. Thank you for indulging me and agreeing to be my pen pal. Letters always seem so romantic in the movies, but in actuality, they are actually quite difficult to write. Please don’t judge the quality of this one.

I am enjoying Europe so far. My host family is very nice and they speak English, which is good because I have you as my personal English tutor if I get stuck.

I hope school is going well for you and that the campaign isn’t giving you too much trouble. I think Chris actually likes you, which is more than can be said for how he feels about most people in that office.

I saw an outside basketball court near a park the other day and I thought of you. Will you continue to play even though I’m not there? Somehow, I doubt it.

Anyway, I think I will end the letter here.

Thanks again for agreeing to this!

-Heeseung

Heeseung,

Your first letter was great. I’m glad that you are settling in with your host family nicely. And that they speak English. Just text me if you ever need my help.

I miss you a bit here. I won’t lie. But, the campaign is going good. I am on donation duty now, so my job is to spend hours on the phone asking people for money.

I don’t miss the copy room at all. I’m sure you can relate.

I also met a girl the other day…She actually asked me out. I know we talked about me ending my dating hiatus, so I think I will give her a chance. She seems like a cool person.

Have you met any guys in Europe?

Also, no I haven’t been back to play basketball. I only play when I am with you. So, I guess that means I am now on a basketball hiatus instead of a dating hiatus.

I’m not really sure how to end this letter, but I hope you continue to enjoy Europe!

-Jake

Jake,

Thank you for spending three hours on the phone with me last night. I know that by the time you get this letter, it will probably be weeks from now, but still, I really appreciated it. You cured my homesickness so easily.

I’m glad things with Xiaoting seem to be going well. As for me, I am enjoying being single after a long time in a relationship. I feel like I have rediscovered some of my confidence, which is nice. I can’t believe I stayed with that asshole for so long…

Anyway, we haven’t discussed how we are going to spend our birthdays, but mine is already two weeks away. I’m sure by the time you are reading this, we will have made plans for some type of zoom. It would be easier if you and Beomgyu could be in the same place, but I’m sure everything will work out.

I really wonder how people used to write romantic prose in letters. I get awkward talking about my birthday with my best friend.

Still, I am grateful for your willingness to keep being corny with me.

-Heeseung

Heeseung,

I can’t believe the local election is actually over. Though, we are already starting to prepare for next year’s ballot measures, so I guess campaigning never truly ends. Still, I feel proud for my small contribution to this year’s election. Even if it was just that I got a lady to donate fifteen grand.

Your letter mentioned your birthday and now as I am writing this, my birthday is fast approaching. I think the zoom party worked well, but honestly, I am a bit selfish. I think I can do something with everyone here a few days after, so I am hoping that on my actual birthday, the zoom can just be you and I.

I think I just want to eat ramyeon and watch anime. Perhaps that’s a boring 20th birthday, but it’s what I want. Xioating says I am an old man at heart. That’s probably true actually.

You know what I started thinking about recently…kids. How cool would it be to be a dad?

Jay says I have baby fever because my cousin just had twins, and honestly, he’s probably right. But, still, I like the idea of having a kid. I mean obviously not now. But you know, in the future…

Anyway, this letter was all over the place. Sorry for rambling.

-Jake

Jake,

I liked how you bounce around topics in your letters. It’s a lot like how you talk in person too.

I’m happy that your birthday was just the two of us. I don’t think it makes us boring, but maybe I am a bad judge of these things.

I’ll admit there was one part of your letter that I haven’t talked to you about yet. I think it would have been weird to work into a text conversation and also, I liked the idea of putting my response to you in this letter.

But yeah, the kid thing. I am somehow not surprised you got baby fever. You’re the same guy who proposed at nineteen. You wanting kids makes perfect sense to me.

I guess I am just surprised how easily I could picture it? I’m not someone who has ever thought of having kids, but the thought of raising our kids togetherour kids being friends is an interesting one. I think I would want a son one day.

What about you? Would you want a daughter or son? How many kids do you see yourself having?

Why do I feel like I am the one with baby fever now?

Anyway, I hope you are not struggling too much with finals. I know how you get with exam season.

-Heeseung

Heeseung,

Yes, I put this letter on Christmas paper. Sue me. The reindeer are cute and they remind me of you.

Wow, our last two letters have just been us geeking out over babies. But honestly, I am happy I’m not the only one who seems excited by the idea of a future kid. As for a son or a daughter, I don’t really care. I guess the cheesy answer is as long as they are healthy, but truly, I don’t have a preference.

Xiaoting went back home for the holidays, so I gave her the Christmas gift already. You were right. She loved it so much. She says she goes through so many notebooks in a month, so having a whole personalized set will be nice. She also liked the bracelet.

I hope you like the gift that came with this letter. It was hard not being able to ask you because I usually ask for your opinion on everything, but Beomgyu assured me that you would like this.

Hopefully, he is right. I hope you have a nice holiday and I’m sure I’ll talk to you on Christmas.

-Jake

“What did you get Heeseung for Christmas that year?” Ni-ki asks.

“Ah, I got him a guitar.” Jake shrugs. “He always talked about wanting to learn how to play an instrument, so I sent him a guitar.”

“Wow. That’s nice gift.” Ni-ki says. “So you and Jennie were still together?”

“Yep, we actually stayed together the next semester and following summer too.” Jake smiles.

“Hmmm.” Ni-ki says as he adds notes to his notebook. “But you said this story was about 3 women?”

“It is. And I will tell you what happened with Jennie on Friday night, but I am going to end the story here for tonight.” Jake says, yawning. “I don’t know how you are still awake, but I am exhausted.”

Ni-ki pouts, clutching his duck plushie. “What were our rules?” Jake reminds him.

“I didn’t say anything.” Ni-ki says, sulkily.

“Let me take your notebook and put it on the desk, okay?” Jake says getting up from the rocking chair. Ni-ki nods, so Jake sets the notebook down on the desk and then walks back over to tuck Ni-ki in bed. “Do you want your nightlight on tonight?” Jake asks. Ni-ki has been trying to get over his fear of the dark, but he knows there are some nights where Ni-ki still needs the night light.

“Yes, please.” Ni-ki nods. “Thanks, dad.” Jake leans down to plug in the blue octopus nightlight on the ground and then makes his way toward the bedroom door.

“No problem. I love you.” Jake says as he shuts the door.

Chapter Text

After dropping Ni-ki off at school, Jake figures he should give Yunjin a heads up about the surprise sex education lecture yesterday. He dials Yunjin on his way to work.

“Hey, everything okay?” Yujin asks. Jake can hear the sound of her typing through the phone.

“I think so. But I just wanted to give you a heads up since you’re picking Ni-ki up today.” Jake starts. “Apparently, yesterday, Ni-ki’s class got a sex education lecture.”

“Oh dear.” Yunjin mumbles. The typing stops.

“Yeah, be thankful you didn’t face the firing squad like I did yesterday.” Jake laughs. “I think I answered most of his questions, but I punted on a few, so I just wanted to give you a heads up in case he tries to ask them to you tonight.”

“I will try to be better than the stork lecture.” Yujin says, a smile evident in her voice. “Thank you for taking one for the team.”

“No problem. He uh-he wanted the story of how we met…so I have kind of turned it into a game.” Jake pauses at the stoplight, scratching the back of his neck. “If he starts talking about a mystery or whatever, it’s probably that.”

Yunjin laughs. “Where are you up to in the story?”

The light changes, and Jake moves with the flow of the city’s traffic. “I’m in the middle of the Xiaoting story, but her fake name is Jennie.” Jake admits.

“Ooo. That’s a tough one.” Yunjin says. “Then again, so was our first breakup.”

“No shit.” Jake laughs. “Ni-ki chewed me out for thinking I should propose at 19.” Jake admits. “A bit embarrassing our kid has better sense than me.”

Yunjin laughs. “You’re a romantic. You always have been, Jake.”

“I guess.” Jake says. “I feel like Ni-ki is cooking up something in his head, but I can’t figure out what it is. Do you perhaps feel like playing spy?”

“You think I can get more than glares from Ni-ki when he’s here?” Yunjin jokes, but Jake can hear the hurt underneath her tone. Jake cringes.

“Um, well that was a condition to the story…” Jake trails off. “He has to be nicer to you and Sakura if he wants the story to continue.”

Yunjin is silent for a second. Jake wonders if she thinks he overstepped. Instead, Yunjin says, “Thank you, Jake.” Yunjin pauses. “I don’t blame you for Ni-ki taking this out on me. I know you’ve tried to reason with him.” Yunjin sighs. “He’s just stubborn, and he loves you.”

Jake frowns. “I know. But, he loves you too. He just needs a villain because it’s easier to process his emotions that way. Or at least that’s what Sunghoon says.”

“Well, I guess I do make a better villain.” Yunjin laughs. “You would be shit at it.”

“Hey!” Jake objects. “I could be a villain.”

“Sure. There are plenty of golden retriever villains out there.” Yunjin snorts.

“Oh, speaking of villains. I think we might want to strategize on how to approach Ni-ki’s teacher next time we see her.” Jake says. “Apparently, some of her ideas about love, sex, and marriage are a bit outdated.”

“Oh boy.” Yunjin groans. “Okay, yeah, we can bring it up at the next parent teacher conference.”

“Sounds good. I’m almost at the office, and I know I’ve taken enough of your time.” Jake says. “Thanks, Yunjin.”

“No problem. Talk to you later, Jake.” Yunjin says, ending the call.

“Hey! How’d yesterday go?” Sunghoon asks, knocking on Jake’s door.

“Ni-ki wanted the story of how he and his mom met.” Jake says. “I’ve turned it into a bit of mystery game.” Jake tosses a tennis ball in the air and catches it.

“Ah, yeah. I always wanted that story from my parents too. I thought if they would retell it, they would see how perfect they were for each other.” Sunghoon nods, pulling out the chair in front of Jake’s desk.

“Did it work?” Jake asks, catching the tennis ball again.

“Nope. I realized that my dad has been cheating on my mom since before they were married.” Sunghoon shrugs.

Jake groans, drops the tennis ball, and leans his head on his desk. “Yeah, I debated whether I should tell the part about Yunjin cheating on me when we got together the first time.”

Sunghoon snorts. “I’m guessing you included it?”

“I did. But, we broke up that time, so I don’t think Ni-ki can hold a grudge for that.” Jake says. “I’m more concerned that he has something else up his sleeve.”

“Like what?” Hoon asks leaning back against the chair.

“He kept saying ‘interesting’ after certain parts of my story.” Jake frowns. “And, I have no idea why.”

“Which parts?” Sunghoon asks.

“Pretty much all parts that involved my old friend Heeseung.” Jake says. “But when I asked him about it, he just said he had theories.”

“Weird.” Sunghoon agrees, but then he frowns. “I haven’t heard you mention that name in a long time.” Sunghoon points out.

“Yeah.” Jake sighs. “I’m sure Ni-ki will tell me what he’s thinking eventually.” Jake shakes his head. “In the meantime, we have to think about fruity pebbles.” Jake laughs.

“So, you’re ready to think fruity?” Sunghoon jokes.

Jake pours the pasta into a bowl. When it’s just him, he doesn’t cook anything too fancy. Pasta is an easy go-to after a long day of work.

Jake sits at his counter and pulls out his phone to call Jay. He picks up on the second ring. “Hey, I got the fax of the divorce papers.” Jay says.

“They look okay to sign?” Jake asks, chewing on his pasta.

“Yeah, it’s everything we discussed. No tricks.” Jay says. “I think you will officially be divorced soon.”

“Fantastic.” Jake mumbles. “35 and divorced. I feel great.” Jake sighs. Jay snorts, and Jake rubs his eyes. “Well, I’m going to go sign these papers and then get some sleep.” Jake says. “Thanks, Jay.”

Jake isn’t sure why he feels the need to dig through his old photo albums at nearly midnight. But, somehow he got it in his head that Ni-ki will get a kick out of seeing an old photo of Jake and Heeseung from college. And showing a photo of Heeseung is safe because it won’t spoil any of the mystery for Ni-ki.

It takes a while for Jake to find the photo he is looking for but eventually, he spots it toward the back of a photo album. It was taken on a polaroid camera because Jake had been obsessed with polaroid cameras at the time.

Both he and Heeseung were smiling and behind them were two completed marvel Legos. They had spent a few hours putting them together, so it felt like an accomplishment to finish.

At the time, Jake had honey blonde hair and Heeseung had brown hair with dark blue streaks. Both of them were wearing huge smiles. Jake sighs. The picture hurts a little more than he expected, but he still decides to keep it aside for Ni-ki to look at tomorrow.

When Jake picks Ni-ki up from school on Friday, Ni-ki is buzzing with energy. “Is starting the story now too early?” Ni-ki asks already moving toward Jake’s apartment.

“A little. You didn’t even tell me about your day.” Jake pouts. “Not even a hello actually.”

“Hi, dad.” Ni-ki waives, exaggeratingly slow. “My day was good. Sunoo and Jungwon are invested in love story mystery.” Ni-ki says. “We spent the whole day theorizing.”

“That’s concerning.” Jake says. “Do they agree with your theories?”

“Yep. Sunoo actually pointed out more evidence that I hadn’t considered.”

“You want to run them by me?” Jake asks.

“Nope. Not yet.” Ni-ki smiles innocently.

Jake shakes his head. “How was mom’s last night?” Jake asks curiously.

“Fine. I told mom about my day and I answered Sakura’s question about soccer.” Ni-ki shrugs. “Can we play soccer this weekend?” Ni-ki asks excitedly.

“Ni-ki, you know you’re with your mom this weekend.” Jake sighs.

Ni-ki frowns. “Can’t I stay with you instead?” He asks, picking at the hem of his shirt.

“What were the conditions about the story?” Jake asks patiently.

“I was nice to her. I just want to stay with you this weekend.” Ni-ki says, pouting. “Is it so bad to want to spend time with my dad?”

Jake rolls his eyes. “That won’t work on me.” Jake says pointing at Ni-ki’s pout. “Last month your mom let you stay with me for three of the four weekends. But that can’t happen every month. It’s 50/50, buddy.”

“Fine.” Ni-ki crosses his arm. “I hate 50/50.”

“Sounds like you want to stop Love Story Mystery.” Jake shrugs.

“No! You can’t!” Ni-ki turns to face Jake, pleading

“Less attitude toward your mom then.” Jake says seriously.

Ni-ki sulks, but nods in agreement.

“Okay so we were right around August of my Junior year, right?” Jake asks. “I was still dating Jennie. Heeseung got approved for another semester abroad, so he was still traveling.”

Ni-ki nods, taking a bite of steak.

“Okay, well at that time I had actually been working all summer on a getting enough lobbying attention for a bill that would appear on the November election…” Jake trails off.

“Jake!” Chan yells from his office.

Jake walks in hesitantly. “Yes?” Jake asks, scratching his head.

“I think you’ve done it.” Chan nods. “It looks like there is going to be enough support for the measure to pass.” Chan smiles. “Good work.”

Jake tries to bite down on his smile. “Really? You’re not fucking with me?” Jake asks.

“I’m not fucking with you. In fact, a couple of the local politicians have been asking for soundbites they could use. You think your up for the task of drafting those?” Chan asks.

“Me?” Jake asks looking around Chan’s office.

“Do you see another Jake here?” Chan rolls his eyes.

Jake shakes his head. “Uh I’d be honored.”

“Good.” Chan nods. “Get them to me by the end of the week.”

Jake nods and leaves Chan’s office. He resists fist bumping until he’s safely outside walking to get coffee. He will tell Xiaoting later, but he needs to tell someone right now. Jake dials Heeseung without even thinking about time zones.

“Hello?” Heeseung picks up, sounding groggy.

“Shit. I woke you up.” Jake says. “I’m sorry.”

“Everything okay?” Heeseung asks gently.

“Yeah, I was just going to share some good news, but I can call you back later.” Jake says.

“Or you could tell me now.” Heeseung says and Jake can hear sheets rustle. Then, he hears the click of a lamp.

“Are you sure?” Jake asks. “You can go back to bed.”

“I’m up. I want to hear.” Heeseung says, and Jake can hear the smile in his voice.

“Okay, well you know the measure that is supposed to give more protection to LGBTQ kids at school that I’ve been trying to fundraise for all summer?” Jake asks.

“Of course.” Heeseung says. “Did you get an update on it?”

“I got better than an update.” Jake breathes. “Chan says that he thinks there’s enough support for it to pass in November.” Jake pauses. “And he wants me to write the soundbites for local politicians.”

“Jake! That’s huge.” Heeseung cheers. “I’m so proud of you.”

Jake blushes a bit. “I’m really happy. Ever since you told me all the things you had to go through during school, it made me push for support that much more.”

“I think it will be a huge victory for queer kids.” Heeseung says. “I am really proud of you, Jaeyun.” Heeseung says softly.

“Thanks, Hee.” Jake smiles.

“What’s a measure?” Ni-ki asks, reaching for a second helping. Jake takes a little pride in that because Ni-ki is a notoriously light eater.

“A ballot measure is essentially a rule that people vote on whether they want to become law.”

“That sounds cool. Can I look up the law?” Ni-ki asks, eyes widening.

Jake winces. “Well, it actually didn’t pass that year.” Jake sighs. “An improved version of the measure was passed as a law a few years later though.”

“Wait, but your boss said he thought it would pass.” Ni-ki frowns.

“He did. And in August of that year, it likely would have.” Jake says. “Unfortunately, something happened with the measure’s drafter that made supporting it a bad move politically.”

“What do you mean?” Ni-ki asks.

“Well, it is actually why Jennie and I’s relationship ended…” Jake trails off.

Jake reads through the article again. His hands are shaking as he grips the paper. The news isn’t any easier to digest the first time.

Once he finishes, he looks at Xiaoting across from him. She is biting her lip. Their noodles sit untouched between them.

“Xiaoting…” Jake says. “It’s October…” Jake breathes. “If this gets released now, there’s no way the measure passes…”

“Jake, you’re not seriously telling me to hold off on this right?” Xiaoting asks incredulous.

“Not forever. Just three more weeks. Why can’t you wait three more weeks?” Jake pleads.

“You’re serious?” Xiaoting asks. “This guy is a monster and you want me to sit on this story because it is better for your career.”

Jake stares at her, trying to calm himself down. “It’s not about my career. It’s about the measure. It can help so many people. Why should those people be punished for this guy’s crimes?”

“Jake, if this comes out after, the bill is still going to have a negative stain because he’s the one who drafted it.” Xioating says. “Wouldn’t you rather support a law protecting queer kids that wasn’t written by a literal predator?”

“Of course, I would, but there isn’t time to get a new one drafted and lobbied in three weeks. So that means another year without these protections.” Jake explains. But Xioating is still biting her lip, and Jake realizes it doesn’t matter what he thinks.

“You already submitted this.” It isn’t a question. Jake can tell by her facial expression that she has. She didn’t show Jake this for his opinion. She already moved forward with it without even consulting him.

“I couldn’t sit on this story, Jake.” Xiaoting says. “Do you understand?”

“No. I honestly don’t.” Jake shakes his head. “I don’t understand how you could have done this without even asking me first.” Jake sighs. “I would have listened to you and wanted to discuss it, but the fact you didn’t even trust me enough to talk through this speaks volumes.”

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you…” Xioating says. “It’s just that…well I know how personal this is to you.”

“Yeah. It fucking is. And you still didn’t bring it up to me first.” Jake frowns. “I don’t know where to go from here.”

“What do you mean?” Xioating asks.

“I mean. I don’t think I can be with you after this.” Jake admits.

“You’re breaking up with me because I wrote a story about this?” Xioating narrows her eyes.

“That’s not it.” Jake says. “I am breaking up with you because you didn’t even bother to consult me about this. Regardless of your decision, you should have trusted me enough to at least talk to me about it before you did it.”

“Jake, you have to know that I support everything you’ve been working towards. But this guy has already ruined the image associated with the measure. Waiting three weeks for the impact isn’t going to improve anything.” Xioating says with tears in her eyes.

“I get that. But the fact is, for the next year, queer kids won’t have the protections they deserve. We failed to protect them.” Jake’s throat feels dry. “I failed them. And you didn’t even trust me enough to let me know until now.” He gets up from the table, leaving $100 for the food. “I can’t be here right now.”

“I’m sorry, Jake.” Xiaoting says, crying softly.

“Yeah, me too.” Jake sighs. “Me too.”

“The scandal broke the next day and support for the bill disappeared instantly.” Jake sighs. Ni-ki frowns at him.

“I don’t like Jennie.” Ni-ki crosses his arms. “I hope she isn’t my mom.”

“Hey” Jake chides gently. “Jennie did the right thing with regards to the scandal.” Jake says. “The timing sucked, and I wish she had talked to me before submitting it, but she was absolutely right to publish it.”

“What about the measure?”

“I think the bill that got passed a few years later ended up being better than the original. And she was right. Having a bill tied to that guy would have done more harm than good.” Jake explains. “But I will admit that it took me a little while to cool off.”

“So you guys broke up?” Ni-ki asks.

“We did. And I was pretty sad about everything.” Jake says. “Luckily for me, Heeseung came home early after hearing the news.”

“Interesting.” Ni-ki says.

“I am just going to ignore you.” Jake narrows his eyes at Ni-ki. “Anyway, Heeseung coming back helped me…”

“Jake, I’ll be honest. You look pathetic.” Heeseung says staring down at him.

Jake is surrounded by leftover cartons and he hasn’t showered in a week. He has just been sitting on his couch, wrapped up in a blanket that has a decent sized wine stain on it. Still, he just shrugs at Heeseung.

“When was the last time you got any fresh air?” Heeseung asks.

Jake shrugs.

“You smell awful, so I am going to guess showers haven’t happened either. What about food groups other than takeout?” Heeseung points at the cartons around him.

Jake shakes his head.

“Okay…well. Priority number one is shower.” Heeseung nods. “Then a walk to the grocery store where we will buy something green for you to eat.”

Jake shakes his head again, wrapping the blanket around himself tighter. “I can’t.”

“You can.” Heeseung says. “I promise. And if it comes down to it, I will strip you myself and throw you in your shower.”

Jake rolls his eyes. “So dramatic.”

“I’m dramatic?” Heeseung asks, gesturing to Jake’s cave of misery. “Sure. I’m the dramatic one in this apartment.”

Jake nods, but he rises to his feet.

“Jake, you should leave the blanket so I can throw it in the washer.” Heeseung says wincing at the wine stain.

Jake looks at the blanket and nods before handing it to Heeseung.

When Jake returns from his shower, Heeseung has made a significant dent in the cleaning. Jake still feels like shit, but at least he no longer smells.

“How can one man eat so much noodles?” Heeseung asks throwing another takeaway carton into a trash bag.

Jake shrugs.

“Do you need a jacket to go to the grocery store?” Heeseung nods at him.

“You were serious about that?” Jake asks.

“Yep, we need to get you some fresh air and something green.” Heeseung says. “Go put on a jacket and we’ll head out.”

As they walk outside Jake’s apartment, he realizes he forgot Halloween is soon. His neighbor has her pumpkins outside her door. Jake used to love carving pumpkins as a kid.

“Can we get a pumpkin?” Jake asks.

“I don’t think that counts as something green.” Heeseung says.

“No, I mean like to carve.” Jake points at the pumpkins on the ground.

“I just spent an hour cleaning your apartment and now you want to carve pumpkins?” Heeseung asks.

“Oh. You’re right. I’m stupid.” Jake says.

“I didn’t say that.” Heeseung groans. “Of course, we can get a pumpkin.”

“You love halloween!” Ni-ki says. “Well not scary stuff. But the other Halloween stuff.” Ni-ki frowns. “You must have been really sad.”

“I was really sad.” Jake admits. “And I do love Halloween, but Heeseung and I carved a pumpkin that night.” Jake remembers the polaroid that he found. “Oh! I forgot I found something that you might get a kick out of.” Jake says, going to grab the polaroid for Ni-ki.

Ni-ki is sitting on the living room couch when Jake returns. Jake hands Ni-ki the picture. “That’s a photo of Heeseung and me.”

“Whoa.” Ni-ki says taking the photo. “Heeseung is handsome.”

Jake laughs. “He really is. I used to tell him that all the time.” Jake says. “Anyway, I thought it would be nice to be able to put one face to a name.”

Ni-ki stares at the picture for a few more seconds and then looks back at Jake. “Can I keep this?”

Jake shrugs. “Sure, I don’t see why not. Why do you want it?”

“I need to bring it to my next meeting with Sunoo and Jungwon.” Ni-ki says evasively. “For our theories.”

“How is a picture of me and Heeseung going to help you guess who your mom is?” Jake asks seriously.

“A scientist never reveals his methods.” Ni-ki says.

“That’s not true. Scientists have to reveal their methods actually.” Jake says. “There’s a whole peer review process…”

“Fine, a magician never reveals his tricks.” Ni-ki cuts Jake off.

“There’s magic involved now?” Jake jokes.

“Dadddd.” Ni-ki whines. “Can’t we just get back to the story?”

Chapter Text

“Okay, so the rest of that year was pretty uneventful. Heeseung came home for his last semester that year and I finished my junior year.” Jake says, settling into the rocking chair in Ni-ki’s room.

“You were how old?” Ni-ki asks, writing in his notebook.

“I was 21. And I was broke.” Jake smiles. “So that summer I started applying for jobs.” Jake says, scratching his head. “I ended up getting a job as a barista at local coffee shop.”

“That makes sense.” Ni-ki nods. “Mom says you make the best coffee, but I am not supposed to tell Sakura that ever.”

Jake laughs. “Your secret is safe with me.” Jake touches his chest with the palm of his hand.

“Okay, so you started working at a coffee shop. Was Heeseung also working there?” Ni-ki asks innocently.

“No, he was applying for entry level positions since he had finished school.” Jake sighs. “He was being a bit secretive, which made me suspect he was applying to positions out of the country as well.”

Ni-ki nods, writing in his notebook again. Jake continues to feel like he is missing something.

“Anyway, it was that summer that I met…Rose.”

Jake smiles at a pretty girl with bubble gum pink hair as he hands her the vanilla latte that he just made. “Here you go.” Jake says.

“Thank you.” She says, looking up at Jake. “Oh, wow.” The girl stares. “You could be a model.”

Jake laughs, but the girl shakes her head pulling out her purse. “No, I mean I work for a modeling agency and you could be a model.” The girl insists.

Jake blushes, shaking his hands in front of him. But the girl is holding out her card, and he doesn’t want to be rude. He takes the card, “Ah, thank you…” Jake prompts the girl for her name.

“Lily.” She smiles. “And anytime.”

Once she leaves the shop twenty minutes later, Jake pulls out his phone to text Heeseung. Rush hour is over so he has time to breathe finally.

Jake: Do you think I could be a model?

Hee: This feels like a trap…

Jake: So you don’t?

Hee: I never said that. Of course, you could. You’re very handsome.

Jake: Liar.

Heeseung: You’re 5’6…

Jake: 5’9!!!!

Heeseung: Jake, you are not 5’9. We have been over this. I even used a tape measurer.

Jake: I’m at least 5’7. >:(

Jake: But, okay, I’m probably not a model height.

Heeseung: You could model jewelry. You have incredible hands.

Jake: Hmm. A hand model…Should I ask her about that?

Heeseung: Are you really going to reach out to her?

Jake: Not for modeling but…she was super cute…

“You are an idiot, dad.” Ni-ki sighs, grabbing his duck plushie.

“Hey, that’s mean!” Jake pouts. “Also, why do you say that?”

“First of all, you’re defintely not 5’9…” Ni-ki says. Jake rolls his eyes. “But I can’t explain the other reason yet. It’s all part of my theory.” Ni-ki nods.

“Your theory involves me lying about my height?” Jake scratches his head.

Ni-ki rolls his eyes and smothers the plushie against his face. Jake feels like he is missing something obvious.

“Okay, so did you reach out to Rose?” Ni-ki asks.

Jake nods. “I asked her to dinner.”

Jake smiles. Lily is still one of his good friends. She has always been there for Jake and Ni-ki. She has even let Ni-ki play with some professional photography equipment throughout the years. Ni-ki thinks she has the coolest job ever. He wonders if Ni-ki has figured out Rose’s actual identity already. He wouldn’t put it past him.

“The summer with her flew by.” Jake says, reminiscent. “But, just before school started, I got the news I had been dreading.”

It’s late. Probably 2 AM. Heeseung is asleep next to him. Jake probably should have bought another bed given how often Heeseung stays over, but honestly by this point, neither of them minds sharing. He wants to ask Heeseung if they should rent a place together next year, but he has a feeling he knows the answer. It’s the same feeling that his him up at 2 AM.

Heeseung stopped talking about his job prospects halfway through the summer. And for the last week, he has been a bit too quiet. It reminds Jake of how Heeseung had been before leaving to study abroad. He knows their friendship can survive Heeseung leaving, but still, Jake prefers having him close.

“You’re thinking super loud.” Heeseung mumbles, sleepily.

“My bad.” Jake sighs. “Go back to sleep.”

“Should we just talk about it?” Heeseung asks, quietly. “No point ignoring it.”

“You did a decent job all summer.” Jake pouts folding his arms over his chest. He can hear the sheets rustle as Heeseung sits up, turning on the light. Jake resists the urge to bury himself in his blankets.

“So did you.” Heeseung points out. “You could have brought it up.”

“And say what? Ask you why you always want to leave?” Jake says, trying not to sound like a child. “Beg you to stay because I am a giant baby who likes living in the same town as his best friend.”

Heeseung smiles. “You’re not a giant baby.” Heeseung brushes a strand of Jake’s hair behind his ear. “You’re a tiny baby.” Heeseung laughs. Jake just glares.

“I’m trying to be serious.” Jake mumbles.

“I know.” Heeseung sighs. “I’m not trying to leave you alone. I just…” Heeseung gulps. “I like exploring and I like new adventures. But I was never brave enough to take the risk until after I met you.” Heeseung smiles. “You’re like a safe place that I can always return to. I’ve never had that before you.” Heeseung admits. “Does that make sense?”

Jake nods. “I’m always here.” Jake says, stubbornly willing the tears in his eyes away. “I am just going to miss you…again”

“I know. I’m going to miss you too.” Heeseung says. “But it’s just for two years. I think I should be able to transfer closer after two years.”

“Are you even going to tell me what the job is?” Jake laughs, picking at the edge of the bed sheet.

“It’s an entry level developer position at a gaming company.” Heeseung smiles. “It’s a pretty small company, but it’s harder to get the jobs at the bigger companies without any experience.”

Jake nods. “I’m happy for you.” And he is. The job sounds ideal for Heeseung, and Jake is proud of him. Even if the idea of distance hurts.

“When do you leave?” Jake asks, finally daring to make eye contact with Heeseung. Heeseung’s hair is dark brown right now, but he has a silver stripe running diagonally across his bangs. Jake had been obsessed with the look when Heeseung first came through the door.

“Next week.” Heeseung frowns. “It works out timing wise with my lease.” Heeseung shrugs.

“You wasted so much money with that lease. You basically lived here.” Jake points at the dresser in the corner that is filled with Heeseung’s stuff.

“I guess you’re right.” Heeseung smiles. “Maybe, when I move back, we can finally rent an apartment together.”

“That sounds nice.” Jake smiles. And then he yawns. He wants to stay up and to keep talking, but he can tell it’s a losing battle.

“We should sleep.” Heeseung nods, moving to turn off the light.

Jake nods. “Thank you for telling me, Hee.” Jake says rolling on his side to face away from Heeseung.

After a few minutes, Heeseung whispers, “thanks for being my safe space,” to an already sleeping Jake.

“So Heeseung left again?” Ni-ki asks. “And you were in your last year of school?”

“Yep, Rose and I sort of kept dating my whole senior year.” Jake nods. “She and I really got on well, but we ended up breaking up after I graduated.”

“Why?” Ni-ki asks.

“Well, she was going to move for her job, and we decided we were better off as friends.” Jake says.

“I still don’t see why we have to break up.” Jake says throwing a tennis ball in the air. He’s lying on the couch, too exhausted to move. Lily is on the chair, typing on her laptop, chewing on a pen. “We can do long-distance.” Jake suggests.

“We’ve been through this.” Lily sighs. “We aren’t really together any more, Jake. We haven’t been for months.” She says setting down the laptop on the coffee table in front of her.

“What does that mean? We are together all the time.” Jake pouts, tossing the tennis ball in the air again.

“Yeah. But when was the last time we had sex?” Lily looks at him. Jake opens his mouth, but he realizes he doesn’t have an answer. Jake thinks back. It has been a few weeks…or months? He can’t even remember when they last kissed.

“Okay, so maybe we let things get a little stale. But we can fix that.” Jake points out. “We don’t need to break up.”

“Jake, I love you. You are one of my best friends…but our relationship has been platonic for months.” Lily cringes. “You asked me to inspect the tissue you blew your nose into this morning.”

Jake winces. “It was a weird color!” Jake sighs. “Isn’t it good to have a relationship where you are comfortable with the person.” Jake says. “Everyone should marry their best friend.”

“If you want to marry your best friend, you should marry Heeseung.” Lily points out. “In fact, I’m pretty sure you have more sexual tension with him than you have ever had with me.”

Jake blushes. “If that’s true, then why did you and I date for so long?” Jake challenges.

“Because Heeseung moved?” Lily Jokes. Jake just stares at her. “Honestly, I think it’s cause we are comfortable together. And we love each other.” Lily smiles. “We just aren’t in love with each other.”

“Ouch.” Jake feigns being stabbed. “You could have clued me in.”

“If you really disagreed with me, you wouldn’t be throwing a tennis in the ball in the air while we have a conversation about the end of our relationship.” Lily pointed out.

Jake winces, catching the ball and sitting up. “It’s hard because in many ways, this has been the easiest relationship, I’ve ever been in.” Jake explains. “But, I didn’t even realize we stopped being intimate.” Jake sighs. “And I’m not really upset about our relationship ending as long as I get to keep you as my friend….so what does that say about me?”

“Do you want me to actually answer that?” Lily folds her hands together. “Cause I def think you need to process your feelings more.”

“Apparently.” Jake shakes his head. “I’m sorry for not realizing things sooner. I feel a bit shitty about being such an idiot.”

“Don’t be sorry. If I was hurt, I would have said something when it was happening.” Lily shrugs. “We friend-zoned each other.”

“I guess that’s fair.” Jake nods. “So, you’re not going to move and forget about me?”

“No. I am still going to annoy you.” Lily rolls her eyes. “But I’m not writing you cringy love letters like Heeseung does.”

Jake blushes. “They aren’t love letters. They are friendship letters.”

Lily stares at him for a few seconds. “Truly, I don’t know if I have ever met someone so painfully out of touch with their emotions as you.”

“Rude.” Jake pouts. “I’ve always been told I am a romantic.”

“Yes, because you proposed to your first girlfriend at nineteen and people were too polite to call you nuts.” Lily laughs.

“I’d rate this breakup a 0/10.” Jake frowns. “Very mean.”

“You’ll live.” Lily smiles.

“So you and Rose broke up similar to mom?” Ni-ki asks.

Jake frowns because he hadn’t realized the parallels. But then he collects himself. “I think it was a little different than with your mom.” Jake explains. “With Rose, we had sort of always got on better as friends. We both realized that. But your mom and I had a romantic bond in the beginning.”

“But now mom feels the way Rose did?” Ni-ki asks, hugging his duck plushie.

“Kind of. It’s a little more complicated. Your mom realized some things about herself and in the process of those realizations, she realized she didn’t love me romantically anymore.” Jake admits.

“But you still love her?” Ni-ki’s eyes water. And Jake knows he has to tread carefully.

“I will always love your mom. She and I had you together. But, I would never want her to give up on love just to make me happy.” Jake says. “She deserves happiness.”

“And you don’t?” Ni-ki asks. “That doesn’t seem fair.”

“I deserve happiness too. And pity isn’t the same thing as love.” Jake nods. “I deserve someone to love me the same way I love them.”

“Hm.” Ni-ki stays quiet for a few minutes. Jake lets him process everything. He knows that Ni-ki needs to think through everything before he can accept an outcome.

“So, I don’t think Rose is my mom.” Ni-ki nods.

Jake tries to keep a straight face. “Maybe. Who knows? I was still 22 at this point, so a lot can happen in 2 years.”

“Yeah, but Rose is obviously Aunt Lily.” Ni-ki rolls his eyes. “She’s the coolest person in the story.”

“Well, you’ve heard the whole story now. Do I get to hear your theories?” Jake asks.

“Nope. I need to sleep on it.” Ni-ki says making a zipper motion across his mouth.

“Of course. Well, I’ll wake you up in the morning, so we can meet your mom in the park.” Jake says softly. Ni-ki nods.

Jake shuts off Ni-ki’s light and walks back to his room. Ni-ki’s questions are still eating at him, so as soon as he gets in his bed, he grabs his phone.

Jake: Do you think I made the same mistake with Yunjin that I made when we tried dating?

Lily: Hi best friend. I am doing well. Thanks for checking in. It actually is a good time to talk. So glad you asked…

Lily: …But to answer your very loaded question. Not exactly, no.

Jake: What do you mean?

Lily: You and Yunjin did love each other romantically. Or at least as romantically as two closeted disasters could love each other…

Jake: Two closeted disasters?????

Lily: Nvm. One emotionally constipated person and a closeted disaster.

Lily: But my point is. It was different. You guys fell out of love. Whereas, you and I just realized we shared a different kind of love to begin with.

Jake: Why would you say two closeted disasters….

Lily: Autocorrect error. :P

Jake: That doesn’t make any sense.

Lily: Neither do you.

Jake: I can’t believe Ni-ki thinks you’re the coolest person in my life story.

Lily: He is really so smart. You’ve done a great job with him.

Lily: Who else was in your story?

Jake: I made a whole love story mystery out of my past relationships. But I used fake names.

Lily: What name did you use for Heeseung?

Jake: His own name? He isn’t a part of the mystery.

Lily: Is it internalized homophobia, a personal religious hang-up, or are you just truly dense as fuck?

Jake: What is that supposed to mean?

Lily: Nothing. I’m just being loopy. But, I probably have to go soon. Emergency wardrobe issue before the runway.

Jake: Go be a hero.

Lily: :)

Chapter Text

Jake sits on the couch tying his shoes. “Ni-ki, you almost ready?” Jake yells.

Ni-ki comes in, wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, carrying his notebook like it’s a prized possession. “I figured it out.” Ni-ki shrugs, sitting down next to Jake.

“Really?” Jake smiles. “So, who’s your mom?”

Ni-ki smiles. “Lisa, obviously.”

“Oh yeah? What makes you so sure?” Jake asks, trying to keep his face neutral.

“When you were explaining how you left your old college, you said that she brushed your hair tucking it behind your ear.” Ni-ki shrugs. “Mom always does that with me when I leave her house.”

Jake smiles. Yunjin does have that habit. Jake always found the gesture reassuring, and he has a sneaking suspicion Ni-ki does too.

“You’re pretty smart, buddy.” Jake says messing up Ni-ki’s hair. “Good job.”

“But I still don’t know how it happened. How did you guys get back together?”

“Well, it was late summer after I graduated…” Jake starts.

Jake takes a sip from the Champagne glass. He feels horribly out of place at this party. He just started his job at this advertising agency, and the only person he really talks to is Sunghoon. But Hoon already told him he wouldn’t be able to make it tonight.

It’s a party for furniture companies and advertising agencies to mingle. Jake knows nothing about furniture companies, but the company usually sends the entry level people to networking stuff like this. Jake walks around the bar, resisting the urge to check his phone.

He knows Heeseung is waiting for him to get home so they can watch anime tonight. But, he is pretty sure twenty minutes is not considered long enough to sufficiently “network.”

“Jake?” He hears a voice call behind him. Jake turns around to see Yunjin. She is wearing thick black framed glasses and her hair is a light brown color. Honestly, she looks amazing.

“Uh hi?” Jake waives awkwardly. “I-uh? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I work for one of the furniture companies as a sales manager.” Yunjin says waiving her hand dismissively. “For now, at least.”

“For now?” Jake asks, still a bit stunned to see her.

She smiles. “Well, I hope to be able to design my own furniture one day.”

“Look at you.” Jake laughs. “You figured out what you want to do.”

Yunjin giggles. “I did. Sometimes it takes some of us a bit longer.” She pauses. “What about you? What are you doing here?”

Jake blushes a bit. “I, um, work for one of the advertising agencies.”

“Ah, really? That’s surprising.” She says. “I thought you would be a career politician.”

“I’ve learned there’s more than one way to make an impact.” Jake shrugs. “I don’t think I am cut out for politics, honestly.”

Yunjin laughs. “I would say you are far too nice, but I am not sure if that’s offensive.”

Jake shakes his head. “No, it’s honest.”

“So, you live in the city now?” Jake asks. “I was convinced you would never move out here.”

Yujin nods. “I do. Honestly, I like it here way more than I thought I would. Guess I was a bit stuck in my small-town mindset.” Yunjin shakes her head.

“It happens.” Jake agrees.

Jake looks closer at Yunjin. He would have expected this conversation to feel more awkward, but strangely it doesn’t. Jake can accept that he and Yunjin weren’t ready to settle down back when they were younger, but he doesn’t hold that against her. In fact, he’s grateful.

“Are you seeing anyone?” Jake asks curiously.

She shakes her head, a piece of hair falling in her face. Jake smiles, reaching to tuck it behind her ear. It’s a gesture she used to do all the time with him, and the role reversal makes them both blush a bit.

“What about you?” Yunjin asks.

“Nope.” Jake says dragging out the end of the word. “Very single.”

“Would you want to get dinner sometime possibly?” Yunjin asks.

Jake thinks about it for a half a second and then smiles. “I’d really like that a lot actually.” Jake says. “I am really happy I ran into you.”

“And, so we dated for a few months, and I proposed to her around Christmas that year.” Jake says, giving Ni-ki a half smile.

“And she said yes this time.” Ni-ki confirms.

Jake laughs. “Yes, this time, she said yes.”

Ni-ki frowns and folds his arms in front of himself. “This story wasn’t very good.” Ni-ki mumbles.

“Why?” Jake asks concerned. “I thought you enjoyed it?”

Ni-ki looks up at Jake, his eyes watery. “You went through all of this stuff before mom and you got together. But you guys didn’t stay together.” Ni-ki says quietly. “Mom has Sakura, but what about you? You didn’t get a happy ending. It’s not fair.”

Jake’s heart clenches. He takes a breath, scooting closer to Ni-ki. He wraps an arm around Ni-ki pulling his head onto Jake’s shoulder. He lets Ni-ki cry softly into his shoulder for a few moments before he says, “That’s not true, Ni-ki.” Jake smiles. “I got the happiest ending anyone could ever ask for.”

“Like what?” Ni-ki asks into Jake’s tear-stained shirt.

“My happy ending is you…Because I married your mom, I got to have you." Jake says, tearing up a bit, but his voice is firm. "Having you as my son has made me the happiest man in the world.”

Ni-ki just cries harder into Jake’s shirt. Jake lets him, silently rubbing Ni-ki’s back as he lets out shaky sobs. In between the sobs, Ni-ki says, “I love you, dad.”

“I love you, too.” Jake smiles.

After a few minutes of just sitting on the couch, Ni-ki stops crying and sits up. His eyes look red and puffy, but Jake knows they both probably needed this. It’s important for Ni-ki to process all his emotions and not bottle anything up.

“I have another question though.” Ni-ki asks. Jake nods. “Okay, but I’ll have to answer it as we walk to the park. Your mom is probably already there.”

Ni-ki agrees, heading back to his room to get his backpack. Jake takes a breath and heads toward the front door. After a few minutes, Ni-ki walks toward him. His eyes are still red but they are a little less puffy than before. They head toward the elevator when Ni-ki asks, “So why don’t I know Heeseung?”

Jake startles. “What do you mean?” Jake asks, dumbly.

“I mean. I know Aunt Lily is Rose. And I think Jennie is that journalist that sends us Christmas cards every year.” Ni-ki says. That’s true. Xiaoting does send Christmas cards of her with her wife and their dogs.

“But I’ve never met a Heeseung.” Ni-ki says. “And since uncle Jay and Sunghoon both appeared in your story, I don’t think he is either of them.”

They walk out of the apartment building and Jake sighs. “You haven’t met Heeseung.” Jake winces. “Unfortunately, he and I had falling out around the same time I proposed to your mom.”

Ni-ki frowns at Jake. “What happened?”

“Well, I hadn’t actually told Heeseung I had started dating Yunjin again. And around Christmas, Heeseung flew home for a two-week vacation…”

Jake debates the plan in his head one more time. Last time before he proposed to Yunjin, he practiced his speech with Heeseung. And at first, he told himself that it would be bad luck to do that again since Yunjin rejected him the first time. But then, he told himself that he was being stupid and that it might actually be good luck to conquer the past.

So, he is sitting on his roof, waiting for Heeseung to get here. Heeseung texted Jake that he was just putting his stuff in Jake’s apartment and then he would head up to the roof. Jake regrets not telling Heeseung about Yunjin yet. He isn’t even really sure why he hasn’t. He tells Heeseung everything normally. But for some reason, he had kept quiet about Yunjin’s reappearance.

Still, if anyone will support his stupid decisions, it’s Heeseung. So, while the practice might catch Heeseung off guard at first, Jake knows Heeseung can roll with it.

The door to the roof opens and Heeseung steps out. He looks good. Jake sees him on video chat all the time, so Heeseung’s ash blonde hair isn’t a surprise to him, but still, he is shining in person. Jake decides how to start the Yunjin explanation but he can’t seem to make the words appear in the right order.

“So, uh, well, see, okay…so I did this with you once before…if you remember…” Jake starts. “And well, there are some things I need to tell you, but I am really hoping you aren’t mad…” Jake gulps. Heeseung blinks at him, eyes wide.

“I should probably start from the beginning.” Jake says, pulling out the ring in his pocket. Heeseung gasps, and Jake blushes. Maybe, he has already put it together. That would save Jake a lot of time.

“It’s a different ring…” Jake says. He feels like that is important. Proposing to Yunjin with the other ring would have been weird. Besides he already sold that ring back a long time ago. “I uh…”

Heeseung walks closer to Jake. Jake can see tears in Heeseung’s eyes, but he is smiling widely. Jake takes a nervous breath. He’s glad Heeseung doesn’t seem to be mad.

Heeseung takes one of Jake’s hands—the one that isn’t holding the ring—to steady him. Jake realizes he’s shaking. Why is he shaking? Will he shake during the real thing if he’s shaking during the practice?

“So a couple months ago, I ran into Yunjin…” Jake starts. Heeseung’s smile immediately drops. “And well…we sort of agreed to give it another go…” Heeseung lets go of Jake’s hand and starts shaking his head.

“Wait, you promised you wouldn’t be mad.” Jake says, stupidly.

Heeseung glares at him. He looks pissed. And Jake feels like he is missing something hugely important because he doesn’t think Jake dating Yunjin again is that bad of an idea.

“I-I-were you about to ask to practice propose to me again?” Heeseung asks, voice shaking.

Jake nods sheepishly. Heeseung shuts his eyes and Jake shifts his feet from side to side. He isn’t sure what happened but the roof feels freezing all of a sudden.

“Are you mad I am with Yunjin again?” Jake asks quietly. “Or is it that I didn’t tell you?”

Heeseung shakes his head, opens his eyes, and then he just laughs. Jake doesn’t get the joke. Somehow that makes Heeseung laugh harder.

“Neither.” Heeseung says. “It’s neither.”

“So, you aren’t mad?” Jake asks, confused.

“Oh, I’m pissed.” Heeseung sighs. “At myself…and at you.”

“Well, I’m starting to get a little mad because I have no idea what is going on.” Jake says frustrated. “Can you clue me in here?”

Heeseung shakes his head. “No. I don’t think I can, Jake.” Heeseung frowns. “If you don’t understand why what you did was fucked up, then I really don’t think there is anything for us to talk about.”

Jake blinks back the tears in his eyes. “Why are you being so cryptic? What did I do?” Jake asks.

Heeseung stares at him incredulously. “Seriously?” His lips are tight, like he’s trying to suppress a scream. “Fuck you, Jake.” Heeseung turns and walks back toward the roof door.

“You’re not even going to stay to hash this out?” Jake asks, starting to feel his own temper rise. “Why are you running away right now?”

“You’re unbelievable.” Heeseung says, not even looking back as he slams the door.

Jake stares at where Heeseung left. He hadn’t expected Heeseung to be thrilled, but he defintely hadn’t expected this reaction. He notices the ring is still in one of his hands, so he tucks it back in his pocket.

Heeseung has never looked so mad at him. It’s not like Jake and Heeseung never fought, but usually, they fight over stupid stuff. Their fights blow over quickly. But Heeseung didn’t just look mad tonight. He had looked hurt. And Jake never wants to hurt Heeseung.

Jake shakes his head and makes his way down to his apartment. Heeseung must have cleared out quick because neither him or his stuff are in the apartment when Jake gets there. He didn’t leave a note either. Jake walks over to his couch and sits silently for a few seconds. Then he buries his head in hands and cries.

They are almost at the park when Jake finishes his story. Ni-ki is looking at him in horror. It makes Jake feel weirdly panicked. Similar to how he felt on the roof that night.

“Oh dad, you didn’t.” Ni-ki shakes his head. “That was so mean.”

Jake stares at Ni-ki, confused. “Can you explain to me what I did that was so mean? Because it’s been a whole decade and I still don’t understand it.”

“Poor Heeseung. Why didn’t you try apologizing to him?” Ni-ki asks.

Jake groans. “I did. For months.” Jake sighs. “I texted him multiple times apologizing for whatever I did. And he finally responded me telling me that he forgave me but didn’t want to be friends anymore.”

Ni-ki frowns. “That must have sucked to hear.”

“It did. I even sent handwritten letters about how much I missed him, but he never responded.” Jake frowns. “After two of those, he texted me to tell me that he was going to get a new phone and that I should stop trying to contact him.”

“Did you stop?” Ni-ki asks.

“Of course, I did.” Jake says. “I wanted to respect his wishes, even if I was extremely hurt by him throwing our friendship aside like that.”

Ni-ki looks at him curiously and then seems to steel himself.

“Can people like more than one gender?” Ni-ki asks.

Jake gapes. Then he shakes his head to clear his confusion over Ni-ki’s lack of segway. “Of course, they can.”

“Do you?” Ni-ki asks bluntly.

“Am I into both men and women?” Jake asks, stunned. “Why do you ask that?”

“Well, that was my theory. Or Sunoo’s theory…But I agree with him.” Ni-ki says. “We think that you were in love with Heeseung.”

Jake blinks, incapable of saying anything.

“I mean it’s obvious Heeseung loved you. Clearly.” Ni-ki says. “And you made him think that you were proposing to him, which wasn’t very nice of you.” Ni-ki frowns.

Jake blinks quicker. “What?” He asks hoarsely. “I-what?”

“Before you mentioned mom, Heeseung probably thought you were proposing to him.” Ni-ki says, sadly. “You shouldn’t have pulled the ring out before explaining about mom.”

Jake feels like he is about to have a panic attack, so he sits on the park bench. Yunjin isn’t here yet at least. Jake tries to suck in deep breaths. Too many thoughts are flying through his head to grab onto any singular one. If Ni-ki’s theory is right, then… But how could Jake have missed the fact his best friend was in love with him?

Ni-ki sits down next to him. “Did you really not know dad?”

Jake shakes his head. “I-no. But oh god, if you’re right…oh god…I-and the ring…” Jake says clutching at his heart. He can still remember how gentle Heeseung had been with him before he mentioned Yunjin’s name. How happy Heeseung had looked. Oh god. Jake’s breathing intensifies.

“I see mom, but you don’t look so good dad…” Ni-ki says touching Jake’s thigh. “Are you having a panic attack right now?”

Jake nods weakly. His heart is beating way too fast and his breathing is out of control It’s not the first time that Ni-ki has seen him have a panic attack. But, Jake really tries to avoid having them around Ni-ki if he can help it. He can hear Yunjin’s shoes running toward them.

“Is he okay, Ni-ki?” Yunjin asks, concerned. “Are you okay?” She touches Ni-ki’s chin, inspecting his face for injuries. “What happened?”

“I’m fine mom.” Ni-ki nods. “I don’t know about dad though.”

Ni-ki looks at Jake, who is still hyperventilating. “I think he’s having a panic attack.”

Yunjin frowns, turning her attention to Jake. “Jake are you okay? Can you hear me?” Yunjin asks, but she sounds far away.

Jake shakes his head, trying to clear it. He needs to get ahold of himself. He just needs to say goodbye to his son and then he can go crumble in his apartment and fully panic.

Jake counts to ten, grounding himself. He can feel the hard surface of the park bench. He can hear the wind rustling the flags across the sidewalk. He can see his fingers resting on his pants. He takes another breath and it’s easier.

Once he is able to get his breathing back to a mostly even pace, he looks up at Yunjin. She is still staring at him concerned.

“I’m so sorry about that.” Jake says. “I didn’t mean to scare you and Ni-ki.” Jake turns to Ni-ki, who fidgets beside him.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Ni-ki.” Jake says. “Okay? I’m okay.” Jake says pointing to himself. “I’m sorry I scared you.” Jake says honestly. Ni-ki nods. “You really didn’t do anything wrong, okay?” Jake confirms. “I am glad you told me what you were thinking.”

Ni-ki just nods. Jake gives him a shoulder squeeze and then a kiss on the top of his head. Ni-ki leans into Jake’s embrace. “I love you.” Jake says. “I’ll see you Monday, okay?” Jake asks, gently.

Ni-ki nods again, reluctant to let go of the hug.

“Do you need us to stay?” Yunjin asks Jake, still biting her lip nervously.

“No, I’m good—I promise.” Jake tries to smile. “I’m sorry again.”

“Don’t apologize.” Yunjin shakes her head. “You’re human.”

Jake laughs. “I guess so.” Ni-ki gets up from the park bench. He gives Jake another glance over, seemingly studying to see if Jake is really okay. Jake gives him a sheepish smile and a little waive. Ni-ki nods to himself.

“See you Monday, dad.” Ni-ki waives.

“See you then.” Jake says.

After they leave, Jake walks home on autopilot. Then he climbs in his bed and cries for the next several hours.

Chapter Text

On Monday, Jake drags himself to office—he still feels like shit. He’s already had three coffees and it isn’t even 10 AM. He knows his eyes look swollen and he’s very thankful he doesn’t have to meet with any clients today.

“Hey Jake I got a call from-Holy shit!” Sunghoon stops mid-sentence. “You look awful.”

Jake groans, face planting against his desk. He hears Sunghoon sit down on the chair in front of his desk. “Did something happen with the divorce?” Sunghoon asks gently.

Jake shakes his head, resisting the urge to bang it against the table after. He lifts his head to look at Sunghoon. He looks concerned. Jake winces. He wants to stop worrying people.

“Do you think I could be bisexual?” Jake asks.

Sunghoon gapes. Then shakes his head, seemingly to clear it. “I-uh-well…I defintely thought you were into men when I first met you.”

“You did?” Jake asks. “Seriously?”

Sunghoon blushes a little. “I was actually trying to flirt with you when we first became friends.” Sunghoon smiles. “Once I found out you were with Yunjin, I obviously stopped.”

Jake tries to process that. He isn’t sure if it is because of what Ni-ki said about Heeseung or if Jake has truly lost his mind, but Jake blurts out, “you’re not secretly in love with me, right?”

Sunghoon laughs loudly, shaking his head. “Defintely not. The idea of dating you makes my skin crawl.” Sunghoon smiles. “You’re my best friend, but the initial spark of romantic attraction defintely dissipated over the last decade.”

Jake should be offended, but honestly, he just feels relief. He doesn’t trust his own instincts anymore. Sunghoon looks curiously at him. “Are you having a sexuality crisis?” Sunghoon asks.

“Apparently.” Jake nods. “How did it take me until my mid thirties to realize I might not be straight?” Jake groans.

“Internalized homophobia?” Sunghoon suggest. “Willful ignorance?”

“But I am an ally. Why would I be homophobic to myself?” Jake whines. “Shouldn’t I have put the pieces together quicker?”

Sunghoon smiles. “I don’t think it works like that.” He sighs. “I’m not saying you are secretly homophobic.” Sunghoon pauses, lifting his hand in the air. He tends to talk with his hands a lot, especially when trying to make a point. “Some people tend to dismiss gay thoughts as natural because society has conditioned them to do that.”

Sunghoon motions with his hands around the room. “Like it can be hard to distinguish admiration and respect for a male friend from sexual attraction because society conditions us to assume our feelings are just platonic appreciation.”

Jake thinks about that. There have been moments in his life where he has appreciated the men in his life. He appreciates male physiques all the time. But, doesn’t everyone do that? Maybe, Sunghoon is onto something.

“But other people figure it out much quicker.” Jake says. “I still don’t understand how it took me this long.”

“Well, you were married for ten years. So, you weren’t thinking about other people in a romantic or sexual way.” Sunghoon points out. “You ended up marrying a woman and having a kid, so you probably…” Sunghoon trails off.

“Just convinced myself I was straight.” Jake finishes the thought for him. Sunghoon nods.

“I think you’re being too hard on yourself.” Sunghoon says. “So maybe you also like men?” He shrugs. “You have time to explore that attraction now.”

Jake groans again. His chest starts hurting. “If I like men, then I fucked up really bad, Hoon.”

Sunghoon stares at him blankly.

“If I like men, then…I…he…” Jake’s breathing intensifies. And Sunghoon intervenes.

“Jake, calm down.” Hoon says firmly. “You’re okay. You’re in your office.” Sunghoon says. “Touch your desk if you have to.”

Jake does. He feels the cold surface of the glass. It’s grounding. He gives Sunghoon a weak smile. “Thank you.”

“All good.” Sunghoon waives his hand dismissively. “Okay so I am getting that you looking like shit is more than just a sexuality crisis.”

Jake nods.

“I know you finished your love story mystery for Ni-ki on Friday.” Sunghoon thinks out loud. “So…ah.” Sunghoon nods. “If I say his name, will that make you panic?”

Jake shrugs. He has no idea. He thought he was fine today. But clearly, he isn’t.

“Ah, does this have to do somewhat with your old friend Heeseung?” Hoon asks tentatively. Jake nods miserably, resting his head back on the desk. “That makes sense.” Sunghoon says. “He did kind of disappear right around the time you proposed to Yunjin.”

This time, Jake fails to resist the urge to bang his head on his desk. It rattles his office supplies and computer.

“Whoa. Be careful.” Sunghoon says. “Maybe don’t bang your head against glass?”

“I’m so stupid.” Jake groans. “How am I so stupid?”

Sunghoon cringes. “You’re not stupid.”

“My son, who is eleven, and his two friends managed to figure out that I had been a dick to my friend, who was in love with me, because I couldn’t figure out I was into men.” Jake says, staring at Hoon. “Eleven and he has more emotional intelligence than me.”

Sunghoon bites his lip. “It’s harder to see it when you’re the person in it. Cut yourself some slack.”

“I don’t deserve slack.” Jake pouts. “I’m a terrible person.”

Sunghoon gets up from the chair and walks around to Jake’s desk. He pulls Jake up into a hug. “You’re not a terrible person, Jake.”

Jake slumps into the embrace. He sighs, feeling a couple tears in his eyes. “I’m not?”

Sunghoon shakes his head. “You’re a great father, a wonderful friend, and a really compassionate person.” Sunghoon smiles stepping away but still squeezing Jake's shoulder for extra reassurance.

“Thanks, Hoon.” Jake nods. “For everything.”

Sunghoon smiles. Then shakes his head and says, “I need to go glare at an intern or something. This conversation was too emo for me.”

Jake laughs as Sunghoon walks out of his office.

Jake had asked Yunjin to have Ni-ki stay with her on Monday night and apparently, it went over like a lead balloon. Still, it had been necessary. Now, it’s Tuesday, and Jake is sitting at his counter eating steak.

His talk with Sunghoon helped him a bit, but maybe he’s a glutton for punishment because he wants to know how many people in his life put the pieces together before he did.

He starts with Jay.

“You are the friend I have had the longest.” Jake says with no preamble, moving toward the couch in his living room.

“Hi to you too.” Jay says, sounding confused.

“Do you think I could be bisexual?” Jake asks, sinking into the couch cushions.

“I think everyone is a little bisexual.” Jay says simply. Jake rolls his eyes even though Jay can’t see him. “But to answer your question, defintely. I was honestly a bit surprised Yunjin’s coming out didn’t stir anything for you.”

Jake glares at his phone. “And you’ve never thought to mention your hunch to me?” Jake asks. “Not even a ‘hey, I think you’re staring at that guy’s ass.’”

“Why would I be watching you stare at guys’ asses?” Jay asks.

Jake slaps his forehead with is palm. “It’s a hypothetical!” Jake groans. “I just mean. There was never a moment where you were like hmm maybe I should bring this up with him.”

“Honestly, no?” Jay says. “I mean after you married Yunjin I defintely didn’t see the point. And before that, your love life was a bit of a mess.”

“No kidding.” Jake sighs. “But you seriously couldn’t have snuck it in during any of conversations when I was in college.”

“Well, I almost did one time.” Jay says, truthfully. “I guess you had fallen asleep and your old friend picked up your phone.” Jay pauses. “What was his name again?”

“Heeseung.” Jake says quietly. Jake bites on his pinkie finger nail and mentally prepares himself for whatever Heeseung story Jay might have.

“Oh right! I asked Heeseung if you were there, and he said you had fallen asleep with your head in his lap.” Jay says. “I asked him if anything was going on between you two.” Jay continues. “He told me no and that you were straight.”

Jake sighs, petting his couch cushion in an effort to remain grounded. He doesn’t say anything, so Jay keeps going.

“I said I wasn’t so sure about that and I was thinking of bringing it up with you.” Jay pauses. “Heeseung admitted he had thought about it as well, but ultimately decided it would probably be better if you figured it out for yourself.” Jay explains. “I agreed with him, so I didn’t bring the issue up to you.”

“Yeah…” Jake trails off. “Clearly, you guys had too much faith in my processing skills.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Jay chides.

“A bit too late for that honestly.” Jake shakes his head. “But thanks, Jay.”

Jake sits in his bed, re-reading his texts with Lily. His responses seem so dumb now. Lily is always making jokes about Jake to get a rise out of him. He had convinced himself the jokes about him being not straight were just another way for her to tease him. He’s really an idiot.

And he has no idea how to even start this conversation with her. But he knows that she will probably be able to walk him through his feelings better than anyone.

Jake: So…you know how you always make jokes I might not be straight…

Jake: Those aren’t jokes, are they?

Lily: You’ve thought I’ve been joking about your sexuality?!?!?

Lily: Dude, that would kind of make me a dick

Jake: I don’t think you’re a dick. I didn’t mind the jokes.

Jake: I’m just feeling really stupid and need clarification.

Lily: Okay. Do you want to call me?

Jake: Nah. Texting is fine.

Lily: Got it. Well, no, I wasn’t joking. I do think you might not be as straight as you think.

Jake: I no longer think I am straight.

Lily: ???????

Jake: My eleven-year-old son pointed out that I am probably bisexual.

Lily: Ah…

: Lily: And how do you feel about that?

Jake: You sound like my therapist.

Jake: But honestly, I am not handling it well…

Lily: How so?

Jake: Well, I think I made some big mistakes.

Lily: there’s no right time to figure things out. I don’t think you can call it a mistake.

Jake: There is if you inadvertently led your best friend on for years…

Lily: ah that…

Jake: Yeah…Suddenly it makes sense why he stopped being my friend.

Lily: I don’t think he did it because he was angry with you.

Jake: I strongly disagree. Besides, why else would he stop being my friend?

Lily: Maybe it got too hard for him? Maybe he realized you weren’t going to figure things out any time soon and watching you be with other people got too hard for him.

Jake: That sounds less like a hunch and more like you know things I don’t.

Lily: …

Lily: You were so pitiful after Heeseung stopped being your friend. It made my heart hurt.

Lily: So, I might have reached out to him to scold him…

Jake: You did???????

Lily: I did. I don’t want to betray my conversation with him. But, I will reassure you that it wasn’t just cause he was angry with you about the proposal thing.

Jake: But he did think I was proposing to him, didn’t he?

Lily: I will admit that when he recapped what happened, I wanted to punch you a little. But I couldn’t really bring it up with you without revealing that I had talked to him.

Lily: But no. It wasn’t just that. I think he needed a clean break.

Lily: And I think he was right. Which is why I didn’t tell you about our convo.

Jake: I’m not mad at you.

Jake: Still pretty mad at myself though…

Lily: You should let yourself off the hook.

Jake: I’m not sure I can just yet.

Lily: You can’t change the past.

Lily: But I understand how this has probably been an emotional week for you.

Jake: No kidding.

Jake: But thank you, Lily.

On Wednesday, Jake walks to work, feeling much better than the day before. His eyes look less puffy today, too. A slow ballad starts playing through his earphones, and he is about to skip to the next song when his phone rings—Yunjin.

“Hi, just checking whether you are okay to pick up Ni-ki today?” Yunjin asks. “It’s okay if you aren’t.” She says quickly.

Jake smiles. He’s happy Yunjin and him have this. He’s really lucky that they were able to separate without things becoming messy.

“I am good. I am really happy I get to see him today.” Jake says honestly. “I missed him Monday.” Jake pauses streetlight. He’s almost to the office, but he thinks he should probably walk to the park for a few minutes instead.

“You sound much better.” Yunjin says, honestly. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Jake crosses the street, heading toward the park. “I’m sure you got bits and pieces from Ni-ki.” Jake sighs. “I feel so awful I had a panic attack in front of him.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Yunjin dismisses him. “He was just worried about you.” She pauses. “He did mention that he told you that you were bisexual.”

Jake groans. “Yeah. He did.”

Yunjin laughs. “So it was a gay panic then?”

Jake laughs, moving in the direction of his favorite park bench. “Something like that…I just realized some things that made me feel a bit shitty about some choices I made.”

Yunjin hums. “Ah, I can probably guess.” She pauses. “This have something to do with the fact you were a miserable wreck when we were engaged because your best friend cut you off?”

Jake sighs as he sits down on the cold bench. “Right on the nose.”

Yunjin hums again. “You know before I understood that he was really cutting you out. I had made up rules for you for whenever the two of you patched things up.”

Jake is surprised by that. “You did? What kind of rules?”

He can hear the smile in Yunjin’s voice when she says, “No more sleepovers in the same bed.”

Jake winces. “Fair enough.”

Yunjin continues. “No more getting drunk alone together.”

Jake frowns. He stares at the park for a few second while contemplating how to respond. “I’m not sure that one is fair.” Jake says, honestly. “I haven’t been ever been disloyal, even when drunk.” His answer sounds harsher than he means. He forgave Yunjin for that a long time ago.

“I know. A lot of my rules weren’t going to be fair. I don’t think you would have agreed to them honestly…” Yunjin trails off. “I was actually extremely insecure about your friendship.”

Jake isn’t sure what to say. Heeseung and Yunjin never really got along, but they were pretty different in personality, so it made sense to him that they didn’t get closer. “I didn’t know that.”

Yunjin sighs. “Well, he cut you out pretty early on after we started things back up again.”

Jake squirms, kicking his feet against the pavement below him. “Yeah.”

“Jake, you shouldn’t beat yourself about not being ready to come out when you were 24.” She says gently. “He knew the risk of liking someone who was severely in the closet.”

Jake frowns. “What makes you say that?”

“Sakura says that to me all the time.” Yunjin says. “She said that before I realized I was gay, she had no expectations of me.” Jake keeps quiet, so Yunjin keeps going. “Even though she had a hunch I wasn’t straight, she said it was too risky to like someone so far in the closet that they don’t even know themselves.”

“Yeah, but I think I probably led him on more than you led Sakura on…” Jake admits, embarrassed.

Yunjin hums. “Maybe. But still. It’s not your fault you weren’t ready.” Her tone is protective, so she softens it slightly before continuing. “I’m sure he doesn’t think it was your fault either. I just assumed he didn’t want to watch you get married and settled down.”

“Yeah.” Jake thinks about explaining the proposal thing, but he thinks better of it. He doesn’t think Yunjin wants to hear that Jake practice proposed to Heeseung.

“It’s going to all be okay, you know.” Yunjin says. “You have plenty of time to figure everything out.”

Jake smiles. “Those words sound familiar.”

“You were right then. And I’m right now.” Yunjin laughs.

“Thanks, Yunjin.” Jake says, honestly.

“Anytime.”

Chapter Text

After spending the first couple of hours trying to assure himself that Jake is actually okay, Ni-ki settles a bit.

“So have you ever thought about reaching out to Heeseung?” Ni-ki asks, innocently.

Jake shakes his head. “I think he made it very clear he has no interest in talking to me.”

“But that was before you realized you loved him.” Ni-ki says. “He might feel differently now.”

“Even so. I am not sure how I would even get a hold of him.” Jake says leaning his head back on the couch. “He changed his number.” Jake sighs. “I don’t even know what county he is living in.”

Ni-ki frowns. “You’re not at all curious?”

Jake smiles. “Of course, I am. I just don’t think there is a way to find him.”

“Aren’t you the one who tells me not to quit just because I have to put in a little effort?” Ni-ki smirks.

“I think finding Heeseung is a little different than you finishing your math homework.” Jake says pointedly. Jake looks around the living room. “I really don’t even know where I would start.”

Ni-ki folds his arms over his chest and pouts. Jake takes pity on him. “Do you want to play some video games tonight?”

Ni-ki looks at Jake through the corner of his eye. “On a week night?”

“It’s okay for tonight.” Jake nods. “I’ll play with you.” Ni-ki smiles brightly and jumps up toward the shelf holding all of their games.

Jake usually doesn’t let Ni-ki game too much on week nights because Ni-ki will stay up until 4 AM a lot when he gets invested. But tonight, he’ll allow it.

When Jake gets to the office on Thursday, he does something stupid—he texts Beomgyu.

Jake: Hey, so I hope this is still your number…

Beomgyu: Who tf is?

Jake: Jake?

Beomgyu: are you fucking with me?

Jake: No?

Beomgyu: Okay, well if you are Jake, then I do have a message for you.

Jake: Really?

Beomgyu: Yep.

Beomgyu: Fuck off, you incredible piece of shit.

Jake: I deserve that.

Beomgyu: You don’t even know why I can’t stand you.

Jake: Does it have something to do with me making Heeseung think I was proposing to him?

Jake: Or me not realizing he was in love with me?

Jake: Or me not realizing I was bi

Beomgyu:…not the last one.

Beomgyu: How long did it take you to figure out the first two?

Jake: You will hate me more. But until last week.

Jake: I didn’t even figure it out. My son did.

Beomgyu: So, you have a son.

Beomgyu: Why am I even entertaining this conversation right now?

Beomgyu: That was rhetorical.

Beomgyu: But I am glad you realized what a dick you are. Maybe I should take down one of the dart boards with your face on it.

Jake: You have more than one?

Beomgyu: I have five.

Beomgyu: One was supposed to be for Heeseung.

Beomgyu: But he doesn’t hate you.

Beomgyu: I would love to lie and say he does. But I have a feeling me saying so won’t stop you from whatever you are planning on doing here.

Jake: I think it’s fair for you to hate me if it means anything.

Beomgyu: You’re annoyingly nice. I hate that about you.

Jake: I’m sorry?

Beomgyu: Can you just ask me whatever it is that you want to ask me?

Beomgyu: This conversation hurts my brain.

Jake: I know you aren’t going to give me Heeseung’s number or address. I don’t think I should even ask because I’m afraid you will block me…

Jake: But can you just answer one question for me about him?

Beomgyu: Maybe.

Jake: Did Heeseung move back here?

Beomgyu:…

Beomgyu: …yes.

“Ah, I’m sorry. Mr. Lee works remotely on Thursdays and Fridays.” The lady at the front desk says frowning. “But, I can give you his card. He usually keeps some in his office.” As she gets up to stand, the phone starts ringing.

“Actually, if you just leave your ID here with me, so I can make a copy. I will let you go back. His office is on the first floor in the back left corner. He keeps his cards on the corner of his desk.” The secretary says staring at the blinking call waiting.

Jake leaves his ID and wanders back toward Heeseung’s office. The décor of the office is extremely non-traditional. Then again, it’s a gaming company, so perhaps creative layouts are more common in Heeseung’s industry than Jake’s.

The whole first floor is mostly just one big living room with a bunch of couches and loveseats. There is a big whiteboard in the middle of the room that has a game of hangman in the corner. Ni-ki would love this place.

Jake finally reaches Heeseung’s office and he is immediately hit with a pang of longing. The office smells Heeseung’s signature cotton candy scent. He has a wide collection of toys and games on the shelves behind his desk. There are video games, completed Lego figurines, a buzz light-year toy, and a lava lamp. There is also a bean bag in the corner of the office with a poster above it from Slam Dunk.

Overall, the entire office screams Heeseung. Jake is about to grab a card from the corner of the desk when he catches a small plushie next to one of the Lego projects. It’s a small dog plushie that Jake recognizes.

“Jake, why did I get a random dog plushie in the mail today?” Heeseung asks over the phone as Jake making himself a snack.

“You are always telling me that I remind you of a puppy.” Jake pauses. “And last week you seemed to be having a tough bout of homesickness…” Jake blushes. “So, I sent you a puppy plushie.”

“I-a puppy plushie?”

“If you squeeze it’s center, it has a voicebox.” Jake says excitedly.

Jake can hear Heeseung squeezing the toy in the background. He also faintly hears his own voice recording telling Heeseung that he misses him too.

“Jake…” Heeseung says, sounding a bit choked up. “This is really sweet. Thank you.”

Jake smiles even though Heeseung can’t see him. “No problem. I just want to make sure you have me to comfort you even if time zones prevent you from calling me.”

Jake physically fights the urge to go over to the plushie and squeeze it to see if the voice recording still works. But something about Heeseung having it in his office reassures Jake that he has made the right decision to try to find Heeseung. It’s grounding. Jake takes a deep breath and then grabs the business card.

Jake gets back to his office and immediately texts Sunghoon to meet him. Sunghoon shows up ten minutes later.

“You okay?” Hoon asks.

“I’m great. I just need a favor.” Jake says. “Come in.” Jake motions for Sunghoon to shut his door.

“Oh boy. What now?” Sunghoon says, groaning. But he does shut the door and sits down on the chair across from Jake.

“So, I may have done something a bit reckless…” Jake trails off. “And I need you to call someone and pretend to be a flower delivery service so I can get their address.”

Sunghoon just blinks at him. Then he looks around the office for a few seconds before turning back to Jake. Sunghoon rolls his eyes and nods. “Why do I need to call?”

Jake hands Sunghoon Heeseung’s business card. Hoon raises his eyebrow when he sees Heeseung’s name, but he doesn’t say anything further. He just pulls out his phone and starts dialing the number.

“He works remotely on Thursdays and Fridays according to his secretary.” Jake whispers. Sunghoon stares at him, looking like he is about to say something, but then he just shakes his head.

“Uh hi. Is this Heeseung?” Sunghoon asks. Jake resists the temptation to ask Sunghoon to put his phone on speaker.

“I work with Charming Floral Arrangements.” Sunghoon says. Jake slaps his forehead. What kind of flower shop name is that. “I have a request to send you flowers, but you weren’t at the address provided to me.”

Jake watches as Hoon nods at whatever Heeseung is saying. “Ah, yes, your secretary mentioned you work remotely today and tomorrow.” Jake mouths “see” to Sunghoon who waives his hand dismissively.

“You want to know who they are from? Um. Well, I am not sure I am supposed to reveal that information.” Sunghoon stalls, looking at Jake for help. Jake starts thinking about who the flowers could be from that wouldn’t already have his address.

“Yes, I understand you are not obligated to give me your information either…” Sunghoon bites his lip. He takes one quick glance at Jake and then blurts, “they are from Jake.”

Jake gapes. Then, he mouths “what the fuck,” but Sunghoon ignores him.

“Do you know more than one Jake?” Sunghoon asks. “No, I’m not kidding. They are really from Jake.”

“What do you mean prove it? I don’t have your address to deliver them.” Sunghoon rolls his eyes. He looks at Jake and then back at his phone. He presses the speaker button.

“I actually have the customer in the store with me right now.” Sunghoon shrugs. “Jake, say hi.”

“You’re actually the most unprofessional delivery person I have ever met.” Jake says through his teeth.

“You get what you pay for.” Sunghoon shrugs.

The phone remains silent for another few seconds and then he hears. “Okay, I’ll give you my address.”

Sunghoon takes the phone of speaker and then begins to write down the address on a piece of paper. Jake bites his lip, waiting for him to hang up the phone.

“What is wrong with you?” Jake asks once Sunghoon hangs up.

“Seriously? You just made me an accomplice to stalking and you’re blaming me for telling Heeseung who was stalking him.” Sunghoon asks.

“It’s not stalking!” Jake says. “The information I got was publicly available and he volunteered his address.”

“Yeah, after I told him it was for you.” Sunghoon points out.

“Charming floral arrangements?” Jake asks. “Really? You couldn’t come up with anything better.”

“I was under pressure.” Sunghoon says, defensively. “And it’s not like I was given much information about my character.” Sunghoon says. “Who was he? What’s his story? What was his motivation in the scene? I can’t create a backstory without at least some info.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Jake says. But he’s not actually upset. He got Heeseung’s address and that was really the main point of the call.

“So are you going to stop by his place today?” Sunghoon asks.

“No, I need time to prepare. I’ll probably go next Tuesday because I have Ni-ki this weekend.” Jake says.

“We can strategize Monday.” Sunghoon says getting up. “I need to go back to my actual job though. You should maybe try doing some work today.” Sunghoon points at the massive stack of papers on Jake’s desk.

Jake winces. “Thanks, Sunghoon. For everything.”

“No problem.” Sunghoon says walking out the door.

Chapter Text

“Okay so which movie should we watch tonight?” Jake says looking at the choices on the tv. “I know we agreed Marvel, but there is still a lot to choose from here.” Jake scans them again.

Ni-ki takes the remote from Jake and starts inspecting the choices. Jake really hopes that Ni-ki doesn’t want to watch Spiderman for the five hundredth time. As Jake is about to make a pitch for Thor, his phone rings. He sees Hoon’s name and frowns. “Everything okay?” Jake asks, forgetting his phone is on speaker.

“Yeah, I just think I may have left one of my files in your office yesterday when you made me stalk Heeseung for you.” Sunghoon says. “I was going to ask if you saw it today.” Ni-ki whips his head immediately, staring at Jake's phone. Jake shrugs.

“Ah, it might be there. There were a lot of folders on my desk today.” Jake laughs. “Do you need it for the weekend?”

“Nah. It’s fine. I can grab it Monday. Sorry to bug you!” Hoon says. “Say hi to Ni-ki for me.”

Ni-ki glares at Jake, but he says, "Hi Uncle Hoon.” Jake frowns, confused.

“Oh, I didn’t realize I was on speaker.” Hoon laughs. “You take care of your old man this weekend.” Hoon jokes.

Ni-ki is still glaring at Jake, but he responds, “I will” chee,rfully to Sunghoon.

“Bye, Hoon.” Jake says and the call disconnects. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Jake says to Ni-ki.

“You weren’t going to tell me that you tried to find Heeseung?” Ni-ki frowns.

Jake cringes, recalling what Sunghoon said. “I didn’t want to get your hopes up. I still don’t know if everything will work out.”

“But you know where he is!” Ni-ki says, excitedly. “We can go find him.”

Jake motions to slow down. “Ni-ki, I don’t have an idea of what I should say to him. I need to plan. I can’t just go find him.”

“You’re a chicken?” Ni-ki raises his eyebrow. “I thought you weren’t afraid of anything.”

“Did you really think that?” Jake narrows his eyes.

“No. You’re a scaredy cat.” Ni-ki shrugs. “But, still. I think you should show up on Heeseung’s doorstep.”

“And say what?” Jake asks.

Ni-ki smiles. “Sunoo says that you need to give one of those cheesy rom com speeches. Like the one in Love Actually.”

“You’ve watched Love Actually?” Jake asks. “Is your mom okay with that?” Jake can't remember much about the movie, but he isn't sure whether it is age appropriate. Then again, neither are some of the Marvel movies, he supposes.

“It’s Sunoo’s favorite movie.” Ni-ki shrugs. “Anyway, it was boring.”

“Okay, well, I don’t have a speech like that prepared.” Jake frowns. “And I don’t think I could come up with it on the spot.”

Ni-ki shakes his head. “No you can’t plan it. You need to do it sparontonalisly.”

“You mean spontaneously?” Jake asks. “But also you used it correctly, so I’ll give you points for that.”

“So, we are going to Heeseung’s?” Ni-ki smiles.

“Tonight?” Jake asks. “But we were going to watch a movie.”

Ni-ki rolls his eyes. “We can do that any day. Tonight we should go find Heeseung and you can give your speech.”

Jake can’t believe he’s actually considering the idea. He shakes his head and reaches for his phone. He needs to consult Lily.

Jake: Do you think it would be a good idea or bad idea for me to just randomly appear on Heeseung’s doorstep tonight and give a very unplanned speech?

Lily: I think it was more embarrassing of you to pretend that your best friend was a flower delivery man.

Jake: I don’t know how you know that.

Jake: I also don’t think I want to know.

Jake: So you think I should do it?

Lily: I think you both need the closure.

Jake: What if I don’t want closure…

Lily: It isn’t up to me. Or you for that matter. But regardless of whether you get the ending you want. I think you need to do this so you can stop beating yourself up.

Jake: I think you’re right.

"Okay.” Jake sighs. “Get your coat. We are going to do something really stupid.” Jake says to Ni-ki. Ni-ki smiles brightly and runs toward his room. Jake thinks this idea can only end poorly, but he is resigned. Ni-ki and Lily are right. He needs to do this.

It’s a lot colder than Jake realized. Ni-ki is jumping up and down beside him in an obvious attempt to keep warm. Jake had told him to wear a hat, but Ni-ki refused. And sometimes Ni-ki learns lessons the best when Jake lets him follow his stubbornness. When Ni-ki was 8, Jake had repeatedly told him to stop messing around on the swings, but he refused to listen. Sure enough, ten minutes later, when Jake had turned away for a second, Ni-ki did it again. Except that time he had fallen off the swing, fracturing his arm. Sometimes, kids just have to learn things on their own.

Jake shakes his head and stares at the apartment building in front of them. Apparently, it takes a 15-minute train ride and a ten-minute walk to get to Heeseung’s from Jake’s apartment. Jake tries not to think too much about it, but he can't help it. Jake likes that they live decently close.

“Shouldn’t you press the call button?” Ni-ki asks pointing at the door with the call box.

Jake nods. But, he doesn’t move. “I probably should have bought flowers…” Jake trails off. “Should we go buy flowers?” Ni-ki stares at him blankly. “Well, Sunghoon got his address because he said I was trying to deliver flowers.” Jake explains. “But I don’t have flowers.”

Ni-ki frowns. “I feel like most flower shops are closed.”

Jake nods. “I guess I’ll just have to admit I lied about the flowers.” Jake says.

“He probably already knows that.” Ni-ki says. Jake nods again. Still, his feet remained glued to the sidewalk. “Dad, I think you need to go to the callbox.” Ni-ki says nudging Jake toward the front of the apartment building.

Jake, in a moment of weakness, asks, “Can you walk up there with me?” Ni-ki smirks, but he nods as he pushes Jake again. Jake gets to the callbox and finds Heeseung’s name. He takes a deep breath and then presses call. The dial rings loudly on the callbox speaker for a minute. Then a voice picks up.

“Hello?” Heeseung asks, sounding confused.

“H-hi.” Jake stutters. “It’s-uh Jake.” Jake’s hands are shaking. His heart feels like it is beating ten times faster than usual.

“And me!” Ni-ki chimes in.

“Who’s that?” Heeseung asks through the speaker.

“Jake from college?” Jake’s heart plummets. Maybe, Heeseung has completely forgotten him.

Heeseung snorts through the callbox. “No, not you. Who spoke after you?” Heeseung asks.

“Me.” Ni-ki points to himself, proudly. “I’m Ni-ki.”

“That’s my son.” Jake admits. “He-uh didn’t want to stay at home.”

There is a pause. “You brought your kid?” Heeseung asks. “Kind of an unfair advantage, don’t you think?”

“You don’t have to let us up.” Jake rushes in. “I know this is very out of the blue for you.”

“What are you doing here, Jake?” Heeseung sounds tired. Jake doesn’t blame him. He would be tired of Jake too.

“If you let us up, I can explain. I mean I don’t have a speech prepared.” Jake says quickly. “But I just need to tell you a couple of things I realized.” Jake says. “And apologize.” Jake slaps his forehead. “Shit, I should have led with the apology.” Jake mutters. “I’m sorry.” Jake looks at Ni-ki helplessly.

There’s no response from the intercom. But it seems like Heeseung hasn’t hung up yet. “I uh. I need to apologize to you for a lot of things.” Jake says. “But I can understand if I am too late.”

Still, no response. Jake looks at Ni-ki, who is biting his lip. It’s a bad habit he picked up from Jake. Jake stares back at the callbox. “Okay, Ni-ki. I think I am going to count for two minutes, but if he doesn’t come out, then we should go.” Jake says.

“You’re just going to leave?” Ni-ki whines.

“He isn’t required to talk to us.” Jake says patiently. “And staying here all night wouldn’t be right either. It’s not giving him a choice.”

Ni-ki frowns. “Is this the mint chocolate chip thing again?”

Jake smiles. “Exactly. He needs to consent to the conversation. If he doesn’t want to have it, then we can’t force him.”

Ni-ki nods. “So, two minutes?”

Jake smiles. “Two minutes.”

After the first thirty seconds, Ni-ki says, “if he agrees to talk to us, then I think you should tell him the story.”

Jake scratches the back of his neck. “Really?”

“Yeah, I don’t think you are going to be good at the Love Actually kind of speech.” Ni-ki shakes his head. “But, he will understand if you tell him the story.”

Jake nods. “Okay. I’ll tell him.”

“You need to tell him just like you told me.” Ni-ki says. “The same way.”

Jake keeps counting, but agrees. “I will.” Jake lets out a breath. “We’ve hit one minute.” Still, there isn’t any answer from the callbox.

“Maybe he’s coming downstairs?” Ni-ki asks hopefully.

“Maybe.” Jake sighs.

“He could live in a high floor. Or maybe the elevators don’t work.” Ni-ki suggests. “Or maybe he got caught up by a neighbor asking about his day.”

Jake smiles sadly. “We have 30 seconds left. Should we count it together?”

Ni-ki grabs Jake’s hand and they start together, “1…2…3…” when they pass fifteen, their counting speed becomes glacial. Jake can see Ni-ki’s frown deepening and he really regrets putting Ni-ki through this. Then again, maybe it’s another good lesson to learn. “22…23…24…” Ni-ki looks up at Jake with watery eyes. Jake takes a breath as they say 29. “29 and a quarter…” Jake continues.

“29 and one half…” Ni-ki says.

“29 and three quarters…” Jake says, resigned.

“What fraction comes next?” Ni-ki asks panicked.

Jake shakes his head. “30.” He sighs and turns away from the callbox, still holding Ni-ki’s hand. “Let’s go okay?”

“But this didn’t go the way it was supposed to.” Ni-ki whines as Jake drags them down the stairs. “He was supposed to let us in and you guys were supposed to talk.” Ni-ki’s chokes up. “You were supposed to confess.”

Jake nods. “That would have been nice. But it’s okay.” Jake says as they turn back to walk the way they came.

“I really thought that he would come running down the stairs and ask about the story.” Ni-ki says. “I thought he was just waiting for the last second and then we would hear him yell-"

“What story?” A voice calls from behind them.

Jake whips around. Heeseung is standing there, arms by his side, looking out of breath. His hair is brown and curly with some light highlights. He looks even more amazing than Jake remembers. Jake is speechless.

“What story?” Heeseung asks, folding his arms over his chest.

Jake feels Ni-ki pushing him toward Heeseung. But Jake’s mouth is painfully dry. He isn’t sure he can manage a sound, let alone a sentence. Heeseung just stares at him.

“The story that made me realize I hurt my best friend in unimaginable ways.” Jake says softly. “The story that made me realize I hurt the love of my life.”

Heeseung sucks in a breath, blinking at Jake helplessly. And then he looks at Ni-ki. He nods to himself and walks closer. For a second, Jake thinks Heeseung might deck him, but instead Heeseung just wraps Jake in a hug. Jake leans in, resting his head on Heeseung’s shoulder. “I think I’d like to hear that story.” Heeseung whispers in Jake’s ear. And Jake nods, still holding Heeseung close. His scent is just as sweet as Jake remembered. It’s intoxicating and comfortable. It feels like home.

“It’s good one. I promise you will like it.” Ni-ki says, excitedly from behind them.

Heeseung breaks apart from Jake, startling a bit. “You must be Ni-ki.”

“That’s me.” Ni-ki smiles. “And you’re Heeseung.”

“Well, Ni-ki, should I let us up to my apartment and I can hear this story.” Heeseung asks.

“Defintely.” Ni-ki says. “I took notes when he told me, but I didn’t bring them.” Ni-ki frowns. “But you probably won’t need those. I don’t think you’re as slow as my dad.”

Jake snorts. Heeseung bites down on his lip, trying not to laugh. “I appreciate your assessment.” Heeseung nods. “I can make some popcorn and hot chocolate for the story if that helps?”

“I’m surprised you didn’t suggest ramen.” Ni-ki says. Heeseung just laughs.

“Well, that’s a given of course.” Heeseung smiles, extending his hand for Ni-ki. “I’ll show you the way.” Ni-ki walks past Jake and grips Heeseung’s hand.

“After you hear the story, we should play video games together.” Ni-ki says. “My dad is really bad at it. But you make them, so I bet you’re really good.” Heeseung just laughs again.

Jake shakes his head, following behind them. He’s still in a daze. But his heart feels warm. Holding Heeseung after so many years had felt unreal. He wonders if he will get another opportunity to hug him after the story.

As Jake thinks to himself, he realizes that Heeseung and Ni-ki are already in the elevator. Jake rushes to get to the front door of the building before it closes, but Heeseung steps out of the elevator motioning for it to go up without him.

Heeseung walks back through the building door and pushes Jake a bit until he takes a few steps down the stairs. Then, before Jake can think much at all, Heeeseung grabs the back of Jake’s head and leans in for a kiss. Jake freezes for a moment, but then his brain catches up. He links his hands behind Heesung’s waist. Heeseung deepens the kiss, and Jake lets out a quiet moan.

Heeseung breaks the kiss. “Sorry. I just really needed to do that.” Heeseung smiles against Jake’s lips. “I’ve been wanting to that for a really long time.”

Jake reaches up and touches Heeseung’s cheek. “Please don’t apologize.” Jake breathes. “Unless you’re planning on stopping.” Heeseung laughs.

“I think we have to go meet your kid who is wandering around my floor.” Heeseung jerks his head to the door.

“Oh, right…” Jake says, closing his eyes, trying to wipe the fog from his brain. “We should do that.”

“But, maybe if the story is good, you can get another treat later.” Heeseung winks turning to walk up the stairs.

Jake grabs Heeseung’s hand, pulling him back toward him. Jake leans in, stealing another kiss. “I’d like that.” Jake squeezes Heeseung’s hand and they turn to walk toward the stairs together.

“Me too.” Heeseung smiles.