Chapter Text
Despite Zelena and Regina now being regular customers rather than enemies Granny still gave them both a hard stare as she clattered the tray of appletinis down. She set the drinks order on the battered formica tabletop as aggressively as possible.
Regina had come to the diner straight from work. She wore a charcoal grey suit and dark purple silk blouse. Zelena was more casual in black slacks and a mint green polo under a darker mossy toned velvet blazer. Her long red hair was loose cascading down against the soft green fabric of her jacket.
"This place getting a liquor license was the best thing that even happened here, I'm almost drunk enough to try the food." said Zelena loudly enough for Granny to hear. "Almost."
Granny glared at her again and slammed a tray of nachos down in front of them.
"What? Last time I ate here I wasn't the only one going green, I was doubled over in the bathroom all night!" protested Zelena.
"Were you wondering "what is this feeling?", Did you think you'd eaten 'Something bad?" No wonder you're not 'popular'." said Granny with a triumphant smirk as she walked away whistling a familiar tune.
Regina winced "No not this again, don't set her off!"
"I'm just saying I've never seen a cent of royalties from that show and they got all the facts wrong! Magic of Broadway my shapely green ass!!"
"What's wrong with her?" Asked Elsa taking a seat at the table. For once the icy nordic beauty had left her ball gown at home and was dressed in cornflower blue cargo shorts, blue canvas sneakers and a navy sleeveless top and pastel blue leather driving gloves.
The cold really didn't bother her.
"Yeah people seem obsessed to an absurd degree by her verdigris." called Granny from across the room.
"Do you know what that show did to my reputation?" Zelena shouted back "I should sue for defamation."
"Could be worse." Sighed Elsa fiddling with her gloves.
"You are never gonna let that go are you?" said Regina. She couldn't help herself.
Elsa gave her a look.
"Never heard that one before." she said with heavy sarcasm.
"Much as I love day drinking in a diner with you two why are we here?" asked Regina.
"Darts contest." said Zelena indicating the poster on the diner wall.
"So? Since when do you play darts?"
"I don't but Robin is in town and she's entered." said Zelena.
"So you're here to support your daughter, that's sweet." said Elsa.
"Oh trust me that's not it." Regina's voice was heavy with sarcasm. "She's got an angle."
"What are you implying Sis?" Zelena tried to sound innocent and failed by some way.
"I'm implying that Robin takes after her father Robin Hood in some areas and you're using your sweet innocent daughter to hustle a darts contest."
"As if I would! That would be..."
"Wicked?"
"I can't believe you would impugn my character in this fine establishment." Zelena smiled over her appletini.
"Yes you have such a sterling character Sis. I mean you did seduce Robin's father by disguising yourself as me and tricking him into getting you pregnant right before your boyfriend killed him." Regina reminded her.
"This from the woman sleeping with her stepdaughter's daughter while living in the town she created with a curse powered by murdering her own father."
"Not the same thing at all! But I admit not great." conceded Regina.
Elsa listened to this exchange opened mouthed in horror.
"You people are just so damaged! This is like the world's most horrifying support group." she said.
"At least we're both getting some action ice queen!" snapped Zelena.
"Actually I am seeing someone." Elsa announced primly.
"Did he get frozen stiff when he saw you?" teased Zelena.
"Aren't you worried you might have to break it off?"
"Actually her name is Caitlin and she's not from around here. She a scientist, she lives in the city. We've got a lot in common."
"Does she give you chills? Melt your heart?"
"How much have you been drinking?" complained Elsa. She finished her own drink in a gulp. Then she burped.
"Sorry, couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried."
She called for a refill then looked back at Zelena.
"You're really using your daughter to cheat at a darts contest?"
"It's not cheating if I just bet on her and people don't happen to know about her particular set of skills, anyway mama needs a new broomstick. It's not like I'm eating munchkins....anymore..."
"Eeeww."
"Oh don't you two look at me like that you know they're delicious deep fried."
"It's true." said Red overhearing as she passed the table carrying a tray of drinks.
"Hey Red, is Dorothy here? asked Zelena a little nervously. She had bad history with Red's girlfriend and the woman was handy with a crossbow.
"No you're safe, she's taking Toto to a dog show this weekend. I'd usually go with her but I agreed to stay and help granny out."
Regina looked thoughtful.
"When you say you usually go to dogshows with her....."
"I don't compete! I mean once or twice but just if Toto wasn't ready. That's all."
Elsa looked confused. Red shrugged.
"I'm a werewolf." She explained.
Zelena smiled in a way that could only be described as wicked.
"So, just to be clear, your girlfriend was leading you around naked on a leash in front of a crowd? I am seeing your relationship in a whole new light now."
Elsa and Regina looked at Red and contemplated the image Zelena had put in their heads.
Red blushed.
"They have leash laws at those events! Anyway I wasn't naked I was wearing fur the whole time. It's not a kink thing! I was just standing in for Toto. "
"Hey I believe you." said Zelena.
"Absolutely." agreed Regina.
"She does let you on the couch at home though doesn't she?" asked Elsa innocently.
The three of them burst out laughing as Red moved away scowling.
"Oh she is so crapping in our front yards tonight." Said Zelena.
Elsa looked down at her drink.
"She forgot ice." Elsa complained.
Zelena and Regina stared incredulously at her.
"Well sometimes it's nice not to do everything yourself." said Elsa defensively.
"Are we talking about Zelena's love life again?" teased Regina as Elsa conjured ice into her drink.
"Well we don't all get to play evil queen and saviour unless..."
"Zelena I love you and believe me I get that you're lonely but if you impersonate me again just to get laid I will drop a house on you."
"I'm kidding Sis! You know I wouldn't do that. Anyway one good thing about that musical, lots of hot guys love it, I get so much fan mail."
"Umm but .." began Elsa. Regina shook her head frantically.
"Let her dream."
"What?" said Zelena. "It's alright none of them have girlfriends."
They were interrupted by the door opening. Emma strode in. She was a vision in red leather, blonde hair and tight blue denim. She nodded to Regina with a smile.
"Madam Mayor."
"Miss Swan."
Zelena rolled her eyes.
"You realise everyone knows you two are sleeping together right?"
They were interrupted by a familiar if drunken voice as across the diner Snow clambered up on top of a table kicking over several drinks as she did so. The Viking warriors who had been using the table hurriedly moved aside to give Snow room.
"Look at me Zelena! Look at me! I'm defying gravity!!"
Zelena groaned.
"How can someone so small drink so much? Although I suppose she is married to Charming."
"If anyone asks we do not know her and we have not seen her." said Regina hiding her face.
"Why are those Vikings so scared?" Asked Elsa.
"Defying gravity! Never gonna bring me down!" sang Snow loudly. She staggered across the tabletop towards one of the huge bearded Viking warriors who flinched in terror.
"Show me your hammer Thor!" demanded Snow to the fleeing Viking.
"I really don't know that woman." said Regina to no one in particular.
With a sigh Emma walked over to where the Vikings were forming a wary perimeter around their abandoned table.
"Mom get down, you're scaring the Viking warriors."
"Who wants to go to Valhalla!?"
"Mom!"
"Aren't you going to help?" Elsa asked Regina. Regina shrugged.
"That seems like a sheriff problem."
"Hey!" called Robin as she entered the diner hand in hand with her girlfriend Alice.
Robin was a neatly dressed athletic looking young woman in khaki hiking trousers, a blue denim jacket and a red 'Hawkeye' t shirt. Her companion had a youthful hippy vibe in a peasant blouse under an old army parka and faded blue jeans that were too short in the leg. She wore mismatched socks and battered sneakers in comparison to Robins polished leather hiking boots.
Elsa looked at Robin, bright eyed and smiling in glasses.
"That's your daughter? She seems so nice."
"Hey, I do do some things right." said Zelena.
"She takes after her father." explained Regina.
"I said I was sorry!" protested Zelena.
"And Alice is her girlfriend?"
"She's the daughter of an alternative universe version of Regina's girlfriends ex."
"Who is her stepdaughters daughter...is there a chart or some kind of app I could get?" asked Elsa as she scribbled notes on a napkin.
"You know about phone apps?" Regina was surprised.
"I get royalties from the sale of 'Frozen' ringtones so I have to stay current on phone technology."
"Can I have the name of your lawyer?" asked Zelena quickly.
"I can't help but notice that Robin is wearing glasses." said Regina.
"Oh she only needs them for reading I asked her to wear them I wanted to get the best odds betting on her."
"Oh good grief Zelena...."
"Just because you're involved with law enforcement don't get all moral with me!"
The match began....
Several throws later....
"I mean she's pretty good but she's not the best, that Bill Tell seems really good." said Elsa concerned.
Zelena smiled "But I know something you don't."
"Robin isn't left handed." Regina added wearily.
On cue Robin switched hands and put three darts into the treble twenty in a blur of motion.
Then three more.
Then she switched back to her left hand and did it again just to prove she could.
She finished on a bullseye with her eyes closed.
Zelena ordered a round of drinks cackling with glee as she began collecting her winnings. Regina shook her head in disgust.
"I am not involved in this."
Regina got up to leave and was at the door when she saw Emma walking over to Zelena with what Regina thought of as her sheriff face on.
"Zelena are you gambling because...." Began Emma but she was interrupted by Regina.
"Miss Swan will you walk me home? We need to discuss urgent mayoral business."
Emma hesitated then quickly joined Regina ignoring Zelena's broad smirk.
"Regina you distracted me on purpose." accused Emma as they walked across town together. She didn't sound upset about it. Her hand slid around Regina's waist.
"Maybe I did Miss Swan, Zelena may be wicked but she is my sister. Besides I know you only have one set of handcuffs and we'll be needing those ourselves tonight."