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Silence.
It’s weird having me saying that.
In the common room of the dormitory, you could hear a pin drop.
I was the one who caused that mess.
Me and my words.
I have Kaminari in front of me, the friend who has always been by my side, the soul of the parties, everyone's friend.
I just gave him a moral blow. I feel awful.
He fell in love with me, and I wouldn't have bet half a yen on it.
Him, in love with me, the rock soul, tomboy, shady chick, surfboard?
Strange... I thought he shared the other's tastes, that he liked busty, feminine, pretty girls.
On the other hand, wasn't it really his best friend who didn't take me into consideration during his goliardic speeches?
I should like this thing, I was spared, and yet…
Yet.
Yet I'm weird, and not because I feel insecure about myself.
If only it were that simple.
That corny.
Kyoka Jirou, beautiful voice but nondescript appearance, unsure of her almost straight curves. Classic teenage story.
But no.
I could have accepted Denki's attentions, we could have hooked up, gone to the carnival and eaten pink cotton candy and turned our stomachs on a roller coaster, laughing like crazy.
But no.
I told him no.
Can someone be dumber than me?
I told him no because he doesn't interest me in that sense, because I like someone else.
And to think that Kaminari is such a handsome boy... He's nice, easy-going, cheerful, a good company... He would be a nice counterweight to a loner like me, and instead…
Instead nothing, I'm stupid.
His amber eyes are dull with disappointment, they no longer shine.
He's holding a gift package that suddenly looks crumpled to me.
I'm horrible.
I let him down.
“I see…” he murmurs, before standing up heavily. He even knelt down.
"Good night."
In an instant, his figure disappears beyond his bedroom door. None of our schoolmates dares to say a word.
I rejected him in front of everyone.
I practically destroyed him.
After a few seconds, our friends begin to move smoothly, but their voices get stuck in their vocal cords.
"Good, are you satisfied now?"
There it is, a familiar voice.
A voice that usually sounds irreverent.
Minoru Mineta.
He will surely launch an attack on Denki's behalf. As a best friend he is flawless, I acknowledge that.
I watch him. Our eyes meet in a fatal duel.
"What do you mean?" I ask him.
“What reason did you have to refuse him like that? It can be seen from a mile away that you like him! Did you want to make yourself cool in front of everyone?”
This one then… What can he know?
“Kaminari is a friend, I'm not interested in him as a boyfriend.”
My answer is cold, cutting. He can mind his own business.
"But-"
“But nothing, Mineta! Stop acting like you're an expert on girls! You don't know anything, okay?! ANYTHING!"
The scream I let out vibrates with pain. I’m surprised with myself.
Now I'll have to deal with what I really think, isn’t it?
There, in front of everyone, after the blow I dealt to Kaminari?
It would be humiliating.
Mineta is suddenly silent. He looks at me sternly, I've never seen him like this.
He usually gets on my nerves, but now he makes me feel judged.
He doesn't have the usual smug smile on his lips, nor his sly look, or even a lascivious blush on his face.
In his black eyes there is a judgment against me, severe.
“The truth is, Kaminari suits you when he's a jester. Now that he's serious you don't need him, am I wrong?”
Is there contempt in Mineta's gaze?
"It's not like you're thinking. I really care for Kaminari.”
“Then prove it to him and go apologize.”
"I'm sorry I offended him, but I couldn't tell him a lie!"
“You could have invited him to talk privately!”
"Then why did he come out in front of everyone?"
This conversation is getting us nowhere. Kaminari has to accept my friendship alone, and Mineta has to accept that things won't always go perfectly for his best friend. As for me… I'm not ready to accept my true feelings.
“I go to Kaminari.” Mineta says resolutely.
Something in me snaps.
"Wait!"
"I have nothing else to add."
“THAT’S THE PROBLEM!”
Mineta knocks on Kaminari's door, he opens it and Minoru enters, not without giving me a last, angry look.
I stand there, rattled. I collapse on the sofa.
Right away, Ochako and Momo sit down next to me.
"Is everything alright, Kyoka?" my brunette friend asks.
“What did you mean earlier? What did you still want to say to Mineta?” Momo asks me instead.
I hide my eyes with the back of my hand, as if I were afraid to meet their gazes.
"Never mind…"
My voice trembles.
Damn.
If I feel like crying, it's over.
I already have the impression that my friends have taken the hint, sensing a feeling that is still unacceptable to me.
What did he do to deserve my attention?
He challenged me.
He left me aside.
I challenged him in turn.
It was a silent war, which gradually piled blow after blow.
And now we have reached the climax.
A war that had Denki Kaminari as its victim, caught in the crossfire.
I'll have to apologize to him for that.