Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"I'm so sorry Basil. Please forgive me..."

It's all your fault.

"Why, Basil...? Why did you do it?"

It's all you fault.

"Sunny... Why does this keep happening to us?"

It's all your fault.

"Please... Sunny. You shouldn't be seeing this."

It's all your fault.

"Your supposed to be moving out today... On your way to a fresh new start."

It's all your fault.

"We'll take care of everything here."

It's all your fault.

"Go on ahead... Well be fine. I think."

You could've done something.

I could've done something.

I could've done something but instead I did nothing. 

I could've done something but instead I did nothing because I'm selfish.

The walk away from Basil's house felt like years. So. Many. Years.

The dead of night is cold and dark. I could've sworn I just saw a single eye appear for a split second then disappear.

There is no one here but I feel as if thousands of eyes are locked into me, judging me, telling me that I'm nothing but a useless runt, a waste of matter, a murderer, that I only make things worse for others, that I can't learn from my mistakes.

The ringing in my ears gets louder with each step I take. It's making me go insane.

The trees are barren, dead, without their leaves. The trees have nooses hanging from their branches. One of the nooses had a familiar black shadow figure hanging from its neck.

 The cold is unbearable. I feel nothing, however. I feel nothing, that makes me nothing.

A dead cat lays in the middle of the road. I wonder if it feels the same as me.

The road is cold and brittle. I can feel it through my shoes. Either that or I actually feel nothing and it's all in my head. I really wish it was all in my head.

The wind blows harshly as if it's trying to knock me to the ground. It's what I deserve. To be knocked to the ground and beaten to a pulp it would finally pay off my wrongdoings.

I finally reach my house to what felt like forever. 

I walk through the living room before stopping myself to glance at the kitchen.

There is something I need.

I walk into the kitchen and fixed my eyes on a shiny steak knife. Picking up the knife I take a look at my reflection. It's ugly. Horrible. Disgusting. Horrendous. Terrible.

I exit the kitchen with the knife and in front of the stairs. I look up.

It's Mari.

Her face is filled with disappointment. Utter disgust. As it should be. It's surprising how she can even look at me and my miserable, dead eyes.

She walks away from the stairs and into my bedroom.

I walk up the stairs, each step making a creak, screaming in pain as that is all I do to others I care most about. I reach the top of the stairs and into the bathroom.

Staring at myself in the mirror I see something swaying in the wind behind me.

I exit the bathroom and instantly walk into my room. Black tentacles cover the windows as if they were blinds. A very comfortable bed is presented. No amount of comfort would fix this dread.

I lay in bed.

I'd rather sleep than stay awake.

*     *     *

WELCOME TO WHITE SPACE.

YOU HAVE BEEN LIVING HERE FOR A LONG A YOU CAN REMEMBER.

I wake up in the familiar endless white void on the carpet.

A tissue box for wiping my sorrows away. Right now, there are too many sorrows to be wiped even with an endless amount of tissues.

My laptop. Nothing but static. There is no warmth coming from the bottom to warm my lap. I don't deserve it.

My sketchbook. A single drawing of a decapitated head and nothing else. Empty, just like me.

A single wire hanging from the ceiling. Wherever that is. There is no lightbulb here. My mind has been shattered long ago.

The door to Headspace is gone. There is nothing left to do here. I take out my knife preparing myself to wake up. But this time, Sunny Suzuki will not wake up.

The knife goes through the stomach with ease. It hurts but by the end of it it'll all be over. He will finally have peace. He will close his eyes except this time they will not open. Years of pain and suffering finally released. I wonder if there is an afterlife? It's best not to ponder. I fall to the floor and let the blood spread around. 

*     *     *

The pain is excruciating but you're too tired to complain about it.

So instead you just close your eyes and fall asleep.

However this time, it will be an endless sleep. A sleep you'll never wake up from. 

Blood spreads across the bed and drips onto the floor.

It's okay. It's all going to be okay. Your friends won't miss you. They'll move on from someone like you. A monster.

Rest now, Sunny. You've suffered long enough. It's time to rest.

Oyasumi. Goodnight Sunny Suzuki.

*     *     *

*Alarm clock buzzing*

*Beep*

*Beep*

*Beep*

*Phone vibrating*

*Knock*

*Knock*

*Knock*

*Door creaking*

*Gasp*

*Tear droplets*

*Crying hysterically*

*Phone beeping*

"911. What's your emergency?"

Chapter Text

"Practice is over."

After what felt like a millennial. I don't know how much longer I can take the abuse anymore. There's one more day left till the recital and I'm still not good enough to play my part correctly.

Maybe if I'd just disappeared she wouldn't have to play with anyone. She'll play her recital without anyone to make a mistake to screw it all up but at the same time she'll be lonely. That's terrible. 

Though, the thought of me disappearing is tempting.

I walk up the stairs and for some reason go into my parents room. That aren't here so it's okay. 

As I enter the room my eyes fixate on a specific drawer next to the bed. I walk towards it and open the drawer.

There it was. Dad's gun. Fully loaded. I take the gun and run straight to my room.

I hid the gun underneath my bed. I have a feeling that I need it for later but I'm not sure why.

"There you are! What are you doing over there?"

Shrug and walk away.

*     *     *

"TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY SUNNY! IT NEEDS TO BE PERFECT! WHAT PART OF PERFECT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!?"

I

can't

take

this

ANYMORE

I run out of the music room and up the stairs with my violin. Mari's screaming can be heard but that's okay. I teach the top of the stairs and raise the violin up high.

One.

Two.

Three.

Down goes the violin. Three thing broke in half and the strings are loose. Now I ain't have to play in the recital anymore.

"SUNNY, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!?"

Crap.

"DID YOU JUST BREAK THE DAMN VIOLIN!? DID YOU KNOW HOW MUCH EFFORT WE PUT INTO BUYING THAT FOR YOU!?"

Her screams are deafening.

"DO WE MEAN NOTHING TO YOU, YOU SELFISH BRAT!? HOW ARE WE GOING TO PLAY IN THE RECITAL NOW!?"

I need to get away. I want to get away.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING!? WE'RE NOT DONE HERE YET!"

Shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

SHUT UP.

*Thud*

*Thud*

*Thud*

*Crack*

*Snap*

*Crack*

*Thud*

Did I.... Really just did that?

I did...

Mari.. She's... Oh God. What have I done?

What have I done!?

What have I done!?

Mari is dead and I killed her. A pool of blood surrounded her body.

I killed my own sister.

And for what!? Just so I couldn't play in a stupid recital!? What...

WHAT KIND OF SELFISH BULLSHIT IS THAT!?

I'm a monster. A murderer. A selfish murderer.

I run up to my room and search the underneath of my bed.

There it was. Dad's gun. Fully loaded. I hold the gun and aim it towards my head.

I don't hear the yelling telling me to stop.

It doesn't matter. They'll all find out soon enough and they'll hate me as much as I feel towards myself. They won't miss me. They'll miss Mari.

And why would they? Feeling sorrow for a murderer? That's insane.

At least my death will be quick and painless unlike Mari's. I'm so sorry Mari.

I pull the trigger.

Chapter Text

"Snore... Come on, guys... It's time to sleep already..."

"Hehe... Yeah, yeah... G'night, guys."

"Good night, Kel. Good night, Aubrey. Good night, Sunny. See you all in the morning..."

Easier said than done. I can barely shut my eyes and fall asleep. This isn't right. I sleep very fine pretty much anywhere. How am I gonna go back to Headspace?

I get up and walk into the hallway. The bathroom. There has to be something here. Maybe like some sleeping medicine?

I open the drawers to find absolutely nothing of interest. Closing the drawer my eyes fixate onto a mirror cabinet. I open the mirror cabinet to find a bunch of pill bottles. Headaches, fever, allergies, sleeping pills!

I grab the pill bottle, open the cap with some struggle, and pull out a single pill. People really swallow these things and feel better right after? That's like Headspace except replace these with food from Mari.

Wait, I need to swallow this. Do I need, like, water or anything? These things are probably hard to swallow. I walk out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. I grab a glass cup and fill it quietly with water. I think people do it like this.

I pop the pill into my mouth and take a swig of water. The pill went through my throat with ease. Wow, that was easier than I thought. I walk back to my sleeping bag and get in it. 

Now all I have to do is sleep and I'll be in Headspace on no time! Sleeping pills... Wow...

I close my eyes and fall into a deep sleep.

*     *     *

What the hell have I done!?

I suddenly jolt awake. I look around to find everyone else is still sleeping. I need to find Basil a fast as possible.

I walk slightly fast into the hallway and in front of Basil's room.

Opening the door, I wished I hadn't.

There it was. Basil's dead body. A pair of bloody garden shears lays in his hands accompanied by blood flowing from his chest. I get closer and check the stab wound. the cut was clear as day. I got blood on my hands now. This... I really hope this was just a scary nightmare. Basil couldn't be dead he's-

No.

Basil is dead, just like Mari. I have to accept that.  He's dead and it's all my fault, just like Mari. I could've done something. If only I'd waken up sooner, this wouldn't have happened. If only I'd stopped myself, none of this would've happened. Why am I like this? Why does everyone I care for die at the touch of my hands? How do I stop hurting every-

The pills. That must be it. If I fall into an endless sleep I won't be able to hurt anyone anymore. I won't cause any harm. I walk out of Basil's room and into the bathroom. Opening the mirror cabinet I reach for the pill bottle.

One pill will put me in a temporary sleep. If I take more than one I'll be in an endless sleep. That had to be it. I exit the bathroom, walk into the kitchen, grab a glass cup, and quietly fill it with a water. I also grab a sticky note and pen. I carry the items back into the bathroom.

This is it. After all of this ends, everything will truly be okay. It's been too long. I finish writing on the sticky note.

I open the bottle and empty all of the pills into my palm. Nine pills should be enough.

Take a deep breathe. It's not as scary as you think. You friends will be glad you did it on the first place. 

Breathe in...

Breathe out...

I put all of the pills in my mouth and down the entire cup.

First comes nausea. Everything around me becomes distorted. I can barely keep my balance.

Then comes a bloody nose. I remember getting one of these when I was hit in the face by a baseball while playing catch with Aubrey.

Then comes vomit. It's all on the floor. I feel bad. They're going to have to clean all of this up when they find me.

Then comes the fall. I faceplant towards the floor. Ew, I have vomit on my face now.

Then comes realization... Is there an afterlife? A heaven and hell? If there is I'm probably going to hell. I deserve it anyway.

...

I'm going to miss my friends.

Lastly comes darkness.

The light begins to fade.

Smile goodnight everyone.

*     *     *

[Aubrey POV]

I jolt awake. My God, what the hell was that dream about? Why was it so fucked up? It was something about Basil and Sunny but the vision is blurry. I can't remember at all.

Oh, looks like Kel and Hero are awake as well.

"Yawn... Yo, I just had the craziest dream ever."

"You too?" Hero wipes his eyes.

"Yeeeaaah. It was, like, kinda crazy. Sunny fricken jumped off a hospital skyscraper."

"I'm sorry, what?" I get up from the couch.

"Kel, could you elaborate?"

"Uhhh. I think he said something, like 'After this, you'll all be glad that I'm doing this.'"

Okay, that's really fucked up.

"I'm... going to use the restroom."

"Oh, okay. I'm just gonna go back to sleep. You sleeping too Kel?"

"snore... snore... snore..."

Of course. I walk towards the bathroom and was greeted with an awful smell. What the hell is this? Who vomited in the misfire of the night? Now that I think about it, Sunny wasn't there when I woke up. Did he vomit? Oh God, I hope he's okay. I open the door and-

I screamed the loudest I've screamed ever.

I couldn't believe my eyes. Sunny laid limp on the floor in a pool of vomit. Blood flowed out of his nose and onto the floor. His eyes lay completely dead and his body motionless. My eyes fixate on an empty pill bottle.

I screamed again after the realization.

Hero bursts into the room.

"Aubrey! Are you alright? I heard you scream and-"

Hero became completely silent after his eyesight made first contact with Sunny.

"Hey! What's the big idea? I'm just trying to slee-"

Kel became completely silent after his eyesight made first contact with Sunny.

That both run out of the room. A phone being can be heard a few moments later.

I pick up Sunny's dead bod-

No. It can't be. Sunny isn't dead. Yeah, this all must be a terrible dream. I'll wake up eventually and everything would be okay. Sunny will move away and live a happy life. Then it hit me.

This is exactly how the dream played out.

Yeah, this must be a dream! It's the same dream. I just have to pinch myself awake and everything will be fine. I pinch my right arm.

I won't wake up.

Why won't I wake up!?

"Please be alive, please. Don't be dead. You aren't dead, please. This is all just a bad dream. Everything is fine. You didn't kill yourself. You didn't overdose. Everything is going to be fine."

There was another sudden yell from Basil's room.

Wait, don't tell me.

I leave the bathroom and walk into three hallway. Basil's door is wide open. I look inside to find Polly hugging something and crying. Kel is by her side trying his best to comfort her. I walk into the room to get a closer look.

It was Basil, except he smelled like a dead body. Blood covered all of Polly's clothing and right next to her was a pair of garden shears. Bloody garden shears. Don't tell me...

Did Basil Stab himself? But.. why?

Basil was at the hospital visiting his sick grandma. Did... Did she not survive? Oh no...

Was it... Was it because of me? Was this all my fault? All those years I bullied him over a stupid photo album, I-

"Why, Basil... Why did you do it?"

Kel gets up and looks at me. His usual smile is completely shattered.

"Aubrey... Why does this keep happening to us?"

I keep down towards Basil and hug him.

"I'm so sorry Basil. Please forgive me..."

Sirens can be heard in front of the house. Hero must've called them. I- I wanna see Sunny one last time before they take him away. I exit the room and walk back into the bathroom. There it was again.

I kneel down and hug his body tightly.

"You... You fucking coward... Why? Tell me why!?"

My eyes fixate onto a sticky note right next to Sunny. I pick it up to get a good look at it. Blood covered it but it was still readable. I couldn't belive what I just read.

It was me

I killed Mari

I'm so sorry

Chapter Text

Your memories are not free. To gain a memory, another must be shrouded. And yet... All memories will eventually fade.

Perhaps you've already noticed... the curse of Deeper Well.

With time, what is important will change. You must choose what you will keep and what you will cast away.

Not everyone has that choice.

Humans are bounded creatures. Your limits are what define you. What makes you human?

What if it's up to you? What if it's only up to you?

Carry on, Dreamer. You are the only one who can.

The universe is full of questions that you will never answer. Yet... there are also ones that only you can answer.

When the truth was revealed, what did you do?

Time will always move forward. Eventually, the truth will be acceptable... You know this well... don't you, Dreamer?

It is selfish to dream for so long when there are those who are expecting you.

An unhallowed burden has been placed upon you. You have the power to change the future. What will you do, Dreamer? What will you do?

The last time you fell into deep water... Were you truly saved? Or were you cursed?

How far will you go to save a friend?

The sun shined brighter... when she was here...

*     *     *

"And now that she's gone... everyone wished it were you..."

"You've caused so much suffering... yet you do nothing."

"And so you've earned nothing in return."

"Your friends will never forgive you."

"They've already abandoned you like you did them... and that's what you deserve."

...

"You tell yourself that you don't want to burden others..."

"But the truth is that you're selfish. You just don't want people to depend on you."

"When do you think about others? How long are you going to let people take care of you?"

"You say you care but you're a liar. You've never done anything for anyone else."

"You're useless... less than useless. You're sick."

"People like you don't deserve to live."

...

"Your friends were right about you. You're nothing but a silent freak and a murderer."

"You'd let them believe in a lie to protect yourself."

"You're nothing but a liar... once they finally heard the truth..."

"They now hate you as much as you hate yourself."

"You'll never be able to regain their trust, their kindness, their love."

"Instead, your bowl will be filled with dust and curses."

"No matter what you do, it will be hopeless."

"All you'll do is make things worse. It would be better to just die."

...

"You killed Mari. She loved you and you killed her."

"Hero loved her and you killed her."

"Aubrey loved her and you killed her."

"Kel loved her and you killed her."

"Basil loved her and you killed her."

"You loved her and you killed her."

...

"You should just die."

"Once this is over... everything will finally be okay."

"When that day comes... everyone will love you."

"The sun shine brighter when you weren't here."

"The sun shine brighter when you weren't here."

"The sun shine brighter when you weren't here."

*     *     *

I wake up to the same dull ceiling I see everyday. The new apartment isn't doing well for me at all. It's nice to not be in THAT house and be constantly reminded of the mistake I made but during these past few days I... I miss it a lot. I miss my friends, my life, my sister. But it's all gone. Everything I once knew and loved all shattered because of a single push. All because of a stupid recital. All because of a violin. All because of me. The stupid shut-in kid who only had friends because he had a sister who was a million times better than he was at physically everything. I'm nothing but a useless runt that doesn't deserve.

When I told the truth to everyone, their reactions being violent would be putting it lightly. Ever since that day I've never seen their faces ever again. No contact from them. I've never tried to contact them ever because I know that it's useless. I tried my luck with Basil and in return I got zero. So I gave up. They all hate me.

Hero loved me and now he hates me.

Aubrey loved me and now she hates me.

Kel loved me and now he hates me.

Basil loved me and now he hates me.

Mari loved me and now she hates me.

...

What am I thinking? They never loved me in the first place, let alone liked.

I get up from my bed. There would be no point in sleeping in that anymore.

I open the closet and grab a toy treasure box. I don't need to open it this time.

I walk into the bathroom. I wouldn't need to brush my teeth for what I'm about to do.

I walk into the living room. The term living is quite the ironic one.

I walk into the kitchen. I don't need the knife. I need something else. Something faster.

I open a box and pull out a jump rope. The same one Basil used to hang my sister. Terrible, terrible memories come back but that's okay.

I walk out of the apartment and walk down the stairs. Stairs, the stairs I pushed my sister towards that ultimately killed her. Terrible, terrible memories come back but that's okay.

I reach the bottom of the stairs and walk down a trail towards the forest. It would be bad if there were witnesses.

I tied the rope into a noose. The exact same way Basil had done it. I'd always wondered how he learned how to tie a noose.

I hang the rope on a tree branch. Sturdy, but not too high for me to not reach. The perfect branch...

I stand on top the the toy box and put the noose around my neck. This must be what my sister felt.

Omori appears right in front of me. His eyes are no longer filled with emptiness. They taunt me, insult me, fill me with a sickening feeling. He walks towards me and embraces me.

"Everything is going to be okay. Don't worry about what happens next. I trust you, they'll love you if you follow through with this. Now..."

Close your eyes

You'll be here soon.

Omori pushes me off the box.

The rope wrings my neck.

The air leaves my lungs.

My throat burns.

I close my eyes

and fall into a deep dream.