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Chapter Text

Dipper was an observant guy.  It was something he'd always prided himself on.  He paid attention to his surroundings and wasn't easily caught off-guard.

He could tell when Mabel was trying to pickpocket him.  He could tell within minutes of returning to the Mystery Shack that Melody had moved in.  And today, he could tell that Pacifica Northwest was acting strangely.

He hoped he was wrong about the why.  She'd changed so much from the girl who'd mocked Mabel for being silly on Pioneer Day.  After Weirdmageddon, he'd thought they were friends.  He didn't want to believe that she would do what she seemed to be doing.

Maybe he was just finally going crazy.  As Mabel said, it was bound to happen eventually.  Or maybe she had a good reason for this behavior, and he'd understand once she got the chance to explain.

Dipper tried his best to force a neutral expression onto his face as Pacifica approached again with the rest of their order.

"Okay Mabel, we finally found the sprinkles.  They were all the way in the back for some reason.  Sorry about the wait.  How much do you want on your pancakes?"

"All of them!" Mabel crowed happily.

"You'll literally have more sprinkles than pancake."

"Perfect!  Do it!"

"Mabel, this is the only container of sprinkles we have.  Are you going to pay the forty dollars and change it'll cost to buy another one?  'Cuz I don't think your uncles will."

"I'm sure not paying forty extra dollars for you to have all that junk," Stan confirmed.  "You're lucky I'm springing for pancakes at all!"

"Aww," Mabel pouted.  "Fine.  Just give me a little."

Pacifica poured a moderately-generous amount of sprinkles onto Mabel's pancakes.  "There you go.  Will that do?"

"I guess it'll have to," Mabel sighed.  Pacifica looked unsure of how to take that, but Dipper knew that she was just exaggerating her disappointment for dramatic effect.  Probably, anyway.

Then Pacifica finally set the plate in her other hand down on the table in front of Dipper.  "And an extra plate of hash browns.  Don't worry, Dipper, I didn't forget about you."  She made eye contact with him, a warm smile on her lips, and winked.  "I couldn't, even if I wanted to."

Dipper looked away.  Yeah, he decided.  She's definitely flirting with me.  But why would she do that?  "Thanks," he muttered.  "They look delicious."

"I'll be sure to tell Lazy Susan you said that," she replied.  "She'll be happy to hear it.  Enjoy your brunch."  She turned and began to walk away.

"Wait," Dipper said, before she could get too far, and before Stan could go off on a rant about this being a late breakfast, not brunch, because brunch was a dumb word that only snobby rich people used.  Pacifica stopped and looked back at him.  "What time are you off?"

"My shift ends at noon today," she answered, and Dipper could swear that her eyes were actually sparkling.  How on earth did she do that?  "Why do you ask?"

Dipper resisted the urge to feel self-conscious.  The knowledge that Pacifica was in some kind of trouble at best and had fallen back into her old ways at worst helped.  "Could we meet up somewhere this afternoon?  I just feel like we have a lot of catching up to do."

Pacifica looked unreasonably pleased with herself.  "Dipper Pines, are you asking me out on-"

"Nope!" Dipper yelped, and tried not to think about how many people were probably staring at him.  "No, I just want to catch up."

Pacifica nodded.  If she felt disappointed by his response, she was hiding it pretty well.  "You bet.  I'll come by the Mystery Shack at two o'clock.  I'm sure we have a lot to talk about."

She resumed walking away from their booth, and Dipper turned back to his family.  They spent the next hour teasing him, because of course they did.  In all honesty, this time he couldn't even really blame them.

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Sure enough, not long after two o'clock, there was a knock at the door.  Dipper managed to get halfway to his feet before Mabel body-checked him to the floor and ran downstairs to answer the door herself.  When Dipper caught up, she was already chattering a mile a minute at Pacifica, who was making an admirable effort to listen politely.

Pacifica had changed out of her waitress uniform and into something more casual -- a pale purple dress/shirt/thing with black leggings and fuzzy brown boots.  She looked... pretty good, although Dipper clamped down firmly on the part of his brain that wanted to explore that line of thought further.

"Yo Dippingsause, your girlfriend is here!" Mabel grinned, wiggling her eyebrows in a way that she probably thought had some sort of meaning.

"I can see that," Dipper said, because the previous summer had taught him to pick his battles more wisely and he knew it would be easier to explain the situation to her later once he had all of the information than to try convincing her of anything right now.  Then he changed the subject.  "Hey Mabel, remember how Mom and Dad confiscated all of your food-scented paint and glue?"

"Yeah."

"I hid some in a smell-proof box under my bed.  Wanna make a delicious artistic masterpiece for Soos to put on display?"

Mabel gasped.  "OHMYGOSHTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUDIPPERIMGONNAGODOTHAT!!"  She turned and ran upstairs like her life depended on it.  Dipper stepped onto the porch and closed the door.  He looked at Pacifica.  "You up for a walk?"

"After you rescued me from your sister?" she responded wryly.  "How could I say no?"

Dipper started walking into the forest, and Pacifica followed.

A minute of silence passed, and then she spoke up again.  "I wasn't out of line there, right?" she asked.  "Saying you were 'rescuing' me from Mabel?"

"No, you're fine.  She can be a bit much for some people.  I get that.  As long as you aren't being mean to her, we-" Dipper gestured between Pacifica and himself.  "Don't have a problem."

"Okay.  That's good.  I'm, I'm trying to be a nicer person now, but I still really don't get your sister.  It's harder being nice to her than it is being nice to you."

"Well, I appreciate the effort."

They lapsed into silence for another few minutes, until Pacifica once again broke it.

"So I know some of this is just, like, your default, but you seem like a man on a mission right now.  You leading me somewhere specific?"

"I have a friend who lives in a cave up this mountain.  I thought it would be nice to see him again.  And I think his cave is a pretty good place for you and me to talk without any eavesdroppers."

"Yeesh, Pines, did you consider maybe just asking me to dinner before making me climb a mountain?"

"It's a small mountain.  Not very far.  Don't tell me you can't handle it?"

"Grrr."

---------------------------------

The Multi-Bear was delighted to see Dipper, and after a bit of small talk he agreed to let the two young teens use one of the back rooms of his cave to have a private discussion.

"So, um..." Pacifica began, somewhat awkwardly, as Dipper dug through his backpack for something.

"Have you seen this man recently?" Dipper interrupted, pulling out a picture of the Love God and shoving it under her nose.

Pacifica squinted at the picture.  "No?  Not since last year's Woodstick Festival.  Dipper, what's going on?"

"You tell me," Dipper answered, putting the picture away.  "You keep flirting with me.  Why?"

"What do you mean why?!  I like you, you dork!"

"I don't believe you," Dipper replied bluntly.  Pacifica recoiled at that, looking stunned, hurt, and confused.

"The idea that you of all people could ever like me in that way makes no sense," Dipper went on.  "So either you're trying to manipulate me because you want something from me, or something magic is going on."

"What- I- bwuh?" Pacifica asked in bewilderment.

"I want to believe the second one, but I'm not really seeing any evidence for it right now.  You know me, Mabel, and yourself too well to be the Shapeshifter.  And I can't see why the Love God would want to make you fall in love with me.  He hates me and Mabel for stealing from him that time, and said he wants nothing to do with us anymore.  And if you were possessed, your eyes would be different."

"So what, you think I'm just pretending to like you for my own selfish purposes or whatever?"  Pacifica narrowed her eyes.  Dipper narrowed his right back.

"That's what makes the most sense.  You're a really good actress, I'll admit it, but I thought you knew by now that you don't need to put on an act with me and Mabel.  We like your real self, and if you just tell us what you need help with we'll help you.  What do you really want, Pacifica?"

"What do I want?" Pacifica hissed, tears springing to her eyes.  "I want you to take me seriously!  I want you to like me, and to trust me, and to think I'm a good person, and to tell me I'm good so I don't have to feel so awful all the time!  I want to be able to go to someone, anyone, and talk honestly about my thoughts and feelings without it blowing up in my face!"  She jumped to her feet.  "I want you, you fucking moronic conspiracy theorist jerk!  I want you to hug me and trade witty banter with me for hours and maybe even dance with me sometime!  That's what I really want!"  She fled the cave, leaving Dipper in shock on the floor.

The Multi-Bear poked his head into the room.  "Are you okay, Dipper?"

"I think I messed up, Multi-Bear."

"Yes, it looks as if you have."

"What do I do?  How can I fix this?"

"I'll help you.  The first step is to calm down.  Come and listen to some BABBA with me."

"...Okay."

Chapter Text

"You said WHAT!?!?" Mabel shrieked, horrified.  The oddly-shaped glittery sculpture she'd been working on drooped slightly, as if it too was displeased with Dipper's mistake.

"Look, how was I supposed to know she'd like someone as undesirable as me?"

Mabel narrowed her eyes.  "Who told you you were undesirable?"

"You did," Dipper stated flatly.  "Also everyone in our class at Piedmont."

Mabel winced.  "Oh.  Right.  Yeah, I guess that would do it.  Well, um, what about that time Candy had a crush on you?"

"I saw Candy running after Gabe.  And that was after we all saw him make out with his own hand puppets.  She has zero standards.  And even she decided she didn't like me that way after less than a day."

Mabel opened her mouth to argue further, then thought better of it.  "Okay, so maybe Pacifica has strange taste in boys.  The point is, she's in love with you, and she confessed her love for you, and you were so insecure about your lack of conventional attractiveness that you thought she was lying, and now she's probably crying into a pillow somewhere feeling rejected.  We need to fix this."

"I have a plan," Dipper said.  "It just needs some fine-tuning."

"We'll see about that.  Lay it on me, bro-bro."

"I go find Pacifica, apologize, tell her that I like her back, and let her lead the conversation from there."

Mabel stared at her brother, surprised.  "That's it?  That's only four steps, and they aren't even numbered!"

Dipper shrugged.  "I learned a few things from last summer.  And from this afternoon.  She's already said she likes me.  Whether what I said earlier ruined that or not, I still owe it to her to make up for hurting her feelings.  The question is, should I bring, like, flowers or something?"

"Yes.  Definitely.  Absolutely."

--------------------------

After a brief side-trip to pick up some flowers, Dipper plucked up his courage and marched right up to Northwest Manor.  The gates were already open for some reason, so he didn't need to use the grappling hook he'd borrowed from Mabel to get in.  He made his way through the fancy front yard and up the steps and knocked on the door.

It wasn't until after he'd knocked that something occurred to him.  "Wait."

The door opened to reveal Old Man McGucket, wearing an oversized Sev'ral Timez t-shirt and what looked like a new pair of glasses.  "Well, howdy, Dipper!  I'm delightymafied to see you!  How've things been?"

Dipper facepalmed.  "Oh.  Hi, McGucket.  Sorry, I forgot you bought this place.  I'm looking for Pacifica Northwest.  Do you know where she lives now?"

McGucket stroked his beard.  "I can't rightly say that I do.  Sorry, Dipper.  It hasn't really come up in our therapy meetings."

Dipper sighed.  "Thanks anyway.  Wait, you have therapy meetings with Pacifica?"

"Sure, on account of how we were both-" he lowered his voice "transmogrified into tapestries by Bill that one time.  Soos comes too, and Lil' Gideon, and your friend Wendy, and that Robbie kid."

Dipper's eyes widened.  "Oh man, I completely forgot that happened to you guys."

"Don't worry about it!" McGucket said cheerfully.  "I know a thing or two about forgettin'.  But you know who might know where to find Pacifica?  Lazy Susan.  She's her boss, after all.  Gotta send those paychecks somewhere!"

Dipper nodded.  "That makes sense.  Thanks McGucket!  I'll see you later!"

He ran off in the direction of Greasy's Diner.

Chapter Text

Lazy Susan was more than happy to tell Dipper where Pacifica lived once he told her that he was an admirer trying to bring her flowers.

The downside of admitting that was that it caused everyone in earshot to immediately begin cooing over how cute he was and what a sweet couple he and Pacifica would make.  Dipper burned in embarrassment, but he swallowed his pride and resisted the urge to get angry or flee.

I need to make sure Pacifica is alright, he told himself, as Lazy Susan searched for where she'd written down her employees' contact information, and as Mayor Tyler gave him a bunch of spectacularly useless love advice.  That's the priority right now.  I need to find her as quickly as possible.  And if I succeed, she and I might start dating, and then everyone will do this any time we're seen in public together anyway, so I might as well just get used to it.

----------------

Pacifica's parents were... less helpful.

"You!" Preston Northwest thundered the moment he saw who was standing in the doorway of his newer, somewhat-smaller house.  "You're the boy who ruined my life!"

"Um-" Dipper tried to say, but the man had already leapt up and was grabbing an expensive-looking assault rifle that he'd had mounted on the wall.  Fortunately for Dipper, the gun wasn't loaded, and while Preston was fiddling with it, the boy marched right up to him and punched him in the gut hard enough to knock the wind out of him.

Priscilla Northwest, useless as ever, just stood there gaping as a thirteen-year-old disarmed her husband and got him in a chokehold.  The butler who had answered the door merely raised an eyebrow, knowing that his salary wasn't anywhere near enough to make tussling with a Pines worth the trouble.

"I just have one question, and then I'll leave," Dipper said.  "Where's Pacifica?"

"She's not here," the butler answered, in a Canadian accent that didn't match his appearance at all.  "About an hour after she got home from work she left again, and she hasn't been back since."

Dipper nodded.  "Okay, thanks."  He released Preston from the chokehold, picked up the discarded gun, grabbed a gaudy decorative diamond-studded ivory sculpture that looked like Stan might like it from the end table, and ran out the door and down the road before anyone could stop him.

"CURSE YOU, DIPPER PINES!!"

------------

"Woah," Mabel remarked as Dipper entered the Mystery Shack, panting, with an armload of stolen goods.  "I must have eaten a lot more of that food-scented paint than I thought if I'm getting hallucinations already."

"Nah dude, I think this is real," Soos replied.  "Yo Dipper, where'd you get a gun?  And a... whatever that other thing is?"

Dipper set both items down gently -- along with the flowers, which had been crushed in his scuffle with Pacifica's dad -- and collapsed into a chair.  "I stole them from the Northwests."

Stan stuck his head into the room.  "What did you steal?"  His eyes lit up when he saw the gun and the sculpture, and the rest of his body entered.  "Woah, jackpot!  Way to go, kid!  You need someone to fence these for you?  'Cuz I could get several thousand dollars for 'em, easy."

Dipper gave a tired thumbs-up.  "Go right ahead, Grunkle Stan.  I was thinking of you when I took them.  You can have fifty percent of the profits if you get rid of them in less than a week.  Consider it an early birthday present."

"You got it."  Stan grabbed both items and left to do old man things.

"So does this mean Pacifica didn't accept your apology?" Mabel asked.

"No, it means I couldn't find her.  She wasn't at McGucket's place, or at Greasy's, or at her house.  Her dad tried to shoot me on sight, so I took what I could and got out of there."

"Geez, that guy keeps getting worse," Soos remarked.  "A few weeks ago he tried to run McGucket down with his car.  I don't get why he's so mad at everyone.  I mean, he's still a millionaire, for Pete's sake!"

"Soos," Dipper asked, returning to the matter at hand.  "Do you know where Pacifica goes when she's upset?"

Soos shrugged.  "I don't think she has a specific place, dude.  I think if she doesn't feel like talking to me or Wendy or one of her other friends, she just finds somewhere out-of-the-way."

Dipper nodded.  "I was afraid you'd say that.  She's probably still out in the woods, then."  He got to his feet.  "I hope I can find her before something else does."

"Do you want us to come as backup?" Mabel asked.  "It's getting dark."

Dipper shook his head.  "I'll be fine.  Half of the sentient beings who live in the forest around here owe me their lives, and none of the non-sentient ones are tougher than the Multi-Bear.  And I'm not going in without a plan.  I should have all the backup I'll need.  Soos, do you know what Pacifica likes on her pizza?"

Soos smiled proudly.

Chapter Text

"THE SMELL OF PIZZA HAS SUMMONED ME!" Chutzpar the Manotaur bellowed, beating his chest.

"Chutzpar," Dipper grinned.  "Just the guy I wanted to see.  Remember me?  Dipper the Destructor?"

"I remember," Chutzpar nodded.  "Have you brought me an offering?"

Dipper patted the large steampunk-looking box that he was lugging behind him.  It was emitting enough light to illuminate seemingly the entire forest around them.  "I have two freshly-baked meat lover's pizzas here with your name on them, BUT!  You can only have them if you accept my challenge!"

Chutzpar narrowed his eyes.  "Dipper the Destructor, you know that no Manotaur can back down from a challenge and still call himself a man.  Especially when pizza is at stake.  What must I do?"

"Can you still smell emotional issues?" Dipper asked.  "Somewhere in this forest there's a girl my age who's upset because I didn't realize that she liked me.  I need you to take me to her."

Chutzpar laughed.  "Is that all?  Easy-peasy.  You need to work on your challenges, bro, because that's a pretty weak one."  He tucked the metal box under one arm and crouched down to let Dipper climb onto his back.

Dipper laughed as well.  The Manotaur's enthusiasm was infectious.  "I promise my next challenge for you will be better."

-------------------

Five minutes later, they found Pacifica sitting on a log near the bottom of the Multi-Bear's mountain.

"Is that her?" Chutzpar asked, stopping a hundred feet or so away.

Dipper jumped to the ground.  "Yup, that's her.  Set down the box and I'll get out your reward."

"Can't I just take the box, since it has the pizzas in it?"

"Nope, sorry.  It belongs to my friend Soos.  Just set it down here, gently."  Chutzpar reluctantly obeyed, and Dipper continued.  "This is a one-of-a-kind contraption invented by Fiddleford McGucket.  It keeps pizzas warm during transportation.  But I bet he'd be willing to make one for you if you can make it worth his while.  He's the guy who built the giant robot that we used to fight Bill Cipher."

"Is he the tiny old dude with the righteous beard?"

"That's him.  If you want, I can let him know that you're interested in doing business with him.  Sound good?"

"Sounds AWESOME!" Chutzpar admitted.  Dipper handed him his two pizzas, and he gobbled them both down in one bite.

"You still have more.  I can smell it."

"Look man, I only promised you two.  The other one is for me to share with Pacifica."

"Ah," Chutzpar nodded solemnly.  "A pizza date.  Perhaps the most delicious type of date there is.  I'll leave you to it, Dipper the Destructor."

"Thanks.  And feel free to go tell Leaderaur's tombstone that I said you're better than him!  After all, you survived Weirdmageddon, and he didn't!"

Chutzpar laughed.  "YES!  IN YOUR FACE, LEADERAUR!"

He ran off, and Dipper turned to face Pacifica, who by now had definitely noticed his presence.  She wasn't running away, though, so maybe she was ready to talk.

Dipper took a deep breath and walked over to her, pulling the pizza box behind him.  "Um, hey, Pacifica."

Pacifica gave him a tired and wary look through puffy red eyes surrounded by smeared makeup.  She said nothing.

"I, uh..."  Dipper sighed.  "I'm really sorry."

The reply was instant.  "I don't believe you."

Dipper gave a sheepish chuckle.  "Yeah, I deserved that.  But I am sorry.  I was a total jerk to you earlier, and...  Actually, hang on."  He crouched down, removed the third pizza from its shelf in the box -- a greasy sausage pizza with cheese stuffed in the crust, already cut into eight equal-sized slices, and just cool enough to eat -- and presented it to Pacifica.  "I figured you'd be hungry.  You probably haven't eaten anything since lunch, right?  Soos said that this kind of pizza was your favorite."

Pacifica hesitated, but a particularly loud growl from her stomach made up her mind.  She scarfed down three slices of pizza in record time, then paused to clean her face with some napkins that Dipper offered her from his backpack.

"Thanks," she said, as Dipper took a slice of pizza for himself and sat down next to her on the log.  "I was starfished."

Dipper raised an eyebrow.  "Starfished?  Good word.  Isn't that from one of the Redwall books?"

"Loamhedge, I think.  It's a mash-up of starving and famished."

"Right, right.  So, um, are you feeling okay?  Or better, at least?  Mabel says everything seems better with a full stomach, and that's why she's always snacking."

"I guess I feel a little better.  Still pretty mad at you, still pretty bad about myself.  But not as bad."

"Well that's something.  So, uh, I guess at this point I should probably tell you that I like you back."

"Don't say things you don't mean, Dipper.  Everything about the life I've grown up with is fake.  I thought I could count on you to be real with me."

"You can," Dipper promised, taking furious mental notes.  "My suspicion of you earlier was real, because it's hard for me to believe in things that seem too good to be true.  But I respect and admire you, and I think you're really pretty, and I know you're a good person, and I like the way you smell, and I would really like to have the chance to hug you and trade witty banter with you for hours and maybe even dance with you.  And all of that is real too."

Pacifica leveled Dipper with an intense, searching sort of stare that reminded him of the one he saw in the mirror every morning while checking himself for mind-control eyes.  He couldn't quite keep himself from blushing, but he didn't look away.  Finally she nodded and lowered her gaze.

"Okay," she said.  "Well, that's good.  I'm glad to know I was right about that.  But then what's up with you saying you didn't believe me before?"

Dipper took a deep breath.  "Well, the short version is that nobody's ever really liked me before, so I guess I just started believing that nobody ever would.  I usually got left out of Valentine's Day as a kid.  In fact, aside from Mabel, nobody in my class back home in California has ever even liked me much as a friend.  Until I came to Gravity Falls, the only friends I had were fair-weather ones who dropped me as soon as they found somebody else to hang out with.

"In some ways, coming to Gravity Falls last summer was probably the best thing that's ever happened to me.  I got to solve a bunch of mysteries, and Mabel and I became closer, and I made a whole bunch of great friends, like Soos and Wendy and you.  But I also spent most of the summer pining after Wendy, who I now know was never going to like me back.  And Mabel started teasing me more, especially about the things that make me less, y'know, 'conventionally attractive,' because we were spending more time together, and because Grunkle Stan likes to encourage her while being tough on me.

"And sometimes it wasn't even them trying to tease me.  Like, one time Mabel wrote up a quiz designed to measure how good of a boyfriend I'd make, and Stan got a three out of five, and Soos got a twelve somehow, but my score was so bad that Mabel wouldn't even let me look at it or tell me what it was, she just tried to placate me by saying scores didn't matter and I should just be myself.  Which, I guess that may have been true, but it was still a pretty serious hit to my ego.

"The only girl who's ever liked me before was Candy.  But as much as I like Candy as a friend, her opinion in this regard means nothing, because her taste in boys is even worse than Mabel's.  And her feelings can't have been very serious, because the second I did something uncool she changed her mind and went back to just seeing me as a friend.

"And then when the summer ended I went back to California, where I was even less popular than before.  I guess spending three months covering up Stan's crimes and almost getting killed by extradimensional monsters made me weirder and crazier than ever, because nobody wanted to come near me all year long.  And I guess all of that stuff just sort of combined in my head into this idea that nobody would ever like me in a romantic way -- especially not somebody that I liked, like you."  Dipper cleared his throat, realizing that he'd been talking about himself for a while.  "Does, does that make sense?"

Pacifica bit her lip.  "So, it's not so much that you thought I couldn't possibly like you.  It's more like you thought nobody could possibly like you?"

Dipper nodded.  "Yeah, that's- oof!"

Pacifica threw her arms around him and squeezed him tightly.  "That's awful, Dipper!  I mean, it's kind of a relief for me that you don't think I'm a bad person, but that explanation is way sadder than what I thought you were going to say!"

Dipper blinked and tentatively returned the hug.  "I... I guess it is kind of sad?  Um-"

"As bleak as my life has been sometimes, I've always at least been able to daydream about running away from my parents and finding love.  I can't imagine being without those daydreams.  I mean, I've had doubts about whether I'm a good enough person to date you, or to be friends with Mabel, or to not go to Hell when I die, but I've never felt so terrible and broken that I thought I couldn't find somebody out there to love me if I had the chance!"

There was a lot to unpack there, but Dipper elected to focus on the most immediately important details.  "Wait, did you-"

"Oh my gosh, when I told you I liked you I just yelled it at you and then ran off!"  Pacifica's hug tightened further, almost to the point of causing Dipper pain.  "If I'd been thinking like you were, and then someone had...  Crap!  Dipper, I'm sorry I ran away earlier.  I probably left you feeling like you'd missed your only chance."

Dipper shrugged awkwardly.  This was a pretty new experience for him, and he wasn't quite sure how to respond to it.  "I mean, I still had hope.  I've been forgiven for some pretty crummy things before.  I figured I still had a shot, as long as I apologized just right.  Plus, I was too focused on finding you and making sure you were okay to really dwell much on how I was feeling."

"Okay.  That's good.  Okay."  Pacifica pulled out of the hug, put her hands on Dipper's shoulders, and looked him in the eye.  "You were right, Dipper.  You still have a shot.  Do you want to date me?"

Dipper nodded.  He felt a bit out-of-place with the turn the conversation had taken, but he was at least certain of that much.

"Great.  Awesome.  We're a couple now.  And look, I don't know what happened with Candy, but I'm not going to suddenly stop liking you just because you do something uncool.  Okay?  I already know you're a nerd, and a slob, and an obsessive paranoid nutcase, and a scrawny thirteen-year-old boy who struggles with his masculinity and is really sensitive about it.  I knew all of that before I liked you -- I mean, except for the thirteen-year-old part, obviously, because you were only twelve then -- and it didn't kill my interest then, so it won't now.  You got that?"

Dipper narrowed his eyes.  "I don't struggle with my masculinity."

Pacifica rolled her eyes.  "Okay, fine.  You're the pinnacle of manliness.  But do you get what I'm saying?"

"Yes."

"Good.  And Dipper, we might not like each other forever.  Candy is a psycho -- don't look at me like that, I know she's Mabel's friend but that doesn't mean anything, Gideon is friendly with Mabel too -- and however her crush on you played out is probably not how things normally work.  I spend a lot of time around people, so I've seen a lot of couples, and I know that even the ones who seem to genuinely, like, love each other sometimes break up.  But -- Dipper, look at me.  Look at me, Dipper.  Let me say this, 'cuz I think you might really need to hear it.  If we break up someday -- I'm not saying we will, we're not even in high school yet and we've barely been together for a minute, it's way too early to even start trying to predict the future, I'm just saying if -- I will not be your last chance.  Okay?  Mabel's quiz was wrong.  I don't care how unpopular you are in California or what your idiot sister says -- okay, I'm sorry, what your fun goofball sister says -- I am not the only girl in the world capable of liking you in a romantic way.  It's literally impossible for that to be true.  I need you to know that, okay, because I can not handle the pressure of you thinking I'm the only person you'll ever get to date.  Alright?"

"I guess the girls I met on that road trip last year seemed to like me okay.  And that quiz wouldn't exactly have been the first time that Mabel got something wrong."

Pacifica smiled.  "There, see?  I'm not the only girl who will ever like you.  Just the coolest, richest, and most beautiful."  She tossed her hair in what was probably an act of self-parody.

"How did this conversation turn into you comforting me?" Dipper asked, semi-rhetorically, as he seized the opportunity to stand up and grab another slice of pizza.  "You didn't really need to tell me all that right now.  I mean, none of those things were really bothering me that much-"

Pacifica snorted.  "Yeah, right.  You weren't so convinced of your own lack of appeal or whatever that you assumed I was lying when I told you to your face that I liked you."

"But I mean, it didn't hurt.  I wasn't sad about it.  I'd accepted it, so it was just kind of numb."

"Is that better?"

Dipper opened his mouth to say yes, then stopped himself.  He thought -- really thought -- about his experiences from the past year, about the emotional highs and lows he'd experienced.  "I guess not," he finally answered, and took a bite of pizza.

"Then it's a good thing I'm here to force things through your thick skull," Pacifica said smugly.  "But tell you what:  I'll give you a turn.  You came out here to check on me, right?  Well maybe my afternoon wasn't the best, but now I'm great!  I have an awesome stupid genius loser boyfriend now, and he brought me pizza.  Anything else you think we need to talk about here in the woods before we pack up and head to the Mystery Shack to tell your family the good news?"

"Do you think you're a bad person?  Do you think I think that?"

Pacifica deflated.  "Oh.  Right.  That."

Dipper took another bite of pizza and kept looking at Pacifica expectantly.

"Okay, so I'm trying to be a better person now.  You know that.  When I'm, like, thinking rationally, I know you know that.  I've been working on self-improvement all year.  Working at Greasy's on weekends has been good practice for being nice to people who aren't rich.  Plus, Lazy Susan says I'm really making a difference for her and her customers, since I have better eyesight and a better memory than she does.  At school I haven't been spreading nasty rumors or beating people up just because.  I didn't even retaliate against Candy and Grenda after they gave me a wedgie and stuffed me in my locker on the first day back, because I figured they deserved one free shot after how I used to treat them -- although when they ambushed me in the bathroom a few weeks later, obviously then I had to do something, I'm not a doormat, I can't just let something like that stand, this is Gravity Falls, you have to be on your guard if you want to survive here."

"What did you do?"

"Not important right now.  But anyway, I'm much less of a bully now than I used to be.  Also, I don't know if Soos or Wendy has told you this, but I've been meeting up with them and Gideon and Robbie and Old Man McGucket for, like, a sort of group therapy."

"Soos and Wendy didn't mention it, but McGucket did when I saw him earlier.  Never mind all that, right?"

"Right.  That's also been pretty good.  Gideon is trying to become a better person too, and he's, like, WAY worse than I've ever been, so that gives me hope.  And McGucket is like a mentor for both of us, 'cuz he used to go around in giant robots killing people, but now he's practically a pillar of the community, so he probably knows more about self-improvement than anybody.  And Wendy and Soos give us a pretty good idea of what human decency is supposed to look like, so we have something specific to aim for.  And, um..."

"You said earlier you wanted me to think you were good?"

Pacifica blushed.  "Yeah, okay.  About half of this effort is because I think becoming a nicer person and having relationships that aren't toxic and dealing with my trauma will make my life better and happier.  Maybe two-thirds.  So far, it's working.  The rest... is because I want to impress you."

"That part seems to be working so far, too."

"Thank you.  I just, um...  ugh, fine.  You exposed some of your vulnerabilities earlier, I guess now I have to show you some of mine or whatever."  She took a deep breath.  "You and Mabel seriously changed my life.  I didn't think I could change, or that I wanted to, until you two showed me.  None of the progress I've made in the past year would've been possible without the two of you.

"But especially not without you.  I used to just dismiss Mabel as being weird and dumb and naïve.  I could never do that with you.  You're smart and shrewd and realistic, like me; maybe even more than I am.  And unlike me, you're brave enough to say what you mean, whether it benefits you or not.  Even when I didn't like you, I respected you for that.  Your sister sees the good in everyone, but you see the bad.  She lives in her own little world, but you're right here in this one.  You were the one who insisted on telling me the truth about Nathaniel Northwest, you were the one who told me I was the worst and slammed the door in my face after Mabel had forgiven me.  And I hadn't really done anything to you, so that was just out of sheer loyalty to Mabel.  It made me a little jealous of her, 'cuz I wished I had someone like that in my life.

"But anyway, yeah, because of all that, when you told me I could be better, it... hit home.  It was like, of course Mabel thinks I can be nice, she thinks that food is jewelry and that jewelry is food and that she can make everyone happy at the same time.  But you, you're normal -- in comparison to her, anyway -- and you know more about what's going on in this town than people who have lived here for years, and you trust no one who isn't your sister, and you hold fierce grudges against people for being mean even if they weren't being mean to you, and you have no problem badmouthing my parents to their faces or calling me out for obeying them.  If you say that I can be better, then, like, it has to be true.  Because you definitely wouldn't say so otherwise.

"I've talked with Gideon about this, and he feels the same way.  He said that you never once liked him, never thought he was good for Mabel, never wanted him around.  But he also said that, even after everything he did, even after he literally tried to murder you more than once, you were the one who talked him into turning on Bill so you could rescue Mabel and save the rest of us.  You gave him a chance when he didn't deserve it.  And I'll say this for Gideon, he's a better poet than I am.  He said that facing your judgment -- that's the word he used, judgment -- looking you in the eye and listening to what you had to say about him, was like a trial by fire.  Because it burned and stung and pierced as bad as anything, and he knew in his heart that all of that pain was deserved, because every word you said was true.  But at the end of it, he was somehow miraculously still in one piece, and you rewarded him with another chance to make things right.  And he told me, 'Mabel makes you want to redeem yourself.  Dipper makes you believe it's possible.'"

"Gideon said that about me?  Seriously?"

"Yep.  And even though I'm not anywhere near as obsessed with you and your sister as he is, I agree with him."

"This better not turn into a religion."

"Look, Gideon makes everything sound religious, I can't help that."

"True."

"But yeah, he and I are both kinda doing the same thing right now.  We don't just want to be good, because honestly that's pretty vague.  We want you to think we're good.  You and Mabel both, but especially you.  We have a lot of good reasons for palling around with Wendy and Soos and McGucket, but one of the big ones is this idea that they're in, like, the inner circle.  They're people you like and trust.  So if we try to be like them, then maybe you'll see the same things in us that you see in them, and you'll like us too."

"I'm not gonna lie Pacifica, that's kind of creepy."

Pacifica looked down.  "Right.  Sorry."

"But I mean, I think I understand.  It would be less creepy if you didn't compare yourself to Gideon so much.  I mean, I don't think of you two in the same way, like, at all.  Maybe you're both trying to get me and Mabel to like you, but Gideon has years of work ahead of him if ever wants me to trust him.  I probably wouldn't have given him a chance if I hadn't been so desperate at the time, and I'm still not sure he won't try to kill me again.  But you, I mean, I think we've established by now how much I like you."

"I could stand to hear it again," Pacifica said, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Okay, fine.  You're beautiful and charming and a good person and I'd trust you with my life and I'll hug you as much as you want, any time you ask."

"How about now?"

Dipper hugged her.  "I'm guessing your parents didn't do this enough?"

"Try never."

"You know, Mabel gives pretty good hugs too."

"Yeah, but she's louder and stickier."

"Fair enough.  Anything else you want to get off your chest before we head home?"

"I really want you to keep believing in me.  That's why I got so upset when you said you didn't believe I really liked you.  It felt like you were saying 'You're lying!  You're still a dirty liar like your parents!  I knew it!  I knew you'd never really change!  You're too mean and nasty to have actual feelings for someone good like me!'"

"That's literally the worst impression of me I've ever heard anyone do."

"Look, Pines, I can do a lot of things, but I never claimed to be good at impressions."

"Fair enough.  Is that it?"

"Yeah, that's it.  Let's get out of this forest."

"You mind giving me a hand with this big metal box?  I promise it's lighter than it looks."

"Sure thing."

Chapter Text

As soon as Dipper and Pacifica got close enough to the Mystery Shack to be visible from the front window, Mabel burst out of the door and ran over to them.  "You're doing manual labor together!  Does this mean you're officially a couple now?"

"Yes, Mabel," the two said in unison.

"YAAAY!!" Mabel cried, as she began running around the increasingly-awkward pair in circles flapping her arms.  "ANOTHER VICTORY FOR LOVE!!  WOOHOO!!  I KNEW IT!!"  She finally screeched to a halt to stand in front of them, a broad smile on her face.  "I hope you're ready to tell us all about it!"

"Mabel, can we get this thing inside first?" Dipper asked.

"Okay, but no more stalling after that."  She zipped inside, and Dipper and Pacifica followed.  They dropped the pizza box off in its place and then, hand in hand, they joined Mabel, Soos, Stan, Ford, Melody, and Abuelita in the living room.

"Are you sure I need to be here?" Ford asked Mabel.  "This doesn't seem like something that really needs a large audience, and it's not as if I have any relevant experience."

"Yes," Mabel said.  "Okay, you two lovebirds!  What happened out there in the woods?  Give us all the juicy details."

"Um..." Dipper began.

Pacifica interrupted.  "I was sulking because earlier I told Dipper that I liked him and he said he didn't believe me."  Soos and Melody gasped.  "So he came to make up for that by bringing me pizza and telling me that he liked me back.  And it worked, I forgave him.  And we both talked a little bit about our respective emotional issues, and I explained to Dipper why he's the best, and we hugged a couple of times and agreed that we both wanted to date each other.  The end."

There was one precious, all-too-brief second of silence.  Then Mabel and Stan both shouted "What?!  That's it?!" while Soos and Melody began clapping.  After a short delay, Ford started clapping as well, but stopped when they stopped.

"That's all you're getting," Pacifica replied.  "Most of it was really serious discussion of our private thoughts and feelings, and you aren't entitled to that.  The only part you'd be interested in anyway is the part where I asked Dipper to hug me and he did."

"So you didn't kiss?" Mabel said, shocked and saddened.

"Considering how my first kiss went, I'm not in any hurry to repeat the experience," Dipper put in.

"Wait, how did your first kiss go?" Pacifica asked.  "No offense, but I kinda assumed you wouldn't have had one yet."

"I really, really don't want to talk about it."

"Got it.  We don't have to, then."

"You kids are boring," Stan complained.  "I'm gonna go do something else."  He got up and left the room.  Abuelita followed, saying "This is not soap opera material."

"It sounds to me like this evening was a resounding success," Ford said.  "Congratulations.  I'm very proud of you both, and I hope you make each other very happy."

That drew a smile from both Dipper and Pacifica.  "Thanks, Great-Uncle Ford," Dipper said.  "That means a lot."

"Of course," Ford replied.  Then he turned to Mabel.  "Now may I leave too?"

Mabel sighed.  "Have you looked at my sculpture already?"  Ford nodded.  "Then go ahead."

As Ford walked out, Mabel asked, "So Pacifica, will you at least tell me why you like my brother?"

"Oh yeah," Pacifica said.  "That reminds me:  I got a bone to pick with you, Mabel."  She put the hand that wasn't holding Dipper's on her hip and glared at the other girl.

"Huh?"

"How dare you make Dipper think he's not attractive?  This entire incident was your fault, because if it weren't for your constant teasing and your stupid quiz, he would've believed me the first time and I wouldn't have spent five hours crying in the woods!"

Soos chuckled.  "She's got you there, hambone."

"I mean," Dipper interjected.  "It's not all Mabel's fault.  There are a lot of other people who also contributed to making me feel that way.  Including you, Soos.  And I think I should probably take some personal responsibility for what I said?"

"Not right now, honey," Pacifica replied.  "Right now I just want to be mad at your sister on your behalf."

"'Honey'?" Dipper repeated, raising an eyebrow.  "Are we doing pet names now?"

Pacifica flushed slightly but didn't stop glaring at Mabel.  "I wanted to try one out.  Do you not like it?"

"It's fine, I guess, it just caught me by surprise."

"You two are adorable together!" Mabel gushed.  "But Pacifica, are you saying you actually think Dipper's attractive?"

"Yes!" Pacifica growled.  "Because different people have different tastes, Mabel!"

"But I mean, look at him!" Mabel cried, gesturing at Dipper, who gave her an unimpressed look.

"I know what he looks like!  Just because he's not boy band material doesn't mean he's not cute in his own way!  And personality is more important anyway!  Chasing looks without considering anything else is how you end up in a relationship with somebody like Gabe Bensen!"

Mabel flinched.

Pacifica noticed.  "Oh my God, Mabel, don't tell me you actually tried to date Gabe Bensen?"

"I...  Sh-shut up!"

"Dipper," Pacifica asked.  "What happened?"

"We met him at the library last summer," Dipper answered.  "Mabel immediately decided she needed to impress him, so she produced and performed a big sock puppet rock opera.  Great music, great special effects, but terrible on-the-nose writing that made it super clear she was basically throwing herself at the guy.  But she ended up needing to blow up the whole thing to rescue me from a demon possession situation, and he walked off in a huff.  Haven't seen him since."

"You're really lucky, Mabel," Pacifica said seriously.  "Gabe is a total creep.  He doesn't care about anything except his puppets, and he'll only date girls he thinks he can control.  My friend Tiffany dated him for about an hour until he decided she didn't love puppets enough and dumped her.  She was a total mess for over a week afterwards."

"We saw him make out with his own hands," Dipper recalled.

"I've seen him do worse.  Mabel, if it took you longer than five minutes of talking to Gabe to realize he's no good, then you don't get to judge my taste in boys."

"I- I wasn't trying to judge," Mabel mumbled, rubbing her arm and looking downward.  "I just wanted to understand.  Nobody's ever liked Dipper before except Candy, and she-"

"-also liked Gabe, which makes her judgment suspect," Pacifica finished.

"...yeah," Mabel admitted.  "I love Candy, but sometimes I worry about her a little."

"I don't blame you," said Pacifica.  "Look, Mabel, if you really wanna do girl talk with me I'm open to it, but not in front of witnesses, okay?  There's a reason that kinda stuff mostly happens behind closed doors."

"...okay, sorry.  And Dipper, I'm sorry I made you feel undesirable.  That was never what I meant to happen."

"It's okay, Mabel."

"Do... you guys wanna see my new sculpture?" Mabel asked hopefully.  "And maybe chat a bit with Larry King's Disembodied Wax Head?"

"Yeah, sure," Pacifica conceded.

"Absolutely!" Dipper agreed.

Chapter Text

"Roll up!" Greggy C and Chubby Z sang, as Melody ushered Soos and the kids into the display room with a charming bow.  "Roll up for the mystery tour!"

Pacifica wasted no time in trying to bust Mabel's chops.  "Wow Mabel, you have two members of Sev'ral Timez here-"

"Ex-members, girl!" Chubby Z piped up, dropping the proprietary song entirely in order to correct this grievous misconception.  "We're our own boyz now!  2014!"  Greggy C nodded in agreement.

"Right," Pacifica nodded at the two former stars in acknowledgment.  "You have two ex-members of Sev'ral Timez here and you want us to chat with Wax Larry King?"

"Hey!  I happen to be a great conversationalist!"  Larry King's Disembodied Wax Head -- or, as he preferred to be known these days, simply "King" -- sat on a small rounded table nearby.  His inclusion as an attraction was one of the first changes that Soos had implemented upon taking up Stan's former role as Mr. Mystery, along with building a fence around the Bottomless Pit.  (They'd hit it off somewhat during Weirdmageddon, and it wasn't like King had anything better to do.)

Mabel merely waved a hand, unbothered.  "We can all chat!  Nobody gets excluded at a Mabel Party!"

Pacifica shot a brief questioning glance at Dipper, who nodded solemnly.

"But first," Mabel said, "Prepare yourselves for the tastiest, most deliciously aromatic artistic masterpiece you've ever lain your eyes on!  Melody, if you would?"

Melody grasped the glittery curtain concealing Mabel's statue where it sat in the corner.  "Presenting," she said dramatically.  "Mabel's Waffle!"

She pulled the curtain aside, revealing the statue in all its glory:  a five-foot-tall rainbow-colored waffle with two beefy arms and a face that looked just as high as Mabel had probably been while shaping it.  Everyone clapped politely.

"Thank you, thank you," Mabel said.  "I hope you all like it."

"It's certainly something," Dipper said tactfully.

"Anybody want to taste it?" Mabel asked hopefully.  Nobody did (aside from Soos, who already had).

"Where did this curtain come from?" Dipper asked, hoping that changing the subject would get him out of having to listen to yet another extended argument about the hygienics of licking a clay sculpture covered in vaguely-food-scented paint and glue that Mabel had probably licked dozens of times during its creation.

"Oh, that was Gideon's idea," Soos answered.  "He said that we could make a bigger spectacle out of some of our attractions if we had a glittery curtain to hide them with before revealing them.  It creates more mystery than just draping a sheet over the thing like Stan used to do."

Dipper was surprised.  "Wait, Gideon?"

"Yup.  He also made the curtain himself by repurposing some of the supplies from his old show."

"He did a good job," Mabel commented.  "It looks brand-new."

"But why is Gideon giving you ideas in the first place?" Dipper wondered suspiciously.

"He works for us," Melody replied.  "Like, as a consultant or something.  Soos, did you not mention that to them?"

"Oops," Soos said, chuckling sheepishly.  "I guess I forgot.  Sorry, dudes."

"Why is Gideon working for you as a consultant?"  Dipper was starting to get worked up, now.  Pacifica took his hand again to see if that would help, but apparently he was too focused on the mystery at hand to notice.

Melody brought her head down to Dipper's level to address him.  "Look, Dipper, I know you don't really like Gideon-"

"He tried to kill me!" Dipper stressed.  "Repeatedly!  Like, on at least five different occasions!"

Melody took a deep breath.  "Yeah, I try not to think too much about the things on his rap sheet, because it really does seem like he's turned over a new leaf, and because I want to be able to sleep at night.  But Dipper, the fact is that we need him."

Dipper dropped Pacifica's hand so he could cross his arms skeptically.  "Really?"

"Yes," Melody said seriously.  "Do you have any idea how much money this business had in reserve when I came here last October?"

Dipper looked at Mabel, then at Pacifica.  Both looked just as lost as him.  "How much?"

Melody shook her head.  "Barely anything.  Apparently most of what Stan had got used up over the summer because the Shack kept getting trashed and needing repairs.  We had nowhere NEAR enough to cover all of the construction that Soos wanted to do to expand this place.  He wanted you guys and your grunkles to be able to come back here any time, and stay for any length of time.  He also needed to house himself, and me, and Abuelita, and all of Abuelita's old stuff that she refuses to throw out.  And that's on top of still needing to have enough indoor attractions to run a successful tourist trap -- we can't just rely on outdoor stuff like the Bottomless Pit, it gets way too cold here in the winter for that.  We needed to build an entire extra wing of the house to accommodate everything."

"So you needed money," Dipper said.

"Yes," Melody continued.  "And the busy part of the year was already over, so we had no hope of making enough from customers to cover our expenses.  We would've gone bankrupt by Christmas if it hadn't been for a HUGE donation from Old Man McGucket."

Mabel smiled.  "That was nice of him!"

Melody nodded.  "Yes, it was.  We installed that plaque as thanks."  She gestured to a shiny metal plaque on the wall that read This structure was financed by Fiddleford Hadron McGucket:  genius, philanthropist, father, and friend.  He may forget, but he will not be forgotten and featured an intricate engraved depiction of the man himself.

"Mr. McG is the BOMB, yo!" Greggy C mentioned.  "He saved our lives when the trees tried to eat us, and now he lets us bunk in his sweet crib on the hill!"

"It has so many rooms!" Chubby Z threw in.  "And none of them are cages!  He says we can come and go any time we want!"

"I'm still not seeing where Gideon comes into all of this," Dipper pointed out.

"She's getting there, dude," Soos replied.

"Right, I am.  That donation covered all of the construction, and almost all of our other expenses through the end of May.  But it only solved the immediate problem, not the long-term one."

"Which is what?" Dipper asked, raising an eyebrow.

"That Soos and I aren't qualified to run a complex business like this on our own," Melody stated frankly.

"What?!" Mabel burst out.  "No way!  You guys are amazing!  You can totally handle anything!"

"Aw, thanks hambone," Soos said less-than-happily.  "But do you remember when you had to run the Shack for 72 hours?"

Mabel deflated slightly.  "Yeah.  That was tough."

"Do you remember how I did barely anything helpful that entire time?" Soos added.

"You were Questiony the Question Mark!"

Soos shook his head.  "I scared a bunch of customers.  One woman got so frightened that she pepper-sprayed me.  Then I got lost in the woods when you sent me on break, and when I finally found my way back I almost quit to go live in the wild full-time because I wanted to escape the stressful position I'd put myself in.  My idea was a total failure until Dipper came up with a different way to sell it that I never would've thought of."

"You two were there when Soos and I first met, right?" Melody asked.  Dipper and Mabel nodded.  "So you know that the first thing we connected over was the fact that we both struggle with adult life.  I was fired from four consecutive jobs because the managers thought I was irresponsible and unreliable.  I kept showing up late and forgetting to do things.  This is the only job I've managed to keep for more than six months, and that's mostly because I'm dating my boss!  Which is a whole other thing that I'm not gonna get into right now.

"You should know Soos well enough by now to know that he doesn't perform well under pressure."  Soos nodded sagely.  Melody continued.  "Being in charge of a small business is a lot of pressure.  There are so many things to keep track of, you have no idea.  You only ran the Shack for three days, so you only had to deal with the most immediate problems.  Soos has to deal with all of the problems, and it's so much.  I'm right there to help him, of course, but the truth is I'm not much better.  We aren't smart, guys, you need to understand that.  I flunked out of college, and the debt from the loans I took out keeps rising ridiculously fast because I keep missing payments because I'm bad with money.  Soos doesn't even have a high-school diploma, because he dropped out with the understanding that he'd spend the rest of his life as Stan's handyman.

"Neither of us are good with money, or math, or business, or legal matters, or unhappy customers, or long-term planning.  I have zero experience in showbusiness and tourism; all of my previous jobs were in retail, childcare, or the food industry.  Soos picked up some things from watching Stan, but not enough to be Stan.  So much of Stan's success came from quick thinking and ruthless pragmatism, and those aren't really things that can be taught.  Maybe the second one, I guess, but Stan cared about Soos too much to teach him very much of that.

"Bottom line, we aren't equipped to run a business.  So unless we wanted the Mystery Shack to go belly-up, we were stuck with two options:  either getting McGucket to pay for all of our expenses indefinitely, which was and is obviously WAY too much to ask of him, or hiring someone who can supply the brains and skills that we don't have."

"So you needed advice, and lots of it," Dipper concluded.  Melody and Soos nodded.  "But why Gideon?  You could have called up Stan and Ford, or even me and Mabel-"

"Would you guys have wanted to spend several hours every week discussing financial and legal documents and the minutiae of how to squeeze money out of tourists?" Melody asked.

"Well, no," Dipper admitted.  "But I still would've done it if you'd asked."

"Me too," Mabel agreed.

"I know you would've, dudes," Soos said.  "You're awesome like that.  But it wouldn't have been fair of us to ask you.  And it would've been pretty tricky for you to make informed decisions about the Shack without being able to be here in person.  Stan and Ford had the same problems, plus being harder to get in contact with way out in the ocean."

"What about McGucket?" Dipper suggested.  "He's smart."

"Oh he's smart alright," Melody acknowledged.  "But he still has days where he doesn't know his own name or why he's waking up in a mansion instead of the town dump.  Days where he thinks it's okay to marry raccoons and eat people.  He can't help us with this.  And even if he could, I wouldn't feel right about pulling him out of retirement after everything he's been through."

"Abuelita?" Dipper tried.

Soos shook his head.  "She doesn't want to.  She contributes to the business by keeping the place clean and baking treats, and I won't ask her for more."

"Surely there's someone else!" Dipper insisted.

"Nobody who's better suited for the job than he is," Melody answered.

Dipper scoffed.

"No, really.  Dipper, do you know what people say about Gravity Falls in other parts of Oregon?"

Dipper blinked.  "Uh, no.  What?"

"I've heard people call this place 'the train wreck of Oregon.'  I've heard people say they wouldn't come here for a million dollars, because they're scared if they even visit they'll get infected by this place's lunacy and wind up losing everything.

"And look," Melody went on.  "I know you guys love it here, and I do too, honestly, I do, and I feel really bad about saying this, because it sounds so mean, but... now that I've lived here for about a year's worth of time, I can kinda see where some of those stereotypes came from.  There are a lot of really interesting, really nice people here, but there are not a lot of smart ones.  And I know that's not their fault!  Soos has explained about the Society of the Blind Eye, and how they gave the entire population brain damage.  And according to Ford, even before that there was some kind of magical property about this town that attracted oddballs who couldn't fit in anywhere else.  But the fact remains that -- for the first time in my life -- I'm living in a place where most people are less intelligent than me instead of more.

"I'm not asking you to like Gideon.  I wouldn't expect you to, after your experiences with him.  But please try to understand:  he's an actual genius in a town full of morons.  He's just as smart as you are, Dipper.  And he has expertise in exactly the areas we need.  He's good at math.  He's good with words.  He has a mind like a steel trap, and hardly ever seems to forget anything.  He can bring together many scattered bits of information to form complex plans.  He functions just fine under pressure, and he isn't afraid to stand up to customers who are being unreasonable.  He has a surprising amount of knowledge about accounting and business management, and anything he doesn't know in those areas he can find out from his dad.  He's an experienced performer with a lot of charisma, he can improvise when things don't go as planned, and he's even better at finding ways to appeal to people than Stan is.  And on top of all that, he also knows more than most about the secrets of this town, so he can help us get ahold of all sorts of cool magical attractions.  We've made so much more money this year following his advice than we would have otherwise.

"And there's one other big point in his favor."

"What's that?" Mabel asked, finally beating Dipper to the punch.

"His availability," Melody responded.   "Everyone else in this town who has a lick of business sense is already running their own business and is therefore too busy to help us.  All he has is schoolwork, most of which is trivially easy for him.  And he charges WAY less for his services than anyone else would in his position, because he has non-money reasons for wanting the job."

"What, so he can eventually take control of the Shack again?" Dipper guessed.

"So he can rehabilitate his reputation," Melody corrected.  "His name was mud at the end of last summer.  He was one of the most hated and distrusted people in town, along with Preston Northwest and Jeff the gnome.  But Soos is a local folk hero, and the Mystery Shack is practically synonymous with heroism after everything you guys did to help people last summer.  Working here gives him the chance to give back to the community in a way that people will see and recognize, so he can prove to everyone that he's changed."

"Has he changed?" Mabel asked.

Melody looked to Soos.  "I think so," Soos said.  "He's still kinda evil sometimes, but he does a lot more good stuff and a lot less evil stuff than he used to.  Being his employer and also part of a therapy group with him lets me monitor his progress pretty closel-"

Mabel gasped.  "You and Gideon are part of a therapy group together?!"

"You forgot to tell them that too?" Melody asked wryly.

Soos chuckled.  "Yeah, I guess I did."

"Who else is in it?!" Mabel asked, jumping up and down.

"Wendy, Robbie, Old Man McGucket, and Pacifica," Soos answered.

Mabel gasped again.  "PACIFICA?!"

Chapter Text

Pacifica had stepped out into the next room at some point during the conversation in order to privately scroll through the phone messages that she'd missed in the last six hours, but she poked her head back in at the sound of her name.  "Huh?  What about me?"

"You didn't tell me you were in a therapy group with Soos and Wendy!" Mabel said gleefully.

"Oh," Pacifica said, in a strange combination of realization and confusion.  She shrugged.  "I guess it just never came up."

"Is it, like, official therapy with an actual licensed therapist, or just-?"

Pacifica shook her head.  "It's just the six of us talking about our feelings.  McGucket offered to hire an actual licensed therapist, but the rest of us decided that keeping things low-key and mostly secret was more important than actually knowing what we were doing.  Speaking of which," she added.  "Please don't spread that around.  The more people know, the more likely it'll get back to my parents, and I really don't want that."

Mabel nodded.  "Your secret is safe with me."

"Thanks."  Then Pacifica changed the subject, turning to Dipper.  "Hey Dipper, I got a whole bunch of texts from my parents about how 'that horrible dirty Pines boy' broke into our house while hunting after me and assaulted and robbed them, and how I'd better not be associating with him.  You know anything about that?"

"Oh yeah, that's right," Dipper remembered.  "I forgot to tell you.  Earlier when I was trying to find you so we could talk, I stopped by your house to check if you were there.  But as soon as I walked in, your dad freaked out and pulled a gun on me."

"He what," Pacifica said calmly.

"It's fine," Dipper said dismissively.  "It wasn't loaded.  I subdued him easily enough, and once your butler told me that you weren't there, I grabbed the gun and an ugly decorative sculpture and hightailed it out of there."

"Hang on," Pacifica said.  "You're joking, right?  Please tell me you're joking."  Her face suddenly looked like a swirling storm of emotions, and Dipper was suddenly having trouble looking directly at it.

"Um..." Dipper replied.  "Not... really?  No, I'm not, sorry."

Melody startled as she realized where this conversation was probably going, and started quietly shooing Greggy C and Chubby Z out of the room.

Pacifica took a deep breath, and then spoke decisively.  "Okay, Dipper, you're getting a bulletproof vest for your next birthday.  It might arrive a month or two early.  Fuck it, you know what, Mabel, you're getting one too."

Mabel pumped her fist.

"Hell," Pacifica continued, visibly struggling to contain the anger and stress that had just sprung up within her.  "Maybe I'll get one for everybody in Gravity Falls!  Also, as soon as I'm old enough to be legally emancipated, my dad is going to have a very nasty accident.  Now, did he do anything else?"

"Uh," Dipper said, a trifle nervously.  "He crushed the flowers I was gonna bring you...?  Not on purpose, though."

Pacifica nodded.  "Right.  I'll make sure it's an excruciatingly painful accident."

"Can I help?" Mabel asked excitedly.

Pacifica gave her a tight smile.  "Absolutely.  We'll get Wendy in on it too, I bet she'd want to be part of this.  Maybe she'll bring her friends along.  If not, I guess it'll be like a girls' night out or something."

"Pacifica," Dipper reiterated, grabbing the girl's hands.  "It's okay.  The gun wasn't loaded, and your dad is a total wimp in hand-to-hand combat.  I was perfectly safe."

"What if it had been, Dipper?!" Pacifica shot back, losing her cool.

"What?" Dipper asked, taken aback.

"What if it had been loaded?!  Would you have been safe then?!"  Tears had started to form in Pacifica's eyes.

"I..." Dipper trailed off and looked down.

"My dad is already crazy enough to have an assault rifle mounted on the wall of our foyer.  If he was a little bit crazier, it might have been a loaded assault rifle, and then you'd probably be dead right now."  Pacifica sniffed.  "Can you imagine how I would've felt if that happened?  You're my favorite person in the world, and I called you a jerk and ran away just because I thought you didn't feel the same way as me, and then my own dad murders you while you're trying to find me?  How do you think I would've felt about that when I found out?"

"Uh... not very good?" Dipper tried lamely.

Pacifica smacked him on the shoulder.

"Ow."

"VERY not very good!  And that's not even getting into how the rest of your friends and family would've taken it!"

"Do you want a hug?" Dipper asked.

"YES!" Pacifica said fiercely.

Dipper wrapped his arms around Pacifica and they just stood there holding each other for a minute.

"This is serious, Dipper," Pacifica said.  "Don't you dare take it lightly."

"Alright," Dipper answered.  "I won't.  But we can't just go around assassinating everyone who tried to kill me once.  I have friends on that list.  Soos has employees on that list."

"I'm not saying we should do that," Pacifica replied.  "This is Gravity Falls, after all.  Stuff happens.  But this is different.  This is my own father picking up a lethal weapon to attack you with just because you entered the room."

"So, wait, are you really serious about killing him?"

Pacifica thought about that for a second, and then sighed.  "No, I guess not.  At least not yet.  But Dipper," she pulled halfway out of the hug so she could take hold of her boyfriend's face and look him in the eye.  "You're going to live to see your eighteenth birthday.  I don't care what I have to buy or how many shithead fathers I have to kill to make it happen.  You got that?"

Dipper gave a lopsided smile.  "Loud and clear.  Thanks, Pacifica."

"Don't mention it," she said, hugging him close again.

They stood there for a couple more minutes, until Dipper broke the silence.  "Is, um, is that enough hugging?"

"For now," Pacifica conceded, letting go and wiping her eyes.  Then she shot an annoyed look at Mabel, who had been recording the entire exchange on her phone.  "Really?"

"I never miss a scrapbookortunity," Mabel said proudly.

"How would you even put that in a scrapbook?"

Mabel smirked.  "I have my ways."

Pacifica rolled her eyes.  "Whatever.  Are you guys up for a sleepover?"

"Yes!  Always!" Mabel replied.

Both girls looked to Dipper.  "Yeah, sure, that's fine with me."

"Cool," Pacifica said.  She turned around and started texting.  "I'll have Joan bring me an overnight bag, and I'll get my friend Glory to say I was over at her house."

"And then we can play Never Have I Ever!" Mabel added brightly.

"Finally," said Wax Larry King, making everyone jump.  "Something I can actually participate in!"

Chapter Text

Pacifica was waiting outside when Joan pulled up to the Mystery Shack in one of her family's three remaining limos.

"Good evening, Miss Northwest," Joan said, getting out of the car.

The Northwests had downsized a lot since the start of last summer in terms of the staff they employed.  Where once Pacifica had had over a dozen servants whose jobs involved catering solely to her (including Sergei, she thought guiltily, may he rest in peace), now she had Joan.  Officially, she was Pacifica's personal assistant.  Unofficially, she functioned as a chauffer, tutor, confidant, bodyguard, and counterespionage agent, among other things.  She was a bit overworked, to be sure, but Pacifica's parents -- who still wanted their daughter to be looked after without having to do it themselves -- made sure she was well-compensated for it; by the time Pacifica turned eighteen, she'd have made enough money to buy a house (even taking into account what would probably happen to the housing market in the intervening four-and-a-bit years).

"Hi Joan," Pacifica said.  "Did you get everything?"

"Yes ma'am," Joan affirmed, pulling Pacifica's best pink backpack out of the vehicle and handing it to the girl.  "Pajamas, toiletries, an extra change of clothes, your phone charger, makeup kit, feminine products -- I grabbed everything I've ever needed at a sleepover that would fit in the bag.  You should be all set for the night."

"And you told my parents I'm staying at Glory's place?"

"Yep.  Unless some malicious third party saw you come here and decided to ruin things, your secret should be totally safe."

Pacifica clutched the backpack to her chest gratefully.  "Thank you, Joan.  Really.  Thank you."

"Hey," Joan winked at her.  "I'm just looking out for my favorite boss."

"I'm your only boss," Pacifica pointed out with a chuckle.

"All the more reason for me to be protective," Joan replied, with an unusual amount of cheer for someone running errands at this time of night.  "I gotta keep you safe and happy if I want my money to keep flowing."

Then she looked around her before leaning down to Pacifica's level.  "So how's things with You-Know-Who?" she whispered.

Pacifica blushed slightly.  "We're dating now."  A huge, luminous smile grew across her face as the reality of the situation began to hit her.  "Oh my gosh, Joan, I'm dating Dipper Pines!"

"Hey, congratulations!" Joan said encouragingly.  "I knew not even the town hero would be able to resist you."

"Yeah, I guess you were right," Pacifica replied.  "Although he did think I was lying at first, because apparently he's even more insecure than I am, so that was a whole thing.  But it's all good now."

"Glad to hear it."  Joan straightened back up.  "Now, are you ready to go back in there and have the best night of your life so far?"

"Yes!"

"Then go!"

Pacifica turned and ran back up the steps onto the porch, then stopped and turned back.  "Wait, Joan," she said.  "Before I forget, earlier Dipper stopped by the house, and Dad immediately grabbed a gun to try and shoot him.  See if you can do anything to help prevent something worse from happening?"

Joan nodded.  "No promises, but I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks," Pacifica said, before reentering the house.

-----------------------------------------

Pacifica rejoined the twins in the display room, along with Soos, Melody, Greggy C, Chubby Z, and Wax Larry King, all of whom were sitting in a rough circle.

They'd agreed to play Never Have I Ever according to Mabel Rules:  everyone had a large glass of Mabel Juice, and each of them had to take a sip anytime they'd done the thing which the asker hadn't.  (They were not required to drink the plastic dinosaurs floating in the juice, thanks to Dipper's expert negotiating.)

Pacifica, being the last one to join the circle, plopped herself down in the spot that Dipper had saved for her between him and Soos, closer to Dipper than was strictly necessary.  Now that everything had been taken care of, she simply let herself relish this moment:  the feeling of being able to just plop herself down without needing to worry about being ladylike.  The knowledge that the hero who had changed her life for the better was now her boyfriend, and that he was here, right next to her, and she liked him very much, and that for the first time in her life she had the chance to be openly, genuinely affectionate towards someone she really liked without consequence.  She could place her hand over his right now with no doubt that the touch would be welcome, and she could lean her head on his shoulder in front of a group of people with no fear that any of them would think less of her for it, or would try to take advantage of this moment of vulnerability.  She did so, and sure enough, nothing bad happened.  Here and now, she was free from her parents' expectations, and safe from their abuse, and she relished that freedom and safety.  She relished the feeling of Dipper's skin turning warm against her cheek, knowing that such a reaction signified nothing more or less than that he was fond of her in a way that belonged to the same breed as her fondness for him (and that, now that he'd fully wound down from the excitement of having a mission to accomplish, he was once again ripe for embarrassment).

Mabel clapped her hands.  "I'll start!" she proclaimed, and as usual, no one had the will to oppose her.  "Never have I ever... broken a bone!"

Dipper, Soos, and Chubby Z all took a sip of their Mabel Juice.  Melody looked conflicted.  "Does it count if it was only sprained?"

Mabel decreed that it did not, so Melody set her glass back down.

Satisfied, Mabel turned to Chubby Z on her left.  "Now it's your turn, Chubby Z.  We'll go clockwise."

"Sure thing, Mabel dawg," Chubby Z agreed.  "Never have I ever, uh... kissed a dude, yo!"

Mabel, Pacifica, Melody, Soos, and Greggy C each took a sip.  Dipper very pointedly did not.

"C'mon, Dipper," Mabel said, clearly enjoying herself.  "Take a sip!"

Dipper crossed his arms and looked down, refusing to meet anyone's eyes.  "No."

"But you've kissed a boy!"

"No I haven't!" he rebutted grumpily.

Pacifica tried to make eye contact with Dipper, but he wasn't having it.  "Who's this boy you've kissed?" she asked, fighting back an irrational twinge of real jealousy and masking it with playful jealousy.  "Should I be worried?"

"It wasn't a kiss!" Dipper insisted.  "It was CPR!  CPR doesn't count!"

"You know CPR?" Pacifica and Melody asked simultaneously, both equally surprised.

"Yeah," Dipper said.  "I had to learn it last summer to get a job as an assistant lifeguard."

"It was actually Reverse CPR," Mabel told everyone.

"Elaborate on that," Wax Larry King requested, ignoring Dipper's angry cries of "No! Don't!"  "What do you mean, Reverse CPR?"

"It was a handsome merman named Mermando," Mabel explained.  "He was my first kiss too, by the way.  And because he was a merman, he needed water, so instead of blowing air into his lungs like you would do to give mouth-to-mouth to a human, Dipper had to spit water into his mouth."

"Fascinating," Wax Larry King commented.  Pacifica filed the information away for potential use in fantasies later.

"That sounds really inefficient," Melody said.  "And gross."

"It was," Dipper moaned.  "It was one of the worst experiences of my life."

"Worse than getting beat up by Rumble McSkirmish?" Soos asked.

"Oh, definitely.  Way worse."

"Worse than being turned into wood?" Pacifica tried.

Dipper thought about that for a solid second.  "Yes."

"Is that why you said earlier you didn't want to talk about your first kiss?" Pacifica asked.

Dipper hesitated, which told everyone all they needed to know.  "Yeah, that was it."

"Ha!" Mabel exclaimed.  "That means it counts!"

Dipper groaned, but took a sip of his Mabel Juice.  Then he pointed at Mabel.  "You promised you wouldn't tell anyone about that, Mabel!"

"I just said I wouldn't use the pictures as blackmail," Mabel corrected.

"There are pictures!?" Pacifica asked eagerly.  Dipper shot her a betrayed look.

Mabel shook her head.  "Not anymore.  I deleted them because I realized that holding photos like that over Dipper's head is too mean of a thing to do to a brother as great as he is."

"Aww," everyone said.

"Yes, yes, our sibling relationship is very wholesome and sweet.  Shame that Mabel's sisterly concern doesn't extend to not sharing the story with people," Dipper complained.  But then Pacifica snatched Dipper's ushanka off his head, put it on her own head, and started playing with his hair, and evidently this was enough to get him to let the issue go so that Melody could take her turn.

"Never have I ever..." Melody began.  She thought for a moment, then giggled sheepishly.  "Sorry, I haven't played this game in a while."  She thought a moment longer, then said "Never have I ever smoked weed."

This time, Mabel and Wax Larry King were the only ones to take a sip.  Wax Larry King needed Greggy C to hold his glass to his mouth so he could do so.

"When did you smoke weed?" Soos asked, looking at Wax Larry King in confusion.

"It was years ago," King replied.  "Back when I had a body.  Before I and the other cursed wax figures were stolen by Stan.  Some idiot left a whole bag of cannabis lying around near where we were kept.  I had to fight Wax Coolio and Wax Queen Elizabeth II to get any before Wax Sherlock Holmes grabbed the whole bag for himself."  He shook his head.  "That guy could never share his drugs."

"I got some weed off a kid at school once in exchange for drawing him a Caticature," Mabel volunteered.  "I tried to get Dipper to try it too, but he wasn't interested."

"I told you," Dipper said.  "I won't do anything that interferes with my brain."

"You tried alcohol that time I broke into Mom and Dad's liquor cabinet," Mabel pointed out.

"Only a little," Dipper replied.  "Just enough to confirm that it tasted bad, not enough to get drunk."

Next it was Soos's turn.  He scratched his head.  "Never have I ever, um, been to Europe?  Is that a good one?"

Unsurprisingly, Pacifica was the only one to take a sip for that one.  Then it was her turn.  "Never have I ever saved the world," she said.

Dipper, Mabel, and Soos looked to each other, and then to her.  "Technically, none of us have saved the world," Dipper said.  "We just saved Gravity Falls."

"Oh," Pacifica said.  "Right."  She went back to playing with Dipper's hair, which (to her amusement) made it visibly more difficult for him to think of something for his turn.  When something did come to him, though, it was a doozy:

"Never have I ever, uh, eaten human flesh?"

(Or at least, Pacifica and Melody thought it was a doozy.)

"Boo! Weak!" Mabel heckled, as she and Soos each sipped at their Mabel Juice.  Melody stared at them so flabbergasted that she almost missed the small embarrassed sip that Pacifica took as well.

"I have done that," Wax Larry King announced.  "Greggy C, help me take a sip."

"You got it, King!" Greggy C said agreeably, raising Wax Larry King's cup to his mouth.

"I, uh-" Melody chuckled uncomfortably.  "I didn't realize there were so many cannibals among us."

"Yeah," Pacifica admitted.  "I'm pretty sure this town has the most cannibals per capita in Oregon."

"It was when I was a zombie," Soos clarified.  "I don't do that normally."

"Mine happened when I was seven," Mabel said.  "Mom brought Dipper and me with her to buy groceries, but we ran off while she was distracted so we could throw fruit at each other.  While we were doing that, some angry lady came up and started yelling at us about how we were devil children who would never go to Heaven and shaking her finger right in our faces.  I didn't like that, so I bit off the end of her finger, and then I swallowed it by accident.  I mean, it tasted alright, but I don't normally eat people either."

"I was hungry," Wax Larry King put in shamelessly.

"Wait," Dipper said to his new girlfriend.  "When did you eat human flesh?"

Pacifica winced.  She'd been hoping he wouldn't see her.  "Let's just say my parents have thrown some really sucky parties."

Wax Larry King opened his mouth to ask her about that, but Mabel, seeing her friend's distress, interrupted before he could.  "Okay, Greggy C, that makes it your turn!  What's something you've never ever done?"

Pacifica quietly sighed in relief.  Dipper took hold of one of her hands and squeezed it gently.

"Never have I ever kissed a frog!" Greggy C stated cheefully.  Mabel, Dipper, and Chubby Z each took a sip of Mabel Juice.

Then it was Wax Larry King's turn.  "Never have I ever ridden a bicycle."  Everyone else in the circle drank for that one.

"Hmm," Mabel hummed, now that it was once again her turn.  "Never have I ever..."  She trailed off thoughtfully.  Then she looked to the other side of the circle, where Pacifica was trying to put Dipper's hair into a ponytail, and smirked.

"Never have I ever told my crush that he's 'my favorite person in the world' in front of his sister."

Pacifica blushed brightly, dropping what she was doing.  "You- I- Mabel!" she hissed, in anger and embarrassment.

"Drink your Mabel Juice, Pacifica," Mabel said smugly.

Pacifica took a large swig of Mabel Juice, then set her cup down and pointed at Mabel.  "That.  Was.  Targeted," she accused.

Mabel shrugged shamelessly.  "I figured I'd picked on Dipper enough for tonight, so I moved on to someone else."

Soos and Melody were trying not to laugh.  Chubby Z and Greggy C didn't seem to understand what was going on.  Dipper gave Pacifica a sympathetic smile.

Pacifica just sighed and grumbled something unintelligible as she returned to her work.

Chubby Z seemed quite enthusiastic as he said "Never have I ever pushed all of the buttons in an elevator!"  Dipper, Mabel, and Melody all promptly drank.

"Oh, dude," Soos laughed.  "I've tried, but I'm never quick enough!"

The others laughed with him, and then Melody went.  "Never have I ever gotten a tattoo," she said, and it turned out that none of the other people present had either.

Then Soos said "Never have I ever ridden a horse."

Pacifica, satisfied with the tiny ponytail she'd made with Dipper's hair, let go and took a sip of her Mabel Juice, as Dipper and Mabel did the same.

"I'm assuming ponies count," Dipper checked, "'Cuz I've never ridden a full-size horse."

"I have!" Mabel exclaimed, while Soos nodded in confirmation.

"What about horses made of wax?" Wax Larry King asked.  "Do those count?"

"Um..." Soos thought for a moment.  "Yeah, I guess they do."

"Good to know," Wax Larry King said.  Then he saw Greggy C reaching for his cup and added "I haven't ridden one, though."

"Then why bring it up?" Pacifica asked.

"I was just curious.  I'm an inquisitive wax figure, Llama Girl."

"Llama-" Pacifica looked down, to check whether she was wearing her llama sweater from Mabel.  She wasn't.  "Why are you calling me Llama Girl?"

"Because you were the llama in the Zodiac Circle," King answered.  "And I know enough about fate to know that, even if that plan didn't work out, the symbol isn't done with you yet."

"What, you think I still have some llama-related destiny to fulfill?" Pacifica asked skeptically.

"Probably," Wax Larry King agreed.

"Like what?"

"No idea," King answered.  "Do I look like a fortune teller to you?"

"Yeah, kinda," Pacifica replied.  "You're a disembodied head."

"Touché.  But really, who knows.  Maybe you'll go on adventures with a llama companion someday.  Maybe it just means you'll become a great warrior.  Llamas are the greatest warriors in nature, you know."

"Really?" Pacifica said in surprise.  "Hmmm..."  Now there was a thought.  Pacifica the Mighty... Pacifica the Fearsome...  Pacifica Northwest, Defender of the Pines...  Pacifica Pines, Hero of Gravity Falls...

"Hey Pacifica?" Mabel asked, after a moment.

"Yeah?"

"It's your turn."

"Oh," Pacifica remembered.  "Right.  Uh, never have I ever eaten soap."

Mabel, Soos, Greggy C, and Chubby Z each took a sip of Mabel Juice.  "You'll need to try harder than that," Mabel said.  "There's almost nothing you can find in the average household that I haven't eaten or tried to eat at least once!"

"It's true," Dipper confirmed (with rather less enthusiasm).  "Most of her emergency room visits were because of something she ate.  Um, never have I ever been on a date."

Pacifica took a sip.  "Not even with Candy?" she checked.

"Nope," Dipper answered.  "Things never got that far."

Apparently Wax Larry King was the only person present with as little relationship experience as Dipper, because everyone else took a drink.

"How about you?" Dipper asked Pacifica.  "I'm sure you've gone on dates with plenty of boys before, but is anybody I'd know on the list?"

"Um..." Pacifica mulled that over.  "I'm not sure if you and he ever met face-to-face, but there was one who you've probably at least heard about:  Marius Von Fundshauser."

Mabel gasped.  "You dated Marius?!  Grenda's Marius?!"

"Yup, him," Pacifica nodded.  "It's not, like, a huge deal, though; it was just one date, and it didn't go all that well.  My parents set us up.  He didn't really mind that I was a b-word, but he called me a coward for always doing what my parents said instead of what I really wanted.  He can smell fear, y'know, and he said he wanted to date someone free of it.  That's why he's so crazy about Grenda.  Which is fine, since he wasn't really my type either.  We stayed friends."

"You stayed friends with him after he called you a coward?" Melody asked.

"I needed all the friends I could get, back then.  And he's actually, like, a really nice guy most of the time.  Plus, I mean, it's not like he was wrong."

Dipper spoke up.  "I don't think you're a coward."

Pacifica raised an eyebrow.  "I was then.  Thanks, though, that's very sweet of you."

The game, and the many conversations that accompanied it, continued on into the night.

Chapter Text

"I'm trying to be a better person now," Pacifica said.  "I'm doing my best."

"I know you are," Dipper assured her.

"You're the main person I've been using as an example, you know."

"Wait, really?"

"You were the first person to show me that I could be better.  I guess Mabel did too, but like I said earlier, I still don't really get her."

"So when you're trying to do the right thing, you think about what I'd do?"

"A lot of the time.  It doesn't always work.  Sometimes I also think about Wendy, or Soos, or Old Man McGucket."

"Why them?"

"Okay, so don't tell anyone about this, because I don't wanna get arrested, but not long after you and Mabel left town they invited me and Robbie and Gideon to have a kind of group therapy session together where we all talked about what it was like when Bill turned us all into tapestries that one time."

Dipper's eyes widened.  "Oh man, I never even thought about-"

"It's fine, Dipper.  I got that discussion out of my system months ago and it's not really important right now.  But once we'd all said everything we had to say about that particular experience, we just kinda kept meeting up every so often to help each other with other things.  I helped Soos pick out his new style.  McGucket has been trying to teach Gideon non-destructive coping mechanisms for when he's angry.  It's a work in progress.  That kid is really angry."

Dipper nodded.

"So yeah, I've been getting to know them.  Gideon and Robbie kind of suck, but Wendy and Soos and McGucket are all really nice people, so when I don't think doing what you'd do is a good idea, I think of one of them.  McGucket is a good mentor for when I get the urge to do something really bad, 'cuz I mean, he used to go around in giant robots killing people, right?  But now he doesn't do anything like that, so he knows how to become a better person probably better than anyone.  Wendy and Soos have given me a pretty good baseline for just, like, basic everyday decency.  I probably follow Wendy's example more than I do yours, especially at school.  You're a hero and everything, but you can be a little prickly, you know?"

"Yeah, that's fair," Dipper admitted.  "I look up to Wendy too.  And Soos is probably the best person I know."

"Also," Pacifica blushed a little.  "I know you had a big crush on Wendy last summer.  And I know that she and Soos and McGucket are all good friends of yours.  So I thought maybe if I tried to be like them, then maybe you'd see the same things in me that you see in them and you'd like me too."

Dipper blinked and turned a little redder.  "Oh."

"I know Gideon is trying to do the same thing, 'cuz he still really likes Mabel even though Wendy and Soos don't think he has a chance with her."

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[Pacifica calls Dipper "darling"]

"That one's definitely better than 'honey.'"

Pacifica looked back at him.  "You like that one?"

"It feels more like something you'd naturally say."

"It does, doesn't it?  Well, darling, I'm glad you approve."

"I've, uh-" Dipper scratched the back of his neck.  "I've never had anyone to trade pet names with before.  Nicknames, sure, but pet names, not so much.  So, yeah, it might take me a while to adjust to that."

"That's fine, darling.  I understand."

"How, uh, how would you feel about being called 'sweetheart'?  I think I could try that sometime if I felt really confident."

Pacifica looked at Dipper again with a startlingly serious expression.  "I've been waiting my whole life for someone to call me sweetheart," she whispered intensely.

Dipper blinked.  "Uh..."

"I mean-"  Pacifica shook her head.  "That would be fine.  Whatever.  No pressure or anything."

"R-right," Dipper agreed.  "No, uh, n-no pressure."

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"Hey Pacifica?"

"Hmm?"  Pacifica looked over at Dipper.

"You talked a lot last night about how you're trying to change yourself.  You know you don't have to become a totally different person, right?  I'm glad you're loosening up and being nicer to people, but I also like you the way you are.  Don't pretend to be someone you aren't for me or Mabel."

Pacifica scoffed.  "Of course I know that.  How much of a simp do you think I am?"

Dipper almost smirked, but he managed to rein it in.  This was a time for being serious, not smug.  "I mean, you said some pretty damning things last night."  Okay, maybe a little bit smug.

Pacifica scowled at him, but she was blushing.  "I hate you."

"That's literally not true."

"Go away."

"Not until I know you're treating yourself right."

Pacifica hid her face in her hands and mumbled something unintelligible.

"What was that?" Dipper asked.

She moved her hands slightly.  "I thought about dyeing my hair red to look like Wendy."  She said it quickly, like she was hoping doing so would get the embarrassment over with faster.

Dipper's face went red.  "You- that- what?"

"I know!" Pacifica groaned.  "It was a stupid idea.  I'd look awful with red hair.  It wouldn't be me at all.  But this was before I'd pieced together that you probably liked me back, and right after I'd done something horrible to Candy and Grenda, and I couldn't get your stupid face out of my head, and I was scared if I didn't do something I'd never be able to get your attention.  I didn't actually do it.  Anyway, the point is, I know I need to be myself.  Wendy and Soos and McGucket have all explained why that's important.  I'm just... still working on sorting out who myself is.  Separating the person my parents want me to be from the real me."

Dipper cleared his throat.  "And, um, how is that, uh, going?  So far?"

"Eh.  I still like ponies, and llamas, and pink and purple outfits.  I want to keep my hair the way it is.  I still like looking pretty, and I still like winning, but only if I didn't cheat to get there.  I'm learning to appreciate the value of hard work and things that mean a lot, but don't cost much."

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Mabel conked out almost immediately upon climbing into her bed, which gave Dipper and Pacifica a moment of peace to chat some more before they followed suit.

"You seemed a little different today," Dipper told her quietly.  "I've never heard you swear before.  And you were a lot more willing to admit weakness than you normally are."

Pacifica nodded sleepily.  "It was just a really emotional day for me," she answered.  "I'm sure I'll be back to my witty pretty self again in the morning."

Chapter Text

Eventually the game wound down.  The Shack's human inhabitants all went to bed, and Greggy C and Chubby Z slipped away into the night, leaving Wax Larry King alone in the display room to talk to himself.

Dipper let Pacifica take his bed while he made himself comfortable in a sleeping bag on the floor nearby.

They would need to get up briefly at around four in the morning to shake Mabel awake from a nightmare and reassure her that Dipper was safe and that she was in the real world, not trapped in one of Bill's bubbles.  But other than that, they slept restfully through the remainder of the night.

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As often happened, Dipper was the first person in the attic to awaken.  He glanced over at his bed, where Pacifica was still snoozing, then quietly slipped out of his sleeping bag and tiptoed to the bathroom as quickly as he could.

Dipper stared intensely at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.  My eyes are normal, he observed cautiously.  I'm me.  Bill isn't controlling me.  He's gone.  He can't hurt us anymore.

Then he looked away from the mirror.  Last night was real.  Pacifica and I are dating now.  It still seemed so hard to believe.

He took a deep breath, looked at himself in the mirror again, and smiled.  Despite the bags under his eyes, which still hadn't gone away, he looked happy.  This is good, he told himself.  Things are good.  And maybe they'll still be good tomorrow.

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Pacifica woke up about an hour and a half later, and found herself alone in the attic.  She climbed out of Dipper's bed and went downstairs, not stopping to change out of her nightgown, where she found a noisy and bustling kitchen full of her new boyfriend's rowdy and lovable family.

She wolfed down some breakfast before finding herself overwhelmed and retreating into the upstairs bathroom, where she calmed her nerves by doing half of her morning self-care routine.  Then she came out so that Mabel and Stan could have their turns in the bathroom before she did the other half of her routine.

All in all, it was a strange morning for Pacifica.  But she found that she didn't really mind that much.

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Before any of them knew it, Pacifica had packed up her things and called for a pickup and was chatting with Dipper and Mabel near the front door while she waited for her limo to arrive.

She'd just finished adding both twins to her contacts list on her cell phone when Stan came in to interrupt them.  "Dipper, Mabel," he said.  "Soos says he needs your help with something.  He's around the back."

Dipper and Mabel left the room to go help Soos, and Stan sat down and had a rather uncomfortable impromptu staring contest with Pacifica.

"Is, um, is something wrong?" Pacifica asked nervously.

"Not that I know of," Stan answered cryptically.  "Let's keep it that way, alright?"

"Um, okay," Pacifica responded in bemusement.

There was another few seconds of silence before Stan finally decided that ambiguity wasn't cutting it.  "If you leave Dipper for a hippie, I'll make sure your limo goes over a cliff with you inside."

It wasn't the first shovel talk that Pacifica had received from one of Dipper's loved ones, but it was the most weirdly specific.  "Yes, sir," she replied safely.

It was about then that Dipper and Mabel walked back into the room.  "Soos said he doesn't need our help with anything," Dipper announced suspiciously.  "Grunkle Stan, what's going on?"

"Oops, my mistake," Stan said with a careless shrug.

Dipper looked unconvinced, but he didn't press the issue.

There was an awkward silence, until Stan spoke up again.

"You know," he said to Pacifica conversationally.  "I used to think Dipper's type was redheads, but maybe his actual type is girls who blossom early.  If you know what I mean."  He winked unnecessarily.

"Grunkle Stan!" Dipper hissed angrily, his face beet red.  "Shut up!"

"'Cuz I mean, let's be real, Wendy does not look like she's still only sixteen.  And you're about the same age as these two gremlins, but I remember noticing when I saw you on Pioneer Day last year that you somehow already had visible curv-"

"Okay!" Pacifica said loudly, somehow blushing even harder than Dipper.  "Thanks for the tip!  Bye Dipper!  Bye Mabel!  Gotta go!"  She fled outside and closed the door behind her, which didn't prevent her from hearing Dipper's outraged "WHAT THE FUCK, STAN?!?!"

Thankfully, it wasn't much longer before the limo arrived to take her home.

As Pacifica climbed into the vehicle, she noticed that Joan wasn't in the driver's seat.  Instead the car was being driven by another member of her family's staff.  She didn't know his name offhand.

"Where's Joan?" she asked.

"I'm afraid something came up for her, Miss Pacifica," the driver said.  "I was sent in her place."

"I see," Pacifica said.  "I hope she's alright."

A moment later her phone buzzed and she looked at it to see a text from Dipper.  I'm really sorry about that, it read.

She sent back a reply.  Don't worry about it.  It's nothing I haven't heard before.

Soon the limo pulled into her new house's driveway.  Pacifica got out and walked up to the front door while the driver parked the vehicle in the garage.

"I'm home," Pacifica said as she came inside and took off her shoes.

"Welcome back, Pacifica," came her father's voice.  "We have a surprise for you."  Pacifica looked up to see that her mother and father were sitting on the futon in the living room, already visible from the front entrance.  And standing on the coffee table in front of them was, of all people, Jeff the gnome.  Several other gnomes sat on the floor nearby.

"Ah!" Jeff said happily.  "There she is!  Our bride-to-be!"

Pacifica was so bewildered she was having trouble forming words.  "Wha...?"

"Good news, Pacifica!" her father announced, standing up.  He was holding a wine glass in one hand and a piece of paper in the other.  "You're getting married!"