Archive of Our Own ^beta

The door to the house is thrown open and a few crashes can be heard echoing from the living room. The noises begin getting louder as he makes his way to my room. Is he drunk..? Probably not, he usually doesn’t drink alone. Something must have happened. Maybe work was bad today. The noises reach their peak when the door to my room slams open, he looks absolutely livid as he storms toward me, pinning me to the bed.

“Ạ̶̶̸͍̝̲̙̫̽̇̀̒͐l̵̶̵̯̬̈́͑̀̋h̷̶̸̨͇̱̏̿͋̑̈̚a̷̶̴̢͔̹̭̒̃̏ì̴̶̴̲̭̉͛̀̾ț̸̶̶̰̳͚̽̄͠ḥ̸̶̸̡̀̽̈̔̏a̸̶̸̺̰͂̉m̴̶̸̞͚̜͔̅͌͛̈́́? What are you doing?” His name felt sour on my tongue even then, “I’ve had a bad day, love. Mind helping me wind down a bit?” He asked, giving me the illusion of a choice. I bit my lip as I pondered my response, “I’m not feeling it today…could we not?” His body stiffened a bit as he had already begun a bit of foreplay, “You can deal with it for one night, can’t you? For me?” And I could. I could deal with it for one night. But this happens every. single. night. I’m tired, I just want to cuddle or even just be alone. But that isn’t an option and I knew it even then, “I really don’t want to, please just stop? You can talk about it and we could cuddle if that would make you feel better?” I said, trying to compromise. Alhaitham just continued kissing down my collarbone until my shirt eventually found its way off, “You’ll be fine. It’ll feel good if you just let me do this.” He said. I knew it would feel good eventually, but that doesn’t mean I want it to happen. Ạ̶̶̸͍̝̲̙̫̽̇̀̒͐l̵̶̵̯̬̈́͑̀̋h̷̶̸̨͇̱̏̿͋̑̈̚a̷̶̴̢͔̹̭̒̃̏ì̴̶̴̲̭̉͛̀̾ț̸̶̶̰̳͚̽̄͠ḥ̸̶̸̡̀̽̈̔̏a̸̶̸̺̰͂̉m̴̶̸̞͚̜͔̅͌͛̈́́’s clothes had eventually found their way on the ground near mine. The last thing I could remember before completely dissociating was the burn of something entering me with not nearly enough preperation or lube.

————

Kaveh wakes up with a slight tremble in his body. He really hates those dreams. He’s changed! Al- he would never do those things again! He apologized. He even held Kaveh as he cried. He promised not to do it again so it’s okay. He’s a good boyfriend now, maybe he wasn’t back then, but he is now! Kaveh would do anything to forget about that old him, the one that would constantly hurt him. Because the “new” him was so sweet and gentle. And Kaveh was willing to take anything at this point as long as they showed a little bit of kindness.

Kaveh insists that Alhaitham has changed, that Alhaitham isn’t like that anymore, that Alhaitham loves him and sees him as a human again, but a small little part of him knows deep down that he’s still the same Alhaitham, he’s just switches up his tactics a bit. Because Archon’s forbid his favorite little plaything runs away again. Deep down Kaveh knows there is no love in Alhaitham’s heart, just obsession. Kaveh was just so tired of having nobody, so what if Alhaitham’s relationship could be a lot sometimes? At least he has someone that cares about him.

Kaveh slowly crawled out of bed and began getting ready for today. Last night was one of the lucky ones where he didn’t have to sleep in Alhaitham’s bed so luckily he didn’t have to risk waking him. Kaveh used to be a night person, always staying up till the crack of dawn at a tavern or working on an upcoming deadline, but Kaveh has adjusted to the morning person lifestyle because it gives him at least 2 hours without having to calculate all of his actions for Alhaitham. Being up early is much less risky than being up late at night. If Kaveh made too much noise and woke Alhaitham up he would…what did he used to do? Kaveh closed his eyes but his memory of those times has become fuzzy. It wasn’t good, whatever it was. Kaveh isn’t sure why he can’t remember what happened, but maybe it’s a good thing? If he holds on to those memories how could he move on and live a happier life with the new Alhaitham?

Memories of the old Alhaitham…there seem to be so few. Kaveh remembers breaking a bowl and being ignored for 3 days. He remembers begging Alhaitham for any kind of attention which was answered with a glare if he was lucky. But that’s really it, Kaveh can’t remember anything worse than that. Maybe that memory isn’t even real, Alhaitham isn’t the kind of guy to do something like that. But his dream…that felt real . It didn’t feel like he was making it up in his dream, it felt like he was reliving a memory. Kaveh finished putting on his outfit for the day and began doing his hair. He was feeling rather tired today, but if he looked sloppy Alhaitham might flirt with someone else, it’s happened before so who knows. While doing his hair, Kaveh spilled some oil on his shirt that he had just put on. Great. Kaveh opened his closet and began looking for a new shirt.

Every clothing item Kaveh owns was approved by Alhaitham, Kaveh can pick out any clothes he wants, but Alhaitham gets the last say on if he can buy them or not. Alhaitham has always been quite critical about Kaveh’s looks, but Kaveh likes dating someone honest. When Kaveh’s outfit doesn’t look good, Alhaitham will always tell him to go change. Kaveh likes making Alhaitham happy, so he never minds too much, but a lot of the clothes in his closet aren’t exactly his favorite thing. For example, the color purple is almost completely banned. Alhaitham says it makes him look unflattering, but Kaveh knows he’s just trying to say it makes Kaveh look fat. Kaveh used to really love wearing the color purple, but it’s okay. Everyone makes sacrifices in relationships!

Kaveh grabs a cute button white button up that he actually likes and goes into the kitchen to make coffee. Alhaitham gets mad if the coffee isn’t already made in the mornings, but Kaveh isn’t bothered by it, Alhaitham just isn’t a morning person. Kaveh had some work he needed to get done today if he had any chance of meeting his deadline next week, but he doesn’t know if Alhaitham will let him work. Usually Kaveh has to let Alhaitham know whatever he intends on doing and Alhaitham gets the final say on if he can do it. Alhaitham almost always lets Kaveh do his work, knowing how important his job is to him. But sometimes Alhaitham will make Kaveh just sit next to him and do nothing. Kaveh doesn’t really care for doing that, it’s really hard to just sit still like Alhaitham wants when he’s wasting time he can be using on an upcoming deadline. It caused Kaveh to fidget and bounce his leg excessively, but Kaveh learned to sit still after A̶l̶h̶a̶i̶t̶h̶a̶m̶ ̶b̶r̶o̶k̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶l̶e̶g̶. 

Kaveh’s head whips around when he hears footsteps making there way for the kitchen, Alhaitham seems to be up considerably earlier this morning since it’s still around 8 in the morning. Kaveh thinks about what he should say while he waits for Alhaitham to groggily enter the room, the coffee still isn’t ready yet and he needs to save his own ass without making it sound like it’s Alhaitham’s fault. Alhaitham enters the room and Kaveh plasters on his fakest “award-winning” smile, “Good morning, love! You’re up early this morning, aren’t you? Unfortunately the coffee isn’t ready yet, but it should be done in about 3 minutes if you could just hold tight!” He said, throwing in a little hand squeeze at the end just for good measure. It seemed to have worked because Alhaitham smiled at him tiredly and said, “That’s okay, I know you didn’t know I’d be up this early this morning.” Alhaitham seems to wake up a bit more as he examines Kaveh’s outfit for the day, deciding if he likes it or not, “I thought I told you to wear that white lace top today?” He frowned, Kaveh immediately rushed to defend himself, “I was going to! But I got some oil on it when I was doing my hair…” Kaveh said, playing up his sadness to hopefully earn pity points from Alhaitham. Alhaitham sighed and shook his head, “It’s okay, but you better clean that up. You know that’s my- your favorite shirt.” Alhaitham said, correcting his mistake so quickly you may think you’re hearing things if you think about it too much, though in all honesty he was correct the first time. Kaveh hates that shirt, it’s itchy and too short to really make him feel comfortable, but Alhaitham loves it therefore he has to too. Kaveh realizes the coffee is done and pours both him and Alhaitham a glass, he was going to need it to get through the day.

————

The day goes by without many hiccups, Kaveh knows how to keep Alhaitham in a good mood but even then he can still be pretty unpredictable. Kaveh went to give Alhaitham lunch while he was working and Alhaitham berated him for it, but when he saw Kaveh start to tear up he apologized and let Kaveh sit on his lap while he worked. Which he didn’t really want to do, but he wasn’t going to reject an attempt at kindness from Alhaitham, that’s how he gets in big trouble. 

After Alhaitham had gotten most of his work done, he asked Kaveh if he’d like to come with him to the market. Kaveh of course jumped at the opportunity to be able to go outside, of course he sounded more casual than that, if he sounded too excited Alhaitham would assume he wants an excuse to leave him and would b̶e̶a̶t̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶ for it. Kaveh had to clean himself up a bit so that Alhaitham would be okay with being seen in public with him, but that’s okay he was desperate to get some fresh air after he’s been cooped up in this house for almost a week. The only times Alhaitham really lets him out of the house is if they’re going shopping, it’s for his job, or Tighnari and Cyno invite them to play cards at the tavern. After Kaveh finished a few touch ups to his hair and makeup, he went to go meet Alhaitham by the door. Alhaitham approved of his look and they began their walk to the market.

————

It was a beautiful day out, and the market place was bustling as usual. Alhaitham was holding Kaveh’s hand and for the time being Kaveh could enjoy pretending like they were a happy couple. Kaveh didn’t know what all they had to buy so he was just happily following Alhaitham like a puppy. Kaveh passed by quite a few stalls he wanted to look at but he knew if he asked Alhaitham to go to them he may be overstepping his authority. It was fine though, Kaveh found interesting things at the stalls they ended up going to anyway, and they even got to go back to a few of the stalls Kaveh was interested in! Overall, today was going great. Kaveh was having a good time and Alhaitham seemed to be in at least a decent mood, if Kaveh could just hold things together for a few more hours he’d have his first successful day in a while.

Kaveh was extremely entranced with a glass centerpiece he found at one of the stalls Alhaitham led to and didn’t notice the latter leave. Kaveh stood up to see why Alhaitham hadn’t led him away from the stall yet when he realized Alhaitham wasn’t even near him. Kaveh panicked, typically Kaveh is fine being alone in crowds since he’s a very social and well-liked person, but what if this is a test from Alhaitham? What if he’s seeing if Kaveh would try and run from him? Should he ask someone if they’ve seen Alhaitham or should he run aimlessly through the crowd and try to find him himself? Every answer sounded like the wrong option. Should he wait here for Alhaitham to realize he’s gone? Should he be more worried? Less worried? He isn’t prepared for this situation. Almost every situation with Alhaitham is calculated and prepped for, but this? This is completely new.

Kaveh stumbled through the crowd of people, his mind moving too fast for his body to catch up. All he could think about was how he had to find Alhaitham. After running around for 5 minutes and getting nowhere he decided he should try and ask someone. Kaveh ran up to the first person he saw and tried his best to hold himself together as he asked, “Excuse me, sir. Have you by any chance seen a tall, silver-haired, gentleman walk by here?” The man turned around and had to do a double take at Kaveh. Kaveh usually doesn’t care when people check him out since he always stands out because of his clothes anyway, but right now he was in too much of a rush to be dealing with this, “Hello?” Kaveh said, trying to regain the mains attention. The man’s eyes met Kaveh once again and he said, “I’m sorry, I can’t say that I have. Is this man your boyfriend by any chance? We could look for him together.” Kaveh was a threat away from punching this guy, he is clearly in a hurry and this guy is just trying to get in his pants. Kaveh sighed and turned away, “That won’t be necessary. Continue on with your day, sorry for the disturbance.” Kaveh said, beginning to walk away before the man grabbed his arm and pulled him back, “Hey!” He said, “You didn’t answer my question, doll.” He said, smiling. Kaveh was about to let him have it but fortunately for him, someone much more intimidating decided to join the conversation.

“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” Alhaitham said, carefully sliding his arm around Kaveh’s waste as Kaveh pushed the man off of him, “Not at all.” Kaveh said slyly, “This man was trying to ask if I had a boyfriend though…” Kaveh said, leaning more into Alhaitham. The man looked terrified, the gaze Alhaitham was giving the man was heavy enough to suffocate him, “I meant no trouble!” The man said hurriedly, “I was just curious! Please have some kind of mercy on me.” The man pleaded, backing away from Alhaitham. Alhaitham’s hand tightened on Kaveh’s hip, “Mercy isn’t something I practice quite often,” Kaveh knew that all too well, “luckily for you, I’m not feeling up for a fight right now. So let this be a warning to not let your eyes stray.” Alhaitham said cooly, Kaveh would have been scared too if he wasn’t the one being defended right now. The man nodded vigorously, “Thank you, Acting Grand Sage!” He said as he quickly scurried away from them. Kaveh, being happy with the outcome, turned to Alhaitham, “So what’s next on our list?” He asked. Alhaitham just stood there, staring at where the man once stood.

“Alhaitham?” Kaveh said gently, whenever Alhaitham gets like this Kaveh always has to tread lightly to not provoke him any further. Alhaitham’s eyes abruptly snap up to meet Kaveh’s, he then proceeds to grab his hand and start dragging him back to the house, “Alhaitham! We’re still in public, be gentle!” Kaveh whisper-yelled, not wanting to draw any more unnecessary attention to themselves. Alhaitham’s grip loosed from Kaveh’s wrist and slid down to intertwine their hands, such an innocent gesture that once gave Kaveh butterflies now fills him with such a potent feeling of dread. Alhaitham really only holds Kaveh’s hand when he needs to guide him somewhere quickly without anyone getting suspicious. Kaveh used to be able to pretend that this was a romantic moment for them but it’s gotten much harder to do that over the years.

As they reach their house, Alhaitham quickly unlocks the door and throws Kaveh in, pretending to be calm while locking the door behind them. Kaveh falls to the ground and scurries to get back up only to be kicked in the stomach while he’s on his knees and sent right back to the ground again. Kaveh realizes quickly this will be easier for him if he just stays down. 

“You fucking whore.” Alhaitham spits, his voice dripping in resentment and malice, “I leave you alone for one fucking minute to go to the bathroom and you start trying to go home with the first guy you see.” Kaveh is close to tears at this point, he softly shakes his head as he curls in on himself trying to protect himself from this…stranger. Alhaitham clearly takes offense to this action because he quickly drops to the ground and pulls Kaveh to eye level by his hair, “Answer me!” He yelled, “If you fucking ignore me again, I’ll pry off all of your nails with your own finger until you fucking talk.” Kaveh coughs, trying to ignore the pain and get enough air back in his lungs to answer Alhaitham’s question.

“I-I didn’t do anything! I couldn’t find you! I got scared, s-so I asked around for someone who’d seen you.” Kaveh explained, blood beginning to trickle out of his nose and onto the floor. Alhaitham dropped his head and stood up, “Right, you just happened to go talk to the one guy that wanted to get into your pants. Fuck that.” Alhaitham said, stomping on Kaveh’s hand and basking in the cry of pain that tore through his throat. Alhaitham flipped Kaveh over and pulled him up from the ground by his shirt collar, “You should consider yourself lucky that I don’t shatter every bone in your body so that you can’t leave me.” Alhaitham said, grabbing Kaveh’s face just a little too hard for comfort, “You would be nothing without me. If I didn’t take pity on your pathetic ass then you would still be in the street, probably selling your body to get some cheap booze at the tavern.” Alhaitham stated, his voice being too calm for the absolute filth he was saying. Kaveh wished he could hit him back, wished he could defend himself and make Alhaitham feel what he felt, but he knew he couldn’t. Kaveh wasn’t as strong nor battle smart as Alhaitham, and being forced to stay cooped up in this house all day everyday isn’t helping either (which Alhaitham is probably perfectly aware of). 

“Alhaitham, I’m sorry please! I really didn’t mean anything by talking to him! I was scared!” Kaveh cried, knowing pleading is his best option. If he knew talking to that man would turn into this he would have avoided him like the plague. Kaveh clung to Alhaitham’s pant leg weakly, trying to earn whatever pity points he could get. Alhaitham’s entire demeanor shifted as he carefully knelt down and stroked Kaveh’s cheek lovingly, “I know, you would never do anything to hurt me intentionally…” He said gently, he seemed as though he was trying to convince himself more than Kaveh, “I’m sorry for hurting you, I was just so upset thinking about you running off with another man, you understand don’t you?” He said, kissing Kaveh’s tears. Kaveh nodded hesitantly at his words, “Good, I’m so lucky to have you.” He said as he scooped Kaveh into his arms and sat them both on the couch, pulling Kaveh into his lap and holding him. Kaveh rested his head on Alhaitham’s shoulder, trying to trick his mind into thinking he was lying with someone, anyone , else. 

Kaveh slowly raised his eyes to look at Alhaitham’s, he had a far-off, concentrated look in them which immediately filled Kaveh with dread. After a beating like that, the only thing Alhaitham could possibly be considering is his punishment. He’s been subjected to this kind of scenario too many times to not know it by heart. He needed to distract him, desperately. Kaveh wrapped his arms around Alhaitham and buried his face in his neck, hoping to break his train of thought. It seemed to have work as a hand carefully began to stroke Kaveh’s hair. Moments like these were so domestic and peaceful, he really wished it could always be like this. It would make it so much easier to love Alhaitham. Kaveh playing with Alhaitham’s hair a bit, twirling it around his finger and brushing through it with his hand. Eventually he felt Alhaitham stop petting his hair and start tugging at Kaveh’s shirt.

Kaveh decided it would be best to ignore it and focus on continuing to play with Alhaitham’s hair, but the tugs on his shirt slowly got more demanding. Kaveh knew he couldn’t risk angering Alhaitham even more, but does he really have to do…this? Kaveh slowly sat up and took off his shirt, he was about to hide in Alhaitham’s neck again, hoping to shut this down without actually saying anything, but before he could Alhaitham leaned forward and began to leave kisses and bites on his collar. Kaveh looked anywhere besides Alhaitham, “Alhaitham..” He mumbled, wanting him to stop. Alhaitham licked the bite he just made, “You know I’m doing this because I love you.” He said, kissing Kaveh’s jawline. Kaveh’s eyes began to get far away as he tried his hardest to space out, but Alhaitham wouldn’t have it right now, “None of that, I want you to see and feel everything I do to you.” Alhaitham said, kissing Kaveh’s temple. Kaveh felt so numb to it all, a single tear falling down his cheek that Alhaitham quickly kissed away. 

Alhaitham laid Kaveh down and climbed on top of him, Alhaitham continued his movements, getting lower and lower as he did. Kaveh felt so far away, so lost. Alhaitham finally threw off both his and Kaveh’s pants. He felt so exposed, he felt scared. He wants this to stop. Kaveh’s eyes glazed over, he was so far away. Why did he try to convince himself that Alhaitham is a good person? Kaveh remembered everything so clearly. The broken bones, the insults, the cuts, the bruises, the threats…

…The ra-… Kaveh flinched away from his thoughts.

He couldn’t bring himself to say it, he didn’t want to believe or accept that this was happening again. The word felt so bitter on his tongue, but it fit. It fit so fucking well. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to shrink and disappear, forgotten by all, especially Alhaitham. Kaveh could faintly feel Alhaitham’s body pressed against his, groaning lightly and whispering sweet nothings into Kaveh’s ear. He hates this. He hates everything about this. Just let go, please. Hurry up and finish. He just wants to be alone. Alhaitham was touching him, wanting them to end in unison.

Let go.

You’re already taking so much, don’t take my dignity too. Kaveh thought faintly.

Everything felt so far away. He could hear himself, the disgusting noises being forced out of him along with the quiet pleas. He wanted to die. He wanted to kill him . His name was just as vile in his mouth as the word. The word he was doing to him. Why does it always have to end like this?

Kaveh is forcefully ripped from his thoughts by a harsh slap to the face, forcing his head to the side. He looks at Alhaitham then himself. Seeing the end results of both of their…Kaveh doesn’t want to believe he actually came with Alhaitham. He didn’t enjoy this. He didn’t want this. What did he do to deserve this? Alhaitham pulls Kaveh between his legs and hugs him from behind, snuggling into his hair. Kaveh wanted him to let go so he could go shower. He felt so gross, he just wanted to get all of this off of him. Alhaitham slowly dragged his hand down the length of Kaveh’s arm until their hands met, “I was going to leave your punishment at the beating, but since you deliberately disobeyed me and spaced out, I think one more tiny thing should be added.”

Kaveh couldn’t even find it in himself to feel afraid, he would be okay with it as long as he could just go and shower after. Kaveh didn’t even notice Alhaitham grab his hand and gently massage it. He didn’t notice the dark look in Alhaitham’s eyes. He didn’t notice his finger slowly being bent.

But he sure as hell noticed his finger snapping.

Kaveh screamed. He kicked and writhed, trying to get out of Alhaitham’s arms. Alhaitham first took the soft approach and tried to calm him down with cooing and kind words, but when that didn’t work he resorted to breaking another. Kaveh’s throat hurt from screaming, but that pain was nothing from what his hand felt. Alhaitham loosened his grip and Kaveh fell to the ground, cradling his hand.

Why would he do this? Why would he do this again !? Did Kaveh truly deserve this hell? What is he repenting for? What did he ever do? What God did he anger to receive such a harsh and brutal punishment. Kaveh hadn’t seen Alhaitham walk into the kitchen, but he did notice a soft click noise. Kaveh looked up and saw Alhaitham…

Is that a Kamera?

Did he just take a picture of this?

Click

Another photo.

Alhaitham took it out and handed it to Kaveh, he looked at it and saw the most disgustingly pathetic sight. He was being covered only by his own shirt laying on his lower back as he was hunched over holding his swollen hand, a viscous liquid smeared on him and pouring out of him. He refused to let himself realize what that liquid was, he didn’t want to.

“You looked too cute to not take a photo.” Alhaitham cooed, standing over Kaveh’s hunched form. Kaveh was crying uncontrollably, “Please…” He begged, “Get rid of the photo, I can’t- I don’t-“ He stuttered, choking on his tears. Alhaitham kicked him onto his back, “Don’t fucking tell me what to do, whore.” He said simply before going to his room, leaving Kaveh on the floor, barely able to walk. Kaveh managed to drag himself to his bathroom and lock the door. He needed to clean himself and bandage his broken fingers, but he couldn’t. He just laid on the cold tile floor, crying. He hated himself right now, especially seeing how disgusting he looked in that photo. He clenched the photo on his hand before ripping it to shreds. He really, truly hated himself. But not as much as Alhaitham, never as much as Alhaitham.

————

The next morning everything would start again, Kaveh wouldn’t remember what happened the night before, and Alhaitham wouldn’t bring it up. The next day it would happen again, and the next day again, and again, and again, and again. A new photo would be torn up everyday, one just as pathetic as all the rest. Until one day Kaveh doesn’t tear the photo, he puts it into his pocket and goes to sleep. The next day he remembers nothing, until he looks at the photo. Everything would come rushing back to him. Every memory pushing Kaveh further and further until he finally…

Snaps