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English
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Published:
2023-05-20
Completed:
2023-05-20
Words:
2,597
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3/3
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34
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mikell and jack bright go to kfc and shenanigans occur

Summary:

ok this work involves 1. me being fucking stupid 2. me being fucking stupid 3. me being fucking stupid and 4. jack being a little pussy manbaby for some reason i dunno why i wrote him like that 💀 anyhow yeah mikell and jack go to kfc and shit happens. pretty epic

5/11/25 edit; this is so shit even for a jokefic and NOT how i am anymore and im not even into scp anymore either but i'll just keep it up cuz why not.. something something icl ts pmo
play limbus company and roblox phighting btw

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: THEY GO TO MOTHERFUCKING KFC LETS GOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Summary:

man this is crazy guys they go to kfc

Chapter Text

it was a totally 100% normal day at the foundation and for some fucking reason mikell and jack were going to kfc for their lunch break. fucking gingers going to kfc can u imagine.

these fucking dumbasses went because THE colonel sanders from kfc is mikell bright's idol and mikell saw a kfc ad on tv and jack was kind of held at gunpoint to go uhhhmm uh oh whoopsie thats not good annoyed by mikell wanting to go to kfc aka mikell's favorite place ever and jack definitely consented. so mikell forcefully stuffed jack into his car during jack's lunch break to go to kfc. jack was considering calling mikell out on his bullshit on twitter and fucking cancelling him and the rest of the O5 but like jack was hungry yknow. so there they were, going to motherfucking kfc.

"mikell i want the macaroni and cheese 🥺🥺🥺", jack begged his brother. "no youre getting the fucking mashed taters", mikell replied, adjusting his goofy looking cowboy hat. jack had started crying because he couldnt get his mac and cheese. he cried all the way to kfc until they pulled up to the drive thru.

"chicken wing chicken wing hot dog and baloney chicken and macaroni chillin with my homies", jack sung and his voice was somehow suddenly pitched up like he was in a 2010 nightcore remix, making him sound like theodore from alvin and the chipmunks. "SHUT THE ACTUAL FLIPPY FLAPPY FLAPJACK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!", mikell yelled at his goofy dumbass younger brother, "YOURE NOT GETTING NO DIDDLY DANG MAC AND CHEESE AND YOU HAVE NO HOMIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOURE FRIENDLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!". "errrmmmm yuh huh of course i have homies", jack argued back. mikell chuckled. there was no fucking way his loser ass little brother had friends. "name one friend u have bro. theres no fucking way". "ermmmm well welllll youre my friend!!!!!!!!", jack said innocently. mikell was so ashamed of how his brother had the IQ of a goldfish. "NO THE FUCK I AM NOT YOURE LITERALLY SO GROSS AND UGLY AND DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!", mikell had yet again screamed at his brother, making jack start to cry again. but fuck jack. mikell wanted that juicy juicy chicken from kfc. "i-i-i-i have friends on fortnite th-t-t-though", jack sobbed. "SHUT YOU ARE MOUTH I NEED THAT YUMMY YUMMY CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!", mikell screamed. mikell needs to stop fucking screaming because otherwise his old ass is gonna end up busting one of his vocal cords.

fhdgdjgdj uhhhhhhhhhh they pulled up to the drive thru thingy thing where you like speak into the thing and the person takes ur order i dont fucking know what that thing is called. mikell had to put his hand over jack's mouth to keep the guy person who was taking their order from hearing him. mikell had ordered like whatever chicken they have at kfc and the mashed taters despite jack crying harder and biting mikell's hand like some kind of fucking dog. maybe jack is a furry idk. but mikell wasnt focused on his hand spewing out blood from jack's goofy ass furry behavior, and the fact that jack was so gross and stuff that mikell was probably gonna get rabies. he was more focused on the voice through the drive thru thingy. it sounded just like his dearly beloved, THE colonel sanders from the hit amurican fast food restaurant kentucky fried chicken. but there was no way that was him. mikell's too much of a loser to say a single word to THE colonel sanders.

mikell had pulled up to that one window where u get ur food and whatever and the man he saw made him starstruck. "THE COLONEL SANDERS?!?!?!??!!?!? 😍😍😍😍😍", mikell had blurted out in disbelief. he punched jack in disbelief too, making jack fall out of the window from the impact. jack landed on the pavement, glass from the window all up in his skin and stuff and like all bloody. pretty gross. "haiii!!!! ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶", THE colonel sanders said. oh my goodness gracious. THE colonel sanders was talking to mikell bright. mikell ignored the screams of agony from jack as he got brutally hit by a car and instead stared at THE colonel sanders. he was beautiful, everything that mikell wanted to be. a cool country boy, because thats totally what mikell was and totally not a dork. "o-o-o-omg hiiii THE colonel sanders >_<", mikell finally spoke. "hewwo hewe's ur fwood UwU", THE colonel sanders said, handing mikell his food. "THE colonel sanders will u marry me 🥺🥺", mikell had said without thinking. oh how he loved THE colonel sanders. "y-y-y-yes >///<", THE colonel sanders stammered, agreeing. "YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", mikell did a silly little fortnite dance somehow in his car idk and drove off, making sure to hit his ugly ass little brother who may have or may not have been dead. oh well, he'll find a new body soon.

mikell was so happy. he was getting married to his idol!!!! THE colonel sanders!!!!!!!!! he did a silly little jig again except this time it was the roblox /e dance. mikell felt sooooo cool right now with his cool kfc and his cool engagement ring that suddenly appeared on his finger. he was so cool.

Chapter 2: mikell tries to flex his new engagement on clef and kondraki but they absolutely verbally destroy him

Summary:

so sad fr 💔

Chapter Text

"hey whats up motherpeepers!!!!!!!!!!", mikell kicked down the door with his goofy ass cowboy boots. "i got some sick ass kfc bro". "shut the fuck up ketchup hair", it was clef who spoke, being an intolerant asshole as always. smh. "i-i-i-its not that red brah 😡😡", mikell argued. jack was a redhead too man why did clef have to go after mikell like that 💔💔. uhhhhhhmmmm ermmmm anyways. "where the fuck is jack", kondraki asked, rather RUDELY!!!!!!!!! to an O5!!!! a very IMPORTANT person!!!!!!!!!!!! "didnt that little bitchboy come with you?". uhmmm uhhhhhh uh oh oh shit. mikell hadnt even realized that theyd probably ask about jack. "uhhmm uh dead. he died oh no waaahhh", mikell replied, beginning to nervously sweat. oh shit theyd probably ask how he died uhhmm errrr uh oh.

mikell was right. "how'd he die bro", clef asked. "uhhhmm in a very very tragic way", mikell replied, nervously sweating even more. "dude that's fucking awesome we fucking hate jack", kondraki said. "he's such a big loser bro". "haha yeah awesome hahaha jack's dead", mikell was still nervously sweating. if jack got a new body, then mikell would have to hear jack whine and cry about how mikell's such a bad brother for killing him and blah blah blah mikell would zone out and when jack was done he'd just go "ok" and walk off. mikell could just imagine jack's stupid ass voice now. "m-m-mikelllllll why did u kill meeeeee 🥺🥺🥺🥺💔💔💔💔", jack would probably say. but ew gross ewwww why was mikell even thinking about jack. he had to tell clef and kondraki about his cool engagement. "uhm guys guess what!!!!!", mikell said, changing the subject. "what the fuck is it you dumbass bitchass bitch", clef replied. bro clef's so mean 😔. "no no no man!!! you gotta guesssss", mikell was so happy and epic that he felt like firing both clef and kondraki on the spot. thatd be pretty cool. "ok let me guess. you went on this wonderful journey to kfc with jack and along the way met god himself. god gave you two options, you kill jack and you get free kfc, or, you dont kill jack and you have to deal with him for the rest of your miserable life and hes gonna ruin EVERYTHING in your life. you chose killing jack, which is why jack's dead now. and now youre back with your free kfc, bothering us", kondraki guessed, telling his story so nonchalantly. "what no!??!!??!?!?! AND I DID NOT KILL JACK!!!!!!!!!!!!", mikell said defensively. what the fuck was he talking about!!!!!!! "so like. what is it man", clef asked.

"wellllllll.......", mikell giggled. "look at my fingy bro. im like getting married". clef suddenly burst out laughing. "dude... im so fucking sorry but who the fuck would wanna marry you?", clef was still laughing hysterically, which made mikell very very sad. "w-w-well for your information, im actually getting married to THE colonel sanders from kfc!!!!!", mikell argued, sniffling. kondraki soon followed clef's laughing. "oh my god dude, theyre fucking perfect for each other", kondraki giggled, tears in his eyes. "b-because theyre both so fucking ugly and annoying", clef could hardly get out because he was laughing so hard. mikell was so so sad. why were clef and kondraki so mean to him waaaahhhhh. "you guys arent getting any kfc then!!!!", mikell said. he was so depressed 💔. "we dont want any of your crusty musty dusty rusty chicken, dude", clef replied, still laughing his ass off. "its not that funny!!! stop it guys!!!!!!", mikell sobbed. he was so sad and emo. why couldnt they just understand that it was true love? "but... it really is that funny", kondraki was out of breath from laughing so hard. "y-you guys just dont understand true love!!!', mikell sobbed. why were they so mean to him!?!!??!?!?

what mikell said only made clef and kondraki laugh harder. mikell stood there in defeat, a sad look on his face, until clef said something. "dude.... colonel sanders is fucking dead", he was still laughing, but trying to regain his composure. "YOURE DEAD!!!!!!!!!", mikell snapped back, stomping his stupid ass cowboy boot on the floor like a motherfucking 3 year old. "i cant take you seriously, man. youve gotta be fucking kidding us", kondraki replied, still laughing but doing a better job at regaining his composure than clef is. "im not!!!!! i saw him with my own two eyes!!!!!!!", mikell sobbed defensively. "he took my order, gave me my food, and then i asked him to marry me!!!". kondraki and clef were laughing even harder now, hardly able to breathe. "is-is the ring edible??", clef wheezed out, then slammed his fist on the table, basically hysterical at this point. "YOU GUYS ARE SO MEAN TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!", mikell yelled at them, then turned to leave the room with his yummy yummy kfc. kondraki and clef were still giggling about something that mikell didnt care enough about to hear. who cares if they think hes not being serious?? he was getting married to THE colonel sanders, and couldnt be happier!!!!! he sat down in his office chair, eating his yummy yummy kfc.

Chapter 3: mikell bright aka O5-6 gets FUCKING FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Summary:

i mean pretty self explanatory bro 💔

Chapter Text

mikell walked to the O5 council room the next day, feeling so so happy. he still couldnt believe he was getting married to THE colonel sanders!!! mikell opened the door to the council room, and like he was when he first met THE colonel sanders in person, he was starstruck by the man he saw standing before him. THE COLONEL SANDERS!!!!!!!!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!! "hewwoooo :3333", THE colonel sanders greeted him. mikell's heart was beating so fast. he loved loved lovedddd THE colonel sanders. "h-h-hi", mikell greeted him shyly. "so like errmmm.... whens the wedding >///<", THE colonel sanders asked. oh shit. oh fuck. mikell hadnt even thought about the wedding date. "u-uhhh i dunno...", mikell replied. this was not good. "what?!?!?!?!?! you havent set a wedding date yet?!?!??!!", THE colonel sanders began sobbing. "d-d-do you even love me!?!?!?!?! ╥﹏╥". mikell began panicking. "o-of course i love you!!! i just havent given it much thought yet, thats all!!!!", mikell replied quickly. yeah, this was not good. "so you dont put much thought into our relationship?!?!?!??! y-you dont care?!!?!??!?!??! (๑•̀д•́๑)", THE colonel sanders started sobbing even harder. "n-no its not that!!! its just yknow.. we've only been engaged for a day!!", mikell replied quickly again, trying to reason with THE colonel sanders. but THE colonel sanders just started sobbing even harder.

what THE colonel sanders said next shocked mikell to his very core. "m-maybe it is for the best that i tell you this. mikell... youre getting fired from the O5 (ꐦ𝅒_𝅒)", THE colonel sanders said. "WHAT?!!??!?? WHYYYY??????", mikell asked, desperate for an answer. why would the O5 ever wanna fire him??? he was a good worker!!!!! "they voted for it. you gotta go >:(", THE colonel sanders said simply. mikell was in disbelief. he had spent so many years working at the O5. "y-you gotta help me!!! please THE colonel sanders!!!!!!!", mikell begged. he was so desperate to get his job back. "i cant >:[", THE colonel sanders replied. "NO NO NO NO PLEEEAASSSEEE!!!!!!!!!! IF THIS IS ABOUT THE WEDDING DATE THING I CAN FIGURE ONE OUT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!! PLEASEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!", mikell begged again. he didnt have a wedding date in mind, but anything to get his job back!!!!! "well, i cant because.... im taking your job. im the new O5-6 >:3", THE colonel sanders replied. he sounded as if he was soooo cool. "WHATTT?!?!?!?!!?!", mikell was very very very very very shocked. he couldnt believe it. he lost his job, and now the man he thought he loved was taking it. "its true, mikell. and im not sorry hehe >:3", THE colonel sanders said, pure evilness in his voice. mikell didnt know what to say. he was shocked. this was NOT very cool of THE colonel sanders.

"w-why would you do this to me?", mikell asked THE colonel sanders. he was desperate for answers. "errmm i didnt do this to you!! the O5 did. i just took the job :3", THE colonel sanders replied, a silly smile on his face. "b-but.... you still took the job", mikell replied helplessly. he didnt know what to do now. "errmm yeah because i thought that working at the scp foundation would be pretty cool :33", THE colonel sanders said heartlessly. this didnt make sense to mikell. it just didnt. "but... you have a company that makes lots and lots of money... why would you wanna do this?", mikell asked. he mightve hated THE colonel sanders so much right now, but he wanted to know why. "well.......... because im shutting down kfc. no more chicken!!!! >:3", THE colonel sanders presented this idea he had very horribly. "WHAT!?!??!?! WHY???????!!!!!!!!!!", mikell asked, shocked again. "i became sick of kfc!!! duh you silly goose!!!! :3", THE colonel sanders giggled evilly. "but i.... but i loved you", was all mikell could say. he couldnt believe one word THE colonel sanders said. "welllllllllll you loved the wrong person obviously!!!! ^_^", THE colonel sanders giggled evilly again.

mikell stood there, shocked. he didnt know what the fuck was going on. then, he felt something hit the side of his head. mikell was so flippy flipping shocked that he didnt even register that it was A BULLET!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! until he hit the ground, blood spilling from his skull. "hahaha lmfao bozo", a voice said. mikell recognized it. it was joseph motherfucking tamlin. the zestiest zesty that ever zestied. "haiii joey >_<", THE colonel sanders said to joseph. "hi. so glad hes dead now bro he was mad fucking annoying", joseph looked down at mikell with a scowl. "yeah, he reawwy reawwy sucked ^_^", THE colonel sanders giggled. "old ass", joseph said, lightly poking mikell with his stupid ass dress shoes that he always wore. stupid ass joey. now mikell had no idea what the actual flip was going on. joseph came out of fucking nowhere, and now mikell was on the ground fucking bleeding out. joseph and THE colonel sanders had walked off, talking about cool O5 shit idk, leaving mikell to still bleed out on the crusty musty dusty ass floor. GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mikell like. fucking died from blood loss. rest in pizza mikell. this was such a sad moment bro. but lmfao the old ass deserved it lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. ok yeah that was the it the end the bye.

Notes:

bro why did u read this this is literally so dumb 😭😭 anyways yeah i swear i was just being a little too silly. i was honestly so hesitant about even doing this like its a motherfucking joke fanfic suck it up layn 💀 yeah anyhow ill see you again maybe soon idk like in 30 years when i get off my ass and write more stuff. yeah 😎😎