Archive of Our Own ^beta

> ... You want to cut your hair?

Ichikas body jolted when the phone vibrated in the table, seeing the notification and reaching for it with shaky hands.

Part of her — his mind was telling him this was a horrible idea. That he should just say this was a joke. That he could say this wasn't him and instead Saki texted it as a tease or something. That—

> Ichika. Stop overthinking and focus on me. Are you sure on chopping your hair off? I won't judge or question you.

Ichika blinked.

With shaky fingers, his answer was typed.

> yeah.

*****

Shiho had wondered why Ichika didn't go to classes for a whole week. All three of them were very aware Ichika was far from the type that would just skip classes for fun and their worry about such a fact was noticeable.

All of them had contacted Ichika and the answer was the same. 'Ah, I caught a cold!' when they were all also aware that Ichika would rather die than miss a day of classes. While Saki and Honami were a bit more insistent with the questions... Shiho was a bit more similar to Ichika.

She knew that, with enough space, Ichika would eventually feel comfortable to reach out to her and maybe confide in her whatever was bothering the girl.

Well. Not exactly a girl, as Shiho just came to learn. But the reaching out thing did turn out to be true. One point for her.

"... How short would you like it to be? Here? Here?" Shiho slowly raised the scissors in her hands while holding a lock of Ichikas hair. She could notice how tense the other was, so the slow movements and calm voice were a bit of a necessity to not stress Ichika even further.

"... A bit over my chin... Yeah. There." His voice was quiet and cautious, as if scared of admitting it to Shiho. She just smiled, nodding slightly and taking a deep breath.

"Feel free to talk if anything is bothering your mind, yeah? I know you already told me you're not a girl but... Anything else in specific you'd like to tell me or stuff. Not like your parents will be home today, anyways." Ichikas nod made Shiho release a breath she wasn't aware she was holding.

The small smile in his face was also a good sign.

Shihos hands slowly made their work through the hair, holding lock by lock and slowly chopping them out. Helping and allowing Ichika to leave this past self behind and say hello to the real him. Their reflection in the mirror stared back at them, as if to prove this was really happening.

As if to remind Ichika that this was real.

"... I'm... Not really a boy, either. It's complicated." Ichika sighed, one hand taking hold of a lock that fell on top of his lap. "... It's so weird, you know? I know I'm not a girl and feel more like a boy or something, but... I'm also not that as a whole. And it stresses me a bit. Because if I'm not a boy... What am I?"

Shihos simply nodded, letting him speak freely. She wouldn't just interrupt her friends words. It must be liberating to be honest about something you've been holding out for so long and she's really glad Ichika trusted her, the old and easily annoyed Shiho, with that. It's not like Shiho was fully a girl either, but that's a whole other thing to unpack.

Her hands slowly made progress up and above Ichikas hair length, getting shorter the more snips echoed in the bathroom. Part of Shiho felt tempted to run her hands through Ichikas somewhat longer hair a final time, but...

Perhaps, running them through their short length would feel even better. Not only for Shiho, but both of them.

"This question has been sort of haunting me for a week. I couldn't even get out of my bedroom because... What would others say? I told mom and dad I was staying in because of a cold and was getting the school classes with you guys but... The reality is that I just couldn't face you all. Not just you all, but I couldn't face myself, either. Because that wasn't the Ichika I felt like."

Ichikas voice wavered slightly. Shiho took some time and brushed some hair off his shoulders as tears slowly ran down Ichikas cheeks. Shiho wished to clean them away too, but not right now. The scissors in her hands were dangerous, yeah. That's the only reason why.

"I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. That wasn't me. It couldn't be... I didn't feel like that. Why did I look like that? The one I saw on the mirror felt more like a stranger to me than myself... I wanted to scream. To smash it whenever I looked at my reflection after a shower. Why? Why was it staring back at me? And whenever that happened, some thoughts plagued my mind... If that wasn't me, then was the Ichika you all cared for a fake? Wouldn't you all get angry at me?"

Never.

"Because I lied! The Ichika you all knew was a fake! She was never a girl! And after fighting so hard to get you three again, I would just... Ruin things again. Make you all disappointed. I'd... End up alone. Again. I didn't... Want you all to leave me. Which is ironic because I just... Locked myself away, to hide from the world."

A last snip, Shiho admired her work for a single moment before smiling softly, placing the scissors on the sink before putting her hand on the top of Ichikas head, running the fingers through the short hair. Ichikas sobs slowed down for a second, as if the fingers scratching through her scalp were a reminder that he was there, that things were fine, now. Because with Shiho, things would always be fine.

It was funny, though. Ichikas hair...

... It felt the same as always in her hand.

"... You're wrong. She was never a girl... That's wrong." Ichika froze, Shihos hand running further and further down, feeling the cold skin in her fingertips before leaning down slightly, hugging Ichikas back tightly and burying her head on the shoulder. "... He was never a girl. But that's okay. He's still my Ichika... Our Ichika."

She felt a bit embarrassed on the my that slipped from her lips, but it was true.

This wasn't the same Ichika as ever... But it also was. The exact same nervous, endearing Ichika that made Shiho learn what it means to care for someone.

Ichikas hands slowly came upwards to hold onto the arms hugging him, nuzzling his head against Shihos slowly, as if scared Shiho would just disappear instantly upon contact, and with tears still streaming down his cheeks, a weak and quiet voice spoke to her.

"... Are you really sure? That this is fine? That... This won't change anything?"

Shiho gave one of her rare warm smiles, slowly distancing her head from Ichikas shoulder and carefully lifting his face to look at the mirror.

"... It could never change anything. Not when it's you we are talking about... This is still the Ichika I came to know and love."

Ichika stared at his reflection.

He stared back. The real him.

His eyes blinked slowly, slowly processing the fact this was him in the mirror. Shiho observed from behind the chair, tilting her head slightly as if to make sure Ichika was fine... He was.

Ichikas body was never too 'feminine' in the way most people usually imagine. His waist was never defined and his chest was practically non existent when compared to other girls, but the short hair... He didn't dislike the long hair honestly, but this way... It just sort of assured him that others would see him for who he is. Not a girl. Surely not a boy either, his face traits still looked feminine up close, but... The simple fact they wouldn't see Ichika as a girl was assuring.

... Maybe he could try and ask Saki for help on makeup if she was fine with this, too... Saki was kind. She probably wouldn't mind Ichika not being a girl... Right?

... Ah.

Ichika snapped away from his thoughts as a quiet chuckle echoed in the bathroom, eyes sniping upwards and staring at Shihos figure, one hand covering her mouth and eyes closing slightly at the smile. Ah. His cheeks felt a bit warm...

"What's so funny?" Ichika asked, hoping Shihos wouldn't immediately laugh at the question. Or say he still looked like a girl. Or that this was all a lie and—

—... Ah. Right. No overthinking... Yeah. Shiho told him that before. Ichika could do that... Probably.

"Nothing. It's just nice to see you frozen solid at your reflection for a good few minutes after being so nervous about this." She rested her body on top of the sink, smirk slowly fading from her face and instead giving place to a small, genuine smile. "... You look really handsome like this, Ichi-kun."

Huh.

"Who's that?" Ichika instantly asked, almost slapping himself on the face for the stupid question.

"Ichika, last I remember we are the only people in this bathroom. It's you." Arms crossed and an eyebrow raised, Ichika finally laughed... Yeah. Being called that felt... Nice. Good.

Ichika stared back at Shiho, smiling. This... Really was himself, huh. Not only that but... There was something specifically pretty about Shihos own short hair, and Ichika felt warm realizing that now, their hair were similar.

Ichika hoped Shihos heart was beating in a similar way to his, too.

"... Thank you for this, Shii-chan." His voice had a teasing tone towards the end, noticing the surprised jump Shiho gave before she chuckled back at him, getting out of the sink and messing with his hair.

"Come on, now... Don't call me that. Incredible how even with a hair cut you are still the same Ichika I knew, huh..." Ah. Hearing that felt nice. "... Also, you should probably shower, now. Even if just to clean the random hairs strands that will probably haunt this bathroom and you for the next few days and wash your hair."

Ichika laughed, looking down and wow yeah the hair was probably going to stay around for some time huh.

As soon as Shiho threw the pile of hair she was able to get in the trash, Ichika noticed her preparing to leave the bathroom and possibly wait for Ichikas shower on the bedroom, but...

"... Shiho." His voice came louder and more confident than expected, a complete contrast to how he actually felt, ah. "Would you care to join me? This way we can also make sure you won't be bringing any stray hairs home with you later and..." He took a deep breath, nodding and smiling. "I want to spend some more time with you, Shii-chan."

After the initial surprise from Shiho — very noticeable by her face — her laugh was warm. Comforting. Ichika could feel his heart beating faster for just a moment as he stared at her smile and the way she got closer after closing the bathroom door again, hesitantly holding one of his hands.

"... Dumbass. If you wanted me to sleep over, you could just have said so." Eh?! "Come on, now. Hope you have some old shirt to lend me for tonight."

Ichika hesitated for a moment, feeling the soft pull on his hand.

But the calming, reassuring small smile in Shihos face brought him in. A tender, gentle hold as Ichika allowed himself to laugh along Shiho. Ichika wasn't alone.

Together, under the evening lights, they bathed, with soft laughter echoing in the bathroom and the warm, comforting feeling of skin on skin.

*****

Yaaawn.

Ichika chuckled at Shihos yawn, continuing to dry her hair as she frowned at him.

"So I come here, reassure you and cut your hair for you and what I get is you laughing at my yawns?" One raised eyebrow, Ichika easily noticing how hard Shiho was fighting not to let the smile she was hiding appear.

"Hmm... Kinda, yeah. But you also get company for the night." He smiled, not sure why Shihos cheeks got red with that but still happy with the heartwarming view, ruffling her hair one final time for good measure before leaving the bedroom to take the towel away.

"Stupid, oblivious Ichika... You should stop just flirting with me so mindlessly..." Ichika heard her mumbles from the room, smiling to himself. He wasn't really flirting, but... It didn't sound half bad. Quite the opposite, actually... It sounded very nice.

"... Hope you're not too bothered by us sharing and you only using the shorts." He entered the room again, noticing Shiho arranging the pillows in the bed and sitting there alongside her, slowly approaching more and resting his head over her shoulder, nuzzling it once before hugging her waist.

"Don't worry about it... I mean, we did bathe together. It's fine if it's you." Ichika felt warm by hearing that, closing his eyes and laughing to himself as he tightened the hug, listening to Shihos complain before throwing himself into the pillows and pulling her down alongside him. "Wasn't done arranging our pillows, you know."

Cute. Not that it was really necessary, considering Ichika was currently hugging the softest cutest pillow in the world. Ah, was that too sappy? Saki would probably say she sounds like one of those princely shoujo manga characters...

"Don't care. You spoiled and helped me with this, so... It's only fair if I pay it back to you."

"As if I need that."

Ichika hugged her closer, fingers softly tracing through her stomach and feeling the skin under them, possibly with the dumbest smile in the world on his face as Shihos groaned, eyes fluttering close and body coming ever so slightly closer to Ichikas. He couldn't hold a giggle when Shiho peeked her tongue out at him.

"Tickles?" His head tilted slightly, Shihos pout almost audible in the situation.

"It's just embarrassing." Maybe the truth, but Ichika knew very well how ticklish she was, too.

"Come on, I just want you close to me... It's not everyday I get to have a sleepover with one of my childhood friends these days you know?" Ichika held one of Shihos hands, the other continuing to hug her waist close as Shiho sighed.

"Yeah yeah, sure... I guess it's also not everyday I get to have a sleepover with someone so important to me." A soft sigh, but Ichika could tell it wasn't out of annoyance or anything... Instead, it sounded as a sigh of comfort. "Thanks for trusting me with this, Ichika. And... Thank you for being there, too."

Shiho pulled the blanket over the two of them, eyes closing as Ichika stared at Shiho asleep for a few minutes, heart still beating like crazy over her words and cheeks warmer than ever.

Gently, the hand holding her hand came up to play with the fluffy gray hair just for a bit, giving a short lock a fluttering kiss before comforting himself once again.

"... No. Thank you Shiho, for being there for me... I love you."

The moonlight shone upon them, Ichika slowly falling into a warm, comforting slumber, filled with dreams about his new life.

A small smile.

"... I love you too, Ichika. Good night."