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Chapter Text

Gina walks into her new barracks and drops her rucksack by the bunk beds. Apparently some girl washed out at the end of basic, and left another plebe (West Point for freshman) without a roommate. Gina, who was previously assigned to a three person room, is being moved to room with the cadet who was left alone. She isn’t going to complain about having one less person in her personal space, though.

She looks around her new shared living area. It’s smaller than her previous room, but that’s expected. That’s why this is a two person space. Her new roommate has apparently claimed a space on the shelf by the door for her gear, and everything looks orderly. Boots are clean and polished. Nothing lying on the floor or on one of the bunks. No scattered papers around the desks.

One of the desks has also been claimed, though–clearly–as an open laptop is sitting out. Gina rolls her eyes at that. You’re supposed to lock that away when it’s out of use. She’ll have to address that with her new roommate, because Gina has no interest in getting negative marks on morning room inspection.

Gina hears the room door open, and turns to see her new roommate, Nina Salazar entering. Gina recognizes her, having seen her during basic training, but they never really interacted.

Salazar is wearing standard PTs, and shower shoes. Her hair is damp, and she’s holding a towel and a toiletry pack. She smiles when she sees Gina. She’s kind of pretty. Not that it matters. Not that Gina should be thinking that, anyway. She pushes that thought into the box in her head she keeps for those type of thoughts.

“Roomie!” Salazar says. “I was wondering when you’d get here. It’s been weird the past couple of nights here by myself.”

Weird? Sounds like heaven to Gina.

“You didn’t appreciate the solitude? Even after getting yelled at all day every day for six weeks?” Gina asks. Gina is partial to alone time as it is. But constantly being surrounded by hundreds of people–many of whom were screaming instructions at her–during basic really drove that feeling home.

Salazar shrugs. “It’s not really the college experience, though, is it? Being alone like that.”

The “college experience” isn’t really a reason to come to West Point. And Gina’s more than a little irked that this girl doesn’t get that. Gina starts to envision a nightmare scenario where her roommate is the military academy equivalent to that movie with the actress from Pleasantville playing a sorority girl that gets into Harvard Law (yes, Gina watched it, but only 2 or 3 times, and only because entertainment options on a military base can be limited, not because she really likes it, she swears). She has to cut that off before it can happen.

“You’re at the United States Military Academy. If you wanted the college experience, you should have gone to some state university somewhere,” Gina says.

Salazar deflates a little. “I guess,” she says.

It’s not that Gina wants to be rude. It’s that she doesn’t care if she’s rude if she gets her greater point across. Her mom was a mustang–an enlisted soldier who was able to, through hard work, become a commissioned officer–and Gina saw how hard her mom worked, but how limited her career path was having not entered the service as an officer. Gina has always known that she could do so much more, herself, if she starts her career in a more advanced position. So West Point has always been her dream. Coming out as a 2nd lieutenant. Captain’s bars by 25. Major by the time she’s 30. She sees herself as a full-bird colonel by the time she turns 35, and she would love to celebrate her 40th birthday as a brigadier general. And you don’t get there by not being fully committed.

Silence hangs in the air for a moment, and Gina almost resumes unpacking her gear before her roommate speaks again.

“So, anyway, you’re Genevieve Porter, right?” the roommate says, extending her hand. And speaking in a weird almost British accent for some damn reason?

“I’m Nina Salazar. But my friends call me Nini. You can call me Nini, if you want.” She pauses, but just for a microsecond. “I would really like it if you called me Nini.”

The warm exuberance Salazar had when they first met has been replaced with a hyper-nervous energy. And again, the accent thing. Almost as if she’s desperate to salvage some type of close roommate bond. Gina would think she’s cute, but that's not a thought she can have, so she shoves that into the box in her mind, too, and decides Salazar is annoying.

And Gina is absolutely not going to call a fellow adult she just met “Nini.”

“It’s the Army, Salazar. Let’s just stick with last names, yeah?” Gina says, using the most condescending tone she can muster.

Salazar deflates even further. “If that’s what you want,” she says quietly.

Gina nods, and Salazar slinks away quietly to sit at her desk. Gina doesn’t feel bad about breaking her spirits. It will either make her more ready for the tests they’ll face as cadets and Army officers, or it will be another step towards pushing her out of West Point. If the former, great. If the latter, well, Gina wouldn’t be surprised.

She can feel Salazar’s eyes on her as she unpacks the rest of her gear, and prepares her uniform for the next day. Gina plans on getting up early to PT with members of her company who have failed to meet the minimum standard for physical testing. West Point is all about learning and showing leadership skills. And since plebes aren’t allowed to speak outside the buildings on campus, she figures the best way to exhibit that leadership is by example.

Once she’s done, Gina checks her watch and sees it’s only about 10 minutes until lights out. Salazar, who hasn’t stopped staring daggers at Gina since their last interaction stands up.

“Okay, Porter,” Salazar says, saying Gina's last name as though she's swearing. Her voice is no longer timid or nervous. “I’m not going to try to force my friendship on you. But I’m also not going to be a pushover. You can’t talk to me like you did before. We’re going to be roommates this year, so we have to co-exist. So I’ll keep my head down and stay in my lane, and you just do the same, and we'll get through this.”

Gina certainly didn’t expect that monologue. And she thinks in the interest of co-existing, it’s probably a bad idea to make a joke about how long she thinks Salazar was probably thinking about what to say before she finally said it. So instead she just says, “Great.”

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Gina’s decision to attend corrective PT on the first day of classes, despite not being required to attend, ends up being a bust. One of the firsties (a senior in West Point language) yells at her for being a try-hard and veering out of her lane.

But it’s just as well, because her classes are wearing her out far more than Gina would admit to anyone. Ironically, the one class that doesn’t add to her fatigue is her combative class.

She can handle physicality. That’s what she’s trained herself for, for years. But the academic side of the school is taking her longer to adjust. Specifically the Fundamentals of Electrical Engineering class she has to take. It’s not related to her major—Defense and Strategic Studies—at all. And Gina understands that West Point is, at its heart, an engineering school, and all cadets have to take at least one engineering class. And she’s glad to be getting it behind her. But it’s so dull, she has trouble focusing enough to understand it.

It’s not that Gina isn’t smart. She knows she is. But everyone at West Point is smart. They wouldn’t be here if they weren’t. Even her soup-sandwich of a roommate is probably smart.

Speaking of Salazar, she certainly isn’t helping with Gina’s fatigue.

While Gina easily met her company’s physical testing requirements, Salazar has yet to reach the standard (she begrudgingly admitted to Gina that she had not been able to meet the 15:30 two mile time that was required). Because of that, Salazar has had to wake up at 05:00 every morning the first week to attend corrective PT until she is able to achieve her time. And she always wakes Gina up in the process.

On Thursday, this caused an argument.

Salazar returns to the room just before 07:00. She’s sweaty, she looks tired, and her shoulders are slumped. Not a good sign.

“I take it you still couldn’t get your time?” Gina asks, sitting in her desk chair. The early wake-up at least allowed her ample time to make sure the room is in order for morning inspection.

“No,” Salazar mumbles. “Missed it by seven seconds.”

Gina rolls her eyes. “Maybe your legs are just too short,” she says. “Fail for another couple of weeks and maybe they’ll let you go home.”

Salazar’s head whips up then. Red-rimmed, sleep starved eyes shoot daggers at Gina.

“I can do a fucking fifteen minute two mile! I did it all the time training by myself before I got here,” she yells.

Well, if Salazar was going to raise her voice, Gina would reply in kind.

“Then fucking do it, Salazar. Because I’m sick of you waking me up at the ass-crack of dawn every day because you can’t meet the bare minimum time which almost everyone else in the company has done!” Gina replies, even louder than Salazar.

“I’m trying,” Salazar says, not lowering her voice. "I don’t know, maybe it’s the humidity or something, but I can’t find my rhythm.”

“Well let’s put the whole world on hold while Salazar gets her shit together and finds her rhythm,” Gina says as sarcastically as possible. “You don’t belong here, Salazar. You can't even give the least acceptable performance.”

“Look, fuck you. I–”

Salazar’s reply is interrupted as there are three quick knocks on their door, before a firstie—Reno, Gina knows her as—walks in.

Gina is up from her desk immediately, and Salazar turns to face the door. They both move into an at ease position—feet slightly wider than shoulder width, arms behind their backs, hands clasped at the small of their backs.

The firstie waits a moment before giving them an, “As you were,” allowing them to relax.

“You girls want to keep it down in here?” Reno says. “We can hear you all the way at the end of the fucking hall.”

Gina and Salazar look equally embarrassed, and mumble apologies.

“Just keep it down, yeah?” Reno says, and turns to walk out the door. But before she does, she turns back around. A predatory smile on her face as she looks at Salazar.

“Hey Salazar, how many days until graduation?” Reno asks.

Whenever a plebe interacts with a firstie, they’re expected to tell them how many days are left until graduation. Gina has noticed Salazar practicing giving that number every morning, but she hasn’t had a chance to get her practice in yet this particular morning.

Salazar’s eyes get wide. “Oh, um, it’s two hundred eighty, um, four. No, wait, two hundred–”

“Sounds like you need some time to think about it. How about drop and give me some push-ups while you think,” Reno says.

Gina really wants to laugh. Salazar deserves it.

“Are you smirking Porter?” Reno asks. “I hate a fucking smirker. How about you give her some company?”

Gina is no longer pleased. She glares at Salazar’s back before joining her on the floor doing push-ups.

She’s sure Salazar hates her guts, for telling her the truth. But Gina despises Salazar even more for not facing the truth, and for taking up a spot that she doesn’t deserve.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Gina’s contempt for Salazar leads her to watch her fellow cadet closely. Gina likes using her anger as fuel, and she figures there’s no greater source of anger than her infuriating roommate. Her observations typically fall into one of three categories.

• Things that amuse Gina. As much as she hates Salazar, she would never make fun of the other girl for major failures. That would be mean, and Gina is not a mean person. But fortunately, Salazar gives her plenty of ammunition to make fun of her for minor failures. For instance, when plebes are setting up the mess hall for lunch (a daily duty for all plebes) and Salazar is running across the room holding a chair and trips and falls, skidding on top of the chair right into a wall. Gina has to fight not to laugh out loud.

• Things that are fascinating, but don’t necessarily draw a positive or negative reaction from Gina. These are the little idiosyncrasies she notices, when she watches Salazar closely. Like how Salazar stares in the mirror every morning before breakfast for fifteen minutes and practices saying how many days are left until graduation, for when she inevitably interacts with a firstie. Or like how, when Salazar is struggling with her studies, she gets this determined look on her face, and scrunches up her nose, and the skin between her eyes bunches together. Or like when Salazar is tossing and turning at night, and starts humming a song Gina doesn’t recognize to herself until she stills and falls asleep. Those are the things Gina has no reaction to.

• Things that Salazar does that make Gina so angry she can hardly see straight. The way Salazar laughs and jokes with other cadets. The way other cadets gravitate to Salazar. The ease with which she seems to make friends. It infuriates Gina. And, it’s not jealousy. Not really. It’s just that Salazar is so good at disarming people with her awkward charm, or lifting someone up when they’re having a bad day. And none of that comes naturally to Gina. So Gina hates it.

Today was one of those days. While the plebes were setting up the mess hall for lunch, Gina saw Salazar go over to another cadet. Edwards? Edington? Whatever. But Ed-whatever was dragging ass the whole time until Salazar walked over, put her hand on his arm, leaned in and whispered something, and then they were both laughing. And Ed-whatever stopped moping about. Yeah, it’s great that he started actually pulling his weight, but the laughing and joking was so agitating while everyone was supposed to be working Gina is still pissed off about it that night during the two hour study period. So she decides to confront Salazar.

“What were you talking to Edwards about today?” Gina asks.

Salazar looks up from her text book, seemingly startled that Gina spoke to her. Then she looks confused. “Who is Edwards?” she asks.

“Tall guy. Glasses?” Gina answers.

“Addison?” Salazar says. “His name is Joey Addison.”

Close enough.

“Nothing. He had a hard time on a quiz, and he was bummed about it. So I told him a funny story about something I did while taking a test one time. No big deal,” Salazar says.

“What’s the story?” Gina asks.

Salazar glares at her. “It’s a story for friends, which you’ve made clear we are not.”

Gina then narrows her eyes at Salazar. “Fine. It’s probably dumb anyway. I was just asking because it bothers me that every time I see you, you’re laughing about something. Like you don’t take anything seriously. Like you don’t care at all what it means to be here. And I worked really hard–”

“You don’t think I work hard?” Salazar interrupts her, standing and placing her palms down on her desk. “I went through the same basic training you did. I study my ass off every night, and I'm doing really well in all of my classes. How is engineering going by the way?”

Okay, that was kind of a dick thing to say. Fundamentals of Electrical Engineering has been kicking her ass, and she complains about it. Loudly and nightly. But Gina knows she asked for that little jab.

“I have one of the top ten times on the indoor obstacle course for our class right now,” Salazar continues. “Yeah, I struggled with my two mile run for a couple of weeks, but I figured it out, and then I passed. I work so hard every day. And so does everyone else that’s here. So yeah, when I see a chance to make someone smile, I take it. Because you don’t have to be a stuck-up asshole all the time. You should look into that, Porter. You’re not going to be a very successful officer if everyone hates your guts. And you’re doing nothing to make people want to spend any time around you.”

Gina is taken aback for a moment. Salazar never gets angry like that. Not with anyone. Gina kind of respects it. And it’s kind of hot.

She chastises herself for thinking about how hot is almost immediately. Her mom told her a long time ago, when word got around that Gina was getting a little too close with another girl on base, it’s not her fault for having those thoughts. But when she has them, she has to push them down, and forget they exist. Lock them in a little box in her head.

So no, not hot. But she can admit to herself she respects it. She’s certainly not going to admit that to Salazar, though.

“Whatever,” Gina says. “Maybe we can just go back to not talking to each other.”

“Fine by me,” Salazar says, sitting back down at her desk.

Gina hardly sleeps that night. What Salazar said is true, she knows. Gina has done nothing to bond with her fellow cadets. When she was forced to choose an athletic club to join–a requirement for all cadets–she chose the cycling club, because she reasoned they couldn’t force her to have someone else on the bicycle with her.

Salazar on the other hand started and recruited an entire team for intramural ultimate frisbee. So not only was it a team activity, but more proof that people wanted to—and would go out of their way to be around her. More friends for Salazar, same zero friends for Gina.

Gina rolls over and faces the wall beside her bunk. If she’s going to do the West Point experience right, she has to start bonding with other cadets. No one is going to follow someone they don’t respect, and they’re not going to respect her if they don’t get to know her. But she knows she can’t do it like Salazar does. Salazar has a natural charm that, if Gina wasn’t careful, would even work on her to lower her defenses.

What does Gina have? Well, she knows she can be intimidating, if she really tries. She’s not sure if that helps, but probably not. But she can also be very observant. So she plans to observe her fellow plebes the next day and find something she can help with. Using her skills for good, instead of for finding reasons to roast her roommate.

The opportunity the next day is more obvious than Gina could have hoped for.

While walking through Grant Hall (which is similar to a student union center on a normal university campus) to grab a bottle of water, Gina sees two plebes she recognizes from her classes. Lily Evans and Howie Barnes. Gina has a class with both of them. Barnes is sitting down, and Evans is standing over him, berating him about something.

Gina has gotten a bad feeling about Evans since she first met her. Whereas Gina is cold and distant from her fellow cadets, Evans burns hot. Terrible temper. And very competitive.

On that last point, Gina can’t say much. Game recognizing game, or whatever. But she also knows you can be competitive without taking out your aggression on everyone around you. Apparently Evans never learned that lesson.

“Hey,” Gina speaks up, approaching the pair. “What are you doing Evans?”

Evans turns to glare at Gina. “This fucking moron was supposed to be holding the rope when I was descending the climbing wall during indoor obstacle course today. But he let the rope go, and it’s just dumb luck I didn’t fall and get seriously injured,” she spits.

“You didn’t give me the signal you were climbing, and I had to scramble to–”

“I’ve heard that excuse already. Cut the shit, Barnes,” Evans says.

“No, you cut the shit, Evans,” Gina says. “Sounds like an honest mistake, and possibly even your mistake. We both know you like to cut corners.”

Gina does know that. She saw Evans do that more than once during basic.

“This is none of your business, Porter,” Evans says.

“You made it my business when you started yelling at another cadet in a public space. Fuck off and leave him alone, Evans,” Gina says.

Evans turns her nose up and stomps away. Gina turns back to Barnes. “You okay?” she asks.

Barnes stands up and looks at Gina, a little surprised. Makes sense. Gina supposes she hasn’t given anyone reason to believe she would stand up for anyone. Or really talk to anyone outside of her requirements.

“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks Porter,” he says.

“No problem. But you’ve got to stand up for yourself, dude. Girls like that? If you let them, they’ll walk all over you,” Gina says.

“You’re right,” Barnes says. “Well, thanks again. See you around, Porter.”

He offers her a quick slap on her back and walks away. As Gina turns to leave she sees Salazar walking past giving her a strange look. Salazar doesn’t say anything, and Gina chooses to ignore it.

That night, Gina and Salazar have garbage duty for their hall. So before the study period begins, they have to go room to room and collect garbage from everyone, and take the garbage out. More glorious plebe duty, but at least it’s a duty that rotates between cadets, so they don’t have to do it every night.

As they’re walking between rooms, Salazar turns to Gina.

“So, I saw you defending Howie today from that terrible Lily Evans girl,” she says.

“Mmmhmm,” Gina replies.

“So, you’re like a vigilante now or something?” Salazar asks.

“It’s not a big thing, Salazar,” Gina says. “She was being too much, so I stepped in.”

“Well, I saw Howie after that. I know he appreciated it. It was a kind thing to do. You should do more stuff like that. I don’t know,” Salazar says, before shrugging and walking ahead of Gina.

Gina knows her roommate is right. She also knows she wouldn’t have done what she did today if Salazar hadn’t got in her ass the night before about being so cold to everyone. But she’s not going to admit any of that to Salazar, of course.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Gina storms into her room. She has 30 minutes before evening mess, but that should be enough time to plan Lily Evans’ downfall, if she does it right. She doesn’t even register that Salazar is already in the room when she arrives. Gina goes straight to her desk, pulls out a notebook, and starts scribbling down ideas.

“What are you doing?” Salazar asks.

It’s then Gina actually notices her roommate’s presence.

“Nothing,” Gina answers. Then, “Figuring out ways to murder Evans without getting court-martialed.”

Salazar laughs, and Gina looks over at the other cadet. Stares at her. Lets her know that she is by no means joking with just the look of pure rage in her eyes.

“Hold on,” Salazar says. “I’m not saying Lily Evans doesn’t deserve it. She does. She’s a complete dickwad. But what did she do?”

Gina debates continuing the discussion with Salazar. They’re not friends. Gina is still pretty sure she hates Salazar. Not as much as she used to. Credit where it’s due, Salazar gave her pretty solid advice to start making connections with her fellow cadets. But she still hates her.

On the other hand, her distaste for Salazar now definitely pales in comparison to her mortal hatred of Evans. So Gina decides she’ll participate. For now.

“I was in Intro to Management,” Gina explains. “And the instructor gave us time for independent study, and encouraged us to pair up to discuss some of the concepts we were going over. Anyway, I see Evans eye-rolling and shit-talking her partner. Do you know Kerzner?”

“Red head, a little shorter than me?” Salazar asks.

“I haven’t seen you two standing side by side, but I can believe she’s slightly shorter than you. But not a lot shorter, because you’re really short,” Gina says. She can’t resist the opportunity to take a slight dig at her original nemesis.

“Rude, but continue,” Salazar says.

“Anyway,” Gina says. “Evans is just being really condescending to Kerzner, so I walk over, and ask if I can help. Kerzner asks me a question about the reading from last night, and I open my binder so I can show her my notes. Evans didn’t walk away, but she shut up, so I figured everything was going ok. But then the instructor starts walking our way.”

“And what happened?” Salazar asks.

“Stupid Evans says, loud enough for the instructor and everyone else to hear, ‘Porter, I don’t think it’s very ethical to just tell her to copy your notes.’ And Captain Becker looks right at us, so I have to tell him that’s not what I was doing, but that I was just comparing notes with Kerzner. But then Evans says something about how if I was an effective leader, I would be able to explain a concept in a better way than just shoving my notes in someone’s face. And Captain Becker agreed with her, and reminded me I’m in a management class, so I needed to show more effective leadership. And then I remembered that Evans and Kerzner are roommates, and it was probably staged to make me look stupid. And I fell for it. So, yeah, now I need a plan to publicly humiliate Evans,” Gina says.

Salazar is quiet for a moment before she replies. “That’s one way you could–”

“Do you think I could ‘accidentally’ fall and pants her in the middle of the mess hall?” Gina asks.

“Pants her?” Salazar asks.

“Yeah, like pull her pants down in front of everyone. Is there any way I could make that look realistically unintentional?”

“Well, before you resort to assault,” Salazar says. “Maybe you don’t retaliate?”

“I can’t just let her win,” Gina says. “If she thinks I’m weak–”

“I can guarantee no one thinks you’re weak, Porter,” Salazar says. “I know I don’t. You’re kinda scary sometimes. And I’m not taking up for Lily Evans. She’s a human garbage bag. I get it. But she wouldn’t be coming for you if she wasn’t threatened.”

“So your advice is just roll over and take it?” Gina asks, a dead expression on her face.

“Not at all,” Salazar says. “What I’m saying is, don’t stoop to her level. Your whole thing is about living up to the standard expected of a West Point cadet. Don’t you have a running tally of people you do and don’t think should be here?”

“More or less,” Gina says. “Namely, I do deserve to be here, and you don’t.”

Salazar rolls her eyes. “Be that as it may, you’re better than trying to pull some juvenile prank to get revenge on a bully. It’s great that you tried to help someone, and I’m sorry Lily Evans turned that around on you to make you look bad, but you shouldn’t go low in response. Take the high road. The instructors, and other cadets will see that, and you’ll gain a lot more by being the person who does things the right way than being the cadet who goes all unhinged and does something stupid and emotional.”

“So Evans goes low, I go high?” Gina asks.

Salazar shrugs. “As good a plan as any. And I think you’ll gain more in the long run. Sacrificing the battle to win the war, right?”

“Strategic studies are supposed to be my thing, Salazar,” Gina says.

Salazar laughs. “I don’t know then, maybe I’m just picking some things up by proximity to your brilliant military mind.”

“Well, maybe you’re right, this time. I’ll consider dropping it,” Gina says.

And that’s the end of the conversation. Gina is glad. It was getting far too friendly. Almost like she and Salazar don’t hate one another. And that just seems wrong. But, Gina admits to herself that her roommate is right. It might feel good to exact revenge on Evans, but it won’t help her towards her ultimate goal.

Chapter Text

Gina is checking the polish on her boots. She’s aware that Salazar is still nervously pretending to shore up the hospital corners of her bunk. In reality, Salazar had all of her areas ready for inspection before Gina even returned from breakfast. So it’s clear something is up.

Gina drops her polish kit into her foot locker and stands to address Salazar. Because it’s clear Salazar wants to talk about something. And the hovering is annoying. Gina is not giving her an out because she’s getting soft, it’s just to end the hovering, she swears.

“You have something you want to talk about, Salazar?”

“No,” Salazar answers. “Well, yes. I mean, just real quick. If you have a minute.”

Annoying. Not cute. “I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t have the time. So what is it?” Gina asks.

Salazar stops adjusting her bunk and stands up straight. She takes a deep breath, and tilts her chin up. “Okay, so I feel like you and I got off on the wrong foot. And I take my share of responsibility for that.”

“Okay, so is that it?” Gina asks.

“No,” Salazar says. “I think I prejudged you. I thought you were everything wrong with the military. Everything I fear about the military. Ambitious at the expense of others. Unconcerned with how what you do can affect everyone around you, as long as you get what you want.”

“Wow, is that all? Did you also think I killed kittens in my spare time?”

Salazar scrunches up her face. “What? No. Look, what I’m trying to say is I was wrong. I’ve seen how you treat other cadets. You’re tough, but you have a good heart. Or you seem to. And you try to help people when you can. Just in your own grumpy way. It wasn’t fair of me to assume the worst about you, and I’m sorry.”

“Oh,” Gina says. “Well, thanks.”

Far too many feelings for Gina’s liking. She doesn’t want to be rude, so she hopes acknowledging and moving on will end this conversation.

“But,” Salazar continues, oblivious to Gina’s discomfort, “I’m not the only one that prejudged the other.”

“I’m not apologizing,” Gina says, almost automatically.

“I don’t expect you to,” Salazar says. “Not yet. But I know that you question my commitment. I know you wonder why I’m here. Because you’ve literally said as much hundreds of times.”

Hundreds of times seems like a bit of an exaggeration, but Gina lets it go.

“And I understand why. West Point and what it represents is very important to you. Probably been your life long dream, or something. And that’s admirable. But, I would like the chance to explain to you why I’m here. So you can better understand me, give you some context. Maybe show you just how dedicated I am.”

Gina considers it for a moment. It’s not an unfair ask. “Ok, well shoot. Tell me.”

“Not now,” Salazar says. “It’s a long story, and we have to get to class. Tonight during study time? I promise I won’t take up too much of your time, but I really don’t want you to hate me.”

Gina sighs, and rolls her eyes. But she can spare a little time. Not doing so would just make her living situation more awkward, so in the end, it will be worth it.

“Okay. I can do that. We’ll talk tonight,” she says.

It’s a pretty normal day after that, even if Gina dreads the thought of a long conversation with her roommate.

Salazar is sitting on Gina’s bunk when she walks into their room that evening. Gina agreed to hear her roommate’s story as to why she was at West Point. And while she is anything but a people pleaser, Gina likes to think she’s a woman of her word. So she’ll hear the other girl out.

Gina sits down on the bed beside Salazar. This doesn’t feel like an across-the-room conversation. Salazar rubs her hands on her PT shorts and takes a deep breath. She looks down as she starts to speak.

“I had a really tight friend group in high school. We were–well, we were all different, in a very similar way.” Gina starts to interrupt her and ask for more specifics, or maybe a clarification, but Salazar continues. “Honor code, Porter. I’m giving you plausible deniability here. Please take it,” Salazar says.

That’s enough for Gina to know what the other cadet means. There’s something in this story that Gina would be bound by the honor code of West Point to report if Salazar spelled it out. Gina thinks it’s unlikely her roommate did anything illegal. So it’s more than likely related to Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell. Different in the same way could imply that, too. Gina knows it's a stupid rule, that somehow being gay makes you a lesser soldier, but no one asked her. Maybe one day they will, though? But for now it’s clear Salazar is trying to protect either herself or friends by being vague, so Gina won’t push for more.

“Suffice to say, we were all really close. We got picked on and bullied a lot, but we looked out for one another. Always. Since we were kids. And that made us even closer.”

A fond look passes over Salazar’s face, and Gina knows she’s likely thinking about the friends in her story.

“We never did anything alone,” Salazar continues. “When one of my friends decided they wanted to audition for a play in middle school, we all got into theater. When one of our friends decided to play football, the rest of us became water-boys and girls, and when he decided he hated football we all quit at the same time! And when we started dating, we all just dated each other. For a while at least. But then, at the beginning of summer after sophomore year, my…significant other told me that they had feelings for someone else. We had been best friends for a long time, me and the person I was dating, and I think we had just outgrown the romantic part of our relationship. So there were no hard feelings.”

Gina recognizes the “significant other” as opposed to boyfriend, and it adds to  her earlier suspicions that Salazar is definitely walking the line of Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell in a way she can still tell her story. Still, it seems a little off topic.

“I thought this was going to explain why you’re at West Point, not give me the plot points of a teen drama,” Gina says.

Salazar laughs. “Okay, fair enough. But it’s relevant, I promise. So, anyway, we broke up, and I was fine with that. Decided I was going to really focus on school, and theater—after we all started doing it I became a huge theater dork—and who knows, maybe I would find someone who I could be romantic with? Or lots of someones. I was open to testing the waters. But then September 11th happened.”

Gina sucks in a huge breath. She wasn’t stateside when that happened. Her mom was stationed at Camp Zama in Japan at the time, but that was a day that changed everything. For every American, no matter where they were in the world.

“Yeah,” Salazar says. “So, two weeks later, two of my closest friends—not the one I used to date, but the other two, who were and are still dating each other, actually—announced that they were going to enlist when we graduated. I thought they were being too reactionary. That they were making a decision that they would regret. But no matter how much I tried to talk them out of it, they just became more committed to the idea. All gung-ho and patriotic. And they’re both so important to me, and I couldn’t stand the idea of them being in danger, and I couldn’t help them, so…”

“So you decided to come to West Point? That seems like an emotional decision, too,” Gina points out.

Salazar shrugs. “It was, in a way. But when I thought about it, the only possible way I could protect them, look out for them, was to become an officer. And maybe I’ll be too late–god, I hope I’m not too late–or maybe I won’t be able to do anything at all. But if by getting into leadership in the Army, I could maybe protect my friends, or well-meaning idiots just like my friends, then, I’m going to serve my country by doing that.”

Silence hangs in the air for a moment, and Gina considers what she’s heard. It all sounds so damn noble. “Leave no man behind" is seen as a Marine thing, but every branch of the military embraces that mentality, and that’s what Salazar just described.  Gina kind of respects the hell out of it? Does she respect Salazar—no, that’s not what she wants to be called—does she respect Nini now?

“Luckily, I had really good grades, and a really good ACT score, and lots of extracurriculars. I mean, frankly I had been eyeing Stanford since I was in second grade, and one of my uncles went there, so I was positioned well to get into an elite school. And I had a teacher, Mr. Mazzarra, who went to West Point. Army Corp of Engineers, who helped me with the application process. And here I am!” Nini finishes.

“Well that was really long winded,” Gina says. Nini rolls her eyes. “But thank you for telling me. That’s not a reason many people would sign away a decade of their life. Just to look out for their friends. And don’t make me regret saying this, but you’re a really solid person, Nini.”

Nini smiles. Like, the brightest smile Gina has ever seen from anyone in her life. And she has to fight the urge to get all dreamy about wanting to see that smile all the time. Every day. Lock it in the box.

“So what, you don’t hate me anymore?” Nini jokes.

Now Gina rolls her eyes. “I said not to make me regret saying it,” she says.

“And you called me Nini! Be still my beating heart,” Nini says, covering her chest with both hands, as she looks away, swooning.

“I said–”

Nini laughs. “No, I’m just teasing you. Thank you.”

“I have to admit, though. I’m a little jealous of your friend group. I never had anything like that,” Gina says.

“Friends?” Nini asks.

“Well, yeah, but I mean, someone to care about like that. I’ve had casual friends. Acquaintances, really. But I’ve never had someone that I would give up my dreams, my goals for. I’ve never cared about someone that much. And I’ve never had someone who cares about me like that.”

Why was she being so honest? Did Nini slip something in her water bottle?

“You do now,” Nini says. “Now you have me. And I have you. And we can look out for each other. Which, I didn’t think I would be saying that a few weeks ago, by the way.”

Gina didn’t expect that to change, either, honestly.

“I—I kind of started to think you were like all those bullies I grew up with. But you’re not.” Gina sees Nini swallow a lump in her throat. “I knew you weren’t when I saw you sticking up for Howie with that Lily Evans girl.”

God, Gina hates Evans.

“So, yeah, I know you’re not a bully now. You’re a good person, and you look out for others. And I want to look out for you, too. So, Genevieve, we’re going to be, um, friends.”

Gina isn’t sure what the slight hesitation was before Nini said the word “friends” was about. Was she just worried that Gina would push back against being called a friend? Understandable, if that’s it. Or was it because Nini wants more than that? Is Nini pushing down an attraction to Gina, just as Gina is for Nini? Would Gina want that? Should Gina want that? Dangerous territory, Gina knows. So she decides to just accept what Nini said at face value.

“Friends,” Gina agrees. “Oh, and if you insist on calling me something other than ‘Porter’ then I prefer Gina.”

“Gina,” Nini says, tilting her head back and forth, seeming to test the way it feels. “Okay, yeah, it suits you. I’m glad we’re friends, Gina.”

Nini pats Gina’s leg, and stands up to walk away. Gina watches her go over to her desk and take her laptop out. But Gina’s leg still tingles. She can still feel where Nini’s hand had touched her seconds ago, and those tingling sensations are shooting up her leg and into her stomach. She is very happy to have a real friend for the first time in her life. She wasn’t looking for it, but she’s glad it happened anyway. But there could be something more there, and Gina knows she has to be careful. She has to try to push whatever that is down into that box in her head and keep it there.

“Very dangerous territory,” she whispers to herself.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

“It’s not a big deal, Nini,” Gina says. “It’s just a few days.”

“Are you kidding? You’re going to be alone on Thanksgiving. I mean, I know you pretend you’re this big curmudgeon-ee, hermit person, but you stopped being that around me, mostly, so I know better, and I’m sad you’re going to be alone,” Nini says.

“It’s just Thanksgiving,” Gina says. “It’s a meal, not a real holiday. And I lined up some volunteer work with some of the upperclassmen from the cycling club. So I’ll stay busy.”

It is actually kind of a big deal, and Gina is sad she won’t be spending Thanksgiving with her mom. But her mom left on a 12 month deployment the first week of November, so Gina doesn’t have anyone to go “home” to. And it was her mom that taught her about Thanksgiving’s non-holiday status, anyway.

She is a little excited about working in the food kitchen with her cycling club teammates, though. She wasn’t lying to Nini about that. Once Gina started being open to interacting with other cadets, she figured out that, when off campus, some of her teammates were pretty friendly and helpful.

It was a firstie named Montez that invited Gina to tag along to volunteer, when Gina admitted she didn’t have Thanksgiving plans, and was staying on campus through the holiday. Gina likes Montez. She’s given Gina advice about certain instructors, and how to make sure to get the best leadership assignments, and any other number of tips on just surviving West Point. She kind of reminds Gina of Nini, in a way.

Speaking of Nini, she’s not done lamenting Gina being alone for the holiday. “Still, though. I feel bad that you’re going to be here all alone. That doesn’t seem very festive.”

“Well, when we go do the food kitchen, we’re staying that night in NYC. Montez booked a room with two beds, and said I can bunk with her. I’m going to give her half the cost of the room. But it’s a night in the city, which should be fun.”

“That’s just one night though, Gina! We’re going to be out almost a week, and you’ll be alone the other nights. Maybe I’ll skip my flight home so you have a friend here,” Nini says.

Gina rolls her eyes. “You were just talking half an hour ago about how excited you were to see your lola. You’re not missing that for me.”

Nini blushes. “Okay, yeah, that’s fair. But can’t I feel bad about abandoning my friend for a minute?”

“You’re not abandoning me, drama queen. You’re going to be with your family, like you should. If my mom was stateside, I would be going to see her. It’s fine that she’s not, and I’m going to have a nice weekend,” Gina says, imploring Nini not to feel bad about leaving.

“Okay,” Nini drawls. “If you’re sure?”

“I’m sure. Now go before you miss your train and and then miss your flight.”

“Okay, I’m going.” Nini walks to the door. She looks back one last time. “You have my number, right?” Gina nods. “Okay, good. Please call me if you get a chance and let me know if you made it to the city safe. And that you’re having a good time. Have a happy Thanksgiving, Gina.”

“I’ll try to call,” Gina assures her. “And happy Thanksgiving, Nini.”

Once Nini is gone, Gina falls back on her bunk. It takes her only a minute or two of staring at the ceiling to realize how quiet it suddenly seems in her room. Since she buried the hatchet with Nini, there’s hardly ever a quiet moment. Nini is always telling Gina some crazy story from her day, or from her past, or asking Gina about her day, or what she thinks about things in general.

It’s crazy to think how comfortable Gina is becoming, being so far out of her usual comfort zone, when it comes to her roommate. But as the silence envelops her, Gina realizes how thankful she is that Nini came into her life. And how much she’ll miss her friend over the next five days.

It takes Gina longer than usual to fall asleep that night. She’s gotten accustomed to Nini humming herself to sleep. She’s gotten used to hearing Nini’s soft breathing once she falls asleep. And Gina is absolutely not going to think too hard about that.

The next morning, Gina meets Montez and two other cycling club teammates—Olvera and Driscoll (who are both in their cow year, which is West Point for junior year)—by Montez’s car. Only firsties are allowed to have cars on campus, so Montez has to drive everyone. The four girls throw their bags in the trunk, and pile into the green 1999 Honda Civic.

Once they’re off campus, Gina starts asking questions about what will be expected of her once they arrive at the kitchen in Brooklyn.

Montez laughs from the drivers’ seat. “It’s not that serious, Porter. There will be a couple of volunteer leaders, usually one in the kitchen, and one on the floor. They’ll give you an assignment when we get there. This is my third year at this kitchen, and Driscoll came with me last year, so we’ll probably work on the floor. Since you and Olvera are first timers, you’ll probably either be assigned some minor kitchen duty, or more likely clean-up duty. But just do what they ask you to do. It won’t be hard, and we’ll do some good work.”

“Then we can go enjoy the city,” Olvera, who is sitting in the backseat beside Gina, adds.

The other girls cheer that sentiment, so Gina joins in. She’s in this now.

They arrive and find street parking near the food kitchen around 10:00—or 10 AM, since they’re in the civilian world now. Just as Montez told her, everyone is given a job (and a t-shirt, which every volunteer has to wear) when they report to work. Gina helps set up the tables and chairs, and once everything is ready, she settles into her role of clean-up. Since everything is served on disposable plates, with disposable cutlery, clean-up mostly consists of regularly emptying the garbage cans, and taking the bags outside. And occasionally cleaning the serving trays when they come back empty from the floor.

It’s a busy day, but Gina enjoys having tasks to complete, and feels good about the work they’re doing, helping people who don’t have anywhere else to go for Thanksgiving. Gina herself doesn’t have anywhere else to be, so it’s nice to belong.

As they’re wrapping things up, and shutting down the kitchen, Gina notices one of the leaders from the kitchen, Glen, finishing a call on his cell phone. She hates to ask, but she did promise Nini she would try to call.

“Hey, Glen, right?” Gina asks.

Glen regards her. “Yep, something I can help with?”

“Is there any way I could make a quick call on your phone?” Gina asks. Then she clarifies, “I’m a first semester cadet at West Point, and we’re not allowed to have phones.”

“You know what, it’s Thanksgiving. Of course.” Then he thinks about it for a moment. “It’s not an international call is it?”

“Nope, Utah,” Gina answers.

“Oh, okay, yeah it’s fine then. And, um, thank you for your service.”

Gina smiles, and he hands his phone to her. Gina pulls the scrap of paper from her pocket on which Nini had scribbled her home phone number. She finds a secluded corner, and dials the number and waits for the answer.

“Hello, Salazar-Roberts residence,” says the voice of an older woman. Probably Nini’s mom.

“Hi, yes, is Nini there?” Gina says.

“She actually just stepped out,” the person on the other end of the line says. “Can she call you back?”

“Actually, no,” Gina says, more than a little disappointed she won’t get to talk to Nini. “I’m Gina Porter, her roommate from West Point–”

“Gina? I’m Carol, one of Nini’s moms!”

One of? Nini hadn’t talked much about her family, outside of her lola, and how excited Nini was because her lola always makes tocino the morning after Thanksgiving. Granted, Gina’s never asked, but she had no idea Nini has two moms.

Carol continues. “God, Nini has been talking about you non-stop since she arrived. I guess you two have gotten pretty close, huh?”

Gina blushes. “Well, yeah, she’s kind of my best friend.”

She doesn’t know why she’s opening up to this woman she doesn’t even know

“Anyway, she wanted me to call and tell her I made it to the city, and that I was having a good time. And I did and I am, so if you could just let her know? I had to borrow a phone to call, so she won’t be able to reach me back,” Gina says.

“She’ll be disappointed she missed your call, but I’ll certainly give her your message, sweetheart. Thank you so much for calling. Happy Thanksgiving!”

“Happy Thanksgiving,” Gina returns. She ends the call and returns the phone to its owner.

Some of the other volunteers are making plates of leftovers to take home with them, but Gina and the other cadets are unanimous in their decision that they’re sick of the Thanksgiving offerings, and want something different for dinner. Montez finds a small Chinese restaurant that’s open near their hotel at 31st and Broadway where they eat.

The other cadets discuss their plans for the next day over dinner. Specifically, there’s talk of whether or not it would be a good idea to try to find Black Friday deals around the city before they head back to campus. Gina isn’t sure she wants to try to find any sales, but she’s up for exploring the city a little.

The next morning, Gina wakes up around 8 AM and slips on a pair of jeans, a black quarter button top, and a black puffy coat to go out on her exploration. It’s the first time she’s worn civies in months, and there’s something at the same time comfortable and uncomfortable about wearing anything other than a uniform.

Before she leaves the room, she agrees to meet back up with the other cadets at 1 PM so that they can get lunch together, and ride back to campus.

The hotel has a complimentary breakfast, which Gina takes advantage of. She reasons that cheaply made hotel breakfast is as good as any, and it’s free which will allow her more walking around money.

She’s walking down Broadway, and watching people bustle in and out of little shops along the street. She doesn’t have a lot of people in her life to buy for. Her mom is deployed, so Gina will likely just pay for a USO Care Package to be delivered. It’s the most reliable way to get something to her mother. Other than that, there’s just Nini. And Gina would like to get something for Nini.

She spots a small bookstore as she continues walking. West Point cadets are limited on what personal effects they can have, but a book would be acceptable. It’s really the perfect gift. So Gina enters the shop.

For a Black Friday, the shop is surprisingly empty, Gina notices as the bell over the door chimes at her entry.

A middle-aged woman walks over to her.

“Anything I can help you find?” the woman asks.

Gina thinks about it. She honestly has no idea what type of book Nini would want. Gina’s preferred reading is usually biographies or memoirs of military and political leaders that she admires, and books on warfare. But that doesn’t sound like a great gift. And it doesn’t sound like Nini.

“Well I—I hope so,” Gina says. “I’m trying to buy a book—a gift for a friend of mine, and I have no idea what to pick.”

“Well tell me about your friend, dear,” the shopkeeper says.

“Oh, Nini is my best friend. She’s the nicest person I’ve ever met. And kindest. She goes out of her way to take care of people, even if they don’t ask for it. She tries to see the best in everyone. She’s really smart. And she’s really funny, but in an unassuming way? Like she doesn’t mean to be, but I know she really does? Because she always wants to make people smile.”

“Sounds like she makes you smile,” the shopkeeper observes.

“Oh my god, yeah,” Gina says. “I don’t know if I’ve smiled as much in my life as I have since I’ve known her.” Then something occurs to Gina. "I know she used to be into song writing, so maybe poetry? Does that make sense as a gift?"

The employee (owner?) nods. “I think I know just the book you’re looking for.”

Gina follows her past several crowded shelves until the other woman stops. She points to a book. “This is one a lot of young women in your situation have been buying,” she says, pointing to a book called If Not Winter: Fragments of Sappho. “But I don’t think this is the one. The translation isn’t great. It’s too literal, and loses a lot of the poetic meaning. No, I think this is the one for you.”

The older woman pulls a book from the shelves: Sappho a New Translation. “Yes, I think this one will do nicely, dear.”

Gina takes the book from her, and reads the back cover.

These hundred poems and fragments constitute virtually all of Sappho that survives and effectively bring to life the woman whom the Greeks consider to be their greatest lyric poet. Mary Barnard's translations are lean, incisive, direct—the best ever published. She has rendered the beloved poet's verses, long the bane of translators, more authentically than anyone else in English.

That sounds great, to Gina. Nini once told Gina how she used to write songs as a hobby and to express her feelings. A book of poetry, just like Gina suggested, would be perfect, really. And the greatest Greek poet, who happens to be a woman, all the better.

“I’ll take it. Thank you so much,” Gina says.

“Of course,” the shopkeeper says. “I can ring you up at the register. Would you like me to gift wrap it for you?”

“Yes, please,” Gina says.

The woman takes the book to the register and quickly wraps it for Gina, and Gina pays for the gift.

“I hope she likes it, dear,” the shopkeeper said.

“Me, too,” Gina responded. “Thank you again.”

The rest of the day and ride back to campus is pretty uneventful. Gina hides her gift for Nini away in her desk drawer when she returns to her barracks, and changes into her PTs, figuring a vigorous workout might help her sleep when she’s ready for bed.

Her assumption is wrong, as the room is just too quiet yet again that night, and she has trouble finding sleep.

The next morning, Gina knows she should get out of bed and start her day when she sees light peeking in through the room window. She has one more night until Nini returns, and sleeping in won’t make sleep easier to find later. But she’s so tired from her lack of sleep the previous night, that she just can’t make herself get up.

So instead, she lies back and stares at the bunk above her, trying to manifest Nini being there so she won’t be so bored in such a quiet room.

And somehow it works?

The door to the barracks bursts open, and Nini marches in. A day early.

“Nini?” Gina says, shooting straight up in her bed, almost bumping her head on the bunk above her.

Nini fumbles inside of her backpack, and pulls out an envelope, which she drops on Gina’s desk.

“What’s that?” Gina asks.

“That,” Nini says, “is a plane ticket to Salt Lake City. For winter break. For you. Because I felt guilty while I was there all Thanksgiving break, because I was surrounded by family and people I care about, but someone else I care about—you—was stuck here all alone. And I’m not doing that again. That’s also why I moved my flight up to this morning, so you wouldn’t be alone anymore.”

“Nini, I can’t accept that. I can’t believe you got your moms—which, by the way, you never mentioned you had two moms?”

Nini smiles sheepishly. “I, um, I worry sometimes about bringing that up. Not in the real world, not anymore. Out there, I’m very proud of my moms. I love them more than anything. But here, because of all the homophobia, and—”

“No, I get it,” Gina says. “But you can tell me anything. I’m not going to say anything you don’t want me to say. And I’m glad you got to spend time with them. And your lola. But I can’t accept that ticket, Nini. You had your moms buy me a ticket?”

“I bought it,” Nini clarifies. “I have a whole college savings that I don’t need because West Point is free. And I don’t need to save for a house, because, military. I’m going to live on bases for the foreseeable future. And I don’t need to save for a wedding, because—” she pauses. “Well, because of other reasons. But I can certainly spend a little of that money to make sure my best friend doesn’t spend Christmas alone. Or Chanukah? I don’t mean to assume your faith. Or that you even have a faith! Maybe you just don’t celebrate anything. But you’re not going to be here for two weeks by yourself when you could be coming home with me.”

This is the nicest, kindest thing anyone has ever done for Gina. She wants to cry. Instead, she crawls out of bed, walks over to Nini, and throws her arms around her.

“Thank you,” Gina says, swallowing a lump in her throat. “Thank you so much. You’re my best friend, too.”

Nini squeezes her back, and Gina thinks about the gift she bought Nini sitting in her desk drawer.

“Oh!” she says, pulling away from the hug. “I bought you a Christmas gift, too. I was going to wait to give it to you…”

“Of course!” Nini says. “We can wait. I’m going to get you an actual gift, too. We can exchange those on Christmas. Or Christmas Eve. Whichever works best for you.”

“Okay,” Gina says. “Okay. Okay.”

And she hugs Nini again.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Gina watches Nini hide the iPod she brought back from Utah in her desk drawer while they’re getting their room ready for weekend inspection (the most thorough of inspections, which takes place every Saturday morning). It's technically contraband, so it has to stay locked away. Gina noticed Nini had it the day before, and she’s noticed Nini has stopped humming herself to sleep since she returned from Thanksgiving vacation, so Gina decides to ask.

“Is that,” she motions towards the drawer, “the reason you stopped humming to yourself at night?”

Nini blushes. “You heard me?”

She looks embarrassed. Gina didn’t mean to embarrass her.

“Yeah, but, like, I never minded. You—you have a really pretty voice. It was nice,” Gina says, taking the embarrassment for herself.

“That’s sweet, Gina. It’s—yeah I’m listening to the song I always hummed on my iPod. Yes. It reminds me of home. Of my moms. And it helps me sleep,” Nini explains.

“What’s the song?” Gina asks.

“Oh,” Nini says blushing again. “It’s just a really old song my moms used to play for me when I was a kid. So, are you excited to be in charge of our company Capture the Flag team?”

It’s a redirect, obviously. But Gina lets her get away with it. And after all, Gina is excited about her leadership position. The plebes from select companies in the school are having a capture the flag competition later this afternoon. Winning company gets a banquet or something. Gina doesn’t really care about the reward. Winning is its own reward.

The competition is a tournament featuring eight of the 36 companies on campus, chosen as they are the companies that have performed best in physical skills challenges during the current semester. It’s something fun before final exams start. But it’s West Point fun, which means intense competition. Which is the type of fun Gina prefers.

Company firsties unanimously selected Gina as the captain of the team. An honor that made her very proud. Nini was very proud of her, too, which was…very nice.

After dispatching of companies Alpha One, and Delta Two with relative ease, Gina’s squad, representing company Echo Four (affectionately known as the War Elephants) is set to face company Indigo One in the finals. Indigo One, known otherwise as Ironhorse, is captained by Lily Evans. Of course.

Gina walks beside Nini as they take their positions for the start of the final game of the tournament.

“I can’t wait to win and rub it in Lily Evans’ stupid face,” Nini says.

Gina looks at Nini, surprised. “Did you just say that, or did I learn ventriloquism without realizing it?” she asks.

“I said it!” Nini says. “I hate her smug, stupid little rat face, and I hope she cries when we beat them.” Nini seems to register Gina’s shock then. “What? I can be competitive, too. And she’s the literal worst.”

But truly, Gina has never seen that side of Nini before. It’s appealing in ways that Gina knows she’ll have to lock away in that box in her head.

Gina shrugs. “Fair enough,” she says. “Let’s kick their ass.”

“Lily Evans’ ass specifically,” Nini chimes in.

The rules of the game are simple. You have to capture the other team’s flag from their base, and return it to your base. But if you are tagged on your opponent's end of the field, you’re “killed” and have to leave the game.

The competition begins, and it’s clear that Evans’ strategy is much different than Gina’s own. Gina has employed a “park the bus” strategy, with 18 of their 20 cadets on their half of the playing field. Ten cadets surround their base in case any of the other team’s players break through the frontline defense. Eight cadets are playing attack defense. They roam their half of the field in an attempt to eliminate any opponents on their half of the field that they can. The remaining two team members are the gunners, attempting to retrieve the opponent’s flag.

Meanwhile, Evans has employed a much more aggressive strategy, with 12 of their 20 cadets taking an attack position.

Gina’s team is able to quickly eliminate six of the attackers from the opposing squad, giving them a significant numbers advantage. Then, with only two players on Evans team playing defense (Evans had stayed constant with 12 attacking players), one of the War Elephants, Parker, is able to retrieve Evans team’s flag. Parker makes it almost back to midfield, before she’s trapped by the two opposing defenders. She attempts to run backwards to make space to get around them, but they have her hemmed up. So she does exactly what Gina told her to do in that situation.

Parker drops the flag, and runs as fast as she can towards the side of the field.

As Gina expected, the two defenders keep chase of Parker. Gina gives a signal to one of her attacking defenders, Bailey, to pursue the dropped flag.

Bailey, one of the faster runners in the company, charges across midfield, picks up the flag, and races back towards his own end of the field.

One of Evans’ team members, realizing what happened, moves to pursue Bailey. Bailey is approaching midfield, and the member of the other team lunges, just clipping Bailey’s shoe with her hand.

Gina stomps in frustration and looks down. It was so close to being over. But she doesn’t hear a whistle indicating Bailey was tagged. She looks up and Bailey is still holding the flag and running toward Gina’s team’s base.

Then Gina realizes the firsties who are officiating the game were too busy watching Parker, waiting for an elimination. All of Evans’ team was too busy trying to avoid being tagged, and no one else saw the tag happen. This could be the way she wins!

But a sinking feeling starts to settle in Gina’s stomach. She can see Nini’s disapproving look if she finds out Gina cheated to win. And Gina doesn't want to win that way, either.

“Hey!” she shouts over at the officials. They don’t hear her at first. “Hey!” she shouts again, waving her arms. “Bailey got tagged!”

Everyone stops running, except for one of the officials, who jogs over to Gina.

“Our player got tagged,” Gina says. “He got tagged just before he crossed midfield. The flag needs to go back there,” she adds, indicating the spot on the field where Bailey was tagged.

“Are you sure?” the official asks.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I saw it,” Gina says.

The official shrugs and blows the whistle. Bailey drops his head and walks the flag back to where he was tagged. Some of Gina’s team grumbles a protest, but Gina narrows her eyes at them, and the protests stop.

Play resumes, and both teams continue to compete for the others’ flag. One by one, every player on both sides is eliminated, until only Evans and Gina remain. They stand at the middle of the field, eyeing one another. Gina knows, if she can just get by Evans, she’s faster than the other cadet, and she can get the other flag, and get back to her own base before Evans can.

Gina fakes like she is going right, but jukes back to the left, and sprints towards Evans’ base. Evans starts to pursue Gina, but decides better, and runs towards Gina’s base.

Both captains retrieve the opposing flag, with Gina having gotten the flag a few seconds earlier than Evans.

Gina is almost at midfield, and sees Evans running directly towards her. But Gina knows, if they meet at their current rate, it will be on Gina’s own side of the field, and if she touches Evans, she’ll be able to eliminate Evans, and then Gina can walk the flag back to her base and win the game, so Gina doesn’t change her path.

Just before the two cadets run into one another, Evans steps to the side and drops her flag pole right at Gina’s ankles. Gina is running too fast and it’s too late to get out of the way. Gina trips and slides across the grass.

Evans keeps running, as Gina scrambles to get up and collect the flag so she can resume her sprint. But before Gina can reach her base with Evans’ flag, an air horn sounds, indicating Evans has already placed Gina’s flag in her base.

It’s over. Gina lost. Evans played dirty again. Gina did the right thing again. And yet Evans is the one celebrating with her teammates.

Gina hangs her head and starts to walk off the field. Nini runs up beside her and puts her arm around Gina’s shoulder.

“Hey, are you okay?” Nini asks.

“Yeah,” Gina grumbles. “Let’s just go back to the room.”

Gina and Nini trudge off together back to their barracks.

Upon entering their room, Gina immediately plops down on the bed. She’s looking at her shoes, defeated, when Nini sits beside her.

“Hey, I just want to say,” Nini says, “I’m really proud of you.”

“We lost,” Gina says.

“Yeah, but you did the right thing. You could have said nothing about Bailey getting tagged, and we would have won, but would you have felt good about that?” Nini asks.

“No,” Gina says. “But we still lost.”

Nini takes a deep breath. “And in 20 years, no one is going to remember or care who won a stupid game of capture the flag. But every cadet out there? Cadets who will one day be stationed all over the world as the leaders of the Army? They saw what you did. They saw you be an effective leader. They saw you as a fierce competitor. But more than anything, they saw your character. Gina, you have so much character. You are,” Nini pauses. Breathes again. “You are amazing.”

Gina looks up at Nini then. Nini is always a bright, warm presence, but the look she’s giving Gina is like nothing Gina has ever seen before. Adoration? Has anyone other than her mother ever adored her? Silence hangs between them for what feels like too long, so finally Gina speaks.

“Nini, I—”

Whatever Gina was going to say is knocked out of her as Nini envelops her in the tightest hug she’s ever received. A hug better than a stupid banquet. A hug, somehow, better than kicking Evans’ ass and making her cry. How could a hug feel so good?

“I’m so proud of you,” Nini says, her words muffled by Gina’s shoulder.

Oh yeah, that’s why.

Nini makes her feel so warm. So cared for. Like everything else in the world doesn’t matter. Like it’s just Gina and Nini. And there’s also other feelings that Gina has to use everything she has to push into that box in her head. A box that once seemed infinite, and like it could hold every “wrong” feeling she would ever have. Lately, when she’s with Nini, those feelings don’t feel so wrong. And that box is in danger of spilling over.

Chapter Text

“I don’t see why we needed to go to the USO lounge,” Gina says as Nini stuffs the two bottles of apple juice, two cans of soda, and three bottled waters into her backpack.

She understood Nini’s desire to visit the lounge at JFK. At that point, they had a long flight ahead of them. Two flights, in fact, as there was a layover in Dallas. Where Nini also visited the USO lounge.

“We get free stuff. Why wouldn’t I want to go?” Nini asks.

“Nini!” Gina said. “You have so many free drinks and snacks already. And you said your moms live like 20 minutes from the airport.”

“Gina!” Nini replies. “But it’s free! And they had Surge! Do you know how hard that is to find now?”

Gina doesn’t know whether to roll her eyes at Nini’s behavior, or cringe that her roommate wants to drink the toxic green beverage. “You’re so weird.”

“Look, I realize you’re jaded because you were an Army brat, and you’ve gotten to go in USO lounges like all of your life. But for me, I’ve never gotten anything free at an airport before. So I just want to say, sincerely…”

And Nini sticks her tongue out at Gina.

Gina shakes her head. She likes seeing Nini this carefree. Not that Nini is ever uptight, but being away from school, this is a whole other level of relaxed. It suits her, Gina decides.

“So are your moms picking us up? Do we need to call them?” Gina asks, motioning to a payphone.

“No,” Nini answers. “I mean, they think they are, but they also think we’re getting in tomorrow.”

“So we’re surprising them?”

“Yes!” Nini says. “Also I have something I need to do before we get there. I hope you won’t mind tagging along?”

Of course Gina doesn’t mind. Nini is literally the reason she’s not spending the holidays alone. Gina would pretty much do anything Nini asked. Not only because of this trip, but just in general. Which is a little scary to think about.

They find a cab outside the airport, and Nini directs the driver to take them to “the district courthouse on US-89.”

“Courthouse?” Gina asks as the cab pulls away from the curb. “You have an unpaid ticket or something you need to take care of?”

“Not exactly,” Nini says. “Okay, so I’m going to tell you the whole story, so bear with me, please.”

Gina nods.

“So, you know I have two moms,” Nini begins, and Gina nods. “I consider both of them my moms. But, Utah has very strict laws about gay and lesbian couples having a child. Meaning, they don’t allow it. At all. Lesbian or gay couples are not allowed to adopt children, and, as was the case with my moms, even biological children are at risk of being taken away from their parents if the parents aren’t a traditional heterosexual couple. Not an official policy or anything, the latter part, but DCS will look for any reason to remove a child from a home with same-sex parents.”

“You got taken away from your moms?” Gina asks, horrified.

“No, luckily not,” Nini says. “But people tried more than once to get me taken away from them. Assholes would call DCS and make false claims about how I was being abused, or worse. So my moms had to pretend not to be together. I had to tell people that Mama C—Carol, who you talked to—was my mom’s roommate. Sometimes child services would just drop by, so we had to have a bedroom made up to look like it was Mama C’s room. And I couldn’t call her my mom in school or anything, to avoid the attention.”

Nini swallows hard, and Gina can see tears forming in her eyes.

“It sucked, you know?” Nini says. “Because she’s just as much my mom as Mama D—Dana, who you will also meet. But Mama D is my biological mother, so in school, or around strangers, she was the only one I could call mom. And it’s so unfair.”

Gina rubs Nini’s arm to console her.

“But, I turned 18 just before we reported to West Point. And I always promised myself that when I’m 18, and all those homophobic assholes can’t take me away from my family anymore, that I was going to change my name to recognize both of my mothers. So, when I was here at Thanksgiving—on Black Friday, actually—I filed the paperwork to legally change my last name to Salazar-Roberts. Roberts is Mama C’s last name. And today I have to go in front of a judge, and as long as he approves, my name will be officially changed.”

It’s so much to take in for Gina. That these two women had to endure so much. That they did so while raising such an amazing daughter. That Nini had to pretend one of her parents wasn’t her parent. That Nini found a way to honor both of her moms, and that now she’s prepared to take the final step.

Gina is overwhelmed. And Gina Porter does not cry in front of anyone. Not since she was ten, and her older brother moved out leaving her alone with her mom, who was always busy, and always being transferred to a different base, somewhere. But she can’t help it. She feels the tear sliding down her cheek and angrily moves to wipe it away with her sleeve.

“This is a really special thing you’re doing,” Gina manages to choke out.

“It is,” Nini agrees, wiping away her own tears. “God, that sounded conceited. I don’t mean it like that. I just mean, this is something I’ve wanted to do for so long, and it’s a really special day. And—”

“And?” Gina asks.

“I’m really glad you’re going to be there with me?” Nini says shyly.

Gina slides over in the back seat and hugs Nini. Nini leans her head against Gina’s chest and wraps her own arms around Gina’s midsection.

When they arrive at the courthouse, Nini guides them both to the fourth floor. She checks a sheet of paper she’s pulled from her jacket (they had to leave their bags downstairs), walks to the end of a hall, and pushes open a large wood door, revealing a courtroom. Gina and Nini take a seat in the back of the room and wait to hear Nini’s petition called.

It takes about an hour, but finally The Petition for Name Change by Nina Simone Salazar is called, and Nini makes her way to the podium in front of the judge’s bench.

“Ms. Salazar?” the judge says.

“Yes, your honor. Cadet Salazar,” Nini answers into the microphone attached to the podium.

The judge reviews several papers on his desk.

“Right, you’re a cadet at the United States Military Academy, I see here.” he says, still reviewing all of the papers, not looking up. “Looking through your paperwork, everything appears to be in order. Since you’re enrolled at a military academy, I’m going to wave the background check. I also see that you’ve already paid the $525 fee for a name change, and the $375 petition fee. So I just need to ask why you wish to change your name?”

Nini takes a deep breath. “Your honor, my last name is Salazar, because that’s my biological mother’s last name. And I’m proud to have her name. But I was raised by two parents, and I wish to honor them both, so I’ve petitioned to have my last name changed to Salazar-Roberts. To carry the name of both of the people who raised me.”

She says it with such ease. Such proud conviction. Gina wonders if she practiced that speech like she practices reciting how many days are left until graduation every morning at school

The judge nods. “The court can find no issue with that. So, I approve your petition, and, per your petition, your name will be legally changed to Nina Simone Salazar-Roberts.”

The judge scribbles what Gina imagines is his signature, and hands a piece of paper to a clerk, who stamps the page. The paper is then handed to a bailiff, who passes it to Nini.

“Cadet Salazar-Roberts, take this approval to the DMV to update your ID, the Office of Social Security to update your social security information, and because you’re active duty, you should report the change there, as soon as possible.”

“I will report the change as soon as I return to West Point, your honor,” Nini says.

“Very good,” the judge says. “Thank you for your service, cadet.”

When they get back in the cab, Gina notices Nini’s hands are shaking when she gives the driver her home address.

“Excited about telling your moms?” Gina asks.

“Yeah, I am,” Nini says. “Also I’m a little nervous. Not about telling them about my name, but about, you know, them getting to meet—”

“You’re nervous about your moms meeting me?” asks, feeling her muscles tighten.

“Yes,” Nini says. Then she must pick up on Gina’s discomfort, and quickly adds, “I’m not nervous for you! Or that they won’t like you or anything bad, I promise. They’ll love you. I’m nervous because I haven’t brought a new friend home since first grade, and I’m terrified they’re going to embarrass me.”

Gina relaxes a little. She’s still nervous, but if Nini had any reservations about Gina meeting her family, Gina doesn’t know if she could go through with it. Still, Gina decides to break the tension a little.

“So,” Gina says, “do you think you’ll do the accent? Mum, mum, this is me mate Gina, innit?” Gina says, doing her own terrible accent.

Nini playfully slaps Gina’s arm. “I do not sound like that.”

“No, my accent was way better,” Gina says.

“It was not!” Nini says. “And mine is RP, you were doing a terrible Cockney accent. You didn’t even sound like Julie Andrews!”

Gina stops and looks at Nini. “Julie Andrews? Is that who you’re trying to sound like?”

Nini turns beet red and ducks her head. “No,” she mumbles. “Please forget I said that.”

Gina leans over trying to get Nini to look at her, but she won’t.

“Never gonna happen Salazar-Roberts,” Gina says proudly. “There’s a story there. And if you won’t tell me, I’m betting my best friend Carol will.”

“She’s not your best friend! You’ve spoken to her one time!” Nini says. “She’s my mom!”

“I’m terrified they’re going to embarrass me,” Gina says in a mocking high pitched voice. “Yeah, Carol is giving that story up and you know it.”

“Gaaaaahhhh, this was such a bad idea,” Nini groans. “I should have left your ass at school.”

“You don’t mean that,” Gina says. She knows Nini was joking with her, but that feeling of being less important or less wanted that she’s had for so much of her life, living with a mom who was always so busy creeps in, and she really needs Nini to give her affirmation.

Nini seems to sense that. Of course she does. “No, I don’t,” Nini says quickly. “Not at all. I’m very happy you’re here.”

Gina relaxes then, and they ride in silence for a moment before Nini speaks again.

“You’re the first person in my life, from my actual life to call me Salazar-Roberts, you know?” Nini says. “It feels pretty good.”

Gina smiles. “That’s an amazing thing you did. Your moms are going to be so proud.”

Nini shrugs and ducks her head. “I mean, it’s the least I can do. I’m the one that’s proud of them. With all that they had to put up with. They’re so strong. They inspire me to be brave, because they’ve had to be so brave my whole life.”

The cab pulls up outside a white modern Victorian house with black shutters. There is snow on the ground, but judging by the hedges that line the front of the home, it appears to be nicely landscaped. And it looks like a really lovely home to have grown up in.

Gina and Nini climb out of the cab and pull their bags from the trunk. They walk the shoveled walkway up to the front door. Nini visibly stills herself and takes a deep breath before ringing the doorbell. Gina hears shuffling inside, and then footsteps coming toward the door.

“Were you expecting someone,” a voice shouts from inside. It sounds like Carol, if Gina remembers correctly. She hears a muted reply being shouted back, but she can’t make out what is said. Then the door swings open.

A blonde woman, about the same height as Nini, stands at the door. Recognition immediately shows in her eyes.

“Nini!” she exclaims, moving quickly forward to wrap her daughter in a giant hug. She lifts Nini off the ground for a moment before setting her back “You surprised me, kid!”

“That was the plan,” Nini laughs. Then, seeming to realize that Gina was standing at her side. “This is Gina! Gina, my mom Carol.”

“Nice to meet you in person,” Gina says, smiling and extending her hand.

Carole has other ideas, though, and aggressively hugs Gina, too. “I’m so glad we finally get to meet the Amazing Gina!” Carole says, muffled by Gina’s shoulder.

Gina would never consider herself a hugger. She’s closer to an anti-hugger. In fact, since giving her mom an awkward side-hug before boarding a plane for West Point, Nini is the only person she’s allowed to hug her. So Gina pats Carol’s back thinking that will end all the hugging.

It doesn’t. Carol hugs her tighter, and Gina decides to just give into it, wrapping her arms around Nini’s mom and giving her a squeeze.

Finally Carol lets Gina go and turns around to shout, “Dana! Nini and Gina are here.”

There’s a moment of quiet, and then footsteps. A shorter Filipina woman emerges from a room further back in the house.

“Mama D!” Nini says excitedly. “Surprise!”

Nini’s other mom walks briskly across the living room and gives Nini a (comparatively tamer) hug, and leans up to kiss Nini’s cheek. “This is a wonderful surprise,” she says. “I’m so happy to see you.”

“And Mama D, this is Gina,” Nini says, stepping aside so Gina isn’t right behind her anymore. “Gina, this is my mom Dana.”

“Nice to meet you Dana,” Gina says, extending her hand again.

Unlike Nini’s other mother, Dana accepts Gina’s hand, and shakes it with both of hers. “I’m very glad to meet you, Gina. No pressure, but after all the stories Nini told us at Thanksgiving, you have quite the reputation to live up to.”

Gina’s eyes widen slightly.

“I’m only teasing you,” Dana amends.

“She’s telling the truth about all the stories Nini told, though,” Carol says. “Gina is so good at this, and Gina did that, and Gina is so amazing,” she adds in a mocking tone.

Gina turns to look at Nini who looks like she wants to crawl under the floorboards, and decides her best friend is having it hard enough. So she won’t pile on. For now.

“Well thank you both so much for having me in your beautiful home,” Gina says, redirecting. “It means a lot to not be alone for the holidays.”

“Don’t even mention it, sweetheart,” Carol says. “We’re glad you’re here, and I hope we can make it feel like home for you, too.”

Gina doesn’t know what to say to that. The very concept of “home” is so foreign to her. For a long time, home was where her mom was, but it was never tied to a particular residence. It couldn’t be. West Point didn’t feel like home at first, either. But since she allowed Nini in, it’s more of a home than she’s ever really experienced. And Nini is a bigger part of that than she should admit to anyone. So she smiles and says, “Thank you.”

Once greetings are behind them, Nini shows Gina to the guest bedroom.

“This was Mama C’s fake bedroom I was telling you about earlier,” Nini explains. “They don’t have to worry about that anymore, now that I’m in college, of course. But at least now they have a really nice guest room. And I guess once I’m out of school, they’ll have a second guest room! They can have so many guests!”

It’s not a small room. There’s a queen-size bed with a mint green comforter, and throw pillows piled high on it. There’s a large dresser against one of the walls, and a stand-alone full sized mirror in one corner of the room.

“So, when are you going to tell your moms about your name change?” Gina asks.

“Over dinner is the plan,” Nini explains. “I didn’t want to interrupt introductions and everything.”

Gina nods. “That makes sense. So, I guess I’ll unpack?” she says.

“Yeah, I’ll let you do that,” Nini says, leaving Gina alone to get settled.

Some time later, after Gina has put away her clothes (and hidden Nini’s christmas gift in the dresser), Gina hears a knock on the door. It’s Nini again.

“Hey, I don’t know if you’re almost done, but my moms didn’t have anything planned for dinner, because they thought we were coming tomorrow. So they just ordered pizza. I hope that’s okay?” Nini says.

“Oh yeah, that’s fine,” Gina says. “I don’t want to inconvenience them at all.”

“You’re not an inconvenience, Gina,” Nini says. “I’m really glad you’re here. And so are they. I’ll see you downstairs?”

“See you down there,” Gina replies.

Nini gives the door a couple more knocks, and walks away. Gina can hear her retreating down the stairs.

Later, over dinner, Nini’s moms are catching Nini up on what has been happening back in Salt Lake City. Apparently they haven’t heard anything recently from two people named E.J. and Big Red, but they’ve been getting emails from someone named Kourtney, who will be in town for the holidays, and Nini is supposed to call Kourtney. Gina isn’t paying too much attention to the conversation, as she doesn’t know any of the people Carol and Dana are talking about. Still, Gina is enjoying the domesticity of it all. It’s nice.

“So,” Nini says, once the conversation hits a lull. “I have news, too”

Her moms look at her expectedly.

“I did something today,” she says, pulling the signed order from the judge out of her pocket. She wordlessly hands the paper to Carol.

Carol reads the court order carefully—probably more than once, if Gina had to guess—and then hands it to Dana. Carol, for the first time since Gina met her, is rendered speechless. She covers her mouth, and tears spring to her eyes.

“Nini?” Carol asks meekly.

“You’ve always been my mom, Mama C. I want the world to know that, too,” Nini says, also on the verge of tears.

Dana finishes reading the name change approval, and moves to stand beside Carol. She waves Nini over to them, and Nini walks over to her mothers. The three hug one another.

Gina feels like she’s intruding on such an intimate moment between their family. She clears her throat and mumbles an excuse and leaves the table to go to the bathroom. She can’t believe how emotional that scene made her. What the hell? It’s not even her family, but Gina felt so much just seeing how close Nini is with her moms. How much those three love one another.

Gina doesn’t even open the bathroom door. She just leans against it, breathing hard. Tries to rein in her emotions. She hears footsteps, and she scrambles to try to open the door before someone sees her, but it’s too late.

“Gina,” Nini says, still wiping away tears. “Where did you go? Were you uncomfortable? I’m so sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I just thought—”

“No!” Gina protests. “I wasn’t uncomfortable.” That’s a lie. She was absolutely uncomfortable, but not because Nini did anything wrong. Gina’s emotional hang-ups aren’t Nini’s problem. “I just—that felt like a moment for you and your moms. I didn’t want to be in the way.”

“You’re never in the way Gina,” Nini says. And she sounds so damn sincere.

Gina can’t look at Nini though, the heaviness of the moment at dinner still too fresh, too dense.

Nini steps close to Gina, and gently lifts Gina’s chin so she will meet the shorter girl’s eyes. “I mean it. You’re never, ever in the way.” Nini seems to contemplate something for a moment before continuing. “I know you think I have a lot of friends. But the truth is, I’m friendly with a lot of people, but I don’t really let a lot of people in. I don’t let them get too close.”

Gina never considered that before. That Nini—open, bright Nini—would have her own defenses up, just like Gina herself.

“It’s not just that I worry about people liking the real me, although that’s part of it, for sure. But I’ve had to protect myself and my family for so long that I just don’t—no, I can’t trust just anyone enough to let them get to really know me. But with you? I always wanted you to know me.”

“You did?” Gina asks.

“Yeah,” Nini says. “Even when you hated me.” They both laugh. “Even then, I think I was just mad because my intuition told me you were going to be someone I could trust. But then you made me doubt it. And you hated me so much.”

“It wasn’t that much,” Gina says.

“Yes it was!” Nini replies. “Oh my god, like, you told me every day how I was wasting everyone’s time by being at West Point, and how I didn’t deserve to be there. And the way you looked at me when you probably didn’t realize I was looking? Hatred.”

“I knew you were looking. That was the point,” Gina says.

Nini laughs again. “Okay, that checks out. But, like, you and I have a lot in common, you know? I don’t know a lot of your past, and that’s fine. It’s yours, and you can share it with me if you’re ever comfortable doing that. No pressure. But what I do know is, you moved around a lot. You didn’t get close to people because they always left, or you left. Nothing was safe. So, you had to build defenses, too. Granted, yours are a lot meaner than mine?”

Nini smiles at her, and Gina can’t refute that, so she just chuckles.

“But it’s just as valid,” Nini says. “I think we’re kindred spirits in that way. Like we were meant to find each other. And Gina,” Nini says, pausing, making sure Gina’s watching her. She needn’t have worried. Gina hasn’t looked away from her this entire time. “I’ll be a safe place for you. Even if we’re on the other side of the world from one another. I’ll always care about you, and you can always depend on me.”

Gina studies Nini, hard. Looks for any sign that what she’s saying is deceitful, or just saying what Gina wants to hear. But she can’t find anything. She knew she wouldn’t, anyway, deep inside.

“Now,” Nini says, stepping back and extending her hand to Gina. “What Mama C said earlier, about how we want you to feel at home here? That’s true, too. You’re one of us now. So can we please go finish dinner?”

Gina takes Nini’s hand and they walk back to the kitchen. Gina barely gives a thought to how their hands are still linked when they get back to the table. And when they sit down. Except for the curious way Nini’s moms watch them. But whatever.

When Gina lies down that night to go to bed, she hears muffled talking through the wall. She can tell it’s Nini’s voice. And Gina finds she’s not really tired enough to sleep yet, so she climbs out of bed and softly pads out of her room and over to Nini’s bedroom door. She knocks lightly before opening the door and peeking in. She sees Nini sitting cross-legged on her bed talking on the phone. Nini looks up and meets Gina's eyes.

“Oh, hey, I gotta go,” Nini says into her phone. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Kourt.” She ends her call and drops the phone on her bed. “What’s up, Gi?” she asks.

Gina walks in and quietly closes the door behind her. “Nothing. Wasn’t tired enough to sleep, and heard you still up.”

“Yeah, I was just calling one of my friends I grew up with. You want to watch a movie or something? I know there’s not a TV in the guest room.”

“That sounds great, actually,” Gina says.

“Any preference for the movie? You want to pick it out?” Nini asks, motioning to her shelf full of DVDs.

“Whatever you pick is fine with me,” Gina says. Her knowledge of cinema is limited, to put it nicely. And she would honestly rather Nini watch something she likes. It’s Nini’s company Gina came for.

“Okay then, Empire Records it is!” Nini says enthusiastically.

Nini puts the movie in, and jumps back into bed. Gina climbs into the bed on the side opposite Nini, and takes the pillow Nini offers her.

Gina doesn’t really watch the movie. She listens to Nini talk about how much she loves the film, and how she used to watch it all the time with her friends, and how she always wanted to perform a song on top of a music store like the girl in the movie.

And Gina looks around Nini’s room. Almost every inch of wall is covered by pictures, and posters, and shelves holding trophies and ribbons. It’s so clear Nini lives here. And everything that’s on the wall, Gina is sure, has some sentimental story behind it. Gina would love to hear those stories.

There is, Gina notices, one fairly large blank space right above the bed that looks like there may have been a large poster there at some point? She makes a mental note to ask Nini about it later.

And somewhere between her inner thoughts on Nini’s bedroom decor, and Nini’s excited musings on the film they're watching, Gina falls asleep.

The next morning, Gina wakes up, still in Nini’s bed. Wrapped in Nini’s blankets. And even though Nini’s side of the bed is cool to the touch, everything around Gina still smells like Nini. Everything feels so comfortable. She’s never felt so well rested. She’s never felt so home.

Gina reluctantly pulls the covers away and sits up in Nini’s bed. The clock on the bedside table indicates it’s almost 10AM. She can hardly believe it. She knows her body is still on East Coast time, so how did she sleep so long?

Pulling herself up from the bed and walking toward the bedroom door, Gina hears talking coming from the bottom of the stairs. Nini and Dana. Then she hears Dana say Gina’s name. Intrigued, Gina quietly walks halfway down the stairs so she can hear the conversation.

“It’s not a big deal, mom,” Nini says. “We sleep in the same room every night. She’s probably just used to being around me, and it made it easier for her to sleep, because it’s familiar.”

“It’s not that simple, Nini, and you know it,” Dana says sympathetically. “Honey, the way you talk about Gina, and now seeing the way your face lights up when she’s around, she’s more to you than just a friend. Does she how you feel about her?”

“I don’t—” Nini starts, but it cut off.

“Does she know you’re a lesbian?”

Gina feels like her heart is going to beat out of her chest. She has had her suspicions, but everything was just confirmed. Nini likes girls. Just like Gina. Is Nini pushing it down like Gina does? Keeping it inside? Well, certainly not from her moms, apparently.

“No,” Nini answers. “I—I can’t tell her. I mean, I could trust her. I know I could. But, I can’t make her keep that secret. I can’t make her responsible for my secret.”

“Nini, sweetie, I don’t think it’s a secret. And you clearly have feelings for her. You—”

“Okay,” Nini says, cutting Dana off now. “Okay, I’m going to admit to you that I have a little bit of a crush on Gina. But it’s so not a big deal! I have a crush on my straight best friend. I’ve never done that before because my friends were never straight, so this was bound to happen. It’s like a rite of passage, right?”

Wait, Nini doesn’t just like girls, she likes her? It’s almost too much to handle. But maybe it’s not a big deal, like Nini said. Just a crush. Gina’s had crushes before, but they never amount to anything. She never tells the one she’s crushing on.

“It is,” Dana says, and Gina can see the smile in her voice. “But I don’t think that’s what’s happening with you. I saw the way she looks at you, too, Nini. That girl thinks you hung the moon,” Dana says.

Gina can’t believe Dana said that. Does she really look at Nini that way? Maybe in a platonic way, because she really does think a lot of Nini. But in a romantic way? No, of course not. She knows she has the thoughts, but she always pushes them down. Pretends they don’t exist. Just like her mom told her to do. There’s no way Nini’s mom could know that she has those feelings, right?

“Talk to Gina, sweetie,” Dana adds. “Maybe I’m just being overprotective. But I don’t want to see you get hurt. So just talk with her so you both will know where you stand.”

“Okay, mom,” Nini says.

Then Gina hears nothing for a moment, until footsteps start approaching the stairs. Gina quickly scrambles back up the stairs, back into Nini’s bedroom, and she dives back under the covers. If Nini or Dana thinks she’s still asleep, they won’t know she heard that. All of that.

“Gina,” she hears Nini say. Gina keeps her eyes squeezed shut. She hears the bedroom door close.

“So you heard that, huh?” Nini continues. Gina opens one eye. “You’re a lot of things, Gina Porter, but you are not stealthy.”

Gina opens her eyes fully and sits up in bed.

“I’m sorry,” Gina says. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

“Yes you did,” Nini says. “But—”

Nini pauses. She looks down, and studies her hands.

“But it’s okay. It makes this conversation a little easier. And my mom was right. We need to talk about it.”

Silence falls over the room, and Gina doesn’t know if she should speak, or wait on Nini. Nini looks like she’s trying to find the right words. For someone who usually says what’s on their mind—at least as far as Gina knows—it’s unnerving to see Nini so hesitant.

“I’m gay,” Nini says in a hushed voice, finally. “I’m a lesbian. I like girls.”

Gina nods and swallows. This isn’t new information. With the conversation she overheard, she knows this already, but hearing it from Nini, Nini saying this to Gina, makes it so much more real.

“When?” Gina asks, almost in a whisper.

“When did I know?” Nini asks, laughing a little. “Oh, probably all my life. I never—boys were never it for me. I remember in third grade, a bunch of the other girls in my class were getting their first celebrity crushes on Zack from Saved by the Bell but I couldn’t take my eyes off Kelly Kapowski. And luckily for me, I had such a positive example at home of how you don’t have to have a boy to be happy? I put it all together when I was 13. My friend Kourtney and I came out together. And she was my first girlfriend.”

“The one that you broke up with in high school?” Gina asks.

“I didn’t know you were listening when I told you about that,” Nini says.

Gina shrugs. She has always been listening to Nini.

“But yeah, that’s her. That’s who I was on the phone with last night. We’re still friends, but I haven’t seen her in awhile. Her family did Thanksgiving in the Maldives,” Nini says.

“Fancy,” Gina replies. “You know you could have told me, right? I’m not upset or anything, but—”

“I feel like I could have told you. And I thought about telling you a bunch of times,” Nini says. “I trust you Gina. As much as I trust anyone. It’s not that I was worried about you knowing. But also, I know that if anyone found out that I’m a lesbian, that’s it for me at West Point. And it wouldn’t be fair of me to ask you to protect that secret. I really didn’t want to put you in a bad situation.”

“I told you, Nini. You can tell me anything,” Gina says.

Finally Nini comes to sit down on the bed beside Gina.

“So, did you also hear the part where—”

“You have a crush on me?” Gina asks.

Nini looks embarrassed. “Um, yeah. I’m really sorry about that. And I swear it’s just a crush, and I’ll get over it. And I know you’re not interested in girls or whatever. I don’t think my mom was right about that. We’re just best friends, right?”

Gina wishes she was brave enough to answer honestly. She wishes she could tell Nini she doesn’t want Nini getting over her, because Gina has feelings for her, too. She wishes she was as strong as Nini’s moms, and that she could be with Nini. But she’s none of those things.

“We’re best friends, Nini.”

The next few days pass with relative ease. Everything is out in the open now. At least from Nini’s side, and Gina is comfortable burying her own feelings down.

Nini takes Gina to buy gifts for Nini’s moms. Gina convinces Nini (under great protest) to go on morning runs with her so they don’t lose all of their physical conditioning over break. Gina interacts easily with Nini’s moms. Nini introduces Gina to more of her favorite shows and movies (Gina likes Buffy the Vampire Slayer, especially when she meets the Faith character, but she finds all of the F·R·I·E·N·D·S fairly annoying; and why are there so many white people if they live in New York?). The longer she’s in this house, the more it actually starts to feel like home. Somewhere she belongs.

And if she has ended up sleeping in Nini’s bed every night, then so what? She is used to sleeping in the same room as Nini, as Nini herself pointed out to Dana.

Gina tells Nini how, with her mom, they always exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve. Of course, Nini being Nini, she talks to her moms, and they change plans to do their gift exchange Christmas Eve, despite normally doing it Christmas Morning, to make Gina feel more at home.

Nini insists Gina open the gift from her first. She’s handed a box that is wrapped very neatly on three sides, with a lot of wrapping paper bunched up on the fourth side. Gina eyes the fourth side.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m actually really competent at a lot of things, but wrapping presents is not one of them,” Nini explains.

“It’s fine,” Gina says. “At least now I don’t have to pretend to be a patient gift opener.”

She tears into the paper and opens it to find a box marked Nokia 1100. “A phone? Nini, you got me a phone?”

“Well,” Nini explains, “I know you said you had a phone that you left in Germany before you came to West Point. And your mom is going to be deployed at least until next November, so you won’t be able to get your phone. And we can have phones in second semester, so—”

“Nini, it’s a great gift. Thank you so much.” Gina hugs her roommate, and Nini relaxes in her arms.

Next, Nini’s moms open their gifts from Gina. Nini helped her pick out assorted baskets of candles, soaps, and lotions that she assured Gina they would like. They both thank Gina with hugs.

Finally Nini is opening Gina’s gift. Gina has never been so nervous to watch someone open a gift from her before.

When the package is open, Nini’s eyes widen for a moment. Gina worries Nini doesn’t like it.

“So I wanted to get you a book because it’s something you can have at school,” she explains quickly. “And this lady at the bookstore, I told her about you, and she said this book would be the perfect gift. But if you don’t like it—well, the store is in New York, so I don’t know if we can return it any time soon, but I’ll get you something else. I’ll—”

“Gina,” Nini cuts her off. “No, I love it. Thank you so much.”

“What’s the book?” Carol says, glancing over Nini’s shoulder.

Carol’s eyes go wide. Much wider than Nini’s before her. She covers her mouth and quickly walks from the room. Dana then walks over. Her expression is more muted than Carol’s, but she’s clearly holding something back as she excuses herself to check on Carol.

“Is it a bad book? Oh god, is it an offensive book? I didn’t mean to—I just, the lady said you would like it,” Gina says, crestfallen that she’s clearly made a huge mistake.

“It’s not a bad book,” Nini says. “It’s a beautiful gift, Gina.”

“But…”

“But,” Nini continues, acquiescing to Gina’s request for more information. “So, Sappho,” Nini begins.

“The book jacket says she was considered the greatest Greek poet,” Gina says. “And I know you said you used to write songs, so I thought—”

“She may be the greatest Greek poet,” Nini says. “She’s also—have you ever heard the word ‘sapphic’, Gina?”

Gina shakes her head no. It doesn’t sound familiar.

“Okay, so, sapphic basically means women who are attracted to other women. Lesbians, bisexuals, pansexuals, any woman who likes to be with other women. And the word sapphic comes from…”

Nini lets that thought trail off.

“Oh god,” Gina said.

“Yeah,” Nini says, drawing out the single syllable. “So the implication of you giving me this book is, if I had to put it into simple terms, you basically said, ‘hey I like to kiss girls and you like to kiss girls so maybe we should kiss each other?’”

Gina’s heart drops to the floor. That asshole lady from the bookstore. How did she know? Fuck!

Before Gina is fully aware of what’s going on, she’s on her feet, and running up the stairs. She goes straight into the guest room, slams and locks the door, and jumps on the bed, burying her face in a pillow. She screams.

Moments later she hears a light knock on the door.

“Gina?” she hears Nini say softly. “Gina? It’s okay. Please open the door. It’s not a big deal. You didn’t know.”

Not a big deal. It’s the biggest deal Gina can imagine. Because she has worked so hard to suppress her feelings for other girls for years. She’s been so careful not to reveal her feelings for Nini. She knows she can never let those feelings go. And yet, because some stupid bookstore employee thought she was describing a girl she liked instead of just a platonic best friend, all of that work is out the window. Nini knows now. Nini’s moms know. Or think they know, but because Gina hasn’t been honest and it is actually true, that’s kind of the same thing.

Gina screams again.

“Please let’s talk, Gina. I swear I’m not going to infer anything from your gift. It’s a lovely gift, and I’ll treasure it. I mean, I know you’re not, you know,” Nini says.

Despite her desire to stay in this bed forever, until she dies, so no one can ever see her face again, Gina opens the door. Nini deserves an explanation at the very least.

“Nini, look, I know you want to talk about it. And I get that. And I’m sure we will. Maybe we’ll laugh about it one day. But right now, I’m really embarrassed. And I just need some time to sort out my feelings, okay?”

Nini nods. “Okay. I can respect that. Will you come back downstairs when you’re ready?”

“Yeah,” Gina says. “I will. Merry Christmas, Nini.”

Gina eventually comes back out when Nini calls up that everyone is going to have eggnog and watch a Christmas movie. She finds Nini’s moms sitting cuddled on one end of the couch. Nini sits toward the other end, the light of the christmas tree making her seem to glow.

Nini slides all the way to the end of the couch and pats the spot beside her. Gina’s not ready to be that close to Nini yet, though. She instead takes a seat in the recliner beside the couch.

Nini looks at her with a sad smile, and wordlessly reaches over to hand her a mug filled with eggnog.

It’s quiet for a few moments, and Gina realizes everyone else is waiting on her to speak. Probably to make sure she’s comfortable. So she obliges.

“What are we watching? Is it a Julie Andrews movie?”

Nini gasps. “Gina!” she says.

“You know about Nini’s Julie Andrews obsession?” Carol asks.

“Well, I know when she’s nervous she does an accent, and I found out just recently that she’s trying to do a Julie Andrews impression, but I don’t know the context,” Gina says.

Carol turns and props her legs under herself. “Well, when Nini was a little girl,” she starts.

Nini laughs and buries her face in her hands as Carol explains how Julie Andrews was Nini’s emotional support actor as a child.

“Seriously,” Dana adds. “Bad grade on a spelling test? Mary Poppins.”

“Some kid was being mean to her, Sound of Music,” Carol adds.

“Then the first inappropriate movie we ever caught her watching was 10,” Dana says. “Julie Andrews was in that, too.”

“I was watching that for Bo Derek, so different, much gayer reasons,” Nini mumbles.

And everyone laughs. Just like that, the tension is broken.

They end up watching Gremlins which Nini and Carol swear is a Christmas movie. Dana disagrees, and Gina has never seen it, so she abstains from voting. It’s cute, what she sees of it. But much more attention is paid to the stories about Nini growing up. Like the time she got stage fright while she was doing community theater, and froze so bad that someone had to come and literally carry her off the stage. Or the story of how Dana and Carol met (they both went out for their college’s women’s club rugby team, but quickly learned the sport was too rough for them, so they left at the same time, and decided to go get dinner together).

It’s one of Gina’s favorite Christmas Eves ever. Even better than when she was eight, and her mom got her a Home Alone 2 Talkboy toy.

The way this family loves is something so foreign to Gina. Not that she doesn’t love her mom, and not that she doesn’t know her mom loves her. But Gina has always felt like her mom saw her more as something to be guided, something to be molded into the person she could be. Gina is a project to her mom. Nini’s moms see Nini as something to be admired. Something to be cherished. Nini is good enough the way she is, whatever she wants to be.

And Carol and Dana clearly love each other so much, too. The way they casually kiss each other’s cheek, or take one another’s hand. The way they smile at each other. Gina has never seen adults with such a healthy, loving relationship. It’s sickening. And Gina admits to herself, maybe for the first time, that she wants that for herself.

Gina looks back over at Nini, and Nini smiles at her. And, shit. Gina starts to put it together in her head. She absolutely could have what Carol and Dana have. But could she make it work with Nini? Would Nini even want that? They would have to hide their relationship. Certainly for years, maybe forever. Would that be enough? Would they even be able to hide it?

Of course, they could both transfer out of West Point to a regular university. It’s not until your cow year that you have to commit to service after you finish your university work. And they could be normal college students who learned to love one another. But Gina doesn’t think she wants that. The Army is still important to her. And, she thinks, it’s still important to Nini, for Nini’s own reasons.

There are so many complicated parts to the equation. The one thing Gina is sure of is, she doesn’t want to stuff Nini, and her feelings for Nini down in that box in her head anymore.

She definitely should talk to Nini about it, though. Because maybe Nini would be okay with what Gina could offer her? But it’s possible Nini doesn’t want to take that risk. Either way, Gina makes a commitment in her head that she'll have that talk. But tomorrow. Assuming she doesn’t chicken out. Then she chugs the rest of her eggnog so she can avoid eye contact with everyone. As if if they see her face they'll know what she's thinking about.

“I’m getting tired,” Gina says. “I think I’m going to turn in.”

Everyone wishes her goodnight and Merry Christmas, and Gina walks swiftly up to the guest room. She has too much to think about tonight. And she won’t think clearly if she’s lying next to Nini.

She barely sleeps that night. She’s unsure if it’s all the thoughts running through her head. Or the fact that Nini isn’t close to her. Or both. Probably both, she reasons. She can admit that to herself at least. But the question is, how will Nini feel when Gina admits those feelings to her? If she doesn’t lose her nerve to speak to Nini about it.

The next morning, Gina wakes to noises from downstairs. She’s not sure when she fell asleep. She doesn’t think she slept more than a couple of hours. But it’s Christmas morning, and she wants to be with the family—Nini’s family, who has welcomed her.

She gets out of bed, and goes to the bathroom to brush her teeth before walking downstairs.

When she gets there, Carol is walking out the door, and Dana is slipping on a coat.

“We’re going to pick my mother up,” Dana tells Gina. “There’s pancakes in the kitchen; fruit, powdered sugar, syrup, whatever toppings you want. Help yourself. We shouldn’t be gone too long.”

“Okay, drive safe. Merry Christmas,” Gina responds.

“Merry Christmas Gina,” Dana says with a smile.

Carol ducks her head back in the door to also wish Gina a Merry Christmas before the two are away.

Gina sees Nini sitting on the couch eating breakfast in her pajamas. Gina isn’t hungry, though. She’s far too nervous about the conversation she’s pretty sure she’s going to have with the shorter girl. The conversation she’s going to have if she can maintain her courage.

A Yule Log is on television, complete with the sounds of a crackling fire, and Christmas standards being played over the scene. Gina plops down on the couch beside Nini—but not too close, she makes sure—and tucks her legs under herself and wishes Nini a Merry Christmas.

Nini smiles at her, and garbles out a, “Merry Christmas,” over the bite of pancakes she has in her mouth. “Are you hungry?” Nini asks.

“No, not yet,” Gina says.

“Did you sleep okay?” Nini asks.

“Yeah, okay, not great. Excited for Christmas, I guess,” she half-lies.

Nini nods knowingly. “Yeah, me too. I mean, we did presents last night, but I’m still excited for Christmas morning. I don’t know. We’re 18. I shouldn’t feel this excited. It’s lame, right?”

“No, it’s sweet,” Gina says. “I like how excited you get about things.”

“Awww, Gina,” Nini says, leaning over to give her a one-arm hug. And almost spilling syrup from her plate on Gina in the process.

“Careful!” Gina warns, looking at the plate.

“Oh, sorry!” Nini says. They both laugh. “I was done, anyway,” Nini adds. “Let me put this in the sink and I’ll be right back.”

As Nini walks away, Gina steels her resolve to just say what she needs to say, as soon as Nini returns.

Nini sits back on the couch just as Nat King Cole’s rendition of “O Holy Night” begins on the Yule Log broadcast.

Gina and Nini start talking at the same time.

“Nini I—”

“So—”

They laugh.

“Go ahead,” Nini says. “You start.”

Gina takes a deep breath. The time is now. She’s going to put her feelings out there. She’s going to risk it all. But first, she needs to know if it’s even something Nini would want.

“Do you think two women—or two men,” she adds that part to make sure she’s being sufficiently vague, “could be together? Like romantically? At West Point?”

Nini seems to contemplate Gina’s question for a moment before answering.

“I think, maybe, it could work? If it was the right women. Or men,” Nini says, going along with Gina’s ruse. “But it would be hard. They would only be able to see one another in private. They would have to be so secretive. No one could know they were together, outside of maybe a few close confidants. And it would hurt a lot, sometimes. They would have to deny one another. Pretend they had no feelings for one another. And when your feelings for someone are that real, not being able to tell the world can be really painful.”

Gina knows Nini isn’t just hypothesizing. She’s seen it. It’s the life her parents had to live for so long, so that they could keep Nini.

“Do you think it could be worth it?” Gina asks meekly. She’s almost completely out on the limb now. She just needs a final push.

“I think it could,” Nini says, mirroring Gina’s softness. “If it was the right woman.”

Gina smiles, despite herself. Despite the gravity of the current conversation.

“Nini, I like you,” Gina says. “I like you a lot. And, would you want to try? With me? I mean, it’s completely okay if you say no. We can just be friends, and I won’t be upset, I swear. In fact, forget I said—”

Nini covers Gina’s lips with her finger.

“I like you, too,” Nini says. “I mean, you know that. It’s not news. But, I don’t just have a crush on you. I’ve liked you so much, for months now. If we were at a normal university, I would have already asked you out so many times. Until you said yes. But—”

“But we’re not,” Gina says, finishing Nini’s sentence. “We’re at West Point. So, is what we could have together worth it?”

Nini takes Gina’s hands, and looks directly into her eyes. “It’s worth it,” Nini says. “You’re absolutely worth it, Gina Porter.”

Gina is pretty sure, in that moment, that no sentence will ever make her happier. She’s pretty sure that nothing in her life has ever made her happier. She’s also pretty sure if Nini let go of her hands, she would float away. And Gina’s okay with that, too.

“Nini?” Gina asks. “Can I kiss you?”

Instead of answering, Nini leans forward and presses her lips against Gina’s. Thank god. Gina thinks she probably would have been too nervous to actually do it herself. Nini cradles Gina’s face in her soft hands, as Gina wraps her arms around Nini’s lower back, holding her impossibly close

Gina closes her eyes, and relishes in the way Nini’s soft, syrup-sticky lips feel against her own. And Nini tastes like pancakes, and home. And every part of Gina tingles, as though there are thousands of magical bubbles floating around the room, exploding one by one as they come into contact with her.

It’s not Gina’s first kiss. It’s actually her second. The first was with a boy whose name she doesn’t quite remember. She kissed him after her mom’s lecture on how she couldn’t let anyone know she is interested in girls in that way. And when she kissed him, it felt like nothing. Kissing Nini feels like everything.

The kiss is over too soon for Gina’s liking. She wants to kiss Nini again. And again. Forever.

And she wonders if kissing Nini will always be like that. The taste of home. The feeling of magic. Somehow, she thinks it will.

Nini is still resting her forehead against Gina’s own. Both girls are breathing deeply.

“I’ve wanted that for so long,” Nini confesses. “And it was still better than I dreamed.”

“I think if we do it again it will be even better,” Gina says. And she realizes she’s not being unsure anymore. She almost sounds cocky? She doesn't know where the sudden surge of confidence comes from. But the way Nini pulls back and looks at her, hunger pooled in her brown eyes, she’s glad she found it.

And it turns out the second time is even better. Gina’s nerves are gone, and she pours every bit of passion she has into this kiss. It’s still soft in all of the right places, but there is no holding back this time.

It takes Gina a moment to realize Nini has thrown her leg over Gina’s body, and is now almost straddling her lap. Gina barely notices that her hand has found its way under the hem of Nini’s pajama top, and is rubbing endless circles on Nini’s lower back.

Gina is so lost in this moment with Nini that she doesn’t hear the front door open. She doesn’t hear footsteps behind her. She doesn’t hear Dana clear her throat.

But the moment is broken when she hears Carol shout, “I knew it!”

Nini must come to at the same time, as she scrambles away from Gina as fast (and as awkwardly) as she can, falling to her butt on the floor.

“Girls,” Dana says, standing in front of them, arms crossed. “I think we should all have a talk.”

Chapter Text

Gina and Nini sit on Nini’s moms’ couch. Dana and Carol stand in front of them. It feels a lot, Gina thinks, like being called into the principal’s office. Only worse, because she was just making out with their daughter in their living room.

“Did Lola see?” Nini asks, finally breaking the silence.

“She saw,” Dana says.

Nini looks absolutely stricken.

“So did your mothers.”

“Well, yeah, but that’s not a first for you,” Nini says. “Remember Natalie Bagley, first week of school my junior year when I thought you guys were going to be late getting home from that party?” Then Nini pales. “Oh god, you’re not going to give us the safe sex talk again, are you? Please don’t. I remember everything, and I can tell Gina about it.”

Gina has no idea who Natalie Bagley is, but she suddenly wants to punch her.

“Well, safe sex is important. I know you might think that because you’re both women, that you don’t have to think about it,” Carol says.

Nini gives her a withering look, and Carol nods.

“But you two are adults, and we trust you to be responsible.”

And also, Gina thinks, when did sex come into the equation? Gina wasn’t even thinking about sex. Not yet. Okay, maybe in the back of her mind, but as a down the road thing. And why is it being spoken about so freely? And why is she only getting more mortified by the second? Maybe kissing Nini again would make her feel better? But it’s definitely not the time for that. Yet.

“What we do want to talk to you two about, though, is how complicated this will be for you,” Dana says. “I know you feel safe here. And I’m glad. I want you to feel safe. But when you go back to school—”

“We know, mom,” Nini says. “We talked about that before, well, what you just saw.”

Nini blushes again.

“I’m sure you did, sweetie,” Carol says. “And I’m sure you think you’re ready for what you’re going to have to deal with, but I speak from experience when I tell you, you’re just not. There’s no way to be ready until you actually have to live it.”

“We don’t agree with the Army’s policy on LGBT people not being able to be out, and to serve,” Dana says. “Obviously. It’s bigoted, and outdated, and unfair. But if you’re caught—”

“We won’t get caught,” Nini says. “We know how careful we have to be.”

“We just caught you,” Carol says. “And we weren’t even trying to.”

Gina finally decides she needs to speak up. It's so uncomfortable, but she can’t let Nini face the heat alone.

“We do feel like we’re in a safe place in this house,” Gina says. “It’s different here, we know that. But I’ve grown up on military bases. I’m not new to how closely we will be watched, if anything is suspected. We’ll be careful. And I promise I’ll look out for Nini. And I know she’ll look out for me.”

Gina looks over to Nini, who is smiling so brightly at her. Gina takes Nini’s hand.

“I’ll look out for you Nini,” she says.

“And I’ll always look out for you,” Nini responds, looking directly into Gina’s eyes, which, yeah, makes Gina’s tummy fill with butterflies.

“Okay, lovebirds,” Carol says. “We get it. I’m glad you have each other. It’s not going to be easy, but we support you. And we’re always here if you need us for anything.”

“Anything,” Dana reiterates.

“Okay,” Nini says. “Can I go help Lola in the kitchen? I feel like I need to apologize to her, too.”

Carol waves Nini away, and Nini disappears into the kitchen. Carol then takes a seat beside Gina.

“One other thing, Gina,” Carol says. “I know we haven’t known each other very long, but I need to ask kind of a big favor.”

Gina nods. Honestly, she’s willing to do almost anything for these kind women who have opened their home to her. Who have, apparently, given their blessing to Gina being involved with their daughter.

“Nini has a big heart. But sometimes it can get her in trouble. I think—if you two are ever in danger of being found out, I don’t know if she’ll be able to let go, even if she needs to, to protect herself. She doesn’t know when to stop fighting, and standing up for what she believes. Even when it’s a lost cause. And I know it’s asking a lot, but if that time ever comes, can you promise me you’ll be the one to walk away?”

Gina’s heart drops into her stomach. Her relationship with Nini is so new. So promising. She doesn’t want to think about how it could end. But she knows there's a real possibility that the scenario Carol described could happen. They could trust the wrong person, or someone could see something they’re not supposed to, and the only way to save themselves will be to cut one another off completely.

“I promise,” Gina says somberly. “I will always do what’s best for Nini. Even if I have to break both of our hearts to do it.”

“Thanks kiddo,” Carol says. And she wraps Gina in a big hug. Gina lets herself be held. Fearing the day she’ll have to keep that promise.

Christmas morning is fairly relaxed after that.

Gina finally gets to meet Nini’s lola, Malou, who is just as lovely to Gina as Nini’s moms have been. Gina gets to snuggle on the couch with Nini while everyone watches the Walt Disney World Christmas Day Parade.

More stories about Nini’s childhood are shared. Gina particularly likes the story about the first time Nini played The Oregon Trail at school. Apparently she used all of her friends, Kourtney, Big Red, and E.J. as her party members.

“So I get a call from the school, Nini needs to be picked up, because she is in the office and won’t stop crying. I didn’t know what was wrong, so naturally, I’m scared something terrible happened. But when I pick her up, and she calms down enough to tell the story, apparently she started crying because E.J., in the game, died of—what was it?” Dana asks Nini.

“Typhoid,” Nini says, her voice muffled as her face is pressed snugly into Gina’s arm. “I got really sad because I didn’t want to think about my friend dying.”

The more embarrassing the story, the tighter Nini presses herself against Gina. Gina isn’t complaining.

Around 11 AM both girls decide to get dressed, before relatives start to arrive. And they both blush when Carol tells them, “Maybe don’t get dressed in the same room, though,” as they walk upstairs.

Gina slips into a pair of jeans and a ridiculous Christmas sweater with a reindeer print that Carol and Dana gave her. When she walks back out of the guest room, Nini is waiting for her wearing the same sweater.

“Nice sweater!” Nini says.

“Cute,” Gina replies, smiling.

Nini quickly steals a kiss from Gina, and holds her hand out. “Come on, let’s go wait for the family to arrive.”

Around noon people start to trickle in. By 2 PM the house is full of titas and uncles, kuyas and ates, younger cousins and family friends, and even a ninang? Which Gina later learns is Nini’s godmother. There are so many new faces, and everything is so loud, and jovial. Gina can barely remember a few names, and she can’t tie any of those names to faces.

She makes a plate, when everyone else starts eating. She gets 4 pieces of lumpia (sauce poured over), two skewers of barbecue, she doesn’t get any of the interesting smelling stew on the stove on Nini’s advice (she later finds out it’s blood stew called dinuguan which grosses Nini out, and normally it wouldn’t bother Gina but she wants Nini to kiss her more later so she’s glad she abstained), and she gets a healthy serving of pancit, “Because it’s Ate Ann’s birthday, too, so we all have to eat noodles,” Nini tells her, and Gina can’t remember which cousin is Ate Ann.

Gina settles into a chair in a corner, away from most of the activity, and eats. Everything is SO good. She wants to try the leche flan, which also looks good. But more than that, she wants to go upstairs to hide from all the noise.

Somehow, Nini must sense how overwhelmed Gina is, because she shows up at Gina’s side, leaning down to whisper, “Hey, you wanna go for a walk?”

Gina nods. “Yes, please. Just for a little while.”

They put on their coats, boots, and gloves, and quietly walk out the front door.

There’s still snow on the ground, but the sidewalks are clear. Nini grabs Gina’s gloved hand and they walk in silence for a few minutes.

“My family can be a bit much,” Nini says. “I love them to death, but they’re really loud. And the karaoke hasn’t even started yet. I’m sorry I didn’t prepare you enough for that.”

“It’s okay,” Gina says. “It was cool, actually. Everyone was really nice to me. I just—it’s not something I’m used to. I don’t think you could have prepared me for it.”

“Well, if you’re enjoying it so much, I think everyone is getting together again for New Year’s,” Nini says.

Gina’s eyes widen a little, but she’s not about to say no. “Oh, that will be—”

Nini laughs. “I’m just kidding. We have other plans for New Year’s.”

“Do we?” Gina says. “I don’t recall being involved in this planning.”

If Nini was going to joke, Gina could, too. But Nini seems unfazed.

“My friend Kourtney is having a small thing. A lot less people. Six, actually. You and me, of course. And Seb and Carlos, who we went to high school with—they’re both a year younger than us but they’re really nice. And Kourtney and her date, who I know nothing about,” Nini says.

Gina thinks about that for a moment. “So she has a secret date?”

“Something like that,” Nini says. “She says she wants them to make their debut at the party, so she’s not telling me anything about them. Kourtney can be a bit dramatic.”

“You’re calling her dramatic?” Gina asks.

“Oh god, in my friend group, I was the most balanced one,” Nini says.

Gina looks at her disbelievingly.

“I was!” Nini says. “Kourtney was the dramatic one, E.J. was the spontaneous one, Big Red was the shy one, and I was the normal one.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever been normal, Salazar-Roberts,” Gina says.

“Stoooop,” Nini pouts. “I’m so normal.”

“No you’re not,” Gina says. “But that’s okay. I like you the way you are.”

“I like you the way you are, too, Porter,” Nini says, leaning into Gina’s side as they continue to walk. “Even if you’ve gotten so soft.”

Gina lets go of Nini’s hand and pushes her, as they both laugh. Nini then grabs Gina’s coat and pulls her in for a quick kiss. Her lips are cold, and a little chapped from the cold, dry air. And her nose is cold when it brushes Gina’s cheek. But it still feels wonderful?

“I like being able to do that,” Nini admits.

“I really like when you do it,” Gina responds.

“I just—I figure we should get our kisses in now,” Nini says. “You know, before we go back to school, and…”

Nini’s smile quickly disappears, replaced by a dark, worried frown.

“You know, I think we’ll be fine when we go back,” Gina says.

“You do?” Nini asks.

“I do,” Gina says. She is surprised to realize she really believes what she’s saying. Somehow Nini having doubts makes Gina’s convictions all the stronger. Like she has to be the one to assure Nini. She wonders if that’s what a relationship is supposed to be like?

“Look,” Gina says, “we’ll be so busy during the day we won’t really have time to think about it. And we're not allowed to talk when we’re outdoors, in general, so it’s not like we’re missing out on talking to one another if we see each other on campus. But every night from 19:30 to 21:30, we’re in our room, alone, and no one can bother us. So…”

“So we can make out for two straight hours, instead of studying during our study time?” Nini asks.

Gina laughs. “Well, I mean, we should probably study, too? But yes, we’ll have time for us.”

Nini smiles. “You’re so smart. That’s probably why I like you so much.”

“Well it’s good to know you don’t just want me for my body,” Gina jokes.

“No, that’s why you like me,” Nini says, sticking out her tongue.

Gina swats at Nini playfully, but Nini latches on to her arm.

The worry that momentarily washed over Nini, her–what? Girlfriend? Make-out partner? Gina isn’t sure of the right label, and she’s a little scared to ask. But whatever the correct label, Gina’s Nini seems to have left those dark feelings behind.

“Ready to go back to the house?” Nini asks, looking up at Gina. Gina nods, and they turn around and start the trek back.

When they return to the Nini’s home, there’s a lot less people milling about. Noticeably, Gina thinks, there are a lot less younger people.

“The cousins are in the basement,” one of the uncles tells them as he walks past. Gina doesn’t remember his name, but he seems to have been anointed the designated picture taker, as he’s had a camera around his neck all day.

“You wanna go down there?” Nini asks, turning to Gina.

She really doesn’t. The walk was nice. The kiss was really nice. And she would like time to go decompress about all of that alone. Or with Nini, and only Nini. But she can see Nini is excited to spend time with her cousins, and she’s sure Nini wants Gina to get to know her cousins, so she says, “Sure.”

 It’s the first time Gina has been down in the basement. It’s a lot different than she expected. It’s well lit, and the walls are a bright white. There are paintings hanging on most of the walls. There’s a tile floor, but in one corner of the room there’s a couch, two chairs, a coffee table, and a TV that all sit on a large pink plush rug.

Five cousins sit around the coffee table while another six move around the basement. Music plays from a speaker by the television.

“Yo, Nini, I got the Henny,” one of the boys says, holding aloft a bottle of Hennessy. “Since you’re in the Army or whatever, we’ll let you drink with us, even though you’re underage.”

Nini snatches the bottle. “You let me drink with you last year when I was 17 and in high school,” she says.

“Yeah, but I was underage then, too,” the boy responds, taking the bottle back. “I’m a responsible adult now.”

Gina pulls Nini aside. “Can you please say everyone’s name when you’re talking to them?” she whispers. “I think maybe I can remember in a smaller group.”

Nini puts her hand on Gina’s arm and whispers back, “You got it, babe.”

Gina’s eyes widen. A pet name? Are they there yet? Well, if Nini thinks so, Gina’s not going to argue with her. She kind of liked being called “babe.”

“Kuya M.P., give me that bottle,” Nini shouts over the din of the chatter in the basement. “I’m pouring shots.”

And just as she said, Nini names every cousin as she pours a shot and hands it to them.

The girl with the backwards baseball cap and tattoos covering her forearms is Ate Laylay, the boy with the caesar cut is Buboy, the taller boy with a mustache is Kuya Billy, the girl that looks like Nini but with a rounder face, and a different nose is J.J.

When all the shots have been given out, including one to Gina, and everyone has been named, Gina sees Laylay grab Nini and whisper something. It makes Nini laugh.

“Yes, she knows I’m gay, Ate,” Nini says. Nini then turns to Gina. “You know I’m a lesbian, right Gina?”

Gina laughs. “No shit? First I’m hearing of it.”

Nini breaks into a fit of giggles.

“Man, fuck all that, we doing these shots or not?” M.P. says.

The whole crowd shouts their “Salut”, including Gina a moment after everyone else, and throws back the shot. She’s never actually had a drink before. Underage drinking was hard on base. And Gina has always been so focused on doing the right thing. The drink burns, and she doesn’t particularly care for the taste. But it was nice to experience being a carefree teenager for once.

After the first shot, Gina is careful to avoid being included in any more, though. She doesn’t want the first time she gets drunk to be in front of Nini’s family. And she doesn’t want Nini to have to explain it to her moms.

Nini, however, seems to have none of those inhibitions. She’s not just drinking every time someone suggests another drink, Nini is actually the one encouraging everyone else to drink more. She has in fact called her cousin Buboy a pussy three times, that Gina has counted. It’s another side of Nini. And Gina can now fully admit to herself (and to Nini if she were to ask) that it’s cute, if a bit scary.

A few hours later though, Nini is looking a little worse for wear. Her speech is loud, and slurred, and Gina has seen her nearly fall over twice. So she makes an executive girlfriend (if she is in fact Nini’s girlfriend) decision to call it.

She walks up behind Nini and takes a cup out of her hand.

“Hey!” Nini protests. “I wasm’t done with that.”

“Oh, you’re done,” Gina said. “So before you get sick, I’m going to go put you to bed.”

“Hey y’all,” Nini shouts to everyone in the room. “My pretty friend is going to take me to bed!”

“Put you to bed,” Gina corrects, loudly enough for everyone to hear.

Nini shrugs and lets Gina guide her up the basement stairs.

The parents and their friends are all in the kitchen, actually doing the same thing as the cousins downstairs, as far as Gina can tell, so Gina is able to get Nini to the stairs without anyone noticing. She counts that as a win.

When she gets Nini into her bed, finally, a thought occurs to Gina. She’s never been a drinker, but if television and film has taught her anything, it’s that she should give Nini aspirin and water. Fortunately, she knows Nini’s backpack is filled with bottled waters from her excursions in the various USO lounges they visited on the trip to Salt Lake. And she imagines she can find aspirin in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, so that she needn’t go downstairs and be questioned by Dana and Carol.

“I’ll be right back,” Gina says.

Nini protests, but Gina is already out the door. She finds a bottle of aspirin, just as she thought she would, in the bathroom medicine cabinet. She re-enters the bedroom and finds Nini’s backpack in the corner by her closet, and there are in fact still seven bottles of water.

Gina sets the water and the aspirin on the nightstand. “Do you know if you’re supposed to take that now, or in the morning when you wake up?”

 “Now,” Nini says. “But if I throw it up I might take more in the morning.”

“Are you going to throw up?” Gina asks.

Nini seems to ponder that for a minute. “No, I don’t think so. You got me out in time. You’re my hero!”

Nini pushes herself up on the bed and throws her arms around Gina’s neck. Gina gently lays Nini back on the bed.

“Okay, now you need pajamas. Which drawer?” Gina asks

Nini points at her dresser. “There’s a pair folded on top,” she answers.

Gina hands the pajamas to Nini, and before Gina can say anything else Nini starts taking her sweater off.

“No!” Gina says. “No, no no. Wait.”

Nini stops what she’s doing with only one arm taken out of her sweater. It’s not like they’ve never gotten dressed in front of one another before. They live in the same room, so it’s an everyday thing, actually. But somehow it’s different now? And Gina definitely doesn’t want Nini stripping off in front of her while she’s drunk.

“I’m going to go into the guest bedroom and change. I take it that you’re okay to change by yourself?” Gina asks.

“You can get dressed in here,” Nini pouts. “You can borrow some of my pajamas or something.”

“Nini, that is not happening while you’re this drunk,” Gina says. “I can’t—you can’t just—it wouldn’t—”

She can’t find the right words. But luckily Nini seems to have a lucid enough moment to understand. “It’s okay, Gina. I get it,” she says, sounding far more sober than she is, if for just a moment.

“Good,” Gina says. “Good. Good. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Okay Gina,” Nini says. But then, just before Gina walks out the door, “But we are going to be naked together one day, though.”

And now that image is in her head fully. Gina pinches the bridge of her nose as she walks away. “Job wasn’t tested like this,” she mumbles to herself.

When Gina walks back into the room, wearing her own pajamas, Nini has miraculously managed to change and is under the covers, propped up against her headboard.

“You want to watch a movie or something?” Nini asks.

“I mean, I shouldn’t fall asleep in here. Your moms know we’re together, so I’m sure they don’t want us sharing a bed now,” Gina answers. She blushes at even the implication of what she said.

But Nini doesn’t seem fazed. She waves her hand dismissively. “They’ve been drinking, too. They won’t care. And everyone is sleeping here tonight. We can just say there wasn’t room for us to sleep anywhere else.”

“Put a lot of thought into this?” Gina asks.

“I’ve seen my cousins get away with it,” Nini answers, smiling.

Gina hesitantly slides under the covers on her side of the bed. She briefly considers when it became “her side” and not just the other side of the bed Nini isn’t on. But she lets that thought go.

“So, are we going to watch a movie?” Gina asks.

Nini peeks over the covers toward the television. “Eh, I don’t feel like getting up. Do you want to put something on?”

“No, it’s okay,” Gina says. “Maybe we can just talk until you pass out?”

“Works for me,” Nini says with a nod. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Can I ask you something?” Gina says. Hopefully Nini will be an honest drunk.

“You can ask me anything, beautiful,” Nini responds. Well, she’s certainly a flirty drunk.

“Are we girlfriends? Am I your girlfriend?” Gina had been struggling with that all day, and she would really like a resolution.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” Nini asks. “I mean, we decided we were going to give this a shot, so if you want to have that label…”

“I do,” Gina says, without even thinking. “I—god this is so lame. I’ve never had a girlfriend before? And I would like to. I would like you to be my girlfriend.”

Nini crawls over and hugs Gina. “Then I’m your first girlfriend,” she says, and sloppily kisses Gina on the cheek.

Gina feels like she’s floating in a sea of rainbows and magic. Nothing has ever felt so good. So right. She doesn’t even want to wipe Nini’s saliva off her cheek.

“But you might need to remind me in the morning, because I did drink a lot,” Nini says. “I’ll still want to be your girlfriend, I promise. I just might not remember this conversation.”

Oh right. Nini is very drunk. Well that dampens Gina’s mood a little. But just a little. Because she thinks Drunk Nini is right. She’s pretty sure Sober Nini, even Hungover Nini will want that title, too.

Gina tilts her head back and notices again the big blank space above the bed. She figures she’ll ask.

“Nini, did there used to be another poster up there?” she asks, pointing to the blank space.

“Oh, no, that’s where my Pride flag was. I hid it when we first got here. While you were unpacking. Because I wasn’t out to you yet. Guess I can put it back up tomorrow?” Nini explains.

“You probably should,” Gina muses. “Because you’re so gay for me.”

Gina can’t keep a straight face, and laughs as Nini wildly swings a pillow at her.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Nini rings Kourtney’s doorbell while Gina stands beside her fidgeting with the zipper of the overnight bag Nini packed for both of them.

“You okay?” Nini asks.

“Fine,” Gina answers. “I’ve just never been to a real New Year’s party before.”

Or seen a house as opulent as Kourtney’s. Or been on a proper date, which this kind of is. Or met a girlfriend’s ex. Or had a girlfriend for that matter. But Gina decides not to open all of her insecurity floodgates on Nini, who has been excited for the party.

“It’s going to be a classy New Year’s! Like we’re actual adults!” Nini had told her.

Gina stills her hand, and looks at her date. Nini is wearing a full length, form fitting, strapless black dress. She looks stunning. “Hey,” Gina says, “you look beautiful tonight.”

Nini smiles at Gina. “So do you.”

A figure appears behind the wrought iron double doors, obscured by the translucent glass. A beat, and the door opens.

“Nini!” says the girl, in the beautiful gown that looks like it was made for her. Maybe that it was made onto her, even. Kourtney, Gina is guessing.

“Kourt!” Nini returns. Nini hugs and kisses her friend—her ex on the cheek. And Gina does her best to not feel a little jealous. Gina also tries not to feel painfully underdressed in the off-the-rack dress she didn’t have time to get altered, compared to what Kourtney is wearing.

Kourtney turns to look at Gina. “So this is…”

“This is my roommate Gina, she uses she/her pronouns,” Nini says. Nini then turns to Gina. “Gina, this is my friend Kourtney, she/her.”

There was a discussion before they came about how Gina would be introduced. Gina told Nini she didn’t think she would be comfortable being out in front of strangers just yet. Which Nini completely understood (of course she did, because it’s Nini). So the plan is that Nini will just call Gina her roommate. Which is accurate, if not the complete picture.

Kourtney is eyeing them both skeptically. “Roommates. Mhmm,” she says.

Two boys in fantastic suits walk into the foyer then. One is blonde and pale and all smiles. The other has darker features, glasses and a confidently reserved expression.

“Carlos, Seb, hi!” Nini says, going over to kiss both of them on the cheek. The two boys then look at Gina expectantly. “That is my roommate, Gina, she/her,” Nini adds.

Gina walks over to greet the pair. “Nice to meet you. Carlos and Seb, was it?”

“I’m Seb, they/them, and this is my boyfriend, Carlos, and she uses any pronouns,” the blonde says. “So you two are roommates?” they ask then, looking between Gina and Nini. Almost as if there’s more to their question.

“Seb, sweetie, do you remember how Nini was telling us at Thanksgiving how at that army school she goes to, they have all those weird words? Like freshmen are called ‘plobs’ or something?” Carlos says.

“Plebes,” Gina and Nini correct simultaneously.

“Whatever,” Carlos says, sounding slightly annoyed. “Well, I think at her army school, ‘roommate’ is the word for girlfriend.”

Nini’s eyes go wide. She turns towards Gina, her mouth hanging open. She seems to maybe get her bearings enough to try to stumble through a denial?

“We’re not—she’s not—it’s—“

Or not. Clearly Nini is panicking and Gina knows it’s on Gina's behalf. Strangely, Gina thinks, she is not herself panicking at all. Something about being in this space, surrounded by people that share in this whole queer experience, makes her feel safe. And she wants all of them to know that Nini chose her.

“Yes I am,” Gina says. “We are. Girlfriends.”

Gina grabs Nini’s hand and pulls her close, holding their clasped hands up for all to see.

“I knew it!” Kourtney says, throwing her arms up in triumph.

Carlos rolls her eyes. “Bitch, we all knew it. We saw them walking up holding hands while we were in the sitting room.”

“Right, because windows exist,” Nini mumbles, mostly to herself. She looks up at Gina and whispers, “I’m sorry.”

Gina kisses the top of her head and laughs. “It’s okay. Really.”

And really, it’s not just okay. It’s amazing. Gina feels a buzz from being able to acknowledge her relationship with Nini in front of Nini’s friends, and how they just accept her. It completely validates the feelings Gina has always had, and has tried her best to deny. Here, in this group, she is not judged. And it’s not a big deal. She’s just a girl, who is dating a girl. And it’s totally normal.

The party moves to the sitting room, where the wait staff Kourtney has hired are serving hors devours. And everyone is given their first, of what Kourtney said, will be exactly three glasses of champagne. The first with hors devours, the second at dinner, and the third for a midnight toast.

“Because this is classy New Year’s, and we’re not going to have someone get out of control drunk, and break something expensive in my house. Again. I’m looking at you, Nina,” Kourtney had said.

After grabbing a couple of vegan-bacon wrapped dates, Nini grabs Gina’s elbow and guides her over to speak with Kourtney.

“When are we going to meet your new love interest, Kourt?” Nini asks.

“He’s waiting upstairs, and will make their debut before dinner is served,” Kourtney answers.

“Wait, so he’s here, and you’re making them just sit alone upstairs?” Nini asks.

“He’s fine,” Kourtney says with a wave of her hand. She leans in closer to Nini and Gina. “He’s a little shy around crowds and new people and I don’t want to overwhelm them. So when dinner is served it will probably be easier to fit in, you know?”

That’s really sweet, Gina thinks. It makes her like Kourtney a little more. She also thinks that she didn’t know waiting alone until dinner was served was an option.

“Anyway, so how long have the two of you been a thing?” Kourtney asks, changing the subject. “I assume from the email I got from Nini at Thanksgiving you were already together then?”

“No!” Nini says. “We’ve only been together since Christmas day. This is new.”

“Really?” Kourtney asks. “Damn. Gina, this girl was already obsessed with you back then. I got an email that was like, ‘Hey Kourtney hope you’re well. Now here’s a 15,000 word essay on how perfect this girl Gina is.’ Nini, you were gone.”

Carlos and Seb walk up to join the conversation.

“You should have seen it in person,” Carlos says. “It was pathetic.” Then turning to Nini, “No offense, Nini. But she was giving these super long monologues about some girl named Gina, that none of us knew. And it was like, girl, literally no one asked. But she wouldn’t shut up.”

Gina realizes these are Nini’s friends, and giving your friends a hard time is generally an acceptable practice, or so she’s been led to believe by film and television. But Gina still doesn’t like it, and decides to take some of the heat herself.

“Well, while she was here doing that, I was lying in my bed at school wishing she would come back, so, I guess we were in a similar place,” Gina says.

“Awww,” Nini says, reaching up to rub her thumb over Gina’s cheek. “You never told me that! That’s so sweet.”

“Okay, they’re getting gross now,” Carlos says. “I think I’m losing interest.”

“I think it’s sweet,” Seb says. “Besides, that’s how we were in the beginning, too.”

“Seb, I love you,” Carlos says. “But don’t think I will hesitate to sue you for slander!”

As promised, Kourtney goes to retrieve her new paramour before dinner. Unfortunately she does not deem the applause they receive as they descend the stairs sufficient. So after chastising her guests, they go back upstairs, and return to a much hardier welcome.

His name is Jet (he/they pronouns, Kourtney informs the group), and Gina has to admit, they do make an attractive couple.

Dinner conversation is very nice. There’s a lot of talk of high school memories, how everyone missed Big Red and E.J., and tales of how school has been going. Carlos and Seb, who are seniors in high school now, tell Nini and Kourtney about all of the drama that went on around the fall production of Gypsy. And Kourtney manages to include Gina in every conversation they have.

“Did you have any crazy friends in high school, Gina?”

No, she moved around a lot and never had really close friends in high school.

“Has Nini told you much about E.J and Reddie, Gina?”

A little, and Gina hopes to meet them one day.

“Did you ever do theater in high school, Gina?”

No, but she did get into competitive dance when she was a sophomore in high school. But then she had to move again, and had to give it up.

Gina has to admit, Kourtney is a fantastic hostess, and has done everything she can to make Gina feel like she belongs in this group that has—besides Jet—known one another for years.

Gina also enjoys her second glass of champagne. She much prefers it to the cognac Nini’s cousins served at Christmas.

After dinner, the party moves back to the sitting room, which has been rearranged so that a dance floor now sits in the middle of the room, and a pianist is playing in the corner. The lights have been dimmed, and it’s altogether a really romantic setting.

Nini looks up at Gina and extends her hand as they enter the sitting room. “Dance with me?” she asks hopefully.

As if Gina could ever deny Nini? As if she would ever want to deny that request?

They walk to the center of the dance floor hand-in-hand. Nini puts Gina’s hands on her hips, and then puts her arms over Gina’s shoulders. And together they sway to the music.

Gina looks into Nini’s eyes, and Nini smiles at her. And everything else fades away. It’s just Nini and Gina and the music, and the magic—Nini’s magic–that surrounds them.

At one point during the night, Gina finds herself at the edge of the dance floor standing next to Jet. She takes it on herself to start a conversation. As outsiders, they have something in common.

“So, I didn’t really know Kourtney before tonight, but she seems nice. How are things going with you two?” Gina asks.

Jet takes a moment to answer. “Pretty great. Kourtney likes to do everything big, you know? Which isn’t me, but I think that’s what makes us work.”

Gina nods. “I get that.”

“Nini seems great, too,” Jet says.

“She really is,” Gina says. “She’s so good at seeing the best in people, you know? And I can be a little cynical. So we really balance one another.”

“Well, hey, I’m glad you two have each other, then,” Jet says.

“Same for you and Kourtney. You guys seem really happy,” Gina says.

It’s not the most natural conversation she’s ever had. Jet, Gina thinks, has a lot in common with her in preferring to skip those interactions, if possible. But it’s nice to know she’s not alone in a group of long-time friends.

When it’s 11:55 PM waiters come back out to give everyone their last glass of champagne. The wait for midnight seems to take so long. Gina brims with anticipation as she looks at Nini. And can’t stop staring at Nini’s lips. And it’s so stupid. She’s kissed Nini so many times at this point. But something about the romance of a New Year’s kiss…

10…

9…

8…

7…

6…

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

As midnight strikes, Gina and Nini toast the New Year with Nini’s friends, take a sip of their champagne, and kiss. And it’s just as romantic as Gina hoped. Filled with promises of many tomorrows, and many kisses to come. It was worth the wait.

The pianist plays Auld Lang Syne, and Gina and Nini hold one another and sway.

“You know, now that you’ve kissed me at midnight, you’re stuck with me for at least another year,” Nini says.

“I’d be fine getting stuck with you for a lot longer than that,” Gina answers.

Being with Nini is the opposite of being stuck, really. Being with Nini is being exactly where she’s supposed to be. And Gina could stay there forever.

About half an hour later, Nini makes an excuse about her and Gina needing to go to bed because they’ll be back on East Coast time soon or something. No one buys it, and they tease Nini about it. Gina doesn’t care what they say. She wants some time with Nini, too.

Gina follows Nini to an upstairs bedroom, where they both change into their pajamas (Gina is careful to turn her head while Nini is changing). Nini hops on the bed and pats the spot beside her. “You coming to bed?”

“So you really are ready to go to sleep?” Gina asks.

“Wellll,” Nini drawls. “I assumed we’d make out for a little while first.”

“That’s a good plan,” Gina responds. “I like that plan.”

And so they do.

An indeterminate amount of time later, Nini lies snuggled into Gina’s side. Gina feels so content.

“Hey,” Nini says. “My friends really liked you. I could tell. And I’m sure E.J. and Reddie will love you when you meet them, too. It means a lot to me that my friends approve.”

“Would you break up with me if they didn’t?” Gina asks.

Nini seems to consider it for a moment. “With you?” Nini asks. “No, no way. But I would probably fire them as friends. And it would suck to have to find a bunch of new life-long friends. So this outcome really is the most convenient for me.”

Gina laughs. “I like them, too. So you know. I was worried about meeting Kourtney, because you guys used to, you know?”

“Date?” Nini asks.

“Yeah,” Gina answers. “And, it’s weird, but if I didn’t know you had been together, I never would have guessed. You’re more like sisters than exes?”

“See, I told you. There was nothing romantic about our relationship in the end. Really there wasn’t a lot of romance in the beginning,” Nini says. “We were friends, and then we realized we both like girls. Well, I only liked girls, and she also liked girls. So we kind of chose one another by default, because no one else was looking for gangly Nini with braces. And Kourtney—well, Kourtney probably could have found someone else, which she eventually did, which is why we broke up.”

“Please, I would have been all over gangly Nini with braces,” Gina says. “Kourtney would have had to fight me for you.”

Nini laughs. Hard. She turns over on her back holding her stomach. It’s such a dorky laugh, complete with snorting. And Gina finds it very attractive for some reason?

“No you wouldn’t have!” Nini is finally able to get out over her laughter. “What was 13 year old Gina even like?”

“13 year old Gina had just gone through a huge growth spurt, so she was very awkward while she was still adjusting to the longer legs and arms. But despite that, she was a little overconfident, opinionated, always thought she was right—”

“So the same as now, pretty much except with some mild physical awkwardness?”

“Haha,” Gina says sarcastically. “You’re just mad that you never experienced a growth spurt.”

“Hey!” Nini says, shoving Gina’s shoulder.

Gina shoves her back and grabs Nini’s hands before she can retaliate. Not to be out maneuvered, Nini turns her hips and throws a leg over Gina, straddling her. And suddenly their faces are very close again.

So, okay, a little more kissing before sleep.

Chapter Text

Nini cries the night before she and Gina have to fly back to New York.

They’re lying in bed together because Nini told her moms she didn’t care about their rules (they had been sleeping separately since Christmas, except New Year’s, on Dana and Carol’s orders) because she had to go back to West Point the next day and she was going to sleep next to her girlfriend for probably the last time for a while. So they lie together, and Nini cries.

It’s not uncontrollable sobbing or anything, but it still breaks Gina’s heart, and she holds Nini while the tears flow, whispering affirmations, and repeatedly kissing Nini’s forehead.

Finally Gina hears Nini’s breathing even out, and looks down to see the crying has stopped.

“So, you want to talk about it?” Gina asks. She assumes Nini will. Nini usually wants to talk about whatever bothers her. It’s probably a pretty healthy way to deal with emotions?

“Yeah,” Nini says, her voice a little weak, scratchy. “It’s nothing big, really. It’s just, these past couple of weeks have been so amazing. Especially since Christmas, everything has just fallen into place, and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. It’s been like living a dream. And now that we have to go back…”

“Hey,” Gina says. “We talked about this. We’re going to be fine when we go back. It won’t be perfect, and we’ll miss each other all day, but every couple goes through that to some degree, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Nini answers. “But I guess I’m scared.”

Gina turns to full face Nini, and takes her hand. Gina brings Nini’s hand to her lips, and kisses it.

“What are you scared of?” Gina asks, looking directly into Nini's eyes.

Nini averts her gaze a little. “I guess I’m just scared that too much will change. That maybe you won’t like me as much when we go back? I don’t know, it’s stupid.”

“It is,” Gina says. “Not your feelings, your feelings are totally valid. But the idea that I won’t like you as much? That’s stupid, because I like you so much, Nini. I was fighting against how much I like you from the moment I met you, until I finally got to kiss you for the first time. Literally. Do you know what my first thought was when I moved into your room, and you walked in, fresh out of the shower?”

“What?” Nini asks.

“I thought, ‘god she is really pretty.’ And then you started talking, and I thought you were cute. And I tried so hard to push both of those thoughts away. Because I knew I shouldn’t be thinking that. But it kept getting worse. You did something every day that I thought was cute or attractive, and I had to pretend it annoyed me. And I got pretty good at pretending. But the truth is, Nini, I’ve wanted you as long as I’ve known you, I promise,” Gina says.

“It’s just, no one has ever chosen me for me, really. Like, Kourtney was my girlfriend, but it’s because I was the one who was there. We were both queer and it felt like we should probably just date each other. And there were a couple of girls I kissed after Kourtney, but they were just using me to see if they liked kissing girls. I was an experiment. And I think I even knew at the time, but I acted like I didn’t care. But I did. I’ve always just been convenient. Which I’m not saying that’s what this is,” Nini says, motioning between the two of them. “But I’m worried it is, because I’m just me, and you’re you and why would you choose me?”

Gina breathes deeply. “I choose you, Nini, because you are the kindest, sweetest, best person I have ever known. And, you know, it doesn’t hurt that you’re literally beautiful. It hurts to know that your past experiences have made you doubt that. Even, like with Kourtney, who I’m sure didn’t have anything but the best of intentions. But all those experiences have made you doubt how great you are. But you are. And I can’t believe I’m so lucky, not just to have you in my life, but to have you as my girlfriend. And I’m not letting you go.”

A silence hangs in the air for a moment. But not an uncomfortable silence.

“I like how much you talk to me now. You say really sweet words,” Nini says, smiling. “And I’m not letting you go, either.”

For whatever reason, Nini saying that brings Gina’s thoughts back to the promise she made to Carol. That if anyone found them out, that Nini would try to fight it. That she wouldn’t be able to walk away. And that Gina would have to be the one to end things to protect both of them. And she sobers a bit. Gina meant it when she said she wasn’t letting Nini go, but she would if it was the only way to keep her safe.

“But there is a conversation we need to have. We need to discuss, practically, how we’re going to manage keeping our relationship a secret when we get back,” Gina says. She doesn’t want to have to keep her promise, so an ounce of prevention over a pound of cure, or whatever.

“Do you think it will be that hard?” Nini says. “We can just keep being who we were last semester when we’re out of the room. Everyone knows we’re close friends, so it won’t seem suspicious that we’re always around one another. And then we can be…more when we’re in our room.”

“It sounds simple enough,” Gina says. “But we have to be so careful, Nini. I’m serious. We don’t exactly have a strong track record for keeping things between us. Your moms found us out within half an hour of us deciding to be together.”

That came out harsher than Gina intended. She hopes Nini didn’t notice.

“Well, that’s true, but they were already suspecting, so…”

“Your lola found us out, too,” Gina adds.

“Yeah, that was horrifying,” Nini admits.

“And then when we spent New Year’s with your friends, they found us out before we ever walked in the house, because we weren’t being careful enough.”

Nini swallows hard and turns her entire body away from Gina. 

“Are you talking yourself into having second thoughts?” she asks in a whisper.

“What?” Gina asks. “No! Nini, no, stop thinking things like that. You and me? We’re worth the risk. That’s what we both said. It’s just, we have to be very intentional about how we act when we’re around other people. And I’m not just saying this for you, I’m saying it for me, too. Because I’m going to want to hold your hand when we’re eating a meal together. I’m going to want to steal a kiss from you when I pass you on campus. I’m going to want to tell every single person I see that you’re my girlfriend.”

“But you can’t. We can’t,” Nini says, turning back to face Gina finally.

“I’ve been on Army bases all my life, Nini. There have been gay and lesbian couples. And a lot of them were found out, and both of them got discharged. But some of them, it was more like an open secret? But they didn’t bring the wrong kind of attention to themselves. And that’s what we have to do. We have to make sure that we’re not giving anyone a reason to look into us. So that means we’re cordial, maybe friendly to one another around campus. But no more than that. It means we don’t say anything that could be taken the wrong way. It means we don’t leave a paper trail. So no text messages, no emails, certainly no letters to one another that even hint at a romantic relationship. If they do start looking into us, and I hope they never do, but we can’t make it easy to find something.”

Gina pauses to let all of that sink in.

“It sucks, and it’s homophobic, and it’s everything you want to say about it. But the ‘don’t ask’ part of Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell does exist. So we just have to make sure we don’t give them a reason to ask,” Gina says.

Nini nods. “You’re right. And I know we’ve been careless. But, I wasn’t so worried about it here? Like, yeah, we weren’t going to tell my friends, but if they found out, so what? We hadn’t had a chance to think about telling my moms, but at the same time, if they found out, so what?”

“And your lola?” Gina asks with a cheeky smile.

“I swear if you don’t stop reminding me of that,” Nini says with false rage, pinching Gina’s arm. “I know what we’ve experienced here isn’t what we’re going to experience back at school. And I do think we’re worth having to be careful. But wasn’t it nice to have a whole week when we didn’t have to think about it? We could just be ourselves all the time?”

“It was a great week,” Gina says. “The best week.”

“And you’re really not just going to lose interest in me when we go back to school?” Nini asks.

“No!” Gina says. “Never.”

“Not even if you found out something terrible about me?” Nini asks.

“Like how annoying you can be?” Gina asks. “Sorry, I already know that, and I still choose to be with you.”

“Well, what if you found out, like, I was a double agent from an enemy country, and I was sent here to get close to you so I can learn state secrets?” Nini asks.

“I don’t know, are your feelings for me still real?” Gina asks.

“Oh yeah,” Nini says. “I completely broke protocol and fell for you in the process. But I’m an enemy spy! Are you breaking up with me?”

“Sounds kinda sexy,” Gina says. “I think I’d still keep you around.”

“You go,” Nini says.

Gina thinks she understands the game. “Okay, well, what if I accidentally ran over one of your relatives with a car? Would you break up with me?”

“Which side of my family?” Nini asks.

That seems an odd question, but Gina plays along. “Carol’s side, I guess.”

“Oh, then I’d probably help you hide the body,” Nini says.

Gina looks at her questioningly.

“Do you remember I told you that, growing up, there were always these asshole homophobes that were trying to get me taken away from my moms?” Nini asks. Gina nods. “So, there were probably a couple of nosy teachers who made comments to CPS once or twice, though we can’t prove that, but more than anything else, it was Mama C’s family. They never approved of her being with my mom. Or of her being a lesbian, in general. And I don’t know if they thought that, if I got taken away, it would somehow split my moms up or something? Maybe that was their motivation?  Or maybe revenge? I don’t know. But whatever the reason, they always tried to sabotage us. And I hate them. I don’t even know them, and I hate them so much.”

Gina lets that resonate for a moment. A pretty heavy answer for what was supposed to be a fun game. But when Gina thinks about it, it makes sense? She’s been with Nini’s family for two weeks, and not a word from Carol’s side of the family. They weren’t even brought up. Granted, Gina doesn’t have any contact with her father’s family, but he’s never been in the picture in her life. But Carol is front and center in Nini’s, and that such a loving mother came from a family with so much hatred in their hearts? It’s so fucking sad, and makes Gina so fucking angry for what this beautiful family had to endure.

It’s actually Nini who breaks the tension. “I don’t think I would break up with you if you ran over one of my relatives from the other side of the family either, though. I would be sad, but I’d forgive you.”

“Good to know,” Gina says. “But I’ll try to be careful when I’m driving around your family, anyway.”

That earns a small laugh from Nini.

“Can I tell you a serious one?” Nini asks.

“Of course,” Gina says.

“Lying is a dealbreaker for me. Not just lying, but being dishonest, like even lies of omission. If you keep things from me, I can’t be with you,” Nini says. And her face is so serious.

Gina doesn’t consider herself a dishonest person at all. In fact, sometimes she knows she can be too honest, and people don’t always receive that well. But she also can keep things to herself at times. The cost of growing up largely alone, and always in a new place. And without friends to share things with. But if that’s what Nini needs?

“I won’t hide the truth from you,” Gina says. “Ever.”

And she really hopes she can keep that promise.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Nini’s moms take the girls to the airport the next morning. It’s a tearful goodbye, and Gina does her best to hide that her own eyes are sweating a bit. When they’re through security, Nini makes her requisite stop by the USO lounge, but the smaller girl’s mood is much more somber than it was on the way to Salt Lake City. Gina knows her girlfriend–a title she’ll never get sick of using for Nini–is dealing with a lot. Leaving her family again. Mourning the loss of their safe bubble. And maybe Nini is preparing herself for the stoicism required in hiding that relationship when they return to campus.

While they’re walking toward their gate, Gina looks around and not seeing anyone she knows, and not seeing anyone in military uniform, she grabs Nini’s hand and pulls her close, giving Nini a quick kiss.

Nini steps back after the kiss and looks around wildly. “Gina! What if someone saw?” she whisper-yells.

“They didn’t, I checked,” Gina answers.

“Then what was that for?” Nini asks.

“It was for me, because I wanted to kiss you. And it was for you, to remind you that even though we’re going to have to be more discreet, we’re still going to have our moments. I don’t want you to forget that, when things might seem hard,” Gina says.

Then, Nini smiles, for what Gina thinks is the first time all day. “I like that,” Nini says. “The kiss, and you reminding me. Sorry if I’ve been a whiny baby all day.”

“You haven’t. You’ve been sad, and that’s okay,” Gina says. “You always try to make everyone around you happy. So just this once, let your girlfriend be the one to make you happy?”

Nini smiles even bigger then. “You make me happy all the time. But say that again. The last part. About you being my–”

“Your girlfriend? I’m your girlfriend, Nini. And you’re mine,” Gina says.

Nini almost skips to the gate after that, and it does Gina’s heart good to see Nini’s heart full again.

When it’s time to board their flight, Gina and Nini are the only two people who board as active duty military personnel. Knowing they don’t have to worry about other members of the military onboard, Gina holds Nini’s hand as they take off. And Nini falls asleep on Gina’s shoulder.

When they arrive back at West Point, the afternoon is filled with helping fellow cadets move back in, a company-wide presentation by a group of firsties, and catching up with friends and acquaintances.

That evening, after dinner, and not long before lights out, Gina finds Nini in the barracks hall talking to another plebe named Pratt. Gina walks up in the middle of a conversation.

“It was really disappointing,” she hears Nini say. Gina hopes she’s not talking about anything over Winter Break. Unless, is it subterfuge since they can’t tell anyone the full story about what happened over break?

“I mean, Thanksgiving is supposed to be special, and they barely spent any time together! The joke was funny, but shouldn’t they have all been together? And now that’s the last F·R·I·E·N·D·S Thanksgiving we get?”

Oh, it’s about a show? Then Gina doesn’t feel bad about interrupting.

“Hey Nini, we only got half an hour until lights-out. I was gonna turn in,” Gina says, stepping up to Nini’s side (but careful not to stand too close as to be suspicious).

“Oh hey Porter, you have a good break?” Pratt asks.

“Yeah, it was great. You?” Gina asks.

“It was nice to get away,” Pratt says.

And clearly Gina has broken up the flow of the conversation Nini had going with Pratt.

“Um, I think I’m going to go back to the room with Gina. Goodnight Emily. Good to see you,” Nini says.

Gina walks into the room just ahead of Nini who shuts the door behind herself.

“So, you’re tired?” Nini asks.

“Tired of not kissing you,” Gina answers, raising her eyebrows up and down.

“Oh my god that’s terrible,” Nini groans. “I can’t believe I’m actually going to let you kiss me after you said that.”

“But you are, right?” Gina asks.

Nini lets her hands fall to her sides. Her head drops dramatically to look at the floor. “Yeah, I am,” she says.

They both fall onto Gina’s bunk and kiss, and laugh until someone shouts a five minute warning from the hall for lights-out.

Reluctantly Gina crawls out of her bunk and gives her hand to Nini to help her to her feet. Nini starts to climb up to her bunk, but pauses.

“It’s probably not a good idea for me to sleep in your bed with you, is it?” Nini says, with what seems to be a little hope in her voice, that Gina will disagree.

But Gina doesn’t. “It’s not. The door doesn’t lock. We could oversleep and someone could come in, in the morning. Or someone could be doing bunk checks in the middle of the night. And I don’t think we could explain away sleeping in the same bed. Even if all we’re doing is sleeping.”

Nini sighs. “Yeah, I know you’re right. It just sucks a little bit.”

“It sucks a lot,” Gina says. And she watches as Nini climbs into her bed.

“Goodnight, Gina,” Nini says, as she lies down, pulling her blanket over herself.

“Nini?” Gina asks. “Can I ask a favor?”

“What’s up?” Nini says, propping herself up on an elbow to look at Gina.

“This is going to sound weird, but do you think you could maybe sing me that song? The one you use to go to sleep?”

Nini seems to contemplate the request for a moment. Then, shyly, “Okay. It’s called My Baby Just Cares for Me , by Nina Simone.”

“Like your name?” Gina asks.

“Yeah, so, when Mama D was pregnant with me, my moms swear I would kick every time they played a Nina Simone record. So they named me after her. And then when I was a baby, they would play this song for me every night at bedtime. It’s why it makes me think of home,” Nini explains.

“That’s so sweet,” Gina says. “Thank you for telling me.”

Gina lies down in her own bunk then.

“I’ll stop talking now so you can sing. Goodnight Nini.”

And in the quiet and dark of the night, Nini softly sings Gina to sleep.

My baby don't care for shows
My baby don't care for clothes
My baby just cares for me
My baby don't care for cars and races
My baby don't care for high-tone places
Liz Taylor is not her style
And even Lana Turner's smile
Is somethin' she can't see
My baby don't care who knows
My baby just cares for me

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Assimilating back into the daily grind at West Point is fairly easy. Or it’s certainly not as bad as the worst case scenario Gina imagined for herself. It doesn’t hurt that the engineering class she hated is now in her past.

Navigating a secret relationship is much tricker, at first. Not that there’s any strife between Gina and Nini, but they have to work to find a rhythm. They have to work to relearn how to act around one another in front of other cadets.

It takes a little time, a few weeks at least, but they develop a fairly regular routine by the end of their first month back on campus. And the time away from one another in classes and other activities make the two hours—from 19:30 to 21:30 every night—they have all to themselves all the sweeter.

So in early February, Gina is surprised when it’s 15 minutes into the study period, and Nini hasn’t returned to the room. And she didn’t see Nini at dinner, either. Gina lets another five minutes pass, and she really starts to worry. She thinks about calling Nini’s phone. But then she remembers Nini’s phone is in the room with Gina.

Just as Gina decides she needs to go look for her girlfriend, the door swings open and she sees Nini fighting with the door and a set of crutches. She waits for the door to close before standing up. Just in case there’s anyone outside, she doesn't want anyone but Nini to see her freak out. But once it closes, Gina is on her feet and by Nini’s side.

“What the hell happened?” she asks.

Nini chuckles. “Patch of ice. Stairs. Slipped. Fell. Cracked my ankle,” she says. “Pretty boring story, honestly,” she adds disinterestedly.

“ Cracked your ankle, as in?” Gina asks.

“They did an x-ray at the infirmary. It’s not completely broken, but a small piece of bone chipped off. And I have a pretty nasty sprain. They don’t think it should cause any permanent issues, and I won’t need surgery or anything. I guess the chip floating around in there is fine? But I won’t be using my foot for the next four to six weeks,” Nini answers.

“You have a piece of bone floating around in your ankle, and it’s a pretty boring story?” Gina asks.

Nini shrugs. “Yeah, I mean, stereotypical clumsy lesbian stuff, I guess.”

“Shush!” Gina whispers. Somehow it feels dangerous to mention their sexuality out loud. Even behind closed doors.

“They can’t hear me,” Nini laughs. “We make out in here every night, and it’s fine. This is our safe, gay little bubble.”

“Wait,” Gina says. “Is clumsiness actually a lesbian stereotype?”

“I don’t know,” Nini says. “I thought so, but maybe that’s just something my moms say about me?”

Nini laughs.

“Still,” Gina says, finally closing the remaining distance between them and wrapping her secret girlfriend in a hug. “I’m glad you’re–mostly–okay.”

“It’s nothing, I swear,” Nini says, even as she leans into Gina’s hug. “You’ll be laughing at me about this tomorrow. And hey, it gets me out of running for the next six weeks, so I’m counting this as a win.”

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

“I’m sad I won’t be able to come watch you,” Nini says.

Nini is sitting on Gina’s bunk. Although, since Nini’s injury, they’ve both been sleeping on the bottom bunk. With Nini unable to easily get up and down to her bunk, they agreed that it was reasonable that they share a bed until Nini is fully recovered. And if someone asks? The plan is to say something about Gina being afraid to sleep that high off the ground. It’s flimsy, but neither of them care.

“It’s fine,” Gina says. “It’s a big course, so you’d really only be able to see me start and finish.”

“But that’s the point!” Nini says. “I want to see you cross the finish line and embarrass Lily Evans.”

The Sandhurst Military Skills Competition is an annual event hosted by the United States Military Academy at West Point, and features teams from all domestic service academies, and other service academies around the world. It’s a really big deal. And Gina is one of three finalists to be the plebe female representation on the West Point team. The others are a girl from Bravo Four Company named Sandoval, and of course Evans. Gina doesn't know much about Sandoval. She's never seen her being a particularly high performer. But she is a suck up, and buddy/buddy with some of the instructors, so that's probably why she's getting a shot.

“I’ve never asked you, but why do you hate Evans so much?” Gina asks. “It’s not just because she and I don’t get along, is it?”

“No, it’s not,” Nini says. She fidgets with her hands, and averts her eyes from Gina. “Okay, I’m going to tell you, but don’t like, go beat her up or anything, yeah?”

“You realize you asking me not to beat her up makes me think there’s a reason to beat her up?” Gina asks.

“Yeah, but don’t. I like having you around and they would probably kick you out of school and arrest you if you did that, so…”

“Bonus, if I get kicked out of school, and you leave voluntarily we can date publicly. And also I get to kick Evans’ ass. Win/win.”

“True,” Nini says. “But I would rather not have to communicate with my girlfriend by letter to Army prison, so just don’t.”

“Fine, I won’t fight her. I promise,” Gina says. She sits down on the bed beside Nini to hear the story.

“Okay, so, you know how, when you found out I have two moms that I told you I was hesitant to mention that here at school?” Nini asks.

“Yes,” Gina says. “I already don’t like where this is going, but continue.”

“So, I didn’t always feel that way? When I first got to school, I didn’t think it would be an issue. I mean I’m an adult now so it’s not like someone could take me away from them anymore. And it’s not against the rules to have gay parents. Just that I can’t be gay. Which I am, but whatever. In fact my moms both came to see me off on Reception Day, before we took the oath and started basic. Then during the first week of basic, I was talking to someone about how homesick we both were, and I mentioned missing my moms. Anyway, I guess Lily Evans was listening? And then later that day, she made some comment about it that was—well, less than flattering.”

Gina can feel her anger rising. It was bad enough that Evans messed with Nini. But Gina knows, under all the sweetness, Nini is tough, and can defend herself if she needs to. But that Evans had disparaged Carol and Dana—two of the most caring, loving people Gina has ever met, who are not even present to defend themselves? Gina is already seriously considering homicide. It seems more than justified.

Nini doesn’t seem to pick up on Gina’s anger yet, and she continues.

“So, it was like that for a week, whenever Lily Evans saw me, she would make some kind of comment about my moms, about me being raised by lesbians, saying something about how I was probably like my moms and ‘your kind isn’t welcome in the Army’ or whatever. And it got worse and worse, and one day I guess I messed something up, and Lily Evans called me a stupid dyke,” Nini says. “So, yeah, that’s why I hate her.”

It’s not a blind rage Gina feels. She can see very clearly. And she can also clearly visualize punching Evans until she stops breathing.

“I’ll fucking kill her,” Gina says, low and menacing.

“Gina, you promised,” Nini said. “Please don’t get in trouble. She’s not worth it. Just beat her in the competition. That will be enough.”

“It’s not enough!” Gina says. “There’s no place for someone like her at West Point, or in the Army!”

“I agree,” Nini says. “I wish there was something that could be done about that. But honestly, between what she said, and what you and I are doing? Leadership would say we’re the ones who don’t belong here.”

That sobers Gina. Nini is right. And it’s so fucked up.

“Fine,” Gina says. “But I’m going to absolutely destroy her today.”

Nini smiles. “Good! I hope you beat her so bad you make her quit school.”

“I’ll do my best,” Gina says, patting Nini’s leg. “I better go do that, then. Kiss for good luck?”

Nini gives her two kisses, in fact.

When all three competitors, Gina, Evans, and Sandoval reach the starting line, the officer in charge of the competition, Major Peterson addresses them.

“Cadets, the three of you have been chosen to compete for the final spot on West Point’s Sandhurst team for this year. We have set up a three mile obstacle course run. Your performance on this run will determine which cadet will be added to the team. The race will begin when the starter’s pistol sounds. Any questions?”

“No sir!” all three cadets say in unison.

The pistol fires into the air, and the cadets sprint off the line. About 400 yards into the race, Gina comes to the first obstacle: a sandpit ropes course.

She falls to her stomach and forearm crawls under the ropes, and to the other side. When she gets back to her feet to resume running, she realizes she has developed a sizable lead, already.

The course then takes the runners into a wooded area at the edge of campus. Gina is about 100 yards ahead of Sandoval, with Evans being even further behind. Gina jumps over a downed log, and sprints ahead. Behind her, she hears a yell, and a crash.

Gina slows and looks back to see Sandoval on the ground, rolling around in pain. Gina stops.

“You okay Sandoval?” Gina shouts. There’s no one out on the course except the runners, so there’s no one to tend to an injured competitor.

“I think it’s broken!” Sandoval shouts back, holding her leg, just as Evans sprints by the downed cadet. 

“Shit,” Gina mutters under her breath. She really wants to finish the race and destroy Evans. Which she knows she could do. But how long would it take for someone to come tend to Sandoval? And it’s still pretty cold out, and Gina doesn’t want to leave her fellow cadet on the cold ground.

Gina jogs back to where Sandoval lay, letting Evans pass by her in the process.

“Come on,” Gina grumbles, reaching down to help Sandoval up. “Put your arm around me, I’ll take you back to the starting line.”

“But the race!” Sandoval protests.

“It’s fine. I can’t leave you here alone,” Gina answers. Sometimes she hates how she’s become a better person.

Gina holds Sandoval around the waist and helps her limp back to the starting line, bypassing the remaining obstacles on the way. When they arrive back at the starting line, Gina sees Evans standing across the finish line with her hands on her knees, and a shit-eating grin on her face.

Just as Gina crosses the line with Sandoval, Sandoval brushes Gina aside and starts walking normally. Gina is confused. What the hell is going on?

“Thank you Sandoval,” Major Peterson says, walking over to the cadets.

“Yes, sir,” Sandoval says, snapping a salute.

“Porter, Evans,” the major says, addressing the other two cadets. “One of you showed us exactly what we were looking for today. We wanted to find the best fit for the Sandhurst team. And Porter, you sacrificed the win to take care of a fallen cadet. You refused to leave someone behind. I never said that the winner of the race would be the selection. This was a test, and Porter, you passed with flying colors.”

Major Peterson then turns to Evans. “Evans, you failed miserably. You would do well to start looking out for your fellow cadets, like Porter. You’re both dismissed. Porter, you’ll receive information about meetings for the Sandhurst team.”

Gina looks over to Evans, who is glaring daggers at her. It’s really the sweetest victory Gina could’ve hoped for. Gina smirks at Evans, and walks away. Once she’s out of sight of Evans, she starts to power walk back to the barracks. She can’t wait to tell Nini about how everything went down.

As soon as she’s in the room and shuts the door, Gina shouts, “I got Sandhurst!”

Nini, who is lying on Gina’s bunk cheers, and starts to get up.

“No! Don’t get up,” Gina says. Gina dives on the bed and throws her arms around her girlfriend.

Nini laughs and pushes Gina back just a little. “So how bad did you beat Lily Evans? Was it bad? Did she cry?”

“Well,” Gina says. “I didn’t actually win? Well, I did, but not in the way you would think?”

Nini looks confused. Rightfully so. So Gina explains what happened. The whole, beautiful story.

“So, wait, you won because you’re a good person and Lily Evans is a piece of shit?” Nini asks.

“Pretty much,” Gina says. “And then Major Peterson basically told her that, and said that she needs to try to be more like me. She was so mad!”

Nini laughs again and kisses Gina quickly on the lips. “Oh my god, that’s so perfect. You’re so perfect! I love you.”

They both freeze.

“Wait!” Nini says. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—I mean, not that I don’t, but I didn’t want to say it like that. God! Gina, please, don’t—”

“I love you, too,” Gina says. She can’t help the goofy grin that spreads over her face. Of course she loves Nini! “I love you so much!”

“You do?” Nini asks meekly. “Like really? You’re not just saying it because I said it?”

“Of course not! You told me not to lie to you, remember?”

Nini nods.

“Well, I’m not lying. I love you. I think I’ve loved you for a long time now.”

Nini blows out a relieved sounding breath. “Thank god,” she says. “I’ve loved you for a long time, too.”

That night, as they’re falling asleep in the same bunk, Nini wrapped in Gina’s arms, Gina thinks that of all the days in her life, none could come close to today. Beating Evans was fun. Getting on the Sandhurst team was a great accomplishment. But most of all, the girl of her dreams loves her.

Chapter Text

“Do you think anyone suspects something’s going on between us?” Gina asks.

Gina and Nini lie on Gina’s bunk, holding hands, staring at the ceiling. Funny, even after Nini recovered from her injury, she never bothered to go back to her own bed. Neither of them has even brought it up.

“I don’t think so,” Nini answers. “I mean, we barely interact outside of the room. What reason would they have to suspect us?”

“Well,” Gina says, “since we finished our final exams, the only time we’ve been out of our room for more than an hour is for the graduation parade, which was mandatory. And I know everyone in the company was asking you if you were going to that graduation hop dance thing tonight. Maybe they’re wondering why you didn’t go?”

“No one asked if you were going?” Nini asks.

“I think everyone assumed I wasn’t going,” Gina answers. “I’m the least social person in the company. You on the other hand, you’re everyone’s best friend.”

“I guess,” Nini says. “But still, they all think I’m too nice. They’re probably all convinced I stayed in to keep you company so you wouldn’t be alone.”

“Which is mostly true,” Gina says.

“Mostly,” Nini agrees. “They don’t know about the hand holding, and cuddling and kissing, though.”

“There’s going to be kissing?” Gina asks.

Nini props herself up on an elbow and rolls her eyes at Gina. “There’s always kissing,” she says.

Nini leaves campus the morning after commencement, when cadets are first free to depart for the summer. Gina was unable to find a seat on the same flight, but she is scheduled to fly out the next day to meet up with Nini in Salt Lake City.

Gina is lonely the night Nini leaves. But she finds sleep easier than she expects. Her sheets still smell like Nini, and that makes her feel very comfortable.

The next morning, Gina packs up all of her belongings, and heads to the train. She arrives at the airport four hours before her flight. But it’s okay. She didn’t have anything to do on campus anyway. She makes sure to stop by the USO lounge, and pick up a couple of bottles of water. Nini would disown her if she passed up on free stuff.

Fortunately, her flight is on time, and she arrives in Salt Lake around 3 PM local time. She grabs her rucksack from baggage claim, and calls Nini to tell her where to meet for pickup.

Nini picks Gina up at the airport in her moms’ Volkswagen Jetta. When Nini pulls up to the curb, she pops the trunk and Gina throws her bags in before climbing into the passenger’s seat. She leans over to quickly kiss Nini.

“Missed you,” Nini says.

“It’s only been a day!” Gina says. Then after a moment, “But I missed you, too. Thank you for picking me up.”

“What, like I was going to make you take a cab and miss out on 20 minutes of time with you?” Nini asks.

“No,” Gina says. “But I still have manners, ma’am, so I’m saying thank you.”

A very upbeat, poppy tune plays over the car speakers.

“What are we listening to?” Gina asks.

“Britney!” Nini replies. “This album came out back in November, but I never bought any of the tracks in iTunes, so I haven’t listened to it, until now. It’s…okay. I liked her 2001 album more? But EJ and Reddie are supposed to be in town this weekend, and I know Reddie won’t let me listen to any pop music, so I’m getting my fix in now.”

“What does he listen to?” Gina asks.

Nini shrugs. “Couldn’t say, now. It’s been a year since I’ve seen him. Last time we hung out, before they left for MEPS, he was still listening to Yankee Hotel Foxtrot , the Wilco album. Said it was the best album ever made, or that would ever be made so there was no point in listening to anything else.”

Gina knows what all of those words mean individually. But she decides to let it slide with no further questions.

“Are we going back to your house now?” she asks instead.

“Later,” Nini answers. “I figured you’d be hungry, so we’re going to stop by a Salt Lake institution!”

Gina looks at Nini expectantly.

“Crown Burger! It’s so good, Gina. You have to try the pastrami burger, oh, and their fry sauce!”

Nini is clearly excited to share this with Gina. Gina is not all that excited. But she will try to play along.

“Fry sauce? Like ketchup?” she asks.

“No! Not like ketchup. It’s sauce that you dip your fries in,” Nini answers.

“So ketchup,” Gina says.

“No, it’s not—just wait, you’ll see,” Nini says.

“So a pastrami burger, that’s a burger with pastrami instead of ground beef?” Gina asks.

“Nope! You get the ground beef, too. And they put pastrami on top of that. It’s so good!” Nini exclaims.

“Why would you do that to your body?” Gina asks.

“Because it’s so good!” Nini answers.

It sounds horrifying, honestly, but when Nini is excited, Gina can never say no to her. She can never say no to Nini in general. So she doesn’t.

When they arrive, the drive through line is a little long, so Nini declares they should go inside to eat. Gina tries sneakily to order a Greek salad instead of typical fast food fare, but is shouted down by Nini, who makes Gina’s order of a regular pastrami crown burger with onion rings for her. With extra fry sauce.

Gina manages to eat three bites of the meaty monstrosity, and two onion rings dipped in the fry sauce before her stomach starts to protest. She pushes the rest of her food away.

Nini looks at her, worried. “Did you not like it? Were you not hungry?” she asks.

“No, it’s fine—it’s good,” Gina says. Then she remembers the promise she made to Nini before second semester. To always be honest. This seems pretty insignificant, so why lie. “Actually, it’s just not for me, you know? I don’t do super greasy food.”

Nini seems to contemplate that for a moment. “Yeah, you always eat so healthy. I would be bored with your diet.”

“I would be dead with yours!” Gina says. “I don’t know how you eat the things you do.”

Nini laughs. “My moms would probably be happier with me if I ate like you. So maybe don’t tell them how healthy you are? They’ll give you a mission to fix the way I eat.”

Carol and Dana are very happy to see Gina. And since Nini arrived the day before, Gina gets all of their attention.

They both welcome her “home” and Gina gets butterflies in her stomach hearing Nini’s moms consider her a part of their family and home life.

They ask her how classes went.

“Really well! I had a really strong second semester, and I actually enjoyed all of my classes,” Gina answers.

They ask her about Sandhurst.

“Our team finished second to a team from Great Britain, but it was such a positive experience, and I hope I get to compete again next year,” Gina says.

Later, Carol pulls Gina aside for a private conversation.

“So tell me, Gina, how are things really going between you two, with keeping everything a secret? Nini made it out to be no big deal, but she can be blinded by her optimism at times,” Carol says.

Gina thinks for a moment to make sure she’s not dismissive in the way she answers the question.

“I wish we could be more open, but it was a lot easier than I was scared it would be. At least it’s been pretty easy to keep things quiet. I still get a little scared sometimes that we’ll be found out? But just because of the consequences. I really don’t think we’ve done anything to make anyone suspicious,” Gina says.

Carol nods. “That’s good. And being scared is good, too. That’s how you know you’re taking it seriously. Has Nini ever told you all the hoops Dana and I had to jump through to make things work while Nini was growing up?”

“She has,” Gina answers. “That couldn’t have been easy.”

“Not easy at all. There were days that were just awful. There were things that happened that nearly tore us apart. Things out of our control. But it was all worth it in the end. We both love our family, and love one another too much to let the bad days ruin all of the good ones.” Carol chews her lip for a moment before continuing. “I don’t know for sure, only you and Nini would know, but I think you two have a bond like that, too. And I really hope you can make it work.”

“I think we do. And I think we can,” Gina says. “I’ve never felt for anyone what I feel for Nini. She’s so special.”

“Obviously I think so,” Carol laughs. “But I think you’re pretty special too, Gina. Maybe that’s what makes you so good together.”

Gina never takes her things to the guest room this time, and Carol and Dana don’t say anything about Gina and Nini staying in Nini’s room together, beyond a request to try not to let them walk in a scene like they discovered on Christmas. Or worse.

The rest of their first week of break is pretty relaxed. Gina and Nini spend most of the day snuggled on the couch while Nini catches up on the television her moms Tivo’d for her while she was at school.

Nini cries during the F·R·I·E·N·D·S finale, because, “Monica and Chandler have their babies! I’m so happy for them.”

“And Ross and Rachel ended up together,” Gina points out. “The studio audience seemed happy about that.”

Nini’s crying stops, and she looks angry all of a sudden. “Yeah, I don’t love that part. Rachel gave up her dream job for the worst person in New York? Seriously? Ross sucks, and I didn’t want that. Rachel could have gone to Paris and found a nice girl to love her.”

“Is her character bi?” Gina asks. Granted, she’s only seen the episodes Nini has shown her, but she doesn’t remember Rachel dating women. If so, she'd like to see those episodes.

“Well, she kissed Winona Ryder in an episode once. But in my head, she’s a repressed lesbian who has been allowing men to control her life, for all her life, because it’s not ‘acceptable’ to be gay. But now she’s realizing she can love who she wants, and be who she is,” Nini says. “But they never responded to my emails suggesting that storyline, so here we are.”

Gina doesn’t know enough about the show to argue that point. “If you say it, I believe it. I’m on your side.”

Nini beams up at Gina and kisses her. “That’s why you’re the best girlfriend.”

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Saturday comes, and Gina and Nini attend a welcome home party for Big Red and EJ, held at a restaurant called Salt Lake Slices, which Nini tells Gina is a pizza shop owned by Big Red’s family. “He always said he was going to take it over one day. I hope he still does it when he finishes his service,” she says. “That was always Reddie’s dream.”

Gina doesn’t bring up that post-service dreams don’t always, or even often come true. Making it to “post-service” isn’t even a given, especially during wartime. But stating the obvious would dampen Nini’s joy at seeing her friends, and Gina isn’t going to do that.

Before they enter the restaurant, Nini quizzes Gina. “Okay, so if EJ dares you to do something, what do you say?”

“Always say no,” Gina answers.

“Right,” Nini says, nodding. “And when Big Red asks who your favorite artist is?”

“Michael Jackson,” Gina says. “Because his music is timeless enough, and he’s respected enough as a musician, that I won’t be lectured about modern independent artists.”

Nini actually workshopped a number of ideas for Gina’s “favorite artist.” First it was going to be Otis Redding, but then Nini remembered a period when Big Red was obsessed with Otis Redding and Sam Cooke. So that was out. And the Beatles, Nini decided, was too generic of an answer. So Michael Jackson was the eventual decision.

“Right, but you don’t give that justification. Just say something like Man in the Mirror changed your life or something. And what do you not say?” Nini asks.

“I don’t say that I don’t really listen to music. But Nini, why was all of this necessary? You didn’t give me a crash course when I met Kourtney?” Gina asks.

“This is different!” Nini insists. “Kourtney was suspicious we were together, so I knew she would focus on that more than anything. But EJ and Red won’t care about that as much and I don’t want them to get you hurt, which will happen if you let EJ talk you into, I don’t know, jumping off the building or something.” Gina starts to interrupt but Nini holds her hand up. “It’s happened before. And Big Red is really sweet, but he will talk your ear off about music if you give him a reason to, and I know you don’t really like that much attention from someone you’ve just met.”

“Learned that one the hard way?” Gina asks.

“Yep,” Nini says. “So I want to be the only one who gives you that much attention. To protect you. And also so I can have all of your attention.”

“That’s really sweet, Nini, but I promise, I can actually function socially like a normal human person,” Gina says, laughing.

“You’re right,” Nini says. “I know you are. I just really like it when the people I care about get along with the woman I love. Sorry I’m acting weird about it.”

No matter how many times she hears it, or they say it to one another, it still fills Gina’s heart every time Nini says she loves her.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Gina says. “I understand. But have faith in me?”

“Always,” Nini answers.

Gina sits in a booth at Salt Lake Slices with the four childhood friends, EJ, Big Red, Kourtney, and Nini. EJ doesn’t dare Gina to do anything dangerous. Big Red (Reddie as Nini calls him) doesn’t espouse any opinions about music. In fact, when Nini asks about the top-40 playlist that plays at the party, Red is fine with it, and just wants, “something everyone can enjoy.”

Nini and Kourtney are confused by what they observe from their friends, but Gina recognizes the look both boys have. It’s the look of someone who has been in a warzone. Living on Army bases until the moment she went to West Point, she’s seen it in countless soldiers, particularly enlisted soldiers who are coming back from the shit for the first time.

Silence falls over the table, so Gina asks something she knows Kourtney nor Nini would think to ask. “What did you guys want to do when you got back?”

The boys look down at the table, and then at each other.

“I wanted to be able to kiss or hold my boyfriend’s hand without looking over my shoulder,” EJ answers. Nini and Gina look at one another with a knowing look. That’s a good one. “Also, I wanted to hug Kourtney and Neens. We haven’t been apart this long since we were babies.”

“I thought about this place,” Big Red says. “My family’s restaurant. And being here with my friends. And my boyfriend.” He reaches over and takes EJ’s hand.

“And now we have another friend,” EJ says, raising his glass of root beer in Gina’s direction. “Welcome, officer.”

Gina returns his toast. “Not an officer. Not yet, just a cadet.”

“But we still outrank them and all of their NCOs, technically,” Nini adds, sticking out her tongue.

“Well, Cadet Salazar,” Big Red says.

“Cadet Salazar-Roberts,” Nini corrects.

“No shit! You did it?” EJ asks.

“I did,” Nini answers. “Official and everything.”

“That’s great, Nini. I’m sure you moms were over the moon,” Big Red says, smiling across the table at her. “But I remember before you went away to school, you said you were going to put romantic pursuits on hold, because it would be too complicated.”

“That’s true,” EJ says. “I remember you saying it, because I thought it was weird you worded it that way.”

“Well,” Nini begins, “that was the plan. But then I met her .”

“Oh, y’all should’ve seen it,” Kourtney says, finally joining the conversation. “This girl was lovesick in like four months.”

“It was probably more like two,” Nini says, taking a sip of her drink. “Anyway, Kourtney, will we see Jet any this summer?”

Nini’s diversion works.

“Yeah, they’re coming out next week,” Kourtney says. “But he has to bring their sister with them. So we get to meet a new person.”

“I like Jet,” Gina says. “It will be good to see them.”

The conversation hits a lull again

“So Red, EJ, did you guys see the new ACUs that are replacing the BDUs?” Gina asks.

All branches of the U.S. military are replacing their battle uniforms with a new design. The Army will be the last branch to fully roll out the designs. West Point cadets will be wearing the new designs in the fall, but some active duty soldiers won't be forced to switch to the new design for another two years.

“I saw them,” Big Red says. “They’re kind of…”

“They’re ugly!” Nini interjects. “I hate the digi-camo look. It’s like someone zoomed in on a picture of a uniform and everything is all pixelated.”

“That’s the point, Nini,” Gina says. “They’re supposed to look like that.”

“Well I think they’re ugly,” Nini responds.

“I agree with Nini,” EJ says. “As a gay man, I feel attacked, having to wear something like that. But as a gay man, I would also be kicked out of the Army if they knew, so…”

“Oh! So you think it’s a conspiracy?” Kourtney asks.

This conversation continues for several minutes, and Gina realizes that it’s been dependent on her to open the door for conversations all night. Not her usual role. But it’s kind of exciting? To be the sociable one, for once. She pulls Nini aside to celebrate her small victory.

“Did you see me?” Gina says, once they’re out of earshot of the table. “I was leading the conversation! I was being like you. And I think your friends like me.”

“No, they do,” Nini says distractedly. “They for sure do. It’s just—they seem so different, Gi.”

The smile disappears from Gina’s face. Small victory aside, she will never fail to comfort Nini when she needs it.

“Nini, they’re—well, they are different. You know that saying war changes a person?” Nini nods. “It’s not just a saying. It’s real. They were changed by what they’ve seen, and what they’ve been a part of. But that’s part of the sacrifice they made enlisting.” She pauses for a second. “We’re making the same sacrifice.”

“I know you’re right,” Nini answers. “It’s different when you see it. And when it’s personal. It’s just, I feel like my friends aren’t totally there anymore.”

“They are, though!” Gina says. “It’s still them, Nini. They’ve just been through a lot. It makes you think about how you prioritize things in your life. But you heard them. Both of them. One of the things most important to them is you and Kourtney. Your friendship helped them stay strong while they were deployed. They both love you so much.”

That seems to get through to Nini, and a smile creeps up at the corner of her lips. “As much as you love me?”

Gina scoffs. “ No one loves you as much as I love you. At least they better not. I’m willing to fight someone if I have to.”

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Jet and his sister Maddox arrive in town the next Friday. Gina is glad to see Jet again. She felt a certain kinship with them when they first met, dating such gregarious women (who happen to be bestfriends), while being more reserved themselves. And spending more time with them, Gina learns that he is actually really funny. And clearly that he cares a lot for Kourtney, which makes Gina like them even more.

Maddox is a little different. Not in a bad way, necessarily. They’re just really dorky. But then again, Gina is in love with Nini, so clearly dorks don’t bother her.

It turns out Maddox is really into ghosts and the paranormal. And Gina is admitting it to no one, but she’s always had a certain fixation on ghost stories. Every old Army base has them. It all started when Gina was 9. 

Her mother was stationed at Fort Leavenworth in Kansas, and the family living quarters were a building called the Rookery. 

The Rookery was said to house a number of ghosts. The Lady in White ghost was supposedly tortured and killed by local native tribes a long time ago, while the soldiers were off-post. She screams and chases people she sees in the night.

But Gina’s favorite Rookery ghost was a little girl ghost named Rose. Not much was known about how Rose died, but if you listened at night, you could hear her whistling through the house.

Maddox has ghost stories of their own. On their third night in Salt Lake, there is a sleepover at Kourtney’s house. Well, mansion. Nini and Gina attend, along with EJ and Big Red, and of course Jet, Maddox, and Kourtney. Maddox tells the group a ghost story from a summer camp they used to attend. 

“Her name was Susan Fine,” Maddox begins. “She went mad, and wandered out into the woods around Shallow Lake, chasing a whistle in the night.”

Chills run down Gina’s spine, remembering the whistles she chased at Fort Leavenworth.

“The legend says she was swallowed whole by the lake itself, never to be seen again. But if you wander the woods around the lake at night, you hear her inviting you to come join her.”

Maddox continues telling the stories campers have passed down over the years about their interactions with the ghost. It’s a great story. Gina wishes she could have gone to camp there. It sounds scary and magical.

The other sleepover guests don’t seem as wrapped up in the story as Gina is, and Maddox looks a little disappointed, and excuses themself to go get a drink. But Gina is always game to discuss a little paranormal activity.

“Hey, I really liked your story,” Gina says, approaching Maddox who has their back turned, getting a drink out of the refrigerator.

Maddox turns around, a wry smile on their face. “Yeah? You were the only one.”

“That’s okay,” Gina says. “They’re missing out, I think. You know, I used to chase ghosts wherever my mom was stationed.”

“Really?” Maddox asks, sounding a little excited.

Gina sits down at the table in Kourtney’s breakfast nook, and  tells Maddox the stories from Leavenworth. She also tells Maddox about Edgar Allen Poe’s ghost at Fort Monroe. And Maddox is impressed.

“That’s really cool,” Maddox says. “It’s a shame you never came to Camp Shallow Lake. You would have loved it.”

“I feel like I would have,” Gina admits.

“I’m going to miss going there this year,” Maddox says. “I started going in seventh grade, and it was the highlight of my summer. It was the only place I felt like I could be myself, you know?”

Gina knows that feeling all too well. Gina hid parts of herself all her life. 

“I was always scared to come out to my parents. They…weren’t exactly accepting of, you know, who I loved,” Maddox says somberly.

Gina definitely identifies with that.

“But at camp, I didn’t have to worry about that. It’s where I met my girlfriend,” Maddox says. “She actually goes to school with you guys.”

That makes Gina sit up. Another queer girl at West Point? In reality there are probably tons of queer kids at West Point, Gina knows, and she’ll likely never know about any of them. But still, it’s a little surprising to get confirmation. Gina wonders if she should ask for a name? But no, Maddox wouldn’t want to out their girlfriend. Instead, Gina decides maybe just being sympathetic towards this unnamed girlfriend would be best.

“It’s hard,” Gina says. “At West Point, I mean. Being, well, being gay, and wanting to love who we love, and having to keep it hidden. But whoever she is, I’m glad she has you.”

“I don’t know if you know her,” Maddox says. “Her name is—”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Gina blurts out. “I wouldn’t want you to out her to me, if she doesn’t know.”

Maddox smiles. “It’s fine, Gina. I like you. You’re the one person who didn’t make me feel lame about my ghost story tonight. And you know, Nini seems really nice, too? I think it would be good for Emily to have people that understand her.”

“Emily?” Gina asks. Gina knows an Emily, in her company. Emily Pratt. Nini is friendly with her. But it couldn’t be, could it?

“Emily Pratt,” Maddox clarifies. And yep, that’s the one.

“She likes to talk to Nini about tv shows,” Gina says.

Maddox rolls their eyes. “Of course she does. You know she made me watch the F·R·I·E·N·D·S finale with her, and she cried the whole time?”

“So did Nini!” Gina erupts. And they both laugh. “I’m glad I met you, Maddox. And I’ll watch Emily’s back, when we get back to school.”

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Big Red and EJ have to return from their leave the next week. They share a tearful goodbye with Nini and Kourtney, and Gina hugs both of the boys. And she realizes there’s some truth to Nini’s teases that Gina is turning soft, because somehow Nini and her friends and family have turned Gina into a hugger. And she kind of likes it.

The week after that, Kourtney, Jet, and Maddox depart for the house in the Hamptons Kourtney’s parents are renting for the summer. And, Jesus, how much money does Kourtney’s family have?

Near the end of June, Nini surprises Gina with a road trip. They drive to San Francisco to stay with Nini’s uncle, and to enjoy Pride.

“There’s a Pride celebration in Salt Lake,” Nini explains. “And it’s a lot of fun. It’s been growing every year. But this is your first Pride, and we need to do it big.”

And it’s very big. Nini’s uncle lives in the heart of The Castro, in a beautiful third story walk-up with a view of the entire city. And from the moment they arrive, it’s like the city is alive. There’s such a buzz in the air, and Gina has never been around so many people living their authentic lives. Gina has never felt more at peace with who she is.

Gina and Nini hold hands at the parade, and Gina is struck by a thought.

“This celebration was made for you,” she tells Nini, leaning close to her girlfriend’s ear so she can be heard.

Nini looks at her confused. “It’s made for all of us, Gina,” Nini responds.

“Right, but I mean this celebration, this year. The theme is ‘You’ve Gotta Give Them Hope.’ That’s so you. You are always so optimistic, and you always make everyone around you hope for the best. You’ve done that to me,” Gina says.

Nini smiles and kisses Gina. Then holds her close as she says, “You’ve done so much for me, Gina Porter. Knowing and loving you has changed me forever.”

When they return to Salt Lake City, they have only a few days until they’re due to return to West Point for cadet field training. They spend those days at Nini’s home, enjoying one another, and their time with Dana and Carol.

“Have you heard anything about whether you two will be roommates again next year?” Carol asks over dinner, their last night before returning.

It’s been a source of concern the entire six weeks they’ve been in Salt Lake City. Being a couple would be much more difficult if their rooming situation changed.

“Not yet,” Nini says. “Our rooms are assigned by the firsties in our company, so they’ll probably let us know when we report for field training at Camp Buckner.”

“The boys never end up with the same roommates,” Gina adds. “But because there are so few women in the company, it’s possible we’ll end up together again.”

At least Gina hopes they do.

“It will work out,” Nini says. “I’m sure of it.”

Gina is not, but Nini’s optimism makes her smile.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Cadet field training is nothing like the basic training they had to endure as plebes. It’s focused on specific skills, like marksmanship and bayonet training, and field leadership. And everything is a competition. The atmosphere is also very different from basic. It’s fun. Like a summer camp, almost. Or what Gina would imagine a summer camp would be.

There’s a single barracks for all of the female cadets, so Gina and Nini have to find their moments where they can. Like going on a hike together (a nearly daily occurrence), or taking longer than everyone in the showers, so they can steal a kiss before returning to the group. But they make it work.

Gina is talking to Nini in the mess hall during the last week of training when they’re approached by one of the newly promoted firsties from their company, Wong.

“Porter, Salazar-Roberts,” Wong says in greeting.

Nini and Gina stand at attention.

“As you were,” Wong says, and they relax.

“So, rooming. There’s only 6 female cadets in your class left in the company. You two liked being together last year?” Wong asks.

And Gina has to avert her eyes. And notices Nini doing the same. Apparently they both really liked “being together” the previous year.

“We did,” Gina manages to answer.

“Figured,” Wong says. And Gina has to bite back nerves that she means something else by that. Because there’s no way she knows, right? “Anyway, we’re doing two rooms of three for your class for this year. And Porter, since you’re the top performer from your class, figured I’d give you the option. Would you rather us add Parker or Pratt to your room?”

Gina instantly makes the connection. Emily Pratt is dating Maddox, Gina’s sort of friend. A fellow girl-dater. Emily Pratt gets along with Nini. If Emily Pratt is in their room, they could have an ally to help keep their secret while still being able to be together.

“Pratt works for me,” Gina says, trying to sound casual.

“Cool,” Wong says. “We’ll make it happen.”

Once Wong walks away, Nini turns to Gina.

“Figured you’d pick Ashley Parker,” Nini says. “She’s crazy competitive, like you.”

Gina smirks. “I have my reasons.”

“Hey, I’m not complaining. I like Emily. She’s really nice. But what reasons?”

Gina is unsure about the protocol. Is it outing Emily to tell Nini about her relationship with Maddox? Maddox told Gina, and made it sound like it was fine that Gina and Nini knew. But that wasn’t Emily’s choice. So maybe she should talk to Emily first?

“I’ll tell you soon,” Gina says.

“But—”

“I’m not keeping it from you, I promise,” Gina interrupts. “I just need to talk to Emily first.”

“Wait, you called her Emily. Not Pratt. You never call someone here by their first name. I had to beg you and eventually make you fall in love with me for you not to call me by my last name,” Nini observes. “What gives?”

Well shit. That was a slip.

“I’ll tell you soon, I promise,” Gina says, hoping that’s enough.

“I don’t have anything to worry about, right? Like you’re not secretly in love with her, too?” Nini asks.

Gina laughs. “You have nothing to worry about. You’re the only one for me.”

Chapter Text

After the return to post (West Point for leaving the summer camp they were at and going back to campus), Gina, Nini, and Emily Pratt settle into their new quarters. Nini has been very careful about not appearing too friendly around Gina. Gina makes it a point to remedy that as soon as possible.

When Nini leaves the room to go to the bathroom, leaving Gina alone with Emily, Gina takes it as her moment to bring everything to light.

“So, Pratt,” it’s important, Gina thinks, not to come off as too familiar just yet. “How’s Maddox doing?”

Emily drops the pair of boots she was holding. Her eyes go wide, and dart back and forth between Gina and the door. Where does she think she could run? Gina thinks. Emily’s panic doesn’t quickly go away and the other cadet’s mouth is hanging open. So, clearly, Maddox didn’t out Gina and Nini to their girlfriend, or even tell her that Gina knew.

“Relax,” Gina says. If Emily doesn’t, Gina knows this conversation won’t go anywhere, and Nini will be back before she can achieve her goal. “I met Maddox this summer. We became fast friends. They told me about you two, because they knew they could trust me.”

“How did they know that?” Emily asks skeptically.

“Well, because you’re not alone in the whole being a sapphic thing,” Gina answers. It’s a great word, sapphic , and she’s glad she learned it from Nini, regardless of how embarrassing that lesson was.

“I’m not?” Emily asks. And Gina can see the realization dawn on her face as the panic fades. “You?”

“Me,” Gina answers. The door opens, and Nini walks back in. Good timing. “And also…”

Gina lets her words trail off and looks at Nini.

“Nini, too?” Emily asks, a different type of shock now showing in her expression.

“Nini, too, what?” Nini asks.

“Like, together?” Emily asks, looking from Gina to Nini and back.

“Together what?” Nini asks. “I’m so confused!”

“Nini, my love, I was just telling Emily who you're dating,” Gina answers.

Now Nini’s eyes start to bug out of her head. “Gina! What the fuck?” she whispers. “Why would you—”

“Because I’m gay,” Emily says, cutting Nini off.

Gina laughs. “You remember Jet’s sister Maddox?” Gina says. Nini nods. “Well, our new roommate has apparently been in a relationship with Maddox for years.”

“Oh my god! That’s insane!” Nini says. Then Nini gets a far off look on her face. “Wow, this has to be the gayest bunk in West Point history, right?”

All three of the girls laugh, any previous tension now lifted.

“Maybe?” Emily says. “But I don’t know. Some of the boys…”

The roommates nod in agreement. Boys are weird. Who knows what’s going on with some of them?

Gina straightens her posture. The next part is more serious. “Maddox told me, because they said it would help you to have allies here at school. Someone to watch your back. And I’m glad to do that. And I don’t want to speak for Nini, but…”

“I’m happy to do that, too,” Nini says. “I always knew I liked you, Emily.”

Gina raises an eyebrow.

“Not like that!” Nini says. “Just, she has an energy that makes me want to be her friend. Maybe it was a lesbian sisters-in-arms energy, now that I know?”

Gina nods, accepting that explanation. “But anyway, we’re glad to watch your back. And I hope that you’ll do the same for us?”

“Of course!” Emily says, nodding her head rapidly. “Queer girls gotta stick together!”

Gina nods once more. “Thank you.”

“Just,” Emily says, “I will totally look the other way if you guys are couple-y in the room, or whatever. I get it! If Maddox was here, I would want to be close to them, too. But, you two aren’t going to—”

“Oh my god,” Gina says, a little embarrassed that the question even had to be asked. “We’re not going to do anything gross while you’re in the room with us. Like we’re not going to like,” Gina swallows hard. “We’re not going to, like, have sex ,” she whispers the last word, “while you’re in the room or anything.”

“I don’t remember agreeing to that!” Nini pipes in.

Gina gapes at her. “Nini! We’re not doing that while our roommate is here!”

“But you’re so hot!” Nini whines. “How am I supposed to contain myself?”

Gina decides ignoring Nini is the best course of action. “I will make sure she contains herself,” Gina says, turning her head to Emily, and rolling her eyes.

Emily shakes her head and chuckles. “I think living with you guys is gonna be fun.”

With a few days remaining until classes start, Gina goes out the next morning to enjoy her new freedoms as a yearling (West Point for sophomore). As a plebe, she had to walk next to walls, so Gina makes it a point to walk down the center of every hall and walkway around campus. As a plebe, she had to walk with her hands cupped at her side, so Gina makes it a point to stuff her hands in her pockets as she walks. As a plebe, she was not allowed to speak outdoors, so Gina makes it a point to start random conversations with three people she recognizes as she walks around outside.

It’s the small victories.

And another small victory, the first couple of weeks proves Emily to be a great roommate. Gina made the absolute right call. Emily gets along well with Nini. They talk about things Gina has little interest in, like pop culture and television shows. And Emily has two classes with Gina, so they discuss the material they’re learning about.

One night during study hours, Gina asks Emily how she got together with Maddox.

“It’s a long story,” Emily warns.

“We got time,” Nini says. “Right, Gina?”

“Of course,” Gina answers.

“Okay, so we met at camp when we were 14,” Emily says.

“Camp Shallow Lake, right?” Gina asks.

“Yep, Maddox told you about it?”

“They did,” Gina says.

“They would,” Emily says. “Maddie always loved that camp. They had it rough at home. Their parents weren’t very accepting of them.”

“They told me about that,” Gina said. “Said they felt camp was the only place they could be themself.”

“It’s true,” Emily says. “I was attracted to them instantly. We were in the same bunk, and Maddie was so enthusiastic about every activity we did, and that was so cool to me, that they didn’t care what people thought of them. They just wanted to have fun. Cute and dorky is kind of my type, I guess.”

“I can relate,” Gina says, reaching over to grab Nini’s hand.

“Hey!” Nini says, using her other hand to swipe at Gina’s arm.

“What, you’re not a dork?” Gina says.

“Okay, fine, fair point,” Nini grumbles.

“So I was crushing on them that whole first year at camp. But, like, I didn’t know if they liked girls, and honestly, I hadn’t totally accepted that I like girls before that. I mean, I kind of knew it, but I had never thought about doing something about it before them. And then the last night of camp, there was a bonfire, and Maddie sat beside me, and everyone was singing songs, and just enjoying the night, and they laid their head on my shoulder, and it just felt, I don’t know, like I had never felt so content?” Emily says.

Gina knows that feeling all too well. Before she and Nini were together, a Nini hug made Gina feel so complete. So safe, and content. Like magic. Of course, now she knows Nini’s kisses have a special magic, too.

“Anyway, the next morning when everyone was packing up to leave, I tried to talk to them one more time, but I guess their parents got there early? I was sad I didn’t get to talk to them one last time, but then when I got back to my bunk to grab my stuff, there was a scribbled note from Maddie with their AIM username. Then as soon as I got home, I ran to my room and sent them a message. We talked every day for months,” Emily says.

“So when did you guys become more?” Nini asks.

“After about three months of talking every day, and usually way past when we should have been in bed, I kind of decided to put it all out there. I still didn’t know if they liked girls. I was scared to ask. But I had to know, you know?” Emily says.

“How did that go?” Gina asks. She remembers how she found out Nini was into girls—by eavesdropping on a conversation between Nini and one of her moms—and she was thankfully spared having to ask. Or worse, putting her feelings out there without knowing.

“Well, so I kind of just said everything. How I was happy to have them as a friend, but that I liked them as more than a friend. And if they didn’t feel the same way, it was fine. And I said I hoped I hadn’t made things awkward for them,” Emily says.

“And they said they feel the same way, I’m guessing?” Nini asks.

“Not exactly!” Emily says. “Well, not at first at least. I put it all on the line, and then, they didn’t respond at all.”

“What?” Gina asks.

“Yeah, for three days, I didn’t hear from them. I was sure I’d scared them off, and I was devastated. But then I got a message from them with a link to a geocities site. I didn’t know what to expect, but when I clicked on the link, it was a page that Maddie had made for me. The homepage was a handwritten letter they scanned and posted, and they explained that they were just overwhelmed by my confession, and they felt so strongly for me. And they told me how their parents were super strict, and homophobic, but they liked me too much to care. I don’t know, it was very sweet.”

“That’s such a cute story!” Nini says.

“Yeah. They updated that page every day for years. Except when we were at camp, of course. Every day they would add a poem or song lyrics that reminded them of me. Or a story from their day that they thought would make me laugh. It was their version of giving me flowers every day. But two months after they started that page, I asked them to be my girlfriend, and we’ve been officially dating ever since,” Emily says. “Maddie’s parents think we’re just really good friends from camp. So we’ve been able to discreetly date for years without them finding out.”

“Do your parents know?” Gina asks.

“Yeah, they know,” Emily answers. “I came out to them a long time ago, not long after Maddie and I were officially a couple, and they’re actually really supportive. And they love Maddie.”

“It sucks having to go back in the closet here, doesn’t it?” Nini asks.

“It does,” Emily admits. “I knew I was going to have to when I decided to join. It’s the one thing that—no pun intended—almost queered me on the idea of West Point. But I decided to go through with it. And in a weird way, my experience with having to hide my relationship from my girlfriend’s parents prepared me for having to hide things once I got here.”

“That makes a lot of sense,” Gina says. “I mean, it sucks, but it’s like you had unique training in hiding your sexuality.”

“Exactly,” Emily says. “So how did you two end up together? I would be so scared to date someone who is actually here. It’s very brave.”

“To be honest, I had no intention of dating anyone when I came to school here. This isn’t exactly a prime pickup spot for a raging lesbian,” Nini says. “But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to Gina immediately.”

“Immediately?” Gina asks.

“Hey!” Nini says. “You told me you were, too. You said you thought I was pretty right away!”

“Okay, that’s true,” Gina replies.

“So was Nini the one who made you realize you like girls?” Emily asks.

“No,” Gina says. “I already knew. But my mom always taught me, it’s okay to feel like that, but it’s wrong to act on those feelings. So I didn’t. Until Nini.”

“Oh my god,” Emily says.

Both Emily and Nini are staring at her. She thinks what she said is pretty romantic, too. That she cast aside the lessons from her mother for Nini.

“That’s terrible,” Nini says.

Wait. What? Terrible? “What do you mean?” Gina asks.

“Gina! Your mom told you it was wrong to love who you love?” Nini asks. “I mean, I know she’s military, and I know she knew you were planning on joining the military, but she knew you were gay, and just told you not to do anything about it?” Nini asks.

“Well, yeah,” Gina answers. “It would have caused problems for her. And it certainly would have kept me from getting into West Point. So she told me to ignore those feelings.”

“I’m so sorry, Gina,” Nini says. “I had no idea. It makes me sad that your mom doesn’t support you.”

“I think I’m going to step out. Restroom,” Emily says before excusing herself. She must have seen the anger building in Gina’s expression.

Gina turns back to Nini. “That’s pretty condescending, I’m not gonna lie,” Gina says. “I don’t want you to pity me. I know my mom seems harsh—”

“She sounds homophobic,” Nini says, cutting her off. “And that’s not okay, Gi.”

“She tried her best!” Gina exclaims. “Look, I’m sorry we couldn’t all have perfect parents, like Carol and Dana—”

“My moms aren’t perfect,” Nini interjects. “I know that. But they support me, and they don’t make me feel bad about being who I am.”

“I feel fine being who I am,” Gina answers. “But my mom is all I’ve ever had, and she took care of me, and taught me what I needed to protect myself. And if she doesn’t live up to your standards, then maybe I don’t either. Because I’m just like her.”

“You’re nothing like her, Gina. You’re kind, and accepting. Your mom is homophobic. She taught you to hate a part of yourself and pretend it’s not true. You’re not the same.”

“My mom taught me how to survive,” Gina says. “She taught me how to work hard, and make it in the Army. How to protect myself. Maybe someone should have taught you that part, too. Maybe I wouldn’t have to worry that you’re going to get us caught, and kicked out of school.”

“You think I’m going to get you kicked out of school?” Nini asks, anger now rising in her voice. “I’m not the one that outed both of us to our roommate.”

“I knew it was safe!” Gina says. “And it was important for us to have an ally. That’s why I chose Emily as our roommate. So we could still be close, because I know how needy for affection you can be, and I thought you’d break if I couldn’t give you that affection regularly.”

That’s so unfair, Gina knows it. She craves Nini’s affections just as much. Maybe more. But she also knows what she's saying is the best way to hurt Nini back for speaking ill of Gina’s mom.

“Oh, I’m needy?” Nini says. “At least I’m not emotionally constipated all the time.”

“Fine, I’m emotionally constipated and my mom is a terrible person,” Gina says.

“I didn’t say—”

“She’s a fucking monster, whatever,” Gina says, walking toward the door.

“Where are you going?” Nini asks.

“I’m going to tell Emily she can come back to the room. It’s almost lights out, and I’m so done with this conversation,” Gina answers and she storms out.

Gina finds Emily leaning against the row of sinks in the women’s bathroom. “You can come back to the room now,” Gina says.

“You two okay?” Emily asks.

Gina doesn’t see any point in answering that question. And she’s scared she’ll get too emotional if she tries.

“You can come back now,” Gina repeats.

When Gina re-enters the room, Nini stands from her desk.

“Gina, we need to talk. I’m—”

“Time for lights out,” Gina says, interrupting her.

Gina climbs into her own bunk without another word. Once the lights are out, Gina feels tears stinging her eyes. Why did she say those things? Loving Nini, having Nini’s love is literally the best thing in her life. And Gina ruined it. Over what? Because Nini said something about her mom that Gina disagrees with?

And honestly, Gina doesn’t even know if she disagrees. Objectively, Nini had a point. What Gina’s mom told her about her sexuality, and how to handle it was unhealthy, and not at all supportive. Regardless of her intentions.

Gina wishes she could take back her reaction. Unsay the things she said. But she knows she can’t. So the next morning, she wakes before Emily or Nini and leaves the room to start her day. She can accept that Nini probably hates her now. It hurts, but she can accept it. But she’s not ready to see it, so Gina makes a point to avoid Nini for as long as possible.

She knows Nini’s schedule, so it’s pretty easy to avoid her during the day. The only time they’re in the same room is for lunch and dinner, and Gina makes sure to sit as far away from Nini as she can when they eat.

Gina also volunteers to sit in the guard booth during study hours. Her company is responsible for nightly guard duty all week, and while that’s a task that normally falls to a plebe male cadet, the company’s firsties aren’t going to argue with a volunteer. And sitting guard allows her to be out of the room until after Nini is asleep every night.

She makes it three whole days without having to interact with Nini at all.

But on the fourth night, when she returns from guard duty, after lights out, Gina stumbles in the dark to her bunk to find Nini there waiting for her. Gina can just make her out with the moonlight filtering in through the room’s window.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” Nini whispers.

“Oh,” Gina says, a little startled. “Have I been?”

“Gina, seriously. Tell me. Are you still mad at me?” Nini asks.

“Mad at you ?” Gina asks, surprised. She got over her anger pretty quickly. She just knows Nini is still mad at her . “No, I just—after our fight, I couldn’t deal with you hating me. And I know we were friends before we were together, but I said some awful things to you. And even if you are able to forgive me one day, I don’t think I could go back to just being your friend. So I was trying to make things less awkward.”

“Wait, you want to go back to being friends? What are you talking about?”

“No, I don’t want to be just friends. But I thought you probably wouldn’t even want to be friends with me anymore. Much less more. You know, because we fought,” Gina says.

“And?” Nini asks.

“And, happy couples don’t fight. If you fight, that means things are over,” Gina says.

“What? Is that what you think?” Nini asks. “Do you want things to be over between us?”

“No!” Gina says, a little too loud for after-lights-out time. “No,” she says quieter. “I don’t want that at all, but that’s how it works, right?”

“No! Why would you think that? Who told you that?”

Silence hangs between them for a moment.

“Oh my god, your mom?” Nini asks. Gina looks down and nods. “Okay. Okay, I’m not going to say anything, because that’s what started the fight in the first place. But maybe, I don’t know, maybe don’t lean on the things she taught you about relationships? Or about being a queer woman?”

Gina feels embarrassed. “You’re right. She taught me so many important things about how to work hard, and how to achieve my goals. But maybe she doesn’t know everything. She’s a really great mom, though,” she says.

“I’m sure she is!” Nini replies. “She raised my favorite person, so she had to do something right.”

“I’m still your favorite person?” Gina asks.

“Of course you are!” Nini answers.

“And you don’t hate me?”

“I don’t hate you,” Nini says.

“Do you,” Gina starts and swallows. She’s scared of the answer, but she has to know. “Do you still love me?”

Nini takes Gina’s hand. “Of course I still love you, Gi. You’re my person. A little fight isn’t going to change that. Sometimes couples fight. And I’m sorry, by the way. I was insensitive in the way I criticized your mom. I get really defensive whenever I hear something I think is homophobic. For obvious reasons. And I especially get defensive when it comes to you. But that’s no excuse, and I shouldn’t have lashed out at your mom. She’s still your mom, even if I disagree with her.”

Gina feels like a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders.

“Do your moms ever fight?” Gina asks. Carol and Dana are the best couple Gina knows. So if they fight sometimes, it will somehow validate what Nini said about how all couples fight sometimes.

“Oh,” Nini says, waving a hand dismissively. “All the time. I’ll tell you about the great sock fight of 1998 one day. It involved Mama D dumping a basket of unmatched socks on Mama C’s head.”

“What?” Gina asks.

“Another time,” Nini says. “But I promise you, Gina, there’s nothing we can’t get through together. So just talk to me. If I make you mad, and I know I will sometimes, just let me know why. And if you make me mad, I promise I’ll tell you.”

“Deal,” Gina says. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” Nini says, leaning in to kiss Gina. Gina leans in to meet her.

A knock on the wall pulls them away from each other.

“Hey, quiet in there! It’s after lights out!” shouts a voice from the other side of the wall.

Nini and Gina both laugh, and tell one another goodnight, before lying down in their own bunks.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Gina is surprised when Nini doesn’t argue with her about staying in New York for Thanksgiving, and working at the food kitchen again. Maybe surprised isn’t the right word? She doesn’t know how to feel about it, honestly. She expected a fight. She had a whole argument prepared about how good it felt to do good, and how the service hours look good on her resume, and how it’s only a few days, and they can talk on the phone every night.

But instead, when she tells Nini she’s staying, Nini says, “That’s great, Gi. I know how much you enjoyed it last year.”

Gina wonders if she should feel good that their relationship is on such stable ground that Nini feels comfortable being apart from her for a few days? Should she feel worried that Nini didn’t fight her on it at all? Is Nini getting bored of her?

But she doesn’t bring any of that up. She accepts Nini’s acceptance that she’s staying. Because if it’s something bad, Gina would rather not know just yet.

Things do get kind of weird after that, though. Like, Emily lays out her complete Thanksgiving itinerary. When she’s flying out, when she’s getting to California, what she’ll be doing with Maddox. But when Emily asks Nini what she’s doing, Nini says, “I’m not sure yet. Waiting until the last minute to plan everything, I guess.”

It’s all so not-Nini, Gina is actually concerned.

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, Emily leaves early in the morning for her flight, leaving Gina and Nini alone in the room. And after spending a couple of hours enjoying being alone in the room together, the couple lie beside one another in Gina’s bunk. Gina decides she has to know.

“So when is your flight? You haven’t said anything about your plans, and that’s just not like you,” Gina says.

“Yeah, so about that,” Nini says. “I’m not going.”

“You’re not going?” Gina asks.

“Nope. You told me about how much working in that kitchen meant to you last year, so I was excited you were going to do it again. And, I talked to Paige—”

“Olvera?” Gina asks. That’s one of the cadets Gina worked the kitchen with last year.

“Yep,” Nini says. “So I talked to her and got the details, and I signed up for it, too,” Nini says.

“You what?” Gina says. “You’re coming to volunteer with me?”

“Surprise!” Nini says. “Like I said, I know how much it meant to you last year, and I want to share that with you. But, I mean, I don’t want to step on your toes, either, so if you don’t want me to…”

“No!” Gina says. “That’s amazing!”

She hugs Nini close to her, and kisses the top of her head.

“Well that’s a relief,” Nini says, pushing back from Gina just a bit and smiling at her. “And, I know you were planning on staying in the city tomorrow night, and you have a room to yourself, but I hope you won’t mind me staying with you?”

“What? Of course you’re staying with me,” Gina says.

“Great!” Nini says smiling. “And then, I booked a room for Friday night and Saturday night, so I figured we could do the city together for a few days. Might be fun.”

“That will be so much fun!” Gina says.

“Plus, maybe if you take me with you, you won’t buy any embarrassing gifts on Black Friday,” Nini says.

“Hey! You liked my gift,” Gina says.

“I did,” Nini says, laughing. “It’s still a funny story. Maybe we’ll tell our kids about it one day.”

“Kids?” Gina asks, and yeah, she’s surprised to hear Nini say that .

“Don’t freak out,” Nini says, “but, yeah. I’ve thought about raising children with you. I mean, if we’re ever able to publicly be together? Maybe get married legally? And I know that it’s possible those things will never happen. But you make me think about forever.”

Gina knows she should be freaking out. But she’s not? Because when she looks at Nini, she kind of thinks about forever, too. They compliment each other so well. Where Gina is tough, Nini is understanding. Where Nini is a dreamer, Gina is practical. Where Gina is cynical, Nini is trusting. But beyond all of that, they care about and love each other in the best ways they know how. It’s why they work as a couple. It’s why forever sounds so enticing.

“I’m not freaked out,” Gina says. “I don’t know if we’ll ever get there. But I hope we do.”

Nini kisses Gina’s cheek. And Gina feels somehow even more in love with her girlfriend.

“Were Carol and Dana okay with you missing Thanksgiving?” Gina asks, changing the subject.

“Yeah, they were cool with it. I told them how much this meant to you, and how I wanted to be there with you, and they totally understood,” Nini says. “But they are very adamant that we both have to be there for Christmas.”

“Oh, of course. I wouldn’t miss it,” Gina says.

“Really?” Nini asks. “I mean, I know your mom should be back from deployment, so if you want to go see her, I would totally understand. My moms will, too.”

“I don’t want to make any plans around going to see her,” Gina says. “She should be back from deployment by December, but it’s no guarantee. Even if she is back, she may be too busy to do Christmas. And she sent me a letter in October and told me she would come to West Point to visit when she can. I can wait until then.”

“Don’t you miss her?” Nini asks.

“Oh, so much,” Gina says. “I miss her all the time. But, I kind of want to go home for Christmas.”

It takes Nini a moment to process what Gina said. When she understands, her eyes light up.

“You think of Salt Lake as home now?” Nini asks.

“Well, I think of your house, and your family as home. But more than anything, you’re my home, Nini,” Gina says.

Her cheeks heat at that admission. But it’s true. And besides, Nini was talking about having children together just moments ago, so telling Nini that she’s Gina’s home isn’t that extreme, Gina reasons.

Nini props herself up on an elbow, and looks down at Gina. Tears start to well in her eyes.

“Babe,” Nini croaks out. “You—you mean everything to me. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” Gina says, pulling Nini down on top of herself, for another kiss.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Christmas as the Salazar-Roberts house is just as wonderful the second time around, Gina finds. In fact, in many ways, it’s even better than last year, because Gina doesn’t spend the first week trying to hide her feelings for Nini, terrified of those feelings being discovered. Instead, she is able to relax, and enjoy the holiday.

Their third night in Salt Lake, Gina and Nini get dinner with Kourtney. Although dinner turns out to be ordering a bunch of appetizers at Cheesecake Factory, and Kourtney filling Nini in on everything that’s gone on in their social circle.

“So Seb and Carlos couldn’t make long distance work?” Nini asks.

“No. And they both swear that they’re fine with it, and they’re still going to be friends, but I saw them both on Black Wednesday—”

“Black Wednesday?” Gina asks. That’s a new one.

“Yeah, it’s when all the college students come back home for Thanksgiving break, and get blackout drunk the first night,” Kourtney explains.

“You would know that if you ever left campus for Thanksgiving,” Nini teases, pushing her shoulder against Gina’s.

“Hey! I think we had a nice Thanksgiving. We did a good deed, got service hours, and got to enjoy New York City for a few nights,” Gina says.

“That’s true,” Nini says. “No complaints.”

“Anyway,” Kourtney continues. “I saw them at a Black Wednesday party, and they can’t be in the same room as one another.”

“That sucks,” Nini says. “I really liked them together.”

“Part of growing up,” Kourtney says, shrugging. “And growing apart.”

“Speaking of growing apart, I’m sad you and Jet broke up,” Nini says. “I thought you two were really cute together.”

“We were,” Kourtney says. “But I’m too young and beautiful to be tied down to one person. We still talk, though. It was an amicable split.”

“Is there really any such thing as an amicable split?” Gina asks.

“There is with me,” Kourtney says. “I’m still friends with all of my exes. Take your girlfriend, for instance.”

Gina nods. “I guess so,” she says. “I don’t think I could be friends with someone who I used to be in a relationship with, though.”

“Luckily for you, you won’t have that problem,” Nini says. “You’re stuck with me forever.”

“I’m okay with that,” Gina says, turning to smile at Nini. Nini smiles back.

“Okay, I gotta pee,” Nini says, climbing out of the booth, and kissing Gina’s cheek before she goes.

“You two are nauseating,” Kourtney says after Nini has walked away. “But in the best way.”

“Yeah,” Gina admits. “I would be annoyed by us if I wasn’t a part of us.”

“I’m a little surprised,” Kourtney says.

“What do you mean?” Gina asks.

Kourtney takes a deep breath. “Don’t get me wrong. Nini always liked the idea of romance and love and all that. But she was always scared of it. She didn’t say she was scared, but she was only interested in people she knew were unavailable, or temporary. Like me. And all the straight girls she would kiss at parties and stuff. But if someone was ever genuinely into her, she wouldn’t do anything about it.”

“Really? That doesn’t sound like my Nini,” Gina says. Nini told her how no one ever chose her. How no one liked her for her, until Gina. But Gina never thought that seemed possible. How could someone not love Nini?

“But it was. It was absolutely her,” Kourtney says. “EJ has a cousin, Ashlyn. She’s a year younger than us, but she had it bad for Nini. For years. Honestly that’s one of the reasons why I broke up with Nini when I did, because I thought she could date Ashlyn, and they could be happy together.”

“But Nini wasn’t into her?” Gina asks.

“I don’t know. I just—it’s almost like Nini didn’t trust that someone could actually like her like that, so when I told Nini to ask Ashlyn out, she wouldn’t do it. Said she didn’t think she was Ashlyn’s type, or something,” Kourtney says.

“That sucks,” Gina says. “But I’m kind of glad Nini didn’t have a girlfriend when I met her.”

“I’m glad, too. Would have made all the gay stuff you and I do way more awkward when I had to tell her about it” Nini says. Gina didn’t even hear her walk back up to the table.

“Hey babe,” Gina says, as Nini slides back into the booth. “Kourtney was telling me about a girl who had a crush on you in high school.”

Nini rolls her eyes. “Ashlyn did not have a crush on me, Kourtney.”

“Water under the bridge now,” Kourtney says. Then pauses for a moment. “But she did.”

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Nini’s extended family comes for Christmas again, and Gina is not nearly as overwhelmed this time around. She enjoys the joyous chaos. She especially enjoys Nini’s Ate Laylay. Laylay is really funny. And super gay. Which is cool. Getting to know other queer people is quickly becoming one of Gina’s favorite pastimes.

Before lunch begins, Gina steals away to Nini’s bedroom to call her mother.

“Hello,” Terri Porter answers.

“Mom, Merry Christmas,” Gina says.

“Merry Christmas, baby,” Terri says. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get away to visit.”

“It’s okay,” Gina says. “I’m having fun in Salt Lake.”

“With your friend Nina,” Terri says.

“ Nini ,” Gina corrects. “And yeah. I always have fun with her.”

“You two are very close,” Terri says.

Not this again. The few conversations she’s had with her mom the past couple of months always include an interrogation about Nini. And Gina always answers the same way.

“She’s my best friend, mom.”

Because Gina is not ready to come out to her mom yet. Maybe not ever. If she can figure out a way to be with Nini forever without her mom ever knowing.

“Right, best friend,” Terri says. “I know I’m annoying you asking about her. I just don’t want it to turn into another situation like you had in Germany.”

“Situation” is a really polite way to describe what happened. When she was 15, Gina had a crush on a girl named Val while her mom was stationed in Germany. Gina and Val became friends, and Val made it clear that she was open to being more than friends. And Gina liked that idea. Then one day, Gina’s mom walked in just as Gina was about to get her first kiss from Val. Val ran out of the house, and never talked to Gina again. Gina’s mom yelled at her for hours. And grounded her. Made it clear that it was not okay to kiss girls. So yeah, definitely not coming out to her mom.

“It’s not like Germany, mom,” Gina says. And it’s not. She’s actually kissed Nini. Thousands of times, in fact. “I thought you’d be happy I had a friend, though.”

“I am, baby,” Terri says. “I am. I just—you know I worry about you. If it was that other thing, you know what would happen. And I don’t want to see you get in trouble.”

“I know, mom,” Gina says. And Gina does know. She’s aware how dangerous it is. She doesn’t need her mom reminding her. It’s just, with Nini, it’s hard to care about the consequences.

“I know you do, Gina,” Terri says. “But I’m still your mother, and I still worry about you. Even if you’re all grown up now.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, mom,” Gina says. But it does feel good that her mother still worries about her.

“But I always will,” Terri says.

“I know,” Gina says. “Anyway, lunch is being served soon. So I’ll let you get back to work. Merry Christmas mom.”

“Merry Christmas, baby. I love you,” Terri says.

“Love you, too,” Gina says, and ends the call.

Chapter Text

She should have seen it coming. Gina knows she should have seen it coming. It’s been months, almost a year since Evans has fucked with her. So she should have been on high alert. But she wasn’t. She let her guard down.

Soft.

And part of Gina–the part of her that doesn’t want to drown Lily fucking Evans in Crandall Pool–is even impressed by the plan, and the patience it took to pull it off.

The trap was meticulously set. The plan was flawlessly executed. And now Gina has a Captain yelling in her face.

“Porter, do you want to tell me why you instructed a plebe from another company to directly disobey their team leader?” Captain Woodcomb yells.

“I didn’t sir,” Gina answers.

“So Evans and McMichael were lying?” Captain Woodcomb asks.

So, here’s the thing, they didn't lie. But it’s not a simple yes/no answer.

McMichael is a plebe on the cycling team with Gina. Gina has known all along that McMichael is in the same company as Evans. But she had no idea that Evans was McMichael’s team lead. Every cadet in their yearling year is responsible for a plebe as their “team lead” so obviously Evans has a plebe she’s responsible for. But McMichael never said anything. She has always seemed cool with Gina.

Since she joined the cycling team, Gina has been giving advice to McMichael when asked. Gina thought nothing of it. When she was a plebe, the older cadets were all really nice and helpful to her. Giving her tricks and tips to make it through West Point. Letting her know how to handle certain instructors. Telling her about how to go about choosing her leadership assignment when she’s in her cow year. So Gina wanted to pay it forward, and help the plebe who joined the team.

One of the tips Gina passed on was, “You told her not to walk next to the wall when no one is watching?” Captain Woodcomb yells.

“No sir,” Gina says. “I told her that when she’s walking outside the Library, when we’re having a warm week, leave some space between her and the wall because icicles can fall and hit her.”

“So you told her not to walk beside the wall, as is required of all plebes,” Capital Woodcomb says.

Well shit. It’s technically true. But it was good advice! Someone got hit by an icicle last year!

“And you told her how to cheat on an exam?” Captain Woodcomb asks.

Okay, so that one is kind of true? But also not. Gina took Dr. Johns’ class as a plebe. Dr. Johns is a civilian, which some instructors are. But Dr. Johns tells everyone the first day of class (and Gina confirmed this with others who took his class) that he’s really into puzzles and secret messages. He makes it a point to say that in his introduction. And when it comes time for the final exam, he hides the answers to every question in the way the questions are worded. You just have to figure out the cipher he uses. And a lot of the questions aren’t even in the course work, so if you don’t solve the puzzle, there’s no way to get every answer correct.

So Gina told McMichael to study up on secret codes and ciphers, and that Dr. Johns typically prefers World War II era ciphers, instead of studying the material. And McMichael aced the exam! So it was good advice!

“I didn’t tell her how to cheat. I didn’t give her the answers or anything, sir,” Gina says.

“You gave her an unfair advantage, and that’s the same as cheating, Porter,” Captain Woodcomb says. “I’m just glad Evans figured out what was going on, and reported it. Very observant of her.”

Gina has to school her features to not show her anger. That’s not going to help her. But under her mask, she’s a ball of rage. Absolutely seething that Evans beat her. Again. Tricked her. Again. Took advantage of Gina’s kindness. Again.

But all she can actually say is, “I understand, sir.”

“You have an excellent record, Porter. Why would you risk it just to help a plebe beat the system?” The captain seems to consider something for a moment. “You don’t have anything going on with McMichael that I can’t ask you about, do you?”

Gina almost wants to laugh at the clumsy attempt to get around the “don’t ask” part of the rule. She doesn’t think Captain Woodcomb cleared himself at all by wording it that way. But she also knows she’s in no position to correct him. First, because she’s being dressed down by a superior officer at the moment, and telling him he’s wrong is not going to help her in any way. And then there’s the part where she absolutely is in a relationship that he can’t ask about and she can’t tell him about.

But not with McMichael! Jesus Christ.

“No sir,” Gina says.

“I didn’t think so. Shit, look Porter, I don’t want to ruin your academic career or anything, so this is what we’re going to do. You’re going to stop telling plebes to do things they shouldn’t do, and as a punishment, we have a group going out for highway duty. You’re going to join the group, but you’re not going to get the time for your service hours,” Captain Woodcomb says.

Highway duty is exactly what it sounds like. Putting on orange vests, and picking up garbage on the road outside of campus in an orange vest. Typically people volunteer if they need a few service hours to hit their yearly requirement. It’s degrading, but compared to what could have happened to her if she was involved in a “cheating” scandal, or god forbid if she had tipped her hand that she actually is in a relationship with another woman, it’s not so bad.

Three hours later, as she’s walking back to her barracks, Gina is tired. Still pissed off that she fell for Evans’ trap. And really just ready to put it all behind her. So of course, the last person  she wants to see is waiting on a bench for Gina to walk past.

“You look like you’ve had a long day,” Evans says with mock sympathy, before taking a sip from the styrofoam cup she’s holding.

Gina narrows her eyes at Evans. She knows she should just keep walking. Ignore her nemesis. But she is tired. And Angry. And she doesn’t have the will to ignore her.

“What the fuck do you want, Evans?” Gina asks.

“I’m just making sure you’re okay,” Evans says.

“Fine, gloat. But know this—”

“I don’t have to know anything,” Evans says, interrupting. “I won, Gina. I always win. You just make it so easy. Hanging out with that loser Salazar has made you soft.”

Gina was totally prepared to let this little confrontation slide off her back. She knows Evans isn’t worth it. Sometimes she has to appeal to her better angels (or angel, aka Nini) to remind her that Evans isn’t worth it. But she’s not going to sit idly by and listen to Evans trash Nini.

“It’s Salazar-Roberts, and keep her fucking name out of your mouth,” Gina says, low, threateningly.

“Or what?” Evans asks. “You know about her, right? How she’s a dirty lezzy, just like her lezzy moms?”

Gina says nothing, just glares at Evans.

“Oh you do know, huh?” A smirk blooms on Evans’ face. “You know all too well, maybe. Oh no, she hasn’t made you gay now, too? Has she? Has Salazar rubbed off on you? Or do you just want her to rub off on you?”

Gina balls her fists at her side. She’ll get in trouble, she knows it. She may get kicked out of school. Arrested even. But in the moment, she doesn’t care about any of that. She’ll live with the consequences. She wants to fight Evans. As much as she’s ever wanted anything.

Gina takes a step forward as she pulls her fist back. But just then, there’s a shout from across the courtyard.

“Hey, you two, it’s study hours. You need to be in your room!”

It’s a faculty member. It’s too dark to make out their rank insignia, but that doesn’t matter. They’re an authority.

“Yes sir,” both Gina and Evans reply.

Gina turns to walk towards her barracks, but before she can, Evans has one last parting shot. Gina feels rather than sees the cup Evans had been drinking from explode against her leg.

“Since you were already picking up garbage today, maybe pick that up, too,” Evans says, and walks away.

Gina stomps back to her room, completely prepared to vent all of her frustrations to Nini. But when she opens the door, and Nini, sitting at her desk, smiles up at her from behind a book, she just can’t.

It’s embarrassing that Gina let Evans beat her again. And she doesn’t want Nini to hear the things Evans said about her. About them . And, honestly, Gina just doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. So when Nini asks where she’s been, she just says, “Went to log some service hours doing highway duty.”

It’s such a lie. She did highway duty, but it wasn’t voluntary. And she didn’t get service hours.

“Oh, you should have told me! I would’ve come with,” Nini says.

Gina waves a hand. “It’s fine. Last minute decision. It was a nice day, and I saw them putting the group together, so I just went with it.”

She’s lying so easily. And she knows she shouldn’t. She knows Nini values honesty above everything else. And Gina feels awful about that. But not awful enough to come clean.

Gina strips out of her soiled uniform and stuffs it in her footlocker, before sliding on a pair of PTs.

“I’m tired. Going to lie down,” she announces.

“Hey, I’ll come lie with you,” Nini says.

Nini climbs into bed beside Gina and snuggles into her side. And it feels so good to have the love of her life’s arm draped across her. To feel Nini’s breath tickling her neck. It feels almost good enough to ignore the guilt she feels for lying.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Nini surprises Gina with a trip to Cabo for Spring Break. Well, the announcement is a surprise, even if it happens a month before Spring Break, because they’re both active duty technically, so they have to report that they’ll be out of the country. But it’s still a nice surprise when Gina learns about the trip.

Nini’s tita has a timeshare on a seaside villa in Cabo, and gifts it to Nini for the week of Spring Break.

Gina and Nini fly out as quickly as they can the Friday their break starts.

When they arrive in Mexico, they grab a cab to the villa. As soon as the car pulls up outside the villa, Gina realizes their accommodations are not what she expected. She expected a sturdy but quaint shack by a beach. In reality, the villa is not that. It’s by the beach, but it’s far more opulent than anything she thought she’d see.

“Nini, this place is amazing,” Gina says. “It’s so big! And nice!”

“Yeah, it’s a villa,” Nini says. “I didn’t say I was taking you to a shanty or something.”

“I would have been fine with a shanty,” Gina says.

“Yeah?” Nini asks.

“I’m on vacation with you! I would have slept on the beach,” Gina says.

“We have a staff here,” Nini says. “They will serve us all of our meals, which we can take on our private balcony overlooking the ocean.”

“Okay, that’s better,” Gina says.

“And we have a private pool. And a private hot tub,” Nini says.

“Way better,” Gina says.

“So would you be open to naked hot tubbing with me?” Nini asks cheekily.

Gina blushes. But it’s vacation. What the hell?  “I mean, why not? As long as the staff isn’t around for that?”

Nini beams. Did she expect Gina would say no? “I will literally tell them to leave the country if I have to. This is going to be the best vacation ever!”

It does turn out to be a really awesome vacation. Gina and Nini take their breakfasts and dinners on their balcony. They have picnics on their private slice of beach. They enjoy one another without having to look over their shoulder for other cadets or military personnel. And without having to worry about Nini’s moms walking in on them. It’s so romantic. And perfect.

The week goes by far too quickly. They fly back to New York the second Saturday of the break. They have a four hour layover at LAX, and Gina and Nini walk through the airport killing time. They hold hands as they walk, neither ready for their romantic getaway to be over.

Nini lets Gina’s hand go and steps into a bathroom. Gina looks away to take in her surroundings, and just as her eyes pass over a familiar head of blonde hair on the other side of the terminal, she sees the owner of that head of hair meet her eyes.

Lily Evans.

Fuck. Did Evans see her and Nini holding hands? No way, right? Because Evans looks just as surprised to see Gina as Gina is to see her. She’s safe. Nini’s safe. They have to be.

But Gina knows she can’t display any panic in her expression, or Evans will know something is up. So Gina does what she normally does when she sees Evans. She glares. Evans glares back.

“Hey babe, I—”

“Shhh,” Gina says. She has to stop Nini before she tries to hold her hand again. Or kiss her cheek. Or any of the little affectionate gestures that normally make Gina melt. “It’s Evans.”

Nini’s eyes go wide with panic and recognition.

“Look natural. But not like we’re together,” Gina whispers, her eyes not leaving Evans’ stare.

Nini busies herself looking through her backpack. It’s a good move, Gina realizes, so Nini doesn’t have to look at Evans. Nini isn’t nearly as skilled at hiding how she feels.

“Now boarding active military personnel for flight 76 to LaGuardia.”

Evans turns and looks at the gate where the announcement was made, before turning back to smirk at Gina. The smirk only lasts a moment, and Evans is turning to walk towards her gate.

Small miracles. Thank god they’re not on the same flight.

Once Evans has disappeared down the jet bridge, Gina turns back to Nini.

“She’s gone,” Gina says.

“Do you think she saw us holding hands?” Nini asks. She sounds so worried. Gina just wants to make that worry go away.

“I don’t think so,” Gina says. And she’s pretty sure that’s true. “She would have looked way more smug if she saw something.”

“Good,” Nini says. “That was too close. Way too close.”

The next two weeks feel like a particularly cruel type of torture. Gina’s senses are on high alert. She’s looking over her shoulder twice as hard any time she’s in the same room as Nini. And she knows she acts a little cold towards Nini. Nini knows, too, and eventually calls her out.

“Hey, what’s been going on with you?” Nini asks her one night during study hours. Nini asked her to come lie in bed with her and cuddle, but Gina declined. She’s been declining a lot since they returned from Spring Break.

“Just stressed,” Gina says, not getting up from her desk.

Nini walks over, and pulls her own desk chair over to sit beside Gina. She takes Gina’s hand, and Gina lets her, but she does flinch a little at first.

“Seriously Gina, why are you so jumpy? Is this about seeing Lily Evans in the airport?” Nini asks.

Gina sighs. She should have known Nini would figure it out. Even if Nini does not know the full extent of the worry. Because she doesn’t know that Evans suspects them of having a romantic connection. Because Gina never told Nini about her last run-in with Evans.

“Yeah, it is,” Gina says. “I’m waiting all day for military police to burst into our room and drag us out of school. Like, the more time passes, the more I’m waiting on the other shoe to drop, you know?”

Nini nods. She stays quiet for a moment as she looks down at their clasped hands. Then she looks back up at Gina. She looks so earnest. So determined.

“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Nini says. “You said you didn’t think Lily Evans caught us, and I think you were right. You wouldn’t have just told me that.”

And that’s true. This time. But if Nini only knew, Gina has absolutely kept the truth from her before.

“And even if she did,” Nini says. “What’s the worst that can happen?”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Gina asks indignantly. “Well, she could tell someone. They could kick us out of school, and discharge us, dishonorably. Two whole years we’ve both spent working towards graduation. And all the time we spent being good enough to get into West Point, will be gone.”

“That’s all true,” Nini says. “I can’t deny any of that. But, like, what can we do about it? If Lily Evans actually saw something incriminating, then it’s already done. So why spend time worrying about it?”

“So you’re just not going to worry?” Gina asks.

Nini shrugs. “What good would it do? And anyway, if we’re so worried about what Lily Evans will do to us that our performance drops, or it just makes us miserable, then she wins. And I don’t want her to ever win again.”

“Me neither,” Gina says. She takes a deep cleansing breath. Fine. She’ll try to do what Nini said, and not worry about it anymore. “I’ll try not to worry about it.”

“Good,” Nini says. “Because I’ve missed snuggles with you”

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

The weekend before finals, Gina and Nini take leave from post and go into the city. Gina has taken Nini’s advice and tried not to worry about what Evans may or may not know, but she would be lying if she said she hasn’t been just a little more cautious. So it’s nice to have some time to relax completely.

“Relax” Gina finds out, though, is a relative term.

Nini wants to see a new show that’s just opened on Broadway in the past couple of months, Spamalot! But, as could be expected, tickets for such a popular new show are hard to come by. Nini has an idea, though. An idea Gina is not at all a fan of.

“Okay, so we show up about 45 minutes after the show starts,” Nini explains as they walk down the city street.

“45 minutes?” Gina asks.

“Yeah, the run-time for the show is about two hours, fifteen minutes,” Nini says. “And I’ve read that act one is shorter than act two.”

“What are we doing, Nini? What’s the plan here?” Gina asks, stopping in her tracks.

“Have you ever heard of second-acting?” Nini asks.

“I have not,” Gina says. It’s a brand new term, to her.

“Okay, so, after act one, there’s an intermission,” Nini says.

“Right,” Gina responds.

“And a bunch of people go outside to smoke. So when they go back inside for act two, we sneak in with the crowd, and find somewhere to watch the rest of the show in the back,” Nini says. “It’s a time honored tradition amongst young, broke college people.”

Gina resumes walking beside Nini, but she’s not at all sold on the idea. “Isn’t that illegal?” Gina asks.

“Yeah, but you’re also in a lesbian relationship while being an active duty soldier, so figured the rules wouldn’t mean that much to you,” Nini says.

“So are you!” Gina says.

“I am, and the rules don’t mean that much to me,” Nini says.

It’s a terrifying experience. But it works! And they get to see the second half of the play. Which Gina doesn’t particularly enjoy. But Nini seems to, so that makes it worth it.

On the whole it’s a really nice weekend. Right up to the point they return to post, and just as they’re walking through the gates, Gina gets a text from Emily.

Gina, there’s a Captain Terri Porter here to see you

Gina stops. Stares at her phone. She’s in shock, and she knows the shock shows on her face.

“What’s wrong?” Nini asks, stopping alongside her.

“My mom’s here,” Gina answers.

It’s been almost two years since Gina was in the same room as her mother. Gina only wishes their reunion could have waited a little longer. And that she had time to prepare. Prepare herself, and prepare Nini.

Gina introduces Nini to her mom. Her mom is of course polite, and Nini doesn't seem to notice just how thick the tension in the room is. It’s a cordial visit. On the surface at least, but Gina doesn’t trust just how nice her mom is being to her roommates. To Nini, in particular.

“Well it was nice to meet you, Nina,” Terri says. Which sounds polite, but Gina knows what she means by that is, how dare you make my daughter gay .

“You too, Captain Porter,” Nini says, shaking Terri’s hand.

“Genevieve, I’m sorry I don’t have more time to stay, but I wanted to stop to see you before I flew out again. Can you walk me to my car?” Terri says, turning to Gina.

“Yes, mom,” Gina says.

They walk in silence to the visitors parking lot. When they get to the car, before Gina can quickly side-hug her mom and walk away as quickly as possible, Terri says, “Get in.”

Gina sighs and climbs into the passenger’s seat of her mom’s rental car. It’s silent for a moment before her mom speaks.

“So are you going to keep denying it?” Terri says.

Gina doesn’t know what to say to that. So she says nothing.

“Good, at least you’re not lying anymore,” Terri says. “I can’t believe you would get involved in something like that. Genevieve, that girl couldn’t be more obvious about what she is to you. And I’ll bet you’re just as obvious when you’re not talking to me.”

Gina still remains quiet.

“I had to see it for myself. But I see it so clearly now. It’s just like Germany,” Terri says. “You need to end whatever that is immediately. Maybe talk to whoever you need to talk to, and change rooms. But you need to stay as far as you can away from that girl.”

Gina clenches her jaw. Her mom has always been everything to her. But now she has Nini. And she knows she can’t let her mom talk about Nini like that. And she shouldn’t have to put up with her mom not respecting Gina’s own sexuality. Nini made her see that.

“It’s nothing like Germany, mom,” Gina says.

“I thought we were passed the denial, Genevieve,” Terri says.

But Gina continues unencumbered. “It’s nothing like Germany. I had a crush on a girl in Germany. But I’m in love with Nini. She’s the love of my life, mom. I would do anything for her. I would give up anything for her.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Terri quickly responds. “You’re young, and irresponsible, and—”

“I’m the most responsible 20 year old in the world, mom! I’m just also a lesbian. And I’m in love with my roommate, who is the best person I have ever met. I hope you’ll support me. I really do, but I’m going to keep dating her no matter what you say,” Gina explodes.

“I could have you both dishonorably discharged,” Terri says.

She doesn’t know where it comes from, but a calm settles over Gina. Maybe it’s like Nini said about Evans. You can’t control what someone else will do, so why worry about it.

“Then do it,” Gina says coldly. “But everyone is going to know I’m your daughter. So how will that look for you?”

She should feel some type of fear, calling her mother’s bluff. The stakes are too high. And she knows her mother doesn’t bluff. But Gina’s not scared at all.

No words pass for what seems like an eternity. Gina staring at her mom defiantly. Her mom staring back, disapproval so clear on her face. Finally, Terri softens a bit, and breaks the silence.

“You’re just as stubborn as me,” Terri says. She sighs. “I can’t support your decision, Gina. But I love you no matter what. And I’m not going to do anything to hurt your career.”

“I love you, too, mom. And I hope you’ll change your mind one day. Because this isn’t going away. This is who I am,” Gina says.

Gina’s mom looks at her, head tilted in consideration. “I really think you believe that,” Terri says.

“I know it,” Gina says.

Terri shakes her head then and laughs a little. “Well in any case, good luck on your exams.”

“I don’t need luck, because I prepared,” Gina answers, almost automatically. Her mom always told her growing up, luck is a word people use when they’re not prepared.

Terri nods approvingly then. “That’s my daughter. I love you, Gina.”

“Love you, too mom,” Gina says, getting out of the car and shutting the door.

Gina stands and watches as her mom drives away. It doesn’t escape her that her mom promised to protect Gina’s career, but made no such promise of Nini’s career. And that is just a little troubling.

When Gina returns to the room, however, and Nini talks about how nice Gina’s mom was, Gina doesn’t have the heart to tell Nini that her mom is now a major threat to Nini. Instead, she just says, “I’m glad you two got along.”

Gina knows the lies by omission are starting to pile up. She only hopes they never come back to bite her. Or to bite Nini.

Chapter Text

Six weeks in Salt Lake City for the summer goes by all too quickly. It always does. If the previous summer was about Nini expanding Gina’s queer horizons, this summer is more about spending time together. They have barbecues with Nini’s moms, they hang out with Nini’s friends, they go on hikes, they go on movie dates. They generally relax and enjoy being young and in love. And Gina loves it.

A few days before their break ends, Gina and Nini lie together in Nini’s bed and recount their favorite moments from their time away from school.

“ Mr. and Mrs. Smith was a good movie,” Gina says. “Favorite movie we watched the whole summer.”

“You just think Angelina Jolie is hot,” Nini says.

“So do you!” Gina responds.

“Well, I didn’t say you were wrong, or that I disagreed. I was just making an observation,” Nini says.

“Fine. But for the record, I think you’re hotter,” Gina says, leaning over to peck Nini’s lips.

“That’s not true, but I appreciate it,” Nini says. “And I appreciate it coming from my girlfriend, who actually is hotter than Angelina Jolie.”

“Hey, no putting down my girlfriend to hype yours up,” Gina says.

“Okay, okay, well, my favorite movie we saw was when we went to that old theater to see Roman Holiday,” Nini says, changing the subject.

“Right, but I was talking about new movies,” Gina says.

“Did you like Roman Holiday more than Mr. and Mrs. Smith ?” Nini asks.

“No, but it was good,” Gina says.

“Okay, song of the summer?” Nini asks.

They both answer in unison, “Pon de Replay!”

“I love that song!” Gina says. “It just makes me want to dance.”

“And it just makes me want to watch you dance,” Nini says. “I think we learned our lesson about me trying to dance with you.”

“I loved your dancing!” Gina says.

“I look so dorky dancing,” Nini whines.

“I know, it’s very cute,” Gina says.

“Well,” Nini says, “I think it’s very cute when you kiss me. So, can we make that happen?”

Gina makes it happen.

When it’s time to go back to school, Gina and Nini’s company is assigned to oversee cadet field training. Firsties that are not away on leadership assignments are in charge of implementing both basic and field training, with each company assigned to one or the other. Cadets going into their cow year—like Gina and Nini—are there to assist with the training.

“I’m glad we got field training, and not basic,” Nini confides in Gina one night.

“Why’s that?” Gina asks.

They’re alone, picking up cadet laundry from campus. A task neither Gina nor Nini mind, as it gives them time together away from the group.

Nini focuses on folding a shirt, and sighs before answering. “I just—with basic, there’s so much yelling and leading by intimidation. I don’t think I could do that.”

“You could,” Gina says. After all, she’s learned not to doubt anything about Nini. “But I think you’re better when you don’t.”

“What do you mean?” Nini asks.

“You lead people in the best way,” Gina says. “You lead with respect. And no one questions your authority, they follow you because they respect you, too. I don’t know. I think that’s better than just scaring people into doing what you want, don’t you?”

“I do,” Nini says. “But I didn’t expect you to agree.”

Gina puts the pair of shorts she’s holding down to look directly at Nini. “I didn’t used to. But you made me see that your way works. And, like, when you correct someone, and then turn your back, those under your leadership don't immediately relax and go back to doing things the wrong way. You lift people up instead of tearing them down. You actually make people better.”

“I don’t know about that ,” Nini says.

“I do. You made me better, too,” Gina says.

“That part’s true, you used to suck,” Nini deadpans.

Gina’s jaw drops open. She sees the corner of Nini’s mouth lift in amusement, and decides the only recourse she has available is to tackle Nini to the ground and kiss her on the mouth. So she does.

When field training is complete, and all cadets return to post, those entering their cow year must sign their first contract with the Army. This is a commitment to serve four years of active duty, and two years of reserve duty, at a minimum, upon graduation.

Up until the contract is signed, a cadet can transfer to another university like any other college student, and not owe the military any service. And Gina realizes it’s the last chance for Nini to get out, and avoid any of the dangers imposed by people who would out her. Like Evans. Possibly even like Gina’s mom.

And Gina wants so badly to pull Nini aside, and tell her not to sign the contract. To tell her to run as fast as she can, so she can live life the way she’s supposed to. And part of Gina wants to run with her. But she knows she won’t run. And she also knows that, if she tells Nini why Nini should run, Nini won’t go, either. But she will almost assuredly dump Gina, because of all the secrets Gina has been keeping.

So Gina keeps her mouth shut and watches as Nini signs her contract. Gina feels so selfish for not stopping her. She feels so relieved Nini will still be around.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

In late September, the air is starting to cool. Not autumnal yet, but much more pleasant than the grueling humidity of August and early September along the banks of the Hudson. Gina is enjoying the weather between classes one day when something catches her eye.

She sees the confrontation begin across the quad. Evans is in Nini’s face, saying something. And then Nini is saying something back. And then Evans says something else. And it’s all Gina can do not to sprint over to intercede. But she manages to keep her pace at a somewhat normal level as she walks over.

When Gina reaches the spot where Evans has confronted Nini, Nini looks annoyed. Not unspeakably angry, and not scared. Which she takes as a somewhat positive sign. The first words she hears clearly come from Nini.

“I’m going to stop you right there,” Nini says. “Whatever my roommate and best friend has told me is between her and me. It’s really none of your business.”

Gina hasn’t spent a lot of time studying queer culture, but she knows enough to know that “best friend and roommate” is almost a laughably cliche term for Nini to use when describing Gina to a homophobe like Evans. Unfortunately Evans seems to realize that, too.

“You can call her your best friend, roommate, special friend, I don’t care, I know what you lesbos—”

The sentence isn’t even out of Evans’ mouth, and Gina feels her body surging forward, as if by its own volition. Gina’s hands are almost on Evans, and Evans is cowering away when Gina feels another set of hands pulling her back.

Gina looks back and sees Nini holding her. Nini’s eyes are wide, and she’s clearly in a panic to stop Gina from doing anything too severe. Gina tries to pull away. Tries to get to Evans. But Nini holds her firmly.

“Don’t!” Nini says. “She’s not worth it. I got this, ba—”

Nini’s eyes go impossibly wider as she cuts herself off. Gina caught it. She almost called her “babe” in front of Evans. Gina’s anger is quickly replaced by fear. Do “just friends” call one another babe? Maybe? But Gina is sure Evans has never heard Nini call her that before. And Gina is also sure the way Nini pulled it back and reacted eliminated any plausible deniability.

Hesitantly, Gina looks back at Evans, who is eying them both warily. Backing away. Not smirking, as Gina would expect. Did Evans’ fear of Gina blind her to what happened? Can Gina even hope that to be the case?

Gina and Nini retreat to their barracks as fast as possible (without running) to regroup. They’re both breathing hard by the time they get to the room and close the door. Gina sits on her bunk, but Nini paces back and forth in front of Gina.

“What the fuck? ” Nini says. “You were going to hit her!” Nini says, looking at Gina.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Gina says, casting her eyes down. She can’t believe she let Evans get under her skin like that. Enough to make her do something monumentally stupid. Or almost do something monumentally stupid, if Nini hadn’t been there to stop her.

“No, I mean, I get it. I’m glad I stopped you. I get it, though. But also? Fuck! Gina, she knows. I called you babe, or almost did, and now Lily Evans knows and we’re fucked. They’re going to arrest us, and discharge us, and it’s all my fault. Oh my god. I’m so sorry—”

Gina stands and grabs Nini by the shoulders. “Nini, it’s fine.”

“But, no, you saw what happened. She’s going to tell someone. Then what?” Nini asks.

“Anything she knows right now is circumstantial at best. And that’s a reach, even. It’s flimsy. So you called me ‘babe’ so what? That doesn’t mean that we’re in a lesbian relationship,” Gina says.

“But we are,” Nini replied.

“Yeah, we are. But she doesn’t know that for sure. She might suspect something. Strongly suspect, even. But she doesn’t have enough to report us on. And they’re not going to do a full investigation on us just because of that. Remember the other part of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Don’t pursue, don’t harass,” Gina says. Of course, there’s a mountain of other evidence, however circumstantial, that Evans possibly has. But Nini doesn’t need to know that right now.

Nini’s eyes meet Gina’s, and the shorter girl starts to relax a little.

“So you think we’re really okay?” Nini asks.

“I think we are,” Gina says. She doesn’t. But that’s not the point. Again, primary objective, settle Nini’s nerves.

Nini seems to still then, and Gina leads Nini back over to Gina’s bunk. They sit beside one another, and Gina pulls Nini into a tight hug, tucking Nini’s head under her own.

“Gina?” Nini asks, pulling her head back to look up at Gina. “What did Lily Evans mean when she said she doesn’t know what you’ve told me?” Gina didn’t hear that part. That must have been before Gina could get over to intervene. “You haven’t told me anything about her in a long time. Did something happen between you two? Is there something else I should know?”

So much! That’s what Gina wants to say. She wants to lay it all out for Nini. About how Evans suspects them of being together. How Gina’s mother knows they’re together, and may come after Nini. How they’re both in more danger of being outed than ever before.

But she doesn’t say any of that. She can’t. If Nini found out just how much Gina has kept from her at this point, she would break up with Gina immediately. It would be over. Nini would hate her.

“I don’t know,” Gina lies. “You know Evans. I’m sure she was just trying to get under your skin.”

Nini eyes her skeptically for a moment. But then Nini nods, and seems to accept what Gina’s saying as truth.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I’m just being paranoid, I guess,” Nini says.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

The two months that follow the most recent run-in with Evans are surprisingly, unnervingly quiet. Gina is constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. And what’s worse, she feels so isolated in her concern.

Nini, as far as Gina has observed, got over her panic pretty quickly. The night of the run-in, in fact. Once she accepted Gina’s explanation that Evans didn’t have any hard evidence against them, Nini went back to being a ray of sunshine. And Gina is too addicted to that warmth to risk losing it with something like the truth.

Gina asks her, one day, how she can be so positive, despite the fact that they serve a military who wouldn’t hesitate to kick them out if their sexuality became known. And especially with people—Evans—who seem so intent on taking them down.

Nini barely considers the question.

“Because we’re good cadets,” Nini says. “And we’re good people, who aren’t doing anything wrong.”

“The Army would disagree,” Gina says.

“I don’t mean the rules, I mean ethically, we’re doing nothing wrong. Love is always right. Never wrong. And I think the universe rewards people who do the right thing. I have to believe that,” Nini says.

Gina wishes she could believe that, too. And she wishes she did the right thing more often, just in case it’s true.

In late October, cadets in their cow year begin learning their leadership assignments for the summer after the current academic year.

Nini gets her assignment first. She is to be assigned to the Department of Defense in DC. Which for Nini, whose long-term goals are political, is a perfect assignment. And Gina is proud of her. 

A week later, Gina is notified that she’s a finalist for a coveted leadership assignment at Fort Meade in Maryland. Gina’s endgame has always been military intelligence. Since she found out what it is. And to work at Fort Meade—even if the assignment is really just a glorified intern—she would be over the moon.

“You’ll get it! I know you will,” Nini says. “You deserve that spot.”

Gina shrugs. She wants the assignment, of course. It’s all she wants. But she’s doing her best not to get her hopes up. That’s the best way to get disappointed. And the decisions for positions like the one she wants are not always made fairly.

“It’s not always about being the best, Ni. A lot of things factor in. Some of them are political. Like they won’t tell me who else they’re considering, but it’s possible someone knows the right person, or their parents do, and they get picked over me. Or, you know, sexism exists,” Gina says. “Maybe they’ll choose a boy, just because it’s a boy.”

Nini sobers some and nods. “Fair,” she says. “Or unfair, I guess. I just—I’m trying to put positive energy out into the universe that they’ll pick you. Plus! If you’re in Maryland and I’m in DC, we can have meet-ups!”

Gina laughs. “Of course I have thought about how great that would be. I mean, aside from it being my dream assignment, it’s the best part of possibly getting it. Being so close to you.”

“Dream, shream, I can’t go the whole summer without kissing your face,” Nini says.

“Well, we’re alone in our room. Maybe you should kiss my face now, just in case?” Gina says.

“In case nothing! You’re going to get Fort Meade, and we’re going to get together every weekend for lots of kissing, and cuddling, and other stuff. But I won’t say no to kissing you now, so…”

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Gina finds out in early December that first semester finals will be considered on the Fort Meade decision, so she won’t know her fate until she returns from Winter Break. She tries not to let that stress her out. But it’s hard, knowing how much she has on the line. She thinks she does pretty well on her exams, actually, but it only does so much to quell her anxiety.

It doesn’t help that Winter Break is sounding a lot less appealing this year.

Gina’s mom arranged for Gina to spend the holiday with her in San Antonio where she’s temporarily stationed. And she knows she should be really happy to see her mom for Christmas for the first time in three years, but all she feels is dread. Dread at missing out on another Salazar-Roberts Christmas. And dread at having to hear about how her mom doesn’t support who Gina loves.

But she puts on a brave face when she has to say goodbye to Nini at the airport, before they head to their separate gates.

Gina’s mom is there to greet her when she arrives at the joint branch base where Terri is stationed. But within ten minutes of Gina walking in the door and putting her things down, her mom has to leave to handle a situation. And Gina spends most of her first two days in San Antonio alone in base housing. It’s really lonely, and makes Gina miss Nini all the more.

Two days before Christmas, Terri finally has time for Gina, and takes her out to dinner. Gina is hoping for a peaceful, loving meal. Her hopes are almost immediately dashed. Terri starts in on Gina as soon as the waiter takes their drink orders.

“So, I hear you didn’t take my advice, and you’re still roommates with that Nina girl,” Terri says. It’s not a question, so Gina knows her mother has someone watching her.

“I didn’t, and I am,” Gina says.

“I take it you didn’t break things off, either, like I told you to do?” Terri asks.

Gina has to swallow the instinct to lie. Which she realizes is a terrible instinct to have developed. But she knows there’s no sense in lying to her mom about her relationship with Nini. Since clearly Terri has eyes on the ground.

“Nope, still dating Nini,” Gina says.

Gina watches her mom fold and unfold her hands on the table in front of her several times. Like she’s looking for the right words. Which is not something she usually sees from her mom. Gina doesn’t know if her mom has ever been hesitant about saying something. Certainly not to her.

“Genevieve,” Terri starts. Then she seems to soften a bit. “Gina, I need you to know that there’s a cadet at West Point who is doing everything they can to push the narrative to leadership that you’re involved in a same-sex affair.”

Evans . Gina knows it without needing to be told.

“I have enough connections,” Terri continues, “that I’ve been able to bury it so far. But I don’t know how long I can do that. If she tells the wrong person, and they look into it and find out it’s true, I won’t be able to protect you.”

Gina swallows. Even if her mom has contacts at her school, that it got all the way back to her mom that someone was trying to out her and Nini, it means that the threat is very real. And getting closer every day.

“It’s that bad?” Gina asks. Even though she knows the answer.

Terri nods. “I know this isn’t easy, Gina. I know you think you love this girl—”

“I do love Nini, mom. She’s everything to me,” Gina interjects.

“Even if that’s true,” Terri says, “it doesn’t change the reality of your situation. You both committed to military service, Gina. That means you have to play by their rules. And if you already have these rumors circulating before you get your commission, it’s not going to get better. Even if—and this is a big if—you’re never found out, you’ll be under constant scrutiny. And you will be passed over for promotions. And you’ll have to live in fear until your career is over. Do you really want that?”

Of course Gina doesn’t want that. She wants to be able to serve, to fulfill her goals, and to love the woman she loves. But maybe her mom is right. Maybe it just isn’t feasible to have it all. And if her relationship with Nini is really putting them both in jeopardy, then maybe Gina is left without any choice but to keep her promise to Carol.

Carol . Gina really needs to talk to her. And she really needs to be around Dana and Carol, and most of all Nini. If it’s going to end, she wants to see them all one last time.

“Mom,” Gina says. “I think—I need to go to Salt Lake City,” Gina says, trying not to cry.

“I know baby,” Terri says, looking at her sadly. “Your flight leaves in the morning.”

It takes Gina a moment to understand what her mom said. Her flight?

“You bought me a ticket to Utah?” Gina asks. “But you and I are supposed to spend Christmas together.”

“I know you might not believe me, but I haven’t been against your relationship with Nina to be mean or cruel, Gina. I wish I could just be happy that you are with someone that makes you happy. But that’s not the life you committed to,” Terri says. “That doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t real, though. And I know you need to be with her right now. We have plenty of holidays left.”

Gina stands up and walks to her mother’s side of the table. She hugs her mom. A real hug.

“Thank you, mom. I love you,” Gina says.

“I love you, too, Gina. And I’m sorry,” her mom says.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Gina’s mind is all over the place when she flies to Salt Lake on Christmas Eve. She knows she should break things off with Nini. But she also knows she doesn’t want to do that on Christmas, of all days. Or really over break. Because it would be nice to spend one last break with Nini.

She also wonders if she’ll even be able to do it when they return to school. It’s the right thing to do. But she’s been playing pretty fast and loose with doing the right thing for the better part of the last year.

Part of her thinks she should just come clean to Nini about all the lies and hidden truths. Maybe if she does that, Nini will break up with her and she won’t have to be the one to pull the trigger. It’s the coward's way out, sure, but it would be effective.

She really needs to talk to Carol, she realizes. She loves both of Nini’s moms, but she’s always felt a strange kinship with Carol. Maybe Mama C would be the one person who could help Gina make sense of everything.

When she arrives at the Salazar-Roberts home, her mind hasn’t quieted at all.

Gina pays the cab driver, grabs her bag from the trunk, and trudges up the walk to Nini’s front door. She takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell.

“I’ll get it,” Gina hears Nini shout from inside.

The door swings open, and there stands the love of Gina’s life. Wearing plaid pajamas and a Santa hat, and holding a candy cane. So goddamn adorable. Gina wants to kiss every bit of her.

“Gina?” Nini asks in surprise.

Nini launches herself at Gina, and it’s all Gina can do to not stumble back under Nini’s hug attack.

Gina is glad for the hug. It allows her to hide the swirling emotions she knows show on her face for a moment longer. So Gina hugs her back tightly.

When Nini finally pulls back to look at her, Gina does her best to plaster on a smile.

“Merry Christmas, my love!” Gina says.

Dana and Carol are equally happy to see Gina, and envelop her in huge hugs, and welcome her “home.” And Gina feels so loved, and so comfortable. But also so unworthy.

Gina and Nini exchanged gifts before leaving for break, and Gina sent the moms a wine of the month subscription, because she didn’t expect to be in Salt Lake for the holiday. And Gina feels embarrassed to have come empty handed, but no one makes her feel bad about it.

“You being here is enough of a gift,” Dana and Carol say almost in unison. Almost as if they rehearsed it. But Gina knows they didn’t. And she knows they both genuinely feel that way.

Gina decides to try to put the negative thoughts away until the 26th so she can truly enjoy Christmas with her favorite family. The family she wishes she could really be a part of.

She imagines another universe where she and Nini aren’t in the Army. Or where everyone is evolved enough to accept gay people even in the military, and where gay marriage is legal. She could be really happy having Carol and Dana as her mothers-in-law.

Fantasies. Nice fantasies, granted, but a fantasy still the same.

The night after Christmas, Dana is taking her mother home, and Nini is in the shower, so Gina takes the opportunity to speak to Carol.

“Hey,” Gina says, walking into the kitchen where Carol is washing dishes. “Can we talk?”

Carol puts the plate she was washing down and dries her hand on the dish towel.

“Uh oh, that doesn’t sound good,” Carol says, sitting down at the breakfast table, and motioning for Gina to sit with her.

Gina slumps in a chair across from Carol and sighs. “It’s not,” she says, emotion thick in her voice, despite her best efforts to remain calm.

“Oh, honey,” Carol says, clearly sensing how troubled Gina is. “What is it? You can tell me anything.”

“I promised—the thing I promised you—”

Gina can’t get the words out, and buries her face in her hands.

“Gina, sweetie, are you two in trouble?” Carol asks.

Gina just nods.

Carol scoots her chair around to sit right beside Gina. She pulls Gina into a hug.

“I’m so sorry,” Carol says. “I’m sorry this is happening. It’s so unfair.”

Gina nods against Carols’ shoulder, and feels Nini’s mom’s shoulder getting wetter and wetter from her tears. Choked sobs ripping themselves from her throat. She’s struggling to even breathe.

Carol grabs Gina’s shoulders, and holds her upright.

“Okay, breathe with me, Gina,” Carol says. She looks directly into Gina’s eyes, and takes a deep breath in. Gina mimics the breath. Carol then blows the breath out, and Gina does the same.

A few more times, and Gina’s breathing evens. Enough that she’s able to push out an explanation of what’s going on. How Evans knows about them. How she’s spreading rumors, and trying to get the ear of higher ups. How even Gina’s mom has heard the rumors, so it’s very serious, and widespread at this point.

“I know what I have to do,” Gina confesses. “But I don’t want to. It’s not fair.”

Another sob escapes Gina’s throat.

“I know it’s not,” Carol says. “It’s not fair.”

She holds Gina and rubs her back.

“I just love her so much,” Gina chokes out.

“I know you do, sweetie. She loves you, too,” Carol says, and continues to hold Gina, whispering affirmations until Gina is finally able to stabilize herself again.

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Then Carol shakes her head. “Lily Evans,” she says. “Nini’s told us about her.”

“Nini doesn’t really keep secrets from you guys, does she?” Gina asks.

Carol seems to consider that for a moment. “You know, not really. Not since she was a kid.”

“She hates secrets,” Gina adds. “Unless it’s a good surprise.”

“You do know her well,” Carol says. “I think that’s from, when she was small, and we were fighting so hard to keep her, we never really let on to her how bad things were. How close we were to losing our family a couple of times. It wouldn’t have been right to put that much stress on a child. But when she was 14 or 15, one of her cousins—I guess they heard their parents talking about it, and they kind of let it slip. And she was pissed.”

“Because it didn’t come from you,” Gina observes.

“Exactly,” Carol says.

Gina takes that in. And the way to move forward is so obvious. It’s not the coward’s way at all.

“So, I know what I have to do,” Gina says. “I hate it, but I know I don’t have a choice. And I know I have to make it stick. And—and I think I know how to do it.”

Chapter Text

Gina is a nervous wreck going back to campus. She holds Nini’s hand the entire flight back. She sleeps in the same bed with Nini the first night back on campus. She generally tries to soak up every last moment she can with Nini, before the inevitable.

Gina has a plan. A plan she knows will work. A plan she knows will absolutely break Nini’s heart. And her own. But it’s something she knows has to do.

The morning classes begin for the Spring semester, Gina speaks to the firsties in her company, and arranges late night guard shack duty. When she does what must be done, she doesn’t want to be faced with Nini’s hatred. Then for the rest of the day, she does everything she can to avoid Nini. It wouldn’t do to have an emotional breakdown before she puts her plan into motion.

During study hours, Gina busies herself reading a book, intentionally ignoring Nini until there are only 20 minutes left before lights out (and when Gina is scheduled to report for guard duty). When the time comes, she puts her book down, and takes a deep breath.

“Nini,” Gina says. Nini looks up at Gina from her own reading. “Can I talk to you about something?”

Emily, who must hear the serious, and somewhat urgent tone in Gina’s voice, asks, “Should I be out of the room for this?”

Gina considers it. “Yeah, I think so.”

Emily leaves the room, and Gina is now alone with Nini.

“What’s up?” Nini says, once Emily is gone. “You have me worried.”

Gina breathes deeply. “Okay, so here’s the thing,” she says.

And then Gina lays it all out. How Evans has suspected Gina and Nini were in a relationship for almost a year, at least. And how Gina knew about it. How her mother knows they’re dating.

“Because you told her? It’s fine if you told her, Gina. I’m proud of you for coming out,” Nini says.

“Well, I did, but she already had us clocked,” Gina says. “And she’s not happy about it.”

Gina continues, telling Nini how every time something happened with Evans, or with her mom, Gina hid it from Nini. And then how her mom told her that rumors are swirling about them now. Rumors that can’t be contained much longer, and could ruin both of them.

“So you knew all of this and didn’t tell me?” Nini asks. And Gina has never heard Nini sound so small. “You didn't trust me?”

“I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want you to worry about it at first. And I was embarrassed that Evans kept making me look so foolish. And then things just kept building up, and I felt like I couldn’t tell you, because you’d be so angry with me,” Gina says.

“I am angry,” Nini says. “I only asked you for one thing—”

“The truth,” Gina finishes for her. And Nini nods. “I know. That’s why I couldn’t—”

“Couldn’t or wouldn’t?” Nini asks, cutting Gina off.

Gina doesn’t know how to answer, and Nini doesn’t say anything else for a moment. An uncomfortable silence fills the room, and Gina feels like she’s going to explode. But finally Nini speaks again.

“Why are you telling me all this now? What changed?” Nini asks.

Gina thinks about how to answer the question for a moment.

“The rumors,” Gina says. “It got too much, too big. Eventually the wrong person is going to hear them, and they’re going to come after us. They’re not supposed to, but they will. And when they do, we can’t be together. There can’t be any proof that we are. Because if they find something—”

“But why did you wait until now to tell me, Gina? That’s what I’m asking. Because you could have told me a week ago, or a month ago, or whenever. We could have figured this out together. But you’re telling me now. Why?” Nini asks.

“Because it’s over,” Gina says. And she has no idea how the most devastating thing she has ever had to say in her life can be summed up in so few words. How she can absolutely break herself in a single breath. “We’re over. The plane is going down, Nini, and I had to tell you everything before we crashed. And I know how much you hate when people hide the truth from you. I was talking to Carol—”

“My mom?” Nini asks. “You told my mom about this before you told me?” Nini huffs out a frustrated sigh. “Of course. Like always, I’m the last one to know about something going on in my own life.”

If Nini was angry before, Gina sees a whole other level now. It’s a tone she’s never heard from Nini before. Maybe because she’s never seen Nini experience complete betrayal before. And as much as it might help end things—something Gina knows has to happen—a part of her doesn’t want Nini to think Gina was telling everyone but her. She confided in Carol because she needed help.

“It’s not like that,” Gina says.

“Oh, it’s exactly like that,” Nini says, not letting Gina explain. “I get it now. You know what, Gina? You’re right. We’re done. This is over.” Nini looks around frantically, before heaving out a frustrated breath. “And this is my room, too, so I can’t exactly storm out, but…”

Gina’s head falls. Maybe it’s best she doesn’t try to minimize her mistake, or explain even part of it away. Nini needs to be done with her. She did what she intended to do. And it’s the worst feeling she’s ever had.

“Don’t worry about it,” Gina says. “I have guard duty tonight. So I’ll leave for both of us.”

Gina manages to hold herself together as she leaves the room. She goes to the bathroom to retrieve Emily.

“Is everything okay?” Emily asks, when she sees Gina.

Gina takes a deep breath and tries to keep her voice even. “You can go back to the room now,” she says.

“Gina? Are you okay? What happened?”

It’s everything Gina can do not to fall apart. But she doesn’t think she deserves to do that in front of someone else. A friend. Someone who might try to comfort her. She doesn’t feel like she’s earned comfort.

“I’m sure Nini will tell you everything. Please just go back to the room, Emily. Nini needs you,” Gina says, and she can’t even hide the emotion in her voice anymore.

“Gina?” Emily asks.

“Please go,” Gina responds.

Emily hesitates for a moment at the door to the bathroom, before finally leaving. As soon as the door closes, everything bursts forward from Gina’s chest. She falls to the floor, leans her back against the wall by the row of sinks, and cries. Harder than she’s ever cried in her life. She’s never lost like she just lost.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Gina and Nini do a pretty good job of avoiding one another for the next week. 

She continues to serve in the guard shack during study hours. She tells the firsties in her company that the solitude is helping her stay balanced, and focused on her work. They tell her that she’s one of the top students in her class, and seems to excel at everything, so they’re not going to argue with her process, and grant her request for the assignment.

Over the weekend, Gina takes leave from post and checks into the first cheap motel she can find near campus. Anything to not risk being around Nini. Anything to avoid the pain. And it turns out the pain follows her, but at least Nini doesn’t. And never will again.

On Tuesday, Gina learns from her advisor that she got the Fort Meade assignment. For just a brief moment, she’s elated. She got exactly what she wanted.

But then she remembers she doesn’t have everything she wants. She doesn’t have the one person she wants to run to, and brag about her news. 

And Nini would be so happy for her. She would hug Gina. And kiss her, and tell her how amazing she is. Nini would start making plans immediately for their weekend meet-ups. Hell, Nini probably already had things planned. Nini always believed she would get the assignment. Nini always believed in Gina .

Gina realizes that good news isn’t nearly as good when she can’t share it with Nini. Sharing with Nini was always better than even getting good news.

So she thanks her advisor with a half-hearted smile, and goes about her day. Aware that she got her dream assignment, and numb to any possible happiness.

That night while walking to guard duty, a cadet Gina doesn’t know walking in the opposite direction approaches Gina and slips her an envelope without a word. It’s weird.

Gina looks at the envelope which is addressed simply, “PORTER.”

After relieving the guard on duty, and settling into the seat, Gina checks the logs from the previous shift to make sure everything looks in order. Realizing it does, she takes the envelope out of her pocket, and opens it.

A single sheet of paper is the only thing inside, and when she unfolds the paper, she realizes it’s a letter.

Porter,

There’s something you need to know. Meet me outside the cadet chapel tomorrow after evening mess.
-Evans

Of course it’s from Evans. What the hell could she want now? Hasn’t she done enough to ruin Gina’s life?

Gina knows the answer to that. No. Evans won’t stop until she takes everything from Gina. And since Gina knows how much her fate rests in the hands of Evans, she knows she’ll have to go. And hey, if she accidentally breaks Evans’ neck, and throws her body in the Hudson, then it will just be an unexpected positive outcome.

Against her basest instincts, Gina accepts Evans’ invitation, and goes to the cadet chapel on Wednesday night after evening mess. She sees Evans sitting on a bench outside waiting on her, so she walks over.

“Aren’t you scared you’ll burst into flames this close to a house of worship?” Gina asks as she approaches. It’s the kind of joke that could be taken as good natured ribbing. But Gina means it with every fiber of her being.

Evans shrugs. “I could ask you the same with all the godless things you’ve no doubt done with Salazar,” she replies.

Gina has to bite her tongue not to respond to that . But she’s done letting Evans win that easily.

“What do you want, Evans?” Gina asks, instead.

“Congratulate me,” Evans says.

“What?” Gina asks. She doesn’t know what the hell Evans is talking about.

“I said to congratulate me. Because I won.”

“Won what? What the hell are you talking about?” Gina says.

“I have an officer ready to corroborate my story that you and Salazar have been gaying each other for months. Well, at least they’re going to corroborate the part on Salazar. So it’s not the win I wanted, but at least I can make your little girlfriend go away,” Evans brags.

Gina has to fight against the panic rising in her gut. She destroyed her relationship with Nini to protect Nini, and now it might all be for naught? No, she couldn’t let that happen. But what could she do?

“You might be asking yourself what you can do to stop this?” Evans says. And seriously, fuck her. “Well, this is where you’re going to tell me thank you, because I have a way.”

“What?” Gina seethes.

“Turn yourself in. You admit to being the dyke I know you are, and I’ll retract everything I’ve said about Salazar. I’ll say I got confused, and it was you all along, and she’ll be free to continue her career. You for her,” Evans says.

And honestly? Gina is tempted. She would gladly jump on the grenade for Nini. She would give up everything for Nini. And she kind of thought she already had. But she knows she also has to consider the source. Would Evans really keep Nini out of it? Or would she just use Gina’s compassion against her, and get both of them out of the Army in one fell swoop? Gina has fallen for the scorpion’s lies one too many times.

“Fuck off,” Gina says, and turns to walk away.

“Porter, wait,” Evans says, rising from the bench, and rushing after her. “Okay, fine. You don’t have to turn yourself in. But I know you got Fort Meade.”

Gina doesn’t know how she knows that. But whatever.

“Yeah, I did. And?” Gina asks.

“I was the other candidate. So if you withdraw—say you can’t do that assignment. Have a conflict. Whatever. But if you back out, I’ll retract everything I’ve said about both of you. And it all falls apart without my statements. You’ll both be free to keep being dirty lesbians together,” Evans says.

“You want something from me, and yet you call me—”

“I’m sorry,” Evans says. “Force of habit. But seriously, Porter. All of this can go away. I can make that happen. And all I want is the Fort Meade assignment.”

Gina’s head swirls. It’s a simple enough offer. But she realizes she needs collateral.

“Okay, I’m going to think about it,” Gina says.

“Take your time,” Evans says. “I don’t have to know right now. I’ll give you until the end of the day on Friday. We’ll meet here at the same time Friday night, and give me your answer.”

“Okay, that’s fair,” Gina says. “But I need one more thing, if I say yes.”

“What?” Evans asks.

“I’m going to write up the terms of this deal. I’m going to detail everything that happened. And you’re going to sign it,” Gina says.

It’s not a perfect plan. If Evans outs Nini and Gina, they’ll be kicked out, regardless of some signed letter. But, if Gina turns that over, Evans will go down with them, for blackmail. Mutually assured destruction.

Evans narrows her eyes at Gina, but Gina can tell her nemesis is going to say yes. It’s too good of a deal.

“Fine, I’ll sign it if you say yes,” Evans says.

“Then we have a deal,” Gina says.

And Gina walks away to begin contemplating the offer.

Truthfully, there’s not much to contemplate. Nini might never take her back. In fact, Gina knows she was just too thorough in making sure Nini will never take her back. But that doesn’t really matter. She still loves Nini. More than anything. And there’s nothing Gina wouldn’t do, nothing she wouldn’t give up for Nini. So if the only way to protect Nini is to give Evans what she wants, Evans can have it.

That night while on guard duty, Gina starts drafting the agreement she’ll have Evans sign.

She details how Evans has been poking around about Gina’s and Nini’s sexualties for years, in violation of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Pursue. She recounts how Evans tried to blackmail Gina into turning herself in, by holding Nini’s fate hostage. Then how the blackmail continued, but with lower stakes.

Gina tries not to leave anything out. She can’t leave anything to chance. She needs Evans to know, if she tries any fuckery, her ass will be on the line, too.

The next day, Gina walks around feeling a little better about herself. Yes, she’s still lost the love of her life. Yes, she’s going to voluntarily give up her dream leadership assignment. But she’s making amends for all the ways she wronged Nini. She’s doing the right thing, just because it’s the right thing. And she’s proud of herself.

On her walk to guard duty on Thursday night, a different cadet she’s not familiar with approaches her and slips an envelope into her hand. Another of Evans’ minions, she’s sure. But when she looks at the envelope, it’s not addressed to “PORTER” in Evans’ chicken-scratch scrawl. It’s addressed to “Gina” in a handwriting Gina knows all too well. Nini’s handwriting.

Also, as an aside, Gina is now curious if someone is running a secret courier service on campus, as this is the second clandestine package she’s been delivered this week. If that’s the case, kudos to whoever founded it. It sounds like a good racket.

When she settles into the guard shack, Gina opens the envelope and finds, just as she suspected, a letter in Nini’s handwriting.

Dear Gina,

I’m still mad at you. And I want to hate you.

Well, that’s not a great start, Gina thinks.

But the thing is, I can’t. I’ve tried, believe me. But not talking to you for the past 10 days has made it the worst 10 days of my life. Maybe a romantic relationship between us just wasn’t in the cards. And I feel dumb for thinking it could work. I shouldn’t have fallen for you. I should have been happy with our platonic relationship.

Gina knows Nini was not dumb at all. There’s nothing Gina wanted more than for it to have worked.

But you were my best friend, Gina! You were the only person I could talk to about everything, and who understood the struggles at West Point. And I feel like I’ve lost a big piece of myself not being able to talk to you. I’m not saying today, or tomorrow, but I hope we can get back to being friends, even if we can’t be more.

Your friend still, I hope,

Nini

It’s not a pledge of undying love or anything. And honestly, maybe Nini was right. Maybe that just wasn’t what they needed. Because, as much as she misses holding Nini, kissing Nini, loving Nini, she misses talking to Nini more than anything. The one person who always made her feel accepted.

Her mind was already made up to accept Evans’ terms. But now Gina is even more determined to make it work. To save Nini. To regain her friendship. And maybe, down the road, when the coast is clear, who knows what else could happen?

Gina almost slaps herself at that last bit. Not even friends again, and already plotting to make Nini love her again. She’ll have to work on that. Rein those expectations in.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Gina can barely sleep on Thursday night. And for the first time since her breakup with Nini, it’s not because of negative thoughts. Instead, her mind races with thoughts of repairing things with Nini. Keeping Nini at West Point. Making the Evans problem go away for good. And thoughts of everything working out for the best.

She’s not an optimistic person by nature. Gina knows that about herself. Too many negative things happened in her life to allow her that optimism. When she was with Nini, she started to see the bright side of things a little more easily. And maybe that’s why she is so optimistic about her plan.

Gina gets out of bed before 05:00. Since she can’t sleep, she goes to her laptop, to print the agreement she wrote for Evans to sign. Unfortunately, her printer is out of ink. She forgot about that. So she makes a mental note to pick more up at the Student Center later that day.

Gina sits back in her chair and reads Nini’s letter again. And one more time for good measure.

When the sun starts to creep up in the sky, Gina decides a nice long run will help her burn off all of her nervous, excited energy.

She straightens up her bunk and her footlocker, slips on some PTs, and heads out to run. She’s not even sure how far she runs, but the cold winter air burns in such a delightful way as Gina pushes herself farther and faster.

When the sun has completely cleared the river, Gina knows it’s time to head back.

She watches students leaving the mess hall from breakfast, and decides to stop by the Student Center to grab an ink pod for her printer, and a coffee.

As she’s walking toward her barracks, she sees Emily walking toward her at a brisk pace.

“Gina? Where the hell have you been?” Emily asks. Her voice sounds urgent. Troubled.

“I went for a run this morning, why? What’s wrong?” Gina asks.

“It’s Nini,” Emily says.

Dread settles in Gina’s gut.

“What do you mean, Emily? What happened to Nini?” Gina asks.

“She—we went to breakfast this morning, and then when we got back to the room to make sure it was ready for inspection, military police were waiting there,” Emily says.

“In the room?” Gina asks.

Emily nods vigorously. “They said they found some letter, and then they put Nini in handcuffs and said she was in violation of Department of Defense Directive 1332.14—”

“That’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” Gina says. “But wait, a letter?”

Gina’s heart starts racing. The letter Nini wrote to her. Gina left it on her desk before going for her run. She was going to put it away before room inspections.

“Yeah, they said they did a routine room check, while we were at breakfast or something, and they found something. And then they took Nini away,” Emily says.

“Emily?” Gina says. She can’t think of anything to say. Her ears are ringing. Her heart is pounding out of her chest. She feels like she might faint.

“Whoa, Gina,” Emily says, grabbing Gina’s shoulders to steady her.

“She—she wrote me a letter yesterday. About how much she missed talking to me. And how she hoped we could get back to being friends,” Gina says.

“Shit,” Emily says. “She said something about you reading a letter before we left the room. Did she say anything in the letter about you two being together? Did it implicate you, too? They weren’t looking for you,” Emily says.

Gina searches her memory of the letter. It said a lot about being friends. And it did say something about how maybe they weren’t supposed to be in a romantic relationship. But it didn’t specifically say that they had been in one.

“She said in the letter that maybe we weren’t—fuck, Emily, if someone who didn’t know us read that letter, they would think—”

“Think what?” Emily asks.

“They would think that Nini wanted to be in a romantic relationship, but I didn’t. Like, maybe she was pursuing me and I said no, and then didn’t want to be friends with her anymore, or something. But that’s not what happened!” Gina says. “I have to do something.”

“What can you do?” Emily asks. “Not saying you can’t, but I genuinely don’t know what can be done.”

Gina thinks. There’s only one person she thinks can maybe help her.

“I have to call my mom,” Gina says.

Gina paces back and forth in her room trying to contact her mom with the number she has for her. It takes three attempts, but Gina finally gets an answer.

“Hello?” Terri says in answer.

“Mom, it’s me. I—I don’t even know where to start. They took Nini, mom. They—”

“I heard, Gina,” Terri says. “I told you I was plugged into the situation.”

Gears start turning in Gina’s head. What exactly does her mom mean? That she had people on the ground informing her of what was going on? That’s what Gina assumed. But for her to know about Nini’s arrest already? That seems more than just “plugged in” to Gina.

“Mom, you didn’t have anything to do with this did you? Please tell me—”

“Gina, I did what I had to do to protect you and your reputation. I told you I wouldn’t do anything to hurt your career,” Terri says, interrupting.

“But you did something to hurt Nini?” Gina shouts.

“Calm down Genevieve,” Terri scolds. “Nina isn’t my concern.”

“She’s my concern mom,” Gina retorts. Fuck calming down. “I love her! And I fucked it up so I could keep her safe, and now she’s been arrested?”

“You did too little, too late,” Terri says. “I told you last year to end things with her before they got out of hand, and you didn’t listen. I love you, Gina, but this is your own mess, and I had to clean it up for you. So I’ve had a trusted contact performing unofficial room checks for the past week. Just to make sure there was nothing incriminating in your room. This morning they found a letter Nina wrote to you.”

“You were looking for something like that?” Gina asks.

“I was hoping they wouldn’t find something like that,” Terri says. “And if something like that existed, at least if my contacts found it, I could control the narrative. Fortunately what they found didn’t implicate you. In fact, it might help quiet the rumors about you. Nina did you a favor in the way she worded the letter. We can make it seem like it was a one-sided infatuation from Nina, that you were the victim of.”

A wave of helplessness washes over Gina. Helplessness and nausea. She called her mom for help, but instead she found out that her mom is responsible for her problem. And her mom is going to paint Nini like some type of predator, and Gina as an innocent victim.

“Mom, please, don’t do this. Help her. I love her. She’s a good person, mom. Please!” Gina begs.

“There’s nothing that can be done at this point, Genevieve. Your friend dug her own grave as much as you helped her dig it. The rules are what they are, whether you think they’re fair or not,” Terri says.

“How can you be so cold?” Gina asks. “Mom, that could be me.”

“I’m thankful it’s not you, Genevieve. And I’m sorry if this upsets you, but I’m relieved you can finally focus again on what’s important,” Terri says. “Now, I have other matters to attend to. You need to go to class. And forget about Nina.”

Her mom ends the call before Gina can respond.

Gina collapses on her bunk. She doesn’t cry. She doesn’t do anything. She just feels numb. She gives herself an hour to feel that lack of anything, that deadness inside before going to class.

She’s present in her classes for the rest of the day, but she’s not really there.

When she returns to her room before evening mess, two of the firsties in her company are there boxing up Nini’s possessions. And then it really sinks in. Nini is really, actually gone. And there’s nothing Gina can do about it.

One of the firsties, Boston, who has always been kind to Gina (and to Nini for that matter) gives Gina a sympathetic smile, and a nod as she leaves the room with Nini’s things.

Gina doesn’t leave the room all weekend. Not even to eat. She can’t make herself get out of bed.

She runs over what happened in her head, over and over again. She doesn’t know why she left that letter out on her desk. Granted, she didn’t think anyone would come into the room before inspection specifically looking for something like that. And maybe she wanted Nini to see she had read it, when she woke up? But it was careless, and Gina knows it’s her fault Nini was found out.

Or, maybe if she hadn’t started the fight with Nini in the first place that ended their relationship, Nini wouldn’t have even written the letter.

Or maybe if she wouldn’t have kept things from Nini for over a year, the fight couldn’t have even happened. Or maybe Nini would have left before signing her contract. At least she would have done so on her own terms. At least she wouldn’t hate Gina now.

So many what-ifs. But none of them matter. Nini is gone, and it’s Gina’s fault.

On the next Wednesday, her advisor reaches out to Gina. Apparently they have been informed of Gina’s “victim” status and want to inquire if Gina needs to speak to a counselor about it. Gina tells her advisor to fuck off in the most professional way she can manage.

Two weeks later Gina hears gossip about Nini’s court martial. Apparently Nini admitted she’s a lesbian without an argument, but said she’s not been in a relationship with anyone still at West Point. Or so the rumors say. If the rumors are to be believed, Gina takes notice that even though Gina knows Nini must hate her, she’s still looking out for Gina. Gina feels like she should take some type of solace in that. But she doesn’t. She just feels sad.

Gina also learns that Nini received a dishonorable discharge, which is expected, but won’t be forced to serve any jail time. At least there’s that.

After three weeks of Gina talking to basically no one, Emily finally corners her in the room one night.

“Okay, I get you’re still in mourning,” Emily says. “But you can’t just keep shutting everyone and everything out, Gina. I know almost no one knows what you actually went through, but I do. Can you talk to me?”

Gina wants to say no. What good would talking do? It won’t bring Nini back. It won’t fix Gina’s heart. But a small part of her knows that Nini would want her to talk about it. So she does. For Nini.

“I ruined everything, Emily,” Gina says. “I ruined our relationship, but more importantly, I ruined Nini’s life. She would have been better off if she never met me. What else is there to say?”

“You made mistakes, Gina, I’m not going to pretend you didn’t,” Emily says. And Gina is glad Emily isn’t coddling her. “But you’re not solely responsible for what happened.”

“But I can only control the things I do, Emily,” Gina says. “And those things hurt Nini.”

“Right, but what you can’t control is being gay, Gina. You like women. So does Nini. So do I, for that matter. And guess what? That shouldn’t be a fucking crime,” Emily spits.

“It doesn’t matter what should or shouldn’t be, though,” Gina says. “The rules are what they are. And maybe we can help change them one day. But we knew going in that it was against the rules.”

“Right!” Emily says. “You said ‘we.’ Because you and Nini both knew the risk you were taking. And I know you have been beating yourself up about leaving that letter out, but you know what? Nini saw the letter that morning before we went to breakfast! She said something about how you must have read her letter. I didn’t think anything of it, really, I don’t think any of us thought someone would check our room before inspection, granted. But she could have hidden that letter! And she didn’t. She left it there just like you did.”

That’s a different way of looking at things, to be sure. But it doesn’t change anything.

“I appreciate what you’re saying, Emily, I do. But the fact that Nini also made mistakes doesn’t take away from the mistakes I made. And she’s the one who got hurt,” Gina says.

“That’s true,” Emily concedes. “But cratering your own life isn’t going to help her now. All you can do is learn from your mistakes, and try to be better. And hope that Nini will still be able to have a good life after all of this is over.”

Gina nods. “It’s just, I still love her, Emily. I think I always will. But she’ll hate me for this. Forever. And she should.”

“She might,” Emily says. “But a part of love, the biggest part I think, is sacrifice. So maybe the best way you can love her now is accepting that she’ll hate you. Accept that she’ll be angry about what happened to her. And just be okay with that, and hope that she’s able to move on with her life.

Gina tries to find a hole in Emily’s advice. But she can’t.

So the next day, Gina starts trying to move on with her life. She re-engages in her classes. She speaks to fellow cadets. Not anymore than she did before everything went to shit. But a normal amount. And she vows to be okay with however Nini feels about her, even if Gina knows she’ll always love Nini.

In late April, Gina gets an email on her private email account. The one only Nini and some of Nini’s friends from Salt Lake know about. Nini always jokingly called it “GAY-I-M.”

The subject reads, “How could you?”

Gina sighs. She hovers over the message in her inbox for a moment, before deleting it, without reading it.

She’ll be okay with Nini hating her. It’s all she can do for Nini, for now.

—The End—