Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She called herself Su. She had for a long time now, almost as long as she could remember. Su never told anyone this though. To them she wasn’t a she. To them she wasn’t Su. To them she was a he. To them she was Jungsu.

When she was younger, she had been able to accept that others saw her differently then she saw herself, but it was different now she was older. Going through puberty had been the worst experience of her life. It happened all wrong. When her father had first explained what was going to happen to her, she almost laughed. ‘There is no way that will happen to me,’ she decided.

Unfortunately, she was wrong.

Others perceptions of her didn’t change either. Su loved her friends very much, but it was becoming more and more difficult to hang out with them. She knew they didn’t mean it, but it was like a dagger piercing her heart whenever they called her ‘he’ or ‘him’ or ‘Jungsu’. Adults would call the six of them saying ‘boys!’

Her friends would catch her looking at other girls and tease her like she had a crush on them. In reality, she was quietly begging herself not to cry. Questions like ‘why wasn’t I born a girl as well?’ swirling around her mind. She would shower and change her clothes in the dark because the last thing she ever wanted to see was her own body. Her least favourite class was P.E. even though she enjoyed sports. The school P.E. uniforms were uncomfortable and too tight for her liking. What was even worse was getting changed in the boys’ changing rooms.

It was because of this, Su decided she was going to drop the class the following year. It was a decision that hurt her, but she knew it was much better than putting herself through it all again. That was another thing she had yet to tell anyone.

She was meeting her friends at Jooyeon’s house. They had been talking about making a band for a while, and today was their first meeting. They weren’t playing instruments, just making sure everything was in order. Jiseok wanted a band concept and Seungmin wanted to work out a style so he could plan outfits for their shows (he was thinking very far ahead, Su thought). They needed to work out who was playing what, seeing as some people could play multiple instruments. But, most importantly, the six of them needed a name.

As Su walked up Jooyeon’s driveway towards the house, she inwardly cringed. Her friends were already loud enough for her to hear outside. She wondered if the neighbours would complain. It definitely wouldn’t be the first time. It took only a few seconds after knocking at the door that Jooyeon opened it. He smiled widely and tugged her inside.

“Jungsu-hyung!” She shuddered at his words, thankful he didn’t notice. “You’re the last one here, we were waiting. Come on!”

Su was whisked upstairs to the boy’s bedroom after she had slipped off her shoes. It was big with huge windows and a double bed. In the corner were a few amps as well as a guitar and bass. The walls were decorated with haphazardly placed posters of famous artists Jooyeon followed. It was a nice room, Su always thought. Her bedroom was rather plain compared to his.

Her other friends were already there, smiling and waving at her as she entered. Once the six of them had all settled on the bed and floor, Gunil started the meeting.

“Alright,” he declared, standing up in front of everyone. “Let’s start by deciding on a band name. Anyone have any suggestions?”

Jooyeon’s hand shot up immediately. “What about ‘Triumphant Knights’? I thought of it last night,” he declared proudly. It wasn’t bad, and everyone nodded in approval. It was gender-neutral, which was the only thing Su was looking for.

“Cool, anyone else?”

Jiseok shrugged, “I guess we could use something like ‘High on Hope’? I don’t know, but it sounds kind of cool?”

“It does, but we don’t want people to think we’re druggies,” Seungmin snorted. Jiseok agreed, a little disappointed that his idea had been shot down so fast. Su liked it honestly, but she didn’t say anything. Seungmin had a point.

They spent the next quarter of an hour spitballing ideas. None of them caught everyone’s attention, there was always one person who disagreed. Slowly the ideas had become more and more ridiculous, sure proof all of them were tiring of this.

Gunil was about to call it, saying they could come back to a name another day, when Hyeongjun raised his hand. “I have an idea. What about ‘Born Boys’?”

Su’s heart sank. It was true, they were all born boys, but she was not a boy. In fact, being born a boy was the worst thing that ever happened to her. Everyone else seemed to love the name, new excitement filtering into everyone’s eyes. They all sat up, new hope buzzing between them. It really did feel now like they were high on hope. She felt sick. How could she say no to a name if it was making everyone else feel so good?

Gunil stood back up in front of everyone again, grinning widely. “Hands up for ‘Born Boys’?” Only five people raised their hands. Despite how happy it made the others, Su could not bring herself to vote for something that hurt her so much. She ducked her head and for a second she felt disappointed she didn’t have longer hair she could hide behind. She had tried to grow it out once like Jooyeon but her mother had complained she didn't suit it.

The silence was audible.

“Don’t you like it, Jungsu-hyung?” Seungmin asked. His voice was so soft but the ‘hyung’ echoed like a scream in Su’s head. It didn’t feel like he was really talking to her, more like someone behind her. She felt invisible, like no one could see her at all.

The tears fell before she realised they were even there. When she breathed in, she could barely take in the air she needed. Jiseok was next to her. He pressed his hand to her shoulder and asked gently, “hyung?” It just made the tears fall faster.

“S-sorry,” she choked as she stumbled out of the room. She couldn’t get out of there fast enough, stumbling down the stairs towards the front door. She hesitated to tug on her sneakers. That was when Gunil caught up to her. “Let me go!” Su hissed, trying to rip her wrist away from his grasp while not disturbing Jooyeon’s family.

Gunil remained calm, eyes shining with unshed tears. “We can choose a different name if you want. Or if you don’t want to be in the band at all, we are okay with that. Not being in the band doesn’t mean you aren’t our friend. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you. The six of us will stay friends no matter what. If it’s something completely different that's bothering you, then you can talk to us. We are here for you. Please don’t run away, but if you need space I’ll let you go.” He released her wrist, stepping back to give her room to decide.

Su’s brain was too crowded, the words slipped out without her fully processing that they even had. “I do want to be in the band, but I can’t with that name. I want to tell you why, but I don’t know how.” Her laugh was sour, more tears dribbling down her cheeks. “Or if you will even understand. The last thing I want is to lose you all.”

“You won’t lose us-”

“You don’t know that!” She locked eyes with him for the first time since she ran down stairs. Gunil took half a step backwards by just how much fear was in her eyes. She was petrified. “You can’t know that unless you know what it is.” Su dropped her head, shoulders trembling as she cried. “H-how am I e-even supposed to say i-it?”

Gunil was at a loss on what to do. He wanted to hug Su, but he didn’t know if she would be okay with it. Slowly, he moved closer, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. When she didn’t fight back, he rubbed soft circles on her back. He had no idea what to say.

She pulled back first, and he let his arms drop to his sides. She wiped her face on her sleeve in a futile attempt to clean herself up. A noise made both of them turn their attention to the top of the stairs. Jiseok and Jooyeon gasped, slipping back inside the boy’s room as fast as they could. Su made a noise of annoyance before picking up Gunil’s shoes and pushing them in his direction.

Once he was wearing shoes, she grabbed his wrist and pulled him outside. They started to walk up the road. Gunil wasn’t quite sure where they were going, but he figured Su didn’t either, that she probably just needed to clear her head. They walked in silence for a while. Silence between them was usually comfortable, but he found this silence particularly unpleasant.

Su pushed her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. “‘Born Boys’ is uncomfortable to me. God, even saying it is…” she trailed off, shaking her head. “It’s true, we were all born as boys. It doesn’t mean much to any of you, but to me it was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” This time she didn’t even try to wipe away the tears. “I hate it. I don’t usually hate things, but I hate this. More than anything. You always tease me for looking at girls. I don’t do that because I like them. I do it because… well, I’m jealous, honestly. I-I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you haven’t already worked it out, I’m transgender. I’m a girl. I know I don’t look like one or-”

“Stop,” Gunil said, taking her hand in his. She blinked up at him with wide eyes. He smiled at her, trying to calm her nerves. “Girls don’t have a ‘look’. They look however they look. So don’t say you don’t look like a girl. You do. Maybe not stereotypical girls in movies and stuff, but that doesn’t matter. You as yourself, however you dress or act, that’s you being a girl. You don’t need long hair or make-up or skirts to prove that to people. We will choose a different band name, a more inclusive one. One that is for everyone, regardless of gender.”

Tears spilled down her face as she stared at him. “Y-you don’t care?”

Gunil frowned, tilting his head. “No? Of course not? Why would I? You aren’t any different. You’re still Jungsu-”

“Su! I-I’m Su… Jungsu is a boy’s name and I’m not… a boy.” She hated how hot her cheeks were. She had never told anyone this before, suddenly she felt the new name was stupid. She should have chosen a better one.

“I’m sorry, I should have checked first,” Gunil bowed in apology. The whole conversation was going completely differently than what Su imagined. Even though she knew it was unlikely, she always imagined they would kick her out. “I like Su, it suits you,” Gunil mused, smiling to himself. “Well, Su, you’re the same as before. Just now you can be your whole self with me. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel you couldn’t tell me.”

She wiped her face again, the tears slowly beginning to stop. She knew full well her eyes were swollen, but she didn’t really care right now. There was too much already in her mind for that. “You didn’t. I have known my whole life. I also kind of knew I wasn’t supposed to be like this. That I was supposed to be a boy. I don’t think I’ve ever called myself ‘Jungsu’ in my head, or even ‘he’, or ‘him’. The idea of telling people is kind of scary, both because a lot of people don’t accept people like me, and because even though I never thought of myself as a boy, the… I guess, ‘expectation’ is always there. No matter what, I'm expected to be a boy.”

Gunil nodded. There was understanding in his eyes and that look alone removed mountains of doubt off her heart. “Will you tell the others? You don’t have to. I would never force you and if you choose not to, I won’t say anything.”

Her lips opened and closed for a few seconds. She felt calm for the first time in years. Perhaps it was time?

Instead of answering, she tugged at his sleeve and started to make her way back towards the house. At the top of the stairs, Su took a deep breath. Gunil realised what she was about to do and smiled at her, nodding in encouragement. She opened the door and stepped out in front of her friends who had been lounging around while they were gone. Their expressions morphed into ones of worry the second they laid eyes on her face. She began to wonder if she looked worse than she thought she did, but she pushed that down, focusing on what she was about to say.

“Before you say anything, just let me speak.” She declared. “I’m a transgender girl. I’ve known that my entire life, so please don’t tell me I’m not thinking straight, or something. I care about you all a lot and I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to leave the band either, but please can we choose another name? ‘Born Boys’ sounds really cool but it makes me so uncomfortable.” She paused to take a shuddering breath. “I use she/her pronouns and I go by Su. You can call me ‘Noona’ if you’re okay with that, and just my name if you aren’t, but please do not call me ‘hyung’ or ‘Jungsu’. ”

There was a beat of silence, before they all rushed to talk at once. The four of them scrambled to their feet, crowding around her to tell her how proud of her they were. How they would always accept her and that that was okay. It was okay for her to feel how she did.

Hyeongjun bowed to her, wearing a sad smile. “I’m sorry for suggesting a name that made you so unhappy.”

“There was no way you could have known,” she countered, eyes soft. “Besides, you know now.”

Nodding, Hyeongjun released a breath to calm his nerves, or perhaps to release his guilt. “I do. We do, and we’ll try extra hard to support you in all you do from now on. Support you in who you are. If any of us slip up, please remind us, and please don’t take it to heart. We don’t mean our mistakes, it will just take time to get used to it. It’s not purposeful.”

He was very shy, outsiders didn’t really understand just how good Hyeongjun was with words. It was one of the things Su loved the most about him, and it was something she would never take for granted. “Thank you, Hyeongjun. Thank you, all of you. You’ve made me… well, the happiest girl in the world.” Her cheeks flushed bright at her own words and almost hurt from how wide she was smiling.

“‘Extraordinary Heroes’,” Seungmin said suddenly. Everyone blinked at him for a second before he elaborated. “Our band name. It should be ‘Extraordinary Heroes’.”

“Why?” Jiseok asked. “Isn’t it a bit long?”

Seungmin stepped backwards, giving everyone room to see him. Then, excitement swelling in his eyes, he explained what his name idea meant. “Heroes can be the massive figures who have saved civilisations and fought diseases, but they can also be each of us. The smallest thing we do; helping someone out, giving someone a compliment, accepting someone as who they are,” he smiled directly at Su. “Those tiny things make us heroes. We are just ordinary people, but we are extraordinary as ourselves. So, we are ‘Extraordinary Heroes’.”

Su felt her heart soar. She felt so proud to be friends with such amazing people. The name was perfect, and looking around at her friends, she had a feeling they all felt the same.

“‘Xdinary Heroes’,” Jooyeon declared. “Shortened version of Extraordinary.”

Gunil beamed, “hands up for ‘Xdinary Heroes’?” Six hands shot up into the air. “Alright, it looks like our band is now called ‘Xdinary Heroes’.”

This was definitely the best day of Su’s life.

Chapter Text

The classroom door closed behind her, the click of the lock settling back into place giving her a fright. Even though her friends had been nothing but supportive of her coming out the day before, Su was still nervous to see them again. 'What if's' filled her mind to the point she had barely slept the night before.

It was a relief when Jiseok noticed her hesitation and waved her over to the desk the six of them shared. That was how they had all become friends; being placed at the same desk. Some of them - Seungmin and Su, and Jiseok and Jooyeon - had already been friends before that day.

Seungmin and Su used to do dancing when they were younger. Now Seungmin wasn't as interested, putting more effort into his schoolwork and his attempts at making music. Without her friend, Su felt uncomfortable there, so she stopped going as well.

Su didn't know how Jooyeon and Jiseok knew each other, but they recalled stories from their early childhood, so she assumed it was a long time. Gunil had lived in America until recently, so he didn't know any of them before that year. Hyeongjun was on the quiet side. He had never had many friends, which was part of the reason he was so nervous about getting close to the rest of the group in the beginning. But, eventually, they coaxed him out of his shell.

Su sat down in her seat and felt a strange sense of familiarity wash over her. It felt unnatural, like it was out of place. Everything had changed. She had finally told her friends everything. So why did sitting down in her usual seat feel so airily similar. It made her nervous. Shouldn't it be different now?

"Hey, Su," Gunil cut in, leaning across the desk to poke at her arm. "You alright? You seem tired..."

"Oh," she spluttered unintelligently out of a mixture of embarrassment and shock. It was embarrassing that her friends had noticed she was spacing out, and it shocked her Gunil had still used 'Su'. She scolded herself for worrying her friends wouldn't remember. "Yeah, I'm fine. I didn't sleep well last night, but it's okay."

Seungmin smiled softly at her. His eyes were so filled with emotion it almost made her skin crawl. "You were worried we wouldn't remember, weren't you Su-noona?"

She ducked her head, a light blush making it's way onto her cheeks. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologise, noona," Jooyeon gasped, throwing his arms around her shoulders. "It's fine!"

"Yeah," Jiseok nodded almost comically. "Just say if you are feeling like this again!"

Hyeongjun piped up, his voice soft but still loud enough for the group to hear. "You're the same, noona. The only difference is how we address you."

Su felt her heart melt. What did she ever do to deserve them? "Thank you guys so much. I feel silly for worrying now."

Gunil was the first to reply, though it looked as if they all wanted to. "Don't. You worried because this is an important thing for you. You were scared we wouldn't understand. I can't say that we completely do. We can't ever fully understand because all of us are cis. That doesn't mean we won't try. If we ever do something to make you uncomfortable, please say! We want to learn."

Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked across at them all. "Thank you. All of you, thank you so much. I really don't deserve you-"

"Of course you do!" The emotion in Seungmin's voice startled Su. "You deserve us, Su-noona."

The door of the classroom opened and the teacher emerged. She called the for class' attention and apologised for being late.

While the class was just settling and not yet quiet, Su said one last thing to her friends. It was important she said it, otherwise it would be on her mind for the rest of the class. "You are the best friends I've ever had. Truly, thank you. I don't know what I would do without you all."

Chapter Text

It had been a month since Su came out and Jiseok was jealous. He didn't really know why, but seeing her so happy as herself made him feel so uncomfortable. Each time they saw her, she looked slightly more feminine. She had started stealing pieces of jeweley and hairclips from her sister, and while they didn't do much, they did give her a slightly more female feel.

After a week of almost sleepless nights, Jiseok had had enough. He texted Su at almost 4 am asking - well, it was more like begging, but his tired mind hadn't quite registered that - how the hell she was able to figure herself out. It was a very vague message, one that made him feel kind of embarrassed when he woke up.

Su had already replied. She hadn't asked for any context, just sending a message inviting him over to her house that day. He reluctantly agreed, and that was how he found himself standing outside her house. His hands trembled as he tried to will himself to knock on the door.

His nerves were overwhelming, majority of his mind screaming at him to turn around and go home. Instead, he pulled out his phone and sent a message to Su to tell her he was there.

The door clicked open a moment later, swinging to reveal Su. She looked soft in the oversized hoodie and track pants she was wearing and it made Jiseok feel a bit better. Just seeing her was comforting.

"Hey," Su stepped aside to let him in.

"Hi, noona," Jiseok replied as he slipped off his shoes.

Her eyes widened. "O-oh, thanks Jiseok, but it's still 'hyung' at home," she whispered at him, eyes darting around the hall in the hopes no one heard.

Jiseok stood up, blush colouring his cheeks. "Sorry h-hyung, I forgot about that." He choked slightly on the honorific, the word feeling unnatural even after only a month of using 'noona'.

"It's okay," Su laughed nervously, scratching the back of her neck. Her hair had been growing out lately, and now it was almost reaching her shoulders. "Let’s go to my room."

As Jiseok followed Su up the stairs, her mother, Mrs Kim called out to him. "Hello, Jiseok!"

"Hi, Mrs Kim. Thank you for letting me come over," he called back before disappearing into the girl's bedroom.

Once the door was closed, Jiseok's nerves came back full force. Su was sitting on her bed, legs crossed and a smiling softly at him. Her room had three cream walls, one soft purple wall, and a pair of floral curtains. Her sister had redone her room a while ago, and Su insisted the curtains, pillows, and blankets she was planning on throwing away were still in great condition. She redecorated her own room using them, pretending to just be recycling.

His heart was beating out of his chest as he lowered himself onto the edge of her bed. "Jiseok," she started. Her voice was low in a way that made him feel slightly calmer. "What did you mean when you said I figured myself out?"

It made him feel slightly better that she hadn't started with a question about him. He wasn't even sure why. But even then, the question she had asked was more complicated then he felt he could answer. Instead he just fell back on her bed and stared at the ceiling. There were small glow in the dark stars stuck there. He traced the lines between them with his eyes, making his own constellations. "I don't know."

Su repositioned so she was lying beside him. Reaching an arm out, she elbowed him gently. "Yes you do." It was a statement. A chill ran down Jiseok's spine as he realised she knew what he meant. That was something even he didn't know himself, and he felt strange about her already knowing.

Pushing down his nerves, Jiseok decided to change the subject. It wasn't a big change, but it was something. "How long did it take you exactly to realise and accept you were a girl?"

She sighed, obviously not overjoyed with the change, but she let it go. "I knew my whole life, though it took a bit of time once I had heard the word 'transgender' to apply it to myself. A small part of me thought I would grow out of it. Or, rather, hoped I would. Because it's hard, and scary, and so overwhelming at first."

"Does everyone know they're trans their whole life?" The whispered question fell from his lips before he could even process what he was saying. His blush dyed his cheeks brightly, but he pushed past the nervousness.

Su took her time answering, letting herself find the right words. "No. While lots of people know, or at least have an idea, when they're young, there are so many who don't. Maybe you don't figure it out until puberty, or until you become an adult, or even until you start growing grey hairs. There's no set time for it." Her voice fell into a whisper, "you aren't a guy, are you?"

Jiseok turned his head to find her already looking at him. It felt like she could see him, and he wasn't sure how he felt about it, but no matter how overwhelming it felt, he couldn't look away. "I… I don’t know…"

The smallest smile curled onto her lips, her eyes filling with warmth. It was easy to tell Su understood his feelings completely. "Would it help at all if I called you using she/her pronouns to test?"

"Maybe," Jiseok exhaled. It was always so simple with Su.

"How is this," she tried. "I am here hanging out with Jiseok. She's one of my best friends in the world. She's skilled at writing lyrics, singing, and even amazing at guitar. She enjoys lots of kinds of music, including Nirvana and Foo Fighters. One of her favourites is Van Halen. I am really glad she's in my life."

Jiseok's mind was screaming. It didn’t feel wrong and it was confusing him… her? She pushed her palms against her face and screamed softly. It was overwhelming and perfect at the same time?

A hand rubbed softly against her arm. "Too much?" Su asked slowly, eyes shining with concern.

"Yes," Jiseok replied, her hands falling back to her sides. "And no? I don't know. I… prefer it to he/him… I think? I'm not sure. I think my brain has already started calling me with she/her though," she chuckled breathlessly.

"What about this," Su suggested. "I am hanging out with Jiseok. They are a really good friend of mine and an amazing musician. I am really privileged to know them. They are so sweet and kind to not only me but all of her friends."

It felt like Jiseok's brain was short circuiting. It felt so much more comfortable. He/him felt normal in a slightly uncomfortable way. She/her was better. But they/them felt perfect. Their breath came out shaky as they let is all wash over them.

A hand against their shoulder pulled them back to reality. "Hey, you alright?" Su was smiling, a kind of happiness glowing in her eyes.

"Yeah," Jiseok froze for a second, before rolling over and pulling her into a tight hug. "I think I am. Thank you. I think they/them is perfect. I think it’s me."

Su laughed softly. Gently. "I'm glad I could help." She pulled back to look in his eyes. "Please take your time with this, though. I know how exciting it can be when you realise it, but take a few days to sit with this."

Jiseok was nodding before Su had even finished. "Yes, of course! I understand. They/them feels perfect now, but in a week it may feel different."

"I'm proud of you, Jiseokie! You seemed so scared when you arrived, I'm happy you're more comfortable now." She sat up, tugging the other with her. "Okay, but let's talk about something lighter now. If you want to ask me anything else, feel free to! Right now, let’s just hang out for a bit.

Jiseok felt himself relax. This went so much better than they had expected. Tonight was going to be difficult, they were sure they wouldn't sleep, too busy thinking about the day. But now they felt comfortable. In that moment, they could let out a breath they didn't know they were holding. "Hey, I bet I can survive longer than you in minecraft!"

Su gasped melodramatically. "You're on!"

Chapter Text

Hyeongjun and Jooyeon always met up on Tuesdays and Thursdays after school at the library to study. They only took a few classes together, but it was a tradition. Seungmin helped out as a librarian on the first week of every month, so he would join them during his breaks on those days.

It was the second Tuesday of the month. The two of them had had their final classes together, before walking to the library side by side. As they walked, they discussed their class and what they needed to study that day.

As usual, Jooyeon had grabbed a hold of Hyeongjun’s hand somewhere along the way. The pair walked happily down the road, fingers interlocked and hearts light.

"Hey wait!" They were about a block from the library when Jooyeon suddenly started tugging Hyeongjun towards the town gardens. "The flowers are in bloom!"

Hyeongjun just followed along, having realised a while ago now it was no use to refuse him. Jooyeon didn't let go of the older’s hand as he dropped his school bag and dashed around a patch of soft green grass. The clearing was between a few different flower beds, brights flowers smiling at them from every direction.

Eventually, Jooyeon left Hyeongjun lying in the grass. He disappeared for a few moments before his head filled the older’s vision again. A small boutique of flowers hovered in front of Hyeongjun. The flowers were a mix of white and pink. They made the man smile, tucking them into the breast pocket of his school uniform.

They both fell against the grass again, lying beside each other with wonky smiles. It was the way their days together always went. They were best friends for a reason. It was always so easy and riddled with happiness.

It took them half an hour and a few raindrops to remember where they were supposed to be heading. Holding their bags above their heads, they ran the final block to the library. Pushing the door behind them closed, they were quickly shushed by the librarians on duty for being too loud. Stifling their laughter, they made their way to the place they always sat. At the very back there were a couple of tables for students to study at. They both dropped into chairs at the final table.

They took out their books, flicking to the pages they were supposted to have learnt by tomorrow. Just as they were about to begin, though, someone stopped them.

A girl about their age stepped up to their table, her friend peering over her shoulder. Jooyeon recognised her from one of his classes. "Can we help you?" he asked.

She smiled widely, nodding quickly. "Yes, actually! I was wondering if I could get your number." Jooyeon blinked, slightly taken aback. His hesitation caught her attention, as she jumped to clarify what she said. "I mean I want to go out on a date with you."

Jooyeon seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in, shoulders slumping as he smiled apologetically at her. "Sorry. You seem really nice, but I'm just not interested right now."

The girl's friend tugged at her sleeve. "See," she hissed, "I told you they're together. Let's go."

"Wait," Jooyeon frowned, "what do you mean 'they're together'?"

Both of the girls stopped. They shared a look before the friend stepped forward, waving between the two best friends. "The two of you are together? It's so obvious. I told Miji she didn't have a chance, but she wanted to try anyway."

Hyeongjun could feel his cheeks burning at the accusation. Him and Jooyeon? No way… His heart was pounding out of his chest.

Jooyeon spluttered, not quite sure how to respond. "Oh… no, no, we aren't together. We're just friends…" even as he said it his voice died in his throat.

The girl who had approached them - Miji - just sighed. "No, it's okay. I understand. You don't want to hurt my feelings, but it's fine! I'm happy for the both of you. You're both so cute together." She bowed politely, before both girls turned to leave.

An uncomfortable silence streached between the two boys. It was never uncomfortable between them, and neither of them knew what to do to fix it. Jooyeons eyes moved down to the small bunch of flowers in the older’s shirt pocket. 'How are we not together?' his mind asked, but he quickly shut down that train of thought.

Hyeongjun followed the younger’s eyes to the flowers. He closed his books and pushed them back in his bag. "Actually," he whispered, "I just, uhm, remembered that I have to be home early tonight for, ah…"

Jooyeon rolled his eyes, the awkward smile on his lips feeling out of place. He turned away as well, packing up his things. "It’s ok, I understand. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah… yeah." Hyeongjun bowed slightly as ue edged away. "See you tomorrow."

He was gone before Jooyeon could even blink. He fell back against his chair sighing heavily. That one thought he had been repressing resurfaced. 'How are we not together?'

Chapter Text

"Oppa…" Jungwon whined, tugging at her sister's sleeve. "I'm bored. Do you wanna do something with me?"

Su shrugged her off, glaring at her. "You have homework, Won. Don't think you're fooling me! Just because Mum and Dad are out doesn’t mean you can get away with it." She stood up, turning her sister around and pushing her out of her bedroom.

Before Su could slip away, Jungwon grabbed her wrist and started dragging her downstairs and towards the living room. "Hey! What are you doing?"

Won rolled her eyes, letting her wrist go and turning to face her. It took Su a few seconds to stop glaring at Jungwon to actually look around the room. The couch was set up with blankets and pillows. There were bowls of popcorn and lollies on the coffee table and the Netflix search bar was sitting on the TV screen. "What's this?"

Jungwon shrugged. "You seemed stressed lately, or something. You have been acting different than usual, more tense, and I wanted to try and help you relax. We can talk if you want, but I figured you'd prefer to just watching something with me. If you want to talk we can, though." She grabbed the blankets and started trying to prepare the couch more, but stopped and looked back at her sister. "Oh, and don't worry, I have actually finished my homework."

The words slipped past Su’s lips before she could even think. "I'm transgender."

Jungwon froze, blinking slowly at her. "You're…?"

Su sighed. This definitely wasn’t how she wanted to that. "I'm a girl, Won. I mean, I feel like a girl, compared to a boy."

"Oh." Jungwon nodded. Her movements were small, her brain too full of thoughts to control her body as well. Su gave her time to think everything through, wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans. Eventually, Jungwon let out a breath, seeming to come back to reality. "Oh!" She instantly stepped forward to envelop the girl into a tight hug. "I guess I should apologise for saying 'oppa' then?"

Su barked out a laugh, wrapping her arms around her sister's back. "It's alright, I know you didn't know."

"And now I do."

"And now you do."

Chapter Text

"Jungsu!" her mother called, knocking loudly at her bedroom door. The girl cringed at her deadname before getting up to let the older woman inside. Mrs Kim smiled at her daughter, ushering downstairs in the direction of the door. "Hyeongjun’s here to see you. He wanted me to make sure you were free and okay to talk to him now."

Su blinked. 'Why was he here?' They had seen each other only a few hours ago at school. She nodded, making her way down to the front door. Sure enough, there was Hyeongjun. He looked nervous, fiddling his fingers and picking at some dried skin around his nails. "Hey Jun, what's up?"

He startled, looking up at her with wide eyes. "A-are you free now?"

"Yeah, of course. Come on in."

The pair made their way up stairs again. Once Su’s bedroom door was closed securely again, Hyeongjun bowed deeply. "I'm sorry, noona. I'm sorry but I used your deadname and called you 'hyung' in front of your mother."

Su sat down on her bed, smiling at the younger. "That's okay, Jun. I haven’t told her yet, so that's good." Hyeongjun seemed adamant not to be the one who talked first, staring at the wall in complete silence. Su sighed, giving in. "What's up, Jun. Why are you here?"

Hyeongjun was quiet for a second, thinking everything through before taking a breath and asking something that completely caught Su off guard. "What's your sexuality?"

She blinked. "Oh. Well, I'm lesbian. I like girls, same as always." Su shook off her shock and tried to smile at the younger. "Sorry, I forgot we haven't spoken about that yet. I just kind of assumed it was obvious. Did something happen? Ohh, do you want to talk about girls?"

"No, I was kind of wanting to talk about boys…" The words slipped past Hyeongjun’s lips so softly Su wasn't sure she even heard him right. First Jiseok, now Hyeongjun? She was so convinced her friends were all cishet…

Maybe that was just on her for assuming.

"We can still talk about boys even if I'm not straight," she hummed. "Why do you want to? Did you fall for a guy?"

Hyeongjun’s reaction was so fast and sudden, Su's heart almost jumped out of her chest. He collapsed heavily against her side, arms wrapping around her like an octopus. He huffed out a sigh. "Jooyeon," he whined, voice muffled against Su's shirt.

"Huh?" she grunted unintelligently. "Jooyeon? Oh, did he fall for someone?"

"No…" Hyeongjun pushed himself up again, pouting. He didn't make eye contact with her, staring holes into her pillow instead. "I like Jooyeon. I mean I think I do! I'm not sure yet." He let out a loud groan. "I think I have for a while now, actually. I just never thought about it until yesterday…" Hyeongjun let his voice taper off.

Su blinked. "Oh," she started slowly, thinking back to earlier that day. “That's why you two were kind if awkward today?" The younger did nothing more than nod quickly. Su gave herself time to process everything before speaking again. “There’s nothing wrong with liking Joo if you do. He’s a really sweet guy and you both get along so well.”

“But we’re friends!” Hyeongjun’s pout deepend, “and he’s straight.”

She just poked his arm. “So were you?” Su laughed at his sour glare. “Look, Jun, what I’m trying to say is whatever you feel for him, I’m sure he feels it back. Trust me, as your queer friend, if you like him, he likes you. I never really thought about it before, but you’re both inseparable in every way. It would be crazy for one of you to fall without the other.”

His voice was softer than Su had ever heard it, “this isn’t a game, noona. I could lose him.”

Those two sentences broke both of their hearts. Hyeongjun started to cry, tears bubbling down his cheeks as it finally hit him how badly he had messed up falling for his best friend. He couldn’t even deny it anymore. While he didn’t know what his sexuality was yet, he definitely wasn’t straight.

Su cried as well, but her tears were more empathetic than anything else. She could tell just how much pain the younger was in, so she held him against her chest and ran a hand through his hair. What else could she do?

Chapter Text

illie-hyung: hey joo, you alright?

Joojoo: ???

illie-hyung: you just seemed a little bit off the last few days at school

illie-hyung: also i heard you didnt go study with hyeongjun last night

Joojoo: ohh

Joojoo: its okayy, everything is fine

Joojoo: we are both just tired right now (^----^)

illie-hyung: i hope youve both been resting well then

illie-hyung: and if something did happen then you can always talk to me

Joojoo: thanks hyungie

Joojoo: you tooo

Joojoo: youve had a crush before, right?

illie-hyung: huh? yea i have

Joojoo: okayy so how do you go about telling them you have a crush on them?

illie-hyung: i have never confessed before joo so im not sure

illie-hyung: i guess its different per person, but for me id just spend some time with them and then say it once i feel comfortable with them

Joojoo: hmm ok

illie-hyung: do you have a crush joo?

Joojoo: yea

illie-hyung: can i ask who??

Joojoo: ahhh no sorry

Joojoo: i can tell you after i confess but i dont want to now

illie-hyung: okay

Joojoo: can i tell you my idea for confessing and you give me feedback?

illie-hyung: yeah of course go ahead

Joojoo: ok so

Joojoo: we hang out together maybe in the weekend and go to the flower gardens in town. i went there a few days ago and theyre really beautiful right now. ill bring some food - maybe sandwiches and juice? - and we can eat together before i tell them

Joojoo: then hopefully they say yes

illie-hyung: thats so sweet joo!!!

illie-hyung: im sure shes gonna love it

Joojoo: hmm yea me too

Joojoo: just depends if they like me or not

illie-hyung: i get the feeling i shouldnt comment on your use of gender neutral pronouns

Joojoo: well that was a comment right there wasnt it?

illie-hyung: oh sorryy

Joojoo: its ok

Joojoo: and um yea

Joojoo: this person isnt exactly a girl

Joojoo: ah hes a boy

Joojoo: i like a boy

illie-hyung: sorry i kind of forced you to tell me that

Joojoo: its alright haha

illie-hyung: thank you for telling me tho

illie-hyung: message me how it all goes

illie-hyung: ill be here wishing you all the best

Joojoo: thank you

Joojoo: i havent actually told anyone yet so it feels nice your supportive

Joojoo: ill go ask him now haha /.\

illie-hyung: fighting!!!!

------

Hyeongjun poked at the now dying flowers. After they met up on tuesday, he had gone home to set them up in a small cup of water on his desk. Unfortunately, they had run to the end of their lives, petals becoming blackened and curling in on themselves as they gazed down at the ground.

His phone vibrated, catching his attention. Looking over, he saw one new notification.

Jooyeonie♡: hey jun, wanna go to the flower garden again tomorrow?

Chapter Text

Gunil lay back against his bed with a sigh. He felt glad Jooyeon could tell him, depite his being a bit forced. He was so bad at knowing what to say when it came to LGBTQ+ people. Somehow he felt like he always messed his words up.

He had talked to Su about it. She seemed to believe he wasn't as bad as he thought. She said he was doing well. The compliment had made him blush.

That had been happening a lot lately. Su making a comment - a regular comment, same as she always used to before she came out - but Gunil would blush in a way he hasn't in a long while.

Gunil wasn't stupid, he could tell a crush when it hit him, but he wasn't sure what he felt about liking Su. Sure, she was a beautiful girl, but they were friends. They had been friends since long before Su was even a she.

(He supposed she had always been a she. It was only him who thought she was a he.)

Rolling over, Gunil pushed his face into his pillow. He wanted to scream. What was he supposed to think? Did he even truly like her? What would it be like to kiss her? Would he enjoy it? The blush settling across his cheeks answered his question for him.

A sharp beep cut through his thoughts. Gunil reached out to grab his phone.

jiseokie: hey, are you free to call now?

Without replying, Gunil pressed the call button on his phone. Jiseok was definitely someone who needed a lot of attention, but he usually didn't ask to call unless he was down about something.

"Hey," Gunil said as soon as the call connected. "You alright?"

"Su's busy," Jiseok mumbled. "I need to talk to her and she's busy." The tears on his cheeks were clear in his voice.

Gunil felt his heart break at his friend's voice. "Hey, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

Jiseok sniffled loudly through the call. "I figured it out..." he said barely louder than a whisper.

"What did you figure out, Jiseokie?" the older asked, trying to portray a smile through his voice. He wanted to sooth the younger.

"Gunil..." another sniffle broke through the receiver. "I-I'm non-binary. I use they/them pronouns, but I-I don't mind she/her or he/him. I-I wanna tell Su b-but she's busy..." Gunil opened his mouth to respond, but Jiseok cut him off. "It's so interesting actually. L-looking back, I mean. Seeing your whole life through new eyes. The times I cried because I had to go into the boys changing rooms and how I envied girl's beauty. There are so many memories and moments that scream it so loudly. That scream 'I am non-binary'. How did it take me this long to realise?" they asked sourly. It was a rhetorical question thankfully, because Gunil didn't even know how to start that.

"Jiseok," he started, before pausing. "Can I call you that?" After receiving a hum in confirmation, he continued. "I don't know what to say to make you feel better, but I love you. Okay? I love you and I will always support you. Thank you for trusting me enough to come out. You're you, regardless of what your gender is. I love you, Jiseokie."

Silence dripped through the line, but as Gunil opened his mouth to say more, a laugh fell into his ear. Jiseok's signature giggle that drew a smile to the older's lips regardless of his emotions. "I love you too, Gunil. Thank you for listening to me ramble. I was so worried," he finished with a sniffle.

"Always, 'Seokie," he slurred, the whole conversation throwing him a bit off kilter. He was smiling though, so he assumed it was all alright.

Jiseok shifted around on the other end. "I should get going now. Thank you for talking. I'm gonna come out to the others soon, so please can we keep this between us right now? And Su, of course."

"Yeah sure. It's always your secret to tell," Gunil said. He knew that for sure.

Chapter Text

The flowers were still in bloom when Hyeongjun arrived the next day. It was the weekend, so the park was filled with young families and excited garden lovers. He made his way to one of the benches across from the rose section and shot a text message off to Jooyeon.

jun<3: im by the roses on a bench there

Jooyeonie♡: okay, ill be there in a few minutes!!

A few minutes turned into half an hour. Hyeongjun was almost considering going home when Jooyeon rounded the corner, wheezing loudly. He jogged over to the bench, shakily holding out a box of chocolates. Hyeongjun's favourites.

"The supermarket didn't have any, so I had to go on a search," he explained, dropping heavily down beside the guitarist. "Sorry for making you wait."

Hyeongjun held the chocolates in his hands, feeling his cheeks burn and his stomach flip. "Y-you didn't have to get these," he stammered softly.

"I did." Jooyeon sighed, running a hand through his hair. "They're either an apology for what's to come, or a gift to prove my statement."

The other felt his eyebrows curve down into a frown. "What do you-" he started to ask, but was cut off.

"Just give me a second." Jooyeon shifted around, facing more towards Hyeongjun. He cleared his throat and took another deep breath. "Things have been awkward lately. Since, well, that girl said we were dating. I wanted to talk about that."

Hyeongjun ducked his head. That was the last thing he wanted to discuss right now. Instead, "okay," was all he said. If Jooyeon wanted to talk about it, then they would talk about it. Boy, Hyeongjun was whipped.

"I want to lay everything out on the table," Jooyeon decided. His voice was sure, but lined with an edge of nervousness. "I thought a lot about this the last few days, and I have realised I don't care."

That... was an answers Hyeongjun had expected. He didn't know how to react. He wanted to cry, but was that appropriate? Still, the corners of his eyes burned with unshed tears. "Okay."

Jooyeon froze. "Wait, I didn't finish! Agh, I knew I wouldn't explain it well." Hyeongjun looked up at him through his fringe, trying to hide his watery eyes as best he could. "What I mean is I don't care about the thought of us together. Like, it doesn't bother me. The more I thought, the more I realised it's just you. The thought of dating Gunil or Seungmin or Su or Jiseok kind of makes me feel disgusted, but dating you feels... good. I want that.

"I honestly already live my life like we are dating. I depend on you, and I spend all of my time with you. I put effort into being with you and try to dress nicely just for you." He took a shaky breath. "What I'm trying to say is that I like you. You don't have to like me back, but I-"

Hyeongjun pulled him into a hug. He burried his head in the crook of his neck and mumbled against his skin. "'M ike oo too."

Running his hands up and down the other's back, Jooyeon smiled to himself. "I'm glad. I was... really worried honestly. Maybe that's why I freaked out about having the chocolates. You mean the world to me, Jun. I'm not sure what I'd do without you."

Leaning back just enough, Hyeongjun moved his head from it's position. He pressed his lips to Jooyeon's cheek, the touch soft. They both blushed at the action. "Let's head to the library, yea?" he suggested quietly. "The flowers are beautiful, but we can sit at the back together there and, I don't know, share a book or something."

Jooyeon chuckled. He planted a kiss on the other's forehead, before dragging him up by his hand. "Sounds like a plan. We can share headphones as well. I have a few new songs to show you."

As they walked, Hyeongjun asked softly, "are we boyfriends now?"

"If that's what you want," Jooyeon replied.

"Yea," the older settled on after a moment, a wide smile breaking out across his face. "I do want that."

Chapter Text

Joojoo: HE SAID YES!!!

Joojoo: omfg i have a boyfriend

Joojoo: hYUNG I HAVE A BOYFRIEND

illie-hyung: thats so great joo!!

illie-hyung: im glad he felt the same way

Joojoo: he said i could tell you who he isss

illie-hyung: oh??

Joojoo: my bf is hyeongjun :P

Joojoo: were dating noww

Joojoo: IM SO EXCITED

illie-hyung: woahh :O

illie-hyung: im surprised i never saw that coming

illie-hyung: congratulations jooyeon!

illie-hyung: and hyeongjun too!!

Joojoo  changed their name to  JoojooHasABf

Joojoo  changed  illie-hyung 's name to  GunilHasNoGf

JoojooHasABf: :D

GunilHasNoGf: joo...

JoojooHasABf: sorry sorry! haha

GunilHasNoGf  changed their name to  illie-hyung

JoojooHasABf: can i ask hyungie,, do you have a crush??

illie-hyung: i dont know if i want to talk about this right now joo

JoojooHasABf  changed their name to  Joojoo

Joojoo: are you okay?

Joojoo: im sorry if im being too much

illie-hyung: no its alright

illie-hyung: youre excited, i get it

illie-hyung: ill be honest,,

illie-hyung: i have a crush on someone

illie-hyung: but its complicated

Joojoo: can i ask how so?

illie-hyung: uhh

illie-hyung: ok

illie-hyung: ok!

illie-hyung: its su

illie-hyung: i like su

Joojoo: AWW

Joojoo: hows that complicated tho?

Joojoo: cuz shes trans and youre straight?

illie-hyung: yea :/

Joojoo: do you see her as a man or a woman?

illie-hyung: woman of course

Joojoo: there, problem solved :3

illie-hyung: joo..

Joojoo: talk to herrr!!!

Joojoo: you need to talk to her about it

Joojoo: thats the only advice i can give

illie-hyung: i guess

illie-hyung: when did you get to wise??

Joojoo: didnt you hear??

Joojoo: i have a boyfriend now

Joojoo: that makes me qualified to answer your queries

Joojoo: 😌😌

illie-hyung: haha

illie-hyung: thanks joo

illie-hyung: and congratulations again

Joojoo: YAYY