Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Buggy had a bad life.

And at least when he was alone, with the night watching over him, he could acknowledge that.

And he also could say, without hesitation, that he lived longer than he was supposed to.

He lived long enough to see the first ever Pirate king’s fall (His father in all but blood) and he lived long enough to see the second Pirate king with his smiles and glory (The son of his childhood friend, in all but blood- of his nakama.). So when death came to his door asking for him in the form of a pirate holding the gun with kairoseki bullets to Buggy’s first mate’s head, he mentally welcomed it with all the grace of an exhausted man.

In the end, he had many regrets, if he was being honest with himself.

His first regret was Shanks, but he didn’t know if he was regretting ever meeting him or if he was regretting not being with him until their last moment.

But he was scared, at the time, right after they watched their captain’s death and Shanks asked (begged) him to be a part of his crew - Buggy was frightened. Scared of all the monsters he unknowingly surrounded himself with and all the monsters or emperors that would screw him over if he ever, ever let a king in his heart again.

Because Buggy never really understood his captain like the others on their ship seemed to understand. He never looked at his eyes that screamed possessive rage and let himself think of other things instead of: “Ah, he is the king of the monsters.” But for all that counted, he loved him, just like the touch starved kid he was. Maybe even loved him too much for his own good.

But Roger was kind in ways that Buggy was never familiar with. He would pat their hair when they did something good and would hug or laugh with them if they got themselves in trouble. It was so different from the streets, from the curses and kicks. From all the things young Buggy would associate with grown men.

And besides all that shit, who would dare to not love Roger when he makes up his mind about loving them? His loud laughs, his childishness on unimportant things, his smile when he says ‘I got this!’, all his lovable personality he only showed when he was with his ‘special people’. ( Ignoring he would always take, take and take-.)

Buggy was in awe of him and even with that he always knew that it was a losing battle.

Because Roger was different when his feelings were at the top, either it be happiness or anger or even fondness. His gaze would fill with want and hunger- all the things Buggy started to associate with Kings and emperors. And yeah, maybe it was not harmful to them, to their Nakama. But Buggy hated to be on the receiving end of a monster’s gaze, even if the only thing that gaze did was scream ‘Mine- mine- mine-mine’. like a greedy man looking at his treasure.

Shanks would always seem happy when he was the receiving end of that gaze but to Buggy it was frightening.

Because Buggy was not a monster, never wanted to be one of them, never wanted to laugh until the screams of ‘no!’ turned into ‘okay.’ like other monsters seemed to like to do. Because that acceptance it’s what you do when someone doesn’t care about your opinion, just wants you to be theirs to love, theirs to raise, theirs to thrive. Buggy would know, would always remember. After all that was what his monster of a Captain did to them, him and Shanks. He laughed and laughed and never took no as an answer.

Never even give them the choice really.

And maybe Shanks understands his Captain more than him, maybe because of that he easily forgot how that love once felt like a cage. Maybe he can wrap his mind around that selfishness and think ‘Ah, I wanna be like him!’ but Buggy can’t.

And Buggy loves his captain with all his heart, he is his Captain after all. Loves his fond smiles and soothing voice, loves his words, loves his actions, loves his haki signature… Buggy loves him. Just like a father he never gets to have.

But once, he loved him like a prisoner loving his captor, because he can’t escape, because they don’t want him to. Because a D.’s will is always stronger than any chains and their gaze is stronger than any threats.

(And maybe years later, when he heard just how Ace was ‘adopted’ by Whitebeard, when he heard how desperately he fought for freedom for hundred days from Marco’s drunk mumbles- if he seethed and cursed and punched, nobody needed to know. All they needed to know was Ace was his Captain’s son and nobody had the right to make him feel that defeated.)

Buggy would rather die in pain than to be like him for even a second.

Shanks was too similar to Roger for Buggy’s comfort. Their laugh carried the familiar feeling of recklessness, their swordsmanship carried the same blood seeking feeling, and their gaze when they looked at something they wanted carried the same hunger.

And Buggy adores Shanks,he really really does, he is red to Buggy’s blue, he is energy to Buggy’s calm, and he is the laughter to Buggy’s bad days.

And maybe that’s the problem.

Because Buggy is not a king, never will be- and Shanks has the potential to be Buggy’s king if he ever lets him.

And Buggy would never.

So he makes a choice and a promise. In Loguetown, he looks at the child he was raised with, lets his eyes linger on the desperate want in his gaze and says: “I would never.”

And maybe he doesn’t regret the promise, because he would never, but sometimes he regrets choosing to never get in contact with him on purpose.

He regrets leaving him all alone.

Because yeah, everything would be so much better if he never met him in the first place- but that’s too far back to truly regret it.

His first regret about his life was Shanks. (And even though he sometimes feared their Captain, he would never manage to regret anything about him- because he was the king of Buggy, his Captain.)

Others came close enough- his regrets were filled with people he wronged in some way or got wronged by after all. But never on the same level as Shanks.

Just like how he was regretting not being there when Ace, his Captain’s kid, was a child. How he was not there to stop the boy from falling into that desperate self-hatred. Like how he regretted never being able to tell him about his mother- a woman that took one look at him in his youth and all but took him under her wing.

Just like how regretted everything but Roger about Roger’s crew. His over-dependence on Rayleigh, His undeserved trust on Crocus- and everything about them was a regret really.

They only saw his cowardliness, never his intelligence. They only saw his non-existent control over his devil fruit, never his control on haki.

They only saw a trembling child, never stopped to understand why the ever loving fuck that child was trembling like a leaf.

Monsters were always like that. And Buggy never belonged with them.

Even his regrets were proof of it, because monsters were monsters- all their lifetime they had only one or two regrets.

Buggy had hundreds.

Buggy was just a human trying to run from the shadows of a man he loved so much and feared just the same.

It was a losing battle from the start.

His blood covered his vision and all he could hear was his first mate’s terror filled screams.

Chapter Text

When he first jumped in front of that bullet, he never dreamed of waking up again.

Unlike Strawhats, he did not have a freakishly good doctor, and he did not have the will of D. to keep him alive until an ordinary doctor, his doctor arrived. So he was completely sure he was supposed to be dead and his ashes supposed to be in the sea he loved so much.

But he could feel his body, could hear a snore and could feel the chill of the night in his bones.

He didn’t understand.

When he was fed up with having questions and not having answers he opened his eyes and felt his body halt. The room was still too dark but Buggy could figure out where he was with just one glance. Too many memories happened here for him to not to.

His home, Ora Jackson.

With all the corners of her he learned by heart since his childhood, with his first and most important regret snoring just underneath his hammock- Was this his personal heaven? but all the good he did would never surpass all the bad things he did. He was pirate for fucks sake!

Hell, then?

But Oro Jackson could never be hell- because Oro Jackson meant everything to him, meant home, meant-

Roger.

He sat up straight at that. Looked at the other hammock and saw Shank’s chest up and fall with every breath he took and felt himself tense even more.

Before he died, because he was sure he died -nobody could have dreamed of something like that realistically- Shanks was long dead. Died at the hands of Kidd’s, years after Shanks cut off his arm clean. Because apparently, the bastard named Kidd could hold a damn grudge and would do anything for his revenge including betraying Strawhat’s trust.

Not that he lived long enough to feel the satisfaction of his revenge, Shanks’s first mate and Strawhat dealt with him accordingly.

But the point is, Shanks was dead. Supposed to be dead. And his, their, Captain was also supposed to be dead.

Buggy also supposed to be dead.

Does that mean he was also alive, or maybe not alive? He was still not sure what was currently happening but… could Roger be here at least?

Buggy wanted to know, wanted to see.

All of his bone deep tiredness left him just for a moment at the thought of seeing his captain, his king, his father again.

(All his fear of him left just for a moment, at the thought of seeing him again.)

He left the hammock and the room with all the quickness he didn’t possess before the thought of seeing his Captain crossed his mind

He ran like there were thousands of marines following him, all quiet and quick. Practiced. Passing all the corridors he memorized a lifetime ago, feeling his every heartbeat and every breath he took. His thoughts were only filled with a crushing need to see his father. The man he feared and loved the most. The only monster he would get near without letting himself feel the regret of it.

His Captain, the king of all monsters and the only reason he survived his childhood. (He was deeply traumatized but alive and that was all because of him. Both of it.)

He found himself on his door almost in no time. He was filled with dread and a weird feeling of impatience. At a normal time, he would stop in front of that door and hesitate a bit- because after years of grief, on the other side there could be Captain, all his smile and soothing voice. If his brain was not filled with a repeat of ‘need to see, need to see, need to see…’ he would stop and think more about it.

But that was not today. Not when he was still confused about what was exactly happening. So he knocked on that door without stopping to think, all his dread and impatience left their place to a gentle hope.

Like a flame just a second away from dying.

In no time, there were noises on the other side of the door, a sleepy grunt and a sound of something falling. His heart was beating like crazy and he was sure he was trembling all over because that voice, that voice was painfully familiar.

The door opened and Buggy felt his heart fail him.

In front of him stood the man he cried for, grieved for, - His hat and his other signatures were nowhere to be seen. Buggy was glad for it. Because with them Roger was an echo of the past and future, and without them he was just his father. Not that he called him that to his face but it was not like he could read Buggy’s mind, right? To be honest, it didn’t matter much. He was dead- both of them were dead.

Even though it didn’t looked like that now.

His Captain’s face was first filled with confusion then concern and all Buggy could think of was how he missed this man.

He was still tall like he remembered, still standing strong like he remembered, his confused smile still made him feel like everything was going to be okay like he remembered. (He didn’t want to think about the flaws, not about the Edd war, not about his reaction to Buggy’s first kill, not how he abandoned them without a second thought- he didn’t want to think about them, not until he was ready for the fall down.)

He was still the same man he remembered and Buggy wanted to cry.

He tried to relearn and memorize everything he could about his Captain. He had laughing lines on his face. A small mole around his nose, and his hair was a different shade; it was a bit darker then he remembered. Also his nose was also bigger than he remembered.

Buggy was slowly forgetting his Captain’s face and he wouldn’t notice it if he wasn’t in front of him.

Buggy wanted to cry so badly- Roger was trying to say something, Buggy could see his lips move but couldn’t for the life of him figure out what he was trying to say. It left him even more overwhelmed because what the heck? Now he couldn’t even focus on his Captain’s words, what failure of a crewmate he was.

When the first drop of tear fell down from his eyes Roger freaked out, Buggy could easily see it on his face and fuck he missed this. He was checking his temperature- asking some things that fell deaf on his ears. (“Buggy!? Kid, what the fuck? Are you injured? What happened? What are you doi- Buggy?!! Stop-stop crying!!”) And he was looking like he was trying to wake up the whole ship while shouting (“Crocus!! get your ass here motherfucker!! Or Rayleigh!! Or anybody! I’m not good for… for whatever this is!”) when Buggy’s hands warped around his torso and the little silent repetitive “Captain” left Buggy’s lips like he was praying. (Roger stopped shouting real quick after that- because there was a clear edge of grief in Buggy’s voice and Roger didn’t know why. Roger didn’t know why one of his apprentices was crying like he was breaking down. He was supposed to know.)

Unaware of the chaos the ship was in, when his captain lifted him to air and carried him inside his room, Buggy let go of everything for the first time since Loguetown. First time since his Captain committed suicide with other people’s swords and first time since the little king he was raised with all but begged him for something Buggy would never do.

But this time, this time Captain was here.

Captain hugged him and said somethings in hushed words while he was crying ugly tears- silent but filled with unbearable sadness. There were several things he had to process, like how he was sure that he died- while protecting his first mate like a proper captain. Like how, this all thing: Oro Jackson, Captain, Shanks and the feeling of aliveness and content on other crew-members haki signatures and how it was impossible by normal means. Oro Jackson was in ruins the last time he saw her, Captain died- he saw it and he saw what it bringed to the world, Shanks was dead too - little stupid Strawhat came himself to say it to him and for all his stupid Strawhat was not a liar, and haki signatures of others was fucking impossible- last he heard most of them were dead but few who lived were rotten from sadness and grief and their haki always mirrored it.

It was impossible and Buggy needed to figure out what was happening real quick before he let himself get more emotional.

But for the first time in his life, Buggy couldn’t care less about other things, about safe routines. Here, with his Fathers arms wrapped around him, nothing truly mattered.

Buggy clinged him like a life line and maybe, he was.

He actually remembered doing something similar when he was still a child, after that clusterfuck the Edd war was- waking up after a nightmare and finding himself in the arms of the man that started it all.

He hated it and loved it at the same time.

Then Buggy came to himself, painfully slow, calmed down with the help of two big hands holding him close to a precious heartbeat.

Everything was too real.

A few minutes passed them until his Captain spoke and jesus christ Buggy missed his voice too-

“Are you okay now, Buggy?” all soft voice and kind hands on his back.

No, he was definitely not. He still needed to figure out what was happening and he was confused. Confused as hell. Captain’s heart was beating, he could hear it. And Buggy also heard Shanks snore and saw how his chest moved with every breath he took when he fist woke up. And Oro Jackson was, in fact, in perfect condition- not in ruins like how Buggy last saw her. Adding to the facts, Buggy speared his observation haki to the ship almost instinctively when he woke up, he sensed others- alive and asleep and fucking content out of all things.

His mind was working overdrive and crazy theories started to put down roots in his brain.

What if he time traveled? Was it really possible?

If this was somehow real, his earlier fit would look suspicious as fuck to his Captain.

“Sorry for waking you up, Captain. I’m fine now.” Roger raised a single eyebrow and looked at him more seriously than before. Buggy’s body tensed against his will and he cursed on his mind. Buggy was a good liar, years of living in the streets and piracy kinda forced him to. And even with that, lying to Roger would always be hard. Especially when he was already suspicious.

And then the door to Captain’s room kicked open.

There stood Rayleigh with his sword, a panicked expression on his face instead of the casual smirk he usually carried.

“Roger! Are you injured? What happened!” and then he blinked and just… looked at them. At that point, Buggy had thrown himself from his Captain’s lap and settled beside him instead. Still closer than normal but not close enough to warrant suspicion to the fact that Roger was comforting him.

And then some look that screamed ‘I’m-so-done-with-this’ crossed Rayleigh’s face

“Why the hell you were screaming that hard if it was only Buggy, you idiot!” He had a very bad case of bed hair, his face was red with anger. He looked quite ridiculous and Buggy was so going to laugh at this when he was done freaking out about everything, and actually had a plan, and had time he could afford to waste.

“We thought something fucking happened when you screamed for Crocus like you were dying!”

Then his anger turned towards Buggy, clearly disappointed. Buggy internally scoffed, it was not a surprise Rayleigh was always disappointed with him. “And I thought you were more clever than this, Buggy. You are the one with the ‘common sense’ you always bragged about, why the fu-hell did you let this idiot scream in the middle of the night for our doctor when clearly no one was injured?”

Now that the door was open, they could hear the chaos outside more clearly- (Shanks voice was the loudest and the most panicked one “Gaban, Buggy is not here! He is not here, I can’t find him anywhere!’ followed by Gaban’s loud curses and Momora’s loud screams, which Yui’s deadpan voice cut through with an “Over-dramatic much?”… and then more screams-)

Chapter Text

There was something about Rayleigh that looked… healthier. Instead of gray, his hair was blond, too short, reaching to the end of his neck when it ought to be reaching the middle of his back in a ponytail, gray and definitely not blond.

Buggy was not ready, he really really was not ready to face the crew.

His feelings about them all were complicated. Buggy hadn’t talked to any of them in years, didn’t even attend some of their funerals because he was a pitiful petty coward like that. He didn’t want to accept some things or forgive some things or forget some things. (Because they abandoned them, Captain died and they all forgot about two children that looked at them for protection, and Buggy was fucking bitter and he thought he had to right to be so but- but everything was a mess now. )

He was just a coward, always was always will.

And he still wasn’t ready to face them because-

Because Rayleigh looked happy, even with that ‘end-my-suffering’ look he was giving them, he looked happy. So different from the future, because Buggy knew that even Shakky’s best efforts were not enough to truly matter: in the future, in the end, that happiness was lost- six deep with their king. And Buggy knew it. He did not directly speak with Rayleigh for years and even he knew it.

His happiness, the look on his eyes like he was comfortable in own skin, was jarring to see or feel. Rayleigh’s haki was no longer filled with bitterness like he remembered sensing from afar in sabaody, his haki felt much more free in a way that wasn’t for years.

All because of one man.

Not that Buggy couldn’t sympathize.

Captain looked relieved when he saw Rayleigh but his face quickly changed when he realized what his first mate said. “Hey, don’t go blaming Buggy! He was not in a condition to do anything.”

(It was Sunbell’s turn to be the loudest but Buggy couldn’t exactly make up what he was saying, too focused on Roger’s voice.)

“What are you talking about?”

Rayleigh face turned to Buggy so fast and he startled hard at the sudden move while Rayleigh’s eyes quickly searched for an injury, he looked worried and panicked for second and that was weird as hell because Buggy could swear that Rayleigh didn’t give a single flying fuck about him when he was younger.

It was weird, and all he could do was to bury himself closer to his Captain, trying to make himself smaller.

Rayleigh took notice of his behavior and his face pitched with genuine confusion.

It only served to make Buggy even more tense.

Then, “What happened, Roger?” said Rayleigh but his eyes didn’t leave Buggy. “Was he crying?”

Buggy’s cheeks and ears heated up at the question, although he managed to drown the angry denial before it reached his mouth.

After all, he didn’t speak with Rayleigh for years, even the idea of it was weird, too out of place now.

For a moment Roger looked like he wanted to answer with more seriousness, yet he changed his answer to a more playful one, probably picking out his nervousness and embarrassment with his freakishly good haki.

At least, Buggy thought that was the reason- but who was he to read the Gol D. Roger that easily. Right?

However he was relieved and quite thankful that he didn’t try to make a big deal out of it.

At least, not more than he already had.

“Yeah, and I kinda freaked out when I saw it. Sorry for it, Ray.” Roger let out an unabashed laugh- Buggy wasn’t fast enough to hide his violent flinch at the sound.

He wasn’t that affected by that laughter when he was younger, still naive and still learning. But that was different now. Buggy saw too much in his long life. More often than not, with new things he learned and realized, memories that once dear to him turned into some sort of twisted, tainted things that left Buggy trembling with dread.

Captain’s laughter was one of those.

Buggy used to not fear (this much) his Captain’s laughter, a booming loud thing, but as he grew up, since he had the time to think things through and space to be objective, he began to associate too many uncomfortable things with that laughter.

It reminded him about how Captain laughed and laughed and laughed and never took ‘no’ for an answer.

It reminded him about monsters and kings and emperors and for fucks sake Buggy couldn’t do this now. He had to focus!

Roger’s unnatural stillness was the thing that brought him back to his surroundings, his Captain looked like his voice died in his throat and Buggy could feel his alarm with haki even when he was actively trying not to.

Goddamn D.’s and their strong motherfucking emotions and powerful presence

Fortunately others came before Captain or god-forbid Rayleigh could say anything.

Not that Buggy was ready to face the others, thank you very much.

First to come running was Crocus, shouting at Rayleigh all the way, saying- “Why are you taking so long!” and “He could be dying from blood loss!” and “Fuck, or did he die already!”

Then he was standing near Rayleigh, looking worried and terrified- still in his pajamas just like Rayleigh. immediately upon seeing them he stopped running and just blinked.

Buggy just wanted this day to end already.

Rayleigh too, probably felt like that because his voice was as deadpan as possible when he answered, “No, no one is dying, Crocus. Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

Crocus’s face took a confused edge and Buggy could almost pity the guy.

Almost.

“Then why the everloving fu-hell, yeah hell, did you shout at my name, your ship’s doctor name, in the middle of the night, Captain?”

Roger looked like he was enjoying himself when he answered. “Am I not allowed doc? I didn’t know we had a rule like that on Oro.” His iconic smile was on his face, and had that innocent air around him that just had to be fake - and like this, he could clearly see why everyone thought Luffy was similar to Roger.

Fuck, he really couldn’t afford thinking about that clusterfuck when he was not alone.

Still he couldn’t really prevent himself from thinking like this now, could he? The smile on his Captain’s face was nearly the same as that brat’s smile. Like this, he could see why Shanks and Rayleigh tried to forget their grief of a man long dead, and tried to replace him with a child whose smile whispered sunshine and sea and freedom.

Just like their Captain, when he was not feeling like being scary and pushy as hell was a way to go.

Come to think of it, wasn’t Strawhat like that too? Too pushy and possessive- There was even one rumor where Strawhat said to crippled some random men because they made his navigator uncomfortable and ‘nobody is allowed to make my nakama uncomfortable!’

Buggy didn’t want to understand the similarities between them or see them.

The only similar thing about them, that Buggy could accept without feeling sick to his stomach, was how they were kings of their own.

Buggy hated Luffy since he saw his king’s crown on his head, too large and too heavy for a stranger to carry.

No matter if he was just a kid or the second pirate king. Nobody but Roger or Shanks deserved that crown.

Shanks’s thoughts on the matter were irrelevant.

(And sometimes Strawhat would look at him with understanding, when they came across on different islands one too many times, would look at him- follow his longing stare to that straw hat and would smile a damned sad smile, all familiar kind eyes and too familiar soft voice.)

God, his head was a mess.

He shouldn’t think like this, he really shouldn’t. Not on a time like this, not within a place full of outstanding haki users.

Especially not when Roger was already on alert, because you know, he came to his room crying and flinching at the sound of his fucking laugh. Buggy was sure he didn’t do that kind of shit in his young, maybe after Edd war but that was more of a thing with loud noise- fucking wait a minute, what time was he in? Did Edd war even fucking happened yet?

When had he become this sure that he time traveled again?

Crocus spluttered as his previous anxiety and confusion turned into irritation. “You- Of course not. What nonsense are you trying to say?”

Roger just laughed, just as carefree as ever.

Buggy really didn’t like his laugh, not when his head was already this messed up but he could appreciate his carefree, happy attitude. His father’s happiness was precious, even more so when it was not for an adventure or fight or anything like that.

Then there were running noises and Buggy heard Taro’s voice before seeing him.

He was shouting at Spencer for being so relaxed when he joined Rayleigh and Crocus at the door with all the other crew-members in town.

All their noise disappeared when they found a very different scene than they were expecting: not an ounce of blood on the walls and a dead body nowhere to be seen.

A little bit of blissful silence fell on them, then there was chaos.

Sunbell let out an angry sound and complained about his lost sleep, which if Buggy was remembering it right his sleep was very important to him. Spencer put on that fake ass smile and turned to Taro and said “Well, I told you so.” Taro rolled his eyes and demanded an explanation. Seagull just made some angry noises, likely speechless from the anger.

Shanks beamed when he saw Buggy and fuck Buggy wanted to die again (He died- Buggy fucking died holy christ-) when he saw the relief in his gaze clear as day.

Momora acted like he was going to faint from the relief and Yui just murmured some complaints and catched him before he fell; reminding Buggy that they were married in the future. He immediately stopped watching them- feeling like he was intruding on something private. His eyes found Doringo instead, he had a grumpy face and Buggy was sure if looks could kill Roger would be in an early grave. (He did not like how it sounded, he did not like it.) Even years later, Buggy could remember how Doringo behaved when people woke him up earlier than he used to and it wasn’t pretty.

He shuddered a little and Roger’s hand on his shoulder tightened for a second. Buggy couldn’t even remember when Roger’s hand found his shoulder.

He was determined to completely ignore how his heart squeezed painfully at the reminder that he, in fact, wasn’t that successful at forgetting this damned crew.

If he was somewhat alive and he was dreaming all this, he was sure when he woke up he would be more messed up then ever.

Okay, maybe not that messed up if he would compare it to the early years of his Captain’s death, but he was sure he would still be pretty messed up.

He didn’t even want to think about it.

Gaban looked confused when he looked at Roger but when his eyes fell on him, his expression turned into a thoughtful one. Maybe all the outsiders thought it was the Rayleigh that was the most observant one in the crew but Buggy knew better.

Gaban was the most observant person Buggy ever knew. And for the record, Buggy knew a lot of people, even when he was young. His younger self respected him a shit ton when Roger pirates were still a thing. He was loyal to a fault and observant to a favor, Buggy always respected that.

Buggy tried to forget how Gaban got himself into an early grave with too much alcohol in the future.

Rayleigh, “Okay, wrong alarm. Nobody was injured and Roger was just being his dramatic self.”

Roger let out a mock gasp and very loudly said, “I’m not dramatic.”

“Case in point, Captain.”

Gaban sighed and mumbled some things that Buggy couldn’t hear and Taro angrily huffed beside Spencer but it was Doringo who spoke first,

“So what was that all with ‘I’m not good for whatever this is’ thing?” His one eyebrow was raised and the way he tilted his head slightly to the side was reminiscent of a cat. His eyes were calculating and fucking scary! Buggy wanted to run far away from that gaze, as soon as possible. “If I’m being honest I didn’t hear all of it because I was having the time of my life: asleep, comfortable, getting some rest after one hell of a day with annoying ass Marines.” Rayleigh tried to say something about language but one furious look from Doringo and he was awkwardly shutting up. Rayleigh was shutting up- Fuck, Doringo was fucking scary for achieving that. “So Captain, I refuse to believe that you fucking woke me up for nothing, because as my Captain, I believe you are a delightful person who would definitely not do that, so what happened?”

Buggy’s panicked gaze found Roger’s and he desperately tried to make him understand that he did not want the crew to learn what happened. At the very fucking least, not when he was still here. The crew didn’t like weakness, especially when said weakness came from Buggy. He did not want to be on the receiving end of their judging eyes ever again.

He knew that his eye contact with Roger was suspicious as fuck now, everyone in this stupid crew was observant when they wanted to be and he knew that he couldn’t really keep it secret when everyone woke up because of it but hell, he could at least try.

Buggy didn’t know if Roger understood what he was trying to say but he looked at him, searched for something Buggy didn’t know. And even though what he found seemed to deeply upset him he still turned to the crew- awkwardly laughed as one of his hands scratched his cheek.

“Sorry Doringo, but it seems like it was really nothing!”

Buggy was grateful.

Doringo rolled his eyes and said, rather cunningly, “Who wants a meal? I don’t think any of us could sleep after that jump-scare.”

Everyone seemed to agree as nearly half of them nodded and the other half of them just turned and started to walk towards the kitchen.

Even Shanks seemed to want to go with them, but Rayleigh stopped him and pointed at Buggy with his head.

“You two brat’s are too young to stay this late.”

“But you guys always let us stay even later than this at parties!”

It was easy to see that they were going to talk about him and all that ‘meal, midnight snack’ thing was just an excuse but Buggy could understand why Shanks didn’t see it.

Shanks was a kid after all, everything seemed different from a kid’s perspective.

Rayleigh looked troubled for a second, wrong footed and unsure. Like he really thought Shanks wouldn’t say anything.

Ridiculous.

Then Spencer decided to be his savior. “Is it your way of asking us not to let you join the parties, kid?” They really knew how to handle Shanks, didn’t they?

Buggy was a bit amused by it.

Shanks let out a horrified sound like even the thought of it was horrible and hurriedly said “Lets go, Buggy! They are right, we are definitely too young for midnight snacks. Definitely.”

Buggy let out a ugly snort, a bit bitter about the knowledge that they were going to gossip about him like some nosy grandmas.

He looked at Shanks anxious face, grief once again softly making his way to his heart and playing with its strings. He couldn’t help but think: Once a party maniac, always a party maniac it seemed.

He jumped from the bed and ran to Shanks side, following him to their shared room. All the way, Shanks grumbled about adults and their two faced nature like how “They let me drink alcohol but don’t let me have a midnight snack, how weird is that?” and well, the kid wasn’t wrong.

His stomach also growled when they arrived in the room and just… Maybe others could but Buggy couldn’t let a kid go to bed hungry, especially this kid.

He could be remembering wrong, he didn’t even know which year he was in after all, but he always had a bad habit of hiding food whenever he had the chance. And he never really forgot his favorite food-hiding spots on this ship, in this room.

So he ignored Shanks’ confused expression when he told him to wait and started to look around the room. Only two of his seven favorite places had some food in them; the loose floorboard and the mirror that had some space between the mirror part and the wood part. The food was admittedly not much but it was definitely better than nothing, so he turned to Shanks to hand him the food.

But what he received was not the grateful look he was half expecting, Shanks was only frowning.

Buggy didn’t understand what he did wrong.

“Why are you hiding food, Buggy?” It was Buggy’s turn to be wrong footed in front of Shanks. He was so very tired of this day. What was so wrong about hiding food? it was a safety net, there was nothing wrong with safety nets.

“Well, definitely not for you to be ungrateful about it, bastard!”

But Shanks only frowned more and kept looking at him. It was weird, Buggy couldn’t understand what he did wrong! He was just trying to do some good for once in his life to Shanks and that was what he earned!

He huffed and rolled his eyes. Maybe he did forget some things about the crew after all, Shanks was not this annoying or hard to read in his early memories.

“Just eat it, dumbass. I wanna sleep without hearing your stomach grumble and keep waking up because of it.”

Something in Shanks’ gaze softened when he heard that, something like relief crept in there and made itself comfortable.

Why, Buggy didn’t know but Shanks finally took the snack and that was a win in his book. He didn’t have the mental capacity to over analyze anything right now.

So he turned his back and climbed his hammock to sleep.

Everything else could wait.

Chapter Text

When the sun rose, Buggy was already awake and panicking.

Because he apparently managed to time-travel without even meaning to?! Some people would do anything for this kind of thing.

Hell he knew if some people heard even of an inkling of it being possible, they would waste all their life to achieve it.

But Buggy was not one of them, there were moments were he really wanted to go back and just exist with his Captain and Shanks and the crew but-

He didn’t- he didn’t want this.

why the fuck would he want this?

His childhood was spent being scared of everything, fearing the people he loved so fucking much and losing them in a blaze of glory.

He never wanted to live that again.

Actually he just wanted to be in denial, like forever if possible, but he couldn’t. Not when everything was so obvious. And definitely not when there were possible threats on the horizon.

But before this, he had a life he was proud of: a crew he cherished and trusted, some close friends outside of his crew that he was comfortable with.

He already build the life he wanted from all that mindfuck his childhood was, why must he do it again?

No matter where he looked, it was clear to him that he time traveled.

This had to be time travel: he could feel all the haki around him. Nobody could fake a haki signature, even with a devil fruit.

And it was not a memory thing too, at least not a thing with somebody controlling his memories because if it was, then he couldn’t have acted on his free will like he acted just the night before. If somebody tried to mess up with another’s memories, there would be rules that everyone involved had to follow.

A memory would have rejected big changes and would always end with the remembered ending.

But Buggy never had the memory of running to his Captain’s room, crying like a lost child, Captain panicking and shouting, and accidentally waking up all the other crew-members before all this shit. And there was only four devil fruits that could do that kind of memory fuck up anyway and they were last seen at two hundred years ago. So that was impossible too.

Also, it was not a dream. For obvious reasons.

This was too real.

So, time travel.

Now he was in his younger body, still soft hands so unlike his future ones, awkwardly long limbs, too big head- An unfamiliar, forgotten body.

Shockingly, all of that was not the actual thing that made his eyes swam with black dots, not the thing that made his head spin-

He had to do everything all over again. He wouldn’t, he couldn’t do that-

Being the receiving end of that gaze, the Edd war if that not happened already and then fucking Whitebeards, Captain’s death, Shanks and all his… everything and then fucking Baterilla and-

This was not fucking helping.

He took a deep breath and thought about what Mohji wanted him to do when he was this fucking pathetic. Mohji was always good with things like this, always knew how to calm him down and always knew when to let him panic.

Mohji always stopped him when his breathing got weird, when his vision got covered with black spots and his head started to spin like crazy.

So it was bad news.

He also always said to count the seconds he breathed, four seconds in seven seconds out. Something to do with heart rate or some shit. Buggy never tried to learn anything about it if he didn’t have to. Even his endless curiosity was nowhere to be seen when it came to this topic. He would rather forget about anything related to it until it happened again.

Breathing hurt when he was like this. He didn’t know why but breathing, blinking, existing hurt him.

But his first mate always said that this would go away when he calmed down and Buggy always, always trusted his crew- the one that he made with misfits, just like him

He tried to correct his breathing. (Four seconds in seven seconds out.) Started to sort out what he could hear, see and feel. Just like Mohji said he should do.

He could hear Shanks’s snoring, the voice waves made when they clashed with Oro Jackson, the weird noise hammock made when Shanks turned around.

He could see the ceiling of Oro Jackson, the edge of his hammock, and his feet.

He could feel the small shakes of the ship, could feel his shirt and how wet it was with sweat, and he could feel the cold.

He was with Shanks, in Oro Jackson and probably near a winter island.

Everything was slow again. (His first mate really was the best.)

(He hoped that he didn’t cry too much after him.)

So, he knew he was in the past and his most important issue was how he didn’t know when.

He could work with that.

From the way Roger acted the other night Buggy could safely say that he was before the Edd war happened. If it was after, Roger would be more familiar with him coming to his door and would have been more…silent.

Figuring that out, now he knew he woke up in the past before the Edd war happened. New problem, he didn’t know just how much.

He could also work with that. (“Start out small, Captain. One problem at a time, you are going to burn out at this rate, leave the rest of the extra work to us will ya’.”)

All he had to do was go to the cafeteria and look at the calendar Sunbell hung there. But he could do that later, his limbs felt too heavy for him to just walk like that.

He hated the feeling of it, was too different from exhaustion.

(It was more like shackles.)

Hence another problem.

He was different, he was more fucked up and messed up than how he was in his young. He had a ton of issues he carried around, he was not the same kid he was back then.

And he didn’t even know if he could act like it.

How much time would pass until they notice it too? Or if he turned the question around: How much time would pass until Buggy couldn’t take it anymore?

“Buggy! Buggy! Buggy~! "

Shanks was looking at him from his own hammock, an annoying smirk on his face like always. Since when, how Buggy didn’t notice? His eyes was full with amusement. How weird it was that he didn’t think anything was a miss with Shanks appearance.

Even though he knew there were many different things about his appearance since he last saw him all those years ago, like the missing three scars on his face from Teach, like the baby fat on his face or the slightly longer hair, looking all soft and pretty.

How weird it was that this appearance was more familiar to him, more easy to see than before.

It comforted Buggy, made his limbs lose some of their heaviness.

Just enough for him to forget about imaginary shackles.

And that was enough. That was more than enough.

“Buggy! Buggy! Bu~ggy!”

Buggy tried to send some nasty glare his way but he knew he failed when Shanks’s grin only seemed to grow. Brat was really trying to frustrate him.

He decided to answer fire with fire.

If Shanks wanted to annoy him, he could always annoy him back.

“Shanks, Shanks, Shanks!” He get up from his hammock and jumped on his, ignoring how his legs trembled under his own weight. Shanks let out a pained grunt and some high-pitched noise came from Shanks’s hammock but Buggy didn’t give a shit.

This kid was going down.

He got closer to Shanks’s ear and nearly screamed. “Shanks, Shanks, Shanks!” Shanks tried to threw him away, to cover his ears but Buggy made sure to held on for dear life. He was getting his revenge no matter what!

Then Shanks started to laugh and all thoughts left Buggy’s mind.

It’s been a long time since he heard him laugh.

But of course, of-fucking-course, Shanks decided to be a prick and fight back. Shanks’s hands found his back and squeezed him like a stress ball, it was Buggy’s turn to let out a pained sound because that fucking hurt.

Though, Buggy was nothing if not determined and didn’t let it affect his revenge.

Shanks was laughing like a mad man.

Buggy was not being successful enough at annoying Shanks apparently.

And soon he too started to scream in Buggy’s ears.

Buggy ears rang and he cursed his most colorful curses. Tried to hit him too but that only made him laugh more. Just to be stubborn, Buggy didn’t gave up and kept hitting him at random places, everything to stop the bastard from fucking screaming.

Shanks just laughed and squeezed him again, still screaming between his laughs.

Then Buggy realized- Shanks’s laughter was nothing like his future one, it was not over the top or felt like a promise.

It was just a kid’s laugh. High-pitched and happy. Not the laugh of a man drunk out of his mind.

Buggy didn’t even know why he expected it to be same.

It was kind of nice. (It made him furious.)

Then they heard Rayleigh’s angry voice, “If you brats have the energy to scream your asses off ,then you two should also have the energy to come and clean the deck!”

Shanks jumped on his place a little, made sure that the hammock strained more underneath them on an accident. However Buggy too, couldn’t hide his flinch at the sudden noise.

Angry Rayleigh was a true headache, Buggy could only let his body go lax with defeat.

His eyes found Shank’s face. He let his eyes roam around Shanks face, trying to re-memorize his features just like how he did with Roger.

“It was totally your fault.”

Shanks made an over-dramatic face, “No, It was your fault!” and Buggy let out a heartfelt laugh.

Shanks was ridiculous.

Still laughing, he let go of Shanks and jumped out of the suffering hammock.

Everything was too easy with Shanks, teasing and having fun came naturally. Talking came naturally. Because it was Shanks, a monster he cherished. A king he mourned for.

Just like his Captain.

But Rayleigh and others were different.

He felt his laugh die in his throat.

He knew they learned about his crying fit. He was expecting pitying glances and whispers of ‘not being suited for pirate life.’ He was expecting it, dreading it.

But in his mid-twenties Buggy had made a new rule, or more like a logical reason to not care about any monsters when he crossed paths with them.

Monsters didn’t understand humans and humans didn’t understand monsters.

A rule, a reason to not care anymore.

When he was a kid, Buggy didn’t know the rule- still too naive, still having issues with finding solutions to problems.

But that changed, Buggy learned it all. Made his opinions on what he saw and felt, and had a lot of years to see if his opinions held true when it mattered or not.

Monsters always felt too much to notice other smaller things. Whatever it be feelings of others or two weak children in their care.

They just always felt too much and forgot how others could bear emotions too.

Not always but most of the time.

The only outliner would be Whitebeard, probably, when he was still alive and breathing. When he was still the strongest and still with his ‘children’.

He was a father, a good one. A father to humans, monsters and young kings. Whitebeard was never just a king or a monster.

Whitebeard felt excessively, not that different from other Kings in that sense. It could be seen with his love for his own and the sudden anger he sometimes showed. (Or when he laughed and didn’t bother to listen to a word you said.) But the difference lied with how he was selfless enough to look when it came to the people he cared about.

He would look, see and understand.

Whitebeard was the only monster that did that. ( Even if Buggy sometimes wished Roger could have been like that too.)

Buggy still didn’t like the man, Whitebeard was a lot more than Buggy could handle. At least, he was if the stories Marco used to tell when they were both drunk were true.

Also it wasn’t like Whitebeard was perfect, he was too was pushy for that. Didn’t take ‘no’ as an answer when someone managed to catch his interest. Yet, he always listened their problems and never made fun of them when they accepted being one of his.

In the end, he was different in some good ways but same with every king and emperor in the bad ways.

(And he called Buggy funny names when he was young and advised him to ‘stop being a pirate’ if he was ‘that scared.’ Buggy was still annoyed about that. So there was that too.)

Nevertheless Buggy respected him. He was a rare one.

However, he looked at Shanks and let their eyes meet, maybe, for just this one time, he could trust this king to be there for him even if he didn’t understood a few things.

It wasn’t like Shanks was an adult, he was a kid. Not really a danger to buggy’s feelings or freedom.

Not a fully crowned king, yet.

“Let’s go before Rayleigh makes us, idiot.”

Shanks could still give, without a want tainting his favors and turning it into an offer. Without making it a debt with the best intentions but a debt nonetheless.

Shanks was not like Roger, yet.

Buggy extended his hand to him and raised one eyebrow. He patiently ignored how Shanks eyebrows raised and his eyes grew bigger with shock. Buggy knew this was not in the norm for his younger self.

Hand holding was Shanks’s thing when they were still children.

But he was different now, a literal old soul trapped in a young body.

He knew he didn’t have much time before he made a plan. A safety net for him to fall on and build something from this weird situation.

That could possibly take him away from Shanks and their father. He didn’t have time for useless things like embarrassment or pride.

When Shanks hands found his, Buggy let him give him an ounce of his power and tried to convince himself that everything would be okay in the end.

Chapter Text

Buggy felt sick.

His own haki was wrapped around him, masking his presence tightly, with watchful eyes tracking his every move- he felt sick to his stomach.

All he could feel was pity, pity pity-

He wished they were his own emotions.

He couldn’t risk turning off his own observation haki, or using it more passive when Shanks and him were still on the deck, because his place were not with these people and he has to protect himself if they-

But he really, desperately wished he could.

Their voices was too strong for him to ignore, feelings too heartfelt for him to just toss fully in the background. The thought of that ‘heartfelt’ emotion being pity, pity towards him, only left him with clenched fits. He was sure Roger pirates certainly noticed it.

Their feelings were mixed up with his feelings, messed with them so thoroughly that Buggy could easily feel the disgust piled up in his stomach, waiting for him to release so he could throw up in the shape of screams, curses and nasty bitter words.

And since the chore Rayleigh gave them was done, he didn’t have anything to distract him from the idea.

Buggy wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

Honestly the constant eyes on him would be easy to ignore, Buggy had years of experience with that kind of shit. Their feelings were another matter entirely. Buggy always ran from people with big presences after the Loguetown, he kept them far away from him and his crew and everything he held dear. So the overwhelming feelings he was bombarded with was a forgotten experience and he didn’t like that one bit.

It wasn’t even about pity, Buggy knew that some days using other people’s pity could be the only way to survive.

God or whatever up there knows, he experienced that more than one or two times. He was not a naive fool nor was he a particularly proud man. But with the crew, it was different. Supposed to be different. Their pity wouldn’t save his life, would only make it hard for him in the long run. (But, at least, there would be no long run if Buggy could have his way.) He was one of them- a child pirate but a pirate nonetheless.

He needed kindness and a teaching hand, not pity and judging words. He was one of them and they were not supposed to look at him like he was a chore they were ordered to do.

No matter how cowardly or weak, he was a pirate since he was six and half years old and he deserved at least some respect for it.

He was a pirate and loved the sea, accepted it as his home, he at least deserved some respect for it. Especially from the people he shared a ship with, but no- They never respected his feelings, his way of thinking or his very fucking valid concerns.

All this was like an old wound opening up and Buggy really didn’t want to experience the healing process again.

He wanted their feelings out of his head and heart.

He just wanted to hide every bit of his existence, (every bit of his ‘soul voice’ as his Captain called it) and hide somewhere until his crew was at his back and ‘Big Top’ was under his feet again.

Hide somewhere until he was back where he belonged.

But he couldn’t, fucking couldn’t. Because the crew’s eyes were following his every move and Buggy’s mind was shouting urgent need to shower, even though pitying glances didn’t held the power to leave evidence at their path but but but-.

They were searching for a hint of weakness, a vulnerability he couldn’t afford. Not now, not after years later. Not after he grew up and learned how it felt to be respected and acknowledged.

He loved Oro Jackson, she was the first home he ever had. But the people here, all these monsters dressed up as humans, were not his family.

(Except just one monster, his king, his Captain, his monster.)

It was worse than he remembered, surprisingly worse than he expected.

He wanted to get out.

But he still needed time and, he let his eyes wander to his (FatherFatherFather- )Captain just for a second before turning back again, he wanted- no, needed to spend more time with him before leaving this all behind.

And maybe hide a subtle goodbye to his words. (Because goodbyes were important, and he was not cruel like the first Pirate King was.)

This time he would be the one to leave.

“Buggy! Shanks!” Roger’s voice cut through the strange atmosphere, his haki was burning bright as ever and Buggy assumed that it was a ordinary one, the happy one. Buggy’s lips even stretched to a small smile before he turned to him. Gave his complete attention to his Captain’s haki.

Not even a moment later, his blood ran cold.

Captain’s appearance was ordinary, the same as ever. He was wearing that pink button up shirt with his front open, the smile that made stupid people underestimate him still as stone on his face.

Buggy looked at his eyes and understood what Shanks or maybe others too couldn’t. (or maybe wouldn’t, they were the same after all.) All sharp gaze and bared teeth, hidden underneath a familiar attitude. Roger was pissed at something, and his gaze was entirely focused on Buggy.

“Buggy, where did you learn that?”

Buggy’s brain stopped, he couldn’t remember what he did wrong, he was acting normal- at least he thought that.

Roger probably saw the confusion on his face because his smile turned less predatory. Buggy couldn’t be sure if it was a good or bad sign.

Buggy couldn’t be sure of anything when it came to his Father.

“I can’t feel your voice.”

Buggy’s eyes widened and he could almost hear the alarm bells ringing on his brain, trying to find some sort of answer.

He was talking about his presence, his haki that he hid without thinking. Holy shit-

To Buggy it was a habit he formed- unconsciously used when uncomfortable, but he should have been more careful. He needed to get back on his usual ways before he made an even bigger mistake. Because oh for everloving fuck, how he is going to explain that? ‘I learned at a war that you started, even when I begged you to.’

Though mother fucking hell, of course his Captain noticed, he was haki sensitive.

Buggy knew that since he was seven, how the fuck did he not thought about that before masking his presence?

(Because, he forgot.)

(Because, he forgot about his Father more than he liked to admit.)

“What are you talking about, Captain?” Gaban’s words pulled him out of his thoughts. And he could feel Shanks’ haki signa- voice getting more and more confused.

But it was Rayleigh words that made his brain work overtime to find some reasonable answer. “Did you learn to hide your haki signature, kid? Though I don’t think I taught you two that yet?” (“Its soul voice, Rayleigh! At least get it right!”) His eyebrows were raised, gaze reeking of suspicion- (And Buggy’s old wounds started to rot, getting power from the sinking feeling that suspicion started in Buggy. It was so lame of him to get affected by a tone of voice but well, nobody said he was not a pathetic person.)

But Buggy survived worse circumstances with less opinions.

He controlled his breath, tried to plan his next action-

“Are you talking about the theft trick?” Yeah, he was going with that. Sue him, that was a reasonable excuse with his background. A background that all of the crew was aware of.

He tried to ignore the oddity of talking again with Rayleigh.

“What the fu-heck is ‘the theft trick’, Blue?” Buggy couldn’t hide his scowl at the nickname Taro used. He really hated that nickname, the one they used to call him when Buggy refused to tell them his name and robbed Shanks into it.

They were only Red and Blue for a while.

For a long time. (Half a year or so.)

(“I like you kids! You should come with me!”)

However, that was not important.. The important thing was that he was clueless at what to do. He couldn’t remember how he talked when he was this young. Was he gruff or way too cheerful? Was his voice loud? Did he have problems with specific words?

He didn’t remember.

He just decided to fuck it and go with the flow.

“You slow your breathing, imagine a clock wrapping tightly around your body and boom! Nobody senses you when you’re trying to steal their wallet.”

Gaban’s face whipped around to look at him. Others seemed to be in similar states of disbelieve.

(It stung, a little.)

“Just like that? You concealed your voice, just like that?” Taro’s voice was filled with some emotion Buggy couldn’t really place.

“Just like that.”

Taro looked… smug.

Why?

Nonetheless, Rayleigh and others seemed to accept that answer with surprise clear for Buggy to feel. The only problem, Roger was still supporting a frown and downturn on his lips.

Buggy hated to think that it was him that put that kind of expression on his Captain.

(His Father was created for smiles, greatness and freedom. Not this. Not for Buggy.)

(But maybe for the lost child, a kid that had the same eye color as his Captain and had the freckles of a woman Buggy held dear. Maybe for that child, he could look that concerned- Buggy would understand and accept it. But for Buggy? No. Just- No.)

Buggy started to play with his hands, pulling them lightly.

“So cool! You gotta teach me that, Buggy!” Shanks’s eyes sparkled with awe and well, Buggy got distracted.

“It’s my move, dumbass! Of course I will not teach it to you!” It was not like Shanks could learn it, even if he tried. He had a big presen- voice, kings haki dancing and waiting in his veins. Him trying to learn that would only end up in disappointment and childish tantrums.

“Wha- That’s not fair!”

“Well, life is not fair. Get over it, princess.”

Buggy enjoyed seeing the scandalized look on his face and didn’t resist the urge to grin. Shanks was the opposite (as always). A frown on his face and a stubborn look in his gaze.

Sunbell let out a big sigh. “They are gonna’ start again, right?…” He looked like he already accepted his fate, causing Momora to look at him with great sympathy coloring his feelings.

Momora was always like that, kind outside of battle and cruel in one.

He was a weird monster in Buggy’s humble opinion.

“There, there” Momora patted his back with a kind smile. All dimpled and innocent. Sunbell looked like he was having great difficulties, trying to decide if he was going to act offended by Momora handling him like he was an upset child or going to be grateful over the kind gesture.

Buggy could feel Yui’s amusement over the scene, bright and filled with mirth. His quiet, deep chuckles was lost under strong winds.

Doringo didn’t held back and just laughed while teasing Sunbell about how he was ‘acting like a big baby and even Momora understood that’

Always the tease.

Momora just looked lost. Looking between Sunbell and Doringo.

Shanks seemed to only now found a ‘harsh’ thing to say, face bright with ‘rightful’ anger.

“Well if I’m a princess you’re just a clown! My clown! You even have a red nose!” He crossed his arms, satisfied with his outbursts and ‘clever’ words.

Buggy was flabbergasted- looking him with a expression that Buggy knew his crew dubbed as ‘what-the-fuck’ face. The longer he looked at Shanks like that the more Shanks grew visibly anxious. The crew tried to decide who would win if they got into a fist fight in the background.

Everybody said Shanks, Crocus said patching up Buggy would be too much work.

They acted like he couldn’t hear them and suddenly it was hilarious.

But Shanks was the most funny thing.

He let out a ugly snort that turned to a full blown laughter after merely seconds later. Buggy supposed him laughing was not in Shanks expectations but well, he couldn’t help it. The satisfied feeling he felt from Shanks when he said his ‘clever line’ was too much for him to ignore.

His bounty name was ‘Buggy the clown’ and his red nose was in his flag, proudly painted by his first mate.

He had nothing to be ashamed of. (And he didn’t owe the crew anything. They could think what they want.)

“If you say so, idiot.”

The look on Shanks face screamed of shock and had a pleased edge, Buggy stubbornly ignored it.

“Huh, that didn’t go as badly as I imagined it would.” Spencer’s ire over them not fighting was obvious, the pout on his lips made it easy to see. “What a shame, I even made popcorn.” Buggy wanted to roll his eyes but he knew that as soon as he did that, Spencer would be in his throat with a sweet and fake smile.

So, no thank you.

It seemed like Taro didn’t held his life dear, as it was clear as hell when he punched Spencer’s arm and told him to “Behave before I make you, chaotic bastard.”

Momora looked at popcorn, then at Spencer, then again at popcorn- then he slowly reached and started to eat it.

“Aww, you’re being mean.”

Taro only rolled his eyes and huffed.

Buggy was really impressed by his courage. Or his stupidity, he thought when he saw Spencer’s fake smile forming at his lips.

All that talking around them didn’t seem to distract Doringo as well as it did the others. “Well, then why are you using it now?”

Buggy pulled the bullshit that worked every time when he was younger. “Just trying to figure out if it’s working like it’s supposed to, who knows when I will see a loaded person. Have to at my best shape for them.”

Doringo seemed to pander on it and after five seconds (Buggy counted it) shrugged and said “Okay, that’s fair, I should have guessed that.”

There, add money to his reasoning and they easily believe what he said. Glad to know it still worked, even when his words and actions was different from his younger self (words more robotic, more formal than ever and stilled-)

(If a stranger dressed up as him, tried to act a bit more like a child and knew his love for treasures, can they trick this crew to believe their act? Could this crew see through their facade?)

(Could his Father?)

Roger still looked concerned, not fully believing his lie. But Sunbell distracted him, talking about the next island they will set foot to.

Adventures was always a priority for his Captain.

(Old wounds- really really old wounds-)

Rayleigh looked fondly after them. He spoke as he put his hands on Shanks hair and messed it up. “Let’s go and eat, kids. Seagull made tons of delicious food.”

Seagull’s voice whispered a satisfied feeling to Buggy’s heart.

If he had to say, it was definitely more pleasing than pity ever could.

He wanted to get out.

But his father- his father-Captain-his King -His monster-

Roger laughed something Sunbell said and Buggy wanted to vomit-

He missed him, he missed him, he missed him-

But love can be a curse and freedom can mean loneliness beyond repair.

He felt Shanks pulling him towards the kitchen. Walking one step ahead of him.

Blue can never be red . (old wounds-old wounds-old wound)

Chapter Text

Roger Pirates little cafeteria was the same as he remembered, small and cozy. A big table in the middle of the room and a lot of chairs. Everybody always ate at the same table, Buggy still didn’t know why they even bothered with calling this place cafeteria.

They got their food and Buggy let Shanks push him into a chair, just beside Doringo.

Then Shanks started to talk about ‘cool things’ they might see when they ‘finally’ stopped at some island to re-stock.

“Why are you even excited?”

“Well it’s the New World, Buggy. Keep up.”

So they were in the New World, and probably their first time here if Shanks’ words were a clue. That meant they were traveling with Roger at least for one year

Good to know.

“The only ‘cool’ thing that the New World could bring us is death. And I didn’t think you were the type to get excited about that.”

Shanks laughed and told him to “Stop being dramatic, Buggy. Live a little.”

“Well, I don’t want to live a little, I want to live a long life. There’s a difference between them that I don’t think you know of.”

Shanks rolled his eyes, “I know the difference, but that’s boring.” Then his eyes sparkled, turning his chair towards Buggy a little, “You know what Buggy, I will live the fullest and will tell you all about it. Then I will die and go with a big bang!”

Buggy chest tightened, unconsciously playing with his hands.

“Why would you even say that?”

Buggy words were cutting, obviously upset.

Shanks didn’t seemed to understood that. But others did, if the way they froze for a second before they continued what they were doing was a sign.

If Roger’s displeased voice was a sign.

“Well, just think about it. It would be awesome to die without regrets, I would be happy, and I bet others would be happy for me too.”

“What’s so cheerful about your death?”

“That I will die happy, of course. Unlike you.”

He didn’t seemed to be capable of understanding what his words implied.

He didn’t understand..

Buggy wanted to him to. For him to see how fucked up it was, but hesitated. They were not alone, and Buggy didn’t want to have this kind of conservation when all of the crew could hear them.

But… but it was him. It was Shanks, his childhood friend that he hated and loved and abandoned.

And suddenly, words left his mouth without his permission.

“I would mourn for you, Red.”

When he was younger, in a bar, some old man said old habits would always come back and find a way into people’s hearts.

Using Shanks’s nickname was just like that.

Buggy didn’t like being called Blue, not really. But Shanks loved the nickname, saying that it felt like they were half of each other when people called them that.

Buggy didn’t understand when he was young, still didn’t understand when he was at his last breaths.

Couldn’t clear the bad memories from the nickname.

But he always remembered how Shanks smiled and seemed to relax when he called him red. Always seemed more calm and collected. Seriously, hard to not remember it when every time he looked at Shanks’s bounty, he felt an overwhelming longing.

Grief was like that too.

His heart had a way with grief when it involved the Kings he knew.

Even the not-fully-crowned ones.

He met Shanks eyes head on, and said what he definitely wouldn’t when he was young.

“If you die, I will mourn for you until my last breath.”

Buggy was painfully aware of how honest he was being.

“I would be miserable if you died before me, whether you were happy or not doesn’t matter.”

(At one of his ‘grief days”, first one he ever did for Shanks. “Hey, Cook!!” A green headed man, standing over him and calling someone over- an incredible headache, a glass of booze at hand- confused mumbles- a new voice appearing- “What happen- Marimo, isn’t this the man Luffy went to talk about… you know what.” Luffy- fucking Luffy. Little king, kings- motherfucking kings. Stole his King’s crown, stole his little king’s arm- but he is crowned now. was crowned. “Luffy! Get your ass here!” No, Luffy- luffy, it’s Luffy. He is black, not red. He is actually crowned now. He is a king- Not like Roger, not like Roger, not like Roger, never like his Father. Buggy didn’t need kings. Didn’t he abandon his childhood friend because of that? He didn’t want any more kings. All they did was die anyway. Who needed them? Not him. A hastily thrown glass, curses and voices talking. A wet feeling on his face and a young voice appearing. More curses and loud noises. Was it him? Is it him? “Fucki- hick- ng Kings. I hate you guys! Always always there, motherfucking kings. Will not be mine. Not mine. Mine not. Not my king.” Legs that buckle under weight, an unfamiliar arm catching by the waist- but a familiar hat tainting his eyes with a spell of what-if’s. Reaching out, a shout and an answer. Then silence and familiar texture around his fingertips. “You stole it. Stole the crown. Stole My King. Mine. My Kin-Kings.” a hateful glance and a blatant lie " I hate you.” I hate myself.)

Shanks looked shocked for a while, looking at him like that was the first time he ever saw him. And that was probably true. Buggy knew he changed, in more bad ways than good.

Then Shanks laughed, not like a king but like a kid. (Why did that manage to surprise him all the time?) Arranging his chair to lean even more towards him. A casual grin playing around his lip.

He looked happy. (“Be my first mate, Buggy. Please-”)

“Well, don’t look so scared~ I still have time.”

Shanks still had time, still had time, had time-

“Honestly,” Teasing eyes and haki filled with mirth. “I knew you were all loving inside but aren’t you such a baby~?”

(Will have more time if Kidd was out of the picture.)

“Yeah… yeah, you have time.”

Shanks looked him dead in the eye, probably trying to be angry at his response, but then just shook his head and laughed like he was fond of him, like Buggy’s words were amusing to him.

Shanks’s words rang in his ears.

Still had time.

He still had time. Roger still had time.

(Would be more if… Buggy changed it.)

Buggy’s eyes searched for the calendar. 28th of may.

Two and half years before the Edd war.

Two years before Roger’s illness started to show.

(You are Buggy, right?- Oh, don’t be aggressive, Clown-san. I’m just trying to do what my Captain told me…He said that it should be given to you, for old times sake.)

He caught an apple coming towards him, deep in thought. Giving Shanks more time would be more than easy, all he had to do was kill the bastard named Kidd before he had a chance to grow strong.

(Blood on his hands, apologies said like ‘thank you’s- Mohji, Richie, others- Big top, big top under his feet.)

(A sickly feeling, Buggy hated killing.)

He clenched his fist around the apple and bit it.

Then he paused, what the fuck? Apple?

“Buggy!!!” Captain was looking at him, eyes wide and a blinding smile starting to form on his face.

“What the fuck, Buggy?”

“Language, Sunbell!!”

“Oh, fuck your fucking language we are fucking pirates.” Taro talked without giving Sunbell or Rayleigh a time to respond. “How the hell did you get that good with observation, Buggy. What the fuck?”

“Hate to say it but for once, I agree with Taro because just…how?”

“That was coming towards us really fast and you just, like, caught it? Like Sunbell was the one that accidentally threw it towards us and you just.. caught it- How? Can you teach me this at least?”

He was a fucking idiot, a mother fucking idiot. What the fuck, what was happening to him. All this was not like him at all. What the fuck happened to his fucking brain? How the fuck he kept messing everything up in front of these fucked up people? What the fuck happened?

Buggy took a deep breath.

He didn’t know how much he could fuck everything up in just one day but he had a feeling he was very close to that.

Three massive fuck ups in just, what? One and a half days? (Pretending to be a marine was easier than this.)

He answered Shanks, at least talking to him was less weird compared to others. “What are you talking about? Rayleigh teaches you this already.”

He was desperately wished that- yes, he was remembering it right and Rayleigh was indeed already teaching him.

He took useless risk by not thinking more before talking. Something that he never did when he was in the… future? alternative dimension?

Being with this crew came with out-of-character recklessness.

And Buggy didn’t like it one bit.

Rayleigh answered him and Buggy was unsure of how he felt about that. He was half-hoping that Shanks would be the one to answer.

But of course, what even went like he wanted to.

“Yes, if you paid attention you would remember, Shanks-kun. And Buggy, I didn’t know you could use your observation that well.”

Buggy instinctively raised an eyebrow “But I have been able to do it since I was five?”

Roger’s laugh followed his words and Buggy froze. Body tensing at the possessive (and proud) edge Gol. D Roger’s soul and real voice had.

“Well, that’s my cabin boy!”

Buggy started to play with his trembling hands, pulling his fingers and squeezing them at the rhythm Mohji did when something fucking triggered him into a flight or fight mode.

“This is not a laughing matter, Roger! That means he was hiding things from us!”

Did that old bastard just- well fuck him. Fuck his words, world and identity.

Buggy was done with him.

Buggy never hid anything from them, never. Even when he was just a snot nosed brat.

And-

“Not exactly hiding if you were so blinded by your bias.”

Everyone froze, it was easy to feel their confusion.

Especially Rayleigh’s.

Rayleigh turned his head to him, king’s haki leaking out of his body. Controlled and just like a spider’s weep. “What bias are you talking about?”

But Buggy was a survivor on the sea. He had seen worse and more powerful King’s haki.

(“Buggy, I don’t care about that sort of thing. You are nakama. You are free to do what you want to do, whatever it be hiding or running. You are one of mine.”)

(“Please Buggy, join me. Be my nakama again. I don’t- I don’t think i can do this without… without you.”)

(“Hey aren’t you the red nose! Bug- no that’s not right, Shanks used to call you another name. Ah! found it! Blue! Come and join the party!)

“You just showed me armament haki. You didn’t show me observation.”

“It was because i thought you were bad at it, you never said otherwise.” Rayleigh’s frown was deep and he seemed unsettled.

Like his instinct was saying something was very wrong.

Good.

Buggy ignored the feelings of others, not acknowledging them. (Not acknowledging that Shanks just froze, his gaze burning the side of Buggy’s head. He probably understood where he was getting with his words, Shanks was clever after all.)

Buggy did not stop looking right at Rayleigh.

Fuck him.

“No, I didn’t. And you just gave up after I failed, at my first try, at armament. Laughed a little and mumbled how ‘troublesome’ I was. Also, told me that if I was that bad about armament there would be no ways for me to use observation. And, because that was the best part really, said that I should try to be more like Shanks because being a pirate was in his fate, unlike me.”

He blocked everything else and let his eyes wander around Rayleigh’s face and voice.

Surprise- what was he surprised about?

“How was I supposed to tell you after you just said that kind of thing to me?”

A beat of silence.

Doringo’s voice cut through. “Sounds like you fucked up big this time, Ray.”

Like all of them didn’t fucked up in more ways than one when it came to Buggy.

Roger’s voice was void of any emotions when he talked. “Did you really tell him that, Ray?”

Instead of what Buggy expected, denials and ‘that red-nosed brat is lying!’ (just like the other adults in his youth.) Rayleigh said,

“I didn’t know he would take it to heart, Captain.” he looked weary and.. weird. To Buggy, he just looked weird. “I didn’t think he would take it to heart, I really didn’t.”

Then he looked at Buggy, frown still on his face, still looking troubled. Still same as ever but his voice was filled with sincerity when he said,

“‘I apologize, Buggy.”

Buggy’s world shook under his feet.

Chapter Text

The thing is, Buggy never received a sincere apology from an adult.

Never.

Those words were precious to Buggy, in a way that most didn’t realize.

Unlike other people, hearing kind, flashy words made him tick. Never really believed or trusted someone who always spooked kind shit. It might be because of how he grew up, with pirates and thieves and bounty hunters who didn’t give a damn about what anyone else said and acted accordingly.

He was used to ‘though love’. Used to decipher cutting words to found silent thank you’s and more silent apologies. More than not, thinking that maybe he was being delusional and tricking himself to believe that the apologies or thank you’s were there when they were not.

He was used to it.

From adults, at least. (What an ironic thing for him to say when he was an adult himself when he.. died.)

His crew often apologized, more often than Buggy would want. But that was not really surprising, his crew was full of broken souls. He chose them because of that. His lovable idiots.

(“I’m sorry to interrupt your grieving day, Captain. But-’)

Strawhat apologized that one time, when he came to his ship.

(“I’m sorry for not being there to stop Kidd. I’m really sorry.)

Buggy had never before received an apology from an adult, from someone older than him, someone responsible for his life.

It was a shock to his system when he heard those words from Rayleigh’s, fucking Rayleigh- the first mate, mouth.

But his moment of weakness was crushed by the need to remind himself, where was he when he was actually a child who needed it?

Why he could do it right now, but couldn’t do it for the life of him when Buggy was scared as hell, hiding in the kitchen and replaying the hurtful words he heard from that mouth on his mind over and over again?

Where was he, when the feeling of not belonging left him with nothing to stand on?

Why just one apology mattered this much to Buggy, when he knew, he fucking knew, he deserved so much more?

Buggy clenched his fist and took a breath.

Getting angry never did him good with these type of people. At least that much, he knew.

“It’s okay. Thank you for the apology.” A fake tone and a fake forgiveness. He ignored Spencer’s thoughtful look. He didn’t have the right to look at him weirdly for his obvious lie when all of the things that left Spencer’s mouth since Buggy knew him was one way or another a lie.

Monsters could not understand normal beings like Buggy. And Buggy couldn’t understand Monster- His father’s voice cut his thoughts like a sharp knife. “We will talk more about this, Ray.”

Will they?

Buggy looked at his Captain’s determined face and wondered, what would he say to his precious first mate?

Would he say he was right?

Rayleigh looked troubled, kind of like he was mentally preparing himself for a war.

Buggy felt the relief warming him. Yeah, no. Roger was kind in a way that nobody ever was with Buggy. He would never say that.

Buggy didn’t have the right to doubt his captain about something like this.

(But he did.)

An awkward silence took hold of the table before Taro got rid of that easily with an animated story-telling of his last encounter with Marines. Doringo smiled, Sunbell snorted and Momora let out a soft sigh but everybody turned back on their meal. With the expectation of Buggy.

“-and the bastard was fast but you know I was faster!”

No, Taro was always very fucking slow.

“No, we don’t know.”

Spencer’s voice was filled with mirth and Taro easily saw through that and scoffed. “You’re a liar, Spencer. I’m the fastest on this ship.”

“You’re just delusional, dear.” A smirk danced around Spencer’s lips and Taro froze. His face was all pink and veins showing.

Gaban started snickering, his amusement dancing around Buggy’s heart and begging to be noticed. “Wha- What dear!?”

Taro really needed to get used to Spencer’s way of talking, because that man was filled with sarcasm. He would soon start calling him ‘sweetheart’ or equally disgusting shit if Taro kept reacting like that.

Buggy wondered if something like that ever happened in his future? past? …ex-future? Remembering was hard, after trying so hard to bury every memory.

Some wolf whistles could be heard. Taro groaned like his life was filled with sorrow, and honestly -at least to Buggy- he was overreacting a ton. He remembered Spencer calling everyone weird nicknames and being called dear was the least disgusting.

Maybe he was in love with Spencer or something?

That was a weird thought.

Very fucking weird thought.

Not that Buggy was interested but he was curious about their fate if it was really the case. (He wondered if they found peace in each other, like Yui and Momora did.)

“Everybody, shut up! Stop the whistles, stop everything! This isn’t funny!”

Doringo let out an unholy cackle and Buggy knew, in that moment, he would be an asshole. “Ohh~ are you ordering the Captain around,Tora?”

“What- no!!”

“Why the violent reaction? Oh! would you prefer being called ‘dear’?”

Buggy rolled his eyes and let his eyes wander to Shanks.

Their eyes met.

Shanks hands found his and Buggy felt the need to grab it back with an strong grip. Clenching on Shanks everything, his hands, his soul voice, his breathing- Everything to keep him calm and collected on the surface and break him under the act he put on.

Depending like this to Roger would be hard, his father never really was there when he needed comfort after all. Just too distracted with adventures, new mysteries and new places. (But Captain always found a way to make it fair. He never really was there when Buggy wasn’t cracking at the seams but he would be there to hold him when he broke. Would be there with kind eyes, soft voice and a soul bigger than the sky.

His king- his father- his captain.

Was that really healthy?)

Buggy let Shanks drag him to their room, food abandoned.

Was he this needy towards Shanks before?

He couldn’t exactly remember.

Shanks shut the door with a force that literally screamed he was upset about something. And Buggy had a clear guess of why he was like this.

His one hand was still holding onto Buggy’s.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

What a stupid question. Honestly, Buggy got a million answers for that.

The first was that Shanks never really asked him to begin with, he just assumed everything on his own.

Like him just assuming everything was going fine with Buggy when they were young. But when he was a child and new on the ship, still a six years old snot nosed brat, everything was going downhill for him.

Unlike Shanks, maybe that was why he just assumed and never asked.

Shanks was brave, fucking fearless actually, lack the common sense Buggy held with all his might- And more importantly, Shanks was a king. This ship was the best place for him to be, with other kings and monsters.

In this ship, everyone only recognized the fire in his veins and welcomed him with warm eyes.

It was not like that with Buggy.

It was always Buggy who stood up like a sore thumb.

It used to hurt (still does)

When Shanks found a home, Buggy only found a cage; a cage he loved once but hated at the start. Even when he was younger, the only thing that kept him on the ship was Roger, Rayleigh, and maybe maybe Gaban. (And Shanks.)

But how could he explain that to Shanks? Also honestly, why would he?

“It wasn’t that important.”

“What?” He looked shocked, crossing the distance between them with quick steps. “How is that not important? He literally told you that you were not suited for the seas! Like that’s a new low, Buggy! You should have told me.”

Of course, Of-fucking-course that was what more important to Shanks. Not how not knowing observation haki could kill him someday or how being compared to him could damage him and his relationship with Shanks or others. Of course, someone saying that Buggy was not suited for the seas was more insulting than them not teaching Buggy how to survive.

Being angry was pointless but all this was really getting into his head.

Fucking Shanks.

All too trusting to the people he gave his heart to and all quick to anger just the same.

How he found the balance, Buggy always wondered.

“Quit it, Shanks.”

“But-”

A tired sigh left Buggy’s mouth and Shanks cut his own words with a click.

“I don’t wanna talk about it now.”

“But you will, right?” Shanks face carried an edge that Buggy didn’t know- just like the other night he gave Shanks his food- his face was nothing like Buggy remembered seeing from him. “If something like this happened again, or already happened, you would tell me right?”

“Why are you obsessing about this? This has nothing to do with you.”

“It does, Buggy. You have to tell me.”

“I don’t want to, Shanks.”

“Well, I don’t care!” His raised voice was not deep, nothing like his future voice. But this behavior was a shadow of his future and Buggy hated it.

Little king, thinking he could own him, thought he could order him around just because he wanted to. It was disgusting, it made him sick, made his stomach drop with disgust.

(Oh, and wasn’t that how his relationship with Shanks always worked? )

Buggy wouldn’t say a thing to Shanks, he would just make things harder because he wouldn’t understand.

Shanks never never understood.

Because he didn’t see the need for it. He just sat on his imaginary throne and did what he thought was important.

Buggy felt like he was choking just from thinking about it.

(Alcohol and cries, a bounty poster, grief day-)

Buggy’s breathing halted for a second.

He had very limited time with Shanks before eventually Buggy left everything about this ship and crew behind, just like what he did last time. He didn’t have time to fall into old patterns, even if it was justified in his eyes.

Familiar grief started to crawl into his heart.

He looked at Shanks’s eyes while playing with his fingers. Shanks was a core to Buggy’s being. Even if it frustrated him to think like that. Buggy grew up with him, learned and lived with him. Kept him near his heart and let him mess with it.

No matter how annoying Shanks could be, Buggy already lived a life carrying grief and regret. And being angry at Shanks would be just another regret that Buggy didn’t need.

Buggy had enough of those.

“Thank you for worrying.” Shanks’ eyes comically got bigger than possible and he sputtered, flushing bright red.

“What are you talking about? I was not worried!”

“Hmm…”

“I was not, you asshole!”

He let his lips stretch into a smirk. Trying to work Shanks up. “Oh, a bad word! Wonder what Rayleigh will say?”

“You- You wouldn’t.” Yes, he wouldn’t.

The idea of talking to Rayleigh about anything made his skin crawl.

“Try me, brat.” But Shanks didn’t need to know that.

Shanks let out a war cry that strangely sounded like “I’m not a brat!” and Buggy knew he found himself a distraction.

A fun one too.

Messing with others was always a fun distraction.

Chapter Text

Hours later, Buggy was still lying in their shared room. Shanks was long gone, murmuring something about food before he went.

Buggy was alone, lying on the floor with his haki stretched all over Oro Jackson. Even the sound of the waves and the swaying of the ship was not enough to get him to relax. He was still alert, thinking about letting his haki fade was too much now.

He scoffed.

What was not too much right now anyway?

He already established that he was in the past or another timeline where he was still eight or seven years old. And wasn’t that a mindfuck? What was he supposed to do now? It wasn’t a devil fruit freaky power or a nightmare or any other thing that he would pretty fucking much prefer over re-living his fucked up childhood.

It was very damn real, enough to make a mess out of his emotions.

He couldn’t do it again. He knew himself, it was near impossible for him to handle the possessive rage, the pitying glances, being just a shadow to another person again.

Wasn’t him nearly losing it just this morning was the proof of it? Nearly lost control just because of their pitying, ever-watching eyes. That would not do. Buggy was not a kid anymore, maybe in body but not in his mind. He lived too much, saw too much, felt too much; grief, love, freedom, jealousy- he felt it all.

People here, these ghosts that lingered, laughed and selfishly apologized, were long gone on his eyes. In Buggy’s memories this ship was in ruins, crew killing themselves with the strong grip of mourning, the king that looked perfectly alive just a headless body, little Red that laughed not like a drunkard but a kid was killed because of an old grudge.

Everything that continued to live, exist, feel on this ship was dead, their lives- so much proof of their personality covered up by filthy cowards, their feeling became nothing.

But Buggy loved them.

Buggy’s love was not an unnatural thing, not a thing that came fast and deep. Especially after his teens Buggy was always in control of his emotions, childish neediness left him easily after so much trauma- he knew his love now was shallow, quick to break and become loathing. It was not a thing he liked, but it was something that kept him alive for years.

Deep and measureless love would always breed weaknesses, Buggy couldn’t afford it in his teens and sometimes even in adulthood.

But in his childhood- Buggy loved, loved and loved. He could afford it in his younger years, the crew was not the best but they were not that cruel.

And Buggy was loyal. Loyal to his past, to his roots.

He was loyal to his Father, his King, his Captain and everything he entailed.

He was not that young anymore, his love was not the same, his fears more more more

But if he still loves his father deeply, was it really a weakness when the receiving person of his love was just as loyal as he is and more powerful than he could ever hope to be? Somehow, it was.

Buggy knew if he stayed on this ship, he would be miserable- fitting into old habits, old masks, old insecurities. He also knew that having a second life was a gift that most would crave for. When he let himself look at it rationally- without feelings clouding his judgment- wasting it on a desperate attempt to change something while not knowing if it would even work was a waste, something that could possibly damage him if he let himself hope and stay.

Buggy was tired. So very tired, so sick of everything.

Buggy was exhausted.

Curse him, he was also loyal to his core. Roger had his loyalty, even with his so many faults, he had Buggy’s loyalty and utmost trust.

Because his Captain raised him that way, fucking raised him to come back even when it would hurt him to do so. Make him miserable to do so. (Because Roger always laughed, laughed and never took no as an answer. It left scars on Buggy’s mind, left habits he had to waste years to suppress. Because being six years old, in a pirate ship where all of his begging to be freed only gained laughs left scars.)

(But Buggy loved his Captain. He fucking hated himself most of the time but he loved him.)

Buggy sometimes wondered if Roger did it knowingly.

But most of the time, Buggy was too focused on not thinking about it.

(Sometimes, when he had a little bit of alcohol and was too out of mind, enough to dare to think even a bit negatively about his Captain, Buggy was bitter.)

So yes, it was a weakness. Because this love could potentially end the little sanity he had left.

Buggy liked independence, respect, trust.

He would not get that here.

He let out a self deprecating huff, got up from where he was lying for the first time since Shanks left the room.

He knew his emotions and decision was all over the place, he knew that he was acting out of character; so careless, so reckless.

But Buggy was tired.

He let his haki search for the feeling of freedom-sunshine-sea and found it on the deck, radiating so many feelings that Buggy couldn’t even identify one.

It was weird.

But he had a question he needed to ask. Even if it’s weird, that needed to wait a bit.

He walked towards the soul voice he adored, feared and loved. Keeping his own soul voice locked strongly. On the deck, everybody was doing their own thing, but they were throwing anxious looks at Roger, or in Yui’s case, calculating.

Roger was sitting on the railing, away from others. Seemingly deep in thought.

Buggy wondered, just for a minute, if this thoughtful look was because of him? Could his Captain possibly have figured out that he was somewhat different?

He didn’t know what he would do if it was the case. (Relieved, he would be relieved.)

He didn’t dare to sit near him, he would rather not drown if he lost his balance, but leaned into the railing. So very close to his Captain and blissfully away from the others. Not a second later his Father’s eyes locked into his.

He seemed startled but his expression soon turned into a weird mix between concerned and proud.

Buggy didn’t know what to think about that.

“You are seriously good at suppressing your voice, Buggy!” Roger’s voice was a bit stilled. He raised his arm and, before Buggy could flinch away from it, he hugged him with one arm. “I’m proud of you, so very much.”

What?

Buggy turned to Roger, his neck hurting a little because of the speed. “You are proud of me?”

This time he flinched, he didn’t mean to sound like that. Roger froze, too. “Of course I’m proud of you. You are one of mine. Nothing will ever change that.” He was frowning, the weird feeling of Roger’s soul getting more and more mixed.

Buggy felt like crying. Ever since he came back here, to Oro, it seemed like he was no better than a crybaby.

He always knew that his Captain loved them, he always knew that they held a little of their Captain’s heart in their hands.

But years upon years, he never thought his Captain was proud of him. (His Captain looked at Shanks -when Shanks was facing away from them- with the most proud look, but he never looked at Buggy like that. It was always Shanks. Little king.)

He never heard him say it. (He also never heard him say he loved him, too. But well, years on Pirate King’s ship showed him that possessiveness was as good as love as it could get.)

(Yeah, he also knew that it was not a healthy thought.)

(He was starting to doubt his love for his Father was healthy too.)

When his eyes burned with a need to cry, he only let himself get a little closer to Roger. Even though it was a bit hard, with the way one of them was sitting on the railing and one of them was just leaning.

Roger’s arm held him a little bit tighter and Buggy let his observation haki fade.

(Buggy felt so so very stupid.)

They stayed like that for a while, silence fell upon them. Buggy’s hands were shaking, who was he kidding, his whole body was shaking.

Buggy was never a particularly brave man. And in front of his supposedly dead captain? He was undoubtedly a coward.

But one thing was certain. He had to ask. For himself, he had to ask.

“Captain?”

Roger’s eyes once again found his, now Buggy didn’t have the luxury to stop.

“If one of us died and you had a chance to change it, make it as if one of us never died, would you use it?”

Roger looked confused, a little angry- even the thought of them dying making his face twist with fury. Buggy’s lips tugged downward at the edges, his Father’s answer was clear.

“What? Of course I would!”

Buggy closed his eyes and counted his breaths. “Even if that person wanted to be dead?” Because his Father’s death was a suicide. No matter what other people liked to believe, it was undoubtedly a suicide.

“I don’t care! None of mine is dying!”

He let out a shaky breath, letting his eyes open.

“I understand.”

He needed to make a list, as soon as possible. Fuck the idea of leaving, it had to stay as an idea. If he wanted Roger to live, it would change so many things. He needed to plan everything from the scratch and had to be careful.

First- the medicine. The one Strawhat’s purple girl gave him the recipe.

He needed to visit Kureha. That woman was the best doctor Buggy ever saw. But how? He couldn’t exactly leave this- “Why did you ask?”

“Just a thought.”

Roger didn’t voice his suspicion about his answer, just let out a quiet ‘hmm’ and let the silence fall on them again.

They stayed like that for hours, and at some point Shanks joined them. Sitting on the railing just like Roger.

(Buggy was scared of his future, so damn scared, and wondered if Roger sensed that too. After all, he let out his soul voice a while ago. He also wondered if it was why his arm on his shoulder kept holding him just a little bit tighter than Shanks.)

Chapter Text

For the first time in his life, Roger didn’t know what to do.

Roger was painfully aware that something was different than before since Buggy came to his room in the middle of the night, it was hard to not notice after all. Something was out of place, something was so dreadfully afoot.

Something about Buggy.

Roger was not a fool like most assumed. Or was he a blind man, at least the last time he checked.

He saw, he noticed, he worried and he seethed.

One of his legacies, one of his crew, one of his.

Something changed in between one second and next, and in the end Roger failed to stop it- because he didn’t even notice it. Buggy was… different, more robotic, more… different.

Something must have gone terribly wrong, something must have happened. Something that made one of his people look at him with longing, even though he was not yet gone. Even though he didn’t plan on dying, even though everything was the same for Roger, before he saw an old battered man’s gaze on the little kid he claimed as his. His to protect, his to grow, his to just… be his.

He was sure, something happened and Roger failed to notice.

Because just a little while ago one of his came to him, one of his kids, in the deep of the night- looked at him like he was looking at a sight to behold, to treasure, to mourn. It felt good to deserve to be looked at like that. Then it felt terrible, when a little body babbled ‘Captain’ over and over again like he was praying for something to come and make everything better. A little body, with such grief.

Roger didn’t know what to do.

There was a suddenness to the event that Roger didn’t understand. There was nothing wrong with anything that morning. Yeah, the brat cried and shouted a lot but that was ordinary in the big scheme of things. Buggy was an animated one, hilarious when he shouted especially. It was normal.

It was ordinary.

But then he came to Roger’s door, with a face that was filled with quiet grief, and cried. Roger’s kid in all but blood cried like his whole world was shattering, and it was such a silent thing. So silent, but at the same time so violent. So out of character for the boy Roger knew, because Roger’s kids cried with all of their heart and body, both of them. They cried with sobs louder than screams. Buggy more so than Shanks. It was unusual for Buggy to cry like… like he was scared of making noise. Like even if his world was shattering under his feet, he could not afford to make a noise.

Why?

Who did this to his?

Roger was concerned.

Because his kid knew how to hide his soul’s voice, his kid knew how to hide it and did it too well. Too well for a kid under his protection.

None of his crew need to hide from people. (Ah, Buggy would laugh if he ever heard that.)

Not when Roger wanted and wanted and protect what was his.

And Roger could even bet on his hat that Buggy didn’t even notice he hid it, did it because of a habit, because of a need to disappear. Because things like that only happened unknowingly when a person wanted to disappear, wanted to not be seen. Why?

A habit, huh?

A habit he unknowingly got back to at Roger’s ship.

Why?

Didn’t Buggy know Roger would kill to protect him?

Didn’t his kid know he would shake the whole ocean if one of his was ever threatened?

Roger was confused.

Why, why the hell did the brat that Roger claimed as his cabin boy, as one of his crew, felt the need to hide on the plain side on Roger’s ship?

Especially when he didn’t do it earlier, even when he was acting like he didn’t like being on Roger’s crew?

Why now?

Also Roger could feel in his bones that Buggy lied about how he learned it because it was a ‘theft trick’. Roger could feel in his heart that he lied about doing it because ‘Who would know when he could see a loaded person?’. Roger could notice when his brats bullshit on the spot, soul voice or not.

And buggy was lying through his teeth at that moment.

Roger felt upset.

And more important than that,

Why would one his look surprised when he only said that he was proud of them, wasn’t that obvious? Of course Roger was proud. Buggy was his to raise, his to thrive, his yo protect.

Roger chose him, just like how he chose Shanks.

Why?

Why would one of his hide things from him? things like how his right hand, his first mate, told them hurtful things. Things that could mess up everything Roger tried for, things that could potentially damage connection between his crew.

Things that could damage the self-respect of his yet only seven years old cabin boy.

Why?

Why would one of his brats ask about death to him?

Who does Roger need to kill?

Roger was- is furious.

He wants to know.

He wants the dead body of whoever did this to his brat on his sword.

Roger wants to know.

One way, or another.

His arms around his kid, his cabin boy, tightened.

Everybody and their mother knew he was a selfish one.

Buggy’s time in his Father’s arms came to an end when Gaban intervened.

Gaban shouted. “Hey! Who wants to look at the new rookie bounties? Rumor says that some of them wants to fight us.” That definitely caught Buggy’s interest. He already knew the time-line’s bare bones, enough to knew that Edd War was far ahead and Roger’s illness didn’t even appear yet. But to be honest, bounties would be a big help. He still remembered some of the bigger ones and when they began to be a pain in the ass.

Some delighted screams were heard, most of the more adrenaline obsessed fools on the ship making their excitement over a promise of a fight clear. Shanks and his father included.

Buggy winced when Roger let out a “Finally!” Rayleigh glared at him but there was a clear grin on his face. Roger didn’t seem to notice his glaring or grin though, he just got down from the railing, threw himself in the thrilled chaos on the deck.

Shanks’ disappointment was clear, as was the crew’s crushing relief. If Buggy had to guess, Shanks was disappointed Roger left their side so easily and the crew was probably relieved because Roger was not sulking now.

Not outwardly at least.

Buggy still felt his mess of emotions, even though he didn’t understand why. There was an idea, a guess of course… Buggy ignored the warmth that thought provided him, ignored the soft smile that threatened to speared to his face.

He hid his pres- soul voice knowingly this time. Even if the only ones that could clearly feel his emotions would be Roger or he was that particularly unlucky Rayleigh or Doringo, not worth the risk.

Not safe enough to let anyone feel his raw feelings- (he ignored how all that apprehensiveness about letting his guard down disappeared when he was standing close to his captain.

A little slip up was normal, that man was his everything when he was still alive.)

“Hell yeah! Some ass-kicking!”

“Language, you fucke-stupid.”

Buggy too, left the place he was standing and followed his Captain to the middle of the chaos that Roger pirate’s was. Spencer took the bounties from Gaban’s hands in a swift motion, smirking when Gaban left out an angry huff but noticeably didn’t protest.

Spencer cleared his throat and positioned himself so everybody could clearly see him, his chronically over dramatic personality made itself seen again. “So, all the motherfuckers and all the assholes that i clearly despise but have to tolerate~” Rayleigh cut his words with a ‘can you fucking stop swearing for a damn minute, for the love of-’ “Anyway, we have bounty posters~ a total of four~”

“Can you just show them, you are annoying me.” Yui said in a very deadpan tone, Momora let out a nervous chuckle and and told Yui “Let it be, isn’t it funny a little?”

“No, Not at all. My brain can’t handle his over-dramatic ass right now. I can’t stand it, even for you.”

Spencer looked like was going to answer, something akin to mischievousness blooming on his face but before he could Seagull stole the bounties from him with an impressive side eye and started to show them one by one to everyone. “I agree with Yui, shut the fuck up please Spencer. Its too late for your shit.”

“The sun literally just set!”

This time it was Doringo that answered, a sarcastic smirk and raised eyebrows adorning his face.“Exactly.”

All of the crew ignored Roger’s laugh and Spencer’s whining about them being boring.

Buggy hurriedly looked at the bounties, it could be a big clue for him to really understand what time he was in. After all, he decided to stay on this ship until the very end. He didn’t plan on being a slacker this time. Sunbell showed the bounties with no show, three of the four were unknown to Buggy… but the last one, he remembered.

A rookie group that didn’t last long, all of them died in the first week they entered the New world.

Buggy could feel a crushing relief, this pirates debuted only when it was the first time Buggy and Shanks traveled the new world with Roger pirates. A time where Rayleigh was just starting to teach them, of course long enough after he gave up on Buggy entirely. A time where they just learned Buggy and Shanks names. A time where Buggy was still not close with most of them, unlike Shanks.

The time when he was just a seven years old brat.

Buggy could work with this just fine.

He finally had a solid timeline. Finally. He need to make a plan. The first time he ever traveled to the new world was just for one year. One year of hell and they came back to the calm seas.

There would still be plenty of time for him to pull a middle finger to his captain’s death after they came back from the dead filled sea.

His Father’s Captain’s illness only started to take root when buggy was 10 years old, right now Buggy supposed to be just turned seven.

Buggy had time, he could fucking work everything out.

He was so damn relieved.

Then Gaban’s strict tone cut through his relaxed state, made him focus on the bounties again. “It seems like the first two rookie’s are after us. Quite a bold group of kids if you ask me, some of my network told me they nearly shouted about taking Captain’s head every island they set their feet.” Buggy tensed at how Gaban’s voice got scarily deep and leering. So close to scorning those pirates when he called them ‘kids’.

What a big self confidence.

Roget let out another laugh, this time Rayleigh and Seagull joining him with big, mocking laughs. Others just content with those predatory smirk on their faces, Shanks included. Buggy felt so out of place, but that wasn’t a new thing after all.

Roger’s voice vibrated through the ship, loud and filled with easy confidence. Almost childish- Buggy would believe it if His Captain’s soul voice was still filled with too many emotions.

“Let them come! This is gonna be fun!”

He had to get used to all of this again. What a joke.

(He missed his own crew so damn much-)

Conversation flew through again after that, Buggy didn’t tried to get involved. Just watched them with thoughtful eyes from the sidelines, alone.

Buggy… buggy had to stay now. His Captain ordered, without knowing it was an order of course but whatever. His Captain said that none of them were going to die.

Buggy had to.. had to stay, make a plan and-

And-

His nails started to bite into his skin, too tight fists clenched.

Buggy had to stay here now, with all the people that wronged him in so many ways, in so many shapes. With people that he buried a long ago, with people that he gave his heart and let them break it in his youth. He had to stay here, he had to protect them when they were never ever there when he was not physically hurt.

He had to stay here. He couldn’t leave them.

He felt the blood drip from his fists.

What a terrible joke.

Sometimes Buggy wondered if loyalty was his fatal flaw. Because, if he wanted to protect Shanks, protect the crew, protect his Father- from an illness or whatever: that meant that he was going to risk everything, that meant he was going to risk every little card he held close to his chest in his previous life.

That meant he had to give up from his old crew, the one that held him when he broke down, the one that apologized so freaking much, the one that taught him how to calm himself down from a panic attack, the one that held him more dear than any adventure.

Buggy’s eyes got locked into his fathers figure. All booming voice and a D’s recklessness.

Buggy wouldn’t die for this crew, Buggy wouldn’t gave up on anything for this crew, Buggy wouldn’t do shit for this crew-

But for Roger? Buggy would die and live for Roger.

A promise from a son to a father.

“Oh! Captain! Isn’t that whitebeard’s ship?”

Chapter Text

Buggy’s eyes immediately found the person that asked that damn question. His face went extremely pale in mere seconds, because seriously, Whitebeard?

That was a man that he didn’t want to get near. Especially not now. Also if his memory was serving him right, it would be the very first time he ever saw the man in this… dimension, in this life. So, hell no.

He respected the man, honestly that much was obvious. Whitebeard led an impressive life, a monster that created a big family for himself and protected them like how a dragon protected its hoard. Buggy was there when he died, at the sidelines. Buggy was there when he gave his last order to his crew- ‘Live!’, asked his last question- ‘Was i a good Father?’

Buggy was there, saw his dead body, heard his crew, his family- his hoards screams of grief. He sometimes remembered it randomly, when he was drinking with Marco on a random island, being pitiful together with a person that also lived to see their Father’s death and lived beyond it. He remembered it and hated himself.

Jealousy was a strong emotion, an unfair one.

Really, what he fucking did to deserve this? Whitebeard was fine and all, but he was annoying and being on their ship or worse having to fight them would be a fucking terrifying experience. No matter his age, fighting with Whitebeard would always be fucking terrifying. Even with how Roger pirate’s fights with Whitebeard always more like a friendly spar, that didn’t matter!

Terrifying, the lots of them.

Roger ordered between his delighted laugh “Oh, Newgate? Yeah! Turn the ship boys, we are going to pay a visit to them!”

Buggy flinched hard at his words, the universe really hated him.

This whole situation was proof of it.

Buggy’s attention returned to their conversation when he heard Shank’s excited voice, getting a bit annoyed because what the fuck- wasn’t it the first time this brat ever saw them? Why was he excited?

“Whitebeards? Isn’t that a very strong crew?!”

Fucking little king. Buggy finally left where he was standing alone and quickly walked to Shank’s side. A scowl on his face, completely ignored his bloody hands. The most important thing was slapping some sense into this red headed mess before he became just like Buggy remembered.

A drunkard that drank until he couldn’t, fought until he couldn’t, acted reckless as hell until he couldn’t.

Really, what was this little brat’s game? If he used his common sense, at least a freaking bit, he would understand that it was not a good thing. Motherfucker didn’t even know what was the deal between Roger and Newgate! And he was a freaking kid! He wasn’t supposed to be excited about a freakishly strong crew getting near him. Fucking king! And that’s why Buggy couldn’t stand kings! İdiot, a total idiot Shanks was!

Shanks jumped a little in excitement, unaware of the slap he was going to receive. “Are we gonna fight them! Are we! Please-” Shanks shut up real quick when Buggy’s slap landed on his head, he stumbled forward because of the strength Buggy put into his slap without noticing. Shanks let out furious wordless sounds and immediately turned to look at who did it. His anger seemed to grew when he saw it was Buggy. Adults were useless, as usual, they just watched the incoming drama with various levels of amusement and confusion.

“Bastard! Bug, why did you slap me!?” Shanks looked at Buggy with a frown and latched on his collar, brought Buggy close to him by using his grip on it, ready to start a shouting match.

Buggy didn’t care.

Buggy also didn’t care about keeping his language decent. What was the news, he was annoyed and Shanks always had a weird ability to annoy him until he literally felt like exploding.

“Why did you fucking got excited, Motherfucker?! Don’t you know which crew they are talking about right now? Any of them could fucking kill you with their freaking pinky if they ever wished to!” Buggy’s volume matched Shanks. Buggy could hear Spencer laugh, probably because of how much he cursed. He could hear Roger’s dramatic shriek of ‘I didn’t teach him that!’ and how Rayleigh spoke, saying ‘I’m giving up.’

Buggy could hear laughs and chuckles.

So annoying.

Shanks seemed to think so too if his clenched jaw and big furrow was anything to go by. But probably not because he was annoyed by others reaction. No, Buggy was aware. Shanks didn’t understand Buggy’s point, probably took it as an insult to his person. Even though it was a fact, a harsh truth of the universe

Shanks didn’t understand, and Buggy wanted him to.

Sometimes Buggy really wanted to be wrong about his way of thinking, his way of escaping any kind of communication with Monsters.

Buggy sometimes really wanted to be wrong about how monsters and kings didn’t understand ordinary people like Buggy, he wanted to be wrong about how he didn’t understand them too.

Buggy really wanted to be wrong because sometimes, sometimes he wanted to be understood.

Understood by Shanks, or Roger, or-

Buggy just wanted to-

He would be feeling this desperation to be understood more on this ship, now that he decided to stay.

Just like the old times.

What a joke.

“Huh! What are you fucking talking about, I’m not weak!” He shook Buggy violently by his collar, Buggy could feel a growl wanting to escape from his mouth, and he let it out. He was snarling and wearing a matching frown with Shanks.

Buggy bared his teeth, a silent threat. An unusual behavior for his kid self, kid Buggy would be giving up by now- submissively taking back what he said and trying to flee the scene. Not that this Buggy cared or remembered that, not even how Shanks blanched with shock when he saw him baring his teeth managed to get him back to his senses. It didn’t manage to break his annoyed side and make him back down.

His grieving side.

In his first life Buggy changed, and by the gods, was he unstable. Yes, yes Buggy was. He was aware. Most of the time, the only thing that kept him sane in his first life was his crew and their never ending help. Buggy was a mess of tainted intelligence, cowardliness, anger and spite. That was one of the reasons why he wanted to escape this hell hole of a crew and start an entirely new life. Because he was unstable, and he knew that acting like an unbroken reflection of himself would make him more and more unstable in the long run.

He was making so many mistakes already,with how he ran to his Captain room, with what happened at lunch, with revealing he could hide his soul voice, with saying that he could use observation haki, with how he talked with Rayleigh and-

He normally acted more logical than this. Now, it seemed like he only acted on his emotions.

But Roger, Captain-

Yeah.

With Mohji not being on his side, with him not being among his crew, with him not being at Big Top, he was… an emotional wreck.

Wasn’t he thinking about making a plan just minutes ago, how could he possibly do that if he himself was not acting logical at all. How could he do what he has to do if he just can’t manage to control his own emotions?

Buggy had to stop thinking, he realized. Not the place, and definitely not the time for self sabotage.

Buggy knew that someone being a bit bent towards the wrong side never mattered to this crew, they would get used to it if he didn’t gave them too many hints.

Yuri’s sadistically amused tone ringed on Buggy’s ears right at that moment. “Oh, little scared kitty finally showing his claws, it only took one or so year.” Others laughed, amused. Roger’s laugh came a bit late, emotions open for Buggy to read but- but Buggy didn’t have the patience to read them.

Not this time.

It only flamed Buggy’s fire.

“I’m not talking about you being weak, asshole! Who do you take me as? I’m talking about them being way more fucking strong, I’m talking about facts! Why can’t you understand? Why can’t you try and understand me just for one fucking time, Red!” Buggy’s volume went up and up in contrast to how he felt, he felt a bit weak. So weak that his face got a bit weird and soft in the edges, filled with a plea.

Shanks froze.

Nobody but Shanks did notice the change on Buggy, too busy with their own amusement. Talking about how Buggy finally gained a spine. Like just hours ago, their first mate didn’t apologize to Buggy in front of them for similar reasons.

Buggy tried to ignore how Roger laughed too, seemingly not easily and a bit stilled but Roger laughed too.

Buggy ignored them with all his might.

And Shanks loosened his grip on Buggy’s collar, looking at him with a thoughtful look.

Buggy didn’t avert his gaze, looking straight at his eyes.

Shanks swallowed, and did something surprising. He petted Buggy’s hair, seemingly uncertain, likely copying Captain. Still when his warm hands found Buggy’s blue hair, Buggy felt the anger drain out of him.

A new thing, this didn’t happen in the Buggy’s first life. “I will not die, you know? I will not.”

Buggy’s breath caught on his throat. Both of them pretended that Buggy’s eyes weren’t filled with tears.

Liar.

Sunbell’s cheerful voice cut through their little time, “We are getting closer, Captain!” And sure enough, without Buggy noticing Oro Jackson got really close to Moby, so very close that Buggy could see Whitebeard sitting on his throne like chair. Looking straight at them.

He felt a shiver of anxiety at the same time he heard an awe filled ‘wow’ from Shanks.

Roger put on his signature smile and shouted “Permission to come aboard, Newgate?! We came to party!”

Whitebeard’s loud, nonetheless very familiar laughter filled up the space before he talked, sounding so young. “Granted! You are lucky that I’m in the mood for it, Roger!”

Buggy really had to be hated by the universe because it just kept putting him in very stressful very fucked up situations.

What a joke.

Chapter Text

As a result, he found himself in Moby while Shanks held his hand. His Captain was being all buddy buddy with Whitebeard, hard hand shakes and all loud laughs- even though Whitebeard was grinning more than he laughed. It was not a surprise, he always had the impression that the most genuine of Whitebeard's laughs was something he saved solely for his ‘children’ and nobody else.

The same 'children' who immediately started eyeing him and Shanks, the only new faces, as soon as they set foot on Moby. Really, Buggy was very aware that curiosity was a strong emotion but didn’t they ever heard 'Curiosity killed the cat?’ 

He tried to push Shanks behind others, out of sight out of mind, but when he looked he, annoyingly, realized that every other Roger pirate spread throughout the ship like they owned it. Leaving Shanks and Buggy plain in sight- in the middle of another crew’s ship.

A little common sense, that was the only thing Buggy wanted from them.

He wanted to bang his head to a wall and rethink all of his life choices.

By how amused, mischievous, Gaban looked, even while talking to someone from Whitebeard's crew, Buggy was positive to say those assholes did it knowingly. Why, he was unsure. And that realization did not stop him from tensing like a cornered animal in the slightess. Buggy could feel his skin begin to itch,probably from the stress. ( He thought he was over that but guess not .)

 All these eyes, and damn the height difference. It was borderline humiliating to be this short among these giant looking men. And women, of course.

Buggy swallowed. 

It was even more humiliating and downright anxiety-inducing when Whitebeard looked down at Shanks and him, his focus solely on them but also.. not? It was like he was only looking at an object.

It made Buggy feel insignificant, unimportant.

Maybe he was supposed to be glad for that.

"I didn't know you gained yourself two brats, Roger." 

Buggy's whole body tensed at his voice.

His thought process immediately went into overdrive.

He knew, logically, that this man wouldn't dare to harm them. Whitebeard and his crew was more like a friend than an enemy for Roger pirates, it was like that ever since he met them. Even after Captain died, it was a fact that Whitebeard pirates were an important ally, almost a friend for Roger pirates.

Also another fact was how Whitebeard and his crew were made of bleeding hearts, they wouldn't hurt children, especially not the children in Gol. D. Roger's protection. Adding the proof,  Buggy could remember something like this happening in his first life too, remember standing still and trembling under a powerful gaze, still seven years old and so freaking young to stand in front of such a powerful man. ( 'Hey, Red nose, if you are that afraid, why are you still on the sea?')

He didn't kill him the first time, why would he now?

His body made a decision before his mind did.

Buggy took a step in front of the Shanks, not enough for Shanks to notice but enough to protect him from Whitebeard's gaze. If those assholes left them alone, in plain sight, on a supposed stranger’s ship, Buggy would at least make sure Shanks would be at his back, would be shielded from Whitebeard gaze even for a little bit. Not that the brat was uncomfortable or even aware of the gaze Whitebeard was directing at them. Too busy looking at the crew and the ship with an awed gaze, Buggy didn't have that luxury yet. The only things he let his eyes rift towards for a few seconds were possible escape routes that would lead back to Oro jackson or possible places to hide.

Whitebeard could look at Buggy however he wanted. Buggy didn't care about looking down upon, or being on the receiving end of a power show, or being seen as an object rather than a human. But the way Whitebeard was looking at Shanks was pissing Buggy off, putting him on an edge that made him too tense to do anything but make possible hundred plans to run.

He didn't notice how Roger was looking at him- not to Shanks and him. Just looking at Buggy -,  didn't notice how Roger stayed silent even when Whitebeard asked him a clear question.

On the other hand Buggy did notice how Whitebeard's one eyebrow lifted slightly when he prevented him from looking at Shanks.

Whitebeard's eyes focused on him properly, looking at him and seeing him. Buggy shuddered a little, his limbs going dangerously numb. No matter the time, Whiteboard was a scary man if you dare to be anything but his aly. Buggy felt the kind of feeling that made you think  'yeah, i'm going to die today'. It was ridiculous, really, that would definitely not happen, everybody in the crew was here, His Captain was here. Roger would always protect Shanks and him from getting hurt by another pirate. 

But him thinking like that meant nothing if his instincts, all of his hard earned ( really hard earned ) battle instincts screamed at him to protect Shanks. The desire to protect this little king was unfamiliar to him, it threw him off but he stood his ground and looked straight at Whitebeard, slightly tugging Shanks hand to push him more out of Whitebeard's vision. Maybe a bit much but this man, the pirate in front of him, held people hostage when he took a liking to them. Held them on his ship even when they screamed and lashed out like a cornered animal.

Just like what he did to Portgas D. Ace. (Buggy didn't forget or forgive him for that-)

Whitebeard was the kindest out of all the king's Buggy met, at least in his opinion. 

But that didn't mean Buggy would trust him with Shanks or his well being, still a boy with fire in his heart and determination shining through his eyes. Exactly like how Whitebeard liked his children to be. That didnt mean he would trust Whitebeard to not hurt Buggy’s red.

Huh? When did anything start belonging to Buggy?

Shanks was - is -his own person, nobody belongs to anyone.

When did-

No, no, fuck no. Not the time.

Not. the. time.

He swallowed again, clenching his hands into fists.

And for the record, Buggy also didn't trust Whitebeard to not kidnap Shanks.

Whitebeard not kidnapping Shanks in the first round didn't mean shit, even a slight chance of it happening was freaking Buggy out.

(Protect the crew.-)

Whitebeard’s lips twisted up, Buggy grew tense- waiting for him to say something. However the only thing that left Whitebeard's lips was a sudden laugh. Buggy didn't understand. What was so amusing? He wanted to scream to Whitebeard’s ear about how disgusting it was of him to enjoy a kid's anxiety but he held himself back from doing it with his last working survival instinct. Immediately he wrapped Moby with his observation haki, making sure nobody was near them with the intention of hurting Shanks. Or him, he was not looking for death, thank you very much.

It seemed his reaction only made Whitebeard laugh more. Frustrating old man, did his age messed up with his sense of humor too? That would explain many things- well, Buggy eyed whitebeard's shiny blond hair, how old is he now anyway?

Whitebeard's next words pulled him out of his thoughts, but left him unsure and confused, "A protective one, huh. That was unexpected, brat. Tell me, what's your name?"

Well, one thing was sure, it was so different from his first direct words to Buggy in his previous life. This time, the old bastard didn't even call him ‘red-nose’ or something similar.

At the very least, that question didn’t seem to only throw him off. For some weird reason, a younger version of Marco (He looked so young- without glasses and hopeless eyes and- ) perked up at the tone of Whitebeard's voice. Some other crew members seemed to freeze at their places too, Buggy could even spot Vista facepalm.

Buggy was so damn confused about where this conversation was going.

Buggy hesitated, opening and closing his mouth- words escaped him. Not knowing what to do, he glanced at Shanks. For what, even Buggy didn't know- it just seemed like the right thing to do. They made eye contact, Shanks was already looking at him. His sharp eyes taking in their position and how he was pulled behind Buggy. Completely silent for once.

Buggy was the first one to break and look away, like always.

A reminder of old times.

No, just no.

That only put Buggy more on edge. As Shanks tightened his grip on their hands, he could feel a sense of tension between.

Buggy didn't turn to look at him again.

He looked at his Captain instead, Roger only showed him his signature smile, Though it looked shadowed with something that Buggy couldn’t give a fuck in that moment, the purpose of the smile was clear: ‘ Oh, you are on your own this time ’. Seriously, what was even happening. Last hope, Buggy turned towards the others, trying really hard to just find someone to answer instead of him but they kept talking with the members of Whitebeard's crew. Not even sparing him a second glance.

Buggy had to answer himself then. Unfair, he barely kept himself from scowling like an elderly man.

Nerve wracking, so damn nerve wracking.

"My name is Buggy." Buggy tilted his head to the side, mimicking a curious kid, playing pretend always made him feel more in control. "Why?" 

Whitebeard smiled, it felt like foreshadowing.

“Buggy, huh? What a cute name for a brat.”

His eyes widened almost comically.

Buggy gaped for a second, getting more and more hesitant at this different attitude directed at him. Should he be offended? or maybe not? Being called ‘cute’ would be seen as an insult to other people, so maybe, probably? What was he supposed to do? Should he throw a tantrum? No! No, stupid solution. Maybe he should say.. thank you? Would that be appropriate?

He flinched at the chuckle he heard, he must have taken a bit long to react. 

Buggy turned towards the noise and scowled, only finding Shanks' amusement. He could feel the warmth spreading through his cheeks from embarrassment, his face twisted and he let out an angry huff. Speaking louder than necessary, “It’s not funny!”

Shanks pressed his lips together, clearly trying to hold back his laughter but only making Buggy’s embarrassment worse because he was so obviously failing . “You sure?”

Buggy glared at him, as if to say ‘Seriously?... This bitch.’ How much he managed to convey with just one look was lost on him but it seemed like he at least managed enough, because Shanks held up his hands in a clear gesture of surrender, finally getting his laughter under control. Still his face was twisted in amusement, it annoyed the shit out of Buggy. He glared at him, face red.

Shanks simply shrugged and looked away.

( They always had a way of communicating, even when the words betrayed them- it was like something natural, something ordinary. They were Shanks and Buggy. Red and Blue. Words didn't mean much for them when they felt so much like two pieces of the same soul. When, even Buggy, could admit that. )

(... Didn't he hate being called ‘blue’, when did he started think of himself like that again in his mind- when did he-)

He tightened his hold on Shanks hands, the panic that was making its way around his feeling seemed to disappear without him noticing. 

Shanks was undoubtedly dear to him. (“ He is long dead. You can't bring back the dead by drinking to your grave, Captain.”)

“Hm, brat. Tell me, why are you acting like I will kill your precious friend over there?” Roger froze, Buggy froze, Shanks froze- he could feel their eyes on him.

He blanched, going on defensive right away. “I’m not acting like that, what do you mean?” He grimaced at his fast words and disrespectful tone, good going with all ‘appropriate response’ thing.

It was so frustrating how Whitebeard just leaned on his side, putting his head on his palm at Buggy’s answer, looking like he was just indulging a kid’s unreasonable words.

“Is that so?”

Yeah, so irritating.

Out of nowhere, a high pitched voice cut through- Buggy had to take a second to process when he noticed it was Marco who spoke. Mirth sparkled in his eyes ,even in this situation something was pretty funny about that scary, badass Marco being in the middle of the awkward phase of voice changing.

it was a far cry from the voice he used to have, a deep baritone voice that demanded to be listened to.

(Well, it was the case when Marco was not crying. Obviously. When Marco cried, it grabbed attention- Marco cried loud, a sobbing mess in all honesty- it was only those times that Buggy ever heard his voice sound pathetic and pitiful. 

There was something about how he was so used to being allowed to cry as loud as he wanted, so even if he tried to silence his cries after everyone Marco called ‘family’ died, he failed miserably.

There was something about how, compared to Marco, Buggy only cried quietly as possible.)

“Hey! What's your favorite food?”

Buggy balanced, because what the hell? That was so out of pocket.

Someone immediately slapped Marco’s head, they seemed to be a mini version of Izou. A future commander.

They hissed, “You idiot! He is a part of the Roger pirates!”

Mini and apparently sassier version of Marco answered with an eye roll and crossed arms, “Well, obviously, but Pops used the voice - you know what that means! It means we will have a baby brother!”

Buggy eyes got impossibly wider, what the hell? “What!” 

His words echoed in Shanks and Roger's voice, Captain seemed to immediately straighten. Finally taking this, whatever this was, seriously.

That was good because Buggy had no idea about what was happening.

It was freaking him out.

He stumbled, almost falling face first if Shanks wasn't holding his arm in a death grip.

Chapter Text

Buggy could feel the familiar hollow feeling reach for his senses, making everything seem more unreal. Whitebeard, the emperor, wanting him as a son? Impossible. Unreal, too much.

Nobody would want Buggy in their crew, in their family, that easily. Especially with his weak, young body. Only fools like Roger (or desperate, grieving kids like Shanks) would want him.

Whitebeard had a ship full of people that would bare their neck, let him kill them if he just asked. Buggy would not fit, Buggy wouldn’t expose his vulnerability to Whitebeard- not in a million years. Marco must have misunderstood, Whitebeard didn’t need him. Him, Buggy the clown , who was just a seven years old kid. With nothing to his name, with no noteworthy power to impress a man at his caliber, with no charming personality. Just Buggy, with his seven years old body, with the fact that he is one of Roger’s permanently attached to his soul like a brand.

It had to be fake.

Nevertheless everyone seemed to believe it, Buggy could see how his Captain basically fumed- a rage Buggy got used to see on his face since a life time ago. “What does your brat means, Newgate?” His captain’s low voice brought shivers to Buggy’s spine. The possessive echo in it terrified him, made him want to lash out and made his father Captain remember that he was not a toy he had any say over- even though Roger very much had.

It didn’t make him feel good when Shanks glared at Marco,it didn’t please him when Momora glared and reached for his sword as if to get ready for a fight,it didn’t make him warm inside when others followed close- even Spencer.

It was just Marco saying bullshit, Buggy was sure.

There was only two pirates that would want him on their ship and none of them was Whitebeard. In his opinion, everyone was getting needlessly pissed. (Marco’s mad cackles were just doing wonders for his temper too, especially because his cackles blended with the curses Shanks was spitting out and creating a very very annoying mix of sounds.)

To Buggy’s confusion, Whitebeard didn’t seem to mind a fight was about to break out. He just sat there and smirked, it accured to Buggy that he was getting used as an excuse to piss his Captain off.

It was not a nice feeling. Whitebeard probably only wanted a good fight, something much like intrigue was falling off his soul like waves on the sea. Old Whitebeard would never do that, wouldn’t piss someone off like Roger when he knew for a fact that his crew would have to be involved too. Would never take the risk.

This Whitebeard was immature, not yet the big (good) pirate that took his last breath on the battlefield he went to save a son.

It made him feel relieved.

But is seemed to anger his Captain more, Roger snapped “Just what your blond brat is implying, Newgate!”

Buggy could basically smell the blood bath coming, Captain looked terrifying right now- out of his mind and ready to slit some throat. This time if a fight broke out, it would be a serious one.

(Buggy didn’t understand why Shanks giggled like something good was about to happen, did he forget everything Buggy said to him?)

He admired Whitebeard’s ability to stay laid back in front of Roger, it felt like arrogance to Buggy- But he was sure Whitebeard’s crew thought that about Roger too. To a son, their father was invincible, for better or worse.

The tension grew, Buggy begged, wished for it to not snap. He thought his wishes was heard when Whitebeard spoke, “No, I have no eyes on your kids Roger.”

No words would be enough to describe the relief Buggy felt, potential chaos avoided. Or so he thought.

“Unless the blue one wants to be one of mine that is.”

His breath got stuck on his throat.. What?

What did he say?

Spencer’s voice suppressed the sudden static like noise that filled his ears, Buggy turned to look at him. He looked like he wanted to bite Whitebeard’s neck off, Buggy felt off put. “That’s quite an out of reach thing for you to want, Whitebeard. Our Cabin boys are ours, they do not want to join your crew, I’m sure.”

Whitebeard smirked like he won some sort of invisible game and Buggy knew, in that exact moment, he was going to say something troubling.

He was proven right.

“Then, why do we not let the brat decide for himself, scared?”

Younger Whitebeard was a menace. Where was his ‘all knowing, calm, stoic’ dad image he was known for?

More than thousand eyes turned to him, the itch came back. The itch to claw his skin until he erased all the burning feeling those eyes left on him. Buggy didn’t even bother to pay a mind to how Shanks shouted- even though it pissed him off that he yelled at an emperor- He was trying to find the right words, right way to get out of this situation, right way for him to fix his own mess.

But it seemed like he was not allowed. The moment Buggy opened his mouth to answer was the moment Roger pulled his sword and sneered. Buggy froze, shocked. Even Shanks’ booming voice quiet down. “I say he will not go with you. What other opinion you need, Newgate.”

His blood turned to ice in his veins, the sharp edges of the ice sank into his skin, at least he thought it did- he couldn’t explain how those words made him hurt everywhere otherwise. Agreements to Roger’s words followed, apparently nobody in the Roger’s crew saw the scary implications of what he just said. Except Buggy of course, like always.

Little hands squeezed his hands, startled, he looked back- Shanks looked at him, morbid understanding (real understanding) started to form in his eyes for the first time. Not really a big difference on the long run, but a difference indeed. Buggy didn’t know what to feel about it.

Childish voice followed through, spoke like it was something to hide- like what he was about to say was akin to sin. “You didn’t like that.” Truth, said as a whisper. Reflection flicked, for a second someone much older- much more worn out -stand before Buggy. Then he blinked, it was gone.

“I didn’t.” Admittance, still as a whisper.

A much different, bigger hand touched Buggy’s shoulder. He startled hard, shocked to realize that he didn’t sense this person coming. His balance got even more disturbed when Shanks pushed him back, shrugging the stranger’s hand from Buggy’s shoulder- effectively putting himself between Buggy and the stranger. (The stranger that Buggy couldn’t sense with his haki.) Buggy become even more angrier, but he wasn’t sure who he was even angry with.

Buggy immediately started to study him, unease clouding his mind once again. The first thing he noticed was the green of the strangers eyes. It looked out of place, Buggy didn’t understand why- Buggy saw more weird things in his old life, and the color of his eyes wasn’t even the most strange thing about the stranger. He had extra.. ears. White polar bear ears, if Buggy must be clear. He had fluffy black hair… or not? It looked like it had white streaks mixed in. He had a scar above his nose, seemed to be old one. White eyelashes… Who the hell even had white eyelashes? Buggy’s eyes darted to the bear ears, a mink maybe? Buggy didn’t remember him from before, he didn’t remember him from anywhere. He tensed even more, Shanks grew more agitated.

“Who the hell are you?”

The stranger laughed, something toneless- but somehow a pleasant sound. Buggy didn’t like it, Buggy didn’t like any of it.

“Well, i am your savior apparently.” Before Buggy could ask what did he meant with that, the stranger lifted the massive booze he had in his hand- Buggy was surprised that he didn’t notice it.

“Pops! Meow!”

Buggy froze, but Shanks spoke his thoughts without hesitation. “What the hell?”

Chapter Text

A scared kitten, it was the fist thing he thought when he saw the kid with blue hair and a funny nose. Two small kids, he didn’t see them before. One red and one blue, they looked comical, side by side.

Unlike the red haired one next to him, blue one looked scared- oh, he hide it well, of course, too well, however that didn’t mean he managed to hide it fully, that didn’t mean he managed to hide it from Whitebeard.

He ignored it, at first, it wasn’t his problem. It wasn’t even that surprising- the boy was a boy- he looked younger than six years old. He could be five years old for all Newgate knew, a brat being scared was not something unexpected.

He wondered what Roger was thinking, bringing literal babies to the sea.

Red one was more interesting, he would admit. The red boy at least looked like he would fit right in with all the chaos sea would offer. Newgate could feel the rage of the king patiently waiting in the kid’s soul, proof of him belonging to the sea- waiting someone to poke at it to show its full power. But the other kid didn’t have that.

Instead he had pure panic, trembling hands, searching gaze… Nobody could blame Newgate for not finding the kid interesting enough.

Then, he did something.

Did something noteworthy.

Caught his interest.

Edward could still tell that the boy was terrified, every move he made screamed that he was at high alert- ready to run if needed. Even without feeling his haki , Edward could still make an educated guess and say that the boy wanted to be far, far away from here.(And the boy learned to do that this early? impressive.. and suspicious. A kid of someone like Roger shouldn’t have the need to hide himself. Something was wrong.) But he still took the step, made it so the red one was out of sight, even a little bit. His little face screamed determination, anxiety and paranoia. (Why did he looked skinny, did the kid ate enough? he looked underweight, what Roger even fed him with?)

Loyalty was something Edward personally admired. He loved foolish kids. Fools that overflowed with loyalty- lost, loyal and so damn lovable. Edward was weak for those kids. Every time he saw someone like that, saw the intense need for someone to tell them that they belonged somewhere, fit somewhere; he just wanted to be that for those kids. Wanted to make them his family, his to welcome, his to belong, his his his.

He always got greedy when it came to people’s hearts.

He wanted to give them family, give them a place to belong, a place to come when vulnerable, a place to stay until they passed away.

He asked for the blue one’s name, the boy looked around for help and didn’t get any. Wasn’t that unfair? He looked like he knew they wouldn’t help, wasn’t it disturbing that he was proven true?

Edward wanted a family, he wanted people, he wanted to be a father, he wanted love, he wanted everything someone has to offer and some more-

Edward wanted a family. Edward wanted people, and perhaps that was the actual reason people should be scared of him.

Buggy looked like he needed that too, even though he was one of Roger’s, he still looked like he needed somewhere to belong. Why was that, he wondered. Why they didn’t help this little kid, why one kid tried to protect another kid when their Captain was there-It Interested him, left him with a want to figure it all out.

And oh, he did. Thanks to his child, Marco, he did.

Pushing Roger’s buttons was not hard, they knew each other for too long for it to be hard. Roger loved deeply, he loved people like he loved the sea, the adventure, the freedom- Roger loved, it was his specialty. Yet he always got extra angry when even a possibility of him losing something he loved appeared. (Desperate. Roger did not get angry- he just grew desperate- scared.)

Possessiveness, it was the biggest flaw of people like him and Roger. Edward was at least self aware of it. Roger was not. Possessiveness could feel like a cage or a warm embrace depending on the person on the receiving end.

The boy looked heartbroken when he heard what Roger spit out, a flash of hurt before he covered it all up with a expression that lacked any and all emotion. For a moment, he reminded Edward of dead fishes his crew killed to eat. Too blank face, too blank eyes. Edward didn’t like it.

No, no, a child looked wrong with that kind of expression. (Even the red boy looked shocked, like he knew something was wrong with what Roger just said but didn’t know why.)

Roger seem to be entertaining the idea of a serious fight, and surprisingly, Edward was on board with the idea. Edward itched to see blood, seethed, even though the kid’s current expression was also on him and not entirely on Roger. (Because he knew, because he knew something was wrong and wanted to know more.) But he never was one to accept his wrong doings, maybe he would be- when he is a bit more older, a bit more wise, but not now.

He trusted his children, they could survive. They did all this time, after all.

And maybe, naively, he thought a war would be justified.

Buggy, the kid, just looked too blank. (Edward would never let one of his look like that-)

A sudden voice, he knew that voice- “Pops, meow!” Of course it was Jadyn.

He let himself feel a little bit fond, meowing out of nowhere when things were getting serious was just something Jadyn would do. Everyone on Edward’s crew was used to Jadyn’s antics by now- after all, even though he was a new addition, he was still a son to Edward and a brother to others. He imagined it would be confusing for people that didn’t know him, but well, they could stay confused- Edward was not above being petty.

Even so he wondered why Jadyn decided to talk now, of all times.

He turned more towards him and he saw how near he was to the kids, how the red one and blue one seemed to swap places and he understood.

Jadyn was clever. Edward trusted his decision. Just like how he trusted rest of his kids. So, when Jadyn started damage control, he let him.

Jadyn’s way of doing damage control was by saying things like ‘Big brother is just saying bullshit, i thought you big dangerous pirates knew better than to trust a kid’s words~ do you guys losing touch?’ and many more, most of them making Marco protest loudly.

Adorable little shits.

Soon, everybody was more relaxed, sitting on the deck- half of the reason was Jadyn (and Vista, which started to do ‘damage control’ with him when it become clear that Jadyn method was not working.) the other half was the alcohol.

He took one more big gulp of his own booze, he couldn’t say he was displeased about it.

Only problem, he connected eyes with Roger, was that Roger didn’t seem to be satisfied.

He left his alcohol behind, getting close to Edward. He was swaying around a bit, clearly drunk.

Edward could see Jadyn tense from where where he sat beside Marco. He could see how intently the kid, Buggy, tracked Roger’s movements. He could see how on edge Roger’s crew was.

Edward didn’t change his position much, didn’t tense, he just let Roger come near him.

It didn’t take long for Roger to come close enough that nobody but them could hear their talk. (And Jadyn, as a mink, would probably be able to hear them as well and even if he couldn’t he would probably find a way to listen anyway. For sure, Edward thought with amusement.)

“I wanna hear it from you, not from your crew. Are you thinking of taking whats mine to have, Newgate?” Roger spoke like he is in a hurry, a nasty expression on his face. Edward was not surprised… not exactly. He knew how deeply Roger felt, but it was still a bit startling to see that expression on his face when he looked at him. It didn’t change things, but it shifted the narrative a bit.

Maybe he should give this angry, jealous man a second chance before he decides on what to do.

He decided to be cutting, be clear enough.“You can’t keep this one if you continue like this.” He silently watched as Roger’s face twisted ‘till it promised violence.

When Roger talked, the suppressed anger was almost palpable. Edward’s hands twisted, a sick kind of excitement over a promise of violence spread through his body first time since his teenage years, he reigned it back- he promised himself that he would mellow down. And him fighting with Roger just because of his own sick excitement was different than him fighting Roger because of a clearly traumatized kid.

“What do you mean by that?”

Edward laughed, but he didn’t feel amused. “Eyes don’t lie, old friend. You have the blue one, yes, but he seems to be still looking for somewhere to belong.” He gulped more of his booze down before continue talking. “To be frank, he looks like someone that could be one of my children. And you know i only chose people who are desperate for somewhere to belong, Roger.”

Roger clenched his fists, a second he looked like he wanted to rage- scream- deny- but he didn’t. His shoulders slumped, like the weight of the world suddenly dropped on his shoulders. “I fucked up that hard, huh?”

“It seems so.”

“Believe it or not, but i don’t even know where i did wrong- i do not know, i do not.”

Chapter Text

Sometimes, Buggy felt like his feelings were too much for his body, for all his feelings were always a bit too intense- a bit too much in all the wrong, depressing ways. Especially when something went out of his expectations. He has always been a planner, the thinker.

Oh, how it breaks him when he fails to predict something.

Being in control feels intoxicating, considering how he lacked it before- now, he searches for it everywhere. Making plans, trying to be strictly logical- don’t have time for feelings, feelings take away the control. He is not a possession, he is not a thing to order around, boast around-

But he wasn’t built for control, maybe he was made to be a follower.

Control was... not something he craved, if he was honest with himself. It was a need, it was just a need and not a want- being in control meant that he could protect himself, could prepare, could react- but it also meant so much responsibility. He was amazed, when he saw people that were able to do it all so effortlessly, carried it all without many problems, especially when most of the time Buggy was just tired of it all. Control was not a power for him, not in the long run.

“Shanks,” his trembling hands didn’t make the matters easy, but he was somehow able to make his voice stable enough.

Small mercies.

Shanks eyes found his, he was drunk- tipsy, all unfocused eyes and crooked smiles. Everyone was drunk, if he was honest about it. Remembering how, when he was a child, he used to fantasize about poisoning all the alcohol in the world wasn’t a pleasant experience.

Shanks being this out of control was... unpleasant. Buggy always hated it, something about how he swayed and stumbled, something about how he laughed and didn't think, something about him looking at him like he couldn't recognize him. Something about it all...

Buggy's worst fear as well as his most wanted wish was to be forgotten, but when Shanks did- it was never rewarding like he hoped.

He wished, at least that, would stay in his memories- but when did anyone ever care about the wishes he actually wanted anyway, not the universe, definitely not Shanks.

Shanks being this wasted left a sour taste in Buggy’s mouth, like the bitter after taste of strong alcohol, even though he himself didn’t even touch one bottle of booze.

Buggy was not hopeful about it but he still asked. “Can you understand what they are saying?”

Shanks tilted his head to the side, it didn’t look cute or innocent- it just made it more clear that he was not entirely aware of his body like he should be.

Buggy’s hands started to hurt again, from how hard he was clenching them.

“Understand who?”

He scoffed, yeah it was his fault for ever hoping that a drunk child would be able to pick up the clues.

Roger, their father in all but blood, looked stressed as fuck- he looked one step away from either slaughter or breakdown. And Shanks was drunk out of his mind, the crew was on alert but not enough. Never enough.

Everything was easier, when he actually had people he- “I’m sure they are not talking about anything shocking, kid. Calm down yoi.”

Buggy sensed him coming, but it didn’t stop the shock over his voice from appearing again.

Seriously, it was too different from the voice his old self had.

Marco stood there, an uncharacteristic smile on his face, another different thing- older him was more fond of smirking, like a predator being smug over their kill and making it known (or like a defenseless, vulnerable feral dog- hiding behind violent eyes and smug smirks.)

Why, why did he come close- why is he talking , why is he here? (why did he think someone like Whitebeard would want Buggy in his crew?)

He spent his childhood with bone deep fear and uncertainty, nobody could blame him for growing out to hate it. (Sometimes he was shocked that he even got enough time alive to learn how to hate it.)

He spread his ‘soul’ around, fed up with it all. Wrapping it thin around Marco- a tricky trick he learned when he was on the streets again, after his… father, died. It was a dangerous one, giving him a precise insight on the exact feeling one person was having but making it too close to his own feelings. The sensitive observation haki already granted him the ability of feeling with people, but what he was doing right now was even more. Distancing himself from the emotions became way harder when he did this, always had to try and rationalize them to be able to recognize who they even belong to.

Buggy personally hated using it, that was why he still didn’t use it on Roger when he could have, or Shanks or Rayleigh…

But everyone was drunk anyway, and this Marco was a version of him that didn’t know Buggy that much yet.

This trick required intense control- one messed up move and his ‘soul voice’ would clash with Marco’s . Would be a awful experience for both, Buggy could vouch for it. ( The learning stages of this was not fucking fun.)

Most people couldn’t pull it off, Buggy knew he was a special case, observation haki came naturally like an additional limb. Learning new tricks with it… was easy.

Amusement and curiosity danced around, curling and twirling until it brought back a weird sense of protectiveness.

Well, it was Marco. Any emotion always ended with a protective edge, Buggy assumed that it was something he learned over the years of being a first mate to a ship of bleeding hearts, but maybe it was something Marco always had.

Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise him. Marco… Buggy couldn’t say he knew him that much, he knew some- like the grief he carried, like which booze he liked the most, like how he dealt with sadness, like how he was loud in dangerous way.

Nothing more, nothing less.

But, Marco did show protectiveness- fierce need to protect was always near him, either it be for the bartender, or the kids in that island he chose to protect, or… anyone. He was not a good man, but he was protective.

Only when he wanted to.

Like now, it seemed.

Marco bend over, catching the shaky Shanks- how Shanks managed to almost fall when he was sitting? Buggy will never be able to know.

He laughed, so obviously used to handling drunkards. Even the child ones.

Shanks looked at him blankly for a while; too out of his mind to actually understand anything, if he did he would be cursing out Marco by now. Unfocused eyes and a lopsided smile that gave the impression that he wasn’t even aware of smiling. Then his laugh combined with Marco’s, a wheezing like sound.

Buggy found that he didn’t have the energy to be mad about it.

Tomorrow, Shanks would be angry at himself enough when Buggy told him just who he laughed with.

Sweet, petty revenge.

Half of his thoughts were filled with the endless questions about what his Captain and Whitebeard were talking about. Thinking about the start of this all, they should be talking about him.

But what? in what way? Buggy had to know.

His Captain looked wrecked.

Buggy ignored their laugh, “And how are you so sure, then?” Sue him, he had to know.

Marco startled, didn’t show it on outside of course- but his ‘soul voice’ trembled for half of a second and it was enough for Buggy to feel. Marco was too focused on Shanks then, not really surprising.

Marco’s smile didn’t leave his face, “Hmm… i wonder, lil’ brother. Why not ask them? I’m sure Pops would answer you.” Buggy’s eyes grew wide, he left out a noise embarrassingly close to a gasp- what little brother?! he was no one’s little brother.

Following his - embarrassing, unintended, unfitting- gasp was the confused but no less angry mumbles of drunken Shanks.

He too didn’t seem to like him getting called that.

Marco’s smile turned into a familiar smirk, he was enjoying their reactions- a chaos loving brat. Buggy wanted to bash his annoying face in.

But before he could even attempt to do that (not that he would, he was not suicidal), a hand wrapped itself around Marco’s throat- old instinct made Buggy reach out, loyalty was a dangerous emotion.

Throat was vulnerable, not something you should let anybody wrap their hands around.

He was a loyal creature, for all of his tricks and clouded over morality couldn't change it. So when someone put their hands on someone that he knew, even from another time, his first instinct was to reach out and put that fucking hand away from there at all cost. But... Marco was not alarmed-

Marco didn’t even flinch.

Why?

Good-natured humor, fondness, indifference, trust-

How?

Trust was something Buggy always had a hard time grasping, even with the Roger Pirates... trust was something he sparingly used, he never ever felt it wholeheartedly like Marco did- And even when he could feel it, he still didn't understand it.

Vulnerable thoughts, vulnerable positions- all of it, anything that could lead to him being vulnerable completely to someone was... unreachable. It felt too risky, why would he risk it? it didn't make sense to him, but the burning feelings of a phoenix kept messing with his perspective. Really, he hated this trick.

“Can you pull back your haki away from Marco, its really annoying.” It was the same person, the… polar bear like person- the one that acted…a bit of out of ordinary. Saying that he was their savior. Really now, was he half polar bear? Half mink? He looked like a human.. but he did have polar bear feature, like ears.

This person strangely gave the vibes of a person that could be all- could be the trickster, could be the fighter, could be the observer, could be all. Getting a read of him sounded like an impossible mission, because when you take one look at him you immediately knew that anything could be right and wrong. Just... why? How did he gain that trust?

Personally, when he saw an unpredictable person the first thing that fell on Buggy's mind was to run- Because unpredictability meant danger, Buggy was just... too scared of it all.

A Whitebeard pirate that he doesn’t remember. One that, apparently, can sense his soul voice. Danger, danger, danger-

Shanks voice blurred through the conservation, still drinking… getting more drunk.“Ohh~! Blue, blue- isn’t that a polar bear! I kinda remember it from somewhere though… where? Buggy, where?”

Buggy wanted to bang his own head against something very hard and give himself a nasty concussion. He really did.

Was this some kind of test to calculate his patience? Because he didn’t have enough of that shit to pass this, thank you very much.

The boy’s face turned to Shanks, his face… was blank- something in his eyes gave Buggy chills, too analyzing for comfort.

Buggy stepped closer to Shanks, he didn’t sit down again at his side- because he wasn’t stupid, like how Shanks obviously is.

Then the boy smiled, his white freckles got more visible. It looked a bit sarcastic to Buggy, “Well, dont they look like a blue and red kitten, Marco?”

Marco laughed, he didn’t reach out to pull the boy’s hand away from his throat -where he can harm, where he can harm, where he can- he just laughed.

How?

“They do look the part, but thats for another time. What about the haki thing?”

The relaxed way Marco asked about it, caught him off guard. Then the emotions, the emotions that felt like they are burning his veins- rejecting him because he is not a phoenix, he is not made for fire- told him loud and clear that the only reason Marco was calm was because of the boy and nothing else.

He imagined himself trusting Shanks like that, he looked over at his drunk self and couldn't even bring himself to think about it

And maybe... maybe that was okay. Buggy was fine like this, he didn't need to trust someone wholeheartedly. That was dangerous anyway, danger was not something he was fond of. (it didn't stop the curiousity- it didn't stop the 'What if?')

Marco’s eyes found his, the direct eye contact made Buggy unbearably uncomfortable. He wasn’t one for the eye contacts, he believed the fact about how they revealed always a lot more than they should.

Not to mention, the Polar Bear boy’s green eyes freaked him out too.

“Not something important.” He reluctantly drew his soul voice back, it wasn’t worth the fight. And, he already get the insight he needed.

Maybe he should have felt guilty about it, especially about being caught but.. he didn't.

Now, if he could learn more about the most important thing it would be perfect.

Another toneless laugh brought him back to the moment, this person made him unsettled. And if he could sense his ‘soul voice’ even when it was coated, Buggy was right to be unsettled.

Intelligence was something Buggy valued, but over the years he was quick to figure out that there was nothing more frightening than an intelligent person figuring you out.

And especially an unknown, intelligent person? that right there, that was a disaster.

Intelligence was like a two edged knife, it was relaxing when it was on your side- but when it was not, even a speck of quick wit was something to fear.

"Say," oh, Buggy didn't like that tone. “I can hear them, kinda, wanna know?”

The boy tilted his head, and pulled his hands away from Marco’s throat- getting closer to Buggy, like testing boundaries.

Him asking that sounded too much like a way to measure his reaction, like he said it just to see how he would react to a little bit of push- it was interesting, a way he sometimes used himself when he was still a captain. But he now saw how truly nerve wrecking it was when you were on the other side of the pull and push.

And normally, he would know to not give anything when it came to this- giving a reaction would offer information, the best way to deal with this game was to ignore it. Ignore the question, ignore the person if you can, ignore and deny it all.

But..

Roger’s soul voice flared and Buggy was tempted.

“Yes.”

Chapter Text

The polar bear like person smiled, it wasn’t anything pretty.

For a quick moment, Buggy was even tempted to take his words back. “Oh, cool! you owe me one tho’, kitty” Buggy couldn’t hide the quick shift in his expression due to the boy’s sugary sweet tone and the high pitch of voice- let alone the ‘owing’ part, The boy smiled a shit eating grin- like it was a victory in itself.

Shanks let out another giggle and Buggy sighed, before he could take what he said back the other boy started to talk. “Pops is just saying that your Captain has to get his shit together, you know- the usual. No one is about the die” the he paused, seemed to debate something on his mind before he continued with a shrug “Not yet anyway.”

Buggy’s eyes found Marcos and found him shrugging too, even smiling a bit.

he sighed again, he was doing that a lot these days but who could blame him- this was some other level kind of bullshit. First, seeing Whitebeard’s ship, having near heart attack, arguing with Shanks,finding himself in front of Whitebeard even though he would rather be anywhere else, and then kid Marco ruining everything, and then everyone getting drunk and then Roger-

“Details? A bit?” he waved his hands around, annoyed and fed up. He would like to have more information about what they were exactly talking about, not this quick summary like explanation that didn’t even offer any real information. Marco intervened before Buggy really did lose his shit, which was more than a bit likely in this situation. Marco said that he was sure ‘Jadyn’ (So the boy’s name was Jadyn, huh?) would tell him if he heard anything more interesting, Buggy was not sure he believed him.

Even though hearing that nobody was about to die did help, the ‘not yet’ after it infact didn’t help- nope, not in a million years.

He was about to press more about this until he realized that he lost Jadyn’s attention, his green eyes were focused solely on Shanks stumbling form. Buggy felt something in him snap when he saw how Jadyn’s hands turned into fist, his lips turning downwards like he was disgusted by the sight he was seeing.

He sneered, voice sounding colder than anyone could expect, momentarily forgetting his physical age . “I would advise you to stop looking at my crewmate like that, boy” He knew how fucked up Shanks looked right now, he was the one that was most pissed off about this by far, but all this staring was getting into his nerves. Not the mention how this boy clenched his fist, while looking at Shanks- unacceptable.

Shanks was stupid, clueless, and a terrible oh so terrible mess but he was also Buggy’s crewmate, his red- his little red. And maybe he could have ignore this ‘Jadyn’ person’s obvious disdain if his red was older, more used to his own skin, more settled on his ways (even if the ‘ways’ were horrible, in Buggy’s very professional opinion) but Shanks was just a child now, he was not completely free from the blame but he was also not totally responsible of it. If there was something disgusting in this situation, it was the ones that gave permission for him to drink.

And Buggy too, in a way- he was technically an adult after all, even when its not exactly true for his body.

His gaze found Shanks flushed face again, looked at the stupid loopsided smile, thought that maybe all of them- including even Roger, was disgusting for this. He was angry at Roger, actually upset enough to think he, his captain, was just as disgusting as Buggy. It shocked him, the thought seemed like it came out of some locked up part of his brain. (some part of him rebelled against that, Roger was his captain after all. He wasn’t- he wasn’t disgusting. Was he?)

But not Shanks, not entirely.

A kid was a kid after all, the adults mistakes didn’t fall on them, no matter what anyone else said.

Shanks being drunk maybe hit him harder than he thought- he didn't seem to be able keep his thoughts organized, fighting between horrible guilt and horrible anger.

Marco looked confused, if it can be called that, a bit amused too while the Jadyn guy looked contemplative. Fuck him though, he should have thought before he looked at Shanks rudely for something he wasn’t responsible for. (Was he underplaying Shanks role in his own drunkenness? Was he getting naive, letting his feelings cloud his judgment?)

Marco whispered, “Did he just called you ‘boy’?” He was snickering, trying to hide it with his hands but failing miserably.

Jadyn guy kept looking blankly at Buggy and he met his eyes with a lot of loathing. He might admit that he was projecting, he was aware of it, one wrong move didn’t deserve the attitude he was giving. But that awareness didn’t make him stop, it just made him crankier.

He wanted someone to do something bad, he realized, just so he can bite back. Consequences be damned.

Maybe he was getting similar to Shanks, in his old age.

No, not really, he was still acting like himself- a lot more reckless, but himself. And if he let himself admit, he would see that there was no way in hell that this was gonna be the last time he grew reckless just because of the overwhelming nature of this all.

Jadyn smiled, to Buggy it looked like someone put strings to the sides of his lips and forcefully pulled it upwards. Buggy’s posture changed in his offense, but a warm hand started to pet his head before he could do something suitable to his body age by shouting in outrage.

Pet his head?

Pet him?

He cursed and dig his nails to the offensive hand as soon as his brain understood the situation, “What the actual fuck?” but the guy in question just looked down at him smugly. For a moment, Buggy wished his nails were longer.

And that was when he promised himself. He would let his nails grow until he could be sure that if he grabbed something, it would drew blood. Maybe he could ask the witch when he visited him? He bet on his soul that the old doctor witch would knew how to make his nails longer and stronger.

Another motivation to find a way to visit the witch as soon as possible.

The assholes voice got him back on reality, he was very very annoyed to admit but his voice was calming- he wondered if he did that knowingly, or was it a mink thing? Damn, he was curious. “Relax a bit, will you? I’m not your enemy, boy.” His voice grew amused when he said ‘boy’ and yeah.. it was fair.

He probably looked funny, trying to act like his real age despite his now tiny body.

It was not a nice thought, not by a long shot.

The boy continued to talk, entirely non caring about how Buggy pushed his hand away from his head. “Your… crewmate is drunk as fuck, it would be best if he went to infirmary, preferably before he got even more shitfaced, so he can sleep it out.” He could see the reasoning, he mused. That much alcohol in a small body was not safe at all, and it was not also safe to let him go around this drunk when there were other pirates drunk too- most pirates were reckless bunch after all, also drunk pirates? oh that was so much worse. One part of him wanted to say that they would go back to their own ship, their home, Oro Jackson, but that would be more than stupid when all of the crew was here.

He didn’t want to admit defeat but logic was sound, he had no legs to stand on. “I’m gonna stay with him in the infirmary then.” He added stubbornly, he didn’t have any intention to change his mind about it. Even if he was curious about the end result of whatever was going on between his Captain and Whitebeard. (His captain’s soul voice still felt miserable, like he was trying to solve a puzzle and ending up with nothing. Buggy was not stupid, he knew he was likely the topic of the conversation and that thought made him wanna die again- just to forget that he was likely the reason why Roger felt like that. ) Even if the look on Shanks eyes, his uncontrolled movements made him want to cry.

Or scream, he was not sure.

And infirmary would give them some extra time too, in case a fight did break out and they had to leave the ship. Much more safer than the deck, because if a fight did happen it would start at the deck… probably.

He was rarely sure about anything, since he came back to life like a particular ghost. Haunting people, adding more misery to their lives like they were ever short on misery. He called Roger’s crew moving ghosts, but wasn’t he the only ghost here?

Was he self-centered?

The thought started to grow on his mind, like a disease. He felt faint, suitable for the ghost he was.

He must have lost some time, mulling on his thoughts, because when he stopped feeling overwhelmed, Marco and Rayleigh were already taking Shanks to the infirmary. Rayleigh throwing him confused but apologetic smile over his shoulder.

Jadyn’s too knowing eyes found his. “They took him to infirmary, Rayleigh said that he felt responsible.”

Responsible?

He fought back a scoff, the bitter feeling making his fingertips go numb.

Jadyn’s words were normal sounding, casual,but his eyes all too knowing.

he looked at him and thought maybe he wasn’t an asshole, after all.

Chapter Text

They ended up in the huge cafeteria of Moby, him and Jadyn. Nobody but the ones that made all the food were in here, meaning no drunkards were near. Some unseen tension he didn’t notice before bled away from Jadyn’s shoulders in the moment they got away from the drunk pirates.

It only made his hidden anger come more closer to he surface, Buggy could tell. If the boy hadn’t become more relaxed with every step they took away from the smell of booze and loud laughter, he probably wouldn’t have noticed.

What a surprise honestly, it wasn’t what Buggy expected- but well, he always knew assuming things was an easy way to get killed.

Even though he did a lot of not so educated guesses and assumptions.

Nobody said that getting rid of old bad habits were easy.

The look on Jadyn’s face was closed off, relaxed but not too much, thoughtful but also dazed, alert but not too much, angry but also not.

Buggy really didn’t understand this guy at all, it pissed him off.

Not to mention he couldn’t remember him at all, any knowledge he had about the boy started and ended with what he saw in this life. It made him uncomfortable, it made him entertain the idea of another person like him, another person that got stolen from death’s arms and get dumped here.

He doubted that was the case, but a little test was not gonna ruin anything. He started to talk, forcefully making his voice sound calm and normal

“Hey, do you know the joy-hat?”

if Jadyn was a anomaly just like him there would be no way he wouldn’t know about the ‘incident’ that made this joke a thing.

Hell, Buggy tried to stay the fuck away from any and all Luffy related thing but even he knew about it.

It was something that started after Shanks’ brat get crowned in that damn island as the second pirate king.

The Marine’s were losing their minds.

In a live video that got aired everywhere via denden mushis, a reporter stumbled on what to call the brat when announcing the ‘shocking’ news, clearly panicked - poor woman, he kind of pitied her- in the end she accidentally made this hilarious mishap and damn was it funny.

It become a big joke with pirates of course, they didn’t let this go. And it become even more popular when they realized the brat seriously hated it. Guilty as charged, Buggy used it a lot more when he heard how he scowled at the name.

He was a petty bastard, he was self aware.

But Jadyn only looked at him confusedly, so Buggy backtracked immediately and made up a lie about some ridiculous hat he saw.

One issue out of the way just like that.

He was still curious about the way Marco trusted this guy, so thoroughly and without a doubt.

Sure, Jadyn wasn’t that much of an asshole, just too clever and angry in a way only some people are. But it didn’t explain shit, maybe explained somethings about this boy but not about the things he was actually curious about.

He wanted to grab the boy and make him spill everything- all the how and why’s. He wanted to make it make sense, catch the topic and twist or turn it until it started get into a shape that Buggy could understand.

It always was like this, Buggy didn‘t know how to give something up- even though it would be wiser to just.. stop.

When he looked at Jadyn again, he saw him looking back at him questioningly and decided to just bite the bullet and ask. Curiosity was eating him alive, and he was definitely not into that.

“How and why Marco trusts you that much?” Jadyn looked taken aback, flinching a bit- probably because of the intensity of his voice that he couldn’t contain. But that reaction showed only for a second, and then it was gone like it never happened.

Buggy thought that Jadyn was a bit too interested in playing pretend.

He then looked at the side, seemingly lost in thought, Buggy doubted that most of the things he was clearly thinking about was related to the thing he asked. He waited patiently, just like how Jadyn must have waited for him when he let his own thoughts take a hold of him.

A few minutes passed by, Buggy gave him time to gather his thoughts without much a fanfare. He wouldn’t call himself a patient person, but he was also not impatient. Like how he was with most thing, in this too he was more of a middle ground. It helped that he genuinely didn’t think Jadyn did this to piss him off.

When Jadyn started to talk, his voice and words were hesitant, no matter how fast he talked, “Well I’m not entirely sure, of course.”

He continued before Buggy had the chance to be disappointed.

“I’m not a total mind reader as much as i wish i was. Though, mind you, I am all too knowing and basically can guess what people feel and think.”

Buggy’s eyebrows were shot to the roof, it was his time to be bewildered, whatever he expected it was not this. His mind went to his own thoughts about this boy being ‘all too knowing’, categorizing him as a too intelligent, too knowing person.

Was it another role in this play pretend game this boy obviously liked? Though, it was undecided whatever it all was a role or was there a truth in it.

Jadyn continued without stopping, seemingly pouring all of his thought process to words- and Buggy found that he quite liked it, it was a refreshing approach to his questions.

Most of the time, his questions were left unanswered unless he was in Big Top with his own beloved crew.

He focused back on Jadyn’s words before the grief grabbed him and never let go.

“Wouldn’t it be so cool to just completely look into people’s brains? Understand them, their actions, their reasonings. Understand where they are coming from, what they think…” The boy looked almost wishful, voice getting tinted with bone deep curiosity. “And get some awesome blackmail.” Buggy balanced, looking at him with wide eyes… and a bit of respect

Because holy hell, he could respect a fellow blackmailer. Their kind was rare in the pirates, with how most of them talked with their guns, knives, swords, or fists before anything else.

He decided to be even more wary of this guy.

And it made him even more confused, why would Marco trust someone that so openly admitted to fish for blackmail?

“Oh wait, sorry, i got off topic. So, anyways, i can’t completely tell you because I’m not Marco- i don’t have squishable Marco cheeks or am i as biteable-” Biteable? Buggy looked at his sharp teeth and had to stop a terrified tremble. Kings, probably a king thing.

Right?

“-as certain Marcos but i would say i just… i tried to understand him, be there for him, totally not stalk him understand his behaviors and self before talking to him.”

Buggy felt like he couldn’t keep up with what he was saying.

“…And i suppose we just get each other? I felt like he was someone i could trust. Though, right you didn’t ask why i trust him but why he trust me that much-” Buggy started to play with his hands, trying to process the seemingly basics of information and realizing that he just can’t. “Maybe its my super amazing trustable aura?”

Buggy looked at him like he was crazy, Jadyn completely ignored him.

“I’m just so charismatic and awesome and- okay sorry sorry too many jokes.” He laughed, it was a short and pretty sound, no matter how self loathing it sounded.

His thoughts circled around this boy, he was an interesting case- a curious thing, him not being able to remember someone, even though they didn't... die and came back like he did.

He wondered about his tale, about how he came to be.

Was he dead?

Did he die before Buggy could met him? or was he a quiet one, one that Buggy didn't care to remember.

Buggy realized that this person was growing on him, pulling him into his orbit so effortlessly.

“God, i hate this.” Buggy leaned away when Jadyn’s whole posture suddenly dropped, putting his head between his hands in a haste.

“I don’t wanna admit that i don’t really know.”

He sounded annoyed with himself, like not knowing it was a grave mistake on his part. It looked like it was physically painful for him to admit he didn’t know something.

Buggy thought maybe he should be feeling bad for asking in the first place, but any insight he could get was important.

Buggy loved information.

Jadyn kept mumbling to himself, “I do know!… probably , hopefully-” Okay, now Buggy really felt bad. “Couldn’t you have asked this question a few weeks advance?”

Buggy timidly apologized, voice faltering, at a lost on what to do in this situation.

Jadyn continued to talk while ignoring his apologies entirely.

He ignored him a lot these past few minutes, Buggy thought it was earned. Jadyn looked like he was physically suffering because of this one question. “Fuck, uh- well. I don’t know, it just happened? He didn’t undermine me, i didn’t undermine him, we worked together and filled each others voids. We came to mutual understandings and respected each other. We could be open with each other, communicate-” He took a deep breath and looked at him with a lost look. “It felt easy.”

…Easy? How so?

Jadyn's words didn't make sense. Not really, how a terrifying thing like 'trust' could be easy?

It was like he got more questions than answers.

“I don’t understand.” Buggy said while shaking his head, still playing with his hands- feeling more vulnerable and confused than he was comfortable with.

“You don’t?”

“I don’t.”

Chapter Text

They spent a bit more time in the cafeteria, watching people run in and out with foods on their hands. Neither of them really talked after that, Buggy didn’t really put much of a fight when Jadyn’s hands found his hair again- not this time.

His words were replaying in his head, twisting shapes and being no less than knives. It was making him think, all of his shortcoming and all of his flaws. He felt guilty, like a part of him was missing, a part that came easy to others but he never was able to grasp.

Emotions were a difficult topic for him, especially towards others. He never was an open person, maybe when he was actually younger he was more open but he couldn’t even remember it now.

He was not even that open with his own crew for fucks sake- even if they knew his.. issues he never let them get close enough to figure him all out.

He didn’t trust them, being known was equal to being taken advantage of.

He had walls around his feelings, protecting him from outside world, from other people. Only a few people could even begin to touch the wall. One of those people being Roger, but even with him he was not.. trusting. Not when it mattered.

If he was honest he could lay his whole life in front of Roger in mere moments without a second thought, but he could never trust him with more than that.

And didn’t that say a lot?

Roger was his most precious person, his captain, his father, his King.

The one that had all the power on him, even after death. He grieved for him, he fought for him, he was loyal to his Captain like he was loyal to no one else.

Not even himself.

Even now.

His Father could sway him with only using his words, even with the obvious lies like ’I’m proud of you’. Could give orders without even meaning to, and Buggy would obey- How scary it was. He would go to him in times he was in distress, in his lowest moments, in his most angry times. Because he was his Father, it shouldn’t have meant anything maybe but it did.

Roger saw him, a filthy theft - a kid- that was left to die in the slums, and took him under his wing.

Even though he could never amount to Shanks in his heart, even though the possessiveness of him damaged him more than anything else, even though he was always late to protect him-

He picked him up, held him close and taught him everything about surviving-

But Buggy didn’t even trust him.

Maybe he was the worst of his kind, maybe he was the problem.

Because nothing was ever easy, because something always had to go wrong with him- always. He always had to ruin everything with his overthinking, paranoia, with his issues.

He was always too much and so lesser in the worst possible ways.

His mind always begged him to be prepared, to always have a card under his sleeve so when something undeniably went wrong he could protect himself and what was his.

There was no empty space to spare for trust when he felt like he was always in danger, even in the times he thought he was the most safest.

And maybe he was more mellow in his young, but time taught him how to hurt- how to lash out. How to sink into someones mind and use it wisely.

Surviving taught him how to break things, and Roger taught him the ways of people that was ought to hurt him.

He was his father.

But the thing about tasting that imaginary blood one time was that the inability of letting go of it. Causing to lash out even in the most horrible moments, lash out even when it was not beneficial.

Stress and surprises brought out the worst of him.

Ever since he came back here, to this time, he kept freaking out, lashing out- (like fighting with Shanks out of all things, what was he thinking? The idiot forget about what he was trying to say in a few moments anyway. Why waste his breath, why waste his feelings?) He become sloppy. He let the rage, confusion and grief to take him into their arms and let them play his strings like he was just a puppet to his feeling.

He let them take over him so much that he wasted his breath by literally begging Shanks to not die- like it would ever matter.

Nobody could ever convince a person to change, if they didn’t even understand the issue.

It was like thinking a bit of begging would be able to give their sight back to a blind person.

A waste of time.

Maybe he was the problem, but to who he could even trust?

His thoughts get interrupted when the pressure of Jadyn’s hands on his head disappeared, but when he turned his head to look at him he found him staring at him with a tilted head.

He seemed to hesitate for a second before saying that maybe he should go to infirmary to lay down with Shanks before the party on the deck got any more wild.

And yeah, he could hear why he said that now that he was paying attention to it. He nodded his head and refused his offer of showing him the way to infirmary- ignoring his raised eyebrows.

He walked slowly towards infirmary, his head filled with noises and inner fights- his finger tips were still numb, for some reason he didn’t care enough to think about. It happened sometimes, Cabaji said it was because of his fucked up brain- and Buggy didn’t need to hear more of it before he decided to ignore anything about it.

He was always more open to ignoring any issue he cant immediately get rid off or plan against.

And he couldn’t fix his own brain by himself, could he?

On his way to infirmary he saw Roger behaving much more better, not looking that depressed now and having fun with ‘frienemy’ like he was supposed to.

The relief he felt was almost enough to knock him out of his feet but he held on last bit of his composure with white knuckles and managed to keep walking.

He wanted to see little red, he wanted out from all these noises and have time to think over what Jadyn said.

But of course that little wish of him was not gonna be that easy, the moment he opened infirmary’s door he was greeted with Rayleigh’s awkward smile.

Being unsure didn’t suit the man, but being the one that put him to that awkward state gave him a morbid sort of satisfaction that he couldn’t ignore.

Another one of his many flaws, unfortunately.

Marco was nowhere to be seen, only sleeping figure of Shanks and Rayleigh could be seen in the infirmary Not even the nurses were here, but maybe that shouldn’t have surprised him. It was known that Whitebeards nurses were severely protective of him, he was sure that they were on the deck with their Captain and nagging him about drinking less Alcohol.

Like it would ever help.

“How are you?” Rayleigh voice was painfully stilled, he looked like he was in physical pain talking. Buggy guessed that he didn’t want to have this conversation any more than him, he was probably forced by someone or some sort of late loaded moral compass.

Either way Buggy didn’t care, he didn’t have any interest in wasting his breath more than he has already.

Whatever Rayleigh did or didn’t was on him, Buggy wasn’t that kid anymore.

He wasn’t the one that had to hear that apology or the one that had to receive the amends he was clearly gonna try to make, he technically was the same person but he could n’t be any more different.

Rayleigh was about a life time late.

“Peachy.” he didn’t said anything or give an opening for him to make this all easier on himself. He ignored him and sat beside the bed Shanks was sleeping on. He could feel Rayleigh watching him but he had no intention on meeting his eyes.

He heard him let out a deep breath before he started to talk, tone deep like a blazing warning for him to not interrupt him.

“I want to say that i really am sorry, kid.” He paused talking, Buggy didn’t turn his head towards him instead choosing to watch Shanks’ sleeping face.

He tried to not let the apology get to him.

“I was stupid, what i said to you was no way right. My outright rejection of you was not.. fair. I didn’t think you would take it to heart, i thought you would try to fight it- " He grunted, cursing himself.

And maybe it was because he knew Rayleigh only cursed near them when he was so out of depth, maybe it was because of how stilled and frustrated he sounded but Buggy turned towards him. Taking in how uncomfortable he looked. “No that sounds like I’m blaming you. I’m not, not in a billion years- i was in the wrong. I was being unreasonable.”

“It just that you are so damn different than the people i know, kid. But i'm determined do right by you.”

Rayleigh looked at him with all of his determination, finally seeming to be less hesitant and nodded to Buggy before he abruptly stood up and walked out of the infirmary, not letting Buggy say anything.

Buggy looked at where Rayleigh was just a few moments ago and tried to not scratch his own skin until he was all red and bleeding for real this time.

Different?

He was aware, he was so fucking aware even if Rayleigh didn’t point it out.

He planned his whole life around those differences once, made rules that was born from the thought that there was something different about him in a very damn negative way-even though he tried to not dwell on it.

He knew he was not like the others, he knew he was lesser- (and too much-)

Wasn’t that the reason why Shanks was always the golden boy of this ship? Because he was just like them, powerful and brave. Possessive and careless- Shanks had storms on his soul just like the others, while Buggy only had the calm sea breeze.

It was clear what was more superior.

Point is, Buggy knew he was different.

It hurt him anyway.

He put his head on the side of the bed Shanks was sleeping, not caring how uncomfortable the position was.

Suddenly he realized that even if he trusted any of these people, it wouldn’t be like what he felt Marco and Jadyn had.

No one in this screwed crew would look at him and see an equal, no one would look at him and just ‘click’

Even if he trusted them, he would be nothing but an anomaly.

“My..” He startled and hurriedly raised his head when he heard Shanks sleepy voice, Shanks was clearly still sleeping, rather deeply even. He was sleep talking, he faintly remembered that he did that before too.

“My blue”

Buggy froze-

Shanks words were muffled because of how he was snuggling to his pillow, but not enough to completely silence them “Mine, will protect-”

Buggy felt a bile raise to his throat.

“Gotta’ protect -” He stood up and run to the bathroom, while Shanks kept sleeping blissfully.

Chapter Text

Buggy never dealt well with people thinking he is incompetent, even if he sometimes used it to his advantage. He never dealt with the idea well. When he was a kid - a real kid, not like the damn chimera he is now- he dreamed about someone saving him, just appear and make everything go away. Just appear and give him some hope for whats to come.

However he also wished to be able to save himself, want to be able to be that for himself first. He sometimes thought that maybe he had a complex about it, Mohji sure said so.

His (former?) first mate was very keen on saying his refusal of putting himself the same level with all the monsters, was how he coped. That his refusal of allowing himself to think that he was incompetent combined with the refusal of thinking he was competent was because of how he was raised.

That the only reason why he was not able to ‘make peace’ with the past and able to see himself for ‘what he was actually like, without all the bullshit his past made him believe’ was because how he let it control his actions, his thought process, his rules in life.

When Mohji started to say that kind of thing, Buggy usually tried to zone it out- to him, it was kind of ridiculous.

That really didn’t really age well, considering how he was now living in the past- quite literally to boost.

But right now, curled over a corner of the bathroom minutes after he puked his guts out, he started to think. His mind churning with almost too much thoughts, and maybe nothing at all.

There was something inhuman in how he looked; curled over to a corner, some saliva clinging to his jaw, big unfocused eyes… It was jarring, especially with his now young -too young- body.

He looked and sounded haunted, not even aware he was mumbling to himself. About all sort of thing, not coherent enough to even categorize. To him, at that moment, he was perfectly rational- to him his thoughts were perfectly aligned, to him he was completely silent, to him he looked in control.

If someone saw him then, they would say the opposite.

His heart was howling in his ears, it was like the sound of his own heartbeat was the only sound that existed in this world. He felt so small, more than small actually. He could almost taste something, tip of his tongue tasting like the molded bread he stole when he was not yet a pirate, just a common street rat. Just a memory. All of his senses were overwhelmed, but he felt calm- he thought he felt calm but he was not sure, everything was blurry.

He thought he heard Mohji’s words, (saying that ‘it was long coming’) able to be heard even with how loud his heart is.

What was long coming, he wondered, Buggy was sure he was fine.

Surely, he was.

He had to be.

And then something shifted, the taste on the tip of his tongue got bolder, his chest started to hurt and he could swear that someone was kicking his head- just like how an old man did in the slums, when Buggy was just trying to stay alive.

Everything started to get foggy, like something almost physical was blocking out everything around him, he lost his grab on reality.

(When Buggy was a kid, he dreamed of someone to come and save him just as much he wished he could save himself. He dreamed of someone to look at him and see something worth saving, see something of value in his bitter scared self.

The savior never came.

He got settled with the most selfish Captain instead, the person that looked at his bitter self and felt the need to own. It was enough; years later after all the death, after the names of once known now dead people pilled up on his conscience, he wanted it back.

In the end, he learned to crave it, never love it, never being able to stomach it but still craved it.)

Everything was hurting, he felt a strong sense of fear- almost dread. His heart was beating so loudly, he wondered what it would take to shut it off.

A gun with kairoseki bullets, yes, a gun with kairoseki would do to job just fine again, and then everything would be silent.

(he kind of wanted to scratch his own skin off, just to understand what it feels to be away from his own skin. If Mohji was here, he would be throwing him disapproving stares.)

Everything was falling apart, one moment he was somewhere he didn’t set a foot in since years and one moment he was aware of the swaying of a ship and the coldness of a floor.

And one moment after he was gone again.

Later, when he thought of this moment, he would thought of it as silly. Such a strong reaction over couple of words, ones that wasn’t even aimed to hurt.

Maybe he knew about all the mental health stuff, and he respected it- his own band of misfits had many of their own demons they dealt with after all- but he didn’t quite understand it, not when it was himself that struggled with it.

Mohji explained, at least tried to- tried so so hard to make him understand.

He was caring like that, Buggy knew about all the books he had about mental health- that he only started to collect after he noticed something was fundamentally wrong with Buggy, something important in him broken into tiny pieces.

(“Captain, excuse me, but for fucks sake just how long will it take you to understand there is nothing broken in you? you are just human, it doesn’t make you broken.”)

Still, to Buggy, it was shameful. Something Roger’s crew would ‘tease’ him with, something that would make them look at him even more pityingly than usual.

Buggy wanted to be saved. Buggy wanted to save himself.

Buggy wanted to save everyone. Buggy wished he had enough left of his innocence, of his naivety, maybe then he would be able to believe he could do it.

(Drunk in an unknown island, crying over someone long dead, bitter taste of poor quality booze, coldness of the weather, sound of people celebrating.)

God, Buggy wished Roger could understand.

Buggy wished he had someone, anyone that would understand. That would look at him and see something more. Someone that would let him talk; all about the murder in his head, all about the ghosts, all about the hatred he has for himself, all about how his humanity was a curse when he could have been a monster- just like others, all about his plans of collecting ghosts and make sure they are never that again.

He had nothing like that.

Hours went by and he jumped from place to place- memory becoming reality just as fast as the wind that hit his face when he ran in front of those bullets, in a future long gone.

When the coldness of the floor started to become more noticeable than the taste of mold, reality righted itself again.

He wasted time trying to to calm down, finding ways to keep himself grounded so he doesn’t end up drifting again.

When it was said and done, he pulled himself to his feet and came back to Shanks side like a loyal shadow.

From what he could hear the party was still ragging on, though maybe a bit mellowed down due to most of the people passing out. Either because of the unholy amount of alcohol they basically inhaled or because of pure exhaustion, everyone unaware of what happened.

Just like how Buggy wanted.

Chapter Text

He sat there, on the chair next to Shanks bed and tried to think of anything else, something happier maybe? Something better.

It was a losing battle, Shanks was just laying there- softly snoring, peaceful like nothing in the world was wrong. While Buggy felt the sickly feeling on his gut still.

He raised his hand and touched lightly on the other boy’s cheek, close to his eyes, trying to remember how that nonexistent scar felt on his fingertips, tried to gather that old anger towards it but felt nothing of that sort.

The feel of that scar…

He didn’t remember.

He remembered the fear, how frightened he was when that bastard Teach got one over Shanks and clawed his eyes with that unhinged expression on his face.

But he didn’t remember how that scar felt on his hands.

He assumed it would be much different than this baby soft skin, maybe a bit more puffy, a little bit more tender.

He wondered if he could get away with scaring it again- to make him get it not from Teach but from Buggy, just to make it right. Just to have something familiar, something familiar that he chose to see.

He gave up on the idea immediately after it came to his mind. He thought maybe he was being a bit too greedy, just like they said. But were gold and scars the same thing? Did it even matter?

Everything was a bit weird after these moments, he always found himself thinking about things he never would otherwise.

He knew something was amiss with him.

He felt more calm, almost hallow, numb to the degree of no recognition. He preferred it over that sick feeling, the overwhelming pressure of memories and feelings.

But this thing, this weird sort of haze he was in was an emotion too. He didn’t dare to convince himself otherwise.

He usually had time to work it out himself, his own crew having his back even towards non-physical dangers. He learned it was hard to obey to any morals, when everything was meaningless and numb- it was so easy to get violent, since the consequences were beyond his understanding.

Everything felt so amazingly meaningless.

He knew it would change in a few hours- that this feeling, a feeling like somebody carved his insides and said nothing of the results to him, was not there to stay.

The knowledge didn’t help much.

(He really wanted someone, anyone that would look at him and listen. Why was it so hard? What he was going to attempt to do was so big, so much bigger than one person.)

His hands shook and the sound of a war crept into his mind, the sound of clashing blades making his ears ring just like he was there still- in a war he begged Roger to not be a part of.

One blink and he was back on infirmary, just beside Shanks with only the low sounds of a party upstairs.

Begging felt like a part of his identity, in that ship. Begging his Captain to not go to a war, begging is Captain to go to a fucking doctor, begging to be left alone, begging to belong-

Yearning was a part of his soul in his childhood, his words always took a praying tone- To him, begging and praying wasn’t that different. A father and a God, what was the difference? He felt like he prayed to a God for years for naught. The only thing he gained from it was the laugh of it marking him to the marrow.

He took a deep breath and wished he was better at handling this. He was sure if it was Shanks in his place, he would have fixed something by now.

He felt like a fraud, trying to make people think he was just as good as Shanks, that he wasn’t lacking anything significant, while also thinking about how Shanks would have done better.

‘Childhood trauma’, his crew would say, ‘it always leaves some space for doubt.’

Buggy just sat there, for minutes or hours- time was irrelevant, it was pure bullshit.

If it wasn’t, Buggy wouldn’t be here. (It was both a good thing and a very bad thing.)

The sweat clung to his skin like a second layer, the party got louder, got silent, he sat there. Looking but not seeing, or maybe not feeling but not feeling anything was also a feeling- he always got it mixed when it came to these kind of things: emotions and the reactions.

He always thought he was good at reading other people, his crew liked to say he always got it wrong when it came to the reactions he gained.

(Hey, Buggy? Aren’t we just soulmates? We totally are, aren’t we?)

Roger laughed above him, and his bones ached.

He technically had a plan, a lackluster one, one that came to him in the middle of his ever going panic.

One plan that he didn’t even start doing.

He had to write it down somewhere, when the time mattered and memories turned their back on him once again.

For now, he sat and listened. Sloppy thoughts jumping from all to nothing, all to nothing just like Captain.

Or father, a father.

A Captain, a father, a King.

Roger was his captain, his father. But he was also a Pirate king.

That title didn’t get earned by being vigilant, that title got earned by being downright suicidal and bringing your crew down to the hell with you.

He let out a breath, stretched his body and let it lead him to the deck- talking to himself all the while.

“First step is to find the ingredients, and then comes to witch.”

He left Shanks alone in the infirmary.

Chapter Text

The party was slowed down when he step into the deck. Most of the pirates passed out on the floor, or bubbling nonsense- Captain nowhere to be seen, which was surprising. He assumed that he would find his Captain sitting beside Whitebeard but he was wrong.

It was just Marco, rolling his eyes to something Whitebeard said.

Like a normal, petulant teenager- bizarre, really.

Buggy made his way to Spencer’s side, who had a passed out Taro resting his head on Spencer’s lap- Spencer playing with his hair with a thoughtful look, clearly more than a bit tipsy. Enough that he did not utter a word when Buggy sat beside him, too focused on Taro- Too tipsy to even act like he cares about some random kid his Captain picked out a year or so ago.

It helped.

Buggy leaned his head back and thought, closing his eyes- with no one to interrupt him, it was easier to put his emotions aside for a moment and let his logic lead him properly for the first time since he found himself here.

Finding patterns, old memories and pulling them to surface. That woman, Robin, already gave him a some sort of answer to his biggest problems- obviously not in this time, but before all this. When her brat of a Captain send her to give him the papers; all the ingredients needed to cure Roger’s illness, a simplistic explanation of how to make it. Presented to him years after his fathers, his king’s, death. (-Oh, don’t be aggressive, Clown-san. I’m just trying to do what my Captain told me…He said that it should be given to you, for old times sake.)

At that time, it felt like a curse. Something Strawhat sent to him just to put salt to the wound, a wound that never healed even years after it first appeared; always bleeding, bleeding through his actions, through his words, through his memories- until everything is blood soaked, Buggy left feeling the pain every time he can’t ignore it well enough.

At the time, it made him hate Strawhat more. Resentment building up and up, until no words of consolation is enough to calm the bubbling poison of hate in his gut every time he saw that crown thief. Laughing around with his own crew, so happy- looking so alike Roger in a way that leaves Buggy breathless. Captain’s crown on his head, Captain’s smile on his face- even getting the exact same illness Captain had.

Surviving despite it all, staying with his crewmates despite it all- Sending Buggy how they could have had this too, if only they knew how to.

(“Clown-san, my Captain likes you- any person who used to be friends with Akagami is ours too after all, do not take this gesture in the wrong way, hm?”)

He didn’t believe it.

It didn’t stop him from obsessing over those papers the moment Nico Robin left though. To the point where he got it all memorized, reading it over and over again for weeks on end- so close to losing his last marbles, he figured it would be fitting if he went crazy because of his Captain.

Mohji didn’t found the thought amusing, kind reliable Mohji, pulling him away from those papers by force after the first two weeks he spent on it. Looking him with so much rightful rage and a threat. Promising to burn them all if Buggy dared to continue like this, if Buggy kept daring to choose the dead over the living.

Once again, Buggy wondered what would Mohji think of this- this whole thing.

However, those weeks spent memorizing and searching about the papers were now going to be put to use. He remembered all of them still, couldn’t get them out of his mind really even if he wanted to.

He searched about where to find them too, behind Mohji’s back. Though, Buggy was sure he was aware- still letting Buggy get away with it without another call out, let him have his closure still. There was a reason his first mate was also considered the crew’s therapist after all. Took lessons on it from various doctors too, he was very passionate about it- starting just after he saw how Buggy got in the anniversary of his Captain’s death.

Mohji was reliable like that, kind too- for letting Buggy self destruct, knowing that it would help him built himself together. Maybe even hoping that it would help his shaky roots too, helping the roots of the problem and let Buggy grow better for it.

It didn’t of course, Buggy searched on where every single ingredients were with single minded focus- and then when he learned it all, he distracted himself from it all with an increased grief.

Strawhat probably thought he did him a favor, gave him something he thought would help him be in peace with Captain’s passing- when Buggy could stomach thinking it, he was aware Strawhat was not one to do cruel jokes to a mourning person. Which was what Buggy was, which was what Shanks, or Rayleigh, or Sunbell or anyone in their crew was- even years later, still mourning the disappearance of a person they built their life around.

Strawhat, no, Luffy was not one to be cruel about that kind of pain- maybe if you dared to hurt one of his, but even in that he would choose to beat your ass than to mentally torture you by picking at your weakest spot. Sometimes Buggy could admit it to himself, know that Strawhat meant good- some sort of respect to Buggy, something he probably thought Buggy was owed of.

He didn’t appreciate it before, but now-? Now he did, and he planned to use everything he knew to his advantage.

The cure was something like a potion, the only downside of it all was that how to brew it was not fully written and overly simplistic - but if Buggy got all the ingredients, somehow went to Kureha’s side without alerting anyone, then Buggy knew the witch could take care of it even with a few steps missing.

All Buggy needed to do was to find and collect every ingredient.

He had time, he could do it- Some should be found in the new world anyway, and even if the ingredients were not in places he remembered they would be, he could improvise.

He had time on his side.

The first priority was this- curing Captain. It was the most important one, and would prevent a lot of other deaths. Since the only reason some people died was because Roger died first- Like, Rouge.

Oh god, Rouge.

Buggy used to adore Rouge in his childhood, looking forward to seeing her even if it meant Captain started acting completely weird. She was, sometimes, only reason he stayed sane on the ship- she never judged him for being scared, never said anything about him not belonging to this life- never said anything when Buggy ‘whined’ about how he hated his devil fruit. Never said anything if Buggy took the cowardly way out, or chose to fight dirty instead of a drawn out ‘epic’ battles like others seem to expect him to- like he is not just a kid.

Rouge was supportive, wild in a way only sea is- unpredictable and so protective in a completely different way than Roger. Always giving advice to Buggy, always smiling at him proudly when he says something smart- even if it’s completely unrelated to the topic in hand. Teaching him how to use daggers, how to fight in a way that suits him instead of the generic fighting style expected of him- telling him to run if he has to, saying ‘If you are dead- there’s no take backs. But as long as you are alive, dear, you can always come back and win. No shame in giving yourself second chances, or third, or fourth- who cares, only fools find shame in that.’

Buggy adored her, truly and utterly- saw her as a mother figure in his childhood, even if he never dared to voice it.

When he learned how she died.. When he saw the island, learned that she died in the exact place Buggy have went to before to help burying hundreds of dead babies, while having no idea of Rouge’s pregnancy…

Something broke in him then.

He never got around to fixing it, just like he couldn’t fix anything Roger broke in him too.

If he managed to keep Roger alive, Rouge would be saved too- would not have to extend her pregnancy, wouldn’t have to be stuck in an island when her place is on the sea just like the rest of them. Wouldn’t have to die in childbirth, sacrificing everything for her child to survive.

Giving her child the every single chance she ever owned; combining it all and wasting it all on one big chance for her kid to own.

Chance at living, chance at surviving with no regrets.

Buggy really, really admired her- for the bravery it must take, for the power it must require to extend your own pregnancy by sheer will alone. And it was such a her thing to do too. Proving the impossible possible, just for one person she never met but must have loved more than anything else in her life.

Ace would have never questioned if he was loved, if he were to grow up with this powerful woman Buggy always saw as his own mother.

Rouge was going to live this time around.

Buggy would not have otherwise.

Others would not die too, if Roger were to live- so that was another thing taken cared of if he managed to save Captain.

For that bastard who killed Shanks.. Buggy would deal with him- even if the thought made him feel disgusted with himself.

He would find a way, even if it was a gruesome one.

He sighed, opening his eyes and looking at the darkened sky. Spencer and Taro asleep beside him, some pirates sleeping on the floor while some Whitebeard Pirates must have gone to their own room- the deck feeling more deserted than before, maybe it’s because of the lack of Whitebeard on his giant chair.

Buggy had a half a mind to go back to infirmary and curl around Red.

He stayed on deck, and slept there.

Around dusk, from what Buggy could see of the sky, Taro woke him up with a smile- “Come on, sleepy head- we gotta go to our own ship.”

Shanks was at his back as he said so, Taro causally carrying the still sleeping boy- with how deep Shanks sleep was, it was possible that they couldn’t awake him.

As Buggy nodded, too sleepy to answer verbally- rubbing his eyes like it could help him to get rid of sleepiness faster- Sunbell chipped in, Buggy was not sure if he was there the whole time or just arrived. His haki betraying him now that he is too sleepy to care. “We are getting back on Oro, because Captain and Whitebeard both decided to deck on a nearby island. You can continue sleeping if you want to until we arrive, can carry you if you want?”

Buggy declined almost instantly, found it too embarrassing- also shocking to a degree, since he never thought Sunbell would offer. Though, now that he think about it, he could remember a few times where he got piggy backs from him when he was an actual kid- him and Taro the most.

Huh, he never thought he could have forgotten something like that.

Though, the consistent teasing he got from Sunbell while they went back to Oro was almost enough to get rid of whatever warmth he felt at what he just remembered.

Sunbell’s “Oh, come on, we will not judge you for being itty bitty tiny- promise, kiddo.”, “Hey, hey, are you embarrassed- is that it, is sleepy head embarrassed? Aw.” and many more annoying words following him to the ship, Taro joining him in teasing Buggy for a few times too.

They were trying to get some reaction out of Buggy, like how his kid self would have reacted- so Buggy delivered, he huffed and puffed, defended himself in the same way his childhood self would and got some laughs out of them for all his effort.

On the ship, Buggy promised himself to write the list of everything he has to do after he wakes up and curled on the deck- refusing to go to his room and sleep in his hammock.

It sounded so daunting to him, for some reason- no one really insisted much anyway, they just let him sleep on the floor of the deck with minimal resistance.

Buggy curled around something directly connected to the ship so he doesn’t fall to the sea; the fear of drowning still too strong in him, even if he knew there was no devil fruit to hold him back from swimming this time.

It was, surprisingly, a restful sleep- even if he was out in the open. Just like when he slept at Whitebeard’s ship, Buggy wondered what changed- maybe he was too tired, it was a possibility. Exhaustion had a cut clear way of getting to you, same with stress- maybe this was the reason why he found himself having deepest sleeps he had in ages in places he should be the most alert on.

The next time he woke up, it was to the noise of them decking. Whitebeard pirates also should have docked really close to Oro, because Buggy could even hear their noises.

Grumbling a bit, his neck and sides hurting due to sleeping on hard floor- the ache so familiar, like an echo of the life he led before Roger basically kidnapped him. Getting up, going near the railings to observe which island they were in- and immediately freezing in his tracks.

He knew this island- he visited it a lot in his past life, and he means it when he says a lot. This island, Palmevia, had a lot of bars and taverns- pretty shady stuff usually happened in the island. Lots of hard drugs, weapons and poisons going from hand to hand and those were the most mild examples Buggy could think of.

It had a good spot in the ocean, where most ships usually stopped on for various reasons. No matter if they are marine, bounty hunter, pirate, adventurer- this was like a middle ground for all them to exist together, and perhaps not so peacefully too.

The chaos of this place let him buy whatever he wanted without anyone sniffing around, it was a part of why he came here often.

The main reason was different though.

He couldn’t believe his lucky stars- This was the place Buggy found one of the herbs needed for the potion in his last time.

He started trembling, eyes widening- awe pulsing in his veins as he couldn’t believe he could ever be this lucky. Lucky and Buggy just didn’t mesh well, but here he was.

Here he was.

He tried to control his soul voice tighter, so Captain can’t sense his feelings- his hands and forehead sweaty, anticipation building up in his chest.

They got out of the ship, once again meeting up with Whitebeard pirates- who, indeed, did deck right beside their ship- everyone got assigned to groups, just like how Buggy remembered it would go if they go to supply restock with Whitebeards. Something he fondly remembers really, he found the whole process fun- but right now, it was not really his focus.

He had to sneak away from the group he would be assigned to, and go look for that specific bar he had in mind. The exact place he could buy the much needed ingredient, he didn’t have much money with him- but it was okay, he was good at pick pocketing. Much better than his childhood self, that’s for sure- and he was pretty good at it back then too.

Sue him for being confident in this, everyone had to be good at something right? Thievery was where he shined, no matter how fucked that sounded.

He was assigned to the group who stoked on food, which make it all the more easy- due to how they were literally going to every single place this island had, they saw a lot of people and Buggy could stand close to strangers without looking suspicious in a crowded food stall.

He used it to his advantage, stealing from anyone who looked like they had money, none noticed- they would, in a few hours at least but they wouldn’t know who did it- they wouldn’t find out either.

By the time shit genuinely hit the fan, both pirate crews would be out of here. The maximum amount of time they would be here was two or three days, so Buggy wasn’t all that worried.

And even if they didn’t, doubt anyone would suspect Buggy or any of his crewmates. Same with one of Whitebeards, no one would dare.

Even if it was in the past, their name still held power.

Buggy needed to get this ingredient as soon as possible.

As soon as he thought he had enough money, he got away from the group- all of them distracted, his soul voice being hidden helping his case here.

Before anyone had any idea, Buggy was already going to the opposite direction from them. The bar he was aiming for was on the a deserted part of the town, right around the similarly deserted library that Buggy had a soft spot for when he was older. It was a nice library. Most books in it were old, filled with information you could not get anywhere else, even some banned books were in it- which was a fact Buggy adored. The outside of it was was mainly themed after a novel, ‘The Golden Prince.’

For a second, he really wanted to change directions and go to library instead- he wondered if it was all the same, just like he remembered.

But needs are must, he didn’t stray from his path to the bar.

The issue, that he did not realize until too late, was that he was a kid now.

A literal, in Sunbell’s words, ‘Itty Bitty Tiny’ kid.

It only dawned upon him as soon as he opened the door of the bar- the smell of booze was sudden but not unexpected, there was a slight fog in the ceiling of the place due to what these people preferred to have in their system. When he first came in here, he was a lot older- having easier time with blending in, not standing out due to how many different types of people were in this place. The bar almost always crowded, even now, several years in the past.

This was not a place he could be safe in as a child. As a weak, unprepared child- His adult self would be able to do it, since he was able to mingle in with the crowd and able to stand his guard if things get nasty. In his adult self, he had his trusted weapons and a devil fruit to boost- a body fit from years of fighting too.

Now, he had none.

He still tried, trying to look as tall as he possibly could- making his face void of emotions as well as he could, hoping to no end that it will work.

This was important, he couldn’t mess this up.

In a hurry, he went to the bartender- almost falling twice due to how much he was trying to get out of everyone’s way, so they do not notice him. When reached to bartender, he immediately asked about the herb he wanted, a core herb that is generally used in making of drugs that causes auditory hallucination- Named Lavemorn, not many know of it, but all the quality drugs (and turns out, miracle cures) are made with it in them one way or another. Then, just after he asked for it- Bartender’s eyes snapped to him, narrowing dangerously and oh.

Oh.

Buggy, with some numb sense of shock, only then thought that a child being here, asking about this, would send the worst kind of warning bells to these people.

Bartender slowly, ever carefully, said that they do not have it- but that ‘its weird for a child to know of it and think to came here?’

Buggy was in some deep shit.

Before he could backpedal and get the fuck out of this place to make a new game plan- Someone was grabbing his upper arm, such a tight grip that Buggy couldn’t help but let out a pained hiss. Almost able to see purple bruises he is going to have for weeks to come, not liking the idea.

“Why does a kid knows that, huh?-” but the asshole of a man was not even looking at Buggy, instead he was looking around him- alerting everyone, “Look there’s a motherfucking kid here! Someone sent this little thing here for sure-” His laugh sounding obnoxious, “Wanna bet it’s Marines?” hitting on all the alarm bells of Buggy’s mind.

Bartender’s voice was so strikingly calm, especially compared to the other man’s voice, making eye contact with Buggy.

Smiling in the most creepy way Buggy was unfortunate enough to witness. “Lucky for us, our helpful Marine clients helped us for years now. But occasionally, meddling Marines’ get bold- i don’t like that, my clients doesn’t like that.” his smile stretched impossibly wider, looking like a cursed doll than a human- Buggy remembered seeing this man from before, but he never witnessed him like this. “Sorry, dear young client- Don’t take it personally, but we don’t like meddling. Lucky for us, our Marine clients helped us find a way to pass under the radar and generously helped us protect our place from any unapproved denden mushi- Though, maybe it’s not as lucky for you as it is for us.” Then making a hand move, just the tiniest bit of moves-

Everyone paid attention, every single one of these people- no matter how intoxicated they are.

Like a chain reaction of sorts. Most turned around to see what the man was talking about- seeing an actual kid in here seem to shock them all though, once again reminding Buggy that forgetting such important detail was a very bad idea. The resulting laughs were cruel and condescending- the threats to skin him alive and send him back to Marines as a coat didn’t really sound like a threat, more like plain facts. All of them being on some sort of drug didn’t help.

The man’s grip on him was so getting tight enough to break Buggy’s bones- but trying to make the man let go was fruitless. He was giving Buggy major creeps, he didn’t notice it at first but his pupils were in different sizes- the hand gripping his arm sweaty and full of needle scars, looking at Buggy in a certain way that Buggy was scarily familiar with-

From the streets, just before a young girl or boy dies under the hands that search to pleasure themselves.

Coming here without a plan, forgetting just how young he is, blindly jumping on this chance was the stupidest thing he ever done.

Just as he was reaching to the only blade he ever owned in this timeline, the door of the place got kicked open. Making everyone startle, turning towards the door- including Buggy. He couldn’t sense anyone coming into the bar, even though he should be able to even if he was distracted- but when he saw who was the one that kicked the door,

it made sense.

“Step away, he is with me.” Sharp teeth showing, looking intimidating and unexpectedly calm. Well, for anyone that didn’t see the tremor on his hands.

It was Jadyn, looking directly into the bartenders eyes. Angling his body just so, letting bartenders eyes catch the tattoo on his upper arm. “You don’t wanna mess with us.” He sounded so sure of his himself, his polar bear teeth still on full display.

The man holding on to Buggy’s arm let go of it, the pain almost tripled as soon as he let go- but Buggy refused to make it more obvious that he was in pain. He immediately put some distance between him and the man, making himself closer to Jadyn in the process which was a great bonus.

Just like it was some sort of signal, like how bartenders weird hand move was a signal, the atmosphere changed- calmed down, like a predator going back to lurking.

Bartender smiled, less creepy version of the smile from earlier- it almost looked professional, it gave Buggy the chills. “If so, what can i do for you?”

Maybe things mellowed down in the future, but Buggy didn’t remember this bar being ever this intense- at this point, with all the weird hand moves and signals, not to mention clearly drugged members it looked like some different type of cult.

There was no way in hell things were this intense in the future too without him noticing, something must have changed- but he remembered seeing this exact bartender before, just a bit older. So it cannot be him, maybe the owner of the place changed?

Yeah, yeah its possible.

Jadyn stepped in front of him, his arm slightly in front of Buggy’s body- looking like he did it almost unconsciously. “And now you give us what he asked for! For him.. and for me too!!” Startled, Buggy looked up only to see Bartender nod and go to presumably bring it over.

Buggy’s jaw would have dropped if he was not in a situation where showing such emotions could go incredibly wrong. And, looking up at Jadyn, he tried to understand why he wanted one for himself too- did he even knew what Buggy asked for? Was he trailing him, for how long?

Curiosity got the better of him, so he whispered to him in the quietest way he could- trusting his mink ears to somehow enchant his hearing or something. ,,Do you even know what i asked for?" Jadyn gave him a reply just as quiet. “No idea…” Shrugging, just the tiniest of movements- both of them trying hard to not make big movements or noise like they are nervous that their luck will run out. Buggy able to see just how nervous and scared Jadyn is, even if he still looked intimidating if you didn’t know to look deeper. “But, eh, does that matter? Its always better to have something then to not have it.”

Well, he had a point in there. It was also almost Buggy’s whole life motto, being prepared was the best thing one could do for themselves- and it included having random things stocked, just in case. But also, “That’s such a hoarder mindset-” Just like Jadyn did, Buggy also shrugged with the minimum amount of moving it would require- basically copying Jadyn, and it seems to amuse him. ".. I approve."

“Always gotta prepared for anything after all.”

Buggy’s eyebrows rose, not expecting Jadyn to think the same thing as him just now. But before he could dwell on it further, the bastard bartender was back. “Lavemorns, just like you wanted.” Buggy immediately got out of Jadyn’s back and grabbed the thing on for dear life- basically ripping it off from the Bartender’s hands. Grabbing Jadyn’s wrist, he basically ran out- Jadyn following him. Now that they could go out with what they wanted, Buggy didn’t care how cowardly they looked- well, how cowardly Buggy looked since everyone with eye could see how he immediately grabbed Jadyn’s wrist, pulling him out with him.

When he stopped, they were pretty far away from the bar- a fact that made both Jadyn and him sigh in relief. Buggy’s relief was short lived though, his plans of no one seeing him sneak out or find out about what he got was now in ruins and to be honest, it was freaking him the fuck out. The person who found out about it being Jadyn also didn’t help at all, since he was clearly very damn intelligent, clearly did not have anything against black mailing people if he had to and that meant danger.

Buggy was not sure if he should say something first, but in the end he decided to let Jadyn start to conversation- maybe he would say something that Buggy could use to sway his decision, if he decided that he must report it to his Captain or something.

Though, he really was not expecting the next things coming out of Jadyn’s mouth. “I was Complaining about the red one getting drunk too young, but getting high this young is even worse! …Actually, no, both of it sucks but damn!”

Buggy just looked at him in pure shock, the bastard genuinely looked concerned too- which did make sense, since this herb was something generally used in drugs, but for some reason it offended Buggy a lot that he thought Buggy was on drugs- he was insulted, damn it. “What the fuc- No! No, I’m not getting high- this is for something else for fucks sake!” that was as much as he was willing to give to save his last drops of dignity, he would not share any more with Jadyn no matter what happened- but he also didn’t do drugs, so this has to be enough to convince him.

Jadyn turned to him with practically stars in his eyes, “oh~, you’re planning to drug someone? I can get behind that. Spill! Or, if its too private don’t, but I’m certainly interested.” looking all energetic and happy while talking about it.

Whitebeard always got the wild ones, how he managed- Buggy didn’t know.

“Something like that.”

“Oh, and if you’re scared of me using this to blackmail you- don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. Unless you give me a reason to need blackmail!”

Yeah.. Yeah that was exactly what Buggy was scared of.

Chapter Text

The sun was about to set, Buggy didn’t think they were in the bar for that long. He was not happy about being proven wrong.

This supposed to be easy, him giving the money and getting the herb fast- the reality couldn’t be more different than that even if he tried.

Only positive side of this was that he got the herb for free, which means he had some money of his own in case of emergencies. He could hide it somewhere in the ship, just like old times- use it when necessary without crew’s notice.

But, the bad sides were too many to simply ignore. For one, Jadyn saw him get Lavemorn, witnessed it first hand- big chance this was also going to be a known knowledge in between some circles of piracy, since a Whitebeard pirate got involved with this. A fairly young looking one too. The gossip circles, aka the information hoarders, would love this. Even in the future, Whitebeard’s crew never ever been involved with anything related to drugs.

Yes, Lavemorn had other uses than just the makings of a drug but it was not known by many- hell, even Buggy wouldn’t know it could be used in anything else if not for the Strawhats.

This potentially could bring some serious issues to Jadyn’s and Buggy’s way. Not because it was rare for a normal pirate to buy these kind of things, but because they were not normal pirates.

Since Jadyn would be talked a lot in those circles now, Buggy could also be the topic of those- he didn’t cover his face, or hide his most noticeable features. Someone would figure out that Buggy really was a Roger pirate.

He really had been stupid. So, so stupid.

Not that he could do anything about it now, nothing could ever convince him to go back to that bar when he already had what he needed. If Jadyn didn’t come the moment he did, this would have blown much more out of proportion than it was right now- having their name involved with the drugs was unfortunately the better option if the other options were Buggy killing at least a few people in there and make some reputation from it or die trying.

Or worse, if Buggy thought back on the weird look the man who grabbed his arm had on his face.

Jadyn did really save his ass over there, but this was clearly not an accident or whatever- He should have known Buggy was there, and potentially in danger. From how nervous he looked back there, there was no way he was there for himself after all. “Hey.. were you trailing me?”

Because that was the only way it made sense. He didn’t see or feel Jadyn around while he was with others, or when he was on his way to the bar. Even though it worried him to no end, Buggy knew how good Jadyn was at hiding his soul voice, it was possible that he somehow saw Buggy leaving and trailed after him. Buggy hiding his haki wouldn’t be an issue too, if he kept an eye on Buggy.

It would make sense.

So imagine his surprise when Jadyn says otherwise. “Not really, i was looking something to eat with my Marco and then i got bored and i felt your Haki all alone so i went to investigate cause i was bored- and then i felt that you were scared so i hurried!”

This, this didn’t make sense. Him not being able to sense Jadyn was another thing, him being able to sense Buggy even when he is hiding his soul voice was another.

Buggy knew he was one of the best when it came to haki hiding- that wasn’t a talent he lost when he came back, his haki control was the same as it was in the future. Not even emperors were be able to notice him when he was hiding, Jadyn shouldn’t-

He didn’t look like he was lying.

“But I was hiding my haki?”

He sounded unsure even to his own ears. Who was Jadyn in the original timeline? Why Buggy didn’t remember him?

He knew he wasn’t one of the people who died in Marineford, Buggy would know. He also would have remembered him if he was one of the powerful ones in Whitebeard’s crew, even if he was dead.

So, why?

Did Jadyn left the crew before he could become a bigger name, or did he die?

Maybe Jadyn was an anomaly, and Buggy was in a whole another universe than his original one- That was also a possibility. An universe where everything is so so similar enough to be count identical, but full of small anomalies.

The thought of it made Buggy want to cry, for some reason- so he put that thought aside for now.

“Well, you hid it well! But not well enough to hide from me.” Hearing that gave Buggy the chills. He did not like the sound of it, at all. He had to train his haki more, how he would do it he didn’t know but he had to.

Not to mention, he should never do something like this again when Jadyn is near- it was too dangerous, too risky. One time was more than enough, Buggy didn’t need another experience of this. “I am very good at observation Haki!” Looking so proud of himself, grin still in place.

Buggy wanted to ask him about his limit, just how far he could sense-? The center city where the food was sold was pretty far away from the bar, and if what he said was true than Jadyn was there before he got bored. Meaning, Jadyn sensed Buggy’s emotions from that far away- a feat that would be hard to do even Buggy.

Sensing emotions were tricky, and sensing them from far away was just another level- especially the emotions of someone who were already hiding their haki.

This was the scariest thing that Buggy heard and experienced today, and he had a lot of scare just a few minutes ago.

Before he could even begin to think on how he should approach to asking his questions, Jadyn put his arm around him and turned him towards somewhere so fast that Buggy’s vision went blurry for a second. “Put on your best happy face!”

Shocked, Buggy of course didn’t- looking at Jadyn in pure confusion. Then, he was blinded by a flash- a camera flash to be exact.

When he regained his bearings, whoever took the photo was nowhere to be seen. And Jadyn’s arm was still on his shoulder.

Buggy brushed his arm off. “Did you see whoever took the photo? Why did you- Who was that? You know that could be dangerous right?”

It could be someone from the bar, fuck- they would be done for if the bar wanted them hunted or something. Maybe Jadyn wouldn’t, but Buggy would be freaking screwed.

Jadyn watched him with his arms held up defensively, watching him like a curious cat instead of answering- his fangs visible even if he is not trying to show them off. Head tilted to side, expectant.

Buggy was too busy going a bit crazy thinking of all the worst possibilities. He will need to sneak off from his crew’s side a lot, might even need to leave the ship if the ingredient he will need to get is too far- he can’t get hunted while dealing with that, he can’t.

Especially not by the ones in control of this bar and it’s clients- they are fucking crazy. The thought of it was enough to make Buggy pale dramatically, the urge to puke more apparent than ever.

Jadyn was now looking at him like Buggy just lost his brain somewhere and forgot to get it back. Slowly, pronouncing every word too carefully just to make a point. “It’s a bounty poster photographer, Buggy.”

Somehow, even with the whole thing happening a few minutes ago, this was the stupidest he felt.

“Bounty photographer?” He murmured in total terror, voice silent and words slow.

Fuck Jadyn for looking so amused by it. “Yeah, yeah a bounty photographer.”

Buggy couldn’t take it anymore, burying his face in his hands he screamed. This was worse, so much worse. How the fuck would he explain this to anyone, how the fuck he could stay low now?

This ruined everything.

Fuck him for thinking he was lucky just that morning, he fucking jinxed himself- “You okay? Should have guessed a bounty is coming up when you walked into a drug bar unless it was a suicide attempt”

Raising his head he looked at Jadyn, he was aware he must have looked a bit pathetic- he felt pathetic.

He couldn’t believe he just did such a mistake, and Jadyn pointing it out- being so logical about it, was not helping.

Jadyn looked like he really wanted to help calming Buggy down, but he also looked like he could burst out laughing any second so it canceled each other in Buggy’s mind.

Sighing, he suddenly felt very done with this whole day.

The crew could notice their disappearance soon, which would bring it’s own complications- like there isn’t enough of that already. He would prefer not to bother with it. There was a chance Buggy’s disappearance would not be noticed until midnight or so, especially if Shanks is distracted enough. But Jadyn was another case all together. Whitebeard would notice, and ask about him if he didn’t already.

When he voiced it to Jadyn, he didn’t seem to care all that much. “Well, they can do that if they want to. Their fault for not noticing when we disappear. I, for one, am going to climb up to that cliff thing!” Pointing at the spot in a bit of distance, even without looking Buggy knew what he was talking about. Been there before, caught his attention when he first came to this island, when he was just a mess made of feelings. “It looks so cool.. You can go back if you want, but it would be more fun if you came with.”

Buggy had a choice there now- he could go back, write the list he was planning and made sure his crew didn’t realize he went off of on his own or he could go with Jaydn, learn more about the one person he didn’t remember anything of.

It was not like the crew would never learn he sneaked off, there was pictures taken and a bounty poster in the making.

And Jadyn was a mystery, an anomaly- Buggy wanted to know more.

He chose Jadyn.

The climb up was not too bad, but not good either. Jadyn didn’t ask Buggy if he was fit enough to climb all the way up, he didn’t ask if he did even know this enough to do it safely- he just assumed Buggy could. Buggy couldn’t help but notice it, a mundane action that Buggy probably shouldn’t have payed attention to- but it was important, it was important to him.

Buggy could climb, obviously. In this body or his older body, it didn’t really made a difference- he was a good climber even before being picked up by Captain. Had to be, if he wanted to survive- running off as fast as he could, climbing to places just so someone doesn’t see and beat him to the inch of his life just because of some food he stole, that was the norm.

So, of course he knew how to do it as safely as he could- it still shocked him to the core that Jadyn didn’t immediately assume he couldn’t.

Jadyn stumbled a few times, Buggy having to catch him- both having scrapped knees and arms by the time they made it to the top. Jadyn didn’t care for his own wounds when Buggy pointed out, “Dirty wounds.. Eh, whatever- don’t worry, it’s not important.” But then he zeroed in on Buggy’s own scrapes, and immediately offering to clean them. Buggy found it cute and concerning. He insisted that Jadyn should clean his own wounds too, but Jadyn only turn to the side where he had a tattoo on. “Is Oyaji’s mark okay?”

Buggy was unimpressed. He told him that it was, not even one scratch.

Buggy once again remarked that Jadyn should clean his own wounds too but when Jadyn insisted on not to Buggy started to clean Jadyn’s wounds for him- with the wet wipes Jadyn brought out from inside of his poncho.

They sat there, cleaning each other’s wounds.

Buggy could feel the stress of the day leave his body, something about the intimacy of this settling him in a way most things couldn’t.

It was already very dark out, so it was hard to see around. It would be hell to go down, Buggy wasn’t looking forward to it- but right now? Right now everything else could wait.

Right now, and only now, it was nice.

Jadyn was talking, telling Buggy everything and anything he could think off- childish glee clear on his tone. “I love green. It’s the best, like, colors are actually so interesting because they say so much about a person. Say, is your favorite color blue? Because i think people would assume that…”

He was right too, even his own crew from the future thought so. Buggy didn’t correct people on it though, it was not like he hated blue- his hair was one thing he absolutely adored about himself. It was definitely his second favorite color. Just as Buggy was about to agree and say that it was blue, Jadyn continued to talk. “Ohh, is it red? Because of the red one?”

That’s it, Buggy hated smart people.

His one second long hesitation seem to be enough of an answer for Jadyn because he smiled, “You do seem to like him a lot.”

Well, it was not a surprise that Jadyn got that impression- Buggy made it obvious enough that Shanks was precious.

It still gave him weird feeling though, hearing someone say that- usually people assumed he hated Shanks, even in their childhood.

Buggy found himself agreeing easily with Jadyn, “Yeah, i do.” Because what it was, if not the truth. Buggy adored Shanks, he despised him too- Too much history behind every emotion, too much history behind them, way more than even this Shanks knew. “And you are right on the other things too- most don’t know my favorite color is red.”

Jadyn rolled his eyes playfully, done with cleaning Buggy’s wounds just as Buggy is of his. “But its strange, my hair is black and white but no one assumes that’s my favorite color or calls me that.. How weird people work.” Refreshing take to hear, Buggy couldn’t help but think. Such a simple way of taking it, it made Buggy smile softly- just the tiniest bits.

“Red is a very nice color. Oh, one of the prettiest things is red! Blood!” Buggy lots his smile, letting it slip in shock- not expecting it. “I think blood is really pretty… and your red is cute too, like, the kid. The S one.. Shark.. no, he wasn’t Shark was he? Uh..”

Buggy laughed out loud to that, the loud sound surprising him as much as it did Jadyn. For some reason, he looked proud of himself. “No- Not Shark, but I’m so calling him that the next time i see him.”

Jadyn brightened up, smiling at Buggy in a genuine way that Buggy didn’t expect. “I mean I can see why you look at the kid in the way you do, blood colored hair? that’s so pretty.”

Buggy tilted his head, not understand what Jadyn is getting at- and adding ‘fascinated with blood’ to the mental list of Jadyn’s traits.

His confusion made Jadyn look at him wide eyed, “Oh shit, you didn’t know? Then it’s good I’m telling you, because now you can remind yourself to mask it if you don’t want others to see. But you do go totally soft and yearning when you look at the red Sharks guy.”

Touched by the masking comment, and totally offended at the mere thought he had been looking at Shanks that way, Buggy immediately rejected the whole idea all together. “I do not!”

“Do too!”

“Not!” Jadyn just smiled at him indulgently and went silent.

Buggy admitted defeat.

A comfortable silence settled between them, both looking at the stars they could see in the sky.

Stars looked so close, when you were this high up.

After a while, Jadyn was the one to break the silence. “You know, i noticed you aren’t very happy with the Roger Pirates.” That immediately made Buggy look at Jadyn, “And i think Oyaji noticed too, that’s why he said that- and what he talked to your Captain about.”

Buggy was quick to refuse, he was happy with Roger pirates- he was overjoyed with the chance he got to fix things, to make it right. “I’m not unhappy- I love being in the crew.”

Somehow, it fell flat. “Loving it doesn’t mean it cannot make you unhappy. That may work with the Roger Pirates but it won’t work on me- I see the way you tense.. and the sad look in your eyes. I won’t pry on why, but you aren’t alone in the feeling. That you don’t belong, that no one understands- i get it. I know the feeling in a way. I don’t know what you went trough, i wont claim that- just… know you aren’t alone”

He kept talking, not giving Buggy any chance to speak up again- like he is running out of time, and he needs to speak up now.

“I was like that too when Oyaji picked me up.. Didn’t wanna be there at all, i tried to fight it- Tried to kill myself all the time,” Buggy’s eyes felt like they could pop right off from his skull with how wide they felt- hearing that comment from a kid this young also didn’t help. “Throwing myself into the ocean, but they kept picking me up. I’m content now i guess, but i don’t expect you to be- not what i mean with this.” Somehow anxious, tapping his fingers to his leg, he continued. “Sometimes I still want to just run off. Run Away. Maybe we could run away together, never to come back-” A hallow laugh, self conscious in a way that felt too genuine and too familiar. “But we are both too loyal for that aren’t we?”

Buggy laughed too, same laugh as his. “Yeah.. we both are too loyal for that.”

Buggy never liked Whitebeard’s way of doing what he does- never liked how he kept them basically captive, against their will if he had to. Until they got used to it, or just gave up and decided to roll with the punches. Ace’s way of dealing with it had been attacking Whitebeard, day or night- it didn’t matter to him if what Marco said was the truth. Ace was older though, so much older than Jadyn. Jadyn chose to die instead of staying with Whitebeard, Whitebeard still kept him anyway.

For the better maybe, probably if we look at how Jadyn seemed to adore his tattoo- the mark of Whitebeard on his skin, but it felt dirty to Buggy.

Left a sour taste in his mouth.

However, who he was to say anything about Fathers who didn’t know when to stop. At least Jadyn’s would have chosen him, did die a protector instead of the king he was.

Just for his kids.

‘Aren’t alone’ Buggy wanted to cry, would have if he was alone- he didn’t.

Instead he got closer to Jadyn until their shoulders touched, until their heads leaned against each others. Giving some of his weight to Jadyn, “Thank you. Thank you for saving me and for your words.”

He couldn’t see Jadyn’s face due to how they were sitting, but Buggy had a feeling he was smiling. “I’ll always help you! We are- we are friends now, right? Or, well, friendly acquaintances if you’d prefer that..and I always help friends! Its like Mouse’s Business Motto- Satisfaction guaranteed.”

Buggy laughed once again, remembering who Mouse was- Buggy didn’t think Jadyn intended it like that, but Mouse was a known scammer from the Whitebeard pirates. A part of Whitebeard’s children, he got hunted more severely than any other one due to how many people he managed to piss off.

Buggy liked the guy, honestly- he remembered how he died, it wasn’t pretty.

Jadyn pulled his head back, making Buggy lose his balance for a second before he regained it. Jadyn was looking at him hesitantly but closely, like he is trying to understand his reaction-

Suddenly it clicked, Buggy smiled- once again, a small but sincere smile given to the boy in front of him who offered him nice words and a part of his past. For this boy who didn’t hesitate to save him from a situation he previously was unaware of, a boy who tried to kill himself to escape a person thousands of times powerful than him and still found it in himself to love and be loyal.

Buggy didn’t believe his ‘ will always help’ words, not really. Nobody meant it when they said those words to Buggy, but he didn’t have the heart to reject a person who tried their hardest to reassure him. Not when it was rare that his sadness was taken seriously, or showed empathy on.

Who was Jadyn? How did he die or did he even die-

He probably did, loyalty was the end of most Whitebeard pirates- Jadyn looked like one of those, his care for his tattoo just one proof of many.

“Friends, we are friends- fits the best i think.”

The happiness that basically radiated from Jadyn’s smile was enough to stop any regret Buggy could feel about his own words at it’s tracks.

Jadyn laid back on the ground, while Buggy changed the way he is sitting just to be able to see Jadyn’s face when he talks but didn’t lay down.

“Hey Buggy, when you look at the stars, what do you see? I see the future and the past. Its like.. there’s so many myths in so many cultures about the stars and constellations. How they came to be. They say people are stars, that they return to the sky to shine bright once more after they die. And the stars they guide us sailors, so its like everyone we lost is guiding us on our new path. Because whatever happens, whatever we lose, the stars are always there, in the sky. They guide us. And no matter what happens, its a reminder that the future is ours, ours to shape. We have a choice.”

That was.. an insightful way of looking at the whole concept. Buggy never thought of it like that.

He remembers, when he was a real child, they just felt like huge witnesses- like the concept of God some people likes to preach about. Sun, stars, moon- All the pretty things that Buggy can never touch, staring at him in his lowest, unmovable and unreachable. Unchanging.

He was a bitter kid, really.

He wanted to see an actual reaction to his sadness when he was a kid, an actual change in something- anything. To him stars, or the sun, or the moon, all of them felt like another proof that he would not matter.

Everything would stay the same even if he fought it with all he has- didn’t stop him from fighting though, didn’t stop him from trying over and over again.

He sometimes wonders if he changed at all, or if this whole thing is another thing that Buggy is stubborn on.

Maybe he just died, maybe he is now in his own personal hell- doing something thinking it will change something, only to start all over again when it doesn’t.

An infinite loop of desperation, an unwillingness to stop- changing nothing.

“I like your thoughts on it better than mine.”

He pulled his legs towards himself and hugged them- hugging himself, like the little kid he is now.

Jadyn didn’t ask again.

Instead Buggy felt hesitant arms around him, cradling him close to Jadyn when Buggy did nothing to stop it.

Getting comforted by a kid just like him.

A hour or so later, a Whitebeard pirate came to get them- telling them how worried they all were and how they searched all over the place for them both.

Then took them to their own separate ships.

After reassuring surprisingly really worried crewmates and Shanks, Buggy hid all the money he stole and started on the list.

Crossing over Lavemorn.

Chapter Text

Roger felt like he aged fifteen years in the span of just two days. Which was very damn impressive for him to feel, since he thought he had been in every stressful situation one could ever imagine and come out of them with minimal damage to his sanity. Or with his ‘lack of sanity getting worse and worse with every new adventure they found’ if Rayleigh was to be believed. But jokes on him, turns out he hadn’t been in all possible high stress situations, was better off for it actually, he should have appreciated it more.

He knew fatherhood would be hard, but goddamn they didn’t warn him enough - not that he would listen to them of course, but it was just the principle of the matter.

He never knew his Buggy could stress him out more than Shanks did when it comes to running off and finding trouble, but here they were- a bounty poster in hand that arrived not too long ago.

After literally only disappeared for half of a day, half. Not even a full day, half of a day.

He would be questioning how Newgate deal with this if he was not so pissed at him right now.

The photo and the name on the bounty poster was laughing in his face, Roger could feel it- who cares if they are incapable of doing that. Roger could feel them laughing.

‘Buggy of the Whitebeard pirates.’

This should be a joke, the cruelest joke and most unfunny joke Roger ever had the displeasure of witnessing but a joke nonetheless.

Buggy was too young to have a bounty poster, and what was up with the name on it? Why one of Newgate’s was in the picture? What the fuck Buggy had been up to the day prior to this.

The bounty wasn’t low either, it was a fairly good one- which made it so much worse.

Roger didn’t know if he should be proud, pissed, or just plain old worried- couldn’t decide, so he let all of that run free.

Buggy was safe in his room, and Roger was strong enough to protect him- but it didn’t stop the worry.

He really felt like he aged too much too soon.

He would have expected something like this from Shanks, not his Buggy- not one who insist on common sense nonsense and tries to avoid dangerous situations.

Unlike how Roger felt like he aged, he couldn’t help but feel like Buggy got younger overnight now- like it was possible. Bounty poster, seriously? He was too young. And yeah Roger was proud that his Buggy officially become the youngest person to ever have a bounty, but this was all wrong.

First, once again, too young. Secondly, the name? Roger scowled, looking at the bounty poster like it personally insulted him- and in a way it did. Buggy was not one of Whitebeard’s, he was Roger’s kid.

He was Roger’s.

Third, Buggy was with a Whitebeard pirate in the photo- The kid named Jadyn or so, he was posing to the camera while smiling and doing a peace sign with his hand while Buggy looked at him in pure confusion- only his side profile visible to the camera but still very recognizable.

“What the hell, Captain? Why are you staring at the same thing for over ten minutes now-” Taro came behind him, his voice losing it’s annoyance when he saw the bounty poster- ripping it away from Roger’s hands. “What is that, let me look.”

His actions, of course, gained the rest of the crews attention- well, of the ones who were awake enough to be on the deck at moment.

“Is that- oh damn, no wonder you looked at it for so long.” Taro’s words didn’t reflect it all that well, but his soul voice basically screamed of worry to Roger- Roger could sympathize.

Someone screamed rather loudly on the ship right beside them, which is Whitebeard’s, but Roger was too furious to care about that now.

Other’s came to look as well- all of their reactions so different than each other but only the worry is the same.

Momora losing his cheer and looking at the bounty in pure stress basically summarized how bad this could go- his soft “Oh boy,” showing his reaction rather clearly.

What the fuck Buggy did?- Roger needed to know. Not knowing was killing him, especially not knowing the reason why he was called on of Newgate’s when he obviously wasn’t.

Rayleigh offered to get Buggy, but Roger was not about to let that happen- even with knowing Rayleigh apologized, Roger still wasn’t all that convinced on letting him do the talking when it came to important situations like this.

So, he went to kids room alone- grabbing the bounty as he went, leaving others to do their gossiping.

On his way over to their room, Roger tired to decide how he should approach the situation.

Usually, he just showed whatever he was feeling without restraint- didn’t really out much behind it, if he was feeling it he would be showing it.

But this was a different case all together. Roger had too many mixed feelings about this; he was angry, he was incredibly proud, he was worried. It was all mixed together, hard to decide which to show first or not show ever.

He let his soul voice run free, let it show all that he was feeling and opened the door to kids room- Buggy startling awake even without Roger doing minimal noise, looking at Roger in surprise and fear.

Seeing that fear did something awful to Roger, but he prevailed.

Shanks was still asleep, unaware of what was happening- which suited Roger just fine, it was pretty early anyway.

“Captain-? Did something happen?” But Buggy’s eyes were on the paper on Roger’s hands. Roger knew he pieced it together already, so he crouched in front of Buggy’s hammock- handing Buggy the bounty.

Watched as Buggy’s face went through so many shades that it was concerning, looking at the bounty like it’s his death sentence.

He wondered when Buggy stopped trusting Roger with his safety, when did he stopped believing Roger would be able to protect him?

Roger carefully did not let the hurt he was feeling reflect on his soul voice.

Roger just silently watched Buggy, holding to the bounty poster with white knuckles- almost enough to rip it accidentally.

He didn’t know what was going through his little head, but he could see the bitter fear on his expression- far away look on his eyes.

It was physically painful for Roger to see, so much that the anger he felt at the name on the bounty got put to the side as he focused on Buggy’s distress first and foremost.

He wanted to ask what he was doing yesterday. He wanted to ask him so, so badly.

He didn’t.

Instead, he reached out to touch Buggy’s hand- making his stare snap at him, finally stopped looking at the bounty poster with that awful look. “You know I’ll always protect you, right?”

Roger thought Buggy at least knew that much, had hoped so. In the hindsight, it hasn’t been long since Roger took them in. However, he had foolishly thought he managed to make it clear that he would be there if his kids needed him. Just a few days ago, Buggy came crying to him- and foolishly, maybe naively, he thought it meant Buggy trusted him with his tears, with his sorrow.

But was it the opposite?

A warning before all trust was lost? “I will protect you, Buggy. I will, you are one of mine. Not one of Newgate’s, not anyone else’s- my crew, my kid and I protect my people.”

It didn’t help that Buggy looked so disbelieving. Roger didn’t understand where it went wrong, there has been no incident where Roger failed to protect one of his. He was proud of his achievement when it came to that. Why and when did Buggy lost trust in him? Maybe it was the whole Rayleigh situation, but something in his gut told him that was not the reason why. And Roger trusted his instincts. Before he could somehow continue the conversation there was a soft noise on the other hammock, Shanks waking up- looking surprised to see Roger, the warm sleepy smile he sent to Roger so jarring in the situation they are in.

Shanks seemed to notice it too, sitting up in his hammock- looking utterly adorable with his sleepy hair and slightly confused expression. “Did something.. happen?”

Just like Buggy, Shanks eyes were on the bounty poster as he asked- making a delighted sound and leaping to grab it.

Roger did nothing to stop it, even as Buggy seem to panic and try to pull the poster away from Shanks to no avail.

He didn’t really understand why he would want to hide it from Shanks, since Roger was pretty sure Shanks would think it was the coolest thing ever. Always loving to brag about Buggy’s achievements, like they are his to cherish- Roger found it absolutely adorable, he thought this would be another one of those times.

But was proven wrong.

From the moment Shanks saw the bounty poster at its fullest, the sleepiness vanished from his face- Roger could feel his soul voice shape into some intense possessiveness, surprising him. It was so intense, jealousy mixing up with sadness that Roger could only describe as crushing- settling on jealousy like a cloak. Insecurity and betrayal mixing up to it almost seamlessly- his soul voice so much like a scream to Roger’s senses.

Roger didn’t understand where it came from- not even Roger reacted this aggressively to the poster, and it literally said ‘Buggy of the Whitebeard pirates’.

Shanks was looking at Buggy in what Roger could only describe as pure heart break, “Are you replacing me now? Is that it?”

Roger decided that it was time for him to leave the two be- this didn’t go as productive as he hoped, he didn’t even get to ask his actual questions but he also didn’t feel comfortable staying here and invading something that he clearly couldn’t help.

They could work it out themselves, they always did.

For now he had a pirate to shout and get his anger out on.

He left the room rather abruptly- not seeing the pleading gaze of Buggy.

He left, just like that.

As Buggy watched Roger leave carelessly, taking his proud but worried haki with him- Buggy become even more overwhelmed with Shanks’ own haki. Whispering of heartbreak and screaming of possessive anger.

He was not sure if he could deal with this.

Woke up to Roger’s weird mix of feelings hammering his head to pay attention, now facing with Shanks’ soul voice trying to turn him deaf. Overwhelming his senses, overwhelming him.

Looking at him expectantly, waiting for Buggy’s response to his words but Buggy was not sure how to answer. Of course, Jadyn was not a replacement of Shanks and of course Buggy didn’t hate him- but it was hard to get his thoughts together when Shanks’ haki was pressing on him, drowning him.

He knew he would react badly, that’s why he tried to keep him from seeing the bounty- Why Captain let him see it, why didn’t he help Buggy hide it?

Why Captain had to leave him here, with an upset Shanks to deal with?

Why couldn’t Buggy have one damn break for a chance, was it really that hard?

“You were with that boy too yesterday!” Shanks continued to talk, pacing around the room- waving his hands around with a snarl on his face that probably shouldn’t seem as intimidating as it does. Buggy felt himself shrink back, maybe it would have been more bearable if he couldn’t sense how Shanks was feeling. But he could sense it, it was blurring Buggy’s sense of self. Shanks’ feelings blocking Buggy from reaching to his own, not letting him think, not letting him do anything. “You didn’t even talk to me much, one or two words at most and what-” Shanks haki lashed out in sync with his words, spiking to even more overwhelming levels while Shanks seem to get even more agitated. “You like him more now? What about- we supposed to be the closest, Buggy.” Getting close to Buggy, his lower lip trembling, looking like he could sob at any moment. “I.. I thought.. I thought you liked being my friend the most. But you have been different ever since a few days ago- and maybe, maybe you don’t like me anymore. We supposed to be best frien-”

When he reached out to touch Buggy’s face, his haki got even more intense- childish selfishness clouding it to a degree where it made Buggy nauseous.

Buggy flinched, Shanks froze.

He retracted his hand, letting it fall to his side.

His haki was almost visible to Buggy- so intense that it went beyond just feeling, he could almost taste it’s bitter taste on his tongue.

“Guess I was mistaken.”

A fight must have broken out, because a lot of noise suddenly came from outside of the ship.

Shanks turned his back, Buggy fleed the room like it’s on fire.

Only when he was far away from the room that he could use his senses again- the invasive intense haki not close enough to interfere with his own thoughts.

The adrenaline crash made him fall to the side, on the corridor that leads to the deck. Falling to the floor and leaning to the wall, he took deep breaths- feeling like someone was choking him just a few seconds ago.

The worst thing about the type of haki sensitivity Buggy had was that if the other person felt something intense enough and was close to him- Buggy could feel it, no matter what he does to prevent it he couldn’t help it. It was not like normal sensing, nor was it like him focusing on one person and willingly letting their haki invade his senses.

It was involuntary, a weakness rather than a strength- Good thing that people rarely felt something powerful enough to cause this or if they do, they never are close enough to Buggy for it to really took hold. Still, Buggy trained himself for exactly these situations- and they were no help this time. Couldn’t be, when that training could be summarized as ‘Attack the moment it takes hold, do not let it escalate, be fast.’

Buggy wondered if Jadyn had the same type of sensitivity as Buggy- or was it the more powerful, but more balanced type. Like Rogers.

Buggy used to think Roger’s sensitivity was the same as him, but after what happened there and after his reaction- Buggy doubted that.

Maybe it was just another weirdness of Buggy, a freaky clown with some faulty haki sensitivity.

Who knows.

Hearing another shout from outside, Buggy sat up with shaky legs.

Trying to not think about what Shanks said, or how he felt-

He just-

He just didn’t want to deal with it now.

Shanks wouldn’t die today, or tomorrow, or any time soon- Buggy had time, he could make it right and just.. fix this.

But he just couldn’t do it now- he can’t.

He had time on his side, right?

So he went to the deck, then got out of the ship when he saw how everyone was gathered on the ground.

He did not look back.

Whitebeards laugh was as loud as possible, seeming to be genuinely amused while Captain was fuming. “How dare you-” Screaming at Whitebeard, getting more frustrated when nothing made Whitebeards smug grin slip.

Buggy just knew this whole thing was because of that damn poster and what they called him.

He just knew it.

He approached the crowd, and started to passively watch the drama unfold. Tired and void of feeling of success he carried yesterday, now only the consequences of said success on his mind.

Too many consequences.

He watched bemusedly as Roger actually took his sword out, Whitebeard overjoyed by it- clearly enjoying the thought of a good challenge, aware that Roger would not fight with him with actual malice.

He sighed, and startled when someone started talking right beside him- not expecting that. “Buggy, Buggy-” turning to face him, he yelp and curse “What the fuck, Jadyn.”

Jadyn kept smiling, jumping up and down in his place- honestly, he was a lot different than the first impression he got from him.

Still scary though, that’s for sure. “Listen, i saw this super cool forest, I wanna sneak off and Explore. There’s lots of plants and other stuff I’m sure, its so much better then this, we are friends right? Right, Right??”

It was not like watching Roger and Whitebeard have some warped version of dick contest was fun, but he didn’t know if he should just.. leave. Especially after yesterday, other’s have been unexpectedly worried after all. And Shanks..

(‘You didn’t even talk to me much-’)

Somehow, Jadyn’s face looked like Shanks’ for a second. Looking at him like he was breaking him, but then it was back to normal- Jadyn looking up at him with so much hope and excitement- (‘I thought you liked being my friend the most.’)

Buggy wanted run away for the day.

Jadyn did too, so he would understand- right?

He had time, he already got one ingredient- he could have this, to celebrate that right?

And well, this could also pass as information gathering, if Buggy looked at it from a specific angle.

He did want to learn what happened to Jadyn in the future after all. (Or in the old universe Buggy was in, because that was a possibility that Buggy had to consider if he kept not remembering anything about Jadyn.)

“Sure, we are- let’s go.” the resulting smile from Jadyn gave him was enough to make Buggy relax a bit.

Jadyn grabbed his wrist, leading him to the forest “You like plants right?” Buggy raised an eyebrow, not understanding why he would assume that.

There was the.. drug, of course- but usually that wouldn’t immediately make someone assume that- especially since they kind of establish that Buggy would ‘drug’ someone with it. Not that the loving plants thing wasn’t true, since he was rather interested in the topic- but why would he assume that?

“The drug thing you got, i was thinking, did you really get it to drug someone or do you just like herbs? Or both? Herb collector and Drug specialist maybe? You seem the type.” That was definitely a compliment, it was totally a compliment and it got Buggy preening like a fool.

What can he say? He liked being seen as capable- everyone but his crew from before did it so rarely.

He would like to savor it as much as he could.

“And listen, if you like herbs and plants I’m sure we can find some there!” Jadyn’s excitement was almost contagious, it did sound like a good idea too.

He didn’t go to the forest of this island in his past life, he didn’t felt the need to- so now he was extra curious, wondering if there was any chance there was some poisonous plants in here that he could use to coat his knife. Since it was not the best, and not that sharp due to how old it was, coating him with poison could work well for Buggy- especially now that he had a bounty on his head, even if it was under Whitebeard’s name so most wouldn’t dare to attack.

But most didn’t mean all, and Buggy needed a way to protect himself.

He knew how to make some simple poisons, the issue would be to make some without alerting anyone- Him sharing a room with Shanks also didn’t help.

He had to hide a flinch when he thought about Shanks- the dread coming back to him like it never left.

Sighing, unaware how closely Jadyn was watching him- he got his thoughts back in order.

No matter what Roger said about ‘always protecting him’, Buggy knew there would be times he wouldn’t be able to- Buggy wouldn’t risk getting killed just because he had a shitty knife that he refrained from coating with poison, just because what? he believed someone would save him?

Laughable.

Better be prepared than be dead.

Though, maybe he should have thought exactly like this before he went to that bar with full arrogance and no thought behind his eyes- it would surely make his life easier, but what was done was done.

If he couldn’t find any plants here that he could use, maybe he could look at the city center for any non shady place that sold poison- a place where he wouldn’t be maimed or in any type of danger.

That was something to think on for sure.

Jadyn, still holding his wrist looked at him with a curious look- been silent for a while, and seem to only want to break his silence now. “Your red one seemed to be distressed?”

Buggy wished he didn’t break the silence at all. Silence was good, he could appreciate it- he wasn’t appreciating the very thing he was, technically, running from being brought upon in a conversation.

Not to mention, in utter dismay “You felt that?”

The thought was horrifying, the way Shanks haki reacted was very telling about what was happening- Buggy could shiver from just thinking about all the possessiveness it carried. And Jadyn feeling it? Probably even guessing the reason why? Horrible, Buggy wanted to dig a hole and never come out.

Jadyn did say that even if Buggy hid his soul voice, he was able to sense it- Does that mean he also felt whatever state Buggy’s haki was in when it all went down?

Fuck, Jadyn’s confirmation did nothing to help. “Yeah I did. His Haki is like, super obvious. Like, its screaming at me ‘come listen, come feel me’ or something.” Throwing Buggy knowing looks, not elaborating on it- giving the choice to ask more to Buggy.

Buggy didn’t- desperately trying to change the topic, he didn’t want to think of this now. Explaining it would just make Buggy feel worse, and he also didn’t want to let Jadyn know too much about Buggy’s haki sensitivity.

So, changing the topic it was- For some reason, the first thing that came to his mind was flowers. Asking Jadyn about his favorite flower, getting rewarded with Jadyn going on a whole rant about it.

Buggy patiently listened him talk, trying to not let anything slip behind his notice. “There’s like, a lot of pretty flowers, but my favorite is the lily of the valley.. something about it is just so pretty…”

Then they talked about flowers for a while, Jadyn asking him his favorite flower too. “Marigolds,” Buggy said with a self conscious air, “It might be a bit of a basic answer, but i like them.”

He always found marigolds to be pretty- when he first saw them, it was Shanks who gave them to him. Bought them for Buggy, putting some to Buggy’s hair even if he complained that it was stupid and that he didn’t need flowers.

Shanks said he looked pretty, two marigolds on each ear.

The crew teased Buggy to the degree that he refused to let the flowers stay in his hair for more than two seconds- ignoring Shanks mildly sad look and whining.

He kept the flowers though, spent time putting them all carefully between pages of his books when Shanks was asleep. For once, happy and content.

He kept finding marigolds in his books even years after, lost them all when Captain died and everyone had to leave.

His crew, his own crew, bought him some too- when they learned he liked them.

They put one of them to his hair as a joke and didn’t judge him when he started crying.

He wondered if this Shanks would give him marigolds too, since it never happened here.

Would Buggy could bring himself to keep them on all day this time? (‘We suppose to be the closest-’)

“Ohh..” Jadyn said in a odd tone, like he just pieced something together. “You know, flowers have meanings. They say a lot about people. Marigolds are beautiful flowers, they are probably some of my favorites as well. They.. fit you. From what i know about you.” Making eye contact with Buggy, he gave him that smile- where it looks like someone is pulling at the corners with a string. “And they help me know more about you.”

Okay, okay fuck- Buggy fucked up somewhere and said more than he should, but where?

Jadyn kept talking, walking leisurely without stopping. “I feel a bit bad..because i keep finding out parts about you that you try to hide without you telling me,” At Buggy’s petrified look, Jadyn just gave that smile again- looking lost in thought and more present than he ever had been in this whole conversation at the same time. But it didn’t go in the way Buggy thought it would, “So I’ll share something like that about me.”

What?

“The Lily of the Valley is a symbol of purity, joy, love, sincerity, happiness, rebirth and luck..” Buggy of course knew that already, meanings of flowers were another thing he liked to read of. “I like it because it represents what I’m drawn to. What i wish for. I wish.. to be pure again, like a child should be.”

Buggy felt like he just got slapped, he must have looked like it too because Jadyn’s expression turned fond- shocking Buggy.

“Joy, love, sincerity, happiness..” Breaking eye contact, Jadyn instead looked around the forest as they kept walking. “Being a happy child, sincere, pure, reborn.. I wish to be what I was never able to be. I don’t think i can do it yet. But the Lily of the Valleys announce the arrival the Spring. And maybe one Spring, i can achieve what i wish for. But until then, i will keep looking at them and admire their beauty.” A short laugh, “I also like them because they are quite pretty, of course.”

That conversation quickly got shut off, as Jadyn immediately started talking about something else, not before mentioning that how Buggy mostly reminded him of forget-me-nots

Jadyn had a very different way of seeing Buggy than anyone else ever did, that was for sure.

However, half of his mind was busy pondering over this new information- the questions he had about Jadyn increasing the more he thought about it.

He still payed attention when Jadyn started gushing about all his ‘siblings’ though. Sounding so happy and proud to be one of them, the smile on his face and the cheer on his voice unmistakably genuine.

And of course, the gushing started with Marco- somehow, Buggy wouldn’t expect otherwise.

“You know, Marco is the best actually- He’s the nicest and the coolest and the cutest obviously,” Buggy wanted to laugh at the face older Marco would make if he heard any of these from a crewmate.

Then the urge suddenly vanished when he remembered that Marco would cry his heart out in the most loud way possible if any of his siblings was alive and close enough to tell him these.

His old friend would have the most bittersweet happiness known to man kind, if that were to happen.

It didn’t though, there was no Jadyn to offer such compliments freely at that time- no sibling for Marco to relay on. Not really.

“And I love cuddling with him and talking to him and listening to him.. And whenever he complains about people it’s so entertaining and I always listen, always!” Buggy wondered, if Jadyn really existed in the first timeline- how Marco handled losing him, how did he handled losing someone who clearly adored him- talked about him so fondly. So lovingly.

Maybe Marco wouldn’t be wasting away at bars, accompanying Buggy on his grief days if an older Jadyn was there to hold him together. To help him carry the burden, offer him enough support in way Buggy couldn’t. “I never wanna be separated from him, he’s mine after all.” Buggy winched at the possessive tone but didn’t comment. “If anything ever happened, I would wanna steal him away and take him with me if I had to flee to be honest- Oh but, i don’t wanna annoy you with that… "

Buggy was quick to reassure Jadyn that he wasn’t annoyed. It took a while but Jadyn seem to believe him, especially when Buggy stopped hiding his haki for exactly one second so Jadyn could see crystal clear that he meant it when he said he wasn’t annoyed.

It definitely did make Jadyn more at ease, starting to talk again about his siblings. The other one on the list seem to be Thatch, which.. yeah, remembering how a person died while their younger sibling is saying so many nice things about them wasn’t the best.“Thatch is the best big brother and cook ever. I think he’s one of my favorite people to exist, i don’t know what i would do without him, he makes me as much of my favorite food as i want!”

“Should have guessed that you are another one of those food fanatics.”

Which caused a banter between them, which was great for making Buggy stop thinking about dead people- thank you very much.

Next in line was someone named Relia, he remembered her- it felt rude to think about but not knowing how she died did wonders to his nerves when Jadyn talked about her. “There’s Relia- shes so sweet, she’s sorta like a mom.. She looks sad sometimes, i think looking at some of us reminds her of the children she used to have, but she’s the sweetest.”

Buggy remembers gathering as much as information as he can about Whitebeards, juts in case- and he remembers the utter horror he felt at he read how she lost her kids.

Buggy had so much respect for that woman.

When Jadyn started talking about Haruto though, Buggy was surprised- “Haruta is the leader of the division I’m in, hes super cool, i learned a lot from him and i can always rely on him.”

“You are on his division? Aren’t you a bit young to be in a division though?” He asked curiously, hating how it made so much sense that Jadyn was in the information gathering division of all things.

Just his luck.

“Well, they didn’t wanna give me full responsibility yet so its like, i get small works i guess? When i ask nicely Haruta gives me bigger things to do as well. Though i have to do lots of chore things too..”

Buggy nodded in understanding, that made much more sense than the alternative.

Then it just kept going, for Izou he said “Izou is really nice, i always feel at comfort and peace with him, he drinks tea with me a lot when i ask.”

For Mouse it was, “Mouse is fun, he teaches me easy ways to make some more money” grinning happily. “I love money.”

Buggy was not sure of the legality of any easy way of making money Mouse recommended, but well- they were pirates and Buggy was definitely the last one that should ever make a comment about it. And well, “Money is the best.”

For Vharim, someone Buggy didn’t know much of but remembered since he had high bounty and a big reputation. “There’s Vharim, he looks super scary but he’s actually really kind, though he always seems to fight against something.. I see it in his eyes.”

For Liara, a nurse from their crew that Buggy only remembered because of her rather gruesome death that Marco often had to vent about. “There’s Liara, shes sorta boring at times but its like, professional boring. The type where she preaches ‘no nonsense’ in the infirmary. Shes a nurse, reliable and nice though strict.”

For Cirko, someone who died at Marineford if Buggy is not wrong “Cirko has big anger issues but he’s also a nurse, he takes care of people aggressively and he has big schedules. Rino payed me to memorize Cirko’s schedules and tell him, they are pretty neat.”

One eyebrow raised, “Huh, why would this Rino guy even pay for that?”

“I think he is gay.”

Both eyebrows raised, “I guess that make sense.” It still didn’t make sense to him though, Rino could have just asked Cirko about it if he wanted to know that much. Instead of using borderline stalkerish manners, or stalkerish by association? Since he only payed to get him stalked, by Jaydn, but didn’t do it himself?

Did it count as them both being stalkers?

Buggy, not noticing the hypocrisy in his statement “Why these people always stalk the one they want to date and never asked them directly?”

“To make sure they succeed? Information is power and all.. Grown ups are generally weird with love tho. I’ve read a lot of books like that too, its called dark romance. People are into that apparently. Hmm.. you strike me as the type to do that too when you are grown up. Tho, you also strike me as the type to convince yourself you aren’t doing that.” Buggy looked at him with his jaw dropped, Jadyn pushing it back up with a teasing grin and laughing when Buggy rolls his eyes at him.

“Don’t worry, no shame in it, people are always weird and complicated, grown ups even more then us. I never had a crush before tho, tho i guess i still have time..”

Before Buggy could answer, a familiar haki came to his notice- he froze, immediately turning to where he sensed it.

His blood ran cold in shock when he actually saw who it was, the newcomer speaking up “Are you Jadyn?”

Chapter Text

Buggy couldn’t believe his eyes, none of his sensed seem to be honest with him- playing games with him, surely.

Turning around just to see someone he never expected to see- not now, not for a while.

Another person he spent years mourning, in front of him now- breathing, there, alive.

Strawberry blonde hair, framing a face so utterly familiar and so distressingly unfamiliar at the same time- younger, looking stressed but hopeful. Somehow, having that same expression she always used to have when she thinks she did something bad and is about to repent for it. Like she got an important chance she had to cherish, but with dire consequences.

An expression Buggy saw rarely, but remembered just to same. Not looking at him, instead looking directly at Jadyn- asking about him.

She didn’t know him yet, but Buggy knew her by heart- Remembered all about her, all the tragedies and all the soft lovable things. Remembered the times where she pet his hair, said ‘Keep your head up, live in whichever way you want.’

For some reason, even if Buggy knew he could come face to face with Rouge soon- it never occurred him that it would be so soon, in a day like this. He thought it would happen in a day where he could at least have some warning beforehand, some time to prepare before seeing a dear one who left too soon- another one he never get to say goodbye to.

His mother in all but blood was standing in front of him, and she didn’t recognize him.

The last time Buggy saw her, she was older than this- her hair longer, not short like it is now. The last time he saw her, she smiled at him- coming to his side with a teasing grin and hugged him tight even as he tried to get away without a real effort behind his attempts.

It was just a bit before Roger dismantled the crew, left them to fend for themselves- promising to see them again, and never keeping that promise.

This Rouge looked different, but it was still the same person- a person Buggy adored, always will.

She was not looking at him, she wasn’t addressing him-

He looked at the side of her face, and remembered the smile- the warmth that hug gave to him.

Nobody told him facing loved ones that never knew him in this time would be this hard.

Forcibly, with a lot of effort, he stopped looking at Rouge- turning to see Jadyn’s reaction.

Curiosity made it’s presence even more obvious, not knowing how Rouge would know Jadyn.

He doesn’t remember Rouge ever talking about Jadyn- with the amount of thinking he was doing to remember Jadyn, he would have pieced it together by now if Rouge ever mentioned Jadyn.

Not that Jadyn seem to know her, if the suspicious face he is making is to be believed. “Who’s asking?”

Looking between Rouge and Jadyn, he was able to see Rogue hesitate- a rare thing to see, which made Buggy even more curious. Seeming to compose herself, determination in her gaze. “I was a friend of Nikolai.”

Which seemed to be some kind of magic word. Jadyn, for the first time ever, looked like the kid he should be- all guards down, losing all his composure with that just one sentence. Buggy was incredibly surprised to see his eyes water, looking like he can’t quite comprehend what she is saying. Like the name was some sort of secret code to all defenses Buggy was aware Jadyn built around himself, destroying them all in one move.

“You.. You are?”

Rouge seemed to recoil away from the sheer vulnerability on Jadyn’s voice, like it it was her pain too. Reaching out to the pocket of her skirt, she pulled out a golden bird trinket- which seem to shake up Jadyn even more.

Buggy didn’t know why, but his first thought was this was some sort of cult bullshit.

What can he say- after living as long as he did, he saw a lot of fucked cult issues pop up from the most unrelated places.

He was so ready to be proven wrong.

After Jadyn saw it, he seem to believe Rouge even more. His immediate trust towards her would be concerning if it was not Rogue they were talking about. Introductions were made, Rouge telling them her name, asking who is Buggy- hurting Buggy with no fault of her own. They learned that Rouge was here because of some bounty she was hunting, heard about a mink with human face and polar bear traits seen at the bar last night and immediately started to search.

Which prompted Jadyn to say something Buggy didn’t know was possible before. “I’m not really a mink, though.” Making both of them to stare at him questioningly.

“I’m humanish.. I guess? I have a human face, human hair, human body.. just bear ears, teeth and i guess I’ve got some other traits but those aren’t visible.” Buggy didn’t know that was possible. Yeah, he did thought a mink with human face was pretty out of ordinary- but he always thought that was just another thing not known about minks.

Maybe it was some sort of devil fruit? But he never heard about a devil fruit that gave people polar bear traits or anything.

Rouge, looking unsure, hesitated before asking “I didn’t know there could be half minks?” She was carefully watching Jadyn to make sure she didn’t accidentally offend him, trying to be slick about it but not succeeding at all- even Jadyn noticing it very clearly.

He seemed to be pleased with it, about Rouge being careful about not upsetting him. “Well, i didn’t know either.. Though, I’m not sure if I’m even anything mink or maybe some sort of monstrosity or something.”

Buggy frowned at the wording, the casual attitude Jadyn had about insulting himself in such a way. But it wasn’t like he could comment on it now, Rouge could be the one saying something about it when the time was right- she, due to her connection with this mystery man, obviously had more of Jadyn’s trust than Buggy ever did in these few days he knew Jadyn.

He could understand it too, so he didn’t really mind.

Trusting a stranger was another thing, trusting a stranger who had the approval of someone you clearly valued a lot was a whole another- Buggy didn’t really trust Jadyn too, it was only fair.

Now, he was a bit too curious for his own good- Jadyn not being a mink was not on his bingo card, he really did though he was one. The next best explanation would be devil fruit powers, as he was just thinking about that possibility just a few minutes ago. “Are your bear traits from some sort of devil fruit?”

Jadyn looked uncomfortable with the question, Buggy felt a bit of regret- this was clearly a sensitive topic for Jadyn, if his earlier thoughtlessly rude words about himself were anything to go off of on. “I do have a devil fruit, but I was born with these traits.”

This came as a surprise to Buggy, while Rouge seem to know about it- probably meant she learned Jadyn was a devil fruit user from that Nikolai person.

Buggy didn’t have that kind of knowledge backing him up, he had none actually when it came to Jadyn- so, unashamedly, he asked about it. He didn’t have any reason to think Jadyn would be uncomfortable talking about his devil fruit, though big chance he would not be open about it at all- knowledge was power, and Buggy knew where he stand. “Huh, what kind of devil fruit?”

Jadyn turned to him, smiling mischievously- making Buggy tense and narrow his eyes in anticipation. Trying to guess what it could be, but without any hints he had no way of knowing. He didn’t remember Jadyn ever showing signs of having a devil fruit honestly, so that was something. Then, something that looked as dark as a shadow picked up a mushroom from the forest floor- hard to miss when it was clear it was Jadyn who controlled it even without lifting an arm.

A sense of foreboding, he thought of a devil fruit. A specific one. That one damn devil fruit- the one Teach literally killed for. However surely it wasn’t it? Buggy could be jumping into conclusions. Surely, it wasn’t the devil fruit Jadyn has, since that did not make sense-

Or did it?

“..What- What is it called?” He asked before he could talk himself out of it, hands sweaty from nerves.

Unaware of Buggy’s inner freak out, Jadyn looked like he was having a blast- enjoying Buggy’s reaction, not knowing why. “I keep my secrets.” giggling happily, looking out of it in a good way- seem to still be living the high of meetings someone new who was connected to a person he clearly loved.

It was cute, and understandable- but not much of a help to Buggy at the moment. This was the worst thing to keep secret, even if Buggy logically understood the reason behind it. An enemy or a greedy person knowing what exactly your devil fruit is capable of doing could be lethal in some situations and an extreme disadvantage in others. Would make it easier to think of weaknesses , and if it was a powerful enough devil fruit- well, he saw what happened to Thatch.

And, possibly, what happened to Jadyn. If it was the same devil fruit as Yami-Yami no mi.. that could only mean trouble. Big trouble, the type of trouble that made Buggy want to cry.

If it was the same fruit, that meant Teach killed Jadyn long before he killed Thatch- possibly to make sure to eliminate the current user of the fruit, but unable to obtain the fruit. Making that asshole keep searching for it, still acting like he is not some big piece of shit that should have been left to die ages ago.

Did it make sense? Was it what happened?

Buggy heard about Thatch death, hard not to- if not in any other ways, he still would have heard about it from Marco.

However, wouldn’t Marco also mention it if it was not only Thatch who was killed by Teach’s hands.

“You have a really pretty hair!” Startled by Jadyn’s loud voice, Buggy flinched hard enough that he thought he could have jumped out of his skin.

Rouge saw it too, laughing softly at Buggy’s expense- Buggy found that he missed that laugh too much to take offense.

Jadyn was busy looking Rouge’s hair in awe, the pretty pinkish blonde. Rouge couldn’t seem to help himself any more, reaching to pinch Jadyn’s cheek- teasing smile on her lips, so similar to a version of her that Buggy held dear. “Thank you, i think your hair is pretty too.” Reaching out to twirl a white strand of hair, Jadyn going almost cross-eyed as he tried to follow her hands with his eyes. “Really?” He looked giddy, mouth left open in surprise- but a happy one, he looked overjoyed.

Buggy debated if he should leave them to it- go back to the ship, go back to Shanks.

Go back to face the mess he left, and run away from this scene-

He didn’t feel jealous, he knew how that felt and this wasn’t anything like that. He shake with the remembrance of Shanks’ feelings still, he knew what he felt about this situation wasn’t anything close to that. Maybe because he was more mature, or maybe because he was not a king like Shanks is- but it took far more than this to make him truly jealous.

This was something else, probably worry- this morning started in the worst possible way ever, and the trend was continuing. He was happy to see the person he saw as his mother, but he was not prepared to face her- not prepared to see her not recognize him. He also was not prepared to learn whatever devil fruit Jadyn had, it could be very well the fruit that brought Whitebeard pirates downfall- he might have been one of the people who died because of Teach’s greed.

This was no less overwhelming than the situation he left behind with Shanks.

Not to mention, looking at both of them from the side- he didn’t think he was welcome.

He didn’t fit in beside Rouge anymore, she didn’t even know him- did not call him the usual nicknames she always used, not looked at him with fondness.

She learned his name just a few seconds ago, and her focus was on Jadyn.

They looked happy, learning about each other and complimenting each other- Buggy didn’t belong, acting like a leech.

Just as he stepped back to go away before they could notice, Jadyn turned to him with the biggest smile on his face- his eyes basically sparkling, excited.

Buggy didn’t take another step back.

“You know, your hair is like- super cool too! It’s like the sea and the sky and its like you can claim a part of it?” While Buggy could only stand there in shock, Rouge chuckled- trying to hide it with her hands even. Eyebrows raised, looking between Jadyn and Buggy just like Buggy was doing to them just a few minutes ago. Her gaze lingered on Buggy’s face a bit longer, probably taken in how much he had been not expecting it. She stopped chuckling, coming beside Jadyn and using him as an arm rest as she said. “Jadyn, you are actually right- I can see the resemblance., you have a great eye.” All Jadyn’s outrage at being used as an arm rest melted away at her agreeing with him and complimenting him.

Buggy didn’t know if she was only saying it to get close to Jadyn by agreeing or if she was genuine.

He knew she was not one to use those tactics if she ever wanted to be close to someone- not when it involved children.

It was still hard to comprehend.

“Right!” Jadyn readily agreed, running out of Rouge’s arm and getting only a few steps away at best. ‘Use Buggy to rest your arm instead! He is shorter!’, gaining a offended ‘I’m not!’ from Buggy.- Rouge just catching Jadyn and petting his hair without a care.

Pouting, but clearly doing it only as a joke, Jadyn turned to him again. “I don’t really resemble anything cool but you like, have nature at your arsenal! You can be anything and claim a part of something as you go and its like.. super cool!” Buggy did not know what to say or think about that- if he should think about how once again Jadyn casually insulted himself, or if he should think about the ‘you can be anything.’ or literally any other thing Jadyn said.

He felt like a fish fresh out of the water, not sure if it was even a good comparison.

“I don’t know if it makes sense to you, the others always say i talk too much poetic nonsense for a brat but its not my fault I’m smarter and more interesting then them.” Rouge locked in to that so fast, asking Jadyn what he means by that- Jadyn looked confused as to why Rouge suddenly become serious, but Buggy was pretty sure it was her protective side coming to collect dues. Fair, in a way. Buggy could bet on his left kidney that Jadyn needed the type of protective Rouge sometimes showed- the blatant care does good to a person.

Buggy couldn’t help but think about Teach once again-

If, if Jadyn died because of Teach- when did he?

It could be any time from now to years later.

Buggy refused to acknowledge the sudden need to cling to Jadyn- to make sure he is close, his heart is breathing, to maybe give him some hints to never ever trust Teach even if it means it makes Buggy sounds suspicious.

Buggy tried his best to bury those thoughts.

Rouge told them about a house she owned on the island, close to where they are- since she decided it was the best bet to buy a house literally in a forest. Asking if they would be okay if they went there.

Since it was Rouge, Buggy didn’t really had any trouble deciding to go- but honestly questioned Jadyn’s survival instincts when he did not even wait a second before agreeing.

Only because of that Buggy finally gained enough courage to talk Rouge directly for the first time ever since they saw her. Aware that she wouldn’t find his words offensive, instead would find it amusing. Hoping that it would remind Jadyn that this could be a very bad idea, even if Buggy knew for a fact that it wasn’t. “Are you aware that sounds suspiciously like what a kid trafficker would say?”

As Buggy predicted, Rouge did found it amusing. “Cheeky.” Laughing as she said it. But unlike what Buggy hoped, Jadyn did not take it seriously at all.

Buggy fought the urge to sigh heavily.

For the entire walk there, Jadyn kept asking questions to Rouge. Almost never stopping, getting more and more delighted every time she did not brush his questions off- instead answering carefully, elaborating if necessary.

Jadyn looked like he adored her, Buggy wouldn’t fault him for it.

Things only calmed down a bit when Jadyn asked about Nikolai.

It suddenly become clear that this Nikolai they have been talking about all this time was dead.

Rouge talked about a man who valued freedom above all, adoring sea and someone named Riley.

He wondered just how much time has passed since his death, didn’t dare to ask. Jadyn clearly holding onto every word out of Rouge’s mouth, so much that Buggy couldn’t help but sympathize.

Grief was a part of Buggy’s soul at this point, he didn’t have hard time recognizing it.

When they arrived at Rouge’s house, Buggy carefully take in everything. He had never been in here, had no reason to, so this was something new.

Something precious.

The conversation stayed on the same topics mostly, Buggy didn’t talk much- didn’t felt the need to, instead observing his surroundings. Taking in the homey atmosphere, not surprised that Rouge felt the need to give the house personal touches of hers, even if she said she only came here once or twice every year.

“Wait- you are strong right? Bounty Hunter? Attack with daggers from the shadows? The cool kind? Like us?? Can you train us? Please?”

Turning so fast towards Jadyn that his neck ached, he stared at him in shock.

Giving a gentle smile, Rouge said “Sure.”

Buggy knew she would be anything but gentle. Any time he trained with Rouge in his first life, Rouge was merciless- the only expectation was the first time, but even that she was nothing close to ‘gentle’.

Buggy admired her.

Which was how they found themselves here, in front of Rouge’s house- training.

He remembered being in this situation countless times before, sometimes with Shanks but more often than not alone with Rouge.

He always missed it, even now- when it’s happening right in front of him.

It was not the same, it would never be the same ever again.

First to go was Jadyn, Rouge having a child friendly spar with him to test how he does things and how she can help him be better.

She would figure it out fast too, Buggy remembered how she was with him- immediately clocking on his capabilities, helping him with it. First, only enough to protect himself in times of need. With time, evolving into a real training. Her getting increasingly more aware of his insecurities, helping him with those- showing he can be strong, just in different way than others. Not as flashy, but deadly.

She was the only one who didn’t celebrate his first kill, when it inevitably happened- blood on his hands due to the crew being distracted by the big shots of the enemy crew and neglecting to handle the other ‘weak’ ones.

One of them would have almost killed Shanks, if Buggy wasn’t faster.

Buggy didn’t tell anyone, but Shanks told Roger. Roger told Rayleigh.

He got a congratulation and a slap to the back, even if Roger looked like he only did it because he didn’t know what else to say. Too angry, feeling guilty.

Buggy’s father celebrated Buggy’s first kill in the morning, then let Buggy hide under his arm and cuddle him to sleep at night.

Always breaking, then filling the blanks with a love resembling of pure gold- making a kintsugi out of Buggy’s mind.

Rouge though, only hugged him- he saw her one month after the whole thing happened, and she only hugged him. Didn’t say anything, didn’t celebrate, didn’t apologize- it meant the world to Buggy.

“Buggy! Buggy! It’s your turn now!” Jadyn pulled him up from where he was sitting, looking energetic and losing none of his happiness.

Rouge smiled at him, asked if he would rather to have a weapon or if he chose to fight with his fists.

Buggy took off his old knife from where it was hidden as an answer, not very embarrassed about it even though it made Rouge look amused.

Then it was on.

Rouge was holding back, of course- but this was really helpful, and frustrating. “Buggy, you are overestimating your reach-” was something he heard a lot in this short little training they did.

Buggy was not sure if it could count as training yet, since it was mostly Rouge trying to figure out their natural style. Too limited time, probably because it was already late evening.

When they were done, Rouge stayed silent for a few seconds- looking at Buggy with something he can’t decipher.

He didn’t need to, as Rouge shook herself out from whatever she was thinking about. Instead, reaching out to him- making Buggy become tense like a statue, not sure what she would do.

She just pet his hair and smiled, “Good job!”

He wanted to get out.

He wanted to get the fuck out-

Like someone heard his plea, a different Whitebeard pirate than yesterday’s found them.

All the way back to the ship, they got scolded for running off once again.

It sucked out any leftover energy Buggy had, if he even had that in the first place.

Maybe that was why, he completely ignored others on the crew- Ignoring even Roger, as he made a beeline for his room.

Stopping short when he saw Shanks, sleeping on Buggy’s hammock.

Buggy’s heart ached.

Buggy knew there were things he had to talk with Shanks- tell him he doesn’t hate him, for example. But now, Shanks was asleep on Buggy’s hammock and Buggy was so so tired.

He sighed, closing the door behind him as he climbed to his hammock. Making Shanks startle awake. Wrapping his hands around Shanks, whispering “We will talk tomorrow, Red-” yawning, snuggling even closer to Shanks “Lets talk tomorrow, yeah?”

When Shanks turned to him, and hugged him close, he thought of it as an agreement and fell asleep.

He didn’t get that the wetness he could feel on his shoulder was Shanks’ tears.

Crying his sorrow out, while Buggy either ran away or slept unaware.

In the morning, Buggy woke up to Shanks face- making eye contact from the moment he opened his eyes, startling him.

Shanks’ eyes were red rimmed, puffy- looking at Buggy with such a pitiful look.

“You were with Jadyn again yesterday.” He said, voice trembling- but not like yesterday, this time no anger was there.

Shanks sounded so genuinely sad that Buggy’s sleepy brain took a while to comprehend it.

Still not fully awake, he observed Shanks’ features- from the puffy eyes to the way he hold himself.

Buggy decided to be frank about it. “Yes, yes I did.”

Watching Shanks lips tremble, he didn’t know how it was possible but he looked even more upset- tears falling from his eyes.

“Why? I don’t understand.” He tried to hold Buggy’s arm when he got out of the hammock.

Buggy didn’t let him.

Getting out of the hammock as fast possible. Going to the pile of clothes they had on the floor and grabbing one that looked clean enough.

Shanks inability to ever understand was making his blood boil, even if his sadness made Buggy guilty- but why should he feel guilty?

He literally did nothing wrong.

“Why would you do that-? Buggy, what did i do wrong? Why don’t you like me anymore?”

Yesterday, he thought of reassuring Shanks. He thought of going back, dealing with this mess with the most delicacy. Reassuring, calming down Shanks like he is some sort of hurt animal in need of help.

Today, he was angry. He was angry because Shanks never understood- never understood Buggy, even years later.

Years passed by, and Shanks refused to listen- he asked, never heard, and said he doesn’t know where it went wrong.

Yesterday, he felt Shanks’ rage.

Today, Shanks could feel Buggy’s rage. “Tell me, do you even think about what you did wrong?”

Once again turning to face him, Buggy stepped towards him slowly. Watching him shrink back, just like Buggy did yesterday. “Do you even think what could upset me? What could make things painful for me, instead of you?” Giving a mocking laugh, Buggy turned his back to Shanks once again- not liking how he looked like Buggy was betraying some sort of core belief of his.

“Why do you think we can be closer than anybody, when everything is about your feelings and never mine for once? It’s all about you; what would have upset you in my position, what my actions makes you think- it’s all about you, you act like you care for me so much. Where is it? Why can’t I feel it if you care so much-”

Frustrated, he paced around- a mirror of Shanks of yesterday’s.

Still not looking at him, “How can you expect us to be close, when all you do is hurt me?” he asked, voice stone cold- heard Shanks sob, but did not look. “You never understood me.”

Then he left the room, like a coward.

He felt worse than he was before.

Chapter Text

As he got farther and farther away from the room- he couldn’t help but feel like he made a mistake. Letting old grudges control him, making him react more explosively than the situation demanded- Shanks, this Shanks, needed to hear some clear boundaries; not hear a call out aimed towards an older him- someone older, stronger, someone who kept making mistakes for far longer than this version ever had to chance to.

His words weren’t aimed to him, but someone different- someone long dead, someone who shared the same face as him but with age weighing it down.

Buggy was being unfair, too harsh- too much.

Even remembering that broken sob made him want to recoil somewhere- shame curling around his ankles and stopping him from moving once again.

Shanks has been out of line, but Buggy knowingly ignored that line too just now.

Even though he should have been the better person, he saw too much- Shanks’ jealous behavior shouldn’t be getting under his skin this easily, when at this age it was pretty normal stage of growing up.

He could have been kinder, he should have been.

Rubbing his face, he thought about how far he must have fallen to get angry at a kid and take out years worth of anger on him.

He thought about going back, but ultimately he decided to do it when the feelings weren’t this tense.

Once again, going out of the ship- not hearing a door opening and soft cries of ‘Buggy!’.

He felt more than saw someone grab his wrist, pulling him away towards the Moby- it was Jadyn.

Considering it would be the last day they probably saw each other for a while, it was relieving.

Not to mention, hanging out with Jadyn was distracting enough, he got caught up in bigger issues than the spats he had with Shanks.

Also, hanging out with him made Buggy feel comforted- somehow. Jadyn was scary, too knowing but also he was nice. He seem to understand Buggy and maybe he needed that.

Maybe.

Still pulling Buggy along, “Woman from yesterday, Rouge, i saw her at the Moby going to talk to Oyaji, come check it out! I saw you seemed to like her a lot, i saw it in your eyes, common!”

Why would Rouge ever go to Whitebeard’s ship? She never went after Whitebeard before, said he is one of the rare respectable ones.

Piecing the pieces together, he looked at Jadyn. She seemed to be utterly fond of him, and feel responsible of him- Buggy didn’t want to think of the possibility, but daring to fight Whitebeard about the ‘custody’ of Jadyn was very on brand with Rouge.

And he knew she was not above using the things Jadyn said about the crew yesterday against Whitebeard.

This was nerve-racking.

And… “What do you mean you saw it in my eyes?”

He doesn’t think he is that obvious. He shouldn’t be, he is pretty good at controlling his facial expressions and he had been very careful around Rouge yesterday.

“The admiration. You.. uh, sorry, I did it again.” Looking like he really does feel bad for reading Buggy that well. “Cant help it..”

Buggy was unsettled by how good Jadyn was at this, how he could pick Buggy apart this causally, not to mention notice Buggy even when he desperately does not want to be noticed-

However, he had enough of blaming kids for things they did not know how to stop- didn’t he?

So, even if it felt strained- he smiled at Jadyn, trying to show bow sincere he is. “It’s not your fault. Don’t need to apologize, you know?”

The way Jadyn relaxed made it clear that he was expecting to be reprimanded, the relief he felt at not receiving that was visible.

It made Buggy feel like less of an asshole, even though he knew he might as well be the worst.

Always fucking it up, somehow.

When they finally reached to the Moby, Buggy stayed far enough to see the inside and hear what is happening- but didn’t move further than that. Jadyn saw someone on the leaning onto the railings, started smiling so happily- something Buggy feels like could be rare to see for most people , but something Jadyn is allowing him to see.

Or well, maybe he is in the right place in the right time.

“I’ll be right back!” And just like that, Jadyn was gone- running to the ship, leaping over the railings and jumping on the same person he just saw.

The awful hairstyle was what clued Buggy to who that was, and he immediately felt his blood run cold.

Jadyn was smiling and hugging Thatch, at one point Thatch holding him from under his arms and swinging him around- both happy, Jadyn voice utterly delighted as he screamed about how this made him dizzy.

Looking like just another siblings who adored each other.

Both destined to die, just one death he is sure of though.

Just one he is sure of, and it doesn’t make it any better.

While he is looking at them, he notices something else too- someone, other than Buggy, who looks at them too intensely.

Looks at Jadyn too tensely.

It’s Teach, and Buggy wants to kill him so bad now.

He doesn’t know, doesn’t have any proof if Jadyn existed in his timeline or not- but if he did, there was a big chance he died because of this asshole due to devil fruit Buggy presumed Jadyn has.

Maybe he killed Jadyn, only to cover it up- Whitebeard pirates were generally a smart bunch, but they had habit of never actually suspecting one of theirs. Which proved to be the end of them, a rather spectacular ending too.

If Jadyn died, and if Teach never got discovered to be the murderer- wouldn’t that make sense?

Otherwise, Whitebeard would never let a traitor live. But if he covered his tracks well enough, it was possible.

Once again looking at Jadyn, talking excitedly Thatch- Buggy had the realization that maybe the reason why Marco never talked about Jadyn was because he died young.

Too young.

Around these times.

When Jadyn came back with some snacks on hand, Buggy was looking at him like he is seeing him die in real time.

Which he seem to notice, lowering his snack from his mouth and asking “Are you.. okay?”

Both of them nearly screamed when a loud explosion sound came. Making them look at each other with wide eyes before turning towards the noise- coming from the center of the deck.

Rouge was scowling, her haki covered fist just above a hole that she definitely were the cause of. Buggy could hear someone, probably the shipwright, cries of rage. Rouge didn’t seem to, as she also didn’t seem to see Jadyn with Thatch earlier. Something fierce in her posture as she had a stare down with Whitebeard. “Now, Newgate, are we clear that you will let me see the boy frequently?”

Whitebeard looked annoyed, and not in the same way he seems to be with his troublesome kids. Genuinely annoyed, “You still did not told me any reason for your sudden interest in my son, Queen of Spades.” Saying Rouge’s moniker like it personally offended him, his usual demeanor lost. This feel like some bad posturing contest, he would to say he was surprised about it but he was not- not really.

Normally, Rouge and Whitebeard got along- they had no issues with each other, since Rouge refused to go after him and was friendly enough. Also a good spar partner for Whitebeard, and he valued that sort of thing- Buggy could bet that was one of the biggest reasons why Whitebeard tolerated Roger.

But now, that calm almost friendly atmosphere was no way to be seen. The reason Buggy was not surprised was that he knew Rouge would not gave up on something she saw as the right action, and Whitebeard would never let anyone else claim his treasures. His kids. “I told you nearly ten times now, Newgate- It’s because of an old friend.”

This time, surprisingly, it was Whitebeard who was scowling. Irritating Rouge enough to make her scream “Oh, for fucks sake!-”

Jadyn latching onto his arm was unexpected, eyes on the Rouge’s screaming form- tone a bit weird, “Lets go- this is boring adult stuff.” Once again pulling Buggy, but this time away from Moby. “Let’s go.”

His voice sounded strained, looking more tense, only relaxing when they are no longer able to hear Rouge screaming.

Buggy thought about asking- asking if their abrupt leaving was because of ‘how boring it was’ or if it was because of all the screaming.

But Jadyn had that specific look on his face thought, it made Buggy hesitate.

So he changed the subject- “You know- if you want we can go the library? There’s a library here that I like, I’m not sure if you know but it’s design is inspired by a book called ‘The Golden Prince.’”

He hoped it would be a good way to distract Jadyn from wherever his mind clearly went to, hoping that at the very least he could make him focus on a book he probably never heard about by talking about it like it’s the most interesting book ever to exist. And when they were at the library, he could open another topic if he needed to.

He was utterly unprepared for Jadyn to look at him like he just hang the stars to the sky himself, looking like he just become the next coming of a saint or something- it was disturbing to be honest, Buggy doesn’t think someone’s eyes sparkling that much were definitely unhealthy. Hesitantly, just because of lacking any other things to say, Buggy asked the obvious question. “You know the book?”

Immediately wanted to face palm because of course, of course, he knew the book. His reaction was clear enough, his face literally did a complete change the moment Buggy uttered the name of the book. Why was Buggy this stupid?

Jadyn didn’t seem to care thought, Buggy doubted he even noticed how foolish that question was in this situation. Instead, he immediately started to gush about it while making gestures with his hands that Buggy could only understand as hinting at him to lead the way.

Finding it amusing, Buggy did. Listening Jadyn talk, “its the best book ever made- i own all the copies and special editions!” Okay, okay what? That was actually pretty impressive, considering even finding just one copy of that book was hard as fuck. Even Buggy, no matter how much he liked it, had only a few copies and no special editions.

The book’s plot was about a prince whose right to the throne, that he originally didn’t want, is threatened and for his kingdom and new ambitions he needs to earn it back. So to prove himself he goes on an adventure where he meets another shunned Prince, Geoff, who wanders the world as a traveler and has long given up his Status. Both meet in their own adventure and journey, Searching for something they’ve lost.

To be honest, he was now feeling a bit envious. Jadyn was so lucky for this, he thought with a smile. Which seem to encourage Jadyn even more.

“Well, almost all, but I’m getting there! The main characters friendship is like, literally the best ever?? I want to have a friendship like that one day, probably one of my biggest dreams.”

Buggy couldn’t help but get affected by Jadyn’s excitement himself, “What is you favorite character?”

Jadyn’s answer was immediate, no hesitation or whatsoever when he said, “It’s Aurelius. Yours?” Which was a fair choice, that character used to be his favorite too- he was obsessed with him when he first read about it. Aurelius, a prince who didn’t want to be the next King, but when his right was taken decided to fight for it

But now.. “It’s Geoff.” The more he got older, the more he started to like this character. He had a relatable side to him that Buggy found that he liked in characters. Geoff, a Prince who wanted to be King and who everyone else wants to be King but after he experienced some things gave it up. He felt more ‘human’ to Buggy in a way, he liked that.

Jadyn was once again looking at him with stars in his eyes, “I love Geoff too. I always wanted a friend like Geoff.’

Buggy couldn’t help but laugh sincerely, “Isn’t that all everyone wants?”

For the rest of the way to library, they talked about the book- from what they think the best scenes is to what characters should have been shown more.

Jadyn no longer had that weird, tense expression on his face- instead he was beaming at Buggy, clearly enjoying being able to talk about his favorite book with someone who actually knew it.

Buggy would be lying if he said he also didn’t enjoy it.

When they arrived, Buggy had to pleasure of seeing Jadyn’s jaw drop. Not even blinking just to be able to look at Library’s design more.

Buggy didn’t complain when Jadyn wanted to stay out more so he could look at any and all detail it had as a design- sometimes giving a delighted laugh and explaining what the detail meant to Buggy even though he knew Buggy already knew about it.

It was just his excitement showing, and Buggy found that he didn’t mind waiting for a few minutes before going inside the building- it didn’t make him lose anything, instead it made him feel better.

Made him feel like a better person.

When they finally went inside the library, Buggy knew Jadyn was instantly hooked. Even the grumpy looking librarian smiled at them when he realizes Jadyn’s excitement.

They were alone in the library, so as they looked through the books they could read for the day they didn’t see any issue in talking.

Jadyn was the first one to talk though, surprising Buggy. Asking about Buggy’s birthday of all things, making Buggy blink in surprise- looking at him in genuine bafflement, “Why would you want to know my birthday?”

“So I can prepare gifts, silly.” Looking like it was the most obvious thing ever, and Buggy should be so dense if he doesn’t get it- still managing to look fond and friendly even with such unimpressed expression.

“You would want to do that?” It was surprising that Jadyn would want to get him gifts, considering Buggy thought he wasn’t all that important- not enough to make him put effort into actually choosing gifts and remembering his birthday.

“Of course! You are my friend.” This was really not going anywhere he assumed it would go. “Can you tell me what things you like? Uh, like, themes and hobbies or something.. I know Red, Marigolds, Books, Ocean, Herbs.. what else do you like?”

Surprised that Jadyn even remembered this much, he thought of anything else he liked- he didn’t have much hobbies, to be honest. At least, not one he could share without sounding ridiculous- so he was a bit hesitant.

Then he remembered how his face was like now. “Make up.” he said without any more elaboration.

His face felt empty without any make up he was so used to.

But somehow, Jadyn knew what kind of make up he was talking about anyway- he was not sure if it because of how easy his nose made it to guess, or if it was because Jadyn already knew him enough to be pretty accurate on things like this.

“Ohh, like clowns? That’s so..” Buggy expected to hear lame, expected to hear pathetic, expected to hear ‘is that a pitiful attempt at embracing your disgusting appearance?’, However he did not expect- “Cool!”

Jadyn always surprised him.

Buggy parroted back to him, mind blank, “Cool?”

Jadyn quickly nodded, looking so earnest. “Yeah! We should dress up as jesters together! Its gonna be so fun! Make up and colorful flashy clothes! We are gonna be the coolest!”

This was making him remember his own crew in the best way possible, making his heart fill with warmth. “Really?” voice a bit too silent, but Jadyn had no problem of hearing it. Kept answering with the same enthusiasm. “Clowns wear cool hats with the poofy things often, i want one of those!” Jadyn were making the shape of the hats with his heads, trying to explain it better and looking utterly adorable. “Oh, oh, yes, we need to go shopping for that one day! It’ll be the best! I’m noting it down.”

Buggy, overwhelmed in the best of ways- decided that both of them needed a hug.

Reaching out to hug Jadyn, watching him beam and open his arms when he realizes Buggy was about to hug him- but then there was a loud noise, too loud for to be anything close to normal.

They both ran out to see, realizing it was coming from somewhere close to what their crew should be- they ran faster.

It took minutes,

They were on time to see the final result, but not enough to stop it from happening.

Buggy’s thoughts came to a halt, when someone stabbed Shanks when Roger was distracted- it all happening to fast for Buggy to even begin to understand.

Shanks fell to the ground.

Losing blood.

Buggy was pretty sure his own heart stopped working for a second.

Chapter Text

Everything happened too fast for Shanks to grasp, really. The day already had been a confusing mess, he felt more than miserable- guilty, for something he did not really understand.

Jealous, when he ran after Buggy a few minutes after he stormed off- only to see him with that other kid, leaving Shanks behind again.

Sobbing, as the feeling of being replaced by his Blue got suffocating.

He didn’t understand, Buggy said that was the issue- But he didn’t explain it, Shanks was utterly clueless.

Of course Shanks cared about what made Buggy upset, that was a given wasn’t it? He didn’t mean to make anything painful for Buggy, he was surprised Buggy thought so- He was surprised by everything he said, genuinely. It didn’t make sense to him, in his eyes everything was about Buggy- always has been ever since he decided that Buggy was his friend, his closest friend.

Buggy was the center of everything, like most things Shanks likes are- but better, more important.

Shanks just wanted to talk about how distant Buggy was being- just wanted him to say Shanks was more important than that weird bear kid.

He just wanted his favorite person to not flinch away from him, like how they used to flinch away from violent man.

Is he same as those drunk older men in Buggy’s eyes-

Is he really that scary?

Unimportant?

Was that why Buggy decided to not be his friend anymore?

Shanks, in his tiny mind, flagged himself as the failure.

He hurt his blue, and the knowledge of it was worse than anything else that happened after that.

The day passed in a blur- he didn’t know if he ever felt like this before, some sort of sharp betrayal carving his insides until he is unable to find joy in anything.

Every time he tries to think of anything else, Buggy’s voice echoes- sharp like needles, ‘How can you expect us to be close, when all you do is hurt me?’

The thing is, Shanks thought they were close- it was not expectation, it was a fact, before Buggy started to act all weird. He thought… He thought he was Buggy’s everything too, like he was Shanks’.

His Blue was the one stable thing in Shanks very short life, something for him to treasure without fear- he thought Buggy treasured him too.

He acted like it- didn’t he? Always a worrywart, always there.

He just-

He thought they were friends, but Buggy flinched away from Shanks like he was carrying a disease-

He thought they were friends, but all Shanks ever did was to hurt Buggy.

It felt too overwhelming, childish obliviousness mixing with concerning amount of sudden self hate- leaving him distracted, even when a fight broke out.

He didn’t know the reason why, he thinks maybe Captain said something- but he isn’t sure.

He didn’t react to the fight like he usually did; eager to prove himself, alert and ready for a blow to come. Instead, he was distracted- waiting for it to be over, trusting his Captain to protect him.

Because Roger would, right?

Everything else could fall away, any facts he thought were true could disappear- but the fact that Roger would always protect him would stay the same.

Right?

So, when someone sneaked upon him- he didn’t notice, putting his full trust to his crew.

You would think that spending half of his life with Buggy would teach him something.

It certainly didn’t, it seems.

He remembered the warnings from Buggy in the past too late, as the knife made it’s place in his stomach, all he could think of was Buggy’s voice- sounding far younger than now, ‘Those kids won’t last, Shanks- no one does, when they trust an adult.”

As Shanks was stabbed, it felt like some sort of pressure. Felt like he was being punched really really hard, an excruciating pain kicked in as he fell to his knees, he couldn’t control his voice as it came out in a scream.

He felt confused- lightheaded, in too much pain.

He could not move, he tried- the panic he felt grew with each failed attempt. He could only clench his hands around the stab wound- oh for the love of seas, it was a stab wound, wasn’t it?

He never actually got stabbed before, not really. He got beaten up, but it never included a stab wound. Was this how it usually felt, how could someone stand this?

His entire body started feeling as if needles were puncturing it. He felt a warm, slimy liquid flowing down his body.

Blood.

All over his hand, he could see- he could feel it, as he said. It was too much, was he going to die now?

He didn’t want to die- he didn’t, he didn’t.

Eyes burning, tears escaping his eyes, no matter how much he tried to stop them. He was in so much pain, it was burning - was it suppose to be like that? No matter, tears fell from his eyes anyway.

They spilled together with his blood, draining his body, weakening him. He had to cough, the fear intensifying when spit and blood left his mouth. Pure terror, that how he felt.

Now he could kind of get why Buggy got freaked out when Shanks talked about death nonchalantly- ‘I will mourn for you, Red.’

This felt like he was dying, a slow, painful death.

How ironic it was that only now he could understand Buggy a bit.

Gagging, feeling the food he ate earlier come back up, but seemingly stuck in his throat, sending him into another coughing fit. His throat hurt with it’s strength, he could feel someone’s hands on his back- sounding panicked and shooting at the same time, but he was unable to see.

He wished it was his Blue-

If, if he was really dying then shouldn’t Buggy be here too?

More spit, blood and what looked like blood clumps left his mouth, he could only see it blurry, his vision leaving him completely. He didn’t want to die, he didn’t want to die yet, he didn’t want to-

He gasped, his body seemingly rejecting air.

Countless faces appeared on his mind; all the people he saw dying, a lot of them looking like they are suffering from something great- Shanks remembers curiosity, and then some sort of hallow superiority; thinking he will not die on the floor, he will not just accept it and bow down to pain.

All that hallow superiority only brought him here.

All the hallow superiority, saying he will live to the fullest and then die with a big bang- all lead him here now, fearing death, on the ground.

If he died now, would he die loved?

Buggy, his Blue- if even he didn’t love him, someone who Shanks treasured more than anything, then who could?

Was he going to die unloved- like the last year didn’t happen, like he was back to being homeless- before meeting Buggy or Captain.

Before everything.

Was he going to die now?

Shanks couldn’t fully breathe, a clump in his throat making him gag more. He felt like he was choking, suffocating. Everything hurt.

It was like he was burning - he didn’t think it was normal, something was wrong with this.

Then, an unfamiliar but comforting warmth began to pool at the area, easing the pain just a little bit. It was unbearable, but to his pain ridden brain it also felt.. satisfying, in a twisted, cruel and wrong way. It made him, without any control of it whatsoever, push the object further, seeking that slip second of numbness, despite the pleads and protests of those around him- He could barely hear them.

His ears ringing, his mind focused solely on the wound.

He started hearing the voices in echoes, before they became more and more blurred and then replaced by the sound of the- of the ocean. The sound shanks once heard when he feel deep into the water, before his crewmates rescued him.

Shanks presses his hands onto the wound more, trying to get that pressure to not leave. In some way, it was hope that the pain would be eased by the strange sensation he wad feeling.

He could feel the blade going ever deeper- he could almost hear Crocus’ anxious words. Actually, he was not sure if that was some sort of hallucinations or the real thing- maybe Crocus really was saying something, nervous, maybe he wasn’t.

Somewhere along the way- in all that pain; with that satisfying twisted feeling, death felt like a relief. Less painful, less undesirable.

It was as if he didn’t fear it anymore.

It was as if he desired it.

Maybe it was the blood loss, or the incredible pain- like he is burning up, the blade pushing deeper and deeper every minute.

It was like a switch has been pulled, and now the pain overruled anything else.

The thought of some sort of numbness, the blessing of one, overruled everything else. Desired an easy solution to his problem.

The feeling made him completely forget about everything else. His wish, his dreams. He could only feel the wish for death, something he never felt before. Something that was so unlike him.

Shanks was a fighter. He had so many wishes and dreams, things he wanted to do and experience- he didn’t want his death to be like this, he didn’t want to die hated and unloved, without even getting to have his time to do something.

But in the face of pain, the face of death, he was getting exhausted. Dizzy, unable to hear- the sound of water persistent, unable to see- everything too blurry to make sense of. The easy way out seemed to near… In his reach.

Why try?

He could only think about the wound, unable to think of anything else, the answer to his question stuck somewhere far away in his brain.

So when all the self control, all the thoughts left him, he could only beg for death. He was in so much pain- Beg the people around him to kill him, release him. Loud enough for everyone to hear, surely. But maybe not, maybe he was just saying pure gibberish- hard to think, he was surprised he could even say one word. Though as much as it strained his throat, as much as the pain went straight to his wound, he could not stop- hoping to be understood.

Was this how his Blue felt when he asked to be understood?

Didn’t Spencer once told him about something called ‘Mercy kill’? Wouldn’t this count as one? He was dying- it was painful, couldn’t someone make it faster? It hurt, it hurt, it hurt so much.

The more he tried to shout and talk, the more he noticed his breathing was getting worse. It was already bad before, but now it was way harder- clearly talking had been a bad idea. His voice become nearly impossible to be heard. Breathing in hurt, and the air didn’t even reach him.

It was getting worse.

Everything was getting worse.

He started writhing, hoping it would stop it, but it only made it worse. Moving the foreign object around in his body, slashing at more parts of his insides, probably hitting an organ or two- he could swear he heard Crocus scream, but the noise was indistinguishable. There was people trying to restrain him, that he was sure of- for some reason he thought one of them might be Jadyn, but that didn’t make sense, did it?

Why didn’t they just let him die?

This was torture, mercy kill- mercy kill was what he craved.

The pain was more then just gut wrenching. He could only wince in pain, whimper and cry. He could not say another word, he already said much more than he should have. He couldn’t even let out another scream. It would be too much. He could feel more and more blood leaving his body, the edges of his vision going dark, the world around him almost invisible to him

As his vision darkened, it was like a black ring closing in, only leaving a slowly blurring small light spot in the middle. He now understood what old people meant with seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. The noises stopped- no water, no any other noise. Silence.

Suddenly he sees a flash of blue at the light.

Blue. His Blue. Buggy.

It seemed to wake him up again, the fog clearing away- as much as it’s possible, unable to think clearly from the pain still, he could only look at the boy, but it was all blurry; he couldn’t see him clearly, would it be better if he tried to get close to his Blue?

He wanted to see his best friend one more time, if he was already dying anyway.

He tried moving towards him, desperation at it’s finest, but that was not a good idea, as if any of his ideas in his life were any good either. His action pushing the knife that seemed to have loosened a bit inside of him once again, as if he was stabbed again.

He lost the count by now.

He collapsed, completely on the ground this time, after his feeble attempt of reaching his Blue. His hand not able to touch Buggy, useless.

The sudden fall didn’t help the matters, he now truly felt like he was blacking out.

If he closed his eyes now, he would be dead.

The pain would stop, everything would stop- mercy, finally.

But he can’t- he can’t die.

His eyes wide open, he could see Buggy- blurry, blurry but there.

He can’t die with Buggy hating him. Without making up for what he did.

He can’t die before even understanding his blue, he can’t

The words echoed in his head again. His blue, sounding so bitter ‘How can you expect us to be close when all you do is hurt me? You never understood me.’ He wanted Blue to love him when he died, not hate him. Shanks wanted understand him, make him feel happy- he didn’t want him to flinch away from Shanks. And he- he told Blue he wouldn’t die when it made him upset a few days ago. He wanted to make his Blue happy before he died, not leave him sad, leave him hating him… Shanks didn’t want that.

He couldn’t let that happen.

What he needed to do was fix it, not die.

So even with this feeling, this pain, the wish to just let it end he held on. For Blue.

Remembering how Buggy flinched when he got upset at him, flinched away, scared, scared of him. That feeling was far more painful then any stab wound.

He couldn’t let that stand.

Naivety or not, childish bravery would be what kept him alive.

He passed out, image of blue the last thing he sees.