Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sigma was curled up in a corner crying wrapped in god knows how many blankets. 

“Hey, Sig, what’s wrong?” 

The brunette with bandages glances over at his roommate. It was quite early in the morning, and the two of them were still in their pajamas. Dazai had been woken up by the sound of Sigmas crying, as well as the sudden drop in temperature after she had taken all the blankets off of the bed that the two of them shared. 

Sigma’s red eyes look up at her roommate who was now standing right over him. 

“It’s nothing. Just go back to bed.”  Sigma sighs, sniffling.

”You sure? This doesn’t look like nothing.” 

Sigma avoids the question, simply wrapping the blankets tighter and tighter around herself.

Dazai waves his hand in front of Sigma’s face.

”Hello, earth to Sig?”

Sigma sighs. She stares straight into Dazai’s eyes, asking him a question. Her words are filled with hurt.

”Do you think I look like a man?”

Without hesitation, Dazai responds. His voice sounds serious.

”Of course not. You’re the most beautiful woman i’ve ever laid eyes on, Sig.”

Dazai’s alarm clock goes off. It’s a voice recording of Kunikida yelling “Wake up, Dazai!” on repeat. 

Dazai stands up, turning his alarm off. He walks over to the closet, and pulls out a black vest like the one he wore normally, as well as a white collared dress and a petticoat, handing it to Sigma. 

“Here. I think you’d like these. I don’t need them anymore anyways.” 

Dazai then takes out a roll of bandages as well as his normal work clothes and goes into the bathroom to change. Sigma changes into the outfit that Dazai had handed her. 

When Dazai returns, Sigma questions Dazai about it.

”Why do you have these anyways? Do you have a sister or something?”

Dazai laughs. 

“Nope! They were mine.” 

“But you’re a-“

”a guy? Yeah. But who said that was always the case? Anyways, Sig, i’ll be on my way to my office now before Kunikida yells at me. See you later?”

Sigma was left speechless. How could Dazai just come out to him so casually? It took her forever to come up with something to say to him, and he just said it like it wasn’t a big deal!

”y-yeah..you do that.”

Chapter Text

“Sig! Help! The sink is on fire!” 

Dazai shouts across the agency to his girlfriend. Upon hearing the words ‘the sink is on fire,’ Sigma rushes to Dazai’s side. Just like he had said, the sink was in fact on fire.

”Wh- how did you even manage to do that?!” 

Sigma starts frantically looking around for the fire extinguisher, but she can’t find it anywhere. It’s no longer on the wall where it used to be.

“Dazai…do you know where the fire extinguisher is..?

Dazai looks around nervously. He turns to face Sigma, not looking her in the eyes.

”I burnt it.”

”You WHAT?!…Dazai…” 

Sigma groans, covering his face with his hands. 
“How…did you burn THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER?!” 

Dazai chuckles, seeming to have forgotten that the kitchen is currently burning. 

“So, y’know how we were assigned to help cook dinner for the Agency?”

Sigma nods. She looks back up at her boyfriend.

”Yeah…why?”

”So I decided to get a head start on it…but I ended up burning the food. So then I decided to throw the food in the sink, thinking I could put out the fire easily. But then the sink caught on fire. I didn’t know how to get the fire extinguisher to work, so then I threw it in the sink in hopes that it would start working by being thrown in the sink…y’know like whatever had to be hit to get it to work would be hit when it fell. But then the fire extinguisher just caught on fire.”

Sigma facepalms. She puts a hand on Dazai’s shoulder.

”Dazai…have you tried turning on the sink?”

Dazai blinks. His mind is blanking.

”Oh, yeah! Why didn’t i think of that?”

Sigma sighs. She walks over to the sink, cautiously turning on the sink, putting the fire out with the water.

”You’re lucky i love you, Dazai, because wow you really don’t think sometimes.” 

”Yeah, I am lucky, aren’t I? I mean, I have the best girlfriend in the world!” 

Sigma chuckles. She gives Dazai a kiss on the cheek, smiling at him when she pulls back.

”I really can’t stay mad at you, can I, Osamu?” 

Chapter Text

“Dazai! What’s taking you so long to pick out an outfit? You wear the same thing every day!” 

Sigma sighs. Her boyfriend was taking especially long to pick out an outfit for who knows why.

“Yeah, I know. It’s just I can’t find anything that’s fucking clean other than…”

Dazai trails off, going quiet.

”Other than what? Osamu, we don’t have all day! Kunikida’s going to get pissed if you show up late- well, later than usual.” 

Dazai doesn’t respond. He eventually gives in, walking out of the bathroom wearing an outfit that Sigma has never seen before. He was wearing a black suit jacket and slacks, a white collared shirt and a black tie. 

“Don’t stare.”

“Huh?”

”Don’t stare at me.”

”I’m not- Dazai, is something wrong?”

Sigma was concerned. Dazai seemed to be acting off today. Why was wearing a different outfit such a big deal to him?

”You wanna talk about it?”

”No.”

”Cmon, it can’t hurt! I’m worried for you, Daz.”

Dazai takes a deep breath.

”So, y'know how I was in jail with Dostoevsky?”

”Hm? Yeah, why?”

Dazai hangs his head, unable to maintain eye contact with his girlfriend.

”I was…- uhm, before I continue, promise not to hate me?”

”Osamu, I could never hate you.”

Sigma puts a hand on Dazai’s shoulder reassuringly.

”I was in the Port Mafia.”

”That’s it? That’s what you were worried about me finding out? Osamu, I was literally a part of a terrorist organization. You think I have a right to judge you for your past?”

Dazai chuckles, looking back into his girlfriend’s eyes.

“Ahah, you’re right. I really didn’t have anything to worry about, Sig. Thanks for not hating me, darling.”

Chapter Text

Dazai peeks his head around the corner to look at the bicolor-haired person that he calls his girlfriend. He twirls around before standing right in front of her, catching her a slightly off guard. 

“Hey, Sig! So, I was thinking-“ Before he can finish his sentence, Sigma cuts him off. He has his usual stupid grin on his face, like a child asking his mother if he can buy some toy he saw on TV. 

”Oh god, not again.” She exhales, knowing that whatever Dazai is up to can’t be good. Whenever he comes to her, he’s either messed up something, has some dumb idea that will usually end in one of them almost dying, or is asking her on a date. Sure, the last one is a good thing, but it’s usually one of the other two.

”What? I didn’t even say anything yet!” Dazai pouts. 

”You said you were thinking. Things never end well when you think.”

”You’re so mean! Anyways, I was thinking, since summer is almost over we should go to the beach!”

”The beach? You know that beaches have water, right? And the last time I was in the water I almost drowned! No thanks, Dazai. I’m not going.”

Dazai pauses. Sigma was right. The last time the two of them were in the water together they nearly drowned. No wonder she didn’t want to go to the beach with him. However, Dazai being Dazai, he was set on convincing her to go to the beach anyways. Things will be different this time. It’s just the beach, after all. There’s nobody plotting to kill the two of them like there was last time.

“Well, you’re not going to drown this time! I’ll make sure of it. Plus, there’s lifeguards! It’ll be fun, Sig! Trust me!” 

“You’re not going to take no for an answer now, will you, Osamu?”

”Aww, you know me so well! Nope!”

Sigma sighs, giving up. He knew it would be this way. In truth, Sigma’s never actually swam, other than…you know. How or when she learned how to swim, she had no clue. It’s just like how she somehow knew how to speak and walk from the second she was created. Thinking about it makes her head hurt. Her whole existence makes her head hurt. 

“Very well. I’ll change into a swimsuit then? I can see you’re already in yours…”

Sigma looks her boyfriend up and down. He’s wearing a black rashguard and swim trunks. He’s also carrying a bag containing two towels, sunscreen, goggles, and…a noose. Sigma yanks the noose out.

”Seriously?! ‘Samu, why would you need this at the beach?!”

”Uh…shark lassoing?” Dazai chuckles. Sigma slaps him across the face.

”Sometimes I don’t know if i’m supposed to be your girlfriend or your mom, damnit. You act like a child, honestly.”

Dazai rubs his face in pain. Sigma sure knows how to hit people.

”You’re so mean…” He mumbles as Sigma leaves the room. 

Sigma comes back a couple minutes later after having changed into her swimsuit, (which is actually just one of Dazai’s) ready to go to the beach. Does she want to go? Absolutely not. She’s terrified of the water. Maybe if it was before the incident she’d be fine, but not anymore. In fact, for a few weeks she couldn’t even shower because every time the water touched her skin she got reminded of how it felt to be entirely submerged, certain that she was about to die any second now. Washing her hands was a chore at that point. Sure, things have gotten better, but she had been avoiding swimming (or even going near pools or beaches) for a reason. 

But the way Dazai’s eyes lit up when she agreed made her feel like she couldn’t bear to say no to him.

“Finally, Sig, you’re out! I’ve been waiting forever! Let’s go!”

Sigma stared out at the vast ocean, the green-blue waters rising and falling, the waves like giant monsters that’ll swallow you whole if you let your guard down for just a second. There are families gathered together in little clusters, bobbing up and down with the waves.

Sigma frowns. She’s never had a family before. Sure, the Decay created him, but they were by no means his family. She wonders what it’s like to have a real family sometimes. 

There are teenagers hanging out with a friend or two; maybe even a lover if they got lucky. Some younger children are building sandcastles or chasing each other around on the beach. One group is digging a deep hole in the sand for seemingly no reason. A seagull picks up a mother’s sandwich and flies away with it. They’re having fun. Sigma seems to be the only person on the beach who’s dreading being here. It’s evident by the anxious expression on her face. 

Dazai’s face, on the other hand, was absolutely beaming with joy. He couldn’t wait to go in the water.

”Sig! Sig! Look at how high the waves are!”

Sigma chuckles anxiously.

”Hah…yeah…that’s really high….”

”Hey, what’s wrong?”

”Nothing…just a little scared i guess…”

Dazai places his hands on Sigma’s shoulders, looking him dead in the eyes.

”Listen to me. You’re gonna be fine, okay? There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Sigma smiles. 

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll be okay.”

She takes Dazai’s hands off her shoulders and holds them for a minute before giving Dazai a quick kiss on the cheek. 

“Thanks, Osamu.”

She walks away to find a good spot to set their stuff down, leaving Dazai standing there, blushing like a lovestruck idiot, mumbling to himself.

”What a woman…”

Sigma quickly realizes she left Dazai back there, so she rushes back to find him. When she finally finds her boyfriend, he’s still standing there in a daze. 

“OSAMU DAZAI!” She slaps the brunette across the face, bringing him back to reality.

”You’ve been standing there for FIVE MINUTES!”

Dazai winces. Sigma grabs his hand, dragging him over to an empty spot on the beach where they can set up.

”Ow…sorry. But did you really have to hit me again?”

“What else was I supposed to do, bring you back to your senses with the power of love or something?” 

“I’d prefer that honestly. You’re stronger than you think.”

Sigma chuckles.

”Whatever. If you can handle being shot in the head you can handle that.”

”You have a point.”

Just as Dazai’s about to run into the ocean, Sigma grabs him by the wrist, stopping him in his tracks.

”Sunscreen.”

She hands Dazai a bottle of sunscreen, looking at him expectantly.

”What’s the point? It’ll just come off in the water anyways!”

”The point is to not get sunburnt!”

”I don’t burn.”

Sigma rolls her eyes, staring at her boyfriend while he smirks like an idiot. 

“Whatever. Don’t complain when you get all bur-.”

He doesn’t even get to finish his sentence before Dazai runs into the water. 

“This man…I swear…”

”Hey, Sig, you gonna come into the water or not?” 

Sigma stares nervously at the ocean. He fidgets with his hands, jumping every time the water touches his feet. 

“Uh…yeah, just give me a moment.”

Sigma takes a step towards the water, watching the brunette move with the waves, going up and down, up and down, up and down. Suddenly, a huge wave starts approaching. Sigma’s eyes widen. Without thinking, she runs towards Dazai, grabbing his wrist to try to move him out of the way of the wave. She knows it won’t hurt him, but something inside of her is screaming that it will. Unfortunately for Sigma, her attempt to “save” Dazai fails completely. The wave is too wide for her to move in time, and both of them get submerged in the wave. Even though it’s only for about 3 seconds, the former casino owner freaks out. She starts hyperventilating, squeezing Dazai’s wrist tightly.

“Shh, Sig, it’s fine. You’re fine. It was just a wave.” Dazai tries to comfort her, pushing her purple and white hair out of her tear-stained face. She looks up at Dazai.

”I know but-“

”But nothing. We aren’t in danger anymore, Sig.” 

“But we-“

”-Didn’t drown. We were just under the wave for a couple seconds.”

”I guess you’re right. But what if-“

“A wave isn’t going to kill us, Sig.”

”It’s just scary!”

Dazai hugs Sigma, her face buried in his shoulder. He smells like saltwater.

”Sigma, I know i’ve said this before, but nothing bad is going to happen to you here. You’re safe with me. There’s nothing and no one here who wants to hurt you or is going to try to.” 

Sigma just stands there with Dazai for a few minutes in silence until she calms down. 

“I love you.”

”I love you too, Sig.”

Chapter Text

“Sig, your boyfriend sent you another gift.”

Sigma tries to push Dazai, who was shaking her awake, off of her. It doesn’t work. The brunette is stronger than Sigma thought. 

“Nikolai? He’s not my boyfriend…not really. And what’s the big deal? He does it all the time…” 

Sigma, who’s half asleep and doesn’t fully register what’s pecking at the back of her head, glares up at Dazai. 

“Ouch. What’s that for?! I’m already up, ‘Samu.” 

Dazai puts his hands up defensively, looking at the thing poking his girlfriend in the back of the head.

”Not me. The bird.”

”BIRD?!”

Sigma sits up, scaring the pale brown bird away to sit on her nightstand, it’s light red talons making scratches in the dark brown wood. 

“Goddamnit, I just bought that…” The bicolor haired person mumbles to herself. 

“Shoo!” She waves a hand at the bird, trying to get it to fly away. She knew what type of bird it was based off of the size, the light brown color, and the black spots on its wings. It was a mourning dove. She also knew these birds live in North America, so how the hell did that clown get his stupid gloved hands on one? 

“AAH! THE BIRD- SIG- OUCH- HELP!” Sigma was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice the dove pecking at his boyfriend’s face. 

“Oh- uhm, give me a moment.”

Sigma quickly grabbed the peanut jar on his nightstand, pouring a handful into his palm. Whistling to grab the bird’s attention, he held out his hand, the bird soon flying over to him and away from his boyfriend, whose face was all scratched up. One eye was bleeding.

”Dazai, go to Dr.Yosano. I’ll deal with the bird.” 

“Mhm. Yup. I…i’ll go do that.” Dazai walks out of the room, one hand over his bloodied eye.

Sigma stares at the bird, who nested on her bed after it’s snack.

”Now, what will I do with you?” 

As if on cue, Nikolai steps into the room through a portal he made with his ability, The Overcoat. Sigma yelps, and Gogol covers her mouth. He speaks in a quiet voice.

”You’re going to wake up the bird.”

Sigma pries the man’s hand off her face, speaking in a harsh whisper.

”Can you get this bird out of here?!”

The clown twirls around, smiling widely. He walks over to the bed, petting the dove with his pointer finger lightly. 

”Actually, that’s exactly why i’m here! You see, I was going to send you some of Dostoy’s homemade cookies, but my friend here wanted them, and while i was sending them to you, he took the cookies in his mouth and flew through the portal! Worst part is, he ate all of your cookies!”

He giggles, talking to the dove the way someone would talk to a dog or a baby.

”Isn’t that right, Sigma jr.? You ate all of Sigma’s cookies, didn’t you, you naughty little dove?” He cups the dove, Sigma jr., in his hands, giving it a kiss on the forehead as he brings it closer to his face. 

“You…named the dove Sigma jr.?”

”Well, after you left the Decay, we needed a Sigma, didn’t we?” He starts talking to the dove again.

”Didn’t we, Sigma jr.? Yes, Sigma left a vacant spot in our organization, didn’t she? Didn’t she, Sigma jr.?” He cooes.

The original Sigma clears her throat to grab Nikolai’s attention. 

“You have the bird. You can go home now.”

”Ah! You’re right, how observant! You see, I was going to go home, but since you told me to, i’ll be staying for awhile! I wouldn’t be doing something on my free will if you told me to now, would I?”

”Fine. Stay.”

”Actually nevermind, i’ll be going now. Byebye, Sigma!”

And with that, Nikolai teleported away. Sigma chuckles. After living with Nikolai for so long, he knew how to get him to do what he wanted. All he had to do was tell Nikolai to do the opposite of what he wanted him to do, and it’d work perfectly.

Dazai walks into the room a couple minutes ago, a bandage wrapped around his eye, and the other cuts on his face were cleaned, a couple of them bandaged.

”Yosano says i’ll be fine. My eye wasn’t injured that badly. Is the bird gone yet?”

”Yeah, Nikolai picked it up. He named it Sigma jr., isn’t that weird?”

Dazai giggles. “Sigma jr.? What an odd name for a bird!” 

Sigma stands up, giving Dazai a light kiss on the cheek.

”I’m glad you’re okay.”

”Yeah. Me too. Remind me to never get a pet bird. Ever.”

”Noted.”

Chapter Text

CRASHHH!

Reflective shards of what remained of Sigma’s mirror met newly bloodied hands, the crimson red liquid staining its surface as the moonlight shone off the sparkling pieces of metal, quickly being dotted with the salty tears of the man who broke it in the first place, painting some sort of cruel picture on the bedroom floor. The infinitely small pieces still managed to reflect back the body that Sigma despised. No matter how hard he tries, he cannot erase that disgusting reflection from his view. 

Sigma didn’t understand what was wrong with him. His body just seemed so…wrong. Everything about him seemed wrong. He’s already come to terms with his origins. He didn’t care about that. What he cared about is why he had to have the body of a man.

Sure, he wasn’t the most masculine person in the world, in fact he’s been mistaken for a woman quite a few times. When you work at a casino, you’ll have drunk men shouting weird things at you all the time. When it comes to sober people, they’ll usually correct themself almost immediately after. That strange euphoria quickly fades when someone says to him something along the lines of “oh, sorry sir! I mistook you for a woman.” 

But he can’t be a woman. No, that’s not possible, right? I mean, he was perfectly fine with being called “he.” 
But then..why does his heart flutter whenever someone mistakenly calls him stuff like ‘she,’ ‘pretty,’ ‘ma’am,’ or ‘miss.’

Why does he hate the way his body looks so much to the point that he punched his mirror until it broke so that he wouldn’t have to look at himself anymore?

He stares down at his bloodied hands. He had nice hands. They were very soft. He often received compliments on how nice they looked. However, there was something wrong with them. They looked so painfully masculine. His hands were shaking again. Sigma couldn’t bear to look at them. He knew he had to clean them up, but he couldn’t go to the bathroom. There were mirrors in there. So. Many. Mirrors. Besides, he couldn’t even look at his hands. He couldn’t look at himself at all. His thoughts were swirling around in his head, screaming at him that something was terribly wrong with him. Something about him was just so incredibly wrong and he couldn’t stand it. He had to be mentally ill or something, because no normal person would act like this. 

His hands grasped his legs tightly as the tears came down from his eyes like a waterfall, the blood pooling into the fabric of his pants. He knew he would have to wash them. Maybe cleaning would help him calm down. He stood up with shaking legs, stripping his clothes off of his disgusting body, leaving him in his boxers. This didn’t help at all. If anything, it made things worse. Because like this, he’s so obviously a man. Feeling nauseous, he quickly threw on a pair of pajamas and carried his dirty clothing to the  laundry room, only to be stopped by the strange man he shares this house with. 

”Dove?”

The jester’s voice was soft and sweet, as if Sigma was some sort of delicate piece of glass that could shatter if Gogol spoke too loudly. His voice had a sort of strange innocence to it, something normally absent from the white haired boy’s voice. Sigma quite liked the nickname his roommate had given him. It didn’t feel masculine at all. It was nice.

”Dove? Siggy? Sigma? Hello? Can you hear me? Are you okay?”

Sigma snapped out of his daze. 

“Oh, yeah, sorry, Gogol.”

Nikolai grabbed his bloodied hands, gasping dramatically.

”Siggy~! You’re all cut up! What happened?! Here, let me clean you up!”

Before he could protest, Sigma felt his roommate pulling him into the bathroom, mumbling something to himself in what the bicolor-haired man could only assume to be Ukrainian. 

The second he entered the bathroom, Sigma froze. That same horrible reflection met his eyes once again. Thoughts began to swarm his head again. They were deafening. Apparently Sigma started screaming, because a gloved hand covered his mouth, muffling his cries.

”Dove? What’s going on?”

Nikolai slowly lowered his hand from Sigma’s mouth, giving him the chance to speak.

”I- I don’t- I don’t- don’t even know. It’s just-“

Sigma sniffles, holding back tears. 

“My- I just hate how I look. I hate it so fucking much.”

The Ukrainian pouts, putting a hand on Sigma’s chest.

”Aww, Siggy, it’s okay. I think you’re veeerrryyy handso-“

For an instant, Sigma’s angry demeanor returns, and he slaps Nikolai’s hand away.

”Don’t fucking touch me. And don’t call me handsome.”

Nikolai’s confused. Normally Sigma’s fine with these kinds of things. He’s silent for a moment. Sigma’s gaze softens, and he sighs, cupping the jester’s cheek with one of his bandaged hands, thumb grazing over the scar that ran down his pale cheek. His roommate must’ve bandaged up his hands while he was having that screaming fit. How he managed to do it, Sigma had no clue. Nikolai was odd like that.

“Sorry, Gogol. I’m just- not doing too good.”

They sit in silence for a few moments, getting lost in each other’s eyes. The shorter man broke the silence.

”Nikolai- uhm- I know this is an…odd question but-“

Sigma takes a deep breath.

“Do you ever feel like your body is just…wrong?”

”What?”

”Like- it’s wrong.”

”Dove, could you please elaborate?”

”There has to be something terribly wrong with me, Gogol. Some sort of mental illness, I don’t know. But every time I look at my body- or- or if someone refers to me as a man I just feel like I’m going to puke!”

Sigma is hyperventilating. He says the word man in the way someone would refer to a dead insect on the floor. This isn’t the short-tempered professional Sigma that Gogol knew. This Sigma was just a helpless- boy??? girl??? - person who’s shattered into a billion pieces like the mirror they had broken, and needed someone to help them feel okay. 

“Hey, Dove? Have you ever thought that…maybe you aren’t a man?”

Sigma tilted his head, confused. How would he not be a man? He has a man’s body, a man’s voice, a man’s— everything. 

“Nikolai, are you fucking high?! Now’s not the time to crack jokes!”

Now it was Nikolai’s turn to be confused. He had a serious look on his face.

”Siggy, i’m not joking right now. Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of transgender people!”

”Huh..?”

”Transgender people? Y’know, people who don’t identify as their assigned sex at birth? I know you’ve only been around for three years, but jeez, Siggy, you’re quite oblivious aren’t you?”

Sigma looks like he’s about to cry. And this time, it’s not out of sadness. He grabs Nikolai by the shoulders eyes lighting up.

”I can do that?! So- you mean- I could- I could be a woman?! Really?!”

Nikolai chuckles, planting a kiss on his girlfriend’s lips, holding her in his arms.

“Of course, my Dove.”

Chapter Text

Hello! So, in case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t updated this in forever. You might be wondering why this is listed as the last chapter. Well, I’m unfortunately discontinuing this fanfic. 

I’m so happy for all the attention this fic has gotten, however I’m not really interested in Bungou Stray Dogs anymore. I’ve tried to continue writing this, but every chapter I try to write is just shitty, so I’m giving up. 

To all my Falsettos fans, look out for some fics 😈

Goodbye for now,

UltraDeduction.