Chapter Text
“You are Kira,” L had said that morning, his voice floating through the kitchen like a worn and weathered wind-chime.
Light turned to face him.
Perched on the coffee table, L licked his thumb. His fingers were coated with a layer of sticky red syrup from the candy-cane he had been nursing for breakfast.
His eyes didn’t meet Light’s.
Caught off guard, Light hissed a tight, panicked "Excuse me?” It was only two days since they had concluded the Yotsuba investigation— two days since Light had regained his memories. Two days since L could say that… and be correct.
And to Light’s knowledge, he hadn’t made a mistake in that time. “Ryuzaki, how could you even suggest that?” The tremor in his voice was real when he spoke. Something about the finality of L's tone had shaken him. “You saw the rules of the Death Note yourself— I clearly have an alibi. You know that, how could you…”
L’s eyes, cloudy and dull, finally drifted over to meet Light's. He sighed. There was no satisfaction in his demeanor. If anything, he looked downright despondent. “The rules are fake.”
Light didn’t speak.
“There is simply no scenario in which you are innocent, I’m afraid.” L chewed peppermint glaze from his thumb and his shoulders slumped.
Light absorbed him. Absorbed the way the circles under his eyes seemed to deepen when he stared down at the floor, at the way his shoulders appeared half their normal size when he cradled his knees like that. And for the life of him… he didn’t understand how L could say this while looking so…
Depressed.
Isn’t that what you wanted? For me to be Kira? Why do you sound so sure of yourself and so unhappy at the same time?
This conversation was routine for them. Light shouldn't have been surprised. And yet, the declaration had a different edge this time... it sounded... somehow absolute. Light glowered at L, unable to help the way his lips pinched into a tight little frown as he tried to decipher what exactly had changed.
L didn’t look up to read Light's expression. He seemed to know what he was thinking anyway. “If you’re wondering why I’m sharing this with you— and why I’m not particularly pleased… it’s because you’ve won. So, congratulations Light, Kira, I am admitting my defeat.”
Light shook his head slowly. “Ryuzaki... You aren’t making any sense, what are you talking about—“
“—You’ve won, because you made me realize something.” His eyes traced Light then, following the contours of his pants, his long sleeved shirt, before finally resting on the crown of his head. “I know that you are Kira. And I know that I cannot prove it.”
Breath escaped Light. His throat bobbed softly, and all he managed was a shallow, empty, “I’m not— What are you saying?” Even in his own ears, the words sounded cliche.
L swiped something from the corner of his lip. “Well— I’m saying a couple of things, I suppose. For starters, it was painfully arrogant of me to even attempt to approach this case through the conventional route… After all, even if we were able to get a confession— to prove that you believed you were Kira— or otherwise prove that you had used the notebook… well.”
L took a slow, long sip of his tea.
“A supernatural threat… is simply not compatible with the judicial systems we have in place. Honestly, I hadn’t wanted to confront the issue until we discovered the method by which Kira kills… But it's obvious now. Even if I were to arrest you and have you face trial— and even if I were able to get a guilty verdict… I can’t say I’m comfortable with the legal precedent that would set. After all, this case is one of a kind. It’s truly exceptional, and not something that a judiciary would ever be able to accommodate without leaving itself crippled. Can you imagine a future where virtually any prosecution could be built on the premise that the accused has supernatural powers? And that, as found in the Kira case, this possibility must be considered viable?” He shrugged, his tea threatening to spill as his hand dipped up with the gesture, before slipping back into the cup as a result of its criminally thick viscosity. “It just wouldn’t work. So, I give up.”
Light evaluated L carefully, his face falling into the meticulously blank mask he had become so accustomed to wearing.
“You will not stand before a court of law. You will not face a jury of your peers. And I will not have the satisfaction of beating you.” L stood slowly then, towering over Light as a result of his perch on the coffee table. “I will simply deal with you myself. Kira.”
The threat had barely washed over Light when L lunged for him.
There was an arm around his throat. Legs around his waist.
And then he stopped breathing, and the world went black.
That was all that Light could remember when he awoke. A hot flash of pain seared through his head as consciousness hit him, making him feel as if his brain had been littered with sewing needles.
He blinked, bleary-eyed, as he slowly grew to recognize the thump-thump-thump of helicopter blades, further punishing his migraine.
His mouth was dry. His arms were bound. And he had no idea how long he had been unconscious.
Light’s head lolled back on his shoulders so he could look behind him, and his eyes landed on Ryuzaki— on L.
His skin cooled and his blood burned with rage.
Briefly, Light reflected on his relationship with Ryuzaki. He remembered how it had felt to be tethered to him for all those weeks. What it had been like to work with him, to eat with him, and to wait outside the shower, chain trailing under the curtain, after he had finally convinced him to bathe.
He thought back to every time he had seen L vulnerable. All of the times he had envisioned slinking the chain around his neck and pulling and pulling and pulling until that pale face turned blue and those gray eyes went bloodshot.
He looked at L. And he loathed every missed opportunity.
I should have just killed you with my own bare hands.
Light didn’t speak, knowing that his parched voice wouldn’t reach above the battering noise of the helicopter. But L seemed to sense his gaze.
He turned to face him, expression blank.
And then he smiled.
Light screamed.
Ryuk had perched on the edge of the helicopter with his back to the open door for the rest of the flight.
Light was turned away from him, simply curled in on himself like a wounded child. But, even though he wasn’t looking at Ryuk, he could still feel that stupid fucking smile when he laughed.
They had been in the air for hours, and for what felt like the last two, the sky had been painted sunset yellow. Light suspected that wherever they were flying, they were chasing the sun westward. He didn’t have a good vantage point to examine the ground below them, but when he managed to catch a glimpse of the horizon, he saw trees rather than ocean, which meant they were likely headed across China or Eastern Europe.
Distantly, he recalled that L was from England.
Light’s clothes had been changed at some point during his sleep.
His watch had been removed.
His piece of the death note had been removed.
He hadn’t been so helpless since he was an infant.
“Hey, Light,” Ryuk laughed.
Light was not in the mood. He shuffled a few inches away.
“What do you think he’s gonna do with you when you reach your destination?”
“I don’t know, Ryuk,” Light hissed, his voice swallowed by the helicopter’s relentless thump thump thump.
Ryuk seemed to hear him regardless, because he chuckled. “This really is getting interesting...”
Light was sure he’d never been the recipient of such callousness.
By the time the helicopter finally began its descent, Light felt as if his head had been crushed five times over.
He stared at the slate-black ceiling and considered rolling out the door and to his death. It would certainly be better to have his life claimed by a simple, painless drop than whatever L had planned for him.
He rocked back and forth.
And found he didn’t have the strength.
I’m too helpless to even die.
A laugh slipped from his lips slowly. And once it started, it did not stop. He laughed and laughed until his eyes went blurry from tears and his throat burned.
The helicopter landed.
L unfolded himself from the corner, and then approached Light for the first time since he’d woken up.
Light glared at him, eyes furious.
The second you free me, I am going to kill you.
Because what else could he do?
He was helpless. And the game was over.
I will take you down with me.
L paused to examine Light’s expression, and Light was sure he received the sentiment. Light had never before felt so… defeated. In that moment, he truly was no more than a cornered animal.
Though Light didn’t have a perfectly lucid view of L’s mind, he knew him well enough to know that he would never do something like this if he had any intention of relenting.
Light was Kira.
L knew.
And L was no longer interested in entertaining Light’s chicanery.
L was wary, almost timid as he lifted Light from the ground. The helicopter pilots soon accompanied him, and Light was promptly blindfolded and escorted onto the landing pad. They loaded him into the back of a vehicle— probably a van— and buckled him in snugly.
Light could tell that L was in the spot next to him by the way the seat indented, pulling towards the balls of L’s feet, rather than being distributed evenly as it would have been by a person sitting on their thighs.
Even in the car, L was squatting like a frog.
Light couldn’t explain the emotion he experienced at the revelation.
The image of an accident, L’s folded up body being launched through the windshield and mangled on the hood of the van clouded his mind for a long moment.
And something about it bothered him.
Before he could bite his tongue, he hissed a sigh. “Sit normally.”
L was quiet for a beat, and Light could feel those dark, inky eyes on him. “Is Light Yagami concerned for my safety?”
Light’s teeth grit and he refused to acknowledge the question.
But then the seat bounced, and he heard those legs unfold. “I don’t understand how this feels natural to you,” L murmured as he settled. “Would you like me to wear a seatbelt too, Kira?” The mockery in his voice was barefaced.
Light tried his best to turn away from him. But when he heard a seatbelt click into place, he was utterly baffled to find he was… relieved.
“I must apologize for divesting your personal belongings,” L said, steering Light by the shoulders along some kind of dirt path. “I’m afraid you’re simply too clever to be allowed such things.”
Light didn’t speak. He needed that watch back. He needed to kill L, and he needed that watch back.
“Perhaps this was all rather sudden of me— no, it was cruel to do this to you so abruptly. I really had been driven to a panic, you see. The others intended to exculpate you, and I think we’re both well aware of why that wasn’t an acceptable outcome…”
“Why are you talking to me?” Light spat.
L paused. “… Would you prefer I didn’t?”
Light doubled over as much as his restraints allowed, heaving out an empty, angry laugh. “Why are you talking like we’re friends?”
L, yet again, was silent.
Light got the feeling he was surprised by that.
“I see.” L was quiet for the remainder of the walk, simply directing Light forward.
And then, eventually, they stopped in front of a building. Light could sense it from the way they were shielded from the wind.
“Tell me, Light. Do you have ill intent towards me still?” L asked then.
The question was ridiculous.
“You just kidnapped me,” Light said as plainly as he could. I’d like to rip your eyes from your skull.
“Mm, I suppose that’s to be expected.” L responded, and Light heard the rustling of keys and a door being opened. “It isn’t mutual.”
Light didn’t know what he meant by that.
L took his hand and guided him into the building anyway.
It was only after Light had been forced to shuffle up a flight of stairs, tugged into a room, then sat on a bed, that L removed his blindfold.
He had to squint as his vision was flooded with lamp light.
L stared at him expectantly, and appeared to have little intention of leaving him to his misery in private.
“Where am I?” Light whispered, refusing to look L in the eye.
“My home,” L answered, his voice soft. It had a wistful undertone to it. Light got the feeling L hadn’t actually been to this place in a very long time.
Light's eyes flicked to the wooden floorboards. “Does my father know about this?”
“No, he does not.”
Light’s throat tightened, another surge of anger and betrayal coursing through him like fire. “You can’t do this to me.”
“I can… I did. I will.” L’s expression gave little away. When did it ever, he was the most impassive person Light had ever met. But though his lips were relaxed and unreadable, his eyelashes dipped forward, casting a soft shadow over his face.
He almost looked remorseful.
Almost.
“I understand why you’re angry with me,” L murmured.
“Oh, really—”
“—I broke the rules.” Now, he did look guilty. His thumb pressed to his lips, and his feet rubbed together anxiously. “I was supposed to catch you fair and square… If I were to take this approach, simply shipping you off by my own authority, I should have done it from the beginning. I lead you to believe that, so long as I could not prove your guilt, or earn the approval of the police, then you would win.”
Light’s jaw set.
“I broke the rules. And for that, I am sorry.”
“I’m not angry over some game— I’m angry because I’m not Kira!” Light tried.
L sighed, and Light was sure he’d never heard him so exhausted. “Please give it up. You have nothing to gain by prolonging this guileless farce. I have never believed it, and I won’t now.”
Light couldn’t think of a worthwhile retort. So, he just muttered a quiet, bitter, “You’re no better.”
“Hmm?”
“Than Kira. You’re no better than he is— I thought the entire reason you were trying to catch him was because you thought it was immoral to act above the law! And now, here you are, thinking you know everything and that you don’t need oversight, like you aren’t just some lunatic!”
Light expected the tirade to rattle L— or at least elicit a frown.
It didn’t.
Instead, L just smiled. It was the face of a person who had already had this conversation, most likely with himself. "I know,” he murmured, voice gentle.
“And that doesn’t bother you? You hypocrite!”
L’s shoulders relaxed, and he allowed his head to dip back as he stared at the ceiling. “It doesn’t. Because you’re right— I’m arrogant. I’m selfish. And as of late, I’ve elected to accept that.” He shrugged, his smile calm, almost blissful. “… Do you want to know why?”
Light already knew.
“Because you are Kira. And the truth is, my friend… a humble man could not have stopped you.”
Light had to clutch his pants to keep his hands from trembling with frustration. “I’m not Kira.”
“You are.”
“I’m not.”
L smiled. “Well, that is very unfortunate. Because you aren’t going anywhere. And I think you will find that Kira would be quite at home here.”
Light didn’t know what he meant by that.
L removed Light’s ropes anyway. He chained his wrist to the bedpost. And, just before turning off the lights and closing the door, he had the impenitence to whisper “Good night. Kira.”