Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Where is Skull?” Talbot asked as he looked over the cursed infants. They could practically feel his eyes skipping from one to another as if expecting to find the one he was looking for and Reborn snorted.

“Don’t know why you're interested in the Civilian but he’s the one in purple.” He told the man with a smirk on his lips and Talbot turned his head as if to study the purple man who looked back with his head tilted to the side.

“That.” Talbot said with a hint of ice in his voice and the rest were gearing up to protect the idiot from the old man. Regardless of how much they couldn’t stand him he was still an Arcobaleno. “Is not Skull De Mort.”

“I know he doesn’t live up to the hype but…” Lal began with a scowl but was interrupted.

“Skull De Mort, he who is hated by death. The Fearless Stuntman. I know his tales better than you and that is not him.” He snapped as his head whipped around as if he were looking at Checkerface. “Where is he?” He thundered in rage.

“I am Skull De Mort!” Skull shouted with a glare as he snarled at the old man.

“If you have hurt so much as a hair on that boy’s head, I will make it my life’s mission to run you into he ground.” Talbot snarled, ignoring Skull.

“Your so sure I’m not me.” Skull snapped. “But I’ve never met you! So, you can’t go around claiming I’m not me!”

They could feel the cold fury and rage coming from the old man. “Never met?” He practically sneered the words and gone was the friendly persona. “No, I have never met you. I have, on the other hand, met Skull De Mort. I was the one who sent him to the Circus after he singlehandedly ended a war. I was the one to give him his first motorcycle. I was the one he turned to when he found himself betrayed by his friends and those he had trusted. You are not Skull De Mort. Now tell me Kawahira, where is the real Cloud! I can see this cheap imitation of my friend bears markings of the curse. The infantile body, but unlike the others his pacifier is not draining his Flames. No doubt they are draining the real Skull’s.”

The Arcobaleno’s turned their heads towards Skull, or the man they had believed to be Skull whose hands were shaking in fear. “Skull De Mort refused to come to the meeting.” Checkerface said after a moment, his eyes locked onto the old man. “His cousin, however, offered to go in his stead. His Flames are no match for the real Skull’s, but he wanted a fast way to fame. I offered it to him, but his Flames were too weak to withstand the curse. I was forced to hunt down the man and barely survived our meeting. Last I heard he was in Tibet. Other than cursing him I did nothing to him.” Checkerface revealed.

“You want to survive the curse.” Talbot said after a moment, “then I need the real Skull De Mort. You will find him and bring him back here but make no mistake. Should he die then I will not help any of you.”  His head turned and although none present could see the old man’s eyes behind the dark covering it was obvious, he was looking at the Skull who wasn’t Skull.

“As for you, Skull De Mort only had one cousin. A mean, cruel piece of vermin. I heard all about his childhood. The cupboard under the stairs that he slept in until he was eleven. The starvation. The beatings. The broken bones and concussions. The way you ran off anyone who wanted to be his friend. The bully of a cousin who hunted for those weaker than himself and would beat them into a pulp. The way you blamed him for anything you did and would laugh as he was beaten unconscious. A blubbering little coward who thought himself tough. Eating everything in sight to make sure there was nothing for him to eat. Oh, yes boy. I know all about the mean piece of vermin you were. I also know you called him up to ‘mend fences.’ We talked not long before the lot of you were cursed. He had agreed for you to visit but didn’t believe you had changed, no matter what you said. Still, the kind soul he was he wanted to give you a chance. Now look at what it got him. You, sitting here playing up to the fame he worked to earn. Stilling the name, he chose for himself. If anything has happened to him, I will tear you apart and feed you to the wolves. Get him out of my sight and do not return until you have the true Cloud with you.” With that Talbot turned to walk away.

“La…. Just who the fuck are you?” Reborn snapped as he rounded on the Cloud. Unable to bring himself to call the imposter his Lackey. The imposter gulped and stepped back his eyes wide as he looked around at everyone who were all turned to face him. Anger etched into their faces.

“I….” He began as a lump formed in his throat, and he swallowed. “Does it matter Sempai? We’ve been together for decades. You’re not going to choose some freak over me! He wasn’t here to run your errands. I was! I earned my spot as an Arcobaleno. All he did was run away! You should be glad you have me instead of him! He wouldn’t have done anything you wanted him to! So, what if my Flames aren’t a match to his! I was here with you while he was off doing whatever freaks like him do! You think he would have learned how to make you an espresso? He would have laughed in your face! He wouldn’t have paid to go out to eat! He would have demanded you all learn how to cook! He wouldn’t have cared if you threatened him! He would have told you to either shoot him and be done with it or do it yourself! You need me! Not him! You need someone like me! Able to show the World how we shine! That we’re the most powerful people there is! You need me! He screamed in anger. His fists baled into fists and his breathing hard as he panted with the exertion.

“Who cares if I am not the actual Skull De Mort? I was there when he wasn’t! It was me who…” He wasn’t allowed to finish as he slumped over. Verde held up a syringe as he sneered down at the useless lump on the ground. His eyes looked at the Mist who was rigid with absolute fury and then towards his Sun whose eyes were blazing.

“See if Xanxus won’t keep this idiot out of commission while we hunt down the real Skull.” Reborn’s voice with etched with his own fury as he looked at Viper who nodded as they called the Varia Sky.

“You can use the Vongola jet.” Tsuna said and Reborn turned, having forgotten his student was there. The young Don twisted his hands in apparent agitation, and he nodded his thanks.

“I want to be out of here by tomorrow. Let’s go home and start the preparations. The sooner we find the real Skull De Mort the sooner we can break the curse.”

Chapter Text

Viper was upset because their tracking, that had never failed them before, had failed them. They could not get a lock on the real Skull De Mort. A hiss of fury left their lips as they sat in the small hotel in Tibet, at the base of the Mountain.

“We could ask some of the locals Kora.” Colonnello chimed in from where he saw with a scowl on his lips as he looked around the small room, they were all sharing. If they had been in their adult bodies, he was sure, the room would have exploded. As it was, he wasn’t at all sure the room was going to survive the wrath of the Arcobaleno’s. They were still reeling from the sheer treachery of… whoever the fuck that purple idiot really was. They still didn’t have a name to go with the idiot. Hopefully when they found the real Skull, he would be willing to shine some light on it all.

“Hear me out!” He said before they could blast his idea to shreds. “We tell them Viper is looking for their little brother. We can spin a story of their parents abandoning them when they found out that their kids suffered from the same mutation that keeps them small. It would explain why we have no idea what he looks like, but there can’t be too many people who are like us in appearance. We can say that we met Viper at some kind of self help place for those afflicted with our disease and we agreed to help them find him.”

“That isn’t a bad idea.” Reborn grunted after a moment. “We can keep it ambiguous. A slow knowing grin slid up his face. He hadn’t missed just what Talbot had said. A man who singlehandedly won a war was a man Reborn would not mind meeting. In fact, he would insist upon the introduction. His eyes slid over to his Storm who looked up form where he was meditating against the far wall. A knowing grin matched his own.

Whether or not this Cloud lived up to the hype was yet to be seen but they were both interested in finding out. They watched as the others began hashing out the details and the next day, they took off to try and find their missing Cloud.

It wasn’t long before they happened upon a man who tilted his head and furrowed his brow at their inquiry. “You are looking for Theseus.” The man nodded after a moment. “Although he may have changed his name again.” The man let out a sigh as if frustrated.

“Something he does often Kora?” Colonnello inquired.

“Often enough. He changes names more often than not. When he gets it in his head that too many people are calling on him, he changes it; and we go through this several times a year. Usually when the weird man who wears an iron hat shows up. The iron hat man usually comes with a woman. This newest girl is pretty, young. With a mark under her eyes. If you had come with her Theseus would no doubt, be halfway up the mountain by now.” The man smiled a fond smile as he shook his head. “Theseus has punched the iron hat man through a wall several times. Now the man only comes by to ask about him, but never to see him.”

“Do you know where we can find him?” Fon inquired with a polite smile on his lips.

“This time of year?” The man seemed to think about it for a moment. “He will either be up in a tree or getting ready to climb the Mountain. He is not one who you find. Should he wish to see you he will find you. By now he will know there is a group claiming family bonds to him. If he desires to see you, he will come to you.” The man said as he bowed and walked away.

“So, we wait?” Lal asked with a scowl on her face. They all shared a look, unhappy with the thought of waiting.

“Why would he be in a tree Kora?” Colonnello inquired after a moment.

“The question is not why would he be in a tree. The question is why are you not in one.” A musical soft voice called from up above them as a small male skated down the branches as if he did it all the time before flipping to land on the ground in front of them.

The male was small with ombre colored hair. It went from a soft purple to a midnight black. His eyes were like two beautiful cut emeralds surrounded by a lovely amethyst. They could feel his Cloud Flames. Soothing and wild all at the same time. “I’m Thebes.”

“I thought you were Theseus Kora?” Colonnello blinked at the male who tilted his head, and a chaotic smile was on his lips.

“I was Theseus. I am Thebes. Please keep up with the times.”

“Are you in the habit of changing your name often?” Fon inquired as his male Rain spluttered incoherently.

“You mean you don’t?” The man who was most definitely their Cloud asked with an innocent look. “Doesn’t it get boring to go by the same name all of the time?”

“Mu, doesn’t it get confusing if you change your name so often?” Viper demanded with a look of interest.

“Not for me.” The man smiled devilishly.

“I’m Reborn, this is Fon, Colonnello, Lal Mirch, Viper, and Verde.”

“I would say it’s a pleasure to meet you, but seeing how you have come looking for me I’m not sure how true that will be. So instead, I’m going to ask what brings you to my little part of the world?”

“Do you know a man called Talbot?” Verde asked with narrowed eyes and those jewel-like eyes turned to him.

“Talbot? I know a few Talbots. Common name that.” The little Cloud said with an easy smile.

“Our Talbot found a way to break the curse, but it requires us to all be present. In fact, he rather insisted you were there.” Reborn said with a hint of amusement. He could see his Cloud being a good source of confusion and chaos. A far better fit than the Cloud they had been stuck with.

“Our? You’re a kinky one, aren’t you?” The Cloud asked with a straight face, but his eyes sparkled with his own amusement.

“Maybe when we’re no longer children I’ll let you find out.” The Sun purred the words.

“Alright mister kinky. I’ll bite. You’re here because Talbot found a way to break the curse. I would like to be in my adult body. It may not be much to look at, but I miss being a bit taller. So, I’ll come with you. However, you should know that if this is a trap, I will have no issue sending you out of a plane without a parachute.”

“Somehow.” Fon said with amusement, tinging his own voice. “I am going to find it hard to believe that you are ‘nothing to look at’.”

Chapter Text

It turned out their Cloud didn’t have much in the way of personal items. Just the clothes on his back and an extra pair in a bag he hid in whatever tree he decided made a good place to sleep. All of the Arcobaleno’s shared a look at that odd habit.

“Don’t you have a house, Kora?” Colonnello asked as he looked at the strange Cloud who grinned and he just knew this Cloud was going to be far more interesting than the imposter. It was only a matter of whether it was a good or bad thing.

“I live wherever I want to. Why would I restrict myself to a house?” He asked with a shrug of his shoulders. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

Reborn eyed the smaller male for a moment before taking out his phone and ordering the jet readied. “Come on then, we’ll be ready for takeoff by midmorning tomorrow. Better head out and get our things.” None of the Arcobaleno’s were sure if they should be surprised or not when the townspeople came to bid the Cloud a farewell. It was a large contrast to the Imposter. It was obvious that these people adored the Cloud where the one they had known for decades had been barely tolerated.

“It’s always bittersweet to say goodbye.” The man whom they had asked about Skull said with a hand on the small toddler sized man’s head. “It is important to remember where you are from and where you have been. Yours is a spirit that will always be one with ours.”

“You still speak more words then necessary when a simple goodbye would suffice.” Their Cloud laughed and the man gave a playful scowl. “I’ll see you around.”

“Very well my friend. I shall see you.” The old man nodded, and their Cloud shook his head with a small grin on his lips.

“If we're ready?” He asked and the others nodded as they led him away from the place, he had called home.

*

Three days later they were once more gathered. Xanxus had a firm grip on the imposter as Talbot showed up. Reborn watched the kids curious look towards the smaller male whose eyes were locked on the Imposter.

“Skull De Mort. The immortal Stuntman. War leader and hero. It has been too long, my friend.” Talbot said as he pulled the small Cloud into a bone crushing hug while the Cloud gently patted his back.

“Ignotus. It’s been a while.” Their Cloud greeted with a smile. “Although it has been a bit since I have gone by the name Skull De Mort.” His voice was filled with amusement and fondness. “Last I heard my cousin had decided to take that name for his own.”

“Bet you enjoyed that thought.” Talbot murmured as he pulled away and a chaotic grin lit the Clouds face.

“It took me a while to appreciate the irony. I didn’t particularly like the fact that he stole all of the work I put in to become a great stuntman, but I could forgive it if only for the fact that he took the name I used to Mock the bastard. A muggle going around with that name. How ironic.”

“You always did enjoy mocking those you found beneath you.” The old man laughed sounding joyous.

“And you don’t Mister ‘I have gone by so many names that I don’t even know what my name is anymore’? You know what they say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” The Cloud asked with a smirk twisting his lips while everyone else stood watching the two as if they were an interesting species.

“Very well. I see you win this round. It is always a joy to play with one who can keep up.” The old man chuckled. “But I do not think your companions have gathered to hear us banter child.”

“They said something about a system that will bring us back into our normal form?” The Cloud asked and Talbot nodded.

“I have been working on the system for a long while and I have found a way that will no longer require a human sacrifice.”

“Then let's hear it old man. I have people to do and things to see.”

“I think you mean, people to see and things to do?” Tsuna piped up with an uncertain look at the baby Cloud who turned to look at him with a mischievous grin.

“Do I?” He asked, making the Sky blush and stutter.

Chapter Text

All in all, it didn’t take that long to break the curse, but they remained in their child-like bodies. Verde had then ordered them back to the mansion before turning and looking at the little coward that was being held in the vicious hold of the Varia Sky. “Is there anything in particular you want done with the imposter?” He asked, turning to the Cloud that should have been his.

“Dudley?” The Cloud questioned with a tilt of his head. “Not really.” The Cloud shrugged as he eyed the blubbering man.

“You don’t even sound like you hate him, Kora. Even though he stole your identity!” Colonnello found himself saying getting an amused look from the Cloud.

“I don’t hate him. He didn’t steal my identity. He stole a name. One I created to mock someone else. His floundering around and kowtowing to others was just icing on the cake as far as I am concerned. I don’t love him either. I am completely indifferent as far as he’s concerned. Whatever bridges we may have been able to mend were set on fire and the ashes stomped on and then set on fire again before being spread. You, on the other hand, are the ones he spent years lying to. Whatever you decided to do won’t really affect me.” Everyone present studied the odd Cloud for a moment but there was nothing in his eyes that said he was lying.

“You don’t mean that! We’re family!” The imposter screamed and the Cloud looked at him and tilted his head.

“Family? I’ve had years to think over what that word means. You know what I discovered?” He asked but didn’t wait for a response. “We are blood related. That doesn’t make us family. I told you, did I not that you should be careful of the bed you make because one day you will have to lie in it.” He paused for a moment. “You do know that those who betrayed and lied to me for seven years I killed, don’t you? They knew what I was capable of but chose to continue down their chosen path. You had decades to change course, I can’t really hold it against them if they choose to do what I chose to do.” He looked completely unbothered as he turned to Reborn.

“I want ice. It’s been a bit since I was last in Italy, and I would kill for a lemon ice.”

“Lemon?” Reborn asked with a dark laugh as he led the way away from the others. His eyes meeting Fon’s with a silent order and the Storm nodded in understanding.

“Bitter and cold. Just like my heart.” The Cloud said with a nod and a grin.

*

The first morning of their new cohabitation proved to be rather interesting as far as Fon was concerned. He had walked into the normally quiet Dojo to find the Cloud practicing several Katas. His form was excellent and his balance as he moved was one that most people never fully succeeded. He watched from the doorway as the man moved as if he were dancing. He found himself wondering just how the man would look when he was back in his original body, and a part of him despised the male who had stolen his spot.

The Skull De Mort he had known for decades was nothing compared to the man in front of him. He was loud, obnoxious and a braggart with a mean streak that the rest of them had strove to keep under wraps. They had noticed he had a pension for targeting those he thought weaker than himself.

He was a coward, unwilling to face anyone stronger than himself and obeying every order with a slimy smile on his face.

This Cloud… there true Cloud? He didn’t have any problem threatening them. He didn’t care that they were strong and didn’t look as if he were out to prove himself the way the Imposter had. He had a way about him that was unafraid, and he knew these forms would have taken dedication to learn. Something the Imposter had never had. Oh yes, he found the man utterly enchanting, and he knew he wasn’t the only one. One look at Reborn had showed his Sun was just as interested in this man as he was.

“Are you going to stand and stare all day?” The musical voice called, and Fon raised an eyebrow when he noticed the man was moving in a way he had never seen before. He, who had mastered over a hundred forms of Martial Arts and this man had seemed to have mastered one that he had never seen before.

“Where did you learn it?” He found himself inquiring as he leaned against the doorframe.

“Learn what?” He asked and Fon could swear the man was teasing him. Something no one else ever did. “Learn how to stand on my head? Most people learn that early on. I could teach you if you really want me to.” He almost sounded put out as he made the offer.

“The Kata you're doing. I have never seen it before.” He admitted and the man snorted.

“You wouldn’t have.” There was no mocking or condescension in his tone. Only a pure undeniable belief that there was no way he would have known it. “I had a friend some years back whose family escaped Li Zicheng. They passed the ancient knowledge of the Warrior Monks down and he taught it to me. He was convinced I saved his life.” The Cloud said, not even sounding as if he was exerting himself while he moved.

“Did you?” Fon found himself asking.

“Did I what? You’re going to have to be more specific than that. Did I paint my nails green and silver to win a bet? Sure did. Did I break into a man’s home who wanted me dead and sprinkle glitter all over his things while he was out trying to hunt me? Yep! Don’t know how you heard of that one though!” The Cloud said with amusement and Fon almost found himself laughing.

“Did you save him?” He corrected getting a hum from the man.

“That is up for debate. He thinks I did. I’m pretty sure he was board and wanted to travel with me because I had a habit of lighting things up.” There was a minimal pause, and one wouldn’t even have noticed it, but Fon was not just anyone. “Fire is always lovely after all.”

“You are a riddle. No?” He more said than asked.

“Why would I want to be Riddle? Most enjoyable day of my life was putting an end to Riddle.”

Chapter Text

The Arcobaleno’s would be lying if they said they weren’t interested in the small Cloud that was supposed to be theirs. He had a way with words when he wanted to that would leave you completely unsure of the answer, much less the actual question. He also didn’t take anyone’s shit. The one time, about a month into their cohabitation, Reborn decided to test the waters and ordered him to make an espresso he got a cup that looked and smelled perfect while the smaller male looked at him almost daringly from under lashes. He took a sip and spat it out while the Cloud looked completely unfazed as he rushed to try and wash the taste of dirty socks out of his mouth.

“Either shoot me, or don’t shoot me. There’s no need to try and warn me.” The Cloud said with a shrug of his shoulders as he turned and walked away with a happy hum. Reborn would admit to being star struck. Never in all of his years had anyone done that to him. Most people complied with his demands. Afraid of what he could and would do. This Cloud however, he didn’t kowtow to him. Didn’t seek favors or grumble. Instead, he made it plain as day that if Reborn tried to order him around he would regret it.

“I can practically see the hearts in your eyes Kora.” Colonnello said once he got himself under control from where he had fallen out of his chair with laughter.

“He is rather interesting.” Fon said from the doorway. His sleeve raised to hide his own wild grin.

“The more I see, the more I hate that fucking imposter.” Reborn grunted after a moment. His eyes still on the doorway the Cloud had vanished from.

“You are not the only one.” Fon acknowledged with a tilt to his head. His own eyes going towards the door the Cloud had left through. “Did you know he mastered a form of Martial Art’s I have never even glimpsed at? It was rather beautiful to watch him move.”

“Kora, that little thing said he wanted to see Lal and I use our guns. I thought we were going to enjoy showing off, so we took him out to the range and fired a few shots off. I kid you not he asked if he could do it. Wanted to know if he was holding the gun right. Said he had never fired one before so Lal and I said we could teach him. He hummed and turned around and fired over his shoulder. Hit the target dead on every fucking shot! Every one! Dead center of the fucking forehead! He then turned back around with this large grin and said ‘What can I say? I’m good with my hands’.”

Both Reborn and Fon couldn’t help but to chuckle at that. “He’s a fucking spitfire Kora.” Colonnello moaned as he thunked his head onto the table.  A soft laugh leaving his own lips.

“If he’s this interesting now, just imagine at how it’s going to be when were all back to our adult bodies.” Reborn purred as he looked at the other two men and Colonnello raised his head long enough to give the Sun the middle finger.

“Viper has ordered that they want some food from the new restaurant that took up residence in town.” Fon ventured after a while. “I came to see what you would like from their menu.”

“Hey Thebes! Kora! Colonnello called out with a wolfish grin as he sat up looking like a kid. They were all a little interested in what the Cloud would want. After all, any new information was information that coveted. When he didn’t come in, they went looking for him to find him meditating in the Dojo. “Thebes Kora!” Colonnello called as the smaller male lifted an eyebrow.

“Thebes? You really can’t keep up, can you?” The male asked with a smile that spoke of trouble. “I’ve been going by Lucas for a few days already.” He closed his eyes.

“Err… Lucas. Right?” Colonnello wore a confused look as he looked at the other two who shrugged. None of them had realized he had changed his name. “Viper wants some food from that new restaurant in town. They are supposed to have a mix of Italian and….” He was cut off as those eyes shot open.

“Restaurant? Are you al trying to get yourselves killed? If you were that interested in dying, I would be more than happy to poison you, no need to waste gas.”

“You don’t eat out?” Fon inquired when it looked like Colonnello was at a loss for words.

“Nope. How are you supposed to know what they put in your food? I prefer to make my own thanks.” The Cloud said wit a hint of a smirk on his lips.

“There is two problems Kora. One, we need to go shopping and two, we all specialize in a dish or two, but it gets boring after a while. Having something new every once in a while, is nice.”

“Except Verde who isn’t allowed in the kitchen after his last disastrous attempt and the L…. the Imposter preferred to just pay to get everyone food rather than cooking.” Reborn said with a shrug.

A snort left the Clouds lips as he looked at them with amusement dancing in his orbs. “Luckily for you all then I am not a one trick pony. So, here is what is going to happen. We’re going to go to the nearest store. You may all purchase whatever you want to be made for the week and I will cook it.”

“What’s the catch Kora?” Colonnello asked as that smile turned almost predatory.

“Whoever’s meal is being cooked will be my assistant. By the time I’m done with all of you, you will know how to make more than a few dishes and I am not paying for anything. If I’m cooking it, I’m not paying for it. If you want me to pay for ingredients than you had better learn how to cook.”

“Sounds fair.” Reborn said with a sly grin on his lips. While he wasn’t interested in learning how to cook, he was interested in some ‘quality’ time with the new Cloud and a promise of one-on-one time was very appealing.

A light laugh left the man’s lips as Fon and Colonnello went to get the others for their impromptu shopping expedition.

*

The Cloud watched the others shopping with a cool stare and a tilt to his head as they filled the cart with meat and vegetables. He placed himself against the cooler until they were done. Big grins on their faces and he smiled at them even as he took the bag of vegetables and put them back.

“What….” Colonnello begun but the Cloud ignored them as he began putting the meat back.

“Consider this your first lesson in cooking.” The Cloud said but his smile didn’t leave his lips. If anything, he looked far too amused. “When you are able to you should get your fruits and vegetables from a Farmers Market. Like the one we passed before getting here. They will be fresher, and they will taste better. Most Markets will also sell fresh meat. Usually fish. Any meat that you can’t find at the Market you want to look for in a grocer.” He lectured as he put everything else from their basket back into its place. “You should always go to the Market to see what they have versus what you need. Anything they don’t have you can pick up at the store. Anything they do have is well worth the price to get.”

“Why couldn’t you tell us this before we got here if you were just going to put everything back?” Verde hissed at him with a scowl that only seemed to amuse the Cloud more.

“Trial and error are important teachers. You are more likely to remember this lesson if you have to watch your hard work being for nothing and knowing you might still have to come back here to get anything we might need.” He shrugged but there was an impressed look on the Lightnings face. He was a scientist. Trial and error to find a workable solution was something he dealt with all the time. He had just never imagined it would be used in cooking.

“So… the market?” Lal questioned after a moment. She wasn’t sure if she should be amused or annoyed at how the Cloud was wasting their time.

“Nope. Lesson two. I saw a bunch of random ingredients being thrown in. You should know what you need and in what quantities you need them. Instead of grabbing a bunch of one item you want to make sure you have enough but not so much that you a lot of it will go to waste. Shopping is perhaps even more important than cooking. So, we’re going to make a list of what you want for food this week. Then we will make a list of ingredients and how much of each ingredient is required.”

“Err… there isn’t a table here for us to write on Kora.” Colonnello said as he peered around in the hopes of finding a table and maybe a pin and paper.

“You really should have thought about that before we left the house.” The Cloud shrugged. They were quiet for a moment as they wondered how they were supposed to write the list out when they didn’t have the needed utensils when Reborn snorted and took out his phone and opened up a notepad. He kept an eye on the Cloud as the others followed after him only to stop at the chaotic grin on the Clouds face and he knew they had messed up. He just didn’t know how. He stopped typing and looked at the Cloud with a raised eyebrow.

“You’re toying with us.” Reborn grunted and the Cloud let out a small laugh.

“You lot are rather bad at thinking on your feet when its outside of what you’re used to.” The Cloud shrugged. “But no. I’m not toying with you. Yet. You should all make one list. Not individual lists. I am not making a separate meal for everyone. There should be three meals a day for seven days with light snacks throughout the day. Since there are seven of us it should be one person a day. You don’t need a long list. Each of you should pick one breakfast, one lunch and one dinner food for the week. Those ingredients will be the ones you are responsible for buying and helping me to cook.”

Those present shared a startled look as they looked at each other because it hadn’t even crossed their minds. The Cloud watched as they each stared at their phones before swiping it clean and starting over.

Chapter Text

The Cloud watched as the idiots who had come to find him studied the fruits and vegetables in the stalls. When they found one they thought was good they would bring it to him to inspect. Mostly because there first batch he hadn’t liked. He had been kind enough to show them how to tell when one was good, but they still brought it over like puppies. The thought amused him to no end. He didn’t remember when he had so much fun shopping. Who knew teaching people the fundamentals could be so fun? Maybe he should have come along sooner if this was the amusement, he would get from it all.

He mentally debated on what name to go with next time one of them tried to yell at him as if he were at their beck and call. By the time they had re-grown he was determined to have made these idiots into people who could at least pretend to know manners. A soft laugh left his lips.

“Should I ask what is so amusing?” The Storm, Fon, asked as he snuck up beside him and he turned his head to look at the man.

“Should you?” He inquired, wondering if the man would take the bait.

“Very well, what do you find amusing?” The Storm asked with a smile twisting his lips. Would they ever learn?

“I find a lot of things to be amusing. Dancing cats. Teaspoons. Idiots. Idiots with teaspoons. Idiots dancing with cats. Teaspoons with idiots.” He rattled off getting a startled snort from the man.

“You are not what I was expecting.” Fon said once he got himself back under control.

“That isn’t the first time I heard that.” The Cloud shrugged as they headed off to another stall. It was soon apparent that none of them felt comfortable leaving him by himself. As if any of the clowns in the Mafia were a match for someone like him. He amusedly watched as they cycled through who came to stand with him and who bought the things from the stall.

When they arrived back to the mansion the Cloud watched amusedly as everyone brought in the groceries. His eyes landing on Viper. The one who requested going out to eat. “Come along Viper. You and I will start dinner while the others put these away.”

“Mu, I think I hate you.” Was the petulant answer that had him smiling widely at them.

“That is not the first time I heard that, but a deal is a deal. I will cook but tonight is your night to be my helper. Unless you really don’t think you can do it?” It wasn’t really a question even as he moved towards the kitchen.

“Mu, I should charge you.”

A soft laugh left the Cloud as they took out the ingredients to cook the Mist’s chosen food.

Once dinner was served the others looked at the dish with skepticism. It smelled delicious, but smells could be deceptive. Reborn was the one to take the first bite. His eyes widened at the flavors on his tongue. Never had he had anything like it. Even the most renowned restaurant in the world had nothing on this. It was mouthwatering. In all of his years he had never eaten anything like it.

The others took a tentative bite while the Cloud watched with amusement. Their eyes widened and soon they were scarfing it down as if they had been starved of food for years. His eyes danced as he calmly ate his own.

“Mu, you will teach me how to do that!” Viper demanded as they rounded on him. “I could make a fortune off of this!”

“This is why you need fresh food. The store-bought stuff is crap.” The Cloud shrugged as he took another slow bite while the others raced to have another helping of it. He was glad he had insisted on making enough food to feed a small army. He mentally calculated how long it would take them to be able to eat like normal people. Once they were used to food that was more than just edible, they would start eating less of it.

Viper’s eyes gleamed as they looked at the Cloud who was eating with precise and slow movements. A show that he was used to such a fair. They were going to need to find a way to make the Cloud cook for Xanxus. They owed the Varia Sky for keeping the imposter until they decided what to do with him and food this good would be a great payment. Better yet if they could make the others pay for the ingredients. Maybe they could convince Reborn that they needed a cookout with the kids.

“Where did you learn how to cook like this?” Verde demanded from where he was inspecting his nearly empty plate with a sorrowful expression on his face. Eating had always been a chore for him. Something that took away from his time in the Lab. This…. This had been a treat.

“You met my cousin. I grew up with his parents. They didn’t like me because I was different. Growing up I did the cleaning and cooking and everything else. After I left them, I went traveling for a bit. Met some people who delighted in teaching me how to make the food even better.  After Dudley decided to steal my name and that ass cursed me, I went traveling some more. It was always a wonder to see different people who cooked the same thing, cooking it differently. Of course, I also met people who found it hilarious to see a man the size of a toddler take down people so much larger so they taught me new tricks for that too.” He shrugged uncaringly.

“I think we’re keeping you.” Lal ventured after a moment her eyes gleaming with her amusement.

“But am I keeping you?” The Cloud asked as he finished his last bite. “Since Viper and I cooked it’s only fair the rest of you have to wash up.” He said as he scrapped his chair back and stood up.

“I have a working formula to re-age us. We can start it tonight.” Verde said with a frown his eyes on the door the Cloud had left from. Like hell was he going to allow the Cloud to slip through their fingers. After four decades with that imposter the World owed them a competent and talented Cloud. No, he was bound and determined to keep the Cloud. A look at the others showed they felt the same.

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The Cloud swirled the formula he had been handed around in its little glass vial. It was a vivid green color that would no doubt give him nightmares. Why couldn’t it be purple? Or really any color other than green or red.

With the resolve and courage that had gotten him placed in Gryffindor he lifted the vial and downed it in one go just as his phone went off. A snort left his lips as the others turned to look at him while seemingly talking to each other.

“Bedlam! Anarchy! How are my favorite pyro twins?” He questioned as he clicked the phone open.

“At your service Lord of confusion!”  Twin voices called and He knew without having to ask that the others could hear every word, but he wasn’t upset about it. In fact, he really didn’t care if they listened in.

“What can I do for you?” He asked as he sat down in the living room.

“We have a new prank item and need a willing volunteer.” One of the voices said with a hint of laughter.

“Or not so willing. You know. We’re not picky.”

“Right, you are dear brother. What do you say My Lord of all things confusing? Do you happen to have an enemy you haven’t killed that we can play with?”

The Cloud laughed as his eyes danced with pure amusement. “You know my view on enemies.” He shrugged uncaringly.

“Har-bear! What about, what’s its face. The one you put through the wall last time we visited you? Have you killed him, or can we play with him?” The twin voices whined.

“I haven’t killed him yet. I haven’t devised a painful enough ending for what he did, and I wasn’t the only one affected. It’s only right that I allow the others a chance for vengeance." The Cloud snickered and the Arcobaleno’s leaned in. Their interest picked in a way it always seemed to be with their new Cloud.

“Little chibi-fied baby brother. Throw your strapping. Handsome older brothers a bone. Or you know. An idiot. We promise not to harm him.” They chirped.

“The way you promised to not harm Ginny?” The Cloud asked with an unholy grin on his face.

“We didn’t harm her Har-bear. She was physically fine.” The voices chorused.

“Physically. If I recall correctly, she was in a vegetable state after you played with her. Her body might have been fine, but her mind was gone.”

“I don’t know what you’re insinuating Lord of Confusion. We didn’t do anything less than what our darling sister deserved. Besides all we did was make sure everyone was aware she had nothing in her head.”

“You, my darling terror twins. Took away my revenge. It wasn’t half as fun killing her when she was nothing more than a vegetable. You made me do a mercy killing and that isn’t my style.”

“Har-bear! Don’t you love us anymore?” The people on the other line cried.

“Of course, I do. I just don’t know if I should set you lose on someone the others might like to kill. What kind of person would I be if I took away there right to first blood? Try calling Luna, you know she has those radicals who like to try and terrorize her.”

“She was the one who recommended we call our loveable adopted little chibi of a brother. She was sure the Lord of Confusion. Maker of chaos. God of mischief and all things that make normal people sob in the night would know of at least one person we can use as a test subject.” The voices sounded despondent, but the Cloud just seemed amused by it all.

Before the Cloud could say anything, else Fon had moved. Taking the phone and tossing it towards Reborn who wore a devilish smile on his lips as the Cloud turned and blinked at him before shrugging. Looking, if at all possible, like he was even more amused.

“As it happens, we have a perfect test subject for you.” Reborn purred as he clicked the phone onto speaker. One eye on the Cloud who just settled back.  Wave of his hand giving him permission to do as he pleased. “Depending on how interesting you make his demise depends on if we give you any more subjects to play with.”

“Oh?” The voices on the other line seemed to light up and Reborn could almost feel their anticipation from over the phone.

“You see the clown I have in mind stole the identity and place of Harr-Bear. His dear cousin Dudley. We give the man to you and you send us documentation of your work and we might be willing to give you Checkerface.” Reborn bartered.

“Dudley? You wouldn’t happen to be meaning Dudley Dursley?” The voices asked and the Cloud snorted even as he nodded towards Reborn.

“That would be correct.” Verde said as he pushed his glasses up.

“Fuck! Harr-Bear! Please tell us they're not fucking with us! You know we wanted to play with that pig for decades! Please Harr-bear!” They practically begged.

“I told them they could do what they wanted with him. If that is giving him away to you two fiends, then I would hardly be able to stand in their way.” The Cloud shrugged uncaringly.

“Fuck yes! We have been trying to convince Harr-Bear to let us play with that Pig since he was fourteen! To finally be able to is a dream come true! Harr-Bear! I’m calling Bill and Charley! There going to shit a fucking brick!” The call was disconnected without another word and the Cloud shook his head.

“You just made their year.” He said rolling his eyes.

Chapter Text

Fon and the others had discussed the Cloud’s, their Clouds, apparent brothers once the male had gone to bed. It had been decided that the one who got to spend quality time with him would ask him about the others. It wouldn’t do, after all, to not be on good terms with their Cloud’s brothers

.

A grin stole across the Storm’s face when it was decided that his meals would be made that day. He chose a simple Chinese breakfast that he could make in his sleep. He barely withheld a smile when he purposely messed up and the small Cloud came over to ‘correct’ him.

“Your brothers seem interesting.” He told him after a while getting an amused snort from his Cloud.

“My brothers.” His Cloud said with a hint of laughter. “Are terrors. Their idols are pranksters. They are geniuses and inventors that have been pranking since the day they were born. Put them together with their older brothers and it’s a recipe for mayhem and terror. Put them together with me and we’re likely to level a country.”

“So, you enjoy pranking?” He asked with interest getting a laugh from the Cloud.

“I enjoy causing chaos.” The Cloud corrected with a laughed. His eyes gleamed with the admission. “Sometimes that comes in the form of a prank. Other times… well that would be telling. Wouldn’t it?”

Fon let out a soft laugh, his eyes gleaming as he looked at the small creature. “Do you know when your brothers would like a meet up to get the imposter?” He questioned lightly.

A soft laughing huff left the Cloud’s lips as he plated the food. “I will know in the next day or so. Might have to go back to the market. If they come all of this way to get Dudley and I don’t feed them I will never hear the end of it.”

“I would not mind accompanying you to the market.” Fon stated with a slight incline of his head. “Perhaps it may be best to do the hand off here. I am sure Viper is already planning on making you cook for Xanxus as repayment for keeping an eye on him.”

A breathless laugh left the Cloud’s lips as he grinned. “Of that I am aware. They were writing down various ways to get me to agree to it when I walked by them yesterday.” He agreed and Fon grinned. No doubt the Mist had purposely allowed their Cloud to see their notes.

“If we’re going to be cooking for a bunch of people, that might require a bit of extra work.” The Cloud ventured after a moment.

“I would not mind helping you cook.” Fon volunteered with a pleased look on his face. He would not be turning down time spent with his Cloud. Not when he had lost decades with him because of the imposter.

“Oh, if we’re cooking for a lot of people everyone is going to have to help. I’m not going to have sub-par food because there’s a lot of mouths to feed.” His Cloud stated with a serious look on his face. “Let me get a date from the terror twins and I can…” He was cut off as his phone rang.

“Can you get the others for breakfast?” He inquired and Fon grinned as he took out his phone and sent a quick message. No doubt the others would be sitting at the table in mere moments after getting it. He, after all, wasn’t the only one who wanted to spend time with their very interesting Cloud.

The Cloud snorted as he clicked the phone on and pressed it to his ear. “The twins said your new friends are giving us the pig.” The words were gruff and carried even as Fon picked up the plates to move them towards the table. He was amused that the person on the other end had not even bothered to allow the Cloud to properly greet them.

“Is that a question or a statement?” His Cloud teasingly asked, and Fon could almost hear the eyeroll.

“Har, this is serious. We’ve waited a long time to get to play with him. Charley had to be reminded that he couldn’t just leave the reserve. He has to get approved days off and Fleur threatened to have my head if she wasn’t allowed to play with him. You know my wife adores you. Not to mention what Gabby would do to me if she didn’t get a chance to dole out her own punishment.” There was a sigh on the phone.

“Ou! Is that ‘Arry Mon Amour?” A woman’s voice questioned. There was a soft French accent to it and Fon was very glad his little Cloud had followed with the other plates.

“Hello Enchantress!” His Cloud chirped with a grin.

“Do not ‘ello Enchantress me ‘Arry! Do you not love me anymore? You gave all the good playthings to the twins.”

“I did not give anyone anything. I told the others they could have Dudley. They gave him to the twin’s, but you know they will be more than happy to let you and Gabby have some fun with them.”

“Arry!” The female called sounding sad.

“Fleur, it’s breakfast and I’m being rude. I will call you back after we eat, and we can hash out whatever blackmail you want to use against your in-laws to get a chance at causing your own brand of justice.”

“Oi, You are my favorite Mon Ami! I will talk to you soon!” The voice chirped and their Cloud grinned and shook his head as he ended the call.

“Interesting call?” Reborn questioned with a dark smile as he took a bite of the food. His mouth watered at the flavors dancing across his tongue. He might need to up his workout routine least he becomes fat from the heavenly food he was consuming.

“You could say that.” Their Cloud stated as his eyes sparkled.