Archive of Our Own ^beta

Girl where have you been?  You ain’t going to believe the shit that went down here tonight.  You just cool down and let me tell you all about it.

So I found out what that ho was up to when she came and put her clothes in my passenger seat.  I knew she wasn’t up to no good.  She was trying to seduce my man!  Hell, she DID seduce my man.  Fucked him right on my trunk!  For real!  That ain’t even the worst though.  See, first she came back right after you left and put her helmet on top of her trashy clothes.  Then I don’t see her or him for a few hours.  It was all quiet and all good except I knew something bad was coming.  She usually leaves me the hell alone because she knows what’s good for her.  One day she is going to get in and not put on that seat belt and that bitch WILL be going through the windshield.  It’ll be worth the broken glass, I swear to god.  Anyway, so you’ve been gone for a while and nothing has been happening until she comes running out in nothing but a shirt.  Nothing. But. A. Shirt.  NOTHING.  She gets right in like she owns me and she has the damn keys!  I am so not happy about this.  She starts me right up and I tried to stall her out, I swear I did, but you know Phil has got me running so good.  He is my sweet baby… I got distracted, sorry.  So I am hoping this ain’t going to be too bad with this heifer at the wheel.  At least the bitch knows how to fly right?  Wrong.  She drives for like, ten minutes, and then pulls off on some dirt road and gets me all nasty.  Well, on the outside.  I was already all nasty on the inside because she wasn’t wearing nothing but a shirt.  I do mean nothing.  I mean she sat her nasty raw cooch down on my pristine leather where Phil’s fine round ass belongs and got her skankified coochie juice all up on me.  For realz.  She didn’t even have the decency to turn on the radio for a distraction. Anyhow, we are out in the middle bum fucked wherever just sitting there and then I hear that abomination of a vehicle that she usually rides around on coming up.  It’s my sweet baby Phil!  And he looks like pure hell has done hit him.  Bless his heart, my bae didn’t have on no shoes, his shirt wasn’t done up, his hair was all wild.  Lord, it makes me idle faster just thinking about it.  So she is sitting her funky twat up on my trunk letting her funk get on my paint job, knowing she is ruining my top coat.  So he gets off of her hell machine and they talk for a minute and the next thing you know they are just going at it!  I mean really going at it.  Hell, I was cheering “Git it git it git Hit it Hit it HIT IT!” cause it was hot and because, well, Phil.  He was working out my shocks.  You know I’ll let my man get freaky all on top of me.  He’ll buff me out tomorrow.  You’ll see.  Anyhow, it was all wham bam thank you ma’am and done.  He don’t care about that ho, I know.  Then that skankwhoretwatwaffle of a bitch just smeared, and I mean deliberately, smeared her goo and his jizz all over me! So not cool.  Then she just hops on her bike and leaves, pretty as you please.  Next thing you know, Phil is cleaning me up with his pretty green and yellow tie and singing ‘Sexual Healing’ like Marvin to me and promising me he’ll get me all fixed up tomorrow.  Oh that man is so sweet!  He’s just delicious like good old fashioned full lead gasoline, you don’t know nothing about that, you poor baby. But you won’t believe, he gets me all cleaned up in back and just plants his fine ass down in my seat without wiping up her mess in here.  I just can’t get over it.  It was gross.  And he didn’t even care.  And he just drove right back here and parked and jumps out.  He didn’t even tell me bye or look back or nothing.  Like he just couldn’t wait to get on with whatever he was doing.  I don’t even know what to think.  He did promise to get out the wax and give me a good rub down tomorrow.  Maybe he’ll fiddle around under my hood some too.  I’ll forgive him just about anything when he adjusts my fuel injectors, you know?  But I sure do hate it when he just has to tease me by scromping with his hoes.