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“The war is over Steve.”
Steve was feeling bad, really bad. He was fucked up. First seeing his best friend becoming his enemy and a vision about Peggy.. He couldn’t take it anymore. But he had to be strong for all the team because everyone was in pretty bad shape. So he said nothing.
The road to Clint’s home was quiet (Clint having a home and a family was a totally different story). The main reason was because everyone was shaken. When they got home, everyone changed their clothes and they went downstairs.
Clint’s family seemed like a dream to Steve. Being able to have a wife and kids, a normal life. Once, that was all Steve ever wanted with Peggy. And now Peggy barely remembered him.
“We can go home.”
He started to feel overwhelmed, suddenly he couldn’t breathe, everyone he cared about was gone and he was all alone and-
“Steve?”
“Huh?” Steve startled. Tony was looking at him with worried eyes. Oh right.. Tony.. He totally forgot about his lover. He must have been in a bad shape as well, Steve thought.
“You okay babe?” Tony asked. He was looking exhausted.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Are you alright?” Steve asked. He didn’t want Tony to be upset. Ever since the New York attack, they were pretty close and for a couple of months, they were in a relationship. And to Steve, right now, Tony was all that mattered. He was like his anchor because thanks to Tony, Steve wasn’t feeling so alienated.
“Steve, you don’t look good.” Tony said, he put his hand on Steve’s shoulder and squeezed a little. In fact, Steve wasn’t good. At all. That Maximoff girl has messed up with Steve’s mind pretty bad. But he didn’t mention it because he has to be the strong one. Especially these days.
“Yeah, just tired you know, that all.” Steve said and tried to smile. But that was kinda true, he really was tired.
“I feel you Capsicle. But don’t worry, Mrs. Agent gave us a room so you can get all the rest you want. With me of course, I know you wouldn’t want to miss a chance to sleep with me.” Tony said with a smirk and put a light kiss on Steve’s lips.
------
The room was not so big, but big enough for both Tony and Steve. The lights were dim, which was good, and the color of the room was soft. Tony and Steve lay down in bed, facing with each other. Steve pulled Tony closer.
“Easy there, soldier. Im not going anywhere.” Tony was surprised actually. Sure, Steve was a cuddler, a very good one, but he wasn’t expect him to be so quick.
“I missed you.” Steve said and he embraced Tony’s smell. His smell was always making him fell safe. He buried his face in Tony’s neck and let out a soft groan.
“You sure you okay?” asked Tony, he was palying with Steve’s hair softly, hid other hand rubbing Steve’s back. Steve shaked his head.
“I’m okay, just, let’s stay like this.” He whispered. He really needed that. Tony didn’t say a word. He just kissed Steve’s head and in a couple of minutes, they were both asleep.
------
He was in the plane, towards the ocean. He was scared, and then he heard a womans voice.
“Steve?” Peggy. It was her voice
“Peg-“ and now he was in a bar. All of his friends were there. He turned around and saw a hand on his shoulder.
“Steve” It was Peggy. Dressed in red, so beautiful as ever.
“The war is over Steve. We can go home.” That words were so familiar to him. Then they started to dance. He held Peggy tightly. He closed his eyes.
When he opened his eyes, Peggy was gone, he was alone in the bar. But…
“Miss me punk?” Oh fuck. Fuck. He couldn’t turn his face to him. He coulnd’t believe it, he was trembling, he couldn’t move. Bucky was there.
“Buck?” He was really there, he wasn’t dead, he was real. Steve’s eyes were getting to tear up.
“The one and only.” Bucky said with a smile. He was really there. Oh God, he. was. there. No metal arm, no long hair, no sign of hatred. That was real.
“Oh, Buck.” Steve’s voice was shaky, not just his voice, he was shaking. He was so shocked but so goddamn happy.
“You thought I’m dead? You can’t get away from me that easily you know Stevie, cause I’m with you till the end of the line pal.” He wanted to hug Bucky so bad, to feel him, to feel his friend, his brother.. He was getting close, he was about to embrace Bucky’s presence and-
“Steve?”
Steve woke up with a gasp. He looked around. Where was he? What was going on? Bucky was next o him right now.
“Babe look at me.” He looked at the man near him.
“Buck?” Steve asked with a shaky voice. He was shaking. But no, no that wasn’t Bucky.
“It’s me Steve, Tony.” Tony was worried. He didn’t want to see Steve like this. Ever. He got closer to Steve, he put his hand on Steve’s shoulder but Steve jerked away.
“Get back,” He snapped. He was getting worse. His hands were now trembling, he was sweating, his face was wet ( was he crying?)
“just give me a minute.” He stood up, wandering aroung the room, his hands on his head. (He was pulling his hair, Tony noticed that but didn’t make a sound. Because he knew what Steve was doing, he was trying to convince himself that it was just a dream, that this place is real.) Tony was watching him silently. Sure, Steve had had nightmares sometimes but not like this. Never like this. He waited for his lover to calm down. Steve went to the bathroom and washed his face. He was slightly better, slightly. That dream was so real, he could swear it was real. But it wasn’t. His heart was aching.
------
He went back to the room, sat to the endge of bed, looking at the ground. He put his head between his hands. Tony sat next to him.They stayed like this for a couple of minutes.
“Feeling better?” Tony asked with a husky voice. Steve nodded.
“Can I touch you” Tony asked again. Steve nodded.
Tony put his arms around Steve’s neck and pulled him close. At that moment, Steve broke.
Tony held Steve close, his face buried in Tony’s chest. He was crying his heart out, his guts out. He was shaking. That was the breaking point. Tony was rubbing Steve’s back, drawing circles, kissing Steve’s head. Shushing him. Steve was muttering some words ( Oh God, I’m sorry, Buck, Peg, No) but he was crying so bad the words didn’t come out clearly.
“Ssh, It’s okay, you’re okay.” Tony was saying those word repeatedly. He was waiting for that moment actually. He knew Steve was trying so hard to look so strong but despite being a supersoldier, he was still a human being. And humans had emotions.
Steve clenched Tony’s shirt tightly, still crying.
“Sshh, I got you.” Tony kept going. Steve, who was sobbing, buried himself deeper to Tony. That night, he cried for his past, his best friend Bucky, his old love Peggy, and the future he didn’t even had a chance to have.
------
Minutes past. ( but it felt like forever)
Steve stopped crying, but still clenching Tony, staring at the ground blankly. Tony was still rubbing his back, playing with his hair. Steve let out a sigh.
“Better?” Tony asked with a low tone.
“Yeah.” Steve answered. His voice raspy from crying. His throat hurt from sobbing. He closed his eyes. Tony kissed his head. Steve lifted his head, eyes locked on Tony’s. Their foreheads meeting. Tony kissed Steve’s lips softly.
“Thank you.” Steve said. He owed Tony a lot. That man was his savior.
“Ssh, don’t mention it.” Tony said and he kissed Steve’s hair.
“You should get some sleep.” He told Steve and they both layed. Steve leaned on Tony. Tony hugged him, he rested his head on Steve’s head. Steve buried his face deeper to Tony’s chest. It was helping him relax.
“Go to sleep.” Tony said. Holding Steve close, embracing him. Steve closed his eyes, starting to calm down.
“I love you.” He said and he kissed Tony’s chest.
“I love you too,” Tony returned “now go to sleep.”
Steve didn’t make a sound. He did got lost, yes. But Tony found him and took him back. He has lost a lot, a lot for a lifetime, he was broken, but Tony was there and right now, that was all he needed. He would be just fine. So he slept peacefully, this time with no nightmare.