Work Text:
Soundwave does not like relationships. He tries best to Ignore them, as they are nothing more than troublesome for him. They would only be a nuisance to his work for Megatron. The needs of Lovers are not above those of his orders, thus he has no need for one.
Or so he thinks.
Every day, every week, every month, every year, he is at work. He commands, He does orders, and He never stops. The orders to kill, to spy, to massacre, to do missions, to experiment are always lingering in his mind, either finding a grotesque way to kill the Autobots, or finding way to lead a successful mission.
He just doesn't..stop. He has no obstacles to make him falter, he has no reason to not do whatever he was ordered to do, he never could find a way, nor would he ever do that if he could've.
Each mission location was sporadic, but it was no trouble to Soundwave. He slaved around every single fight, he would never take a halt. Maybe it was tiresome to him, but he didn't take a break. The troops would gossip about it, about the well-being of the "Malicious Spymaster". Soundwave did take wind of that, but only saw it as a Title of honor, some troops may say.
But in truth, he never cared about anything that happened amongst their ranks. It was of no use to him, nothing more than petty entertainment that everyone gets excited and curious. Thought it may boost morale, but the work of some soldiers may begin to falter, and thus, lead to ineffectiveness.
It might just be that the Spymaster could not feel true happiness, something to be content with, but that's hardly relevant to him. All he could ever care about was if he could get something done or not, he puts goals and do anything to achieve them. Sabotage is nothing new to him.
But as of course, like every Decepticon, or better yet, like every living being, Soundwave had a flaw. He was a sucker for jokes, but it doesn't affect his ability to get things done. Likewise, he's always sucked back into work.
He greatly thinks that getting attached romantically is ridiculous, only getting in the way of all his lauded finished missions. To care, to love, to handle another mech like him. (Lazerbeak, however, is a bird, she does not count.)
He does have reasons to follow orders, one is because he is loyal. He follows the orders of someone he respects much, because he is simply loyal.
And two? He likes the praises that come with finishing the mission. Be it whether it is an easy or hard, he likes the words of affirmation and the feeling of being appreciated.
Soundwave was a complicated mech, that is why not anyone really interacts with him. And Soundwave would let it stay that way.
He only cared about finishing missions, not getting attached, and simply staying as a loyal officer to the decepticons.
Those words had actually meant something and so he followed those little rules. Until the Quintessons.
The simple drive to stay to his morals, his little rules, went away as the current situation called a truce between Autobots and Decepticons. A small ragtag team up against Beings who was massacring his whole entire planet and his species.
It was quite long before he knew he was deviating from his agreed path.
How things were going wasn't helping, their lack of members to even go up against the Quintessons, The lack of technology to help them get their friends out. Soundwave was reeling. He wants to go back, to be in command, to resume his monotone Life of jokes. To get things done, to finish his missions. The Autobots weren't really much of a stress relief. Their Morals, their sense of goodness, For what's right or wrong? Soundwave stifled a groan. As if they weren't innocent. As if they didn't commit a whole vast of warcrimes. They act as if they were the Good ones.
But he had to make do to survive. To regain his life of servitude. And at this point, Soundwave hadn't really been straying from his path. He still stayed true to himself, not yet deserting his morals.
It was at that point where he decided to work with the "team" was where he started to change. And to some, Soundwave never really did change. His personality throughout the war had been his personality before the war. Nothing much changed.
He had adapted, he started to follow to a new set of Morals he was introduced to. He started to care, and that was at least a first. He never really showed much attention to his Teammate's wellbeing until now.
Nobody really anointed one person as the Leader, so Soundwave took charge. But then an Autobot clearly wanted also to be in command.
The little enthusiastic Autobot, Hot Rod, was just so bright and shiny, spontaneously annoying Soundwave. They were complete opposites. Soundwave was focused, Hot Rod was always distracted. But they became a great duo, rather than continuing the path of still being enemies for all the grudges against each opposed side. Though it didn't really matter now as they were in a life or death situation.
The more they had spended time together, the more they got along. Soundwave never had really felt this way, for millions of years he'd never had someone, a partner like Hot Rod.
He was deserting from the path of the once Malicious Spymaster. He felt the mask slip. But not fully. He only started to care a little, not fully.
Their team started to become well, They worked together and had fun. Something Soundwave was never accounted to, and he felt like a stranger. As if he had just been recently programmed and introduced into a world where he felt like he didn't fit in. As if he wasn't supposed to be here.
But he keeps it well hidden. He isn't one to be very vocal to his emotions, nevertheless why he would never tell anyone that he felt foreign to this: To joy, to experience fun, to actually play, with some mechs he felt comfortable with. Well, not really. They were but a fill in, or thats what Soundwave would think.
Truly, he did feel extrinsic. He didn't belong here. He was meant for more harsh working environments, where no time of debates were spared, and orders came quickly. Like the ones he experienced.
As strange as he felt to this, he tried to still enjoy it. One thing he rather be dead than be caught in the act. The unfunny jokes and awkward situations, he felt like he had adapted to them. No more cringing, no more being serious about insults made by Autobots.
He felt slowly attaching to them.
He didn't contempt anymore against the Autobots, he felt himself relax a little. He followed orders and made them swiftly, he joked around the Team, discussed battle plans and found himself inclined into times where he would respond to the jokes of others with his own. Rather twisted, or even funnier.
The team had never expected the Spymaster like this. He felt no more to force himself to follow, as if he were but a thespian to a charade. He no more concealed his emotion of joy. Laughing more often, and joking every second.
Albeit the looming threat of the Quintessons always lingering, he felt more leisure, And to Hot Rod, he felt weird. Something as if he truly were slipping from something.
The more times he had been with Hot Rod, the more this feeling consumed him whole. He's never given it a thought, the weight of this horrendous feeling was cumbersome. He never could get rid of it. So he waited it out.
Maybe he didn't have time for his own feelings, Maybe he just wanted to wait it out because he felt like it would go away. Either reasons felt illogical. He never the right answer.
Soundwave never really had time for himself, nor would anyone really cared. But this time, he truly felt appreciated. As if someone really did care for his well-being. Hot Rod had been very mindful, always caring for how everyone felt. Even at first when he had betrayed them, he still was saved. To Soundwave, he was a nuisance. Something so bright and scintillating, his voice always going on a crescendo. His voice was always there, yapping about how team safety is a priority.
But those times of leisure had been stripped as everyone was taken out of the loop. He should've felt happy that he got his life of servitude and loyalty back. Time and time again he wished for it, now that he has it, why does he feel disappointed? Why does he not feel content like he always should when completing a mission?
There might've not been praise, but that was not it. He still was with his "Team", But not as much. He and Hot Rod Would meet, But not as alone as they used to be. Meetings and work piled up, Soundwave didn't know he felt now.
And so he began to conceal it. Goodbye was the Soundwave whom felt content and joyful, and came was the Soundwave who was busy yet again.
The unresolved feeling he had with Hot Rod was left, was piled over by new issues and orders. Soundwave left it that way, and would rather be it that way. As he finally knew what that feeling was, it was better to keep it hidden. Secrete it with problems so it would never rise to become an issue, obscuring his feelings as if it were never there.
If anyone else found out, he would commit arson.
And so the monotonous and malevolent ways of Soundwave resurfaced. Though despite still having his humor, his twisted ways of planning were still there. The way Soundwave had adapted to when he was still in the Ragtag team, quickly formed back into what he once was.
Though there are little bits of change still sticking onto him, like how he would still care for Hot Rod, Only feeding his unresolved feeling. He can't help it, it's like he has no resistance. He doesn't even know why, it's simply ridiculous.
Then again, he continues on with his duties. As more duties came, the less time he had to concur to a conclusion whether he should proceed with his relationship. But like as always, he never does. He doesn't care, and it's better that way.
Falling inlove with someone felt like he was walking on small little pebbles in the midst of a lava, trying hard not to make any mistakes as he hopped on each stone. Falling into the hot burning lava would be like continuing the raging Loving for Hot Rod, whether toxic or domestic. As he continued to go through the scattered pebbles, the end would be that he loses his feelings and proceed to his own world. Him, and Lazerbeak. And only the two of them as they serve their Leader
And he tried. He tried hard to ignore the enthusiastic Autobot. But because of his bright personality, he was always so noticeable. He can't ignore him directly, either, as it would rouse suspicions and his true intentions would come clear. And he would be made fun of, laughed at, being put in the bottom.
His nascent anxiety always made way, and so when the thought of confidence came, it would always usher away.
But fate always doesn't go his way when it was personal. After the Quintessons were denounced defeated and dead, the wall was put up. And with that, Soundwave had reached the pinnacle of his breaking point. He was at the border between Sadness and Happiness, as he was happy that he wouldn't see Hot Rod. But so sad at the same time. He never reached the answer, but rather ignored it. He wouldn't go near the walls at all, he wouldn't stare at what the Autobots had built.
Though mesmerizing to what Lazerbeak said, it would remind him of that Autobot Hot Rod. And thus, lead to ineffectiveness. He would start to fail, falter, and never be applauded again. He would daily vent to Lazerbeak, maybe to just lessen the stress he had.
He stayed with Shadowstriker, the two kind of became friends. Though nothing but just platonic, he felt content that way. The two would come to investigate what Megatron was planning, as they felt like they were not in the inner circle anymore.
And then Megatron X and his perfect decepticons had to come. Great. They were nothing more than annoying collateral damage. Though supposedly, it was their Megatron's fault. Why do they have to deal with this for Megatron's thievery? Never has he questioned his Leaders motives, let alone his actions.
But this offered an opportunity where he would finally cross that thin pebbled path, finally losing his feelings for Hot Rod forevermore. And so he threw himself into servitude. Work after work after work, he still never stopped. Planning took great time, fights felt never ending. But still, his spark yearned for Hot Rod. The leisure he felt, the peacefulness he wanted, all there within the Autobot. But Soundwave knew it wasn't the time, and even if it were, he couldn't.
After the defeat of both Megatrons, a true treaty of peace was made. Soundwave anointed himself to lead the Decepticons, no more slathering himself with missions that were ordered, instead, issued the missions. Daily meetings with the Autobots for each sides benefits and disadvantages were a bother. But what made it even more of a nuisance, was the bright Autobot, Hot Rod. The unresolved feelings arose again, and he despised himself for it.
Hot Rod became ridiculously close with Soundwave, pulling him in hugs and conversations, calling him out loudly. It fed Soundwave's drive of his outrageous love, but still not minding it. Maybe he liked it, maybe he enjoyed it. But he was a leader now, and that would never change.
Meetings, contracts and discussions became his daily life, having Shadowstriker as his second-in-command. Plans to take down the walls were prioritized, as the structure was barely known. Mostly because Megatron planned it himself, and no way to take it down was knowledgeable. They didn't know, but their Scientists and Engineers worked on it.
And so did it go on, his boring, tiring life of leadership. That was, until the failsafe plan to finally deactivate the walls were made. It took a great amount of weeks, because the mechanics looked like it was from another Universe, but that was right, it was.
The day of where it was taken down was also the day of the signing of the true peace treaty contract. It oddly was like the day of the loop, though the music was different. And this time, nothing could've gone wrong.
Oh how he was deeply wrong, likewise.
That idiot, the one who ran away, the one who was likely alone, Soundblaster. He deeply hated the mech. With every single burning passion.
Greetings and Meetings were done, as they dragged Soundwave down. Torment was now in play, for Soundblasters so called revenge. Soundwave was put into s machine, every sound, every echo, every muffle, it would bounce back. Everyone was clearly paused, using that gun of Soundblasters. Soundwave struggled, restrained by the machine. He took Lazerbeak, and he wanted to burn Soundblaster. But at least he didn't take Hot Rod. Like that would even matter, Soundwave thought.
Why was Hot Rod even in his mind? He was clearly about to die.
Until a giant mecha arrived, saving Soundwave. Soundwave didn't know who they were, and didn't even care. He got out of his sound prison, finally reenacting his revenge, until he felt the gun zap him once more.
Everything felt like a blur after, and when he finalled opened his optics, everyone was shouting with joy. The peace treaty finally signed, and he exhaled with relief. Mostly, and deeply because that Hot Rod, No— Everyone was safe from the grasps of those embarrassments. They ran away rather than actually fighting, making them more below than Soundwave originally intended to think of them.
Destroyed some planets? Hell, the Decepticons wiped more than "some" planets. They wiped oug whole solar systems, galaxies, in the span of millions of years. They defeated multiverse versions of them, and even decimated the Quintessons. Primus knows how many Multiverses were massacred because of them.
So yes, they felt pathetic to Soundwave.
The after party of the peace treaty was held at McAddams. Where it was bustling with mechs. Actually, there was a staircase that was blocked by seats and chairs which lead to a second floor was found.
Preceptor and Dead end took care of the Bartending duties, It was so crowded that they added more seats outside of the building. And even more mechs volunteered to do waiter duties. Most of the having familiar faces, one he either fought or one he served over.
Soundwave was slumped on the seat, Sitting alone in one of the chairs of the main building of McAddams. A cocktail glass or two on his table as he seized an half-empty one. His mask clicked closed yet again, putting his glass down. Nobody would ever see his face, and nobody would really notice it would be Soundwave.
And he just had the luck of meeting with Hot Rod. I mean, it wasn't really luck since it was crowded, and of course Hot Rod would help with Serving. Autobots always had that drive to help, it was always annoying.
They had a little conversation, mostly about how Soundwave was alone. Hot Rod sat down, and Soundwave tried not to initiate optic contact. Hot Rod, as tipsy as he was, never noticed. Because of the visor, mostly. But the head movements were very clear he was ignoring him.
They had a nice talk, and Soundwave tried to ignore his intrusive thoughts Of 'Kiss him, he won't even remember.' Or even, 'Hold his hand, Nobody would notice, just make it look like an arm wrestling competition.'
And he held his ground, barely restraining himself as he let a little poke on Hot Rod's hand slip out. Thankfully, this wasn't a sign of intimacy.
They drank together, and overtime, Hot Rod forgot about his duties. The more times the Red Autobot drank, the more Tipsier he would get. Eventually leading to a blackout, and after attempts to ask of where Hot Rod's house was, he gave up. And drove Hot Rod to his house instead.
Though mocking chirps from the cassete in his chest was heard, Soundwave tried to muffle them. Thank Primus Hot Rod was asleep.
He gently placed him into his berth, and Soundwave slept in his Living room. Unfortunately, Hot Rod had the audacity to waking up and stealing Soundwave's stash of High grade.
And like always, he went onto a drunken rant. Ridiculous, Humorous things Soundwave would've laughed at if he wasn't feeling so dead inside because of all the alcohol.
But then? Then came the confessions of guilt from Hot Rod. About how he admired Soundwave, before completely blacking out again. Soundwave had to reset his own Audio, because what?
Then came the Admirably over thinking thought from his "Consigliere", Shadow striker, about how 'Drunken rants are sober thoughts'. He felt things he had never felt before with Hot Rod, or any of his life time.
Next morning, Hot Rod found out and became extremely embarrassed. Their interactions became more awkward since then. Meetings and Discussions felt more exhausting, mentally.
Even with the conversations with Hot Rod, oh God, Hot Rod!
Fortunately they worked it out, a Little. They talked, and Soundwave found himself slipping. He found himself talking about what he truly felt and Hot Rod listened. He listened closely and solemnly. Of how he abstained himself for work. It truly was...a first. But the love never really was discussed. They worked it out, but the awkwardness was still there. It felt like a permanent barrier between them, and their actual intimate conversations. Theor meet ups.
Until then Tarn, and the Perfect Decepticons appeared months then after. Nothing more than collateral damage Soundwave had to clear up and stress over.
Then came the controlling Tarn, thinking himself an equal to a Celestial Being, Though he was far from one. Siding with him didn't really give Soundwave any opportunities to back stab him.
But as he saw the others' faces of the official statement of his betrayal, he couldn't help but stare in regret as he saw Hot Rod's face. He felt weak, Pathetic.
He finally strayed from his path truly. He finally felt the last string connecting him to his morals snap. At least thats what he thought he felt when Megatron died. But this one felt solemn.
And when the last battle came, him up against Tarn, He looked at Hot Rod, who looked at him worriedly. A clear comm was heard which said "Don't do this, Soundwave, Please, we need you," A slight pause, "I need you."
As he lifted his leg up, inclining his back, he responded to the comm with a soft, gentle voice as he removed his mask once more for the speedster, smiling as his voice gracefully transmitted to the other's comms,
What ever made you think I would ever love you, even if I could?
And white was all the Spymaster could ever see after.