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Chapter Text

It took Shen Qingqiu six months to make the first jump. 

Comparatively it had taken him around a shichen to realise he was in a different body in a different world and that his options for returning to his own world were frustratingly slim. Realising he was in a different body was easy, everything felt different and looked different and nothing about the way he moved was familiar. 

Realising he was in a different world took longer. He had assumed first that he was a beta because he lacked the senses of an alpha or omega. After he crawled his way out of the roadside ditch that the body he had taken had been dumped into after what seemed to be an unfortunate bandit attack, he had walked down the road to find a town where he could orient himself. 

At this point Shen Qingqiu was purposefully keeping his thoughts simple. He was in a different body. The last thing he remembered was qi deviating, looking at Qingge and falling unconscious. Therefore his body on Cang Qiong was likely dead if he was in this one. He needed to find out where he was and get back to the Sect. He needed to find out how much time had passed. That was crucial.

He very carefully did not allow himself to think beyond those two questions no matter how difficult it felt to keep his mind on track. Thinking too much was useless. It was better to simply exist in the moment with nothing behind or beyond him. It was something he had tried to learn from Qingge. And now that he had let himself think about Qingge again he couldn’t stop. He felt sick. 

It took him barely any time in the small village to realise he was in a different world. Secondary dynamics didn’t exist. Secondary dynamics didn’t exist. 

He thought of Qingge and then stopped himself again. He was in a different world. That was all he needed to think about. All he needed to think about was getting back to his own world. It had been at least a shichen of time. He had been away too long. He needed to get back. 

Unlike the last time Shen Qingqiu was a penniless vagrant roaming the lands, he was far older this time with more experience under his belt. He would be fine. There was no question about that. How long it would take for him to return to his own world was a different issue. Of course he would do it, there were no doubts. He’d do it. But it would take time. It would take more time than he could spare. 

He didn’t allow himself to think too much about it. 

*

Xin Mo was the only artefact Shen Qingqiu had ever heard of that could open portals between realms. Shen Qingqiu was loathe to put his faith in old writings of Heavenly Demonic Emperors driven insane by a sword whose power was limitless and uncontrollable. But there really was nothing else. He had never even heard a whisper of a rumour of anything else that could slice open the barriers between worlds. 

He might not even be able to use Xin Mo. Putting aside that the body he had found himself in wasn’t a cultivator, Xin Mo was a demonic blade and therefore could only be controlled through demonic qi. In fact it may even be a benefit that this body didn’t have a developed set of meridians. It was the body of a non-cultivator and that may actually help when it came to Xin Mo. If he had spiritual qi the sword would suck him dry in a second. Maybe he’d last longer as a mortal. 

His first foray into the Endless Abyss was a disaster. He was relying entirely on the remembered journal entries of a previous Peak Lord of Bai Zhan who had explored the nightmare realm enough times that Shen Qingqiu had a vague idea of what to expect. He was lucky he had been able to read those private writings. It was down to Qingge of course, why else would Shen Qingqiu be granted access to Bai Zhan’s (fairly scant) literary legacy. Now he was thinking about Qingge again. He stopped himself and focused on licking his wounds from the Abyss. 

The Abyss was ever shifting, landmarks reshaped themselves and moved around which meant one could wander for a hundred years and not chase down the one place they were after. Shen Qingqiu didn’t have anything close to a hundred years. 

He went to the Demon Realm. 

It was hot and disgusting but only demons could survive in the environment of the Abyss and in his mortal body he was even less well equipped than he was as a cultivator. 

Some demons, insane ones, explored the Abyss for enjoyment. They would pop in and out of the natural rifts that appeared here and there over the realms. Shen Qingqiu used one of them the first time he had entered the Abyss. He had overestimated himself and thankfully when he turned back the rift was still there and he was able to leave. It was lucky. He was lucky. 

Shen Qingqiu found a demonic guide who seemed both stupid and suicidal and who was also taken enough by the idea of searching for Xin Mo that they agreed to accompany Shen Qingqiu who was no more than a random mortal. In return Shen Qingqiu would draw her (pedestrian and simple) talismans that she could use to impress the human she currently fancied. She was likely going to kill him for the sword when they found it. That was fine, he would kill her first. 

So he ventured in the Abyss with his demonic guide. 

He had his recollected writings to guide them and the demon was vicious enough to kill most of anything that tried to kill them. 

Even so it was a singularly terrible expedition. 

The demon died after being speared by a tripled-tailed fire scorpion and Shen Qingqiu had to continue without her which was phenomenally stupid. He was sure he wouldn’t survive but if he died then… he couldn’t die. He had to get back to his world. 

He found Xin Mo almost by accident. He knew on some level that the sword was sentient and considering that maybe it was more apt to say that it found him. He was only mortal but he had a mind didn’t he? A mind was all it took for Xin Mo to begin its manipulations. After all, Shen Qingqiu was only a first step for the sword to attach itself to like a parasite before finding a more powerful host. 

Shen Qingqiu knew all of this. He knew. 

He still touched the sword. 

*

The first jump between worlds that he attempted was out of the Endless Abyss. When he regained consciousness there was blood in his mouth and more time had passed. He once more didn’t know where he was. His mind felt like it had been boiled in oil and broken apart into far too many pieces like fatty batter. 

His eyes were closed. He was thinking too much. He opened his eyes. 

Was he in another world? Or was he simply out of the Abyss in the same world? Did it matter? 

He leaned over onto his side, threw up, and then laughed maniacally. He wanted to cry so he did. 

His mind was full of fantasies. Most were violent. Others were erotic. Many were both. It was disgusting. When had he become the kind of person who thought like this? He wanted to push someone down and tear into them. He wanted to eat their flesh and fuck them until they died. 

He threw up again and then finally managed to put the talisman he had prepared on Xin Mo. All it did was dampen the effects and make it safe to pick up and put in a qiankun pouch. It didn’t wipe the aftertaste of his thoughts away. 

When he stood he was still crying and he wanted someone there with him so badly. Not just anyone though. He wanted a specific person. A specific person he had left all alone for six months. He didn’t deserve them back because he had left but he had done all he could to go back so wasn’t that worth something? He wasn’t abandoning them, he hadn’t forgotten about them, he wasn’t breaking a promise. He was trying. 

And that was actually worth nothing in the face of the vile fantasies Xin Mo had encouraged him to indulge in. 

Shen Qingqiu took the qiankun pouch and left to find someone who could use Xin Mo since he couldn’t. The more he used the sword the more he would forget why he was using it and it would be better if he never made it back than if he did as a disgusting snarling beast of a person unable to control their baser instincts. 

*

Zuzhi-lang found him fairly quickly after he started his search for a demon he could hire to wield Xin Mo. The snake creature couldn’t speak but with a little ink he could draw rough approximations of characters to communicate. He wanted Xin Mo because he believed the sword could be used to free Tianlang-jun. Shen Qingqiu wanted Tianlang-jun to be able to wield Xin Mo. Zuzhi-lang was very enthusiastic that he would be able to but Shen Qingqiu thought he was lying. 

In any case he didn’t have many better options. 

Shen Qingqiu considered and despised the whole stupid situation and considered and despised some more and ultimately chose to let Zuzhi-lang take Xin Mo and free a trapped Tianlang-jun. 

If Tianlang-jun wanted to use the sword to get revenge and destroy the entire world that was fine, he just needed to get Shen Qingqiu to where he needed to go first. 

Somehow Tianlang-jun kept his word though it was obvious that it was more out of curiosity than faithfulness. 

The former Demonic Emperor was missing an arm and walked with a pronounced limp, using Xin Mo as a crutch which Shen Qingqiu felt bitterly pleased at. The stupid sword deserved it after the way it had tried to scramble his mind. 

“My dear nephew,” Tianlang-jun’s voice was a strange croak which seemed to pain him more than his loss of limbs and mobility. “Tells me that you need me to open a portal to another world for you.” Tianlang-jun sat heavily on a large boulder in their meeting place and laid Xin Mo across his lap. “Quite a feat for a mortal to find the sword and harbour such ambitions.”

Shen Qingqiu didn’t have much he wanted to say. Words felt like a natural precursor to thoughts and he had been doing an adequate job at avoiding both. 

“Can you do it?” He asked. 

Tianlang-jun sighed dramatically, “I am always surrounded by people that lack the love of conversation.” He lamented, “Zuzhi, don’t you think so?”

The snake demon who looked a fair bit more human now, though still snake-like, nodded. “Yes Junshang.” He agreed. 

“Can you do it?” Shen Qingqiu repeated. 

Tianlang-jun sighed again, “No love of life.… Well, I can certainly make an attempt but from what I know about Xin Mo’s powers of travel, it requires the user to picture where they want to go. If I’m the one using the sword then how will I know where you want to go?”

It’s a good point. 

“Maybe you should describe your home to me?”

Shen Qingqiu can’t. 

“I can’t describe it in a way that will help.” He says. He realises just how fruitless this all was now that he’s reached this barrier. The pain is exquisite. He wants to die. 

Or maybe that’s just Xin Mo’s influence. 

“Well this is certainly a conundrum.” Tianlang-jun leans back, “What do you think Zuzhi?”

“A conundrum.” The snake agrees.

“Crossing worlds is no joke.” Tianlang-jun says grandly like he has intimate experience with it and has crossed countless worlds. Maybe he has. Shen Qingqiu doesn’t care, “Xin Mo is also not to be taken lightly, ah you’re quite interesting aren’t you? I feel rather sorry for this whole situation.” With the one working arm that he has he strokes his chin in a way that’s likely meant to look wise. “What to do, what to do.”

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t know what to do. All motivation has bled out of him and he feels like a hollow shell of nothing. He’s useless. Worse than useless. It’s been seven months. Seven months. When he qi-deviated it was early Autumn. It will be spring now. Spring on Qing Jing. 

Qingge with flower petals caught in his hair, eyes crinkled up in a rare smile, a healthy flush on his face from the last remnants of winter’s winds. 

Shen Qingqiu wants to throw up. 

How did Qingge spend the winter? Was he warm? Was he safe? Was he unhurt? 

“Hello? Hello? Zuzhi, why don’t you give our companion a poke. They seem a little lost.”

Shen Qingqiu caught the hand that reached out for him before it could make contact. 

“Don’t touch me.” His voice comes out disgustingly wet. He hates it. 

“Ah don’t despair completely.” Tianalng-jun says, spreading his arms out wide, “Take it from me! All hope can be lost and salvation can still be found! Why, just two days ago I was trapped under a mountain.” He laughs a gross croaky sound. Like a frog. 

“Is there any way for me to wield Xin Mo without losing my mind?” Shen Qingqiu asks. 

Tianlang-jun looks curious, “Have you already tried it?”

Shen Qingqiu needs to keep the memories of how terrible it was fresh lest he let himself slip into thinking he can do it again. Arrogance and foolishness dog him, he thinks he can feel their breath on the back of his neck. He wants to die. Or maybe that’s just Xin Mo. 

“I won’t do it again.”

“Wise decision.” Tianlang-jun says grandly, “Why the old sword is trying it on me right now. “Do you want revenge? Let me make you powerful.” Pah.” He waves a hand carelessly, “Of course I want revenge, and I’m already powerful. What do you think, Zuzhi?”

“Junshang is right.”

“When I take my pleasure it’ll be on my own terms.” Tianlang-jun says with a smile. It looks very wrong on his face. Like a child drew it on. 

“What can I do?”

Tianlang-jun shrugs, “I’m really not sure. I’ve never been the greatest academic and I think this may turn out to be one of those problems. You’re not even a cultivator are you?”

“No.”

“Then how in the heavens have you used this beast before?” Tianlang-jun pats Xin Mo like it's an unruly dog. 

“It used me.” Shen Qingqiu says without artifice. 

“That certainly makes sense. It’s an ambitious one isn’t it?” Tianlang-jun laughs before becoming considering again, “What about if we broke off a little piece and gave it to you? Maybe it would be less noisy if it was smaller?”

Shen Qingqiu stares at him. 

Zuzhi-lang stares at him. 

“I think it’s a good idea.” Tianlang-jun decides. “Let me do it.”

He picks up Xin Mo and it immediately starts to move, or maybe it’s not moving. It’s hard to say. Something about it makes it hard to look at directly. 

“Zuzhi, help me hold it.” Tianlang-jun commands, “Nasty little thing isn’t it?”

Zuzhi-lang holds the hilt and immediately the smell of burning flesh becomes clear. Somehow the demon’s face doesn’t change as Xin Mo makes a concerted effort to burn his hands clean off.

“Keep a hold of it Zuzhi.” Tianlang-jun calls like he’s asking his nephew to keep ahold of a horse’s reins, “I’ve almost got it.”

There’s a spike of qi, Tianlang-jun’s hands clench down and then there’s a wail that doesn’t sound much like metal breaking. It sounds too human for that. 

“Got it!” Tianlang-jun triumphantly holds up a shard of metal. It’s pulsing and releasing little tendrils of demonic qi but he waves it around a little as though it’s nothing more than a smoking piece of paper and before long it becomes inert. 

Tianlang-jun knocks Xin Mo proper out of his nephew's hands onto the ground and focuses on the small shard he’s currently holding. “I think that worked.” He declares. “Should we try it? What do you think Zuzhi?”

The snake demon’s hands are blackened with burnt flesh but he nods easily, “Good idea Junshang.”

Tianlang-jun swipes the shard through the air and a tear does appear. It’s very small and Tianlang-jun gives it a rather dubious look before poking his finger through. “Well I think it worked.” He declares, “It’s definitely less powerful.” He laughs at that. 

He then throws it at Shen Qingqiu who catches on instinct. His mind doesn’t get any noisier on touching the metal so he supposes Tianlang-jun is right. 

He stands. 

“You’re going to go now?” Tianlang-jun seems surprised but that fades quickly into something approaching excitement, “I like your initiative.” He laughs, “I bet you have a real beauty waiting for you at home.”

Shen Qingqiu ignores that but something catches on one of the jagged pieces in his mind and clings there. He looks at Tianlang-jun, “Are you going to kill everyone?”

Tianlang-jun makes a noncommittal noise, “The Great Sects certainly, I’ll see where I go from there.”

“Don’t kill Liu Qingge.” Shen Qingqiu says, mouth moving without his conscious input. 

“Oh? Did he save your life once upon a time?” Tianlang-jun asks, he doesn’t wait for an answer, “Ah he’s already dead, didn’t you hear?”

“What?”

“He’s dead.” Tianlang-jun repeats. 

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t know when he moved but suddenly his hands are around Tianlang-jun’s throat and the man is laughing rather than any more appropriate reaction. 

“HE’S NOT DEAD.” That careful dam in his mind breaks apart, “HE’S NOT.”

“I didn’t know this would be such a sore spot.” Tianlang-jun prises his hands easily off his throat, none the worse for wear, and shares a raised eyebrow with his nephew, “Liu Qingge has been dead for… maybe two months? Oh I don’t know. It was a bit of news when it happened, Zuzhi told me about it.”

Qingge isn’t dead. Shen Qingqiu refuses to believe it. 

Qingge is dead. Shen Qingqiu just doesn’t want to believe it. 

He’s dead. He’ll be going back to his corpse. He’s always known it. This isn’t even his world but he knows he’ll return to the news of his death. He’ll have died horribly. Qingge will be dead and Shen Qingqiu will have been too far away to do anything. He hates himself. 

Tianlang-jun pushes him back. Quite gently all things considered but Shen Qingqiu stumbles anyway. 

Before the other can say anything he swipes the shard of Xin Mo through the air and physically bullies his way through the tiny tear. 

If they say anything at his leaving he doesn’t register it. 

*

The first world is wrong. The second is wrong. The fifth is wrong. The seventh is wrong. 

Shen Qingqiu has a recurring nightmare that he is trapped in a house. It wasn’t a special house and nothing about it looked outwardly sinister. He would wander the rooms looking for windows that kept disappearing and a main door that couldn’t be found. The house would seem logical and he would follow the corridors to where the main doorway should be and it wouldn’t be there. Then he would turn and find himself back where he started. He would become more and more frantic, pressing at the walls and shaking the pillars until he eventually woke up. 

Once Qingge had been the one to wake him from that dream. He didn’t do it on purpose. He had shifted in his sleep and nudged Shen Qingqiu who had always been a light sleeper. Shen Qingqiu had been trapped in the house and then his eyes were open and the dream horror was being crushed under the weight of reality. He had looked over at a sleeping Liu Qingge and felt an absurd rush of gratefulness that almost paralysed him. Because of Qingge he would never be alone again. He could wake him right now and have someone to talk to. Even now, in the middle of the night. 

Shen Qingqiu had reached across, fingers a bare cun from Qingge’s face, before he brought his hand back. Let him sleep. Why wake him for Shen Qingqiu’s own embarrassing neuroses. The gratefulness faded the further away sleep was and soon the idea of waking Qingge to talk seemed like nothing more than insanity. 

If Qingge had woken on his own in that moment, the moment he had inadvertently dragged Shen Qingqiu from a nightmare, he thinks he would have told him anything. He would have described the house and how awful it was and how scared he had felt and how long he had been having the same dream. He would have given it all to Qingge for the way his brow would have furrowed in concern and how he would ask, “Are you alright?”

The moment faded and the night was over soon enough. Liu Qingge didn’t need to hear about his nightmares. It would be nothing more than self-gratuitous. 

Shen Qingqiu feels keenly that he’s trapped in that same nightmare now. Only it’s real and he’s not going to be able to wake up and forget it. To use Xin Mo one has to picture where they want to go and he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him but he seems entirely unable to do that. He’ll think of Qing Jing and his Bamboo House and Qingge’s face and rip his way into another unfamiliar world. He doesn’t understand what’s wrong with him. What is he lacking in this specific situation? Why is he so unable to do this? To do this one most important thing? 

He hates himself. 

On the tenth jump he gives up. 

He lies on his back on the dirty ground and stares up at a sky that isn’t his own. Xin Mo is pulsing in his palm. His body feels like he’s put it through a meat grinder. 

Is there a point in going back now? It’s already been nine months. If he goes back and Qingge is dead then what’s the point? He can’t go back to his old life if his body no longer exists and even if Qingge is still alive he won’t be able to get him back. Maybe it’s just better to stop trying. Maybe it’s better to-

Shen Qingqiu’s hand clenched around the shard of Xin Mo, an unconscious movement, and the action sliced open his palm. It hurt. A sharp clarifying kind of pain. 

He flings the piece away. 

How dare he. How dare he. He was really thinking of not going back? Of giving up? How could he? How could he? He feels ill but doesn’t let himself throw up. There’s something wrong with him, wrong with his mind at least because when did he become this pathetic faithless creature? How could he even consider taking the cowards way out? Maybe Qingge is dead. If he’s dead he’ll avenge him. He’ll make sure he had a good burial and he’ll avenge him and he won’t let anyone forget him. 

If he’s alive then he’ll get him back. He’s faced worse odds before. This body lacks cultivation and also lacks a secondary dynamic but he’s faced worse. He’ll get him back and apologise for leaving and no matter what state Qingge is in he’ll spend the rest of whatever life this body has in it making up for his absence. Emotion is useless without action. 

Somehow, between the first jump and the eleventh, Shen Qingqiu has become exactly the kind of wilting figure he hates. Leaving things up to chance or fate or the Heavens? Stupid! Qingge is his responsibility and he might as well damn himself to hell now if he gives up. 

Shen Qingqiu stands. His legs shake. He can’t remember the last time he ate. He can’t remember the last time he slept. This body is mortal so why is he already flinging himself into the grave? How selfish is he? Faithless, small-minded fool. 

He walks over to the shard of Xin Mo and puts it in the qiankun pouch. It’s already been nine months, Qingge can wait for him to have one meal and one night of sleep. In fact the other would surely encourage it. 

Shen Qingqiu turns to walk in the direction of the nearest town.

*

Later in the inn room he considers why he can’t seem to open a portal to the right place. 

It’s a painful train of thought and he feels like a failure, but he has to think about it. He won’t let himself bury his head in the sand. 

There are two possibilities: the first is that he’s not using Xin Mo correctly. Somehow he’s not thinking the right way, the way that he needs to think, in order to use it. He tries hard to picture Qing Jing right now, sitting on an inn bed with Xin Mo tucked away, and has difficulty with the endeavour. He tries to think about Qingge and the memories bleed out of his hands too quickly for him to keep a hold of. He tries harder and finds himself only about to think about him being dead or so horribly hurt it would be better if he was dead. Is that a side effect of Xin Mo or is his natural pessimism damning him? He can’t quite tell. 

The second possibility which is a more logistical one is that this shard is not strong enough to be able to get him where he needs to go. So far every world Shen Qingqiu has been to has been without secondary genders. It feels like he’s gotten stuck in a particular volume of a book when he needs to jump shelves entirely. 

Both issues are not easy ones to deal with but neither are insurmountable. After all, he’s been through worse where the odds were ever more stacked against him. 

Shen Qingqiu lies down on the bed and stares up at the low wooden ceiling. He’s tired but too worked up to sleep. He’d forgotten how it felt to be mortal and to need sleep and food and all the rest. He’s been just as much of a careless idiot as he was always criticising Qingge for being. Qingge would do terribly if he was suddenly mortal. He would try to hit things and be surprised when they don’t splinter under his hands. He would definitely forget to eat or sleep. He would forget all kinds of things. 

But if he was mortal Shen Qingqiu thinks he would do a better job of taking care of him. If he was more visibly delicate he thinks he might be able to tread softer. He now regrets every argument they’ve ever had. Every unkind word he’s ever said. Every time he made Qingge forgive him because he’s a mean and inherently difficult person. 

Shen Qingqiu shifts onto his side and curls up. 

He’ll have a lot to make up for when he returns. He’ll apologise properly with not a hint of doublespeak or reluctance because pride is useless when it comes to Qingge and he can’t believe he was ever so insecure. Qingge always said it was fine and he wasn’t lying because he doesn’t lie but that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. Qingge is so easy, too easy, and it infuriates Shen Qingqiu because how can someone in such a weak position not learn to play games? He needs to manipulate Shen Qingqiu, he needs to play coy and work on him and cultivate his feelings and harbour resentments he can turn against him but he doesn’t and Shen Qingqiu still can’t think of anyone else. He’s too honest and too straightforward and he says things to Shen Qingqiu sometimes that make him want to strangle him. Shen Qingqiu doesn’t understand why he can’t ever play it safe, but that’s because he’s come to realise he and Liu Qingge are very different people on a much deeper level than he could have ever conceived of. 

When Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge were still disciples they had been sent on a diplomatic venture to another Sect. Well, it was more accurate to say that Shen Qingqiu had been sent and Liu Qingge was “encouraged” by the scummy incumbent Lord of Qing Jing to tag along. Shen Qingqiu knew the second he saw his Shizun smile that it wouldn’t be good but… it had been so long since Qingge had left the Sect and he knew he missed it. Shen Qingqiu had clipped his wings but he wouldn’t trap him on Qing Jing with no proper company. Who did Qingge talk to when he wasn’t there? No one. He hated that. 

Qingge was in the most technical sense allowed to still have Cheng Luan but Shen Qingqiu wasn’t confident enough in his own power yet to let it be known openly how permissive he was and open them up to criticism. So of course Qingge had rode Xiu Ya with him. 

It was nice having company. Shen Qingqiu had been concerned at the beginning that he would quickly begin to resent Liu Qingge for always being there and preventing him from having any time alone but that fear turned out to be completely unfounded. Having someone around all the time was nice. He never grew to resent Qingge for breaking his bubble, he always got more than he gave. 

The Sect he was attending on Cang Qiong’s behalf wasn’t big but it was wealthy, generational wealth built on the backs of the neighbouring villages that the Sect accepted taxes from in exchange for their protection. Shen Qingqiu had already known that Cang Qiong was one of the only Sects large and well-established enough to have a rule of not accepting payment from the common people and he had to admit to being particularly smug about that any time he had to spend time in a place like this. 

Liu Qingge had grown up wealthy in a way that meant he was generally unphased by finery. Or maybe that was also just his character, material things didn’t interest him much. Other omegas would apparently whine to their alphas about buying them gifts but Shen Qingqiu had never had Qingge ask for anything. He thinks that maybe it would be easier if Qingge was materialistic.

The main hall of the Sect had a ceiling that was inlaid with precious gems to compliment expertly painted murals. Liu Qingge barely looked at it unlike the greener representatives from other Sects that craned their necks and whispered amongst themselves. Shen Qingqiu also didn’t look, but that was because he used disdain as a wall and awe tended to crack that. 

The Sect Leader was a tall yet willowy woman. Her mate was a shorter man who Shen Qingqiu supposed could be considered pretty in the right light if one had never seen Qingge before. He was vastly unimpressed. 

They were to spend two nights in the Sect and Shen Qingqiu wasn’t looking forward to it even with Qingge by his side to share eye-rolls and pointed commentary with. 

The first night was uneventful. Everyone got far too drunk and made all kinds of distasteful comments and Shen Qingqiu had never been happier to have Liu Qingge there. Someone had challenged him and he had made a stellar example of them, they would certainly heal but never move right again. He hated Qingge having to experience this and resented his Shizun for sending them out here. Winning a challenge was meant to make an alpha feel triumphant and an omega feel flattered. People made ribald jokes and the other omegas whispered comments to an ever stoic Qingge about how good it was going to be in bed that night. Stupid. Shen Qingqiu could only look at Qingge after every win and wonder if he felt like nothing more than a cut of meat at a market to be bartered over. 

The second night was worse. There was more drinking and talking and Qingge looked both bored out of his skull and also irritated beyond belief at the same time, though he had gotten much better at schooling his expression since he had presented. Over the years Shen Qingqiu had made a game of seeing how many times he could poke him in a row before the other would poke back. Qingge’s patience was growing and his current breaking point was forty-six pokes. 

He was on thirty-two pokes and they were currently standing, trapped in an awfully tedious conversation with the Sect’s second, when there was a clatter. It seemed that the Sect leader’s mate, in their drunken state, had spilled their cup of wine all over both the Sect leader and one of the guests. Without a second thought the Sect leader grabbed him by his collar and backhanded him, once and then twice. 

“Apologies for my mate.” She told the guest. 

Qingge watched it with eyes wide. His mouth was a little open and his posture signalled that he was going to move; forward to the other omega or backwards into the safety of Shen Qingqiu’s bubble? Anger would obviously win and what would that mean? 

Shen Qingqiu made the choice for him, he hooked an arm around Qingge’s waist and pulled him close, out of anyone’s reach because his hackles had been raised and his instincts unsettled by the casual violence as much as he should be beyond it. Qingge is an omega. He remembers thinking. Almost wild with it. Do they dare think he can be touched like that?

Shen Qingqiu had hid behind his fan so no one could see the way his teeth were bared and said in a voice, just pitched high enough to carry through the quiet room, “My, what a garish display. Some alphas truly do not possess any sense of dignity if that kind of discipline is considered acceptable for polite company.” His voice was as scathing as he could make it. 

The Sect leader heard of course and looked at him. Shen Qingqiu met her gaze. He could kill her, he had thought, he had enough talismans on him and he hadn’t been indulging in alcohol like the others in the room. If they fought he would win. He had won against much harder opponents. He could kill her. 

They had held eye contact until she had broken it. “My sincere apologies for any offence, it was not intended.” 

Liu Qingge was stiff in Shen Qingqiu’s grasp. 

Shen Qingqiu let the apology marinate, he let the atmosphere become cloying and uncomfortable. He let her dart her gaze back to his and then away again. He let her wait. She was still holding her mate by the collar. 

“This master supposes other places cannot be truly held to the same… standards as home.” He had turned back to the Second then and restarted their tedious conversation. 

The rest of the room followed suit. 

Qingge was scowling when they went back to their rooms and since Shen Qingqiu had already warned him not to talk openly while they were in a foreign Sect on the journey over, he had stayed silent. If they could have spoken about it… what would either of them have said? 

“I won’t hit you.” Sounds trite and obvious. “I won’t hurt you.” Is an impossible promise to keep. “I won’t ever do that to you.” Didn’t feel like the right thing. 

Shen Qingqiu wants to live in a world where Liu Qingge never knew that kind of violence was an acceptable option at all. He wants to live in a world where Qingge never expects to be hit by Shen Qingqiu because it’s not something he can conceive of, not that his mate specifically does not like to hit him and therefore does not. 

When Liu Qingge’s presentation heat was nearing its end and he was dropping into exhausted unconsciousness Shen Qingqiu had experienced a moment of ice-water clarity. He had looked at this person that he now for all intents and purposes owned and thought that he had just made the biggest mistake of his life. He and Liu Qingge did not like each other. No matter how amorous the other was when in the throes of heat or how much he said he wanted Shen Qingqiu, that was just nature. Shen Qingqiu was like every other slick-drunk alpha, knocked under by scent and a slave to instinct. He had thought himself lucid when Liu Qingge wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him closer and asking him to bite. However he obviously wasn’t. 

They didn’t even like each other. The time they had spent together they argued more than spoke. Liu Qingge infuriated him in a way that made him want to beat the other to a pulp. How could Shen Qingqiu now have full rights to do just that with no oversight? He didn’t trust himself. 

When Liu Qingge woke from sleep he looked for Shen Qingqiu immediately where he was sitting on the other side of the campfire he had built. He’d laid Liu Qingge down on a bed roll, wiping the other down as best he could and recoiling at the marks he himself had made, before retreating to what felt like a safe distance. 

“Shen Qingqiu.” Liu Qingge’s voice had been a little hoarse. 

“Liu Qingge.” 

They had stared at each other and then Liu Qingge was sitting up fully before pushing himself to stand. He was walking with a limp because of what Shen Qingqiu had done to him. Why was he still coming closer? 

He walked up to Shen Qingqiu and then sat down next to him. 

“I presented as an omega?” He had asked, his voice still hoarse. 

“Yes.”

When Shen Qingqiu looked at him his eyes had been closed. 

I’m sorry. Shen Qingqiu had thought and for once he really did mean it. It was rare that he could measure himself to others and find them in a worse position. Liu Qingge… Shen Qingqiu thought he would rather die than be him at that moment. 

If we break the bond it will take a few months to fade but should be straightforward enough. 

That was what Shen Qingqiu should have said. The words stayed stuck in his throat. He didn’t know how to spit them out. 

“You’re my alpha.” Liu Qingge’s voice was smoother now.

“Yes.”

Liu Qingge hadn’t said anything else in response and Shen Qingqiu, for once, also had nothing to say. 

Shen Qingqiu had returned to Qing Jing and Liu Qingge had come with him and that was that. 

If Liu Qingge had asked to break the bond he would have done it. If Liu Qingge had asked to be taken again right there by the campfire he would have done it. If Liu Qingge had asked him to bring him to the Liu estate he would have done it. 

If Liu Qingge had kissed him then he would have kissed back. 

Liu Qingge always gets what he wants, he always wins, and Shen Qingqiu hates himself for even thinking that because he’d seen up close in gory detail every hurt and humiliation Qingge has been dealt over their years together. How can he still be bitter? How does he still have the capacity for jealousy? How small minded is he? How can he protect Liu Qingge so judiciously from everyone and anything apart from his own thoughts? 

Shen Qingqiu never knew what to do with him. He can admit that now. He never intended to have a mate and he knew the second he bit down and tasted Liu Qingge’s blood in his mouth that he wouldn’t be good at it. The only care he’s ever been practised at is aggression laced and revenge based. Liu Qingge needs more than that. He needs better than that. He’s worth so much more than Shen Qingqiu’s best and Shen Qingqiu fails to reach his own expectations most of the time. 

Shen Qingqiu has gotten more than he’s given in this deal which should make it optimal but it mostly just makes him feel wrong if he considers it too long. Loving Liu Qingge is terrifying the same way that being intoxicated is; he’s always on the edge of saying too much, saying the wrong thing, baring himself completely and driving Qingge away which is only made worse by the fact that he can’t leave. 

Liu Qingge doesn’t have a choice whether or not to like him. He has no choice but to be grateful for Shen Qingqiu’s petty insufficient kindness because it’s analogous to survival for him. Shen Qingqiu has lived that life before. He knows and he hates that he’s the kind of person who has fallen into this so easily. 

He hates that he’d gotten attached because he thinks that if Qingge did have enough of him and tried to leave he wouldn’t let him. He would take Qingge’s hatred if it meant he could keep him and it’s the most terrifying thing he can imagine. He knows what others think about him and he is fine with being that person as long as it’s only fiction. 

If Qingge told him no, would he be able to accept it? He wants to think that he would. He would because he’s not one of those alphas, one of those people, one of those owners. He’s different and Qingge knows that, doesn’t he? Alphas have a wide bay of discretion in how they want to act in their dominance and Shen Qingqiu wasn’t someone who would luxuriate in Qingge’s suffering. But even if he was… even if he was, Qingge wouldn’t say no because he’s the perfect omega who understands his place and doesn’t seem to openly or even subtly dislike it most days in all the ways Shen Qingqiu knows to watch for. And does that mean that Shen Qingqiu isn’t truly alpha enough for him? Does that mean he’s doing this all wrong?

Keep your sword, leave when you want, do what you want as long as you’re discrete. Maybe he shouldn’t have done that. Maybe if he treated Qingge like a traditional omega the other would be happier, more satisfied. Maybe Qingge would like to be pushed down and patronised and used. Maybe he only did it because his Shizun would look Qingge up and down and tell him gently that the set of his shoulders wasn’t quite omegan enough or the look on his face was a tad too aggressive. 

Shen Qingqiu felt every one of those useless critiques like they were directed at him which in many ways they were. It was never about Qingge, it was about him. His piece of shit Shizun didn’t truly care if Qingge was “sufficiently serving him during his rut” as they had asked over tea just between the two of them once. They only knew that the question made him want to hit them and they revelled in that, in using Qingge as another way to poke and prod at a vulnerable underbelly that was now impossible to hide. 

Qingge would always frown and look at Shen Qingqiu as if a single word from him confirming or denying the critique would be enough for him to change. Change how? Change what? Change into what? He was already an omega no matter what expression he wore and undoubtedly the most objectively beautiful person most would have the pleasure of ever seeing. The rules that people used to dictate how an omega, or an alpha, should look were simply more shackles. Shen Qingqiu had no patience for it even if Liu Qingge seemed to consider the rules carefully and turn to him for guidance on which he should follow since of course it was an omega’s job to please their alpha first and foremost. 

It was a power he never asked for and was scared of wielding. In many ways Shen Qingqiu had simply been unsuited for ownership. Maybe there was something to his low background because owning Liu Qingge didn’t feel good, it only felt wrong, and those brief occasions when it did feel good felt too good and unsettled him all over again. If he was born a little Lord then perhaps it would have come naturally, he would be able to push and pull and amend and preen Qingge to his own tastes with nary a second thought. Would Qingge have liked that? Would he have enjoyed the attention as his nature dictated he should? If he didn’t like it could he even say? 

How can Qingge be genuine if Shen Qingqiu is his whole world? How can he be honest if the consequences could be so severe? How can he like Shen Qingqiu when he has no choice in hating him?

How can he ever feel safe with him if he knows Shen Qingqiu could hit him in front of an entire room full of guests the same way that Sect leader had done and have no one protest? 

Shen Qingqiu has run his tongue over the back teeth of these fundamental questions again and again and again with no resolution. 

He does it again now when he’s further away from Qingge than he’s ever been before and still finds no answers. 

*

The twelfth world is wrong. But it’s also the closest he’s ever been. 

It’s a world with secondary genders. 

Shen Qingqiu walks amongst the people in this obscure mountain settlement and for the first time in a very long time feels some familiarity. He’s getting closer. He’s in the right volume at least. He’s switched shelves. 

His book metaphor is stupid and he needs to shut himself up. 

He can’t believe he was so close to giving up not long ago. He looks back on that version of himself with almost horrified fascination. What a hypocrite. He might as well be Yue Qingyuan. 

Inevitably the thought darkens his mood. 

There’s a lot that muddies the waters between him and the venerable Yue Qingyuan. Their shared past for one and the broken promise to rescue him certainly, but that all pales in the face of a more recent and deeper betrayal. 

When Shen Qingqiu was still a disciple, after Liu Qingge, he had woken up after a hard challenge with the taste of blood in his mouth and Qingge sleeping in a chair next to his bed because he was the one that took care of him no matter how terrible he had been at it at first, and realised that there was a very distinct possibility that he might die. 

He hadn’t spoken properly to Yue Qingyuan since that disastrous time he had come over to visit and had been unable to look Liu Qingge in the eye. Somehow that, more than anything else, had humiliated Qingge enough that his new status and place in the world had somehow clicked for him. He had been almost shellshocked for the rest of the day even after Yue Qingyuan left, hesitant and strangely reticent and confused by his own actions and instincts where previously everything came naturally. 

Shen Qingqiu, for the first time, found himself faced by another version of Liu Qingge. A version that he could easily be with only a few nudges. A version that would likely be easier to deal with than the one he’d had so far who liked to pick fights and ask to spar and acted in all ways himself even within the bounds of propriety. 

It had been unnerving to be faced by an unconfident Qingge even for a single evening, one that seemed to realise that omegas were meant to be soft and quiet and deferent and those weren’t qualities he naturally possessed. Humility didn’t sit right on him and Shen Qingqiu had also instinctively hated it. Maybe if they hadn't known each other as disciples first, if Qingge had been some random person in that field of flowers with no expectations on his personality it wouldn’t have grated so much. Or maybe it still would still have. Shen Qingqiu hates those who are humble, it reeks of deception. A Liu Qingge who lived at his feet would only ever stab him in his sleep. Shen Qingqiu has had to fake it before and knows just how much the mind and mouth are disconnected. 

If Liu Qingge serves him he’ll hate him. If he lets Liu Qingge kneel for him Shen Qingqiu will only ever lose him, cun by cun. 

Or maybe that’s only his own bias. Everyone says omegas like to serve. Everyone says omegas feel best when receiving orders from their alpha but Shen Qingqiu has never believed it. Alpha or omega or beta, everyone is human. Maybe Shen Qingqiu treats Liu Qingge all wrong because everything he does is based on his own skewed picture of the world. The freedom, the arguments, the conversations are the only way Shen Qingqiu can think of preventing Liu Qingge from hating him but what does he know? Liu Qingge isn’t him. 

The other could be so happy as a pampered omega who lives within the four closed walls of their courtyard and subsists on delicate and patronising care. If that’s what Liu Qingge wants then Shen Qingqiu has done a spectacularly poor job of giving it to him. 

That night following Yue Qingyuan’s visit Shen Qingqiu had watched in horror as Liu Qingge tried being “better”. When it became too much he had kicked him in the shin and told him not to be so fragile and then goaded him into an argument until they were screaming at each other about something entirely useless, the correct way to slay a seven-eyed basilisk or something equally as inane. 

In the middle of the fight they’d started kissing and Liu Qingge had regained his usual lack of manners by the time his clothes were off. 

Shen Qingqiu hadn’t spoken to Yue Qingyuan since then on anything substantive that wasn’t to do with Sect business no matter how hard the other had tried, seeming to understand that he had erred but unable in this occasion (as in any occasion) to address how. Don’t apologise to me! Don’t cite propriety! Spar with Liu Qingge! Apologise to him. I don’t speak for him and I don’t own him and I hate you because you don’t know me at all. 

That day after waking up with bruised ribs and someone else’s blood under his nails, he had shifted Qingge off him and nudged him back to his own bed. Shen Qingqiu had told him he had to meet his Shizun because he knew it would make Qingge wrinkle his nose and not ask a single other question. 

He had then gone to Qiong Ding Peak. 

He had hidden out of sight, waiting for Yue Qingyuan to be alone, because what he was planning to do was humiliating for himself but most of all for Qingge and he couldn’t have anyone knowing.

Finally Yue Qingyuan retired back to his own rooms. 

Shen Qingqiu snuck in through the window. 

He hadn’t bothered to greet him properly, just slapped some privacy talismans on the walls and gotten right to the point. 

“If I die in a challenge I need you to challenge for Qingge and mate with him.”

Yue Qingyuan had looked shocked at his arrival and then even more shocked at what he had said. 

“Shen-shidi-”

“Please.” Shen Qingqiu lowered himself to beg when he promised he would never beg again. Especially not for aid from this man. “It won’t be forever, you can take him back to his family and be his alpha in name only, no one would hurt him if he had your protection. Please.”

Yue Qingyuan’s face did something complicated under its placid mask and then he shook his head, “Shen-shidi, that’s-”

“Please.” Shen Qingqiu repeated, “If you ever cared about me at all. If you want to make everything up to me, then please. You can keep him safe, please do it.” There. Right there he had ripped himself open, put the most vulnerable parts of himself onto a plate and given them to Yue Qingyuan for perusal. 

He was using their past history and the guilt he knew the other still harboured to manipulate him but he didn’t care. He would say whatever Yue Qingyuan wanted and do whatever he wanted if only he would say yes. 

The thought of Liu Qingge with anyone else, even Yue Qingyuan, made Shen Qingqiu see nothing but red, taste nothing but blood, but if he cares so much shouldn’t he do something real about it? Emotion is useless without action. 

Yue Qingyuan is not a cruel man and he’s more than the strongest cultivator of their generation. He could keep Qingge safe. With him Qingge could still live a good life. Qingge likes him at least, even with all Yue Qingyuan’s awkwardness the last time they met it hadn’t soured Qingge’s perception of him completely. Shen Qingqiu can be sure that Yue Qingyuan won’t treat Qingge like most noble alphas do their omegas, he won’t beat him or bully him or push him down and he’ll let him go back to his family and never demand too much. 

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t trust Yue Qingyuan but he distrusts everyone else even more. And besides, Shen Qingqiu knows the truth: Shen Jiu was always worthless and mean and it was no surprise he was abandoned. Yue Qingyuan did nothing shocking by not coming back, by moving on and forgetting. In fact, one could say that he made the right decision even if it was selfish and isn't everyone selfish at their core? Besides, even after what he did, Yue Qingyuan is certainly still better than Shen Qingqiu and therefore he knows that his bitterness is hypocritical. He can play at righteous fury but he is not a righteous man so it never sticks. 

Qingge is nothing like Shen Jiu. Qingge is always always logically worth keeping from every conceivable angle. If Yue Qingyuan is self-interested, and Shen Qingqiu thinks he must be, then he knows this and he will never betray Liu Qingge the way he betrayed Shen Jiu. Shen Qingqiu does not trust him with himself, but maybe maybe, he can trust him with Qingge when the other options are too horrible to think of. 

Yue Qingyuan’s expression was the most open Shen Qingqiu had seen in a long time but that meant nothing, there was still an infuriating blankness to it. He didn’t speak for a long time and there they stayed in this suspended agony before finally: “Shen-shidi, this shixiong does not think that is a wise idea-”

He didn’t need to finish. It was a no. Of course it was a no. Why had Shen Qingqiu asked? Why had he tried? He hated himself but he hated Yue Qingyuan even more. 

“Never speak to me again.” He had managed to spit out, somehow heartbroken even after everything, gods he was such a fool. “Go die.”

It was a childish insult but he felt like a child then. Worthless and pitiful and lowering himself for nothing. Begging and finding that his humiliation and even his honest feelings, both things that he had been beyond loathe to use over his life but lowered himself to because they worked, were no longer worth anything. 

He left Qiong Ding and went back to Qing Jing. 

When he re-entered their house Qingge came out of his room and something in expression must have been dire because he got that furrow of concern in his brow. “Are you alright?”

Shen Qingqiu looked at Liu Qingge and felt emotion, huge and overwhelming, choke him. 

I’m sorry. He had thought suddenly. I’m sorry you’re stuck with me and I’m sorry I can never apologise for that out loud. 

“Was your Shizun difficult?” Liu Qingge asked because Shen Qingqiu had lied to him about where he was going and of course he had believed him with no reservation.

“Yes.” Shen Qingqiu said, out of a lack of other things to say. It would just be more lies and he didn’t care about lying usually but right now he wanted to go to bed and not have to open his eyes ever again. 

Liu Qingge didn’t ask any more questions because he was Liu Qingge and that meant he was the easiest person to be around in the whole world. Maybe he stayed with Shen Qingqiu because he could see how pathetic he was and he felt sorry for him. If that was the case Shen Qingqiu didn’t even care. As long as he stayed he could think whatever he wanted, could denigrate him in his mind as much as he liked, as long as he never left. He was so pathetic and in front of Liu Qingge he couldn’t even hold onto a sense of shame or logic. He was always too weak and too emotional and making too many bad decisions. 

Shen Qingqiu’s hand made an aborted move in Qingge’s direction before dropping but that seemed to be enough. Thank the heavens it was enough. 

Qingge crossed the room and pulled Shen Qingqiu into a hug. It was the most comfortable embrace in the world. Shen Qingqiu had never felt so safe. He had never felt so good. He wanted to be able to live here forever in Qingge’s hold where he could be weak and never have to feel useless. He wanted to take care of Qingge and take his payment in his arms forever. 

Forget Yue Qingyuan. Forget his scummy Shizun and opportunistic fellow disciples and the whole world outside this room. Shen Qingqiu could leave Cang Qiong behind and if he got to keep this then he would be content. He needed nothing more than Qingge’s simple acceptance, he wanted nothing more than the other to be happy. He wanted to make someone else happy but not because there was a sword hanging over his head, he wanted to want it. 

In the twelfth world Shen Qingqiu eats a meal, sleeps a night, and then wakes up to try again. 

*

He gets closer and then further away again. His mental state fluctuates accordingly. It’s hard to believe sometimes as he passes through all these different worlds that they truly are different worlds. Shen Qingqiu wonders if on a different version of Cang Qiong, one without secondary genders like some of the worlds he’s passed through, he and Liu Qingge still managed to find their way to each other. He doesn’t think it’s likely.

He could go looking for it, but he never does. What is he trying to prove anyway?

But in those worlds, the ones where Qingge isn’t an omega because they don’t exist, what would that be like? What would Liu Qingge, Lord of Bai Zhan Peak look like? Would he blush the same? Would he fight the same? Would he laugh the same? Would he lean into Shen Qingqiu’s side the same? Would he like Shen Qingqiu the same?

Would Shen Qingqiu like him the same?

It’s useless speculation. He has more important things to work on. 

Xin Mo (or rather his shard of Xin Mo) works best when the barriers between different realities are thinnest. It’s logical but it had taken longer for Shen Qingqiu to realise than he wants to admit. When it’s easy he can slice a large enough gash to climb through comfortably enough. When it’s thick and he faces resistance he’s forced to slice and tear and use his hands to physically claw the space open. In this mortal body sometimes it’s impossible and he has to give up. 

There’s also the fact that the more time he spends holding Xin Mo the more influence it can exert on him, even such a small piece with such a limited reach can twist his thoughts. He finds the easiest test for his mental state is to think of Qingge, if suddenly misses bedding him more than anything else then he needs to stow Xin Mo away and wait. Maybe it takes longer this way but the thought of going back only to become the kind of person who will treat Qingge the wrong way is an intolerable thought. 

He may be an alpha, but he’s not one of those alphas. The type that can’t control themselves and forces their partner to serve them in rut as nothing more than a bed slave. The type of alpha everyone thinks he is and yet accepts anyway because as long as cruelty is committed within socially acceptable bounds then no one has anything to say in public. Everyone may denigrate Shen Qingqiu behind closed doors, whispers may follow him, but who has honestly tried to help Qingge in all their years together? 

Certainly not any one of these righteous people he shares a Sect with, who knew Qingge and were friendly with him when they were disciples. Shen Qingqiu hates all of them. They can say whatever they want about him, as long as Qingge’s scent stays steady and comfortable then that’s enough. No matter what people think, no matter what his Shizun wanted to imply to unsettle him, no matter, he’s not one of those alphas that uses their omega as a convenient whore they fortuitously don’t have to pay for. 

Qingge had asked for it. He’d been embarrassed but straightforward. “I can help.” He had said when Shen Qingqiu’s scent deepened, signalling one of the few occasions he would carefully wean himself off suppressants and let nature take its course lest the drugs lose their potency entirely when he started retaking them. This was after Shen Qingqiu had ascended and he and Qingge were living in the bamboo house. 

Shen Qingqiu had even considered it. For only a moment before dismissing the idea completely. The thought of being in rut disgusted him on a deep fundamental level. The loss of control. The aggression and entitlement and everything that would reduce him to nothing more than a slavish animal. 

Qingge wasn’t stupid. When Shen Qingqiu had religiously suppressed his ruts as a disciple he never protested nor asked, he only understood slowly, little by little, the kind of snake’s den Shen Qingqiu had brought him into and the kind of danger they could be in if Shen Qingqiu were the one to lose lucidity. 

Shen Qingqiu was grateful to have presented as an alpha. His life would have been unbearable as an omega and more challenging as a beta. He wasn’t above taking advantage of the inbuilt privilege his secondary gender granted him and being Peak Lord of Qing Jing and an alpha were two facets of himself that slid smoothly against each other. 

Liu Qingge never fit as easily. Having a mate at all didn’t fit and having Qingge even less so. Shen Qingqiu didn’t know what to do with him. He had learnt quickly that he wasn’t inadequate at caring for someone, he could make sure Qingge’s needs were fulfilled; keep him safe, warm and well fed. He could tend to him during his heats when Qingge’s nature demanded it. He could take revenge for him and ensure people thought twice about looking at him the wrong way. Shen Qingqiu considered that good enough, it was difficult for him to conceive of what else could possibly be necessary and Qingge seemed content. His scent never soured with discomfort or wavered with unease. Shen Qingqiu was doing well and it wasn’t as though it was a chore. 

But as the years passed Shen Qingqiu had started to feel his own deficiencies more keenly. He could take care of Qingge but he couldn’t love him the way he should. Qingge’s smile was beautiful, his nature was good, his presence unwaveringly steady, and he had an optimism that made even Shen Qingqiu feel as though the world must have some value to it. So he should because Qingge made everything better, no matter what stupid comments Shen Qingqiu tossed his way during arguments. 

With Liu Qingge there it felt as though someone else was seeing his life from the inside for the first time since Yue Qi, and it felt better than he had ever thought it would. 

“Your peak mates are weird.” 

“Your Shizun is mean.”

“They were rude first.”

“But you didn’t do it.”

“But you didn’t say it.”

“But that’s not even true.”

In Liu Qingge’s bewildered expression Shen Qingqiu had found vindication. He didn’t like to think about what Liu Qingge had found, which was nothing positive. 

If Shen Qingqiu went into rut and pulled Liu Qingge into his bed he would only be taking and giving nothing in return. He hadn’t explained that because he knew Qingge would never understand, or even if he did understand he wouldn’t agree, and Shen Qingqiu thinks that if Liu Qingge did put his mind to convincing him then he may very well eventually erode into acquiescence. 

Qingge knows his own mind, he doesn’t regret and he doesn’t let his own decisions hurt him. But what if this is the one thing? What if, knowing full well, he agrees to share Shen Qingqiu’s rut and it hurts him and changes everything? Shen Qingqiu can trust him to agree and mean it, but can he trust him to mean it after being treated like nothing more than a cheap convenience? 

Shen Qingqiu knows his waters run deep. In his years of life he’s seen and experienced… bad things. How much of that still lingers? If he loses his mind in rut to instinct what is he capable of? 

Anything. He could do anything. Anything that Qiu Jianluo did. Anything that Wu Yanzi did. Anything that he saw on the road or in a brothel or heard from within the closed courtyards of noble estates. His mind is packed to the brim with every indignity humans can inflict on each other, and when in rut he won’t be able to control it. He thinks that if he does anything to Qingge he won’t be able to keep living. 

Everyone says omegas love sharing their alpha’s rut, they crave it even. But “everyone” is other alphas. Shen Qingqiu hates alphas. 

He also hates refusing Liu Qingge but that’s his own neuroses. He’s a man, not a beast. He’s human and therefore he doesn’t need an omega even if he likes having Qingge. 

Can’t those be different things? 

*

When he rips through for the seventy-eighth time (which in reality is just an incalculable nothing number at this point. He doesn’t know why he’s still counting) he lands in the midst of a battle between a Horned Badger Rook and a cultivator that’s backlit by the sun too intensely for him to observe their features at first glance. 

“Get out of the way!” The cultivator shouts. 

Shen Qingqiu throws himself to the side and in the next moment the fight is over. The cultivator shakes the blood off their sword and then turns towards him. 

“Why did you get in the way?” Liu Qingge asks, frowning, “You could have been killed.”

Liu Qingge. 

He had almost forgotten what he looked like in such vivid detail. 

Liu Qingge is tall, his hair is long, his scowl is fierce and his eyes are clear. The hand that holds his sword is steady and the way he plants his feet is sure. 

“Did you hear me?” Liu Qingge presses. 

Shen Qingqiu knows this isn’t his Liu Qingge. He’d known from the moment he saw the person move. 

“I heard you.” 

He looks at the corpse of the beast. He and Qingge had tracked and hunted two Horned Badger Rooks in their time. The first occasion Shen Qingqiu had stopped Qingge from being bisected in his careless enthusiasm. Looking back the scolding he had levelled at him was perhaps a little overdone. Qingge had listened even so and he had said “Sorry for worrying you” because he could read Shen Qingqiu to the core even when Shen Qingqiu didn’t know himself. 

“I’m sorry for getting in the way.” Shen Qingqiu tells this Liu Qingge. 

It’s the first apology he’s giving Liu Qingge, not his Liu Qingge, but there’s something clarifying to it anyway. 

“Where did you come from?” Liu Qingge is still scowling, eying the piece of Xin Mo in his hand that is beginning to calm and stop throbbing like a sluggish organ. Shen Qingqiu puts it back in the qiankun pouch under Liu Qingge’s frown. 

“Another dimension.” Shen Qingqiu answers honestly. 

He’s giddy with looking at Liu Qingge, even if it’s the wrong one. It’s been a year and he missed the sight of his face. He needs to start carrying around a portrait of him like a sappy loser. He needs a lock of his hair that he can hold next to his heart. He needs to honour their companionship completely and fully, forgetting reservations or hesitation. He needs Qingge so much that he needs to stop being afraid of what it can do to him.

“Another dimension?” Liu Qingge doesn’t even sound sceptical, he just sounds flat.  

Shen Qingqiu can’t help it, he laughs. “Are you Liu Qingge?” He asks. 

“Yes.” Liu Qingge’s arms are now crossed and he’s frowning but there’s no edge of apprehension to his posture. 

This is a Qingge who is used to being recognised, who is used to having his name and face and accolades known. Used to respect, used to awe, maybe even used to fear. Shen Qingqiu looks at him and all he can think is good. 

This is obviously a world without secondary genders, Shen Qingqiu can tell by the way Liu Qingge holds himself, by the lack of a thousand tiny behavioural ticks that make up secondary genders even if one is a beta. In a different world maybe Liu Qingge is the alpha Lord of Bai Zhan. Further away he may be a beta. Further further away he may have ascended as an omega. 

At home Shen Qingqiu has somehow been granted access to Qingge in the most vulnerable state the heavens and circumstance could press him into and he’s so lucky to now know that. 

“Are you the Bai Zhan Peak Lord?” Shen Qingqiu asks though he can already tell it’s true. Liu Qingge holds Cheng Luan and he has Bai Zhan’s jade token hanging from his belt. 

“Yes.” Liu Qingge is still eying him somewhat warily but he doesn’t look afraid. Why would he? He’s the most powerful man in the world and who doesn’t know it? 

“I’m trying to get back to my dimension.” Shen Qingqiu tells him, again honestly because he’s intoxicated off the feeling of talking to Qingge again, any Qingge. “I was tossed out of my own body into a different one many dimensions away. I’ve been trying to get back for a whole year.”

It’s not absolution. That couldn’t even be granted by his own Qingge, but he watches the play of emotions on the face of this man who never had to learn to school himself like Shen Qingqiu’s mate did and sees the way the information is understood and accepted. 

I’m loyal and faithful and I keep my promises. Shen Qingqiu feels like telling him, very sincerely. I would never abandon someone who cared for me. 

Liu Qingge brow furrows further but he nods as if that’s the very expected thing to do. Because Qingge is always Qingge even if this isn’t his Qingge. 

Shen Qingqiu thinks that he loves him so much he doesn’t know what to do with the feeling but throw himself on the sword of his own pleasure. When did feeling start to feel so good? Could he have always felt like this? If only he could go back to when Qingge woke up by the campfire, he would have gone to his knees and told him he loved him. Qingge would blush and maybe squawk a protest but Shen Qingqiu could brush his hair behind his ear and tell him “I fell at our first kiss” and Qingge’s mouth would clack shut in shock. If Shen Qingqiu could go back to then with what he knows now it would be a disaster, he’d certainly humiliate himself. It’s a very stupid fantasy but one that engenders warmth into him. 

Liu Qingge seems to struggle with how to respond to Shen Qingqiu’s declaration, “Good luck.” He says. 

“Thank you.” Shen Qingqiu keeps staring at him, drinking him in, “Do you know where the nearest town is to here?”

He already knows this isn’t the right world but he wants and needs to eat and rest. His Qingge would want that. He always accommodates Shen Qingqiu’s desire to eat, no matter the practicality of inedia, and on the nights Shen Qingqiu really can’t sleep he’ll sit and stay awake with him. When it’s very very bad he’ll put his head in Shen Qingqiu’s lap and let Shen Qingqiu’s pet his hair until he’s somewhat soothed. 

Liu Qingge eyes him up and down before he pulls Cheng Luan out and steps onto it, “I’ll take you.”

Qingge is always Qingge. There’s no one better. Shen Qingqiu knows that, he’s always known that even when he was a selfish awful piece of shit who blinded himself out of spite. 

He thanks him and climbs onto Cheng Luan. It’s incredibly familiar. 

“My husband is waiting for me to get back home.” Shen Qingqiu tells Liu Qingge as they fly. He shouts it over the wind.

Liu Qingge nods in acknowledgement. His hair smells the same. Shen Qingqiu breathes in the cold air. His eyes water and he hasn’t been so happy in a long time even if it’s only on the fumes of what he needs. 

When they land he turns to Liu Qingge before he can leave, “Let me treat you to a meal in thanks.”

Liu Qingge looks like he’s going to say no. That was expected. Of course he would say no but Shen Qingqiu just needs to push the right way. 

“It’s been a long time since anyone has been so kind, I’ve not met many people on my journey. Please?”

Liu Qingge, caught by a genuine plea and hooked by true vulnerability from someone striving for an aim he agrees with, nods. 

Over badly braised dishes and substandard tea Shen Qingqiu truly allows this Qingge and his own to overlap in his mind. In a world where Liu Qingge was Bai Zhan Peak Lord, where he was allowed to flourish and slide naturally into the high position he was cultivated for from birth, where he was never shackled to Shen Qingqiu; the lecherous slag alpha who locks him up and disdains him… he really is very similar to Shen Qingqiu’s own Qingge. 

He’s also very different but that’s primarily for one obvious reason.  

They lack an intimacy. This Liu Qingge sees him as a stranger and Shen Qingqiu is bowled over to realise just how many small allowances his Qingge had given him over the years. They had fought over so many things, screaming arguments and little disagreements and thrown away comments, that had laid the foundations for their accords. There was an understanding that Shen Qingqiu only now began to appreciate. He really is a fool. To have everything and understand that and still not understand it on the deep enough level it deserves. Even if he knows Qingge is the best it’s not enough, he needs to need him even more with no possible reservations. 

Qingge knows just what dishes to order when they eat out. He knows how to stop Shen Qingqiu when he’s working himself into an unproductive rage and when to let his anger burn itself out. He knows how to approach a discussion to make it productive. He knows how to agree in a way that isn’t pandering. He knows how to love Shen Qingqiu the right way, the only way he can accept. 

Qingge knows how to answer his questions and how to ask his own. Back home it’s a two-sided thing that Shen Qingqiu has the upper hand on now with this Liu Qingge, who is Lord of Bai Zhan Peak and has never bent himself into uncomfortable shapes for another person. He reminds Shen Qingqiu so keenly of Qingge years ago and he needs that so much, the reminder of how much things have changed and how grateful he is. 

He watches the way this Liu Qingge eats less than he speaks and speaks less than he frowns. It’s only charming because it’s Liu Qingge. Shen Qingqiu would hate this on anyone else, he does hate this on everyone else. It’s only good because it’s Qingge. 

The meal is quick and Shen Qingqiu doesn’t press Liu Qingge to stay longer. This Liu Qingge has places to be and has already given him far more than he needed to. 

Of course Liu Qingge also insists on paying in the form of slapping some money on the table and then making clear that he is leaving before Shen Qingqiu can protest. He does pause before walking out and gives Shen Qingqiu a look that, while seemingly benign, pierces right through him because it’s Qingge to the core. Sincere. 

“I hope you get back home.” Are his parting words. 

Shen Qingqiu misses him so much. The longing is exquisite. He retires to a room quickly so he can think about Qingge and miss him so much it begins to feel good. He hadn’t missed him properly until now which seems entirely insane in hindsight. He had tried so hard not to think because he had thought missing him would hurt and it does, but it also feels good because Shen Qingqiu has someone to miss and this time… this time he’s no longer a stupid slave begging for scraps at his master’s feet and gorging himself on helpless longing. He’s a man with the ability to go home on his own two feet. 

No matter how long it takes or how much it hurts Shen Qingqiu will go home and he’ll hug Qingge and tell him how much he missed him and when Qingge looks back, flushed pink, he’ll tell him he loves him and he’d loved him since the first kiss for the way his mouth will pop open and his brow will furrow. But when Shen Qingqiu will then put his face in his neck and breathe in deep Qingge won’t ask any more questions, he’ll accept it and let Shen Qingqiu love him. 

If he was flung into another world with Liu Qingge it would be entirely manageable, even fun. This journey would be an adventure, and the year would slip by like the tide; natural and inexorable without the anxiety of unpredictability. He and Qingge had explored the coast together years ago and Shen Qingqiu remembers watching the waves, the way the ocean pulled in and out on its own predictable schedule, and finding it almost meditative. It stretched out so far it looked like it must continue unbroken forever. That was a good memory. 

They had followed a map Qingge’s Granduncle had made and sent. The man had played ignorant at Qingge having cut ties since he had been away for so many years with no news, though Shen Qingqiu had been sure there was no way he could possibly have not known everything that had happened. The letter was entirely innocuous and even unsigned the way Shen Qingqiu had already learnt all Liu letters were. Qingge had read it and kept the map, before penning back a response making clear that he had cut ties and that contacting him again would be inappropriate. When he had done so Shen Qingqiu had watched almost obsessively for any hint of regret in him, any flicker of unease, and found nothing.

Shen Qingqiu had argued with himself, wondered and thought and resolved, then pressed the map into Qingge’s hands the next day and said, “You should go.”

Qingge had looked at him and Shen Qingqiu had wished not for the first time that he could read his mind. Was he happy? Did he think Shen Qingqiu just wanted to get rid of him? Was Shen Qingqiu reading what he wanted correctly or not? What if he left and realised he didn’t want to come back?

Qingge had been unhesitant as he took the map and looked it over, “You should come.” Was the first thing he had said. 

Did he mean it? He must. Qingge never lied. But was he doing it out of instinct or obligation or true desire to have Shen Qingqiu there? Had he simply become too used to his presence, the only person he was allowed to interact with without reservation? 

“I have duties on Qing Jing.” Shen Qingqiu had responded, honestly though it was still an excuse because he couldn’t accompany Qingge, logistical issues of leaving Qing Jing aside, it was a line he was carefully drawing for himself.  

After Qingge’s agreement he had carefully drafted permission to travel papers and told him very firmly that if anyone anyone untowards approached him he should kill them and let Shen Qingqiu deal with any fallout, if there even would be any. Qingge had nodded, hugged and scented him, and then left. 

It was later that same day when Shen Qingqiu had looked up to say something and found Qingge’s seat empty, that he realised this would be the first significant length of time they were voluntarily spending apart since their mating. He put that thought away and continued working. 

They didn’t share a bed every night but Shen Qingqiu felt his absence keenly. He realised as he stared unseeing at the ceiling of his room that he had become used to having Qingge in his space, even if there was a wall separating them. Even when he was irritated at Qingge he still wanted to know he was within easy reach. Even when Shen Qingqiu was out of the Sect the thought that Qingge was in his room, safe, was a grounding one. It’s the alpha instinct to possess, covet, hoard, and Shen Qingqiu finds it difficult to know where that ends and where he begins. 

It was the next day that he began to feel the first creepings of paranoia which he had been prepared for and ready to harshly tell himself were useless. He buried himself in his work and was more snappish in the bore of a Peak Lord’s meeting that he attended as well as more likely to find fault in his disciple’s lacklustre efforts at poetry. Heavens, he wasn’t asking for masterpieces. If he had tried to submit any of this drivel to his own Shizun he doesn’t want to consider the inevitable consequences. 

By day three he had placed the alert talisman connected to Qingge’s own on his table and spent every spare moment he wasn’t looking at his papers glancing at it. Qingge wouldn’t use it unless he was in dire straits but he also tended to underplay his own injuries and rush bullheadedly into danger. 

That night he slept in Qingge’s nest because it was significantly more comfortable than his own bed and somehow it was the only thing that stopped his chest from aching. He missed him and he hated it because it was a weakness he couldn’t do anything about. He hated Qingge for doing this to him. For doing what to him? Making him care? Qingge hadn’t forced him to do anything. Shen Qingqiu had done all of this by his own volition. He missed him but he barely knew what to do with him when he did have him there. Qingge was surely happy on his explorations, released from the cage of the Sect and Shen Qingqiu’s overbearing attention.

By the week mark he was having nightmares of Qingge dying which he tried to dissect to no avail. He trusted in Qingge’s strength and capabilities. Being an omega hadn’t made the other weaker. He had survived so many expeditions for so many years before meeting Shen Qingqiu, why would this be any different? This wasn’t even dangerous. He was following a map for heaven’s sake. 

Shen Qingqiu had carefully judged the idea of having Qingge go and found it acceptable. He wasn’t Qingge’s jailer; he knew the other wanted to travel and hunt and Shen Qingqiu had duties that locked him down to the Sect. The compromise was to have Qingge travel on his own. Just because every time Qingge had left the Sect since they mated was with Shen Qingqiu by his side, that was only for necessity’s sake. Now that Shen Qingqiu was Peak Lord no one had the power to examine or seriously comment on his affairs, Qingge could do whatever he wanted and this was the first conservative test of that. 

It was stupid to miss Qingge anyhow. He wasn’t dead, he wasn’t out of reach, he was coming back one day. 

A week after the Peak Lord’s meeting he received a missive from their illustrious Sect Leader sending him on a venture that they had agreed in the meeting Qi Qingqi would take. It seems that Qi-shimei was no longer up to the task and Shen Qingqiu would have to quickly go in her stead. It was something of a slight, did they think Shen Qingqiu could be used as a stand-in or backup as if he didn’t have his own business? Shen Qingqiu wanted to refuse on principle but then he had seen where he was tasked to go: East. Near the coast. 

An excuse appeared and Shen Qingqiu didn’t fight it. He grasped it with both hands and left less than a shichen later.

It was a myth to say that omegas and alphas could track each other through their bond. There were other myths that claimed the bond allowed them to read each other's minds and that was also patently incorrect. However there was certainly… something. It was hard to say what that something was; strong emotion and social convention wrapped up together in a potent cocktail that meant Shen Qingqiu would be bound to Qingge for as long as his immortal life may last. 

As Shen Qingqiu wrapped up his task for the Sect and turned his eyes to the coast he wondered if Qingge would be unhappy to see him. He was appearing unannounced and it was likely Qingge hadn’t suffered and struggled with their separation the way that Shen Qingqiu had. Qingge was always of a much stronger constitution; steady where Shen Qingqiu was humiliatingly erratic.

If Qingge didn’t welcome his presence then it would hurt, but Shen Qingqiu was his alpha so he didn’t have a choice in welcoming. He hated himself for that thought. He should leave before he finds Qingge and ruins everything between them. 

He found Qingge sitting on the sandy beach of a small cove that could only be accessed by sword flight. He was looking at the ocean, beautiful and serene with no clear expression on his face. 

When Shen Qingqiu landed his head snapped towards him, his eyes widened, his cheeks pinkened and then he smiled and every one of Shen Qingqiu’s vicious doubts had been felled.

They spent a month slowly following the curve where the land hugged the water and when Shen Qingqiu had no choice but to return to Qing Jing Qingge had slid into step beside him and returned home without a single look back at the journey not yet travelled. 

Qingge makes everything better. He makes being Peak Lord better, he makes nighthunting better, he makes diplomatic ventures better, he makes sitting around doing nothing better, he makes every meal better, he makes sleeping better, he makes living better. 

The companionship Qingge gives him is worth more than any other accolade he has or ever will have. He needs to die before him because if he survives Liu Qingge everything will be unbearable. 

Shen Qingqiu sleeps the night and then the next day he leaves the inn to find somewhere to cut a hole through.  

Xin Mo has brought him to Liu Qingge once already. Shen Qingqiu can do it again. He’s closer than he ever was and while he doesn’t love Qingge more after their time apart, his doubts have quietened themselves for the time being, desperation outpacing fear. 

He closes his eyes and pictures his Qingge’s face, the way he drinks his tea, how he looks when he’s embarrassed, the way he’ll welcome him back and the way his eyes will widen when Shen Qingqiu tells him he’s hiked through Endless Abyss and tried to strangle Tianlang-jun and shared a meal with an alternate version of him. 

Or maybe he won’t tell him. Maybe he’ll tease the details for long enough that Qingge gets frustrated enough to fight him over it. 

Either way if it takes a hundred more attempts to get it right that’s fine. It’s worth so much more than this suffering. This is a trade Shen Qingqiu has no qualms with making. 

He slashes Xin Mo through the air and shoves his hand through the tear, pulling it open as he’s becoming practised at to shove his way through to the other side. 

*

The first thing Shen Qingqiu saw when he opened his eyes was Qingge’s hair. The smell and feel of it was intimately familiar. Qingge was kneeling over him, hair spilling over his shoulder and dangling near Shen Qingqiu’s face. He reached out with his hand and grasped the ponytail, unable to stop himself from touching. 

“You’re awake.” There was relief in Qingge’s voice, “I thought you said the shard was safe to use.”

Shen Qingqiu’s mouth was muddy but Qingge was frowning and he needed to make it stop. “Even with my qi sealed, I'm a spiritual cultivator, there would be backlash.”

“You feel alright?” Qingge was still frowning. He looked unhappy. Shen Qingqiu let go of his hair to brush his fingers over his face. Qingge accepted the touch easily and when Shen Qingqiu’s clumsy fingers caught on his mouth he just took his hand and held it. 

“Fine.” Shen Qingqiu answered. 

He sat up and Qingge immediately went to support him, a hand behind his back and another on his shoulder. Utilitarian and yet comforting. Shen Qingqiu let his eyes close. 

“How long was I unconscious?” He asked. 

“Less than an incense stick.” Qingge was no longer frowning, “You fainted after the rip closed.”

“Mm.” Shen Qingqiu shamelessly turned in Qingge’s touch so he could lean into him, he took Qingge’s arm on his shoulder and pulled it around himself so he was properly being held. “I feel fine.”

“Good.” Qinge paused, “I can’t sense any ambient spiritual energy.” He looked a little confused but not frightened.

“We may be in a world without any.” Shen Qingqiu put his face in Qingge’s neck, “Is your energy still sealed?”

“Yes.”

“So is mine. It will likely take a few days for the seal to wear down naturally.” Shen Qingqiu finally reopened his eyes and made to stand with Qingge’s help. “Now let’s see how lucky we are with this jump.”

They walked for a while through what looked to be a normal forest before emerging onto an unfamiliar path. Shen Qingqiu took in the landscape, the dizzying tall towers in the distance and the raging inferno of noise just slightly out of reach. 

“Ah.” He understood how Xin Mo had read his mind this time, “An opportunity for restitution. I approve.”

Qingge looked at him, “You know where we are?”

“I have a suspicion and thankfully I also have a good memory.” Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help smiling, “And even if I’m wrong… we’ll still have some fun.”

He caught Qingge’s hand and led him forward into an unfamiliar world.

*

The man who was ostensibly a guard eyed Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge oddly but that was an obvious reaction that didn’t mitigate him immediately picking up some box-like device and saying he was “calling Mr Shen”. A communication talisman but not qi based Shen Qingqiu would describe it as. 

After a short conversation in which the guard told Mr Shen that “Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge” were here to see him he nodded, put the device down, and turned to them. “He says it’s fine for you two to go up.”

“Thank you.” Shen Qingqiu had watched someone else exit the box that apparently transported people between the floors of this tower and was confident it wouldn’t be overly difficult to use. 

People in this world liked things to be simple and straightforward, self-explanatory in a way that benefits Shen Qingqiu so he’s not going to criticise it. 

When they entered Qingge was obviously unsettled by the box contraption, “What is this?” He asked, vulnerability sounding like belligerence. Shen Qingqiu put his arm around his waist and Qingge relaxed into the touch.

“They don’t have spiritual energy here so if you build this high you need a convenient way to get up, as far as I can understand ropes pull this box up to the different floors.” Shen Qingqiu looked with fascination at all the different numbered buttons. It was clever how mortals had done all this in a world without spiritual energy. He had never allowed Shen Yuan to think him too impressed by his scant explanations of home but here he could show it openly. 

“Why don’t they use stairs?” Qingge asked. It wasn’t a bad question but again Qingge primarily thought of himself when he considered things like this which meant his perspective wasn’t incredibly wide. 

“Too old to climb so many stairs, too young.” Shen Qingqiu listed, “Too infirm, too lazy.”

Qingge scoffed at the last one as Shen Qingqiu knew he would. 

The doors to the box then opened and then exited to find themselves in a hallway with two identical doors facing each other. 

“Number twenty-six, how auspicious.” Shen Qingqiu walked forward but before he could knock the door was unlocked and opened from the inside. 

“Uh hi. I don’t know who sent you guys but if they haven’t already paid you I will, there’s no need for your services.” The slightly dishevelled man who lived in room number twenty-six said. 

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes feeling entirely unimpressed, “No one contracted our “services” you disrespectful lout. Now stand aside and let us in.”

Shen Yuan blinked, “Wow, okay you’re good at this. Very realistic Shen Qingqiu, but really whoever sent you I don’t need any cosplay-”

Shen Qingqiu had had enough and he pushed Shen Yuan into his dwelling, elbowing his way inside and gesturing for Liu Qingge to follow. 

“What the hell?! This is home invasion, I’ll call the police!” Shen Yuan threatened. 

“Save the babble, we’re not “actors” or whatever stupidity you think could be occurring. We are the real Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge from that infernal blight of a novel written by a pathetic rat of a man. Another you transmigrated into our world several years ago and subsisted like a parasite off our goodwill, now that we’ve found ourselves in your world unfortunately you’re in a position of having to pay for the slovenly uselessness of your counterpart.”

Shen Yuan’s mouth had popped open during Shen Qingqiu’s explanation, “Wow. Wow this is… realistic. Very detailed and uh… impressive backstory, but seriously I don’t know-”

“I know your world does not have cultivation so this must all seem very foreign.” Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes, “How about a little demonstration?” He pulled out a talisman that didn’t need spiritual energy to activate and slapped it onto Shen Yuan’s chest who made a shocked little noise at the violation but then quietened completely when he began to float. 

“What the fuck?! How are you doing this?! What kind of prank is this?!” He scrabbled at the air around him as if looking for some secret suspension method. 

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes again, “Now will you quieten your dramatics and listen to-”

Qingge interrupted by walking up to Shen Yuan and gently removing the talisman before setting the other on his feet, “We’re telling the truth.” He said to Shen Yuan, very sincerely, “Now that we’re in your world we require your assistance, we understand that you are not the Shen Yuan that lives in our world but we have faith in your character regardless.”

Shen Yuan looked at Liu Qingge and seemed closer to believing Qingge’s declaration of trust more than any of the logical explanations Shen Qingqiu had previously given. Typical. 

“How did you get to this world?” Shen Yuan asked. 

Got him . Shen Qingqiu thought with some satisfaction. He really should have let Qingge lead, something about him automatically put Shen Yuan on edge while Qingge was of course naturally trustworthy. Shen Qingqiu had this thought without a hint of bitterness. 

As Qingge began to explain their qi being sealed and then being trapped in a self-maintaining array while travelling outside the Sect, Shen Qingqiu went to look around Shen Yuan’s dwelling. It was only fair after all, the imposter had lived in his home for more than a year. What privacy did he owe Shen Yuan? Shen Qingqiu knew it was a weak justification, this Shen Yuan was a different one after all, but he really didn’t care all that much about explaining himself even to himself. 

Shen Yuan’s world really was different. While the basic components stayed the same: bedroom, receiving room, kitchen and so on, the composition of everything was very different. In a specifically designed bathing chamber he fiddled with the different dials to find that hot and cold water appeared automatically through a complex piping system. It felt like very comfortable rain and Shen Qingqiu couldn't deny that he was impressed. He wanted something like this in his own house.  When Qingge and him got back home he would work on it. 

In Shen Yuan’s bed chamber he snorted with laughter at the pictures on the walls (some of Luo Binghe. He hadn’t even met him yet. So embarrassing. Shen Qingqiu couldn’t deny his amusement despite the very prominent Heavenly Demon Mark on the drawn Luo Binghe’s forehead. Ha, I knew it! That sneaky demon brat! It’s a wonder anyone even read that pathetic novel, it would have bored me to tears. ) and then spent some time rooting through the drawers and wardrobe of Shen Yuan’s pathetic collection of clothing. 

From what he and Qingge had already seen on their journey to Shen Yuan’s dwelling the people in this world dressed far more promiscuously than Shen Qingqiu could have thought possible. However no one batted an eye at uncovered shoulders and legs. It was simply… normal. How interesting to think that all these standards were based off nothing more than agreed expectations of behaviour. If someone dressed the way the young women or men outside did on Cang Qiong they would cause a riot. 

Shen Yuan’s clothing was rather boring. Compared to what they had seen it seemed that he wasn’t interested in standing out. Shen Qingqiu sniffed superciliously, lucky of him to have transmigrated, he would never have worn anything as nice as he did as Shen Qingqiu and later his cousin if he stayed in this world. Shen Qingqiu wasn’t the flashiest dresser in the cultivation world or even the Sect, but he could say with some pride that he considered himself one of the more (if not the most) tastefully dressed members. Qingge naturally also always looked nice, though with his looks and bearing anything he wore could be carried with enviable ease. 

Done with the clothing Shen Qingqiu moved on to more in-depth snooping. 

He had just pulled a box of what looked to be professionally drawn spring books out from under Shen Yuan’s bed and was marvelling at the rather unimaginative presentation (and the fact that Shen Yuan seemed to believe himself attracted to women that looked like this rather than men of the type that plastered his walls in plain view and stared down at him when he slept) when the other finally came to stop him. 

“What the hell are you doing?!” He shouted, “Boundaries!”

“You lived in my body for a year.” Shen Qingqiu responded, still examining the book he was holding. The art style was… comical. 

Shen Yuan gave him a look tinged with despair, “That wasn’t me.”

Shen Qingqiu did accept that and with a dismissive hand wave he shoved the spring books back under the bed, “Don’t be concerned, through the other Shen Yuan I already know how embarrassing you are so there’s no need to put on airs. I also assume by the way you’re now acting that you believe us?”

“It’s unbelievable,” Shen Yuan admitted, “But the proof is fairly hard-boiled. Not even a professional method actor could be as convincing as you guys.” 

Shen Qingqiu considered him. He felt that no matter that it was to his benefit, it was still rather too easy. 

Shen Yuan considered him right back. Shen Qingqiu wondered what he thought of him. It had always been fairly obvious what their Shen Yuan thought, it was written all over his confused yet righteous face. This one however has different features that Shen Qingqiu is still adjusting himself to read. 

“Qingqiu made the decision to find you.” Qingge then said, where he had followed Shen Yuan and was standing within the door frame, “He won’t say so, but he trusts you.”

“I trust you to be a dense imbecile, not a cruel one.” Shen Qingqiu barely allowed before moving to sit on Shen Yuan’s bed. It was very comfortable, more akin to Qingge’s nest than Shen Qingqiu’s own bed. 

Shen Yuan looked between him and Qingge, “Right. That’s… nice. Liu-shidi was also saying that Proud Immortal Demon Way was wrong about your relationship and you actually love each other a lot?”

Oh Qingge. Of course that was the first important thing for him to clarify. 

“Why are you calling him Liu-shidi?” Shen Qingqiu asked in response, “Is this some instinct of yours?”

Shen Yuan made a face at him. Very childish. “Liu-shidi told me to call him that.”

Qingge shrugged, “It seemed appropriate.”

“He also told me that you came here using a shard of Xin Mo?”

Shen Qingqiu allowed himself to nod in confirmation. 

“That’s so cool!” Shen Yuan inevitably seemed enthused by the mention of cultivation, “I thought only Luo Binghe could wield it!”

“Because of course he's half-heavenly demon?” Shen Qingqiu asked, with narrowed eyes. 

“Yeah and-”

“I knew it!” Shen Qingqiu all but shouted in righteous vindication, “Your disgusting little effigies proved it! That parasite! Living on my peak and-”

“The plot is different.” Qingge cut in to tell Shen Yuan, “You transmigrated when Luo Binghe was still a young disciple. You took him into your service and the two of you travel independently for the most part. While we are aware that he is the protagonist, that's where our knowledge of him ends.”

Shen Yuan looked a little pale, “So I just spoiled the ending?”

“Qingqiu tricked you into confirming something he already knew. In our world Luo Binghe still uses his spiritual sword and has not publicly declared himself as a demon.” Qingge gives him a rather unimpressed look. 

Shen Qingqiu just gestures to a print of Luo Binghe, demon mark glowing red, as he sat astride a Black Moon Python-Rhinoceros. What a stupid image, as if anyone would want to ride one of those savage idiotic animals. They’d sooner start accidentally eating themselves than carry a rider successfully. 

Qingge seemed similarly unimpressed by the print but unfortunately didn’t seem any less reproachful of the way Shen Qingqiu had coaxed Shen Yuan into confirmation. 

“Hmph.” Shen Qingqiu huffs, looking away from Qingge, “He’s still a little liar.”

“He didn’t know he was half-demon,” Shen Yuan (inevitably) argued on the boy’s behalf, “His heritage was sealed when he was born.”

He had suspected as much. No matter how much of a conniving little wretch Luo Binghe was, concealing demonic heritage on Qing Jing for all those years would have been nigh impossible even if Shen Yuan was helping him, and while Shen Yuan was a passable actor he was poor liar when pressed. 

Though it did explain why the beast spent most of his time now off Qing Jing with Shen Yuan returning more often that he, the actual member of the Sect, did. Shen Qingqiu had never pointed this out because it was a state of things he actually rather enjoyed. Keep that irritating little creature as far away from him as possible for everyone’s sake, which seemed to be Shen Yuan’s grand master plan anyway. 

Luo Binghe killing him for revenge was rote and boring as far as novels went, but Qingge killing himself was another matter entirely. He wanted to force Qingge to promise that he would never take his own life but he knew that was stupid, if the options really were so dire then he would rather Qingge be dead than have to suffer. He still believed that decision had been narratively forced more than anything else, it was easier to think about that stupid author writing himself into a corner rather than Qingge really being distressed enough to die. It wasn’t in Qingge’s nature to hurt himself, to give up, to let go that way. 

Currently Shen Qingqiu couldn’t be bothered to argue with Shen Yuan on such a useless point. Whether or not Luo Binghe knew he was a demon when he joined Qing Jing meant very little in the grand context of things. Shen Qingqiu would still have instinctively disliked him if he was a fish meant for their kitchens. 

He stands and goes back to looking through Shen Yuan’s clothing, “I want to go outside, we can’t wear our current robes so help us find something of yours that might fit.”

Shen Yuan gave him a look that was half despair, “You’re the most shameless person I’ve ever met.” He said, sounding aggrieved, “I swear you weren’t like this in PIDW.”

“You’ve been living on Qing Jing as Shen Qingqiu’s cousin for a few years now.” Qingge explains, “And when you transmigrated you were very good to me. Qingqiu won’t say it but he’s become used to your company.”

“Pah, that little freeloader?” Shen Qingqiu turned up his nose at the idea as he pulled a thick looking woollen garment out of one of the drawers. “Not likely.” He then turned, holding up the clothing item, “Is this an outer or inner piece?”

“It’s a sweater so you can wear it under a coat which is an outer piece if it’s very cold, or as the outermost layer if it's more mild.” Shen Yuan seemed suddenly buoyed into productivity, “I think that’ll fit. And I have an old pair of jeans from my brother somewhere in here.” And then he was rooting around in the drawers. 

Helpful. It also seemed that his family was larger than Shen Qingqiu had believed considering how cavalier Shen Yuan had seemed about dying in his original life and settling into their world. Shen Yuan never discussed his past life with any difficulty nor did there seem to be any bad blood when he very occasionally mentioned his family, though the fact that Shen Qingqiu hadn’t even known he had a brother was telling enough. 

Shen Qingqiu sat back down on the bed and waited for Shen Yuan to pull out a whole pile of clothing.

“This should all be your size.” He dumped them down on his bed in a disorganised jumble of fabric, “At least I think so, you guys are both taller than me so I’m not sure of the exact fit.” 

Shen Qingqiu sorted through it and picked some more inoffensive pieces that he recognised as being similar to what the majority of people outside had been wearing and passed those to Qingge, “Here, try these. The washing room is over there, the door locks.”

Qingge nodded and disappeared. 

“This is so crazy.” Shen Yuan said at that point, staring at the print of Luo Binghe like it held some deep philosophical meaning rather than being a quasi-erotic image of a man that Shen Qingqiu considered a simpering two-faced annoyance. “Like how the hell is this happening? Web novels aren’t real.”

“Get over yourself.” Shen Qingqiu snapped, “You think you’re so important that your world is the only one that can exist?”

Shen Yuan (for once) seemed too preoccupied with having two novel characters appear in his home and processing that, to argue. Shen Qingqiu took it for the blessing it was. 

While Shen Yuan was in silent contemplation Shen Qingqiu used the occasion to observe him properly. He critically took in this Shen Yuan’s apparently unbrushed hair and unkempt home clothes. His rooms were clean but there were small states of mess here and there that indicated a distracted mind or lazy habits, it was likely a mixture of both. The look through Shen Yuan’s kitchen that he had done had revealed next to no fresh produce and instead a lot of dried “pre-prepared” food that Shen Qingqiu thought looked wholly unappealing and the outwear hung by his door looked dusty with lack of use. This was the dwelling of someone who spent the majority of their time indoors doing… very little by the looks of things. 

“You told me that your life before transmigrating was “good, just a little boring”. You need to do more with your days.” Shen Qingqiu critiqued sharply before standing, “And take down those pictures of Luo Binghe, considering that your counterpart is nine-tenths of the way to marriage with the little beast, it's all rather too humiliating for me to stomach. If that wretch knew you had all these he’d expire with joy I’m sure.” Or unfortunately do something less useful than spontaneously combusting with satisfaction.

Shen Yuan and Luo Binghe were the worst match he’d ever come across, certainly the most annoying. He wished they would hurry up and marry each other so they could have even more excuses to spend every waking moment together and away from others the way they were obviously so desperate to do. If it weren’t for how much Qingge seemed to value Shen Yuan’s company Shen Qingqiu would be more than happy to kick the happy couple off Qing Jing entirely to make their home far far away where whatever stupid plot contrivances could follow them into the distance. 

Luo Binghe was a problem he’d considered from all possible angles with the information he’d pressed out of Shang Qinghua to give him when Shen Yuan wasn’t present to run interference. Shang Qinghua had never mentioned Luo Binghe being a demon though, that little rat had obviously taken advantage of the fact that it hadn’t been something that Shen Qingqiu had known to ask.

In light of the original story he could understand just how deeply they had now veered off track, and more than that how Shen Yuan’s presence in Luo Binghe’s life had specifically changed things. After all, at this point Luo Binghe was all but Shen Yuan’s disciple with Shen Qingqiu having firmly washed his hands on him which seemed to be a state of things everyone was happy with. 

Happiest of all was Luo Binghe himself. Disturbing but true was that the beast was obsessed with Shen Yuan. Even Qingge had picked up on it though he didn’t understand it the way that Shen Qingqiu does because he generally does not understand obsession. 

Luo Binghe listened to every word Shen Yuan spoke like it was heavenly doctrine and treated him like Shen Yuan was an emperor and he was a baffling (and disturbing) mix between the head eunuch and most favoured concubine. Shen Qingqiu had considered all future possibilities and decided that with Shen Yuan taking the “protagonist’s” attention there was a minimal danger to Qigge or Cang Qiong while all else but the object of his desire faded from Luo Binghe’s awareness. 

If the beast erred Shen Qingqiu would of course kill him, he had prepared his own contingencies when he had still thought him human but those can be adjusted. He had taken serious consideration as to just killing Luo Binghe when he first learnt of the world being a novel and no amount of Shen Yuan saying “you can’t” could have actually swayed him. In truth he was leery of showing his hand too early. He knew Luo Binghe was the protagonist who Shang Qinghua had said would one day rule all the realms. He didn’t want to attempt a murder and fail, thus making an enemy of Luo Binghe when both he and Qingge could simply remain background characters. 

Currently with all the protagonist’s attention on wooing an impossibly blind Shen Yuan, Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t say that the subjugation of the cultivation world or even his own murder was foremost on Luo Binghe’s mind. Maybe Shen Qingqiu was being far too relaxed about all this but he didn’t have the energy to overthink, not when there were so many better things to take his attention. Besides the largest mystery concerning Luo Binghe currently was how he was somehow still unpresented at his age. Shen Yuan had fretted and fussed and took him to see Mu Qingfang under Shen Qingqiu’s authority while Luo Binghe preened under the attention. No medical explanation could be found as to the lack of presentation so nothing could really be done. 

Shen Qingqiu’s own theory (which Qingge agreed with) was that Luo Binghe was trying to figure out what Shen Yuan was and somehow present in a complimentary manner. He didn’t think it was necessarily a conscious effort though he was sure the boy was praying on his knees every day for Shen Yuan to wake up and realise that they were meant to be. More that his body was confused because Shen Yuan didn’t have a presentation, he looked and smelled like a beta for all intents and purposes but that body was from a world with no secondary genders altogether. Shen Qingqiu found it very amusing. He was sure Luo Binghe did not. 

“Excuse me?” Shen Yuan squawked in response to the very reasonable request to not have Luo Binghe plastering his walls, “But I’m straight? I’m not interested in men!”

“You’ve told me as much.” Shen Qingqiu gave him a rather unimpressed look before being unable and unwilling to suppress his next smile, “In all truth, the way you’ve tortured the little beast through your painful obliviousness has not been all that unpleasant to watch.”

Shen Yuan continued to stare at him in silent horror. Qingge stalled any further discussion by emerging at that moment wearing the clothing picked out. It was slightly oversized which meant it must have drowned Shen Yuan. Shen Qingqiu could also hardly believe that everyone walked around in one or two scant layers. However Qingge looked comfortable and as always very beautiful

“How is it?” Shen Qingqiu immediately asked, walking over to smooth out the creases and tug at the clothing to make sure it fell correctly. 

“Feels fine.” 

“Looks good.” Shen Yuan gave Qingge a nonsensical little thumbs up which was a gesture Shen Qingqiu would never understand, “The xianxia style robes are cool but stick out a lot.” Shen Yuan looked at Shen Qingqiu curiously, eyes lingering on his (admittedly) very elaborate Peak Lords robes, “Did anyone try to take photos with you when you were outside?”

“A few people approached us.” Shen Qingqiu said, “But I told them we were in a hurry before they could make any inane requests. The man in the pawn shop asked us if we were “idols filming a variety show”.” He sounds out the unfamiliar phrase carefully. 

“You went to a pawn shop?”

“I don’t have a map of your world memorised. We needed your currency to get a taxi  to take us here even if I knew your address.”

Shen Yuan gave him an incredulous look, “How do you know what a taxi is?”

“You called Luo Binghe your personal taxi because he transports you around on his sword since you don’t have your own. You explained them as transportation for hire, similar to a hired carriage that we could commission.”

“That… checks out.” Shen Yuan looked like he was stuck on Luo Binghe being his personal taxi but also like he had more questions to ask, “How do you even know what a taxi looks like? Your world doesn’t have cars so isn’t that really weird for you? And how did you even know my address? If I told you and I must have, did you memorise it?”

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes at the litany of questions, “We’re not country rubes that gasp and shout at anything unfamiliar, we always knew your world was different and while your counterpart’s explanations were rather lacklustre they are certainly sufficient for me not to faint in shock at the sight of your methods of living. As for your address it was nothing so intense, I simply remembered what you told me.”

“You must have something like a photographic memory.”

Shen Qingqiu didn’t know what that meant but he kept any confusion off his face, “How do you think I ascended to Qing Jing Peak Lord?”

“Right.” Shen Yuan seemed to breeze past that before shaking his head and moving on, “So you want to go outside? Why?”

“Why not? I want to see your world. I want to go to the cinema.” Shen Qingqiu said, pronouncing it carefully, “I want a tequila sunrise and a milkshake.”

Qingge snorted a little laugh. 

Shen Yuan was staring at him. 

“You… are you really Shen Qingqiu? In PIDW-”

“I was the Scum Villain, yes yes we all know.” Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes, “If you want me to, I could put you through some heinous abuse so your image of me isn’t discordant.” Heavens above, Shen Yuan was apparently always exhausting no matter which world it was. 

Shen Yuan blinked at him before shaking his head. “I’m… good. Do you even know what a tequila sunrise is?”

“It’s sweet and alcoholic. I want to try it.”

“Okay?”

“I’m so glad you approve since it’s all I subsist on.” Shen Qingqiu plucked some items from the suitable pile of clothing and went to change.

*

Shen Yuan’s world was so foreign it was shocking. Somehow even Shen Qingqiu hadn’t been able to fully conceive of something so different even with the information he had prodded out of Shen Yuan. 

No cultivation, no secondary genders, almost everything was automated, and yet there were so many people . More people than there were back home. 

Shen Yuan explained at Shen Qingqiu’s probing questions that novels like PIDW were considered historical as well as fantastical. So a world that was structured and looked like theirs had existed in Shen Yuan’s, only centuries into the past. As they walked the streets and Shen Qingqiu really paid attention he could see some buildings that were likely considered more old fashioned in style tucked in beside the reflective glass and metal monstrosities.

They made their way following Shen Yuan through the bustling streets full of unfamiliar people who walked like none of them had ever had to kneel in respect to a passing Lord’s carriage. They talked loudly, into their communication devices or with their companions, gesturing while eating or drinking, as they wore clothing in differing shades of unacceptable disarray. Uncovered skin was everywhere and women and men clutched each other in broad daylight with no shame whatsoever, kissing and holding hands and laughing as though there were no concerns of propriety to be had. Women slung arms around each other intimately as they giggled over gossip and men clapped each other on the back and hugged without care. Everyone touched each other so much. 

Shen Qingqiu stared at everything and everyone that passed through his line of sight, fascinated and for once not concerned about hiding it, until they came to a large building, more of a palace in size though its lack of fortifications or security meant that it was for public use. Interesting. 

He nudged Qingge as they followed Shen Yuan inside, “What do you think of everything?”

“Very different, not having secondary genders.” He wrinkled his nose a little. 

Ah yes, Shen Qingqiu had already experienced it enough to be mostly desensitised during his year jumping between worlds but for Qingge this would be an entirely new experience. No one was looking at him because of what he was, though he was attractive enough that some young girls still stared and giggled behind their hands as he passed. 

“Do you feel discomfited by it?” Shen Qingqiu asked, nudging him again. 

“Maybe. I can smell you.” Qingge answered, “But no one else.”

“I’ve gotten too used to you being my nose to feel the same.” Shen Qingqiu told him with a smile, once more bumping their sides together, “Now we’re on equal footing.” He joked. 

That rang truer than he had even meant it to. In this world he and Qingge were equals in the eyes of everyone around them. No one looked at them and intuitively placed Qingge below him. 

Shen Qingqiu had always placed Qingge on a high shelf. The highest shelf. He made sure he was out of everyone else’s reach, even occasionally his own, but here there was no need for the same caution. No one thought they could have Qingge. No one thought he was something that could be taken. He was exactly the same as all the hundreds of other people they had passed on the walk with nothing to distinguish him but how beautiful he was. 

“It’s strange.” Qingge repeated and he did look uncomfortable at the unfamiliarity. 

It was ironic. While Shen Qingqiu thought of outside perception and their positions, Qingge was concerned by something as plain as losing one of his senses. Shen Qingqiu put a hand on his shoulder and Qingge leaned into the meagre touch. 

A question Shen Qingqiu had asked himself many times and even asked Qingge in plain words once was that did Qingge even care if he was an omega? Shen Qingqiu always assumed most if not all omegas hated their presentation for the restrictions it placed on them, even those that prayed to present so they could bring benefits to their families surely could not be happy to be considered nothing but useful chattel. 

Qingge said and acted like he didn’t care. And on the plainest level that was because Qingge liked himself and even if the world devalued him he didn’t devalue himself. He had adjusted and Shen Qingqiu admired him endlessly even as he knew trying to emulate his attitude was impossible. 

He migrated the hand on Qingge’s shoulder to drape across his back the way he had seen some others they passed touch each other. “You should have a tequila sunrise.” He suggested, wanting to laugh even as he said it.

Qingge didn’t look convinced. 

“This world is very different.” Shen Qingqiu agreed, keeping his voice low and somewhat intimate, “But it’s safe, look at the way our and this Shen Yuan are, do you think he truly came from a world plagued by danger? Besides, if you can’t smell others they also can’t smell you.”

Qingge nodded but he still wasn’t entirely relaxed. After all, he had grown up in a cultivational family and then came straight to the Sect. He was a cultivator as much as he was both human and an omega, it went deeper than identity to the core of who he was. Shen Qingqiu could still remember a time as Shen Jiu where he both knew how to do “magic” and conversely knew nothing about cultivation. 

Even when he knew what cultivation was so much still had to be learned, it was accurate to say that even after he had mated Qingge there were still colloquialisms to cultivation that had somehow escaped him while Qingge had been fluent since birth. Qingge had taught him without even realising, all the tiny mannerisms Shen Qingqiu was missing, the turns of speech, the special techniques. Shen Qingqiu had pulled himself into his position through sheer force of mercenary will, he wasn’t meant for it. But Qingge was and when Shen Qingqiu owned him he was papered over by his mate’s legitimacy. He hates that for being the case so much that he can't even appreciate Qingge properly for making everything so much easier. 

“We won’t stay here too long.” Shen Qingqiu cautioned, “After all, once our qi is unsealed it’ll be vastly more dangerous for me to use Xin Mo. If you’re truly uncomfortable, we can always return to Shen Yuan’s dwelling.”

Qingge shook his head firmly then, “It’s fine. I’m just unsettled, it’ll pass.”

Shen Qingqiu didn’t actually think it would but Qingge had made his decision so he would listen. 

“Okay, so you mentioned you wanted a milkshake and to go to the cinema.” Shen Yuan stopped them in front of a large… storefront? “This is the cinema, I think they do milkshakes so it’s a two in one. What movie do you want to see?”

“What is this?” Qingge asked. 

“The recorded plays Shen Yuan talked about, moving pictures that tell stories.” Shen Qingqiu explained to him. 

“Mm.”

“Yeah exactly. Those are the movies currently showing.” Shen Yuan gestured to a few paintings. “Pick one.”

“Qingge?”

Qingge eyed each, he still looked a little lost, “Have you attended any already?” He asked Shen Yuan who shook his head. 

“I don’t come out much.” He admitted. 

“Which do you think would be enjoyable?” Qingge asked. 

Shen Yuan considered it, “They’re all very different vibes. Do you want something more mindless or something deep?”

“Mindless.” Shen Qingqiu said. 

“Alright, then that one definitely. It’s full of fast cars and explosions and fist fighting.”

Qingge looked a little dubious so Shen Qingqiu agreed for them, “Okay. And I want my milkshake.”

“You don’t even know what a milkshake is.” Shen Yuan muttered, but he bought them three tickets to the cinema and for Shen Jiu; a large, cold, milk-ish monstrosity. 

For him and Qingge he’d bought some popcorn “to share” and some sweet things in crinkly packets. “So you guys can have the full cinema experience, snacks included.” He explained. 

Shen Qingqiu really had to marvel that he was surely starved for real company considering how easily and eagerly he had both accepted their presences and also been dragged into spending time together. He was also funding all of this but Shen Qingqiu could tell just from meeting their own Shen Yuan that he was someone with little conception of money, he could budget if forced and wasn’t an utter fool, but when he had money to spend he acted like someone who knew what it was like to always live comfortably. 

Shen Qingqiu took a sip of his milkshake as they sat themselves in the comfortably padded seats. He didn’t recoil visibly but it was a close thing. It was so sweet. And thick. And cold. 

He took another sip. 

On second try it was actually quite nice. 

“Qingge, try it, it’s good.” He pushed the cup and straw into Qingge’s face. 

Qingge obediently took a sip and his nose wrinkled, “It’s… a lot.”

“You don’t like it?”

Qingge shook his head. 

“I think we’re going to be the only ones here.” Shen Yuan said as the room darkened and no one else came in. “I mean it’s the middle of the day so I can see why. Normal people are at work.”

“Mm,” Shen Qingqiu reached across Qingge and took a fistful of the popped corn. It was good. “Qingge try it, it’s good.”

Qingge tried it and gave it a more favourable review than the milkshake. 

The pictures started at that point. They were very bright and very loud and Shen Qingqiu had never experienced anything like it. The visuals were awe inspiring and the look into the psychology of this new world just as much. 

He settled his head on Qingge’s shoulder, kept sipping his milkshake, and helped himself to another fistful of the corn and some of the sweet chewy things. 

*

“You know you’re not meant to talk in movie theatres?” Shen Yuan grumbled as they left. 

“There wasn’t anyone else there.” Shen Qingqiu barely defended himself as he threw away his empty milkshake cup in a bin. “And I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to Qingge. You shouldn’t have eavesdropped.” As they exited the watching room the light blinded him for a second. 

“You were asking loads of questions! How was I supposed to know they were for Liu-shidi? Most of them only I could answer anyway!” Shen Yuan shot back, “And yeah it was just us but still, for future knowledge. When you go to see plays in your world, is everyone just chattering away?”

“I don’t attend plays often.” Shen Qingqiu said airily which was the truth, he hated crowds and despite liking entertainment it wouldn’t be worth going alone and feeling vaguely uncomfortable while thinking of all the commentary he wanted to share with Qingge. He would bring Qingge but he also didn’t want him to be subjected to all the stares and whispers that would follow. Even if no challenge was forthcoming Qingge was still so beautiful that Shen Qingqiu was sure everyone that saw him imagined what it would be like to have him and he wasn’t the kind of person that revelled in being envied that way when the other side was Qingge being thought of like a piece of meat. 

“Even so.” Shen Yuan stretched, bones clicking worryingly as he did so, “That movie was way too long, they should have cut it after they rescued the girl.”

“I disagree.” Shen Qingqiu said, “They never should have had her get captured in the first place, it ruined the pacing completely. Where was all the urgency of the world ending if they abandoned that quest completely for the rescue mission?”

“Exactly! The whole thing happened over what, like a week? The main guy at the beginning was saying that nothing could distract him and he was all hardened and then bam, so ooc to prioritise the rescue!”

“He was emotional.” Qingge suggested an explanation. 

“If the world ended it wouldn’t matter if he rescued her.” Shen Qingqiu pointed out. 

Qingge considered it, “But what if he wanted to spend the time left with her?”

“They only knew each other for three days maximum, and that’s being generous.” Shen Qingqiu pointed out.

“Exactly, that’s not true love.” Shen Yuan echoed. 

“There was no guarantee they would be able to avert the crisis even if they prioritised it, why shouldn’t they rescue her.” Qingge tried to argue. 

“Oh those movies are super formulaic.” Shen Yuan said as if this was something he had serious experience in, “The good guys always win and the bad guys always lose, no matter how close to the wire it may seem.”

“As if that’s realistic.” Shen Qingqiu scoffed. 

“They’re meant to feel good, not realistic.” Shen Yuan said, “The movies where the bad guys win are a completely different genre.”

Shen Qingqiu supposed he could understand that. “Your world doesn’t like tragedies I suppose.”

“In doses, but really who loves them?”

“Everyone says comedies are meant to be quickly forgotten, only tragedy can last forever.”

“Tragedy can linger because it’s so horrific people can’t forget it.” Shen Yuan argued, “But it’s not because it’s of a better quality. It’s just easier to shock people with the injustice of it all when things end badly.”

Shen Qingqiu did agree with that to an extent. “Where are you taking us now?” He asked as Shen Yuan led them out of the building to a waiting car while he tapped away at his communication device. Hmm… there must be a way then to reserve the taxis in advance. 

“You wanted a tequila sunrise right? So we’re going to a bar, like a modern uh… tavern? Drinking house? Inn?”

Shen Qingqiu snorted and even Liu Qingge looked a little amused but they climbed into the taxi after Shen Yuan without a protest. 

*

“Qingge?” Shen Qingqiu’s tongue felt very thick, “How long have we been here? When did we arrive?”

“We’ve been back at Shen Yuan’s for an incense stick.” Qingge smiled. It was a very fond expression. Shen Qingqiu wanted it all the time. “You fell asleep in the taxi back.”

“Mm, I’m tired.” Shen Qingqiu agreed. Falling asleep seemed to be a good idea. 

“You need to drink water, that’s what Shen Yuan said.” Qingge propped him up to sit on the bed of Shen Yuan’s second bedroom that Shen Qingqiu really didn’t think he needed but wasn’t going to complain about now. “You can’t clear the alcohol with qi so you need to drink a lot of water to sober yourself so you don’t feel terrible tomorrow.”

“Ugh.” Shen Qingqiu closed his eyes, “Why am I drunk? I don’t want to be drunk anymore. Qingge make it stop.” He batted weakly at Qingge’s chest and cursed himself in his own mind. 

It made Qingge laugh, “I’ve never seen you drunk before.” When Shen Qingqiu opened his eyes Qingge’s own were curled into crescents in amusement. 

“I hate not being in control.” The words spilled out easily. Shen Qingqiu suddenly wanted to tell Qingge everything. Everything he could possibly think of.  

“I know.” Qingge guided a cup of water to his lips while Shen Qingqiu was still thinking of things to tell him, “Drink.”

Shen Qingqiu drank the whole thing because he didn’t want to be drunk anymore. The room was spinning and it was miserable. He was miserable. 

“I’m miserable.” He told Qingge. 

“What can I do?”

“Sit with me, it’ll pass.” It would. Shen Qingqiu knew that now. Everything would pass. Nothing lasts forever. Not even unhappiness. 

Qingge wrapped his arms around him and sat. 

“Qingge,” Shen Qingqiu poked him, “Is there anything you want me to do for you? Anything at all. I’ll do it.” He felt like he had so much more to say than his stupid drunken mouth could express. 

“There’s nothing.” Qingge told him. 

Shen Qingqiu poked him harder, “Anything.” He was having trouble thinking about appropriate anythings to name, but there definitely was something. Qingge was near perfection but he still had wants and needs. Shen Qingqiu could and would do anything for him, Qingge needed to be more demanding. 

“You need to be more demanding.” He told him sternly. 

“I’ll let you know if I think of anything.” 

“Promise?”

“Mm.”

“Okay.” Shen Qingqiu tried to stand and almost fell over. Qingge caught him. 

“What do you want?” Qingge asked. 

“More water. I want to no longer be drunk.” Shen Qingqiu felt that this was very important, “Where’s Shen Yuan?”

“Outside in the main room-”

Shen Qingqiu stumbled past him into the main room where Shen Yuan was sitting on the soft daybed. 

“I need to be sober.” He declared, “What does your world have?” 

Shen Yuan startled when he appeared but rallied quickly. “Eating usually helps? I can order some food.”

“Do that.”

“Coffee is meant to help too. I don’t have any but I can order that if you want it.”

Shen Qingqiu didn’t know what coffee was. 

“Do it.” He said imperiously as he stumbled off to the kitchen to drink more water until he felt a little sick. 

Qingge followed. 

“I feel sick.” He told him, “I drank too much water.”

“There’s no such thing where alcohol is involved.” Shen Yuan had also gotten up and followed them, “Hangovers are caused by dehydration.” He was reading off his little communication box, “So if you stay hydrated you won’t feel as bad tomorrow.”

“Mm, more water.” Shen Qingqiu decided. 

“Wait a little, Shen Yuan ordered food.” Qingge cautioned, “You said you felt sick.”

“Mm.”

“Throwing up could help?” Shen Yuan suggested, “To purge the alcohol?” 

Shen Qingqiu considered it and found that it sounded like a good idea. He marched off to the bathroom. Best to do it there. 

Qingge followed, “Qingqiu I don’t think-”

It was too late. Shen Qingqiu had put his fingers down his throat and already began to throw up everything into Shen Yuan’s bath. Presumably it would be easy to clean. 

Qingge came over and gathered his hair and held it back. Shen Qingqiu felt tears prick his eyes and told himself it was the force of the vomiting and nothing else. Oh who was he trying to fool? Qingge was taking care of him and as always had cored him like an apple. The first time Qingge had taken care of his wounds when they were disciples he was terrible at it, but somehow the rudimentary bandages and badly applied poultices had tugged at Shen Qingqiu’s heart in a way that made him red-eyed with something that wasn’t physical pain.

“Qingge I love you so much.” He said croakily when it seemed the vomiting had ceased, “I’ve loved you since our first kiss.”

When he looked back at Qingge the other was bright pink. 

“Do you believe me?” Shen Qingqiu pressed but then felt his stomach convulse and had to throw up again before he heard an answer. 

Qingge gently began to braid his hair away from his face. “How are you feeling?”

“Disgusting.”

“Here.” Qingge passed him the cup of water, “Rinse your mouth, do you feel more sober?”

“No.”

“Okay. Do you-”

“The food’s here!” Called Shen Yuan.

“Maybe food will help.” Qingge helped him stand up and rinse his mouth and wipe his face before leading him back into the main room to sit at the table and eat the food that Shen Yuan had ordered. 

It smelled oily, it looked oily, but something about it also appealed very much to Shen Qingqiu’s obviously muddled mind. 

Shen Qingqiu picked up a piece of the fried chicken with his hands the way Shen Yuan indicated he should and took a bite. It was good. 

“Qingge, try it, it’s good.” He nudged Qingge to try a piece before going back to his own. 

“So…” Shen Yuan was sipping a cup of what seemed to be tea and not touching the chicken. Shen Qingqiu had noticed that he wasn’t someone with a big appetite. “Wild night.” He pushed a clear cup of brown liquid at Shen Qingqiu, “This is coffee, it can sober people up. It’s a little bitter though. I got you an iced one because I thought it might be refreshing.”

Shen Qingqiu took a sip. It tasted like bitter medicine but it was refreshingly cold and felt like it was clearing his head. He took another sip before returning to the food. 

“So you guys can usually control how drunk you are with spiritual energy?” Shen Yuan asked. 

Shen Qingqiu finished his bite before answering, “Most people don’t bother since they’re degenerates who love being drunk. Other cultivators can also tell if you’re doing it so it’s considered rude. To avoid all that fuss I throw my drinks.”

“Throw them?”

“Pretend I’ve drunk them, especially at diplomatic events. Everyone becomes so offended when you don’t drink, it’s all fake of course. People just want to torture each other.”

“People actually do the same in my world.”

Shen Qingqiu made a face, “Human nature doesn’t change.” He took another sip of the coffee.

“You actually just got very sleepy.” Shen Yuan said, “One minute we’re sitting there arguing about the film and the next you’re saying you want to go to bed. You fell asleep in the taxi too.”

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t have it in himself to be embarrassed by that, “I could have been a violent drunk. I’m sure my “scum villain” presentation predisposes me to that. Be grateful I wasn’t attempting to beat up the other patrons, wandering around picking petty fights and committing various crimes.”

Shen Yuan actually laughed at that.

Shen Qingqiu saw Qingge finish his first piece of chicken and picked up another to push into his hands, taking the bone away. “Eat slowly.” He reminded him, “This food is so heavy and oily,” He turned to Shen Yuan, “Aren’t there any vegetables?” 

“Uhh… I think I have some old cabbage in the fridge? I didn’t order any vegetables, they’re not really considered drunk food.”

Shen Qingqiu wasn’t impressed. 

He thought back to his perusal of Shen Yuan’s kitchen earlier and, feeling remarkably more sober, got up and went to the kitchen to dig around in the cold box for the ginger. Once he found it he quickly broke it into pieces and peeled then sliced it up before setting it in a pot with water and putting it on the stove. 

“What are you doing?” Shen Yuan asked, having come in to likely supervise him from destroying all his appliances. As if Shen Qingqiu would. He wasn’t incompetent. He had been a servant once upon a time and even as a disciple making tea was practically his daily doctrine. 

“Making ginger tea, it’s good for digestion.” He explained, leaving the pot to slowly boil. “Qingge likes that chicken and he’s going to eat far too much of it and then feel ill tomorrow.” He resists the urge to tack on “that idiot”. 

“You’re really different from the version of you in PIDW.” Shen Yuan comments, leaning against the countertop. 

“I’m the same person.” Shen Qingqiu says, not even testily. “Whatever you read was through the eyes of someone that hated me, if I was describing someone I hated you should take it with more than a pinch of salt. I certainly wouldn’t wax lyricals about their better qualities, in fact I’d slander them as much as I could.”

“That makes sense. I guess everyone is really the unreliable narrator of their own life.” Shen Yuan seemed to consider this a clever point to make. Shen Qingqiu didn’t bother to tell him that he was exceptionally slow on the uptake. 

Shen Yuan was young. That was more than exceedingly obvious now that he was seeing the man in his original body. He had only recently lost his baby fat and the way he spoke, acted, thought, all displayed just how young he really was. Shen Qingqiu realised that judging his age now, he was actually more a peer to Luo Binghe than he was to Shen Qingqiu himself or Liu Qingge. 

So he was young and by the looks of his living situation, indolent and spoiled, but also desperately lonely and somehow entirely unaware of that. 

“You need to find something to do with your days lest you melt into a puddle of idleness.” He told the man critically as he watched the water start to boil. “You have the resources to live a life exploring your own interests, how many are truly that lucky? Don’t waste the time you have. I can’t think of a single thing more pathetic.”

Shen Yuan makes a face, “Coming into my own home and reading me for filth, so polite.”

“I’m correct and you know it.” The water was properly boiling now. “Now go and speak to Qingge, ask him about his monster hunting expeditions, he has some good stories to tell. You two recently went on some expedition to watch a nest of featherless eagle-hounds hatch.”

Shen Yuan’s face lit up, “Cool.” And then he was gone. 

Shen Qingqiu watched the ginger water bubble. He was remarkably more sober now than he was previously and while he knew abstractly that he should feel embarrassed at the way he had acted, he in fact felt nothing. Qingge was the one person he needed no airs or armour in front of. Had it really taken so long for him to think that out loud? Maybe he had shied away from that because he had always thought it rooted in Qingge’s lack of power. He was discomfited that he might consider his ownership over Qingge a licence to not think of him as a threat like most powerful and stupid people did of those under them. 

However it wasn’t the whole truth. Shen Qingqiu was a cold person but all the years spent together meant something. Qingge was always honest with him and Shen Qingqiu was able to know him well enough that by now very little Qingge did surprised him. So he trusted him. It was nice. 

Shen Qingqiu is likely still a little drunk. He leans his forehead on his hand and contemplates how his life has become this. 

The ginger tea is ready by this point so Shen Qingqiu turns the heat off and finds a ladle that he uses to scoop the liquid into three separate cups. This Shen Yuan is somehow less aggravating than the one in his world and can be given some tea as a reward for hosting. 

He puts the cups on a tray and brings them to the receiving room where Shen Yuan is asking Qingge enthusiastic questions about a hunt he did when a disciple. Qingge is relaxed by the familiar environment even with Shen Yuan having a different face, and their conversation flows as easily as it always does. 

“Here.” Shen Qingqiu puts the tray down on the low table and then pressed Qingge’s cup into his hands, “Drink it while it's hot.” He picks up his own cup and then makes a gesture to Shen Yuan’s, “If you want it.”

Shen Yuan smiles at him, “Thanks, that’s really nice of you.” He picks it up. 

Shen Qingqiu sits down and watches as Shen Yuan and Qingge restart their conversation. It’s nice to see Qingge interact so easily with someone, be it this Shen Yuan, his Grandmother, his sister, or even their own Shen Yuan. 

Qingge looks at him, eyes darting to his while Shen Yuan speaks, and smiles. Shen Qingqiu smiles back, almost helpless in drunken, muddled adoration for a moment. 

He is tired. As he sips his tea he feels the keen weight of everything. Having his qi sealed and then being trapped. Using Xin Mo’s shard and ripping a way through to this world. Waking up and then making his way to Shen Yuan’s dwellling. Then finally the first explorations of this world. It’s been a long day and he finds his eyes drooping slightly. He wants a bath and then to sleep. Or maybe sleep first and then everything else afterwards. 

“Qingqiu?” 

“Mm.” His eyes have closed at some point. 

“I’ll get you to bed.” 

Shen Qingqiu must make some noise of affirmation because Qingge gently plucks the cup out of his hands and then picks him up and carries him to the bedroom they were in before. It should be embarrassing but it’s Qingge so it’s not.

“I’m dirty.” Shen Qingqiu complains. 

“You can wash tomorrow.”

“Mm, fine.” 

Qingge makes a movement like he’s going to get into bed as well though Shen Qingqiu knows he’s not tired yet. 

“Go and talk to Shen Yuan, I’m just going to sleep.” He says, turning over onto his side. 

“Okay.” Qingge brushes a hand over his hair before leaving the room and closing the door behind him. 

Shen Qingqiu falls asleep very quickly. 

*

He wakes when Qingge comes to bed. 

“Qingge?”

“Sorry I woke you.”

“Mm, it’s alright.” Shen Qingqiu feels far more rested and significantly more sober. He really had been very drunk, “Did Shen Yuan go to bed?”

“He says he usually stays up far later but it’s been a longer day for him than he usually has.”

“Not much excitement to his life, is there?”

“No.” Qingge pauses, “He has health problems.”

“Health problems?”

“He’s naturally weak, since birth apparently. Exerting himself too much can be detrimental. We didn’t talk too much about it.”

“Hmm, it would explain why he spends all his time as a shut-in.” Shen Qingqiu reached out and pulled Qingge into bed, making him land with a little noise that he would likely stifle around anyone else. 

He then climbed half on top of him so he could wind his entire body around Qingge’s; lace their legs together and wrap his arms around his neck. He was right, being in another world was a lot more fun with Qingge even with the drunkenness and vomiting and embarrassing admissions. 

Qingge was soft and pliant and even held Shen Qingqiu back. He really was so good. 

“Do you like this world?” He asked. 

Qingge seemed to consider it, “It’s different.” He said, “Visiting is good but I don’t think it would suit me forever, I don’t see what my place here could be.”

“There aren’t any secondary genders in this world. No one would look at you and see an omega, no challenges, nothing like that.”

Qingge didn’t seem bothered, “I don’t mind.”

“Really?” They’d had this conversation before and Shen Qingqiu was never able to understand Qingge’s point of view. Maybe this time will be different, “Do you really not care?”

“I like my life.” Qingge said, honestly and sincerely. 

Shen Qingqiu still didn’t understand it, “But what if it could be better? What if you were Lord of Bai Zhan Peak? What if there were no secondary genders or… what if I was your omega and you were the alpha?”

“No.” Qingge says immediately, “It’s better that you’re the alpha. I’m careless, you’re much better at looking after me than I think I would be with you.”

“You would be good.” Maybe he would be careless but Shen Qingqiu knows they’d have other serious problems. He’d be a disaster as an omega. He’d be even more bitter, even more difficult, he’d hate Qingge to the core and nothing would change that. He’d be a terrified cornered animal with no safe harbour that would bite any hand, kind or cruel, that reached for him. He doesn’t want to consider what his thoughts would look like. The image scares him a little. 

“I like being your omega.” Qingge says, honestly. Shen Qingqiu doesn’t understand why.  

“Really?”

Qingge makes an affirmative noise, “I thought I would be an alpha but there was always a possibility I would be an omega or beta. If I didn’t prepare for that then it was my own arrogance. You took good care of me. I was never afraid with you there.”

A lump forms in Shen Qingqiu’s throat. 

“It’s horrible though.” Shen Qingqiu says, honestly meaning it. “To be owned and treated like a thing. I hate it.”

Qingge considers it, “Sometimes it’s annoying, but the people that are important to me don’t see me that way.” Qingge pauses before continuing slowly yet confidently, “If you lost a challenge and I was taken by someone else, I would kill them and leave. If they couldn’t physically stop me then I wouldn’t stay. Even during the challenges, if there was a real danger you would be killed I don’t think I could hold back. I know it would only make things worse to interfere but if I was there and you were going to die I would act. I was lucky, you never put me in a position where I had to break the rules, you made sure things were always easy for me.”

The lump hasn’t receded, it’s only somehow become harder to swallow against. 

“What did you think after we mated, when you woke up and saw me?” He’s never asked before. 

“I thought that I ached a little but I was warm and felt clean. I wondered why you were sitting so far away.”

“Did you ever regret it?” He asks even knowing that regretting isn’t in Qingge’s nature. 

“No. But I know you saw that it was… hard. I didn’t realise how much things would change especially when I didn’t feel so different. You were the only person that treated me the same in the Sect.”

“You mean I was the only one that treated you rudely and indelicately?” 

“Mm. My place in the world had changed, and my place in your estimations had changed by us mating, but it felt that to you I hadn’t changed.”

“Yes.” Shen Qingqiu has to agree.

Qinge shifts and the look on his face is one Shen Qingqiu has seen rarely but does know, “I used to think that even if I was a beta, or an alpha, and you loved me, that you would treat me the same to how you treat me as an omega.”

Shen Qingqiu props himself up on his elbows so he can stare at him. He never thought… but in a way… Shen Qingqiu is so unpracticed with care that he really only knows how to love in one way. 

“Did you, do you, like the way I treat you?”

“Yes.” Qingge looks so honest. He’s always honest. It has to be true. 

Shen Qingqiu settles back down next to him, “But it was still hard.”

“I didn’t like a lot of things,” Qingge admits, “But they were normal so I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel.”

“Things like what?” Shen Qingqiu thinks he already knows. 

“Not being able to speak to people, asking for permission, having to kneel by your chair. I knew it was normal, I just wasn’t used to it. I never thought about omegas when I was growing up.”

“Your Aunt is an omega, isn’t she? And one of your cousins?”

“Mm, her husband married in. They keep to themselves. Mingjing is also an omega, he lives in Grandmother’s courtyard. He does what he wants in the estate because it’s just our family. He doesn’t leave often.”

“Your family isn’t strict.”

“There aren’t many omegas, maybe five total and I suppose,” Qingge frowned as he considered, “Within the estate there are no serious restrictions. But everyone but Mingjing is mated. He’s still young.”

“Not that young.”

“He’s not ready.”

“Were you ready?”

“I think I was… unprepared.” 

That’s an extremely mild way to put it. Shen Qingqiu still remembers the mostly bewildered expression on Liu Qingge’s face as he had started going into heat before instinct had taken over and he had jumped Shen Qingqiu, the closest alpha, and rubbed his face all over his neck in an uncoordinated move that was less sexy than everyone had said it would be. 

“You were.” Shen Qingqiu is brought back to how unprepared he had been as well and all those small lessons they’d both had to suffer under together until they could finally make their own rules, “So was I. I always felt that I wasn’t giving you what you needed.”

“I think,” Qingge pauses very thoughtfully, “That whatever you gave me would be what I needed. Maybe it’s because I’m an omega, when you made decisions it never felt wrong to me. You’re good at being an alpha.”

Shen Qingqiu can’t dare believe it. But maybe he should.

“For me it’s not about being an objectively good alpha by whatever nonsensical standard others have set, I would never have taken a mate if it wasn’t for you. I want you to be… happy.”

“I am. I like our life.” Qingge says plainly and that’s that. 

Shen Qingqiu curls around him more fully and closes his eyes. 

“Tomorrow I want to go to a restaurant.” He tells Qingge sleepily, “I want to go to a few different restaurants and try all the food we can’t get at home and then I want to walk around and look at the shops. And then I want to get another milkshake. They had a lot of different flavour options.”

Qingge laughs a little sound of agreement. 

They both sleep easy that night.

*

“Where the hell have you guys been?!” Shen Yuan welcomes them back to Qing Jing with a flurry of arm movements and loud questions. 

“Mm, Qing Jing is still standing. I’m impressed.” Shen Qingqiu can’t help but say for the way Shen Yuan bristles. 

“I even sent poor Binghe out to look for you guys! He’s knee deep in some swamp right now because I thought that maybe you’d caught in that miasma that’s apparently coalesced above those western marshlands and been sucked into the mud!”

Putting aside the… insanity of Shen Yuan believing that could possibly have happened Shen Qingqiu focuses on the more important point. 

“So he’s not on Qing Jing right now? Wonderful.” Shen Qingqiu just smiles wider as Shen Yuan puffs up even further in his outrage. 

“So you’re not going to apologise for vanishing off the face of the Earth for far longer than the “two days” you said you would be gone?”

“Sorry we worried you.” Qingge says and that predictably caused Shen Yuan to deflate. 

“It’s alright Liu-shidi, I know it’s not your fault.” He fixes his (not that intimidating) glare on Shen Qingqiu, “Well?”

Shen Qingqiu hums, “It’s an interesting story.” He then peers at Shen Yuan’s face, “Though first of all I do have to say that this face might actually suit you more than your original one, the bone structure was a little off.” 

At Shen Yuan’s expression he can’t help but laugh. 

Qingge puts a hand on Shen Yuan’s shoulder to stall his outrage at Shen Qingqiu’s (very fair) comment and begins to explain their actual journey with all the exploration of Shen Yuan’s original world that it entailed. 

Shen Qingqiu tunes them out and sweeps his eyes over Qing Jing. Everything looks to be in good order which means that he should leave Shen Yuan to manage things even more often. In fact… 

“Qingge,” He calls his attention back as he's finishing up the bare summary of what they had gotten up to in Shen Yuan's old world, “We never finished our journey up the East Coast, we should go.”

Qingge looks back at him and for a second there's a rare surprise in his eyes before he pinkens very slightly. “Alright.”

“Let’s go.” Shen Qingqiu takes his hand and begins to tow him back down the path off Qing Jing and then Cang Qiong. 

“You guys are leaving now?! No way! Get back here! I’m not doing all your work while you’re gone! Asshole! I’m not Qing Jing’s babysitter! I’ll burn your peak down! I’ll spoil your disciples! I’ll let a short haired monster loose in the bamboo house! Get back here!”

Shen Qingqiu just laughs, keeps hold of Qingge’s hand, and lets Shen Yuan’s outrage become the fading backdrop to his and Qingge’s next adventure.