Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Destruction laid before the eyes of the mad anthropomorphic pizza, as the warm gust of wind blew against his side in a dramatic way. Seemingly unbothered, even when he was face-to-face with everything he had worked so hard to create, Pizzahead whimsically hummed a tune to himself, as he blew bubbles out of the old-timey pipe that was in between his cheesy lips.

"Eeyup… Shoulda bought that insurance plan when I had the chance. Oh well! No sense in crying over all over the interdimensional gateways I had to the multiverse! Better start by cleaning this mess up!" Pizzahead said cheerfully to himself, before reaching into the back pocket of his blue overalls. Pulling out several powerful artifacts out of his pocket by mistake, including golden gauntlet capable of snapping out half the life within a universe, and as well as a special cup capable of granting whatever magical wish he could want, eventually Pizzahead was able to find what he had been looking for: one comically large broom.

Continuing to whistle to himself, Pizzahead was completely relaxed and feeling good about taking the initiative to clean up the debris left behind by his destroyed "Pizza Tower", and thought that he was doing the environment a favor when he pushed the entirety of his tower's crumbled remains off the cliff slide.

Patting his white-gloved hands together— congratulating himself on another job well done— Pizzahead took out an ordinary zipper from his pocket, and held it up in between his fingertip and thumb as he made his way toward where the center of his tower had once been. Placing the zipper against the grass, Pizzahead zipped open a black void that tore through the fabrics of their reality. Kneeling down, the man stuck his cheesy arm straight into the abyss; blindly feeling around into his pocket dimension, until finally finding what he needed.

"YOINK!!!" Pizzahead screamed out loud with a mentally-unhinged smile spread across his cheesy face, before pulling an unsuspecting looking white to-go box from the recesses of his most secured pocket dimension. Zipping the tear in the universe with a half-hearted toe-kick, Pizzahead was sweating bullets down his cheesy face as his gloved fingers trembled with excitement. "Hehehehe! Finally! I'll be back in business; bigger, better, and-?!"

"-TOTINO!!!" A deep, thunderous voice shouted from the direction of the cliff's decline, toward where all the redwood trees and floral were, over at the edge of the forest.

Immediately recognizing the deep Brooklyn-styled accent, Pizzahead's maddened eyes twitched nervously, while still smiling goofily as he instinctively clenched the white to-go-box in his gloved grasp. "Ah… Ceaser! What are the odds?!" Pizzahead asked aloud with a whimsical giggle, as he immediately spun around while poorly attempting to hide the box behind his back.

Storming his way over toward his bow-tie wearing younger brother, Caesar had his white sleeves rolled up above his elbows as he adjusted the light-blue tie that was dangling down from his collared shirt. Taking an angry drag from his cigarette, the mustached pizza was gritting his pearly whites at his nervous looking sibling; his thick-bushy brows furrowed above his narrowed eyes. "You're making a BIG mistake Totino! Okay?! De "Holy Cannoli" ain't gonna fill dat hole in your heart! Capeesh?!"

Sticking his tongue out past his cheesy lips, Pizzahead blew a raspberry at his older brother, before presenting the white to-go-box in front of the direction where Caesar was coming from. "You think I'm doing this for because I've got some sort of silly-willy bleeding heart, big brother?! Hahaha! I know we're sentient pizzas and all, but there's no need to be THAT cheesy, hehe!" Pizzahead said jokingly, as he slowly lowered his right hand away from the bottom of the box before sliding it into the side pocket of his denim overalls.

Being filled with righteous determination, Caesar knew that there was only one way that their confrontation was going to end, yet that still didn't stop the loving brother from trying to talk down his unhinged sibling. "Gah…! C-Come on, little brudder… Doan make me do dis; we're the "Pizza Bros" fawh cryin' out loud! Deadass here! What's mawh impawhtant than family, huh?! " Caesar cried out in his heavy Brooklyn accent, as tears began to well up in his fiery eyes, while he reached into the side-pocket of his own pair of crimson-red overalls.

Snickering cynically at how emotional his older brother was getting, Pizzahead placed the packaged Holy Cannoli down on the grass behind his shoes, before pulling out a massive seven-foot long pizza sword out of his pocket; it's handle and guard made out of cast iron, while the buster-blade itself was made entirely out of the sharpest crust and deadliest toppings know to pizza-kind. "Hehehe! Oh, wow! I didn't realize we were in a "Fast and Furious" movie! Pfffft! "Family", fuwah…! What a bunch of hoopla," Pizzahead scoffed, while rolling his eyes at how wishy-washy that word sounded to him.

Tensing up as he felt the air from his pepperoni-covered lungs flee from his parted lips, a dark-shadow was casted over Caesar's eyes, as he lowered his face slightly. "… Dis is your last chance, Totino. Doan make me do this, ya' dig?" Caesar pleaded with a heavy heart, as he donned his heavy-duty pizza-cutting chainsaw from his own side-pocket; holding the two-hundred pound weapon up, as he revved its motor to life with just one hardy pull of its pull-string. "Stand down… I won't tell yuh twice."

Enthralled by the call of battle, Pizzahead let out a manic laughter as he raised the pizza-buster out in front of him, with both of his gloved-hands holding its large cast-iron handle with all of his might. "AH HAHAHA, HA!!! Ah, and where would the fun be in that?!" Pizzahead demanded in an unhinged voice, as he slammed his mighty weapon down hard enough on the rocky-ground to create a large fracture that split the cliff in half.

Seeing the cheesy-power of his brother's sword expelling enough force to create a shockwave on its own; Caesar quickly reacted by pulling out a packet of chewing gum from his back pocket. Throwing the entire package into his mouth, Caesar was able to take off into the sky; leaping several hundred feet above the ground-shaking shockwave, just as it traveled into the woods behind him. Seeing the trees being blown to splintered shards, as each and everyone of them caught in the shockwave was derooted before exploding in the air, Caesar spat out his cigarette before looking down at the torn ground, where his brother was standing while pointing a loaded NERF gun up at him.

"So it's like dat den, or what?! FINE!!! CALL ME DE BURGUH KIN', BECAWZE YOU'RE ABOUT TUH HAVE IT YOUR FREAKIN' WAY!!!" Caesar bellowed out in a mighty Brooklyn voice, as he used his reality-warping powers to cut through the air at mach six speed; skillfully parrying each deadly foam-projectile that his younger brother was shooting at him from his plastic gun— each toy bullet having the force of a falling meteorite behind them.

"BURGER KING!?! HAHAHAHA!!! WHO THE HELL STILL EATS AT BURGER KING!?!" Totino screamed back with an amused tone in his voice, as he tossed the NERF gun at his brother's powerful rotating saw blade, before twirling backwards just in time to avoid being sawed in half. "YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS!?! YOUR PROBLEM IS THAT YOU NEVER LEARNED HOW TO TAKE A JOKE, DUMB-DUMB!!!" Pizzahead shouted back insultingly; smiling as he swung his pizza-buster's seven-foot long cheese-covered blade at his older brother.

"NGH, GWAH…!!!" Caesar cried out in his deep voice, as he felt pain shooting up from his arms the moment his pizza-cutter's rotating blade collided with his younger brother's powerful sword. "A-And yuh take EVERYTHING as a joke wise guy— GRRRAHHH!!!" Caesar roared out, as he leaped back toward his brother; parrying Pizzahead's pizza-buster for a second time, before catching his younger sibling off guard by kicking him square in the bow-tie. "… That's why no one's evuh gonna take yuh, or your stoopid freakin' towuh seriously!" Caesar scolded, as he stood over his younger brother, who was laying in the ground with his unhinged eyes staring back up at him.

"HEHEHEH, AH HAHAHA!!! Those are some BIG words, coming from you; "HAS BEEN"!!!" Pizzahead insulted with a wide grin across his sweaty-cheesy face, as he raised his large weapon up just in time to block his older sibling's pizza cutter from reaching him.

Narrowing his eyelids closed, while sparks from his rotating saw-blade collided against the extremely durable ingredients that made up his younger brother's two-handed sword, Ceaser used all of his might to press his automated weapon down against Pizzahead's sturdy buster blade. "Ggghhh…! N-Not now, N-NOT EVER!!!" Caesar cried out with tears pouring down his cheesy-cheeks, from the corners of his angered and heartbroken glare.

Seeing his younger brother's noodle arms beginning to tremble underneath his raw strength, Caesar was fully prepared to carry the weight of having his brother's tomato-sauce blood on his gloved hands, but that's when all of a sudden Pizzahead lifted his hips up to use his big-clown shoes to hold the flat-side of his crusted blade against the rotating saw blade; freeing his hands, and giving him a chance to whip out a fly swatter from his front pocket. "KA-POW!!!" Pizzahead shouted with a hardy laugh following suit, as he whacked Ceaser on the face hard enough to splatter the cheese off of his face.

Grunting in pain, that second of disorientation Ceaser felt was all that his younger brother needed to turn the tide of the battle. Using the might of his powerful legs, Pizzahead kicked upwards against the side of his pizza-buster's blade; causing the rotating saw of his older sibling's automated pizza cutter to fly backwards. Screaming ferally in agony, as the steel-saw of his own weapon began to violently slice through his face and tear open the back of his crust, Caesar attempted to get a hold of his rouge weapon, but was immediately stopped the moment his abdomen was impaled with all seven feet of Pizzahead's custom buster blade.

With half of his face mutilated, and the tomato sauce from his veins pouring out of the intrusive blade that was his body was skewered on, Caesar used his one good eye to look back into the maddened face of his hysterically entertained brother; tears pouring out of his left eye, as his vision began to fade. "Oh… Dis freakin' sucks,'' Caesar uttered out wearily, as he collapsed onto the ground with the pizza-buster sword still impaled inside of him.

After dropping the handle of his newest weapon, Pizzahead took a moment to point and laugh at his fatally wounded brother's expense. Squatting down, Pizzahead extended his arm out to turn off the motor inside of Caesar's pizza cutter, before retracting his cheesy appendage back to his side; smiling smugly, as he basked in his victory. "Oh dear, oh dear… Look what you've gone and done now, big brother; you've forced my hand! Now why did you have to go and do that, hmmm~?" Pizzahead asked sarcastically, as he flicked his older sibling's elongated blue nose, before letting out a sigh as he stood up to begin dusting himself off.

Cut up and bleeding tomato sauce out of his abdomen, Caesar laid on his side while panting heavily; watching with what vision he had left in his one good eye, as his younger brother whimsically began whistling a tone as he strolled back over to where he had left the divine packaged artifact. "T-Totino… D-Doan do it, ya d-dig…?" Caesar pleaded with what breath he could muster; narrowing his eyes from the light that blindly radiating from the white to-go-box that Pizzahead had popped open with ease. "I… I know dere's still good inside of your heart, little brudder; doan fawget… D-Doan fawget about de pizza boy who yuh used to tuh be… De pizza boy day de freakin' children looked up tuh…"

Listening to his older brother's heartfelt words, Pizzahead casually tossed the empty to-go-box off of the side of the cliff, before making his way back over to where Caesar was in the midst of dying; stepping all over the torn terrain with his big ol' brown clown shoes, until he came to a stop within a few feet from his brother's bleeding face. "… Heh… You had the gall to call me idiotic, and yet here you are… Trying to appease a sense of altruism that no longer exists, by bringing up the very thing that started me down this path to begin with… What were you thinking?" Pizzahead asked with a condescending smile on his face, as he looked down at the sorry state his own brother was in.

Letting out a defeat sigh, while finding it increasingly harder to fill his lungs with air to speak, Caesar strained himself as he took in another breath. "What… What are yuh hopin' tuh accomplish, T-Totino…? W… What's wawhth killin' your own brudder fawh…?" The dying pizza asked, after having accepted that his own younger sibling had already made up his mind about going through with his own twisted plan.

Remaining quiet for about a minute— listening to his brother's wheezing breaths grow more quiet with each breath he struggled to take— Pizzahead broke the silence by letting out a cynical and saddened laugh underneath his breath. "… If I told you I just wanted to live a happy life… You'd laugh at me… Wouldn't you?" Pizzahead asked with absolutely no sense of humor or joy in his voice; something that Caesar hadn't experienced from his psychotic brother, ever since their original pizzeria closed down decades ago.

"… No… No I… I wouldn't," Caesar uttered out in a barely audible voice, as he slowly lost consciousness while his younger brother waited with him, until he had let out his final breath.

Holding the glowing cannoli that radiates with golden eternal warmth in his right gloved-hand, Pizzahead rubbed the palm of his left hand slowly against his cheesy face, taking in a deep breath, before slowly exhaling his negative feelings out with one therapeutic exhale. "… Hehehe, heh! Rest in pepperoni, BOZO!!!" Pizzahead chuckled, as he started to feel better after witnessing his older brother's demise. "Okie dokie! The moment has passed; time to get back to work," Pizzahead said out loud in a chipper voice, while beginning to eye the divine pastry that he held in his hand.

"… Now where was I? Oh! That's right! I was about to do THIS!!!" Pizzahead screamed with a maniacal look forming on his already deranged face, as he raised the Holy Cannoli up toward the sky; squeezing some of its ichor-filling out, and summoning a beam of pure light into the cosmos above. Cackling like a madman, Pizzahead was filled with manic excitement as he watched a massive rune formed in the stratosphere; the glowing white rune appearing like a constellation in the shape of a moon with angelic wings, as it began tearing open the fabrics of their reality.

"Hahahaha, ah! Yes… Yes! YES!!! I'VE DONE IT; IT'S FINALLY MINE!!!" Pizzahead shrieked with selfish joy filling his blackened heart, as clouds began to pour out of the massive swirling portal that began to cause an unrelenting rainstorm in the surrounding area. Descending out the fabric of what could only be described as a place that never was meant to exist in any realm of reality, a colossal white castle floated down towards where Pizzahead was standing; seemingly anchored to the Holy Cannoli itself.

All light from above vanished, leaving in its wake a massive and glowing heart-shaped moon that was forming in the thundering clouds behind where the white castle was levitating in the ominous sky. "Hello my new "Pizza Castle"; you'll be my very own slice of heaven… Literally," Pizzahead greeted his new flying establishment with a sense of awe filling his chest, before more of the Holy Cannoli's divine and infinite filling to terraform the destroyed cliff he had been standing on; creating a mountainous and jagged terrain made out of the same stark-white inside material that the castle was made out of, which surrounded the nearly ten-meter tall archway-portal that stood in the center of it all.

Basking in the promise of what awaited him, Pizzahead was snapped out of his triumphant victory the moment he felt something grabbing a hold of his pant leg. Trying to hide his annoyance and rage behind his psychotic smile, Pizzahead turned his entire head one-hundred and eighty degrees backwards, as he looked down at his persistent older brother, who appeared to be defying death for the sake of trying to stop his younger brother. "T-Totino… S-Stop-"

Interrupting his brother's nearly inaudible final attempts of trying to beg him to stop, even when Caesar himself knew it was pointless, Pizzahead knelt down to grab his older brother by the straps of his red overalls; picking him up so that they were face-to-face with one another. "DON'T YOU GET IT, CAESAR!?! "TOTINO" IS NO MORE; IT'S "PIZZAHEAD" NOW!!!" The furious anthropomorphic pizza screamed with every fiber of anger in his manic voice, as he marched his way past the active portal to where the edge of the terraformed cliff was.

"THEY'LL ALL BE AWED, WHEN I BECOME GOD; DROPPING THE FACADE, OF A PIZZA CLOWN!!!" Pizzahead shrieked with hatred in his reddened eyes, as he began to take heavy breaths while holding his older brother over the two-hundred foot drop; a sickening smile forming across his cheesy lips, as the ambitious and vengeful pizza boy slowly calmed down. "… Hahaha, eh haha— ahhh… It's just a shame that you won't be alive to witness me in all of my future glory, big brother," Pizzahead said in an evil and amused voice, as he began to slowly release his grip from Caesar's red overalls; one gloved finger at a time.

"I think you and I've spoken more than enough, big brother… Now… Do me a favor, and stay DEAD this time!" Pizzahead shouted with his eyes becoming intense, before he shoving Caeser's limp body away from him and off of the cliff. Leaning forward with a pair of binoculars raised up to his eyes, Pizzahead made sure to have eyes on Caesar the entire time as fell two-hundred feet down; lowering his binoculars only after witnessing his older brother's body laying still, over the remnants of his old crumbled tower.

"Finally… Hmph! That was actually beginning to get on my nerves!" Pizzahead chuckled to himself, as he whipped out his bubble pipe to begin blowing soapy suds out it to calm himself down. Turning around with his back facing toward the terraformed cliff's edge, Pizzahead went back to humming his favorite classic tune to himself, as he playfully strolled his way through the unnatural white-spirals that grew up towards the floating castle like towering stalagmites; stepping through the majestic archway, and into its the blinding cyan portal that was housing it.

And in the wake of Pizzahead's departure, the ever increasing rain clouds began to expand outward toward the surrounding area; raining down torrents of water down on the surface of the Earth, as the heart-shaped yellow moon behind the floating "Pizza Castle" began to ominously glow brighter.

Chapter Text

With Gustavo and his questionably-intelligent pet rat, Brick, watching him with varying emotions in their eyes, Peppino Spaghetti raised his hand out toward the wall; sweating bullets down his mustached face, as he was about to do the one thing he thought he'd never bring himself to do. Hesitating with his finger trembling just a mere inch away from the "on" button, Peppino was on the verge of having a mild panic attack as he stared back at the dusty-display of his air conditioner's control panel. "I…! I-I can't-a do it, Gustavo! I haven't even-a turned this thing-a on since the nineties; Dio santo, who even knows how much-a it costs-a to run this confound thing!" Peppino exasperated with a cartoony-nervous look on his sweating face.

Knowing that it was hard for his friend to bring himself to do something that would involve him willingly spending what little money he had, Gustavo exchanged a glance with his glassy-eyed rat, before thinking of what to say to motivate the fellow chef. "Carpe Diem, Peppino! Your little niece is going to be here in about thirty-a minutes! Come on Peps, she's from-a Canada; she isn't going to-a like it if it's less than at least seventy-five degrees here," Gustavo explained in his usual friendly demeanor, which only made Peppino's anxiety that much worse.

"Oh my goodness; you're-a right! Madeline— that-a poor girl— she's going to melt-a if I don't run this hunk of junk!" Peppino exclaimed with a horrified voice, as all he could imagine seeing inside of his panicked head was the image of his orange-haired niece melting into a literal pool in the middle of his dining area. Determined to ensure that his only niece would have the time of her life at his revitalized pizzeria, Peppino fortified his resolution as he stared with his usual crazed look at the control panel before his very eyes. "… Ai mali estremi, estremi rimedi— disparate-a times call for-a desperate measures!" Peppino declared with his heart racing inside of his chest, as he pressed down on the "on" button; letting out a painful whine when he forced himself to adjust the temperature all the way down to seventy degrees fahrenheit.

Proud of the milestone that his fellow chef had managed to achieve, going beyond even his and Brick's expectations, Gustavo and his pet Rat began clapping their hands together as Peppino stumbled back with a mentally exhausted look on his mustached face. "Ayo! Look at that Brick; ol Peps has finally managed to do the one thing-a that signifies the success of a business: turning on the damn AC!" Gustavo applauded, while beginning to snicker to himself at his own playful sarcasm.

Giving the short-statured chef a side eyed stare, Peppino rolled his eyes as he crossed his strong arms over his chest. "Don't-a get used to it, Gustavo; we're going back-a to "brick-oven temperatures" as soon as my niece catches-a her flight home," Peppino warned; smiling with a playfully smug look on his face, as he watched Gustavo and Brick become visibly disappointed with the news.

Looking over at his sniffling pet rat, who had a comedic and oversized single-tear coming out of the corner of his watery eyes, Gustavo gave Brick a reassuring pat on his furry back. "Aw don't you worry none, Bricky; that mean ol' chef is going to-a change his mind, once he realizes just how many-a customers are actually going to go start dining in when the place isn't feeling like-a sauna," Gustavo cooed to his distraught pet rat; while subtly giving Peppino a hopeful smile of his own.

"Eh, we'll see what-a happens," Peppino said with a shrug, as he let his arms drop to his side before reaching into his back pocket to pull out his notepad and pen. "Okay, okay; we gotta be-a focused here! We're so-a close to having everything-a ready, but we can't-a get too distracted here!" Peppino said with a sense of urgency in his voice, as he put a check mark beside the task he had just reluctantly completed.

'Let's see… We've already put up that brand-new LGBTQ-plus flag outside, and got some fresh strawberries for Madeline to snack on while we bake a pizza together… Turned on the AC, cleaned the dining room and got that pinball machine repaired… Oh!' Peppino thought to himself, as he took a double take at the filled out page on his notepad, before lowering it as he gave Gustavo a pleasantly-surprised look. "Huh, we're actually all-a finished! Guess we should-a check on "him"; make sure he hasn't-a broken anything yet," Peppino said with his smile becoming anxious once again, as both he, Gustavo and Brick began walking from behind the front counter, to the kitchen in the back.

"Aw hell, Peps; I think you're-a too hard on "Fake Peppino"! He's actually a whole lot more clever and competent than you-a give him credit for," Gustavo lightly scolded, as he and Brick both had confidence in the failed clone attempt that had taken up residence within Peppino's establishment.

Although Peppino had much to say about the topic, he decided to bite back on his words; lest he accidentally upset the child-like mind of his frog-like clone. "Let's-a just hope that's-a the case," Peppino said quietly, as the trio walked around the corner wall leading them into the kitchen area that was finally up to health-and-safety code.

Having expected no less, Peppino looked up with a deadpan expression on his mustached face, as he and Gustavo watched Fake Peppino hovering over the exhaust vents in the top of the wall, opposite to where the roaring fire of the brick-oven was. After having to constantly pick up melted pieces of himself off of the black-and-white checkered floor, Fake Peppino was both mystified and thrilled to have something to help cool his liquid-body off; especially after he had worked so hard on trying to cook his finished pizza, exactly the way his original counterpart had taught him to.

"See? What'd I tell you, Peps? The boy's showing-a promise," Gustavo stated proudly, as he pointed his finger over to the freshly-made combination pizza that Brick was trying to subtly make his way over to. "No! Don't touch-a that pizza, Brick! That one's not for you-a!" Gustavo scolded without sounding too mean, similar to how one would do with their beloved pet dog.

While Gustavo was having to pull the pizza-lusting rat away from the kitchen island-counter by the scruff of his furry neck, Peppino walked past the duo in order to inspect the finished product for himself. And upon realizing that the head chef was carefully eyeing every detail on his pizza, Fake Peppino let out a nervous gulp before letting himself fall down ten feet from the top of the wall; splattering into a liquid pool on the floor. Regenerating on the spot, the seven-foot tall imposter, Fake Peppino quietly muttered to himself "Whispers of much worries," before using his long legs to carry himself over beside his counterpart. "G-Greetings, Peppino Spaghetti! I have cooked the wonder bread to probable imperfection, and made myself unsure to chase down your list of demands to the worst of my disabilities!" Fake Peppino tried articulating in his voice that sounded more lively and cartoonishly upbeat, in comparison to Peppino's Italian-heavy accentuated voice.

Even though Fake Peppino usually spoke in a strange manner that made him unable to take phone calls, Peppino understood his clone well enough whenever he would talk, and in that instance he knew that the synthesized chef was trying to tell him. "Hmm! I can-a tell, Fake Peppino! Why, you even-a managed to get the crust the perfect-a this time; that's-a crucial for when you-a put the pie in, and when you-a take the pie out!" Peppino complimented with an excited tone in his voice; one that highlighted the parental pride he felt for his counterparts' success. "But let's-a have a taste, huh?! That's the most-a important part of selling these things!"

With how excited he was, Fake Peppino's left eyeball plopped out of his large-spacious eye socket; a wide smile that most would find unsettling spreading across his smooth-rubbery lips, as he watched Peppino carefully pick up one of his perfectly cut slices. "Screams of happiness! Steal a gander at the way the cheese fights for its very life~!" Fake Peppino said with a playful voice, while taking genuine pride at how creamy the mozzarella cheese looked when the Italian man pulled the slice away from the rest of the pizza.

"Yeah, I'll say…!" Gustavo said with hungry eyes, as he and his drooling pet rat watched as Peppino placed the hot-and-fresh slice of delicious combination pizza in his opened mouth; both him and Brick letting out envious whimpers, as they watched the head chef visibly enjoying every slow bite that he took. "H-Hey Peps, let Brick and I in on that action, eh?!" Gustavo stuttered out excitedly, before both he and his domestic stupid-rat lunged forward to make their move on the pizza.

Peppino had exactly two seconds to realize what was going on, before looking over his shoulder with his eyes bulging out of their sockets, as he watched a four-hundred pound sentient rat and his co-chef sprinting toward him at mach-three speed. "EYAAAAAOAOAOAOUHW!!!" Peppino screamed in horror, before immediately trying to stuff the rest of the half-eaten slice into his mouth, just as he was trampled over by the hungry duo.

Looking down with his drooping eye at Peppino, who was flattened out into a pancake against the floor, Fake Peppino used the one eyeball that was still somewhat held in his other socket to watch as Gustavo grabbed himself a single slice, while Brick began to double fist two slices of pizza into his gullet. "Joyful shrieking! It wouldn't seem as though my pizza-squeezing days aren't coming to an uphill beginning! It brings me so many pleasant emotions seeing you mercilessly devour my defenseless creation!" Fake Peppino cheerfully said, before reaching his noodly-arm down to poke a finger into his flattened counterpart, before inflating him into a floating ball that bobbed repeatedly against the ceiling.

That's when Peppino's newly hired financial adviser came walking out of the office room that was a part of the kitchen; being indifferent to the mischief that was going on in the kitchen, which involved Fake Peppino using his frog-like tongue to pull a slice into his monstrous gullet. Adjusting his spectacles that resided on top of the elongated bridge of his nose, Mr. Stick was tapping his large shoe against the floor with an unamused expression on his face; prompting the Brick to finish eating his forth slice, before using his long rat-tail to whip Peppino's inflated body, in order to deflate him back into his normal proportions.

"Mister. P.! What's the meaning of this careless spending?!" Mr. Stick asked in his nasally voice, as he raised a gloved hand up to point a thumb back toward the direction of where the front counter was. "I just got an alert on the computer, telling me that someone's been cranking down that AC to basically subzero temperatures; as if money was suddenly growing on trees!" Mr. Stick scolded, as the mere thought of turning on the air conditioner was enough to make him visibly upset.

While Peppino was trying to regulate his breathing back to its normal rhythm, Gustavo decided to speak up on his friend's behalf. "But uh, Mr. Stick, Peps' niece is-a going to be here in about half-an hour! She's from-a Canada; that's why we gotta get his place nice and cold for her," Gustavo explained, to which did nothing to sway Mr. Stick's money conscious heart.

"That's completely unnecessary, Mr. G.; I've already included an accurate forecast of the area, back when I sent that email to Ms. Celeste that had her digital itinerary attached to it," Mr. Stick argued, as he paid no mind to the way Fake Peppino and Brick were fighting over the last slice of pizza like two dogs playing a game of tug-of-war. "She's more than likely smart enough to bring an appropriate outfit for the summer, so why don't we just turn that blasted money-burning contraption off, before it starts eating away at this month's earnings?"

Letting out a cough into his sleeve, Peppino took in a deep breath before finally getting his lungs back to normal. "Let's-a not be so stingy, Mr. Stick! Madeline's my-a precious "topolina"; she deserves to be-a comfortable on her-a first day in the states!" Peppino argued back; pushing past his own stinginess for the sake of welcoming his precious niece with his best foot forward.

"Mr. P.— with all due respect— this place FINALLY just got out of debt; no easy feat, mind you! I understand you want to treat the little lady like she's royalty, but we gotta be smart about our finances! We can't afford to be more frivolous than we already have been; we're just not there yet, Peppino," Mr. Stick said with a heavy sigh; lowering his shoulders while trying his best to be reasonable with his new employer.

Although the fear of his pizza place going back down in the red had been weighing heavily on his mind, since the first moment Mr. Stick had excitedly told them that all of their hard work had gotten the pizzeria out of its financial troubles, the proud uncle wouldn't allow for his own insecurities to get in the way of showing his care for the niece he hadn't spoken to in a long time. "I know Mr. Stick, but-a my mind's been-a made up… Madeline, she… She-a hasn't had an easy life growing up-a the way she did. I… I want this to be-a special for her; to let her forget-a about her troubles while-a she's here with us!"

Even though Mr. Stick considered himself to be a logical and opportunistic person by nature, not even he was heartless enough to argue with Peppino about how hard his transgendered niece's life was; especially not after some of the stories he had heard about her from the Italian man himself. Using his white glove to face palm, Mr. Stick took in a deep breath through his long nose, before letting out an elongated sigh under his breath. "I… I know," the bald man muttered, before lowering his hand down as he began thinking of a way to let Peppino have his way, while still protecting what little savings their pizzeria had accumulated.

Even though Fake Peppino usually had a hard time picking up on social cues and didn't always know what to say, he himself had been looking forward to meeting Madeline; thinking of her as part of his extended family, and thus felt the need to improve everybody's mood for when she would arrive. "Hmmm… Mr. Stiff-"

"-Stick. It's "Mr. Stick", fella," the bald man quickly corrected; frowning as he heard Gustavo and Brick letting out stiffened chuckles after hearing the name "Mr. Stiff".

"Oh! Please accept my non-tangible apology, Mr. Stick; I meant not to insult your brain's hormones like that," Fake Peppino apologized with an optimistic and goopy grin across his smooth lips, before going back to what he was about to say. "In order to keep our vicious claws sunken deep into the quivering body of our pizzeria's paper-money stash, perhaps we can brainwash the paying men and women of the big city nearby into forgoing their savings onto us?! I can now breathe life into the miracle dough with my many liquid appendages, so we can increase our pizza output by threefold~!"

Genuinely surprised not only by the fact that Fake Peppino was almost beginning to form coherent sentences on his own, but that he had actually give him a worthwhile idea to consider, Mr. Stick exchanged intrigued glances with Peppino and Gustavo, before looking back at the crossed-eyed look on the clone's goopy face. "Advertising, eh? It's a risky game, Mr. Bruno… But you know what? That ACTUALLY might be what this joint needs to get us to the next level!" Mr. Stick said excitingly, as a profound idea popped into his head. "Hey Mister P., do you think we could get Miss Celeste onboard with being the face of our brand?"

Confused by where his financial advisor was going with his question, Peppino raised a brow at the lanky man before speaking. "I… I'd have to ask-a her later when she-a gets here, but… Why would-a she be-a the face of our brand? It's called "Peppino's Pizzeria", and last-a I checked she's not-a "Peppino"," the Italian chef pointed out, while still trying to think of a probable answer to his own question.

Realizing where Mr. Stick was going with his idea, Gustavo's beady eyes lightened up as he perked up with excitement. "Oh! You're wanting Madeline to be the face of this-a pizzeria, because of how easy she is on the eyes, and how cute she is compared to Peps, huh Mr. Stick?!" Gustavo asked happily, before looking back at the scowl Peppino was giving him. "Eh, sorry Peps, but it's the truth; your niece is the kind-a person I'd want telling me to buy pizza from! Us old guys, uh… We're better-a suited for the "behind-the-scenes" action," Gustavo admitted, to which Brick and Fake Peppino both silently nodded their heads.

And before Mr. Stick could begin moving onto the idea of having Peppino's niece be in charge of finally opening up a social media account for their business, all five of them within the kitchen perked up the moment they heard the bell above the front door ringing, signaling to all of them that someone had entered their establishment. Growing immediately anxious with excitement and fear of rejection, Peppino was sweating bullets as began making his way past Mr. Stick, and out through the door leading him from the kitchen, to behind the front counter.

Time seemed to slow down for Peppino, as his eyes laid upon the sight of his fully grown niece; her burnt-orange hair seemingly glowing underneath the glow of his ceiling lights, as her adorably cute face lit up the moment she saw him. "U-Uncle Peppino!" Madeline greeted with stars in her already sparkling brown eyes, as she held onto the leather straps of her large duffel bag she had on her back before rushing over toward where her gobsmacked uncle stood paralyzed with nostalgic memories flowing through his head.

'My "Little Mouse"… Look how much you've grown! Why I… I still remember the day that my sister had me hold you… Man, oh man; was I a nervous wreck when she made me do that… I think I might have been more anxious about dropping you, then I was about going to boot camp,' Peppino thought to himself, as he felt his niece wrap her arms tightly around his body, snuggling her cheek against his chest with all the affection her beautiful soul could give him.

'… That might actually be the last untarnished happy-memory that I made, before I got shipped off... And despite it all, I wouldn't want it any other way.' Feeling a shiver run down his spine, Peppino's heart was experiencing a comforting catharsis within it, as he thought back to how simple things were for him; before having gone through hell on the battlefield. All of the crippling anxiety his mind was beginning to spiral into melted away in his niece's loving hug; snapping him back into reality, and allowing him to finally stretch his arm around his petite niece's body. "It's… It's-a very nice to see you again, my topolina," Peppino finally greeted back with a genuine smile across his face, as he planted a kiss on the top of his niece's head full of orange hair.

Resting his face against the top of Madeline's head, it was then shortly after Peppino tasted something off on his lips where he had kissed the top of her head did he finally realize how soaked her matted orange hair was. "Santa Maria…! Madeline?! What-a happened?! Why are you-a so wet?!" Peppino asked with a confused expression on his face, as he softly broke their hug to allow himself to step back in order to get a look at how badly soaked his niece was.

Being used to wet weather, Madeline shrugged her shoulders as she smiled back in an unbothered manner at her uncle. "It's been raining since that intense storm rolled in when I got to the airport. Funny story, actually; my flight was the LAST one to land there! The other airplanes had to land elsewhere, from what I read online!" Madeline replied enthusiastically, before looking past Peppino's shoulder toward the opened kitchen door. "Oh? Hello there!"

Leaving Brick in the kitchen with Fake Peppino, as neither of the two humans wanted to get a feel for whether or not Peppino's niece would be comfortable around them, Gustavo and Mr. Stick made their way over to where the orange-haired girl was still standing. "Buonasera, young lady! You must be Pep's niece! We've been-a looking forward to finally meeting you!" Gustavo greeted with his usual friendly attitude, as he stuck his arms up to offer his hands out to Madeline. "Please, let me take-a your bag! I'll-a put it in the office; it'll be safe there!"

Although she wasn't necessarily worried about her uncle's new friends and co-workers being rude to her, Madeline was moved by how warmly she was being welcomed. "Aw, thank you Gustavo! My name's Madeline by the way; just in case my uncle didn't mention that yet," the Canadian girl replied, before taking her arms from the straps of her leather duffel bag, handing it to the short Italian man who was half her height. Seeing Gustavo become instantly flattened the moment she handed it to him, Madeline was about to panic when all of a sudden she saw the short chef lift her luggage over his head. "Uhhh?! G-Gustavo, uhh?! A-Are you alright?! That's not too heavy for you, is it?"

"Oh, not at-a all, Madeline! This is-a nothing compared to my pet rat! He weighs almost a quarter of a ton!" Gustavo reassured with a friendly laugh, while secretly trying to gauge Madeline's reaction to him mentioning Brick.

"A ton…? Oh, that's like… Two-hundred and twenty-five kilograms…! Oh wow! Do rats really get THAT big over here?!" Madeline asked with an astonished look on her face.

"Only the stupid-a ones do!" Gustavo replied back; his sincerity being confused with sarcasm by Madeline, who was left confused as she watched the short Italian chef carry all three-hundred pounds of her luggage back into the kitchen.

"Oh… Okaaaay?" Madeline said with an awkward chuckle, before immediately looking down at the gloved hand that was sticking out toward her.

"Good afternoon to you, Ms. Celeste! The name's Mr. Stick; happy to have you aboard!" The suited man greeted respectfully, while taking a moment to look back at Peppino's disapproving glare with a nervous smile across his face. "Uuhhh?! W-What I meant to say was that I'm happy to hear that your flight went accordingly; you never know these days, airlines have been unpredictable lately!" Mr. Stick corrected himself, letting out a relieved sigh the moment Peppino's angered expression went back to normal.

Recognizing his name from the email she had once been anxiously waiting for, Madeline's face lit up as she excitedly grabbed Mr. Stick's gloved hand; shaking it with her powerful grasp that astounded the orange-suited man. "Mr. Stick! Oh my God, I've been meaning to say "thank you" in person for the longest time! You wouldn't believe my older sister and our parents' reaction when I showed them that other email I got from you! "First-class", I wouldn't have ever thought that my broke-ass would have ever got to fly that!" Madeline said with a grateful tone in her voice, as Peppino raised a brow at the man whose hand was getting crushed by the overly-appreciative young woman.

Trying to hide how much pain he was in, while acknowledging Peppino's confused demeanor, Mr. Stick was sweating bullets as he felt Madeline unknowingly pop the bones in his hand out of place. "AHHH!!! UHHH?!? Y-Yeah- ngh! I-I f-f-FIGURED that w-w-e-e-eeee should treat you to that…! Since y-you were the one coming all t-this way to see us-YOOOWWWWW!!! I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW— I COULD LITERALLY CRYYYYYY!!!" Mr. Stick howled in agony, before immediately nursing his cartoonishly mangled hand after Madeline finally let go of it to turn around to once again wrap her arms around her surprised uncle.

'I know that this place has been doing better since I brought all four of them on, but first-class tickets from Vancouver to Aliso Viejo? That alone for a one-way fight must have cost upwards to two-thousand dollars! There's no way that we had enough money for that… Unless…?' Peppino's thoughts trailed off, as he stared at Mr. Stick, who was still in the midst of trying to painfully pop his fingers back into place. '… Son of a gun! Mr. Stick! Did you…?! Did you pay for that out of pocket?! All without me ever asking you to do that?!' Peppino wondered in his head, while seeing no feasible other way, other than that the usually stingy man had done something selflessly on behalf of his niece; all without ever mentioning it to the Italian chef.

Peppino's burning curiosity was answered when he saw Mr. Stick fighting through the pain long enough to give him a genuine smile; one that lacked any sort of ulterior motive behind it. Stunned by the shocking revelation, Peppino was left speechless for a brief moment, until Mr. Stick finally had to gesture for the chef to look at Madeline instead of him. "I-If you two will excuse me; I've gotta, uh… C-Check on the weather forecast; I didn't recall hearing anything about a rainstorm that was supposed to hit down today… I'll see what else the meteorologist got wrong," Mr. Stick said, while technically telling the truth about what he was planning on doing, right after running his gloved-hand underneath some cold water to prevent any cartoonishly-large swelling from occurring.

"Oh…! Uh, g-grazie Mr. Stick! I… I-I-a appreciate it, and… And everything else that you've-a done for us," Peppino said with a slightly choked-up voice; giving the lanky man a knowing-appreciated smile, before looking back down at where his niece was staring up at him with a large smile across her lips. "You and I have a lot of-a catching up to do, topolina…! But first-a, you probably want-a something to eat-a; not sure-a what they served you on that fancy-a flight of yours, but I guarantee-a you that it won't compare to what your uncle can-a cook for you!"

Nodding her head while bouncing up and down with childish excitement that she hadn't felt since she was younger, Madeline had both the hunger and drive to see what her uncle had in store for her. "Uncle Peppino, you have NO idea how excited I am to finally try one of your pizzas! Mom told me about how much you used to cook for her, back when she used to live with you!" Madeline mentioned happily, while recalling all the stories her mother told her about how she had been practically raised by Peppino.

Even though it pained him to think about the way his parents had passed early and had inadvertently left the responsibilities of raising both him and his little sister, Peppino still had fond memories of back then during those difficult times. "Ah, but-a those were just-a the pizzas that I brought-a home from the end of my-a shifts! Just-a wait until you get your hands on the kind of pizzas that-a I can make now! Or better-a yet, how's your uncle helps-a you make one? We can-a put whatever toppings that-a your little heart desires!" Peppino suggested, which made Madeline gasp out loud with excitement in her voice.

"Wait, wait, wait! Y-You're going to let me cook a pizza with you, Uncle Peppino?! Like, actually get to do it hands on, and not just watch you do all the cool stuff?!" Madeline asked with a big toothy grin across her lips, as she imagined herself getting to wear a chef's hat while tossing some dough up to form the perfect round-shaped crust.

Having originally planned on letting Madeline feel like she was contributing by giving her some menial task— like being the one to put the completed raw pizza into the oven, or letting her hand him the toppings— Peppino's heart began to nervously flutter in his chest, as he immediately thought about all things probable things that could go wrong if he were to allow his novice niece attempt to make the pizza with just his supervision. "… Y-Yes-a; of course! I wouldn't want it-a any other way!" Peppino said with forced eagerness in his voice, while watching as Madeline fisted-pumped the air with a fiery-passion in her brown eyes.

"Hell yeah, Uncle Peppino! Let's GOOOOO!" The hungry transgendered woman shouted with full on zeal in her voice, as she turned around to sprint into the kitchen; leaving behind a worried chef, who immediately began panicking upon remembering the fact that he had a four-hundred pound rat in his kitchen, along with a misunderstood yet terrifying clone of himself that wasn't all there in the head.

"W-Wait! T-Topolina-"

"-Greetings, Peppino Spaghetti's Canadian not-child! It is I, Peppino Spaghetti— TWO!!! Would you dislike a singular slice of my long-gone pizz-"

"-HOLY SHIT!!! UNCLE PEPPINO, THERE'S A FREAKIN' ELDRITCH HORROR INSIDE YOUR KITCHEN!!! OH, AND I FOUND A FAT ASS RAT WASHING HIS PAWS IN YOUR SINK TOO!!!"

"!?!"

"No, she wasn't talking about your weight, Brick! S-She was just making a metaphor about, uhhhh…?! C-Capitalism? Yeah! Let's go with that!"

"…"

"Mister Gustavo,I don't think Brick believed a word you just said."

"...!"

"Yes-a Brick! We all know you've been-a struggling to follow that ridiculous Keto diet you saw online! Wait! N-No, wait Brick; I didn't mean to call it "ridiculous"! WAIT!!!"

"!!!"

"Oh no, the large rodent is crying tears of insecurity all over the floor we didn't wax! Fear not every-nobody, for I shall drink his salty eye-droppings!"

Face palming as the calamity within the kitchen only escalated, Peppino braced himself for the headache that was undoubtedly going to have by the end of it. "Santa Maria… Here-a we go," the Italian chef muttered sarcastically to himself, as dragged himself into the middle of the fray to begin calming everyone down one-by-one.

Unbeknownst to everybody within the chaotic restaurant, the Earth quaked underneath the thousands of boots marching in the distance; an entire army that was approaching underneath the veil of the rolling black clouds that were heading in the direction of Peppino's Pizzeria. Armed with various weapons and tools, the shadowy-skinned, bipedal "primids"— all dressed in their matching brown gloves, shoes and olive-green bodysuits and hats— had their various glowing-red eyes focused on their assigned target.

Purple-and-black mist spilling out from behind the upper backs of the primids, at the short humanoid army marched onward under the guidance of mysterious "Ancient Minister", who was levitating above their massive platoon with their glowing yellow eyes focusing on the establishment he had been tasked to destroy.

Author's note: Instead of having Fake Peppino be unable to speak, or having him talk backwards, I figured it would be more entertaining to have him talk in a way that an alien would try to mimic human speech; that decision was heavily influenced by the way Fake Peppino talks in "Pizza Time Never Ends WITH LYRICS", by RecD on YouTube.

Chapter Text

The flaming contrasts of the blazing orange fires in comparison to the dark-gray puffy stacks of smoke rising up into the starless skies above were the two most prominent sights that Peppino remembered seeing, after his squad had been struck with an explosive rocket-propelled grenade. With his ears ringing and his vision disoriented, all Peppino could was the sound of his racing heart pounding away inside of his chest, as he scrambled up from the dirt; his mangled helmet falling apart from the top of his bleeding head, after it had been torn apart by shrapnel.

Panicked and trying to make sense of what had just occurred, Peppino tried to look around to find where the rest of his squad had gone, but only found pieces of them scattered across the battlefield around him. Not less than fifteen seconds had passed until the opposition began trying to blindly shoot through all the raging fire and sky-high stacks of black smoke that were obscuring their clear line of view, as the battle began to rage on.

And within that moment, with death seeming as though it were about to take him at any second, something inside of Peppino's terrified mind finally snapped; forcing the young Italian man to begin running as fast as he could away from the fray, with no direction of where to go. Crying hysterically with every burning breath feeling like it was his last, Peppino recalled not knowing for long he had been running at speeds beyond what should have been possible for him; all that he was ever capable of remembering was the administrative consequences that followed after he had been charged with being a deserter.

Snapping back to reality, Peppino was brought out of his spiraling episode the moment he finally noticed his niece waving her pale hand in front of his face. "Huh…? W… What was-a that, topolina?" Peppino asked with an uncomfortable tone in his face, as he blinked his dark eyelids while trying to focus on the present, instead of thinking back on the god awful memories that he usually was able to repress.

With a concerned look on her face, Madeline was left frowning in her white chef's hat as she stood behind the island counter, where she had spent a good five minutes trying to get her uncle's attention. "Oh, uh… I was just trying to tell you that I'm done putting the toppings on, Uncle Peppino… Did you want to take a look?" Madeline asked in a worried voice, as she gestured down at the uncooked pizza she had decorated with the help of Fake Peppino.

Although he was still feeling spacey and his movements felt sluggish as if he were in a dream-like state, Peppino was coherent enough to read the room, and quickly realized that Madeline wasn't the only one giving him a concerned look. Becoming immediately self conscious and embarrassed, Peppino began to sweat nervously as he tried hiding his feelings with a large-anxious smile. "Oh! Y-Yes! S-Sorry about-a that, Madeline; I was-a just thinking about something… L-Let's-a see how you-a did!"

Standing beside the orange-haired girl with a droopy smile across his uncanny face, Fake Peppino watched proudly with his unaligned eyes as the Italian chef made his way over to Madeline's opposite side. "Feast your optic nerves on her creation, Peppino Spaghetti! While you were off having the thousand-yard stare with your brain-thoughts distracting you, I have taught Madeline From Celeste all about how to properly roll and turn the dough-paste! I hope that the student has become the teacher~!" Fake Peppino excitedly explained, while hoping to receive praise from the Italian chef.

Focusing on the whimsical way that Madeline had arranged her finely chopped strawberries onto the freshly ground cheese, Peppino did his best to hide the terror he felt once he realized that she had made her pizza into a smiling face; an otherwise innocent decision that caused the traumatized man to immediately think back to his time within the Pizza Tower. Flinching as his mind began to flash images of Pizzaface chasing after him through the many different worlds that Pillar John had been forced to split up and anchor himself too, Peppino swallowed the lump in the back of his throat nervously, before slowly pulling himself away from his niece's handiwork.

No longer able to keep silent with what she was noticing, Madeline's thick eyebrows became furrowed as turned around to look the Italian chef straight in the eye. "Uncle Peppino... Sorry if I'm overstepping any boundaries, but... I'm starting notice that you seem to be struggling with something that's triggering you pretty bad. I mean... You haven't even been acting the same since I accidentally knocked down those logs," Madeline stated, as she gestured over to the brick oven that Gustavo had to clean up, after she had caused a large fire to erupt from where the logs had been neatly stacked upon one another.

While it was true that the roaring flames had triggered him, Peppino didn't want to share the burden of his traumatic past to his niece, who was already beginning to look like she was on the verge of having a mild panic attack herself over the debacle that he wasn't even upset at her for. "Oh, uh… D-Don't-a worry about your ol' uncle, topolina; I'm usually easily-a startled, it's just how I-a am," Peppino reassured, as he pushed his negative thoughts further into the recesses of his mind. "Anyway, you and-a Fake Peppino did a perfect-a job with decorating your-a pie! I-a don't even think I could have-a done much better!"

Even though Madeline was clearly able to see through the nervous man's ruse, Fake Peppino was more than ecstatic with Peppino's judgment. "Screams of success and awe! That is the second "P-Rank" that I have inherited on this very same day! Boy, oh boy; I believe that I am on a downward roll today to be a high roller~…!" The goopy clone chimed with his unnaturally long arms wrapping around his torso several times over, as he tried to mimic the way he had seen Madeline cross her arms over her chest.

"Thank you, Uncle; that's very kind of you to say… But…" Madeline trailed off, as she frustratingly averted her eyes away from Peppino's cartoonish stare, and down to where the checkered tiled-floor was. 'He's treating his obvious mental issues like they're burdens for him to endure in silence… It pains my heart seeing him like this… Maybe… Maybe I can help him? I'm here for the summer after all; might as well make the most out of it,' Madeline thought to herself; becoming visibly distracted herself, to the point where it was Peppino's turn to become concerned.

"T-Totolina…? Hey-a, M-Madeline? Madeline, are you-a okay?" Peppino asked, as he gently tapped his niece's shoulder to grab her attention.

"Hmm…? Oh! Y-Yeah, yeah… I'm fine, uncle," Madeline replied with a growing smile across her lips, while still having a saddened look in her beautiful brown eyes; one that Peppino recognized without any doubt in his mind. "Uh… So, like… Do we put this in the oven now, or how does that work?" Madeline asked curiously; changing the subject for the sake of her uncle, while still planning on discussing with him about his mental health when a more appropriate time presented itself.

Although part of him knew what Madeline was doing, Peppino was still thankful that the conversation was moving along, even though he knew deep down that it would only be a matter of time before his niece would bring up his issues later on. "A-Actually, you've got-a let the dough rise for forty-five minutes, before you let it refrigerate for four hours; that's-a an important step that your-a average run-of-the-mill chain-restaurant will-a often overlook," Peppino explained; beginning to feel better, after educating his niece about one of the few things that he was genuinely knowledgeable about.

Wanting to show off his own knowledge as well, Fake Peppino heard Madeline gasp as she watched his six-foot long arm begin to melt into the form of a goopy-lasso, as he slung his twenty-foot limb over to where a roll of Saran wrap was at. "It is vital in giving life to your dough that you use a non-porous, fitting-cover that will keep said dough from getting a cold, or from developing thick skin!" Fake Peppino said optimistically, as he dropped the saran wrap roll into Madeline's grasp, before his rope-like arm immediately was retracted back into his torso.

Although it was indeed strange to see the failed clone's six-foot arm reforming from the black liquid that was oozing out of his goopy shoulder, Madeline was still impressed with how much Fake Peppino had learned from her uncle, and was grateful that he had given her the Saran wrap instead of having her go fetch it on her own. "Haha, oh wow! Thanks Fake Peppino; you're really giving my uncle a run for his money," Madeline complimented, as she began to carefully measure out the transparent wrap in her hand.

Pretending to be jealous from hearing his niece comparing his clone's skills to that of his own, Peppino playfully rolled his eyes with a half-cocked smile spread across his lips. "Hey, give-a me some credit, eh?! I'm-a the one who-a taught this lug to cook good in the first place; you-a really should have-a seen some of the horrific things that he-a tried passing off as food," Peppino said, while giving his whimsical clone a hard time.

"… Oh! You are engaging the past time of camaraderie with me! A good sign that you and I are closer than roaches feasting on a festering corpse~!" Fake Peppino mused, after he had caught on to what his original counterpart was trying to do with him; without knowing that he had momentarily made both Madeline and Peppino uncomfortable with the mental picture that he had painted inside of their heads. "I shall take my turn now! Let's seeeeee~! Oh! I know! Madeline Celeste, it is humorous that you say that I give your not-father a run for his money, for he does not have a lot of it to speak of, hehe~!" Fake Peppino said with a wide grin across his rubbery lips, while earning himself an offended look from the Italian chef himself.

Finding Fake Peppino's attempt at humor to be endearing, as well as having a good-natured laugh at the comedically dirty look that Peppino was giving to his clone, Madeline was once again feeling as though things were momentarily back to normal. "Haha, ah! Ah, don't take it so personally, uncle; I'm actually pretty broke too! That mountain climbing trip really squeezed my bank account dry," Madeline said half-jokingly, while finishing up with covering her pizza with the plastic wrap.

Chuckling to himself, and not at his niece for being probably more poor than he was, Peppino thought back to the financial struggles he and his younger sister had endured, and about how they had made the best of it. "… Hehe, ah… Being-a bad with money must-a run in the family, huh?" Peppino quipped jokingly, and watched as Fake Peppino showed where Madeline could store her wrapped-up pizza within the free space they had, in one of their three refrigerators.

Unlike when Madeline had accidentally caused him to stress over his past, the memories Peppino was experiencing in that moment were all pleasant and filled him with a warm nostalgia that made his lips curl into a relaxed smile. Taking in a deep breath before slowly sighing, Peppino was about to make his way over to his niece to hug her, as thinking about her mother made him feel sentimental, but got distracted the moment he heard the front door bell ring.

"Oh, that-a must be a customer… I'll-a be right back!" Peppino called out, to which Madeline acknowledged with a happy nod, after she had turned her head over her shoulder to look back at her uncle. Seeing Fake Peppino giving him a supportive thumbs up, gesturing to him that he would take care of things in the back for him, Peppino gave his uncanny counterpart an approving nod, before finally turning around to walk out of the kitchen. Feeling content and relaxed with his life, even when he had moments of discomfort and anxiety, Peppino made his way behind the cash register; his mind somewhat distracted with pleasant thoughts of what else he could do to entertain his niece while she was there with him.

"Buon pomeriggio— good afternoon! Welcome to-a "Peppino's Pizzeria"! How can I… H… Help…?!" Peppino trailed off with his heart sinking inside of his chest; his blood turning ice cold the moment he saw the pizza-headed individual stumbling into the dining area of his very own restaurant. Letting out a ghastly yelp as his eyes began to bulge cartoonishly out of their sockets, the longer that Peppino found himself staring back at the overall-wearing man, the more his traumatic memories caused his spine-chilling fear to be replaced with seething rage.

"P-Pizzaface! Y… Y-You…! Y-YOU-A SON OF A BITCH; I'LL BREAK-A YOU BACK TO YOUR-A PRIMARY INGREDIENTS-A!!!" Peppino screamed on the top of his lungs; his face becoming crimson with steam physically blowing out of his ears, as he leapt over his counter before sprinting toward the limping pizza-headed man; reaching mach three speeds within that short distance from his front counter, to where the entrance to his pizzeria was.

"Eh?! H-Hey yuh freakin' jabroni; have yuh lost your goddamn mind?!" The pizza-headed man shouted with a panicked look in his eyes, as he immediately began making shinobi hand signals; instantly teleporting behind Peppino, just as the Italian man came to a screeching halt. "Stand down, Pizzano; I din't cone here tuh throw hands wit' yu-GAWK?!" Caesar coughed out, after Peppino immediately spun around to grab him by his throat.

"OOOHHHHH!!!" Peppino roared out with a comically maddened look on his mustached face, before dashing out through the opened front door, where he created a swirling gust of wind around him as he spun Caesar around-and-around to gain momentum. Blinded by rage and motivated by the fear of his friends and niece getting hurt by the hands of the psychotic anthropomorphic who had tried blowing his business up with a giant laser beam, Peppino showed no mercy as he cocked his right fist back; creating a powerful shockwave that broke the front windows of his pizzeria, when he punched Caesar hard enough with his cartoonishly-large fist to send him flying backwards faster than the speed of sound.

'No, I'm not done with you yet! Not yet, not yet; you're just going to revive yourself if I let up now!' Peppino's panicked mind screamed at him, as all he could think were the two times he saw Pizzahead getting back up from the floor; striking a sparkling pose, and showing no signs of the damage he had sustained for their multiple brawls. Revving up his legs while holding onto the ground with his bare hand, Peppino was creating a smoke cloud behind that dispersed as he ran towards Ceaser at mach four speed. "Y-YOU-A CAN'T HAVE-A THIS!!!" Peppino cried out defiantly in a crazed voice, as he leapt up before diving down into a roll, just as Caesar tried firing a pepperoni-shaped projectile made out of cyan-blue energy at him.

"GRRR-AGHH!!! I DUN CARE IF YUH MY ONLY FREAKIN' HOPE LEFT; I AIN'T GETTING MUH PIZZA-ASS HANDED TUH ME TWICE IN TUH SAME DAY, OKAY!?!" Caesar roared back with his thick-heavy eyebrows furrowed intensely, as he prepared another pizza-shaped projectile to defend himself with. "TASTE SOME FREAKIN' OFF-BRAND DESTRUCTO-DISCS, YUH FILTHY GREASE-BALL!!!" The blue-nosed pizza man shouted, before releasing a volley of powerful rotating-energy circles at where Peppino was sprinting toward him at an insane speed.

'I can't dodge them all, and even if I could I'd run the risk of letting one of those things hit the pizzeria… I got lucky with that first one hitting the ground; I can't let that happen, not when Madeline and everyone else is still inside there!' Peppino thought strategically to himself, as he surprised his opponent by running head onto the first projectile. 'I'm not gonna sugar coat it,' Peppino thought to himself, as he grabbed the top part of white white chef's hat; striking a pose just as the cyan-blue disc made contact with him.

Expecting Peppino to either get cartoonishly sawed in half or explode into a cloud of vaporized ash, Caesar quietly muttered "Freakin' bakana?!" With his keen eye, the pizza-headed man was able to see Peppino's body become enveloped in a reflective white-frame of invincibility; his Italian power alone was enough to not only block the reality wrapper's attack, but to completely reflect back at him faster than ever. "D-Deadass, masaka!" Caesar shouted, before needing to bust out two red and blue beatsabers from his side pockets.

Being forced on the defense, the anthropomorphic pizza was hacking and slashing at faster-than-light speed at every single energy projectile that Peppino was reflecting back at him; their stark-white sparks blinding him, each time his beat saber dispersed the rotating saw-beams into exploding balls of light. "Hey, hey, hey…! I ain't half bad at di- AW, CRAP!" Caesar shouted in his panicked-Brooklyn accent, as his beat sabers blew up the moment he had accidentally mistaken Peppino for an energy-disc.

Having accumulated a combo that surpassed ten, Peppino's body was radiating with white-lightning by the time he parried the surprised pizza bro's virtual swords out of his gloved hands. "You've-a mama'd your-a last mia, Pizzahead… ARRIVEDERCI, BITCH-A!!!" Peppino screamed out from the belt, as he released his pent-up Italian rage to activate his super taunt; striking a powerful pose, one that was too much for even the reality warping pizza bro to defend against,

"HOLY, SHIIIIIIII—AHHHHHHTTTT!!!" Caesar howled in blindly-hot pain; his body feeling like it was exploding from the inside out, as he experienced an infinite number of deaths in that split second. 'S-Such freakin' power…!' The defeated anthropomorphic pizza thought, as the world around seemed to become a blindly stark-white background, as his torn-apart body dramatically became shaded while falling backwards in slow motion. 'I see it… I see now why my brudder lost tuh yuh, Italian man… Maybe dis wawhld ain't destined tuh collapse… Maybe you'll be de freakin' saviawh we doan deserve… Yuh with me, wise guy?'

"G-Gwack…!" Caesar gurgled out in a painful voice, as he coughed out a pint of red tomato sauce, before landing hard on his back against the grass-covered dirt. Even though his iconic red overalls and blue ties were in tatters, and his cheesy body was pushed beyond its limits, Caesar was not still not free from the deranged Italian man's wrath.

Rushing toward where the pizza bro laid, Peppino grabbed him with his two oversized hands, picking his broken body up from the grass, before beginning to go completely ape-shit on Caesar. Using every part of his body to reenact the beatdown he had given to Pizzahead, Peppino was clobbering the living hell out of the blue-nosed pizza bro; his fists pounding away with such fury, that he was once again able to defy gravity once again by levitating upward toward the sky. Building up a three-hundred consecutive combo, Peppino's body was enveloped in a blinding light of Italian power as he grabbed a hold of Caesar's mutilated pizza-shaped head.

Clenching his jaw shut with his eyelids closed tightly, Peppino could feel the power of his own rage flowing through his very bones as he descended down upon Earth; delivering an Earth-shattering pile driver to Caesar all the way from orbit, with the might of the shooting star behind him.

From the nearby distance, Gustavo had to hold his stubby arms up to shield his face, as Brick just laid there on the ground unphased while Madeline, Mr. Stick and Fake Peppino took cover behind his durable rat-body. "U-UNCL-NGHH!?!" Madeline tried shouting over the thunderous explosion that took place upon Peppino and Ceaser crashing down the surface of the Earth.

Unlike the rest of the group, Fake Peppino was more than prepared to power through the chunks of molten rock that were flying out from the impact of ground zero. "Don't be so serious, little Miss Delirious! I, Peppino Spaghetti, shall sign, date, and deliver Peppino Spaghetti to your front not-door!" Fake Peppino chimed in cheerfully, before using his frog-like legs to leap over Brick's large and furry body, leaving behind a goopy afterimage in his wake, as he dove back down with his hands outstretched like a professional diver.

Without knowing that his friends and niece were nearby, Peppino was laying down comedically on the floor with his body left in a mangled mess. "Ooohhh… Mama Mia; I always-a hate that part…" Peppino groaned in aching pain, before using one arm to literally pull himself up from the ground; straightening himself out, like one would do when fanning out a beach towel. Putting his hands behind his lower back, Peppino was letting out a low whine as he heard each vertebrae pop before finally letting his shoulders slouch forward.

Clenching his fingers into closed tight fists, Peppino turned his head over his shoulder— fully expecting to see his opponent laying defeated inside the center of the large crater in the ground he had made— and let out a terrified scream the moment he saw Fake Peppino's derpy face staring back at him instead. "SANTA MARIA!!! W-WHERE DID-A YOU COME FROM!?!" Peppino asked with beads of sweat trailing down his mustached face, as Fake Peppino stood between him and the annihilated pizza bro.

"I originated from a test tube within a cloning laboratory, silly Italian man; I thought such birthing information was already stored inside of your temporal lobe!" Fake Peppino said cheerfully; completely misunderstanding the question, as he lightly tapped Peppino's forehead before retracting his goopy finger. "You are very sweaty, Peppino Spaghetti…! Do most living human-specimens usually perspire like sulking mollusks, or are you just a special exception, hmmmm~?"

Usually being patient with his counterpart's whimsical antics, the last thing Peppino wanted was to see Fake Peppino getting ambushed from behind, so he frustratingly pulled the failed clone away from the center of the crater, and from where he thought he was about to see Pizzahead striking another triumphant pose. Instead, he was caught off guard the moment he finally realized how much different the anthropomorphic pizza before him looked, in comparison to the one he remembered fighting on the top of the Pizza Tower.

"W… Wait a second-a… That's not-a Pizzahead…! Who-a the hell is-a that guy?!" Peppino asked with an utterly confused look on his face, as he and Fake Peppino made their way over to where Caesar was laying face-down in a pool of his own tomato sauce.

"Astute observation, Mr. Hesitation! That fatally wounded not-man is called "Pizza Bro", or just "Caesar"! He is the co-disowner of "Pizzaboy Pizz-Pizza"!" Fake Peppino explained happily to the Italian man, who let out a shocked gasp the moment he heard his clone mentioning the name of that defunct restaurant.

"… "Pizzaboy Pizz-Pizza"? Now why-a does that name-a sound so familiar…?" Peppino asked himself; calming down while taking in heavy breaths, as he slowly realized just how badly his body was trembling. "Ahh, well… It-a doesn't matter now-a; he's-a all done. Let's-a just get back home and see-a what the damages…? D-D-Da-Daaa?! W-What-a the FUNICULI is THAT!?!" Peppino screamed with his eyes bulging out of his head, as he pointed a frantic finger over toward the thunderous black storm clouds rushing toward them; all of which was absorbing the light of the sun in its wake.

"Intriguing hums of curiosity…! Those speedy little balls of black cotton candy do not seem so friendly, Mr. Bendy! They are making the non-existent hairs on the back of my neck ominously stand up at attention~…!" Fake Peppino mused aloud; still sounding mostly fine with whatever nightmarish intention that was being harbored by the unnatural weather phenomenon, while still being somewhat wary of them.

Trembling in terror and worry, Peppino nearly leapt out of his skin the moment he and Fake Peppino both turned around to see Ceaser picking his broken body up from the pool of tomato sauce. "Guhhh… That's what I was tryin' to warn yuh knuckleheads about in de first place, yuh freakin' jabroni!" The pizza bro groaned out, as he begrudgingly fought past the pain he was going through to pull his ruined tie off of his frayed dress collar. "Doan let de bad weadder be your primary concern; it's what's unnerneath those bad-news clouds dat yuh got tuh wawhry about."

Seeing Caesar's still immaculate mustache and bushy black eyebrows on his wounded face— the left side of his cheesy face still mutilated and without an eye, from his fatal encounter with his younger brother— it was then that Peppino finally was able to remember where he had seen the anthropomorphic pizza's face from. "Hey, wait a second… Aren't-a you the brother to that Pizza Boy, so…?! Wait, y-you're Pizzahead's brother, aren't-a you?!"

Chuckling humorlessly as he reached into his pocket to pull out a cigarette, Caesar smirked sarcastically at Peppino as he used the last remaining fuel of his lighter to ignite the tip of his cancer-stick. "Excellent job figurin' dat one out, Einstein…! What gave it away; was it de face…?" Caesar asked with a smartass tone in his gruff voice, before taking a long drag from his cigarette.

Watching the injured anthropomorphic pizza blowing out a cloud of smoke while holding his cigarette between his dirty gloved fingers, Peppino's crippling anxieties were once again allowing his anger to get the best of him. "Cut-a the crap, man! Just-a tell us what's-a coming for us!"

Taking a hard look at the Italian chef who had bested him in combat, Caesar let out a throaty laugh before taking more draw of his cigarette. "Okay… Well, what we've got on our hands is a classic "End of de wawhld" situashun," the pizza bro stated first-and-foremost, before dropping his cigarette and stomping out its ashes against the ground. "Dere's an army comin' to your pizza joint, ya' dig? Dere's too many tuh fight, and even den dey're not tuh real concern; it's dat float on' robbed guy whose carryon' a reality-absawhbin' bomb dat we've got tuh take care of… Yuh got dat so fahr?" Caesar asked; questioning whether or not the hyperventilating Italian or his goofy-looking clone understood a single word he had said.

"Yeah… Yeah, I think we all do, unfortunately," Madeline said grimly, as she, Mr. Stick, Gustavo and Brick emerged from the settling dust; staring back at the shocked expression on Peppino's already stressed out face.

"T… Topolina?!" Peppino asked in a terrified voice, as the last person who he wanted to see in that nightmarish scenario was his favorite niece; the one person from his family who he thought still cared about him.

Raising her hand to wave at the Italian chef, Madeline had a solemn smile across her lips, as she walked past Brick and Caesar, until she was standing before Peppino. "Heh heh, uh… Y-You know Uncle, uhh… I-I really, really wish that all of this bullshit wasn't happening right now; like, I REALLY wasn't expecting for the world to be invaded by… What's invading us, exactly?" Madeline asked, as she looked over her shoulder to where Caesar was standing in pain.

"Dey're called de "Subspace Army", or somethin' stoopid like dat. Dey're your run-of-de-mill evil organizashun, who were originally led by dis god-like fella named "Tabuu"," Caesar vaguely recalled, as it had been decades since he and his brother had learned about the Subspace Army, back when they originally were searching for a way to save their bankrupt pizzeria. 

Even though Mr. Stick couldn't care about the history lesson itself, the thought that he could potentially barter with the invaders did indeed cross his mind. "Say Pizza-fella, any idea as to what these hooligans are after? After all, maybe there's a deal we can work out with them," Mr. Stick suggested; while worryingly watching as the rolling black clouds drew closer at an alarming rate.

"Yeah wise guy, good luck wit' dat. But seein' how deir mission at one point was tuh pull every single wawhld in de freakin' multiverse into deir plane of existence, ehhhh… I doan tink money's gonna be de answuh tuh our problems here," Caesar said with brutal honesty, before spitting out a wad of tomato sauce from the back of his throat onto the ground. "Guh... Besides, seein' dat my dipshit brudder is de one in charge of dem, I tink it's safe tuh say dat even if we somehow stop dat bomb dey're bringin' wit' dem, we can't let him off de hook... Not when he's got de "Holy Cannoli" in his possession."

Gustavo tiled his head to the side, as he furrowed his eyebrows at the last thing Caesar had mentioned. "... "Holy Cannoli"? Is that some sort of religious desert, or-a something?" Gustavo asked, before looking away from the growing storm to acknowledge what his giant rat was squeaking at him. "No Brick, I don't it would be respectful to eat something like that; that-a might actually be considered sacrilegious."

"T-To HELL with-a that cannoli! If Pizzahead is-a behind all of this, then he needs to be-a stopped once and-a for all!" Peppino finally piped in; unable to listen any longer, now that he knew that his arch nemesis was behind the army of shadowy beings trying to blow apart the fabrics of their reality.

Knowing that their time to talk was growing shorter-and-shorter by the second, Caesar decided to make the most of their dwindling time by saying what he needed to say. "Here's de plan: yuh and your entourage need tuh fight your way through all of those goofy-ahh jelly-bean lookin' creeps, and make your way tuh where de Pizza Towuh used tuh be. Okay? You'll see a bunch of pointy white spirals stickin' out of de ground; go around dem, until yuh see a pawhtal. Once yuh all jump inside of it, it'll take yuh inside de Subspace Fawhtress, and from dere yuh just do whatevuh it is yuh did tuh stop my asshole little brudder in de first place. Once everything's said and done, and you've eithuh taken or destroyed de Holy Cannoli, everythin' should go back tuh nawhmal; a perfect happy endin'."

With everyone else seemingly taking the talking pizza's instructions differently, Madeline felt as though she was the only one who understood the importance of Caesar's plan; she also managed to pick up on the fact that his plan didn't include himself in it. "Okay... What about you? What are you going to do while we're inside that "fawhtress", or whatever it is?" Madeline asked suspiciously, after having accidentally mocked the way the pizza bro spoke.

Feeling his heart skip a beat the moment he heard his precious niece including herself in the dangerous life-threatening mission, Peppino's hands were shaking as a large overcasting shadow fell upon them. "W... We?! M-Madeline, you aren't-a coming with us! You need to-a get out of here, and-"

"-And go WHERE, Uncle? Look around us: there's no where for us to go... I'm sorry, but... B-But I have to come with you guys; whether you like it or not, it's just what has to happen," Madeline protested without any malice or sense of rebellion in her voice; the saddened look in her brown eyes told Peppino that she was just as scared as he and everyone else was.

Feeling physically sick to his stomach, Peppino's anxious mind began painting a horrific image within his fragile psyche; seeing his precious niece being forced to endure the hell that was war felt like a gut punch to the Italian man, as his mind began to spiral out of control. "N-No... No, no, no...! Why...?! Why-a does this keep happening to me...?! A-And why-a did you have to be-a here for it...? I...?! I-I can't-a breathe...! W-Why can't-a I breathe...?!" Peppino murmured to himself, before loosing enough oxygen in his panicked brain to lose his balance.

"U-UNCLE! PEPPINO!!!" Madeline screamed in horror, as whatever composure she had shattered the moment she witnessed her middle-aged uncle slump over into the arm that Fake Peppino had caught him in. Immediately starting to hyperventilate, with sweat beading down her pale face, Madeline was beginning to sob as realized just how close the Subspace Army had gotten to their location. Freezing up, the orange-haired girl managed to see a glimpse of the glowing red eyes of the hundreds-of-thousands of primids that made up the vast number of ground troopers, before she too was scooped up by Fake Peppino's protective arms.

"I am under the belief that we have ran out of precious seconds to speak the words; we must create the haste if we wish to stay alive," Fake Peppino said with a smile still plastered across his goopy face, as he sat down on top of Brick's back behind where Gustavo was seated while holding both Peppino and Madeline protectively close to his body. 

Even though Mr. Stick knew that they were going to have to fight their way through the massive army shadowy beings on the back of a stupid rat, Madeline's question to the mysterious pizza-headed being was still on his mind. "Okay tough guy, what about what the young lady asked you?! Where's your part in this suicidal mission?!" Mr. Stick asked with a stressed tone in his voice, as he reached around Brick's backside to pull the briefcase he had tied around the rat's long-pink tail earlier. 

Seeing Mr. Stick quickly assembling the same cartoonish shotgun that had served Peppino in the Pizza Tower, the one-eyed mustached pizza bro said nothing at first, and instead waited until the lanky man in the orange business suit had climbed onto the end of Brick's back before finally speaking. "Heh... I already told yuh all, din't I? Dat robe-wearin' freak wit' de yellow eyes needs tuh be taken care of first. Once I find him and disable de bomb, dat should buy yuh all de time yuh and de rest of de goons I wrangled up need tuh get through dat pawhtal..."

"... Aftuh dat, well... Well, I have faith dat you'll all get de job done fawh me; even if I won't be dere tuh celebrate wit' all of yuh," Caesar said with a solemn and accepting smile spread across his wounded face, as both Mr. Stick and Gustavo turned their head to look at him with shock on their faces.

That alone was what made their situation all the more dire, and made Gustavo feel his heart tearing as he quietly whispered, "Y... You're planning on dying, a-aren't-a you...?"

Taking in a shallow breath as he reached into the back pocket of his stained red overalls, Caesar shrugged his shoulders at Gustavo as he pulled out the very same sword that his younger brother had tried to murder him with. "Eh, fuhgeddaboudit boys... Just focus on gettin' inside dat pawhtal, and everythin' will be a-okay; I promise," Caesar said with a dark and serious expression forming on his cheesy face, as he raised the pizza-buster over his body before dashing at light-speed toward the hundreds of weapon-wielding primids who were zeroing in on them. "COME AND GET IT!!!" The pizza bro roared out as his battle cry, as he slashed through the primids; creating and opening for Gustavo to guide Brick through. "GO!!! JUST GO!!!" Caesar screamed out, as he was beginning to get swarmed by the vast sea of shadowy beings who saw him as the biggest threat on the battlefield. 

"I... T-Thank-a you," Gustavo said with a saddened voice; a single tear rolling down his cheek and past his bulbous nose, as it took everything inside of the short Italian man to dangle the block of cheese in front of Brick's googly eyes. "C-Come on Brick, let's-a go!" Gustavo roared with hand righteously tightening around the stick that he was using to suspend the cheese by a single string, as Mr. Stick leaned over past Fake Peppino's side blast apart several primids who had tried leaping toward them with their gloved hands. 

Struggling to keep at the bay the endless amounts of shadowy foot-soldiers who were focusing their attacks solely on him, Caesar let out a gruff chuckle with an approving smirk underneath his black mustache, as he continued to fight against the tide of shadowy beings, while watching through glimpses as Brick plowed through the sea of primids at mach two speed. 

Chapter Text

(UPDATE 6 JUNE 2023): Fixed some spelling errors and grammatical mistakes.

A powerful gust of ice-cold wind had hit the side of the gondola she and her friend Theo were in; the small-suspended compartment rocked back-and-forth violently as Madeline heard the lift’s emergency brakes shut-tight on the line. “W-What was that?!” The orange haired woman asked, with her eyes widened as she stumbled backward with her heavy backpack strapped onto her shoulders; a dark and foreboding feeling resonating within her pounding chest, as she felt a negative presence sitting just on top of the rocking gondola. 

“The pulley system failed… Looks like you’re finally going to get what you’ve always wanted: a way out,” a vindictive and cruel version of her own voice called back to her; bringing up Madeline’s worst insecurities, as her shadowy doppelgänger sat huddled up on top of the swaying gondola. “This is for the best… We both know how these sorts of things end for freaks like us… You can take comfort knowing that at least you won’t die alone.” 

Noticing the anxious look that was beginning to become more intense by the passing second on Madeline’s face, Theo stroked his long-bushy beard while trying to seem completely calm for the sake of his friend’s sanity. “Huh… Looks like we stalled out,” Theo muttered, as he began searching around the room with his perceptive eye for something to help them, all while Madeline was pacing back and forth as the gondola began to even itself out. 

“Oh… This is really bad,” Madeline muttered worryingly, as she began to press her backpack up against the wall; her arms extending outward, to try to hold on to the steel-wall behind her. 

Opening his mouth to reassure Madeline, it was then that Theo found himself turning his attention over to the large lever sticking out from the center of the gondola. “Maybe if I…” Theo said quietly to himself, as made his way over to the lever before squeezing down on its handle; pulling it back with all his might, until falling backwards and landing on the ground with the metal lever still in his hand. “Well, that’s not good,” the fair-skinned man muttered, as he furrowed his eyes at the broken apparatus in his grasp. 

Horrified at what she just saw, as if her friend had just signed her own death certificate, Madeline’s legs were beginning to give out from underneath her as another high-altitude gust of wind shook the gondola back-and-forth violently. “N-No… No, this really isn’t good,” Madeline murmured with her eyelids shut, as she fell onto her bottom before pulling her knees closer to her chest; the world around her seeming to be getting visibly corrupted in darkness through the eye of her psyche, as she began to image nightmarish maroon-colored tendrils closing in around their gondola. 

Seeing his transgendered friend trembling in fear with her face buried into her knees, Theo crouched down in front of her to check on her. “Madeline, you cool?” Theo asked with his hand resting on her shoulder, doing his best to sound casual, so as to not perpetuate the orange-haired girl’s spiraling fear. 

Gasping for breath and never seeming to intake enough oxygen into her aching lungs, Madeline’s head was beginning to spin as she became lightheaded. “Y-Yeah… I just-”

“-It’s crumbling. The walls around you are shrinking, the floor is coming apart… You’re going to fall to your death, and it’s going to hurt so, so much for so, so long… It’s what you deserve,” Madeline’s manifestation of her negative emotions spoke to her, as the tendrils that the orange-haired girl was imagining inside of her head began to crush the gondola like an empty soda can; the image of seeing herself screaming while flailing helpless down the steep drop worsened her anxiety, to the point where she was beginning to lose consciousness from the lack of air to her brain.

“-No…! N-No, I’m not cool…!” Madeline managed to squeak out, as heads of sweat were forming on her pale-clammy face. “I…! I-I can’t breathe…! W-Why can’t I breathe…?!” Madeline asked breathlessly, as she stared pleading into Theo’s calm and collective eyes. 

“You’re having a panic attack,” Theo said, while wanting Madeline to have something to ground herself with, so as to avoid relying on whatever doomsday explanation that she was developing inside of her mind

Instead of feeling more at ease with knowing that horrible images playing in her anxious psyche weren’t real, Madeline went into a flight-or-fight mode and immediately lashed out at Theo by shoving him away from her hard. “S-Shut up; t-this is all your fault…! W-Why did you think it was a good idea to ride this stupid-goddamn thing in the first place, gwuah…?!” Madeline tried shouting, as she furrowed her thick eyebrows at Theo, while baring her teeth at him. 

Having an idea of what she was going through, Theo didn’t take the young girl’s shove personally, and instead tried playing it off with an amused smirk on his face. “Aw come on, don’t take this out me… Hey, stay with me, alright? I got the trick to help you out,” Theo said reassuringly, while Madeline was using every fiber in her body to remain awake, as the walls themselves felt like they were closing in on her. “My grandpa taught me this trick: Close your eyes, and picture a feather floating in front of you…”

“… Do you see it?”

“WOAH THERE!!!” Gustavo shouted with his head eyes growing cartoonishly tenfold, as he quickly redirected Brick the moment he saw an incoming missile flying toward them. Hearing the rocket-propelled projectile whizzing just over their heads, Gustavo and Brick braced themselves as they heard an explosion several meters behind them tearing apart the ground. “Alright boys, hang on tight; Brick and I are about to get-a FUNKY,” Gustavo shouted over the sounds of thunderous footsteps and firearms; prompting Mr. Stick and Fake Peppino to hold on tightly, as he dangled the block of cheese directly above the stupid rat’s head.

Leaping up into the air, Gustavo and Brick expelled their combined Italian energy when they struck a super-pose together, flashing a peace sign, while the oversized rat smiled goofily at no one in particular. All around their immediate vicinity, every prism exploded into a cloud of purple, pink and black shadow energy before evaporating into the air; giving Gustavo and Brick a few precious moments to build up their momentum once again, as more and more troops began replacing the ones they had just vanquished. 

“LET’S GOOOO-ooollly CRAP-A!!!” Gustavo shouted with panic in his voice, after having believed briefly that he and his gang were in the clear. In the distance, Gustavo pointed a finger over at the giant, purple cyborg with simian features leaping over the edge of the cliff they needed to get on top of; the massive cyborg transforming into a rocket-propelled tank while in mid-air, as he began descending down toward their direction. 

Squeaking anxiously with a large comedic-sized bead of sweat forming on his furry face, Brick stared back at Gustavo, as if to ask “What’s the plan? Are we still going through with this suicide mission?” 

“I’m afraid-a so, Brick; it’s like Madeline said-a “There is nowhere for us to run”; this is-a do or-a die, homie,” Gustavo replied with a solemn look on his face, as he brushed his fingers through the anxious rat’s fur to help alleviate some of the nerve-racking fear Brick was trying to push down. 

Piping up as he cocked back the pump-action shotgun, Mr. Stick blew the head off of a primid who had tried sprinting toward him with a beam sword; causing the outer-dimensional being’s cranium to explode into a scattered mess of shadow-material, before speaking up. “Hey! Let’s just try to avoid that thing like Peppino did with Pizzaface; it might be a close call, but-AGH!?!” Mr. Stick tried saying, before yelling in pain as he was blasted off of Brick’s backside by a well-placed energy bullet. 

“M-MR. STICK-A!!!” Gustavo screamed in horror, as he had Brick come to a screeching halt to begin turning around to head back for where the suited man had fallen. 

Rolling against the ground with his firearm tucked in closely to himself, Mr. Stick came to a rough stop as he landed on his stomach. “Aw jeez! This ain’t good,” Mr. Stick muttered to himself worryingly, as he scrambled to his feet while hundreds of primids were beginning to swarm him from all directions. Quickly pulling the drawstring from underneath his fedora, Mr. Stick began firing away at the incoming crowd of shadowy foot-soldiers as he leapt back while a propeller popped out from its hidden compartment, within the top of his headwear. 

“Ha ha, ha! Air superiority, ya schmucks!” Mr. Stick jeered triumphantly, as he attempted to fly up higher into the sky; blasting away at the leaping primids, before yelping the moment he felt one grab on from behind him. “H-Hey! No stowaways on this flight— ngh!” The bald man shouted, as he delivered an elbow into the red-glowing eyes of the primid. Successively knocking off the first primid, Mr. Stick was immediately overwhelmed when three other lowly foot soldiers managed to tackle him from the front; one of their gloved hands tearing the propeller off of his fedora, while the two were using their fists to pummeled Mr. Stick in the face. 

Blindly firing his shotgun, Mr. Stick managed to blow apart the three assailants off of him, as he fell downward twenty feet towards the sea of primids underneath him. “H-Holy Mother of Moses…!" Mr. Stick murmured anxiously under his breath, before letting out a scream when he felt something wet and goopy wrapping around his lanky midsection. 

Holding onto Madeline and Peppino in his arms, Fake Peppino managed to leap up into the air to catch Mr. Stick in his enormously large mouth, clamping his jaw shut and holding the lanky man between his teeth, like how a dog would hold a bone. With Gustavo clearing a way for him by kicking Brick’s balled up body outward like an unstoppable projectile, Fake Peppino was able to safely land within the open area on his frog-like legs. “Hey Fido; let go of me, will ya?!” Mr. Stick demanded, to which Fake Peppino did by spitting him out onto the ground. 

“Twist and turn that frown upside down, Mr. Grumpy! It is not time to take a dirt nap!” Fake Peppino said enthusiastically, before suddenly noticing from the corner of his vision a massive missile descending down towards them. Having learned from the best, there was only so much that Fake Peppino could do that the actual Peppino was capable of; being able to perform a taunt to deflect attacks was not one of them. 

‘Catharsis and resolution, it appears as though there is one singular way for me to save Peppino Spaghetti, and Madeline Celeste… Wait! I get to save the girl AND the chef?! What an honor!’ Fake Peppino thought excitingly to himself, as he dropped Madeline and Peppino on the ground, before using his long legs to quickly reach mach three speeds. Crouching down to build up his volatile energy up, Fake Peppino was smiling obviously as he propelled himself skyward toward the incoming rocket; striking a super taunt to expel a burst of spiky balls down onto the primids around his friends, just before getting hit point-blank by the missle.

Skidding around to where the massive explosion in the sky was, Gustavo and Brick had their eyes bulging in their sockets after the two of them had caught a glimpse of Fake Peppino, before he had sacrificed himself to save them. “N… No… No way…” Gustavo uttered out with a hollow breath, before immediately recoiling the moment he spotted what looked to be a statue of Fake Peppino falling downward; a bronze circular platform underneath him, while his solidified gray-body was stuck doing his super taunt pose. “W… What the hell-a…?!” Gustavo muttered to himself, while Brick kept his teary gaze on Fake Peppino, whose statue-like body landed several hundred meters away in the distance.

That uncanny sight of seeing their friend contained in a trophy was all that the armored cyborg needed to catch Gustavo and Brick by surprise. Being backhanded by the “Galleom’s” massive steel hand, the short-stacked Italian chef and his plus-size rodent were sent flying away into the crowd of primids, as the cyborg transformed out of its tank form and into its haunched-over ape-like form. 

“AGHHH?!? B-BRICK!!!” Gustavo screamed out in horror, as he began fighting off the horde of primids piling up on him. Hearing his precious rat crying out in pain, as the Subspace Army’s foot soldiers were attacking him relentlessly with their beam swords and boomerangs, Gustavo was being held down by thirty primids who were trying to stick his neck out for another primid to slash through with its beam sword. Had any of the foot soldiers been gifted with self-preservation skills, they would have immediately noticed the way the the short Italian chef’s body was beginning to emit an aura of golden light.

“Now you’ve-a done it… YOU-A MADE-A GUSTAVO MAD-A!!!” Gustavo shouted out in a powerful voice, before craning his neck up to bite down hard on the beam-blade that had been swung down where the nape of his neck had been exposed; his golden-Italian rage shattering its emerald-green energy into scattered particles, before suddenly blowing away the primids around him with the shockwave that expelled from his short body. 

Preoccupied with needing to drag Madeline and Peppino away to the middle of the opening, Mr. Stick was biting down hard on his jaw; adrenaline pumping as he fired as fast as he could at the horde of advancing primids who were closing on him. “Mister G… Guh! I need HELP to defend here!” Mr. Stick shouted, as he looked up to see the Galleom staring back at him with its intimidating glare above its massive metal jaw. 

Immediately taking aim to fire his shotgun directly at the fifty-foot tall cyborg’s face, Mr. Stick felt his heart sink down his lanky chest the moment he saw his pellets bounce right off of Galleom’s face; bullets of beads tracing down his face, the moment he saw the cyborg propelling itself upward over him by using the rocket-propulsion systems in its shoulder armor, and from underneath its massive metal boots. “Aw, jeez-Louise….! H-Hey?!” Mr. Stick yelped, as he felt several primids from behind digging their gloved hands into his back. 

While Mr. Stick was trapped fighting between a rock and a hard place, all while still trying to protect Madeline and Peppino from the incoming doom that was heading toward them, Gustavo used his “super form” to launch himself toward where he had last seen Brick; the short Italian man spinning himself like a drill, as his extended fists tore apart his enemies into shadowy-bits. That’s when the protective chef was surprised when he saw Brick sprinting past him at mach three speed; appearing critically injured with burn marks and bruises all over his wounded body. 

“B-Brick…?!” Gustavo muttered in confusion, before realizing exactly where his pet rat was heading, and why it was so adamant about getting there. “BRICK, NOOOO!!!” Gustavo shouted, before powering up as flew in a U-shaped curve to redirect himself where Galleom was defending down upon his friends. Tearing through the primids who were trying to block him, Gustavo had his stubby arm reached out as he watched Brick use his rat-power to blindside Galleom by tackling his much larger opponent while in mid-air. 

Not satisfied with just knocking the massive cyborg off balance, Brick squeaked in righteous fury as he began scurrying up along the cyborg’s metal torso, evading its massive purple hands, as he skillfully climbed up to its armored face. Using his powerful teeth, Brick bit down hard on the hinges of where Galleom’s massive armored jaw was attached to its unprotected face; pulling it apart, just as the fifty-foot tall cyborg came crashing down far away from where it had intended on landing.

Being only ten meters away from where Galleom was, Gustavo could feel his adrenaline pumping through his Italian veins as he reached out to where Brick was looking back at him with his cross eyed rat face. Thinking that he was actually going to be able to save Brick, the world seemed to move in slow-motion as he watched in horror as Galleom reached up and squeezed his enormous fingers tightly around the rodent’s plump body.

“B… BRIIIIIIICK-A!!!” Gustavo cried with tears flowing freely down his chubby cheeks, as Brick bursted into particles of light, leaving behind only a solid trophy-statue that the cyborg chucked aside, before transforming into his tank form. With it being aware of the wrath it had just invoked from the vengeful Italian man, Galleom aimed its elongated barrel at Gustavo; firing four armor-piercing rounds directly at the high-velocity flying chef.

Flying above the heads of its soldiers, the Ancient Minister was looking over their shoulder as they saw a massive explosion of golden flames and gunpowder tearing up the battlefield. Silently observing with its glowing yellow eyes that were hidden underneath its face wrap, once the Ancient Minister had estimated the distance from the top of the cliff to where the struggling group was fighting for their lives, it rotated its head back forward toward its target in the distance.

In accordance to their new master’s will, the Subspace Army wasn’t allowed to absorb the whimsical cartoony world until Peppino’s Pizzeria was laid to waste; which is why when the Ancient Minister became extremely concerned the moment they saw an army of pizza-themed enemies marching past the front of its bombing target.

Seeing the formation of fork-knights nervously stepping toward their advancing primids with their comically-oversized forks held out in front of them, the Ancient Minister immediately fired an explosive yellow-laser down pizza-army’s frontline offensive; transforming them all into worthless trophies, while accidentally leaving themselves open to the mighty pizza-buster sword that cleaved through their spherical Subspace bomb. 

“YUH SHALL NOT FREAKIN’ PASS, BOZO!!!” Caesar roared out righteously, as he spun around mid-air to raise his pizza-buster out in front of him, blocking the Ancient Minister’s yellow-eye laser beams. Skidding backwards once he made contact with the ground below, the pizza bro immediately had to turn his focus on all the primids carrying beam swords with them, and began hacking and slashing through them, as the Ancient Minister aimed their next shot to land directly in the back of his crusted head.

That’s when the robbed commander was sent spiraling downward, after an explosion had gone off directly behind their backside. With its arms covered underneath its green robes, the Ancient Minister was unable to catch itself as skidded across the ground with patches of fire still eating away at its disguise from behind. Before they could use their bottom thruster pad to lift itself back up, the Ancient Minister was suddenly shoulder bashed by the meaty arm that sent him tumbling back another fifty meters. 

After having just dealt a devastating blow to the robbed being who had tried blowing up the pizzeria, Pepperman wanted to relish in his pre-assumed victory by setting down a boombox to begin playing his own theme song. “The famed and esteemed sexiest pepper to ever exist has GRACED your eyes with his presence!” Pepperman gloated with his enlarged ego, before turning to address the hundreds of primids who were approaching him with their weapon draws.

Rubbing his white-gloved hand against his chin, Pepperman while smiling his unnerving grin at the advancing shadowy beings, while admiring their appearances. “Saaaay! I’m loving your olive-green berets you’ve all got on! Reminds me a lot of my glorious and endowed stem! It’s a crying shame that you and I are going to need to fight like this; you would all make an excellent “Pepperman Fan Club”!” Pepperman said with a slight bit of disappointment in his voice, before immediately sprinting into the crowd of primids to strike at them. 

Rolling through on his rocket-propelled scooter, the Noise rolled his eyes at Pepperman, as he held onto the lit-bomb in his left hand. “Dear God, he’s annoying…! And here I thought I was the egotistical one…” The Noise muttered under his breath; voicing out his frustrations in his regular voice, before immediately changing his serious demeanor into that of a silly one, the moment his floating cameras began recording him. “UH OH, GUYS!!! Looks like we got some troubler-makers trying to destroy the Italian man’s crappy pizza joint! Remember “Noisetters”: only REAL Noise-fans boycott Peppino’s Pizzeria; not blow it up!” The Noise stated in his over-the-top goofy voice, as he continued fighting alongside all of Pizzahead’s ex-guards. 

Having brought the calvary with him, Caesar was leading his pizza forces head on against the Subspace Army; creating a dwindling barrier between the nearly endless primids, and the pizzeria that they needed to protect with their lives. It didn’t take him very long to realize that they were greatly outnumbered and outmatched, as cheese slimes and other toppings began falling one-by-one to far more battle-ready ground troops. 

‘At dis rate, we aren’t gonna last longuh than ten minutes tops… Come on Italian man, get tuh dat damn pawhtal befawhe-?!?’ The pizza bro thought to himself, before going wide eyed as he felt something rip straight through his cheesy chest from behind. Visibly shaking, Caesar dropped his pizza-buster as he strained his neck to see who had delivered the killing blow to him.

Lifting the defeated and brutalized anthropomorphic pizza up from the ground, the full-bodied Pizzaface smirked victoriously at the blue-nosed pizza bro. “Hmm… Correct if I’m wrong, but the last time we spoke, didn’t I tell you to stay dead, Caesar?” The green-peppered mustached robot asked; his modulated voice sounding far more deeper and sinister than the pizza boy behind the controls. 

“Ngh….?! T-Totino…?! W-Why are yuh out here-”

“-Don’t be an idiot, brother; I’m not physically here amongst you and the rest of these traitors. What you're looking at is nothing more than a mechanical body that I’m remotely controlling beyond this universe… Which means I can stay here even when this world is plunged into Subspace,” Pizzaface said with a cruel look on his face, as he ripped his robotic arm out of his brother’s chest; taking out the last remaining traces of life that were left in his pizza boy, and watching victoriously as his once unkillable brother fell onto the floor as nothing more than a collectible trophy. 

“Finally… Finally, I can get rid you, once and for all!” Pizzaface declared with a sinister look in his pepperoni eyes, as he knelt down in his blue blazer and white slacks, to pick his brother’s trophy body up with one gloved hand. Applying pressure on the statue-face of his mustached sibling, Pizzaface’s smile grew twisted as he watched Caeser’s solid face beginning to crumble beneath his grasp. “You were always the reason why our pizzeria failed; you and your pathetic morals always got in the way of business… Not anymore; not ever again… Goodbye Caesar; I’ll see you in Hell,” Pizzaface chuckled, as he destroyed his older brother’s trophy; preventing him from ever recovering like how he would have otherwise. Watching cathartically as the dust from his brother's destroyed head was carried away by a gust of wind, Pizzaface took a moment to savor the moment, before turning his attention past the skirmishing armies, and to where Peppino’s Pizzeria was awaiting him.

“Heh, ah haha…! Ah…! It’s SHOWTIME!!!” Pizzaface chuckled in a dark voice, as he raised his gloved hand out toward the pizzeria as a ball of glowing matter formed outward from his palm. Concentrating the power of dark matter that was becoming more-and-more intense, Pizzaface was about to blow his arch nemesis’ restaurant out of existence. But just then, a stick of lit dynamite that was thrown at his gloved hand caused him to miss. Watching as his “Subspace Beam” just barely nicked the side of the Peppino’s rooftop sign, Pizzaface became furious as he turned his attention over to the brave cheese-slime who had the audacity to get between him and his goal. 

“... Vigilante, my old friend! I should have known you’d show were going to try show up to do something heroically-foolish like that,” Pizzaface mused with an arrogant smirk spreading across his artificial-cheesy face, as he turned his body toward the gunslinger, who stood underneath him with his revolver aimed directly between his pepperoni eyes. “You were always the most capable man I’ve hired for the job, which is why I’m offering you a chance at salvation. Abandon this pointless endeavor Vigilante, and join me as my enforcer; make difference in this cruel and unforgiving multiverse… Or die by my hand.” 

With his eyes blocked out by the shade his western sense of justice was giving him alone, the gunslinger remained silent as he pulled down  the hammer of his revolver with his gloved thumb. “I was never a hired gun, Pizzaface; not by you, not by anyone. I’ve always been a slime of what was right; fighting those who think themselves above the ones they wrong… So I ain’t gonna stop until either you’re six-feet under, or I’m pushing daisies,” Vigilante stated in his deep southern accent, before lowering the brim of his hat as he said “But y’all already know that…” 

Letting out an amused chuckle, the piloted mecha cracked his artificial neck dramatically, before getting into a fighting stance. “Heh, ah heh…! You’re right: I did... Let's just get this over with then!” Pizzaface challenged, before leaping forward at lightning-fast speed toward Vigilante, who in turn leaped back with his uzi drawn in his left hand, while firing all six shots of his cheese-revolver point blank into the mecha’s forehead.

Tearing off Galleom’s purple-robotic arm from its shoulder, Gustavo was mercilessly beating the fifty-foot cyborg down with his bare fists; his super form giving him the strength to go toe-to-toe with the mighty foe, even when he himself had sustained critical injuries throughout the duration of their brawl. “THIS…!!! IS FOR-A BRIIIICK!!!” Gustavo roared on the top of his lungs, before piercing his fist straight through the cyborg’s unprotected jaw; pulling out a handful of colored wires as he cocked his fist back to go for another powerful punch. 

Even though the furious Italian chef was appearing to be coming out on top of his battle with Galleom, Mr. Stick was at his rope’s end. No matter how many times he shot at the primids, it would always seem like there were three more to take the place of one of their fallen brothers. Gassed out and covered in battle damage, Mr. Stick was covered in sweat and dried blood as he exhaustingly tried raising his shotgun to take aim, before being knocked down the moment a primid with a beam sword slashed right through his firearm and his suit. 

‘I guess this is the end of the line for me… It’s funny… I always pictured this moment being a lot more pathetic: with me dying alone with all of my worldly riches, or penniless in an alleyway somewhere,’ Mr. Stick thought cathartically to himself, as he felt another beam saber stab him straight through his shoulder; sending him falling down on his back. ‘And to think, I used to think that life was all about looking after number one… I’m glad that I was wrong about that… This… This is okay,’ Mr. Stick thought to himself wearily, as he looked through his shattered glasses at all the primids who were piling on top of him; each of them striking him with their gloves fists; or simply just stomping on him with their boots. 

‘I just wish… I just wish that I was the only one who was dying today… Life’s cruel, ain’t it?’ Mr. Stick thought to himself, while imagining himself going out peacefully, when in reality he was huddled up in the fetal position; screaming pathetically in silly-sounding howls of pain, as he was being beaten to death by the sea of primids around him. “NOT THE FACE, NOT THE FA-A-ACEEEEE!!!” Mr. Stick begged, as he awaited for it all to be over.

But instead of him getting jumped to death, Mr. Stick was able to see a flash of crimson light over him from the corner of his eyes; prompting him to open his blackened eyelids enough to see just how many primids around him had been vaporized into shadow-particles. “W… What the spruce…?!” Mr. Stick asked aloud in a weak voice, as he lifted himself up to see who had saved his bacon. When he eventually did see the levitating backside of the purple-hued girl who had rescued him, Mr. Stick felt the need to do a double take, before realizing who, or rather what, he was looking at.

“M… Madeline…? Young lady, is that you…?!” Mr. Stick asked, before recoiling the moment he saw the floating figure look back at him with glowing red eyes; a single fang poking out of her cocky grin, as her long purple hair flowed behind her, as though it had a mind of its own. 

“Heh! Not really, but you're close, ya old geezer; I'll give you that!” Badeline said in an arrogant voice that sounded slightly deeper than Madeline’s own voice, before lowering her hand in the direction of the advancing primids. “Stand back old man; let me show you how it’s REALLY done!” The purple haired entity said proudly, before showcasing her power by shooting out another beam of crimson energy; once again blowing apart the primids into scattered particles. 

“C-Cheese and crackers…!” Mr. Stick gasped wearily, as he watched Badeline mercilessly blow apart the battlefield with her crimson energy blasts. 

Grinning menacingly with her sharp-teeth out for display, the purple haired entity was taking vindictive pleasure out of hurting the ones who had brought harm to the ones who were important to Madeline. “Just returning the favor, is all…!” Badeline chuckled to herself, as she focused on creating an open space around her group; doing so by deliberately killing every primid within a one-hundred yard radius of Madeline. 

Awe struck by the sheer amount of power that was visibly radiating from the purple-haired doppelganger, it was then that Mr. Stick began searching for where the real Madeline and Peppino were. Fortunately for him, it didn’t take long for Mr. Stick to spot both of them. Awake and conscious, Madeline was cradling the back of Peppino’s head; holding his unconscious body close to her body, as she looked down at him with a look of determined-resolution that Mr. Stick hadn’t ever seen anyone her age have. 

Watching with bated breath, Mr. Stick was attempting to read the young woman’s lips when all of a sudden he heard Gustavo letting out a painful cry. “M-Mr. G…!” Mr. Stick muttered with horror in his voice, as he watched as the one armed cyborg grabbed a hold tightly of the short Italian man; preventing Gustavo from escaping, as a glass container filled with a highly concentrated amount of Subspace particles popped out from the top of Galleom’s dome.

“Is that…?! Is that one of the bombs that the pizza guy was talking about…?! I… I gotta do something, and fast…!” Mr. Stick thought anxiously to himself, as he looked around the area around him before finding a scoped energy cannon that looked like the best choice for what his broken body was capable of using. “H-Hold on Mr. G… I-I’m coming to help ya, buddy,” the lanky man uttered under his breath, as he limped as quickly as he could over to the discarded weapon; getting a couple steps in before his busted legs gave way underneath him.

Even with failure seeming inevitable, and certain death just a few moments away, Madeline continued envisioning a feather within her mind as she stared down into the mustached face of her knocked out uncle. “… You had a really bad panic attack, Uncle Peppino; I don’t think I’ve ever seen one that bad before… B-But that’s okay; I had a friend who taught me this trick that his grandpa showed him; his grandpa fought in a war, just like you did,” Madeline spoke in a soothing voice, while knowing deep down that her words were being heard and weren’t just for naught. 

“Picture a feather floating in front of you, Uncle… Do you see it? Do you see the feathe-ugh?!” Madeline tried speaking, but was immediately cut off the moment she felt a hand crushing her throat. Trying to hold onto her uncle out of a sense of security, Madeline began kicking and flailing as she lifted fifteen feet up from the ground and away from Peppino’s unconscious body. “U-Uncle…! U-Uncl-GNGH!!!” Madeline cried out in pain, as Pizzaface’s hand moved down from her throat to where her chest cavity was.

Crushing the air out of the girl who he perceived not to be a threat, Pizzaface cackled as he threw Madeline to the side. “Enough of the wishy-washy crap, child! Go play with your imagery feathers elsewhere; men are talking,” Pizzaface said insultingly, as he looked away from where Madeline had landed to stare down at the Italian chef below him. “Peppino… I’ve been looking all over for you! I think you and I deserve that rematch now, don’t y-NGGH?!? W-WHAT THE HELL?!?” Pizzaface shouted in confusion, as he was flung forward several hundred feet, after being struck by Madeline’s air dash; an attack that was devastating, thanks to the orange haired girl’s mach four velocity. 

Landing gracefully on her hand and feet, Madeline’s usual burnt-orange hair was glowing vibrantly blue, as a gentle white aura enveloped her body. Looking up with a calculating glare in her brown eyes, Madeline was stone-faced as she watched Pizzaface quickly get back to his feet. “… You’re not going to lay a goddamn finger on him… I won’t let you,” Madeline said in a threatening voice, which would have caused Pizzaface to laugh, had it not been for the fact that part of his body was blown apart by Badeline’s crimson beam. 

“ARRGHHH!!! YOU SELF-RIGHTEOUS LITTLE…!!!” Pizzaface roared out in a thunderous voice, as he tumbled back while the mechanical innards of his chest were exposed in the wake of where the purple-haired entity had struck him. 

Sneering at the remote controlled mecha, Badeline was soaring through the air as she made her way back to Madeline; floating behind her protectively, like a dark guardian angel. “Correction, Madeline: WE’RE not going to let him lay a goddamn finger on Uncle Peppino, because WE won’t let him,” Badeline said with a toothy smile, as she raised an arm out to take aim at the angered pizza-mecha.

“… You shouldn’t have done that, you little freaks,” Pizzaface said in a demonic-sounding voice, as his gloved hands began to radiate with dark matter particles enveloping his fists. “When I'm done with you two, your stupid pronouns are going to be “was” and “were”,” Pizzaface threatened, before immediately using his powers of Subspace to blast himself forward at lightspeed towards the two young women; a twisted grin spread across his cheesy face, as he watched Madeline air dashing back at him with her doppelgänger following behind her with a beam of red energy coming at him. 

Chapter Text

Huddled up behind a rocky formation at the base of a hill, the black-clouded sky was illuminated by an orange tint from the endless hell-fires that were surrounding Peppino from every-which way; gunfire and screams were echoing in the burning air, as each breath that felt fleeting left him feeling more asphyxiated than before. Pressing the back of his head up against an eroded flat boulder, Peppino’s mind was in as much turmoil as the raging battlefield his psyche had trapped him in; his chest aching in pain, as he tried to focus his hardest to follow the instructions that his niece’s fleetings words had given to him.

“A feather… Imagine-a a feather…” Peppino gasped out to himself; his mind straining as he tried to create the image before him. Sweating down his face, Peppino’s eyes were straining as he heard the rock chipping behind him from the several stray shots that had ricocheted off of their hard surface; some bullets narrowly missing him, and whizzing by his face from a mere few inches. Every fiber in his being was screaming at him to run, and yet Peppino persisted; through the sounds of war and inclosing inferno that seemed moments away from devouring him with their flames, the Italian war veteran broke his mind’s limitations until finally he was able to manifest the feather that his niece had told him to imagine.

“There… I-a did it… N-Now… Now-a what?” Peppino murmured to himself with a sense of fleeting hope dwindling away at his heart, as he watched desperately as the small and insignificant bird feather that he had willed into his own traumatic breakdown was carried away by the burning wind before his very eyes. “N-No…! Wait-a!” Peppino called with tears forming in his widened eyes, as he scrambled up from his hiding spot to begin chasing after the unassuming object; betraying his own self of self-preservation, in favor of pursuing the only reminder of his niece within the hellscape that his mind had created for him.

Running as fast as his feet could carry him, Peppino braced himself as the walls of fire grew closer; the aim of his unknown assailants becoming more accurate, as it felt to him as though all gunfire had turned to him. Dodging bullets left-and-right, Peppino had his right hand outstretched in front of him, fighting against the wind to grab a hold of the feather, before it would be lost forever within the flames of his trauma.

Surrounded by the forces of the Subspace Army while its leader attacked them with full force, Madeline and her shadowy doppelganger, Badeline, were fighting an uphill battle if there ever was one. Not only did the duo have to fend themselves off from the thousands of primids— all which were either shooting at them or trying to slash at them with their beam weaponry—  Madeline and Badeline were having to keep up with the lightning fast speed and reality-warping powers of Pizzahead’s latest creation. 

Seeing how quickly the fight had turned toward his favor, Pizzaface was laughing maniacally as he imbedded himself with shadow-energy, which enveloped his body in a dark purple aura. “BAHWAHAHA!!! You should have curled up like the pathetic little insect that you are; I would have spared you that way!” Pizzaface cackled, as he began levitating from the floor before immediately soaring through the air at light-speed; his shadowy afterimage tricking Badeline into firing her crimson beam at where he had already been. “TOO SLOW, TOO SLOW!!!” Pizzface shouted victoriously, as he practically teleported behind Badeline before slashing his hand down at her head, as though the edge of his mechanical palm were a razor-sharp knife.

Even though Badeline herself had a tremendously fast reaction time, not even she was able to register Pizzaface’s attack until Madeline came dashing in at the last microsecond; the orange-haired girl becoming a ball of light, that collided against the back of Pizzaface’s metal head just in time to send him tumbling forward in the air. “G-Guwah?! D-Damn it…! That was too close…!” Badeline muttered with a shudder, as she followed up with Madeline’s dash attack by blasting a piece of Pizzaface’s left shoulder from the back; melting through his chassis, and revealing the servo motors and wiring inside.

“Neither of you wants to play fair?! FINE; I'LL MAKE IT FAIR MYSELF!!!” Pizzaface roared out angrily, while still flying forward in midair. Turning backwards and upside down, so that the top of his metal head was a foot off of the ground while he was still facing toward his two opponents, Pizzaface’s hands both became coated in shadow-energy before he rammed them into the Earth while he was still moving; creating two Subspace rifts in his wake, that grew until all that was left were two massive fissures with an endless abyss in each one of them. 

Bracing herself for some sort of Eldritch monster or hellfire to escape from Pizzaface’s summoned rifts, Madeline stood her ground with Badeline floating behind her like a guardian angel. With how prepared they were, both young women were caught off guard the moment they saw two somewhat large and chubby cheese dragons floating up from the black voids; a derpy look in her tiny eyes, while they struggled to float toward them with their miniscule little white wings.

Dumbstruck by the two morbidly obese cheese dragons, Madeline narrowed her eyelids with a suspicious look in her brown eyes. “You have to be kidding me… There’s no way that that whole thing he just did was all to summon… What even are those things?” Madeline asked aloud to her purple-haired doppelganger, while still keeping her guard up.

“I think they’re supposed to be yellow-melting dinosaurs… Wait, hold on; something’s happening,” Badeline explained, as both she and Madeline averted their attention back down to where the large portals to Subspace were beginning to merge with one another. The massive fissure in the ground began to form a nearly half-a-mile wide circle in the ground; creating a perfect opening for the five layers of circular transparent runes to be cast out from within them.

Even though she couldn’t read what the ethereal-cyan markings floating upward into the stratosphere read, Badeline was able to easily sense the malicious tension in the battlefield as the booming runes in the sky exploded in a cloudburst of pure energy; sending out a shockwave that caused both the two cheese dragons and young women to be sent flying backwards unexpectedly.

Tucking and rolling while her doppelganger was needing to use her levitation powers to level herself out behind her, Madeline used her fingers to anchor herself in the ground by digging her hands into the ground; straining the muscles in her arms, while her lower half was still floating up in the direction of the shockwave. “This isn't good; this isn't good at all,” Madeline muttered with terror in her voice, as she watched as even the derpy cheese dragons were trying their hardest to fly away from the massive ram-horned beast that was crawling out from the circular portal.

The “Bahamut SIN” that was using its massive golden claws to anchor itself in ground was beyond anything Madeline could have imagined seeing; its lipless teeth alone were the size of her standing up, and that was even counting the sheer size of its many-horned gray head. With only it being partially out of the portal— just up past its heavily-armored shoulders that were the size of a two-story building each on their own— Madeline and Badeline were both overwhelmed with what their eyes were trying to comprehend.

Staring at the nightmarish monster that looked to be straight out of the Bible, Madeline was losing her resolve as it loomed over her like a mountain, making her feel insignificant with its glowing red stare, and its ground-shaking roar. Looking at what she figured to be Death itself, Madeline was frozen to the spot as she saw from the corner of her eye a small orb of golden light that was flying straight upward into Bahamut SIN’s one-hundred foot-long head. “W…What is that thing...!?” The orange-haired girl asked with bated breath, while Badeline was able to use her heightened senses to detect the flying Italian who was heading straight for the colossal monster’s armor-plated face.

“G… Gustavo?!” Badeline asked aloud with a confused and anxious voice, as she couldn’t for the life of her know why he the short chef was flying directly into the massive maw of the angelic dragon with the severed head of Galleon in his hand. 

Covered in sweat, cuts and dirt, nothing about the nightmarish bipedal dragon was deterring the powerful chef from doing everything in his power to not only protect Madeline, but to ensure that his pet’s sacrifice wasn’t in vain. “HEY YOU BIG UGLY GOOMBA!!! TRY THIS MEATBALL ON FOR-A SIZE; IT’S ON THE HOUSE!!!” Gustavo roared out in a battlecry, as he tightened his hold on the detached robotic head that held an active bomb inside of it. Carefully timing himself, Gustavo used his momentum to pierce himself straight through the Bahamut’s mouth, shattering its teeth and exiting through the back of its throat, all while leaving Galleon’s head inside its gullet.

Stunned at the sheer power that Gustavo had at his fingertips, Madeline let out a soft gasp as the corners of her lips curled into a wide smile, all while Badeline was just staring up at the flying Italian with her jaw agape in disbelief. “I-Impossible…! How in the world did he do that…?! He’s like, three feet tall, IF THAT?!?” Badeline asked, while still in shock as she watched Gustavo making a second lap around the monster who was flailing as it fell back into the massive abyss underneath it.

Cheering himself on with his hands raised up, Gustavo was hovering over the defeated monster as he looked down at Madeline and her purple-haired doppelganger with an exhilarated look on his mustached face. “LET’S GOOOOOOO!!! OH YEAAAAA-AAAAHHH?!? HOLY CRAP!!! I-I GOT TOO COCKYYYYYY!!!” Gustavo suddenly wailed out in a panic, before accidentally getting caught in the massive Subspace explosion that decapitated Bahamut, before both he and the dragon were transformed into two separate trophies of themselves.

And just like that, in a matter of a few seconds, Madeline was left speechless once again; this time, for a far less celebratory reason than moments before. “G… G-Gustavo…?!” The orange-haired girl finally uttered out, as all the color in her already pale face vanished within a split second. Falling to her knees, Madeline had to imagine a feather floating before her very eyes, while Badeline watched as the massive circular portal on the ground began to eat away at the rift left behind by the Subspace bomb; the two trophies being sucked in, just before the two powerful tears in their fabric canceled each other out.

As devastated as she was, Madeline was quickly forced back into reality the moment she heard Badeline’s crimson beam blasting away at the horde of primids that were surrounding them. Just as she got up to her feet, Madeline was suddenly shot in her lower back by an energy bullet; the jolt of nerve-damaging heat she felt caused her eyes to widen, as she lost her footing and fell flat down on her face. 

Feeling shaken to her core upon looking over her shoulder to see her other half getting swarmed with red-eyed shadow troopers, Badeline screamed out for Madeline before using both hands to clap down on the volatile energy that she had been charging up in her palms; creating a fan-shaped projectile that sliced clean through the primids. “Madeline…! Madeline, get up! Please!” Badeline shouted with fear in her voice, as she flew over to where the orange-haired girl was struggling to pick herself up from the ground. “We don’t have time for this, please! C-Come on Madeline, I-I can’t do this without y-OUGH?!?"

Hearing a painful gasp escaping from her dopleganger’s mouth, Madeline opened her eyelids all the way while her head was still hanging down. The rain from the dark clouds seemed to grow ever more intense, as the sky lit up the moment a lightning bolt split the skies apart; casting a familiar shadow down on Madeline, before darkness once again fell over her. Too much in pain to look up in time, Madeline flinched the moment she heard the sound of Badeline’s neck cracking before suddenly seeing the purple-haired girl’s trophy falling down hard in front of her; her frozen red eyes looking back at hers, while Pizzaface towered over them both.

“One down… One more to go,” Pizzaface said in an evil voice, as he knelt down to pick up Madeline, just as she was beginning to force herself to crawl away with just her upper body pulling herself through the mud. Gripping her torso with just one gloved-hand, Pizzaface was snickering at how pathetic Madeline looked while trying to free herself from him, but was quickly silenced he felt a rocket-propelled grenade hit him square in his shoulder’s weak spot; the fiery blast exploding his servo motors and wires, and causing for the arm he had been using to pull Madeline up from the ground to fall off.

Without showing any initial reaction, Pizzaface slowly looked over to the smoke that was rising out of his mechanical body’s gaping wound where his left arm had been, before turning his head over his damaged shoulder to look directly into the terrified face of Mr. Stick. “Ah… The “Carpetbagger”... I’m genuinely surprised to see someone like you in a place like this; you’re a long way from home, you money-hungry thief,” Pizzaface said with a challenging smile forming on his robotic face, as he watched the suited man quickly load another rocket into the front of his looted firearm.

“S-Shut up, you maniac!” Mr. Stick stuttered out with terror in his voice, as he used his shaking hands to aim down the sights before squeezing on the trigger; letting out a yelp, as he watched Pizzaface use the dark-matter in his palm to completely absorb the rocket into his Subspace dimension.

Letting out a throaty chuckle as he slowly marched his way toward the fumbling man, Pizzaface cracked his knuckles while watching as Mr. Stick attempted to reload his rocket launcher. “Now that I’ve got your undivided attention, I’ve got to ask you something that’s been on my mind: Did you have the intention of helping Peppino destroy my tower when you rented out my “Boss Gates”, or were you simply looking out for yourself?” Pizzaface inquired, before making sure to add “There’s no point in lying, you scrawny little worm; you’re dying regardless of what you say.”

“... G-Go dunk your fat-greasy head in a deep-fryer, P-Pizzaface; t-that’s my answer!” Mr. Stick shouted with tears of anger flowing from the corner of his glasses, as he used his last shot to fire his rocket up into the air; shooting it out like a flare.

Confused by what he thought to be a misfire, Pizzaface came to a stop once he was less than a foot away from the trembling man; his pepperoni eyes gazing up at the firework-like explosion in the raining-dark sky, before he looked back down at where Mr. Stick was trying to use his empty launcher to bash its tube chassis against his white pant leg. “Either you’re the worst shot I’ve ever met, or you were stupid enough to think that would actually do something for you… You’re quite the enigma, you long-nosed bastard; I’ll give you that… I’ll also give you THIS,” Pizzaface quipped with a sinister voice, as he reached down to grab Mr. Stick with his one remaining hand, tightening his cheesy hand around the suited man’s torso and arms, before squeezing down on his lanky body slowly.

Feeling his insides turning to cartoony goop, while his head began to inflate and turn red, Mr. Stick’s fingers let go of the empty rocket launcher in his right hand as Pizzaface watched slowly with a sadistic look on his metal face, as he slowly squeezed the life out of the man’s body. Hearing Mr. Stick’s gurgled wheezes and whimpers over Pizzaface’s low chuckles, Madeline was hyperventilating while seething in pain, as she dragged her lower half behind her while making her way through the heavy storm and mud to where the mecha was killing her ally.

“Let go…! Let go of him, y-you’re hurting him…!” Madeline croaked out with pain writhing in her pleading voice, as she got close enough to Pizzaface’s nine-foot tall leg to begin trying to pull him away from the suited man. Hearing the cruel pizza-mecha letting out a howling laugh, Madeline let out a cry of pain the moment she felt his heel colliding with her face, instantly giving her a bloody nose, as she was flung backward several meters away.

“Heh heh, ah ha…! Yeah… I know I am,” Pizzaface cackled with his bellpepper lips curling into a twisted smile, as he watched eagerly as the life faded from behind Mr. Stick’s eyeglass, just moments before his corpse was transformed into a trophy. Hearing Madeline screaming defiantly in heartache and fury, Pizzaface had his back to her as he stared down at the statute-version of Mr. Stick in his hand, admiring its mint condition, while inspecting its bronze base-platform that hovered beneath the trophy’s feet.

“Hmph… Another fine addition to my collection; I believe all that’s missing is Peppino,” Pizzaface spoke aloud, before using his dark-matter powers to transport the trophy of Mr. Stick into Subspace, leaving behind nothing, as he lowered his single-remaining arm down by his side. “Heh, haha, ah… But not to worry, you pathetic little sack of meat, I’ll grant you one last parting gift before your demise,” Pizzaface mused cruelly, as he slowly turned around to stare down at the injured girl with a sadistic look in his pepperoni eyes.

“... S-Screw you,” Madeline spat out hatefully in her weary voice, as she laid bleeding in the mud as the heavy rain washed down on her body with its chilling icy droplets. “I… I’ve got nothing left to say to you…” The young woman whispered wearily, while trying to accept her fate with as much grace as possible, so as to not give Pizzaface the reaction he wanted out of her. 

Seeing through her facade and knowing exactly what she was trying to do, Pizzaface’s dark thoughts took over, as his sadistic mind figured out exactly what to do. “How admirable; you’re trying to stay brave in the face of Death itself… Unfortunately for you— and whatever facade you’re trying to cower behind— my plan require you to sing your little heart out” Pizzaface screamed with a vile tone in his maddened voice, as he picked Madeline’s dirty and bloodied body up from the mud before pinching his finger and thumb down on her left shoulder blade.

Feeling searing hot-white pain as Pizzface began splintering the bones in her clavicle and upper arm, any and all attempts at trying to remain stone-faced and fearless vanished as Madeline heard sickening cracks and popping coming from her upper body. “AAAAGHHHHH!!! AAHHHHH, AAAARHHHGHHHH!!!” Madeline wailed out in a blood-curdling cry of agony, as hot-tears began to stream down the corners of her widened eyes.

Not paying any attention to the girl who he was torturing, Pizzaface was staring off toward the direction of where he had last seen the unconscious Italian chef. “Come on out, Peppino… I know you’re listening… Show your mustached face to me, otherwise I’m going to- THERE YOU ARE!!!” Pizzaface roared with excitement, as he tossed Madeline’s injured body aside like a rag the moment his lightning-fast eyes caught sight of the Italian chef speeding toward him at speeds far beyond anything capable of breaking the sound barrier. 

Ducking down, Pizzahead rolled forward to avoid getting body slammed by Peppino before sweeping one leg across to slam the side of his boot against the Italian man. Unsurprised to see the chef being able to dodge his attack by diving through the air into a somersault, Pizzahead was laughing hysterically with euphoria coursing through his host’s tomato-veins. “Good…! GOOD!!! YOU HAVEN’T LOST YOUR TOUCH, PEPPINO!!!” Pizzaface shouted with enthrallment in his booming voice, as he quickly rolled backward to avoid getting hit by the Italian man’s aerial dive. 

With his body being pelted by the cold rain pouring down on him and his mecha-opponent, Peppino rose to his feet at the same time that Pizzaface did; lighting struck behind them, as the two arch nemeses stared at one another. “I-a don’t have any idea what’s going on, nor do I-a care to-a know what reason-a you have to be doing all of-a this,” Peppino said in a cold voice, as the cold wind blew icy-droplets of water against his face. “None of it-a matters to me… You’ve-a hurt my topolina, and for-a that I’m going to-a find you, and end you once, and-a for all… Pizzahead.”

“YES!!! I love the arrogance in your voice, Peppino! The way you talk like you’re some sort of tragic hero, when in reality you’re just a pathetic shell of a man; it’s so palpable, I can literally taste it from here,” Pizzaface replied back, while using his artificial mouth to mimic pleased hums, while Peppino remained unphased by his words. “I want you to come at me with all your hatred! Seeth, even as I drag your broken body to your restaurant to see it burn to the ground by my own…? Why in the hell are you LAUGHING?!?” Pizzaface shouted angrily, as the moment that he had been imagining for so long was being ruined by the cynical laugh coming from the Italian chef. 

“Heh, hahaha, ah ha… You didn't think that-a I would have taken-a care of that ALREADY?!?” Peppino asked with a challenging look in face; prompting the pizza-mecha to glare perplexed at him, while growing more frustrated at him for soiling what should have been his triumph over him.

“Ergh…! WHAT are you getting at, Peppino?!? Spit out already, while your head is still attached to your neck!” Pizzaface asked spitefully, while growing even more outraged until he saw Peppino slowly reach into his pocket to pull out a flintbox-lighter. “... Y… You didn’t…” Pizzaface uttered in disbelief and shock, as his artificial pepperoni eyes grew as his host trembled behind his controls.

Adjusting the brim of his white chef’s hat underneath the rain, a bolt of lightning flashed behind Peppino as he grinned mockingly at the devastated pizza-mecha. “That’s-a right, Pizzahead… I was-a already awake before-a you laid your filthy hands-a on my niece… I-a would have gotten here sooner, if I-a didn’t take the liberty to burn-a my own restaurant down before-a you got-a the chance to,” Peppino revealed with a cathartic smirk forming on his lips, as he watched the mecha’s one remaining hand curl tightly into a fist that was radiating with dark-matter.

Instead of voicing out how displeased and betrayed he felt, all that the maddened mecha could do was begin cackling as the corners of his bell pepper lips curled into an insane wide-open smile. “Y-You truly are fantastic, alright! You’re always f-finding ways to go beyond my expectations of you!” Pizzaface shouted with excitement in his unhinged voice, while Peppino watched as a colorful mixture of jet-black, purple and blue glowing liquids began leaking out of the open mechanical wound on his left-shoulder; the gooey black-matter forming into hundreds of tendrils, that began to take on the form of a prosthetic arm.

Clenching the clawed hand of his new appendage made out of the same energy found exclusively within Subspace, Pizzaface’s pepperoni eyes were glowing bright red as he haunched down like a hunter about to pounce on its prey. “You’ve taken so much from me; more than you could ever know… NOW IT’S MY TURN TO TAKE SOMETHING FROM YOUUUU-ARRAGHHH!!!” Pizzaface screamed out in a murderous voice, as he leapt forward while swinging his powerful arm down where Peppino was standing.

Blinded briefly by the mud and rainwater that was kicked up into the air, Pizzaface was only able to catch a brief second of the empty crater where Peppino had been, before suddenly feeling something wet and meaty wrap around his mechanical throat. Despite the fact that Pizzaface was only a remote-controlled mecha that Pizzahead was piloting from another dimension, the rage that was coursing through Peppino as he tightened the sausage-link rope around the mecha’s throat was enough to actually choke the anthropomorphic pizza; even while he was in Subspace.

Planting his feet on Pizzahead’s upper back, Peppino had a cold stare in his eyes as he leaned to where an ear would have been, had he actually been fighting a human instead of a mechanical abomination. “... Why-a don’t you-a take THIS instead-a...?” Peppino whispered, which enraged Pizzahead enough to finally allow him to break apart the sausage-link rope into a bunch of scatter wieners.

“GRAHHH!!!” Pizzaface shouted, as he tried reaching behind his back, just as Peppino leapt up-and-over him; landing perfectly on his feet as another bolt of lightning basked the devastated battlefield in a blinding flash of light. Due to how the Italian chef had actually managed to harm his pilot, Pizzaface was gasping for air, while his cooling systems pumped liquid nitrogen into his tubes full of tomato sauce.

Spitting out a chunk of crunched up steel and silicon cheese from his mouth, Peppino felt Pizzaface’s confused stare as he reached up to wipe away the leftover coolant from his lips. “That’s-a foul… And I-a thought the pizzas you sold were bad,” Peppino said coldly, while watching from the corner of his eye as Pizzaface reached up with his non-prosthetic arm toward his face; where the Italian chef had taken a chunk out of his robotic face.

Beyond furious to speak before striking, Pizzaface raised his dark-matter arm up to take aim at where Peppino was standing before firing out a beam of purple and white light. Seeing Peppino crouching down and leaping into the air using a super-jump, Pizzaface was continuously firing a steady beam of shadow-energy while raising his arm upward in an attempt to land a hit on his opponent. Grunting with excitement as he watched Peppino dive down over his intense beam attack, Pizzaface transformed his writhing-prosthetic into a long blade before slashing it at the Italian chef. “I’VE GOT YO-URUAHHHGHH!?!” Pizzaface howled in pain, before losing all control of his body as he was sent spiraling through the air with a giant slash across his mechanical head. 

Recovering from just using a taunt to parry the mecha’s attack, Peppino landed on his feet as he looked down to see the skid marks of where Pizzaface’s metal body had collided with the muddy ground. “... Did you-a think that after everything you’ve-a put me through in-a that tower, that-a something like-a THAT would have-a hurt me?” Peppino asked over the sound of thunder roaring in the sky, as he watched from the distance as Pizzaface’s silhouette rose from the ground.

No longer in the mood to quip back-and-forth with the man who he hated the most, the pilot behind Pizzaface was growing more unhinged as his raw pent-up fury was beginning to make him become undone. “Uruughh! Kill you…! I’ll kill you!” Pizzaface growled like a feral animal, as his glowing red eyes fixated on Peppino, while more of the glimmering dark-matter from his body began to pour out of his chassis; dark tendrils of black, purple, and blue colors growing over his metal body, and giving him a demonic appearance as it pierced through his eyes and into his own mouth. 

“I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! I’ll KILL you!” Pizzaface continued to growl hatefully, while Peppino watched with a completely calm and collected outward demeanor. “I’ll SPLATTER your insides; make a sloppy MESS out of you!” The mecha roared out in a distorted voice, as his monstrous form was illuminated by a bolt of lightning that made contact with the mud behind him. With his blazer and under dress shirt ripped apart, all that was left was Pizzaface’s upper body was a  steel-chassis that was enveloped in its glowing exterior-armor, that had become amalgamated with his massive twenty-foot long arm.

Growling while coolant and tomato sauce trickled down the sides of where his dark-matter armor had pierced into his mouth and into the sides of his throat, Pizzaface’s entire body dispersed a cloud of Subspace that erased the ground from underneath him, as he sprinted toward the Italian chef with the full intention of ending his life. “GRRAAGHH!!! PEPPINOOOOO!!!” The maddened mecha roared, as he raised his colossal arm of tethered tendrils and dark-matter before slamming it down against the Earth; creating a dark-shockwave and vacuum-pull that Peppino was able to dodge by leaping away from him.

Fueled by the bottled-up rage he had been storing within him for decades, Pizzaface was relentless as he tried again-and-again to smash the life out of Peppino with his matter-absorbing arm; recoiling the moment the Italian chef was able to land a counter attack by leaping forward to deliver a powerful kick to his exposed chin. Cocking his glowing arm back, Pizzaface punched forward with enough force to cause a gravitational discharge at the end of his glowing fist; causing the distant primids and surface to implode, while Peppino slid underneath his dark-matter arm, nose-first.

Leaping up with his full force, Peppino’s cartoonishly enlarged fist collided against Pizzaface’s armored torso; causing the mecha to let out a twisted cackle, as he finally got his chance to land a hit on the Italian man. Smiling with the two intrusive tendrils still buried deep inside his throat, Pizzaface used his dark-matter arm to pierce Peppino with his claws; tearing deep into the man’s body, while manipulating his liquid-like appendage to wrap his tendrils around the Italian man. Lifting his trapped opponent up to the air, Pizzaface squeezed the dark-fibers of his clawed hand down on Peppino, before swinging his arm back and chucking the chef at the muddy ground at break-neck speeds; creating a sonic boom in his wake, as he watched the mud explode the moment Peppino landed hard against the ground.

With how hard he had hit Peppino, along with how deep his claws had sunk into his body, Pizzaface was feeling triumphant over his opponent, and was beginning to chuckle in a low-sinister voice. That was, however, until he blindly sensed Peppino walking forward out of the crater and through the darkness and pouring rain; the chef looking visibly dirty, albeit worse for wear. “That wasn’t-a too bad… But I can-a do better,” Peppino said in his goofy Italian accent, as he reached up to adjust the brim of his chef’s hat; the upper part of his face being obscured by a shadow, as his eyes twinkled with judgment.

Drooling black-coolant from the corners of his invaded mouth, after the tomato sauce within his artificial body had been bled dry, Pizzaface was hardly recognizable as more-and-more black tendrils grew out of his broken chassis and onto his writhing dark-armor. “Grrrghhh! RAGHH!!!” Pizzaface with his broken voice modular roared out, as he leapt forward while Peppino sprinted right back at him; the Italian man leaping high up through the droplets of rain, before diving down with a vengeful look in his own crazed-expression.

Matching the Subspace power that Pizzaface had with his own Italian rage, Peppino’s body was enveloped in an aura of white lightning; creating more lightning bolts with his presence of power alone, as the Italian chef’s fist collided against the mecha’s dark-matter arm. Backflipping away from the massive disperse of conflicting energy that caused both him and Pizzaface to repel away from one another, Peppino parried the blast of shadow-energy being fired up at him while in the air; causing the sizeable chunk of Pizzaface’s exo-armor to disintegrate, upon being hit with his own Subspace-infused beam.

With his taunt having caused an explosion that kicked up water and mud into the dark air before him, Peppino landed lightly on his feet while staring through the heavy shroud of rain as he saw Pizzaface’s deteriorating body leaping out of the debris; his glowing red-eyes once again visible. “GRAHH!!! PEPPINOOOO!!!” Pizzaface screamed out in a scratchy-digital voice, as he tried slashing diagonally across with his sharpened appendage, to which Peppino was able to parry by timing his taunt just right.

Having weakened the arm by parrying it, Peppino rolled through the mud and onto his side afterward; his glowing white aura intensifying and creating an explosion of lightning in his wake, as he propelled himself forward toward Pizzaface. With the mech having raised his dark-limb just in time to block his attack, Peppino rebounded off of Pizzaface’s arm-blade, and landed one again on the ground. Going back-and-forth, Peppino and Pizzaface were constantly exchanging blows that were, more often-than-not, parried by the calculating chef and his battle-prowess.

That’s when Peppino quickly ducted and slid underneath Pizzaface’s extended arm. Charging up a powerful super jump, Peppino tore straight through the mecha’s shadowy-limb; splitting it in half, while soaring upward toward the dark sky at a high velocity. Tumbling backward, Pizzaface screamed out in a static-ridden voice “P-P-EPP-IN-O-O-O,” while looking up helplessly as the Italian chef struck pose-after-pose, before coming back down at him harder than an asteroid hitting the Earth.

Having struck the muddy ground hard enough to create an aerial shockwave that split the dark-clouds apart, Peppino rose to his feet at the edge of the mile-wide radius crater he had made; staring down at the completely broken and dismantled remains of Pizzaface that were laid in a messy pile within the center of ground zero. ‘... He’s not coming out of that thing like how he did last time, and I don’t see his body anywhere. He must have been controlling that model elsewhere… Which means I still have work to… Oh no,’ Peppino thought to himself, as he turned around toward the direction of his restaurant; the same very establishment that he had lied about to Pizzahead about having burned it down himself.

While he and his friends had been battling Pizzaface and his army on his side of the battlefield, the Ancient Minister had successfully defeated Caesar’s band of freedom fighters, and thus had finally reached his restaurant. As if they knew that Peppino was watching them with bated breath, the Ancient Minister stared back at the Italian man with their magnified optics; keeping their yellow-glowing eyes locked onto his panicked stare, as he opened a portal into Subspace just in time to avoid being caught in the dimensional-absorbing explosion that had been initiated by two robotic operating buddies on the roof of his pizzeria. 

Feeling his heart sink into the bottom of his chest, the part of Peppino that was mourning for his destroyed restaurant was completely overridden by the terror he had for Madeline’s safety. Thinking fast and on his feet, Peppino took advantage of the parted rain clouds to quickly locate his wounded niece before sprinting toward her at speeds that not even he thought were possible for him to achieve. 

With the ever-growing vacuum of the Subspace’s explosion quickly expanding toward them, Peppino knelt down with sweat pouring down his forehead as he carefully assessed Madeline’s wounds. “Madeline, oi… It’s-a time for us to go,” Peppino said quietly, as he pulled his once-white tank-top off of his black t-shirt, before using that to bandage up his niece’s bleeding shoulder; only after he had used his hands to tear the ruined sleeve of her favorite puffy-jacket off. 

Feeling woozy and unable to move on her own, with how much damage she had sustained in her lower back and from blood loss alone, Madeline gave a moment’s glance toward the incoming dimensional-absorbing blast, before turning back to smile wearily at the Italian man. “U… Uncle… D… Did you… Did you see it…?” Madeline asked in a barely audible voice, as Peppino knelt down to scoop her up in order to carry her bridal-style. “Did… Did you see… Did you see the f-feather…?”

Holding on tightly to his niece’s petite body, Peppino used his strategic mind to plan out the fastest route from his location to the top of the cliff, before looking down to meet his niece’s exhausted grin. “Yes topolina, I saw-a the feather…But-a that’s not-a what helped me,” Peppino said with comforting smile on his face, before growing determined with an intense look growing in his fiery eyes, as he began sprinting around the edge of the large crater and toward the crumbled remained of the Pizza Tower at the bottom of the cliffside.

Too delirious from having just nearly been tortured to death, after having survived against an army of primids, Madeline was finding it extremely difficult to keep her heavy eyelids open, while Peppino was sprinting through the remaining soldiers of the Subspace Army. “Oh…? W-What ended up doing… Doing the trick… The trick for you, U-Uncle…?” Madeline asked curiously; too tired and out of it to worry about anything else, other than what Peppino had to say to her inquiry.

Physically straining his brain and muscles, as Peppino fought against the vacuum pull of the incoming blast, the Italian man could hear an assortment of harmonic hums and echoes coming from the otherside of the bright blue-and-purple energy that was threatening to pull him and his niece into vast regions of Subspace; where they would be at Pizzahead’s mercy, and be hopeless to stop him. ‘Almost Peppino! You’re almost there!’ The Italian man cheered for himself, while letting out a defiant cry as the top of his chef’s hat was millimeters away from touching the dark-matter energy of the blast.

Using his powerful legs and momentum to launch himself and Madeline like a spiraling bullet cutting through the air, Peppino leaped toward the swirling white-light portal within the marble-pillar ridden area of where the Pizza Tower had once stood. “IT WAS YOU, TOPOLINA; YOU WERE WHAT BROUGHT ME BACK!!!” Peppino screamed on the top of his lungs, as he felt his body beginning to get pulled into the Subspace explosion. ‘I… I’m not going to make it…’ Peppino thought dreadfully to himself, as he felt a shiver go up his spine while his legs were being plunged into the infinite cold-void that was awaiting for him on the other side.

Oblivious to how close they were to losing everything they and everyone else had fought so hard to protect, Madeline was succumbing to slumber as she snuggled her face up against Peppino’s chest. “Oh… That’s sweet… Now, uh… Let’s go get that cannoli, or whatever, and… Save everyone… I know you can do it, Uncle Peppino; you can do… A-Anything…” Madeline trailed off with drool beginning to form at the corner of his mouth, while Peppino was clawing with one hand at the base of the portal- with only less than a second to get them inside, before it too was absorbed into Subspace.

“Come on Peps, don’t be-a lame! Just-a hold him for like, a minute! I’ve-a got to go check on Eva; God knows-a Gerald isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed,” Maria chuckled half-jokingly, while presenting her newborn for her anxious older brother to take into his arms.

Standing outside with his younger sister, within her cozy backyard that she and her husband kept green year-round within their home in Vancouver, Peppino was trembling in his shoes while visibly sweating as he put his hands up. “N-No-a way, Maria! The last-a time I held a baby was Eva, and she started-a screaming and I almost-a DROPPED her!”

“Yeah, hehe! But like-a, you didn’t!” Maria argued with a wide-grin across her lips, as she extended her newborn child out further into her brother’s reluctant hands. “It’ll be okay-a, big brother! Just-a keep calm, and it’ll allllll be a-okay!” His younger sister coaxed in a calming voice, while silently insisting with a cute smile on her face, until Peppino finally caved in by reluctantly cradling his nephew in his strong arms. Looking down at the orange-haired newborn, Peppino felt tears of joy and pride welling up in his eyelids, as he watched as his sleepy nephew let out a tiny-baby yawn, before snuggling his chubby face against him. 

“He’s…! He’s-a so precious…!” Peppino quietly whispered in a teary-eyed voice, while feeling an immense wave of serotonin flowing through his body. 

Smiling back with a slightly smug look on her face, Maria used her free hand to fix her light-blue strands of hair, before chuckling softly as she reached down to pop her own lower back. “Te l'avevo detto che sarebbe andato tutto bene— I told you everything-a would be fine!” Maria said reassuringly, as she gently patted her older brother on the shoulder, before stepping in closer to him. Resting her head against his strong arm, Maria smiled proudly while watching her precious newborn quietly snoring while holding on tightly to a handful of Peppino’s shirt that he had managed to get a hold of. “Hmmm…! Look, he trusts you, Peps; trusts you to carry him with his life…”

“... And you know what? I know my-a little “topolino” is in great hands. So don’t-a let ANYTHING happen to him while I’m-a gone, okay? I trust you, and so does your nephew… Keep him safe, big brother; like-a how you kept me-a safe.”

“ EYAAAOOOWWWHH!!! ” Peppino roared out as a battle cry, as he defied all logic by using his one free arm to pull both him and Madeline out of Subspace; an act that should have been otherwise impossible, since he and she and both had been absorbed into its cold-dark void. Through his determination to keep Madeline safe alone, Peppino had refused fate and the will of the infinite-multiverse itself by tearing open a hole back into his own dimension, while it was in the midst of being absorbed into Subspace itself.

With only microseconds to spare, Peppino and Madeline were in the skyless version of their homeworld, and were unable to take in the uncanny sights of seeing everything around them fading out of existence as the Italian man clawed his way past the marble base of the Pizza Castle’s entry portal, before launching both he and she through the white-glowing rift. Just as the ethereal energy had finally died within the portal, Peppino made sure to land on his back with Madeline resting on top of him, as he plopped out of the empty archway that had housed the rift just a split-moment ago.

Laying flat on his back and in a pool of his own sweat, Peppino was gasping for air as he held Madeline protectively close to him, wrapping his arms around her, while wildly looking around him in all directions. When Peppino finally got his bearings, and was able to somewhat calm down from his panicked state, it took the Italian man a moment to realize just how similar the textured-surface of the stark-white castle interior was to the jagged spires that had been surrounding the portal way. Unlike the Pizza Tower, the inside of the Pizza Castle was extremely sleek and appeared to be technologically centuries ahead of whatever was in Pizzahead’s last fortress.

Cautious of where they were, the only reason why Peppino was so urgent to explore the first floor of the flying castle was because he needed to seek medical attention for Madeline, who was still in critical condition from her battle with Pizzaface. With time being of the essence, Peppino carefully picked Madeline back up bridal-style, as he used his legs alone to push himself back on his feet. Being more than experienced with interdimensional gateways that led into different worlds, Peppino was feeling overwhelmed by the hundreds of doors that he saw within the first story alone; and those were only the ones that he saw while frantically searching through the hallways of the first wing of the Pizza Castle. 

Chapter Text

Fueled by desperation, and the need to save his niece from the horrific fate that had been bestowed onto his allies, Peppino had become tunnel-visioned in his mission to treat Madeline’s injuries to the point that he wasn’t even fully aware of his surroundings. The creeping anxiety that he had been able to fight off during his battle with Pizzaface was coming back full force; leaving the Italian chef as a sweating mess, while being completely unaware of the short-cartoon character that was constantly tiring itself out while trying to shadow him from a distance. Ignoring the exhausted “nyagas” that were faintly echoing off the colossal white walls around him, eventually what caught Peppino’s attention amidst his panic was a very familiar flowery and nutty aroma that was faintly wavering in the air.

‘ C… Coffee? How?! How can anyone be brewing something like that, in a God-forsaken place like this?! ’ Peppino thought to himself with beads of perspiration still dripping down his brow, before beginning to use his sense of smell to guide him to where possible help could be. Rather than taking any of the main corridors that he had already tracked through over a hundred times, Peppino’s nose led him down an unsuspecting crawl space that was near the unenergized archway that no longer had a portal inside of its ovular structure; finding a crudely constructed wooden door built at the corner of a tight-space, just behind the trans-dimensional gateway he had used to get into the Pizza Castle in the first place.

‘ Whoever built the front must have jury-rigged its construction; I haven’t seen handiwork like this since… Wait! P-Pink?! ’ Peppino’s thoughts quickly shifted, after his eyes were assaulted with the bright-pink painted walls of the surprisingly large and completely furnished cafe that he had stumbled into. ‘ Wait! Wait, I-I know this place! I’ve been here before! ’ Peppino thought to himself with a mixed feeling of dread and comfort, as he stared at the solid-pink booths, the front pink countertop-bar on the opposite side, along with the ridiculous mural of a loaf of bread that was still being worked on by none other than his rival’s girlfriend.

Gobsmacked, Peppino stared wordlessly at the whimsical woman, who had her back turned toward him, humming the tune of “Pumpin’ Hot Stuff” to herself, as she reached high up using her cartoonishly long arm to begin painting her own face on the mural. “N… Noisette?” Peppino finally called out, and watched as the girl in the pink-bunny mask lowered her paint brush. 

“... No way? You’ve gotta be pulling my leg!” Noisette spoke aloud and in disbelief, before lowering her arm as she spun around to look back at the anxious chef with a giant-toothy grin on her face. “ OH, WOWIE!!! Italian Man, y-you’re actually ALIVE?!? ” Noisette asked aloud in a flabbergasted voice; her bucktooth smile slowly disappearing, the moment she looked down to see Madeline injured and passed out in her uncle’s arms. “Oh… Oh no, that’s not good…” Noisette muttered with a concerned tone in her voice, as she dropped her brush on her checkered floor, before making her way over to where Peppino was walking toward her.

“This is my niece-a, and she’s hurt really-a bad… That sonofabitch-a Pizzaface did a number on her shoulder… Please, I need-a help,” Peppino explained in a fatigued voice, as he stumbled toward one of the pink booths within the cafe, before carefully lowering Madeline onto the table with the help of Noisette, who was standing across from him. “I-a don’t know how you got here, or how-a you got the materials to recreate-a your little coffee shop in… W-Whatever this place is. B-But-a if you could do the same thing to-a pull out some sort of… I-I don’t know, medicine or-a healing item out of your pocket, t-then y-you could-a help Madeline that-a way! Please, I-I can’t-a lose her…”

“I… I-I fully understand that, Mr. Spaghetti; truly, I do,” Noisette replied, dropping her silly demeanor and showing respect to the Italian chef’s dire predicament by removing her pink rabbit mask; setting it on the edge of the table beside Madeline’s hiking boots, while thinking hard to herself about what she could do to help. “I… I used to be an animal wrangler for Theo’s show, and I’ve had experience dealing with minor injuries… B-But as far as what you’re wanting from me, Mr. Spaghetti, I… I don’t have any first-aid supplies on me; just my cafe stuff, that’s all,” Noisette replied apologetically; feeling hurt from how devastated Peppino’s face was, as he stared back at her with his pleading eyes.

“P-Please, Noisette… There HAS to-a be something that you can-a do for her; she means-a so much to me,” Peppino begged in a shaking voice; which tugged at Noisette’s heartstrings enough for her to begin considering solutions that were “out-of-the-box”, even for her.

“ Uh… T-Theo’s in the bathroom right now; he might know what to do! I-I’ll go get him,” Noisette said with urgency in her voice, before turning heel and sprinting through her cafe fast enough to leave behind a dust-silhouette of herself where she once stood across from Peppino. Not more than a second later, Noisette was dragging Noise behind her out of the bathroom she had behind her counter, while he was trying to break free from her powerful grip.

“Aww geez, come on Hazel; I’ve already helped you feel better by helping you set up your stuff! Can’t ya just let me have five minutes to myself to-?! P-Peppino?! ” Noise shouted with a shocked expression on his unmasked face, as he spun around to face his rival just as his girlfriend finally let go of his shoulder. “Peppino, how the hell are you even here right now?! Last I saw you, you were squaring off with Pizzaface after he-”

“-Babe, focus,” Noisette interrupted, as she gestured to her boyfriend toward the orange-haired girl who was lying unconscious on top of the booth’s table. “You can bicker and squabble all you want with him, AFTER we help his niece.”

“His niece…? You got yourself a niece, Peps?! Since when…” Noise idly muttered under his breath, as he leaned closer toward Madeline to begin carefully inspecting the hastily done bandage job that Peppino had done on the battlefield. “ Eh, this is sloppy… I take it you didn’t disinfect her wound?”

“I-a didn’t have time for anything other than-a to wrap her broken arm up… What are you-a doing…?!” Peppino asked with his eyelids narrowed, as he watched Noise carefully unwrap the makeshift bandage from Madeline’s shoulder, ensuring to take gentle care by lowering her damaged arm down to her side, before reaching into his costume.

“Disinfecting her wound the old fashion way; I’ve gotta use what we got, you know?” Noise answered with a concentrated voice, as he uncapped the flask he pulled out before pouring some of his strong liquor onto the large cut that ran from her collar to the midsection of her bicep. “ Her clavicle looks fractured… Ruptured muscle tissues, and I suspected that there’s tearing in the coracohumeral ligament, too, ” Noise said quietly, more so to himself than to anyone else.

Confused as to how the same man who acted unhinged and brainlessly crude on television could somehow speak in medical jargon and appear to know what he was doing at the same time, Peppino furrowed his brows as he asked suspiciously, “And-a how do you know all of that, Noise? I-a thought you were some kind-a of televised jackass; not some kind of doctor.”

Rolling his tired eyes at Peppino, Noise scowled at the Italian man while reaching over to the napkin dispenser beside Madeline’s head to pull out a stack of white disposable wipes. “Shut up, Italian Man; unlike you, I only PRETEND to be a dumbass sometimes, all for the sake of entertainment. You, on the other hand? You’re just naturally-”

“-Alright, that’s enough Theo; let him be,” Noisette intervened; flashing her boyfriend a serious look that made the annoyed man bite back his tongue, and stop himself from finishing his insult. Looking back at Peppino while Noise was placing the clean napkins over Madeline’s disinfected wound, Noisette smiled gently at the Italian chef before explaining “Theo’s parents wanted him to be a doctor when was younger, so they put him through med-school to become a physician.”

“... Really?! Wow, I-a would never-a have guessed,” Peppino mused with an impressed tone that Noise immediately mistook for condescending. 

“ Urgh! Hey newsflash, fatass: I’m a hell of a lot smarter than what most people give me credit for!” Noise said angrily, while still being able to carefully tend to Madeline’s wound, as he began redoing the makeshift bandage around the young woman’s shoulder and arm. “Those jetpacks I made—the ones I used during our one-on-one fight— yeah, guess who engineered them in the first place-”

“-Stop it, Theo; now’s not the time for that dumb stuff,” Noisette interrupted once again; this time showing more sincerity in her eyes that not only stopped her boyfriend from finishing his unproductive rant, but managed to squeeze some remorse out of his abrasive attitude. 

Letting out a low sigh, Noise silently kept his eyes glued to Madeline’s wrapped-up arm for a few moments, before finally lifting his head up so that he was staring back at Peppino’s anxious expression. “... Look Peperino, it’s been a long, crappy day for us all; I get that; really, I do… With that being said… Hazel’s right about my behavior: me being pissy at you isn’t doing any of us any favors, and for that I’m sorry,” Noise said with an earnest look in his eye, which made Peppino’s scowl soften up as he relaxed his shoulders.

Sighing, Peppino nodded his head agreeingly before speaking. “Thank-a you, Noise; that-a was a very mature of-”

“-Sorry that you’re such a dumbass, GREASEBALL!!! ” Noise interrupted rudely; smiling mischievously back at Peppino, while managing to flip the Italian chef off before the back of his head was smacked by his annoyed girlfriend. “ OW, DAMNIT!!! ” Noise cried out, while rubbing his head before giving an apologetic chuckle at the dirty look Noisette was giving him. “S-Sorry toots; I couldn’t resist! But back to the kid, uh… On the brightside, the bleeding is stabilized, and the sling I fashioned from that piss-poor bandaging job you did should keep this kid from accidentally injuring her arm in her sleep,” Noise explained in a more sincere voice; lightening the mood, as Peppino let out a sigh of relief.

“ Oh…! Thank-a God…! ” Peppino sighed with a slightly lessened look of worry on his face, as he looked back down at his rival before letting out a low chuckle. “You’re-a lucky that I’m happy right-a now with you, Noise; otherwise I would-a have kicked your-a ass for what you said,” Peppino said in an exasperated tone, to which prompted Noise to smirk challengingly back at him.

“ Heh, yeah right; I’d like to see you try, tubby,” Noise quipped back, as he crossed his arms over his chest before beginning to frown slightly. “Before we go celebrating though, you oughta know that your niece still needs proper healing. All I’ve managed to do is just buy you time to find a more impactful solution, Pe-...?! W- NAAAAOAIYAO?!? ” Noise trailed off, before letting out his famous and iconic scream the moment he looked over Peppino’s shoulder to where the front entrance of the cafe was; his eye building out of his sockets, as he remained comedically suspended in midair while pointing his finger frantically.

Whipping around on high alert, Peppino’s heart sank in his chest the moment he saw the same two-foot tall chibi-girl with shoulder-length blond hair, who had a pair of oversized cat-ears on top of her head. “ EYAAAAAOAOAOAOW!?! ” Peppino screamed on the top of his lungs; his eyes bulging just as far out his sockets as Noises’, while pointing a terrified finger as well at the red-eyed chibi cat-girl, who smiled back at them with a cartoonish look on her face. 

After having just heard both men in the room shriek in fear, Madeline was beginning to stir awake; her heavy eyelids fluttering, as she let out a discombobulated groan. “Guwah…?! What’s with all the, you know…? Y-Yelling, or whatever…?” The orange-haired girl muttered, before slowly turning her head toward the direction that everyone else was. “... Uhhh, umm… Am I, like… Seeing things, or is that uh… Or is that some sort of anime character I’m looking at…?” 

“I think that’s just a beaver, sweetie,” Noisette spoke up with an intrigued smile on her face, as she decided to take it upon herself to greet the uncanny-looking cat-girl. “Welcome to my cafe, ma’am! Normally I’d sit you down and take your order, but unfortunately we’re not open at the moment, so you’ll have to come back another time,” Noisette explained with a pleasant voice, while continuing to walk up to the odd little character; coming to a stop when they were standing just a few feet apart from one another.

Genuinely worried for his girlfriend, Noise was poking his head behind Peppino’s back, as he called out from across the cafe “Careful Hazel! I’ve seen that look before; that thing’s DEFINITELY got a MEAN case of rabies!” 

Upon hearing Noise talking bad about her health, the cat girl’s crimson slit-pupils shifted over toward him; a dark aura overtaking her, even as her derpy-looking smile persisted on her face. “ Nyaga, nyaga! Say that crap to my face again, and I’ll bust your ass sideways!” The cat-girl threatened in her silly-sounding voice; speaking as though her tongue were too big for her mouth, as her tail that was sticking out from the hole she had cut out in the back of her maroon skirt swayed back-and-forth.

Stricken with horror over the fact that the cat-girl that he considered to be an abomination was capable of speech, Noise felt a shiver travel down his spine, as the color from his entire skin and costume faded away. “T… That thing just spoke to me, guys…! Oh my God, what else can it do…?!” The maskless man asked with a hushed voice, which the cat-girl was easily able to hear with her large feline-ears. “Look at it…! It looks like it just ran through traffic…!”

“NYAGA!!! THAT’S IT!!! Say goodbye to your nico-nico kneecaps, idiot!” The enraged cat-girl shouted with a murderous glimmer in her cartoon-eyes, as she whipped out a baseball bat from thin-air. Before she could march over toward where Noise was hiding behind Peppino to make good on her violent threat, the cat-girl came to a sudden halt the moment she looked up to where the Italian man was anxiously staring down at her with clattering teeth. “... OH!!! THERE YOU ARE, NYAGA!!! I’VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU!!!” The cat-girl needlessly screamed on the top of her lungs; causing the two men to let out a fearful yelp, as she dropped the baseball bat to the floor. “FOR SOMEONE OF YOUR AGE AND WEIGHT, YOU’RE VERY FAST— NYAGAAAAA~!!!”

Sweating bullets more than usual, Peppino was quaking in his black shoes as the cat-girl continued to stare into his very soul with her crimson pupils, as she stuck a hand in between the waistband of her skirt to begin fishing around for something in there. “I… I-I don’t know-a what’s going on right now…!” Peppino mumbled anxiously, before flinching as the cat-girl pulled out a giant red-tomato with a black letter “ M ” on it.

“ Nyaga~! Allow me to explain to you then, Italian Man! My name is Neco-Arc, and I’ve been trying to give you this “ Maxim Tomato ” since I saw you carry that injured girl into the Moon Cell! Or at least what’s become of the Moon Cell, that is!” Neco-Arc said enthusiastically, as she extended her arms out to offer her gift to the nervous chef. “Go on, nyaga~! Take it! TAKE IT, TAKE IT, TAKE IT, TAKE IT- ”

“-Santa Maria! OKAY, OKAY!!! I’ll take-a the stupid tomato!” Peppino shouted back frustratingly, as he grabbed the Maxim Tomato from Neco-Arc, before staring back down at it with a reluctant look. “Sheesh…! Okay, uh… N-Now-a what?” Peppino asked with an eager and uncertain voice, to which earned him a raised brow from his rival.

“Wait, you took the damn thing without even knowing what to do with it? Wow… You really are a moron, ain’t ya Italian Man?” Noise asked with a genuine tone in his voice, which earned him Peppino’s hand around his throat.

Clenching down hard enough on the Noise’s throat to elicit a rubber-squeak from him, Peppino was gritting his teeth as he stared furiously at the unmasked show-host; his skin turning red, as veins were cartoonishly popping out of the massive arm he was using to strangle the other man. “ THAT’S-A ENOUGH OUT OF YOU!!! ” Peppino screamed on the top of his lungs, before forcing himself to release his grip from the Noise’s crushed throat; leaving the short man deflated like a balloon without any helium inside of it, as he turned his attention back to the approving look on Neco-Arc’s face.

“ Nyaga~! You sure showed him, Boss!” Neco-Arc applauded with a sassy thumbs up, and made sure to quickly flip Noise off before giving her full attention back to Peppino. “Any-whoozle, the ingenious way to utilize that tomato is quite simple: just have her eat it, and it’ll heal her,” the cat girl explained, which prompted a nervous whine from the protective chef. 

“ Uhhhh, I-I see, I see… And-a no offense to you, “ Gattina ”, but-a how do I know that this-a won’t poison her?” Peppino asked reluctantly, after having just brightened-up Neco-Arc’s already happy mood by calling her “ kitten ” in his native tongue.

“ … H-Honestly, Uncle…? You won’t know… N-Not until we try it, ” Madeline said wearily before Neco-Arc could speak, as she fought through the pain radiating from her treated wound. Carefully lifting herself up into a sitting position by using her one good-arm to help her, Madeline saw her uncle flinch upon hearing her drained voice.

Turning his back to Neco-Arc, while Noisette casually made her way over toward Noise’s deflated body with an air-pump in hand, Peppino quickly took a step closer to place the Maxim Tomato down at the edge of the table, before reaching out with his freed hand to catch Madeline before she could fall back hard onto the table. “Topolina! You shouldn’t-a be straining yourself! You-a need to rest…!” Peppino patronized with a concerned voice, while feeling himself shaking on the inside, as Madeline winced while smiling back at him with the most reassuring look she could muster.

“ Uncle, n-normally I would agree with you on this one; we just met this cat-girl, and yeah, she’s pretty weird… But like… Aren’t we all…? ” Madeline asked rhetorically, before taking a moment to fight off the urge to pass out as she struggled to keep her eyelids open. “ B-Besides… It’s not like we got any other better options available to us… At this rate, I… I don’t think… I don’t think I’m going to- ”

“- Don’t… D-Don’t you-a dare finish that sentence, Madeline. Y… You’ll be-a fine; Noise fixed-a you right up! R-Right!?” Peppino asked with desperation in his voice, as turned nervously toward the man in question, who had just gotten his body pumped back to normal. 

Even though he felt vengeful for what the Italian chef had done to him, the stern look from his girlfriend persuaded Noise to let his vendetta go; all for the sake of the orange-haired girl, who the unmasked man knew was more important than any petty feelings he had at the moment. Sighing, Noise gave Peppino’s pleading smile an apologetic-solemn look, before shaking his head. “... It’s like I already told you Peppino: what I did was only a temporary fix. On the outside, yeah, she’s fine. On the inside though? Well… Internal bleeding is difficult to treat, even WITH the proper tools and training; from how pale she is though… My advice to you is to take the leap of faith, Peppino; it’s not like we’ve got much of a choice here,” the unmasked man explained with a heavy heart, while feeling Noisette’s gloved hand softly clamp down on his shoulder from behind.

Feeling light-headed as the room appeared to be spinning around him, the truth that Noise had given him was beginning to send Peppino into another panic attack. Gripping the edge of the table while struggling to take in oxygen, the Italian chef’s spiraling breakdown wavered the moment he felt Neco-Arc’s small hand tugging down at his black t-shirt. While still holding his niece up, Peppino turned his head toward his shoulder to down at Neco-Arc’s derpy-expression; one that seemed to be permanently plastered on her face. In that moment, Peppino found it odd that he was able to feel a genuine sense of her wanting to do good by him through the aura she was emitting from her cartoon-eyes; something that he couldn’t help but to find paradoxical, as there wasn’t thing about her that seemed capable of being serious.

“ Nyaga… It’s true that you don't really have a good reason to trust me, Boss…But even so, nyaga… I’m not sure how much a stranger’s word means to you, but the way I see it is that we’re all stuck in the same boat together. In times like these, we need to come together and unite; it’s the right thing to do, nyan, nyan-nyanga~, ” Neco-Arc explained; trying her best to convey a sense of right to the Italian Man, after having just involuntarily made cat noises at him several times during her short and heartfelt speech.

Still not convinced enough, Peppino locked eyes with the two-foot cat-girl while still struggling to fight off the panic attack that was threatening to immobilize him. “I… I want to-a believe you, Gattina; really, I-a do! B-But… But-,” letting out a gasp the moment he felt a familiar hand squeezing down on his shoulder, Peppino whipped his head back forward to where Madeline was still smiling back at him with a happy-look on her face. 

“ Then take that leap of faith, Uncle… If not for yourself, then do it for me… ” Madeline whispered in a hoarse voice; her brown eyes beginning to roll into the back of her head, as she was beginning to lose control of her bodily functions.

Snapped out of his panic attack, Peppino pulled Madeline’s trembling body closer to his chest, as he stared horrifically at her “W-What’s-a happening…?! T-Topolina?! M-MADELINE!?!” Peppino screamed out to his niece, as time seemed to slow down for him, as his crazed eyes immediately darted over to where the Maxim Tomato was, over at the edge of the table.

‘ I want to keep you safe, Madeline; every good family member wants that… But to be selfish enough to allow my own fears to get in the way of that…? That… That’s…’ Peppino’s thoughts trailed off, as his hand grabbed a hold of the aforementioned tomato, before quickly using his other arm to lower his niece’s body back. “ ... Unacceptable, ” Peppino muttered to himself, before slamming the Maxim Tomato into Madeline’s agape mouth. 

Unlike what he expected, the massive fruit with a big letter “ M ” on it disappeared into a cloud of white glittering-sparkles the moment Madeline’s jaw shut down onto a chunk of its delicious red-goodness. Watching in anticipation, just like how Noise and Noisette were from behind him, Peppino felt his heart pounding against the inside of his chest, as he watched as the magical sparkles from the Maxim Tomato slowly became absorbed into Madeline’s body; enveloping her body in a white-sillhoute for a split second, before fading away completely.

The moment that rejuvenating magic had invigorated her body with its healing properties, the surge of energy that Madeline felt coursing within her made the orange-haired girl’s eyelids shoot wide open, as a gasp escaped from her parted lips. “ GUH!!! W-WOAH!!! ” Madeline shouted, as the surreal experience she had just gone through made her need a moment to gather her composure before speaking again. “S-Sorry, sorry! It was just that, well… Oh, hey! Look Uncle, my arm’s back to normal again!” Madeline piped up with a pleased look on her face, as she showcased her mobility by moving her once-injured shoulder in circles, before taking her makeshift bandaging off to reveal perfectly unscarred skin underneath. 

“Wowie! Ain’t that some luck! And to think, that tomato-thingy could have actually been poisonous,” Noisette mused with a relieved look on her face, before squinting her eyelids as a sudden realization came to her. “Hey, wait a minute… How is it that all three of us are able to walk off getting flattened, blown-up, shot at, stabbed, and whatnot, but this gal almost dies from getting only one part of her crushed?” Noisette quietly asked her boyfriend, who looked back at her with a knowing look on his face.

“Ah, that’s an easy one babe! It’s probably because she ain’t got that full Italian blood, like the rest of us,” Noise answered confidently in his voice, despite being wrong to the point that even Noisette didn’t believe a word he had said.

“... But ain’t ya grandparents from Mexico, Theo?” Noisette pointed out, while beginning to quietly argue the faulty-logic behind her boyfriend’s explanation with him, as Peppino wrapped his arms tightly around his niece’s fully recovered body.

Nuzzling his sweaty face into Madeline’s collar, Peppino whispered a quiet prayer of thanks in his native tongue before leaning up to pepper the top of his precious niece’s head with kisses. “ Topolina…! I-I…! I was so-a worried about you…! A-Are you okay? D-Does anything still hurt, or feel off?!” Peppino asked quickly like an overprotective parent, all while leaning away from Madeline to carefully inspect her bare shoulder himself. 

Chuckling with a half-crooked grin across her face, the orange-haired girl playfully rolled her eyes while looking back down at Peppino. “Uncle, I already told you that I was fine…! Shesh, I almost died once and you…? U-Uncle?” Madeline stuttered, as her playful demeanor changed the moment she heard the sound of shaky breaths and whimpering from Peppino; who no longer looked as though he was inspecting her non-existing wound, but instead away looking down at the table, and away from his niece’s concerned eyes.

“U-Uncle Peppino… H-Hey, hey…! Hey look at me; everything’s okay, alright? I’m here, and so are you; we can fix this now,” Madeline said in a comforting voice, as she scooted closer to Peppino while he was quietly weeping, so that she could wrap her arms around him before pulling his head closer to her body. Holding her uncle’s head while resting her chin on top of his chef’s hat, Madeline was rubbing the back of Peppino’s black hair while feeling the eyes of everyone else in that room on them.

Even though she was able to tell that tender moment between him and his niece was one that was better off being left undisturbed, Neco-Arc still felt it necessary to comfort the overwhelmed and devastated chef, who was quietly whispering incoherent apologies to Madeline; blaming himself for what had happened to their home, and to the fate of everyone who they knew. Leaping up and onto Peppino’s shoulder, Neco-Arc gave his confused niece a friendly wave, before leaning in closer to where his ear was.

“ Nyaga, nyan…! She’s right you know; there’s still a way for us to undo everything that was altered by that fruity Pizza-guy, who came rolling in here like he was hot-stuff,” Neco-Arc said quietly, while revealing to Peppino that no only did she know more-or-less who Pizzahead was, but that she more than likely had a vendetta against him as well. “ Nyan~...! Don’t feel sad and overwhelmed, Boss: I’ll be coming along to help you circumnavigate through the Moon Cell, and take us where we need to go…!” Neco-Arc reassured; thinking that by telling Peppino that she would be there to guide the path, that it would alleviate the stress he felt in his head.

With his eyelids shut, Peppino was struggling to stay afloat amongst the sea of questions he had flooding inside of his head. Wondering what a “ Moon Cell ” was, trying to fathom how he was going to make it through an even larger version of the Pizza Tower, and of course attempting to comprehend all of the “ what if ” scenarios of what could go wrong were all what Peppino could only think of, while all that was keeping him from passing out were the comforting arms of his niece cradling his head.

Unable to hold back his tongue, especially when there was so much at stake for him as well, Noise broke away from his girlfriend’s grasp before storming over to Peppino. “Ergh! You can be so pathetic sometimes, Peppino; God only knows how your crybaby-ass beat me in the first place…!” Noise muttered frustratingly under his breath, before leaping up with his fist cocked back. “QUIT MOPING AROUND ALREADY, LIKE YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE GOING THROUGH SHIT!!!” Noise shouted from the top of his lungs, before catching everyone off guard as he delivered a powerful punch straight into the side of Peppino’s face; causing Madeline to stumble back and fall off the booth, while Neco-Arc was sent flying backward as well.

Outraged by what she had just seen her boyfriend do, Noisette rolled up her short-sleeves as she began storming her way over to Noise. “Theodore Noise! You’ve gone too far this time, you know that?!” The usually cheerful woman shouted disapprovingly, as she grappled her boyfriend by his yellow costume before lifting him up into the air.

Staring back with a look of anger with a trace of fear written on his face, Noise shook his head at Noisette before speaking with one finger pointing back at where Peppino was picking himself up from the ground. “No, I haven’t actually! As a matter of fact, it’s time one of us gets through to this big crybaby, because this stupid loaf doesn’t learn when he’s coddled! He NEEDS someone to knock some sense into his thick skull, which is why- WOAG?!? ” Noise suddenly yelped out in pain, the moment he was ripped out of Noisette’s gloved hands by Madeline, who then quickly delivered a powerful punch into his jaw that sent the man skidding across the checkered floor. 

“ Hurt my Uncle again, and I’ll beat your ass to a pulp! ” Madeline declared protectively, as white-sparks of light began enveloping her body, while her orange hair momentarily lit up in a glowing cyan-blue color. “I don’t care if you helped me or not; no one hurts my uncle and gets away with it!

Even though Noisette wasn’t at all happy that Peppino’s niece had struck her boyfriend down in front of her, she knew that he absolutely deserved it, and instead gave Madeline a stern look before saying “Settle down, gal-pal! We’re supposed to be working as a team, ain’t we? So let’s all start playing nice, and keep our hands to ourselves, and to whoever it is we need to scrap with.”

“Yeah, I absolutely agree; just keep that jerk away from my uncle, and we won’t have a problem! Capchie?! ” Madeline said angrily, while still seething with fury after having watched her uncle get punched while he was so emotionally vulnerable.

Before an argument could take place between the two young women, as Noisette was seconds away from drawing the line at Madeline insulting her boyfriend, Peppino cleared his throat to turn the room’s attention back on himself. Readjusting his chef’s hat, Peppino inhaled slowly as he used his fingers to fix his black hair; slowly exhaling his meditative breath, he became just as calm and collected as he was during his fight with Pizzaface.  “... Theo’s right; wallowing in-a my own self-pity is something that-a will have to-a wait until this is-a all over; so long as Pizzahead is-a running amuck in this castle, we can’t-a turn on each other. For-a all we know, us five are-a the only ones who survived whatever it is that he-a did.” Peppino explained in a serious demeanor, as he picked himself up off of the floor while Neco-Arc spun around to face him.

“ Nyaga~! We most definitely are the only ones left, Boss! At least in this castle-thingy, we are!” Neco-Arc commented, as she raised one of her balled hands up in the air while still standing by Peppino’s side. “And that’s the good news: I saw real people walking around in one of the reality marbles that I went exploring inside of! I think that, uh… W-What was his name again, nyaaa~!? Guy with the pizza for a head?” Neco-Arc asked with a slightly embarrassed tone, as she lowered her arm back down while looking up at Peppino, gesturing to him that she specifically wanted the answer from him.

“Pizzahead… His name’s-a Pizzahead. And he’s-a in possession of something-a called the “ Holy Cannoli ”, whatever the hell-a that actually is,” Peppino replied, while thinking back to everything about it that he had learned through his brief conversations with Caesar, and what Madeline had mentioned earlier. 

“P-Pizzahead?! WAIT, THAT’S HIS ACTUAL NAME?!? ” Neco-Arc asked with astoundment in her feline voice, to which made Peppino chuckle dryly as he shrugged his shoulders. 

“ Eh… No, not-a really; that’s-a just what we-a know him as. I believe his real name-a is “ Totino ”, from what I remember,” the Italian man replied, while recalling the information that Fake Peppino had given him when he had mistaken Caesar for Pizzahead. “Anyway-a… What were you about to-a say, Gattina?” Peppino asked, while trying to get the conversation back on track with what their plan was.

“ Nyaaaaa~! I like it when you call me that, Boss; it sounds so exotic~!” Neco-Arc said with a flustered voice, which made Peppino and Madeline raise a brow at her. “Any-whoozle, uh… What was I sayi- THE REALITY MARBLES!!! ” The cat-girl screamed out on the top of her lungs, the moment after she remembered what she had been talking about. “ Nyan, nyan, nyaga~! Come on! I’ll show you the one where I got that Maxim Tomato from! There’s probably something else that can help us find Pizzahead! Maybe even more fruit with letters on them!” Neco-Arc said enthusiastically, before turning around to clumsily sprint over toward the front door; flattening herself against the wall by accident, before falling back and landing hard on the ground with a big cartoon-bruise on her forehead.

Wincing as she watched the derpy cat-girl scramble up to her feet to begin shouting insults at the wall, Madeline felt a sense of adventure coursing through her as she smiled unsurely at Peppino. “I wonder what a “ reality marble ” is… I guess there’s only one way to find out, huh Uncle?” Madeline mused, before hopping off of the table to stand on the checkered tiled floor.

That’s when Peppino turned to look at her with a disapproving look on his face; the mere thought of his niece risking her life for a second time that day made him instantly tense. “Absolutely not, Madeline! I-a already almost-a lost you once today; that’s-a more than enough,” Peppino protested firmly, before pointing his finger down at the ground. “You’re-a staying right here in this-a cafe until I-a come back! U-Understood?!”

Furrowing her thick brows back at the Italian chef, Madeline shook her head back at him before speaking her mind. “I’m twenty-one years old, Uncle; I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m my own woman! I can handle making my decisions on my own,” Madeline said defensively, before softening her frown up as she averted her stare away from Peppino’s for a brief second. “B-Besides… How do you expect me to just stay here and wait, while knowing that you’re out there, risking your life and fighting against God-knows-what, all by yourself?!” Madeline asked with a sense of worry on her face, which prompted the Noise to feel the need to step-up.

“ Heh! Don’t worry kid, he ain’t going out there alone; Fatass over here will have me watching his back-folds,” Noise reassured in a joking manner, as he reached into his costume to pull his mask out from his pocket. “I got a view of the joint when I brought my gal here, while you two losers were mucking around back home. The gist I’ve gotten is that this is basically just the same layout as the Pizza Tower; albeit hell-of-a lot larger in scale,” the masked man explained, while fixing the two artificial whiskers that gave him the appearance of having an actual mustache.

Madeline then turned around to glare menacingly at the unphased gremlin, who was in the midst of getting his face powdered by his girlfriend. “You’re out of your mind if you think I’m trusting you to keep my uncle safe! For all I know, you’ll just leave him behind at the first sign of trouble,” Madeline said accusingly, which made Noise smirk smugly back at her. 

“Kid, if Fatass over here gets left behind for whatever reason, it’s because his slow ass deserves it,” Noise sassed back, before getting smacked by the makeup-brush that Noisette had been using on him. “ Ow?! Geez, babe, what was that for?!”

“Be nice to her, Theo! She’s still a kid; she can’t pick up on your sarcasm, and she’s already been through a lot already, so lay off!” Noisette lectured to her boyfriend, while making Madeline feel frustrated over the realization that everyone within the pink-walls of the coffee shop saw her as a child.

Sighing with an annoyed expression on his face, Noise resisted the urge to mock what his girlfriend had just told him, but decided against it once he thought of the possible consequences. “ Engh… Fine,” Noise said curtly, before looking back at Madeline’s upset expression with a bored look on his masked face. “Alright kid, in all seriousness… I ain’t gonna leave your uncle behind. If we truly are the only ones left who stand a chance at defeating Pizzahead, then I’d be moronic of me to lessen what little chance we’ve got going for us, by purposefully getting Peppino killed, hurt, or whatever it is that might happen to us out there in the… “ Reality marble ”…” Noise trailed off, while slumping his shoulders from just how dumb he felt saying that out loud, after he had finished saying his reassuring words to Madeline.

Scowling at Noise— judging his mannerisms, in a search for any signs of him lying to her— Madeline remained silent for a brief moment, before suddenly turning away from the four-foot tall man, to face towards where Neco-Arc was sitting absent-mindfully by the front door. “... Hey, Neco-Arc! You said you were going to show my uncle where these “ reality marbles ” were. Does that mean you’ll be going in with him, or will you just be waiting outside while he’s in there?” Madeline asked curtly, to which prompted Noise to raise a brow at her.

“... You’re really gonna take the word of that freakin’ weirdo over mine? That’s insulting, kid,” Noise quipped half-sarcastically.

“Good; it was meant to be insulting,” Madeline shot back, before hearing Noisette snickering while Noise let out a disrespected scoff.

“ Nyaga, nyan~! I’ll be joining the Boss personally, and help him with whatever he needs me to do!” Neco-Arc replied while saluting her balled-hand up above her forehead, all while sitting down on the floor. 

Satisfied with Neco-Arc’s goofy response that radiated with loyalty to her uncle, Madeline smiled snidely before looking back at Peppino; making sure to purposefully ignore the dirty look Noise was giving her, while Noisette turned around quietly to make her way back to the front counter. “Alright Uncle, I’ll stay here with Hazel while you and Theo…” Madeline trailed off, as she momentarily got distracted after saying the shared name that both Noise and her friend back home had. “Sorry… L-Like I was saying… I’ll stay here like you want me to, but I want you to remember this moment for next time.”

“... Next-a time?” Peppino asked cautiously with one lower eyelid raised, to which his orange-haired niece nodded back before speaking once more.

“Yeah, for next time… When I have to do something dangerous that you wouldn’t normally let me do on my own, or if I have to do that with someone who you might not fully trust either,” Madeline explained with a serious expression on her face; the resolution radiating from her stare alone was powerful enough to keep Noise’s mouth shut, as the short man made his way beside Peppino.

Fumbling with his words, Peppino closed his eyelids softly while furrowing his brows. “M-Madeline… I-I fully respect what-a you’re trying to-a convey here, b-but these-a circumstances we’re in… They’re-a not ones that-a allow us room to-a fail,” Peppino tried arguing, but was quickly rebutted by his niece. 

“Do you trust me?” Madeline asked immediately, which made the unprepared chef take a double take at her.

“... W-What? Err… Y-Yes, of course I do my Topolina! B-But this-a has nothing to do with-a trust.”

“I disagree, Uncle; I think everything we’re doing here is based solely on leaps of faith. Trust is all we have going for us, and apparently we all need to work on it; myself included,” Madeline admitted, as she darted her eyes down to Noise, who stared back at her with a wacky smirk. “None of us know what’s going on here; I don’t even think our “ guide ” fully understands what Pizzahead’s done to this strange place… Isn’t that right, Neco-Arc?” Madeline asked earnestly, as she gazed up from Noise, to lock eyes with the cartoonish cat-girl.

Although Neco-Arc had a very hard time with being serious, she tried her best as she tapped her balled-hands together while lowering her head softly. “ Nyaan… N-No. No, I’m not very familiar with what’s become of the Moon Cell… I’m s-sorry if I came off that way— nyaga, nyaa, ” the cat-girl replied apologetically, as her large ears folded downward in a sadden manner. 

“You don’t need to apologize for anything; if anything, I’m the one who should be sorry for not thanking you any sooner,” Madeline said with the corners of her lips curling upward softly; prompting the cat-girl to raise her head up, from where she was averting her eyes down to the floor. “You saved my life, when you had no reason to, other than that you thought it was the right thing to do. We haven’t even known you for long, and you’re so willing to help us fix this mess, even if that means putting your life on the line… So thank you, Neco-Arc; I’ll fully trust you with my Uncle’s life in your hands.”

Having never been taken seriously before, or been shown as much gratitude or recognition as the orange-haired girl had, Neco-Arc’s cat-like smile twitched a bit, as the corners of her large eyes began to well up with tears. “ Nyaaaa~! Y-You’re welcome, Madeline-Chan! And I-I promise, I’ll do my best to make sure he’s safe!” Neco-Arc said with a conviction in her silly-sounding voice, as she stood up while feeling invigorated to go out and save the world with her new allies.

Growing tired of the motivational and heartfelt discussion being had, Noise impatiently tapped his foot as he rolled his eyes. “Okay guys, enough of the wishy-washy crap; the multiverse, or whatever, ain’t gonna save itself,” Noise said sassily with a bored look still on his face, as he reached into his costume to take out a pack of cigarettes, which were quickly confiscated the moment Noisette returned from behind the front counter. 

“Theo! I’ve already told you a bunch of times to stop smoking those comically-large cigarettes; they’re bad for you!” Noisette scolded, as she tossed the pack of cigarettes behind her, before handing Madeline a pair of denim shorts, along with a green-and-yellow striped t-shirt. “Here kid, put this on after you clean yourself up in the bathroom! I can’t have you running around my cafe looking like you’re from one of those charity commercials,” Noisette said, pointing out the rough shape that Madeline’s mud-and-blood stained ripped-clothes were in.

Looking down at the outfit that reminded her of the way she usually dressed casually while at home, Madeline had a perplexed look on her smiling face as she turned her head back toward Noisette. “Thank you Hazel, but… I’ve got to ask: if this is supposed to be a coffee shop, then what’s with the clothes?” 

“Because kiddo, that’s what I’ve always sold! Outfits, music, items, tips-and-tricks, food and drinks; I’ve got em’ all! It’s a shame that your uncle never bothered to spend his money there, because that probably would have helped him back then,” Noisette replied, before taking a step toward the aforementioned Italian to hand him his own gift. “This one’s on the house, Mr. Spaghetti! Figured if you’re gonna go on some sort of fancy adventure, you might as well look the part,” Noisette said with a wide smile on her face, as she watched the chef stare down at the clean white tank-top and chef’s hat in his hand.

“Thank you-a very much, Noisette… Maybe I should have-a given your coffee shop a chance-a, back when you had it in the Pizza Tower,” Peppino said with a small smile forming across his lips, as he slipped his white-tank top on, before replacing his damaged chef’s hat with the brand-new one. Feeling anxious about possibly following Neco-Arc to their doom, but knowing what was on the line, Peppino turned slowly around to face Madeline once again with a few beads of sweat on his forehead. “H-How does it-a look, Topolina?”

Smirking with a half-cocked grin, Madeline leaned forward to adjust the brim of his chef’s hat before raising her hand up to give him a thumbs up. “Looks like you’re ready to kick some ass, Uncle!” Madeline cheered, as she gave Peppino a playful punch to the shoulder while motivating him with her smile alone.

Feeling more confident and sure of himself than he usually ever was, Peppino flashed Madeline a genuine smirk of content before turning around and playfully smacking Noise in the back of the head. “Ow! Ya fatass…! What was that for?!” Noise grumbled with a murderous look in his eye, while Peppino continued to march toward the front door with Neco-Arc following behind him with an eagerness to her step.

“Quit-a your bitching, Noise; we’ve got-a lot of work to do,” Peppino sassed back, while hearing Madeline snickering as she watched Noise visibly fuming underneath his mask; cartoonish steam blowing out of his covered ears, as he begrudgingly began catching up with the Italian chef.

“S-Shuddap, Italian Man! I don’t need your broke-ass critiquing my work-ethic!” Noise snapped, while beginning to calm down as the three of them began exiting out of Noisette’s cafe, one-by-one. “You’re lucky your niece ain’t coming with us; it’ll spare her the embarrassment of having to see your slow-ass trying to catch up with me,” Noise chuckled, as he walked alongside Peppino while Neco-Arc came up from behind to begin guiding them from the front.

“ Nyaga~! Keep talking that trash, and you’ll have a hard time outrunning us when I smash your kneecaps in, Noise!” Neco-Arc threatened on behalf of her new “ boss ”, while hopping up-and-down ecstatically as she led the two out of the hidden alley, and back into the main halls of the Pizza Castle.

Paying little mind to the back-and-forth bickering between Neco-Arc and Noise, Peppino found himself taking in the sights of the Pizza Castle’s motherboard-like structure; it’s stark-white divots and elongated trenches reminded the Italian chef more-or-less of what he saw inside the arcade cabinets that he had purchased a while ago for his pizzeria. ‘ These halls are so spacious, and there’s so many gateways… I wonder how many of them lead to the same place? To these… Reality Marbles? ’ Peppino wondered to himself, while beginning to find himself once again thinking back to the world he had left behind.

‘ ... There’s a lot riding on this journey; this goes beyond saving a failing business, that’s for sure. Everyone’s counting on me to stop Pizzahead, and return everything back to what it was. I’ve failed a lot before, but… This time, I can’t fail; no matter what! ’ Peppino told himself, as he found himself using his anxiety of what could go wrong to motivate him, as he and his party approached a thirty-foot tall archway that was made of the same computer-like material as the rest of the castle.

“ Nyaga~! Here we are, Boss: the reality marble where I found that tomato!” Neco-Arc said, as she pointed her ball-hand toward the portal that acted as a window to the other world that awaited for the three of them. 

Looking past where Neco-Arc was bouncing up-and-down in front of the active archway, Peppino and Noise could see a city skyline behind the top of a skyscraper that looked more tame than either of them were expecting. “... So, what? Is that supposed to be Manhattan, or something? Because it looks just like Manhattan to me,” Noise pointed out, before adding “I’ve got to be honest here, Italian Man: I was expecting something more “ pizza-esque ” from that bow-tie wearing weirdo. I mean, other than the possibility of us running into a New York-style pizza, I just don’t get the gimmick here.”

“Maybe-a there’s no gimmick, Noise; maybe he just hasn’t gotten-a around to it yet,” Peppino suggested, as he shook his head before adjusting the top of his chef’s hat. “That-a doesn’t matter much to-a me. What’s-a important is that we find-a way to go about stopping-a Pizzahead… Keep an eye out for-a anything that resembles “ Pillar John ”,” Peppino said to Noise, before lowering his gaze down at the exciting look that Neco-Arc was giving him.

“Alrighty, Gattina, I’m-a putting my-a full trust into you now, you-a hear? We can’t-a do this without you, so don’t-a let us down!” Peppino pressured, which made a comically-large sweat drop appear on the side of Neco-Arc’s face.

“ N-Nyaa…! D-Don’t worry Boss, I’ll try not to disappoint you!” The cartoon cat-girl said nervously, before being given a nod of approval from the Italian chef himself.

“Good! Now then… Let’s-a go, ” Peppino said with a determined voice, as reached down to grab Neco-Arc by her head before pulling her in with him, as he leapt through the gateway leading them into their first reality marble.

Seething with rage, Noise was gritting his teeth with a murderous look in his red eyes, and let out a feral snarl as he dove into the archway after his rival. “I thought we were supposed to be a team, ASSHOLE!!! Don’t ever leave me behind ag- NAAAAOAIYAO?!? ” Noise shouted angrily, before beginning to scream in fear alongside Peppino and Neco-Arc, as the three of them began free falling over thirty-three thousand feet toward the vast metropolitan area down below. . 

Chapter Text

Falling through the air with his front side facing toward the hundreds of skyscraper-roofs down below, Peppino could feel Neco-Arc’s ball-like hands clutching onto his ears for dear life, as she let out goofy cat-like screams of terror; all while straddling the back of his neck with her short legs. “W-WHY DIDN’T YOU-A TELL US THAT THE-A GATEWAY WOULD DROP US OFF FROM-A THE STRATOSPHERE?!?” Peppino screamed out from the top of his lungs, as tears began falling upward from the corners of his bulging eyes.

“I DIDN’T REMEMBER THIS PART, NYYAAAAAAHHHH!!! ” Neco-Arc screeched back, while her small body was violently thrashing against the wind resistance, causing her head to move back-and-forth, as the two of them descended toward the Earth at their combined terminal velocity. “ FLAP YOUR ARMS, BOSS!!! FLAP THEM LIKE YOU’RE BIRD!!!”

“W-WHAT?!? ” Peppino shouted back with a mixture of fear and confusion in his voice, as he turned his head over his shoulder to look back at the terrified cat-girl on the nape of his neck. “ T-THAT WON’T-A HELP!!!”

“ NYAAAA!!! YEAH IT WILL!!! LOOK, I’LL SHOW YO -UAAAAAAAAAAAAA!?! ” Neco-Arc cried out, while beginning to panic the moment the air resistance caused her body to go flying backwards, after having let go of Peppino in order to demonstrate the effectiveness of flapping one’s arms out like a bird.

“ Oh, Santa Maria…! HOLD ON, GATTINA; I’MMA COMING!!! ” Peppino called out, as he stuck his arms out before flipping his entire body around until his back was facing downward toward the city. Using his keen eye, Peppino was able to locate Neco-Arc’s flailing body high above him; just below where Noise was trying to put his arms through the straps of his jetpack. “ THEO!!!”

“Y-YEAH, YEAH!!! GIVE ME A MINUTE, WILL YA?!? ” Noise shouted back as loudly as he could, while gritting his teeth as he quickly tightened the straps around his shoulders. “ Come on ya piece of junk; work, damnit…! G-GOT IT!!! ” Noise shouted back triumphantly, as he stuck his arms out like a comic book superhero before the thrusters of his jetpack propelled him to where Neco-Arc was screaming like a feral cat. “ H-HOLD STILL YA FREAKIN’- NAAAAOAIYAO!?! ” 

Without really thinking about what she was doing, Neco-Arc’s panicked state made her start attacking the man who was trying to help her. Too feral to think clearly, the cat-girl latched herself onto the short man’s jetpack to begin smashing it to pieces with her mighty fists; while of course occasionally missing and punching Noise in the back of the head in the process. “ BURANYUUUU~!!! ” Neco-Arc screamed at the top of her lungs, as she pulled out the main fuel-line within the jetpack; causing the jetpack to explode, and sending the two of them spiraling downward at a speed faster than their terminal velocity.

“STUPID-FREAKIN’ CAT; YOU’RE GONNA KILL US!!!” Noise screamed out with his last nerve struck, as he quickly flipped around to begin attacking Neco-Arc, who in turn had no qualms about striking the man back in self-defense.

Face-palming at the sight of seeing the two feral gremlins trying to beat the crap out of one another, Peppino took in a deep breath before repositioning himself in mid-air by flattening his arms and legs, so that he could fall faster toward where they were spiraling out of control. Fighting against the wind that was making him shed tears, Peppino’s cheeks were flapping along with the top of his chef’s hat, as he reached his arms out as he got closer to the fighting duo. “THAT’S-A ENOUGH OUT OF-A BOTH OF YOU!!!” Peppino screamed loudly with a frustrated tone, as he grabbed both Noise and Neco-Arc by their throats; causing them to freeze up and let out a comedic squeak, as he pulled them apart from one another. 

Knowing that his options were limited, Peppino’s eyes darted back-and-forth from rooftop-to-rooftop, as he tried to think of a way to land as painlessly as possible. Figuring that he had nothing left to lose, Peppino began flapping his arms as quickly as he could; hoping that the combined air-resistance of Noise and Neco-Arc would somehow be enough to glide to safety. Unfortunately, that idea worked for only approximately twelve seconds before the trio suddenly were pushed by a gust of wind, and were launched straight into the side of the skyscraper that they saw through the portal before entering the reality marble to begin with.

Kicking up a cartoonish dust cloud as they tumbled through the solid wall of the skyscraper, the trio’s arms and legs were flailing around as they tumbled and rolled through all the cubicle spaces that were unfortunate enough to be in the way of their crash landing. Breaking through offices and walls, eventually the trio came to a skidding stop once they reached a small employee lounging area that seemed very corporate in the way it had beige colored furniture, and sleek appliances. 

Finally letting go of their necks, Peppino picked himself up from the pile of debris on the tiled floor with a dazed look on his mustached face. “ S-Spaghetti…! Guwah…! ” Peppino uttered out in a discombobulated and cartoonish fashion, as he stumbled around the office break room feeling dizzy. 

Covered in comedical bruises and scratches, Noise let out a low groan as he picked himself up off of the floor. “ Stupid-dumbass cat… I shoulda let you use one of them nine lives you’ve got, ” Noise grumbled, as he used his gloved hands to brush the dirt off of him, before finally getting a look around at his surroundings. “Hey, would ya look at that?! Good work Italian Man, you’ve taken us somewhere that wasn’t crappy for a change!” Noise mused somewhat sarcastically, as he walked over the pile of debris where Neco-Arc was buried, to make his way over to one of the two higher-end vending machines that were beside the steel-plated fridge. “Want a drink, Peps? I’m buying.”

Beginning to find his composure and balance once more, Peppino was holding onto the ledge of the counter near where Noise was standing when he looked over at the glowing-red Coke vending machine in question. “We didn’t-a come here for a soda, but… Do they have-a Diet Coke? Those-a are the only ones I sort of-a like,” Peppino requested, while watching as Noise reached into his costume to pull out his large wallet.

“Feast ya eyes on this fat-wad, Pizza-Man; this is probably gonna be the most money you’ll ever see in your minimum-wage-having life!” Noise boasted smugly, as he watched Peppino’s eyes widen with his face beginning to reddened with anger, as the billionaire casually fanned out the money that he considered to be less than pocket change. Feeling better after having gloated about his personal wealth to someone who had just barely been able to begin staying afloat with his expenses, Noise grinned as he pulled out a five-dollar bill. 

“Heh, heh-ha… Wait… Wait, what the Hell? Where do I even put this goddamn- WHAT!?!” Noise screamed in fury and confusion, as he leapt up with his eye cartoonishly bulging out of his sockets. “OH COME ON?!? “PIZZA POINTS”?!? HIS DUMBASS BROUGHT THOSE STUPID THINGS BACK?!?” Noise shouted in frustration, as he began seething at the display reader just above the electronic card reader. 

Having just plucked Neco-Arc out of the pile of rubble, as though she were a carrot, Peppino turned his attention back to Noise, who was furiously trying to scan his credit card against the electronic card-reader. “... What-a are you even talking about?” Peppino asked with an annoyed tone, as he sat Neco-Arc down on the tiled floor, before making his way over beside Noise.

“Pizza-Points, Peppino! Apparently that’s the only tender that this stupid-machine takes!” Noise said complainingly, before taking out his frustrations by delivering a swift kick to the machine that resulted in him immediately stubbing his toe. “ AUGH!!! P-Pizza Points were an idea that Pizzahead thought of implementing through the Pizza Tower, before your fatass showed up! He wanted to jump on that “ crypto-currency ” trend, but never got around to freakin’ doing it, ngh! ” Noise explained with his face turning red with anger, while hopping up-and-down on one foot as he nursed his stubbed toe. 

Rubbing his chin with a snide smile forming on his face, Peppino chuckled as he watched Noise lower his foot back down on the floor. “ Heh! So what you’re-a saying is that all that cash you just-a flaunted is essentially-a worthless here~?” Peppino asked rhetorically, and felt satisfaction in the way his rival was glaring back at him with a pissed off look on his masked face. “So what-a I’m getting here is that you’re-a just as broke as me now, eh Theo? My, my; how-a the mighty have fallen~!”

“SHUT IT, FATASS!!! Just because I don’t have any of Pizzahead’s bullcrap currency, doesn’t mean I’ve lost my touch on how to make money! YOU , on the other hand, SUCK at making money, so HA!!! ” Noise insulted back with a mean-spirited smile forming on his face, as he watched Peppino’s smug-confidence transform into red-faced anger within a split second. “Enjoy being poor across space and time, NERD!!! This is only a temporary setback for m- EEEAHHH!?! ”

“SHUT-A YOUR MOUTH, YOU-A RAT-BASTARD!!!” Peppino screamed in a fit of unbridled rage, before he and Noise began duking it out; kicking up a cloud of dust that obscured their fighting, while Neco-Arc casually walked around them before making her way to the employee refrigerator. 

“ Buranyuu~! Who needs money, when you’ve got leftovers~?” The cat-girl mused aloud, as she began raiding the cold-shelves of the fridge; stuffing her mouth with stolen food and drinks, while Peppino and Noise were continuing to battle one another for ten minutes straight. By the time the two rivals had finally stopped beating on one another, Neco-Arc was laying down with her back against the closed refrigerator; her hands rubbing her own extended belly, as she purred to herself while feeling satisfied. 

“Alright Italian Man… Hear me out,” Noise said, while covered in even more scratches and bruises than before, as he sat down at one of the three bar tables that were placed within the lounging area. “I know we’ve said it before, but I REALLY starting to think that us fighting ain’t gonna get us anywhere. So, uhhh… How’s about a genuine truce? Just until we saved the multiverse, or whatever,” Noise suggested, while looking over at the Italian chef, who was slumped against the cushions of the couch he had taken refuge on. 

“Yeah… Sure; let’s-a just do that instead,” Peppino said agreeingly, while taking a moment to breathe before getting up off of the couch. Popping his neck with one hand, Peppino let out a gruff sigh as his eyes turned their attention over to Neco-Arc, who had managed to find the remote-control to the flatscreen television mounted on the stark-white wall of the lounge area. “Gattina, this isn’t-a the time to be watching your shows! We’ve-a got work to do here,” Peppino scolded, as he began making way over to take the controller away from the cat-girl.

But that’s when Noise suddenly got an idea that he found to be brilliant. “Now hold up there, Tubb- ergh , P-Peppino,” Noise interrupted, as he hopped off his bar chair before putting himself between the Italian chef, and the easily-distracted cat-girl. “Don’t touch that dial just yet! Let’s see what’s on the local news channel; there might be something that’ll help guide us in the right direction!”

Although he had to admit that Noise’s idea was genuinely useful, the fact remained that Neco-Arc wasn’t watching anything resourceful, but instead was using the remote controller to watch a cartoon that Peppino hadn’t heard of since he was in his late teenage years. “Is that-a…? “ Cowboy Bebop ”…?” Peppino asked with a surreal feeling emanating from his chest, as he walked around where Noise stood to get beside where Neco-Arc was still sitting on the ground. 

“Uh-huh! I haven’t seen this episode yet; it must be new, or something,” Neco-Arc replied quickly, while giving most of her attention to the animated show playing in front of her. Normally Peppino wouldn’t have thought much about the animated cat-girl’s answer, but it was that the middle-aged man suddenly had an intriguing thought pop inside of his head. 

“... Gattina… Can I ask-a you a strange question?” Peppino asked cautiously.

“Yeah, uh-huh! Sure, what is it?” Neco-Arc replied back casually, as her tail began to waggle the moment she saw the main protagonist appear on screen.

“... What year do you think it is?” Peppino asked, while earning himself a perplexed stare from Noise.

“ Nyagaaaaa~... It’s nineteen ninety-nine, ain’t it?” Neco-Arc replied without giving her answer much thought.

Stunned by her answer, Peppino turned to look at Noise with a surprised look on his face; expecting for his rival to be in as much awe as he was. Noise, on the other hand, only gave Peppino an unamused stare back, before quietly replying “Italian Man, I’m pretty sure that any concept of time went out the window the moment you and I stepped foot into that gnarly-white castle. The sooner you accept that we’re living in Pizzahead’s screwed-up world that doesn’t play by any rules other than his made-up ones, then the better it’ll be for your noggin.”

Already having been feeling himself getting a headache while having tried to comprehend the wild impossibilities laid out before him, Peppino groaned as he nodded his head agreeingly. “Yeah… Yeah, that’s-a probably for the best, isn’t it?” The Italian chef mused, while whispering a quiet apology to Neco-Arc before taking the remote controller away from her balled-hands.

Kicking her legs up-and-down against the floor, Neco-Arc was throwing a tantrum while Peppino began scrolling through the channels on the television. Kneeling down to politely shush Neco-Arc’s frustrated cries while petting the top of her head, Peppino was able to quiet the cat-girl down as both he and Noise began paying attention to the news broadcast that they had tuned into the middle of; an event that took place somewhere called “ New Pork City ”.

“And there were no survivors… And to those of you who are just running in, this is April O’Neil with Channel Six news. Today marks the second day since we’ve experienced what scientists and some weirdo with a clay medallion are referring to as “ The Dimensional Merge ”. For those of you who’ve been trying to make sense of this chaos, basically what you need to know is that according to what we’ve gathered from the cosmologists that we’ve been able to locate in “ New Donk City ”, essentially there was a cataclysmic event within the “ Outerverse ” that not only completely obliterated every single world within the “ Multiverse ”, but completely reshaped it into separate “ Hyperverses ”; like this one, which was created with “ Pre-Existing Resources ”...”

“... To those who aren’t familiar with theoretical physics and pseudo science applied to astrology, just think of it like we’re in a crossover episode of your favorite sitcom! Except instead of wacky hijinks, all of us are self-aware of our circumstances and are just trying to make the best of our situation,” April O’Neil said with a solemn look on her face, before moving on to the next story that involved warming the public about a gang who were calling themselves the “ Phantom Thieves ”. 

Turning the television off just as the screen showed a captured picture of the gang’s half-masked leader, Peppino exchanged perplexed looks with Noise; both men unaware of the fact that Neco-Arc had swiped the controller back, and was watching her favorite 90’s anime on low volume. “Seems as though everyone-a else is more-or-less-a confused about what’s going on. So-a much for getting a lead that way, eh?”

“Workin’ in show biz myself, I’ve learned that most journalists either bullcrap their way into their next new hit, or simply go along with what’s popular for the sake of keepin’ up the status quo… Or at least that’s what the popular ones do,” Noise mused with a thoughtful look in his goofy eyes, as he rubbed the bottom of his chin with one gloved hand. “So let’s not jump to conclusions just yet, Italian Man; I say let’s start with our only somewhat reliable lead… Hey Cat, you said you got that Maxim Tomato from this place, yeah?”

Keeping her eyes focused on the television screen, Neco-Arc replied in a casual voice “ Nyaaaan~! I didn’t get the tomato from this office building, stupid; I got it from a restaurant.” Completely unmotivated to move from her spot, it wasn’t until Noise decided to take the remote from her before chucking it straight into the flatscreen did Neco-Arc finally get up from her spot; a saddened look was on her droopy face, as she looked away the scattered remains of her only source of entertainment. “ Tch… Now why’d you go and do that…?!”

“Because unfortunately, we genuinely need your help, and we ain’t gonna get that help from you with you sitting on your ass all day watching them Chinese-cartoons!” Noise shot back passive aggressively; earning himself a narrowed-eye scowl from the growling cat-girl, who felt personally attacked by the man’s blatant disregard for her culture.

And before Noise could further aggravate the cat-girl by squinting his eyelids and pulling on outer corners of them to insult her ethnicity, Peppino stepped in as to be the voice of reasoning. “Please-a Gattina, we-a need to get to the bottom of this, and we-a can’t do it without you,” Peppino said with a pleading tone; one that tugged at Neco-Arc’s zany heartstrings. 

After saying a quiet prayer to the fallen flatscreen, Neco-Arc proceeded to lead both Peppino and Noise down to the bottom of the skyscraper by using the elevator cart to descend down its ninety floors. Once they were in the unoccupied lobby, the cat-girl had the two men follow her out into the streets of New Donk City. The hustling-bustling city life was making Peppino uneasy with the sheer amount of equally anxious and confused looking pedestrians walking up-and-down the sidewalk they were on, while Noise didn’t pay much attention to the claustrophobic-inducing crowd they were practically swimming through.

While Neco-Arc was doing her best to have them follow her through the thick crowds of people, Noise lamented to Peppino about how much the city reminded him of his parent’s home in downtown San Diego; the short man reminiscing about how beautiful the lit-up buildings were at night, while Peppino was sweating bullets as he kept bumping into people along the way. Thankfully for the Italian chef’s nervous tendencies, the distance from the abandoned “ city hall ” skyscraper they had been in to the restaurant in question wasn’t far from one another, and soon the trio were walking down a quiet and spacious alleyway.

Passing by a dumpster that had a deep dent in its front, Peppino noticed the short cat-girl shaped-hole inside the asphalt road near it. ‘ That’s probably where she landed in the first place… A hard landing like that must have been rough on her noggin, I think her head is what dented the dumpster; that’s probably why she wasn’t able to remember going through the gateway in the first place, ’ Peppino thought sympathetically about Neco-Arc, as the thought of seeing her injured and alone silently upset him.

“ Buranyuu~! Here we are, boys: “ Shiitake Kitchen ”!” Neco-Arc announced in a cheerful tone, as she posed in front of the slightly ran-down entrance of the back alley restaurant; the above-door sign appearing poorly made, and made out of cardboard and cut-out letters.

Raising an eyebrow at what they had gone out of their way to see, Peppino was feeling slightly disheartened by the unimpressive entrance way, but tried to keep an open mind as he mentally prepared himself to walk into whatever was awaiting for him inside. “This-a reminds me of that “ Bruno’s Pizzeria ”, where-a I fought Fake Peppino for the first time,” Peppino muttered to Noise, as he walked up the brick steps of the restaurant’s front porch, before opening the door and walking inside a quaint Japanese dining area.

Upon walking inside the unoccupied restaurant, which was surprisingly far cleaner than its outside appearance, Peppino’s sense of smell was assaulted by the odor of burnt noodles that was thick in the air. “ Santa Maria…?! I-a thought you-a said this was a restaurant, Gattina…?! Not a compost-site…!” Peppino uttered in disgust, as he pinched his long nose with his finger and thumb, while Noise was having a thrashing around on the hardwood floor; overwhelmed from how vile the smell of overcooked Italian food was to him.

Unlike the two other men, Neco-Arc found the smell to be appealing, and had her eyelids softly closed while she took a deep breath in through her nose. “ Kuruuu~! I smell “ Boat Noodles ”~!” The cat-girl purred out with a hungry tone in her voice, as her entire small body began levitating before being pulled in slowly toward the direction of where the smell was coming from. 

Walking back to the front entrance to prop the front door open, Peppino turned around while completely ignoring where Nosie was pretending to be dead on the floor, and watched anxiously as Neco-Arc’s body pushed through the back-end door that looked like it led into the kitchen. Moments later, Peppino jumped in the air as he heard the sound of cat-yowls and screeching coming from the kitchen, followed by a goofy voice yelling incoherent words.

“GOSH-DARN THIEVING CAT!!! I THOUGHT I MADE IT CLEAR THAT YOU WEREN’T ALLOWED BACK INSIDE, YOU SCOUNDREL!!! ” A tall, egg-shaped being dressed in chef’s attire shouted in an anxious and frustrated voice, as he chased Neco-Arc out of the kitchen while swinging an oversized ladle at the cat-girl. “ THIS OUTTA TEACH YOU SOME MANNERS!!!” The orange-skinned being shouted, as he suddenly manifested a ceramic bowl from thin air, before throwing it at Neco-Arc sideways like a frisbee; hitting her square in the back of the dome, and causing her to tumble forward into the dining area.

Even though Peppino had seen his fair share of interesting life-forms within the many universes held within the Pizza Tower, the large maroon-colored shoes that were connected to the bottom of the blob-like being before him was unsettling for him to say the least; especially considering that it had no neck, no fingers, legs, and had on only a large white-apron to cover its large-oval body. The look at the strange chef gave him when he saw Neco-Arc scrambling behind him made a chill go down Peppino’s spine, especially when the orange blob’s cartoonish black eyes began narrowing at him.

“... Hey Chef! Does that strange little character belong to you?” The orange blob with a chef’s hat asked in an accusatory voice, to which made Peppino sweat nervously as he thought about what to say.

“ Uh…?! S-She’s with me, yes; so I’d appreciate it very-a much if you could stop trying to hurt her, “ Chef ”,” Peppino said with a resolute voice, as he prepared himself to engage in combat with the strange being in front of him.

Frowning slightly with his hairless brows furrowed, the orange blob shook his head disapprovingly at Peppino before saying “I wouldn’t need to run that little critter out of my kitchen, if you were a responsible pet owner who leashed their cat…!” The blob scolded passive-defensively; giving Peppino a stern look, before slowly softening his expression into a solemn smile. “I’m not usually like this… I apologize for my behavior, Chef; I’m still trying to get used to this crazy place. I can’t tell ya just how topsy-turvy this experience’s been for me!” The orange blob whined with a cartoonishly teary-eyed expression forming on his goofy face. “First your silly cat broke into my new restaurant, and stole the only Maxim Tomato that came with this place! And now, I burnt my boiling water and my noodles are oodles of B-BOODLES!!! ”

And that’s all it took before the orange blob began comedically sobbing to himself, throwing a tantrum on the ground, while dropping his large ladle while kicking his large maroon-colored shoes back-and-forth, as he pounded his stubby arms against the floor. Feeling uncomfortable about seeing whatever species that the orange chef was crying like a fussy man-toddler, Peppino was anxiously thinking about what else to say when all of a sudden he felt Noise climbing up his back. “Theo…?! What the-a Hell are you doing…?!” Peppino asked in a hushed voice, as he looked over his shoulder to stare annoyingly at the sly looking man.

Leaning his lips closer toward Peppin’s ear, Noise quietly whispered “ Let’s skip the hoopla, and just beat the crybaby out of him until he starts talking; no point in doing whatever stupid sidequest this clown’s probably gonna want us to do… ”

While it didn’t come off as a surprise that Noise simply wanted to resort to violence instead of taking the time to talk to the blubbering mess before them, the thought of kicking a chef who was already down on his luck didn’t sit too well with Peppino. Shrugging his shoulder, Peppino shook Noise off his back before gathering up what little charisma he had in him. Approaching the sobbing chef, Peppino awkwardly knelt down beside the orange blob before clearing his throat to announce his presence to him.

“ Uh… Hey-a big guy. Chef-to-chef , man-to… Man…? I-I think I know what-a you’re going through,” Peppino said, while feeling iffy about whether or not the orange-blob laying down in front of him was even a man to begin with, or something else completely.

Sniffling as he raised his head up to meet Peppino’s uneasy smile, the orange-skinned chef wiped his eyes with one stubby arm before uttering out “Y-Ya do..? H-How so…?” 

“Correct me if I’m-a wrong, but you’re not-a from this place, are you? Or even-a from a city, I’m-a guessing,” Peppino mused, to which earned him a sadden nod from the orange blob.

“Y-Yeah… This kind of change in environment would have already been too much for me to handle as is, but the fact that I-I saw my entire home invaded and a bunch of goons, and then that guy with the butterfly wings…! I-It’s too much; it’s just too much, and I’m out here trying my best to survive, C-Chef…!”

Seeing the orange blob beginning to once again sob violently in a way that most would have considered to be pathetic, Peppino kept his composure the best he could and simply patted the other chef on the back; calming him down before once again consoling him. “You and I both, Chef; that “ Subspace Army ” did that to-a my home too. I was-a fortunate enough to save my-a niece, and my-a “ friend ” “ Noise ” over there saved his girlfriend and himself, before our-a universe was absorbed… What-a about you? How-a did you end up here?”

Once the orange-blob was able to regain his composure, he began to tell Peppino the story of how the planet “ Pop Star ” was absorbed into Subspace. Much like how the day began for Peppino, nothing out of the ordinary happened for the residents of “ Dream Land ”; which was saying something, considering how chaotic the orange-blob’s rural home “ Cappy Town ” was, thanks to one particular pink individual who had taken up residence there.

What was looking to be a regular day of serving up the residents of Cappy Town his improved recipes took a turn for the worst, when a massive rip through their veil of reality tore open; unleashing an army of primids. Unlike what happened in Peppino’s universe, the orange-skinned blob talked about how their world’s heroes, “ Kirby ” and “ Metaknight ”, along with Dream Land’s ruler, “ King Dedede ”, were able to successfully fight off the waves of invaders; the blue penguin’s army was more armed and combat ready than the Subspace Army’s foot soldiers were, and nothing within Pizzahead’s newly acquired force could stand up against the might of Pop Star’s strongest heroes. 

In the face of certain triumphant-victory, it was then that one of their universe’s most feared forces was sent through another portal that Pizzahead had created from the sky above. Flying in on the blackened wings of a butterfly, “ Morpho Knight EX ” was Pizzahead’s ace-in-the-hole; the amalgamation of red butterflies from the afterlife itself were sent in with “ Galacta Knight ” as their host. That’s when the orange-blob— who let slip his name as being “ Chef Kawasaki ”— told Peppino about the “ Day of Judgement ” that had been prophesied, and about how “ the Dreaming Bird of Sukhavati ” came flying in from another dimension, to cast judgment down on them all with their crimson blade.

All Chef Kawasaki could remember from watching the battle unfold from the false-safety of his restaurant was seeing the fire from “ Hades ” erupt from Morpho Knight EX’s sword, as the apocalyptic black-ball of doom pierced the veil of their reality in one swipe. Although it was hard at first for Chef Kawasaki to articulate the supernatural phenomena that happened to him before he was caught in Morpho Knight EX’s hellfire blast, the orange-blob described feeling the entire world become disoriented; as if his universe’s gravity had become nullified. The final image that Chef Kawasaki could remember before “ dying ” was seeing his town and Dream Land as a whole become instantly disintegrated; leaving behind a vast open abyss of swirling galactic-colors that Peppino knew to be of Subspace.

By the end of retelling his account of what happened to his world, after having listened to Peppino’s account of his own universe’s doomsday, Chef Kawasaki was feeling far less stressed. No longer bearing the burden of being alone in a new world where everyone was just as confused and afraid as he was, just having someone who was friendly in his presence was enough to make the orange-skinned native of Dream Land beginning to feel more like his usual self. “And then I woke up upstairs, with some boxes filled with a few of my belongings, and a few trinkets and items from Dream Land,” Chef Kawasaki explained, before complaining about how he had already gone through his pizza points by trying to buy ingredients that he wasn’t used to working with.

“Trust-a me, I know a thing or two about-a the woes of financial despair-a,” Peppino said half-jokingly, as both he and Chef Kawasaki sat down across from one another, at one of the many empty booths in the dining area. Due to both chefs having been deprived of being having a good conversation with someone else who knew about cuisine, Peppino and Chef Kawasaki began sharing advice to one another about their favorite cooking techniques; sharing recipes that were native to their culture, as Noise and Neco-Arc were preoccupied with their own time-killing endeavors. 

While Neco-Arc was inside watching her favorite 90’s anime within the dining area, Noise was standing outside on the porch with a cigarette held between his long lips. Taking a look up at the starless sky above— the city’s light pollution obscuring the glimmer of the celestial bodies— Noise found himself smiling as he raised his lighter up to ignite the tip of his cigarette; memories of his younger adult days coming to his mind, as he slowly inhaled the nicotine smoke into his lungs.

Closing his eyelids shut softly, Noise was reminiscing about the day he had walked into Noisette’s first cafe, back when she was just a struggling business owner who came from a family of French immigrants, while he was a miserable med student who was drawn to the bright colors and whimsical theme of her strange coffee shop. Just as the usually bombastic and crazed acting man was finally able to let down his guard, Noise was snapped out of his nostalgic memories when he heard the sound of engines revving loudly, before the sounds of many tires squealing in the nearby distance caught his full attention.

Narrowing his eyelids while taking out his cigarette to snuff its flame out with the bottom of his shoe, Noise blew out what warm smoke he had left within his lungs as he saw a young slim Japanese man with black hair, a white half-mask and a dark trench coat sprinting from around the corner of the alley; a pistol held tightly in his red gloved hand, as he shot behind him while running away from the armada of motorized-robotic enemies that were pursuing him with their one massive wheel.

“ What’s going on…? ” Noise wondered to himself, as he reached into his pocket to begin rummaging for the right sort of tool that would solve whatever problem would arise from the scene playing out before him. Noise was considering just letting the young man fend for himself, despite appearing fatigued and lightly injured, but it was then that the yellow-costumed man noticed the same emblem on the red chassis of one of the “ Roaders ” who were being shot at by the mysterious man’s handgun.

‘ It’s those Subspace bastards again! Damn it all; I can’t allow them to know that we’re here! If one of those assholes gets back to whoever Pizzahead assigned them to be their commanding officer, then whatever leisure we’ve got here is done for! ’ Noise thought to himself, as he remembered back when his assigned Pizzard alerted him of Peppino’s presence; after the Italian Man had struck Pepperman down.

Not wanting to get involved just yet, Noise laid low and watched as the black-trench coat wearing man unveiled a black dagger from his waist before beginning to duel-wield as he hoped from wall-to-wall; dodging the roaders, while putting them down one-by-one, until their numbers began dwindling to zero. Thinking that he wouldn’t have to get involved after all, Noise was about to slip back inside when all of a sudden he saw a portal from Subspace open up in front of the dark-haired man, just as he slashed apart the final roader with the agile-skill of a veteran assassin.

Instead of anything physical coming out of the Subspace portal, a red light instead flashed out of its opening, before the rift into the outerverse vanished without a trace. Feeling confused, Noise could tell from how on-guard and alert the black-clothed man was that he too was just as lost as he was. Thinking that the portal had failed, it was then that Noise and the mysterious man both noticed the glowing red-silhouettes that were appearing from the ground-up, leaving behind humanoid-looking robots with triangular red markings on where their faces should have been located.

The “ Soldiers ”, with their lank yet top-heavy bodies had sharp shoulders as well as sharp prongs serving as their arms, and were being loaded up into the alleyway one-by-one, until they had the mysterious man completely surrounded. Unlike the short and somewhat intimidating primids, the soldiers appeared durable and came equipped with their own arsenal. As the mysterious man took aim at the closest soldier before him, the roof tops began to glow crimson as more robotic enemies were summoned to combat the young man below. 

Unlike the soldiers, the tall robots had less armor, and appeared feminine in the way that their bodies were shaped like hourglasses. The “ Ninjas ” bodies were composed of a black-metal alloy with red lights, and were sporting sharp forms with a triangular eye screen, similar to the soldiers below. With wide shoulders and hips, a narrow waist, thick thighs and long pointy feet with no feet, the ninjas had sharp upper-appendages similar to the soldier, but unlike the soldiers, their arms were floating apart from their bodies; just like how they themselves were levitating in the air.

Hearing the young man muttering an incoherent and stress-filled swear from where he was hiding, Noise watched as the mysterious man struck a pose before moments later a blue flame ignited behind him. Having appeared out of thin air, there was a lanky bipedal humanoid figure floating behind the mysterious man, being dressed in red crotchless trousers that were attached to his dress shoes, a matching blazer that they wore over a black formal vest that was similar to what their wielder had on himself. Unveiling its black angel wings, the mysterious ghost-like spirit adjusted its tall top-hat that it wore over its ominous red eyes and elongated and forward-pointing horns, before immediately flying forward to attack alongside their master.

Unlike the primids, the sleek robots had reactions time necessary to keep up with their target; the soldiers were able to deploy their red-translucent shields from their triangular faces in time to parry the mysterious man and his spirit’s attacks, while the ninjas were able to get a few hits in themselves while using their levitation and agility to dodge most of the incoming attacks. Being a witness to how quickly the tides of battle had changed, Noise knew right then and there that the young man was a goner; from being already exhausted since the moment he saw him sprinting down the alleyway, the thirty robots with their impossibly high-tech arsenal were only minutes away from landing a killing blow on the man.

‘ Eh, sucks to be him, ’ Noise thought cynically to himself, as he turned around to slide back into the restaurant, where he would try to make up an excuse to prevent anyone inside from investigating the violence outside. However, be it an act of karma or divine intervention, both Peppino and Neco-Arc slammed the door against Noise; flattening him like a pancake against the wall, as the two of them hopped into the thick of it. 

“WHAT THE FIOCCHI IS THIS?!?” Peppino screamed out with a confused and angry tone; his entire body enveloped in an aura of white-light, as Neco-Arc propelled herself forward with smoke blowing out of the bottoms of her shoes, as though she were a rocket.

“ NYAGAAA!!! ” Neco-Arc roared out as threateningly as she could, as she took out a boxing glove just as the last second, shattering one of the soldier’s shields, before punching straight through its red-triangular face. Doing a backflip just in time to avoid getting sliced in half by the three ninjas who tried coordinating an ambush on her, Neco used her tail to stun like a whip to stun the three feminine robots, giving her just enough time to whip out her old school Nokia cell phone. 

One prank call to the local Papa Johns and a call to ACME Corps later, Neco-Arc was not only able to put herself in debt in less than a microsecond, but she was able to call upon a mail-ordered piano that fell from the heavens; crushing the three ninjas underneath the musical instrument that the cat-girl foolishly forgot to insure when she ordered it.

“NYAAA~!!! LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE!!! I’m suing you… I’M SUING YOU ALL FOR PROPERTY DAM-YAAAAAAAAAN!?!” Neco-Arc tried screaming like a feral sue-happy Californian, before being sprayed by bits of sausage meat that was being fired upon her by a vengeful man in a yellow costume. 

“That’s for ruining my jetpack, ya stupid cat! ” Noise shouted with a manic look on his face, as he shot Neco-Arc enough times to send her through the brick wall of the building across from him; smiling deviously, as he dropped his emptied minigun on the floor, before whipping out a massive rocket launcher with a stupid rat stuffed inside of it. “ Now it’s your turn, FATASS!!!” Noise cackled sinisterly, as he aimed directly at where Peppino was piledriving a soldier into oblivion.

Squeezing the trigger of his massive tubed weapon, Noise’s red eyes were filled with frustration the moment he saw his rocket-propelled rat get intercepted by four soldiers who had tried to blitz him from the front. “OH GREAT!!! You stupid tin-cans ruined my shot! I only had one— count em— ONE RAT ON ME!!!” Noise shouted with a crazed look on his face, before immediately striking a taunting pose the moment a ninja tried splitting him in half with its aerial dive; causing the sleek-levitating robot to become stunned, with how powerful his parry was.

“You just made the last mistake you’ll ever make, can-opener!” Noise quipped with a murderous look in his eyes, as he leaped up from the porch with his sharpened fingers tearing into the ninja’s metal arms. Using his powerful thighs, Noise crushed the upper half of the robot like an empty soda can, before pulling its floating arms away from the hold its body’s gravitational tethers had on them.

Armed with two makeshift katanas, Noise made up for his earlier missed opportunity of insulting Neco-Arc’s culture by shouting out made-up gibberish with his eyelids narrowed, as he began slashing and parrying the ninjas who were targeting him specifically. “Masaka?! N-Nani?! Ora, ora! Nico-Nico-Niiii- NAAAAOAIYAO?!? ” Noise screamed out in agony, the moment Neco-Arc teleported behind him with a golden-murderous glimmer in her eyes, which were hidden underneath the shadow her rage was casting over her upper face.

“... Omae wa mou shinderu,” Neco-Arc said in a cold, spine-chilling voice that was absent of any silliness; her rage alone was enough to plunge the city in a bleak darkness, leaving behind only Noise, who felt as though he was floating in a pitch-black void.

“W-What the Hell is th- GUWAAAHH!?! ” Noise cried out in a guttural scream, as pizza-flavored tequila spilled out of his mouth the moment Neco-Arc’s first fist collided into his abdomen. From there, Neco-Arc’s punches were breaking what laws of physics still remained in the reality marble,  as her fists were moving at a “ massively-faster-than-light ” speed; each of them landing into Noise’s body, and increasing the cat-girl’s combo meter.

Charging her final attack, Neco-Arc’s eyes were burning with fire as was her cocked back fist as time itself was paused around them. “Toki wo tomare, ” Neco-Arc uttered out with her ever present smile curling into a slightly sadistic smirk, as she locked eyes with the beaten man before landing the fiery blow into his crotch. “... Soshite toki wa ugokidasu,” Neco-Arc whispered quietly under her breath; resuming time, and transforming the costumed man into what was essentially a flaming meteor she sent hurtling into a group of soldiers who tried raising their shields to defend themselves.

After having parried a ninja’s attack long enough to follow up with an uppercut punch that caused for the sleek robot to explode in a cloud of red-particles, Peppino turned around before immediately diving out of the way; narrowly avoiding being caught in Neco-Arc’s powerful attack, as he heard Noise screaming out while his fiery body plunged into the surface of the world. ‘ That was close…! We can’t be out here for long though; there’s no telling when more reinforcements will show up. ’ 

Doing a quick look around, once Peppino made sure that the coast was clear he immediately sprung into action once again by quickly collecting the three other individuals who were in the alley with him; piling all of them over his shoulder faster than light speeds, before dragging them inside the restaurant, and locking the door behind him. Tossing Noise’s burnt body on the floor like a crumpled piece of paper, Peppino carefully placed Neco-Arc down on her feet while carrying the bloodied young man over his shoulder; handing him to the Chef Kawasaki the moment that the orange-blob came running toward him to help out.

Raising his finger up to his lips to signal for his allies to keep silent, Peppino kept his sweaty back pressed up against the front door; listening in, as he heard the distorting sounds of more Subspace portals opening within the alleyway. With his heart racing inside of his chest, Peppino’s face was covered in a thick layer of sweat as he heard the sound of metal boots walking down the alleyway; passing by their porch, as if their owner was investigating the area, instead of just mindlessly running in a suspected direction.

Too anxious to not look, Peppino quietly turned around before kneeling down on one knee; peering through the door’s keyhole, and holding back a whimper as he saw the pale-blond knight dressed in black armor plating over her dark dress, who had light-skin, a black visor with purple marking on it covering her eyes. The purple-and-black glowing sword that the pale-skinned woman was holding in her black-gaunglet seemed to radiate darkness from its blade alone. 

There was a moment of panic within Peppino’s mind, after he saw the blond woman slowly turn her head over her armored shoulder to look over in his direction; her visor-covered eyes seemingly staring right through the door they were all hiding behind, as she silently continued to keep her head turned. Seeing her raise her black-glowing sword up, Peppino was struggling to remain silent as she swung her blade down vertically; cutting through the fabric of their reality marble, before slowly climbing into it and vanishing before his very eyes.

Half-expecting for the ominous woman with the black saber to slice open another portal that would allow her entrance into the dining area, Peppino held his breath as he turned around with a frantic look in his eyes as he waited for the worst to happen. Luckily, after waiting nearly two minutes with suspended tension in the air, Peppino was finally able to let out a sigh of relief and begin breathing again, after feeling confident enough to assume that the pale-skinned woman in black armor wasn’t coming back again.

“ Aughh… And here I-a thought that we weren’t going to-a see them again so-a soon,” Peppino muttered to himself, as he let out another sigh while getting back up on his feet. Walking over to where Noise was still laying down and covered in soot, Peppino tapped his foot against his rival’s side before asking “Hey Theo, are you-a dead?”

“ ... O-Only on the inside, heh-ha… ” Noise croaked back sarcastically; weakly laughing at his own comeback, before yelping in pain as Peppino gave him a swift kick in the ribs. “ Ow! What was that for…?! ”

“Don’t-a think I didn’t see what you did to Gattina, before you-a tried shooting me when my back-a was turned to you,” Peppino shot back, while watching through narrowed eyelids as Noise smiled back at him with a guilty look on his crispy face. 

“ Oh, uh…?! I-I was just, uhhh… T-Tryin’ to make the fight last longer; it ain’t no fun if we just mop the floor with the bad guys, is it…?! ” Noise asked, after having made up an excuse on the spot as to why he was willing to sabotage his own team.

Not buying an ounce of the lie Noise was trying to sell him, Peppino rolled his eyes at the other man before stepping over his small body. “Uh-huh, sure; just-a don’t do it again, capchie?” Peppino said with an annoyed tone, as he patted Neco-Arc on her head before continuing on his way over to the large dining table that Chef Kawasaki had laid the young man’s body down on top of.

With the man’s white eye-mask removed, both chefs were able to see just how youthful the injured male’s face really was. Feeling sympathetic to the pain that the groaning young man was experiencing, Chef Kawasaki grimaced as he took his own hat off from the top of his head before laying it down underneath the young man’s head full of black hair. “Poor kid; he’s just a boy, Chef… Whatever he did, he probably didn’t deserve what those scary robots did to him,” Chef Kawasaki said, while flinching as he thought about what he saw through the blinds of his upstairs window; before he had alerted Peppino and Neco-Arc about what was transpiring in the alley.

Seeing the young man covered in cuts, bruises and matted with blood reminded Peppino of how terrified and heartbroken he was when he was helplessly carrying his niece’s unconscious body around within the ethereal halls of the Pizza Castle. “... Do you-a have another Maxim Tomato, Chef? Something-a like that would-a be enough to help-a this boy, no?”

Nodding his head with a disappointed look on his face, Chef Kawasaki gave Peppino an apologetic frown before sighing. “It would… If only I had another one to give out. Your cat stole the only one I had, Chef. Without any food from Dream Land to work with, I’m afraid the most we can do for this young man is call for an ambulance to take him to a hospital.”

“ Nyaga… I don’t think that’s a good idea, bub,” Neco-Arc interrupted, as she made her way over to the table before climbing on top of it; standing beside the young man’s torn gray-trousers, while looking Chef Kawasaki in the eye. “The Subspace Army’s looking for him right now, and we would be painting a target on our faces if one of Pizzahead’s goons found out we were here. Us being here in general is already risky enough, and it’s only a matter of time before we’re found out anyway, I take it,” Neco-Arc stated factually with her arms crossed over her flat chest.

“... Besides, that whole saying “ an enemy of my enemy is my friend ” is more than likely the scenario we’re looking at, nyaaa~ . The way I see it, this kid’s more than likely knows something that got him under the Subspace Army’s radar to begin with; meaning that he’s technically our best potential lead at the moment,” Neco-Arc reasoned with a surprising amount of logic on her part that impressed both chefs.

Balling his fingers into determined fists, Peppino’s eyes became filled with resoluteness as he looked away from Neco-Arc to give the stressed out blob a stern look. “She’s-a right, you know. There’s-a no more excuses for you to-a give me, Chef; if-a you ever want to go back home to Cappy Town, you’re-a gonna have to recreate-a recipe using the ingredients you’ve-a got,” Peppino said encouragingly, while also subtly giving the orange-blob a direct order.

“ Oooooh…! Such pressurrrrreeeee…! ” Chef Kawasaki muttered to himself, as he began sweating down his orange face, while holding the sides of his head nervously. “I-I want to help you guys, and this kid too, but…! I-I’m just not familiar enough with these ingredients to make anything from back home! I-I just-”

“-Then I’ll-a help you cook, Chef,” Peppino interrupted, while giving the nervous blob of anxiety a reassuring look; one that seemed to reignite the hope back into Chef Kawasaki’s black-watery eyes. “With our-a combined skills and-a knowledge, we’ll cook-a dish that'll be-a so good that this-a boy is gonna wake up as a fully grown-a man!” Peppino said as enthusiastically as he could; trying to motivate both himself and the other chef into trying the impossible. 

“Y-Yeah… Yeah. Yeah! YEAH!!! YEAAAAHH BABY; LET’S FREAKING GOOOOOOO!!!” Chef Kawasaki screamed with righteous determination in his voice, as he pulled his white hat from underneath the young man’s head; causing him to let out a groan of pain, as the orange-blob put his funny little hat back on top of his bald head. Pumped full of motivation and the willingness to unleash his inner power to create the perfect dish, Chef Kawasaki let out a battle cry as he and Peppino high fived before entering the kitchen to begin spitting the face of God, by making the perfect spaghetti and meatballs.

Nodding her head in approval, Neco-Arc quietly whispered to herself “My job here is done,” before trying to climb down the edge of the table. Immediately losing her grip, Neco-Arc let out a cat-yowl as she fell down four feet, before landing face-first into the white-tiled floor below. 

Chapter Text

Fire, Earth, Water, Air; the four elements that were used harmoniously to create the perfect dough needed for both Peppino and Chef Kawasaki to use as a vessel for their future toppings. On a mission and on a budget, the two chefs requested the assistance of both Neco-Arc and Noise, who were sent out of New Donk City to a nearby area called “Tomato Town”. Having reassured Peppino that they would get him the tomatoes he needed, Noise and Neco-Arc decided to save what little Pizza Points that Chef Kawasaki had given them once they saw the tomato residents who were out in town.

Having just wiped out all the ten residents from Tomato Town, the two violent gremlins spent their allotted money on fast food before coming back to Kitchen Shiitake with several glass jars filled with tomato sauce; all of which were looted and emptied, before being used to store the blood of their victims. With the dough refrigerated and ready to be sauced up, Peppino removed the plastic wrapping from the would-be crust before he and the orange-blob smothered the top of it in the tomato-blood of innocents. Confident in the abilities of Noise and Neco-Arc to collect more ingredients, Chef Kawasaki lent them the remainder of his pizza points before asking them to back out into the city, in order to purchase the necessary toppings. 

It took them about ten minutes of leaping from skyscraper-to-skyscraper before the devious duo found a Walmart that was open in the wee-hours of the night. Originally having planned on committing a shoplifting spree, both Noise and Neco-Arc were immediately deterred by the idea once they stepped inside and were greeted by an employee who had been given the unfortunate assignment of checking receipts. Listening to Linkin Park blaring over Walmart Radio, Noise and Neco-Arc grabbed a shopping cart and began going down the aisles of the grocery section; the two of them screaming out in horror the moment they saw a Pizza Boy cardboard cutout near the frozen section.

Shaken to their cores, both of the short little characters were trembling as they moved their cart over to one of the many self-checkout kiosks. Scanning their items and bagging all of them by themselves, Noise took out his pocket of pizza point coins before sliding them into the machine one-by-one; his manic gaze scanning the area around him, as the thought of Pizzahead or Pizzaface popping up out of nowhere kept the two on high alert, even as they made their way out of the store and through the parking lot.

Holding both of the grocery bags while Neco-Arc was walking alongside him, Noise looked over from the corner of his eye to see that the short cat-girl was still sweating bullets down her wide-eyed face, as the two of them walked through the aisle of cars underneath the outdoor tall rows of light posts. “... Hey cat, why are you still shaken up? You’ve never seen what Pizzahead looked like when he was younger, so why did ya freak out in there?”

“ Nyaanu…! I’ve only seen his younger self inside of records held within the Moon Cell,” Neco-Arc explained with a shiver; her crimson eyes looking straight ahead, while oblivious to the intrigued look that Noise was giving her.

“There it is again… “ Moon Cell ”… You keep saying that, like I’m supposed to know what that is,” Noise commented with a dry chuckle, as he and the cat-girl left the vicinity of the parking lot. “What is the “ Moon Cell ”, and what’s it got to do with Pizzahead?”

Keeping her guard up while the two of them were walking down the mostly vacant road that would take them back into the metropolitan area of inner New Donk City, Neco-Arc needed a moment to think before knowing how to word her response properly. “How do I put this… Okay, soooo the “ Moon Cell ” is this super-duper high-tech computer, and it’s made of these interdimensional conduits known as “ photonic crystals ”; basically, it’s able to transfer and load photons that have data within them.”

“Photons, eh? Yeah, okay what you’re saying is that the Moon Cell utilizes electromagnetic radiation that's been quantified. These photonic crystals must have dense nano-structures in order for quantum entanglement to take place on a multiversal scale… Meaning technically that the Moon Cell itself would classify as a hyperverse in of itself of at least the fifth dimension, right?” Noise asked, while being met with a small-pupil stare from the confused cat-girl who had no idea what he was talking about. 

“ Nyaaa… I-I don’t know, m-maybe?” Neco-Arc replied back with an uncertain tone in her voice, to which made Noise let out a disappointed sigh as the inner academic within him was let down. “I’m not very good at all that science mumbo-jumbo… But basically, it's a pseudo-intelligent being, kind of like an AI, that uses the same kind of projection stuff as holograms to emulate magic; with the underlying difference being that the Moon Cell’s hologram projections can interact with the real world, and whatever universe it creates in its “ reality marbles ”. These “ reality marbles ” exists within the spiritual computer system that’s in the Moon Cell; that whole shabang-bang is known as the “ Serial Phantasm ”, or just “ SE.RA.PH ” for short,” Neco-Arc replied with a helpful description of what the Moon Cell was capable of; proving to Noise that she wasn’t as dumb as he thought she was.

“Okay, enough about what it is. How did Pizzahead find it, and what’s his plan with it?” Noise asked, as the two of them stopped at the corner of an intersection, in order to wait for the crosswalk sign to signal for them to walk across the street. 

“ Nya… I can’t say for certain what Pizzahead’s intentions are, since I’m not sure how much of the Moon Cell he changed. But, what you might find interesting is that the Moon Cell— or “ Pizza Castle ”, as he’s renamed it— did perform a scan on him after he did whatever to it, and update an earlier record that it had on him,” Neco-Arc offered, as the crosswalk sign finally changed; allowing for them on the few other night owls to cross the street safely.

“Sure, if you wouldn’t mind telling me,” Noise replied, as he and the cat-girl began walking deeper into the inner city; all of the colorful neon signs and street lights illuminating the way for them both, as they continued on their way back to the restaurant. 

“ Buranyaa~! I knew you couldn’t resist,” Neco-Arc said playfully, before focusing back on their conversation. “So magic, or “ magi ”, used to exist up until about nineteen-seventy, at least within the Moon Cell’s home universe. Get this, the first recorded instance of Pizza Boy and his older brother, “ Pizza Bro ” showing up in that universe was around the year nineteen-twenty. According to the record I read up on, before you and Peppino arrived within the Pizza Castle, Pizza Boy and Pizza Bro had gotten into some funky hijinks, and ended up crash landing on the Moon, after building a “ Pizza Rocket ”.”

“Really? You know this because the Moon Cell records history, I’m guessing?” Noise asked with a raised brow, while Neco-Arc cutely nodded her head. “Where in the Pizza Castle were you able to access these records? Sounds to me like they would be useful in helping us take down Pizzahead.”

“ Nyaaa~! You would think, buuuuuuut all of the records within the Moon Cell’s leftover data were deleted to make room for a bunch of files that Pizzahead has locked behind an encryption-thingy. The only records that are available within the Pizza Castle’s mainframe are records about his accomplishments,” Neco-Arc informed with a shrug, before quickly adding “Oh! And there’s a bunch of computer rooms scattered within the halls I’ve explored; they're just in hidden areas, kind of like secret rooms!”

“Secret rooms and trying to brand himself in a positive light only? Tch, yeah, that sounds like Pizzahead, alright,” Noise muttered with a dry and cynical voice, as he mentally envisioned seeing the smug-careless grin on Pizzahead’s cheesy face. “ Guh, what an asshole… Anyway, how did Pizza Boy and Caesar get back home, once they crash landed on the Moon?”

“... Caesar? Who’s Caesar?” Neco-Arc asked with a derpy smile on her catty face.

“ Uh… He’s Pizzahead’s brother; or was, at least… He’s the guy you were referring to as “ Pizza Bro ”,” Noise answered with a perplexed look on his face ‘ Wow… First that jerk murders his own brother, and now Pizzahead wants him to be remembered only as some second-banana who was part of his old franchise? Talk about a megalomaniac… ’ 

“Oh? I don’t remember that name popping up anywhere within Pizzahead’s records,” Neco-Arc explained, after having to think about whether the name “ Caesar ” sounded familiar to her or not. “Anyway, Pizza Boy and Pizza Bro ended up getting roped into an event that the SE.RA.PH was holding amongst its universe’s most magically gifted users called “ Masters ”…”

“... Nine-hundred and ninety-nine participants, one-hundred and twenty-eight Masters who battled in a tournament format; all of which had their souls digitalized in order to enter the Moon Cell; the losers' souls deleted forever if they lost… The winner would obtain entrance into the core of the Moon Cell itself, in which then they would be able to harness the power of the Moon Cell to grant their wish,” Neco-Arc explained with a serious tone that made Noise feel uncomfortable at the thought of his very soul being deleted from existence.

“Geez, that sounds cut-throat to me… And you’re telling me that Pizza Boy and Caesar went through that, and got their hands bloodied for their ticket back home?” Noise asked with furrowed brows, to which Neco-Arc replied by simply nodding at his question. “I guess that explains the origin of Pizzahead’s psychopathic behavior… Makes sense that he would come back for another wish; that guy’s never satisfied with what he has.”

“ Nyaa~! That’s the thing! He’s been in the Moon Cell a grand total of three times! There was a time back in nineteen eighty-seven when Pizzahead and his brother came back, and participated in the next Holy Grail War; there they befriended a young girl named Hakuno Kishinami, and actually helped her win the entire tournament,” Neco-Arc recalled, as she remembered feeling surprised after having read that tidbit for the first time. “The record didn’t mention why they came back in the first place, but it did say that Kishinami-Chan shared her power with them, so that they could go back home for a second time.”

“... Aw geez, so we don’t have any idea what Pizzahead did during that time? Great, that would have made things too easy for us, if we knew what he knew,” Noise muttered sarcastically, as he found himself unable to do anything with all of the information that Neco-Arc had given him. “And then finally the third and final time he showed his ugly mug was when he came in, guns-blazing… I don’t even know anything about that “ Holy Cannoli ” thing he’s got, but if that thing alone was strong enough to help him brute-force his way into getting more wishes… Then we’re kind of screwed, ain’t we?”

“ Nyaga… Maybe. Maybe not. I sort of think our chances are looking pretty good right now,” Neco-Arc argued with an optimistic tone in her voice.

“Oh yeah? And why’s that, you dopey-eyed sap?” Noise asked rudely, as he couldn’t help but to allow for his cynical side to interfere with the somewhat friendly discussion that he and Neco-Arc were having up until that point. And before the cat-girl could respond to his snarky question, the two of them froze as they felt the ground shake underneath their feet. “ Shhh! Hey… Something’s comin… ” Noise whispered with a warry voice, as he slowly shoved the bags of groceries into his costume’s impossibly-deep pocket; freeing his hands, as both he and Neco-Arc kept their eyes up, toward the direction of where the thunderous footsteps were coming from.

In the distance, the duo could see crowds of late-night pedestrians scurrying away from the ten-meter tall mechanical bipedal emerging from the corner of a skyscraper. Its skeletal-metal chassis appeared elegant with its crimson and gold timing along its steel armor, as it swung its nine-foot long bladed-fingers at one individual with a chainsaw head, who had tried to attack it head on. Using its long metal fingers to block the chainsaw headed man’s attack, the large metal being cackled as the cannon that was mounted onto its body like a scorpion’s tail shot out a beam of cyan-energy into his opponent’s body; flash frying him, and transforming him into a lifeless trophy that it caught midair with its clawed hand.

“Nice night for a stroll, isn’t it? Who would have guessed that I’d stumble upon another puny would-be hero… I’m sure this one will fetch me a fine price, heh!” The sentient mecha chuckled to himself; its red glowing eyes staring menacingly at its prize, before carefully setting it down on the ground by his large metal feet. “Now where’s the other o- Ah, there’s the human, ” the mecha spoke aloud in a sadistic voice, as it turned its white-armored head over toward the bus stop.

Looking over to where the mecha’s optic sensors were pointed at, Noise and Neco-Arc saw a petite young woman with short brown hair who had been hiding behind the aforementioned bus stop; her eyes widening in horror, as she heard the metal monster’s thunderous footsteps draw closer. “ W-WAIT!!! WAIT, I’M JUST A FAST-FOOD WORKE- AHHHHHH!!! ” The young woman with her brown-ponytail wailed out, before sprinting toward Noise and Neco-Arc, as the metal being behind her was quickly catching up to her.

Upon seeing the derpy eye smile of Neco-Arc, and the confused and cautious look behind Noise’s mask, the young Japanese woman’s panicked mind quickly jumped to the conclusion that the short duo were her only hope. “ HELP, H-HELP MEEEEEE!!! ” The woman begged from the top of her lungs; her face covered in beads of sweat, as she dashed forward at subsonic speeds; stopping only when Noise and Neco-Arc were separating the metal monster from getting to her. “P-Please! Y-You two gotta save me; t-this thing’s trying to kill me!” 

Uninterested in getting involved with whatever was going on between the young woman and the mechanical nightmare that was now towering over them, Noise calmly raised his arms up before speaking. “Look guys, this isn’t really OUR business, and we’ve got places to be, so… We’re gonna head out, okay? Okay,” Noise said firmly with an annoyed tone, before grabbing Neco-Arc’s arm to begin dragging the spacey-minded cat-girl behind him, leaving behind a devastated Japanese girl, who was staring back at him with a look of betrayal and frustration.

Before he could get more than a few feet forward, Noise suddenly took action the moment he noticed the thirty-foot tall metal monster raising its massive-armored foot up and over his head. Hearing the Japanese girl beginning to hyperventilate behind him, Noise tightened his hold on Neco-Arc’s wrist as he swung her body horizontally to parry the mecha’s foot, before it could stomp all three of them into the ground. “What the…? Ergh, you little maggots need to learn when you’re being stepped on!” The metal being shouted in an angered tone, before attempting to stomp down on the three of them once again; this time putting more power behind his downward foot.

Parrying the attack with the help of Neco-Arc’s face once again, Noise was beginning to grow irritated, as he watched the mecha stumble backwards away from them. “I thought I told ya already, you “ Oversized Toaster ”, I ain’t buying what you’re selling!” Noise shouted angrily back at the thirty-foot tall goliath, while raising Neco-Arc’s body up as though she were his sword. “So beat it, or I’ll tear your copper wiring out of your robot-ass!”

Unamused by the threatening words that the costumed man shouted at him, the mecha’s glowing red eyes intensified as it began to flex its sharp claws in anticipation. “You’re beginning to get on my bad side, you puny little human…! Tell me, because I really, really have to know: What’s your name, freak?” The mecha asked in a loud, booming voice; frightening the already petrified woman behind Noise, while he narrowed his eyelids back at the metal being before him.

“Noise… You can call me “ Noise ”,” the masked man replied, as he watched the cannon attached to the mecha’s tail beginning to emit bolts of energy from around its chassis; as the metal being was revving it up. “What about yours, loser? What name will I be giving to the Junkyard guy, once I have him make a tombstone out of your corpse?” 

“Ohhh, you’ve got spunk, don’t you, human?! I like that; it’s always entertaining to see bravado transform into cowardice whenever it dawns on your kind that you’re about to die,” the mecha mused with a sadistic tone in his voice, as he let out an evil cackle. “Metal Face… I am “ Metal Face ”... Remember that name, because it’ll be the last name you’ll ever think of,” the metal monster said threateningly, as it began calculating the best moment to strike his opponents.

Appearing uninterested by the mecha’s name, Noise turned Neco-Arc upside down to begin leaning his elbow on her upright shoes, pretending to pick his nails, while letting out a bored yawn. “Metal Face, huh? Is that really what you want to be remembered as…? Alright, that’s fine with- WOAG!!! ” Noise shouted in a battle cry, as he threw Neco-Arc’s body at Metal Face, just as the massive mecha leapt forward to bring its bladed claws down on him.

“ NYAAAAAAAA?!? ” Neco-Arc yelped in pain, as she was smacked off course by Metal Face’s clawed hand; the raging fire beneath her shoes thrusting her into an out of control spiral, that caused her to crash into the side of a nearby skyscraper. 

Irritated by how easily Noise had been able to predict its surprise-attack, Metal Face let out a thunderous grunt as it leaned forward to take aim with its massive tail-cannon. “You got lucky, you little creep! Now… LET’S SEE YOU DODGE THIS!!! ” Metal Face roared out furiously, before beginning to cackle madly as a continuous beam of lightning-infused energy shot out of the tip of his cannon— its plasmic heat melting the asphalt into molten lava, as he quickly tracked it to where Noise had evaded it.

Smiling in the face of danger, Noise was flipping Metal Face off during the entire time he began rummaging through his own pocket, skillfully dodging the beam of energy, as he pulled out his trusty rocket-propelled scooter. “Feast your eyes on this, ya friggin’ scrap-heap! I’ll show ya what TRUE power looks like!” Noise shouted triumphantly, before using the red button attached to the end of his scooter’s handlebar to ignite its thrusters; allowing him to instantly move at mach three speeds. 

Caring not for the mayhem and destruction that his beam of plasmic energy was causing, Metal Face was seething with rage as he tried to keep up with Noise, who was taunting it while riding along the sides of the skyscrapers surrounding them. “I-Impossible…! No human can move THAT fast!” Metal Face growled out in anger, while getting mooned by the costumed man himself. “... Enough of these games! Just DIE!!! ” Metal Face screeched out, before surprising Noise by suddenly transforming into an advanced version of a fighter jet; its massive golden-metal wings expanding outward, while its tail-like cannon was positioned forward to act like a cockpit. 

“Holy crap! It’s a freakin’ Transformer!” Noise shouted out loud with a stressed look on his face, as he suddenly found himself unable to keep up the silly-malicious act, as he watched Metal Face flying directly toward him at mach three speed. Silently cursing Neco-Arc for having destroyed his jetpack, Noise was forced to abandon his rocket-propelled scooter as he hoped sideways and over Metal Face’s chassis, just as its massive metal body crashed straight through the side of the skyscraper that the costumed man had been riding on.

Cackling with anticipation, Metal Face made a U-turn around the crumbling skyscraper that it had just compromised; its cannon ready to fire, as it flew around the falling structure to where it last saw its opponent. “If you have any final words, now’s the time to say them!” Metal Face taunted, as he fired his electrical-beam of volatile energy at Noise; creating a blinding light that illuminated the area in a cyan glow.

“ WOAG!!! ” Noise shouted back with a wide smile across his face, as he struck a pose powerful enough to redirect the blast away from him; sending the lightning blast out into the starless sky above.

“ WHAT?!? IMPOSSIBLE!!! ” Metal Face roared out in protest, as it sped up toward where Noise was descending down into the streets below. “Whatever you’re doing, it ends NOW!!!” Metal Face roared out in its thunderous voice, as it used the tip of its burning cannon to ram directly into Noise’s small body; preventing the costumed man from using the yellow bombs that he had been trying to ignite during his fall.

Trying to grab a hold of Metal Face’s cannon, Noise was caught off guard by his attacker suddenly transforming back into his bipedal form while still flying forward in midair. Getting grabbed before he could escape, Noise’s eyes widened as he watched the mecha raise its clawed hand back. “I’ll slice you into PIECES!!! ” Metal Face roared out in a battle cry, before letting go of Noise’s body, just seconds before his metal claws slashed against his small body. 

“ NAAAAOAIYAO!!! ” Noise wailed out in agony, as he and his cut-up costume were sent flying downward into the streets. Upon impacting the road below, chunks of rebar and asphalt were sent flying upwards into the sky. Before he could be further damaged by the falling debris, or the beam of energy that was being fired down upon him by the mecha that was descending down upon him, Noise quickly leapt out of the center of the crater; narrowly avoiding being killed, as he somersaulted on the road upon landing.

Rolling up to his feet, Noise quickly whipped out his minigun from his spacious pocket; loading it with a fresh sausage, before beginning to fire it up at Metal Face. Cursing to himself as he watched Metal Face transform back into its jet-form, the costumed man began sprinting behind the flying mecha while trying to land a shot on its chassis with his minigun. Tracking his flying opponent, it didn’t take long for Noise to realize what Metal Face was doing as he watched the mecha do another U-turn above him.

“ Ugh! I never wanted to fight this jerk in the first place…! ” Noise muttered to himself with his heart racing inside of his small chest, as he managed to perform a baseball slide just in time to avoid being crushed when Metal Face crash landed on the road; creating another dent in the asphalt, as the rebar beneath his armored feet broke while in the ground.

“Aw, did that hurt? I bet it did; it hurt because you’re nothing but a puny little human pretending to be more than they are,” Metal Face once again taunted sadistically, as it flexed its metal claws in preparation. “But enough with the talking; let’s just get to the part where you DIE!!! ” Metal Face shouted, as he began slashing his claws relentlessly down at Noise, who in turn was holding his own by parrying each attack with well-timed taunts.

After parrying one last time, Noise quickly ducked down to avoid getting his head ripped clean off while pulling out his trusty pogo-stick from his pocket. “ BACK UP, JACK!!! ” Noise shouted with a murderous look in his red eyes, as he used his powerful sports equipment to bounce Metal Face backwards; creating himself some breathing room that he used to switch his loadout in mid-battle. Pulling out his trusty kitchen knife and skateboard, Noise kicked his foot back as he launched himself toward his massive opponent at mach four speed; creating a trail of afterimages behind him, as he did a sick kickflip before leaping forward at Metal Face.

Having underestimated his opponent, instead of burying the blade of his kitchen knife into the white-armored cranium of the mecha, Noise’s attack was parried by Metal Face’s razor-sharp claws. Hoping to deliver a killing blow to the masked man, Metal Face used its other hand to slash upwards beneath Noise’s feet; hoping to catch the short knife-wielding man, while he was falling back down to the ground.

Letting out a powerful “ woag ”, Noise did the unexpected by pulling out a second knife from his pocket before using it to parry Metal Face’s other clawed hand. Having learned better than to try propelling himself at the mecha, Noise quickly adapted to fighting Metal Face at an extremely close range, so as to not only prevent his opponent from using its cannon on him, but to take advantage of its long-lanky limbs.

Once it realized what Noise’s plan was, Metal Face attempted to back up to create distance between him and the costumed gremlin by dashing backwards. “No! NO!!! NOT LIKE THIS!!! ” Metal Face screamed in horror, as it trying its hardest to pull Noise away from its vulnerable torso, as the costumed man evade its claws once more while leaping forward with his knives raised up over his shoulders; a murderous smile appearing on his masked face, as he plunged both of his blades into the mecha’s torso. “ G-GET OFF ME!!! ” Metal Face roared out in a panicked voice, as it tried transforming into a jet once more to shake the vicious gremlin off of its body.

Relentlessly, Noise stabbed Metal Face’s body; cutting through the mecha’s wiring, and causing it to leak coolant out of its wounds. “Gngh! Ugh…?! Nehehe…! Weehehehe!” Noise laughed mockingly, after feeling a sharp pain erupting in his abdomen, before going back to slashing and dicing the mecha with his surprisingly sturdy knives; severing the joints within Metal Face’s shoulders, and causing for his massive arms to fall of while his thrashing movements began to slow down.

“ Ngh… T-This is for my gal!” Noise shouted in an exhausted voice as he crossed his arms over his chest with his knife held tightly in his gloved hands, before swinging both bladed weapons down in a scissor-cut motion; decapitating the armless mecha whose body exploded into a cloud of light. Falling down from where he had latched himself onto the Metal Face’s body, Noise let out a grunt the moment his body once again collided against the road; dropping his knives, as he laid face down against the asphalt.

Picking himself off of the floor, Noise was sitting up on one knee while clutching his abdomen as he stared back at the trophized version of the Metal Face laying sideways on top of the spot where he had dealt the killing blow. “ Heh heh, ah… Good riddance, ya piece of junk, heh ,” Noise chuckled wearily at his defeated opponent, as he slowly pulled one hand away from his bloodied wound; inspecting the crimson stain on his white-glove, before letting out a cynical laugh. “ Haha, ah! Guess I ain’t as invincible as you thought I was, Hazel… Sorry about that, ” Noise apologized half-sarcastically out loud, as he reached down with his bloodied hand to pull out his lighter and pack of leftover cigarettes from his pocket.

Hearing the young woman’s timid footsteps coming up from behind him, Noise made sure to finish lighting the tip of the cigarette that he had between his lips before painfully turning himself around to face toward the Japanese girl with the two red-clips in her bangs. “Y-You’re still here…? W-Why…? Usually crybabies like yourself run for the hills at the first chance they get,” Noise mused meanly, as he inhaled the nicotine smoke from his cigarette, before blowing a cloud of smoke toward the direction of the sweating woman standing before him.

“W-Well… I-I, uhhh… I-I don’t know… I don’t know, uhhh… I-I don’t-”

“-“ I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know ”! Ugh, Jesus kid, what DO you know…!?” Noise snapped with an annoyed look in his half-closed eyelids, as he took another draw from his cigarette.

Tapping her fingers together nervously, the frowning petite-woman remained silent for a bit as a guilty expression slowly found its way to her sweat-covered face. “... I know that you’re dying, and that… That’s it’s… It’s my fault that y-you’re dying,” the young woman stuttered out with her eyes beginning to become watery, as she lowered head in shame. “... I am s-s-so sorry… I didn’t want any of this to happen, i-it just… It’s just that my friend and I got dragged into some scuffle, and-”

“-Kid, with all due respect, w-what makes you think that I want your whiny-ass excuses to be the last thing I listen to…?” Nose interrupted rudely with a snarky smirk across his face, as he let out a throaty laugh before collapsing back onto his bottom.

“I… I-I don’t know, uh… S-Sorry, sorry; I’ll s-stop talking,” the young woman muttered timidly, as she tightened her fingers into quivering fists beside her hips.

Taking another draw from his cigarette, Noise slowly blew out his last puff of smoke from his lungs before flicking the cancer-stick out into the street. “Good… G-Good, cause I got something for your whiny-ass to do, and I ain’t got all night to tell ya it,” Noise said with a sigh, as he momentarily glanced down to look at the amount of blood that was leaking out of his abdomen.

“... Oh wait, hold on. Wait… Wait, hold on,” Noise muttered more so to himself than to the young woman who he had unintentionally saved. Bringing his stained glove back up to his face, Noise used his long nose to take a big whiff from the back of his hand; letting out a hollow gasp, as a look of true anguish appeared on his goofy face. “Oh God, NO!!! THE FREAKIN’ GROCERIES!!!” Noise cried out in horror, as he stuck his hand back into his pocket to quickly fish out a dripping-wet plastic shopping bag; the same very bag that Metal Face’s claws had slashed through, during Noise’s scuffle with the mecha.

And as Noise fell down dramatically to his knees to begin trying to salvage what he could from his bag of ruined toppings, the petite young woman awkwardly stood there before suddenly tensing up the moment she saw Neco-Arc casually walking back with an ice cold frappe from Starbucks in her balled hand. Obnoxiously taking a slurp through her straw, Neco-Arc stood there until she was finished with her Java-Chip Mocha; completely oblivious to the fight that occurred in her absence. “ Buranyuu~! Hey guys, what’d I miss?”

Standing up from the ground, Noise used his free hand to smack the empty cup of ice out of Neco-Arc’s hand, before shoving the destroyed bag of goods into the cat-girl’s derpy face. “Bad news, Cat! That big-gay-metal-brute— the one who I tried throwing you at— tore our toppings apart with its claws!” Noise announced with a sad look in his eyes, as if though what he was describing was nothing short of a tragedy. “A-And instead having the pizza points to buy more ingredients, your FATASS used them to buy an overpriced milkshake insteaaaaddd- WAAAAHH!!! ” Noise cried out, before beginning to comedically sob, as he pulled the ripped shopping bag away from Neco-Arc’s sauce-covered face.

Instead of taking offense to being insulted, Neco-Arc’s usual derpy smile disappeared, and instead was replaced by a dramatically heartbroken expression. “M-My God… W-What have I done…?!” Neco-Arc gasped out, before falling backwards in slow motion, as a stagelight from nowhere manifested itself to shine down on her. ‘ Could I have avoided this tragic path of sot, that’s led me to my present infirmities and spiritual woes? Or is destitution the byproduct of this capitalistic nightmare we call “ freedom ”? Am I a true victim, or just another cog in the machine? ’

Being a witness to how overdramatic both Noise and Neco-Arc were being over their mismanagement of money, the young Japanese woman stood there in awkward silence, trying to build up the nerve to speak, before finally getting their attention by clearing her throat. “Ah! Uh, ummm…! I-I know where you can get s-some p-p-pizza points!” The young woman piped up in a high-pitched voice, before letting out a nervous squeak the moment both Noise and Neco-Arc turned their heads toward her; both gremlins having a dead-serious expression on their faces, while having stopped crying completely.

“... Go on… SPEAK, ” Noise said in a deep, cold voice; sending a chill down the nervous woman’s spine, as she felt immediately pressured by the menacing look the two of them were beginning to give her.

“Ahhhh?! W-Well, uh?! Y-You know how that robot-guy wanted to sell Denji? W-Wait… Oh shit…! D-Denji?! D-DENJI!!!” The young woman cried out, as the reality of what happened prior to Noise’s intervention came crashing down on her; breaking her free from her moment of awkward submission, as she turned heel to begin sprinting back toward the trophized chainsaw-headed man, who had been placed down far away from the destructive aftermath of Noise’s battle with Metal Face.

Leaving the young woman mourn over the death of her pseudo-sibling, Noise and Neco-Arc were left to exchange goofy expressions with one another in silence; neither of them aware of the short, white-skinned puppet that was slowly creeping up behind them. Staring at his new customers through his yellow and pink glasses, the slick black-haired puppet with a long-pointy nose and a giant-toothy grin fixed the collar of his black blazer, the white puppet drew closer-and-closer, until surprising the two gremlins by reaching up from behind to grab them by the shoulders.

“[HEY EVERYONE], [FRIEND REQUEST ACCEPTED]!!! [SPAMTON G. SPAMTON] Couldn't [F1] But To Notice [BUY MY ANIME MERCH] That [BIG] Trophy [WINNER, WINNER, WINNER!!!] You've Got Over [LIMITED TIME SALE] There [CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO CLAIM YOUR FREE PRIZE]... Maybe You [VALUED CUSTOMER] Would Be Interested [CALL NOW] In [SELL]ing Me, [NUMBER 1 RATED SALESMAN1997] That Fine [GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY] [ITEM]??? [END-USER LICENSE AGREEMENT]???”

Chapter Text

Upon being amongst the countless souls who were reborn into a new life within New Donk City, Ren Amamiya had awoken in a bedroom that was similar to the one his family’s friend had allowed him to stay in, during his house arrest two years ago. Instead of dwelling on his memories, Ren wasted no time dwelling within the memories of his past life, and instead immediately summoned her persona as he rolled off of his mattress. Expecting to be ambushed at any moment, Ren made sure to utilize his red trench-coat wearing persona “Arsene” by having him check each room within the entire house, before floating through the roof to do a thorough inspection of the vicinity around them.

Once it had been deemed safe by Arsene, Ren quickly made his way downstairs to his guardian’s cafe kitchen, where he began pulling out a drawer from one particular counter. Reaching into the opened drawer, the young Japanese man pulled out a butcher’s knife before setting it down on the counter top. Hunched over the counter with an intense look in his eye, the adrenaline that had been coursing through Ren’s veins from his flight-or-fight response was beginning to wear off; leaving him to reflect on his situation, now that he no longer felt actively in danger.

‘Wait… Something isn’t right here… I don’t ever recall Sakura-San’s house ever being in the Metaverse… Even if it did exist within that realm, I find it hard to imagine that it would mirror its exact appearance, all the way down to the cracks within the wallpaper,’ Ren thought to himself with a perplexed look in his gray eyes, as he stared down at beige wall that was behind the kitchen counter. “... Arsene, I need to speak with you,” Ren said in a calm manner, as he slowly turned around to where his persona came floating back down into the kitchen with him.

“ C'est un euphémisme , Joker— I believe that’s quite an understatement,” Arsene replied back in his posh, French accent, as he remained levitating over the polished-wooden floorboards below his sharp-red boots. “I detect the Metaverse’s absence within this world, and yet here I am— et pourtant je suis là ,” the persona mused with an intrigued look in his crimson-glowing eyes, as he momentarily looked away from the eighteen year-old man to give focus to the espresso machine beside him.

“ ... J'ai toujours voulu essayer un expresso, ” Arsene chuckled to himself, as he floated forward before stopping once he was in front of the espresso machine. 

Watching his persona beginning to open up the cabinets above his guardian’s expensive beverage maker, Ren gave the French spirit a perplexed look. “... Is now really the time for that? Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you and I just die not too long ago? Isn’t that worth more looking into, rather than making yourself a cup of coffee?” 

“ Saisir l'instant— Seize the moment while you can, Joker, seize while you can,” Arsene said calmly with a sincerity behind his words, as he used his long fingers to tap the touch-screen interface that was embedded in the machine’s steel chassis. “None of your friends are nearby, not even our furry little friend, Morgana. I suggest you find a working telecommunications device, and try contacting them that way, no?”

Regardless of the way Ren felt personally about the way his persona was prioritizing drinking an espresso over anything else, the young man did agree with the idea of trying to call his friends. Wearing his student outfit, Ren performed a quick search through his pockets, and found nothing inside them other than his wallet. Dreading the chore of searching through his old bedroom to see whether or not his cell phone was even or not, Ren began searching through the contents of his wallet for the folded up piece of paper that he kept on him that had a list of his team’s contact information.

Stepping out of the kitchen while still rifling through his wallet, by the time Ren made his way behind the front counter where his old guardian kept his plug-in phone, it was then that he had made an unusual discovery. ‘ ... I don’t ever recall putting this thing inside my wallet. What in the world even is a “ Pizza Point Card ”? ’ Ren thought curiously to himself, as he took out the strange-whimsical credit card that had a depiction of a 90’s era cartoon pizza-character on the front. 

Slipping closer and closer to the cold hands of Death itself, it wasn’t until Ren’s teeth sunk into the cheesy-warmth of Peppino and Chef Kawasaki’s perfected deluxe pizza-slice when he snapped back into reality. Letting out a revitalized gasp while feeling the bite of pizza laying on top of his tongue, Ren nearly choked on it as he sat up from on top of the booth table that he had been placed on; his gray eyes momentarily lighting up yellow, as his body absorbed the healing sparkles that had be released from the slice of deluxe pizza. 

Watching the bewildered and shocked man feeling himself to check whether or not his wounds were still there or not, Chef Kawasaki’s cartoonish face was lit up with pride as he pumped his stubby fist into the air. “Yes, Chef, YES!!! IT WORKED!!! WE DID IT; WE ACTUALLY DID IT!!!” The orange-blob shrieked in euphoric excitement, as he turned around to face toward where Peppino was uneasily standing beside him. 

“Uh… Y-Yeah! We-a did, didn’t we? Heh heh, heh… Uhhh, ” Peppino tried replying with a nervous smile on his face, but was too distracted wondering whether or not the young man would attack them or not. “Uh… Hey-a kid, uh… H-How are you-a feeling?” The Italian man asked cautiously, while watching as Ren began searching inside of his black trench coat with his red-gloved hands.

“... I’m feeling far better than I was, Sir, but… I-I need to know where you put my belongings; it’s critical that I have them back on my person, as soon as possible,” Ren replied with a nervous tone in his voice, as he placed his white mask back over his eyes before hopping off of the table.

“ Haha, ah…! Y-Yeah, about-a that… Before-a we do that, I want-a to know if it’s-a too much for me to-a ask WHY you were running away from those-a Subspace goons? And-a more importantly, what-a were doing with that red-gem?” Peppino asked warily, while Ren stared back down at him with a reluctant frown on his young face. “I’m-a not trying to-a pry into your-a business, young man, I am just-a trying to put-a things back where they-a belong, and-a well… A new-a business partner of mine recently told-a me that a certain someone is-a looking for that gem of yours… A certain someone who-a is responsible for-a this mess.”

Narrowing his eyelids slightly while frowning, Ren felt his heart beginning to face inside of his chest as he looked away from Peppino to begin observing his surroundings within the dining room. “... If what you’re insinuating is that I was on my way to deliver that gem to Pizzahead before my team and I got ambushed, you would be mistaken,” Ren said with a solemn tone, as he slowly turned his attention back to the confused chef.

“I’m not-a accusing you of-a doing anything inherently-a wrong; I know-a that Pizzahead can-a be quite manipulative when-a he wants something important to-a him… So again, where-a did you get that-a “Chaos Emerald”, and what does it-a do exactly?” Peppino inquired once again, after having tried to reassure the distrustful young man that he wasn’t his enemy.

Darting his eyes away from the Italian man’s awkward smile, Ren silently stared back at Chef Kawasaki, who in turn was doing his best to comfort the young man by smiling softly at him. “Hey now young man, we’re all in the same boat, you hear? We’re all just trying to make sense of this crazy world, and working together to figure out how we can stop this Pizzahead from accomplishing whatever the heck it is he’s trying to accomplish!” The orange-blob said with a motivational tone in his goofy voice, as he raised his stubby hand up in front of him to show just how passionate he was about helping Peppino stop Pizzahead.

Furrowing his thin brows softly at Chef Kawasaki, Ren’s gray eyes lowered away from the orange-blob’s determined expression as he slowly averted his gaze down to the floorboards. “... I want to believe what you’re telling me; really, I do… But as far as I know, you two brought me back from certain death for the sole purpose of trying to exploit the emerald’s power for your own purposes; purposes that I’ve yet to verify as true,” Ren spoke calmly, as he lifted his chin up to meet Peppino’s cartoonish gaze.

Shaking his head frantically at the young man, the Italian man reached an arm up to place his hand down on his slender shoulder. “Young man, we were going to-a save you regardless of what you-a had on you; those sort of-a things are just the kind of-a things that good men-a do for those in-a need,” Peppino reassured, before adding “As soon as Chef Kawasaki here told-a me that there was-a young man getting-a attacked out in the alley, I nor-a my cat-friend hesitate to-a lend a helping-a hand.”

“... You say that sir, and as kind as those words are, I’m inclined to remain skeptical of your true intentions,” Ren insisted with an apologetic look in his eye, as he softly smiled back at Peppino’s disappointed expression. “It’s nothing against you or Kawasaki-San here, it’s just that I’ve experienced first hand what blind trust does to someone… And of the consequences that follow suit.”

Letting out a heavy sigh through his nose, Peppino’s inner frustration led him into opening his mouth to begin arguing more with the distrustful young man. However, instead of letting his inner rage get the better of him and of the situation, the Italian man suddenly recalled the words that his niece had told him prior to his departure from Noisette’s pink coffee shop.

“... L-Like I was saying… I’ll stay here like you want me to, but I want you to remember this moment for next time.”

“... Next-a time?”

“Yeah, for next time… When I have to do something dangerous that you wouldn’t normally let me do on my own, or if I have to do that with someone who you might not fully trust either.”

“M-Madeline… I-I fully respect what-a you’re trying to-a convey here, b-but these-a circumstances we’re in… They’re-a not ones that-a allow us room to-a fail.”

“...”

“...”

“... Do you trust me?”

“... W-What? Err… Y-Yes, of course I do my Topolina! B-But this-a has nothing to do with-a trust.”

“I disagree, Uncle; I think everything we’re doing here is based solely on leaps of faith. Trust is all we have going for us, and apparently we all need to work on it; myself included…”

‘ For next time… I suppose that “next time” came sooner than expected, eh Topolina? ’ Peppino thought to himself with a warmth growing in his chest, as he thought of his beloved niece and the kindness within her that had been rubbing off on him since she came back into his life. “... It’s-a hard to trust others when-a all you have from-a the past is evidence as to-a why you shouldn’t-a trust others,” Peppino said with empathy in his voice; much to Ren’s surprise.

‘And here I thought he was about to lose his temper with me,’ the young Japanese man thought to himself, as he softly nodded at the chef’s wise words. “It absolutely is… Especially now more than ever. Nothing makes sense in this twisted world, and I’ve learned quickly that nowhere is truly safe… But you must have already learned that by now, haven’t you?” Ren asked, to which Peppino nodded.

“Believe-a me young man, nothing in-a regards to Pizzahead’s creations are-a made with-a safety in mind… More than-a likely, this is all just-a some sick form of-a entertainment to him. But I-a digress,” Peppino spoke, while feeling Chef Kawasaki’s stare on him as he reached a hand into his own pocket. “I might not-a know what happened to you in-a your past young man that made-a you wary of trusting others, and I might-a never will…”

“... But what I do-a know is that trust is a two-way system, and it-a takes time and work to-a build with others,” Peppino said with a reluctant but determined look on his sweating face, as pulled out a large crimson gem that was cut into the shape of a diamond; a red light was illuminated from its powerful inside, as the Italian man stared down at it before extending her hand out to offer it back to the young man. “My niece-a shared with me that-a everything we’re-a doing here is-a based solely on-a taking leaps of-a faith…”

“... Trust is-a all we have-a going for us, and… And I’ll-a be the one to-a take that first leap for you,” Peppino said with a soft breath escaping his lungs, as he watched as Ren carefully took the chaos emerald from his hand; inspecting it carefully, before lowering it by his side.

“... You’re right, trust is something that’s hard to come by… And it’s also one of the hardest things to earn from someone… But seeing how you did save my life, and you’re willing to trust me enough to give me back the chaos emerald, well…” Ren trailed off quietly, while appearing to be having a momentary inner conflict with his thoughts, before finally relaxing his shoulders while giving Peppino a genuine smile. “It won’t be easy for me to trust you, but for the sake of everyone who’s still alive, and to those who’ve fallen in the pursuit of justice… I guess I’ll just have to get over it, won’t I?” 

After having witnessed Peppino going against their original plan to use the chaos emerald as a bargaining chip for their last resort of getting information out of Ren, Chef Kawasaki was genuinely confused as he saw the Italian man giving the young Japanese man a knowing smirk. “I… I don’t understand what's going on here, fellas. C-Can you let me in on it?! I’m getting all antsy over here…!” Chef Kawasaki cried out, as he desperately waited in anticipation for either man to give him an answer.

Raising his hand back while Ren was doing the same, Peppino dabbed the young man up by grabbing a hold of his hand, before pulling him closer to bump shoulders with him. “Correct-a me if I’m-a under the wrong-a impression here, but I’m preeeeeetty -a sure you and I just agreed to team-a up, sì?”

“You’d be correct, sir. And seeing how you handled yourself against those unusual robots that got the jump on me, I take it I won’t have to worry about you being able to hold your own in whatever battles await for us, yes?” Ren asked in return, to which Peppino gave him a cocky smirk before giving him a confident thumbs up.

“You-a can bet your-a black trench-coat that I can-a kick some-a ass!” Peppino boasted, as he raised his hand up to point his outstretched thumb toward his own chest. “Peppino… Peppino Spaghetti, at-a your service, young-a man!”

Letting out a throaty chuckle, Ren’s smile grew as he straightened his back before slowly bending over at the waist to give Peppino a bow of respect. “The honor is all mine, Peppino-San,” Ren said politely, before being once again surprised when he gazed up to see the Italian man returning the respectful gesture by bowing back to him. “Huh… My apologies… I wasn’t expecting you to do that, Peppino-San…” Ren said with an approving tone in his voice, as he waited for his elder to stand back up straight before following suit.

“Eh, what can I-a say? Being forty-two years old, you-a learn stuff from-a other cultures by-a that age… Plus, I used to-a watch a lot of anime on-a Toonami when I was-a teen myself,” Peppino admitted with a sheepish look on his blushing face, while hearing Ren chuckle softly at his explanation.

“Haha, you’re a man of culture too, I see…!” Ren shot back jokingly, as he carefully placed the chaos emerald into his trench-coat for safe keeping. “Anyway… Peppino-San, I would appreciate if you were to call me “ Joker ” while we’re working together; that’s the alias I go by whenever I find myself getting involved in these dangerous endeavors,” Ren said; pausing, before beginning to blush softly as he admitted “Being referred to by that name helps me feel more… Confident in myself; especially in the heat of battle… Call it dissociation, but it works for me.” 

Shrugging his shoulders, Peppino chuckled coolly while beginning to relax a bit. “Hey, it’s-a like what those old-a Chef Boyardee commercials used to say… “Chef-a don’t judge”,” Peppino quoted while flashing a pair of finger guns at both Chef Kawasaki and Ren; neither of them seemed to know what in the world the Italian man had been referencing. Realizing this, Peppino let out an embarrassed laugh, as his face became red once more. “Uh…! N-Nevermind… Come on, let’s-a go get your pistol and dagger. I-a lent them to my acquaintance; he-a said he needed them.”

Shrugging his slender shoulders while he and Chef Kawasaki began following behind the Italian man, Ren let out a soft exhalation of air before half-jokingly saying “So long as they were being used for the right reasons, I don’t mind.”

That’s when the orange-blob let out a conflicted whimper, as he looked up at the raise brow that Ren was giving him. “ Hehehe, ahhhhh…! Y-Yeah… About that…” Chef Kawasaki said nervously with an uneasy smile across his face, as Peppino continued to lead them out of the dining area, and towards the entrance of the basement.

Taking a deep inhalation of burning nicotine, Noise sat shirtless without his mask on top of the bar stool he had placed in front of the tied-up puppet. Silently staring back at the ever present grin plastered on his torture victim’s face, Noise blew a cloud of smoke into Spamton’s face before reaching up to take the burning cigarette out between his lips. “Listen here, ya piece of crap… I’m beginning to lose my patience with you, ya hear me? Keep the act up bud, and I’ll have to start getting REAL drastic with my interrogation methods,” Noise said threateningly, while glancing over at Neco-Arc, who was standing behind the Spamton’s chair with a gun in her balled hand.

Staring back at Noise through his broken yellow and pink colored spectacles, Spamton took in a deep breath before mustering up the words he needed to say to his tormentor. “I, [N-Number 1 Rated Salesman1997], [HAVE IT, [Hyperlink Blocked] IT, OWN IT TODAY] Told You [$2.99] [Lovely Customers] Everything [MUST GO TODAY] Know…! I, [Number 1 Rated Salesman1997], Don’t Work [CALL NOW] For Pizzaface, [Hoichi Mama] I [HAVE A NICE DAY] Own [MY, MY, MY] [ALL RIGHTS RESERVED] Business [Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 Of The Copyright Act 1976], And All Of [MY, MY, MY] Appraisals [Independent Valuation Of The Company's Shares] were based [BASED??? BASED ON WHAT???] on an algorithm [YOUTUBE DOT COM] that I [Download Link Below] into the [Divine Automatic Recording Device]!!!”  

Remaining stoned faced in silence after hearing Spamton’s response to his question, Noise contemplated on using the puppet’s skin to put out another one of his cigarettes, but decided to give his prisoner a chance, by referring to someone who was as insane as he was. “Yo cat, what did the stupid robot just say?”

“ Nyaaa…? I believe he said “ I’ve already told you two that I don’t work for Pizzaface, you stupid cuss-words. I have my own business, and all of my appraisals were based on an algorithm that I downloaded into the Moon Cell ”,” Neco-Arc translated, while still being somewhat unsure of how accurate she was. “ Nyaaa… I didn’t see him inside of the Pizza Castle after Pizzahead stormed the place, but… I can’t imagine that he’s lying, Noise-San; there’s no other way that someone like him would know what the Moon Cell is, especially after it underwent its transformation.” 

Digesting the information his brain had been fed, Noise nodded his head silently as he lowered his cigarettes down to snuff its flame using one of the legs of his bar stool. “So… What I’m getting from all of this is that this guy is looking out for himself, and has been going from reality marble-to-reality marble on his own… Collecting trophies and valuable artifacts, for the sole purpose of selling them to “ Pizzaface ”— not “ Pizzahead ”— and whoever else is interested who's interested in doing business with him… Does that sound about right, pal?” Noise asked, as he turned his attention back to Spamton.

“[WINNER WINNER WINNER]!!!” Spamton replied with one of his many saved audio voicelines, before silence once again fell on the room.

Figuring that Spamton had only interacted with one of the many mechas that Pizzahead was controlling remotely, Noise was now beginning to believe in the distorted words that the salebot had been telling him for the past hour. “Yeah… Yeah, I can see that… The only two questions I’ve got left for you bub is how are you able to leave these reality marbles willy-nilly like, and are able to take us to Pizzaface now?” Noise asked, as he let go of his snuffed cigarette to pick up the black dagger that he had laid down on the basement floor. “Think twice before you start blabbering, friend; what you say next will determine whether or not you live to see another sunrise.”   

Whimpering and groaning frustratingly, Spamton tightened his small fingers into his fists by his side, and tried remaining quiet until he felt the barrel of Neco-Arc’s borrowed pistol pressing up against the back of his head. “Damn It… So Much For [Client Confidentiality]...” Spamton muttered bitterly with his teeth grinding against one another, as he let out a defeated sigh before looking Noise in the eye. “The [STORE LOCATIONS] Of Every [GATEWAY, Inc.] From The Reality Marbles, [BACKSPACE] [$2.99] The [PIZZA CASTLE] Were [Download and Transfer Kromer In Link Below] Into My [358 ½ TERABYTES OF MEMORY AVAILABLE IN D:DRIVE] By [Number 1 Valued Customer] Himself. It Would [Bee Movie] [Crazy Low Prices] Of Me [$2.99] Try [Money Back Guarantee] [$2.99] Tell You Each [Sold Seperately] [$1.99], And Expect You [$2.99] Remember [HELP ME, HELP ME] Them [ALL FOR A LOW, LOW, LOW PRICE]...”

“... And [$2.99] Answer Your Other [Customer FAQ]... No, [Number 1 Rated Salesman1997] Don’t [The More You Know] Where The [It’s The Real McCoy!] [Number 1 Valued Customer] Is, If We’re [PICK UP THE PHONE TO SPEAK TO A LIVE REPRESENTATIVE] In [King Dragon Sends His Regards] [$2.99] The [Oh Where Oh Where] He Is [Inside Out (2015) Full Movie] The [PIZZA CASTLE],” Spamton replied with sparse moments of seriousness in his voice, in between his corrupted voice lines that kept interrupting his regular speech.

Taking a break from listening to the maddened words of the salesbot, Noise looked back up at Neco-Arc, who translated Spamton’s ramblings into a coherent summary of what he had said. According to what Neco-Arc understood, Spamton was given the location of every gateway within the Pizza Castle, as well as every reality marble within its halls by Pizzahead himself, and it would be impossible for him to tell them each location and expect them to individually be able to remember everything he’s said.

Not only that, but according to what Neco-Arc translated from Spamton’s second response to Noise’s other question, the salesbot didn’t know Pizzahead’s true location; as the only times he had ever interacted with the anthropomorphic pizza was through his mechas. 

Standing up from his stool, Noise tightened his grip around the handle of the black dagger as he raised it up to press its sharpened edge against Spamton’s porcelain throat. “Sounds to me like you’re no longer useful to us then, robot… And considering that you’re more of a liability than an asset to us, I think it’s time we wrap things up here, wouldn’t you say?” Noise asked sadistically with an evil grin forming across his curled lips, as he prepared himself to slice the salesbot neck clean open.

In the face of death, rather than trying to plead or bargain for his life, Spamton instead found himself laughing sinisterly himself; confusing both Noise and Neco-Arc, as he only saw an opportunity to “seal the deal”. “... Hahaha, ah… And then what, Jackass?! Roam these Godforsaken universes for the rest of eternity, while whoever’s controlling Pizzaface is free to follow through with whatever scheme they’ve got going for themselves?!” Spamton asked mockingly in a completely lucid voice; causing Neco-Arc to let out a gasp and accidentally drop the pistol.

Upon the pistol landing on the floor, it accidentally went and fired a round directly into Noise’s foot; causing him to drop the black dagger to the ground, as he raised his injured foot up to comedically grab it while hopping up-and-down on one foot. “ NAAAAOAIYAO!!! ” Noise shrieked out in a cartoonish fashion; alerting the men who had been talking upstairs. 

Not more than a second later, Peppino, Ren, and Chef Kawasaki came bursting through the basement door before sprinting down the stairs within less than a microsecond. Digging his powerful fingers into the corners of the walls that were on both sides of him, Peppino’s eyes bulged out of his head while he sported a shocked expression on his cartoonish face, as he stared bewilderingly at the odd scene before him. “T-THEO!!! I-a thought you-a said that you two were only-a going to-a scare him with those weapons! Not actually-a torture him with-a them!”

Already fuming with anger and pain, Noise snarled his pointed teeth at Peppino while he continued to hobble on one foot. “Up YOURS, Italian Man! Unlike you two fatasses, who were playing nurse, I was down here actually getting crap done! So EXCUUUUUUUSE ME if there was a change of plans, gnh! ” Noise shouted back in his defense.

Although Peppino had thick-skin and was used to hearing Noise’s vulgar insults and jabs, Chef Kawasaki was far more sheltered than the Italian chef, and was devastated by the way he had been not only yelled at, but insulted as well. Fighting off the tears that were welling up in his eyes, Chef Kawasaki was whimpering and clenching his jaw as everyone in the room turned their attention over to him. “W-Why would y-you say something l-like that…?! W-What do I ever do to you-ou-ou-oh wah, wah- WAHHHH!?!” The blubbering orange-blob cried out, before breaking into a fit of violent sobs as he turned around to look away from all the uncomfortable looks he was getting.

Silently, everyone in the room watched as Chef Kawasaki ran up the stairs leading from the basement, and kept crying loudly as he made his way upstairs to his bedroom; leaving behind a trail of tears, from how hard he had been cartoonishly crying the entire way up. Awkwardly, Noise stood on one foot while beginning to sweat as he noticed everyone casting disapproving stares his way.

“... One day, you will have to answer for your actions, and God may not be so merciful, ” Neco-Arc said in a low, dead-serious voice; dropping the feline way she spoke, and causing everyone in the room to look up at her with a unsettled feeling flourishing inside of them. After shaking her head rapidly, Neco-Arc’s silly demeanor returned as she blinked a few times before speaking once again. “ Nyaga~! You really upset Kawasaki-San, Noise-San…! You really oughta go up there and apologize to him; he’s a sensitive and good-hearted guy, and not to mention he’s part of the team!”

After brushing off the pain of getting his foot shot at, and bearing witness to the inner horrors that were dwelling inside of the usually silly cat-girl, Noise’s sassy attitude made him roll his eyes at Neco-Arc before he let out a scoff underneath his breath. “ Tch! We’ve already got ONE fatass that’s part of the team; there ain’t enough room for two of the-”

“-Theo. Apologize. Now,” Peppino interrupted in a stern voice, as he took a powerful step forward; his entire body emitting a bright white-colored aura, as lightning bolts began to dance around him. 

Knowing first hand what Peppino was capable of when he was genuinely mad, Noise begrudgingly glared daggers back at him before slumping his shoulders in defeat. “ Guh… You’re all too sensitive.. Fine. I’ll say sorry like a good little boy- Tch, ” Noise said in a grumpy voice, before putting his costume back on as he walked past Peppino and Ren to make his way upstairs.

Shaking his head in frustration, Peppino’s aura disappeared as he let out a heavy sigh. “Man… That-a guy can-a really be a handful sometimes… Gattina, could-a you please give Joker here his-a pieces back, please? We’ll-a be teaming up with-a him to stop-a Pizzahead, by the way,” Peppino informed, after politely making his request to the somewhat obedient cat-girl. "And yes, his name's actually-a "Joker"; or-a at least that's what he wants us to-a call him."

“ Buranyaa~! Aye, aye Boss!” Neco-Arc said enthusiastically with a salute, before quickly gathering Ren’s firearm and dagger from the floor. With the weapons scooped up in her small arms, Neco-Arc made her way toward Ren before reaching up to offer him his arsenal back. “Here ya go, Joker-Kun; we only used one bullet, and even then that was an accident!” 

Smiling back at Neco-Arc, Ren politely holstered his weapons back onto his person before speaking to her in their shared native language. “ Arigatō gozaimasu, Gattina-Chan. Anata wa watashi ni jibun no neko o yoku omoidasa semasu; kare mo hanasu koto ga dekimashita, ” Ren said gratefully, as he referenced to Neco-Arc about his own talking cat, Morgana.

Upon hearing Ren speaking to her in Japanese, Neco-Arc’s tail began wagging as her crimson eyes sparkled with joy. “ Buranyaa~! Nihongo o hanaseru hito to hanasu no wa tanoshīdesu. Soshite watashinonamaeha “Gattīnade” wa arimasen. Watashinonamaeha “Neko-Aruku, ” Neco-Arc corrected him in regards to what her actual name was, after telling Ren about how delighted she was to finally talk to someone else who spoke her language.

Not understanding what either of the two Japanese-speakers were talking about, Peppino decided to leave Ren with Neco-Arc to allow them to continue to chat with one another, while he approached the beaten salesbot who was eerily smiling at him. “Spamton… I’ve decided that it’s no longer-a in my best interest to-a sell you that-a chaos emerald after all. My new teammate there-a believes that it’s important for us to-a hold on to it; mentioned someone who-a had an AI daughter, who can-a locate where-a Pizzahead’s actual body is…”

“... I’m not going to-a hurt you; not unless you’re-a going to-a rat us out to-a Pizzahead, so… D-Don’t-a make me regret this-a decision, capchie?” Peppino said nervously, as he made his way behind the tortured salesbot, to begin untying him from the chair Noise had him bond to.

Letting out a bemused chuckle, Spamton looked over his shoulder at Peppino’s sweaty face as he slowly pulled his arms out of the loosened sausage-rope that had been used to keep him restrained. “[WOWIE, SANS] … You’re [FOR REAL LIFE] Letting Me Go…? [WHY GOD, WHY] ? What [Insert List of Product’s Pros and Cons Here] Does That [Buy One, Get One Free] You? Especially Considering That [Number 1 Enemy Of Subspace] Have Every Right [$2.99] Consider [Number 1 Rated Salesman1997] An [Competitor]?” Spamton asked with a genuine bit of confusion in his voice, as he turned around in his chair, toward where Peppino was still standing behind him.

“ Uh…? If-a that’s your funny computer-talk way of-a asking me why I’m-a letting you free, despite being Pizzahead’s arch nemesis, then, uh… Then I guess that-a my answer to-a you is that it’s just-a right thing to-a do, I suppose,” Peppino replied with a sincere tone of honesty in his voice, as he crossed his arms over the top of the chair’s wooden backrest. “Pizzahead took-a my friends away from-a me, and that much can-a be said about everyone else here as well… But that doesn’t-a mean I have any right to-a take you away from-a whoever’s waiting for you to come-a home to them; even if you are doing business-a with Pizzahead… Trust me, as a business owner myself, I get what desperation drives us to do…”

“... But even so, I-a think everyone deep down usually knows-a what the right-a thing to do is. It’s up to-a us to decide whether or not-a we chose to-a do those things; if not for ourselves, then for-a the ones who still believe in the good within us,” Peppino said as his departing words; leaving Spamton sitting alone in his chair, as he began walking back up stairs with Neco-Arc and Ren following closely behind him.

With the basement light left on for him, Spamton gazed down at the floor with his forced smile on his face betraying the true way he felt on the inside. Letting out a quiet sigh, the salesbot slowly raised his chin up, as he thought back to the “Hero of Light” who Peppino reminded him of. “... [Heaven], Are You Watching Me Now?” 

Chapter Text

At first, the thought of falling asleep for all of them seemed unobtainable, as each of them were dealing with their own anxious thoughts. But after having boxed up the remaining slices of deluxe pizza and eating whatever leftover ingredients were within Chef Kawasaki’s kitchen, the exhaustion they felt within them ended up being more powerful than the worries that they were all carrying with them. While everyone within the house began falling asleep on whatever spot they chose to occupy for the night, Peppino was seemingly the last one to begin drifting off to sleep.

Wondering about how Madeline was doing, and if it was truly possible to bring his friends and family back to life, along with getting them all back to their home universes and timelines, Peppino’s heavy eyelids were beginning to finally close shut when all of a sudden he heard soft footsteps approaching his side of the kitchen. “ Mmmph…? Gattina, is that-a you…? ” Peppino asked in a drowsy voice, before letting out a yawn as he slowly lowered his blanket while sitting up right in his makeshift bedding.

Sure enough, what Peppino saw standing in front of him was none other than the dimly lit silhouette of the quirky cat-girl herself; her face completely blacked out by the lack of lighting within the kitchen, save for the light leaking out through the blinds of the window above where the sink was. “Nyaga… Sorry if I woke you up, Boss. It’s just that I… I-I had a really bad dream, and uh… I-It really shook me up, and I… I-I couldn’t fall back asleep, so I figured that, uh… I-I don’t know… I’d go check on you,” Neco-Arc said in a quiet whisper; reminding Peppino that in spite of her bombastic and silly nature, she still somewhat had manners.

Letting out a tired-raspy whimper, Peppino rubbed the sleep out of his burning eyes before yawning quietly. “ Ahhhh-hhaaaaaa… You’re-a okay, Gattina… B-But if-a you don’t mind me asking, why would you-a check on me…? Did your-a nightmare have something to-a do with me…?” Peppino asked quietly, while ensuring a safe space for Neco-Arc by using a soft and understanding tone in his voice.

Not answering his question immediately, Neco-Arc remained silent for a few moments before Peppino noticed through the darkness that she was nodding her head at him. “Nyaaaa… Unfortunately, yeah; something… S-Something uh… S-Something b-bad happened in my dream, boss… S-Something really, umm… Bad,” Neco-Arc said with a dreadful tone behind her quiet whispers, as a shiver went up her back. 

Nodding his head softly while pausing for a brief moment to think of something to say, Peppino took in a soft breath of air before slowly exhaling it out through his lips. “Okay… Did you want to-a talk about it, Gattina…?” The Italian man asked, which prompted Neco-Arc to become silent for a brief moment of time, before finally slowly nodding her head once again. “Okay, well… Take-a your time, and try not-a to get overwhelmed by it, okay…? You’ve got-a my full attention, Gattina… ”

“ Nyaga… T-Thank you, Boss… I’ll try not to take too much of your time,” Neco-Arc whispered respectfully, before beginning to tell Peppino about the dream she had of them. Neco-Arc started off by informing Peppino that unlike everyone else who got slaughtered into photonic particles during Pizzahead’s raid, she herself wasn’t from the universe that contained the Moon Cell, but rather she was from a sister-universe that had her own dark-magic equivalent to what the super-computer was.

Her version of the Moon Cell was referred to as the “ Crimson Moon ”, and was essentially a deity who had given birth to a species of blood-sucking spirits who were practically gods themselves. His offspring, “ True Ancestors ” would later become the ones to create several different variations of “ Vampires ” who would become antagonized by humanity; especially those who were skilled in the arcane arts.

Although he found what Neco-Arc was telling him to be interesting to listen to, Peppino was still confused as to why she decided to tell him all of that. “I see… And does this-a have anything to-a do with your-a nightmare…?”

“ Nyaaa… The reason why I’m telling you all of this Boss, is because I want you to understand just how powerful the Crimson Moon is; it’s essentially everything that the Moon Cell’s AI was trying to be,” Neco-Arc whispered back in a hollow voice, before sighing softly. “Which is why I got really scared when I felt its dark-presence in my dreams… E-Except it wasn’t a celestial body anymore, it… It had blond hair, glowing red eyes, pale skin… It smiled at me, and… And told me that it knew who you were, Boss…”

“... It told me that it also knew what you were trying to do, and… A-And it was going to stop you from resetting the Moon Cell… B-By “ annihilating your existence ”, as it said,” Neco-Arc muttered uncomfortably with a stressed tone in her voice, while Peppino felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up with a strange sense of impending doom dwelling inside of him.

“Oh… Uhhhh… I-I guess I’ll-a stay clear of anyone with-a blond hair, red eyes and pale ski-… Ahhh, heh heh, ah… E-Except for you-a, Gattina,” Peppino chuckled quietly with an uneasiness to his voice, as he tried his best to lighten up the mood in the kitchen. “But, uh… In all-a seriousness, that-a was just a dream, right…? It-a wasn’t anything like-a some sort of-a prophecy or psychic vision, w-was it…?”

Shaking her head in response, Neco-Arc was able to use her nocturnal vision to see the look of relief coming over Peppino’s cartoonish face, after she had just reassured him. “ Nyaga~...! It was only a bad dream, I think Boss… It was honestly really scary, b-but still, it was just imaginary… Nyaaaa…! Must have been a manifestation of all the stress I’ve got up in my noggin; who would have known saving the multiverse would be this taxing, eh…?”

Chuckling softly at Neco-Arc crack at trying to lighten the mood with a joke as well, Peppino’s small smile began to fade softly, as the cat-girl’s words began to resonate with him. “Y-Yeah… With-a how crazy things have-a been lately, sometimes I-a keep forgetting just-a what’s really at-a stake here… Hopefully that Dr. Robotnick guy will-a know what to-a do, because I sure as Hell don’t…” Peppino said with a heavy breath, as he slowly lowered himself back down on top of his makeshift bedding.

Having been consoled by the exhausted man before her, Neco-Arc felt guilty over the idea of turning tail and leaving things as they were. So instead of simply telling Peppino goodnight, Neco-Arc made her way over to the Italian man’s side before curling up in a ball next to him; pressing her back up against the side of his torso.

‘ ... What is she doing? Does she think she’s an actual cat, or what? ’ Peppino thought bewilderingly to himself, as he continued to look up blindly through the darkness, toward the direction of where the ceiling above was, as he began to hear Neco-Arc’s pur-like snores as she started to drift off to sleep. ‘ ... I’m not really sure what to do right now. Should I move, leave her be, or- Oh wait, here it comes, ’ Peppino thought to himself, as he opened his jaw before letting out an elongated and sleepy yawn. 

Finding himself becoming sleepier than he had been before Neco-Arc came walking into the kitchen, Peppino’s eyelids were closing by themselves as he found himself unable to feel burdened by any of the worries that had been swarming around in his anxious-ridden head; the comforting presence of the small cat-girl snuggling up to him alone was almost as therapeutic as spending quality time with his family was. ‘ Ah, Madeline… Wonder how she’s doing with Noisette? Wonder what she’ll say, once I bring her a slice of that “Deluxe Pizza” that Kawasaki and I made together… She’ll probably love it… ’ 

When dawn came, Noise came running upstairs with a pot and pan to begin obnoxiously banging them together as hard as he could. “ WAKE ME UP!!! WAKE ME UP INSIDE— I CAN’T WAKE UP!!! SAVE MEEEEEE!!! SAVE ME FROM THE NOTHING THAT I’VE BEC- NAAAAOAIYAO!?! ” Noise shrieked in agony, as he was suddenly tackled to the ground by a very, very grumpy man’s even grumpier persona. 

Having dived at faster than light speed, Arsene had his sharp-boot pressed down against the annoying costumed man’s neck, as he stood up while fixing his phantasmic outfit. “Heavens above, man! S'il te plait ferme ta gueule— silence that racket at once, you little ruffian!” Arsene scolded in his French accent, as he glared down menacingly at the small man beneath him.

Despite having what was essentially a knife pressed up against his exposed jugular, Noise defiantly retaliated against his French oppressor by trying to raise his pot and pan up to bang them together out of spite. Luckily for him, Ren had gotten up by then, and was quick to pull the makeshift instruments out of his gloved grasp. “ Aaaaaand that’s enough of that, Noise,” Ren said with a tired voice, before walking out of the dining room.

Making sure not to step on either Peppino or Neco-Arc, Ren made his way through the kitchen to place the pot and pan back on the stove before beginning to raid the cabinets. “ Tch…! What kind of restaurant doesn’t serve coffee…?! Better yet, what sort of lunatic can go a morning WITHOUT at least ONE cup to start his morning off…?! ” Ren muttered frustratingly to himself, before letting out a defeated sigh, after having checked the entire kitchen for any traces of coffee beans. “ Ugh… This won’t do; this won’t do at all…! ”

“Hmm? What-a won’t do, Joker?” Peppino asked in a relaxed voice, as he watched Ren turn around to stare back at him and Neco-Arc stretching with a slightly embarrassed look on his face.

“ Oh, um… M-My apologies, S-Spaghetti-Senpai, I shouldn't have spoken while you were still sleeping, hehe, ” Ren chuckled softly, while having to fight off the urge to smile amusingly after having just used the proper honorific with Peppino.

‘ I shouldn’t have told this kid what my last name was. “ Spaghetti-Senpai ” just sounds plain dumb, ’ Peppino thought to himself with a small smirk across his lips, as he pushed the blankets off of him before rising up to his feet. “Oh don’t-a worry Joker, you’re-a fine; after all, you-a weren’t the pint-sized-a asshole who woke me up-a this morning,” Peppino said half-jokingly, as Neco-Arc began to do her morning stretching exercises next to him.

Nodding his head agreeingly, Joker began walking over to Peppino as he shrugged his shoulders. “It’s to be expected though, I suppose… I mean, his name is “ Noise ” after all; it’d be counter intuitive if he didn’t live up to his alias in one way or the other,” Ren mused jokingly, before frowning a bit as he gave a side-eye glare toward the door leading back into the dining area. “Although, it sure would have been nice if he chose to give an example at a much later time in the day…” 

“ Nyaga, nyaaa~? Hey, if that’s how that sort of name-thingy works, how come you aren’t cracking funny jokes, Joker? Shouldn’t you be dressed as a clown, or jester, or something silly like that?” Neco-Arc asked sincerely, as she began walking away from Peppino and towards the refrigerator. 

Watching the cat-girl become visibly disappointed with how little food there was left inside of the refrigerated shelves, Ren frowned at the back of her head with an unamused look in his eye. “I didn’t give myself the name “ Joker ”; it was a code name assigned to me by my cat… I… I’m now just realizing how ridiculous that actually sounds out loud when I say it, but… T-The point is that I was given that name because I’m what you would refer to as a “ Wild Card '' of the sort; I can fit whatever role I need to fit, in order to change fate as I see fit,” Ren explained, while blushing as he suddenly began to feel self-conscious about his monologue.

“ Nyaga… Did your cat tell you that too?” Neco-Arc asked genuinely, while she and Peppino watched as Ren immediately looked away to hide his reddening face.

“... S-Sort of, yeah… He did,” Ren replied back quietly, before raising his closed fist up to pretend to cough into his closed hand. “Ahem, so, ahh…! So, umm…! A-Are you two ready to help me deliver the emerald to Robotnick-Hakase?” Ren asked as he changed the subject, while wanting to get a move on during the daylight hours.

Nodding his head as he popped his back, Peppino began cracking his knuckles in anticipation as he felt ready to greet what the Subspace Army had in store for him. “So long as-a this resets the reality marble, and-a gets us back to-a the Pizza Castle, then I’m-a ready for anything!” Peppino said enthusiastically, as he gave Ren a confident thumbs up before beginning to round up Noise, Arsene and Chef Kawasaki.

Since there was so much diversity within the streets of New Donk City, Peppino and company didn’t feel the need to disguise themselves; save for Ren, who felt paranoid enough to slip into his student outfit that he had brought with him. In order to fit in with the crowds of people and other spices that were making their commute along the sidewalks, all five of them avoided stepping away from the crowds of pedestrians that were blending into, and made sure to evade the occasional flying Subspace entities that were patrolling the skies.

Amongst the entities that were flying through the open spaces between the city’s bountiful number of skyscrapers were grotesque fish-like beings that had a giant singular eye for a face, and five tentacles dragging behind their pink-scaled bodies. The “ Feyeshs ” as Ren dubbed them, were what had alerted the Subspace Army of his group of friends the night prior to their morning.

“ That’s why I wanted to come out when it was daylight outside, Spaghetti-Senpai: we need to see them, before they see us, ” Ren explained quietly, as all five of them were forced to retreat into a nearby business the moment that a fleet of feyeshs came too close toward their location outside. 

Clenching his non-existing fingers into a stubby fist, Chef Kawasaki gritted his teeth as he used his other short arm to peer through the shaded blinds of the fast food restaurant’s storefront window that he was standing near. “ Grr…! I’m gonna put some dirt in their eyes…!” The orange-blob said as threateningly as his goofy voice could allow him to sound.

Grabbing Chef Kawasaki by his love handle, Noise pulled the orange-blob away from the blinds before taking a peek for himself. “You’ll have your chance to put the wallop on them, bub; I’m sure of it… Although, judging by the fact that there’s a crap-load of them outside right now, IIIIIII really think that you outta hold off on putting the hurt on them, Kawasaki,” Noise pointed out; prompting Peppino to pull the costumed man away before he and Ren both took their turn peeking through the window.

“ Santa Maria…! There’s-a hundreds of them outside! One of them must have-a saw us, but didn’t get a good enough-a look to-a alert the rest of their goons,” Peppino thought aloud for the others to hear, as he heard Ren letting out a stressed-out groan underneath his breath.

“ Damn it all…! Looks like we’re going to have to find another way out of the city… But how, is the question,” Ren muttered to his group, before both and Peppino were surprised the moment they felt Neco-Arc climbing up on their backs.

Planting her feet on top of their shoulders, Neco-Arc stood between their heads as she took her turn looking through the blinds as well. “ Burenyuu~! Why don’t we just ask that sweaty chick up front if there’s a backdoor exit to this joint? Noise-San and I saved her butt last night; surely she feels indebted to us,” Neco-Arc mused, as she hoped down onto the ground so that both Peppino and Ren could turn around toward where the aforementioned woman was looking back at them with a look of dread on her face.

Seeing the young fast-food worker cursing under her breath as he and his crew came up to her register, Peppino tried smiling at the nervous-wreck who wasn’t at all looking grateful to see either Neco-Arc or Noise with him. “Uh… Buongiorno! My little friend-a here said that she-a recognized you from last night! She also said that-a you might be willing to-a… Do us a small-a favor,” Peppino said with a slightly awkward smile on his face, while wondering whether or not it was a mistake talking to her.

Swallowing back the lump in her throat, the young Japanese woman took in a shallow breath before mustering up the nerve to speak. “S-Sir… This is a, uh… T-This is a Wendy’s, and uh… I-I’m not feeling comfortable right now being near those two… Especially t-that one,” the young woman said nervously, as she pointed a finger over to where Noise was standing.

Having been minding his own business, Noise suddenly snapped out of his own thoughts as he stared back at the young woman with an appalled expression on his masked face. “ WHAT?!? HOW?!? I’m the guy who saved your ungrateful ass! While the freakin’ cat went out to Starbucks, I was the one who fought a freakin’ thirty-foot Transformer-knock for you! H-How am I the bad guy here?!” Noise shouted, as he pushed Ren aside to hop onto the front counter. 

Terrified by the murderous-uncanny look that was on the costumed man’s face, the young woman was fighting off the urge to have a panic attack, as she began violently quaking in her shoes. “ Y-Y-Y-Youuuuu w-w-were g-g-g-g-gonna l-l-l-let me d-d-d-i-i-e…! ” The horrified woman stuttered out with her eyes beginning to water.

In that moment, Noise dropped his evil-cartoonish expression, and instead became thoughtful as he began rubbing his chin. “... Oh yeeeeaaaahhhh , huh? Oh! You’re right! I was gonna let that hunk-of-junk waste ya! Saving ya really was completely unintentional, wasn’t it~?” Noise mused with a happy smile forming on his face, as he hopped off of the counter while receiving judgemental stares from the rest of his party. “Fair enough, kid! Go back to pointing that finger at me; but not too long though! I might bite it of- OW!!! ”

“That’s enough out-a of you, Noise! Behave yourself,” Peppino scolded with an cartoonish look of anger and annoyance on his mustached face, after he had just got done smacking Noise in the back of the head. Grinning apologetically with a desperate look in his eyes, Peppino turned his attention back up to the young woman, who had taken a step back while contemplating on whether to run away or not. “I’m-a so sorry, young lady! P-Please, the rest of us mean-a very well, and are on a mission to-a save the day from-a those Subspace goons outside! Please, c-can you just-a let us through-a the back exit? We’ll-a be out of your hair after-a that in-a no time, I promise!”

Although she was still trembling and visibly uncomfortable with all five of them being there with her, there was a slight shift in her expression upon hearing Peppino mentioning the vague purpose of their altruistic mission. “... W-What do you mean by “ save the day ”?” She asked with an almost intrigued look on her sweaty face, to which prompted Peppino and the rest of his friends to all briefly explain how they were going to escape from the city, to meet up with a resistance movement being led by a genius scientist who had discovered a way to reset the reality marble they were in, and about how their end-game goal was to liberate the multiverses from the Subspace Army, so as to put everything back to the way it was meant to be.

By the time that Peppino and his party had finished briefing the young woman about their goal to save all of existence from whatever goal that a sentient pizza was pursuing, the line behind them had grown out past the door with angry customers; all of which were either impatiently looking at her with expecting eyes, or saying passive aggressive words out loud about how bad the service was. “I… I see… So what you’re saying is that if you guys succeed with… With all of that stuff, then my friends… They’ll come back alive? They won’t be statues, or trophies anymore…?” The young woman asked with a look of resolution building up in her eyes.

“ Nyaga~! Yeah, that’s pretty much the gist,” Neco-Arc replied casually, while Peppino, Chef Kawasaki and Ren were beginning to grow antsy from the aggressive crowd behind them. 

Frowning as she narrowed her eyes at the woman who was shouting at her to see a manager, the young woman nodded her head cynically while slowly reaching up to grab a hold of her red baseball cap’s brim. “I see… Okay. I’ll help you guys out then.”

Letting out a heavy sigh of relief, Peppino began laughing out nervously as he and the rest of his party were happy over the fact that they weren’t going to have to stay in that cramped fast-food joint for much longer. “ Oh thank God! Alright, so uh, do we-a follow you, or-?”

“-On one condition! Ummmm…! Y-You guys have to let me join y-you!” The young woman tried demanding as best as her low confidence would allow her, after having interrupted Peppino before he could finish asking her his question. “As crappy as my life was back then, this new one is WAY worse than I used to have it, s-so…! I-I’ll be fighting with you to get back home, o-okay?!”

Chuckling cynically, Noise had a wide-grin on his face as he hopped back onto the sweating woman’s counter. “Aw geez kid! As amazing and irresistible as that offer sounds, I think we’re gonna pass on it!” Noise said sarcastically, while getting a kick out of the wide-eyed look the red-faced woman was beginning to give him. “Yeah, ya see, we can’t have some stupid little poverty-stricken dumbass kid following behind us, like some sob-story lost-puppy! So you’ll just have to kick rocks, and stand in the unemployment line like every other loser who eats at- GNNH?! ”

Being reminded once again what pushing a nervous-wreck beyond their limits does for him, Noise’s entire body was crushed in her powerful hand like a crumpled-up piece of paper, as she lifted him off of her counter to bring him closer to her terrifying glowing yellow-eyes. “ RAAAAGHHH!!! @#$%ING INSULT ME ONE MORE @#$%ING TIME, YOU LITTLE @#$%ING DOMINOS WANNABE, AND I’LL RIP YOUR @#$%ING HEAD OFF YOUR PUNY LITTLE @#$%ING BODY!!! DO YOU @#$%ING HEAR ME, YOU LITTLE @#$%ING @#$%@#?!?! ” The young woman screamed on the top of her lungs, as the whole entire building around her began to shake violently as light-bulbs began popping one-by-one.

Had anyone felt inclined to save Noise from the pissed off woman’s fury, they would have stepped in, but instead only Peppino and his four other companions remained in the ruined fast-food restaurant, as every other customer and employee began flooding out through the front door. Looking up at the heaving woman, who was staring daggers into Noise’s anxious eyes, Neco-Arc remained unphased by her violent and unholy outburst, and simply turned around toward where Peppino was standing to smile back at him with a confident look on her cartoonish face.

“ Buranyuu~! Yeah Boss, I say we take her with us! She seems fun!” Neco-Arc chimed in optimistically, while the young woman in question used her other hand to turn the screaming costumed man into a ball, before tossing him back on the floor where he was once standing.

Quietly insulting Noise under her breath, the young woman began to calm down as she tossed her apron and cap off of her body. “Good… I-I’m glad we’re all onboard with that… My name’s uh… My name’s Higashiyama Kobeni, uh… G-Glad to be on the team, I guess,” Kobeni said nervously, as her anxiety came back in the absence of her devil-fury. “ Uh… I-If you guys don’t mind, uh… C-Can you follow me, please? I’ll get us out of here without being caught by those weird eye-things outside.”

Although none of them were pushovers when it came down to it, no one in Peppino’s group wanted to risk invoking Kobeni’s wrath; especially after seeing what she had done to Noise. So with Neco-Arc being the one to pick up the crumpled costume man off of the floor, she began folding him back into his normal shape using an origami-folding technique while following behind the rest of her allies, as Peppino and the others were led through the kitchen, and out through back into a covered alley.

And even though the concrete bridge connecting the two rooftops over their heads was enough to prevent them from being spotted by the swarm of patrolling Feyeshes, there weren't many options for them to leave the area without going out into the open. Taking the lead while Kobeni stood behind him, Peppino began looking around their surroundings for an escape route, and it was then that he noticed the familiar looking salebot that was standing beside the dumpster out back.

“... Spamton?! What are you-a doing near the trash?” Peppino asked with a confused tone in his voice, as Kobeni tapped her finger tips nervously together.

“Good Morning [Number 1 Enemy Of Subspace] !!! [Your Ol’ Pal] Wasn’t Expecting [$2.99] See You And Your [Groupon Value of $100] So Soon!” Spamton said enthusiastically, as he made his way over to Peppino before turning his attention over toward where Kobeni was standing. “Ah, [Valued Business Associate] ! Is This A [Two-For-One Deal] ?!?”

Smiling uneasily at the salesbot, Kobeni flashed a peace sign at Spamton as she laughed nervously under her breath. “ Y-Yeah, haha, uh… I’m g-gonna help them save the multiverse, or whatever, so… C-Can you do us a favor, and help us get out of the city undetected, Spamton-San? W-We really, really need to get out of this area, and fast…!” Kobeni stressed, which prompted Spamton to begin rubbing his porcelain chin while humming to himself.

“Hmmmm… While Normally [Number 1 Rated Salesman1997] Wouldn’t Give [CLICK THE LINK TO WIN A FREE IPHONE] Assistance [$2.99] My [Valued Customers]... But Since [Number 1 Enemy Of Subspace] And [Valued Business Associate] Have Treated Me [Well, Well, Well] [SINCE YOU’VE BEEN GONE] I’ve Been In This Reality Marble… [Your Ol’ Pal] Will Stick His Neck Out For You [$2.99]; [THIS JUST IN] [Once In A Lifetime Deal], Got It?” Spamton shouted, to which made both Kobeni and Neco-Arc— the only two in the group who understood what he was saying— smile back gratefully at him.

“T-Thank you, Spamton-San! W-We would all very much appreciate whatever it is you can do for us,” Kobeni said with an uneasy smile across her sweaty face, as she and Neco-Arc both gave the salesbot a bow of respect.

“ [Ladies Night Out] , [Ladies Night Out] ! Please! You’re Going [$2.99] Make [Number 1 Rated Salesman1997] Blush Like A Tomato [Organic Produce, Now 5% Off With Purchase of $50 Gift Card] ,” Spamton chuckled bashfully, before pointing a thumb back at the green dumpster that he had been using as his store. “Now Hop On In Fellas, [Your Ol’ Pal] Will [Transport And Shipping] You All [Out of Stock] New Donk City… In [STYLE] !!!” Spamton shouted with determination in his corrupted voice, as everyone except Neco-Arc and Noise became disgusted at what they were going to have to do out alive.

“ NYAAA~!!! I CALL SHOTGUN!!! ” Neco-Arc shouted with a manic look on her derpy face, before punching Noise in the groin in order to get a head start toward the dumpster. And while the costumed man was screaming in agony, the unhinged cat-girl was mumbling incoherently to herself, as she crawled along the side of the metal trash bin, before diving into the rancid pit of garbage that awaited them all. 

Chapter Text

With no one willing to fight her for the “passenger front seat”, Neco-Arc was sitting comfortably on a pile of black garbage bags as Spamton himself took the helm of the green dumpster; his long-nosed face smiling brightly, as stared blankly at the inside wall of the bin in front of him. “[Ready Now, Ready Now] [$2.99] Be Impressed! What [You All] [Are You Ready Kids???] About [$2.99] Witness Is The [Brilliant Power Of Premium Cyber World Engineering]! Hey [Number 1 Rated Chef In CappyTown], Are You Feeling [Comfort Unlike You’ve Ever Experienced] Down There?”

Having been chosen by the salesbot to act as his driver’s side seat, Chef Kawasaki gave Spamton an uneasy smile as he raised his stubby orange-arm up to try mimicking a thumbs up at him. “I… I think something’s crawling on my foot, and there’s some gross wet puddle of warm-”

“-[Customer Satisfaction Guaranteed], [Number 1 Rated Salesman1997] Glad [$2.99] Hear It!  And How About You, [Number 1 Rated Enemy Of Subspace]? [Are You Ready Kids???] For Your [Physic-Defying Calves] [Ready Now, Ready Now] To [Remix To Ignition, Poppin Fresh Out The Kitchen] This Immaculate Dumpster?!” Spamton asked enthusiastically, as he turned his head one-hundred and eighty degrees around to look back at Peppino.

With the help of Noise’s engineering skills and whimsical tools, there was a hole cut into the back of the dumpster that was just large enough for Peppino to stick his legs out of the bottom plate of the bin; his shoes touching the asphalt below. Blinking back with a bewildered and nervous look on his face, Peppino for once wasn’t the only one sweating in the humid and rancid filled air of the green bin. “ Ah…?! I-I think you’re-a asking whether or not I’m-a ready to move this hunk-of-junk “ Fred Flintstone Style ”?” Peppino asked uneasily.

“[WINNER WINNER WINNER]!!!” Spamton replied while playing a corrupted voice clip from what everyone in the dumpster could only presume to be from a generic game show. “And [Now For The Lightning Round] [Onboard Navigator], Are You [Ready, Setty]???”

Having been referred to as Spamton's “ onboard navigator ”, Ren was breathing through the sleeve of his black-blazer, trying to use its heavy cotton fabric to filter out the foul stretches that were fermenting inside the dumpster with them. “ Gwuah, urgh…! Oh God, it’s awful here…! I-I mean, uh…! Y-Yes, S-Spamton-S- AAAN- GLUGH!!! ” Joker gagged out; almost hurling up the contents of his stomach, as he confirmed that his persona was ready to manipulate the wheels of the dumpster, in whichever way Spamton turned the “ wheel ” of the repurposed baby toy that he was using as a steering wheel that he had sitting in front of him, and on top of Chef Kawasaki’s round stomach. 

“[Thank You For Your Feedback], [Number 1 Rated Phantom Thief]!!!” [Auxiliary Cord Supports], Are You Ready [$2.99] [Kick Ass And Chew Bubblegum]???” Spamton asked, as he turned his attention from the suffering young man toward where his two gunners were.

While Kobeni sat to the left of Peppino with Ren’s pistol in her hand, Noise was using a dirty rag he had found from the piles of garbage around him to polish the barrels of his minigun; giving the salesbot a cartoonish look of badass-confidence, similar to that of an eighties action star. “She weighs one hundred fifty kilograms, and fires two hundred dollar, custom-cured sausages at ten thousand links per minute… Yeah, “ Sasha ” and I are good to go,” Noise replied with a cocky voice, while Kobeni simply gave Spamton an anxious peace sign to signal that she too was ready.

“Then Hold Onto Your [PIPIS], And [Don’t Touch That Dial], Because The Next Stop Won’t Be Until We Reach The [Beautiful And All Exclusive] Emerald Coast [Adventure Is Out There]!!!” Spamton declared with a maddened laugher, as he honked the horn of his toy steering wheel to signal for everyone to go.

Hearing Peppino’s feet beginning to hit the pavement as Arsene remained invisible as took his spot behind the sideways facing dumpster, it was then that Chef Kawasaki suddenly thought of something important. “... Hey wait a second, wasn’t the point of this whole mission supposed to be us being stealthy…? How inconspicuous can a dumpster moving faster than the speed of sound b- EEEE, YEEOOOOWWW!!! ” The orange-blob screamed fearfully, as the sudden change of g-force caused him to experience an out-of-body moment.

Powered by Peppino’s Italian anxiousness and rage, the small wheels of Spamtom’s dumpster skirted and burnt rubber as it zoomed out of the alleyway, clocking at supersonic speeds. Needless to say, Chef Kawasaki’s interrupted critique ended up coming true, as the sea of Feyeshs that had been blocking out the sun above the city block immediately caught sight of the runaway dumpster, and began swimming downward in the air toward it. 

Hyperventilating as he mentally relayed Spamton’s wheel movements to his persona, Ren was fighting back the urge to vomit as he lowered his sleeve to speak clearly. “Found us…! T-They found us, the Feye- GRRK!!! ” Ren managed to choke out, before immediately raising his sleeve back up to help him ventalie the rotten stench around him, tapping the top of the dumpster instead, as a way to further stress that they were being targeted.

“[Auxiliary Cord Supports] !!! Now Your Chance To Be A [BIG SHOT]!!!” Spamton shouted with a maddened laughter, as he aggressively held on tightly to the plastic steering wheel, blindly driving them on the wrong side of the road, as he used his own corrupted sense of direction to guide them through the streets of New Donk City.

Silently saying a prayer under her breath, Kobeni took in a deep breath of rancid air before standing up from where she had been squatting. Pushing open the top flap of the dumpster, Kobeni let out a terrified shriek as she raised her firearm up to fire several rounds into the massive eye of the Subspace abomination who had managed to almost get close enough to their dumpster to hit it with its five tendrils.

While Kobeni was firing shot-after-shot from Ren’s unlimited supply of ammo, Neco-Arc figured now would be a better time than any to play some music from her iPod. Taking her outdated device out from her skirt, along with a wired portable speaker that she had won in a hot-dog eating contest, the cat-girl was unphased by the sound of screaming and loud gunfire, as Noise began manically firing his minigun into the crowds of Feyeshs, along with Kobeni. 

“ NYAGAAAA~!!! DÉJÀ VU!!! I'VE JUST BEEN IN THIS PLACE BEFORE!!! HIGHER ON THE STREET, AND I KNOW IT'S MY TIME TO GOOOOOO!!!” Neco-Arc screamed on the top of her lungs, as she began to obnoxiously sing to her dumpster-captive audience. Along with Neco-Arc’s off-key musical screams, Spamton sounded distorted as he laughed hysterically over the sound of Noise’s ear-shattering minigun, all while Ren was constantly gagging as Kobeni was shrieking with a maddened look of panic on her sweaty face.

Needless to say, the anxious and manic Italian man was more than a bit envious of Chef Kawasaki, who had already passed out from overstimulation alone. ‘ Santa Maria! This must be what Hell feels like! ’ Peppino thought to himself with nothing but dread and boiling rage inside of him, as he was beginning to turn red from how angry and annoyed he was getting with how loud everyone within the dumpster was. 

Being motivated to get himself out of the dumpster as quickly as possible, Peppino gripped his fingers into the base of the metal bin; crushing it underneath his powerful fingers, as he pushed himself to run faster-and-faster, until he was able to outpace the Feyeshs by reaching a consistent speed of mach ten. Even though he had managed to escape not only the city limits of New Donk City, but the pursuing Subspace Army as well, Peppino’s boiling rage was unrelentingly aggravated by his still loud teammates; most were screaming because of how fast they were all going.

“HOLY SHIT, WE’RE GONNA CRASH!!! WE’RE GONNA CRASH!!”

“CALLING YOU, AND THE SEARCH IS A MYSTERY!!! STANDING ON MY FEET, IT'S SO HARD WHEN I TRY TO BE ME, NYAAAA~!!!”

“WOAG!!!”

“NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A [BIG SHOT] !!! BE A BIG, BE A BIG, BE A [BIG SHOT]!!!”

“ G-Grrk…! L-Ladies and Gentlemen…! E-Excuse me; I-I believe I’m going to vomit now…”

“OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE 1965 FIAT ALL OVER AGAIN!!!”

“DÉJÀ VU!!! I ONLY KNOW THE CHORUS TO THIS SONG!!!”

“Oh God… O-Oh God, I-I can’t hold it anym -GURK, GLURK!!! ”

“[CLEAN UP ON AISLE SIX]!!!”

“ NAAAAOAIYAO!!! YOU F-FREAKIN’ SICK-BASTARD!!! YOU YAKED ALL OVER MY FREAKIN’ COSTUME!!!”

“ G-Gomennasai , N-Noise-San, guhhh… ”

“ Oh my God…! It got on my skirt… Oh dear God, it’s staining; I-I can’t afford to replace this…! ”

“SHUT IT, JOKER!!! YOU CAN STICK YOUR JAP-OLOGY UP YOUR ASS, FOR ALL I CARE!!! But in all seriousness, if you really want to make it up to me, perhaps then I could interest you in spending your hard-earned Pizza Points on some “Noise NFTs”~?”

“N… NFTs? I… I don’t know what those are, Noise-San.”

“WE’RE NYAAAAA STRANGERS TO LOOOOOOVE~!!!”

“NFTs…??? [Number 1 Rated Jackass] , I May Be A [Recalled For Choking Hazard] , But Even I Know How To [RIGHT CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW] ... Besides [Number 1 Rated Phantom Thief] , [PIPIS] Is Where The [Kromer] Is A-”

“- EYAAAOOOWWWHH!!! I CAN’T-A TAKE IT ANYMOOOOOORRRREEE!!! SHUT-A ALL YOUR MOUTHS UP, NOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!!!” Peppino shrieked in blind fury from the bottom of his lungs, as his Italian aura illuminated the inside of the metal bin with how brightly it was emanating from his body. With the same effectiveness that his supertaunts had, everyone within the crowded and rancid dumpster had all immediately closed their yaps, and were staring back at Peppino with shocked expressions on their faces.

With only the sound of the dumpster’s wheels and his feet colliding with the asphalt below, Peppino’s overwhelmed mind was finally able to have room to think, as he did his best to envision a feather in front of him as everyone slowly went back to doing their assigned roles. Breathing exclusively through his mouth, Peppino gave a heavy-sigh as he began to calm down from his spout of pent-up rage. “I’m-a sorry for-a losing my temper, everyone… It-a was getting kind-a of too crazy in here for my liking,” Peppino apologized, while still sounding a bit stressed out as Spamton continued to navigate their dumpster along the vast highway leading out of New Donk City.

“That’s [Satisfactory] , [Number 1 Rated Subspace Enemy] . You [The More You Know~!] , [Number 1 Rated Salesman1997] Was Going [$2.99] Say Something About How Loud You Were All Being Too, So I Get It,” Spamton said as empathetic as he could, which prompted Neco-Arc to speak up as well.

“ Nyaga~...! I wasn’t going to say anything, because you guys are my homies and all, but yeah… You all really were getting on my nerves too; that’s why I kept turning the volume louder, it was to drown out your screams and stuff.”

“... Had not every breath I needed to take been filled with the wretched stench of rotten beef and moldy fries, then I would have politely requested that we all try to keep the volume down to a minimum,” Ren spoke with a pale-looked on his face, before raising his arm back up to breathe through the fabric of his black sleeve.

“Yeah, you guys were annoying the crap out of me! Me personally? I was about twelve seconds away from shooting this trash-heap up with my piece,” the costumed man admitted shamelessly, as he shook his minigun at Ren before lowering it down on the floor of the dumpster.

“S-Same, heh hehe…! Uhh… ” Kobeni chuckled awkwardly, as she subtly lowered her hand from where she had been secretly aiming her pistol at the back of Noise’s head. 

With everyone having aired their grievances, the entire group seemed to begin moving on from how stressful the chase had been; as even Neco-Arc was willing to turn her music off, all for the sake of allowing everyone else in the dumpster with her to have a moment of peace. Regardless of how fast they were bobbing and weaving through all the different forms of wheeled vehicles on the networks of seemingly never-ending freeways with them, everyone was more-or-less enjoying the silence as Spamton drove surprisingly safe for how quickly Peppino’s legs were carrying them.

With the top of the dumpster opened up, even the rancid smell began to subside, allowing for Ren to finally lower his sleeve down, as lifted his chin up to take a gasp of fresh air. “Ooooh… That’s much better,” the young man sighed with a small smile forming on his lips, as he turned his attention over to the back of their driver’s head full of slicked-back hair. “Spamton-San, with how hectic it was assigning roles and getting into place inside of here, I forgot to ask earlier, but… How do you know where we’re goin- What the Hell was tha-”

“-[REMEMBER ME] When [Number 1 Rated Salesman1997] Told You All How [Your Ol’ Pal] Downloaded [Data Contained Within Photonic Particles] From An Algorithm [YOUTUBE DOT COM] That I Used To Extract [Confidential Information] For [Item Value Input Here] ? Yeah, [Your Ol’ Pal] Also [Download Link Below] The Maps For Every Reality Marble Too; Completely By Accidents [Lawyer Up, And Call Now] ,” Spamton interrupted with a dreading tone in his voice, as he began to stir violently to avoid the vehicles that were beginning to explode right-and-left beside him. “Yeah Well, [Your Ol’ Pal] Wasn’t The Only One Who [ILLEGALLY] Downloaded Data From The [Divine Automatic Recording Device] ! And Speaking Of Accidents [FILE YOUR CLAIM DOWN BELOW] — Dear God In [Sweden], We’re About To Be In One!”

Confused as everyone else, save for Spamton and Ren, who knew exactly what was about to happen, Peppino felt his heart racing as he instinctively slammed his heels down into the asphalt, in order to break. “W-WAIT-A, WHAT?!?” Peppino asked in a panicked voice, as he watched in horror as Spamton turned his head back around to stare him in the eye, as their dumpster began to spin out of Arsene’s control.

“... You Might Want To Want Close Your Eyes For This Next Par-”

“ -EXCALIBUUUUUURRRRR!!! ” A thunderous woman’s voice echoed from what sounded like it was coming from up just up the road, before suddenly their entire dumpster exploded into scattered particles that sent them all flying out in different directions. 

Clenching his jaw shut as his entire body and soul felt like they were combusted, Peppino vision was blinded by a glorious yellow light, as his propelled body remained airborne for almost a full minute straight before finally colliding against something that felt soft, yet hardy. Lightheaded and having had the wind knocked out of him, it took Peppino several moments to regain his bearings before being able to see past his blurred vision.

Due to having been trapped in a dumpster like everyone else, Peppino wasn’t made aware of just how beautiful the green-grassy hills surrounding the freeway that they had been driving down, as the sun just above the blue overcast sky casted the large shadows of the sky over the hilly mountains around him. 

‘ This reminds me of all the times I used to drive out to the coast… It always baffled me just how breath-taking the scenery always was; sometimes surpassing the ocean and beach themselves, ’ Peppino thought to himself while still feeling disoriented, as he writhed in pain within the large crater that he had made upon crashing landing into one of the many grassy hills that he had been admiring over the blazing fires on the freeway.

Having seen the black-armored woman immediately after Spamton had interrupted him, Ren had been able to recall Arsene at his side in order to guard the holy-damage brought on by the fallen knight’s accursed blade. Unfortunately, despite having survived what would have been an otherwise instant-death move, Ren was left severely injured where he had landed on the freeway. Laying down on his back, the young Japanese man tried to get up from the asphalt beneath him, but only managed to get half-ways up before he felt a metal boot colliding into his ribcage.

Kicked back onto the ground hard enough to hit the back of his head against the road, Ren let out a painful grunt as he immediately called upon his persona to defend him. Arsene immediately manifested above the out-of-breath man, and attempted to fight off the blond woman with the black visor, but was almost immediately blitzed by how unfathomably fast she swung her corrupted sword. With Arsene too damaged to remain in his physical form, the persona had no other choice but to retreat back into Ren’s mind; leaving the young man by himself, as the blond woman pinned him down by pressing the boot of her boot down on his chest.

Looking down at him with a stone-faced and remorseless expression behind her black-and-purple visor, the fallen knight was able to ignore the cries for help around her; all of which were coming from the families who were laying out on the road with them. “This chase has gone on for far too long... Surrender the emerald to me, and I shall spare your life,” the fallen knight said in a cold voice, as she pressed the tip of her blackened blade against Ren’s throat. “... Do not make me ask you twice.”

“S-Saber…!” Ren muttered out with his teeth bared at the woman over him, as his mind quickly thought of a way out of the deadly standoff. “I… I don’t have the emerald anymore; I already handed it off to someone e- ENGH!?! ” Ren tried lying in a convincing voice, but was interrupted the moment the one who he had called “ Saber ” decided to silence him by stabbing the tip of her blade into his throat.

Pulling the blackened blade of her once holy sword out of his jugular, Saber was unphased as she watched Ren immediately bring his hands up to apply pressure to his bleeding wound. “I figured you would have been smarter than that, boy… Especially after you saw what I did to your “ Phantom Thieves of Hearts ”,” Saber said coldly, as she took her foot off of his chest, so that she could kneel down beside him to begin searching for the chaos emerald.

Patting him down with her gauntlet-covered hand, Saber was about to begin searching the inside of Ren’s trench-coat, but that was when her precognition alerted her of the incoming Italian who was sprinting at her far faster than what she had been anticipating. “... Peppino Spaghetti; of course,” Saber muttered to herself, as she quickly raised her hand up to create a magical barrier that stopped the chef dead in the tracks. 

With his body splattered against the invisible wall, similar to how a pile of mud would look when it was thrown against a glass window, Peppino’s cartoonishly liquefied body began to pool up on the road just a few meters away from where Ren was bleeding out. Narrowing her eyes behind her visor, that’s when Saber immediately turned her back toward Peppino as she easily side-stepped Noise’s pogo-stick attack; slashing his tool in half, and sending the costumed man tumbling away from her.

The dark knight would have used her accursed sword to finish Noise off, had it not been for Neco-Arc having flown toward her at light-speed. Unfortunately for the cat-girl, not only was Saber able to predict her would-be surprise attack, but she was able stop Neco-Arc midlight by grabbing her by the throat. “You… I remember you,” Saber spoke hatefully with an angered look forming over her covered face, as she raised the squirming cat-girl up into the air.

Before Saber could plunge her blade deep into Neco-Arc’s heart, the fallen knight once again was forced to take evasive maneuvers as none other than Kobeni tried rushing at her with her fist cocked back; the nervous girl moving at supersonic speeds. Unimpressed with how much slower the Japanese girl was compared to her, Saber casually stepped forward with her blade raised over her opposite shoulder; preparing herself to cut Kobeni’s head off, the moment the young woman got close enough to engage with her.

However, it was then that luck seemed to be working against the fallen knight, as all of sudden she tripped on her own two feet. Having not been able to detect her miscalculated step with her precognitive abilities, Saber let out a confused gasp as she clumsily stumbled forward. “W-What sorcery is this…?!” Saber asked aloud in a frustrated tone, as she still attempted to cut the Japanese woman’s head off by blindly swinging her sword down.

“ OH, S-SHIT?!? ” Kobeni yelped out with a shocked expression on her face, as she was barely able to duck down just in time to avoid being slashed by Saber’s corrupted blade. Panicked and terrified of how fast her opponent was, Kobeni did the only thing she could think to do in that moment, and that was to deliver an uppercut punch to the knight’s jaw.

Even though Kobeni’s punch would have been powerful enough to destroy a building on its own, Saber’s large island durability made it so she barely felt anything when the other woman’s fist collided with her jaw. And even though Kobeni’s punch wasn’t enough to actually hurt Saber, that brief moment of time was all that Chef Kawasaki needed to zoom through the fire and flames around them.

Determined to save the young man who had already been rescued from the jaws of death once, the orange-blob rolled into a sliding kick, as he dodged Saber’s slash just in time to sweep Ren off of the broken asphalt. “ Not on my watch, dang it! ” Chef Kawasaki shouted definitely, as he held Ren against his large orange-body while still sliding away from Saber. Proving himself to be quite the speedster himself, Chef Kawasaki summoned one of the slices of deluxe pizza he had made the night prior, and used it to completely heal the suffocating man’s wounds before he could choke on his own blood.

Letting out a loud gasp as he felt the revitalizing magic of the pizza be absorbed into his body, Ren was confused when all of a sudden he was lifted up from the ground by Chef Kawasaki, who had gotten up and spun around toward where Saber was standing several meters away from them. “K-Kawasaki-Senpai?!” Ren gasped out, as he watched the protective blob pull out an oversized ladle from his white apron; holding it outward toward Saber, as a way to show her that he wasn’t afraid to use it.

In the fact of being challenged to a duel, a knight such as the one she used to be would have honored the chef by agreeing to do single combat with him, and him alone. However, Saber wasn’t there to prove her honor; she was there for a sole purpose. Watching as Chef Kawasaki’s determined expression became that of horror, the fallen knight placed Neco-Arc into a headlock as she used her other hand to press the blade of her sword up against the terrified cat-girl’s neck.

“The chaos emerald… Toss it on the ground, and I’ll let her go… You have until the count of three before I cut her head off,” Saber announced with a dead-serious tone in her voice, as she began drawing blood from Neco-Arc’s neck with how hard she was pressing the edge of her sword against her small neck. “One… Two… Thre-”

“ -WAIT!!! ” Ren shouted with a terrified expression on his face, as all he could see in that moment were the horrible memories of seeing Saber executing his friends in a similar fashion the night before. Chef Kawasaki, just as worried for Neco-Arc as everyone else was, quickly let Ren down onto the ground, and even made sure to place his ladle on the road before taking a step back in defeat.

Swallowing back the lump in his throat, Ren was trembling as he slowly reached into his trench-coat’s inner pocket with Saber watching him carefully through her visor. “Please, I'll… I’ll give it to you… N-No tricks; you have my word… Just... D-Don’t hurt her…” Ren said in a pleading voice, as he took out the powerful and glowing crimson gem with his red-gloved hand; showing it to the fallen knight, as he gestured nervously toward the scared cat-girl in her armlock.

Determining that the emerald was indeed real by using her ability to sense magic, Saber gestured at the spot between them before commanding him to toss it lightly toward her. As she predicted, Ren didn’t hesitate as he did what she had ordered him to do. “Finally…” Saber muttered to herself, as she carried Neco-Arc with her toward where the chaos emerald was laying.

Anxious and on edge like everyone else, Chef Kawasaki felt his heart sink into the bottom of his chest as he watched Saber pick the chaos emerald up with the hand that she was using to partially hold her sword’s handle in. “Y-You got your stupid gemstone! N-Now just let the poor girl go, p-please!” The orange-blob begged with tears forming in his eyes, as he felt his heartbreak from just how terrified Neco-Arc looked, as Saber slowly stared down at her past her visor.

“... Three,” Saber spoke in a cold voice, before suddenly pressing the edge of her sword back up against Neco-Arc’s throat; pulling back on her handle, and drawing blood from the gurling cat-girl’s neck, as her companions stood stunned in horror. Before Saber could finish cutting the cat-girl’s head off, it was then that her precognition alerted her of an incoming volley of “Pipis” that were heading her way at lightspeed.

Dropping Neco-Arc onto the asphalt, Saber raised her freed hand up to create a magical barrier between her and the incoming flurry of blue balls that Spamton had fired rapidly at her; giving Peppino a small window of opportunity to save Neco-Arc and the rest of his companions while the fallen knight was distracted.

Even though she knew that Peppino was coming at her at faster than light speed, she couldn’t do anything to avoid being tackled by him, as her magical barriers were too preoccupied with protecting her and the chaos emerald from the incoming Pipis that were being rained down on her. Cursing underneath her breath, Saber tried in vain to raise her sword to defend herself from the furious Italian chef, but wasn’t able to bring her blade up quick enough before Peppino’s shoulder hit her hard enough to make her drop the chaos emerald from her grasp. 

“YOU STUPID-A, LARPING, KING ARTHUR-WANNABE!!! I’MMA GONNA KILL YOU!!!” Peppino screamed righteously, as his body radated with a blindly white aura, as the lightning bolts surrounding his body protected him from the powerful shadow-spell that Saber had tried casting on him. More angry than he had been in a while, Peppino could feel Saber’s black armor cracking underneath his mighty grasp, as he grabbed her entire body before throwing her hard enough at a nearby hill to cause it to explode when her body impacted it.

With time being of essence, Chef Kawasaki quickly made his way over to Neco-Arc to feed her a slice of deluxe pizza, healing her wounds and saving her life, as Ren sprinted over to the chaos emerald. Shoving it back into the inner pocket of his trench-coat, Ren watched as Chef Kawasaki scooped Neco-Arc up off of the floor before holding her in his stubby-orange arms. With Kobeni and Spamton making their way toward the black-haired man, all five of them turned their attention over toward the far-off direction of where Peppino was running off toward.

Even though he was alone and felt like he was on his own, nothing was deterring Peppino from putting the beat-down on the fallen knight who had almost killed two of his new teammates. Fueled by Italian rage and anxiety, Peppino appeared unhinged as he sped toward where Saber was standing up from the mound of dirt and rock that had once been a grassy and mountainous hill. Seeing her raising her sword up to the sky to begin charging up the same dark-matter energy that he had seen Pizzaface use earlier, Peppino sped up even faster toward Saber; preparing himself for the fight of his life, as he heard scream out “EXCALIBUUUUURRRR!!!”

Chapter Text

With a heavy cloud of dust still in the air, Peppino through the chunks of rock and debris from what had once been the top half of a mountain, his heart racing as he gazed up at the pillar of dark-energy forming over the raised blade that Saber was holding up toward the sky. Reading the fallen knight’s movements, Peppino waited in anticipation as he drew closer toward the peak of the massive mound as the volatile pillar of dark-energy tore apart the sky as Saber swung it down on him. ‘ Time to pull out the big guns, ’ Peppino thought to himself, as he did his infamous “ Family Guy ” pose the moment the dark-and-black blazing fire from Saber’s special attack made contact with his being.

Having predicted seeing her Italian opponent flashing her with a ridiculous taunt, Saber gritted her teeth as she watched as the pillar of shadow-energy radiating out from her sword enveloped Peppino’s entire body in its unholy darkness. ‘ What an utterly foolish way to parry an attack… Am I to believe that this man is the one who Pizzahead fears?! ’ Saber thought cynically to herself, as she used her “ Massively FTL+ ” speed and immersible reaction time to maneuver around her returned “ Noble Phantasm ”; as Peppino sent her dark-energy pillar right back at her.

Having just demolished the remaining base of whatever was left over of the mountain Saber had been standing on, Peppino made sure to keep his momentum going, even as there appeared to be a strange fog manifesting from where his opponent had just been standing. ‘ Oh God…! Where is she?! Did I…?! Did I get her?! ’ Peppino thought anxiously to himself, while feeling a cold shiver running down his back as the area around him began to become obscured in a blanket of condensation. 

That’s when he caught something speeding by him from the corner of his eye. Time for Peppino seemed to slow down, as he turned around with his heart sinking into the bottom of his chest, as he saw Saber glaring at him through the armored visor that covered her eyes; her sword raised up, as he watched her gauntlet-covered fingers tightened around its handle. “... You should have stayed behind in that restaurant,” Saber said in a low voice; hearing Peppino whimper as she slashed her sword through his body. 

Expecting to see the Italian chef’s bisected body transform into a lifeless trophy, Saber’s vision that she already saw through her ability of precognition baffled her. “I-Impossible…” The fallen knight spoke quietly to herself, as she halted her momentum by digging her armored heels into the Earth; coming to a skidding spot, just so she could turn around and watch in disbelief as Peppino’s severed lower-half used their legs to turn back around, to try to deliver a powerful kick into her abdomen.

Using the power of “ Toon Force ” against the almighty strengths that his legendary opponent had on her side, Peppino propped his upper half up by his arms before trying to join his legs in taking down the fight against the dumbfounded knight. “Come on! Two-on-one, you-a sonofabitch! Let’s-a go!” Peppino shouted with a slightly worried look in his eyes, as he watched as Saber casually stepped to the site before using one of her legs from underneath her armored skirt to trip his lower half.

“Stand down, you unworthy adversary; or I shall bury you in this mountain,” Saber commanded in a dark voice, as she raised her sword up anticipatingly, as she watched Peppino lumber his upper half toward her.

Defiant and not feeling any pain, Peppino refused to back down as he prepared to leap up at her. “Tis’ but a scratch-a!” The Italian chef protested, before leaping up with his arms stretched upward at the knight’s neck.

Moving her sword at speeds that not even Peppino could keep up with, Saber was easily able to cut both of his arms off before taking a step back from his upper half landed face-down on the ground where she had been standing. “A scratch?! You speak in lies, chef; now you’ll die as one,” the fallen knight scoffed as she walked past where Peppino laid in pieces; finding herself a nice spot in the dirt, before kneeling down on it.

Placing her sword down beside her, Saber let out an elongated sigh as she pressed her palms together to form prayer hands before softly closing her eyelids behind her black visor. “ ... We thank thee Lord, that in thy mercy never fails m- You’ve got to be joking with me, ” Saber muttered annoyingly, as her precog vision of seeing Peppino’s severed arms crawling towards her interrupted her prayer.

Standing up with her back turned toward Peppino’s arms, which were both trying to sneak up behind her, the fallen knight’s reaction time proved itself to be unlike anything the Italian chef had gone up against. By the time Saber turned back around to face him, Peppino laid as a pile of oregano beneath her feet, with nothing but a chef’s hat and his two eyeballs left on top of the pile of finely chopped pieces of himself.

Staring down at him with shock written all over her face, Saber raised her visor up to her forehead in order to stare down at the cartoonish sight beneath her. Narrowing her eyes down at Peppino, Saber felt an uneasiness washing over her as she all of a sudden saw a haunting sentence written in white font manifesting itself within her vision. “ You’ve hurt Peppino seventy-times, ” it read, as she blinked several times before the chilling message faded out of her retinas.

“I... I don't have time for this nonsense,” Saber muttered under her breath, as she turned away from Peppino’s oregano form. Lowering the visor back onto her golden-colored eyes, Saber was using the device’s ability to mathematically calculate the exact location of where the red chaos emerald had gone. Watching from afar, Saber could see that instead of running away to deliver the gem to its destination, the rest of Peppino’s group was heading toward her in the direction of the fallen mountain.

“ Huh… That saves me the trouble of needing to chase them for it… Very well, if it's a fight they want, it’s a fight they’ll get,” Saber muttered under her breath, as she aimed her sword toward the incoming group; knowing very well that they couldn’t see her, due to the thick blanket of fog that she was passively manifesting within the area. The ground beneath her began to crack, as a black aura filled with pink and purple lights began to erupt over her form before beginning to envelope the blackened blade of her corrupted sword.

Taking in a deep breath before slowly sighing, Saber narrowed her eyelids behind her visor as she locked on to the center of the group. “Forgive me, for mercy is a luxury that I cannot afford to bestow… Now die, and rest forever… EXCALIBURRRRR!!! ” Saber roared out as loudly as she could, firing a concentrated beam of dark-energy. What was supposed to result in the immediate deaths of Peppino’s five allies— except for the costumed menace himself— ended far differently than Saber had intended.

Using her visor’s magnification ability to catch a glimpse of Kobeni’s eyes flashing yellow for a split second, the fallen knight was able to make connection between the Japanese young woman’s unknown power, and why her ranged beam of dark-energy had missed its mark entirely. ‘ That woman… She looked scared, but only noticed my Noble Phantasm after it terraformed the area behind her and the rest of them… It must be a passive “Mana Burst”, similar to “ Avalon’s fog ”... ’

‘ ... If she can bypass my enhanced precognition, that must mean she can override fate itself, but just isn’t aware of it? ’ Saber thought strategically to herself, as she suddenly became a shadow before Peppino’s shocked eyes; fading into the ground, before instantly teleporting away toward another vantage point. ‘ In the grand scheme of this battle, the only thing that matters is that I get the chaos emerald… She isn’t my target, nor can she hurt me with her feeble strength… It’s the last Phantom Thief who is the one that needs to perish. ’

“ H-HOLY CRAP!!! W-WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?” Kobeni screamed out loud with a terrified expression on her face; her face sweating bullets with tears running down the corners of her eyes, as she tried to keep up with how much faster everyone else in her group of freedom fighters were. “ N-Ngh…! S-Slow down, guys; g-godamn- gah…! ”

“N-No Kidding, [Number 1 Misfortune Devil] !!! These [Esteemed Associates] Are [Too Fast, Too Furious] !!!” Spamton chimed in agreeingly, although compared to Kobeni’s “ subsonic ” running speed, the salesbot was able to carry himself on his tiny legs at “ supersonic ” speed; effectively making the young Japanese woman the slowest one out of all of them. 

“We’re almost there, Kobeni-Chan,” Ren quickly reassured, as he led the group toward the direction of where the Noble Phantasm had originated from. Using his sharp mind and memory of his previous fight with her, the young man had already suspected that Saber would have changed her location after almost blasting them into oblivion. ‘ That move of hers… “ Excalibur Morgan ”, I believe I remember her calling it… Servants don’t miss their targets like that; there was force that intervened, but what was it that saved us? What could it have been? ’ Ren thought to himself, as he kept his gloved hand tightened around the handle of his black dagger, as they approached the pile of Italian herbs and spices that was once a man.

Staring down at the familiar white chef’s hat and pair of cartoon eyes that were positioned underneath the brim of the headwear, the group had confusion and horror in their eyes as Peppino looked back at them with a panicked look. Unable to speak, Peppino could do nothing as Neco-Arc waddled her way to him before kneeling down to stick her balled hand into his oregano pile. Getting a sample on her fingerless appendage, Neco-Arc made everyone behind her visibly disgusted as she used her cat tongue to lick up the bit of spice that was once Peppino’s body.

Smacking her lips obnoxiously, Neco-Arc hummed methodically to herself while savoring the taste of the Italian chef, before an actual lightbulb popped up above her head, signaling to the others that the cat girl had come to a decisive conclusion. “Buranyuu~! Hey fellas, I think I’m allergic to oregano!” Neco-Arc said cheerfully, as she stood back up before turning around to reveal to everyone that her face had become red and puffy. “Also… That’s definitely my Boss; he’s alive and well, just needs a “ pick-me-up ”, and he’ll be good…!” Neco-Arc informed through her inflamed mouth, as drool and tears began to leak out of her itchy face. “ Nyaga…! I think I need one too…”

Coming to the rescue, Chef Kawasaki reached into his apron to pull out two slices of deluxe pizza; handing one to Neco-Arc, before setting the other slice on top of Peppino’s eyeballs. “We’ve got to be more careful here, everyone…! Chef Spaghetti and I baked only one large-sized pie, and we’ve already burned through five slices… Nnnghh…! W-We’re down to our last three pieces, I’m afraid,” the orange-blob announced in a concerned voice, as he watched simultaneously as both Peppino and Neco-Arc were instantly healed before his eyes.

“ Mama Mia…! At this-a rate, I’m-a wondering whether or not it would be-a better to forget about trying to-a fight this woman, and just-a make a bee-line toward this-a “ Egg Carrier ” you mentioned, Joker,” Peppino suggested with a dreading tone in his voice, while silently recoiling after noticing that his arm hair had disappeared from when Neco-Arc ate that small part of him.

While Peppino was showing Neco-Arc that she had unknowingly done to him, Ren thought about the other night when he and his friends had first been assigned with the task of retrieving the red chaos emerald from the coordinates that Eggman had given him; the mission that kickstarted Saber and the Subspace Army’s pursuit of the powerful gemstone. “... I’ve already tried that, and it ended in tragedy. She’s managed to find us this far out from New Donk City; even if we somehow evade her, we’ll just end up leading her to the rest of our allies, including our ship…” Ren said in a solemn voice, as Neco-Arc reassuringly pulled out a black marker from her skirt.

With the cat-girl humming to herself as she began to draw the hairs back onto the confused Italian chef’s arms, Spamton decided to speak up in light of how dire the situation seemed for them. “Hey [Uninformed Consumers] , [Incase Of Emergency] It Wasn’t [Pain-Stakingly Obvious] , Fighting Any Servant Head On [Head Off] Ain’t Gonna Work Out In Our [Drastically Decreasing] Favor. So Hows About We Used Our [Tools Of The Trade] To [Nullification Proclamation] That [Hochi Mama’s] Most [Useful Insight] ???” Spamton suggested, before turning toward the anxious Japanese woman to raise his little arms toward her, in a way that a car salesman would do when presenting a vehicle to a customer.

“[Lady???] And Gentlemen! What [Your Ol’ Pal] Has Here Is A [Sweaty And Anxious] Woman Who Signed [And Leased] Her [Luck] And [Joy] For The [See Terms And Conditions] Ability To Manipulate [Fate] Into Her Favor!!! And [HOW, GODDAMNIT???] Do You Ask???” Spamton asked rhetorically, as everyone else in the group was too paranoid of Saber’s whereabouts to give the salesbot enough of their full attention to be engaged in what he was saying. “My [Esteemed Associates], [Number 1 Misfortune Devil] Can Adjust A [Potential Customer’s] [Luck] Into Being Just As [Down Bad, Frfr] As Hers!!! With The [Added Bonus] That [HYPERLINK BLOCKED] They Aren’t [Premium Insured] From [DEATH]!!!”

Unable to understand the gist of what the salesbot was saying, which again was mostly due to him being too distracted with keeping an eye out for Saber to be invest his brain power into translating Spamton’s words, Peppino decided to just ask Neco-Arc his question instead. “So-a uhhh, w-what-a is he actually saying, Gattina?!” 

“ Nyaga~! He’s basically just telling us that Kobeni-Chan is super unlucky, and can rub that bad voodoo off onto whoever's trying to attack her… Meaning that she’s the only one who Arthoria can’t touch!” Neco-Arc translated, before becoming excited as both she and everyone else suddenly all had the same idea. “OOOOO!!! THAT MEANS THAT SHE’S THE ONE WHO’S GONNA CARRY THE RED ROCK-CANDY FOR US!!!” The cat-girl screamed from the top of her lungs, as she spun around to smile back at the anxiety-ridden women.

“ Aww, S-SHIT…! T-This is why I never tell anyone about the contract that I- Wait… Spamton-San, how did you even know about that?!” Kobeni asked with a genuinely surprised look on her sweating face, as she looked away from Neco-Arc’s incredibly large eyeballs to stare down at the pointy-nosed salesbot. 

“Come [On] Now [Number 1 Misfortune Devil] , You Didn’t Actually [Think] That [Your Ol’ Pal] Wouldn’t Be Able [$2.99] Detect A [Binding-Legal Contract] From This Distance, Would You???” Spamtom quipped smugly, as he raised a hand up to lower his spectacles to down to flash a knowing look in his eyes. “What Sort Of [Number 1 Rated Salesman1997] Would [Your Ol’ Pal] Be, If [Your Ol’ Pal] Couldn’t Detect A [Legal Document] From [Approximately Two Meters Away From Your Location] ???”

Before Kobeni could further press the matter to the mysterious salesbot, she was suddenly interrupted when Ren suddenly shoved the red chaos emerald into her hands, making her extremely terrified and paranoid. “W-What the H-Hell do you think you’re doing, Joker-Kun?! If that bitch sees me with this-”

“-Then she won’t be able to forcibly take it from you,” Ren interrupted, as he stared at the horrified young woman with a serious look in his gray eyes. “Under no circumstances are you to give this emerald to her, or anyone unless they’ve identified themselves as either “ Dr. Robotnick ”, or “ Sage ’... Even if someone tries to negotiate with you using the lives of those important to you, do NOT surrender this no matter who has to pay that ultimate sacrifice… Understand?” Ren asked sincerely, as he lowered his hands down to stabilize Kobeni’s trembling hands.

“W-What?! N-No! This is…! T-This is t-too much pressure for me! There’s no way I-I…! N-No… No, I’m sorry I-I can’t! I-I don’t know if I can do this,” Kobeni whimpered with more tears flowing down the sides of her cheeks, as her knees began to buckle underneath her. “I-I know why you guys want me to carry t-this burden, b-but it w-w-would be a-a b-big m-m-mistake t-t-o let t-trust me with s-something t-this i-i-important,” Kobeni continued to cry out, as she lowered her head in shame as she remembered the night before; watching with her lowered eyelids as Ren lowered his hands down to carefully take his pistol back from her.

Empathetic to the emotional pain the young Japanese woman was experiencing, Chef Kawasaki began searching his extensive inventory for something that would help distract Kobeni’s mind from spiraling into a panic attack; something that none of them could afford, as they knew better than to let their guard down while the mysterious fog was still present. “Y-You know what always cheers me up, Ms. Kobeni? A nice, delicious ice-cream bar…!” Chef Kawasaki said with an uneasy voice, as he pulled out a sea salt ice cream from underneath his apron; tearing off the preserved frozen-treat’s packaging, before extending it out toward her.

In that moment, all Kobeni could think about as she stared up at the delicious frozen-treat was of her deceased friend; the same fiend who she not only lost in her universe, but within the reality marble that the Moon Cell and Pizzahead had sent her to continue on with her miserable existence. “ A-Arai…! I-I…! ” Kobeni choked out in a barely audible voice, before suddenly beginning to wail out in anguish as she fell to her knees.

With Kobeni sobbing while incoherently apologizing to the other Devil Hunters who had died trying to fight the automatrons that their old nemesis had summoned to fight for her, she was left immobilized by all the bottled-up grief that she had been ignoring since she saw her original allies die one-by-one. Being the closest one toward her, Peppino stepped forward to catch the hysterical woman before allowing Chef Kawasak to scoop her up in his stubby arms. “Maybe that-a wasn’t a good idea after all…”

Feeling ashamed of himself, as though he were the one responsible for opening up Kobeni’s mental scars, Chef Kawasaki stared down into the face of the wailing woman with a look of remorse and grief on his own cartoonish face. “W-What did I do wrong?! All I did was offer her an ice-cream bar; I-I didn’t mean to do this guys, I swear!” The orange-blob blubbered out with a teary expression of his own, while Neco-Arc knelt down to pick up the dirt-covered ice cream that he had dropped.

“ Buranyuu~! It isn’t your fault, Kawasaki-Senpai! She’s dealing with her own grief right now; which is valid for her to do, but it’s completely inconvenient for the rest of us, mmmm~! ” The cat-girl explained with a purr, as she took a few licks of the sea salt flavored treat; completely oblivious to the hundreds of flashes of red-light that were taking place within their fogged vicinity. It wasn’t until she ate the entire popsicle did Neco-Arc finally realize why everyone around her had their backs turned to her. “ Nyaga… Wowie! This reminds me of that one Stephen King book, the one about mist! I just… Can’t remember the name of it right now, hmmm,” Neco-Arc muttered under her breath, as a baseball bat manifested itself into her balled-up hands. “Oh well! I guess it doesn’t matter right now, huh guys?!”

“[Correct-O’-Mundo], [Number 1 Rated Cat]!!! According To My [Cyber Land Engineered] Sensors, There Are Exactly Three-Hundred [Customers With Complaints] Surrounding Us From [All Along The Watchtower]!!!” Spamton informed with a cheerful and upbeat tone, as he raised his small hand out to summon hundreds of sentient blue-gel monsters all around them; his eyes glitching as all of a sudden a loud-thunderous boom beneath their feet shook them to their core. “[ERROR]!!! Correction… There’s [Now] Exactly Three-Hundred And One [Customers With Complaints]!!! Including [Shipping and Handling] [$1.99] [BIG MOTHER !@#$ER]!!!”

Not needing to ask the salesbot for clarification, Peppino and his remaining friends gazed up in horror at the colossal shadow-silhouette of a massive bipedal figure approaching them at speeds faster than something its size should be capable of. “ Santa Maria…! ” Peppino muttered to himself with sweat pouring down his face, as the one-hundred and fifty meter-tall robotic monstrosity drew closer toward them.

“ Peppino…! I should have known that you’d survive that explosion! I just didn’t think I’d see your fatass this soon! ” Pizzaface’s unmistakable voice spoke through the massive robotic-entity, as the towering horror stood over them. The roughly humanoid structure of Pizzahead’s new mecha was similar to the hundreds of soldiers walking amongst the armed primids who were surrounding the group; with a broad torso and large shoulders compared to its thin limbs and lower body. Armed with three-fingered hands and a massive stark-white mouth filled with nested jaws of gnashing teeth, Pizzahead’s newest form was terrifying to say the least; as the redline glowing within its black chassis made all of them wonder whether or not their attacks could penetrate its armor.

Without eyes, Pizzahead’s mech was still able to scan its environment; lowering its massive and eyeless head down, toward where Peppino and his allies were gazing up at it with uneasy expressions of determination and fear on their faces. “ I see you’ve already replaced your “ friends ”... HA, AH HAHA, AH!!! GOOD, THEY’LL ALL MAKE FINE ADDITIONS TO MY COLLECTION!!! ” The massive mecha laughed cruelly, as it flexed its three-fingered claws while raising its arms up in preparation to unleash its furry onto its opponents.

“ BEHOLD, PUNY LITTLE WORMS!!! I AM “GIGANTO”, AND YOUR JOURNEY ENDS HERE!!! ” Giganto roared out with arrogant confidence in its voice module, as it opened its massive rows of jaws to reveal a bright red-light that was beginning to grow more intense from the back of its throat. “ Now then… When I say “ die ” Peppino, I mean it this time… SO DIE ALREADY!!! ” Giganto screamed from its voice module, before blasting a powerful beam of crimson-energy down onto the group of would-be heroes; terraforming the ground beneath them into nothing but disintegrated ash and photonic particles.

Having been observing her opponents from afar, the moment that Saber witnessed Pizzahead had his new and improved mecha and Subspace Army entering through the massive tear that Excalibur-Morgan had left in its wake was when the fallen knight sprung into action. “ God-forsaken automatrons…! And vile demons from Hell…! ” Saber muttered hatefully under her breath, as she raised her free hand out to summon a magical barrier in front of her; protecting her from the ranged beams of crimson-energy that the soldiers around her were trying to incinerate her with, while standing her ground as the shockwave created by Giganot’s own volatile blast of energy traveled through the shifting tectonic plates beneath her boots.

With her pregoniton and battlesense unaffected when she was direction her focus on the Subspace Army, Saber leapt over the magical barrier with her sword in hand; her corrupted blade penetrating the crimson shields that the soldiers were trying to use to defend themselves, as she began turning them all into piles of scrap on the ground, while slashing apart the primids into nothing more than piles of fading shadow particles. Within mere seconds, Saber had cleared the vicinity around her, all while remaining undetected by Giganto’s powerful sensors as the fog and her own properties as a servant made it impossible for even Pizzahead himself to know her presence.

‘ I can’t afford to intervene, not when I risk revealing my identity to Pizzahead… Damn it, I have no other choice but to retreat and try again when he’s not present… I swear, I’ll make him pay for what I’ve had to reduce myself-!!! ’ Saber’s thoughts were cut short, the moment she heard the sound of rapidly-approaching footsteps coming from behind her. Instinctively relying on her precognition to guide her, Saber’s battle sense was once again plagued with misfortune as she tried swung her sword horizontally; creating a ranged projectile from the wind itself, that narrowly missed decapitating the costumed man, who was fastly approaching her with a knife in hand.

“ BET YA FORGOT ABOUT YOUR OL’ FRIEND, DIDN’T YA?!? ” Noise screamed out manically with a murderous look on his face, as he leapt up from where he had squatted down to avoid being hit by Saber’s attack; grappling himself onto the woman’s breastplate, before trying to plunge the blade of his kitchen knife into her throat. “ RAAAGHHH!!! NOBODY RUINS MY POGO-STICK AND LIVES TO TELL THE TALE ABOUT IT!!! ”

Needing to drop her powerful sword onto the ground, Saber gritted her teeth at him as she lowered her face down just in-time to guard the unprotected section of her upper-throat with nothing but her black visor. Grunting as she felt the edge of Noise’s blade slice apart her forehead, Saber began wrestling for Noise’s knife, as he continued to swing it down on her face. “ Y-You vile little vermi- GAH, NGHHH!!! ” Saber grunted in agony, as she felt nothing but hot-white searing pain the moment Noise had swung her knife down hard enough to penetrate it not only through the right-side of her visor, but straight through her eyeball as well.

Laughing hysterically with a maddened look in his reddened irises, Noise’s sadistic side took pleasure from the way Saber’s grunts began to escalate into cries of pain when he suddenly twisted the knife while it was still inside her head. “ GETTING STABBED ISN’T SO FUN, WHEN YOU’RE THE ONE ON THE RECEIVING SIDE, HUH!? ” Noise screamed hatefully with tears of rage beginning to leak out the sides of his eyes; for as far as he knew from what he last saw, Saber had not only killed Ren and Neco-Arc, but had killed Peppino as well.

Fueled by her pain, Saber let out a defiant scream as she reached up to grab a hold of Noise’s wrist; twisting it to the point where she was able to forcibly make him let go of the knife. “Y-You little bastard…! I’ll kill you… I’LL KILL YOU!!!” Saber shouted angrily, as she used the remainder of her bloodied visor to bash it against Noise’s face; causing the disoriented man to tumble off of her and land onto the ground.

“OW!!! That was my NOSE you stupi- WOAG?!? ” Noise tried whining out in anguish, but instead let out a gasp the moment he felt Saber’s weight pressing down on his small body. With the weight of the armored woman straddling his torso, Noise’s dominant arm was pinned down as he watched the vengeful woman raise the knife up over his head. “ HOLY BALLS!!! NAAAAOAIYAO!!! ”

“ FACE MY FURY, WELP!!! ” Saber screamed with her blood trickling down on top of Noise’s face, as she began repeatedly plunging the knife down; ignoring the cries of help coming from the costumed man, as she stabbed the unpinned arm that Noise was trying to use to protect himself with.

“ N-NGHHH!!! S-Sorry Lady, but I’m a taken MAN!!! ” Noise shouted back, as he suddenly used his skewered hand to plunge his thumb into Saber’s bloodied eye socket; causing the servant to shriek in agony while recoiling from him. With a window of opportunity presenting itself to him, Noise swiped the kitchen knife from Saber’s fingers after he took his thumb out of the hole where her right eye had once been. “ LIGHTS OUT, BITCH!!! ” Noise shouted victoriously, as he plunged the tip of the knife down into the side of her exposed neck.

To Noise’s horror, instead of the blade of his weapon inserting the woman’s throat like how he had anticipated, Saber was able to quickly fight through the pain enough to suddenly catch the knife using her teeth; shattering it into pieces with her jaw strength alone, before spitting the chunk of saliva-covered metal onto Noise’s masked face. “Enough of this…! Allow for me to show you the weight of my sword… The weight of my sins…!” Saber grunted out in a hateful voice, as she reached her arm out to grab Excalibur Morgan from the spot where she dropped it.

Knowing what was in store for him, Noise used the time that it took for the fallen knight to retrieve her sword to quickly whip out his revolver from his costume. “ Feel the weight of DEEZ NUTS!!! ” Noise shouted definitely with a crazed look on his face, as he pressed the tip of his barrel against Saber’s forehead, just as the tip of her blackened sword pierced into his throat.

A single gunshot was fired off within the fog-covered grounds; alerting the reinforcements of Pizzahead’s forces of where they needed to investigate. Feeling Saber’s body slump over him as her muscles spasmed, Noise was struggling to breath with how deep her sword had managed to puncture his throat before he fired a round into her head. ‘ Oh, wow… Talk about a sore throat! ’ Noise thought sarcastically to himself, as he used his better arm and legs to push the fallen knight’s body off of his.

Coughing up chocolate sauce and pieces of candy, Noise felt extremely weakened as he struggled to get back up onto his feet. Tucking the revolver in between his armpit, the costumed man took out a roll of flex-tape from his inventory before tearing off a piece to patch up the deep hole in his throat. Taking in a deep breath of air into his burning lungs, Noise began patching up the hundreds of cuts in his right arm before shoving the roll of miracle tape back into his costume.

‘ That oughta hold me over for a while… Now all that there’s left to do is find where that chaos emerald went and… Aw crap, I knew that I wasn’t getting off that easy… ’ Noise thought uneasily to himself, as he saw hundreds of red-glowing lights emerge from within the heavy blanket of fog, as the combined forces of the high-tech robots and primids began to surround him from all sides. Letting out a heavy sigh of acceptance, Noise quickly put his revolver away, as he used his taped-up hand to pull off the blood-stained mask from the top of his head; allowing for his long-black bangs to fall down on his forehead, as he switched out his revolver for his minigun instead.

“... Oh boy, oh boy. The price of freedom sure is steep, ain’t it boys?” Noise mused aloud with a smirk written across his face, as the Subspace Army drew closer toward him with their weapons and shields raised up in preparation. In the face of certain death, instead of worrying about what was waiting for him on the other side, or even about what his girlfriend will do once she realized he wasn’t coming back like how he said he would, all Noise could think in that moment was about what he had said to Peppino’s niece.

“... How do you expect me to just stay here and wait, while knowing that you’re out there, risking your life and fighting against God-knows-what, all by yourself?!”

“Heh! Don’t worry kid, he ain’t going out there alone; Fatass over here will have me watching his back-folds! I got a view of the joint when I brought my gal here, while you two losers were mucking around back home. The gist I’ve gotten is that this is basically just the same layout as the Pizza Tower; albeit hell-of-a lot larger in scale.”

“You’re out of your mind if you think I’m trusting you to keep my uncle safe! For all I know, you’ll just leave him behind at the first sign of trouble.”

“Kid, if Fatass over here gets left behind for whatever reason, it’s because his slow ass deserves it… Ow?! Geez, babe, what was that for?!”

“Be nice to her, Theo! She’s still a kid; she can’t pick up on your sarcasm, and she’s already been through a lot already, so lay off!”

“ Engh… Fine… Alright kid, in all seriousness… I ain’t gonna leave your uncle behind. If we truly are the only ones left who stand a chance at defeating Pizzahead, then I’d be moronic of me to lessen what little chance we’ve got going for us, by purposefully getting Peppino killed, hurt, or whatever it is that might happen to us out there in the… “ Reality marble ”...”

No longer smiling or even expressing anything remotely cartoonish in nature, Noise instead had a solemn look of remorse on his face, as he began to rev up the motor within his powerful minigun. “... I’m sorry kid, I guess you were right not to trust me… And I’m sorry to you too, Peps… S-Sorry that I was such an asshole to you… I… I cared about you… I wish I got the chance to tell ya that in person, Fatass,” Noise spoke apologetically out loud with a soft-nostalgic grin forming on his lips, as he thought about all the times he and Peppino had spent together, before they became rivals.

“... And I’m sorry Hazel… Sorry that I wasn’t the man you deserved.” Taking in a deep breath, Noise slowly exhaled as he raised the revolving barrels of his minigun up toward the ninjas and soldiers that were sprinting at him with their bladed-appendages raised in preparation to chop him into pieces, while the primids armed with beam rifles and bazookas pressed their gloved fingers down on their triggers. "HEY-YA!!! How’s about a nice ride to HELL?!? Admission is freeeee!” Noise shouted with resolve in his voice, as he mowed down the soldiers and ninjas that attempted to rush him down; cutting through their defenses with his heavy caliber-sausages, all while being able to hit a few primids with his straw projectiles. “NGH…!!! C-COME AND GET IT, BOYSSS!!! I’M PUMPIN' HOT STUFF OVER HERE!!!”

Chapter Text

Striking a pose just as the burning energy of the crimson blast made contact with his being, Peppino was successfully able to parry Giganto’s beam in time to redirect it back at its massive head, allowing for his friends to be spared completely of the mecha’s destructive attack. Unfortunately for Peppino and his allies, the ground beneath them had been terraformed into a pool of molten lava, and thus all of them fell into the burning pool of fire almost immediately. “ EYAAAAAOAOAOAOW!!! ” Peppino screamed with a cartoonish look of pain on his face, as the bottom of his pants were set ablaze; resulting in him and the others who shared his fate to be launched out of the molten lava with their asses on fire.

Cackling with a sadistic tone through his voice module, Giganto was completely unscathed by the Italian chef’s parried attack; allowing it to fully enjoy the sight of seeing its opponents running around the ground, while the Subspace Army took potshots at them. “ You’re out of your league here, Peppino! This body is made out of adamantium alloy and weaved together by the magnetism of photonic crystals... I’d LOVE to see you TRY to even leave a scratch on this chassis, you Italian bastard! ” Giganto gloated with an amused tone, as it watched through its eyeless sensors as Peppino was forced to fight against the soldiers and ninjas that were trying to overwhelm him with their close-combat prowess.

“ That is… If you can even survive my army, that is… Oh?! Well, how about that?! Spamton G. Spamton! What are YOU doing here?! ” Giganto asked with a sarcastic tone of bewilderment within its exaggerated voice, as it knelt down on one knee; shaking the ground once again, and causing it to fracture as it reached down to grab a hold of the short salesbot.

Seeing the massive thirty-meter sized metal hand reaching down toward him, Spamtom let out a panicked shrieked k as he quickly finished snuffing out the fire from his bottom. “HOLY [[CUNGADERO]] !!!” The salesbot cried out, as he immediately turned tail while firing his pipis at Giganot’s looming claws; doing nothing to slow down the mecha’s hand, as it scooped up the ground from underneath his small, pointed feet. “DEAR GOD IN [Sweden] !!! [My valued associates] , [It Appears As Though I Am In Dire Need Of] HEEELLLPPPP!!!”

Hearing Spamton’s cries for help, Ren was somersaulting underneath the blade of a ninja when he spun around with his black dagger and pistol held up. Skidding across the ground on his back, the young Japanese man was able to use his dagger to parry the other ninja’s blade-like arm, before firing several rounds into its triangular face-panel; causing it to fall back on its back, with a smoking hole where its optic sensors had once been. “ Spamton-San…! ” Ren muttered with a stressed tone in his voice, as he rolled back up on his feet before sending his persona after the salesbot. 

Soaring through the sky, Arsene was needing to utilize his keen spacial awareness and agile movements, as he bobbed and weaved through the beams of crimson plasma and energy projectiles being fired up at him from the Subspace Army’s ground forces. “Remain calm, Monsieur Spamtom! Help is on thy way!” Arsene reassured, as he ascended through the air until he got close enough for Giganto to notice him.

“A FILTHY FRENCHIE IN MYYYY ETERNAL HEAVEN?!? OH, HO HO HO!!! I DON’T THINK SO, YOU BAGUETTE-EATING CREETEN!!! ” Giganto shouted through its voice module, as it quickly raised its massive arm in the air before swinging its claw down toward Arsene, as though he were swatting a flying insect. Despite being faster than light, the persona was unable to dodge the immeasurable speed that Pizzahead’s new mecha was capable of.

“ M-MON DIEUUUUUUU!!! ” Arsene shouted in both shock and agony, as his corporal form vanished from how hard he had been smacked in mid-air.

“ BON-VOYAGE, INTO LE TRASH!!! ” Giganto cackled insultingly, before turning its attention toward the terrified salesbot, who stood on top of the mound of dirt it had piled up in its massive palm. “Mr. Spamton… What else is there to say, other than “ thank you ”?” The mecha mused with a sudden familiarity in its voice, causing all of those who were battling the Subspace Army below to turn their attention up at where the salesbot was being held. “ You’ve done well bringing Peppino where I wanted him… And for that, you’ve earned yourself another pay day. ”

Unable to see anything in detail, all Peppino and his friends could do in that moment was feel a creeping sense of betrayal wash over them as Giganto hovered its free palm over Spamton. Holding Kobeni’s unconscious body over one shoulder, Chef Kawasaki felt his heart being torn apart as he along with everyone else suddenly were hit with the realization of what happened. “S-S… S-Spamton…? But… B-But why…?!” The orange-blob asked with tears forming in his eyes, as he and everyone else watched as the salesbot poked its head over Giganto’s palm to stare down at them with a wide-smile across his stark-white face.

“ HAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAE!!! [You Absolute Buffoons] , DID YOU [Total Jackasses] ACTUALLY THINK I’D HELP YOU PUT THINGS BACK [$2.99] HOW THEY WERE BEFORE I GOT SO MUCH [No Man Should Have All That Power] ?!? WHY THE [Hell] WOULD [Your Ol’ Pal] WANT [$2.99] DO THAT?!?” Spamton asked mockingly with a tone of superiority in his voice, as he continued to laugh hysterically at the looks of anger and betrayal written all over those who he had falsely allied himself with.

“[Number 1 Rated Salesman1997] WAS [Selling And Trading] [Used] GARBAGE OUT OF A [!@#$]ING DUMPSTER, BEFORE PIZZAHEAD ASSIMILATED MY UNIVERSE INTO THE [Under New Management] [Divine Automatic Recording Device]!!! For Once In My [Reborn] Life, I’m An Actual [BIG-SHOT] Now!!!” Spamton declared victoriously, as he looked over toward Peppino, who was staring back at him with a furious expression on his mustached face. “HEY [Italian Man]!!! GUESS YOUR [Counter-Intuitive] MORALS DON’T MEAN JACK [!@#$], DO THEY?!? HAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAE!!!”

“ Piccolo pugnalato alle spalle— Why you little BACKSTABBER…! I-a SAVED you when you-a were going to-a get executed, and THIS-A is how you-a repay me?!” Peppino demanded with his entire skin becoming crimson with fury, as his aggressive question was met with more laughter from both Giganto and Spamton.

Tearing through the bodies of several primids using her ability to rocket-propel herself through the air, Neco-Arc glared menacingly at Spamton as she landed next to Peppino’s side. “ NAGAYA!!! I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE PULLED THE TRIGGER ON YOU!!! ” The cartoonish cat-girl shouted scornfully, as she pulled out a rocket launcher from the waistband of her skirt; taking immediate aim at the salesbot, before pressing down on the trigger; shooting out a guided missile that was easily intercepted by Giganto, who flicked it away like it was a pebble. “... Nya, shit…” Neco-Arc muttered with a wide-eyed expression on her face, as she tossed the emptied launcher aside before taking out her trusty baseball bat instead. 

Filled with Italian rage and the need for retribution, Peppino’s body was beginning to glow brighter than any star imaginable; causing everyone on the battlefield to suddenly stop what they were doing, to give their undivided attention to the chef himself. “Oh [Sweet Child Of Mine] ...!” Spamton muttered anxiously under his breath, as he took cover behind one of Giganto’s massive clawed fingers; taking to the fetal position, as the entire reality marble was filled with the smithing power from one of Peppino’s strongest super taunts. 

Leaping up in the air, Peppino confidently struck the signature “Sonic Adventure'' pose; his hands in the form of finger guns, as he remained suspended in air as the robots and primids around him were instantly vaporized into photonic particles; clearing away the Subspace Army, and even the fog that had been lingering since Saber’s arrival. Even Giganto, with its near indestructible chassis, was hit hard enough by Peppino’s super taunt that it stumbled backwards as the Italian energy it felt coursing through its entire body made its Adamantium exo-skeleton crack on the inside. “GWAH!?! W-What the Hell was that…?!” Giganto asked in a confused and cautious tone, as it covered its face with its free arm before leaping several kilometers backwards; creating a large gap between him and Peppino. “I refuse to once again underestimate what that Italian bastard’s capable of… Spamton! Help me kill Peppino and his little crappy friends, and I’ll double your Pizza Points!”

“ [Double Or Nothing] ?!? What A [Deal, Or No Deal] !!!” Spamton quipped with dollar signs in his blackened eyes, as he waited for the white-light of Peppino’s super taunt to fade away, before springing to action. “ [Heaven] Awaits [My Esteemed Associates] ...!!! BEHOLD, THE POWER OF [NEO] !!!” Spamton shouted with a maddened look on his face, as he tore off his clothes; flashing Giganto with his bare ass cheeks, before the salesbot activated his true form.

From the distance, Ren lowered his arms down after having shielded his eyes from Peppino’s super taunt, and felt dread flooding into his body the moment he and everyone else watched as the small spec that was Spamton leapt out of Giganto’s massive hand. “What is he… Oh… Oh, this isn’t good,” Ren muttered to himself, as he watched as the salesbot’s white-glowing silhouette transformed before his eyes; growing larger, and larger, until he was practically the same size as Pizzahead’s latest mechanical vessel.

Holding his ladle in one hand, Chef Kawasaki let out a terrified whimper as he gazed up at Spamton, who not only had on a new suit of purple armor that was fitted with two colossal robotic wings, but came equipped with an arm cannon that was the size of a small skyscraper in of itself. “I AM [Becomed] [GIGA SPAMTON]!!! ALL YOUR [Souls] BELONG TO [Us]” Spamton declared in a thunderous voice; cackling like a psychopath, as he raised his massive hand-cannon up to take aim at Neco-Arc. “Now… It’s [My Turn] [$2.99] Pull The [Devil Trigger]!!!”

Feeling the second seismic quake take place underneath his broken and damaged body, Noise stirred awake as he laid face-down on the grassy spot of the hill he had managed to hold through-out the waves of robots and primids who had tried overwhelming him with their numbers and strength. Accidentally pushing aside his broken minigun and firearms as he extended his arms out, Noise felt his world spinning as he struggled to push himself up off of the ground; getting only a foot up from the grassy patch below, before his arms gave out from underneath his weight.

“W-What in the Hell was that…?” Noise muttered out loud in a trembling voice, getting his breath back, as he began to hear more-and-more explosions in the nearby distance, followed by battle cries and thunderous footsteps. Propping himself on his dirtied elbows, Noise was wincing in pain as he forced himself to lift his head up far enough to see the unnerving sight that awaited him a few kilometers away. “D-Do my friggin’ eyes deceive me, or is that… That annoying little robot…!? A… And what sort of L-Lovecraftian machine is that big-bastard fighting alongside…?!”

Motivated to know what in the world was going on in the distance, Noise was grunting in agony as he forced his fatigued and wounded body; pushing himself up on his knees, before reaching into his costume to pull out a pair of binoculars. “O-Okay… Let’s see what’s going on in those neck of the… W-WAIT!!! P-PEPPINO?!? H-HE’S ALIVE?!? ” Noise asked aloud; feeling more shocked than in pain, to the point that he completely brushed off the agony his body was in as he stumbled up onto his feet.

Keeping his weathered binoculars up to his bruised and dirt-matted face, Noise felt his heart racing in his chest as he watched from afar as Peppino, Neco-Arc and even Chef Kawasaki were duking it out with the tag-team titans; leaving Ren alone to carry Kobeni, as he began running away for safety with a frustrated and worried expression written on his exhausted-looking face.

Despite the trio of fighters being no pushovers themselves, and seemed to be able to keep up with evading most of the attacks that were being thrown at them— whether it be blasts of volatile energy beams, volleys of pipis, or simply Giganto and Spamton trying to use their colossal appendages to hit them— Noise could tell that it was an overall uphill battle that Peppino and his two other allies weren’t winning. “Holy crap, Lois… They’re getting their salads tossed out there!” Noise muttered to himself, as he watched as Chef Kawasaki flew backwards the moment he was shot at by three-hundred blue pellets that the salesbot managed to blindside him with. 

Unable to watch the losing battle anymore, Noise lowered his binoculars right after he saw Giganto backhand Neco-Arc several hundred kilometers away into the horizon, before flattening Peppino with its pronged leg. “Damn it… It’s good news that they’re alive and all, but at the rate they’re going… N-No… No, I-I ain’t gonna screw this up… I-I’ve gotta do something… I’ve gotta-”

“-Do what…? Save them?” A familiar voice interrupted him from behind; an authoritative and cold voice that sent a shiver down the costumed man’s damaged back.

Silently, Noise limped forward before nearly falling down, as he turned away from the battle in the distance to see none other than Saber herself; her bloodied visor completely off of her healed-face, as not even the bullet wound was no longer present. “Y… You ain’t dead…?! H-How…?! I-I planted one right in ya dome…” Noise uttered out with a quiet and confused tone, as he stumbled back the moment Saber began advancing toward him with her sword in hand.

“I am the King of Britain; a Knight of the Round Table… I am blessed by God Himself… One measly bullet isn’t going to stop me from completing my holy mission,” Saber said with resolve in her voice, as she easily caught up to the panicked man; punching him square in the face, and standing over him with her boot on his chest as she pinned him back down to the ground. “That… And you made the mistake of assuming that servants aren’t able to regenerate from wounds… Shall we test whether or not YOU can survive a hole in your head?” Saber asked with a vindictive voice, as she raised her sword above Noise’s forehead, while fully intending on scrambling the insides of his brain to a bloodied bulb.

Knowing that he had no chance of fighting off the fallen knight, and that his friends were in dire trouble, Noise decided to do the one thing that he thought he’d never have to do in any sort of confrontation: use his words instead of his hands. “Wait! Wait! Y-You said you were a soldier of God, or something- right?” Noise asked with a panicked voice, and let out a high-pitched yelp the moment he saw the tip of Saber's blade stop within a centimeter of his left eyeball.

Blinking her eyelids with a confused look on her face, Saber narrowed her golden eyes at Noise as she frowned down at him. “Yes… I am a devout follower of God Himself, and it is my mission to prevent Pizzahead from reaching Heaven Itself. And I’ll do that, no matter how many lives I must vanquish,” Saber said, as she used her other hand to place her palm down on the top of her sword’s pommel.

“ WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!! Uhhh…! I-I’m, uh… M-My friends! Uh… Them and I, we wants ta’ stop Pizzahead too, and put the whole multiverse back to how used to be! S-So, uh…! W-What if instead of tryin’ to kill each other, we just squash this beef and band togetha’ to put an end to whatever the hell you just said that Pizzahead was tryin’ to do!” Noise suggested with a pleading look on his face, as Saber stared back at him with an unreadable expression on her pale face.

“... And why should I place my faith in the little degenerate who shot me in the head ten minutes prior to him begging for an alliance?” Saber asked with a cynical voice, and appeared to have made up her mind as Noise noticed the murderous glare she was giving him. “No… No, I don’t think I shall be bestowing any sort of mercy upon you or your evil-doers. He who lives by the sword-...?”

“-Dies by the sword… Right? That’s how that verse goes? Sorry if I got that one wrong; I never paid attention to whatever bullshit the “ Order of the Sword ” was trying to sell around Fortuna.” A sarcastic male voice asked from behind her, which prompted the fallen knight to turn around with her sword raised toward the red trench-coat wearing man with white-silvery lockets of hair. 

No longer paying any mind to the costumed man who was trying to quietly crawl away from her, Saber’s battle-sense made it blatantly obvious that the middle aged man standing who was standing lackadaisical across from her was far more powerful than anyone else she had fought within Peppino’s group. “... What an unholy presence you have, vile scourge… Even that disgusting weapon you wield radiates with darkness that could have only been forged from the fires of Hell itself.”

“ PFFFFT…!!! Haha, ah ha! Holy crap, that was hella dramatic! You must be the life of the party anywhere you go, lady! Wow…! With the way you carry yourself and your words, you and my asshole brother would get along just fine,” the grizzled man said with a wide-smile across his face, as he raised the hand he was using to hold one silver pistol with to wipe away a tear of joy from the corner of his eye. “Anyway… Yeah, you aren’t too far off from the truth about how I got around to getting my hands on this bad boy... Pretty sick-ass sword, right? I even named it after myself, like most assholes do whenever they do something remotely cool!” 

Watching cautiously with an invisible barrier created between her and the mysterious man several meters away from her, Saber felt uneasy as she watched him practice a few half-assed swings with his two-handed sword that he was effortlessly wielding with just one hand. “Begone, vile demon! For I have no quarrel with you; at least not when God’s domain is at risk!” Saber said with a righteous voice, to which made the man chuckle as he shrugged his shoulders.

“Hell yeah, I totally think fighting you would be a waste of time and effort! So let’s just… Skip all that bullcrap, and get to the part where we make niceties, sing some kumbaya by the campfire, and crack a couple of cold ones by the beach? Doesn’t that sound WAY better than me kicking your ass back to the Throne?” The man half-jokingly mused with his grin still present, as he let out a sigh before clearing his throat. “ Erm… But no, seriously… Stand aside, so I can rescue that nerd who took too long to deliver the chaos emerald to ol’ Eggman.”

‘... At least he knows when to put an end to the pointless jokes that he makes, ’ Saber thought to herself, as she remained standing with a thoughtful look on her face. ‘ He seems far more competent than any of these fools who I’ve come across… Despite being of demonic origin, I sense… No evil within him… And… And even if I were to cross blades with him, then I’d just be wasting time… Time that would have been better spent stopping Pizzahead… ’

With how unlucky he had been before whenever he had tried previously to talk his way out of a fight, the grizzled man had been fully anticipating that he would have to fight against one of the most powerful servants from the Throne. So it came to him as a genuine surprise when he saw Saber lowering her sword, while relaxing her shoulders as she dropped her battle stance.

“... This Dr. Robotnick I’ve heard of… What is his plan to stop Pizzahead from reaching Heaven?” Saber asked with a cautious tone, as she was still keeping her wits together as she locked eyes with the man across from her.

Letting out a quiet chuckle, the grizzled man smirked to himself as he took a soft breath in. “Oh? Like… You’re for real about not wanting to fight me? Like… Like really?!”

“I’ve yet to pledge my allegiance to your cause; I am merely bestowing you an opportunity to convince me why our goals align with one another,” Saber clarified, as she watched the man roll his eyes at the way she was talking to him. “There aren’t many who would know what a “ servant ” is… And there are even fewer who know about the Throne… You show promise, demon; do not disappoint me.”

“ ... WOW!!! You and freakin’ Vergil would HELLA be besties- GODDAMN!!! ” The man quipped with zero sarcasm in his voice, as he lowered his large sword while chuckling to himself as Saber narrowed her eyelids once again in his direction.

“... I ask that you refrain from using the Lord’s name in vain,” Saber requested with a low tone in her voice; making it very abundant to the man who she was talking with that she didn’t take kindly to what he had casually said. 

“ Uh… Okay? Sure, whatever… Speaking of names, let’s do that to break the ice, shall we?” The man suggested, before making his way over to the uneasy woman to stick his fingerless-gloved hand out. “Name’s Dante, what’s yours, My Lady?”

Tensing up as she forced herself to cast away her paranoia to grab a hold of Dante’s hand, Saber shook it as firmly as she could before letting go of him. “I’m… Arthoria. Artoria Pendragon: Rightful King of Britain, and Knight of the Round Table.”