Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Gagging and choking is never a good sign when it comes to Newt’s work.

Possibly an indication of of some air born chemical that he’d accidentally let lose. With the mere thought of a mistake like that would send him spiraling for hours.

It was certainly something he’d had to contend with at one point or another through out his career, and every time there had been hell to pain whether by Hermann or Pentacost’s hands, though each time it was generally resolved quickly. Hermann was often the one to note when something was wrong as well. He had just memorized the distinct sounds and smells of their lab that any minor change made him antsy at the best of times, and panic at the worst.

Though this didn’t seem to be anything like that. If it had been he wouldn’t be the only one experiencing these symptoms. That was one of sick truths about sharing a lab with someone, there would always be someone else affected by your actions. So a slip up like this on Newt’s part should see both of them having such negative reactions in the bathroom, yet he was the one that had to make a mad dash for his room.

No, something was…stuck.

Like something was caught in his throat and blocking his air ways until he wasn’t even sure he could get any air in or out. At least that’s what it felt like. Currently crumpled over his cramped closet of a room’s even smaller bathroom and gagging desperate pleas for his body to listen and get it over with. At least then he could get it over with and figure out what this strange substance was that felt like it was clinging on to his flesh for dear life was.

Clutching onto the toilet bowl for dear life until the world around him begins to blur.

Losing consciousness on his bathroom floor has little to no appeal to it in this kind of situation. It’d make things so much more complicated if someone found him out cold like that. The explanations he’d have to give on the spot with no context for what was going on, that would be a nightmare in itself. Though the strong possibility of suffocating while the rest of the world moves on without a second thought.

No, not now. He wasn’t going to go out like this.

At first the idea that creeps into his head on how to avoid this fate doesn’t make much sense. In a situation like this you’d expect yourself to be able to expel whatever was causing to gag in the first place. However, with the continued experience of something clearly being stuck Newt decides to try and be more direct with it. A means that while it may not make much sense on paper, may be the only way out he has left.

Leaning his head back and forcing his mouth to open wide he plunges his hand down into his esophagus where he can feel the whatever it was brush up against his fingers. The sensation itself was strange and foreign to him, almost as if it were something alien in itself beyond it’s presence within Newton’s body.

Though that didn’t matter as much as getting it out. Then he could study it, break it down into a million pieces, and crack open why it was there in the first place. Because of all intensive purposes it really didn’t feel like anything he’d eaten, and there was no president for any that might have come from the Kaiju that would have this consistency.

So why was it there?

Getting a good enough hold on what practically felt equivalent to a tendril he began to yank at it. The sensation coming with that motion making his body be wracked with pain that he’d didn’t think was possible. As though something was tearing him up from the inside out. The kind of thing he’d only thought possible through the medium of film as people squirm and scream in terror in a movie theater.

He can’t stop though. If he stops now then he really was going to die, and he wasn’t fucking going down like this.

Once more, he pulls a large part of it out. Briefly glancing down he gets a look at what could be compared to a plant, but quickly he looks back up. Not able to comprehend how it got there and not wanting to get too caught up in it until the job was done.

Mentally gritting his teeth one more time as his sight begins to fail him he gives it one more go and is met but the sensation of air screaming back into his throat. A mix of bloody pain and utter ecstatic disbelief he desperately takes in gulps of breath. Fumbling away from the toilet he lets tears of relief and agony spill down his cheeks while digging his nails into his palm to try and bring him back from the edge. The sensation of what could best be akin to leaves running against the sensitive flesh of his throat sending him to hell time and time again as he keeps thinking about it amongst the rest of the pain.

It was such a stand out sensation. Something he’d never had to experience before, and yet he now was.

Eyes wearily casting back towards the harshly red splattered grimy toilet bowl to see what looked like a vine limp and laying amongst the chaotic scene. It’s colors being the only thing that off set it from it’s surroundings as it glowed in surprising neon hues. Practically appearing as what every 80s sci-fi pulp novel would have described the flora and fawn of a foreign planet to look like.

Already pale and weak from the experience Newt somehow manages to get even paler as the gravity of the situation settles in on him.

An alien object had just come out of him. Nearly killing him in the process he had just thrown up what could easily be chalked up to a piece of vegetation from the Kaiju’s home world.

Feeling his jaw drop he tries desperately to try and come up with an alternative explanation. Though just as he began more coherent thoughts they’re cut off by the sudden sound of a, “Newton?” followed by soft knocking at his door.

Fuck, Hermann.

Whipping his head in the direction of his door his stomach somehow manages to drop again as he imagines the poor guys reaction to this mess. Deciding then that he wouldn't let him see any of this. He had no explanation to offer, no idea what was going on, and- especially irksome- no clear plan for if it would happen again.

“Ye-Yeah?” He nervously calls back, his voice rough and gravelly clearly giving Hermann a picture of that fact that he was in fact not well.

Pausing as a reaction to this sudden change in voice he eventually replies, “Do you think you’ll be returning to work today, or should i let Major Penta–”

“Tell him whatever you need to, Hermann, cause I won’t be able to do much today, dude.” Leaning back against the wall he runs a hand through his sweaty disgusting hair. Thoughts still clinging and flowing to and from what just happened, and if he was making the right choice in not telling Hermann. Though he knew full well that he could only handle one freaked out person per day.

“Did you eat something that didn’t sit well with you? Because with how much junk you buy because they have Kai–”

“Please, Hermann, not now! I really don’t want to have that conversation right now!”

Muttering to himself some quiet, most likely, snide remarks at Newt’s expense Hermann grumbles out, “I’ll get you some ginger ale.” Followed by the sound of footsteps echoing through out the metallic halls of the Shatterdome.

Breathing a sigh of relief Newt glances back over at what had just come out of him. Seeing it continue to glow with it’s neon hues cementing to him that it was in fact real. It was as real as he or Hermann and it had come out of him.

And he had no idea what to do about it.

Chapter Text

As the day goes on, Newt curled up in bed, he finds himself stuck inside a whirling churning mind screaming at him to do something about this.

As the day of pain and agony draws to an end Newt finds himself stuck in such a horrible position he just can’t figure out what to do.

Now sometimes it was natural for him to find himself so caught up in the trouble of something that he was unable to continue on with the problem, but that was work related. Sometimes it pertained to a person, it could sometimes be brought on by a particularly rough argument with Hermann, but rarely for any other reason. He had ways to cope, after all.

Now, however, he found himself wanting desperately to reach out, call out, scream out to anyone who would listen to him. Trying to convey the horror he just experienced without sounding entirely deranged to those around him.

Perhaps they’d assume he’d gone mad from some sort of work related stress, or even Kaiju based disease that had only just been discovered. Lord knows he showed his love of the creatures enough for everyone to already assume him crazy. So just one more strike for him to be down for the count at this rate.

So all he could come up with- was silence.

A quiet acceptance of the strange set of circumstances he found himself in, hoping it wouldn’t happen again, and a practically nonexistent plan to never speak of it again.

Just one bad choice, that’s all it would have to be. One bad choice that led to him to be overcome in such a way that he had to leave his post in such a time of need.

He already knew Pentacost would ask him about it at some point, though Tendo had come by baring stomach medicine to help with the pain and had asked about what had happened, the only real issue he’d have to get over was Hermann’s worrying.

An all encompassing sort of concern that could easily go from welcome to unwelcome on a dime. At least when he bothered to pull out all the stops. Sometimes he only went halfway, and that’s when Newt knew for certain he’d upset his lab partner.

But as dawn rose on a new day, not a wink of sleep having befallen the poor ill scientist, he drags his corpse-like body out of bed and hobbles his way into the lab. Collapsing into his chair and practically shrinking up instantly he barely finds it in him to start typing on his computer. The clinking and clanking of the keys filling his ears while mixing around with the sounds of his ringing throat with a vine ripping it apart.

More grotesque a sound than the slicing and dicing of Kaiju flesh on account of the personal nature of it. How it had emanated to his ears from the inside.

It was disgusting, repulsive, but so utterly perfect to destroy him.

A sensation he could not escape and a sound he could never unhear. An even better way to make him want to cruel up and disappear than an actual cold blooded murder.

Not even the feel of his home, the desk he’d spent so many of his hours understanding the monsters that were trying to kill him and his kind, could bring out the best in him. The bubbly excited smile he was known for withering away even as he tries to dawn it with Hermann’s entering the room.

The two making eye contact and an instant understanding of the situation, at least to an extent.

Glancing over at the paper laying in wait at his own table, Hermann, against all better judgment, goes over to Newt’s side. Tentatively placing a hand on his back he mutters, “Would a blanket be any sort of help right now?”

Slowly nodding his head it doesn’t take long for him to feel the soft sensation of a weighted blanket on his shoulders.

Hermann’s weighted blanket no less.

A gift from Tendo at one point or another to help him through some of the rougher nights whenever he got sleep, it makes Newt pause in disbelief. Coily reaching his hand out and running his fingers through it, as though it was going to disappear the moment he let it go. Eventually wrapping it around himself as a way to show his appreciation. A minor way to show his appreciation, but a way nonetheless. Not like he was up for saying anything right now.

“Can I get you anything else, Newton?” Hermann eventually adds, his voice breathy with an irritated tone. Though not as irritated as he should probably be.

He’d been left high and dry yesterday, and now most likely today. Along with being forced to explain to Pentacost why some of his requested studies were going to be delayed.

Definitely not his favorite thing to do.

But he still did it, and seemingly was going to have to do it again.

“I don’t know if anything can really horor right now, Hermann, thanks for the offer though.” He hoarsely replies, voice showing the wear and tear it had just gone through clear as day.

Brow furrowing in response Hermann let out a small “Humph” before storming back over to his station grabbing a spare ginger ale from the fridge and slamming it down next to his keyboard.

“While I understand the draw to not eat or drink right now, Newton, it would be best for you to at least let something into your system again. At least to get some of your energy back.” Eventually letting out a sigh his hand leaves the chilled metallic can for the warmth of Newt’s shoulder once more. Feeling the blanket just as he did and taking comfort in the texture of it. Leaning closer he carefully adds, “It’s better for you to look a little busy today. Take the rest you need, but if you seem to be getting something done nothing can be held against you. Even if your current condition could warrant some concern, it will not be given to you if you look busy today.”

“Even your concern, Hermann?” Newton meekly attempts to joke.

“Oh no, you’re not getting rid of my concern that easily. Just other peoples’ who don’t have to suffer by being around you constantly.” He waves away, giving him an awakened but reassuring tap before walking back over to his station and beginning to day properly.

Letting his eyes wearily glance over his shoulder he can’t help but allow his hand to hover just above his throat. The ache coming from it still pronounced as ever, but somehow being soothed by the care that Hermann was providing him.

Maybe he didn’t have the next step prepared moving forward, but there would still be someone to look after him.

Even if he couldn’t tell him the truth of the situation. At least he would still be there.

Chapter Text

The concern of others can only go so far though.

Hermann’s attention to detail and continued demand for Newt to take it slow works wonders compared to his original plan of ignoring everything and just- working through the pain.

They were both guilty of participating in this decision. Whether it be down to lack of sleep or sickness they both had to force themselves to suffer in the name of saving the world, or something like that. Yet now Hermann seemed to realize that if Newt tried that it would only make his body shut down more than it already had.

And though Pentecost stopped by every once and awhile to check up on him, clearly catching on to his slower pace, not even he could argue with how ragged he looked. His eye bags alone were enough to show that he was barely getting any sleep despite seemingly having gotten better.

Well there was little reason to sleep now. Not when in the day you had work to do and at night you have to be planning what you’ll do if you hack up another vine any day now.

Though, to his surprise, days turned into weeks. Then weeks turned into months. With time mixing together back into it’s usual slur of muddled orders and screaming arguments. Dates only held power if the higher ups gave it that. No other worries could come between them and getting a deadline done.

At least, until the pain starts all over again.

The spiraling continuation coming to a startling halt as once more his stomach lurches and squeezes until something is clawing at his flesh to come out. Burning him up with leaves and wretched roots that only a plant of it’s kind could possibly possess.

Again he spilled himself over that lacking toilet to try and get it out, though at least he was more direct now. Proceeding to go through the motions immediately then continue to endure it over and over again with no end in sight.

Once properly emptied out this time he did not hesitate to get back up and head back to the lab. Hermann starting him down the moment he got through the door. Studying him over time and time again to try and crack the code on what had just happened. Why his friend’s face kept twisting up at every slight move. Pinching with ever breath, and shuddering with even the smallest bend of his fingers. Yet he watched him continue on.

Quietly he left little reminders to take care. More ginger ale, some crackers, and even a little toast. It didn’t amount to anything in the end though. A little extra sleep here and there maybe, but nothing to truly help him heal. There just wasn’t enough time for that anymore.

He wasted enough of it as is before, and to do that again would be foolish of him. Especially with the clocking ticking down as it was. Everyone else was doing their part, so why shouldn’t he? Holding back now cost them everything in the long run. So there just wasn’t a point to it.

Though it would seem those self destructive tendencies back fired harder than he expected as the frequency spiked very quickly. From being separated by a few months to at least once a month. The pain starting to mix together to such a point that the coiling and wiggling was happening constantly.

Sometimes he could ignore it, but others it was churning so quickly that he wanted to tear himself in two and yank his intestines out. Letting their blood and bile spill all over the metallic floor while finally freeing himself from the continuation of this pain.

But nothing would come in the end.

Just pain for the sake of pain, supplemented by the occasional root or vine seeping their way up slowing through his esophagus. Making him double over once form the sudden sensation, and cause a line to be drawn in the sand immediately by the poor by standard who had been forced to endure this parade of internal masocistic torture.

“That’s enough, Newton.” Cuts through the air so quickly that Newt’s breath shudders at the sudden intrusion. Something finally coming back to him other than work and his constant abdominal pain.

A hand promptly wrapping itself around his arm while the body next to him awkwardly stands with the uneven distribution of weight; startling him with a rush of words following this action that flow through in and out of his ears, “I’m not just going to keep standing by while you try and noble suffer in silence. If Pentecost has a damn problem with his staff trying to stay healthy during the end times then he can take it up with me for all I care! But I will not keep watching you throw yourself at your work day after day while your face grows greener and greener until you sudden snap and run off to your room one day. You are going to get some goddamned rest and eat some actual bloody food or so help me god you’re going to have more of a problem then just whether or not your about to spill your guts all over your beloved specimens!”

Feeling his feet drag onto the ground and the rough breathing leaving Hermann’s lips he attempts to protest but only gets a grumble like growl in response. The clunking and clicking of his scientific partner’s cane echoing through out the Shatterdome as he seemingly gives everything in dragging Newt to his room, whether he wanted him to or not.

He finds it difficult to pin down exactly how long it takes for them to get there, but when they do he feels himself get shoved down onto his bed. Rolling onto his side so that his back was to Hermann, mumbling out a small “Thank you,” before feeling a blanket begin to be placed over him and a weight at the end of his bed.

“If we loose you now then we loose any possibility of understanding these things, Newton. I know many people may not understand your work but it really is important in our effort for survival.”

Rolling his eyes he mutters back, “I find that really hard to believe. Not like many Jaeger piolets are lining up to thank me for my study of the anatomy of their foes to help them punch them to death.”

A hand rests itself on his ankle and lightly begins to squeeze it. The sensation running through his body, but instead of causing him any further pain it provided a surprising sense of reassurance. As though by the mere action of Hermann rubbing his thumb along his foot through the sheets he knew that he really wasn’t alone.

“We’ll be the ones that leave the longest legacy, you know. The piolets may get all the glory, but without us there won’t be anything left for future generations to study about what nearly killed us all. Without your work then they’ll never be able to see what you see in these gigantic beasts. And I feel like that should count for something, don’t you?”

“I do, Hermann. I really do.” His voice hoarse once more, but conveying the exact amount of thoughtfulness which he intended for his companion to hear.

Curling up more and more into the fluffy blanket now crushing down onto him, and still feeling the light sensation of Hermann’s thumb running itself along his foot. The pain subsiding more and more as the other two feelings crash down on him like the comforting rolling of the waves. Beckoning for him to finally let himself go and feel safe again, until he does.

Hermann watching his chest slowly rise up and down while his eyes, finally, lay closed. Letting out his own heavy sigh as he wonders what the hell has taken hold of his friend now.

And why hadn’t he told him what was going on by now?

Chapter Text

Feeling his body come back into focus once more Newton lets out a groan of pain. A normal occurrence at this point, but still a very unpleasant sensation to experience so early in the– morning?

Waking up more now he props himself up on his hands in confusion. What time is it? How long had he been asleep? Had anyone noticed his absence besides Hermann, or had he made up some excuse for him again? Hell, was he going to have to take a medical exam now to see what was wrong with him? He had been meaning to get around to doing some research on the topic to see if there had been any documentation of this possibly occurring before, but that would have been done through a digital medium. Not a physical one where doctors would poke and prod at him until he spilled his guts on what had been happening to him, and they would laugh at him because it wasn’t possible.

It still didn’t make any sense! None of this was supposed to be possible anyways! Humans weren’t supposed to experience this anyways, and then. Of course the last time hadn’t been like this at all. There hadn’t been any pain this extreme in the lead up to the first time, so why was it gutting him every day now? Was it because he was doing something wrong? Were there more leaves waiting to be let out but he wasn’t allowing it somehow? Was it just that he was putting himself through this hell because of the stress he was experiencing from work and now this ailment?

Trying to sit up more he’s surprised to feel a weight holding his legs down. Turning his head he stares on in utter shock at the sight of Hermann Gottlieb slayed out over his feet. His back pressed right up against his legs so as to pin them down in such a manner that he would be unable to escape. Practically seeming to have planned it that if Newt woke up too soon he would be forced to stay there rather than rushing himself back to his desk.

Really it was an ingenious plan, though Newt’s guts twist up in guilt, for once, as he wonders how much pain Hermann must be in himself. It was clearly an uncomfortable position to go to sleep in, and with his body already aching so much due to his condition. Yet, it was endearing as hell to see him do it. He put someone before himself, one of many times though Newt would never admit it, and was prepared to suffer the consequences of it to protect him.

It was– sweet.

Saccharine even.

Something that just didn’t align with the usual Doctor Gottlieb he was used to being around day in and day out. It was so moving in fact that he found himself unable to hold back a soft smile at the sight. Any thoughts of the coiling and wriggling going on inside of him disappearing for just a moment so that he could appreciate the wonder going on in front of him.

Letting his mind slip for long enough even for him to reach out and run his fingers along his scientific partner’s sleeping face. In the moment it didn’t feel strange, rather it felt natural. An evolution of something that just made sense to him. Feeling the slight edge of his chin his breath hitches briefly as he recoils from continuing to caress him he catches Hermann beginning to stur.

Watching his friend’s eyes flutter open his face flushes in panic while Hermann looks at him very confused. As he begins to open his mouth to ask what was going on he’s met with a shrill, “There was a bug on your face!”

A semi-explanation that he wasn’t quite ready to accept, but seeing the wild look in Newton’s eyes he decided pushing it probably wasn’t the best idea. Besides, if he did– what would come next?

Not something he wanted to deal with today, that’s for sure.

So painfully pulling himself back up into a sitting position next to Newton he begins to process of popping his back. “I’m assuming you got a good nights rest then? I certainly hope so at any rate. It’ll cost my back days of aching at this rate.”

His usual grumblings coming in so swiftly Newt couldn’t help but gawk in surprise just how quickly he seemed to change from peaceful and pretty to his usual snappy self. A truly dissonant man it was incredible the break neck pace he could shift from one to another.

“Yeah, yeah, I did. Thanks dude, I’m feeling a lot– better now.” He remarks this last part in surprise. He really was feeling sort of better. Of course he was deeply embarrassed at the moment, but that would easily base. The pain, however, in all it’s persistence appeared to have passed him by for the time.

Maybe he really did just need to get some more sleep in the end. Of course he could still feel it squirming inside of him, so he wasn’t cured, but it was better then a perpetual quiet scream going on inside of him.

“Well that’s good to hear.” He cooly replies, keeping any confusion or curiosity about what his companion through this shit show had just been doing a few minutes before. Though the sensation of something touching his face kept coming back to him. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I think it’s best if at least one of us goes back to being the responsible one here.”

Trying to follow after him Newt is surprised to find a hand shoving him back onto the bed, very roughly as well. Looking at Hermann, again, in shock he isn’t able to find the words while he instead is very bluntly told, “You’re going to stay here for at least another day. You have a laptop, don’t you? So why don’t you put it to some good use.”

“But I won’t have my–”

“Then it can wait. We’re saving the world and all that, but I still don’t see the world making it very long if you over work yourself into an early grave.” It comes out as a very assertive way of saying it, nearly growling it even, to such an extent that Newt decides it’d be for the best if he listened.

Though he doesn’t stop himself from shooting back, “I could say the same for you at a few points, Hermann.” As the man begins to make his way out of the room.

Pausing in the door frame he turns his head towards Newt. Eventually shaking his head he even lets out a small breathy laugh. Replying with, “Between the two of us I think most people would say you’re usually the most worse for wear.”

And with that, Newton was alone once more.

Still feeling unusually well for the streek he’d been keeping the last few months he does as Hermann advised and retrieves his laptop. It was old, roughed up from years of being tossed around at various points along with being left too close to a few too many liquids, but still reliable enough for him to keep around.

With all that had just happened, and had been happening it was then that he decided enough was enough. It was time to take the next step in actually trying to get treated for whatever this was. The only way to get started on that though was to search up his symptoms. Perhaps a self destructive tendency for some, but with what he was struggling with it he knew he had a better likelihood of finding answers on the web then going to a doctor and trying to describe it to them.

So, nervously he types a short run down of his symptoms.

It sound silly as he does, he even worries that it’ll pull up some fantasy series description of the condition, but he moves forward as he clicks the Enter button and waits for the internet to do it’s work.

Thankfully this particular wait doesn’t take too long as there’s an immediate result. A list of symptoms matching immediately as well a wave of relief comes crashing down over him as he begins to see a way out.

At least, until he sees the crux of this diseases whole existence.

Unrequited love.

And just as he feared it was linked back to old myths of star crossed lovers never being able to tell each other how they felt, and lose one to coughing up flower petals. With the only clear escape from that fate being the remove of those emotions, somehow, or actually being able to confess to the one whom the hero loved.

That didn’t make any sense though.

Like he’d worried it was fiction, but a fiction that was just too close to what he was suffering from for him to out right ignore it.

So, against his better judgment, he accepts that he’s suffering from this seemingly fictitious disease. This hanahaki disease was what was slowly killing him, and while now he had a clearer way forward it wasn’t one that was going to make much sense.

Chapter Text

Just because he knows what his aliment supposedly is doesn't mean he can put his life on hold again. He knows that if he takes more than two days rest he’s wasting too much of the P.P.D.C’s time, and if he’s wasting their time then he’s wasting humanity’s time. Two days in itself feels like too much of a favor to ask in a situation like this. So he stops asking for it and really doe continue on through the pain.

Months go by with the aggression of his condition getting worse and worse. Though the pain doesn’t get as noticeable somehow. Like he built up a tolerance to it all while constantly having to keep it in instead of running off every time something brush against his throat. He’d just– gone numb.

Which, though he’d argue otherwise, was quite noticeable through out the whole of the Shatterdome. He just lost his spunk overnight it seemed. Where once there was an energized soul now there was a shambling husk that did work an nothing more. A few times going to his room, but never in the in-between was there a rambling monologue about the latest specimen or new Category Four. No, there was just solemn eyes peering through was over flowing glasses.

However, no one really felt like it was their place to comment on this. Though gossip still ended up spreading that Newt was going to just keel over one of these days. That his time was growing more and more limited with each assignment he took, and that Pentecost wasn’t giving him enough time off to take better care of himself; or better yet that he was going to drive himself to the brink all because of his “stupid” obsession with these monsters. Practically anything cruel that was believed about him was said around the lunch tables of the Shatterdome, and there wasn’t really anyone to stop them.

A few attempts were made on Tendo’s part, though they largely went unnoticed, but it was Hermann who would make the biggest fuss about it. Any time he’d hear someone whispering about it behind his back his head would snap in their direction with the nastiest glare he could muster. And if they had the balls to say it in front of him? Well they certainly were in for a very long and tiring rant about how they should stay out of other people’s business.

He always made it clear that, “Newton is fine! Just because he seems a little off doesn’t mean he’s going to leave us before out work is finished!” Every time he’d provide more explanations than anyone could possibly keep count of, yet still he made it clear that things were fine. Nothing was wrong, and everything would go back to normal eventually.

Though in reality, he was worried sick. His stomach practically churning everyday with the fear that he really would find Newt dead at his desk. Keyboard stuck to his face while not a single breath is brought into his lungs. Leaving Hermann behind with barely the capability to adequately give the answers the higher ups wanted to hear by himself. He always needed that moral support, even if it came in the form of long drawn out arguments. It was all he needed to know that he was on the right track, and that whether accepted or not he still provided his best.

This sudden dark turn of events truly highlighted, for him, just how much he needed Newt by his side. It was a foolish thing to be worrying about at a time like this, but still in the early hours of the morning it would cross his mind. How he’d treated Newton all these years certainly didn’t make it seem like that they were even friends to begin with, but in their own odd way that’s just how it all worked out.

It may not have always been like this, the letters had their own charm though, but for what it was now it was better then no communication at all. Certainly far nicer to be in each other’s presence at all rather than keeping their distance like what had happened after their first meeting.

Now that was a real argument. A rough angry sort of argument that was so rage inducing that the memory of it was smudged up in red whenever he tired to think of it. So much so that the exact topic of it all was seemingly now lost to time. Perhaps if he asked Newt about it–

Pausing in his creation of mathematical wonders he turns his head over to the other side of the room. Entrails still spilling over the side, though he’d learned to let it go now, and the keyboard clicking away. Only with the caveat of it’s speed being noticeable at this point. Stead, methodical, pointed to such a degree that it was quite clearly an attempt to try and stay awake at the moment.

“You’d be better suited for a bed than a keyboard, Newton.” He curtly states, placing his chalk down and striding over with frustration. “As I have reminded you time and time again if you keep wearing yourself down when the end eventually does come you’ll be of no use to anyone.”

“I’ve told you I’m fine Hermann.” Is returned back to him as the typing continues on at the same pace. “Just stop fussing over me already and get back to work. You’ve wasted nearly as much time me as I have these past few months on myself.”

“It’s not a waste if it’s keeping you–”

“Just drop it Hermann!” Newt snaps, a startling amount of ferocity coming from him as his head whirls back to meet his gaze. “I don’t want to hear it again, okay?”

Recoiling at the sudden amount of anger being thrown his way, for once in his long career with Newton he folds in front of him. Solemnly nodding his head and beginning back to his station. Pausing for a beat to say, “I just don’t want to see you gone too soon.”

The order of things returns promptly there after. Hermann with his chalk, and Newton with his keyboard. However the mood of the room hangs on the far darker side of things as they both consider what fate was inevitably going to befall Newt if he doesn’t change things now.

For Hermann it was the concern of some unknown seemingly new found chronic illness dragging him down below the sea for the rest of eternity, while for Newton it was a mix of strain from the wiggling of his insides and the stress of finding out how this had come to be.

Because, if the internet was to be believed, one would have to be experiencing unrequited love to experience these affects. But, as far as he knew, he’d never experienced that before in his life.

Chapter Text

The clock never stops ticking down though. Always carrying on in its own incessant ways.

A solemn reminder of Newt’s own mortality he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed for once by the looming threat just outside. His beloved kaijus suddenly caused him so much anguish he couldn’t quite describe it. Almost like it had finally occurred to him exactly what kind of situation they were in, and how all ‘normal’ people felt about them.

He’d always been able to understand, on a base level, why they feared them. In his own way he feared them too as well. They were destroying the world he knew each and every day, after all. Yet at the same time the inherent fascination that would run through his veins always over powered the fear.

With this new found coiling sickness though, the ever present threat of the kaijus had more power over him than he was used to. Death was standing closer to him than he was expecting. So when he looked at his precious kaijus now, he likewise saw the same presence around them.

Who knew that when death was close by it would bring someones’ spirits down, Newt certainly didn’t.

Still, though, he had to keep going. In sickness and in health he had sworn himself to help the Shatterdome save the world, and he’d be damned if he was going to let go of that now.

Even if Hermann’s eyes wouldn’t stop hovering over him, even if he had to keep holding in a cough every other minute, and even if he could feel the vines wriggling upwards again.

Time off couldn’t be afforded.

The kaiju’s were getting bigger. They were getting more plentiful too. Their attacks were causing more damage, more lives were being lost, and more Jaegers were falling under their feet.

The clock kept resetting quicker, and quicker, and quicker.

With each passing reset it meant that another chunk was wasted. Another struggle was lost or won or worth nothing. It was a step, but a step in what direction? It was hard to say when the Kaiju seemed to stretch on for infinity, and Newt was a finite being.

A human being that was, somehow, being afflicted by a disease from a storybook. In said stories there was an expectations that there was obvious attraction or attachment somewhere, and that it had to be unrequited.

He hadn’t been attracted to anyone in years though.

Sure there were a few random crushes here and there, a handful of one-night-stands even, but there was no clear attachment he could place with any of them. They weren’t in his life anymore. Hell, many of their numbers were obliterated from his phone years ago while he never got the rest of them.

His work just didn’t allow the consideration of relationships. So a quick fuck here and there, when he could get onto the main land, was able to help with any unresolved tension but he never wanted more. They were a hot man or woman, they would screw, and then they’d part ways.

That was how it was supposed to go.

That was what he wanted from life right now.

His body, in it’s cosmic cruelty, simply did not agree with that assessment though.

If he wasn’t able to figure out who he was attracted to, though, where would that leave his eventual fate? He wouldn't be able to fix the main issue with no clear person to confess to, if he even wanted to confess, so what else was there?

Well, suffering.

Late nights spiralling into matches against his own body as he gagged silently to himself. Sprints to the bathroom being forced into speed walks to not arouse suspicion. Smiling through his teeth as bile edges it’s way up his throats with leaves thick enough to force air away from his lungs. And far too many pills being taken to try and stop the continuous pain in his stomach.

His bathroom was a mess, his trash cans were a mess, and his mind was a mess.

Work and throw up.

That was all he had to live for.

He couldn’t keep avoiding Hermann’s judging eyes either. His body was too heavy to always escape his thoughts and opinions. Even if he wasn’t voicing them his stare was enough. How his brow would furrow and his lip would curl inward. His hand would tighten around his cane and his eyes would twitched as he seemed to consider stepping in once more, only to back away to the chalk board once more.

He knew Newt better than most after all. Once he had his mind set on something it was impossible to get him away from it.

Such as when he, despite the protest of his throat, tried to argue with the returning Jaeger pilot Raleigh Becket. His mixed feelings about the kaiju could easily shift back into the passion from before, but it was a pain to try and not collapse into a bile and bloody pile right then and there as he did.

He wanted this argument to feel like himself again, but he couldn’t sustain that energy. He especially felt it as he tried to explain to Pentecost his idea about kaiju drifting. The idea had been floating around in the back of his mind for ages, but there was just never a good time to bring it up.

Resources were needed elsewhere. His time, Hermann’s time, and Pentecosts time were used in far better ways up until this point. This was a last ditched effort after all. All the cards needed to be played, if possible, to ensure that there could be a tomorrow again. Even if he wasn’t meant to be on the planet for much longer, at least he could pave a way for future generations.

He needed to do something with what little time he had left damnit.

So, when Hermann and Pentecost rejected his theory, he was finally backed into a far enough corner to say fuck it.

He was dying.

There was no way around that.

Stomach acid had already destroyed his throat. There were alien seeds in his intestines and neon plants near his heart. His body had practically already settled into his grave.

What else did he have to lose?

His sanity? It had been in shambles for months.

His job? He and Hermann were all the K-Science they had left.

His life? That was already being syphoned away from him as he built the machine.

It was small thing to offer to the Shatterdome, but it would be something.

If he was able to drift with a kaiju brain.

Chapter Text

Newt wasn’t quite sure what all had happened to him once Hermann ripped the drift technology off his head. His body returned to him first, but it wasn’t quite right. There was something wrong with his fingers and feet. They didn’t feel like they fit the body he was meant to have.

They were clearly his though. His skin was covered in the art he’d payed thousands of dollars for. Yet when his eyes lulled over them they didn’t look correct. They were fuzzy in his vision, but also not there.

He was distant and present as the same time, and he didn’t have the right amount of control over himself as a wave of nausea crashed over him.

His body quickly doubled over as the floor was painted with his bloody and the small amount of lunch he’d been able to previous get down.

Reds, oranges, yellows, and browns swirled together while he begged everything possible to not have a glowing blue plant come up to. He couldn’t handle it if he had to hack up a vine now. He needed a minute.

He needed time to process what the hell he’d seen.

How the kaijus’ had seemed to him speak to him. They starred down at him with their glowing eyes sand barred teeth. At the same time though, it didn't seem to be them speaking. The language was obviously foreign as well. It didn't sound remotely close to anything found on Earth, but also not akin to something that could have come from the hulking beast's throats. Newt had already gone through the process of studying their vocal cords. It just wasn't developed enough to make anything more than growls and roars. Still, there was something more going on.

They were saying things. A very clear language was being spoken through the minds he could see. They were not from any a hulking monster though. Instead they were from strange, spindly, spider-like creatures. The things looked nothing like any of the kaijus he'd cut up. Yet they were still clearly present int what he could see. With them, also, obviously talking to the kaijus too.

Almost as though they were giving them orders.

Oh god, he couldn’t handle it. He had been there with them. His body was beyond himself. For the first time in months he was away from the vines. He couldn’t feel the bile in his stomach burning away what was left of him. He was just under water. Completely gone from the Shatterdome in one fell swoop.

Was that what death was going to feel like?

His brain couldn’t wrap itself around the sensations that were being sent through it. The hot acid from his stomach barely felt real anymore. It as just something coming out of him. Another byproduct of pain that he was having to endure.

Then he felt something shock him on his back.

It wasn’t a real shock, not really, but it was a sensation different from the others. It was the grit of the concrete or the searing pain from his insides. It was akin to light rubbing.

Back and forth, back and forth, it went over his spine.

He physically shook and recoiled from it, but it didn’t stop for even a second.

He was then able to pick up on the low murmuring that was being fed into his left ear. They were careful, comforting, words that didn’t immediately register as english to him. Only for it then to become more clear what it was.

“Are you okay?”

Hermann.

His hand started patting around the floor for his colleague before it was quickly grabbed. He felt it being squeezed and then his body collapsed in that direction. Words continued to flow into Newt's head with a barge of "What did you do? Why would you do this? What were you thinking?" each with an added layer of concern to it.

The vomiting had stopped, but instead a fit of shaking took it’s place.

He couldn’t keep himself together. Everything felt wrong. There was nothing for him to do. The voices were too loud and their eyes were too bright. They saw him, maybe? He would have sworn they looked right at him, but it was beginning to muddle now. The important information was still there, the things that Pentecost would want to hear about, but the grander scale was washing away with the blood in the waves.

He was forgetting it all. The large beasts around him were muddling together and the description of the spider aliens mixed with the rest of them. He still knew they were there. He couldn't forget that they were there. They were the worst part of it all, but he couldn't see them anymore. They weren't in his minds eye now. They weren't at his side anymore. No, it was just him and Hermann again. Though there were still murmurs in the back of his mind. They were talking about him. He just knew that they were.

“I don’t want to go.” He eventually choked out. He’d long since started sobbing by then, but he wasn’t even able to realize that until he heard the warble of sadness in his voice.

They were whispering about him. Their eyes looked through him and they knew what he knew more than ever. They kept starting at his stomach. If they could snicker he would have sworn they were as they found amusement in the concept of his suffering. That something that was thought to be fictional was able to strike a human down appeared to hit close to home for them. They brought the monsters of old Hollywood and Japanese movies to life. The King Kongs and Godzillas of the world now had more credibility in reality than anyone would have been able to guess few decades ago, and the same found be said for the situation that Newt found himself in.

“You won’t, Newton, I’m right here. You’re okay. Nothing is going to happen.” Hermann reassured.

Newt shook his head back and forth while he tried to stop the sobs from escaping his throat. The sore, ragged, source of the noises causing him more pain than he was already in as it's already damaged state was inflamed. "No, no, no, you don't understand. I'm going to die, Hermann. I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t want to go yet. There is still so much to learn. And I won’t be there.”

Hermann’s hands wrapped themselves tightly around Newt as he continued to reassure him. “No, you won't. Not yet, at least. Not while I’m here. I won’t let it. Rely on me just this once. I promise I won’t let anything happen.”

“You don’t even know what’s happening!”

“Then tell me! Tell me why it is that you are always coughing now. Tell me why you keep gagging on food or choking on air when there aren’t any problems. Tell me what the hell is going on, Newton. I can’t help you if I’m being left in the dark.”

It was an obvious opportunity. Hermann was practically begging him to talk to him. He couldn’t find it in him to explain everything in that moment though.

There were too many people demanding more from him. Hermann wanted answers, Pentecost would want information, and the kaijus were still in there. Each individual wanted a different piece of him torn out and held out on display. They wanted their questions answered, but he didn’t have the energy for that now.

“I can’t Hermann, not right now.”

“Why? Why can’t you tell me what the hell is happening to you?”

“I can still hear them in my head, Hermann. I need to talk to the Marshal before it goes away.”

“What would possibly go away?”

His body perked up then. If nothing else it showed that while he was in a state of disrepair hyperfixations could help even at the worst of times. “Answers, Hermann. I have answers now. There are so many things we didn't know before. It'll help our side in this fight.”

Hermann’s face scrunched up with frustration while he looked over to the door. Carefully he raised himself up before he helped Newton reach for a table and then stumble to a seat. Newton could tell that his knee was causing him issues, but he never said anything. Instead he returned to the main point at hand, “Fine, I’ll get Pentecost.”

“Thank you, Hermann.”

“But don’t forget, we will be talking about this later.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything else.”

“Good, because I don’t want to deal with anymore evasion from you. Just because you want to keep living in a delusion that everything is alright doesn’t mean I want to.”

Newton offered him an uneasy nod before he watched him hobble through the metallic door and down the hall. His pacing was faster than he would normally expect, but it showed that he understood the necessity to hurry.

As he sat there though, the sensations in his body returning to focus, he realized that he now had to figure out how to begin talking about it. How would he even begin to convince Hermann that he was being afflicted with something straight from fairy tales?

He wouldn’t was the problem.

At least, not if he couldn’t show his partner in science proof.

His gaze slid over to the large pile of vomit still on the floor. Not a single neon leaf was in there, but he knew they were still inside of him. There was a low sensation of wriggling deep in his stomach. So it wouldn’t be hard to show Hermann.

Still, would he even be able to help him like he was hoping?

Newton wasn’t sure.

Chapter Text

Hermann’s need for an explanation had to be put on pause though with one order from Pentecost.

Newt was in no position to argue with his superior when he was told to find Hannibal Chau, and a part of him was happy that he was being useful again, but as his eyes glided over to Hermann he could tell that he wanted to argue with Pentecost.

It was out of character to show that much distress and something someone who out ranked him had said. He was such a neutral character when it came to orders that any obvious expression was out of character for him. Yet there he was, opening and closing his mouth with the obvious intent to protest the choice before falling back into place.

His eyes wouldn’t leave Newt though. Where he would usually acknowledge his superior, here he only seemed capable of acknowledging Newton.

It was intimidating, stomach churning, and a horrible reminder of the promise he’d just made.

They both already knew that Hermann wasn’t going to forget it anytime soon, and that because of that Newton would have to cough up some kind of sense in the chaos sooner rather than later.

In all fairness, there wasn’t even the slightest bit of hesitation within him as he scrambled over to find Hannibal Chau.

Hermann tried to talk with him in the midst of that scramble, but he brushed it off.

He refused to stop moving now.

His guts were coiling again.

His throat was sore from the screaming and the bile, but he had a goal now.

He had something that he could clearly get down. It was more than he’d had before, at least. Time was feeling more finite. The kaiju’s looming presence in the back of his mind was one small part of a larger picture really. A larger picture that now seemed to feature the Grim Reaper more and more.

He’d never been afraid to die before.

He never thought he would be afraid to die.

Since doing his research, though, it had been a steadily creeping issue. To accept that he was going to die was not conducive with the work he needed to get done, after all. People in the Shatterdome had to fight of existential thoughts like constantly. It was an on going issue with the need for some form of therapy for most of the Shatterdome’s works at one point or another, but now it wasn’t as easy to access with lack of funding.

The need was still there, though.

It was an understandable one too. There was no shame to be found in the crises that came with that line of work. It had just not been an issue for Newt before then.

He already knew that hyperfixations could take him far in this regard. His whole line of work was based around his inescapable passion for these giant beasts. So in that it was easier for him to set aside the world ending threat that they presented.

They were a large scale threat. For so much of his life it was easier to keep the thoughts of that destruction at an arm’s length. He had his passion, that is what he would focus on.

That was his plan even if the end was coming closer, but now that there was a far more intimate threat it was hard to keep those thoughts at bay.

As he landed in Hong Kong those thoughts were still there. The sensations and sounds coming from his stomach were increasing, and he already knew what the outcome for it would look like. Instead, he kept moving.

He got off the helicopter and followed the clues that Pentecost had given him.

He went to Hannibal Chau, he did the talking that was necessary, he swallowed his insides as he stood there and felt the blood bubble inside of him, and then the Kaijus arrived.

Adrenaline and fear were enough to keep him going. It wasn’t enough to suppress the painful gargles coming from his insides, but it was enough to give him the energy to not double over in the middle of the street and let his guts spill out for the entire world to see.

That adrenaline was enough to get him into a shelter, but it was not enough to suppress the increasing fearful realization that he was in this situation because he was what the kaiju wanted. That Hannibal Chau’s assertion that he was the entire reason they would choose to attack Hong Kong now and that must have been looking for the other half of the drift was, in fact, correct.

That was the thought that rattled around his head as the beast held domain just above the bunker, and the one that collided into his curiosity when the ceiling caved in and he was finally confronted with his wish.

A kaiju was there in front of him. He may not have been able to see its whole body, but he still knew it was there. He was up close and personal with the inside of it’s mouth, the tongue being a particular fascination to him in that moment, and he could feel his heart begging for an escape.

Just as quickly as it was there, it left him behind.

Shatterdome was clearly working its stuff, but that didn’t leave him any less rattled. He briefly fell to his knees and let some blood and leaves dribble out of his mouth.

He gritted his teeth though and swallowed down what remained. He still had a goal to accomplish. He was going to get it done, even if it fucking killed him.

Things went about as smoothly as he could have expected after that though. Finding Hannibal Chau again was a snitch, and so was convincing him to help find the secondary brain once Lady Danger did her magic.

It was when the baby Kaiju showed up that surprised him.

His hand twitched slightly at the sight of it. Something about it felt familiar, yet it was still obviously a surprise. There had never been a documented case of a pregnant kaiju.

If it was meant as a surprise for him, though, it certainly worked. He was very surprised, but not enough to stop him from moving forward with his job.

Another drift.

That’s all he needed.

Then he could go back to the Shatterdome.

Maybe die there, if that’s what was coming for him next, if that was his future. Though it was hard to say if it would be because of the plants in his chest or the Kaiju winning the war.

Still, he was racing to the finish line. He didn’t skip a beat to get his equipment together to drift with the baby’s brain.

The world around him didn’t matter anymore. He just had to get this one thing done. He had one more thing to do. One more gift he could give this dying world, and then he could do whatever needed to come next.

He was treating it as though it were his last action as a dead man, which he probably was, but it certainly brought a tense tone to every action he was taking. Every key he clicked or every spike he inserted felt as though it carried a new found weight to it. His steps felt heavy and his eyes felt buggy as he looked around. At any other point he might have chalked it up to sleep deprivation or some other internal issue he didn’t have time for, but now he had to consider if it was his body giving up on him.

His lungs were heavy too.

They had been for months now, but the weight was more noticeable then.

He just had to get it done.

He just had to get this over with.

He just had to–

“Newton?”

Oh god.

“Hermann, what are you doing here?”

“Pentecost sent me to help you with this assignment.”

“Well I’m kinda busy here so if you have something you wanna say just say it. I’m not interested in any arguments right now and I can’t explain anything like this.”

“I know, that’s why I’m going with you.”

During their discussion Newt had been busying himself with the last few things he needed to finish, but that statement got his attention.

“You're serious? You’d do that for me? Or, you'd do that with me?”

“Well, with worldwide destruction a certain alternative, do I really have a choice?”

There was a smile clearly on Hermann’s face, and Newt felt genuinely relieved for the first time in ages.

There was someone by his side for this.

There was someone there for him.

He felt himself actually get giddy again. He felt like himself again as he said, “Then say it with me my man, we’re gonna own this bad boy!”

He held his hand up his hand out for Hermann to take, but instead he watched as his scientific partner struggled to get a hold of it. His hands shook as he switched from a fist bump to a hand shake before he just grabbed a hold of it.

“By Jove we are going to own this thing for sure!” He had the most enthusiastic smile he’d ever seen. Things felt right when he saw it, and they were both able to share a laugh together after it.

There was no pain in his stomach then, there was just Hermann’s smiling face.

It was nice.

It didn’t take long after that for both of them to get hooked into the drift equipment. Hermann nervously looked at Newt and the kaiju but kept his nerve. He didn’t look ready at all for what was coming next, but he was nothing if not a man who would keep his word. That was one of the good things about him really. He was a good person to a fault, and he was ready to show that to Newton. He had so many qualities Newt could admire; he'd just never taken the time to consider them.

That time wasn’t available to him though. Not when he held the button in his hand to activate the neural handshake.

“Ready for this?”

Hermann didn’t respond. Newton moved forward.

“Initiating neural handshake in five, four, three, two, one.”

He felt the rush again.

That jolt that came with entering into the drift space once more, but this time there was a greater sense of comfort and understanding.

It wasn’t just alien eyes peering down at him like before. It was also watching Hermann’s life play out in two times speed.

Events he’d been told about over letters were now flowing into his cranium as though they were his own. The kaiju may have been there as well, but there was no crashing wave of horror to sink into this time.

He knew what to expect, so he could focus more on the other side of the coin he could watch. Though he was also able to soak in what information he needed.

There was Hermann and there was the end of the world.

Two sides of two vastly different coins, but both with their own merit of information.

As the two of them came out of it Newt made sure to ask, “Are you okay?”

He didn’t get a response though. Instead he had to watch Hermann bend over and throw up slightly. Barely avoiding his own feet.

It was odd.

He seemed stiff.

There was something in his face that went beyond the realization the current plan wasn’t going to work. That in itself was a horrifying thing to have to see, but it was a little reassuring to grasp while all other attempts failed before. Now they could help the others too, so why was his face like that?

It looked like something more akin to anger, and that didn’t make sense. Not with the context they were coming at this with.

So why would Hermann be angry?

What would he have to be angry about?

Hermann held a handkerchief to his mouth as he growled, “Why didn’t you tell me that you were sick?”

Oh.

That.

Right.

The plants.

He saw the plants.

“Shit.”

Chapter Text

“Shit? All you have to say to that is shit?” Hermann’s voice edged along the thin line of anger and panic. A shrillness coming out that didn’t appear to fit him at all. When he got upset his voiced generally stayed even. It never pitched up and down like Newt’s did. Well, until just then.

“Don’t really have much else to offer right now, Hermann.”

Newt took a step back from Hermann as he began to advance on him. Any display of his usual sensible self was practically none existent. He was clearly incensed, but at the same time Newton didn’t know what else to offer him. All the answers he had were now in Hermann’s head as well, yet he clearly wanted more from this exchange.

Was it an apology he wanted?

Why would he feel the need to apologize though?

Yeah, it could be argued that he’d screwed up in a few areas. That he could have tried to explain everything to Hermann earlier in an attempt to get outside help, but should he have?

It’s not like he could reasonably have expected that Hermann would even believe his affliction to be real. What would he even have to do to convince him of that? Break down in the lab and throw up a vine or some pink leaves? No, somehow even then he expected Hermann to find some logical explanation to it all.

Neither of them were supposed to be prone to more fantastical ways of thinking, but it still felt easier for Newt to get it. Whether it be because he was the one who was experiencing it or he was already able to go down long winding rabbit holes it was easier for someone to believe he would understand it.

Not Hermann though. No, of the two of them Hermann was supposed to be the most logical. He was the one who focused on math and waxed poetics about god and the world. He was the one who presented himself as the component part of the K-Science facilities. He was the reliable and believable one, and Newt was not.

So what was he supposed to do?

“You don’t have much else to offer? How do you not have anything else to offer?”

Newt’s eyes darted around the area as Hannibal Chau’s men started to depart, but their eyes were clearly on the two of them.

They’d gotten the information they needed but they were instead causing an unnecessary scene. They needed to get back to the Shatterdome. They had a job to do, and they needed to get this part of it done damnit.

“Hermann, now isn’t a good time to get into this.”

“Of course it’s not a good time. It’ll never be a good fucking time.”

Newt flinched at the harsh nature of that word. It wasn’t that Hermann was against cursing it was just that he didn’t normally do it. So he hear curse words coming from his mouth back to back was startling.

“No, Hermann, I mean it really isn’t a good time. Like, you saw that too, right?”

Hermann’s expression shifted just enough for Newt to catch that he’d gotten through to him. Where he’d had lip curled upwards just before it now faltered with a new horror in his eyes.

“The Jaegers, the breach, the plan.”

“It’s not going to work!”

Hermann’s face tensed again, “We need to let them know.”

Newt nodded, “I promise, if we survive this, we will talk about it.”

Hermann looked his partner in k-science over, before nodding. “Fine, if we survive then.”

The two promptly rush in the direction of the Shatterdome’s helicopter. As the they make their way through the rubble of Hong Kong though, Newt can feel the twists and turns in his stomach getting worse. His sides begin to cramp up and his throat burns but there were more important matters at hand.

When the world was saved then he could finally start to save himself, if either of them lasted that long.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To say it sincerely, the world survived.

Though the Jaeger pilots were going to get all the praise in the media, Hercules Hanson had already assured both Hermann and Newt that their part in this victory was not going to go unrecognized. Even if it was by out of the norm means, they would still be appreciated by the Shatterdome.

That was all well and good. Hell, there was even a moment where Hermann and Newt just stood there. They both smiled at the collective joy around them and Newt reached a hand around Hermann. He shook his friend a little while they continued to appreciate the moment.

They’d done it.

The world was safe.

However, Newt’s legs began to shake as the cramping got worse.

Smiling was a good way to assure people that things were fine, even if they weren’t. He’d learned that lesson ages ago and he’d used it multiple times through out his life. So as he stood there with his colleagues from the Shatterdome, there wasn’t a single part of him that wanted them to know just how much his insides were hurting. Not even as his stomach tensed and that bloody bile laden mix burned his throat.

He just swallowed it back down as he had been for weeks. He felt a pinch at his side though. It wasn’t an internal pinching though. No, he looked down and Hermann’s hand was at his side. His eyes were squarely focused on him, and he grabbed ahold of Newt’s jacket and started dragging him.

Newt opened his to protest, but instead a little bit of vomit dribbled out. He quickly whipped it away though the damage had already been done. Hermann was forcing him forward, as fast as possible, down the metallic Shatterdome hallways.

They passed many of their colleagues who looked at the two fo them with curiosity as they were both practically sprinting at that point. Newt was helping support Hermann as they did just as much as Hermann was guiding him back to his room.

The two of them were one unit moving through those halls, and they had the singular goal of getting to the bathroom.

Eventually, after a few missteps, with them both stumbling around, and a few close calls when it came to Newt gagging, they made it to his room.

He doubled over when they finally reached the cramped bathroom. Hermann helped him take off his jacket as he let the bile, blood, vomit, plants, and stomach acid out of him. It was practically a tidal wave of gunk and junk that had been boiling inside of him.

Little pink and blue leaves floated around the toilet bowl with all the other discolored browns and yellows that might have come from something he’d eaten, but he couldn’t remember now.

He could feel Hermann move his hair out of his face. He thought that he might have even been saying something to him but he couldn’t make it out now. There were already a lot of sounds coming from himself and it made things harder to understand than he would have liked.

All he could do was clutch the toilet bowl fro dear life as plant roots destroyed his insides and the vines connected to them slinked through way out of him.

One in particular, as usual, got caught at the end. It’s body either being too thick for his air ways or the roots got caught on something inside of him, it refused to leave. He sat there gagging and choking on it before he reached out to start pulling, only to find that his hand was too late.

“I’m sorry, this is probably going to hurt.” Hermann said, as he used all his strength to yank it out.

Newt made some noises akin to an scream and a gag, but after that noise the plant was out. He spit up blood for a few minutes but found himself completely emptied on the inside.

Everything hurt, but he’d made it through again.

As he let out a pained sigh he slumped back against the wall. Or, he tried to. Instead he found himself against Hermann. He hadn’t realized exactly where he was in the room and he was then leaning onto his chest.

He attempted to move forward to apologize, but Hermann hooked his arms around his waist and blocked his attempt.

“Are you feeling better?”

Newt awkwardly sat back down but he noticed that Hermann looked a little ill himself. “Yeah,” he croaked it out, “it’s settled down.”

“Good, that’s good.” Hermann also let out a sigh as he did genuinely appear to be getting sick himself.

“Are you okay?”

“Just feeling a little bit clammy. Probably just a side affect of the drift.”

“Oh, yeah, so everytime I get sick that means you will too. I’m sure we’re going to love that.”

Hermann rolled his eyes, “There are other things to be commenting on than that.”

“Sure, like how this is cause of unrequited love? Right? That’s what you wanted me to say, yeah?”

That got Hermann’s face to wrinkle up, “Being blunt about doesn’t make it any more believable.”

“But you believe it, right?”

“The drift wa enlightening for many things. It’s not like I’m going to deny it when I just pulled a plant out of your mouth.”

Newt let his head lull against Hermann. “And I still don’t get how this is happening.”

“You haven’t been able to think of anyone that you’re attracted to?”

“No, it’s not like I get out a lot. Things are just quick, you know? There wasn’t time to really get to know anyone, or even keep up a relationship.”

Hermann’s eyes looked away from Newt. His face was still hard to read amongst all the worry, but he was coming off more nervous than anything else.

“What? Why are you looking like that? Don’t do that. What are you thinking?”

“It’s just, with everything going on, and the world not ending, don’t think of it in relation to your job. There’s going to be more going on than that now. We’re not racing to stop the end of the world. We just ended it.”

Newt felt his eyes widen as he began considering what Hermann meant. Sure, he had been thinking about it against what he’d been dealing with in the moment. It maybe shortened the way he was thinking about it because of that inevitable sense of doom, but also still felt accurate.

There hadn’t been time before.

He just hadn’t had anyone in his life like that.

Or, well, there was one person who was always there with him.

They were stuck together even if they pursued different paths in life, or refused to stop arguing. They kept staying by each other's side through it all. They continued to care about one another even if they weren’t on good terms at any given moments. They argued, sure, but it was just a way of showing that they cared.

“There’s only one person I could think to fit that bill.”

“Should we reach out to them then? I doubt they would understand the circumstances exactly, so we shouldn’t explain it to them, but if you just confess on the spot they might also reject you.”

“No, Hermann, I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

Newt’s face was growing progressively redder as he reflected on everything they had been through. The letters, the fall out, the colleagues dynamic, the work trips shared together, even when he'd gotten sick. They were friend, technically, but neither of them were ever comfortable with that term.

They were always fighting, right? They disagreed with each other so much that it was just easier to be colleagues. Friendship didn’t need to come into it if they just kept it at that distance. It was easier that way. There didn’t need to be any complicated apologies then. They could just quietly resent each other until they moved on with the next argument. That was just how they got things done.

Affection didn’t come into any of it.

But it did, didn’t it?

They both worried for the other. They both cared about the other. They would argue about either or needing to take care of themselves more. Water or food was an item they would provide each other without another though. And then there was when Hermann looked after him when he was sick.

No, affection had seep itself into their daily lives.

They just weren’t able to see it yet.

“Who is it then?”

Newt opened his mouth slightly, but Hermann’s eyes widened without him even needing to say anything.

“No.”

“Don't be like that, Hermann. Please don't be like that right now.”

“But you're not sure. You don't sound sure at least.”

“No, no, I am sure. It’s the only option that makes sense.”

Hermann looked even more distressed than he had when Newt was sick, but there also seemed to be tears welling up in his eyes then.

“It's not just an option, Newton. If it's just an option then it's not true. Looking at it like that doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense that you wouldn't be absolutely certain.”

Newt’s brow furrowed with how upset Hermann was coming off. Was it that he was upset the realization was happening because of this? Did he not share the feelings as well and he knew that things were about to go south because of it?

It wasn’t adding up.

"Feelings are complicated. Things have always been complicated between us. It's not impossible to imagine that things might have started to grow at some point."

"And you weren't able to catch it?"

"Not like there was a lot of time to notice that kinda thing. It just was. We would argue we would look after each other, things just kinda happened. Not much to wonder about when we were always working together."

Hermann continued to look displeased with the conclusion but didn't protest any more. "Then say it. Say what you need to get over this."

Newt didn’t feel compelled to say anything though. It felt wrong to push that kind statement onto Hermann when he was so clearly upset. If anything, he assumed, that he was put off by the circumstances. It wasn't exactly the best place to realize that your colleague, technically best friend, had been in love with you for so long that the universe itself decided to curse him. A crampt, dirty, bathroom was not the first option either of them would have expected a confession in, yet there they were.

So, instead, Newt decided to take a different route. It didn't require many words, but he still decided to say, “It’s gonna be okay.”

Hermann opened his mouth to ask what he meant, and as he did Newt lift himself up so that their lips met. It was a strange sensation with how Hermann's lips were positioned, but it still felt better than saying something.

Who needed words when they were already in each other’s heads, right?

Chapter Text

Hermann, by all estimations, was very clearly not expecting that outcome. At least, Newt was assuming he wasn’t. He didn’t pull away from him by any means. Though when the kiss eventually ended his eyes were quite wide. His mouth, also, continued to stay open.

So, shock was obviously the main emotion he was feeling.

“Why did you do that?” Hermann whispered, his eyes were still at the widest they could be and his lips barely moved as he spoke. He was completely taken with what had just occurred, yet it was hard to pinpoint the emotions he was feeling at all.

“Because I wanted to? Did you not–”

“Of course I did!” Newt recoiled from the sudden noise but color immediately appeared in Hermann’s face as he said it. He went from being so far away to so very present with just a few words. “Newton, of course I enjoyed it.”

There was a new layer of pain on Hermann’s face as he said it. He looked genuinely upset that he would even suspect that he didn’t enjoy it. He way his body had jolted toward him even though he was sitting in his lap, it was new. This eager energy in his eyes didn’t fit in his stuffy frame, yet there it was.

He was excited about it, maybe.

Excited and Hermann weren’t exactly words that felt like they really fit, but that was the best word that Newt could put on the expressions he was giving him.

He was excited.

He’d only seen him get excited over his math. That was where his spark used to lye. Yet, here he was, displaying that exact same energy toward him.

It was a good start, actually. Better than Newt would have normally expected to come from him.

“Okay, just asking a question like that isn’t really gonna convince a guy that you enjoyed it.”

“I meant, the articles said that you needed to confess your feelings.”

“That counts, Hermann. I think kissing someone should count as some kind of confession.”

Hermann’s brow stayed furrowed as his eyes showed more concern than Newt normally would expect from him, but there was also a weird expectation of it. The main part of him was surprised to see it. He was so used to Hermann being neutral or passively concerned that to so obviously see panic was a shock, but it felt natural at the same time.

Was this an affect of the drift? There was too much inherentness to it. It was making sense when another part of him was telling him that it wasn’t. There was conflict around it. The kind conflict that didn’t make sense because it was such a small detail.

He’d have to look into it further later, but what he needed to be thinking about was Hermann.

“No, no, we need to be sure.” Hermann leaned his head in closer so that their eyes could meet. “I want to hear you say it.”

“You want to hear it or you need to hear me say it? Cause it sounds like you’re pretty desperate here, Herm”

“Is it being desperate if I want to be ceratin that you’ll no longer be dying from the inside out?”

“Eh, yeah, kinda.”

Hermann scoffed and rolled his eyes once more, as he was so prone to do, before he pulled something Newt really wasn’t expecting, “Please, Newton, I need to hear you say it.”

Newt’s jaw went slightly slack as it dawned on him that he got Hermann to beg him for something, before he eagerly obliged. His own cheeks started to turn pink as he did though, “Hermann, despite all the arguments we’ve had, and all the times we’ve considered to kill each other, I love you.”

“You couldn’t even get through that without making a dig at me?”

“Who said I was making a dig? Just wanted to be accurate to the situation we’re in.”

Once again, a scoff left Hermann’s lips. Though this one did have a smile at the end of it as he followed up the confession with his own.

“Newton, in spite of your hair brained ramblings, and your rebellious spirit leading you to unnecessary fist fights, and your tendency to not take proper care of yourself–”

“We both do that dude. Don’t call me out for something we both do.”

“Fine, fine, in spite of your inane obsession with the very monsters that were trying to kill us.”

“Better.” Newt turned his head upward in a mocking way, but mostly to try and hide the very clear red that was creeping up underneath the red. Though all it did was show off his cheeks more which worked against his attempt.

Hermann shot him a quick glare before continuing, “You have become a vital part of my life. And, through much consideration, I have realized that I love you. I have loved you and will always love you, Newton. I look forward to the days we can now share together since the world is no longer ending, and the nights we will finally be able to sleep through because of it.”

Newt’s face had long since gone from pink to red as Hermann continued his monologue. It was such a genuine display of understanding and care. It made his remarks feel worthless in comparison.

He felt the need to show his appreciation of it.

It felt easy to kiss Hermann again. There was no need to make it some grand gesture anymore. It didn’t have to have any greater connotation than care to it. He wanted to show Hermann that he cared. So he leaned in again and let himself disappear.

They both sort of did in that moment.

There was no greater need to differentiate the two because they were always going to be one. Their bodies were close and bound in so many different ways, work, the drift, and romance, that they both reacted to the new need for the other’s affection eagerly.

Any of Hermann’s former uptightness didn’t appear to present itself right then. No, he came off as just as excited by this love as Newton. The way his mouth moved against Newt’s showed just how much he wanted to join him in this expression.

They were eating at each other, but there was enough distance that neither took a direct bite.

They were separate yet connected, different yet similar, and combined yet apparte all at once.

They were in love and washing against the drift.

They had found the perfect point for them, and they could finally start to build a life beyond K-Science and the threat of death.

Though, flowers were always going to have a different context to them.

Chapter Text

Newt glared slightly at the roses on the table. It was a joke between the two of them at this point that there should always be flowers somewhere in the house at all times. Sometimes even in places Newton wouldn’t expect, just to keep him on his toes. There was never any real anger behind his glares at them though, at least not since he and Hermann realized that he was well and truly on his way to recovery after two years of holding their breath.

Through all the parties and late nights packing, there was barely time to process what had happened between them. No one else knew about the flower debacle and just saw their closeness as being a side affect of the drift, or didn’t comment on it at all.

Though, Tendo did ask about the lack of arguments he’d been hearing since they began cleaning out their labs. There was this cheeky smile on his face as he had, and both of their faces immediately started to get hot once it became clear why.

It was hard to split them up after the bathroom, though. There was a new, strange, status quo that had been established in there. No one else was aware of it, not even Newt and Hermann were quite able to grasp what it was either, but it was there. It laid silently in wait until the two of them were alone once again.

That was when they would hold each other close.

They would cling to the other’s body for support and theirs hands needed to find some kind of rest on the other. That was why they were so frequently seen holding the other’s hand as they dealt with the dissolution of the Shatterdomes. K-Science would live on in history books and the lectures they would be asked to give in the future, but as their world they’d both learned to live in crumbled around them the support was more necessary than ever.

Especially, at night. That was when Newt would choke on his own breath, that was when he would jolt upward with a scream stuck in his throat and his hands clawing at his throat, and that was when he would start to cough violently.

He’d been holding his breath in his sleep.

Hermann would sit up as well then. He’d wrap his arms around Newt and grab ahold of his hands. He’d tell him that he was okay, the disease was gone, and that things were getting better.

Most importantly, though, he’d constantly remind New that he was there with him. It was clear that the disease was only allowed to progress as far as it did because he decided to isolate himself from Hermann’s help, but that wouldn’t be the case anymore.

Come hell or high water, the two of them decided that they would not part. There were a lot of discussions bordering on arguments about the topic. Relocations were the biggest issue for those who were left within the Shatterdome’s facilities.

Jobs needed to be created, houses needed to be found, and next steps needed to be decided. There were so many difficulties that no one had considered as they were using robots to beat up the monsters, but now they couldn’t be avoided.

After enough arguments were had, though, Hermann and Newt came out of it the most unscathed. They had the option to take on any kind of work they wanted as they didn’t have any direct affiliation anymore. They still kept in contact with Mako and Herc and Tendo, but it felt necessary to take that step back with how Newt was struggling then.

They both needed a break.

Five years later, and that much hadn’t changed.

They got out and continued their research. There were people who were, surprisingly, interested in what they had to say about what the Kaiju’s once were. People wanted to hear them both talk about what they were able to find out, what their work meant now, and just generally wanted to know more.

They weren’t allowed to talk about what they found in the drift. Hell, beyond official documents, they weren’t allowed to talk about the fact that they did drift.

It was one thing for the public to think that they were just being attacked by brainless monsters, but an entirely different one to learn it was all planned by higher life formers, apparently.

It didn’t end up mattering much in the end. The two of them did the work they wanted to, the talks they wanted to, but spent most of their time at home, together.

They bought a place in Virginia, of all places. Newt had been up there once and said that it was pretty nice. And after everything that had happened, that would be enough. Between both of their salaries and savings, anyways, they were able to get a place in a nice tucked away location.

It was in a relatively large neighborhood and in a largeish house so that they could hold any equipment they were able to retain after their departure from the K-Science facilities. The biggest selling point for them, though, was the backyard.

Flowers were a touchy subject, sure, but the idea of getting to build something so natural from the ground up together, it sounded nice.

So they built their bliss from the ground up together. They did what they could when they could and did what they wanted when they wanted. It wasn’t much really, coming from such a scientific life, but it was more than either of them would have been able to guess they could have a while before, and they didn’t want to take it for granted.

Since it was them, however, they still had their points to poke and prod. There were jokes they could play and there were arguments that just felt right. They could have their fights and just as easily go to bed and cling to the other and not have to worry about doubt that the other would be gone.

They had this life for five years, and it was going to be hard for anyone or anything to tear that down from them.

Still, flowers were a funny thing to think about now. Such a romantic gesture now felt hollow to Newt. He still had nightmares every now and then. When he would have stomach pain his throat would tighten with the kind of panic that he knew all too well. Time had pasted, but his body was still scarred from what happened. He was still shaken by it.

Logic could not explain what had come over him in the span of six months. Nothing he or Hermann read or researched could easily unravel the fairy tale, and they had accepted that they never would.

It was just another secret that they had to keep, but it didn’t weigh on their shoulders at all.

It happened and, just like the kaiju, they made their own way forward.

“Are you coming to the garden?” Hermann asked, he wrapped his hands around Newt’s waist and let his eyes also fall on the roses. “I’m sorry to say but they are in bloom right now.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know they are. Still doesn’t mean they need to be on the counter like this.”

“I’m going to give them to our neighbors the next chance I get. I just thought they looked nice right there, though.” He squeezed Newt slightly. “Don’t be petty. You never puked up roses.”

“It’s still a flower.”

“You said you were getting over this resentment. You told me you were when we started planting them out back.”

“I also said that I wasn’t sure if I wanted them in the house or not.”

Hermann rolled his eyes but leaned in and gave a him a kiss on the forehead. “They’ll be gone by tomorrow, love, I promise. Now come out back. The sun is setting and I don’t want to get eaten by mosquitoes.”

“That’ll happen either way.”

“Oh hush, I’ll wait for you out there.”

He gave Newton one more kiss before grabbing a cup of tea, opening the back door, and heading down the patio’s stairs. The garden lay in front of him with a circle of trees surrounded a variety of flowers, bushes, and vines. Bee boxes were in one corner with bird feeds and bird bathes were in another. Squirrels and foxes had clearly built their homes in the ecosystem they’d built, and the sounds of chirping bugs surrounded it all.

It was nice and it was theirs.

Newt gave one last look to the flowers, let out a quick sigh, before grabbing his own cup. His contained hot chocolate, but it was still a warm, comforting, drink. It felt right to have it as he walked down the stairs and joined Hermann on the aged stone bench.

They’d bought it back when they first started building this world, and now it was dirty and grimy from lack of a good wash. It showed that time had passed though. It was another reminder that time was moving forward.

They were moving forward.

Things could still grow and change in this altered world, and they had carved out their place in it.

The world had been scared and so had they. There was still time to get better. Things could get better, things were getting better, and they had taken that chance to enact change.

Hermann scooted closer to Newt until their shoulders touched. He sipped his tea and then leaned his head against his husband’s.

They didn’t need anyone to see them to find this peace, they just needed each other.

“Thank you, for sticking around, Newton.”

“Where is this coming from? It’s not even our anniversary!”

“Shut it, just let me have this.”

Newt chuckled, “Fine, fine, continue your little sentimental monologue.”

Hermann scoffed before he continued, “I see what we’ve been able to build together, and I think back to that night before I knew. When I was there with you on your bed. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t found out. If that night had been it, and then you just–”

“Hermann, don’t do that to yourself, dude.”

“Not like I can help it when it’s 2 AM.”

“It’s fine now. Everything worked out. Don’t worry about what’s already happened, okay, love?”

Hermann nuzzled his head against Newt’s. “I know, I just want to appreciate what we have here. That we are here.”

Newt turned his head so that he could look directly at Hermann. He placed a kiss on his nose as he said, “Save it for the anniversaries, honey.”

They sat like that as dusk rolled in and the sky went from orange, to pink, to purple, and finally black. As the bugs got louder and the night time animals began to prowl around, neither one of them wanted to pull away from the other.

Their drinks were long since cold by the time they were able to break their trance, but neither of them cared. Hermann locked his fingers around Newt’s and the both of them climbed up the stairs and back into the place they were lucky enough to call home.

They were so lucky, and everyday they remembered that when they looked out at that garden and saw the plants in bloom. The flowers invited them down with their bright colors, but they both couldn't help but side eye them despite it all.

The past happened. There was nothing either of them could do to change that now, but they had the time to fix the future. And now, to their continued surprise, they were able to keep living in it.

They got their fairy tale ending, even if it happened to take some blood to get there.

For the rest of their lives they would be there, no matter what.