Archive of Our Own ^beta

When Alhaitham gets to the hospital, Cyno is throwing up.

Somehow, that’s the thing that makes everything inside him come to a screeching halt.

He had hoped, some desperate and hopeful part of him, that maybe it would be okay. Maybe he would be fine, and they could go home and leave it all in the past. He was just getting checked up at the hospital. He was fine.

The sight of Cyno, hunched over, retching horribly as he cried, finally crushes the hope left in Alhaitham’s chest.

Tighnari is there, next to him, hands rubbing up Cyno’s spine, tears glistening in his eyes. Alhaitham just stands there, and it takes him a moment to register why Cyno’s clothes looked so much darker than usual, brain slow to catch up.

Blood.

He’s covered in blood. It’s all over his hands, up his arms, down his chest. Some of it is even on his legs. There are smears on his cheeks, and flecks of it in his white hair.

Everything inside Alhaitham drops out from underneath him, and he sucks in a sharp breath, knees suddenly feeling weak. Tighnari’s head snaps up to the sound of it, and something in his expression crumples at the sight of Alhaitham. Alhaitham feels like he might throw up too, as he stumbles forward, legs like lead.

Please. Please. Please. He prays to the Archons, prays so hard as his hands shake.

“Is he-“ Alhaitham can’t finish the sentence. The words choke him, wrap around his throat. He cannot speak them, cannot let them cut him so deeply. Cannot speak their awful truth into the world, let the chance of them being true become real. Tighnari sniffs, and shakes his head, tears dripping down his cheek. Alhaitham stumbles to the side, and he catches himself on a chair, legs shaking. He presses his hand to his mouth, suddenly nauseous.

“He- he’s alive. I can… I can tell you that much,” Tighnari starts, and the relief that crashes over Alhaitham feels like a tidal wave. He collapses down into the seat, sucking in harsh breaths. “But… it isn’t… It’s not good, Alhaitham- I-“ Tighnari’s voice wavers, thick, and Alhaitham can’t bring himself to look at him. “They… don’t know if he’ll make it. He’s in surgery now.”

Surgery. Might not make it.

Alhaitham presses his other hand over his mouth, and squeezes his eyes shut. His heart is thumping so loudly in his chest, it feels like it’s going to burst out. His fingers are shaking, even pressed into his face. A choked noise escapes him, without meaning to, and there is a pressure so tight and constricting on his chest, and building behind his eyes. Alhaitham shifts, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to breathe through the crushing feeling in his lungs, each breath wet and ragged.

He can still hear Cyno gagging and crying. He hasn’t stopped once.

Everything Alhaitham had always meant to say comes back to haunt him full force. Everything that he had said comes back. All the bitter and angry words, all the insults that he never meant. All the feelings he had pushed down, never letting them surface.

He might never get the chance to say them to him, to Kaveh. Might never get to tell him he loved him, with every fibre of his being. Might never even get to see his smile again, never get to hear his laugh, or the way the sunlight would reflect off his eyes, bright red and full of life. Never get to see him, first thing in the morning, creases from sheets on his cheeks, drowsy smiles over coffee in the kitchen. Never get to hear him nag Alhaitham about leaving his books in the living room, or drunkenly ramble about something stupid.

And there is nothing he could do, nothing Alhaitham could do to change that. All he could do was wait, wait for the doctors and nurses to somehow figure out a way to keep him alive. To fix what had been broken inside him.

All Alhaitham could do is swallow each sob as they came up, sitting in a hospital chair.

-

Alhaitham isn’t allowed to visit Kaveh for a week.

His condition is too fragile, they tell him.

Alhaitham uses his position to get the answers he wants out of the nurses and doctors, and a big part of him wishes he hadn’t.

The first surgery had been to repair the internal bleeding, and the broken bones. Broken ribs, snapped fingers. A shattered shin bone.

The second surgery had come two days later, when Kaveh had started seizing and vomiting blood, and they’d realised his stomach had been perforated. They were scared he wouldn’t even make it through the surgery, every breath held in the operation room.

The following days were a waiting game. To see if he would pull through, or slip under, kept alive by a myriad of tubes and wires connected to him.

A week after Kaveh had been brought back by Cyno, Alhaitham is allowed to see him, his condition somewhat stabilising enough that they seemed hopeful of his survival. Recovery was another story.

Still, Alhaitham finds himself at Kaveh’s bedside, crumpling to his knees as he clung to Kaveh’s least injured hand, cradling it between his two hands. Choking on sobs that made it hard to breathe, his entire chest heaving with each one.

Kaveh barely looks recognisable, motionless in the hospital bed. Tubes protruding everywhere from him. His cheek has stitches over a cut, and his jaw is swollen and blackened on the right side. There is another cut above his left eyebrow, only just beginning to scab over. His throat is almost entirely black with bruises. Apparently, they had been scared that his oesophagus might have been crushed, but it has just been severely bruised. His wrists are in similar shapes, thick black bands of bruises circling around them. His leg is braced and wrapped thickly, suspended to alleviate any pressure on it. Almost his entire torso is wrapped in bandages, as are some of his fingers. There are other bandages stuck here and there all over him. On his arms. His other leg.

The worst injuries, the doctors had told him, had been to his back and torso, as well as his leg. Electrical burns and whip marks on his chest. His back has almost been entirely shredded with a whip, cut to ribbons, left to fester. His abdomen had suffered from ‘blunt force trauma’, cracking his ribs, causing his stomach to rupture, and a whole issue of internal bleeding. He’d been opened and stitched shut nearly everywhere, inside and out.

Alhaitham is somewhat thankful he hadn’t seen Kaveh when he’d been brought into the hospital. The only person who had, was Cyno, who had been put on indefinite stress leave until he was deemed ‘mentally fit’ to return to work. He’d been staying in Gandharva Ville with Tighnari, and judging from the dull colour to Tighnari’s fur and the bags under his eyes, he wasn’t doing well. Cyno refused to visit Kaveh, couldn’t bring himself to step foot in the hospital. Tighnari told Alhaitham that he, in a fit of rage and sadness, had set fire to the cloak that he had used to wrap Kaveh in when bringing him to the hospital. Couldn’t bring himself to look at it, or to wash out the blood soaking it.

If Alhaitham were a better man, a less selfish person, a better friend, he would visit Cyno and Tighnari in Gandharva Ville, but instead, he remained where he was. At Kaveh’s side, listening to the steady beep of the machinery letting Alhaitham know he was still alive, still breathing. The hospital staff knew better than to try to make him leave, even when visiting hours closed, he never left.

Stays in a chair next to Kaveh, watching him, terrified that if he so much as looked away for a second, if he left, he would lose him for good. He forces himself to stay awake, even when his vision swims, and when he accidentally finds himself dozing off, he jerks awake, shaking and gasping in fear, reaching to cling to Kaveh’s hand, to feel the warmth of his skin, the dull thump of his heart. The rasp of his breath.

After a week, Alhaitham takes it upon himself to wash Kaveh’s hair as best as he can in the bed, and combs through the fancy oils that Kaveh spent ridiculous amounts of money on. He rubs the lotions that Kaveh loved into the skin of his hands, clips and files his chipped nails until they’re in the nice clean shapes that Kaveh liked to keep them in. He has to wait a few more days for the swelling in Kaveh’s jaw to go down, before he can tediously and carefully shave the stubble that had grown in thick in his absence and recovery.

Throughout it, Kaveh does not wake. 

Alhaitham knows that his body needs time to heal. The doctors told him he should be fine, and he didn’t have major head trauma, so he should really wake any day now. It was just a matter of time.

Still, to look at Kaveh’s motionless figure, the rise of his chest barely visible, was haunting. It stings, deep in the crevices of Alhaitham’s chest.

More often than not, he finds himself quietly begging Kaveh to open his eyes. To say anything. Even if it was just to complain or to insult Alhaitham, he would take it. He would take anything that Kaveh was willing to give.

Another week passes with no change. The colour of Kaveh’s bruises barely changes, the rasp of his breath doesn’t get heavier or lighter.

And then, three weeks after Kaveh has returned home, his fingers twitch in Alhaitham’s hand, and his eyelids flutter.

Everything in Alhaitham activates at that, and he whips his head to stare at Kaveh’s face. His nose scrunches for a second, and slowly, his eyelids flutter open ever so slightly. Alhaitham nearly begins crying immediately at the sight of that beautiful vermillion red again. He has missed it so much. Kaveh isn’t truly awake, Alhaitham can tell that much. His eyes are hazy and dull, unfocused as they lazily roam the room. His fingers twitch again in Alhaitham’s grip. It only lasts for a few minutes, maybe only two minutes, before Kaveh is exhaling deeply, eyes slipping back closed to the comfort of sleep.

Alhaitham still buries his head into the side of the bed, clenching his teeth in an effort not to cry, shoulders trembling. Relief crashes over him, over and over. Some part of him had been terrified that Kaveh wouldn’t wake, wouldn’t be anything more than a body in a bed, kept alive by technology. The first glimpse of those red eyes made Alhaitham’s heart stutter and expand in relief.

That proceeds to happen a few more times over the next few days. Just brief glimpses of consciousness, drowsy and unaware, but awake. They don’t last very long, and he seems entirely out of it. Probably due to the fact that he was also pumped full of some heavy cocktail of painkillers and antibiotics. Alhaitham is always there, always there to greet the sight of his eyes fluttering open. Always there to cup his cheek or squeeze his hand in return.

Finally, four days after his first hint of waking, Kaveh’s eyes open fully.

Alhaitham can tell he’s awake this time, red eyes confused and bleary, but focused, as they glance around the room. His hand twitches, and Alhaitham squeezes it back, Kaveh’s gaze snapping to him almost immediately. Kaveh blinks in what could be sleepy surprise, and he opens his mouth to say something. No noise comes out, throat still too damaged and bruised, but judging from the movement of his lips, he says Alhaitham’s name. He winces after the attempt to speak, hand instinctively reaching up to brush his neck, prodding the skin there gently.

Alhaitham smiles, smiles so brightly his cheeks hurt, relief and joy surging inside him. Kaveh looks back at him, and he’s still surprised, eyes wide as he stares at Alhaitham. He tries to speak again, and frowns in deep frustration at the fact that he can’t. Alhaitham doesn’t care, because Kaveh is awake and he’s looking at Alhaitham.

“Don’t- don’t try to speak. It’s okay,” Alhaitham says, his voice trembling ever so slightly. He leans forward, and tucks a strand of hair behind Kaveh’s ear. Kaveh blinks up at him, mouth in a little ‘o’ shape, and Alhaitham can’t help the pressure of tears building behind his eyes as he smiles wateringly down at Kaveh. Shaking ever so slightly, with every emotion that he had felt in the last few weeks, Alhaitham presses his trembling lips to Kaveh’s forehead, breathing in deeply. “You… you stupid bastard. I was- I was so fucking worried,” he murmurs there.

He pulls back, and Kaveh has that smug little smirk on his face that Alhaitham had missed so dearly, vermillion eyes glimmering, and Alhaitham laughs, wet and pathetic, and tips his head down to bury it into Kaveh’s shoulder, breathing shakily. Kaveh’s hand moves, and threads into Alhaitham’s hair, stroking it lightly and weakly.

“I- I’m glad you’re back, Kaveh,” he croaks, and he can feel the light pressure of Kaveh pressing his lips into his hair, making his breath hitch.

They would be okay. One way or another.

--

It’s another week before Kaveh can weakly rasp out words, still barely audible. The doctors say that in a few days, he should be alright to return home with Alhaitham, provided he return regularly for check-ups.

The Kshahrewar students that Kaveh had been tutoring before his kidnapping excitedly tumble into the hospital room, showing Kaveh the schematics and blueprints for a wheelchair that they are determined to make for him. He smiles, prettily and warmly, eyes watering, at them, and pats each of their heads. It still hurts to speak, so he refrains from doing so for the most part.

Alhaitham had sent word to Gandharva Ville that Kaveh had woken as soon as he could, and eventually Tighnari is able to come visit with Collei in tow.

Cyno doesn’t come, and Alhaitham feels a sharp pang in his chest for the General Mahamatra. He hadn’t returned to work still. Tighnari still looked tired, bags still heavy under his eyes even as he smiles at Kaveh.

Collei excitedly shows Kaveh the blanket she had made for him from hand, brilliant reds and oranges and yellows, and Kaveh weakly croaks out a tearful thank you, as he ruffles Collei’s hair.

It isn’t until she leaves the room, as Tighnari and her are leaving, that Kaveh calls for Tighnari quietly.

Tighnari blinks in surprise, turning to him, and Alhaitham feels like he knows what Kaveh is going to ask. His stomach twists in guilt. Kaveh would be upset that Alhaitham hadn’t told him how… affected Cyno was.

“Cyno?” Kaveh asks, still barely above a whisper, and neither Kaveh nor Alhaitham miss the way Tighnari flinches ever so slightly. Kaveh’s eyes widen, suddenly panicked, and Tighnari immediately waves his hands.

“No, no, he’s- he’s okay. He’s just- he’s been feeling a little unwell lately, and he doesn’t want to get you sick. I promise I’ll bring him to visit once he’s better, really!” Tighnari says, forcing joy into his voice, and Alhaitham can tell Kaveh is unconvinced, his lips set in a thin and tight line. He doesn’t say anything more, nodding, and Tighnari says his farewells again.

He looks at Alhaitham, just as he turns to leave, out of Kaveh’s eyesight, and there is a bone deep exhaustion in his eyes, a thick sadness. Alhaitham regrets not going to visit Cyno and Tighnari suddenly. He hasn’t seen Cyno since that day in the hospital, and he certainly hadn’t been doing well then. Was he truly not faring any better?

Had it truly been that bad?

Alhaitham’s memory is drawn to the cloak, that had been crumpled and blood soaked on the floor at Cyno’s feet as he threw up in the hospital bin. The cloak that he had burned, unable to bear looking at it. His stomach twists over and over, and he’s only brought out of it by Kaveh’s hand gently touching his arm.

Alhaitham looks at him, and the guilt is choking him, as Kaveh stares at him with knowing and soft eyes. He can see the question in them, the quiet pleading. He can’t bring himself to tell Kaveh the truth, and just smiles back at him, reaching up to squeeze Kaveh’s fingers.

“It’s okay. Cyno will visit soon,” Alhaitham says, and Kaveh just frowns, deep and upset, but he doesn’t say anything more.

He’d have to find out one way or another, anyways.

--

They return home.

The Kshahrewar students come on the day of Kaveh’s release as planned, brandishing the shiny wheelchair. Kaveh whispers out hoarse praises and thanks, complimenting their handiwork, even though Alhaitham can see how it pains him to speak so much. Alhaitham tucks Collei’s blanket around his legs, making sure Kaveh is as comfortable as possible. Once the students are gone, Kaveh teases Alhaitham quietly for being so overbearing.

Alhaitham can tell Kaveh is secretly loving it though, his eyes crinkling at the edges as he smiles.

Alhaitham burns with the desire to kiss him, to tell him how much he loves him, how he had thought a piece of him would die with Kaveh in that hospital, or that damp cave he had been found in. It burns him so bright and hot in his chest he suddenly feels like he’s about to burst into flames, his chest tightening painfully.

Instead, Alhaitham presses his lips to Kaveh’s forehead again, like the coward he is. Kaveh still smiles at him brightly when Alhaitham pulls back, and Alhaitham has to swallow the lump in his throat down as he starts to take Kaveh home.

It goes fine, until they’re just about home, and Alhaitham hears Kaveh’s breath catch.

It sounds like it had been choked off, a stilted and inherently wrong noise, and Alhaitham’s entire body goes on high alert as he looks quickly down at Kaveh. He’s staring out, to the side, vermillion eyes wide and suddenly fearful. Alhaitham follows his gaze, and feels his stomach pitch at the sight.

Eremite mercenaries. A group of them, laughing and joking together. Whilst Alhaitham knows that that group might not be bad, Alhaitham knows that Kaveh’s captors had been Eremites.

A thin whine resounds from Kaveh, and Alhaitham quickly places his hand on Kaveh’s shoulder to steady him, to reassure him. Instead, it makes Kaveh jump, gasping in fear, head whipping around to stare at Alhaitham with wild and wide eyes. His breathing is quick and ragged. His fingers are gripping the armrests of his wheelchair tightly, scarred knuckles white.

“Kaveh,” Alhaitham called, softly, trying to keep his voice as gentle as possible despite the panic slowly crawling its way up his throat. Kaveh sucked in a deep breath, and turned his head to look back at the Eremites. Alhaitham could feel his shoulders begin to tremble.

Quickly, Alhaitham hurriedly turned Kaveh away so he couldn’t look, and rushed the last few metres to their house, nearly bursting through the door with Kaveh in tow. The second the front door slammed shut behind them, Kaveh keeled forward, hunching over his knees with his hands over his head, sucking in wheezing breaths that were far too loud and far too fast.

Alhaitham’s hands fluttered uselessly around Kaveh, not knowing quite where to land, and he felt far too useless and helpless in the presence of Kaveh’s panic. A bitter feeling grew in his stomach, expanded through his lungs, until he finally rested his hand on Kaveh’s back again.

That proves to be the wrong move, though, because Kaveh jerks, a noise like a muffled cry being stifled in his hands. Alhaitham hastily snatches his hand back, and he vividly remembers the myriad of whip scars still healing on Kaveh’s back. That bitter feeling spreads up to his throat, and he swallows around it.

“I’m sorry, fuck-“ He chokes out, and Kaveh shakes his head violently. He makes a noise as though he’s going to say something, but it comes out like a strangled breath. “Breathe, Kaveh, it’s- it’s okay. You’re safe. We’re home now,” Alhaitham murmurs, even though his voice shakes. Kaveh takes in a shuddering breath, and lifts his head ever so slightly. He is still hunched over, but at least Alhaitham could see his face now, his hands pressed over his mouth. He looks at Alhaitham, eyes watering, and Alhaitham very slowly and visibly lowers his hands to cup Kaveh’s knees.

Kaveh doesn’t react badly, and shakily lowers his hands to grip at Alhaitham’s fingers, tight and trembling. His eyes were still wide and blown out with panic, but his breathing was beginning to even out.

“See? It’s okay. You’re safe. I’ve got you. We’re at home, safe and sound,” Alhaitham whispers, keeping his voice as steady and as low as possible. Kaveh blinks quickly at him, and his chest expands wide as he inhales deeply again.

Finally, after a few minutes, Kaveh’s breathing is mostly back to normal, and he closes his eyes, dropping his head back down to hide his face. He’s still trembling ever so slightly, as Alhaitham rubs the back of his hands with his thumbs.

“You back with me?” He mumbles, and Kaveh just nods, keeping his head down.

“’m sorry,” he croaks, and Alhaitham squeezes his fingers to admonish him, before releasing one hand to run his fingers through Kaveh’s hair. Kaveh sighs, tipping his head ever so slightly into Alhaitham’s hand.

“Don’t apologise. It’s fine. Come on, let’s get settled back into home,” Alhaitham soothes, still stroking Kaveh’s hair. Kaveh sighs again, and lifts his head. His eyes were glittering ever so slightly, mouth pinched tight. He nods, and Alhaitham moves behind him to push his wheelchair further into the house.

They would get there, it would be fine.

--

The nightmares start the first night.

Kaveh insists he’s fine to sleep in his room alone, and Alhaitham wants to argue and say that he needs to share the bed with Kaveh for his own sanity, but he doesn’t, and just nods.

He can barely sleep, only managing to drift off here and there. He drifts through a sleepy haze for a few hours, too keyed up to really sleep but body still exhausted, until a noise snaps him out of it.

It sounds like a muffled cry, coming through the wall, and he sits up quickly, straining his ears to listen.

And then, a hoarse and terrified scream, and Alhaitham’s heart leaps into his throat as he jumps out of his bed, nearly tripping over his own feet as he scrambles to pull open his bedroom door and race into Kaveh’s. He skids across the wooden floor, and slams the door open.

Kaveh jolts upright, another scream dying on his lips as he scrambles up the mattress, pulling the blankets tight into him. His chest rises and falls rapidly and erratically, and Alhaitham can see in the darkness he’s shaking all over.

“Kaveh,” Alhaitham breathes, and Kaveh makes an aborted sobbing noise, before burying his face into his hands. He hitches, wetly, hauntingly, and Alhaitham creeps forward, his heart still thudding loudly in his chest. Slowly, so as to not startle Kaveh again, he sits on the side of his bed, and reaches out to touch his bicep. The muscles tremble underneath his touch, as he rubs his hand up and down in an attempt to soothe Kaveh.

Kaveh chokes out another wet sob, and then pitches sideways to collapse against Alhaitham’s chest. Alhaitham immediately wraps his arms around his torso, pulling him tight against him, and buries his head into Kaveh’s hair. He can just hear Kaveh’s hitching and choked sobs, like he’s trying to muffle each one. Alhaitham threads his finger through blonde locks, stroking them, as Kaveh shakes and shakes against him. The knot in Alhaitham’s chest tightens with every noise that Kaveh makes, lurches when he can feel the wet patch from Kaveh’s tears growing on his sleep shirt.

“Shh, it’s okay, I’ve got you, it’s okay,” he murmurs, and presses his lips into Kaveh’s hair, squeezing his own eyes shut.

“I can’t- the second I close my eyes it’s- it’s like I’m-“ Kaveh whispers, voice wrecked still, worse from the screams.

“It’s alright, shh, you don’t have to speak,” Alhaitham hushes, and Kaveh jerks with another sob, clenching his hands in Alhaitham’s shirt, pressing his face in further. “Why don’t I sleep in your bed with you? That might help.” Kaveh sniffles in response, and shivers.

“I don’t… I don’t want to keep you awake,” Kaveh mumbles, and Alhaitham almost wants to laugh. Like I was going to sleep anyways. He just sighs, and tightens his grip on Kaveh fractionally.

“Don’t worry about me. I want you to be okay,” Alhaitham says, sincerely, and Kaveh freezes for a minute, and Alhaitham almost panics. Maybe he had said too much. Revealed too much (although, that wouldn’t really be a bad thing at the end of the day). Then, Kaveh relaxes, and nuzzles his face in again. Some of the tension leaks out of his body.

“Okay, alright. Stay. Please,” Kaveh relents, and Alhaitham feels a small smile grow on his face. He’d wanted this originally, but hadn’t wanted to be overbearing and insist upon it earlier in the night.

“I’m going to get you some water first, okay? And then we can go to sleep,” Alhaitham says, sliding his hand down from Kaveh’s hair to rub over his back, and Kaveh nods against him, before pulling back. He rubs his hand over his nose, and smiles thinly and weakly at Alhaitham, barely visible in the darkness, as Alhaitham gets up to go to the kitchen.

When Alhaitham returns with the water, Kaveh is tucked back under the blanket, leg precariously propped up on a pillow again. This time he was solely on one side of the bed, and he smiles again at Alhaitham, this time a bit stronger. Alhaitham silently hands him the water, before sliding under the covers next to Kaveh. He waits for Kaveh to finish drinking the water, before he too slides down the bed, and rolls to face Alhaitham as best as he can.

“Did you dream whilst you were in the hospital?” Alhaitham asks, because he doesn’t remember Kaveh having many nightmares in the nights Alhaitham had slept there. Kaveh shakes his head, and reaches out to link his pinkie finger with Alhaitham’s. It makes Alhaitham’s heart stutter in his chest, and that itch that he had felt burning inside him flares up again.

“Not really. I think maybe the sounds there and the light stopped me from dreaming. It’s… quiet here. And dark. Like- like um-“

Alhaitham’s chest twists, and he pulls Kaveh’s hand closer to his face so he can press a kiss into his knuckles. Kaveh’s breath hitches at that.

“It’s okay. I get it. I’m here now,” he mumbles, and Kaveh smiles again. Alhaitham can’t help but think about how he had almost lost that smile in his life, and he presses another kiss to his knuckles, thinks about all the other places he wants to kiss on Kaveh. He couldn’t though. It wasn’t the right time, Kaveh wasn’t- he needed to heal more, mentally and physically, before Alhaitham could do something like act upon his feelings. Kaveh’s wellbeing came first, well before Alhaitham’s desires.

They had time. They had all the time they needed.

“Yeah, you are. I’ll be okay,” Kaveh replies, his voice quiet with exhaustion.

Alhaitham would make sure of it.

--

The nightmares don’t stop, but they are sated somewhat by Alhaitham’s presence in the bed. Still, most nights, Alhaitham finds himself being woken by a trembling body, or muffled cries, and he sleepily pulls Kaveh into him, curling around his body and murmuring comforting words until they both drift back to sleep.

Some nights, Alhaitham thinks Kaveh doesn’t sleep at all, bags heavy under his eyes in the morning light. Alhaitham doesn’t comment on it, knows Kaveh would rather him not, but he can’t help the concern twisting away at him.

That day, Tighnari sends word that he was coming to visit, and he was bringing Cyno.

Anxiety flares bright in Alhaitham for a moment, and he hopes silently that seeing each other wasn’t going to send the two of them into a spiral. Kaveh is excited though, fingers drumming against his legs as he lays upon the couch, nervously waiting to hear the front door.

Around midday is when Tighnari knocks quietly, and Alhaitham goes to open it, Kaveh staring with wide and gleaming eyes. Alhaitham knows Kaveh has wanted to see Cyno the most, to thank him, and was buzzing at the chance to do so.

Alhaitham hasn’t seen Cyno since the hospital, and he isn’t quite prepared for the sight of him when he opens the door. Tighnari is in front, and smiling tiredly at Alhaitham, greeting him warmly, and Cyno hangs behind him. The bags under his eyes make Tighnari’s and Kaveh’s seem inconsequential. He’s paler, losing his desert tan, and he looks as though he’s lost weight. His hair isn’t a fluffy spray of white around him, and hangs limper over his shoulders. He’s dressed in warm and thicker clothes, skin covered almost completely. His hand is knotted in the back of Tighnari’s shirt, holding tightly. Alhaitham feels guilt, hot and shameful, burn bright inside him as he greets them back, and moves aside to let them in.

Kaveh’s voice has significantly improved the last few days, the bruising fading to a blue-ish purple now, and he calls out cheerfully. His voice is still a little hoarse, but it sounds more and more like himself with each day.

Cyno flinches, hard, at the sound of his voice, and his grip tightens on Tighnari’s shirt as they walk inside. Tighnari reaches back, and grasps Cyno’s hand in his, squeezing it tightly. Alhaitham watches as Tighnari looks back at Cyno, face impossibly soft and concerned, and he lifts Cyno’s hand to his mouth, tenderly kissing the knuckles. Cyno swallows thickly, and squeezes Tighnari’s hand back.

“Hello! Come in, come in! It’s so nice to see you two!” Kaveh chatters away, smiling brightly as the three of them enter the living room. He looks over them, and his gaze falters on Cyno. Something shifts in his expression, tightens fractionally, and his smile loses some of its shine. Tighnari greets him back warmly. Cyno doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t look at Kaveh, red eyes cast to the floor.

“Would you two like some tea?” Alhaitham asks, shifting on his feet. He feels as though he should give the three of them some privacy, time to relax. Tighnari looks at him, and he can see the gratitude in his eyes.

“Yes please. Do you have cardamom and rose tea?” Tighnari asks, and Alhaitham nods. He looks at Kaveh, raising an eyebrow, and Kaveh nods. Alhaitham turns and walks out of the living room, to their kitchen, and lets the door swing shut behind him.

He takes his time brewing the tea. Doesn’t rush. He gets a tray, sets the teapot down on it with the cups, and fetches some of the halva that he and Kaveh had tucked away, arranging it neatly on the tray. He waits for the tea to finish brewing, and just as he slowly begins to turn to leave, the door creaks open, and Tighnari slips in.

Alhaitham blinks in surprise at him, and Tighnari smiles at him, small and tired.

“Kaveh asked to speak to Cyno alone. Cyno agreed, so I thought I’d come here and talk with you whilst they’re talking,” Tighnari says as way of explanation, and Alhaitham nods, placing the tray back down. He gestures to the tea, and Tighnari nods, so Alhaitham pours him a cup of tea, the rich scent filling the air as he hands the cup to the Ranger. Tighnari cups it in his hands, ears twitching, and breathes in the steam deeply.

“How has he been?” Alhaitham asks, and Tighnari’s ears droop a bit.

“Its… he’s been a bit better this last week, now that he’s found out that Kaveh has been able to go home. Eating a bit more, sleeping a little more. He still… doesn’t really want to leave the hut much, especially alone,” Tighnari sighs, his tail low on the floor. “He’s wanted to visit, but every time we were about to, he would baulk out. I finally managed to calm him down and get him to come.”

Alhaitham nods along, pouring his own cup of tea, and blows on the steam to cool it before taking a sip.

“That’s good. Perhaps seeing Kaveh today will ease some of his concerns.” Tighnari hums in agreement, sipping at his tea. He looks back, at the closed kitchen doors, and Alhaitham can see his ears anxiously twitch. “Has he… opened up to the idea of speaking to a professional?” Alhaitham asks tentatively, and Tighnari sighs, looking back at Alhaitham with sad eyes.

“Not really. I’ve mentioned it a couple times, and he shuts it down each time. I suppose he hasn’t shut it down as aggressively lately though. Who knows, maybe Kaveh or you can convince him to do so,” Tighnari shrugs, trying to be nonchalant, but Alhaitham can see the weight of it dragging his shoulders down. He shakes his head, ears swishing, and looks up at Alhaitham, forcing a tight smile. “How’s Kaveh been? How have you been?”

“Well enough, I suppose, all things considered. His healing is coming along well, and he seems to be coping alright. We did have an incident when he saw a group of Eremites coming home the other day, and he has nightmares most nights. I don’t think he’s been sleeping very well. His appetite has improved, although the doctors say he still has to eat gentle and basic foods for now,” Alhaitham answers, looking back at the doors as well. His heart clenches for a moment, at the memory of Kaveh waking up frantic and panicked most nights, groping for Alhaitham’s warmth. He doesn’t mention the bed sharing with Tighnari, but he assumes Tighnari can gather as much. Tighnari hums along, and they fall silent for a moment, sipping at their cups of tea.

Outside of the kitchen, in the living room, they can just hear the muffled sound of Kaveh speaking, words indistinguishable, and then Cyno’s low answer. There’s a strangled noise, like a cry, and Tighnari tenses automatically, eyes flashing. Alhaitham can tell it wasn’t Kaveh making that noise, but he can’t help his fingers tightening over his cup. Kaveh is still speaking, quieter, before it goes quiet. There are tiny and quiet noises, but they’re hard to identify.

“Should we… go out?” Alhaitham asks, eyes resting on Tighnari’s white knuckled grip on the tea cup. Tighnari swallows, and then nods. Alhaitham places his cup down on the tray, and follows Tighnari back out into the living room.

The sight that greets them makes even Alhaitham’s heart clench and twist painfully. Cyno is buried in Kaveh’s arms, face hidden against his neck and shoulder, and Kaveh’s hands are rubbing his back slowly. He has his own tears streaming down his cheeks, as he presses his face into Cyno’s hair. He murmurs something quiet there, too quiet for either him or Tighnari to catch. Alhaitham can see how Cyno’s shoulders are trembling though, and he hitches with what sounds like a sob. Tighnari breathes out shakily, his own breath hitching suspiciously wet.

Kaveh lifts his head at the sound of them entering, and smiles wateringly at the two of them. Cyno doesn’t move from where he is. If anything, his grip tightens, clinging to Kaveh like a lifeline.

“Cyno, my love,” Tighnari calls, sweetly and softly, and he walks over to bend down next to the two of them on the divan. He places his hand on the small of Cyno’s back, fingers spreading over the shirt there, and rubs small circles. “Let’s have some afternoon tea, alright? I told you he was okay.” Tighnari’s voice is soft, like he is speaking to a frightened animal or a small child, and Cyno makes a heartbreakingly wet sob, before he mumbles something back. Kaveh frowns deeply at whatever Cyno says, and Tighnari’s eyes glisten, but Alhaitham doesn’t catch it.

Slowly, very slowly, Cyno starts to peel away from Kaveh though, and Alhaitham has to look away, unable to bear looking at the great General Mahamatra in that state. Frightened, broken down, face red and snotty from tears still streaming down his face. Alhaitham’s stomach clenches at the memory of how Cyno had sounded in the hospital that first day, sobbing hysterically and vomiting violently into the trash bin at the horrors only he had seen. Alhaitham clenches his jaw, until his teeth hurt, and tightens his grip on the tray he’s holding.

Eventually he turns back to look at the three of them, and his stomach clenches again, but less so. Cyno is leant against Tighnari, on the other divan now, tucked securely into his side with Tighnari’s arm around his waist. He looks younger than he ever has, face still splotchy even if he’s wiped away his tears. Alhaitham doesn’t want to dwell on the implications of what Kaveh must’ve looked like when Cyno found him for Cyno to be like this, even weeks afterwards.

He walks over, and places the tray on the coffee table, before pouring a cup of tea for Kaveh and handing it to him. Kaveh smiles at him, thanking him quietly, and pats the divan in front of him where his leg is propped up. Alhaitham relents, and delicately lifts Kaveh’s wrapped leg to slide underneath it, before placing it back down in his lap. Tighnari leans forward, grabbing some of the halva, biting into it, and presses some into Cyno’s hands. Cyno looks like he wants to refuse, jaw tightening, but he glances up at Alhaitham and Kaveh briefly, sees their eyes on him, and looks away just as quickly, biting into the halva to avoid any more questions.

Kaveh, gracious and kind as always, prompts Tighnari into talking about Gandharva Ville and how Avidya Forest has been, and asks about how Collei had been since Kaveh had last seen her. Tighnari sinks into the conversation, chatting away amicably, and they all try not to act surprised when Cyno joins in with a few quips. Neither Kaveh nor Alhaitham miss the way Tighnari’s lip trembles when Cyno makes a completely unfunny joke. His tail gives him away though, thumping joyfully against the cushions.

Alhaitham doesn’t have much to add to the conversation, since he hasn’t returned to work in weeks, and doesn’t plan to until Kaveh is fully back on his feet. Still, he adds a few comments here and there, lets himself fall into the familiarity of playfully jabbing at Kaveh’s expense. Cyno seems to relax back into something resembling his normal personality, although still a little withdrawn.

They chat well into the afternoon, and it isn’t until Alhaitham notices Kaveh stifling a yawn and his smile becoming strained with exhaustion that he begins to guide Tighnari and Cyno out. Tighnari thanks him for their hospitality, and Cyno hums in agreement, far more relaxed than he had been upon arrival. Cyno still hesitates, glancing back at Kaveh on the couch, before being pulled away by Tighnari, and Alhaitham lets the door fall softly closed behind him.

“You didn’t tell me about Cyno,” Kaveh says immediately, but he doesn’t sound angry. He just sounds… sad. Alhaitham tenses momentarily, before turning back to walk towards him. He sits back down on the divan, placing Kaveh’s legs back into his lap. Neither of them speak for a moment, as Alhaitham rubs his hand up and down Kaveh’s uninjured leg.

“No, I didn’t. I didn’t want you to stress about it too much,” he admits, and Kaveh hums in response. He’s look out the living room window, eyes strained and tired, mouth pinched into a thin frown. “Are you upset?”

“No, I suppose not. It’s fair enough. I had kind of gathered by now, anyways. Since he had been avoiding me, and Tighnari has looked more tired than usual,” Kaveh replies, before sighing, dragging his hand over his face. He sinks into the cushions, lets his head fall backwards. Alhaitham’s eyes can’t help but rest on the bruises still covering his neck. “I am tired.”

“Would you like to go back to the bedroom, or stay here?”

Kaveh pauses, thinking for a moment. Alhaitham can almost see his thought process. He would like to go back to bed, but he doesn’t want to be carried by Alhaitham. But, if they retire to the bedroom, it will be warmer, and Kaveh knows Alhaitham will stay with him. Kaveh sighs again, and looks up at Alhaitham.

“Bedroom.”

--

There is an itch underneath Alhaitham’s skin, one he cannot hope to reach or scratch.

It irritates him day in and day out. It flares up in hot and unbearable moments, leaves him wanting, burning with the need to pull his skin off. To dig underneath everything that makes him him and rip out that damn itch.

Kaveh is spread over his bed, arm over Alhaitham’s stomach, sleeping peacefully for the first time in weeks, and that itch is claiming everything inside Alhaitham. His hands twitch with desire. With fervent need.

He does not move. Does not let his breath become unsteady. Does not look too long, in fear of it hurting too much. Does not linger on the feeling of Kaveh’s arm touching the skin where Alhaitham’s shirt has ridden up.

He thought he could be patient. He thought he could wait, could swallow his needs like a bitter pill until it was the right time, but he’s beginning to believe that there was no right time. Alhaitham is not a fool, and he knows the weight of Kaveh’s touches, knows the weight of his eyes on Alhaitham’s body and the weight of his smile. He knows the dance they have been doing for years all too well. When had it become unbearable? When had the dance started to strain Alhaitham’s muscles, leave him tired and aching? Had it been when Kaveh smiled drowsily at him over morning coffee? Had it been when he and Kaveh had argued so loudly one day that the neighbours had complained, and Alhaitham had felt sick from the way Kaveh’s eyes glistened with angry tears? Had it been when Kaveh suddenly disappeared one day, no trace of him? Had it been when Alhaitham was keeled over in a hospital chair, nauseous and fearful, with Kaveh’s blood staining Cyno? Had it been when Kaveh opened his eyes for that first true time, and smiled at Alhaitham?

When had it become too much to bear? When had Alhaitham’s heart started to ache and beg for something more than what they had? When had the itch started?

Alhaitham does not know, and that stings him more. He hates not knowing things.

His eyes suddenly burn with frustration, and he leans his head back into the pillows, and moves to cover his eyes with his forearm. Grinds his teeth together. Swallows the burning desire, and ignores the itch under his skin.

There is a soft murmur next to him, a sleepy mumble, and Alhaitham’s heart thumps loudly at the sound of it.

“G’ morning,” Kaveh mumbles, and Alhaitham moves his arm to the side to look down at him. His crimson eyes are bleary with sleep, but he has that drowsy smile that tugs violently at Alhaitham’s insides on his lips. The cuts on his face have mostly faded into pink scars, and the bruises on his neck are now just a sickly yellow. Almost completely gone. His back and chest have healed of open wounds, and are in the slow process of scarring over. He is almost the man that left Alhaitham those months ago, yet irreversibly changed in a way Alhaitham cannot hope to fix.

“Good morning,” Alhaitham responds, voice soft, and his lips tingle with the desire to kiss plump pink lips. 

He gets out of the bed, and goes to make them breakfast.

His skin prickles as though a thousand ants crawl over it.

--

Most days, Kaveh tries to be in a good mood. Thanks Alhaitham graciously, does not try to pick fights more than often, and is content to sketch his days away on the couch as his body heals.

Some days, he wakes up screaming, and he spends the rest of the day angry and in pain.

Today was one of those days.

Alhaitham had woken to a horrid shriek, a desperate plea, and a leg kicking him in the side. Alhaitham grunts in pain, but lifts his head quickly so as not to dwell on the pain. Kaveh is trembling and crying in the bed, hands scrambling and clenching at the sheets with white knuckles, and he’s pleading the ghosts that haunt him to leave him be.

It never hurts any less, seeing the demons that come for Kaveh in his sleep.

Alhaitham rests his hands slowly and gently on Kaveh’s shoulder, shakes him slightly, and Kaveh’s eyes fly open with another scream, arm flailing to swipe at Alhaitham. Alhaitham dodges to the best of his ability, but he is still half-asleep, and Kaveh catches him on the edge of the jaw, pain smarting to shoot up his face.

“Fuck!” Kaveh swears, and scrambles to sit up. His breathing is fast and ragged, and Alhaitham pulls his hand back to press it to his jaw, wincing at the tenderness. Kaveh’s hands suddenly cup his cheeks, and Alhaitham looks up at him, and his heart twists and turns at the frantic and panicked look in Kaveh’s eyes. “Fuck, I’m sorry, are you okay?”

I should be asking you that.

Alhaitham rubs the skin at his jaw, and the pain is already fading.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. Are you okay?”

Kaveh’s breathing is still heavy, frightened, and he pulls his hands back to drag them over his face, through his blonde hair. He makes a ragged noise, something caught between a laugh, a sigh, and a sob.

“No,” he answers, truthfully, and Alhaitham wants to tear the sky down with his bare hands so that he never has to hear Kaveh sound like that again. He waits though, waits patiently and just reaches forward to touch Kaveh’s wrist, the edge of the fading bruises there. Kaveh hides his face against his hands for a moment, trying to catch his breath, before he sighs again, and looks out from his hands. His jaw is clenched, and his eyes are sharp and tired. Alhaitham already knows what kind of day it will be today. “I’m fine. I just need a moment alone, please.” Kaveh’s voice is bitter, and Alhaitham knows it isn’t aimed at him, but it doesn’t make it hurt less, as Alhaitham nods, and slides out of the bed and bedroom to go begin making breakfast.

Kaveh’s anger is a bright and burning flame. Unpredictable, wild, bursting forth in searing and unexpected moments before retreating. Alhaitham can never really tell what is going to make Kaveh snap forward and burn him, can never really prepare himself for the pain.

A glass smashes into the wall, with a loud curse, when Alhaitham steps through the front door after returning from the markets, the sun having set behind him. He flinches, hard, as the glass shatters onto the floor, but quietly closes the door behind him. He places the bags down, and walks forward, carefully evading the glass pieces.

Kaveh is hunched over on the couch, head in his hands, and his breathing is ragged and aggressive. He is a raging inferno, and Alhaitham knows he will end up burnt one way or another.

“What did the glass do?” He asks, trying to make the mood light, but Kaveh turns his head, and his eyes are blazing, anger searingly hot. Alhaitham contains the flinch that wants to escape him at the look.

“Fuck off, Alhaitham. I’m not in the fucking mood,” he snaps back, and Alhaitham inhales slowly. He tries not to let the words cut, as he turns back and collects the shopping bags, and goes to the kitchen to unpack them. Kaveh doesn’t say anything more, head still in his hands. Alhaitham is thankful, in a way. As tough as the Scribe may appear, there is one person who so very easily can cut him down with just a few words.

He doesn’t know why Kaveh is angry, and he isn’t sure Kaveh knows either. Alhaitham just unpacks the groceries in the kitchen, silently. He pauses, and then gets the dustpan and brush, before re-entering the living room. Kaveh has not moved. Alhaitham walks over to where the glass has broken over the floor, and quietly sweeps it up. He doesn’t comment anything more, knowing that even the slightest word could set Kaveh off.

Turns out he doesn’t have to say anything.

“Why don’t you get mad at me? I can’t even fucking- I can’t even clean up my own fucking mess. You used to get angry at me for this shit and what? Now you just let me get away with it?” Kaveh snarls, and Alhaitham’s shoulders tense as he finishes sweeping the glass up. He closes his eyes, counts to three, and breaths in and out. He doesn’t want to fight, although he feels as though Kaveh needs it. “I am so fucking sick of you fucking- fucking tiptoeing around me like I’m some broken toy. I’m sick of fucking everyone doing it!” Kaveh is yelling now, as Alhaitham deposits the broken glass into the bin, and places the dustpan down on the table they have by the entryway.

He looks up at Kaveh, and it feels like being punched in the face by him again. His jaw smarts still from the morning, and both he and Kaveh know there is a bruise forming there. Even with his muscle mass wasted away, Kaveh is by no means weak. Kaveh stares at him, with rage and hatred, and Alhaitham knows Kaveh does not hate him, but it certainly feels like it when he looks at him like that.

“What do you want me to do, Kaveh? Yell at you?” Alhaitham asks, soft, and Kaveh’s nostrils flare, his jaw clenching. “Do you want me to throw a glass back? Tell you to leave? Scream at you? I don’t understand what it is you’re asking of me, Kaveh.”

“I don’t fucking know either! I’m sick of that fucking tone of voice too! Treating me like- like I’m some fucking child! You never used to treat me like this! Am I supposed to be content with being treated as though I’m fragile, Alhaitham?” Kaveh pushes himself to his feet, and Alhaitham feels the desire to rush forth and tell him not to strain himself. He doesn’t because he knows that is exactly what Kaveh wants him to do, so he has another reason to yell at him. He is unbalanced on his broken leg, even after the weeks of healing, and he grips the divan armrest tightly to steady himself. “Am I supposed to be content with being waited on, hand and foot? Like some fucking invalid?”

“I don’t know, Kaveh,” Alhaitham answers, his voice turning strained. He can feel his own anger bubbling inside him, but he does not want to feed it, does not want to give in to what Kaveh wants. A fight. He looks away, and stares at the marks on the wall from where the glass had broken against it.

“You’re right, you don’t know. You have no idea what it is like to have everyone look at you and see some broken person who is worth nothing more than their pity. It’s like I wear a fucking stamp on my forehead that screams at people to handle with care.” Kaveh’s voice is wavering, growing thick, and it hurts so fucking much in a way that starts in Alhaitham’s chest and spreads throughout his body. “Cyno can’t even- can’t even look me in the fucking eye after all this time. Do you know how that feels, Alhaitham? One of my closest friends has nightmares of me, every fucking night. He can’t even work, and it’s because of me. How am I supposed to feel about that, Alhaitham? Where am I supposed to put this anger, this guilt? When do I learn to put it down?”

Alhaitham flexes his jaw, and he feels his nostrils flare as he turns to look back at Kaveh. His eyes are shining bright with enraged tears, and he’s trembling where he stands. Alhaitham knows it must cause him a great deal of pain to remain standing for so long, but he also knows Kaveh is too stubborn and prideful to admit that.

“It… isn’t your fault, Kaveh. It isn’t because of you. It is something that happened to you, but it is not your-“

“Archons, just- just shut the fuck up! I’m so fucking sick of this fucking pity talk! ‘Don’t blame yourself’, ‘don’t dwell on it’, ‘it isn’t your fault’. I’m fucking sick of hearing it, over and over! I know it isn’t my fucking fault. I know that I am not to blame for being tortured for two fucking weeks in some random cave. I am not so stupid as to think that.”

“I’m not saying you are stupid, Kaveh-“ Alhaitham tries, and he hates that his anger is beginning to bleed into his words, his volume beginning to raise, and he can almost see the satisfaction in Kaveh’s face that he is riling Alhaitham up.

“Stop! Just, stop trying to fucking placate me, for the love of the Gods! You make me want to tear my fucking hair out! None of you know what it was fucking like, none of you know what it is like! I have to- to look in the mirror every fucking day and see the evidence on my skin, permanently! I am the one who has to dream of it every night. I am the one who was bled like a stuck fucking pig. You all act as if I do not know that! As if I do not know what happened to me! I remember it every fucking second I close my eyes, Alhaitham!” Kaveh is screaming now, voice cracking, and tears are streaming down his face. Each one carves a new path, a new wound, in Alhaitham’s chest, and he takes in a shuddering breath. He can feel a pressure building behind his eyes, and he cannot cry in front of Kaveh. He cannot.

“So what is it you want, Kaveh? What do you want us to do? Act like it never happened?” Alhaitham shot back, and his voice is trembling too. “What do you want, Kaveh?” Kaveh reaches up and tears at his hair, shaking even more with the effort to remain standing and Alhaitham wants so badly to make him sit back down, but he can’t. There is a lump growing in his throat and it makes it hard to breathe.

“I don’t know what I fucking want. I don’t fucking know. I just- I just want to be treated like normal again. I am so sick of being pitied. I am so sick of being treated like I’m going to break with the next strong breeze. You are the worst culprit of it. I can tell even right fucking now you want to smother me.” And that is what hurts the most out of all the words Kaveh has screamed at him. You are the worst culprit. Like a slap in the face.

The tears burn Alhaitham’s eyes now, and he grinds his teeth together. His anger, his frustration, swells like a wave inside him, and then, it crashes down, and floods Alhaitham’s entire being, making him see red as something inside him cracks.

“I can’t fucking help it, Kaveh! Fucking Archons! Do you not think I dream of the nights I spent at your bedside, scared you would never wake up? Do you think I did not suffer when I had to wait for the doctors to tell me whether or not you would live? Do you think I did not suffer when they told me what had happened to you, how bad it was? Do you know how it felt, seeing you in that- that hospital bed, like a fucking ghost, for weeks?” Alhaitham roars back, and he walks closer, fists clenched at his sides. Kaveh does not back down, and stares at him, challenging, even as tears still fall down his cheeks. “I am sorry, Kaveh, I really am, that I am terrified that if I so much as look away for too long, I am going to lose you, because I very nearly did. What would have become of me if you had died, Kaveh? Do you not understand that?”

They are nearing dangerous waters. Alhaitham knows it. He cannot stop the words from bubbling out of his mouth, even as Kaveh’s eyes widen, even as a scalding hot tear streams down his cheek and splats onto the wooden floorboards.

“Do you not understand that losing you would destroy me? Forgive me, please, if I am still frightened. Forgive me for not being able to forget the image of the man I love being beaten within an inch of his fucking life, half-dead in a hospital bed. Forgive me for not being able to forget it every time I see your bruises or your scars. Tell me what to do with this fear. Where shall I put it? Next to your anger? When do I get to learn how to let go of that? I will not apologise for the way I feel, Kaveh.” He does not miss the way Kaveh’s face falters when Alhaitham spits out the word they had been dancing around for so long. Love. Alhaitham feels a great weight on his chest suddenly, tightening so much he can’t breathe.

And then, Kaveh deals the final blow, lip trembling and voice suddenly quiet. He looks away as he says it, stares at the divan below him as he finally crushes Alhaitham underneath his foot.

“You don’t love me. You just think you do because you pity me. You’re a liar. You have never loved me,” Kaveh says, voice flat and quiet, and it hits Alhaitham like a sumpter beast. He can feel his bones crack under the words, can feel the way something irreplaceable inside his heart, his soul, shatters. Just like that, just that quickly, all of the anger and fight drains completely out of Alhaitham, and his shoulders drop.

The tears come full force now, unrelenting and unstoppable down his cheeks, burning hot with the fire of Kaveh’s anger. Despite that, he feels cold. So cold. You have never loved me. It cleaves him in two. Kaveh had finally found the words that would hurt Alhaitham most. Alhaitham sucks in a sharp breath, and it stings more than anything around the weight in his chest, around the shards of his broken heart. Like inhaling glass. He opens his mouth, to say anything, to say something, but a wet noise leaves him before he can, and he shuts his mouth just as quickly.

Kaveh’s eyes snap back up to him, and his face falls, anger vanishing, leaving behind terrible regret. It was too late though, and the damage has been done.

“How-“ Alhaitham starts, and the words choke him. He sniffles, pathetically, and presses his hand to his mouth. It shakes, just like the rest of him. He feels numb, yet so very raw at the same time. Flayed open. “How dare you,” he chokes out finally, and Kaveh’s mouth opens to say something, horrified and distraught, but Alhaitham cannot bear to hear another word out of his mouth, cannot bear to look at him, as he spins on his heel. His vision blurs with his tears as they drip down his face, and he feels his shoulders lurch with a strangled sob, as he storms his way towards his bedroom.

“Haitham-“

Alhaitham slams the door shut behind him. His knees give out immediately, and he sinks to the floor with a thump, hands coming to cover his face and knot in his hair as his back hits the door. It is suddenly quiet throughout the house, the only noise that he can hear being his own wet and ragged sobs muffled into his hands.

You don’t love me. You have never loved me.

Kaveh does not come into his room.

Alhaitham does not sleep for a long time, but he is alone in his bed that night.

--

They do not speak for days.

Every time Alhaitham wants to, every time he decides to solve this problem, he sees Kaveh, and it is like his heart is ripping anew. A knife in his side, carving away at him. His own feelings, spat back at him, so volatile and viciously. Rejected so brutally, harshly.

He can’t bring himself to breathe easy, let alone speak, when faced with Kaveh.

Kaveh avoids him just the same. Does not look up at Alhaitham, and just limps from his bedroom to the kitchen and back. Alhaitham doesn’t spend much time out of his bedroom as well. Something in him has caved in, and he is so tired, so worn down, and cannot find the desire or energy to drag himself from his bed.

It hurts especially badly when Alhaitham is woken from his tumultuous sleep in the middle of the night to a strangled scream. The noise cuts off, and it is quiet in the house, before he can just hear the muffled noises of heart-breaking sobs. Alhaitham grinds his teeth together. Presses his pillow over his head. Closes his eyes, and ignores them, ignores the feeling ripping inside him.

On the third day, Alhaitham finds himself jerking awake, drenched in sweat and gasping for air, hand flying to reach across the bed, only to come up empty. He hates the noise that escapes his throat at the realisation that he is alone. Even knowing Kaveh is okay in the other room is not enough, his violent nightmare of blood on tiles and empty hospital beds leaves him tender and raw.

Neither of them end up going to each other in the middle of the night.

It is on the fifth day that they cave inwards. They have never been able to separate from each other for long. They have always found themselves gravitating back to each other.

Alhaitham wakes to his mattress dipping with the weight of a person, and for a moment, all is fine. All is well. And then, cruelly, the memories of Kaveh’s words slap him in the face so hard his head reels with it, and he pulls the blanket he has wrapped around his shoulders tighter. He doesn’t turn around to where he knows Kaveh is.

An arm wraps around his waist, and pulls him close. He stiffens, and wants to pull away, but he has never been able to pull away from Kaveh, especially with his warmth thawing the chill in Alhaitham’s bones. Alhaitham doesn’t speak though, and feels his tears begin to rise again in his eyes as he stares forward, out the window to the risen sun. It is still low in the sky, morning having only just crept in. He doubts Kaveh slept at all that night.

Kaveh doesn’t speak for a few minutes, and just presses his face into the back of Alhaitham’s neck, arm tight around him to keep him snug against Kaveh’s chest. Alhaitham feels something like a tremor pass through his body, and he knows Kaveh feels it too. The longer Kaveh does not speak, the more Alhaitham weakens and thaws.

Finally, Kaveh moves, his other hand coming to brush away the hair at the nape of Alhaitham’s neck, and then his lips are pressing into Alhaitham’s bare skin. Alhaitham jerks at the touch, and a hurt noise escapes his mouth, unbidden and unwanted. Kaveh’s grip tightens for a moment, before relaxing. He spreads his fingers over Alhaitham’s stomach, and starts to trace small and soothing circles. The tremor returns to Alhaitham’s body, and does not leave.

You don’t love me. You’re a liar. You have never loved me.

He squeezes his eyes shut, and does not move or speak.

“Haitham,” Kaveh starts, voice low and soft. Air puffs against Alhaitham’s neck, sends goosebumps crawling down his spine. “I know it is not enough, but I am sorry. I should never have said that, I should have never- never thrown those words back at you. I was angry, and you did not deserve that,” he continues, and presses another kiss into Alhaitham’s neck. Alhaitham cannot help but hitch with it. His grip loosens on the blanket he has around him, loosens with each second Kaveh strokes his stomach. “I was unnecessarily cruel. I knew that, yet I was so angry I- I just wanted to hurt someone the way I hurt. I wish so deeply I could take those words back, sweetheart. I have known your love for a long time,” Kaveh murmurs, and Alhaitham’s breath hitches again. It sounds wetter, wrecked.

When had he needed to be the one comforted? When had Kaveh made him so weak?

“I would do anything, anything, to make it up to you. I love you so dearly, my sweet Haitham, I fear losing you so greatly too.” Kaveh’s voice is wet and thick too in Alhaitham’s ear, and he breaths shakily against Alhaitham’s skin. His words make that itch in Alhaitham’s bones come back alive, this time burning, this time unbearable. He still cannot bring himself to speak, fearing how pathetic his voice will sound, and not knowing at all what to say. Kaveh exhales again. “My love, won’t you please say something?” He punctuates it with another sweet kiss, as though he knows it is breaking Alhaitham down. He most likely does know it. They have known each other, and loved each other, for so long.

Slowly, very slowly and tentatively, Alhaitham begins to turn over in Kaveh’s arms. When he faces Kaveh, his throat constricts with the sight of the tears on those pretty pale cheeks, red eyes shining. He looks worried, so fearful, as he looks over Alhaitham’s face, searching. Alhaitham stretches his hand forward, and is swiping the tears away from Kaveh’s cheeks before he can really register the movement. Kaveh tips his face into his hand, closing his eyes and sighing shakily into it. Alhaitham’s tongue flicks over his lips, as he tries to gather the words he wants to say, the ones he has pushed down for so many years.

“You do not know where to put your anger, and I do not know where to put my love for you. When do I learn to place it down? Where do I put it? Next to your anger? Next to my fear?” Alhaitham asks, and Kaveh opens his eyes. He looks terribly distraught, and is capturing Alhaitham’s wrist in his hands before Alhaitham can pull it back. Tentatively, he kisses the centre of Alhaitham’s palm, and then moves to kiss each of his fingertips. Alhaitham’s breath is a terribly fragile thing leaving his chest.

“Put it with me. I will hold it for you. I have only ever been my love for you. It is all I am, Haitham. If you must put your love down, put it down with me,” Kaveh whispers, fraught, and Alhaitham’s eyes burn, his lungs burn, and his skin burns. Kaveh unfurls Alhaitham’s hand, and presses his face into it again, kissing the skin once more. The morning light is brightening the room, casting itself upon Kaveh’s face in its golden glory. It lights up his eyes, like rubies, like tiny suns that have been caught and brought down to the earth. His hair glows in a halo around him, and he sweeps Alhaitham’s breath away, just as he did the first time Alhaitham met him in the Akademiya.

“Kaveh,” Alhaitham starts, but he doesn’t know what else to say. His heart thumps wildly in his chest, a terribly hopeful thing, as he cranes his neck forward. They are barely an inch apart, noses touching, breath puffing against each other’s faces. He licks his lips again, and Kaveh’s eyes fall to track the movement. His face softens, opens wide, and it is so full of adoration and longing that Alhaitham cannot breathe with desire filling his lungs, and he crosses that gap between them finally.

Kaveh meets him in the middle, pretty pink lips sliding against Alhaitham’s, salt-stained with tears, and Alhaitham can’t help but sob into Kaveh’s mouth. Kaveh swallows the noise, and releases Alhaitham’s hand to knot his fingers in Alhaitham’s hair, tugging him closer. His lips are warm, so warm, as they press hard into Alhaitham’s, and he gasps so sweetly into Alhaitham’s mouth that it makes his head spin.

“Fuck,” Alhaitham whispers, when they break apart to breathe, and he does not go far. He shifts, to loom over Kaveh, pressing his golden hair and pretty face into the pillows, pressing his love into his lips. He lets himself go into the wet slide of their mouths against each other, let’s all of the pain he had felt being apart from Kaveh these last few days (no, these last few years) bleed out of him. Kaveh makes a noise, soft and wanting, and Alhaitham eats it up like the starving man he is.

The itch in him fades away, at long last, as he breaks away to press his lips to Kaveh’s cheek, his jaw, the soft skin underneath his chin. Kaveh whines, lowly, tugging on Alhaitham’s hair again, and Alhaitham muffles the noise that escapes him into the skin on Kaveh’s neck. Desperate, hungrily, he mouths at the yellowing bruises there, laving his tongue against the lump of Kaveh’s Adam’s apple, and Kaveh gasps again, tipping his head back to expose more of his neck.

“Archons,” Kaveh murmurs, and Alhaitham delights in the way he can feel the vibrations of Kaveh’s voice where he has his lips pressed to his throat. “Why have we not done this sooner? Fuck.” He sounds wrecked already, and a shudder passes its way through Alhaitham’s body as he trails his mouth back up to Kaveh’s, tugging his bottom lip into mouth and grazing over it with his teeth. Kaveh shivers against him, trying desperately to pull Alhaitham as close as possible, and every noise he makes feels like a breath of fresh air, leaves Alhaitham’s head reeling.

Alhaitham moves again, bracing himself over Kaveh with one forearm sinking into the mattress, the other hand coming to edge underneath Kaveh’s shirt, fingers spreading over the warm skin of his stomach there. Kaveh whines again, and his muscles tremble underneath Alhaitham’s hand. His hips jerk, and heat rushes through Alhaitham’s entire body, straight from his head to his crotch. He can feel his cock hardening in his sleep pants, and has to break away from Kaveh’s mouth to catch his breath. He sucks in much needed oxygen, and looks down at Kaveh, who’s eyes are peeking open, half-lidded and clouding over, and Alhaitham feels as though his heart may burst out of his chest from the surge of adoration he feels.

“Tell me now if you want to stop, Kaveh, because I think I am going to lose my mind,” Alhaitham says, voice low, and Kaveh blinks slowly at him. He pulls his bottom lip underneath his teeth, nibbling at it, and he looks so tantalizing that Alhaitham’s dick hardens more, draining his brain of blood.

“Please, Haitham, I want- I need you,” Kaveh finally breathes, airy and wrecked, and Alhaitham feels a groan slip out of him as he presses back down to bite at Kaveh’s lips. He slides his hand up Kaveh’s abdomen, up to his chest, pushing his shirt up with it, and Kaveh moans so sweetly into his mouth. He arches into the touch, and Alhaitham moves back to his neck, this time latching his mouth on and sucking a mark into the skin. He will cover every bruise, every scar, with a mark of his own, to remind Kaveh of what Alhaitham feels for him.

Tentatively, he grazes his fingers over Kaveh’s nipples, and feels Kaveh’s hips kick again, another heated moan slipping out of him, fingers tightening almost painfully in Alhaitham’s hair. Alhaitham pinches the bud of one in his fingers, rolls it between them, and Kaveh keens loudly, thighs spreading open underneath Alhaitham. It makes his head spin, and he pants again against Kaveh’s neck, lowering himself to roll his hips against Kaveh’s, finding him just as hard as him. The friction makes Alhaitham shudder again, his own moan slipping out of him, and Kaveh gasps raggedly, bucking his hips up into Alhaitham desperately.

“Fuck,” Alhaitham hisses, and withdraws his hand from Kaveh’s chest. He rocks backwards, hating that he had to pull his mouth away from Kaveh, but lust was very swiftly beginning to cloud everything over in his mind. He sits up above Kaveh, and he’s never been so fucking turned on in his life looking down at the architect spread out below him. Kaveh is breathing heavily, eyes foggy with arousal, as he slips his hand down to grasp at Alhaitham’s hip.

Quickly, as though filled with fire, Alhaitham tugs his shirt off over his head, and Kaveh hurriedly does the same, both of them flinging them off somewhere into Alhaitham’s room. Alhaitham leans back more, and slides his fingers underneath the waistband of Kaveh’s pyjama pants, but stops, looking up at Kaveh’s blown out pupils.

“This okay?” He asks, voice gravelly, and Kaveh nods quickly, lifting his hips up to allow Alhaitham to slide his pants off easily. Alhaitham’s head spins with the fact that Kaveh wasn’t wearing underwear, his cock springing out, lovely and perfect, precum beading at the reddened tip. His mouth goes dry with desire. He pulls Kaveh’s pants off the rest of the way, over his bandaged leg, and swallows with a click in his throat as he looks down at the fully naked man underneath him. “Fuck. You’re beautiful, Kaveh,” he mumbles, and Kaveh’s face flushes red.

He looks away, suddenly shy, and Alhaitham can see the disbelief and doubt in his eyes. He had previously confessed, late at night, that the scars now littering his body made him feel self-conscious, especially with the loss of weight and muscle mass he had suffered.

But Alhaitham only speaks the truth, as he grazes his fingertips over the raised edges of the surgical scars on his abdomen, around to cup his waist, stroking the scarred skin of his back gently. Kaveh flushes more, squirming underneath Alhaitham, lips parting to exhale frantically.

“Do you not believe me? When have I ever lied to you?” Alhaitham rumbles, leaning down to press his lips to Kaveh’s stomach, before flashing his tongue out to lick a long stripe up the scar in the centre of it. Kaveh jerks, whimpering sharply, and his hips buck upwards, cock sliding against the skin of Alhaitham’s stomach, leaving a smear of precum. It makes Alhaitham feel absolutely feral with lust, as he trails his lips down.

“Haitham,” Kaveh whispers, hoarse, as Alhaitham mouths at the trail of hair below his bellybutton. His eyes never depart from Kaveh’s face, to watch every reaction. His cheeks are flushed dark red, and the red of his eyes is almost completely covered by the dark of his pupils. His lips are swollen from bites and kisses, and his abdominal muscles tremble underneath Alhaitham’s mouth.

“Beautiful. Perfect, so perfect.” Alhaitham is reverent, worshipping, as he moves his hands to grip Kaveh’s hips, thumbs stroking over the bones there. Kaveh sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, worrying over it, as he watches Alhaitham with wide eyes. Alhaitham keeps sliding down, following the trail, until his mouth is hovering over the patch of coarse blonde curls between Kaveh’s thighs. Kaveh spreads them more, almost instinctively, and Alhaitham’s mouth waters. “Pretty, even here,” Alhaitham whispers, and Kaveh shivers, trembling underneath the Scribe.

Teasingly, Alhaitham moves past Kaveh’s weeping cock, using one hand to pull one of Kaveh’s thighs to the side so that he can latch onto the soft skin of his inner thigh. Kaveh moans, loudly, and his head falls backwards into the pillows, as Alhaitham sucks a dark red mark into his thigh.

“Oh, Archons,” Kaveh mumbles, dazed, as Alhaitham tips his head to nip at the other thigh, before sinking his teeth into it. Kaveh twists underneath him, thighs trembling, and he makes a wrecked little noise in the back of his throat when Alhaitham soothes the bite with his tongue. “Haitham, Haitham, please, oh-“ he pleads, voice high and whiny, and he reaches down to grasp at Alhaitham’s hand still on his hip, squeezing his fingers tightly. “Please.”

Hearing Kaveh beg him does insane things to Alhaitham’s head and cock, brain fogging over with desire, as he laps at a fading scar on Kaveh’s thigh. Finally, he relents, moving up to cup Kaveh’s sack in his hand, thumb rubbing the soft skin, and Kaveh jolts, keening loudly as his hips thrust down into his hand. Alhaitham hums in delight as he traces his tongue from the base of Kaveh’s shaft, up to his tip, dipping into the leaking slit there. Kaveh lets out a high and hurt noise, and quickly grasps Alhaitham’s hair, soft moans and whimpers escaping his pretty mouth.

Alhaitham lets the tip of Kaveh’s cock slide past his lips, sucks on it lightly, tasting the drip of salty precum, pressing his tongue into the sensitive underside of the head. Kaveh cries out, loud and desperate, hips kicking into Alhaitham’s mouth, and Alhaitham watches carefully as Kaveh presses his face into the pillow, gasping wetly into the fabric. His eyes squeeze shut, as Alhaitham works more of his length into his mouth, hand coming up to stroke the rest.

“Oh, oh,” Kaveh gasps, bending his knees to bracket Alhaitham’s head with his thighs, which shake around his ears. Alhaitham spends some time there, bobbing his head, swallowing roughly around the cock stretching his lips, until Kaveh is shaking all over, babbling Alhaitham’s name. His hand clenches and releases Alhaitham’s hair in erratic bursts, and he’s leaking steadily now, a constant drip into Alhaitham’s mouth. “I can’t- oh-“

Alhaitham cups Kaveh’s balls again, feels the way they tighten, and Kaveh’s noise start to grow in pitch the more Alhaitham sucks at him, getting closer and closer.

“Haitham- I’m going to- I can’t-“ he babbles, and Alhaitham inhales deeply, before pulling off, letting Kaveh’s dick slide out of his mouth, slick with saliva. Kaveh sobs then, chest arching upwards, hips trying to chase his heat. “No, no-“

“Shh, it’s okay, ‘m not done with you yet,” Alhaitham soothes, kissing Kaveh’s trembling stomach, and Kaveh whines, reedy, eyes still squeezed shut tightly as his chest heaves with how close he was. “Don’t want to tire you out too soon,” Alhaitham murmurs.

He leans over to his bedside drawer, pulling it open to fumble around, and retrieves the bottle of oil in there. Kaveh’s eyes blink open, and he raises an inquisitive eyebrow at Alhaitham, even with his face still flushed. Alhaitham just smirks back down at him, and kisses the side of his neck, before moving up to his ear to whisper against it.

“What, you think I haven’t fucked my hand to the thought of you like this before?” His voice is low, and Kaveh inhales sharply, turning his head and tugging Alhaitham’s face to his, kissing him desperately.

“Fuck, Haitham, I need you to- please hurry the fuck up,” Kaveh begs, tightening his grip on Alhaitham’s hair and pulling harshly. It sends tingles down Alhaitham’s spine, and he grunts at the feeling, and swallows Kaveh’s words, sucking his tongue into his mouth. Kaveh moans at the feeling, and his other hand not in Alhaitham’s hand slides down Alhaitham’s chest to paw at the waistband of his pants. Alhaitham chuckles against his lips, but it turns into a groan when Kaveh dips his hand under, hand wrapping around Alhaitham’s shaft and squeezing.

“Kaveh,” he groans, against his mouth, and Kaveh whines, pleading. “Fuck, I’ve- I’ve got you, hold on,” Alhaitham murmurs, and shimmies his way back down. Kaveh lifts his legs back up, and spreads his thighs, spreading himself wide for Alhaitham to see. “Archons, you’re so fucking perfect, Kaveh.” The words slip out before he can really think about it, and Kaveh stares down at him with half-lidded eyes and redness creeping over his cheeks. He looks wrecked already, and it makes Alhaitham’s cock throb needily where it was still trapped under his pants. Groaning, he reaches down and pushes his pants and underwear down, hissing at the feeling of fresh air hitting his cock. He thumbed at the tip, panting as he smeared his own precum down his shaft, and shivered with it. Kaveh watched him, still with those half-lidded eyes, mesmerised and wanting.

“Haitham,” He whispered, quietly, and Alhaitham hummed, releasing his shaft to open the oil he held in his other hand and using it to slick up his fingers. Kaveh shifted, tipping his thighs open more and curling his hips up, exposing his puckered entrance. Alhaitham’s cock throbbed again at the obscene display, mouth filling with saliva. “Won’t you make love to me?” He murmured, voice dazed and soft, and Alhaitham swore under his breath.

Tentatively, he stroked one of his fingers over Kaveh’s hole, feeling the way the muscle twitched underneath the pads of his fingers. Gingerly, he pressed in, and Kaveh let out an airy and soft noise, head falling back. His hand stretched out, and Alhaitham quickly grasped it with his free hand, squeezing his fingertips in reassurance as he began to pump his finger in and out of Kaveh.

After a few minutes, Alhaitham tenderly slid another finger in, and Kaveh whined throatily, thighs twitching with the stretch as Alhaitham scissored his fingers open. Alhaitham watches, mesmerised, as Kaveh’s cock beads at the tip with precum, a rivulet running down a vein along the shaft.

“You look so good, Kaveh. Archons I-“ he says, voice tight with arousal. Kaveh moans, as Alhaitham spreads his fingers inside him, stroking along his warm walls. Curling his fingers, he presses up, and suddenly Kaveh was jerking, crying out loudly. Alhaitham could feel a small nub underneath his fingers, and his stomach grows warm with the realisation he has found Kaveh’s prostate. The Scribe strokes over it, and Kaveh sobs out loudly, his thigh muscles tightening as he shivers.

“Oh- Haitham-“ Kaveh babbles, his cock leaking heavily. It streams down his balls, and drips down to where Alhaitham’s hand was wedged between Kaveh’s legs. Alhaitham’s tongue flashes out, hungry, as he slid a third finger in, immediately pressing it next to his other two where they stroke over Kaveh’s prostate.

He shifts up, sliding his body up Kaveh’s to press his lips into his neck, feeling the way his pulse races under his mouth. Kaveh moans, turning his head to capture Alhaitham’s lips with his. He sobs into his mouth, as Alhaitham works his fingers faster inside of him.

“Haitham, o-oh- Archons- I can’t-“ He weeps, lips sliding against Alhaitham’s as he speaks. Alhaitham feels a punch of arousal in his stomach, like fire spreading throughout his limbs. His chest flushes, and Alhaitham could feel heat creep up to his face as he watches Kaveh slowly fall apart underneath him.

“Kaveh, darling, I- I-“ He chokes out, and Kaveh flutters his eyes open to gaze at him, red eyes hazy with pleasure. “I love you so, so much,” he croaks, voice cracking, and Kaveh’s eyes widens, and then he was throwing his head back, mouth opening in a wail, voice cracking over the noise of it.

Warmth splatters against Alhaitham’s stomach suddenly, and his hand stops its ministrations inside Kaveh. It takes him a second to realise what has happened, as Kaveh shudders violently underneath him. He’s making these tiny little breathless noises, entrance clenching around Alhaitham’s fingers, as he comes down from his sudden orgasm, his come splattered over both of their stomachs.

“Oh- oh- Haitham, babe-“ Kaveh blabbers, hips jerking up frantically. His eyes are squeezed shut, and tears are beginning to leak out of the corners of them. “I love you, fuck, fu-“

Alhaitham cuts him off with a kiss, smashing their mouths together. Kaveh is still out of it, reeling with his orgasm, and gasps wetly into Alhaitham’s mouth, barely able to answer his kisses.

“So good, so good for me, you’re so beautiful baby, fuck,” Alhaitham mumbles into Kaveh’s mouth, earning a keen from him as he turns his head, allowing Alhaitham access to his neck to suck more bruises into it. “Do you want to stop?” Alhaitham asks, although he desperately does not want to, his cock so hard it was painful between his thighs.

Kaveh whines, throat vibrating with it, as he tangles his fingers into Alhaitham’s hair. He breathes heavily, in and out, trying to regain his composure.

“N-No, I want- I want you inside me, Haitham, please,” Kaveh begs lowly, and Alhaitham shivers at the words. His head spins with desire, spreading throughout his entire being, like being flooded with warm water. He bows his head, burying it into Kaveh’s neck and breathing out shakily. It feels like there was absolutely no blood in his brain.

“Fuck,” he whispers, hoarse. Wrecked. He leans back, rocking back onto his legs to sit up above Kaveh, staring down at him. There are white traces on Kaveh’s abdomen, staining up to his chest. He’s panting, still, and the flush of his cheeks hasn’t faded in the slightest. If anything, it’s grown down to his torso, meeting his own come stains. Alhaitham feels like his entire world has been tipped on its side, looking down at Kaveh like that underneath him.

Everything he had ever desired, spread out below him at last.

For a second, his heart twists, stinging with the realisation that should things have gone differently two months prior, Alhaitham would’ve never gotten this. Would’ve never gotten to kiss Kaveh, to tell him he loved him. Would’ve never gotten to see that pretty smile gazing up at him, eyes cloudy and fucked out.

It hurts, sharply, and he has to breathe out wearily and shakily to compose himself. Kaveh seems to notice his sudden pause, and reaches up to place his hand on Alhaitham’s hip.

“Love, why do you look so forlorn? What’s wrong?” His voice is strained, still, tight with arousal, as he circles his thumb over Alhaitham’s bare skin. Alhaitham smiles, but can’t hide the tightness he feels in the corners of it. Kaveh frowns, eyes going soft. “Haitham,” Kaveh says, voice sharper and warier.

“I’m sorry, it’s just-“ He replies, sighing, and dragging his hand down his face, ruffling his hair. Kaveh waits, patient, eyes warm and loving. “I just got caught up in thinking. It doesn’t matter.”

Kaveh doesn’t look convinced, and Alhaitham can feel his own erection start to flag. Kaveh eyes it, and slides his hand from Alhaitham’s hip to his cock, wrapping his hand around his shaft and stroking it up, twisting at the top enough to make Alhaitham shudder and groan. It very quickly hardens under Kaveh’s grasp, and Alhaitham shuffles around. He lifts Kaveh’s legs up, gentle with his still wounded one, and places them over his own thighs.

Kaveh shivers as well, and Alhaitham reaches over to grab the oil, pouring some onto his hand to slick up his cock. He grits his teeth at the feeling, his skin scalding hot underneath his hand, and he slowly begins to line himself up with Kaveh’s entrance.

Kaveh’s eyes go wide, and he swallows thickly as Alhaitham presses the head of his cock in, stomach clenching in arousal and at the feeling of Kaveh’s tightness. Kaveh whines throatily, tipping his head back, as Alhaitham slides slowly in.

It takes everything in him to remain controlled, sliding his eyes shut as he exhales sharply through his nose. Kaveh is tight and so hot. It’s so hard to remain still, especially when he feels Kaveh clench for a moment, whining thinly through his teeth.

“Fuck, Kaveh you’re so- oh Gods,” he chokes out, voice terribly wrecked and raw. They had only just started and Alhaitham thought he was already going to burst into flames.

Kaveh wiggles his hips, and it sends heat singing through Alhaitham’s veins as he grips Kaveh’s hips tightly, stilling him.

“Just- give me a minute,” he hisses out, and Kaveh groans lowly. Alhaitham tentatively rolls his hips in, opens his eyes just a fraction to look down at Kaveh. He looks wrecked as well, chest rising up and down quickly as he stares up at Alhaitham, pensive and waiting.

“You can move, Haitham,” Kaveh whispers, and Alhaitham swallows thickly, nodding. Slowly, he pulls out, and then thrusts back in sharply. Kaveh’s head falls backwards, and he keens, thighs jerking around Alhaitham’s hips. Alhaitham groans out his own noise, and closes his eyes again, as he begins to start up a slow rhythm.

Every one of Kaveh’s noises makes his blood burn, fire spreading through his entire body. It makes him feel like his world is spinning, his cock throbbing inside Kaveh.

“Faster,” Kaveh pleads, voice cracking, and Alhaitham huffs, shuddering as he starts to pick up the pace. He keels forward, placing his hand next to Kaveh’s head, the other hand still holding his hip, as he starts to give in to the pleasure ravaging his insides. Kaveh makes a wounded noise, and he grips Alhaitham’s bicep tightly, digging his fingers in so harshly that the skin is sure to bruise. “Oh fuck.”

Alhaitham feels much the same, as he grunts raggedly, pressing his face into Kaveh’s clavicle as the warmth inside him starts to grow. He can feel Kaveh’s dick bouncing against their stomachs, hardened again already. It smears the come on their skin with more precum, and Alhaitham can feel himself begin to leak as well, dripping into Kaveh’s heat.

“Baby, Kaveh,” Alhaitham mumbles, and Kaveh moans loudly, desperate and delirious with pleasure. Alhaitham lifts Kaveh’s hip up, angling him better, and suddenly Kaveh is shuddering violently underneath him, his hand not on Alhaitham’s bicep reaching up to rip at Alhaitham’s hair violently.

“Haitham! There, there, oh my Archons! There!” Kaveh shrieks, and Alhaitham moans lowly, feeling horribly closer to his impending orgasm. Kaveh clenches around him, tight and hot, and Alhaitham gasps wetly, mouthing against Kaveh’s sweat-slicked skin. “Please, please, please,” Kaveh begs loudly, and Alhaitham feels like he’s been flayed open with desire.

“Kaveh, sweetheart, I’m close, fuck,” he murmurs into Kaveh’s skin. Kaveh sobs, turning to mouth at Alhaitham’s ear, pleading deliriously. Alhaitham shivers with it, a heavy fog settling over his mind as he fucks into Kaveh’s hole.

“M-me too- oh- it’s- it’s too much- oh- I can’t- I can’t- Haitham, baby, please-“ Kaveh babbles pathetically, and he’s leaking so much that his cock slides slickly against Alhaitham’s stomach now.

Fumbling, Alhaitham reaches down between where their bodies are connected, and wraps his shaking hand around Kaveh’s dick, panting heavily at the wet feeling there. He slides his hand up, and feels his rhythm begin to stutter and fail.

He loses himself into hard and chasing thrusts, desperately trying to chase his own orgasm and pull Kaveh along with him, his head feeling heavy and clouded with desire with each of Kaveh’s breathless little noises into his ear, and the thick wet slap of their skin meeting.

He’s making these wrecked noises now, little gasps of ‘ah, ah, ah,’ and it drives Alhaitham fucking insane, his thighs trembling with the effort now. Kaveh’s eyes are rolled back into his head, back stuck in a permanent arch against Alhaitham’s chest as he begs. The fire inside of Alhaitham has consumed him almost entirely now, eyes half-open, mouth pressed and gasping into Kaveh’s skin.

“I love you, Kaveh,” he whispers, hoarse, consumed by pleasure, and Kaveh whimpers loudly, and then come is splattering against their stomachs once more, coating Alhaitham’s hand, and then Alhaitham’s vision goes white. He whines, thin through his teeth, shivering apart as he spills inside Kaveh.

He truly feels flayed open now, panting and whining against Kaveh as they both come down. He can’t tell which one of them is trembling the most, his brain too muddied to think coherently.

Kaveh must come back to himself first, because he loosens his grip in Alhaitham’s hair and strokes through the locks, pressing a kiss into Alhaitham’s ear and cheek. Alhaitham grunts again, trying to regain his breath and coherency.

“You okay, darling?” Kaveh murmurs gently, and Alhaitham swallows drily, throat clicking with it. He turns his head to kiss weakly against Kaveh’s neck, inhaling the smell of his sweat and soap.

“Yeah, I just-“ he starts, but has to stop when another tremor works its way through his body. Kaveh chuckles softly, and moves his hand down to stroke Alhaitham’s back, drawing circles in between his shoulders. Slowly, Alhaitham lifts his head and blinks dazedly, his vision refocusing on the sight of Kaveh gazing up at him, smiling prettily, eyes soft with love.

He has to swallow again around the emotion suddenly choking him, feeling tender and raw looking down at Kaveh, his lover now, his Kaveh, and he leans down to kiss Kaveh sweetly. It’s nice, for a moment, until Alhaitham shifts, and he feels his softened cock drag against Kaveh’s walls, and they both gasp at that, Alhaitham’s eyes fluttering shut.

Tentatively, he shifts backwards to pull out, and watches, mesmerised, as his come leaks out of Kaveh’s puffy rim, pooling white into the sheets below him. He’s enraptured by the sight, especially when Kaveh’s hole flutters open before clenching shut, and another spike of arousal hits him low in his stomach. Dazedly, brain still slow from his orgasm, he presses a drip of come back into Kaveh with his finger, feeling the way Kaveh gasps and clenches with it, spasming around Alhaitham’s finger. Quickly, Kaveh slams his thighs shut, and Alhaitham is forced to pull his hand away.

“I’m not going for another round, and stop staring. It’s embarrassing!” Kaveh hisses out, and Alhaitham looks up at him to see his entire face, neck and chest flushed bright red. Alhaitham doesn’t mind, and smiles lazily. He can still enjoy the sight of Kaveh spread over his bed, streaks of come over his stomach, bite marks littering his skin, plenty.

Kaveh blinks down at Alhaitham’s lazy grin, and flushes darker, turning his head away and nibbling at his bottom lip.

“I told you to stop staring,” he mumbles, shyly, quietly, and Alhaitham laughs softly, crawling his way back up to flop down next to Kaveh, peppering his cheeks in kisses.

“I can’t help it, you look so beautiful like this. I could stare at you all day, Kaveh. Didn’t you say I had no appreciation for art? Here I am, appreciating it.”

That earns him a slap on the shoulder, before Kaveh covers his face with his hands, mortified.

“Shut up, you’re so fucking cheesy. Celestia. Go get a towel, for goodness’ sake. I feel gross,” Kaveh squeaks, and Alhaitham laughs heartily, pressing more kisses into Kaveh’s face, before finally pulling away to go to the bathroom. Once he’s finished cleaning up his own stomach, he returns to the bedroom to see Kaveh poking disdainfully at the smears of come on his stomach, face pulled into a grimace. Alhaitham laughs, and throws the cloth to him, only for it to land with a wet splat on Kaveh’s stomach. Kaveh jerks, squawking in surprise, before shooting a scathing glare at Alhaitham as he picks it up and cleans himself up.

“You’re a piece of shit, you know?” Kaveh grumbles, and Alhaitham gives him a lopsided smile, sliding back into the bed next to him. He kisses Kaveh’s cheek again, for good measure,  and feels how heat rises in Kaveh’s face.

“Yeah, but you love me anyways,” Alhaitham whispers, and Kaveh grumbles again under his breath, but turns his head to kiss Alhaitham’s lips, humming into his mouth.

“Unfortunately so.”

Alhaitham doesn’t deign that worthy of a response, as he pulls the blanket back over the two of them whilst Kaveh begins to shuffle down underneath them, curling himself against Alhaitham’s side.

Alhaitham pulls Kaveh against his chest, and combs his hand through Kaveh’s hair, before drifting his hand down to stroke over his back. The skin there is raised with the numerous scars, dipping up and down in thickened patches. Alhaitham tries not to dwell on it, tries not to dwell on the thought of a whip cracking over Kaveh’s skin, over and over, and presses his lips into Kaveh’s head. He knows that Kaveh was especially insecure about his back, constantly fussing to make sure his cape now covers the window at the back of his shirt. Still, Kaveh doesn’t react when Alhaitham runs his hand over the scars, and just hums contently, nuzzling his face into Alhaitham’s chest.

It warms his heart to know that Kaveh trusts Alhaitham so, and does not care about things like the scars that mar his body whilst curled in his arms.

“I love you too, stupid,” Alhaitham mumbles into Kaveh’s hair, and Kaveh laughs softly into his skin. “Let’s go back to sleep. You woke me too early.”

“Oh did I? I didn’t hear you complaining ten minutes ago,” Kaveh sneers back, and it’s Alhaitham’s turn to laugh as he tugs the blanket up higher to cover their shoulders. The sun has risen almost entirely in the sky, but Alhaitham pays it no mind, as he sighs contently into Kaveh’s golden hair, letting the tension leak out of his body. For the first time in a long, long time, he feels truly content and at peace. Satisfied, in his bones, heart and soul.

They had a long road ahead of them in terms of recovery, but here, warm in the morning glow with Kaveh in his arms, Alhaitham truly feels like he could conquer the world.

They could do it all together, after all. Hand in hand.