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Tim has had many disguises in his lifetime, has had identities switched like clockwork. First from socialite darling Timothy Drake to Tim and back, later Robin and Tim which he has to carefully separate.
Other identities accumulate, Carolina, Alvin, Jessica, Tommy. He has forgotten about half of them. They all have a life, goals and hobbies, a look and a feel and a smell. They do not interchange. Tim is not Tim when he is Jones or Michelle or Charlie. That’s what he tells himself at least. It is required for the mission.
Batman had told him he would be going undercover one day, when Tim was fourteen. Tim had not asked further questions and had familiarized himself with the role. He’s been fifteen the first time he went out as an adult woman. He had not been grabbed and touched and squeezed before in his entire life. He had not liked it.
Curiously, Bruce never asks how he knows how to do makeup, how to shift forms and hide. Tim would not be able to tell him. Tim has known how to color-correct a bruise since he was eight and recovering from a black eye. Maybe Batman assumes he lets Barbara do his make up.
One time, Dick asks him how he’s so good at undercover work. Tim smiles broadly and says it has turned into somewhat of a hobby of his. Tim does not have hobbies anymore. Tim is always working.
Damian and Jason are there the next time work requires a disguise. He dresses himself in a short, tight dress and pads out his hips and chest. He wraps ribbons around his ankles where his heels connect. He starts doing his makeup, erasing the gaunt, sunken in eyes and pencils in pointier eyebrows and a rounder face.
He enters the cave and Damian draws his weapon. That is not new. Except, now he’s screeching about an intruder. Tim starts laughing. Jason watches him with hawk eyes. Tim pulls off his wig which he hasn’t fastened yet. The look of shock on Damian’s face is the funniest he has ever seen. Dick chuckles and Batman says nothing.
He introduces them to Amelia Johnson, age 22, who likes to party and sometimes snort some fun.
Damian is looking at him with absolute horror in his eyes. He turns to Batman and demands to know if he will be required to do a similar mission in the future. He is outraged. Jason hasn’t stopped looking at him.
Batman assures him that this is not something he has to do. It surprises Tim, who thought all Robins did something similar once upon a time.
Dick turns to him with an incredulous stare. He questions Tim’s sanity. He gestures to Jason and asks Tim how exactly Jason could be disguised as a woman. Dick has a point.
Tim shrugs, “I never really thought about it, I guess. A mission required it, I did it.“, he says, though his mind is reeling. The attention shifts to Batman, who has been watching his sons.
“Mission requires it“, he repeats in his usual growl. It’s really not a big deal, Tim tries to tell them. It’s not hard or anything. Dick steps closer.
“Did you do this yourself“, he asks and Tim is slightly taken aback. Dick has seen him in disguise before, though admittedly less recently.
“Yeah, I did. Its practical“
“Practical“, Dick repeats. Tim blinks up at him and tilts his head. Something is different tonight.
“What?“, he asks.
“Man, Replacement I had no clue you could be a convincing chick“, Jason half calls across the cave from his place in the corner.
“What, like it's hard?“, so he quotes Legally Blonde, sue him. It’s a good film. It’s Amelia’s favorite.
“What are you doing tonight anyway?“, Dick asks. Something in his voice has shifted. Damian has thankfully lowered his sword but he still looks shell-shocked.
“Dear Amelia wants to have some fun after her week at College tonight. She’s a bit of a workaholic, so she’ll be interest in buying something to be more awake. Something fun.“, he says in a pitched voice that comes more from the back of his throat than his normal speech.
Jason growls. Tim raises an eyebrow.
“So, what? You’re going to a club? Dressed like this?“, it almost sounds like Jason is worried about his innocence or something.
“Obviously. I want to attract the attention of a dealer who has connections to the Sanchez-clan“, he explains.
“We have intel that the dealer specifically targets young college students and has a preference for brunettes“, B’ tells them. Tim nods. He’s read the file.
Dick looks considerably paler. Tim wonders if he should make his brother sit down.
Jason looks pissed. What else is new?
“Fuck B’, I may not be Replacements biggest fan but even you have to know that like this, he’ll be attracting a lot of unwanted advances“
Tim rolls his eyes. “Yeah dude, that’s kind of the point. I don’t wear this for fun. Plus, I’m Red Robin, I’ll be fine with a little touching“
Dick looks at him and his face is tinged green. Tim refuses to be embarrassed by this. He pulls out a chair and guides Dick to it.
“And you’re just ok with that, B’?“ Jason demands. Man, what is his deal? Sure, it’s not the nicest thing to have to do but it wasn’t like anything would happen.
“The mission requires it“, Bruce repeats.
“You’re fine with your barely legal child being touched in a club for some stupid info?“, Dick says and his voice is much smaller than usual. Tim looks at him in concern. This is weird.
“Dick, you know this already. You’ve seen me doing this before. You were there the first time I dressed up as a girl, Lucy, I think. What other purpose would that have?“
Lucy had been nice. She’d come from a modest background, so she wore a high neckline dress that ended just above the knee. She’d worn glasses and had a fringe.
Dick, to Tim’s horror, starts gagging. He quickly pulls out the trashcan from under a desk. Dick takes it and vomits. The atmosphere in the cave is tense. Tim shivers. The dress really is rather skimpy.
“Tim, you were fifteen!“, Dick says after he retches out the rest of his dinner. Tim shrugs. He doesn’t like the attention.
“And? Lucy helped score evidence to lock up 13 different traffickers. It’s really not a big deal.“
Jason has paled as well. His posture is tense and his eyes dark. Damian has positioned himself at Dick’s side, like the worried little brother he was deep down.
“Bruce, tell me you did not make a fifteen year old get molested by grown adults for info“, his voice is surprisingly calm for the anger he’s hiding in his form. Batman hunches in a bit. It doesn’t look good on him.
“It wasn’t like that, Jason. It’s not like I go out specifically to get touched or anything. Besides, I did it all knowingly because it was worth it.“ Tim has done this calculation a hundred times. A night of sweat and a beat that settled in his stomach was worth saving lives.
“Father this is preposterous. Surely you can come up with a better way to gather information then putting Drake in a wig.“, Damian says but his eyes keep flitting between Tim and Bruce and something has obviously unsettled him.
“Bruce how could you?“, Dick asks suddenly and there is so much betrayal in his voice that Tim wishes he’d never revealed it at all. It makes this dirty somehow, to see the others against it.
“What happened to our health above the mission? Did that get buried with me?“, Jason asks and there’s a history there that Tim has no knowledge of. Bruce looks away.
“It was required“, he says instead and clearly for him, that discussion is over. Tim looks at his watch- curses.
He looks at the chaos his brothers have turned into and waves. “Cool. Sorry for whatever this was, but I really have to go“
Amelia has more of a pep in her step and she sways her hips a little. Tim gets into one of the more inconspicuous cars and drives. He can hear the argument in the background.
The mission is what he expects. He’s never been in a club outside of disguise and he doesn’t think he’ll ever go. The music is bad and loud and there are sweaty bodies everywhere. He puts in his earplugs and scans the room. He has his target down in a mere few minutes. He dances sensually, joining the people already surrounding him. It’s like a big mass, all encompassing and hot and sometimes horrifyingly wet. He will smell like a bar when he leaves.
He makes his way across the room until he’s basically right in front of the dealer. He’s younger than they usually are but no less grimy. He doesn’t hesitate to get a feel of Tim’s synthetic hips and rubs his body against Tim. This is his least favorite part of the night but he perseveres.
Eventually, the dealer signals him towards an exit. Amelia is having a lot of fun.
Outside, it’s positively freezing, a stark contrast to the heat of the club. The dealer, who introduces himself as Finn even though Tim knows his name is Pete, lights a cigarette. He offers it to Tim who inhales a couple of times before passing it back. He tilts his head up and blinks. His fake lashes are unnaturally heavy against his lids.
“You got anything stronger than that?“, he asks innocently. ‘Finn’ smiles and tells him that he has everything Amelia wants. She asks for some coke. He palms her ass whilst giving her a bag. She pretends to not be disgusted by it.
She excuses herself to the bathroom and leaves through the window. His car is parked in the next alley over. It’s untouched. The streets are barren. He’s glad. Amelia only has a taser. (Tim has a knife fixed to his thigh and another, smaller switchblade in the padding of his chest. He does not want to use it.)
He feels dirty, like he always does after a job like this. But he has the goods and they can now trace who puts what to lace the drugs. Pete is affiliated with a certain mob and they’re trying to figure out who exactly is distributing the stuff.
He starts the car. He should’ve put a change of clothing in the back.
His arrival in the cave is met with tense silence. He doesn’t even enter the main area, just goes to shower. He knows he looks like a mess, hair tangled and his make up sweaty. He’s glad no one sees him. He puzzles over Dick’s reaction. Jason’s he somewhat gets, what with his history on the streets. But Dick? It was so violent in nature…
He makes his way back to the computer after taking a very hot shower and scrubbing furiously, he hasn’t lost the slight tang of alcohol and his breath smells like smoke.
Only B’ is in the cave when he does enter and he’s glad for it. Batman doesn’t even look up when Tim delivers the small pouch filled with white powder. He grunts in approval.
Tim deserves to go to sleep and resolves to do the recap tomorrow morning. But not before he has a late night snack.
Imagine his surprise when all his brothers are gathered in the kitchen, cups of hot chocolate littered on the counter. He raises an eyebrow and shuffles past. The quiet conversation stops when he enters. He makes himself a toast.
“Mission went well?“, Jason asks. Tim is surprised. He would’ve though Dick would be the first to speak.
“Yeah. Goods secured.“, they are going to save lives with this info. He still doesn’t like the sudden scrutiny he’s under.
“And- nothing happened?“, Dick’s hands shake around his cup. Tim catalogues it for later. He shrugs.
“Nothing that was not expected“, he answers evasively. It’s not like he was assaulted. It’s just, he doesn’t appreciate wandering hands. Damian looks at him. Tim smiles at him.
“Fuck baby bird, there shouldn’t even be something to expect! What B’ did was wrong“
Tim scrunches his eyebrows. His toast is done. He bites down and chews.
“What do you want me to say? That it’s horrible? That I don’t like it? Of course I don’t, Jason. But that doesn’t change that this is important. Bigger than me. That makes it worth it.“
Dick lets his head fall. Tim wants to reach out but he knows it’s not appreciated.
“I mean, at least that’s a more reasonable reaction than saying everything’s fine. You realize it’s severely fucked up, especially at fifteen?“
“I didn’t start at fifteen, you know that, right? That’s just the first time I went undercover as a woman. It started basically with my run as Robin. I just went out as a boy usually.“
Tim says even though he knows that probably makes it worse. Jason closes his eyes and massages his temples. He curses.
“That’s even worse! What was B’ on?“
Tim has his own suspicions concerning why exactly his relationship with B was so different to everybody else. Starting and ending with the fact that it had basically been a contract between them that allowed Batman to not see him as a child. Tim was a tiny adult from the get go. He wisely does not tell Jason that.
“We didn’t treat Tim well, after everything, Jaybird. I probably should’ve stepped in, I’m sorry“ Dick says instead and Tim is actually afraid he’s going to start crying. Damian is still looking at him.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Dick. I knew what I signed up to“, he hadn’t, but he was sure as hell not telling Dick that.
“And you are sure father will not require the same from me?“, Damian breaks the tense silence. The horror that flashes across his face is too difficult to hide. It’s gone as quickly as it came. He shakes his head. “No, Damian, you’re not going out like that. No matter what Bruce says. If it’s needed for a mission, I go. You don’t“
He hadn’t actually realized how visceral his emotions would be to the idea that Damian would go out like that. It’s a reasonable question, Damian is thirteen, soon fourteen. Had Tim been that young when he went out? He was tiny, even with all his training. He couldn’t imagine anyone ever trying to touch his little brother and coming out unscathed.
On second thought, maybe he understands his older brothers reaction. It’s just, well, with him it's different. Tim was not a child like Damian was. He couldn’t have been. Because then B’ should’ve never gotten the idea to send him out. To do stuff that sometimes still haunts him.
Damian doesn’t look less worried, but the crease on his forehead disappears.
“I’ll talk with Bruce. He shouldn’t be sending you out either. If it’s really needed, I’ll do it“. Tim nearly lets go of his cup. His breathing hitches.
“Absolutely not.“, Tim says. His brother is so carefree, so inherently good, he shouldn’t be doing stuff like this. It was a position Tim had crafted for himself. He would deal.
“Dick, with all my love, you are a terrible actor, and beside, you really don’t want to do this. I have practice, I’m fine“
He’s fine, right? Dick looks at him sadly. “If I can’t do it, you sure as hell shouldn’t be doing it. Don’t you see that this is so majorly fucked? We’ll manage without intel“
This conversation is going nowhere, Tim knows it. He will go out again like he’s done countless times in the past and he will keep it a secret from his brothers, even when their worry warmed his heart.
Tim yawns. In a surprising move no one, possibly least of all Jason himself, expected he gets pulled into a hug. Jason is tall and warm and his sweater is incredibly soft. Tim practically melts into it. He can still feel the lingering residue of sticky fingers but here, in this moment, he can pretend his brother will keep it all at bay.