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Chapter Text

In the Woods Somewhere

Chapter 1

Fucking Jaeger.

My teeth ground together with the force of my sheer anger. That loud mouthed, suicidal brat needed to learn his damn place. Blood boiling, my fingers twitched at my sides, itching to wrap themselves around the crazy bastards throat for a few minutes... or ten.

'Keep it cool Jean,' I warned myself, 'just deep breaths-- in and out.'

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, and inhaled -- counting slowly to ten before releasing the pent up anger on a shaky exhale.

Even hours later, with me sprawled out across my thin mattress, Eren's snappy comment still stung. My trembling hands came up to press against my eyes - which felt sore, and scratchy from all the pent up tears of frustration. Fuck... I can't believe how much of a baby I am. Wanting to cry over something that loser said to me. Still... telling me to stop checking out Mikasa because he was sure she wasn't into cross species relationships had been kind of a low blow. Eren was so overprotective of his little cronies and vice versa -- he didn't even realize I wasn't looking at Mikasa.

I had been looking around the mess hall, in search of my only friend in this shit hole. I remember thinking, 'Where the hell is Marco?' before my attention was stolen by Jaeger.

"What the fuck do you mean 'cross species relationships?'" I barked, scowling down at the shorter boy - who had the cockiest smirk nestled on his bratty mouth. Jack ass.

Eren's indescribable blue eyes slitted into a fierce glare; chin upturned as he leveled a challenging look at me.

"I mean, I'm pretty sure Mikasa isn't into horses-- horse face. So stop raking those lewd eyes over her body, and stick to your own species." At this point, Eren had stepped up toe to toe with me and practically snarled those last words.

God I wanted to fucking kill him.

"Shut the hell up Jaeger! I swear if you compare me to a fucking horse one more time, I'm gonna pound your ass into the ground."

 "I'd like to see you try, you spineless --" we were almost at the point of physical violence, either of our fingers clenched like a vicious lifeline on the others shirt fronts, when a large hand clapped itself on one of my shoulders and yanked me away from Eren.

On the other end, Mikasa had materialized out of fucking nowhere like usual, to flank his right side; Armin quickly sidling up on the left.

"That's enough," Reiner boomed from behind me, "both of you." His expression must have been pretty scary to actually make Jaeger visibly flinch.

"Tch," the jackass scoffed, "whatever." And like that The Three Musketeers slouched off to mutually lick each others wounds.

Trembling with barely contained rage, I shoved my way past Reiner and plowed through the line of Cadets still waiting to get their nightly ration of chewy bread and tacky gruel. I wasn't hungry anymore, my appetite not strong enough to outweigh the angry churning in my stomach. Instead, I opted to stomp towards the barracks, and turn in early for the night.

Which leads up to where I am now -- long after nightfall and wide awake with all these stupid feelings roiling around inside me.

Yeah, Eren's insults had been petty and as creative as a five year olds. But I was just so... tired of being picked on and ostracized. Which was stupid, because that was the way it had been my whole goddamn life.

Ever since I could remember, it was always me -- one single, solitary point removed from the myriad of interconnected constellations. Like the moon surrounded by all the stars, that mapped pretty patterns across the sky.

I scoffed at myself, the flowery words a stupid attempt to sum up how I felt.

However, my traitorous mind continued, there was one star that shone brighter than all the rest. A bright, fiery star that glowed from the inside out.

 The Sun. Dear fucking god was Marco the Sun...

His smile lit up his entire face and the whole damn room along with it. His laughter made life burst into color. Whenever he would lightly touch my hand to get my attention or brush up against me, I would marvel at how warm he was.

Yep. Marco Bodt was the Sun and I was the moon. Two separate entities irrevocably lumped together.

Speaking of Marco...

 I swung my head down off the side of my bunk to see if I could pester my friend into bitching about Jaeger with me. To my surprise his cot lay empty - his bed sheets twisted into a weird spiral and pushed off to the side.

Maybe he had to take a piss or something? I wondered.

I sat up, and swung my legs over my bunk and thumped down to the ground as quietly as I possibly could. On light feet, I inched my way toward the barren mattress, feeling my way through the dark. I stooped down once my knees knocked into the wooden bed frame, and I felt the empty space for clues.

Hm, the sheets were stone cold... How long has Marco been gone? And then with a pinched frown I wondered, did he ever come back? I was so wrapped up in myself and Jaeger's jackassery I had failed to notice the presence, or lack thereof, of my best friend.

 Nice going Kirschtein... 

Heaving a sigh, barely audible as not to wake any of my lighter sleeping comrades, my gaze was pulled toward the door. Marco knew we were not allowed to leave after lights out, and being the goody two shoes that he was, I was surprised that he was out on some late night prowl.

Maybe he really was only taking a piss...

But the twisted sheets that held no presence of Marco's body heat told otherwise. Wherever he was, he was there for quite a long time.

I shook my head, already knowing that I was going to go looking for my best friend -- even at the risk of getting caught. The things I would do for Marco Bodt...

 Yanking on my clunky leather boots, I tiptoed my way toward the door and slipped through it like a silent Wraith. Inhaling the sharp, clean night air I set out in search of Marco; wondering where the hell he could be.

---

So, uh... In case anyone was wondering, I found Marco Bodt.

It was a harrowing journey I might add, with the end result making me wonder if it was all worth it.

 The silver sickle moon that was fixed against the dark sky barely illuminated my way. Thankfully it was mid March, so the night time chill was only a passing, misty tendril. If it had been any colder, I might have muttered 'screw it' and slunk back inside to the warmth and safety of my bunk -- Marco be damned.

 But the air was tepid and silently inviting, so I shrugged and stepped down off the raised deck surrounding the barrack. The soles of my boots crunched along the dry, packed ground - even though I was trying to make as little sound as possible on my way to the communal bath house.

If Marco was there I was totally going to scare him shitless. It would serve him right, I smirked, seeing as how he got me into this rule breaking predicament. I tried not to snicker too loudly, already envisioning and relishing the look of terror on that open, befreckled face of his.

 So that was why instead of barging into the bath house like I normally would, I was creeping quietly - the muffled thump thump of my footsteps a hushed staccato.

 As I approached the slightly ajar door, my fingers just outstretched toward the brass handle, I heard a noise and froze.

"Ah, Rein-ahhhhhh~" A soft, but deep voice crooned. There was heavy panting, and wet shlicking noises coming from the other side of the door. My eyes widened in horor.

"Shhh, Bertl-- we don't want the whole damn squadron catching us like this. Though it does sound kind of hot..."

Reiner's unmistakable baritone was cut off by a sharp grunt. "You didn't have to elbow me in the stomach," but that was all I could bare. With a racing heart, I tore away from that bath house like there was a fucking Titan in there, and it was inclined to experience the succulent appetizer of Jean a la mode.

Yeah, there was no way in hell Marco would be in there if those two giants were fucking like animals in heat...

To this day, I still have no idea what possessed me to run into the woods in search of Marco.

But some where in the woods, he was.

Chapter Text

In the Woods Somewhere

 Chapter 2

Twigs snapped and crackled under my pounding feet as I tore through the eerie forest at night. Silvery, thin rays floated down from between branches and leaves like the gossamer thread of a spider's web. I could hear my heart thudding in my ears -- still filled with the uncomfortable horror of what I almost walked into.

 Reiner and Bertholdt fucking like big, sweaty bears no doubt.

I shuddered at the thought, knowing full well it was going to be a very long time before I could look either of them in the face without flushing. Marco better apologize his ass off when I find him, I grouched to myself.

My eyes cast about wildly in search of him, though I could barely see three feet in front of my fucking nose. I slowly eased back down into a languid jog, not wanting to trip and fall on my ass because I was too stupid to take in my surroundings.

 Marco's name was just on the tip of my tongue, ready to be shouted out into the night - when I heard a voice. A very familiar, soothing voice. And it was moaning out a string of garbled words that I couldn't quite catch.

 Oh shit, did something happen to him? Is he alright, is he in pain?

 I practically scrambled through the dense underbrush, and abruptly stopped short for the second time that night. In slow motion it seemed the gravity of the scene I stumbled across became readily apparent. A hot flush crawled up my neck and to my cheeks, my mouth going dry.

Not more than ten feet away was Marco Bodt, leaning against a tree with his pants around his ankles. His dark hair was hopelessly disheveled, his freckles all bunched together as his face screwed up in what looked to be total ecstasy.

Marco's shirt was discarded, and even from this distance I could see the thin sheen of sweat that coated his chest and abs as it glimmered in the moonlight. He was making pitiful little whimpers in the back of his throat while he practically fucked into his curling fingers.

I swallowed at the sight, completely mesmerized by the cum smeared all over his hand and the way his cock bobbed through his nimble fingers. His stomach muscles fluttered and he keened appreciatively from his own ministrations.

"--an," he sighed in a broken whisper that I barely heard, and he thrust more gently into his sticky palm.

Holy fuck, was he fantasizing about Annie or something? I mean, I knew the two were sort of friends but... was that Ice Queen really sweet, adorable little Marco's type? And why... why the hell did that make me feel kind of angry?

I wasn't even going to question myself right now on why my own cock was throbbing in my pants.

"Jean!" Marco groaned, his other hand smoothing up his toned abdomen to pinch harshly at one of his nipples. His hips snapped faster, and at a more frenzied tempo. Oh fuck...Marco is about to fucking come and he's thinking about me!?!

It all went by so fast. With another wrecked declaration of my name, Marco came all over his trembling fingers and taught stomach. High pitched, desperate whines accompanied his heavy breathing-- and holy shit that must have been an earth shattering orgasm!

Marco slowly slumped back against the trunk of the tree and slid down to the forest floor. He was shaking, but it took a few moments for me to realize he had started to cry. He curled his legs up into his chest like a scared little child, and Marco Bodt sobbed his fucking heart out.

I wanted to approach him; gather him up into my arms and tell him not to cry like a little baby. But I was, and always will be, a fucking coward.

My dick was still pressed painfully close to my pants zipper, and my best friend had orgasmed to thoughts of me. There was a lot I needed to deal with right now... because I wasn't gay. But hell did I want to get down on my knees and suck Marco's cock. And that thought terrified me.

---

I slipped silently back inside the barracks and clambered up onto my bunk on wobbly legs. In the silence I could hear my pulse thundering through my veins, and Connie's light, snuffling little snores. Laid out stiffly on my lumpy bed, I screwed my eyes shut and tried very hard not to focus on the throbbing ache between my thighs. I can't touch a hard on caused by Marco... I can't touch a hard on caused by--

The soft squeak of the door hinges was more like a thunderclap that jostled my already shaken nerves. Hesitant footsteps approached the bunk below mine, and I held my breath waiting for the telltale dip of the mattress that always lightly shook the bed frame. After a scant few moments, the muffled creak of mattress springs reached my ears; Marco settling in for the night.

 I didn't realize how long I had been holding my breath until my lungs practically screamed for air-- and I sucked in a desperate lung full of oxygen.

 The rustling beneath me stilled along with my hammering heart. "Jean... are you still awake?" Marco's hushed voice was barely audible.

I swallowed heavily, but didn't reply. I was too worked up, too scared by the onslaught of emotions and self evaluation I knew I was going to have to deal with. Damn it... I was practically shaking out of fear of the unknown.

 There was a long, pregnant pause before I felt the movement of Marco rolling over beneath me. Quieter still Marco murmured, "Well... good night."

My fingers unclenched from the tangle of my bed sheet as I stared sightlessly up at the shadowed ceiling. The hardness of my cock gradually flagged, and I fell into a restless sleep.

 ---

 The watery prickle of early dawn sunlight made my eyeballs ache. They were dry and bloodshot from my lack of sleep, and stung something fierce as I sluggishly strapped on my ODM gear belts.

 Overall there was a resounding chorus of muffled groans and sleepy protestations so early in the morning. In the bunk across the room I could hear Connie moaning for, "Just five more minutes ma," obviously still half asleep.

I kept my gaze pointedly away from Marco's disrobing figure this morning; the memories from last night making me blush up to my ears in shame. Normally we all got naked around each other with an air of nonchalance-- but now there was no going back when I knew what my name sounded like, cried out by my best friend as he orgasmed all over his hand. Not to mention the fact that watching said act had turned me on considerably...

I chanced a peek at Marco, who had his pants halfway pulled up his strong thighs, and I tried not to choke on the confused whimper that bubbled in my throat. Shit... It was too early in the morning to be popping awkward boners. Why did he have to possess such a nicely shaped ass on top of everything else?

No Jean, I chided myself sternly, these are bad thoughts! Bad thoughts -- you're not gay you're not... ah hell!

Marco had just pulled off his sleep shirt; his trim waist twisting and displaying his chiseled physique with relative ease. I didn't realize he had stopped moving until he inquired, "Hey, are you ok Jean? You look flushed and you're staring off into space - it's not like you."

 My eyes snapped up to meet his and I gulped. Marco's eyes are so warm and big, and he's looking at me with such tender concern...

"I-I'm fine," my voice cracked, and I turned my back to him. I could still feel the heat of his gaze boring into me. Quickly pulling on my boots, and giving myself one last cursory check, I hurried out the door and toward the mess hall.

 I felt Marco's eyes on me all the way there, even though I had left him far behind.

Chapter Text

In the Woods Somewhere

Chapter 3

Days drifted by in an awkward, confusing haze for me and as always, training left me sore and irritable. Currently I was slumped against my upturned palm; elbow dug uncomfortably into the rough, splintered wood of a Mess Hall table. The spoon in my other hand poked at my thin soup listlessly, as I half paid attention to Connie prattling on to Sasha about the ODM training we underwent today.

A guilty weight settled in my churning guts when I picked out Marco's bright, sunny laughter over the din of conversations filling up the Mess Hall. Ever since that night I had been avoiding Marco like he was some form of freckled plague.

I didn't like the feelings of remorse and sadness that accompanied the guilt. However, they didn't outweigh the confusion and awkward emotions that had surfaced ever since my discovery in the woods. The fact that Marco Bodt desired me on some level was a lot to take in...

Even more unsettling still, was the dawning realization of possible mutual desires. My nights were now occupied with torrid, sensual dreams filled with low groans, slick skin, and moist breath fanning across my neck. These dreams weren't like the normal one's-- half imagined couplings with Mikasa moaning wantonly against me-- these dreams were made all the more vivid and real; fueled by the images that had been seared into my memory.

Every morning I would wake up painfully hard and frustrated because I refused to do anything about it.

A sharp poke to my ribs with what felt like a spoon snapped me out of my thoughts. "You feelin' okay Jean? I've been trying to get your attention for the last couple minutes, but you seemed to be lost in la la land."

"Y-yeah I'm fine," I croaked in response to Connie's question. I needed to seriously pull my shit together before anyone started getting suspicious. My stomach roiled at the thought, and I slid my barely touched food toward Sasha. "Have at it," I sighed, pushing myself away from the table.

Her brown eyes lit up and she stared at me almost reverently. "You are a god, Jean Kirschtein." The amount of breathless devotion in Sasha's voice verged on terrifying...

Brushing her gratitude aside bluntly, I left the Mess Hall-- obstinately ignoring the hurt look in Marco's eyes as I passed him by without a word.

---

A silver, disc shaped moon illuminated the forest floor. It was the only light to see by, but I didn't mind it so much. In that moment it was hard to mind much else aside from the warm lips wrapped around my throbbing need. Wet heat radiated through my cock and up my spine; my toes curling tight at the feeling. I never knew a blow job could feel so damn good...

My fingers were trembling uncontrollably, before they found an anchor deep within thick, soft hair. The strands gleamed the color of the darkest midnight I had ever seen, threaded with silver stars and moonlight. With a gentle carress, my hand fell down and idly toyed with the fuzzy, short hairs of Marco's undercut.

A jolt of pleasure sang through my veins as my hooded gaze tipped down; catching onto Marco's brown, lust blown eyes. His lips were stretched wide around my cock, one of his freckled cheeks rested against my quivering thigh. "Fuck," I hissed at the sight and tipped my head back a bit as he took me even deeper, "Marco..."

He hummed at that, drool dribbling down his chin while he continued to hold my gaze. The sight was almost too much-- So hot and filthy. I was so close, I...

I startled awake, drenched in sweat and something else undeniably stickier. With a muffled groan, I shifted just enough to swing my legs over the side of the bed.

My trip to the bath house was a decidedly uncomfortable one-- images of that dream haunting me well into the morning.

---

Out of all the people encased in these three walls, Armin Arlert was not the one I would have expected to corner me, and eventually call me out on my bullshit.

It was nigh on a week since I last let myself be around Marco; still struggling tirelessly with this new sexual identity crisis, made all the more confusing because any and all carnal desires were now directed solely at that freckled sunspot.

And no, sunspot was definitely not an endearment I wanted to croon against his cute, button nose... not at all.

"So, what's the deal with you and Marco? I've never seen you two apart for this long ever since he decided to befriend you- regardless of how rude you can be." Armin's tone was light, conversational and over all unrepentant for shooting my ego down a peg. The blond spent way to much time around Jaeger-- proving that jackassery can be contagious.

"There's nothing wrong, and even if there was, why the hell would I tell you Arlert?" I snapped, putting more venom into my words than was probably necassary. Armin just raised a bushy, blond eyebrow at me that disappeared into the shaggy fringe of his bangs.   

"I don't know," he almost drawled in response, "I just get the impression some thing is up when I catch friends crying violently in storage closets-- and then having said friend beg me not to let a certain other friend know about it." Armin's powder blue eyes were devoid of their usual natural warmth; and for the first time since I met the small, gangly kid I was utterly terrified of him. "So I'll ask you this just one more time-- what is going on between Marco and you?"

I swallowed back my rising anger and let it be replaced with the cold, encroaching fingers of dread that clenched around my heart. Fuck... all this time I was only thinking of myself and my emotions. While Marco had taken to crying all by himself inside storage closets...

The knowledge devastated me, and had me utterly defeated.

"If I... if I tell you what's going on, will you promise not to tell anyone?" I eventually managed, only sounding a little pathetic.

Armin gave me a cutting, exasperated look before he replied, "I wouldn't be here offering to help you two out secretly if I wanted the whole squadron to know. And just because I hang out with Eren, doesn't mean I'm at all like him-- So don't you dare say you expect something like that out of me due to association."

In that moment, I was almost positive Armin Arlert could read minds... because that was exactly what I had been ready to retort.

"A-alright," I finally relented rather shakily. I looked around us furtively, catching a smattering of voices coming our way. "But not here, let's go find some place more private."

Armin only nodded his assent, and trailed behind me in silence.

---

"So let me get this straight," Armin halted my frantic rambling with a flippant wave of his hand and firm tone, "it took you catching Marco in the woods, pleasuring himself to obvious fantasies about you, for you to realize his feelings?" Armin shook his head, and looked half way ready to roll his eyes at me.

"Uh... yeah?" I trailed off, utterly confused as to where this new conversation was going.

Armin sighed deeply, and shot me a look that obviously said he felt sorry for me. His gaze grew pensive, however, and he lifted his fingers up to his mouth in a gesture I had picked up on as his 'thinking pose'.

"I guess it makes sense," he mumbled into his hand. Armin seemed lost in thought, my presence probably forgotten . It was kind of irritating.

Smacking my hand against the wall beside his head, I crowded Armin in-- hoping my glare was intimidating enough to catch his attention. "What makes sense?" I growled, leaning in closer.

Armin jumped, pulled away from his thoughts, and his eyes widened in surprise at my actions. His gaze faltered, and he looked around the abandoned Mess Hall uneasily. "Well, I mean... maybe it's not my place--" Armin tittered, suddenly the meek and shy boy I was so used to.

"Please, enlighten me." I drawled, my other hand slamming on the other side of Armin-- effectively caging him in.

He looked up at me, a defiant light blazing in his pale blue eyes; lips pressed into a firm line. "Intimidation will get you no where with me, Jean. I've been facing down bullies my entire life and I never back down-- in that respect, you could say I'm a lot like Eren."

I had to admit, Armin Arlert had guts.

Shoulders slumping fractionally, I leaned back a bit- but not entirely. I still wanted answers; I wasn't about to let the crafty blond escape me now. "Please Armin," I pleaded, "I'm lost here... I don't know what to do! Marco-- he means so much to me. I can't lose him."

Gradually, my head fell down onto one of Armin's frail shoulders. "Please... tell me what I should do?" I hated the way my voice cracked, and I grit my teeth at how pathetic I really was.

A tentative hand rested on my shoulder blades. "I think you already know what you want Jean. You're just too afraid to chase after it." Armin's voice was steady as he spoke. I envied his fortitude just a little.

"But let me tell you this at least: once you face this, confront Marco about your fears and reservations, I know he'll understand. Don't let them rule you though, instead open your heart to every single emotion. Marco deserves to have all of you, if you decide to give it to him."

Tears were stinging my eyes, but I still lifted my head to look Armin straight on. He was smiling tenderly, not an ounce of repulsion could be found in his expression. It didn't bother him at all, that two of his comrades could potentially be gay for one another.

"Why do you care so much about how we feel anyway?" I had to ask.

Armin chuckled and looked me over fondly. "Because, I don't want to walk in on Marco crying anymore. And I think you two would be good for eachother."

Sniffling a bit, I nodded my head; accepting what Armin had to say. It was time I pulled my shit together and laid my heart bare for Marco to see.

I crushed Armin's small frame against me in a sudden bear hug and mumbled my thanks against the crown of his blond head.

"No need to thank me, I--" Armin was cut off by a choked sob from somewhere behind us; and his face drained of what little color it had.

A hauntingly familiar voice began to stammer, "O-oh... jeez, I'm s-s-so sorry! I didn't mean to interrupt. I'll give you t-two some privacy."

"No Marco it's not--" but Armin's assurances came too late, as I whipped my head around to see tear tracks on Marco's freckled cheeks briefly; before he was running out the door.

I stood frozen in place. My whole world felt like it was imploding around me and I was powerless to stop it.

"You better go after him," Armin finally said-- and it wasn't a suggestion, it was a command.

Nodding absently, I thanked Armin once more, before I took off after Marco. It was high time I set things right between us.

Chapter Text

In the Woods Somewhere

 Chapter Four

A surge of deja vu struck me as I ran haphazardously across the abandoned training field, and into the woods. I had glimpsed a quick image of a tall silhouette melting into the trees, knowing without a doubt that it was Marco.

The quiet, eerie forest had started all of this, and now it was going to finish it.

Thrusting aside willowy branches that snapped back in agitation, and slipping across the pine needles that carpeted the forest floor; I continued to follow Marco's retreating footsteps. A Thousand thoughts and feelings raced through my mind as I ran after him. But none of them could outshine the mantra of tell him tell him that echoed with every beat of my heart.

Marco needed to know how deeply I cherished him-- not only as a friend, but maybe as something more.

There was a resounding crash and thud, followed by the symphony of dozens of twigs snapping. My heart rate accelerated as I tore after the sound through the murky beginnings of twilight.

When I made the clearing, the same one incidentally from that night, I stopped; my breath ragged and sharp in my lungs. Marco was pulling himself up on shaking legs, and I started at the sight of a thin trickle of blood edging down his chin from a cut on one of his cheeks.

"Shit, Marco are you okay?" I sounded hysterically panicked even to my own ears and cringed. He twisted away from me, shoulders hunching forward like a defensive shield.

"I'm fine," Marco mumbled, but he sounded anything but. His voice trembled, and I could still hear the congested quality of barely contained tears in his tone.

Stepping forward, I started to ramble, "Seriously man, if you're hurt just say so--"

"I said I'm fine!" Marco shouted, actually shouted at me; curling in on himself even more, like one of those ball insects I used to poke at for hours with a stick when I was a kid. "Please," he sounded like he was breaking as he pleaded, "please just go away Jean."

I grit my teeth, biting back my sudden anger. This had to be handled delicately, I reminded myself, and tried to expel some of my frustration with a sigh. "Fat chance Marco," I declared, surprisingly able to keep my tone lightly snappish at best.

He suddenly whirled around, taking me by surprise when I saw the desperate fury burning in his brown eyes. "Why are you doing this to me Jean? Is it fun toying around with my head, is that it? Well I've had it..." Marco's indignant voice quavered with fresh tears, "... I can't take it anymore."

"Marco," I uttered his name like the holy prayer it was, and finally managed to make myself move toward him. He backed away a few steps, a kind of mistrust in his expression that broke my fucking heart.

Marco shook his head emphatically, and grimaced. "Jean... I don't understand you anymore. All of a sudden you want nothing to do with me and now-- now you won't leave me alone when I ask you to! What's going on? Did I upset you somehow, is it something I said?"

The frantic, uncertain way Marco implored me was heartbreaking to say the least. He looked so lost and hurt, I couldn't really bring myself to blame him. If I were in Marco's shoes, getting emotionally whiplashed like this, I'd be fucking pissed.

"I saw you," I finally began, my cryptic start making Marco's brows draw together in confusion. "That night in the woods, about a week ago. I saw you."

The weight of my statement slowly sunk in, but when it finally dawned on Marco what I meant, his big doe eyes blew wide; a slight tremor racking his frame. "You mean... oh no," he spoke barely above a whisper, his face going pale as a sheet.

I simply nodded my head, feeling my face warm at the memories that plagued me for nigh on a week.

"Jean... oh Jean, I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to find out! Please forgive me-- no wonder you were avoiding me, I'd avoid me too if--"

"Marco!" I almost had to shout to get him to stop jabbering on nonsensically. "Marco," I tried again softly, daring to take a hesitant step closer to him. "It's fine, really it is," I had to add when he shot me a wary, skeptical look.

"Then why were you avoiding me if it's 'fine'?" He shot back at me, eyes narrowing suspiciously as he challenged my statement.

With a heavy sigh I shrugged, not able to meet his eye. This was steadily spiraling into the realms of 'almost as awkward as my first sex talk'...

"Because I..." I trailed off, my face feeling like it had caught on fire. I almost wished a Titan would burst through the trees and swallow me whole.

"Because you what Jean?" Marco asked, and I could hear the edge of trepidation in his voice.

Swallowing thickly, I clenched my eyes shut in preparation to spill my guts out for Marco to sordidly pick through. "Because finding you in the woods, jacking off to fantasies about me of all people, has got me all fucking confused and horny and I keep having the filthiest dreams about you. Shit, I'm not gay Marco but I... fuck I want to be with you in that way, and the thought terrifies me and--"

Marco's sudden laughter cut me off from a spiraling shit storm of verbal diarrhea. "What the hell's so funny?" I snapped, huffing indignantly, "I was pouring out my fucking bleeding heart for you, you ass."

"Sorry sorry," Marco exclaimed, his broad shoulders shaking with the force of his amused giggles. "It's just, you were going through a gay crisis, when originally I thought you were avoiding me because you found out that I stumbled across all your little drawings of Mikasa."

My gaze whipped to his face faster than a lightning strike and I growled out, "Why the hell were you going through my things?!" Shit, I thought bitterly, those were a very private secret and now Marco was going to tease the hell out of me about it...

Marco raised his hands defensively, and I could have been mistaken because it was getting harder to see in the encroaching darkness, but I could swear he was blushing. "It was an accident okay? I knocked over your pack and a sketchbook fell out, a few of the pages scattered across the floor. Some of the drawings were of Mikasa, and I thought they were really good, so I made sure to put them away safely so the others wouldn't accidentally ruin them."

It was my turn to blush as I stammered out, "O-oh... you um, you thought they were good?" The shy, hopeful quality of my voice made me want to roll my eyes at what a loser I truly was deep down.

With a budding smile Marco replied, "Yeah. I thought they were lovely Jean- you continously surprise me with hidden talents."

We were standing pretty close to one another now, both of us awkward and shy. "About what you said," Marco mumbled, his doe eyes eagerly trained on my own, "do you really... have feelings for me Jean?"

My mouth felt really dry, embarrassment deepening the seemingly permanent blush on my face. I had to be completely honest, there was no way in hell I could crush the sweet, swelling hope in Marco's warm, brown eyes. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I do Marco. I mean... I've had crushes on other people, but somehow I know none of them have ever felt quite like this. You mean a lot to me."

Wetness rimmed Marco's eyes and I would have panicked if not for the gigantic, goofy smile that split across his face. "Jean," he whispered my name with such tender fondness that my heart swelled three sizes bigger, and ached with a sweet ardor I had never before experienced.

"Marco," I answered, an echo of his adoration in my own voice as I grinned like the loves truck idiot I was. Our fingers intertwined in the shadowy forest, palms pressed together, warm and thrumming with our racing heartbeats.

The sun was almost fully set by now; only a fading remnant of golden light weakly trickling through the sparse pines. "We should get to the barracks before Shardis finds out we're missing and rips us new assholes."

Marco hummed his agreement, and scrubbed self-consciously at the tear stains on his cheeks with his jacket sleeve. He sniffled a bit when he was done, and shot me a dopey grin that made me so immensely proud to call this absolute dork mine.

"C'mon," I grumbled shyly, as I tugged the boy I knew I would grow to love one day out of the woods. Marco followed without hesitation, his implicit trust in me making me feel all fuzzy and warm.

There was still a lot to sort out between us, things we needed to find out, stuff we had to talk about. For now, however, I could sense we were both content to savor this awkward, budding some thing that held infinite potential.

With our fingers weaved together and swinging idly between us as we walked, we made our way through the forest and back toward the barracks we had somehow made into a home.

The years to come didn't seem so bleak anymore, when I could look at Marco and see the overwhelming affection in his eyes.

One day I would have the chance to map out every constellation his freckles painted across his skin-- and one day, maybe I'd have the opportunity and courage to tell him, that with every thrum of my heart, I loved him.

Not today, I told myself as we climbed into our respective bunks with soft, sweet parting murmurs. Maybe not even tomorrow or a year from now but...

One day.

And until then, I was content with what we had.