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Mulder stuck his head out the door of apartment 42 and looked in both directions before pulling the door wider open for Diana to exit. If she noticed that he did his best to actively avoid having her over to his place, or his odd behavior whenever she did finagle her way into his home, she didn’t let on. He was terrified that his partner would discover that he’d been consorting with who she considered to be the enemy. His own feelings on that particular matter were still up in the air, but his brain wasn’t always the part of his body most actively on alert when Diana would turn on the charm, and the more often these dalliances occurred, the harder (so to speak) it was for him to reconcile the facts in his mind.
“Thanks for the hospitality, Fox,” Diana whispered, nipping his earlobe as she snuck out past him and made her way to the elevator. If she was another woman, Mulder might have said she purred, but with Diana it would have been more of a growl. She’d been the one to seduce him in the beginning, all those years ago, and he’d always felt like he was just along for the ride. And what a ride it was. If he thought about it too hard, he might consider the fact that while their times together were wild, they weren’t all that genuine; she seemed to be trying too hard to be like the women in all of those videos in the drawer that weren’t his. And, if he was really honest with himself, he would acknowledge the fact that the bedroom wasn’t the only place she was a good actress; he wasn’t sure if he ever knew who the real Diana was. She always seemed to be working an angle.
He had decided to walk to work that day and as he made the trek, he was almost glad that he and Scully weren’t sharing the basement office at the moment. If he was stuck in such close quarters with her all day, it would be harder to continue to hide this secret from her. As it was, he had a feeling she already suspected he wasn’t being completely forthcoming about something. Every once in a while, she’d turn from her desk in the bullpen to study him, a question poised on her lips that she never brought herself to ask. She’d stare at him with her head cocked to the side, and her full lips parted as if she was ready to, but the words never left her mouth. When he couldn’t stand her scrutiny any longer, he’d ask what she needed, and she would shrug before turning back around to her computer to look at the next name on the list to call for a background check.
Things hadn’t been quite the same for them since they’d returned from Antarctica. At first, their resolve was bolstered, but then Mulder felt betrayed when she didn’t acknowledge what had happened in her official report, and her trust had diminished when she perceived that he had chosen Diana over her while searching for Gibson Praise. Having Diana and Spender in the basement was the elephant in the room that they both tried to ignore but continued to take up more and more space between them. Yet, it was Scully who had defied her superiors and traveled to Florida to search for him when he’d decided to go on his own looking for the Queen Mary, and it was Scully who he told he loved when he was in the hospital shortly after. Scully had rolled her eyes and assumed that it was the drugs talking, but Mulder was under no delusions regarding who he loved. Diana was merely a way to pass the time, and a way to make it easier to get through the days when he was disallowed from the basement.
When lunchtime came around, instead of eating at their desks together as had been their custom for years, instead she ate her 6 oz cup of plain yogurt with bee pollen mixed in before sneaking out to meet the running group she had recently joined at lunchtime not far from the Hoover building. She had found herself growing restless being chained to a desk for her workday. She’d gotten so used to being out in the field and being active, so while the midday runs were short, and left her having to fix her hair and makeup before sitting back at her desk after lunch, it at least helped to break up the monotony of the day. She enjoyed being with the group as well. She didn’t necessarily commune with any of them as they ran, but it sure felt nice to be with a group of people running in the same direction. It was the only hour of the day where she had that sensation, as opposed to the other 23 where she felt like she and Mulder were also running, but away from each other, instead.
That particular day, she’d hit her stride early and felt strong throughout her whole run. She was feeling good as she ran past the beautiful church that contained the painting she’d grown to love, called My Divine Heart, after the miracle of Saint Margaret Mary. From time to time after work she would head back in this direction to go inside the building and admire the painting as well as the architecture of the grand building. The endorphins of the exercise left a hint of a smile on her face as she entered the elevator in the J. Edgar Hoover Building, ready to make her way to the locker room to change and settle in for another afternoon of background checks. After two floors, the elevator stopped for someone else to enter, and Scully’s good feelings immediately dissolved as Diana Fowley was revealed on the other side of the doors. For the briefest flash of a second, surprise registered on Diana’s face, but was then replaced by a predatory grin.
“Agent Scully,” she nodded tersely in greeting.
Scully nodded. “Agent Fowley,” she replied with a sigh.
Immediately Scully regretted that she was in her running garb; a pair of back sweatpants and an oversized University of Maryland sweatshirt. She was sweaty and disheveled after her run, and being in her tennis shoes caused her to feel even shorter than she typically did. Diana seemed to tower over her, and if Scully turned toward her, her face would be level with Diana’s chest. So, instead, she continued to just stare straight ahead. They were silent for the next two floors, when Diana suddenly broke the tension.
“Oh!” she exclaimed, reaching into her pocket. She pulled out a pearl earring that Scully immediately recognized. “I found this under the couch last night. Fox said it must have fallen off the last time you were over and working on a case. I just didn’t want it to get mixed in with any of my jewelry, so I figured I should get it back to you.”
Scully’s face immediately drained of all color and her throat went dry as she understood the implication of Diana’s words. She held her hand out for Diana to drop the errant earring into. “Thanks,” she eeked out, as the doors opened, and Diana exited. Tears immediately stung at her eyes, and she smashed the “doors closed” button. She made her way to the locker room where instead of changing and addressing her hair and makeup, she just threw everything into her bag and headed back to the elevator to make her way to the parking structure. She pulled out her cell phone to call Kersh’s secretary and let her know that she was suddenly not feeling well and would be taking an afternoon of PTO. She drove to the church that she had passed earlier in her run, took advantage of her government exempt parking sticker, and parked immediately in front. On any other day, she wouldn’t even dream of walking into the church, or any other public place, in her sweats, but her outfit was the least of her concerns at that moment.
She made her way down the aisle and chose a pew next to My Divine Heart and slumped down. She finally let the tears fall. She leaned forward to place her elbows on her knees and put her face in her hands. The idea of Mulder and Diana together was upsetting, but what really made her feel ill was the fact that he had been hiding it from her. How long had it been going on? How many nights had he lied and told her he was going to hang out with the Gunmen, when in reality he was going to be with her? Diana had said, “I found this under the couch” not “under Fox’s couch,” which seemed an intimate way to refer to the situation. Did this mean that she was living with him? Since their new assignment under Kersh, Scully and Mulder hadn’t been spending time together outside of work like they had been, which she had to admit was partly due to the fact that she was still hurt with the stance he had taken when not believing Scully’s intuition about Diana. Had she driven him into this?
The rest of the afternoon passed, and Scully remained in that same spot in the pew. There were no windows in the church, but she sensed that night had fallen outside, as more people made their way in to light candles and visit the confessional; rush hour at the church. She didn’t acknowledge any of them as she continued to sit in silence and stew over her situation. At some point, she sensed more than heard him approaching, and then his large figure was sitting next to her in the pew, shoulder to shoulder. She didn’t have to turn her head to know it was Mulder.
“Scully, what’s going on? I’ve been trying to call you all afternoon. Kersh’s assistant said you weren’t feeling well, but I got worried when you didn’t answer your phone.” She finally turned her face up to him and he saw that she had been crying. The concern grew more evident on his face, and his voice was anxious as he continued, “What happened? Oh God, Scully, are you really sick again?”
The horror on his face as he realized that her being sick enough to take time off work, along with her appearance and the fact that she’d been crying, made her soften towards him some.
“No, Mulder. I’m fine,” she replied flatly, her voice nasal from crying. He waited for her to continue, but when she didn’t, he nudged her softly with his shoulder.
“Don’t make me guess,” he said in a teasing tone, meant to lighten the mood.
She reached into her sweatpants pocket and pulled out the earring. She held it up for him to see.
“This was returned to me by Diana Fowley on the elevator after my run today. She said she found it under the couch in your apartment last night and didn’t want it to get mixed up with any of her things,” she replied, adopting his monotone.
She saw the full gamut of emotions cross his face as he looked at the earring dangling from her fingers. He reached out and took it, even though she wasn’t really holding it up in offering, just as something to do to fill the space. “I, uh…”
After he didn’t continue, she had a sudden realization. “How did you know where I was?” she asked, suspiciously.
Now he wore another guilty expression on his face. “I got worried when you weren’t answering. I swung by your place, and you weren’t there, so I asked the guys to do a search for your license plate on all the area CCTV.”
“Funny that you’re able to invade my privacy so freely and easily, down to knowing exactly where I am at any given moment, but you’re keeping secrets from me. Is that irony? Or just hypocrisy? I can’t decide which is a more fitting descriptor,” she bit back.
He nodded and swallowed, unsure of what to say because he deserved it all.
“Scully, I-“
“No,” she interrupted him. “This is exactly what I was talking about, Mulder. It all comes down to a matter of trust. And right now, I have none.”
She may as well have ripped his heart out and put it on display, just like the painting hanging mere feet from where they sat.
“I’m sorry,” he began. “I didn’t want to keep a secret from you-“
She cut him off again. “Oh, that’s rich, Mulder. That’s really rich. I don’t even know if I can count how many secrets you’ve kept from me. From the beginning, when you were keeping Deep Throat a secret. And then X. And then my fucking ova. And how many others? And that’s not counting all the times you’ve gone off on some hairbrained scheme and left me in the dark. Did you, or did you not, just get back from nearly dying in the Bermuda Triangle, because you couldn’t be bothered to even so much as loop me in on your fucking plan.”
Mulder sucked in a breath. “Wow. What would your catechism teacher say about all this swearing in church?”
“I’m not amused. This isn’t the time to be cute, Mulder. You have no idea how much time I’ve spent over the last 6 years wondering where you were, or what you were doing, or if you were dead in a ditch somewhere, or if I was ever going to see you again, or why the hell you’ve decided to keep some things secret. And then…. then, when I finally start to call you on your shit and when I question Diana’s motives a few months ago you’ve got the nerve to tell me that I’m taking things personal? And you think I’m upset because you think I’m jealous? That’s the one that’s really been eating at me since we got back from Antarctica,” she continued, referencing their previous conversation after the nuclear reactor.
“So, this isn’t about Diana and the earring?”
She let out a humorless laugh. “How can someone so brilliant be so utterly dense, sometimes?” He opened his mouth to speak, but instead just sat there in stunned silence. She sighed. “It’s about Diana and the earring, but it’s not only about Diana and the earring. Are you hearing everything that I’m saying Mulder? It’s about trust. How am I supposed to have a partner that I can’t trust?”
He leaned back against the pew and let out a deep breath. He nodded contemplatively before beginning, “Scully, I didn’t tell you about Diana because I’m a little ashamed of it. I honestly don’t even think I want to be doing it, but…”
He let the sentiment hang in the air, and suddenly, it hit her. “She’s your running group.”
He turned to look at her in utter confusion. “Huh?”
“I joined this running group that I do at lunch as a way to pass the time until we’re back on the X-Files. It’s a way to work out pent up energy, to release endorphins, and make the days seem less mundane. Diana is your running group,” she explained.
He snorted. “Yeah, when you put it like that, I guess that’s exactly what it is.”
Scully scrubbed her face with her hands. The ability to say all the things to him that had been building up for months was a release of it’s own kind. “Listen. I don’t care who you sleep with.” That’s a lie, her brain told her. “I mean, not really. Just… God, Mulder, does it have to be her?”
He studied her face and knew it was the wrong time for a declaration, but figured he’d go for it, anyway. He was becoming a pro at professing his love in all the wrong ways, at all the wrong times.
“Scully, I told you after the Queen Mary. You are the one that I love. I think you know that wasn’t the drugs talking; I think you just weren’t ready to hear it. And I don’t think you’re probably ready to hear it now, but at least it’s out there. At least I’ve said it. Diana is my running group; she’s my way of passing the time. I’m sorry about the stunt that she pulled with you today in the elevator. That was unkind and I know she won’t apologize to you, so I will. And I’m sorry I’ve kept it from you. And I’m sorry for the hundreds of other ways I’ve let you down in the past.”
She completely bypassed the beginning of his declaration and focused on the last line. “Actions speak louder than words, Mulder. I accept your apology, but I won’t believe it until I see some changes in your actions.”
He nodded. “Fair enough." He hadn’t expected her to acknowledge his reiteration of love, but it felt good to get it off his chest again.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I just want it to go back to the way things were. Back when we were in the basement and chasing little green men and monkey babies and fake vampires,” she admitted. “I never thought I’d say that, but I do. So, to be perfectly honest, I don’t like Diana for all of the reasons I’ve already told you, but also because it’s her down there and not me.”
He felt an odd sense of pride at hearing those words. “I know.”
They sat in silence for some time, watching people make their way in and out of the church. He held the earring back out for her, which she accepted and put back in her pocket. He looked up and noticed the painting, and she explained the meaning of it to him.
“That painting is me, Scully,” he said. “My heart is on fire and I’m holding it out to you.”
She sighed. “And I’m telling you that I don’t need that kind of grand gesture. All I need is the truth.”
************************************************************
The following morning, Scully wore her favorite suit and her tallest heels as she hit the elevator button for the basement. She steeled herself as she walked through the familiar corridor of filing boxes, and rapped her knuckles on the open door of the X-Files office. Diana and Spender looked up at her in unison. Having had enough of Scully’s antics and threats during the Queen Mary ordeal, Spender wordlessly picked up the file he was reading and breezed past her in the doorway, leaving the two women alone. Even though it wasn’t her office anymore, Scully still felt she held the home court advantage. She’d spent hundreds of hours down here, so now they were on her turf. Diana seemed surprised to see her.
“Agent Scully. What can I do for you?” she asked crisply.
Scully held out the earring, handing it back to Diana. It was never one of her favorite pairs, and she hadn’t missed it for this long, so she had decided to sacrifice it as a prop. “Mulder was mistaken. This earring doesn’t actually belong to me. It must be from one of the other women,” she lied, straight faced with a lazy shrug. She felt glee as she watched Diana’s face turn red. “I know what you were trying to do with that gesture yesterday, Agent Fowley, and I want you to know that I’m onto you. Somewhere beneath all that cleavage and ambition, I’m sure there’s some redeeming quality in you, but I don’t see it. I only see the deceit and the subterfuge. I won’t be used as a pawn in your game, and I will continue to investigate you until I have the proof I need to get you throw out of not just this office, but the Bureau altogether. And I will continue to do my best to protect Mulder from you, even if that drives a wedge between us. Because that’s what partners do. In the end, you will be long forgotten, and I will still be the one by his side. Next time you see him, ask him to tell you what he told me in the hospital in Florida.”