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Chapter Text

Amanda Rollins waited in the car for her new….well new-ish partner to come back with coffee. She still can’t believe Nick Amaro up and left a month ago. Not that they’d been together together, or anything (that part of their relationship had waned some time ago) but she thought they were at least friends…..He didn’t even really given her a heads up. Apparently he told Liv…..and then within three weeks he was gone. 

Amaro was the type of guy who was always surrounded by a lot of friends. Amanda thought he knew her better….that it wasn’t that easy for her. But either he didn’t understand her as well as she him….or…..he didn’t care. Including him she had exactly…..one person she considered a friend right now. Outside of work she didn’t really have any friends here in New York. Or in Atlanta for that matter. 

People she’d met through GA were certainly acquaintances she was friendly with….but there was no one else she’d call to go grab a beer or even a meal. Fin was her big brother, she cared about him a lot, and he was always watching out for her, but they really didn’t socialize a whole lot outside of work. Her relationship with Olivia Benson was…. complicated. Benson was her boss, and they’d had a rough couple years. It was getting better…..but she wasn’t exactly inviting Liv over for a girls night. Plus they were at different places in their lives. Liv had a baby….Noah took up almost all of her free time. 

Amanda let the car’s AC blast while she tried to find a music station she and Carisi wouldn’t argue over and thought back to Nick’s last case. Johnny D. Even before it all went to hell and Nick got shot, he was clearly planning to leave. As soon as he was told he’d never make sergeant he’d started to look at options. If he hadn’t been injured…..who knows…..he might’ve even left sooner. Gone to be with his family in California no matter what.  Amanda was hurt that he lumped her in with Fin and Carisi….told them all at the same time. She thought they’d meant more than that to each other. 

Movement from out of the corner of her eye drew her gaze to Carisi holding the door to the Starbucks open to let two women in before he exited. Even with his hands full, he smiled at them, waited for them to get inside before he let the door close behind him. At first glance Amaro and Carisi seemed similar in this way,  both chivalrous men. But, after working with both of them, Amanda realized they were nothing alike.  

Nick treated chivalry like it was his duty as the man to do all these things. Just like he thought a man had to control himself around women….you never laid a hand on a woman….you held that anger in. 

Sonny Carisi….had no need to control himself, because he didn’t have those feelings. Never wanted to punch a woman therefore never had to keep himself from doing so.

He enjoyed holding that door open. It wasn’t a chore. She could see it on his face. He probably would’ve done it for a man entering the building too. It was just in his nature to be a kind person. She’d watched him closely over the past year and either he was delivering a truly Oscar worthy performance, or he genuinely cared about people. Not that he didn’t get mad or upset….she’d just never seen that kind of fire in his eyes. The kind she’d seen in her own father, in many of the men Amanda dated, even Amaro. That dangerous kind of fire….

She and Olivia joked about Carisi’s opening speech to them when he first showed up at SVU, but as it turned out….he was incredibly empathetic. He sensed something was off with Amanda ever since Nick left. Never said anything about it, but she’d caught him giving her that look a few times. Maybe 

She’d been working as much overtime as she could, filling the hours so she’d go home and just walk Frannie and pass out. Carisi was working just as much, trying to pay for law school. It put the two of them together far more in the past couple weeks than the whole year leading up to it. The two of them even worked doubles that pitted them on third shift together a few times. 

“Blonde and sweet”. Carisi smiled at her as he handed the cup across the console to her. She rolled her eyes, waiting for him to say something corny. She was positive “Just like you” was gonna drop from his lips, but he refrained. Instead, he climbed into the passenger seat. Something else about Carisi, he never seemed to mind her driving. Amanda had worked with enough male cops and most of the time, they’d insist on driving, including Amaro, unless she forced the issue. But Carisi just went with the flow. 

He seemed to be fine with her taking control…..she smirked, covering it up by bringing the steaming cup of coffee up to her lips. Not for the first time she imagined how she could test just how far in control her handsome lanky partner would let her be……maybe instead of driving back to the city, she would park the car somewhere secluded in this podunk town, push his seat back and lean over the same console he’d just passed her cofee……she wondered how chivalrous he’d be then when she was taking him to heaven and back. 

She was betting he’d keep his hands off her hair….not the kind of man who’d push her head down. He might even try to stop her….insist she didn’t need to……for a few seconds anyway. Then he was bound to lose control, lean back and enjoy it. 

Carisi was the kinda man who’d probably even warn her before he was about to shoot his load, in case she wanted to release him from her mouth and finish him off with her hand. She watched from the safety behind her coffee as he settled into his seat. She tried to imagine just how courteous Sonny Carisi would still be, even if she had his dick in her mouth, working him with her tongue…her lips….bobbing up and down sucking him off until she had him worked up into a frenzy. 

 She could see him now…..he’d probably still try to make sure she wasn’t leaning on her bad knee, fold his sports jacket for her to kneel on like some fairytale prince covering a puddle with his coat. 

She let out a giggle that made her sip of coffee go down the wrong pipe causing a coughing fit. 

“Ya alright Rollins”? Concern all over his face just made her cough harder. He put his cup into the console and started patting her on the back until she stopped. 

“I’m good”. She managed to choke out a minute or two later, and she pulled away from the little coffee shop in Oyster Bay to drive them back to Manhattan. Stop thinking about Carisi’s cock and just focus on work Amanda….she told herself. 

Trying to keep from falling into the same pattern she fell into with Amaro. That mistake had cost her more than she planned. She was stupid enough to think maybe the thing with Nick might’ve been more than it was. 

And God, that’s right. There was the big mistake she made with Declan Murphy a few months ago. She’d been lonely, and she and Nick hadn’t had their friends with benefits thing for quite a while. All she had to do was invite Murphy over for a drink before he flew back to whatever Eastern European country the task force had him in. Two drinks in and she was bent over the arm of her sofa, chasing her own release before he finished. The whole thing had lasted less than two minutes….and she didn’t.  He was out the door again almost as fast and she hadn’t heard from him since he sent the text from the airport saying goodbye. They both knew it was a stupid mistake. At least with Amaro, if it wasn’t obvious he’d at least ask her if she finished. With Declan she was taking care of herself in the shower after he left. He wasn’t a bad guy, it was just a stupid thing to do, on both their parts.  

But this is Sonny Carisi. He was different. She didn’t even think he’d be willing to make a mistake like that with her. Last year she’d come around to believing he was a good cop. Over the past few weeks her opinion evolved. He was also a truly decent human. One she could actually trust. She hadn’t met too many of those in her life. He hadn’t let her down yet.

Chapter Text

Dominick Carisi had been pleasantly surprised when Rollins showed up the first Sunday he was there for a double shift. Neither of them knew the other had signed up for OT and he thought he saw a sliver of unexpected happiness on her face when she saw him sitting at his desk. He explained he needed to earn as much as he could before his last semester at Fordham. And he didn’t need to ask what had her working so much, or so he thought. 

Sonny assumed she and Nick were something…..more than partners. When Nick made the announcement he was leaving, and the whole precinct took turns shaking his hand, wishing him luck…… Carisi went straight to her. He asked if she was moving to California too. Then Carisi saw the look on Rollins face and realized she was learning about his move at the same time everyone else was. 

All she said was “No”.  

He’d spent the past year getting to know this squad pretty well. There was a shift from him being the new guy who might not make it past a couple months to being a real part of the team. It happened when they worked on the Glasgowman case. He’d felt an enormous sense of pride the moment Rollins told the Sarge that he had developed a rapport with their suspect, essentially getting him in the room over Amaro. 

He wasn’t entirely sure what the relationship was between those two. There was definitely….something there. He’d noticed in court how close Rollins sat to Amaro. Shoulders down to thighs always touching. With the rest of the team, Rollins always maintained a few inches of distance between her and anyone else. He assumed they had some kind of relationship, but if that was true, Liv wouldn’t have let them partner up. Maybe she just turned a blind eye because they were both such good detectives.

Sonny had gotten to know her pretty well over the past few weeks of working nearly every shift together. He knew how she took her coffee, knew she liked to take Frannie for a run before and after a shift even though her knee was a constant source of pain for her. He knew she had a sister who was nothing but trouble, and parents who may or may not still be around. He ignored the rumors about what happened to her in Atlanta. He didn’t pay attention to gossip from the beat cops he’d crossed paths with, but he’d also seen how broken she looked when her old chief from Atlanta was arrested and tried for raping one of his subordinates. She’d taken time off from work after that, and Amanda Rollins never took time off from work. 

After their first week of working 4 double shifts in a row, Carisi asked her if she wanted to stop for breakfast before they both went home to crash. He knew a diner not that far from the precinct that had really good grits. 

“You think you know good grits? A yankee born and bred in New York”? She threw the shade, smirking the entire time. 

“Hey, I know good food”. He countered, sitting on the edge of Fin’s desk. “Especially breakfast”. 

“I am kinda starving”......she seemed to be caving. 

“Right? Me too”. 

She hesitated for a second and checked the time on her phone. 

“We gotta stop by….I have to……I need to walk Frannie first……if you don’t mind…..I’m up for it”. 

Carisi couldn’t stop the flip in his stomach when she said yes……fought against that feeling. This was his partner. A work colleague. A woman he’d witnessed spurring the advances of several other cops before…..he wasn’t gonna be just another cop trying to get in her pants. That wasn’t what he wanted anyway. He just wanted to be part of this team, and he really liked her. Amanda was strong, funny, resilient……Okay, stunningly beautiful too. That wasn’t important though. 

“I’m so tired though….you’re driving, Carisi”. She said as she shut her computer down. 

This was the moment when their relationship went from partners at work to….friends. Number one, she trusted him to drive, trusted him to come to her home, and meet Amanda’s… roommate. The dog she loved more than most people. He’d only seen photos and heard about Frannie. He was aware it definitely meant something that she was letting him into her world like this……A world he imagined Nick Amaro had gotten to see. Not that he was looking to take Nick’s place. Actually from when he’d seen between the two of them, he definitely wasn’t here for that. Rollins didn’t have any family here, and from what he knew, her family wasn’t exactly supportive…..who couldn’t use another friend in this world?  

They were both tired, but he got a second wind after they walked up the three flights of stairs to her apartment. She opened the door, and he glanced around. Her place was homey with simple furnishings and a few pieces of art here and there. He realized how much it smelled like her in here. Tried to keep from taking a deep breath. The slightly floral scent of her perfume and whatever candle she’d burned…..it smelled like….apples and spice and….home. He shook his head to knock that thought out. It wasn’t smart to develop those kind of feelings for his partner…..certainly not if she was just getting over Nick….whatever that relationship was.    

“Frannie’s very friendly, but sometimes it takes a minute for her to”- before Amanda could finish the sentence, Fran proved her wrong, running straight to Carisi, her tail wagging a mile a minute. 

“Hey”! Carisi knelt down on the floor in front of Frannie, letting her lick his face as he scratched her behind the ears. She whined and wiggled back and forth in front of him, enjoying his attention and totally ignoring Amanda. 

“Nevermind. She likes you”. 

“You wanna go outside”? He asked, looking around for her leash. 

Amanda raised her eyebrows. 

“I can take her…if you wanted ta”....he motioned up and down, pointing at her clothes. 

“If we were at my place, I’d wanna change into sweats so when we’re done eating I could just go home after and fall into bed”. 

He couldn’t read the expression on her face. She bit her bottom lip, and her eyes raked over him in a way that made his pulse race. 

He stuttered, “I mean…you know…it’s been a long shift”. 

“Actually….yea. That’d be……really nice”. 

“C’mon Fran”. Frannie obeyed, pulling him through the front door. 

By the time he’d returned, Amanda was sitting on her sofa, hair falling in soft curls on her shoulders. She’d put on some leggings and a yellow t-shirt. He hung Frannie’s leash back up and noticed a pair of folded sweatpants and an NYPD t-shirt on her kitchen counter. 

Amanda groaned a little when she got up, the 24 hour shift starting to really settle in. 

“Don’t tell me you don’t wanna get outta that suit”, she started, “I had these in my closet, I’m pretty sure they’ll fit you…..and….they’re not Nick’s….the sweatpants got left here by one of  Kim’s friends, and that shirt was one I got to sleep in….should be big enough for you”. 

Carisi’s eyes met hers over the pile of clothes. Aside from the fact nothing Nick Amaro wore would remotely fit Sonny, it felt…..good that Amanda obviously could tell he didn’t want to fill Nick’s shoes in any way, let alone literally by wearing the man’s clothes. 

They ended up sitting in that booth at the diner for hours . After breakfast, the waitress just kept the coffee coming. If Carisi wasn’t wearing an NYPD shirt, and Rollins hadn’t placed her badge on the table with her keys they might’ve been asked to leave. 

He told Rollins all about his family, and she opened up a bit about her own. They talked about their favorite movies, music, books…..She told him how she wanted to someday go back to school and get her PHD, he talked about how he wanted to work for the DAs office once he finished law school. Neither of them stopped to think this might be unusual….spending three hours off the clock just talking, laughing and generally enjoying each other’s company. When they were finally ready to go, Carisi paid the tab before she’d even had a chance to reach for it. Amanda gave him a look, he shrugged and told her she was too slow. Then told her next time was on her. The way she nodded, as if it were a given this would happen again….dammit….there went that resolve…..

Carisi was yawning so many times on the short drive back to her apartment that Amanda insisted he take a nap on her couch before driving home. Too tired to argue, he followed her back upstairs. The two of them sat down and Rollins put on some reality show about a family with twelve kids or something and he was genuinely asleep within minutes. He barely remembered past the opening credits. He woke up hours later to Amanda’s quiet apartment and Frannie curled up against his side. He rubbed his face and sat up. 

“You need to go out girl”? He whispered to Frannie, but she yawned and stood up just to turn around in circles before flopping back down in the exact same spot on the sofa.  

Sonny ruffled the fur behind her ears and stood up. Down the hall, Rollins bedroom door was cracked, just like she’d left the bathroom earlier. He looked around for something to write with. Then he saw the note on the counter. 

Carisi

Thanx for the halfway decent grits. 

Fran refused to leave that spot next to u, sorry for the dog hair. 

Be careful driving home

See you Tuesday 

-A 

He looked down and saw all the blonde dog hairs on the shirt he was borrowing and chuffed out a laugh. He’d have to wash and bring these back to her. 

Sonny turned the note over and grabbed the pen. He hadn’t called her by her first name but maybe one time, but she signed the note - A……

Amanda,

Frannie might be the best cuddle I’ve had in a while. 

;-P

Thanks for the sweats, bring them to u washed. 

Next time biscuits and gravy. 

-Sonny 

It would be the first of many times between April and June they’d share a leisurely breakfast at the same diner. Sometimes back to her place to watch some truly terrible television, sometimes he’d go straight home after. 

Case after case, week after week, henoticed Amanda would drop the Carisi from time to time and call him Sonny. They developed a bit of a short hand at work, communicating without speaking. Liv would more and more put them together especially when it came to interviewing suspects. Rollins got hot under the collar, and Carisi pulled her back. On the rare occasion he was the one losing patience, all it took was her hand on his to calm him. 

Sonny tried in vain to stop the growing affection for his partner, but it was futile. The more time he spent with her, the more of her she opened up to him, the deeper he got. The final straw was a particularly brutal case in late May that had Amanda storming out of the precinct. A woman raped by her boss who’d managed to convince the jury that she went along willingly and wanted everything that happened to her. 

Sonny knew the dynamics of their squad had definitely shifted when Fin watched her throw open the door to the stairs, then turn and ask him if she was okay.

Olivia watched too. “Go”. She motioned for Carisi to follow. 

He’d found her in the parking garage. She had her hands on the door of her Jeep, her forehead pressed against the cool metal, and he could hear her trying to control her breathing. Amanda had gone on a yoga retreat last year and Sonny watched her use some of the techniques she learned there. 

He knew better than to touch her when she was like this, so he just leaned his back against the SUV as close to her as he dared. Letting her know he was here…..but only if she needed him. 

Amanda continued the breathing, and he watched as she lowered one hand. His heartbeat thrummed in his head. He held his hand out to her, but she didn’t take it. Instead, she gripped the fabric at the edge of his jacket and held on. They stood there a few minutes until she was finally able to say something. 

“I know exactly what she went through. I was just like her”. 

The voice that came from her was unrecognizable to Sonny. He was so used to brave, strong, independent Amanda Rollins. This was…..she sounded small and scared. He didn’t say a word, and forced himself not to gather her up in his arms and tell her he’d never let anyone hurt her like that again……

“I said yes…..I went willingly…..I wanted to help Kim…..but when he……I changed my mind….I said no, Sonny. I begged him to stop….I tried to fight him off……he….he hit my head so hard….and I couldn’t get away”....Amanda gripped his jacket tighter, moving a step closer to him. 

 “Amanda…..I……I’m so sorry”. Sonny wasn’t sure what she needed to hear right now, but when she turned toward him, away from the Jeep, he took a chance and closed the gap between them. Just as she broke down, he wrapped his arms around her and held her as she cried. Her arms slipped under his jacket and she held on for dear life as she cried into his shirt. 

If her chief had walked up to them, at this moment, Carisi was sure he would’ve pummeled on him till he had a real heart attack. Not that shit he faked in the courtroom.  

“C’mere……Ssshhhhh. I got you……I got you”. He whispered a promise to her. 

That night he went home with her to make dinner for the first time. Gave her tea and told her to go take a shower. 

“I got this” He said. 

He walked Frannie and stopped at the bodega for something to cook because all she had was three day old chinese food and some processed cheese squares along with the beer and wine in her fridge. 

When he brought Frannie back, he set the groceries on her counter and noticed the bathroom door cracked open. Considering everything Amanda Rollins had been through….that she trusted him enough to shower with the door ajar….not closed and locked….they really had come a long way. She trusted him. With her dog, her truth….herself…….he tried to honor that and not think about the fact that his gorgeous partner was naked under a stream of hot water just a few feet away. 

Instead he put all effort into making a quick pasta bolognese. Pasta made everything better. Even for the girl who ran twice a day and refused to eat donuts……

She fell asleep next to him on the sofa after dinner. He had his arm draped across the back and let her pick some inane reality show he had no desire to watch, but as soon as she started it, he got into it. When she curled her legs up, knees against his lap and used his chest as a pillow…..he was done. He knew that’s where he’d be spending the night, no matter what sorta kinks in his neck it caused. 

Chapter Text

It was in June that Benson tried to send Rollins and Fin up to a strip club in Buffalo to track down a young dancer who they’d heard had been assaulted by the club owner they had in custody. Barba had them tracking down as many women as they could find to show the court that this man had a pattern of behavior and this woman was apparently not a fan of police. She’d gone to the local precinct to report her rape in Manhattan and as soon as they found out she was a stripper, they tossed the case. Didn’t investigate at all. So, Daisy had apparently run as far as she could, to Canada. But recently she’d been hired on at a place in Buffalo. 

Fin claimed he was delegating when he tasked Carisi to go in his place. They’d have to stay overnight as it was a six hour drive and the department wasn’t springing for airline tickets. So, Rollins got Fin to take Frannie overnight and she and Carisi headed out mid day on a Friday, hoping to surprise Daisy either Friday or Saturday night at the club. 

In a rare moment, after they’d stopped (supposedly) for gas, but really so Rollins could get snacks for the car, she tossed her keys to Carisi and asked him to drive. She sat in the passenger seat, files spread out across her lap. 

“She doesn’t trust cops”. Rollins started, picking up a blown up photo of her driver’s license. 

“So, how do you wanna play this”? Carisi asked. He glanced over, seeing the photo. “God, she looks so young”. 

“She’s only 20 now. When this happened, she was 17. Lied on her application to get the job. Not that anyone would’ve cared if they found out”. 

Carisi shook his head and watched the road ahead. 

“I think we’ve gotta go in, not as cops”. 

He turned to her, one eyebrow raised. At first he thought she meant sending him in to hire her for a lap dance or something, but she’d said we . 

“You and me. Going into a strip club. Together……as what”? 

Amanda put the photo down and turned all her attention to her adorably naive partner. 

“Carisi. Not everyone is into champagne and rose petals”. She smirked as his ears turned red and he refused to look in her direction. 

“So what, we’re goin’ in there to watch strippers…..as a couple”.....

“Yea”. She gathered the papers up into the folder. “It’s hot”. She giggled at his shocked reaction.

“If we can get her to see we’re just people……then she may be more likely to at least let us ask her some questions. Maybe ask to take her back for a private dance first”. 

She looked over, but Carisi was just staring straight ahead. 

“Did you hear me”?

“Uh yea, sorry. Whatever you say Rollins”. 

She grinned at his apparent distraction. 

They got to the motel, left the door between their rooms open as they each brought a bag in from the car, discussing the plan for the evening. They had a quick bite to eat, then a nap until 10 and they’d show up at the club around 11. 

The idea to show up undercover like this hadn’t hit Rollins till she was in the car reading Daisy’s file. She’d already gone to the cops once. They’d turned her away. She was going to do exactly the same thing if they showed up flashing badges asking to question her about her rape three years ago.

Amanda surveyed the clothes she brought. None of them were really appropriate for a woman out at a strip club with her man. But she made due with what she had. The dark jeans were tight and they’d do just fine. But the blouse she brought, she left unbuttoned far lower than she ever would normally, and was grateful at the last minute she’d tossed in the bra with the underwire and light padding. Running her fingers over the satiny material once she had it on, she pondered the real reason she’d brought that one. She knew how it made her tits look, and she knew she was coming here with Carisi. Her fingertips lingered on the lace at the top of the cups and she took one last look in the mirror. Makeup way darker, her hair loose in waves around her face. Okay, now she kinda looked the part. 

A knock on her door startled her. She smiled and pulled the black blouse on, still buttoning it when she opened the door between her room and Carisi’s. 

“Their website shows she’s workin’ tonight and she”- Carisi’s eyes darted down to where her fingers were buttoning her shirt from the bottom up. He stood there, not speaking for a moment. Yep. That’s what she was going for. 

He actually looked perfect. Grey henley over dark jeans, and his hair tousled just enough from his nap that he looked…..well, he looked like someone who was in bed just before coming out to the club…..and all that implied. 

“And she”.....Amanda reached for her purse, motioning from him to continue. She had to bend down, and his eyes got wider. 

“What”? He asked. 

“You were saying”.....

“I….can’t remember…..you look”....

She flashed him a smile. 

“You too”. She walked past him so he couldn’t see the blush on her cheeks. 

“After you”. 

The club wasn’t very big. At least compared to the place they’d been investigating in Manhattan. A bar at one end, tables for probably 50 patrons, one stage big enough to have at least four dancers on at once, with offshoots that reached out into the crowd. 

Once inside, Amanda held onto Sonny’s arm, pressing herself tighter against him every time a man gave her a second look. The last thing she wanted was any man in this place hitting on her. She asked the bouncer where Daisy usually danced, claiming they’d seen her here before and were really…..into seeing her again tonight. The guy barely looked at Carisi and pointed to the left side of the stage. The waitress sat them, took a drink order and left. 

Amanda could see how uncomfortable Sonny was in this place. She felt bad that the only undercover work he’d done with SVU was as a John trying to trap traffickers holding women against their will. Her partner needed to loosen up a little, he was supposed to be her boyfriend, here to find a stripper they might have a threesome with in the backroom. That’s really the image they were trying to project. 

When the waitress came back with their drinks, Amanda slipped her a fifty dollar bill and pulled her in close to talk to her. The waitress nodded, her eyes raking hungrily over Carisi. 

“What did you say to her”? He asked, after she left. 

“I told her to let Daisy know she had some fans here tonight hoping to get a private audience with her later”. 

Before he could say anything else, lights dimmed even more than they already were, and the next show began. For an hour there were several dancers on stage gyrating around, doing what strippers do. Amanda leaned into Sonny, pulling his hand between her thighs to rest there as her hand plunged inside the collar of his shirt, stretching it just a little, as she nuzzled against his neck. They looked the part of a horny couple who couldn't keep their hands off each other.  Amanda found it easy to play that role, enjoying how much it was affecting her partner. Her breath on his neck, each time her hand caressed his bare skin beneath the shirt, his hand gripped her leg. He hardly spoke a word. Once the next set of dancers took stage, they watched Daisy speak to their waitress, and start walking their way. 

“Here she comes, here she comes. Kiss me”. Amanda turned Sonny’s face to hers, and pressed her lips to his. As surprised as he looked, it was Amanda who’d been shocked at the feelings conjured up when she parted her lips, tongue sliding against his. For a few seconds she forgot what they were doing here and just got lost in that kiss. Sound, the club, it all dropped away. Apparently so did he, because his hand moved further up the inside of her thigh, and just as he reached the apex….

“Well…..aren’t you two a nice surprise”. 

Amanda broke the kiss, both of them panting, looking at each other with the wonderment of two people who have realized just how much they want each other. Amanda was overwhelmed. She wasn’t prepared for this rush of…..emotion. 

“I thought for sure when Tammy said I had some fans here tonight, that I’d be walking up to two middle aged car salesmen or something”. 

Amanda looked away first, giving herself a little distance from him as Daisy sat down on the other side of Sonny. 

“You two looking to party”? She asked. Amanda was back in undercover mode and grinned, pulling a wad of cash from inside her bra and winked at Daisy. She was sure she heard a strangled breath coming out of Carisi. 

“We’d really love to maybe get some…..alone time with you….yea”. She tucked the money back away. 

“Give me ten minutes, then come to the VIP room”. Daisy gave Carisi’s other thigh a squeeze, and left them. 

Carisi blew out a breath he’d been holding, he had hardly said a word. 

“You okay”, Amanda asked, she should be asking herself that question. She was reeling still, but better at hiding how she felt than Carisi.  

“I’m fine”. He insisted, though he kept trying to adjust the way he was sitting to hide the hard on he got between having his hand between Amanda’s jeans clad legs and and the taste of her still on his lips…his tongue.

“It’s a strip club, Carisi, relax”. She relaxed back against the booth and brought his hand back to her thigh. “Every man in here is hard”. 

Carisi turned to face her. His eyes wander down to her cleavage, up her neck and back to meet her eyes. 

“It’s not…. the strippers…you…..you gotta know that….right”?

Amanda knew. She was blowing it off, pretending it was just the general strip club atmosphere….. But it was not. Sonny Carisi wasn’t really like that. He was hard for her ……and God help her….. she was wet for him right now. She was dying to run her fingers down his chest, and palm him through those jeans. 

She wasn’t sure she wanted him to know that…yet? She wasn’t sure what she wanted….or was she? They gazed at each other. The lingering looks had been increasing over the past few weeks, working so closely….. eventually would it have just ended up right here? 

Did she want to pull him by the hand until they found a quiet corner in this club and let him see how much he turned her on? Show him just how wet she really was, then beg him to fuck her hard up against a wall? Yes. Did she want him to take her back to the motel room and strip all her clothes off while he slowly kissed every inch of her bare skin before using those same lips and tongue to make her scream his name out as she came all over his face? God yes. 

But would she? Putting herself out there again was scary. She thought she’d found a kindred spirit in Nick, but all she got was someone to pass the time with until he left her with barely a goodbye. Sonny seemed different. But was her radar off? She was attracted to him….Sweet baby Jesus did she find him hot right now…..didn’t that mean he must have something wrong with him?  

“Rollins…..Amanda….I gotta”- before he could finish, one of the bouncers came up to walk them back to one of two VIP rooms in this place. 

Daisy was taken aback when Carisi stopped her from giving him a lap dance, and they told her they were really cops. Rollins explained that Daisy’s old boss was being prosecuted for rape. That stopped her from walking out. Literally stopped her in her tracks. Her hand was on the door, about to leave. Instead, she crossed the room and settled on one of the black pleather sofas. 

“He did it again”. It wasn’t a question. She held her head in her hands. Rollins sat down next to her. She gave Daisy a moment, then gently placed her hand on her back. Daisy sniffled, and sat up. Amanda explained how they’d found multiple victims. Each one so sure no one would believe them that they didn’t even report it. 

“You and one other woman were one of the only ones brave enough to come forward. And I’m so sorry they didn’t believe you……You deserved better than that….I know….I know how that feels”.

Daisy rolled her eyes. “You don’t know anything”. 

Rollins took a deep breath and told Daisy all about Patton. How he was her boss. She considered him a mentor and looked up to him. He was beloved by everyone in the police department. Despite that….when Kim got in trouble…. Patton offered sex as a way for Amanda to get her out of it. She’d been shocked. This married older man she considered a friend was telling her that if she fucked him, her sister would get off scot-free. She might’ve agreed at first just because her mind was reeling and she couldn’t even process what was being asked of her. But when it came time to do the deed….Amanda couldn’t do it. And Patton didn’t take no for an answer. 

Daisy cried, and let Amanda hold her, but just for a moment. Then she steeled herself to go back to work. Amanda knew that look too. Pushing what happened way way down so you could keep doing your job. 

They (mostly Amanda) were able to convince Daisy to come back to the city next week. So they could prep her to testify. 

On the car ride back to the motel, Carisi asked “Rollins….are you…..you okay”? 

It had been the first time she told the whole story to someone besides Barba. It felt really good. She’d given Carisi the basics, but he hadn’t heard everything. Now he was one of three people who knew. Four if you counted Chief Patton, although that man likely convinced himself that never happened. She’d never been able to tell her story in court, but telling Daisy…..she felt a little bit more of that weight lifted. 

Amanda looked over at him, and waited for him to glance back at her. 

“Yea. I am”. She smiled.

He reached over, without thinking, and gave her thigh a squeeze. As he was about to bring it back to the wheel, Amanda covered his hand with hers, inching it back to where it was in the club. Just a few inches from the apex of her thighs. Just like that the tension that crackled between them in the club was back. She watched his adam's apple bob on a hard swallow, and he shifted in his seat. They drove the last few minutes in silence before parking in front of her room. 

They both entered their own motel rooms, locking doors behind them, but stepping inside, the door between the two rooms was open. Amanda wasn’t entirely sure what was going to happen, she knew what she wanted to happen…..but did he feel the same? Maybe they’d walk inside, shut that inner door, and both just go to bed…… 

When Rollins turned from the motel’s outer door, Carisi was standing in the doorway watching her. Blazing hunger in his eyes made her breath catch. She set her purse down on the dresser and walked over to him. She could feel the heat rolling off of him. He took the last step closing the distance between them. She could feel his breath on her forehead, he wasn’t actually touching her anywhere, and her entire body ached for him to.

“If you don’t want this……..tell me now. I’ll go back to my room….close the door…we can just go back to”.....

She said nothing, he was giving her all the control, but she couldn’t manage to say a word. 

She felt his hand, fingers lightly dragging along the inside seam of her jeans. Where he’d touched her in the club before they’d been interrupted. All she could manage was a whimper when he didn’t stop….finally reaching that apex. 

Amanda grabbed his shoulders, holding on to keep herself upright. Her knees felt weak. He was close to getting her off without them taking a single item of clothing off. She moaned, loudly and she could tell it had some kind of effect on Carisi, he walked her backwards, his hand still between her legs until her back hit the wall. He removed his hand, and she was about to beg him not to stop when he grabbed her by the waist, lifting her up. 

Amanda wrapped her legs around him, throwing her head back as he rutted against her. She could feel through all the layers of clothes how hard he still was. He ripped her shirt open burying his face between her breasts while his hands kneaded them until she was moaning, her hips rolling her center against him desperate for friction, for him.

Her hands tangled up in his hair, and she managed to pull her shirt the rest of the way off. In one quick move he removed her bra, and his mouth was on her breast. 

“Oh…..oh…. God….Carisi”......she panted out between breaths out as his tongue raked against her nipple. The weight of his body held her up against the wall, hips grinding his hardness against her center until she was frantic, needing to feel him inside her. 

“Wait…..wait…..Carisi I need”....she tried to wriggle out of his embrace, and he misunderstood. Immediately he let go and she slid down until her feet were on the floor. He backed up, running a hand through his hair. They both stood there breathless for a few seconds. He looked….wrecked. Pupils blown, the bulge in his jeans unmistakable, a wet spot beginning to form where he was already leaking…..he began to turn away from her. 

“No no no no”.....she grabbed for his arm pulling him right back to her, grabbing both his hands and placing them around her waist. She let him hold her up while she began to unbutton her jeans and toe her shoes off at the same time. Finally she shimmied out of her jeans and was standing before him in just her black thong. 

“I don’t want you to stop”. She made it perfectly clear. Then she covered one of his hands with hers, leading him around to slip it under the waistband of her panties. 

“Manda”.......he practically growled her name when he felt how soaking wet she was. 

“This…. is what you do to me”. She whispered, moaning as his fingers began to move, sliding up and down her silky folds. He was still fully dressed, but before she could complain, his thumb found her clit and she had to hold onto him to keep herself upright. Swirling circles had her dizzy with need and she rocked herself against his hand. 

Amanda uttered a string of incomprehensible words when he slipped two fingers inside her, his thumb still flicking, gently working her clit with a skill no one ever had before. He kept going until her hips were bucking wildly, the ache building up, reaching a crest before she was dropped over the edge.  

“Fuck…me….I…..right…..Oh….God….YES…..don’t…..stop….don’t stop…..pleeeeease”......

The indescribable magical feeling when a powerful orgasm takes over…..her heart was beating so fast, but it wasn’t enough. She needed him inside her. Right. Now. 

Her hands scrambled for the button on his jeans. She palmed his erection, still rock hard. 

His fingers replaced hers, working the button and zipper while she pulled the henley over his head. She didn’t even wait for his jeans to be off, just pushed them down along with his boxers. He shuddered the second her hands were on him, he was like hot velvet over steel and she stroked him a few times before she guided him into her. 

They both moaned at the exquisite sensations. He lifted her again, her legs wrapping around his waist as he spread her up against the wall pushing his cock deep into her slick wet heat. She was barely over the first orgasm, her walls pulsing around him when the next one began to build up. He pulled out as much as he could before slamming into her again. 

Each time he withdrew and plunged, she cried out, the pleasure so great she didn’t care how loud she was. His hands gripped her ass, his mouth latched onto her breast as his thrusts came faster and faster, building a rhythm until he could no longer pull all the way out. Each time banging her against the wall. Amanda knew she’d likely have bruises tomorrow and did not care. She could tell he was close when his rhythm faltered and became erratic. 

Sonny brought his thumb to her lips and she whimpered, sucking on it until he pulled it out, reaching down between them, instantly she saw stars when his thumb circled her clit again and she fell over the edge, her whole body shaking in ecstasy. 

“OH GOD YES”! She cried out, blinding white light behind her eyes as her walls quivered around him, waves of pleasure dragging her orgasm out as she milked his from him. Her toes literally curled and her thighs squeezed. He slammed into her, exploding into her with three final thrusts. His face buried in her neck, breaths came hot and fast. 

He held her up against the wall, both of their bodies still buzzing, unable to move. She felt boneless, her entire weight was on him. Sonny had to hold her, and get his jeans off so he could carry her to the bed. She was barely conscious, a smile plastered on her face. 

It should feel awkward. She should be running to hide in the bathroom until he he would eventually slink back to his room and they have to ride back to the city together in that uncomfortable silence……but it’s just not. He disappears but Amanda barely noticed, she was already half asleep basking in the orgasmic afterglow. But then he returned with a warm washcloth. So gentle compared to the man who’d just gripped her thighs so hard she knew she’d have bruises tomorrow…..along with who knows how many marks on her breasts, her collarbone….Amanda curled up on her side, the smile still plastered on her face. 

Instead of leaving to go back to his room…..Carisi slipped between the sheets next to her. She felt the heat of him behind her and she raised her arm, inviting him to drape his arm around her waist. His breath was warm against her neck and Amanda’s last thoughts as she was letting sleep take her, was how right this felt. It was wrong…in many many ways. Maybe they’d wake up tomorrow and agree this could never happen again…..they’d barely said two words to each other since they got back to the motel but….it was like they didn’t need words. 

Amanda couldn’t explain it. For the first time….maybe ever….she was falling asleep feeling sated….happy…and safe . His own breaths slowed with hers, and she slipped into dreamland with Sonny Carisi spooned up behind her.  

Chapter Text

Carisi spent the entire car ride back to the city trying to keep his cool. He could hardly believe the last 24 hours. Not entirely sure what all this will mean, he was grateful Rollins didn’t seem to be running from it. They’d been starving when they woke up. He went back to his own room to shower and change, nothing but her on his mind. 

Over a giant breakfast at the diner by their motel, they talked about the case. About how Barba needed time with each one of their witnesses before the trial. Amanda avoided looking directly into his eyes, the one time she did, she flushed and looked immediately back to her pancakes, shifting her shirt so he could see one of the many spots where he’d bruised her skin. His eyes roamed over her, and he grew hard thinking all the ways his mouth had been on her in the last twelve hours. But they didn’t talk about that .   

Now that he’d had a taste of what it was like to be with her…..that’s all he was ever going to want.

He feared waking up this morning with her in his arms that she might tell him this is a one time thing, and that they could never do it again.  

Well….that was definitely not her reaction this morning. 

***

He woke up in almost the exact same position they fell asleep in. His arm around Amanda’s waist, spooned up behind her. He felt her stirring as well, and tried to put a little distance between them. 

“Morning”. He grumbled against her ear. Amanda hummed and stretched, surprising him by reaching behind her to palm his morning wood. 

“Mmmmmm”.....she had him throbbing and fully erect in seconds. 

She pulled out of his embrace, turning to kiss him, her hand stroking him while her tongue rolled around his. Was he still dreaming?? 

Then she began kissing her way down his torso. He had no idea of the thoughts Amanda had about him in the car, about what kind of man he’d be. If she went down on him, how would he react. He had no idea that she didn’t trust Amaro enough to do this….certainly not Declan. He had no clue that the men in her life might’ve told her she was amazing at it, after treating her like crap and making her regret blowing them as soon as they pushed her head down, or grabbed her hair.  

No, by the time she was sucking bruises down his abdomen, purposefully avoiding the one place he wanted her mouth….Sonny reached up behind him and grabbed at the headboard in anticipation. He watched her with animalistic need…..last night he thought he’d counted at least 2 orgasms for her…what she was doing now….that it was just for him…..

He sucked in a breath when her hand finally wrapped around the base of his cock, her other hand cradling his balls, massaging them.  

“Manda…you know…you don’t hafta”.....was all he could manage, though he was sure she’d see the need….the desire on his face. 

“Mmmmm. I want to taste you”.....she glanced up at him, her eyes not leaving his as her tongue traced slowly from base to tip, then she licked the head of his cock like she was licking a lollipop. 

His erection bobbed in her hands, and when she took the tip of him between her lips, with just the right amount of suction. She moaned as her tongue stroked at the sensitive skin there….his eyes closed and he sucked in another breath. FUCK she was gonna be the death of him he thought. But he’d happily give up his life right now if she’d just keep sucking his dick like this…..

With each stroke of her hand, her wet hot mouth took him deeper. She felt so fucking good….Sucking sounds along with her moans pushed him even closer to losing control. Sonny opened his eyes, needing to watch her……he let go of the headboard and reached down to sweep her hair away from her face. He thought he saw a flash of panic in her eyes but it was gone before he could even fully register what he was seeing, and her tongue was doing that thing again and he was about to come down her throat.  

“Manda”....he growled out her name and his eyes rolled back. When he opened them again, he saw her free hand between her legs, getting herself off. His hips began shallow thrusts, not pushing into her, but it was a serious exercise in control not to.  

“Amanda….You gotta….I’m gonna come”……instead of letting go, Amanda held his cock with both hands, her own arousal slippery around him as she stroked faster and faster until he felt that surge as he swelled and throbbed, finally coming, erupting and shooting his load down her throat. Amanda drank every last drop, slowly working him with her tongue until he was completely and totally spent. 

Sonny regained his senses after a few seconds, sliding down so he could reach between her legs. 

“Amanda….that was….oh my G-….fuck….you’re so wet”. 

“Sonny”  she whimpered as he sucked and kissed his way down her body. He paid particular attention to her breasts, wanting to mark her as his….so she’d see the bruises for days. He laid one arm across her belly, holding her down when his mouth finally reached her center. 

Carisi was certainly no Casanova, but he’d been with his share of women. Never once had a woman been so…..affected by his touch. Last night he was sure it was the best sex he’d ever had, until this morning…..

Amanda cried out, arching her back when he got his first taste of her. His tongue grazed lightly against her clit, closing his mouth around her bud with just the slightest suction. 

“Harder” she begged him, and he obeyed.  “Like….that….. YES”! 

He slipped two fingers inside her slick wet heat, fucking her with his hand and his mouth, edging her closer and closer then slowing down, backing off, until her thighs were shaking in anticipation. 

“Carisiiiii”.....she moaned out, “Make me come”! 

He knew her now. Knew just how to get her to come undone, fall apart under his touch. 

This time he built her up again, not backing off until he felt the fluttering begin, walls pulsing around his fingers, her thighs tensing and then her whole body went stiff, her back arched and she gripped his hair, holding him in place as her hips bucked against him. 

She cried out and he felt the heat and gush of her release as she came even harder than she had last night.

When Amanda collapsed against the mattress, panting with one arm slung over her eyes, he kissed his way back up her body, whispering things to her along the way.

“I got you”. 

“You’re so beautiful Amanda”. 

She reached for him with her other arm, letting him wrap her up and hold her until they both fell asleep again. 

***

The closer they got to New York, the more he started to panic that she wasn’t going to say anything at all about it. He couldn't’ let that go. While it was still just the two of them he needed to say something. 

“So last night”. He started. 

Amanda took her eyes off the road long enough to smirk devilishly at him from the driver’s seat. He had a sudden desire to tell her to pull over so she could climb over the console and straddle him. Let him fuck her till she was screaming his name, like she had this morning. 

“We’re gonna…..and look, I know it's complicated at work and everything, but we….we are gonna do that again….right”? 

“Is that what you’d….what you want”? Amanda looked into the rear view mirror before changing lanes. 

“Isn’t that what you want”? He asked her. 

“I asked you first”. 

“Technically I asked you first. But I’ll give you my answer. Yes. Yes. I wanna do that again”. He lowered his voice, even though they were alone in the car. 

“Fuck….I wanna do it again right now”. 

Amanda let out a big laugh. He loved when she let loose like that, and then her face got a little more serious. 

“That was….it was pretty good”. 

“Pretty good”?? Carisi balked. 

“You know what I mean….I mean it was….. mind blowingly good”. She flashed him that same sexy as fuck smile. 

“But…we work together….we’re……. partners. I know you said you planned to finish law school….probably leave us when you become a full fledged lawyer….but until then….I don’t….I don’t wanna have to break in another new partner”. 

Carisi’s heart sank a little. She was right. If they were sleeping together, they shouldn’t be partners. He looked at her and finally realized why that rule exists. He thought about if they were in a dangerous spot….how he might be willing to compromise himself…..do anything….to make sure Amanda Rollins was safe. 

“But”. She grinned. “I……I’m not against doing that….again”. 

“Especially….this morning....that was”.....she hesitated…..and he squeezed her thigh. That just brought her back to where this all started and she covered his hand with hers. 

She directed his hand to slide up her thigh, then he took over, brushing his knuckles against her, and she blew out a breath she’d been holding. When he began teasing her, rubbing against the seam of her jeans, her knees widened, giving him room and she started to say something but then he leaned into it, and she bit her lip. The car veered out of lane and tires dragged across those bumps on the side of the road. The ones designed to wake drivers who’d fallen asleep at the wheel. 

Carisi retreated, with a grin on his face. That escalated quickly. Before either of them could say anything his phone went off. He didn’t recognize the phone number, but with all the witnesses they’d interviewed in the past few days he knew it could be one of them. 

“Carisi”. He answered. It had nothing to do with their current case, but might have something to do with a case they thought was done. 

“Pelham Bay”? He looked over at Rollins. Her brow furrowed. 

The uniformed officer on the phone was letting him know that they’d found another body on the same beach as all of the Yates victims. Carisi looked at his watch. 

“We can be there in about an hour”. He hung up the phone, the playfulness he’d felt all morning was gone. 

“What is it……something with Yates”? Amanda asked. 

“They found another body. Fire department’s there now trying to bring it in. I guess she’s caught up out by a dock. I got the address.  Some kids were out there skinnydippin and found her”. Carisi shook his head. 

“It’s gotta be another Yates victim”. He said. 

“None of the other ones were found in the water”. She watched him program a new address into the GPS. 

“Should we call Liv”? Carisi asked. 

“Let’s wait. Make sure it’s not just someone who got drunk and slipped off the dock”. 

He nodded. 

“We’re gonna talk about this later though”. He motioned between the two of them. 

Amanda rolled her eyes. “We’ll talk”....... 

Chapter Text

Rollins asked Carisi to wait in the car, in the foggy parking lot at Green Haven while she talked to Yates about the body they’d found. She didn’t think it was one of his, the red hair, being dumped in the water…..it didn’t match. He confirmed that along with a disturbing story about redheads not handling anesthesia the same as everyone else. She got a chill from the way Yates seemed to enjoy watching her face while he had the autopsy photos spread out in front of him, but thought she did a good job of hiding it from him.  

Liv didn’t know he’d gone up there with her, and to his credit, Carisi didn’t let on either. He never wanted to betray Rollins' trust, even if it would help her. He had her back. If she wanted Liv to know he was there, just not inside the prison, then she would tell her. 

                >---------------<

In the break room, Rollins stood in front of the vending machine. She was pissed that Olivia took Carisi with her to notify next of kin that Brooke Groves had been the body found in Pelham Bay. 

Rollins was the lead detective on the Yates case. She’s the one who’d been visiting him every few months trying to get him to help ID some of the missing Chicago women. It should’ve been Carisi riding along with Rollins. Not Liv taking over and specifically leaving her out. She wondered if she’d ever be able to earn Olivia Benson’s trust again. 

Fin walked in and saw how upset she was. He assumed it was Amaro leaving that had her so up in arms…..

“You miss him? That what this is all about”? Fin asked. 

Nothing could be further from the truth, she thought. Especially after last weekend. Nick who? If Fin only knew…..

“No! I’m pissed off man. I get grounded and this is my case? I mean I know more about how Yates thinks than Carisi does”. 

“Olivia’s just lookin’ out for you”. 

“Yea? How you figure”. That’s not how Rollins took it. More like punishing her. 

“You’re good at getting inside these guys' heads. Don’t let em get inside yours”. 

Fin didn’t see it. Loyal to Liv till the end. He was her ride or die. No matter how close he and Rollins got, or how much he had her back….he’d always have Olivia’s first. And rightly so, Amanda figured. The two of them had been through a lot together over the past twenty something years. Granted he wasn’t Liv’s partner, but they still had a bond. She could only hope to have someone like Fin in her corner for that long. Instead of arguing with Fin, she just walked away. 

            >----------------<

As it turned out their victim wasn’t Brooke Groves, much to Benson and Carisi’s shock. It was her twin sister Rachel. 

After some investigation based on when she disappeared and the fact she’d been seen the last time in the company of a woman, Rollins was convinced this proved it wasn’t Yates who killed her. 

When she drove back up to Green Haven see him with Fin, Yates told them how this body reminded him of something in his past…….he tipped them off to a townhouse in Harlem where they found a body mummified behind a wall. 

Rollins still didn’t think this was Yates, and she was beginning to win Carisi over, if no one else. 

Yates told them he’d give them the name of the woman in the wall. Knew who she was…and who killed her. All they had to do was give him a conjugal visit with his fiancee Suzie Frain. 

This time Fin rode with Liv and Suzie Frain, while Rollins and Carisi drove up in a separate car. 

Since that night together in the motel, they had barely had a chance to talk about, let alone have a repeat performance. Their strip club rape case had been put on the backburner due to the possibility of another Yates murder victim or even potentially a copycat serial killer. 

Luckily their witnesses were all understanding. They sent third watch detectives to help Barba prep some of the other victims but Daisy, she’d only talk to Rollins and they needed to wrap up this Yates mess first. 

Rollins was driving, and Carisi was on his ipad in the car, researching the Harlem townhouse. Trying to figure out who lived there when Yates claimed the body would’ve been put in there. 

“Suzie’s never gonna believe it’s him”. Amanda started. “After everything that’s happened, she’s still standing by him? You could show her a video of Yates killing someone and she’d claim it was doctored or faked or something”. 

Carisi put the laptop down. 

“Speaking of conjugal visits”. He leaned his head back, looking over at Rollins, who smirked but kept her eyes on the road. 

“You’re not in jail, Carisi”. 

“Feels like it”. 

She hummed a laugh. 

“I mean it’s not like I’m sex obsessed or anything…..I mean with this job….how can you be….but”....he trailed off. 

“But”.....she nodded. 

“I…..I can’t stop thinking about it Rollins, I swear I just read an entire page and couldn’t tell you one word of it. I’m goin’ crazy here…..all I can think about is bein’ with you….the way you smell….the way you taste” . 

“Carisi”. She warned, but her face was flushed, and butterflies fluttered in her belly. The way he said that word. Taste. Fuck she wanted him too, but now was not the time. 

“How long till we get to Greenhaven”? He asked. 

“Maybe…… half an hour”. 

He reached over the console, his fingers tracing down the outside of her thigh, gently rolling around her knee. He leaned closer. 

“We…..you can’t”......Rollins spoke the words, but she shifted, spreading her knees to make room as he traced up the inside of her thigh. “Re…..remember last time…..almost ran off the road”....but her hips angled up, seeking, wanting to feel him. Let him get her off right here in the car. But he pulled his hand away at the last minute. She gasped, squeezing her thighs together. Anything to satisfy that ache. 

Twice he’d done this to her, she set the cruise control and slowed down, letting Olivia get further ahead of them. Amanda reached over and gave him a taste of his own medicine. 

He wasn’t expecting that. Amanda easily found her target, palming his already stiff erection through his pants. 

“Oh”! He grabbed her hand. 

“Now imagine you were driving”. She joked, but her smile faded into something….darker when he pumped her hand up and down the growing outline of his cock through his pants. He groaned at the sensation and she felt his eyes on her. It was a bit of a secret thrill with Liv and Fin just a few car lengths up. He let go of her hand, expecting her to take her hand away. But she didn’t. He closed his eyes and Amanda kept stroking him. God, he was so hard for her……that was such a turn on. Just as she unzipped his fly so she could get better access, the screech over the car radio startled them both. 

Amanda jumped, startled, but kept her hand on him. They both laughed. 

It was Benson, asking Carisi questions about what he’d found out and Amanda realized in that moment he absolutely could not multi-task. With her hand on his cock, he was unable to answer Olivia. She almost laughed again seeing the indecision on his face. Did he want her  to stop or keep going…..

She decided for him. Liv was listening, waiting for him to answer her. It was just time to focus on work. Amanda had both hands back on the wheel, and they behaved themselves the rest of the ride to Green Haven. 

It was torture standing outside a trailer, listening to the sounds of someone else getting off (even if it was a serial killer) when less than an hour ago she was close herself…..

Amanda stifled a laugh when she noticed how red Carisi’s ears had gotten. The two of them couldn’t look at each other the whole time moans and sighs were coming from inside that trailer. 

Liv looked pained. 

Fin looked bored. 

Rollins and Carisi…..well they both tried to tune it out. Amanda was absolutely not thinking about the ways Carisi made her scream out his name, or grip the sheets tight. Or the way he lost control when she had her mouth around him. Maybe she’d let him drive back to the city…..no that wasn’t the best idea. He couldn’t concentrate when her hand was on him, if she gave him a blowjob, especially a surprise one, he was definitely going to crash the car. She could just see explaining that to Benson….

              >----------------<

The first time Amanda felt it…that something was….off with her had been in the MEs office after they found Rachel Groves. She felt completely nauseated talking to Dr. Rudnick as he examined the body. She’d never gotten that way in the morgue before. Looking back, she wondered if maybe she had some sort of sixth sense about him. This whole case made her sick to her stomach. Like Dr. Warner said, they were going to have to go back and check so many cases if Dr. Rudnick really was a killer. 

                >-------------------<

Carisi sat in on Rudnick’s arraignment. Rollins didn’t show up until the tail end of it. Sonny saw her enter the courtroom, and she did a sweep until they settled on him. He moved over on the bench to make room for her, and it wasn’t until after they took Rudnick back to be processed that he noticed it. She had plenty of room on the other side, but she hadn’t left an inch of space between them. Her thighs, her hips, her shoulder…..all touching him. Despite the grisly details of this case, he couldn’t help the warm feeling that washed over him when she was this close, closer than he’d even seen her get to Nick. Even as Amanda watched Barba argue the merits of keeping Rudnick in custody, all Sonny could think about was how it had been almost a whole week since they…...he cleared his throat, ignoring the questioning glance of his partner. Not a good idea to evoke those images and feelings in the middle of court. 

                  >------------------------<

The first time Carisi really noticed something wasn’t right with Rollins, they were on the beach at Fort Tilden. Waiting for more body parts to wash up on shore. Dr. Rudnick had been released on bail and apparently, he’d murdered Suzie Frain, they were sure of it. 

While Benson was back trying to search Rudnicks home, Rollins and Carisi were with the crime scene techs confirming Suzy’s cause of death. Suddenly Amanda covered her mouth, and stumbled past the NYPD tent. 

“You guys got this right”? Carisi asked them, noticing how truly pale she’d gotten. Concern for his partner washed over his face and he took a few steps towards her. 

“Yea…..Gimme one second”. Rollins ran and hung onto the side of the tent before actually throwing up into the sand on the other side. Carisi was shocked. He’d stood next to her during some pretty damn gruesome autopsies and she never even batted an eye. Just put the Vicks under her nose and kept on going. 

“Whoa, easy”. He stepped closer when she stood up. “You alright”. He tried to reach out for her arm, but she backed away. 

“Yea”. She wiped her lips, the wind blowing her hair all over. “Yea, I’m fine”. 

He saw her take a deep breath of fresh air and finally meet his worried eyes. 

“I am gonna drive us back……okay”? She turned away. He’d driven them here because she was tired and couldn’t even find her keys at the station.  

Before he’d gotten in the car with her, Carisi saw a vending machine. 

“I’ll be right there”. He jogged over, pulling a dollar out of his wallet. No ginger ale, but they did have a Sprite. Maybe that would help settle her stomach. Something nagged at the back of his mind, a thought he didn’t wanna have so he refused to let it come to fruition. 

“Here, drink this”. He handed her the icy cold can of Sprite as he settled into the passenger seat, letting it roll back a little to accommodate his taller frame. 

Amanda popped the top and took a long drink from the can. 

“Thank you”. Her voice was quiet and she finally dared to look over at him. Carisi knew Rollins long enough to know she didn’t like showing weakness……but in this car, when it was just the two of them….she let him in. Just a little. 

“I could come over tonight….make you some……soup”. Maybe all she needed was a good meal. 

Rollins smirked. “Is that code for something….soup”? She took another drink from the Sprite. 

“No it is not”. He lowered his voice, not that anyone could hear them in the car. “I really could just come over and make you some chicken noodle or something…..that’s all”. 

She looked at him with wonderment in her eyes. 

“You really mean that, don't you. You’d make me soup and just go home after….if that’s what I…If I didn’t want to”.......

“Amanda, I don’t expect anything from you…..I don’t have an agenda. I just like spending time with you. But if you don’t feel up to it”....

“Soup sounds…..actually that would be nice”. 

Amidst all this carnage, it was pretty fucking delightful to have something to look forward to. 

        >------------------<

The next few days were filled trying to track Dr. Rudnick down. Carisi was now hyper focused on whatever was going on with Rollns. Ever since the beach he’d watched her carefully and she certainly was acting a little different. 

They were sent uptown to an apartment that was likely rented by Rudnick under one of his many aliases. On the way to the car he kept having to stop and wait for her to catch up. That wasn’t like her at all to lag behind. When they got outside he turned back to see she wasn’t keeping up again. Something was definitely up with her. She’d fallen asleep on the couch the other night before he’d even finished making dinner.  

“Hey…..are you alright”? 

“Why wouldn’t I be”?

“I don’t know….usually you’re two steps ahead a me, and I never seen you queasy at a crime scene before”. 

Amanda grabbed the car keys from his hand. 

“I had a…..bad bagel yesterday”. She shrugged it off. “I’m totally fine”. 

He turned away so she wouldn’t see the look on his face. He wasn’t buying it, and now he was really starting to worry. It was put on the backburner again when they found the spot where Rudnick likely murdered Suzy Frain. CSI was all over the apartment when Carisi got a text from Benson. Another one of Rudnick’s aliases just got picked up in Syracuse for shoplifting. Looking at the mugshot, it was definitely him. For sure Rudnick was moving north and Benson wanted them to go pick him up before he made it into Canada and was gone forever. Carisi called her and she’d already booked the two of them on a flight. She told him unies were rushing their ‘go bags’ to the airport. A bag every detective had in their locker with some essentials to last a one to two night trip out of town. 

“Hey, you up for a flight”? He called to Rollins, who was on the floor with one of the techs peeling up the vinyl tiles exposing blood and cut marks. 

“No, not really”. 

“Tough luck, our plane leaves in 40 minutes”. 

The flight from JFK to Syracuse was short, but in that time, Rollins managed to fall asleep on his shoulder. Carisi had to fight the urge to put his arm around her. 

He was definitely in trouble. Falling deeper with each day he spent with this woman. He thought back to the conversation he had with his sister Theresa the other night. She’d been yelling at Mia while she was on the phone with him. Told her she didn’t go through months of morning sickness and hours of labor to be treated this way……As soon as she said those words. It hit Carisi. Morning sickness. Except it wasn’t hitting Rollins in the morning. It seemed to be in the afternoon for her. He couldn't’ be sure….and he certainly didn’t think she knew…and maybe he was wrong…..

Amanda was overly aggravated by the cops in Syracuse and in a bad mood the whole drive from there to Buffalo. 

Carisi tried to lift her spirits on the ride up, but she was quiet. He told the Buffalo cops to call her Sunny. Sunny Rollins…hoping to bring a smile to her face. Nothing worked.

Once they had Rudnick in custody, they had to find a motel for the night, he’d be released in the morning and they rented a car so they could drive him back. Too much paperwork involved with transporting a fugitive by air and they didn’t have time for all that red tape.  

They found a motel close to the precinct, stopped for fast food and brought it back to eat on the table in Carisi’s room as they talked about the logistics of getting Rudnick back to New York City. 

Rollins said she was going to bed early and left him alone with his thoughts. It wasn’t even ten but it had been a long day. Carisi showered, changed into the sweats he had in his go bag and settled into bed to watch some Sportscenter for a while. Hopefully it would lull him to sleep. 

           >----------------<

Rollins came back to her room and showered, trying to wash this day, and her bad mood off. She realized she’d apparently put on a few pounds and made a resolution to go to the gym more as she stepped out of the shower. 

In fact, it just registered that she hadn’t even been running lately. What was wrong with her?

She was running twice a day a few weeks ago. Now she couldn’t even remember the last time.

She dressed for bed, a tank top and some lounge pants and tried to fall asleep. Instead she tossed and turned. She couldn’t put her finger on what was wrong. Huffing an exasperated breath she tried again, repositioning her pillows. She thought back to the last time she’d really had a good night’s sleep……ohhhhh. 

She could hear the TV through the motel’s thin walls…..he was still up. Before she knew it, she was standing outside his motel room door. She should’ve texted him first, this was dumb. She wasn’t even sure what she was doing. Did she want sex? Just want him to hold her? All of the sudden she felt like crying. This was a bad idea. She turned to go back to her room….but she couldn’t. The thought of that empty bed……She knocked quickly before she had a chance to change her mind. 

The sound on the TV shut off, but she could see by the light of the window that it was still on. 

She was about to leave again when his door cracked open. 

“Rollins”? He furrowed his brow looking behind her. “You alright”? 

She felt so exposed and wrapped her arms around herself. 

“No…..I don’t know”....she bit her lip and met his eyes. 

“Come on, come in”. He stepped out, pushing his door open and with his hand on the small of her back, led her inside. 

She sat down on his bed, and shivered. He had his AC set far lower than she did. Carisi got the sweat jacket from his bag to wrap around her shoulders. 

“What is it….what can I do” He asked, sitting beside her, gently rubbing circles against her back. 

“I can’t sleep. Haven’t been sleeping for days….maybe longer”.

“Really? You slept like a rock when we….after we”....Carisi turned red and looked away from her. 

Dammit that was endearing. He actually blushed. That made her smile. 

“Yea…I did. Maybe that’s why I…..I don’t mean…..just….can we”? She motioned to the head of the bed. 

“Of course”. His voice was almost a whisper. 

He seemed to understand what she was asking and stood up. Moving the pillows around to make an extra space for her. She stood and walked around to the other side of the bed and hesitated. 

“Manda”, he started. Butterflies fluttered when he called her that. It was like a little nickname, and if anyone else had, she probably would rip into them. But when he did it……

“We can just sleep. I meant it, I’m here for you, whatever you need”. 

She nodded and they both climbed into his bed. 

The sheets were soft and cool, and she scooted over to where he waited with one arm open to her. She relaxed against his chest and Sonny’s arm draped around her. It did make her feel safe. 

“Does the TV bother you? I can shut it off”. 

Amanda just shook her head, nuzzling against him, “It’s fine”. This close to him, his warmth, his scent…  it took her straight back to their night together. He turned the volume back on low and she closed her eyes and tried to let sleep come. But she was still restless. Amanda shifted a few times, then exhaled dramatically. 

“Still can’t sleep”? He bent his head down, his hand gently running through her hair. 

“No”.  

“Want me to turn off the TV”? 

“No”. 

“Drink of water”? 

“No”. 

He was silent for a few minutes and she tried again to close her eyes. It wasn’t working. 

Sonny ran his fingers through her hair, then with the lightest of touches, his fingertips moved down her neck, to her shoulder, all the way down her arm to her fingertips and slowly back up to tangle in her hair. 

If he meant it to be comforting, it had the opposite effect. Her heart rate sped up, and she shifted again, her frustration with her inability to fall asleep turning to a different kind. That now familiar ache…the need to have him….touch her….it was impossible to ignore.  

“Do you trust me”? He asked her. His hand still followed slowly all the way down and back up her arm, giving her goosebumps. 

She nodded, and started to lift herself to straddle him, but he pushed her gently back so she was no longer curled against him, but lying on her back. 

“No, right now….this is all about you….Gotta make sure you get some sleep….I got you”. 

He lifted the sheets, disappearing under them. 

Amanda smiled, thinking she was in for a repeat of last weekend, she reached her arms above her head, stretching her body, expecting him to kiss his way slowly down and - 

She gasped. With no preamble, he had tugged the cotton pants and her panties down and his mouth was on her. His tongue, licking through her folds, while he hummed his approval at how wet she already was for him. He pressed her thighs apart, settling between them, his tongue delved into her center and she whimpered. He was teasing her just a little, then he replaced his tongue with one then two fingers inside her and she moaned. 

“Carisi….please….more”....she whimpered, her hips in motion, fucking his fingers and needing him to - 

“Ohhhhhhhhhh fuuuuuk”! She moaned, both hands reaching down to hold him to her when he finally began working her clit, sucking and licking her overly sensitive bundle of nerves while his fingers penetrated her over and over. Her hips gyrated, she gripped his hair tightly,  and moaned all sorts of things as her walls spasmed and fluttered around him. 

“Right….there…..fuck…..Carisi….Sonny” !

A fleeting thought that she might suffocate him popped into her brain, but the first flutter of her impending orgasm made that thought disappear and she continued grinding against him, building and building towards that sweet crescendo she now knew was exactly what she needed….what only he could give her. 

“Fuck me….YES……don’t…..stop….don’t stop”.....she was losing her grip on everything when she was on the verge…perched on the very edge of it, just a few more seconds and he’d have her there…..

“Sonnnnnyyy! Don’t…stop…...I’m gonna….I’m coming!! YESSSS”!! 

Her walls, her muscles, everything spasmed around him, and he prolonged the orgasm sucking gently as the waves washed over her again and again until he had her entire body quivering. Amanda recognized how hard her heels were digging into his back, she was gripping his hair so tight it had to hurt him. She’d been holding her breath and finally drew air into her lungs when she started coming back down to earth. 

Panting, her body starting to relax, she let go of his hair. Instead of coming up for air, his mouth was still on her, his tongue replacing his fingers, delving into her, fucking her again and this time it was Sonny’s moans she could hear instead of her own. Amanda realized he was jerking off under the sheets and before she could even start to move and do for him what he’d just done for her, she felt him go rigid and he came in quick spurts across her leg. 

Finally he crawled out from under the sheets and in the flickering light of the tv, she could see his face wet with her arousal, his hair my God, it had a life of its own. Sticking up….all over in a way she’d never seen before. She swore she could see exactly where she’d grabbed him. 

She was still out of breath. “Sonny….that was”......she could barely talk. “But you didn’t have to…next time you gotta let me”....She reached for him, palming him through the boxer briefs he’d just pulled back up.  

He grinned sheepishly. “Nah, tonight was all about you……Amanda”. He left and disappeared into the bathroom for a few minutes, bringing back a warm wet washcloth to clean them both up with. 

He sat up to the head of the bed and he held his arms out to her. 

“Next time huh”. He whispered, still a little out of breath himself. “That mean you…..you wanna do this again”? 

Amanda crawled to him on her hands and knees. He looked so fucking adorable right now, she couldn’t help herself and nuzzled her nose to his before pressing a kiss to his lips. His hand reached up to tangle in her hair. 

They’d had sex, but this whole time, kissing was kept to…..a minimum. Too intimate for her to handle. But right now…..she wanted to kiss him. Wanted him to kiss her back. With barely there suction, she sucked on his lower lip, her tongue caressing him slowly. She could feel him smiling against her mouth, and he parted his lips, granting her the access she wanted.  Tongues tentatively tasting, then sliding and rolling against each other until they were both breathless. She snuggled back into her place at his side. This time throwing a leg possessively over him, tracing the collar of his t-shirt with her fingers then resting her arm across his chest. She yawned. 

“First of all…..I don’t know if you could tell or not last time. But it’s still about me when I’m….. taking care of you”.....She felt waves of a different kind sweeping over her. The way you felt tired after a day at the beach….or after someone made you come so hard you lost yourself for a few minutes. Like every nerve ending in her body was curling up and settling in for the night. 

He kissed the top of her head and thought back to that morning…... “I uh. I do remember that. It was hot. Seeing you turned on like that while you…it was”....he paused……… “And second”?

But she was already asleep. Didn’t get a chance to tell him yes. She wanted to do this again. And again. 

                 >--------------------<

“We aren’t actually going to drive all the way back to Manhattan are we”? 

They’d only been in the car with Rudnick for twenty minutes. 

“Shut up”! Carisi could see Rollins was getting annoyed with all of Rudnick's complaints. He’d hoped last night…..release… would make her a little calmer today. But this guy was just pushing all her buttons. 

“You took the bus up here anyway, right”? Rollins scolded him from the driver’s seat. 

“Yessss well I was traveling incognitowww”. Rudnick piped up from the back. 

“Yea, hey what were you thinkin anyway? Skippin out on a 2 million dollar bail”? Carisi turned back to see Rudnick’s face when he answered. 

He looked….incredulous. 

“What were they thinking? They charged me with two murders then let me go? Who wouldn’t run”?

Benson called to let them know they’d found Rudnick’s car, she wanted them to take their time and get back to the city in one piece after Carisi mentioned with Rollins at the wheel they might get a ticket.  

After a few hours they stopped at a diner to eat breakfast. It reminded Carisi of the place near the precinct. The place he’d started to think of as their place. 

After they ordered, Rollins excused herself and left Carisi with Rudnick. The waitress brought coffee for Rollins and Carisi, and tea for Dr. Rudnick. 

“She’s a moody one”. Rudnick nodded in Rollins’ direction. 

“Yea, she gets that way chasin’ serial killers across the state”. 

Without thinking, Carisi added two creamers and a sugar to Rollins' empty coffee cup then poured his own. 

“What”? He noticed the arched eyebrow from the disgraced medical examiner. 

“Nothing. You seem to know her……very well”. Rudnick sipped his tea. 

“We’re partners”. 

“Mmmhmmm”. 

“What’s that mean”? Carisi was getting defensive. He thought he’d done a pretty good job of hiding….whatever it was he and Rollins were doing here.  

“It’s obvious you like her”. Rudnick sipped his tea again. “She likes you too, you know”. 

Carisi tried not to let on that his heart began to beat faster….stronger. This guy was a serial killer, why would he listen to anything he had to say. 

“Detective Rollins……I sense…..she seems like she’s dealt with a lot of…..pain in her past. You’ll need to tread lightly there”. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”. He wasn’t very convincing. Rudnick scoffed at him. 

“It makes no difference to me. Just an observation. In life, you must have some kind of distraction from the mundane. A young man like yourself, working at SVU. That has to be depressing”. 

“You work in a morgue”. Carisi couldn’t believe this guy…..

“I find peace in that. I bring closure to people”. 

“Yea. When you’re not….killing them”. 

Rollins walked up, gently touching, running her hand along Carisi’s back to let him know she’d returned. He stood up and let her have her seat back. The inside seat in the booth. Unlike her. Usually Rollins wanted the end. When he was helping Rudnick into his seat, she scooted all the way over to the wall and let Carisi sit on the outside. When he sat back down, he tried to leave her some room, but she closed the distance between them. Pressing her thigh against his as they ate. They sat that way until he had to get up and take Rudnick to the restroom. He noticed how ravenous she was, cleaning her entire plate then asking if he was going to finish his bacon. She’d been unable to keep anything down just a few days earlier. That same knowledge in the back of his mind tried to form a thought, and he suppressed it. 

                 >---------------<

The next morning Carisi woke up in his bed alone. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes. She had spent the night last night……he wasn’t imagining that. He could still see how the sheets were all rumpled on her side of the bed. Rather than get up, he turned and moved so his head was on her pillow. Her perfume lingered all around him here. Making him want her. Making him wish she hadn’t had to leave early so she could drive up to Greenhaven. He probably wasn't going to see her again today. He was heading to 1 Hogan Place to run some things for Barba and after visiting Yates, Rollins was meeting Fin to get some updates from Warner. 

Unless he texted her….or called her….told her he wanted her……here. Or he wanted to go to her place. But one thing Rudnick was right about….Rollins had been hurt before. Sonny didn’t wanna overwhelm her. 

                >-----------------<

A different scent…..how far along was she…..Yates was ridiculous and gross. Smelling the pregnancy on her?? First of all, ew. Second, she was not pregnant. Even as Rollins stood in line at the pharmacy, holding three pregnancy tests….she was trying to convince herself it wasn’t true. There was no way……well…..there was a way, but the odds….. 

Tears filled her eyes in the car on her way home. She had just let her guard down….just started this….whatever it was with Carisi. This morning she’d woken up…. happy . In his arms, she’d found a solace that she’d never been able to find before. Not in all her psychology books, not in yoga, not after seeing a department shrink…..he made her feel happy and safe and……if she was pregnant….that was….all over. She’d always thought she couldn’t handle being with the nice guy. Maybe this was life’s way of saying…..she just didn't deserve one. 

              >----------------<

The next morning Amanda sat in her bathroom with two new tests. She’d taken one last night, and convinced herself that it could just be a false positive. She’d wake up, test it first thing in the morning….and it would be negative. But she had barely slept a wink. She tossed and turned. Sometime around 2 am she remembered Carisi’s jacket that had ended up in her bag after their second trip to Buffalo and pulled it out of her laundry. She wrapped herself up in it and went back to bed. Needing to feel close to him. She even took her phone out. Considered texting him….asking him to come over. He’d do it. If she asked. She was sure of it.

With three positive pregnancy tests in front of her, she also knew that she was….. keeping this baby. She couldn’t believe it but that one incredibly stupid and….quick…mistake with her former lieutenant ended like this. She didn’t need him, could do this on her own, and frankly, she had no idea where Declan Murphy was. Somewhere in Eastern Europe?

Amanda smiled. She was going to be a mom . And she was gonna do everything different from her own mother. Except…having this baby meant…..things with Carisi….that was over. There was no way he’d wanna be with her now. But Sonny was too good a man to tell her that. Hell, she could just see him offering to marry her, not because she needed a husband, but so he could be there to help her. 

She was going to have to be the strong one here. Save him from her messy messy life.

Chapter Text

Rollins stood in front of the vending machine. Queasy….again. She wasn’t sure if it was the baby, or the thought of telling Carisi that she was pregnant that was making her stomach turn. She heard the door open behind her…somehow she just knew it was him. He’d probably been looking for her. 

They hadn’t seen each other since…..well since she’d spent the night in his bed. Never had she been with anyone who made her feel the things he did. And it wasn’t just the sex. Although, my God he was in a league of his own there. Her body was still sore, in all the best ways. His marks finally fading from her skin. 

On his kitchen table, where he’d lifted her, ripping her pants off and burying his face between her thighs, that wicked fucking tongue of his quickly getting her going until he had to cover her mouth with his hand she was moaning so loud. 

“My neighbors”. He panted out then back to the task at hand.

She whimpered into his hand, coming all over his face. 

Then to his shower, where he fucked her up against the cold tile so hard she had the square marks embedded in her back for hours. Two more orgasms in there…..They tumbled into bed, exhausted, for a few hours of sleep.

She woke up first, lying next to him around 2 am. How had she not had enough of him? My God they were at it for hours….. Looking at his face while he slept…..he was….a beautiful man. He stirred a little, probably sensing she was watching him. She brought his hand between her legs to feel how much she wanted him… again. That woke him up, moaning her name, and he sprang up, hard as granite. She went down on him, sucking him off while his hand, his fingers worked her up into a frenzy. 

 
“I need…..Manda…..I need to be inside you”. He pulled her up, rolling them so she was on top, and she was already soaking wet, so in one quick move he was sheathed deep inside her. She tossed her head back, trying to be quiet and her hips began to move. She rode him and he bucked up into her.

Building a rhythm that started slow. With each gyration of her body, he was hitting her just right. She bent down and covered his mouth with hers, kissing him deeply….dirty….moaning into his mouth when he palmed her breasts and teased her nipples into points. Faster and faster they moved, she broke the kiss and leaned back again. She opened her eyes. He was watching her, and she saw it in his eyes at that moment.

This definitely wasn’t just sex…..he…..that was….Amanda Rollins knew nothing about it. Never had it before, but she was quite sure that’s what she was seeing. Pure unadulterated love in his eyes. For her !  She’d never seen anyone look at her like that. 

“I wanna see you…..come for me Manda”. 

He didn’t even need to touch her, she pulsed and quaked around him, hands planted on his chest as she rode out the orgasm with him. He thrusted erratically, spilling himself inside her as they came together. 

When she’d left him a few hours later, he was still sleeping, and the light was starting to peek through the shades in his room. She wished she could’ve stayed right there next to him. If she hadn’t gone to see Yates….maybe she would’ve had a few more weeks with Sonny before she had to give him up.  

      >-----------------<

“Hey…..missed you in court”. He walked up beside her, she could see the concern on his face out of the corner of her eye. 

“Yea”. How was she going to tell him……

“Hey, you look green. Have a ginger ale”. Carisi pressed the button for her. 

“I’m good”. She waved him off and bent down to get the soda. If he only knew. 

“So have you told anybody yet”?

Amanda turned to him in shock. Words wouldn’t come for a few seconds. 

“Nope”. He knew. He knew. She wasn’t going to have to tell him, because he somehow already knew. What was she gonna say….how much should she tell him right here in the break room? 

“I just found out”……His face. God Dammit. She wanted to take three steps and wrap her arms around him. She wanted him to hold her. Wanted him to tell her ‘I got you’.....tell her it was all going to be okay……Wanted to tell him this didn’t have to be the end of them…did it? Like a deer in headlights. That’s how she felt, and she couldn’t say or do….any of that. 

“And not that it’s any of your business…you know….it’s not Nick’s”. She couldn’t look at him anymore. She’d been so sure he was in love with her just twelve hours ago and that she might actually……love him…..and she knew she’d just crushed him. Here she was….pregnant with some other man’s baby. 

“Okay”. Was all he said. He watched her. She could feel that. “What’re you gonna do”. His voice sounded small. She knew what he was asking. What was she gonna do about the baby, but also….what was she gonna do about them ?

“I’m not gonna do anything”. She dared to look back at him. 

“Well….you might wanna tell the sarge”. He shrugged.

She opened the door to leave. 

“Amanda”. He called her. 

“I’m here….if you need anything”. 

She nodded, just like she thought. He’d still try to be here for her, even if he didn’t really want her anymore. She turned and walked out. 

            >----------------<

They had Rudick’s trial to deal with, but all Carisi thought about was Amanda. She’d given him the cold shoulder all week. He wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t wanna crowd her….but he needed her to know how he felt. A baby….that didn’t change anything. He’d been thrown at first, when he really let himself believe what he was seeing. 

This….wasn’t something he saw for himself when he was a younger man. But pregnant or not, Amanda Rollins…..she was…it for him. She was perfect. And a baby didn’t change that. That baby would be part Amanda….how could he not love it? 

Benson was testifying first. That left just Rollins and Caris alone in the holding room. Alone for the first time since they had that talk. She was reading a book…..he was pacing. 

“Are you…..ya doin okay”? He asked. He didn’t know what else to say. 

“I’m good”. She nibbled on the crackers she’d brought with her. 

“Cuz we haven’t really talked since”.......he sat down in a chair across from her. 

“There’s not much to say…..now”. She didn’t look at him, but she closed her book. 

“I miss you”. He went with the truth. 

“Carisi”. She rolled her eyes. 

“What? I do, Amanda”. 

“You don’t have to….pretend. I get it. Don’t worry about me. We’re still partners….still friends”. 

“What”? He was confused. 

She rolled her eyes. “I’m pregnant”. She finally looked at him. 

“And….are ya……are ya happy about that”? He’d asked her what she was gonna do, but he was kind of assuming from the way she’d been acting….that she was keeping it. 

Amanda’s hand went to her still mostly flat belly. 

“I’m gonna…..I’m keeping it….if that’s what you mean”. 

He smiled. “You’re gonna have a baby”. 

She laughed. “Yea. I guess I am”. 

“Back to what I said……I miss you”. 

“Carisi. Don’t”. Her smile faded. 

“It’s true. And I don’t know what’s happening. It’s like a switch flipped. You don’t talk to me, you’re not textin’ me”. 

“Because I’m pregnant. Come on, Carisi. This changes…..everything….whatever we……I don’t even know what that was….what we were….but now it’s”.....

“Is it because of…….the baby’s dad”.....he didn’t want it to be true. Desperately hoped it wasn’t that she was with someone else. But Carisi knew that if he’d gotten a woman pregnant, he would’ve been there for her. Married her, or just supported her however she needed. Was that what was happening here? 

Amanda dropped back against the back of the sofa and gave a sarcastic laugh. 

“Uh. This baby’s father? No. He’s….he’s not in the picture. Won’t be in the picture. At all. A one time thing….we both regretted it….I don’t even know how I’d get in touch with him if I wanted to”. 

Carisi breathed a guilty sigh of relief. Not that he wanted Amanda to be in this alone…..but because he wanted to be in this with her. He stood up and crossed to sit next to her. He hadn’t been this close to her since…..that last night. He was drawn to her, nothing changed knowing she was pregnant. Nothing. 

He waited for her to look at him again. 

“I. Miss. You”. He reached for her hand but she pulled it away. 

“Stop saying that”. Now she got up to pace. “You can’t feel the same way. Not now”. 

He stood up too, stepped in front of her. This time she let him take her hand, but then the bailiff came down to get Carisi to testify. 

               >-------------------<

It was late, Rollins and Carisi both volunteered to work overtime and go through all the tapes to try and see if they could catch Rudnick in a confession of some kind. 

It was a way for Sonny to be near her, although the nature of their work kept them from talking. But it didn’t stop him from watching her over the desk. God she was beautiful. Practically glowing.

The hours of work finally paid off. They’d found the one thing that was probably going to be the nail in Rudnick’s coffin. Rollins called Liv and Carisi called Barba. They’d meet in the judge’s chambers tomorrow, but this was it. The case was over. Rudnick confessing he’d murdered those women on tape……

Chapter Text

“It’s late….you look tired….why don’t you let me drive you home….Leave your truck here……I can pick you up on the way in too”. 

Amanda blew out a breath. She was tired. They’d been working non stop since yesterday, it was almost midnight…..Carisi was just being nice but the idea of not having to drive right now sounded really good to her. 

“Okay. Deal”. 

“I can stop at that all night Chinese place you love”. 

Before she could stop herself, her eyes lit up at the thought of Moo Shu Chicken. 

He laughed. “Okay, that’s a yes”. 

“Carisi…you don’t hafta”....but he was already holding a hand up to stop her from saying more. 

They didn’t get to finish their conversation before court. The one where she gets him to admit he doesn’t wanna be with her anymore. That as much fun as that was…it was over now. But when he said he missed her……what she truly wanted to say was ‘I miss you too’. 

She waited in his SUV while he ran in to pick up their order. Amanda had a flash of what a life with Dominick Carisi might really be like as she watched him. She could just see him volunteering to run out at 2 am to pick up her latest pregnancy craving…..walking Frannie when her feet were too sore at the end of the day…..Letting her curl up and sleep nestled against him…..how he’d be the one who’d put together all the baby furniture…..

He jumped back in the truck, passing the bag of food over for her to hold. 

“That smells really good”. She squeaked out through tears. 

“Manda”.....he stopped putting his seat belt on. When his voice went all soft like that….it went straight to her heart. 

“I’m fine”. She brushed the tears off her cheeks and turned to look at him. He was giving her that same look he had the other night. How could he still look at her that way? 

“Food’s getting cold”. She sniffled and managed to smile. 

Carisi took Frannie out and Amanda took a quick shower, and they ate on her sofa, some reality show playing neither one of them was paying attention to. 

“I told Liv yesterday”. Amanda said, putting her empty plate down. 

“You did”? Carisi’s eyebrows raised up. “How’d that go”. 

“She told me how hard it was being a single mom…..she also said she was happy for me….and that we could wait to tell the brass until later”. 

Carisi nodded, and Amanda could tell he was holding back. 

“What”? 

“You don’t have to be”. 

“Have to be what”? 

“Single”. 

“Carisi”, Amanda shook her head. Why wouldn’t he just admit that he didn’t want her anymore. Was he as bad as Amaro, needing to play the hero?? 

“I’m not askin’ you to marry me or anything, Rollins”. He grinned and she couldn’t help but laugh. 

His look slowly turned serious. 

“I meant what I said. I miss you….and….this….you bein’ pregnant…you need ta know….that doesn’t change anything for me”. 

Amanda was still shaking her head at him. 

“Amanda Rollins….I’m…..I wanna be with you. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. I think I’m”- 

“Don’t”. Amanda whispered. She couldn’t handle hearing him say it. “You don’t mean it”. 

“I do…I don’t even think it. I know it….I’m in love with you”. 

She covered her mouth trying to hold back the sob and her eyes shut. No one had ever said that to her before. Ever. 

Carisi pulled her hand away and waited for her to open her eyes. 

“Now, if you don’t….if you don’t feel the same way…..if you don’t want”....he held her hand and scooted closer to her, his other hand brushing the tears away. 

“If you don’t want this….us…..that’s different. But I need you to know the truth. I love you. I love all of you. I love this baby you have growing inside you”. He pressed his hand to her belly, and she covered it with hers. 

This was really happening. When he looked at her like that, she believed what he was saying. 

Amanda could feel his love. Like a warm blanket, it surrounded her. Gave her the strength to say what she really felt. 

“Carisi…..Sonny…..I didn’t know what it at first. Because I’ve never felt… that before…and…..I’m in love with you too”. The rush of butterflies in her belly when he kissed her this time was so powerful it made her giggle.

She deepened the kiss, sliding over until she was in his lap, straddling him. She rocked herself against his growing erection until he lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her back to her bedroom. 

Sonny worshiped her, covering every inch of her body in kisses. Just like in a dream she’d once had. Then, he worked his way back up to her mouth, whispering “I love you, Amanda” before he took her top lip between his, sweeping his tongue across, then the same with her bottom lip, then nuzzled against her and she parted her lips giving him permission and she groaned when she could finally taste him again. Amanda clung to him, in a dreamlike state, holding him between her legs feeling perfectly warm and happy and almost weightless in his arms. 

Lips, hands, tongues, they were aching for the other’s touch for what seemed like months….even though it had only been a few days. Amanda couldn’t get enough of him. Maybe she never would, he knew exactly how to touch her. Her body. Her heart. She craved him. 

She broke the kiss long enough to look into his eyes and tell him “I love you” just as he pushed into her slick wet heat. They took their time. Deep slow thrusts, his cock slid in and out of her while Sonny sucked a bruise at her pulse point, then slowly kissed a line to her breast, sucking there had her panting and ready. His movements quickened as he got closer. 

Just as he erupted into her, he brought a hand between them, circling her clit, and Amanda wrapped her legs around him, walls spasming and pulsing with orgasmic bliss. 

He rolled them so he wouldn’t crush her, and they lay side by side. He wiped the sweat from her brow, brushing her hair back gently. 

“So how is this gonna work….exactly”? She asked him. 

“How’s what gonna work”? He kissed the tip of her nose, then her lips, softly. 

“You….me…us”. She motioned between them. “This”. 

“Well”, he propped his elbow on the pillow, holding his head up. “You know eventually they’re gonna put you on desk duty. Right about the time I’ll be taking the Bar”. 

Amanda mirrored him, propping her head up too. 

“So….you’re really gonna do that? Leave the force….become a lawyer”? 

“I was talkin’ to Barba about maybe shadowing him a bit first before I-. 

“ADA”? She nodded her approval. 

“I figure that’s when we can tell Benson. I’ll stay long enough for you to get through maternity leave, maybe hire my replacement…make sure he or she is up to snuff to watch your back”. 

“You’ve got it all figured out huh”? She caressed his face, across his shoulder, down his arm, until she held his hand up, kissing his palm. 

“Not everything”. He moved his hand to her belly. Without clothes to cover it, you could see the very beginning of her baby bump. His eyes trailed back to hers, the question he wasn’t saying out loud, the one she couldn’t believe he wanted an answer to. 

“You think you’d want to….I mean would you be ready to be”......she was having trouble saying it too. Didn’t want to speak for him. They were tiptoeing around what they both knew they wanted. 

“If that’s not somethin’ you want….or if you think it’s too soon…I get it….but Amanda…..I’m takin’ this seriously. If you want me to just be….Uncle Sonny to this baby…..I can do that. But I love you….and I’ll love this baby if you let me…..I would be”.....

“Daddy”? She asked, unsure if her heart could take any more happiness right now, but here they were. 

“Daddy”. He grinned, and ducked his head down to place a kiss on her belly. 

               >---------------------<

After a completely normal stress free pregnancy, Amanda Rollins and Sonny Carisi had a daughter. Jesse Rollins. Carisi stayed at SVU a bit longer than planned, making sure Olivia wasn’t short staffed before he left. He would work directly with Barba for a few years, until Barba left the DAs office to pursue politics. Amanda would get her gold star and be promoted to sergeant right before she got pregnant with Billie, their second baby girl. She was instrumental in shutting down a sex trafficking ring that caught up some prominent people in New York, including one respected cardiologist. Their strip club rapist case did go to trial, and Daisy testified with Amanda’s support.  

While Declan Murphy did show up to ask if the baby was his, Amanda told him she would answer that question if he really wanted her to. But she was with a man who knew he wasn’t her baby’s biological father, but he was going to be her baby’s dad ….that’s all Declan needed to hear and he never tried to pursue a relationship with Jesse. They had their third baby, a boy, Dominick the third when Dominick Carisi Jr became the Executive ADA, one step below the District Attorney himself. A position that put him in a more supervisory role, only handling the most prominent cases. It paid a lot more, and allowed him more time to spend with his growing family, who he absolutely adored, and allowed Amanda to go back to school to work on her doctorate. 

Amanda Rollins and Dominick Carisi never do get enough of each other. They are passionately into their eighth year of marriage and still look at each other with all the intensity, affection, and desire as they did when they first got together.

In the end, Amanda Rollins might not have gotten a fairytale prince, but Dominick Carisi was perfect for her. And as he told her countless times, she was the only woman in the world for him and neither one of them was ever lonely again.