Chapter Text
Hanbin runs around the event building.
Desperately opening every available door of every room, practice room, cafeteria, restroom, staff room, looking for something. Not something. Someone.
After the award show, they had a rule to always go back to the dorm in pairs, groups or trios. But one of them wasn't there at the zb1 waiting room. They weren't texting, and wasn't answering calls. They feared the worst.
And then they'd received the message on their phones from their shared gps tracker that jiwoong had reached a hotel building 20 minutes away, the members didn't spare a second in going there.
It sucked to have to pretend they were fine in front of the cameras, just zb1 going home. How they wished they could just run to the nearest taxi or motorcycle and dash over.
Gunwook was rattled.
Jiwoong was the one who suggested the gps tracker due to his old history in his previous groups. The only time they'd ever had an emergency before this was when Gunwook followed a "staff member" who told them the venue was moved to the other building and he went to follow them. Not knowing that he was being led astray by an anti.
He felt his heart drum insanely. He bounced his leg nervously.
He remembered how it was his Jiwoong hyung who found him in that empty room. How jiwoong hyung was drenched in sweat, with a ripped performance jacket and a bruised palm from his habit of clenching his fist when agitated.
How he checked all over him, raising his arms, checking his clothes, checking his face, his eyes, asking ever so gently, ever so softly, "Gunwook I'm here, are you okay?"
And the way he had stayed in that empty room still with feigned calmness, and the way he burst into tears at his hyung's question. Yujin found them, hugging, and he called the rest of the members to where they were.
Now, his hyung was in danger. This time, it wasn't just some simple anti. Jiwoong wouldn't fall for such a thing. When they were waiting in the room, a waitress knocked and approached Gyuvin, who was closest to the door, immidiately stating they weren't approaching them as a fan.
But that they saw one of the head members of JIBAL Corporation talk to Jiwoong and hand him a drink. And the staff was informed that zb1 hadn't gone from the event yet, so she got scared rhey were waiting for a member to return, which was the member she saw being handed the drink.
____
Hanbin knocked on every locked staff room, storage room and restroom, repeating the same mantra. "Jiwoong hyung, it's us, ot's me Hanbinnie, are you there? Could you make a sound if you're there?"
After the fifth time, the locked storage room he was currently knocking on suddenly echoed a small sound.
Hanbin immidiately perked up. "Jiwoong hyung, are you there? Please tell me you're there. Please hyung."
A few seconds and a small quiet, "Han..binnie, I'm here. Tha..nk you. I'll meet yo..u late..r."
___
Jiwoong hated dark, he felt the most tense in it. At the same time, dark was the only place he could relax in.
Being with other people in the dark put him in the highest state of alertness. It made him scared, terrified, and he was ready to attack anyone.
But he could only truly sleep well in his room, at his own house, in pitch dark. The one day of the week he relaxes from all the stress. Is when he sleeps in total darkness. His worst enemy, and his kindest friend.
___
"Hyung can we come in? Please."
"I'm fi..ne, n..o nee..d."
"Hyung please. Let us help. Please."
"...o..kay..get....k..ey...fr..om..guar...d"
Hanbin calls the group members, moving a little away. The call starts, everyone popping in quickly with agitated expressions, hopeful, desperate. "Hyung!" Gunwook shouts, (Have you found him?).
Hanbin answers Gunwook's silent question, "I found him. He's in the third floor, anyone closest to the guard house in the first floor go get the key for the storage room next to Room 501."
And Matthew who was closest to rhe guard station ran to get the keys to the storage room Hanbin said.
"Is he okay?" Taerae asks. Ricky clamps his hand over his mouth, his eyes glistening. The members who started running towards rhe third floow slowed down, waiting to hear the answer.
"Y ... No. No he's not. We have to admit it. So he'll admit it too. "
Hanbin hears loud footsteps coming from the staircase. Matthew comes with the key. He tells him to stay behind so as not to overwhelm Jiwoong.
He opens the door slowly.
There he was. Hand clamped on his mouth, other hand digging nails into his palms. He looked desperate not to make a sound, his eyes darting from focused to unfocused. He seemed to look at hanbin, and furrow his brows, then his eyes went unfocused, as if looking at something else, remembering someone else, and his eyes would grow scared.
Hanbin remembers that first expression.
___
"I feel a little ashamed. I don't want to be such a burden." Is what he told his members when he was asked why he didn't inform them of his hospital visit.
His brows had furrowed the same way they did now. Not in an annoyed way, but in a "this isn't how I wanted it to go" kind of gentle way.
The members were a little frustrated at the time, as the only hospital visit they knew their hyung went to was when he got electrocuted by his earpieced during the hot summer performance.
And then they suddenly learn from their manager that Jiwoong had gone on leave for a hospital visit one practice, and that this wasn't even the first time.
His hyung seems to be covering his mouth, so as not to be heard, because he is ashamed of how he is not perfect.
Ricky once told him in a sad whisper, "Jiwoong hyung is ashamed of asking for help. I think...he's also scared of it. I feel like he never asks for it because his calls have never been answered."
___
He feels his heart burn, as if it was being torn into pieces. He feels sorry. He cries.
(Rest of the members trickle in)
Yujin, the gentlest member, timidly clutches jiwoong's picky. He visibly flinches, but seemed to restrain himself from throwing off the hand.
The members know that their hyung is touchy, but tends to flinch at touches he doesnt initiate. He reassures them it just startles him, they keep quiet about how his breath hitches when he flinches.
Hao does not know how to deal with this hyung who always likes to act strong. He kneels in front of the crying boy. He curls into himself, trying to make himself smaller, trying to make himself look less intimidating for the frightened member. God knows how frightened Jiwoong was. And Hao was only human. He only wanted to comfort his kind friend. He holds Jiwoong's other hand. Eyes wide and attentive to the dazed boy in front of them.
Gunwook kneels, scooting close to Jiwoong, hugging his shoulders slightly. "Hyung, thank you for being safe."
Jiwoong's eyes regain a little more conciousness at the hug. Although still dazed and pupils wildly unfocused. He reaches his arms out. The members draw closer to him. He touches their head or faces, silently counting eith each head his fingers touch," on..e two...thr..ee"" all while his eyes look forward.
After slowly counting to eight he used his arms to bundle the ones closest to him, bringing them close, as if protecting them from something.
Like a mother protecting her kids.
Matthew could not help but think, it was more like an eldest child protecting their siblings from a drunk father. For the eldest child was not an adult, they too were weak and helpless, but must act strong for the younger ones, must act brave for the smaller ones.
Matthew wonders who Jiwoong sees in that empty space. What angry father is he protecting them from. Matthew remembers the talk he had with Hanbin after he complains that Jiwoong doesn't always join them in rotating roomates, choosing to sleep by himself sometimes.
___
Zb1 doesn't have permanent roomates. They seem to have not moved on from boys planet dorm mentality, where your roomates constantly change, nothing is permanent. Just sleep with whoever you want to.
"Hyung, it's not fair. He always skips out, Ricky roomed with him yesterday and today was supposed to be with me, but now he says he'll sleep on his own tonight, hmph hmph."
"Ricky said Jiwoong hyung seemed to have awoken from a nightmare last night so maybe that's why he doesn't want to room with anyone today."
"Oh...I see, another nightmare. Hyung....what do you think of Jiwoong hyung whenever he has nightmares? I think he's like a mama bear protecting her little cubs, he likes to hug me tight like he's hiding me."
"I think hyung is pitiful. He...he doesn't look like a mama bear to me. Whenever he has nightmares I just try to stay still when he hugs me, I try to pat his back sometimes but he always flinches (Matthew nods at this) so I feel bad. Yujinnie said he tucks his head under Jiwoong hyung's chin and that seems to work for hyung."
"What does he dream about, what do you think?"
"I think I have a good guess."
"Oh. Is it something from his past groups?"
"Well, there's a reason hyung is so protective of us now isn't he."
___
He wad trembling like a leaf in the wind. Yujin buried his head in Jiwoong's shoulder, hiding his tears. He felt every tremble pass through him. He's always wanted to grow up quicker to be on par with his hyungs. That's why he drank a lot of milk and supplements, and that's why he liked to copy the fashion style of his hyungs. He copies Jiwoong's handwriting, he copies Hao's way of holding himself. He copies Gyuvin's way of speaking, he copies Matthew's protein recipe.
But as Yujin feels the tremble of his most beloved hyung, he steeled his determination and made a new goal. He wanted to grow up quicker so he can protect his hyungs, the same way that they protect him. Yujin wanted to be able to defend his hyungs from anything that scared them.
___
(Another skipeth they at the dorm boiiiii)
Here it is again, his least favorite time of the day, night time. Because Jiwoong loves his members, he really does. But his body does not listen to his brain telling him they are safe. It only knows that in the dark space, there are people. And he can only drift off to sleep tense and waking up to nightmares.
But today, today is a little different.
The place is dark, and there are still people. But his body is a little more relaxed. He feels a little safer. He remembers the gentle hold on his pinky, the circle rubs on his back, the hugs. Maybe in his nightmare tonight, 8 pairs of hands will appear. Hugging him, defending him from his assaulter, and holding his dirty, stained hands.
Backstage shenanigans:
Author: I want angst, I write angst. Very unfinished angst. Anyone want to edit my 10 other fics so I can post them?
Yujin: wow teen feels on you? I can relate mate
Author: yes teen feels thats why i want jiwoong angst so i can project
Gyuvin: that's healthy
Author: i know.
Yujin: I should get therapy
Author: good for you. I just need someone to tell me how to actually stick to my hobby bc i am very mentally stable but my bed just too comfy sometimes
Yujin: sometimes I wonder if Guyvin hyung really loves me
Author: Goddhem boi, u do need therapy. Hope u work it out
Author: imma post this then then go back to my novel SAPAPTGTS. If anyone actually wants to read the entire story, edited and without plot jumps or plot holes then do comment I'm easy to talk to, if u got any suggestions you want me to write do comment as well
Author: TW// SA, REAL STORY, SH. Yes this was inspired by Jiwoong's real life history with the sexual harrasmment in INX and the sexual assault of 6 out of 9 members in his previous group ATEEN. I've seen some real nasty people on tiktok and twitter say shit like Jiwoong deserved to be assaulted bc of his beauty and I want to physically ram the heads of those who said that into the ground. Rape is rape. (i wrote a fic about bts and zb1 collab on a rape awareness song its in my drafts)
Author: also some parts of this was inspired by another jiwoong fic here on ao3 called
light of yours (we'll help you see)
, shoutout to you queen picasso i like it