Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Oh! Hey, big guy! Whatcha doing?" A chirpy, mania-induced voice sounded through the air, causing Dr. Mundo to turn around to see who it is. The voice belonged to none other than Jinx, who was staring up at him with interest in her pink eyes, her rocket launcher, Fishbones, hefted on her shoulder as always.

"Ah, Jinks!" Dr. Mundo gave his usual smile as he set the box he was holding down, arching his back as he stretched, unwinding the tension in his back. "Mundo is just setting up new bizness!"

Jinx raised a brow as she leaned in, gazing up at Dr. Mundo in her usual Jinx way. "New business?" She asked. "What new business?" Dr. Mundo gave his usual laugh, looking proud as he said his next sentence. "Today, Mundo becomes...a tharapise!" Jinx's brow arched further. "A therapist?" She stood to her full height, but she was more than a few full heads shorter than the purple man. "Whatcha becoming a therapist for?"

Dr. Mundo looked proud of himself as he recounted the story that led him to becoming a therapist. "Lass month, when me was treating patient with kryotharapy, patient kept screaming and crying." Given Dr. Mundo's version of cryotherapy, it wasn't that surprising to many that the "patient" would scream and cry before coming to a sad and painful end. But Jinx, being just as insane as Dr. Mundo, if not more than, only looked more interested. "So then what happened?" She asked.

"Mundo reelised that in world, patients suffer more than disease and injury. They suffer in mind and heart." His voice took a sad tone as he remembered how his "patient" had died without finding any closure for his "sadness", but he quickly perked his head up and stuck his chest out proudly. "But that changes today! Today! Mundo is still Doctur Mundo, but now, Mundo is tharapise doctur!" Some other champions looked over in the Madman of Zaun's direction as they walked past before turning back to their business, murmuring to themselves about the probability of Mundo's "therapy" succeeding.

Jinx, on the other hand, seemed impressed, and let out some giggles as she set Fishbones down and clapped excitedly. "That sounds amazing, big guy!" She commended. "Fank you." Dr. Mundo replied, looking rather pleased with himself as he picked the box up and began to move to the empty room. "Mundo must go now. Office won't set itself up." Jinx followed him inside, carrying Fishbones with her as she looked around at what was around. The room was obviously an old room that has been unused by the Institute. The walls had cracks on them, the old, blue paint was peeling, the lights were barely working there was dust everywhere, and Jinx even saw one or two cockroaches around.

Still, her entire life in Zaun, coupled with her insanity, made her nonchalant to these things, and she gave a wolfish whistle as she span in a little circle, taking the whole place in. "Sweet place you got, purple." Dr. Mundo gave his short laugh. "Fanks." He set the box on a table, the only table in the room that was somehow intact, rather heavily, causing dust to fly everywhere and making Jinx sneeze. Dr. Mundo walked behind the chair and tried sitting down on it. It broke and caved under his weight immediately, and he soon found himself sitting on the floor, specks of dust flying everywhere and causing Jinx to sneeze again.

He grunted as he got up. "They don't make chairs like they used to."

He looked around at his new "office", heaving a sigh as Jinx continued sneezing. A feeling of hope flared in his chest as he looked over the dusty floors and cracked walls.

"Mundo is going to do lots of good."

oooooooooo

Diana arched a brow as she scanned the paper that was practically being shoved into her face by a certain bluette. "Dr. Mundo's Wonderful Therapy?" She read quietly, looking down at the words written in big bold letters. The rest of the paper contained a messy marker drawing of Mundo, who looked buffer than he was in real life, and some incomprehensible scribbles all over the white sheet.

"Yeah!" Jinx waved the paper in Diana's face, blissfully unaware to the fact that she was stepping into the Aspect's personal space. "It's the new biz the purple guy's trying out, you should try it!"

Diana suppressed a shudder, remembering the one time she had Mundo on her team. The mutated man was sloppy, ugly, and smelly. "I-" She didn't get to finish as Jinx cut her off, continuing to ramble on about Dr. Mundo's "wonderful" therapy.

"And he was so patient when I told him about the time Fishbones wrecked the entire lab. I mean, would it kill people to be a little patient these days?" The word "patient" sent a shudder down Diana's spine, remembering how Dr. Mundo had tried to make her a patient in the middle of said match. It had involved electricity, wild goose chases around the whole Rift from her own teammate, and hundreds of prayers to the Lunari gods to wash her mind of the memories of the "treatment" she suffered from Dr. Mundo. 

"I don't think-" She was once again cut off when the Loose Cannon began jabbering again, this time even gesturing with her hands wildly. "I'm telling you, you won't regret your time!" The girl said excitedly. "Mundo is really good at this thing! And for someone as dreary and dull as you, he's the perfect guy to turn to!"

Diana blinked, unsure of how to feel and respond at Jinx's description of her. Should I feel offended and insulted?

Jinx continued rattling on, obviously disregarding the Aspect of the Moon's discomfort and confusion. "Come visit us! I'm the assistant!" She said that as if it would bring Diana some comfort and actually encourage her to visit Mundo's new therapy service. It did not. It only further discouraged the white-haired woman from going.

However, Jinx didn't seem to take any notice of Diana's silent commitment to not go, and slapped the paper into the taller woman's open hands. "Come visit us soon! We'll turn that big ol' frown of yours upside down!" With that, the girl skipped away, humming a merry tune as she did so. Diana looked down at the paper in her hand, wondering what she had done to deserve this. And why was my hand open? She wondered. For a brief moment, her eyes turned from the paper to the garbage can nearby.

"Accidents" could happen, right?

However, before she could carry on with her plan, a soft, gentle voice spoke up behind her. "Diana?" The Lunari turned to see the Starchild, Soraka, standing behind her, her expression curious. "Hello, Soraka." Diana greeted, an uncharacteristic gentle smile spreading across her face. She tolerated many champions in the League, but Soraka was one of the few she actually liked. "What brings you out here?"

Soraka gave a small sigh, and Diana saw the weariness in the other woman's expression. "You know, some fresh air to clear my head." Diana nodded empathetically. Healers like Soraka were often in great demand in the League. And unfortunately for the Starchild, there weren't many healers in the League, and that resulted in her having to be cooped up in the medical bay, treating injured champions and/or summoners. And in the League, injuries, either intentional or not, were very common. "I see."

Soraka tilted her head inquisitively, her eyes darting to the paper in Diana's hand. "I saw you conversing with the Loose Cannon of Zaun just now. May I ask what you two were talking about?"

Well, for one, the conversation was more of a one-sided one, Diana thought, though she didn't bother to voice it. "Jinx was just telling me of this new therapeutic service Mundo has opened up." She replied, holding the paper up for Soraka to see. "Apparently, it's supposed to be one of the best therapeutic services in the whole of Valoran, as per Jinx's words." Soraka looked at the paper inquisitively, then held a hand out, silently asking for the paper. Diana was all too happy to give it to the Starchild, but she kept her contentment to herself.

Soraka studied the paper with interest, her eyes taking in the big, bold words and the messy drawing of Dr. Mundo. "Interesting..." She murmured quietly, flipping the paper to see that the other page was blank. The flyer was somewhat adorable, but it contained no details of where this new therapy service was, or any way on how to contact Dr. Mundo. It just contained the big bold words and messy scribbles that were incomprehensible. "Where can I find this office?" Soraka asked. Diana raised a brow, slightly struggling to comprehend why the purple woman would even consider attending Dr. Mundo's therapy.

"I'm quite sure if you wander around the lobby, you can find it fairly easy." Diana raised a brow at the other woman. "Are you actually considering attending?" Soraka smiled slightly. "Everything deserves a chance, and it would be nice to try talk to someone about my workload." Diana's skeptical expression turned into one of slight confusion. "Don't you have any close friends that are more trustworthy than him?"

Soraka gave a small coy smile as she began to walk off. "They are often busy with matches on the Rift, so there isn't really anyone I can consistently talk to about what I feel about my work." Diana nodded as the Starchild began to walk off. "Tell me about it when you're done." She called out as the purple woman got further and further away. Once Soraka was gone, Diana shrugged and turned to walk off to her own destination. She had to admit that she too was slightly curious about Dr. Mundo's new therapy service, but she wasn't curious enough to be the first to attend like a sacrificial lamb.

oooooooooo

Jinx looked up as she heard the door open, and she grinned wildly when she saw Soraka enter. "Yay! Our very first customer!" She yelled as she got up from her chair and approached Soraka, the other woman in the midst of taking in the office's untidy and dirty condition. "Hey! How you doing?" Soraka startled at the Loose Cannon's loud voice, and she turned to look at the girl. "Uh, hi." She greeted awkwardly, giving a little wave. She was used to seeing Jinx in her usual outfit, but the Loose Cannon now wore what looked like a nurse's outfit, with the uniform having neon and pink doodles all over. Akali wouldn't approve.

Jinx took no notice of the Starchild's confusion, and continued firing off questions at a rapid speed.

"So, have you come to make an appointment?" Jinx asked, her eyes and grin wide. "Uh...yes." Soraka replied quietly, looking around at the place around her. It was dusty, the walls were cracked, and the furniture looked ready to break at any moment. Not the best place to conduct therapy sessions.

"Great!" Jinx turned to a door at the side and hollered, "Oi, big guy! We have a customer!" Soraka heard some shuffling, crashes, and then a heavy thud. She was beginning to doubt her decision to come here. Soon, a deep voice, undoubtedly Dr. Mundo's, called out from inside the room. "Mundo's ready!"

Jinx grinned and turned to face Soraka again. "The doctor will see you now." Soraka nodded at Jinx nervously before stepping to the door where she had heard the sounds come from. Taking a breath, she turned the doorknob and gently pushed it open. Inside, there was a worn couch that was situated next to a desk, on the desk was nothing but a big box, and behind the desk was Dr. Mundo himself, his face having its usual grin. There was little decoration in the room, and it looked more of an asylum room to inspire fear than to comfort people.

Come to think of it, what had possessed Soraka to come here in the first place?

"Ah! Sorara!" Dr. Mundo greeted joyfully, gesturing towards the old couch with a hand. "Please, sit!" Soraka did so hesitantly, observing Dr. Mundo. To his credit, the Madman of Zaun had changed his outfit to look like he was a genuine therapist, but his hulking figure still caused his new white shirt to tear, and although the circularly rimmed glasses he wore did make him look slightly professional, his messy hairdo and his habit of sticking his tongue out of his mouth overall ruined his chances of trying to appear professional.

Still, despite her increasing doubts and second thoughts, Soraka decided to proceed with this session. Maybe Mundo would surprise her.

As she sat down, Dr. Mundo took the box on the table and began rummaging through it. "So, how you feeling?" He asked. That's a good start, Soraka thought, her hopes lifting slightly. "I'm feeling fine, just a little exhausted from work, I guess." Mundo nodded, not looking up at her from his box. "Good, good." He mumbled. "Have you been sad lately from work?" Soraka shook her head. "Just exhausted."

Dr. Mundo paused, and looked up from his box to Soraka. "Are you sure?" He asked. Soraka nodded, even smiling to reassure the big man that she wasn't lying. Mundo arched a brow. "Mundo think you in denial."

"Oh no, I'm really fine. Just tired, that's all." Dr. Mundo just looked more skeptical. "There's only one way to be sure." He said, pulling a clipboard out of his box. "Answer this." He said, as he reached over the table and offered the clipboard to Soraka. When Soraka took it, she saw a piece of paper on it. The paper had the heading 'Sad-O-Meter', and contained only one question that asked, 'Ar yu sad?'.

Soraka quickly took a pen nearby and write 'No' on the paper, passing it back to Dr. Mundo. The purple man took the clipboard and looked it at closely, as if examining a complicated specimen when all he was looking at was a simply piece of paper with a simple question and a simple answer. "Very good." He murmured. "So, why have you come to visit Dr. Mundo, Sorara?" Soraka drew a deep breath. "I've been feeling stressed lately from my work, and I'm wondering how to curb it." Dr. Mundo placed his chin in his hand, looking thoughtful. "Hmmm, Mundo may have solution for this." With that, he began digging through his box again, and Soraka briefly wondered what the purple man would pull out.

"Aha!" Dr. Mundo exclaimed triumphantly as he pulled a knife out. "Stress medicine!"

Soraka blinked a few times as Dr. Mundo offered the knife to her. "Take this two times a day. Then come back and tell Mundo all about the progress!" Soraka tried to speak up, but Dr. Mundo just looked so joyous and proud that she couldn't bear to dampen his spirits. So instead, she quietly nodded and walked out of the room, and soon the office, staring at the knife in her hands.

Well, that was something.

oooooooooo

Sona blinked a few times, confused at the knife in Sona's hand. She played a note on her etwahl, the tune of the note conveying her confusion. Soraka sighed.

"I know, it's strange and all, but on the bright side, Mundo didn't try any "treatments" on me." Sona played another note, this one sounding skeptical, even insulting. Soraka gave a look at her fellow healer. "Sona! That's not nice!" The Maven of the Strings grinned cheekily as she floated off, playing a note that further emphasised her skepticism. Soraka sighed at the blue-haired woman's cruelty with her words and thoughts. "He's not that bad of a therapist, Sona!" The other woman didn't bother to respond, continuing her way out of the room.

Once she was alone, Soraka sighed and looked down at the knife that Dr. Mundo had given her. On one side, the therapy session didn't go terrible awry, and Mundo seemed to be doing his best to help her with her stress issues, in his own way, of course.

She sighed and set the knife down and sat at the table of the med bay. Maybe things would go better during the next session.

Chapter Text

Dr. Mundo looked up as Soraka entered his office, his expression brightening instantly. "Ah!" He cried out happily as Soraka sat on the dingy couch. "Sorara! Has Mundo medicine work?" Soraka gave Dr. Mundo a small smile. In truth, the "medicine" had not worked. At all. What was she supposed to do with a knife?

She decided that it was time to be a little truthful about the "medicine's" effect, to spare both Dr. Mundo and herself some time from being wasted. Speaking quietly, she said, "Uh, I don't really think that the medicine worked, Dr. Mundo." At her words, Dr. Mundo's eyebrows raised, and he looked rather flabbergasted.

“That not good.” He murmured, bringing the box on the table closer to himself and rummaging through it again. “This not good at all.” 

Soraka breathed a small sigh of relief that the Madman of Zaun was not taking the news as terribly as she expected. She leaned in curiously when Dr. Mundo took another clipboard out and placed it on the table. “Please answer this question.” He said as he produced a pen and placed it on the clipboard. Soraka took up the pen and leaned in further to read the question.

The paper was pretty much the same as the previous one, except this time, the question read: Pleeze rait medisen on skail of won too ten.

She wrote a number “4” on the paper. It wasn’t too harsh, and it was also truthful about the kni-I mean, medicine’s effects. She then set the pen down and pushed the clipboard to Dr. Mundo, who took it and read it. He placed a hand to his chin, as if he was examining a complicated problem when all he was looking at was a simple number on a simple paper.

“This is really not good.” He said, his brows furrowing. “Me suggest we do aggressive treatment.” Soraka turned a little fearful at that part. “What does it involve?” She asked, hoping that the doctor wouldn't pull out his bonesaw or any other item he deemed as medical equipment. 

Dr. Mundo began digging through his box, presumably to look for his torture dev- his medical equipment. As he did so, he asked Soraka questions about her health in his usual Mundo way.

“Are you sad today?”

“No, I'm not sad, thank you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” A small pause from Dr. Mundo.

“Are you sure?” He began pulling another clipboard out. “Maybe Mundo should use Sad-O-Meter again.”

Soraka sighed. “Mundo, I'm really not feeling sad.

Dr. Mundo looked up from his box to her, regarded her for a moment, then shrugged and went back to digging through his box. “Mundo hope you not lying.”

“I'm not. I'm just feeling stressed.”

“Where?”

Soraka went silent for a moment, thinking of how to answer the Madman’s question.

“My…head, I suppose.”

“Ahhhh.” Dr. Mundo let out a sound of understanding, and he rummaged around the box even more. “Me know just what to give you!”

Soraka watched as Dr. Mundo rummaged around in his box for a moment longer before the Madman of Zaun pulled out a white bottle and placed it on the table. “Here! Stress medicine!”

Soraka picked the bottle up and regarded it, reading its label. “Pulul…Diazepam…?” Dr. Mundo gave a nod as he looked at Soraka. “This is best medicine for stress! Take one pill a day for three weeks, then rest for two hours!” 

Soraka turned the bottle around, checking it for something. “What are the side effects?” She asked, still turning the bottle here and there. Dr. Mundo huffed proudly. “No side effects! This medicine is best medicine for everything!”

Soraka was very doubtful about this. “Are you…sure?” She asked hesitantly. Dr. Mundo gave a short laugh. “Trust in Mundo.” He said, even beginning to bop his chest pecs like how he sometimes does in matches. Soraka couldn’t help but laugh a little at Dr. Mundo’s rather comical behaviour.

“So, just a pill a day and then rest for two hours for three weeks? That’s it?”

Dr. Mundo nodded.

oooooooooo

Soraka didn’t listen to Dr. Mundo’s orders.

No, she couldn’t listen to Dr. Mundo’s orders.

Once she had reached her med bay, she had immediately taken a pill, wanting to get the medication over and done with. However, Ahri had soon barged into the room, practically demanding for Soraka to be her support for the next match. Soraka initially tried to resist, but the situation happened so fast, and her vision had turned pink. And then she woke up in the Summoners’ Rift.

Gripping her staff tightly, she sighed as she followed Ahri down the mid lane. There was nothing she could really do about her current situation. All she could do was pray that she didn’t have to exert herself too much.

oooooooooo

Jinx paused when she saw a slip of paper on the ground.

Dr. Mundo had gone out earlier for a match, and had ordered Jinx to “clean up” while he was gone. That was why Jinx was sweeping the dusty floor with a broom.

She bent down and picked the slip of paper up and looked at it, squinting her eyes as she read the small, typed words on the paper.

“Side effects: Hallucinations, mood swings, sudden sugar crush, dizziness…”

She raised a brow as she read the last effect on the list. “Homicidal tendencies?”

She regarded the paper for a bit longer, then shrugged and tossed it into the nearby trash can with a ‘meh’, then went back to sweeping the room.

oooooooooo

Ahri watched in slight horror as Soraka let out a scream and ran after the duo of Talon and Leona. Despite the two being formidable and revered warriors in the League, the sight of Soraka running at them while being so consumed in rage was deeply unsettling to them.

And so, instead of standing their ground against the support, Leona and Talon actually turned tail and ran , with one of them screaming out in pure terror. It was hard to tell who was the one shrieking between them.

Leona, the respected Aspect of the Sun, and Talon, the brutal Blade’s Shadow, were running from Soraka, a support champion.

Ahri watched as Soraka chased Talon and Leona down the mid lane and to the river, then at the undefended enemy turret. She slowly shrugged off her worries for Soraka’s mental state and waited for her ally minions to begin attacking the turret, before going into the fray with her spells at the ready.

oooooooooo

Ahri stared at Soraka’s unconscious form, completely puzzled. Her team had won in a landslide, thanks to Soraka managing to scare away most of the enemy champions, leaving most of the enemy territory undefended.

But after going from zero to psycho in a few minutes into the match, Soraka had managed to from psycho back to zero in a matter of seconds after the match ended.

Diana said something about her going to Dr. Mundo’s new therapy thing, right? The Nine-Tailed fox lady wondered as she continued to stare at Soraka, who was now snoring on the ground of the waiting lobby. What has that hunky freak done to her?

She couldn’t just leave Soraka there. Especially after the Starchild had been such an extremely huge help. So, she charmed Vi and had the bruiser carry the healer to the med bay, even accompanying the both of them on the journey. 

Once they had reached, Ahri had Vi gently set the Starchild onto one of the many beds there, and then dispelled her charm on the Piltover Enforcer, leaving the discombobulated pinkette to stumble out of the med bay and embark on a quest to find her “cupcake”.

Turning back to Soraka, Ahri picked up a sheet and covered the purple woman’s body with it before leaning down and planting a kiss on Soraka’s cheek.

“Thank you for your help today, Rara.”

Assured that Sona would know how to deal with Soraka in her current condition, Ahri sauntered out of the med bay, humming a merry tune as she went on to get on with her daily business.

oooooooooo

Ashe blinked a few times at the flyer Dr. Mundo was showing to her, taking in the big, bold words at the top of the page and the horrible art of the purple man done in marker. The two had just respawned at the fountain after being shut down by Mordekaiser, and Dr. Mundo apparently thought it would be a good time to show her the new business he was conducting.

“It’s very…” Ashe bit her lip, trying to think of a word that wouldn’t be insulting to the Madman of Zaun. “...interesting.”

Dr. Mundo looked ecstatic at the Frost Archer’s words. “It is?” He asked, some slobber dripping everywhere due to his habit of sticking his tongue out of his mouth. Ashe immediately decided that she was going to take a shower later. A long, hot shower.

Still, she forced a smile. “Yes, Mundo.” She said, her tone polite. “It is.”

“Maybe you should come with Tryndamee, Mundo can tell you two have lot of tension!” Ashe kept her smile up, trying not to make it clear that she was more concerned with how quickly Master Yi was cutting through their minions and teammates. Their teammates, namely Draven and Sivir, were spamming the chat with calls for assistance from their ADC. But Dr. Mundo either didn’t notice, or didn’t care.

It was probably the former, given how he was.

“Mundo insist!” The purple man said as he held the flyer out to Ashe, beckoning for her to take it. “Mundo already operate on Sorara! And now, Sorara is happy patient!” Ashe held a cringe back as she imagined Soraka’s current condition. Poor woman.

“Thank you, Mundo.” She said as she accepted the flyer, rolling it up and keeping it away in her quiver. “I’ll…consider it.”

Dr. Mundo looked pleased, and he hefted his bonesaw over his head. “Bye now! Mundo will be expecting you!” With that, he ran down the mid lane, leaving Ashe to process what had just transpired during their conversation.

She was about to pull the flyer out to take another look at it again, but a scathing message in the chat from Draven caught her attention, and she sighed as she made her way to the bot lane, getting her arrows ready to fire.

oooooooooo

Diana was eating her dinner when she was joined by Soraka.

“Hello, Soraka.” The Aspect of the Moon greeted, placing another forkful of salad into her mouth.

“Hello, Diana.” Diana paused a little. Usually, Soraka would sound tired and exhausted while trying to power through her exhaustion to sound peppy. But now, her tone sounded genuine, and the Starchild really sounded energetic.

Diana looked over to Soraka, and saw that the Starchild seemed to glow with a new energy. “By the Moon’s light, Soraka.” Diana said in slight awe. “What has the mad doctor done to you?” Soraka beamed at her friend, scooping some mashed potatoes. “Nothing, he just gave me some medicine, and I feel fantastic.”

Diana narrowed her eyes and leaned in closer to Soraka, not fully believing her words. “Who are you and what have you done to Soraka?” She asked, a hand trailing down to her Zenith Blade. Soraka’s eyes widened slightly when she saw the white-haired woman reach for her weapon, and she put her hands up.

“Easy, Diana. It’s me, Soraka.” Diana squinted her eyes even more, her suspicion unrelenting. “Prove it,” the Lunari warrior said. “When I first came to you, what was the injury I was suffering?”

“First of all, it wasn’t you who was suffering an injury,” Soraka replied, speaking matter-of-factly. “It was Leona, and she was suffering a nearly broken neck because you-” She was cut off when Diana slapped a gloved palm over her mouth, her pale face now flushed.

“Okay, you’ve proven enough.” The Lunari warrior said flusteredly, slowly withdrawing her hand from the Starchild’s mouth. “Dr. Mundo really worked some magic on you, didn’t he?” Diana asked, her eyes and voice now having a slight sense of awe in them. “How is that even possible?”

Soraka smiled. “I couldn’t believe it too. I was apprehensive when he first gave me that medicine, but after a nice sleep, I feel much better. Like I am at ease.”

Diana was taken aback by this. “It seems that I have underestimated Mundo’s capabilities.”

“I was pretty shocked, myself.” Soraka admitted, pushing another spoonful of mashed potatoes into her mouth. “At first he gave me a knife, and during the last session, he gave me a bottle of pills that made me black out for a moment.”

“But aren't therapists supposed to listen to your feelings and all of that before they give you prescriptions?” Diana asked, a brow arched with skepticism. “I know that, but-”

Soraka was cut off when Leona walked up to their table. “Hello, guUUUysss.”

Leona had set her tray down and was in the process of seating herself across from Soraka and Diana, but the moment she cast one look at Soraka, she stopped herself, picked her tray up, and quickly shuffled away.

Diana and Soraka blinked at Leona’s sudden and hasty retreat. “What's up with her?” Diana asked, feeling mild annoyance that her lover had run away instead of spending some time with her. Soraka shrugged and shoved another spoonful of potatoes into her mouth.

“I have no clue.”

Another female joined them at the table, sitting across the two. “Hello.”

Soraka looked up at the newcomer. “Greetings, Frost Archer.” Her tone held a slight hint of surprise, as the Avarosan warmother was more inclined to sit with her fellow Freljordian champions. “Is there something I can help you with?”

Ashe bit into the apple she had brought with her. She didn't seem to have much of an appetite tonight.

“Soraka,” she started, her voice low. “How good of a therapist is Dr. Mundo?”

Soraka blinked a few times at the archer’s question. “He may not be like other typical therapists, and his methods are extremely unconventional, but he managed to help me with my problem.”

Ashe nodded slowly. “I see.” She said, taking another bite of her apple, looking thoughtful as she chewed on the fruit.

“Are you planning to attend his therapy sessions as well?”

“Maybe, Soraka. I feel that Tryndamere’s temper will be the death of both him and I one day.”

Ashe shuddered before leaning forward, as if telling the two of them something private.

“He punched the coffee machine when it was in the process of dispensing his coffee. And destroyed it when he accidentally scalded his hand while he was taking his cup.”

Diana and Soraka both held their snickers back at the thought of Tryndamere’s petty rages. “I'm sure Dr. Mundo will be able to curb that problem of his.” Soraka said reassuringly, completely believing in the Madman of Zaun after the Diazepam pill she took earlier. The only question she had was why was Leona, Graves, Ezreal, Talon, and Quinn looking in her direction with fear in their eyes?

Ashe sighed as she took another bite of her apple, thinking of the possibilities of attending Dr. Mundo’s new therapy business.

“I suppose I can give it a try.”

Meanwhile, Diana had gotten up and walked over to Leona, who had decided to sit with Pantheon and the other Targonian Aspects. She tried to drag Leona to her table, but the redheaded woman flailed wildly and screamed, "No! Please don't bring me to her!"

Diana sighed in exasperation. "What is wrong with you tonight?!"

Chapter Text

Ashe blinked at her husband, who was now stumbling about the map, dragging his greatsword about as he giggled and tripped on some minions. “Tryndamere, what is wrong with you?” She asked as she moved closer to him, following him as he shakily got up and continued stumbling down the top lane. Tryndamere giggled childishly, looking around himself like a child would in a playground.

“Oh, Mundo just gave me a…” He trailed off, continuing to giggle childishly. Ashe was about to question him some more when her eyes widened when she saw Darius approaching, his battle axe ready to strike. “Tryndamere! Get down!” She cried out as she released an arrow at the Noxian General. Thankfully, her aim didn't fail her, and the arrow lodged itself in Darius’ neck.

Tryndamere didn't take any notice, and continued giggling and laughing as he stumbled down the lane as Darius fell to the ground, trying to pull the True Ice arrow out of his neck.

Now, my dear reader, you obviously have questions as to why our beloved Barbarian King is in such a state. It is obvious that Tryndamere is suffering from the effect of Dr. Mundo’s therapy, and the poor man is not in the right state of mind for a League match. But to show you how Tryndamere came to the current state he is now, I will have to take this story back quite a bit. All the way back to two hours ago.

[[[[[]]]]]

“I'll pick you up later, okay?” Ashe asked as she patted her husband on the back once and exited the office, leaving him with the purple man sitting behind the desk.

Tryndamere stifled a groan. He shouldn't have taken that bet with Ashe last night. Now, not only was he already exhausted physically, he was also going to be exhausted mentally.

Dr. Mundo slurped his tongue slightly, raising an arm to wipe the slobber off of his face. Tryndamere held another groan back and inched a little further away from the purple monstrosity. “So, Trynamee,” Dr. Mundo said, slurping his tongue again. “Ash tell me that you have anger problem. Mind telling Mundo why?”

The mad doctor’s current near-childlike innocence on the matter was somewhat amusing. Tryndamere had to pinch himself from smirking. He didn't want to tarnish his image as one of the best glowering champions around, especially in front of this man.

“Listen, Mundo, I have no anger issues, and no tragic backstory or whatever. So there’s absolutely nothing for me to-”

A half-hour later, Tryndamere was slumped on the desk, sobbing as he recounted his life events to the Madman of Zaun. “And then she called me ‘Little Penis Man’. Who does that?” He sobbed again, grabbing Dr. Mundo's tie and blowing his nose into it. The purple man didn't seem to mind as he processed Tryndamere’s life story.

“So… you have anger issue because you have small wee-wee?” Tryndamere didn't bother correcting Dr. Mundo, he was too wrapped up in his past experiences. Dr. Mundo rubbed his chin thoughtfully, his big tongue hanging out of his mouth, then he perked up. “Me know solution!” With that, he grabbed his big box of magic and began rummaging through it again.

When Tryndamere looked up, he saw Dr. Mundo holding a transparent plastic bag that contained what seemed to be yellow powder. “What's this?” The Barbarian King asked, his eyes squinting at the yellow powder. “This is something a patient gave to Mundo as a thank-you!” Dr. Mundo exclaimed, looking proud of himself. “Mundo save it for just the right moment!”

Tryndamere’s previous sadness turned into suspicion as he continued to eye the yellow powder. “What does it do?” He asked, sitting up straight. Dr. Mundo gave a short chuckle. “Patient tell me to just put this against face and smell real hard!” Tryndamere narrowed his eyes.

“Mundo, that sounds like taking drugs.” Dr. Mundo laughed hard, slobber flying anywhere. “Nonsense!” He said confidently. “Patient also tell Mundo that this is good for stress relief! And it can also make your wee-wee grow bigger!” Tryndamere’s suspicion heightened even more now.

“Are you sure?”

Dr. Mundo gave another short laugh and slurped again as he held the plastic baggie out to Tryndamere.

“Mundo very sure.”

[[[[[]]]]]

And now you know how this incident came to be.

Ashe tried to follow Tryndamere to keep her husband from getting killed, but just as she took a step forward, Sejuani, sitting atop her great boar Bristles, rode out of a bush and swung her flail, the True Ice mace bashing against Ashe’s head.

“An ally has been slain!”

Sejuani grinned manically. “Yes!” She yelled, holding on to the saddle as Bristles began to jump up and down, doing his ‘dance’. “Finally! My canon event to get the throne begins!”

With that, the match proceeded to go something like this:

“An ally has been slain!” (Tryndamere, who was definitely probably high or something, stepped on Teemo’s mushrooms. The yordle let out his annoying laugh.)

“An enemy has been slain!” (Katarina, one of Ashe and Tryndamere’s teammates for this match, shoved an knife up Teemo’s ass for his annoying laugh.)

“Double kill!” (Blitzcrank tried to kamikaze Katarina to avenge his furry buddy. Katarina launched a Death Lotus at him for his efforts.)

“An ally has been slain!” (Twitch made the mistake of going into a bush, where a little bear trap was laying in wait. Caitlyn chuckled darkly as she quick-scoped the Zaunite Plague Rat.)

“Enemy double kill!” (Quinn began arguing with her bird, Valor, and was too distracted to pay attention to what was happening around her,, and so Caitlyn quick-scoped her and the bird as well.)

“You have slain an enemy!” (Ashe, who had respawned, unleashed her wrath on Sejuani while the latter was trying to fend Katarina off.)

“Enemy double kill!” (Both Katarina and Ashe got stabbity-stabbed to death by Akali. Akali then proceeded to shout something about balance.)

“Enemy triple kill!” (Tryndamere was just leaning on one of the turrets for support as he wheezed his lungs out. Akali shrugged as she proceeded to stabbity-stab him to death as well.)

“You have lost a turret!” (Akali, with the help of her team’s minions, stabbity-stabbed the turret until it went down.)

“Beatrice’s feathers, Ashe!” Katarina growled as she waited on the respawn timer. “Get your goddamn husband back in order!”

“I would if I could, Noxian.” Ashe responded coldly, not wanting to stoop to Katarina’s level of responding in anger. She telepathically reached out to Twitch, who had just respawned. “Twitch, keep Akali from advancing into our base.”

Twitch turned to see Akali running at him, her eyes screaming bloody murder. He opened his mouth and screamed literally.

“An enemy is on a killing spree!” (Twitch was too busy screaming in terror to properly defend himself, and as everyone guessed, got stabbity-stabbed by Akali.)

“For fucks’ sake…” Katarina groaned as she watched her team’s poor performance. Ashe had to admit that she wanted to swear too, but settled for silently waiting for her respawn timer to hit zero. No one besides her fellow Freljordian champions needed to know about her fiery temper.

But boy, did she feel like giving Katarina and the rest of her teammates the cruellest ass-beating of their lives right now.

[[[[[]]]]]

“Tryndamere, what was that earlier?!” Ashe yelled as she held her husband’s face with her two hands, making him look up at her. Tryndamere continued giggling. The two were currently in their private dorm in the Institute. Ashe had to give 521 RP to Sion to help carry her husband back here.

“Oi! I’m speaking to you!” Ashe said as she gave Tryndamere light slaps on both cheeks. Her words and actions did nothing to break Tryndamere out of his current state. Tryndamere only giggled some more and began terribly singing a tune that sounded like ‘Humpty Dumpty’.

Ashe sighed as she stood straight, looking around to find something to take her mind off of the current situation at hand. As she did so, her cerulean eyes landed on a plastic baggie that had something yellow inside. Narrowing her eyes, she picked it up, examining the contents.

“I don’t think I’ve seen this before…” She muttered as she looked at the bag from different angles. “What is this?”

She squinted her eyes as she examined the contents inside the plastic baggie a little more, then her eyes widened as she realised what this yellow powder was.

“Oh no.”

[[[[[]]]]]

Dr. Mundo blinked twice at Caitlyn, who was sitting across him. “What?” He asked, scratching his head a little. Some drool fell from his tongue and onto the table. The two were currently in Caitlyn’s office within the Institute. Caitlyn had come to Dr. Mundo’s therapy office and asked him to follow her here after dealing with Jinx. That explained the plaster on her cheek.

Caitlyn placed the plastic baggie of yellow powder on the table. “This powder,” she said, her voice clipped and cold. “Was given to me by the Frost Archer.”

Dr. Mundo blinked again. “Who?”

Caitlyn sighed. “Ashe. Ashe the Frost Archer. She gave this to me.”

Dr. Mundo seemed to process this for a moment, then his expression lit up. “Oh!” He said, his tongue running along his jaw. “Ash give you de-stresser powder? You want de-stress too?”

Caitlyn sighed again. “No, Mundo, I don’t.” She took the plastic baggie and held it up to Mundo’s eyes, waving it around the little. “I just want to know where you got this from.” Dr. Mundo gave another short laugh and licked his teeth. Caitlyn took a half-step back from him, keeping herself from cringing in disgust at the slobber in his mouth.

“Mundo patient give me!” The mad doctor proudly exclaimed. “He give me as way of saying thank you!” Caitlyn nodded at the information, preparing a small notepad and pen.

“Mhm. Pray tell, who was this ‘patient’ of yours?” Dr. Mundo thought for a moment, putting a hand to his jaw as he tried to remember who was the person who gave him the yellow powder.

“Ah!” He said, perking his index finger up in the air. “Mundo’s patient Jacob gave it to me!” Caitlyn froze for a moment, the pen hanging in the air, its tip inches away from touching the paper surface of the notepad. “Jakob?” She asked. “As in Jakob Odinfield?”

Dr. Mundo seemed puzzled. “Mundo not know patient’s full name.”

Caitlyn sighed and penned the man’s name down. “Thank you for your time, Mundo. But the next time you find powder like this, I want you to give it to me immediately, okay?” 

“So you want to de-stress as well?”

Caitlyn didn't bother correcting the mad doctor. For his case, it was best to go with where his mind pleased as long as it ended up with her receiving what she wanted. “Yes, Mundo, I want to de-stress as well.”

[[[[[]]]]]

Braum and Nunu look on in concern as they see their warmother slumped over the table, her long, white hair splayled over a big area of the table.

“So… what happened?” Nunu asked, his eyes flashing with concern and curiosity. “Nothing, Nunu.” Ashe replied. “Just some bad decisions that you should never make in this life nor the next.” Nunu and Braum waited for Ashe to elaborate, but no elaboration came.

Braum opened his mouth. “Do you want to speak about it?”

Ashe didn’t bother to look up at the hulking man.

“No.”

“Okay.” Braum and Nunu shared a glance, not knowing what to do or say to their warmother. “How is Tryndamere now?” Braum asked, hoping that Ashe would respond to this question.

“He’s fine. He just needs to sleep off the powder’s effects.” Ashe replied. Nunu got more curious at the mention of the powder.

“What powder?” He asked. Ashe went silent for a moment. Currently, she did not want to explain drugs to the boy, nor should the boy even hear the mention of drugs.

“It’s just… powder… powder you should never take even if your life depended on it.” Ashe looked up at Nunu, her voice going back to its commanding tone. “Understand, Nunu?” The boy nodded, then hopped off the bench.

“I’m gonna go play with Willump now. Bye Ashe!” Ashe wearily bid goodbye to the boy before slumping over on the table again. Braum continued eating the stew he had in front of him, choosing to keep silent for his warmother’s sake. Ashe let out another groan.

“Soraka lied to me…”

Chapter Text

Dr. Mundo looked at the door thoughtfully, wondering why no one had entered yet. It had been a few days since he had “treated” Tryndamere, and for some reason, no one bothered to make an appearance after that day. In fact, they seemed to quickly walk off whenever he went near them.

He leaned back in his new chair, his tongue hanging out off his mouth as he thought to himself. Why has no one been coming to see Mundo?

Don’t we all wonder?

Anyway, Dr. Mundo continued to sit in his chair, keeping silent as he got lost in his thoughts, milky white eyes locked on the ceiling as he pondered what he should do next. He couldn’t call for Jinx at the moment, as the blue haired girl was currently preoccupied with running from the law agai- busy in a League match.

After a few more moments of silence, he perked up, an idea forming in his big, purple head. Maybe Mundo should make house call again.

Once the thought sank in further, he made up his mind. Getting up from his chair, he grabbed his medical bag (a nanny purse), some antidepressants (his cleaver, syringes, and a heck ton of things you wouldn’t see a normal doctor carrying around in a room, or anywhere, for that matter), and lastly, a stethoscope (an actual one, yes).

Grinning at his “equipment”, Dr. Mundo took his nanny–medical bag and walked out of the room, looking for the next patient- person who needed emotional help.

[[[[[]]]]]

Swain hummed as he flipped through the newspaper he held in his hands. He was currently in his own private dorm within the Institute, sitting at his desk with a steaming cup of cocoa to enjoy. Behind him was a little stand, where some crows were perched as they stared at the newspaper’s contents, as if wanting to read it with the general. Some of them cawed a few times, earning a somewhat affectionate pat on their heads or beaks. The headlines for the day were: GOAT HEALER MAGE ON ANOTHER RAMPAGE TODAY. ICE KING RECOVERING FROM ALL-TIME HIGH. AND NOT THE GOOD KIND OF HIGH.

He arched a brow at the news, reading the articles that detailed the causes for the incidents and the incidents themselves. In the previous issue of the newspaper (named the League Times), the headlines had been about the opening of Dr. Mundo’s new therapy service, but Swain and the other Noxians were thoroughly certain that no one in their right mind would actually use it, especially since the Mad Doctor of Zaun had taken in the Loose Cannon as his service’s secretary.

Now, Swain was struggling to come up with a plausible reason as to why the Starchild and the Barbarian King would go against that belief. What convoluted, completely out-of-the-world reason did they have for going to the one of the people who were least qualified for the job of being a source of emotional and mental comfort?

His theory-brewing was interrupted by a familiar titter, and he looked up to find LeBlanc striding closer to him as if she owned the entire Institute and the floors that came with it. His mood turned sour quickly, especially since the woman before him had interrupted his theory-brewing. He loved theory-brewing. Even more than he loved expansion.

“Emilia LeBlanc,” he greeted drily, setting the newspaper down. “No wonder the crows stopped cawing.”

“Come now, Jericho.” The Matron of the Black Rose smiled playfully as she sat on the chair across the Grand General, stretching a little in a way that reminded Swain of cats. Cats when they’d just finished feasting on rabid mice. Swain suppressed a thought of LeBlanc choking on rabid mice.

“Pray tell, what does the dog of what’s down below want now?” LeBlanc ignored the insults, her yellowish eyes glimpsing at the newspaper that lay on the desk. “Oh? You’ve read the news too?” She tittered again, her laughter reminding Swain of metal grating against metal. In his mind, at least.

“Of course I’ve read them. Some of us can do things by ourselves, you know.” He said, reaching for his cup of cocoa, only for LeBlanc to laugh and slap his hand from reaching it in a fashion that made the slap seem incidental. “Now that things concerning this little therapeutic service have taken a different turn from what we’ve expected, I thought we could have a bit of fun at this new development.”

Swain arched a brow again, though he never once broke his stoic expression. “How so?” 

“Well, some of our Noxian comrades could definitely use a little help in curbing their negative qualities.” LeBlanc spoke, leaning forward towards Swain, resting her chin on the back of her hands. “I’m confident you can name a few from the back of your head.”

Swain didn’t want to admit it, but LeBlanc had a point. The Noxians were notorious within the League for their bad behaviour and poor attitude. Even Darius, who was meant to be the epitome of the Noxian values, was sometimes caught and sent to the Insititute’s correctional facilities once or twice. Additionally, it was a little intriguing to imagine what Dr. Mundo would do to rectify the attitudes of the Noxians. But if the damage done to his comrades was irreversible, they would be as useful to him as Heimerdinger was without his massive wits.

LeBlanc must have caught the consideration in his features, for she smirked and raised a hand. “How about a little game?” She snapped her fingers, and a chess set appeared on Swain’s desk, with every single piece arranged in its appropriate and proper position.

LeBlanc cleared her throat once, and said, “One round. If you win, I’ll pick one of my Black Rose agents to attend Dr. Mundo’s therapeutic service. If I win, you’ll do the same for one of your Noxians.”

Swain was ready to decline, but LeBlanc cut in. “What’s wrong? Afraid your chess skills have rusted over time since you’ve left us?”

Before Swain could speak, the Bitc–Matron of the Black Rose once again spoke up before he could. “Then again, you’ve never been able to beat me while you were still with us, if I remember correctly.”

Now, Swain was one of the greatest minds of Noxus. His mind was so great to the point that he could outwit and enslave the demon, Raum, to his bidding. However, like everyone else, he was still a person, and people had their pride. Nothing hurt Swain’s more than the memory of humiliating defeats he suffered at the hands of LeBlanc whenever they played that cursed board game.

The icing on the cake? He looked up at LeBlanc and realised that the infuriating woman had taken his hot cocoa for herself, and was slowly sipping from the cup, making sure to make her slurps as loud as possible to further antagonise the man.

Swain’s brows furrowed, and the crows perched behind his chair began cawing agitatedly as they sensed their master’s suppressed fury.

Swain sat up, perching his elbows on the desk. “Give me your best shot.” He said, making sure to make his words sound as icy as possible.

[[[[[]]]]]

Dr. Mundo laughed as he put a hand around Yuumi, guiding the Magical Cat to his office. “Mundo tell you, you no regret joyning!” He exclaimed excitedly, pleased that he had managed to convince yet another League champion to join his staff.

Yuumi grinned lazily. In all honesty, the only reason she joined was because she was bored, and judging the results of Soraka and Tryndamere’s treatments, she was going to be massively entertained by the shenanigans of the Mad Doctor and the Loose Cannon.

The two of them entered the office to first find a bound and gagged Katarina on the waiting room sofa, who was writhing about in her chains, causing the metal links to clink together. Her muffled yet angry murmurs through the rag tied around her mouth were undoubtedly vile curses directed at the culprit of her captive state.

Sitting beside Katarina, or squatting, due to the bottom half of her body being that of a gigantic serpent’s, was Cassiopeia, the Sinister Blade’s younger sister, who rolled her eyes at her sister’s thrashing. “The more you move around like that, Katarina, the more you’re tiring yourself out.”

Sitting beside them was Draven, and he was admiring his reflection in his portable mirror, making smooching faces at his reflection and even flexing his muscles a little here and there, saying (slightly disturbing) phrases such as: “Oh, you’re so sexy, if I could, I would…”

“Hallo pashunts!” Dr. Mundo greeted in his usual Mundo way while Yuumi cast a lazy grin at the struggling redhead who was Katarina. Cassiopeia looked up at the purple man with an exasperated look while Draven continued to stare at his reflection lovingly. “Why are you all here?”

Cassiopeia cleared her throat as she began to explain the Noxians’ current predicament. “Well…”

Dramatic flashback to about ten minutes ago…

“I’ve done it!” Swain exclaimed somewhat excitedly as he moved his queen up, checkmating LeBlanc. “After all this time, I’ve finally bested you!”

LeBlanc didn’t look particularly impressed nor flabbergasted that the Grand General had managed to beat her in the chess match. She instead drained the remaining cocoa from the cup and set it down with her usual cool expression. “Honey, you didn’t win this with skill,” she said as she propped her elbows on the edge of the desk. “You won because I was so damned tired of your wheezing and tryharding.”

LeBlanc didn’t let Swain have time to reply as she asked, “So, I’ve decided to volunteer Cassiopeia Du Couteau to Mundo’s service. Who have you decided to send?” 

“Uh…” Swain checked a piece of paper that he used to write down the names of the Noxian champions who were going for Dr. Mundo’s therapy. On the crisp sheet, written in neat cursive, were the names of Katarina, Samira, Draven, Sion, and Kled.

He decided to withhold the information from the Matron.

LeBlanc arched a brow, but decided to give the man across her the small mercy of not persisting. Then the corners of her lips curved upwards in her usual devious smirk.

“How about another round?”

“No.” Swain’s reply came almost too quickly, and he paused, taking a moment to compose himself. “I mean, I have matters to tend to. I’m sure you can relate, seeing that you run that little coven of yours.”

LeBlanc grinned as she stood up. “Have it your way then, you old toad.”

Swain stood up as well, maintaining his cool demeanour. “I’ll see you next time, hag.”

LeBlanc grinned and her staff glowed. The chess set disappeared in a poof. “Don’t bet on it, bastard.”

With that, she too disappeared in similar fashion to the chess set.

Swain fell back into his chair, suddenly panting as if he had just run a marathon. One of the crows perched itself on his shoulder, craning its neck towards the man with a tissue in its beak. “Thank you.” Swain said as he accepted the tissue and dabbed it on his forehead. He looked at the paper that contained the names of the therapy Noxians. How was he going to explain this to them?

Back to the present…

“And that’s how we ended up here.” Cassiopeia finished, leaning her head on her hand. Dr. Mundo confusedly scanned the waiting room, only seeing three Noxians instead of six. “Then where’s Sy-on, Sahmirah, and Kled?” He looked around the room, looking for his blue-haired secretary. “And where’s Jinks?”

“The other three decided to not involve themselves with this, and I haven’t seen Jinx anywhere.” Cassiopeia replied. Katarina thrashed around so hard that she fell off the sofa, letting out a pained, yet still muffled, cry.

As if on cue, Jinx popped out from a room that was labelled as the “Operashun room”, with a rocket in her hand. “So, Big Grey, Sexy Latina, and Crazy Old Man decided to high- tail it out of here?” The Loose Cannon made some finger guns at the Serpent’s Embrace, chuckling at her own joke. Yuumi looked slightly amused. Cassiopeia… not so much.

Dr. Mundo looked at the three patients, and puffed his chest out. “Look like we need big operashun! Jinks, registur them! Yoomi, get them to their rooms!”

The blue-haired girl seemed to snap a quick salute as she ran off to do as she was requested. Dr. Mundo himself sauntered off to get into his doctor clothes. Yuumi looked at the three patients, especially looking down at the struggling Katarina in amusement. “Please, follow me.” She said as she floated off on her magic book, before realising that she didn't have the slightest clue as to which rooms the Noxians were supposed to go to.

[[[[[]]]]]

Samira shot down another minion, reloading her guns after the shots. “Hey, Sion.” She asked, her tone carefree. “What do you think the others are doing right now in that whole Mundo thing?”

The undead warrior growled, giving off his usual scowl. “I could hardly care less.”

Samira rolled her eyes at Sion’s unwillingness to just chill out for once, but before she could make a remark about it, the hulk of a man let out a sound that sounded like… a piglet’s scream?

“It's her!” The Undead Juggernaut screamed as he pointed a finger at something across them before turning and running away to the best he could. Samira turned to where the man was pointing, and her eye widened at the sight of Soraka coming down their lane. “Oh, la mierda !” She cried as she turned heel and ran after Sion. 

The Starchild was hot on their heels, yelling out some sort of war cry in an ancient language that no one could possibly know about as she wildly swung her staff around. Samira Flash ed forward, but the Ionian healer was still gaining on the two Noxians.

“I'm starting to wish that we went to that stupid therapy thing now!”

“Shut up and keep running for your life!”

As Lux advanced down the midlane, she heard the Noxians’ screams, though she thought she was just hearing things. I mean, the feared Undead Juggernaut and the devil-may-care Desert Rose actually running and screaming for their lives? Please.

Ignoring the voices, she continued farming the next wave of minions.

Chapter Text

Dr. Mundo huffed as he pulled his doctor uniform on, the white jacket only fitting thanks to it being torn long ago when the purple man first tried it on. He grunted as he found his stethoscope, fitting it around his neck. Despite his concern for the three patients who were waiting to be treated, he was equally excited that he now had more people to care for. This not only showed that his treatments were working, people approved of them and were encouraging others to attend.

The Mad Doctor hummed a cheerful tune as he grabbed his medical bag and left his personal office to tend to his patients.

OPERATION 1: QEEURE ANGERY REDHED PROBELMZ

Dr. Mundo looked at Katarina, who was still bound in chains and gagged with a rag. Neither Jinx nor Yuumi had bothered freeing her, for both knew she would explode into another one of her violent frenzies the moment she could, especially with her current mood. And even if they had taken her gag off in the very least, there would be no doubt that the Sinister Blade would rain hell on them with her potent vulgar verbal prowess.

Surprisingly, the therapy office was larger than Dr. Mundo had expected. It turned out that he had at least three to four more rooms to hold patients, and he probably never would have found out about it had it not been for Jinx’s questionable inquisitive nature. He and Katarina were currently in one of the rooms that was bare of any furniture and equipment, save for a small wooden table that was missing one of its legs. The floor was also blanketed with dust and smeared with grime.

“So,” Dr. Mundo began, taking out what he perceived to be a yellow notepad and a blue pen when what he actually pulled out was a concrete tile and a little scalpel. “What is your problem?”

Katarina answered by thrashing even more, her shouting would have been loud if not for the fact that her mouth was still gagged. With how much she was struggling with her chains, she would have looked less of a person and more of a demonised beast who was chained up to a normal person. Unfortunately for the redheaded assassin, Dr. Mundo was anything but ordinary.

He observed Katarina carefully, scribbling down his observations and hypothesis.

Patient is showing undeniable signs of mania and hysteria. Perhaps some damage has been done to the frontal or parietal bone of the skull, thus affecting the frontal and parietal lobes of the brain.

Katarina tried to scream at the ear-grating sound of the scalpel being scraped across the concrete tile. She tried to kick the Mad Doctor in the knee, yelling out, “Mmmm mmm!”

She should have stayed still, for Dr. Mundo took notice of her attempted assault on him and scribbled down more observations on the tile in his hands, thus creating more of that irritating sound. Patient is also showing violent tendencies and is behaving erratically. Drastic treatment is very recommended in such a scenario.

Katarina was still fuming, and began thinking up of very heinous things to do to Swain, LeBlanc, and this infuriating freak in front of her once she was free. 

Dr. Mundo set the tile and scalpel down on a nearby table, making for his medical bag and digging through it, searching for a certain something that he was certain would certainly help rectify Katarina’s problems.

“Ah!” He cried out excitedly as he pulled an injection out. The injection was grimey and transparent, showing the brownish substance it contained. Katarina eyed the injection warily, and her mind instantly pieced together Dr. Mundo’s intention with it.

“Mmph!” She cried out and tried to scoot away as Dr. Mundo drew closer to her. Alas, with her arms and feet bound together, she could only move so fast.

“Hold very still.” The Mad Doctor said as he grabbed Katarina, his hand large enough for his fingers to almost completely wrap around the assassin’s waist. Katarina bucked and writhed, but her efforts were to no avail as Dr. Mundo aimed the needle for a spot on her exposed forearm, his tongue hanging out of his mouth and his milky eyes narrowing in concentration.

The tip of the needle was plunged into Katarina’s arm, and Dr. Mundo injected the substance, ignoring the assassin’s muffled curses and equally muffled screams. The treatment was a success.

However, before Dr. Mundo could celebrate, Katarina went limp in his arms, her movements ceasing. Frantic, he dropped the needle, grabbed the assassin by the shoulders, and shook her quite violently, going so far as to slap her across the face a few times.

“You no die on me!” He cried out as he desperately searched the redhead for any signs of life. After a few moments of getting no reaction, he mournfully laid Katarina on the floor, which now felt more cold and hard than usual. The patient was lost.

Before he could properly mourn the supposed loss, however, Jinx entered the room. “Yo, doc.” She called out. “Snake lady decided to leave already, said she was feeling much better.”

Dr. Mundo turned to the blue-haired girl, and upon the mention of Cassiopeia saying that she felt better, he instantly forgot about the seemingly dead redheaded assassin on his floor and followed Jinx out to review what the Loose Cannon had done to help the Serpent’s Embrace overcome her mental struggles.

Had either of the Zaunite champions stayed for a moment longer, they would have seen Katarina’s body shrink to a size that formed a small bulge under her clothes, and if they had stayed for a few more moments longer after the aforementioned moment, they would have heard a soft baby coo from under the clothes.

[[[[[]]]]]

OPERATION 2: HELP SNAKE LADY

Jinx eyed Cassiopeia curiously as the half-serpent lady slithered into her operating room. Unlike the previous room, this room had a little armchair in the centre of it, and there was an old telly sitting by the side. The problem with the dust and grime was still prominent, however.

“Why do you even have to come here anyway?” Jinx asked as Cassiopeia took in her surroundings, catching the older woman cringing in disgust at the grime stains. “You’re like, one of the sanest people around here, and I’m insane.”

Cassiopeia sighed. “Well, it seems that LeBlanc has taken issue with the way I have a chinwag with my colleagues within Black Rose and in Noxus. She apparently hopes that attending this ridiculous tomfoolery of a therapy service will help rectify the problem I have with my eloquent pattern of speech, as not only does it perplex those whom I talk with, it also makes me sound risible.”

Jinx blinked a few times, completely missing everything that Cassiopeia was trying to say. She put a fist to her mouth, cleared her throat once, and then spoke, “Well, pardon my French, but I really don't see how talkin’ like that can make you rizz-able.”

Cassiopeia said nothing, instead placing a palm to her face in an exasperated manner. “Forget it.”

Jinx looked around the room, trying to think up of a solution to Cassiopeia’s “rizz-able” problem. She twirled around the room once with a hand to her chin, then her eyes landed on the old telly in the corner, and an idea struck her like Volibear’s thunder, only that it didn't hurt as badly. In fact, it didn't hurt at all.

“I've got an idea for your rizz-able problem, snakey.” Jinx said triumphantly as she walked out of the room to gather what she needed.

Cassiopeia sighed and placed her face in a hand. “I said risible , you lamebrained personage.”

[[[[[]]]]]

Cassiopeia stared incredulously at the films Jinx had in her hands. She bent down a little and squinted her eyes to get a better look at their titles.

“ Get Good or Die ? C.P ? What’s all this?”

Jinx chuckled as she haphazardly dumped the films in a pile. “And there’s a lot more where that came from.” The Loose Cannon said, grinning widely. “I saw this documentary where a guy learned to speak normally after watching these S-tier movies!”

Cassiopeia’s expression was one of skeptism. Of all people in Runeterra, Jinx was definitely the last person she could trust to actually watch a credible documentary. “Who is the director, and what is its title?”

Jinx scrunched her face up as she tried to remember. “I think it was Learning Through Addiction or something like that.”

Cassiopeia hadn’t heard of that one before. “Where did you watch it?”

“Oh, when I snuck into Fat Hands’ room to bug her. I watched it while waiting for her to be done with her Cupcake.”

Cassiopeia sighed, seeing no point in continuing the current conversation. The longer she stayed here, the longer it would take for her to return to her business affairs. “Let’s proceed, shall we?”

“Sure!” The blue-haired girl chirped as she dragged the old telly to the front of the chair, where Cassiopeia was (not really, since she had no legs and posterior) sitting. She grunted with the effort of dragging it, for the telly was quite heavy for her, but she managed anyway. “Here we go.” She said quietly as she picked up the first fim, Planet of the Poros .

Cassiopeia coiled up, watching with mild interest as Jinx started up the telly and inserted the poro movie inside it. Before she could fathom a reason as to how the ancient-looking telly could even work, the screen lit up in a flash of bright light, causing the serpent woman to hiss and briefly cover her eyes before the light could sear all the way to the back of her retinas.

Jinx, satisfied with her work, left the room to let the Serpent’s Embrace’s treatment play out. 

[[[[[]]]]]

Cassiopeia slithered out of the room, blinking rapidly and moving unsteadily as though she was shell-shocked. The movie had been forty minutes long, but those were forty minutes of her life that she was never getting back.

As she slithered towards the exit of the office, she was caught by Jinx, who was sitting behind the little receptionist’s desk. Jinx leaned over her desk with a small pout. “Leaving so soon?”

“Yes,” Cassiopeia said distractedly, pushing one of the glass doors of the exit open. “Just, uh, put the payment on my tab.”

Jinx raised a brow as the serpent woman slithered out of the office. Neither took notice of the bald, green-eyed baby who silently crawled out as well when Cassiopeia opened the door.

[[[[[]]]]]

OPERATION 3: DESTROY EGOMANIAC’S EGO

Yuumi floated around, observing Draven as the Glorious Executioner continued to admire his own reflection, displaying a behaviour not too dissimilar from Rick Riordan’s version of Narcissus, except that the Noxian wasn't as eloquent nor formal with his language.

Yuumi watched the man smooch at his reflection for a few more minutes, then floated off to get something. She returned with a pair of headphones and plopped them on Draven’s head. The man gave no reaction.

Yuumi then went to the little electronic pad that the headphones were connected to via Bluetooth, and hit the “Play” button.

Instantly, Draven began to unconsciously listen to the sounds that were being played by the pad. Yuumi lazily smiled at her work and left the room to wait for the treatment to take effect.

As Draven continued to admire his reflection, his ears could pick up statements such as: “No one loves you”, “You are a piece of garbage”, “You're always the gap that needs to be filled in matches.”

It wasn't long before Draven’s grin began to waver.

[[[[[]]]]]

END OF OPERASHUN.

REEZALTS: REDHED DED, SNAIK LADEE REECVURD, AX MAN REECUVRD

[[[[[]]]]]

The green-eyed baby away from the office, looking around at the Institute in slight wonder, wondering why everything was so big. As mentioned before, the baby had no hair, no clothes, not even a little cloth to cover her privates up, and the scar on her face was a huge contrast to her innocent and adorable features.

As she turned, a certain half-serpent woman came into her field of view. The woman was slithering away from her, a hand pressed to her forehead as if she was having a headache. One name ran through the baby's mind when she saw the woman before her: Cassiopeia .

With this thought in mind, the green-eyed baby crawled after the half-serpent with a newfound urgency, even calling out to her as she did so. Unfortunately for the baby, the half-serpent was far too distracted and wrapped up in her own mind to take any notice of the baby’s cries and coos.

Not one to give up, the baby persisted in her little pursuit, but compared to Cassiopeia’s pace, her speed was equivalent to that of a snail. In spite of this, the baby remained determined to catch up to the half-serpent.

However, her attempt to speed up cost her her balance, and one of the baby’s hands didn't land right, causing the infant to slip and fall on her chin. Given the baby’s soft body and equally soft bones, the pain that coursed through her chin was bordering on unbearable, and the baby burst into tears. She had lost sight of Cassiopeia, and she was now alone and on her own in the wide, empty space.

[[[[[]]]]]

Lux smiled and bid Miss Fortune goodbye before walking out of the lobby, her lips curved in a small smile. The previous match she just had had been a fruitful one, with her team clearing the opposing team with relative ease. Now, she had no more scheduled matches, which meant that she could retire to her dorm room and rest up for the day.

As she stepped out to the main hall, her stomach growled, demanding to be satiated with food. Lux chuckled as her mind quickly locked in on the best place to satisfy her hunger: Morgana’s Sinful Succulence, the place that made the best cupcakes, muffins, and all sorts of sweet desserts.

Stifling the urge to lick her lips at the thought of consuming one of the Aspect’s sweet treats, Lux quickened her pace to the Institute’s plaza.

Upon arriving, Lux’s ears picked up on the sound of a delicate cry. Her previous hunger quickly turned to concern, for a cry like that could only come from a baby. Lux frantically turned here and there to locate the source of the crying, and she soon found a lone infant sitting in the centre of the plaza, using her small hands to wipe the tears from her eyes as she weeped. Lux was glad that the current time was the Busy Hour, when most champions were too busy with matches or their personal affairs to come to the plaza, otherwise, the baby would possibly have been trampled, with how small she was.

“Waaah!” The baby cried out, her distraught expression too much for Lux’s heart to bear. She instantly walked up to the baby, kneeling next to her. “Hey, hey, it’s okay…” She spoke softly, so as to not alarm nor startle the infant. The baby looked up at Lux, allowing Lux to notice her green eyes and the scar on her face. These features were obvious indicators as to who the baby was, but in that moment, Lux was too concerned for the child’s wellbeing to properly pay attention to them, especially when the baby gave another wail and flung herself into the mage’s arms.

Lux placed her baton under her armpit, then scooped the baby into her arms. The food could wait, for this baby in her arms needed more caring for.