Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

What is evil? —Whatever springs from weakness.

悪とは何ですか？ ―弱さから生まれるものなら何でも

— Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

“You need to run,” Sensei’s voice was strained, but his hands never wavered as he weaved intricate hand signs. She could feel the cursed energy in the air, as tangible as the chakra he was collecting to form his jutsu. Sakura was practically choking on every breath, her lungs constricting as something burned beneath her skin, begging to be released. “Get to the village, make sure Hokage-sama get’s that scroll.”

Her ears were ringing, she couldn’t look away from where Goro lay on the ground, bone jutting from the junction between his shoulder and neck. His chest wasn’t moving, his green tracksuit was darkening, his skin was pale, and his chest wasn’t moving-

“Sakura!” she flinched, green eyes connecting with the milky gaze of her Sensei. She realized, dimly, that the cursed energy wasn’t just coming from the Hyūga across from her, but her too. It was a lot to unpack because for all their Sensei had acted as if he hated the genin assigned to him, the emotions that were ripping through the man were strong enough that Sakura could have raised an army of spirits if it were within her capacity. For all she disliked her loud and brash teammates, her cursed energy was more volatile than even her Sensei’s.

“The mission comes first,” Tokuma snarled the words, and though the veins around his eyes were bulging and there was blood on his lips, Sakura saw the tears that were falling. “Go!”

She wanted to stay, to fight a futile battle and fall with her team. She wanted to be a Hero, like the kind they learned about in the Academy, but there were her ghosts whispering in her ears, urging her to run, run, run, and there was her Sensei with his sad eyes begging her to not make him watch another one of his kids die.

“You have to live.” Sakumo’s voice was solemn, his hand unbearably cold as it passed through her shoulder. “Don’t make my mistakes, go, go, go.”

Sakura took the coward's route, followed orders, and ran.  

(But we’re getting ahead of ourselves, aren’t we?)

“Why is mama in there?”

The first memory Sakura can recall from her childhood isn’t of tender hands running through her pink hair, it isn’t of warm affection and loving words. Sakura's first memory is thinking that the sky was too bright for such a horribly sad day. There isn’t a cloud in the sky, the sun shining down on them at the height of Konoha’s summer. 

Sakura has never felt colder.

The funeral is a dull affair, not many people show up because the Haruno family are immigrants, and no one likes immigrants and their exotic features and strange behaviors. Back home, Sakura’s mother would have been sent off on a ship her father built himself. Burnt and reclaimed by the waters their homeland worshipped so reverently, while the village gathered as one body to sing their hymns and chant ancient tongues until the sun rose. the sunrise would imprint her mother's first work of art upon the universe and give way to how she would contribute to it every day that followed. Just as they were accustomed to believing that all those who came before her did the same. They would have worn white, not black, and they would have celebrated the life that had been lost by jumping into the ocean at the end of the festival. 

As her only daughter and heir, Sakura would have gladly cut her long locks short. She would have scattered her pink hair in the boat and onto the wind so that her mother might take something with her into the other world that would allow her easy passage home during Obon.

But their homeland was long gone, and as immigrants, they had to conform to Konoha's customs. They buried their dead, thick incense burning and releasing heavy plumes of amber-colored smoke around them, and it felt so unnatural that Sakura’s skin itched in a way that made her want to combust.

“They call it a coffin, it is what they bury their loved ones in.” despite the agony of loss her father was faced with, his voice was unbelievably patient.  There was a Monk from the Fire Temple watching them with wary eyes. He likely knew the land they hailed from and the Gods they worshipped in their own home's privacy. It was just as likely he knew how it went against every cell in their beings to have someone they loved so deeply buried in the earth and not set free upon rolling azure waves.

The natives of the Land of Fire would have said the sun shining so brightly on the day of a celebration of death would be a blessing. For Kizashi, who knows the weight of rain soaking them to the bone is a blessing of their God, he knows they have truly been forsaken.

“Come, Sakura.”

And because he has this knowledge, he knows he must raise his daughter to be as strong as she can be. This world is cruel, and she will catch no breaks. 

(And she doesn’t.)

Sakura is five when her father passes a tanto into her hands. It looks like it’s been commissioned to better suit her small stature, and though she’s never held one before, she’s seen Kizashi hold his enough times to not fumble too much with the new weapon.

“Chichi-ue,” her tone borders on nervousness, though it lacked any true conviction to give a hint that she was actually uncomfortable. “Isn’t this the kinda weapon mama used?”

Her mother had been a big fan of all forms of blades, and both her parents had only been accepted into Kohona’s immigration program because they’d converted to their military ranks. Sakura didn’t really know all the details, just that they had both been out of the house a lot to take what was said to be an unholy amount of assessing tests. It had been six months before they were finished, but when they were, they both had shiny Leaf headbands.

“One of many,” her Chichi amends after a moment's pause. She could remember, before they moved, how his hair had resembled a star. Five points and sideburns that turned into a mustache that used to make Sakura giggle whenever he’d made silly faces at her. After that mission, the left side of Kizashi’s scalp was covered in shiny, albeit jagged, scar tissue. He’d kept the other half cleanly shaven, and after a few awkward days of civilians staring in that way, they did (like they always forget that everything their Shinobi do was for the safety and prosperity of the state they reside within– especially when faced with something they’d traditionally call monstrous.) one of his co-workers had gifted him a bandana to wear.

Sakura made sure to compliment it the first time she’d seen it, if only because she could hear how he cried through the thin walls of their new house. She didn’t want her Chichi to be sad, she didn’t want anyone to be sad, but there was really only so much the young girl could do. So, she endured the intense training schedule– if she could do nothing else, Sakura could endure.

“You remember the kata forms?” his voice, once a burning inferno of warmth, was rather tepid now. Sakura tried not to get too upset about it, she knew that this was a softness no one else saw except for her. “Practice for an hour, then do your laps. I should return by tomorrow, dinner is in the fridge.”

He brushes his hand atop her hair as he walks away, his familiar parting gesture. 

Most nights, Sakura dreams of the ocean. She hasn’t seen it, their village was destroyed before Sakura was born, her family taking the title of nomad for many years before finally settling, but she can still feel it calling out to her. She dreams of the crashing waves dragging her down after a current swept her away from land. She dreams of water filling her lungs and the all-consuming darkness of the depths swallowing her whole. Sakura dreams of drowning, and she feels more at peace than any moment she spends awake and landlocked.

Sometimes, she dreams of a storm too. The sky is black as night, stretching on the horizon until she can’t see where it begins and the ocean ends. Lightning flashes illuminate a massive, swirling storm in the distance for the briefest of moments. Waves crash with a vengeance upon the shoreline, and Sakura can feel the wind ripping at her hair and clothes.

The storm whispers to her in these dreams, an ancient song of something unfamiliar reverberating in her bones. She feels the undeniable pull, insatiable hunger for something she can barely fathom stirring in her belly. Someone, somewhere beyond the storm, bellows her name, and Sakura wakes up sweaty and gasping.

The Haruno Clan hail from the East, their home has been long forgotten, but their ways were imparted to Sakura with the same fierceness that Uchiha or Hyūga taught their young. She was taught the prayers of her homeland, the customs of her clan, and above all else, she was taught about the kekkei genkai she was likely to inherit. If her mother were alive she would have been able to teach Sakura, Kizashi hadn’t inherited it himself, as it was all she had were her ancestor's journals and the basic understanding of what would come.

She could already feel the manifestation of it, being able to feel the cursed energy birthed from negative emotions was, ultimately, the smallest part of her Kekkei Genkai and yet the strangest to adapt to. Sakura found herself subconsciously drawn to people who exuded more of the energy than others, feeling oddly empowered when she was in their presence. Some of the journals warned against this, explaining that it was an experience that could border on addictive, so she always tried to ensure she didn’t cross those lines.

Everyone who developed her Clan’s kekkei genkai gained their own form of it, a cursed technique that was unique to them and them alone. As such, nothing could have prepared Sakura for the first time she saw a Yūrei, a ghost. She’d been visiting her mother’s grave, it was something she’d taken to doing after her classes for the day before she went home for more training.

“So young,” an unfamiliar voice sighed from behind where Sakura was kneeling in front of the grave, praying to her Gods and offering her respect. It was odd because most people tended to keep to themselves when they came to the cemetery, especially the Shinobi that frequented the grounds, but the man behind her was certainly a Ninja if his appearance was anything to go off of. “Too young, just like my boy. I’m so sorry.”

“Hey mister, why is there blood on your belly?” surprised grey eyes blinked down at her, the strange man’s face clearing as if he was actually seeing her for the first time. There was a pause, and then the man was slowly kneeling down so he could get a closer look at her face.

“You can see me?” the man's tone was openly incredulous, brows furrowed and hands bunched in the fabric of his pants. Sakura tilted her head to the side, reminding the man of the young Ninkin he used to train.

“Duh,” was the eloquent answer provided by the child, her own voice bordering on rude with its tone of confused disbelief. “That’s’a dumb question, mister, and you ignored my question. Shouldn’t ‘ya go to the hos-pi-tal, if ‘yer bleedin like that?” 

It was cute, how she was so careful sounding out the word hospital to make sure it was pronounced correctly while insulting a supposed shinobi of her village all in one breath. It was the temperament of a child who was left on their own too often for their own good, that much he knew. Deciding to humor the slip of a girl who could somehow see him, the man smiled indulgently and nodded.

“That’s very smart of you, yes I suppose I should, but it wouldn’t matter at this point.” a soft summer breeze swept through the cemetery, ruffling Sakura’s hair and clothes. He could see the exact moment understanding lit up her bright green eyes, because his long white hair remained unchanged by the wind, as did his clothing. He realized, darkly, that this was a little genius and that there was likely no point in sugar-coating anything. After all, she was here, she already understood what death was.

“My name is Sakumo Hatake, and I’ve been dead for tweleve years.”

It seemed fitting that her kekkei genaki would awaken in the cemetery, of all places. 

"There are two hundred and fifteen stances in the Haruno kata," Kizashi stood across from Sakura in their modest backyard, the high fences that blocked off their yard offered a quieter and more secluded environment than any of the training grounds. "We'll be starting you on the first ten today, and by next week you should be ready for the next ten." 

A soft breeze rustled the leaves in the tree overhead, Sakumo remains unchanged where he stands beside her father. 

"Hmm, there are fewer stances in the Hatake kata, I'm interested to watch." Sakura twitched, but otherwise managed to remain aloof. She wasn't quite used to seeing ghosts now, and while Sakumo was her first he hadn't been her last. Ghosts clustered the streets of Kohona, and civilians wandered aimlessly, sometimes calling out to their families. Children's ghosts spent their days running through the markets, playing the phantom games they had once played when they were alive, their absence loud in the night. Shinobi were the worst, if they noticed that she saw them, they'd follow her until they were convinced otherwise. 

Sakura had been dodging the ghost of the Nidaime for a week now, much to Sakumo's amusement...he looked scary, and mean. She liked to pretend she couldn't see him, and the others. It was like a game, really. 

"If you're okay with that, Sakura-chan?" 

"Are you listening, Sakura?" 

Kizashi and Sakumo spoke as one, jarring her from her thoughts. The child blinked owlishly at the two men before she found her feet once more and nodded. 

"Hai," she slid into the first stance easily, not saying anything as her father tapped her arm and adjusted her balance. This was fine, she knew her duty to her father, and she knew Sakumo just wanted to help her. "Thank you." 

She would become strong enough to make the two men proud, so they wouldn't have to worry. 

As Sakura slid into the second stance, she wondered why her mama's ghost hadn't appeared yet.

She missed her. 

Having a father that worked for Konoha’s Torture and Interrogation Force had a few small benefits for Sakura. Most immigrant children had a lengthy process system into the Shinobi Academy, even more so than her parents had when being initiated into the village's military force. All Sakura had to do was hand off the entry form to her dad, who passed it around to collect enough signatures from ninjas who were known for their particular line of work that the admissions board took one look at it and gave it their swift stamp of approval.

That’s how Sakura found herself enrolled in what could be considered the baby program of the Academy, which was essentially the Pre-Academy classes. It was by pure virtue that Sakura ended up in this particular class because she was technically listed as a clan heir, which meant she was shifted out of the civilian classes and in with the clan heirs of the village. It was, perhaps, a slightly higher level than the civilians were taught at but for Sakura, who had been running through kata forms and chakra exercises for as long as she’s been able to stand, she was utterly bored.

“Iruka-sensei!” the shrill voice of one Uchiha Sasuke cut through the peaceful afternoon, the tiny boy pointing accusingly at a rather smug-looking Sakura. “She called me the B word!”

Iruka fought back a sigh, saying a silent prayer for the patience dealing with the young Haruno often required. There was something about young prodigies not receiving the right amount of stimulation that made their problem become everyone’s problem.

“Motherfucker doesn’t start with a B , Uchiha-san.” Sakura said primly, dusting imaginary dirt from her shoulder with a graceful flick of her wrist that not many children her age held. 

Iruka couldn't surpass the sigh, in the end. He was going to turn in the early advancement paperwork today. There was only so much of Haruno he could handle alone, and he was sure the tests wouldn't place her too far beyond her peers. 

(He was, in fact, very wrong.)

Sakura naturally gravitates toward water, which is why she so often frequents the Nakano River. She knows she's technically not allowed to come here, this is Uchiha land and she's trespassing, but she really can't resist. This is where she finds him, the boy with dark hair and one eye. Sakumo isn't with her, or she'd have gotten a lecture for sticking her nose where she ought not to. 

In the end, though, Sakura will never regret meeting Shisui. 

He has the most cheerful deposition, despite being very notably dead. He sticks with her after she finds him in the water. There's an uproar from the Uchiha because this tiny little immigrant child found one of their own dead on their land, but eventually, they call it suicide. Shisui tells her he'll explain it all better when she's older, but in a few weeks, none of it matters anymore. 

There are no Uchiha left alive to be mad that she trespassed on their land, just one small boy so full of cursed energy being near him makes Sakura feel physically ill. 

The Academy really wasn't all that bad, the clan kids in her class were smarter than average civilian children. It was normal for most of them to start receiving training around the same time Sakura had. They should have, theoretically, all been on even standing when it came to their classes. 

As it was, Sakura had begun to improve in leaps and bounds after meeting Shisui. Unlike Sakumo, who was firm in his belief that Sakura should strive to enjoy her childhood while she could, the Uchiha was determined to give her the means to survive in any scenario. The two ghosts had clashed over this in the beginning, but as more time passed Sakumo seemed to reluctantly agree. 

They gave her tips and tricks during classes and her personal training alike, and as days turned into weeks, Sakura rose to the number one spot in every area of her classes. Except for what, that is.

Uchiha Sasuke, the frustrating little bastard that he was, still managed to outperform her in their weapons training. No matter how hard she tried or how much she practiced, she could never quite hit the bullseye. Shisui had been kind in his reassurances, apparently, Sasuke had been practicing his aim with his older brother for as long as he’d been able to walk. Apparently, Uchiha were just naturally gifted. 

Naturally, this absolutely enraged Sakura. She attacked the obstacle with a newfound fury, making her ghosts demonstrate their own techniques over and over again until she could replicate them by reflex. She’s taken to training even through lunch, so set in this newfound goal as she was.

She was practicing a stance Shisui showed her when one loud blonde Yamanaka came stomping right up to her and shoved an accusing little finger against Sakura’s nose. 

“Teach me how to throw like that, or else!” 

There was a distinct pause, Sakura blinking slowly at the taller girl as she tried to process her demand all while Ino glared down at her with the jaunty expression only a clan-raised heir could really pull off at their age. Behind her, Shisui snorted a laugh. 

“Aa,” she slumped in defeat, having the distinct impression that if she turned down Ino there would only be more trouble than it was worth next time. “Yeah, alright.” 

And thus, an exuberant albeit reluctant friendship blossomed. 

Apparently, becoming friends with Ino was a gateway to friendship with Shikamaru and Choji. Not that Sakura was complaining, really. The three of them were relatively peaceful individuals to be around, while Ino was the only one who trained with her— Shikamaru preferred naps and cloud watching to kata stances, and Choji was happy to snack and chat as opposed to weapons training, it made for her last few weeks in the Academy to be something passable as enjoyable. 

“Is Iruka-sensei still giving you all those weird tests?” Choji was a bit hard to understand, given he was speaking with a mouthful of BBQ pork rinds. 

The four of them were taken their lunch out in the hills today, enjoying the cool grass and bright sun as opposed to those who stayed indoors. Ino and Sakura were both going through their separate kata forms, and Shikamaru was seemingly napping from where he lay. 

 “Mm, he said I only have four left.” Sakura had three stances left, her right leg kicking high into the air before she spun in a fluid swooping motion. 

Ino flopped into the grass between the boys, sweaty but shining with her success. Choji held a chip over her and happily dropped it into her mouth when she nodded enthusiastically. 

“I finished first, that means I win!” Ino pumped her fist into the air, her elbow knocking into Shikamaru’s head. He let out a truly pathetic sound, reminiscent of a dog who had been stepped on and curled in on himself before shooting the blonde a reproachful look. 

“You’re uncivilized,” he grossed, flicking some dirt at her nose. There was a squeak, sneeze, and then a bellow of rage as she threw herself at the Nara. Choji quickly tried to shuffle away from their impromptu wrestling match, but the choppy boy wasn’t quite fast enough. 

The silence was loud as they paused, all eyes on the split chips laying in the dirt. A few little ants were already making themselves known, a line forming as they hurried toward the buffet that they’d been offered. 

Choji burst into tears while Ino and Shikamaru scrambled over each other to try and offer their lunches to him. It just made things worse, the two of them pushing and shoving each other almost sparking a second fight. 

Sakura shoved her bento box into Choji’s empty hands, effectively halting everything once more. Three sets of startled eyes were set on her, and a bead of sweat slid down the back of her shirt. 

“I had a big breakfast,” Sakura lied, dropping down beside Choji instead of finishing her kata. “You can have mine, okay?” 

The truth was, Sakura was starving. But before she’d met the three of them, she hadn’t had a single living friend. Giving up her lunch was a small price to pay, if only it made Choji smile. 

“Thank you, Sakura-chan.” he sniffled, looking at her as if she’d just handed him the moon and told him she’d plucked it from the sky herself, before clumsily opening the bento. 

Ino and Shikamaru finally separated, the two of them offering quiet apologies before they settled to cloud watch while Choji dig into her packed umeboshi with vigor. Silence and a blanket of peace swept over them for some time, and Sakura found herself enjoying this dynamic more than she’d thought possible. 

“They’re going to move you out of our class.” Shikamaru was the one to break the silence, drawing three startled looks from them. He sighed, and mumbled something about them being troublesome. “That’s why they’re giving you the tests, they’re going to to probably bump you up to the class above ours—“

”They can’t just do that!” Ino cut him off, leaning over Choji, though being mindful of the bento, to grab and tug at Sakura’s shirt. “You can’t let them! You need to- need to flunk the rest of the tests!” 

Both the boys let out outraged, surprised yells at her, but Sakura only had eyes for the blonde that was seething. Why on earth did Ino care so much? 

“You can’t tell her to—“

”We just met! You’re my rival, you can’t move ahead of me so soon!”

”Ino,” Shikamaru sighed, grabbing her shoulder and tugging her back. “That’s a selfish thing to say.” 

The blonde flinched and then wilted like a flower that hadn’t gotten enough sun. 

“We just became friends, you can’t leave us behind.” she whispered the words after a moment’s hesitation, tears gathering in her eyes. 

Sakura could barely surpass her surprise, not entirely realizing how much her attachment to her new friends was a mutual feeling. Warmth bloomed in her chest, and a small smile pulled at her lips. 

“Even if we don’t graduate together, you’ll always be my first friends,” she admits with a bravado that is entirely fabricated. Sakura wraps her hand around Ino’s wrist and gave it a little squeeze. “I promise.” 

As they settled back once more, she realized that while she wouldn’t miss the boring Academy classes, she would miss this.

"Team four, Kimura Ayanokoji, Lee Goro, and Haruno Sakura." 

After a series of increasingly tricky tests, just as Shika had predicted, Sakura had advanced two years above her age group. Her father had been torn, he was fiercely proud that his daughter was labeled a prodigy, but he knew what a swift advancement through the ranks meant. He knew, now more than ever, that prodigies were looked at with fear after the Uchiha massacre. He also knew they really had no say in it. Sakura was the child of a first-generation immigrant, she had to serve her village to the best of her abilities in order to maintain her good standing. 

She'd only been in this class for the last week of the term, just long enough to get over her nerves and to go through the graduation exams alongside the two boys who were now to be her teammates. Ayanokoji was pretty in a way that made it unfair, given the fact that he was a boy. His brown hair was long, longer than hers, and well-maintained. Precisely cut bangs framed his almond-shaped, pretty blue eyes. Goro was the exact opposite, his black hair so curly and unkept, only offset by eyebrows that were so thick they nearly covered his eyes. The boy's ugly green jumpsuit, and orange sandals (Sakura hadn't even known they could be bought in that color!) really didn't make her feel confident in the team she'd been given. 

One by one, teams were collected by their new Sensei. Sakura's team was the second to last to leave the classroom, Tokuma Hyūga didn't seem excited in the slightest to be assigned Genin, but from what Sakura knew most Hyūga had the emotional range of a teaspoon so maybe she was wrong.

"Kimura Ayanokoji, age twelve, excels in genjutsu theory. Lee Goro, age twelve, excels in taijutsu. Haruno Sakura, age ten, excels in kenjutsu and taijutsu." Tokuma‘s voice was perfectly monotone, his gaze so sharp that it felt as if he could see through them. "Why do you wish to be a shinobi?"

There was a distinct pause as everyone digested the information they’d been given. Sakura could practically feel the gazes of the two boys on the side of her head. Did they expect her to go first? She hoped not. 

"Maa maa, Sakura-chan," Shisui was dripping on her, forcing Sakura to shift to the right. That happened, sometimes. Not very often, but Tokuma-sensei had a particular aura of cursed energy around him. It wasn't as strong as Uchiha's, but it was strong enough for Shisui to feed off of it through her. it was, in short, annoying as hell. "This is so cute! Team bonding!"

Sakura barely surpassed a grimace. 

“I want to help protect the village, and my precious people!” Goro was the first to speak, his enthusiasm practically oozing from his pores. The boy was bouncing in place, face alight with determination. He had more energy than she was used to, more than she was comfortable with. Sakura was a girl who was surrounded by the dead more so than the living, and Goro was a boy who was glowing with life. 

Tokuma said nothing in response, he simply blinked. The silence stretched, and Sakura was working up the nerve to go next when- 

“I want to become a diplomat, and work my way through the ranks to become the Hokage.” Ayanokoji's stance was relaxed, though there was a set to his shoulders that spoke louder than any words. The goal to become a Kage was admirable, in its own way, but it was the kind of dream that often got laughed at. 

Tokuma looked at Sakura, and she actually grimaced. She should have gone first, how could she follow up to a goal like that? Compared to her teammates, she felt inadequate. If she were being honest, she wasn’t sure how to respond. Sakura hadn’t ever had the option to be anything other than a Ninja. If she was in good health, she was obligated to attend the Academy. It was one of the immigration terms Konoha held, and she’d been raised to honor it. 

“I am fulfilling my obligation to the village.” the truth had to be the best route, didn’t it? Tokuma seemed to be appeased, though the boys looked...unsettled. 

“Team Training begins at dawn, at noon we’ll break for lunch, from there we will fulfill the recommended amount of D-Rank missions required of our squad.” the man paused, seemingly to wait for any objections. Ayanokoji had twitched at the idea of starting so early but otherwise remained at ease. Goro was taking notes, where had he even pulled the little notepad from? “There will be weekly gear inspections, so please ensure your equipment is sufficiently cared for so you do not waste my time.” 

Team four seemed like an unlikely group, but they could make it work. 

Tokuma, despite how he may act, was not wholly opposed to taking a team. Most Jonin saw it as a chore, of sorts, but he preferred to view it as a mission in of itself. The future of his village was being entrusted into his hands, and it was his job to raise functional Shinobi to serve the King. He would fan the kindlings that was their Will of Fire, he would do better than his own sensei had done. 

It was, in a way; a form of retribution for him. Anko and Kano had atoned in their own ways, Kano had taken a team of his own some time ago. Anko had joined T&I, though people in the village still viewed all three of them with heavy suspicion. 

It was an aura of judgment he hoped his team did not feel because of their association with him. 

As it was, Tokuma felt as if it was his duty to ensure his team turned out nothing like him. That was why he'd taken to following his three students after dismissing them, a clone sent after all three of them while he headed to the compound to begin his nightly routine. 

一

Kimura Ayanokoji was from a civilian family, his parents and elder brother were part of a renowned merchant clan. That would explain why his kimono top was made from such fine silk, it was likely a graduation gift from his family. From what Tokuma had gathered, the only reason Ayanokoji had been allowed to chase the pipeline dream of becoming a Ninja was that he was the spare whilst his brother was the groomed heir to take over the family business. 

Their house was, in short, extravagant. It was bigger than his house at the compound, which was frankly a little depressing. His family was cheerful as they greeted him, and the pleasant smell of a home-cooked meal wafted through the open window. As far as Tokuma could tell, they were perfectly normal. 

He left as Ayanokoji's father was telling him how proud he was. Tokuma couldn't help but wonder if they knew just what his promotion meant, Ayanokoji would soon no longer be the cute little civilian son they raised. Not by the time Tokuma was done with him. 

No, he would be a killer. 

二

Lee Goro was an orphan, his records indicated that his mother had died while giving birth to him, a year later his father had died on a B-rank mission with a redacted location. He'd been placed with his aunt and uncle, but they'd perished during the Kyūbi attack. Goro and his cousin had been left in the care of the orphanage, though they had another albeit distant uncle who watched over them. 

On paper, Lee Goro had every reason to not be okay. He should have been an older, edgy version of the Uchiha survivor. Instead....

"LETS CELEBRATE BY RUNNING LAPS AROUND THE VILLAGE!" 

"HAI, GAI-SENSEI!"

"ON OUR HANDS, GAI-SENSEI!"

"AHAHA, THE RIVER OF YOUTH FLOWS STRONG THROUGH YOU, MY PRECIOUS NEWPEHS!" there was...so much green. So much...energy. "WHOEVER PASSES OUT FIRST, BUYS DINNER!" 

Tokuma felt physically ill. 

三

On record, Haruno Sakura was a prodigy. The rumor mill had gone crazy when she graduated early, they weren't in wartime but their Hokage was never one to let pawns go to waste. Haruno was brimming with potential to be molded, it was only by virtue of her father and his multitude of T&I comrades that kept the girl away from the clawed hands that would deem fit to mold her into something less favorable. 

On record, she was a prodigy and perhaps she was in some areas. The girl was remarkably smart, but it was clear as day that most of her ability came from hard set training regime. Perhaps it was an insatiable drive for power that drove her, perhaps it was the cold touch of loss at an early age. Perhaps it was something else entirely. 

Tokuma watched her pay her respects at the graveyard, her soft voice carrying as she detailed her new team to the well-maintained gravestone of her mother. It was indeed a sad sight to see one so young mourning in such a way that spoke of years of routine and practice. They weren't in wartime, their young shouldn't know this kind of hurt. And yet, two of his three students knew a pain that would be unfathomable to some. 

He was content to dismiss the clone, but then something in Haruno shifted. She tensed, stance sliding to the left so her back was no longer to him. Surprise shot through Tokuma as jade eye snapped toward his position, and then all the tension seemed to drain from her figure. She went back to speaking to her deceased mother, and perhaps it had been nothing. 

Perhaps it was something else entirely. 

"If we have to catch this cat one more time, I'll skin it and turn it into a pair of winter gloves for my Kaasan." Ayanokoji's voice was greatly muffled by the yowling cat trying to scratch up his arms, though Goro was shooting him a reproachful look. Tokuma-sensei was keeping a sedated pace behind the trio, looking utterly unbothered despite his three charges being various levels of grime covered and bloodied. 

"Cats are as susceptible to genjutsu as your average civilian." their sensei's voice seemed to startle the children, and beside her, Shisui snorted out a laugh. The three of them snapped to a sudden halt altogether, turning to stare at the Hyūga as if he'd grown a second head. There was a collective pause, one in which the Jonin instructor looked heavenward as if in prayer. 

"Why did you wait a month to tell us that?" Ayanokoji sounded as if he was grinding his teeth together, and Shisui's laughter only increased. It seemed the dead Uchiha had a particular fondness for watching young shinobi in despair. 

"Aa, Ayano-kun, I'm sure our sensei had his own reasons-" 

"That's bullshit!" his male teammate's outburst had swiftly cut off Goro, and Sakura watched with vague fascination as Ayanokoji's scratched cheeks flushed with his anger. "You're supposed to teach us, how can we ever advance if you don't-" 

"When you make Chunin, do you expect someone to hold your hand and walk you every step of the way?" Tokuma's voice had taken an icy quality, and the three of them froze in place. Ayanokoji's aggravated stance slowly seemed to defuse, though a bead of sweat slid down his temple to his chin. "As your Sensei, it is my job to guide you, to help build you into a healthy foundation befitting of the village you are representing." 

"The Shinobi Libary never closes, at any point, you could have looked for an alternative solution to a mission that ails you so." now, all three of his Genin were looking appropriately shamefaced. That was exactly what he wanted, to show them their faults enough so that they would want to improve them. "I was fully under the impression you especially, Ayanokoji, would do this for your team." 

Tokuma began walking once more, only pausing to press a hand to Ayanokoji's shoulder. 

"Your team will rely on you when any matter of genjutsu is involved, just as you'll rely on them to defend you whilst you weave genjutsu on your opponents." his student's eyes sharpened as a brief moment of understanding passed between the three of them. "I believe in my students, it's up to yourselves to believe enough in one another to put in the effort for one another." 

He let go of Ayanokoji and continued walking toward the Hokage tower. He knew that the three of them had the potential to rise above the coddling of the Academy, Sakura more than the others due to her lack of time spent in such an environment. Perhaps he could use her as the stepping stone for change between the three of them. 

"Sheeeesh," Shisui huffed beside Sakura, one sharp eye pinned to her Sensei's back. "Who knew a Hyūga could be such a decent Sensei?" 

Team Four stood at parade rest in the Hokage tower, awaiting their first-ever C-Rank mission, honestly, the three Genin could barely suppress their excitement. Sakura had been outside the walls before, but she'd been too young to remember it. As far as she knew, neither of her teammates had ever left their village, which meant this was a novelty experience for all of them. 

"Let's see," smoke softly billowed out of the Hokage's pipe as he flipped through a folder, humming to himself. "Tokuma- kun, your team has completed fifteen successful D-Rank missions. I feel their success rate gives me confidence in them for this mission." 

The old man withdrew a paper from the folder, stamped it, and then handed it off to one of the Chunin beside him who rose to fetch a scroll from the mission room. 

"There's a town in the Natsu province that is dealing with a plague, near Sooki Falls. It should take you three days to reach the town, and we'll be giving the medic you're escorting a week to fully treat everyone and stop this plague from spreading." the Hokage paused to take another drag from his pipe, head tilting toward the door slightly. "Aa, here comes your medic now." 

Moments later, the door was pushed open and a slim, grey-haired man slid in. Sakura hadn't seen anyone around her age with grey hair before, though most people hadn't ever seen someone with pink hair before, so she really couldn't be the one to judge someone based on their looks. She would, however, judge someone based on their cursed energy, and their new companion was practically oozing it from his pores. 

She barely hid her flinch, but somewhere behind her Shisui actually moaned. Honestly, it was kind of gross. Then the drip drip drip started behind her, and dread pooled in her stomach. She managed to keep a mostly nonchalant face, but this grey-haired man's cursed energy, paired with the Hokages and her Sensei was almost overwhelming. There was more, cursed energy permeating through the walls, but she couldn't see it or pinpoint it. Suddenly, it was all just too much and Sakura needed out. 

The Hokage was speaking again, but she couldn't hear him. She could barely breathe- 

"Sakura, I...you need to calm down." she blinked Sakumo was suddenly in front of her, she could still see her Hokage through him but she was choosing to focus on the ghost instead. "There is too much cursed energy here, but it's not affecting us how you think it is. It's you, you're channeling it to us." 

The cool, nonexistent weight of his hands pressed and passed through her shoulders. It grounded her, gave her something else to focus on that the energy that felt like it was shoving its way down her nostrils into her brain. 

"That's right, breathe, focus on diverting the energy away from you. Cycle your chakra, just like that good-" 

"Do you have any questions?" Saratobi-sama asked, wonderfully oblivious to Sakura's struggles. 

She swallowed a hysterical laugh, wondering how much trouble she'd be in if she asked him to repeat everything. Instead, she simply shook her head no. She'd ask her Sensei for a recap while they traveled. They stepped out of the room and into the hallway once the Chunin threw the mission scroll to Tokuma, who caught it easily and slid it into his weapons pouch in a smooth, fluid movement. 

Kabuto followed them silently, though once they were outside he bowed deeply to her team. 

"My name is Yakushi Kabuto, please take care of me." he said, a pleasant smile set on his face once he rose once more. "I was granted access to your basic files, so I already know your names, but could you please...?" 

"Gladly!" Goro snapped to attention, his eyes shining as if the stars themselves had suddenly manifested within his gaze. "I am Lee Goro, you may call me Goro! These are my wonderfully youthful teammates, Kimura Ayanokoji, Haruno Sakura, and our Jonin Sensei Hyūga Tokuma! We will protect you until our dying breath!"

"...Aa," Kabuto blinked, looking as if he wasn't quite sure how to deal with the energy Goro absolutely exuded. "Thank you, Goro-kun." 

Tokuma-sensei coughed softly, gaining the attention of the four Genin in front of him. 

"We'll be leaving at dawn tomorrow, all of you should pack for a month-long mission. Remember, it is better to be over-prepared than under-prepared...Goro, no nunchucks." Sensei waved his hand in a dismissive manner, offering a small smile to his team. "Meet me at the gate, don't be late, and don't forget your identification card." 

"Hai, Tokuma-sensei!" 

Sakura stood outside the cutest cat cafe in Kohona, a copy of her mission scroll held loosely in one hand, while her other hand balanced a cup of Kakigori. She'd only been here twice before, though it wasn't because she wasn't allowed. She'd had access to the cafe for years, and the first level of it was everything it ought to be. 

Sakura stepped in, the staff calling out a greeting as the bells jingled delicately on the door. Cats lounged as far as the eye could see, some even taking up tables, others getting in the way underfoot, while others cuddles up to the customers. The decor was light, pink, and green, and there were so many windows that sunbeams made the well-polished floors shine brilliantly. The back of the cafe opened up to a screened patio area, and to the left were several doors that lead to lounge rooms people could reserve to relax with their favorite cats. 

Koneko was advertised to Shinobi and civilians alike, it was the number one most relaxing, and renowned establishment in the village. And so, it wasn't odd to see a Shinboi, be it Genin to  Jonin, requesting one of the private rooms. If anything, it was encouraged. Kohona believed in showing their civilians that their Shinobi were human too, and humans loved cute cuddly things. 

"How can I help you today?" the girl behind the counter was dressed in their bright uniform, for women it was a melon green shirt, for the men it was bright pink. All of them were wearing cat ears. It was... ridiculously funny. 

"Aa, snack time is at 3 o’clock, what time is it now?" Sakura titled her head, expression as bland and bored as possible. She was playing her part, the part she'd been coached in if she wanted to enter this establishment. The woman, a blonde with pupilless eyes, smiled brightly at her. 

"It's two o’clock," she held up two fingers, in the imitation of a peace sign. Sakura resisted the urge to frown, maybe she should visit Ino next. "Would you like to reserve a private room until then?" 

"Yes," Sakura smiled, her own eyes lighting up as a fluffy grey cat wound its way around her ankles and purred. "Only for an hour, please." 

She was led into the middle room, the door locked behind them. At first glance, this room was just like the others. It was filled with plush furniture, snoozing cats, and the distinct smell of coffee. 

And then the door that was embedded into the furthest wall opened, and a staircase leading to the depths of the T&I department was revealed. 

"I'll see you on your way out, Haruno-san!" Yamanaka Aki had known Sakura since her father had first started working for the division, just as she knew everyone else that entered the cafe. It was part of her job, after all. 

“Chichi-ue,” Sakura held up the cup of Kakigori, the melting ice dripping between her fingers and onto the grey cement floor. "I've received my first C-Rank mission." 

Kizashi is wearing a stained white apron and thick black gloves that reach his elbows, but he doesn't seem the least bit bothered as he accepts the treat from his daughter, taking a bite off the top of the icy dessert. Some of the syrup smears on his cheek, smudging what she can only assume is a splatter of blood. Sakura knows better than to ask, and despite how cold her father's coworkers are used to him looking, his eyes are nothing but warm and loving as he looked down at the pink-haired girl. 

"Thank you, Sakura-chan." he crouches down so they're at eye level, accepting the mission scroll when she holds it out to him.Kizashi flicks it open with ease, scanning through it quickly before nodding and handing it back to her. "I see, take the third pack instead of the second. Missions like this can be tricky, so let's overpack this time." 

Sakura smiles up at him, the brightest she had yet all day, and nods enthusiastically. 

She didn't really like coming to T&I, the ghosts were thick here. So thick it felt suffocating as they pushed in all around her, but it was worth it if she got to see her father. 

It would always be worth it.

Chapter Text

Every man has in himself the most dangerous traitor of all.

  
                                                              すべての人は自分の中に最も危険な裏切り者を持っています
  

— Kierkegaard

Their first day of travel went off without an issue, Kabuto easily fitting in with their team as if he'd been there the whole time. He seemed friendly toward everyone, though if he was more inclined toward Sakura no one felt comfortable enough to call him out on it, and she was a touch too oblivious to notice. 

As they'd practiced it, Team Four divided the work at once. Goro set to putting up their tent and bedrolls, collecting rocks and stones to establish a space for a campfire. Ayanokoji wandered off to hunt for their dinner, while they'd brought the standard Shinobi meal kits, from their survival training the three of them had agreed always to get something extra in order to offset the borderline grossly chalky flavor of preserved food, and so they could keep up with their diet requirements their Sensei had set in place for them. Tokuma-sensei went to set a perimeter and traps, while they'd practiced their traps he wasn't confident yet to let any of them set them for their camp. Sakura went to collect enough firewood to last them through the night, keeping a close eye for any sticks that would be good for roasting whatever Ayanokoji managed to scrounge up for them.

"This is your teams first C-Rank?" Kabuto had decided to follow her, offering extra hands to carry wood. She'd have preferred he didn't, the natural silence of nature something she would have enjoyed during her rather mindless task, but Sakumo was watching Sensei's trap-making to give her better tips later, and Shisui was trying to collapse the tent on Goro out of sheer boredom, so while she was free from her two constant distractions- what was one more? "You all lack the normal clumsiness my Genin team did when we made our first camp." 

She recognized an unasked question like that from a mile away, but Sakura remembered Ino, Shika, and Choji. She remembered how she was slowly letting Ayano and Goro in, and decided that maybe she could have one more friend. 

"Sensei had us practice survival training in several of the training grounds, in different terrains, for our first three weeks as a team together." she scooped two sticks up from the ground, squinting at them both and pinching the bark for a moment before tossing one back down and handing the other to Kabuto. "Half the day was spent on our physical conditioning, then we'd do a D-rank mission, and spend the rest of the day doing our survival training." 

"That sounds like a pretty strict schedule, didn't you want to enjoy your childhood a little longer?" 

"Childhood?" Sakura looked at him, confusion rolling off her in waves. "Kabuto-san, when we became Genin we became adults in the eye of the state." 

She turned away, intent on finding more wood before returning to camp. 

"Yeah, but...Sakura-chan, you're so much younger than us." he shifted the weight of the wood they'd collected so he could push up his glasses, the setting sun's light causing a glint to reflect off the glass. "Didn't you want to experience your childhood more?" 

"My childhood ended long before I received my hitai-ate, Kabuto-san." she added three more pieces of wood to his arms and offered him as cheerful of a smile as she could manage. "Do you...regret not experiencing more of your childhood?" 

The pair began their trek back toward the camp, retracing their steps as they went. Kabuto was looking at her oddly, it was a mix of intrigue and open interest. From what she'd gathered, he was at least four years her senior. Perhaps he had some insight she was missing? Tokuma-sensei said it was essential to get more than one perspective. 

"Aa, I suppose sometimes I do." he smiled at her then, his whole face lighting up. It was an infectious kind of smile, and she couldn't help but return it. "But I wouldn't trade anything to have the opportunity to be here now, and to meet someone like you." 

He sounded...oddly genuine. Sakura was a little confused, she hadn't done anything more than make him carry the heavy firewood and answer his questions, but his demeanor and tone were veritable in his honesty. She ducked her head, embarrassed to feel her face warm for such a ridiculous reason. Sakura, despite being viewed as an adult due to her rank, was very much still a child. Kabuto was handsome, but she was too young to be attracted to him physically even if his form was packed with wirey muscle. His personality, though? Maybe that was it. 

After all, he reminded her a lot of Shika. Maybe she just missed her lazy friend. 

When they returned to camp, Ayanokoji was finishing skinning three rabbits he'd caught while Goro was listening to their Seseni explain how to unseal the food they'd stored in their scrolls. The rest of the night passed in a peaceful haze, and if Sakura was a little disappointed when Ayanokoji took the bedroll beside hers instead of Kabuto, she'd never admit it to anyone. 

The following two days were spent much the same, with their camping jobs rotating- except for Sensei, who always set the perimeter and traps. Wherever Sakura went though, Kabuto followed. She found herself genuinely enjoying his company, their conversations ranging from their favorite foods, hobbies, career goals, to even their favorite colors. Shisui thought it was cute, but Sakumo was wholely acting the part of an overprotective parent. 

It was sobering when they finally made it to the town, the effects of the plague that had thus far run rampant through the citizens, their young and old were the worst off, as were most of the women. Oddly enough, most men were completely fine or only had mild symptoms. Kabuto gave them all a crash course on how they ought to try their best to avoid becoming ill, and so they continued to camp instead of staying within any of the houses that were offered to them. 

"I miss my bed, tteka!" Ayanokoji flopped onto his bedroll beside her, groaning as he did so. "Camping like this for over a week now...my back is killing me." 

Sakura was trying to pretend she was asleep, though she suspected the older boy knew she was faking. Goro had left to fetch Sensei and Kabuto, they'd both been hard at work setting up a medic tent and set to trying to save the sickest patients all while finding a cure. She felt...useless, all she could do was watch from the sidelines as they put in all the work, she hated feeling so helpless. 

She wasn't the only one. 

"Stop pretending to sleep, Sakura." Ayanokoji nudged her with his elbow, rolling onto his side to face her. "It's rude, you kno-"

"Ayanokoji-san," she seemed to have startled him into silence, and somewhere behind her Shisui paused what he was doing to watch the interaction with a vague sense of interest. "Why do you want to become Hokage?" 

She wanted to take the question back almost as soon as she said it, a moment of silence enveloping them as he rolled onto his back once more. Sakura was being selfish, asking such a loaded question while they both simmered over being so purposeless in this mission. She knew the three of them were handling it in their own ways, Goro had been working in the fields to help the town's crops. Ayanokoji dogged Kabuto and Sensei to make sure they were eating and drinking properly. She made sure all of the food was prepared, and that their campfire never ran out at night, even if she lost sleep. 

It wasn't enough. 

"I remember the Kyuubi attack," his soft voice jolted her from her thoughts, green eyes snapping toward Ayanokoji. He was staring up at the ceiling, a strange shadowed expression she'd never seen on his face before darkened his features, twisting him into the shell of the boy she had grown to know and care for. "My parents were smart and lucky...mostly lucky. They weren't Shinobi, so they didn't have to fight." 

"They were able to take my brother and I and run to the nearest shelter," he drew in a deep, ragged, wet breath and Sakura knew she needed to look away, to offer him some form of space, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Tears were sliding from his eyes toward his ears, dampening his pillow. The cursed energy swirled around him in an almost tangible form, she'd barely ever noticed it before but right now it was so bright it was almost like...like she could see colors in it, like it was alive. "My aunt and uncle were Shinobi." 

Sakura swallowed hard and suddenly wished she'd never asked. She didn't know how to face so much emotion, and she was hit with the urge to bolt from the tent before it could go any further. Her muscles tensed, lungs seized as she ripped her eyes away from his face and prepared to-

A cool, oddly semi-solid weight covered her forehead. 

"He needs your support, Sakura-chan." Shisui's single eye bore into her own, his words enough to make her freeze once more. "You can do this, can't you?" 

This had to be enough. 

"Hokage-sama didn't come to any of the funerals," a sob ripped through Ayanokoji's chest, and suddenly she understood. "I just- I thought, I want better for the village. Someday, I'll be the kind of Hokage that's there for people during the good, but especially duing the- the bad." 

It was a more admirable goal than she had herself, and Sakura's chest was suddenly filled with so much warmth as she realized her teammate was actually, kind of, sort of, amazing. 

"My mama died on a mission the Hokage specifically asked her to go on." her confession seemed to choke his crying to an abrupt halt, and she could feel his blue eyes burning a hole into the side of her face. It didn't bother her like it once may have, not even a little bit. "The Hokage didn't attend her funeral." 

Shisui hummed in approval, finally moving his hand from her head. The energy swirling around the tent was slowly evaporating like smoke into the air, and Sakura felt like she could breathe again.  

"I would be honored to serve a Hokage as noble as you aspire to be, Ayanokoji-kun." 

His breath skipped at the change in honorific, and then he was crying harder, thanking her profusely. 

Outside the tent, Goro wiped away his own tears.

Every nation has unique customs for how they tend to their dead. Sakura knows this, she’d seen how her own mother was buried rather than burned. She had hated it. They should have been allowed to burn her, but her father had too much at stake to follow old traditions. It was something that always sparked rage in the young girl, and she’d promised herself long ago she’d never bury a loved one like that again.

This, though? Well, this was different. These weren’t the bodies of anyone who hailed from the East, like her. These were children of Fire, and they deserved to be put to rest.

Instead, there was a pile of bodies.

There was a pile of bodies and Sakura stood alone, surprised by the discovery and yet oddly numb. There was a pile of festering, rotting bodies, and she didn’t know what to do. Her hands were shaking, and her skin felt hot and yet too cold, there were ghosts everywhere and––

“Sakura-chan,” Kabuto was there, he was always there, and she felt herself relax on reflex alone. “I’m sorry, Sakura-chan. We haven’t buried them yet, there’s still more…”

Not for the first time, Kabuto surprises her. His voice is suddenly thick with emotion, and when she looks up at him she’s shocked to see tears sliding down his cheeks. The boy turns away in shame, and Sakura has one startled moment to wonder why everyone suddenly felt so comfortable crying around her, and then she threw herself at him.

It was a little ridiculous. Kabuto was taller than her, so her head was knocked into the lower part of his chest, but her arms were firm as she wrapped them around him. She felt him tense for a moment, muscles going taunt beneath her arms, and then he folded in on himself.

Strong arms wrapped around Sakura, and she found herself caught in a hug as Kabuto quietly cried into the dark material of her shirt. She couldn’t remember the last time someone other than her father had hugged her, maybe Ino? Though it wasn’t like this, it wasn’t…

Sakura felt safe, she realized, and she found that she didn’t want to let go. Eventually, Kabuto withdrew. He pushed his glasses up toward his forehead as he wiped away the evidence of his tears, a faint pink hue dusting his cheeks as he regarded her anew.

“Thank you, Sakura-chan.” he let his glasses fall back onto his nose, and for the first time in two weeks, Sakura really looked at Kabuto. His skin was pale, his face looked worryingly gaunt, and he just looked so fragile. It was jarring, and concerning. “I’ve been trying to do my best, we’ve had to extend the mission, but I’m worried I can’t…”

He shook his head, glanced at the pile once more, and then offered his hand to her.

Three days later, Sakura fell ill. 

It went like this: Sakura had found the pile of bodies, and she couldn't stop the restless rattling of the ghosts grating against her ears ever since. She could feel them reaching out to her, a static kind of silent beckoning that felt almost monstrous as they cradled her. Everywhere she looked there were gaunt ghosts staring at her, begging for her to release them from this realm so they could seek their absolute peace. She knows there are duties that come with being a Haruno, that come with being a person who can feel and use cursed energy, but she hadn't made it that far in the journals yet. She didn't fully understand what was needed of her here, and not for the first time did Sakura find herself wishing for her mother's guidance. 

Why hadn't her mother's ghost found her yet? Why had Sakura been forsaken? 

She could barely focus on Shisui or Sakumo lately, not with the ghosts of the dying and the dead crowding her every hour of every day. 

Sakura saw the pile of bodies, she heard the ghost's pleas, and she had to do something. 

So, she started digging. 

For three days and three nights, Sakura dug grave after grave. At some point, Ayanokoji and Goro found her. The three Genin had stood silent for a moment, staring at one another and the bodies, and then- and then the boys had found shovels and started to dig too. For the first time since they'd become a team, Goro wasn't yelling about youthfulness, and Ayanokoji had no cutting comments. 

Sakura fell ill after they started to move the bodies into the graves. They'd tried their best to be careful, though Kabuto had tried to warn them away from it all. It was only after she noticed the odd marks on the bodies she’d moved. The first dozen had been mostly ignored, it’s not like Sakura was trying to heavily observe the rotting corpses, but the more she saw the more something wiggled in the back of her brain. 

They had similar marks on the crooks of their elbows, two twin-sized, minuscule holes that seemed to spiderweb black veins. 

In her fever-addled brain, Sakura could have sworn they looked like snake bites. 

The days following her sickness were passed in a haze, flash shots of moments standing out to her when she was conscious before she fell back into a sweaty slumber. 

The panic on Goro and Ayanokoji's faces. 

The odd look on Kabuto's face each time he fed her that sickly sweet medicine. 

She remembers her numbly cold fingers blindly smacking into the crook of her elbow in the middle of the night, searching for that little bite that her brain was certain was a death sentence. 

More than anything, though, Sakura remembered when the village elders, or at least what was left of them, came to visit her. They kept their distance, but they wished to pay their respects to the dying girl who buried their dead. One of the older women, more fearless than her male companions, stepped right up to Sakura's bedside. 

Kabuto had placed her in a secluded room, it was the small house of a fully deceased family. There was one room and one bathroom. It was the house right outside of his medic tent, he'd been using it for medical supplies storage, but he'd apparently wanted to keep Sakura separate from the rest of the dying and the dead. It was nice, she'd had the vague thought in one of her blurry conscious moments. The smell of the dead seemed stuck in her nose, she didn't want to lay beside another condemned soul. 

"Thank you, Yūkan'na hito*." the elderly woman leaned over Sakura, and even in her fever-addled haze she had enough common sense to want to push the poor woman away. She didn't want to be the reason someone died, Sakura didn't think that was something she could forgive herself for. "You laid them to rest at a great cost to yourself, I pray your Gods are watching over you." 

It was then Sakura realized the woman was holding a small, hand-carved wooden bowl in her hands, she didn't have the energy to do anything. Kabuto helped lift her enough for the woman to bring the bowl to her lips. Salt water filled her mouth, and Sakura realized several things at once. 

The first was that, somehow, the old woman knew of her heritage. Maybe she'd asked her Sensei, she'd never talked directly to her team about it but her immigrant status was on her file. The second was that this woman had managed to get ocean water while landlocked. She could tell that it was ocean water and not just salt mixed into water, the flavor bloomed on the back of her tongue and her mind and soul sang at the sudden connection to her home. The town they were in was nearly dead center in the middle of the Land of Fire, ocean water wasn't just something someone had on hand unless- 

Sakura blinked hard at the woman, dizzily noting the red hue of her hair at her temples. Most of her long hair had turned gray and snowy with age, but the bright crimson that marked a descendent of Uzushiogakure was something Sakura could have normally picked out from a mile away. 

The third thing she realized, with more dread than anything else, was that this was one of the final rites a person of Uzushiogakure was granted before they passed on to the next life. 

Sakura was dying, and yet she didn't feel distressed. She couldn't imagine seeing those bodies and not doing something.

No, even if she knew this would have happened she would have done it still. 

Everyone cleared out of the house except for Kabuto after that, he'd filled out another small cup with that nasty sweet medicine and helped her swallow it with an unreadable expression on his face. As Sakura dozed off, she could have sworn she'd heard him apologize. 

"You can't, she's not dead-" 

"Yet," Shisui's voice was seething, an edge of desperation in his tone that made her hair stand on end. Sakura was barely conscious, the effort of actually opening her eyes to look at her friends felt far beyond her current capabilities. "She's not dead yet, and if I can do something to save her, then I will!" 

"You don't know for sure," Sakumo's voice, usually as calm and soothing as a river was booming now. "The symptoms aren't exactly the same, Sakura has been checking for the mark and-" 

"I don't care!" there was something dangerous and coiling in Shisui's voice, something that she couldn't comprehend quite yet because she didn't understand. "If I can do something, I will. I won't watch anyone else I care for die, not again." 

There was a pregnant pause, and Sakura tried deliriously to make sense of what he'd meant. Surely Shisui couldn't have seen the massacre, he'd already been dead! But, there was this lingering doubt that tore at her mind. It was the only thing that could explain why he was so upset about whatever it was he was upset about. 

Wait, had he said that she was dying? Sakura swallowed the half-crazy urge to laugh, forced her aching eyes open, and instead let her head lull to the side. She blindly reached out toward her ghosts, feeling oddly unsurprised when her clammy hand made solid contact with Shisui's arm. 

"It'll be okay, Shi-" Sakura's tongue felt like lead in her mouth, her stomach twisted and coiled, and she leaned over the bed to vomit into the bin that had been left beside her. What followed next was several minutes of violent wrenching, her bile strangely colored; black, and almost bubbling. Distantly, her lessons at the Academy registered, alarms going off in her brain screaming something about chakra poisoning, but she could hardly process it while she was trying not to cough out her lung. 

Beside her, Shisui and Sakumo floated restlessly. Once the last of her energy had been spent, Sakura flopped backward tiredly. Everything hurt, her chest, her heart, her stomach, her entire body. Oddly enough, though, she also felt better. Her cursed energy thrummed strongly in her chest, and when Sakura closed her eyes and actually focused on it, she could feel it like she had never before. It was swirling lazily, content, and almost... victorious. Sakura couldn't make sense of it, she didn't understand anything that had just happened, not really. 

"Mmm-o-kay, Sushi," she lazily reached out toward him again, the words like rocks in her mouth, but this time her hand passed straight through his arm. Both of her boys seemed to sag with relief, Sakumo sniggering at Shisui being called Sushi, of all things, and Sakura was content to allow sleep to swallow her once more. She knew, that no matter what happened, they'd be there to protect her. 

Shinobi were paranoid beings, Hyūga Tokuma had been the student of a man who became the village's top missing-nin. Orochimaru was wanted by every nation for his crimes, and Tokuma along with the other two members of his Genin team had been heavily manipulated by the man. He knew how they were viewed even now, the judgment and wariness never quite fading in regards to the three of them. 

If he were being honest, a deeply rooted part of Tokuma never quite trusted his old teammates the same. Anko had worked hard to prove herself, she'd fought tooth and nail to rise through the ranks and become a formidable member of their Shinobi ranks. He and Kano had found themselves chasing her shadow, fighting for the same level of respect she'd ripped from the village. 

Even then, he did not fully trust her. However, more than that, he'd never begun to trust Kano at all. The other man had gone oddly stagnant after it all had happened, doing the bare minimum to rise to the rank of Jounin. He'd taken a Genin team and faded into the background so seamlessly that it was eerily familiar. When his Genin team hadn't advanced to Chunin over the process of several years, despite being seemingly rather competent, something in the back of Tokuma's brain tingled in a warning. 

Kabuto was one of Kano's students, perhaps even considered the man's star pupil. He wasn't sure why the boy's easy and sudden taking to his youngest student grated on his nerves. He should have been happy with the blooming friendship, his students needed to make solid connections throughout the village if they wished to reach the dreams they'd shared with him. Sakura being friends with an up-and-coming medic-nin of notable talent should have been something he felt proud of. 

Instead, every nerve in his body became lit like a live wire whenever he watched the two Genin interact. A deeply rooted urge to protect one of his own seeped into his every action and reaction toward the younger man. When Sakura fell ill, he'd felt utterly useless. He'd had to fully entrust her health into Kabuto's hands, and the oddly detached way he'd viewed every patient as if he was there to study them rather than heal, perturbed Tokuma. He'd managed to push aside those feelings for longer than he'd thought possible, but after the townsmen granted her the funeral rites, the Hyūga could no longer sit still and watch. 

Per his request, his clan had petitioned for his team to be allowed a switch out. They'd offered two of their clansmen to replace them, and within fifteen hours his Genin were breaking camp while Tokuma tied Sakura's limp, feverish form securely to his back. There were perks to being in a renowned family such as his, even if the fate of it all also condemned him.

Kabuto seemed reluctant to send them off, and perhaps it was because he'd formed friendships with the other Genin. He'd offered an unlabeled bottle to Tokuma, given instructions on when to administer her medicine, and Tokuma darkly wondered why he would be so sad to see them leave when his supposed new friend was going to get actual care from more capable hospital staff. 

Shinobi were paranoid beings, so Tokuma didn't give Sakura any more of the medicine on their rushed journey home. He pushed the boys to their limit, running through the night with only short breaks, but they both seemed just as determined to get her home. 

By the time they cleared the gate, Sakura's fever was gone and she was waking up. 

Tokuma's distrust of his old teammate and his students festered. 

Team Four stood in front of the Hokage, Sakura leaning on a crutch while the others stood around her. They'd waited until the hospital had cleared before, unable to pinpoint exactly what her illness was but noting that she was on the mend and could return to training within a week and to missions a week after. 

"Thank you for your service to the village, and to the Land of Fire." it almost sounded as if the Hokage was reading from a script, and something tugged in Sakura's chest. She remembered late-night conversations in a humid tent, the salty taste of tears, and promises. She laid eyes on her Hokage, an elderly man whom she once looked up to, and found him wanting. "We will be marking the mission as a success, while the town you were sent to was inevitably condemned, the Diaymo has-" 

"Condemned?!" the three Genin shouted the word as one, their Sensei closing his eyes as if he'd known it was coming but didn't want to witness the clusterfuck that was about to take place. Sakura wobbled slightly on her crutches, and Ayanokoji absentmindedly reached out to steady her.

"I apologize for our interruption, honorable Hokage-sama, but please!" Goro, ever the voice of reason for team four, had a light she'd never seen in his eyes before. "What even does that mean?"

"That's quite alright," the Hokage set down the papers he was holding, reaching instead for the finely polished oak box that sat upon the desk. Sakura could see that there was a large tree with deep-reaching roots carved onto the top. He withdrew a pipe that was just as finely crafted as the box itself. The elderly man set to filling it with what she could only assume was tobacco. He lit the match with an expert flick of his wrist, it spoke more of a repetitive practice than any form of skill. Beyond the faint smell of sulfur from the match itself, she could smell the faintest hint of clove. "I've read your mission reports, I cannot imagine how you three feel after all you've seen and done for the people within the town." 

"The citizens that passed the threshold of illness without risk of further contamination were evacuated to the capitol to be watched by the Diaymo's court, the rest were laid to rest with their families." a tense silence followed those words, and though he hadn't outright said it, they knew what really happened. Behind her Sakumo and Shisui shifted uncomfortably, and Sakura's heart gave a painful lurch. "The Diaymo recognizes team fours spirit of intrepidity, despite being faced with such a daunting scenario for your first C-rank mission." 

Clouds of smoke rose up into the air as the Hokage took a long drag of his pipe. Sakura's ears were ringing. He didn't sound nearly as apologetic as he ought to. 

"The Diaymo has elected to give Team Four a medal of valor, for even in the face of possible infection your unit persevered." no one moved, they hardly breathed. Behind her, Shisui scoffed. "While there is typically a reward ceremony, due to Sakura-chan's condition they are willing to forgo the ceremony for the time being-" 

"They're doing it to keep you quiet," Shisui hissed in her ear, his rage practically palpable. From the corner of her eye, Sakura saw Sakumo make a half-aborted motion with his hands. "You can't tell anyone that the Diaymo and our village conspired to wipe a whole town off the map, not with their fancy medal pinned to your flank jacket." 

A cold kind of numbness settled into Sakura's chest as they filed out of the office, her empty stomach churning in rebellion. She couldn't exactly pinpoint what she was feeling, but it felt an awful lot like guilt. 

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and soon she'd been with her team for over a year. As the passage of time flowed, Team Four became something resembling a functional Genin team. Though their Sensei had decided to keep them back from this year's Chunin Exams- Goro had reassured them that his cousin's recently graduated team was also not participating, and it was nothing to be shamed about -they still took their share of missions. 

Sakura was, though she'd never openly admit it, growing rather fond of her team. Five times a week they had team dinners, usually at their favorite BBQ restaurant, sometimes at Ayanokoji's house with his family, and though Tokuma-sensei always seemed to join them with an air of reluctance he never missed a single dinner. They developed battle formations, and their skills began to complement one another as more time passed. 

Though Sakura missed Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji, she was still able to see them as often as her schedule would permit. She'd walk the three of them home from the Academy sometimes, and she didn't miss a single birthday celebration. Every Thursday after practice she'd eat lunch with Kabuto at the hospital, and though she'd admit it to no one, it was her favorite part of every week.

Her father remained fiercely proud of her, and Sakura still trained with her ghosts, still avoiding the shadow of the Nidaime who seemed to be constantly hunting her down, she still felt oddly inadequate. The village spoke of Team Four with an air of honor, and it cast the gazes of some heavily influential people onto their backs. Their missions became progressively harder; they fought hordes of thugs outside of towns, took guard duties, the occasional medical run with Kabuto, 

At the end of the day, when Sakura was lying on her futon and trying to settle in for the night, she still felt like that scared little land-locked immigrant. She still felt wholly unprepared for what her future may hold, she still felt guilty for the dying and the dead they'd left in that town to save her. She still felt abandoned by her mother's ghost.

However, Sakura was also comforted by the knowledge that no matter what her future held, her team would be by her side. 

Ayanokoji's house was unlike Sakura's, for starters she lived in the Shinobi district. It was one of the largest districts, though it was also the most populated and carefully constructed area in the entire village. The ninja roads were heavily used in this district, so all the roofing had to have a special, reinforced material that helped conduct and displace any residual chakra. The apartments and houses were more compactly placed in most areas, there were Genin apartments- for orphaned Genin who no longer could reside in the orphanage, they had four assigned roommates and the cheapest rent options in the entire village, while the Chunin apartments had an optional signal roommate or a higher rent payment for a signal room. The Jonin apartments lay between the Genin apartments and the Chunin, the idea being that any Jonin that chose to reside within the optional housing could be there to assist the Genin if the need ever arose. 

Of course, most Jonin chose different housing options than what was set up for them. The more experienced Shinboi were the most paranoid, and most of them would rather have a more discreet living arrangement. 

The civilian district was the second largest housing area, but the houses here had a single set ninja road option, typically only used for patrol or for the select few Shinobi who chose to reside within this area. The houses were also more spread out, giving most civilians a decent amount of land for gardens and the like. This was the main reason why Ayanokoji's house was so different from hers or Goro's. Where they lived in a tightly built neighborhood, in small homes built with a Ninja's lifestyle and habits in mind, the Kimura family had a massively sprawling yard with a beautifully crafted, equally large home. 

Sakura had categorized the differences with an oddly detached feeling spreading in her chest the first time she'd gone; the window frames weren't enforced for entry, nor were they wide enough to properly trap for invaders. The ceilings were high and lofty, the support beams big enough to crush a man. The doors were hardly sturdy, just simple wood instead of the chakra-enforced metal frames she'd grown used to. The walls were thinner than even her own, thin enough for a kunai to go straight through if one used proper technique and force. All in all, it was just odd.

A strong enough, well-placed jutsu could decimate an entire neighborhood in the civilian distract, whereas, in the Shinobi's district, it would only cause minor property damage and some inconvenience. 

It made something prickle in the back of her brain, it screamed danger every second she spent inside his home. 

And yet, the Kimura household was one of her favorite places to be in the entire village. Being around Ayanokoji's family was comfortable, safe even. His parents were kind and generous with lending out spare rooms. Anytime Sakura's father was on an extended mission, if she didn't want to stay alone in her empty house, Ayanokoji's mom insisted she come stay with them. She'd even gone as far as to redecorate two of their guest rooms to better suit Goro and Sakura. 

It was a quiet act of kindness that reached deep into Sakura's chest and tugged at her heart violently. She tried to remember her mom on the nights she stayed over, more than ever. But no matter how hard she tried, Ayanokoji's mom was slowly creeping into that role for her. 

Sakura tried not to let the guilt eat her alive. 

Kizashi is gone on a three-week-long mission on Sakura's birthday, but she spent the day with her team. They train and then go to a dinner where Kabuto surprises them all by showing up, much to her Sensei's displeasure. It's a beautiful day spent with laughter, joy, and light. Goro gifted her a pair of nunchucks with pink accents on the handles and sakura petals engraved onto the cool steal, it's more of a joke than anything- Sakura will likely never use them, but she will proudly display them in her room. Sensei gifted her with a new tanto, the blade was stark white, and he told her that the metal had been forged in the mountains where the snow blessed and purified it. Kabuto had given her a book on medical theory, a pamphlet to the hospital's medic program nestled between the pages, the book was well used- the fact that it was likely his own book warmed her more than it ought to. Ayanokoji's gift was from his entire family, and it was a beautifully crafted blue kimono top, there were silvery waves threaded into the back of it. 

All in all, Sakura loved every single one of her gifts, though if she were being totally honest she would have traded all of them, the entire day, just to spend a single hour with her father. It wasn't that she was ungrateful to her team and friends, there were simply traditions that came along with her birthday that were being neglected this year. 

This is why Sakura gently refuses to stay over at Ayanokoji's house that night, she'd been there since her father left for his mission a week ago, instead, she brings a portion of her dinner from the restaurant home to pay tribute to her mother, and then she retires to her room for the night to rest. 

On her bed, sat the worn leather-bound pages of a Harunto journal. 

The story goes something like this;

“My brother, Ryō, is unwell.” Inzakō’s kana was smooth, crisp lettering that filled the yellow pages of the worn journal. It was the first entry. “He is our most formidable fighter on the war front, we cannot afford to lose him now.” Inkblots stain the page, hesitation birthing abstract art in the wake of despair. 

“Okaa-san is going to the temple to pray to any Kami that will listen.” In days of old, prayer was considered as strong as any warrior’s weapon. It was likely they would make a sacrifice to the Kami and pray from dusk till dawn. “May they have mercy on us, I cannot lose my brother- for if he is lost I fear I will lose myself.”

Before Hidden Villages were formed, clans claimed their own territories. Days of old were filled with front-line battles over prosperous land, kinsmen who once lived in peace clashing amongst one another. The earth was scoured and soaked with the blood of man. The Haruno were once a clan of ruthless Samurai. They followed the eight virtues religiously until their land was tried. They began to slip from the ways of old, traditions falling to the wayside in order to fight for what they believed was right. 

Some believe this is why the Kami cursed them. 

“Ryō has been doing better, but something is different.” Inzakō’s kana appears more rushed on this page, there hasn’t been an entry in a week. It seemed normal, when the woman was on the front lines she tended to write less. "I’ve heard him whispering to himself, talking to someone named Shin. Miko worries he will betray us, I worry the fever took his sanity.” 

The story really goes something like this;

A Kami heard the Haruno matriarch's prayers, watched her slit the throat of their beloved goat during hard times, watched the blood spill, and soak into the stone of their shrine as she cried. The Shinigami watched a clan bathe in blood for days on end to selfishly serve their own accords while crying for even those they’d slain, watched them bury their dead alongside their fallen enemies, watched them respect death even in war.

The Shinigami watched, and it saw untapped potential. 

“Ryō consumed the blood of a slain enemy, I watched him do it. We all saw it happen. Chichiue believes when he fell ill the Devil stole his soul.” This is the last entry from Inzakō for nearly a month, several pages have been ripped out between this entry and the following one. 

“Chichiue and Okaa-san are dead, it was Ryō-- he has gone mad.” Aged blood stained the pages of the journal, faded with the passage of time. “We are all changing, it is because of Ryō...he spared Miko and I. He says we are bound to serve the Shinigami.” 

“I would sooner die.” 

This was Inzakō’s last journal entry, the Haruno twins battled to death, but with that one simple prayer their Kekkei Genaki was born, and with it, their curse that would follow their ancestors- even into the next life. 

The journal left Sakura with more questions than answers, and knowing that she had to wait another year for the next journal was something that ate her up inside. Some traditions, she'd decided, are just cruel.

She hadn't had much time to focus on trying to make sense of what the journal had said- or rather, what it had insinuated. Her kekkei genkai, being less a birthright and more a curse was something that didn't quite sit right with her. Yes, the cursed energy could be hard to control sometimes, but being able to see Sakumo and Shisui was nothing short of a gift to her. They were her closest friends, the two people she trusted more than even herself. So what if they were dead and ghosts? It had never felt like a curse to Sakura. 

She'd wanted to ask her father questions about it all, but she knew he wouldn't be able to answer. He wasn't permitted to even read the journals, only to pass them on. Only someone with the kekkei genkai could open them, anyhow. To anyone else, the old journals were nothing more than a useless book. As it was, today was Omisoka*, tomorrow would mark the start of the new year. People everywhere across the village were participating in Oosuki*, working hard to prepare their homes for their Kami and their ghosts. This was a tradition that was largely followed, and so Sakura had never once complained about it when Kizashi broke out their cleaning supplies. 

It was midday, and Sakura had just finished airing out her futon when she spotted some particularly bushy eyebrows from the street below. 

"Sakura-chan," Goro screamed her name with enough enthusiasm that even the neighbors, though used to his antics by now, peaked out of their homes. "Ayno-kun and I are going to go into the commercial district to look for good lucky bags before the fireworks! Please accompany us, Sakura-chan!" 

Kizashi snorted from her doorway, his bandana of choice today had been one Sakura got him, it was pink with fluffy blue, kitten-shaped clouds on it. He was wearing a matching apron, holding a duster, and standing just out of view of any onlookers. He still had his reputation to uphold, after all. 

"Go ahead, Sakura, I'll finish up here." he'd waved her off, warmth making his eyes glow in a way that was so rare these days. Sakura didn't argue, she'd just happily dashed off. 

The streets were alive with activity, most people rushing around to prepare for the festival before the day was done, and stalls were already set up for activities and food. Ahead of them, arguing with a vendor about the price of something, was Ayanokoji. Unlike Goro, who was wearing his trademark green eyesore of a tracksuit, and Sakura, who was wearing a white T-shirt, her family crest sewn in black on the back, and spandex shorts, Ayano was wearing an elegant Yukata. It was a dark navy blue, making his eyes seem even bluer than usual, with silver stars embodied all across it. With every movement he made, the stars seemed to twinkle and shimmer. His hair was down for once, framing his soft features, and if Sakura were being honest he looked more pretty than she ever would. 

When he spotted them, he turned with a bright, heart-stopping smile. Sakura heard Goro swallow harshly beside her, and when she peaked at him from the corner of her eye, he was fighting a furious blush. Several things seemed to click into place all at once, and she had to fight the Cheshire smile that threatened to spread over her face. 

"It's awfully hot today, isn't it?" the girl sniggered, watching with barely contained glee as her most energetic teammate flushed deeper. "Maybe we should go somewhere cooler, nee Goro-kun?" 

He gaped openly at her for a moment, perfectly astounded at her pure audacity, before a challenge lit up his eyes like the embers of a fire set to turn into an inferno. 

"Well, Sakura-chan," he hedged slyly, trying very hard not to look at their approaching teammate. "If I get overheated, I am certain we could go visit Kabuto-san at the hospital." 

It was Sakura's turn to flush, though hers was more faint. She could feel her ears burning, and she didn't really understand the odd flutter in her chest. 

"...Baka." she muttered in lieu of a response, turning toward Ayanokoji and stomping forward to meet him halfway. 

Behind her, Goro laughed victoriously. 

The rest of the evening is spent in a warm haze of happiness. Team Four met up with their Sensei and successfully managed to bully him into buying them some food, yakitori for Goro, takoyaki for Ayanokoji, and ikayaki for Sakura. They wheedle him for stories about his youth, trying to drag stories of his own Genin team out, but they were mostly unsuccessful. It's a bit of a bitter disappointment, but he compromises by telling them about his parents and elder sister instead. 

Goro successfully catches a goldfish at the goldish-catching stall, much to her teammate's annoyance, but adamantly refuses to name it Sushi when Sakura suggests it. The boys seem vaguely horrified at the idea, but she thinks Shisui would love it. They played more stall games, Sensei vanishing after he wins at the super-ball scooping stall and accidentally launches the ball at a small boy in a blue scarf. The man the boy is with looks absolutely murderous, screaming something about the 'honorable grandson', and Tokuma-sensei vanishes before she can blink. The kid looks horribly amused by it all, and perhaps even a little relieved when his guardian takes off after their Sensei.

The sun is just beginning to set on the horizon, blue bleeding into purple and a soft shade of yellow. Instead of following the rest of the crowds toward the typical spectator spots for the fireworks, Goro leads his team to the top of the Academy. It feels odd, Sakura didn't spend as much time here as the boys did, so she barely has any of the same fond memories they do. He leads them to the roof though, up the massive Hashirama tree that the Academy was built around, and they have the best seats in the house. 

What follows is the most beautifully made fireworks show she's ever seen. It's the year of the Dragon, and someone found a way to make the fireworks with chakra and jutsu. They watch as a massive dragon surges over the Yūgen Lake, different sections of the fireworks breaking away to create the kana that lists their village, their current kage, and the well wishes for the new year. The dragon rose up high into the sky, sparkling blues and purples turning into a roaring sea of reds and oranges before it crashed down into the depths of the lake. The water surged, splashing the closest on-lookers, and beside her, the boys roared with joyous laughter. 

Instead of watching the fireworks, though, Sakura only had eyes for her boys. Goro's eyes are sparkling with joy, his cheeks flushed as he steals glances at their third teammate, and Ayanokoji is absolutely glowing. She can't help the flood of warmth that fills her chest, something that feels horribly like love making her heart race. She knew, at that moment, that she would follow these boys to the ends of the world if they asked her to. 

They were, perhaps, the most unlikely Genin team to come of their year, but over the last year, they'd grown closer than she could have ever imagined. Sakura knows most people would go to war for their Kage, to protect their village and the people within its walls, but she knows herself well enough to know that's not quite the case for her. 

She would go to war for Team Four, they were her everything, and as the fireworks dimmed and sparkled in the distance, she promised herself that she'd become strong enough for them to always lean on her just as she knew she'd be able to lean on them. 

That was her Will of Fire. 

"-set on a currier mission tomorrow, we've never been on one so far away so Goro-kun is pretty excited." Sakura was practically giddy with her own excitement from where she sat, it was clear to Kabuto that she wasn't the only one elated for this mission. "Sensei says, when we get back, it'll be just in time to get to watch Ino-chan and the boys graduate! I want to bring them home some graduation gifts, but I've heard customs can be a pain." 

"Aa, it sure can be, Sakura-chan." Kabuto took a refined bite of his chilled soba, pausing to finish his mouthful before he went on. "Where exactly did you say you were going?" 

"I believe they said the Land of Rice Paddies! Isn't that cool?" she set down her pork bun, apparently more interested in talking about her upcoming mission than finishing her meal. "I guess the Yakuza have been causing some issues, but Hokage-sama has an informant who's been keeping track of it all. Usually, we wouldn't butt into another nations skirmishes, but the fighting at the border is-" 

"Sakura," the girl in question jolted in surprise before she turned to find her Sensei approaching them at a sedate pace. The hospital's cafeteria was rather busy for a Sunday afternoon, but the few tables that were present seemed to be watching the new exchange with a barely contained air of intrigue. Sakura withheld a grown, the nurses were awful gossips. "We're going to go over everyone's packs to make sure the team is adequately packed, are you finished with your lunch?" 

Sakura turns a slightly bashful smile to her current companion, so she misses the cutting look in Sensei's lilac eyes when he looks at Kabuto. 

"That's quite alright, Sakura-chan," the silver-haired medic stands, offering his hand to her in an act so chivalrously kind that some of the nurses swoon in the background. He helps her stand, his thumb sweeping delicately over her knuckles and doesn't let go for a long moment. "Please be safe, and return to me in once piece." 

His smile does something funny to her stomach, her heart swooping and fluttering, and all Sakura manages is to smile and nod dumbly. Sensei exhales sharply behind her, an odd hissing noise reminiscent of a kettle boiling over before he gives her a sharp tug on the back of her shirt. 

"We'll be late, Sakura." 

Kabuto watches them go, and to all the onlookers he looks the perfect image of a love-struck young boy, his eyes gleaming with what they assume to be worry.

(They're all fools.)

Chapter Text

You can learn little from victory. You can learn everything from defeat.

勝利から学べることはほとんどありません。敗北からすべてを学ぶことができます。

— Christy Mathewson

It goes something like this;

They go to the Land of Rice Paddies. They travel as they always do, taking the tree route instead of the road, and camping as always. They rotate jobs and share inside jokes, and the mission goes exactly how it should be.

They reach the town that’s their set destination and make contact with their informant who passes off a scroll to their Sensei. They stay the night in the town's nicest inn, enjoying the hot springs and then eating the biggest dinner they can con their Sensei into.

It’s peaceful and wonderful, and it makes everything that comes next so much worse.

One moment they’re going home, and the next there’s a man in their path. He cut them off faster than Sakura could comprehend, pale slender fingers wrapping around Ayanokoji’s throat and breaking their formation with a horrifying amount of ease.

Sakura is in the middle of the group, the second closest to this tall stranger, Goro is on a branch to her left, two paces behind her. Sensei is at the back, the furthest away. Beside her, Sakumo goes very, very still, and Shisui lets out a hiss.

Sakura is on the defensive instantly, the grip he has on her teammate is deceptively light, but the pressure he applies when she instinctively pulls free her tanto is enough of a warning. She didn’t recognize this man with his pale skin and long dark hair, but there was something predatory in those golden eyes. His chakra is heavy and thick, and she feels as if she’s choking on the weight of his presence alone.

“Tokuma-kun,” the man hums, the noise low and warm in his throat, a slow smile stretching his thin lips and flashing sharp teeth. A shiver rolls down Sakura’s spine, and she can do nothing to hide it. “It’s been so long, is this your precious team?”

“Orochimaru,” their Sensei’s voice is resigned, as if he’d been anticipating this for a very long time. “What are you doing?”

The man laughs, sickeningly sweet, and lifts Ayanokoji as if he weighs absolutely nothing, The boy frails for a moment, hands scrabbling for purchase on the man's wrist. His nails draw blood, and the man doesn’t even blink. His face is turning a sickening shade of purple, and behind her, Goro lets out a low moan of distress.

“I thought it was only fitting that I was given the pleasure of meeting them, after all, you were one of my most beloved students.” the silence stretches, and Sakura watches as her friend's eyes begin to bulge, blood vessels threatening to pop. His mouth is stretched open, drool sliding down his chin, and she realizes that if they don’t do something she will watch him die .

“Sakura, Goro, formation D.” Sensei barks the order, his tone rough with an emotion she can’t quite place. It seems he’s made the same realization she has. “Secure your teammate, by any means necessary.”

Goro falls beside her restlessly, and after a single breath, they dive in.

It becomes clear in an instant, that the two Genin are way out of their depth. The man moves with so much grace, that it is more like he is dancing than dodging them. Even with the added weight of his current prisoner, not a single hit on him lands, and the two Genin only manage to create the slightest of openings for their Sensei.

Tokuma’s strike misses by ten inches.

The man swats them all away effortlessly, and Sakura doesn’t even comprehend what’s happened until her back collides with a tree branch three feet below where he stands. She feels something in her back snap upon the impact, and a hoarse scream tears its way through her chest and out of her throat.

When she opens her eyes, all she can see is Shisui and Sakumo through her tears.

“ Sakura, you have to let us help you. ” Shisui is more serious than she’s ever seen him.

“How?” she croaks, desperate and in pain and so, so, so scared .

“Do you trust us?” Sakumo asks, and there is a desperation in his own voice that is jarring. It seems such a strange question, because she knows she’ll never trust anyone more than she trusts the two of them.

When she says yes, she means it with every fiber of her soul, and that is all they need.

Cursed energy surges and swells up from inside of her by some foreign command, something deep resonating in her bones, and between one blink and the next her ghosts aren’t beside her anymore. Cold energy floods her system, and she embraces it by instinct.

There’s a cool filter of thoughts that fill her mind, it’s her and yet not, and them, and yet it’s her. Sakura can hear Shisui and Sakumo’s souls, and they sound like the drums of war.

Her hands move in unfamiliar hand signs, when she blinks she can see the outline of Shisui’s hands over her own, and then she is moving faster than she ever has before. She launches herself high into the air, Goro’s hand catching her own as Sensei yells Formation C– and then she is launched back toward the man.

Her face is pulled into a snarl as she swings her tanto into a perfect arc over him, and she can see Sakumo’s hands holding it too, and can see how a streak of white chakra chases her blade. She’s rewarded by the slightest widening in those golden eyes, and then he’s twisting away.

Her blade cuts deep into flesh, and slices down into the skin where the neck and shoulder meet until it slides against collarbone. An artery is hit, and blood squirts against her left cheek.

Sakura’s breath stutters in her lungs, and she’s staring into Ayanokoji’s beautiful blue eyes. Time seems to freeze, the air catching in her chest and refusing to move.

The man holding her friend had used him as a human shield.

It was Sakura who killed Ayanokoji, the blade she’d been given for her birthday cutting him nearly in half. A kind of tunnel vision forms in that moment, her ears ringing so loudly that she can’t even hear what her friend tries to say as blood spews past his lips.

A single heartbeat passes. She thinks someone is screaming.

In that single second, with life hanging by the spool of a spiderweb, Sakura feels something deep inside her snap.  

She thinks the screaming is her.

Never before has cursed energy been something someone without the kekkei genkai can see, not as far as she knows, but the spectators are gifted the sight of her cursed energy manifesting with such a violent surge of energy that it’s easily mistaken for chakra as it rips into the air from her navel outwards.

Stark white energy floods the space around her, lashing out with all the sharpness of a blade, and Orochimaru is forced to release her teammate when it cuts off his hand in a single, swooping slash.

Sakumo makes her catch Ayanokoji, Shisui is the one who gently settles him onto the tree branch, and Sakura is the one who screams her rage. The sound rips at her throat, and she can taste nothing but blood. The energy does not touch her boys, it weaves around them, but as she mindlessly lunges for the man, it drives toward him with the intent to kill.

There is something odd in Orochimaru’s gaze as he easily weaves around her mindless attacks, his smile stretching into something a little more bloodthirsty. Despite the fact that he now has a bloody stump for a left hand, the Sannin weaves hand signs with his right hand smoothly. One second he is in front of her, and the next he is at her back.

“You just became very interesting, little snake.” he breathed down her neck, and Sakura had only a moment to ponder how deeply unsettling that statement was before her world went fuzzy and then black. 

Sakura opened her eyes to a field of cosmos, beautiful and peaceful and- dripping blood, a once blue sky purpled like a bruise as the sun set on the horizon. There was a spindly man across from her, all skin and bones, rib cage protruding grotesquely. Sharp horns sprouted from his skull, fangs overlapping from his mouth. Something black and sticky was sliding down his glowing green eyes, the thing looked terribly sad. Tendrils of white skin stretched from his back, across the clearing, surrounding everything in the mockery of a spider's web. 

“You are not ready, Haruno.” his voice reverberated in her skull, making her teeth rattle and ears ring. Sakura felt ill, moisture collecting in her eyes but when she swiped it away, her hand was smeared in blood. “The ocean will call you home, do not try to run.” 

It felt like a Godly judgment was laid upon her, the ground shaking as shackles entrapped her wrists. Fate could not be escaped, and this was one that would drag her down to the depths of hell.

“You will be ready soon.”

It sounded too much like a promise. In the distance, unfamiliar hymns rose through the air, cut through the buzz of her skull. She could hear voices screaming her name, begging for her to hurry but to hurry what, she was unsure. Her eyes turn upwards, and she sees the gaping maw of nothingness ready to swallow her whole.

The girl blinks, and there is a brilliant blue sky above her instead of vast darkness. Plump clouds roll overhead, shadowing the glanderous light the sun shines upon the lush forest. She can feel dirt sticking to her skin and hear the crashing of battle not far from where she lay. There is none of the pain she expects, but there is a distant wrongness that fills her lungs with every breath. She can feel that something is missing, though she’s not quite sure what that something is or where it’s gone. 

(was it stolen? Did she lose it? What even is it ? No answers come to meet the flood of questions, and yet that wrongness stays.) 

The sensation persists with a vengeance, the feeling transforming into an all-consuming urge to move , to do anything other than just lay there and stare up at a sky that is so familiar and yet…not. And so, she moves. Her body springs into action like a well-oiled machine, jerking upright into some complicated backhanded spring-up that she must have learned somehow, somewhere, yet she can’t quite grasp the root of that knowledge. The sensation is reminiscent of trying to grab onto something slippery, only to have it keep sliding from your grasp before you can fully get a hold of it. It is, in short, utterly nauseating.

Sakura takes in the scene before her, the body of an unfamiliar boy lies crumbled not far from her, his skin pale in contrast to his dark hair and bloodied face. She stares for a long time, uncomprehending why the sight of this boy makes something in her chest twist painfully.

“ Sakura, ” the unfamiliar, familiar voice says to her left. The girl turns slowly, her own gaze locking onto empty eye sockets. There is a ringing in her head, and as he reaches for her, it becomes painfully deafening. “ It’ll pass, Sakura-chan.”

She finds herself doubled over, hands pressed over her ears as a groan of pain drags it’s way from her sore throat. She wants- no needs everything to stop . Something is swelling up in the back of her brain, and it feels like she cannot afford to allow her lungs to function correctly.

“ Don’t fight it, Sakura,” a new voice joins the first, and distantly, through the pain, something clicks into place in her brain. Yes, she knows them, they’re her ghosts.

Everything else crashes over her at once.

The mission.

Orochimaru.

Her tanto cutting through her comrade as if he were made out of paper.

She looks up with just enough time to catch the scroll that’s been thrown toward her. Her Sensei has Orochimaru backed against a tree, but the Sannin doesn’t look concerned in the slightest. Instead, he is watching her with an expression that makes a chill roll down her spine.

“Awake already, little snake?” a grin flashed gleaming white teeth, and Sakura was hit with a fresh pang of pure panic. There was something in the primal part of her brain that screamed attention like that was very, very bad. “The potential -”

“You need to run,” Sensei’s voice was strained, but his hands never wavered as he weaved intricate hand signs. She could feel the cursed energy in the air, as tangible as the chakra he was collecting to form his jutsu. Sakura was practically choking on every breath, her lungs constricting as something burned beneath her skin, begging to be released. “Get to the village, make sure Hokage-sama get’s that scroll.”

Her ears were ringing still, she couldn’t look away from where she’d spotted Goro laying on the ground, bone jutting from the junction between his shoulder and neck. His chest wasn’t moving, his green tracksuit was darkening, his skin was pale, and his chest wasn’t moving -

“Sakura!” she flinched, green eyes connecting with the milky gaze of her Sensei. She realized, dimly, that the cursed energy wasn’t just coming from the Hyūga across from her, but her too. It was a lot to unpack because for all their Sensei had acted as if he hated the Genin assigned to him, the emotions that were ripping through the man were strong enough that Sakura could have raised an army of spirits if it were within her capacity. For all she’d once disliked her loud and brash teammates, her cursed energy was more volatile than even her Sensei’s.

“The mission comes first,” Tokuma snarled the words, and though the veins around his eyes were bulging and there was blood on his lips, Sakura saw the tears that were falling. “ Go !”

She wanted to stay, to fight a futile battle and fall with her team. She wanted to be a Hero , like the kind they learned about in the Academy, but there were her ghosts whispering in her ears, urging her to run, run, run , and there was her Sensei with his sad eyes begging her to not make him watch another one of his kids die .

And there was Orochimaru, with his golden eyes watching her in a way that promised he would stop at nothing until he’d unraveled her from the inside out. 

“ You have to live. ” Sakumo’s voice was solemn, his hand unbearably cold as it passed through her shoulder. “ Don’t make my mistakes, go, go, go.”

Sakura took the coward's route, followed orders, and ran.  

It takes three days for Sakura to pass the border and make it to the nearest Kohona watch station. The Chunin that are stationed there are rightfully terrified of the Genin’s bloody form as she stumbles into their view, her heart in her throat as she chokes out the name that changed her whole life.

She’s rushed back to her home, hanging onto her thread of consciousness the entire time so she can keep a death grip on the scroll her Sensei had entrusted to her. She holds onto it until they pass through the gates, and then she blissfully knows nothing but darkness.

Her dreams are filled with the memory of killing her teammate, and watching the rest of them die.

When she wakes up, it’s to a cold hospital room. The Hokage, her father, and three unfamiliar Shinobi are standing beside her. The cold in the room is something that demands her attention, it’s caress chilling as it threatens to encompass her.

“-ll do respect, Hokage-sama, we shouldn’t shove her onto another Genin team,” a man covered in bandages is speaking with passion, just loud enough to catch her focus. The cane he leans on cracking loudly against the tile flooring. “She is the sole survivor of an attack from Orochimaru himself, she would be better used within the Chunin corps than this .”

“That is precisely why this is the best option for the prosperity of the village.” the tallest man, dressed in a black trench coat, growled out. “You read the scroll, you know what that man has planned.”

“We must protect the village's best assets.” the Hokage sounds resigned, exhausted even, and it is a feeling that Sakura can relate deeply to. “Once the threat has passed, we can promote her accordingly.”

The bandaged man scoffed loudly, but instead of arguing further he exited the room in a flourish.

“Chichi-ue,” her voice comes out raspy, and as soon as she speaks the metallic taste of blood fills her mouth. She feels as if her vocal cords have been rubbed raw.

Instantly. Sakura has the attention of everyone in the room. Her father takes several swift steps to her side, catching her cold, limp hand in his own.

“What-” the words die in her throat as soon as she says them, and she has to swallow thickly around the fresh wave of tears that threaten to overtake her. “My…team?”

The silence stretches, and Sakura can feel coldness spread from her fingertips. The Hokage steps forward, his eyes filled with sorrow as he gazes upon her, and then he bows so deeply that something in Sakura’s chest thrums painfully.

“Thank you for your service, Haruno Sakura.” the old man's gravelly voice was mournful, but not repentant. If anything, it felt as if he was speaking from a memorized script. “Your team has been confirmed as killed in action, though your mission was a success thanks to your endeavors.”

At last the cold crept up her spine; at last it filled her from foot to head; at last she grew so chilled and desolate that all thought and pain and awareness came to a standstill. If her heart still beat she didn't know it. She was aware of one thing only; next to the gaping fact called Death , all she knew was nothing, all she did meant nothing, all she felt conveyed nothing .

This was no passing thought. It was a gnawing, palpable emptiness more real than the cold.

Her everything slipped away into nothingness, and Sakura could do absolutely nothing to stop it.

Freshly carved kanji had graced the once blank spaces of the Memorial Stone, though Sakura had never visited it before to know what space had been unmarred by death. She’d been here for hours now, though. Her fingers had gone numb with how many times she’d traced those familiar names, over and over and over . She hadn’t been able to bring home any of their bodies, not even their headbands.

All Sakura had managed to bring home was Ayanokoji’s blood on her tanto and their mission objective. Despite what her Hokage had said, and her fathers pale attempts at reassurance, she felt like nothing but a failure. She’d failed her team when they’d needed her most, and now they were dead.

Sakura swallowed the bile that threatened to climb out of her throat, and stood on shaky legs. She wanted nothing more than to go home, crawl into her bed, and not face the world for as long as she could manage. As it was, her new team assignment would be given in three days time.

She had unofficial summons from Ayanokoji’s family, though. And official summons from the Hyūga. Sakura hadn’t heard anything from Goro’s family, she wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or not.

Her ghosts were gone, she’d asked them to let her do this alone.

When she’s standing at the front door of a house that’s all too familiar, she regrets them honoring her request. Sakura strays outside for a solid twenty minutes before she finally manages to knock on the front door.

When she sees Ayanokoji’s mom, for a split second all she can see is- her tanto ripping through his flesh, the surprise fluttering across his face, his lips moving to form words she still can’t comprehend, and- a sharp stinging sensation fills Sakura’s left cheek. She’s left staring blankly at the woman she’d come to think of as her own mother over the last year.

“You,” Ayanokoji’s mother is seething, her gaze scathing, her hand still raised as if to strike Sakura once more. All she can do is stand and stare, that same stab of coldness she’d felt in the hospital trickling down her back like rainwater. “ You killed my son.”

She hit Sakura again, and she did nothing to stop her.

Once, twice, three times. Sakura found herself staring numbly down at the well polished wood of the porch, the stinging in her cheek where she’d been struck repeatedly had begun to burn. The woman's wedding band had split a small cut open onto her cheek, it bleeding sluggishly. There was a burst of motion in front of her when her eldest son suddenly appeared, pulling his sobbing mother back.

“ Never come back here!” the woman was screaming, her voice breaking with every soul crushing cry that wracked her slender form. “You murderer !”

Sakura didn’t remember walking away, not really. She didn’t come back to herself until she stood at the gates of the Hyūga compound. Their compound is one of the most regal in the entire village, a sprawling mass of land had been claimed by the clan when the village had first been founded. Within the white stone gates lay many homes, the branch family houses were what took up the first half of the compound, paving the way to the main families single mansion style home.

The entire compound was well maintained, several maple and black pine trees brought a life of color to the surroundings, oranges and greens a stark contrast to the white and tan houses. She had never been to the compound before, their Sensei hadn’t wanted them to ever visit.

One of the guards paused upon seeing the young girl at their gates, but the man impassively led her through the throng of people that littered the streets of the compound up to the secondary gates of the main family's home. She could feel countless eyes tracking her every move.

Sakura could tell, almost instantly, that a majority of the funds had been spent on this area of the compound more so than anywhere else. Passing through the main entrance were two long halls to the left and right, while going forward would lead you into a massive courtyard. The courtyard itself was sectioned off by shorter walls one could easily see over once they were of adult age.

As it were, the walls came up to Sakura’s chin. She could see a large area dedicated to training with a sparring arena situated in the middle. Another section held an elegant zen garden, the lines carefully drawn within the sand around smoothly polished opal boulders was something she’d never thought she’d see- Sakura hadn’t even been aware that opal could manifest at such a large scale. The sunlight bouncing off the smooth crystal reminded her of how her Sensei’s eyes had glinted with suppressed laughter sometimes, but that reminder made her feel as if she’d swallowed lava.

There was a more secluded area of the courtyard that held a massive Sakura tree, a koi pond sitting beneath it. There were several people congregating beneath the shade of the tree beside the pond, meditating if she’d hazard a guess.

Sakura was led through the middle of the courtyard, up a well maintained stone pathway into what she assumed was the main house. She removed her sandals mechanically once she was inside, sliding on the slippers that had been provided for her, before following the man further within the home.

Hyūga Hiashi was waiting for her in a largely empty room, the only decor being a deeply detailed painting of two lilac colored dragons rising together over a waterfall. The man was sitting seiza, waiting patiently for her. A small table sat between where he was seated and her own spot, two tea cups and a warmed kettle sitting atop its polished surface.

The shoji door slid shut quietly behind her, and Sakura was met with the carefully blank face of one of the most powerful men in her village.

“Thank you for answering my summons, Haruno-san.” he gestured blandly to the cushion opposite his own. “Please join me.”

Sakura wanted to move forward, to take her seat with as much grace as she could manage in this scenario, but something kept her rooted to the spot. A heavy weight settled over her shoulders and she felt like her lungs were being constricted.

Little snake…

You need to run.

You have to live.

Murderer! Murderer! M̸̪̜̰̭̓ũ̵͍͖͓͈͠r̷̫̘͋͠d̷̡͙̙̱̳̀̽̏̈ë̶͕̥̤̰́̇̕r̴̨̜̭̽͝͝e̶̱̒r̸͔̦͐͂́!̸̦͍̒̓

Sakura found herself on the ground, folded into dogeza with her forehead pressed into the tatami. There was a fine tremble to her shoulders, her chest heaving with air her lungs wouldn’t expel, and silent tears were streaming down her face.

“I apologize for failing Tokuma-sensei and my team, Hyūga-sama.” the words felt heavy in her mouth, and Sakura could feel the weight of her sins pressing down onto her. “If I had stayed and fought alongside him-”

A surprisingly soft touch to the back of her head startled Sakura from whatever she’d planned to say. She hadn’t even heard him rise and cross the room.

“If you had stayed and fought that man alongside Tokuma, you would be dead as well.” there was no anger or pity in his voice, just the cool tone of someone stating facts they believed to be wholeheartedly true. “If you had stayed, you would have failed to return vital information to the village. That failure would have cost our home countless lives, Haruno-san.”

“This is the sin of sacrifice, a sin that Shinobi must become familiar with so that the civilians of our nation never do.” the weight on the back of her head, not comforting but rather grounding, lifted. “Rise up, Sakura Haruno. The failures of my kin are not your burdens to bear, the success of this mission marks the path of a true Shinobi.”

Sakura found herself pushing upwards, bloodshot eyes connecting with Hiashi’s gaze. There was no warmth in his expression, nothing to explain why he was offering her even an ounce of kindness, and yet he held her gaze with a heavy air of respect .

“Orochimaru was Tokuma’s Genin Sensei,” Sakura just stared blankly at the man, understanding what he meant but unwilling to fully digest it. “He and his teammates have fought in the years that followed Orochimaru’s defection to not be associated with that man and his crimes anymore. Even in the days leading up to his final mission, there were people who looked at Tokuma and saw nothing but the spawn of a mass murdering madman.”

Hiashi slowly raised a hand up to her injured cheek, giving Sakura a moment to register the soft green glow of healing chakra, and then with a careful swipe of his thumb the cut was gone. The swelling and budding bruising progressed at an unnatural rate. From purple, to a brownish yellow, to just unblemished skin.

For some reason, this action held some form of significance to Sakura. She didn’t understand exactly why he was extending this knowledge to her, perhaps it was for some form of political gain she wasn’t privy to, but Sakura ate every word up like a starved woman.

“Tokuma has finally redeemed himself with his death, but his redemption would have never been known if you hadn’t survived. Our clan is indebted to you, Haruno-san, because you cleared the name of our clansmen when no one else could.” Hiashi rose once more, and wordlessly gestured for Sakura to follow.

He led her through a different shoji door, down a long hallway, and out onto a patio. There was a winding path from the patio, leading into a separate garden area protected by large walls. They followed the path in silence, passing through the beautiful garden until they entered a small clearing. In the center was a large stone with the Hyūga clan symbol carved into its smooth surface.

Sakura wasn’t sure, but it looked like obsidian. Some distant, hysterical part of her brain wondered where his clan managed to find such massive stones to use as decor, and then her brain actually registered what she was seeing.

There were the names of countless Hyūga members carved into the stone, it was the clan's very own memorial stone. Stone benches surrounded the monument, Sakura tree’s filling in the foliage around the clear with soft pink petals. The silence here was deafening, and yet it was the most peaceful she’d felt since she’d returned home.

“Traitors of the village and our clan are not given the privilege of their names resting upon our families sanctuary.” Hiashi continues further into the clearing until he’s standing at the stone, his hand lifting with a sense of ease that spoke of repeated practice to first one name, and then another.

“When Orochimaru betrayed the village, though Tokuma was innocent in the crimes that had been committed, the elders still sought to punish him. He had been forbidden to have his name added to the stone if he were to die, unless he found a way to redeem himself.”

The fine lines of the man's back were tense as he spoke, voice low. Sakura was glad she couldn’t see his face, she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to forgive what she’d see if she could.

“To not have your name added to this stone, is to be forsaken by the Gods who gifted us with our Kekkei Genkai.” something in his tone, where remorse met anger and turned into something crystalline, resonated with Sakura.

She knew what it meant to be forsaken.

“Thanks to you, Sakura, he was given the rights to join our sanctuary.”

She’d spent a long time in the Hyūga compound, which was something Kakashi hadn’t expected. After he’d seen her mistreatment at the hands of the civilian woman he hadn’t anticipated her to fare much better in the face of an actual clan.

Despite his expectations, the girl shambled out of the compound hours later. She still looked like a corpse walking, her gaze empty and cold, but her face had been healed and her shoulders didn’t slump quite as much.

He can’t help but remember what had happened after his father killed himself, the guilty and pitiful expressions on so many faces when they’d looked at him. The Hyūga hadn’t treated him any differently, though, and while Kakashi had never noted it before it seemed rather relevant now .

He followed her from a respectful distance, trying not to grimace when Sakura found herself at the memorial stone once more.

This team felt like some form of divine punishment. The last loyal Uchiha, his teacher's son, and a girl with too many similarities to himself to be comfortable. The Hokage could preach about her being able to keep the village's two most vital assets safe all he wanted, but Kakashi knew the truth.

If they let her progress to Chunin now, without a solid tether, she would make Jonin within a year, ANBU before even that, and she would become another empty shell of a Shinobi. For all Sarutobi had his faults, he was trying to do right by the girl who had her life shredded to pieces by his wayward student.

If Kakashi stood vigil through the night until she found herself again to walk away from the stone, well, he wished someone had been there for him.

The classroom was full of chaotic energy, it was an environment Naruto had grown to find comfort in. He didn’t really have friends, and that was fine. Naruto didn’t do friends, no one had ever liked him and how hard he tried to prove himself to everyone around him. Naruto had never really had a friend , and that was fine .

What he had was classmates, some who he could tolerate more than others. Like Kiba, the rambunctious dog boy often took the same routes as he did to skip class. The few times they’d even been look out for one another, and sometimes they pulled pranks together, but he wouldn’t call Kiba his friend. Shikamaru and Choji were two others he’d say were the least hostile toward him, Naruto knew if he sat beside the Nara he’d never get tattled on for napping, and there had even been a few times Choji let him cheat off his tests. None of that made them his friends, because Naruto knew no one would ever be friends with someone like him .

Of course there were others, Hinata, Shino, and sometimes even Ino was tolerable. But everyone else? Well, Naruto wouldn’t call any of them anything even close to the word friend. In fact, he had a few vulgar words he’s heard Kiba’s sister use that he felt fit them all a lot better.

Uchiha Sasuke was someone Naruto could openly admit to hating . Frankly, the blonde didn’t care what the hell had happened to the sourpuss Uchiha Clan. None of it justified how Sasuke strutted around like a peacock with its feathers ruffled. None of it could make up for how he looked down on Naruto the same as everyone else in the village, like he was less than the dirt under his foot.

That is why this moment was a fate worse than death.

“...Team Seven, Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Jonin instructor Hatake Kakashi.”

There was a beat of silence as everyone seemed to collectively digest this information, some of the other Genin hopefuls too caught up in their own team assignments to pay much attention to anyone else.

“No way!” Naruto roared, standing up and slapping the palms of his hands onto the desk so hard they throbbed. “I can’t be on the same team as this bastard!”

“Why don’t we have a third member?” Sasuke’s voice was chillingly calm opposed to Naruto, and it was something that only made the blonde hate him even worse.

A titter went through the class as everyone caught his question and began to dissect it amongst themselves.

“Naruto, the lowest performing student, is paired with the rookie of the year.” Iruka gave him a largely disapproving look which made him wilt ever so slightly. If there was one person in this whole Academy Naruto did like, it had to be Iruka-sensei. “Sasuke, the third member of your team will be introduced when you meet your Sensei.”

And just like that, Iruka-sensei went back to calling out teams.

For three long hours, the two boys waited for their new Sensei to appear. Two long, boring, horrible hours. Naruto had given up on trying to sit still and be patient about four minutes into the wait, and he'd taken to fidgeting for another five minutes before he started to booby trap the entirety of the classroom. Not a single bench or even the Sensei's desk was spared of his slew of pranks, not that Naruto would see any of them set off. It would be a nasty little surprise at the start of the next semester, though. The thought of it make the blonde cackle. 

"What are you even doing, usuratonkachi?" it had taken three hours to run Sasuke's own patience short, but the blonde giggling to himself as he set up some kind of dimwitted prank on the door with an eraser had been his breaking point. 

"This'll show that bastard Sensei of ours to make us wait so long!" Naruto barely even acknowledged the Uchiha, which made Sasuke bristle even more. Despite his better judgment, Sasuke got up and all but stomped up to Naruto, intent to make him sit down and shut up and if the knuckleheaded moron didn't do it willingly then Sasuke would make him. 

The door slid open moments later, showing two brawling boys in the entry way. The chair Naruto had been standing on tittered dangerously before tipping the blonde over, making him collapse awkwardly onto the Uchiha, and the chalk filled eraser he'd been fiddling with fell from the door frame to smack first him on the head, and then it bounced onto Sasuke's head only after he'd collapsed to the ground. A small puff of chalk powder filled the air around Naruto, and he sneezed miserably. 

"Ah," the grey haired man that had opened the door peered down at the two Genin, a less than impressed expression set on the little bit of skin they could see of his face. "I can see I have my work count out for me...meet me on the roof in three minutes." 

There was a pause following the Jonin's abrupt departure, and then the two boys were pushing and shoving each other to try and get up faster. 

Sasuke could safely say the last thing he expected to see on that roof top was Haruno Sakura. 

His memories of the bright haired girl were distant and unpleasant in the way they reminded him of other things. Things he spent every day trying his best to not think about. 

(His mother making a smiley faces and hearts on his omelets in the mornings before school, how warm her hands had been when she brushed away his hair and peppered kissing onto his face. His father's silent but present pride any time Sasuke preformed the highest out of his classmates, how larger hands guiding his own through the signs for a jutsu that was passed down through his family over the generations. His brother-) 

Sasuke loathed reminders of when living hadn't caused a hollow ache in his chest with every breathe, which means he loathed the sight of Sakura more than he even hated his blonde teammate because he remembered how he had childishly liked the girl. She'd been so much like his- like him. Sasuke had admired her, had wanted to get her attention just like he'd try to his His attention. 

He remembers that it had been her that had found his cousins dead and mutilated body, and he doesn't bother trying to not hate her. Still, he remembers that she'd graduated ahead of them, so it didn't really make sense on why she was here now. 

"My name is Hatake Kakashi, and this is the third member of Team Seven." the grey haired man gestured vaguely at the washed out version of the girl Sasuke remembered. Gone were the bright colors she'd once worn, instead she was dressed in all dark clothes, standard Shinobi pants and turtleneck layered with a dark brown vest that would easily blend in the Konoha's forests. It almost reminded him of the standard Jonin uniform, if the colors weren't slightly off. Of course what stood out the most wasn't her clothing choices, but rather how pale she was. Sasuke could almost see the veins beneath her skin, and though he could tell there was some hard muscle packed along her arms and legs, the hollow look in her eyes sent a shiver down his spine. 

Sasuke had seen that own look in his eyes years ago, the day he'd woken up in a hospital bed with the screams of his family echoing in his ears. 

"Lets start with introductions." Kakashi-sensei's visible eye crinkled in a way that meant he was maybe smiling. "You go first." 

This, of course, started a fiery rage in Naruto because he started to yell about how they shouldn't have to introduce themselves if Sensei himself hadn't even done so, and what followed was the most painfully dull introduction Sasuke ever had the displeasure of listening to. Kakashi waved at the moron again though, and in typical idiotic fashion the doofus took the bait. 

"Believe it!" Naruto grinned, his teeth flashing in the sunlight. He'd been staring with vague interest at the pink haired girl, but clearly he was bidding his time before he addressed her.

That was new, Sasuke thought unkindly. Who would have thought the dead last could actually be patient. 

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto! I like instant ramen in a cup, swimming, and I really like when Iruka-sensei takes me to Ichiraku's! I hate the three minutes you have to wait after you pour the water into the ramen cup, and people who refuse to acknowledge me!" Sasuke tried not to scoff at that, what had Naruto ever done other than deface public property that warranted him being acknowledged? He really was a hopeless moron. "My hobbies are trying different types of ramen, fish gazing, and swimming!" 

What even the hell was fish gazing? Sasuke rolled his eyes, had the moron actually confused birds with fish? 

"My dream for the future is that I'll be the Hokage!" 

Kakashi looked suddenly exhausted, like every word out of Naruto's mouth had just taken fifteen years from his life, and Sakura was looking at the blonde as if she'd seen a ghost. Still, their Sensei gestured for Sasuke to go next, and he didn't have anything to prove and yet...as if he'd let Naruto's lofty dream outweigh his own. 

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke, I hate a lot of things and I don't particularly like anything." except he loved sushi and tomatoes, and Sasuke had always had a particular fondness for cats. If he fed the stray cats that had taken to the Uchiha Compound after...after that night, no one would ever know. "What I have isn't something as foolish as a dream, it's my ambition to restore and avenge my clan." 

A strong breeze swept past the roof top at that moment, adding to the melodramatic way Sasuke had delivered his introduction. Kakashi looked deeply troubled, but Sakura seemed to have relaxed in that moment. Though her eyes kept wandering to just behind Sasuke left shoulder. It was kind of creeping him out. 

"...Right, well, the last one then?" 

"My name is Haruno Sakura, I like pork belly, training, and...visiting my friends." she shifted uncertainly, her hands balled into fists so tightly her knuckles were bone white. "I hate snakes, and my dream...well, I guess it's not much of a dream either." 

She looked up then, and everything about Sakura looked horribly haunted to Sasuke. She looked like she'd already accepted her fate, whatever it was. She looked like a dead girl talking, and it was unnerving in a way that was utterly unfamiliar and yet horribly familiar to him. 

"I'm going to become strong enough to kill a Sannin." 

And Sasuke believed her. 

Chapter Text

Rage is only for what you believe can be fixed. All the rest is grief.

怒りは、自分が解決できると信じているものに対してのみ発生します。残りはすべて悲しみです。

― Cormac McCarthy

BEFORE

Her bedroom wasn't empty, but any personality the room had previously exhibited seemed to have been wiped. The room was immaculately clean, though the sight of small holes littering the different white washed walls hinted at things that had once filled the space. Most of the boxes had already been moved to the attic, memories left to fester in the darkness. Sakura hesitated on the last box, an elegantly made kimono shirt had been folded carefully and placed at the top. It was the same shade of blue as-

Her fingers spasmed over the fabric, and something in Sakura's chest twisted painfully. The pain shot upwards, from her heart to her head before her vision darkened, dimmed, shivered-

Her blade cuts deep into flesh, and slices down into the skin where the neck and shoulder meet until it slides against collarbone. An artery is hit, and blood squirts against her left cheek.

Sakura’s breath stutters in her lungs, and she’s staring into Ayanokoji’s beautiful blue eyes.

She’s staring into Ayanokoji’s beautiful blue eyes.

Ayanokoji’s beautiful blue eyes.

“𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 𝙨𝙤𝙤𝙣.”

Her cursed energy, as if reacting to the memory of those words, flared sharply in the air around her with fierce abruptness, flashing stark white so quickly that Sakura was blinded for a brief moment. She missed how the energy around her sparked inky black for the shortest of seconds, before she folded herself over the box. Every breath dragged through her clenched teeth scraped at her raw throat, but with the pain came a cold sense of clarity.

Orochimaru. Sakura mouthed his name soundlessly, her lips wrapping around the syllables like a lover whispering their partner's name. There was an unfamiliar intimacy to it, a longing that lingered on the tongue like the sweetness of honey. 

Yes, that was his name. A Sannin, a renowned Shinobi, a legend. He was also a thief, a vile criminal, a monster. He stole lives like it was some kind of trivial act, like they were just pawns in a game he was playing.

Orochimaru. No sound escaped Sakura, but her eyes slowly opened. Every breath stung, but it grounded her. She could feel that lingering coldness from where it had seeped into her bones, and she willed herself to see past it. She would feel the rage of what she’d lost, she would likely die for it, but she would not allow herself to become frozen with indifference while he still lived. 

“Orochimaru,” his name rolled off her tongue clumsily, voice soft and raw, but the tone of certainty was there nonetheless. “Orochimaru.”

The rage welled up easily, as if it had been waiting for her beckoning call. She shoved away from the box, jolting backwards as her bare foot struck out. The cardboard cratered easily beneath the strength of her kick, belongings scattering with an empty sounding clatter, knocking into her bedside table causing something to fall and shatter. 

Her eyes burned, but no tears fell. The young girl felt so startling cold, so cold that she felt like she was burning from the inside out. 

Her gaze was set on a shattered picture frame, the smiling faces of what was once Team Four stared back at her, and only one thought remained.

Yes, Orochimaru was a monster, but he was still a man— and men could be killed. For all he had taken from her, she would unmake him. Sakura would not stop until she’s ripped apart his soul, and swallowed it whole. 

The Shinigami watched, and it saw untapped potential. 

Temples are scattered across the nations in a manner that would seem insignificant, differing religions hardly ever interacted in a way that would be considered peaceful and cordial- especially not in the days of old. Some temples were placed high into the mountains, whilst others were placed at sea level. Rarely, a temple could be found deep beneath the earth's crust.

The Haruno clan were and are, to this day, nomads in all of the ways that matter. Undocumented, the clan and their ancestors have traveled in every nation at some point. Many have chosen one nation over another to call home, they are unlike most traditional clans. They do not call their people home yearly, they do not force them to place roots in a single nation because the Haruno will never again be loyal to a single nation.

Once upon a time, a bulk of the Haruno resided in a sea-side village. Members of the Haruno, whose blood sing for cursed energy from birth, have always felt naturally drawn to the water of the vast oceans. There is something that coils deep beneath those waters, something that beckons them closer. Those days are long gone, and after the massacre of Uzushiogakure what was left of the clan decided that strength in numbers did not equate to survival.

Because of this, there is not a temple on this planet that a Haruno hasn't stepped foot in. After all, there is not a single religion that does not mention some form of negative energy in some capacity, not one temple who did not acknowledge the one single fact of all life- death, and the Shinigami who shepherded it.

The Haruno are unique in one other way when it came to their operation, for they did not have a single clan head- but three.

Three temples, two seemingly forgotten to the passage of time, whilst the third was held with high regard.

Three statues of a Shinigami, placed in darkness.

For the briefest of moments, six eyes flashed white.

Three monks paused in sync despite the distance that separates them.

The Shinigami has chosen an heir. 

NOW

What is worse? To be haunted, or to know that you could be and yet the spirits of those you love have chosen not to.

Sakura wasn’t sure, she couldn't see them. Couldn’t hear them or sense them, but she feels the weight of it all more heavily than she has felt anything before. Trying to find a distraction, she'd gone shopping before she met her new team, chosen the first non-script Genin grade uniform she was recommended in the first shop she'd entered, and placed a bulk order.

All in all, it had been a successful trip. Though, Sakura counted any shopping trip where she managed to dodge the second Hokage a success. 

She was given a mere three days of respite between the mission that changed her whole life and the meeting of her new team, 

She hadn't known what to expect from her new team, or the training exercise Kakashi had given them the following day. Sakura knew well enough from her career to know that the threat of sending them back to the Academy was more or less empty, even more so with the last loyal living Uchiha on her team.

Focus, Sakura! Sakumo and Shisui were cheering her on from the figurative sidelines, though Sakumo had been more withdrawn lately— or maybe it had been her that had been withdrawn. After all, it took much too long for Sakura to begin to categorize the similarities between her new Sensei and her first friend.

In the end, focusing had been mostly proven useless. Naruto was too stubborn to try and work with her, he had something to prove. Sasuke had simply looked at her as if she were less than the dirt beneath his feet before stalking away. How- how was she supposed to work with them, when they refused to work with her? Team Four had countless formations they could have ran through by now, they would have-

The bell had rang while she wondered what she’d done to deserve such a miserable team, their time was up, and Sakura was left feeling bitter and angry and too cold for such a warm day. Naruto being tied to one of the wooden training posts for trying to steal all of their lunches, after refusing to work together as a team, did not sooth her anger at this situation. The blond was screaming about how unfair all of it was, and Kakashi was calling the boys brats, when Sasuke lunged at him.

It was only because Sakura had nearly two years already under a Jonin that allowed her to track the swift movements of their teacher all but suplexing the last Uchiha straight into the dirt before stomping so hard into the boy's back she could have sworn she heard his bones creaking.

"Do you think being a Shinobi is a game, Naruto, Sasuke?" everything seemed to come to an abrupt standstill as Kakashi finally rounded on the two boys, effectively stopping them both from whatever it was they'd planned to say. His words and ire weren't directed at her, and Sakura knew she should have been paying her new Sensei her full attention, but Sakumo was lingering behind the living man with a strange look on his face. "Sakura, why do we put you on squads?"

She tried to ignore how uncomfortable it felt to have all eyes on her, but Sakumo smiled at her over Kakashi's shoulder and that had to be enough.

"Teamwork." her voice was too hollow, too empty, she knew that. How could she pretend, though? This team was a mockery of her own, of what she'd had and lost. Team Seven made Sakura feel sick to her stomach, because it wasn't her boys, they were strangers.

"That's right," his single eye lingered on Sakura a moment too long, assessing, and then he turned back to teaching the boys one of the most valuable lessons they'd ever learn. A lesson her team had never had to be taught in the first place. Her team, was a bitter notion in of itself, this was her team now. "Naruto, you are a Shinobi now. You don't have to prove you're strong enough to your teammates by taking your battles alone, you have to prove to them that they can trust you with their backs. Do you truly think ignoring a teammate's request to work together will do that?"

For what it was worth, she supposed, the blond did look properly chastised. Green met blue for the shortest of seconds before Sakura's eyes skittered down to set on his chin instead, that was safer. Naruto's skin was tanned, different from- she swallowed the bile that rose in her throat, and started to count backward from one thousand.

"Sasuke, instead of pursuing strength alone you need to learn that every Shinobi works in some form of a unit in order to complete their goals. The ones that don't, are the ones that die." Kakashi seemed to press harder onto the Uchiha's back for a moment, as if to emphasize his point, and then he lifted his foot.

"On every mission, your life's on the line." their Sensei turned then, pacing away from the three Genin and toward the Memorial Stone Sakura had been valiantly ignoring all morning- as if she hadn't been there for hours the night before. "The names engraved on this stone are all heroes honored by the village, they-"

"That's it, I've got it!" Naruto cut off Kakashi's speech, a wide grin splitting across his whiskered face. "I'm not going to live and die for no reason like some dog, I'll have my name engraved on that stone! I'll be a hero, an even better one than all of those other people on that ston-"

She wasn't sure what happened, one moment Sakura had been intent to be as silent as possible. To endure this moment and let it pass as painlessly as she could manage, and then she'd heard him say that and everything had turned a bright and violent red in her eyes. Naruto's head cracked back into the wooden post, and blood gushed from his nose where her fist had solidly connected with his face.

Kakashi was there in a blink, his hand a solid shackle around her outstretched wrist, but Sakura couldn't bring herself to care. Her face had twisted into a vicious snarl, so harsh that even Sasuke flinched back from where he still lay in the dirt. She felt nothing but rage at Naruto's blatant disrespect, at his eagerness to join the dead, at the ignorance that he wore like proud armor.

"Don't you ever ," her voice quivered with her anger, and she couldn't bring herself to look anywhere other than into Naruto's wide, blue eyes. She willed herself to see the differences there, to categorize how these blue eyes are not the same as much as possible. "Disrespect the names of the dead in front of me again."

"What-" the blond gurgled around the blood, blinking hard as his eyes watered from the pain.

"Naruto," Kakashi sighed, seeming to sag as he tugged Sakura away more gently than she probably deserved. She allowed it, because as angry as she was, she really didn't want to hurt Naruto. It was all just too fresh and raw, Team Four's names had just been added to the stone. Their loss still leaked like an open sore, painful with every breath that she took. "The names on this stone, the Memorial Stone, are all Shinobi who were killed in action."

In an instant, Naruto looked absolutely wrecked with remorse. His eyes kept bouncing between Sakura and Kakashi, looking as if he understood one half of the equation but not the entire thing. She was thankful that Kakashi had decided it was not her duty to explain.

"The names of my closest friends are engraved on this stone," Kakashi had moved as he said this, shifting until he created a barrier between the two boys and Sakura with his own body. He looked down at her, carefully lowering her still shaking arm, and there was so much understanding in his grey eye that Sakura wanted nothing more than to run away. The blood of her comrade was smeared on her knuckles. and she had to try to pretend to feel bad about it. "As are the names of Sakura's."

Her face crumbled then, and she was so insanely thankful that Kakashi spared her the embarrassment of the boys seeing her sorrow that for one hysterical second she felt like laughing.
     
"In the Shinobi world, there are lessons you will learn as you grow with your team; those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their teammates are worse than scum." the moment his words registered, Sakura flinched back violently. She meant to move away, to do anything to migrate the sudden surge of pure and utter self-loathing she felt at his words, but the weight of Kakashi's hands finding her shoulders held her in place.

"Listen to me, Sakura," his voice was quiet but sternly grounding, and she found herself latching onto every word. Kakashi spoke low, so low that she was certain it was for her ears only. "You didn't abandon them."

She opened her mouth, wanting to find some way to explain it all because that was a lie . Sakura knew she had done the right thing, by completing her mission she aided her village and saved countless lives. She did everything that was expected of a Shinobi of her stature, but in doing so she'd betrayed everything she was as a person. How could she ever explain that she would have rather watched the village burn to the ground, if only it meant her team was still beside her?

She clenched her teeth and looked away, refusing to meet the eyes of any of the living or the dead.

Team Four had been the sun to her world, she'd gravitated around them. Now, they were gone. Her world had turned cold and desolate, and it was all her fault. No matter what Kakashi, or Hiashi, or anyone else said, Sakura knew the truth about herself. She was worse than scum, and there was only one thing she could truly do to try and atone. She knew attempting to kill Orochimaru would likely result in her own death, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

She'd accepted her fate. 

The days that passed flowed with the uncanny ease of a river. The time Sakura didn't spend at the memorial stone or in the Hyūga compound, she was training with her team and taking on more D-Rank missions. Sometimes though, when the moon still hung high in the sky and the sticky fingers of a nightmare were holding fast to her throat, Sakura trained through the night too. As it was, right now, she felt like she was sleep walking most days. 

She ate meals with her father, washed her laundry, spoke frequently with her ghosts. but she barely slept or rested. In more ways than one, she felt as if she was running from her grief rather than processing it. 

As all things go, though, you can only run for so long. 

Her grief caught up with her on a bright Tuesday afternoon, in the middle of the street, when she saw friends for the first time in what felt like years. 

"Sakura-chan!" the exuberant blonde was in her personal space almost instantly, her bright smile lighting up her pretty features. Shikamaru was two steps behind her, hands thrust deeply into his pockets and looking as tired as she felt, and Chōji was lingering behind the pair with an older man- their Sensei probably. "You missed our graduation ceremony! I've been looking for Goro for ages! Did your mission run late- Sakura?" 

Too many emotions swelled to the surface at once, and Sakura suddenly felt utterly nauseous. She'd thought- surely someone would have told them? But, no. Ino wouldn't have asked if- she swallowed the bile that filled her mouth, welcoming the burn in the back of her throat, and took half a step back. 

"Ah," her voice came out too tight and wobbly, and the older man was looking at her with an odd expression. Panic flooded through the girl, and she knew she needed to leave but- her brain, doing a funny thing, began to wander helplessly to her own wayward Sensei. She was speaking before she even realized what she was saying. "Sorry, Ino-chan, I've got to go! I left my team in a tree somewhere, and I've got to get them down!" 

Ignoring the incredulous look they were giving her, and the expression on their Sensei's face- as if he'd just simultaneously won a bet and also got incredibly bad news -Sakura leapt to the nearest rooftop and away. 

She didn't realize where she was until she was staring at the familiar receptionist that manned the Hospital's front desk during the afternoons. She smiled at Sakura, like she'd been expecting her. 

"You're late! I think Kabuto's lunch has already ended, but here's a visitors pass! He said if you came by, to let you know he'd be in his office and-" her voice droned on, but Sakura's ears were ringing as she pinned the pass to her shirt and allowed her brain to numbly lead her on the familiar path. It wasn't until she was standing in front of the door that her actions caught up with her. 

Why had she run from her friends, only to go to another friend? Sakura knew the answer almost immediately; Kabuto had seen death too. She didn't want to steal that brightness from Ino's eyes, not with a burden so heavy, not with blood on her hands. Kabuto had been there with her at her lowest, when she was certain she would die. He'd also known Team Four, and that meant something to her even if she wasn't sure what it was.

The door opened before she could decide if she really wanted to lean on Kabuto, or anyone at all, like this. Time stood still for a moment, grey meeting forest green, and then she was moving before she knew what she was doing. Cool arms wrapped around Sakura automatically as she slammed into his chest, a sob tearing at her throat. 

"It's okay, Sakura-chan." he soothed, being a steady anchor for her as she let her grief consume her for the first time in weeks. Kabuto held her together as she felt like she was about to fall apart. "It'll all be okay." 

The light glinted off of his glasses, and behind her back he was clutching a small, purple scroll with a snake symbol stamped on it. 

The sun was blistering as it shone down on the back of her neck, but Sakura continued to mechanically pull weeds from garden. She'd been to this house exactly seventeen times, though all of the previous visits had been with Team Four. Nearly every mission gave her the strangest sense of déjà vu, most of the villages D-rank's were things that the village as a whole made to help their Genin become proper career Shinobi. The same elderly people commissioned the mission office to have Genin do common household things, such as lawncare, household cleaning, laundry, shopping, and occasionally helping give pets baths or medicine. The same families commissioned for babysitters, the same businesses, the same everything. 

Sakura saw the same people she'd seen with Team Four, before they were cleared to take higher missions, and now she was seeing them again with Team Seven. 

Dirt clung to her sweaty palms, the foliage was harder to pull up than normal because they were going through a drought. Sakura swallowed, her dry throat tempting her to choke, and she tossed the last of the weeds from her section into the filled wicker basket at her side. 

Several feet away, Naruto and Sasuke had forsaken their assigned task and were three words away from getting into a fist fight.

Kakashi was no where to be seen. 

Something cold coiled in the pit of Sakura's stomach as she moved first onto what would have been Naruto's portion, and then eventually Sasuke's. Naruto had pulled up not only weeds, but also some of the budding herbs, which she tried her best to salvage. Sasuke had done better, but after he'd attempted to correct Naruto he gave up entirely to devote all of his energy into mocking the blonde. 

Sushi was hovering close by, watching the two boys with unmistakable disapproval, but Sakumo's continued absence recently grated at Sakura in a way that was unfamiliar and yet horribly uncomfortable. She couldn't help but wonder if, maybe, he was disappointed in her. It was the same feeling she thought she saw filtering across her fathers face during meals, and the same thing that flickered in Kakashi's gaze when it landed on her. 

Everyone, Sakura felt, had some reason to be ashamed of her. She was meant to be so much more, she was sure. She'd graduated earlier, and yet here she was still. 

Pulling weeds from a garden, two teammates fighting in the distance while three more rotted away somewhere. 

"Thank you, Haruno-san." the old man was saying, a warm smile on his face. "Are your teammates alright? These new Genin are so...loud." 

The man smiled, clearly trying to offer kindness, but her ears were ringing. 

"Have a good day, Yuki-san." her clipped tone was perfectly professional, and she left without the rest of Team Seven to return to the Hokage tower. 

Kakashi sighed over his book, leaning in the shadows of a tree that overlooked the garden the kids had been working in. Beside him Sakumo wilted like a flower that hadn't gotten enough water. Like father like son, they were both left wondering what to do with the angry girl as she mourned. 

No matter how unwilling Sakura was, time passed all the same. 

Team Seven took an unholy amount of D-Rank missions when their Sensei wasn't running them into the ground with their training. Even Naruto, who seemed to always have endless reserves of energy, was too tired to complain much after three weeks of such intense treatment. Sakura didn't mind it too much, though going through another bout of training in regards to camping was a different kind of exhausting. For the most part, she reveled in the mindlessness of training and missions. Every movement made her sore muscles ache, but it was a welcome pain.

It was only after a solid month of this insane schedule, waking before the sun rose and not returning until long after it had set, that something finally changed. 

She was actually quite happy when Naruto finally snapped about the D-Rank's they'd been going on. One could only catch that damned cat so many times before they decided enough was enough, and despite her growing dislike for the two boys she now called her teammates, she felt they would all go crazy soon if they weren't set loose.

"C'mon old man," the rest of Team Seven winced at the blatant disrespect from the blond, though the Hokage just chuckled at his antics. "We can handle more than just these baby missions! Give us something real!"

"Ah, sorry Hokage-sama," Kakashi scratched the back of his head with one hand, while casually grabbing the back of Naruto's jacket and bunching the fabric against his throat until the boy started to sputter and choke. "Manners aren't Naruto-kun's strong suit, though I do believe my team is ready for something a little more challenging than pulling weeds or babysitting, they're making good progress thus far." 

There was a pause then, and Sakura was surprised to see the Hokage looking at her. Something twisted uncomfortably in her chest, and she found herself staring back with uncertianty. 

"What do you think, Sakura?" she jolted at the fact that he was actually asking her, and Sakura could feel both her teammates staring holes into the side of her head.

Despite the month that consisted the three of them spending nearly every waking hour together, none of them were anything close to what they'd each consider friends. Naruto and Sasuke's constant bickering and fights grated at Sakura, bothered the professionalism her previous Sensei had beat into Team Four. She didn't like how loud Naruto was, how cold Sasuke acted to be, and she hated how Kakashi was absent for the worst of it. Most of all, she hated how Team Seven made what she was missing as obvious as a hole in her chest ought to have been. Sakura thought, darkly, that if something didn't change soon she'd grow to hate them all. She wasn't sure if that was something she wanted for herself, wasn't sure if Team Four would be disappointed in her not trying harder for this new team, and more than that she wasn't sure if that was even what the Hokage was asking about. 

"I believe-" she started, her voice a little too rough to her own ears. Sakura paused, and in the corner she was abruptly made aware of the ghosts of the previous Hokage that were congregating to watch this discussion. The second Hokage was there, watching her with near unblinking eyes. She frowned, cleared her throat, and tried again. "Team Seven would do well with a mission that tested more than inter-village hospitality." 

In the corner of her eye she saw Kakashi clamp down on Sasuke's shoulder when he made some kind of half aborted movement, hyperaware of how Naruto's head was swiveling between Sakura and the Hokage like he was trying to figure something out despite not knowing what it was that needed solving, and the Chunin that sat beside the Hokage nodded in approval. 

"Very well then," Hokage-sama smiled to himself, and shuffled around a few documents on his desk. "I have a C-rank, escort and guard mission for Team Seven." 

At his words alone, her teammates finally showed a hint of the training they'd been receiving since childhood as they stood to attention. Kakashi let go of both the boys, his hand spasming toward his weapons pouch where Sakura knew he stowed his books, before he seemingly resisted the urge and shoved both hands into his pockets. 

"Kotetsu, could you go fetch the client?" while the unfamiliar Chunin, who cast one more interested glance toward Sakura, went to gather the client the Hokage fixed Team Seven with a stern expression. "We have been commissioned by the newly appointed Daimyō of the Land of Steam to escort home one of their traveling musicians, Mura Yaeko, as she is directly related to the previous Daimyō and he is on his death bed-" 

"Whoa, that sounds super depressing old man!" Naruto cut in before the Hokage could finish, his tanned face scrunching up in distaste. "Don't you have anything cooler, or- ow, Kakashi-sensei!" 

Kakashi had swatted the back of Naruto's head hard enough that even Sasuke, who usually found any misfortune of Naruto's a sign of good tidings to come and perhaps even a sign for a celebratory dinner, winced in sympathy. 

"Naruto, missions like these are vital for the good relations of our nation with neighboring countries." the ghosts in the corner of the office were grumbling so loud about disrespect that Sakura had a hard time hearing what the current Hokage was actually saying. "If we deny Miss Yaeko the safety of our guard whilst she, who is a known individual and something of a celebrity, travels home to attend what will likely be her father's funeral- how will that look to not only the Daimyō of our nation, but the others as well?" 

The weight of what was said seemed to push down Naruto into obedience, though Sakura was sure he wasn't sure of the entire severity of what he'd suggested she was hoping he understood a little better now. Had Naruto skipped all of the classes the Academy had given them about good relation building between the nations? Didn't they teach him that it was not their place, as Shinobi and weapons of their village, to question the missions that were provided of them? Her dislike for the blonde grew, but with it sparked something else. Who was to blame for his failed education, surely not Naruto himself... 

"I..guess not.." Naruto mumbled, shoulders slumping, before something seemed to spark behind his blue eyes. "She's a celebrity? Maybe we'll have the chance to beat up some bad guys or something!" 

It was Kakashi now who looked as if someone had struck the back of his head, but neither of the grown men felt it was prudent to respond to the blond as the door opened once more and their client waltzed in. Several things happened at once- 

The blue haired girl smiled dazingly at them all, her face lighting up not at the sight of the Hokage, or her perfectly attractive teammates (though Sakura only admitted this grudgingly to herself, she'd sooner drown herself in the Naka river than tell that to anyone else.) but rather at the sight of Sakura. Kakashi, once again, stopped Sasuke from doing something, and the ghosts seemed to swell with an uncomfortable familiarity at the sight of Mura Yaeko. 

"is that-" 

"It couldn't be!" 

"Those eyes, though-" 

Her eyes were odd, fragmented kaleidoscopes of colors that reminded Sakura of a rainbow on a rainy day, they seemed to reflect the light of the room back at everyone who made eye contact. It left something warm and confusing building in Sakura's chest, but Naruto beside her was practically drooling over the pretty girl so Sakura slammed a mask of indifferent professionalism into place upon her face. 

The ghosts recognized their client, and it was with a growing sense of dread that Sakura realized the game of cat and mouse she'd been playing with the second Hokage since she'd first began to see ghosts may be coming to a close. Something was off about this mission, and from the knowing glint in the Hokage's eye he was in on whatever this was. 

"This is going to be so troublesome," she muttered, channeling Shikamaru so strongly in that moment that Kakashi-sensei choked on a surprised laugh. 

Chapter Text

Temper us in fire, and we grow stronger. When we suffer, we survive.

火の中で私たちを鍛えてください、そうすれば私たちはより強くなります。私たちは苦しんでも生き残ります。

— Cassandra Clare

Team Seven had a week to get Mura Yaeko to her father, and they could only hope that he didn’t die before then. Despite that tricky window of movement, they didn’t have to depart until the following morning. It seemed a little odd to Sakura, but she was grateful for the extra time.

She found herself at the Hyūga compound. She'd stopped at a florist's shop, not the one owned by Ino's family- Sakura didn't think she could bear to face her friends after she'd run away from them. She cradled two small bundles of blue hyacinths and white chrysanthemums, and when she passed the guards by the entrance they nodded politely to her. She'd been here nearly every other day since she'd been the sole survivor of that mission, and it had more or less become common knowledge within the family as to why there was a pink haired kunoichi invading their walls so often. It was strange, to be treated with a vague but solemn air of respect by such a renowned clan. 

Sakura's standing within the village had become strained. Ayanokoji’s family were well-known merchants, they had heavy standing within Konoha's civilian population, and their accusation that Sakura had been at fault for them losing their youngest son had caused an odd ripple effect. In the beginning whenever she walked through the streets people stared, or glared, some even shouted things. That first month had been utterly overwhelming, and it likely would have kept on if it weren't for the not so subtle backing of the Hyūga clan. She was sure it was on Hiashi's orders, for whatever reason, but after the first time someone had thrown something at her there seemed to always be a Hyūga on the same street as Sakura. Eventually the tension mellowed out some, Sakura likely could have shopped in the civilian distract again, but she had made the conscious decision not to. 

She couldn't be mad with his family, she blamed herself so why shouldn't anyone else blame her? It felt like the closest thing to justice she'd likely face, because he had died at her hand, and so she took the rejection with a heavy heart. Sakura didn’t turn away from the ostracization from the civilian class, even if it hurt to know there would now always be a separation between her and people she’d grown to love. 

She maneuvered the compound with ease, keeping her eyes set straight ahead and ignoring the stares that followed her to the main house. Sakura slipped in silently, slid out of her sandals and into house slippers that had somehow become hers, and headed toward the sanctuary. She'd never broken the trust that Hiashi placed in her by essentially giving her access to his home whenever she wished to enter it, the honor of it all was missed by none but Sakura herself. She didn't understand why someone of his standing would treat her so kindly, in her own mind she was little more than a civilian born immigrant with ghosts and blood on her hands. 

What did he see in her that she couldn't see herself? It didn't make sense. She shook away the feelings though, happy to only focus on her current task. 

Today, her customary peace in the sanctuary was broken, there was a boy around her age standing in front of the polished dark stone. His back was to her. She could tell from his proud stance, the set of his shoulders through his tan shirt, how taunt the muscles in his arms were, that whatever he was mourning was still haunting him. She paused at the entrance, the flowers held loose in her hands, and when he turned to look at her for a moment it was like she was looking in the mirror. 

Her heart thundered in her ears, and in his milky white gaze she saw a brewing hatred mingling with grief that Sakura could feel reflected from her own emerald eyes. A sharp wind blew through the sanctuary, pink petals from the sakura tree fluttered past, and her own hair obscured her vision for a moment. 

"Why are you here?" the boy's tone was harsh, but she could tell that his hatred and anger were not directed solely at her. Sakura tilted her head to the side, her eyes sharp as she observed his tense posture. 

"I'd imagine for the same reason as you," she admitted softly, only to receive a scoff from him. 

"There's no point in mourning for him, or any of them." she twitched, eyes narrowing as he spoke. These days, Sakura was dancing on a tightrope that balanced between anger and grief, guilt and bitterness. She wasn't sure if it was because of how angry she was at herself, how she wished she'd been the one to not come home sometimes, that she'd been strong enough to save even one of them, but she was ready to unleash her rage at any moment, even if she didn't want to. "Their fates were set in stone, nothing you or I could have done would have saved them. There's no point in even coming here." 

The word fate echoed in her head, and suddenly Sakura felt as if she was back in that blood soaked clearing surrounded by cosmos. The ground shook beneath her feet, and she was reminded how it felt to have her wrists entrapped by phantom shackles. Godly judgment was a heavy thing, it was something that could crush someone if they weren't prepared.

Her hands spasmed around the flowers, and she could feel herself tipping toward that heated rage, could feel the tickle of her kekkei genkai thrashing to rise to the bait of the delicious cursed energy she herself could exude if she didn't so desperately cage it in. It took every ounce of her self-control to stand rooted to the spot, to not crush the flowers despite how her hands curled into claws. She tried to see beyond her anger, to realize that he wasn't saying this because of her- it felt more like he was voicing frustration for himself. Still, it didn't stop her from seething. If she had stayed, if Sakura had been stronger, she could have saved them. She- she wasn't going to be a pawn to whatever fate the world thought she ought to be. 

Their deaths had been at the whim of a monster, a man who didn't care one way or another about who he hurt. Her team hadn't died because of fate , they died because the world was cruel. Nothing more, nothing less. It may be her fate to die killing that man after he'd decided to take their lives, but it hadn't been something that was predetermined. 

"If you really believe that," her voice was nothing more than a whisper, but the wind carried it to his ears. "Then why are you here?" 

There was a brief moment where surprise flitted across the boys features, as if he hadn't expected her to turn his own acidic ideations back on him, and then his face twisted into a snarl, and he stepped forward-

"Neji," Hiashi turned the corner leisurely, but his tone was cutting. His hands were obscured within his long kimono sleeves, and though he moved calmly everything about his gaze showed anger. "Haruno-san is my honored guest within these walls, either you treat her with the respect she deserves, or you do not interact with her." 

The boy, Neji, only seemed to seethe further, and then she watched invisible shutters go up over his eyes. His face smoothed over into an emotionless mask, and she was left staring in awe. He'd made it look so easy, Sakura couldn't help but feel envious. She'd always felt like she wore her emotions on her sleeve, even more so now than ever before. 

"I apologize, Haruno-san." Neji intoned, bowing mechanically, before he stalked away. 

Hiashi watched his nephew leave in silence, his gaze lingering on the empty path for a long moment, before he turned toward her with an inclination of his head. 

"I am sorry, Haruno-san, Neji is...troubled." he offered a tight smile, and gestured for her to approach the stone. He followed behind her, a solid presence at her back She offered a wan smile in response to his apology, taking a moment to compose herself before speaking.

"Hyacinths and chrysanthemums, remorse and mourning. Tell me, do you still believe it was your fault?" 

She was silent for a long moment, laying one of the bundles of flowers down in front of the stone and putting her hands together in a moment of prayer. She exhaled twice, asked her old Sensei for forgiveness once more, allowed her hands to drop, one bundle still held loosely in her left hand, and turned back toward the Hyūga clan head. 

"My team is leaving for a mission tomorrow morning," she hedged and wasn't sure why she'd told him, but she wasn't ready to answer that question yet. Besides, they both knew she did blame herself. What would it help voicing it aloud? "We'll be gone for two weeks." 

"Land of Steam, you'll likely be traveling along the Naka river. Past Basien town, perhaps stay the night in Setsuzoku or at one of the outposts." he gestured for her to follow him, and Sakura did so without complaint. "I cannot say for sure if Hatake will have you on the civilian route, or if he'll decide to go via the Ninja tree roads. I'd imagine both have perks, though neither will be an easy journey." 

"How do you know about the mission?" she hadn't even told her father yet, she'd come directly here to begin what she'd decided would be her post-mission routine. Regardless of how he'd gained his knowledge, she knew there was only one route for Team Seven to take, since Naruto and Sasuke hadn't been taught the basics of tree walking yet. She didn't divulge this knowledge though, her team's weaknesses were theirs alone to convent. 

"The Hokage and I have an...understanding." he did not look at her as he led her into the main house, down an unfamiliar hall, and across another courtyard that connected the inner-portions of the house itself. "He spoke to me before the village accepted the mission, before your team was assigned." 

Sakura followed silently, digesting this information, taking in the courtyard as they passed briskly through it. There were two girls training in the center, and with a jolt Sakura realized one of them was Hinata. Her old classmate seemed to realize at the same time, but it cost her dearly. The younger girl, her sister perhaps, shot forward and slammed an open palm into Hinata's chest. The short haired girl stumbled back, despite the lack of real force behind the blow, it was clear she'd lost the fight. 

In any real scenario, that would have been a killing blow. 

Weak , something whispered in Sakura's head, and she averted her eyes. Hiashi was still staring at his heir through, and she couldn't help but wonder if he was thinking the same as she had, even if that thought had filled her with shame. Hinata had been nothing but kind to her back during their Academy days, shy, but kind. What right did she have to judge her, when she'd been just as weak in the past? When her weakness had resulted in death. 

Whatever it was that the head of the Hyūga clan saw, she couldn't read it on his face. He continued onward, leading Sakura into another section of the house. The halls and rooms here were more personalized, more lived in, and Sakura felt some of the tension leaving her shoulders at the site of it. It was easy to forget, because of the prowess of this clan, that they too called Konoha home. They all fought under the same banner, but it still didn't make his support of her any clearer. 

It took her a moment to realize he'd lead her to the clan's armory. The walls were filled with organized clutter, armor and weapons, both broken and new, as far as the eye could see. Despite the unprecedented chaos of the room, Hiashi maneuvered around with what seemed to be practiced ease. He retrieved a sheathed blade from what looked to be a matching set. It was slightly longer than a tanto but shorter than a katana, and he turned back toward her with determination set into the lines of his usually rigid face. 

"You were once marked down for how strong your kenjutsu skills were, I know that you've been avoiding picking up a blade after that mission." his words cut through her sharper than any kunai could have, and Sakura was frozen to the spot. Even the thought of it brought back the memory- how easily her blade had cut through his skin, how warm his blood had felt on her face, how life had drained from his once bright blue eyes. The flowers dropped to the floor as her hands clapped over her mouth, willing the bile to not come up, but Hiashi seemed to have little sympathy for her at that moment. 

"Allowing a weakness like that to fester within you, Haruno-san, will only get your team killed again." he was moving toward her steadily, stepping over the flowers without even looking down, as she took steps back as if to retreat from the truth of his words. "One day, a blade will stand between you and death." 

Her back was to the door, but he stood proud in front of her. He held out the weapon, and Sakura tried to ground herself in the moment by taking in the details of the sheath. The leather was well cared for, the Hyūga clan symbol was branded on the front, along with the kana of their family motto. Place In The Sun. Hiashi's gaze seemed to soften for a moment, and Sakura realized it was him letting her see the kindness and interpret it for herself. 

"This belonged to my brother, Sakura." there was a rawness to his voice that was unfamiliar, it made her uncomfortable. "Will you wield it? Will you continue to fight to survive, will you hold this to deep death at bay, or will you accept things as fate ." 

Hiashi spit the last word with disdain, and so many questions filled her in that moment that Sakura was too stunned to do anything. Despite how he held it out, all but demanding that she take the weapon, she was comforted by the fact that he was still giving her the illusion of a choice. 

Her hands dropped to her side. 

"If-" Sakura swallowed hard, her hands felt so small at that moment. She felt unworthy, his own brother's weapon? What made her fit in his eyes to use this blade? Sakura didn't know, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to. "Can I wait until I'm ready?" 

Despite the hesitation in her tone, relief flashed across Hiashi's face before he closed the emotions off in the same way she'd seen Neji do. The man nodded solemnly. "So long as you carry it on you, as a reminder to your oath. I know how it feels to bear the burden of someone's blood on your hands, of someone whom you loved. The temptation to give up someday, to join them rather than fight, may be strong. So you must be stronger."

In that brief moment, for just a second, Sakura felt more seen by Hiashi's eyes than ever before. 

"Then, I will." she held out her hands, ignoring how they trembled. "...but, you have to teach me how you do that thing with your face when you don't want anyone to see how you're feeling." 

And the head of the Hyūga clan, whom so many within the village viewed as nothing more than a stern man, tipped his head back and laughed. 

Sakura knew that he would find her at the Memorial Stone. 

She wasn't sure how she knew, it had been instinctual really. She supposed she could always tell when the Nidaime was going to seek her out, it was how she'd been able to avoid him for so long. She shifted with the newly added, unfamiliar weight at her back. When she'd left with the sword proudly strapped to her back, she'd drawn more stares than ever before. 

" Finally ," an unfamiliar voice snapped from behind Sakura, and she turned from where she was kneeling in front of the stone on reflex. To anyone normal, the clearing around the memorial stone would have been empty. To anyone normal , they wouldn't have heard the voice of Tobirama Senju at all. Sakura wasn't normal though, and so she was able to see the man in all his dead glory. Unlike with her other ghosts, there was no clear indication as to how Tobirama had been killed, no blood was on his clothes though it seemed odd that his signature blue armor was missing. The white haired man was scowling at her, arms crossed across his chest and looking at her as if he could appraise her worth from his stare alone. " Are you finished with running from your duty? "

Sakura balked at his words, confusion flashing across her face before she tried what Hiashi had told her. She focused on something mundane in the back of her mind, something that would help filter her emotions onto the back burner so she could hide them easier. She expected from the smug look of the dead man before her, that she was hardly successful. 

"What the hell are you even talking about?" she snapped back, automatically on the defensive. 

"Don't play coy, it's time for you to stop running and allow me to teach you." 

There was a distinct pause, one in which Sakura's confusion and indignation melts away into pure bafflement. Had the Nidamie gotten his brains scrambled before he died? In what world would a Hokage want to teach her?

"No." her tone was flat, and she knew that it was ridiculous to refuse training from someone so strong but Sakura didn't want to feel like she'd cheated to get her strength, and she certainly didn’t want to give this arrogant man the satisfaction of bending to his will. "I'm not interes-"

" You must! " he ground out the words, face twisting as if each word hurt him to say. " It is your duty. "

"My- what?" Sakura couldn't help it, she laughed. The sound was short and sharp, nothing like what it once was. "Why do you even want to train me? Because I'm the only one who can see you?" 

"You ridiculously stubborn girl, you have the power to become the shepherd of what the village was meant to stand for, your kekkei genkai will give you the power to do what the Kage's weren’t able to. It is your duty and fate to do this for your village and-" 

"Stop." her voice was soft, but there was an edge to her tone that had the Nidamie hesitating. His gaze was heavy on her back as she turned away from him. There was that word again, as if anything about her life had been determined by fate. "Just- stay away from me." 

He didn't try to follow her, but his gaze was heavy on her back even after he’d lost sight of her.

She was packed and ready to leave for their mission, the first mission out of the village since Sakura had returned alone. She wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about it yet, but her bag had been sufficiently prepared and she was ready to go regardless of any personal feelings. 

She had a lot in her mind though, with her interactions at the Hyūga compound, her conversation with the second Hokage. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to sleep, but Sakura was laid down in bed and ready to try. 

There was something else that had been bothering her lately, and currently it was outside of her bedroom door. 

“Sakura,” her fathers voice was tired, and it made her heart hurt. She stayed fixed in bed though, cold hands fisting in her sheets. He’d made the same plea every night for the last few weeks, but she couldn’t bring herself to face him and what he was asking of her. “I know you feel like you have to, but you don’t have to stay in a team that will see the frontlines on any battle.”

Her teeth clenched, it was the same speech every time. 

“You’ve fulfilled your duty to the village by enlisting, Sakura. You’ve had enough field experience to transfer now, we can move you to our department in T&I. They’ll train you to be an investigator, please.” and she could hear it, how his voice wavered at the end. Her father knew the road she was choosing to go down, what her goal was when it came to what had happened with Team Four. 

He knew, and she knew that he did, but Sakura couldn’t bring herself to care enough to cater to what he wanted. She knew what her soul needed to be at peace with what had happened, and it wasn’t to become a paper ninja. 

The silence stretched, only broken when he finally sighed in defeat. 

“I love you, Sakura.”

The words were so soft she’d hardly heard them through the solid oak of her door. His steps were silent as he walked away, and Sakura was startled from her thoughts when Sakumo spoke up from her window. She jolted, having not noticed when the ghost appeared.

“ Perhaps ,” his voice was tentative, and Sakura could feel herself tensing in defensiveness. “ He may have the right idea, Sakura-chan. You don’t have to choose this route, there are other ways— you could help indirectly even if it’ll take longer- “ 

“No,” she surprised herself with how quickly she’d sat up, rage sparking in her veins. Her loss was still so new, so raw, that the very implication that she let it go was enough to make her temper snap. “If you really believe— if you think even for a second that I’m the kind of person to let it go, to move on and choose the easy way out then you don’t know me all.” 

Her voice quivered with her anger, but she kept her tone low. Sakumo’s eyes widened, a strange expression crossing his face. 

“ Sakura, please.” he sounded so much like her father at that moment that she couldn’t stomach it. Two of the men she trusted most in the world seemed to have no faith in her goals, in her needs, and it was too much to bare on top of everything else. 

“Go away,” shame filled Sakura as her voice cracked, but she was resolute in her desire. “Just, leave.” 

And for the second time that day, a ghost obeyed her wishes. 

Mura Yaeko was, in Sasuke's humble opinion, weird.

Like, weirder than Naruto which was kind of impressive. He wasn't sure what it was about her, though. Maybe it was how quiet she was, her movements were as silent as Kakashi. Every step their client made was elegant, but not like Sakura's. It was more so like she was trying to mimic something, and from the glances she kept stealing toward Sakura his guess would be that she was trying to mimic his teammate. 

On the subject of weird things, Sakura was also acting weird as hell. When she'd first gotten to the gate it was clear that something was bothering her, heavy bags were under her eyes like she hadn't slept and she was avoiding everyone's gaze. Her weirdness had only seemed to amplify after Kakashi pulled her to the side, their conversation short and quiet. She'd stayed behind at the gate for a moment to hand off their paperwork to the guards, only catching up with them five minutes later. 

They had chosen a formation around Yaeko, Naruto and Sasuke to the left and right respectively, Kakashi in the front, and Sakura in the back. It was a loose formation, three feet between them all, which is what made it so impressive that the client kept looking at Sakura with little to no shame. 

"Did the guards give you a hard time?" Naruto directed his question to Sakura after almost two hours of near-silence, his hands held tight to the straps of his beat up bag. There was a pause, Sasuke grudgingly thought that was a valid question, but Sakura looked as if it was the stupidest thing she'd ever heard. 

"Hn," she looked away from them, hands in her pockets, an expression of absolute indifference on her face. 

Naruto's mouth dropped open, an expression of abstract horror set on his face. The bellow of outrage was so loud and distracting, that nearly everyone missed how Sasuke stumbled. 

"Sasuke-teme is the one who can’t talk- Sakura you can't just- what the-" the blond seemed to be having a hard time forming words, nothing new in Sasuke's opinion, but the Uchiha only had eyes for Sakura. Her face was a perfect mask, which was odd. It wasn't like he paid a lot of attention to her or anything, but Sasuke would like to think that he knew her well enough to know that she was usually shit at hiding how she felt. 

The tree's rustled from the south, and the attack came before Sasuke could even fully comprehend what had happened. Naruto stumbled backward, tumbling off his feet as one of the assailants lunged toward him with weapons drawn. Kakashi catches the client easily, lifting Yaeko off her feet and swinging her around behind him as he blocks the sword of a second assailant. 

There's a choked noise from behind him, and when Sasuke turns he's staring at Sakura's blood soaked chest. There is a blade pultruding through her, a look of stilted surprise stuck on her face as she falls in what feels like slow motion. Something twists in his own chest, his eyes burning, and Sasuke moves on autopilot. He throws a kunai at the man who just killed his teammate, feeling vicious pleasure when it sinks into the flesh of the man's neck, and dodges the attack from a fourth enemy with only seconds to spare. 

Naruto is left sitting in the dirt, blue eyes unblinking as he stares at Sakura's crumbled form. Behind them Kakashi is fighting two on one, successfully keeping the client out of harm's way, but the first attacker is advancing on Naruto. Sasuke's heart jumps at the sight, a part of his soul screaming out that he can't lose anyone else, please no more-

There is a streak of pink that fills his vision for the briefest of moments, and then Sasuke is filled with more questions than answers. 

Sakura's kunai finds its mark in the sword arm of the man that was advancing on Naruto, and the enemy stumbles with a cry of pain. She's on him in an instant, her face twisted with rage as the palm of her hand solidly connects to the center of his chest. The force of the blow seems to do something to the man's lungs, because he's suddenly gurgling and gasping for air. 

Sasuke doesn't have time to focus on that though, because his own attacker is throwing a knife at his head and he barely has time to dodge before another one is being thrown. 

Naruto is still sitting in the dirt, and it makes Sasuke's blood boil in anger. 

"Fucking, do something useful you loser!" he finally snaps as the sharp edge of a throwing knife cuts a hot trail across Sasuke's cheek, and it sems to finally set Naruto free. The blond lunged to his feet, face twisted with fear and determination, but Sakura was there before he'd even fully risen. The expression of anger is viciously set on her face, and she doesn't even falter as one of the man's weapons split open the skin of her cheek, doesn’t hesitate even for a second as his blood splattered over her hands when she sunk her kunai into his neck.

Sasuke and Naruto are both left to stare at her as she turned on the last man standing, the air around her seeming to thicken with her rage as she bares down on him. He raises one of his throwing blades, the same ones he'd used on Sasuke, and with a flash of speed she'd caught the blade and tossed it back with more strength than Sasuke knew she had.

The man took in a sharp breath, blood spewing past his lips, and then he crumbled to the ground with the blade sticking from right between his eyes. When he hit the dirt, the weapon was pushed until it protruded from the back of his head.

There was only silence in the wake of the battle, and it was in that moment, looking at his female teammate, that Sasuke understood that he needed to work harder if he wanted to fight as effortlessly as he'd just watched Sakura. She straightened out her posture with ease, flicking the blood from her hands with an expression of indifference. 

"That was..." for the first time, the Uchiha was truly at a loss for words. The word amazing was on the tip of his tongue, his heart was racing in his chest in a way that couldn't wholly be blamed on the rush of battle, but Naruto ruined everything in an instant. 

"Awful!" the boy belted the word like it was vomit he had to get out of his mouth lest he choke on it. "You- you just killed them, Sakura!" 

Sasuke sent a vicious glare at the blond moron, but Sakura surprised him with the abrupt laugh that tore from her throat. It wasn't pretty and fluttering like it had been when they were kids at the academy, this laugh was colder than ice. 

"They were trying to kill you, Naruto." her tone was resolute, but her eyes were as cold as her laugh had been. "Fight however you want, but don't expect me to allow the blood of my comrades to stain my hands because you hold virtues for human life." 

"Naruto," Kakashi cut through the sudden tense atmosphere, a serious expression set on his usually jovial face. "In battle, it is often kill or be killed. Our job is to protect the client's life first and foremost, don't shame your teammate for being willing to step between you and death. Sasuke, good reaction time. Sakura, next time try less enemy casualties, they can always be disposed of once they answer questions." 

Naruto looked equally crestfallen and disgusted by the time Kakashi was finished speaking, but for the first time in maybe his whole life, he had nothing more to say. There was a beat of silence as their sensei set to sealing away the bodies of their enemies into scrolls, before he turned on the one he’d kept alive. 

He hesitated for a moment, glancing first at Naruto then Yaeko.

“Naruto, Sasuke, why don’t you two take Yaeko over there-” he pointed toward a shaded spot a few meters away in the forest, just far enough that they wouldn’t be able to hear or see what he was planning to do. “-and rest for a moment.”

Naruto went without a word, the client trailing after him, but Sasuke hesitated for a moment, his hands tingling. He didn’t want to have to hide from this aspect of the mission, he didn’t want to feel like he was being left behind.

“I can stay,” he said stubbornly, feeling anger build at how Kakashi’s gaze slid over him dismissively. “I can.”

“Go with Naruto,” their Sensei turned away from him then, and Sasuke could feel his face heat in shame at how easily he was sent away. Sakura stood silent, green eyes wary as she stared at him, and it just made Sasuke’s stomach sink. Did she think he was too weak too?

The last Uchiha turned away silently, and tried to pretend he was angry instead of hurt.

Kakashi sighed after Sasuke walked away, a headache building behind his eyes from the tension. It wasn’t that he didn’t think the Uchiha could handle this, it was more so that he didn’t feel explaining what he was about to do was prudent on a mission. Sasuke would have questions once he saw, and Kakashi should really stop putting off the conversation he knew they needed to have.

Afterall, there was a reason he’d been given the last Uchiha as a student. The Hokage and elders had expectations that were weighing heavily on Kakashi, expectations that had rested onto Sakura’s shoulders as well.
Kakashi was expected to teach Naruto and Sasuke everything he knew, to make them as strong as he was, so they’d be the perfect soldiers for the village. Sakura’s job was to help protect them as they learned and grew into stronger Shinobi.

In a way, it was unfair for Kakashi. He was forced to explain how he’d received a gift that haunted him every moment of everyday, to teach secrets that had been entrusted onto him by a clan that is long gone. He was forced to look at the son of his teacher, and to know that he couldn’t save his father or Naruto.

He knew this was even more unfair on his female student, though. She was being willingly held back, forced to work with two people that all but taunted everything she’d gone through. They expected Kakashi to favor the boys over her, they didn’t expect her to learn anything from him.

Maybe that was why Kakashi found himself favoring her, why he found himself more willing to teach Sakura than the two stubborn boys. Maybe it was because he saw too much of himself in her. Whatever it was, he knew it wasn’t fair on anyone in his team. Eventually, Kakashi would have to get over himself and find a way to teach all three of them, but he was just a man trying to cope with his new role in three children's lives.

“I don’t act like that.” Sakura’s sullen voice shook him from his thoughts, and Kakashi looked toward her in confusion. His visible eyebrow rose as the mullish expression on the girl's face.

“How you were having your clone act, that isn’t how I act.” she crossed her arms and looked away from him, a slight flush spreading up her neck. He held back a laugh, his heart warming ever so slightly. “I’m not that emotionally constipated.”

“Not yet.” he chuckled, enjoying the indignation that flared across her face. It was a good reminder that she was still a child. A lost and hurt one, one that reminded him much too clearly of himself when he was her age, but still a child nonetheless. It was a shame that he couldn’t afford her the luxury of innocence.

“Sakura, what you’re about to see is an S-rank secret. I’ll answer any questions after, understood?” the girl snapped to attention at his authoritative tone, and Kakashi felt sick at the sight. She was the perfect little soldier, if their circumstances had been different he was sure she would have flourished under a more serious teacher.

Kakashi turned toward the woman he’d left tied to a tree, eye narrowing on her half lidded gaze. Her shirt was soaked from the wound he’d given her at the nape of her neck, and her breathing was ragged, but she looked coherent enough. Kakashi crouched in front of her, his arms resting over his knees.

“Are you going to do this the easy way, or the hard way?”

She spat at him, her gaze sharpening in anger. The men his students had fought were a little beyond Genin in their skill level, but this woman was closer to Jonin. She hadn’t exactly been hard to deal with, Kakashi was more so extending the fight to gauge her skill level. She hadn’t ever been a threat to him, and he could tell she knew it from how she looked at him. It was the same expression a rabid dog had when backed into a corner, when it had nothing left to lose.

“You and your little bitch killed my brothers, you can go to hell.” her voice was nothing more than a low rasp, but Kakashi just chuckled.

“Hard way it is then!” he said, voice falsely jovial, before he lifted his headband.

Kakashi had a sharingan.

Sakura wasn’t sure how she felt at the revelation, but she supposed it all made sense now. No one else would be able to teach Sasuke like he could, and if Orochimaru had his sights set on her having someone like Kakashi as her teacher would help protect her.

It was still strange, she’d never heard of anyone outside of the Uchiha clan having their Kekkei Genaki, but guessing from the jagged scar on his face, he hadn’t been born with it. She’d never really looked into it, or thought much about it, but she supposed it could work.

The woman gave them all the information they needed without even realizing she’d done it, not until Kakashi slid his hitai-ate back down. Sakura thought it may have been better to be physically tortured over what he’d just done, at least she would have had the power to give in when she couldn’t withstand anymore. The woman’s face was a frozen mask for a moment, and then her expression crumbled.

“Just kill me too,” she sobbed. “Miori will if you don’t, and there’s no point anymore. My brothers are gone, I’ve got nothing left.”

Sakura felt as if her heart was constricting in her chest. Miori the leader of a mercenary group, the same group this woman and her brothers had been a part of. Miori had been contracted by someone to kill Yaeko before she made it home, and that was all the woman knew.

“Kakashi-sensei?” she wasn’t sure what the standard procedure on this was. When she took missions with Team Four, if they ever encountered bandits or if they were dispatched to stop someone, they usually took them to Kohona’s holding facility after incapacitating them. Today wasn’t the first time she’d actually killed someone, her first had been Ayanokoji, and so she didn’t feel phased about killing an enemy like she had thought she would.

She’d killed to protect, it hadn’t been personal. It was also how Kakashi operated, apparently. He didn’t seem to care all that much that their enemies were dead now, or that she had helped kill any of them.

This was different, though. The woman was defenseless, she didn’t want to fight anymore. She was broken, but instead of fully embracing her rage at having the people she loved killed- she’d given up.

Her stomach twisted uncomfortably when Kakashi turned to her, his gaze heavy.

“What do you think is the best course, Sakura?”

To anyone else, it may have seemed odd that the teacher was asking his student this, but she understood. It was another test, one that she wasn’t sure either of the boys were ready for yet. While a part of her wanted to spare the woman, the instinct to eliminate the threat was stronger than any of her personal feelings. If they let her live and released her, there was no guarantee they’d be safe. They didn’t have time to take her to a holding facility, they had to prioritize the mission above all else.

Even more than that though, Sakura knew how it felt to lose everything. Could this have been how she turned out if she hadn’t had Sakumo, Shisui, and her father? The thought made her usually cold hands even colder.

“The mission comes first,” her voice was mechanical, her tongue felt like dead weight in her mouth. “We don’t have time for any alternative paths, the best course would be—“ 

The air stuttered in her lungs. Earlier, when she’d killed those goons, she’d been so caught up in the flash of battle to recognize what came after. How their spirits had separated had seemed agonizing, but it was when they’d turned to look at her that felt truly haunting. Even though she’d killed them, even though she’d looked them in the eyes, they hadn’t lingered. Were they still here, could she just not see them? 

Her hand lowered to her weapons holster at her thigh, and she withdrew a blade. Would Kakashi-sensei ask her to do it, or would he do it himself? Was it another test, or was this just her reality now. 

“Sakura,” his voice was resigned, and he looked tired. “If you want to go be with the boys, I can handle this part alone. I’ll answer any questions you have, after the mission.” 

She wanted to take the bait, to run away from this tragedy and embrace the ignorance her teammates had. She couldn’t, though. It was a resolute fact that would haunt her until the day she died. Sakura could never truly run from death, it was a fundamental part of her she was. Because of that, she couldn’t run from killing either. 

“I’ll stay.” her voice was little more than a whisper, but Kakashi nodded. He’d expected as much, that she was sure of. 

“Thank you!” Yaeko managed to startle all of them, even Kakashi-sensei, which was pretty impressive in Naruto's humble opinion. Their teacher jolted slightly, only enough that Naruto was able to notice because he’d been glaring at the back of the man's head. Sasuke stumbled, his toes scraping in the sand, and Sakura froze. He couldn’t blame any of them though, because their client's voice was magical.

Kakashi looked back at them all, he looked weirdly uncomfortable.

“I’m going to scout out a camping spot for us, stay alert.”

That was, of course, his perfect excuse to escape any emotional outbursts.

“What for?” Naruto couldn’t help asking after their sensei made his escape. He’d turned more to fully face the pretty girl, taking in her bright hair and even brighter eyes. He wondered if the others felt the same warmth he did when she looked at them.

“You all fought to protect me, I didn’t anticipate anything more than some bandits.” her voice was musical, soft and smooth, charming in all the ways that mattered. Naruto understood now why she was such a popular musician, if she sang anything like she talked. “I’m sorry for the trouble I’ve caused, but thank you for helping me.”

Despite answering his question, despite talking to them all, Yaeko only had eyes for Sakura. It was something he’d noticed right away, something he had understood instantly. His female teammate was, to Naruto, pretty amazing. She was brave, and fast, and she’d moved to protect him with no hesitation. She never insulted him, never made him feel dumb like Sasuke.

She never looked at him like everyone else in the village, like he was a monster.

Shame flared in Naruto’s chest as he thought back on the events from earlier that day, how he’d judged her for doing what she did. He hadn’t meant it, not really. He knew what being a Ninja meant, he knew you couldn’t save everyone. He’d just been caught off guard at how easily his pretty teammate had taken someone else's life.

She hadn’t hesitated, not even for a second. Kakashi and Sakura had planned for her to follow their group, while Kakashi used a shadow clone under a henge to act as if their whole team had been together. Their scheme had helped them protect the client, and if it hadn’t been for that Naruto wasn’t sure if she could have protected him in time.

“You’re welcome,” Sakura surprised him again by speaking up, the softest expression he’d ever seen on her face was directed at their client and it made something in his chest flutter. “Please don’t feel indebted, it is our job. We’ll continue to protect you until we get you home.”

Yaeko softened as Sakura spoke, her rainbow eyes shimmering, and Naruto had to do something or he felt like he’d combust.

“I’ll do better next time, Yae!” he smiled brightly at her, his left cheek dimpling. “No one will get past me ever again, believe it!”

Yaeko smiled in endearment at Naruto, but there was something else in her eyes. Something Naruto didn’t understand, though he’d seen it in the Hokage’s eyes before. It was a wise look, but also sad.

“I know you will, Naruto-kun.” she said, and she said it like she’d always known it. 

Knowing now that their client was an active target changed a few things for how they'd travel. Instead of stopping off in Setsuzoku or at one of the outposts as Hiashi had predicted, they would be camping in the thicket of the woods surrounding them. They were close enough to the road that they could find their way back, but far enough that their camp fire couldn't easily be seen. Kakashi had handled setting up the traps, making the perimeter very clear to all of them so no one accidently stumbled onto one in the middle of the night for a bathroom break. 

Sakura and Sasuke were in charge of setting up the tent, which left Naruto to cook. In their earlier days of training she'd just assumed Sasuke would be the better cook of the two, the Uchiha was always well groomed and neat, whilst Naruto seemed to have a near constant layer of dirt smudged on his skin. It was a genuine surprise to learn Sasuke burned everything he attempted to cook, aside from rice or omelets, and would resort to eating tomatoes like apples if truly desperate. Meanwhile, Naruto was able to cook actual meals, as long as there were no vegetables. 

Though, he truly thrived when it came to heating packages of ramen and doctoring them up to taste even better than the original product. It was a real struggle to get him to cook anything other than ramen, though it was possible. 

Yaeko was lingering near the blond, watching with rapt attention as he prepared their meal for the night while she fiddled with her kokyū. She was playing the string instrument smoothly despite only looking at Naruto, her left hand held loosely around the bow. The music was enchanting in the same way Yaeko's voice was, and it drifted across their camp. 

Sakura arranged four sleeping bags inside the tent into a neat row, taking the last one outside. 

"What are you doing?" Sasuke caught her arm in passing, effectively halting her in place. Her eyes snapped to his hand, instinctively tensing at the abrupt and unwanted contact. For what it was worth, he looked surprised with himself. His dark eyes were set on where he was holding her arm, a frown tugging at his lips. 

"Routine watch should be outside of the tent," Sakura fought to keep her tone neutral, despite how she really wanted to jerk her arm out of his hand. 

"They didn't teach us that at the Academy." he argued, face set in a stubborn mask of discontent with her decision. A swell of indignation filled her chest, and she jerked her arm free with a tad more force than was likely necessary.

"You learn a lot when you're actually in active duty, and not playing school boy in a classroom." Sakura's voice was low, but her words were more cutting than any blade she'd ever wielded. Sasuke flinched, a strange expression flittering across his face, but she didn't stay to hear anything else he may have had to say.

To her, both of her teammates were a mockery of what a Shinobi squad should be. They hardly took anything serious, even filling training with personal disputes and drama. Neither of them could find a way to put aside their differences in favor of professionalism. It made everything she'd endured feel like a cruel joke, what was the point of it all now. 

"Sakura," Shisui was lingering under the tree as she laid out the sleeping bag, frowning in a way that was painfully reminiscent of Sakumo. "I understand you're angry about it all, but he isn't the one you're really angry at and we both know it." 

"You don't understand anything!" she snarled, the fabric of the sleeping bag straining beneath her fisted hands. 

"Calm down there, killer!" the jovial voice of Kakashi-sensei startled Sakura so badly she actually toppled over, the sleeping bag coming unfolded as she jolted in surprise. The fabric obscured her vision for a moment as it settled over her head, giving her a moment to try and reign in the embarrassed flush that was spreading up her neck and across her cheeks. "Young love often starts with late night arguments, fret not my cute little Genin! I'm sure you and your dashing- oof ." 

The bag was bunched up and thrown in record time, colliding with Kakashi-sensei's stomach before falling into a harmless, wrinkled heap on the ground at his feet. Despite the noise he'd made, the Jonin seemed distinctly unruffled which only made Sakura more agitated. He was holding two bowls of steaming food, and his eye was crinkled in that way that meant he was smiling. 

"It's not like that, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura was still sitting on the ground, her eyes set on the camp fire across the clearing. Naruto sat beside their client, yapping away as she slowly ate her food. Sasuke must have joined them, because he was holding his own bowl and staring down at its contents gloomily. He really didn't like ramen, or maybe it was the fact that Naruto was better at something than him. "I don't like him even as a comrade, suggesting romance is just perverted." 

To her surprise, Kakashi-sensei actually laughed. It wasn't like one of his usual guarded laughs, rather one that seemed to rip from his stomach with genuine mirth. She frowned at him, feeling more annoyed than ever, but still took the bowl when it was offered to her. Kakashi sat beside her, leaning against the tree. Sakura stared down in surprise at her dinner, because she'd been expecting ramen. Instead, Naruto had made a hearty stew filled with tomatoes, eggplant, mushrooms, and-

"He asked me where to buy mission rations, so I took him to one of the usual places. They dry out meats and vegetables that can be rehydrated without spoiling during missions." Kakashi was looking down into his own bowl, but his eye was still crinkled with a smile. "Pork belly is pretty expensive, but then again so is eggplant." 

There was a fondness in his tone that she was unfamiliar with, but Sakura supposed she felt the same thing toward her blonde haired teammate sometimes. He could be obnoxious and annoying, loud and horribly short tempered, but he was also painfully thoughtful. 

"Do you need to talk about it?" Kakashi's voice was softer than she felt she deserved, but he was always doing that with her. It was as if her new Sensei could see past all her anger and bitterness, it was almost like he looked at her and saw something he recognized. She wasn't sure how that made her feel.

"The way he looked at me,” she stared down at the bowl in her hands as her stomach twisted in knots. She’d seen that same expression mirrored on the face of Ayanokoji's family, on the faces of nameless civilians she’d passed who knew of her failures and labeled them sin. “It was like he thought I was a monster, but I just- it was just instinct. Does that make me a monster?” 

Sakura hated how her voice broke on the last syllable, and she didn’t want to look at her Sensei and see the same expression but she had to. She needed to know if this was really what she was, if it was all she’d be seen as.

Kakashi just looked sad, though. He looked like he’d aged many years since he’d first sat down beside her, and for some reason that made Sakura feel even more guilty. 

“Everyone who enlists with a village has their own form of the Will of Fire, just as every Ninja has their own standard for their Shinobi Way.” he started off tentatively, his eye set on the trees above them rather than looking at her. “Oftentimes, other people won’t understand each other's reasons for how they live. No two people have ever experienced the same pain, so no one will ever fully understand the things we’ve gone through and how they’ve shaped us to become the people we are now.” 

“People are scared of the things they can’t understand, and sometimes fear can turn into anger, or disgust, but you need to understand that their feelings are not your burden to bear.” Kakashi looked at her then, and in his gray eye Sakura thought she could see the ghosts of his past reflected back at her. “If the instinct to end an enemy in order to protect a teammate is what makes you a monster, then well, we’re both monsters.” 

It wasn’t a significant moment, not really, and yet something within her seemed to solidify with those words. Despite everything, Sakura was still just a lost kid wondering why her mom had been killed. She was still just a pre-teen running from the dead bodies of her teammates, she was still hurting and healing and she didn’t want to be a monster.

Sakura wanted to be good, wanted to be loved and to love. She hadn’t been born this ugly and broken thing she felt she was now, she’d been made into it. But if Kakashi-sensei felt the same way, then maybe it wasn’t too bad. 

The music was still softly blanketing their camp, and for the first time in what felt like ages Sakura's hands felt warmer than usual. The soup tasted amazing, and if she cried while she ate it Kakashi would never tell a soul. 

How long had she been running? The hours had blurred into a mass of incomprehensible time, all she could focus on was moving further and further from the carnage she'd left behind. Every rustle that ran through the forest, every breeze that tugged at her clothes, was enough to keep her on edge. He could be right behind her, and she'd likely never even know until it was too late. 

Every time Sakura shut her eyes, all she could see were the bloody and broken forms of her team. When she'd chanced a glance back toward her Sensei once last time, all she'd seen was the growing hole in his stomach. 

She landed unsteadily on the forest floor, stumbling a few feet forward before bracing herself against the sturdy bark of a tree as her stomach rolled in rebellion. Her knees were shaking, and it wasn't long before she was on the forest floor looking up at the trees. The thick foliage was blocking out all of the light, so Sakura couldn't tell what time it was. 

"You have to keep moving," Sakumo and Shisui were lingering nearby, always present after what had happened. They were her life lines, which was a horrible joke considering they were ghosts. "He could be right behind you." 

"What happened?" she whispered the same question she'd asked every time they spoke to her, the scroll clutched tightly in her hand. There was dried blood under her nails. "How did- Goro, his neck-" 

Her eyes burned, but no tears were falling. It was like she'd cried them all already, and now there was nothing left. All she had were fragments of the moment, of her sword cutting Ayanokoji, of him saying- 

What had he said? His lips had moved, but everything had turned into white noise at that moment. 

"You really ought to keep moving," one of them said, only it didn't sound like either of her ghosts. Sakura blinked, and the trees above her were growing hazy. She was so tired, it wouldn't hurt to rest for just- no, Sensei had told her she needed to- "Little snake, now isn't the time to rest." 

Orochimaru was above her, the gold of his eyes luminescent compared to the dull green all around them. Her heart spasmed in her chest, panic flooding her from head to toe. 

"Wake up," he hissed, but his voice was changing too. It wasn't the voice of Orochimaru anymore, but many voices mingling together under the brass of a man's heavy tone reverberating in her brain. She'd heard this before, in other dreams, but never so clearly. "Wake up, wake up, w̶a̷k̶e̷ ̶u̵p̸, w̵̲̿a̸̙͝k̵̥͗ë̷͙́ ̷̝̄ǔ̴͕p̷̧̈, w̶̰̹̅͛̐à̶̲̠̉͘͜ḱ̸̼̭̳͚̇ͅḛ̵̘̊̀͆̈́͠ ̶̫͚̠͓̆̌̔͌̑͜ư̷̞̦̗̋̈́̎p̴̖͙̹̎͊̿."

Sakura's eyes snapped open, and the trees that stretched far above her were eerily familiar to those same trees all those months ago. The nightmare was sharp enough to give her an instant sense of clarity, her heart thundering in her ears as her hand reflexively snapped to the hilt of her sword she now slept curled around. They were on their fourth day of travel, and things had been suspiciously quiet for their group, which was making both Sakura and Kakashi twitchy. Sasuke and Naruto seemed to notice the tension, even if they were less familiar with this oddity on a mission such as this, but their bickering had lowered into a near constant moody silence.

Something was wrong though, and it wasn't just the nightmare. Sakura have grown familiar with camping, even more so with rotating shifts for watch. Sakura would take the first watch while Kakashi slept in the bag beside her, then they would rotate. After both their watches, they'd wake up the boys and trade. It was safe, and in its own ways the routine was helping Naruto and Sasuke grow their trust with one another better. 

The forest around her, which was so often full of soft noises even in the dead of the night, was deathly silent. 

Kakashi's familiar hand rested atop her head, a gesture he'd done many times in the last few nights whenever she'd woken from a nightmare. It had often made her feel safe enough to drift back off to sleep, but this time was different. His fingers tapped a rhythm against her forehead. 

Two enemies, one trip line broke. North east, fifty meters ahead. 

Adrenaline flooded her system, as her eyes connected with the solid grey of Kakashi's lone eye. There was a dash of panic washing in, but for the most part she felt alert and prepared. Her fingers tapped against the hilt of her sword, and his eye snapped to the movement. 

Orders? 

Kakashi seemed to smile, his eye curving slightly in the moment before replying in kind. 

Wake boys, Naruto stay. Take Sasuke, wrap around. Catch up to me. 

Not waiting for a reply, Kakashi moved. He was little more than a blur of speed, but Sakura was bouncing out of her sleeping bag in an instant, sliding her sword on her back before patting her weapons pouches for reassurance, and closing the distance between their watch station and the tent with silent steps. 

Sasuke and Naruto slept closest to the entrance of the tent, which often made switching out for the night seamless, but it also helped with this. 

"Wake up," her voice was a near silent hiss, but it was enough to instantly rouse Sasuke who sat up with alarm. Naruto twitched, but otherwise didn't move. She swore, the blond bastard could sleep through his apartment burning down and not notice. Sasuke took one look at the grave expression on her face before elbowing Naruto hard enough in the ribs to make it startle awake.

"Wha-" Sakura slapped a hand over his mouth, shaking her head at both of them. "Two enemies, Sensei wants Sasuke and I to circle them and help him attack. Naruto, he trusts you with the client, make clones if you have to." 

As she whispered their orders, she watched with a drop in her stomach as their sleepy faces changed to better reflect the dire situation they've found themselves in. Sasuke nodded tensely before sliding out of the tent around her, and she'd turned to follow when a warm hand wrapped around her wrist. Sakura snapped back toward her third teammate, a reprimand on the tip of her tongue for him slowing her down but-  

Even in the dim light, Naruto's eyes were startlingly blue. Her breath caught in her throat, and that was the only chance he needed. 

"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan." his words were rushed, but there was an urgency that was so genuine on his tanned skin that she was stunned into listening to him. "The other day, how I reacted, it wasn't- just, do what you have to." 

His hand was so warm on her wrist, the calluses of his fingers that rubbed against her skin painted a story of training she never knew. For some reason, that short moment shared in that tent was enough for something to spark between the two of them, and to Sakura it felt an awful lot like the beginnings of trust. 

"Don't worry, Naruto." she offered a somewhat strained smile, before ducking out of the tent.

Chapter Text

All live to die, and rise to fall.

すべての人は死ぬために生きており、立ち上がるために倒れます。

― Christopher Marlowe

The only light in the room was the soft glow from a bulb overhead, it was attached and low hanging from the ceiling, illuminating the silhouette of a man as he leaned over a table. The gleam made his chestnut colored hair appear glossy, showing the obvious care he held for his appearance. He wasn’t working in silence though, a record player had been set up. A relatively upbeat instrumental tune was being played, and the man was humming along happily. 

The ribs he was cracking open snapped audibly, blood squelching between his gloved fingers as he very tenderly caressed the heart within the chest cavity he’d expertly carved open. 

“I’m sorry to interrupt, my Lord, but-“ 

“Ah, ah, ah!” he raised one hand, pointer finger wagging at the attendant that had just stepped into his lab. “This is the best part of the song, don’t be impertinent.” 

The room was filled with relative silence once more, except for the music and heavy breathing. If the attendant was uncomfortable, they were trying their best to mask it. He’d appreciated that when it came to his employees, if that’s what they could be called. 

The crescendo of the song soon filled the room, and it was only when the music slowly died off that he gestured for the girl to speak once more. 

“My lord, the latest reports show that they’ve left the border and are closing in on their objective.” The girl shifted in unease as he set aside one bloodied tool so he could then turn toward her to give his full attention. 

“The entire team?” 

“Yes, my Lord.” 

“I see, and how are our gifts to the Land of Steam faring?” He’d said this as if it was an inside joke, his lips curling up at the mere idea of it all. 

“They’re unstable, but usable. I believe collected data will be hindered because of this, but if we send an agent to-“ 

“That won’t do,” his smile was gone, though he seemed to not notice how the girl tensed in response. “How can I monitor them if I don’t have someone competent watching? That won’t do at all.”

He stared at his bloodied gloves for a long moment, invisible calculations shining in his honeyed gaze. To the girl, it looked as if he was mentally re-strategizing a chess game. She idly wondered who could possibly be this man’s opponent. After a long moment of stretched silence, in which she tried her best to not fidget, he finally seemed to reach a conclusion.

“I believe I’d like for you to go, be discreet. You may make contact, so long as it doesn’t raise any suspicions. I require detailed recounts of everything...” he turned back to the table, cooing at the terrified eyes that stared back up at him but not oblivious to how the girl seemed unflatteringly appeased by the off hand compliment. “Don’t you worry, you’re not quite as important as my little snake or the Uchiha. You won’t have to suffer much longer, the mutation to your nervous system is just so interesting.” 

She took the dismissal for what it was, adjusting her glasses before quickly retreating. He was humming to the man’s muffled screams, just as gleefully as he’d been listening to music only moments ago. 

His plans were changing, but Orochimaru was nothing if not adaptable. He grinned down at his hands, remembering the thrill he’d felt when that little girl had managed to catch him by surprise. It reminded him of his encounter with Itachi, the thrill of having an opponent that could oppose him. Itachi wasn't a snake though, he didn’t have that cold edge that separated him from the rest of the flock, and so he wasn’t suitable for what Orochimaru had in mind. It had taken some time to find a different candidate, it was rare after all to find someone like what he’d been looking for.

The girl had started something she was wholly unaware of, a dangerous game she seldom had a chance of escaping. That was why Orochimaru had made the choice to take on a new host body so soon, even if the host was so close to the doors of death that his soul hadn't remained. 

He was certain her reaction to his choice would be enough to incubate more wrath in Sakura Haruno, her potential was delicious. 

Sasuke and Sakura moved with relative ease, though she wished they could have taken to the trees. She’d already decided that if Kakashi-sensei didn’t get a move on in teaching the boys tree walking she’d just do it herself, because having one of her favorite ways of travel cut off was getting increasingly tiresome. She wasn’t sure how he put up with it, but maybe it was because he was just a lazy bastard. If his teaching style was any indication, she was probably right.

They circled around the perimeter quietly, crouching in the thick bush and observing the tense scene. 

Kakashi was attempting to talk to what would be their enemies, an older man and younger girl, they both had Kiri headbands with gouged lines through their village’s insignia. Given the fact that the man had drawn twin daggers and the girl was holding an odd looking tanto with a curved blade like a sickle, the conversation likely wasn’t going very well.

They said something she couldn’t quite hear, and then Kakashi whistled once— sharp and short. 

With a surprising amount of synchronization, Sakura and Sasuke jumped out to land on either side of their Sensei. The man and girl didn’t seem to be surprised by the change in formation, the man even smiled at them.

“I was wondering how long they’d be hiding in the dirt,” he sneered, brown eyes glinting in the moonlight with maliciousness. The girl tittered in response, clearly a little unstable if her laugh was anything to go off of. “So, you won’t agree to our terms then?” 

“You have nothing that would sway us from abandoning our mission.” Kakashi’s voice was bored, his hands hanging loosely at his sides by his weapons pouches. 

“Aa, shame that. Go on then Jun, have fun.” the man’s chakra flashed from his hand when he touched the girl's bare shoulder, and then everything went to hell.

Sasuke had never felt such corrosive chakra before, but it exploded from the girl after the man's simple gesture. In second's odd markings were spreading from her back across her body, first red then inky black once they’d halted their progression. The marks looked like misshapen swirls, standing out vividly on her pale skin.

She laughed in a hysterical way before launching herself at them, swinging her weapon in a wide arc but with a flash of speed Kakashi stopped the attack with a kunai. His arm was quivering, though. Sasuke swallowed hard, glancing toward Sakura to see if she felt as uneasy as he did. Her eyebrows were furrowed, like she was remembering something. 

“I’ll handle this one, you two focus on him.” Kakashi barked out the order, shoving Sasuke harshly when the girl dove toward him with a feral smile stretching her thin lips. Her weapon swung wildly in an attempt to cut anyone and everyone. It was clear their Sensei thought she was more of a risk than the man, which was probably fair. Sasuke tumbled slightly from the shove, his ankle giving a stab of pain as he skidded sideways but he ignored it in favor of dodging the man's abrupt attack.

Sasuke bent backwards to dodge another swift swing from one of the man’s wicked looking daggers, it was curved in the same way the girls was, and he could feel the muscles in his lower back spasm in protest. He wasn’t super flexible, having always focused more on physical strength training. Sasuke remembered how he’d once thought the optional flexibility gymnast classes had been a waste of time, he’d kick his younger self in the head right now if he could. As it was, he barely had time to straighten out before the man was moving again, but there was an abrupt tug on the back of his collar and Sasuke was being drug backward.

Sakura was there, face a grim mask as she dodged the arced slash he made to land a swift kick to his ribs before jumping backwards and out of his range. 

That began a short yet profound game of barely there as Sakura and the man fought. His attacks were getting sloppier with anger as she continued to dodge with only milliseconds to spare, landing hits in the short moments when he’d lost the momentum from his last attack and before he could gain it again for the next swing. 

Sasuke grimaced, having to put more weight on one leg than the other to compensate for what was likely a sprained ankle. Kakashi-sensei was using a clone behind them to try and hold off the crazy girl, though his attention seemed half diverted toward their fight. 

While the girl seemed to get an overall boost from the strange marks on her, this man was just fast. While his attacks weren’t particularly strong, every move he made was blurred to Sasuke’s eyes. If he’d just been a fraction slower, he was sure they’d have no issues with him. 

If only I had the Sharingan. He clenched his teeth, a familiar sense of inadequacy churning in his stomach. It wasn’t the first time he’d had the thought, and it wouldn’t be the last. He’d be able to keep up if he did though, he’d be useful. At the very least, he’d be able to keep up with Sakura. 

He was sure it was only the virtue of having previous combat experience under her belt that allowed her to fully engage the man, as it was her breathing was becoming labored and there was sweat gathering on her temples. 

“Damnit,” he leapt back a few more feet, it seemed the man knew he was injured and like a shark who smelled blood in the water he was focusing on Sasuke despite Sakura being a constant thorn in his side with her attacks. “Sakura, I can’t-”

Sasuke twisted out of the way of another downward swing from the man's daggers, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to get out of the way fully because while he’d swung down with one dagger the other was being shoved forward toward Sasuke’s gut. His heart thundered in his ears, lungs constricting because-

I don’t want to die. The voice in his head was the same voice from when he was eight, staring at his brother over their parents' bodies. I don’t want to die!

There was an abrupt tug at the back of his shirt, the collar bunching around his throat which made a new sense of anxiety rise up, and then he was behind Sakura staring at her back.

She’d moved on instinct, switching from offensive to defensive when she’d seen Sasuke falter for a second too long. If she hadn’t pulled him back, if she hadn’t moved in front of him, he could have been seriously hurt. The haze of combat filled her senses, and it was like the other day when the fight had first started. Every movement she made was reflexive, she’d fallen back on her training with such frightening ease that she’d only really realized she was only angry because Naruto had been in danger .

She still didn’t fully understand why, her bonds with team seven were nothing like they had been with team four, but even now she didn’t hesitate to move in order to protect one of them. Maybe that was just the kind of person she was becoming, maybe that would become her Nindō. Afterall, it had been Goro’s dream to be able to protect his precious people. She hadn’t had any dreams before team four, and now she felt like she only had a bloody ambition to fuel her.

But maybe, just maybe, she could find a way to hold onto Goro and Ayanokoji’s dreams.

Her hand rose on mechanical instinct, fingers a breath away from curling around the hilt of the sword that was strapped to her back- but Sakura froze .

"Will you wield it? Will you continue to fight to survive, will you hold this to keep death at bay, or will you accept things as fate."

She knew what would happen if she didn’t draw her sword, if she didn’t decide to protect herself and fight back. The idea coiled and sat like a rock in her stomach, and Sakura— she hesitated.

If she stopped right now, if she just- gave up, would they call that fate?

Could she be with them again?

Her heart skipped a beat, and her chest hurt at the thought. That was really all she wanted, wasn't it? Yes, she wanted to avenge them. Sakura wanted to wipe Orochimaru from the face of this earth, but she wanted her team back more than that.

The idea had been planted like a seed, and it had taken root. Only this wasn’t a good sapling, it was a festering thing. It would be so much easier to give up, to lay down like a dog and die.

She blinked, and felt her cursed energy recoil at the very thought. It did something then, something it had never done before. She could feel the energy sink claw like hooks into her brain, pain bursting to life behind her eyes as memories were dragged to the surface.

“So long as you carry it on you, as a reminder to your oath. I know how it feels to bear the burden of someone's blood on your hands, of someone whom you loved. The temptation to give up someday, to join them rather than fight, may be strong. So you must be stronger."

She just wasn’t stronger, it was as simple as that. Sakura missed team four more than she missed anything. She’d had them, and she’d loved them, and then she’d lost them. It hadn’t even been three days before she was thrown back into the fray of team assignments and missions, she hadn’t been given any form of counseling or guidance. Her Hokage had just given her another medal to pin to her vest, another one soaked in the blood of the innocent.

Sakura moved to protect team seven, but she still didn’t feel like they were really a team. She may be subconsciously holding onto the dreams of team four, but she was tired in a way that no twelve year old should be tired.

“Sakura!” Sakumo sounded horrified, she hadn’t even realized he’d followed.

“Sakura?” Shisui didn’t understand, she could hear it in every syllable of her name.

“SAKURA!!” Kakashi-sensei understood, and he hated it but—

Very good, an unfamiliar voice seemed to reverberate within her very soul. She’d heard it before, mixed with other voices in her dreams. It was still distorted, but also clearer than it had ever been before. Sakura wasn’t sure why that scared her. Let go, let it all go. You’ll be one step closer, you’re almost ready.

Her heartbeat was echoing in her own ears as time seemed to slow to an indescribable crawl. The voice was compelling in the strangest of ways, but it also made something in her soul thrash in defiance.

Almost ready for what? She wanted to scream, wanted to rage at the implication that she was somehow being used.

“Sakura, we’ll still be friends right? Don’t forget about us!” Ino’s voice was little more than a phantom whisper, but it was there . 

The muscles in her arms tensed.

"I'm not going to live and die for no reason like some dog, I'll have my name engraved on that stone! I'll be a hero-!” Naruto wouldn’t understand, would he? She’d just be another name on that stone. 

She could feel her stance shifting, legs bracing.

“I love you, Sakura.”

It was a memory from the deepest depths of her subconscious, but the sound of her mothers voice that she’d felt she’d forgotten so long ago set every nerve in her body on fire. 

Her eyes snapped open, the usual jade green seeming a sickly luminescent shade in the dark of the night, and with speed that seemed impossible even to her, Sakura unsheathed her sword and blocked the blade that had been closing in on her neck. 

The man that was bearing down on her allowed a grin to twist his face, it was an ugly thing. 

“Decided to struggle before your death, little girl?” 

“Yes,” a smile titled her lips, and though Sakura felt bone tired she’d also never felt more alive . She didn’t fully understand what had happened, didn’t understand how that voice within her head seemed to breathe disappointment into her skin, but she knew she didn’t want to die– not yet. “I suppose I have.”

Kakashi was there in an instant, lightning sparking between his fingers as he thrust it into the man’s side with a fierce, unfamiliar expression set on his face. Sakura yelped as some of the electricity sparked between their blades and lashed out toward her, burning a hot, jagged streak across the skin of her left cheek as blinding light filled her vision.

Sasuke’s arms were quivering when they wrapped around her midsection, bodily moving her away from any more danger of being electrocuted by their Sensei. The pair of them tumbled backwards onto the ground, and she just had the presence of mind to hold her sword in a way so that she wouldn’t accidentally stab either of them once they’d half rolled in the dirt.

It was hard to focus on much else though the sudden pain that was lancing up her face, it had come sharp and fast but as soon as it was there it was dimming down. The skin around the wound felt like it was burning, and Sakura opened her eyes without realizing she’d shut them.

Sasuke was leaning over her, an almost panicked expression filling his usually impassive facade. Everything looked wrong though, like the world was dimmer than usual, filtered in an oddly blue hue. She blinked spots out of her vision as her stomach rolled in protest. The pain in her cheek was dimming by the second, replaced with the sensation of pinpricks. Her sword slipped from her sweaty hand, and she raised her hand to cradle her cheek.

“You’re okay,” Sasuke was talking a touch too fast, his dark eyes impossibly wide. “You’ll be okay, Sakura.”

For some reason, she felt compelled to believe him, though it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than her.

“Yeah,” she croaked, a watery smile pulling at her lips before she winced in pain at the tug in her cheek. She could feel blood sliding between her fingers, and the shock of it was dizzying. Despite it all, for the first time in nearly a month Sakura felt like she was awake again. She’d been ripped from the haze of grief, and now she couldn’t help but want to safeguard the sensation of life thrumming beneath her skin. “I’m okay.”

Kakashi’s thoughts had barely caught up with his body. He’d seen one of his students shove the other out of the way, watched her willingly falter in the face of certain death, and he had moved before he even realized what happened. 

(He couldn’t watch anyone else die, couldn’t watch another young girl choose death over everything else.)

Even if she’d seemed to change her mind at the last possible second, even if Sakura very likely could have stood her ground, the sight of her defenseless and accepting face had triggered something purely primal in the back of his brain.

His chidori was sloppy, he didn’t hit the man's chest like he’d intended and even worse he’d hurt Sakura in the crossfire. The knowledge sat like slimy oil in the back of his throat, the tidal wave of panic he’d felt subsiding only enough for him to get his thoughts metaphorically grounded once more.

The little hellion hadn’t even realized he’d abandoned her in order to try and assassinate her teammate, not until the man let out a horrendously blood curdling scream that echoed through the trees around them. Kakashi bore his teeth beneath his mask, still not quite calm enough to reign in the full extent of his killing intent.

“So much red ,” the girl behind them was laughing, loud and crazy, but she was frozen to the spot. The pupils in her plum colored eyes were blown wide, and she swayed slightly. “I want to see more, I need more red .”

One moment she was there, those strange marks flaring crimson as they traveled further across her body, her mouth unhinged so wide it looked as if her jaw was dislocated, and then she was launching at them with so much force that the ground cracked beneath her feet. Kakashi saw Sasuke tense from where he was hovering over Sakura, his eyes wild as he tried to track the girl's movements. 

Grim determination filled the boys featured as he withdrew a kunai with shaking hands. Kakashi knew that if the girl was going to get past his student, it wouldn’t be done without a fight.

“Let me see it all, I want to see! Let me tear you open, let me make you BLEED !” her voice was shrill, hysterically filled with glee and-

“Enough, Jun.”

Two simple words from the man, and the girl froze at once. Her eyes flickered all around them, her mouth still hung open as if she was tasting the air, and then the marks started to retreat. Despite his critical injury, the man leapt away with the same amount of blurry speed. His hand was pressed tightly to his side as blood seeped between his fingers, a snarl of pain set onto his face.

“Seems we’ve underestimated the assignment, we’ll have to regroup.”

Kakashi snarled, because a part of his brain was very strongly insisting he needed to eliminate the danger to his kids now , but before he could even move toward them a plume of smoke erupted at the enemies feet. He hardly hesitated, jumping straight into the fray of what appeared to be a smoke bomb. Kakashi could always smell them, his nose had always been frighteningly strong after he’d formed the summoning contract with his pack, but as soon as the thought came it was gone.

He’d just raised his hand to pull down his mask when the burning smell of pepper became overwhelmingly apparent. Kakashi leapt back out of the smoke, hacking a bit and fighting the urge to vomit in his mask.

They’d gotten away.

“Son of a mother fucker.” Kakashi huffed, ignoring the scandalized look Sasuke shot at him.

Naruto didn’t know what happened, though he’d heard a very stilted version from Sasuke. What he did know was that Kakashi-sensei seemed wracked with guilt, which he could understand. Sakura had an ugly, jagged mark on her face now.

“I’m not very good at it,” Kakashi warned, his gray eye wary and tired. He’d removed his usual fingerless gloves, washed his hands carefully, and then set to disinfecting the ugly wound on Sakura’s face. “But I can help some, you’ll have a scar though…”

Kakashi-sensei seemed to want to say more, but the words apparently got lodged in his throat. He coughed, as if that would help with his emotional constipation, and then lifted one of his hands. A soft green glow enveloped it, and when he pressed it to Sakura’s face she’d winced before the tension bled from her shoulders in apparent relief.

The silence stretched as their Sensei focused on healing the damage he’d inadvertently done. Yaeko was sitting between Naruto and Sasuke, unshed tears still glistening in her rainbow eyes. Sasuke was even more silent and still than usual, his constant mask of indifference seemingly discarded. The last Uchiha looked angry, and sad. It was an odd expression, not one that Naruto really thought suited him.

He’d never really known Sasuke, they’d had classes together after Sakura advanced out because Naruto had been bumped into her place. They never really got along, Sasuke was always beating Naruto in taijutsu spars, throwing lessons, even their survival activities had seen Naruto as the worst in the class. Sure, Sasuke always seemed smug about it. He was never really kind to Naruto, there was nothing between them that would ever make the two boys consider each other friends.

Sasuke had been alone too, though. He’d seen him sitting on that dock by the river too many times to count, had seen how angry and sad and tired he was reflected back from the dark eyes of the last Uchiha. There was a connection there, between them, that they would both rather ignore. They knew each other's pain, and so while Naruto wouldn’t call Sasuke his friend he also would say that such a sad look on the other boy's face was out of place.

Naruto preferred when Sasuke was grumpy, and so he decided to poke the bear.

“Hey, why do you style your hair to look like a duck butt?”

“What the hell did you just say to me?!”

Yeah, that was more like it. 

Travel after the last attack was tense, to say the least. Kakashi-sensei seemed frazzled after what had happened, and despite Sasuke having a sprained ankle they were forced to move at a faster pace. The formation was closer, with Kakashi occasionally darting ahead to scout and make sure there weren’t any ambushes in waiting. 

Naruto was closest to their client, despite Yaeko’s apparent fascination with Sakura the pair of them had sparked up a fast friendship. The musician had been trying to teach Naruto how to play her instrument to pass the time, while also explaining the differences in other musical instruments as well. It was interesting in the strangest way, because Sakura would have never thought that the boy with endless energy could ever still himself long enough to learn something as tedious as music. And yet Naruto was proving her wrong, he handled the offered instruments with more care than she’d ever seen him possess before. 

Sakura was resisting scratching at the bandage that was on her face, fingers twitching occasionally with the ebb and flow of the urge. The silence was stifling, just the sounds of their sandaled feet on the dirt road. When Kakashi wasn’t looking ahead of them, he was looking at her. 

It was unnerving at first, but then she started to see the guilt that was lurking in his eyes. She wasn’t sure how to address it, how to let him know it was okay. She’d never really cared much about her looks anyways, there had hardly ever been any time for it when she was growing up. 

Sakura hadn’t had a mom to teach her how to do makeup, her only girl friend had been Ino and their relationship had first formed over kunai throwing techniques. Every time Sakura saw her after, when Ino was still in the academy, they had spent time eating out with her, Shikamaru, and Choji. They’d hardly had time to talk about things like boys, hair styles, or make up brands. 

The only thing Sakura spent any real time on was her hair, long and soft from years of being carefully maintained. Long hair didn’t mean much to Konoha women, but from Uzushiogakure it had a real meaning and intent behind it. She hadn’t been able to cut it when her mom had passed away, so she’d decided to grow it out in her honor instead. 

A scar on her face wouldn’t bother her, because in a weird way she’d felt like she deserved it. That moment of hesitation could have cost her so much, she’d been selfish in her desires and if she hadn’t fought back there was no telling what could have happened to Sasuke. 

No matter how guilty Kakashi-sensei felt, she thought she’d always feel guiltier. “Yugakure should be close,” Yaeko surprised everyone by speaking up, her eyes set in the road straight ahead of them. “They usually have Yu-nin stationed on the roads to keep tourists safe, but we haven’t seen any.” 

“I thought that was odd,” Kakashi-sensei admitted, hands in his pockets as he walked. “How often do you hear from your family?” 

“Mm, maybe every three months? Oton is pretty busy, but he hires a courier to deliver messages once I’ve moved onto a different town.” The girl smiled softly at the memory of her father, but Sakura watched Sasuke’s nose scrunch in distaste. 

Oton was an incredibly informal way of referring to someone’s father, especially for a man in such high power as a Daimyō— even if he’s retired now. Sakura could probably get away with calling her dad the equivalent of Pa once, but he’d make her training regime so miserable it wouldn’t be worth it. She was sure Sasuke had never been allowed to be so informal with his own family, so his reaction was understandable.

“Yugakure recently demilitarized, didn’t they?” Sakura couldn’t help asking, though the edge of excitement that entered Yaeko’s face at her question made her want to eat the words.

“Yes, Sakura-chan!” She smiled at her, all bright sunshine and sparkling eyes. Sakura could feel the back of her neck heating up, and she jerkily looked back toward the road. “Yugakure felt much loss from the last war, and so we’ve worked hard to transition away from traditional Shinobi work. The remaining Shinobi force work as guards for the roads, so that our tourists are safe, or as police force within the village itself.”

“It’s only been that way for what, two years now?” Kakashi looked as if he was trying to remember something, his brow furrowed. “There was backlash about it, though.”

“Aa, you’re talking about what happened with Hidan?” Yaeko sounded solemn. At Kakashi’s nod, she offered a bitter smile. “He tried for the longest time to change their minds, but in the end I guess it was just too much for him. The families of the Shinobi he killed are still calling for justice, Oton and the Yukage have been trying to repay them without causing further bloodshed.”

“Will that change with the new Daimyō?” Sasuke piped up after a lapse of silence, Naruto was being surprisingly silent.

“I doubt it, Oton was training my elder brother to take his place. His illness was sudden, but Bo has been sufficiently prepared.” 

The conversation stilted for a moment, and she glanced at Naruto to try and gauge his reaction to such a grim topic. The blond's usual bright smile was nowhere in sight, instead he had an unsettled expression set on his face. It looked like Naruto understood everything that had been said, but was having a hard time with understanding how a Shinobi who loved their village so much could turn so cold to it.

She looked away from him, trying to not dwell on the fact that if her village tried to demilitarize she’d probably react poorly too. It didn’t justify the lives that had been taken, but she could understand not being able to stay.

Ahead of them Sakura could see the massive makings of an arched entryway, it appeared new words had been etched into the old wood, and behind it was the quaint sight of Yugakure. Many of the buildings were bordering on traditional, and steam was rising in the distance from the many different hot springs the village housed. Sakura had read that each hot spring offered different medical advantages, many tourists were actually people looking for natural healing remedies within the hot water.

“Tighten up, we don’t know who hired the people we’ve encountered.” Kakashi’s voice was low and stern. “Don’t let your guard down.”

The closer they got, the clearer the words became on the entry arch.

戦を忘れた里

Ikusa o Wasureta Sato

"village that has forgotten wars"

Sakura frowned as her hands tightened on the straps of her bag. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that ideal, though she’d never lived through a war to have much of an opinion on it all. It didn’t seem practical, though. If you forgot war and all it entailed, didn’t that just put you at risk of repeating the past mistakes that led to it all? She’d have to ask Kakashi-sensei.

“It’s Lady Mura!” One of the guards stationed at the gate gaped in open mouthed surprise, his colleagues' posture straightening out once he’d also spotted the blue haired girl. They’d been talking to a man and a woman before they’d noticed their approach, the pair appeared to be monks from their outfits alone.

They didn’t seem to mind the interruption, opening watching the group as they approached with barely hidden interest.

“We weren’t expecting you so soon, Mura-sama! Last we heard, you were in Stone performing for the court.” One of the guards, the shorter of the two, was staring at the girl in badly hidden awe. It seemed her celebrity status extended to her home village as well.

“Once I received word of Oton falling ill I canceled my contracts so I could return home,” Yaeko offered a tight smile, her shoulders tense. “I’d like to see him right away, please.” 

“Oh, well…” the two guards shared a look that made alarm bells ring in Sakura’s head. Her eyes darted to Kakashi, and though he didn’t look at her his fingers tapped a short pattern on his thigh. 

Wait.

“He’s quarantined right now,” the taller and older of the two guards hedged, scratching at his cheek nervously. “Bo-sama has been very strict about that, only his doctors and Bo-sama himself have been allowed in.” 

“Well,” Yaeko floundered for a moment, perhaps not realizing the situation was quite as dire as it seemed to be. “Can I see my brother, then?”

“Aa,” the older of the two guards looked increasingly uncomfortable, he’d clearly not been expecting her to arrive and be so insistent on seeing her family. “Bo-sama is in a meeting right now, his guests only arrived an hour ahead of you. I’m sure he’ll have time tomorrow though, we’d be happy to show you to your accommodations though.” 

And if anyone thought it was weird that Yaeko was being sent anywhere other than her own home, they kept quiet about it until after the younger guard had finished escorting them through the village. 

(No one noticed how the Monk’s gaze followed Sakura as they walked away from the gate, eyes pinned to the Haruno clan symbol she’d carefully sewn onto her vest.)

Sakura didn’t remember falling asleep, and it took her a long moment to pinpoint what exactly it was that drove her back to the world of wakefulness so quickly. She lay in her futon for a long moment, breathing in the cool air of her provided room. Yakeo had been given her own room, and as the only female on Team seven Sakura had also been given her own room. Hers was connected to Yaeko’s, so she could be there for emergencies. Though she was sure Kakashi and the boys were still standing watch during the night, she was given a break from that particular job due to Kakashi’s festering guilt. 

Usually, being babied like this would have annoyed Sakura. Only, she felt tired to the bone and she really did appreciate the illusion of space she’d been given. 

It’s raining , with a jolt, she realized what it was that had woken her up. Sakura found herself at her balcony in an instant, throwing open the door with wide eyes. Konoha had been going through a drought for months now, she hadn’t seen rain in so long that seeing it now felt like a miracle. 

She couldn’t help herself, Sakura stepped right out onto the balcony in the rain— night clothes and all, and just allowed the downpour to soak her to the bone. 

It was there, from her third story balcony as she soaked in the coolness of the rain, that she spotted a familiar head of blue hair skirting around the edge of the forest across from the resort.

Sakura’s heart jumped in her throat. 

How on earth had Yaeko managed to slip past the rest of her team? And in what world did the girl think wandering in the forest while an unknown mercenary group was vying for her head was a good idea? 

Sakura didn’t hesitate though, because as much as she’d tried (desperately, futilely) to keep distance between her and the girl that seemed so entrapped with her, she had grown to care for Yaeko. For her bubbly personality, magical music, and how gently the girl treated Naruto. So, she jumped from the balcony without a second thought, leaping from the rooftops until she’d broken into the tree line. 

The head of blue hair was further than she’d expected, and getting further away by the second— still, Sakura pursued her until they broke through the forest into a clearing. 

Yaeko’s name was on the tip of her tongue as she landed on the ground, bare feet sliding slightly in mud, but she found herself frozen. The blue haired woman that was kneeling across from her wasn’t who she’d thought she was. She was dressed in simple black pants and a black top, mesh fabric overlapping slightly with the sleeves. No weapons pouches or a headband in sight. Civilian — this woman was taller, older, prettier than Yaeko.

That thought was jarring, and so Sakura stood in silence as the woman kneeled at the river side, hands pressed together in prayer as the rain fell all around them. 

Was it a trick to her eyes, or was the rain not actually falling on the woman? She didn’t have much time to dwell on that thought as quiet words filled the air around them.

“To a man lost in the dark, an ember can light the way.” her voice was soft, but not musical like Yaeko’s. There was a strength behind those words, power in every syllable. “Thank you for my ember. I was lost without a course for so long.”

Rain slid from beneath Sakura’s collar, collecting in the fabric of her chest bindings. Her breath stuttered, jade eyes wide as she listened to what seemed to be prayer. 

“Please, let this ember's light continue to brighten a path for the goal I seek.” the woman exhales, her breath a sharp tangible puff in the air. “Please guide my steps until I find my absolution.” 

It was, in the oddest way, the most beautiful prayer Sakura had ever heard. Soaked with the first rain she’d seen in months, freshly awake after so long mourning, she felt alive .

She blinked, and the woman was in front of her. 

Sakura startled badly, feet sliding in the wet earth, her body tilting backwards as her hands reflexively went to her weapons pouch she’d slept in.

Warm fingers closed around her wrist, and her momentum was stopped all at once. 

“I’m sorry,” the woman murmured, honeyed gaze set on Sakura’s face instead of the hand that had frozen over the clasp of the pouch on her thigh. “I didn’t intend to startle you.” 

Alarm bells were ringing in her head, because only Shinobi could move that fast and if this woman was one Sakura was horribly outclassed. Not civilian. Would she have time to try and signal her team? Was Yaeko still safe? She swallowed hard, her stomach rolling in anxiety. 

Something was wrong though, and she couldn’t pinpoint what it was. 

“I won’t hurt you,” the woman’s face softened as she looked down at her, her hand loosening around her wrist but not letting go entirely. It seemed she didn’t trust Sakura not to fall yet. “I’m here at request from the stand-in Daimyō.” 

“You know Bo-sama?” The words tumbled from Sakura’s lips before her brain could catch up with her actions, and heat flared up on the back of her neck. The only consolation was that the woman looked just as surprised as Sakura felt. 

“I do,” she hummed, amber eyes more assessing as they looked her over. “My colleagues and I were hired to eliminate a threat.” 

Sakura’s brain was working in overdrive, the conversation from the previous day ringing in her ears. Did she mean that Hidan person Yaeko and Kakashi had mentioned? But hadn’t Yaeko said her brother held similar ideals to their father, so why on earth would he hire what she assumed were mercenaries to do something his sister wholeheartedly believed was outside their moral scope. 

None of it was making sense. 

She noticed it, then. 

The rain was still falling heavily around them, the noise of water impacting earth was loud enough to drown out nearly everything else. Only, it wasn’t falling on her anymore. 

Sakura stared up in awe as the rain seemed to fall everywhere except for her and the woman in front of her, before her eyes dragged back down to look into those startling golden eyes. She was thankful that the hue was different from Orochimaru, she wasn’t sure if she could have handled that. 

“How- who are you?”  

The woman smiled, just the faintest twist of her lips. 

“My name is Konan.” 

That was all she said, no inquiry of her own being made. Sakura felt thankful, in the weirdest of ways, and she wasn’t even sure why. 

“What was that prayer before?” her next question came swiftly, but she winced as soon as she’d asked it. “Sorry, I mean, if you don’t mind telling me Konan-san.”

The woman's lips tilted higher by half a fraction, she seemed pleased about something. 

She wasn’t sure why she was humoring the slip of a girl that had stumbled across her, but Konan couldn’t resist. In a way, the kunoichi reminded her of happier memories when she was younger. The awe in those green eyes as she realized the rain no longer fell onto her, the wonder and curiosity mingling with sharp calculation and fast whirling thoughts. 

Konan felt a foreign feeling swell in her chest. She had become a collector, the Akatsuki a quilted working of collected Shinobi all aligned under their greater goal. This child was brimming with potential, she could feel her power beating in rhythm with the pulse beneath Konan’s fingers. It felt close to untapped, barely realized. 

It would be painfully easy to whisk her away, to take her back to Amegakure and have her swayed to their cause. Konan could see it now; training the girl as if she were her own, having her own personalized project and goal to focus her free time on. 

It was a deliciously tempting idea. 

Her hold tightened by a fraction of an inch. 

“It was a prayer, one I save for rainy days.” Konan’s small smile widened by just a fraction, but her heart was pounding with the idea. “I know my God hears me when it rains.” 

Suddenly, life seemed to bleed into every fiber of the girl's expression. It seemed almost out of place on her.. Pale skin, paler pink hair that clung to her face. There was muscle on her arms, a small insight to the training the girl likely endured, but there was a wet bandage on her face tinged pink and heavy bags under her eyes. Jade eyes widened as she moved a little closer to Konan, her expression of awe turning borderline frantic.

She was an interesting enigma. 

“So do I,” the girl gasped. “Could you teach me that prayer, please?” 

A foreign swell of pride and protectiveness filled Konan. They’d barely spoken and the girl already wanted to learn from her, wanted her to share her knowledge. Konan gladly spent the next few minutes reciting the prayer for the pink haired girl, golden eyes sparkling with her happiness. 

That happiness was sucked dry when the girl spoke next. 

“My teammates don’t really pray,” the girl said, the smallest tinge of fondness bleeding through. “Though, I think no one has ever taught them.” 

Konan remembered happier times, when she was on a team of sorts. The realization of why she wanted to spirit away this girl came abruptly; she reminded her of happier times. The pain that came with that realization was brutal, and Konan’s hold on her wrist slackened. 

“You should teach them.” Konan’s smile dimmed some, but her absurd fondness for the girl didn’t diminish. Instead, her brain started to plan. 


Konan lifted her free hand, and watched with barely contained mirth as the girl gapped her the paper flower she'd made. 

"A gift." she said, voice soft as she tucked the flower into her hair. 

"I'm Sakura." The girl said, sounding breathless but unbearably happy. Konan's smiled widened, she knew that if she gave the girl more time on her own that the world would show her how cruel it could be, and once the girl truly understood pain she would seek her out again. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Sakura." 

Team Seven had been in Yugakure for three days now. 

Yaeko still hadn't been able to see her father, or her brother for that matter. Sasuke and Naruto were both becoming restless, but Kakashi-sensei was keeping the two boys on a tight reign. Sakura wanted to see Konan again, but after their first encounter the other woman had vanished. She'd briefly told Kakashi a heavily altered version of the story, keeping out any and all mention of prayer, but now that the man knew mercenaries had been hired he was looking at the entire mission with a new light. 

Sakura sighed softly as she sunk into the hot spring, her eyes fluttering shut as the warm flooded her body. More often than not Sakura only ever felt cold, so the heat wrapping around her was a welcome change. 

"Thank you for coming with me, Sakura-chan." Murmured Yaeko from her left. 

Sakura's eyes lazily fluttered open to look at the girl, chewing over how to address the other girl. She'd been clearly distraught over how thing's had been going, feeling more like a bird in a gilded cage than someone who was home. It was sad to see, but she'd been more angry than sad when Kakashi told her about her brother hiring mercenaries. 

"It's my job," Sakura said slowly, noting how Yaeko seemed to wilt like a flower at this words. "...But it is nice." 

Those rainbow eyes seemed to light up at once, and Sakura couldn't push back the sigh that drug from her. 

"Why are you like that with me?" She finally felt like she could ask without her team hovering near by, god forbid she actually had some kind of crush on Sakura. She had a feeling if that were the case, Kakashi-sensei would never let her live it down. "I haven't done anything but be professional toward you, I don't understand how you're so..."

Sakura waved a hand vaguely toward Yaeko, water splashing slightly with the movement which made the blue haired girl giggle. 

"I could tell you, but you'd have to keep my secret!" Yaeko stage whispered, leaning closer to Sakura whose cheeks flushed...from the heat, it was defiantly from the heat. She opened her mouth to reply, but Yae was nodding already. "Yeah, I know you'll keep my secret, so I'll just tell you." 

There was something about how she said it, putting so much certainty into a person who had pledged allegiance to their village first and foremost. It was bizarre, but Sakura couldn't even fault her for it. She knew herself well enough to know she was a fundamentally selfish person, and she would always be more loyal to the people she cherished than the village she served. 

When had she started to care for Yaeko, though? 

"I see who you are," Yae said, tapping her temple by her eye. A thousand different colors sparkled at Sakura from those eyes, like a gem shinning in the sun light. A Dōjutsu? That, she hadn't expected. "You have a beautiful soul, Sakura-chan. I've seen what you went through, and I know where it will take you." 

Yaeko's smile became kind of sad, and Sakura was left staring at her in mute awe. 

"You know about-" 

"Yeah," Yaeko's smile became kind of wobbly. "They were lucky to have known you, I wouldn't fault you for what you're planning." 

Sakura swallowed hard, and her eyes drop to the rippling water around them. That was one hell of a Kekkei Genkai, how had her village managed to hide it for so long? Allowing Yaeko to live alone, traveling from place to place, it was no wonder someone was out for her head when she could hold such intimate knowledge about other people. 

"It's passed through my family," Yae said softly, bowing her head slightly to try and catch Sakura's gaze. "My mama had it, it's rare though. A hundred years ago, I would have had a really restricted life, but because of how the village is today I'm afforded a lot more freedom than my ancestors." 

They sat in silence for a long moment, and Sakura began to wonder just how many other people in their world held Kekkei Genkai's that were secrets, like her own. 

"I have one too," she finally whispered, voice so soft it could barely be heard over the running water around them. Yaeko smiled at Sakura when she peaked at her, nodding encouragingly. "I've never told anyone before." 

"You will," Yae said in that way she does, like she was so certain of it. "I understand why you haven't, but you'll trust someone enough to tell them." 

It was vague, but Sakura could kind of understand why. With all the knowledge Yaeko probably had, it was best to keep things vague. 

"What I want..." Sakura shook her head. "No, it's not a want. I suppose it's more of a need." 

"I know." Was all the other girl said, but her eyes were soft. "I can't tell you how it will end, there are a lot of paths you could take. Not all of them would change the outcome, but each one would change you."

"I've come to terms with what I need to become." 

"Have you?" Yaeko smiled sadly at Sakura. "It's okay that you haven't yet, you still have things you need to learn. You have to start letting others in though, accept the help even if it feels like cheating, otherwise..." 

The girl frowned down at the water for a long moment, and then shook her head. 

"That's the worst path for you Sakura, don't go down that one. It's all I can say." Yaeko offered a more tentative smile now, but there was something odd in her gaze. Like she knew something that Sakura didn't, which she had to suppose was true enough. "You should get out now, I'll be out in a few moments." 

And Sakura, who had decided that was enough of getting her world turned upside down for one day, obliged without another word. 

"Hello," a soft voice spoke from Sakura's right just as she'd finished getting dressed. She hadn't been paying much attention to the other guests at the hot springs, she'd of course had her guard up, but she hadn't expected anyone to talk to her. She turned toward the plain looking woman, brown hair still damp from what was likely her own dip in the hot springs. "I saw you briefly, when you first entered the village." 

"Oh," Sakura's eyebrows rose. It felt silly, but she hadn't thought monks would partake in enjoyments like hot springs. "You're one of the monks we saw." 

The woman smiled as she turned fully to face Sakura, and it was then that she noticed the scar that stretched down the side of the woman's face from her temple to her jaw. It was a reminder to the scar Sakura would have on her own face. 

"I recognized the symbol on your shirt," the woman said slowly, an edge of tentativeness in her tone that Sakura didn't understand. "I haven't met another Haruno in many years." 

"Most Haruno are traditionally monks," Sakura frowned at the woman. "How could you not have run into one sooner?" 

It seemed it was the woman's turn to frown then, confusion coloring her scarred face. Her words registered fully then, and Sakura's eyes grew wide. 

"Wait, you're Haruno too?" At the woman's nod, she plowed onwards. "Have you- I mean, did your family pass on journals?" 

"Aa, no, I never developed the Kekkei Genaki." 

"Oh," Sakura looked down glumly. For a second, she'd hoped she had someone to confide in. "Sorry." 

"That's alright." The woman offered a kind smile. "Perhaps you could stop by the temple sometime, if you get the chance?" 

"I'm not sure," Sakura titled her head. "I'm a Genin, I don't really get to request time off for vacations when I'm in a cell block." 

"Well," the woman sighed sadly, disappointment leaking from her voice. "Perhaps once you receive a promotion, we're currently residing in the Fire Temple and-" 

"Sakura-chan," Yaeko came around the corner, fully dressed and glaring at the woman. "I think we should head back now." 

Sakura snapped to attention, nodding once sharply before smiling at the Monk. 

"Sorry, I'm working. I'll try my best to visit sometime, though." Then, as an after thought. "I'm Sakura." 

"Yuuwaku." Supplied the woman in turn, nodding toward Sakura. "I look forward to seeing you." 

She watched Sakura and Yaeko go, a strange expression on the woman's face, and in the corner of the room a red headed girl watched the monk intently behind her glasses. 

"Hey," Sasuke's voice dragged Sakura out of her thoughts. She'd only seen Shisui briefly in the last few days, but when she'd tried to catch the ghosts attention he'd just waved at her before darting off somewhere. She'd wanted to talk to him about what her and Yaeko had spoken about, because telling the dead was technically still keeping her secret. "Kakashi sent me to take over watch for the night." 

Sakura stretched lazily on the roof top, sighing as her back popped. 

"Yeah, alright." She stood easily, not the least bit wobbly like Sasuke was on top of the hotel roof. She couldn't help but wonder if Kakashi-sensei was a sadist, because he still hadn't taught either of the boys how to circulate chakra to their feet so they could stick to other surfaces but he kept sending them up to the rooftop. 

"Sakura?" Sasuke called out just before she leapt off the roof, making the girl draw pause. She half turned toward him, raising an eyebrow in lieu of response. "During that last fight, why did you hesitate?" 

She hadn't been expecting that. Kakashi-sensei hadn't directly approached her about it, so she'd childishly thought she could get away from that lapse in judgment without having to try and justify herself. 

"I-" she paused, frowned, and turned away from Sasuke. "I don't know, really." 

There was a long pause, silence stretching to an almost uncomfortable point, but then Sakura remembered Yaeko's words from the day before.  

You have to start letting others in.

It would have been easier to not confide in Sasuke, to let the conversation end here and to shut him out like she'd been shutting everyone she cared about out for the last few months. Then again, though, if Sakura wanted to take the easier route she would have agreed to her dad's idea and moved on to the T&I department. She didn't take the easy way out, and she wouldn't start now. 

"I miss my team." She spoke the words with tense shoulders, braced for what she wasn't quite sure. 

"I miss my family." Sasuke surprised her, and she twisted around to look at him. 

It was startingly, how scared Sasuke looked in that moment. She'd never heard him open up before, the closest to how he felt about the massacre of his family had been revealed during his team introduction but never again from there. She wondered again how different she'd have turned out if she hadn't had her dad and her ghosts after, would she looked as fractured as Sasuke did? 

"I'm sorry." It was all she could offer him. 

"Yeah, me too." He said, looking away from her. Sakura chose to ignore how wet his eyes looked. 

"Does it ever get easier?" She hated herself for asking, but she had to know. 

The wind tugged at their clothes, a few leaf's twirling between them as the moon shone down on the village. 

"No." 

Yaeko had a scheduled meeting with her brother that Team Seven wasn't allowed to partake in. 

It should have seemed normal, but after nearly five days within the village Sakura couldn't fault Kakashi-sensei for his paranoia anymore. Something felt off, and no matter how relaxing it had been to lounge in the hot springs or her hotel room, the feeling didn't leave. So, Kakashi had decided they should peak in on the meeting. What was the worst that could happen? It's not like Yugakure could complain that the Shinobi they hired were too enthusiastic in their protection detail. They'd split up, Naruto and Sasuke flanked behind the building while Sakura and Kakashi took the direct approach. 

The set up of the Daimyō's house reminded her a lot of the Hyūga compound. In the center of the house was a beautiful courtyard, flower gardens surrounding what seemed to be a pavilion where official tea ceremony's could be held. It should have been a quick in and out check in, but as Sakura and Kakashi stood on the rooftop above the courtyard, they were met with the familiar sight of a man they'd faced mere days ago. He was standing with another man, weapons drawn, watching silently. 

Yaeko was on her knees in front of who Sakura supposed was her brother. 

Yaeko was crying. 

Sakura's body moved on her own, she wasn't even sure what she was doing until she was crouched in front of Yaeko with a snarl twisting her face. 

Bo, Yaeko's older brother, stumbled backwards with wide eyes. The anger that had been so clear on his face before vanishing in the face of Sakura's anger. Kakashi was on her flank, his grey eye narrowed at the three men in front of them. 

"I had my suspicions," Kakashi-sensei said slowly. "But I was hoping you wouldn't stoop so low." 

"I'm doing what's best for the village!" Bo snapped, thin shoulders hunched up in defensiveness. 

"Poisoning your father and trying to murder your sister is what's best for your village?" Kakashi shook his head slowly, mockingly. "Is the Yukage aware of how far you're will to stoop?" 

"That fool won't even be the Yukage much longer." Bo said, thin lips pulling over his teeth as he laughed. "What purpose does a demilitarized village have for a Kage? No, he's useless. Once this stint with Hidan is settled and the villagers are appeased, they'll be so happy to know I was the one who took charge to remedy the situation! They'll known that their Yukage was useless, and they'll fully embrace me taking over all village affairs." 

Bo glanced at Yaeko as if she were an after though, a dispassionate expression stealing over his features. 

"It's a shame, but I knew my sister would only get in the way." He shook his head, but there was only false sadness in his gaze. "She's too much like our father." 

There was an explosion at the back of the building, smoke billowing high into the air as the ground shook under them. Sakura's heart leapt in her throat, that was where Naruto and Sasuke were. 

"Damnit, Jun." Muttered one of them men. Kakashi cussed violently from beside Sakura. 

"Sensei?" She glanced at him from the corner of her eye, unsure of what their next move was. 

"So you're the man who injured my subordinate?" The tallest man spoke up, pointing his sword at Kakashi. 

"So, you're Miori?" Snarked Sakura in return, drawing the mans attention onto her. He laughed then, sounding a little too happy about the turn of events. 

"Oh, you have spine." Miori grinned at her. "I think I'd like to break it." 

"Stronger men than you have tired." Sakura snapped, hand at her weapons pouch. Bo was stumbling out of the way, shoved sideways by Miori. "

There was a short pause, and then everyone pounced. Miori went straight for Sakura, and Kakashi was blocked from intercepting him by the other man. 

She darted around the sword Miori was using, jerking a kunai out of her pouch to throw at him. However, with a manic flash in his eyes, the man kept charged forward when Sakura had skittered to the side. He was aiming the sword not at Sakura, but at Yaeko. 

She watched in mute horror as those rainbow eyes connected with her own, a sad smile stretched across her face. She didn't look scared, Sakura realized.

Yae had known. 

Sakura felt sick, because Yaeko had known and she hadn't done anything to try and stop it. 

Their fates were set in stone, nothing you or I could have done would have saved them.

No. Something in Sakura roared in defiance, because she refused to watch someone else she cared for die again. Screw fate. 

Sakura was moving again before she knew what she was doing, before she could find it within herself to stop. Yaeko has become her friend, even if it was reluctantly. She knew things about Sakura that she was afraid to admit to herself, and yet she still stayed by her side. She saw the dark path she was enduring, and didn't shy away from it, didn't judge her for it or try to deter her. She was the first friend she'd made since losing her team, the first person she'd let in, and it didn't matter if all her goals fell away so long as Yae lived.

Maybe, that small, selfish part of her that had hesitated before whispered. Maybe I  can see them again.

"No!" Yae screamed from behind her, eyes wide.

The sword pierced through Sakura's chest, and she saw beyond the man behind the blade. Kakashi's horrified gaze held her own. 

Life was funny like that, she supposed. One moment you can be relaxing in a hot spring, planning out your future, and the next you could be dying. She had regrets, of course she did. Not being able to see through her ambition, not apologizing to Sakumo, or her dad. She hadn't even been able to say bye to Shisui, he'd been so busy the last few days wandering around the village. She hadn't even asked him what he'd been doing, she'd been so wrapped up in her own head. She'd never see Naruto or Sasuke again, or Shikamaru, Ino, Choji...yeah, she had regrets.

In the end, though, Sakura welcomed death's embrace with a smile, because dying in the place of a friend was enough for her.

Chapter Text

“Fate is never fair. You are caught in a current much stronger than you are; struggle against it and you'll drown not just yourself but those who try to save you. Swim with it. and you'll survive”

運命は決して公平ではありません。あなたは自分よりもはるかに強い流れに巻き込まれています。それに抵抗すると、自分だけでなく、あなたを救おうとする人たちも溺れてしまうでしょう。それと一緒に泳ぎましょう。そしてあなたは生き残るでしょう

— Cassandra Clare

Waiting was the worst part, Sasuke thought. Waiting for a signal that may never come, for danger that was lingering on the horizon. The anticipation sat like a rock in his stomach, making his palms sweaty and lungs feel compressed. 

If he allowed himself to be honest, which was something Sasuke rarely afforded himself, he never really wanted to be a Shinobi. Even before, when he was an innocent child, he was too filled with anxiety. It was something he’d had to learn to shove down, because if he didn’t his hands would shake and if his hands shook he’d never stand a chance against that man. 

Sasuke thought he would have done well as an officer in the military police. Actually helping people, even if it was only saving kittens from trees and helping old women carry home groceries. It would have been a peaceful life, one he could be content to live. 

Waiting was the worst part, because it gave him time to think. Sasuke avoided that more than anything else, because if he stood too still for too long his thoughts would wander to the before . 

All he had now, was after. So, Sasuke avoided standing still. He took missions with his team, he trained until exhaustion weighed him down, he ate the healthiest meals he could get from local take out places, and then he took a cocktail of sleep aids to help him sleep quickly before the thoughts caught up to him. 

It was the safest routine he knew, because he’d tried other ways and those had been…bad. 

Naruto was awful at waiting too, he had too much energy to just sit still in the shadows. Sasuke thought that maybe, if the two of them hadn’t been so drastically different, they would have made a good team. Sakura evened them out, because it seemed like she could stand as still as a tree sometimes. 

He wondered if they would make a good team, eventually. Sasuke kind of doubted it, but he doubted it in the same way a pessimist would doubt the weather broadcast for the day. If they continued on the path they’d been going down, it was likely to work out. 

Part of him really wanted Team Seven to work out. For eight years, Sasuke had people he loved and cared about who in turn loved and cared for him. He’d had people to rely on, he knew if he fell someone would be there to pick him back up.

Four years, he’d had no one. He probably could have had people to rely on, if he’d let them in, but the childish part of him his heart clung to was scared . Terrified, even, that if he allowed himself to care for anyone else that man would come back and take them away too. 

Sasuke didn’t think he’d survive that the second time. 

It was a shame then, that he’d already allowed himself to start caring. He hadn’t noticed it at first, probably because he didn’t want to, but it started with little things. He pushed Naruto because he wanted him to be stronger, and Sakura already seemed so far ahead of him. He’d been scared when she hadn’t moved from certain death, and he hadn’t wanted to admit why he’d been scared. 

Foolish little brother.

Sasuke swallows the bile that rose up in his throat. Foolish indeed, because Sasuke was smart enough to realize now as they waited for a signal, that he’d started to care for his team. 

And he hated himself for it. 

“I think I’m getting better at climbing with the grapple hook, at least.” Naruto’s voice cut through Sasuke’s thoughts with all the delicacy of a butter knife, and a reflexive scowl tugged at the Uchiha’s lips. 

“If Kakashi would just teach us to do it how he and Sakura do, we wouldn’t need to use something as stupid as a grapple hook.” Sasuke grossed, looking away from the blond and missing the look of surprise that flitted over the other boy's face. 

That may have been the most Naruto had heard Sasuke say, like, ever. 

“Lazy-Sensei is lazy.” Naruto shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Sometimes Sasuke hated him for how simple his brain worked. Naruto thought Kakashi was just being lazy, Sasuke thought Kakashi was purposefully holding him back. 

Maybe I'm a pessimist? Sasuke huffed at the thought. 

Naruto opened his mouth to say something else, but just as he did the roof between them shook ominously before it shattered.

Both boys yelped, scrambling away from the hole and what emerged from it— or rather, who emerged from it. 

“Sakura-chan,” Goro’s familiar voice whispered in her ears, and when she blinked open her eyes it was to warm sunshine and happy smiles. She must have fallen asleep, because her team was surrounding her at all sides in their usual training ground. Though, she realized sluggishly, that they were dressed far too casually for a day of training. “We missed you.”

Goro was wearing baggy shorts and an equally baggy shirt with the sleeves cut out, the heavy fabric making his frame seem more skinny than usual, and he was leaning against Ayanokoji with an air of casualness that was unlike him. His blue-eyed counterpart had his hands deeply thrust into the pockets of his black sweatpants, the sleeves of his gray sweater bunched around his elbows and his long chestnut hair was tied into a loose braid that draped over his shoulder.

Even their Sensei, who they’d rarely seen in anything other than his standard uniform, was wearing casual lounge pants and an unfamiliar T-Shirt with some Manga title printed on it.

They were all smiling at her, painting a perfect picture of relaxed summer happiness. However, as Sakura sat up, she felt weighed down by her usual uniform. Her weapons pouch was a familiar weight on her thigh, the sword was still on her back, and a trickle of sweat slid down her neck.

The sleepy haze fell away as everything washed over her again.

“You’re all here,” she blinked up at them, at how they all seemed to glow more than she’d ever seen before, and dimly noted how she was sitting in the dark shade of a tree. To Sakura, it felt as if miles separated her team, instead of merely a few feet. It didn’t matter though, not really, because they were here. Something loosened in her chest, a knot she hadn’t realized was steadily growing tighter with every passing day, and for the first time in a long time she felt as if she could breathe fully. “Is this real?”

Her voice broke on the last word, but none of them judged her for it. They had never judged her for her weaknesses.

“Yes.” Tokuma-sensei offered one of his rare smiles, his cheeks dimpling.

Sakura couldn’t help it, she burst into tears.

The three of them watched as she swiped at her cheeks with the heels of her hands, sobs working their way from her throat through her chest. None of them moved to comfort her, the shadows of her tree too dark for their bright figures to breach, but their eyes were soft.

“I’m- I’m just so happy,” she gasped between sobs, one hand falling to grip at her vest over her chest as she folded in on herself slightly, She never took her eyes off them though, she never wanted to stop looking at them. They were there, happy and whole and alive . “I’ve missed you all so much, I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry -“

“Please don’t cry anymore,” her old Sensei’s voice was softer than it had ever been, and he crouched so they were at the same eye level. “You have nothing to apologize for, Sakura. It was my fault, I was raising the three of you to eventually take on Orochimaru. I wanted to clear my name, to set the record straight for the village. I was arrogant, I should have known he would come for us.”

Tokuma-sensei looked sad then, and it looked wrong because he was still glowing. He was too bright to look so devastated.

“With time I believe the three of you could have stood a genuine chance, but it happened too soon. The fault lies with me alone, it is not your burden to shoulder so please…” he reached out a hand toward her, as if he wanted to grip her shoulder. “Abandon your goal, Sakura. Find a way to make peace with what happened, move on from the loss and learn to be happy. You don’t have to avenge us, we understand.”

It felt as if the bottom of her stomach dropped out, because she didn’t understand . She’d already failed her goal anyways, she’d died in place of Yaeko. She was dead now, and she could be with them again. Sakura didn’t have to try and move on anymore, she could be at peace if this was her afterlife.

“Sensei, it doesn’t matter anymore, I’m here now so-”

“Sorry, Sakura-chan.” Ayanokoji’s smile twisted into something a little more bittersweet. “You can't join us yet.”

She felt the air in her lungs crystallize, and her hand raised on its own accord toward them.

"No, don't leave me again." her voice trembled, but Ayanokoji shook his head and wrapped an arm around Goro's waist.

"It'll be okay, Sakura." Goro's smile was so bright, it made her chest hurt. "We'll always be with you."

In the wake of her despair, something an awful lot like rage sparked in the coldest depths of her soul. Why was this going to be ripped away from her? If she couldn’t stay, did they truly believe she wouldn’t pursue her vengeance tenfold after this? It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair.

“Why?” her lips were trembling, and the hand that was clutching at her chest fell to fist into the grass. It felt cool between her fingers, still damp with early morning dew. It felt real, which meant this moment was real. It had to be. “Why can’t I stay?”

“I’m sorry, Sakura-chan.” Goro’s eyes were glistening, but he was the only one smiling now. “Death isn’t ready for you yet, but we do understand. You must do what you have to, even if Sensei doesn’t agree.”

She swallowed hard, her eyes swinging back to meet the older man's milky gaze. He smiled wryly, eyes crinkling at the corners. Her hand tightened in the grass, fingernails digging into the dirt. She was trying to absorb everything and keep up with the conversation all at once, Sakura didn’t want to forget a single thing if she had no other choice.

This is real. It has to be real.

It wasn't fair!

“I have to,” she said the words with desperation dripping from her tongue like acid, she needed him to understand more than she needed air in her lungs. “I have to kill him, or I can’t live with myself. Maybe- maybe it wasn’t all my fault, but I still-”

Her other hand dropped, and Sakura fought to find the words.

“You still have the weight of it all on your chest, but Sakura we would never ask you to become what you’d need to in order to kill him.” Tokuma looked like he was trying to memorize this moment too, like he wanted nothing more than for her to hear his words and understand and agree.

But that wasn’t who Sakura was. Maybe, if she hadn’t been the only one to live. Maybe, if Orochimaru’s laugh didn’t haunt her dreams and chase her heartbeat into unrest. Maybe, if she’d been born in a softer family where she knew the presence and love of a mother. If she had been normal, not an immigrant fighting to fulfill a contract to her village.

Maybe, if Sakura had been anyone else, but the simple fact was that this was who she was. She was not soft, or kind, or gentle, and she would never be forgiving when it came to her precious people.

The voice that came out of her throat was unlike anything she'd ever heard from herself before. “I know you wouldn’t ask, but I have to. It’s not just about revenge, it’s justice. He- you’re dead. All of you, and he laughed. You were my everything, my Will of Fire, you were everything. And I have to live with that, I have to keep going without you all, I have to find a way to live with what happened and so this is my choice.”

“Sakura,” Tokuma-sensei started, looking more serious than she'd ever seen him before, but there was a spark of resigned understanding in his eyes. "Whatever you decide to do, just don’t lose yourself. Don’t succumb to sorrow, I know you’re devastated, and I know it hurts. I know you want nothing more than to join us, but you have to cling to your resolve now.”

“If this is what you believe you need, follow this path until you decide otherwise." Ayanokoji spoke up, he looked like he wanted to cry. “Don’t give up again, and don’t throw yourself in front of any more swords. Don’t forgive, don’t forget, but don’t become frozen with your grief and rage.”

“You have to live,” said Goro. “For yourself, and for us. We’re trusting you with everything, so please trust yourself.”

She found herself shaking her head, new tears collecting in the corners of her eyes. She knew this was about to end, but she didn’t want it to. She found herself praying silently for just one more second here with them, that was all she needed.

It wasn’t fair.

"I don't want to," she gasped as a sob ripped from her throat. "I don't want to go back, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't-" 

"I'm so sorry." Goro swiped at his own tears. "Sakura, I jumped in when I shouldn't have, Sensei told me to take you and run. I couldn't though, and because of that I left you alone. Just, please, Sakura-chan. You have to, okay? Promise us, live for us." 

Live for us. 

Sakura's shoulders stilled, the skin around her eyes tight and dry from her tears. She felt like her heart was breaking all over again, but...

Live for us.

"Okay," Sakura whispered, her soul resonating with the words that fell from her lips. "I promise." 

“I think they’ll let me lend it to you, just this once.” Tokuma smiled serenely, looking as if her promise was all he ever needed. She didn’t understand though, lend what to her? And who were they?

“Find my cousin,” Goro hastily said. “He works himself too hard, please take care of him for me.”

“My sister won’t approach you first, ask Hiashi to meet with her. She had something with you.” Tokuma-sensei added.

“Don’t worry, we’ll wait for you.” Ayanokoji smiled, and she choked back a scream as sadness and rage battled within her. His lips moved again, a familiar pattern she’d seen once before but had replayed in her memory a million times since his death. She’d never registered the words before, too burdened by grief to accept them. “It’ll be okay, Sakura-chan. I love you.”

For one second after the words left his lips, she got to stare at them all again. She got to see them alive, happy, and bright. That one second, as her brain fought to burn the image into her subconscious, as she sat in the dark shade of a tree weighed down by what was expected of her, that one second was all she needed for her resolve to solidify. She knew she wouldn’t see them again, not until death was truly ready for her.

It wasn't fair, but it had to be enough. 

“I love you too.”

Something in her shifted as this new reality settled into place. The coldness that had been filling her to the brim ever since that day was turning blistering, but she had nowhere to aim this new anger.

Tokuma-sensei blinked, and then he jolted as if he’d forgotten something. 

“Sakura, don’t trust—“

Suddenly, everything dropped away into darkness. Sakura was falling fast and hard, ice cold air biting at her exposed skin. The light from before was fading fast, and all she could hear was the wind in her ears. She was reaching toward that light, hands still damp from the dew of the grass. Above her, in the darkness, the vast shape of something rose above her.

Not yet.

A thousand voices were joined as one, the noise cutting down to the very marrow of her bones. Her teeth felt loose, her ears ringing.

"Who are you?" She snarled, the words ripped away from her as she fell endlessly. "Why are you doing this?" 

You know who I am, don't you? It was poised as a pleasant question, humor leaking through the entities words. It felt horribly like it was simply humoring her, relishing in her obvious suffering.  

"Send me back!" Sakura's voice cracked, and she was still reaching uselessly upward, hoping that spark of light that was so impossibly far away would come back to her. "I don't want this, stop, please!"

Begging will gain you nothing, your fate was set the moment your mother made her decision. Soon, you will understand, but you are not ready yet. Now, child, focus the cursed energy, and repeat after me.

The form above her was a man, though his features were hard to discern. His red eyes were baring down into her own, and she could feel her very soul reverberating in response. Her lips moved against her will in time with the words that filled her head.

Speak the words…Domain Expansion: Field of Vision

The figures' hands clapped together above her, and something unspeakable settled over Sakura like a blanket. It felt like foreign power.

“What is this?” the words were dragged from her mouth slowly, lost in the wind that surrounded her. “Why?”

A taste of my power, you are my heir, and soon we will be one. You are not allowed death yet.

The wind thickened, twisted, writhed– it was never wind. She was surrounded by pure, malevolent cursed energy. Power thrummed beneath Sakura’s skin, so strong she felt like she’d burst open from it. She couldn’t fight it, trying would only delay the inevitable, so she closed her eyes and welcomed it in.

Sakura opened her eyes as cursed energy burst from her navel violently, the energy pushing Miori so hard that he lost hold of the blade and slid back several feet. Those words were ringing in her ears still, and she lifted her arms numbly. The world looked differently to her eyes, though it seemed no time had passed around them.

Sakura could see everything. She could feel the strain around and in her eyes, could feel the veins on the sides of her face bulging as a power that was never meant to be hers filled her body and her vision. She could see how Kakashi-sensei was staring at her as if he’d never seen anything like her before, both his eyes wide in horror and surprise. She could see Yaeko on the ground behind her, crying. Sakura could see Miori, could see the chakra pathway system within his body and the 361 tenketsu that ran along it just as they’d briefly learned at the academy.

Tokuma-sensei had the Byakugan, but I shouldn’t be able to do this. She tried to ignore the sick feeling that churned in her stomach as she lifted her hands in what felt like slow motion, the movement out of her control, her palms clapping together sharply. Cursed energy was flowing through and around her, mingling with her chakra, forming a dome around her and Miori that shoved away everything else, and through it all a new part of her Kekkei Genkai was unleashed.

“Domain Expansion,” her voice didn’t sound like her own, it sounded inhuman. “Field of Vision.”

The world around her and Miori seemed to crumble away like tissue paper, everything going dim and hazy in the background. Darkness surrounded them at all sides, until a circle lit up around them on the ground in which they stood. It glowed a sickly green, just like her eyes.

“I think they’ll let me lend it to you, just this once.”

Was this the extent of her Kekkei Genkai? She knew that when she’d accepted Sakumo and Shisui's help during her fight against Orochimaru they had temporarily joined their souls with hers, and through them she’d been able to replicate the techniques they’d once known. That in of itself should be impossible, she knew, and yet here she was. It felt unnatural, like she was somehow bending the predetermined laws of their world to her own whims, only it wasn’t her that was doing it.

Not for the first time, Sakura wondered which God had heard the prayers of her ancestors and decided to answer. This level of borrowed power made her sick.

Sakura felt detached, hysterical amusement. It was thrumming beneath her skin, humming like power begging to be released, the laugh that tore from her throat sounded crazed. The sword dragged on her skin as she ripped it from her body, blood falling hot at her feet, but she was not dead.

You are not allowed death yet.

Her chest over the wound burned, but she paid it no mind. She instinctively knew she only had a few more moments before her body couldn’t withstand the borrowed power anymore, before this foreign technique she’d conjured fell away.

Knowledge that was not hers was flowing through her, fueling her movements as the sword was discarded. Sakura widened her stance, hands braced and palms facing forward in a bastardization of the Hyūga’s familiar stance. There were feelings raging within her that were unfamiliar, cool and calculating, rageful and elated. 

The rage was hers, and hers alone.

He did this to me. Her face contorted in an animalistic snarl, teeth bared. He killed me, and they were ripped away from me again.

“What is this?” Miori spat the words, trying to hide his fear with anger and failing miserably. His voice quivered in trepidation, and the sound of it was like music to her ears. His anger didn’t hold a candle to her own, it was like a child trying to imitate something they’d seen an adult do, she wanted to bask in his fear.

That thought scared a distant part of Sakura, the part of her that had drawn lines in the sand and thought she was ready to cross them even though she knew she truly wasn't, but she felt out of sync with her own mind. The cursed energy was thrumming in tandem with her heart, with her anger. 

She wanted to rip him apart, to carve open his chest and tear into him like Orochimaru had—

Her lips twisted upwards with the shadow of a bloodthirsty smile that was not wholly Sakura’s doing.

“What is this?” she parroted the words back at him, mocking and reveling in the shock that crosses his features. Her smile was sharp as it pulled at her split lip, and she could feel the warmth of blood sliding down her chin. There was a spark in that new, untapped, energy that coiled in pleasure at the sensation. Something purred deep within her at the satisfaction of it all, and when Sakura spoke it was not with her voice.

“When I’m done with you,” the space around them compressed, forcing the man to take several shuddering steps forward. Sakura had looked at the abyss, and it swallowed her whole. “There will be nothing left of you for death to embrace. ”

Her blatant disrespect and vicious words seemed to force him out of his fear induced stupor, and the man widened his stance in preparation of her advance. Sakura wrestled back a sliver of control over herself, focusing on how her cursed energy twisted in dismay beneath the oppressing energy that had begun to fill the darkest crevices of her mind.

“This is for making my friend cry.” she ground the words out through gritted teeth, not able to completely wipe the smile that was twisted onto her face. There was the distant feeling of disapproval, but it was overshadowed by the all consuming urge to win.

Strike to kill. A familiar voice encouraged, and Sakura, who had been longing for instruction from her late teacher ever since that damned mission, didn't hesitate.

The one thing all Shinobi are equal in, is death. That was a fact that had been deeply engraved into Kakashi since he was a small boy, a resolute law of their world.

Sakura Haruno took a blade to the heart, and by all accounts of the balance of the world she should be dead. All Shinobi are tied to death. 

Except for her.

For one second, he’d watched the veins around her temples bulge impossibly and she turned eerily green eyes onto him, and then time seemed to bend and fracture for the shortest of seconds as what he could only assume was her chakra- white and bright, billowed out to surround her and their enemy. He’d moved instinctually to catch Yaeko as the burst of power shoved the girl away bodily

Kakashi blinked, and Sakura was in front of Miori. Her open handed strike had landed in the center of his solar plexus, chakra shooting through the man with so much force that it likely killed him upon impact despite there being no visual wounds. Blood poured from the man's mouth, his eyes wide and unseeing, and then he collapsed.

Sakura had fresh wounds she hadn’t a mere second ago, injuries that spoke of a battle that he should have seen but he hadn't . Her body wavered for a moment, standing proud over her downed enemy before she too collapsed. 

And then, because Team Seven seemed content to constantly test Kakashi's blood pressure, the rooftop Naruto and Sasuke had been on exploded. 

Their fight wasn't going well. 

Sasuke couldn't help but feel like he'd somehow drawn the short end of the stick, because not only was he stuck with Naruto of all people, but they were also fighting arguably the most crazy opponent that their enemies had to offer. The girl, Jun, was covered in those weird dark marks again. Her chakra was corrosive and volatile, the one time Sasuke had dared to get close enough to actually land a hit he'd earned a vicious chakra burn on his forearm for his troubles. 

"Red," the girl was laughing horribly, her mouth held so widely open that it looked as if her jaw was unhinged. Drool slid past her lips, eyes horribly wide. "I need more red, they told me I could have more red."

Naruto peaked up from the other side of their enemy, his own blue eyes wide in horror as he looked across at where Sasuke was crouched perilously on the roof. Whatever he'd expected from the blond, he had his expectations stomped on- like usual. 

"This bitch is crazy!" Naruto yelped, and Sasuke couldn't quite contain the snort of pure and utter surprise that escaped him. 

"No shit, loser." Sasuke eyed her warily, muscles tenses for the next attack he knew was coming soon. "Any plans?" 

He wasn't sure why he even bothered asking, maybe it was because Sasuke was drawing a blank when it come to what to do. They were at several disadvantages; Naruto froze up in the last fight they had been in, he'd been next to useless. Neither of them knew how to stand properly on the roof, one bad tumble and either one of them could be dead. Beyond all of that, this girl was leagues ahead of them when it came to strength. 

Despite all of that, though, all Sasuke had right now was Naruto and all Naruto had right now was Sasuke. For all Kakashi preached team work to them, neither of them really understood how to work together. They were too different, Sasuke knew that. 

He knew he didn't trust Naruto, either. That couldn't change overnight. 

And yet...

Naruto looked like he'd never expected a question like that to come from Sasuke, and for a second his blue eyes reflected the light of the sun in a way that made Sasuke's chest feel tight. 

"Yeah," Naruto breathed, a grin curling his tanned cheeks. "Actually, I think I have an idea."

“How the hell did you even get your hands on forty eight paper bombs?!” 

If Naruto didn’t know better, he’d think Kakashi-sensei was mad at his creative ingenuity when it came to thinking on his feet in the middle of a battle. Of course though, Kakashi wasn’t like his academy Sensei’s, other than Iruka, so he knew the man wasn’t really upset. Maybe just peeved at the amount of paperwork their stunt would result in, that tended to be what bothered Iruka-sensei the most. 

“I’ve been stockpiling," Naruto admitted, without an ounce of shame in his voice. "For like, a year." 

Kakashi-sensei threw his hands in the air and made a weird, strangled kind of noise. It was pretty funny, honestly. 

"So let me get this straight," his Sensei hissed. "You had Sasuke act as a decoy so you could plant forty eight paper bombs?" 

"I mean, that actually wasn't part of the plan. The bastard just realized she had a weird fixation on blood, so he decided to use that to our advantage." Naruto figured he probably shouldn't mention he had at least another sixty paper bombs he'd planned to use, but he'd had to improvise and hadn't been able to plant them all. It was probably for the best, since most of the building had been decimated anyways. 

"Whatcha mad about anyways, Kaka-sensei?" Naruto rubbed the back of his head, smiling in that way he knew made people think he wasn't all that smart. "Me and the teme made it out alive, so does it really matter how-" 

"Naruto, you blew up the building of the daimyō in a foreign country, of course it matters!" Kakashi-sensei looked like he was about to start tugging at his own hair, it was pretty funny. 

"That crazy girl started it!" Naruto huffed, crossing his arms stubbornly, before he looked back up at the older man with the expression of a kicked puppy. "Would you rather we died?"

Which like, Naruto knew that was totally a low blow, but it was worth it because Kakashi-sensei seemed to deflate at once. 

"No, no, of course not..." 

Naruto didn't grin in triumph out of respect for his Sensei, at least not until the other mans back was turned. 

The first time Sakura woke up after soul melding with a ghost, it had been beyond horrible. The long moments of confusion, where it felt like her memories had been ripped away from her and she was left a hollow shell of a human, weren't any better now that she ought to know what to expect. 

It didn't help that upon waking, only darkness greeted her. 

There was one, horrible, horrifying moment, in which she'd thrashed blindly. Her hands had curled as she clawed at her face only to come into contact with stiff gauze covering her eyes. Bigger hands closed around her wrists, a voice trying to sooth her panic, but all Sakura could feel was fear, confusion, and loss. 

Fear, because she saw nothing. Confusion, because she didn't understand what had happened. Loss, because the soul of Tokuma-sensei had been allowed to wrap around and meld with her own. It had felt warm and safe beside the opposing energy of the foreign being she'd spoken with, it had been like coming home after a long, long time away, and it had been ripped away. 

She sat up, breathing hard and strained as sweat slid down her neck. Sakura was heaving, choking on her own spit as it felt like her very soul was being cauterized from the trauma of such abrupt separation. Her hands went from trying to claw at her face to wrapping around her own throat, stopped from strangling herself only by the stronger hands that forced her own away before she could do any real damage. 

"-kura! Listen to my voice, it's Kakashi. I'm you're commanding officer, you're having a panic attack. You're okay, Sakura. Listen to my voice, it's Kakashi-"

It dawned on her after some long moments later, once her panic had subsided and the pain settled from all consuming to a dull ache that swelled with every breath, that her Sensei had been repeating the same few sentences for quite some time.

"Ka-" her voice came out as little more than a hoarse whimper, but he shut up at once. Sakura cleared her throat and tried again. "Kakas....Kaka-sensei, I can't see..?"

His hold on her hands seemed to relax, and carefully he eased Sakura back into a lying position.

"You just strained the chakra pathways in your eyes, it's temporary." Well, really he ought to have added that into his little spiel.

Kakashi-sensei barked out a laugh, jolting her slightly because she hadn't realized she'd said that out loud. 

"You're probably right," he offered gently. "Are you..." 

There was a huff, as if Kakashi couldn't quite figure out what to say. 

"You healed faster than you had any right to, the sword should have killed you but you don't even have a scar." There was a question in there, she knew it, but Sakura also knew there was no sane way to tell her Sensei that the otherworldly being that had been haunting her dreams ever since she was a child had decided to label her as it's heir, whatever the fuck that meant, and had saved her from the cusp of death. 

"My family has a Kekkei Genaki," she hedged, deciding that a half truth would work better than getting herself committed to an insane asylum. "I don't really know much about it, I've only heard old stories, but I think maybe...I don't know, Kakashi-sensei. All I know is I'm alive, and I don't feel any differently." 

That last part was a lie, but she didn't know how to explain it to him. 

The cursed energy in the room was coiling around Sakura possessively, where she'd once been able to mostly shove it down and away now it felt as if it were totally out of her control. It felt as if her range was somehow broadened, and yet she didn't fully understand in what way it had been. All she did know was that splintered as her soul felt, it also felt too big for her own body now. 

Kakashi-sensei sighed warily from beside her. 

"We're leaving the day after tomorrow, it's the soonest I could get you cleared. I need to get you home though so they can make sure you'll recover fully." 

And that was that, which Sakura had to grudgingly admit was fair. Though, as far as any doctor that checked her over would be concerned, it would appear only as if she'd strained her eyes too far. No one would know she'd died, and as her hands curled into fists in her lap, Sakura had to allow herself to feel the weight of her promise again. 

Chapter Text

“You crawled out of your haunted body a daughter of the lions.”

― Maia Brown-Jackson

  あなたは取り憑かれた体から這い出て、ライオンの娘になりました。

“Does it ever get easier?” Sakura had said, her voice tinged with desperation.

“No." And Sasuke sounded so hopeless. Shisui hadn’t wanted to leave Itachi’s side since he’d first spotted him, but he was pretty sure his cousin witnessing that particular interaction was more damaging than it had any business being. 

“I miss my family."  Sasuke said, and Itachi had flinched as if he’d been struck. Not for the first time, as Shisui watched from a safe distance while the phantom figures of his ancestors writhed around Itachi in anger, he regretted dying as he had. Their ghosts had been twisted into something more demoniac than what he was familiar with as they pushed down onto Itachi with their rage at what he’d done, it was no surprise Itachi seemed to have a chronic cough. 

Was this what Shisui was at risk of becoming? He’d hardly strayed from Sakura’s side in the last few years, hardly mingled with the other ghosts within the village aside from Sakumo. 

He would have to remedy that, because this concoction of hatred that his family had formed into was dangerous. He’d always wondered about the distinct lack of them surrounding Sasuke, and he’d foolishly let himself believe it was because they’d all moved on. 

He should have known better, Uchiha’s had never done anything by halves. 

Shisui wasn’t sure if Sakura even knew this could happen, how would she handle encountering it? Would they target her because she walked such a fine line between the living and the dead? 

He wasn’t eager to find out. 

A darker part of him couldn’t help but wonder, was this just what the Uchiha’s Curse of Hatred truly manifested? Had none of them ever truly understood it until they’d died, until they’d seen with their own eyes the monstrosity their love birthed? 

It was a sickening thought. 

Kakashi-sensei hovered. 

It was a bit annoying, but also endearing in a way Sakura hadn’t expected to feel toward her Sensei. It was probably a good thing, because she felt hollowed out. It felt as if everything Sakura had been was scraped out, and tossed aside like trash. There was a swell of emotion she was keeping at bay, just barely, but she knew the moment she wavered it would crash over her with all the unforgiveness of a tsunami. Kakashi and his hovering helped, in the weirdest of ways. 

He was concerned, she knew that. He hasn't addressed her Kekkei Genkai further, hadn’t tried to pry and find out more. Instead, he fed her more than she could eat, made sure she was comfortable at all hours of the day, and spoke to fill the silence. 

Like, he spoke a lot . It was probably the most annoying part, he was almost worse than Naruto which honestly deserved a reward. 

“—nd Hyu-kun confessed his undying love for Yuki-chan in chapter four, which was honestly a little premature but it definitely added some drama when Ryu-chan confessed her love for Yuki-chan two chapters later. Of course, the three of them ended up—“

How had she even ended up in this position? In what world did Kakashi-sensei think Sakura actually wanted to know more about his stupid books he always had his nose stuck in? She could be in the afterlife right now with Team Four, relaxing, and instead this was her fate. 

How cruel. 

“Oh, it’s time to go pick up Yaeko!” Kakashi sighed, sounding truly put upon at having to postpone his storytelling. “Sakura-chan, did you want me to get you anything before I go?” 

A noose would be nice.  

Now that was a thought, if she hadn’t made a promise to her old team how would death really stop her if she attempted suicide? How many times would it take, she wondered…

“Could you help me to the balcony?” She asked instead, mild mannered despite how she would give anything to strangle her Sensei at the moment. 

“Ah, it’s raining Sakura-chan-“

“That’s okay, I’ll be under the cover. I’d just like some fresh air.” 

A pause, and then Kakashi conceded by helping guide her toward the door. The air was cool and sticky with humidity, but Sakura felt perfectly relaxed as she settled into the patio chair, the cushion plush and damp. 

“Thanks, Kaka-sensei.” 

“Mah, mah, it’s no problem Sakura-chan.” He always sounded so embarrassed when she called him that, it seemed like he was unfamiliar with terms of endearment. “We’ll be back shortly with Yaeko.” 

And then he was gone. 

Sakura basked in the moment of silence, breathing in the humid air as she forced herself to try and relax. It was close to futile, because with every breath her chest ached and the cursed energy was so thick in the air she could feel it scraping against her skin. 

After a pause, Sakura reached out slowly until the soft droplets of rain were hitting the palms of her hands. She allowed the sensation to ground her for a moment. 

Your fate was set the moment your mother made her decision.

What did that mean? There was still so much of it all that Sakura didn’t understand, and she had no one she could ask for answers. 

Well, almost no one. 

She took a steadying breath. 

“To a man lost in the dark, an ember can light the way.” She whispered the words softly, the prayer a gentler memory she had to hold onto. 

What was her ember? Was it the justice she wanted to see come to pass? Or, was it—

Live for us.

“Thank you for my ember.” Her voice was steady, but her hands were shaking. 

“I was lost without course for so long. Please, let this embers light brighten a path…” she paused, hands wavering slightly. The rain felt refreshing upon her skin, a distraction from the cursed energy pushing down on her. She needed to find a balance, a new way to center herself, otherwise she would drown in it. 

“For the goal I seek, please guide my steps until I find my absolution.” A familiar voice startled Sakura out of her thoughts, and she jolted slightly when dry hands wrapped around her damp palms. The cursed energy seemed to abruptly thicken in a way she was entirely unfamiliar with. It felt beyond oppressive, it was writhing and angry, it made her head spin. 

“Konan-san!” Sakura gasped, rising to her feet only to flatter as her legs threatened to give out. 

“Sakura, what happened?” There was a weight to the woman’s question as her arm wrapped around Sakura’s shoulder, gently tugging her into the warmth of the other woman’s embrace. 

“I- well…I’m sorry, I think we may have interfered with your mission. Bo-sama is being sent to Konoha’s holding facility for crimes against the state.” Sakura was rambling, likely giving away too much information, but she was flustered with how gently the older woman was cradling her. 

“How bad are your injuries?” Konan asked, gentle fingers sweeping against her face where the gauze was still wrapped snugly around her eyes. 

“I just pushed myself too hard, my eyes are strained but I’ll recover. You’re not mad? I don’t think you’ll be able to claim a bounty now—“

“No, Sakura. I’m not mad…” There was a moment of silence as Konan seemed distracted by something. When she spoke next, her voice sounded odd, confused. “To tell you the truth, I wasn’t planning on completing the contract as it was expected of me.” 

Sakura frowned, trying to puzzle out what the other woman meant. 

“So, Hidan is still alive?” She hazarded a guess. 

“Yes,” Konan admitted softly, hesitating once more before speaking again. “Some people simply need a higher purpose, a guide to show them the potential of their own absolution. I was able to be that guide for him.” 

Sakura frowned for a moment, but Konan seemed content to allow her time to process what she’d said. It seemed that the woman enjoyed speaking in riddles. 

“Absolution is something personal to people, right? It differs for each individual?” She asked, tentatively.

“Everyone has their own absolution, but others often find themselves joined under a unified form of it.” The way Konan was speaking about it was odd, as if she was trying to make it sound enticing while she gently held onto Sakura. It should have been concerning, maybe even scary.

She was placing a lot of misguided trust in a woman she barely knew, but for some reason Sakura felt entirely relaxed around her in a way she hadn’t with another person in months. With her vision temporarily gone, and the woman’s soft gestures, she could almost imagine this is what the comfort of a mother felt like. 

Would Sakura always be searching for placeholders for her mom? Would all of them end up hurting her as badly as Ayanokoji’s had? 

I deserved it. A traitorous thought, the hold she had on keeping the hollowness of her soul in check wavered. Didn’t I?

“Would you tell me about your absolution?” She asked after a moment's hesitation, but there was an edge of desperation in Sakura’s voice. 

It seemed it was Konan’s turn to pause now, her hold on Sakura tightening ever so slightly, before she let out a barely audible sigh. 

“Someday, I will.” Konan let go of Sakura for a moment, her presence disappearing into the inn room behind her before reappearing. The older woman guided her back to sit in the patio chair, before gently fixing something in Sakura’s hair beside her ear. 

“You’re leaving, aren’t you.” It wasn’t a question, and Sakura wasn’t really sure why she felt sad at the realization. “Will I ever see you again?”

“This flower is a part of me, keep it close. Someday, you’ll bloom into your true absolution, Sakura. When you do, we will meet again.” The soft press of lips to her forehead was Konan’s parting gesture. 

Sakura sat alone for some time after that, barely noticing how the cursed energy lightened with the woman’s departure as her thoughts spiraled slightly. She was really tired of being left behind. 

“You showed a lot of interest in the girl’s state of being.” 

Konan was startled from her thoughts by the soft voice of her comrade. She turned toward Itachi slightly, her eyebrows raised slightly as she met his crimson gaze without wavering at the sight. 

“Yes.” Whatever the boy was fishing for, she wouldn’t oblige him so easily. Konan was a collector, but she was also possessive in a way. Sakura was hers , the Uchiha had no business butting into the matter. “You showed a lot of interest in your brother's well-being, I'm surprised you interfered in that fight.” 

There was a heavy pause as the boy stared impassively at her, before inclining his head subtly in understanding. 

“I merely wished to test his capacity,” Itachi intoned. “He is still too weak, he didn’t even notice the Genjutsu. It’s a disgrace.” 

Konan hummed. At least they understood each other, then. 

“That girl you killed, it was Orochimaru’s work.” Konan phrased it as a question, though she already knew the answer. They were familiar with that particular snake. Itachi didn’t respond, but she saw his lips twitch into a frown. 

“You noticed the shirt?” Itachi asked instead of answering, without prying further into Konan’s intentions toward the girl while also changing the subject. She relaxed slightly, turning back toward the road ahead of them. 

“Yes, it was hers.”

“There was a lot of blood, and the tear from the weapon looked as if—“ 

“Yes,” Konan interrupted, a small smile tugging at her lips now. She’d certainly found herself the most interesting little pupil for the future. To receive such an injury and walk away with mere eye strain? There was something more to Sakura that she didn’t understand yet. “I have to wonder, Hidan, have you perhaps sired a child?”

She watched from the corner of her eye as Itachi’s lips quirked ever so slightly while he repressed a smirk. Their newest companion nearly missed the next tree branch he’d been leaping toward. 

It had been incredibly tempting once again to take Sakura, especially after witnessing the girl's potential firsthand. She wasn’t even entirely sure what stopped her this time, it would have been easier than ever. 

Perhaps she simply wished to see how the girl bloomed on her own. She wanted to see what form Sakura’s absolution would take.

“What the fuck?” Hidan sputtered. “Do I look like I could produce fucking pink hair?”

Yaeko sat with Sakura on the patio as the rest of Team Seven packed for the journey ahead. The silence between them wasn’t uncomfortable, rather Sakura found the other girls' presence oddly refreshing opposed to the members of her own team. Ever since Yae had found out her father would recover, any cursed energy she’d exuded before was now gone. Being near her was like a calming balm on Sakura’s skin, whereas her own team only magnified the cursed energy. 

“Are you sad you have to become the Daimyō? You won’t be able to travel anymore.” Sakura eventually broke the silence, finding herself genuinely interested in what the other girl had to say. 

“No, actually. I can help guide the village into the era my parents envisioned, and when I retire I’ll be able to return to my music.” Yae chucked softly. “I’m actually giving Naruto my kokyō, hobbies are good for Shinobi. You’d enjoy reading.” 

That startled a snort out of Sakura. 

“The day I pick up that perverts' habits is the day I dye my hair grey and start wearing an eyepatch.” 

Yaeko laughed gently at that, leaning closer to bump their shoulders together. 

“Sakura, you can ask. I know you’re going to anyway.” She said quietly.

Sakura paused for a moment, the smile slowly slipped from her face, before she turned to face Yaeko despite not being able to currently see her. 

“Did you know it would happen?” Sakura said, voice soft. The rain was still falling, the sound of it hitting the tile roofing of the inn loud enough to drown out their conversation from her team's ears. 

“I was supposed to die.” Yaeko admitted, her own voice gentle. “There were a lot of futures that could have come to pass if circumstances were different, many of them in which we never even met. However, I never once saw a future in which my own death was avoided.” 

Sakura absorbed that for a long moment, a sudden sense of horror striking through her. 

“How long did you know you’d die?” She whispered, terribly afraid of the answer. 

“Since I was five,” it was odd, but it sounded like Yae was smiling. “Sakura, I don’t think you understand what you’ve done.” 

Tentatively, soft hands wrapped around her own. 

“You saved me, and in doing so you did the impossible.” Her voice was closer now, minty breath washing over Sakura’s face. Her heart was thundering in her ears for some reason. “You changed the future, Sakura.” 

“Is- is that possible?” She whispered.

“I didn’t think it was, sometimes the future can be changed if an individual makes a different decision, but even then that line of life is set in stone to an extent. What you did was more than merely changing your mind, you created an entire new world of possibilities with your actions.” Yaeko didn’t sound as flustered as she normally would at their proximity, but she also didn’t have that all knowing air she’d exuded during their talk at the bathhouse. 

Instead, she sounded truly in awe. 

“You know what’s in my future, don’t you?” She still knew that Yaeko wouldn’t tell her, it seemed like a horribly taboo thing to do. 

“Yes,” Yae leaned closer, her voice so soft Sakura had to strain to hear it despite how close they were, and Sakura could feel the ghost of Yaeko’s lips over her own as she spoke. “I know everything you will endure, but the future in which I tell you is darker than the one in which you go into it all blindly. I’m sorry, Sakura.”

That was a lot to unpack, but she supposed she knew something awful was on the horizon for her. She’d been ripped away from death, after all. If a God thought she had some higher purpose, it couldn’t mean anything good. She’d read mythology of old, when Gods got involved nothing good ever came of it. 

“Will I find a way?” She whispered, because she had to know even if she wasn’t allowed. 

A pause, and then she felt Yaeko’s lips quirk up ever so slowly in a smile. 

“Knowledge isn’t free, Sakura-chan.” She warned. 

“Please?” 

“You will, in time. You’ll have friends with you who will help, just remember that sometimes betrayal is love in its own way. You have to continue to let others in, no more hiding from the sun.” And then, Yaeko kissed her. 

It was a soft, gentle thing. Little more than their lips brushing together before the other girl pulled away. 

“That was the price for knowledge.” She said cheekily, and despite how shaken Sakura was by the conversation, she laughed. 

“That was my first kiss.” Sakura added after a moment's pause, pretending valiantly that her cheeks weren’t flushed. 

Yaeko laughed this time, and it was a pretty, tinkling sound. Sakura was sure, if things had been different and they’d met under better circumstances, she could have found herself liking the blue haired girl. If they’d met when she was with Team Four, if her team had never…as it was, though, Sakura had too much she needed to puzzle out for herself. 

And forming a bond like that was dangerous. They were practically from two different worlds, Yaeko was going to help guide a village that was content to live in peace, whilst Sakura was returning home to serve her village even if it meant spilling more blood. 

It was reassuring, in the weirdest of ways, to know that Yaeko already knew how she felt and accepted her despite it. 

“We stay friends, right?” Sakura asked instead of voicing any of those thoughts.

“Yes,” Yae said resolutely without a moment’s hesitation. “Until the very end.” 

And really, Sakura felt that was enough for her to endure whatever came next. 

“Yuuwaku, it was too risky.” The man beside her sighed, watching the bustling streets below their balcony. 

“I hardly think Seiji would agree,” the woman grumbled. “He always says you’re too cautious.” 

“You’re both morons,” the man snapped, his temper flashing. “Caution is what has kept us alive, what you did was beyond idiotic. You’re lucky I was able to distract that Sensei of hers, and you’re especially lucky that the woman didn’t notice you.” 

“No one ever notices me unless I want them to.” Yuuwaku snapped back, crossing her arms mulishly. “We could have done it.”

“It would have been a waste of time, she’s not ready. I could see it, her Kekkei Genkai hasn’t even reached its final stage, you need to learn patience.” 

“Not everyone can have the damned patience of a saint, Isau.” 

The man chuckled, turning away from watching Team Seven leave. 

“I’m a monk, not a saint. Come on, let’s meditate.”

“I can hear you breathing Naruto.” There was only darkness all around her, the air in the tent dry and hot in a way that allowed her to know they were close to home, the entrance flap being pinned up didn’t help with the heat in the slightest. 

“Oh!” Naruto squeaked in surprise. “I’m sorry, Sakura! I thought you were asleep.”

“It’s not your fault, everything just feels…louder, right now.” One of her hands rose of its own accord, clumsy fingers pressing into the bandages over her eyes. 

“Do’ya know why it happened?” 

His question surprised her a little, she thought Kakashi would have explained. 

“I damaged the chakra pathways in my eyes, it commonly happens when someone is clumsy with circulating their chakra through the more delicate pathways, or inexperienced.” She had been both. 

“Oh, so the damage is…?” Naruto sounded like he was treading over landmines, worried he’d say the wrong thing and trigger an explosive response. 

“Temporary, I’ll regain my sight anytime within the next…month? I suppose, the medic was vague, Kakashi-sensei said he sent word ahead to the village. I’ll be able to see a specialist once we’re home.” Though, both Yaeko and Konan hadn’t seemed concerned with the initial diagnosis, which gave Sakura an odd sense of comfort with how she’d heal.

The paper flower was resting beside her when she didn’t have it clipped in her hair, a silent reminder. 

“I’m glad.” Naruto mumbled, sounding like he had more to say but seemingly holding back. 

The silence stretched, and Sakura got lost in her own thoughts. That had been happening a lot, ever since she’d woken up from…well, she wasn’t entirely sure what to call it. From death? Or maybe it was more like a dream of death, because while she knew it had been real, it still felt distinctly unreal. There was still so much left for her to puzzle out, but she couldn’t do that while she was stuck in a tent, in the middle of nowhere, blind. 

The hollowness was ever present, pressing in on her, waiting for a moment of weakness. 

Sakura opted for a distraction.

“Naruto, do you ever dream?” 

“Oh yeah, all the time!” He was as enthusiastic as ever, Sakura could almost picture his bright smile. 

“What do you dream about?”

“Oh, well, mostly ramen.” 

“Oh.”

More silence, and honestly what had she expected? She’d hoped— well, she wasn’t sure what she was hoping for. 

“Sometimes, though, I have this other dream.” Sakura startled at the softer tone of his voice. “I’m smaller, really small, because someone’s holding me. I’m scared, but I’m also safe, which is totally weird right? But their arms feel so warm, sometimes I wonder…”

“What?”

“Well, I never had parents. I guess, I just kind of hoped maybe that was a memory of my mom or something.” Naruto sounded uncharacteristically sad, it made something in her chest twist.

Oh.

Oh.

“I’ve always thought, though, that… well, it sounds silly, but I always thought that hug was what it felt like to be loved.” He laughed then, sounding forced and awkward and she heard him tug at the collar of his shirt. 

Sakura would never admit it out loud, but after contemplating over her interaction with Konan she’d come to the conclusion that she was so comfortable around the woman for the simple fact that she was touch starved. It was embarrassing, really, but Team Four had been close. If she ever needed a shoulder to lean on, a hug, someone to hold her hand when she felt scared, she could have reached out to either of her teammates and had that in an instant. 

Sometimes, you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. 

She couldn’t help but wonder though, the thought from the most childishly hopeful depths of her soul, if she could ever have that again. 

Naruto and her weren’t friends, but they were comrades. She thought maybe they could be friends in the future, if she let down some of her walls and let him in. It was a terrifying idea, but well…

Live for us.

If she was living for Team Four, they deserved to have friends. To let people in, to not be so alone. 

Though, with Team Seven it felt like there was a barrier between her and them. She wasn’t the same person she was going into Team Four, Sakura had changed and become hardened with loss and rage. Letting in any of them felt like a weakness now, a mistake that could end up hurting her just like her unyielding love for Team Four had hurt her. 

You have to continue to let others in, no more hiding from the sun.

Who was more like the sun, if not Naruto?

“Could you…” Sakura chewed on her bottom lip nervously. She was pretty sure she’d filled her lifetime quota of heart-to-hearts in tents. It felt like a mistake, but she had to try. “Could I hug you, Naruto?”

There was a pause, as if neither of them could quite believe what she’d just said, and then-

And then his warm arms were folding around her, and in that small gesture, she understood, felt it down to her bones, that draw, not the electric pulse of power but the thing beneath it, the pull she'd never fully understood. In a world where everything rocked and swayed and tilted and fell away, this was solid ground.

Safe.

Sakura could feel his tears, could hear how his breath hitched in his throat, but it was…weirdly comfortable. Naruto pulled away after a long moment, and she could hear the smile in his voice. 

“Thanks, Sakura-chan.” He’d said, though she felt as if she was the one who ought to be thanking him. 

Outside the tent, Sasuke stood. His fists clenched so tightly, blood seeped from between his fingers.

(Some things will never change.)

She’s standing on a beach, water lapping at her ankles as the waves tug and pull. Wind, soft as a caress, tugs at the cloak she’s wearing. There is something different about Sakura, but she can’t exactly pinpoint what it is. She looked down at her hands, and they looked older, scarred, she clenched them into fists as her gaze swung back to the horizon.

There is a storm brewing in the distance, dark clouds rolling over the ocean in an attempt to blot out the light of the sun. Sakura doesn’t feel surprised by the storm, it feels more like she’s going to greet it.

No turning back. A voice warns, and it’s horrifyingly familiar. She knows it’s not her voice, she can feel it in her very bones. If you fail here, I win.

Sakura feels as if she is both herself and yet not, and she doesn’t understand any of it. Who was he? What would he win? What was she going to fail? Her stomach knotted at the questions, but the part of her that was not this Sakura seemed content with the unknowns. She reaches up and unclips her cloak, allowing the wind to rip it away.

“I won’t fail.” Conviction leaked from her lips, and she stepped forward into the ocean. Just as the water covered Sakura’s head, she-

“There’s the gates, Kakashi-sensei!” Naruto's ebullient voice roused Sakura from her nap. She twitched from where she was perched on Kakashi’s back, lips tugging downward at the discomfort that being carried like this for several days brought, or at least that’s what Sasuke was assuming. At least they were home, she could rest now. “Huh, what’s that?”

“That’s,” Kakashi-sensei’s voice was very terse as they slowed their steady run to a more jaunty walk, stepping over the threshold of the gate and back into the village together.. “Our welcoming party, apparently.”

“Hatake-san, we are here to collect Sakura Haruno.” An unfamiliar, monotone voice stopped them in their tracks right at the entrance of the gates. Sakura’s hands tightened on the lapels of Kakashi’s Jonin vest, wishing uselessly that her eyes had healed faster because what?!

“On whose authority?” Kakashi sounded dangerous in a way that was utterly unfamiliar, and she could hear the boys shifting restlessly on either side of him. His hands tightened where he was holding her legs, a reassuring squeeze.

“Hiashi-sama has petitioned Hokage-sama for the Hyuga clan to become the sole caregiver in Haruno-sama’s time of recuperation, up until her father returns from his mission or she is deemed medically safe to return to her own home.” Another voice said, but at the mention of Hiashi she felt herself instinctively relaxed.

“She needs to see a doctor-”

“Our doctors are leagues more qualified than those buffoons at the hospital.” Another voice, feminine this time, cut in sharply. “Sakura Haruno is officially a ward of the Hyuga, if you have a complaint you may file it with the Hokage.”

She could feel how her teacher was tensing, ready for- what? To run for it? This was getting absurd. As much as Sakura would have loved to go to her own home and rest in her own bed, if her dad wasn’t there this would be fine. Besides, she had the weight of hollowness resting on her chest, and Hiashi always seemed to know how to help.

“It’s okay, Kaka-sensei.” Sakura patted his shoulder tiredly, and wiggled for him to put her down. He hesitated for a moment, hands tightening further, and it was almost like she could hear the war that was waging inside his head.

“Really,” she said softer. “I’ll be fine, Hiashi-san is…kind.”

Kakashi made a vaguely disbelieving noise at that, but carefully lowered himself so Sakura could easily slide to the ground. The Hyuga wasted little time surrounding her, though it was the woman that crouched beside Sakura to speak softly.

“Would you prefer I carry you, or would you like to be guided through the village?” She asked, rather kindly opposed to how she’d been addressing her Sensei, and Sakura appreciated the chance to choose.

“Hey, what’s the big deal?” Naruto was yelling from somewhere behind her. “Kakashi-sensei, you can’t just let them take Sakura-chan!”

“Shut up, moron.” Sasuke snapped, though he sounded rather ruffled himself.

“Let's go make our report, boys.” Kakashi must have been wrangling them in, there were sounds of a brief scuffle. “Sakura, I’ll see you soon.”

She could hear them leaving, because it got significantly more quiet.

“I’d like to walk,” Sakura still had her sense of pride, afterall. The civilians in the village still viewed her poorly, and she didn’t want them to see her in such a weak state. “Please guide me.”

“Very well,” the woman's voice was unbearably soft as she rose, taking one of Sakura’s smaller hands in her own. “Formation A.”

The other Hyuga around them closed ranks, and as they began the walk across the village, Sakura realized they were shielding her from the view of any nosy onlookers. It was still a sight to see, a flock of Hyuga guiding a head of pink through the busy streets, clearing a path seamlessly, but no one saw the bandages around her head.

Sakura wondered if she’d ever stop feeling grateful for Hiashi’s kindness.

“Chakra strain indeed,” the healer sighed, pulling their hands away from Sakura’s face. The cool, minty feeling of healing chakra left slowly. It had been a strange feeling, one she could feel her brain latching onto. Could she recreate the ebb and flow of the energy of it? “It’s pretty severe, I was able to speed it up some but I’d recommend at least another two days of rest before we try again.” 

Sakura tried to not feel bitter about this, she really did. It was a hard thing, though. She hadn’t been given the peace of death, she’d had it all but ripped away from her, and now she was being punished further. It all felt like a cruel joke. She rubbed at her collarbone absently, hoping the swell of hollowness that rushed to the surface with those thoughts would abate some with the pressure of her fingers. 

“Very well,” Hiashi’s voice was somber, but level. It was grounding, in the weirdest of ways, and Sakura was thankful for it. She hadn’t been given the peace of solitude to fall apart yet. “Thank you for your time, we’ll call upon you in four days.” 

There was quiet shuffling as the doctor left the room she’d been provided, and the silence stretched for a long moment. Sakura stayed perched on the edge of the bed, one hand fisted in the soft bedding while the other continued to rub at her skin until the bone beneath her fingers pulsed angrily. 

“I’m sorry that we’re unable to help you heal sooner,” his tone was oddly uncertain, which was something Sakura was unfamiliar with hearing from a man who commanded so much respect from others. “Is there anything I can do to make your stay here more suitable? It's my understanding that Haruno-san will be gone for a few more days.” 

“No,” Sakura’s voice sounded raspy, she cleared her throat and tried again. “You’ve done more than enough, thank you.”

There was another drawn out pause, and then she heard him move toward the door. She stopped rubbing at her collarbone, shoulders relaxing some. Maybe now she’d have time to-

To what? Let the hollowness consume her? Or maybe she’d try to fight it off instead, to shove it as far down as she could manage. A moment of peace to postpone her torment. She opened her mouth, to ask him to-

“Rest, I’ll return soon with your dinner.” And with that, he’d left the room. 

Sakura paused for a moment as the words rattled and echoed in her head, and then she forced her body to unclench. She couldn’t fall apart, not here. She needed the sanctuary of her own house, she needed…what was it, she needed? Sakura curled onto her side on the bed, not bothering with the pillow. 

Live for us.

How cruel, indeed.

Hiashi lingered on the other side of the door, his usually impassive mask cracking for a moment. With the bandages around her head, Sakura had looked so much smaller than usual, so much younger. To think, she was the same age as his Hinata and yet she’d already endured so much…perhaps, he should-

“Why do you care about her?” Neij's voice was venomous, and when he lifted his gaze to his nephew he could see the hatred and confusion as clear as day in the younger boy's eyes. Hiashi swallowed the sigh that threatened to leave his throat, and instead turned away from Neji.

An excellent question, wasn’t it? Not an easy one to answer, either. He could see why his nephew would ask, why he would feel resentment toward the usually cold man who was warming up to and opening his house for a practical stranger. How could he explain? How could he explain that he saw his younger brother in the way the girl held her shoulders, braced but full of conviction. How could he explain that she’d survived something Neji couldn’t begin to fathom? How could he explain that he could see the all too familiar look of festering guilt in her eyes? Hiashi…couldn’t. Not now, perhaps not never.

“Feeling guilty is not a substitute for caring for somebody; it only is an indicator that you have failed to care for another.” He said, voice soft and carefully devoid of emotion. There was a girl in the other room that would have allowed the village to burn down to save the people she’d loved and lost, she would have thrown away it all for them, and every day Hiashi wishes he’d never inherited the Will of Fire, because if he hadn’t his brother would still be alive.

There was a girl in the other room, haunted by the people she couldn’t save, and there was Hiashi in this room, haunted by the people he’d willingly forsaken.

He walked away without looking back at Neji, and missed how the boy's anger drained away into stilted surprise. 

The gauze was slowly unwound from around her head, and when it finally fell away the light hurt her eyes for a moment. Sakura blinked a few times, wincing slightly, before silently enduring the last of the doctor's check ups. It was only after the doctor had left that she turned her gaze toward Hiashi.

The man was leaning against the door, watching her with an unreadable expression on his face. The silence stretched, and yet it felt as if they were having an entire conversation with just their gazes. She looked away after a long moment, staring down at her hands instead. They were small, unscarred, pale, and she didn’t allow them to clench.

“You made it back alive.” The smooth timber of his voice had become so much more familiar in the last few days. Sakura swallowed, and pressed the tips of her fingers against her thighs.

“I suppose.” She agreed, certain she’d lost something for the price of continuing to live.

“How are you feeling?” The man pressed.

“I’m fine,” she lied, feeling as if she were saying the words from her coffin.

The silence stretched once more, and finally Sakura forced herself to look up at him. She could see it then, what she’d known to be his expression the entire time her vision had been gone. Every conversation they’d shared, every silent moment through everyday as he’d looked at her and saw whatever it was that made him look so…

Sad.

It wasn’t a normal kind of sadness, it was something that went bone deep, that was projected with every breath he took, with every movement he made as he slowly walked toward her. Hiashi crouched down in front of Sakura, and the look in his eyes reminded her of the looks she’d seen in that condemned town all those months ago. It was the kind of look you gave someone standing on the threshold of death, knowing there was nothing you could do to save them. 

You have to continue to let others in, no more hiding from the sun.

She swallowed hard, nails digging into the palms of her hands. If not here, if not now, then when? Sakura felt if she tried to process this alone, if she didn’t reach out for the hand that was grappling to try and keep her above water, she’d drown.

His eyes seemed to beg; Trust me with the truth.

“Why does longing feel so endless, like an ache that time can’t dull?” The words tumbled from her lips hastily, clumsily, with none of the deeply instilled and practiced perfection Sakura usually tried to convey when she spoke. She’d been trying to sound more mature for years, ever since she’d made Team Four, but now it was all spilling over. In this moment, Sakura sounded every part the child she’d never gotten to be.

“Because, longing is not just for something lost. It’s for something unattainable, something imagined. It’s the soul's desire for what it cannot hold.” Hiashi didn’t miss a beat, his gaze growing intense as he reached out, one of his hands settling on her shoulder. He felt how her body was trembling, and tightened his grip some.

“Isn’t that cruel?”   She spat the word as if it was poison, her eyes burned, but no tears came. Sakura felt as if she’d cried them all out, and now there was none left. “To crave what can never be, to live in the shadow of what could have been?”

“Perhaps, but longing is also creation. It shapes us, drives us, even in its ache.” His other hand reached out then, pointer and middle finger tapping over her collarbone. “It’s proof that we dare to dream beyond the tangible.”

She stared at him, eyes wide, breath coming out shaky and strained, as if she’d been running rather than sitting on the edge of her guest bed.

“What- What do I do with it? The ache? The…” She shook her head, and looked away from those unnerving eyes. She felt as if Hiashi was looking straight through her, to her soul, and seeing how it felt as if it was twisting and writhing within her.

“You live,” he said firmly, as if he’d simply been waiting for her to ask this the entire time, as if he knew the answer to this particular question as intimately as he knew his own heartbeat. “Take a shower. Wash away every trace of yesterday. Get dressed. Make tea, open the windows, allow the sun to shine into your house and onto you. Hold the cup with two hands and notice that you feel the warmth, every chance you get close your eyes against the sun and feel its heat against your skin.”

"You still feel warmth, and so long as you feel warmth you are alive. You train. Keep your mind sharp, head on, eyes on the your goals, and if small thoughts of worries fight their ways into your consciousness, throw them off like fires in the night and keep your eyes on the track. Nothing but the task in front of you. When you're alone, notice the silence. Notice your heart. It’s still beating. Still fighting. You made it, after all. You made it, another day. And you can make it one more. 
You’re doing just fine.
You’re doing fine." Hiashi's hand tightened on her shoulder to the point it hurt, it seemed as if he needed nothing more than for Sakura to hear his words, to latch onto them like they were the lifeboat they were meant to be. 

And so, she did.

Chapter Text

“Here’s what I know: death abducts the dying, but grief steals from those left behind.”

私が知っていることは次のとおりです。死は瀕死の人々を誘拐しますが、悲しみは残された人々から奪います。

—  Katherine Owen

Here is the girl, drowning.

In these last moments, it’s not the water that’s finally won over her; it’s the cold. Her parents grew up on the water and taught her to know how to swim as easily as she knew how to breathe; she could have swum for miles. The cold, though, was cutting. It bled through her clothes and skin to sink bone-deep. The cold sapped her energy and contracted her muscles into a painful uselessness, and no matter how hard she fought to stay above those crashing waves, she could not. She is young and strong, but the waves are stronger. They twist her around and push her down every chance she breaks the surface to try and breathe, and she knows with every dragging gasp of salt-logged air that hope is as far away as the shoreline is.

The water, it was hitting her entire body like a thousand little knives all at once. It wasn’t the drowning she was worried about, not really, it was the pain. It took over, and she could barely think straight, it felt as if her bones were shattering. There was no fighting it, no getting used to the sensation. It was like her body was screaming at her, begging her to get out but she couldn't.

She is panicking, in some distant part of her mind, because she knows this is one of those hopeless situations everyone is told never to allow themselves to be placed in. The icy tide pulls her further and further away from anyone who could help, hungry to claim a life that will not even be noticed, having been snuffed out until it's much, much too late. She knows no one will notice right away, and knows that she won’t be saved by chance.

It’s too late for her.

She will die.

And she will die alone.

There is a moment of startling clarity, the oddest sensation of staring into the face of her death again and realizing that this is it. The moment is eclipsed by the current that abruptly surges around her, slamming her into something hard, cool, and distinctly rock-shaped. Her collarbone snaps in two so loudly she can hear the crack, even underwater, even in this rush of tide. The mindless intensity of the pain is so great that she screams, the freezing seawater rushing to fill her lungs with merciless intent. She curls into the pain, blinded by it, paralyzed by its ferocity. She coughs on the water and chokes, only to drag more into her lungs. She cannot swim now, the pain so jarring and her body so cold and broken.

Please, is all she can think. Just a single word echoed in her head just as loudly as her bone snapping had echoed out into the ocean depths. She is tired and broken, but she knows she should still try. She should keep swimming, she knows this. 

Last time, it didn't hurt. Not like this, not in a way that made her vision dim and mind swirl. It hurt so much, so badly, and all she wanted…all she wanted…

Please.

All she wanted was for it to stop.

She knows if she doesn’t at least try, then this is it, she will die. Her last moments aren’t filled with righteous anger, nor are they filled with the memories of her loved ones. They aren’t spent in a restless fight because she gives up. There is no return, no savior. No chance.

You belong to the ocean, a voice whispers. Twice now, once more, and you will be ready.

She dies.

One Week and Twelve Hours Earlier

It still struck her as odd, how respectfully the Hyūga treated her. As she passed several of them stepped to the side, inclining their heads kindly. She was making her way out of the compound after her prolonged stay, greedily taking in everything her returned gaze had to offer, when she ran into him. Not literally, because they both had too much pride for such things, but the sight of Neji Hyūga made Sakura stumble all the same. Not because she was surprised to see him, this was his home after all, but because of what she saw with him.

The last time they'd met, she'd been able to feel his cursed energy. How it had coiled around him protectively and enticingly, making the air around him cooler and thicker. It was a sensation she'd gotten used to over the years, most Shinobi exuded more cursed energy than normal people, and so Sakura was always more drawn toward them than the calmer aura of civilians. Her Kekkei Genkai felt stronger around them, more empowered, but this-

She'd never known cursed energy had a more physical manifestation, hadn't realized that what she'd experienced on the mission could change what she saw when it came to the ghosts...because, wrapped around Neji, draping over his shoulders, clinging around his ankles, were the twisted forms of demonically  warped ghosts. Their skin was a sickly, glowing green, eyes wide, mouths gapping as they clung to him. On all of their foreheads, a mark had been burned into their flesh, and it pulsed angrily as they moaned lowly.

Sakura stumbled, eyes widening, and cringed away from Neji when he automatically reached out as if to steady her. His own eyes widened before narrowing in anger she didn't fully understand. She opened her mouth, to say what? She wasn't sure, but he scoffed at her and stalked away before she even could find the words her mouth wanted to say, and Sakura watched him go in muted silence.

She looked down at herself, as if to make sure there wasn't anything ghoul like hanging from her own ankles, before she shakily and quickly made her way out of the compound and straight to her house. Every few blocks though, Sakura saw more and more of them. None of them were quite the same, it was easy to see that they'd all been ghosts at some point, but something had twisted these specters. They clung to people, wailed in their ears, sickly green but none had those marks that had been on Neij's ghosts. 

The village was alive with activity, the sun was lowering, the cusp of twilight approaching, painting the sky a stunning mix of orange, purple, and azure. Families were meeting for dinner, citizens and Shinobi alike were getting off work shifts, crowds of friends and teammates walking together and laughing as they crossed the streets. Sakura walked alone, her steps slow as she focused on her heartbeat.

There was a story to be told on every street corner, memories threatening to consume her like water in her lungs. Her sandals drug on the stone path, and she paused outside a soba stand. There were six seats, three of which were filled with unfamiliar faces. The other three, though-

“Sakura-chan, can’t you pay today?” Ayanokoji whined, leaning on the well polished counter, his button lip poked out some. Goro was eyeing him fondly, a blush that spread from his cheeks all the way down beneath his green jumpsuit lighting up the boy's face. 

“I paid the last three times, Baka.” She snorted, dipping the last of her cold noodles into the sauce. She swirled them around in the smaller dish somewhat aggressively with her chopsticks, trying to get what was left of it. This was the perfect meal for a hot summer day after a long afternoon of training. “You’re also the only one of us who still gets a weekly allowance.” 

Despite himself, Goro snorted in amusement at their teammates' offended look. Sakura grinned around her mouthful, waving at the cook for another bowl. 

“It’s your turn to pay, so I think I’ll make up for the last three times. Another bowl, please!” His squawk of horror was hilarious, and Sakura tipped her head back to laugh merrily, the sun hot on the back of her neck and joy in her heart.

Her hand rose to cradle over her heartbeat, taking gasping breaths, trying to focus on the steady thrumming beneath her palm. Sakura ought to leave it all behind, she knew that, but everywhere she went she saw them in the back of her mind. 

One of the worst parts about losing them wasn’t even the fact that they were gone now, it was that they’d had plans. That was the true tragedy of it all, Team Four had plans and goals and aspirations. They’d had things they’d wanted to do, together, but now they were gone and Sakura was alone. 

“Sakura!” An all too familiar voice called out from down the street, and she was pulled from the verge of her panic attack. She turned slowly, purely on reflex, and Ino hurried toward her from down the street, Shikamaru, Choji, and their Sensei followed close behind. 

Sakura forced her body to relax, heartbeat slowing, and her hand uncurled and fell to her side. She didn’t run this time, Sakura was tired of running. 

Ino lunged toward her, as if she was scared Sakura would bolt again, and her arms locked around her shoulders. She was pulled into a crushing hug, her face knocking painfully into Ino’s collarbone. A strange noise dragged from her throat, something like a groan of pain and yelp of surprise. 

“You idiot,” Ino sniffled, and Sakura startled as she felt the hot splash of tears seep through the thin fabric of her shirt. “You can’t keep hiding, we never would have let you go through this alone.”

Sakura felt an incorrigible swell of emotions, a whirlwind of sadness and— and anger. It was strange, it was almost as if the rage that was building in her stomach wasn’t her own, because there were cruel thoughts swirling in her brain. Ino wouldn’t have understood, and she won’t, not until her own teammates die, and if she wanted to understand so bad then maybe Sakura would make her—

Her eyes snapped open, a scream catching into a sob in her throat. She no longer saw Shikamaru or Choji over Ino’s shoulder. There was a spider-like man standing in between them, his skin green and grey and flaking off his face like dried blood. His lips were twisted up into an  inhuman, cheshire like smile, limbs bent and twisted at odd ends, and his eyes were missing. Despite not having eyes, he was staring into Sakura as if he could see her soul. 

One of his long, spindly fingers was brushing over the back of her hand where she’d folded her arms around Ino, and anger that was completely her own rose up burning hot in her chest. 

“It’s you,” Sakumo had once said. “You’re channeling the cursed energy through us.”

She gathered it senselessly, hands clenching into the purple fabric of her friend’s top and her rage filled her instincts. Cursed energy swelled protectively around Sakura and Ino, not as volatile without her chakra joining the mix. It was almost translucent, she was certainly the only one who could see it, but the ghost backed away abruptly. He looked scared now, terrified of her, and fled without any more fanfare. 

She wondered about that, but decided, for just this moment, to accept the comfort of someone who was mourning the same loss as her. 

She was still shaking when she slid into her house, dropping her mission pack at her feet. Seeing Ino and the rest of Team Ten had been both healing and overwhelming, allowing such a public breakdown had truly almost been enough to make Sakura flee again. Shikamaru had managed to pry Ino off of her though, and he’d made her promise to meet them for dinner in two days time. It was nice to have a sense of normalcy back for the first time since that mission, even if it left a bitter taste in her mouth from the wrongness of it all. 

The hallway stretched out in front of her, sunlight streaming in through the windows. The stairs that led to the second floor were shrouded in darkness, and the house was silent. Sakura let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

“I’m home,” she called out, feeling silly. Her dad hadn’t been set to return for a few more days, so-

“Sakura?” There was the sound of a chair sliding backwards, and then steps rushing from the kitchen at the end of the hall. Her dad was there, looking at her as if she were a ghost he’d never seen before and that irony wasn’t lost on her. They stood still for a moment, staring at each other with matching expressions of surprise, and then she was rushing forward.

Kizashi’s arms folding around her smaller frame was the safest Sakura had felt in days, and she was embarrassed to feel tears sliding down her face as her dad cradled her. She clung to him in a way that she hadn’t since before she’d joined the Academy, in a way that she’d refused to do after her team had died. 

“I love you,” her voice was thick and wobbly, and his arms tightened around her. Sakura took a steadying breath, and tried to remember how it had felt when the sword pierced through her chest. Her resolve then had been tinged with selfishness, and this was no different. “…I’ve made up my mind, Otou-san.” 

He pulled back, hands still set on her shoulders as her dad gave her a searching look. Sakura had always insisted on being more formal, even as a child. While there were many ways she could have referred to her parents, she’s always preferred mama and Chichi-ue. The change in title was both affectionate, and important. By being less formal, Sakura was showing in her own way that she’d grown and changed. 

“This team assignment is…” her hands curled into fists, but she didn’t look away from his intense gaze. This was important, she needed him to hear her and understand. “Orochimaru—“

Her dad winced at the name. They were immigrants, they weren’t directly affected by that man during his original reign of terror within the village, but he worked in T&I and had heard more than stories, he’d interview survivors. Anyone with that sort of clearance knew the damage that man had done. 

“—is the responsibility of Konoha, he should have been handled long before now.” That was the most polite way of saying he ought to have been put down like the rabid dog he was. “I want…”

She wanted to be the one to do it, her rage toward that man was so cold it felt ice hot. It sounded unrealistic to say aloud though, she was all of twelve, declaring her desire to murder a Sanin. It made Sakura sound utterly delusional and unhinged, even if it was the truth. 

“…I’ve made up my mind about who I want to be. I can’t leave my team, I-I could do a part time internship with T&I, if you want, but-“

“No,” he sighs, soft and weary and sad. “I knew this whole time, it wasn’t fair of me to try and force such a decision on you when I knew. I understand, even if I dislike it.” 

He pulled her into another hug, softer and less crushing now. Sakura hugged him back, because she wasn’t just living for herself anymore. She still had a long way to go, but today felt like the right step in the right direction.

Late that night, Sakura slunk out of her bedroom window and up to the roof of her house. There, she waited. She weighed her options while she waited, chewing on her bottom lip as she watched the village at night. Living in the Shinobi district, many of the lights in surrounding houses and apartments were still lit, ninja jumping across the roof roads to get wherever they were going.

It was a peaceful night, a cool breeze giving relief from the sweltering heat. The chakra conductive tiles beneath her were still warm to the touch after baking in the sun all day, sun bleached and worn over the years. This was her home, her village, and yet it felt so very distinctly wrong.

Why? Her arms curled around her knees as she tucked them up to her chin. Why does this feel different now?

“Sakura-chan,” a familiar voice was carried to her ears by the cool breeze, and she lifted her gaze to Shisui. He settled beside her on the roof, arms resting on his knees. He followed her gaze, looking out at the village. “When I was younger than you, the village wasn’t peaceful like this.” 

Sakura tilted her head up to look at the stars, they sparkled above her with mischievous delight, unbothered by the toil of man. She wondered how he could see as clearly as she did, despite the fact that his eyes were gone. Was it because he was dead? It felt rude to ask. “You fought in the third Shinobi war, didn’t you?” 

It wasn’t a question, not really. He let out a breath that he didn’t need. “Yeah, I did.”

There was a pause, the two of them sitting in relative silence. The Leaf Village had been at peace for several years now, no war drums banging on her horizon. Sakura couldn’t imagine what it was like to grow up on a battlefield. 

“I graduated with my best friend,” his voice startled her, jade eyes snapping to gauge the expression of the ghost beside her. He’d never shared anything this personal with her, though she’d never asked. Sakura hadn’t felt like she was allowed. “We ended up on the same Genin team, and at first I was so excited. I felt lucky, I got to work with someone I trusted irrevocably with my back.” 

Shisui didn’t have eyes. Sakura knew what that meant, for an Uchiha to not have his eyes when he died. She hadn’t asked about that, either. His face seemed suddenly so very sad, that she was sure if he’d had eyes he would have been crying. Instead, twin trails of blood stained alabaster skin. She was so thankful that one of her first ghosts hadn’t been the twisted things she’d been seeing all around the village today.

“He trusted me too,” Shisui let out a breath that seemed to rattle in his dead lungs, and suddenly she recognized his tone, his expression. It wasn’t just sadness, he was drowning in guilt. “He shouldn’t have.” 

Very slowly, Sakura turned away from him to look back out at the village. 

“Death puts everything in perspective, if I could go back…I can’t, though.” He reached out to her, a cool hand pressing over her hair fleetingly. “I guess that’s a bad way for me to tell you that you can trust me, but you can Sakura-chan. I sort of understand what you’re going through, and I want to help you.” 

She let the silence stretch for a long moment, and then she shut her eyes. “I need help,” she admitted softly, refusing to open them again for a long moment. “I need to get stronger.” 

When Sakura did look at him again, there was a wicked grin pulling at the dead boy's lips. “I thought you’d never ask.” 

Sakumo found them later that evening at Team Fours old training ground. Sakura was sweaty and exhausted, but determined as she worked through the hand signs again and again. 

Bird. 

Dog.

Rat.

She channeled her chakra carefully, ready to try again, when he spoke up. 

“You could condense the hand signs,” Sakura startled, badly, and all but fell over. She stayed in the dirt, an exhausted heap, but her eyes were full of intrigue. “You have good enough chakra control, once you get a hang of the technique. You should be able to drop it into one or two hand signs.” 

It was an olive branch, if she’d ever seen one. It was likely that he’d heard her conversation with her dad, or Shisui had and had told him. Sakura wasn’t going to be dissuaded from her path, and attempting to force her to do so would only drive a wedge further between them. She needed support, plain and simple, and only if she accepted help when it was offered would she get any further. 

“I know someone with chakra control advanced enough that he could cut a jutsu with thirty seven hand signs into two.” Sakumo had a sort of sly smile as he held out a hand to Sakura, and behind them Shisui cackled with unbottled amusement. 

She squinted up at the ghost. The moon was high in the sky behind him, a half crescent that bathed the land in a soft silvery glow. It made her ghosts look more ethereal than usual, their bodies tinged a subtle blue and vaguely translucent. When she reached to take his hand, it felt solid and cool against her skin. 

Her cursed energy had changed after that moment when she’d died but…hadn’t, and with it her abilities altered some. It was a pleasant surprise that she could now touch and feel the ghosts without becoming overwhelmed with cursed energy first. She wasn’t entirely sure why though, Sakura was hoping the answers would be in the next journal her dad gave her.

“Do I have to?” She sighed, allowing herself to be pulled upwards. Sakumo’s smile reached his eyes, and he fondly ruffled her hair, making Sakura squawk in indignation and scuttle backwards. 

“If you let us help,” he said softly, imploringly. “If you take the techniques of some of the best Shinobi this village has ever seen, we’ll make a monster out of you, Sakura.” 

Her eyes hardened as she looked up at Sakumo and Shisui as he came up beside the other man. She knew what she needed to be, if she wanted to have even a chance of beating Orochimaru. 

“It is not how we fall, but how we get back up. When I was alive, I made a decision that I would make again a thousand times over.” Sakumo reached out, his cold hands pressing into her shoulders. “I was vilified for the decision, dishonored by the village and my comrades alike. I fell, but instead of getting back up I gave up.”

Green met gray, and she finally saw the understanding she’d been so desperate to see all this time. As much as she loved her dad, Sakumo had become a father to her in his own ways. She’d felt lost without his support and guidance, and seeing it now made tears fill her eyes. 

“You’re already stronger than I ever was, sweetheart. Let me pass on my techniques to you, accept the help from Tobirama, and anyone else who deems you worthy to be their predecessor.” He was looking at her desperately, because it was likely he knew what she’d already come to the conclusion of. 

If she didn’t accept their help, by her own merit, Sakura would never become strong enough to achieve her goal. She smiled, but it was a grim sort of thing. 

“Okay.” 

Days turned into weeks, and D-Rank missions seemed to stretch endlessly on for Team Seven. Sakura rose early in the morning, no matter how late she was up the night before, ate breakfast with her dad, and paid her respects at the memorial stone. 

That was how she came to learn why Kakashi-sensei was always late. She didn’t make a comment about it, sometimes the two of them would stand together, in silence, for hours. Sakura always left first, and Kakashi usually got to the training grounds at least thirty minutes after her. 

Naruto had asked why she was always late, and she’d looked at him like he was insane. 

“Why would I wait around for him? We all know he’s consistently at least three hours late.” She’d said, and he’d balked like the idea hadn’t ever crossed his mind. 

Needless to say, the boys stopped arriving before 9am. 

Once Kakashi had gotten there, they’d do physical training, which was really just a lot of endurance and stamina exercises, before they embarked on their five D-Rank missions for the day. She’d wondered about that, why they did so many when Ino mentioned her team only ever did two. 

“It’s probably for Naruto,” Shikamaru’s quiet voice offered. He had been pretending to nap to avoid sparing with the two girls. “He’s an orphan, I mean, so is Sasuke, but it’s not like Sasuke has to worry about paying rent. He’s got a whole compound and the combined funds of a hundred Uchiha, Naruto doesn’t have anything.” 

Sakura, embarrassingly, had never considered how not one but two of her teammates were orphans. She should have noted how Naruto’s jumpsuit bore the evidence of homemade patches. If she had to guess, she’d say someone had tried to teach Naruto how to sew, but they either hadn’t done a very good job at it, or he simply wasn’t good at it. 

Someone had taught Naruto how to cook, though, he was excellent at the very least at making soups. Sasuke was awful, she was sure he couldn’t boil water without botching it. 

Sakura never complained about how many D-Ranks they did after she realized Naruto needed them to, at the very least, be able to feed himself. If anything, she thought it was awfully kind of Kakashi-sensei to keep his financial needs in mind, though she supposed that was his job. Maybe she ought not to give him too much credit, just on principle.

“You’re doing it wrong, moron.” Sasuke’s voice carried over from the section of fence he and Naruto were painting. She instinctively felt her shoulders tense, that small ember of rage that was always coiled around her heart growing hotter. 

“Oh yeah? Then show me the right way to do it, bastard.” Naruto snapped back. The heat was getting to all of them, he’d tossed aside his orange jacket, the white T-Shirt he wore under it was sticking to his tanned arms from sweat. Even Sasuke’s usually pale features were tinted pink with sunburn, though Sakura was loath to note it hardly looked like he was sweating.

Would they never change? It felt like it…Sakura took a breath, ready to tell both of them to just leave and she’d finish alone. She was drenched in her own sweat, hair pulled up into a messy bun to keep it from sticking to the nape of her neck, too frustrated to bother with one of her usual braids. Her hand curled tighter around the paintbrush, the wood creaking pathetically in her hold as she listened to Sasuke stomp toward Naruto and-

And then he showed him how to move the paint brush properly. And…and Naruto let him. There was a lull of silence as the three of them worked, and slowly Sakura’s tensed shoulders relaxed, her hand loosening around the paintbrush. Maybe, just maybe, they could make this work.

“You’re still a bastard.” Naruto muttered under his breath.

“Tch, and you’re still a moron.” Sasuke gripped back.

Sakura sighed, and somewhere in a tree, Kakashi face palmed.

“Alright,” Kakashi-sensei clapped his hands, successfully ending the three-way spar they had been slugging through for the last hour. Really, the man could be a total slave driver. Sakura took the break to drink deeply from her water canteen, while Naruto collapsed gracelessly into the grass and Sasuke pretended to not be winded, which just made him look a bit constipated. “We’ve got a mission, another C-Rank!”

At this, Naruto instantly perked up. They all did, really. The boys were constantly looking for ways to challenge each other, and higher ranked missions were the best way to do that. For Sakura, it offered a break to the boredom D-Rank missions were. She’d been taking strictly C-Rank missions with Team Four before…before that day. Being reduced back to D-Ranks had grated at her nerves more than she cared to show.

They’re holding me back. A small voice whispered in the back of her head, corrosive with anger at the injustice of it all. They’re my new team. Another voice argued, trying to justify it. Not them, though, not what I lost. Never them. That angry voice snarled, and well, it wasn’t wrong.

“What kind of mission, Kakashi-sensei? Are we protecting someone else super awesome now? A princess? Or a Queen!” Naruto had sat up, bright-eyed and reenergized in a way that made both Sakura and Sasuke glare at him in jealousy. How he could train for hours and still seem to have boundless energy annoyed them both to no end.

“Maa, nothing quite that fun, Naruto-kun.” Kakashi-sensei reached into his weapons pouch, and retrieved that Kami forsaken book. He flipped it open to an unmarked page, raising it to read, and Sakura felt her eye twitch. “The Hokage has decided that all of our ranks need to know what to do in times of emergency, so we’re doing a village wide mission today.”

“Times of emergency?” Naruto’s brows furrowed, and he flopped back onto his back, spread eagle. “That sounds so boring, why would the old man want us to do that?”

“I agree with the moron, this is a waste of time.” Sasuke crossed his arms, and she felt that ball of anger coil tighter around her heart.

“Times of emergency often mean times of war,” Sakura snapped, before she could control it. They didn’t know what mission Team Four had died for, they didn’t know- “I don’t think it’s a waste of time to go over the procedures to protect our village, and I’d think the last living member of the Uchiha’s Police Force wouldn’t either.”

The way Sasuke froze was immensely satisfying to the bitter, angry monster festering in her chest, but Kakashi rested a hand on Sakura’s shoulder and she forced herself to look away from the ugly flash of anger on Sasuke’s face. She didn’t care that the two of them were getting along better, not when they wore ignorance and immaturity like fucking armor.

“Times of war?” Naruto looked between them all, a frown tugging at his lips. “Why would we be worried about war?”

“Naruto,” Kakashi-sensei sighed, and seemed to gauge the weight of his book for a moment before answering. “We should always be prepared for the worst case scenario, the three of you grew up in a time of extended peace-”

Sasuke scoffed, shoving his hands in his pockets, and for once Sakura thought that was a fair reaction. What part of having your clan murdered before your eyes, being the village’s pariah, and being a hated immigrant forced to become a child soldier constituted a peaceful childhood?

“-so you don’t realize how unforgiving war can be. Today, you’ll be given your long-standing assignment as a Genin to Konoha in the case of an emergency, just like Chunin and Jonin will also be given assignments.”

“Well, what’s our assignment then?” Naruto grumbled, ripping up clumps of grass with his hands.

“Hmm, Sakura-chan? Did your team ever go over this?” Their teacher asked instead, ever the lover of forcing his Genin to do his job for him.

“Yes,” she sighed after a long pause, not looking at any of them. “Most Genin will be broken into four to six man squads and sent to evacuate and protect citizens.”

“Very good!” He ruffled her hair playfully, and Sakura snarled in a way that was not unlike one of his summons. “The three of you will be split into three other squads, because Team Seven is considered a front line unit, we’ll need one of each of you with the other teams.” 

He paused for dramatic effect, perhaps waiting to see if anyone would argue with that claim, and then forged onwards.

“Naruto, you’ll be evacuating the hospital with Rock Lee, member of Team Guy, Yamanaka Ino, member of Team Asuma, and Inuzuka Kiba, member of Team Kurenai. Sasuke-” Naruto cut him off.

“Team Guy? Rock Lee? I’ve never heard of them, believe it!” He rocked back and forth slightly, seeming to not care as he smeared dirt on the sleeve of his orange jacket.

“They graduated a year before you, a year after me.” Sakura said, voice tight and carefully level. Both Sasuke and Naruto gave her a strange look, as if not understanding how she knew that, but she ignored them. It felt like a blessing that Lee wasn’t on her squad for this assignment, but she could feel Kakashi’s gaze burning a hole on the side of her head.

“Correct. Sasuke, your squad will consist of Hyūga Neji, member of Team Guy, Nara Shikamaru, member of Team Asuma, and Aburame Shino, member of Team Kurenai. You’ll be helping evacuate citizens from the streets and into the shelters, working alongside Chunin and Jonin in the process.” Sakura thought it was kind of impressive that Kakashi-sensei remembered all of this off the top of his head, and she was thankful to not have Neji and his strange ghosts on her squad either.

“What! I want to help with the fighting, that’s so lame Kakashi-sensei!” Naruto shot to his feet, and Sakura barely resisted the urge to chuck her water bottle at his head.

“Do you ever listen?” She snapped before Sasuke could, surprising the Uchiha some. “Our team is considered front line, that means we’ll be doing most of the fighting while the rest of our squad mates focus on safely evacuating. Think, Naruto. An attack on the village will always target the hospital first to try and eliminate our weakest links, that’s why they put you, Lee, and Kiba on a team with Ino. You’re strong enough to protect their backs, while Lee likely protects yours.”

The blonde seemed to recoil at the venom in her voice for a moment, but then he heard the unintended compliment in her words and seemed to preen at Sakura calling him strong. She wanted to pull on her hair and scream, why were boys so frustrating?!

“Ah, look at you, you’ll be a Genin sensei in no time.” Kakashi chuckled, flipping open his book again and trying to ruffle her hair once more. Sakura swatted at his hand, and he giggled, though she wasn’t entirely sure if that was because of the book or not.

“Hopefully a better one than you,” she muttered moodily, making Naruto snort.

“That leaves you, Sakura-chan,” he said, happily ignoring her. “You’ll be evacuating the Academy, your squamates being Tenten, member of Team Guy, Akimichi Choji, member of Team Asuma, and Hyūga Hinata, member of Team Kurenai.”

“What if it’s a day that the academy isn’t in session?”

“Ah, then you’ll be sent to work alongside Sasuke’s team.”

That seemed fair.

“Well, when does the mission start?” Sasuke finally spoke up, face carefully impassive.

“Oh,” Kakashi-sensei said, sounding entirely too cheerful. “About an hour ago.”

“What?!” The three of them yelled as one.

Sasuke didn’t like this squad. It wasn’t surprising, he barely liked his actual Team. Neji was too stiff, acting as if everyone was below him, Shikamaru was as lazy as he’d been back in the Academy, and Shino was just…weird. Not to mention, the Jonin they were paired with…

“So, you are one of my rival’s youthful students!” The man was dressed in a disgusting green jumpsuit, with…god, leg warmers? In this weather? Sasuke cringed away from him and his intense bowl cut. “Ahaha! I see you are as cool as my rival, I look forward to running this drill with you, Sasuke-kun!”

God, what had he done to deserve this? He was going to kill Kakashi-sensei.

“Ugh, I can’t believe I ended up on a squad with you instead of Sakura-chan or Sasuke-kun.” Ino was pouting, but that wasn’t what caught Naruto’s interest.

“How do you know Sakura-chan?” He squinted suspiciously at her, and the blonde seemed to puff up as if he’d spit at her or something.

“She’s my best friend and rival, that’s how!”

“Huh,” Naruto scratched his cheek, looking up toward the sky. They hadn’t really gotten into any trouble being late, and that made Naruto wonder…was that Kakashi’s way of pranking people? Because if so… “I didn’t think Sakura-chan had friends.”

“What?!” Ino gasped, stomping her foot. “Of course she has friends, she’s amazing!”

“Wow, jeez! I know she is, she’s my teammate!” Naruto grouched, feeling defensive for reasons he couldn’t quite place. “I just mean, she’s so prickly…like a cactus. I didn’t think-”

“Take that back!” Ino growled, looking like she was ready to leap at Naruto and claw his face off.

Kurenai wanted a drink, there was no way she was left in charge of these knuckleheads. At least Guy’s student seemed to be quieter than she’d heard he’d be. Lee was looking thoughtfully at Naruto, and Kiba was…

“Kiba, put that down!” She gasped, but Naruto made a sound of intense interest when he saw what his comrade was holding.

“Whoa, cool! Where’d you find a bag of blood?” He called, moving toward the other boy. 

“What? Ew!” Ino screeched.

“My name is Haruno Sakura,” she bowed politely to Asuma, who was taking a slow drag from his cigarette. “I will be in your care.”

Choji was beaming at her, Tenten and Hinata behind him.

“Haruno, I’ve heard a lot about you from Kakashi.” Asuma flicked off some ashes from his vest, and gestured at the other Genin. “For this assignment, I may end up pulled to help fighting outside of the Academy. In that case, you’ll be the squad commander in my place.”

Sakura felt her shoulders tense up, but she nodded solemnly.

“I understand, I’ll do my best to protect the students.” She said, trying not to fidget under his intense gaze. Asuma reached out, a hand resting on Choji’s shoulder.

“And your squadmates?” He asked, voice tight.

Sakura felt her stomach bottom out, her hands curling into fists. It wasn’t a surprise, not really, but it still stung to know what Ino’s teacher thought of her. Choji looked up at Asuma-sensei with wide eyes, like he couldn’t believe what the man had just said.

“With my life.” Sakura said, voice fierce. He nodded, though, and there was no remorse on the man's face.

“Good,” Asuma crushed the cigarette under his heel, and gestured inside. “Let's go meet the students and their teachers.”

Sakura followed behind them, feeling cold and bitter.

Two Months Earlier

How could I take it? He had wondered, when he’d first heard the news. Goro had been like a brother to him, and Lee had already lost so much. 

He’d heard stories of his cousins teammates, but he’d always kept them to himself, like a dragon hoarding its most precious treasure. Lee had never gotten to meet either of them, but he knew how Goro loved them both. How Ayanokoji was passionate and brave, how Sakura was strong and resilient. 

Sakura was more resilient than Lee, he was sure of that. So, why could he handle it, when she couldn’t? He was watching her, folded in on herself by the memorial stone, nails digging into her skin until rivulets of red dripped from her elbows. He realized, then, watching her, Team Four was maybe the only thing Sakura had ever loved, and now they were gone. Lee had lost Goro, a brother, but Sakura? She’d lost everything.

The thought made him feel a little sick. What would happen to him, if he lost Neji, Tenten, and Guy-sensei? Him and Neji didn’t get along, not really, but they were rivals. Tenten was his closest, and perhaps only, friend. Guy-sensei was the last family member he had left, if Lee lost him? Well…

He thought about going up to her, about offering her his hand, letting her know that all would be well, so long as she remained youthful in their honor. Lee thought about telling her all the lies he told himself, and then Sakura looked up with her hard, pale eyes, and those thoughts disappeared like a wisp of smoke into the open air. 

In that moment, with that look in her eyes, she hardly looked human. Lee thought that maybe, just maybe, Sakura hadn’t loved anything other than Team Four. She may have had one other tether, but looking at her right then, it was like seeing someone tread water during a storm. She didn’t look like she’d ever love anyone or anything ever again. She looked like she wanted to burn the whole world down, like she didn’t care about anything else other than what she’d lost. 

I don’t care either, Lee lied to himself. He realized then, that he’d been lying to himself about too much too often. I don’t care either.

He lied anyways, he was still lying and he knew it. Always lying, and never believing the lies he whispered to himself. It was easier to stay behind a happy facade, to focus on the teachings Guy-sensei offered.

No, because while  Lee did care about what he’d lost, he would mourn and he would continue to grow stronger, but he had other things he cared about too. For his team…he had to care about more than just what had been lost, even if knowing that made him feel guilty and nauseated. He could remain youthful and positive to honor his cousins memory. So, he wouldn’t reach out to Sakura, not yet. 

Not until he could stomach his truth better, until it didn’t leave a pit of guilt in his stomach everytime he caught a glimpse of pink — the last living member of Team Four and their families. Forsaken for sins she couldn’t control, and forgotten by those who couldn’t bear to shoulder her burden alongside her. 

Lee would stay away, until he could find the words to apologize for leaving her alone in this. 

Present Day

“Uzumaki Naruto!” The blond in question turned from where he was arguing with an old lady that very clearly had dementia to face Lee. In fact, half the people in the ward turned to face the exuberant boy. It was the first time he’d truly spoken up all day, so it was attention grabbing. 

“What?” Naruto sounded defensive, face scrunched up in a silly squishy looking way. He’d been making faces at the old lady, which had her riding her cane at him and threatening to chase him down to beat him with it. 

“Please introduce me to your teammate, Sakura Haruno!” There was an abrupt pause, everyone seeming to blink in union, and then Ino and Naruto spoke at the same time.

“Absolutely not.”

“No way, billboard brows!”

”What?!” Lee gasped, clearly surprised at having been denied by not one, but two people. “I just wish to speak with her, I owe her a great debt and it would be monumentally unyouthful of me to continue— wait! Come back!!” 

He scampered after them, for the two blonde Shinobi had turned around and resolutely walked away. 

“What do you mean we have to evacuate seventy two streets?” Shikamaru sounded truly aghast, and silently Sasuke agreed. It seemed extreme, were no one else focusing on evacuation for the streets? And— he could practically hear Sakura’s waspish voice, telling him to think about how big the village actually was.

Sasuke stuffed his hands into his pockets, deciding to keep his mouth shut for now. 

“Just that, young Nara! Worry not, with me at your side we will breeze through this expedition! In fact, if one of the other groups finishes before us I’ll run a hundred laps around the village—“

“Why in Kami’s name would you do that?” Shikamaru said, looking as horror struck as he'd sounded. 

“—on my hands!” Gai finished his speech with a pose, a hand on his hip while the other was raised with a thumbs up, his teeth flashing blindingly in the sun. 

Neji looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole, and Shino was…he was staring at a beetle on his hand. Sasuke looked toward Shikamaru, meeting the boys gaze and feeling surprised that it was the lazy Nara, of all people, that he’d find solidarity in regarding the clusterfuck this team was. 

“So you’re like, real Ninja?” Asked one of the children, a boy with a blue scarf that was three times too big for him, was leaning back in his chair. It was teetering on two legs dangerously, and one of the other students, a girl with orange hair that seemed as if it wanted to stick straight on end, was watching him nervously. 

“Yes,” Sakura answered for her team after a pause, in which no one else seemed to want to speak up. Tenten and Hinata seemed to have struck up a fast friendship during the hour in which they’d waited for Sakura. Hinata was also staying as far away from Sakura as possible, and so Tenten followed. Choji was also just rather shy, so she knew in this scenario it was being left up to her to be the voice for them. “We are real Shinobi.” 

“Prove it!” The boy crowed, and a few of the other kids jeered their agreement. They…want them to prove it? She blinked slowly, feeling dumbfounded at the request. How were they supposed to do that? She turned uncertain eyes toward Asuma, but it looked like he was trying to smother a laugh, waving a hand for her to do so. 

Prove it? That seemed such a strange request, had she even been this...childish? Sakura couldn't remember, but she brought her hands together to oblige the children. 

Bird. 

Dog.

She channeled her chakra carefully, able to condense the jutsu from three hand signs to two, and then in a nearly incomprehensible blur of movement, Sakura was no longer in front of the students at the teachers podium. Squawks of surprise and shouts of awe filled the air, only to be turned into squeals of wonder as she caught the back of the boys chair. He'd jolted in surprise at her vanishing act, and the balance of his tipping chair was tilted backwards, only stopped by her steadying hand. 

"Was that adequate proof?" Sakura asked politely, not noticing the looks of faint surprise and awe from her stand-in teammates. 

"You," breathed the boy, who she would later learn was named Konohamaru, "You're so cool, onee-chan!"

And Sakura, well, she didn't really know what to do with that, so she felt justified for the blush that spread from her neck to the tips of her ears. 

She’s kneeling in front of her mother’s gravestone, staring at the sun washed monument silently. When she was younger, she had been told that, with time, the sting of loss would fade. Sakura realized now that those words were hollow, as if grief were a finite feeling. Grief stayed with you like a cough you couldn’t shake, perhaps for a time it would ease up, but it would always come back. 

Sakura wondered what came after death. Was there a heaven? A hell? She wasn’t so sure, and though she’d seen Team Four, though she knew that was real, it still felt ambiguous. She liked to think that dying was something else entirely; her rumination led to the thought that their souls folded into the fabric of the universe, that they were able to look down from the stars and know all and see all, that they were together up there, waiting for her to come back to them. 

Those thoughts didn’t ease the gnawing maw of grief. She traced the letters on the grave marker slowly, taking in a slow, steady breath. Two months today, since she'd lost her team, but it had been years since she'd lost her mom. The unknown distance to that great beyond stared back at her grieving frame, the sun casting a shadow over the brown grass on which she kneeled. It was silent, there was nothing she could say, nothing she could do, to ease the all too familiar ache in her chest. Nothing, except—

“I miss you,” her voice wobbled traitorously, and hot tears pricked in her eyes. “I think- I think I’m forgetting what your laugh sounded like.”

It felt like a betrayal to admit such a thing, and one of those tears broke free. It slid slowly down her cheek, leaving a hot trail in its wake. Sometimes, in those brief moments between wakefulness after a deep sleep, she forgot that her mom was gone, that Team Four was gone. Sakura would wake up, and for just a second, she’d think they’d be there. But then, she’d remember, and it would crash over her with all the weight of a rockslide. She’d have a dream where they were alive and happy, and when she woke up she’d remember they were gone and there was no coming back, no seeing them or speaking to them ever again. 

Those moments were worse than this, than the time spent kneeling at grave stones and wishing they were still here, atoning for things she couldn’t have ever stopped with flowers and tears. Guilt and grief just worked like that, she supposed. 

She understood it a little better now, the truth of loss is that when you lose someone you love; you will grieve forever. There’s no such thing as ‘getting over’ the loss, you simply learn to live with it. You’ll heal, rebuild yourself into something that can withstand the never ending heartbreak, you may even be whole again someday. But you’ll never be the same, and Sakura didn’t want to be anyways. 

To be the same, would be to forget what it felt like to love them and to be loved by them. That was unimaginable, and just as awful a thought as the actual loss. 

“I miss you,” she whispered through her tears, feeling as if she was being held hostage to the grief brimming in her soul. “Mama, I just miss you so much.” 

And even those words felt inadequate, because her grief felt like sinking, like being buried, like she was being suffocated in water the tawny color of kicked up dirt. Every breath was full of choking, with no end in sight, no way to reach the surface. The words felt inadequate, because she was speaking to a gravestone, and not the person she most wished to see again. 

What could you ever say, when the words would always go unanswered? 

“Let’s see,” the Hokage murmured, unfolding a scroll. “Fence painting, babysitting, hmmm, maybe dog walking?”

Naruto muttered something vile under his breath, and Sasuke shot him a scandalized look. It was Sakura, though, that snapped first.

“Hokage-sama,” she spoke up, stunning her team into silence. “I believe we’re ready for another C-Rank mission.”

What went unsaid was; if you stick me on another baby mission again, I may rethink my decisions to switch to T&I.

“Ah, Sakura-chan, I was wondering how long it would take.” The Hokage chuckled, and she wanted to scream. Has it all been a test?! Just to see how long she’d put up with all this bullshit? She clenched her teeth.

“Very well, then. Lets see…yes, I have the perfect mission.” the old man smiled, and Naruto was practically vibrating with his excitement beside her. “Another protection detail, a bridge builder. Hmm, Iruka, send him in, please.”

Sakura never regretted speaking up more than she did now. They had one hour to pack and meet at the gates, she’d barely gotten to say bye to her dad, leave a message for Hiashi who was in a meeting, stop at the memorial stone, and grab her three month mission pack (after the last time, she wanted to be over prepared.) before meeting her team at the gate. Kakashi-sensei was surprisingly punctual, which just made it all so much worse because she was fifteen minutes late.

"Maa, you shouldn't develop bad habits, Sakura-chan." Her Sensei had said, sounding much too happy at the thought of her picking up any of his dismal mannerisms, much to her annoyance.  

Tazuna was a mean drunk, insulting everyone except for Kakashi and himself, which naturally set the boys off. It was one of the most frustrating missions she’d had in what felt like forever, which was honestly a testament to her usual missions. They'd been walking for close to six hours, and their client was already moaning at the stain it was causing. Sakura wasn't paying much mind to him, though, much too focused on the puddle in the middle of the road. 

A puddle, in the middle of one of the worst droughts the Land of Fire had to date? Seriously? She wanted to kill whoever thought they'd be dumb enough for fall for that on principle alone. Sakura stretched, lifting her arms up in a careless sort of manner thought could be expected from a Genin, and dropped her hands loosely by sides so they skimmed over her weapons pouches with an over exaggerated sigh. The movement was so absurdly out of character, that she could feel all eyes on her, so she turned to Kakashi-sensei with a pout. 

"The old man is right," she said, earning a choked gasp of rage from said old man at the disrespect. "How much longer, Kakashi-sensei?" 

He chuckled, seeing through it all easily. He lifted a hand to run his fingers through his hair, and she saw signs she was waiting for. 

Unknown assailants, going to wait for their objective. Stand by.

"The journey to Wave takes three days, you'll have to be more patient, Sakura-chan." She felt dread form a bottomless pit in her stomach. It seemed every mission had the horror of going sideways, because there was no feasible reason that the bridge builder they were escorting should be targeted like this. She grunted to show she'd heard and understood him, but turned back to focus on the road, kicking at Naruto's ankle when he didn't stop staring at her. 

What came next was horribly predictable. Kakashi-sensei caught them all up in a genjutsu, letting the enemy think they'd successfully killed him so they could move on to their real target. One of them men lunged for Tazuna, while the other aimed for Naruto, the shortest of the three of them and likely the weakest. For what it was worth, the blond seemed to come to life, twisting out of the way and digging into his thigh holster for a kunai. Sasuke veered to help him, and Sakura intercepted the man going after their target, deflecting the clawed blades with her own kunai. 

The metal screeched against each other, but neither of them winced at the piercing sound. Her eyes were narrowed, focused on the threat in front of her, trusting the boys to handle the other, or at the very worst trusting Kakashi to keep them alive if they failed. 

Without warning, she relented the battle of strength, and the man staggered forward some, not having expected her to do so. Her foot connected solidly with the meat of his stomach, and she could feel how easily it gave beneath her chakra fueled kick. He doubled over, wheezing and coughing up blood, before Kakashi-sensei appeared behind him, his arm locking around the mans throat. 

"Well," he said cheerfully, behind him Naruto and Sasuke had wrestled the other man to the ground. "I think we should have a chat, don't you, Tazuna?"

The bridge builder paled, before he bent over and puked.

“Test time, kids.” Kakashi murmured. They’d kept moving after the first attack, as jarring as it had been. Two tense night camping saw to them crossing into the Land of Waves a day sooner than they'd originally planned. They'd wanted to continue with the mission, well, everyone except for Sakura had. “What do you know about The Land of Waves?”

“It’s a cluster of islands south of Konoha, famous for its many mangroves. It’s isolated, doesn’t have a Hidden Village, and relies on shipping for commerce and trade.” Sakura said reflexively, thinking about the textbooks she’d read in the Academy. 

“Hm, what else do you know of The Land of Waves?” Kakashi-sensei was lounging against the side of the boat they'd caught, voice soft as they crossed through the fog to the islands in question.

“It was prosperous, right?” She ventured, feeling unsure.

“It was…a long time ago.” Tazuna spoke up, surprising everyone. He'd hardly spoken, except for complaints, over the last two days of travel. There was a pause, the three Genin looking between each other uncertainly.

“What happened?” Naruto finally asked, too curious to let his grudge against the old drunk affect him.

“The islands were once unified, not just as people, but the very land itself. They were a strong sort, devout to Ryujin, the God of the Sea.” Sasuke made a disbelieving noise at the mention of a God, but Sakura perked up. “History says that the people who followed his ways were rewarded protection, he created soldiers from the strongest of his worshipers. They grew to become three times a normal man’s size, and with their growth came powers unlike any had seen before on the island. But with time, the islanders lost their way with Ryujin. The soldiers he’d created were still part man, and men were filled with greed and lust for even more power. They turned on one another, fighting to take the land as theirs. The island was torn apart, and the islanders were too afraid to continue to worship Ryujin as they once did, for it only brought them suffering and grief.” 

Silence hung heavy in the air, and the boat they were in felt weighed down by the surrounding fog. The man that had been hired to row them to the island was silent, not disputing anything that Tazuna said. It was, Sakura thought, the most sense the old man had made since they’d first met him. 

“What happened to all of the soldiers?” She asked, breaking the moment of silence.

“They killed each other, until none remained. There’s rumors, of course, of their ancestors walking around. Just that, though. Anyone born to those demons would be a monster.” Tazuna spat the last word, and Sakura flinched. 

“You don’t expect us to believe all that, seriously?” Sasuke snapped. 

“You’ll see.” Chimed in Kakashi, making them all jump slightly. He’d been so quiet during the story, it was easy to forget he was with them. “There’s evidence of the battles that took place to this day. The Land of Waves is a place that had been unfathomably touched by a God, there’s no denying the stories of old. Not once you’ve seen it.”

“Well, what happened after?” Naruto ventured into the story, rocking back and forth some in his seat, making the entire boat wobble.

“After?” Tazuna laughed, but it was a noise void of humor. “The Islanders tried to rebuild their homes, reshape communities. We flourished for a time, until Gatō showed up. He set his sights on the islanders, knew that we had no Shinobi to protect us, no hidden village to cower behind. He’s taken advantage of us, starved us in our own homes.”

“We’re nearing the shore.” The quiet and weary voice of their guide spoke up, before the story could spiral any further.

Sure enough, Sakura could make out the tree’s ahead of them. They weren’t like what she was used to, though, the leafs were an array of pinks and purples, glowing softly in the haze of the fog. She looked toward Kakashi, eyebrows raised, but he was already looking at her. He nodded, once, confirmation to her unasked question.

This was what he’d meant, there was no doubt that this land had been touched by something Godly, not with how the nature around them seemed ethereal. She wondered, as they docked on the shore and debarted the boat, if Ryujin was the God her family had been blessed by.