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Chapter Text

Balam Shichiro watches as Iruma self-consciously sips his tea on the couch across from him. He had made sure that there would be nobody visiting his office for the next hour. You see, this was a very important and confidential meeting: Shichirou and Iruma’s first conversation about humans. 

Shichiro nearly didn’t manage to sleep last night because of the excitement.

“So, Iruma-kun,” he starts. And then stops. He doesn’t know what to say next. What should he ask? Common physical traits, food, birthplace, things you dislike… 

Based on the way that Iruma is staring at him like a panicked Kelbie, he also doesn’t know how to start this conversation.

“…What do you want to know first?” Iruma asks nervously.

“Ummmm…” cultural trends, physical environment, friendly animals, common predators, species birth rate… there's too many things to ask about!

It was a critical flaw in Shichiro’s plan that he hadn’t foreseen coming: they’re both socially inept!

“Balam-sensei?” human education norms, rites of passage, natural lifespan, no, that’s too morbid for a first conversation, don’t ask about death, ask about --

“When’s your birthday?” he eventually blurts out.

“Oh! It’s October 4th!” Iruma says with a smile.

… What? 

“Did… did you tell the principal about this?” Shichiro asks in a faint tone of voice. He can already see the fallout of this catastrophe.

“No?” Iruma says, with clear confusion in his voice. He even tilts his head to the side in a, quite frankly, very cute way. No, don’t get distracted! He didn’t tell Sullivan! …He didn’t even think to tell Sullivan…

“Do humans not celebrate birthdays, Iruma-kun?” Maybe Iruma doesn’t know that this would be a big deal for Sullivan.

“Hm? No, we do.” Ah, there goes that theory. “...Well, some people do.”

“Some people? It varies, then?” Shichiro asks, excitedly. “Is it a cultural thing, or a socioeconomic thing? Do the humans that celebrate all do it in the same way? Do they celebrate every year? Does age matter? Who attends a birthday ritual?”

“Um, uh, I think so? Wait, I mean,” Iruma pauses to gather his thoughts. “There are lots of different ways to celebrate birthdays, it varies over both cultures, class, and age. Usually you celebrate every year, if you can. Family is usually invited, and friends sometimes too. The more there are, the more extravagant the party is considered.”

Shichiro’s mind is already whirring with more questions to ask, wondering at the many variables already on display. There's different levels of “extravagance”? Is that directly related to class difference? It sounded like it had more to do with popularity though…

“Um, usually a birthday party is held at home, although there are a lot of reasons someone might rent out a public facility to have a party there instead.” Iruma continues. “Usually, a party like that involves a big guest list, catering food, and doing whatever activities that the facility offers, like roller skating!” What the devi is roller skating . “Also, some public parties are just a meal at a restaurant, and those are usually smaller than the whole renting thing.”

“So, let me get this straight,” Shichiro says. “Even if two humans are the same age, same class, and from the same culture, you can still choose to engage in entirely different activities to celebrate a birthday, all of which are considered valid birthday rituals?”

“Yep!”

“Then what makes it a birthday party?” Shichiro throws his hands up in exasperation. “That’s just any party that happens to fall on a birthday!”

“Well, there’s usually a cake and candles involved. As well as gifts given only to the person whose birthday it is. And a song too.”

Well, the gift-giving is familiar, at least.

“What’s the song about?”

“Depends on the language.”

Shichiro can’t even ask him what his birthdays are like because he doesn’t celebrate them!

Speaking of which… “Iruma-kun, is there any reason that a human would have for not wanting to celebrate a birthday?”

Iruma rubs his chin and considers the question for a few moments before answering. “I guess… if they were self-conscious about their age? Or if they had some sort of incident in the past that made birthday parties a bad memory for them. Those are the only two I can think of…”

Great, now how does he ask this next question without raising suspicion…

“And… would you? Want a birthday party, that is?”

After all, Opera and Sullivan would have to be informed of Iruma’s birthday.

Chapter Text

The first week of the next term finds Shichiro and Iruma once again in Shichiro’s office. This time, post demonic rituals. After seeing Iruma cry from joy during his birthday party, Shichiro can safely say that this research is the most important endeavor of this generation .

“Hello again, Balam-sensei,” Iruma says shyly. He’s been more cheerful since the party, though tends to get bashful when talking to the people that attended his rituals, Shichiro included.

“Hello, Iruma-kun. Tea?” Shichiro asks, preparing a pot of Hell Grey.

“Yes, please.”

The two sit in companionable silence as Shichiro prepares their cups and Iruma tucks his bag under the table. They had decided that the best time to meet would be directly after classes ended for the day on Mondays.

Apparently, his friends stopped questioning his new schedule the second Shichiro’s name came up. Usually that response would be borne out of fear, but with the misfits class, it’s because they know him as a trustworthy teacher. 

Ah, it’s hard not to love those kids.

“So… that ranking test soon… crazy huh?” Iruma asks with an awkward chuckle.

Shichiro raises an eyebrow. “Are you trying to get insider information out of me?”

“... No…?”

Shichiro laughs quietly. “Give it up, subterfuge doesn’t look good on you, Iruma-kun. Except maybe in your evil cycle.”

“Oh,” Iruma gets a weird look on his face. “Speaking of that… humans actually don’t get evil cycles.”

“Iruma-kun,” Shichiro says slowly, “you’ve had an evil cycle. Two, if I saw your Akudol performance correctly.”

Iruma’s eyes bug out of his head as he nearly jumps out of his seat. “You saw that??”

“Murmur-sensei hosts an Akudol Games watch party for all the teachers that stay in the faculty dorms over the break.” Shichiro says.

Then he watches as Iruma’s soul tries to leave his body. 

Actually, asking about human souls would be a good topic for another session…

When Iruma finally resurrects, Shichiro slides him his tea in a silent show of support.

“... How many teachers?”

“Do you really want to know?”

They sit in silent solidarity for a few moments.

“Okay,” Iruma takes a deep breath. “Okay. Back on topic. Humans don’t have evil cycles. I faked it using magic.”

Now it’s Shichiro’s turn to reboot his brain. Iruma was able to fake something as complex as an evil cycle? After being in the Netherworld for less than a year, he understands evil cycles and magic so well that he can do that?

“That’s… incredibly impressive, Iruma-kun. I can’t even begin to imagine the level of complexity required to make a spell like that. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of an evil cycle being artificially induced using magic before… How did you do it?”

That weird look is back on Iruma’s face again, but this time he takes longer to respond. It’s as if he doesn’t know how to answer that question, and Shichiro can’t tell if it’s because he’s too humble or if it’s because he legitimately doesn’t want to tell.

“Okay, different question: why did you induce an evil cycle?”

“Oh, well, for the Akudol Games, it was to help out Kuromi-chan. We needed to have a “rock aesthetic” to win, and Lied-- LINDY-chan,” he quickly corrects himself, “mentioned that the performance was ‘gonna be wicked’ and it made me think of that.”

Shichiro decides to ignore Iruma’s little slip-up. The staff already knows which of the misfits have been dragged into Crocell’s ambition, and are keeping an eye on it (to see who wins the betting pool).

“Don’t you think that’s a bit of a dangerous method just to win a game?”

“No? Why would it be dangerous?”

“Iruma-kun, an evil cycle lowers inhibition and increases the likelihood of rash decisions. This leads to violent behavior in the one experiencing the evil cycle.”

“But… I don’t feel violent in my evil cycle? Or even particularly angry. Just more confident and less guilty about being greedy.”

Did Iruma just say that he feels guilty about being greedy?? Is that normal for humans? What path of evolution could possibly lead to that outcome?

“The evil cycle doesn’t make you more angry, it makes you more likely to act rashly when you do get angry. So being in the right environment is important when you’re acting on instinct like that.”

Iruma seems to ponder this for a while before shrugging and saying, “Maybe it’s because it’s not a ‘real’ evil cycle, but I just don’t feel out of control of myself when I’m in that state. I don’t feel short-tempered either. But I’ll be more careful in the future, Balam-sensei.” He says with a genuinely guilty look. Shichiro kind of feels like he just scolded a puppy.

“Okay, good. And the first time?”

“I was just curious. It was a bit of an accident, actually.”

“... You… accidentally … how?? ”

-o0o-

Follow-up Notes:

• Do all humans feel guilt over greed? 
• How do humans naturally handle stress, if not through evil cycles?
• Iruma seems to be gifted when it comes to magic. Change his classes?
  

Chapter Text

“Alright,” Shichiro says, “I feel like we’ve been talking more about you specifically rather than humans in general, so I’d like to talk about human psychology today.”

It’s the Monday after the heartbreaker test, and the misfits class is still riding the highs and lows of their performance, more motivated and competitive than ever before. With the exception of Asmodeus and Jazz, the students don’t seem to be holding any ill-will against the staff, which was good.

“Sure, what would you like to know first?” Iruma asks with a smile.

“The speed with which you learned archery… tell me, Iruma-kun, do you know why demons struggle with the bow?”

“Master said that it’s because demons struggle with concentration.” Iruma says, “But, you know, I’ve been wondering about that… Kalego-sensei knows how to play the piano. Wouldn’t that take just as much time to learn?”

Shichiro beams at his student for being so clever. Too often, children are taught to accept information from instructors at face-value without looking for contradictions. This right here is a good example of an oversimplification.

“Demons do struggle to concentrate on things, especially if those things fall outside of their Ambition. Take Crocell-san, for instance: a lot of what she does as Kuromi-chan takes hours of practice and dedication. Memorizing the song lyrics, dance routines, and going through any of the other tedious publicity chores all require patience. But, it’s her Ambition, and so she can pull it off.”

“So, does Kalego-sensei’s Ambition have something to do with piano?”

“No. His Ambition is to protect Babyls. But there’s another aspect that plays into how easy it is to concentrate: setting. The hardest time for a demon to show restraint is in the middle of a confrontation. Those ‘do or die’ moments are absolute torture to keep your head during. You don’t tend to practice piano in the middle of a fight, so it’s easier for a demon to learn that hobby than to be an effective archer.”

“Oh, I think it’s the same for humans? Yeah, it’s definitely harder to concentrate when you’re panicking over something.”

“No, not panicking. Bloodlust.”

“Huh?”

“Huh?”

The two look at each other in mutual confusion for a moment. 

“Um, well,” Iruma laughs nervously. “That’s… not as much of a distraction for me?”

“Yes, so I’ve noticed, and I was wondering if that’s common among humans. Tell me, do other humans do archery? Have they discovered the bow? How well, in your opinion, are humans able to concentrate in comparison to demons? Can you tell me anything about human hunting patterns?” Shichiro cuts off his excited rambling. He’s gotten more confident in these last few meetings, but still. No good will come from overwhelming the poor boy.

Iruma too has become more confident because he doesn’t hesitate or stutter when replying: “Archery used to be really popular as a hunting method. Some of the oldest human artifacts we’ve found are actually spear and arrowheads, so it was one of our earliest tools. A lot of people do archery for fun now, so I think all humans have an easier time with it than demons.”

Interesting, one of their earliest tools? That would imply that they’re much more attuned to it than we could ever-- wait, actually, when did the Barbatos family learn archery? 

“Do you know of any records of humans designing the first bow?” Shichiro asks.

“Oh, absolutely not.” Huh, well if  humans don’t know where it came from, then perhaps-- “The bow is way older than written language.”

Shichiro’s eyes widen. That’s a much longer history than he was expecting. Or humans developed writing much later than he thought. Not likely, so it implies one other possibility:

“Iruma-kun, did you know that we have legends about some of our more noteworthy interactions with humans?” Iruma shakes his head. “One of which was that we taught humans everything they know about weaponry.”

“Oh. I guess that makes sense? You guys certainly have torture weapons I’ve never heard of.”

Shichiro nods. “Yes, so the story goes that we traded some of our knowledge for some of yours. I don’t know what the knowledge that we gained in that deal was, or even, really, if that story is true. But do you want to know what I do know? Our stories of humans include that they have language and culture and an established society. The ability to sign contracts with us--”

“Which would mean we already knew how to write back then!” Iruma interrupts with excitement.

Shichiro nods vigorously. Iruma’s caught on to the same line of thinking that Shichiro has. “If humans discovered archery before they developed a society--”

“We definitely did.”

“Then you didn’t learn that from us. And considering how humans seem to enjoy that weapon much more than demons do--”

“Do you think we came up with it and demons learned it from humans?”

“That might be possible. I’ve never looked into the Netherworld’s history of the bow. I would have to ask the Barbatos family a few things, but it could be that you just so happened to pick up the only ‘human’ weapon in all the world…! I have to say, that’s some incredible luck, if you didn’t plan it.”

Iruma shakes his head and says, “no, I didn’t even know that Master was planning on teaching me that when I was trying to get her to mentor me.” He pauses for a moment and seems to think deeply about something. “I wonder if it’s easier for me physically to use the bow too. Do demons’ wings get in the way of pulling the bowstring back?”

“Don’t you pull back on the string with your arms?”

“No, no, you use your back muscles.” Iruma mimes drawing a bow. “You push your shoulder blades together. Right to the spot where your wings come out, right?”

Shichiro considers it, and then moves his arms around in the same way to see what he’s talking about. He doesn’t really get it, but then, he’s not an archer. “That spot is called the wing roots, by the way. I can’t imagine they’d get in the way when the wings are tucked, but ask Bachiko-san to be sure.”

Or actually, maybe he shouldn’t. Does Bachiko know that Iruma is a human?

“Back to the topic at hand;” Shichiro says. Iruma focuses on him again. “Bows and spears being humanity’s oldest weapons implies a great preference for pointy sticks. Any idea why that is?”

“Distance, definitely. Most prey animals can outrun us, so we need projectiles to make up the difference. And trust me, as someone that's lived in bear territory and stolen from lions before,” Iruma pauses to shudder at some memory, “you want to keep other predators as far away from you as possible. If they get within striking distance, then you’re already in trouble.”

Slower than prey and weaker than predators… It truly is a miracle that humanity survived at all. 

“I’m going to ask you for descriptions of ‘bears’ and ‘lions’ later.”

Iruma nods.

The two lapse into silence for a moment as Shichiro gathers his thoughts. One thing in particular stands out in his mind: humans are so poorly adapted to melee fighting in comparison to their fellow animals that they had to default to long-range in order to survive, and yet they also have no biological, built-in option for long range attacks either. Clearly, they have the mental facilities for it, but how did those develop without the matching physical capabilities? One could argue that they evolved mentally alongside their tools, but then how and why would they come up with those tools in the first place? There must be a missing piece of the puzzle here. Humans must have already had the patience to wield bows for some other, unrelated reason, and bows were simply a tool that just so happened to slot nicely into an already-existing skill set.

So what were humans doing that required so much patience before bows?

Chapter Text

“Iruma-kun, what types of hunting behaviors do humans exhibit? Besides using the bow, I mean.”

It’s the day after their previous meeting about archery. They usually wouldn’t meet on Tuesdays, but today Iruma had to wait for Opera to finish speaking with Kalego, and so Shichiro was taking this opportunity to follow up on some of the many questions that Iruma’s answers always leave him with.

Iruma looks up from his homework, pencil in mouth, as he processes the question. “... There was a lot of tracking involved. And I think we hunted in groups? Also, we gathered edible plants. That phase of our history is referred to as ‘hunter/gatherers’ not just ‘hunters.’”

Oh, they’re omnivores, like demons. He wonders if they started as carnivores, like everything in the Netherworld. Shichiro, busy taking notes, takes a few moments to notice the wording of Iruma’s last sentence. ‘What do you mean “that phase of your history?’”

“Humans don’t hunt anymore. We farm animals.”

Well, that’s true for demons as well; it’s been many years since every morsel of food was a fight to obtain. Of course, there are still delicacies that protect themselves with a fury that makes them impossible to eat regularly. But for some reason, it comes as a surprise to Shichiro that humans have taken the same method of holding their prey in captivity. Perhaps it has something to do with his perception of the human world in general -- that of a mostly safe place filled with happy and cute animals. It’s a misconception that he ought to forget, after the ‘bears’ and other predators that Iruma had assured him existed there.

“So, humans used to track animals -- back when you hunted at all, that is. What would you do when you found your prey? Ambush them? You couldn’t have overwhelmed them with strength or speed.”

“Um, yeah, I guess we ambushed them? Although we probably rarely got the upperhand on them that way: other animals have way sharper senses than us, and we’re not particularly sneaky.”

Shichiro feels like he’s losing his mind over this continued puzzle. He had always thought that research into other species would be easier if they could speak, but these past few conversations have been proving him wrong in that regard.

“How… how did humans hunt anything if everything had every possible advantage over you??”

“Well, they didn’t have every advantage. We have endurance.”

“Does that really make that much of a difference if you still can’t catch anything? Everything is faster than you, no matter how long you follow them, they’d still outpace you.”

“No, you’ve got to think longer-term than that. I spent a summer tagging zebras in the savannah for a preservation project, and the accepted tactic was to let them run themselves ragged before we moved in to catch them for real. By that point, they’re too tired to run at full speed and escape, whereas we’re still well-rested.”

Shichiro watches Iruma peacefully go back to his assignment, trying to picture the scenario he just described. Running, resting, hearing a predator. Running, resting, hearing the predator again. Running, running, resting, and the predator always following. Would you get to sleep? Every escape attempt would only result in sorer and sorer muscles. Every resting period marked by the knowledge that it won’t be enough, that it’s part of the problem. Running slower, and the predator is back, waiting, watching, intentional, fully able. 

The creeping dread, the inevitability of it all. The lack of options to escape.

“That’s terrifying, Iruma-kun.”

“Hm?”

Shichiro tries to think of anything in the Netherworld that uses a similar hunting method. Between Frost-Tipped Hell Wyrms and the Phoenix of the Abagux Basin, there're plenty of cruel and terrifying beasts to run from on this plane. Several intelligent ones too. But always, there is a distinct difference between the animal playing with their food and actually hunting it. Humans’ way of hunting seems to inherently include an aspect of psychological play. Quite unexpected.

“I see where the patience for archery developed now.” Shichiro mutters after some time. How truly horrifying it is to contemplate an entire species of archers, born and bred to have the mindset of the single most destructive role on the battlefield. What would warfare look like? An empty field of hidden enemies, all waiting for the loser to make the first move? Every conflict would be a battle of attrition.

Every battle of attrition that Iruma can force a demon into would be his guaranteed win.

“Iruma-kun, there are many areas in which demons are strong, and you are weak.” Iruma looks at him in confusion, not sure where this abrupt non sequitur is going. “I won’t lie: since discovering your humanity, I have been quite worried for you. It’s kept me up some nights, wondering how you will manage to survive here when you lack both the cruelty and the strength to fight any demon that truly wishes to destroy you.”

“I’m sorry to worry you, sensei…” Iruma starts.

Shichiro holds up a hand to stop him. “All that said… There are also plenty of areas where demons are weak and you are strong. Uniquely, and unexpectedly strong. Be sure to use that to your advantage.” Shichiro looks him in the eye to make sure he has his full attention. “Follow your instincts, they will give you the advantage of surprise. Fight only on your terms, because your best situation will put your enemies at an inherent disadvantage.”

Iruma nods solemnly. Shichiro knows that he is not a violent boy, but he also knows that Iruma understands the need for defending himself. He’s admitted that it’s an outcome that he’s been worried about since his first day in the Netherworld, and now that he’s training under Bachiko, it's something he’s more prepared for than ever.

Now the most pressing concern is figuring out who the biggest threats to Iruma will be. Hopefully, it's something that the boy can begin to learn about at the upcoming Deviculum.

Maybe Shichiro should ask Kalego to keep an eye on him there?

-o0o-

Follow-up Notes:

• What does human warfare look like?
• Do humans partake in hunting simulations for entertainment, like demons do?
• What does a healthy human diet consist of?
• What is the longest amount of time that Iruma can concentrate on something?