Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

My name is Zenith.

Was, Zenith. Is still Zenith. It depends on my current state of living. Am I dead? Or is someone just snooping through my journal?

I don’t really care. I can’t choose my destiny, but I can choose what I become. A girl once said that a long time ago, I can’t remember who, but it’s definitely stuck with me.

I could be like all the others, say I was just an average girl in the early twenties. I love reading, I know what other people tend to write regarding stories like these. I am not average. And if anyone were to suggest such a notion to my face I would quirk an eyebrow at them and laugh behind my breath. I was exceptional. Not some next coming of Einstein or whatever, but certainly smart and also socially aware. A rare combo if I had to say so myself.

I was also an arrogant little shit. Still am, just… not as much. It's hard to keep up that part when I realized how quickly 'not special' meant in the vastness of the universe where there were people who so clearly stood above the grain.

Getting off topic again. What's the point of a journal if I just ramble the whole time? Yes I know you can read this. It was your idea in the first place. Don't think I can't tell you're reading this over my shoulder. Don't poke me, that's rude!

Yes okay fine. I get it. I was a totally average girl who did average things such as go to school for computer engineering, did theater for a decade, write novels in my spare time and think of myself as better than others. Don't like it? You're the one snooping in my journal anyways.

Not you, the person over my shoulder. I meant you, the person looking at my journal.

Ugh. This isn’t making any sense. I'm just going to edit this part out when I publish this anyways.

This is the story of how I woke up in another universe, starting from rock bottom. Literally.

Chapter 1. I hit rock bottom.

I did not like smoking. I did not smoke. It's not that I had anything against it, I just didn't like it. Tried it once, never again.

Which is why when I discovered that I was smoking. I was probably the most confused girl in the world.

I coughed out the smoke that was in my lungs and shook the cigarette in my hand. Using my spare hand I waved away the leftover fumes and deposited the instrument of my lung’s irritation into the trash. The gritty feeling in my mouth was unpleasant, but I didn't have any water near me to wash it out.

It only took a few seconds to survey where I was. A supply closet, or something similar to it.

What the hell?

I could have sworn…

What was I just doing? I remembered going to sleep and waking up. But from up until then… nothing. Everything was blurry. As if someone had taken a video completely out of focus and only just now adjusted the aperture into clarity.

I fished my phone out of my jeans pocket and… realized I was not wearing jeans. Still had my phone though, but no jeans? I literally didn't own anything besides them. I had one skirt, but most certainly not the shorts and tights combo that I had on at the moment. At least it was warm.

Alright. Deep breaths. This wasn't the strangest thing to wake up to. I had woken up to weirder things, somehow. High school was certainly a wild time.

Just need to check my phone and-

Nope. Password didn't work. Ok. That's fine. Facial recognition… was not on. Neither was the fingerprint scanner.

Huh. Okay. Try an old password? 5023. 1998. 2112. None worked.

Locked out of my own phone. Waking up in a supply closet. Dressed in clothes that weren't mine. Occam's razor. I was dreaming. That was it. Simple.

Great.

I didn't do something like slap myself. I liked dreams like these. They usually didn't end in my untimely death but more of a fun adventure that my brain would conjure. It was times like these that I would wake up and marvel at just how creative dreams could be, they often led to fun ideas that I would jot down or write about later.

So of course, this left just one option. Exploration.

I turned around and pushed my way out of the door to the closet. Anything could be on the other side. Anything. There could be a great talking lion on the other side. Maybe a witch, a white one or one of the west.

Was I in the wardrobe?

My innocuous wandering mind aside, a clinic was not something I expected.

"Zenith. You're done already?" A voice called to me.

The call of my own name caused me to straighten my back involuntarily. "Yes?"

"Oh. Good. Can you bring me my bag?"

My eyes naturally fell to the middle of the room. There was a bag, too big to be called a purse, on the center table. It was the only bag I could see, but I liked being safer than being embarrassed.

"Sure. The big one or the small one?" I asked the woman.

That got me a strange look from the woman, she was at the side of what I could only assume was a patient. "Did you get me a new bag?"

"Nope." I said, before grabbing the only bag and bringing it over to the raven haired woman.

If there was one thing I hated over everything else, it was being looked at like I was stupid. I'd much rather say weird things to fish for information and get weird looks than ask questions other people consider stupid. Luckily, this method usually worked. Dreams weren't an exception, apparently.

The bag was much heftier than it looked. A peek inside revealed a variety of medical tools. Not exactly surprising, all things considered.

"Put it on the stool next to me."

I did as the… doctor instructed. For what else could she be? And placed the bag down. She grabbed a few things out of it, namely a roll of gauze- ah, wait. That was a compression wrap. And started to wind it around the patient’s exposed ankle.

I didn’t do much, nor did the doctor ask much from me. Was I some sort of nurse? Assistant? There were a few other things that I noticed as the doctor went to work. The room I was in wasn’t a normal hospital or clinic. The beds the patients were on were literal beds, not the usual kind someone would normally find. The bits of metal that held the curtains between beds had browning of rust on them, but they weren’t dirty.

It was more of a home clinic than anything official.

The doctor was pretty. I couldn’t really think of any other word to describe her. She was older than I was, probably around her early to mid thirties, but that did nothing to detract from her appearance. It seemed to only enhance it, with her dark-blue hair framing the sides of her face well. Her eyes were red- not as in bloodshot, but more of the iris itself being red. She had a beauty mark just below the right side of her mouth, one that had the side effect of drawing my eyes towards her lips.

“All done Agatha. Thank you for being patient." The doctor said after finishing up her wrappings.

The patient, Agatha, gave a smile and clasped her hands around the doctor’s. “Thank you as always, Natasha. I don’t know what we would do without you.” And then turned towards me. “And you Zenith, it’s always a treat to see you helping around.”

I probably shouldn’t have been so surprised to be addressed, but I really didn’t do anything. “It’s nothing. I hardly did anything.” I waved her off.

“We’re just glad you’re okay.” The doctor, Natasha, said.

Natasha. Natasha Natasha Natasha. The name sounded familiar. I couldn’t quite place it however, as it seemed just a tad out of reach. It would come to me eventually, either during the dream itself or after I woke up.

Agatha propped herself up using my support and with the assistance of a cane, made her way outside of the clinic. It was the brief flash of the outside that caused me to pause.

Outside the clinic was… dim. But I had the distinct feeling that it wasn't night. The ground was dark, as if it was made of chiseled rock rather than concrete, and the building across from us seemed old but still in use. The nagging sense of deja vu started to rise up within me. I was not a fan.

“Natasha.” I said out loud, moreso as a test of the word in my mouth, rather than actually addressing the woman.

“Yes? Everything alright Zenith?” Natasha said, turning my way after organizing the patient’s bed. The vial containing some sort of green liquid made a soft jingle.

I chewed on my lip for a moment before shaking my head. “Nothing. Do you need me for anything else?”

Natasha tapped a finger against the side of her face for a few moments as she thought. “Not for here. Can you track down Sampo instead? We’re supposed to be getting a shipment of supplies but there hasn’t been any news of that yet. I want to make sure everythings fine.”

Sampo. Right. Another name that was familiar. “Any idea where he is right now?”

“Check by the boxing ring. He mentioned a few days ago something regarding gambling. I’ll send him another text but he’s not responding.”

I nodded. “I’m sure I’ll find him eventually.” I said it more confidently than I felt.

“Thank you, Zenith.”

“Anything for you.”

There were no stars in my dream. Instead it was a great chasm that extended heavensward. The ceiling of it was visible, but it was more akin to a panther’s eyes in the darkness. Visible but surrounded by the void from all sides.

I didn’t like it. It felt odd, there were too many details and too many people. The town, whatever it was called, was clearly run down. There were tools strewn about on the sides of the road, pickaxes and shovels, along with wooden crates and boxes that made for a makeshift resting place for some of the folk who were laying on the side.

In some odd way it reminded me of a city near my home. It was a wealthy city, with companies and skyscrapers everywhere. But if you took a walk through the streets, especially at nights, you would find sights similar to this. Things casually strewn about, people resting on the sidewalk.

I got nods from people I made eye contact with, some of them even waved. I didn’t wave back, but I did nod to acknowledge them. Typical city behavior, act like you belong and no one will question you. The first life lesson one can learn when living in a city.

The second would be to never take your hands off your belongings. One that I employed gratuitously now. I had the feeling that wouldn’t happen to me, but that could simply be fake confidence from living next to the city my entire life.

Finding the boxing ring didn’t really take that long. Finding Sampo there took even less time. In a room full of people dressed in the same worn down garb, he was the only one who stood out with his pristine looking armor. The fact that he had blue hair, and seemed to visibly wince when we made eye contact only helped a tiny bit.

When I took a step towards him, it was as if Sampo’s entire demeanor changed in an instant. Gone was the man who was previously casually watching the matches and in its place was a customer service machine.

“Well well if it isn’t little Zenith. How may I help you today?” Sampo asked me, his smile was blinding.

“Well well well, if it isn’t little Sampo.” I shot back. The ‘little’ he added to my name irked me just a bit.

“Oh finally decided to get a sense of humor eh? Did Belobog warm up or is this just a special day?”

Belobog, another name I filed away. I had a not so sneaking suspicion of what was going on and it was really only the fact that I was in the middle of something that let me keep moving forward.

“Natasha is wondering where the supplies are. She said you weren’t checking your phone.”

Sampo fished out a broken device, it was the tool in question. “Some kid shot an arrow straight through it. Almost took out my lovely behind too! Alas, I have some wonderful padding in the area so I am unharmed.” The man said dramatically.

I frowned. “Oh.” I felt a little bad about the phone but… “The supplies?”

“One track mind, always good to have.” Sampo sighed. It seemed to be more for dramatic effect than anything else. “It’s been enough time that I can probably go back up and get them. You’re coming with me.”

“What? Hey!”

I barely had a moment to process his words before he started to take off. While I wasn’t that much shorter than him, the fact was his strides were longer left me half-jogging to catch up.

We went through some windy off-exit of the town and moved through the cavern. We made a small detour to pick up two relatively heavy crates and carried them with us. The path we were taking certainly wasn’t a main one, as there weren’t any lights along the way. It was cleared, meaning it was possible that it was intended to be one, but it never got around to being paved.

The relative silence that we were in let me think about my circumstances. I felt uneasy about the entire thing. Everything felt too connected. Too coherent. My dreams always had a plot, but it would often jump around here and there. This one felt like it was stretching on, and my sense of time wasn’t distorted.

What was I doing in the start of this anyways. Smoking? Was I on a break?

I didn’t like it one bit. It put a gnawing sensation in my stomach, a familiar feeling of anxiety buzzing through me.

“So supplies…” I started a leading sentence, hoping for Sampo to fill in the blanks.

“Ah, ah ah. No talking during this part.”

I pursed my lips. “Not even a little?”

“You know the drill. Wait till we’re up on the surface. I know Natasha has been keeping you playing nurse in her clinic but Oleg is busy and you’re able bodied.”

“Right.” I sighed. There goes that idea for fishing for information.

It didn’t take us much longer to break ground. Or… surface, in this case. The first thing I noticed was just how bright everything was. The snow combined with the sun nearly blinded me. The second was the chill. While it was moderately cold in the cavern below, the air was stagnant, much unlike the biting winds up here.

At the very least my attire kept me from freezing over. My tights especially seemed to cling to heat and-

Oh.

Thermal tights. The shorts and tights combo made a lot more sense now.

“What?” Sampo asked.

I looked at Sampo in confusion before I realized I said my last thoughts out loud. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t need you going crazy on me while we’re up here.”

I huffed and shook my head. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was already the case. Didn’t need others thinking it though.

There was a bit more walking to do, but we eventually came to an abandoned city district. Two girls- short women, I corrected myself, were sitting down with three big boxes side by side. They were talking to each other but stopped and got up when they saw us.

“Hello my gallant friends!” Sampo greeted them.

The dramatic nature in which Sampo spoke garnered a sigh from the purple haired one, and a giggle from the blonde one.

Their names were on the tip of my tongue. “Hello… Pela. Lynx.” I said to the duo.

Pela nodded my way. “Hello Zenith. And… Sampo.” The way she said Sampo was as if she were talking to an insect.

Lynx cracked a smile. “Hi Zen, Sampo.”

“You wound me. After all this time and yet I’m always met with such… chilly reception.” Sampo gasped in mock hurt.

Pela visibly cringed at that. “If you weren’t causing us so much trouble then maybe I’d be a little happier.”

“Alas. Such is the way of life.”

Pela sighed. “We don’t have much time. Cocolia has the guards on lookout for a trio of people. Apparently they committed some sort of crime right under her nose. I’ve already been here too long, I had to fend off people asking where I was during this.”

For some reason that got Sampo’s attention. “A trio? One with pink hair, One with silver hair and one with black hair?”

Lynx was the one that answered. “Yep. That’s them. Geppie is in a tizzy trying to find you and also having to deal with them. But I think lady Bronya took over for the three stooges.”

Bronya. Another name I recognized. I chewed on the inside of my lip.

Pela coughed. “Anyways. Without talking more about the situation with the guards in front of someone who’s currently wanted. Here’s the medical supplies you all needed.” She said, taking the box from my hands.

“Thanks.” I said. “Here’s the… stuff.”

Dumb. I should just stop talking. I’ve basically been winging my interactions with everyone up until this point.

The shorter blonde woman laughed. “Geomarrow, Zen. I swear you forget what it’s called every time.”

“Did you finish your next book?” Pela asked me as I was reaching down to pick up one of the boxes of medical supplies.

I paused for a second to process the question, before shaking my head. “No. Sorry. Not yet.” I fibbed.

It was redundant to comment by now that I had no idea what sort of person this dream-Zenith was, but hearing that she was similar enough to me at least caused it so that the curve balls thrown at me were all within striking range. Full books though? Dream-Zenith was ahead of me.

“Hmm. Oh well. If you need some feedback you can always shoot me a text. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Of course.”

Sampo was oddly silent throughout the entire exchange. I say odd, but the reality was that I had no idea how he was normally. He didn’t strike me as the type of person to stay quiet like that though.

Our respective duos dispersed afterwards. Sampo carried two of the boxes while I carried one. I waited for him to lead the way back to the tunnel towards the underground, but he stayed still and silent, as if he was contemplating something.

He didn’t get long to do so however, as a riot of noise started to come from a few blocks off. It was the distinct sound of fighting, a sound recognizable by anyone, from anywhere.

Sampo made an annoyed click with his mouth. “We have to check that out.” He told me.

He set down his crates and I followed his example. Moving quickly towards the noise, we maneuvered through the abandoned neighborhood until we got right up and personal at the scene of action.

The names came easily now.

Dan Heng, March 7th and Stelle were there, fighting off a squad of guards. Bronya was in the back, delivering orders to them but it was clear that the trio was doing a good job at holding their own. Whenever a volley of attacks were focused on the trio, March 7th would use whatever sort of magic power she had to shield them from attacks. Some sort of ice barrier. Dan Hen would move in after, taking advantage of the space and creating an opening for Stelle to follow up with.

Honkai Star Rail. That’s what this was.

I played it on release and finished the story. But I gave away my account to my friend afterwards since I needed to focus on real life.

I had known for some time now, but it was different enough that I could deny it. People didn’t look the same face to face as they did on a screen. I hoped that this was just a dream. A very realistic dream.

“Should we help them?” I asked Sampo.

“Not-”

Sampo cut off his response mid sentence and yanked me closer to him by my collar. I nearly gagged at the sudden jerking around and I could feel my anger flare, until there was a whizz of something that flew past my ear, cutting just shallowly into my cheek.

The object bounced off the building behind me and lost its momentum. It came to a slow roll in front of my feet and allowed me to take a look at what it was.

A bullet.

I slowly put my hand up towards my face and winced at the sudden flash of pain, blood was oozing from it slowly and stained my hand with a thin line of it.

“-Yet.” Sampo finished, giving me only a glance.

I’d like to say that I wasn’t freaking out. That my mind wasn’t running both a million miles a second but also frozen in place at the turn of events. But it was doing exactly that. My heart was pounding inside my chest and my veins felt colder than the biting winds.

The fact that I could have died loomed over me, but what loomed over even that was the fact that this was not a dream. The anxious seeds from before had only blossomed in full.

My hands were stained red with reality. And that terrified me.

Chapter Text

So what exactly is magic?

Well. Magic magic, aka sorcery is another thing altogether and THAT is pure insanity. I didn't learn there was actual magic in the universe until much later in my journey. This wasn't along the lines of say… a certain book series set in britain. Where the magic goes from small little tricks to instant killing curses. But more along the lines of a video game. Where gigantic city leveling spells that could cause doomsday were within the scope of possibility.

I cast fireball. Roll 8d6. Something like that.

Uh. That's not relevant though. Magic in my terms, is really just aeon bullshit. Everyone is favored, or more in tune naturally to one of the Aeons. And while this doesn't necessarily mean your ideals or personality will line up with what your attuned Aeon (I think the correct word is path), more often than not it does.

Of course, you can also swap paths. But that's a whole other bag of worms to open up and frankly, I'm not a scientist. The last science class I took was some general ed course that I did just enough work to pass with a C.

I'm losing myself, again. Basically some people are more attuned to paths and are able to borrow power from said Aeon. Some people are less attuned and can't, essentially making them normal humans.

Get it? Got it? Good.

Remember this. It'll be on the test.

What test? It'll be a surprise.

Chapter 2. I realize that I'm me.

In my own not so humble opinion. My biggest strength was my intellect and ability to analyze situations. Keeping calm and moving forward was included in that.

I had done theater for an entire decade in the span of my school life. I stopped in college, but the number one rule had stuck with me even outside of that.

The show must go on.

This meant that no matter what happened. If a prop broke, someone got sick, people forgot lines, technical difficulties, no one showed up.

The show would go on.

Obviously this wasn't a concrete rule for amateur or student theater like the kind I participated in. But it was always imperative to at least treat it like it was. It was expected and considered rude to not. Some people didn't take things as seriously as I did, but I had another reason to do so. I felt a certain thrill after finishing a show. A moment of pride that I rarely felt. Knowing that I had given it my all.

On stage I always felt cold. Like my veins had chilled and everything evaporated until it was just me and my scene partner left. This left me ready for anything. Any hiccups would be dealt with and everything would work out.

Right now, with blood trailing down my cheek, I was in that mode.

My heart was thundering in my chest. I could feel my head spinning so quickly that I felt a sense of vertigo despite standing still. How was I supposed to act in this situation? I had never been in a fight before. How should I react? What should I do?

Nothing. This wasn't my fight. I could recognize that. I simply hid behind a corner of a building, away from the possibility of any ricocheting bullets.

Sampo moved forward, unbuckling some things from his belt. He waited for a bit before moving out of my sight.

I couldn't hear what happened next even if I wanted to, my ears were still ringing with adrenaline from my near death encounter. I waited with each moment stretching into infinity. It wasn't my fight. I had no experience. I would just be a hindrance. I repeated these last few lines in my head, convincing myself to stay out. Because I knew my place. Right now I don't need to take the stage.

Fuck.

Why was this happening to me?

I didn't know how long I stood like that, staying back like a bystander. But Sampo eventually rounded the corner once more.

"Yo. Care to help out with this?" He said to me.

I stared at him for a beat, before nodding. When I moved back onto the main site of the skirmish I was met with the unconscious forms of the three stooges and the commander of the silvermane guards.

Bronya, March, Dan Heng and… Stelle. I committed their faces to memory. It was an odd notion, considering I knew them already. But it was still worthwhile to do so.

My pulse was still rushing, but I had an inkling of what Sampo wanted me to do. This was only proven correct as he quite literally slung Stelle over his shoulder like she was a big bag of rice. He picked up Dan Heng and carried him princess style while I did the same with March. Bronya was balanced between the two of us, we basically were dragging her feet, a fact I should have felt bad for if I knew her better.

Surprisingly, March was light. Very light. I could have sworn she was made of feathers because I had more of an issue making sure I didn't accidentally snap her neck from stepping down too hard on the ground and jostling her than actually carrying her. Or maybe I was just stronger in this weird universe than my normal.

It's not like I really did any working out at home. The most exercise I got was when I went to the city and had to walk from place to place.

What if Not-Zenith was the person who worked out? Did I swap bodies with her?

Wait.

That was not a train of thought I wanted to go down.

If I wasn't me. Then who was I? Did I even look the same as before?

Such thinking caused anxiety to build within me once more. The adrenaline had long worn off as Sampo and I made our way back down the underground tunnel. Distracting myself with March's pretty hair only worked so well for so long, and the need to look at myself in the mirror only grew with each passing moment.

I could feel myself reaching a critical point before I forcibly distracted myself with other things. Like the future.

It was one thing to think about how I knew how things should go. It was another to think about how things went in the heat of the moment. I knew intrinsically that if I was in some sort of weird world where things followed the Star Rail storyline, everything would turn out alright. But with things in front of me, happening before my very eyes. It was impossible to dedicate a portion of my brain to that task. To recalling a story I had read once and barely thought about afterwards.

If my superpower was having an eidetic memory then maybe it was possible. As it was, I was just a normal human.

"Thinking really hard huh?" Sampo asked me.

I spared him a glance, my thoughts having been broken by the talking. "What happened to the no talking rule?"

"Ah well. That doesn't apply to me."

I scowled at him but Bronya's head separated us. My nose twitched at the faint scent of her shampoo. Her silver hair was distractingly pretty, even unconscious as she was. I felt creepy for noticing it.

"Hmph." I settled on instead.

"Ah there it is. The classic Zenith special."

I nearly stopped moving if it wasn't for the fact that we probably would have dropped Bronya if I did. For some reason I felt oddly offended. As it was I simply kept my mouth shut and continued to trudge forward. There were too many things to parse and process.

Like those medical supplies. We left them behind on the surface because of our additional baggage. Someone would have to go back up and get them. I had the feeling we needed them.

From what I could remember about the story. The underworld and overworld had been blocked off for at least a decade at this point. But Pela and Lynx were very obviously from the surface, meaning contact was being kept. It made sense to think about. The surface needed geomarrow since, if I recalled correctly, it was used in a lot of machinery or to create those heating machines. While the underground needed other things to survive. I never thought so deeply about it before.

Of course there was still contact. Belobog was a symbiotic city split into two. It could function without the other part but not for long.

"What are we going to do about those supplies?" I asked.

"Well someone's gonna need to go up and get them eventually. You should probably take the time to text someone now."

Great. Back on the topic of my phone. I hadn't exactly gotten a chance to take a few more guesses at the password. I'm sure by now the timer lock had worn off.

"...My hands are full." I deflected.

"You can put her down. She's not made of glass."

I sighed. "My phone isn't working." I confessed.

"Seriously?"

"Yes. I'm having issues with it."

"Huh. I guess today is neither of our days."

You can say that again buddy.

To her credit. Natasha only paused for three whole seconds when we walked in with four unconscious bodies before she immediately went into doctor mode and ordered us to set them in various places and positions inside her clinic. If that wasn't a sign of professionalism and experience then I don't know what is.

Luckily for them. Them being the three trailblazers and the princess. None of them were really hurt besides a few minor scrapes and bruises. I suspected that even those were mostly caused by whatever method Sampo used to knock them all out.

It was hardly even fifteen minutes later when Natasha finished up with them all. Efficiency was the name of the game. I sat by and watched while Sampo gave a brief rundown of the things that happened. When she heard everything she was silent before nodding. Afterwards she turned towards me and approached. I winced, half expecting to be scolded for something I did.

But she instead cupped my cheeks with both of her hands.

"Huh?" I said (I did not squeak.)

I was more than a little mortified when I could feel the heat rush to my cheeks. Or how my heart started to pound in my chest, this time in a completely different manner than earlier.

"Your cheek is bleeding. Let me clean it." Natasha told me, gently wiping my cut with a swab.

Oh.

God I needed to get a grip.

"Thanks." I said simply.

Pretty women would be the death of me. It didn't matter what universe I was in.

Luckily, or perhaps simply mindful of what she caused, Natasha didn’t mention anything about my reaction. Sampo snickered quietly in the corner. I ignored him.

I was practically forced into bed by the doctor. I didn't like the fact that I couldn't be alone. Even if no one was particularly looking at me and I had been reduced to essentially just another patient, I was too aware of everyone's movements. I've always been picky about such things unfortunately. I've never been able to sleep well with a partner unless I trusted them explicitly because of this too.

I was a mess. Physically and mentally. Being in a bed only seemed to highlight such defects. I wouldn't be able to sleep in such a situation so of course my mind decided to wander.

My first course of action was recalling things I could remember, but I quickly discarded that. It didn’t matter what I could remember, could I even change anything? Did it matter if I could? Was my path set in stone or something I could forge. There were so many different parts to think about that trying to follow a specific timeline was useless, especially with how many things I already have realized weren't mentioned. Meeting Pela and Lynx was probably the highlight of that.

I could use what I recalled to help me, but I wouldn’t let it guide me. I was myself, always have been and always will. I’ve lived my life in this way since I could remember.

Next I…

My mind blanked and I just let myself stay there in bed for a few seconds. I sighed.

I was exhausted.

If this was a few years ago. I might have given up on everything on the spot. I was out of my environment, out of my world. My universe. This wasn’t a dream. I turned myself around a while ago. But this was something else.

I pushed myself out of bed.

I was exhausted but I couldn't just stay here. I had to move or do something. Otherwise my mind would wander into territory I didn't want it to.

More than it already did at least.

My movement didn’t go unnoticed, as Natasha scolded me almost the second I got out of bed. But I was able to wave her off, saying something like how people in the medical profession are the worst patients.

An accurate statement considering how my ex was, who was a nurse. But it didn’t do anything to stop the disappointed look Natasha gave me. Frankly, I wasn’t quite sure if not-Zenith was actually a nurse at all or was just someone who helped out around the place, but I’m sure my message still worked.

Sampo had disappeared at some point while I was in bed, even if it was only a few minutes of laying down. I was about to follow suit, but stopped when one of the four people knocked out by Sampo started to stir. It was Dan Heng.

Natasha gave him a rundown of everything that had happened and explained to him where he was, something that was repeated when March 7th woke up soon after. I wasn’t quite sure how long they had been traveling together but they seemed to come to a consensus pretty quickly and nonverbally about what to do, as the two of them set off outside of the clinic. I wasn’t given more than a glance as the two of them passed by me.

This left just Stelle and Bronya under the care of the little clinic. Natasha passed the time by cleaning up whatever sort of tools she used to treat them, and I passed the time by watching her work. Occasionally there would be movement from one of the two, in which I would check over them, but at least a full half hour passed before the next one woke.

I was the closest person nearby when Bronya woke up, having moved over to check on her, which of course led me to receiving a rather harsh glare upon the lucidity of the woman.

“You. Do you happen to be working with…” She started off with a harsh tone of voice, one that quickly deflated. “...No, you aren’t. I apologize for my accusation. Please tell me where I am.”

I blinked twice in surprise. The tonal whiplash wasn’t something I was really used to, but Bronya had apparently picked up something that got me off the hook of whatever she was accusing me of.

“We’re in the underground. You’re in a clinic.” I told her. Natasha was… nowhere to be seen. She must have disappeared to go do something in the time that I wasn’t watching. This left me to give a rundown of what had happened to the princess, in a manner similar to the one Natasha had given Dan Heng and March. She was surprisingly agreeable when I mentioned to keep the conflict to a minimum.

I suppose I shouldn’t have been so surprised, considering who she ends up being and her actions to get there. But as I’ve said before, it’s one thing to see it on a screen and another to see it in front of me.

After being explained the situation, Bronya, like the two before her, chose to exit the clinic. Just as the princess was about to leave, the doors blew open and in came a woman with long purple hair. Her outfit vaguely resembled a butterfly, and I knew immediately who she was.

Seele had chosen to appear.

The two women gave each other a side-long glance before Bronya stepped out. Seele didn’t give so much as another look to her before she planted in a corner and crossed her arms. I assumed she was waiting for Natasha.

I waited around for the doctor to appear, and when she did I chose that time to make my leave. I wasn’t sure if I could handle meeting another big character already. I could feel how my heart was pounding already and I hadn’t even spoken to her yet.

As I passed by Seele, much like with Bronya, I got a single side glance and a nod. I responded in kind before the doors closed behind me and I was met with the underground once more.

I refused to admit just how long it took to get to my own apartment, but I would let it leak that it took more than an hour. I wandered rather aimlessly until someone that I knew apparently took pity on me and asked me what I was doing. I had to grit my teeth when I got a look that basically questioned my sanity, but they pointed me in the right direction.

At the very least, I had a mirror.

It was old, and cracked in multiple places, but it was clearly polished and did its job. It gave me a chance to actually look at myself and solve the mystery of who I was once and for all.

The answer it gave me was a little shocking.

I was me, body and all. I wasn’t in some sort of different body or swapped places with some girl who was supposed to be me. It was me. The lone scar beneath my chin was proof of that. I had gotten it when I was young and split my chin open upon the concrete.

I reasoned that if my mind swapped with someone else, I would likely have scars in other places. But my skin was as it was normally. My hair, something that I took great care of, was still silky smooth.

Ugh. I didn’t want it to get all worn out and gritty. A very stupid worry considering there were so many other things that took so much more priority than anything else. But it was easier to worry about the small things than having an existential crisis.

I shook my head. Too many things to think about.

The only real conclusion I could make was that I swapped places with whoever was from this universe. Or… I replaced them, rather. One of those two. There very clearly was another Zenith, one that was not me. One who was similar, but not the same. Close enough that no one had immediately noticed any difference, likely helped by the fact that I had basically improvised the hell out of everything up until this point, but not so close that no one noticed I was not their Zenith.

Then again it’s a little unbelievable that someone you knew had been essentially body snatched. If that’s what had happened.

Sampo had commented something about how ‘that’s the classic Zenith we all know.’ Or something along those lines. Meaning I had been acting out of character up until then, but only just.

Going upon that thought process meant that I just needed to keep acting the same way and no one should overly suspect something was wrong. It wasn’t as if I was acting that differently than I normally was back on Earth, perhaps a bit quieter and less snarky than I usually would be. But that was more because I was essentially trying to be a supporting character without a script. Everything I had to work off of was what others were saying and doing.

Star Rail was helpful, but didn’t mean anything when it came to interacting with other characters. It followed Stelle, and when Stelle wasn’t nearby then I was on my own.

I figure that if I simply keep acting how I am now, I could ease into being myself eventually. But the question that followed that train of thought was what did I want to do with myself after? Would I try to get home? Could I even get home? Was my Earth the same Earth in this universe?

I gnawed on my lip. There was a way to confirm such a thing, and conveniently the key was right in front of me earlier.

The Astral Express.

They traveled across the stars. If I could join them and visit Earth… that was easily my best chance to get back home. It was a really crapshoot plan, but I couldn’t see anything else I could do.

God. After finalizing everything inside of my mind, I could once again feel the exhaustion of everything start to set in. Intuitively, I knew that it was rather late, but I still wasn’t tired. I knew that if I sat in bed I wouldn’t even be able to sleep, but the weight of everything was bearing down upon me in full force. I had to do something.

If I couldn’t sleep I should at least familiarize myself with the place. I had done that a little when initially attempting to find my home, but having more than one point of reference was nice.

I didn’t expect that only five minutes after I had started to explore the underground, I would walk face first into Stelle and Bronya, literally colliding with the taller of the two women. She was sturdy and barely budged when I walked into her.

“Hello there.” The protagonist said to me.

“Hi.” I replied back simply, making a conscious attempt to not seem utterly baffled at my (mis)fortune.

“Hello again.” Bronya spoke.

The three of us stood there in silence before the not so quiet conversation between Natasha and who could only be Seele attracted our attention. They were around the corner, and I only approached them because I was swept into the moment by the other two women. It wasn’t until a bit more listening in that I knew the contents of the conversation. The underground was lacking in medical supplies.

I realized then that the supplies from earlier today, the ones Sampo and I left behind to grab the quartet of people, were very much needed.

“Oh. I think that’s my fault.”

I didn’t notice I said that out loud until four different sets of eyes settled on me.

Ah damn. Maybe I should have just tried to sleep instead.

Chapter Text

I know what everyone’s probably thinking.

"Why don't you have some sort of superpower and aren't extremely overpowered? Where's the gradual growth starting from zero and becoming the strongest being in the universe?"

I'm… actually not sure if people are thinking that, but upon writing in this journal I can certainly imagine some people wondering that.

Firstly, and foremostly, my superpower is in fact a very ordinary power. The ability to have a poker face and think through situations. Mundane? Yeah. But I did not join an improv troupe for several years to not be able to bullshit something to someone's face.

Secondly, that part about being the strongest being in the universe? Hasn't happened yet. I guess if I'm still writing this that means I'm still alive which means it could potentially happen. But I'm planning something much more specific than that.

Lastly, while I don't know about fate. Destiny is a confusing and convoluted topic. But I will love you regardless.

Destiny can never take you away from me.

My dearest memory.

Chapter 3. Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

Realizing that I might or might not have been the reason for bad things to happen to people, even if not necessarily straight away, but perhaps in the future did nothing but cause a sense of guilt to well up in my stomach. Which was odd, because I normally didn’t feel guilt.

Not to say that I’m incapable of feeling guilt, but rather I never do something that could make me feel guilty. Everything I did back home was something I did for me and myself, and I made sure that everyone was aware of it. But now, it had only been around a half a day, but I’d already did something that affected others.

Introspectively I knew that I couldn’t exactly do much about it, an unfortunate situation had occurred and I needed to help take the four people down into the underground, but I had an opportunity to go back up and get them.

Natasha seemed to be able to sense my thought process because she told me it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault, I knew that, but it was my responsibility. There’s a big difference between the two that other people might blur the lines, but I knew there was a clear distinction.

“Regardless of who’s fault it was. The fact remains that we still need some medical supplies. Other towns are worse than ours and until the next shipment arrives we need to work by ourselves.” Seele spoke up.

Bronya looked contemplative and Stelle was silent. Natasha gave the two of them, and inadvertently me as well, a rundown of their background and the plan. Fragmentum had seeped into one of the towns that had previously been evacuated, but the supplies should still be there.

“Seems simple enough. I’ll help.” The silvermane guard (wasn't she a captain?) volunteered.

“Simple…” Seele rolled her eyes.

Bronya frowned at that, and looked to want to say something, but Stelle interjected.

“I’ll come too. The more help the better.” Stelle said.

I had the feeling that she spoke now rather than later so as to stop whatever brewing conflict was so clearly rising between Bronya and Seele.

There was a tiny bit of pressure knowing that the two I had accidentally tagged along with were so willing to throw themselves into danger for others, but Seele shot me a look before speaking up.

“Who said you two can come? I’m not trusting my back to someone I’ve barely even met.” Seele protested.

I knew when conversations were over before they even began, and my role in this conversation was done. Seele clearly had her reservations about this and even me who knew her (by technicality) wasn't spared from her judgment.

Obviously because I was oh so clearly a non-combatant but that fact was hardly relevant.

Natasha smoothed out the rest of the conversation, taking control and easing the rising tension in Seele. The quartet managed to come to an agreement that they would scavenge the neighboring town that had been swallowed by the fragmentum, and that I would stay behind and inform anyone where they went.

That was fine by me. I had an objective in mind and they would be fine gathering those supplies on their own. Hopefully.

There was more than a good chance that I wasn’t thinking straight. This wasn’t out of the ordinary, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again that pretty women would be the death of me, but rather than any one person that I latched onto to make a bad decision; This one was entirely my own fault.

Going back up the twisting path to the surface wasn’t anything too difficult. I was very good when it came to remembering directions based on landmarks, but absolutely horrid when it came to street names. Turn left on 18th Street? Oh you meant the corner where the old cafe that the old couple owns?

Yeah. At least there weren’t any cars here.

Or… at least not underground. I vaguely remembered there being trolley cars on the surface but-

That didn’t matter. What mattered was that the surface was its usual biting frost temperatures, but I was feeling rather warm despite it all. I wasn’t sure if I had just gotten used to the terribly cold temperature by now or that the thermal wear that I had on was better than what I had back in my own reality.

Probably both. My face was still relatively cold after all.

My objective in heading out to the surface alone was simple: Go back to the site of action and retrieve our lost supplies. Nothing else needed to be done and there didn’t need to be any shootout between guards and trailblazers. Go in, get the stuff, get out.

Simple and clean. Almost sounded like a drug deal with how I described it.

It was not simple, nor was it clean.

I had taken care of what Natasha had asked of me, namely alerting people to where they had gone, but the one thing that I didn’t expect was the darkness of night to shroud my path the second I got onto the surface. Only the forever burning shine of the streetlights kept my direct path illuminated.

That made it not simple.

The other thing that was standing in my path, was the fact that there were guards stationed in pairs on the street. They certainly weren’t there earlier, and were most likely stationed in this section of the Fragmentum due to the fact that there had been an altercation (And what they probably perceive as Bronya’s kidnapping).

That made it not clean.

And so, I turned right back around and went back to the underground.

If there was one thing that I had learned in the day that I had been lucid to the fact that this was reality and not some sort of dream. It was the fact that if you fucked around, you would find out.

I would not be getting a stray bullet to my skull if I could help it. My own mortality was something I had been made painfully aware of and it was not an experience I planned on repeating. Getting home was my motivation, not dying on a frozen rock of a planet.

Even if it was a nice frozen rock.

The trek up and down the hidden road that connected the two layers of Belobog wasn’t a long one, but I did feel significantly more exhausted than when I came up. It was largely a waste of time, but it gave me reason to focus on other things. Such as the other Zenith. The other me. Apparently they had written a book or something? Pela mentioned asking for the next update and I had rolled along with it.

I found it in my apartment. A book, well worn by the wear in the binding, but still new based on the state of the paper itself. If anything it seemed to be less of an actual published book from a printing press and more of a personal diary just from the state of it. That made sense, after all. I doubted the underground had anything like a printing press readily available to every John and Jane Doe, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the primary method of distribution of books down here were tied to our phones.

Opening the book I found an author’s note on the inside cover.

To Me, Myself and I.

Do our memories make us who we are? Or is there some innate blueprint that guides us towards a predestined personality? Are we the product of our experiences or do our experiences cause us to be greater than the sum of our parts?

I don’t know the answer.

But I’m going to find out.

My dearest Zenith.

Thank you.

Incomprehensible. Complete and utter nonsense. It felt like a letter directed to me. To ME and not Zenith. Even if we were one and the same, to address a letter to yourself was nothing short of some strange attempt to seem cryptic. Something not out of place in a fan work, but for a published finished one…

The worst part of it all, was the fact that I could picture myself doing such a thing. Ugh. What was wrong with me? Did I know such a thing as shame?

…No. Not really.

As such, I flipped to the next page. Taking in the title and beginning to read my own book in hopes of understanding myself just a bit more.

It started in a blur.

I was running somewhere, hand in hand with someone. I’m not sure who She was, but I knew how important She was to me. The most important person in my life. I would kill for Her, and die for Her.

She was everything to me, even if my memories held gaping holes in them, as if someone had carved out sections with a knife and left only vague impressions and emotions.

“We have to keep moving.” I said to Her urgently.

She was exhausted, her breaths were labored and came out in deep gasps. I knew She wasn’t one for physical activity, and at this moment it was none more evident than ever.

What were we running from? Who was out to get us?

"P-please Zenith. I need a minute.” She gasped out.

I pulled Her a bit more, just enough to hide around a corner and allowed myself to peek out from it. I had to ensure we weren’t in any immediate danger. It didn’t seem like it, as I couldn’t see nor sense anything, but I didn’t let my guard down.

Kneeling next to Her. I checked over Her condition. She seemed fine, just woefully tired. I couldn’t tell how long we’d been running for, but I knew it wasn’t some insignificant amount of time.

“Are you okay?” I asked Her.

Something about what I said set Her off. She reached up and cupped my cheeks, letting me practically rest between her soft palms. In any other situation I might have been flustered, but the adrenaline running in my system blurred my reaction.

“Zenith. Are you dreaming?” She asked me.

I blinked. “What?”

Information about her filtered into my system and immediately was cut away. Her eye color registered into my mind, only for it to be taken from my grasp before I could hold onto it. It was the same with her hair, the color and style, all slipped through my senses.

I couldn’t identify a single piece of information about Her except for three small dots of pink, white and orange underneath one of her eyes.

“You are…” She whispered. “You need to wake up.”

“I-I don’t-”

“Shh.” She placed a finger on my lips. “I know. But I’ll be waiting for you.”

For some reason terror grasped at my heart. Like there was a cold hand clutched around the organ that circulated blood around my body, chilling my entirety.

“I can’t leave you.” I pleaded with her.

We just had to keep running. Everything would be fine. I didn’t have to wake up. If I woke up I would leave her alone. She couldn’t-

I couldn’t do that to Her.

“You’re not. But the others need you. So for for now, just-

WAKE-

UP

“-already Zenith. Don’t make me pull you out of bed because you know I will.”

I gasped and practically flung myself upright, nearly falling off my bed in the process. The book, my book, takes a tumble to the floor as I do so. It lands closed, with the title facing straight up to the ceiling.

Seele was in the door to my apartment, watching me with undisguised amusement. I couldn’t help myself from scowling at her for the rude awakening. I didn’t take her for one to participate in schadenfreude but I didn’t doubt that I was probably one mess of a sight.

I straightened myself out, tugging on my clothes to get them back to where they belonged from their disheveled state. Flashing someone was not in my to-do list.

“You couldn’t have woken me up without yelling?” I complained.

“I’ve been trying to wake you up for the past five minutes. Five entire minutes, Zenith.” Seele deadpanned.

I coughed as an excuse to break eye contact. Five minutes to wake someone up was a long time. Even I could admit that.

“Sorry, I was dreaming about something.”

“Better have been a good dream.”

The dream was… slipping away from me the more I tried to grasp it. I couldn’t even remember any specific details about it, only that I was with someone very important. The more I tried to think about it, the less I could recall. It was like sand falling between my fingers.

Seele continued. “We’re finished up with gathering the extra supplies. It was a hassle and led into a few other things that ended up taking nearly half a day, but we came out learning a few new things about the Supreme Guardian and why she locked us down here.”

I frowned. Nearly half a day? How long did I sleep for? I remembered starting the book, and the next thing I knew I was dreaming and being woken up by Seele. That was half a day?

“Is there anything I should know?” I asked her.

Seele shrugged. “Nothing that’s so important that you have to be told right now. Natasha can probably do a better job explaining things than I can.”

I nodded. Natasha and… “What about Bronya and the trailblazers?”

The Wildfire member scratched the back of her head. “They’re resting before they go back to the surface. What they uncovered was apparently a top priority for them.”

A familiar feeling of anxiety gripped my heart. “They’re going already?”

“Yep.”

It’d only been a day or so. The hours were blurring together, but I knew it couldn’t have been that much more or less than that. I feared that if I lost my chance to tag along now I wouldn’t be able to catch up to them. If that was the case, then my chance to board the Astral Express and find my way to Earth might be lost.

I refused to let that happen.

Making sure to pick up my book, I stuffed it and anything I might need into my bag. A bag that I didn’t know I had prior to searching my apartment for the book, but a bag that I was glad to have nonetheless.

“What are you doing?” Seele asked me, confusion evident.

I stopped after I crammed some extra bandages and disinfectant I had lying around into my bag. “Leaving.” I said.

“...Leaving? To where?”

“The surface.”

“What? You’re leaving the underground? We just got the weekly drop yesterday?”

I could understand her confusion. It was only natural. If I were to be in her shoes and someone I knew one day told me they were leaving and started packing their bags right in front of me, I probably would have reacted the exact same way. With confusion.

But I wasn’t her Zenith. I wasn’t Belobog’s Zenith. I was me, myself and I. My decision had been made up only a few hours into realizing I was stuck in a completely different world, and reading the only thing that the other Zenith had left for me, I realized what I needed to do.

Her phone was locked, and whatever was left of the other Zenith was there. But I couldn’t access that, not yet. Perhaps not ever.

Our memories clearly weren’t shared. People knew me but they didn’t know of me and I didn’t know them. Any attachments were one-sided at best, selfish of me to admit but I at least acknowledged it.

And the book. The one thing that really linked me with her. I knew as I read it, what she wanted from her life was the same as what I’m doing now. Zenith wanted to leave just as much as I did at this very moment.

It was evident even as early as the title of her book. She didn’t want to spend her days here, in the underground, with nothing to do but help out at the clinic and write. Otherwise, her life would wither away and just be-

Like Fading Stardust

Chapter Text

I was once told that the most powerful ability any regular person can have is honesty. Being honest can move mountains, rally troops and cause revolutions. To be honest is an armor, for once people realize there is nothing deeper than honesty, they'll be forced to confront the truth.

Or it can be used to tell your girlfriend that yes, that outfit does cause your love handles to peek out and it's adorable and that I want to grab them. My ex did not appreciate that.

My bad. Live and learn.

The second most powerful tool is the ability to bullshit and act like what you're saying is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. To toe the line between truth and fiction so much that it's indecipherable to anyone but yourself.

This was the one I was good at. Very good, but unfortunately it's a double edged sword that can quickly turn into habit. Lie so much and your entire web can come undone from the smallest of things.

They're like two extremes of the spectrum, most people fall in between truth and lies, but for a large part of my life I fell into the liar extreme. Why? The reason doesn't really matter, it was childish when I started but quickly became second nature. Then I lost a relationship because of it when I turned twenty and I swapped to the other end of the spectrum, being utterly and completely honest.

An honest note to anyone who even reads these. People absolutely despise you when you are honest about everything. Most of the time this can be circumvented by not butting your head into every single conversation with your opinion on whatever the heck people are talking about, but on the occasion you’re directly asked your opinion? Out of luck.

Bright side is, honesty makes you some good friends.

My ramblings have meaning. I swear. They'll all make more sense later on. Maybe not now, but… in a few chapters I’m sure.

Chapter 4. In The Wake Of Lucidity

Natasha took my declaration better than I expected to. Although, it was hard to have expectations regarding a person’s reaction when I’ve only known them for about a day. I remembered vaguely from the game that she was a kind, understanding but firm woman, as she needed to be to run not only a clinic but also an orphanage.

She told me that she expected it somewhat, that if there was ever a time where the underground and overworld get reconnected, she wouldn’t be surprised if I was one of the first people out.

I wondered what that meant for Zenith. Did she so fiercely declare her intentions to one day remove herself from this cave? Or did her intentions leak out when she published that book of hers?

It was impossible to be truly sure unless I outright asked, but that wasn’t something I was going to do. I disliked asking people such things and letting people know anything that might clue them in that I’m not their Zenith was something I wanted to avoid.

Seele was different, I still didn’t know our relationship from before. Was I just a helping hand in Natasha’s clinic? Or was I considered a friend to her? She wasn’t that outspoken of a person, and it was difficult to get a read on her, but she was vocal about her opposition of me going topside.

I wasn’t a combatant. That much was clear. I knew that from my heart, and perhaps one day that would change. But the truth was that I would just be a burden in a fight.

And their plan? With what they learned about Cocolia?

It almost seemed like an inevitability.

Natasha however, bless her beautiful demeanor, shut Seele down. Told the purple-haired Wildfire member that it was my decision and that she needed to respect it. Seele backed down, and before long the trio of Trailblazers were up and about and ready to leave.

The only doctor had to go back to her clinic, so she wasn't with us to greet them. Sampo, on the other hand, was there seemingly out of nowhere and decided to stick his rat's nest of hair where it didn't belong.

Well, I mean I guess he did belong because he was ALSO a member of Wildfire (I think), But the notion remained.

If there was one thing that I noticed between the trailblazers and Wildfire, a strikingly huge difference that certainly wasn’t there when I last saw them all together, it was the fact that everyone seemed much more relaxed around each other. Seele even offered a greeting rather than glaring at them from the sidelines.

“How did everyone sleep?” Seele said, starting off the conversation.

Dan Heng, a person whom I hadn’t yet actually heard before, was the one to respond.

“Good.” He said stoically.

Stelle gave a mock salute. “Well rested and ready, captain.”

“Well well well. Look who it is. The Heroes of the underground! Pleasure to be in your company once more.” Sampo said, shattering the relaxed atmosphere to what only could be described as… Sampo-vibes.

“...Did you rehearse that?” March said, exasperation clear on her face.

Stelle facepalmed, an action that I mirrored. I really wouldn’t be surprised if he actually did rehearse it, but I figured that he was more than well versed in improvised theatrics that he didn’t need to.

The conversation flowed to what I generally expected. Bronya had gone back up earlier, a fact that Seele and Natasha told me when I revealed my decision to leave, and Sampo was here to help guide them out of the underground. Oleg was acting as the de-facto leader, which was as much of a surprise to me as it must have been to the trio of trailblazers upon learning that Natasha was the real leader of Wildfire.

I didn’t let it show on my face when I learned of that handy fact in the moment, but I was clearly forgetting some details regarding the game. Not a good sign, as my memory was probably my biggest asset at the moment.

“...Also Zenith will be joining you all upon your ascent. What she does past that is up to her. Please take care of her.” Seele said out of the blue, alerting my drifting attention back into the conversation by mentioning my name.

I blanked for a bit. I didn’t plan on telling them just yet. Rather I was going to tag along with Sampo to bring them to the surface, but fuck. Improvisation. I was good at it, so might as well.

“R-” I coughed, my body moved to say something before my brain fully caught up, and my throat did not like it. “Right. Sampo, Seele and I will be taking you up to the surface, but I was… hoping that I could join you three while you searched out Cocolia.”

Perhaps… I could wait to mention my intentions to actually join the Astral Express. I sort of glanced over it when I explained it to Natasha and Seele earlier, because there wasn’t any real way to explain how I knew such things and the three trailblazers weren’t exactly forthcoming on the fact that they would probably accept new passengers. From what I could tell they really only told people that they weren’t from Belobog and that they wanted to fix things.

So yeah, waiting on that for now.

The three trailblazers shared a glance, as if they were communicating nonverbally. Stelle gave a very visible shrug, practically deferring the choice to the two more experienced ones. While March seemed to take that as her queue to make a decision.

“Of course you can join. Just be careful if we have to get into fights. I can protect you but don’t go rushing into danger!” March said, smiling at me and giving me a pretty wink.

I didn’t realize how much my pulse had sped up in anticipation of their decision. It was only a few moments, hardly longer than a handful of seconds, but I could feel my body relax upon the confirmation.

But that was good, it was progress. Intertwining myself with the ‘main cast’ was certainly a recipe for disaster, but it was something that I felt that I needed to do. My memory of events was spotty, but I could recall that they didn’t really do anything that threatening until they encountered Cocolia herself.

A few scuffles with guards sure, but it wasn’t as if they were monsters. I doubt the guards would target a non-combatant like me.

…Well I didn’t need to think about that right this moment.

“Thank you.” I said genuinely. “I’ll try not to be a burden.”

Dan Heng gave me a nod, I couldn’t quite tell if he was disinterested or if he was simply that stoic, but Stelle gave me a bright smile and a thumbs up.

With that out of the way, the rest of the conversation wrapped up quickly. Seele, Sampo and I, accompanied by the trio of trailblazers made our way to the surface.

One thing that didn’t change, or at least didn’t seem to change no matter what world, universe or time, was that cities all seemed to be similar to each other. Not in the sense that their architecture is the same, or technology, but in the sense that cities were made of people and people generally stuck to the same rules in larger places.

That is to say, no one would ever bother you if you held your head up high and walked straight.

If you look like you have a purpose, and you walk like you have a purpose, no one would stop a person who has a purpose. That was the unspoken rule of the city.

I don’t know how to explain it to people who aren’t used to big cities, but that’s just how it is.

Sampo had given me a few things before we parted ways on the surface, mainly a bag full of various mischievous tools that is way too much to unpack without having a bunch of extra space (seriously how did he pack so much in one little bag?), but I doubted he would break the rule of the city.

Dan Heng also complied with the rule of head high and walk straight. Though to me it felt more like the general aura of ‘don’t talk to me or I’ll glare at you until you go away’ did most of the work. He was the one who made the executive decision to visit Serval over Gepard when our party read Bronya’s letter.

March and Stelle… sort of accomplished it. And by sort of I mean Stelle got distracted by something shiny that was in a trash can, went to go see what it was and then March had to get her back on track. They basically did it in reverse, where instead of wanting no one to bother them, everyone else didn’t want to catch their attention instead.

Seele was the worst offender, not that I could blame her. She couldn’t remember a single thing from the last time she was on the surface, an entire decade without seeing the sun (more like raging blizzard) was bound to get anyone a little star struck. Regardless of the circumstances, she was already getting a few stray looks from people. Not exactly optimal when every single person in our party was probably on a wanted list in some way or form.

I elbowed my fellow underground coworker, who half-glared at me in confusion.

“Eyes forward and head straight. People are staring.” I said without looking directly at her.

Seele did what I said. “How do you know how to blend in on the surface?” She asked me.

The real answer was that I used to live right next to San Francisco, one of the biggest cities in America. I couldn’t just tell her that, though. “I come up here often for supply drops.” I said instead.

“Not this far into the city. Only Sampo goes this far and that’s because he breaks protocol.” I could feel the frown on her face without needing to look. “Also you don’t come up here that often.”

“Keeping tabs on me now?” I shot back, deflecting in hopes of getting around the fact that I didn’t come up here nearly as much as I thought I did.

“If I didn't, what sort of friend would I be?”

I didn’t have a retort for that. I felt strangely… guilty, with how she said it. Even if it wasn’t my fault, I wasn’t her Zenith. I didn’t have the same experiences and memories. And although I knew that when I made my resolve to leave this frozen rock, hearing the term of endearment just hit that point home even more.

What would she think when I revealed that I was planning on leaving with the trio in front of us? What sort of condolences could I offer that weren’t just excuses and half-explanations?

It felt like a snag on my heart, tugging and bringing me down. I was saved from giving any real proper response by the fact that we had reached Serval’s workshop and she had opened the door to let us in.

“...Thanks.” I said quietly before I stepped into the building, away from the cold of the outside.

I wasn’t quite sure what I was thanking her for, but Seele seemed to understand regardless.

The more time I spent in this world, the less I understood about my alter ego. I hoped that this wouldn’t be a recurring thing.

Serval looked every bit like her younger sister, just much more mature and 'punk-like'. Her dark blonde hair went past her shoulders, and the single streak of blue was eye-catching. She had a labcoat-esque design for her top, that had half the coat and half a frilly black top. There was a portion of her stomach showing, highlighting a purple lightning bolt of a tattoo on her hip that flowed into her miniskirt-shorts-tights combo.

I… may have stared much longer than I should have, and Serval definitely caught on. The wink and smirk she silently gave me lit my face up brighter than a christmas tree, but I tried my best to shake it off.

My weakness to pretty women was rearing its head, and Serval's punk-gothic dress was a double whammy.

I refused to take blame for my staring. Every girl had her weaknesses and mine was the fact that prior to my transmigration I didn't go out much and as such my tolerance to meeting hyper attractive women (so literally every single character) was non-existent.

Ugh.

Moving on.

Serval explained her past with Cocolia and as a researcher, along with what she knew of the Stellaron. I didn't have much to say. I could vaguely remember some details from when I played the game, but it was as much as a refresher as it was learning new facts.

There was a difference in hearing about how Serval and Cocolia grew apart to my face, rather than on a screen. It was… more real, obviously. But the actual pain that it caused Serval was evident in how she recounted things, even if her tone was kept level.

All it did was reinforce how this was reality, and not some sort of dream. The people who I interacted with weren't just characters, but real living breathing human beings. I knew that, and it wasn’t like I went through some big epiphany to realize it, but taking a step back and actually thinking about my situation made it all seem so ludicrous.

In all honesty it gave me a headache.

Gepard made an entrance at one point, prompting us to hide away like stowaways during a routine inspection on a ship in the 1800s. Serval’s workshop was surprisingly spacious, the illusion of it being smaller than expected was likely due to the large pillar in the middle full of tools and trinkets.

Her acting could use some work, but it got the job done. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect from their relationship, but it didn’t seem like they had a bad sibling relationship, just a little strained when it came to certain topics. Gepard being in silvermane guards, working for Serval’s… ex(?) seemed like a conflict of interest.

It worked out. Though there was a moment after Gepard left where tensions between Seele and Serval rose over the thought of what Cocolia was doing to Bronya, but it was smoothed over when Stelle redirected our objective to actually infiltrating the fragmentum to find the stellaron.

The fragmentum itself was different, in a way that I didn’t know how to explain. It was as if the air was stagnant, or stale despite being in the open. Like there was an aching feeling of age and decay just by being in the area. I could tell the second I crossed over the threshold, like I passed over an invisible barrier.

Was it meant to keep us out? Or something in?

I only had a brief chance to ponder my thoughts of the fragmentum before I felt a familiar vibration coming from my pocket. After nearly an entire twenty-four hours of not bothering to think about it, it took me a few beats to identify that it was my phone.

My phone that I couldn’t unlock. Luckily, I could at least answer calls without needing to.

There wasn't a number listed, only an "Encrypted Number" displaying. It gave me pause, but I wasn't going to let that squander answering a call when I couldn't access it otherwise. If there was one thing that could give me some idea of who Zenith was, it was her phone.

I answered it, putting the device up to my ear. “Zenith speaking.” I said.

The group gave me a brief glance, before focusing back on the path through the fragmentum.

Rather than any sort of response, all I got was… static. Like the kind that one would get when tuning into a blank radio station. Sounds of electrical mish mash repeated for ten seconds before it abruptly hung up.

I frowned and stared at my phone, confused as to what that could possibly be. Spam, maybe?

“Who was that?” Seele asked, when she saw me pocket my phone. “Natasha?”

I shook my head. “No, it was just static before it hung up.”

“Huh. Weird.”

“Might be the fragmentum messing with the signal. It does that sometimes.” Serval gave her two cents.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. It was probably just my anxiety combined with the off-putting nature of the fragmentum, but I felt like it was deeper than that.

“Yeah, probably.” I said, choosing to put my foreboding feeling on the back burner. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Let’s focus on getting to Cocolia.”

Remembrance over each and every detail of what happened in the game wasn’t realistic, but it was comforting to know that at the very least we were following a general path of similarity from what I could recall. My knowledge cut off sometime around the middle of what happens in Xianzhou, as that was when I stopped playing.

Unfortunately, Belobog was the last time I would be able to be comforted by my own knowledge. I didn’t yet know it, but when a butterfly flapped its wings.

Everything would change.

How foolish of me to forget.

Chapter Text

If I had to pick a single thing that was a universal flaw in all creatures, it would be curiosity.

I can’t fully encompass my feelings in one annotation in a journal. But curiosity is both a boon and a bane. Without curiosity we would never push ourselves to boundless limits, breaking past barriers and opening up to the stars and above. What made a person, human, regardless if they were made of flesh or metal or not even anthropomorphic in form was their curiosity.

In my opinion, at least.

It’s a blessing, but also a curse.

The need, the hunger, the raw desire to understand things was present in all creatures but the voracity of that desire determined many things.

There was only one difference between geniuses and insanity. Success.

To people who needed to know, only few of them would ever get what they wanted. They would never be understood by those who were satisfied without knowing.

Bronya and Serval would likely never understand why Cocolia turned to the Stellaron instead of them.

Cocolia had something she needed to know. Her curiosity needed to be sated.

In that regard, Cocolia, Stelle and I all had things we held in common.

We all had things that we needed to know. Our curiosity, our innate desire as humans wouldn’t be satisfied until then. We all just had different ways to hide it.

Chapter 5. An Officer, Hiker, and Robot Walk Into a Bar.

When it came to the area that we were supposed to infiltrate, it was divided into three different zones. From what I understood, there was the area where our party was currently. I mentally categorized this as the ‘outer layer’. This was a fragmentum zone that was sanctioned off by guards and was regularly patrolled. Regular work would be done here, and the chance of running into any fragmentum monsters was practically none.

In the second layer, the ‘inner layer’ as I categorized it, was where the guards and regular patrols stopped. This was where the fragmentum was dense and thick. There was a good chance that it had a steady supply of fragmentum amalgamations. Corruption that had fused with people or corpses, turning them into something beyond humanity.

The third layer, the ‘core’ as I liked to think of it, was where the Stellaron was located. The party hadn’t yet located exactly where it was, even Serval only had a vague location, but I knew it existed and what it looked like.

Everwinter Hill.

I… didn’t need to think about that just yet.

Not yet. Right now I just needed to focus on the present.

Yeah, I could do that.

I had a thing or two planned just in case. Hopefully Sampo got everyone my letter. Hopefully everyone got here in time. Ah… I hated when things relied on hope. So many things could go wrong.

What if he couldn’t convince them? What if they refused to show up? What if they didn’t arrive in time?

Whatever. Wait and see.

Serval had gotten us through the door, metaphorically speaking. The best hiding spot was apparently out in the open, because the second anyone saw Serval and our ragtag group they hardly looked twice.

I couldn’t quite tell if that was because they knew Serval, because she was intimidating and most certainly radiating as much ‘don’t talk to me’ energy, or a combination of both.

Regardless, the outer layer of the fragmentum was a mess of pseudo-barracks, gigantic rotating gears that were a hassle to get through, and random robots everywhere.

Serval, and surprisingly (is it really that surprising when she’s the main character?) Stelle was the one who did most of the guidance, leaving Dan Heng, March, Seele and I to hang around in the back.

Seele used this chance to all but ambush me.

“So what’s up?” She asked me, quiet enough that the other two couldn’t overhear.

I blinked because I really didn’t understand the question. “...I’m sorry?”

She rolled her eyes and fixed me with a purple stare. “You. What’s up with you.”

I still didn’t understand what she wanted. “We’re… trying to find Bronya and Cocolia…?”

Seele sighed. “We’ve known each other for a long time, Zenith. I can tell when something is wrong.”

Oh. I… guess that made sense. I couldn’t just drop into playing a role and pretend that nobody would notice. I had thought that doing my best to be reactive rather than anything else would minimize any sort of suspicion, but that was wishful thinking.

These people had a lifetime to get to know Zenith. I had a day to pretend to be her. No prep, no study materials, no script; only a book and vague knowledge from a game. I didn’t expect Seele to be the one to say anything. I… didn’t expect anyone to say anything.

I licked my lips. The coldness gave it a fresh crisp. “What do you think is wrong?” I avoided the question.

Seele wasn’t having it. “Everyone knows something is wrong. Natasha knows, Sampo knows. Even Oleg knows and you’ve talked to him for about five minutes in the past twenty-four hours. You can’t act like you were half alive for an entire year after publishing your book and then suddenly turn around with more determination than I’ve seen you in ages the second three strangers show up.”

Half-alive? What in the world was Zenith like? It sounded like she was depressed. I could relate heavily, even if she wasn’t another version of me. I went through rough patches too, some of them were brutal.

But this conversation was like a land-mine. Ugh. I didn’t want to outright lie to her, because she clearly cared, but I couldn’t just tell her that I basically bodysnatched her friend.

“...Shouldn’t you be happy about this change?” I deflect instead.

Seele looked conflicted. “I am, Natasha is as well, that’s why she said yes to you going up. I just don’t understand why you need to. It’s dangerous up here, Zenith. You got shot yesterday!”

I chewed on my lip, peeling a scrap of dead skin off it. My lips felt a little raw at this point. She was right. I didn’t need to be up here. I could have stayed back and waited for everything to blow over. But if I did that and missed my chance to board the Astral Express, then what? I didn’t have a guarantee that I could talk to them after everything worked itself out. There wasn’t a guarantee that they wouldn’t just pack up and head off once things were worked out.

My objective had been made up and my resolve wasn’t something that was just going to waver. I was stubborn. I needed to get on the Express. I needed to get back to Earth.

And I needed to find out what happened to me.

“I didn’t get shot.” I point out. “It barely glanced me.”

“If you keep skirting around what I’m saying then I’m going to strangle you. Then you’ll really have a reason to stay behind.”

Well, I couldn’t fault her for that. I just didn’t want to lie to her. Not in such a blatant way.

“Would you accept it if I said this was something I had to do?”

“No.” Seele said bluntly.

“What if I asked why you have to be there for Bronya?”

That got a flush from her cheeks, but she refused to budge. “I can fight and take care of myself.” She pointed out.

“I can take care of myself.”

“You can’t fight.”

“So?”

“Why are you being so difficult?”

“Sorry.” I said genuinely. “...I don’t really know how to explain it in a way that you would understand.”

It didn’t make me happy to dance around someone who was just trying to understand. Especially not when she was just concerned out of the goodness of her own heart.

I could just do the callous thing and think of a reason and play it off. Tell Seele a lie and make it so she wouldn't feel the need to worry.

But that was heartless.

I wasn't going to tell her about my newfound identity. But I'd tell her, and Natasha, clearly about my plans to leave Belobog and why. That there was something I needed to do.

But not yet. She didn't need to know that just yet. Finding Cocolia and the stellaron was more important.

“Can you try?” Seele asked me.

“...After everything is over.”

“Guess that’s all I can ask for.” Seele seemed to accept that, because she relaxed with a sigh. “You really think this will all work out well?”

Now that I could answer honestly.

“Yeah.” I told her with a smile. “I know it will.”

“Heh. I guess I’ll believe you. You’re usually not wrong about these kinds of things.”

My first experience watching our group fight was frightently humbling.

They just… didn't need me.

I already knew that. It wasn't anything new to register. But when tensions between the guards and party rose to the point the fighting was inevitable, the only thing I could do was watch from the sideline.

Stelle was a heavy hitter with her bat. She could deal damage even through the thick armor of the enemy, or alternatively open up cracks in their guards for the more precise hitters to take advantage of.

Dan Heng was a sentinel of martial arts. His skills with his spear shone through more than ever, parrying any strikes and stopping any attempts to get at the backline. When the enemy overstepped, the point of his spear would strike true.

March was both a support and a sharpshooter with her bow. When people seemed like they would take a hard hitting blow, she would form ice as a shield. When Stelle or Dan Heng opened up a vital, March would fire a shot with her bluntened arrows.

Serval was a surprise. The guitar on her back wasn't just for show. Chords rang out during the battlefield that sent out literal bolts of electricity towards her destination.

Seele was quite literally a blur. She danced around the battlefield faster than some people could track her, attacking enemies both when they least expected it and where it hurt the most. She reminded me of a butterfly.

Dunn and his platoon put up a good fight but ultimately had no chance. The heavy bulk of his armor was a good match against the team, leaving him only vulnerable to his own overextensions and Serval's armor piercing lightning attacks.

But the reality was that their practice and formations were exemplary for monsters, but against other humans with critical thinking skills they were at the mercy of the cracks in strategy. Even I could see such a thing and I have no real experience.

When it was all said and done, the fighting had finished and the guards had surrendered, all that was left was to talk. I used that time to make myself useful.

If I couldn’t fight, I could at least help the team patch themselves up. My bag had a few supplies of the medical variety in it, but Sampo’s bag surprisingly had an entire section of things. My guess was that it came from his personal stash, as it even had things like alcohol swabs.

Serval had completely avoided any damage, courtesy of being in the backline. She and March went off to use the key to activate the power so we could connect to the inner layer of the fragmentum. While Stelle was the one who needed the most help, as she had a variety of scrapes and scratches from being up close and personal, especially when March’s shield couldn’t cover all the damage.

The silver-haired girl was quite tall. I knew this but being side-by-side and cleaning a scrape off her upper-bicep put things into perspective. She was practically an entire half-head taller than me.

“Thank you, Zenith. I’m glad you’re here.” Stelle spoke softly.

It was impossible not to be self-conscious after that.
I chewed on the bottom of my lip again. “Someone had to be sure you all were taking care of yourselves.”

To set the record straight. I was not a nurse, or anything related to the medical profession. My alter-ego might have been, I wasn’t quite sure; but everything I knew came from the fact that I dated a nurse for four years, later having to take care of my father when his parkinsons made it impossible for himself. In a situation like that, I picked up things that most people probably wouldn’t have to.

On another note, I could recall a few things that the internet might have said about the main protagonist of Star Rail. That they were goofy, soft-spoken but rather intelligent. All of this was true and demonstrated multiple times in front of my very eyes. But I remember hearing people speak about how she probably smelled like garbage because of how often she went through the trash.

Nope.

Describing someone’s scent was something I didn’t really want to do, but Stelle’s was unique. If I had to liken it to something, then I would liken it to a starry night. Where I could find a hill in a forest, far away from any sort of humanity; where the skies would be so clear that the constellations were in abundance and you could see the fog of the galaxy in plain view. The crispness of the air, the clearness of the sky. How everything around you was so very alive, despite being millions and billions of light-years away.

Stelle’s scent was of a starry night. Crisp and clear and so very alive.

“A-” I cleared my throat. For some reason words were having trouble forming. “All done.”

The protagonist flexed her arm and lightly wheeled it. “Good as new!” She shot me a bright smile.

I returned the smile and ignored the way her flexing highlighted how toned her arms were. Moving onto Seele, I noticed that she was giving me a very peculiar look.

“That was interesting.” My purple haired friend commented.

“I really have no idea what you’re talking about.” I said, focusing on the singular scrape she had on her knee.

“Mmhm. She’s quite handsome don’t you think?”

I made sure to not be slow and deliberate with the alcohol swab when it came to her. I was rewarded with a very satisfying hiss before I wrapped it in a bandage.

I had a tiny bit of gauze leftover, not nearly enough for anything practical. So of course I put it to good use.

“Oh look. There’s one more spot I missed.”

Seele furrowed her brow. “What? I didn’t get hit anywhere else-”

She didn’t get a chance to say anything else, as I quickly placed the small strip over her mouth, cutting her off.

“...” Seele stared at me in silence, even when the strip had fallen to the ground. She seemed baffled that I had even done such a thing.

It reminded me of when my cats used to yawn, I would stick my finger in their mouth and when they closed it they would be shocked, as if they couldn’t fathom that I would ever do such a thing. A betrayal of the highest magnitude.

I took that chance to move to Dan Heng. I caught him staring at us as he was finishing up his own bandaging.

“Everything okay here?” I asked him.

He nodded expressionlessly. The more I was around him, the more I could tell his subtle ticks. I wasn’t some master at reading people, but Dan Heng wasn’t emotionless, he just didn’t express it as openly as most people. In this case, I could at least tell he was slightly amused by Seele and I’s interaction from the way the corners of his eyes were slightly raised.

That was a point in my book. I’d consider that a win.

Serval and March returned soon after, having succeeded in their mission of reactivating the electricity in the zone and opening up our path to the inner layer. I wanted to wait a bit longer, but people were adamant on continuing.

Unfortunately things were rarely that simple, that tended to happen in family reunions.

Gepard did not look pleased when we showed up.

Serval was not pleased when he refused to listen.

If there was one thing to say, they were most certainly siblings. Their blonde hair, facial structure, blue eyes and even their personalities all screamed related.

The group already knew that it was very likely a possibility that we would have to fight Gepard if he were there and Serval couldn’t convince him. We expected it even. That didn’t mean we wanted to.

It was understanding, if not endlessly frustrating, that Gepard refused to budge on the matter. He was just doing his job. People trusted Cocolia, she was their leader and to think that she could be the one getting in the way of possibly solving the eternal freeze was nothing short of blasphemy.

Why would the leader of the last remaining bastion of humanity on this frozen rock try to get in the way of saving it? To anyone who didn’t know the truth, it was unfathomable.

Despite that, Serval tried her best.

She talked about how the stellaron was the item that was causing the eternal freeze, and how sealing it would bring about its end. How it was the cause of the ever expanding fragmentum and the source of the numerous monsters that patrolled the inner layer.

It was an honest effort, just too late. Cocolia had already planned around it, telling Gepard everything in her own twisted version of events. How Serval had been corrupted by forbidden knowledge. How she was bitter that she had been kicked off her post as a scientist of the architects.

Like a lightning strike against a castle wall. Immovable and unfazed.

I anxiously picked at the skin around my fingertips and glanced behind us. Still nothing.

The guards surrounding Gepard were already getting into their stances, practically ready to jump into a fight at a moment’s notice. The only thing they were waiting for was Gepard’s word. It was the same on our side. I could notice the subtle tensing in Stelle and Dan Heng, ready to get into position as soon as a fight broke out. How Seele was glaring holes into Gepard and the flexing of her fingers as if she was ready to bring out her scythe in the blink of an eye.

There was shouting between the two, anger rising. Gepard threw out his hand as if to command the guards and-

“Wait!” I spoke up, projecting my voice throughout the clearing and making sure everyone heard me. “Please. Let me speak.”

Gepard turned his gaze towards me. His hand was still out and ready to give an order at any second. But he didn’t make any movement.

When he didn’t say anything, I used that opportunity to continue. “Have you ever given thought to why she separated the Underworld and the Overworld?”

“What?” Serval was the one who spoke up first. Probably confused that I was going off script.

“...Where are you going with this?” Gepard asked.

I took a deep breath. The cold air chilled my lungs and cooled my blood. I could do this. Improvisation and bullshit was my speciality.

“Belobog as one entire entity is symbiotic, needing both the Underworld and Overworld to function in its full capacity.”

“Who are you?”

“I’m Zenith. Resident of the underworld.” I introduced myself. “And what I’m saying is that if both sides of Belobog need each other to survive, then why did Cocolia cut off connection ten years ago?”

Right. This was something that I had thought of before. In fact, one of the very first things that I did when I woke up in this world was go up to the surface to exchange supplies between the two sides. If the two sides were truly independent of each other then why did the surface constantly need a steady supply of Geomarrow? And why did the underground need a fresh supply of resources?

It struck me as off, but it made so much sense when you put more than any thought to it. They weren’t independent of each other. In fact, they needed each other to survive, because without geomarrow then any sort of machinations would break, and when geomarrow was used in practically everything and as a heat source, where else would they get it besides the mine?

I didn’t get to fully confirm my hypothesis until I was in Serval’s workshop, but it made sense.

And who would be conscious of the fact that the two sides needed each other to survive?

Cocolia, certainly. But she would rather pretend the underworld didn’t exist. That left some scientists like Serval, and people who actually exchanged the supplies. A rather exclusive group of people, and certainly not a group that Gepard belonged to.

I was accomplishing two objectives here. If I could convince him to stand down with just this, then that would be great. But stalling for time was also another one.

“...I understand that Cocolia blocked off the underworld a decade ago and that it wasn’t a popular decision. But she clearly had a reason to do so, and the fact that the city hasn’t collapsed means that neither side are codependent to each other.” Gepard stated after he had a moment to think.

Hook, line and sinker.

Got him.

Off to my side I could see comprehension dawn on Seele’s face.

“Is that your final answer?” I asked.

He nodded.

“I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but that’s not true. The underworld and overworld have been in constant contact with each other since they were blocked off.” I continued.

“...We would’ve known if that's the case.” Gepard countered.

“Some of you did. Otherwise how else would we have traded supplies? We gave you geomarrow, and you gave us food or medical supplies or whatever we happened to need.”

He frowned. “That’s-”

“Think about it, how else would most technology work when geomarrow is practically our sole energy source?” I interrupted him to push my advantage. “Serval’s an inventor, she can attest to that.”

Serval looked surprised at her sudden inclusion, but she confirmed what I was saying to be true.

The male Landau sibling looked to be off his game for the first time in the entire time we had been facing off. If someone wasn’t going to be convinced by words alone, then you had to present facts and things they couldn’t just ignore.

Gepard knew that geomarrow was the main energy source of Belobog. Everyone did, it was a fact as normal as how everyone wore some sort of thermal clothing. By attacking what people thought of as normal, you could get anyone to think twice.

So long as your argument had a basis to stand on, at least.

“Did anyone know about this? That we exchanged supplies with the underworld on a regular basis?” The Silvermane Captain looked to his fellow guards. All he got were a bunch of shaking heads. “No?”

He went quiet. I used that to keep up the pressure. “Ready to admit that something suspicious is going on with all of this? If Cocolia truly had everyone’s best interest in mind then why did she sever such a needed bond between the two?”

Gepard silence stretched into a full minute before he spoke up again. “Your words make sense. But if no one besides you can back it up, then I’m afraid we’re back to square one.”

Damn. I bit my lip. Did I push too hard? It wasn’t over just yet, but I didn’t really want to throw certain people under the bus. if I had to, however, then I would.

“Then… Pela and Lynx. They were the ones to exchange supplies with us most recently, just a few days ago.” I said, offering up the names of the people we exchanged supplies with.

“Wha- Both of them?” Gepard said in disbelief, before narrowing his eyes and glaring. “Bringing my family into this won’t do you any favors. If you thought you could break my composure doing that then I’m sorry to say this conversation is over. Lynx isn’t even a part of the guards.”

Really now? I clicked my tongue.

This always happened. Tell someone the truth and they spit in your face. “Call Pela, or Lynx then. Verify my words rather than just speculate.”

“Phones are unreliable in the fragmentum, especially this deep in.”

“Our phones don’t do that, do they?” I could hear March whisper off to the side.

“Belobog is nearly a millenia out of date from current IPC standards.” Dan Heng replied.

I ignored those two. “So you’re just going to give up and stand in our way when you admit that there’s something not right?”

“My hands are tied. I’m not leaving this post.” Gepard readied his weapons, the rest of the guards took that as a sign to get back into their stance. “And if you still aren’t ready to back off. Then you’ll have to get through me before you go any further.”

Our party took that as a sign to get themselves ready. Despite all that, he still wouldn’t budge. Damn.

Just when I could feel the tension rise to an apex, a voice called out.

“Weapons down, everyone.”

It was a familiar voice, and one that Gepard, Serval, and the rest of the guards recognized. I didn’t need to turn to know who it was. Despite the fact that I had only talked to her once before, she was who I was waiting for.

Talk about being saved by the bell.

“Pela?” Gepard questioned. “What are you- Lynx as well? And what manner of robot…”

Like the captain said, Pela, Lynx and Svarog all made their appearance. I turned around, allowing myself to relax for the first time since I initially spoke up.

“Sorry I’m late, Zenith.” Pela apologized. “I had to get the entire story first before I decided on what to do.”

Lynx, who was for some reason sitting on Svarog’s shoulder, gave me a wave. “I wasn’t expecting a letter from you, but I couldn’t just sit around and do nothing.” The youngest of the Landau siblings said.

Svarog, a robot who was almost double my height, pointed his mechanical gaze down at me. His single red eye shone menacingly, but didn’t offer up a word.

Stelle gave a low whistle from her place beside me. Dan Heng and March seemed to wordlessly share her sentiments.

Serval and Seele on the other hand, opted to stare at me in confusion.

“What? I wasn’t just going to be dead weight the entire time.” I defended myself.

Pela clapped her hands, gaining the attention of everyone. “Now then, are we going to continue acting like children or are we going to put our weapons down and talk things out like adults?”

Chapter Text

When a butterfly flaps its wings. It creates a hurricane on the other side of the world.

To you, Cocolia Rand.

The Eighteenth Supreme Guardian.

Chapter 6. Chaos Theory.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I fumbled into my shorts pocket and grabbed it, not bothering to check who it was before accepting.

“Zenith.” I said simply.

Static echoed from the device. It went on for a full ten seconds before cutting off, disconnecting the call.

I frowned and chewed on the inside of my cheek. That was the second time in a relatively short period that someone was trying to contact me. The fragmentum of course, clearly didn’t care about my grievances.

My hope was that it wasn’t anything important. I couldn’t come up with anyone that would want to talk to me besides possibly Natasha or Sampo. But they knew where I was and what I was doing.

Who knows? Maybe Belobog had its own pandemic of spam callers, though I really doubted that one. One could never be sure however, and lingering upon the subject in the current situation wasn’t helpful.

Seele and Stelle were beside me, each having completely polar opposite actions. Stelle was a bastion of tranquility, laser focused on the conversation between Pela and Gepard with nothing to showcase she was even alive besides the darting back and forth of her eyes between the speakers and the rise and fall of her chest.

On the other hand, Seele was the definition of anxiety. Her arms were crossed and she was glaring at the male Landau sibling. One of her fingers was constantly tapping on her bicep, and her foot was tapping on the concrete incessantly.

It was as if the fact that a fight didn’t break out caused her worries to spike. I wondered if she thought that we were wasting time, but I couldn’t quite be sure. Maybe she thought that she could just blitz through the guards and continue onward to finding Bronya. If that was the case, then what I did was a direct contradiction to that.

I hesitated on what to say, and at that moment Dan Heng and March came up to me.

“Impressive work.” Dan Heng complimented me.

“Yeah! I was totally sure it was going to break out into a fight, but you somehow got a guard to talk Gepard down! Also how did you get Svarog to come along? He refused to even so much as budge when we talked to him!” March gushed to me, her bright aura practically warmed up the surroundings.

“Uh-” I blinked, trying to think of an answer that made sense. “Well I was being honest when I was talking to Gepard. Pela and Lynx were the last ones to help us exchange supplies. As for Svarog… luck? I guess?”

I shrugged. How did I explain that I asked Natasha to deliver a message to Svarog on a whim, not even sure if he would come? Honestly I figured that if there was any way for him to come it was to bet on his analytics regarding the Stellaron, Stelle, and that Clara would be in good hands with Natasha. Other than that I really didn’t expect much from him.

“...Luck got Svarog to respond to you?” Dan Heng asked, something like disbelief in his voice.

“I mean Natasha and Seele gave me a rundown of what happened in the robot settlement. I just… constructed a letter using what I knew and what he might respond to.”

Foreknowledge didn’t have too much of a play here. In fact, my original plan didn’t even really account for Svarog. I was hoping that Pela or Lynx, just needed one, would be able to show up and let us past Gepard. Preferably getting us straight to the core of fragmentum in doing so without having to fight anyone at all. But when none of them showed up for the longest time, I figured I could let things run their course. Actually speaking up and talking to Gepard was a secondary plan that I had to bump up to primary.

Of course, if I just did nothing and let things play out how they did in the game, everything probably would have been fine.

But why even bother to come along at that point? Why bother to try to join the trailblazers? I refused to just be another body that people needed to protect. I would create my own merits for sticking around. I could give them a reason for them to accept me.

“Well, I think it worked out.” March commented, noticing the practically dissolved tension between Pela, and the rest of the guards.

“It would have been good to alert us that you had this in mind beforehand. But like March said, I’m also glad it worked out.” The lancer of our group said.

I was a little sheepish at that. He was right of course. “Yeah. I… just wasn’t even sure if it was going to work, to be honest. I had Sampo deliver the message to Pela and Lynx when he split off from us but I had no way of knowing if they got it.”

Dan Heng nodded. “Hmm. That must have been the phone calls you’ve been getting then.”

I… honestly wasn’t sure about that. Something in my gut said otherwise, but I nodded instead. “Yeah, probably.”

“I think they’re done talking.” Seele spoke for the first time in a while.

Upon looking, my fellow Underworlder seemed to be right. Pela was walking back towards us, while Gepard seemed to be ordering the rest of the guards to open up their blockade.

“All done here.” Pela said matter of factly. “I explained things to Gepard and got him to realize he was being unreasonable. Everyone should be able to pass through after this.”

“Yay! Time to catch up!” March exclaimed.

“Nice.” Stelle smiled.

“Thanks, Pela. I appreciate you coming.” I told her honestly.

The diminutive officer adjusted her glasses. “I’ve known how things are for a while now, and while I’m still not sure if you all can really stop the eternal freeze. We need to at least try, and I’m willing to bet on that.”

The other two who came with her, Lynx and Svarog, were instead off to the side and seemingly watching over the conversation. From what I could remember, Lynx wasn’t actually the most talkative to strangers, and Svarog was… Svarog.

Gepard came up to us and explained that we would be going straight into the heart of the fragmentum past the blockade. That meant encountering monsters, and corruption. There wouldn’t be guards out there unless specifically on patrol, which none at the moment were.

Understandable. Cocolia probably ordered them all to withdraw in her efforts to stop us.

Regardless, what was also explained was that the monsters would flood towards the gate like a horde of zombies (he did not use those exact words.) and would need to be supervised once open. Which meant that they didn’t really have the manpower to spare for us

With that information, the party started to discuss the plan moving forward. Seele wanted to charge in with everyone and head straight for Cocolia, whereas Dan Heng wanted a much more uniform party to take things slower when we were in practically unknown territory.

March seemed to support Seele’s idea. She seemed rather confident that we could take on any of the monsters, while Stelle supported Dan Heng. As I wasn’t really a combatant, I refrained from commenting. Which meant, it was really up to Serval.

“...I think I’m going to stay here.” Serval spoke up. “I’d like to help the guards.”

I… vaguely remembered this from the game. Most of it felt hazy until Everwinter Hill.

Nobody needed to ask why. It was clear that she wanted to help her brother and sister, and also… avoid Cocolia. I couldn’t blame her. I was also going to stay after all.

Dan Heng nodded. “Then we’ll proceed with my plan.” He said.

The four of them; Stelle, March, Dan Heng and Seele gathered up near the blockade door.

Before the door was opened, Stelle called out to me. “Why are you so far away, Zenith? We’re leaving soon.” She asked.

I faltered. I wasn’t expecting them to still want me around. It’s not as if I thought they disliked me, but I couldn’t fight. I would just be a burden against monsters.

My line of thought was clearly echoed by Seele, as she spoke up. “Huh? She can’t fight. This isn’t like the guards, fragmentum monsters don’t care who they’re attacking.”

“Y-Yeah. I would just be a burden at this point.” I pointed out.

March shook her head. “Nope! We would protect you regardless! You came because you thought you could do something to help. So you should keep going until you don’t want to!”

Seele frowned. “This isn’t a game. She could get hurt.”

Dan Heng nodded. “This is going to be dangerous. There might be points where we won’t be able to protect you, but if you acknowledge that then we would still be willing to take you along.”

“It’s your choice, Zenith.” Stelle said, fixing me with her golden gaze.

I swallowed. I understood that they were giving me an opportunity. But did I need to go? It was inarguably dangerous. I had gotten them here and managed to help persuade Gepard to stand down. Didn’t I do enough?

Licking my lips, I opened my mouth to respond. “I…”

Mechanical footsteps echoed behind me.

“The Record-Keeper will go. I will accompany her.” A mechanical voice interjected itself, cutting me off.

Everyone seemed surprised at the suddenness Svarog included himself. Stelle and March had their mouths dropped open. Seele rubbed her eyes as if she was seeing things, and even Dan Heng looked visibly shocked.

But none of them were as surprised as me. I swirled around so fast to face the robot that I nearly tumbled over myself and fell. It was only Lynx, who had somehow gotten next to me without my knowledge, that saved me from eating concrete.

“Careful Zen. Don’t want to ruin your clothes.” The youngest of the Landau siblings said to me.

“Uh, T-Thanks.” I muttered more out of reflex than anything.

“Svarog is a nice robot. We had a good chat on the way here. You can trust him.”

I blinked rapidly in an attempt to make some sense of the situation. “Great but, uh, why is he volunteering me to come along?”

Lynx only looked confused at my questioning. “He called you a record keeper. Aren’t you coming along because you’re going to write about what happens?”

…What? That… What?

I… had no idea what was going on anymore. This was not at all what I had in mind when I sent a message to Svarog. I wanted him here as backup in the event that things went wrong. Not for him to-

Well. Huh. Now that I thought about it. Isn’t that what he was doing right now?

Out of everyone, March was the one to recover first. “Awesome! We’ll totally win if we have Mr. Giant Robot with us!”

Seele seemed baffled. “What? First Svarog barely lets us leave the underworld and now he’s tagging along? This doesn’t make any sense!”

Dan Heng seemed to share her sentiments. “It would be unwise to rebuke a gift like this. I understand how you feel, but it’s a good opportunity for us.”

“I… guess?”

Stelle was silent a bit more, before shrugging. “Well then, welcome aboard Svarog. Nice to have you back, Zenith.”

“...Thanks.” I trailed off.

With that all somehow settled, and me somehow continuing along with the party, the gates were opened and we were immediately bombarded with monsters.

The extra firepower that came with Pela and Lynx, along with Gepard being our side meant that the multiple waves of the monsters ultimately weren’t that much of a problem. I did notice however, that Svarog didn’t exactly make any moves to help out.

Since I was a non-combatant, that meant I loitered around in the back, giving everyone else space to move as freely as they wanted without needing to keep me in mind. Svarog stuck close to me, as if I had somehow been designated a VIP that he needed to protect.

Which, he sort of implied earlier.

When the fighting was dying down and the monsters weren’t coming in wave after wave, I couldn’t help but ask the large robot a question that had been bugging me since he said it.

“Uh, Svarog?” I tentatively spoke up.

The robot didn’t say anything, but the way he angled his head towards me let me know I had his attention.

“You called me a record-keeper earlier. What did you mean by that?” I asked.

“...” Svarog was silent for a moment. His lone red light shining from his head bore down upon me. “Preservation is more than just survival. In the wake of a new dawn there must be someone willing to ensure that history is remembered.”

My head felt like it was swimming. “What? Are you saying that I’m that person?”

“You have always been that person. This should not be any new information, Zenith.”

I didn’t understand any of it. The more I asked the less I understood. I had always been such a person? He must have meant the other Zenith then… right? Svarog said that such information shouldn’t be new. Did that mean Zenith knew about this?

Who… was Zenith?

None of it made sense. How was she somehow connected to Svarog? Was she even connected to Svarog? Did Svarog not come because of the actual contents of my letter but rather because it was me who sent it?

…Was it because of her book? Lynx mentioned that she spoke to Svarog and that she thought it was because I was going to write about it.

Too many questions, and any answers just ended up splitting into even more questions. I had a feeling it all came back to Zenith’s book and her phone. But I’ve already read her book, and unlocking her phone didn’t seem feasible unless I could find out the password.

I sighed. I could ponder such things at a later date. The fighting between the party and the waves of monsters were finishing up. The ending to this seemed to be crawling closer and closer.

“All clear!” One of the guards who’s name I didn’t know called.

“Clear!” Echoed the rest.

I took that as the initiative to regroup with the rest of everyone. None of them seemed injured, only slightly winded at most. A good premonition if anything, as it meant that we could seamlessly head into the fray.

“Everyone seems to be okay.” I said.

“Good.” Serval said. “You all should head out before the second wave comes along. It’ll be good to get ahead of the monsters before they have a chance to gather up again. Hopefully you can catch up to Cocolia without much trouble.”

We nodded. It was hard to disagree with her when she spoke in a commanding tone like that.

Our group consisted of Stelle, Dan Heng, March, Seele, Svarog and I. We double checked things quickly before we headed off. I gave Lynx, Pela and Serval a wave before we all dashed into the inner layer of the fragmentum.

“Stay safe!” Lynx called out.

And so we were off.

Luckily we didn’t immediately run into another group of monsters inside the fragmentum. In fact, just based on the layout of the streets and buildings, it might not have been possible to even tell that we were inside the fragmentum.

Not unless the gigantic spirals of corruption gave it away.

The atmosphere, much like when initially stepping into the fragmentum, was different than the previous layer. Whereas the previous layer caused the air to feel stagnant and stale, this inner layer felt almost malevolent in nature.

As if the ground that I walked on didn’t want me here.

Ice statues littered the streets. Fully grown humanoid-looking ice statues. Frozen through and through in a deep blue. I felt unnerved just looking at them, as if I were to touch them then I too would be frozen.

Like Ice-Nine from Cat’s Cradle.

It was desolate in a way that was impossible to describe unless someone had been in a similar atmosphere. It was void of life, like a walk through an abandoned graveyard. The only evidence to the contrary was a toy snow-globe that Seele was able to identify as Bronya’s, and… an echo of the fragmentum.

Cocolia and Bronya had both been here, and recently.

It was one thing to see an echo of a person in a game. It was another thing to see it in real life. It was perhaps the closest thing I’ve seen to an actual ghost, and in a way it was. A ghost of the past.

“That’s a little creepy…” March commented upon seeing how the fragmentum imprinted memories of Cocolia and Bronya.

“It’s of no consequence besides telling us that they were here recently. It’s a good sign, actually.” Dan Heng calmly explained.

Seele seemed to be back to her anxious habits. She was staring at the snowglobe that we had picked up, holding it close to her chest while her foot tapped the frozen ground rapidly. It wasn’t needed to know Seele to see how evident the current events were eating away at her.

I should have comforted her, but Stelle moved ahead to the echoes. They reacted to her presence almost like a startled sentient being, only instead of running the voices of Cocolia and Bronya echoed.

They were talking, normally at that too. No threats, no violence, no one held against their will. Just a mother and daughter talking. One explaining her madness and one trying to understand.

Cocolia talked about how the Stellaron demanded the complete annihilation of the ‘Old World’. How by doing so it would lead to a new era that would rid Belobog of its struggle with the eternal freeze. How the ruins of the old would bring rise to the new.

And all Bronya wanted was to understand.

But she would never understand.

Because she wasn’t that type of person.

Bronya was a sensible, well reasoned woman. Someone who cared for others and extended that kindness beyond just her reach. She was a person who saw the best in others, who would go above and beyond to do her best and rise up to any challenge presented in her way.

On the contrary. Cocolia was curiosity.

She was likely kind, and caring. Almost certainly so, to have raised someone like Bronya. She taught others well, kept things in order, held onto responsibilities that were too much for one woman to handle yet did it without complaint. When three strangers from outer space landed at her front door she did her best to accommodate them, only to realize that they were a threat to her curiosity.

Cocolia needed to know what the Stellaron meant for this world. Bronya would never understand why.

It was clear that Dan Heng, March and Seele didn’t understand either.

Stelle though…

…It wasn’t time to think about such things. I couldn’t be sure of it just yet, I only knew her from the game and the few interactions we’ve had.

Kindred spirits were rare, but more often than not we clashed. Only time would tell.

“Let’s keep moving.” I called out.

March agreed with me, speaking out about how the gates were sealed so we should try messing with one of the generators in the middle of it all. Dan Heng clearly was reserved about touching stray things when the corruption was so thick, but conceded as we had little other option.

I understood him, at least. This was taking germaphobia and cranking it up to a twelve. If it wasn’t for the fact that there wasn’t a sink with soap anywhere near me I would probably have scrubbed myself raw. The corruption just felt dirty.

We came to the conclusion that we would need to power the generators located around the inner layer of the fragmentum to get passed the gate, it was an ordeal that passed quickly with a surprisingly little amount of fighting. When things did break out, I stepped to the back, away from the frontlines.

I couldn’t quite gauge what Svarog’s reasoning to be here was, but if I was to take his words literally then he was here as a sort of protector so I could oversee history. It was… nonsense and riddles if anyone was to ask me, but he took his role seriously because when one flying fragmentum bat got too close he struck it down and demolished it with a laser.

Other than that, he seemed to refuse to step in for combat.

Robots were surprisingly complicated despite how literal they seemed to be about everything.

When it came to turning on the generators, we were able to figure things out rather easily. By we, I mean Stelle. She seemed intuitively understanding regarding some of the contraptions that we had to figure out. Not that Dan Heng, March, Seele or I didn’t understand, but she was much more proactive when it came to figuring it out.

There was another echo of Cocolia and Bronya after we turned on the last of the generators. It didn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know, only that Cocolia refused to back down no matter what Bronya said. Dan Heng pointed out that the fragmentum seemed to be warping itself to Cocolia’s needs.

With that, we stepped through the gates that were previously blocked off. There were a few more battles with monsters, all of them that were dealt with quickly, before we found ourselves at the final steps before Everwinter Hill, and one last echo of Cocolia herself.

The very air around the Cocolia’s ghost seemed to be nigh physical in nature, and her words carried malice. It was like a recording came to life, where it attacked our party with spears of ice. Attacks against it didn’t draw blood or bruise, but caused it to flicker like a light struggling to stay on.

Seele got in the last hit, her scythe slashing across the echoes entirety before it flickered once and then disappeared completely.

The stairs in front of us only led up, and everyone could feel that this was the end of the journey. Everything hinged on this.

We would get through this, defeat Cocolia, seal the Stellaron, end the Eternal Freeze and then what?

I would go on my way with the Astral Express?

Seele and Bronya would lead Belobog to a brighter future?

The Overworld and Underworld would be connected once more?

It was… like a dream really.

“None of this feels real.” Seele said out loud, echoing my thoughts. “I thought I would be more nervous about this, but I’m strangely calm.”

Dan Heng and March seemed nonchalant about the whole thing, as if it was just another Tuesday that happened to be a bit more intensive than the others. I wondered if that contributed to both my and Seele’s calmness.

“...I wonder what Cocolia is thinking.” Stelle whispered. She likely didn’t even realize it that I heard it. I don’t think anyone else did.

“Hopefully everything goes well.” I gave my two cents. I knew it would. I… hoped it would.

“Is this sort of thing normal? Do you three often run into this sort of thing often?” Seele asked our three friends from beyond the stars.

“Not really!” March shrugged, as if she didn’t have a care in the world. “Every now and then but this is Stelle’s first adventure, she really struck a home run with it!”

Dan Heng… didn’t seem to agree with the choice of words, but didn’t contradict the message itself. “We try not to get caught up in things like this that could change the very fate of the world as we know it, but sometimes we have to make exceptions.”

“Reflection can wait, humans.” Svarog spoke up for the first time in a long while. “The Stellaron will not. Continue forward when you are ready, but I would advise haste.”

It was a sobering sentence. Svarog didn't get levity, he was a robot. He didn't understand, perhaps he knew of the concept, but he literally did not understand it the same way as us. That this small little moment of chatter was the calm before the storm. Everything else up to this point was nothing but waves.

But of course, he was also right.

We couldn't just wait forever. We had to push forward.

And so.

We went.

Up the stairs.

To Everwinter Hill.

The terrain changed, gone was the solid concrete and visible stone and instead replacing it was a walk of snow and trees barren of all life. Spires of corruption erupted from the snow, glowing like crackling embers. The blizzard was stronger than anything I had ever experienced, its biting chill sapped all feeling in any bits of exposed skin.

For some reason… I could feel a pull. As if the harsh conditions were nothing but a warning to scare away those unworthy. Even the three trailblazers were visibly chilled. They weren’t worthy.

But I was.

I was…

I…

My thoughts came to a halt as a searing pain raced through my head, so violent and sharp that it felt as if someone had impaled my skull with a needle. I faltered in my steps, nearly tipping over if March didn’t happen to catch me.

“Careful! It’s slippery.” The pink haired girl said, righting me back up.

I couldn’t respond immediately as I was still reeling from the sudden pain. It cleared up quickly, but it was like my bodily functions were restarting.

“T-Thanks.” I managed to say, my voice stuttering involuntarily under the chill. “It’s c-cold.”

There was a small moment of hesitation, almost as if they were considering to send me back, but I pushed forward and kept moving ahead of them all, dissuading them from speaking up and instead forcing them to follow me.

I needed to see this.

Before I slipped, I was thinking about something. Something weird. I couldn’t remember quite what it was, but I knew it was related… to what we’d find at the top of this hill.

For some reason it felt like there were a lot of things that would be answered by reaching the top.

We passed by a frozen structure the size of a house and shaped like a hand. A relic of the distant past. A past of seven hundred or so years ago, from a world that I wasn’t of until recently. A world that, if things worked out how I planned, I wouldn’t be a part of soon after.

I could almost… hear… it.

And when we finally reached the apex of the stairs, I saw it too.

Encased in a cage of metal, the Stellaron still somehow shone through. The golden rays, almost like sunlight, shone through like waves in an ocean. It was the sole ray of color in the wasteland that we lived in.

Like a singular beacon in the darkness of humanity. Reaching out and signaling hope for everyone nearby.

Why were we fighting against such a thing?

It obviously had the power to bring salvation to this frozen rock. We should just harness it’s ability and use it for the best. Cocolia was…

…Right…

I didn’t understand…

“Steady your gaze, record-keeper. Do not pay mind to its influence.” A familiar mechanical voice spoke next to me.

Another lance of pain wracked its way through my body. I convulsed minutely as I wrestled back control over myself. When the short moment of agony subsided, I realized the cause of my odd thoughts were the very object that I had just been near worshiping.

“The Remembrance’s words are poison, embrace my will, child.” Something whispered to my mind.

It was whispering to me, talking to me, trying to seduce me to betray my friends and use it’s power to bring ruin to Belobog. It wasn’t satisfied with just Cocolia, but it wanted me as well. Did it murmur into the minds of the others too? Or were they strong enough to shake it off without thinking twice?

I was livid, furious, for the first time since I’ve arrived in this god forsaken place I felt something that truly made my skin crawl and my blood boil. It erased any such hesitation that I previously had upon coming up to Everwinter Hill despite my status as a non-combatant, and put something very clear into perspective for me.

I would not just lay down and take it. That was the entire reason I came with the trailblazers in the first place wasn’t it? To put my foot in the door of the story and find a way to return home, and if I could, even change things for the better?

Maybe I was overestimating myself… but I had a giant robot by my side. I could afford to be a bit arrogant.

“...Fuck off.” I whispered right back to the Stellaron.

I could hear a screeching assault on my mind. Like nails on a chalkboard, only as if I had the world’s most isolated pair of headphones directing all that noise straight into my head.

It hissed at me. Like an angry cat. It would have been almost humorous if it wasn’t a world ending orb of condensed energy or whatever the hell Stellarons were.

“Scourge of the Glowswather. You’ll regret this.” It raged.

Next thing I knew, the air felt different. A heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders, as if the very presence of the Stellaron affected how my surroundings felt. I certainly wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.

When I finally was able to focus back on what was going on, no one seemed to notice my mental altercation with the Stellaron, our party and Cocolia were just finishing their conversation. I came back just in time to feel the ground shake more than I had ever felt in my life.

Prior to my transmigration, I lived in California. I was no stranger to earthquakes. But this was different, the very foundation of the hill rocked as if it was alive, like some gigantic being waking up from a deep slumber.

In a way, that was what happened.

Everyone else seemed to be just as surprised when Cocolia manifested a frozen lance and shards of ice scattered into the wind as a colossal metallic hand slammed fist first into pavement. It kicked up dirt, debris, snow and ice as it attempted to swipe at us. Sparks flew from friction with the ground and everyone scattered to dodge it.

Seele and Bronya were the closest to it, but their quick reactions safely got them out of the way. Stelle, March, Dan Heng all dodged it with ease, having more time to react to it. While I was all but scooped up by Svarog, who jumped backwards as if the extra hundred and twenty pounds of weight from holding me was nonexistent.

When the dust settled and the air cleared, the robot was staring down at us. Permafrost was settled into its joints, the pure white of the snow standing out amongst its metallic gray coating.

It was gargantuan, to say the least. There wasn’t anything that I could equate it to from Earth. It was as tall as a skyscraper and seemed to have no issues controlling its equally massive robotic limbs.

Facing down something of such size in a game was one thing, but in real life it was terrifying. It had no emotion, no sign of humanity, yet this was something that was created to preserve life? It had been twisted in its purpose by Cocolia.

I nearly collapsed from how hard my legs shook when Svarog placed me back down onto the ground. My heart was pounding out of my ribcage, and everything was a blur of white noise.

My vision was blurry, but I could see that my group immediately set to work on ridding the waves of fragmentum monsters that had manifested in front of us. Likely called in by Cocolia abusing the Stellaron’s powers. Even Svarog was participating, using the lasers from his hands as support to pick off enemies or cover weak spots from the rest of the group.

I took in a deep breath, letting the chill of the wind cool my blood and allowed myself to relax. I only needed ten seconds before my mind was clear once more.

Back to business.

“Svarog.” I muttered to my robot friend.

He didn’t respond. But I could tell he acknowledged me from the way the angle of his torso changed. It shifted towards me ever so slightly.

I licked my lips, feeling the cold chill my tongue. I tried recalling what I knew about the events of this battle. I wasn’t sure what I could play to my advantage, but I needed to at least try.

At the very least. I had a special mission for Svarog. One that I refused to not at least attempt.

The fighting was still going on, but Svarog was still able to hear me despite my low volume. I whispered to him the general gist of the plan, and what I wanted from him. Anything would be fine. It wasn’t a precise plan.

“...but you only have one shot.” I wrapped up what I was telling him.

“Affirmative, Record-keeper.” Svarog responded back.

The waves of enemies stopped soon after. The gargantuan robot fired off one more laser from its eyes, one that was dodged by everyone, before it lifted its hand once more in an echo of its initiating attack.

We all tensed, ready to dodge its swipe once more, before a lance of light pierced through the clouds and penetrated through the raised mechanical appendage. The ancient robot’s arm practically split into two, and it slumped over as a result.

A blessing in time, for sure.

“Himeko!” March cheered.

I nearly collapsed in relief. Sure I might have known that eventually there would be some sort of intervention by the Astral Express, but that didn’t change the fact that it was terrifying to all hell when a giant robot tried to use its hand like a fly swatter and you were the fly.

There was a conversation, one that I couldn’t hear as whatever technology the Astral Express used clearly didn’t extend to those who weren’t members of it. Or perhaps just not me. And they decided who would do the treacherous journey up the robot to confront Cocolia.

It was Stelle. Dan Heng originally volunteered, but Stelle insisted.

The next part I remembered vividly from my own memory. It played out before me like an immersive dream, accurate and life-like.

Stelle clamored up the deadened robot, traversing up its broken arm before its eyes lit up and it came alive once more. The movement as it rose shook the very earth I stood on, even more so for my trailblazing friend who was literally on it. The angle of it changed so that it was no longer possible to continue climbing and she began to fall.

I turned to watch Seele before she shot off. Her speed turned her into a blur, practically leaving afterimages in her wake. She rocketed upward the length of the arm and stuck out an arm for Stelle to catch. The two tumbled spun in mid-air, the breakneck velocity of Seele and Stelle causing them to circle before they swapped positions. Stelle shot back upwards and Seele pounced back towards the ground.

“You’re up next.” I muttered to Dan Heng.

I wasn’t sure if he heard me. I’m not sure what even compelled me to speak. But Stelle jumped and glided through the fingers of the giant as it attempted to swat her away. She leaped towards the platform, the shoulder of the robot, that Cocolia was nested away on.

But just so barely missed. If it wasn’t for Dan Heng’s spear, whom he accurately lobbed into the side of the robot, creating an object for Stelle to spin around on and keep her momentum, she would have fallen towards the unforgiving ground.

Fortune favors the bold, however, and such tragedy didn’t come to pass. She successfully climbed the robot and confronted Cocolia. None of us could see anything from our viewpoint, but we could certainly feel it.

The moment that Cocolia created a pact with the Stellaron. The moment that malevolent waves of malice filled the field. The moment that the blizzard became more than just a senseless force of nature and instead a controlled and calculated one.

The second that Stelle was repelled from the top of the robot.

The second that we all watched as a spear of ice was impaled through her torso.

I watched intently. My heart didn’t speed up, or flutter. Not a single shred of anxiety plagued me as I waited with baited breath the moment that I was looking forward to. When Stelle would come into contact with an Aeon.

I waited-

As she fell-

And fell-

And then-

I felt it.

My mouth tore into an ugly grin.

Warmth flooded the land. Like a wave of gentle heat, spreading out and caressing each and every one of us. It was similar to being hugged, or dipping into a bath. It was only there for a singular moment in time before it was gone, but I felt it.

And I gripped onto that feeling.

Like the revival of a phoenix, Stelle was shrouded in flames as she fell, it cocooned her for naught but a second before she emerged without injury and a great lance in her hand.

She rolled in the air, landing safely upon the open palm of the robot as it’s appendage slowly lowered to the ground.

Stelle looked radiant in that moment as she turned back towards us with a smile.

The rest of the party, me excluded, ran up to meet with the trailblazer who now wielded the Lance of Preservation. I stayed back. Cocolia in all her icy glory didn’t look like something I wanted to mess with.

But the end was nearing. I could feel it. I wonder if Cocolia could as well.

Qlipoth had made its choice and everyone here was a witness.

Cocolia was no longer trusted with the fate of Belobog. That privilege had been taken away.

The blizzard picked up, roaring and howling like an enraged animal. Sharp bits of ice battered against my skin as I continued to watch the party and Cocolia fight. For every lance of ice that Cocolia shot out, Stelle batted it away while Seele, Dan Heng and March took the opportunity to retaliate.

I refused to look away, even as the cold winds caused my face to sting. Even as my eyes teared up from the pain and said tears were frozen on my very face.

Cocolia summoned great pillars of ice. Their core spun and churned out bits of frost and projectiles towards the party. It was thwarted as the colossal robot revved to life again, crushing them under its fist by Stelle’s command.

The Supreme Guardian screamed and anguished, each attack chipping away at the literal icy exterior that she had created for herself. The purple exoskeleton of rime that protected her was battered away, exposing bits and pieces of herself once more.

“Svarog.” I called to my own robot friend. “Get ready.”

“Affirmative.” He responded

I couldn’t tell how much longer the battle waged for. I refused to tear my gaze away, refused to even blink until my body forced myself to. One by one the pieces of Cocolia’s armor fell until a bullet from Bronya herself seemed to be the final hit needed.

Cocolia’s flight stalled, and she came crashing down onto the ground, no longer hovering upon the Stellaron’s borrowed powers. The armor of ice that surrounded her shattered into nothing and Cocolia was mortal once more.

She was on her knees, panting, a golden glow surrounding her palm. She looked manic, and the Stellaron was in her hands.

Bronya moved forward, in some adrenaline-panicked attempt to reconvene with her mother. Seele held her back, as if she could sense intuitively how dangerous Cocolia was right now.

Thank you, Seele.

“Now.” I said.

A beam raced across the battlefield, screeching in song like a thousand chirping birds. It was focused, powerful, enough to kill if aimed incorrectly.

But I trusted Svarog.

And he struck true.

The Stellaron was struck by the condensed power of Svarog’s laser, striking it right out of Cocolia's hands and leading it flying through the air. It was like a marble that had been hit, the golden orb soared into the blizzard and arced above the party and past them.

Right to me.

I mused at the golden orb in front of me. That wasn’t part of the plan. I just wanted it out of Cocolia’s reach, so she couldn’t attempt to fuse with it.

But…

I knelt down and grabbed the Stellaron with my own bare hands. The sheer power that I felt coursing through my body, just from holding it… If such a thing were whispering into anyone’s ear, day in and day out, could I truly blame them for succumbing to it?

If I wanted to, I could wish upon. Like a shooting star. Nearly anything I wanted could come true at the snap of my fingers. All I had to do… was wish for it.

Money? Love? Power? All in the blink of an eye.

I chuckled.

What a joke.

I learned the hard way that if you ever wanted anything in life. You had to do it yourself. Otherwise inevitably someone would do something wrong and you’d have to come in and correct it regardless.

“So how do you seal these kinds of things?” I asked out loud.

It jolted my friends into working order, all of whom had been staring at me in shock. Stelle jogged up to me first, taking the Stellaron off my hands, while March, Bronya and Seele checked up on the unconscious Cocolia. Dan Heng was apparently contacting the Express if the way he was talking to thin air indicated.

“Good job.” Stelle praised me.

It was much too cold out for my cheeks to heat up at the affirmation. But it tried its best. “Thanks. I’m glad everything seemed to work out.” I said.

There was something about the way Stelle looked now that was different from before. Her eyes, a previous warm honey yellow, seemed to be a gentle burning amber. It was difficult to look away from them.

“Because of you. I don’t know what would have happened if Cocolia attempted to fuse with the Stellaron there at the end.”

I did. It wasn’t pretty. “It wasn’t me, Svarog did everything.” I deflect.

“But he wouldn’t have done anything if you didn’t tell him to.” Stelle bumped my shoulder with her own. “Don’t think you did nothing, Zenith. You’re just as much of a hero as everyone else here.”

…I felt like I was dreaming. Truthfully, I wasn’t sure what to expect with such a half-cocked plan. There were so many what ifs, so many things that could go wrong. So many that if I listed them out, I could keep going for half a day.

On some level… I rationalized such a plan as a hypothesis to see if things could truly change from what I remembered. My knowledge of this universe was quickly drying up, and if I wanted to confirm such a thing then I had to act now.

But more than that… I didn’t want Bronya to be deprived of a mother. For Serval to be deprived of a partner. Or at least, for those two to at least get some closure on it. I knew that life was unfair, that sometimes people didn’t get closure for things. But did that have to be the case here?

No, or at least, I didn’t think so. But maybe now they can. As powerless as I am, I had the ability to make a change.

“Yeah. I guess I am.” I chuckled. I felt like I could get lost staring into those warm amber eyes. “Can I stay with you?”

Stelle blinked in surprise, her head tilting in confusion. “Pardon?”

It took me a moment to process exactly what I said, and I could feel my heart rush in embarrassment. “I-I mean, can I join you three on the express? Would that be okay?”

Truthfully I didn’t want to be so abrupt with my asking. But for some reason I couldn’t stop the words from blurting out. I hadn’t a clue what came over me, but I could always roll with what I was given. Or, what I gave myself, in this case.

Stelle gave me a warm smile. “Oh. Of course. You’ll have to talk to Dan Heng and March, as well as Pom-Pom, Himeko and Welt. But I know everyone would be happy to have you.”

I swallowed my heart that threatened to break free from my chest. That… was relieving to hear. One less thing to worry about.

“Thank you.” I said sincerely.

“Then, let me be the first one to say it. It’s not exactly fair since the others don’t know yet but…” Stelle smiled brightly. “Welcome aboard the Astral Express.”

Chapter Text

I'm not good with goodbyes. I'm not even good with “hey I'll be back see you later.” Not necessarily in the sense that I hesitate to say the words, but almost entirely in the fact that I just can't bring myself to share important personal details about myself with people.

If that even made sense. I hesitate in saying the words, not because I can't say them but because I'm hesitant on sharing things about myself. Especially to people close to me.

One time, when I was younger but not THAT much younger. Oh god it was only three years ago… which made me 22. Where the hell did the time go?

Getting off topic. One time when I was younger, I had plans to visit someone on the other side of the country. Instead of telling my parents that I was going to do that, whom I lived with because finding housing in the US and especially in California is doomed, I packed my bags and was halfway out the door until my mom caught me. At 3am.

Instead of just mentioning… at any point… a single time… in the two weeks that I had made my trip and was going, I anxiously put it off and didn't tell them because I didn't know how to communicate such a thing.

Which is like. Really stupid. I literally have a communication degree. But that was so much easier to use with strangers I would never see again or coworkers.

Oh god I'm getting embarrassed.

My mom didn't care, by the way. She was kinda annoyed that I didn't tell her and also woke her up at 3am. But yeah. She knew I was responsible and that I wouldn't do anything crazy like getting into a cult. Or getting pregnant. Or getting someone else pregnant.

What?

That's not funny?

Boo. You buzzkill.

Anyways. I got to go now. See you later.

…

I'm hilarious, can't you tell?

Chapter 7. Maybe Goodbye Will Be Our Always.

I couldn't quite tell where I was. It was a clearing of some sort, one that I didn't recognize at all. There were flowers that bloomed from the ground. It could almost be called a meadow if it weren't for the concrete path that bled from the greenery. That path continued a short distance until It reached the back entrance of a building.

A hospital, perhaps? It reminded me of the one in the city I grew up in.

It was night time, and it was devoid of light. The only thing that brought any sort of illumination to the area was the innumerable amount of buzzing insects whose tails all lit up.

I could vaguely remember a song about this scenario.

They lit up the area well enough that I could see a girl sitting on one of the benches. Her features were obscured, not from any physical reason. But it was like the information passed over my mind and washed away anything that might have been retained.

“Oh. You're back.” The girl said.

It took me a while to respond. Like the functions in my body were slow and sluggish. I half expected myself to respond automatically, like some sort of dream-

Oh. I was in a dream. A lucid one.

“Hello.” I said simply.

“Good evening.” The girl returned. “You never told me your name last time. You left as quickly as you appeared. Like this time.”

I couldn't remember a last time. But dreams were dreams.

“I'm Zenith.”

“Are you a ghost?”

I blinked. “No?”

“You're not sure?”

No, she was just surprised at the question. “Last I checked I was alive and well. Unless dreams count as being a ghost.”

It was odd that I got the impression that she quirked an eyebrow at me yet couldn't actually see it. Was this what prosopagnosia was like?

“Hmm.” She said, as if her interest had evaporated. She made a vague gesture to the countless number of insects lighting up the night sky. “Do you think if there were enough of these, that they could carry me off to the sea?”

Another nonsensical question. On the surface at least. It didn't take a literature major to see what she wanted.

“Have you ever been to the sea?”

She shook her head. “No, never.”

“It's very blue. And cold. And a lot of the time the sand is too hot.”

I had her attention. I could tell even without being able to make out any details.

“Sometimes if you don't stretch before going in the water you'll cramp up and that's painful. Depending on your body you'll either sink or float, but most people are able to swim.” I continued.

“And you?”

“Err. I sink. I've never been able to get the hang of swimming honestly.”

I opened my mouth to continue speaking and-

I jolted awake as my alarm started to screech.

My head hurt as my dream slipped away from me. It was a mundane one, but strangely coherent. I didn't think too much about it as I realized exactly what day it was.

The day of reckoning.

Or, alternatively, the self imposed deadline that I put into play as a restriction for telling people that I would not be staying on Belobog and would be heading off with the Trailblaze crew.

Right.

We love procrastination in this house.

Truthfully it had only been two days since the entire ordeal with the Stellaron and Cocolia had been sorted out, and that was honestly two days more than I had been expecting to get. I wasn't sure if the astral express was going to head off immediately after the stellaron was sealed, but instead they insisted on sticking around for three days to make sure that everything was right and dandy.

Nothing much really happened in the span of that entire time. Bronya took over as Supreme Guardian. The team weaved an entire story about how Cocolia had discovered a way to end the eternal freeze and wanted to retire, having done her duty as Supreme Guardian.

Bullshit? Yeah. But Cocolia herself went with it. Something about her wanting to turn over a new leaf. Bronya had been ecstatic, if a bit hesitant. Her trust had been shattered and rebuilding that with her mother would take some time. The others had chosen to believe her as well. The influence of the Stellaron was not to be underestimated, and I myself had been exposed to it.

It said some interesting things too. Which is why I had a full schedule this entire day. I had asked yesterday if it was possible to talk to Cocolia. She had said yes, of course. She'd do anything in her power to help me as thanks for saving her mother.

I sighed as I slipped into the shower. That was also weird to think about. Me? The savior of Cocolia? I mean- yes that had been my intention, a plan cooked in the moment, but actually being acknowledged as such? Certainly a weird feeling.

Oh my god I nearly moaned as the hot water hit my body. Sure I have had the luxury of such a thing for the past two days, courtesy of the Underworld being reconnected to the Belobog surface, as well as technically having access to the very fancy showers on the Astral Express (Which I wasn’t using at the moment but seriously, why were they so fancy? March literally bragged about them and sent me pictures of the showers themselves). But I couldn’t help myself. Those two days that I had been here prior to that I had desperately missed hot water and a shower. My poor hair was battered against the elements.

My train of thought had been broken. Where was I? Being thanked by Bronya for saving her mother? Right. I had scheduled a meeting with Cocolia in an attempt to figure out what the Stellaron told her in a last ditch effort to find out what exactly the Stellaron knew about me. Then I had a date with Bronya and Seele- not an actual date, where I would say my goodbyes. Then I would do some rounds and pack my things from the underground.

Actual communication for these things would have been a hassle, but thankfully I got a new phone, courtesy of being a member of the Express. Fully up to date and one of the latest IPC models. Or so March claimed.

Apparently the equivalent of SIM cards existed in models nearly a millenia out of date and still worked with the newer models. Who would have guessed?

I had a working line of communication with everyone, but swapping a sim card out didn't mean I had access to whatever was on my old phone, not even my texts. Unfortunate but that was a mystery for another day.

I dried myself off as I stepped out of the shower. I got all my necessities out of the way while the bathroom was still nice and steamy. It took me a bit of time, but I thought I looked decent enough. Not dressed as cute as I would if I was on a date, but it'd probably be a little weird to show up like that when meeting with Cocolia.

I mean, not that Cocolia isn't good looking because my god those hips-

Uh.

Nevermind.

I hated my mind sometimes.

ANYWAYS I was all set and ready, so I texted Bronya as such and stepped outside my temporary apartment to Belobog’s elements.

It was gifted to me by Bronya, yet another thing that she forced on me as a ‘reward’. Housing crisis? Not in Belobog! I was probably going to just give it away to Natasha or Seele (unless they also got an apartment as a reward). Or keep it as a vacation home or something.

Bronya met me at the entrance of the Qlipoth's fort. We exchanged greetings before she led the way.

That was how I met her mother.

If there was one thing that I specifically requested when it came to meeting Cocolia, it was that I talked with her alone. Bronya was, understandably, a little nervous about that. But it wasn't that hard to convince her. I was a non-combatant, I just wanted to ask some questions she might not feel comfortable answering around her daughter or some guards.

And guards there were. Cocolia, while not in jail or prison for whatever crimes against humanity she committed, was essentially in house arrest.

And I was alone with her.

If there was one thing that I hadn't gotten a chance to do in the past few days, surrounded by people who knew me before I transmigrated, it was to be myself. it wasn't as if I wasn't myself. As if that somewhat awkward, nerdy girl who got flustered by hot women wasn't me (why the hell did I use that as a defining trait?). But it wasn't exactly the whole me.

I was nice. I was friendly. I could play those two roles well. I wasn't overly outgoing but I could easily hold my own in a conversation. Most of the time, at least.

It was a lot easier when I wasn’t trying to balance between being who I body snatched and who I am currently.

“Hello!” I said, starting off friendly.

“Hello.” Cocolia all but drawled. “I remember you. You were there up on Everwinter Hill. You were the one who commanded Svarog.”

“Yep. That’s me.” I took the time to actually look Cocolia over. She looked… haggard. There were deep circles under her eyes that couldn’t be hidden even with makeup, not to mention the slight slouch in her seat. Despite that, she still had a sharp gleam in her gaze. “I just wanted to ask you a few questions.”

That got a nearly imperceptible inhale and sigh from the former Supreme Guardian. I can’t imagine how many times she had people come in for ‘questions’ in the past few days. “I’ve already answered everything regarding the Stellaron. It’s been documented, put on a transcript and filed away by Bronya.”

“Right. I know that.” I didn’t really, I sort of just assumed that was the case though. “I just wanted to ask specifically about the voice of the Stellaron.”

“All of that is also in the transcripts.”

I ignored her. “Has it ever said to you things that it shouldn’t have known?”

“Plenty of times. It knew each and every Supreme Guardian. It knew more than I did regarding Belobog’s state of affairs and history.”

Well. That wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. I should probably be more specific.
“What ‘path’ did the Stellaron identify you as?”

Cocolia didn’t respond. She stared at me, looking for something. I too, was looking for something.

In the past two days I hadn’t just been procrastinating saying goodbye. I mean, I had, but it wasn’t as if I was doing nothing. There was practically no information worth anything regarding paths that Belobog had at ready, and any that they did was practically medieval compared to what the Astral Express had. They had archives that spanned so many pages that it would make my head spin, but I was mostly interested in the Remembrance.

The Stellaron had mentioned the remembrance. And then it called me a ‘Scourge of the Glowswather’. Whatever that meant, it had clearly known something about me that I had no knowledge of. It was the same with Svarog. I had asked the robot what he meant by Record-Keeper, but he simply stated that I was, and always will be, the Record-Keeper for Belobog and didn’t elaborate further.

“Remembrance?” I made a guess.

She narrowed her eyes at me. “Is there a point to these questions?”

“Do you know what a ‘Scourge of the Glowswather’ is?”

“No.”

“What about ‘Record-Keeper’?”

“If I answer, will you leave?”

“Probably not.” I said honestly.

If there was one thing that I could give Cocolia credit for, it was that even if she seemed extremely annoyed by me and my questions, she somehow still looked dignified. Not like I was intentionally trying to annoy her, but I did need answers.

The former Supreme Guardian sighed. “I’ve only heard of the term a few times. If you know of the term you likely are one or know one.”

“Svarog called me a Record-Keeper.”

“Then you are this generation’s Record-Keeper. What more do you need to know? You record events, and use your borrowed power to take notes of future possibilities.”

I blinked. Record events? I mean, that was self explanatory from the name. “...What power?” I asked.

“It’s not a topic that I’ve deemed important enough to remember. It’s probably in the archives, but don’t expect too much. It's a much less important role than you might think. We have historians for a reason, and people dedicated to researching past events to predict the future.”

“Right.” That unfortunately made a lot of sense as well.

“So unfortunately for you. I’m all out of things to tell you.” She said, crossing her arms in a manner that clearly said she was done with the entire conversation.

‘Unfortunately for you’ Cocolia, I wasn’t done. I still felt some responsibility for her survival, and because of that I wanted to at least get some insight as to whatever the Mother-Daughter duo was going to do to make it up to each other.

If such things could even be made up. Trying to kill off an entire civilization might be difficult to reconcile with.

But that wasn’t really my problem! I decided on the blunt route.

“So what’s your plans on reconciling with your daughter?” I bluntly asked.

“Excuse me?” Cocolia said, more than asked. It was as if she was giving me a chance to take back what I just said because holy crap that glare was ice cold.

I shivered. It felt like it had gotten colder. “Bronya clearly still cares about you. I doubt you two would want to not be on talking terms the rest of your lives.”

“And how is that any of your business?”

It really wasn’t but… “Well I’m the entire reason you’re alive.” I said bluntly.

“What a wonderful gift you’ve given me.” She said, sarcasm dripping like venom.

“It really is.” I said before I could think. My heart was beating especially loudly. “I mean, imagine if you just died and left everyone else to clean up your mess.”

She huffed at the prospect of such a thing. I could tell talking about Bronya was an especially sensitive spot. “There would be no mess to clean up if you-”

“Just think about it! You lost and you’re here now and you’re acting like a pouty little kid! Just accept that fact and face the consequences of your actions. I thought you were like me and saw things through to the end once you started something, even if it meant losing.” I interrupted her by speaking over her.

“You have no idea who I am.” Cocolia snarled.

I nodded. “Yep. I thought I did, but all I see in front of me is a little sore loser who’s too much of a coward to even face her daughter. Did you even apologize to her yet?”

“Don’t speak about our relationship as if you know anything.”

I shrugged. My head felt like it was in the clouds, and not in a good way. “I’m just saying what I see. And if I see this sort of thing, imagine what Bronya thinks?”

Cocolia was silent after that. She glared at me still, but I clearly must have gotten some point across.

“Well then… I got to go now bye!” I said abruptly, speed walking towards the door and quickly stepping outside. I shut it closed and slumped against the wall.

Bronya was there, who gave me a surprised look.

“I- Uh. I might have pissed off your mom. Sorry, let me just catch my breath.”

“...What?” Bronya questioned.

I simply ignored her while I took some deep breaths. Hopefully my nosiness paid off. I didn’t exactly like sticking my neck out like that for someone I barely know, but I felt like it was something I should do.

At least I learned a valuable lesson.

That old saying of not messing with a mama bear definitely wasn’t limited to just bears. Older women are scary when their daughters are involved.

Doomsday. The apocalypse. Rapture. Calamity.

If I wanted more synonyms I'd have to use a thesaurus, but it wouldn't do anything to stop my impending doom in the form of ‘I need to tell someone something very important but I procrastinated and now it's last minute so they're probably going to be mad’.

Hmm. Someone should come up with a word for that. I'm sure it's a common enough phenomenon that it deserves a term for it.

“Zenith.”

“Geh.” I let out.

Seele was in front of me. Bronya was sitting perpendicular to us. We had gone to some sort of Belobogian cafe that our new Supreme Guardian used to frequent. She had apparently wanted to take Seele here and used this as an excuse to steer the encounter to said restaurant.

I was thankful for it. It should be easier saying this in public where there was less risk of an angry scythe wielding girl going berserk and attacking me. Not that I thought Seele would do that. Or that being in public would somehow cause her to be more mindful. Or that I could survive if she got angry. Or-

“Zenith. You're drifting off again.” Seele interrupted my thoughts. Again.

Damn. How could I derail this. ‘Seele I'm pregnant’? No. That… uh… yeah just no. It was on the bucket list to fuck with someone that way. But not here. It was time to be serious. I owed It to one of my only friends here to do so. Doubly so since I snatched the previous Zenith away.

I took a deep breath.

“Please don’t tell me you’re pregnant” Seele interjected before I could speak.

My mouth froze halfway open. It took me a second to process what she said. Did she read my thoughts? Was she trying to fuck with me?

“...No.”

“Good. You tried that excuse a year back and then spent the next two days complaining about your period.”

Darn you previous Zenith. You’re stealing things off my bucket list and then disappearing into thin air. The entire reason I was having so much trouble with this is because I had only a vague estimate of the relationship between me, Seele, and whomever I took over.

If she were a stranger then I’d have no hesitation at all with this. If she were a close friend whom I’ve known for years then I’d probably have just as little trouble (unless she was my mom but she’s not so it’s fine). The problem is that she was in this weird in between where she was a stranger to me but a friend to Zenith.

Oh well. When in doubt, do something first, apologize later.

“Uh. Right. No.” I paused for a second before barreling through my sentence before I could hesitate. “Yeah so the thing is that I’m actually going to be leaving with the Astral Express which means I’ll be leaving tomorrow when they leave Belobog and I’m not sure if or when I’ll be back.”

Seele stared at me for a few seconds. I could practically see the gears in her head turning before her eyes widened and she slammed her hands down on the table and stood up. The cups and utensils rattled to the point where I almost thought they might tip over.

“You-” Seele started

“Wow. Congratulations Zenith.” Bronya said loudly. It completely overshadowed the start of Seele’s sentence.

Seele faltered at the interruption and turned to stare at Bronya, who stared back. There was an entire conversation that passed through the two that I completely missed out on, solely through eye contact.

It was kind of impressive really, the way that Seele just sighed and slumped back down in her chair. It was as if all her anger dissipated from that simple gaze.

I was honestly a little jealous. It had only been, what, a week since those two met? Would I ever get a relationship like that with someone?

“Well… that's sudden.” Seele said.

I took a breath to calm my heart. “Yeah. Sorry. I was trying to figure out how to tell you and the others but ended up procrastinating away my time and spent two days doing other things.”

Seele sighed. “One day you’re going to procrastinate too much for too long to the wrong person and they’re not going to take it well.”

I tried not to think about every single college assignment I’ve ever done and how they’ve mostly all been last minute. How I’d carefully plan out my day and analyze what assignment I needed to do to estimate how much time it’d take and how long I could put it off for.

“...Yeah probably.” I conceded.

It was silent again. The awkwardness of the situation was palpable. From what I’ve managed to pick up from the past few days of being with her, Seele was very much a ‘punch first, talk later’ type of person. And I wasn’t exactly much better.

I honestly didn’t know how she felt about the entire thing, but it obviously upset her to some degree. I considered her a friend, and if I were in her shoes I probably would be surprised. But upset? Probably not as much as most people.

“Are you sure about this?” Seele asked.

I nodded. There were plenty of things I wasn’t sure about everything related to my situation. But I knew that staying in Belobog wouldn’t help.

Well, maybe it would, after all if I swapped with Zenith in Belobog then maybe there was a way to swap back. But that was like floundering around in the dark. Much better to have something that could guarantee progress, such as the Express visiting Earth.

“Yeah. There’s… something I have to do with the Astral Express. Places I have to visit. It’s not something I decided lightly.”

“Oh.” Seele frowned. “...So this is goodbye?”

“Yeah. I guess it is goodbye.”

“...Goodbye, I guess.”

“Goodbye…”

The two of us averted our gaze from each other. What the hell was I doing? I was a 25 year old woman who felt like I was breaking up with my high school friend as we went off to college.

“Goodbye.” Seele repeated.

I looked at Seele’s face, and it was honestly pouting for a bit. She looked like a wet cat. I couldn’t help it. I had to cover my mouth to stifle a giggle.

“Pft.” Some of my laughs leaked out.

I clearly didn’t silence myself enough, because Seele looked back and made a baffled face. Her eyes went wide and she looked offended. I felt bad, but at the same time the mighty fighter who fearlessly took on Cocolia and plenty of other fights looking like a sad pet was too much.

“Sorry. I just-” I tried to apologize, but coughed as another giggle rose up. “You look like a sad wet cat.”

Seele blinked. “What’s a cat?”

I flubbed as I realized that Belobog didn’t have those kinds of animals. “Uh, it’s just an off-world animal. I read about them. It’s not an insult. They’re cute.”

Bronya raised an eyebrow. I hoped to whatever deity there was that she wasn’t going to get territorial or count that as flirting. It wasn’t.

“I… okay?”

“I mean, it’s not like I’m dying. I’ll still be able to send everyone messages especially now that Belobog is open to outer space travel again. I know you two also got new phone models to keep in contact with the others.”

“As long as you’re happy with it, I guess it’s probably for the best. Anyone could tell you weren’t the happiest here.” Seele sighed.

“Yeah… I just wanted to… formally say goodbye and explain things. I didn’t want to just leave without saying anything.”

“Thanks. You took your sweet time to tell me but thanks, for explaining things, and saying goodbye, and not just disappearing… and also helping out with everything these past few days.”

“Of course.” I said. Then blanked out on what else to follow up with. “So… goodbye?”

Seele didn’t seem to mind that. Maybe she was just as awkward as I was. I wasn’t sure how that was possible as sometimes I felt like the most awkward person on earth. Business meetings were so much easier than this.

“Goodbye.”

Then we stared at each other. Neither of us moved. This entire thing reminded me vaguely of some show or book I read years back. I think it was in high school. What did they say again?

“...Maybe goodbye will be our always.”

Seele made an indecipherable face. “Zenith… I don’t get your references most of the time. Sorry.”

I deflated just the tiniest bit. “Ah. Yeah. Don’t worry about it.” Another reason to get back to Earth as soon as I can. Nobody understood my pop culture references here.

Bronya laughed off to the side. I wasn’t entirely certain but I had the feeling that it was because of the disappointment on my face. Or maybe it was because seeing two idiots flail around in a social aspect was funny. Was Bronya an extrovert?

After that, we didn’t actually part ways and instead made rounds to the underground where they went with me to say goodbye to a few people, namely Natasha. When the day was nearing its end. I split up from them and retreated back to my new apartment which had most of my stuff in it.

I packed up what I didn’t already have stuffed away and set off to bed. Hopefully tomorrow was fine.

The Astral Express was welcoming.

I had to trek, with the chaperone of March 7th, through the outlands of Belobog’s permafrost remnants of a forest to reach a space anchor to actually get up to the Astral Express, but when I did I was certainly in for a treat.

The interior decor, the couches, the laid back atmosphere. It all reminded me of a good lounge in a luxury hotel. It was even complete with a hooded girl with a crystalline face that introduced herself as ‘Messenger’.

Oh. And apparently I was the only one who could see her!

“Well isn’t this a surprise.” Messenger said, right next to March 7th. The pink haired girl didn’t seem to notice anything wrong.

“What a… nice surprise.” I said vaguely.

March just nodded as she assumed I was talking to her. “I know right! We spent a lot of time figuring out the inside decorations but I like how it came out.”

I’d like to write it off as me going crazy but Stelle on the other side of the cabin was clearly glancing between me and the hooded girl.

Perhaps I forgot more about Star Rail than I realized.

Chapter Text

Pop quiz.

What was the difference between magic and paths? Everyone has three guesses before I answer.

What? You didn't specify the difference between sorcery and paths enough? You just said that sorcery allowed people to demolish cities and paths allowed people to borrow power from whatever aeon they were a pathstrider of?

Miss Zenith, it's not fair!

Huh? I have to deal with unruly students who don't pay attention? Okay. Listen up. I'll talk about emanators next. This'll be a multi part lecture that will be on the exam.

Ignore everything you know about sorcery and pathstriding when it comes to emanators. They aren't just your average joe. Emanators are hand picked (generally) by Aeons themselves and are seen as an extension of an Aeon's will. As such they have a greater extent of power that they can borrow from said Aeon.

However, and this is a big however. Paths and Emanators do not need to match up. There's a… person I know that is an Emanator of Fuli, But a pathstrider of nihility.

What does this mean exactly?

It means that just because an Emanator is designated, doesn't mean they necessarily align with the same ideals, personality or goals that an Aeon has. Some Aeons don't have ambitions or morals in the same sense as a person does. And as such they might be willing to designate an emanator who doesn't line up with everything that is known about them.

This is mostly an exception to the rule. As most emanators, such as several of Nanook's, all share the same ambition of the Aeon. Such as the destruction of everything.

Damn psychopaths.

Just because someone is an emanator doesn't necessarily mean they have the same power of another emanator. There's a big difference in raw strength and power between an Emanator of Destruction and an Emanator of Erudition.

Even if some of the Erudition emanators might seem scarier at times. You'd never know when someone like Herta might snatch you up and experiment on you.

That's all for today. Next lecture will cover…

…

I'll decide on that when I think of it. Whatever it is, it'll be on the exam!

Chapter 8. Dangers Of The Heart

Running away was a term that had some negative connotations to it. Which is why I prefer the term ‘tactically running away’. Retreating was much too sophisticated and overused so I skipped over it.

It was also something that I employed liberally in any scenario that involved social aspects. Like trying to figure out why I could see someone that no one else could see (except Stelle apparently).

“So! Not that I’m not appreciative or anything but is there a place that I can unpack my things? I feel a little awkward standing here with all my stuff, even if I don’t have much.” I said to March without taking my eyes off Messenger.

March was completely understanding and nodded. “Yep! You can get unpacked and then we’ll all meet up for lunch later! I’ll make sure everyone knows!”

The pink girl led the way towards the cabins and showed me to my room. She left me to my lonesome (or what she thought was my lonesome) and vacated the premises. The room itself was quite simple, but still nice. It was bare and I probably wouldn't be decorating it as my plan was to get back home as soon as possible.

It sort of reminded me of my room back at my parent's house. It was mostly in the small cutout in the back of the room which could double as a place to sit. It even had a window that spanned across the entire wall, giving a clear view to outer space. It came equipped with a bed and blankets, and a door to-

Wait.

There was a big window to outer space on the side of my room.

I could literally see the planet that Belobog was on. I was in outer space. I was-

Okay. I took a deep breath and steadied myself. I don't need to think about that. It was just like… a backdrop. Like a big poster on my wall, of space. One that changed depending on where we were. I just needed to think about literally anything else to stop myself from freaking out.

“So mind telling me who you are and why March couldn't see you?” I asked out loud to my uninvited guest.

Messenger twirled around. “Of course! Since it seems you aren't part of either the Garden or the Cremators, I'll give you a brief explanation similar to your friend.”

Friend meant Stelle. Probably. “Right… I have read about memokeepers. But I have no idea why they would be on the Express.”

Both of those names were familiar. I remember distinctly reading about them in the archives the past few days.

For some reason I couldn't remember them from when I initially played Star Rail though. Did I really just forget?

“Mm. Well you're more knowledgeable than your friend. She was rather clueless about us.”

The way she said ‘us’ felt less like her referring to her faction and more like me and her.

“To put things simply. I'm here to observe your friend, Stelle, because the Garden believes she holds precious memories.” Messenger continued.

I was silent as I processed this. That made sense. The Garden wasn't marked as a hostile entity in the Astral Express’ archives, though I had yet to get through all of them. There was clearly a lot I was missing from everything, but it was obvious that having a Stellaron in one's body was a unique circumstance that many people were interested in.

“So I understand that others can't perceive you unless you choose, as you only exist in people's perceptions of memories. But why can I see you?” I ask her.

It was weird to talk to someone who essentially had a crystal mask as a face. But it wasn't much weirder than talking to someone in cosplay.

Messenger tilted her head in confusion. As if she didn't understand why I would ask such a question. “We're both part of the Remembrance. I may have sundered my body and parted with physical form but I can still be perceived by those who are followers of Fuli.”

Well there it was. Confirmation that I was a pathstrider of Remembrance.

Or… not? She didn't specifically say pathstrider. I might as well just ask. It wasn't as if she was perceivable by anyone else except Stelle.

“Do you mean that we're both pathstriders of Remembrance?”

“Yes… Would you consider joining the Garden? It’s open to all pathstriders of Remembrance.” She asked me out of the blue.

“Wouldn’t I have to… ‘sunder’ my physical body like you did?”

“Yep! But that’s really a small price to pay for everything the Garden offers.” Messenger said as if getting rid of physical form was no big deal.

“I’ll pass. Thanks for the offer.” I quite liked my body the way it was, thank you.

“Hum. Shame. You should be careful then. Pathstriders of remembrance not protected by the Garden or the Cremators are extremely rare. If the wrong people find out you are one you might not be in for a fun time.” She warned me.

My mouth suddenly went dry at the thought. The ability to manipulate memories probably sounded extremely tantalizing for bad sorts of people. I didn’t even know what my powers were but the warning seemed heartfelt.

“Thank you for the warning.” I said.

Messenger regarded me for a moment before holding out a hand. “May I?”

“May you…?” I prompted for more information.

“We're both pathstriders of Remembrance, although it's much more accurate to refer to me as an Emanator. All memokeepers of the Garden are. Between two fellow members we usually ask for permission before reading each other.” She explained.

The implication that they didn’t ask for permission for people outside the remembrance was a little scary. But at least it seemed like I was immune to that. Hopefully. Maybe. Did this count as a pyramid scheme?

It was odd. They said reading as if they were going to look at me like a book. As if the pages of my life were opened. How exactly Were they going to do so? Just pry my head open and scan me?

That sounded terrifying. But it was also a good opportunity to get some answers.

It was a gamble. What if she modified my mind and stole all my memories? What if she left me a lifeless husk? I could only hope that Stelle would avenge me if that came to fruition

But answers were needed. If I could even get one step closer to figuring out how I got here then I would be one step closer getting back. If she could also shed some light on how I was a pathstrider of Remembrance and my powers that I was supposed to have then that would be nice.

“Alright.” I nodded

I slowly lowered my hand into the grasp of the memokeeper.

Before she gasped and yanked her hand back the second we touched. It was as if she had been burned.

“Oh!” She exclaimed, holding her hand with the other. “You're… a dangerous individual.”

…Huh?

I didn’t really get much more of an answer after that. Messenger said she needed to think things through first and she would get back to me. If I had a dime for everytime a woman said that to me I’d have at least four dimes. Which isn’t nearly enough to buy me anything but it’s a mixture of depression and hilarity that it happened four different times.

What did happen instead was I got to take a shower in the extra fancy showers that the Astral Express had. Normally I would expect showers of a train to be something like a communal shower. Because to me it felt like an RV or something.

Did RV’s have showers? I’ve never been in one.

But anyways, I was expecting it to be some sort of communal one based on how extravagant it was, there was a literal chandelier in it according to the pictures that March had texted me. But no, that was apparently not true. They had private showers for each guest and they all had chandeliers. Was that even a good design choice? How did the circuitry work?

Although I had some toiletries of my own from Belobog. Himeko had left me a gift inside the shower of a plethora of different personal care items. There was everything from shampoo and conditioner to some more… private care items. All complete with a smiley face on a sticky note signed by Himeko herself.

I blushed, both from the fact that I felt touched at the warm welcome, and also from the fact that I now had to come to terms with the fact that Himeko knew each and every item I had at my disposal.

Oh well.

It wasn’t really a big deal.

The shower was beyond heavenly. Just the right water pressure, just the right temperature. It took a second to adjust it to my liking but I think I could safely say that the Astral Express had ruined me on showers for the rest of my life.

Which is awful. I would forever be in pursuit of this happiness when I got home. I’d have to become a shower designer to achieve this level of perfection.

Having an actual hair dryer was nice. As well as a new brush, it was a bit too prickly for my liking but I’d just get a new one later.

I realized that I had taken way too long in the shower trying out all the new things and smelling each of the 10 different shampoos that I was gifted when I finally checked my phone and it had three different messages from March asking where I was and about forty new messages in a newly formed group chat.

One thing that initially threw me off was the lack of phone numbers. Everyone just had a name and an ID. Which meant that everyone's names showed up as they were rather than numbers without a face. How did such a system work without overlapping IDs when this supposedly spanned across the universe?

I didn't bother to think about it. I wasn't going to try to find out.

I knew how cell phones, 3g, 4g and LTE worked on Earth. I took two different upper division university classes for everything mobile phone related. I hated it.

So I was planning on staying far away from the technical science wizardry that was the phone in my hand.

But the names Himeko, Welt, Stelle, Dan Heng, March and Pom-Pom were clearly displayed at the top of the group chat, along with plenty of welcomes from everyone, talking about how they wanted to have a nice feast as a welcoming party and asked if I had any food or allergies.

And then they attempted to contact me multiple times. March explained I was probably unpacking things in my room, but wow. That was a little embarrassing. Missing my own welcoming messages?

I texted them that I was unpacking my things and got distracted with how fancy the shower was. I didn't realize I probably could have left that detail out until my finger already tapped the send button.

Luckily Himeko just went along with it. She actually went into a rather long tangent about how she revamped and redid all the rooms to make them more modern looking, and one of the first places she started was the showers. Apparently she took my fascination with them as a compliment.

Huh. Good job me. My foot in mouth TMI might have actually gotten on someone's good side.

I feel like my internal monologue was much more rambly now that I wasn't in imminent danger of dying or being left behind.

The dinner was prepared by Welt, and his texts of readiness interrupted Himeko who was STILL going on about the history of the Astral Express and her efforts to redesign it. I had shot off a few questions back at her in interest at certain parts but she had honestly lost me when she started talking about ‘Light Cone Curvature Photon Manipulation’ and how it was used as a pseudo reinforcement to parts of the train.

I was a computer nerd. Not a science geek.

There was a knock on my door. I opened it, about to say hello to March. Only to have my breath stolen away when I locked eyes with the most gorgeous red head I had ever seen.

The long curling locks of ruby red. The gentle waves of silky smooth cascading down and framing her face, like the borders of a canvas. Perfectly sized lips that just looked so inviting, curved into a gentle smile that pulled me in. Her golden eyes, radiating warmth like rays of sunlight.

Her lips moved briefly, capturing my attention like magnets of opposite polarities. There was a ringing of a bell, as if there was some sound that resonated directly to my sensory details.

It took me three beats to recognize that the goddess in front of me said something. It took me another beat to realize that something was directed towards me.

I attempted to speak twice with no success, it was only on my third try that I was able to vocalize something.

“Wow-” I realized extremely quickly that was not what I wanted to say. “-wwwwwwyyeeesss? No? Maybe? You're going to have to repeat yourself. I got lost in your-”

I stopped myself and practically forced my jaw shut. March's giggling caught my attention and allowed me to actually reset myself. I hadn't even noticed she was there!

“Yeah. I'm gonna need a repeat.” I said again, pointedly ignoring everything and anything I may have just said or done.

Was it getting hot in here or was it just the steam from the bathroom heating up the room?

She smiled at me and caused my heart to do little flips. It was then I realized I needed to get a grip.

“Of course. I'm Himeko. It's nice to meet you.” Himeko introduced herself.

“I'm Zenith. It's my pleasure.” It really was.

“You've already met March.” Himeko gestured to the girl by her side. “But you haven't met Welt yet. Our welcome lunch is ready if you are.”

I nodded and smiled back, it came naturally. “Thank you for coming to pick me up. I'm all good to go if you'll lead the way.”

“Anything for you.” Himeko smiled.

If this was the me from ten seconds ago I would have probably collapsed from a heart attack. But I was calm and collected. I was as serene as a monk spending twenty years practicing meditation underneath a waterfall.

“Your cheeks are really red.” March whispered to me as we both followed Himeko to the dining coach.

I refused to acknowledge such distractions and lies.

Upon my initial transmigration to Belobog, Welt Yang was someone that I had immediately thought of as somebody I needed to talk to at least once. Technically everyone in the Astral Express was on that list, as they were my best shot at getting back home. But Welt Yang, and Himeko, were two people that had initially come from Earth. As such they were on the top of my priority if I wanted help in figuring out what happened.

My initial impressions of Welt was someone who was kind, gentle, and guiding. I didn’t really get much of a chance to play with him in the game, as he mostly had a hands off impact in Belobog and for the Xianzhou Luofu I only played during the initial release, meaning only the start of the story for that was out at the time.

I was glad that he seemed to be basically what I was expecting.

Stelle, Dan Heng and Welt were both there when Himeko, March and I entered the room. It was a very standard setup for a dining room. There was a large central table that had a plethora of food set up on it. It seemed like enough for ten people, much less five. I could see vegetables, a stir fry, a potato salad, pasta, meat dishes, soup, three different types of sauces and honest to goodness breadsticks.

It was like I walked into a hotel buffet.

The tall older man who I recognized as Welt greeted us first. “Hello everyone. Hello Zenith. I’m Welt Yang. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you Welt.” I said back. “There’s… a lot of food. I almost thought this was an all you can eat place for a second.”

Welt chuckled. “Indeed. Pom-Pom, the conductor of the Express, made most of it. They were quite excited to have new passengers so close back-to-back. We didn’t know if you had any dietary restrictions so there’s vegetarian and vegan options as well.”

I glanced at Stelle as he said that. She gave me a big smile back and waved. I couldn’t help but smile in return.

“No dietary restrictions here. Thank you for the warm welcome. Will Pom-Pom be joining us?” I filed away the fact that Pom-Pom had apparently made most of it. That was… rather impressive if true.

I was curious to see the mascot of the game for myself. Or was March the mascot? Regardless, I wanted to see their big fluffy ears.

“Not for a bit. They’re checking on a few things for the Express to make sure we’re all good for our next destination.”

Stelle locked eyes with me and patted the spot next to her. I took that as my invitation and sat down next to her.

“Yep! We actually hadn’t even meant to stop on Jarilo-VI.” March commented as she sat down next to Himeko.

“March…” Himeko sighed.

March just blinked, unsure of what she did wrong. “Oh! Not that it was a bad thing that we did. Otherwise we would never have met so many wonderful people! We’re always happy to stop by new places and help out.”

“It was certainly an experience.” Dan Heng said as he scooped some of the potato salad onto his plate.

“It was exciting!” Stelle said after finishing a bite.

“It was cold!” That one was March.

“I’m… glad everyone enjoyed Belobog.” I said, gazing over the options. I didn’t exactly know how to respond to the knowledge that everyone treated the entire experience as a pitstop. But it wasn’t as if I was from Belobog either.

I decided to not care too much about it as I grabbed some of the tri-tip steak and potato salad. Just enough for a taste.

“We’ll be having a meeting later on in the day about our next destination. As soon as Pom-Pom gives us the signal that everything is up and running.” Himeko spoke.

The steak was really good. Did they just have the supplies for this entire thing in reserve? Were they like a restaurant of some sort? I never had steak or half these things for lunch unless I was going to some super fancy place. Maybe it was a space culture thing. It’s not like day or night necessarily existed unless one was actually on a planet with a star.

I piled on some pasta as well. The red sauce was sauteed to a crispy sweetness and the noodles were the perfect consistency. A tiny bit of resistance to the pasta, a deep rich flavor from the sauce, and a wonderfully savory goodness from the bits of sausage.

I was fairly certain that Stelle was already on her third serving, and everyone else was on their second, so I took that as my signal to grab even more. I didn’t realize how much I had missed certain things until I was eating them. Belobog had some decent food, but it was all foreign to me.

“So what made you want to join the Express, Zenith?” Himeko asked me.

I could tell the question had everyone’s attention as they all slowed down in their eating. Stelle’s attention was practically laser focused on me, while Dan Heng showed little to no interest besides his slowed pace. March was somewhere in between.

That question was one I had been expecting, and had me pondering over how to answer. I didn’t want to outright lie to them, but I was wondering exactly how much I should say truthfully. I eventually decided that I would keep my reasons close to my chest, but my destination and other things would be open to all.

“Besides the fact that you all get to explore the galaxy and see a bunch of new things. I had someplace I wanted to visit, and I was hoping that I could possibly convince you all to take a detour to it when we had extra time.” I said honestly.

The gorgeous redhead smiled at me. “We have a few destinations in mind first, but after that we should have more than enough time to take a detour to it, if we can of course. Where do you want to go?”

I licked my lips as a hint of anxiety crept upon me. “Well. It’s a little place called Earth.”

In my peripheral I could see Welt twitch. He and Himeko exchanged a glance. Were they going to question me on how I knew that? They were both from Earth. I knew that at least. I think, at least. It would probably be really suspicious if someone from a remote planet with no access to the outside cosmos for the past seven hundred years suddenly started talking about Earth.

Shit. Maybe it was a bad idea. I gave a cursory look for it when I was scouring the archives, but I couldn’t find anything related to it. I figured that it simply isn't accessible to those not officially a passenger of the Express.

“That.. was surprising to hear.” Welt said. It didn’t seem like I was in imminent danger, so I relaxed minutely. “Unfortunately… if this Earth is the same one that I’m thinking of, then the Astral Express won’t be able to visit it.”

I blanked. What did they mean they wouldn’t be able to visit it? Weren’t they from the Earth? How could they not be able to visit it?

My thoughts felt like an ocean and I was struggling to swim through it. Scenario after scenario popped up in my head. Did something happen to the Earth? Maybe it fell victim to a Stellaron. But if that was the case, then how much time had passed since I had been there? I thought for sure it had only been a week since I transmigrated to Belobog, but what if it was much longer?

No no no. Calm down Zenith.

I took a deep breath. He said the Astral Express won’t be able to visit it. Did that imply there were other ways to visit it? What about the… what the heck were they called, the IPC? Could the IPC visit Earth?

I needed more information. But that could wait. There wasn’t a rush. I had time. There was a meal in front of me that I hadn’t finished. Mom always said not to waste food.

If every day was as much of an emotional rollercoaster like this I would be going gray before I hit 26.

Chapter Text

When I was young, and to a small degree even now, I often used to feel that I never fit in anywhere. I had no real trouble making friends. Yeah I could be awkward, but it wasn’t as if I didn’t know how to talk to people or know the right thing to say at the right time. But even if I was surrounded by people I considered ‘friends’ I never truly felt a connect.

It was weird. People would describe friends as this sort of thing where you just understood everything about them, or maybe you wanted to know more about them, or maybe you didn’t know about them-

Hmm. Let me retry this.

People would describe friends as some sort of tether that bound the two. There would be this deliberate, tangible connection that could be innately felt from the both of them. That there was this clear line of ‘Oh I belong here.’ and everything else just happened to fall into place.

That really never happened for me. Not even when I was an adult. Later on in life, I just learned to ignore it because I didn’t really care if I got along with someone or not. But early on it was something that bugged me because I just couldn’t tell if there was something wrong with me or if I just didn’t find the right people.

I had looked it up, but the closest thing that I could get to was that some people identified such a thing as ‘Imposter Syndrome’. Yet, that wasn’t really right, as it wasn’t that I felt inadequate or didn’t deserve to be there, I just didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere.

I could fit in anywhere, be friends with anyone, yet I never felt like I belonged. And it wasn’t the fact that I didn’t feel like I belonged that bothered me, it was trying to figure out why I didn’t feel like I belonged that bothered me.

But, well… sometimes it's not worth worrying about such things. Sometimes it's not worth worrying about the why, or the how. Sometimes you just have to tell your overthinking anxious brain to shut up and look the facts in the face.

Because friends had your back. And when they needed it, you would have theirs.

Chapter 9. My Heart, Your Wings.

It was easier than it should have been to hide my shock at the notion that the Express couldn’t visit Earth. I simply had to keep shoveling food into my mouth and keep myself busy. I couldn’t recall what any of it tasted like.

I nibbled on pieces of the potato salad while stewing in my thoughts. It was… difficult to follow along with the conversation. March was recounting the entire experience of Belobog to the table, with Stelle and Dan Heng adding their two cents in when necessary.

The entire thing reminded me of a family dinner, one person usually had some outrageous story to tell the rest of the family and everyone would chip in at times. It flowed seamlessly between each person. Welt and Himeko would ask questions about the things they missed, March would answer to the best of her ability, Stelle filled in some missing details and Dan Heng gave the rational behind everything.

I… didn't speak much. There wasn't much for me to say. I only spoke when spoken to and tried my best to listen to keep my thoughts from wandering off.

I waited until everyone was done eating. Dan Heng and Welt took everyone’s plates while Himeko and March excused themselves for their own things. I was left alone with Stelle, and excused myself quickly.

I vaguely registered the sound of another chair scraping before I stopped in my tracks when there was a small tug on my sleeve.

“Are you okay?” Stelle asked me softly.

I opened my mouth quickly to shoot off a reflexive deflection. But I found that I couldn't. Not that anything was preventing me from doing so but that I was reluctant to do so. I just… didn't want to lie more than I had to.

Because was I really okay? Physically sure? But mentally? I just wanted to go home.

“It's just… a lot. I guess.” I decided on saying, facing Stelle as I spoke.

She was taller than me, so I had to look up to make eye contact. Her warm, amber eyes were pinched a bit in concern.

“Yeah. It's a lot to take in. I was the same way.” Stelle said. “But I basically had nowhere to go except the Express. I'd imagine it's a bit different than you.”

“I-I don't know. I wouldn’t want to compare.”

“Mmm.” Stelle hummed, frowning as she thought. It was like she was trying to find the right words to say. “You just seemed a bit out of it?”

…Did I? I had thought I did an okay job hiding it during dinner. Maybe not, or maybe Stelle was just more keen than I gave her credit for.

“Oh. Uh, sorry. I was just… thinking.”

Stelle shook her head. “No it's not like it was really noticeable. I only noticed because I realized you hadn’t said anything since the start.”

Ah. Should have spoken up more. I inhaled deeply.

“What I'm trying to say is that everyone already considers you a friend and you shouldn't hesitate to lean on us if you need.” Stelle continued.

Oh. I blinked.

There was a tiny feeling of heat on my cheeks as I replied. “Thank… you. That means a lot.”

I wasn't sure how much it meant, my feelings were a mess. But I know it meant something.

“I'll let you go now, but I just wanted to let you know that.”

“Thank you, Stelle.”

There was a small fluttering in my heart as I left.

Himeko was who I met next. I ran into her in the cabin halls and she gave me a bright smile. I wondered briefly if it was possible to tie in increasing the brightness of lights to a smile.

“Hello Zenith.” She said cheerfully.

“Hello Himeko.” I tried my best to return her smile.

“I know that our conversation earlier regarding the reconstruction of the Astral Express was interrupted, but I just wanted to say that I was quite happy to find someone else to discuss it with.” Himeko said.

I blinked. “Oh. I’m glad! It was pretty interesting, even if I don’t really understand all the new engineering technology.”

“Are you interested in engineering?”

“Very much so.” I nodded, there was a slight feeling of relief as the topic strayed into something I was much more comfortable with. “Although I’m not the best when it comes to stuff like mechanical engineering… I’m much more of a technology and coding type of person.”

“Oh! Wonderful! It’s always so nice to have someone else to chat with about it. Space technology is an absolute wonder to dive into and I’m sure you’ll pick things up quickly! March has told me a lot about how quick you were to notice even small details during your adventure.” Himeko smiled brightly, seemingly enthused about finding a nerd buddy to geek out with.

I mean, I felt the same way to a much smaller extent. Who wouldn’t be excited to learn about this kind of stuff? It was literally the equivalent of getting rocketed into some futuristic environment and then having access to all the details about how SPACE TRAVEL works.

“I’ll try my best to learn, I have a feeling that whatever it is I’m used to is practically ancient technology compared to what you’re using.” I smiled.

“Don’t worry about it! You’d be surprised at how esoteric some of the technology that the Express originally used, and even then there’s always going to be tech that is miles better than what you’re used to, the exciting part is always learning more!”

I chuckled. Yeah that sounded pretty accurate. Himeko and I probably had a lot more in common than I would have initially guessed.

“Then I guess I’m looking forward to our lessons?” I left open ended.

“We’ll schedule a date soon and talk about it over some coffee.” Himeko said.

My face flushed a bit at the wording but I nodded nonetheless. “Just let me know when.”

We parted after that, but my chest felt just a bit lighter.

I nearly ran face first into Dan Heng after my chat with Himeko. We both stopped ourselves before any collision occurred.

“Oh. It’s you.” He said.

In my experience, when someone said that it usually wasn't a good thing. But… it’s not like I did anything bad? Did he not like the fact that I joined the Express?

“Uh. Hi. It’s me.” I replied.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

Scenarios ran through my head. Dan Heng wasn’t the most expressive person around, but he was usually pretty clear-headed. Did I do something to offend him?

“Nothing bad I hope?” I asked.

He shook his head. “I wanted to know what sort of experience you have with weapons. I know you said you were a non-combatant back on Belobog, but as a new passenger of the Express you might need some training.”

Oh. That was… surprisingly nice of him. I say surprisingly but that revealed a rather rude inner bias in my head. Was I projecting myself onto him a little? Damn. I needed to check that.

“Ah! I… don’t really have any experience in combat, or weapons, at all. The most I can do is…” I racked my brains for anything that could even be considered combat-like. I hadn’t even shot a gun before. “I can swing a bat…?”

I was expecting to be rebuked or told that didn’t count, but Dan Heng just nodded. “That’s a good start. You’re not the tallest but your build would likely be good for spears. Bows might also be a good fit for you as well but I… don’t quite know how experienced March is at teaching.”

It took me a second to parse his sentence. His statement about my height would have normally irked me but I recognized what it was he was saying. He was offering tuteluge.

“That- uh. If you’re offering to teach me then I’d be delighted. I just-, no offense, but why?” I couldn’t help but ask.

Dan Heng didn’t seem offended by the question, he even gave me a small smile.

“You’re a passenger of the Express which means you’re also a part of the friends and family we have here. People are going to worry about you, and you should learn some self-defense to assuage those feelings.” He explained.

Oh. That… wasn’t really something I was expecting to hear. The matter of fact way he said it made it clear how it was the truth.

“Whenever you’re free then… Please teach me some self-defense.”

“Of course. We’ll plan some things after we settle on our next destination.” He told me. “I’m going to get some rest before the meeting, so I’ll be off.”

Just as quickly as we bumped into each other, he was off.

At that point, I wasn’t much surprised that I happened to run into March. The bubbly girl practically jumped my way when she saw me.

“Zenith!” She called, giving me a greeting in a big wave.

“Hi March.” I said in return, giving a wave of my own despite the fact that there was hardly any distance between us. It felt a bit awkward, but March’s cheerfulness dissolved that away.

“I’m glad I saw you! We need to talk about how little you brought onto the Express!” She exclaimed as if I had done a grave sin.

“I… brought my clothes and a few personal belongings?” I said in confusion.

“And that’s exactly it! I know how some people don’t bring or have that much, but that’s all the more reason to explore new things to try!”

I really wasn’t following where she was going. “What sort of new things were you thinking of?”

“Seele told us about how you write, but what about other hobbies? Maybe you want to try out new clothes now that you have access to a wider variety, or maybe you want to pick up a new skill!”

I thought about it a bit, she had a point. “I haven’t really thought about it to be honest.”

“How about starting with photography then? We can go through photos I took of Belobog and make a scrapbook of the journey together! I even have some pictures of you!” March said happily.

“Of- Of me?” I sputtered. How could I have not noticed?

“Yeah! I always take pictures of the precious memories, and since you’re also a part of the Express crew now, that makes pictures of your start even more precious! Just think of it as your origin story!” March exclaimed.

Origin story- I couldn’t help the giggle that rose up. “Okay okay. That sounds fun to me then. You’re the photography expert so you’re going to have to show me how to do things.”

“Of course! Leave it to me, March 7th!”

Her cheerfulness was infectious. So much so that I couldn’t stop the smile from forming on my face.

“Heh.” I snickered.

“There you go!” March said suddenly.

“Huh?”

“You’re smiling! You always seem really lost in thought, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay!”

I was speechless at that. I had thought that I did a good job with my poker face to hide how I felt, but for Stelle and March to notice? Did Dan Heng and Himeko also notice? Did… did everyone notice? Or was that simply how I appeared to everyone else? Maybe they didn’t notice at all and they simply went out of their way to talk to me?

Because they… already considered me one of them?

My throat felt considerably tight when I went to respond. “T-Thank you.” I tried my best to keep the stutter out, but failed still.

“Of course. You’ll have a lot of fun on the Express. I promise.”

Heh. I knew parts of future events already, but March sounded like she had seen even further than that with how confident she said that.

I sought out Welt myself after meeting with March. I found him in the kitchen cabin, humming along to some tune that was vaguely familiar as he washed the dishes.

“Do you… need some help with that?” I said, alerting him of my presence.

I had the feeling that he was fully aware of me from the start, but he still greeted me warmly. “Hello Zenith. No that won’t be needed. I like doing mundane little tasks like these, they’re a good way to remind us of the small things in life.”

I sort of knew what he meant. It was easy to get lost in emotions, or feelings, or whatever life threw at you. But at the end of the day you always had the small little things such as laundry and dishes to come back to. They might be a pain to do but… when everything else was hectic and chaotic, they were routine.

“I know what you mean.” I agreed. “I just wanted to say… Thank you for the warm welcome. I-I apologize if I wasn’t the best mannered during lunch.”

It was difficult to get the words out, but the more I thought about how everyone talked to me after lunch the more I realized that they weren’t just people who I shared space with. They were people that already considered me a friend, or family, or whatever equivalent was in their eyes.

It was just… something I couldn’t quite fathom. But the facts were presented before me, and I had to look back on my behavior. I wasn’t necessarily rude, but they went out of their way to give me a warm welcome. I needed to show them that I truly did appreciate it.

Welt just smiled at me. I couldn’t quite think of him as a friend, or family, just yet, but the care was evident.

“Of course. We’re all happy to have another passenger on board.” He stopped his work on the dishes as he said this and dried his hands. “Trailblazing is something that is different for everyone, and everyone will have different goals and experiences, but the one thing that is shared between everyone is the journey and will to push forward despite everything else.”

I thought about the experiences that I had already been through. The fragmentum, the Stellaron, Cocolia.

“You’ve been through some experiences already, but now you’re a part of the crew, and you’ll share this journey with everyone. They’ll all have your back, and in turn, you’ll eventually have theirs. I don’t know what sort of goal you have, or much else about you beyond what I’ve been told, but just by stepping foot onto the Astral Express you’ve already demonstrated your will to push forward.” Welt continued. “I would even say that you’re already a Trailblazer as much as the rest of us.”

Oh.

I truly didn’t know what to say to that.

It brought things into mind, what I had before, what I have now. What I went through and what I’d be going through still.

“T-Thanks.” I stuttered out. I tried my best to ignore how watery it sounded.

“Of course.” Welt smiled again, I think, it was difficult to see for some reason. “It’ll be some time before we hold our meeting. You should get some rest in your room.”

I could recognize the out that he was giving me. “Yeah I’ll-um. I’ll do that.” I managed to get out.

“Take care, Zenith.”

I didn’t cry. I truly didn’t. If my pillow had tear marks on them it was just because I yawned too much. Or- Or- something. It didn’t matter.

But I could feel the tightness in my heart, the strings that had been tightened out of necessity, the loosening of chords by the people I was surrounded by.

It felt… nice.

I couldn’t remember the last time that I had been surrounded by people who truly cared. I had thought that I had become desensitized to such things, that the thoughts and emotions of people who were essentially strangers didn’t matter to me beyond the basic respect that we held for each other as humans.

But maybe… that I was wrong.

It had only been one day, had I… already gotten attached?

I shivered despite the fact that I wasn’t cold.

I wanted to go home. I wanted to see my Mom, and visit my Dad. I wanted to talk to my friends again, check on my cats.

But if I was stuck here, if I couldn’t go home just quite yet… then I suppose it wasn’t the worst feeling.

I was scared to get close. What if I never wanted to leave?

Chapter Text

This probably isn’t too much of a surprise to hear but I’m not the best at sports. I have good reflexes, and when I say good I mean good. But my body is… definitely out of shape. Even when I was younger and I actually did sports I wasn’t good.

I was slow, so running bases were always bad. My arm was weak so making long throws never went well. I was small so I was always at risk of being completely bowled over by people taller than me. And it just got worse as I grew up.

Although that’s not the reason I started being a computer nerd. I think I was that way from birth. My parents had an old (though it was new at the time) PC that I occasionally got a chance to use when I was young. I was someone who spent all my spare time reading books instead of interacting with other kids. So getting a chance to use the PC was like an entirely new world just for me.

The old internet was the wild west. There was crazy stuff on there. People were stupid, dumb, had zero idea what they were doing. Personal security was horrendous and basically amounted to ‘never tell anyone personal details’.

For multiplayer games it was like I could connect with people on things that I was interested in. Most people my age had zero interest in books. I remember being one of the only kids who consistently went to the library in my elementary school. I would always check out a few of the kid series and this one specific book about board games. That board game book had all these specialized openers for chess, and went into detail about Go and Backgammon.

I was really good at chess. There was this chess club in elementary school and I got to a point where I could consistently beat the two adults who chaperoned it. I was proud of it at the time, but looking back they probably weren’t trying too hard.

But those early years definitely shaped my later ones. To some degree I regret not keeping up with sports, even if I wasn’t good enough to stay in it. It probably would have been nice to be in some shape rather than no shape. I could always just work out but god it’s so hard starting each time. My skinny little body feels like it’ll snap in half sometimes.

Basically what I’m saying is. If a tall, strong, pretty woman decided to throw me around there would be literally nothing I could do.

Or, alternatively, if anyone decided that they wanted to snatch me away it would be the easiest thing in the world.

Chapter 10. Do Kidnappers Dream of Mechanical Sheep.

“Zenith, please open your eyes. I don’t really have time for napping even while dreaming today.” A voice called to me.

I was shaken awake by someone. I mumbled as I got up from my spot on the… couch? I looked around a bit before focusing back on the sole other person in the room. Like my past few dreams, their features were blurry and any sort of sensory detail I could make out washed over me.

But I’d met them before, I think. Definitely. Maybe not in person but I’d definitely dreamt of them before.

They sighed as they saw me staring. “When spring comes…” They said, staring at me as they spoke.

“Uh… flowers bloom? It gets warmer?” I guessed. I really had no idea what they were trying to say.

They hummed. It was a beautiful sound. Like it harmonized with the very air itself. “How many times have we met before?” She asked.

How many times have I had this dream? “This is the second time? I think?” I answered.

She nodded, as if my answer made some sort of sense. “Alright. I’ve met you eight times. But you’ve only met me twice. Your powers… really don’t make sense to me, but I already knew this.”

My eyebrows raised. My powers? Was this related to being a Record-Keeper? Bronya was doing me a favor and looking for it in the Belobogian archives, but she hadn’t yet found anything. I had thought these were just dreams, but what if they were more?

I’ve met her twice, she’s met me eight times. Were our dreams linked or something? That didn’t explain the discrepancy in encounters. Maybe previous Zenith met with her?

Why is it that every single day I spend in this place more and more things get confusing? I could only hope that things got explained down the line.

“Listen. We probably don’t have much time. You told me that your visits from earlier iterations would be short. Remember this for me. ‘When spring comes, magnolias wither.’” She continued.

I nodded. “When spring comes, magnolias wither.” I repeated.

“If we ever meet in person I’ll use that to confirm you remember. If you don’t then I’ll have to proceed with the original plan. But that bridge will have to be crossed when we get there.”

“I… alright?” What sort of stuff did I get myself involved in?

“If it’s only your second time… Did you board the Express yet?”

Was I confused? Yep. Did it matter? Nope. “Yeah. I just boarded today.”

“Ah… Good luck then.” She coughed. “The cage has two vipers. Heads of white and black. The Ranger weeps tears of red.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Should I be writing this down?”

“When you wake up, please.”

“Sure.”

“Thank you. You're always sweet. I'll give you a private concert if we ever meet.”

“Ah… is there a name I should call you?”

The girl was silent for a moment. Something by her sides flickered, they almost looked like feathers?

She sighed. “You said you would call me ‘Primadonna’ as a code name. You refused to tell me why.”

It took me a beat to register the name but I snickered. I couldn’t help it. It was hilarious even if I didn’t remember doing so. Did I have old Zenith to thank for that?

“You’re laughing again! I don’t know what’s so funny! If it was anyone else I would take offense to that name you know?” She almost sounded offended, but it seemed like it was more out of exasperation.

“Primadonna girl.” I giggled.

“Is this one of your weird pop culture references that no one gets besides you?”

“Possibly. ” I smiled.

There was a knock on the door. Primadonna straightened out and got serious. “Okay. Time to wake up Zenith. Don’t forget what I said and please write everything down.”

“Uh, Alright-”

I was startled out of the rest of my sentence when the girl cupped my cheeks with her hands. She forced our eyes to make contact, and even if the information slipped over my mind, I found myself strangely transfixed.

“Wake-” She said, her voice carried some strange power to it. “-up.”

I jolted awake as the memories of the dream flowed into me. A feeling of dread welled up as I tried to decipher what the actual hell just happened. That was much too lucid for me to be comfortable with.

It took me a bit to scramble for my phone but I wrote everything that was in the dream, including whatever code phrases that Primadonna gave me. I had absolutely zero idea who she could possibly be.

If I thought about it logically. It was entirely possible that she was someone who was added in a later update that I never played, or even more likely she was someone who wasn’t even a part of Star Rail as a whole. There was an entire universe out there, why did people have to be confined to it just what happened in the game?

Now that I think about it. How the hell did Star Rail depict an entire universe and I’m now in that universe? It was supposed to just be a game. Obviously it was real or I wouldn’t be here, but was it possible that they knew it was real and wrote a story about it?

Oh I am staying the hell out of this thought activity. I am not questioning the literal existence of the universe today.

Right.

So.

I blanked again.

My dreams… connected with other people? Connected with their dreams? But that was weird. It seemed like a dream to me, a lucid one, but she wasn’t acting like it was a dream. And how did she know me?

Ugh. I needed more answers, but time was a finite resource that I was sorely lacking in. I only took a nap to stop myself from worrying myself to death due to the fact that Earth wasn’t accessible from the Astral Express.

Sleeping away my problems was a tale as old as time, but one I used when things got too overwhelming.

Of course, instead of getting anything remotely close to peace and relaxation, all I got were even more questions. I had an entire list of question marks at this point.

My overarching goal was still to find a way to get back home. But my secondary objectives were finding out more about my power, learning more about the Remembrance, figure out what happened to Zenith, finding out who Primadonna is… as well as that other girl I talked to in my dreams, and of course to stay alive.

How did my list of goals expand from simply finding a way back home and staying alive so quickly?

I sighed.

I could go bother Messenger and get a few of those answered, but what the hell did it mean that I was ‘dangerous?’

Checking my phone again, I saw that there were a few new messages in the group chat. Pom-Pom was done with all the checkups and they’re getting ready to head off to the new destination. They wanted everyone in the lounge to get ready.

I quickly checked my reflection before heading out. I looked like crap, frankly, but all I did was straighten out my hair from the tangled mess that it became when I took a nap. After that I looked serviceable enough.

Stelle was the first one to notice me appearing, and gave me a smile and wave. March did the same from beside her. I smiled back and took a seat next to both of them. Himeko and Welt were conversing with Pom-Pom for a bit.

“What’s the news?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I’m almost as new to this as you are. We’re just waiting on Dan Heng now. He said he’d be here.”

“Himeko will announce the next destination soon!” March said.

Welt walked over from his conversation. It seemed to have been finished. “I hope everyone is ready. Dan Heng still hasn’t showed up so we’re going to start without him. Himeko will fill him in later.”

All three of us nodded.

“Alright then! Our Warp Navigation meeting has officially begun then!” Pom-Pom said. They turned to me and gave me a wave. “Hello Zenith! I’m Pom-Pom, you have probably heard that I’m the conductor for the Express.”

It was the first time I had met Pom-Pom and they were everything I thought they would be. Pom-Pom was a small, rabbit-like creature and they had two big fluffy ears that drooped from the top of their head. Their fur was gray and white, reminding me slightly of a zebra, and they had big blue eyes.

Meeting a walking talking sentient semi-anthropomorphic being was one of the most normal things that I had done in days. I was hardly fazed.

“I’ve heard about you.” I smiled at them. “It’s nice to finally meet you, conductor.”

They gave me a bright smile in return. “It’s always nice to have new passengers! Sit tight because your first meeting starts now!”

And, as if on queue. The lights flickered off for a moment. The Astral Express was plunged into darkness for a brief moment, eliciting a gasp of surprise from March and causing all of us who were sitting to stand in surprise. When the lights came back on a few beats later, there was the holographic form of a woman holding an umbrella at the deck of the Express.

Finally. I swallowed my nerves. I wasn’t quite sure if things were going to proceed as I remembered, but it seemed they were. It made sense, if I remembered they operated according to a script.

The woman who had yet to introduce herself. The woman who I knew was a Stellaron Hunter. The woman who had mysterious ties to the gray haired Trailblazer that was beside me.

Kafka had appeared, ready for her performance.

And I had a front row seat.

“Long time no see, Astral Express crew.”

Kafka was a woman unlike I had ever seen. While others that I had met throughout my short time here held beauty. Kafka had that and more. She had poise, and grace. Each stride was like flowing water, seamlessly transitioning to the next one that made it feel more like an intricate alluring dance than just walking.

Each step of her heels against the ground clicked and echoed, despite the hologram. It was like a chime that rang, resonating within myself. Each sentence that poured from her lips felt like a poetry of roses, thorns elongated and deadly, but ever so beautiful. It made me want to reach forward, to pluck them, even if I knew that I would be pricked.

I felt stunned. Like even if I wanted to say something I couldn’t. Just her presence alone felt overwhelming.

I was an insect, caught in her web. And she hadn’t even spared me a single glance.

“I’d like for you to make a… destination alteration.” Kafka declared.

Himeko cut in with an attempt to disparage Kafka. She brought up the Hunter’s bounty, but Kafka waved it off. Claiming that the higher the figure the bigger of a compliment it was. I remembered the gist of this conversation, but not the exact back and forth.

I took a glance at Stelle. She seemed enraptured by the Stellaron Hunter. There was an indecipherable emotion in her eyes. If I had to wager a guess? Longing.

There was a small bit of back and forth that I missed while looking at Stelle.

“We’re not going to cooperate with Stellaron Hunters, Kafka. It was a nice talk but next time show up in person and maybe we can work things out.” Himeko said.

Kafka didn’t seem to even care for what Himeko said. It was as if she didn’t even hear her. “Have you all ever heard of the Luofu?” She asked. It felt more rhetorical than anything.

“The Xianzhou Luofu?” Welt spoke up.

“Mhm.” Kafka confirmed. The way she said that made me shiver despite the distance. “It’s only a couple of warp jumps away. Forty-five system hours ago they had a Stellaron burst. Quite… unexpected, don’t you think?”

“And what are you trying to do with us? We aren’t the alliance. If you hunters happen to draw the attention of Lan, they’ll chase you to the end of the universe.”

“Get to the point, Hunter.” Himeko said.

Kafka smiled. It was a cold, cruel thing. “One of my companions, Blade, was taken by the Alliance. We have nothing to do with the Stellaron, but the Xianzhou is convinced it was us. I just want to bring him back, resolve this Stellaron crisis, and clear our names.” She shrugged as if everything she said was simply another friday.

To her, it very well could be. Who knew what those hunters got up to in their spare time.

March spoke with a huff. “Yeah right. You just show up after a Stellaron burst, sounds like it’s too much of a coincidence to me.”

I noticed the way Kafka’s eyes slid over both me and Stelle, as if we didn’t even register to her.

“We should help Ka- the Xianzhou.” Stelle spoke softly.

I wasn’t sure if anyone else noticed her slipup, March seemed to be too enraged by the fact that Kafka had hijacked our meeting.

“Why are you listening to her? The Alliance is strong enough to handle a single Stellaron burst! We’re the Astral Express, not a Stellaron Bomb-squad!”

“Of course.” Kafka spoke, almost as if purposefully provoking March. “You could simply not get involved. The Stellaron hasn’t affected this area of space yet, so you could be off and go to your next world, but sooner or later the star rail here will be blocked off more than it was before.”

“Hmph.” March sniffed.

She smiled and paused. “I can tell you what the future holds. If you don’t go to the Luofu, the Stellaron will eventually contaminate the entire ship and over half the inhabitants will perish. You brave and fearless Trailblazers can’t remain indifferent to that, can you?”

…I could. But I wouldn’t vocalize that thought.

“What about your companion, Blade, he’d perish as well, right?” Himeko asked.

“No comment.” Kafka said. “Here are the coordinates. It’s up to you on how to proceed. Our destinations may differ, but the orbits of the stars will eventually converge. See you later.”

And then, as quickly as she had appeared. Kafka was gone. The lights flickered off for a beat.

It was then that I felt goosebumps rise on my skin. As if something incredibly wrong was about to happen.

“Don’t think I forgot about you. Little Miss Extra. You’ll listen for my call won’t you?” I heard Kafka whisper into my ear.

I turned so fast that I nearly snapped my neck. Over my shoulder was the disappearing hologram of Kafka’s hair, vanishing into tiny wisps of light before the Express lit back up.

My heart was pounding in its cage and all my senses were on alert. What the hell was that? Did I… imagine that? No, I wasn’t crazy. Anxious sure, but certainly not crazy. I had managed to keep my cool throughout that entire encounter. All up until the end.

Why me? Little Miss Extra?

The thought of that caused dread to well up within me.

Did the Stellaron Hunters know I wasn’t from here? How? Was I not in their script? Was I interfering in some way?

“Are you alright, Zenith? You’re really pale. I know that Hunter came out of nowhere but we don’t have to listen to her! Don’t let her get to you!” March said to me, clearly concerned.

I simply nodded as I did anything to attempt to slow my racing heart. I felt too lightheaded and sat back down. My vision was swimming and I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't tell them what Kafka had said. They had other things to think about and I didn't want to shake things up too much. If I said something unnecessary they might change things.

“I’m fine.” I croaked out. “Just a little shaken by that.”

“I promise this doesn’t normally happen.” March tried to reassure me. Bless her heart.

Stelle seemed concerned but was clearly prioritizing her own thoughts. I knew it couldn’t be easy for her. Most of her past was clearly tied with Kafka, after all.

With the meeting derailed, it was refocused on a vote as to whether or not the Astral Express should help out the Alliance. There was a short break before we did so, one where March caught Dan Heng up with everything and one that I spent going over everything I knew about the Xianzhou.

My knowledge was quickly coming to an end. At most I knew that this was something that needed to be done. The Mara infection had been spreading across the Xianzhou and was a prominent point of concern. But other than that, my usefulness had ended.

I didn’t know more about the situation. I didn’t know why it happened. I didn’t know who was pulling the strings. I just knew that the Stellaron Hunters truly weren’t behind it. But they were steering it to be favorable.

Technically, that didn’t make them good guys. They were anti-heroes at most. But they weren’t out to hurt us. I could trust Kafka wouldn’t want to hurt Stelle, at least.

All I needed to do now was survive. Simple right?

While I simmered in my own thoughts, the rest of the crew had started a discussion. I paid close attention to what everyone said, but it was practically decided from the start. Himeko, Welt and Stelle wanted to help out. March was against it and Dan Heng abstained. I voted in favor of helping out.

Democracy rules, even in space.

With that, we almost immediately set out to warp jump. I was a tiny bit anxious of how it would work, but it reminded me a lot of a monorail or subway. It started out slow at first, just a small lurch as the train started up, before it accelerated quickly. Its speed culminated in one singular moment in time where it felt like everything was squeezed together in one spot of tension until it relaxed back and chugged to a slow stop.

The words I could use to describe it paled in comparison to the actual experience.

Welt, Stelle and March were the ones to go on the ‘adventure’ this time. Dan Heng and Himeko were staying behind. I was as well, for obvious reasons.

When they were off, each of us went off to our own devices. Himeko was doing some maintenance on the Express as well as attempting to get any more information she could about the situation from other sources. Dan Heng… retreated back to his room. I wasn’t quite sure what he was doing.

I decided to use my spare time scouring the archives for everything that was known about Kafka. Suffice to say. I found it.

It was three lines that told me absolutely nothing new. I sighed at the waste of time and mimicked Dan Heng, retreating back to my own room in defeat.

Entering my room was odd. There was a ringing sound that I could distinctly recognize as my phone. Except, the current phone that I had on me was silent. I rummaged through my stuff until I found my old phone. Zenith’s phone. The one that I couldn’t get into.

I had placed it off to the side as something to research for later. I needed to get into it someday, as it probably had answers to plenty of my questions. But until then I had put it on the back burner.

So how was it ringing? There was no SIM card. It wasn’t even connected to whatever WiFi equivalent the Express had. Yet it sat there, buzzing incessantly.

Encrypted caller, it said.

I grabbed it and picked it up, sliding the bright green accept call button. It worked despite the fact that it was locked. I knew this from Belobog.

“Hello?” I hesitantly said.

“Oh. She really did answer.” A slightly nasally voice said from the other side.

I swallowed nerves that suddenly leapt up my throat. That voice was familiar. Not a recent one that I had heard, but one… long ago.

There was the ruffling of noise, as if the phone on the other side had been bumped or passed around.

“Of course she did.” A voice I heard not even an hour ago said. A familiar, knowing, confident voice. A voice belonging to the woman who showed herself in front of us in hologram form. “After all, extras are always so good at listening. Aren’t they?”

My body locked up. Like every single nerve had gone numb and I no longer had control over them.

“Everyone has their part to play. Even you, little miss Remembrance. How nice of you to deliver yourself right to us.” Kafka continued to speak, nigh monologuing.

The mention of Remembrance drained away every single emotion except for dread. I recalled vividly, not even a full twenty-four hours ago, how Messenger told me that being a pathstrider of Remembrance put a huge target on me.

But I- I had thought that wouldn’t apply to the Stellaron Hunters. They weren’t supposed to do this. This wasn’t at all like the game. What did they even need me for? I had no powers that were useful. All I could do was dream about incomprehensible stuff and I couldn’t even control that!

I needed to scream. Anything. Alert Himeko or Dan Heng, or hell if I should shoot off a text to the three that left maybe I would be fine. But my body refused to work. My jaw was locked in place.

“You’ll walk yourself right to your space anchor and stay right there. Remember, don’t make any noise.” Kafka commanded. I could feel myself move. It was like I was a marionette, and Kafka was the puppeteer. My movements were jittery and felt like they were being tugged on by a string, but step by step I continued forward. “Sam, would you be a dear and pick her up? Silver Wolf will give you a ride.”

I had to stop myself. Maybe I could trip and fall, and it would break the spell. But even when I almost fell my body righted itself before it could tumble down. It was terrifying, not being in control of your own body.

Why? Why did they need me? Why me? How did I even get on their radar? How did my phone ring? Silver Wolf? Fuck.

No, no no no no. This couldn’t be happening. I had to stop myself. I needed to stop moving! But nothing I did mattered.

I touched the space anchor in the Express and felt myself travel to the Xianzhou. No one on the Express was any the wiser.

When my vision cleared. I was face to face with a mechanical suit of armor. It was nearly a full torso’s length taller than me.

Its arm flashed, and I felt a hard bump against the back of my neck. I could feel my senses immediately begin to darken as my body slowly slumped forward.

Fuck. I thought… that shit… only worked in movies.

Everything went black as I fell into mechanical arms.

Chapter Text

Let's talk about poetry because a certain two lovebirds make me sick with their constant references to it.

I hate poetry.

I hate everything about it. I hate the vague descriptions. I hate the flowery language that only alludes. I hate how people can get lost in its meaning, sniffling and crying as the meaning of the poem overwhelms them with emotion.

I hated poetry because I loved poetry.

I don't get it. I could write hundreds of pages of poetry and yet it'll come out blank and elicit no response because I'm missing some odd part of me that handles sympathy for strangers. Are my emotions too regulated in truly compromising situations? Am I too efficient at compartmentalizing that I stifle this side of me? Is it because I can't help but break down relationships into logical strings because I've never really understood what it meant to TRUST someone?

Every single slam poetry competition. 3rd place. 2nd place. 3rd place. 4th place.

Why? My acting was better. My words were better. My enunciation, timing, emphasis on important details were all better. It did not. Make. Sense.

How did I start talking about this again? All I've done is upset myself.

Hah. Did I ever mention that I initially declared myself as an English Major? I took one semester of that and decided that it wasn't for me.

I'm scraping this journal entry.

Sorry.

Chapter 11. Six Trillion Years and An Overnight Meeting

There’s this common misconception when it comes to the difference between getting knocked out, and sleeping. This misconception stems heavily from the way that both of these are depicted in the media, but the reality is that when someone is knocked out they don’t just start dreaming. Being knocked out usually only lasts a few minutes, so the brain never has a chance to enter REM cycle state of sleeping which is required for dreaming. Of course, to actually be knocked out your brain needs to be shaken up enough that it interrupts your consciousness.

So when a big mechanical suit hit me on my neck and I was knocked out. It was like someone flicked a switch off and on rapidly and that was my consciousness. One moment I was outside and the next I was waking up, feeling as if I had just been hit by a bus.

Being knocked unconscious is not good for anyone. It’s essentially a means of different parts of your brain being battered or bumped around in a way that turns the conscious part of them off. What are other results of your brain being battered or bumped around? A concussion!

Did I have a concussion?

I had no idea. It wasn’t as if I was a medical professional or whatever. But everything spun and I felt dizzy just from staying still. My back was against some sort of pavement… or dirt and even attempting to get myself up caused a wave of nausea to roll through my body.

The most I could do was turn my head to take in my surroundings. I was in some sort of… camp. It looked like a regular camping site, with trees surrounding me, a tent pitched up onto the side, an actual campfire in the middle of it all and the same mechanical suit sitting on a log bench.

They must have just realized I was awake or known this entire time, as they seemed to be gazing straight at me. It caused a claw of fear to wrap around my heart but my sickness prevented me from really being able to react in any way.

Although it was difficult. I could string together enough coherent thoughts to assess my situation. Kafka had… hypnotized me or whatever she did with her powers and brought me outside against my will. If I recall correctly, someone named ‘Sam’ was to pick me up. Which meant I could designate the mechanical suit as ‘Sam’.

Kafka specifically mentioned the Remembrance when it came to me and how I had a part to play. I… could probably safely guess that I wasn’t in danger of dying, for now. They probably needed, or wanted, my powers.

I knew of Kafka’s powers to get people to do what she wanted. But I didn’t know that it worked even over the phone or hologram. Even then I thought if I simply kept my head down and minded my own business everything would go along smoothly. Nothing from my actions in Belobog should have carried over… so why?

Sam was staring at me. I couldn’t tell if it was more or less unnerving when I couldn’t even see their eyes. Was there someone inside the suit? Or was the suit itself a person? I knew that robots existed and were real people as much as flesh and blood humans.

But to think the Stellaron Hunters had someone along those lines. I made a mistake in just researching Kafka. I should have taken even five more minutes to give a precursory look over the others. I was relying too much on what I knew from before. I didn’t even remember Sam from the game’s initial launch. They must not have had a part to play.

But not having a part to play on the main stage didn’t mean they weren’t part of the crew. Even the mainstage actors are supported by a sound and tech crew, and I already knew that Silver Wolf was someone who liked to be backstage.

Shit. I had gotten overconfident hadn’t I? I didn’t even mention to anyone that Kafka had spoken to me.

I wasn’t quite sure how long I had been stewing in my thoughts, especially with how sluggish they mostly came to me, but it must have been long enough because when I attempted to move again I felt marginally better. Enough so that I wasn’t at risk at expelling my guts just from turning my head too fast.

Attempting to push myself up got a comment from the only other occupant at the camp.

“Save your strength for later, Zenith. You’ll need it.” Sam commented.

I ignored them and stood up. I surveyed the mechanical person, were they saying that from a place of sympathy? Or a promise for worse for later? It was hard to tell. Any sort of normal nuance that came from the human voice was distorted or filtered by the mechanical sounding vocals.

I patted myself down. There was a flicker of hope that ran through me when I felt the familiar feeling of a phone in the pocket of my top, but that was quickly dashed when I realized it was my Belobog phone. The one that I couldn’t get into.

Other than that, I really didn’t have much. It didn’t seem like I was messed with beside that, but my phone was clearly placed back with me rather than taken away.

“You don’t have reception here.” Sam spoke up again.

I glanced at them and turned my phone on. I couldn’t unlock it but I could clearly see the status of reception being dead courtesy of my lack of a SIM card. If I took the factor of my SIM card out, and took what they said at face value, then it was a similar situation a week ago regarding the reception.

In Belobog, when in the fragmentum, my phone buzzed yet nothing came through. Coincidences might happen in life, but somehow I doubted that was the case here.

I didn’t think I was going to get answers, and I wasn’t familiar with kidnapping situations. But since I wasn’t tied up… They probably didn’t mind giving me a little freedom. That and they didn’t think I could escape on my own.

Which was probably true. Where the hell was I? Looking up at the sky gave me an entirely different view than what was on the Xianzhou.

I wasn’t on the Xianzhou long. But I did catch a glimpse of the sky. Even with the brightness of daytime, the sky was full of stars. In Belobog, the sky was a constantly cloudy frostbitten veil, here?

It was… black. Empty. Not a single star in sight. It reminded me of the underworld.

“I’m going to assume we’re in the fragmentum.” I said out loud.

There was the tiniest flicker of movement from Sam at my declaration. Was such a movement a confession that what I said was the truth, or a surprise that I spoke up?

“Hmm. There’s that keen intellect showing itself.” Sam said, as if they knew me.

I chewed on my lip. ‘Keen intellect’ wasn’t exactly something that I’ve shown recently so hearing them declare it made me suspicious that they were mocking me. That, or the alternative was that they knew more about me than I was comfortable with.

“So why do the Stellaron Hunters need me so much that they’d kidnap me right out of the Express? I’m not exactly anyone important.” I prodded for more information.

“You haven’t figured it out?” They asked me. It sounded like a genuine question.

Were they baiting me into revealing something? I didn’t understand these games. I continued to gnaw on my lip. Pieces of skin flaked off.

I'd take the bait then.

“You want the ability to manipulate memories. You think I'm a pathstrider of Remembrance and can help you with something.” I recalled the words of Messenger and I made my words relatively vague on purpose.

“We know you're a pathstrider of Remembrance. Hasn’t anyone told you that they're a rare commodity?” Sam crushed my prodding.

“...” I could feel the tiniest taste of blood start to sprout from my lip. I stopped gnawing on it. Being referred to as a ‘commodity’ put a new brand of threat on board. They had to be bluffing. “You wouldn't.”

“Wouldn’t we?” Sam said, they stood up and stepped towards me.

Each step made me tense. Step by step I coiled in, tighter than before, until I was as tight as a loaded spring. My heart was thundering in my chest. I could hardly breathe.

They stood right in front of me. I had to crane my head up.

“Are you sure?” They taunted.

Fire erupted from their back like wings, illuminating the dark sky for a brief moment. I could feel every iota of my being shrink into a tiny ball, my legs collapsing from under me as instinct took over.

I couldn’t win. I was powerless. It was evident in just the way they talked, their stride, their confidence. They held all the cards and I wasn’t even at the table to play.

There was something akin to a sigh that came out. “It’s easy to forget that you’re just a girl.” They muttered, just loud enough that I happened to overhear it.

Sam stepped back, and returned to their bench. They were no longer watching me, but instead stared into the campfire.

It took me a while to calm back down. My heart returned to its normal pace and I could breathe normally once more. Vestiges of adrenaline ran through my veins.

They were right. I was just a girl.

Just a stupid girl in way over her head.

All I wanted was to go home.

So I should just roll with the punches. I should let them walk over me until they forgot about me.

Until they got bored and realized I was powerless.

Haha… just a girl. That’s all I was.

I grit my teeth.

Just a stupid girl that wouldn’t amount to anything. Just a stupid girl that no one expected much from. Just a stupid girl that stayed inside and played games all day. Sports? Useless, defective trash that can’t run fast. Math? Wasted potential, talented and fell off. Science? They never expected anything from me.

My teeth ground together. My jaw was starting to ache. I couldn’t even tell how hard I was biting down. Would my teeth crack from the pressure? Did it even matter?

Useless, powerless, everyone has to protect me.

I glared at Sam.

Kidnap me? Antagonize me? Fine. Go ahead. Call me useless?

Hah. I guess Sam didn’t say that, but it sure felt that way.

If I could hone my powers to be usable… but no. What would that be used for? I knew nothing about it except that it was linked with my dreams. I didn't even actually know if those WERE anything tangible and not just some extremely weird recurring sequence of dreams.

I bit my nails in place of gnawing on my lips.

Right. This meant I needed to do something on my own. I had to go over what I didn’t know, what I knew and what I could do. Waiting around for someone to save me was never an option.

What I didn’t know was if I had a time limit or if they were expecting something from me. I didn’t know what my powers were, how to use them, or what I could do with them. I didn’t know anything about Sam, the Stellaron Hunter. I didn’t know if it had been an hour, a day or a week since I was knocked out. I didn’t know where the other Stellaron Hunters were either.

That was a lot of unknowns. What I did know was that they were clearly interested in the fact that I was a pathstrider of Remembrance. Kafka had mentioned it on the phone, and Sam all but explicitly confirmed it when I prodded them for information. I knew that we were very likely in a fragmentum zone of some sort, and that the only item I had on me was my old phone.

Which, when I went over with what I knew, left me with more questions. How did they know I was a pathstrider of Remembrance when I only had it confirmed with a memokeeper on the train? Was it in that script of theirs?

I could follow this loop of logical deduction for hours and get nowhere, so it’d be best to just figure out what I could do. Such a thing… wasn’t looking too promising.

I only really had a few options. One was an attempt to prod more information from Sam, I just had to make sure not to antagonize them. I had no idea if they had a short fuse and I wasn’t trying to get myself burnt to a crisp. Another was… figure out what I could do as a pathstrider and attempt to use it to get out of here, but that was even more unlikely to happen with no real guidance.

Why didn’t these things come with a manual? Stupid magic bullshit.

Lastly… if I could somehow figure out how Silver Wolf called my phone despite the fact that it shouldn’t even be capable of receiving calls due to the fact that it had no SIM card, maybe I could somehow reverse engineer that ability and contact one of the crew. But even then… I was in the fragmentum and the signal didn’t work on top of not actually being able to access my locked phone.

Was it really a dead end?

I mulled over my options. Silver Wolf somehow contacted me… what did I know about Silver Wolf? She was a genius hacker, she had some sort of… dimension, world hacking coordinate abilities? And she liked to play games. The first and third things were something that I knew for certain, but the dimensional coordination transportation thing was something I remembered thinking it was cool at the time. If that’s what she did to me, then what chance did I really have to get back without her ability?

Which of course meant that I needed Silver Wolf here.

Actually… I thought about it a bit more. It was possible that I was onto something. Silver Wolf was a hacker, if she could get into my phone and release the lock then maybe there was something inside of it that I could use to my advantage. I was almost certain that old Zenith did some sort of weird stuff that led to my being here.

And, this was just a hypothesis, but I didn’t think that people just become pathstriders out of nowhere. If I looked back at everything that had happened to me since the start, then it was entirely possible that I ‘replaced’ Zenith’s role, or character, or… I-I wasn’t sure how to describe it. I replaced her.

I could understand getting onto the Express. I could understand befriending the crew. Those were all efforts made under my own ability. But the part about the Record-Keeper as well as being a Remembrance pathstrider. Those weren’t… ‘me’.

All this meant… was that I had to gamble on something that I didn’t even know if it would be useful or not.

If I could get Silver Wolf to show up. If I could get her to unlock my phone. If there was something useful on it. If I could somehow use my powers. If I even had powers in the first place and it wasn’t just some weird dream.

Nested if statements. God I hated coding sometimes.

Right. I had a plan. And if said plan worked out… maybe I could have something to play at the table and I wouldn’t have to be just a spectator.

I cleared my throat loudly and ignored my thundering heart. I knew what I needed to do, I simply had to improvise. I didn’t have a script and the character I needed to play was an unassuming, but confident one. I had a scene to set, a goal to work forward to and no idea how the other person would react.

Somehow, when I put it like that, it sounded doable. I'd improvised scenes with less starting points in the past.

Ice filled my veins as I slipped into my role. “So… where’s the rest of the Hunters?” I said, grabbing Sam’s attention.

“Finally back to reality?” Sam deflected with a barb my way.

I picked at one of my nails as I responded. “It was a little rude to scare me. It’s not like I could do anything. You’re practically twice my height and it’s not like I’m strong or anything.”

“Hmm.” Sam hummed. It sounded odd with the mechanical filter. “You’re right. That was a little excessive.”

It almost threw me off my game with the admission. Two lines in and I almost broke character. I wasn’t expecting that. But, they followed the golden rule of improv. Always say yes, and. I could work with this.

“How would the others react? Would they all be as excessive?”

For some reason Sam seemed to find that funny, as they let out a short laugh. “Depending on his mood, Blade would either gut you or just talk you down.”

I tried not to let the sudden fright of imagining that get to me as I responded. “And Kafka? Would she just charm me again and tell me to shut up?”

“Charm…” Sam repeated my words, as if it amused them. “Possibly. She would likely entertain you for a bit before getting what she wanted. She always gets what she wants.”

They were… surprisingly talkative about their allies.

“Why are you telling me all this?” I couldn’t help but inquire.

“You asked.”

“And if I asked you to take me back to the Express?”

“Sorry. Can’t do that.”

I tried hard not to let my fluctuating emotions get the better of me. I was reasonably sure at this point that Sam was more composed than I had initially expected them to be. Their initial burst of flames was likely to cower me into some sort of compliance.

“The kidnap and yap. A classic move by villains everywhere.” I said offhandedly. I did my best not to make it sound too antagonizing.

“We’re- I’m not your enemy, Zenith.” Sam said, as if in some weird attempt to placate me.

I had to push down the sudden rise in anger at them saying such a thing. Kidnapping me and then saying they weren’t my enemy? I suppose I was just kidnapped to take a nice vacation and have a spa then.

“Could have fooled me.” Some heat slipped into my tone. I stamped down on it before continuing. “What about Silver Wolf?”

“What about them?”

“Would she scare me or would she gut me?”

Sam was silent for a moment. “She might not even give you the time of day. But if you interrupted her games she might actually gut you.”

The topic had been brought to Silver Wolf, hopefully without sounding too suspicious.

“Does she care about games that much?” I asked.

“She’ll find a way to bring everything back to a game, though she enjoys her hobby of hacking into official places just as much.”

“Should you be telling me that?”

“It’s common knowledge and all over her bounty poster anyways.” Sam waved my question off.

I rummaged in my thoughts for a bit on how to keep this dialogue going. Was there even a way to get Silver Wolf to show up? Would Sam contact her? Was she busy with something?

“Is she too busy playing games so they left you to babysit me?”

Sam stared at me. “Curious about what the Hunters get up to, aren’t you.”

I swallowed my nerves. My mind was still cool and clear even if my emotions had flared up several times during my improv. “I’m just saying that if you’re going to keep me hostage here the least you could do is give me some entertainment. I’m a fan of games as well and I do my fair share of coding work. Silver Wolf and I seem pretty similar.”

“I don’t quite think your skillset and Silver Wolf’s line up that much.” They pointed out.

“I’m not a hacker. I just write programs and know a bit about cybersecurity.” I hesitated on what I was about to say, but concluded that to get anywhere I needed at least a bit of provocation. “But games are something I’m good at. I’m sure I could probably beat you, or even Silver Wolf, in any of them.”

What sort of games were even popular intergalactically? Damn. Maybe I should have spent some time trying to figure out pop culture across the galaxy. Not like I had time to even try, though.

“You should be careful what you say.” Sam said. It sounded ominous and I had to swallow down the foreboding feeling it gave me.

“Are you going to burn me to a crisp for saying something so mundane as that?” I desperately hoped that wasn’t the case.

“No.” Sam pointed a singular mechanical finger behind me. “But she might.”

I turned around and faced the sight of reality itself glitching before my eyes. It was as if the very air before me twitched. Colors distorted and flashed through a spectrum, before everything shifted and a person materialized through the distorted space.

“Oi, Sam. You talking shit about my gaming with the Extra?” The woman who stepped through reality said.

“Hello to you too, Silver Wolf.” Sam replied.

And that was how I knew my initial gamble worked. Now I just needed the four other if statements to work out.

Chapter Text

Apologies for the previous entry. Jealousy… is something that I still need to work on.

Anyways.

Let's talk about Paths, part 2.

As we all know by now. I'm a pathstrider of Remembrance. Those who are memokeepers, beings that have sundered their body from their physical form to exist on the edge of consciousness in others are beings that inherently know how to use their powers.

Think of Schrodinger's cat. It exists simultaneously as both dead and alive until it’s observed and confirmed to be one or the other. Memokeepers are similar in the sense that they exist only in the edge of people's memories. This means that they cannot exist outside of someone's perception, right? Sort of.

Memokeepers exist in their own consciousness as well, meaning they are observed by themselves, which means they can exist in the spectrum of their own mind, but until they are perceived by outside forces they don't exist to others.

Basically. If a memokeeper was alone in a bar, they're the cat in the box. It isn't until someone else walks into the bar and they’re perceived by someone else will they be able to be observed as being alive or not.

What the hell does this have to do with paths?

It means this shit doesn't come with a manual and all of this stuff needs to be figured out through trial and error. Unless you were a cheat like the memokeepers, or an emanator.

I can't do any of this stuff by the way.

After all, I only had one power.

Faking it till you make it.

I really hope I'll reach the make it part soon. I'm flying by the seat of my pants here.

…That's such a weird idiom.

Chapter 12. Sad Machine.

Games were something that I’ve played since before I could walk. I have distinct memories of being some young age like two, and playing a certain game about catching monsters before I even had the ability to read. It was my older step-brother’s copy of the game, but I eventually figured out how to play just by trial and error. Damaging moves hurt the enemy, enemy dies then I win. If the enemy doesn’t die then I don’t win.

So simple even a toddler could do it.

That being said, just because I played some games as a kid didn’t necessarily mean that skill translated to adulthood. What did translate was the fact that I was a massive nerd who played MMORPG’s and even did World Progression in them, racing to be the first group to kill each new raid or boss. I’d even won a few of them.

Puzzle games were my specialty.

So when Silver Wolf stepped out of her reality portal that she created, I was fairly confident that my plan could work out in the end. Not because of how she looked, or anything related to that, but because of her temperament.

She was used to shit talking. And I had my toxic arc years ago. Bringing something like that up just required a bit of digging into my past.

Silver Wolf may have been small. But her ego was likely sky-high. I could probably play with it.

“So? What are you looking at?” Silver Wolf, the woman of the hour, said to me.

“You, of course.” I said nonchalantly. The way I said it must have caught Sam’s attention in some way, because they shifted their attention back to me. “Wanna play a game?”

“Heh.” Silver Wolf chuckled. “You’re quick and to the point for an NPC.”

I had to force myself to smile before I said any expletives. Somehow, in a single moment, Silver Wolf said one thing that pissed me the hell off. Was it because it was on a field that I was more familiar with? The classic shit talk between enemies in a multiplayer game?

Calling someone an NPC is so… UGH. If it wasn't for the fact that this girl could literally hack reality, and as such probably thought of everything as a game anyways…

My smile was strained as I responded. “Wow. Why don't you let this NPC have a round in your favorite game then?”

I had to at least get on her good side.

“Hah? An old lady like you? You probably can't even operate a TV remote, much less keep up with me.”

…Oh. Alright. So that was how we were gonna play it. I was 25. I was not old.

Screw being on her good side. My plan didn't need that anyways.

“How about a wager if you're so confident you'll win?”

Silver Wolf raised an eyebrow. “Hoh? And what could you possibly wager that I would be interested in?”

Hmm. Well. Now or never I suppose.

I fished out my locked phone and waved it in front of her. “How about temporary access to my phone?”

Silver Wolf rolled her eyes. “I have zero interest in seeing whatever boring selfies you took on that.”

…Should I? I kind of wanted to be a tiny bit vindictive towards the kidnapper.

“Really? Because your friend Sam let it slip that you were all very interested in the Remembrance. Wouldn't you want a first look into what I have stored inside here?” I said, throwing the mechanical person under the bus.

The short hacker gave Sam a look. “Sam…”

If a mechanical suit could frown I'm positive they would be doing that.

“Ignore her. Don't bother with her games.” Sam said to Silver Wolf.

“Actually it's Silver Wolf's games.” I chimed in.

There was a DEEP inhale followed by a heavy sigh from the mechanical person. It was… extremely human-with-flesh-like. I could tell that they were so done with my shenanigans. I just hoped that didn't mean they burst into flames again.

Silver Wolf had a tiny smirk on her face. I wasn't sure if it was from my joke or the suffering of Sam in the face of my dad jokes. Maybe both.

“And in return what do you want?” The short silver haired girl asked me.

“Take me back to the Express and leave me alone?” I high balled an offer.

“Heh. Nice try.”

“Scared you'll lose?”

“I know I'll win. But I'm not exactly in the mood to get yelled at for giving you even the slightest opportunity to get away.”

Darn.

Well, no matter. I figured that would happen.

“Okay, how about if I win I get to send a text to my crew telling them I'm not dead… And also how about getting me a meal as well.” I said, giving my real offer this time.

“You're gonna be greedy and ask for two things?”

I raised my hands in mock surrender. “You have all the advantages here. And I don't think asking for a meal is a big deal, especially if you want me for something later down the line.”

“Hmm…” Silver Wolf seemed amused by all this. “You're forgetting one thing about all this.”

Was I?

“And what's that?”

“I could just take your phone now and hack into it. Wouldn't even have to bother with all this.” Silver Wolf pointed out the obvious glaring hole in this plan.

It was a fair criticism. This entire thing would be useless and I'd be back to step zero in e everything if they just did that. But… I doubted it.

I was mostly banking on the fact that Silver Wolf was one of those people who, when challenged on their turf, couldn't refuse. It was like if someone asked for a 1v1 in Mid Lane after getting their shit kicked in after the match, against the person that kicked their shit in.

I was the one who got their shit kicked in, in this analogy.

“If that's the case, then why are we even having this conversation? You let this drag on for so long because you were interested.” I said with fake confidence. “I know how this works, I’ve played these types of games too. Half the battle happens before we even pick up the controller.”

“You’re cocky for someone who got kidnapped. It’ll be fun to take you down.” Silver Wolf said, sliding her hand over open air only for a screen to appear in front of her.

It reminded me of those augmented reality type of things that were commonly seen in Sci-Fi media, an entire screen, keyboard and everything just appearing in thin air that she could use to type on. After that, she typed a few things and manifested an entire physical big screen, a few chairs, a table and two controllers.

I did my best to take a subtly deep breath to calm my nerves. “What’s the game?”

“She has something planned, Silver Wolf. Don't entertain her.” Sam cut in once again.

I clicked my tongue in annoyance, but the resident hacker didn't seem to care what the pyromaniac mecha said.

“Obviously. I'd be more surprised if she didn't.” Silver Wolf sounded almost offended at Sam's exclamation.

Damn. I suppose I wasn't that surprised they figured out I was onto something. But I couldn't let them figure out exactly what it was I wanted.

What to say… I was blanking so I decided to say the first thing that came to mind.

“I mean if you wanted to join in and play that badly Sam you could.” I interjected.

“Or maybe we overestimated her and she's just stupid.” Silver Wolf said flatly. I scowled in response. “We're doing one game of shooter, one of racing and then a fighter. I'll run you down in each of them and be done in time to grab a snack before the main event.”

Main event was something I wasn't quite sure what she was referring to. Was it when Kafka confronted the crew? No, surely not. Why would Silver Wolf need to be there then?

“Sounds good to me.” I muttered the rest of my sentence. “Would prefer to be run down by Stelle instead.”

“Don't let Kafka hear you say that.”

I blushed a bit from the fact that I was caught slacking. “Let’s get this on with. Give me a controller.”

Silver Wolf slowly and meticulously handed me a controller.

“If you scratch it I'll kill you.” She threatened.

“I have respect for other people's things.” I scoff. “If I scratch it it'll probably be because Sam did something.”

The Mecha person put their head in one hand and sighed once more. I was relatively certain at this point that there was someone inside the suit. The mannerisms were just too… flesh-like.

Not that I had really met a mechanical person. I suppose that someone without a set of organic lungs could operate in the same way, but wasn't the act of sighing similar to yawning in that it increased the circulation and allowed a bigger intake of air to help regulate certain parts of our bodies and as such a thing that should only really exist instinctually in organic beings?

…I missed looking up random things to satisfy my curiosity.

“I'm starting up the game now.”

Ah yes. The game. Three games that I needed to beat Silver Wolf in if I wanted to send a text off to the crew and get a meal.

Did I ever mention that I sucked at shooters, racers and fighters?

Yeah. Oh well.

Suffice to say. Silver Wolf absolutely crushed me in all three. We technically didn’t even need to do the last one, but I pushed for it because my pride was hurt. I knew I was horrible at fighting games, I just mashed buttons in a pattern that was always read easily and my knowledge of how to react was just abysmal. Don’t even get me started on the controls.

But yes, I lost, and with not so great reluctance, I handed my phone over to Silver Wolf.

“Take what you want from it, but I need it back.” I told the short girl.

Silver Wolf smugly accepted it, swiped her hand and brought out a reality hacked screen in front of her. She manifested a cord from somewhere and plugged it into my phone.

“The hell? You don’t even have a SIM card on this.” Silver Wolf said.

I could feel Sam’s gaze on me as Silver Wolf voiced her complaints.

“You’re the one who called it earlier. Shouldn’t you know about these sorts of things?” I rebutted.

Silver Wolf rolled her eyes. “You think I need a SIM card to connect to someone’s phone? I’ll just patch a line directly through reality and connect myself to it.”

That was good to know.

“That’s convenient. You need help opening that?” I offered, even if I had absolutely no way to actually help, someone like her would probably get offended just from the fact that I offended. And offended people tended to let things slip.

“Hah? Are you serious? I’m already in. 042623. Nice password by the way.”

I felt my entire body go still. My password said out loud. It really was that simple. The password to something that had plagued me since the very first few minutes since I had transmigrated to this entire place.

Was there something on it? Did I really have a method of getting out of here? What did Zenith put on there?

Or was it entirely possible that I had just overthought everything, and nothing was on there. That I had made a mountain out of a molehill, and when this was all said and done I’d be no closer to understanding how I got here.

I took a deep breath. “Thanks.” I said genuinely.

“That was sarcasm. You have some weird stuff on your phone. It’s like you’re writing an entire novel in your notes app. Oh hey. Look.” She swung the floating screen towards me and I could see a picture of myself, and Seele, both smiling and looking just a bit younger. “You actually look cute when you don’t have a resting bitch face.”

I got whiplash just from that. Was she complimenting me? Insulting me? Both? “I-Uh thanks?” I repeated. I was pretty sure anyone would have a resting bitch face if they were kidnapped.

“Wasn’t a compliment.” Silver Wolf frowned. “Oh I guess it could be taken as one. You look like a bitch.”

I could not help my recoil at the bluntness of the comment. “What the fuck? That’s not shit talk that’s just being rude.”

“Oops. Sorry.” Silver Wolf said, not sounding sorry in the slightest.

“Bitch.”

“This bitch just beat your ass in three different games.”

“I’m not good at those types of games. You just picked whatever ones you were good at.”

“Sounds like you’re being a sore loser to me. Aren’t you the one who asked for a wager in the first place?”

I really, really, hated to admit it. But this shit talking back and forth with Silver Wolf was actually somewhat fun. That really wasn’t the plan at all, and probably not the best idea considering I was literally a hostage… or something, but it beat just laying around.

Yes, I was still improvising my attitude. But it was considerably less so than when I was with Sam. Silver Wolf reminded me a lot of some of my old friends.

“...I mean, what else would you do in my situation? I had to do something.”

“Nice try but I’m not giving you any ideas. I’ve been told you’re pretty smart but they never told me about the big ego part as well.”

I frowned at that. Did I happen to let something slip? “I don’t have a big ego.”

“You sure? Challenging a Stellaron Hunter? Bantering with them? You even stood up to Sam earlier. I can’t tell what exactly it is you’re planning, but you’re either confident that you can get away or you don’t see any of us as an actual threat.”

The topic suddenly got serious. I steadied myself and matched my tone to the atmosphere.

There was some truth to her words, albeit I don’t think she knew that most of my confidence was entirely fabricated and based on a plan that I had no idea would work. If I stopped myself from being in the moment for even a minute I’m sure that I’d break down in tears.

“I don’t think that’s confidence. You, Kafka and Sam all said it yourself. You need me for something. I can be relatively sure that I’m not in lethal danger.” I neglected to mention that Sam terrified me. “I don’t recall doing anything that would offend any of you, so I can also cross off that this is personal.”

“You don’t recall huh.” Silver Wolf chose to focus on those words that I said.

I swallowed my nerves. Was I overthinking it?

“I’ve only been on the Express for a day. Prior to that I was stuck on a frozen rock of a planet estranged from the rest of the galaxy. I don’t see how I could have history with any of you.”

Silver Wolf chuckled. It felt uncharacteristic of her to do so. She unplugged my phone and meticulously handed it back to me. “I got what I needed from your phone. Thanks for helping me kill time. Hit me up if you ever want to get your ass kicked again. Until then, I’m heading out for a snack.”

And just as quick as the Stellaron Hunter appeared, she flashed through reality and vanished before my eyes.

I was alone once more with Sam.

“Was such a wager worth losing your privacy over?” Sam asked me.

Nosy nosy nosy. Nosy mecha person. Silver Wolf was someone that I could understand pretty easily, even if I felt like she knew something that I didn’t, but Sam was someone that I still didn’t understand.

So much for being good at reading people. Although I don’t think I’ve ever claimed that I was.

“Any place I can use the bathroom?” I replied with a question of my own.

There was just something about Sam that unnerved me. I didn’t truly understand it myself. It felt as if they knew me, yet I didn’t know them. I hated that feeling. It made me feel like an open book. And even if I didn’t have any evidence to support such a claim besides a few odd comments by them, I couldn’t stop how I felt.

“...In the tent. It’s bigger than it looks.” Sam answered me.

For the first time since I initially observed it, my attention went back to the tent. If it was bigger than it looked did that mean it was bigger on the inside?

I pushed through one of the flaps on the tent and was met with a luxurious… house.

…Ah.

Right.

Just magic space reality hacking bullshit then.

I checked the sides of the house and anything that might lead as a way to actually get out of there, but it was entirely locked and the windows seemed like they would break my fists before I could break them. I sighed in resignation before finding a bathroom and locking myself in it.

When I was sure that I was alone, I grabbed my phone and turned it on.

042623.

When I opened my notes app like Silver Wolf mentioned.

I was met with what could only be called malice.

Chapter Text

Chapter 13. Dreams.

Why do people dream?

I’ve probably asked this question over and over by now. To the point that everyone knows about it. Seele is sick of it. Natasha just smiles and always asks me for extra help. Oleg doesn’t know. Sampo says it’s so we can laugh. Lynx says it’s so we can take a break from reality. Pela finds a way to make it about fanfiction.

I asked grammy, but even she doesn’t know. Which is weird. Because she’s the person that told me about my duties and responsibilities as a record-keeper.

Speaking of record-keeper. I had no idea what they wanted me to do. “You’ll know when the time comes” Grammy said, what was that supposed to mean?

Seriously. What did it mean? I have no idea but it apparently revolved around dreaming.

I'm tired of things being shoved into me. I just wanted to do work with Wildfire and spend the rest of my time writing.

Not that there was much else I could do. Twenty years on this frozen rock and nothing to show for it.

I wonder if Pela can sneak me something from the surface next time I do a supply drop.

It's been a few days and I forgot about making these journal entries. I told myself I would use it as a dream journal since apparently those are useful or whatever. But I haven't been dreaming of anything even remotely coherent so I completely forgot.

Right. Anyways. I'll try writing whatever sort of dreams come to me. I doubt it'll lead to anything.

I hope I wasn't born into some weird cult. It'd only been five years since the underground was sealed off, surely this record-keeper business had been around longer than that?

Wait, was this just an elaborate plan from my grandma to give my life some structure?

I appreciate the attempt grammy but I'm afraid my insomnia isn't so easily solved by a journal of all things.

Until next time I guess.

-Zenith.

Dear Diary.

Wow I do not like how that sounds.

Dear journal?

Dear reader.

No, that didn't make any sense. I'm the only one reading this.

Dear Myself.

Still awkward but, I'll stick with it for now.

Had a weird dream today. I mean I usually have weird dreams but this one went on pretty long and was weirdly coherent.

I dreamt of myself, but in a completely alternate reality. I was a student in some place that had bright skies and clear weather. I went to class, messed around by myself and then spent hours upon hours just sitting in front of a computer.

Seriously, there’s not a whole ton to do with computers here in Belobog. At most we just use them as a secondary archival rather than paper, but its use is pretty limited in the Underworld. Well, to me it is. Natasha uses one for her clinic and from what I know a few people use it to modify the work robots, but other than that it has zero use for the average person.

Not that I was average. But the point was made.

Anyways, weird dream. I’d love to go to an actual academy, but it’s not like we really have such a luxury down here. Kinda jealous that dream me gets to.

Oh well. That’s it for my entry today.

-Zenith.

Dear Myself,

Alright you can skip the last few entries, they’re just about mundane dreams. But get this, I had another dream about myself in another world. She literally looked just like me. Shoulder length black hair, same tired brown eyes, even dressed similarly too with her dark jeans and sweater combo.

Well, I mean, obviously she looked similar to me. People often say that dreams are just something you yearn for but can’t have, so maybe that’s just this case. I’ve certainly had quite a few dreams of impossibilities.

But it was a little weird. Why was she going to school for computer science when she so obviously cared so little about it? I only watched her for these two dreams and I could tell.

I’m just jealous that she gets an option. Everything for me is basically decided already. Perks of growing up in Belobog! Woo! Someone get me off this icy rock please.

Speaking of, I should get back to writing. Pela and I are exchanging works and I need to finish up my chapter. I still don’t understand what she sees in those two men from Tale of the Winterlands. I’m much more interested in the two girls. They’re obviously so much more than ‘just best friends.’’

News flash! Best friends don’t call each other their ‘other half’ and have a tragic backstory together.

-Zenith.

Dear Myself.

I hate when people interrupt my sleep. I already struggle to get rest just in general, so when someone wakes me up when I actually manage to fall asleep? Hell will be unleashed.

Sorry Seele, but I’m going to be ultra bitchy today. You only have yourself to blame.

-Zenith.

Dear Myself.

Had another dream about myself. It’s like a weird reoccuring dream with an actual sequential and connected story. This is like those snippets in the newspaper that Lynx sometimes brings me when we meet up for supplies. Just tiny small looks into someone else’s life, but at various points of it.

They broke up with their girlfriend. My dream self seemed pretty hurt about it but managed to compartmentalize really well. I guess we shared that in common.

Obviously. We’re the same person.

I’ve started to look forward to these dreams to the point that I don’t even feel like journaling the more mundane ones. I should write about this. Maybe I’ll turn this idea into a novel, get rich and then smuggle my way out of the underground and live comfortably in some Belobog apartment.

Sounds nice, no?

Don’t know what to call the book though.

-Zenith.

Dear Myself.

Sampo was being especially annoying today. He’s usually pretty nice to hang around, but he just wouldn’t stop badgering me about hosting a betting scam for the ring. No, Sampo, I will not be helping you with your scam.

And even if he didn’t specifically say the words scam, I’ve been around him for long enough to know what he meant.

-Zenith.

Dear Myself.

That’s odd, it’s been an entire year since I’ve started this already? Lots of pages are filled out with mundane dreams, and half of them are just me writing about personal grievances that don’t even have anything to do with dreams. I guess I’ve lost the plot on why I wanted to do this, but it's been pretty cathartic.

I recently reread most of my entries and realized I never actually wrote down what I named my book. But I decided on ‘Like Fading Stardust’.

It’s a nice name, in my opinion. I got the idea from when we were having a Wildfire drinking night. Sampo was telling a story to everyone about there were countless other civilizations out there in the galaxy, that every star in the night that we couldn’t see down here in the underground, was a star that could hold life in it’s orbit.

And while it’s true that we all knew that was true, the way he went into detail about everything and the worlds out there… It was nice.

He talked about this one place, not even really a planet like Belobog, but more of a floating civilization that was settled into space. How everyone was connected through dreams and that in those dreams people began their life anew. The sick and old could be healthy and young, entrepreneurs could start up a business in the dream and make it rich.

And then he talked about how, despite the fact that it was such a vastly different environment that we lived in, they were just the same as us. Because everyone at the end of the day was just bits and pieces of stardust.

“So that’s why you should always strive to have a laugh no matter what!” He ended the story with.

The part about stardust really stuck with me. All of us, no matter who we were in this galaxy, were similar. We were all stardust that would one day fade into oblivion.

We were all… like fading stardust.

-Zenith.

Dear Myself.

I've started to dislike these dreams. It’s just so… mundane? Normal? Idiotic perhaps.

Why idiotic? At first it was cool seeing myself in an entirely new world. But it’s just the same stuff every single day. They have the entire world at their hands but all they do is go to school and then go home. They don’t hang out with friends, they don’t bother doing anything different each day, they don’t even exercise that much. It’s like watching a self destructive cycle of nothingness.

I just didn’t understand. Yes school was important, I would never deny such a thing, but why? Why not do extra things? It’s not like I like talking to people that much aside from my close friends, but even without them I would be going out everyday, exploring the place around me, going to parks, finding a hobby or- or something.

I was jealous of them. But, whatever.

It’s just a dream.

I’m feeling a little jaded because Grammy isn’t doing too well right now. She’s sick. Hope she gets better soon.

-Zenith.

Dear Myself.

Natasha said that she often dreams of a life where she could help more people, or maybe a world where such sickness and harm didn’t befall others so often. I can find myself agreeing with that, even if ultimately I don’t care about strangers.

I just… didn’t like seeing people get hurt. Their opinions, personalities, life story. All that junk I could hardly care less about for strangers. Friends? Sure. But nameless people that I never get a chance to understand? I don’t care. I just don’t want them to get hurt.

Why then, is my dream self so similar?

I don’t think I like her.

I hope Grammy gets better.

-Zenith.

Dear Myself.

Grammy is gone. I expected that to happen but I’m still sad. I cried at the funeral. I can’t remember the last time I cried. Not even when I broke up with my ex did I cry.

But, as much as I lamented the passing of my only family, she did tell me something that made me feel sick.

She told me that my dreams were real. She wasn’t even sure of what they were, as I never told her, but she told me they were real. And that she too once had dreams like mine.

What did that mean? She dreamt of herself in another world? That was supposed to be real?

…The name Fuli came up as I searched through her belongings. It’s an Aeon similar to the one that Belobog worships.

I don’t know what to think. My head is spinning.

-Zenith.

Dear Myself.

Fuli, the Remembrance. It deals with memories. But why then, do I dream about myself in another world? Is it some sort of method of communication? Or- Or- what-. Is what I’m seeing my past life or something?

That didn’t feel right. It didn’t sound right at all.

If Record-Keepers are some sort of weird… fanatics of Fuli, then what the fuck am I?

Are these memories? Or am I seeing someone else’s life? Or- maybe- these are someone else’s memories.

Maybe these are the memories of a Zenith from another world, all shown to me as I dream.

Then what, what’s the purpose? Why am I being shown them? Was I just born to a family of purposeless cultists dedicated to worshipping Fuli? Maybe a few hundred years ago it was a big thing, but I have no idea what it means now.

It’s not fair. Powers? Aeons? Paths? I was just a normal girl, yet every single day I find myself dreaming about a life that I could have. One where I was free from this frozen hell.

I wanted it for myself. I wanted it so badly that I can feel myself being consumed by it.

My head hurts. I just want to sleep the days away.

If I had one wish, maybe it would be to swap places with myself.

-Zenith.

Dear Myself. I think that’s how I’m supposed to start it.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written in this. I’m 23 now. I was… what, 21 when I last wrote in here?

I came back to write in here because I’ve discovered something. I’ve been doing experiments on the side and my dreams have been erratic.

Firstly, my experiments. Being a pathstrider, as I’ve found out that it’s called (why did I never bother to learn about this stuff earlier? Never applied to me, so why would I care?) means I can pull upon Fuli’s powers a bit. And since I’m a pathstrider of Remembrance. That means I can pull upon people’s memories.

It took me a long time to figure it out, but basically there’s a whole assortment of strings in people’s consciousness. Some of these strings are tangible and some of them are faded. But all of them can be interacted with. The faded ones are things that people have forgotten, for example I made Geralt remember his daughter that he forgot in his old age.

It was fucked up, and I’m skirting serious ethical concerns, but I have people’s consent to do this. But I-... I’ve never seen Viviana be that happy before.

Anyways, I simply have to hold onto someone and concentrate really hard on looking for those strings. They’re all over people’s bodies and some of them are concentrated in different places. For example, lots of people have happy memories related to their five senses, so their hands, eyes, mouth, nose, or ears are all where lots of strings are focused on. But sometimes other places have strings as well.

It’s a little difficult to describe. But that’s the gist of it. I’m going to try it on myself in a bit.

As for my dreams… It’s like I can connect with people. I had a dream about Lynx and we discussed a few things, mostly about Pela. But when I brought it up to Lynx she said we talked about that an entire month ago.

Which was impossible. I didn’t go to the surface for at least two months because I was busy with clinic shifts.

So what did it mean?

I’m… not entirely sure. But if I’m connecting to other people during my dreams and manipulating their memories into thinking we had a conversation…

…Well I don’t need to go onto that topic. I’m sure it’ll be fine. I wasn’t sure what to think about that anyways, I was tangible in my dream. This is something that needs to be looked into more, but actually getting dreams about others is pretty rare nowadays.

-Zenith.

Dear Myself.

I hate her so much. I hate that stupid annoying clone of me so much. She had everything anyone could ever ask for yet all she does is stew in her room until she rots. Useless. I hate her. I hate dreaming about her. I hate that she takes everything for granted.

People are like pawns to her. She barely cares about any of them. At least I care for my friends, but she doesn’t even have any that she could call friends. She messages them, talks with them, not even really caring about their opinions.

I hate Zenith.

I could do a much better job in her place.

The more I pull on my own strings, even the faded ones, the more I realize how much we share in common. She isn’t just a clone of me. She is me. Despite the literal world of difference between us, she’s somehow similar in almost every way.

What did this mean? That nurture is just a sham? That nature prevails over all? That I was born to be like this?

I’m going to vomit.

-Zenith.

Dear Myself.

Finished ‘Like Fading Stardust’. Took me a few years but I think it came out good.

My motivation skyrocketed when I realized that Zenith was trying to create a novel as well. Lazy, ungrateful, good for nothing like her would never be able to accomplish anything.

-Zenith.

Dear Myself.

What if I could swap with her? What if there was a way?

I keep pulling and pulling on this one faded string. It’s untangling and bringing back memories I never even knew I had. But it’s getting muddled, like I’m trying to swim through some big body of water that’s so murky I can’t even see an inch in front of me.

But then I got to something weird. I got to a memory that wasn’t mine. It couldn’t be mine. In fact, I knew it wasn’t mine because I had witnessed it before. It was a breakup, my breakup, but in another world.

It was Zenith’s breakup.

What would happen if I kept pulling on this string? It’s not a quick process. Just getting this far had taken me a few months. My ability to keep a consistent schedule in writing in here is lacking.

I’ll see what I can do.

-Zenith.

Dear Myself.

When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake. With insomnia, nothing's real. Everything is far away. Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy.

That’s why I’ll rise above just being a copy.

‘Honkai Star Rail?’

Is that all my life was? A game? Or perhaps someone knew of my world and created something similar in her world.

I’m never asleep. I’m never awake. Everything is a blurred echo that I stumble through.

I can feel it though. I’m getting close. The more I pull on these strings the more it untangles and the more I realize there’s a connection with me and myself. After all… maybe these powers of mine weren’t that impressive. It’s not like I can manipulate someone’s memory beyond makes them remember things. I’ve tried. But did that apply to myself?

If I untrangled these strings enough, immersed myself in the other Zenith. Where did I end and she begin?

Or-

Perhaps-

Could I swap the strings?

-Zenith.

Dear Zenith.

I’m going to swap them.

I’m not sure if you’re reading this, or if I’ve failed. But if there aren’t any entries past this point…

Well, hello there.

I’d say sorry, but you’ve wasted your life doing nothing. You have so much freedom at your fingertips, at your leisure, yet you spend it locked in a cage of your own establishment.

There’s a good chance that we’ll both stumble upon our respective lives, in nothing but a blurry haze until the strings fully swap. I’m not even sure what it means for our bodies when they do swap. Maybe our bodies will swap too?

I doubt it, but mind over matter is what they always say.

I wonder if you’ll have my memories, just as I have yours.

Hmm. That would be a problem. Can’t have you pulling the same thing. I guess I’ll cut the string that tethers us as soon as I swap.

See you never, Zenith.

-Zenith.

Chapter Text

Jealousy was something that fit me like a glove. I was entrenched in it. Drowned and suffocated by it. I would look at others with envy for what I couldn't have and for skills that I could never claim for my own.

But I stopped just looking. I decided that I would grasp all that I was jealous of and make it my own. If someone did something spectacular, I would learn it, cherish it, and attempt to spit it back better than they ever could.

For me, acting and theater was the culmination of my jealousy. To become someone else in almost every way but physical. I ceased to become ‘Zenith’ and would then become whoever I chose. One time, in high school, I was initially cast as ‘Audrey’ from ‘Little Shop of Horrors’. I wanted to turn that role down and pushed and pushed and pushed to be recast as Seymour instead.

To me, I could probably easily become Audrey. I might not have been able to sing as well as professional actors, or even sing semi-decently beyond copying what a song does, but I refused mostly because Audrey was not who I wanted to become. I didn’t want to be the damsel in distress while the boy who auditioned for Seymour butchered and walked all over his character.

“You can’t be Seymour, you’re not a boy!” Is what I was told.

Halfway through rehearsals RJ, the boy who was playing Seymour, got sick. I snatched the opportunity to press again to the director, reciting all of Seymour’s lines and songs better than RJ did.

I was recast as Seymour, and my understudy was recast as Audrey.

Looking back, I feel bad at how things turned out. My actions caused two people to miss out on acting because I believed I could do so much better than anyone else. RJ missed out on his chance to perform as Seymour. And his understudy missed out on the chance to become Seymour.

I don’t feel bad because I regret my actions. I don’t feel bad because I did a bad job. I feel bad because I don’t regret it, and if I were to ever go back into acting, there’s a good chance I might do the same.

I’m sorry to RJ, who got sick and I stole their spot. It might have been possible for them to come back and continue on with their role, but I rendered that impossible. I’m sorry to the understudy and the director, who got the short end of the stick because I was too pushy. I’m sorry for the next few years of the end of High School and the start of College, where my passion burnt bridges with everyone due to my selfishness.

I’m sorry to myself, for crashing and burning into a depressive slump. Because no one was left to pick up the pieces.

But I don’t regret it.

This chapter is my turning point.

Never regret anything.

Chapter 14. Don’t Ever Forget.

The mirror shattered. Shards of glass rained down onto my hand, slicing and cutting it as the fragments pooled on the floor like miniature blades of death.

I was furious.

I hated her. I hated her so much. I hated that stupid clone of mine.

How dare she? How dare she steal my life away? I was not a violent person, but if I were to ever get my hands on her. I would make her regret it for the rest of her life.

Jealous of me. I let out a huff of hot anger, it was some sound that mixed anger and hysterical laughter into one distorted ugly thing. Jealousy.

I hated her because she couldn’t recognize everything that she had even when it was right in front of her.

What a hypocrite.

I absolutely despise hypocrites.

She did EVERYTHING she said she hated about me.

Zenith had people who cared about her. She had lifelong friends who she spent time with. People who looked out for her, enjoyed her time and were interested in what she did. Did I have that?

No. I didn’t. I had no friends that I felt truly comfortable with. I had no one that looked out for me beyond surface level. Any sort of friends that I’ve known for years had all been scattered to the wind, lost to oblivion and faded connections in the period of time that I hated living.

How ironic was it that in the short time that I’ve been here, I had found new friends, new people who cared for me, discovered a world beyond my wildest dreams and even left that frozen rock that Zenith herself wanted off so badly?

Why now? Why when I just started to get my life back together?

I flexed my hand, feeling the small cuts weep as blood oozed out slowly. Nothing that would kill me.

I took a deep breath. One that filled my insides with crisp air and did just enough to cool the fire that raged in my veins. My phone was clenched in my hand, the base of it stuck in the place where a mirror had once been. I was lucid enough to not break my own hand by using it to break the mirror, which was a good sign. My phone seemed to take minimal damage as well, aside from the one corner that made contact.

My heart beat loudly as my emotions fluctuated wildly. There was a lot of unpack regarding this. I sat back down, once again using the toilet seat cover as a makeshift chair.

It was difficult to form a coherent thought that wasn’t plagued by anger, but I pushed through the haze. Zenith mentioned… strings. That they were concentrated in places that the five senses would be. Did I have to physically feel for them? She did them to herself, did that mean I could as well?

I had to assume so. She also mentioned dreams of her connecting with Lynx. I’ve… done the same thing with that one girl codenamed Primadonna.

Right.

I took another deep breath as I started to place my hand in various areas of my body. I placed it over my other hand, wincing as it made contact with the cuts, and felt nothing. I tried again with it over my eyes, my ears, even over my mouth and still felt nothing.

Maybe… I had to think about a particular memory? But how would I find the faded strings that Zenith had described? She had two years to figure it out, although I don’t know how much time she spent actually looking for it.

I could do it better than her. She was nothing.

I thought back to a particular memory. One that was seared into my mind as my ex of the time guided me through the steps of being intimate. The feeling, the sight, how sweet they smelled. What I remembered the most was how soft they were.

My hands were placed on top of each other, and I closed my eyes as I continued to focus on that touch. The more I remembered the more it felt like something was brushing against the tips of my fingers. It was just… slightly out of reach.

It felt like a feather, the tiniest, smallest feather tickling the tips of my fingers. I closed my hand on top of the other, but all it did was make that feeling more faint as the feeling of skin upon skin rose up.

So close, and yet so far.

I grit my teeth as anger started to well back up, I hated the feeling of just barely not being able to do something. I tried again, and again, with different memories each time on different parts of my body. The first time I put on my glasses and could see the world clearly again, the exhilarating feeling of finishing a performance, the thrilling rush of adrenaline as I was the last one standing in dodgeball. Mundane, normal things all brought the similar feeling of tickling just beyond my reach.

I huffed in frustration and stopped trying. Maybe I had to try with someone else first. Zenith said that she brought back someone’s memories of their own daughter before she moved onto experimenting with herself.

So who could I test it with? Would it work on someone like Sam? Was memory a substance that was retained by the organic material that was called a brain or did it come from something deeper like a soul? This, of course, assumed that the mechanical suit itself was a person and there wasn’t someone inside. If there was a thick layer of metal between someone and me, could I still reach their strands?

Too many questions, not enough answers.

But maybe I could experiment with Sam…. even if it was a gamble. If they recognized that I was trying something, would they just kill me? Would they even let me touch them in the first place?

No, wait. They knew I could manipulate memories, they were already aware of my status as a remembrance pathstrider. Could they-

…A sudden thought struck me with a force that had me double over in shock.

Silver Wolf had accessed my phone.

She had gone through all my notes. All my photos, and saved them to her own device. She had even specifically made a remark about my notes app.

Oh fuck.

FUCK.

No, no no no. This was terrible.

I messed up big time. The Stellaron Hunters now had definitive proof that I wasn’t from this… universe or whatever the hell situation I found myself in. That I was definitely not from Belobog. That I had the potential ability to manipulate or bring up memories.

Maybe, maybe if I had shown that I had no ability to do whatever it was they wanted I’d be let free. But with what I felt just now, combined with everything that was on my phone, they had no reason to let me go.

What did they want? Why was I needed?

…And how could I turn this situation favorable?

What did I know about the Stellaron Hunters as a whole?

I knew they followed a script. I knew they followed a person named Elio, also known as Destiny’s slave. I knew… that they all had individual reasons to join.

But if they followed a script, did that mean they would eventually get what they wanted? Why else would someone join the Stellaron Hunters if not for that reason?

I didn’t believe in fate, or destiny, not to the degree that it controlled everything and it was this unchangeable stone monument that could never be shifted. I believed… that destiny was how we died. And that if we were all destined to die in some way, that didn’t matter so long as you could choose the way you lived.

But having a script of preordained events would render my version of destiny incorrect… Unless it didn’t?

It could be… that the entirety of the scripts were nothing but one big show of improvised acting. That the ending was set in place, and there were only a few key points that they had to follow. I refused to believe that every line, every interaction was scripted, especially with someone like me.

After all, if that was the case, then why was Sam so adamant against Silver Wolf playing me in the wager? To double up in tricking me into giving away my information? I would have done so without them butting in.

I swallowed as I realized my mouth was suddenly very dry. If it was just one big improv show, with key points highlighted and the end laid out cleanly…

Maybe… just maybe… I could find a way home if I worked with them.

I shook my head. No. No, bad thoughts. I had morals. I couldn’t help criminals.

…I didn’t even sound convincing to myself.

I stepped out of the special spatially dense magic tent-turned-house and back out into the camp. I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t have a goal. I didn’t have a character I was playing. I just decided to let the cards fall naturally.

“I’m back.” I called to Sam.

The mechanical person already had their gaze locked onto me as soon as I stepped out.

“You’re bleeding.” They stated simply.

I took another look at my hand that was cut up. Most of the cuts were clean enough that the sliced up skin only oozed out blood when I specifically pulled or flexed my hand. I had washed it using the bathroom, I didn’t question how it had working water. I figured it was some sort of hideout they used.

“Yeah. You might need a new mirror.” I responded.

They were silent as they continued to stare at me. I felt like I was looking at a reflection of myself when I had to be around someone I didn’t like. The feeling was mutual buddy.

“So? Are you finally going to tell me why you need me?” I asked.

I didn’t need to act or feign my confidence. I was too exhausted to care about such things. It was as if all my energy had fled my body the second my adrenaline had settled. I may have resented the fact that I was kidnapped, but my hate for Zenith ran further than that.

The Stellaron Hunters were the cause of the first actual clue that I’ve gotten regarding my reason and existence for being here. If I could find a way to reverse whatever happened, I would endure their demands.

“I believe we’ve already established the reason.” Sam said. I couldn’t tell if it was snidely or if it was a matter of fact like Svarog often spoke.

“I can’t just blindly manipulate someone’s memories.” I stated. “We’re going to need to go through a few things to clear up before I agree to anything.”

“You’ll agree eventually. It’s in your best interest to help us.”

“...And how so?”

“It’s not that we’re exactly interested in you. But rather your abilities. You simply are the path of least resistance towards accomplishing what we want. You’re a variable that can be controlled.”

I scowled at that. They were saying I was replaceable if I didn’t follow their demands. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

“You have something you want don’t you? Something you’d trample over everything else in the world to get. You might seem closed off, but to people like us, you’re an open book.”

I had to physically stop my hand from going up to my mouth in an anxious tic to chew on my nails. I hated being read so easily.

Was it really so wrong of me to be like that? I had tagged along in Belobog all because I needed to be sure to be on the radar of the Astral Express crew. There were some altruistic actions in saving Cocolia, but I had no idea if there were consequences of my actions. I started everything for one reason, to further myself.

I had abandoned Seele, who was a stranger to me despite the fact that I happened to be one of her friends. I had abandoned Natasha, who I helped out in the clinic. I had abandoned Wildfire, where I was so very clearly a member in an attempt to make the Underworld a better place.

They might have meant little to me, but I meant something to them. I trampled over their feelings to get to where I was now.

“So you’re going to get me that something? You can promise that?” I stared Sam down.

“I’m not going to say more. That’s not part of my script. I’ve given you more than enough as an apology for earlier. I’m simply here to keep an eye on you.”

I chewed on my lip, wincing as I opened up the tiny wound I created earlier.

At the very least, what they said confirmed they weren’t following a script that had every single action and line predetermined. Whether or not it was all one big improv show…

If it was, it’d be the greatest long-form show of improv in the galaxy.

What, exactly, did they want? I couldn’t remember. Was it even said? I once again wished that I had continued to play past the initial launch patch.

“Then what are we waiting for now?”

Sam was silent for five whole minutes. I stared at them the entire time, counting in my head.

“Time’s up Zenith. Good luck.” Sam declared, before bursting into hot flames.

I stumbled back in fear as heat licked my face. My hands reflexively went up to cover my face as the sudden light blinded me. Sam rocketed up into the dark of the sky, like a fire that blazed overhead, flying into the void. Soon enough, they had completely disappeared from sight.

“Huh?” I said out loud, more out of shock than anything. “What?”

I looked around, trying to see if anything had changed, but I was still in the same campsite that I had initially been deposited in. The sky was the same dark void, and absolutely no one was around me.

“Is this some sort of joke?” I said out loud, in a vain attempt to check if someone was listening.

Somehow, being left completely alone with nothing but the buzzing silence of my own mind was infinitely more daunting than having my kidnapper with me. At least with Sam I had some idea of what to expect, as the Stellaron Hunters clearly wanted me for something.

But now?

Being completely alone in what I could only assume was the middle of a fragmentum zone?

I could feel the black claws of paranoia start to sink into me.

One of them would come for me. Eventually. It had to be. They said they needed me, which meant I should be safe.

…Was I safe? What if this fragmentum zone had horrific eldritch amalgamations like what Belobog had? Remnants of people turned into monsters over the course of who knew how long.

I wouldn’t become like them. I refused to become like them.

But why? Why was I alone?

Was this some sort of test?

I paced around a bit more, chewing my nails as I did so. ‘Good luck’ Sam had said. What exactly did I need good luck for? People only said that before a test, or a trial. They had to be testing me.

But for what? There were no clues.

I could feel the blood drain from my face as I considered something else.

Maybe it was possible that Sam had gone through the notes on my phone, and the five minutes of silence was them confirming what to do with me. If they knew I wasn’t the Zenith from Belobog, the one who already was an expert at manipulating memories, what if they were going to discard me?

They knew after all. Maybe Silver Wolf took her time to condense everything into generic points and they had to come to a conclusion on what to do with me?

If I considered that, then I was as good as dead.

No- I couldn’t think like that.

The Astral Express had to have known I was missing. I had to believe in their abilities to locate me.

I just… needed to wait.

So I sat down on one of the logs in the campsite and waited.

And waited for hours.

But nobody came.

When my pulse started to rush and my anxiety felt like it was going to peel my skin off, I got up again.

I would pick a direction and go. I couldn’t just stay here and wait for my demise. Each direction had a forest of trees that extended into nothingness. A wall of darkness met my vision no matter where I looked.

I just… had to go.

Steeling myself, I walked away from the campsite. I got to the entrance of the trees when red lines appeared in front of me, blocking off my path. They shimmered ever so slightly and hummed in a volume that was barely audible.

…Lasers?

I turned to my left, only to see that another set of lasers had appeared and once again blocked my way. My right mirrored my left, leaving my only path back to the camp.

As I walked back, a corridor of lasers followed me, guiding me back to camp. They were nearly blinding in the darkness of the campsite, rendering anything past the wall nothing but a silhouette. I found myself in the center of the campsite, in nearly the exact same spot that I had initially woken up.

The lasers dropped, and when my vision cleared I saw two women.

One dressed in black and purple, with violet eyes and sunglasses adorned as an accessory in her hair. And one who’s hair was gray, with eyes a warm golden amber. Both of them were familiar, and both of them were someone I had seen prior to my kidnapping.

“Zenith?” My friend, the one who first welcomed me to the Astral Express, said in shock.

“...Stelle?” I couldn’t help but respond.

“Well now.” The one I knew who could only be Kafka said. “Let’s get onto business, shall we?”

And then, everything about what they wanted fell into place.

Chapter Text

This is a philosophical question.

Are we limited to feeling based on how our language can define us? Or can we exist beyond the capacity of our understanding? Does our understanding of syntax, feelings and ability to express ourselves represent who we are as a whole?

Or, alternatively, do people exist beyond their own memories?

If I were to wake up one day, with not a single memory to my name, would I be the same person that I was yesterday? What if I had a notebook full of each and every thought from before, all twenty-five years of my life in a notebook. I could read the entire thing, embrace the feelings and emotions that were on the page, but would that make me the same person that I was before I lost my memories?

I can’t think of a correct answer to this one. On a physical level we have not changed, but as an individual I wouldn’t be the same as I was yesterday.

I am defined by my experiences, and while the past may certainly not dictate how I act in the present, it still defines who I am. My friends, my family, my goals and achievements. I could throw them all away and still be myself, but who I am as a person was formed by those disposable things.

That is why… to those who do not have a past that they can look at. To those who have no future to look forward to.

I will create one for them. One step at a time.

And in doing so, I will prove Zenith wrong.

Chapter 15. Coming In From The Cold.

Kafka was a woman who always got what she wanted. Sam had told me that directly.

In this case, I was the one to give the hunter exactly what she desired. Everything clicked together like the last piece of a puzzle when Stelle had appeared.

Stelle, the woman who had no memories except of a certain Stellaron Hunter. Who hosted a Stellaron inside herself, brought back to life by the efforts of two intergalactic criminals, and had a past with one of the most mysterious people in the galaxy.

My role in this entire play was to give Stelle her memories back. Maybe they expected me to give her back one, maybe they expected everything from before she was revived. I wasn’t sure, but I had not a single doubt in my mind that’s what I would be tasked to do.

And I… didn’t believe Stelle came here just for me.

The proximity between Kafka and Stelle. Their posture, their stance. They were relaxed around each other. As if this wasn’t the first, or second, or even tenth time they had been together. The way that Stelle had absolutely no guard up around Kafka, and how Kafka seemed to soften up just the tiniest bit around Stelle.

The mind may forget, but the body remembers.

“Zenith, are you okay? I came here to find you.” Stelle said, worry evident in her eyes.

Liar. My mind whispered. I couldn’t tell if I was being paranoid, if the hours spent alone with nothing but the void above me had frayed upon my nerves. But I sincerely doubted that was her sole reason.

I scanned Stelle. Her face, her eyes. There was genuine worry there, but it was also plagued with hesitation. As if she wasn’t sure what she should be feeling, or saying to me.

“Did you come here because of me? Or because you were curious about your past memories?” I asked her bluntly.

Stelle took a moment before responding. “I… came here because I was told… that if I did I could free you.”

“And because of your memories.” I said, filling in with what she didn’t say.

Stelle didn’t respond, there was a flash of guilt on her face at that.

Was it really fair of me to say that to Stelle? Was I just lashing out? After all, if I was in her situation, it would be the same as killing two birds with one stone. Get back my memories and find my kidnapped crew member.

My heart twisted in an ugly manner. Sometimes I wish I could turn off my emotions.

“What do you want me to do?” I asked, addressing Kafka.

“It seems you’ve already figured it out. My, how keen of you.” Kafka said, there was a small smile on her face. I would liken it to a smug grin, but it seemed almost… pure.

My heart twisted again. It almost made me wish I could physically grab hold of it to stop it from hurting.

“And in return for doing so?”

“What, is helping your friend not enough of a reward?” Kafka chuckled. I filled my veins with ice and steeled myself as I kept my gaze even with her. “I heard you and Sam had an interesting talk. It’s always nice to see them making friends. That kind of stuff might not be part of their script, but it’s certainly mine.”

…I see. I certainly wouldn’t consider Sam a friend. But I understood what she was saying clearly.

I glanced at Stelle, she seemed confused but ultimately stayed silent.

I had my answer, now I just needed to know what to do. I broke eye contact with Kafka, she was fraying on my nerves. “Let’s get this on with. Do you have any idea where to start?”

“Zenith… What did you just agree to?” Stelle asked.

“To help you, Stelle.” I told her. “I’ve been here for hours. I don’t even know how long it’s been since I was kidnapped. I just want out.”

“You don’t have to worry about it too much, Stelle. Just trust your friend. Neither of us would hurt you.” Kafka spoke up.

Stelle glanced between the two of us before she nodded. “What do I have to do?”

Good question Stelle. I’d like to know that as well. But here I was, doing what I did best and winging everything until it made sense.

“Close your eyes.” Kafka whispered in Stelle’s ear. Her gloved hands came up and rested on Stelle’s shoulders, almost as if to relax her. “Hold out your hand and take a deep breath.”

Stelle did exactly what Kafka directed her to. Her golden irises disappeared behind her eyelids and she extended one hand gingerly in front of her. Kafka glanced at me, signaling my queue.

I took a second to steel myself once more before stepping up and grabbing Stelle’s hand with my own non-injured one.

Kafka’s gaze was locked on Stelle and I’s interlocked hands. There was some sort of emotion in her eyes, unreadable to all but herself. I wondered exactly what it was. Wistfulness? Jealousy? Anger? Happiness? Relief?

It could be anything.

“Listen to me Stelle…” I heard Kafka say, before the rest of it shrank into whispers too soft for me to hear.

I focused on myself, ignoring my heart twist for the third time at seeing how close the two women in front of me were. I simply had to look for whatever faded string appeared in front of me. I knew that Kafka was well aware of my abilities by now, that who I was and who I wasn’t were irrelevant so long as I did my job.

Doubting myself wouldn’t do. Even if I had failed to bring about my own memories using my power, it was entirely possible that doing it to others would be easier. Kafka clearly trusted, or expected, me to be able to do such a thing. If I couldn’t believe in myself, at the very least I could believe in her.

Even if she was the person who ultimately got me kidnapped.

“This isn’t a good idea.” Someone whispered into my own ear. There was a hand on my shoulder, parallel to what Kafka was doing with Stelle.

I went deathly still as I registered who it was. Their voice had faded into the back of my mind as the rest of the past events had greatly overshadowed them, but I recognized it regardless.

“It’s good you haven’t forgotten.” Messenger, the Memokeeper, said.

How could I forget the one who called me dangerous and ghosted me? How did she know what I was thinking?

“I’m reading your memories as you create them, you don’t need to speak this way.”

Wonderful, having my mind scanned without consent. What else was she looking through?

“I’m sorry to do this without asking. But I had to make contact when I realized what you were doing with our person of interest.” Memokeeper continued. “I’m not reading anything except your current thoughts.”

I looked back to Stelle, Kafka was still whispering to her. They were seemingly lost in their own little world.

“Are you jealous?”

Shut the fuck up, I nearly snarled as anger erupted from me out of nowhere.

“My apologies. I’m going to reiterate. I would heavily advise against altering the memories of the Stellaron host called Stelle.”

…I calmed myself down by taking a deep breath. I ignored the Memokeeper for a second to concentrate on my hand connected with Stelle. There was a tickling feeling there, similar to what I felt before with myself. I closed my own eyes and tried my best to concentrate on that feeling. It wiggled against me, not physically, but more in a spiritual sense. I felt as if it was connected with me beyond my skin.

Could I pull on it?

“Don’t. She is someone who has been beyond the veil of death and been brought back. There is a price to pay for such a thing. There are rules that all natural beings must follow.”

And who decided such rules? Aeons? Aeons didn’t create humanity. Humanity even created a few Aeons. So what if she was brought back from the dead? Was she not allowed to live? To reconnect with someone who clearly cared about her?

I… was jealous of Kafka. Of Stelle. Of the bond they shared. I was jealous because I was cognizant enough to recognize the small budding attraction that I had for Stelle. But when presented with the sight before me, the difference in how Kafka acted on the Express and when she was alone with just Stelle and I.

How could I just ignore that? If I had the ability, I had a responsibility with it. And in doing so, I hoped that I would get one step closer to finding a way back home.

I refused to be like Zenith, who used their power for selfish reasons. Maybe at one point she used it for good, but it was all selfishness before long.

I would be different than that, and if I could help out a friend. I would. My motivations might not be entirely selfless, but there was no world out there that would consider what I was doing as selfish. I just wanted to do what was right.

“...I see. I understand your conviction. Then I will guide you through the steps to take.” Messenger sighed, an action that contradicted her memetic body. “With luck, the consequences will be minimal. Don’t regret this later.”

I never regret things.

“Concentrate on that tickling feeling. Imagine that it’s wrapping around your finger. That it’ll curl up around your palm and then even more to your wrist. It’ll be slow, steady, but just imagine it slithering around your skin.” Messenger described it to me.

I focused on the feather-like feeling from our clasped hands. I could imagine it slowly connecting with my index finger, forming into something solid and less feathery. It turned into a piece of yarn, with a frayed end, and it slowly started to wrap itself around my finger. It circled it, once, twice, as slow as a snail, but eventually my entire finger was covered.

The yarn inched forward and forward, rather than me pulling on it, I focused on it coming to me. It continued to wrap around me, the length of it spinning and squeezing my finger as it started to wrap around my palm. It circled it thrice, skipping past my thumb and then finally onto my wrist.

“Imagine your fist closing. The feeling of the string against the rest of your digits as you grab hold of it as tight as possible.”

I did that, following her directions and gripping the yarn into my hand as best as I could. Its entire length was frayed and torn, it felt as if it was barely hanging onto itself. As if any sudden movement it could snap and be lost forever.

“If you go too fast, it will.” Messenger said. “Now, slowly, gently, pull back. Not too fast, but as slow as you can. Eventually the memory will come back to life. When it does, you’ll be able to tell.”

I nodded and did as she said, breaking off from my physical body and imagining myself pulling back my fist. I barely moved it, it felt like possibly a centimeter a second, a distance so minimal that I couldn’t even be sure if I was really moving.

Stelle gasped after thirty seconds. It was sudden, and I twitched in response. Parts of the string slipped from my grasp.

“Concentrate. If you lose the string you’ll have to find it again.”

I fixed my grip and started to pull once more, going on and on. I ignored Stelle groaning and even choking back a sob. I pulled, and pulled, a centimeter at a time until the string locked tight and refused to budge even further. The yarn that I held, the fraying, just barely stuck together length lit up in a color of bright gold.

A ripple moved down the length as it stiched itself together, wrapping around my finger and palm before solidifying at the end in a solid knot.

“Good. Now let go slowly.”

I slowly unclasped my hand from the newly reinforced string. It unwound itself from me, starting from the wrist and then my palms, before whisking around my finger and flying off into wherever it was before.

“...Well done. I’m almost scared at how well you did for your first time.”

I huffed and opened my eyes. Me and Stelle’s hands were still clasped, and Stelle had small tear streaks on her cheeks.

If Zenith could do such a thing, then I would be able to as well. I’d do it a thousand times better than her.

“That topic is something we will discuss later. For now, I have to be off and report about this. Please, do not do any more memory manipulation at the moment. It’s really not good for the body to bring back too much at once.” Messenger cautioned me.

I nodded and Messenger disappeared, the feeling of her hands on my shoulder vanishing as she did.

“I’m done. Anymore isn’t good for the body.” I repeated what Messenger said.

Stelle and I unlatched hands, and Stelle fluttered her eyes back open.

“Kafka…?” Stelle muttered out. She seemed a bit confused.

“It’s me.” Kafka whispered, just barely loud enough for me to hear. “What do you remember?”

Stelle’s eyes continued to flutter for a few more seconds. “I… can’t believe I have my coat because we stole it.” She said.

I blinked as I registered what Stelle said. What the hell did I make her remember? I wasn’t exactly expecting to be able to see what it was that I was causing someone to recall, but still.

Kafka laughed. It was a full, near belly laugh full of happiness. Hearing it enchanted me. It reminded me of a wonderful instrument.

“Do you remember the full day?” Kafka asked after she settled down. Stelle nodded in response. “Do you think you can do what you did to fend off those pests?”

Stelle frowned. “I think so. Especially with my lance. Should be easy enough. Why? What’s going to happen that I’ll need to do that?”

“You’ll need it soon. You’ll know when.”

“...I don’t like when you’re so cryptic.”

Kafka chuckled. “That’s just how I have to be right now.”

Stelle glanced at me. “You won’t hurt Zenith, right?”

Thank you for the concern, Stelle. But I was right here.

“Of course not. I just needed her help with this. I’ll let her regroup your crew in a bit.” Kafka reassured her.

Oh thank god. Confirmation that I would be alright. Kafka would never lie to Stelle, right? I was hesitant to butt in, as they seemed to be in their own little world.

Stelle nodded. “Okay. I’ll let you get to that. I don’t want to be gone too long so that Welt and March get suspicious. It’s the middle of the night but people are still wary after all the commotion you made.”

“That I made? They worry too much about the wrong things. The Stellaron has caused the Ambrosial Arbor to revive as predicted. It's best not to get so hung up over the smaller details.”

“Are you calling this meet-up a smaller detail?” I couldn't help but speak up.

“Of course. An unnecessary one, but one that I'm glad to have happened.”

I didn't have a response to that admission.

“Is Zenith coming with me now?” Stelle asked.

Kafka shook her head. “I'll give her back soon. But I need to have a little chat with her first.”

Stelle looked a little guilty at the prospect of leaving me behind. I wasn't sure about my feelings either way. On one hand, if I could go back immediately and regroup with the rest of the Astral Express crew, my general anxiety would probably lower a lot and I wouldn't be so on edge.

On the other hand…

They were dangling bait in front of me. A promise, unspoken yet tangible. They knew of my situation more than anyone else, not from my own admission but from something that was just as genuine.

If I could find any clues, any help towards getting me home….anything that could further my goal of surviving and getting back. I wasn't sure if I could just deny such a thing.

I had to find Zenith, and make her pay.

“Okay.” Stelle nodded to Kafka, before addressing me. “You can trust her. She might seem scary but she's actually a big softie. And if she ever does anything to you…”

Stelle gave Kafka a mock glare. Kafka played along by pretending to be offended. I could practically hear the unsaid ‘Who, me?’.

Whipped, perhaps?

“Thank you, Stelle. Tell everyone that I'm…” I paused as I thought about what word to say. “...alive.”

“They know. Kafka told everyone before she disappeared.” Stelle blinked, as if she just remembered that I had no idea what happened. “We didn't even know you had been kidnapped until then. The Stellaron is jamming communications.”

I see… Wonderful. I had completely forgotten about that little fact. But Silver Wolf… probably didn't play by the same rules.

I resisted the urge to sigh. My well of foreknowledge was officially about to dry up, not that it had done anything this past day.

“Well I just hope Himeko and Dan Heng got the memo. I kind of didn't get a chance to say anything before being whisked away.”

“I'll try to find a way to tell them.”

“Thanks.”

Things went silent for a second as Stelle shifted uncomfortably. It seemed as if she was still hesitant to leave me. I figured her problem wasn't necessarily with Kafka but more of the fact that she didn't know me nearly as well as her criminal married partner.

Not that I was a threat to Kafka. I highly doubted there was anything I could do to someone as enchanting and deadly as the woman who stood beside me. Rather, I think Stelle was worried about how I would take it.

“I’ll be fine, Stelle. Go clear up that Stellaron stuff before it gets too troublesome.” I reassured the girl from the Astral Express.

“...Alright. Thank you, Zenith. I will.”

And with that, Stelle left in a blizzard of distorted reality. Disappearing into thin air as Silver Wolf’s program scurried her back to wherever she came from.

Kafka and I didn’t acknowledge each other for a few moments. Kafka stared into the air where Stelle disappeared, her expression turning into something wistful. It was like watching someone’s lover depart from their embrace, knowing it must happen but wishing it wasn’t so the entire time.

I studied the Stellaron Hunter, the woman with powers beyond my comprehension, with a bounty so high that I couldn’t visualize the amount of money one would make if they turned her in.

She was someone… whimsical. I couldn’t believe I was using such a word to describe her, but after such a conversation I couldn’t help but think it fit her perfectly. The longing, the yearning, the humor and playful nature. It contrasted perfectly with her side that she showed on the express, where she elegantly twisted everyone to her tune, like a conductor tweaking an orchestra to her exact wants.

The way she spoke to me on the phone, precisely and efficiently neutralized anything I could do for help.

Which side would I be receiving? I wasn’t so naive to believe that only one side of what I’d witnessed was the real her, or that she had no other sides that I’d yet to see.

My guess was that they were all real. All a part of her, learned over years of need and expertise.

Kafka turned to catch my gaze. I had the feeling that she was studying me, dissecting me and reanalyzing everything she knew based on how I was presenting myself. It made my heart pound in my chest and my anxiety flared up as every instinct I had recognized this woman as a threat.

And yet, strangely, I found myself easily ignoring said instinct. Something deeper told me that this woman would not hurt me. Was it my trust in Stelle? I wasn’t quite sure, truthfully there was a little sting of pain thinking about her.

Then, what? What was it? What was it about Kafka that had me so entranced?

“You don’t seem to be scared.” Kafka noted.

“Should I be?” I asked in a genuine search for an answer.

I had been kidnapped, threatened by a mechanical person twice my height with flames that would burn me to a crisp, challenged a legendary hacker to a battle on her own turf, had the revelation that my entire world was literally stolen from me by my own alternate self, and then met up with the face of the Stellaron Hunters.

Was I scared?

I think at this point, I was simply too exhausted to feel such emotions. I felt a little disconnected with myself, like my sole priority was to secure a future that would benefit me the most.

“Hmm. No, not really.” Kafka hummed. “Walk with me.”

The strange woman moved past me, forcing me to turn around to follow her. Bits and pieces of the backdrop seemingly evaporated from sight as she continued to walk. It was like our plane of existence centered around Kafka, and that if I strayed too far from her, I too would be swept away into nothingness.

“So? Is this an interview?” I prodded.

“Are you interested?” Kafka shot back.

“Depends on how truthful Sam was being.”

We passed by the trees that were previously blocked off by lasers. The campsite disappeared into the void.

“I’m not aware of the full extent of your conversation. But yes. If there’s something you’re interested in, we can help you obtain that. I have a guess based on what Silver Wolf sent everyone.” Kafka said, confirming my previous thoughts that Silver Wolf had indeed sent the Hunters what was in my phone.

“...I want a way home.” I said bluntly. They knew everything already. No use beating around the bush.

“To have your life ripped from you by your own hands. A unique set of circumstances.”

“Any chance you've dealt with something like this before?” I half-joked.

Kafka chuckled. “Not quite. We have someone who's searching for a way to take back their future. Someone who's looking to end their present, and you, who is looking to reconnect with your past. Funny how things work out.”

I tried to place names to the descriptions. I knew too little of each person to accurately do so, however.

“And you?”

Kafka sighed. “I wish for a simple life.”

I raised an eyebrow. “We must have different definitions of simple. I don't think having a multi-billion credit bounty is simple.”

“A woman has her hobbies.”

Murderer, criminal, thief. What could I even say? If I were a better person I would care about such things.

Did the ends justify the means?

If I associated myself with someone like her, even if for good reasons, what did that make me?

Such questions were often better left unanswered.

We continued forward, maneuvering through the darkness of the forest until we came upon a near identical campsite. It had the same logs as benches, the same fire burning in the middle, even the same tent. Except this time, three other people were there waiting.

I saw Sam, in all of their mechanical glory. Their suit gleamed in the darkness. Lighting from the flames licked the edges, casting long shadows across their visage that made their appearance all the more menacing.

Silver Wolf was also there, looking amused as if everything that was currently happening was one big game. Her visor was on, casting a purple hue over her face.

There was another person, one whom I had yet to meet up until now. I knew their name was Blade. He was tall, daunting with long dark hair and blood red eyes. This was… someone related to Dan Heng’s past. My memory scarcely remembered them.

I came to a stop as I registered the positions of everyone. There was a clear entrance to the site that I was at, a place where there was no makeshift bench. It opened up to me, with each member of the Stellaron Hunters clearly in my view, if I were to stand at said entrance.

Kafka continued to walk forward, stopping and turning when she was parallel to me on the opposite side.

Anxiety started to creep down my spine. What did I get myself into? Was I going to make a deal with the devil? All to get home?

But- no. Stelle trusted Kafka. Did such trust extend to the other members of the Hunters? Maybe, maybe not. But Kafka, from my knowledge, was a leader of the group. They also clearly warned us, the Astral Express, that a Stellaron burst was occurring on the Luofu. Even if it was to further their own plans, in doing so they probably saved countless lives.

But how many more had they killed? I didn’t know enough. Why? Why why why did I agree to this?

There was a tinge of regret that welled up in not begging to go with Stelle, but I stamped it down. I had long since refused to regret things.

I had to steel myself. I chanted to myself. Steel myself, get into character, let myself bleed away and someone much more confident take my place.

But who?

“Credit for your thoughts?” Kafka asked me from across the campsite.

Sam’s gaze was centered on me. While Silver Wolf seemed entirely disinterested. I couldn’t read Blade enough, but it seemed he was only tangentially interested in what was going on.

Confidence? I had no character I could pull that from. The only thing I had… was myself and my spite for the one who shared the same name as me.

Zenith… I would find you. I would be a better person than you. I would live my life to the fullest with no regrets, if only to spite you.

I just had to be myself.

I took a deep, shaky breath.

“You said you had a way to get me whatever it was that I’m interested in. Can you back that claim up?” I asked, my voice projecting clearly despite the stormy emotions that dwelled beneath the surface.

“Of course, it depends on what it is. But… if you’re looking for a way back to your home. Then it’s possible.”

Possibility. The word filled me with hope, one that I kept on a tight leash before my emotions raged out of control. I couldn’t let myself get carried away.

“I have a few questions.”

“Everyone always does.”

I took a moment to think about how to word them. “Is there some sort of test I have to go through?”

Kafka smiled knowingly. “Haven’t you already done that?”

I thought back to Stelle and nodded in acknowledgment.

“Why did you kidnap me?”

“There were other roads that we could have gone through to get your attention. But this one reaped the greatest benefits for the future. Time is not something to be wasted after all.”

What an extremely vague statement. Didn’t that confirm that Destiny was ever changing? They could have picked other… methods to alert me, yet they chose to do so with brute force and efficiency right after Stelle, Welt and March stepped off the train.

I wasn’t sure what else I could grasp from that answer. It was something that I needed to revisit.

“...How did you find out about me?”

“You won’t believe us at this point in time.” Kafka stated matter of factly, as if she knew me better than I did. “Ask me again after we know each other a bit more.”

It irked me, but I couldn’t think about these things in the basic logical sense that I was used to. If they had literally seen the future and knew I wouldn’t accept it, then what could I do but follow what they said?

I clicked my tongue. I wouldn’t just lay down and accept my fate, but this wasn’t something to get hung up on.

“What exactly do you want from me?” I asked the question of the hour.

Kafka stared me down. I felt my anxiety flare up again.

“Memories are an important, crucial, yet not essential part of us. Pathstriders of Remembrance like yourself are often snatched up by the Garden or the Cremators as soon as they’re discovered, or alternatively, suffer a fate worse than death. To manipulate memories is to manipulate the essence of a person.” Kafka told me, laying out the groundworks before she continued to explain. “You are in a unique situation. You’ve been touched by the Remembrance, manipulated by a pathstrider and had your entire life taken away from you. Your character is good, you’re smart, and the fact that you’re here, asking questions shows that your ambition will not hold you back.”

She had yet to answer my question. “...And?” I said, after a few beats of silence.

The Stellaron Hunter smiled. “And, all we need from you, is to help a few of our members and friends when the time arises.”

A few of our members and friends. What could I possibly do to any of these people? Stelle I could understand. But the Stellaron Hunters themselves?

I chewed on my lip. If they were interested in recruiting me, I had to lay down some rules. Interviews went both ways.

“I won’t kill, or seriously injure anyone, so if you’re expecting me to do that, then I’m telling you right now that won’t be the case.” I put down as my first clause.

“That’s fine.” Kafka shrugged, as if she expected that. “We know you’re a non-combatant. That was never in our interest anyways.”

“You will learn self-defense.” Blade spoke, surprising me with his deep voice. “Not now, but eventually.”

It took me a second to compose myself after the sudden interjection from someone else. I had expected them to all be quiet the entire time.

Self-defense… It reminded me of Dan Heng. He too told me I had to practice.

I was curious about their history together, but now wasn’t the time.

“That’s fine…” I said, and turned back to Kafka. “I… What about the Astral Express? Are you expecting me to leave them to come with you?”

“Not at all. It’d be best if you continued to travel with them, they’ll offer better protection than we can. Our missions usually get dirty.” Kafka told me.

I nodded and stopped to think. I swallowed my nerves and attempted to slow down my thoughts from racing at the speed of light, far too fast for me to make out conscious ideas.

It had been one day, one singular day. Twenty-four hours. Everything that I had gone through, experienced, witnessed made it feel like it had been months. I felt more grounded in this reality than I had ever been, even after living in Belobog for a week. Just from my experiences.

Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe I was still out cold from when Sam had knocked me out.

And yet; the feeling of glass slicing open my skin, the mirror shattering just like my world, was still lucid to me.

“Do I have to make a decision right this moment?” I asked my final question.

“No.” Kafka answered. “Wait until the end of your journey on the Luofu. You’ll witness something that will cause you to have your answer with no hesitation. Whether you accept or deny is something entirely up to you. Influencing or forcing your decision will only result in trouble down the line. This must be something you decide upon with your entire being.”

I felt dizzy from her answer. The way she spoke with such confidence made me want to believe in her. It was like her charisma itself enchanted me, finding myself wanting to agree with her despite everything.

“Alright. I understand.”

“Good. There’s a few hours before the final act and curtain call. We’ve laid out a spot that you can rest in the tent. You might be just an extra, but even extras must go on stage.” The Leader of the Stellaron Hunters explained to me.

I nodded and for the first time since everything had started, felt fatigue rush into me like a train. I walked past Sam, ignoring how their gaze followed me, and opened one of the flaps into the tent.

…It was a regular tent, completely unlike the house that I had been in from the other campsite. It had a singular sleeping bag just for me, a lamp, water bottles and a few ration bars of some unknown variety.

I walked in, not even bothering to zip up the tent, and stumbled into the sleeping bag.

I fell asleep faster than I had ever done so in my entire life.

Chapter Text

On an ocean of stars,

Lo, an Angel they see,

Untouched by the war,

that they waged.

-The Heritors of Arcadia.

Let's talk about Aeons.

What the fuck ARE Aeons?

Of course, there's the definition of them in the archives, but that one doesn't full encompass the severity of the fact that ‘what do you mean there's a nigh god-like being that just exists and can possibly appear at any time or glance at us which will either fuck us over or grant us power which we most certainly didn't have before’.

Yes. I mean every word. When an Aeon takes interest in something it can be physically and spiritually felt by everyone in the vicinity. Just a glance is enough to send someone sensitive enough into cardiac arrest depending on the intent behind the gaze, and an Aeon actually appearing?

Depending on who they were, everyone was either dead, granted a second chance at life, or nothing changed as they observed.

There were other possibilities of course. Such as everyone having their body parts replaced by random animals, the very essence of the area being turned into nothing but a void, or even people getting a chance to ask questions via magic 8-ball.

Basically; do not mess with Aeons.

Unfortunately, this is advice I must give from personal experience.

Chapter 16. It's a hard knock life.

I dreamt of an ocean of stars.

It was some sort of space station that I found myself in. With technologically advanced doors that slid open as I approached. There were mirrors in the hall that I was in which showed the dark void of space, lit up by the ambient twinkling of the galaxy.

I went through one of the doors, immediately stumbling upon a girl around my height. Her back was turned to me and she spoke up as I entered.

“Is that you Kaf-” She cut herself off as she turned and noticed me.

Instead of continuing her sentence, she immediately got into a fighting stance and lashed out with a high kick. It connected solidly with my nose and there was a sickening crunch and a blinding spark of pain.

I screamed in agony and collapsed to the ground. My face felt like it had been snapped in half and all my nerves were on fire. My breathing felt clogged, as if someone had stuffed wads of bloody tissue paper up it.

It could have been a minute, a few seconds or an hour, but the next moments felt like a pain induced blurry haze until someone got on top of me for a brief second, forced my hands off my face and grabbed hold of my nose. There was even more pain in that singular moment that they jerked it back into place before a sweet relief of being able to breathe once more.

“Fuuuuuuuuck.” I groaned in pain, the hot throb of my nose wasn't nearly as overwhelming as before, at least now I could think.

Wasn't I in a dream? How did I get my nose broken inside a dream?

“I'm… sorry about that. You shouldn't come into people's rooms unannounced.” The girl who kicked my face in and subsequently reset my nose said.

My eyes fluttered open, I forced myself up and got a good look at her. She was a young woman, probably a bit younger than me? Not by much, maybe a few years. Her hair was… silver from what I could tell, and the rest of her features were a blurry mess that passed over my mind.

I knew then that this wasn't just some ordinary dream.

“Yeah, I would say sorry but it's not exactly my fault that I'm here.” I said.

Maybe it was, but it wasn't like I had control over it.

“...Uhm. I'm not quite sure what you meant by that, but I'll listen for a bit. I'm prepping for my next mission.” The silver haired girl said.

She then smiled at me in a sickening, extremely fake smile. It was almost as if she was trying to convince herself rather than me.

I tried not to let people who lied to themselves bother me, but I wondered who it was that she was trying to fool.

Next mission? Did I know this person? No, I only knew two people with silver hair and I knew this wasn't Stelle nor Bronya. I think I had met her in a dream once before however.

I wracked my brains. Maybe I'll just follow the script I left myself with my other dreams.

“I'm going to call you…” I searched for a codename to call her. I took a look around her room for something to inspire me, but came up blank. There was a window to the stars outside, with a million little lights from each celestial body. “...Little Light.”

“Huh- What? My name is-”

“And!” I said loudly, interrupting her from saying her name. “Remember this; When Spring Comes, Magnolias Wither.”

“...Are you… even a part of this space station? Are you a friend of hers? Where did you come from?”

Hmm. Telling her that I was a pathstrider of Remembrance was a no-go, the less people knew of that the better. But maybe something tangentially related?

“I work in dreams.” I explained, not technically lying. “I'm not exactly sure what our connection is but I'm sure there's some importance. As for my name, I'm-”

“-Zenith. Wake up.” Someone called from outside my tent.

The voice was mechanical, as if ran through a filter, and as such it erased all nuance from it. I knew who it was, even if my foggy brain took a few seconds to wake up.

I got up quickly, my body moving before I was fully awake, and stepped outside. I took a second to feel my nose, ensuring that it wasn't broken with a sign of relief, and faced Sam.

“Yes?” I asked, surveying the campsite as I did so. No one else was here except me and Sam.

“It's nearly time. Have you prepared yourself?” They asked me.

It took my still foggy mind a few seconds to understand exactly what they meant. It was time to take to the stage. If only I had any idea of what was next, that would be great. As it was… I was essentially going in blind.

“I suppose so.” I said. I was still hesitant around Sam due to my first impression of them being horrendous, but I'd at least try my best. “Any tips for what's to come?”

“Only one. Brace yourself.”

Then I felt a powerful impact on the back of my neck, one that caused my vision to darken and my thoughts to slow to a crawl.

Never… trusting someone… again…

Everything went dark as the void swallowed me whole.

If I had to experience being suddenly knocked unconscious one more time I was going to kill someone. I did not care if said someone was a mech twice my size with a palm capable of grabbing my face in one hand. I would find a way.

As it was, I instead had to deal with the horrible nausea that came with the fact that my brain had been rattled in my skull and everything was blurry to all hell.

“Uughhhhhhhhhh…” I groaned out.

My surroundings were a double visioned mess, something that cleared as my lucidity slowly crept back to me.

The telltale crashing of waves was a sound that I could never mistake, leaving me completely confused as to where I was. I was on an… island of sorts. A small one, and I was not alone.

Everyone was here. Kafka, Blade, March, Stelle, Welt.

Was that Jing Yuan and Yanqing as well? What the hell was going on?

We had clearly gone way past the point that I was experienced with.

“Zenith! Are you okay?” March shouted at me. She was on the other side of the… stand off that the Stellaron Hunters and the Astral Express was having.

“Oh. You're awake.” Kafka declared, loud enough for the Astral Express crew. It felt more like a part of an act than anything else. “Hope you had a nice time in our hospitality.”

My first attempt to respond had me nearly throwing up. I swallowed that down. “Could have been better. Prefer not having my head bashed in. I'll be lodging a complaint to your manager.” I snarked.

I stumbled myself up onto my feet in time to catch a smirk from Kafka. Did she find that funny or was she simply participating in schadenfreude at seeing me flail around?

Stelle was staring at us from across the tiny island. Her gaze bounced between me and Kafka. She was too far away for me to decipher what exactly she was feeling, but I'd imagine it wasn't anything positive.

I surveyed the other people. It reminded me of a western stand-off. Blade was doing his best to kill someone just from a glare. That someone was-

…Was that Dan Heng with horns?

”Can someone explain what the hell is going on?” I said, eliciting attention from everyone.

I immediately shrank back as I felt nearly everyone’s gaze turned towards me. I… didn't mean to say that out loud. Or at that volume. My god.

Welt gave me a very odd look as I said that.

“Well then, gentlemen. Please wrap this up. The Young Miss looks like she needs some medical attention.” Jing Yuan said. I could only assume he was talking to Blade and Dan Heng, who had chosen to ignore me to stare down the other.

“Zenith. Remember what we chatted about.” Kafka whispered from beside me. She timed it just as March, Welt and Stelle began to converse with themselves. It was only loud enough for me to hear. “A little upcoming hint. Make sure to get front row seats. You wouldn't want to miss when THEY appear.”

Who were they?

Dan Heng shot me a glance. I wasn't sure what it meant. Did he manage to hear what she said? Did this new… form of his grant him higher powers? My head hurt too much to contemplate more.

Maybe I was just being paranoid.

“Any chance you have painkillers?” I asked, stumbling a bit. I wasn't quite sure who I was directing this question to.

Kafka chuckled. Was I really that funny?

Blade must have made some sort of face, because Dan Heng grimaced. The Stellaron Hunter turned and walked my way. I almost fell over when he reached into his coat and pulled out a vial, thrusting it into my hands.

“You have a concussion. Drink this.” Blade said to me.

“T-Thanks.” I said. “You're nice.”

I blinked. That was uncharacteristic of me. Wait, Blade said I had a concussion?

I hated Sam.

“Time to say bye.” Kafka said, blowing me a kiss.

No, not me. I dodged the invisible kiss and turned to look at the line it would follow. It was on a direct track for Stelle!

“Say goodbye to your girlfriend Stelle. Don't be mean.” I mumbled out.

Stelle gave me ‘The Look’. I wisely decided to shut up.

The two Stellaron Hunters moved to exit the stage. I followed after them for a few steps, only to be stopped when someone put their hand on my shoulder.

“Please, Zenith, just sit still.” Dan Heng said. “You’re not a hostage anymore, you don’t need to follow them.

“Nice horns.” I said. Dan Heng stared straight into my eyes. “Hey buddy I’m into women. Sorry.”

Dan Heng sighed. “You have a concussion. Give me the vial, please.” I handed him the vial.

He uncorked the glass container. Hey, I didn’t know people actually used corks for those types of things. Neat.

Dan Heng sniffed it, and the rest of the Astral Express crew joined us.

“I’ve never seen Zenith act like this…” March commented.

“Huh? I’m pretty normal aren’t I?” I was confused at what March said. She was the one not acting normal. No one’s hair is that pink after all. “I’ve always had a question, is your hair naturally pink?”

“Did the Stellaron Hunters do anything to you?” Welt Yang asked me.

“Uhh…” I thought back. “We played games. I really suck at fighting games.”

I think I heard Jing Yuan snicker, but I wasn’t quite sure.

“...Anything else?” Stelle asked.

“I broke their mirror.”

“Is that why your hand is all cut up?” March asked me.

“Yup.”

“Drink this, it’s safe.” Dan Heng, horn version, handed me the vial that Blade had originally given me. Returned to its rightful owner at last!

“Huh? Ok.” I took the vial from my horned friend and downed it in one go. It tasted like a stale can of beer. “Yuck.”

“Can’t we keep her like this? It’s funny.” March commented.

“No March, a concussion is no laughing matter.” Welt scolded her. “Even if it might seem amusing, there’s a good chance you’d act in a similar manner.”

I stumbled a bit as my head started to pound even more. Stelle caught me in her arms as my legs gave out. I didn't have the chance to enjoy her toned arms as my head felt like it was splitting itself open.

“Careful.” Stelle whispered into my ear.

“Hurts…” I groaned, cradling my head.

I couldn't tell how long I spent like that but my headache subsided and it was as if a fog had been lifted from my head. Like my head, which had previously been split into two, had been stitched back together by some cyberpunk ripperdoc. The wonders of modern medicine!

And subsequently I realized I had been acting like an absolute dumbass.

I pushed myself out of Stelle's arms and righted myself.

“If anyone says anything about how I acted I will come into your room at night and smother you with a pillow.” I threatened.

Dan Heng seemed entirely unfazed. “Are you feeling better?” He asked.

I sighed and nodded. I don't know what was in that mysterious vial that Blade had given me but I felt like I had been awake for twenty hours as opposed to feeling like I had been hit by a bus, so there was that.

“Welcome back! And yes, my hair is naturally this pink.” March said to me.

“Don’t think I don’t remember what you said, March.” I glared at March.

The pink girl raised her arms in surrender. She gave me a smile that belied her amusement.

“Can someone give me a run down of what happened?” I asked, specifically not pleading.

“I can.” Stelle said. “I’m… the reason we’re late.”

I blinked. “You’re the reason Dan Heng has horns?”

“No.” Stelle squinted at me. “What? Are you sure you feel better?”

I crossed my arms defensively. “Listen, I’ve been stuck in the Stellaron Hunters secret base for the past twenty-four or however many hours. I have literally zero idea what has happened outside of that.”

Stelle got a pointed look from me. She should know that more than anyone else.

Stelle grimaced. “...Long story short, the Stellaron caused the Ambrosial Arbor to bloom, it’s that gigantic tree that you can see even from here.”

I blinked, right I remembered that. We had discussed that when we met up with Kafka. It was also the last bit of foreknowledge that I had. Anything past that was released when I quit. “Right, I know that.”

“How do you know that?” March asked me, not suspicious but seemingly genuine in her curiosity.

I stumbled as I realized that was something I probably shouldn’t know.

“The Stellaron Hunters probably brought it up when it happened.” Stelle said, saving me as she met my gaze and we both silently agreed to not bring up the fact that she had been there with me.

I didn’t exactly like lying, but… what Stelle said wasn’t a lie.

“Basically.” I agreed. “What else happened after that?”

“...We defeated the guardian that protected it, and made our way through the Alchemy Commission that had been turned into a warzone as well as an evacuation center for civilians. There was a covert operation to give Cloud Knights a disease called Mara, one that turned them into mindless beasts. The Sanctus Medicus, a faction dedicated to Yaoshi the Abundance, were the true perpetrators that planted the Stellaron on the Xianzhou.”

I took my time to absorb everything. The Sanctus Medicus? Weren't those the lunatic cultists that tried to rope Stelle into immortality? They smuggled a Stellaron on board the Xianzhou? That… didn't sound right. It didn't explain what Kafka and Blade were doing here. Why Dan Heng had horns. Why Jing Yuan and his brat were off to the side, listening in on our conversation.

“...That's not all, is it?”

“No, Zenith. That's just scratching the surface.” Welt told me.

What the hell…

“Tingyun, you don't know her but she was our guide. Her true identity was Phantylia, a lord Ravager of Destruction. One of Nanook's Emanators.” Stelle said.

My mind blanked.

What? What the fuck? What kind of plot twist was this? Nanook was the cause behind this? Tingyun? The brown haired foxian who seemed as if she wanted to be anywhere but guiding people around?

“K-Kafka and Blade… And Dan Heng?” I stammered out in an attempt to continue the conversation.

“I can fill in the rest, Stelle.” Dan Heng cut in.

I looked at the usually stoic lancer, now primed with two appendages sticking out from his head.

“I ran into Kafka and Blade first, here on this island. You were there as well, unconscious in the arms of Sam, the Molten Knight. The Molten Knight left as I showed up. Then… Yanqing, Jing Yuan's… disciple, appeared.” Dan Heng explained. He paused for a bit as if to collect his thoughts. “We fought, Yanqing, Blade and I, although we had to put it on hold when Jing Yuan and the rest of the crew appeared. Blade already achieved his goal by then. That was right around when you woke up.”

…Wow. Damn.

Was this… what happened in the game? Or did things somehow change?

“Y-Your horns?” I asked.

“It's no use. We've asked as well.’ March commented.

Jing Yuan intervened, almost as if to save Dan Heng from answering. “Now now, if everyone is caught up. Then we should continue onwards. Phantylia and the Arbor won't wait forever.”

Everyone else seemed to be on the same page, as they all agreed one way or another. But I felt similar to when I first arrived in this world. Thrust into an entirely new and unknown situation, only this time I had no idea what to expect.

Kafka told me to get a front row seat. If I listened to her, what would I experience? She didn't say I had to, or alluded that destiny dictated I needed to. She simply said… It was a hint.

“Alright, lead the way.” I said.

Welt frowned. “Zenith, you should head back.”

I shook my head. “To where? The Alchemy Commission? Stelle said it was a warzone. I'd much rather be around you guys, as well as a literal general of the Xianzhou. If we lose it's not like being in an evac center will change my eventual demise anyways.”

“Wow. That's the Zenith we know. Guess you really are feeling better.” March said.

I furrowed my brow. Just what sort of opinion did March have of me?

Welt seemed hesitant still, but relented. “Fine, just stay safe.”

“Thank you.” I said sincerely.

I hated the fact that I felt like a damsel in distress, with the entire kidnapping situation. Even if I had gotten something out of it, and a possible promise for more, it rubbed me the wrong way. I wanted to be useful, but truthfully I wasn't quite sure how to.

I'd think of something eventually. I always did.

I sighed to myself. From opting to stay in the train to avoid trouble, to going out of my way to be included against a Lord Ravager of all things. Maybe… I was getting too into things.

I just hoped I didn't bite off more than I could chew.

Chapter Text

In candlelight,

As time unwinds,

I find myself,

Lost in your eyes.

Chapter 17. Had I Not Seen The Sun

A clown danced at the edge of my vision.

It was impossible to pin down. Looking at it caused it to disappear, and only when I looked straight ahead did I have a clear view of it.

It smiled and laughed and danced. Mocking me, with its jovial nature.

Had I gone insane? Did the time I spent alone, with nothing around me but the horrible all consuming darkness in the Stellaron Hunters’ camp, wipe my sanity from me?

Or was it simply a manifestation of my guilt? My regret? My willingness to go behind the backs of the people that accepted me in, treated me to warm hospitality and let me walk in the light. My first hope in finding the way back.

But that didn't make sense. I didn't feel guilt nor regret about that. Maybe I should, and that was what the dancing clown was trying to tell me. Or maybe I had gone insane and was rambling to myself.

Who knew? Maybe the entire world had gone mad.

I looked at my hand, imagining threads emerging from my fingertips, and wrapping around the other. Memories of old pushed to the surface of my mind in an attempt to bring them into a bright bloom once more. Yet, even when the threads wrapped around me, I found that nothing I did caused them to blossom.

It was as if the threads refused to obey my will. My own threads, refusing my body. Even as I pulled, my memories remained underneath the water, shimmering just on the surface but unwilling to emerge.

I frowned. Although actually getting the strings of memories to appear was a slow and arduous process, one that seemed to be improving if ever slowly the more I did it, doing things with it came up barren.

But only on myself.

I had clearly succeeded with Stelle earlier. Whatever Kafka and Stelle did, they clearly understood something that I didn't.

If I tried to pull on March's missing memories, what would happen?

That was a thought best saved for later.

Diviner Fu Xuan was a petite woman. Her long pink hair fluttered prettily with the sea breeze and left me slightly enraptured at the sight.

She reminded me of a girl in high school. Her name was Bailey. She was my partner in acting, although she did choir. Her singing voice was leagues better than I could have ever hoped to achieve. Her shortness, combined with her stern nature, paralleled exactly with Fu Xuan.

I don't know what my feelings for Bailey were. Did I like her? Did I love her? Or was I just in love with the idea of her?

Looking back, I don't think it was any of them. I enjoyed her company like a good friend, an introvert and her extrovert. But I didn't want anything more. I was content with having someone who would pull me into situations I was too scared to do myself. Someone who would grab my hand after watching ‘Shakespeare In Love’ and we would skip back home.

Was I capable of love at all?

My ex of three years would say yes. That I loved her even if she couldn't tell what I was thinking most of the time. That the obsession, nigh bordering on insanity from the constant push and pulls and confusing signals would equal what people labeled as love. That the moments without anarchy, where we simply existed with one another, was also a form of love.

Everyone had their own definition of love, I wasn’t sure of mine. But I wasn’t sure if I was capable of loving someone at all. Not in the capacity that people wanted.

Attraction to someone notwithstanding, love was an entirely different beast. Did my attraction to people necessarily equate to me loving them? Or, as I had theorized for some time now, did my attraction to someone come from a deep seated desire to relate to someone beyond surface level? To feel like I belonged with them, to be understood in my entirety as a person despite all my flaws and incapability to feel things people normally did.

Sometimes my heart fluttered. But rarely did it go beyond that. Often my cheeks would light up, but rarely did it mean anything more than attraction. I could be left breathless, taken away in awe of someone’s beauty, but never did it leave me… wishing for more.

Jealousy did, however. Jealousy made me wish for more.

To identify the emotion of ‘happiness’, isolate it and be able to pinpoint what made me happy was something that I still to this day was unable to grasp.

I don’t think I was capable of love.

Was this what Zenith meant?

I clicked my tongue in annoyance. That thought that popped up soured my mood. Zenith knew nothing.

“What’s got you staring at Diviner Fu Xuan so hard?” March asked, saddling up beside me as the rest of the crew and Xianzhou planned out what to do.

“She’s pretty.” I said simply.

March blinked at me. “Yeah, of course she is. But I’ve seen you stare at pretty girls and usually you don’t look like you’re trapped within your own mind. Usually you just stumble over yourself like a mess.”

I pursed my lips. Just… what sort of opinion did March have of me, exactly?

“She reminds me of someone I once knew.” I offered.

“Of a past lover or…”

I shook my head. “No, just a friend. I was never able to pinpoint my feelings about them, and seeing Fu Xuan look and act so similar got me thinking about it again.”

March’s mouth dropped open. “S-Seele? You like Seele?!?” March all but shouted.

My brain stopped as I tried to recognize what March just said.

Seele? What-

Oh. Of course. March thought I was from Belobog, and Seele was similar enough to Fu Xuan in personality… maybe?

I face palmed. “No, March. Not Seele.”

March paused and opened her mouth. “Ly-”

“No, not Lynx or Pela either. Or Natasha. Or Serval, or anyone from Belobog.” I cut her off.

The pink haired archer frowned. “If they aren’t from Belobog, then how do you know them?”

I grimaced. “It’s… complicated. I don’t feel like talking about this anymore. Do you know what the plan is for confronting Phantylia? I wasn’t paying attention.” I said, changing the topic.

March seemed confused, I couldn’t blame her, but accepted the topic swap. “Well, not the entire plan. But essentially Jing Yuan, Dan Heng, me, Stelle and Welt will all venture down the… Scalegorge Waterscape… I think it’s called, and then we’ll beat her up, I guess?”

If this were a cartoon, I believe this would be the perfect moment to have a sweatdrop. As it was, I simply stared.

That was the plan? Go down and beat up an emanator? No, no. That couldn’t be it. I… needed more information.

“And me?” I asked.

“And you, Young Miss, will stay here.” Jing Yuan said, approaching us and cutting into our conversation.

I crossed my arms. “...And your reasoning is?”

March gave me a look as if I was missing something obvious. “Zenith, you’re not a fighter. You’d get hurt, not to mention you just recovered from being kidnapped!”

I chewed on my lip. It was still sore from how raw I gnawed it during my kidnapping, but the rest that I got had most of the skin healed.

“I understand what you’re saying but…” I trailed off, not having a rebuttal. What she was saying was true. It was only my emotions that wanted it to not be.

“I can’t quite claim to know exactly what you’re feeling. But I’m willing to guess that you probably want to feel useful in some capacity after everything that has happened to you.” Jing Yuan said to me. “However Phantylia is no mere grunt. She is a lord ravager, and just being around her is deadly. The best course of action for you is to stay here.”

I could read between the lines. “Because I’d be a burden if people had to protect me.” I stated what he refused to.

Jing Yuan didn’t seem surprised, instead he merely nodded. “Indeed.” He agreed.

I took a deep breath. I was only a tiny bit unsettled that he could read through me, but… he was hundreds if not a thousand years old. I wasn’t sure of the exact number, but I literally couldn’t imagine someone being alive for so long.

“Yeah, I get it. I’ve sort of understood that from the start.” I said, swallowing my pride. It wasn’t that difficult to do in this case.

I wondered if this counted as front row seats. Kafka’s hint left a nagging feeling on the back of my mind.

“It's unfortunate that I must offer greetings in a situation like this, as well as so late, but I'm Jing Yuan, general of the Xianzhou Luofu.” Jing Yuan introduced himself to me suddenly.

I straightened myself out on reflex at the sudden introduction. It was out of nowhere, but he must have done so out of courtesy.

“I'm Zenith. Passenger of the Astral Express. Thank you-” I stuttered a bit. “-for, uh, your hospitality.”

“Well met.” Jing Yuan smiled. “As discourteous as it is, I must take Miss March from your conversation, as the mission will begin soon.”

“Oh.” So soon? “Sure. Yeah. Nice to meet you. And… good luck.”

“Hopefully we won't need it.” Jing Yuan said.

“Stay safe Zenith!” March said, turning to leave with the general.

I watched the rest of the Astral Express crew congregate together. A wisp of something dark reached up and licked my heart. It existed only for a second before I snuffed it out.

Distance was always such a hard thing to bridge. Emotions that lacked any logic made It even worse.

The group circled around a statue that looked eerily similar to Dan Heng in his new form. It had horns, exactly in the same place and manner as Dan Heng did. Even the hair and the spear were similar.

Could it be him? If Dan Heng was really a long lived species this entire time. Was this his past that he never shared?

Dan Heng did something to the statue that was laid before us. He twisted and turned, coalescing an orb of light into his palm as he lifted off the ground. Water swirled around him, accelerating into a near vortex. The orb he held exploded like a supernova, creating a beam of gold that ascended into the skies, shaking the ground and causing the water to ripple. Before my very eyes I witnessed the ocean itself split into two.

It defied all logic, everything that I had known for my entire life had a wrench thrown into it as I watched the very sea part, opening up to expose ruined structures and pathways. At the end of it all was the glowing visage of a dragon.

I found myself swallowing a gasp. This was Dan Heng? The stoic lancer who offered to teach me self-defense? He had the power to literally split the ocean?

The group spoke, and I found myself unable to hear anything. My entire focus was concentrated on the sight before me. It was like uncovering a path to Atlantis, but, in this case, it was the Ambrosial Arbor.

I couldn’t wrap my mind around what exactly the Ambrosial Arbor was. The importance of it was unmistakable, but the true meaning of everything surrounding it eluded me.

But it put everything into perspective for me.

I was nothing but a speck in this entire scheme.

I was nobody.

I was just a single girl.

But even a single person could make a difference for the better.

The clown danced on the edge of my vision.

Hello, Zenith.

It whispered to me. Taunting me. My madness culminating into an object that only I could see.

Won’t you follow them?

It said to me. Its grin was impossibly wide, stretching far past its cheeks.

“Be quiet.”

I silenced the clown. I silenced my madness.

This was the result of me jumping head first into a new world. Was this the end of my sanity? Did I dive too far deep, and now I couldn’t come back?

Maybe everything was a dream.

Take to the stage. It’ll be fun!

The clown dancing at the edge of my vision whispered to me.

You won’t want to miss when THEY appear after all.

Fu Xuan didn't pace.

She was calm, stalwart. A bastion of security for all her soldiers. I watched as the Cloud Knights fidgeted in place, their anxiety rising as time started to drag on, only to steady when they took note of Fu Xuan's composure.

In that regard, she was wholly unlike the girl from my past. Bailey was sometime who people looked up to, people who wished that one day they could be like her; but she was not a role model.

Nobody looked to her for support. For she would look down from her ivory tower and admonish people for not practicing as much. Not taking things as serious as she did.

The girl from my past would pace in anxiety. She would be reduced to nothing but just another student among the masses in times of distress.

It wasn't fair to compare the two, truthfully. I was projecting a ghost of my past onto someone in my present. Not to mention that Fu Xuan likely had a few hundred years of experience as an advantage.

Wandering my own thoughts was one way to keep my own anxiety at bay. Like a dam against the pressure, I mirrored Fu Xuan’s composure and projected my own. I didn’t move. I didn’t twitch. If it weren’t for the rise and fall of my breathing I’d likely be mistaken as dead.

There was nothing I could do. I understood this, knew this, was explicitly told this fact. Yet I continued to mull over it. Phantylia was on another level than anything I had experienced, not that I had much experience in the first place. Cocolia was someone who had abused the power of a Stellaron, but such power was only borrowed.

Was she truly trying to kill us? Perhaps, but a Lord Ravager… an emanator… their entire existence was based around destruction.

Knowledge was what it came down to, really. I could work with the group against Cocolia as I had knowledge of what’s to come. But here and now, I was blind. With the Stellaron Hunters taking me for their own personal gain I lacked the information that one would normally have, even if I just researched things on my own.

My phone rang.

I knew who it would be. Only one person could call this phone.

“It’s me.” I said, accepting it.

“You’re not going?” Silver Wolf asked me.

I frowned. “Going where?”

“To watch the show, of course.”

It took me a few seconds to process what she meant. “No, of course not. I would just be a burden.”

“Well, sure. But you should still go and watch it.”

“...Are you saying this because you know something I don’t?” I probed.

“No.” I could practically hear Silver Wolf shake her head. “You know it too. Kafka told you.”

“K-” I paused before I said the Stellaron Hunter’s name. I was not in an area where I could do such a thing. “I was just told to get front row seats.”

“And you have a seat that isn’t even in the auditorium.” Silver Wolf pointed out. “The rest of us are watching from different spots.”

I took some time to think about everything. Why was Silver Wolf even calling me in the first place?

“Why are you telling me all this?” I asked her.

“Eh. You’re pretty shit at games but it's clear you have a foundation of knowledge you’re working on when it comes to them. It’d suck if I lost a gaming partner. I’m kind of lacking one after getting banned a few days ago.” Silver Wolf admitted.

“Are you… implying that if I don’t go… we’ll lose?” I whispered the last part.

“Nope. From what I know, it doesn’t matter at all if you go or not. You’re just an extra, after all.”

Then… something happens to ME?

“You’re not just saying all this for some weird game are you?”

“Damn, you have trust issues. Guess I can’t blame you after reading whatever the hell that was on your phone. No, I wouldn’t waste the effort. If you need an opportunity, I can make one for you. Think of it as payment for the games yesterday.”

“That was a wager though? I doubt I’ll just be let down if I ask nicely.”

“You yap too much. Do you want my help or not?”

“Will I be safe?”

“You’re an audience member this time, Zenith. Go watch the show. I promise you that you’ll be safe.”

A promise from a hacker with a multi-billion dollar bounty. Who was part of a bigger criminal group that had likely caused destruction and mayhem to further their own unknown goals.

But did that necessarily mean she would lie?

Would they go through the effort of kidnapping me, extending an invitation and an opportunity to chase my own goals, just to lie to me now and kill me off?

What, exactly, was so important down there?

I thought back to Zenith. At how she had taken hold of her powers and abused it. How she had scorned me, looked down on me and spited me.

If I could get one step closer to her, to regaining my life back. I would do it.

Even if I had to create my own path to trailblaze through.

“I’ll do it.”

“Nice. Just sit tight and slip out when the opportunity comes. You’ll know the signal.” Silver Wolf said, before disconnecting the call.

I stared down at my phone as I steeled myself to my decision. Whatever was about to happen was clearly important enough that everyone in the Stellaron Hunters was anticipating. To me, if I had to equate it to more familiar terms, it was just a boss fight. It was reductive in how important it was, but it made it easy for me to understand.

But to others, it was life and death.

I waited, bringing my gaze back to Fu Xuan, only to jump as I realized she was staring at me. Her gaze was sharp and brought an entirely new set of nerves.

“Y-Yes?” I stuttered out.

Our positions were far enough away that we weren’t necessarily face to face. She was stationed in front of the statue that Dan Heng used to manipulate the ocean, while I was off to the side leaning up against a stone wall.

Did she happen to overhear my conversation? I replayed my talk with Silver Wolf in my head, the only thing that could even be slightly incriminating was when I had to lower my voice.

“You’re very calm.” Fu Xuan pointed out, walking towards me. “Up until just now, at least.”

“...Thank you?” I said. I wasn’t quite sure what she wanted.

“I’m Master Diviner Fu Xuan.” The woman who I already knew introduced herself. “I’ve heard reports about what transpired to you. I’d like to extend a formal apology from the Xianzhou to you for the events of the Stellaron Hunters that happened on our territory.”

“Uh- I’m Zenith.” I stuttered. I had no idea how to respond to such a thing, so I decided to be honest. “I don’t really know how to respond to that. I’m not good with political things, but I’m not harmed, so please don’t make too big of a fuss about it.”

Fu Xuan nodded. “Your friends did their best to align the heavens with the earth in an attempt to divine your wellbeing while in the hands of treachery. Such efforts were ultimately inessential as the true nature was revealed by the perpetrator themselves.”

I blinked. The cogs in my mind turned.

“Oh. Kafka said that?”

“Indeed. You have good friends.”

“You’re… very good at poetry.”

Fu Xuan frowned. Did I say something strange?

“Thank you… I suppose. If you need anything, please say so. Although not my usual duty, I will give my best efforts to be courteous towards guests of the Xianzhou.” The Master Diviner told me. She didn’t seem to appreciate my compliment.

“Anything?” I raised my eyebrow.

“If you are attempting to desert our company to connect once again with your friends then I will have to stop you. You are not someone that should join in on such a fight.” Fu Xuan stated.

I locked my jaw shut. Did she divine such a thing to know that? “Is that a threat?” I asked guardedly.

“No.” Fu Xuan shook her head. “It’s advice. I do not wish misfortune upon anyone, and I cannot guarantee your safety if you were to go ahead.”

“If they lose, can you still guarantee it?” I asked, if only to play devil’s advocate. I don’t know what provoked me to prod unnecessarily, but I had already asked before I realized that such a thing was rude.

Fu Xuan was silent. “I hope that such an event does not come to pass. But I would seal the Arbor and evacuate you back to the Astral Express. Your safety as a guest is a priority.”

I pursed my lips. “I’m sorry for asking such a thing. I… didn’t think it through before I spoke.”

“I can understand your worries. I did not take offense.”

I was extremely hesitant to ask my next question, but she had already divined my intentions.

“...If I do slip out, would you hold it against the Express?”

“No. I do not know of your abilities, nor of your character. But from what I have gleaned in this conversation, you are a woman of conviction. Either you believe you have something to gain from joining the fight, or your care for your friends extends past your self-preservation.” Fu Xuan stated matter of factly. “However I beseech you to recognize what your crew might think if you, the woman who was kidnapped by Stellaron Hunters and was only just retrieved a few system hours ago, willingly throw yourself back into the action without any real way to handle it.”

I swallowed down a lump in my throat. I wanted to be helpful. I wanted to do something. I wanted to witness the battle with my own eyes. I wanted so many things.

That moment was when Silver Wolf’s gift decided to show itself.

It was literally a gift. A big box that dropped from the sky as reality itself glitched, catching the attention of absolutely everyone. It landed on the back end of the statue, away from the entrance to the Gorge.

Fu Xuan was instantly on alert, diverting her attention from me and immediately barking orders to the Cloud Knights to be careful and approach it slowly. I stayed where I was, inching myself towards the entrance without being overtly obvious.

Surely that wasn’t all, was it? A big giant gift wrapped box?

I waited where I was as the immediacy of alertness died down gradually and was replaced by caution. Fu Xuan ordered a reluctant Cloud Knight to open the box. They pulled on the big red ribbon slowly, while the rest of the platoon surrounded the box with their weapons at the ready.

When the tension of the ribbon finally gave way to slack, and the ribbon fell to the sides of the box, the top of the gift jumped up, before the sky was filled with what had to be hundreds of Cycranes.

They erupted from the box with a burst of momentum, propelling them into the air and filling the space with screeching of their metallic bodies. Flapping their artificial wings as they continued to rise, creating a tornado of cranes.

I only had a moment to be surprised before I took the opportunity and dashed down into the Scalegorge Waterscape.

Sorry, Fu Xuan. I doubted that I’d ever truly get a chance to know you, but I could tell that you were a good person.

However I refused to be held back by ghosts of my past.

The clown danced at the edge of my vision.

Hello, Zenith.

It whispered to me.

It's a bright red hat, a circus of colors that twisted and turned, flopped in front of its face as it let out a full belly laugh.

Bells chimed into my ear, ringing madness as I continued to descend.

Have fun, enjoy the show.

And don’t forget.

Make sure to laugh.

Scalegorge Waterscape both looked and smelled like the depths of the ocean. The salty sea breeze bombarded my senses as I continued down the path of ruined rubble. Almost immediately I was met with stairs that collapsed into nothingness, a thick root of the arbor was instead used as a makeshift platform, one that nearly caused me to stumble off the side and into certain death as the angle suddenly steepend.

I hated heights so much.

When I got onto solid ground once more, no stairs nor tree roots, I fell to my knees and took a deep breath.

That singular moment of being high up in the air, with no sort of guarding or anything, was perhaps the single most scariest five seconds of my life.

I hadn't even really come close to falling off but my god I HATED heights.

The path ahead of me was blocked off by rubble, closing off a direct route towards the base of the Arbor. On the right of me was a broken bridge that was traversable only due to the fact that parts of the arbor had bloomed into it, forming a path of underwater mushroom looking steps. On my left was a fully intact stone road that seemed to extend forward past what I could reasonably see.

There was a light fog that permeated through the area. It likely came from the fact that this entire Gorge was between two waterfalls held open by only whatever whimsical magic that the Xianzhou had access to. It blurred off most of what I could see past… fifty or so feet.

But most of all, I could still see remnants of things moving on the left-hand side. A mara-stricken soldier, likely formed or manipulated to be here by Phantylia’s access to the Arbor.

So onto the weird mushroom path it is. At least it was marginally shorter.

Stepping onto the right path was odd, the floor felt like soft wood after it had been soaked by heavy rainfall, and there were large stalagmites of coral jutting out from random points. It reminded me of cacti in a desert, the short, thin plants growing taller than they were wide.

On top of the oddities in terms of plant-life, there were also weird… orb, things that almost seemed to have glowing scales. Each of them were encased by large flower-like plants with the petals serving as a cushion for the sides. They were open at the top.

It almost reminded me of an egg… but that would be weird.

The path was much wider than I initially assumed from afar, I had almost no real chance of falling off if I just stuck to the middle unless there was some weird freak accident.

That being said, as soon as I stepped back onto solid stone and back onto the main path, I gasped in surprise as I saw something move overhead. It was a trail of fish that swam in mid-air. They were translucent and blue tinted, so I figured it was some type of echo left behind the Stellaron and the Arbor’s influence. It was just like when I saw Cocolia and Bronya’s echo back in Belobog.

Truthfully it was beautiful. I was hardly one to get sentimental or stay in one place too long outside of my designated spots where I could work in peace, but here? With the water falling by my sides, and echoes of fish swimming through the air?

Maybe, in another life, I would have taken the time to get lost in the sights and enjoy myself.

I pushed forward, taking note of the space anchor that was on the main pathway, looked directly ahead. I could see the great horns of the dragon in front of me. It glowed gold in the fog, illuminated by six great pillars that hosted green flames at the top of them.

And beneath the dragon, I saw faint glimpses of light. They came without pattern or rhyme, lighting up in the fog and revealing humanoid silhouettes behind it, as well as the shadow of something much, much bigger.

Heading straight forward was clearly where I needed to go, and so I started to walk once more. The path had a small section where the bridge’s support had collapsed, causing the stone to be angled downward onto yet another Arbor root.

I swallowed down my nerves and pushed forward, almost jogging as gravity pulled down on me and forced me a bit faster as I took step after step.

The path veered off to the right for a small detour before I was once again back on the center road, with nothing but a straight path ahead of me that led to the roots of the Arbor. At this distance, I no longer needed the frequent flashes of light caused by fighting to see the large silhouette of what I could only assume was Phantylia.

The shadow was humanoid, and could almost be as tall as a building.

“Hahaha!” A feminine voice echoed throughout the entire Gorge. “The universe will end in Destruction, and with it, The Abundance and The Hunt will disappear as well…”

I watched as one of the great shadowy hands raised itself into the air, carrying a large paddle-like shape grasped within its fingers. It swiped through the air once, dispelling the fog that surrounded the fight and revealing everything to me.

Phantylia took on the shape of a human female, so great was she in size that she seemed to dwarf the height of her opponents by a factor of ten. Her skin was tinted purple, with blue eyes that seemed to drip with malice despite their jewel-like beauty. She was adorned with accessory after accessory, emphasizing and amplifying her looks.

I saw now that the item within her hand wasn’t a paddle, but rather a fan.

My feet walked forward without my input. I almost felt like I was in a daze, but the only thing that went through my mind was that I needed to be closer. If something was going to happen, then I needed to be there to see it.

I descended down the stairs, finding myself finally on the same elevation as the rest of my crew. How deep had I descended into this Gorge?

Phantylia waved her fan once more, and I watched as flowers budded from nowhere on the battlefield. They sprouted, germinated and bloomed in a matter of seconds.

Not just with my friends, but also in front of me.

I stumbled back, falling backwards as the surprise got the better of me. The flowers in front of me were a different color than the ones that my friends had to deal with. Theirs were purple, tinted in the shade of lavender while the flowers before me were gray.

The flowers shook, their petals closed off to the world until they opened in one tight snap.

Two Antimatter Legion grunts fell from the two gray flowers in front of me. Their bodies fell to the ground in a lifeless heap, before they righted themselves almost like marionette dolls pulled by strings.

Their heads snapped towards me, and the blades attached to their arms gleamed with a dangerous golden glint.

Oh fuck.

I scrambled myself backwards and got back to my feet in a shaky mess. They took their time, stepping towards me one stride at a time, and I matched their pace. I didn’t want to set them off, I had no doubts these things could run faster than me.

But what could I do? I wasn't a fighter. I was literally useless in a fight.

Fuck.

Didn't Silver Wolf promise my safety? Was that just a lie? Were they really just trying to get rid of me this entire time? Was this an elaborate scheme to get rid of me and blame it on Phantylia?

No… Silver Wolf didn't seem like that type of person.

But what did I know about criminals?

Something glinted overhead.

The Antimatter Reavers pushed towards me in one leap. I dodged by throwing myself to the side, getting dangerously close to an edge, and quickly righting myself. Both my knees and arms hurt from such a maneuver.

I refused to die here. I didn’t give a shit about fate, or destiny, or whatever the hell people wanted to call it. I didn’t care about who I had to team up with, who I had to make happy, who I had to work together with. But I was not going to die TODAY!

One of the reavers dashed towards me, causing my heart to practically stop in its tracks. My body, on the other hand, moved before I could even process. I ducked under its armblade, and stumbled onto the stairs. The other one used that opportunity to to press the attack.

I practically jumped up several steps of the stairs as the blade sheathed itself into concrete, just barely missing my feet as I continued to ascend as fast I physically could. It swung at me with its other hand, but was ultimately stuck in place. That gave me a second to breathe before the first one regrouped and matched my pace.

It couldn’t have been more than a few seconds of combat, but I was already starting to feel winded.

Something primal awoke in me, that if I wanted to survive I likely would have to find a way to get rid of them. And as the Reaver took its last step up the stairs, I kicked it like one would a soccer ball, as hard as I could in the torso.

Pain lanced up my leg as the sudden realization that it was a lot tougher than it looked to be hit me. My other knee crumbled as my entire body flinched, and I fell onto my side for the third time in less than a minute.

My leg felt numb as adrenaline rushed into my body and flooded my senses, but I only had a moment to scramble myself away before it thrust another armblade at me. It barely nicked my thigh, but I could feel the slice carve away at my skin.

“FUCK!” I screamed, pushing myself up and doing my best to get away.

I was given a second of reprieve as I watched as the two Reaver’s reconnected with each other, likely going for a coordinated assault to end me.

My leg was busted and bleeding, my attacks did nothing. Was this the difference between a regular person like me and beings literally created to destroy? Simple foot soldiers created not even ten minutes ago.

Why did I come down here? Why why why why did they tell me to? WHY WAS I STUCK HERE?

I watched the two tense and begin their sprint towards me, they would cross the distance that I created in just a few moments, and do their best to end me.

Death would not come for me today.

My veins flooded with ice as I took a deep breath.

I snarled, my face contorting into an ugly sight, and I wrapped threads of my worst, most horrific memories around my hands. It came to me easily, like the worst parts of me were begging to be called upon. Maybe if I could just get my hands on these two reavers, I could influence what they felt.

They took one step towards me, then another. I tensed myself and focused everything I had on their weapons and-

A meteor crashed into the ground in front of me, exploding everything in a sea of flames. The Antimatter Reavers disintegrated into nothingness as a suit of armor tore into them in half a second.

Sam had appeared.

And I could not look away.

The clown danced along the flames. It smiled at me, as if it knew each and every thought that I had. As if it knew my life and beyond.

Goodbye, Zenith.

It said to me, but I could not hear it.

The clown then disappeared from my sight, no longer in the edge of my vision.

In the light of flames.

Time moved forward.

And I found myself.

Lost in their movements.

I watched as four more flowers bloomed and spawned in even more reavers. Each one was taken care of in mere seconds by the flaming suit of armor before me. One of them was punched in the stomach, a burst of light erupting from Sam’s hands before it evaporated them. Another was knocked over the head by the taller mechanical suit, before being pierced by a glowing green sword. The third was beheaded in the same movement and the last…

Sam took their hand and pierced it through the Reaver’s chest. Entering the cavity and pulling out a black organ that oozed. The mechanical suit crushed it in their hand.

“I’m sorry, Zenith.” Sam said to me, their mechanical tone removing any and all nuance from their voice.

Maybe if I was someone else, I would have found myself disgusted by such actions. The brutality would have had me retching and I wouldn’t have been able to watch.

But I found myself transfixed. I couldn’t look away. Each movement was graceful, beautiful. Not a single action was wasted. It looked like an ephemeral dance, where one kill flowed into another, like they were killing to the music in their own head.

“Sam.” I spoke, without even truly meaning to.

What could I say?

Why were you here?

Did you have to kill them like that?

Did Silver Wolf Send you?

Why did you apologize?

“Thank you.” I said instead.

For each and every time I had interacted with the mechanical person twice my height, I found myself irritated. Annoyed, or just another thing that made me wary. But this time…

I wasn’t sure what I felt. I just wanted to know more about them. Where did they learn such things? Why did they act so familiar at the start of our interactions? Who… were they beyond the suit? Was there really someone behind it?

My legs gave out as my adrenaline started to fade. I panted heavily on my knees, my entire vision swam as I struggled to get myself under control. Had I ever truly been in such a situation before in my entire life? Even with Cocolia I was able to keep myself calm, but here…

“You’re bleeding.” Sam said simply.

I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up. Maybe there wasn’t someone in that suit. They repeated the same things in exactly the same way.

“Yeah. I am.” I chuckled. “Can you help me up?”

Sam took a single step towards me, only to duck as a beam of light shot over their head. A woman with beautiful locks of red hair stepped onto the scene, her usually warm hazel eyes were set in a determined glare and in her hand was a robotic mechanism.

It took my brain a few beats to even realize what exactly it was that I was seeing. That one of the people I least expected had shown up before my very eyes.

Not just once, with Sam. But twice, with Himeko.

“Step away from my crew member. Molten Knight.” Himeko said in the most vicious tone I had ever heard from her.

The gravity of the situation caused me to pale. Had Himeko seen anything? Did she see me ask for help? What about if she saw Sam save me? Wait- How was she here? Who was watching the Express? What-

“Save your thinking for later, Zenith.” Himeko chided me, as if she could read my mind. “You’re safe. Can you walk?”

“Himeko. Navigator of the Express.” Sam stated. Their armor flared once with flames.

My legs felt paralyzed, and no matter how much I tried to move, I found myself stunned into silence at the situation.

In the background, I recognized the fighting still going on against Phantylia.

“I… can’t.” I admitted out loud.

Even if I was gradually getting feeling back in my left leg the other was still numb. I wondered if I broke anything, as it felt like I had kicked a bricked wall. Not to mention the not so tiny slice that they carved out of my thigh.

Fuck, maybe it was a good thing I couldn’t feel it.

Neither of them acknowledged me outwardly, but Himeko started to take steps towards me. She still had the mechanism in her arms that looked suspiciously like a cannon aimed at Sam.

Sam watched Himeko, it was different from when they watched me. I wasn’t sure how I could tell, but there was a very clear tension between the two. As if any sudden movement could cause both of them to break out in a fight.

“Don’t fight.” I pleaded.

Neither of them acknowledged me, but Himeko spoke up when she reached me. She wrapped and arm around me, and pulled me up easily. I was surprised at how physically strong she was.

“What is your intention with the Express?” Himeko spoke to Sam.

“...I simply saw someone in danger and decided to step in.” Sam replied.

Himeko was silent for a few moments, as if trying to gauge the truth by analyzing their voice. A difficult endeavor, if the mechanized tone was anything to go by.

“...Thank you, then. However, I would be foolish to trust a Stellaron Hunter. If your business is done, then leave us so I can help Zenith.”

Sam shook their head. “Unfortunately the show has yet to conclude.”

The two paused their conversations as six more flowers bloomed in our surroundings. Antimatter reavers stepped out and were subsequently decimated in seconds by both Himeko and Sam. Himeko’s mechanism on her arm transformed into a saw that shred through three of them in seconds, while Sam continued their usual brutality and crushed the enemies immediately.

It was a sight to behold, to see the two of them react on the flip of a switch and get rid of the sudden enemies in a flash and then go back to their standoff.

“And what, exactly, are the Stellaron Hunters hoping will happen?” Himeko continued her questioning.

I detached myself from the conversation as I realized the clown had come back. It danced on the edge of my vision and laughed.

“They said… that THEY will appear.” I muttered to Himeko.

Himeko paled, as if she had somehow deciphered what I meant in an instant despite the fact that I still had yet to recognize what such a hint was.

“Which one?” Himeko asked me, before seemingly recognizing that I didn’t have an answer. “Which one will appear, Molten Knight?!”

It twirled and danced, laughing at the edge before walking to my center vision.

Himeko faltered from beside me. Sam didn’t answer just yet.

The clown smiled at the center of my vision.

“...Wait.” Something occurred to me. I spoke up. “Can either of you… see it as well?”

Both of them snapped their face towards me, and then a great laugh permeated throughout the gorge.

“Hahahahahahaha!”

The clown disappeared from my vision. A laugh echoed across the land. It was the very same laugh that I had been hearing this entire time. From the very same clown.

Bells chimed and laughter continued.

“You!” The three of us heard Phantylia bellow. “You wretched clown! Does the Elation find me so entertaining? Come down and I will rip you to shreds!”

“The Elation?!” Himeko hissed. “Are you Stellaron Hunters insane?! Depending on what they find entertaining they could blow up the entire Xianzhou!”

“Not them.” Sam replied. “They’re just here to provoke Phantylia. They won’t do anything else.”

“You’re confident. Do you trust Destiny’s Slave so much that you believe they can predict the whims of an Aeon?”

“To predict the Elation would be to predict the natural chaos of the universe as a whole. But no, the Elation is only observing, just as we are.”

The Elation… that was… Aha. The Aeon that did anything and everything so long as it found it entertaining. The Aeon that believed in and embodied laughter.

So that… was the clown dancing at the edge of my vision this entire time?

“...Then who?” Himeko said.

“Heh! If you want to watch, clown. Then be my guest. Watch as I crush these heroes before your very eyes.” Phantylia’s voice permeated through the Gorge.

The three of us watched Phantylia fight off against our friends.

I watched as everything in the world seemed to coalesce into one point, as if I was sucked into some cosmic void that thrust my consciousness into the universe itself. I watched as Phantylia, larger than a planet, crushed it with just her hand.

I gasped as my consciousness was thrust back into myself. Whatever that was, was clearly an attack from the Emanator. If I had felt like that just from observing, I could only hope that my friends were still alive.

“Phantylia is still playing around.” Sam stated. “That will be her downfall.”

Himeko stayed silent, her eyes focused on the Crew. I could tell she was worried.

The three of us continued to watch the fight unfold. How the crew regrouped after such an attack, how they fought back and defeated any sort of flowers that bloomed upon their battlefield.

There was a moment when Phantylia picked up Jing Yuan. Himeko nearly started to move, but was stopped by Sam.

I wasn’t sure what Himeko was going to do, or if she was going to try some sort of orbital strike like she had done back with Cocolia, or even why she stopped and trusted Sam. But as it was, Himeko stood down.

Dan Heng, in all his new draconic visage, launched an attack straight at Jing Yuan. I didn’t understand the dynamic behind it at all, but it seemed to do great damage to Phantylia.

In fact, that almost seemed to be the end of the fight. Phantylia slumped over to the ground, and it didn’t seem like she was getting back up. Himeko had untensed, and even seemed to be relieved.

But…

Why was Sam’s still tense?

And then I felt the gaze of Destruction upon me.

And I coughed out blood as my heart stopped.

“This is your punishment.” Messenger said, placing their hands on me. “You manipulated the memories of someone who had been brought back from beyond death.”

I fell to the ground as all my strength left me. My chest ached and every breath felt like agony.

THEIR gaze felt as if everything had spontaneously combusted inside of me. As if my very being had disintegrated from a molecular level and left me as nothing but the shape of a human.

“It agitates your every injury. Your body goes into overdrive as it attempts to heal, only to destroy itself by attacking its own cells. It’s like cancer.” The Memokeeper continued.

Himeko had long since recovered from the surprise and was doing her best to keep me stable. She had shoved some sort of medicine inside my mouth as I did my best to keep conscious.

“It roughly translates to Aeonic hypersensitivity in your language. You won’t have reactions like this with every Aeon. Just the malevolent ones.”

“Why…” I croaked.

“Shh… Don’t talk. Nanook’s gaze affects everyone differently, but never have I seen such a violent reaction.” Himeko whispered to me.

“Why am I here? To let you know that you will live. This isn’t your end. You need to know that this is not a punishment any one person, entity or Aeon doled out. This is a result of mixing your memetic material with someone who’s ‘strings’ have been contaminated by death. If you were a memokeeper, you would no longer exist.” Messenger explained.

But… then how did she interact with Stelle?

“I and any other memokeeper that has and will come into contact with the Stellaron host will never dive past a certain point. It’s poison. While I’m not sure if that Stellaron Hunter was sure of the repercussions, I would not put it past Destiny’s Slave to have foreseen this.”

I was… set up?

“That is not something I have the answer to. Be ready, Zenith. Phantylia has gotten her second wind.”

“It will not last long.” Sam said, almost as if they could hear the Memokeeper beside me.

With Nanook’s gaze, came a growth of power in Phantylia. She seemed bigger, stronger, and it was as if all of the Crew’s previous efforts were for naught.

“Hahaha…. HAHAHAHAH! Now I understand why you are here, clown. This truly is an entertaining fight! I have withstood your gaze, Nanook. I understand your wishes. I shall eliminate these pests here and now!” Phantylia roared.

“Ahahaha!” The Elation laughed.

Her skin was a bright gold and had tattoo-like lines across her body that literally glowed. She waved her fan and hundreds, if not thousands of flowers spawned on the battlefield. Each of them were different. Some spawned the Antimatter Legion. Others spawned Mara-struck soldiers. I couldn’t even tell every single creature that emerged, but it was a miniature army that was before me.

And the only thing that stood between her and us was my friends and one bridge.

Himeko clenched her teeth and shot out an arm. A beam descended from space and did its best to chip away at the army, but it was ultimately futile as only more monsters took their place.

A great being of crystal shimmered into existence. It reflected a bright spectrum of colors off its humanoid body.

I felt every single memory in my life pass me by in one singular moment. As if I had relieved my life once more, from the start until now. Even moments that I had forgotten flourished into existence, as if revived by the presence of THEM.

I knew who they were. How could I not?

My powers were from them.

Fuli, The Remembrance.

And their gaze was firmly planted on Phantylia.

Everyone was stunned. The emergence of an honest to god Aeon had paralyzed everyone into silence. Even Phantylia had ceased her boasting. It was as if everyone’s minds had connected into one the moment they appeared, and awe was the only thing we could feel.

“They really appeared…” Sam said, surprise evident in their voice despite the filter.

“You… knew Fuli would appear?” Himeko muttered, her eyes were wide, as if she couldn’t believe her own vision.

“It was just a possibility…” Sam shared, perhaps more than they wanted to. “But they’re here to witness the death of an Emanator.”

To witness the death… of Phantylia?

“Even The Remembrance is here to witness my victory! Hahaha! Truly I am blessed! Now, etch this moment into the cosmos Fuli, as I extinguish the Astral Express and collapse the Xianzhou! Watch, as I become a GOD-”

Phantylia cut off as her face twisted suddenly.

Two things happened at once.

Firstly, the presence of yet another Aeon made itself apparent. For a single second I felt my eyesight sharpen and my focus deepen. What before was too much to see, felt as if I had put on a pair of the world’s strongest binoculars. I could see the individual strands of March’s pink hair, or the tensing of Stelle’s muscles, how she seemed alarmed and reacted within a fraction of a second.

Secondly, Stelle immediately did something with the Lance of Preservation. She jumped into the air, twisted the lance and projected a great shield of petals in front of her. Seven layers of defense appeared as tall and wide as the Gorge itself.

“You dare interfere?! Nanook will not forget this Lan-” Phantylia raged, only to be cut off as a great arrow descended upon her with a speed faster than sound.

It was like a great big bomb had gone off. The ground itself shook and a great gust of wind swept through the place, causing my black hair to be blown back as if I was in the way of a gigantic fan. Debris rocketed into the sky, past the waterfalls and causing everything to be clouded in rubble.

I heard the distinct sound of three different layers of glass shattering, but even that was drowned out by how loud the vicious winds were. I coughed violently, rendering myself dizzy yet again. Himeko was coughing alongside me, and Sam had a mechanical arm in front of their face.

“Four Aeons… I will not forget such an event.” I heard Sam mutter to themselves.

It was difficult to even keep my eyes open with how much debris clouded the area. Anytime I kept them open for longer than a few seconds I found them irritated and watering.

“What monstrous strength.” Himeko coughed. “Zenith, Are you alright?”

“Yes.” I wheezed out.

The dust eventually settled and I could open my eyes once more. It was just in time to see four pink petal-like shields disappear from the gorge.

I couldn't see Fuli anymore either, so they must have disappeared after the explosion. Something about them… caused some things to click in place. But I didn't have much of a chance to think about that as my gaze finally fell to Phantylia.

Or what remained of them.

There was a cavernous hole in her chest, right where a heart would be if she were human. Golden ichor oozed out from the wound, thick like tar.

“Lan’s arrow… But only a tiny fraction of its true power..” Himeko thought out loud.

Lan. The name slot into place alongside its domain. The Hunt. An Aeon fired an arrow into our battle? THAT was considered powered down? It struck a hole straight through an emanator, even when Nanook gave her a second wind.

The mere scale of what I just witnessed boggled my mind. I couldn’t even find an equivalent from back home. A nuclear bomb? But it was in no way similar to what I imagined was possible if Lan had fired anything even remotely more powerful.

Could they cleave an entire planet in half with their arrow? What… what else was possible?

I felt sick just thinking about the possibilities.

“This battle is over. I shall be taking my leave.” Sam spoke, their mechanical tone penetrating the gap in conversation. It attracted both Himeko and I’s attention.

Bright wings of flame extended from their back and they soared off into the sky. It reminded me exactly of how they departed when I was in the Stellaron Hunter’s secret base. Their visage glinted throughout the air, smaller and smaller until they became a second sun, and eventually they disappeared altogether.

“We…” I faltered, not quite sure what to say. “We should check out the Crew and make sure they’re alright.”

Himeko nodded, and the mechanism she had on her shifted gears and turned into a briefcase. She wrapped an arm around me and practically pulled me up in one hand. Together, with Himeko’s help, I limped down the stairs and towards the bridge, reconnecting with the rest of the Astral Express.

We got there in time to see Phantylia’s body fade into nothing, leaving behind a glowing orb that Jing Yuan stabbed with his weapon, before it too faded.

I recalled vaguely how everyone explained that Phantylia was a… Heliobus…? A spirit that could possess people and bodies. My understanding of spirits, from home at least, was that they were immaterial and as such couldn’t be harmed by physical weapons or the like.

But Jing Yuan had gotten rid of it just like that. Whether or not it was because he or his weapon was special, or something about my understanding of spirits didn’t line up with this world, ultimately didn’t matter. I could tell that Phantylia’s presence had disappeared for good.

I thought back to everything that I had been through. At how nothing I did mattered, and everything solved itself with or without my involvement. I thought back to what the Stellaron Hunters said, what they promised, and how they were right.

Seeing everything, having front row seats, understanding and recognizing the vastness of the universe that I now lived in. It had changed my perspective yet again.

I thought about the three suns that I knew.

About Stelle, her mysterious past and powers that she pulled out from nowhere. At how she was so deeply connected with everyone she met. The Stellaron hosted inside of her, how everything seemed to revolve in one way or another around her.

About Himeko, the navigator of the Astral Express. The woman with hair the color of a blazing fire. Her kindness, willingness to go out of her way to make people feel accepted. How she always seemed to pick things up three steps before anyone else. How she willingly came down to help me.

About Sam, the person I knew the least about. How they kidnapped me, let things slip, almost seemed… awkward in their interactions. How we got off to a terrible start, only for them to come in at the most unexpected time and turn my opinion of them on its head. I still didn’t like them, but I couldn’t ignore their contribution to my survival.

I let out a deep breath.

But I could think about such things later. For now, it was time to rest.

That was how the hectic journey of me on the Xianzhou came to a close.

I just hoped that our next destination was a smooth one.

Chapter Text

Love and hate were two sides of the same coin. Two polar opposite emotions yet so intertwined that it would be impossible to feel one without also feeling another. To me, I could not hate someone that I had not loved. I could not love someone without also having the capacity to hate them.

I did not hate people. In fact, for the average person that I met and had any sort of relationship with, I just didn’t feel much about them. Whether that relationship be acquaintances, friends, strangers, or anything outside and in between. If I did not feel deeply connected to them on a personal level I just did not feel any strong emotions towards them.

To say that I loved my friends would be incorrect. I could go hours, days, weeks, months or even years without talking to them. Yet when we finally reunited I would be able to jump back into it like nothing had ever happened.

But when I loved someone? I needed them. I craved their attention, like an addict going through withdrawal. Their emotions became my emotions and their frustrations clashed with mine. It wasn’t enough that they just agreed with me on things, or they tolerated me. They needed to understand me. To acknowledge me. To show me that I wasn’t just some random face in their life and that I had a deep, impactful, meaningful place in their hearts. To know that I existed as a person in someone else’s life.

It was flawed reasoning and an even more toxic outlook. Yes, I knew that. But I can’t help my emotions. I can try to understand them using logic, but that only goes so far. I was aware that others didn’t feel things the same way that I did. Whereas my emotions were very black and white, other’s had a gradient of all shades.

But so what? What did I care about how others felt? I couldn’t control that. The only thing that I could control was myself.

That’s why I didn’t believe I was capable of love. Not in the capacity that most people wanted. Not in the capacity that I was worthy of it myself.

That's why I love to write. You can look away from the words on the page, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t written. My emotions, my thoughts, my feelings, my love. Bared to the world so that someone would finally be able to see me, in all my flawed glory, for who I was.

Chapter 18. Coming In From The Cold.

Funerals were something of an oddity for me. I had been to a few of them, but never cried except for my grandfather’s one. Even then, tears didn’t stream down my face, I didn’t sob, or hiccup, or do anything that I found myself surrounded by. Instead, when I was reading a poem, one of Papa’s favorites, my breath hitched exactly once.

I can’t even remember the event clearly despite it only being five years ago. I went up with my cousins, spoke, sat back down. We watched as they lowered his casket into the ground and the rest of the day was a blank.

So when everyone held a funeral for Tingyun, a woman who I only knew tangentially from the game, I felt… not quite grounded.

I was in a black suit, not a dress like March had suggested. The rest of the Astral Express was in what they usually wore. I wasn’t quite sure what the culture was intergalactically for funerals, but I do know that everyone mourns differently. I also knew that just because I was dressed in my own way of understanding for the occasion, didn’t mean that the Astral Express or the others weren’t.

I also doubted that the Xianzhou truly cared what outsiders did so long as they didn’t cause a ruckus. Or maybe I was projecting my own temperament onto strangers.

The process of a funeral for the Xianzhou natives, to what I understood, was that they sent out a Starskiff with some of the deceased’s belongings out to the galaxy. I believe it was a process that was limited to distinguished individuals or those in the military junction of the Luofu, but I wasn’t certain. As it was, it was a method for them to ferry the souls of the deceased to continue traveling throughout the galaxy. A never-ending journey of some sort.

Welt, Stelle, and March all had something small to say about Tingyun during the funeral. Neither I, Himeko or Dan Heng, said anything. It was difficult for me at least, to speak up about someone who I truly never knew. I wasn’t sure about Himeko or Dan Heng.

We turned to move back to the front of the Sky-Faring Commission, at the Palace of Astrum. It didn’t take us long to get there, and when we arrived there was already a large group of people watching the ceremony in action.

I flexed my digits in my white gloves as we stared into the sky. A countless number of Starskiffs filled the open air, slowly moving off the Xianzhou and journeying into the unknown. It reminded me a lot of the ceremony to release lanterns into the sky. Seeing them slowly rise until they became stars.

The similarities had an odd sense of nostalgia rising within me. I wasn’t Chinese, so I rarely participated in such a festival, not to mention it was illegal to actually release them into the sky in California; but it had me feeling a little homesick. Maybe once I got home, I would go to some Japanese festival and celebrate my own heritage. Even if I was only half, I was still brought up in a traditional asian household.

I hadn’t participated in a water lantern festival in a long while. Sentimentality never suited me, but now I was feeling it more than ever.

Starskiffs continued to soar across the sky, one by one until eventually the last ship had departed. Most of the people had scattered to continue on with their day afterwards, some stuck around to mourn. The Astral Express reconvened with Jing Yuan and set off to the general’s office.

“Are you coming, Zenith?” March asked me, when I didn’t move from my spot.

“Ah…” I rubbed the back of my neck with my gloved hand. It was still a little sore. “I’m going to stick around for a bit. I never really got a chance to see what the Xianzhou was like.”

Stelle gave me a concerned look, but I ignored it. Welt, and Jing Yuan for that matter, gave me a look as if they had seen through me. Like they knew I wanted to avoid the boring politics between the two factions. Dan Heng, seemed almost lost in thought.

Which, yes that was entirely true, but I also just wanted some time to myself. I had plenty of time to myself when I was kidnapped, but it’s not exactly relaxing when under the unknown threat of intergalactic criminals.

Himeko and Dan Heng parted ways with the rest of us, going back to the Astral Express and doing whatever it is they do, while the other three members moved along with Jing Yuan. That left me all in my lonesome, or as alone as I could be in a populated plaza out in the open, to watch the very last ships disappear from existence.

At least, I thought it was my lonesome. Yukong, the Helm Master of the Xianzhou (at least I think that was her title), strided up next to me. She didn’t turn to acknowledge me, merely choosing to continue gazing up at the floating Starskiffs.

I turned myself back to the ships, noticing that they had vanished beyond the horizon of what I could see. The morning’s light devoured the subtle glow that the Starskiffs had. I wondered if such a ceremony took place during the night, I would be able to see the Starskiffs become miniscule stars in the sky.

“It’s always melancholic to see such a beautiful sight.” Yukong said from beside me, starting up a conversation.

I took a second before responding, fidgeting with my gloves as I did so. “...It reminds me of a festival from back home.”

Yukong turned her gaze away from the horizon and onto me. Her steady, stern gaze made me falter for a second, before I realized that it was just a shallow, almost unconscious look that she had adopted to hide the fact that she was clearly grieving.

“Is that so? What type of festivals did you have?” Yukong asked me.

“There were… two types I suppose. They are ethnically different but rather similar in nature.” I stuttered a bit as I tried to remember the origins. Were they actually ethnically different if they had very similar origins? I… should probably do a deep dive into my heritage once I got back. “Well there’s a sky lantern festival, and a water lantern festival.”

Yukong nodded, letting me know that she was paying attention. I rummaged around in my thoughts before continuing.

“The sky lantern festival is a primarily Chinese festival… I’m not too sure about the reason behind it, I guess. But it’s a festival where people make paper lanterns and float them into the sky. ”

“I can see the similarities.”

“The water lantern festival’s purpose… at least for Japanese people such as me, is to help ferry souls for peaceful passage to the afterlife. We would make lanterns and float them down a river. It’s… very close to the purpose of this ceremony.”

Yukong smiled at that. It was a small, bittersweet one. “Even across the stars people mourn in similar manners.”

“Yeah. I was a little surprised as well.”

“Is your choice in dress also a part of such culture?”

I tugged on my black suit a little bit. “I… Yes. It is. I’m not quite certain of the origins of it though. I believe it’s a caucasian thing? I’m half caucasian and half-Japanese. Black symbolizes mourning and generally people dress up in formal-wear during funerals. Though I guess women don’t generally wear suits. I just felt more comfortable in one and- ” I rambled on, as if that explained the entire nuance of Earth’s culture and the odd cultural line that I toed by virtue of being mixed.

As I attempted to bumble my way into explaining it, I realized that doing so completely blew my cover of being from Belobog. I had no real idea of how Belobog handled their mourning and if anyone asked a person from said planet, they’d probably realize very quickly that what I said and what their expectations were did not line up at all.

Oh well. It was just Yukong. I wasn’t going to lie to a grieving woman.

I very much preferred not to lie in general. Keeping things out by omission was where I toed the line.

“Your home sounds very diverse. To hear about such differing cultures existing in peace… is nice.”

Peace… was a relative term, I realized then. To me, peace would be an Earth where I didn’t have to worry about bigotry because of my mixed status, or my gender or sexuality. People, especially the older generation, would get on my case because I wasn’t fully Asian. Or perhaps because I was Japanese in particular. And I hardly needed to comment about the gender or sexuality part.

But for Yukong, peace was a term that describes a world where she didn’t have to fear that one day her long lived friends would die because of an attack from an opposing faction.

“Yeah.” I said. “Home is… nice.”

Our conversation ended there.

I missed my home.

By virtue of once again having access to the Astral Express, I was able to retrieve my phone. It had been a day after the funeral, and three days after Phantylia’s defeat. We were still parked at the Xianzhou, though that would likely be changing soon.

It was nice being able to relax, and it had taken me all of the three days between watching an Emanator die to actually feel like I wasn’t a part of the living dead. That one singular day where I had been kidnapped was enough to keep me drained until now.

Relaxing and being relaxed were two different things, however. I was never able to fully settle into a relaxed state because I had one worry fluttering about in the back of my mind the entire time.

That worry was, of course, the Stellaron Hunters.

Considering this was undoubtedly the ‘End of my journey’ on the Xianzhou, I knew it was only a matter of time before I was contacted by the Stellaron Hunters.

If I thought back to everything that had happened, they hadn’t lied to me a single time. Kafka had stated that I would witness something that would cause me to have my answer with no hesitation, and she was correct. To see Fuli before my very own eyes, reliving my entire life in less than the span of a second…

I knew what I had to do.

It wasn’t like I had suddenly gained an eidetic memory or anything, or that I had really changed as a person. But rather it reaffirmed my drive and desire to get back. Even if my dad could barely remember me on good days, at the very least I needed to help him. My mom couldn’t do such things alone.

If there was one thing I knew about Zenith, it was that she hated being chained down in the Underworld. So for her to take my spot and then be chained down by my own parents? I didn’t trust her to just bail.

I spent most of my time in the archive, looking through everything I could find regarding the Stellaron Hunters and the general intergalactic space culture. The last time I had studied so hard was in college.

I learned about the IPC and their overwhelming grip on the majority of observable worlds. About each individual Aeon and what it meant to be a follower. I also learned a lot more about paths than I had previously.

Learning more about paths led me to wonder about the specifics of why I was a Remembrance path strider. I had a guess, and I was pretty sure it was due to the emphasis my life had on memories as a whole. Did I, as an entity in this grand universe, count as a different person than Zenith? Or was I my own unique person?

People could change paths, it wasn’t a common thing, but it wasn’t undocumented either. Zenith was a pathstrider of Remembrance and so was I. Prior to my studying I assumed that the reason such a thing didn’t change was because we were counted as the same person. I’m much more inclined to believe now, however, that our beliefs and ideals were too similar that it just happened to line up.

We were the same person, after all. Even if our lives were vastly different.

My studying was interrupted by a text from Bronya. I got two of them from her, one in a group chat with Stelle, Dan Heng, March and I, and one just to myself. I opened up the group chat first, and found that it was an invitation to come back to Belobog for a sort of festival. An opening of a Museum, I believe.

Stelle and March were quick to respond, so I let them do most of the talking, and opened up the solo text sent to me. Bronya had told me that she found a bit more about ‘Record-Keepers’ that I might want to know about. There was a not so insignificant portion of the text dedicated to how she would love to see me in person to discuss such things.

Yeah, Bronya, between the two texts I think I got the hint.

After a very brief meeting with the rest of the crew that really just was used as a confirmation that we would be visiting Belobog once more, I headed back to my room. Almost immediately as I closed the door behind me did I get a tell-tale buzzing that signified a phone call.

It wouldn’t have really been anything noteworthy, except for the fact that it was from the same phone that the Stellaron Hunters used to contact me before. I had taken to keeping it on hand, though I had never made it apparent to the rest of the crew, ever since the Xianzhou incident.

“It’s me.” I picked it up and said.

“Well now.” Kafka spoke into the phone. Her voice was a smooth velvet rumble. “Have you given any thought to our proposition?”

I took a deep breath. “Yeah. I have. I’m in, if you’ll have me.”

She spoke in words so reminiscent that I had to believe it was intentional.

“Then, let me be the first one to say it. It’s not exactly fair since the others aren’t on call but…” I could feel Kafka smile through the phone. “Welcome aboard the Stellaron Hunters.”

Chapter Text

If there’s one thing that I never really had a chance to talk about it was just how supernaturally beautiful everyone was in this universe.

I mean, come on. Why the hell did everyone have absolutely perfect proportions? It’s not like I try to ogle people but sometimes I couldn’t help my wandering eyes. Was it because everyone was fit from fighting for their lives all the time? Maybe it was because being attuned to an aeon literally causes certain parts of you to be less human than normal. Or maybe they were just built differently.

I’d never really consider myself bad looking, in fact, I have a bit of an ego at the fact that I WAS good looking. My face was nice, winning the better half of the genetic lottery where I got the good sides of both my half-japanese, half-white ethnicity. I was slim, had nice brown eyes and just tiny past shoulder length black hair that was silky smooth.

My hair was perhaps my favorite trait of myself. I was very meticulous about taking care of it.

But compared to everyone else I had met, my mind constantly cycled through a mixture of “I want to be her” and “I want to be with her”. Sometimes at the same time.

Most of the time however, I just wanted a pretty girl to let me lay in her lap as she ran her fingers through my hair.

Wow. That sounded a lot more pathetic than I intended. I can't believe I'm twenty-five and still saying this stuff.

Chapter 19. Red Wine supernova.

If there was one thing that I wanted to figure out before I returned back home. It was how to replicate the bathroom technology.

That sounded extremely nerdy to say, but I had no real words to describe just how blissful both the showers and the baths were on the Astral Express. I didn't even normally like baths, I was a diehard shower only type of girl.

For one, baths were just so difficult to get right unless one sank (heh) an inordinate amount of extra cash into making sure the bath was good. That meant having a way to ensure that it was even temperature-wise, didn't take a bajillion years to fill, and was comfortable to relax in.

Secondly… I was kind of a germaphobe. In a weird way. Whenever I touch something that my mind deems ‘unclean’, that part of my body just feels like it has been contaminated and it feels impossible to use it for anything else until I've washed it. It's not exactly debilitating as for some reason I can basically forget about it If I'm out of the house, but the second I get back I need to scrub myself clean.

So doing what is essentially bathing in your own gunk from the entire day? Yeah, not my style.

This, of course, could be circumvented by a Japanese style bathroom which my grandparents have, where there's a shower area as well as a bath area, but that just loops around to the first part of it costing extra.

Thirdly, my skin was sensitive. I had to put on sunscreen for PE class during middle and high school or I would burn. The class only lasted an hour. If a bath was too hot and I submerged myself in it I'd be in for a heat rash.

That being said.

“Oooooooohhhhhhh…………….” I moaned in pleasure as I sunk deeper into the tub.

Such a voice was usually reserved for my partner, but in the confines of my own bathroom I could certainly make an exception.

The Astral Express had everything I could ever want in terms of self care.

My mouth submerged into the water and I exhaled a deep sigh. Bubbles formed in front of my eyes as my breath hit the surface.

I wasn't exactly regretting my decision to collaborate with the Stellaron Hunters, but I was worried about what it meant. From what I understood it was less actually ‘joining’ them and more contract work, to put it into something more relatable.

If they ever needed something that had to do with memories, they'd call on me. In return they'd help me navigate a way home. Kafka mentioned something about an ‘Imaginary Tree’ but not much else.

Right. Even if I made some progress, it wasn’t anything tangible. I was still stuck in a universe that probably wouldn’t hesitate to kill me the second I dropped my guard.

I mean, I could probably live out my life completely safe on some nice planet that the Astral Express dropped me off on, but that felt like admitting defeat.

Closing my eyes, I sank as deep as I could into the bath, submerging even my head as I just focused on enjoying myself.

Whatever. Didn’t matter. I had a meeting with Bronya and Seele in a few hours. The least I could do was pretty myself up.

…What the hell did Kafka mean by ‘Have fun in Belobog’?

While Stelle, March and Dan Heng all stayed behind for a bit, I had made my way to Belobog’s surface a bit earlier than the rest of them. I wasn’t exactly sure what they were waiting for, but my guess was that Stelle and March wanted to try to convince everyone to join in on the festivities.

They gave me some leeway and let me go early since Belobog technically was my homeworld.

I had decided on a dress for the festivities, nothing extravagant, but one that was rather frilly in comparison to what I normally wore. Of course, having to pair it with thermal tights and combat boots sort of made it feel obsolete.

It’s not that I didn’t have options for dress shoes, Himeko had an entire arsenal of those, it was just that Belobog wasn’t exactly friendly towards heels and I liked my ankles unbroken. I had no idea how March, or Stelle for that matter, wore heels everywhere they went.

Himeko though? I didn’t quite know how to explain it, but it felt as if she weren’t wearing heels, then something was wrong.

My decision to wear boots was ultimately a good one, because for some tragic reason the only space anchor that I could visit in Belobog was the one outside of the city. This meant that I was appearing in the remnants of a snowstorm.

The only saving grace was that it was more permafrost than actual snow, which meant that the ground was more solid than not, but it was still an annoyance. I was already half regretting not just wearing my normal clothes and bringing my dress to change into once I was already there.

When I finally got to the entrance of Belobog, I found myself a little surprised at how little had changed. It made sense, really, as only a few weeks had passed since I had departed, but the entire Luofu debacle felt much longer than the two days that it took.

What surprised me even more was the fact that there were two guards who recognized me and immediately started to escort me to Qlipoth Fort.

“We’re glad you could make it, Lady Zenith! The Supreme Guardian is expecting you and asked us to escort you when you arrived.” One of them informed me.

Hearing myself be called ‘lady’ was a shock, but I was probably just being self conscious. People usually didn’t refer to others as ‘Sir’ or ‘Lady’ unless they were nobility. Or maybe I read too many villainess stories back when I was on Earth.

Maybe it was just something they did here?

Wait. I don’t recall anyone saying something like ‘Lady Pela’ or ‘Lady Seele’... Did Bronya promote me to nobility? Can she even do that? Were there even nobles in Belobog?

I pondered that train of thought all the while until I arrived at Qlipoth’s fort.

“Thank you for… escorting me, you two. I'll be good from here.” I told them.

They saluted me and made to move back to their post. I didn't bother to watch them go, as I instead pushed my way inside the building and made my way to the Supreme Guardian.

As I had the pleasure of finding out a few weeks ago after the entire Stellaron debacle; Qlipoth Fort had two different areas where a Supreme Guardian would usually reside. One was the reception room, the big great area with plenty of windows, books, and that wide desk. The other was the personal office.

The reception room was for, well, reception. Chances are when any official work needed to be done they would do it there, while any personal work would be in their own office. It was definitely a preference thing, as I expected some Supreme Guardians did all their work in the reception room, while some made gratuitous use out of both spaces allocated to them.

When Bronya wasn’t there in the reception room, I figured she had to be in her personal office.

I maneuvered through the halls, waving to some of the officers who apparently recognized me, until I came upon Bronya’s office.

The door was already slightly open, though there was a muted, odd sound coming from inside. I tried to identify what it was, but gave up and instead knocked on the door as I pushed it open.

I mean, it was already slightly open, so surely it was fine?

Catching Bronya and Seele locking lips, some series of hands underneath each other’s shirts was not what I expected, but it also wasn’t outside the realm of possibility to the point that I couldn’t comprehend it.

What surprised me the most was the half second glimpse of seeing Bronya, with her silver hair ever so slightly disheveled, look so utterly enchanted being with Seele. And Seele, the girl who would always be ready to fight at any moment, looking to be completely under Bronya’s spell.

Both of them looking so smitten with each other was what caught me off guard the most. It had only been a few weeks. I shouldn’t have been so surprised considering how they were after a few days but I felt like I had walked in on a married couple of several years, not a few weeks.

Of course, neither of them were slouches when it came to awareness and both of them had adequate combat experience. The second I walked through that door they made a not so secret sound of alert and immediately righted themselves back, with Bronya standing at her desk and Seele looking to be the ever so dutiful bodyguard.

“Oh! Zenith! What a-” Bronya coughed as her voice cracked just a tad. “What a surprise!”

“Z-Zenith. Nice to see that you’re back so early. It’s been a while.” Seele nodded towards me.

…Were they really going to act like nothing just happened?

If I were a better person, I would have played along. As it was, I couldn’t help but mess with them when the opportunity presented itself.

“So uh.” I trailed off, letting the moment build a bit. “You two have room for one more?”

“Zenith!!! Y-You saw that?” Seele seemed both outraged and aghast at being caught. Or maybe it was the fact that I acknowledged it.

“What? No welcome home kiss for me? Seele you must hate me!” I could not wipe the smile off my face as I cried crocodile tears. “What about you Bronya? I have to say that I missed you the most!”

“I- Y-You did? I would have thought that you and Seele… Oh but- A kiss…” Bronya seemed distressed by my sudden charade. I felt a little bad, but it was awfully entertaining watching her fret about it. “I-If you insist that a kiss will make you feel better- But it must be on the cheek!”

“What?! No! Bronya don’t!” Seele cried. “Zenith is a vixen! She’ll snatch you up and toy with your heart! Just look at her ex-girlfriend!”

“Hey!” Seele what the hell? I didn’t even know this world’s ex-girlfriend but I took offense to that! “That’s rude! I have never done such a thing!”

“The trail of broken hearts you’ve left in the Underworld says otherwise! Everyone knows of your dastardly deeds! Mothers tell stories to their children to watch out for people like you, lest their heart is broken into a million pieces!”

My jaw dropped. What sort of womanizer was this world's Zenith? Why had I never heard of this? This was not at all how I expected this conversation to go.

“Is this… Is this true? I didn't know you were this sort of person, Zenith. I respect everyone's pursuit of love, but to toy with people's emotions…” Bronya said solemnly.

“Wh- Bronya I've never played with people's emotions. Haven't we been through life and death together?! Isn't that enough of a showcase of my character?” I defended myself from this slander.

Bronya didn't respond, instead she simply broke into a smile and exchanged glances with Seele. Her counterpart immediately burst into laughter that gave away the game.

I was flabbergasted. I had been played. A betrayal of the highest caliber.

“It's nice to see you again, Zenith. Sorry we couldn't greet you more properly.” Bronya smiled, this one softer, but no less gentle than the one from a moment ago.

“Yeah we thought you would appear earlier than the rest, but you're usually someone who likes to sleep in so we thought we had some extra time.” Seele seemed a bit embarrassed.

I pouted. “Have you two been visiting the theater while I've been gone?”

“Could you tell?” Seele seemed proud. “We thought it would be funny to one up your usual antics when you returned.”

“Clearly it was time well spent.” Bronya declared.

“I'm sure that was the only reason you two decided to see theater plays together.” I said, amused.

Seele blushed but Bronya took it in stride. It was clear to me who was the decisive one in the relationship.

“We’ve also been working hard on the museum. If we’ve picked up a few things here and there while working on renovating, you can only consider it Belobog’s birthright.” Bronya seemed awfully smug.

“Hmm.” I shrugged. I had the feeling these two were getting back at me for my sudden leaving last time. I couldn’t blame them. “Heh. Well, how about that celebration then?”

“Almost ready. We’re just waiting for the guests of honor to arrive and we’ll get things started.” Bronya explained. “But I wanted to call you here early since as we did so… we learned a few things regarding the matter you asked me to look into before.”

My eyes widened as surprise took over. The more I learned about the Remembrance the more questions I had, but any information at all regarding it I would take. If I could find out what the Remembrance had to do with Belobog of all things, maybe I’d be one step closer to finding a way back.

…And this way I wouldn’t have to rely on outside factors like the Stellaron Hunters or the Astral Express. Can’t put all my eggs in one basket. Or two, in this case.

“Alright. Lead the way.” I nodded, a bit more somber than I meant to be.

Bronya and Seele shared a look. “That won’t be us, actually.” Seele said.

Seele looked awfully sheepish. Bronya got out her phone and, from what I could see, texted someone.

Neither of them opted to elaborate more, which led to my raised eyebrow. As a minute passed, just as I was about to speak up and ask what was going on, someone else pushed through the door behind me.

“Bronya? What did you need, exactly?” An oddly familiar voice called as she moved through the door.

I turned around slowly, a feeling of trepidation settling into my spine. I knew that voice. In fact, the last time I had been here, one of the last things I did was mouth off at that voice.

Blonde hair, regal purple eyes, a noble outfit fitting of a Supreme Guardian. Her hands were still covered in frost.

“Oh.” Cocolia Rand said as her eyes fell upon me. “It’s you.”

And she did not seem one bit happy.

Ah fuck.

Chapter Text

I'm a nerd.

That might be obvious to many people, but I feel the need to state it out loud.

I'm a nerd. Italicized and everything.

Give me an hour and I could probably name about 800 or so Pokémon along with their typing. Only reason I'm even missing some is because I skipped gen 8 on its release.

Give me another hour and I could recite the plot of each fire emblem game and my favorite ships from them.

I buy physical forms of my favorite light novels and manga, figures of my favorite characters with money I should probably be saving, and write fanfiction in my spare time.

Most people were merely molded by the nerdiness. I was born in it. Crafted into one straight out of the womb. I blame my Japanese mother who, instead of sticking to just American cartoons like most American children, also introduced me to anime at a very young and impressionable age.

But the worst part about me being a nerd?

I knew I was one. And I did not give a single fuck. Cringe? Weird? Those are simply social inhibitions placed upon oneself that prevents someone from truly enjoying their own hobbies. Give me a pokeball and what is essentially one step off of Pokémon and you bet your ass I'll get into character.

God.

…I need a girlfriend.

Not because I'm ashamed of what I enjoy, but I need someone as equally shameless as me so there can be two of us.

Chapter 20. Stand By Me

To say that I was afraid of Cocolia wasn't exactly correct.

Cocolia, a woman who had literally harnessed a Stellaron’s power, and subsequently suffered for it. A mother, former lover, former ruler. A woman of great status that many would strive to be able to do even half the things she could achieve.

Someone who did her best for what she thought was for the betterment of her home. She might not have been correct in doing so, but it wasn't done out of malice.

There were tangible, understandable reasons that she did everything. Reasons that a vast majority of people could probably be coerced or persuaded into doing, one way or another even without the influence of a mind corrupting Stellaron.

Did I agree with them? Not at all. But I saw situations similar to what Belobog faced countless times back on Earth, even within my home country of the US of A.

No, I wasn't afraid of Cocolia. I was terrified. Not because of any reason previously listed, but because I called her a coward and a bad mother to her face.

The worst part was that I could feel my body rebelling. Goosebumps forming upon my skin and the tiny little baby hairs I had upon my body all standing on edge. Instead of running or backing down like any sensible person, I could feel myself bristling with an untapped fire, ready to mouth off at her on the flick of a switch.

Was I stupid? Was I about to win myself a Darwin award? Hopefully not. I was no means dumb but-

Wait. I had run straight into a battle with an Emanator not too long ago. Maybe my fight or flight instincts really were messed up.

…I think I should probably start taking those self-defense lessons with Dan Heng and/or Blade a lot more seriously.

Anyways, I still stood by what I said back then. So I was ready to throw down if Cocolia so willed it. I would lose, but to make a liar out of myself was something I would never do even if it killed me.

So even though Cocolia’s glare felt like I was enduring absolute zero, I matched her glare with my own.

“Oh.” I said, mimicking not only her words, but also how our previous interaction went. “It’s you.”

Her glare intensified, having clearly recognized double meaning in my words. It felt as if it was about to turn physical, as if her eyes could manifest blades of ice and she would use them to puncture holes into me until I was bleeding out on the ground.

Maybe if it was snowy, with a nice view of the cityscape, throw in a bench for good measure and I could let it happen, but we were in the office of the Supreme Guardian who happened to be my friend. I wasn’t going to be the first to back down even if said antagonist is her own mother.

Cocolia huffed, her glare melting into a more normal, aloof gaze. It was still piercing and cold, but no longer did I feel as if I was about to be skewered alive.

“...You seem a bit different. I wonder what sort of things you've been through in the short time you were gone.” Cocolia commented. Her words revealed to me that her gaze was not just scornful but also analytical.

Terrifying, truthfully, but I stood my ground.

“Well. Aside from you trying to kill us.” I sarcastically answered. I felt a bit guilty since I saw a tangible look of remorse pass through Cocolia's face as I did so. “I got kidnapped and someone else also tried to kill me and my friends.”

“K-Kidnapped?” Bronya couldn't help but speak up.

“Did you at least win?” Seele asked.

The two who had been silent until now, having evidently sensed the tension between Cocolia and I, finally decided to speak. I was grateful for their concern, even if one of them seemed a bit focused on the wrong thing.

“Technically, yes.” I replied to Seele. Then paused as I realized that applied to both accounts. “To both questions, I was kidnapped on a technicality and also won on a technicality. Uh, it’s not a huge deal and I’ll fill you two in later or you can ask some of the Express when they come on by later in the day.”

Fighting an emanator, even if I wasn’t the one actually fighting, was a big deal. As well as a literal Aeon appearing, and another Aeon sending support. I hope I wasn’t passing it off as if it were just another wednesday afternoon but that was something that I didn’t want to get into right this second.

“But-” Bronya started.

“So Cocolia, you had something you wanted to show me?” I started, purposefully interrupting Bronya from probing more.

The only mother in the room rose an eyebrow at my exceedingly obvious attempt at fleeing the scene, but thankfully still complied. “...We’ll be off, Bronya.”

With that, I was able to successfully dodge any questions about what had transpired on the Xianzhou. There was just too much to unpack from my perspective of the entire thing and I didn’t want to let anything slip.

The walk with Cocolia was less oppressive than I initially thought it would be. I might have just been imagining it, but I had the feeling that Cocolia viewed me less as a threat and more as a… particularly rowdy friend of her daughter.

While I would disagree with someone labeling me as ‘rowdy’, the only real interactions I’ve had with her could only be labeled as such, so I couldn’t exactly refute it. Not to mention Bronya and Seele were likely stuck to each other like glue and Seele was someone who could hardly be labeled as anything but rowdy.

It was a little awkward, I wasn't someone who was good at small talk and Cocolia was someone who didn't care about small talk so the quick walk to the archives was silent until we arrived. It was only then that Cocolia started to fill me in.

The archives was a lot different than what the Express had. While the Express’ archives were nearly all digital and stored within the train's local storage (however that worked), the Belobogian Archives was a veritable library.

Books upon books nestled into shelves and containers as high as the ceiling. It wasn't a small room either. From what I could estimate it was probably bigger than the Fort's reception room, even if one were to take away the desks and the giant ceiling tall windows, of which this room had no windows to speak of, it would still be only about two-thirds the size.

“The term ‘Record-Keeper’ wasn't found anywhere within the Fort of Qlipoth's archives.” Cocolia spoke as we entered the book-filled room. “However when Bronya decided to expand her searches to the depths of the underworld, that was when she started to see results.”

“I-uh.” My response died on my lips when I realized the weight of her words. “This entire library?”

“Yes. She had a team dedicated to scouring the archives for an entire month. Not solely for you.” Cocolia heard my unspoken question and stomped on it. “But to get a better understanding of Belobog as a whole, both from before and after the Eternal Freeze.”

“That’s…” I licked my lips, trying to understand the magnitude of what Bronya was trying to do. “Quite a bit.”

“I raised her to be thorough in everything she does. Never have I been disappointed in her.” Cocolia seemed a little wistful as she spoke with pride only a parent could have.

I was silent for a moment as I digested everything. Cocolia didn’t seem to mind, her gaze was sweeping the room, almost as if she was lost in reminiscence of some sort.

“So, what sorts of things did she find? Svarog was rather insistent in what they called me, though I never was able to get an answer out of them as to what it meant.” I asked Cocolia.

Cocolia walked over to a desk huddled in the corner. I trailed a few paces behind her. On the desk was a book weathered by age. It was exactly what I expected to see from one of those old leather-bound journals back in the 1700s on Earth, except this one was clearly much more sophisticated than those and much, much older.

Next to it sat another book, this one in pristine condition. Although the older one was worn down, it seemed to be made of higher quality materials than the clean one.

“There was an old journal found from before the Eternal Freeze. It was written by an independent researcher who joined the Architects and Belobog's joint project in the construction of Belobog’s fortress over seven-hundred years ago. The journal details the war with the AntiMatter Legion as well as the subsequent Stellaron Burst that we now know caused the Eternal Freeze.” Cocolia explained, starting with some context. “After the planet was cut off from the rest of the galaxy… the independent researcher instead dedicated themselves to recording the events of everything that she saw.”

I was silent as I digested this information. “A record keeper.” I stated.

“Indeed.” Cocolia nodded. “There are small notes before every new entry, of her rambling on about something that happened to interest her or what she was particularly hung up on that day, but past those notes is a rather detailed documentation of an objective view between the Architects, IPC, and Belobog as well as their efforts against the AntiMatter legion and the years that came after. The main thing that drew our eye and linked it back to your request, was the final line of the journal.”

Cocolia cleared her throat. “‘And it is my hope that with this journal that my children and all those who come after, may find a journey that is theirs to record and keep close to their heart. For we are the record-keepers, and the journey itself is half the fun.’”

“...Who is ‘we’? The… children?” I said, struggling to speak as I tried to wrap my mind around what I had been presented with.

The former Supreme Guardian hummed. “That’s what several people on the team believe, but you’re the one who asked Bronya initially to investigate the term. What do you think?”

I licked my lips as I tried to think of something. The more I thought about it the more I felt like something was off.

“This was the only time the phrase ‘record-keeper’ popped up?”

“That we’ve seen so far, yes. There aren't many old books left to go through however, so I don’t foresee it making another appearance.”

Was I on a wild goose chase of nothing? Did all this come from some preconceived notion of how certain characters should act early on in my transmigration here? Was it simply a term given out freely, with no real meaning?

No- no. That didn’t make sense. Svarog was so insistent with what they called me. But what? All I had was an old book that detailed ancient history. It was the same as looking at a history textbook, and I never quite enjoyed history class.

Maybe it was something that I simply needed to experience before moving forward.

“I don’t really know what else to think. It just feels like an ending note that people often write to dedicate their book to someone. Although I suppose that’s something people put at the start but that’s more of a cultural difference rather than-” I stopped myself and shook my head. I asked her a different question instead. “Can I read it myself?

“By all means, go ahead. The book next to the journal is an exact transcript of the contents.”

As I hovered over the copy, something urged me to read from the original. I paused, my hand twitching as I tried to decipher where that urge came from, but couldn’t locate its origins besides a simple gut feeling.

“Can I read the original?”

Cocolia narrowed her eyebrows at me. Rather than any sort of severe, icy feeling, it felt as if she were about to scold me as if I were a child.

“I’ll stay in the room!” I interjected her oncoming words. “I just feel like I would be able to better digest things if I were to digest it in its original form.”

I felt as if it were a plausible enough excuse, but I didn’t actually believe my own words. Cocolia didn’t seem convinced, but instead of saying anything, she took her phone out of her breast pocket and checked it.

Whatever was on it must have been serious as she frowned and the temperature around us quite literally dropped a few degrees.

“Fine. Do what you please. Something came up, so I must be off. Don’t take the original out of the archive. The copy you can do what you please with.” Cocolia instructed me before leaving.

I wouldn’t say I was someone who could read Cocolia like an open book, but I had the feeling that she was someone who was usually rather reserved. Even though our limited meetings might allude to the other end of the spectrum. So to see Cocolia leave so quickly, I couldn’t help but wonder if something was seriously wrong.

The abruptness of it had a foreboding feeling. It felt similar to the Xianzhou, where I walked into my own room and realized something was not quite right. I really hoped that wasn’t the case.

Checking my phone revealed nothing new. I knew that Stelle, Dan Heng and March wouldn’t arrive for a few more hours since they wanted to sleep in. I couldn’t exactly blame them considering it wasn’t even noon yet. But if they wanted to be fashionably late then I was questionably early.

I shook my head and got myself back on track. If it were something important I’m sure that Bronya or Seele would say something. As it was, I had an opportunity to go through the original journal and see exactly what this so-called record-keeper had to say for themselves.

Delicately taking the old weathered journal into my hands, I opened the book to the first page. To my delight it was sturdier than I expected, likely from the high quality materials it was made out of.

As my gaze ran over the author’s note, the words that stared back at me had me reeling in shock.

Do our memories make us who we are? Or is there some innate blueprint that guides us towards a predestined personality? Are we the product of our experiences or do our experiences cause us to be greater than the sum of our parts?

No-

What? That wasn’t possible.

No no no.

I had read this before, word for word in another book. It was right there in the same place, the author’s note that one would find as soon as they opened the cover.

My pulse sped up to the point that my own heart deafened me. The rush of blood in my ears silenced the ambient hum of the lights and the wind outside. Every single pore of my skin rose to goosebumps and I found myself struggling to even stay standing. I staggered, barely managing to catch myself and the book from tumbling to the ground.

I forced myself to gulp down deep breaths of air, holding it in and feeling each thump of my heart echo throughout my entire body. When I was done I was finally able to think straight again.

My very first day that I had transmigrated I had read the exact same words, coming from the book that my other self wrote.

The only logical conclusion that I could draw was that Zenith had read this exact book somehow, and wrote that same author note in her own book. But what sort of significance did it even have to this piece of literature? According to Cocolia, this was essentially just a journal of history. Zenith's author's note was clearly addressed to me.

Everything felt wrong, like I was in some sort of sick and twisted game. Maybe I was, and someone above my plane of existence was watching me, laughing and commenting on everything I stumbled on. Or maybe I was being too conceited and I wasn’t even worth spending time on.

The more I thought about that train of thought the deeper into the existential crisis rabbit hole I found myself falling into. It wasn’t something worth thinking about, as there was nothing I could do about it at this exact moment. So I focused instead on the book in front of me.

It was nearly impossible to concentrate enough to read the first few sentences, and I found myself reading them over and over as the words washed over me yet never stuck. It wasn’t until my tenth or so try of reading the starting paragraph that I was finally able to focus enough to comprehend it, and from there it was smooth sailing.

If one were to ignore the starting author’s note, which held no real significance to anyone but me, then it was a completely normal recording of the things that were happening in the past. Like Cocolia said, with each entry was a small note at the top of the page, rambling on about whatever the author currently fancied.

The actual contents were detailed descriptions of things, such as how Alisa Rand looked, the kinds of things Belobog was going through at the time, the thoughts of the common people. There were even accounts of how Alisa Rand hesitated with her decisions, how she didn’t quite know what to do and would spend long hours at night deliberating things.

That caused me to raise an eyebrow. How would the author know about such intimate details unless they were close to the Supreme Guardian? Unless it was exaggerated, but Cocolia said it was detailed and objective.

I didn’t need to ruminate on it more, the further and further I got into the book the more things came together. It painted a picture in words of how the war against the AntiMatter Legion was going, how they were losing and desperately needed a way out. The deal struck with the IPC and the Architects and how the Eternal Freeze came to be.

It wasn’t yet called the Eternal Freeze back then, only a ravenous blizzard that seemed to have no end. According to the author, it wasn’t until a full thirty years after the blizzard had started was it dubbed as such.

Reading it all really put the perspective of how much the Stellaron had ravaged this planet. Prior to the Eternal Freeze, there were mechanical marvels all across the globe, with cities twice as large as Belobog and with quadruple the population.

It struck me odd that someone who, according to their own words found in the journal, joined the Jarilo VI project as an attempt to broaden their horizons would have the ability to detail such things when there was a war going on. But perhaps it was my own lack of understanding that caused such a feeling to arise.

By the end of the book, a full fifty years had passed since they initially stepped foot onto the planet. Communications with the galaxy had long been cut off due to the Stellaron burst, not that the author had any idea that was the true reason, and the date between entries grew exponentially longer.

As I read over the last words of the book, the very same ones that Cocolia had recited to me, I closed the book and ruminated on my thoughts.

It wasn’t what I expected. Not in the slightest.

Maybe I had been tainted by the malevolence of my other self. The malice, anger and frustration at life etched into the very words of everything she wrote. But it felt no different than a regular novel. It was obvious that it was an autobiographical piece, detailing the historical events that occurred throughout the author’s life, but still structured more along the lines of a traditional novel rather than a historical one.

One thing that I noted was that the author never once named herself. She even acknowledged such a thing a few pages before the end, merely calling herself a record-keeper.

The Record-Keeper.

I sighed. I was expecting to have some answers to questions that burned in the back of my mind, but all I had were more questions that eroded my consciousness and not a single answer. It felt like I was missing something important, and that gut feeling regarding the book hadn’t gone away. If anything, it felt even more pronounced, like I was staring at the answer but didn't know it.

But what? What was I missing?

I stared at the cover of the book, boring a hole into it with my gaze. Wracking my brains over and over to no avail. Still nothing.

I sighed again, deciding to check the time. I knew that hours had gone by, but I had been focused solely on what was in front of me. Nobody had come back to check on me, which either meant they had forgotten about me or they were letting me take my time to read things.

Or, I recalled Cocolia’s urgency as she left the archive, something had happened.

Was it a Stellaron? I really hoped there wasn’t another Stellaron. I don’t think I could handle a third.

I checked my phone, finding that March, Stelle and Dan Heng had all attempted to contact me to no success. It didn’t seem like anything that would cause the end of my existence as I knew it was imminently happening, so I relaxed a little.

If they didn’t bother to call, then it probably wasn’t important. I operated under that set of circumstances even back on Earth. Of course, they had to preface their call with a text unless I really knew them. Blindly getting a call from strangers is probably on my top ten things I’m terrified of.

Maybe I should reevaluate that list in light of this entire transmigration thing. Something to do for later.

No one responded to my text when I asked what was wrong, and when I returned to Bronya’s personal office, it was locked tight with no one to be found. I decided to head back to the reception room, the one with the large windows and the fancy desk, only to find that too also abandoned.

I swiveled my head back and forth, looking at all the crevices in the room as if someone would suddenly pop up. It just didn’t make sense for the fortress to be so empty. Where were Stelle and co? Bronya? Cocolia? Seele?

As I took a step towards the front door, hoping that maybe they were just chatting outside, I nearly slipped on a gold coin-like object that found itself underneath my sole. I picked it up after I steadied myself.

It was bigger than a quarter, probably around the size of a half-dollar, and it had stenciled designs and words on it. As far as I could tell it wasn’t any sort of currency. The words ‘Aetherium Wars’ was etched into it, and there was a two toned circle in the center of the coin, with an even smaller solid colored circle inside of that.

I had a weird feeling of deja vu as I stared at it. The two toned circle looked a little familiar, and the smaller circle inside of it kind of looked like a button…

I pressed on it on a whim, feeling a little bit of childish glee as I did so. I didn’t expect it to actually light up and create something out of thin air in front of me.

“Gah!?” I screeched, falling flat onto my butt as the light solidified into a mechanical creature that was found on the Xianzhou.

It looked like a mechanical fish. There was a dorsal fin made out of moving parts, two turquoise colored tails with gold highlights that flowed back and forth in the air, and even bulging fish eyed appendages on the ‘face’ of it.

I remember seeing a few used by the craftsmen on the Xianzhou, I don’t know what they used it for but I was aware that the presence of the Stellaron corrupted quite a few of them to become sentient and attack anyone that moved.

So what was it doing here and-

Oh god was it going to attack me? I stayed deathly still, staring at the mechanical fish as it stared back at me.

Looking at it closely, it seemed a bit odd. Not quite as detailed… or solid for that matter as the ones I saw on the Xianzhou. In fact, I could even see through it a bit if I looked for it. It was translucent, almost as if it were a hologram.

Which… if I were to guess from the sudden burst of light… it probably was.

I still had the coin-like object in my hands even when I ate dirt, so I experimented by pressing the button-like part of the coin once more, and to my surprise the hologram in front of me disappeared in yet another burst of light.

Huh.

It was almost like… a Pokeball…

I stood back up, dusting off my poor dress as I did so, and pressed the button for a third time. The dragonfish was born into existence yet again.

I blinked. It really was like a Pokeball. This universe had Pokemon? So what, was Aetherium Wars some sort of game? But wait- why was it in the form of that thing on the Xianzhou…

Uh- no. Better not think about it.

“Can you hear me…?” I asked the dragonfish hesitantly.

The dragonfish, floating mid-air without a care in the world, tilted its entire body 45 degrees. It reminded me of when my cat would tilt its head when met with something that confused it.

…It was kind of cute.

“Do you have any moves… Ah, wait, you probably shouldn’t do that in the office. How about something else… Can you backflip in the air for me? Or like… nod your head if you can understand me?” I said.

The dragonfish nodded with its entire body before flipping itself, head over heels, in the air. It looked utterly ridiculous for a mechanical contraption that was also a hologram, but it meant that it could understand me.

The gravity of the situation suddenly struck me.

“Oh my god. I have a Pokemon.” I couldn’t help but whisper to myself. “I HAVE A POKEMON!”

I cackled to myself in the middle of the reception room. I was watching Pokemon on television since before I even had a developed consciousness, every Wednesday after school I would watch it and I played even more of it. The only generation I ever skipped was generation 8, and that was because I was up to my arms in university assignments and never got around to it.

There was always something I wanted to do. Even though it wasn’t exactly an orb like a pokeball, I could still accomplish the same effect.

I spread my legs out shoulder width, grasped the Aetherium Wars coin in my right hand and pushed it as far as I could towards the sky.

“I caught a Dragonfish!” I shouted with joy.

I relished in the feeling of finally fulfilling one of my childhood fantasies by keeping that pose for a bit longer. If I had my way I would have five other Pokemon all next to me as I did so, each of us striking that same ridiculous pose that would become our motto to win.

“Ahem.” Someone coughed, clearing their throat.

My heart sank. I could feel all the blood drain from my face as I recoiled and immediately withdrew my arm from its extended position.

Someone saw me. Oh my god someone saw me posing and acting stupid. It’s not that I cared that I was acting stupid it’s that if I wanted to act stupid I wanted to be aware that other people were there.

OH MY GOD SOMEONE SAW ME.

As quickly as my face had gone pale, it erupted into a bright blush as I forced myself to turn around. I put on a smile in an attempt to seem as if I wasn’t bothered by what just happened, but upon seeing’s Dan Heng’s own awkward look I could only give up the jig and embrace the utter mortification that I was currently feeling.

“I believe you have something of mine.” Dan Heng spoke. He refused to make eye contact with me.

“O-Oh.” I stuttered, forcing out a laugh. “Y-Yeah! I… just got it for you… was about to give it back.”

Oh my god I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

“Right…” Dan Heng said as he accepted the Aetherium Wars coin from me.

An awkward silence descended upon us. If I were any less socially awkward I would probably try to break the ice by saying something like ‘Oh so you play Aetherium Wars too Dan Heng? I didn’t expect that from you!’ and pretend like nothing happened.

I couldn’t do that because I was busy imagining myself being crumbled into a tiny ball as small as possible and tossed into the trash to avoid having to think about this ever again.

But hey, at least this universe had Pokemon!

Chapter Text

I'd like to think that I was a good judge of character. Whether or not I did anything with that judgement was up to how I was feeling at the moment. There were certainly some relationships that I’ve had in the past, friendly or otherwise, where I instantly knew what type of person someone was and still decided to connect with them.

I was a hypocrite in that regard. And it was probably still a weakness of mine considering the circumstances of which I often find myself in and the people who I willingly chose to associate with, even in an entirely new universe, but…

Hmm. I didn’t really have an excuse. My callousness in that regard is a fatal flaw of mine. It probably- certainly, had to do with my difficulty in connecting with people. When I connected with someone I would move the world for them, jump to their defence at the slightest injustice. But when I didn’t?

Sometimes I just let them… survive in my life. They could gently be in my orbit of acquaintances and I wouldn’t really care so long as they don’t break my personal boundaries.

I… don’t know how to fix such a thing. My moral boundaries were rigid in one way and flexible in another.

Probably, most likely, almost certainly, it had to do with loneliness.

Even if I never considered myself a lonely person, even if I enjoyed my alone time much more than a vast majority of people, I never really wanted to find myself… truly alone.

Chapter 21. Misty Memory

Dan Heng filled me in on what had happened while I was in the library. A truly baffling sentence if one thought about it for more than a moment. I was only holed up in the library for an afternoon, what could have possibly gone wrong in that amount of time?

A lot, apparently. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised considering the circumstances of who exactly I was traveling across the galaxy with, but this was a return trip. Was this even a part of the story of the game?

That particular branch of thought was quickly trimmed from my mind. It ultimately didn’t matter if it was or was not as I was completely blind to any future events. Schrodingers’s plot points; This was both a part of the game’s events and also not until I was able to observe it myself.

…No actually I don’t think that’s how that particular thought experiment worked.

Regardless of the technicalities, I reorganized my expectations of any future stops to assume that there would always be something that went wrong in some way, shape or form. In that sense, as long as I avoided being with Stelle for extended periods of time I could probably dodge any trouble.

Not that I wanted to avoid Stelle. She was nice, and pretty, and a good friend.

Wait. If she was the protagonist of the story, did that mean I could get through any ordeals by sticking close by to her?

…These sort of thoughts were something I probably should have had before I decided to join the Express.

“Do Stelle and March need our help with the IPC?” I asked after Dan Heng finished his rundown.

Dan Heng shook his head. “Already handled by Cocolia and Himeko.”

I blinked. “Cocolia and Himeko…?” I couldn’t quite imagine the two of them working together, but after the Xianzhou there wasn’t much that would leave me surprised for long.

“Cocolia is strong. The Stellaron might have given her a power boost in the past, but the fact that she survived the contamination should have been a clear indicator of her power. She’s no Phantylia, but the robots that she grew up with wouldn’t be enough to stop her.” Dan Heng explained.

“Robots? Did the IPC have access to some master control system and turn the Belobog robots against them?” I half-joked.

Dan Heng raised an eyebrow. “Yes.”

“Oh.” I paused for half a step as I realized that Dan Heng wasn’t just humoring me. “What about Himeko?”

“The Astral Express has quite the reputation. She was able to stop the IPC’s forceful takeover by vouching for Belobog and their ability to eventually repay the debt.”

“Huh. Guess no one wants to piss off the Astral Express.”

Dan Heng was silent for a moment before he corrected me. “If the IPC really cared they wouldn’t hold back even if we were in the way. I think it’s mostly that Topaz decided that the cooperation between the Express, Belobog and the IPC was better for a long-term investment. The higher-ups might not agree but if it was such a priority then we wouldn’t be seeing only a single representative.”

I’ve read enough about the IPC when I just joined the Express and was learning about the greater parts of the universe, so I knew that the IPC was a mega corp that basically had a piece of the pie in most corners of the galaxy, but understanding the scale of such a thing wasn’t an easy thing for any individual person to do without actually experiencing it.

“...This would be my first time interacting with the IPC. It kind of leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth to hear all of this.” I said honestly.

“The IPC is similar to the Antimatter legion in a sense. They’re solely dedicated to the Preservation of the galaxy, much like how the Legion is dedicated to Destruction. The problem with that is that they tend to ignore the sentiments of the actual inhabitants of planets when it comes to their work. They’re not inherently evil, and one could argue that they’re doing things for the betterment of the galaxy as a whole.” Dan Heng told me.

His explanation was thorough and highlighted similarities of both Earth and this new Universe, but it felt sanitized in a sense.

“And your actual opinion?” I asked.

“Don’t trust the IPC, but don’t make an enemy of them. They can be useful in a pinch.” Dan Heng warned me.

“Sounds good to me.” I shrugged. Taking advantage of any bajillion dollar corporation was always ethical.

“And get ready to fight.” Dan Heng finished.

“...What?”

Although I only spent at most a few days in Belobog’s underworld, that didn't mean I didn't know the layout. It was reasonably straightforward, with minimal areas that you could realistically get lost in unless you decided to venture far off the beaten path.

With the underworld and the surface reconnected once again, there were clear signs of work being done to account for that. More people bustled about, things were more lively and active, and the overall atmosphere no longer held a subtle, near oppressive feeling of melancholy that one would only notice once they left such an environment. That being said, it wasn’t as if it were all sunshine and rainbows. The second Dan Heng and I descended using the newly reimplemented cable car I noticed that there was a very tense feeling that came from every single person.

There were kids battling with holographic monsters, identical in effect to the one I discovered with Dan Heng’s coin earlier. This was most certainly not a thing prior to leaving Belobog, so it must have been some new phenomena that happened when they opened themselves back up to the greater galaxy.

“So what’s with the holographic monsters?” I couldn’t help but ask as we passed by a set.

“...You really don’t know?” Dan Heng seemed a bit surprised by my question. “Your earlier… actions had me thinking you already played.”

I coughed. A blush quickly rose onto my face. “It’s just… something similar from my childhood. There was a show and everything.” I shook my head.

Dan Heng grunted in acknowledgement. “It’s called Aetherium Wars. You collect monsters, and use them to battle other monsters. You win when all the opponent’s monsters are unable to continue battling.”

I blinked. That was literally just Pokemon.

“Right. Sounds simple enough. So why do you have one? You don’t strike me as the type of person who’d play such a thing.”

“It’s entertaining, but you’re right. It’s not really my thing.” Dan Heng nodded. “We’re deciding the fate of Belobog by having an Aetherium Wars tournament.”

I stopped in my tracks.

“That sounds stupid enough to be true.” I pointed out.

“It is in fact, stupid enough to be true.” Dan Heng agreed.

“...Oh.”

I didn’t exactly have much more of a retort to that. Deciding the fate of Belobog from a game tournament? Were we being influenced by the Elation or something? Did no one else besides us two see how stupid that was?

We continued walking throughout Boulder town. A few people recognized me and gave me a smile and a wave, and I returned in kind. I didn’t remember any of their names but they clearly knew me. It put me on the slightest bit of edge that I hadn’t felt since I left Belobog.

In the Xianzhou and the Express, when I wasn’t busy being kidnapped, I could freely be myself. No one knew me before I truly became myself. But in Belobog, in the underworld, people knew who I was before Zenith and I swapped places. It caused my paranoia to spike, leaving me with a restless feeling.

I felt a little like I was an actor, more than I usually did. At least with the Express I only had to hide that I was in contact with the Hunters. Here, I had to hide the fact that I was me.

Luckily I didn’t need to worry about that too much, as we quickly made our way through the town and onto a fragmentum district. Rivet Town had been cleared out of monsters, with patrols and robots populating the area, and even through that we pushed through the outskirts of the town.

This was essentially the area that I had stopped becoming familiar with. Anything past this point was either something I deemed too dangerous to explore on my own or something unexplored from before the time I left Belobog.

This seemed to be the case of both situations, as we kept going onto a long winding road. It was covered in activity despite the fact that we were technically in the fragmentum currently. Guards and robots were placed along the road, some of them tuned into their phones, some of them just chatting with each other.

I certainly didn't recognize some of the Guards’ uniforms. There were the usual Silvermane ones that I was used to, but also ones in a black suit.

As we continued onwards we came upon a raised hill that had a flat top, almost reminding me of some mountain top that people used as a base to ski down. Except instead of a slow gradual slope there was a sharp drop accessed only by an elevator and a large arena that wouldn’t look out of place at some retro punk illegal WWE circuit. Except, instead of wrestling there were holographic monsters battling it out.

Was that Bronya and Cocolia down there?

There were plenty of people mingling about up top at the place I now dubbed the ‘Trash's peak’. I recognized more than a few of them. Seele was there, watching Bronya… battle Cocolia down at the arena. Stelle and March were apparently in some deep conversation, they also had a tiny warp trotter at their feet. Himeko was talking with some important looking people, including a woman with red streaked silver hair in a black uniform that showed off her long legs. A woman who, upon noticing our arrival, excused herself and began walking towards us.

“So remind me, what exactly does the fate of Belobog mean?” I asked quietly to my escort before the important looking uniformed woman arrived.

Dan Heng didn't get a chance to speak, as the woman answered my question instead. I don't think I spoke quite loud enough for her to hear it, unless she happened to have enhanced hearing like the Foxians. Lip reading perhaps?

“It's nothing that important. Your former and current Supreme Guardian pleaded to me their case and I couldn't help but be convinced. Right now we're just settling some trading rights that no one could agree on with some Aetherium Wars battles.” The woman said as she saddled up upon us. “I'm Topaz, a manager of the Strategic Investment Department at the IPC.”

She held out a hand, and I took it. Our handshake was firm and from it I could tell that this entire fiasco had to do with her. This was something she did every day at work, and to her this was just another business meeting.

At least, that was my initial impression. But would she really interject into Dan Heng and I's conversation if it was that simple? I had met with these types before back on Earth. Certainly for them it was that simple, but this was different.

“I'm Zenith. Member of the Astral Express and former resident of Belobog.” I said simply and let go of the handshake.

I knew at that moment that my gut feeling wasn't wrong when I felt a spike of something flare alive at my mention of the Astral Express and Belobog. It wasn't visible on her expression or even micro-expressions, those were schooled well from experience, but from a method unique to me.

I didn't get the chance to do more than the briefest touch upon the waters of her threads, I wasn't skilled enough for that unless I were to get more than a few seconds of contact; not to mention that I didn't want to mess with someone I just met, but that was all I needed to notice.

“Pleasure to meet you. Have you ever played Aetherium Wars before?”

…And yet. Even with all that, something still felt off. Why would an IPC manager try to settle something with a game?

I shook my head. “Never played, reminds me of an old TV show I watched when I was little. They would capture monsters and use them to battle each other.”

Topaz chuckled. It sounded natural despite the fact that it was probably nothing more than a facade.

Was I being too harsh on my judgement of someone who I had just met?

“Well you aren't alone. Your Belobog friends just started a few hours ago after we settled everything. Perhaps you can convince one of your Astral Express friends to give up their spot to the tournament since they're more experienced.” Topaz turned her gaze towards Dan Heng and gave him a small, brief, smile. She continued her conversation with me after.

I could take the hint.

“Since you're new, I wouldn't mind giving you a rundown of the game myself if you're interested.” Topaz offered.

I took some time to consider her offer, and as I did, really drank in her sight. She was, objectively, very attractive. With toned, long legs exposed from her outfit. The bodysuit that she wore was black, and had red highlights around the cuffs of the detached sleeves, as well as her lapels and a one-shouldered sleek cape. I believed the correct terminology was paludamentum, if the previous period pieces of plays were to be trusted. The button just above her breast was, for lack of a better description, holding on for dear life. Not necessarily because of the fact that she was a particularly buxom woman but more that everything was very form fitting.

Despite that, I found myself thinking that her best feature was the red under dye of her silver hair. It was impeccably done.

My extended silence didn't seem to bother Topaz, as she was still giving me a small smile. I had no doubts she did her own appraisal of me, attempting to glean whatever she could from appearance and body language alone.

Dan Heng, on the other hand, was looking increasingly uncomfortable. Not that it was really visible to anyone who didn't know him, but that perpetual frown of his was just a tiny bit deeper.

I decided then that I had really no idea what Topaz wanted, but there couldn't be any harm in figuring it out.

“I love your hair.” I said honestly, throwing a non-sequitur at her. “The red under dye really compliments your style. Where do you get your hair done?”

Topaz's smile deepened just a bit to what I hoped was a genuine one. I didn't know her enough to tell off the bat and I had no doubt her poker face was impossibly solid.

“Thank you. A wonderful co-worker of mine called Pearl does it for me. Perks of working at the IPC I suppose. If you'd like, I could talk to her and ask if she takes any outside company clients.” Topaz offered.

Topaz. Pearl. I filed away the interesting naming convention going on for later.

“I'll have to decline. I've always regretted dying my hair every time I did it. I simply like my natural color so much that I start to miss it.” I fibbed. “As for your other offer, I'd love it if you taught me the ropes to the game.”

I was playing a little coy, making sure to keep eye contact with the IPC manager. I didn’t exactly expect it to do anything, nor did I really want to, but I was all dressed up and these sorts of people usually liked listening to themselves speak. Nothing wrong with making a good impression to someone important at the Megacorp that had the galaxy in its grip.

Especially if I happened to be working with a certain group of intergalactic criminals who all had immense bounties.

Connections made the stars twinkle.

Out of my peripheral I could see Dan Heng revert back to his usual stoic expression, clearly he was done with this conversation (not that he was a part of it really, sorry).

Acting as if I had just remembered I didn't actually ask for permission from Dan Heng before I took his place, I turned my head towards him so that half my face was hidden from Topaz and winked with my unseen eye.

“Sorry, I forgot to ask. You wouldn't mind if I took your spot for the tournament, Dan Heng?” I asked.

“...Sure, Zenith. Go ahead. I'm going to go now.” Dan Heng retreated.

I really hoped Dan Heng didn't think I was just doing this because Topaz was good looking. Did I have that sort of impression on people? Probably not.

“Well then, let's get started. Do you have the app downloaded on your phone?” Topaz asked.

“I… do not. I'll do that now.” I said.

I'm not sure why I was surprised to hear that there was an app for space pokemon but it didn't last long. I dug a hand into my purse and reached for my phone, only to pause as I felt it. I triple checked that it had a sticker on the back before I pulled it out.

Certainly did not want to pull out my criminal phone in front of an IPC officer. Even if I didn't store it in my purse in the first place, one could never be too careful.

I opened it with my fingerprint, and looked up Aetherium Wars on the app store.

…It had 2.5 out of 5 stars.

Breaking my personal policy of not downloading anything lower than a three and a half, I created an account quickly.

“Done.” I said, looking up when I finished.

“Great. Now usually people do this online and fully through the app, but there are offline capabilities as well.” Topaz started to explain. She fished out her own phone and sent me a friend request on the game. “The game is turn-based and boils down to using your various monsters in creative ways to defeat the opponent’s monsters. Sound simple enough?” Topaz asked.

“Yep.” I nodded.

“Great, I'll trade you over a full deck, courtesy of being part of the Belobog expansion beta test. Don't be surprised if you see some things that are familiar. Aether scanning technology is still being improved, but it's efficient enough to create a rough draft of things until the balance is ironed out.” Topaz explained.

Beta test, aether scanning. Was this what they meant by trading rights?

Wasn't aether scanning the thing Silver Wolf did? Or was that aether editing? They have to be in adjacent fields.

I accepted the trade request, finding myself the new owner of a plethora of Aetherium… creatures…

I was just going to call them pokemon.

Anyways, I had a whole range of things to choose from, and while they were mostly simple in their abilities, what really made me raise an eyebrow was the fact that the Silvermane Guards apparently had their own category. I guess that was what Topaz meant by the Belobog expansion.

…And the Aether scanning apparently being efficient. Was a half of an afternoon really enough to make all this?

Wait. The children from earlier had them too. Did that mean someone in a powerful position had come out here before the IPC came?

“And here’s an Aether coin. You need one if you’re going to be playing the offline version. All you need to do is scan the coin with your camera in the app and it’ll be linked.” Topaz dropped a coin identical to the one that Dan Heng had earlier in my hand. I scanned it.

“Thank you.” I gave a polite smile. “Any other tips or tricks that I should know?”

“Hmm.” Topaz hummed, she put a hand to her hip and used the other to cup her chin in a somewhat dramatic gesture. “While the monsters aren’t strictly held together and you can use whatever you want, there are some archetypes to them that generally allow better synergy. Don’t be afraid to get creative with it.”

“Thank you.” I said again. “I don’t really have any more questions, I think I’m just going to take some time to look over the options you gave me and choose something. How soon is the tournament?”

“Starting in about thirty minutes. But about that…” Topaz feigned a bit of sheepishness. It was blatantly fake. “It's a little much to call it a tournament. There's only eight people in total after all. Four of us and four of you.”

This tournament felt weirder and weirder the more I heard about it. The more I thought about it, the more it felt like an excuse for something.

But was it really worth digging into?

…When the hell did I ever stop myself about something like this? I didn't stop myself from saving Cocolia. I didn't stop myself from joining the Express. I didn't stop myself from walking down Scalegorge Waterscape alone. I didn't stop myself from helping the Stellaron Hunters.

While it's true that everything I've done so far is out of self interest, it wasn't as if I was completely callous to the plight of others.

This would simply be a time where it wasn't for some sort of selfish motive.

“Can I ask you something?” I said suddenly.

Topaz arched an eyebrow and nodded. “Go ahead.”

“Is this your first time meeting with the Astral Express?”

“That's correct. I haven't met any of the members of the Astral Express prior to setting foot on Jarilo VI.” Topaz didn't seem fazed by the sudden topic change.

“So this entire tournament thing to decide certain trading rights was decided on a whim, then?”

Topaz raised her eyebrow yet again at the leap in questioning there. “‘On a whim’ isn't exactly what I would call it but it wasn't initially something that was planned to be done before I first arrived.”

“Ahh.” I made a noise of comprehension. “So you got wind of my special status as a member of the Express and also the fact that my hometown is Belobog and decided to host a special tournament to learn more about me. I see.”

There was a tiny shift in the atmosphere. “Got it in one, detective.” Topaz agreed.

…I think I should just drown myself.

Maybe I was being too self centered. Maybe Topaz simply had an unbreakable poker face. Maybe I missed the mark completely and it really was just a wacky tournament that was there for shits and giggles. Weirder stuff had happened after all.

But the vibe that I was getting was that I had nothing to do with this, at all.

Of course, basing something off ‘vibes’ wasn't my usual modus operandi but it's not like I had much else of a choice without touching her.

Oh.

“Well then. Sorry for the twenty questions but I just like making sure to dot my ‘i's and cross my ‘t's.” I held out my hand for another handshake and waited for her to take it before continuing. “I hope that we get the chance to battle in the tournament.”

She shook my hand. I didn't feel anything noteworthy from my threads that touched upon the surface of her emotions as we were in contact.

“I think I can arrange that.” Topaz shot me a wink. “Don't tell anyone though.”

“Your secret is safe with me.” I promised.

Topaz excused herself and went to talk to some masked man and a few other people who must be IPC associates. I watched her leave and waited for her to start chatting them up until I moved to greet Seele who was watching Bronya and Cocolia battle it out in the ring.

“Hey.” I said simply, saddling sidelong to Seele.

Seele was only surprised for a brief moment at seeing me. “Hey yourself.” She hip checked me.

“How is all this going?” I asked while vaguely gesturing around us.

“Fucking sucks but at least Bronya and Cocolia figured it all out.” Seele sighed.

“What did they do? I was holed up in the library when everything happened.”

“Came in out of nowhere claiming Belobog owed some huge debt before the eternal freeze even happened. Decided to check things out by forcing themselves into the mines with their goons and soldiers threatening civilians.” Seele seemed angry just from recalling it. “We were lucky no one got hurt. Stelle, March and Dan Heng helped resolve things. Apparently the squad that invaded the mines did so behind their manager's back or something. That Topaz woman.”

That lined up with what I had heard from Dan Heng.

“Damn. That must suck as the first introduction to the rest of the galaxy. I promise not everyone out there is like that.”

“It actually wasn't the first time we've met others. Just a week ago we had that masked man come with his little entourage. Said he was a sponsor of a game and heard about us rejoining the galaxy from the Express’ social media.”

I blinked.

We- We had a social media that people actually followed?

Shame on me for doubting March.

“To be clear, I had nothing to do with this.” I told Seele.

“I know. They were all posted on March's account after all. You were on her profile quite a bit. Had plenty of photos of you from the side or behind. You looked like some sort of professional model.” Seele looked me up and down. “Have you been working out? Because damn girl, it only took you twenty years to get some muscle on your scrawny ass.”

I think my brain shut down for a full five seconds upon hearing that. I made a mental note to chat with March after this.

“...I- Uh. Anyways. What did the masked guy say? Or do. Or- whatever.”

Seele looked amused at my broken composure, but sobered up to continue her story. “Dunno really but just offered us a bunch of money in exchange for getting to use the Silvermane Guard's design in the game everyone is playing right now. Bronya and Cocolia handled most of the work with some help from Serval and Pela.”

“Huh. So this tournament wasn't set up by the masked guy?”

That was odd. But… Topaz did say that was the case. If that lined up then it might be fine to say she was telling the truth about the other things.

Which meant… what, Topaz was actually on our side the entire time and wasn't lying? That I was misinterpreting her signals?

“Nope. Topaz proposed it. Said we could make and use temporary administrator accounts for this tournament. Don't know how she did it but me and Bronya have one. Cocolia declined but she has a standard account. Said anyone from Belobog that they trusted could get one too.”

I frowned. “I didn't get one.”

Seele smirked. “Shame. They scanned us and made us cool little custom avatars too.”

“They… scanned you? Like… aether scanned?”

“Mmhm. Had a big machine we stepped into. It's pretty accurate too. It cataloged a bunch of different information about us, and it knew I had an injury a few months back from when we broke out of the underground to the surface.” Seele explained, pulling up her sleeve and showing me… nothing except her toned biceps.

“Uh. There's nothing there.” I pointed out.

“Duh. It was months ago. But somehow it detected I had it. Don't think it can go back further than that because it didn't say anything about another injury a few months earlier than that.”

Hmm…?

That was… odd. It could detect injuries that had long since healed.

“They scanned you, Bronya and Cocolia?” I double checked.

“No, just me and Bronya. Said if we wanted a custom model and administrator account for this we would need to be scanned. Topaz tried to get Cocolia to agree to it but Cocolia said something about her being too old for games. Apparently not too old to participate in the tournament though.” Seele had a teasing tone when she said that. I had the feeling that Cocolia and Seele were closer than they let on. Probably the perk of dating her daughter.

I took a moment to think about what Seele said and reviewed it with everything else I knew about the case.

First and foremost was Topaz. She came from the IPC and wanted Belobog to repay the debt from before the Eternal Freeze. It clearly wasn't some top priority of the overall goals of the IPC since they only sent one representative, but from simple deduction I could imagine that Topaz holds some importance to the specific branch she was in and isn't just a regular run of the mill grunt. So she was trusted enough to complete this mission, or in this case, make her own decision regarding it, but simultaneously not important enough to be able to piss off the Astral Express without some sort of recompense.

Secondly was the Aetherium Wars game and tournament. While only a beta version of the so-called Belobog expansion, it was apparently something that had started up before the IPC made their move on Belobog, but also influenced enough by the IPC to host this tournament upon request. At first, I didn't think this had anything to do with anyone, but it was clearly pushed by Topaz for some reason.

Lastly… was a topic that I almost forgot about. It was only briefly mentioned by Dan Heng but it had two different points that left me hung up on it. The robots that were controlled by Belobog were turned against them by some master control switch, and Cocolia was able to help fend them off long enough for Himeko to help out negotiate terms.

When I thought about all this with the fact that Jarilo VI was previously a planet plagued by the Stellaron, I came to a rather simple conclusion.

Topaz wasn't here just for the debt to be repaid, but also to check up on the condition of the planet itself after the Stellaron had infested it so deeply. I think anyone could make such a conclusion without any real fuss. But once I reached that conclusion I was able to reach my next one, a secondary objective that Topaz pivoted to after she gave it a more thorough investigation. One that someone couldn't possibly reach unless they were familiar with Stellarons, or if they were on Belobog before the Eternal Freeze was lifted.

Luckily, I happened to be both of those.

I was confident in my own deductions, and just as confident in my belief that Topaz didn't think anyone else knew of her interest in a particular person.

But as the tournament started, to which I discovered my match would be the very last one of the first set, also known as the quarterfinals, I found myself wondering why I was so invested in figuring out this entire thing. It wasn't as if things weren't already resolved. Himeko had set up a nice talk. Bronya had made her decision and Topaz was willing to accept it. Everything was pointing towards a happy ending for this entire thing, but…

It just bugged me. I wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because I felt like I didn't do anything, but that didn't quite feel correct. I was more than fine with sitting back and letting the others take the front seat if there were no gains for me.

…Was that really true? My track record… wasn't quite the best in that regard. But I could have an introspection session about that particular line of thought later, for now…

I sighed. I didn't know why. And I couldn't be bothered to figure it out. The more I watched the tournament the more ideas for a team formed in my mind. I thought I had formed a relatively decent team, obviously I couldn't know until I put it into action.

When Stelle and March decided to step up to the plate and use some odd mixture of a Xianzhou and Belobog team I realized something very odd with the Belobog units. It was only a single interaction, early on to a very close match, but it involved Stelle losing her Dragonfish early and it exploding on her party, only for her Silvermane Guards to trigger a follow up attack on the enemy units as if they had been attacked.

I decided to test out the party composition, and with a bit of experimenting I found that it was actually possible to attack your own team with attacks. Just like with the one interaction with Stelle’s team, the guards actually counter-attacked the enemy in response to being attacked, even if it was from my own character.

…Probably a bug, in all honesty. I doubt the devs coded things with the foreknowledge that someone would try to make a strategy revolving around attacking your own units.

With my deck built, and a few more practice runs gone through, it was finally my turn to head into the tournament. Cocolia, Stelle and March, as well as Bronya all won their respective matches. If I were a paranoid woman I would say that the IPC goons they all fought against were probably ordered to lose on purpose.

Me? Paranoid? Did the sun on earth rise in the east? Ha!

I contemplated my options. For one, I could just ignore everything entirely and pretend nothing was happening. After all, I had nothing to do with any of this and I’m sure the Express could deal with anything thrown their way. On the other hand… if I were correct about all of this, then it actually had little to do with the Express, and everything to do with the events of Belobog a few months ago.

And that was something I couldn’t just ignore. After all, I was a key player in the events. Back when I was still testing things, making sure that I could make a tangible change in this world. Experimenting with lives, essentially, if one were to really break it down.

For someone else to play with the lives that I had a hand in changing?

No.

As I took the elevator down to the stage, to where Topaz was already in the arena, I gave her a smile.

“So! You wouldn't mind if we have a little bet, right?” I asked.

“A bet is more of my coworker’s style.” Topaz deflected.

“I promise it’s nothing big. It has nothing to do with the trading set-up. Or even really Belobog in general. Just a tiny bet between two people who just met.”

“Well now you’ve got me curious.”

“The bet is simple. If I win, and I hope we have a good game of course-” I held out my hand for her to shake. She raised an eyebrow and took it. “If I win then you stop looking into Cocolia.”

That got a spike of emotion. I could feel it through our handshake, the tangible difference in the waters of her memetic threads, a rippling that couldn’t quite be completely covered up physically. I saw her eyes narrow at me, and the entire way she regarded me seemed to change in an instant.

“...And if you lose?” Topaz was already back to her steady poke face.

“If I lose then I’ll tell you exactly what happened in Belobog during the Eternal Freeze. Start to finish. No need to ask around for that kind of stuff.”

“I could just get that information from others.”

“I have a unique perspective on Belobog history that you won’t find out of anyone else. Others are just going to refer you to a history textbook. I can make the stories come alive.” I told her confidently.

Was I bullshitting? Absolutely. But it wasn’t a lie. I could confidently say that my understanding of Belobogian history was unique and I probably had insight into certain things that no one else on this planet did, besides maybe someone old enough to witness it like Svarog.

Topaz thought for a second, our hands still clasped.

“Regardless of who wins, if you let me ask one yes or no question, consisting of you and you only, I’ll agree.”

I didn’t even need to think twice. “Deal.”

We shook hands, and went to our respective corners. There was an announcer that was yapping into their microphones, giving us some standard introduction with less enthusiasm than a wet blanket, and I summoned my monsters to the field. They appeared in a holographic flourish from my coin.

My party consisted of a Silvermane Lieutenant, a Silvermane Cannoneer, a Silvermane Soldier, and a dragonfish.

“Feeling a little patriotic with your deck, huh?” Topaz said before sending out her own team.

According to the details given to me by my phone. Her team consisted of IPC goons, such as a big chunky robot-like one, as well as two smaller grunts, finished by a version of a warp trotter taking the field.

“They forcing you to rep your work on a game or what?” I shot back.

Topaz just answered by starting off her turn by having her core monster, the big chunky robot guy, give everyone on her side a shield. I responded by doing the exact same, as well as using my cannoneer and soldier to buff my knight lieutenant.

Once I did that, it was Topaz’s turn once more, and she used her warp trotter to attack my entire lineup. It was a soft attack, likely meant to strip shields, except it also allowed my Lieutenant to get enough stacks to counterattack immediately. My knight retaliated against the warp trotter, chunking its health right off the bat.

Topaz’s other grunts fired off attacks, breaking through the shields on my cannoneer, which was quickly recovered in my next turn. Then, it was finally my dragonfish’s turn. The slow, clunky, derpy looking monster.

I fired off its attack towards my own team, much to the confusion of everyone. The commentator even thought I had made a misinput, until my Lieutenant fired off two full counterattacks onto the enemy warp trotter, which then was followed up by two attacks from my cannoneer due to its skill. Needless to say, the warp trotter was gone in the blink of an eye.

“...What?” Topaz seemed more shocked by that than anything I had thrown at her thus far.

“That’s- uh. Is that a bug? Was that intentional? That had to be? W-With one attack, to her own team no less, Zenith manages to take full advantage of her unit’s counter-attack passive and bring down one of Topaz’s core members in just the second round!” The announcer spoke.

Heh. I had realized this somewhere down the line of testing out a few teams. This wasn't Pokemon, this was Yu-gi-oh!

And what did modern Yu-gi-oh specialize in? Creating an unbreakable board if one lets them set up. It wasn't exactly the same, after all I spawned with all of my monsters on the field, but the conditions needed to achieve it were similar enough.

“Now, with the energy given to me by taking out your warp trotter, I activate the ultimate of my Silvermane Soldier, granting me five stacks of ‘morale’ onto all my monsters. Afterwards, I'm going to use the ultimate of my Silvermane Cannoneer, action advancing my Lieutenant to the top of the list! Then, with my newly buffed and advanced Lieutenant, I'm going to attack your core member, the Senior Staff! With the extra stack provided to me by taking out your shield, as well as using the extra performance points given to me, I'm going to activate the Ultimate of my Lieutenant, granting everyone a replenished shield as well as action advancing everyone on my team except the Lieutenant by 30%. With this action advance I'm going to use my dragonfish which is now at the top of the list to attack my own team, granting me four stacks and allowing me to activate the counterattack twice on my Lieutenant, targeting your Senior Staff! With the extra moral buffs, as well the attack gained from taking the performance points from your Warp trotter and Senior Staff, my Lieutenant is now doing twice the usual amount! Go my Silvermane Lieutenant, decimate her core monster!”

“...” Topaz watched helplessly as my Lieutenant abused the broken retaliate mechanics and left her core monster surviving on a sliver of HP.

“And Topaz's core monster survives within an inch of its life! Does the IPC manager have anything up her sleeve or is it game over already?!” The announcer commented.

“Not so fast! Because of my cannoneer's skill, I'm allowed to follow up all three of those attacks with another attack! Go my Silvermane Guards! Obliterate!” I cried out.

With a roar, my cannoneer fired off three shots, taking down the Senior Staff from Topaz’s side for good and leaving her with two grunts on her side.

Topaz just shook her head. “Huh. You win, I concede.”

And just as quickly as it started, did our Aetherium Wars battle end.

The two of us met back up in the middle of the arena and shook hands.

“Good game.” I said as a show of sportsmanship.

“Good game. I'll be honest, you completely fooled me with your act earlier. I wasn't expecting you to be ready to set up an alt account so seamlessly like that.” Topaz smiled at me and we shook hands. “As you wish, I'll stop looking into Cocolia. I was doing it as a precautionary measure because I detected traces of Stellaron contamination coming from her ice. But it's clearly something Belobog doesn't want looked into. So I'll drop it.”

“Thank you for respecting that.” I smiled, then said a little sheepishly. “I really am new, it's just that I've played a game like this before and noticed an odd interaction from some of the earlier matches. It's probably something that needs to be nerfed. It's way too broken right now.”

“Hmm.” Topaz hummed, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with me. “Is it alright if I ask that question right now?”

“Go ahead.” I shrugged.

“Are you a pathstrider of Nihility?” Topaz asked her question quickly.

“No.” I answered immediately.

“HmmIt's been a while since I've been wrong about these sorts of things twice in a row.” Topaz mused to herself.

“You don't have my path on file? Don't you IPC people have scanners that can figure it out?” I asked genuinely.

Topaz looked as if I had said something strange.

“It's easy to forget you've only been a part of the greater galaxy for a few months. That sort of thing isn't really possible without some sort of specialized device that is tuned for specific paths. Those are mostly used as security systems in much larger facilities.” Topaz explained to me. “The IPC has plenty of those. But you'd be hard pressed to find anyone attempting the same thing on a smaller, mobile scale. So no, we don't have your path on file. We don't have many details about you, actually.”

“Let's keep it that way.” I winked at her.

“You sure? I could get you a job at the IPC. We could use more minds like yours.” Topaz offered.

“This mind is staying with the Express for the foreseeable future.”

“Just keep my offer in mind for when we meet next. It might be sooner than you think.”

I didn't quite understand what she meant by that, but I nodded regardless. This was a topic that didn't need to be hung up on.

The next few rounds passed quickly. With the advent of my cheese strategy, it was quickly banned mid tournament. A decision I was frankly appalled by, but whatever. I lost to Cocolia immediately after, as my ragtag team had no synergy since I spent most of my time messing with my original team.

Cocolia went on to win it all, showcasing surprising competitiveness that I would have never really expected from her.

There wasn't really any prize for winning, as this was just a beta test tournament for the Belobog expansion. But it didn't stop Cocolia from looking ever so smug about it.

One of the sponsors of the game, a masked guy that introduced himself with a name that I forgot the next second, came up and personally thanked me for bringing to light some bugs and balance issues due to my team layout.

After that, everyone went their separate ways and everything was resolved. The Express would stay for a week or so to celebrate with Belobog, and to give me time to catch up with everyone.

I did so on my own leisure, talking to Bronya and Seele. Helping Natasha here and there. I even gave Pela and Lynx my updated book. They seemed a little surprised at my sudden pivot in topics compared to before, but I couldn't really do anything but shrug and said I had a change of heart.

On the second day at Belobog, I successfully convinced a certain duo of Supreme Guardian and former Supreme Guardian to lend me the original text of the journal left by the architect from before the Eternal Freeze. There was something about it that I knew I was missing, I just didn't know what.

On the third day, my second phone began to ring, thus dragging me back into the deal I made with intergalactic criminals.

Chapter Text

This might sound presumptuous, or condescending, or holier than thou, but I knew the reason for human existence. The reason that sentient life existed as a whole. And this reason extended beyond just humans, it extended to anything that could exhibit a simple, yet infinitely diverse emotion.

Creativity.

If creativity could even be counted as an emotion. Or, maybe passion works better. Being passionate is certainly an emotional state, being creative is, well, not necessarily an emotion but-

Well, you got the idea.

Creativity is humanity’s legacy. For better or for worse, it is humanity’s greatest weapon. To be creative is to grab hold of one’s life and wield it for themselves. Whether that be to paint a picture, write a novel, or even craft a working space station, all of these things are distinctly human ideals.

And yes. This meant all of humanity. From those who shine in the light, to those who slither in the dark, all the way to those who would even go so far as to mold their own unique lifeforms in an attempt to emulate humanity’s greatest weapon.

It was a sword with no equal. For even if all of humanity were to go extinct in one single blink of the eye, the creativity left behind would influence those who came after. Whether it be the next samsaric cycle of humanity, or something else entirely.

Or maybe I was wrong about this entire thing, and nothing in life means anything beyond having kids and continuing the bloodline. But fuck if I believe that.

Yesterday I dreamt of a pink elf. Maybe that’s why I’m writing this odd tangent.

Chapter 22. Walking In The Air

I often dreamed of having wings. It was a very personal thing to me, and embarrassingly enough, something that I crafted an entire novel after. I never got to finish it before I ended up in a new life, but it’s something that I’ve been slowly rewriting in my spare time. Not everyday we would do something in the Express, not everyday did I sneak away with the Hunters and discuss things, so I often found myself crafting my novel from before and fine-tuning the things I could remember off the top of my head.

It was stupid, I know, to want something as whimsical as wings of all things when I was just a regular person. It’s not like I wanted to be an animal, or have a tail, god forbid I get classified as a furry, not that there’s anything wrong with that it’s just… not accurate.

Sometimes I just wanted to wrap myself in blankets and never touch the outside world. Wings could help me with that, they could cocoon me anytime and anywhere and I could hide away until I felt like I wanted to come out. Or maybe I could simply jump up and fly away, soar over the land for hours on end until I finally felt like I could face reality again.

“Have you ever-” I started, stopping as I tried to properly articulate what I wanted to say, and continued. “-Do you ever wonder what it’s like to have wings?”

Sam looked at me, their emotions were unreadable as always, courtesy of that unchanging, cold metal helmet that they wore. For a second I thought they were going to ignore me altogether, not even bothering to give me a response, but eventually they spoke.

“Life fireflies to a flame, wings only exist to burn the person they belong to. When one has wings, they will inevitably fly too close to the sun.” Sam said.

I just scoffed, instantly regretting even bothering to speak up to this person. I wasn’t quite sure what was wrong between us, but we had never gotten along. At first I was sure it was just because they were the one to kidnap and knock me out. But the more I spoke to them, the more I found myself questioning why I bothered.

It wasn’t that they were saying anything wrong. I had asked a question, I had gotten a response. It wasn’t even a response that I hadn’t heard before. The tale of Icarus has served as a cautionary tale since ancient Greece.

But for some reason, I just felt like I couldn’t accept such an answer from Sam.

“Hypocrite.” I muttered.

I knew for a fact that they heard me, even if there wasn’t any indication that they did, I knew. Why? Why were they a hypocrite? I wasn’t sure, but I knew. I just knew. That they were like me. That Sam and I were cut from the same cloth.

I just couldn’t explain it.

Maybe I was just becoming jaded. I really hoped it wasn’t that.

After all, no one ever spoke about flying too close to the ocean.

“You know, I don't think there was anything that specifically said you shouldn't visit her if you just missed her.”

“...”

“I don't know why I keep calling you either. Maybe I just want to talk about your love life.”

“...”

“Are we not close enough to joke around like that?”

“...”

“That was also a joke. I heard that snort. Your poker face isn't as good as you think it is.”

“...”

“Ok, yes. I did just guess and I know you're super busy or whatever. When are you coming back? I need your help with something.”

“...”

“Alright. I'll see you then. I'll make sure to give her hugs and kisses in your absence. THAT WAS A JOKE! Don't kill me in my sleep. Bye for real.”

Sneaking away to visit the Stellaron Hunters was surprisingly a lot easier than I initially thought it was. Most of that was thanks to Silver Wolf’s dimensional teleporting skill or whatever the hell it is. It was basically the equivalent of fast traveling but on steroids. Which was saying a lot since I technically already had the ability to fast travel, it was just tied to space anchors.

And it also didn’t seem to have a limit like space anchors did. Space anchors, for that matter, only really worked when you were within a certain distance to another. So if I were in the Astral Express and it was orbiting Belobog, I would be able to teleport to the gates of Belobog, and from there teleport around the various space anchors that had been placed on the surface and in the underground. But I couldn’t just teleport from Belobog to the Xianzhou without any in-between.

The reason I didn’t just teleport around everywhere when I was in Belobog for the festival was that there weren’t actually a lot of space anchors to begin with, and actually using them drained a decent chunk of energy from you.

I wasn’t actually sure of the process to create more space anchors, but apparently it had everything to do with the trailblaze path and it was tied to the same energy that fueled the Express. This meant that whenever someone wanted to create a space anchor, they needed to keep in mind to not create too many lest we end up out of fuel and are stuck stranded in space.

That would suck.

Luckily, space anchors seemed to be functionally permanent from what I’ve observed, as the space anchor set outside Belobog in the wilderness was obviously not set up by us. If we happen to run into space anchors on other worlds it shouldn’t matter if they were set up yesterday or a millenia ago, as they should still hold up.

That being said, the entire reason Silver Wolf’s reality hacking teleportation skill was so mind boggling was that it removed the need for space anchors entirely. As long as she had the coordinates (of what, I had no idea) between two points she could create a doorway to it. Zenith’s phone, which still had no SIM card or anything of the sorts, seemed to serve as a beacon. This meant that as long as I had it on me Silver Wolf was able to pin-point my location.

God forbid I get a stalker in this universe because not knowing if someone was going to randomly teleport to your location out of nowhere would scare me to death. Luckily it seemed to be a Silver Wolf exclusive thing.

“Not a single person in the rest of the universe has the skills to do what I’m doing here.” As she so eloquently put it when I asked.

What this ended up meaning is that in the week that we made a not-quite pit-stop at Jarilo VI, I had multiple visits to wherever the Stellaron Hunter base is when I had free time.

I found out then that rarely were all the Stellaron Hunters there at the same time. In fact, the only time every single person was there was in our initial encounter during my kidnapping. Most of the time I spent talking to Silver Wolf who was there the most often. And secondly I talked to Blade quite frequently too.

Blade was a good teacher, even if I was hopelessly pathetic in any sort of combat, he at least was teaching me the basics of defense. This actually overlapped with my semi-regular lessons with Dan Heng who was teaching me how to use a weapon. But on top of the CQC lessons, Blade also let me refine my Remembrance skills using him as a patient.

He was surprisingly well versed in this sort of thing. Memories were like reaching into a sea of string with nothing but touch to sense which memory I was pulling, but Blade somehow knew how to filter them on his own, to sort and categorize them by emotion.

Memories that made someone happy felt different from ones that made someone angry. It was a subtle difference, one that I couldn’t quite yet tell how to identify, but tangible enough for me to notice that it was certainly there.

Despite all my talk, I still only had about a handful of times that I got to talk to Silver Wolf and Blade. Sam was even less so, and Kafka?

I hadn’t talked to her face to face since she left the Xianzhou.

Not even mentioning the supposed mystical Elio whom I hadn’t even heard from them once.

It was a little frustrating considering I was struggling with something that I believed Kafka in particular could help me with.

“Hey.” Silver Wolf said as I clobbered her in a Mario Kart rip-off.

“Hmm?”

“When you end up going to the space station, can you try and find out what Herta has hidden underneath her bed?”

I frowned. “How did you know we were going to Herta's space station?”

“The script-”

“It's not the script.” I refused to believe there would be a script for a simple space station visit.

Silver Wolf made a face as if she had tasted something sour. She must have been annoyed that I called her bluff. “I have your phone tapped.” The Hacker nonchalantly said.

“Hey!” I stood up. “That's an invasion of privacy!”

I wasn't even really surprised honestly, but I was peeved about the privacy thing. My texts were mine and mine alone. I did not need others peeping in.

Silver Wolf just rolled her eyes. “I know. I have it set up so it only notifies me if you're talking about Herta in the group chat. Everything else is silent. I promise.”

“Yeah I can definitely trust the person who tapped my phone that she isn't listening in on anything else.” I huffed.

“I'm not sorry to say this but you honestly don't have anything else worth snooping on. Your cringy half flirting texts are not noteworthy.” Silver Wolf said as if she didn’t completely destroy my self esteem in doing so.

“It’s not flirting!” I instinctively denied. Wait. That wasn’t the problem here. “You did look! I knew it! God damnit I can’t believe you looked!”

I stamped my foot in anger. Silver Wolf grimaced at my scowl.

“It was just a tiny peek. I didn’t look at your history or anything. I just happened to see the last couple of texts for a few contacts before I properly set up the filter.” Silver Wolf raised her hands in surrender. “Also, ‘I’d love to have coffee with you Himeko ^w^’ isn’t flirting?”

Somehow she managed to create a holographic ‘^w^’ in mid air with a simple snap of her fingers. The emoticon stared back at me, mocking me and my cringe inducing texting patterns. No matter what anyone said, I was not flirting.

Even if I was, it wasn’t like I was very successful about it. Himeko? Just a stunning, gorgeous friend. Natasha? Definitely didn’t see me as anything more than a close friend and assistant. Serval? We barely talked. Yukong? Wonderful conversationalist but any attempt at being more was met with a stone wall.

Wait. Did I have a thing for older women? Not that it mattered, I wasn’t planning on staying in this universe long enough to develop a relationship like that. I hoped, at least.

“...” I glared at her, simmering in my breached privacy induced rage. “I’m leaving, take me back. I have to plan for my next trip.”

“Whoa, wait! I’m sorry. I really do have something I want you to do for me. It’s a favor, I’ll owe you one.”

I took a deep breath. A favor from someone like Silver Wolf could come in handy down the line. “Fine, whatever. Tell me what you need.”

“I could technically do this myself, but hacking into the space station would alert her attention. Herta beefed up security since the last time we were there and from what I can tell is starting something special in the basement of the space station.” She swiped her hands and showed me a rudimentary holographic blueprint of the space station's lower levels.

“...So you want me to infiltrate the space station?”

“Don’t bother. If you get caught then even the Express won’t be able to save you. If you get the chance just poke around and try to figure out what’s down there. If you’re able to actually get escorted then even better, but I’m not planning around that.”

“And what if I don’t get a chance to do anything?”

“No big deal. Just means no favor for you.” Silver Wolf shrugged. “Don’t risk it for the biscuit.”

It wasn't particularly a big ask. Poke around for a few nuggets of information and if nothing came from it, then so be it. Nothing gained, nothing lost. I didn’t really have any reason not to accept. So I figured I would.

And just maybe it would serve as an excuse I could tell myself to further explore a space station. Something I’ve always wanted to do.

“Fine. But before that you need to stop snooping in my texts.” I said.

“Sure. I wasn’t doing that anyways besides that one thing I mentioned.”

“Alright then. Guess we have a deal. Beam me up Wolfie.”

Silver Wolf gave me a confused look but did as requested. Before I could finish saying peanut butter I was back in my apartment on Belobog. I tucked in for the night and fell asleep surprisingly quickly.

By noon the next day I was holed back up in the Express after saying goodbye to my Belobogian friends yet again, and an hour or so later we were parked at the Space Station.

Despite the fact that this was my fourth or fifth time doing hyperspace warp jumping or whatever the correct technical term was, it didn’t make it any easier. The feeling of being squeezed into a tiny ball and then expanded back to normal gave me the exact same sensation as being stuck on a long winding road for hours.

I not-so-discreetly stumbled my way back to my room and downed a few space enhanced antacids that worked in seconds and felt mostly back to normal by the time we were ready to open the doors of the Express and step onto the space station.

“So this is your first time on the Space Station.” Stelle said, more than asked.

“Yeah. It’s simultaneously exactly what I expected and also completely different.” I nodded.

I was already familiar with the Space Station courtesy of it being the introductory level in Honkai Star Rail, but like everything that came with my foreknowledge, it carried an entirely different atmosphere when seen in real life.

For one, it was Big, with a capital B and italics and everything. The railway platform was standard-size, meaning any regular train that one would find at say, Caltrain or Amtrak would probably fit. The thing that was different was the walkways after that. If I cloned myself and stood side by side I could probably fit at least fifteen or twenty clones.

Secondly, it was open. Very open. This might seem to overlap with the Big part, but there was a noticeable difference. Something like an aquarium can be big but not open. You’d often see tight tunnels or walkways to make way for all the different sea life. A stadium on the other hand is big and open.

Herta’s Space Station reminded me of a stadium. With every walkway there was an entire open area that you could gaze up into the stars from. Some of it even felt as if there were no safety precautions being taken, as if I stepped off the walkway I could tumble out into the galaxy, continuing into oblivion.

“I kinda get what you mean.” Stelle smiled softly.

I was momentarily dazzled by the sight of her smile, then mentally smacked some sense into myself. She was taken, and I was unavailable.

Or maybe she wasn't taken but whatever she had going on with Kafka sure as hell meant she wasn't available. Neither of us was available. Nobody in this universe was available. I swear everyone had their own lesbian situationships that they had to take care of.

I took a deep breath, my thoughts were all over the place.

“So uh, what’s the whole deal with the simulated universe thing that Herta wanted to talk to you about?” I decided to ask.

I was intensely curious about it, but hadn’t really gotten around to asking since it came up in a group setting.

“It’s kind of like a game, but feels nearly identical to real life. You can choose different paths and upgrades to them, almost as if you’re a part of the path itself. It’s a little cool to be able to swap paths so freely.” She explained. “And it’s mostly about meeting one of the investors.”

“You can already swap paths though.” I pointed out. “That’s not exactly something I’ve seen others do.”

Stelle was silent for a few moments. It was difficult to decipher much of her facial expression considering we were walking side by side, but I could see her gaze dart around and notice the emptiness of the Space Station hallway we were currently walking through.

“Yeah, I’m not sure why that is…” Stelle said. She seemed to hesitate a bit before continuing forward. “It must have something to do with my past but I can’t remember anything about it.”

“Hmm.” I made a noise, more out of the fact that I didn’t know what to say in response to that.

“Zenith.” Stelle hesitated. “...Are we ever going to talk about the Hunters-”

“Don’t.” I spoke up, interrupting her before I even realized it myself. My heart had sped up in an almost dizzying amount of time, a singular moment that had every vein rushing in anxiety as the conversation quickly steered into a place I was not comfortable with. “Don’t you think this isn’t the place to talk about that?”

Stelle licked her lips nervously. “...Yeah, you’re right. Maybe back on the Express.”

She was silent for the rest of the trip up until meeting Asta and a Herta doll. I introduced myself to the lead astronomer of the space station, as well as the sentient doll-like creation. I wasn't sure if it actually routed things back to the original Herta instantly or if it somehow summarized important information, but I wasn't about to ask.

“Hello! I'm Zenith, a new member of the Astral Express, and you're Asta, correct?” I said, forcing myself to be a bit more perky than usual due to the lingering awkwardness between Stelle and I. “Which must mean that you are Herta, the Genius Society member.”

“Finally someone recognizes my genius at first sight.” Herta’s mini doll puffed out in pride.

Asta was someone I remembered well from Star Rail’s introduction, mostly due to the fact that there wasn’t all that much that was revealed about the girl. What I could say was that the game did not give any credit where credit was due. Asta’s hair might have been a salmon pink, but it was a vibrant salmon pink in real life.

Of course, that had nothing to do with everything else about her. Asta was a rather vibrant person overall, and the intelligent gleam couldn't be missed even in a mundane conversation like this.

"Nice to meet you Zenith!" Asta smiled at me. "It's wonderful to see you again, Stelle."

"Hi Asta. It's been a while." Stelle smiled. It seemed most of her awkward mood from before had been dispelled at the interaction. "Got anything you need from me, Herta?"

"Not personally." Herta shrugged. "A collaborator of the Simulated Universe project would like to meet you. She's here on the space station somewhere."

"Is it Ruan Mei?" Stelle asked.

"Yes, she's likely doing her best to avoid talking to any researchers that are fans of hers. She has quite a bit."

I remembered the name Ruan Mei from the game. She had a card in the Simulated Universe, but nothing else was talked about when I played. She was a genius society member, but that was something anyone could connect just from knowing she was a collaborator of the Simulated Universe.

"Hmm. I guess I should go meet her, then. Any idea where she is?" Stelle asked.

"There was some talk about seeing her in the Supply Zone." Asta piped up.

"She's checking out the Astral Express." Herta said confidently.

I blinked. "Did we miss her?"

"She probably didn't want anyone to see her, she can be quite elusive if she so chooses."

"Should we go back and look for her?" Stelle asked me.

I was silent for a second before responding. "Seems like Ruan Mei only cares about you, Stelle." I didn't directly answer her question. A part of me still wanted to avoid being alone with her, just until I figured out what exactly I wanted to say regarding the Stellaron Hunters.

Stelle was quite socially aware, so it was likely that she picked up my intention. "Yeah. I guess-"

"Why don't I just take you two along with me to see her?" Asta spoke up, interrupting Stelle.

Both of us froze as we turned towards the lead researcher of the space station.

"Uh- I don't want to impose." I forced out.

"You're not!" Asta smiled.

"Asta… aren't you busy with all the preparations for welcoming Ruan Mei?" Stelle asked.

"Nope. She's been here before and she doesn't like the fanfare anyways. Honestly most of the reason people get abuzz when she comes to visit is because she's really beautiful. Most of the women on the station end up getting distracted." Asta told us.

I coughed to cover up my laugh. That was far more relatable than I ever expected.

"True enough." Herta spoke. "Ruan Mei's beauty surpasses even my own. However those who only appreciate her for that will never understand that the true beauty is her brain."

I squinted at the Herta doll. It might not have been Herta herself, but it was definitely modeled after her. I was beginning to suspect that Herta and Ruan Mei might have more than just a working relationship between the two.

They were definitely roommates of some sort…

"Right. I suppose I'll take up your offer then, Asta." I acquiesced.

"…I will as well." Stelle agreed.

"Wonderful." Asta clapped her hands together once. "Let's get a move on, then."

Asta led the both of us back the way we came. We passed by a few of the same people we saw before, and quite a few of them were on their phones, looking at something. If I were to guess, it was probably a picture of Ruan Mei. It reminded me of when a celebrity was in town and everyone was on their phone trying to figure out where they were.

Weird, and honestly not my thing.

Asta narrated the various parts of the space station to me as we moved along it, as well as the various things they were trying to accomplish. It was pretty interesting and if I had more time I would have paid for a premium tour of everything, this sort of stuff could keep me interested for hours. Unfortunately there was only so much road to travel, and we made it back to the Express before long.

Asta pointed out a woman with black-brown hair that had a single streak of blue running through it. Her hair was in a bun that was held together by what looked to be DNA hair-pins. And yes, she was stunningly attractive.

"That's her, now don't be afraid and go introduce yourselves!" Asta smiled at us.

I looked at Stelle. She looked at me. Two socially awkward women going up to a gorgeous genius scientist and introducing themselves? Asta had to be joking.

Like… what if she wanted my blood or something? I'd probably give it to her even if it isn't a good idea.

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, neither of us had to do anything. Ruan Mei noticed us and approached us herself.

I looked to Asta for guidance, only to find her fast walking away.

What? Why was she retreating? Was Ruan Mei that scary?

To my shock, when Ruan Mei reached us the first thing she did was reach out and grab Stelle's face with one hand, running two of her fingers up and down her neck. I watched as Stelle went completely still, her eyes wide in surprise like a deer in headlights.

I wasn't much better, I could only watch as Ruan Mei turned her sights to me and did the exact same thing. Her hand was cold and sent a shiver down my spine when she placed two fingers right on the pulse of my neck. It wasn't intimate by any means, but clinical. I felt distinctly unlike a person, but rather an object to be observed and evaluated.

"You're not who I'm looking for." Ruan Mei declared. Those turquoise eyes stared directly into mine as she said that. "But you're interesting. Go back to Herta, she'll know what to do with you."

"W-What?" I sputtered out, but Ruan Mei had already turned around and was speaking to Stelle.

"You're Stelle. I've heard many things about you. Would you like some cake?" She said, producing a piece of confectionary from a DNA looking flash of light.

I blinked, did everyone just have spatial storage or what?

Stelle moved to turn to look at me, but Ruan Mei grasped her chin in one hand and turned her face back so they were making eye contact once more. "She has a prior engagement with Herta. Don't delay her."

I did??? Since when???

"Uh. It's alright Stelle. I'm just gonna… go." I said, before stepping away.

Stelle was able to shoot me a desperate look before being force fed a piece of cake. I silently apologized for leaving her to the whims of a mad scientist, but I was fairly certain nothing bad would happen to her. After all, we were on the Space Station.

…What's the worst that could happen?

I was making my way back from the Astral Express to the Master Control Zone for the second time in thirty minutes. I passed by the same open walkways and corridors as before. I didn't pay much attention to my surroundings, mostly trying my best to decipher whatever Ruan Mei said to me.

As I passed through another doorway, I noticed a mirror right next to the entrance. I saw myself for a split second before I passed it.

After all, I was literally just talking to a Herta doll right before being escorted to Ruan Mei, what could have possibly changed in the span of now and then?

I passed by two mirrors as I entered yet another corridor. I looked disgruntled.

I sighed. It didn't really matter. The explanations from Asta were interesting, and if I could ask her to be a guide for a more in-depth tour through the Space Station that would be nice. I could probably figure out what Silver Wolf wanted from me that way too.

If Herta wanted to talk to me about Belobog, that I could understand, but I sort of doubt she had any interest in that sort of thing.

I moved into another similar looking corridor. It had three mirrors in it.

Was it possible to get Silver Wolf to send me the blueprint she had of the spaceship? She showed me a vague blueprint of the lower levels that I was apparently supposed to find a way to get into, but knowing the layout of the topside was pretty important too.

The doors behind me shut. There were four mirrors.

I huffed a bit as I was starting to get tired of walking. I could have sworn the way back was not this long. I stopped, looked back and took out my phone.

It flickered on for a second before the screen flashed into darkness. It was dead.

Weird, I could have sworn I charged it.

I continued a march forward, entering yet another corridor. It had five mirrors. I glanced into one, saw nothing and took another few steps before stopping.

…That was… weird.

I backed up to the five mirrors that decorated the entrance to the corridor and looked into them again. I didn't see myself.

I could see the other bits of corridor, and the other mirrors that were reflected across the corridor. The two of them reflected into infinity before becoming so infinitesimally small that I couldn't perceive them anymore.

My heart rate suddenly sped up as my anxiety spiked. Things were becoming much too weird for comfort.

I didn't feel like attempting to go forward anymore, so instead I doubled back in hopes that maybe I could go back to the supply zone and just chill on the Astral Express instead of whatever the fuck this is.

I entered a new corridor. Six mirrors awaited me.

That shouldn't be possible. I just came this way and there were only four in this corridor.

I turned back around and entered a new corridor. Seven mirrors stared at me.

I stopped everything I was doing and just stood there. Somebody was messing with me. I tried to recall the exact path I had taken to get here, and nothing should have been wrong with it. I made the exact same turns as when I was with Stelle, and when coming with Asta our last few turns before meeting Ruan Mei was exactly the same.

The mirrors were surely a key point. I stared into them, attempting to locate whatever it was that caused me to become invisible. I wasn't invisible in reality, I could still look down and see my own body, wiggle my own hands in front of my face and see them. But in the mirror? Nothing.

Was there anything I knew about that could cause such a thing? It didn't seem possible within the laws of physics for a corridor to just change like this. Even with the introduction of paths and what-not, this universe still had to cohere to them.

Unless…

Well, what could be similar enough to reality, yet isn't? Something that could change a corridor I just entered to create an additional mirror that wasn't there just five seconds ago? That was too quick for any conventional means. Even if there were hidden panels in the walls and they flipped, the time I took between jumping between this corridor and the next one simply wasn't fast enough unless it was instant.

"…Am I in a dream?" I spoke out loud.

The lights in the corridor went out with a loud thud. A second later, they turned back on.

I was no longer in the corridor, and I was surrounded by mirrors. The number of mirrors now present must have bordered in the twenties.

"Slow to notice, but quick to pick up on the situation once noticed." A voice spoke. It was… feminine, and seemed to echo all throughout the new area I found myself in. It was very familiar.

In fact, I had heard it here, on this space station. That slightly nasally pitch, and arrogant tone couldn't have been mistaken for anyone else.

"Herta…? Why are we… here?" I asked.

Something moved in one of the mirrors. By the time I had turned to face it, whatever it was had disappeared, only for my peripheral to catch the sight of yet another movement. This time, it moved from mirror to mirror, like it was jumping between them.

I laughed nervously. "Listen, Herta. Ruan Mei said you wanted me for something. I'm a fan of dramatics, I used to do a lot of theatre myself, but I'd at least like a little insight as to what's going on."

I got no response. I counted to twenty in my head before I decided to make use of my powers. If I was in a dream, there was a good chance I could manipulate it to some extent, or even wake myself up. I knew that the path of Remembrance had some leverage over this sort of thing.

The threads of memories inside me rippled for a second as I concentrated, if I could just tap into the memetic energy of the environment I could maybe-

"Ah, there it is. You think you can escape, little memokeeper? I don't appreciate the garden sticking their noses into my business."

W-What? Memokeeper? I wasn't a memokeeper-

Wait.

She… knew. She knew that I was a pathstrider of remembrance. Something that I hadn't even told the Express, and she knew within the span of an hour of meeting me?

"W-Wait. This must be some sort of mistake. I'm not a memokeeper, and I'm not with the garden." I protested.

The thing in the mirror continued to circle around me. Faster and faster until it was nothing more than a blur. I found myself getting dizzy the more I tried to follow it, forcing me to close my eyes for a moment.

When I opened them, I found myself face to face with a woman. She was replicated in all twenty mirrors.

She had a lazy, unamused expression on her face. Purple irises stared me down from twenty different places at once. She looked exactly like the Herta doll from earlier, except like a fully grown adult, and she had a large poofy witch hat.

"That's a little difficult to believe, considering your body composition. But I'll give you a chance to convince me." Herta said.

What… the hell…

I hadn't even gotten a chance to do anything, and yet here I was facing down with the owner of the space station and an emanator of Nous. Could this day get any worse?

Chapter Text

Demisexuality is an odd, lonely existence. I don't think I would wish it upon anyone.

It was confusing, in every which way possible. I never understood why I liked someone, or why I didn't like someone. Or why my heart never stirred for someone that by all means should.

No one really talks about the loneliness aspect of it. The feeling that it's not that I am incapable of love altogether, but rather that I couldn't love someone until I essentially knew them inside and out. That disgusting dirty desperate feeling of wanting to like someone but my heart beating steady nonetheless. The knowledge that I could be happy with this person and make them happy in return if only my heart would reach for them.

And because my heart stayed locked in its cage, that ever present distance could never be closed in a manner that a vast majority of people would be happy with.

The fondness that I felt towards people, the uncertainty if it would ever grow towards something bigger or if it would stay as just another friend.

And then, sometimes, when I do feel that ever oppressive feeling of love. That emotion that envelops my life and dyes everything in its color. I have to reject them.

Because I'm still lucid enough to know that I wouldn't be happy with them.

Chapter 23. Henceforth.

Ice filled my veins as my thoughts accelerated into hyperspeed. The nagging question of How repeated constantly.

How did Herta know? Did something give me away? Who else knew about my pathstrider status?

I counted the possible leaks off the top of my head. The Stellaron Hunters were at the top of that list, but to think that one of them sold me out feels unbelievable. Silver Wolf was the main person of interest, but she actively disliked Herta, seeing her as a rival of sorts. The other hunters weren't worth a mention.

Who else?

Stelle. But I never explicitly said I was a pathstrider of Remembrance to her. Certainly she could make an inference, but with the topic she tried to bring up in this trip it was highly unlikely she had talked to anyone about our connection.

Lastly was the Memokeeper that called herself Messenger. However this one felt just as unlikely as the rest. Herta herself accused me of being a memokeeper and from the garden. If she had a memokeeper whispering details into her ear she wouldn't have made such an accusation.

Which means… it was unlikely anyone let it leak. I had to loop back to Silver Wolf for my next line of reasoning since the hacker actually requested me to spy on the genius society member. Was it possible for her to know my connection to Silver Wolf and by extension the Hunters?

It… had to be an inference. I'm sure she could dig up the fact that I had been kidnapped, but for anyone to get the fact that I was working with them would require a large leap in logic that needed some sort of basis that I hadn't exposed yet. This line of reasoning still didn't explain Herta's comments regarding Memokeepers and the Garden of Recollection.

Did she ask Nous? She was an emanator of Nous, after all. If she had a direct line to Aeon then all of this could be explained… except the last comment yet again. An Aeon wouldn't make a mistake like that.

This naturally led me to hone in on her comment regarding my body composition of all things. What the fuck did that even mean?

“Silence in lieu of an explanation usually means guilt, you know.” Herta commented.

I subtly swallowed a bud of nerves that had crept up. At this point I simply had to ask for clarification. I didn't think she would make a decision just from a question.

“Or it could simply mean I'm waiting for my lawyer.” I retorted. Unfortunately I didn't exactly have the luxury of such a thing when the judge, jury and executioner was in a mirror in front of me."If you're accusing me of something, I need you to be painfully clear of what you're accusing me of. I've only been a part of intergalactic travel for a few months, so sometimes I need things spelled out. After all, that's only fair, isn't it?”

Herta shrugged. "I suppose you're correct on that matter. If you were simply an unassociated, uninvited stowaway that happened to board my space station then you wouldn't be getting such generous treatment by yours truly. But since you happen to be a member of the Astral Express I'll be giving you some leniency."

I licked my dry lips. "Thank you." I said.

"Thank me? Oh you still have to convince me you're not here with ill intent. Just because you tagged along with an interest of mine doesn't mean I can't expose your espionage to the Astral Express. I'm sure they would be quite interested in hearing about how the Garden has taken an acute interest in them." The emanator chuckled.

"…But I'm not with the Garden, nor am I a memokeeper. I am willing to stake my life on that claim." I told her with confidence. "I need to know why I'm being accused of such things."

"It's really quite simple. Your body composition alerted my security systems, and Ruan Mei even double checked for me." Herta walked to the left, her reflection disappearing off the side of all twenty mirrors and reappearing from the other.

Body composition. What did that even mean?

"You have to be even more clear than that. I really have no idea what you're talking about. My body composition? Am I not a regular human or something? Like Asta? Or Stelle? Or Himeko?" I argued.

"For one, no one's body composition is quite like Stelle's. She's a unique specimen that the Stellaron Hunters modified as a container to host my Stellaron and use as a method to bring back a soul from the other side." Herta explained. "Secondly… no. You're not like Asta or Himeko at all. Certainly you do a good job of keeping it hidden. The ephemerality that most novice, or even intermediate, memokeepers display aren't present with you. But that doesn't mean I'm not able to detect it."

My words were caught in my throat, and the only thing that kept me from freaking out was years of improvisation training. What the fuck did she even mean? The more she talked, the more confused I was.

"I… really don't understand. I'm sorry. You have to explain in even simpler terms. Memokeepers from the Garden give up their mortal bodies. I clearly haven't done that." I refuted.

"A surface level explanation of what the Garden does, and one often used by them to cast an illusion over those that don't understand the intricacies of the faction. Those who believe that it's possible to give up your worldly body with the snap of a finger simply haven't bothered to look beyond what is explained. It takes time to convert a mortal body to a memetic entity, and they use that time to train new memokeepers to control their power. You, clearly, have learned well, but aren't far along with your memetic body." Herta smirked at the end. "Not that it would have done you much good. My security system can detect even the most experienced and elusive memetic entities."

My head spun as I tried to take in what Herta said. Everything I knew said that the Memokeepers gave up their mortal bodies, and while it seemed that was technically correct, I never bothered to think about how the Garden recruits new members. To shed your mortal body upon simply accepting the invitation? That sounded like something only an Aeon could do, and I very much doubted Fuli was a particularly active Aeon regarding that.

But… that still didn't explain anything. Herta was implying that I had a memetic body, at least to some degree. Was that… possible? Wouldn't I have noticed it if I had it?

Maybe not. Just because I had a much better grasp over my powers didn't mean I was skilled in detection. If I was doing something subconsciously, would I even be able to recognize that I was doing it?

This felt like something that connected with Zenith. She must have done something to my body when we swapped places. Or maybe the process of swapping contaminated my body with memetic energy.

"I'm not a Memokeeper. And I'm not from the Garden. As for why my body has memetic energy. I don't know, I don't have a conclusive answer to that." I repeated yet again. "My name is Zenith Nightshade. I'm from Jarilo VI, also known as Belobog. I'm good with technology, and I'd like to consider myself a strategist. You can check this with anyone from the Express, they can all back up my story."

"I'm sure they could." Herta waved off my explanation. "But that doesn't make a difference. To those inexperienced with memokeepers they wouldn't be able to tell you're any different."

I couldn't think of another rebuttal, and it seemed like Herta had picked up on that fact since she spoke again.

"Give up? You're quite long winded. If that's all then I'll deal with you quickly and then get back to working on a project."

"Wait." I spoke. My voice projected through the mirror filled round the room.

Fine. She was an emanator of Nous. Hubris was probably just something that came with the fact that she was incredibly smart. It was in her nature to be inquisitive, and curious. Otherwise why would Nous have appointed her an Emanator? To seek answers to the ever growing infinite spiral of questions.

If the truth didn't work… then I had to convince her of something else. That what she saw was something else completely. Even then, I wouldn't lie. I just had to be… vague.

"Yes…?" Herta seemed a bit impatient.

I took a deep breath. This was going to be the first time I had actually said this out loud. But if I played my cards right, I could get out of this and also have another mind to pick regarding this topic. To put all my eggs in the Stellaron Hunters basket? It was never something I intended to do in the first place, but this… could be an opportunity.

I just had to be selective about what I shared.

"I'm not a memokeeper, but I might have an explanation for my memetic body. I can't say for certain, but I'm sure you'll be interested in hearing it." I told her.

Herta simply raised an eyebrow. She didn't look the slightest bit interested.

"I have memories of a different life. Even though I was born on Belobog, and it's all I've known, I can clearly remember an entirely different life in an entirely different world. I've known this even before the Astral Express visited." I told her.

Herta's eyes narrowed at me. "Continue." She ordered.

Continue? Continue what? Talking about Earth? I was being vague on purpose!

"…My parents were nice. My mother worked as a microbiologist who studied different types of soap. My father worked as a security manager for a company that made artificial heart valves. I-" I took a breath to give myself a second to think about what I was going to say next. "I don't have parents on Belobog. And Belobog doesn't have airplanes that fly through the sky. Belobog doesn't have a sun that shines brightly year-round. Belobog doesn't have a spring, summer or fall, just one never ending winter."

The more I recalled Earth, the more things started to flow out unintentionally.

"I remember visiting a beach in Hawaii. The sand was black sand rather than a smooth yellow grain. Stepping on it barefoot felt like I was constantly on a tightrope, trying my best to avoid slipping even if it wasn't wet. The ocean was an aquamarine color compared, it wasn't blue like most other beaches. It was the last beach that my grandfather took me to before he passed away."

"I remember my high school graduation. Nobody enjoyed it, and the mood was all doom and gloom. There were supposed to be ninety-seven graduates. I had a small class compared to most other high schools in the area, but since a week prior there were only ninety-six. I had to give a speech because I was the next-in-line valedictorian. No one was interested in what I was going to say because everyone was throwing themselves a pity party, so I threw out the old script that I had written and improvised an entirely new one on the spot. People listened, and they felt better, even if just for that day."

"I remember knowing that my best friend fell in love with me, and had been in love with me for years. I rejected her right before we graduated College. Because she had everything going for her but still decided that I was worth it over everything else. I couldn't be with someone like that, and I shut her down and left her sobbing in her own apartment. I remember feeling nothing, because at the end of the day I had done nothing wrong."

I took a deep breath. The ice in my veins that helped me keep my composure felt colder than it had ever before. It was like my entire body had become numb, and recounting my past really felt like a life that didn't belong to me.

"I recall all these memories, and yet, here I am. A passenger of a train that travels the galaxy. With a goal so unclear that I can't even make out the first thing I need to do to achieve it."

I shrugged. My story might have been completely true, but it was leaving out essential, key information that was ultimately useless and served as nothing but context.

If Herta knew about the existence of Honkai Star Rail, how would she react? Would she obliterate me from existence? Or would she try to find a way to extract all the information I had? Maybe she wouldn't care. I don't know the emanator nearly enough to make a guess.

My extended silence was enough to signal the end of my story, and as such Herta spoke up.

"Interesting." Herta mused.

“...So?” I prodded.

Herta continued to stare at me for a few more seconds before she shrugged. “Sure. I'll believe you.”

I sighed in relief. “Great.”

“But- I'll need you to deposit a memory of this other life so I can study it.” Herta spoke up, bursting my bubble, before bringing out… a bubble.

I knew what it was, it was a memory bubble. There were quite a few around the space station. They were concentrations of memoria that contained traces of consciousness from someone's memory. It essentially allowed someone to revisit a memory that had been deposited into it.

No wonder Herta was able to detect memetic material. She had probably extensively studied memory bubbles, memetic material and memoria as a whole with how easily she was able to control the bubble. Anyone unfamiliar with it would probably feel sick if they attempted to do anything except view the stored memory.

I started pulling on a memory string, only to stop and glance at Herta. When she showed no reaction I continued until it was tangible with the world. I used the memory of the beach and inserted it into the bubble by cupping it and slowly feeding it my thread.

“Interesting technique.” Herta commented. “Just so you know, if you try any funny business such as contaminating this dream, I have access to your real body. You might be part memetic material but you still have a real body that keeps you tethered.”

“I won't. At this point I'm hoping you might have some answers for why I'm like this.” I revealed a tiny bit of my intentions.

Herta didn't answer, instead the entire room flipped on its head. Gravity seemed to change, and what used to be the floor was now the ceiling. I panicked as I fell, closing my eyes and bracing myself for impact with the floor.

Except, with what should have been an uncomfortable and painful collision was instead a soft, warm cushion with a grain-like substance.

“Nice landing. I thought you were supposed to be good at controlling memories?” Herta jabbed.

I opened my eyes to the sight of a beach and pushed myself up. It was the exact same one that I had gone to in the past. Everything was perfectly replicated, even to the feeling of the slipperiness of the sand beneath my feet.

Looking down let me see that I was wearing the exact same clothing that I had many years ago. I had a sun shirt over my frilly two piece.

"Weren't you the one who told me not to try any funny business?" I complained.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean you should eat dirt." Herta said.

Her voice sounded different, no longer like an echo that reverberated around the room and transmitted directly into my skull, but more like an actual physical voice. I turned to my left, where the sound was coming from, and found myself face to face with Herta in a purple one piece swimsuit.

She even had sunglasses on, a surfboard in her left hand and a tropical drink in her right. Despite this, she still had her big poofy hat on.

"I…" I aborted my thought and decided it was probably better for my sanity to just move on. The mind of an emanator, especially a genius society emanator, was not something that could be easily understood. "So what exactly are you looking for with this memory?"

Herta didn't respond to me, instead she took a big sip of her drink and tossed the entire glass out. It shattered into nothingness the second it left her hands.

"Quite the vivid memory." Herta commented, crouching down and scooping up some black sand in her free hand. "It's almost like I'm here myself. This level of vividness can't be faked, and there's no signs of manipulation either."

"So you believe me."

"I already said that, didn't I?" Herta waved me off. "Still, this quality shouldn't be possible even for a remembrance pathstrider. Especially if you didn't embrace your abilities until much later in your life. This goes doubly if this memory isn't even of this life. Got anything else you want to share with me? We're not leaving until I find out why that is."

It was a threat, but it didn't necessarily sound malicious. It was more like that innate curiosity that came with being a scientist was revealing itself.

I scratched my cheek. I already knew the answer to this one.

"Once I met Fuli, I gained a sort of eidetic memory. I can recall past events perfectly." I told her.

Herta went silent, and then turned towards me. Her eyes squinted as if she were trying to decipher what I was saying.

"You met Fuli, the Aeon of Remembrance, the one that the Garden of Recollection attempt to carve themselves in THEIR image, and didn't think that was important to mention in our earlier conversation?" Herta deadpanned.

I opened my mouth for a rebuttal, but the way Herta worded it I didn't really have anything to say.

"I… yeah. No. I didn't think about that." I said lamely.

Herta stared at me as if I were stupid. She sighed, and snapped her fingers. Everything reverted back to normal and the memory of the beach disappeared in a blink. I was back in the same room that previously held the mirrors, but this time it had only a single one. Herta was standing in it.

"I have just contacted Himeko, and she's confirmed that the Express met Fuli in the Xianzhou Luofu while fighting Phantylia." Herta said. "As for you, if everything you have said so far is true, then I have a simple theory as to why your body is part memetic material, and why you have memories from another life."

I nodded, and listened intently. Whatever she said was very likely to be incredibly valuable.

"Let's start off with Fuli. The first thing you need to know is that Aeons are not bound by the same dimensions that us mortals are. Not all of them take advantage of this fact, or even have the ability to take advantage. Aeons such as Nanook or Nous simply have no method to make use of this, but Fuli can. In layman's terms, this means that THEIR powers affect time." Herta lectured.

"Time- What? Like fucking time travel?" I asked, genuine surprise coating my words.

"No. Well, yes. But no. It affects time in only the abstract, this means that rather than being in one singular point in time like us mortals are, Fuli is in all points of time simultaneously. This doesn't mean THEY are everywhere, but simply that THEY are part of the river of time, rather than a passenger of it."

I licked my lips. This was simple enough to understand. I remember many a debate regarding this exact topic and whether or not people considered the fourth dimension to be time, and what exactly it meant to be fourth dimensional. This seemed mostly parallel to that.

"Normally, this fact means nothing to anyone. No pathstrider can really take advantage of it even if their Aeon happens to adhere to this additional dimension. This is especially true for pathstriders who are more physical with their abilities. For you, on the other hand…"

Herta narrowed her eyes at me, as if assessing some internal measurement regarding me.

"What?" I asked.

"You are dangerous." Herta said simply.

I stiffened. I remember this exact same thing being told to me by a Memokeeper when I initially boarded the Express.

"What?" I repeated. "Why? I didn't even do anything!"

"You're wrong. I've been around long enough to spot someone who has tampered the natural laws. It wasn't obvious at first, but with everything revealed it's the only conclusion. This explains your memetic body, and your memories from another life."

Natural laws… what? I…

No… Stelle? Because I… tampered with Stelle's memory back on the Xianzhou?

"I-I didn't know." I stammered out.

Herta shook her head with a sigh. "I'm aware. And that is why you're going to leave here alive. I'll explain the rest for you. Someone who tampers with the natural law are all punished in some way, and every time is unique. True documentation of this is rare, as even if one were to go out of their way to do so it would still be extremely difficult to achieve. Unfortunately for you, I know someone in this very space station who could fulfill this criteria."

I swallowed a bundle of nerves. "Stelle." I said simply.

Herta nodded. "In layman's terms, you tampered with the natural law which eroded your body to a small degree. Truthfully you're still quite intact. I would estimate you're eighty percent real and twenty percent memetic material. Then, you bore witness to Fuli. Because Fuli and THEIR powers aren't manifested in just our dimension, but also throughout time, you are more susceptible to visions. In all likelihood, these memories you've shown me are you from another life of yours."

It was terrifying how much Herta was able to unravel with just a few things that I revealed. I even made sure that I never claimed these memories were from my life, but simply some life that I had memories of.

She wasn't a hundred percent accurate with that final guess, but if anyone were to figure that out without me outright telling them, then I had made a grave mistake.

"So dreams of people I can't remember meeting are all because my powers are slipping through time?"

"You should count your lucky stars, Zenith. If any more of you had been eroded away, if your body composition wasn't mostly real, then you would have been lost to time in a fate worse than any mortal death. Never, ever, mess with the natural laws again." Herta warned me.

"T-This only happened because I met Fuli, correct?" I asked.

Herta was silent, judging me yet again. "Yes. There has been one other documented case regarding this exact phenomena. They were lost to time after their body eroded past a certain ratio of memetic material. Their file has since been locked under extreme classification and security."

I went silent, stewing in my own thoughts. This entire meeting had revealed a lot, and a lot of it were things that I didn't like the sound of. If I had known… I just…

"Why… didn't I notice?"

Herta shook her head. "You have. It's just not in ways you would expect. Your memories being sharpened after meeting Fuli? That's a side effect. It might be an advantageous one, but it's a side effect nonetheless."

"So… when Nanook looked upon the battle with Phantylia, and I almost died because of it…" I trailed off, paling as I realized exactly what happened. I had even been warned of it by the Memokeeper.

"Even Nanook was a part of this battle?"

"And… I think… Aha was too. Lan shot an arrow-"

"Lan shot an ARROW? And you survived?"

I shut my mouth. "Jing Yuan said it was incredibly powered down, not even a fraction of a fraction of THEIR strength."

"…I've had enough of this talk. I need to find out what happened in that battle and figure out a few things. You're free to go, just don't do anything stupid in my space station. I kind of need it. Try not to die and if you're still alive the next time I see you I'll be asking you some questions."

Herta snapped her fingers and I found myself gasping awake on a random bench right next to the Astral Express.

Instead of exploring the space station like I might have wanted to prior to my meeting with Herta, I instead listlessly walked back to my room in the Express. Himeko expressed some concerns, and asked me what I talked about with Herta, but I told her I needed some rest.

I slumped onto my bed, curling up beneath the blankets and shivered. I wasn't cold, but a fear had taken place deep in my body. It was a fear that I hadn't felt since I thought I was going to die back on the Xianzhou.

But nothing was actively hurting me, nothing was trying to kill me. I was in the safety of my room in the Express which was probably one of the safest places to be in the Galaxy.

I was just… scared. Had I made a mistake talking to Herta about this? Was she going to talk to others? She had known I was a pathstrider of Remembrance, so what did that mean for others? Should I come clean to the Express? I still hadn't told them about my powers.

Should I tell them about who I am? What would they think about someone who was hiding who they were for months?

I had gotten arrogant. I thought that if I held the cards close to my chest I would get information without revealing too much. Instead I found myself needing to reevaluate all my actions that I've taken thus far. I needed to figure out just what I was willing to sacrifice to get back home.

I shivered again, a full body shiver that lasted for more than just a moment. When it was done, it took me a few seconds to notice that my phone was ringing. It was my real phone.

Stelle spoke to me from the other side of the call when I answered. "Zenith? Sorry for ditching you earlier. I was… killing a few bugs. Where did you end up going?" Stelle sounded tired.

I was silent for a moment, my mind trailing idly on various thoughts.

"Stelle." I said softly. "When Spring Comes."

I waited for her to finish the sentence. There was a strange feeling in my heart that I couldn't yet decipher.

"Uh… It's pollen season? Winter is over? Is this a riddle?" Stelle asked.

I sighed. "I'm on the Express, in my room. I'm gonna get some rest. Goodnight, Stelle." I hung up on her.

When Spring Comes,

Magnolias Wither.

These words, undoubtedly crafted by my own hand, echoed in my mind repeatedly.

Whatever did you mean by it, my future self?

Chapter Text

Despite the fact that I had never published a book of my own before, I've written numerous short plays. I don't necessarily consider them anything worth of note, though. Some of them were ten minute skits that were taken seriously. Some of them were purely for humor and got roaring laughter from the crowd. And some of them had moments that caused the audience to gasp in shock.

But… that aspect of me felt tainted, in a way.

Being a director was something that made me realize what I wanted wasn't something easily achievable. Most people in amateur or college theatre didn't like when the director was part of the cast. Most people didn't like it when the director was younger than them. Most didn't like it when the director upstages them because of the difference in skill.

I am… an amazing actor. I'm aware that until now it's only really been something I've said but never really put into use. But from this point onward, everything changes.

An actor can conform to their character. A good actor can pull the audience into their acting. A great actor can pull their fellow actors into their acting. And an amazing actor?

An amazing actor can warp the setting. They can change the narrative with just a single look of their eyes. Their body language will flip the meaning of a single line and amplify it to the rest of the play.

I was a little rusty admittedly, but a wake up call was never a bad thing.

Now, what did I have to do to star in an intergalactic movie?

Chapter 25. Night Sky Patrol of Tomorrow

"So I have a favor to ask-"

"No." I said flatly. "I am not doing any favors. I am not infiltrating some top secret lab. I am not getting secret blueprints. I am not fucking around, and I am not finding out."

Silver Wolf opened her mouth for a second before closing it. At the very least she looked somewhat sheepish, even if it only lasted a second before she went back to her game.

"Not even for me?" An enchanting voice whispered to me. Her breath tickled my ear, and I could faintly smell her floral perfume as she leaned over.

"For you. I might make an exception." I shot an exaggerated wink to the most elusive of all of the hunters. "But please, limit it to something feasible for little old me."

"I suppose that's doable…" Kafka sighed dramatically. "I guess you won't have to fight an emanator today."

"I'll certainly pass if that's what you're asking of me." I said dryly. "So what's up?"

"Two things. One… I'd like you to make a copy of this pin. There's a Xianzhou blacksmith that can do it for you. And secondly…" Kafka whispered her wish into my ear.

I did my best to stop the pleasant shiver that went down my spine, and the red from creeping up my face. I'd like to think I did a good job, as my response was rather level. "Sure. But you know I'll ask for two favors in return."

"As long as it's feasible for little old me."

"Heh." I breathed out a chuckle. "Don't worry. You won't have to fight anyone. I just want to learn how you use your strings. As for the second favor… I'll keep that in my back pocket and use it within two weeks, okay?"

"I suppose we have a deal, then." Kafka gave me a business smile.

"Pleasure doing business with you." I returned it back to her.

"You two love being dramatic don't you." Silver Wolf said exasperatedly.

The Xianzhou was someplace that I didn't really want to return to, but I found myself enjoying it nonetheless. Perhaps it was just because it was normal compared to places like Belobog and Herta's Space Station.

Normal was of course, relatively speaking and only meant for the present. It was most certainly not normal when there was an Emanator of Destruction on board, and not normal when four different Aeons decided to make themselves known.

But other than that, it was rather peaceful. It was especially peaceful outside in the nice sun, enjoying lunch with a certain dark teal haired Foxian and a beautiful crimson haired Astral Express member.

Yukong was a lovely woman, and our friendship felt much more like steady acquaintances. We didn't talk much, but we enjoyed each other's company. I think she appreciated the silence, and she always seemed interested in my perspective regarding cultural differences.

Himeko I was much more friendly with. While she was the real brains to the engineering of the Express, I certainly enjoyed talking shop around the more technological aspects of it and she probably liked having someone to talk to.

"I didn't know you studied technology, Zenith. You seem very well read." Yukong commented.

I scratched the back of my head. "I originally studied literature but I didn't like the people in the field. Interacting with them… always felt like they had this holier than thou attitude. So I swapped my focus to technology."

"That makes sense. Belobog is full of technological marvels despite its limited resources. I imagine you worked on your fair share of the robots there." Himeko smiled.

I crossed my arms. "Mm. I didn't build any. I'm much more interested in the network infrastructure and things along that line. As for other parts, I mostly helped out in Natasha's clinic and other Wildfire related stuff like going on supply runs." I said, recounting the things that I did.

It was a little awkward veering into this territory due to my circumstances, but everything I've said so far has been the truth.

"That's much more impressive than anything I've ever done." Yukong said.

I raised an eyebrow at that. "Aren't you literally the helm master of the entire Luofu?" I asked rhetorically.

"Yes. But I wasn't a good student at your age. The second I turned of age for adulthood I ran six red lights in a row on a Starskiff and escaped the chase. Of course, I eventually was caught, but that's how I ended up with a job. That was a very long time ago though, age has tempered me." Yukong recounted.

I blanked out for a second trying to imagine the scene. The serene, calm Yukong running red lights and escaping from the police. "You're saying that as if you're old. You have clear skin, still in great shape, and can probably bench me if you wanted to. I can't imagine you're as old as you claim."

Yukong was silent for a second. "Are you interested in being benched by me?" Yukong raised an eyebrow.

"N-No! I was just saying." I coughed, a blush rising onto my face rapidly.

Himeko chuckled. "She's fun to tease, isn't she?"

"Hey!" I protested.

"The young ones always are." Yukong agreed.

"I'm twenty-six! I'm pushing thirty!"

"I'm 246." Yukong retorted.

I froze. My mouth opened once, twice, before I settled on keeping it closed. I knew Foxians lived only some three hundred-ish years, which meant she was…

She was… fifty in human years? Foxians didn't exactly age in the same maturity cycles…

Oh my god.

…For some reason I felt my face grow a bit warmer. I needed to get a grip.

"Ahem. You're the best looking 246 year-old I've ever met." I said. "But it's not like there's a big age difference between if you converted it to human years."

Double my age felt a lot better than ten times my age, after all.

"My daughter is older than you." Yukong reminded me.

"Himeko! Invent any cool things lately?" I rapidly changed the subject.

"Hehe." Himeko giggled. "I'm in my thirties, by the way. But yes, I did! I was playing around with a suggestion you and I talked about, and think I might have accidentally created a sensor that detects supernatural fluctuations in spirit essence!"

"You created a heliobi detector?" Yukong asked.

"Yes!" Himeko looked quite proud of herself for a second. "Well, maybe. I haven't gotten the chance to test it out yet. But it should work if the samples I got last time I was here were accurate to the overarching heliobi structure!"

"…Uhm. So you made a ghost buster?" I asked. "Do you foresee yourself running into ghosts anytime soon?"

I knew what Heliobi were. Sort of. I did some preliminary research after Phantylia perished but for the most part they seemed like nuisances rather than any real threat. Phantylia seemed to be the exception.

"No. But it could never hurt to implement it if I could get it into a smaller form factor." Himeko got out her purse and pulled out a small remote looking device. It was a bit bigger than her hand and had two antenna-like objects protruding from the front of it. "If I press this button then theoretically I should be able to detect heliobi should they appear in front of me."

Himeko pointed the ghost detector at Yukong, to which there was no reaction. Then she pointed it towards me.

It started beeping loudly.

"Huh. That's weird-"

"AHHH! I'm not a ghost!" I screeched and shot up from my chair. "I promise I'm not a ghost I can prove it oh my god please don't lock me up I CAN PROVE IT!"

"Zenith there's-" Yukong started to speak.

"I'm NOT A GHOST OR ANYTHING I'M A NORMAL PERSON!"

"Zenith behind you-"

"Did Herta put you up to this??? Aren't we good friends???"

Yukong got up and reached out a hand towards me. I recoiled away, but she was faster and stronger. She softly embraced me and put her hands on my shoulders, exerting a bit of force and turning me around.

"Et tu, Yukong? What did they pay you?! I can triple it!" I said, and then blinked at what I saw. There was a small green flame hovering behind my chair. "Why is a heliobus hovering behind my chair?"

"Good question." Yukong said, and then released me.

"Huh. Good to know that my device works." Himeko commented.

"Bah! Humans! You found me!" Said a disembodied voice. It was shrill and seemed to echo in place.

"…You can talk?" I breathed out.

"Of course I can talk! I am the almighty Lazeleth! Prepare to meet your doom!"

The three of us tensed in place, ready for anything to happen. A part of me expected that we would suddenly have to fight some Anti-Matter Legion goons like we had to do with Phantylia. Instead, what we got was the so-called almighty Lazeleth expanded by about ten percent. It grew from the size of a palm to… maybe the palm and the first knuckle.

"Huh. It's a little cute." Himeko said. She had gotten up and stood beside me and Yukong.

"CUTE? The almighty Lazeleth is not CUTE!"

"A stray heliobus being downtown isn't a good sign. I'll contact Hanya." The Foxian sighed. "Just when I thought I could have a nice day off with my two off-world friends."

We waited around for a bit as the Heliobus continued saying delusions of grandeur. They reminded me very much of a chuunibyou.

"Listen. We all have those times in our life where we believe we're the main protagonist of the universe." I did my best to placate the heliobus. "But for now it's best if you don't cause any trouble. You don't seem like a bad heliobus! You're the protagonist of your own life! Do you really want to jeopardize the rest by some delinquency that'll follow you later?"

"…Yeah. You might be right." Lazeleth sighed.

Yukong and Himeko looked at each other from each side of me.

Just as the Heliobus was about to calm down, four people came walking onto the scene. I recognized two of them, even if one of them was only from my memories of the Star Rail game.

Stelle, my beloved crew member, and Sushang, a cloud knight. They were flocked by a smaller, green haired foxian and an orange haired human woman. The orange one seemed to have a phone strapped to her.

"Oh NO NOT THEM!" Lazeleth shouted.

The four musketeers seemed to notice the Heliobus, as they immediately started making their way towards us. In response, the Heliobus skittered about. Their hovering flame body moved to the left and right, as if in contemplation.

"…Uh, is something wrong?" I asked an open question.

"DON'T LET THAT HELIOBUS GET AWAY!" Stelle yelled as she ran towards us.

"GET THOSE CRAZY WOMEN AWAY FROM ME!!!" The Heliobus screeched in terror.

"…This is certainly coming to be an exciting day." Yukong commented, to which Himeko made a noise of agreement.

Just as things came to a head, and Stelle and her colorful crew of new friends all came over, the Heliobus decided to flee in the only way it knew how.

By attempting to possess me, I guess.

Everyone watched as the flickering flame sped towards me, entering my body through my torso and disappearing as it did so.

"NOOOO! ZENITH!!!" Stelle cried out.

"NOOOO! BLACK HAIRED GIRL I DON'T KNOW!" The one with orange hair shouted.

"NOOOO! INNOCENT CIVILIAN!" The one called Sushang exclaimed.

"N-Nooo! H-Human uh- girl!" The small, green haired one made an attempt.

I blinked. I felt fine. I could certainly feel a presence of some sort inside my… consciousness? But I quickly shifted the threads inside my soul and isolated it. It thrashed about for a bit before it went still.

…Uh. So what should I do now? They all seemed so dramatic, it was like an impromptu play but everyone is taking it as an 8th grade elective and has no idea that being overly dramatic became comical the more one leaned into it.

I pursed my lips as an idea went through my head.

"…HAHAHAHAHAHA!" I laughed in the most over the top fashion I could muster. "YOUR PRECIOUS FRIEND WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY EVER AGAIN AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!"

"Let her go, you fiend!" Stelle glared at me. Her hands condensed into fists, as if she were about to punch the Heliobus out of me.

…Uh, I do hope she knows that would hurt me as well.

"What did I tell you, my dear audience members? You thought all of this was a hoax? Ghosts are REAL! And Lil Gui is the one to expose them to you all!" The orange haired one spoke to her phone.

What the fuck. Was she live streaming this? …I was acting like a dumbass on livestream? At least give me a split of the revenue. My rates aren't cheap!

"Honored civilian… I will free you from this curse!" Sushang pledged, clasping her hands together in some sort of mantra.

I really, really hope she doesn't pull out her sword.

"…Uhm. I'm not getting any readings that this is caused by possession-" The green one nearly said before I interrupted her.

I mentally shook my head. The first rule of improvisation is to never shut down another actor.

"SILENCE you bickering baffoons! You stand before BEELZEBUB THE DEMON KING!"

"Wasn't the Heliobus' name Lazeleth?" I heard Yukong and Himeko chat with each other.

I ignored them.

I crossed my left hand over to my right eye, covering my right cheek and masquerading it so that my eye was visible between the gap of my thumb and index finger. Then I flared my right hip out, twisting it forward and extending my hand to be in line with it, palm facing upwards to the sky. It was almost as I was ready to begin some sort of Bizarre Adventure, starting with the geek squad in front of me.

"KNEEL BEFORE ME OR SUFFER MY WRATH. I-" My continued speech was stopped as a green flame escaped the same way it came in. It flopped onto the ground as if it was too exhausted to even keep itself hovering.

"S-S-So… cold…" It shivered. "S-S-So dark… Humans… are terrifying…"

The entire venue went quiet as we all watched the Heliobus.

"T-Take me away. Take me anywhere but here!!! Take me away from humans!!! I didn't even get a chance to do anything!!! She's scary!!!" It continued to cry out.

Everyone was frozen in the position they were in before. My mouth was half open, still mid sentence. Stelle still had her fists clenched as if she was ready to deck me. Lil Gui was watching in shock as her chat raced by. Sushang looked as if she had eaten something sour. And the green haired foxian quietly cleaned up the Heliobus and took him away.

"…I WILL BRING YOU TO YOUR KNEES AND REND YOUR SOUL FROM YOUR BODY AND ADD IT TO MY COLLECTION!" I continued after the interruption was cleaned up.

"Oh they're still going?"

"YOU MONSTER!" Stelle cried out. "EAT THIS!"

Stelle moved in close and landed a punch directly on my stomach.

"Ow FUCK Stelle that fucking hurt!" I cried out as I doubled over in pain.

"Oh shit. Sorry Zenith. Are you okay?" Stelle immediately dropped the act and kept me upright, putting a soothing hand on my back. It didn't do much to quell the pain but at least it kept me from eating dirt.

"Fuuuuuuuuck I just ate too." I groaned out as I did my best to keep myself from keeling over. My stomach felt as if it was being twisted from the inside out. I couldn't stop here though. "Y-You cowardly dastard. You win this time."

I slowly lowered myself to the ground with Stelle's help. And then glared at her when she didn't continue.

"Oh! Uh- uhm. You sure talked big for… going down in one punch?" She questioned, more than said.

"Your sneak attacks won't work next time. When the wind feels a little too cold. When you swear you hear someone over your shoulder. That will be me. Never let your guard down, for when you do, I shall be there to reap your soul." I cursed her, before curling into a ball in an attempt to numb the pain.

"Y-You can try! You foul beast!"

"I think they're done now."

"That punch looked like it hurt. Do you think Zenith is okay?"

When the peanut gallery of my two lunch dates stopped chatting and I didn't say my next words, the rest of Stelle and the squad seemed to get the hint.

"Hey! Uh… good show! Are- Are you okay?" The woman named Lil Gui said. I made the educated guess that she turned her stream off.

"Tis just a flesh wound." I waved off with a groan of pain.

"…Well yeah. You got sucker punched. What else would that be if not a flesh wound?" Sushang questioned innocently.

I sighed. No one ever understood my references. I needed to get back home, if only so that someone got my stupid pop culture quips.

Maybe I should just invent some sort of memory scanner thing and use it to broadcast every movie I've ever watched. Then force the Express and the Hunters to watch them so they finally understood.

Wait. Would that be considered plagiarism?

Damn.

Although Belobog was where my story truly started, the Xianzhou Luofu was where the wheels of fate began to turn. Once I had some free time to be alone, I was invited back to the Stellaron Hunter's campsite, and given a script with one page having things printed on it, and the rest of it blank.

In candlelight, as time unwinds

I find myself lost in your eyes

In midnight tolls, as darkness folds

I see your tears when we say goodbye

I had been given these four lines in accordance with my cooperation with Destiny's Slave and the Stellaron Hunters. I couldn't make heads or tails of them, but to me… they reminded me of a prophecy of sorts. My greatest influence as a child was a book series about gods and demigods, of a great prophecy that loomed over the protagonist until finally they were asked to make a choice.

But I knew that prophecies weren't what they seemed. I had the power to shape my own destiny, even if it may follow a predetermined road.

I wanted these peaceful days to continue onward, but I also desperately wanted to return home. I couldn't have both. When I eventually got my chance to make a choice, I was going to have to make one I wouldn't regret.

Like Fading Stardust

Part 1: Fin

Chapter Text

Interlude 1: Stelle the Star.

It was the first visit to Xianzhou Luofu that caused everything to be confusing for Stelle. Truthfully things were plenty confusing before that, but they were easier to sort out because they were much more straightforward.

She woke up on the space station with no memories, and only a vague recollection of Kafka. Stelle could work with that, not that she had much choice, but when she had to fight the Doomsday Beast there wasn't much introspection to be had besides a loud voice screaming in her mind 'Oh aeons I am going to die'.

There was a small voice that whispered 'Is that all?' when everything was settled. It took her a while to make sense of it, but she knew it had everything to do with her past shrouded in death.

Afterwards came Belobog. It was a bit more complex than just beating down a giant beast, but was solved with the efforts of the entire team and then some. There wasn't much self introspection when it came to this planet, as she was mostly just relieved that they were able to end things before it got too messy.

It was odd, though. She had the very vague feeling that it went smoother than it should have. That Cocolia, who ended up surviving due to some incredible forethought by their newest Astral Express member, should have perished in that battle.

She never got a chance to dwell on that thought while it was still fresh, though. With Zenith in tow, the Astral Express set off to another destination in just a single week after saving Belobog.

Then everything became messy, and the reason revolved around two women.

Kafka.

Stelle already knew her past was intertwined with the Hunter. She knew that there was a red thread between them, curling their destinies together in a double helix that connected each other rarely, yet still unequivocally important.

And Zenith.

The second woman was a surprise to Stelle. She had known from the start of Belobog that she was smart, but that was just her initial impression. Everything else seemed like it was a regular person who was helping out in a bad situation. It wasn't until her plan with saving Cocolia that Stelle began to think that maybe Zenith was something they were missing. A strategist of sorts.

That line of thought never really got to go far, because the next thing she knew she was face to face with both Kafka and Zenith, and it turned out they knew each other. Someway, somehow, they knew each other and were working together.

Whether or not it was completely cooperative was something she couldn't tell. At that moment, Zenith was too cold, like she had been carved out of ice. It was impossible to get a read on her when she became like that.

And Kafka, oh Kafka. She could always tell what Kafka was thinking. She knew from the second the Hunter spoke up that she wouldn't hurt Zenith, and that the whole kidnapping thing was some sort of ruse mixed in with truth. But she couldn't tell what it all meant.

That small interaction with the three of them, where Zenith revealed her ability to manipulate memories, where Kafka led her to a cherished place once forgotten, caused everything to become an impossible mess.

Zenith, the woman who seemed simple at first, but knew much more than she let on. Her hair was as black as the cosmos, a deep night shade that seemed to suck in all light. In the moonlight it shined blue, like the reflection of the sky in an ocean. Her brown eyes were dark, that lightened ever so slightly at the edges before diving into a rich limbal ring that only seemed to highlight her penetrating gaze. Sometimes Stelle felt as if Zenith could take people apart with just a look, like everyone was a book waiting to be opened and read. Other times she felt like a regular girl who was sensitive about the most particular things.

Kafka, the woman in her life who was paradoxically infinitely mysterious as well as an open book. Her hair was like wine. The deep red liquid like blood, bathed in the many battles that she had with and without Stelle. Kafka was equally as intoxicating as the drink, so much so that Stelle could feel the withdrawals that coursed through her when she hadn't spoken to the woman in too long. Stelle knew firsthand that Kafka's maroon gaze only softened for her, that with every other person Kafka looked for their weakness before anything else. She was a hunter with a ten billion credit bounty, but the two of them still talked about simple things like new movies that were recently released.

Kafka and Zenith. The two of them had quite a bit in common.

If Stelle was the sun, then Kafka was the moon, and Zenith was the horizon.

Stelle wasn't quite sure what that meant, but she intended to find out.

Stelle knocked twice on Zenith's door in the Astral Express. She waited a full minute before knocking again.

No answer.

The amber eyed woman frowned, before checking her phone. She knew Zenith was awake, as she had responded to the Astral Express group text chat about ten minutes prior, so Stelle wasn't going to leave until they had a proper chat about things. Penacony was coming in a few days, and she didn't want to head off to the unknown without making sure everything was okay.

Ever since Zenith came back from Herta's Space Station she had been more quiet than usual. It wasn't as if the woman was particularly talkative in the first place, but she certainly wasn't afraid to voice her opinion about things. If there was ever a topic that had even somewhat of a debate during their Astral Express Dinners, she would be one of the first people to speak up on her opinion. Other than that, it was clear she preferred to listen rather than be the main participant.

It didn't seem like anything was wrong. Zenith still chatted with people in the hall, she still responded to group text messages, and still didn't like eating raw vegetables except broccoli. But it was the atmosphere that stuck out to Stelle. The vaguest impression that she wasn't even sure was really there.

Zenith felt… cold. She usually only felt cold when she was serious about something, but Zenith felt cold all the time now. Sometimes, like on the Xianzhou, that coldness dissipated for just a moment before it came back. It was as if she couldn't fully relax.

Stelle had the nagging feeling that it had to do with her comment on the space station. Just one question she didn't even have a chance to ask before getting shot down with a fierce look.

She knocked again. This time, the door opened.

Zenith appeared. She was in a grey sports bra and sweats combo. Her hair was damp, and clung to her pale neck, cascading down past her clavicle. It had grown a bit longer since the last time Stelle had really paid attention.

Stelle raised her eyes upwards, avoiding lowering them any more than was proper.

Zenith's dark eyes met her golden ones. Those prominent limbal rings made Stelle feel as if she were staring down the barrel of a gun. Zenith blinked a second later, and that feeling dissipated.

"Sorry, I just got out of the shower. Do you want to come in?" Zenith offered.

"Yeah, that'd be nice." Stelle nodded, and stepped inside.

When compared to Dan Heng and March's rooms, Zenith's room was odd. March's room was very clearly March's, with the girly posters, pictures on the mirror, and the numerous stuffed animals. Anyone who stepped into it could immediately guess who it was. Dan Heng, on the other hand, literally slept in one of the archive rooms. It was quite messy even though his personality might suggest otherwise.

Zenith's room was clinical, yet strangely messy. There wasn't a single thing on the floor that wasn't furniture, so it was spotless and free from any sort of clutter. On her dresser, desk, and table were various miscellaneous items of all kinds. Each piece of furniture was practically littered with them, to the point that, besides the immediate proximity that one would use at the desk and table, they were practically unable to host anything else.

"Sorry about the mess." Zenith said offhandedly as she started going through her dresser to find some clothes.

Stelle took a look at the spotless floor, and then the miscellaneous items that covered her desk.

…What did she mean exactly by 'mess'?

"You've been to my room a few times, this hardly qualifies as a mess." Stelle waved off. That sentence reminded Stelle that this was actually the first time she had been in Zenith's room, and they'd been sharing a train for several months at this point.

"I'm gonna get changed, then we can-" Zenith paused for a second, her eyes locking onto Stelle. "-talk."

Zenith disappeared into her bathroom. Stelle noted the muscles that were now present on the shorter woman's back. While not exactly prominent, they certainly weren't there when she joined the crew.

Stelle took the time to observe the little trinkets that made up Zenith's belongings. Plenty of them were books, and on even closer inspection, play scripts. A few more of them were keepsakes from the various places they visited. One of them was even a familiar looking hair clip. She was pretty sure that it belonged to Yukong.

Another item was a pair of blue-purple earrings still in a box. It would have been odd to see because Zenith never wore jewelry, but Stelle knew those belonged to Bronya. There was a purple butterfly scarf, vague enough but the proximity to the earrings had Stelle guessing it was Seele's. Another scarf was on her desk, it was red. Stelle had seen such a thing on Seele before, and on Natasha, and Oleg-

Oh. It was for Wildfire. She almost forgot Zenith was a part of it.

There was a blood lily in a vase. It reminded Stelle of someone. Like a vague memory that was beneath the water's surface. Stelle shook her head, and moved onto something else. There was a glint of light reflecting off something underneath a book-a script of some sort. She pushed it away, and froze at what she saw.

It was a silver butterfly pin. She could recognize that anywhere, and Stelle only knew one person who had it.

Stelle turned her head to the bathroom, and saw Zenith standing there, fully dressed and observing her.

"Why do you have this?" Stelle decided to ask directly.

"It was supposed to be a gift for you." Zenith broke eye contact. She looked downtrodden. "I just never could find the time to give it."

Stelle’s heart twisted upon hearing that. A gift to her? Normally she would have been delighted to receive a gift. "I- why this specifically?"

Zenith was silent for a few more moments, her gaze still planted towards the ground. Stelle watched as she took a deep breath, turned back up to meet her with an icy look, only for it to melt a second later. She broke eye contact once more.

"I don't want to treat you like a stranger." Zenith admitted. "I can't tell you everything."

"Then treat me like the good friend that I am. We've been through thick and thin together, haven't we?" Stelle said.

"It's complicated. I wouldn't even know where to start."

"How about from the start? What about from back on Belobog? Is there anything I should know then? Did you-" Stelle stuttered as she realized this was going to be the first time they acknowledged their mutual acquaintances. "Did you know about Kafka then?"

"…I didn't meet Kafka until she kidnapped me while we were parked on the Xianzhou." Zenith said.

Stelle noticed the wording. "So you knew about her."

Zenith moved to her bed and sat down on it. She curled up her legs closer to her body and hugged them. She didn't answer.

"This sucks." She huffed.

Stelle sat down at Zenith's desk and positioned herself towards the pouting woman. "What's stopping you from answering? Are you under some sort of magical contract? Did you eat some weird dessert and now you can't speak about it?"

Zenith gave Stelle an odd look. "No, I'm just a stubborn bitch." She said.

Stelle recoiled at the answer. "What? No, don't say that about yourself."

"Stelle, listen. I'll tell you this version of my story. It's not anywhere near the full version, but it's enough of what I'm willing to reveal." Zenith seemed fed up, mostly at herself.

"If you don't want to-"

"No, it's fine. Just listen to what I have to say, and then afterwards I'm going to contact someone and we're gonna go on a little trip for an hour or two."

"Alright. If that's what you want."

"What I want is to go-" Zenith scowled and shook her head. She restarted her sentence. "I want revenge. And to get revenge, I need to go somewhere."

"…Earth?" Stelle wagered a guess. She remembered from their initial dinner together. "You don't strike me as the type of person who's obsessed with revenge. In fact this is probably the first time I've heard of you wanting revenge for anything."

"Yeah. Earth. I hold grudges, but only for people who really deserve them. And it's not like I'm Sasuke Uchiha who turns revenge into ninety percent of their personality trait. I'm aware that I'm still far off from what I'm trying to achieve."

"…I don't know who Sasuke Uchiha is, but I'm glad you're not them. I think." Stelle scratched her cheek. "Uhm. What did they do to you and how does that relate back to Kafka?"

"I could tell you. But then I'd have to kill you." Zenith said seriously.

Stelle startled, her limbs twitching in a reflex built up with memories long forgotten. The crack of a smile from Zenith was what stopped her from doing anything else.

"You shouldn't make jokes like that." Stelle said, evening her breathing.

"Nobody gets my pop culture references" The black haired woman sighed.

"You're dodging the question again."

"Fine. Yes. I knew of Kafka. It relates back to Kafka because we-" Zenith stopped herself yet again before continuing with a single sentence. "Your past is my present."

Stelle squeezed a fist. That could refer to a lot, but she was certain it meant one specific thing. Zenith was working with the Stellaron Hunters in some way.

"Why?" Stelle asked.

Zenith didn't answer, instead she grabbed a phone off her desk- Her old phone, as Stelle recognized. She didn't even realize the Belobogian woman still had that. Then she pressed down on a single number and waited for someone to pick up.

"It's me." Zenith said to the phone. "That restaurant on 9th Avenue. It's owned by someone blind and has private rooms. It's called 'The Cat's Eye'. I'll see you there in sixty minutes."

The person on the phone said something unintelligible to Stelle, but just the faintest hint of their voice caused her heart to tremble in recognition.

"I'm bringing a guest. You're not going to run away, are you?" Zenith continued talking. She goaded the person on the phone, as if the two had done such a thing plenty of times.

But something told Stelle that wasn't true. It was a hunch. Or, perhaps as she examined the twisting emotion that had spiraled up, jealousy.

An ugly feeling, like she had been rubbed raw and exposed for her true feelings. Dark waves lapped at her ankles, doing their best to weather away at the ground beneath her until she sunk deep into a pit of her own making.

The tide came upon her strongly, its inky claws sinking into Stelle. A yearning that came from years upon years of being with someone, only to be forcibly separated.

"Zenith." Stelle found herself speaking up, interrupting the conversation between her and the person on the phone. It came to a surprise to even the speaker, but once started she wouldn't stop. "Don't speak to her like that."

The woman with dark eyes stared at her. Those dark limbal rings pierced through Stelle, and for a second the Stellaron Host felt as if she had overstepped. That she had no basis to talk to someone like that. Instead, Zenith nodded.

"You're right. Sorry. I know you two are close." She said, before saying one last thing to the person on the phone. "Okay. We're hanging up. Be there in 60 minutes."

"…Thanks." Stelle mumbled.

With a press of a button, Zenith disconnected the call. She then turned fully towards Stelle, looked her up and down, and said. "Put on something sexy, we're heading out soon. Uh- not for me, obviously, but I figured you'd wanna look your best."

Stelle blinked. This woman said the most random things sometimes.

An hour wasn't a long time when it came to dressing up. For one, Stelle had a surprising amount of options to choose from when it came to formal wear. March had made it her personal mission to enhance Stelle’s wardrobe, and while she usually stuck with her jacket and skirt combo, it meant she had collected quite a bit of variety in what she could wear. She had suits, dresses, gowns of various colors and styles.

Instead she decided to ask for help from March; The pinkette had a field day. She chose out a nice white dress with grey highlights, it complimented her hair well. Stelle also relented to let March do her makeup. She learned through the energetic girl's complaining that Zenith refused any and all makeup, and that she wouldn't let her do even the basics with her.

When she was ready, a full forty-five minutes had passed. Zenith was waiting out in the hallway, dressed in a suit that hugged her waistline. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail, and her slim stature made Zenith look distinctly androgynous. There was a hint of her femininity in there, disguised by her striking features.

It took Stelle a minute to recall where she last saw that exact suit. If she was correct… It was Tingyun's funeral.

That put a sour taste in her mouth.

March, who had followed Stelle out into the hallway, dropped her mouth open in shock once she saw Zenith. Her eyes darted between the two of them, looking as if she had just discovered a life changing secret.

"…You and Zenith???" March whispered in shock.

"No. It's a… private dinner with someone else." Stelle gave her an awkward smile. She came up with a believable excuse on the spot. "Zenith is playing wingman for me."

That got her an even more suspicious glance. March narrowed her eyes, staring down Stelle. "I don't believe you. You're too hung up on that Kafka woman."

There was a brief moment of shock as March unknowingly guessed the core of what was going on. Stelle cleared her throat. Ready to make another excuse when Zenith interjected.

"Stelle is wing-manning for me, actually. It's just a little embarrassing to admit. I haven't been in a relationship for years so I asked her to tag along." Zenith smoothly said. "As we all know, Stelle has the most relationship experience out of everyone here."

March blinked. "Oh. That makes a lot more sense." She shrugged.

Stelle took a good look at March. She wondered just what sort of opinion the pinkette had of Zenith to be so easily convinced.

"We're heading out now. I'll tell you how it goes once I'm back. If you could help me choose an outfit for a second date I'd be forever grateful." The woman in a suit said to March.

The very words seemed to invigorate March, who nodded with a smile and rushed into her own room. It was a little impressive to see March be handled so easily.

Stelle and Zenith left the Express quickly after, using a space anchor to visit the far side of the Xianzhou Luofu. Zenith produced a parasol out of nowhere, opening it and covering the two of them with it. People occasionally bustled about, but none got a good look at the duo.

They arrived at the restaurant with time to spare. Zenith took the initiative and booked them a private booth using a kiosk of sorts. There wasn't any person that Stelle could see in the immediate vicinity, which meant that there was no server either. It felt as if this tiny little restaurant, with private wooden booths and dreary wallpaper, had been lost to time and abandoned. Even the lights were dim and dull. If it weren't for the sound of movement in the back of the shop, Stelle would have guessed she had walked into some sort of ghost house.

Zenith slid open the door to one of the booths and pushed herself in. Then, she patted the seat next to her. Stelle took the invitation for what it was and sat down, sliding the door closed as she did.

The inside of the booth revealed the restaurant to be a hotpot place. There was a hollow circular interior in the center of the table, with temperature gauges on the edges.

Zenith fiddled with an electronic menu at the far end of the table, away from the door. "Are you okay with a spicy base?" She asked, suddenly.

Stelle took a moment to answer. Part of her was distracted from anticipation. Stelle most certainly could, but a certain wine-red haired woman didn't handle it well. "Uh- Yes. That's fine. But I'd prefer if you avoided it." She said.

"…Oh, she can't handle spicy things? That's kinda funny." Zenith made the connection instantly, thwarting Stelle's plan to save their last member some face. "It's whatever, I'm not really a fan of spicy hotpot anyways. I always feel like they try to make it spicy for the sake of being spicy rather than making it good and it happens to be spicy."

The question of 'why did you ask then' lingered on the tip of Stelle's tongue, before she decided against it. She instead checked the time on her phone. Two minutes before their agreed upon time.

Anticipation bubbled up within Stelle. The texts between the mysterious woman and her had increased in frequency in the past month, but they hadn't had a face to face meeting since she snuck out of the Express to meet her alone. Their last meeting had revealed many things, and made Stelle recognize that neither of them could lie to each other, for each of them knew each other's tells like the back of their hand.

Stelle did her best to patiently count down the time until their meeting. A minute ticked by, and when only five swift seconds remained she felt as if her heart was ready to flee from her chest.

She mentally counted down.

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

…Nothing.

The tiniest flicker of disappointment attempted to spread its wings, before it was clipped a singular second later as the door opened to reveal a stunning woman in a black dress. Her wine-red hair was down from its usual ponytail, cascading to her shoulders like a waterfall.

Stelle did her best to not be so obvious as she drank in her sight, but was met with a knowing grin from the perpetrator, along with a single finger raised to her lips in a silent 'Shh'. It brought Stelle's attention to the woman's alluring cupid's bow, the sinful red lipstick ensnaring her gaze.

It was only when the door was shut, and Zenith had flicked on some sort of silent array that blocked sound, did Stelle finally let go of the breath that she had been holding.

"Kafka." Stelle breathed out.

The Hunter smiled. "Stelle." She returned the greeting.

Stelle watched as Kafka's gaze roamed across her. The tiny micro-movements of her pupils revealed just where she was staring. From drinking in her amber eyes, to dipping lower to her lips, and falling yet again in an obvious, seductive stare to the curves just barely revealed by the neckline of her dress. Stelle could not help the shiver of pleasure that ran through her. A phantom memory long forgotten had made itself known in the most intimate way.

The shifting of the person sitting next to her caused Stelle to remember that it wasn't just the two of them there. And with that remembrance, came a bright blush that flooded her cheeks.

"Z-Zenith." Stelle stuttered. Trying to find some sort of excuse for the moment shared between her and Kafka. She failed horrendously, and decided to say literally anything else. "I- Uh. Do you know what to order???"

Kafka's gaze also slid to Zenith, and the black haired girl froze as if she had just been caught trying to steal something. Stelle had a vague impression that if the girl had cat ears and a tail they would all be on end.

Zenith's focus darted between the two of them, before she poked a finger at the electronic ordering screen again.

"Don't let me interrupt your moment. Continue as you please." Zenith retreated, doing her best to sink into her seat.

"No, no. As the host who invited everyone. Isn't it your job to set the topic?" Kafka interjected. Stelle knew for a fact it was to push Zenith further into the spotlight, highlighting her awkwardness. It felt more teasing than anything malicious.

"Uh. Haha. Sure. I just felt like you two have-" Zenith stopped herself and muttered something under her breath. Stelle's hearing was quite good, so she was able to make out the words 'whatever the fuck you two have going on' before the girl perked back up. "You two know each other. And I know both of you. And there were a few things I wanted lay on the table since everyone knows how much I hate lying to my dear friends."

The words 'hate' and 'lying' were stressed as if to emphasize the sarcasm in it, but Stelle couldn't remember if Zenith had ever blatantly lied to someone before.

"Continue, please." Stelle urged.

Zenith looked pained, but relented.

"I don't like putting all my eggs in one basket." She said, her tone shifting from hesitant to more business oriented. Her face went from a genuine anxious nervousness to a smooth, cool expression. "So I'm helping the Stellaron Hunters with a few things and in return they can help me with something later down the line. I hope."

The last two lines were directed to Kafka, who simply nodded in both confirmation of her words and what Stelle could only assume as reassurance.

"'A few things' is a little vague." Stelle continued to prod.

The conversation paused as the door was knocked on. Kafka and Stelle exchanged a look, a plan flying through both of their minds at a moment's notice.

"It's a robot." Zenith said. "You can open it."

Stelle slowly slid the door halfway open on her side, just enough to hide Kafka from the immediate outside. She was met face to face with a robot that was holding a soup pot, some utensils and a variety of vegetables.

Zenith stood from her seat and reached over Stelle, sliding the door completely open, grabbing the soup pot and placing it in the center. Then she dished out the utensils to everyone, turned on the burner and placed a few vegetables into the base. When all that was over, the robot turned away and Zenith closed the door.

"As I was saying, your wording is a little vague. I'm not against you being with the Stellaron Hunters, I just have to know what the whole point is." Stelle continued from her earlier interruption.

"Like I said." Zenith dipped her chopsticks into the soup base and then tasted them. She added a few more vegetables to it before creating a dipping sauce, and then repeating the process twice more for the other two people at the table. "I have to get back to Earth by any means necessary. And I'm not working with them, I'm just… hanging out occasionally. We talk, they ask me things, never about the Express though they have their own method of surveillance that even I don't know about, I answer and in turn they help me practice my powers and provide me with a certain amount of protection should I need it."

"So cold." Kafka teased. "You wouldn't consider yourself one of us?"

"I love talking about literature with you. And I have fun playing with Silver Wolf. And Blade is a good teacher. But I don't really embody the whole Stellaron Hunter thing, do I? It's not like I'm itching to kill someone." Zenith remarked.

"We don't-" Stelle stopped herself, restarting the sentence into something more accurate to the present. As she took the time to do so, she noticed that Zenith hadn't mentioned Sam. "They don't kill people indiscriminately."

Kafka shot Stelle a wink at that, hinting that she caught the Freudian slip. Stelle felt the tips of her ears heat up in embarrassment.

"I know. I just-" Zenith gnawed on the tip of her wooden chopsticks. "That's not really what I meant."

"What opinion do you have of me?" Kafka gasped in offense.

"I know for a fact that you weren't offended by that. I'm pretty sure you take pride in the fact that your bounty is over ten billion."

Stelle knew that this was true.

"It's a status symbol in certain circles." Kafka shrugged, not denying Zenith's statement.

The door was knocked on again, Stelle opened it to the sight of another robot, this time with a variety of plates holding thin cut meats. Stelle put them around the table and closed the door.

"How did you find this place?" Kafka asked, placing some of the meats into the pot to start cooking.

Zenith had the faintest hint of sheepishness on her face. "Yukong introduced me to the place and I found myself enjoying the lack of people."

Stelle raised an eyebrow. "You and Yukong?" She asked.

"No. Just friends. I'll admit that I'm interested in feeling what a Foxian's ears and tails are like, but I'm almost certain that counts as harassment."

Stelle fished out a slice of meat from the hotpot with the communal tongs, placed it on her plate and took a bite. It was quite tasty, with the broth giving it a faint herby, earthy tone that complimented the thin meatiness.

"You could always just ask." Stelle absentmindedly said.

"I did. I was politely informed that it was quite rude to do so unless you were intimate with a Foxian, and that while she was flattered, she's not looking for a relationship." Zenith informed her.

"So you got rejected."

"It's not like I was trying to get into a relationship with her. She has a daughter that's older than me. Even if Foxians are a long-lived species I wouldn't know how to maneuver that particular social dynamic. Not to mention the most important part of all, I'm not interested in a relationship right now!" Zenith huffed and stuffed her mouth with another bite.

Stelle noticed that Kafka had run out of her fourth favorite vegetable, and the only one in her top five that was at the table, bok choy. She pushed her own plate closer to the Stellaron Hunter, since she had just taken out two pieces.

"Thank you." Kafka smiled.

Stelle couldn't stop a smile from forming on her own face. Kafka was simply too infectious. She wanted to frame this moment, freeze it in time and let it stretch on for hours. The three of them, A Stellaron Hunter with an intergalactic bounty. Her, a unique specimen that hosted a Stellaron inside her body. And a woman from a frozen planet, with a secret she refused to reveal. They were happily enjoying dinner together, with not a care in the world.

She cherished this moment. A lot. It caused a bout of melancholy to shoot through her chest, leaving a wound that slightly soured her mood.

Zenith was with the Stellaron Hunters. Sort of. A part of her resented the woman for not telling her, leaving her in suspense for months, but she could understand why. Another part of her was happy that she was with them. She was happy for an entirely selfish reason, to have a more direct line to Kafka and the other three.

But in the back of her mind she knew it couldn't be so simple. Someone as innocent and morally straight wouldn't have tagged along with the Stellaron Hunters even if given the opportunity.

Zenith's powers were related to memories. Even if she never explicitly told Stelle, it didn't take a Genius Society member to figure it out considering their previous interaction with all three people. Stelle had the feeling that Zenith was attempting to keep her powers as inconspicuous as possible, with the less people who knew the better.

Stelle had a unique perspective on memories. Her amnesiac state let her know that there wasn't much difference between killing someone and wiping all their memories. And if Zenith was able to bring back a fragment of Stelle's own memories prior to her first death, then Stelle had no doubt she could just as easily take someone's memories away.

"So we're going on vacation soon." Stelle said suddenly, determined to change her gloomy inner thoughts to something more happy.

"Oh? To Penacony right?" Kafka brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Stelle did her best to not stare at her pretty earrings by instead staring at Zenith with an accusing gaze.

"What?" Zenith mumbled, halfway through eating her food. She sounded aggrieved. "I didn't say anything."

Well. Stelle was mature enough to admit when she was wrong.

"To Penacony, yeah." Stelle frowned. "Since you know about it, does that mean something is going to go wrong?"

"Who's to say?" Kafka shrugged. "Things go wrong all the time. Many things go right. It's entirely up to you to make things go your way."

That was Kafka's soft confirmation that yes, things would go wrong and it would involve them. Which, Stelle admittedly half expected to happen already, but she hoped that it would be straightforward.

The door was knocked on again, and another batch of meat and vegetables were dropped off. As well as some hot tea, which Zenith quickly monopolized. Stelle immediately put in more enoki mushrooms and some meat, and while waiting for it to cook, decided to question Zenith a bit more.

"Zenith, what happened on Herta's space station that made you so moody these past two weeks?"

"Can't I just say I'm on my period?" Zenith mumbled, averting her eyes and busying herself with another sip of tea.

"…Well is that the reason?"

"No."

The Stellaron Hunter must have found that amusing, as she chuckled and took a bite of freshly boiled bok choy.

"So? What's the reason? We're all friends here. I won't judge you if it's anything weird."

Zenith gave her a look. "Herta ambushed me. Her security system is set up to capture memokeepers and it happened to go off when I was alone. Apparently my body composition is similar enough."

Stelle frowned. "The Herta dolls ambushed you?"

"No." The brown eyed woman shook her head. "The Herta ambushed me. The real Herta."

Kafka leaned forward, she seemed acutely interested in this. "How did you escape? Herta is certainly one of the more lenient Genius Society members, but her whims aren't to be underestimated." The Hunter asked.

"…I told her the truth, for the most part. Said we met Fuli on the Xianzhou. Said that I… tampered with memories and defied the natural order, or whatever. It's uh-" Zenith forced out a laugh, looking anywhere but to the two other occupants at the table. "-Not a good idea to do that, by the way. Has certain permanent side effects."

Stelle knew what she was talking about without it being said. That moment when the three of them previously met, bringing back her memories from a life she once lived.

"…I'm sorry, I didn't know." Stelle apologized.

"I'm sorry as well." Kafka apologized. "I wasn't aware of the consequences. I just knew that it was something we had to do."

Kafka's apology startled Stelle. She hesitated for a moment, before pushing her foot forward just a bit, clipping Kafka's heels in a soft nudge. She got a gentle nudge in return, a confirmation that the hunter was okay.

"It's fine. I got something nice out of it. Don't expect me to do it again though." Zenith waved the two of them off. "What should we expect from Penacony?"

"That's a secret." Kafka winked. "But… I suppose you'll get to polish your acting, Zenith."

"Heh." Zenith let out a single short laugh. She must have found something funny about that statement.

"And me?" Stelle prodded.

"You'll learn to act. Best to find a scene partner." Kafka said.

"I suppose I'll have to delay my foray into directing yet again." Zenith feigned a yawn. "I can teach you, Stelle, but I think I know someone better."

"Better than you at acting?" Stelle frowned. She had never seen the girl actually act in a real theater setting. But from the way she reacted to certain things, not to mention the melodrama she occasionally displayed, she had no doubt that there was some truth to it.

"No one is better than me at acting. This is a universal truth." Zenith said arrogantly, yet stated it as a fact. "It's been a while and I had some rust to shake off, but I'm fully confident in that statement nowadays. I mean I know a better scene partner for you."

Kafka seemed interested. "Oh? Do tell."

The actress yawned. "Would you look at the time? An hour and a half sure flew by and we're all out of food!"

Both Stelle and Kafka shared a look and gazed inside the hotpot. It had several pieces of vegetables and meat left. Zenith snatched those up and stuffed them in her mouth. She looked vaguely uncomfortable before she swallowed it down.

"Dodging the question. Tsk Tsk." Kafka seemed nonplussed by the evasion. "But I suppose time has indeed flown by. Perhaps we should wrap things up."

Stelle hesitated, an anxious feeling clawing itself up from her stomach and grasping her heart. She'd been enjoying her time with the two other women so much that she didn't even notice that it was already time to go. The tranquil atmosphere, the casual conversations, it might have been something she could get with the Express but never Kafka.

She just wanted to know one thing before they left.

"Kafka." Stelle started. She licked her suddenly dry lips and did her best to swallow the nervousness that had bubbled up. "Why did you accept the invitation?"

"Can't I have a meal with some friends?" Kafka chuckled.

"Tsk Tsk. Dodging the question." Zenith echoed.

Kafka's violet gaze averted from Stelle's golden one for a few moments before returning. The hunter's eyes were softer, more genuine. "I simply wanted to see you, Stelle."

"I-" Stelle hiccuped. Her heart felt like it was being tickled. Those were words she'd wanted to hear for a long time. "I'm glad. I've missed you. We can- uh. We can finish up if that's what people want."

Kafka smiled, her cupid's bow curving like a swan unfurling her wings. She brought out a black card from her purse and handed it to the person closest to the electronic tablet. Zenith accepted it without a hint of hesitation, tapping it against the tablet and wordlessly handing it back. It seemed like a practiced movement, and Stelle couldn't help the unreasonable brief flash of jealousy.

She stamped it down, her gratefulness to the woman far outweighing those pesky illogical thoughts. If it weren't for her, none of them would even be here, having this dinner.

Zenith hip checked Stelle, an awkward maneuver considering they were still seated, but it got her attention and Stelle slid open the door to her side and got out of the seat. She surveyed the restaurant for a second before nodding to the other two.

With that, everyone evacuated their seats and headed outside. Zenith had opened her parasol, blocking the sight of the three of them for a second before bringing it up, casting a shadow on her face. She maneuvered closer to Kafka, so the woman with the bounty wouldn't be so easily seen by any random passerby. Not that there were any. It seemed in the time it took for them to have dinner the surrounding atmosphere drastically died down.

"So now what? We go off on our merry ways?" Zenith broke the silence.

Stelle looked to Kafka, trying to gauge what she would do. Her heart wished she could stay, but her mind knew it was time to part.

"Yes, time to say bye." Kafka sighed.

Stelle smiled. She was grateful that she could retain this memory and etch it onto her heart. Even if her past was shrouded in mystery, at least her present had moments like these. From everyday moments with the Astral Express to reconnecting with her past, like moments stolen from time, she was happy to be alive.

"Yeah." Stelle nodded, unable to come up with any more words.

"I'll be off first, then. Head back without me Stelle." Zenith waved, and shifted her parasol just a tiny bit.

For a brief second the light from the sun, cast upon both Kafka and Zenith, was bisected by the parasol. The shadow it cast was different for each of them.

For Kafka, her lower half was shrouded in darkness; her upper half was illuminated by fading sun.

For Zenith, it was the opposite. Her lower half was luminous; her upper half was submerged in a silhouette that swallowed her features.

And a second later, both their shadows were back to normal, and Zenith left the scene.

Kafka soon followed, but not before opening her own parasol, a black cover with a red underbelly, and stepped in close to Stelle. They shared a moment between them, before she too exited the stage.

Stelle left for the Express directly. She greeted the excited March and redirected her energy to the yet-to-return Zenith. Then she collapsed, back first onto her bed. She reviewed the day she just had and sighed in realization.

Those two were good at avoiding questions, she idly thought.

Chapter Text

Here's an important question I have for any and all future readers of mine. I want everyone to stop and think about it before they continue on with the chapter. Even when I write this and you all read it posthumously, I still want people to stop and think of what I'm saying.

Is acting a lie?

The fundamental nature of acting is to pretend. When one steps on stage, they cease to become themselves and instead 'pretend' to become someone else. They become a character that isn't them, speak words that aren't theirs, and do actions they don't mean.

Sure, it's not really 'them' who do these things. It's their character. But the physicality of their body necessitates that they are used as a vessel for these acts. Which of course, begs the question.

If I step on stage and act to my heart's content. Am I lying?

I personally would say no. But this leads further down the line. Once I step off that stage, what constitutes a lie and a truth if I am still playing a character of sorts? If people act according to how they believe others expect them to, does that acting become reality, and consequently a truth? To dive even further into this, if the entire world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players, when does one have time to be themselves?

If I were to determine that everything I am, all the people I talk and interact with on a daily basis are just players of the grand stage that is the world, is everything I say and do a lie? A big game of pretend that has no truths to it?

…Well?

I certainly know the answer, but I'm not going to reveal it quite yet.

Chop chop, my students of the dramatic arts, time is ticking and I don't have all day. I'm expecting a lot from you, my glorious proteges. I need you to learn truths from lies quickly.

Chapter 26. To You, 1000 Years From Now.

Penacony was colloquially known as the 'Land Of Dreams'. When I did some precursory research, I realized very quickly that this title was meant both figuratively and literally.

For me, I likened it to what history often called America. The land of opportunity where people could live out the American Dream and turn their life around. Certainly for some that was true, and Penacony's apparent past felt very similar. Once a desolate and dark land, now a bustling city of festivities.

But on the more literal side, it was the Land of Dreams because it literally was centralized around dreams. Memoria spewed out in spades, allowing people to enter a collective dream of some sort. It was the perfect place for people to party to their heart's content and waste away their lives.

I was deeply interested in it. If I had the chance to study dense concentrations of memoria up close, there was a good chance I could find out more about my abilities and a way back home, and even should that fail it would be a great way to hone my Remembrance skills.

Memoria was an abstract concept given physicality. It was the vessel of humanity, holding memories and consciousness in the most literal sense of it. A clump of raw memoria could take the form of a cloud if it was too disorganized, or it could morph into an object if the memories or consciousness that it was made up of was particularly concentrated onto one thing.

Truthfully a part of me was worried about the effects such dense memoria would have on me should I enter its atmosphere, but it was more of a nagging feeling in the back of my mind. My body, according to Herta, was only twenty percent memetic material. It was enough for me to live a completely normal life with no one the wiser should I keep a tight wrap on it, something I had been practicing extensively ever since my close call at the Space Station.

But all that could wait until I actually arrived. For now, I had to wait until Stelle and March arrived at our Express meeting.

Luckily, I didn't have to wait long.

"Hey! Sorry we're late! I was just packing everything to get ready to go!" March said as she entered the Parlor Car.

Stelle came in as well. "Sorry I'm late." She sheepishly apologized.

March took a seat next to me, close enough that our shoulders were almost touching. Stelle on the other hand claimed the circular couch for herself.

Welt and Himeko were sitting at their usual table, while Dan Heng was sitting the equivalent of two seats away from me on the same couch.

Himeko smiled at the two new entrants. "Good to see you two. Glad that you're excited for our next stop announcement."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world!" March said happily.

Pom-Pom, our lovable short animal-like conductor, cleared their throat. Everyone went silent.

"I'm happy that everyone is excited, so I'm here to announce that our next step is Penacony, the land of festivities! Everyone will be getting a vacation!" Pom-Pom announced.

March cheered from beside me. Himeko, Welt and Dan Heng gave a polite applause while Stelle smiled. I gave my own brief round of applause. I'm pretty sure everyone already knew the destination before it was announced. So most of this was for the spirit of it.

"I can't wait to finally go on vacation after these last few trips!" March excitedly whispered to me.

I chuckled. "Belobog and the Xianzhou return trip didn't count?"

"No way! The IPC ruined Belobog and the Xianzhou has too much baggage to truly relax on it."

Pom-Pom hushed us with a smile. "I know everyone's excited but we have to talk about things first. Firstly is that Penacony is located in the Asdana star system, and it's brimming with memoria. You might experience some negative side effects at first if you're particularly sensitive to it."

Said negative side effects usually just amounted to nausea or dizziness, but could be more severe if one came into direct contact with raw clusters of it. I didn't foresee anyone having any particular issue with it.

"Secondly, we're invited guests to The Family. They run Penacony and as such we need to be polite and adhere to any regulations set by them." Pom-Pom continued.

"When have we ever not been polite?" March huffed silently.

Dan Heng cleared his throat from the other side of me. He gave March a look, a universal call out that transcended language.

March just sheepishly laughed.

"Thirdly is a favor that Pom-Pom would like to ask of everyone. If you could spare some time to inquire about some former nameless who used to travel on the Express as you all do now." Pom-Pom did their best to bow upon finishing.

Himeko took the reins and started explaining Penacony's past. How it was built up from a former prison to the bustling festival it is today. Three former passengers apparently aided in that transition, and Pom-Pom was curious to see how they were doing, should they still be alive, or how their story went if not.

It was a little bittersweet to think about. I felt my heart warm upon realization that even though thousands of years had gone past Pom-Pom still remembered the passengers of the Astral Express. I knew that I would eventually have to leave to return to my home, and I hoped no matter what happened I would be remembered just as fondly.

There wasn't much else in the way of announcements, so before long we were ready to warp jump. Everyone settled into their seats, whether that be in a chair or on one of the couches, and prepared for takeoff.

That familiar feeling of being squeezed into a size smaller than the point of a pin took over me. The world collapsed into one singular atom before expanding yet again. The transition this time was smooth, and I felt proud of myself for finally getting used to it. I didn't even feel nauseated this time-

She had pink hair, the same color as her pupils. She seemed surprised to see me. Just as I was surprised to see her.

I had never met her, but somehow I knew who she was.

We both spoke at the same time, and uttered the same words.

"Your name is-"

I gasped awake, my chest heaving as it desperately tried to gulp down copious amounts of air. My lungs ached, and no matter what I did I never felt like I could get my fill of oxygen.

"Zenith?!"

My body trembled violently, shivering in place. I couldn't speak, stuck in a loop of chattering teeth and gasping for breath. Every inhale felt like thousands of needles poking me from the inside, pinning my ribcage to my skin that tore me open from the inside. Every exhale left me empty, as if my soul would escape next. I found myself stuck in this vicious cycle, my heart trembling in it's cage so loud that I had no doubt others could hear it.

"Oh my Aeons you're freezing!"

Someone was speaking to me, coaxing me and trying to get me to calm down. I couldn't hear them. The only thing I could hear was a rushing in my ears, like every sound was somehow dulled, but their vibrations were magnified by an amount.

There was something draped around me, like a blanket or towel. As it could wick away the coldness that permeated my bones.

My stomach hitched and arrested my breathing. My hand flew to my mouth, doing my best to hold in the sudden urge to vomit. It was only when someone put a trash can in front of me a few precious moments later did I expel everything that was in my stomach.

When I did, I finally started to feel better. My shivering gradually went away and the coldness that seemed to be soul-deep finally dissipated. It was only them that I noticed that March was holding my hair back, and the rest of the Express was looking at me with concern.

"Thank you." I croaked out to the best of my ability.

"Are you okay? That was a rather violent reaction. It happens to some people when in contact with Memoria, but you must be particularly sensitive if it happened as soon as we stopped." Himeko asked.

"I-I feel better now. I'm not sure. I just feel like-" I took a moment to catch my breath. My throat burned with every word. "I feel like I had a really long dream."

I took a look in the trash can. There was some morbid sense of curiosity compelling me to do so, an odd feeling of expectation that I couldn't locate the origin. I found nothing but my own bile.

For some reason I expected to find seawater.

I was promptly diagnosed with acute memoria sensitivity. There was some irony in the fact that not a single person in the Express was a doctor, and that there was a very good chance that I was actually the closest one to being a medical doctor seeing as I had my CNA certification at home. Yet they all agreed and diagnosed me on the spot.

Blasphemy, truthfully. I was the one who went through the entire thing and I was almost certain whatever the hell that was had no relation to memoria sensitivity. Who was the doctor here, me? Or them?

…The fact that a CNA certification could be gotten within a month and didn't actually require any med school wasn't relevant.

I took a shower, scrubbing myself practically raw until I finally felt clean, and took an entire hour getting myself ready again. I must have rinsed my mouth out with mouthwash at least ten different times, trying my best to get that hollow, disgusting feeling from clinging to me. By the second wash I knew it was just a mental thing, but that didn't stop me from trying.

March gave me some medicine and helped me with my hair since I was still feeling weak. Bless her heart. This came with her having free reign of what style she wanted, so I ended up with what she called a 'waterfall braid'.

It looked good. I had never really braided my hair before because I had kept it around shoulder length my entire life, but ever since leaving Belobog I had let it grow out.

By the time I was ready to go, the others had already departed. They wanted to wait considering both me and Stelle had bad memoria reactions, but I persuaded them to head out first. Dan Heng stayed behind but that was simply because he didn't like crowded areas.

I learned of Stelle's reaction when March was doing my hair. Hers was much more tame, simply involving a drowsy spell and dreaming.

The more I tried to think about my own dream, the less I could grasp. It was like water slipping through my hands, leaving only small particles of moisture stubbornly clinging to me.

I was almost certain it was an incident related to my timeslipping. But compared to the other dreams I've had previously, revolving around two people whom I could at least remember their name, if not their personal details, This time I couldn't remember anything. I just remember being surprised, and vague words that bubble to the surface of my mind.

Gold Dust. Achilles. Joker. Cotton Candy. Interrupting Cow. Three Stooges. Warmth. Lava Lamp. Magnus.

…There was one more vague word that bubbled to the top, but it escaped me just like my dream.

I had no idea what any of these words could even mean, and none of them seemed to have any real connection to each other. But I was certain they were important to me. If not now, then in the future.

But the future wasn't something I could afford to worry about right now. I had to worry about fantasy Las Vegas because apparently something big was going to happen. If only the itsy bitsy spider told me more, but she was rather reluctant to part ways with any more information. I relented because I knew should I really need her she would pull through.

With me back to working capacity and Stelle finally awake, the two of us were ready to set out and reunite with the rest of the Express.

"Looking forward to vacation?" Stelle asked me.

I gave her a concerned look. She of all people should know that vacation was probably the last thing we would be getting. "Uh. Yeah. Ready to hit the slots and win it big." I joked.

"Your Astral Express allowance not covering you?" Stelle raised an eyebrow.

I was silent for a moment and gave the taller woman a confused look. "We- We get an allowance?" I stuttered.

Stelle gave me a startled look, as if she never considered that I might not have gotten it.

"You- How have you been-"

"Nah I'm fucking with you." I stopped the joke there before it went too far. I was highly amused by my own joke.

Stelle huffed in half annoyance and half amusement. She shifted the topic as we left the Express and arrived on Penacony proper. There was a space anchor that we could have used, but we instead stepped out of the Astral Express and onto the psuedo-railway platform. It was a straight shot to the hotel reception area.

Although Penacony was populated, the reception area to the grand hotel seemed to be relatively sparse. That didn't detract from its appearance, though. It truly fit the name 'Grand'. We seemed to be right at the entrance to it.

"So, apparently the superstar Robin is in town. Have you listened to any of her songs?" Stelle asked, making small talk.

"Nope. I honestly haven't really heard of her. I'm unfortunately quite absent from most social media." I told her. "You're talkative today."

Stelle rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. "I was just concerned when I heard about your bad reaction to memoria. Is it related to your path?" She whispered that last part.

It was then that I noticed an odd feeling on my skin. As if the very air itself was stagnant and thick. It felt like there was no circulation, so the only oxygen left in this grand hotel was stale. I tried waving my hand in the air, twisting it around in awkward maneuvers that got me a weird look from Stelle.

There was a resistance to it, almost like being underwater. A nigh unnoticeable resistance, but I could never mistake the feeling.

This was a dream. It reminded me eerily of the one that Herta used to trap me in.

"Maybe." I finally said to Stelle. "Please let me try something on you. I have a weird feeling right now."

"Huh? Alright."

I reached up and cupped her face. She startled and a blush appeared on her face, but she didn't resist. My threads touched upon her surface ones, and I carefully navigated away from anything relating to past memories. So long as I avoided the forbidden strings I could safely work with Stelle.

When I found what I was looking, I touched upon them and twisted a thread of hers. "This might sting." I warned her.

If done correctly it should-

"Ow! A little more warning next time?" Stelle scowled.

I waited for her to flicker in place and disappear. If not that, then at least have some sort of reaction. But instead she just frowned at me, stubbornly staying in place.

That was weird.

I did the same to myself, cursing under my breath when I felt that telltale soul pinch. If I was in a dream, or god forbid another one of Herta's memory traps, I should have broken free instantly. Instead I just stayed in place, looking rather dumb.

So this wasn't a dream? That didn't… add up. This sensation I was feeling was unique. It was found only in dreams. I knew because I had become far too used to my lucid dreams. Not all of them were visions of the past or future, timeslipping through memories into an incomprehensible mess, but I had started to have lucid dreams at a much more frequent rate than ever before.

Ever since Herta trapped me in her security system, I started being much more prudent about the things I felt in dreams and the like. If I could instantly identify something like that, I could prevent myself from ever getting into a bad situation or at least salvage it before anything worse happens.

Except, clearly that wasn't the case here. I knew what memoria felt like, and how to manipulate it even if only a rudimentary level, but this was something different.

"Uh. Can you give me a second? I need to make a call." I said to Stelle, before pausing and continuing my sentence. "Can you look away for a second? I'm not trying to flash you."

I got a very confused look before my friend turned around, giving me some privacy. I took out my second phone from a hidden compartment on my person, and dialed a few numbers. The first three didn't pick up, and loathe as I may be to dial the fourth I did so anyways.

"Zenith." They said.

"Uh. Hey. You're here on Penacony, right?" I asked.

"…Yes. Is something the matter?"

"I can't exactly speak freely. But have you noticed the abnormality in Penacony yet?"

"Not yet. I only arrived a day before you."

I frowned. "You've explored the Dreamscape then?"

"I've done some reconnaissance, yes. What's wrong?"

"Not sure just yet. Just pay attention to how the dreamscape feels compared to being in reality. I'm noticing something odd but I can't quite pinpoint what it is."

"…Will do. Anything else?"

"No. Sorry to bother you."

"Then I will be off. Remember the plan."

The mechanical Stellaron Hunter hung up on me. I tsked and frowned. Always an awkward conversation with that one, for sure. I knew it was probably half my fault, but I just couldn't help it.

"I'm done, sorry. Let's be off." I tapped Stelle, who was whistling in place doing her best to not listen.

"So… who was that?" Stelle couldn't help but ask.

"Your girlfriend." I teased.

Stelle shook her head. "No it wasn't. And she's not my- Uh. I don't really know. But it wasn't her."

The entrance to the main lobby of the hotel was an enormous plaza that seemed to stretch upward nigh infinity in a half-circular structure. Floors upon floors as tall as the eye could see, and the reception area was detached from it in the center of said circle. There were these sort of gondola lifts that weren't attached to anything, but seemed to follow a path to the reception area.

Of course, rather than being shaped like a gondola lift, it was in the shape of a ball. One could step in and sit down while they were taken to whatever level they wanted.

I halted our conversation for a bit as we stepped into one of them. Stelle played with the controls and we were on our way to the reception area.

"It was her… coworker. She didn't pick up so I chose the fourth best option." I said.

"…Did you find out what's wrong with Penacony already? We just stepped into the place." Stelle inquired.

"It's just a hunch, really. If you don't feel like anything is wrong then maybe I'm just being paranoid. But for some reason I get this nagging feeling like we're already in some sort of dream. It might just be the memoria being so dense that I can't tell the difference, though." I frowned.

"You should tell this to the rest of the Express. If you think it's a danger, then you need to tell us."

I gnawed on my lip. "I know. I will."

"You can trust us, you know? You still haven't told the rest of the express that you're a remembrance pathstrider." Stelle looked at me, her amber eyes gentle with urging. "Isn't that important for us to know?"

I could tell she was trying to respect my boundaries, and I appreciated that. The uneasy feeling in my heart couldn't be placated with just that. If they felt as if I betrayed them, or was trying to manipulate them…

"I will. I promise. Just… one thing at a time." I pleaded.

Stelle nodded, and our conversation quickly came to a close as our cable sphere reached it's intended destination. She stepped out first, and offered her hand to me as assistance. I took it and for just a brief second I touched upon the surface of her waters. She was calm, and I used that calmness to ground myself.

I felt guilty about the invasion of privacy, and I held onto the guilt as we headed towards the reception. I might not have minded using it on strangers, but I generally tried to avoid doing it to close friends.

…Or perhaps I was only convincing myself of that.

Himeko had informed us that the three of them, Himeko, Welt and March were waiting in the VIP bar area while the hotel processed their information. Apparently something was wrong with Stelle and my invitations.

Firstly, of course there was something wrong. I'm more surprised none of us had been ambushed immediately upon setting foot in Penacony. It's not like I had a good track record for that kind of thing.

Secondly, the VIP lounge was Nice with a capital N. We had to verify our identity as Astral Express members to gain access. It had a private bar with drinks that were colors I didn't even know existed, premium lounge seats and best of all, barely any people.

It wasn't as if Penacony felt particularly busy in the lobby, but it wasn't a place to hold a conversation.

The VIP lounge on the other hand, consisted of many high profile people. Although I didn't recognize any of them since I rarely bothered to browse intergalactic social media, I could tell that quite a few of them were important. If not by recognition than by the amount of obvious bodyguards. I noticed a few people, including a distinguished woman with violet hair and designer blue clothes as well as a woman with periwinkle hair. The latter had wings on her face and body, sitting in a private corner of the lounge. We made eye contact for a half second before I continued surveying the room, eventually landing on my Astral Express crewmates.

Himeko and her beautiful crimson hair was the first person of the trio that I noticed when searching the lounge. She was seated at the bar with a drink in her hand and using the other to lean on her side. She had that sort of effortlessly stunning look to her as usual. One that caused people's heads to turn unconsciously.

Welt was there as well. He wasn't nursing a drink but instead talking to both Himeko and March. His brown hair seemed faintly disheveled, as if he had anxiously ran his hands through it a few times.

March was sitting there next to Himeko. She had both hands on a drink, hunched over ever so slightly and sipping from it with a straw. She reminded me of someone who had never been to a bar before and was just taken by friends.

Quite amusing, if I had to say so myself.

Stelle and I strolled up to the three of them. I took a seat next to Himeko and March, while Stelle stood between all of us. I didn't order anything since I staunchly avoided alcohol, while Stelle ordered a non-alcoholic drink and when she got it we all migrated to a more private corner of the lounge. Himeko, Welt, March, Stelle and I slipped into a half circular booth. I found myself at the end, with Himeko sitting across from me and Stelle sitting next to me.

"Anything in particular happen?" I questioned, leaving the subject matter broad.

Himeko sighed. "They have the four of us including Dan Heng, obviously since Dan Heng isn't tagging along his room will go unused. But both Stelle and you, Zenith, don't have a reservation registered. It's odd, because we were clearly sent an invite from The Family, but it doesn't seem to be written down formally anywhere."

"So what, is it just a simple mistake?" Stelle asked.

"…It's possible. But there are a few things that don't add up, and they all trace back to the invite itself."

Conversation stopped as we noticed the bartender approach our corner of the lounge. He was carrying a single drink, and placed it right in front of me along with a small business card.

"A gift, from an anonymous admirer, 'to the woman with hair like the starry skies'. The drink of choice is 'Spring's Coming Tides', a non-alcoholic beverage often used to celebrate the coming of new seasons. A magnolia petal has been specially requested for decorational purposes." The bartender said to me, placing a drink with three distinct layers to it. The top layer was an enchanting violet, the middle was pure white, and the bottom was a soothing orange. They bowed to me and then left back to their station.

I would recognize those colors anywhere. I repped them daily.

In the center of the drink was a magnolia petal sitting at the top. It was a bone white that was dyed ever so slightly pink by the drink. I watched it fall to the bottom as more and more of the drink was absorbed into it, almost as if it withered away from its flower and broke off.

"Wow!!! What a pretty drink!" March gushed across the table. "Do you know who sent it?"

"That would defeat the purpose of a secret admirer, March." Himeko chided, laughing softly.

My heart started to speed up, echoing in my chest as I realized what was happening. Ice flooded my veins as I steadily took the card. It was a business card… sort of. The famous singer Robin was on it, giving me a face to the name. Her periwinkle hair stood out to me, as well as the cute wings that protruded from behind her ears.

I turned over the card and saw two words elegantly handwritten in a black pen.

'Your Primadonna'

I licked my lips. "I know who it is. We're old friends, so don't be too surprised." I said.

How true was that statement? Was it a lie? A truth? We most certainly knew of each other, but never before did I have the ability to put a face to the name. She was someone that had only previously existed in my dreams that slipped from time. To meet her here and now… wasn't something I was ready for. Nor was I expecting her to be quite so famous.

For a second, I almost thought I was wrong. But a quick glance across the lounge had me making eye contact with beautiful orbs of aquamarine, dashing any doubts I had. All the details that had previously been blurred from my dreams started to come together like a camera coming into focus.

"Really?" Stelle asked. "Is it someone we know?"

"…Uh. In a way. Sure. Anyways, don't let me stall our conversation. It sounded important. Just uh, catch me up on it. I need to go say hi." I said, getting up from my seat. I took my drink with me.

"Alright! Have fuuuuuuuuuun!" March said, teasing evident to anyone.

I made my way to the other side of the lounge, crossing past the bar that was in the center. It was a symmetrical lounge for the most part, so I ended up standing before another half-circle seating arrangement. Only this time, there was a single person sitting there.

She looked up at me, a knowing smile dancing on her lips. Her entire demeanor seemed to emanate innocence and cuteness, all the way from her periwinkle hair that looked like gentle waves of cotton candy to her lilac dress that was hugged tightly by the fluffy wings sprouting from her back.

"Hello there. Can I help you?" Robin, the intergalactic superstar asked me. A hint of playfulness shined from her aquamarine eyes.

I emphasized the drink in my hand, giving it a small shrug. "It's a nice drink. Haven't had a sip yet, but symbolically I can appreciate its beauty. After all, when spring comes…" I trailed off.

"…Magnolias wither." Robin finished. "Why don't you take a seat, Zenith? Let's chat."

And that was how I became friends with a superstar.

Chapter Text

We need to talk about makeup.

I don't really… do makeup. It's not that I have anything against it, it's just that I very much prefer not to use it for everyday wear. That isn't to say I NEVER wear makeup. If I have a hot date that'll probably end in myself getting naked (once every three years) then sure I'll touch up.

Or, alternatively, if I'm heading on stage I'll put on stage makeup but that is an entirely different concept than regular everyday makeup.

So why am I even talking about makeup?

Honestly? For no particular reason besides that women are gorgeous.

Chapter 27: Birds Of A Feather

My phone was currently doing its best to blow itself up in my jeans pocket. I took the chance to glance over at the Astral Express back at their half circle, and saw March hunched over furiously typing on her phone.

Based on the rate my phone was vibrating. She was sending at least four texts per second.

"Your friends seem nice." Robin, the intergalactic superstar, commented.

"They're the best." I agreed. "But uh… they'll probably bug me for an autograph later. Just letting you know."

The Halovian giggled. The small wings sprouting from beneath her ears shook ever so slightly from the motion. "I don't mind. I enjoy meeting my fans. It's nice to know that my music or movies could touch their hearts."

I blinked. Wow. She was just radiating brightness.

"How do I star in an intergalactic movie?" I asked, then shook my head. "That wasn't what I wanted to ask. Sorry. Do you know what path I follow?"

"You're a pathstrider of Fuli." Robin told me after a moment of hesitation. "If you'd like to star in a movie I can always introduce you to a director, but you'd need to prove your acting skills yourself."

Truthfully I didn't speak incorrectly. I created a non-sequitur as a fake Freudian slip to lower her guard. I didn't want her to feel as if I still didn't trust her. It was just that the more I stayed in this universe, the more I needed to be cautious.

"I'm not worried about my acting skills. I'm confident that any director would be happy to have me in their cast." I told her truthfully, if a touch arrogantly. I focused on that detail as if it was my original intention. Since she knew I was a remembrance pathstrider then there wasn't a need to dive into that line of conversation further.

"Confidence is a nice quality, but I'm assuming you don't exactly have a resume to back it up." Robin tutted. She took a sip of her drink after.

I was silent for a second, watching the glass touch her rosy lips. "Isn't that what you want me here for?"

There was an odd contrast to the Halovian singer that I noticed shift in this moment. Her hair, periwinkle as it may be, cascaded down to her mid back in subtle curls that exuded a touch of cuteness to it. Her cheekbones were high, giving off a regal look that was accentuated by the light natural blush her makeup added. When combined with her eyes having only a touch of shadow to them and the slight downward tilt of the aquamarine orbs, she practically radiated an aura of innocence.

But just as I cut away to the heart of the matter, shooting an arrow in the darkness for what I could do for her, I watched all that shift. Her periwinkle bangs, once cute, now hung just slightly over her face. It cast a shadow over her eyes, and a glint of seriousness was carved out.

She looked striking like this. Her lips were moist from her drink, giving them a shine that naturally drew one's eyes. Her neck, slender and pale, highlighted the alluring curve and brought attention to her jade necklace and subsequently her prominent clavicle.

I could tell what happened. She had swapped to her role immediately. It was a sign of an experienced actor.

"Yes. I need your help with something. You've whispered sweet assurances to me in the past, even if it was in one of your dream episodes. Are you going to go back on your word now?" The superstar said, slipping into character as seamlessly as one could take a drink.

I felt a tiny rush of exhilaration course through me at the sudden display. A true actor could change what they were saying with just their body expression, and Robin demonstrated that beautifully.

"So director." I gave a tiny bow of reverence, as much as I could while still seated. "How may this esteemed actor be of use?"

I watched as Robin took another breath and felt her atmosphere revert back to her original one.

"I need you to be my eyes and ears. If you can get the Express to help, all the better." She told me. "The Family… is quite complicated. There's multiple factions involved and quite a few higher ups are interested in what's happening with Penacony."

I raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it a bit counterproductive for me to do that if you so publicly called me over?"

"Isn't that where your superb acting skills come in handy?" She flashed me a teasing smile before shaking her head. "It has to be in public. If it were in private and someone found out, then they would definitely know we're connected on a deeper level. But this way I can just act as if I'm entertaining an important fan. My skill with the Harmony can't do much to assist us, but at least it can prevent someone from reading our lips. So long as we talk quietly enough the VIP Lounge's natural soundproofing enchantments will work in our favor."

"I didn't know the Harmony could be used like that." I murmured to myself. "I'm just from the Astral Express. How important is that?"

"You underestimate two things. The nigh intergalactic level of prevalence that the Astral Express has on many civilizations, and the fact that you're in here, the VIP lounge." Robin corrected me. She must have understood the doubtful look I gave her because she continued. "The Astral Express doesn't need much explanation. But if you're in the VIP lounge of Penacony, it means you are someone important to the galaxy as a whole. Even if someone has a lot of money, they need merit and achievements to back themselves up to gain access. You already did a good job by walking over here as if you owned the place. That self important nature is something these people act like on a daily basis."

There was a hint of criticism in her voice. She had likely needed to do the same thing and talk to important guests many times before.

"…And?" I prompted when she didn't continue. "Can you at least tell me what's happening in Penacony?"

"The dreamscape is destabilizing." Robin told me.

"The dreamscape? Like… the collective dream that everyone shares and turns it into Las Vegas?"

"Las Vegas?" She seemed confused, but ended up nodding anyway. "Uh, yes. That's exactly what I'm talking about."

"What… would happen if a collective dream destabilized while a bunch of people were inside of it? And why is it destabilizing?"

"I'm not sure why its destabilizing. I only just got back a few days ago. As for the what…" Robin hesitated to answer. "Best case scenario is that everyone simply wakes up from their dream. Worst case is that the destabilization affects their consciousness to the point where they might not ever wake up. And even then the worst case past that is that the dream will leak into reality, causing Penacony and this part of the Asdana system to eventually cease to exist in a physical form."

…That sounded terrifying.

"Why… is this not more known…?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Politics." Robin answered simply.

I took an extra moment to think about what she said. The idea that a plane of reality could cease to exist in a physical form and only exist in a meta-physical one…

It reminded me a lot of how I already felt when I stepped out of the train. I was unable to differentiate what was real and what was a dream. If it weren't for the fact that I was confident in my own abilities regarding this particular aspect due to my own previous experiences, I'd likely still be confused. As it was, the more that she said, the less sure of myself I was getting.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news then. There's a very good chance that the dreamscape destabilization has already breached into reality." I informed her.

Robin went pale in an instant. She inhaled deeply in an attempt to calm herself down. "Elaborate, please."

"It's hard to explain." I frowned. "But ever since I stepped into Penacony, or… looking back, ever since the Astral Express finished our warp jump I've been feeling off. Almost as if everything is a beat too slow, and my actions echo the tiniest amount. It wouldn't be noticeable if I didn't pay attention to it. In other words, it's a nearly identical feeling that I get when I'm dreaming."

"Are you saying that we're dreaming right this second?" Robin asked me.

"No." I denied, then paused. My feelings were conflicting. "Maybe. I tried something earlier that should have woken me up if I were simply dreaming, but it didn't work so I was convinced that this was simply how memoria dense areas are. But now that you've told me all this, I'm looping back to it and doubting myself again."

"…Thank you for telling me this. I trust your judgment." Robin said after a long period of silence.

"What does that mean for the dreamscape?"

"It means we have much less time than I thought." The superstar said solemnly. "My brother said that Penacony had a few months before the dream would reach critical mass and destabilize entirely, but if it's already reached this point then… I can only set a deadline for two weeks before I estimate we reach the point of no return."

"And if things aren't solved by then?"

"I'll use all of my influence to get people to evacuate Penacony. Waking them from their dream forcefully if I must."

I was silent for a moment in acknowledgement of her determination. "So? What now?" I asked.

"Now, we exchange contacts and then you head back and act like you enjoyed talking to me." The superstar teased.

"…Before we start, I need a favor. Stelle and I don't have rooms booked. Can you do something about that?" I asked.

"Easily. No one will even know that it’s me who requested it."

"Then I'm ready to act if you are." I smiled.

She wanted an act? I'd have to give her a good one. One so good that everyone in the room wouldn't think twice about our relationship. I knew just the archetype to pull from.

I finally decided to take a sip of my drink, an act of trust only given to people I believed harbored no ill intentions towards me. I was quite cautious in bars, and even if I didn't expect anything to happen in such a high profile place, I never let my guard down for drinks unless I saw them poured in front of me.

My gaze connected with Robin's aquamarine's gemstones. I studied her expression for a second before putting my glass down, swallowing my sweet drink and leaning just a bit forward. It was at enough of an angle for her gaze to naturally travel down from my eyes, to my lips which were undoubtedly glistening from my drink. I felt her gaze rest even lower for just a second, ending just at my neck, like a bird touching upon the ground before leaping back into the air. In the second she did that, I closed the gap between us, dipping into her personal space.

I watched her eyes widen at the intrusion, at how she was caught off guard and how for a second her stare dipped even lower than before. My blouse was quite conservative, but up close and with me intentionally lowering my center of gravity, she got the barest hint of cleavage from me.

Got you. I smiled to myself.

"The number of a beautiful woman like you?" I spoke clearly. My mouth contorted to a smirk that wouldn't be out of place on a self assured playboy. "I'm sure we could meet at night to talk all about Penacony's wonderful secrets together. I would love to make a pretty bird like you sing."

There was a flicker of confusion that passed through Robin, as well as a blush, and a not quite undisguised look of annoyance. They all morphed together before the acting queen took the hint. "I've never met such a pushy fan as you." She scoffed lightly. She still managed to keep her image as the harmonious queen of acting.

I watched her start mouthing numbers to me. A flicker of an emotion that won't be named flared up as I paid special attention to the superstar's violet lips. I snuffed it out and smothered it when she finished recounting her number. I gave her the tiniest of nods in acknowledgement and huffed as I was suddenly pushed away from a hand on my sternum.

Before she could fully retreat, I gently grasped the hand that had pushed me, being careful not to actually hurt or bruise her, and brushed it against my lips. With that I completed my act as a fan who tried to get a bit too handsy.

I braced myself for what I knew was coming, and grimaced in pain as I felt my cheek bloom with the sting of a slap. It wasn't nearly as hard as it could have been if we weren't acting, but the slap was still a real one. My cheek felt hot, and I raised my hands in surrender as I got up.

Robin was glaring at me, though I could see from the windows to her soul that she seemed a bit remorseful for the slap. She probably didn't expect it to go this way, but she seemed to understand my plan.

I could feel the gazes of everyone in the lounge linger upon my skin, like insects attempting to burrow their way into me and dig out my secrets. They were scornful, and none of them seemed to have a positive impression of me. Which was exactly what I was aiming for. Unfortunately, this also included my own group. Himeko was giving me a particularly nasty glare, and March's jaw was dropped open. Stelle seemed to be looking at me as if I had grown another head, and Welt looked thoughtful, more than anything.

"Sorry about the disturbance." I said, as slick and greasy as a snake oil salesman. I slid back into the same seat before I left. "Anything I need to catch up on?"

Himeko was still glaring at me. I could see the fire behind her eyes. "You and I are going to have a long chat about respect later." She said to me.

My stomach dipped. I really didn't like disappointing someone like that, even if I was going to explain everything as soon as the group had the chance to be alone.

"Ahaha… Sorry about that." I said, my tone conveying that there wasn't a hint of remorse. If there was one thing I was doing, it was playing my role well. If even my own Astral Express crewmates weren't suspecting anything then I knew I was on the right path. "How about I explain everything when we get our rooms? You can all meet in mine and I'll deeply apologize for hurting the image of the Express."

"Z-Zenith. What- I thought you said you were old friends with her?" March questioned. She looked heartbroken at my actions.

I kicked Stelle's leg under the table. She startled for a second before making eye contact with me. "I-I think we should hear her out. At least postpone this conversation until we can talk alone." She backed me up.

"Yup! Did we finally get our room keys?" I chirped with a smile.

Himeko slowly exhaled, like an engine letting out steam. She still was glaring at me, but relented for a bit. "No, not yet. We're still waiting. They said at least another hour-" Himeko frowned and stopped talking as her phone began to buzz.

As she spoke, Stelle kicked me back to get my attention. "What happened?" She whispered to me with a frown.

"Remember that thing we talked about earlier?" I asked, keeping it intentionally vague. I watched as she stiffened with alarm. "We'll talk about it when we get our rooms."

We didn't have time to say much more, because Himeko had finished her call with a surprised look on her face.

"Sorry about that." She apologized. "I've just been informed that all of our rooms have been upgraded to 'Super' VIP rooms, including Zenith and Stelle."

I wanted to whistle. Damn, Robin worked fast. It hadn't even been a full ten minutes since I told her about it.

Welt raised an eyebrow. He glanced back towards me. I pretended not to notice. "Those normally aren't available outside of specific circumstances. I wonder why they suddenly changed their tune…" He trailed off.

I realized quickly that Welt was much more perceptive than I originally thought. He had always been relatively subdued, and now I knew that it was simply because he chose not to get involved. I knew not to speak up, lest even more attention gets brought my way, so I kicked Stelle again

"Isn't that a good thing?" Stelle questioned. "If they wanted to compensate us this way, who are we to look away?"

"Yeah!" March agreed. "I have no idea what's in the 'Super' VIP rooms, but if it has the word super in it then it must be duper cozy!"

I coughed a laugh away. I never realized March's mysterious mastery of the language. Otherwise, how would she be able to produce a sentence like that?

"If that's the case, let's move on. I still don't feel back to a hundred percent from earlier, so I'd like an opportunity to rest." I added my two cents.

"Don't think you'll be getting any chance to rest when I'm done with you." Himeko glared at me.

Fuck. Her words were such a double entendre. It was so tempting. I really couldn't help myself. I shot her a wink and a flirty smile. "If I knew you felt this way earlier we could have-"

"Hah!" Himeko laughed angrily, cutting me off. "Do not finish that sentence young lady. You are not getting out of this by acting cute."

"So you think I'm cute?" I quipped.

"Zenith. We are done talking."

I shut my mouth and followed along as Himeko got up and silently led the way out of the VIP Lounge. We went back to the main reception area of Penacony and received our key cards for our rooms. They came in a decorated gemstone embedded silver box and were black cards with gold striped lines. There weren't any identifying factors to them besides a silver number in the center. I had room 4.

We were escorted by an attendant up a private elevator, and brought to a room with a great chandelier attached to the ceiling and stairs on opposite ends of the room. Each set of stairs let up to a long hallway that extended horizontally. There seemed to be eight 'Super' VIP rooms in total, and each side of one hallway was dedicated to one door. Himeko, Stelle, March and Welt got rooms 5 through 8, which meant they were all on one side of the room, while I was on the other.

Stelle, March, Welt all went to their respective rooms to check it out. I did the same, but Himeko was following me silently. She had a stern expression on her face the entire time.

I pressed my key card against the lock and stepped inside. The room was big, nearly similar in size to the VIP lounge. There was a private small hot tub on the far end, a shower with glass windows for anyone who wanted to peek in, and everything one could possibly think of. A fully equipped kitchen, laundry machines, several big TVs, computers. I could have spent my time thinking of anything that would be in a high end house and it would be here.

Himeko and I must have finished our survey of the room at the same time, because we both glanced at each other.

"You-" Himeko started, before I interrupted her.

"Wait! Help me search for bugs." I said. My paranoia leaked in just the tiniest bit. It's not like I didn't trust Robin, but I wanted to be safe rather than sorry.

"…I don't think a room as grand as this has bugs, Zenith."

I shook my head and tapped one of my ears. Himeko sighed and just nodded. She went along with me and helped search every nook and cranny of the room. I checked underneath the cushions in the couches, in between the furniture and even underneath the mattress. I didn't find anything of note except for the fact that the mattress was unbelievably soft.

"Okay. No bugs. Firstly, I'll apologize for everything I said. I had a reason for it, and I promise it's a good one." I said to start things off.

Himeko stared at me, before taking a deep breath. "I don't understand. What's going on?"

"Trust me when I say, I was just as surprised as you when Robin invited me over. It's true that we DO know each other. It's just not something I was expecting to be so public. She let me know some very important things happening in Penacony annnnnd that's a conversation that is most certainly best to have with everyone present because it may or may not contain the fate of everyone here on Penacony!" I revealed.

Himeko pursed her rose colored lips. "That doesn't sound good. But I trust you. I don't think you would joke about something like this."

We called on the rest of the Express to gather, and even dialed Dan Heng to be a part of such a conversation. As I ushered in the last member of the Express on Penacony, I noticed my 'Super' VIP neighbor take a step out of their room. It was a taller woman with hair the shade of pale pink clematis flowers. Her eyes were a pastel blue and her pupils seemed to be slitted, almost as if they belonged to a snake. Half of her outfit seemed to be a dress with checkered black and blue triangles, while the other half was a striking white. The front of it plunged into a deep V, revealing a tantalizing valley of cleavage trapped in lacy lingerie that drew my eyes for more time than was respectable. The atmosphere she exuded seemed to be elegant, yet delightfully seductive.

"Oh." She said. Her voice was velvety, just the sound of it was sultry and seemed to ensnare the senses. It caused a shiver to run down my spine. "It's you."

I tensed. This was the second time I had been recognized by someone I didn't know. Although the first time they immediately identified themselves as an ally, I couldn't guarantee this would end up like Robin. Was this someone I knew from my dreams? Regardless, until they revealed themselves, I needed to keep up the act that I put in the VIP lounge.

"I would never forget the name of such a beautiful woman, so I'm afraid you've caught me unaware." I said as I closed the door to my room behind me, and gave the woman in front of me an easy-going lightly flirtatious smile.

"You're a bit different than what I've been told." The woman said mysteriously. She seemed to take a sort of pleasure in knowing things that I didn't, but revealed her cards in the next sentence. "My name is Jade. Many of my clients call me 'Lady Bonajade'. I work with the IPC's Strategic Investment Department and run the Bonajade Exchange."

It took half a beat for everything to click. "I'm Zenith. I must have left quite the impression on Topaz for her to mention me." I said, forcing amusement into my voice.

Topaz, Jade. Their names shared a theme. They had a coworker named Pearl as well. I should look them up when I have the chance.

"Quite. I'm sure you two will have a chance to catch up. She's here on Penacony as well." Jade spoke and left a second of silence in the conversation. I suspected it was to unnerve me, but that was just an impression I was getting rather than anything concrete. She reached into her bodice, causing my breath to hitch at the hint of beauty that was revealed, and pulled out a business card. "Should you ever need something, anything in the galaxy, I will be of service."

I took the business card and noted its coldness. It should have been warm considering its storage location, but it was simply room temperature. Odd. The design on the business card was unlike Robin's. It didn't have a picture of her, simply a name, a logo of a snake, and a number.

"I appreciate the offer. I'll certainly think about it if it means I get to hear your voice." I told her, doing my best to stick to the act. Each second under her gaze felt as if she were trying to peel me apart and see what was underneath.

"Enjoy your time at Penacony." Jade bowed, dipping just a bit closer to me. Our proximity was just close enough that I got a whiff of her perfume. It reminded me of wine and apples.

I didn't talk about my meeting with Jade, as I didn't deem it important compared to everything else.

The rest of the crew was understandably shocked when I revealed that the dreamscape was destabilizing, as well as the fact that reality, at least to me, felt extremely similar to a dream. March, on the other hand, was more shocked that I knew Robin and that our entire act was made up. Apparently we got into trouble so often that she had come into Penacony expecting something to go wrong but was hoping for the best. Which was fair.

"So the slap was fake?" March gasped.

I frowned and turned my head so that my cheek was facing her. "Does this look fake?" I pointed towards my face where it was still red.

When I surveyed the room earlier with Himeko I had stolen a look in the bathroom mirror. It wasn't inflamed or anything but it was certainly a noticeable hand print if one stared at me for longer than a few seconds.

"No. Wait, so she really got mad at you and slapped you? Are you two like… exes? But weren't you on Belobog? How did you two meet? Who confessed first? Who broke up? Is she mad that you went on that date on the Xianzhou? Does she know you're dating again yet tried to make a move on her? She must know, otherwise why would she slap you for real!" March spoke in rapid fire.

The rest of the crew was silent and stared at March, then they turned their attention back to me.

"What." I deadpanned. "No. We're not exes. We don't have that kind of relationship. Today was the first time we met in real life."

"Ohhh. So you were in an online situationship with her. No wonder!"

I facepalmed. From the video call I saw Dan Heng also facepalm. "Let's move on. What are we going to do about the dreamscape?" I urged the conversation forward.

"Our best bet is to explore the dreamscape ourselves. The corruption of something on such a large scale sounds like the work of a Stellaron. If it's been around long enough, it might be possible that the Stellaron has hidden its physical form in the dreamscape rather than out here." Welt commented.

"…Or it could be hidden by The Family." Dan Heng added his two cents.

Himeko nodded. "The Family isn't one entity. There's many factions to it. If it's possible to control the dreamscape by controlling the Stellaron then it's likely that at least one faction has knowledge of it and is using it for their own gain. Why they've continued to the point of the dreamscape destabilizing is another matter." She said.

"Wouldn't it be dangerous to use the dreamscape if it's destabilized?" Stelle asked.

"For now, no. If it was dangerous to the point that it was unusable we would be hearing a lot more about it. There are several high profile guests currently in attendance. If they suddenly went missing then Penacony would be swarmed." Himeko explained. "As for the near future… that's another story. It just means we need to be quick."

Stelle didn't seem convinced, so I offered her a solution. "I can pull you out of the dream if you need." I told her.

Welt looked contemplative at my sentence. As if it reminded him of something. "You said that reality seemed like a dream to you, Zenith. And Robin also said that the dreamscape could leak into reality. If it's possible that we're in a dream right now, how would we go about waking up?"

"I…" I hesitated. I didn't have an answer to that. I had already tried waking up, to no avail. It could have been any number of things, truthfully. I could be wrong in the assumption of my own skills. I could be wrong in my feelings regarding dreams. We could be dealing with something greater than my ability to control. But whatever it was, it wasn't something I could do myself. "I'm not sure. I tried earlier but was unsuccessful."

"I don't feel anything." March shrugged. "It all seems the same to me."

"Zenith is memoria sensitive, remember her reaction when we arrived in Penacony?" Himeko reminded.

"What about Stelle? Do you feel something?"

Stelle stared at her hand for a moment in silence. She twisted it, turned it over and continued observing it. "Just an odd sense of deja vu."

My memoria sensitivity and whether or not it was actually real aside, I frowned at her description. I wasn't liking the implications of everything going on, but I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was that was bothering me.

"…Well does it really matter about all this? It doesn't change our goal! We can still find out more about the Stellaron and if we can seal it then we can worry about all this later." March cut in with a surprisingly level headed take.

"I agree." Dan Heng chimed in. "I've been monitoring some of the atmosphere using the Astral Express and nothing is standing out as immediately critical. This means that we can put aside this mystery for now and focus on the destabilization of the dreamscape by sealing the source of it."

I frowned but stayed silent. I felt like it was a much more important point than they were making it out to be, but it could also be just because I'm the only one who could feel the tangible difference. Alternatively it could be I was making too much of a deal out of it for the same reason.

"Okay. Can we test something first? I need to know if the dreamscape is actually a shared dream." I insisted.

This one was more for my personal curiosity than anything else. I didn't doubt that there was a collective unconsciousness that everyone can roam via dreaming, but I needed to verify it myself, if only to settle my mind.

"You don't think it is?" Himeko raised an eyebrow.

"No. I do. I just need to verify it for my own peace of mind. All I want is for two of you to meet up in the dreamscape and share a word I said with only one of you, then report back to me."

"I'll test it then." Stelle volunteered.

"Okay! I'll test it too!" March said. "Let me be the one to know the word first so I can stay in the dreamscape longer!"

Stelle shrugged and excused herself back to her room. March looked at me expectantly.

"When winter comes, camellias bloom." I told her.

"When winter comes, camellias bloom! Got it!" March said, and bounded out the door. I escorted her back to her room, if only to ensure that the two didn't meet up in reality.

Welt and Himeko were back in my room, the two of them seemed to be stuck in their own thoughts in silence. Dan Heng had hung up, likely to continue his monitoring of the atmosphere. I decided to break the ice.

"What do you think about working with Robin?" I pitched. "She seems committed to solving this crisis."

Welt nodded. "It would be good to have someone with close ties to The Family on our side."

Himeko was silent for a bit longer. "How do you know Robin? It's only been a few months since you left Belobog." The accusation of it being extremely unlikely for us to meet and know each other was left unsaid.

Stelle's words from earlier reared their head. Extending a branch of trust… wasn't something I felt like I could do. Not on this particular topic. But maybe just a glimpse.

"It has to do with my path." I said, plunging my emotions into the cold sea. "I'd prefer not to say much more. It's not safe for me to talk about my path so openly, even if I do trust you two. I'll tell you the full story eventually, I promise, but not here in Penacony. Not until this crisis is resolved."

The two senior Astral Express members looked serious, but ultimately nodded in understanding.

"You can trust us, Zenith. We would never try to harm you." Himeko said, her eyes softening. Even if she heard me say that, she repeated it as if to emphasize that fact.

"I know. It's just… I've already had two incidents regarding people wanting me for my path, so I've quickly learned that the less people who know, the better for my health." I repeated.

"We'll respect your wishes. Do you trust Robin?" Welt asked.

"I trust that she intends to do her best to save Penacony from impending disaster. I trust that she cares for the livelihood of strangers. I believe those two align enough with our goals that we can at least trust her intentions." I told the two my honest thoughts.

"Then we'll trust you. Do you have any way of contacting her?" Himeko spoke.

"I'll put her on now." I said, and dialed the number that Robin gave me, placing it on the table and turning on the speaker. It rang four times before it was picked up. I didn't directly say Robin's name, instead using her nickname that my dream self gave her. "Primadonna, is that you? Are you alone?"

Using the word 'Primadonna' as a nickname for an intergalactic superstar got me an incredulous look from both my crewmates.

"Yes, Midnight. It is I. Your Primadonna! And yes! I am alone!" I heard Robin's telltale voice. It had the natural singsong lilt that I heard earlier, except extremely exaggerated from whatever sort of act she was putting on.

I pursed my lips. "Uh. Primadonna, you're on speaker-"

"Let me tell you a story I had about a very rude fan today. A lovely black haired girl who I bought a drink so we could have a wonderful chat together. And what did she do? She tried to seduce me! The nerve of some people!" Robin complained. I could hear the accusation and grievance in her voice.

Both Welt and Himeko turned their attention from my phone that was on speaker to me.

"…You're on speaker-"

"AND THEN!" Robin cut me off. Again. It was almost as if she had to vent her grievances toward my acting. "It would have been fine if she simply told me that was what she was going to do. We had a little duo act going on after all. But she decides to jump into a completely different character than what I ever imagined her doing. I had to slap her! I tried to make it not hurt, I- uhm. I hope it didn't hurt. But I had to slap her to finish the scene!"

I gnawed on my lip. "It only stung for a minute. It was a good realistic stage slap."

"That's good. I was surprised by your acting. You weren't lying when you said you were confident in your acting. I actually thought you were really trying to seduce me for a second." Robin admitted.

"…And if I was?" I asked, only for Himeko to elbow me. "Ahem! I mean, thanks for the compliment. I was just trying to let you know that you're on speaker phone."

"…" There was silence from the other side. "With who?"

"I have two other Astral Express members here. I told them about what's happening with Penacony and we were hoping to keep in contact regularly until the current crisis is resolved."

Robin went silent again. I almost thought she had disconnected the call if it wasn't for the fact that my phone buzzed with two texts that popped up on my screen.

ZENITH WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE ON SPEAKER!

AHHHHH!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF IN FRONT OF THE ASTRAL EXPRESS!

Both Himeko and Welt read the texts as well. They both looked incredibly amused.

"I did tell you were on speaker. And uh, Himeko and Welt can see your texts as well. My phone is sitting on a table and we're crowded around it." I informed her.

"…" Robin was silent again before she completely shifted gears. "Hello esteemed guests from the Astral Express. I've been wanting to talk with you for quite some time, and I have Zenith to thank for volunteering to be my point of contact."

She seemed completely diplomatic, as if everything that she had said to me was merely a dream conjured by the dense memoria surrounding Penacony.

Both Himeko and Welt looked from the phone to me, and then back to the phone.

"Huh." Himeko mused. "I guess birds of a feather truly do flock together."

"So it seems." Welt agreed.

I felt vaguely offended. "Hey. What's that supposed to mean?"