Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Detention.

Renamon had heard the word before, mostly from Minoru and Kaito. The understanding was there. It was supposed to be a punishment for something you’ve done wrong.

Sitting with Miu and Miyuki under the watchful eye of some stuffy teacher, Renamon still can’t understand what they’ve all apparently done to be in this situation. No school rules were broken, no one was hurt.

Renamon could only curse that annoying gym teacher.

“Boys on the right, girls on the left!” The man had shouted.

Renamon blinked at the arbitrary division. This class had eight boys and twelve girls. Any other team composition would have made more sense, and yet this is what this man chose. For seemingly no reason.

Renamon follows Miyuki, and that’s when the problems start.

“Hey Minase, you’re on the wrong side!” Some boy Renamon couldn’t care less about shouted, and suddenly all attention shifted.

“Minase, go join the other boys.” The gym teacher said.

“No.”

And it was as if with that one word, everything shifted. The teacher’s eyes narrowed, a mild sign of aggression in humans.

“Minase, I know you and your sister were out of school for a while.” The man starts. “But when a teacher tells you to do something, you do it.”

“No. I need to stay with Miyuki.”

Despite what Renamon thought was a clear explanation, the man only seethed more.

“It’s just a game. Get over with the boys so everyone can play.” He marched over, looking to pull Renamon away.

The second hand met wrist, Renamon smacked him away. Even careful moderation of strength wasn’t enough apparently, because the teacher stumbled back a few steps.

Chaos descends. Miu tries to intervene, scrambling to tell the man that “Ren’s just really worried about his sister! She used to be really sick, y'know?”

Even that doesn’t help, and she and Miyuki are dragged into the conflict. In the end, all three of them are sent to detention.

Renamon had warmed up to Miu. No one would ever quite match up as a guardian for Miyuki, but Renamon had to admit Miu held something of an edge in this human world, under these human rules.

I could do it myself, thoughts insist, but more people protecting Miyuki is always better.

Miu’s intervention earlier was further proof that she could be trusted to help Miyuki. (Renamon begrudgingly admits that maybe her help could be useful for more than Miyuki, but resolves to never say it out loud.) The fact that this situation happened at all is still frustrating.

Really, what was the point?

Miu explains that divisions like that were common. So normal that no one even thought twice about it. Just like how children their age were supposed to find a teacher’s authority so normal so as to not question it.

How annoying.

It would have been easier if ‘Ren’ was a girl, then Renamon would never have to be separated from Miyuki. It wasn't as if Renamon cared either way, the topic of gender hadn’t even been considered until going to school actually brought it up. Akiharu had put one down on the records without asking, and that was the end of it. Renamon didn’t realize until now that the box marking (M) actually meant something.

“Should have told them I’m a girl.” Renamon grumbled.

“But aren’t you a boy?” Miu asked. “I mean, you kind of picked that body, so we all just kind of…” She trailed off, not really sure how to articulate whatever she wanted to say.

And really, Renamon would have thought the answer was obvious. “I’m not human. Kemonogami have different ways of speaking that might change how people treat us, but we don’t have ‘genders’ like you do. This body was just the one Miyuki liked the most, so I kept it. That’s it.”

“Oh.” Miyuki seemed to come to some kind of realization, but she didn’t speak up. A moment of silence descended.

“I think if I had to pick one, it would be male.” Renamon said after a while. “But if it comes with being forced away from Miyuki, I don’t want to.”

“If you didn’t have to pick one?” Miyuki asked.

Renamon considered the scenario, but the answer came quickly. “Then I just wouldn’t pick. There’s good and bad sides to both options, neither of them really seem worth it. You humans make things so complicated, why bother?”

“I never really thought about it that way.” Whatever it is about what Renamon’s saying that’s getting this reaction out of Miyuki, Renamon isn’t really sure about. It’s something that will have to be asked later, when they’ve returned home.

Renamon checks the clock and groans.

Half an hour more.

Chapter Text

Miyuki has always felt a sort of detached neutrality towards her body. Saying she disliked it was a bit much, but it would be a lie to say she felt anything positive about how she looked. If she had to say, she appreciated being a little taller than other girls her age. Just enough that when Haru was little even strangers could tell she was older.

Everything else?

Well, let's just say she didn't mind being in the master's domain as much as she probably should have. When she wasn't actively in danger, being a disembodied soul wasn't so bad. Even as trapped as she was, it never felt suffocating.

She might have lost track of time, but that probably would have happened even if she was suffering.

There are facts about Miyuki that will never change. Miyuki is a shrine maiden. Miyuki is Haru's sister. These are titles that Miyuki has always worn with pride, even with the burdens that come with them.

There's one more fact that will never change about Miyuki. She and Renamon are partners. Two halves of the same soul.

And yet, Renamon said he would pick male.

If he was forced to, she reminded herself, because Renamon's true answer is to choose nothing.

Being a girl is something Miyuki has never really had a choice in. She's not like Renamon, who can change forms if it's not suitable. It's not something she got to pick, so she never really put much thought into it.

Now Renamon's words repeat in her mind, and for the first time, she wonders.

It's different, I'm not a Kemonogami. Miyuki thinks. But if I was, I'd pick nothing too. But if he had to, Renamon would pick male. Is that supposed to balance me out? Mirror me and make us nothing together?

The more Miyuki tries to come up with an answer, the more she only manages to confuse herself.

It doesn't matter, she decides. Humans can't be nothing.

It still keeps bothering her. Now that she’s gotten started, she can’t stop thinking about it. The disconnect was easier to ignore when it wasn’t something she had a say in.

I’m human, I don’t get to pick. But even reminding herself of that didn’t stop the thoughts from popping up when she wasn’t distracted by something else.

Eventually the thoughts grew until they were spilling from her mouth to the one person Miyuki doesn’t want to cause more problems.

I’m Haru’s big sister. I’m supposed to take care of him, not bother him with problems he can’t solve.

But even as she thinks that, the words won’t stop now that they’ve started. When she’s done talking, Haru only sits back and watches her with a thoughtful expression.

“This is an unusual issue.”

“I know.” Miyuki said. “Sorry, I know you’re busy with your blog.”

“I don’t mind.” Haru leaned forward, taking one of her hands. “Miyuki, you were gone for a long time. The fact that we got you back at all means the world to me. If all it takes to make you happy here is putting in a bit of research, then it’s a price I’m more than willing to pay.”

“It’s not a problem?”

“I would never think any less of you. Especially not for something like this.”

Miyuki doesn’t remember much else about the conversation through her relief.