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Stop Thinking & Just Listen

Summary:

Yoongi's mind is a mess. He has never felt more insecure in his life than he does right now. His career success and happy relationship have led to him outgrowing nearly every pair of pants he owns and it has him spiraling. So much so, that he is considering bailing on Jungkook's birthday dinner, but he can't do that. Instead, Yoongi is just an anxious mess until his partner and friends finally get through to him.

or

Yoongi is feeling very insecure over his recent weight gain, but Hoseok and their best friends help him through it.

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Yoongi stood in front of the mirror in the bedroom with a defeated sigh, finally giving up on buttoning his pants. He should never have agreed to go to Jungkook’s birthday dinner, but he also knew his friends would never let him pass it up without a good reason. 

His weight had slowly been climbing up over the past few months. Shifting to a full production studio at home and the ability to work fewer hours due to a more stable income had been a double threat on his waistline. 

The snacking, the takeout, the early nights, the late mornings. It was all starting to add up on the scale. His clothes were getting tighter and the insecurities were getting more intense with every pair of pants that left marks on his pale skin and every t-shirt that clung to his softening midsection.

Yoongi never thought he would care about something like his weight. He didn’t consider himself vain or caught up in what people thought about his looks, but when the number on the scale was higher every time he weighed himself, it started to chip at his hardened resolve. 

Hoseok was watching him from the bathroom where he was fixing his hair with an endeared expression. Call him strange, but he thought his partner was more handsome than ever with his new added weight even if Yoongi disagreed. 

“Yoon, would you just try on the pants I bought you? I think they will look great,” Hoseok suggested, having known this exact scenario would play out so he went out and bought a few bigger options to have on hand. 

Yoongi sighed again and ran a stressed hand through his hair. “It feels like I’m giving up if I wear those.”

“Giving up on what? Comfort?” Hoseok asked with a confused expression. He couldn’t understand his partner’s opposition to new clothes. 

“Losing the weight! I’ve really been trying, but nothing is working.”

Yoongi was getting afraid of how often they were having this conversation. The last thing he wanted to do was push Hoseok away. That certainly would destroy him much worse than putting on some weight. 

But, at the same time, it felt like Hoseok wasn’t hearing him. His partner wasn’t exactly sabotaging his diet, but he wasn’t helping either. If Yoongi mentioned he was craving something, Hoseok got it for him. He had always been one to treat Yoongi and their friends, but now that Yoongi was actually eating more - treating was baked goods and snack foods instead of an iced Americano or a glass of whiskey. 

“Babe, first of all, you don’t need to lose anything - you look great. Also, that is the worst reason to wear clothes that actually fit. Just try on the pants, for me, please?” 

Yoongi mumbled something that sounded like ‘low blow’ before grabbing the pair of black jeans off the stack on their dresser. He pulled them on and they slid up his body perfectly, zipping without any resistance. 

“See, those look great and I bet they feel much better, right?”

“Yeah, they are nice,” Yoongi replied, sounding more positive. “You really think I don’t need to lose any weight?” 

“Yoongi, I will love you no matter what you look like, but no, I don’t think you need to lose a pound. I’ll be honest, I’m happy that you are finally eating regular meals,” Hoseok explained, walking over to hug his partner while he did. 

Yoongi hummed in agreement. “I love you, too,” he replied before leaning in for a kiss. He took Hoseok’s words in and he really did try his best to believe him, but that angry little corner of his brain was still chattering. 

He knew his partner never said anything he didn’t mean, but Yoongi’s brain was making that very difficult to understand at that moment. Surely Hoseok was just saying those things to be supportive, not because he meant them. 

His brain was telling him that his grumpy disposition and introverted personality were already enough for Hoseok to put up with. The last thing Yoongi needed to do was add fat partner with a lack of self-control to the equation. 

Yoongi tried to reason with himself that he hadn’t gained enough to be considered fat, but he was aware that he was definitely considered chubby now and on his way to being fat if his appetite and poor eating habits didn’t slow down. 

“Hey,” Hoseok said, effectively cutting off his divisive thoughts. 

“Yeah?” 

Wrapping his arms around Yoongi’s shoulders, Hoseok pulled him into a warm embrace. “Would I lie to you?” 

Yoongi pulled back and looked at him with wide eyes. He never understood how Hoseok could literally read his mind sometimes. Letting out a low sigh, Yoongi pushed the thoughts away once again. “No, you wouldn’t. I know that, I promise.” 

Hoseok smiled and whispered that he was proud of him, taking his hand to leave their bedroom. Yoongi was silent throughout the entire time of putting on their shoes and heading out to the car so Hoseok decided to give him some time to think everything over. 

Although he wouldn’t admit it out loud, Yoongi was nervous about going to dinner while also feeling guilty about being nervous. This was a birthday dinner for one of their best friends with all of their other best friends attending, but there was also more to Yoongi’s insecurities than simply some outgrown pants.

He knew they wouldn’t say anything hurtful toward him with genuine intentions, but Yoongi also feared the potential interactions. Jin and Tae liked to tease him and weight was an easy thing to poke fun at while Namjoon and Jungkook both were unintentionally insulting at times with the way they spoke so bluntly even though they never meant any harm. 

And, of course, his friendship with Jimin thrived on banter and sarcasm. He knew they never took it too far, but they also hadn’t seen each other in nearly two months with their conflicting work schedules. Yoongi’s recent weight gain would likely be the very first thing Jimin noticed. 

Yoongi was so caught up in his head that he jumped when Hoseok parked the car, not even realizing they had left home let alone arrived at Jimin and Jungkook’s place. 

Hoseok nearly gave him the option to back out of going in, but he decided that Yoongi shouldn’t let the insecurities stop him from enjoying a night with their friends. Besides the fact that Jungkook would be quite upset with him bailing on dinner which would lead to an angry Jimin and no one wanted that. 

The entire walk through the lobby and the ride up the elevator were silent. All Hoseok initiated was a gentle hold of Yoongi’s left hand, tracing his thumb across his skin in a comforting way. It felt like the best way to support him at that moment. 

Yoongi was bracing himself for their entry into the apartment, knowing they were the last to arrive considering his lengthy try-on session of nearly every pair of his too-small pants. Hoseok knocked on the door without a moment of hesitation and Yoongi tried to ignore the fact that his heart rate was picking up as they were getting closer to potential discussions or comments about his growing waistline. 

Namjoon answered the door after they heard a voice directing him to in response to the knock. Yoongi let out a small sigh of relief knowing that he felt less exposed with Namjoon greeting them which brought the guilt right back about thinking poorly of his other friends. 

Sensing something was eating up Yoongi’s thoughts, Namjoon greeted them calmly and allowed Hoseok to pull Yoongi inside with him. Before they even had a chance to remove their shoes, Jimin was barreling into the entryway. 

“Yoongi-hyung! I missed you!” Jimin called out, throwing his arms around Yoongi and tucking his face in his shoulder. 

Hoseok didn’t miss the way Yoongi tensed under Jimin’s hold. If their dongsaeng noticed, he didn’t say a word. He hoped that Jimin’s happy demeanor would offer Yoongi some relief. 

With the lacking reaction, Jimin pulled back and placed his hands on Yoongi’s shoulders. “I know you say I annoy you every chance you get, but you really didn’t miss me at all?” Jimin asked with an exaggerated pout. 

Yoongi was waiting for more, waiting for the sting of his best friends noticing his lack of self-control, waiting for Jimin to look him up and down while trying to hide his shock or disgust. Surely Jimin noticed the added softness around his middle when he hugged him or realized the larger difference between them now that was never present before. 

Deciding to end the awkward silence and prepare for the impending comments later on in the night, Yoongi pulled Jimin back into a more genuine embrace. “Of course, I missed you, you brat.” 

Jimin just laughed and accepted the second hug with enthusiasm. He even smacked a kiss on Yoongi’s cheek which caused another bout of worry to flare up, hoping that Jimin wouldn’t say anything about his softening face. But, again, Jimin said nothing of the sort. 

The anticipation of their eventual comments might have been worse than them just saying it outright. Yoongi felt on edge and exposed like a raw nerve waiting for the sharp pain of his friends’ words to target his body. 

He hadn’t even noticed that the others had joined to welcome them while Jimin turned his focus on Hoseok, pulling him in for a hug that was just as tight and loving as Yoongi’s. Tae and Jin greeted them both with equally warm hugs, again with no comments. 

His breath caught when Tae hesitated before pulling him in for a hug, thinking the worst. What Yoongi would have realized if he were in a healthy headspace was Taehyung wanting to make sure his hyung was alright, the tension blatant on his face. 

Yoongi had to take a moment to breathe as he felt his hands begin to shake from the anxiety. He hid it behind the need to untie his shoes, thinking the entire time that they must be staring at the growing love handles that pushed out over his waistband when he bent over. 

He was berating himself for taking off his jacket already and not wearing an oversized hoodie to hide under. Yoongi had to restrain himself from the instinct to pull down his shirt even though he wasn’t at risk of showing any skin. It registered that he was taking way too long and stood up too quickly.

Jungkook was waiting patiently for him when Yoongi stood up, catching his hyung from stumbling over. Yoongi felt the blood rush to his face and forced out a strangled laugh at his clumsy movement. 

He was a little thankful that it was the youngest who would have seen him since Jungkook was unlikely to say a word on his own. He would possibly jump into a later conversation, but Yoongi felt safe at that moment at least. 

“Happy Birthday, kid,” Yoongi said as he opened his arms for Jungkook who accepted with a smile, trying to move past the odd interaction as quickly as possible. 

“Thank you, hyung,” Jungkook replied, stepping back after he realized that Yoongi felt a little tense. Jungkook knew the perils of social anxiety and assumed that his hyung was having a rough night or felt embarrassed by his near fall.

Yoongi, of course, took that as Jungkook realizing the added weight on his body and wanting to cut the hug short out of discomfort or judgment. His brain was calling him an idiot for not recognizing that Jungkook clearly felt how heavy he must’ve been trying to keep him upright. He awkwardly excused himself to the bathroom while the others went back to their spots around the apartment. 

Namjoon and Jungkook headed back to the couch to continue the discussion of a recent album they were having while Jimin continued showing Taehyung photos of his and Jungkook’s recent trip to New York. Hoseok felt himself being pulled toward the kitchen before he even had a chance to decide where to go or what to do.

Yet, in Yoongi’s mind, they were all obviously talking in hushed tones about his growing belly and chubby cheeks. Although, he wasn’t entirely wrong - there were two talking about him but not quite in the way his mind had convinced him.

“What’s up with him?” Jin asked as he made himself and Hoseok a cocktail, tilting his head toward the hallway that Yoongi had just walked down.

Hoseok rolled his eyes and leaned against the counter. “He finally agreed to wear the new pants I got him and agreed they fit well, but he’s been weird ever since.”

“Oh, he’s still on the weight thing? I think he looks great. He doesn’t look like a sleep-deprived toothpick anymore,” Jin replied, both laughing at the description. 

“I mean, I agree, but I also think he looks great all the time,” Hoseok said with a fond smile before he added, “I just want him to stop worrying about it so much.” 

Jin went to respond when they were cut off by Jimin’s voice addressing Yoongi who had returned from the bathroom. “Oh, Yoongi-hyung, are those new pants? Where are they from? Your ass looks fantastic.”

They heard the others laughing at the assumed blush on Yoongi’s face, especially since Jimin sounded completely genuine. 

“Well, I think that is certainly a start,” Jin said with a smile as he tapped his glass against Hoseok’s and walked away. 

Hoseok found Yoongi’s eyes as they walked back into the room and couldn’t help himself from sending a wink in his direction, only intensifying the pink color in his cheeks.

“U-Uh, thanks, Jimin-ah. Hobi got them for me,” Yoongi answered softly, caught off guard by the compliment when he had been preparing himself for the worst all day. For the first time since they left the house, Yoongi ignored the thoughts racing through his brain and listened to Jimin’s words instead. 

Jimin immediately jumped into asking Hoseok where he found the pants while he took a seat on Jungkook’s lap. He motioned for Hoseok to sit beside them while Taehyung also listened in on the conversation, interested in anything clothing related. 

Namjoon excused himself to refill his drink in the kitchen while Jin took his chance to talk with Yoongi. He walked over and bumped his shoulder into him. 

“Hey, you know Jiminie’s right,” Jin said nonchalantly, sipping on his drinking as he waited for a reply. 

“I-I..hyung, you know how Min-ah is, any chance to tease me,” Yoongi said, denying that the compliment was legitimate even though his heart was holding onto Jimin’s words tightly. 

Jin shook his head. “Come on, that wasn’t teasing and you know it. He meant it. You look great, healthy. I’m happy about it, honestly.” 

Yoongi’s brain came to a screeching halt as if Jin’s words simply would not compute or register. He coughed like he was physically choking on the words and felt Jin’s comforting hand on his back. 

“Oh, so dramatic, take it easy,” Jin joked, lighting the mood after dropping on bombshell on Yoongi just a moment before. 

“Hyung…I-I…what?” 

“Yoongi-ah, seriously, I mean it. You used to worry me, you know. I felt like I could see right through you when you used to run on Americanos and random naps. Knowing that you are actually eating real meals and getting full nights of sleep makes your hyung’s heart very happy,” Jin explained as if it were the easiest thing in the world. 

The tear fell down Yoongi’s cheek before he even realized he was crying. Jin tsked and wiped it away, thankful that the others hadn’t tried to barge into the conversation. 

“Thank you, Jin,” Yoongi said finally, feeling like a heavy burden had started to lift off his shoulders. 

“That’s hyung to you,” Jin replied, jokingly scolding him as he tapped Yoongi on the chin. “Let’s go get you a drink. You need one.” 

Yoongi laughed, a deep and genuine one that he felt hadn’t come out in quite a while. When Hoseok looked at him with a bit of watery expression, he realized that he had been stuck up in his thoughts for too long. 

Making a mental note to talk it over with Hoseok and apologize for worrying his partner, Yoongi decided to let go for the evening. “Hey, I thought this was a dinner party,” Yoongi said as they rejoined the group. 

Jimin’s smile grew as he stood up from his perch on Jungkook’s lap. “Well, we were waiting for you two old men to get on with it. You know we can’t eat without Jin-hyung; he gets cranky.” 

“Yah! Park Jimin!” Jin called out, chasing after the younger who escaped to the kitchen. 

Yoongi’s worries only drifted farther away seeing Hoseok’s proud smile followed by Jungkook’s excited voice. 

“Yoongi-hyung! I had Jimin-hyung order us lamb skewers from the place up the road we like. Sit next to me so we can share them.” 

“Of course, Gguk-ah,” Yoongi replied, laughing as Taehyung started bickering with Jungkook about how he liked lamb skewers too. 

Hoseok grabbed his hand again to guide them toward the table, a silent yet strong pillar of support as always. 

Although he was actually starting to feel like himself again, the insecurity wouldn’t disappear just like that. The worries would come back after a bad day or when he inevitably gained more weight, but instead of being afraid of his partner and friends, Yoongi knew he would rely on them.