Archive of Our Own ^beta

Tony really should have stayed home.
The team was fighting arm dealers somewhere near the Grand Canyon, and the whole thing was eerily familiar to Afghanistan. The bare mountains, weapons and most disturbing, a cave. A CAVE. It was used as a hideout base and weapon storage. Tony shivered the moment he saw what it was. It hit too close to home.
It didn’t take much time to deal with the bad guys. They were unprepared and after a couple of repulsor attacks , glares from captain America ,few roars from the hulk , and black widow’s ‘I will bite your head off and then kill you in cold blood’ look , they surrendered. While Nat handcuffed the six guys, Steve volunteered to go scan the cave before the shield agents were dispatched to carry back the weapons. Clint tagged on. However, since banner was still recovering from hulking out, Steve asked tony to join them, just in case. He refused point blank, he couldn’t go back to that cave, it was too cold and dark and he shivered every time he looked at it. But then Steve started questioning his loyalty to the team, and his ego chose for him. God, that man really had a thousand ways to manipulate tony to do what he needed.
They went in, but Clint and Steve had let down their guard. Before tony could warn them ,Clint tripped on a trip wire. The opening to the cave collapsed, causing the three men to stumble and blink in the now dark cave. When the dust settled , the first voice was from tony.
“You guys alright? No one is pancake?”
Clint answered back almost immediately.
“Yeah, iron ass. Nice to know you aren’t a red and gold smudge on the ground too.”
No one else answered.
“Cap? Cap? Shit.”
Tony cursed. He diverted power to his chest light until it was bright enough to see the surrounding. To their relief, Steve was standing near them, but he was frowning, his eyes slightly wide. Clint rushed to his side.
“Steve? You alright? Steve?”
His eyes were unfocused, he managed to look and Clint and blink a few times.
“Clint? What …what just …oh right the cave, yeah I’m fine …this place is so cold, and dark, it reminds me of the ice.”
“Cap, you gotta shake it out. You are fine, you are with us and we will get out in no time and it will be over.” he was quite sure Steve was having flashbacks and that was not a good thing. He led Steve to a corner and sat him down over there. Steve’s eyes were still unfocused and he was muttering nonstop under his breath. Clint caught the word ‘Bucky’. He cursed.
“Why can’t just banner hulk out and open his up? “Tony asked, his voice brittle with fear , but Clint didn’t catch that.
“They won’t risk it. He could bring the whole place down. They are probably going to bring a crane from shield and dig us up. We have enough oxygen, so don’t worry, come on let us take stock of what we have here.” so they left Clint’s emergency flashlight with Steve and walked around the cave. It was pretty big, but it was full of weapon boxes and trunks. Too much like Afghanistan. Tony swallowed. They found a big well type structure, full of water. One sniff told Clint that it was drinkable. There was nothing more to see, so they went back to Steve. He was still huddled up in the corner , curling into himself. His breathing was hitched and short. He shivered when Clint touched him. Clint recognized what he was going through; he had suffered ptsd quite a few times and even thought they weren’t severe , the panic was enough to knock even captain America of his feet.
“tony? He called . go back to the well and bring me water for steve, will you? im pretty sure I saw a mug over there”
“uhhhhh Legolas , do you think you can do it? I don’t really feel like-“
“stark! Your captain needs assistance over here . it is your duty to care for your team mate! Do it now!”
Tony didn’t bothered arguing back to an angry clint. He really didn’t want to , but he started towards the well. If clint cared, he would have noticed the shaking in his hands.
They were holding him over the water, ready to dunk him again and he knew this time he couldn’t hold his breath , there were hands shoving him , pushing him roughly as he struggled ,desperate to break free, and he could hear tem shouting Jericho! Jericho! Demanding a weapon to destroy civilization and yinsen was begging them to leave him alone but he was pushed into the water the battery sparked, shocking him , the open wires reacting to water, his lungs were bursting and he knew he was going to die-
“Sir ! sir! You are having a panic attack , take deep breaths and calm down , please” tony’s ever helpful A.I was shouting and his eyes cleared, he shook his head, trying to convince himself it was just stupid ptsd , and he couldn’t deal with it right now . stark men are made of iron, they do not have panic attacks.

After he managed to bring back the water , half of it already slopped off due to his shaky hands , he watched as clint made steve drink some of it .
“so what’s wrong with him?” tony asked , jut out of courtesy , because he knew full well what was wrong with him , because he himself had dealt with more severe versions of these , and a part of his mind prided himself on how calmly he could handle panic attacks compared to the great captain America.
“ he is having a flashback of some sort tony, because it is dark and cold and we need to make sure he knows he is safe.”
“so , capsicle is dreaming of ice cubes now?” tony tried to make the situation light; he k new from experience that humor and sarcasm was the best way to fix these things. However, he wasn’t expected the reply he got . clint stood up straight , his eyes burning , dripping with venom , and shouted.
“ANTHONY EDWARD STARK! HOW DARE OU JOKE ABOUT IT? OUR FRIEND IS GOING THROUGH PTSD , PANIC ATTACKS AND FLASHBACKS , YOU SHOULD HELP HIM! B UT THEN AGAIN YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT THE TEAM , YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT YOURSELF , AND HOW WILL YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW SCARY IT IS TO HAVE PTSD IF YOU NEVER FELT IT YOUESLEF! EVERYTIME I SEE A BONFIRE , I FEEL MY INSIDES ARE PARALIZED AND I CANT MOVE AND EVERYTHING GOES COLD , SO I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS! I WOULD SUGGEST YOU TO STAY AWAY RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE YOU HAVE LESS TO WOWRRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW , AND YOU ARENT SUFFERING FROM PTSD!”
Tony flinched. Those words were rough . he was already on the verge of panic attack , and clint’s accusation felt like a arrow to his chest. Ironic, huh? Meanwhile the cave was looking more and more like the one in Afghanistan . the weapons made it real.
Clint managed to regain some of his senses .
‘look, stark , im sorry ,but you must understand that I am worried for steve , and –“
“no , its alright , barton. I will leave you to it.” He desperately tried to keep a straight voice. And then he walked away to the furthest corner and sat down there, leaning against the cool rock.
“ jarvis, lock suit in this position until I say otherwise. Don’t do anything even if I have a panic attack or a flashback . do no alarm anyone .”
He knew he couldn’t prevent the incoming panic attack , because the cave was too dark and too similar to Afghanistan. It would be best to wait out. He couldn’t reveal that to anyone , not after what they just told him. They would think that he was doing it for attention . They would think he was weak and pathetic , and he would be kicked out of the team. Because its okay for captain America to have ptsd , after all he was buried alive for 70 years , but tony stark was weak and pathetic and didn’t deserve any sympathy because captain America was Howard’s first choice but he was just a sloppy replacement his father never liked and-
“sir, based on your current vitals, it would be unwise to-“
“mute.”
As he sat there , seconds passing by , the cave looked more and more like the one in afganisthan , tony could almost see yinsen sitting in the corner and as present merged with the past and relit merged with hallucination, he was back again in the hellhole and they were torturing him and he gasped and moaned as his breath hitched and his body shuddered, he muttered “noooo, no, yinsen , run , get out” and they were holding the burning coal in front of yinsens eyes they were going to kill him and he was helpless and he tried ,he really did , as his body twitched, trying to fight invisible opponents while they beated him , forced him on his knees and his chest exploded with burning pain and he saw yinsen running out with a gun but he know what was going to happen and then he saw his body , punctured with half a dozen bullet holes , lying on a pool of blood ‘don’t waste your life , sir’ and he wanted to scream but he couldn’t and the whole thing started again.

It didn’t take Natasha, banner the shield agents much time to dig up the opening. A little more than half and hour. But it was enough for tony to be reduced to a whimpering mess. Steve recovered a bit , and now he and clint was sitting huddled , both rambling , trying g to keep the ptsd away. Clint told steve about tony’s reaction and the captain got angry too so they decided to let him be and started talking among themselves.
When sunlight finally flooded in the cave once again , and Natasha called out ‘clint!’ , it was easily the best thing that happened to him that day . they both stood up , and rushed forward . however , tony didn’t stand , didn’t even try to move. No one noticed as clint shouted to bring blankets and Natasha and banner fussed over steve . after a couple of minutes , when steve was a bit stable , Natasha noticed iron man’s absence .
“hey where is tony?” her voice was warry
“he didn’t come out? Nat , you should hear how he disrespected cap and made fun of him , the audacity! I argued with him, and he went to sit and grumble in the corner . haven’t spoke to him since.”
Natasha’s eyes widened . “please don’t tell me you left him alone in a cold dark cave!”
“I ….kinda did , why?”
She sighted. “ sometimes I forget that you guys haven’t read his file. You know a bit about Afghanistan , right? He was tortured in a CAVE . one like this. For three months. Then he saw his only companion , his savior die . wait, he didn’t talk to you even once?”
“no! nat , whats the matter?”
“shit!” she cursed . Natasha turned back and hurried back towards the cave. Clint stood shocked for a moment and then started following her. In no time , he caught up . “what is going on?”
Natasha replied without stopping. “PTSD , clint . tony suffers from accute ptsd from those three months of his captivity and torture. He is prone to panic attacks and flashbacks. To be stuck in a cave that looks exactly like that ….. you guys should have stayed near him.”
Clint gulped . he had told off the man for not getting the pain of ptsd , only when he was probably suffering from it. “I ….may have..”
He paused because they had skidded to a stop in front of the still sitting iron man suit. Natasha knelt down in front of him and commanded “ open the helmet, tony” .
When there was no reply , she knocked on the face plate. “Jarvis , open the helmet.”
If it was possible , clint would have sweared that when the A.I spoke , he had a hint of annoyance in his voice.
“im afraid I cant do that , agent romanoff. Sir had forbidden me to do so .”
“can you at least tell us h is okay or not ?”
“I have a direct order not to do so , but since my greatest concern is sirs well being , I can say that he is in dire need of assistance.”
Natasha suddenly remembered pepper’s advice. ‘if he is being stubborn (as usual), give Jarvis override 16.12alpha1917’
“Jarvis , give me override 16.12alpha1917 please”
It worked. The helmet flipped open, but the sight they were greeted with wasn’t pleasant at all.
Tony’s eyes were open , but they were filled with pure terror and he wasn’t seeing anything , he looked terrified , shuddering and gasping , his breathing short and raspy. Sweat covered his features, his hair was damp from it , and he was muttering incoherently , something along the lines of ‘ I wont build it’. They watched as he twitched, his head jerking and he yelled ’stick to the plan!’ Only to go limp again , and then he screamed. It was the most bloodcurdling , raw and broken scream clint had ever heard. Natasha sprang into action.
She cupped tony’s cheek .
“its all right , tony . its alright . just breathe okay? You are fine . its all over now. Calm down . are not in afganishan anymore.”
Her words didn’t have much effect. Tony looked towards her voice , but his sight was vague and he still twitched and muttered muddled phrases.
“Bruce!” Natasha yelled. “I need a piece of cloth here! and a spare shirt while you are at it ! and hurry up”
Natasha went back to comforting tony , stroking his hair and shushing him. Clint had never seen such acute ptsd , so he asked? “what is going on?”
“he had been having the flashback for so long, he is deep in it .”
Clint burned up with guilt , he had caused this . he turned out no better than tony’s abusive father , who cared about only captain America , and not his son . he had make tony sit alone and drown in his memories. But now was not the time . he would apologize to tony later, when he was safe and sound .
Within minutes , bruce arrived , steve behind him.
Natasha did not waste any time.
“Jarvis open the suit NOW!”
Immediately the hidden joints in the suit loosened and fell down , revealing tony’s sweating body. The muttering had subsided a bit and Natasha dipped a cloth into he cold water and pressed it o tony’s cheek . she rubbed it around in his face , cleaning away the sweat and grim . she repeated the process on his neck .
“bruce can you change his shirt? Its too wet with sweat.”
With expert hands , clint and banner managed to tear open tony’s black Sabbath t shirt. Before putting on the extra button down shirt bruce had brought for him , Natasha dipped the cloth into cold water again and rubbed it over his sternum , shoulder and hands. it seemed to give him some relief as the twitching decreased and tony blinked , trying to take bearing.
“how do you handle this so well?” steve was feeling amazed and horror at the same time . he had dealt with shell shock victims and it was never pretty.
“I was trained.”
After tony was stable a bit and was looking around like he actually recognized the surroundings , bruce took charge.
“tony look at me . it’s bruce . you know me . im your friend . steve and clint took his arms, trying to haul him up to his feet , but tony yelled ‘I wont’ and started throwing punches. Steve was still a bit disoriented , so when a jab landed on his neck , he lost his footing and went down . clint tried to pin him , but a swift punch landed on his nose. It broke with a sickening crack and blood poured down . tony found hulk strength , pushed Natasha over and ran. He ran blindly , stumbling as if his life depended on it . however, he couldn’t go far. He bumped into bruce and fell on him bonelessly, his head on his shoulder and stayed there. Natasha recovered enough to run to them .
“has he fainted?”
She helped bruce to steady tony. He was still awake , but suddenly unresponsive. Clint helped steve up , and together steve and bruce nearly dragged tony out of the cave and to the private avenger’s quinjet. Natsha helped clint stop his bleeding and then they carried the iron man suit back.

Clint took the pilots seat and took off while bruce settled tony down and started checking him over. “ pulse is high , thousand yard stare and feverish temperature” he muttered to natahsa .”not good.”
within a few minutes , tony had recovered enough to actually recognize his worried teammates huddled around him . when he did though, his ears went red . he looked ashamed .
“tony” bruce soothed him . “its alright , okay? Everything is fine .”
“stve…” tony managed to slur “is he …alright?”
“I am fine , tony.” Steve leaned into his view with a frown on his face.
“im sorry” tony rasped, he was so ashamed and he knew he was going to be kicked out of the team because oviously he cant have a weakness like this on field , he might endanger lives……
“what for , tony?” no one noticed when clint had joined them. “it my fault. I am so sorry. I should have been there for you. I didn’t knew and I actually shouted those mean things to you , god im so sorry.”
Tony managed to chuckle. “if you knew every thing , birdbrain , you wouldn’t need me to make toys for you.”
Everyone was smiled , relieved to see tony joking.
When they reached back , it was almost midnight . no one was in the mood to have dinner ,so they all went to bed. Within a couple of hours , however , Jarvis woke them up.
“ agent romanoff, I am sorry to disturb you at this hour, but sir is once again in need of assistance. I believe he is having a flashback or a nightmare , and in absence of miss potts , there is no one to calm him down and things could take a ugly turn.”
Within minutes, avengers were assembled in tony’s room , his oversized bed to be precise , and they were all trying their best to comfort him . Natasha stroked his hair , shushing , while bruce gripped his hand . steve and clint could only watch as they once again saw their teammate suffering because of their ignorance. Tony blinked , looking at Natasha’s red hair , and moaned peppers name.
Natasha talked to him in a calming voice, “pepper is in Tokyo tony , she will be back tomorrow but we are here for you.” tony wasn’t fully awake , but he heard the comforting voice which had pulled him out of the cave and went back to sleep.
Slowly, the team cuddled around each other, their hands gripping tony’s or stroking his hair, assuring their presence to him.

Next morning , pepper entered tony’s room to find the whole team sleeping together , blanket and pillows astrew. Natasha’s one hand was resting on Tony’s hair, and another on clints hand . steve was curled near tony’s foot, his head on bruce’s stomach. Bruce was touching tony’s stomach and his head was resting between clints legs.
Pepper smiled, because maybe , just maybe , her tony had finally got a family which cared about him and in that moment, she knew no matter what , he would be okay.