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Porco Galliard likes his life. He’s got a good job, shares a nice apartment with his best friend and his brother even occasionally comes to visit. And as much as Marcel makes fun of him about it, he’s fine not being in a relationship. Really. Pieck is more than enough company for him, and he can’t stand the idea of having to go through all the rigmarole of first dates just to find someone who’ll break it off in a few months because of his ‘anger issues’ or whatever his ex had said. No, he doesn’t want a relationship. Sex, on the other hand, is a different matter altogether. That, he misses.
The peace and stability of his life is shattered with the arrival of their new neighbours, a quite frankly disgustingly cute couple comprised of two of the most insufferable people Porco has ever met. Within a day of moving in, they’ve already got Pieck wrapped around their finger, knocking on the door and presenting her and Porco with flowers and a bottle of champagne, saying they’d love to have them both over for a welcome dinner once they’re a little more settled. Porco wants to sneer at Ryan ? Ryan-er ? Ugh. The blond one and his far-too cheery demeanour for 7:30 am, but Pieck is all smiles and gratitude, accepting the invitation for the both of them with a sharp elbow to Porco’s ribs once their new neighbours have their backs turned. He hurries the conversation to its end and slams the door as soon as he can get away with before turning on Pieck.
“You- you can’t just go around telling people I’ll go to their fucking housewarm-“
“Well I think they seem nice. Plus, it’ll be good for you to go out and meet people, Pock, even if it is only next door.”
“You sound like my mother when you say shit like that. And don’t call me Pock.” He says, storming off back to his room to get ready, leaving for work in an even worse mood than he normally does.
So yes, Bertholdt and Reiner have charmed the pants off Pieck, despite having the world’s stupidest names. But Porco’s growing hatred for his neighbours is not as unfounded as Pieck seems to think it is. Because Pieck, the lucky bastard, doesn’t know what he knows.
Pieck’s bedroom doesn’t share a wall with Reiner and Bertholdt’s.
And his nice apartment no longer feels quite so nice when he realises how goddamn thin the walls are.
It starts off bad enough, constant bangs and thumps of boxes for the first few days as the men unpack. Pieck has to stop him storming over when they start up an electric drill at 10pm, saying they can’t start beef when they’ve just moved in, and they probably don't want to be up this late doing DIY either. So Porco resigns himself to staying up, headphones blasting until the drilling finally stops and tranquillity once again reigns supreme. Bertholdt knocks on the door the next morning looking far too sheepish for a man of his stature, holding out a box of chocolates in apology for the disturbance the night before. He explains they had to fix their bed frame as it had broken just before they went to sleep, probably damaged in the move. Porco says it's whatever and takes the chocolates but Pieck stays, nodding sympathetically and saying they shouldn't have worried, that they're too kind and it was really no bother.
Her room was on the other side of the flat. She hadn't heard a thing. Lucky bastard.
Porco wishes, really deeply wishes, that was the last noise he heard their bed frame making.
The couple must have tricked themselves into thinking the walls were thicker than they were, perhaps lulled into a false sense of security by Pieck's reassurances that she hadn't heard anything, because from that point on they never seem to shut the fuck up. And it isn't even the noise that he minds. His roommate in college was almost entirely nocturnal and spent most nights screaming into a headset at whatever game he was playing. His brother had played the saxophone growing up for god's sake. He is used to noise. What he isn't used to, is the endless moans of oh yes fuck me harder that floats through from the room next door every night. Their stamina was… annoyingly impressive. He eyes them up and down when he sees in the hallway, both comfortably over 6 feet and built of muscle. Probably both played college sports. It'd explain why they always seem to go at it for at least an hour. Not that he is timing them, or anything. He isn't a creep. It is just very hard to ignore.
He'd thought at first that the blond man, Reiner, must be the one to top, if the embarrassing amounts of gay porn in his search history was an accurate indicator. He isn’t quite as tall as his partner, but is almost half as big, all broad shoulders and bulging muscles. Seriously, that guy must live at the gym with how ridiculously well defined his biceps are. And he just oozes confidence, seemingly the complete opposite of Bertholdt who almost hides behind Reiner during their brief interactions, a comical sight to be sure. And yet, on about the fifth night he realises that it isn’t actually the case, that the moans of harder are almost always prefaced by some variation of yes, Bertl , the nickname taking him a while to understand. For some reason, it turns him on much more when he imagines it's Reiner bent over and begging. But he isn’t a creep. It’s only natural for your imagination to wander when you’ve practically got pornography blasting in your ears all evening. That’s what Porco tells himself, at least.
If he was questioned about his new nightly routine, he might struggle to explain why he's never confronted his neighbours over their nocturnal activities, why he's never tried playing music through his speakers, either as an attempt to drown them out or as a passive aggressive reminder that the walls were thin. He would certainly struggle to explain why his headphones more often than not spent the night abandoned in the kitchen rather than covering his ears. But no one asks him. His brother isn't around to tease him and Pieck is a master of minding her own business. It’s one of the reasons why Porco had wanted to live with her in the first place.
So the evenings continue like that, one week becoming two, the noises only becoming louder as their headboard becomes increasingly broken and, unlike on the first night, his neighbours seem completely disinclined to fix it. It’s manageable, until it isn’t. He makes the mistake of not checking if the coast is clear before going to pick up his post, and Reiner and Bertholdt corner him in the mailroom. Pieck probably wouldn’t describe it as ‘cornering’ but as ‘being in the same place at the same time’, but Porco isn’t her. They corner him and Reiner tries to strike up a conversation, despite Bertholdt shuffling his feet behind him and Porco giving him his best glower, which Marcel promises is terrifying.
“Hey Porco! How are you doing, man?"
“…tired," Porco mumbles out, desperate for this to be over.
“Oh, haven’t been sleeping well?” Reiner looks at him expectantly, but Porco can only blush bright red in answer as he remembers exactly what had been keeping him up at night. He stammers out some bullshit excuse about work and makes a beeline for the exit, saying a hurried goodbye. He flees before he can catch Reiner raising a suggestive eyebrow at Bertholdt.
That evening, the two men are even louder than normal and Porco can no longer deny the tent in his boxers like he had the previous nights. He wraps a hand around his dick, moving in time with the headboard’s loud banging. Reiner's practically screaming by the time he comes, and the sound coupled with the mental image of the man on his hands and knees as his ass is filled with cum sends Porco tumbling over the edge too. He tries not to think about it too hard as he cleans the mess up, screwing his eyes shut and wishing sleep would take him away from what just happened.
As much as he tries to avoid them, he can’t hide forever from people he lives right next to. He’s getting back from a long day at work when he almost literally bumps into Bertholdt, long limbs sprawling out like an oversized spider. Porco wants to make a run for it, but his keys are buried in the bottom of his bag, and the thought of having to root around for them in silence while his neighbour watches on is worse than stumbling through an awkward conversation.
“Sorry ‘bout that.” Porco doesn’t really think he has much to apologise for, but he’s learnt over time that ‘sorry’ is often the right answer for getting people off your case, even if you don't mean it.
“No worries.” Bertholdt reaches up to scratch his chin. Porco hopes that might be it, but his dreams are crushed when Bertholdt continues to talk. “It’s actually good timing, to be honest. We haven’t seen you around for a while, but we wanted to invite you around for drinks this Friday. Pieck’s already said she’s busy, but it’d be nice to have you over.”
Porco considers the offer. On one hand, it’d mean having to socialise, but on the other, he could really use a drink. It seems a little strange that Pieck would already have plans since he knows how much she enjoys Friday nights in, but it’s not like he’s memorised Pieck's schedule and knows what she’s up to all the time.
“Uh, sure, okay.” He surprises himself with his answer.
“Great! Just swing by at 8, say?”
“See you then.”
8pm on Friday has well and truly rolled by and Porco finds himself finishing his second drink sprawled out on Bertholdt and Reiner’s sofa. They’re better company than he expected, finding them much less frustrating when he’s not being forced to listen to them fucking. Bertholdt has loosened up, lounging at Reiner’s side and occasionally laughing at something the other two say, a deep rumbling sound coming from within his chest. Porco finally starts to understand what Reiner sees in him, dark hair and tanned skin paired with a surprisingly wicked sense of humour. Porco stands and pours himself another drink, finishing off the bottle of wine that Reiner has been steadily working his way through all evening. The man’s cheeks are stained pink, a smug smirk never fully leaving his lips since the moment Porco arrived. He tilts his head back, Adam's apple bobbing sinfully as he swallows more of his wine and Porco has to look away, pretending to check something on the bottle as he tries to fight his growing arousal. Grandma. Greasy college roommates. Umm... roadkill. As his back is turned, Reiner and Bertholdt have a silent conversation, giving Porco tight smiles when he settles back on the couch. He squints at them suspiciously, noticing their change in behaviour and takes a long swig of his drink before speaking.
“...What?”
“Nothing.” Reiner’s voice is dripping with faux innocence. “It’s just, we’ve noticed you’ve been staring at me all evening." Reiner's eyes roam across Porco, assessing. "Porco, do you find me attractive?”
Fuck. Busted. He glances guilty at Bertholdt, expecting anger, but the other man is just watching Porco’s reaction, body language relaxed. Huh. That’s somehow worse. The rash part of Porco wants to push it to see how long it takes for Bertholdt to snap, how he’d respond to someone openly flirting with his boyfriend. Pushing down his momentary panic, Porco gulps, then switches to what he hopes is cocky arrogance and answers honestly.
“Sure. I’ve got eyes, don’t I?”
Oddly, Bertholdt still doesn't look at all perturbed, instead seemingly more... excited.
“And ears.” Porco turns red at Bertholdt’s unspoken accusation, but before he can protest his somewhat dubious innocence, Reiner interrupts.
“The thing is, we think you’re pretty hot too.” Amber eyes twinkle mischievously and something in the air shifts between them.
Wait.
They’ve set this up.
Porco feels flush with indignation at the realisation, but also figures he might as well see where this is going. If they’re propositioning, he might as well get some sex out of it. Really after putting him through all this, he deserves to get his dick wet.
“You got a thing for putting on a show or something?” Porco's blunt. He's never been one for tact or good manners anyway.
“Not exactly. More of a thing for sharing.” Bertholdt drags out the last word. He's leaning back on his chair, a small smirk on his face looking more self-assured and confident than Porco had thought possible. That kinky motherfucker.
“So you wanna watch while I fuck Reiner, that it?” This is definitely not where he thought the evening was heading. Not that he was complaining.
“Oh no. Only Bertl gets to fuck me.” Bertholdt puts his hand possessively on Reiner’s thigh as the blond man speaks, fingers splayed, and Porco only just stops himself from rolling his eyes.
“So...?
“So why don't you show him what your mouth can do, Reiner?”
Porco instantly gets hard at Bertholdt’s words. Reiner slides off the couch and saunters over, never breaking eye contact as he sinks in front of Porco's legs. He raises an eyebrow questioningly and Porco nods in response, trying not to seem too frantic, but equally desperate to feel Reiner around his dick, for his secret fantasies to become reality.
Hands slowly undo his belt buckle. Reiner knows exactly how much of a tease he’s being as he presses a flat palm against Porco’s erection while he unzips his jeans. Porco forces himself not to groan, not to let them get the upper hand even as his boxers are pushed below his hips and his aching cock is finally revealed to the cold air. Reiner drags his fist down it a couple of times before swiping the precum from his leaking tip with an index finger, toying with him. Porco bucks up as the calluses on Reiner’s fingers create the most delicious friction against his sensitive skin, driving him embarrassingly close to the edge already.
“Suck.”
The command comes from behind them, but Porco can’t bring himself to care about whatever Bertholdt is doing when Reiner lowers his head, tongue darting out to lick one, two stripes before he takes Porco between his lips. Cheeks hollow out as Reiner bobs his head back and forth, the whole time looking up at Porco through fluttering eyelashes. He gags slightly when he finally takes Porco in the whole way, dick twitching against the back of his throat as Reiner’s eyes roll back. Porco thinks his brain short circuits temporarily as Reiner moans around his dick, the sound better than any porn could ever be. Experimentally, he lets his hand wander to Reiner’s head, gripping the short hair. Looking up, he makes brief eye contact with Bertholdt who nods and Porco takes that as his sign to start face fucking Reiner, hands tightening against his scalp as he sets a brutal pace. Below him, Reiner groans and lets his jaw slacken as Porco uses him, hands pushing against Porco’s hips when he threatens to trigger his gag reflex. Bertholdt joins Reiner on the floor, whispering into his boyfriend’s ear as he chokes on Porco’s dick, eyes watering and blown out in lust.
Porco knows he’s being used just as much as he’s using Reiner, knows he’s just a pawn in the others’ game, but god has he missed sex and god does this feel good. He thinks Reiner might be getting close to his limit, though, so he lessens his grip on the man and lets his cock fall from Reiner’s mouth. A trail of spit still connects his dick and Reiner’s lips and Porco gets the surreal feeling that he’s wandered into some kind of cliched porno and has to pinch himself to check it’s actually real.
“Bedroom?” Bertholdt asks, hand rubbing circles on Reiner’s back, an act that is as comforting as it was possessive. The other man’s chest is heaving, head falling back onto Bertholdt’s shoulder behind him as he gathers himself. Nodding, Reiner stands shakily, letting Bertholdt guide him out the room. Porco doesn’t quite know what he’s supposed to do, whether he’s also invited or if they were just going to kick him out. He straightens himself, momentarily confused and balls aching until Reiner looks back and sees the hesitation.
“You joining us?”
Porco doesn’t need any further encouragement, following them as Bertholdt pushes open a door. Their bedroom is different to what he'd imagined, for some reason he'd pictured a sex dungeon but it looks disappointingly normal, picture frames stacked on the dresser and a pile of laundry dumped in the corner. The image of domestic innocence that Porco knows for a fact isn’t true. He shucks off his clothes as the others do the same, tossing their clothes haphazardly across the room in their haste. When he sees the naked forms of Bertholdt and Reiner, he gets a strange desire to cover himself up, embarrassment creeping up his spine as he realises how goddamn big they both are. It’s not that Porco is small in the slightest, but these guys are statistical anomalies, completely proportional with the rest of their oversized bodies. If he was slightly more drunk and a little less angry that they’d planned this, he’d be tempted to return Reiner’s blowjob. As it is, he just stares, barely trying to hide his arousal.
“Like what you see?” Reiner’s cocky laugh morphs into a moan as Bertholdt shoves him face first onto the bed, then drags his hips up so his ass is exposed. There’s something about watching such a strong man being manhandled like it’s nothing that makes Porco’s dick throb, and he sends a silent prayer that he doesn’t end up with a new kink by the end of the night. The smack of Bertholdt’s palm against Reiner’s skin rings out, drawing Porco from his thoughts as he watches Reiner’s ass jiggle, clenched around something black.
“Motherfuckers…” he whispers mostly to himself when he works out what it is, Bertholdt grinning when he leans over and twists the plug that's been buried in Reiner since long before Porco arrived. They really had planned every last detail.
“Slut.”
He wants to take back the word the moment he says it, suddenly panicking that they would kick him out for real, but Reiner whimpers at the insult, breath catching as he begins to beg.
“Please, god, fuck, please-”
Bertholdt positions him so his hands are gripping the edge of the bed and his head hanging off as he climbs up behind Reiner, pulling the buttplug nearly all the way out before roughly pushing it back in. The noises coming from Reiner are all-too familiar to Porco, who doesn’t need to be invited before he’s making his way to Reiner’s head which hangs perfectly at waist height and forcing his dick between Reiner’s open lips. The heat of his mouth is intoxicating as he thrusts up into it. Even with his mouth full, Reiner’s still almost as loud as before, Bertholdt finally discarding the toy as he lines himself up with Reiner’s entrance, pushing in slowly but without stopping until he bottoms out. Reiner has to pull off Porco to catch his breath as Bertholdt begins to move, giving him only a minute to adjust to the stretch before he starts to fuck into him. Obscene slapping fills the air, the noises so much sharper here than on the other side of the wall. Porco had found that hot enough by itself, but the sight before him was a million times better than he could have ever imagined by himself. He pumps his dick distractedly as he watches in awe, Bertholdt pummeling into Reiner, sweat dripping down rippling muscles, faces twisted into ecstasy. It is better than any porn and Porco knows with complete certainty that he will be thinking about this night for a long, long time.
He could watch them for hours, but he didn’t come this far just to masturbate by himself. Reaching down, he places his hand under Reiner’s chin, drawing his attention back to him.
“Don’t think you can just forget about me.”
Reiner shakes his head, unable to formulate a proper reply as Bertholdt slams against his prostate, every muscle tensing in pleasure.
“Be rough with him,” Bertholdt says, causing Reiner’s eyes to grow wide with anticipation. Porco doesn’t hesitate, grabbing a fistful of Reiner’s hair and forcing him to look up, bending his neck at an uncomfortable angle. He smacks Reiner’s face with his cock, smearing precum on his cheek, smiling down cruelly.
“Bet you fucking like that. Bet you like being treated like a whore.”
He hears Bertholdt hit Reiner’s ass again, and the blond man looks completely fucked out, mind melting into white bliss under their brutal ministrations. He opens his mouth wide, tongue lolling out in an obvious invitation, but Porco isn’t done yet.
“You’re always so fucking desperate, aren’t you. I hear you every night begging for it. Isn’t that right?”
“Ye-yes…please," Reiner gasps out, and Porco takes the opportunity to finally slide his dick in his mouth, fucking him in time with Bertholdt’s thrusts from behind. This time, Porco knows he’s rapidly approaching the edge so he just enjoys the sloppy blowjob, brought to his peak as Bertholdt leans down to murmur praise for Reiner, the change in angle felt by all three. He pulls out slightly as he cums, finishing on Reiner’s lips with what he would normally consider an shamefully loud groan. His thighs are trembling as he comes down from his high, watching hazily as Reiner laps his cum up before Porco’s legs give out and he sinks to the floor, head banging heavily on the wall behind him. The others don’t last much longer either, Bertholdt barely needing to touch Reiner before he cums, collapsing boneless onto the mattress as Bertholdt finishes in his own fist beside him, panting heavily.
It’s almost disgustingly sweet to see them in the afterglow, Reiner rolling onto his back to face Bertholdt, lifting his hand to his cum-stained mouth and kissing the knuckles gently. Porco can’t help but feel like an intruder as the atmosphere shifts to something more loving than the electric desire of minutes before. He doesn’t know the protocol for what to do when you’ve just facefucked your neighbour in front of his boyfriend, but he figures it’d be weird to linger. He rises from the floor, looking for his clothes and throws Bertholdt a pair of dirty boxers to clean himself with, rousing the man from his orgasm-induced reverie. Porco hops around the room as he shimmies into his jeans, incredibly grateful for the short walk of shame he’ll have to do as he shoves his underwear in a pocket, not wanting to hang around awkwardly any longer than he has to. Reiner watches his graceless dance from where he's sprawled out on the bed, his smirk returning.
“That was fun.” Porco hums in agreement, not really knowing what else to say.
“If you want to do it again, you know where to find us.” He thinks Reiner might be fucking with him, but he seems serious and Bertholdt is nodding too, sweaty hair falling in a curtain across his forehead as he leans over to give Reiner a quick kiss.
“...Sure.” Porco takes it as his queue to leave and he’s almost at the door when Reiner calls his name again.
“Hey Porco, I top too, if you're interested.” He raises an eyebrow cockily and Porco hates how he already knows he'll take him up on the offer, even as he lets himself out and slips back into his own house, leaving the couple wrapped up in each other’s arms whispering sweet nothings to each other. Porco thinks that takes the prize for the most disgusting thing those two have done all evening.
Pieck is waiting for him when he gets in, sitting on the couch in the dark like a disappointed parent in a teen drama. She takes one look at his dishevelled appearance and bursts into a fit of giggles, immediately putting the pieces together. Pieck's busy my ass . Porco flips her off before slinking into his own room, trying to block out her cackles of what do you think of the neighbours now as she throws a cushion at his retreating figure.
For the first time that week, he falls asleep to the sound of silence coming from next door.
The peace doesn't last. They're at it again the next evening, energetic as ever. When they finish he hears the unmistakable sound of his name being called.
"You enjoy that, Porco?" Muffled laughter. "You enjoy the show?"
Assholes.
The drying cum on his chest was proof that he had, though.